The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-01-17
A Husbands Trick.

'fYou see, Martha got in the habit of
sitting up for me at an early age, and
she can't break it off. couldn't per-
suade her to go to bed and mind her
own business, so l studied on the mat
ter. We live in one of the centre houses
of block of fve-story and attic build
ings. There are scuttles in the roofs of
all ofthem, and persuaded Mr.. Green
up, who lives in an adjoining house, to
let me in his house last night about I
O'Clock, and l went up through his
scuttle and over to mine, and SO down
from the head of the stairs, sitting in
the front room cycling the clock with a
look that was very tart chrome. But
| undressed and quietly got in bed, and
there Hay waiting developments. Every
now and then I'd hear Martha give
short, fdgety cough. Then I'd hear
her get up and prance around the room
little, and by and by 60 to the front
windows and slam the shutters.
"After l had lain there about an hour
| heard her get up and go stand out on
the front steps for good five 1inuteS.
Then she came in and slammed the
door and locked it commenced coming
up stairs. Every other step she'd say
"Oh, the wretch, won't give it to him
| know where he is | know where he
is He needn't think to deceive me
Oh, the villain u Bout the time she
had nearly got to the landing think
she must have seen the light streaming
out of the door that had left open.
| could hear her stop, and then l CON-
menced to snore. | was afraid 10 look,
you know, but | could feel her eau
tiously come up to the door and look
in. Well, sir, I'd have given my pen
sion from the war of 1916 to have seen
her about the time she saw it was me.
I'll bet it was fun. But was afraid to
do anything but snore. Then she came
into the room and, by the way, she
breathed and stood around, l had to
nearly bite my tongue off to keep a
straight face on me. l could feel that
she sat down in chair, and was dumb
founded. l never let son but kept on
snoring like thunder; but when she
kicked over chair | turned and pre-
tended to wake up, kind of dazed like,
and says:
"'Why, Martha, dear, ain'tyou come
to bed yet ? "
'Jarphly,' said she, awful slow and
solemn like, when did you come in p"
why, must be four or five hours
ago. Don't you remember when told
you not to go.to sleep again in the
rocker, but to come up to bedp p and l
turned over and sprofessed to go to sleep
again.
She never made any reply, but acted
in dazed, bewildered sort of way, and
when she got to bed l could tell she
didn't sleep wink for three hours.
'"This morning it was fun to watch
Martha. could hardly keep straight
face. At the breakfast table, and all
the time | was about the house, she'd
eye me when she thought WASH t look
ing; then, when I'd notice her, She
turn away and be awfully busy at some
thing. She caught me kind of grinning
once, and, by George, I thought the
explosion was about to come. But it
didn't, though the look of blank, un-
fathomable suspicion she wore on her
face all the time was the greatest show
on earth. 1t nearly broke me up, and
I've laughed till my ribs ached ever
since. l know it won't last. l know
there's a day of repenting coming,
and the thermometer is going up clear
out of sight in the Jarphly family. But
who's going after trouble? 1t will come
soon enough without hunting it and I'm
going to enjoy that scuttle in the roof
until the explosion comes.