The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-08-11
A SHREWD DECEPTION.
THE REMARKABLE POWERS OF COL.
ATlANTUS PINDERGRASS.
The Colonel Invites Home an Old Friend
"A Matter of Personal Introduction
Somewhat Overdone-Conceal-
ing An Unpleasant Fact.
GArkansaw Traveller


[Arkansaw Traveler.l
One day, after deep meditation, the prince
of Orange remarked to Bentinck: ITO the
ravages Of strong drink the human system
resorts to various resistances yielding versa
tile results" This remark, although it en-
bodies no particular philosophy, either in
ductive, syllogfstic or reconstructive, has
caused much comment.
1t is true that there is great difference
in men, concerning the power of resistance
against the influence of strong drink, and
although no man wholly escapes, yet some
mon while struggling under the eff
feet OF liquor, can completely de-
ceive q beholder. There is Col Atlantus
Pindergrass, for instance. II you did not
know that he was drunk you would not
think that he had been drinking. He has
way Of standing on the tiptoe Of such polite
ness, a way of saying such pleasant and APP
propriate things, that his intoxication is
hidden under IA bushel Of agreeableness.
The other day Mr.. Martinhead went home
with the colonel. The colonel, his wife and
Mr.. Martinhead were sitting in the parlor
when Miss Sallie Pummel, old
maid who had entered her 39th
volume, called. The colonel pre-
sented his friend. and, satisfied with the
success of his sober pretense, he leaned
back and smiled. Then he began to think
about something and. the thought that his
two visitors had not been presented,
Cured to him.
"Ah, Miss Pummel, allow mo to introduce
my friend, Mr.. Martinhead.
ave have met" replied Miss Pcmmel
"Ah. 1 didn't know that you were
quainted"
The colonel's wife cleared her throat
with a sharp rasp of irritation. The colonel
continued: II have thought for some time
tbatT TO- 70 hoo
quainted, but it never occurred to me that
you old friends"
Colonel, let me see You n moment" said
Mrs. Pndergrass. drawing her husband into
an ad joining ROOM
"What's the matter with you!" she asked.
Nothing"
"Nothing, tho mischief. You are drunk"
drunk" he repeated contemptuously
"Oh, of course. a man just gets drunk on
the atmosphere"
Then assuming an air of injured innocence
the colonel went on: HAS it come to thisa
Do you want to insult me2 What have l
doneP
"Why, just look how you acted about in
Producing"
ooh, l see," said the colonel, with bright
ming change of countenanc at my
alta mere matter of forgetfulness."
Then. stepping into the parlor, the colo
si said: Miss Pummel, allow me to pre-
- Mr.. Martinhead."
Miss Pummel and arc acquainted" re-
pi 4 Mr.. Martinhead.
Tint 50! Why, let me assure you that
d. t ka0w it. Introducing you to an old
fl aA my, that's good joke, haw haw-
cap'za. JOKE. he, he. Wife, let me see you
a Fujn,Ite'
you've got me into a pretty fix" said the
colonel, when his wife had followed him into
tile adj joining room. "TOld me those folks
was not acquainted. You ought to be par
ticular a bout such things"
"You ought to be killed." his wife indig
nantly snap ed.
"WLat have donea'
"You good for nothing thing, you have
made yourself ridiculous. You are the most
despicable man | ever saw"
"Tll be COMPOUNDED if can understand
you"
"You are too drunk to understand any
thing, you brute "
Look here am tired Of being insulted."
The colonel wheeled around and went back
into the parlor, where he proceeded to make
himself agreeable and to disguise the fact
that Ee had been drinking anything.
"Why," he said, show many surprises
there are in store for us. We meet people every
day. and then. when we least expect it, they
surprise Why, il any one had told me-
Martinhead, that you had gone to school
to Miss Pummel, 1 would not have believed
it."
He didn't go to school to me-" snapped
Miss Pummel.
"Ah, that my understanding. Oh,
it was you who went to school to Martin
head"
"No, SIR" interposed Martinheai.
'OL. you simply went to school together.
YsS. got it mike I, but not much do
like to SEQ ol friend maet each other. Let's
see, I've known Martinhead for ton years,
Miss Pummel, but not until to-day did |
know that he was old friend of yours
no, not until to-day
Mr.. Martinhead. pleading the sudden roc
objection of urgent business, withdrew, and
Miss Pummel not desiring To remain after
her old frieni had gone, soon took her leave
The colonel, not long afterwari tumbled
into be L. When he awoke next III )rning he
remembered nothing except that he had de-
ceived his wife.
"A man wanted me to take drink with
him yesterday, but wouldn't do it," said
he
His wife did not reply
"By the way, our friend Martinhead
would have come home with me yesterday
but couldn't get off"
Yes, some men have a way of cOnce aling
the fact that they are drunk
A Coming Ode.