Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-10-25
THE LlME-KILN CLUB.
Stress Laid Upon the individuality of
CoIored Mans Having 3 Theory Ter
rible Example.

Stress Laid Upon the InadVisabiilty or
! CoIored Mans Having 3 Theory a Ter
ribie Example.
Detroit Free Pres.
"Am Kurnel Paradox johnson 10 de hail
dis eavenin'H' blsndly inquired Brother
Gardner as the regular weekly meeting
opened on the forty-seventh degree, in due
and regular shape.
! The "kurnel arose. H5 was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory that
Canada thistlss could be Gu tivated 10 bear
mustard plasiers, and his countensnce now
betrayed the fact that he expected to be
patted on the back and ordered to take the
stool Of honor under the Bear Traps.
"Kurnel johnson will please step dis
way" continued the president, aud the kur-
mel advanced 10 the font, bestowing look
of three-ply contempt on the Hon. Ersstus
Furlong, and as he passed him.
"Brudder johnson, said the president
as the victim stood before him with folded
arms, II want 10 spoke to you in de plain
est English language. Harm dat you hev
invented a theory
ayes, ssh.
1T has bin lang time WOrkin up to a
climax hasn't it2
Bout o J ar, sab
81 thought so. 1t was bout var ago
dat noticed you quit work, an began to
sot around on de curb-stone. You didn't
cotch on to dis theory Widout ahard strug.
gle, did your
mo, sab. Itjist almos upset my mind"
81 thought so. remember when you
gin up de curbstone fur saloon society.
Later on you began to play craps an
policy. Towards de last agony of yonr
struggle you begun 10 shake dice an buy
lottery tickets on oe money u our wife sirn
ed at the washtub. Invenrin' theory am
powerful hard work, Brudder Johnson
Yes, sab
at am 60 hard dat your wife an cGill'en
am now begin far bread an ole clothes,
while you Hm in debt to everybody who'd
trust you, and your landlord am gwine to
frow you ont o de hsuse.'
III is sorry, sab, bet | couldn't help
il"
"Brudder Johnsonl' said the president
in q voice whics made Elder Toots shiver
like faded burdock IN a winters gale
want to say to you, an to oil other
members Of dis club freu you, dat no Guild
man in America has any bizuess wild
theory--an original theory. Ifwhite folks
has got time 'nUff an money huff to loal
around an diskiver-in DER own minds
dat de moon sm full o jackssses which
gsllop an down, or dat de Mort star con-
tains race o people who walk on der heads
an feed themselves wild DER toes, OATS all
right De problem wild de Guild man am,
fust bread an butter; second, house rent
an rsiment; third SIGH eddicashuu as will
enable him an his'n to write an receive
letters: keep posted on Current events; fig
ger up how much a weeks wages comes to
at 81 day; realize dat de Atlantic am
upon one side of Us an Pacific de odder,
an hev de sense to 60 to de polls an vote
fur honest, decent candidates, no matter
on what ticket DER names appear. l shsn't
fue you, an | doan' want to expel you,
will retire to de ante-rcom with Giveadam
Jones fur de space Of ten mioutes. If yen
hold to any partickler theory ar;er be gets
freu wild you it will be Sunlhin' you am
PERFECTLY welcome to-"
when the "kuvnel' returned to the hall
after the proceedings" he was a changed
man. One coat tail was entirely missing
the other badly battered, and his general
appearance was that of man who had
met the tsilend Of cyclone in country
where there was nothing to hang to.