The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1885-01-21
WIT AND PLEAsANTKH.

Marriage promotes longevity among men.
Notwithstanding its tendency 10 produce
premature baldness,
A Boston minister says that the most
dangerous weapon a young man can carry is
a latch-Eey. II is also the hardest to learn
to handle expertly.
'I am speaking" said long-winded ora
tor, ''for the benefit Of pOsteri ty." YES"
said one Of his hearers, and if you keep on
much longer your audience will be here"
4 would be wit once said, speaking Of the
fair sex: "Ah, it's woman's mission to make
FOOLS of men" "And how vexed we ara,
said a bright-eyed Harlem lady. "to find
that nature has so often forestalled as"
A young lady on being asked, at musical
examination, What Is an interysl2" judi
ciously replied: sit is that space OF time al
lowed for refreshments between the acts of
an opera or the two parts OF g concert"
A society editor got himself in a very IN
pleasant predicament in mis- efforts to ex-
plain how plainly lady was dressed at q
reception, By saying that she wore no
iewelry and the balance of her toilet TO
match.
81 didn't see you at the party" said one
benedict to another. NO; was tending 4
wake" was tne answer OF the other, as be
thought how Re promenaded the bedroom
for four mortal hours with kid that re-
fused to be comforted.
At certain well-known hat shop in the
Bowery, near CIR and street. an Irishman APP
proached the counter, saving he wished to
purchase hat. "What size, sir2" asked the
assistant. "Begorra, oi don't know" said
the Hibernian. scratching his head, "but OF
take noinesin bOotsl"
A man telegraphed or Thanksgiving eve
20 friends in New England town: ''Can
not be down until Saturday; foreman
drunk" When he went down, he was as
tonished by the hilarious manner in which
his friends received him. 1t came out that
the telegram when received read: "Can not
come down before Thursday forenoon
drunk"
At one Of the watering places during the
season, an impatient young man walked
up TO the bathing house ii which he thought
his male companion was dressing and,
knocking on the same, testify inquired:
When in blazes are you going to get those
pants onF' There was q faint gurgle and
silVery voice replied when / get married,
suppose"
Jones entered his Office aud sat down at
lis desk IN a very pronounced and emphas-
icmanneT. What is the natter" inquired
bis partner. Something gone wrong"
Wrong" repeated the exssperated man.
walked the door with crying BABY from
midnight until O'clock in the morning,and
as left the house the first person met was
Smith, who said with an idiotic smirk: 'Ahl
old man, you look rather tough. Out with
the boys sagain last night2 Sons men
make NE SICK
81 am going to keep q diary; won't you
kindly tell me how TO begin itf'-Lily.
Well, to tell the honest nude truth, Lii, we
don't know much about this matter, but we
haveFseen several young ladies' diaries and
they all begin "Got up AT o'clock; played
the piano one hour; went into the Kitchen
and watched mother cleaning the stove;
went down to Mable's. Msbe is horrid; took
anap after dinner: am tired out; Claude
called in the evening; L so happy, o
dearPs
''Pray, my Lord" queried gentleman OF
a Judge, "Wbat is the differences between
common Law and equity?n Every little in
the end, ;" responded his Lordship: cat COM
mon law you are done for at once; in equity
you are not go easily disposed of. The
former is bullet which is instantaneOusly
and chsrmingly effective; the latter an ang-
ler's hook, which plays with the victim be-
fore it kills him. COmmOA law is prussc
acid; equity is laudanum." - Chambers
Journal.
They sat on opposite sides of the street
car, and he settled himself back for q long
stare at her. He begun at the feather in her
hat. and had got down as far as her throat
when she couh stand il no longer She
didI.'t ring the bell and leave the car in a
huff; neither lid she change her seat to
avoid his impudsnt gaze. She had already
paid her fare. but she felt for her purse,
took from it silver dollar, and extending
it to the fellow she s1eetly asked: "Will
You please pay my fsrsT "Aw-oh-cer-
tsinIy-with pleasure" b. replied. and he
showed the dollar to the driver. Driver
shock his hesd. Changer shouted the
nan. "Eo good-thst's a couaterfeitI' The
man turned red and green and blue and
crushed strsw berry. He inspected the dol
lar nd saw that the driver was right. After
q painful moment be slipped il into his vest
pocket, fished out dollar bill, and when the
change had been given him he handed the
lady ninet-five cents and retreated to the
back platf,rm to swear. 81 will send it to
some chsrty," whispered the lady to her
left hand teighbor. THE object was to get
rid of hislmpudent presence. 1t is al ex-
perimentthst never fails."-Detroit Free
Press.