Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-10-23
REUNION HUMOR.
Some of "Lyme" HincIsley's Stories Told
Montpelier.


Montpelier.
is.When this one and that one has asked
me "What year were you in the assem-
bly, ?" | have told them / was entirely in
different. Said |, "Put me anywhere in
the last twenty years" l felt as indiffer-
ent about it AS did an ancient maiden lady
who was taken seriously i'll. A physician
was summoned and he made what they
call diagnosis, | guess. And, says he /.
Madam, you are u very sick woman and
If you have any property or effects that
you wish disposed of otherwise than the
law will dispose Of them, you must at
tend to it at once" Says she "Then you
think cannot live ~ "To be frank with
you, madam, | think So" "Oh," says
she, THANK God | hope soon to be
in the bosom of Judas Iscariot "
Loud applause and laughter The doc
tor says my dear madam, you do not
mean Judas Iscariot you mean Abra-
hams bosom" Says she doctor, if you
had lived single AS long as have you
would not care Il darn which"
A lawyer and clergyman were fellow
Representatives. The lawyer told yarn
about the clergyman-how he had an old
fashioned donation party call on him,
bring a few turnipS and in return eating
up all his bread Reflection on their con
duct made them somewhat ashamed, and
they presented their pastor with horse
While driving his new acquisition the min
lister met a wag, who asked about the ami
NAL. The pastor said it was as good beast,
he thought, as that upon which Jesus rode
into Jerusalem. Opening the horses
mouth and looking intently therein, the
other exclaimed. by George, elder !!
it's the same boss"
The minister said he was liable to make
mistakes i'll his preaching. what do
you do" says the lawyer; do you 20
back and correct ?" THAT depends upon
how material the error is if it does not
alter tbs sense, keep right on. For in
stance, the other day | SAID All lawyers
should have their part in the lake of fire
and birthstone, so and So found | had
made Il mistake, but it was so lmmaterial,
and changed the sense of the text SO little,
| kept right on"
A "Reminiscences by Gen. Grandy.
II call wildly to mind the lively contest
alluded to by Judge Barrett for the seat
in the National Senate rendered vacant at
the expiration of the term of Judge
Phelps, father of our minister at the Court
of st. James. a powerful opposition to
Judge Phelps was headed by Gov. Slade
of Middlebury. 1t was severe and sharp
struggle before we could get Il caucus. as
we called it. / remember | presided over
one of those caucuSSeS. AS Il last resort. it
became necessary that Judge Phelps
should appear before that assembly and
answer serious charges that had been
made against him from almost all quar-
tiers of the Union. Letters had been
read there, and | have those let
ters now in my possession. Well,
Judge Phelps made his appear
ance. He had been furnished with
copies of the letters. He came out and
was introduced by me. He bowed to the
natural dignity, which was equal to that
of Daniel Webster in his best days (and
he much resembled HIM. He used these
Words i appear before you tonight in
my own defence. | have been charged
with corruptions of various kinds-among
others, dissipation and drunkenness.
come to make profert of myself. Look at
me! Do appear Il subject of dissipation
and drunkenness Do | show in any way
that | am broken down, ruined, intellect
ually and physically, and disqualified for
further public service in the Sen.
ate of the United States And he con.
tinued tor an hour and half IN his own
appeal to us, such a complete answer to
the charges against him, that we re-elect-
ed him by an overwhelming majority.
That was in 1874 The year before (lS43)
was in the House, the youngest member
but one. | will not stop to enumerate the
notable members of that year, but | well
remember no WIS i'll that chair (the
speakei)-it was Andrew Tracy of Wood
stock. fl ! were to select any man from
among the many speakers | have seen
who was in all respects Il perfect model OF
II speaker, ! should name Andrew Tracy
not even excepting the man whom
Charles summer pronounced the born
speNker-SOlOmOu Foot. At the time
speak OF Moses +. Cheney represented
Barnard. Towards the close of the session
during the last week, Il member had d
speech he had been preparing since The
opening Of the session. This member got
the floor and commenced his speech. He
had proceeded Uhrct or four minutes, wher
Mi Cheney arose and said; Mr.. Speaker
as the speech of The gentleman seems to bt
in the usual form, move that it be de
livercd by its title only. Laughter. Blu,
must close. If | have said anything
should not have said, why, us the wa
sad, I'm glad Of it,