The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-08-29
such plug-ugly as you to marry my
mother2 Why, I'd have to call you
out early every morning."

out early every morning..
"What for?''
"To take your whipping"
q would take better man than you
to whip me, Dan Collins"
eyes, that's what you think, but
whenever you feel like trying your hand,
just come over, and will give you a
few touches that will show you who's
in the field"
"Dan, blowing amounts to nothing
but say, if whip you fairly-whip you
until you are satisfed-will then agree
that if marry your mother you will be-
have yourself?"
eyes"
"All right. Let's see. Suppose that
we give each other trial next Satur-
day."
"I'm willing"
"Shall it be private?"
"No we want to invite all the neigh.
bors.."
"All right, and to make the thing
more binding, we'll have the papers
drawn up, stating the object of the con-
test. These articles of agreement shall
be read before the contest begins, and
judges from the crowd shall be selected. "
"That suits me-"
The arrangements were completed.
The neighborhood was greatly excited.
Hundreds of temporary benches, form
ing an arena, were constructed. AL
though the crops were ''laid by" peo-
pie from all parts of the country focked
to see the combat. The village band,
composed of three fiddlers, two banjo
pickers and the agitator of triangle,
took an assigned position and soothed
the crowd with sweet symphonies. Bill
had cordially invited Professor Jasper,
but the professor, declaring that such
scenes was bore to him, declined.
Time was called. Handkerchiefs aut-
tered. Everything bore a tremulous
aspect. Bill was dressed in red fan
mel shirt and closely-ftting pair of
cottonade trousers. Dan wore a hick-
ory shirt and nankeen trousers.
The band played "Nigger on the
Wood Pile," an inspiring tune, and
then the combat began. Both young
men capered in the agile movement of
improved science. Bill caught Dan
under the jaw, but quickly recovering
himself, Dan knocked Bill down. Then
there was dancing in imperious haste.
The combatants flew at each other, but
neither one could secure a conquering
advantage. At last, however, Dan got
Bill down and bumped his devoted
head against the face of the earth. Bill
modestly remarked that he had enough
for one time only. Dan let him get up,
and the judges announced that the
widows son had gained the victory.
"Mrs. Collins" said Bill, when the
crowd had dispersed, "I am in hard
luck. If my arms were as strong as my
love, I would have knocked Dan over
into an adjoining township"
"Don't despair, Bill"
OiI, NOW, -tI.;.-o, -l--11 Iarote
myself to study and will try him again. "
When Bill went to his room he saw,
with the eye of an artist, that the sand
bag picture of Dan was not correct.
The first thing he did was to wash of
the incorrect lines. Then he drew an
other picture, in which he gave partic-
ular prominence to the nose, remember
ing that Dams nasal feature was of more
than ordinary size. The next day Bill
called upon Professor Jasper.
"Professor," said he, "I was down
ed"
81 am sorry, Billie, but we must try
it again"
"Professor, don't see how it is that
an uninstructed man can use his ham
mers so disastrously."
"Main strength, Billie. Main strength
can hold out for while, but it must
finally give under. Pay me what yor
owe and take dozen more lessons.
Bill paid the professor and again sub
mitted to rigid training. He learned
many new dives and, after while
thought that his science could certainly
overcome Dams strength. He SEN
Dan note stating that he desired
fight at an early day. Dan replied a.
follows:
"My dear unprospective step-father
I whipped you once and 1 can whip yol
again. I am willing to give you every
possible chance and will do anything
for you except let you whip me. Fo
this lack of gallantry 1 earnestly beg
you to excuse me-"
Bill raved when he read the note
and, going into his room, mauled th'
sandbag.
w.
The time for another battle was ap
pointed. The crowd was even large
than the crowd which first assembled
The band, with the addition of coor
skin tambourine, made thrilling music
This time Bill wore a blue shirt. Hi
step was firm, his courage indomitable
Dan smiled upon the young ladies ant
declared that he was confident of sue
cess. Bill, remembering the words o
the professor, felt happy. He knev
that uncultivated strength could no
long stand up against science.
When time was called each man step
ped proudly into the arena. Bill caugh
sight of the widows face. A great hop
swelled within him.
Bill aimed a blow at Dams nose
Dan dogded, jumped, wheeled his lie!
around and knocked Bill down. Bill
scrambled to his feet and seized Dan
Then, as they waltzed in great hurry
the band played "Hail Jerusalem
Home" Bill fell, but unwilling to &C
knowledge defeat, he squared himsel
and again entered the encounter. Da
moved around with grace that SUI
prised every one. The muscles on hi
arms bulged out the sleeves of his shirt
At an auspicious time Bill knocked hir
down, but before the advantage coul'
be seized, he sprang to his. feet and CAV
Bill blow that brought to view man
stars hitherto undiscovered. The au
dience became almost frantic with eX