Connecticut western news., 1885-03-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

belongs to the cat.
 GENERAL SHERMAN is sixty-five, but he kisses like sixty.
 THr editor of a Western paper is laid up from the effects of sampling ten kinds of wedding cake in one week.
 I'm visitors at Washington complain that they couldn't get anything to cat. Yet there was enough jam to satisfy all.
 "SorT WORDS" says n writer of prov erbs, "do not scald the mouth" The average dude ought to have a very cool mouth.
 NEwsPAPER bore to editor: "Do you charge for obituariesp" Editor: "Unu- ally. But will print your own gratis with pleasure" ..a ea.
 Ar the boarding house, Arabella, who. just dotes on butter, has been niok- named "Caterpillar Jones, because sho makes the butter fly. a..
 YouEa mother-"Do you think baby looks most liko me or his father, nuraef" Nurse-"Like you, mum. Mir. Jinks is a mighty handsome man. ...
 WHEN a railroad conductor out West is unsusceptible to influences of any kind they say ''he is barbed wire man" or ''he is wrapped with barbed wire"
 "Tms is the season when tho domes- tic, who has been letting tho furnace go out every other night all wintor, finally gets the hang of it md keeps the family in continual Russian bath"
 "YoU didn't laugh at my stupidity be- fore we were married. You always said I was duck of lover" "Yes. that's so, replied the wife, ''but good duck of lover is always sure to make goose of husband"
 IT is fact susceptible of proof that ninety.nine out of every 100 who go to newspaper offices to kill the editor are themselves killed. After little it will become fashionable to let the editor and the buzz saw alone.
 TaE craze for lady barbera is dying ont. After a man has had his face cut bias, his throat shirred and his hair pompadoured and beon talked to death he naturally returns to the male barber and takes chloroIorm.
 AND he went and dipped himself into the Jordan seven times and was cured. There was q spiritual lesson in the text If we do tho little duties of every day life incumbent upon us, we create the whole Christian character.
 A MAN who started paper in Kansas five years ago is now millionaire In order that all doubts as to the truth of this statement may be allayed, we would explain that he left the paper in month, came North and became plumber.
 A FASHIONABLE young woman was seen in the street one day with her hair combed. Much alarm was felt by her friends until 1t was asoertained that it was only case of absent.mindedneaa The young lady had forgotten to musa it.
 TIE hands of faith never knocked at heaven in vain. No sooner has Moses shown his grievance than God shows him the remedy, yet an unlikely one, that 1t might be miraculous. He that made the waters could have given them any sayor.
 SAYS Frank Jones. the Portsmouth brewer: "It doesn't do to tell the public everything. have been financially 'broke' good many times since people have believed me rich. If this had been known would probably have been digging cellars for living now"
 To RUN a few steps will not get man heated, but walking an hour together may; So though n sudden occasional thought of heaven will not raise our affections to any spiritual heat, yot meditation caR continue our thoughts and lengthen our walk, till our hearts grow warmer. ..
 A LADY advocating woman suffrage recently brought down the house with the following argument, says an eI- change: "I have no vote, but my groom has. I have a great respect for that man in the stables, but am sure, if I were to go to him and say, John, will you exercise the franchisep he would reply, Please, mum, which horse be that 2"
 ONE day, when inc engines wcre flying down a Boston street in response to m alarm of fire, man who was run ming was stopped by m eager citizen in quest of information, who asked hur- riedly of him: "Whats a-fre2 To which the other angrily replied; "What'a a-fire2 Why, something in a state of combustion, you fool Look at your | dictionary ln