davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
Not in thc Noveltlce ElNhihitinn.

The machine that sewed the bloody shirt
The perfume Of tine offensive partisan.
The telescope to discover the "Duche5s."
y dynamite machine that will blow up
The oll,cc-scekcrs.
\ patent barber that can shave without
talking,
\ telephone that will prevent the cen
tral Office from breaking in.
An instantaneous photographing machine
that will catch
\ dudes walk,
4 politicians views,
An insurance agents check,
A topcr's smile,
A tishcrman'S catch,
\ tramp working - Phila. News.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

TIE New York SIN is ever progress
i've. 1t has banished the old familiar
"War Cloud from its headlines, and
now beats riotous revcille on the rcso-
mint "Mnr Drum. -
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

SOME sacrilegious thief entered Walt
Whitman's stable the other night and
stole the harness which, together with
a horse and phmton, were presented to
him few days ago by the literary peo-
pie of the country. This is too bad.
We cannot imagine anything worse
except for Mr.. Whitman to write
poem about it.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

HOtTHE GREAT FALLS AND CABIN
IL JOHN BRIDGE
The steam-packet EXCELSIOR will make
regular trips during the season TO the above
points every SUNDAY, TUESDAY and FRI
day, leaving her wharf; correr of High st. and
Canal, at 8 O'Clock a. IN. sharp. Fare for
round-trip soc. Boat can be chartered on al
teInate days. For information apply AZ ONCE
Georgetown. ie22'tf
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

\ silver seyen-cighths of an iuch long and
one eighth Of an inch in diameter was re-
Gently removed from the eye of George w.
Lowering at Bridgeport, Connecticut. 1t
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

7 HAVE MONEY TO LOAN ON GOOD REAL
i estate or collateral security at lowest rates
OF interest No delay when security Is good.
o. O. GREEN, Room 1, Plremen's building,
cor. 7th and La. ave ap14-u
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

TIE friends of General Robert
Toombs of Georgia are becoming seri-
ously alarmed by his present illness.
He has been sick for several weeks at
his residence in Washington County,
and there is considerable uncertainty
about his recovery. lie is seventy
three years of age.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
SPECIAL. NOTICES.

WITHIN THE REACH OF ALL.
SUCCESS by MERIT.
THE WASHINGTON BENEFICIAL ENDoW-
MENT ASSOCIATION.
Organized 1877.
Amount of Insurance Carried. .....S S)0);, 800.
WHAT WE HAVE DONE:
We have kept all promises.
We have paid all claims In full.
We have paid S3I0,000 to the families Of
ccrtihcatchOlders in their hour Of need
WHAT WE HAVE NOT DONE.
We have never made any humbug prom.
ises of cheap insurance.
We have never printed a list of merchants
and others who insure with us SO as to induce
Others to follow their lead but have depended
ON the merit of our plan and mode of business
for patronage.
Call at the Office for a circular Of rates.
II. b. DONALDSON, President.
ROBERT BALL, Vice-President.
NOBLE d. LARNER, Treasurer.
ISAAC /. JOHNSON, Attorney.
WM IL, GOODS,
THOMAS j. LUrTRELL.
THOMAS SOMERVILLE,
G. G. DUNCANSON,
WM. j. STEPHENSON.
LAWRENCE GARDNER, Secretary.
Office Of the AssoClatiOn-No OIL II ST. n. W.
Epo1
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
FOR SALE...HOUSES.

EoRsALE-
4 splendid thrce-stoIy and basement brick
dwelling ON Maryland ave, bet list and ID
sts II G, containing ~ rooms and every mod
A handsome two.story and cellar brick house,
containing O rooms and bathroom; CYery
modern conyenicnce large yard, etc; ON
north side of French street. bet 9th and 10th
ana X and sts; new..,..,.,,..,..,,,,@3 $4,000
A nice twostory press brick house with every
convenience, on st, bet 9Th and 35th II W;
new ,'''''.:''.'.' ,'','';''':;. ''''''.; SjOOO
That elegantly-fnished dwelling ON the W
corner of Sth and SITS W; just completed;
Containg 10 rooms and fine cellar; every
modern convenience; the only remaining
one Of the four, the Others were all sold be,
Tore completion, ,,,.','',,,, .'s,','s SS0OO
Also a long list of other desirable property,
improved and unimmoyed. Call or send for
list. ID. II. WARNER,
se99-3t 9iG II st, n. W.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
MONEY TOIOAN.

ds1OO TO $500 TO 0OO0, AND LARGER
dbIUU sums on real estate; lowest rates;
call now. WIN, f. HoLTZMAN, Attorney, 1921
i st. n. W. je23.lyr
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
EXCURSIONS.

CTEAMER w. w. CORCORAN
I1will continue Daily Excursions TO Marshall
Hall and Gymout until NOVEMBER /.
Boat leaves VERY MORNING at 10 Il, M,
returning at 1 p. m.
Fare 2TC for round trip.
SiNDAY-BOat will leave for Marshall Hall
at 10 a, IN. and p. m, returning at and
o'clock. Fare 25c. sei9tuol
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
GEO. A. ARMIES,

Real Estate Broker, Claim Agent
and Notary Public.
NO. 1887 + ST. n. W., WASHINGTON, D. G,
Opposite Ebbitt House,
For Sale-Property In every State and Ter
Iitory in the Union; also elegant residences
and valuable property at bargains; select
building sites overlooking the city,
II parties having property for sale or rent
viii leave list at ONCE the same special in
ducements will be given,
References Brig and Bvt. Maj. Gen. w. b.
Hazen Chief Signal Officer, u. 4. A.; Shella-
barger & Wilson, attorneys Wheatley BIOS,
lumber dealers, iy2i-lm
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

THERE is nothing 50 we'll calculated
to inspire a proper appreciation Of our
polluted" water supply as the pre-,
vailing scarcity of it.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

TIM GENEsrA crossed the line at
Sandy Hook lightship yesterday after
noon from her race with the Dmnte3s
TO Brcnton's Reef of Newport and re.
turn, distance Of three hundred miles.
She, of course, came in the winner,
the Dauntlcss not having been heard
FROM The weather during the race,
if it be really called race, was varin.
bic, there being at times light winds, at
times almost a gale, and again, heavy
breeze and foggy weather II is sup.
posed that the Dauntless gave up the
contest on account Of the storm. The
Puritan was yesterday bought at auc
tion by Mr. Burgess, her designer for
a gentleman in Boston, the price paid
being $4,000 These events prac,i-
Cally close the Yachting season.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
The Norwood Institute,
ruE coIuMB1AN UN1vrRsITY,

CPENCERIAN BUSINESS COLLEGE, COR.
- 9Th and j SITS II VA practical business
education that qualities young men and wO-
men TO support themselves and successfully
perform the active duties of life. Thorough
instruction given I'm rapid writing, the English
language, correspondence, rapid calculations,
bookkeeping, business practice, commercial
law. political economy, stenography and type
writing. Regular day and evening sessions re.
sumed Tuesday, September, /, at o a IN and o
m. Ofnco open for arrangements by the
year or quarter ON and after Monday. August
"a. A full corps of teachers. illustrated cir.
cular giving full information, sent free on ap.
pllcation.
Mrs. SARA SPENCER, Vice-Prlncpal.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

e~Te1 WASHINGTON, d. G., SEPT, o, 1885,
80 In obedience 10 a call by the requisite
number Of the stockholders of the National
that general meeting of the stockholders OF
said company win be held at No. 452 d st II W,
In said city, on Friday, the 2jth inst at
O'Clock p, m, 10 consider and take action
uiacture and Introduce into use the companys
machines, the adyisability of removing the
principal Office OF the company to New York
tee 10 act under the general direction of the
Board OF Directors by order Of stockholders.
H. G. HINE
selO-eodst President.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
HOUSES FOR RENT
STORES AND OFFICES

In sums to suit at per cent,
The above IL only small portion of prop.
Crty on my books. For full list call at on0e
for bulletins issued ON lst and 18th.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

THE "off year" in politics, from
present indications, is likely to leave
certain ambitious politicians very badly
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

EOR RENT--A COUNTRY RESIDENCE IN
II Virginia, precisely four miles from VIII
lald's; absolutely healthy; suitable for farmer
or dairy or person doing business in Washing
ton; house brick; II rooms, including brick
tenament house Of four rooms and CELLAR all
necessary out-bulldingS; all in perfect order;
tHrln 100 acres, In good condition; reasonable
terms TO good tenant, Applyat 1928 Corcoran
st. sc2}
DOR REMITTANCE DWELLING, COR
n ncr Dumbarton avenue and rhirticth
ST. next TO my residence, Modern improve
mcnts. A, Hyde. se2l-3tF
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

AFTER lapse of little more than
two years the Signal Onice has resumed
It's weather predictions for Washing
ton and vicinity. They are much more
difficult TO make than for the extensive
area known as Middle Atlantic States,
but the advantage TO the city more than
compcnsatcs for extra work performed,
We doubt not this mark Of enterprise
is fully appreciated.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

I AIDES COMPOUND PILLS OF TANSY"
n are perfectly safe and always etrectual.
Sealed particulars Do Wilcox Specific Medl-
cine Company Philadelphia, Pa.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

No DOUBT the ambitious statcsmcn,of
Dakota who would not mind represent.
ing thNt State in Congress whenever it
shall have become State will urge the
admission Of The Territory more ar.
dcntly this winter than ever before. If
party feeling on such questions goes
much further the Democrats will want
to make two or three States out of
Texas.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24
FOR RENJ--.ROOMs,

advertisements Of Three Lines uader his hetd
iNlaLifd MIld NNaS flI, % cfnks
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

Vacant property in all sections of the city
and suburbs.
Several houses for rent, furnished and un-
furnished.
Money to loan on real estate security.
Large loans q specialty
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

DERTIE-LETTER RECEIVED. THURS
acs2-9t* CLAUDE.
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

TOR RENT-0l7 II ST. n. W., THREE
II story and basement brick house; II
rooms; modern Convenlences, with two.story
brick stable in rear Apply to Duncanson
Bros. !th and ID SITS n W. se2i-3t
The Washington critic., 1885-09-24

- 4 RIZoNA. A."-PLEAsE SEND YOUR AD.
~ dress to W. n. r., City Postoficea
sCY2-3tt
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

Mr.. G. H. Barger, who has just
been appointed pension agent for the
State of Ohio, is chairman of the
Democratic Committee of that State
and belongs to the Mclean faction.
At the battle of Cedar Keys, while
the company of which he was cap
tain was drawn up in line expecting
every minute to go into battle, a
leave of absence which he had ap-
piled for some time before was
handed Barger. "Without a word"
says despatch to a mugwump con-
temporary, che took the paper, left
his command in line of battle, and
was never seen in the army again.
He was dishonorably dismissed for
this action, but after the war, by po-
lltical influence, he got the record
changed, and a discharge was
granted him." Gen. Wyckoff, the
man whom he succeeds, served
through the war with great distinc-
ton. The old excuse-the Presi-
dent was deceived-is promptly
trotted out to extenuate this most
disgraceful appointment.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

A sensation has been produced in
England by the publication of a
series of articles i'll The Pail Mall
Gazette exposing the infamous
traffic in young girls for immoral
purposes. The articles boldly i'm
plicate a number of persons of high
social standing, and dares them, or
the authorities, to = challenge the
proof. An immense circulation of
the paper has been secured, despite
great effort to suppress it; and 1t in
dicates something of the public ex-
citement when the subject is intro
duced into the House of Commons.
Whatever may have been the mo-
tives of the Gazette in making its
astounding disclosures, it has un-
doubtedly touched national sore,
and its exposures may lead to an
amendment of the Criminal Law, to
an abatement of the. evil, and thus
render good service to society. The
propriety of publishing such appall-
ing facts has been called in ques-
ton. But desperate diseases de-
mand desperate remedies, and it
was high time this cancer-spot
should be probed and cauterized.
What would be the result were a
similar method adopted in reference
to society in New York and some
other OF our large American cities
Can they bear the daylight ?
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

There is much wailing and gnash-
ing of teeth amongst Democrats
who have not found their anticipa-
lions of "honors" realized. So many
wanted to be postmasters, so many
wanted to be custom house officers,
and so many wanted clerkships, all
because they had voted and worked
for the Democratic party, or had
induced others to do so. We re-
joice over their present disappoint-
ment, but advise them not to be dis
couraged. Their turn will soon
come, undoubtedly.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
AMONG TIE LITTLE ONES.


"Do the souls of people go to heavenw
asked Alice. Yes, was the reply. And
net the bodies ?" "NO.n "Mell," said
Alice, "after pause, "what do you fasten
the wings onto !"
Teacher" Suppose you had two sticks
Of candy, and your big brother gives You
two more. how many would you have
then 2" Little boy Shaking his head
You don't know him; he amt that kind
of a boy"
Matties older sister suggested one day
some Improvement in her small sister S
table manners Matte, who did not take
the advice with the best grace In the
world intimated that she preferred her
own way,
"Well,n said her sister. lit isn't con-
sidered polite, anyway" to which Matte
responded, witheringly, "Pll consider my
own considers"
Mamma, is 1 q monkey" said little
girl
Certainly not, my child. Who said
you were monkey ?'
Papa said was sweet little monkey
your papa should not call you a
monkey"
Il dess papa didn't mean to call me
that; but, mamma, If was monkey |
dess papa would be awful sorry when he
thinks what monkeys papa Is, wouldn t
he, mamma. "-PrctzCpS Weekly
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

The scandal-monger, private or
public, is the most dangerous person
that any community can harbor. A
burglar or thief sins against prop
erty, and the assassin against human
life, but neither property nor human
life are so dear to their possessors as
character and reputation, against
which the scanda l-monger aims his
inevitable and deadly shafts. Shaks
peare's comment upon the man who
robs one of his good name is the
sentiment of universal human ma
ture. The man who stabs either
covertly or openly at a character,
not only wounds irretrievably his
victim, but inficts pain and sorrow
upon hundreds of others whose sym.
pathics are vitality touching. Nor
is this single thrust all that causes
anxiety and suffering. The fact
that he is abroad in the community,
seeking out and gloating over posi-,
BILE victims, catching up floating ru-
mors and pursuing them with his
charging imagination, using no dis.
elimination in his thrusts, nor ques.
tioning how his bolt may strike, moi
how many it may pierce, and anx
ious only to produce a sensation
which may react to his personal ad
vantage,-the fact that no character
nor reputation, however good, is ex
empt from his attacks, and that til,
gaping crowd will absorb and mag
Eify his inuendoes, guarded, though
they may be, against legal liabilit,
these facts are enough to max,
any community where they exis
continually apprehensive of tn
greatest danger So long, however
as the retailing Of scandal and tn
public exposure of family skeleton
are tolerated and encouraged, S
long scandal-mongers will flourish
and when the community wants t
stop that sort of thing it has tn
remedy in its own hands and ca
apply it if it wishes.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

The confidence that the Virginia
Democracy feel in their ability to
carry that State this fall is probably
justified. With free ballot and a
fair count there is little doubt but
they would be beaten, but they took
pretty good care last winter that
there should be neither by passing a
law which puts all the election
machinery into their hands.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
An EVasIvc Reply.

michael, am going up stairs to take u
nap aud if anybody calls and asks for me
you need not say am in but give an eva
sive reply" said lady to her new man
servant.
YES, num-"
do you know what an evasiye reply
Is ?"
Most certainly do, num-"
An hour later when the lady came down
stairs and met Micheal, she said
michael, did anybody call while was
asleep2 Was that horrid Mrs. - here ~
Yes, mum"
Did she ask for me ?"
"She did, num-"
al hope you gave her an evasive reply"
"Sur'n Ibid that, for she went Off like
a bit o dynamite"
what did you say to her."
"She aXed me is me misses in9 and
says to her, remimberin' as how you had
told me to make an evasive reply. is your
grandmother monkey ="
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
Jimmy Gets an Appointment.

81 shall have to ask you to look out for
Jimmy" said the cotfee-pourer, the other
morning.
whats the matter with the scamp"
There amt nothin' the matter with
me. Give us mother cake"
:" He is very dsohedient. lie will do
nothing | ask him to-"
We'll, pop, I'll leave It to you. She
sent me on a foreign mission to bring
home the ashin' when she's nothing but
secretary of the interior. She han't any
right to. has she, now.
Il see, James. Your exterior has not
been properly attended to. | have an APP
pointment with you in the cellar basement
Immediately breakfast is OVERT Hart
ford Post.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
THE GRAND ARMY

has returned after very pleasant visit
to the seaside, and everything looks
pleasant about us excepting few old
Fogies, who always wear frown,
even when the general community is
good cheer. Yes Fogies, l can read it in
your faces, and could tell your names,
but this will strike you square. You
had better mend your ways, for you
have but little time to stay here.
Therefore do try and look pleasant,
and don't be mean enough to try to
ruin ones family and cause them to
suffer in order to crafty your wilful
disposition.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
Juvenile Comprehension.

While teaehing in n large school in
Pennsylvania Miss Crayon had sole charge
of not particularly bright little fellow
whose education had just begun. During
the reading lesson one day Georgia
stumbled and came to dead stop at the
word mat.
"Spell it, Georgia." said the teacher.
MAT" read the boy.
"Well, what Is 1t ?"
Don't know"
"Oh. yes, you do" said Miss Crayon, en-
couragingly Come, now, George, what
do you wipe your feet ON?
cob" cried the little fellow, with u
long,drawn sigh Of relief. Mat, t0tUCl"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
A Sarcastic Mother.

Mr. Poctolus wilkins had been more
than usually aggravating in his satires on
his wife's culinary ability.
You mean thing" said Mrs. wilkins,
bursting into tears. 81 won't speak
another word to you as long rs live. +"
Great Heavens p said MIR. W. tom,
run out and tell Slenker to send up two
bazoos, a kettle drum, four parrots, and a
steam calliope at once Hurry now"
And what under the sun do you want
with all that foolish stuff p exclaimed
the voluntary mute
ITO get accustomed to the change, my
dear" replied Mr.. w. Doctors say
that sudden changes are always fruitful
OF disease"
"Ill go right home to my mother" said
Mrs. W., as she fell into hysterical
paroXySm.-St. Paul Herald.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
When EHc Returned,

Mr. Grablin, who is a candidate for
Mayor, and who prides himself upon the
responsibility of his social relations, was
met on the street by well-dressed man.
"Ah, am glad TO see you," exclaimed
the man, grasping Grablin's hand.
Grabln, who family remembered the
mans face, and thinking that he had been
away on an extended visit, slapped him on
the shoulder and asked
"Why, my dear friend, when did you
return 7"
"Got out to-day The Governor pardon
ed me. "-A rkdnSaW TI'apCtCr."
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
1t Was the Trimmings.

blessed shade of Saint Cr9sus y
howled Old Hyson, when Mrs. HIS mil
linery bill came in. Bank of the Uni
verse S6S for bonnet?"
"Yes, DEAR" she said, so sweetly, "these
are the days of Jetlersonian simplicity
The bonnet only cost $3.50; the rest is fol
the trimmings"
And the old man grinned and paid tn,
bill without a m&lrmur.-DrOOktUR Eagle
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
9 he Gssex County 8erala.
IsLANp PoMp. JuLY q. a..

Brief and to the point. "Been to
w ashington ?" "Yes." "Seen
Cleveland eyes" Did he
point your" eyes" "What TO ?"
"The door !"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

"You don't say nearly as long prayers
as you used to, said Freddy to his brother
not many nights since.
Don't p asked Maurice, somewhat
conscience-Stricken.
mo; you know you don't" declared
Freddy "You used to pray for lots that
you don't now. You've given up praying
for Jumbo too"
"Oh, well, said Maurice, after mo.
ment's thought, "Jumbo's big enough to
take care of himself"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
Delighted to BE out OF style.

Diplomatic Husband. MY dear, they
tell me that this year it will be fashion
able for ladies to wear their last season )
bonnets."
Still more diplomatic wife How de-
lightful! You've always complained of
my being too fashionable, and now, for
once, | can please you perfectly by being
out of style"
"By being out of stylei" in puzzled
tone.
"Yes. dear, I'll go down town this very
afternoon, and order the loyeliest new
thing in bonnets.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
The secre,arv,s Daurhtor.

Miss Bayard, daughter of the Secretary
Of State, has, in measure, assumed the
social burdens of the leading Cabinet
position. She is blonde, slight and grace
ful and has perfect genius for designing
becoming costumes. She has ready wit
and although in her first youth, relates Il
story with marked success.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
5000 ACRES
l. and for Sale /!
lnWestmore, Orleans Co., VT.

The larger part of the timber has been
acres of good timber land. Soil is excellent,
and will make good farms. Will be sold in
quantities to suit customers. Price 50 per
acre and upwards Part OF the purchase
money can remain on mortgage. Apply in
person or by letter to y. WARREN, Supt..
$3.50 West Burke, VT.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

IITI1I more money than at anything else
AI nj by taking AN agency for the BEST
NM | IN selling book out. Beginners sue
III LILY coed grandly. None fail. Terms
free. HALLETT BOOK CO., Portland, Ne.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24

But enough of sermonizing, and now
to business. First will speak of the
old
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-07-24
Beer Saloon

where the awful beer was put into
bottles, and
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1885-01-17
The West Po,ns Examination

The result Of the semi annual ex-
animation at the military academy at
West Point, which has been In pro-
gress since the I'd of January, creates
much excitement i'm the corps, ami
the number who have terminated
their military career abruptly is very
large. The fourth class alone loses
% per cent. of it's membership, and
five from the third class were return
ed to The fourth. The list Of the slain
shows that high official stations dn
not protect Incomi etent students.
Butler in tho third class. and Will
lisms in tho fourth, the former a son
of Senator Ruler, and the latter a
son Of General Williams. of the Al :
jutaDt Generals Department. In WASH
ington, have both failed.