Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-03-26
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
" There isn't button on this shirt"
disnally observed the young husband,
shaking the garment before his wife's
eyes. I'm sorry, my love IL might
have been remedied II had had time. )"
Why, you've got nothing to do. What
DO you mean by saying II you had had
time 2" - mean to say that If there
had been no occasion for mo TO trim
over last years spring bonnet for this
springs wear would have had time to
look after your Clothes"
One afternoon q stranger, observing
a stream Of people entering . church,
approached man OF gloomy aspect
who was standing near the entrance,
and asked is this q funeral p"
Funeral? No." was the sepulchral
answer Its wedding" Excuse
me, ;" added the stranger, "but thought
from your serious look that you might
be- hired mourner." No." replied
the man, with q weary far off look in
his eyes, " I'm a son in law of the
brides mother"
A Grateful Husband" OF all the
operations ever performed" remark
ed distinguished surgeon, none
ever gave more satisfaction than one |
performed about a year ago on lady"
May ask the nature of her
trouble" said his companion. She
WAS suffering from y cancerous ton
que" Ibid you cut out the cancer"
No; cut off the tongue" And
she expressed her gratitude?" "Oh,
no; It was her husband who was CRATE
full"
" There's no use talking, I'm going
TO get married." said q bachelor to a
married acquaintance the other day
| ~hile busiiy engaged in sewing.
Here 1 have worked just twenty
minutes 10y the watch trying To get THE
needle threaded, and then just a.
succeeded, | pulled the thread out
Finally got it threaded, and now
after sewing on this hutton fast AND
strong, l find I've got II on the wrong
side, and have my work all to dc
over again"
There Is something about youl
daughter. Mr.. Wanhhop SAID reflec
lively There il something about YOU
daughter-' YES" said old MIR
Thistlepod, there S.; have noticed il
myself 1t cones every night abou
| Cikhb " Clo'hJ ~ wv OIL w dWdl
usually till about eleven o'clock. ADo
some OF these evenings J am going u
lift 1t all the way from the front parlo
TO the side gate, and sec what there i
in it"
"What do you think, George" salt
bride of five months 10 her husband
last night dreamed was a younl
girl again, going to school, aud wlthou
| al ,ul. 7 halt I
dreams. DO you think that il an un
fortunate dream?" "Wel," rep!ie,
; the husband, "ihe only thing unfortu
nate about the dream il that it ain
true" The bride relates no NOR
dreams TO her husband.
Awkward.-Miss Daisy Green ha
just been introduced to Jones, and tn
two are conversing Daisy says :"Whs
Mr.. Jones only look at that frightfu
: girl in the door way" 81 can't hel
!, thinking she is not 30 bad looking 9
the awkward stick who Ia talking I
: her," replied Jones. 1.-THE awkwar
) stick is my brother !" "The frightfl
girl is my sister -
New at the business "A marie
, couple were promenading in the sui
urbs. Presently the wife said: 'eTbinl
Albert, If the brigands should come no
and take me from you" "Impossibl
!. my dear" but supposing they di
Is come and carry me away, what woul
you say 2" should say" replied Il
}, husband, "that the brigands were ne
D. at the business. That's all"
5, A critic dropped into o studio
., Paris one day, stopped before the pc
, trait of a lady on an easel, and remar
ed: 1t ia very nicely painted b
70 why did you take such an ugly mo
el?" at ia my mother" calmly l
piled the artist. "Oh, pardon thor
- and times!" said the critic. in gre
confusion. ." You are right ; / ought
o, have perceived it; it resembles y
=. exactly"
A Titusville man with some proper
and a remarkable pretty daughter b
invented a very neat design in p'
suaders called the torpedo boot. 1t
q charge of nitroglycerine in its u
and decorating cap on the Outsit
10 When it strikes under the coat tail
a sutton it il said to lift the young IN
into three adjoining counties.
n. Exhausting a wife.-Maine husban
have trick with laxative wives.
n, man tells his wife that he ia going
:. Ausapguuatansogow mongotongo to fiji
a. He then requests all his friends to C
at the house and inquire as to
IS whereabouts. When he returns {
poor woman il exhausted and does
speak again for month.
Home charities" Madam" he begs
as he lifted his hat at the front do
l am soliciting for bone chariti
We have hundreds of poor, ragged, a
a. visoious children like those at yo
"a gate, and our object is"
90 those are my own children - she
~ terrupted and the front door WAS v
o. lently slammed.
80 Mother: What do you mean
~ introducing me to Mr.. Brown as "
GO 90 aunt % Daughter Forgive I
' mother, but Mr.. Brown seems to be
the point of proposing, and it would
~ do to run any risk just now, you knt
~ He has a strong prejudice agai
rs mothers in law"
A young man who took his affian'
~ to hear Nilsson MARBLE her sweet
~ songs, asked the young lady how
Pae liked the singers repertoire. "V
a. much indeed. ] think 1t fits her bea,
10 full |" was the surprising reply.