The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-01-23
Perpetual motion-To adjourn.

Perpetual motlon-l ADJOURN.
4 girl at least may smile and smile and
be a-willin'.
Out West when they bury a man they
refer to him as going into the real estate
business permanently.
Now your talk has the true ring"
said the girl to her lover when began 10
speak of a diamond circlet.
NO" remarked Fogg at the skating
rink, ''the music is not the best | ever
heard, but it serves admirably to drown
the groans of the unfortunate"
A note from the Capital: The Bureau of
Information is overrun by members of
Congress who desires to know in what
part of Africa Nicaragua is situated.
A South Main street woman was told tt
other day that a neighbor had ''shuffed off
this mortal COLL" She said she was very
sorry and hoped it wouldn't prove to be
anything permanent.
MA, this paper says says there are $3.50
bands of mercy in this country, What is a
band of mercy?" San association for
charitable purposes, child" "Oh! |
thought it meant a brass band that didn't
practice evenings"
ssWife, I wish you could make pies that
would taste as good as my mothers used
to- 'sWell, my dear, you run out and
bring in a pailful of water and a hodful of
coal and an armful of wood, just as you
used for your mother, and maybe you viii
like my pies as we'll" He concluded the
pies would do just as they We're.
See that skeleton of a woman Juggling
two pals of water up that hill to the house.
while at a cost of $50 an aqueduct would
bring water into every building. That man
has s.. 0 0 at interest, and three wives of
blessed memory in yonder graveyard. The
fourth will soon be beside them, after
which there will be an eager contest for
the dead woman's harness.-Er
Mark Twain appeared before a large
Buffalo audience the other evening. He
said that he missed many faces that lie
knew well fourteen or fifteen years age.
'sThey nave gone" he added, sadly
..gone to the tomb, to the gallows, or to
the White House. All of us must go to
one or other of these destinations, and it
behooves us to be wise and prepare for all.
A little, bright four years old girl of
Camden. a short time ago, after returning
from church on communion day remarked,
s.When she got to be a big girl, she was
going to church and get some cider and
wedding cake too; The same girl after
listening attentiyely to remarks previous
to a baptism. in Cedarville church, asked,
mamma is he going to do all of rs that
way?"
One of the Japanese students, while out
for a stroll. was accosted by a sophomore
with the inquiry, whats your Names
The gentleman from Japan answered po-
litely. giving his surname. ''0', r~ejoined
the questioner. s'you heather don't have
but n name.I see.'' what was the first
name of Moses?'' was the reply.-Haruard
Lampooa.
A Methodist minister tried hard to start
a church in a Western town, but from lack
of support had to give up the project
This was the peroration of his farwell ser
mon: AT the last day the Lord vii
say to st. Peter, Where is your focke
and st. Peter will answer, Here. Lord;
; He will say to Calvin, And where ar
your sheep ? and Calvin will reply, Her
! Lord and so all of the shepherds can an
swer. But when he asks me, Where ar
your Sheep how will you feel when | an
; compelled to reply, Lord ! haven't any
!. mine were all hogs "-School Journal