davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1885-05-28

L
To.BE perfect is not of earth. Even a
Democratic administration which is trying
its very best to do what is best cannot be
expected to entirely succeed in every
minute particular, and this has lately
been made exceedingly manifest in the
appointment OF a governor for the terri
tory of New Mexico. Ex-senator Ross
who has succeeded in obtaining the APP
pointment alluded to, WIS a Republican
senator from Kansas some years z At
the time of the attempted impeachment
of Andrew johnson he became a champ
ion of the prosecuted president and was
thereafter ostracised by his party, and be-
came what is known as a ''broken-down
politician. He tried running a newspa-
per in Lawrence and failed and after
while migrated to New Mexico and a little
while ago-in fact at the time when he be-
gan to aspire to b. governor ofNew Mexi-
co-was a dry-goods clerk, or something of
that sort ut Albuquerque. A gentleman
who was his most prominent rival for the
appointment is Hon. VIM. Thornton, of
Santa Fe. NJ. Thornton is n lawyer of
fint class ability and attainments; The
most prominent lawyer, perhaps, in the
territory. lie was the choice of nine
,entbs of the people aud petitions signed
numerously by citizens in all parts of
New Mexico, unfortunately as to poll
tics, though Mr.. Thornton is an ardent
Democah were sent to the powers that
be at Washington, asking his appoint
ment. but the prayers Of the righteous
availed nothing; and Ross will be COVER
nor. 1t Is queer, somewhat sad, decided
ly unfortunate and altogether distracting,
but in the anne of the man of destiny, -
Il promising administration. the Star
SpaDgled Banner and several other things:
Hires to you, Governor Ross.
, 1885-05-28

At the time of the geographical congress
in Paris there was a conversation at the
house of NJ. Theirs, and among those
present were Lord Lyons. Prince Orlof
and NJ. de Lesseps. The great French en-
gineer had been congratulating the Rus
sian ambassador upon the general excel
lence of russian maps +.
your praise is the more valuable. " said
Prince Orlolf. seeing how enormous is
the extent of the cars dominions and
how many difficulties u surveyors have
to encounter"
"True. . replied NJ. de Lesseps, -the
area Of your country is almost exactly
similar in extent 10 that Of the moon. -
~The difference being, " continued Lord
Lyons, THAT whereas the area of the
moon. in spite of her apparent changes. is
a fixed quantity. the area of Russia Is con
tinually increasing. "
, 1885-05-28

Manufactured only by the California
Fig Syrup Co. San Francisco Cal, is
sent liquid fruit remedy may be had of
Hunt X Whipple druggists. Sample bot
ties free and large bottles at fifty cents or
one dollar. 1t is the most pleasant,
prompt and effective remedy known, to
cleanse the system, to act on the Liver,
Kidneys and Bowels gently yetthoroughly;
to dispel Headaches, Colds and Fevers; TO
cure Constipation, Indigestion and kind
red ills.
, 1885-05-28

The remains of a red granite statue
of Ramses H., the cotenporary of
Moses, which was found w Mr.. Petrie
at Tanis. Egypt, have been carefully
examined and photographed. This
work has convinced Mr.. retrle that the
statue must have been 115 feet high,
exceeding all the monuments of the
kind hitherto known. The statues
great toe has a circumference Of a foot
and a half.
, 1885-05-28
-TMo


Helen II. winslow.l
Two streamlst-. ! kaow. w.ye h-a waters
clear
Interminyio their muruluring scu-,
But one seek the north nnd tue otler Rows
south
by a roundabout cure and along.
And the streams which at first blended
every low strain fttIr
Flowing ever unto the deep sea.
Leave constantly wider the distance be-
tween, ttni 100.
As hstwasn YOU. love, AMI me.
Two hearts l once knsw, who dwelt side by
ssdo
And whoss thought. ntertwinei with
each other;
But differing aims lead BY separate paths
And each iinds their JOY in another.
And the two which at first cloa toy ether
were bound
Drift apart on the worlds changing sea
And the distance grows wider as the year
roll by
As between you. love, and me.
, 1885-05-28
A New Tanning Agent.

The statement is made hat a tanner al
Tempe, A. T., two or three years ago dis.
covered a plant which carried a large pro.
portion of %tannin. and which, when used
in the manufacture Of Heather. gave extra
weight to the product The plant is Of
annual growth. Indigenous to the deserts
and dry uplands. and is known 10 the
Mexicans and Indians as ~gonagra. y 1t
has n o. somewhat longer aud more
scraggy than the cultivated beet. though
resembling il in appearance.
, 1885-05-28

Some experiments were made at the
real estate exchange with the new eleva-
tor. 1t was drawn to the top story and
the rope cut. The automatic brake i'm
mediately acted. and stopped the car be-
fore II had descended five feet. Two COB
lets of water and a basket of eggs where
then placed in the car, which fell seventy
were unbroken, and only a few drops of
water were spilled.
, 1885-05-28

TUT WWFI HUINVII
1t is mentioned that the Eastbourne
board of guardians have ordered a mine
ing machine to be supplied for the use
of aged and toothless paupers in their
o rk-house. A simple matter this, but
what q difference such a trihe will make
to the aged and infirml The instru-
ment is ordered, it is said, at the in
stance of the lady guardians. 1t would
be interesting to know how many mine
ers are in use at work houses which are
under exclusive care of the sterner sex,
, 1885-05-28
xouxa MEN i-RRAn THIS

THE YoITAIc Belt Co.. of Marshall,
Mich, offer to send their celebrated
ELECTHo-VoLTAIc BELT and other
ELECTRIC APPLIANCES on trial for thirty
days. to men young or old) affiliated
with nervous debility, loss Of vitality and
manhood, and all kindred troubles. Also
for rheumatism, neuralgia. paralysis, and
other diseases. Complete restoration TO
health, vigor and manhood guaranteed.
No risk is incurred as thirty days trial is
allowed. Write themat NICE for illustrated
pamphlet free.
, 1885-05-28

All travellers stopping for a time in
Cheyenne can find the best accommoda-
tons in the city at the Western Hotel on
Fifteenth street. The location is agreea-
bic and convenient, rooms pleasant and
newly furnished, meals the best a first
class cook can prepare from the finest
materials in the market, walters who un-
derstand their business. the best liquors
and cigars in the bar room are among the
many attractions of this popular house.
HERMAN KnnIK proprietor.
, 1885-05-28

A new oath, that is said to be regarded
by Chinese witnesses as hopelessly bind.
ing. has been discovered. Ii is called the
-yellow oath, " and was employed for the
first time in one OF our courts yesterday.
If the yellow oath shall justify the high
expectations entertained Of it a long-felt
want will be supplied. A red, white, and
blue oath Of equal power is badly needed
for Caucasian use.
, 1885-05-28
The Average of FisSworms.

The scientific people claim that the
average Of fishworms to the acre is 81.
s67. but any small boy who has ever
handled a hoe on a warm day, while the
rest Of the crowd. with poles and bait,
were impatiently waiting, will scratch nui
the last three figures and tell you the
baldheads don't know anything about ii.
, 1885-05-28

There is being built at the Table works
a monster of a locomotive which will
figure at the Anyers exposition. This en-
CINE will be the heaviest and largest that
has ever been constructed since the estab
lishment of railroads Ii will have ten
wheels of more than a yard in diameter.
and will weigh, in running order, 1885. 900.
pounds
, 1885-05-28

A young man became involved in a
difficulty. and in an evil moment accepted
a challenge.
AT the railroad station he said anx-
iously TO the ticket agent: ~Did a couple
Of gentlemen buy tickets for R. with
in a short timer
Yes, sir, " said the agent -They
went 10 the lunch counter and ordered
%gunpowder tea and rare. roast beef, with
plenty of blood gravy. and then bought
tickets TO R. and return. "
And returnl By thunder" gasped the
young man to his second. AZ guess I'd
better a~pologize.
, 1885-05-28

CoAING into Davenport, Iowa, the
passengers read a huge sign on an immense
building, The Sandwich Manufacturing
Company, and, passing, they hear the
buzz Of lathes and the hum of power
piled saws. Thus the initiated are led to
suppose that the circular style of railroad
sandwich and the ring sort of case-hard-
ened doughnuts are turned, shaped and
sand-papered in this factory, from the
prevailing timber Of hat region.
, 1885-05-28

TnE fact that so many ~collegians are
paying more attention to muscular de-
velopment than intellectual, recalls what
Henry Fielding said in one of his novels
Of a man who was so eminent as a dancer
that he really had no special use for a
head, as his talents lay altogether in his
legs. Nevertheless nature had given
him a head merely as u matter of physical
conformity. Now the fact is that a prize
fighter has to have a head, Mr.. Fielding
to the contrary notwithstanding. Other
wise, how could his opponent get in a
mug masber' or a ''smeller crimper'
or a pepper closer, - and all such elegant
ornaments and facial adornments?
, 1885-05-28

To all who are suffering from errors and
in~discretions of youth, nervous weakness,
early decay, loss of manhood, &c, viii
send a receipt that will cure you, FREE
OF CHARGE This great remedy IA
discovered by a missionary in South
America. Send self addressed envelope
to Rev. Joseph I. Inman, Station D.,
New York.
, 1885-05-28

Kossuth thinks the greatest two men in
the world to day are Bismarck and the
emperor OF Japan-the latter because Of
the wonderful progress his country has
made in the last few wears.
, 1885-05-28

Edwards Pierrepont once wrote to his
son; You may be invited to a ball OF
dinner because you dance or tell n good
story; but no one since the time Of Queen
Elizabeth has been made a cabinet minis
Ter or a lord chancellor for such reasons. y
, 1885-05-28

An officer in the English army in the
Soudan writes: There are hundreds Of
thousands Of acres hat will grow any
thing in the world-sugar. maize. cotton.
There is no limit to the produce that may
be taken from the soil without any manur-
ing or costly cultivation.
, 1885-05-28

IN GIN. GRANTS illness Col. Fred
bids fair to take the place which, during
Gar6eld's suffering, was occupied by
temperature and respiration, etc
, 1885-05-28

IT Is asserted that Washington clerks
buy lottery tickets as regularly as they
take whisky. This is plainly a lie, for
there arc not 80 many lottery tickets
printed.
, 1885-05-28

A DARKEY stole an oyercoat from a
farmer in Pettis, county, Mo, and al old
%auntie, commenting Indignantly about the
matter, said, ut was an owdashus shame,
for de coat was a mons.ous good 'un. One
or desc var reg'lar beaver dam over
cuats.N
, 1885-05-28

Uncle. why do the Appropriateness al
ways have their mouths open in the show
bills7" Uncle with malicious equi.
Yoke; ITO take in the public. my boy;
now 90 and play"
, 1885-05-28

Jud Lafagan: 1t seems to be a sort Of
soothing syrup with many to lay :heir
i'll luck TO circumstance @over which
we have no control. -
, 1885-05-28

TAFTWHN NUHEI7TUF IUT-
Is there any difference between a jour
nalist and an editors Yes. The journal
ist Is a man who writes things for newspa-
pers The editor is the man who leaves
Out what the jourl alist writes.
, 1885-05-28

THE return Of l7-year locusts gives the
late Republican ofice-holding element
much hope for the future. But II you
will notice the locusts they last only a
short season and are all split up in the
back very soon after their appearance.
, 1885-05-28

HENRY Il. PRINDLE of Oakland, Cal,
killed DR. j.. N. Bruck for alleged unpro-
fessional conduct while attending the for
mer's sick wife. IF this sort OF thing
increases, the doctors will have to get up
a code Of practice laying down the proper
and legal manner of inquiring Of female
patient as to the condition of her pulse,
the symptoms of the liver, and the state
of her heart, etc. otherwise it will be
dangerous to be safe.
, 1885-05-28

Always look at your worries through
the wrong end of an opera glass. Exam
Inc your Joys with a microscope.
, 1885-05-28

Our tailoring department Is now com
plete with all the late novelties in fine for
eign and domestic fabrics. b. Hellman.
, 1885-05-28

ANOTHER Commune rupture in Paris.
Some Yankee should try to invent a
truss to r this sort Of thing
, 1885-05-28

Ladies who would retain freshness and
vivacity. Don't fail 10 Try well 5
Health Remover. lJI9NDfl SD
, 1885-05-28
MIXED MUSIC.

TINS new word ''sheol' is worse than
all that the term implies
, 1885-05-28

Fancy hosiery in endless variety and
cheap At Polaeks Q sIlf - f
, 1885-05-28

1T TRANSPORTS that Robson became
secretary Of the navy because he knew
how to be the life of the company"
Well, that was about all a secretary of
the navy had to do in the later years Of
Republican domination. please observe
that the last word is spelled with an %
, 1885-05-28

A PHILADELPHIA paper says editorially
that the Philadelphia league club has
inspired a confidence in its ability to play
ball which has never been felt before 1t
is the inspiration of confidence of this
kind which braces up our fair fabric Of
government as with pillars of brass, and
cheers the public with a hope that u in
situations have not been erected in vain.
, 1885-05-28

Legal bIanks At the Leader ofiee.
, 1885-05-28

The SIN will prove this morning that
the streets of Cheyenne have been i'm
properly named. Every once in a while
and sometimes twice in a while, the fact
leaks out hat our pioneers didn't know
enough to drown a cat, or, at least, they
didn't know ms much as a sub-editor of
the Sun.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
Devoe Predicts Hard weather.

DeVoe, the Hackensack weather pro
phet. predicts as follows in yesterday n
Y. Sun
The chances of sleighing in New Jersey
for Christmas are rather poor. About
the 21st there Will be a southeast storm
with rain in this section, and warm foI
this season OF the year; and Christmas viii
be clear, bright pleasant day over most
parts of the United States.
Quite number of people have come to
the conclusion that we are to have mild,
open winter; but they will be mistaken;
for about the 9th we will enter the most
severe storm period of the winter. About
that date two severe storms will move
across orr continent from west to east. A
severe snow storm will occur, extending
from the Hudson River westward, and
railroad travel will be all blocked up; so
parties having goods to send West from
New York city should ship them without
delay, so that they will reach their destina-
before the eth.
And while the snow storm is in progress
here violent cyclone will occur down in
New Mexico, and it will strike the west
Gulf States in the form of norther on
JAN /, 1886. and parties having charge OF
cattle in Texas and Kansas will be in
danger of severe losses by intense cold, and
in the State of Illinois the thermometer
will drop about 20o below zero. This cold
blast will probably strike New York city
on Jan. 2, and the Hudson will close as far
down as Fort Lee, and January will be an
extremely cold month. Your readers will
have about ten days to get ready for a
freeZe-up
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
The Tiresome Tramps.

Monday afternoon four trampS, two men
ard two women, sought the hospitality of
our Borough and were awarded quarters
in the lookup, which, proving too narrow
in point of accommodation for so large
number, the two men were thrust forth
with privilege to choose for themselves
whittier they would go, while the women
were given shelter. Later in the evening
one of the male members of the quartette
got drunk and at late hour of the night
began to seek resting place. Among other
places he called at +. b. Humphreys
house and gave the bell couple of vigor-
GUS pulls indicating business of great
urgency. Mr. II. answered the summons
and discovering the character of his late
caller ordered him away. He departed
and passed down the street, lingering near
the Post Office corner. where he was heard
talking to himself, his remarks containing
suggestions of burglary, arson, and sun
dry other crimes with view of compell-
ing somebody to run him in, and also
savoring strongly of profanity. Finally
he began to strike matches, and Mr.. Hum
phreys calling assistance, he was taken in
charge and Marshal Duffy summoned.
The Marshal declined to appear sending
word that he had been instructed by the
Mayor not to lock any one else in the lock
up that night. This message being re-
ceived the unwelcome guest was conducted
to the residence of Mayor Reed, who was
summoned from his bed, and the case be.
ing stated, the stranger was left in bis
charge and by him placed in the council
chamber for the remainder of the night.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
Accidents nj the Opera House

Last Friday night Daniel G. Cobb was in
the Opera House watching the workmen.
and in leaving the building he descended
the stairway leading from the stage to the
dressing and instead Of going on
down the next stairway to the first floor,
lie opened the outer door at the foot OF
the stage stairs and walked out into space,
falling to the ground distance Of about
eight feet. He was considerably bruised.
On Monday afternoon the workmen were
engaged in taking down the scaffiold in the
audience room and Charles Boon was at
the top of the scaffold removing some
boards when he fell to the floor distance
of about fourteen feet, spraining his ankle.
Edward Wallace, who was underneath.
partly caught him and broke the force OF
his fall, otherwise his injuries might have
proved very serious.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
SwedesborO Templars.

On Saturday evening last Col. hickman,
who was engaged by the Grand Lodge OF
the Independent Order of Good Iemplars,
made short address at the close OF
Mrs. Harpers lecture on Good Iemplary
with view to organizing lodge. After
the meeting was dismissed about forty
names were reported, twenty-five OF whlch
were present and participated in the form,
alton Of Swedesboro Lodge of Good
Templars. The organization OF the lodge
was effected by the election and appoint
mrnt of the following officers;
Chief Templar, B. w. Pierce; zee
TempIar. Mrs. 4. L Batton; Past G. f.
Miss Irene IT. Strattou: Secretary, Harry
S. Kirby: Assistant Secretary, Harry
Guest; Financial Secretary, Warren T.
Pine: Treasurer. Miss Carrie Zippler
Chaplain, Samuel Homau MARSHAL Free
ling Iionan: Deputy Marshal. Walter ,
Baffen; Inside Guard, Miss Mary Batten
Outside Guard. Marcus Cheesman; Il, H.
Support. Miss H. W. Stratton; l.. IL. Sup
port. Miss Emma Kirby; Lodge Deputy
Rev. c. f. Garrison. Three members
were added to the membership on Monday
The charter will remain open limited
time. -Suedesboro Times.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
The Famous Kennedy's.

On Saturday evening next Goth inst.
the people of Lebanon are promised a
performance by one of the brightest and
best comedy companies on the road-the
famous and popular Kennedy's. They are
new names to this section, but the mana
ger assures the Pioneer that they will give
the people the most enjoyable entertain
ment of the kind they ever witnessed.
The company is headed by John ): Ken
nedy, a pleasing young artist and pro-
nounced by all who have seen him the peer
of the noted Nat. Goodwin. Incidental to
the clear and sparkling comedies they pre-
sent, Mr.. Kennedy gives life-like represein-
tations of the acting of John Mccullough,
Lawrence Barrett, Stuart Robson, Tony
Hart George Wilson, George Thatcher ana
Others. The ladies are modest and hand.
some, the wardrobes new and elegant, and
the whole performance, while uproariously
funny, is entirely free from coarseness.
The entertainment is further enhanced by
the singing of Miss Kennedy and Miss
Hassen. both of whom have rare and beau
tiful voices, and the Messrs. Kennedy ap-
near with them in the latest popular songs
of the day.-Le5anon (Pa.) Pioneer.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
MULDooN's PICNIC .
Admission. 20 cents:
.-h "a onv,ss

We notice a circular sent out
by some neighbors, that they
don't own any newspaper to
give to customers as premiums
of goods-neither do they own
any trash that they are anxious
to get rid OF. Just exactly what
they do own, or whether or not
they own anything, they fail to
make mention. We do own, and
have paid for with ourown earn
ings, all we have in possession,
and don't need to set up a lot
terry, with its demoralizing con-
sequences, to boost up our bust
ness, but we do give, one and
all, a discount of 5 per cent. on
their purchases, either in pres
ents or in cash, as the buyer may
elect, and the people seem to
appreciate our methods. We
might probably truthfully add,
that we give away more goods
on some of our busy days, than
some others sell.
We have a good warm ker-
sey sack coat, at $3.50. Just
the thing for rough usage also
mems heavy chinchilla over
coats, at SS.75.
We have bought a PART OF
Ton of fine, pure sugar mixtures
which we propose to sell at &c
cents per pound.
Good assortment of photo
graph albums, at much lower
prices than elsewhere.
Several pieces left OF the
Lupin, all wool, 50 cent French
cashmere, I yard wide, at 57H
cents. All the desirable shades
Our sale of clothing is still
going on in full force-peoplt
more than satisfied with thu
goods and prices. Our discoun
of S per cent, of course, apple
to all our sales in this depart
ment.
f. B. HUMPHREYS & Co,
Woodstown, N. ].
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
Musical Commencement.

The date for the commencement ex-
ercises of the Woodstown Branch of the
Pennsgrove Musical Academy has been
definitely fixed, and this enjoyable affair
Will take place in the new Opera House,
Woodstown, on Wednesday evening, Dec.
Both. 1885. On the following even
ing the commencement of the Pennsgrove
Academy will be held in Odd Fellows
Hall, Pennsgrove.
The West Quartette, favorably known to
those who heard them at their former APP
pearance in our town, have been engaged
for the occasion, and Prof. Adam Geibel
and Miss Maggie Gill, of Philadelphia,
will assist in making this an evening long
to be remembered. We will give further
details as to price of admission, ETC., next
week
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
!Anuselnents.

Raymonds' All-Star Speciality Company
will give the entertainment on New Year S
night, January LIST, 1886.
Harrigan's Hibernian Tourists have Sc
cured the Opera House for the evening of
December 31st.
Watch for the street parade of the Harri-
gan Hibernian company on Dec. 3lst.
when jaunting car with bagplpe music
inside can be seen; also brass band of
eight pieces. On that day a pair of Irish
bagpipes, costing $500 each, will be on ex-
hibition.
The John J. Kennedy Comedy Company,
of New York, one of the best troupes on
the road, are billed to appear in the New
Opera House at Woodstown on Friday and
Saturday evenings, December 18th and
Goth, these being the first performances in
the new hall. The first nights perform
ance is ''Streaks of Fun" being first
class variety entertainment. On the see
ond night ''Muldoons Picnic will be rem
dered.