The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-24
THE MERRY SIDE!

Ed. Harrington was burned to death in a dog
gerry at Troy, N. Y. This burning was done or
the outside of the body.
Philadelphia had a celebration by Maenner.
chor Singing Society. 1t was highly enjoya-
BILE affair-for deaf man.
John Brown, of Newark, was injured while
drawing load from q gun. The load came
faster than John expected.
They Penitentiary peopl in Ohio for minol
offenses-at least Cincinnati woman was sem
there with baby in her arms.
An Ohio woman has gone completely back on
Creamery butter. She read about them melt
ingup dead people in "creamatory."
80
The Democrats might have saved expenses by
letting the election go by default at the polls
and carrying 1t up to the Supreme Court.
+.<
The price of murder is getting cheap. A man
was murdered at Lima, Ohio, for six dollars
Even the newspaper men are no longer safe.
1t will take the toe of public opinion to hoist
Glib Atherton Off the Supreme Bench. And
this should be applied at once, and vigorously
Sunset Cox writes to friend, threatening to
return from Turkey, and run for Congress next
year. Can't we have special quarantine act
Adelina Patti is going to make another "fare-
well tour" of the United States, next year. AS
a farewell traveller Patti leads them all.
The best thing the Bulgars and Servians can
do is to tie Milan and Alexander together and
hang them over a line, and let them fight it out
+.~
Democrat soliloquizing-"Th Senate is Re-
publican, the Vice President is Republican
the President is-the Devil himself couldn't tell
what he is.
Newt. Dennis, of Richmond, Indiana, has
quit whipping his wife. 1t didn't pay She
seized butcher-knife and didn't leave an en-
trail in him.
Uncle Sammy Tilden wants our coasts de-
Tended more thoroughly. We believe Uncle
Sammy did have some trouble on the coast of
Florida, once.
"Par1s, the sculptor. is working on Hendricks
bust" That's nothing Half the artists in the
country are working on their own "busts' more
than half the time.
Advertisements of "a cure for drunkenness u
appear in the papers. Stay away from the dog
geries, and no cure is needed. Did you ever
think of this?
One of the beauties of American civilization
is that when a great man dies, his friends have
to guard his tomb with shot-guns until the
thieves forget about him.
Parties at Detroit are preparing claims for
for a vessel lost in the West Indies
in 1799 The claim will probably be settled in
the Day of Judgment.
s'My DEAR" said the married man, as he care
fully examined the dates on his ledger for a
year back, ''don't get me any Christm as-glft
this year I don't need anythingp'
-
The people of the United States should pre-
pare to treat them kindly. We mean the mis-
sionaries who will probably be sent here from
other countries, to preach humanity to the
Chinese.
A Connecticut woman applied for divorce,
on the ground that her husband Rugged her too
stoutly. 1t ought to have been granted her, for
that man wouldn't have been single for two
weeks.
John Thomas, near Macon, Georgia, heard a
noise in the lot, and fired two shots, bagging
the old man and mule. The boy was bound
to protect that property, if he killed all the
mules in Georgia.
Hamilton County Infirmary Directors sold ten
cows, to buy feed for the rest of the stock. Now
let them trade the rest of the stock for whisky,
and the Institution will be one worthy of Gin
cinnati.
E. w and Dan. Hayes. living at Walton, Illi-
nois, have won suit for nine thousa nd dollars,
after eight years lawing. After the attorneys
are paid they will not perhaps be out more than
three or four thousand.
The new crematory at Mt. Olivet, N. Y, leaks.
This of course will have to be remedied. A man
don't want to hire his grandmother burned, and
have half of her leak out in smoke and steam.
Bob Merryman, of Canton, Ohio, poisoned
himself because he was poor, and loved a young
married woman. His mother gave him an
cured him of his poison, and his
love.
Col. Jake Kemple, of Parkersburg, was ar
arrested in Maine, for jumping hotel bills. He
was lecturing ON "Why walked Home from
Washington" The public knows, now, why he
walked.
Carl Baul, at Cummlnsville, was robbing
house, when little girl woke up. "Keep STILL"
said the thief, '.I'm Kriss Krinkle." She went
to sleep again, but now she can go over to the
and see "Kriss'' whenever she
wants to.
The western traveller was telling how at one
time he had been completely covered by land
slide, when little boy. after looking him all
over carefully, exclaimed: "And you hain't
got it all often you yit!'
"My dear, dear husband!" said Mrs. Arnold,
of Cincinnati, to Charley Jones, the baseball
player, as she slammed his eyes full of cayenne
pepper. Wifely devotion has often been spoken
Of very strong. but that's the first time it has
been demonstrated to be that hot.
+.-
1t would have required train over two miles
long to haul Vanderbilt's money, were it all in
silver dollars. How inconvenient-when most
Of us could take all our money and travel on
hand-car-or even walk!
-.
Dan Dalton is reported to have said that "he
wouldn't let Jesus Christ take one of those tally
sheets for examinationv In view OF the result,
everybody believes Dan. Jesus is vindicated.
He had nothing to do with it.
-
About the toughest punishment criminal
has to undergo, in these days, is the printing of
his portrait. Some of these efforts at enterpris-
ing Journalism would kill an ordinary GRIM
inal.
Some fellow stole lot of hats at the Saliva
ton Army meeting, at Ironton, one having
upon it the inscription "Prepare to meet thy
God.' The thief would possibly obey the in
junction, but he isnn't going tn at way.
50
Peter Rock, of Macedonia, N. j., attempted to
whip Rev. Elijah Hammett, in Church. The
minister prayed for protection, and got it. He
got it by shooting Pete in front of the altar.
A new Jersey man has discovered process
for making artificial eggs. Quite convenience,
as you can have them put up already seasoned
But it's hard on grocers. Don't give them a
chance to lie about the rotten ones.
"You know how the s to business is now ="
says the Democrat, referring to the Supreme
Court decision in the Cincinnati cases. Yes,