St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-06
Would wealthy be,
With hard an honest toll,
With hard an honest toll.

The roar of applause that burst forth
when Bill uttered the last note of his song
must have bewildered him, for he went over
to his corner and splitting on top of Cross
eyed Sans head, sat down on an old
battered cuspidore that had been left in the
room. Crosseyed Sam arose on a question
of privilege but yell Of ''Orderi" accom-
panied by dull sickenng thud of the axe
handle on the ribs of the barrel, sent him
back to his seat on the floor, with an ex-
preston on his lips that strongly resembled
''damnr'
1.-The next thing on the program" said
the president, sis talk by Footsore Gabe.
Will that gentleman please take the floor
Footsore Gabe had the air of a gentle
man about him as he walked to the front
and faced the audience He had been well
educated. but his abilities as hnancler
were weak, and his inordinate disposition
to shift from one place to another had
always kept him down. He possessed
wonderful faculty for talking and knew
how to make himself interesting.
Gentlemen" said he, Il ran for sheriff
once. l speak of this as being more re-
markable. for prior to that time the clrcun-
stances had been vice-versa. The sheriff
had run for me- 1t was in the year OF 1878;
| was resident of Chawed Dog county,
Montana. and being urged by my friends 10
a. ceot the candidacy. finally submitted to
Il cir entreaties more for the purpose OF
tindIng out who really was than anything
else. | had inadvertently mlSlaId my gen.
ealogy somewhere and knew by running
for the sheriffaity, where the opposition was
large, I should find ont my en-
tire record from the time that l
formed an alliance with small shipments OF
sugar done up in cotton cloth, till l came
West and learned to eat pie with knife
and wipe my nose with napkin.
The result was as had anticipated. The
velocity and numcr0usness with which my
past life came to the surface, however.
somewhat surprised me. | found to my
establishment that my parents were black,
and | being white when | was born, filled
my fathers heart with job lot of horrible
suspicious and ne committed suicide by eat
ing two consecutive cans of Boston baked
beans and left my mother with nothing but
a forty-inch wash tub and a half-pound bar
of soap with which to support herself and
child. 1t seems that had been born with
out legs. but through strange freak OF
nature. when l was about Is months old.
couple of these useful instruments OF locomo-
ton commenced to grow on me. and by the
time that had reached my twenty-hrst
birthday had pair of well-developed legs
and enjoyed perfect control of them, as was
testified to by several gross of creditors.
whose affidavits had been procured and
bound in calf for use in the campaign. |
learned that when | was IS years old | had
caused my mothers death by allowing
large cat of the male persuasion to feed on
her breath when she was asleep. and l had
displayed an abnormal development of gall
and hard finish by pawning her wash tub
and purchasing a red necktie to wear at her
funeral. My education was limited. at
tended reform school three days, when |
graduated through a hole l managed to dig
under the stone wall that surrounded the
grounds and went to the Fiji islands,