The Warner weekly sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1885, 1885-07-24
For This are We Doctors.

my chest; my food distresses me: TIM
~iow-spirlted, tired and langu-l. In
snort, I'm completely broken up. Tn
very careful about eating, a~nd.though I
eat graham bread exclusively, / have
IN uncomfortable feeling here In the
chest after every meal"
Doctor-"Ahl suspected as much.
My dear sir, don't you know that
graham bread is She very worst thing
you can put into your stomach? ?"
Patient-"Why, doctor, I always
thought"
Doctor-"Of course you did, and so
do thousands of other people, but new.
ertheless it's bad for you. How can any
man, no matter how we'll he may be, di-
gest good shavings? And that's what
graham bread is-a good part of it.
No you can't digestit, and it lies in your
stomach, where it irritates and causes
everything you eat to ferment and
evolve gas which causes that pressed
feeling in your chest"
Patient-"But what must I eat?"
Doctor-"White bread is good enough
for me, and it's good enough for you.
In fact, it's just what you need. What
do You drink with your meals?"
Patient used to drink tea and
coffee, but / thought they hurt me, and
now ! drink water exclusively"
Doctor-.-"No wonder you don't feel
well. DO you know, sir, that there is
nothing so hurtful to health as this ev-
erlasting drinking of cold water? Why,
sir, it congeals the fat about the stom-
ach, retarding digesting and impov-
erishing the blood. You1Il have
to stop that right off. A little warm
tea OIL coffee won't hurt you a hundredth
part as much as a goblet of ice water.
On the contrary, it supplies just the
needed stimulus, and aids in the assimi-
lation of food. You're a teetotaler, /
suppose?"
Patient-"Well, yes; that is to say"
Doctor-"I understand. You are con-
sc~ientiously averse to drinking; but if it
was essential soiyour health you wouldn't
offer any foolish objections"
Patient-"No, / don't suppose I
should, if it were really necessary"
Doctor-"WelI, / want you to get
some pure whisky, and drink q wine
glassful, say, four times a day, be-
fore meals and upon retiring. If you
have that dull feeling at any other time,
you can take a dose; it won't hurt you,
never fear"
Patient-"How about my smoking?
Must j quit that?"
Doctor-"No indeed. 1t aids digestion
and soothes the nerves. Smoke all you
want to. You don't need.any medicine.
Leave off your graham bread and cold
water, and that, with the whisky, will
fetch you round all right. Come and see
me again in a week"
Patient-"How much doctor? / might
as well pay you as / go along"
Doctor-"Five dollars. please. Thank
you
Patient-aGood day, DOCTOR"
Doctor-"Good day, sir.
Patient (s~oliloquizing as he walks
away)-"Dr. Smart is a sensible man, a
very sensible man. He understands my
symptoms exactly. He talks like a man
who knows his business"
Doctor-aAh, Mr.. Brown, how d We
do? Not sick. i hope?"
Patient-@Well, no, not sick exactly
but I don't feel just right. Food dis
tresses me, you know; troubled with a
dull pain in my head and a pressed
feeling in my chest; am tired, languid
and.Iow-spirited."
Doctor-"Im afraid you eat too much
white bread"
Patient-"Why, isn't that good for
me?"
Doctor-"No, indeed; worse thing
you can eat" Il.
Patient-aEut what shall l eat
They say graham bread isn't so whole
ome as it has been cracked up to be.
Doctor-"Nonsenses An old woman's
notion; nothing else, / assure you.
White bread contains starch, but II
hasn't any gluten and gluten, you know
one must have it if lie would be well.
Graham -four contains both starch and
gluten. 1t is q perfect food, and it's
Just what you require"
Patient-"Eat they say it is the greater
part woody fibre" :,
Doctor-aAll tie woody fibre you'll
ind in graham -four wouldn't hurt .
fiea. Leave off your white bread and
eat nothing but graham. In dna dr;rs sa .
Patient-aTea and coffee"
Doctor-"No wonder you are bilious,
I shall ask you to give up your tea and
coffee and take water instead"
Petient-"But / always supposed thai
cold drink"
Doctor-aAnother fallacy. Water Is
Natures own beverage. Who evei
heard Of an animal suffering from D,!-
BUSINESS? You never'drink any alcoholic
E-.Iacko oh on