The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-06
THE ALMANAC COAT.


Wonderful Garment That wnl Fore
tell the Weather and Keep Away the
Cholera.
Herman" said Hoffenstein. as he
entered the store and hung his hat on a
nail, II haf shust had big SURPRISE,
you know"
How vas dat, Misder Hoffenstein?"
inquired Herman, noticing that the old
man was in good humor.
"Vel, you see, goes up NIT de ex-
position dis morning, und vat you dink,
| meets Jake Loewenburg und Solomon
Myers, vat vas old frents uf mine in
Vicksburg twenty-five years ago. Loe-
wenburgh vas at de EXPOSITION as Won
uf dose Turks, und vas selling beads
und oder leedle dings, und Myers told
me dat he vas dere as an Egyptian, und
vas making blenty uf money. Veil. ven
l sees dose fellows it takes my breath
right away, because I dinks dey vas
dead. Myers broder Jake vas counting
my wife Leah at de same time / vas, und
We vas great frents. Myers dells me
dat Jake failed in pisness at Leedle
Rock short vile ago und vas doing
veil, because he fails ON Won side uf his
store und runs de oder.h
Ho1enstein smiled pleasantly at the
idea, and walked to the door and looked
down the street, and as he did so GUS
toner came in.
"Yat can Lido for you, my frentP" he
inquired.
81 want to get good coat. but one
that is cheap. I'm farmer, and go in
for comfort more than do for style. "
''You vos right about dot, my trent,
and | dinks dot l can fit you mid a
good article at an easy brice. Now,
here vos coat for eight dollars, vich is
de very ding you want, and he pulled
coat out of pile of rather tough
looking clothing.
The customer commenced to examine
it, but suddenly lifted his nose and ex-
claimed: Whey hg 1ogo! there is 8
last years sWsM ABOUT this coat that is
not pleasant. What have you beer
doing with it?''
II knew you vos going to say dot. ,
! said Hotfensten, in nonchalant way
"Ail of my customers say dot ven dey
look at de coat. because dey dom
know dot it vas one uf dose almanac
disinfecting coats vich haf shust beer
put on de market not more as dre'
months ago. De coat vat you haf il
your hand vas soaked in de WOOL factor,
we're it vas made mt preparation ex
hressly for de purpose of keeping d,
cholera away, und my bruder vot lifs il
Europe writes me last week dot d.
Pruss an Government wont let de peopl,
wear any oder kind. so dot if de choler;
comes along dey III keep helty, yol
know. Herman, look in my desk unC
| get my bruder Ike's letter. vich v,
shows de gentleman. No, nefer mind
! forget dot leaves dot letter NIT m,
| wife dis morning. Ny trent. dot Goa
vas better for de cholera den all d
doctors und de medicine vot you cal
haf. und de smell uf de preparation
| goes r.ght away ven you goes out mi
de air. Put on de coat, my trent, UNI
We sees how it fits, you know"
| The customer did SO, and surveys
first one side of himself and then th
other by the aid of the dingy mirror il
the rear end of the store.
'Why do you call it an almana
coat?" asked the customer, who wa
rather pleased with the cut of the coat
because it vos made EXPRESSLY fo
gentlemen vot lifs on farm, und il vi
dell you how de vedah will pc, und vc
to do to save your crop. You see d
changes in de vedder haf de same effeC
on dot coat as dey haf on so much quick
silver, und yos dwice so much more II
liable. Ven you see de coat commenc
to turn red around de collar it vas
sign dat dere is full moon and it va
time to blant vatermelons, und ven d
tail of de coat shrnks und de button
on it go half way up your back shus
look out for bad. vet vedder, und don
pull fodder, you know. Ven de buttor
drop den you know dat de vedder vi
be fine und can act accordingly. Ye
dake my advice und buy dot coat, un
you will find dot you makes better crol
den any Won we're YOU IFS"
J The customer appeared to be Statistic,
and after purchasing the coat and lea
ing the store, Hoffenstein said: s.He
, man, vas shust dinking de oder ds
dat I would gf dat old job lot away
some orphan asylum, because it b;
been in de stock efer since de var, ur
/ it schmells de whole store up. | dir
/ We better keep it vile longer. und vol
, it off NIT the almanac scheme" ar
J again he walked to the door in hope tn
, another customer would come inn
Times Democrat.
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