Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-11-18
NEWSPAPER WIT.

THE price Of vinegar is said to be
rapidly declining. Probably on &C
count OF the sharp competition IN the
business.-Puck. There must be some
mother reason.-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
JACK at dinner) -Aren you drink
ing rather more wine than is good for
you, Chappie, old boy? Chappie-
Yesh, p'raps | am; but Pm tryin' t.
pluck up huff moral courage t. leave
wizzout (hic) feein' tn waiter. It's
pernishus custom, got t. be stopped
New York Sun.
THE Indian is proverbially reticent.
It was not until we saw the following
exhibition of Cherokee words that we
understood why the noble red man
was so averse to conversation: "Win-
Observation-Disclosures" No won
der the aborigine is a man OF few
words !-Boston Transcript.
FARMERS WIFE Ito husband, just
returned from the county fairy Was
the fair q success, John? Husband
Ye kin bet it was, over two thousand
exhibits. Wife-You don't tell me!
Husband-Yes, stree, over two thou
sand an fifteen hundred OF EN- was IN
punkins alone. / never see SIGH q
sight.-The Sun.
1T is said to be Japanese etiquette
for a gentleman caller never to leave
the house of a lady friend until she
gives him the signal for departure.
There are a great many young men IN
this country who appear to await the
Ia D, HI, +/lr y
country it is not exactly etiquette to
do so.-L0weH Citizen.
A RoBBER met a coal-dealer on a
lonely road and stopped him. 'Your
money or your life, " said the robber.
ssWho are your" asked the coal-deal-
er. 'I'm a highwayman," replied the
man. "Good enough" continued the
coal dealer, "I'm a low-weighman.
Shake. We should be friends" And
so they were.-Merchant Traveller.
BERTIE-Mr. Bagley, are you a gar
dener? Bagley-Oh, no, BERTHE, | am a
gentleman. Idon't have anything to do
with such things as gardens. Why do
you ask, child? Bertie-Well, sister
Louise was telling papa last night that
she had won dozen pairs OF gloves
from you on a bet, and papa said
what you didn't know about hedging
wasn't worth knowing.-Exchange.
FATHER tout of patience)-If you
ask any more foolish questions, Bob
by, shall send you to bed. Bobby
latter long silence)-Pa when a man
dies worth ten thousand dollars his
heirs get the money, don't they
Father-Yes. Bobby latter another
long silence) We'll, pa, when trottin'
horse dies worth ten thousand dollars,
who gets his money? Father an
grily)-You get to bed.
Miss CLARA-Can you call the names
of the different stars and constella-
tions, Mr. Featherly? Featherly-Oh,
yes. There is the north star and the
evening star and the Great Bear and
the Little Dipper and the Milky Way,
and all the rest. Oh yes. Miss Clara
The Great Bear is called Ursa Major,
is it not? Featherly-Oh, you mean
do know their botanical names? Pm
ashamed to confess I do not.-New
York Times
CITIZEN Ito country editor GA
pleasant little affair occurred last
night at my house, which terminated
in the marriage of my daughter.
Would you like the particulars ?''
Country Editor-"Well-er, might
make a short mention of the matter,
but we are badly cramped for space. I"
A little later. Another citiZen-"My
wife ran away last night with another
man. Do you want the particulars %
Country Editor eagerly Eyes, yes:
give me the whole business. THE
Sun.
GROCER Ito new boy You must tell
people that we are very busy, James,
whether we are or not. They like to
buy Of a firm that they think does a
large trade. New Roy-All right, sir.
Grocer Ia little later Didn't old Mrs.
Benson want anything, James? New
Boy-Yes, sir; she wanted a couple O.
mackerel an ten pounds O brown
sugar, an [ told her we was so busy
we didn't know which way to turn, an
so she said she was IN hurry, an
she'd get 'em round the corner.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
A PLEASANT story is told OF the
Crown Prince. While making his an
nual tour Of inspection through the
garrisons in Baden he arrived, IN the
strictest incognito, during a torrent of
rain, in front of the hostelry of small
place called Wolfach, near Offenheim.
The youngest hotel boy was sent out
to his carriage with an umbrella, but
in vain the youngster strove to reach
the head Of the giant prince, who, not
wishing to leave the stripping to the
inclemencY OF the weather. took bOy
and umbrella upon his arm and coolly
walked into the hotel Chicago Trib-
une.
MERCHANT ITO clerk -"Here, have
inst written out the following letter:
Dear Sir-As respects the amount
for which | am indebted to you,
I beg to state that l intend to
pay you in full very shortly, as you
are my principal creditor, and the
rest Of my liabilities are hardly