Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-04-17
scam extreme in anything but my
ueeply-sooted objection to the gentle

sex. sNn'A0
! was almost wholly alone in the
world. A few distant cousins who
previous to Aunt James leuaev. had
managed to struggle along very COM
lortaoly without the slightest official
memoranda of my circumstances and
posltion IN life, We're positively all the
1elatlves ! had to grapple with now
tnat good fortune had run me- down.
circumstance upon which I had con-
gratulated myself times without num-
per. Fol what is SO irritating and per-
picking to a quiet, simple, ~easy-going
1ellow u K myself as a small army of
uncles who are full of good advice in
regard to the investment of ones
money, nieces and nephews who are
anxious to solve the problem bv bor-
rowing ones surplus cash and never
returning it, and a phalanx of deter
mined aunts who Jointly and s~everally
feel it their bounden duty to marry one
on to q good advantage at the earliest
opportunity I firmly believe that the
strongest emotion 1 had ever exper-
fenced up to date was a feeling of pro-
found gratitude that Providence had
bestowed upon me but n Aunt Jane
who, l have every reason to believe,
disapproved of me as heartily as l did
OF her, and only left me her money
because, on account of its inhammaBle
nature, she was unable to take it with
her.
In my habits I was methodical, even
precise. At my room I always knew
exactly where to find my pipe, being
perhaps somewhat assisted by the fact
that it was usually between my lips;
and l never made q practice of pitch
ing my boots to opposite points Of the
compass, NOR was l obliged to disinter
my slipper from the gloomy shades of
the wood-box while the other Iurked
sulkily behind the cobweb draperies
under the washstand. When my meer-
schaum wa off duty I smoked good
cigars imported by my special orders,
r~eserving those lavshed upon me by
generous commercial travellers for use
when it became necessary to 'tset 'em
up" to my enemies.
In my business relations I was pune
tllious but not enthusiastic. I did my
duty thoroughly; but I made it a point
of honor not to do any more. That
my employers were conservative also
vas a fact that afforded me much sat-
isfaction, and that they preferred
quiet, unostentatious service, we'll
bandaged with red tape, and did not
appear to appreciate violent and ir-
regular efforts, even in their own in
terest, was q matter for further self
congratulation. That I had served
them faithfully a dozen years or more
vas little or nothing-I had been paid
for it. l did not desire to be singled
out of the crowd for embarrassing
honors, nor had | any reason to appre-
bend such a calamity. There were
dozens of middle-aged men who had
pursued the beaten track of their
everyday duties for twenty-five and
thirty years, and were hardly known
to their employers by name unless
they had been brought into rromi-
hence by some trlfing neglect of duty.
I did not pine to form the acquaintance
of my superiors through tho medium
of a "bulled" message or q deviation
from the rules governing the use of
green signals.
All l asked was to be let alone, and
as I performed my work quietly and
gave no reason for complaint they had
hitherto allowed me the full need of
my desire.
Ispeak of all this to show what my
life had been up to this time. / desire
to impress you with the conviction
that I was perfectly satisfied with my
lot and asked but one boon-the con-
tinuance of my past tranquility.
Now, it seems to mo that it would
have been much less trouble to the Re-
ceiver of Destinies if my petition had
been taken under advisement and no.
tice given that existing conditions
would remain in force until further
orders. But instead, an entirely new
schedule of life and it's governing regu-
lations was prepared, taking effect
from date. Can it be that there was
that lifted it's crushed head and clam
ored for a larger percentage of happi-
ness in the pool of existence-a cry of
which l was not even cognizant at the
time?
The dying of the old year is very
properly the breaking-up season of
whatever old pools and worn-out agree
ments are sufficiently strained to war
rant their total demolition; and 80 it
came to pass that Just about this sea-
son my old time-card vas withdrawn
and I received orders to run wild" on
a strange track with o petticoat pilot
and a stoker afflicted with a chronic
and maddening shuttle. l trust you
will excuse this igurative speech, which
I will explain presently. The clothing
of my ideas in a garb of professional
metaphor is a defect | have eve been
able to wholly overcome. But to on
1t was on the 5th of January, as I
happen to remember, having just come
off victorious IN a struggle with my
monthly balance-sheet; and l had
draped one rickety stool and two an
gular wooden chairs with carefully dis
tributed portions of my anatomy and
settled down to solid comfort and a
new and peculiarly soothing, but at the
same time exhilerating brand, for which
1 had paid such an exorbitant price
that Aunt Jane would certainly have
been excusable for squirming in her
oofHn Of INV travaoanc YOu will