Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1885-08-06
Wit AvD HUMoTg.

swered ring at the household tclc-
phone and received tho following ines
sage, clothed in good, rich County
Clare brogue: ''Wad so plaze tell
Mary O'Bricn that Bridget MoCailroy
wants to know is she goin' TO tho wake
tonight" Mary O'Bricn was sum
moned to deliver her answer in per-
son.
An ambitious Galveston doctor was
complaining about tho ingratitude 81
the public toward his profession. Hc
said, bitterly;
Statesmen, generals. artists and
scientists all get monuments erected TO
their memory, but who ever heard Of q
doctor having a monumentp'
"Why, doctor, don't you count those
monuments out in tho churchyardR
Don't they mean anythingP P"-Iexas
Sytiags.
A Galveston lady, who teaches q So
lcct school, in looking over the copy
book of little Sarah Mullins, discovered
an envelope addressed to that little
girl, who Is only eleven years of age.
II hope, Sarah, said the mistrcss,
holding up the envelope, s.that this
does not contain love letter What
are you thinking .aboutp' exclained
Sarah. why | have outgrown |lat
toolishness years and years ago. egse
filings.
Strawberry shortcake ranges abo0k
as usual this year, from tho heavy
rieties to the light, fluffy specimens
that taste like dreams of sweetness aud
deliciousncss. The crop Is now gettinQ
nearer and nearer 70 rs, advancing
from Florida over the country. and all
ready the straw berry festival has open
ed tho season. The cake is painting
for its tender layers and will soon
smother with whipped cream the best
assorted natives grown not too far
away.-Boston Journal.
At Lafayette, a day or two since,
Judge Boise was seated between two.
honest grangcrs, such as he imagines
himself to be. One Of them was read
ing the Oreg0nid9, and turning to the
Judge, he said: 1.-THE thunder cloud of
war looks very dark in the eastern po-
litical horizon "Ycs," said the
judge, ''the clouds leok very black.
''Well, judge, said the second farmer,
who had only half comprehended tho
matter under discussion, Eve need
rain. - Portland OregoBton.
"You ought to have your baby bap-
tizcd, 'Rastus, said member Of the
church to colored father.
"Yes, sab, but can't afford do
cost."
II doesn't cost anything
IL know 1t doesn't cost nuthin' 70
de mere act of baptism, sab, but yo'
see | owe dc minister 81 for perfo' min
de weddin' ccr'mony q yeah ago, an
he mought object, sab, to baptizn' q
baby dat hadn't never been paid TO-.
--AesO Orleans Times Democrat
"You have not put down whore you
came from, remarked an Austin hotel
clerk to a ncwly-arrived stranger, who
had registered himself and wife.
That's so, and / don't propose to put
down where we came from. replied
the stranger, who was on his bridal
tour. What is tho reason you
don't register the name OF the
place you live at9" asked tho clerk.
Because If | put down that we are
from Chicago everybody will think that
we arc not married. The clerk smiled
incredulousiy, and dropped the SUBJ
ject.--1ezas Sytissgs.
First Elderly Maiden. How do you
like the new ministerp" Second Ed
erly Maiden-ssO, ever so much His
sermons are so beautifully worded.
Don't you like him?' First u. NJ.
''Not very well; his whiskcrs arc SO
straggly, you know, and he doesn't
wear any mustache. Second j. NJ
II was SO interested in his sermon /
didn't notice how he looked. BY tho
way, they say he is single man.
First E. M.-sM'm, m'ml Did vou
notice what splendid eyes hc had? lie
seems to be just the man we want:.
don't you think sop
lie Couldn't Sea- gentleman Who
had once been member Of the Texas
Legislature was arrcstedaiA Houston
for theft Said the Justice 50 the cul-
prit: You were not satisfied 70 eat d
dinner at the mans restaurant without
paying Tor it. but you went off with
the caster and spoons besides. = That's
50, your Honor, but took the caster
and spoons from honest motiYes.'
Honest motives9'r eyes, I wanted to
pawn them, SO ! could raise money 10
pay for the dinner Secg" The JUS
tee somehow failed to see it. Iexas
6ffkiu0s
There are twenty largo glucose es-
iabIishments located in seven different
states. with an invested capital 0E oV6f
e10. poo, UU0, and capacity 20 consume
6l 600 bushels Of corn a day niyinn
"a oxgnent 70 575 workaeil pslyin0
s25o. $50 il wages oDsuni-
- z03, COO worth oK materials, and
welding nroIHrk worth NIQ 2T8T0Y