The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-03-07
THR COURT OF ST. HIM.

iopie ?. Read, in New York Mereary.l
 am much gratifled to see tha, the leading newspapers arc urging upon the incoming president the necessity of my appointment as minister to the court of Saint lin, Yes, am gra.hed, and more especially so, because of my strong be- tief that l am competent 10 discharge the duties of gout and a good salary. 1 have had experience concerning sAe seas -hypcrtrophy induced by eating too many dried apples--but cannot say that l have tangled my hand Ia tho hair of any very decided salary but the ap- pointing power should no; held ne re- sponsible tor this neglect. fnr my life has been very busy one. Frequently, while walking from one town to another, l have failed to devote sufficient time to the mastication oi food, knew tha, this rash habit was injurious, and ii Mir. Cleveland will forgive me when the proper time comes, l will promise to be more careful oi myself.
 The reason why think the "coat of St, Jim would At me better than any other ia based upon the fact that under, stand the Gisa; bulk 6: ;se language n which the prevailing conversation is con- dueted within hearing of that institution in fact, speak English much better than do French or Spanish This accom-. plishment will certainly throw a great weight in my favor. 1 have no com plaint to make against Mir. Lowell He is a gentleman of eminent ability and keen appetite foi swee, stuff would not ruthlessiy pull hin down, but 10 the language Of the old town pump. talking through it's nose, There, my child, put down the cup and yield your place to that elderly gentleman who sIeads 10 softly over the paves,ones."
 have had honots thrust upon me, bu; this !: the ass. lime iha. have ever haKkeFed for an office. was once elected justice of the peace, a position which l held with dis,inction ua,il the g,and jury, through spite, requested my retirement complied with the request aud since that time have not been aF- rested. mention these facts, not in egotism, bu. to show the people of the nation tha. my record is flee i,om the ink stains Of iniquity. Many a man in my position would be proud and naughty, but the first family of Virginia from which descended was never A self opinionated household. had an Aubt who. with her own hands, choksd dog to death and then associated with poer people as though she were but a woman of ordinary intelligence.
 suppose that will be called upon
 express my views with regard to the tariff, and would compare my position with those sustained by a few Of the leading statesmen but as this article ls designed to be read by posterisy 1 wish to avoid future confusion by the noa-in- uoduction of local names When man reads these lines hundred years rom to-day do not want him to put aAlds the go!d clasped heck and muss si wonder who were Sam Randall and that fellow BeekT Let ii not be understood, however, that desire to make sidelong movement and evade the question no, for my views are pronounced. stand on the Chicago platform. have ios. gotten which one, but am there. am democrat, more 60 now than ever be- fore. There have been times when was weak, but now am as strong as a cheese that has keen given 10 the poor, as vigorous as the ham which the gener- crous grocer, with newspaper pomp and parade, sends to a charity hospital,
 The pfesidept-elect, l am sure, will weigh all these facts; apd lc, me assure him that l respect bis opinion, 1 am willing to acknowledge that his decision sill have much effect.