davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
VOL. XXX----NO. 38.
VARIETIES.

-"Good gracious !" said the hen when she
discovered porcelain egg in her nest, 81 shall
be bricklayer next"
Sober passenger (angrily)-"Lool where
you step, man." Tpsy passenger (apologeti.
cally)-"Y-yes, do; the trouble is to-hic-
step where look"
ruptng where Goliath dares David to the
Fray "Oh, skip all that, ma; he's only blow
in | want to know who licked"
The misfortune of Professor X-Wife:
"You don't tell me that Prof. X. has been
struck dumb?" Husband: eyes, last night
And he was master of seven languages!"
| Wife-"Is it possible? And was he struck
dumb in all the seven?"
"A reminder-"Now, porter, you're quite
sure you've put all my luggage in the big
| portmantle and" Porter-"All right,
num-" Old lady-"And you're certain I've
not left anything behind" Porter-"No,
mum, not even copper
| -Phrenologist-"Y Your bump OF magma
| ton is abnormally large, sir You should
write poetry" Citizen-"1 do write poetry.
| Only yesterday l took poem to an editor,
and that bump you are feeling is where he
hit me- Don't bear on it SO hard"
My little boy" said gentleman, "you
| ought not to eat those green apples; they
| are not good for little boys" "They hain't
eh ?" the boy replied, with his mouth full
Guess you don't know much about 'em,
mister. Three of these apples'll keep me out
| of school for week"
Said an exasperated Texas father at the
dinner table "You children turn up your
noses at everything on the table, When I
was boy was glad to get enough dry bread
to eat" 81 say, pa, you're having much
better time of it now you are living with us,
amt you ?" remarked little Tommy.
Small Boy-"Say, nom, 1 know what
makes pops face so red He's q lobster"
"Mom"-"You disrespectful child. What do
turn red when they're put in hot water, and
| heard pop tell Mr.. Rummie that he had been
in hot water ever since he married you"
-"How is it, Mr.. Brown" said the mill
owner to the farmer, that when came to
measure those five barrels of apples l bought
from you found them nearly barrel short ?"
singular, very singular, for l put them up
in some of your own flour barrels" "Ahem!
Did, Ell? Well, perhaps l made a mistake.
Fine weather, isn't it! Let's imbibe"
YES" said an old man, visiting the
graveyard in his native town after long years
OF absence, and reading an inscription
Here lies Sam, Brownlow. l might have
known he was lying somewhere, for he never
told the truth that | can remember of in all
his life. But it's kinder mean throwing it up
to him that way after he's dead and gone and
can't hit back"
Gentleman Ito little boy)-"What are
you going to do with the puppy, little boy?
Little boy-"Im goin' to drown him"
Gentleman-"Ill give you dollar for him."
Little boy (after due consderation)-"N
guess not. You see, I'd have to give most
of the money to father and l wouldn't have
the fun of drowning the dog. Mop, guess
| won't sell him."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18

Go out just as soon after rain as the land
can be worked and with garden rake or
hoe stir one inch of the surface on a strip of
soil, leaving a strip adjoining with the crust
unbroken. Now let q week or ten days of
hot, dry weather ensue and then examine
the two plots. The first will be moist almost
to the surface, and the plants fresh and thrift
ty, the other plot will be baked dry and hard
and the plants suffering for moisture, and
the plant food in some inches of the surface
soil will be entirely unavailable to the plant
| am not disparaging manure when say that
the cheapest way to fertilize land for wheat
is to plough early and then stir the soil after
every rain SO as to keep it open to atmos-
pheric action. | think can safely say that
have seen ten bushelspe acre added to the
yield of a field by this means. l think the
Coming Farmer" will pulverize his soil more
and better than we now do.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
A Baby Funeral in Mexico.

One afternoon sat reading in my room
while the first shower of the month was fall
ing. The rainy season was several weeks
later this year. 1t was a goodly shower, and
the rivuets in the streets were soon convert
ed into turbid torrents. While the rain was
still pouring though very gently, | heard
music in the street. 1t was st. Johns day,
and | thought it part Of the celebration. |
stepped to the balcony and saw a band COM
ing followed by score or more of men with
lighted candles The band was playing a
lively march. Ahead, there ran little boy
with what looked like tawdry, painted
box cover. The men were nearly all of the
lower class, shabbly dressed. One of them
carried on his head an open coffin, contain.
ing what [ at first took for doll having
something to do with the ceremonial, 1t
was dressed in white muslin with some gilt
tinsel. But as they passed below saw it
was dead baby, with long eyelashes and
black eyes staring up to the skies. Meanwhile
the rain kept dropping pitessly on the sense.
less little form. Oh, | fancied since the form
was senseless, was the rain pitiless, or COM
passionate tears from heaven. The men
sheltered from the wind with one hand the
candles they were carrying. The procession
marched along, with the martial blare of the
music sounding gayly down the narrow
streets, seeming strangely inappropriate to
mark the entry of a little child into the king
dom of Observation-Disclosures Monthly.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
A Man With the Muscles of Hercules

Lexington (Va.,) Echo.
Perhaps the strongest man in the State is
Mr.. Bcussee, the blacksmith at Birchmore's
shop, Maxey's. He is about six feet ten
inches high, stands erect, and his muscles
prominent. He stands and with one hand
raises 100 pound anvil out straight for a
minute, and takes large cart wheel in one
hand by one spoke and holds it out horizon
tally at arms length. On hearing of his
wonderful muscular power we went over
last Monday to witness some of this modern
Samson's strength, and when we asked him
about it, "Yes," says he, II think am as
strong as any man in this country. can
take this anvil and throw it from here to that
wagon "a distance of about fifty yards)
use the hammer with my right hand, but l
believe l am stronger in my left. Here, feel
of this arm, and the muscles measure it if
you want to. When used to shoe horses
| never encountered one that l couldn't
manage. could hold them even if they
were wild. have never found man that
was as stout in the arms as am"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
gnetica1.
SUNDAY MORNING.

Sunday morn, what joy and rest
Brings thy glad dawn to my breast.
How the earthly works and ways
Seem TRANSPORTED to my gaze!
Is the sky a eeper blue,
Glow the flowers with colors new?
Do the birds sing sweeter lays
On this sacred day of days?
Lovely lies Gods smiling land
by sweet-scented zephyrs famed,
Green the carpet meath my tread,
Bright the azure dome DER head:
But though Natures gala dress
Thrills my soul with happiness,
Deeper joy it is to say:
Hail, all hail, the Lords own day!
As the dew from Hermon's hills
Der the thirsty flowers distills,
So Gods Word this day shall prove
Strength and blessing, peace and love.
AS the lark with rapturous lays,
Soaring sounds its Makers praise,
SO to Him our songs shall rise,
Who hath builded earth and skies.
Welcome, day of cares surcease,
Herald of the Prince of Peace,
Fountain mid the desert-strand,
Chimes from the souls fatherland,-
Afterglow of Paradise,
Lighting up these earthly skies,
Foretaste of the bliss in store
For Gods ransomed evermore!
Lord, to-day the sad soul cheer,
Draw the doubling spirit near,
Loose the captive's chains, bring home
Prodigals who from thee roam.
As these sweetly-solemn hours
Fit like morn's breath DER the flowers,
Let our hottest thoughts ascend
To the Sabbath without end.
Iron the German.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
Josh Billinsgate.

Most people are like an egg, too phull of
themselves to hold anything else.
Curiosity is the germ ov all enterprises
men dig for woodchucks more for curiosity
than they do for woodchucks.
Thare is lots ov pholks in this world who
kan keep nine ov the ten commandments
without emmy trouble at all, but the one that
is left they kant keep the small end ov.
Thare is numerous individuals in the land
who look upon what they hain't got az the
only think worth having.
One man ov genius to 81 thousand four
hundred and 40 men ov talent is just about
the right proporshun for actual Dizziness.
Thare is many slip between cup and
lip, but not half az menny az thare ought to
be.
Rather than not have ennything am will.
ing to be beat nine times out of 10.
The two most important words in emmy
language are the shortest, Yes and No."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
A Nice Little Story About Christine
Nilsson.

One OF the presents she priced most came
from her Majesty, the Queen, who heard
Madame Nilsson at Windsor, and with her
own hands put bracelet of rubies and da-
monds on her wrist, to which little story
| is attached. The fact is that Madame Nilsson
had been asked by some nuns who keep a
school for poor girls if she would be so ex-
tremely kind as to sing once to those little
ones, as it would make an impression on
them which they would never forget. Nine.
Nilsson, too happy to do so much good with
so little trouble, promised to come and fixed
u certain evening. But what should happen
but visitor, under the guise of Her Majesty's
bandmaster, called on Nine Nilsson-the
bearer of Her Majesty's order for Nine.
Nilsson to sing at the court concert at Buck
| ingham Palace. OF course you suppose that
she instantly sent to the nuns to express her
regret not to be able to sing to the children
that night on account of the court concert
Not she She told Her Majestys bandmas
| ter that she was very sorry not to be able to
| accept the Queens invitation for that even
ing, as she had an engagement which she
could not evade, and that at any future op-
portu.ity she would be happy to receive Her
| Maicsty's command, but that she could not
sing at court that evening. Not obey the
Queens command? Not sing at court
Why, every artist coming to London, desir-
ed, before all, the honor of being invited to
| court! What was he to do That was his
| concern Madame Nilsson said, she could
not break her word. Trembling returned
the messenger, revolving in his mind how
he would lay before Her Majesty the mes
| sage that Madame Nilsson had something
else to do. However, there was no mincing
matters; he had to say il. But what was his
astonishment when, instead of the royal
frown he expected, he heard the august lady
say, "Oh, l know. l have been told what
that engagement is, and right noble heart
she has Put Madame Nilsson down at once
for the next court concert, and ask her what
day she can give me the pleasure of singing
to me personally at Windsor" Fleet, like a
deer, to Madame Nilsson returned the royal
courier to take her orders, and thus Madame
Nilsson was invited to Windsor, and by royal
hands adorned with the bracelet above men
toned. - I6nple Bar, London
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
The Same old POstOffice.

The Buenos Ayres Herald after Victor Hugo.
Find on the map of South America the
Straits of Magellan; look at the mountain
hanging over imagine the point of rock that
leans the farthest out, and think of barrel
hung by heavy chain swinging there. That
is a postofice. No postmaster stays there
to deliver the mails, and no postman unlocks
it ; in fact, it has no key. Yet it is grand
old postofice. Ships coming along that way
stop, and their captains, take out packages
of letters that have been dropped therein, see
if they can find any that want to travel ther
way, and if so, take them on ; in their place
they leave a package which is to go in
another direction. Aud the barrel swings,
doing its duty day by day, without being
watched, sending joy to many hearts.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
The White House,


The house that Grover Cleveland lives
and works in covers nearly one-thrd of an
acre of land, and has cost, all told, 100000.
1t is modelled after a castle in Dublin, and the
architect, who was South Carolina man
named Hoban, got $500 for drawing the
plans.
When it was first built away back in the
nineties, it cost $300,000 but the British
burned out its inside, and its cost has since
added to that sum about $1,700,000 In it
all the Presidents since Washington have
lived, and each has added to its beauties and
its expense.
John Adams bought the first billiard table
which was used in it. But in John Adams
time it was only half furnished, and Abigail
Adams used to dry her clothes in the big East
room. Year by year, however, the furnish.
ing has gone on until now it is sort of a
museum of art and beauty.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
"Good evening Mr.. Valance" said she.

"Good evening, Mr. Valance" said she
$50" he thought. II wasn't mistaken
after all And the little blue-eyed seraph is
mortal enough to tell lie in spite of her an.
| gelic.appearance
But he looked serenely at Grace.
81 didn't know you were in trade" said
he
Didn't you !? Well" retorted Grace, 81 am
my Aunt Deborahs shop girl at present. l
| always come here in the evenings to help
| her, because" she added, with sweet shade
of seriousness coming over her face, "aunt
was old and poor, and she didn't quite know
| how to maintain herself in independence
| and unfortunately, my wages at the factory
are not enough for us both. So | advised
her to open this business, and she did, and
| she is doing well and she bakes the most
delicious bread and pies you ever ate, So"
with saucy twinkle under her cyelashes,
"if you know of any customers, will you
| please recommend our frm?"
ITO be sure | shall, he answered, in the
same spirit, land am very glad, Miss CraX-
all, to see that you are not ashamed of being
a working girl"
"Of course l am not" said Grace "Why
should l be?'
"But your cousin Medora is"
Grace gave little shrug of her shoulders
very nKely, Salu she. "Med0ra ana
differ in many things"
Mr.. Valance bought pound of caramels
and went away.
"She is u beauty" he said to himself. "And
she is sensible beauty into the bargain"
He must have been very well pleased with
his purchase, for he came again the next
evening, just in time to walk home with
Grace Craxall. And they talked over Aunt
Deborah's affairs, and concluded as flour was
low just then, it would be favorable oppor.
tunity for the old lady to lay in her winter
stock.
Only Il few weeks had elapsed when Me
dora May was electrified to learn that her
cousin was engaged.
"To some master baker or journeyman
confectioner, l suppose" she said contempt
uously.
mo" said Grace, with her eyes roguishly
sparkling "to Mr.. Herbert Valance"
"I-dont believe-it," said DIedora, grow
ing red, then pale
but it's really So" said Grace, land we
are to be married i'll three months. And
Aunt Debby is to come to the Haiti and live
with me as soon as she can dispose of her
business to advantage And, dear Medora, l
hope you will often come and visit me
there"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
A ReauiifuIWnman.

A woman with pleasant smile, clear skin,
bright eye, generous expression, elastic step,
hearty hand shake and courteous welcome.
Such woman is not the victim of debility,
languor or dyspepsia. She has overcome
these pests by using Browns Iron Bitters,
the worlds great tonic. Miss Matte Benson,
South Parsontield, Me-, says: after using
Browns Iron Bitters for weakness and lack
of appetite and energy, felt like another
person"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18

A CONCORD PHII.osoPHER.-Boots Ito
head waiterJ--"What kinder school disher
Concord school, any how What is flosyfer
and how does he make his Twin anyhow ?"
Head Waiter-"Why, flosyfer ar man
which-er-he ar pusson, you see, what
knows everything, and makes a lvin' tellin'
folks 3d."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
CHARLES $. RICHARDSON,

GENERAL COLLECTOR,
offers his services for the Collection of Accounts
business entrusted to KIM viii be- ng prompy and
faithfully attended to, IL sent by mail or left at
the Registers office, Bel Air. Address
CHARLES s. RICHARDSON,
12je% wilma, Hartford CO., Nd.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
The Egis & Intelligencer
is PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY BY
f. w B A K E r.
a Year, In Advance

TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS Square, 3
Insertions or less 81 so. Each subsequentinserton
20 cents Longer advertisements in the same pro-
portion. Aspace equal to six lines makesa square.
Figure-work double price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications will
be inserted at ten cents per line.l
w Yearly advertisements at special rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
GPECIAI

SPECIAL.
- desire to notify Canned Goods Packers that
am prepared to secure Cans, Cases, &C., at lowest
figures and inside of Association Prices and also
solicit orders or ConsiR of Canned Goods
Seeds, &C., to be placed to best advantage and in
interest OF employers. o., to patrons advantage
Address LOUIS GIEsE, ~ Chamber of Commerce,
| Baltimore, Md.
eH Take Elevator nearest Second st. Send
for Daily quotations for grain, sc. 3ap1y
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18

while the one he brings home is never long
er than this 10 q,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18
The Astonishing Elasticity OF BASS.

How strange it seems that when a man
goes fishing the bass that gets away from
him was fully this long,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-18

Good gracious !" said the hen, when she
discovered porcelain egg in her nest, 81 shall
be bricklayer next"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-03-14
JOE EMMETT IN COURT.
He Ascribes His Recent Debaueh to the Evil
influences of Cold Weather.

ALBANY, N. Y, March 13.--Joseph X. Emmett
played a leading rart, in the courtroom yester-
day morning. His spree, begun in West Vir-
ginia, ended last evening, when he assaulted his
son because he had heard report that the youth
had secretly married girl here In defending
himself the boy struck the actor, cutting his
face, and Mrs Emmett, in alarm, summoned the
police and kept her husband in the custody of
the authorities during the night. When called
by Judge Clute this morning to meet his family,
the left side of Emmet's face, from his forehead
down, was covered with CONCEALED blood His
attire was dirty, and his curly hair matted and
disOrdered AS he entered the door he saw his
wife and son sitting, with averted faces, in the
corner. Taking two steps, he sank dramatically
on his knees in front of them, and, clasping an
arm about each, exclaimed: "Oh my God! my
wife and son, what have I done to you both
whom Hove so wellf' Then he broke into a fit
of sobbing while his wife smoothed his hair and
the son took his hand, and each whispered words
of encouragement The actor called God to wit
ness that he would never act 80 again, and the
magistrate said that the decision lay with his
wife: If she was willing to trust him, there was
no objection After long conference and sol
emn promises on the part of Fritz that he would
refrain from drinking, the reconcied family
drove off to their home. An officer accompanied
them. Emmett says: at was the cold weather that
drove me on this jamboree." His son denies the
story that he has been secretly married.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-03-14
AN EXTRA SESSION OF THE SENATE.
It Costs Great Deal of Money, for Which

1t Costs Great Deal of Money, for Which
the Public Receives no Benefit.
Special to the Indianapolis Journal. -.
WAsHINGToN March 13.-"This extra session
of the Senate costs good many thousand dollars
a day." said Republican member Of that body
to your correspondent, to-day. ''and the only
thing it is sitting for is the accommodation of
the President. We are here simply to make
combinations and otherwise promote the politi-
cal ends of Mr. Cleveland
''But you do some business, !" said l.
"Oh Yes, we could pass resolution calling
upon Secretary for information, or get
up a junketing committee, or adopt al
eulogy, or conduct the funeral services
of senator. but that is about all.
Moreover, it is known that we will not do any
thing to help the people, because it is almost
impossible, and President is just as culpabe
for keeping Senate in executive session as
Governor for calling useless session of the Leg
islature.r
When do you expect to get awayF'
In week or two. We might just as we'll
have been dismissed on Saturday last. 1t is
folly to talk about these treaties There is
nothing else that can come mp, and these minor
combinations could be made just as well next
winter ms now"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-03-14
SENATOR JOHN SHERMAN.
Guesses as to His Reaso ns for Retiring from
the FINANCE COMMITTEES.

Guesses as to His Reas ons for Retiring from
the Finance COMMITTEES.
WASHINGTON, March BIN the absence Of
any authentic information, gossip is busy over
the rumored reasons for Senator Shermans dec
lination to serve upon the finance committee Of
the Senate. To an Associated Press reporter,
who asked Mr.. Sherman for his reasons. to-day,
he said:
IF have any apologies to make, l will make
them to my constituents
The report, two years ago. that Mr.. Sherman
wished to be restored to the Craftsmanship of the
finance committee, from which ne withdrew to
become Secretary of the Treasury is revived
and 1T is said that some personal i'll
feeling existed between himself and
Senator Morrill,, the present chairman
of the committee in consequence. Mr.
Morrill, was asked in regard to the matter to- day.
but replied that he had nothing to say, but added
that, so Tar as he knew, the relations between
Mr.. Sherman and himself were cordial. There
is said 70 be a feeling which is not entirely cor
dial between Mr.. Sherman and MIR. Aldrich and
rumor aludes indefinitely to demand or re-
quest, said to have been made by the former
that the latter should be removed from the
finance committee, in default of which he
Mr. Sherman would no longer serve
This cannot be traced to any authentic
source, but, on the other hand, none who
should know the facts are found to deny It, II
can be said that when the subject of Mr. Sher-
mans retirement was referred to in the caucus
the other day, the colloquy which ensued
between Mr. Sherman and Mr. Morrill, was
kindly in tone, each protesting sincere personal
esteem for the other. The only reason brought
forward for the retirement of Mr. Sherman was
his belief that the interests of his constituents
were not fairly considered in the action of the
committee upon the wool tariff Mr. Sherman
asked then to be relieved from further service,
but the caucns by formal vote, declined to re-
leve him. The misunderstanding between Mr..
Sherman and Mr.. Aldrch dates back, it is said.
to the action of the committee respecting the
tariff, and has been renewed and possibly in
creased by the controversy over refundng and
national bank measures, in respect TO which the
of procedure. 1t is likely that nothing further
will be heard of the matter until next session as
the committee will have nothing to do beyond
consideration of nominations during the present
session.