Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-03-13

THEY tell us thst money is inactive; but 1t
seems to be active enough to slip through
ones fingers as nimbl! as it ever did.-Bost0R
Transcript.
a PAPER has been started in Memphis bear
ing the primitive title OF 4 dam. or course III
is Issued in the Evening, and it is also Adam
poor newspaper.-NeaO York World.
.sWHERE's Jones?" "Dead." "Dead? well.
l declare! Paid the debt of nature, hey?"
''No; compromised at less than 80 per cent"
GLOW s0?" "Iie left his better half behind
him. '-Eechdngs.
Now that Charles Egbert Cradiock, the
author and magazine writer, has turned out
TO be woman, what assurance have we that
the person who wrote so many letters during
the recent campaign and signed tbem Nv III
lam Walter Phelps is not some old maldg
New that we think OF it, there was nothing
very manly about those letters Chicdg0
NelcS.
"JoHSNY. put that umbrella away before
you break it,"
"Oh, shut upg replied Johnny.
whats that yOu say"
''Nothing. papa; | only told the umbrella to
shut up SO | could put it away, as you told me
The explanation came not second to soon,
for the old man had already arisen from his
charlottesville Breeze.
LIFE must be very pleasant on the Congo.
Instead of man having to rush home at p.
m. to give his wife four hours time to pre-
pare for the opera, and then wait another
half hour on the front steps until the 200 and
odd forgotten things are found and arranged,
the Congo husband strolls home few minutes
before the performance begins ana Simply
says: "Sarah, adjust your hairpin. We Will
go to the opera. - PittsJuT0 Chr0Ricle- Tele-
graph.
ALWAYS THE way
One night the fastest horse in town
Was stolen from his stall.
Next day coed citizens did frOwn;
They swOre that they would maui
The wretch who stole that noble hOTse
They thirstcd for his gore;
So then they gathered in great force
And locked the stable door.
Louisville Courier Journal
A CERTAIN prim little miss of my acquain-
lance, who has seen six springs, has just be-
gan to go TO school. To get her ready in the
morning nccessitatcs an early rising-on these
winter days. by sunrise.
Last Wednesday, her third day Of school,
she arose sleepily. at her fathers repeated
call and said. with drOWsy sOlemnity:
Mamma, when | get over the novelty of
this thing wonder whether III be in such
hurry every morning. San Francisco Ing}e-
side.
BRIDE-"Oh. yes: / am very happy, but /
can't help feeling a little blue TODAY, though
| know it il 4 Olish; but we had breakfast late
this morning and my husband was so hurried
that he forgot to kiss me-" Experienced ma
tron-"Dear me! | hope you have not made
the awful bundeF of having your husband
Kiss you before he goes of in the morning."
"Blunder! Why, what can you mean? Of
course he kisses me before leaving" TITS
the greatest mistake OF matrimOny; the fun
damental error which has wrecked thou
sands" "Oh! goodness me! Why, what
harm can there be in in itF' EVERY harm.
Nothing knocks romance quicker than kisses
favored with buckwheat cake! and cOffec,'-
Phu0delphiG CdU.
THE COACHMAN'S DAY HAS GONE By
The maid was young, the maid was fair,
And many lovers sought her;
Her father was a millionaire
And she an only daughter.
No sutton that the maiden met
To dream of love had taught her,
Until in Cupid's silken ne:
Her fathers cOachman caught her.
Then anxiously she passed the daye,
Elopement contemplating,
Until she caught the skating craze,
And took to roller skating.
She threw the cOachman over then
To him it was a Crusher-
And eloped one night at half past ten
And married a polo 'rusher,"