davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
A Cats, Head.

The Connecticut cat is continually
doing queer things. A few nights ago
a Norwich Conn young man dreamed
that he was struggling with burglars
and awoke in a cold perspiration. He
listened and thought he hearda stealthy
step coming along the versnda roof
uniier his window. The football sud-
denly stopped, and was followed by a
sharp clicking sound. accompanied by
sneeMng and spluttering. Silently the
young man slipped out of bed. got his
revolver from the bureau, cocksdi it,
and went to the window. Suddenly
throwing open the blinds he thrust his
weapon out, prepared to kill BURGLAR
Instead of midnight robber he saw a
black animal crouching on the roof. one
end terminating in stiff, erect tail and
the other in something that looked like
a small stove-pipe. 1t was cat with
an empty condensed meat can on her
head She had found it in the. yard.
put il on, and she couldn't get it off.
During the night she had awakened half
the families in the Village humping the
can against doors and windows and We
ransfa roofs. Each family supposed
they had to do with burglars-Nor-
inch Bulletin.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
Old Beliefs.

A remarkable. Instance of the tenaeity
of old beliefs smong an ignorant class
lstely occurred not very Ia from Call
cutta. The iSaa that the British Gov
eminent always began every good work
with human sacrifice was long cRurent
among the ibwer orders of the Indian
people, br,a it ght be supposed tiias il
had died cut long ago. B. appears, how
ever, to b8. as strong rs ever. The boat
men on the Ganges near Eijnaehal
somehow came to beGeve that the Gov
ernmerS required 100000 huuan heads
as the foundation Ter grsaa bridge,
and THAT Government officers were GO
ing about the river IN search OF heads.
A hunting party. consisting Of four Eu-
ropeans, happening to pass in a boat,
were set upon by f2O boatmen. with the
CRY of sGulla katta," or cut-throats,
and only escaped with their lives aftes
the greatest difficulty. The men were
arrested, and thiry-one of them sen.
fenced to terms Of from one 10 three
months Imprisonment.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
OVER HER WORK.

oh, stood beside her and watched her sew
Twas year, month and a week ago;
But my memory holds with subtle power
The fallacious sweetness of that hour.
When with curious stitch the soft-eyed Jill
Wrought this heart of mine i'm her crazy quilt.
While over the work was her head bent low,
And watched the silken devices grow,
Then wooed my love in such gentle speech
As l thought was surest her heart to reach;
And nobody knows the castles built,
All for her and me and the crazy-Quiit-
She raises those wonderful tender eyes
Now toward my face i'm vague surprise,
On her check a f1utter of softest pink;
And the scattered silks of the carpet sink,
Her lap is tangle of gloss and gilt
oh it's all UNDECIDED, the crazy-1uilt!
And straightforward shines in that wistful
way
The light of those wonderful eyes O. gray.
The sweet lips a-tremble. my heart beats fast;
The prize of my patient is come at last:
when it's quit worn out,''U wither! wilt y
May have your cravat for my crazy quilt!
Ruth Hall IN Puck.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

An Englishman, writing home from
Texas says There are no game laws
except as to close seasons, which are
little regarded in that vast wild country.
For protection a six-shooter may be
carried, except in the towns, but should
never be shown unless for immediate
Use, when at were well t were done
quickly" or the other fellow will get the
drop on you But if a stranger avoids
saloons and speaks civilly. he need never
get into ''muss;" and if you treat the
boys white they will treat you fright
square, you bet your sweet life," and
twill dearly love to- make you comfort
able" as a Texan landlady remarked to
us. They will share their ''ehuek'
(food) and their last quid of tobacco,
and they may accept ammunition or to-
bacco or shooter in return for services
rendered, but do not offer them money
unless you wish to have your hair parted;
and, above all, remember that in Texas,
as throughout America, Jack is rs good
as his master. A person who cannot
help staggering about British superb
GRITTY had mach better keep the broad
Atlantic between himself and Texas;
while another person with bis mouth shut
and his eyes open will thoroughly enjoy
that country,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
LARGE WAISTS.
COmprrssure Sin Against Humanity and
Its Maker.

~
Its Maker.
Women who have the livings to earn
must encounter severe competition, and
they will never receive consideration be.
cause they are women. They must ex-
Gel in order to be successful. Excellence
implies strength-not spasmodic. nerv-
Gus strength, which makes an effort
once in while, under extraordinary
pressure, but the strength which can
turn off daily work without excessive
fatigue-the strength which leaves the
eye still bright and the step elastic after
long day behind the counter, over the
sewing machine, at the desk, at the
easel, in the kitchen. in the schoOl-room.
Such strength as this does not go with
a small waist. From the nature Of
things, it can never-unless it has been
pointed out in exceptional cases-be
found in women with small waists.
Strong back and abdominal muscles
muscles which can do their work with
out the deadly props of steel and whale
bone now SO universally wOrn-a large
uIStStNc CdpdcitS, q iapio anu ul0ciiy
unobstructed flow of the blood in the
veins and the arteries-these are some
of the requirements of health and
strength And these things take up
room. In most women God has given
room for these organs and their pro-
cesses. but it is reduced and contracted
in order to make the waist appear
small. In the name of honorable labor;
of healthy and happy infancy and child
hood; of Intelligent, high-minded. wo-
manhood; of every thing that is beautiful
and worth having for women in this
world, we plead for the scorned, the
condemned large waist. Give your
body ROOM 1t is sin against humani-
ty and its Maker to compress your waist
-PhiIGttt Lo1sia Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
GIG MONKEYS.
A Good Story ON Adam Forepaueh-A Chip
of the Old Block.

A Good Story ON Adam Forepsugh-A Chip
ofthe Old Block.
The boys tell good many jokes on
Uncle Adam Forepaugh. the circus man.
Adam is an old Pennsylvania Dutch
man, rich. but a little NEAR" That
is, he looks after the dollars pretty well,
and wants ever dollar to go as far as it
can. His son, young Adam, or "Addy,"
as the boys call him, is chip of the old
block, or in other words there is good
deal of the old Adam in the young Adam.
The old man has great confidence in
"Addv," who is one of the greatest
trainers Of wild animals in the world,
but the young man is full Of jokes, and
the old man comes in for his share,
though he never believes that he is be-
ing made game of until it is all over.
Last year "Addy" was in Europe look
ing up curiosities, and one day his father
received cablegram saying, 81 have
bought two monkeys that weigh nine
hundred pounds each. Cable me twen-
ty-tive hundred dollars" Adam read
the message and handed it to his mana
ger, saying:
Il told you dot boy find something in
Europe dot make you hair stand up
straight. Dem is the biggest monkeys
ever vOs."
"But, Mr.. Forepaugh. said the man
ager, ''you are not going to send the
money, are you? There are no such
monkeys. weighing as much as horse.
There is some mistake"
II send de money" said Adam.
"Dot boy has struck a lead of monkeys
and don't you forget it. You can't tell
vot kind of monkeys dey get from the
interior of Africa. Ven we get dere
small monkeys, We get just in de edge of
Africa. Now dey get clear in de inside
of Africa dey get monkeys de full size.
You wouldn't believe it ven dey got
gorillas first, neider," and old Adam be.
gan to arrange to cable tie money to
Addy.
"Well. if Addy has got nine-hun.
dred pound monkey, / will eat him, "
said the manager ut is unreasonable,
and wouldn't pay the money till 1 saw
the monkeys, if l was you
''Vell, watts de use my seeing 'em,
said the old man a little vexed. "Addy,
he seen 'em, and dat settles it. If dat
boy cable me he got dwarf eighteen
feet high, he got him, dots all. You
can't fool dot boy on monkeys. He
knows more about monkeys dan all de
other showmen. Vot do we know about
big monkeys tree four tousand miles
away? Dere might be monkeys big as
elephants for all we know. l send de
money tonight" and he did. The next
day the old man got cable from
"Addy" as follows:
money received-monkeys dead"
Old Adam was bordering over the
message when the manager came in He
handed the message to the manager and
said:
"Vot You tink2''
The manager said he knew all the
time there was no such monkeys, and il
was his opinion Addy wanted some
money pretty bad, and took that way to
deceive his poor old trusting father, and
get the money. The old man thought a
minute and then said
'.Vell, vot Is it your business? Fo,
you kicking aboutp Addy want de
money, and ne got it, amt it. Dot eos
my 6oy," and he went out laughing and
slapping his sides at the joke Addy had
| played on him.-Psck's Sun.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

-Timid buyer-Is the horse shy or
timid2 Ardent seller-Not a bit of it.
Why, he sleeps all alone in his stable
Boston Beacon.
1t is the fashion to name children
after flowers IN Virginia. That is proba-
bly, because they all start out as Virginia
creepers. - Pittsburgh Chronicle Tste-
graph.
One of wise DR.. Franklin's wise say
ings was= 1T is the eyes of others that
ruin u.s." 1t is good thought to ''chew
on''-and also to act on-in these hard
times.-M- z. Independent.
-Teacher-Of what is the ocean COM
posed? Bcy-Of salt water. Teacher
Why is the water CT the ocean salt?-
Boy-Because so many salt cOdfis
swim about in it, 1 suppose.'-1sras
.Sttings.
-s.1 have here letter directed to the.
prettiest woman in the house" announc-
ed the presidentess of a woman's CEN
vention. Four reporters on, the front
seat were. trampled to death in the rush
for the speakers stand.-Merohant
1ryIUeter.
We. Judge others by their faults and
ourselves by our virtues. This is not
righteous Judgment, perhaps; but with
out some such arrangement, il would be
difficult to discover. as we now do, that
we. are ever so much better than our
neighbers.-BOston Herald.
-"DD you know a man by the name
Of Legion" inquired Burnley of n
friend. LEGION? No. Il never heard
of him. jenkins told me last night
that had been called the biggest fool.
jackass on earth, and when,I demanded
the mans name he said it was Isgion.
I'm looking for him. Pack.
A lady who has been abroad was.
describing some of the sights other trip,
to her friends. '.But what pleased me-
as mach as anything" she concluded.
s.was the wonderful clock, atSsrasburg."
'sOh, how l should love to seeit,' gush--
ed pretty young woman in. pink. al
am so interested in such things. ind,
did yOu see the celebrated watch on the
Rhiae, too?"-Drake's Magasises
-'1Why, Mr.. Togg," urged the land
ndS. ''you are not eating anything
Come, now, try one of my nice BISCUITS
Thank you. ma'am." replied Eogg,
a1ut when was child 1 was told newer
10 ask for anything didn't see on. the
table" The ,Andla,ly remarked to the
servant, after tea, that she wondered
what Mr.. Foymeans: something hate
sul, she'd be 3Ound.-Boston Transcript
-Teacher-Now. young ladies. We
come to the subject in moral philosophy
known genarnlly IS ''the kiss Miss
Rubylips. II yoang man should at
tempt to kiss you how would YOU acts
! Miss Rubylips-I should act ON the de-
fensive-siye hlrs as much fight as pos
| sible and eventually surrender WHY
would yen give him so much brouble">
ITO make him more apPrecistiye.
The fiescer tho battle the sWeeter the
ictory-"-PialadelfLia Calk
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
TAKEN DOWN.
How tho Old Gentleman Took the Starch
out of Self-Suflcient Younsster.

How the Old Gentleman Took the Starch
out of q self-sumcient Younsster.
The youth had been patronizing the
young ladies by vouchsafing choice bits
of his superior wisdom. "You remem-
Der what Cesar said when he was about
to cross the Rubicon?' said the old
gentleman. Certainly" replied the
youth, with careless glance of pity at
the young ladies, who of course could
not be expected to know everything that
q man knows. "And of course you are
equally familiar with the life of Peter
man. II should say that l was, re-
piled the young man quickly, but not
without slightly troubled look in his
face. 'And Semiramide," the old gen.
tleman went on, ..you recall his famous
saying?" Yes" gasped the youth,
wishing that the old gentleman might be
struck with apoplexy as soon as con-
venient. "I'm glad you remember it, :"
said the old gentleman, with animation,
''for I've clean forgotten it. Now, if
you'll be kind enough, and no doubt the
the ladies would be glad to hear it also. !"
The youth by this time wished that the
old gentleman had died in infancy, and
as for the young ladies. he couldn't help
thinking how much better it would have
been had they never been born. by
the way" pursued the old gentleman.
seeing the youth hesitate, "who wa,
Semiramide? He had something to
do with the last Franco-Prussian war,
hadn't he?" "Yes, oh yes, replied the
youth, catching at the bait with eager
ness, while something like a giggle
was passed around among the young
ladies. as if it were paper of cara
mels. '.And Peter the Hermit was
instrumental in bringing about peace
at the close of that struggled ''Yes."
The youth said this very family. But
Caesar held out and marched his shat
tered force into the Wallachian princi-
pality?' That's the way / remember
it," replied the youth, with despera-
ton born of despair. Then the old gen.
tleman looked at the young ladies, who
were engaged IN stuffing their mouths
full of pocket handkerchief, and then he
looked at the youth and exclaimed:
"Ah, sir, how | envy you your stores OF
knowledge! What a comfort you must
be to your parentsr' Then the youth
got up and went out into the cherries
night, and cussed the old gentleman be-
hind his back. And the young ladies
laughed in unison, but the noise of their
laughter was overborne by the merry
peals of the old gentleman. -Boeton
IrtsnScyiDt.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
Roman Remains in Bavaria.

The remains of large Roman villa
fitted with extensive baths have been
recently discovered at Einlng, neal
Abensberg- supposed to be the ancient
Abusina-a town in Bavaria ON the
Aliens River, near the Danube. The
heating apparatus has been found IN
very perfect condition, together with
many curious and interesting architect
ural details. But what is perhaps Of
more interest still, the skeleton of a wO-
man has been found, having by her side
a jug, glass urn, and tear-bottles-.>the
last usual offering to the dead. In ad-
dition to this, there was the apparatus
of her toilet, including hair-pins, pearl
necklace, and bracelets. Some sculp-
ture was also brought to light. though
in very broken state; but one piece,
a woman's head in marble, was very
well executed indeed. A ''votiNe" stone
was also found with an inscription Of
four lines, dedicated, as an offering, in
honor of 'Dea Fortuna Augusta kaus-
tina" A large plumber of Roman
weapons, coins, spoons, rings and
fibula, and many other articles with
Roman bricks. tiles, and stamps in con-
siderable numbers. were also discovered
among the foundations of this interest
ing villa.-N. Y. Erenjng Post
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
A delicious Condiment."

A letter to the. london Standard do
elares th,st black beetles--the ordinary
Observation-Disclosures properly dressed
form - most delicious eenGhMeut."
Here is,ihe recipe for beetlepast; ''Catch
your bsetles IN s. soup plsse filed with
vinegar. and Keep them soaking for six
hours Then turn the beetles out and
dry ,hem in the sun for At least two
hours, when the outer shell ean be easily
removed, the flesh then resembling that
Of shriap, to be put into gallipot
and mixed up with -four, butter, pep
Fer, and salt, to thick paste; stew in
ahe oven for two hours, and when cold
serve with bread and butter"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL.

Brooklyn has only one church to
every 1924 inhabitants-lesst than any
other city in the United States.
The late Robert Treat Paine, OF
Boston, bequeathed $4,000 for the en-
dowment Of chair of practical astron-
omy at Harvard college.
Nineteen Sunday-schools are con
nected with the LONDON Church, OF
which the Rev Newman Hall is pastor,
and these schools at present contain in
all 5000 children. ....u
There are three Presbytcries in
South Carolina, composed almost ex-
clusively of colored people, and in con-
nection with the Northern Assembly. 1t
is thought that the erection of synod in
South Carolina must shortly be the re-
suit. ----7s
The Presbyterians, according to 3
correspondent of the Scottish American
Journal, have determined to establish a.
church in every New England city
which has been educated in the Presby-
terrain faith.
The first five or "star" graduates
at West Point this year were: Kuhn,
Kentucky; Craighill, at large; O'Brien.
Massachusetts,; Wilcox, Georgia; and
Cole, Illinois. This class numbers
thirty-nine. The origna! number was
ninety-seven. The class of 1886 num-
bers eighty-two.
-"For an obvious reason I will dis
miss the congregation and dispense with
the communion service" said Rev. DIR.
Leonard, rector of the Episcopal Church
at Fairfield, Cenn., on Sunday last, as.
at the first sounds of the organ, thou
sands of bees swarmed out of the roof,
where they had gone into the honey
making business.
-Haverford College. near PhiIsdel-
phia. an institution under the care Of
the Orthodox Friends, is made the re-
siduary legatee of the estate of the lat,
Jacob P. Jones, of Philadelphia. The
bequest will amount to half. and per-
haps three-guarters of million. 1t is
made in memory of an only son, who
was graduate of the college.
In the death of Rev. Daniel d.
Whedon, d. d., at Atlantic Highlands.
| ". ~ tuC 4uCtuOtliot EplSCOpdt
loses one of its brightest ornaments
An accomplished scholar, a good writer,
an able Biblical commentator, he was
more than all a devout and humble
Christian. The world is better because
he lived and labored in it; and surely no
higher eulOgy could be passed on any
man than that
The latest declaration of independ-
ence has been made in the Friendly Is
lands. where the King, the Court and
11,000 adherents of the Wesleyan Meth
odist Church. have severed themselves
from the New South Wales Conference
and formed the Independent or Free
Church of Tonga. The grievance is
that the New South Wales Confer
ence would not consent to transfer them
to the New Zealand Conference.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07
The Consequences if he Got Left.

"Iwcul, like, said tho timid lover
to the maiden vino had just accepted
hirs, II would ike. since we can not
marry at once. to keep our engagement,
o secret for the present. /"
Why's asked the astoDished damsel.
"Wen, the fact is my parents would
disown me -
..Disown you? Am not worthy to
be their daughter? Is my family not as
good as yours? Am l not -"
lone moment, darling, one little mo-
ment. You are mistaken"
Mistaken? would net marry you
-"
stay, implore you. You, my own.
are better than /. You are rich; | am
,,oOr. My parents would disown me-
il got left this time. San FraReisco
Chronicle.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

The war of 1912 closed more than
seventy years ago. and yet there are, ac-
rording to the last annual report OF the
Commissioner of Pensions, 3,S9S surviv-
ing soldiers and 1882 widows on the
pension rolls.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

F Any person who takes the paper regH
larly from the post-office, whether directed to
his name or whether he is a subscriber or not,
is responsible for the pay.
The courts have decided that refusing to
take newspapers from the postothce, or re
moving and leaving them uncaled for. is
srima facie evidence Of INTENTIONAL FRAUD.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

1t is said that there have been more
.ruit and ornamental trees set out In
Dakota this se@ BON than in any previous
one, and that they grow much more
easily than was supposed.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

-Lignum vita stands first among
our native woods in power to resist ..in-
ientation," which means in. the census
tests compression in a line Perpendicular
% the fiber.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

The other day some Denver doctors
killed terrier by cutting its throat and
Withdrawing It's blood. They let it re-
main dead for something more than
three bours. when they proceeded to
fc-sc into its system fresh blood drawn
from large Newfoundland mastiff. In
twenty minutes from the time the first
warm blood was injected tbs terrier
sneezed, and in another half honr was
sleeping in warm blanket, apparently
recovering from an illness. Intwo days
it was running shout, and is now well
and hearty terrier. The truth of this
story is vouched for by the Denver
NeUs.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

"A Boston statistician says that 81
will buy as much of the necessaries of
to-day as $3.50 in 1875, $1.32 in 1855,
81 cents in 1S45, and Sl.19 in 1925. In
other Words, the purchasing power Of
81 is - per cent. greater than it was in
1855. A dollar will buy more to-day
ths.n in most previous periods in the his
b,ry of the nation.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

Tea culture in Ceylon is making
headway. The crop this year is csti-
mated at $500, 900 pounds.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-07

Qay-SlOcuIn, Tue SHOtuldkcT, IuOuHtcu
on farmer Days old white mare, which,
although patient creature at the pillow,
was not friendly to drum; so Slocum,
being a careful man, kept one hand
twisted in her name. The orator wore
cooked hat. which was viciously in
clined TO settle upon the top CT his nose;
he wore also an Odd-Fellow's scarf of
gorgeous design, and the oration--an
enormous roll-stuck out of his breast
pocket. Next strobe Ed Tully and
Rube Apologize, arrayed in the blue
badges improvised in paper-muslin, but
of generous proportions. Then came
the ice-cream wagon, and. as guard
TO it, Dave Browns slouching strength,
made CONSPICUOUS by grand sash of
the national colors. Behind him fell in
hundred of the village people two by
two. old and young, hallooing boys and
toddling babies, pretty girls and stocky,
low-browed farmers.
At certain cross-road the Holloway
procession came up and struck into the
turnpike. AS neither party would give
way, the two marched along side by
side. scarcely burrows width between
them.
Little Mabel Worth, carrying blue
silk banner. headed the Holloway party.
She was dressed in a white frock, and
although the wreath in her hair was de-
signed by the village milliner, SO stub.
bornly lovely is childhood that the small
creature. wide-eyed and serious with the
importance of the occasion, looked like
some holy martyr child stepped out from
an old picture. Even the Oddities re-
marked her beauty. and Ed. Tully. in
pure jealousy, directed the horn-blower
foot up now, first-class.
But the Holloway merry-makers had q
surprise in reserve. A dozen gayly-
dressed girls, and a dozen young fellows
with knots of ribbon in their hats, strucl
! up the Red, White, and Blue" School