Daily Republican., 1885-10-21
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

COnJutof, pOlutluB 10 y large C8Dlu6t. ii
. Now, ladies and gentlemen, allow me Ii
% exhibit my concluding trick.I would
Ask any lady In the company to step on m
% the stage and stand in this cupboard. ~
| will then close the door. When
open 1t again the lady will have van .,
isbed without leaving trace b ehind." q,
Brute In front seat, aside to his wife
" say. old woman, do me favor, and +,
step up" =
An insurance agent applied to
woman to induce her TO get her hus.
bands life insured own be sure
TO get the money II he dies directly ?"
+" Certainly, madam" " But will you
give me any assurance that he will die y
directly p" "No, madam, we cannot
do that" Well, then, what good
will it be to me to get his life insured
II he doesn't die? knew there was
some catch about the insurance bust ,
ness"
" Charles, said Mrs. spendall, 81
saw beautiful costume to day, and
should like IL ever and ever 30 much"
" l should like you to have it," replied
Charles" but, really. Clara, haven't
the monev to spare" Oh, you great
tease! K low letter than that.
saw . brand-new check in your
checks had been used"
Young man: Your daughter has
referred me to you, SIR" Old man
All right, you have my consent. Is
that all you WANT" Young man !: |
/" Well-er-one thing more 1 would !,
like 70 ask, sir. II ! should present
your daughter with diamond engage
lment ring, wou you be willing ter
.l-gIve me- receipt for 1t, in case any
thing unpleasant should happen?"
Clara (who owns to twenty; think
of the artfulness of thst mink OF .
Mary Oldmaiden! Would you believe
lit, she told Mr.. Suitor that ! was
. twenty-five years old? She knew well
enough she wasn't coming within FIVE
years of the truth" Dearest friend:
!" Why, Clara, you don't mean &c say
that she should have told him you
a we're Thirty"
II Miss Betty was remarkably young
and handsome looking woman for her
years, and she never told any one how
L old she was. Gracious me, Miss
Betty" said an old acquaintance,
i admiripgly, one day, now we'll
you keep your ast - Thanks" sne
Il replied, with emile. i" How do you
}. ever manage to do i,?" Oh, easy
L
IL There Is such a thing 40 being smoth
cred in honey. A man recently drew
La big prize in q lottery, and the very
N same day his wife had tHins-both boy I
i.l-bis mother in-iaw was struck by
lightning while on the way to pay him
: La visit, and man who had owed him
live dollars for ten years 3. mt along The
" money.
II "Why, what's the matter, Susie
n You LOOK as II you had been crying al
a night" "Oh, Mel lie, fear George nc
y. longer cares fig for me-" Nonsense
q What makes you think So" Why
g. tried every way to get up a quarre
4, " ith him last evening, but be-bot -
he-boo-hoo--h let me have my OWL
n way every time"
ar Hostess: "Are you q musician, Mr.
y. Jones'" Jones, who is dying to CIV
,.s All exhibition OF his ability: "Well-e
n, i-yes, 1 think can lay claim to som
suow.edae OF music." Hostess: an
N, delighted to know it. Ny daughter
70 about to play, and / should be yer,
I'd glad il you would kindly turn tn
re music for her"
I Miss Budd d" Do you think Mis-
r Roseleaf pretty, MIR. Holworthy. p?
~ Holworthy (striving TO say somethin
II. complimentary , Well, she has
est very intellectual face" Miss Budd
t oh, fie, Mr.. Holworthy ; what a con
= lplimept to pay young lady J. MI
m Holworthy "Oh, 1 wouldn't say it {
ID lyou, you know.
get Accepting his Apology" l hay
= never given you credit for knowing yer
TN much madam" said blunt old bach
ale lor /; ;" but" Sir, she INTERRUPT
ed ed, lido you wish to insult--" "But,
*. he continued, have always al
lmired your grace and beauty" " a
sd cept your apology, said the lady.
W., First whipper-snspper: Why.
= you hesitate about getIipg marie
Algeraon ?" Second whipper -snapa e
orr Aw I've my weasons, my boy"
am- W. s: Afwaid you can't 3 Import
NO wife 2" s. w. s. Ma, ma boy, l.
:" afwaid she can't support me-"
ios "Let me see," said minister W
-itu was filing up q marriage oertihct
IL" and had forgotten the date; " this is I
IrEl fth marriage is 1t not: Nc, BIZ
ma / replied the bride, with some indign
s,3t. ton, this is only my secondl'
yT71 Those birds flying over youder
t Oh. aquatic birds, suppose?' asked
OFT young man in q yachting snit, OF
pr,i CADI2lu OI LILO bJcNnhois ANSi -
A.. amt" was the scorniul rsply. "Th
dilis, are ducksv'
1T. Nick" said bricklayer to
, an iaborer, =" II you meet Patrick, tell b
=. a. TO make haste, al Wa are waiting
VIZ him" "Shure an I WILL" repl
- Mick; and what will tell him
orS don't meet him."
u. A wealthy man buying large wa
oil
'TEK tno, the seIio. asn -. u, 1osn
% II frebut, you Val so' .
EST tab TOR my daughter" was the trutf
'etis reply.
and The mate Of q ship at the crit
1T moment of storm shonted out: ,"
nm 90 the topsail balyards ~ Il ain
feont touching 'em, SIR" was the reply o
b ard newly shipped "s4ilor,"
liable,
on st. Eyes. E.me ralda, your ma is
'-or doubtedly right. Iron is good for
-. Iblood. For instance, observe
i. in | clear complexion the Chinese laun
iiroa men have
is-4t uPlsase to give me something,
- lsaid an old woman. had q
MO. lchild he was my only means OF
|, ,s san,a tencs, and the poor boy has recoy
10 tt his sight"
An Ohio lover, writing to his sv
,ssS heart, sxpatiating upon MS aneotio
,.N- Iher, describes his heart as Being r
U LIN out fiat like . pancake and folded II
.es and hers.
o2o-2ta A thoughtful man can find foddt