The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-09-24
WIT AND HUMOR

appropriate to have q plume at the
head. Teas Ssftings
The money cost to New York heiress
of marrying British Lord is quoted at
S15G,o 00 The cost in misery is not
computed. -GaIUeStosl AelcS.
American kangmen now import their
ropes from England in order to get
something which will look well and at
the same time not chafe the neck
Detroit Free Press.
An invisible boat for waterfowl
hunters has been patented. This will
even up matters with the invisible wa
ter-fowls, which tend to cast gloom
over the average hunter.-RhitddeLphlG
CaA
Whenever 1 see you. Herr Muller,
lent you a year ago!' Strange how
people differ! forget them regularly
every time | meet you!" -fttegentt
BsGetter.
A Pennsylvania man claims to have
seen white rattlesnake. The only
way we can account for the phenome-
non is to suppose that he had been
drinking milk-punch. darlington Free
Press.
a report of baseball game says:
"Larkins knocked Fulton, the new
pitcher, all over the field" This must
have been an agreeable change for the
umpire. 1t is long lane that has no
turn in it.-Neso York Independent.
An Anti-Gossip Club has been organ
lied at Mercer by the young ladies.
When the CLUB meets they will proba-
bly, pass their time in raking up all the
gossip of the neighborhood. merely to
snow what it is they propose to frown
upon.-OI city Derrick.
Mrs. Montague-Do you sing, Mr..
De Lyle?
MIR. De Lyle with superior SMILEY
i belong to the college glee club.
Mrs. Montague (disappointed)-O,
Pm SO sorry. hoped that you sung.
n. l. Times.
'.Wen, my little man." said the
Bishop to Bobby, ''do you remember
me?"
20, yes, SIR" replied Bobby. You
stopped with Us when you were here
before. Pa thinks it can't cost you
much for hotel bills. "-Aea0 York Sun.
The Pittsburg Telegraph denounces
the heartless and cruel practice of de-
stroying flies with fly paper. This
method of determination may be cruel,
but life is too short for man to catch
each fly separately and tenderly impale
it to door jamb with pin.-NoT7tS-
to101 Herald.
The United States can laugh and
jeer
And vent a scOrnful shout.
For q bad Canadian bank cashier
Has suddenly skipped out
From the roost of scamp and the haunt of
knaVe
For 1.-THE land of the free and the home of the
--NeD York Norntng Journal.
A man never finds out what con-
temptible fellow his wife has married
until he begins to hint that a 75-cent
straw hat for himself and Il 81 bonnet
for her own use hardly seems to be a
fair way of dividing the money he had
saved toward the expenses of Sum
mer vacation. -FaN Rtuer -AdUunce.
Now, you young scamp" said
Binks senior, as he led his youngest
out into the woodsncd and prepared 10
give him dressing down, ''i'll teach
YOU what is what"
No, pa" replied the incorrigiDle,
you'll teach me WAich is switch
And then the cd mans hand fell
powerless to his side. Chicago RaDi6-
Ter.
Apropos of long-drawn-out funeral
orgies, us HuckIebcrry Ennis compan-
ion called them, is this story of John
O. SAKE. He stood watching militia
ry and iaternal funeral, when a friend
complained OF the fuss ami parade of
it ali. Let 'em alone" said Sake,
they'll run the thing into the ground
before they get through with it, "-,SaD
FRANCISCAN.
A gentleman whose family consists
of wife and twin girl babies came in
very late one night and went to bed.
His sleep was broken, and he tossed,
and tumbled, and muttered something
about 1.-TWO of a kind" and ''smal
pair"
Poor john" rnurmurod his wife,
she is tired and is dreaming of the
children. ~. T. san.
''Socksfussendemba cried Bis
marck. Socks came in and looked in
quiringly at the Chancellor. Did YOU
blaze dem Carolina Ilants in de ize
chest nit dem udder dings vot | hef
cot nit Africa?" Seizure. well,
den dake EN- Duet and send EN- pack.
Dem Spoonyards dey say dey will
come Offer und We git dot koolera. -
Pattsd'srg Chronicle.
Mr.. Edison claims telephone in
h,,,x iai, two Il
driving at full speed can communicate
with each other when a mile apart
A man capable of such an invention
ought to have the skill to get up a con-
trvance by which man running at
full speed can attract the attention of
a street-car driver or conductor when
a quarter OF square Observation-Disclosures
2lQtt- commercial Gazette.
Timid- Gaslamps-Tac gas furnished
the City of San Antonio is of very in
ferior quality, ami consequently the
streets are very poorly lighted, but
they are allowed to burn until after
daylight A stranger asked George
Horner, prominent druggist; ''Why
do the gasIights burn ali night in this
town." because dose cash lights
vas so schmall dot dey vas afraid to 90
out ven it vas dark. y eraS .!Sytings.
Young Feathorly has dropped in for
an evening call, and Bobby was en-
ioying the conversation and leading
the laughter.
Incidentally Bobby said.
.'Mr. Featherlv, can water burn?'
No, Bobby" replied Featherly,
amused at the question, but it can be
made very hot by boiling. What put
that idea into your head?"
MA. She told sister that there was
no danger of your ever setting the
North River on fire. ~. /. san.
1t is hard for professional pride to
remain silent when a good old tradi-
ton of the craft is outraged. The other
night, when a new drama was pro-
duced at London theatre, the gallery
was crowded, and the goods" were
pleased to approve OF the piece gener-
ally until the burglary scene. But
when the burglar was seen doing
the place with all the blinds I'D, so