News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-09-03
WHITE HOUSE P1EAsANTRrEs.

/ am anxious to see, as our English
friends would say, a good man at the
'elm, and while I'm maple"
"Chestnuts" exclaimed the delega-
tion in breath.
Then the President retired to his desk
with pleasant smile on his face, and the
delegation departed, well pleased with
the success of their mission.-B0ston
Courier.
STRICTLY SPIRITUAL.
Mr.. Goodman-"There is nothing like
charity, my poor man."
Mr.. Poorman-''No more there is,
sir.n
Mr.. Goodman-''We should always
help one another"
Mr.. Poorman-"Very true, sir. Will
you kindly lend me dollar2"
Mr.. Goodman hastily)-"You mis-
understand me. I mean in a strictly
spiritual purpose. ."-Ph6lG. Call.
ALL FOR LOVE.
was sitting in a hammock
Not alone.
was sitting near an object
Not of stone.
On nv cheeks mid whispers low
could feel her sweet breath blow
Fragrance richer far than Eau
De Cologne.
Quite entranced with the delicious
Situation,
Yielding madly to wild
Intoxication,
Which impelled me to enfold
Some thing rather nice to hold
In ones arms, 1 made the old
Declaration.
She said eyes," and we were married
In the fall.
We had love enough, but lacked
The ''wherewithal"
So we carried off load
OF the dollars which were slowed
In the safe; now our abode
Is Montreal.
TEXAS sittings.
APPROPRIATE TO THE OCCASION.
Featherly is something of musician,
and was attending an evening party
given in honor of the eldest daughter of
the family.
'I would be glad if you would sing
something, Mr.. Featherly," said the
hostess.
Certainly, my dear madam. viii
you suggest song?"
ooh, anything that is appropriate to
the occasion. l will leave the selection
with you"
So Featherly, with that rare tact and
discrimination for which he is so justly
popular in society, sat down at the piano
ana sang Backward, Turn Backward,
o Time, in Thy Flight. "-Nea0 York
San.
ON A BUSINESS BASIS.
'cNo, George" she said firmly, zone
dish is enough. do not think it right
for young ladies to eat more than one
dish of ice cream at another's expense" ?"
''But think of last winters gas and
fuel" replied George. 'How cheer
fully and uncomplainingly you furnished
them"
Greatly, George, since you put it in
that light, will take little more"
"And strawberries, and cake, and
lemonade?"
eyes, please. ."-Drake's Magazine.
ONE GOOD TRAIT.
''There is one thing that I have al
ways admired Adam for" said the con-
ductor to commuter, who was in tbs
habit of forgetting his ticket every
other day.
''What trait of his character do you
admire most2"
ellis memory. He never left his
Communication ticket at home"
The commuter muttered something
about man being ''too awful smart"
but the conductor pretended not to hear
it.-Drake's Magazine.
SENT 1T.
A few days ago Bath grocer, call
ing to his messenger boy, laid tele-
gram and a silver quarter down on box
of goods, telling him to take it to the
telegraph office and "order it sent at
once" Sometime afterward he had a
call for some of the goods in the box,
but it had disappeared. Diligent search
failed to bring it to light. Finally the
boy was asked if he had seen it.
''Why," he responded, 81 took it to the
telegraph office p'-Bath Courier.
THE NEW MILKMAN.
Young Wife-''Tell me, dearest, isn't
this rich and nice?"
Young Husband-"Yes, it is much
better than what we have had. How
did you managew
Young Wife enthusiastically - 81
engaged new milkman who guarantees
his milk, and have bought enough to
last us a week. ."-Bost0n Beacon.
PRESERVING THE UNITIEs
Said Dallas young lady to female
friend;
"Why do you use two kinds of paper
in writing love letters?"
''When | write to Jim use red paper
because that means love, and when l
write to Tom l use blue paper, for that
means faithfulness. ."-I'eras SiftiRgs.
DAsHEs
FAY says Mr.. Cleveland is one of the
best-natured men he ever met. Very
likely. He has no wife to tell him every
day lust how the government should be
conducted, ana how she knew all the
time that a certain appointment would
ruin his administration.
SHE only said: ''The dude is dreary,
He goeth not" she said.
She said: 'rm weary, weary, weary,
And want to go to bed. Chicago Sun.
AMONG the latest stories from Paris
is that it is so fashionable to be bald
that Young men are having their hair
pulled out Why do they not wait until
after they are married2
sTHEY say that Mr.. Smith is a very
close student" " remarked Poppinjay at
the dinner table. Angelina blushed to
the roots of her hair, and admitted, with
a litter, that she generally did sit pretty
well over on her side of the sofa when
called.
'THERE is pleasure in the painless woods,'
A pleasure that their sweet secusion grants,
But not for him who, in their solitudes,
Sits down upon a colony of ants.
THE gentleman who rode on bicycle
from St. Louis to Boston during the
summer solstice is at least entitled to as
much credit as the man who worked his
passage on the canal by leading the
horse.
A LAWYER addressing jury on case
proved by strong circumstantial evidence,
repeated often that ''ninety-nine guilty
men should escape rather than that one
innocent man should suffer" The
Judge, in charging the jury, told them
the ninety y-nipe guilty had long since
escaped"