The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
MODERN ARCHITECTURE.


MODERN AkCHITECTUkE.
Bn Nye Tells what Called Out HIS First
Falsehood
1t may be premature, perhaps, but /
desire to suggest to any one who may
be contemplating the erection OF sum-
mer residence for me, as slight tes-
timonial Of his high regard for my ster-
ling worth and symmetric escutcheon--
testimonial more suggestive of earnest
admiration and warm personal friend
ship than OF great intrinsic value. etc,
etc., etc, that hope he will not con-
struct it on the modern plan OF mental
hallucination and morbid delirium tre-
mems peculiar to recent architecture.
OF course, man ought not to look
gait house i'm the gable end, and if my
friends don't know me any better than
to build me summer cottage and throw
in odd windows that nobody else wanted,
and then daub it up with colors that
they have bought at auction and APP
piled to the house after dark with q
shotgun, think it is time that we hal
better understanding.
Such structure does not come with
in either of the three classes of renais-
| bunNt. ~ 10 htltitI IL III Oltint, IAOuibi,
nor Venetian. Any man can originate
such style of architecture if he will
drink the right kind OF whisky long
enough, and then describe his feelings
to an amanuensis. Imagine the sensa-
ton that one of these modern, sawed
off cottages would create hundred
years from now, if it should survive!
But that is impossible. The only
cheering feature of the whole matter is
| that these creatures of disordered
imagination must soon pass away and
the bright sunlight of hard horse sense
shine in through the shattered dormers
and gables and gnawed-off architec ture
of the average summer resort. A friend
of mine few days ago showed me his
new house with much pride. He asked
me what thought of it. told him i
liked it frst-rate. Then / went home
and wept all night. 1t was my first
| falsehood
The house, taken as whole, looked
to me like skating rink that had
started out to make money and then
suddenly changed its mind and resolved
to become a tannery. Then ten feet
higher it had lost all self-respect and
blossomed into full-blown drunk and
dlsorderly, surrounded by the smoke
stack of foundry, and with the bright
future of 30 days ahead with the chain
gang. That's the way it looked to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends OF misfit rafters and distorted
shingles that somebody had purchased
az sheriff's sale. and the rooms and
stairs were giddy III the extreme.
went in and rambied around among the
cross-eyed staircases and other night
mares till reason tottered on her throne.
| Then L came ont and stood on the
architectural wart called the side porch
to get fresh air. This porch was paint
cd dull red, and it had wooded ro-
settles at the corners that looked like a
brand-new carbuncle on the rose of a
social wreck. Farther up on the de-
moralized lumber pile l saw, now and
then, places where the worhman's mind
had wandered and he had nailed ON his
clapboards wrong side mp, and then
painted them with the paris green that
lie had intended 20 use on something
else. 1t was an odd-looking structure,
indeed. If my friend got all the ma
terial for nothing from people who had
fragments of paint and lumber left over
after they failed, and then if the work
men constructed 1t nights for mental
relaxation and intellectual repose, with
out charge, of course the scheme was a
financial success, but architecturallv
the house is q gross violation of the
| statutes in such cases made and pro-
vided, and against the peace and dignity
of the State.
There is look Of extreme poverty
about the structure which man might
struggle for years to acquire and then
fail. No one could look upon it with
out feeling heartache for the man who
built that house, and probably strug-
gled on year after year, building n lit
tie of it at a time as he could steal the
lumber, getting new workman each
wear, building knob here and pro-
tuberance there, putting in three-cor-
nered window at one point and "a yellow
tile or "A wad of broken glass and other
t.jbris mt another, pat emily filling In
around the ranch with any old rubbish
that other people had got through
with, and painting it as he went along,
taking what was left in the bottom of
the pots after his neighbors had painted
their bobsleds or their tree boSes-lit-
tie favors thankfully received-and
then surrounding the whole pile with
pot-pourri of roof, a grand farewell
incubus of humps and hollows for the
rain to wander through and seek ont
the different cells where the lunatics
live who inhabit it.
/ did tell my friend of one thing that
thought would improve the looks OF
his house. He asked me eagerly what
it could be. / said it would take man
of great courage to do it for him. He
said he didn't care for that. He would
do it himself. If it only needed one
thing. he would never rest till he had
it, whatever that might be. Then
told him that he had friend-ons
he could trust-who would steal in
there some night while the family were
away, aud scratch match on the leg
of his breeches, or on the breaches Of
any other gentleman who happened &c
be present, and hold it where il would
ignite the alleged house, and then re
main near there to see that the fire
department did not NEEDLE with it, he
would confer great favor on one WHO