Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

/
Washington Star.
Astronomers now begin to count the
day from midnight This is getting up
late at night to be up early in the morn
ing.-Detroit Free Press.
An Indiana husband who is seeking
a divorce claimed that his wife scalded
him with hot tea on eighty-one different
occasions. There are some patient men
in this country.-Detroit Free Press.
In one of our Indian languages the
word woman" is rendered ''kewano-
iawjaw." Any married man can define
the last two syllables at a glance, and
"kewano" means lightning.-Paper
out West.
Where lie the hidden powers of
the almond-eyed Celestial? He has 'em
somewhere. Yam Phou Lee is the
strongest chess player in Yale college.
He beats the rest of the college chess
club easily.-Hargord Times.
Theatrical managers are endowed
with rare powers. For instance. they
can crowd more performers on single
three by five foot poster, than they can
possibly get together on forty by six
ty foot stage. This is genius.
Judge.
A modern philosopher says that we-
men who excite the greatest love are
often very plain. even ugly. 1t is safe
to assume that after that philosopher
got this idea printed he was careful to
clip it out of the paper before taking it
home to his wife.-Philadelphid Cali
A Mott street Chinaman has renounc-
ed draw-poker. He sorrowfully relates
his experience as follows: II got flo
acee, bet five dolla, nobody clum in; l
get tlee kingee. bet ten della, nobody
clum in; get flo flushy. bet fifteen dol
Ia, evly son of gun clum inn Y Sun.
The office-boy's effusion: II held her
tiny hand in mine and clasped her
fairy form, and told my tale Of ardent
love in language sweet and warm. And
when | paused for lack of breath, she
raised her dimpled chin and whispered
low, i don't catch on; please sing your
song again
My wife has gained a sweeping vic
tory?" exclaimed a breathless bare
headed citizen as he emerged upon the
sidewalk How so?" inquired
passer-by. "Why, exclaimed the atless
individual, "she has just driven me out
of the house with broom. ."-Bur!ing-
ton Free Press.
.Bric-a-brac is fast disappearing
from fashionable mantelpieces," read
Mrs. Crimsonbeak from the daily pa
pers the other evening. "fm glad Of
tnat,n replied her husband, looking up
for a moment, ''now fellow will have
some place in the house to put his
feet. - Yonkers Statesman.
What do you think of Mr.. Thomp-
son, map" He seems to be very nice;
were YOU" why, mamma?" He has
red hair, and red-haired men are al
ways dece tful.' ''But pa has red
hair" well, not quite red, child.
It's quite r d enough, though"
The editor of the East sits down with
malice in his heart and writes of .'our
esteemed co-worker in journalism"
The Western editor, leaving his fellow
publisher with a hearty grasp at the
ffin-nail-factory," seizes his brilliant
pen. and fires half the town against his
IOdLuSolnS SoulSpoioiy 1He SH-
rent.
The house is desirable in every re-
spect," said the real estate owner to An
intending purchaser; ''but it is not fur
nished with hot water" "Oh. never
mind that" replied the house-seeker.
Il have been married fifteen years and
there is no danger of my ever being
out of hot water. ."-BurlingtOn Free
Press.
A few years ago Rev. Mr. Coates,
the pastor of the Baptist Church in
this city, while administering the con-
solations of the Gospel to an invalid
lady in his parish, said: Il hope. SIS
ter, that you are resting on the prom
ises." She said; "Yes, l am" He
then asked: What special promise
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