Milford chronicle., 1885-04-24
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
HUMOROUS NOTES FOUND IN THE
COLUMNS OF OUR EXCHANGEs'
Editors Have the Lead-An Easy Mind
Her Delicate Hint-WOrse Lands Thnn
This-The Month for Lovers, Etc
EDITORS TAKE THE LEAD.

EDITORS TAKE THE LEAD.
Maude-I intend to marry a banker
when I marry. and then I'll wear seal
akin sacoue for every month in the
wear. and nv toilets will be the admira-
ton and envy of the feminine world.
Belle-I intend to marry q plumper:
Then I will not have any anxiety ABOUT
the bursting of banks and other corpora
tions. The waterpipes will have to do
the bursting for my husband. And you
can depend on it that my toilets VIII be
Blanche You're just terribly of,
girls, l intend to marry an editor.
Then I won't need any nice toilets. But
You'll see me appear in the paper next
morning resplendent as Solomon IN an
his glory. And your poor earthly raj
ment will Just crawl into corner ana
hide its diminished head. You're well
come to your bankers and plumbers
Int I'm looking around for nice ell
oible editor, and when I get him You
can wager q six. button pair OF gloves
that ri make my female acquaintances
Just weep with envy.
Maude-Oh, how awfully nice ] I'm
going to marry an editor too.
Belle-And so am l. Washington
Hdtcbet.
WORSE LANDS THAN THIS.
Mrs. Farmer John: ooh, I am 80 sick
and tired Of this humdrum existence.
/ wish 1 had been born in Italy instead
Of this practical workaday country.
Travelled Guest: "And why in Italy,
"Oh. I don't know, only Italy is the
home Of art, you know. I suppose even
fine country women there all bPs.a ,0'rf5or-
tupities to crafty their art'@-Se Instincts.
They sing, or paint, or draw, don't
they ?"
drawing"
principally ?"
her DELICATE HINT.
Mr.. Algernon-''I am thankful ! am
not the only man who don't know how
to be agreeable to ladies.
Miss Eulalia (who has been keeping
out of his way)-'I-I don't quite un-
derstand, Mr.. Algenon."
''Well, an operatic friend OF mine told
me to-day that Patti hated Nicolini SO
heartily at one time that she would not
speak to him, see him, or even sing IN
the theater where he was employed.
"I guess that was the time she was
falling in love with him.
No cards.-PiladeLphia Cali
PAYING FOR A ''CHEsTNUT.
Husband (fond of putting poseTs)-
s'Mv dear, what was Eve made for r
Wife "a clever woman)-'H'm-what
was Eve made for? I shall have to give
it up" -
Wife-"Why, to be sure. He, bnS
he I! By the way, dear, can you gllually
have $40 this morning"
Husband-(' Certainly ca
want. Adam'a express cor
ha ha Amt That a good
= GFRSS8B 1ii!i1l5 TUE wnSs- :nerely
"Your little boy has not Soo's to
school for several days, and called to
see if he was sick.
"Oh, no, nam; the little buck is
hearty, but you see the weather has
been so windy I was afraid to let
"You surprise me. How could the
wind interfere with his coming to
school ?"
"Why, you see, nam, I was afraid
the rags would whip the poor child TO
death. p Chicago Ledger.
HINT.
Little Billy, who was about four years
old, after waiting a good while with
commendable patience, said:
''Mamma, may I have some sardines
and bread ?"
To which the fond mother replied:
scNot now, Billy. Wait until l am
ready TO give them to you"
'But. ma, it's me who's hungry not
you. .u.,
with tears.
DROP IT.
When I first saw Long bridge, in
1861. a squad of Confederates guarded
the Virginia end, while few regulars
guarded the Washington end. All the
market wagons had to pass both pickets.
IL was q common thing in the early
morning to hear a picket challenge like
/ this:
''Who goes there?"
"Marketman with shad.
advance marketman and drop onS
shad. ."-Eli Perkins.
ENJOYING A SQUARE MEAL.
care you enjoying your dinnerr
asked Bobby of the minister, who was
taking Sunday dinner with the family.
'Yes, Bobby, " responded the minister
pleasantly.
mamma said this morning that she
thought you would, as she didn't sup
nose that with your small salary and
bie family you got much to eat from
one weeks end to the other. M r
Times.
PERFECTLY CLEAR MIND.
A Modern Gentleman - "You say
there's no hope for me, doctor p
''None at all.
''No possible chance?"
s'None; and I would advise You to
settle up your business and relieve your
mind"
"Oh. my mind is all right, doctor. 1
owe about three times as much as l am
worth. - Drake's Magazine.