River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-07-23

oOSPN PIE - ultHllOuctl Us Que Oh lHt
causes of dyspepsia. One of the causes
OF soggy pie is young married women.
Prince Henry of Battenberg is short
ly to be given the garter by Queen Vic
toria. The Princess Beatrice goes with
it.
A Spartanburg woman is so clearly
that she uses two rolling-pins one for
the pastry and the other for her hus-
band head.
A bachelor says that the giraffe is a
great improvement over woman, as
that animal has never been known to
utter a sound.
can Indiana young woman has in
vented a piano-st0ol that rests the
back" Her next door neighbor will
now be sure to move into another
block.
A woman pointed an old pistol at a
tramp and blazed away until she shot
a calf worth S35 The tramp is tickled
to think she didn't aim at the calf. -
Exchange.
What this great throbbing public is
yearning for is a scientist who will
| discovera woman willing to acknowl-
edge that any other woman's dress
does not hang like rag.
Hello, Dick, been to the lecturer"
inquired friend, as they met about
1 II o'clock in the street, outside of a
public hall. mo but I'm going to
one now, replied Dick. as he made
/ for home.
Perhaps the utmost extreme
intense agony has been reached when
a woman dislocates her jaw and her
obliging neighbor comes in and inform
/ her that Mrs. Jones says she's a mean,
/ spiteful, gossiping old harridan.
1t is said that a young lady can
never whistle in the presence of her
/ lover. The reason is obvious. He
doesn't give her chance. When she
gets her lips in a proper position for
whistling something else always occurs.
A female teacher in a public school
was amazed the other day by seeing q
perfect forest of Juvenile hands fly up
in the air and shake and gesticulate
wildly. ''What do you want?' queried
the puzzled instructor. Chorus: Eyer
hairs falin, off.
Fathcr-in-law: ''Well Mr. Heinrich,
now tell me candidly, have you reason
to be perfectly satisfied with my
daughtcr?" Son-in-law: ''My dear sir,
the only complaint | have to make is
that YOU did not kick me out of doors
when came to solicit her hand.
Poetry, a waxed mustache, mystery,
long hair, and a sweet tenor voice will
often make a woman feel as if there
was only sheet of tissue paper between
Heaven and herself, but it is the man
with the wart on his nose and six fig
ures in his bank balance who scoops her
in and makes her happy afterward.
A bashful young man who was afraid
to propose to his sweetheart induced
her to fire at him with pistol, which
he assured her was only loaded with
powder: and after she had done so fell
down and pretended to be dead. She
threw herself wildly upon the body,
calling him her darling and her beloved;
whereupon he got up and married her.
He called me Popsey, Sweet, and pet,
When we began our married life,
His guiding star, his loved Annette,
His hope, his Joy, his darling wife.
These fond endearmentS are all DER
And though his heart no doubt is true,
hear those pretty names more,
For now he calls me Say there, your
The editor of a Buffalo newspaper
recently asked his subscribers to name
the ten most important inventions of
all time More than 800 answers were
received, and the fact that the ten in
ycntions awarded'the most votes did
not include the luminous key-hole"
shows that the Buffalo editor has very
few married men among his subscribers.