Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-23

! Tor tne compensation tney get Inere arr
more lazy ministers, lawyers doctors, mer
chants, artists and farmers than have eve
been counted upon. Community is full o
lagerds and. sbirkers. | can tell it from
the way they crawl along the street, from
their tsrdtnes in meeting engagements
from the lethargies that seem TO hang The
foot when they lift it, to the hand whel
they put it up, TO the words when the!
speak.
TWO YOUNG MEN N STORE.
In the morning the one goes to mis- post tn,
last minute or one minute behind. Th,
other ten minutes before the time and hai
his hat and coat hung up ready for duty
The one is ever and anon in the afternoon
looking at his watch to see ifit is not n os
time to shut up. The other stsys half al
hour after be might 60, snd when asked
why, says he wanted to look over some en-
tries he had made to be sure he WAS right
or to put up some goods that had been lef
out OF place. The one is ever pupclillious
about doing work not exactly belonging tc
him. The other is glad 10 help the other
clerks in their work. The first Will be
a prolonged nothing and he will be poorer
at sixty than at twenty. The other will be
q merchant prince,
Incidence is the cause OF more failures
in all occupations than you have ever sus,
pected. People are too lazy TO do what
they can do, and want 10 undertake that
which they cannot do. In the drama Of
lite they don't want TO be a common sol.
dier carrying q hslberd across the stage,
or talconer or q mere attendant, and go
Ioupge about the scenes till they shall be
called to be q Macready or Junius Brutus
Booth. They say Give me the part Of
Timou Of Athens rather than that of Fla,
vius bis steward? Let me be Cymbeline,
the king, rather than Pisano, the servant.
After while they by some accident Of
prosperity or circumstances, get in the
place for which they have no qualification.
And very soon, il the man be a merchant,
he is going around asking his creditors to
compromise for ten cents on the dol
lor. Or, if a clergyman, he ia making
TRADES against the iugratitude Of churches
Or if an attorney by unskiliful manage,
ment he loses case in which widows AID
orphans are robbed Of their portion. Or,
I if a physician, he by NAL praltice gives his
patient rapid transit from this world to the
next, as the clumsy surgeon of Charles ii,
king OF Navarro, having sewed up the fee
BILE mbs OF the king in sheet soaked Of
inAammable material, and having no knife
to cut the thread, took candle to burn of
the thread, and the bandsges took fire and
consumed the king. Our incompetent
friend would have made splendid horse
doctor, but he wanted to be professor Of
anatomy in a university. He could have
sold enough confectionery TO hava support
ed his family, but he wanted 10 have q
sugar refinery like the Havemeyers. he
could have mended shoes, but he wanted
to merd the constitution of the United
States Toward the end o. life these pee
pie aIe out of patience, out OF money, out
( OF friends, out Of everything. They 20 10
the poorhouse or keep out Of it BY running
! in debt to ell the grocery and dry goods
stores that will trust them. People begin
TO wonder when the curtain will drop en-
the scene. After awhile, leaving nothing
but their compliments to pay their doctor,
undertaken and Gabriel Gruob, the grave
digger, they disappear. Exeunt Kissed
off the stage! m
DEMONSTRATED sELFISHNEss.
They make all the rivers empty into the
ses. ell the roads OF emolulnent end at
/ their door, and they gather all the plumes
of honor for their brow. They eIpno one,
encourage no one, rescue no one. How
big a pile of money can | get? How
much OF the world can absorb? are the
chiefouestions. They feel about the COM
mon people as the Turks felt towards the
Assbi, or common soldiers, considering
them of no use except to fill up the ditches
with their dead bodies while the other
troops walked over them to take the fort.
After while this prince of worldly success
is sick. Tie only interest society has in
his illness is the money markets. After q
while he dies. Great newspaper capitals
announce how he atarted with nothing and
ended with everything. Although
FOR SAKE or APPEARANCE
some people put handkerchief 10 the eye
there is Lot one genuine tear shed be
tween Central Park and the Battery or be
tween Brooklyn Heights aud Brooklyn Hid
The heirs sit up all night while be lies II
state, discussing what the cid fellow hal
probobly done with his money. 1t take
all the livery stables within two miles t.
furnish funeral equippsge, and all tn
mourning stores are kept busy in selling
weeds Of grief. The s;onecutters senC
proposals for a monument. The mlnlste
a. the obsequies reads Of the Resurrection
which make the hearers fear that il tn
unscrupulous fancier does come up in tn
general rising be will try to get corne
on tombstones and graveyard fences al
good men are glad the moral nuisance hs
; been removed. The Wall street specula
tors are glad because there is more room
for themselves. The heirs are glad be
cause they get possession Of the long delay
ed Inheritance. Dropping every feaihe
r Of all his plumes, every certificate OF a
> his stock, every bond Of all his investment
r every dollar of all his fortune, he departs
and all the rolling Of Dead March in Sau
snd all the psgesntry Of his intermen
D and all the exquisitene:s Of ssrcophsgu'
? and all the extravsgsnce Of epitaphOiog
: cannot hide the fact that my text has com
9 again to tremendous fulfllnent: "Me
o shall clap their hands at him and sha
/ hiss him ont Of the place"
q You sec.
: THE CLAPPIyG CONES BEFORE The HISS.
!. The world cheers before it damrs. So
& is said, tie deadly asp tickles before
. stings. Going up is he1 Hurrahi Stan
: back aud let bis gslloppiDg horses dash B.
: q whilrlxind Of plated harness aud tinl
= ling headgesr and arched neck Drin
|, deep Of his madeira and cognac. Boa
> Of how well you know him. All hats Q
!, as he passes. lssk fer days and years
= the sunlight Of his prosperity. Coin
! down is be? Pretend 10 be neartighled I
!. that you cannot see him as he walks pas
When men ask you if Joa know hin, hs
and hesitate as though you we're trying