St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-03-01
Tie Butter Display Which Took First
Premium at New Orleans Ex-
hibited in St Paul.
The Army Transportation COntracts-Import-
ant Water Board Meeting-Results
of Temperance.
ADynamite Fiend Invades the "Globe" Office
Two Bad Assaults - Other Saturday
Sins.
st. PauI's Trade for the Week - The Hote
Mattern Trouble - An Editors
Woes.
What the Board of Control is Doing
A Board of Trade Meeting Sayings
of the Street.
JOURNALISTIC DYNAMITE.
AN Internal Machine Sent to a st. Paul Cit
Zen-DiSastrOus Results.

AN Internal Machine Sent to st. Paul Cit
Zen-DiSastr0us Results.
Some blood-drinking socialist sent to this
Office Yesterday an internal machine, and the
disastrous effects of its operations came neal
sending four innocent persons to an I'M
timely grave. The package had an innocent
enough appearance. 1t looked like com
mon newspaper done up in an ordinary two
cent wrapper. Even when this was removed
the deadly nature of the apparatus
was not at once apparent. 1t
still bore close resemblance
to newspaper bearing the title, ''Detroit
Times, Saturday, Feb. IA. 1885" The fact
even that it was printed i'll blue ink did not
arouse the suspicious of the man who opened
it. and ere he became aware of the danger
which impended he was overcome by the
insidious exhalations which emanated from
it and lay on the floor paralyzed His col
leagues gathered around and strove to assist
the sufferer, but one by one succumbed,
until proof-reader the elevator
boy and the artist who carves slabs of wood
Unto elegant portraits of Minnesota legislat-
ors were prone and comatose. Measures
(Which the public will be glad TO know bid
fair t. be successfully were taken to resusci-
tate the sufferers, the room was fumigated,
and the deadly thing placed in an alright
glass case, where its working could be OBJ
served without much danger. What there
was about it SO paralyzing in its effects
no one could explain. Perhaps
some extracts, which were copied from it
with great difficulty, may meet the eye Of
some who may, If they survive. account for
the shock they receive. The GLOBE unwll-
ingly inficts torture upon its readers, and
the only apology it makes is that perhaps it
may benefit humanity by provoking inquiry
into the cause Of all this trouble, and so may
be the means of the discovery of a remedy.
THE BARD OF THE BULL PEN
became a screaming maniac when his eyes
fell on this:
Judge Miner sat this morning in the stateliest
kind Of state while the dizzy clock gave warn
ing that the hour was growing late, and several
prisoners fingered quite anxious bout their fate.
The evidence was funny and the lobby laughed
with glee as they thought Of how much money
II would cost the mob TO the elephant and
rhinoceros when on janboree.
What paralyzed the bull and bear editor
was the column commencing thus:
OF barrels OF -four 12, 600 to-day were received
in New York the usual way. The aggregate
sales footed NJ 10000 and the bulls had what
they call good fat hand. Nineteen thousand
bushels Of wheat the sum total of the day )
receipts. Prices were dull and three-eighths
lower, while little was done upon the floor.
And then the
COUNCIL. PROCEEDINGS:
Chamberlain was not present and the presi-
dent pro TEN. wasn't there, and the council, after
voting. placed Goebel In the chair. The gayel in
the hands OF Goebcl struck the desk with
bang. 1.-THE council will come TO ORDER" the
chairman Of the council sang.
The scholar, whose gray matter Is spattered
over the fourth page of the GLOBE every
morning, howled in anguish when he read
the following from an alleged editorial:
IA this land owned by plunderng rings, or the
plutOcrats dubbed railway kings who pur-
chase legislators make our laws and mock them
that talk Of peoples cause;' who roll In
wealth, luxury and lust-gans of ~ he justice"
trampled in the dustg
For two long hours it seemed as though
nothing would assuage the pognancy of the
anguish OF the advertising solicitor when
his eye caught the following preface to a no
tice of Sumgum's liver remover:
It's seldom that man Is sick unless his in
ward organs kick at some abuse or oyer.strain
they have no; vigor to sustain.
But ENOUGH OF HORRORS.
Why harrow up the publcs breast! Why
lacerate the publIc's feeingsi
1t Ia soothing to know that the monster
who perpetrated the above and some twenty
four columns more like It has succumbed
The Detroit Times is no more, having been
abolished by an indignant populace. The
attention Of Anthony COmstock Is respect
fully called, however, to the fact that some
fieud in human form is prostituting the
United States mails by sending such mere
tricious matter thr ough them; and mean
while will some be neyolent physician please
send TO this office some specific remedy for
the Cataleptic cataclysm oecasioned by fool
ing with the above.