Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-01
MARRIED WITHOUT MONEY.
A Case Wherein the Justice Did Not
Kiss the Bride.
Bill Nye

| Kiss the Bride.
Bill Nye
There are a good many singular m
cidents connected with the admins
trotion of matrimony, especially as
dealt out by justice of the peace in
a young territory. During eight
yeals in my official capacity as gen
eral agent for substantial justice and
durable wedlock, I was called upon
great many times to ladle out my
blessings at SO much per bless under
very particular circumstances. I've
done noble work as couplist and
| splitlst. Looking back over those
eight years it seems almost like a
dream. Wherever ! was called to go
[ cheerfully put on my overcoat and
went.
| | married people in the light and
the dark of the moon, in the office
and at home, on horseback and afoot,
young and old, tender and tough.
married them all. I was never in
quisitive beyond what the statute re-
quired, and I never had anyone come
back to me or complain. I always
seemed to give satisfaction.
The ceremony wasn't very imposiEg
though. / used to think sometimes
that the groom was imposing-on the
bride. CThis is a little epigram. I
have quite a number oS this style
which [ am keeping for the holi-
days.
/ Wenever had much of the orange
blossom and swallow-tail coat bust
ness in my study. I generally in
vired the couple to sit down on the
wood-box till [ got through with the
simple DRINKS, and then we would
call 10 the marshal and the janitor as
witnesses, ard proceed.
[ remember one day a gentleman
named Chilblain Henry came N from
the head of Chug Water, and brought
with him a, Mexican woman, COM
monty called Beautiful Snow Colora-
do Maduro. She was of a rich nut
brown color, with wealth of raven
hair. which she combed whenever the
sign was right, but it hadn't been
right for a good while. She was
dressed plainly, but neatly, in an old
lap-robe, caught back with safety
pins, and held in place by means of a
broad horse hair cinch, which had
been heirloom In the family. She
was about 48 years old, and [ asked
her In a bantering if she had her
parents consent. She did not under
stand me, as she only knew little
broken cigar-box English.
Thinking perhaps she might be
more familiar with the early history
of her race. I asked her if she re-
membered Pizaro; but she only
laughed and displayed her lettering
ruin of mother
| believe she was the. most sorrowful-
looking hulk I ever saw. She was
rather thin in flesh, and her nose look
ed like the breast-bone of sandhill
crane.
Her union with Chilblain Henry
did not seem to saturate her with a
great wild JOY. She stood there
through the imposing ceremony with
her cute lettle Mexican feet just peep
ing from under the heavy drapery of
her lap-robe, and mechanically an
swered the legal question pronounced
to her IN a rich, deep, and resonant
tone of voice. Somehow [ could not
help wondering if she did not love
another Perhaps she had given her
young heart to some neighboring
greaser and smiled on him, perhaps,
and it had thrown him into convu1-
sions, from which he had never re-
covered.
When [ got through Chilblain
Henry saluted his bride. I heard be-
fore that he was very brave man.
man. Then he cordially invited me
to ditto. told him it might occasion
talk. He said he didn't want any
foolishness or funny business. He al
lowed that a magistrate had the right
to salute the bride. and it looked kind
of outre to waive it. He would not
pay me, he said, unless kissed the
bride.
"Never mind the pay, Henry" I
said, between old friends it don't
matter Hand it in any time. Idon't
care if you never pay it, but to tell
you the truth, Henry, I'm afraid to
kiss Colorado Maduro. am a man
of strong impulses, and do not dare
| to salute her. When [ caught her in
my arms [ might forget my own home
ties and kidnap your fair young bride
and dash away with her to the moum
bdluS. hhOW hIy ONh 1CO41hSS,
Henry, better than you do. It
wouldn't be right, and it would GER
tainly make talk. However, if you
insist, will give my proxy to friend
of mine who is totally blind and
who is accustomed to all kinds of hor-
rors.
he went away with his wife. intend
ing to come back and kill nae, he said |
bat after I had stayed ia the Office be
hind the freproof safe for two days. |
with the doors locked, some friends
came and told me Henry had done
the whole thing GA bet that he would |
get married and that / wouldn't |
charge him cent.
Burchard is the name of new
town in Nebraska It is not expected |
II i u IL scaff Ia J