Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1885-11-28
My Thanksgiving Dinner.

my thanksgiving Dlnuef'
Eow it came to be decided in the
councils of the wise, that l should give
the Thanksgiving dinner 1 could neve,
divine, but when it first came to my
knowledge that l was thus honored, il
had become an undisputed fact, a fore
gone conclusion, a something in compar-
ison with which the laws of the Medes
and Persians were mere trlt1e In &C.
vereiy. There were four goodly matrons
to be invited, all notable house keepers
in their day, and some of them retired
upon we'll earned laurels with nothing
left to do but to ct in judgment upon
the errors and shortcomings and inca
pacity of the present generation. Be-
sides this, there were numerous relatives
and no end of children.
Poor little me! with cross cook. an
incompetent house. maid, and four little
children. Infant prodigies, thev were
the invention of mischief vita their
forty little fingers plunged deeply into
every pie that was made in the house.
I had also mother in-law, and she lives
with us.
She was serene and stately woman,
and all the world said how amiable and
lovely she was. But she was my mother
in-law, and with that bland and amiable
manner, which all the world admired 80
much, she smiled in silent disapproba-
ton and derision upon all nv incompe-
tent efforts and my miserable failures;
while l, with that spirit of petty pride,
which turks in all undisciplined human
hearts, smiled back with naughty dis
dain of her opinion. In fact, so entirely
did we dissemble our feelings that we
we were held up among our friends as q
laudable instance of harmony in that
trying relationship of life. There IVES
no love lost betW cen us, and nothing so
honest in our daily companionship as
the manner in which we recounted to
each other these mistaken opinions of
the outside world, and laughed st SO lu-
dicrous joke.
Besides all this, had only kept house
six months, and what little experience /
possessed had been obtained by rough
encounters with butchers and fshmon-
gers in that ungodly field of strife known
as Washington Market.
As to the cook, there had been smoul-
laring feud between us ever since the
first fatal Monday of her sojourn in the
family, when ny good husband had sent
home from market live chicken ,hav-
ing met there lady friend who told him
that was the cheapest way to buy poultry.
Oh! exclaimed l, as soon as saw it, l
wonder how much q dead one would
cost? but it was too late to make any
change, and when, at last, through untold
tribulatlons on my part, it was killed,
dressed and cooked, and we sat down to
eat it, l felt in my Utmost heart that
dinner of herbs and peace Herewith"
would have been far better.
Ever since that unlucky day l had
stood in mortal terror of her trown, and
had either sent down my orders by the
chambermaid, or had given them from
the top OF the basement stairs, prudently
retiring Immediately after, for had read
In that journal of wisdom and ability
known as the New York Observer, that it
Is not best to hear what the servants say
after they have slammed the kitchen
door. For my first experience in market
ing | had boldly entered the stall of a
distinguished dealer and had asked to
see poultry. He inquired if l wanted to
see chickens or fowls. was rather non
plussed, not having the slightest idea
what he meant, but thought it would be
safe 10 Say chickens; when, what was nv
Gismay to be asked next whether +
wanted dry picked or scalded. lowered
my embarrassment by asking to see
both, and finally rejected lank looking
Philadelphia dry-picked, "a perfect
beauty" so said the dealer (but thought
he was trying to cheat me), for bunchy
western importation, whose wings re-
fused to crack and whose breast bone
would no more move than the noted rock
,gainst which leaned the brave Fitz
James of olden story.
On the next occasion I visited the
butcher, who demanded if / wished rib,
roast or porterhousl whether 1 prefer
red first or second cut; and finally pat
ting huge side of beef recommended
me by all means to take a cut of from
that fine young steer. I did everything
he advised, for l was puzzled to know
anything he meant. But from our after ex-
perience Twas lead to believe that l was
served with the toughest and poorest cut
that Tine young steer possessed. Steb-
bens, our groomsman, was to dine with |
us tnat day, and we were anxious to have |
everything very nice, but we met with
humilisting and notifying failure. |
Stebbens is stiua bachelor, and have
always feared that the recollections of |
that dinner were death blow to all his |
hopes of domestic comfort, and that,
therefore, he, poor fellow, was doomed
to life Of loneliness and misanthropy.
And | was to have the THANKSGIVING
dinner! lay awake night after night
thinking Of it. knew thers must be q
turkey, | feared there should be ham
had heard that mince-pie was an es-
sential, and thought that ice cream
must close the long drawn agony; but
all between was one vague impossibility,
and my mind wandered helplessiy
through . dim procession of courses
egaln and again, without coming to any
All! why had been an unobservant
guest at 80 many handsome dinners?
Why had 90 many times eaten what
was set before me, asking no questions
for Instructions sake? but it was all too
late now. My anxiety began at last to
show itself in the perturbation of my
spirits, and my amisble mother-in-law
vas accustomed to smile sweetly, from
lime to time, always Remaining in q COM