News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-04-02

FIREMAN WHO RESIGNED.
"What caused you to leave the fire
department. JIM"
"Oh, 1 got sick of it."
"What was the trouble ?"
"Well, I'll tell you. L worked four
years to get on, and then I got right off
again. 1t wasn't what thought it was.
I'd watched the boys working lots of
times, and I'd been around visiting them
at their houses. kinder thought I'd
like it. When I got my appointment /
felt that I was fixed for life. The sec
ond night after that an alarm came in
for us about eleven o'clock, and out we
went. When we got to the fire, which
was in the cellar, the captain made me
go down and hold lantern. The ther-
mometer was about twenty-five below
zero, and just as 1 started to go up the
back stairs stream hit me in the mouth
and knocked me down so quick that
couldn't tell what struck me. lay
there senseless with the hose playing on
me for little whiIe-long enough for
me to freeze fast, any way, and when
tried to get up I couldn't. 1 was all
covered with icicles, and the whiskers
of me were frozen SO stiff that couldn't
get my mouth open to yell. 1 began to
think 1 was done for, when one of the
boys stumbled over me, and getting a
lantern, found out who 1 was. They
had to chop me out with axes, and when
I walked off looked like a snow man,
That sickened me of the fire department..
and 1 resigned the next day. "-C7.icago
Herald.
FARES OF THE FAIR.
--RhsI bass-lel friends enter q street.
car together they generally go tnrougn-
With funny little formula for the saw
ing Of each others credit for generosity
and for appearances generally. "Now
mind, I've got the change" says one as
they hail the car. "Haye you? Well,
so have I. can pay the fare"
answers the other. By this time the
ladies' are seated, and both begin to
tumble leisurely in their satchels for
that change. "Now, I'll pay" exclaims
one, and she fishes out dollar bill and
looks helplessly around for some man to
pass it up. 'T want change, anyhow"
The money is passed up to the box, and
in the meantime the other lady quietly
deposits two nickels in the box. "Oh,
yon mean thingI" cries the street-car
guest. ''Never mind, Til pay coming
home" and then they fall to talking of
some absent one.--Ne1O Orleans Pic
Gylt1le.
HE IS PREPARED.
'I understand your son is about to
enter college, Mr.. Derrick !"
"Yes, oh, yes; Arthur will take COL
legiate course"
sis he prepared ?"
"Well, I should remark Hes been
a captain of his home club for over a
year, and they tell me that he's as good
a football kicker nearly as a profess
sional. He may be little backward in
rowing and climbing creased poles, but
he'll soon pick up, you know. Pitts
6urg Chronicle.
HE WAS RIGHTEoUsLY INDIGNANT.
"What is the amount of your defalca-
ton, sir ~ asked the lawyer, as he tend
cred the gentleman an easy chair.
"Ffty-seven dollars"
"Fifty seven dollars And YOU come
to me, sir, said the lawyer, rising with
indignation; "to me, an honest man, and
ask my defence for an admitted crime ?
Begone, sir; will assist no man who
admits that he is guilty. Begone. sir !"
After the man had "begone," the
awyer resumed his seat with the remark:
"Fitty-seven dollars and thought
it was ten thousand dollar case at
least"
A plumber and his wife were on their
way to church.
"Why did you bow SO low to that
gentleman we just PASSED ?" she in
quired.
"He owns roller-skating rink" the
ricb man said. .-InQLeSide.
BRIMsroNE FOR CONTEMPORARIES
A good story is told of three clergymen,
swo Congregationalists and one Univer-
salist, who reside not over thousand
miles from New Bedford. Two OF them
were talking when the third joined
them. and, putting cigar in his mouth,
said to his brother Congregationalist,
"Mr. -, give me match"
There was some hesitation about
granting the request, so number three
turned to his Universalist friend with
his request which was granted.
"Well, here is Universalist with
birthstone about him, said the smoker.
Eyes, sir, we keep it for our friends,
said the deliberate Universalist. "-Ne'o
Bedford Standard
QUALITIES OF SOUND.
Mrs. Minks-The nurse seems to havc
trouble with the baby tonight. He is
crying yet.
MIR. Minks-Yes, bless his little heart
l wonder what ails him?
Mrs. Minks-Oh nothing serious.
How sweetly shrill his voice is So clear
and musical.
Mr.. Minks-Yes but bark Those
sounds do not come from our nursery.
They come through the walls OF the next
house.
Mrs. Minks-Mercy So they do.
Why can't people have sense enough to
give their squalling brats paregoric or
something, instead of letting them yell
like screech owls. Philadelphia eau.
I want to be a skater,
And with the skaters glide,