Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-03-26

the occasion Tor this uncaIled-f0r re-
sistance!' and Mr.. Spoopendyke haul
ed his pie out of the oven and fired ID
down on the table. .sGot an idea YOU
are going to be assassinated with q broom
splint, haven't We? Think you're a
sort of bulwark of American liberties
and bound to resent foreign interyen-
ton. don't We. Well, you amt; you're
only . measly pie, and you are going
to have something stuck into ye, if it
takes cold chisel and cannonr' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke stabbed at it with a
fork. and then with a chopping-knife,
without producing the faintest inn
preston. You're up in pie. what
dye s'pose is the matter with the
thinge" he asked, turning to his
wife.
.If I'd been your mother | should
have put some lard in the crust, Z
returned Mrs. Spoopendyke complac-
emily.
II don't know how you are going to
get lard into a crust that you can PEN
citrate with a bayonetrn retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, upon whom it began to
dawn that there was a hitch some
where. 1--WE almost forgotten how
mother did try pies to see if they were
done. =
did she ever try club?n inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
mo, she didn't try club!' roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke. s'Come hither, my
gentle pie!' he howled, planting his
fist in the middle of the apparatus.
Listen to the voice of the siren in
curing within!' and he dropped it on
the floor and planted his heel on it.
Front door closed for repairs; en-
trance ut the back!p and he kicked the
whole business to the ceiling.
your mother must have been very
vigorous for her age observed Mrs.
Spoopendykc, calmly.
Its those gasted humps of meat, !"
snarled Mr.. Spoopendyke, picking up
the pie and examining its knobs and
bumps attentively. Il thought they'd
melt when subjected to intense heat.
Anyway, the inside of that pie is all
right, if / could only get the lid off.
Got anything / can get under the edge
and lift the roof off this business?
Gimme that can-opener! Give way.
now! Whoop! Once morei Hi yah!
All together, now! Whc-e-e! There
she comes!' And The crust gave way,
revealing chunks of beef and apple
parings, half-cooked and still steam
ing.
..Isuppose your mother put in the
spices and cider after the hired man
had wrenched the pie open, remarked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, solemnly.
.'You do, do YEP" squealcd Mr..
Spoopendyke, squatting down and
resting his hands on his knees, while
he grinned in his wife's face. THAT
lump of quicksilver you call your mind
has got around to where it transacts
the supposing business, has itp P'raps
you don't like the pie! / s'pose you've
got some fashionable notion that you
don't care to associate with this pie!
Well, you needn't l don't force I'M
pleasant acquaintance on my wife!
| believe in making home a paradise, /
do! Go forth, pier' and he .shied it
through the window, glass, sash, and
all. THAT suits you?" he yelled.
docs your moral nature feel relieved
by the absence of the pie you have been
instrumental in casting upon the chill
ed charities OF an unsympathetic
worldp'
II guess that pie can take care of
itself, suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke,
soothingly. 1.-The next time | make
one I'll try and have it just as your
mother used to. "
"You'll fetch it! roared Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, stamping up and down the
kitchen and slapping the flour off his
coat. you never have any trouble
with things after | have shown you
how! Some day I'll pour lard in your
ear, and spice in your eye, and leave
you in the oven to reflect on how you'd
like to be cut off from intellectual So
cial intercourse, just because you amt
half baked!' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
slammed the door after him and mount
ed the stairs with heavy tread.
81 don't care, murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke. as she swept up the de-
bris; II don't care. If that is the
way his mother made pie / don't won
der it left a strong impression on his
mind
And with this charitable view of the
situation Mrs. Spoopendyke sat down
to the consideration of whether she'd
better make false train for her new
black silk. -Drake's 1rdceler'S Maya
zine.