Daily Republican., 1885-07-23
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT,

Augustus aud Clara had become en-
gagged after the usual manner of young
people " no haven't any thing else to do
and Clara manifested disposition after
some time to dissolve the tie. Angus.
tus,' she said one evening, I" let's don't
be engaged any longer" whats that
for ?" he inquired, with some surprise.
"Oh, I'm tired, aud besides IL was only
a sham engagement on my part any
wayl Here's your ring" Don't t
trouble yourself about the ring, Clara.
1t is only sham diamond, any way. /
bought half dozen for half a dollar
JUST to use in little engagements like
this. Goodbye don't tell any of the
other girls about the ring, please" and
he went out.
"Aw, Miss Helen" smiled masher,
arrayed in all his paraphernalia, prom
enading with young lady, will you
be so kind as to notice my new walking
stick? 1t is the vewy latest l assuab
you" Ah, yes, quite handsome" "
she replied, taking it from his hands
and twirliDg it gracefully. Aw, Miss
Helen, assuah you 1t is quite too be-
coming. I should think, aw, don't you
know, that you would walk with a
stick" do, sometimes, Mr.. Fig
Clarence" she responded, and Mr.. F
merely said. Jaw, I was not aware of
it," and went on talking.
This Is the season when the city man
begins writing affectionate notes to his
country relatives inquiring tenderly
after each of the family, and ending by
announcing that as he hasn't heard
from them for such long time, he,
| together with the rest of his family,
will shortly pay them visit. And
| when the country relative receiveth
the letter, he is 30 visiD y affected that
he kicks tho dog, and wishes that he
had been born an orphan so friendless
that he didn't have a single city rela-
tive.
They were newly married Irish
couple, and the " better half" being
| ill, the husband did the cooking. Said
Barney: "Och, Biddy, dear, I've
boiled q nice pot of pyaties But I'm
afeered there's somethin' the matter wild
i'm. Whin put them IN the wattheI
they had beautiful whoite eyes, and
now that there out, ,they'r re black vans ?
Said Biddy, Gin bed, enjoying Barney
dilemma): Barney, Barney, "
haven't put enough salt in the watthe
to kill IN, an they've been hghtin' wi'
wan another -
Had q proposal from any of the fai
sex since leap year?" inquire Jones
1 have. 1 had o proposal from tn
young lady at my lodgings" jim
my, you are in luck. How did sh
muster courage to make it, and wba
id you say?" Well, you see, sh
keeps the books for her mother, 80 sh
came to me the other day and propol
ed" Yes, yes, lucky dog. Go on.
She proposed that 1 pay up my al
rears or vaeate."
"Young man." said revivalis
soiemnly," do you feel that you al
prepared TO answer the summons at an
you go to bed at night, you may /
lealled before the morning dawns?
sob, yes, sir; l IN night boy at a doctor
an ali you've got to do is to keep O
iringin' the bell until you hear II
holler."
A tramp who asked for breakfast {
Ia farm house, and was refused q sing
icrdst, exclaimed with an injured al
Alas! how deceptive is human natur
For two nights I have slept in yot
barn, eaten of yonr apples, and dram
lyour cider, and now you treat me as 81
utter stranger who has no hold upo
lyour friendship.
Which of Shaxespeare's plays q
you like, Mr.. O'Flanigan 2" Wei
like the Irish ones the best" " An
. pray, which may those be?" Al
you as ignorant as that, me son? Sur
yer eddication's been sadly neglected
/ Why, O'Thello, Cory O'Lanus, Mil
Beth, Katharine and Pat Ruchio."
The old adsge that You should N
count your chickens before they O.
matched" has thus been rendered by
professor of etiquette "The eproduce
OF poultry should postpone the census
theirj Juvenile fowls till the period
Incubation ID fully accomplished.
"What in the world are you starir
at that married couple 80 intentl
Vt for ?" asked one lady Of another in
rail road train. "Oh," exclaimed h,
:. Icompanion, with q stsrt and sigl
= " It's 80 natural for for US girls TO col
teru nlafa m atrjmonv vou knowp