The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-01-08
KILLED BY THE KAzoo.
why Music Dealer Decided to Sell NO
More "KazOos"-Ruins w rOught
by its Use.


by its Use.
"Say, mister, got any kazoos?"
breathlessly inquired a boy as he entered
Broad Street music store this morning.
The music man silently and sadly pro-
duced cylindrical piece of red painted
wood which the urchin eyed all over
carefully, placed what appeared to be
the mouthpiece in his mouth, inflated
his cheeks, emptied the wind into the
hole, and sound compared with which
the rasping of saw would be sweet
melody filled the store and caused the
proprietor's teeth to ache. A moment
later the boy was on the sidewalk ex-
hibiting his prize to three other boys,
who looked at their companion envious-
ly as he remarked, after causing the in
strument to emit sound that made the
lamp post rattle, ''Ain't she daisy!'
Watch those boys closely" said the
proprietor of the store, ''and if either of
them start in here lock the door. If
this thing is kept up the new asylum
will be too small to hold the kazoonat-
les. It's a new form of lunacy caused
by those little instruments of torture
which you see in that window.
Son last Monday a nice little boy
purchased one. His father is highly
respectable man, a church member,
and all that, who resides in Woodside.
On Wednesday he came in here per-
feet mental wreck. Talked aWfully
said that I had ruined everything,
broken up his home, wrecked the family
fireside circle, and carried on so that /
thought should have to send for the
police ambulance.
''From neighbor learned that the
boy had done it all. He went out into
the yard first and practiced In ten
minutesrthe watch dog, which the neigh
Dor said had a voice Of wonderful power
and elasticity at night, was dead. He
split his throat in vain endeavor to
equal the notes of the kazoo. As the
boy kept on practicing and struck new
| discords, the boards which composed
the back fence began to warp and finally
curled up in agony, while the heads of
| the ten-penny nails ached. The boy,
] after getting well UP in running the
| scales, entered the house, and the minds
of the family were wrecked. The man
mas sued for damages, and says if he is
expelled from church it will be my
fault"
As the man concluded he mournfully
handed one of the red pieces of wood to
the NeaOS reporter for examination. 1t
was about four inches long, with three
holes on top, and piece of tin also per-
| forated.
1.-THE name was not selected on ac-
count of its beauty nor because the in
ventor had any idea that it would prove
an incentive to purchasers" said the
music man. cit was chosen because
the peculiar character of the noise which
it produces requires a startling rather
than beautiful name. Indeed, the
peculiar characteristic of the music is
so much more startling than anything
else that it would seem a libel to call
the instrument anything like a rational
name.
Zone of the strongest features of the
instrument, next to its music, is the fact
that it has an affinity for the boy. 1t is
q small or large boy. 1t then emits a
noise which, as you will agree, would
make foghorn blush and cause cal
Hope to bust with envy. The kazoo
and the small boy are amendable to
each other by adding, do you see, and
the noise is the result. If the amend
ment goes into effect the music is likely
to produce a second amendment, offered
by the boys father, and which insist;
on striking out the instrument origi
nally amended to the boy.
'"The greatest possibilities in the way
of sound lie not in the kazoo but in the
boy, and the number of boys who vii
use it. No one who has heard his neigh
boris children practicing on the instru
ment for hours, patiently and heroicall.
endeavoring to master the variations
will ever argue that the kazoo alone il
capable of expressing the multiplicity o
volume of disorganized and diseordan
notes which makes the night-howlinl
|, dog long for solitude and silence. "
NeWGrt Nes0s.