The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-09-17
GOGGLES.
The Husbands Costly Experience witt
His Nlire,a DAZZLING Pet Doa. ..GoogIes.,,

AA-o NNAcT OaAAAA8 = - us CSOs@0De
at makes the veins in my forehead
swell, and my hat suddenly grows too
small for me-" said well-known club
man the other day, Ito think of little
pet brute that resides where am stop
ping at present-in fact, he belongs to
my wife / little thought, when the
dog-hawker, who has beefsteaks tied
to his legs to allure dogs, stopped me
on Broadway and suggested that
should buy the fawn-colored pest, that
he had designs on my peace OF mind.
Otherwise I should have strangled
him In a weak moment went home
and told my wife l had seen such a
pretty Pug-I thought the dog pretty
then. From that moment / had no
rest; she wanted him at once. ! tried
to dodge the issue, but to no good.
Every day came uptown my wife
would throw her arms around my neck
Il have been married three years and
know what that means, and whisper,
Darling, has the man sold that pretty
pug yetP Mop Then, Charley, dear,
won't you buy him for me? The
Griggs have q pug, and it makes me
sick to think haven't got one, too
/ bought that pug. and we have had
heas ever since.
''For two weeks my wife kept me
awake at nights asking me how liked
this name and that name for her pet.
She went through every book in the
library in search of an inspiration. 1t
was no use Then she leased me for
names. / suggested tKapitanos An
titratikas,' and she laughed at me; l
mentioned 'Stufeymeguzzen.' and she
got mad l then retired from the
christening racket, and she settled on
GOGGLES. There were other Googleses
in the dog world, so our pug is now
known as Lanjan's GOGGLES, and great
ness has thus been thrust upon me.
Such is fame.
From the first GOGGLES was all
there. He had as many points as Wall
street in a month. His color was the
thing until my wife gave him a bath,
and then the paint washed off. This
nearly broke her heart, and have had
to engage the man who swindled me
to come twice week and touch Goo
giles up. The man says: Yer can bet
yer sweet life l am the boss fakir in
America The GOGGLES lay too much
By the fire, and the glue softened and
his tail uncurled and stuck straight
out like a pointers. The hair-dresser
Ae1o ~ SOAAO AA0 ONCL1
ing. My wife would sigh and say: %,
Charley, do look at him now, the little
darling; look at his beautiful eyes; see
how they express his love for me- l
agreed with her; l rather thought they
glittered, especially the left one. /
was right. GOGGLES fell off the stoop
one night. and when he was rescued
empty was one socket A little boy
who was passing handed me something
he had picked up in the street; he said
it was a diamond breastpin.' 1t turn
ed out to be GOGGLES glass eye. The
love my wife had seen was in reality a
pinch of phosphorus.
GOGGLES then knew that he had
been discovered as a fraud, and no
longer dissembled. His good manners
at once took wing. He deserted the
parlor and his good mistress for Tren-
ton sausages and the cook. His tastes
were low and he sought the festivities
of the realms of the basement. When
he had stuffed himself out with good
cheer until he could hardly waddle he
would go and look at himself in the
FURNISHED convex boiler to elongate his
figure. He Is up to all sorts of games,
and for a small dog can purloin more
meat from the butchers and hide it on
his person than melancholy Dane.
His thirst is of the best order, too; he
is terror on the heeltaps in the de-
cauters.
"One night GOGGLES was decidedly
groggy, and in a beastly frame of
mind. He had been lushing it several
days, and was of his feed He had
been offered saddle of mutton and
roasted Currituck widgeon for dinner,
all to no good. He began to see things,
and as passed him on my way out ne
bit my leg and went whOopIng OFF.
When l reached the club some one
said, Charley Lanjan's got 'em bad;
he's going around with a pearl neck
lace on his leg; he is working the Duke
racket. l heard the remark and, look
ing down, found full set of false teeth
sticking in my trousers. They were
GOGGLES.
My wife came home one day and
said that there was to be a dog-show,
and that she had entered GOGGLES, and
wanted me to fix up a pedigree right
straight off. 1 did it. ] copied most
of it out of Burke's Peerage, adopting
only the Christian names. 1t took bet
ter than any pedigree ever heard of,
and GOGGLES won the prize. But my
WHO maui SuelulcS OI seventeen Oh ner
most intimate lady friends, all of whom
have been trying to buy or steal Goo
giles ever since.
''Now that GOGGLES has become a
winner he has put on more frills than
a dozen virgin queens. He smashes
things, chews things, bites things. de-
stroys things, and steals things. He
gets sick, and the family physician has
to be called in. He has the canker,
and when he gets well of it he starts in
on the mango. He gets better and has
to ride in the park. He RECEIVERS. and
he gobbles everything he sees. Just
run your eye over this paper" contin-
ued Mr.. Lanjan, land see what Goo
giles has cost during the month";