Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-04-30
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
A few nights ago Mr.. Bodkin, who
had been out taking his glass and pipe
on going homo borrowed IN umbrella
snd whom his Wifo's tongue was loosen.
cd he sat up in bed and suddenly spread
It cut. i" What are you doing with
that thipR?" said she. "Why, my
dear" he gravely answered, "Iexpect-
cd very heavy storm tonight, and 90
came prepared.
Some girls made up q sponge cake
and sent 1t, without q label, to an agri.
cultural fair. They got notice from
the judges some time afterward that
their sample of concrete had been re
ceived, and that the city would like an
estimate as to the cost Of block pave
ment Of that kind, It being the most de-.
slrable Of any presented, and just the
thing for the streets where the traffic 10
heavy.
A Yankee sold his cooking stove to
get money enough TO take his family to
the circus. When one of his friends
demonstrated with him, he said: eve
had no use for the stove. Had nothing
to cook" but why didn't you buy
something to eat with the money yon
got for the stove?'' "Then we should
have had nothing to cook 1t on. Don't
talk to me; am a philosopher.
A st. Louis artist is consulting q
lawyer about his wife, one Of his
grievances being that she sent broken
fryipg-pan to An art show whore some
OF his pictures where on exhibition,
with request that the hanging COM
mittoe would give 1t position as an
example of the way in which the
talented Mr.. X-provided for liz
family's necessities"
A sensible contemporary says The
women ought to make pledge not &c
kiss man who uses tobacco, and II
would soon break up the practice" A
friend of his said "They ought also
to pledge themselves to kiss every mar
that don't use it" and the editor goes
In for that ton.
Little brother, whose sister is play ine
cards with q gentleman: Mr.. Smi
Ter, does Minnie play cards we'll %
Mr.. smiler "Yes; very well, in
deed" Little brother Then you
had better look out; mamma said ifshe
played her cards we'll she would catch
you"
When young men have nothing Ia
live upon but love, they commonly fall
In love and get married-just as II hug
Ring and kissing were substitutes Tor
mutton. chops, or as II terms of endear.
ment would supply the place Of m sshed
potatoes and fricassced mackerel.
1t is said that . man has q wife who
wears number ten shoes, and that
when she " sets her foot down." he,
though armed with his rife, demurely
walks around 1t, says, "Of course,
Jane" and does not stand upon the
order OF his going, but goes at once.
Money won't make the mare 20. Fat
"Ill give you half dollar to get me
to the station in three minutes" Cab.
man (with provoking slowness): "Well,
sor. You might corrupt me, but yor
can't bride that horse"
Money is very welcome In these days
A man who had TO leave his Office, AND
was expecting q caller to pay him some
money, left this notice on his door "
have gone cut for half an hour. vii
be back soon. Have been gone twenty
minutes already"
"But II put my money In the saw
nA o""s, th4uAHou ono bon VI ETH "
another, when can 1 draw 1t ou
again? ?" "Och," replied his friend
"sure an II you put 1t In to-day, yor
can draw it out again tomorrow b.
giving fortnight's notice."
Some tasteful individual very cor
rectly remarks that the best lip salvt
should BIO used with great care however
as it Is apt to bring on an affection o.
the heart.
The fashion reporters state tina. "bus
ties have been revived. This shows the
forgiving disposition of the ladies', who
consent to making friends with some
thing that, rs the popular expression
has 1t, always goes back on 'em.
A poor man was about to marry q
rich heiress. He was asked by q friend
how long the honeymoon would last
He replied Don't tell me of the
honeymoon, it is harvest moon with
me-"
Z" Ma, has aunty got bees in hel
MOUTH" No, why do you ask p
Cause Captain Jones caught hold o
her, and said he was going to TAX
honey from her lips; and she said, We'll
make haste
| A burglar having been frightened
away by young lady, her father want
ed to know how she did 1t. "Did yol
threaten 10 shoot the rascal ?" he asked
mo, pa; 7 looked daggers at him, sh
replied.
He oometh not" she said, and sh
was quite right he didn't arrive. Hi
tentions were all right, but they fai
cd to successfully combat the bull.do
that was screened in the moon.kisse
sbrubbery.
A doctor gave the following prescriI
ton for sick lady few days since:".
new bonnet, cashmere shawl, and
pair Of fashionable boots p The lad
recovered Immediately.
"Can't you give me definition
nothing?" inquired school teache
Yes, mum. It's bunghole witho,
q barrel around it," shouted lit
Ted Saunders, whose papa is a coope
81 wish were muff," said a di
gusted poker.player, why SOP" fl
quired his aston ished friend. Becau
then might have chance of holdir
o fair hand once In q while"
IL A poet sings: " miss you, my ds
) lipg-my darling, the embers burn Ia
D on the hearth. Yes, it's an awful THU
not to have wife to attend to the fl
I An absent husband telegraphed to /
;. wife: az send you kiss" He receiv
as reply: Spruce young man ca
ed and delivered the kiss in 60
!, order"