West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-03-27
BEING A WOMAN.

lt is dreadful bother TO be a woman
and do the business up in good shape.
In the first place you've got to look
well, or else you're nobody. A man
may be ever so homcly and stin be- pop
ular WhiSkcrs cover up the most OF
his face, and il he has a biz mouth no.
body mistrustS IT, and If he does wrinkle
bad ON his forehead his friends spcal. ..
his many cares and his thoughtful dis
position, and tell each other that his
wrinkles are lines of thought Lines of
thought, indeed, when i'm all probabili-
~ his forehead is wrinklcd bv the bad
habit he has got OF scowliug nj his wife
when tue coffee isn't strong enough
\ woman must always hc i'm gooh
order Her hair must always bo frizzod
and banged, rs fashion demands. and she
must powder IL she has a shining sh In:
and she must manage TO look sweet,
no matter how sour she may feel; her
dress must hang just SO, and her laco
must always bc spotloSs, aud her boot
buttons always in place, and her finger
nails always clean; and then she musn't
whistle, nor climb fences. nor stone
cats, nor scold when shes mad
She can't 60 out alone, bocauso ladio.
must bc protected; she cant 70 any.
whore when IL rains, because her hal.
won't stay frizlcd and she'll ret mud
ON her potticoatS and things; she cant
be Free Mason, because she would
tell their secrets and everybody would
know all about the goat and Vridron:
she can smoke, because that would be
unfeminine; she can go counting, be-
cause that would NOT he womanly
People will sigh over her, and wonder
why il is that men don't seem to tlke:"
and all the old maids and widows smile
and keep quiet. Oh, these smiles and
these significant looks! They are ten
times more than open ISLANDERS.
1t Is n terrible thing To loo AN old
maid. Everybody knows It Is, and the
women who are married 20 drunken
husbands, and who manage 10 quarrel
with them six days ont of seven, will
1.-Two i'm an agony OF spirit ovor the
single woman and cali her that poor
old maid
A woman must marry rich 0r she
doesn't marry "well. W And TO marry
well Is the end and aim of woman's
existence, Judging from the viow which
people in general take OF this matter
IL - cVcrybody's business whom n
woman marrcs. The whole neilhbor-
hood put their heads together and talk
over the pros and cons. and decide
whether she i good enough for him.
(Ihcre IS nothing said about his being
good enough for hcr.) And they Grill
else the shape of her nose, and relate
anecdotes of how lazy her grandfather
was, and how her Aunt Sally used 10
sell beans and buttermilk A woman
must wear No boots on No. 3 feet
and she must manage to dress well ON
scvcnty-hye cents "a week, and she
musn't { be- vain, and she must be kind
TO the poor and she must 90 regularly
TO tue sewing society meetings, and bc
ready to dress dolls and make tides and
aprons for church fairs She must bo "A
good cook, and She must be able to edo
up her husbands shirts 80 that the
Chinese washorman would groln with
envy and gnash his teeth with the same
unholy passion at sight OF them.
She must always have the masculine
buttons Of the family scwed ON so thoy
will never come of while in use. and
She must keep tho family hosiery so
that nobody would ever miStrust there
were holes in the stockings while they
were on. She must hold herself i'm con-
stant readiness 20 find everything her
husband has lost--and man never
knows whore TO find anything. lie will
put his boots carefully away on the par
lor sofa, aud when hc has hunted for
thcm half an hour he will suddenly ap.
pear 20 his wife with cOuntenance
IKE an avenging angel and demand
what in thunder she has done with
hs boots. She must shut all the
doors after hor lord and master, and
likewise the bureau drawers. for mar
red man was never known 10 shut "A
drawer 10 would be- as unnatural Tor
hen 10 60 in swimming for recreation.
She must 20 ~ bel first i'm cold
weather, 80 rs 10 get she bed warm.
Her husband, If hc be n wise man.
never asks her tO do this. Oh. no, but
he sits 30 "iust finish this piece in the
paper, and waits tll she has got the
sheets 10 n comfortable temperature
An, there are great many tricks
in the trade Of living together.
woman is expected 10 take
care Of tho baby even after the
first infantilo wonder has multiplied
into round half dozen. And II he
doubles up with the collie or trials Of
cutting teeth, or tho necessary evils OF
mumps and measles and whoopmo-
cough ana tcarlct-icVcr and rash and
throat distemper and short sleeves aud
bare leg and pins sticking into him and
TOO much candy and q bad temper. why
her husband tells her that he does
wish She would try and quiet her baby"
and he says it. too, ns IF he thought .bo
alone was responsible for its being i'm
existence, and II she was considerably
10 blame for 70. too
And when she has the headache no.
body thinks of minding it-a woman's
always having the headache And II
she is nervous enough 20 Gy' nobody
shuts the door any quictor. ana nobody
tucks her on the lounge with n shawl
over her or coddlcs her 10 death rs
man has To- be coddlcd under such cir
Cumstancc-
We might 60 ON indefinitely with the
troubles Of being % woman. and II
there is "a man who thinks % woman has
an easy time Of IT, why. just lct him pin
ON pound Of false hair and oef inside
"a pair Of cor-ots. and put on % pull
back ovcr-kirt and bc woman him
-ell and see how me- likes TO- LorsV
Times
Barry Sullivan. the Irish trapediau
was playing boo Richard lf some