The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-11-18
JOSH BILLINGS.
"Reminiscences Of the Late HumOrist
Specimens OF His Fun.

"Reminiscences Of the Lat HumOrist
Specimens OF His Fun.
I was sitting down to lunch one morn
ing at Dclmonico's with a literary friend
when there entered a gaunt, tall man,
with stopping shoulders, q slouching
walk. iron.gray hair and q pair of keen,
bright eyes, who deposited himse f upon
a chair at the nearest vacant table. My
friend touched my foot to direct my
attention to the new conner and softly
said: do you know who that Isl"
"No." "That's Josh Billings" he
! whispered. "Ill ask him to join u.s."
My friend arose, went to his table,
graspcd his hand AMI in another instant
| was introduced to the author of a vast
amount of mis- spelled wisdom. 'How's
every bone in your body?" said Josh to
nv friend. Then, turning to me, he said:
''Glad to see you, sir. Just arrived from
England, eh2 Bring my outlet and
coffee here" he went On, addressing the
waiter, as he inserted his long, lean legs
under the table.
Josh ratified on, telling lis strings of
adventures and now and then uttering o
quaint, wise thought. One remark I
remember. lie was saying that a friend
of his had been on a spree for q fortnight
ard that he had a whisky head on HIM.
"What's that" I asked. "Why, his
head was so swollen that he had to work
on his hat with q shoe-horu."
Josh was extremely fond of animals
and had a cat at his house in Albany
which he gravely addressed as evil
liam" I suggested that that was a dig
ni6ed name for puss, as cats were usually
called TOM or ''Tip" or q quick, short
cognomeh.
"But that's a special, swell, blue
blooded specimen of the feline race, I
wish you to know" rejoined the humor-
ist. "Recently, poor fellow, he has had
fits, aud since then I call him 'Fitz- Will
liam"
Before I left New York I called on
Josh Billings with an album and mod
cstly solicited his autograph. He took
it on his knees, gave his mouth a comical
twist and wrote:
''Thrice is he armed who hath his quarrel
luSls lnG oARb or fAfSNs
"And four times he who gets his blow in
fust." j. BILLINGS.
"Mr. Billings" said, at parting, 'it's
astonishing how your wise saws and
comical straws float all over Christen-
dom. One can scarcely pick up a paper
in any part of the world where the Eng
lish language is spoken but there, in an
odd corner, nestles one of your little
grains Of philosophy. You keep your
self we'll before the public" His reply
was compact, pertinent and to the point:
''Yes, sir, I keep myself just sufficiently
in the public eye without putting tout"
complained to Josh one September
night some years ago, when on this side
of the Atlantic, that the nights were so
abominably hot I couldn't sleep.
"My dear boy" be replied, "you
ought to accustom yourself to these
American alterations of heat and cold.
Summer and winter I always sleep with
three quilts. In summer, I may remark,
I put them under me-"
When Rubenstein was over here he
vas presented to Josh, and the pianist
vas careful to impress the American with
accounts of the nobility of his ances-
tors. "My family" said he, loftily,
''goes back to the time of the Crusaders.
My researches in this direction enabled
me to discover that one of my ancestors
accompanied the Emperor Barbarossa."
Josh smiled. and affecting to be immense
ly impressed Immediately remarked:
"On the piano, of course"
A good story is told of the humorist
being thrown, on n occasion, among a
batch of students in a country town near
New Haven. He was tramping along
with q rusty yellow dog, and entered the
bar-room of a hotel for some refresh
ments. A group of the Yale lads
CHANGED to be there on a frolic, and i'm.
mediately interviewed Billings, whom
they evidently mistook for a farmer.
They inquired with affected interest after
the health of his wife and children, and
Josh, with counterfeit simplicity, gave
hem a graphic account of his family and
arm.
"Of course you belong to the church"
.sked one of the boys.
''Ycs, the Lord be praised, and my
father and grandfather before me-"
"Now, I suppose you would not tell a
lie," said one of the students.
"Not for the world"
"What will you take for that dog?"
pointing to Josh's cur, which was crouch
ing beneath his chair.
II won't take twenty dollars for that
dog"
twenty cents"
II assure you I would not take twenty
dollars for him."
"Come, nv friend" said the student,
who, with his companions was bent on
having some fun with the old man.
"Now, you say you won't tell a lie for
the world. Let me see if you will not
do it for twenty dollars. l will give
you twenty dollars for your dog"
'Ill not take it,"
"You will not? Here! let INC see if
this will not tempt you to q lie," added
the student, producing q small bag of
half dollars, which he built up into small
piles on the table. Josh was sitting by
the table, with his hat in his hand, APP
parently unconccrned. "There," added
the student, "there are twenty dollars,
all in silver; 1 will give you that for the
animal" Josh quietly raised his hat to
the edge of the table, and, as quick as
thought, scrapcd all the money into it