Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-03
THE BABY AND THE MILK,
New York Tribune.

New York Tribune.
''Storyi It don't amount to any
thing" said the tall drummer In car
riage hardware, land as it is not like
ly TO be IN favor with this crowd, [
don't expect you will appreciate it.
Then, again that New Haven party
wants to tell something Let him get
his chestnut off, and then [ will give
way"
ooh what have to tell you is to
much. It's about getting off trains.
/ took the Pennsylvania Road out to
Philadelphia and the car was crowded.
At some little station a thin, lanky
chap came in with big oil painting
stretched on a wooden frame, one of
those lfe-9verlasting things, good for
fireboard, with canvas enough for
the Genesta's spinnaker. It was the
meanest daub you ever saw, spinach
foliage, poached-egg sunset, lager
beer and ginger pop waterfall. The
cussed thing would have given you
graduated eyelids III five minutes
Oh, am aesthetic; travelled for four
years with white lead, hnseed oil, and
painters sundries. Well, how the feI-
low got in tie car at all don't know.
He was q perfect nuisance. He car
ried his Michael Raphael through the
the narrow aisle of the cars and barked
all the passengers heads with the
sharp corners Of the frame. He wasn't
willing to put it in the baggage car,
couldn't hang her up, lay her down,
or lean her up against anything so he
had to stand up with that nightmare
In oil. Some Of the boys began to guy
him: Chromos wont pa yyou enough
to ante up with the old man for q
single jack pot, said one of the fellows.
Leave him alone, said another. He's
going out West to open an art empor-
ium. Contracted with the United
States to skeer every Apache into Mex
leo showing around with that pig
shoe."' Take her off her frame, roll
her up, and when it rains it Will sned
the water off you, said drummer in
the rubber line.
''The man with the work Of art
you couldn't see his face behind his
pictorial screen-didn't seem 10 like
the fun poked at him. Presently he
said, Sorry you do not appreciate
work of art, 1t Was ever thus. Any
ways it's pearls before swine but I
shan't trouble you long because I am
to get off at the first station. Then
the conductor came around, and said
that it was through train, and didn't
stop where the man wanted to. The
man with the picture found out that
he had got on the wrong car. Seeing
the fix he was in the conductor agreed
to slow up at some station, SO that the
man with his picture might get off.
Sure enough, when some little coun-
try town was reached brakes were put
on, and the man sided through the
cars with his drafted picture, and got
on the platform ready for spring.
The engineer did not slow much, or
may be just as the engineer was stop
ping the locomotive one of our fellows
cut of devi,tsv gave pull at the bell
rope, for off we started with q jerk.
The man with the picture had to jump
but somehow the many square miles
of canvas in his arms acid the wind.
1t was like a ship when her sails were
taken aback. The art amateur went
fast enough, but the picture didn't.
You have seen the circus rider go
through a hoop covered with paper?
That's what that man did without
any horse. He reared, he did, and
went heaG-foremost, plumb, and
plunged through that work of art, all
by himself, and landed safe on the
other side of it. That picture perish,
ed right then and there, bat the frame
stood the racket We just screamed
with laughter for the next twenty
miles"
MY story" said the New York
man, isn't bit funny, Maybe some
of you know Hiram B Stebblns? He's
in feathers, artificial flowers, ladies'
notions, hat trimmings and such. A
morose. cross kind OF man, that
don't make friends outside of the
trade. They do say that when he
was young he was q real nice fellow,
but bothering with -aen milleners
and women IN the bonnet business
and trying to keep abreast of the fash
ions soured g naturally good temper.
Well, Hiram B. Stebbins is not a bit
sociable, and sort OF chap to let
alone. Never understood joke IN
his life.
awe often crossed one another on
the road, but after saying 'Howd'ye'
that's all the words we exchanged. a
year ago I met him going vest from
Dubuque on a scalding hot day In
July; thermometer away up in the
nineties and the car just In blaze !;
the car full, and great many women
aboard. Just back of me was mics
looking young woman dressed in deep
mourning, and she held a baby in her
arms, a wee, wee thing, and tina. child
was wailing pitifully. and the young
woman was crying. It was just a
mite of child, puny looking and,
should judge. barely six weeks old.
Back of her sat Stebbins, looking as
cross and surley as bear with sore