Savannah morning news., 1885-10-30
BRIGHT BITS.

The big hat nuisance in the audience is as
aggravating as the big head nuisance on the
stage.-Ihe Judge. f.f
THOSE who have iried it say that they
wouiu rather be struck lhree times bv light
ning Uhan once BY q hehtnipg- rod pedder,
and yet some people titink that lightning
f4uTts.- NeaCnadn Itdebefdsnt!
PROF. KoRosI announces that rich people
I'VE longer than poor people. And yet in
sih.e Of this discograr'ng fact people continue
10 be born poor. II must he attributable 10
lgRorapee.- -NOrristoo5 Hsr1d.
SOME ONE has remarked to Lord Palmerston
tnat be needed M standing army. because, If
we were invaded, the people wOnld rise As
one man. He made answer, Yes, aud tney
%qgla De Knocked down as one man. ."-E1-
A WESTERN clergyman says thatif men and
women are to dance al all they ought to dance
- IN separate rooms. Husbands viii please
take notice, and hereafter when they put
their bare foot on tack they will see to it
that II happens when their wives are in an
other room. m.-Iog16ers StQtes1eaN.
FARMERS WIFE to husband. who hae just
returned from the county fair)-Was the fair
IA asHcCess. John? re tuQ U4W
!; 1TqsgaPd-,Ye kin bet it was; over two
thousand exhibits.
Wife-I Ou don't tell mel
Husband-Yes. stree; over two thousand,
ana over fifteen hundred of 'em was in punk
kins alone. / never see sich a sight.-Ec-
chdnge.
HEBREATHED HIS SECRET .-"They say that
onions are goOd for rheumatism" remarked q
loquacious barber as he let go of has custom
er nose.
"You are troubled with rheumatism, 1 be-
lieve?"
why. YES. How did you know it?''
II didn't know II until you breathed in my
face. just take holu of my nose again and
don't let go TIL You get through talking
y eto York Journal.
oRMsBY-"W do you think of my new
overc at-one Of BluNom's, you know"
FrIend-''l gu mean you have had him press
and clean it?''
Ormsby-"Not at all. He made it for me-"
Friend-''l es; last year"
Ormsby-"On. come now, don't you think
can afford a new $50 overcOat once a year?"
Friend Don't know. But if you're going
to try to pass that coat off for this years crop
you ought to have it dislnfected of the smell
of camphOr.' -TId-Bits.
CITIZEN Ito country editor)-A pleasant
little affair occurred last night at my house,
which terminated in the marriage of my
daughter. Would you like the partlcularsy
Country Editor Weller. l might make q
short mention OF the matter. but we are badly
cramped for space.
~ httie later. Rhoiher ,CltiNn-My wife
ran away last night with another man. Do
you want the particulars 5uf
Country Editor (eagerlyy--Yes- yes. give
me the whole ousiness.--8sl0R0rk S11n
Mr.. BAsHFUL-My' daughter is m akng sur
prislng progress as an amateur artist She
recently painted a landsospe which was so
real that the lowing Of the cattle could be
heard distinctly. f,f,..--
mr.. Hashful-Pretty good; bus my darter
Sal KIN beat that. l'- pu" li 117
Mf7B .-whati has sctIr daughter been de-
veloptng as an embryonic artist? s~eI
D Mr. HI don't knowez she hes bin doin'
that, but she painted q pigtur of a green cow
cumber 80 material that 1t give the hull family
the cholera morbus.==NeapaaGn 3ndeDsHdsnt.
"YRs. my dear subJeets,p said King Thebaw
to delegation that had sealled on him, "I
have decided to hght England
But" sald the spokesman, "will not this
deprive your NJ Majestyo of the pleasure Of kill
lug uk vOurselff1 Oh q rHslH a-
"Ah well, one mast not be selfish in this
great world ! am willing to share my pleas
ure with Queen Victoria. And then you, my
dear subjects-your pleasure should be con-
sideret too. Ny method OF beheading must
have become somewhat monotonous to you.
And, besides, the Queens method is English,
y'know."-Chicd0o Neecs.
A TEAsPOONFUL THREE TINES DAY.
Farmer ito physicianl: III You git out my
way, doctor, any time, | wish you'd stop and
see my wife. She SAYS she ain'L feelin' well, -
Physician: "Wnat are some Of her symp-
tomsy" Farmer: ~ dunno. This mornin'
after she had MIXED the COWS, an fed the
stock. an got breakfast for the hands, an
washed the dishes, an built fire under the
soft-soap kettle in the lane. an done few
chores bout the house, she complained o.
feelin' kinder tired. ! shouldn't be surprised
II her blood wasn't ont of order. 1 guess she
needs dose of medicine. -Hdrper's Bdsdr.