Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-07-19
TIVE IINE.EiLN CLuA.

- ULEt&kA02k1I W - s~>T~~~--~-
1Gardasr's IasSs On Rsselaiisns ana Nh
Dchps4 Free Press. :.
az hearn q sermon De ,odder Sunday.
sAid Brother Gardner, - he rose up ana
nodded to Samuel Shin to tnrn do.n the
lamps a little and econonize on ola
sermon By a white Clergyman dat can
make st me nohow He loved dat de world
had grown wicked ct the rate Of ten per cent
per n for de last Eve y ars. al incidentally
announced dat de increase OF Bibles was
600. 900 DER var, an de increase OF preach
ers about twelve per cent. DE was Paineo
10 diskiver q CROWN lethargy IN de cause
of reliaun, but announced dat SoA ne"
churches was built last y ar. be wa. made
sad 70 learn dat crime was increasln sA
ober the world, but figured dat twenty-five
pgelists had been steady 81 work seekin
TO turn people from de error OF der ways;
If cant list make it out. 1t the world
am CROWN wickid in de face OF all dat
Chrstianity am doin dsr ssumnthin wrong.
If COO new churches and !. 1000 new preach
era hiring about q feelin' of lethargy on dc
subject Of Christianity, We d better pulld mo
stores and fewer churches. If Moody and
Sankey am incressin crime instead OF re,
ducin de record, day had better be called
in. \,
DE faek am my friends, dsr was no call
fur SIGH q sermon, an no pertickler cause 10
abuse the world. True christianity am held
in de same reverence ~ hundred J ars
ago but Christian hypocrisy an easier to
az rev We am placed hesh 40 free moral
agents. If one man feels dat ne can oe
saysd xidout a sartin amount OF singin an
prsyin' an repentance he should be allowed
his way. If anoder man holds DAT ne Kin
occupy front seat AZ the circus Widout =
crime bein' charged up TO him BY De record
in angel, YOU has no right to pitch into him.
If reHeun am not q matter Of conscience
what am it2 If conscience guides one man
TO de right an oder to de- lett you has no
right to admire one an condemn de oder.
Judge rot that ye be not judged.
An when you come to average up de
world it isn't so VERY bad. Consider eui
ills-our burdens-our sorrows-oar woes
and disappointments-de namberless set
backs an painful surprises human hesn an
heir to-an' de man who steadtsstiy refuses
10 offend sgin de law sn' de morals OF 30
ciety am worthy Of ell admiration.
II want you to go to de circus, but dozen
scsndslizs your nsybur.
Il want you to 90 to dethextre, but doan
use money DAT should 60 to pay an homes
| debt
Il want you to sing an dance, but dosn
skip, thursday evenln prayer meetin to do il
4 want you to keep your eyes open in
boss trade. hut dosn' let de contrioushuI
box pass Sidout your dime.
L want you to sympsthize wild the hea
then of Africa, but keep little money BY
you for de heather in your own nsyborhood
Let Us now purceed to attack de biznes'
| Of de meetin'."
Judge Shellbsck introduced the following
resolution:
Resolved, Dat our watchword shall con
tinue 10 be: Liberty or Death"
What am your object Brudder Smith?
blandly inquired the President.
"W-whst dye mean sshr
aid you want to upset de guvment, gil
up war bring on food, or whstY
IL dunno, sab"
"No, reckon not. Brudder Smith, when
man begins to fool sroun' with liberty OF
death, his skull wants softenin' up wild 8
poulrice. If you will mind your own biz.
ness, purvide fur your family an git home
two hours sirlier o nights. liberty or death
won't knock any hind buttons OF your coat.
Sot down an ruminatep'
The librarian submitted his quarterly re-
port, showing the number OF slnsnscs IN
der his charge to be ovsr 5000 and to cover
every year since 1856. There wac hardly
an evening that the patrons Of the library
did not discuss the subjest of anatomy, and
he would recommend the purchase OF full
sized skeleton. He would prefer that OF q
murderer, bat wouldn't be csptious. The
bones of the lawyer who defended the mw'
derer, and almost made the Jury believe
him very much abused angel, would fill
the bill
Whslebone Ho~ksr seconded the motion.
he had great curiosity to see where the
bunion made its nest and Matched Its young.
Trustee Pullback was also in favor of the
purchase. He wanted to locate the spot
where the cucumber colo got in Its work
Elder Toots and several others favored the
idea. but Brother Gardner struck the tri.
angle and said:
Anatomy might 60 wen wild blacksmith
in or carpenter work, but l aoan. see how
it would help whitewsshin De matter will
be laid on de table, an wewill sing our elosin'
ode an percolste homewards.