The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1885-01-21

zoe. AT last, being unable 10 Dear ll, !
or in fact conceal it longer, / made |
known my condition to my comrade. |
We turned our faces homeward, and by
the time London was reached and the |
long journey at an end, everything to
me was blurred, dim and obscure. l
could Just see, that was ALI
/ flew to the eminent oculist's. He
was out of town. Had been i'll. even at
the point of death He would not be
back for two months, nor would he see
any patient until his health was quite
restored.
l had pinned my faith upon this man
No doubt there we're as skilful oculists
in London. Paris, or other capitals; but
it was my fancy that, if was to be saw
ed, / could only be saved by Mr.. Jay.
DYING men are allowed their whims;
even the felon about to be hanged can
choose his own breakfast, so / had an
undoubted right to choose my own sur
geon. L resolved to wait in darkness
until Mr.. Jay returned to his duties.
/ was foolish. / had better have trust
ed myself in other clever hands. Be
fore month was over | had lost all
hope, at the end of six weeks ] was al
most distracted. Blind. blind, Blind /
should be blind fOreyeri So entirely
had lost heart that / began TO think l
ed at all. Why fly against fate? For
the rest of my life / was doomed to dark
ness. The subtlest skill. the most deli
cate hand, the most modern appliances
would never restore the light | had lost.
For me the world was at an end.
Now that you know the cause, can
you not imagine me, after weeks of
darkness. broken in spirit, and, as / lay
sleepless that night, almost wishing that
the alternative refused by Job-tO curse
God and die-were mine? If you are
unable to realize my condition, read the
above to any one who has lost his sight.
He will tell you what his feelings were
when the calamity first came upon him.
He will understand the depths of my
wool
| was not left entirely alone in my
| trouble. Like Job, | had cOmforters;
| but, unlike EliphaZ and Company, they
were goOd-hearted fellows who spoke
with cheerful conviction as to the GER
tainty of my recovery. l was not so
grateful for these visits as II should have
been. hated the thought of any one
seeing me in my helpless condition. Day
by day my frame of mind grew more
and more Responding and morbid.
Ny best friend of all was a humble
one; Priscilla Drew, an old and trusted
servant of my mothers. She had known
me from earliest childhood. When l
| returned to England / could not bear
the thought of trusting my helpless self
entirely to a strangers care, so | wrote
to her and begged her to come to me. /
could at least grOan and lament before
her without feeling shame. She came,
wept over me for awhile, and then, like
a sensible woman, bestirred herself to
| do all she could to mitigate the hard
| ships of my lot. She found comfortable
| lodgings. installed her troublesome
| charge therein, and day and night was
| ever at his beck and call. Even now. as
| / lay awake and tossing in mental an
| guish, she was sleeping on an extern
| ported bed Just outside the folding
doors, which opened from my bedroom
| to the sitting-room.
1t WAS sitting night in August. The
sluggish air which crept in through the
| open window made little perceptible
| difference in the temperature of my
| room. Everything seemed still, hot,
| and dark. The only sound | could hear
was the regular breathing of the sleep
er behind the door, which she had left
an inch or two ajar in order that she
might catch my faintest call. I had
gone early to bed. What had to wait
up for now? 1t was sleep and sleep
alone which brought forgetfulness, but
tonight sleep refused to come to me. i
struck my repeater. | had bought one
in order that / might, at least, know the
time. The little bell told me that ii
was just past one O'Clock. Craving for
sleep sighed and sank back upon my
pillow.
Presently a sudden fierce longing to
be out of doors came over me. 1t was
night-very few people would be about.
There was a broad pavement in front of
the row of houses in one of which |
lodged. Up and down this might walk
in perfect safety. Even if | only sat on
the doorstep it would be better than ~
ing in this close hot room. tossing from
side to side unable to sleep.
The desire took such full possession
of me that | was on the point of calling
old Priscilla and making her aware of
it; but knowing she was sleeping sound
ly, | hesitated. l had been unusually
restless, cross and eXacting during the
day, and my old nurse-Heaven reward
money. Why should disturb her? Let
me begin to learn to help myself like
Others in my wretched plight. | had al
ready acquired this much, to dress with
out assistance. If | could now do this
and leave the room unheard, 1 could |
felt sure, grope my way to the front
door, let myself out, and, whenever |
chose, return by the aid of the latchkey.
The thought of even temporary indie
pendence was attractive, and my spirits
rose as | resolved to make the attempt.
| crept softly from my bed, and slow
ly but easily dressed myself, hearing all
the while the sleeper's regular breath
ing. Then, cautious as thief, stole
to the door which led from my bedroom
to the landing. ! opened il without
noise and stood on the thick carpet out
side, smiling as | thought of the Sleep
er's dismay If she awoke and discovered
my absence. / closed the door. then,
guiding myself by the balustrade, passed
lightly down the stairs and reached the
street door without accident.
There were other dodgers in the house.
among them young men who came in
at all hours, so. the door being always
left on the latch, had no bolts to CON
tend with. In moment ! was on the
doorstep, with the door behind me clos
ed.
| stood for short time irresolute. al
most trembling at my temerity. This
was the first time had ventured be-
yond the house without a guiding hand
to trust to. Yet l knew there was moth
ing to fear. The street--a quiet one
was deserted. The pavement was broad.
could walk up and down without let
or hindrance, guiding myself, after the
manner of other blind persons, by tap
ping my stick against the curbstone or
the ratings. Still | must take few
precautions to enable me to ascertain
my latitude and longitude at will.
came down the four steps which led
from the front door, turned myself to
the right, and, by aid of the line of rail-
ings, set my face toward the end of the
street. Then | began to walk and to
POulnt M tt-hf oh
brought my right foot on to a road,
which told me had reached my limit
/ turned. counted back the siXty-two
PAGES, and then siXty-five more in the
came direction before | found myself
again off the pavement. My calcula-
tions were verified by my knowing that
my house was very nearly in the centre
of the row. l was now quite at my ease;
/ had determined the length of nv teth-
er; could walk up and down the desert.
ed street, yet, at any time / wished to
do so, could, by counting from either
end. arrest my steps in front of my
abode.
So, nightly proud of my success, for
while | went up and down-up and
down. heard one or two cabs pass me,
and also one or two persons afoot. As
these latter seemed to pay no attention
to me, felt glad to think that my APP
pearance and gait were not such as to
attract notice. Most men like to CON
ceal their infirmities.
This night excursion did me great
deal of good. Perhaps it was finding
that ! was not altogether so helpless
and dependent that changed in fe !.
minutes my whole frame of mind. The
mental rebound took place. went from
dependency to hope hope
even to certainty. Like revelation
II came to me that my malady was cur
able; that, in spite of my preSentiment.
what friends had been assuring me
would prove to be the truth. So elated
l grew that | threw my head back and