Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1885-02-05
THE ROLLER-SKATING
CIR ZE.
Nearly. everybody caught it.

People who vowed they wouldn't put
on a pair of those skates to save the
world from destruction have gone and
done it. The modest old MAIDS, who
declared the whole thing so shocking
and indecent, have been persuaded by
particular friend, you Know just
to try it, and having tried once they
keep on trying it.
If you are thinking of skating, be
sure that you have a pretty foot, for
this kind of business shows off big
foot to horrid advantage. You want
Lifting boots, stockings that show
CLEAN of color, a tailor made suit, and
mind regardless of consequences. By
consequences, We mean tumbling over
in heapwith anybody who happens to
have tumbled over; barked noses, broken
jewelry, sore backs, wrenched spinal
columns, punched stomachs, scratched
faces, the remarks of spectators, and
other things too numerous to mention.
When you first get on rollers, you will
feel as if your heels were about to run
away with your head. All creation
will seem like an inclined plane, and
very much inclined at that. You vii |
grasp frantically your companions arm,
and you will feel seasick and dizzy, and
as if you had swallowed nine anti-billious
pills and as if you wished you were at
home, where everything did not have
such habit of whirling round.
You will expect to run afoul of every
body on the floor, and if you manage to
steer clear of two-thirds OF them, you
may congratulate yourself. There is a
good deal of unexpectedness about roll
ler-skating..
You must give your mind to the
thing in question; you had better not
think of how your hustle sticks out, or
indulge in speculations touching the
hang of your drapery, or the straight
ened out condition of your frizzes. Let
those things take care Of themselves and
trust in fate.
Cling to the arm of Augustus for dear
life. Think of the motto of one of our
United Substituted we stand, divid-
ed We fall''-and hold on. IF he cannot
support you now, he never can.
Bid defiance to all the jealous old
cats who are looking on, and privately
indulging in the hope that you will fall
and make spectacle of yourself.
Strike out boldly, determined to con-
quer or die. If your back does not give
out, and you can keep your ankles stiff,
and you don't catch the neuralgia, you
will probably conquer-in time.
The next day, after you first perform
ance, when you wake up you will feel
as if all creation we're out of joint. You
won't be able to tell where you feel the
sorcst. You almost fancy that you are
a Chinese puzzle which has been taken
apart and put together again with some
thing missing.
You are SO sore you can hardly bear
your corsets on; and when you button
your boots the top of your head. where
Sarah Ann Jones skate hit you, feels
as if it would lift off.
But you brace up and tell your moth
er, who is an anxious inquirer, and who
was dreadfully opposed to your going
to that rink, that you never felt better!
and. that she ought to learn herself!
Oh, it is all in lifetime, and nobody
has yet descended to the depths of mis-
cry, or risen to the hcighths of exaltation,
who has not been young, and worn a
bewitching costume, and succeeded in
roller-skating!