Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1885-07-08
Brother SINNERS Marrixe.

II should like to spoke few remarks
to Bruddcr Sidc-Bar Skinner" OBJ
served the president, as the dust began
to settle in Paradise hall.
Brother Skinner, who is young man
of %, with mild eye and lilac neck.
tic, advanced to the front, and the
president continued:
'Bruddcr Skinner, dc news has
reached my cars dat you am about to
be mar'd. / trus' dat dc report am
true, bckase believe it am dc dooty
of cherry young man who kin support a
wife to take One.'
'It am true, sab.
"Dcn let me compliment you wild
one hand an spoke few remarks wild
de odder. Gittin' mar'd has it's VERY
serious side. Fur instance, am dc gal
gwine to mary you bekasc she loves
you, or to spite her folkes bekase dey
kept her away from dc skatin-rink?
Am you gwine to mary dc gal fur love,
or bekasc her father has some wealth
which you hope he'll shell out fur
your benefit?
"Love am a powerful emoshum,
Brudder Skinner, but love widout pork
and 'tatcrs to keep it goin' am like dc
froth on top of sodaWater.
''Don't mistake your sentiments.
If you am sartin datyou love, 90 ahead.
If it am only lollypop, hire out as Il
deck-hand on Il steamboat fur a week
an it will all 90 away. l hcv known
couples cz seemed to be dyin' of love.
DER silly ackshum made en- dc laflin-
stock of hull nayburhood. Dey
seemed to dote and dotc, but it didn't
last. Artcr couple Of vars dc hus-
band war a home grumblcr an tyrant,
an dc wife a gadabout an scold.
What dey s'posed was love wur only
lollypop.
'Doan' marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in dc barber
bizness. Most faddcr-in-laws not only
want all dcy hez got, but am willin' to
struggle for another 5000
''Doan' sot bowman fgger dat fo'
taters, a loaf of bread, half pound Of
meat, an quart of applcsass am goin
to runyou fur week. You will want
all dc salary you can ai'rn, an you
had better look aroun' an find some
body who will lend you dollar now
an then.
''Doan hatter yourselves dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de hous an
kiss ober dc gate You'll be hungry
fur con beef an baked beans; your
clozc will war out; your flour an but
ter will waste away, an bill fur two
months rent will send chill up your
back. De man or woman who spcks
dat mar'd life am green an shady
lane, lined wild orange blossoms on one
side an ten dollar bills on dc odder,
am gwine to wake up some day an
find de rats leavin' de place in disgust.
"Think of desc things, Brudder
Skinner. You kin get wife in about
five minutes, but it takes five vars to
git shet of some Of 'em. Expect about
one day 3 sunshine fur week Of cloudy
weather. Reckon on house rent comm
due de fust of ebcry month, an dc
grocer an butcher keepin' an eye out
fur you each Saturday night. 1t will
amaze you how'd woodpile decides an
how de -four gifts outen' de bar'l so
soon. Doan' walk into matrimony like
lobster into box, but fgger on
whether de bait am wuth de risk. If
you conclude to mar y you kin depend
on dis club attendin' de obscquies in
a body. bringin' along bounteous
supply Of ham sandwiches. If you
decide not to, it am probable dat you
will soon be promoted to some posts
hum of trust an responsibilities
The Lime Kiln CIuh