News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-08-27

"You haven't committed any crime
have you, Mr.. Featherly ~ asked Bobb
with some concern.
Don't be foolish, Bobby, "interpose,
his mother; ''of course Mr.. Featherl
hasn't committed any crime"
II know you think he hasn't, becaus
you told sister this morning that he i
the most innocent young man you eve
saw, but l wanted to see if he'd say so.
HAPPY FATHER
Said an exasperated Texas father a
the dinner table:
You children turn up your noses a
everything on the table. When l wa:
boy [ was glad to get enough dry
bread to eat.
81 say, pa, you are having much
better time of it, now you are living
with us, amt you ~ remarked little
Tommy.-Iecas .Siftings.
A woMAN's LOVE.
Young Perkins Ethel, in few short
days l will be far, far away.
Ethel Qanguidly)-How far2
Young P, (desperately)-I know not
thousands of miles perhaps. To-mor-
row night shall leave this house, per-
haps forever.
Ethel with interest)-What's the
matter with to-night?-Philadelohia Call.
DOTS AND DAsHEs
AN indignant correspondent asks
morning paper why it is that little boy
of six is arrested for fishing in certain
pond in which a fish commissioner
bathes regularly. Without committing
ourselves it would seem that it is be-
cause the little boy is not fish commits
sioner
WOULDN'T he go along with you 2"
asked judge day or two ago of a
policeman accused of numerically club
bing a prisoner ooh, yes, he went
along all ri ht," replied the policeman.
Then why did you club him." asked
the judge. "And sure, your Honor,
what did l have the club for 2"
JOHN G.. FREMONT, who is 72 years
old, says that he camped where Chicago
Is, where Minneapolis is and where Salt
Lake City is before there was a house at
either place. He also tried to camp
where Cleveland is, but was driven of
at the Buchanan's mouth.
Two tramps stopped at the house of
lone widow and one went in to beg.
Very soon he came out with a bloody
nose and a black eye. ''Did you get
anything, Jack ~ Eyes" growled the
sufferer. GIVE got the widows might"
''oh, DEAR" yawned little boy after
he had returned from church, 81 don't
wonder the world is so full of wicked
ness" ''Why so?" asked the astonished
mother. "Cause God picked out such
a tedious day for Sunday"
AN exchange says: "The backbone
of the Cleveland strike is broken"
That is well enough as far as it goes;
but it is not so much the backbone of
strike that needs breaking as the jaw
bone.-Puck.
IT didn't afford us much consolation
when the thermometer was celebrating
its centennial, to predict that, accord
ing to the belief of scientists, "the sun
is losing its heat" Our earth seem to
find all the heat the sun loses.
WHEN n tramp sees a woman with
pistol or a gun in her hands he goes
right on without winking, but let her
appear on the scene with dipper of hot
water and then he makes tracks like
SOMEBODY told Lady Morgan that
certain bishop was SO lax in church ob-
,ervance that che would eat horse
IN Ash Wednesday," ''Of course he
WOULD" said the lady, ''if 1t was fast
lorse."
A YOUNG lady in Westfield, Mass,
he other day, was sure she heard rat
lesnake, but on investigation found the
loise was caused by box OF pills rat
ling in her pocket.
'What is the best thing for potato
,ugs?" asks a rural subscriber. Up to
he hour of going to press nothing has
1een found more satisfactory than pota-
,oes.
THE king of Siam has about three
hundred children. This explains why
he favorite hymn among the people OF
Utah is ''Just as Siam"
HE: Il see the latest idiocy of wo-
nan is to have a monkey for pet"
She: ''This is not new. 1t was so
when we got married"
SOME hopeless wives will take their
ives and others will to law go; those
i've of course, where's no divorce, and
;hese live in Chicago.