The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-09
HUMOR.

FREEDOM Snrleked as IennysOn Wroto
about it.
SLEEP is merely an armistice in the
battle of life.
A PEDANTIo man is much given to
dictionary.
BLACK silk hose for fire companies
are not in vogue this season.-Ltte.
ALWAYS in quest of something
the Coroner.-NeW York Mail and
Express.
WHEN bet of the drinks is fulfilled,
the betters are generally fillfulled--
Ieras Sytilgs.
"TEMPUs FUarr" means slime aies.'
Tempus fidget means flies time.-Gor-
ham Mott1stair1eer.
FIGURES may not lie, but we've often
seen figures that wouldn't stand up
Waterloo Observer.
The little girl who called the ostrich
the bird with the bonnet tail put it
about right Yonkers Statesman.
BECAUSE a man is a poor devil in
this world that is no reason he won't
make good one in the next.-PecRs
Sun.
A LITTLE off color-the paint on the
back of q man who leaned against
a newly decorated wall.-HarJOrd
Times.
HE-@I hate q soft hat" She-"Do
you? You remember the old adage:
Like hates like. boston Tran
script.
A YOUNG lady says the reason she
har 4 OF ia ha-
cause crinolines are made SO SMALL
PecEs Sun.
SOME men will never learn anything.
A tramp tried to rob an editor.t the other
day. Of course he got left.-CdrL
PretzePs Weekly.
YES, Longfellow is poet, but all
poets are not long fellows. In fact,
poets are generally short--very short.
oil CITY Derrick.
1--WE know what it is to lose a dog"
says the editor of one of our exchanges.
Probably you do, friend, probably you
do; but why obtrude your family af-
fairs on suffering public.-Newman
independent.
Mrs. KANTUCK-"It is time to get
ready for prayer-meeting, dear" Mr..
Kaintuck-"I am not going this even
ing" Mrs. Kaintuck-"Why, the new
minister will be there tonight. Why
can't you go?' Mr.. Kaintuck-"My
pistol is out of order. "-Philadelphia
Call.
A MAN writes to the manufacturer of
a patent medicine that he was cured
"after using over two hundred bottles
of his patent medicine" Well, we
should think he would be: but it is
rather remarkable that the duty of
writing the testimonial did not devolve
upon one of his heirs. -Norristocm
Herald.
Oh, beautiful land where the dates grow ripe,
Where birds in wnter-t time 60
Where the white man 8 Joke dies out in breath,
Where the Chestnut has no show
-Chtcu0O Herald.
or, bottomless pit, where the fire burns hot,
Where the sinner gasps and chokes-
Where no water-pipes ever freeze up and bust,
Where there are no plumber" jokes
Judge.
WHATS the reason you didn't speak
to Jones when he passed us just now?"
"He insulted me the other day." What
did he say to you?" He called me an
old ass" Called you an old ass How
ridiculousl Why, you are not old! You
are just in your prime! You will not
be an old ass for ten or fifteen years
yet. Texas Strings.
PAPA" said little Ethel. Il have
seen picture that want to.give NAM
ma, and 1 want you to buy it for me
when you go downtown" "But how
am L to know it?" asked her father.
go, you'll know it,, said Ethel conf
IDENTIFY. Just ask Mr.. Kent to show
show you picture of two little chill
dren with dados round their heads
Er.
Two LITTLE girls of about eight
years of age were heard discussing the
subject of matrimony. Fanny: when
L marry, am going to marry a Doc
tor" Emma "And L am going to
marry an army officer" Fanny: @That
will be very foolish in you. If war
breaks out your husband will have to
go to the front. He will probably be
killed and then you and your half a
dozen children will be in nice fix
Teras SDtings.
IT is wonderful how times change.
Whittier was made editor of the Hart
ford ReUielC because the retiring editor,
George d. Prentice, had received few
poems from him and was pleased with
them. Prentice recommended the then
unknown poet as his successor, and
Whittier secured the place. In this
age.of prose and pork and market re-
ports, young man can't get an edi-
torial position, or, in fact, any position,
simply by sending in few spring
poems. Everybody has found this out
except the poets. They keep on trying.
atlanta Constitution,
THE PROPER cAPER.
Who wouldn't kiss
A pretty miss?
How could you e'er resist her.
Especially
II she should be
Some other fellows sister.
I'm sure that you
Would be too-too
Utterly glad to do IL.
But have n care
No bro hers there,
Or you will surely ruei it,
But on the sly,
With no one by,
Your arm her waist supporting.
Lay tack her head,
Ant then-'nouph said.