West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-18

the thrCds that cross each other with
surprising regularity suggest the
threads in a cobwcb. This makes You
think the handkcrchicfs are probably
very hno ones. and that -. so. the
price You paid for your fine handker-
chiefs, would probably not buy Won a
dozen oi those, But nothing in the
plain piece OF linen, with no ornament
but hemstitch border. prepares Vou
for the staggering remark by the Young
man. His face lights UP with 'ioy M
the bargain he is Offering Won. and he
says: Those beautiful hand-woyen
handkerchiefs arc only sixty dollars a
dozen. Please look at thcm as the
light shines through them once more"
You do SO this time with much rev
erence, and nsk, in an off-hsnd WAY.
Mhat nose requires such pampering.
Many noses, the clerk win tell Won.
among them that of Mr.. Whitney. the
Secretary of the Navy, who knows a
good thing when he sees il, but who is
sometimes satisfied with goods as low
as iorty-eight or fifty dollars dozen.
Some OF their best customers would not
eonuescend TO take up any such bar
gain, and would fail to be suited i'm the
store which just happens 10 be out of
the very finest grade of linen. This
grade, with modest profit attached.
costs one hundred dollars for a dozen
handkerchiefs, or more ii "a monogram
Is desired. You steruly refuse 20 invest
In dozen oi the bargains. even TO pre-
sent to friend, and then the young
man, rather more cheerlully than be-
fore, leads YOU with delicaoy and grace
to the rear end Of the store. and arrays
himself in garment which he calls a
wrapper, and which seems TO have
been made of a slice of rainbow, cut on
when the rainbow was i'm a particularly
high-colored state. The main color is
Il delrious sky blue, with flowers OF
all the cOlors YOU ever saw bios
soming on ii, and vines of an aesthetic
assortment of tints that balk the
imagination The young man explains
that the gentleman who has Just laid
it down is one of family of German
bankers. He wanted present for n
lady, and wanted something "A trife
richer. The price of that work of art
was only ninety dollars. and il would
soften the heart of any living female.
lou explain that ninety dollars invested
IN straw berry and vanilla mixed would
beat any wrapper in the opinion of your
glrl, and the young man, concluding
that you are sordid, turns wearily away
and pulls down pair of cotton socks.
AT last you feel at home. Here is a
cheap avenue of escape; you will buy
all the cotton socks i'm the store and
get away without wounding the young
man. But in the midst of your happy
thought your blood is chilled by the re-
quest to look at those socks as the light
shines through them. You know what
that means, and, sick at heart, YOU in
quirc How much without caring
whether the light shines through
or not. Only thirty-two dollars a
dozen, the young man says; "abso-
lutely the finest thing made In the
world, and he calls your attention TO
the fact that with a pair of the socks in
your right hand and n piece of tissue
paper in the left hand you can not tell
the right hand from the left No silk
sock could be woven as fine as that,
and many gentlemen will wear nothing
else. Their feet are so small that the
size Of their shoes renders such socks
necessary.
Certainly, if you prefer n silk sock,
you can have it, and the young man
hauls ont endless pairs each a dream
of lOveliness, from the rather inferior
article at three dollars pair. which he
could, OF course, not recommend, to an
article that you will find serviceable
and satisfactory at seventy-two dollars
a dozen
If you escape the silk sock snare. you
are dazzled with series of snowy
white shirt bOsOms OF wonderful pat.
terms; some curiOusly embroidered
which you are confdentially warned
against wearing; others with little lin
en- knobs sticking out all over them, TO
initiate the fashion Of rough goods for
ladies, and others in the good old
styles that You have been used to-
Then comes the ordeal Of gazing on
what seems about one million cravats
every one different; as many scarf
pins, and twice as many collars and
cuffs. Everything j. from London or
Paris, with all sorts Of coats Of arms
stamped over foreign names. Roaring
beasts prowl around, utterng the SEN
timent "Honi soft qui NAL pensc, s"
which IS thrust at any one who may
not approve Of their actions; and the
statement, "Ich dicn, is always to be
found near ihe lions. with three little
feathers backing IL up. the young man
tells you that 'HOni soft oui
NAL y pense'' is the ma Of "1ch dien, q"
and that both wear Just such gloves as
he is Offering you Under these cir
cumstances you knucklo down, invest
a weeks fun in a pair Of gloves, with
three small mounds of black thread on
the back of each, and escape with sigh
toward the door. But II Is plain YOU do
not yet thoroughly know the young man
whom you despised You fit nervous
~ past the eighty-dollar underwear
which first unsettled you, and glancing
tmidly around AZ YOU pass "a case filed
with canes you meet the smiling eve Of
the young man and it pins You. He
hands you q beautiful cane with e
Chinese head # Oxidized silver and a
queue braided Of silver threads. Me
chaUically You raise 10 10 the light and
beg 70 know how much dozen But
as You frame the question YOU push up
the Chinaman's queue. aud from the
Chinaman mouth a let Of cologne
spray bursts forth and shoots into your
right eve
As YOU ilY on, into the cheap world
once more, rubbing your eyc, You look
iondiy at your handsome trousers. won
dcring how much they would bc worth
with the light shining through them.
and cOutcntedly wipe the tears from
your eyes with the handkerchief that
came at the rate of nine dollars and
thirty cents q dozen ~ j. Sun