Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-03-28
Rattler's Prohibition Taffy.


1t requires a man of far better liter
airy qualities Than | possess to tackle
this liquor question, and ease it down
from its mountain perch into the val.
ley districts of mans comprehension.
Whisky will agitate the people ju as
long as the prohibition candidate can
get vote, or the temperance lecturer
a mint julip on the sly; they will be
forever telling us that whisky is the
root of all evil. Well then, why not
grab the root and throw away the evil.
My ideas on the subject publicly ex-
pressed are these; TO stop the trade
and traffic in liquor, you must first
stop manufacturing it, and the way to
stop manufacturing it, is to stop grow
ing anything out Of the earth that will
ferment and make sour mash. Now
you've got it, boxed up in a brass
tbimble; do that and you have got the
liquor traffic by the off ear, and it can
be done too without another speech, or
prohibition race for president. | do
not wish to discourage or intimidate
my old chum, Mr.. st. John off the
presidential race in 1888; but will say
to him in all kindness, that if he don't
slack up running for President ON the
prohibition ticket, that some of these
election mornings he will wake up
from nightmare of defeat, and find
himself largely in the minority, and
like Marc Anthony, calling on his
fellow countrymen to lend him lis
tening ear while he auctions off his
dog. Now like the prohibition and
temperance men; think they are nice
moral men have no crow to pick with
them ; but | am by the boys like Alex
ander the Great was, when he made
the remark about Diogones. If he
was not Alexander the Great, he would
like to be Diogones. Now, if l was
not Rather, the great sorghum fool, |
would like to be temperance and
prohibition man, because | could then
get so many free whisky punches and
cocktails behind the curtains and the
gossiping world would never be the
wiser thereof. once heard philoso-
pher say, think it was Dicgones, for
he was sitting in little cedar tub be-
hind the ash hopper in the sunshine
when he told me, and history says he
always sat in the tub, except wash
days then his mother ousted him, that
the greatest object on earth was great
and good man struggling with adver-
sity. Now we all know that the pro.
hibition and temperance men are great
and good fellows, who never indulge in
red liquor, either as q cosmetic or
wholesome beverage, and we also know
their untiring efforts to dam up with
their wind pipes the alcoholic streams
that are floating through the world,
drifting up sin here and sorrow there,
have met with adversely. But | sup.
pose Mr.. st. John and them are work.
ing on the principle laid down in
youths bright lexicon Of Websterc
unabridged, there is no such word as
fail. Well, somebody has failed, and
it has not been the whisky dealers.
The remote period when men first be-
gan drinking intoxicating liquors &C
cording to my recollection, and l am
a very old man, dates away back yOn'
der in the prehistoric time known as
the bronzed age, and in the earliest
days, long before history began, and
they have kept it up to this good hour
the 18th day of March, 80. l am
not prepared to say whether the tenn
perance lecturer has been lambasting
the liquor question all this time or not
| only know that they were hard at il
when l first took out life time lease
in the forests of the world, and have
put in good time since. Still the world
is full and running over with undranE
liquor, and will continue full, until We
boys drink up what is on hand, anC
never afterwards grow anything thai
will make sour mash. am no St
John man, am not in the prohibition
fight, either for or against; am a neu
trol;etin hair min sittinO ostr;da III.