Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-04-03

SttS llO tlIll Ia avg ''
we ether-if you have them to spar.
A new future has been opened for the
useful but not ornamental hen. In the
gold regions of the West she is set scratch
| ing where gold is supposed to le and
after certain period, is killed and her
craw examined. As much as IS worth of
the pre- cous metal is said to have been
found in one case.
"When ! want my children to mind"
said Popinjay, 81 don't stop to explain the
reasons to 'em. just put my foot down,
and that's the end of it." ooh, well, D." re
sponded Blobson, absent-mndedly chat
covers the ground, of course there is no
need for explanation
"Can cat come down n tree head
first ~ asks writer on natural history.
Certainly, we have seen them do it; but
then, we had a gun along.
Vassar College girls recently gave
theatrical performance, in which the
males were distinguished from the females
/ by having handkerchiefs tied around their
arms We wonder why girls always use
this symbol to represent masculinityy Is
it to suggest shirt-sleeves
An exchange says Orchard Critchett
of Darlington, n. H., who is now in his
ninety-siXth year, walks perfectly
straight" We conclude that Richard is Il
cold water man.
Forty-fve chickens were recently stolen
from II hennery in Pennsylvania town.
a Lime Kiln club has probably been or
ganzed there.
A San Francisco dentist is said to have lost
one of his instruments down the throat of
Il young lady upon whose teeth he was
operating. Having lately come from the
East, he did not realize what big mouths
San Francisco girls have.
For private circulation only-the blood.
"Why We Laugh"-because we have
secured the Turkish mission.
Speaker Carlisle never begins a new I'M
dertaking ON Friday. Thuysday night is
his club night.
George Riddle of Carroll county, Mo-.
has twenty-five daughters. lie lives Just
on the outskirts of civilization, and when
ever a dressmaker locates within 25 miles
he moves further into the woods.
Six New Haven, Conn, churches are to
have male cboirs after May l. They have
stood the gigglng just about as long as
they can.
'Liquor strengthens the voice. says
great tenor. This may be. 1t certainly
Strengthens the breath - PhUudclphi0
can.
A distinguished fellow townsmln is 60
ing to settle down in Texas. 1t would be
very gratifying to his many friends if he
would settle up in Binghihhton.-Bm
hdmton Republican.
The President surprised everybody by
hiring a pew in DR.. Sunderland's church.
Some Sunday he will again surprise every
body by occupying it.-LOtreu courier.
A woman who has taken in sewing for
couple of years to support her lazy and
drunken husband, says it is surprising
that the Board of Health has not had her
indicted for maintaining Il nuisance. u
i NOrristOCn Herdld.
An Ohio girl has been discovered who
has been working about stable for three
years. disguised as a boy. But don't
blame her, poor thing in a State where
all the males are absent upon government
business, somebody must do mans work
at hOme.-ijoStOn Transcript.
Thieves are afraid of New Orleans dark.
ness. They never know when they may
stumble over sleeping policeman-Picu-
ytnc.
Miss Louisa NJ. Alcott is said to be still
suffering from the writer's cramp. We
lllOu8lll lllt writer CTulllp WAS usually Ill
his pocket.-BOStOn Post
Wade Hampton has been confined for
several days by rheumatism in his wooden
leg He is said to suffer twinge every
time II South Carolina mule kicks.
Miss Parvenu Il was almost sorry,
mamma, that you spoke so rudely to that
poor little Mrs. wilkins"
Mamma: well, my dear, pray where
is the satisfaction of being in the first So
ciety if you cannot snub those who are
out of it ?"-Lue.
Fashionable wife-"Did you notice. dear,
at the party last evening, how grandly our
daughter Clara swept into the room ~
Husband with a grunD-"Oh, Clara can
sweep into room grandly enough, but
when it comes to sweeping out room she
isn't there. n-NelC York sun.
The minister, last Sunday morning, had
preached very long, parched sermon on
the creation of man, and one little girl in
the congregation was utterly worn ont.
After the services, she said to her mother:
Mamma, were we all made of dust ~
Certainly, my child"
THE preacher, too ~
''Of course. Why did you think he was
not made like the rest Of us ~
"Oh, because he so awfully dry, mamma
don't see how the Creator could make
him stick together. "-MerchdntTraueller.
The boy whose hair is cut by his mother
seldom takes off his hat when there are
any girls around.-N. Y. JOurndl
John Kelly has gone to Atlantic City
foI his health. Human nature is much
the same, wherever You find it. Even
Mr.. Kelly does for his own health what he
has never been willing to do for the health
of New York Boston Transcript
John Traynor, who set out last Septem-
Der to sail across the ocean III dory, has
not been heard of since, and is given up
for lost. The fact that he WIS not accom-
panied by dog materially lessons the
horror of the catastrophe. -NorriStOWn
HCrdld
a Brooklyn clergyman says that liquors
may soon be sold in skating Kinks and
then 1.-THE result will be disastrous" 10
! be sure. a drunken man has enough
trouble trying to keep in an upright posi-
ton even on his feet.-BOstOH Post.
She referring to the light)-"Which do
you prefer, MIR. p, gas or oil =" IIe-"Ah.
, WEAKLY, ii you'll excuse me, Ivepwomised
not to take anything till after Lent
Hd}pCr'S BdzdT,
A of