The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1885-09-15
SUNBEAMS.

The most striking thing in the way OF
bronze mantal ornaments-a clock
A Limherger cheese man at Watertown
N Y, has failed His assets are strong.
Old men love the past, young men
love the future, hut if you want to tickle
a girls fancy, give her present.
A young English girl in India has be
come Buddhis. When asked why she
did so she replied: IL know on which
side my bread is Buddhered
A cynical bachelor of another citv
says woman is good deal like an &C.
Gordon. You can draw her out, bu, she
snakes music" if you attempt to shut
her up
"Annie. is it proper TO say this ere or
that ERE Z" "Why, Kate. of course not "
swell. l don't know whether it is proper
or not, but feel cold in this ear from
that air."
(Which of these roads leads to Bush
wick ?" "Both of them lead there, but,
f you will let me advice you, take the
Iefr one, for see rain storm is coming
up on the right"
"Is this singing dollp ?" asked she OF
the shopman. "Yes, miss" "How do
you make it sing ?" Just as You would
any other young woman" "How il
that" "By pressing it,"
"What is the matter with the baby ?"
asked lady of little girl, whose baby
brother she had understood to be ailing.
."Oh, nolhin' much" was the answer.
"He's only hatchin' teeth
Both men and women are fond of
theatre going in the country. The WON.
en- like to 60 to the society plays to see
how the actresses dress, aud the men 10
the variety plays to see how they don't
dress.
The newest French absurdity in the
millinery line is bonnet trimmed with
asses ears. When girl puts on one Of
them and walks out with dude, it will
look like a well-matched team.
"Mr. Murphy, the temperance lectur.
er, quie,ed a noisy baby in the audience
by sending out and buying some candy
for it," Mr.. Murphy is not the only
lecturer who gives his audience "taffy "
Come" said the tailor, "you haven't
paid me for the last suit OF clothes yet,
and l should like TO know the reason"
81 have but one reason" replied Fogg,
casting disparaging look at the suit ;
81 don't see fit."
The vocabulary of child FIVE years
old is said not to exceed two or three
hundred words; but that OF ful-grow wn
woman with rev bonnet that don't suil
her, would exhaust a pocket dictionary
in ten minutes.
"Bai me out" said an inebriate, as be
stood in the station the other evening
swell" said bystaDder, "you had bet
ter wait Till morning, for in your present
condition you couldn't be pumped out.
much less bailed"
Il declare, MIR. Blank" said q guest
to the landlord of Bar Harbor hotel
"your table is even worse than it wss
lest year." And the indignant Boniface
answered without reflection: That is
impossible, sir.''
Mrs. B.: "Are you not going to cele.
hrate your wooden weddingp" Mrs
G.: No; my 6rst wedding was 9
wooden one." Mrs B.: "Oa, it could
not be, you know" Mrs. C at was
married blockhead.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox asks in frenzV
"ls there anything higher than boy
ambition, that wingeth away to the sun.
riven skies ?" Did Ella ever timidly 10.
quire the price of the first strawberries
of gentle Springp
Rapid changes. fashionable wife
my dear, will you give me some mon
ey" Husband-"What for ?" IA new
bonnet" "Why, you have just got 6
new bonnet" II got one last week,
know; but it's all out of style now"
Denying the soft impeachment: "Le,
me see," SAID minister, who was filling
out marriage certificate. and had for
gotten the date, "this is the 5th, is i
not2 mo, SIR" said the bride will
some Indignation, "this is only my sec
ond."
A Boston man was arrested for call
ing his servant a "redhesd." II be hat
spoken of her hair as capillary sub
stance wearing roseate blush like unto
the brilliant hue of a golden sunset, b,
would have gained the applause OF ever.
resident of his city.
"What is the reason you only give mi
one egg instead of three, as usual ?
asked Mr. Upton Snooks, one OF th
Widow Flspjack's boarders. at is
fresh egg can give you ba'fa dozel
of the other kind if you want to swap,
replied the matler-of-fact landlady.
The colored servant In the South i
occasionally good at repartee. Mr..
Yerger found her servant, Belinda, re
posing in the rocking chair reading
newspaper. "You seem to think yo
are the lady of the house," said Mrs
Yereer, sarcastically. "No, mum, rs
braek, but / is not such fool as dat.
: "Yes." said Mrs, Catchem, "those ar
my daughters over there on the sofa
they have hall million between them.
1t was not until after they we're marie
to those daughters that the two youn
men who overheard the above remar
found out that Mrs. Catchem referred t
The rich old codger who sat on the sol
. between the girls. Mrs. Catchem couldn
. tell fib, but she knew how TO speak tb
!, truth advantageously.