Morning journal and courier., 1885-08-14
PRESENTS.

Old dsmen love the past, young men love the
 futuIe, but if you want to tickle girls fan
 cy give her present. Chronicle
 Telegraph.
 Young housekeeper (after gazing helpless
 ly at the different cuts s)-sI want piece
 that can use for soup" Butcher People
 generally get fore legs for soup, ma'am." " Young housekeeper (aghast) )-'tHow many
 did you says Fours"- -Harper's Bazaar. stYoung man, said a revivalist solemnly,
 "do you feel that you are prepared to answer
 the summons at any moment? Do you real
 may be called before morning dawns?" 'fOh,
 yes, sir; Pm night clerk in drug store, an
 all you've got to do is to keep on ringin' the
 bell until you hear me holler."
 My little boy" said gentleman, ''you
 ought not to eat those green apples. They
 are not good for little boys" E'They hain't,
 ehs' the boy replied with his mouth full.
 "Guess you don't know much about lem,
 mister. Three of these applesll keep me
 out of school for a week."-New York Times.
 Life Insurance Agent-Come, let me make
 you out policy.
 Mr. Dusenberry-Not to day, sir. ''Why nota'' The premium on $20,00O wouldn't be much. It would be nice sum to leave your wife.
 s'I said mot to-day, sir NowI say never, sir. A handsome young widow with $20, ,000 is the most dangerous legacy 6 man could leave behind him. ."-Philadelphia Call. s'What is the difference between an acci- dent and surprise7" asked Mrs. Spelter at breakfast. "All accidents are surprises, but not all surprises are accidents" replied s. eff I were to tip over the lamp it would be an accident; if you would say nothing about it it would be surprise" '1 see:" said Mrs. s. dangerously. "And if you were to come home from the club sober that would be both surprise and an accident. Pitts burg Dispatch.
 The chief advantage in marrying Chicago girl, according to the Fall River Advance, is that she always comes in handy for stretch ing her husbands new shoes. The Merchant Traveller also gets in it's little whack at the wickedest in America by saying that in Chi cago when girls shoe wears out it has win dows put in the sides, trucks run under it | and it is run as a horse car. That's what makes the car drivers strike in that town Cincinnati Merchant Traveller. College man, ehs" said old Grampus. "Yes, sir" young MT. Slim meekly admitted. Thought so," grow1ed the old man; 'tgrad- ! uated, reckon?' "Yes," young Slim con- | fessed stNow," said the old man, "what | did you learn when you graduated? Come, speak up if you want the place" Nothing, , l said young Slim, still more meekly; moth:
 ing at r Thought hs so" h. rG1red taaah the old ssYou see," added young Slim, in voice
 Moses might have envied, "we don't learn ! anything when we graduate; we have to learn it all before." Young Mir. Slim de served the situation. But he didn't get it, all the same.-Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle. The mirth and fun at their height The pleasure without alloy, | When the merry company called that night For song from the messenger boy. And he blithely sang the good old song That in youth we used to know, Sang in a voice both clear and strong, "Go slow, young man, go slowi'' Boston Courier. | A boy will eat and boy will drink, And boy will play all day; But boy won't work and a boy won't think, Because he ain't built that way Chicago Ledger.