davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
PARADE DAY lf1 MEXICO.
Celebration Of an Anniversary-Briiiian
Show of Uniforms
ITaemhava Cor New York Tribune


lTacubaya Cor. New York Tribunel
The celebration Of the anniversary II the
repulse of the French, at the storming of
Puebla i'm 1872 by Gen. Lorence'. occurred
not long ago Two reviews took place. one
ON the plain II San Lazaro, outside Of the
city, aud another in the city. AT the shoot
ing school there was sort Of tribute erected
ON the roof. from which the presidents
wife, the ministers families, etc, bad q
good look at the review. As il occupied lit
tie over an hour, many who went long
distance To see it were disappointed and the
booths for Refreshments made scanty
harvest.
In each review marched about 1900
men. The uniforms are simple, of dark blue
cloth. relieved in the line regiments with
gilt button, and scarlet stripes ON sleeves
and Trousers. A cloth "kepi" is covered with
white cotton stuff. from which hangs q
'havelock' of the same when i'm fatigue
dress Tie police also wear the "havelock.H
The cavalry have silver buttons and gal
loon, and black braided jackets are added
for the artillery. Their appearance was
good, and many Of the regiments marched
well.
The corps of cadets made brilliant show
and they do credit 10 the military school OF
were the 'ruraleS,' the policemen OF
the rural districts. as their name indi-
Gates. II is treat 10 the eyes
10 see them galloping along in their
high nd richly embroidered Mexican
sadilss, ON their fiery horses. The jacket
and breeches are of buff leather and the hat
a wide brimmed, light felt "sombrero." with
silver braid on rim and silver cord and
tasses: the boots are also of buff leather.
/ like the saddle and stirrups; crimson sash
is worn around the waist and the long Grim
son "serape' hang in tight and narrow folds
I behind ON each side Of the saddle. The
officers hats and jackets are the same, but
covered with embroidery OF solid silver.
/ Their black eyes. ruddy, dark compilations
and jetty boards form a striking contrast
TO this picturesque and brilliant dress Theii
rifles hang at the right side in a leather
case, and the lasso at the left.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
A SCENE m EL MADHps TENT.
The Entertaining Dialogue Translated
Into Every Day English.
-. W. Henderson.

~. W. Henderson,
Nhew! isn't it hot! j wonder what time
II is. Strikes bell on table. Slave enters. }
You confoundei lazy scamp. go and see
what time it is. Slave kisses the earth and
backs out TO the slow, lascivious piping Of an
Arabian fagott) Now, if that blamed
fool doesn't get back In less than two shakes
Of a rams tail I'll ha-t his ears Gu: off and
send them be express To old stick-in-the- mud
Wolseley. tRe-enter slave Well, wha
time is iti
Slave.-O bald-headed son Of the desert,
live sixty million ramadans
FL Mahdi You bet your beard viii. II |
can. But 20 on and get down to the point.
Slave.-lt j. now 'steen minutes after nine.
FL MahdL-Then | think / will arise
(Arises and kicks the slave through the sile
Of the tent Here. come back. you ten-dollar
Ethiopian, and dress me. Slave CONES bacl
and makes FL Mahdis toilet Thatll do:
get out. slave gets out very suddenly.
That's business. Looks at himself in the
glass; Cad, believe Tn getting fat. II
must be for the want of exercise ! lie around
here doing nothing all the time, and posi-
lively get rusty. I've got 10 rake up some ex-
element somewhere.
Enter a Slave
Slave % daisy old prophet, r spy has jus,
come in from the English zereba az kaysah.
bea Wells
Fl MahdL-An right, sonny Trot him
out.
Slave goes out ON his hands and knees
backwards. while the murmur OF the bul-bul
is heard. He re-enters presently with the
spy
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
PULLING LAW POINTS.
A Court Gets all Twisted Up. but Finsil,
Cnrayel~

Detroit Free Press.l
As we rode out from town ia Mississippi
10 view plantation a commercial Traveller
for a New York house expressed desire to
go along He procured "A horse and joined
the party. and bis company was welcomed.
A mile and half from town we came to a
written notice. posted ON a board, and every
body stopped to read il. IL was a notice OF
sheriff-s sale and the colored man who tackled
il up was still on the ground. The notice was
badly written and worse spelled, and the
drummer laughed loud and losg over ''cat'
for calf ''det" for debt, and ''Sherufn for
sheriff
What's wrong wild dat notisl" asked the
colored man in a very edgy voice.
Its too funny for anything" was the re-
ply. Someone had better go Ia school"
Oats me, sab. I'm constable an writ
dat off"
'oh. You dido Wei, hope the c-a-f viii
be sold
'Yes, sab. You some along wild me, sahl'
with youf'
''Yes, sab. rest YOU, sah.'
What fori7
Contempt Of court, sah! Come right
along"
''Wheref
''Befo' de ius,iss. sab, Wen see about
dat ca'f,'
The ymmmer was advised against resist
ance. and finally permitted himself 20 he
taken before a colorel Justice. nearly two
miles from the spot The constable had picked
up "A colored man on the way, who made and
swore 10 a complaint. and the drummer was
duly arraigne1 ON the charge, although hi'
honor seemed very uneasy about it, The
colonel acted n counsel for the prisoner
When the case was ready he said
''Your honor. who is this courtP
Il j.. sah.- was the dignifed reply.
Has this man shown any contempt fo'
you"
"No. sah-
''Then how can you try him for contemp
OF court"
The old man scratched his bead. opened
law book wrong side up. and finally replied
DE prisoner am discharged. hut viii he'
TO nay sl costs.
But if lie Is discharged because Of his in
nocence. where do YOU get the right 10 pu
costs onto HING asked the colonel
Where do /, Why. in dc law book.
Which one.'
de one al home
II take exceptions. your honor. and shai
carry this case 10 the supreme court, san
the colonel.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Seasonabie Rhymes.

Boston COurierl
The days are colder growing,
The raw nor'easter's blowing,
The beauty If the Indians summers fed
fed. fed
The tramps are disappearing,
The time for snow j. nearing.
The little boy is iixiis up hi, sled, sled, sledi
Tie glid Thanksgiving'> near US,
That yearly comes 90 cheer Is,
When rich mince pies are served up smoking
hot hot hot
The jolly farmers killing
His turkeys now and filling
The crop of each with several pounds Of
shot, shot, shot.
Some morning weli discover
Snow three feet deep or over
The husband then viii have "A dreadful
cough. cough. cough.
And really won be able
TO - down 70 the table
Until LIS little wife has ''shOveled of, of, /,
oH"
The lover then, no doubt,
Win take his sweetheart cut
And drive iler round the suburbs in a sleigh
sleigh, sleigh.
Behind a prancing span,
Led 10y tie livery man,
Who'll Likely have to whistle for his pay
pay pay.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Helena, Montana Thursday, December 81, 1885.
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
iirothor Gariner's Opinion Regardir
Wonsn'~ Place in Society.

irothor Gariner's Opinion Regardir
Wouusn's Place in Society.
Detroit Free Press.l
Il hold in nay hand said Brother Garlne,
a. he opened the meeting, "a petishun from
Mary Ann Johnson. Of Missouri. She want
TO he tooken into dis club as a member. In
reiectin' her appicashun desiah TO state fun
de benefit OF woman kind few Fundamental
facts:
81. Woman am good ruff in her place.
- ltam not her fauli dat she wasn't boz
fur a man.
~ A. a member of any organizashun like
dis she am a kicker.
~ When man has shown dat he j. incom
petent 10 run dis kentry. de women will b,
ciben a show. / allus feel 10 exclaim wild de
orators: 'Bress de women But also fee
TO breSs 'em fur what dey am and no
fur what some of 'enI want 10 lie.
hev sometimes sot down and wondered
what we should do widoGt 'em. IL takes
"a woman's hand 10 make catnip tea an
mustard plaster, am TO pare 'taters
make you wish YOU had a broken leg. When
YOU hev traded seben dollar shotgun fur 3
three dollar dog il am her soft words which
soothe your throbLin' soul. While YOU sleer
she watches fur burglars. While YOU wake
she sews ON hind patches. While YOU toll an
sweat she am plannin' how TO turn your old
coat top To bottom an make "a new garment
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

Though, herd come q fash Of lightning.
that laid some where ON my back, with
cold chill On my breast, and / recoil. cted
hearing a sharp, whizzing noise. Then it
occurred 10 me that a stray shell from the
battle had landed 'twixt me and the mule,
aud kinder laughed 10 think how it must
have scarf the animal. But | raised UP,
and there, ten feet away, lie was, as denure
as a deacon. But I heard a noise over
where the company was stationed,
and when I lookel | see that they
had scattered and were running as
though pretty badly frightened. Thinks ],
'Uncle Bill, the rebs are coming up that
way. and you'll be a prisoner Wei, do
know what Gid itl Twas that pesky mule.
He'd kicked, that's all He didn't hit me.
Oh. no. IL be had / wouldn't have been
here TO tell OF it. Twas the wind from the
blow that fired me ten feet, and his hoof
Just grazed my clothes in front, cutting
them off as clean as though he'd used a
razor Bus the curiousest thing about il
was this and il shows what power a mules
got in his hind leg | was Just putting the
first nail into the shoe when he kicked.
Wei, sir. the force OF that kick threw the
shoe of Gear across the field toward where
that company wes. They heard it whirring
along in the air, and thought 1t was she'll.
They ducked. The shoe struck the door Of
an CID shell, alongside Of which the company
was. AMI fastened itself onto the door slick
as sicing cucumbers. The company thought
the shell had lodged there and was going to
burst right away. and didn't they skeddadlei
Some OF the main line saw 'eIn running, and
thought Lee was coming mp TO flank 'en,
and that scarf 'em al the more, so that
some says that was the beginning OF the
whole trouble with Joe Hooker's army.
don't know about that. Now, tEst'll give
you some idea OF what a mule can DO, and
whether it needed any grit or not TO shoe
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Gen. Clusters Pet.
Mrs. Clusters "reminiscences.

Mrs. Clusters keininlscences-l
At one time Gen. Custer tanned n tiny
feldmouse and kept il in a large, empty ink
stand on his desk. IL grew very fond of
him, and ran over his head and shoulders
and even through his hair. | had. FORUM
ately, only 10 keep away from the desk
when the little creature was free. for il was
contented to consid er that his domain. The
general, thinking az last that il was cruel to
detain the little thing indoors when ii be-
longei by nature TO the fields took it out
and left il on the plain. The kindness was
Of no earthly use; like the oft-quoted pris-
oner Of the Bastile. il was back again at the
steps in no time aud prefer red captivity to
f-aaiout
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
A Considerable Daughter.
IeXas slftIn =


Sam Hobby, wealthy young man, has
been paying marked attention 10 Miss Birdie
McGinnis. Mrs. McGinnis, the mother Of
Birdie, is an immensely stout woman. A
few evenings ago Mr.. Hobby wa expected
t0 call. just before the hour appointed for
his arrival Birdie said to her mother:
Mother, dear, viii you DO NE one favOr."
"What is it, dears"
"You know that daughters always grow
Up TO resemble their mothers"
"Well, my dear@
"Wel, row just look at yourself in the
glass. You look as big as one Of these water
tanks. You know yoa weigh .G9 podnds."
.'Well, what IS it, ny daughter.
please stay in your room Don't let Mr..
Hobby see you. ! don't want him to see
much Of you.
why 80. my daughter
Because, ma, I've nearly got him coralled
lie is a little skittish. but I'll have him rOpei
IN pretty soon But if he should zee yon he
will think that II be a. biz az You some OF
these days, aud hen jump the fence sure. l
tell you, just wait until we are married, and
then you can come and live with Us, but don't
scare him OF just at this crisis
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Gen. Butler's Ready W.T..
ryyneIfrr.on HafcheL

A gentleman living az Grinncll, Ia, i III
the city to-day, and relates story concern
ing Gen. Ben Butler which we have never
seen in print. Ben was delivering speech
at Grinnell in the last presidential campaign
when some parties ascended tree oVefiooN,
ing the speakers stand. When TIE genera,
began his address they lowered over ms nead
a string from which spoon dangled- WIN
out showing the least ernbarrass ineh'' zen
Butler, as soon as he saw the dangling sioon'
clutched il and placed it IN his pocket TO
marking, "Why, that's one dion gs'.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
What bothered Him.

NlTFfl -N'WN.I
Pat" he callei 10 the man who was lev
cling down at the FAR end OF the dump
scow. "why don't you bring your father
over from Irelandi~
Cant afford it, your honor
sBut the steamships and railroads are
now carrying passengers fer nothing, and
throwing in Turkish bath as premium
~True. sir. as me old woman was saying
last night; but the stage-fare from the old
mans home 10 the nearest port is a matter
Of - cents, and that's what bothers me ami
keeps him out Of this blessed country
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

I-NfN lUIN SUM
@For a while after was married my din
ner used u te from five TO ten minutes
late. said an experienced husband, "but 1
soon remeded the matter
How dil you accomplish itl' asked an
other husband. anxiously. ~rm having the
same trouble"
Easy enough. When my wife would
come in and say, I'm sorry. dear, but dim
ner is a little lots tonight ] would reply,
'Goodi I'll have time TO step around the
corner and get drink Try that plan; it's
a good onen
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

tViCksB arg Herald
Rev. sam Jonp wh0Ops up the boys some
times and rakes them terribly about thelr
gambling and drinking frolics. "Oh, I've
been an along there, boys. know all aoous
IL, and used 20 e 70 balls and dance, 90
Toys. But when wanted TO get married,
when wanted 10 iettle down with gooq
wife. / Quit drinking and gambling, and
didn't go 20 a ball room 10 get my Wiie' Du,
went 20 a prayer meeting and 1 got a good
one lie told this in Texas, and when he
returned 20 his boarding house hrs landlady
who ha.. heard his remarks, said; i don
blame you. Brother Jones, but poor Sister
Jones. where did she 20 to get her husband!
They say this Is the only time he has beel
f00rgd since he quit drinking.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
The uiaSatha Indian Policy.

Louisville Courier Journal
Give the Indian % the army,
Give ;he red man 10 the soldier,
Then shut off biz fire water;
Ten Linn that the har-rOOm's nowhere;
Tell him he must hoe potatoes,
Tut h wheat ana III a swineherl,
Teach his maidens butter making,
Pie construction. roller skating;
How 10 wear "A new fan bonnet;
How T. don the gorgeous sealskin;
Tell him that, if he'd a dude lie,
He must have a cane and NOW some,
Tel him that the daily papers
4. must read, chat he may know more
More about his wiis's dear mother;
More about lsalitics, and 80 forth,
Thus the lna.in, thus the red man
shall become a noble pa.e-face.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Arizona Journalism Again.

- The Rcd tulch EoWle hnlfeI
THAT cowardly cur, the eiitor Of The Rip
snorter. can talk fight, but every one knows
what kind of a hairpin be j. Why, an ordi
nary glass Of good bulge can knock him out,
and when he tackles dose OF genuine Rocky
Mountain tanglefoot he is laid out stiff as q
poker He's the worst lop-sided, cross-eyed,
one-eared son Of "A galoot in these diggings,
and We warn him that he'd better carry his
shooting irons with him, for we're going &c
put some holes in his carcass the first time we
see him. Our name is Two-iingered Jake.
and We are laying for him"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Isrevities.

Boston Post: An anxious inquirer Gsks:
sslFhere would you advise me 10 go 70 learn
how 10 play the piano| To the woods, dear
to the deep, dark, dank, dangerous woods.
Arkansaw Traveller: The othe~ day, in
New York city, Henry Ward Beecher was
robbed Of a valuable watch. While walking
along. thinking Of eternity, some one robbed
him of his time. Ef3
Boston Transcript: \ Harvard student
searched for a leak in a gas pipe with lighted
match. lie win never do il again There Is
this 10 say IN favor OF a collegiate education:
When man learns anything he learns it so
thoroughly that he never forgets il.
Waif llliterate housckeeper-Nr. Carnes
you must send RE another girl Agesit-IIn
afraid The trouble is with YOU. Mrs. Prim
You've tried German. Irish and House
keeper-Ie>. Lat they're no good. Ny neigh
bcr has a. excellent girl She's a Sweden
borgian. .sila me one from Swede1borgia-
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
wise Peddler

FeddIer ,to woman az the doorl-Can | see
your mother miss,
Woman-Mv mother.
Peddler-Yes, miss, the lady OF the house.
Ihave some beautiful articles that she VII he
glad 20 see.
Woman tgraciousiy)-Well-er-l am the
lady Of the house. sir, and if you wlll step IN
to the parlor viii be glad 10 looA at "ha1'
yea have got
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Ananias Helps Him.


ssHow i il that You can tel such whop-
persfn asked a caller. addressing the editor oi
the fish story department. We'll, you see,
replied the editor, ''our wife's name i Anna.
"Iyhat has that to DO with il a great
deal. When we are writing fish stories we
usually have Anna nigh to rs to help Us
The caller was carried 10 the hospital
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

What an awful situation for young Fresh
field to be inl Seeing a chance when no enc
he knew was about, he buys Iair OF eheap
suspenders; as be has nothing less than a iiSe-
dollar ball, the obliging owner ot the tray
offers 70 20 and get II changed Tor hiiii' "ile
be holds the tray for security.
The first picture is of young i. aI'er the
lapse OF Is minutes; and the second IS tne
obhgiug peddler several blocks away Win
young r. v.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Another Panorama.
lChicago Herald I

The Berlin painters, Bracht. Koch and
Roehling. who executed the huge panorama
of the hattie Of Sedan. have received a COM
mission 70 paint the battle OK Chattanooga OF
the same scale. TIE artists are to spend two
months in Tenressee studying the theatre Of
the conflict AMI then return 70 Berlin
where the picture is to be paintei.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

Washington Republic: A friend telll
me a story II one 8Ir. r., who de-
.ightel in the false claim that he was
s.on terms with ali the famous members
az the literalL Oae evening, az social
gathering. Young LADY engaged Mr.. R
IN conversation about books and authors.
'Did YOU know George Sandf the young
lady asked.
Know George sand Should say did
We used 10 room together"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
Trusts Him for the Rest.

A Main street. girl told her young man
that she would never marry him until he
was worth SO, 0J1. So he s.artel out with
q brave heart 10 make l.
How are you getting on, GeorgeN she
asked at the expiration Of Il couple Of
months
sWen." said George, hopefully, Il have
saved S-2'
The girl dropped her eyel lashes AMI blush
ingly remarked: Il reckon that's nearly
enough, George. We are both OF age, and
a license will only cost fifty cents"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

London judy
t;eore,;e-.Do vcu know. Ethel. old S.okos
had perplexity fit the other daSt
EtheI-"A perplexity III: yoa mean par
aIlel stroke
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31
THE WORLD FROM THE SIDE
WALK.

lid yuu ever stand iu the crowded street
lu the glare OF the city lamp,
tad Ii-t TO the tread OF the million fee;
their quantity musical tramp.
A. the surging crowd 20 TO and fro
.Tis pleasant sight ween, /.
Tomark the figures that come and go
Iu Tie ever changing scene
I,r. thc publican walks with tl.e sinner proud
And the priest Ia his gloomy Cowl.
And Dives walks la the motley crowd
With Lazarus cheek by jowl,
aud the daughter Of toll with her fresh young
heart
A. pure a. spotless fame,
Keeps - y with the woman " no makes her mart
On the haunts Of sin and shame.
How lightly trips the country lass
Do the midst Of the city's ills,
A. freshly pure a. the daisied grass
That grows on her native hills.
Aud the beggeT, too, with his hungry eye,
aud his lean, wan face and crutch,
Gives Il blessing the same TO the pa->er by
A. he gives him little or much.
When time has beaten the worlds tattoo,
And iu dusky armor dight,
l. treading with echoess footsteps through
The gloom of silent night,
How many ofthese shall be daintily led
And shall sink in slumber sweet,
While many will 20 to "A supperless bed
And never "A cTumb to eat!
All me, when tho hours go joyf1lly by,
How little we stop to heed
our brother's and sisters despairing cry
In their woe and bitter need!
Vet such a world as the angels sought
This world Of ours we'd call
lfthe brotherly love that the Father taught
Was felt 10y each for all.
y,ta few short years and this motley throng
viii all have passed away,
And the rich aud poor and the od and the
young
viii be undistinguished clay.
And lips that laugh and lips that moan
shall alike IN silence be sealed.
And some will lie under stately stone,
And some lu the Potter's Field.
But the sun viii be shining just as bright,
And 20 will the sivery moon,
And lust such a crowd will be mere at night,
And lust such a crowd at noon;
And men will be wicked and women will sin,
A. ever since Adams fall.
With the same old world To labor in,
And the same God over all.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

"Umph! Dat alters de case. DE prisoner
am discharged from his fine Of II, an. de
constable am fined - for making fool oil
hisself an gettin' dis court all twisted up in 3
hard knot afore white folks,
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

lcooaalI-s SUM-
A farmer once called his COW Zephyr
She semesl such an aTiable hephyr.
When the farmer drew near,
She kicked CT his eaa,
And now tie cid farmers much deIi.yrs
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

De true woman am AN angel ON roller skates
As for de kind who spend der time wild gad-
din de streets am readin' mv stories-an dis
Mary Ann johnson probably belongs TO dat
class-de less We see of 'em de better. Let
Us now purceed wild de reglar purceedin's."
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-31

en-