West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
Underwear, Hartley q Wright.
TERRA ALTA

I' NNI 'N0 '' - 10 ~
get a school on the stroagth OLA No. lou r
certificate. And right hero / wish to say
that l do not approve OF the work OF tho
Board OF Examiners. An old and tx
periencod teacher like myself-ono who
has welded tho birch" for sixteen years
should havo "A number two or three at
least.
DIR. Williams, OF tho firm OF w. IL.
Chase & Co., has purchased w. Henry
Glovor's property and moved into It.,
Thore il talk OF building a now Baptis,
church here.
Chas. w. Jackson's machinery hall,
which was demolished by the recent
storm, is being rebuilt.
Ford Browning was out at GAINESVILLE
last Sunday, taxing in the meeting end
also taking in" some Feahos. Ford is
paying $40 per lib for feathers at present.
Buckwheat -four is selling at 2! cents
per 10 hero.
a farmer from Oak Grove was in town
this morning. ''How do you liNo tho
way the Oak Grove correspondent went
for you last week ?" said he. "Well,
Mr.. 1 replied, ~ am like
the boy that was kicked by the donkey,
| consider tho source from whence it
comes" lilo then remarked that no
thought wo were going to haYo rain.
One OF tbe best looking young ladies' in
town told mo last Sunday that .sho
! thought JOHNNY koA was tie handsomest
bachelor in Terra Alta.
Yo Editor must excuse US for not get
ting i'm more local news this week, for
haying been ont of town nearly all week,
we did no.. catch many items,
We hBYo been maliciously assailed by
the Oak Grove ~orangontany until "for>
bearanco has ceisod to DO u virtue"
ll"nce becomes oar imperative duty TO
arise, put on pair OF steel knuckles, strap
a two-edged sword To- our side, put a
package ofdvnamite in our pocket, $50
that If tho apo strikes us again it will
blow him up put a rod-hot point on our
Spencerian pen and dip it in the most
c%olnbustable and powerful foolkilling
n!tro-glycorine and aim it point blank ut
this insidious pedant who wears a helInet
OF J1dSS to protect his Impenetrable case,
hardened check while lie writes rom his
native GROVE and hides his insnlont Wis,
ago behind different nom de plumcs.
Now, go. G. Correspondent" you cons
tentious blathorskito, I very much regret
that L have To- corrOde my pen by punct-
urlng such a subject as you. You are
the most contemplate plagiarist 1 evor
heard of. You have To- purloin the writ
ings OF other correspondence to get up
one of your poor, pitifu! letters. You
burn the midnight oil in looking over
files OF old papers i'm your vain attempts
to get a few vulgar and splenetic epithets
in your vani~Plorious and oslentatious
epistles.
Isn't 1t a wonder such IN acute fellow
as oscar Wilde has never penetrated
The earth says his wouldbe wiseacre,
and young man of superior ~ Intellect.
Then ho adds that it isn't a wonder either,
because 1t would be impossible for US to
penetrate tho Garth on account Of our
p%roEoscis. VOL, you poor half witted
ape, we will admit that we havea pretty
good sized nose, but We don't allow it to
poke itself into othor peoples business
like yours. You want US to call at Oak
GROVE aud sec how the monkey oats cab
bage. Wen como out at the first oppor-
tunity and sec you deYouT a head or two.
You would make a fine monkey Eor pub,
lie exhibition and we are under the i'm.
preston that p. r. Barnum would give
at least a nickel for you. You would
give a worldwide notoriety by engaging
yourself with the great Snowman. Yes,
80. g.. Correspondent" you're a smart
little boy but us only in your own ssti-
nation. Your important brain needs a
dose Of Goldfish and your empty Uranium
an application OF hot mustard d. Fish is
recommended by tho medical profession
~ "'t '"N''iNAN bAHth lFbNf blAk according
ID my diagnosis Of your case it would re-
quiro a whole whale IN develop your
intellectual faculties. Since / became
acquainted with you / am moro than over
"a believer tn tho Darwin Theory" viz
that some human beings arc descendants
Of tho ape. I will toll you candidly-
though ! wouldn't toll anyone olso-that
you are possessed Of good deal Of yor-
dancy. It's q pity, too, that such n bright
'croon) little follow rs you il not posscss~
OF o!au intellectual calibro OF sufficient
cimonNon8 o. carry a ball largo enough
20 reach the zenith Of your ambition.
Your most prominent characteristics are
concoit and vanity.
You Want to sottle tho dlnaoolty "'by
tho fist and skull process" do o ?
VOL, VOL what n brageart you arei IL
wore "a visit your place Tor That pur-
poso 7 would SEQ you croucbiuc behind
your mothers chair. Eogono, you ilI-
sloIiiag bipcd; goo TO tho outskirts Of
.is.l '.iou aud bury yoursaIfln tho dust
olelf".au. haven't any moro limo TO
fool viii you to-day, as I am going To-
Aurora w.u Jack Crane aud Do is wait,
iug for mo-.