Daily Republican., 1885-06-11
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
"How many of your parents. chill.
oren, say era asked the Sunday.
school teacher. " Please, mum, what
them" asked an overgrown girl in q
claimed the s' teacher, is Il possible SI
you don't know what grace Is? Dosen'.
your father say something before you
begin to eat?" sOh!" responded the
girl. with glow Of Intelligence, yes,
mum. he does; he always says, DON'T
make hogs Of yourselves; CHATS al the
butter there Is In the house!'"
| There goes hale and hearty look
ing old man." said Mrs. Jarvis to her
handsome elderly man passed and bow
ed. Yes. mamma, SO see." Don't
you think heis fine specimen of green
old age, dau2hter?" continued the
mother, following the old gentleman
with her eyes. Yes. mamma, do.
and about The greenest old age I ever
saw. Why, the old fool asked ms last
night to marry him.
| Bride l must have your advice,
doctor. My husband gets the night
mare nearly every night and frightens
me half to DEATH" Doctor: You
have gone into housekeeping, sup
pose ?" Bride Yes we Just got
settled last week" Doctor And l
presume, rs there are only two in the
family, you attend TO the housekeeping
duties yourself 2" Bride: " Yes. "
Doctor Well, get some one else to
do the cooking"
am lonely. my darling. without
you," wrote Smith to his absent wife
"oh, 80 lonely, and count the days
until you return" Several hours later
Smith met Jones, another grass
widower. Well, old boy" observed
Jones, " let's go down to the island to.
night and have quiet little time"
All right, replied Smith, I" I've only
got five more days before the old hen
gets back
A clearinghouse keeper was sur
prised to see one of hex boarders one
morning take the butter from the plate
and knock 1t around the table with the
fork. " What are you doing that for?"
she asked. Madame" replied the
boarder, this butter Is so very strong
that hud 1t necessary to weary it a
little before eating, or it would knock
out my stomach In the first round"
What seems to be the natter" he
asked mildly, as they were returning
from church. Didn't you enjoy the
sermon?" Enjoy the sermon?" she
repea ted shortly, land that odious Mrs
Smith sitting directly in front of me
with new winter jacket on that never
cost less than sixty dollars! You must
think have very warm religious tenn.
permanent.
Emma. l hear you have broken off
with George" Yes, am sorry, but
1t had to be. He insulted papa"
9 Why, what did he do ?" "Well you
know last Sunday night papa kinder
kicked him off the steps, and when be
came around Monday he brought q
pair of slippers with the toes padded,
and asked me if wouldn't get the old
man to put them on"
:.You are an awful fcol, John Smith,"
she said to her husband with emphasis.
E" ! know l am" he humbly ack nowl-
edged. "And have been ever since the
day l married you" Longer than
that, my dear, longer than that"
Quite likely Yes" he went on
sadly; :" have been an awful fool ever
since the day asked you to marry
me-"
What name does your husband call
you by ?" said bride to friend who
had been married several years. "Does
he call you ducky or lovey My dar.
ling calls me ducky." Does he 81
Mine used TO call me popsy worsy, but
be doesn't use that term now" What
does he call you. then ?'' "He calls
me Say, there ?
+" don't want no rubbish, no fire!
sentiments, if you please" said the
widow who was asked what kind of an
epitaph she desired for her late hus.
bands tom bstone Let it be short and
simple, something like this William
johnson, aged seventy. i've years. The
good die young
"Since you have some notion of mar
rying," said one, why uon' t you take
Marguerite, your sisters charming
friend ? She is an angel" II don't
dispute that but she paints" "Oh,
come now, my dear fellow, honestly,
have you ever seen an angel that was
not painted ."
Arc your domestic relations agree. |
able?" asked q judge OF a colored wit |
n AS. WHAT'S dat conjunction, boss?"
T." ask are your family ties pleasant ."
" Wall. no ssh. When oman ties a |
man when he's drunk and whips him |
till he's sober, l doan't t'ink dat it's
pleasant, sab.
So hot water is great cure. Is it'll
Well. shan't let any OF my boarders
get sick for want of that medicine.
just put another gallon of hot water in
that oyster soup, Maria, and l guess
yon had better take out that oys ter now
it might be too rich"
And how much the pale young lady
that sat mkt to the military gintlemanI
r.sen b,ei her father /" Dennis =" In.
daie, it's meself that remarked that
same to Mary. should have knownl
sue was his daughter if I'd niver laid
syss on him"
Newer mind, my young kid L m 60
ing ap To see your mother about this"
" That's all right % yelled back the
small boy. You just 80 right along
mp there. Pa filled \ man full of buck
shot the other day for going TO SEQ my
ma
So your daughter hes gone to Sara
toga 2" said n.ishbor to Squire Mo.
Gill. Yes" +" Did she have a chap.
sron 81 Have a chap around Gosh,
yes. There was half q dozen chaps
around when ste took the cars"
A CAED.-TO ALL WBU ace SUI 1
A fering from the errors and indiscretions
u manhood, etc., will send roctpo that
will cure you frao o? charge. This aruat l I