Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1885-05-07
WIT AND HUNIOR-

kingl
Ella Wheeler Wilcox talks of going
TO sleep ''draped in a soft luxurious
gloon" Try blankets. ..
The Duke Of Argyle has computed
that the world will not be destroyed in
100000 years. This is very encour-
aging to the Bartholdi Pedestal fund
committee.-Hotei Mail.
The pool lines have advanced
their rates for carrying dressed hogs.
The selfish traveller who occupies four
seats will give grunt of dissatisfaction
when he hears this.-N Y. Journal.
Over one hundred pins and needles
are said to have been taken from the
back and arms of a woman living at
Sardinia, New York. She is evidently
not woman to be ruthlessly "sat
down upon"
An innocent queStion.-Lillie, on be-
ing told that she had got little sister,
clapped her hands and exclaimed:
'.How delightful!' Then turning to the
bearer of the good news she added:
''Does ma know it?'
A man in Tallahassee, Fla, in dig
ging well the other day, struck deep
layer of oyster shells. He is making
arrangements, it is reported, to bore
down deeper, hoping he may strike a
strong flow of oyster soup.
A young country gallant kissed a
pretty girl one cold day last week, and
then ayerted her wrath by asking her
if it wasn't a perfectly proper rural
custom to kiss the girl who gets the
red car.-Burlington Free Press.
"Ah, George, did you propose to
Vivian?" "No, she made the proposal
before Ihad chance to say anything"
"She did? What did she sayP"
.She proposed that l leave the house
Immediately and l accepted. ."-BoSton
Post.
A Massachusetts, woman sold her
wash-tub to party of riflemen for a
target. They paid her S1.50 for it, and
after they had gone home, she went
out in the field and brought it home as
good as it ever was. as.-Burlington Free
Press.
Patent-medicine dealers are using so
many tricks now to have their adver-
tisements read that man never begins
an item-not even sermon-without
first looking at the bottom to see if the
words "For sale by all druggists" are
there.
What is the difference between a
stock exchange and q bucket shopf
faIl hn
made money on the stock exchange.
When he loses, he remarks, i was rob-
bed in bucket shop That's the diff
ferencer'
Such large portions are given at
European-plan hotels that people din
ing are provided with baskets to carry
away what they cannot eat to charita-
BILE institutions. Some of the beef
steaks are a yard wide and all BONE
Hotel Mail.
A country merchant in Wood county,
Ohio, set spring gun in his store
every night for thirteen years without
being rewarded, but the other night it
blazed away and brought down two
robbers. Patience will get there in the
end.-DetroH Free Press.
A French missionary priest had re-
turned home on furlough, and his
friends were making many inquiries.
''Those savages, now, that you live
among" said one, ''are they really
cannibals?" ''They! why, they even
eat men on Friday.-Le Figaro.
A young dude of Washington county,
but now of Hillsville, is paying his re-
spects to the school marin of Conner's
school. The citizens would like much
if the young gent would make his calls
ON Saturday evening and let the school
marin have her rest through the week
and give the children chance.
"Now, come straight home after the
banquet is over, DEAR said a young
wife as her husband started out one
evening to a ''stag" dinner. 'I'll be
sure to come straight home, my love,
but it depends entirely on the potency
of the liquid refreshments whether l
come home straight or not" was his
dubious reply.
We pity the man who has no boy
hood; who never "busted' crackers,
blew up cats, fought roosters, shot off
rockets, fought with Roman candles
and played with fire balls. We are sor-
ry also for the community he lives in.
The time must come. when that man
will try to be boy, and the town won't
hold him.-Macon Telegraph.
There never was better example of
the concise form of expression common
to real Western Americans than the
answer of the man of the Sierras, who,
when asked about the character of a
neighbor replied, Mister, don't
know very much about him; but my
impression is that he'd make a first
class stranger. Bloomington Eye.
A man went fishing in the Minnesota
river recently, and hooked large wall
eyed pike. He began to play with him
when the fish, running under the boat,
capsized it, got in himself, and putting
on the mans overcoat, started for New
Orleans. This shows the danger of
fishing in State where the whisky is
stronger than the veracity Of the inhab-
itants. Burlington Free Press.
"Yours is hard Hfe," Said a COM
miserating Philanthropist to hand-or-
gan man. "Eet ees," replied the
musician, sadly. "Obliged to be out in
the cold all day." continued the phil
anthropist. '.Datees not de worst of
eet," was the rejoinder. ''Nop" mo,
de miseree ees dat I'm obliged to listen
to the music Of my own instrument. "
The philanthropist was SO overcome by