Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1885-12-17
MARK TWAIN As 4 SOLDIER.


/ - 0N--- e---1 a -Att~-ts ~ t-O NCitf
tury, we take this incident:
FOR time life was IDLY delicious, it
was perfect; there was nothing to mar
it. Then came some farmers wit
alarm one day. They said it wa
mored that the enemy were advancing ib
our direction, from over Hyde's prairie.
The result was sharp stir among us,
and general CONSERVATION. It was
rude awakening from our pleasant
trance. The rumor was but a rumor-
nothing definite about it; %, III The
confusion, we did not know which way
to retreat. Lyman was for not retreat
ing at all, in these uncertain circumstan-
ces; but he found that if he tried to
maintain that attitude be would fare
badly, for the command were ia 40
humor to put UP with insubordination.
So he yielded the point and called A
council Of war-to consist Of himself
and the three other officers; but the pri-
Yates made such fuss about being left
out, that we had to allow them To be
present. / mean we had to allow them
to remain, for they were already pres
ent, and doing the most Of the talk
ing too. The question was, which way
to retreat; but all was so furried that
nobody seemed to have even a guess to
offer. Except Lyman. He explained
in few calm words, that inasmuch as
the enemy were approaching from over
Hyde's prairie, our course was simple;
all we had to do was not TO retreat to-
ward him; any other direction would
answer our needs perfectly. Everybody
saw in moment how true this was, and
how wise; SO Lyman got great many
compliments. 1t was now decided tha
we should fall back on lIason's farm.
It was after dark BY this time, and a.
we could not know how soon the enemy
might arrive, it did not seem best to try
and take the horses and things with Us;
50 we only took the guns and ammunition,
and started at once. The route was very
rough and hilIy and rocky, ami pres
emily the night grew very black and rain
began to fall; 50 we had 4 troubleg0ms
time Of it, struggling and stumbling
along in the dark and soon some person
slipped and fell, and then the next per
son behind stumbled over him and fell,
and so did the rest, one after the other;
and then Bowers came with the key Of
! powder in his arms, while the command
were all mixed together, arms and legs,
on the muddy slope, and he fell, Of
course, with the keg, and this started
4 the whole detachment down the hill
in a body, and they landed in the brook
at the bottom in a pile, and each that
was undermost pulling the hair and
scratching and biting those that we're on
top of him; and those that were being
scratched and bitten scratching and Bit
ing the rest in their turn. and all saying
they would die before they would ever
go to war again if they ever got out Of
this brook this time, and the invader
might rot for all they cared, and tn
country along with him-and all sncK
talk as that, which was dismal to hear
and take part in, in smothered, low
voices, and such agrisly dark place and
50 wet, and the enemy may be coming
any moment.
The keg Of powder was lost, and the
guns, too: % the growing and com
planning continued straight along while
the brigade paved around the pasty hill
side and stopped around in the brook
hunting for these things; consequently
We lost considerable time at this, and
then we heard sound, and held our
breath and listened, and it seemed to be
the enemy coming, though it could have
been COW, for it had cough like
COW; but we did not wait. but left a
couple Of guns behind and struck out
for Mason's again as briskly as we could
scramble along in the dark. But
we got lost presently among the rugged
little ravines, and wasted deal of time
finding the way again, so it was after
when we reached NIason's stile at last;
and then before we could open our
mouths to give the countersign, several
dogs came bounding over the fence, with
great riot and noise, and each of them
took a soldier by the slack of his trous-
ers and began to back away with him.
We could not shoot the dogs without
endangering the persons they were at-
tached to; 50 we had to look on, help
less, at what was perhaps the most NOR
tifying spectacle Of the civil war. There
was light enough, and to spare. for the
Rasons had now run out on the porch
with candles in their hands. The old
man and his son came ana undid the
dogs without difficulty, all but Bowers
but they couldn't undo his doz, they
didn't know his combination; he was on
the bull kind, and seemed to Be SET with
Yale time-lock; but they got him loose
at last with some scalding water, of
which Bowers cot his share and returned
thanks. Peterson Dunlap afterward
y made up fine name for this engagement,
and also for the night march which pre-
ceded it, but both have long ago faded
out Of my memory.
1t now turns out that the flute was in
vented by Lydians about l, 200 years b.
This is too long to hold resentment and
we shall accordingly draw tho slugs