davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-10-17

Talking about sensible women, said
a drummer. at the Harper house last
evening, 1--WE got one of EN-. My wife
is the most sensible woman that ever
lived. I'll back her against all creation
When 90 home and tell her of my little
tlirtations while ont on the road she takes
the iiveliest kind of an interest in them
and laughs at them AS much as | do
She keeps hired girl, and the last girl
we had was very comely lass. Now,
you needn't laugh ut me. hut my wife
once caught me kissing the girl, or the
girl kissing me- don't know which il
was. 1t broke the poor girl all up
She went up to her room and got her
things together, and was about to leave
the house, when my wife 'led her where
she was going. The girl snivelcd and
said that after what had happened she
thought she had better 60.
Nonsense said My wife; take Off
your things and stay right here. You
are just the girl want If both of us
together can give him enough kisses to
please him and keep him home evenings
| shall be happy.
''Fhe girl stayed, and that is what |
call a sensible kind of u wife, don't your"
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-10-17

They admitted that my styles
in every way did excel,
And there was more to select
from they could truly tell;
My stock entire was ahead of
any they had seen,
For through every store over
there they had been.
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-10-17

Now, really Mrs. Brown. know
we cannot do better,
You see yourself the goods are
as represented to the letter.;
But, really Mrs. Jones, | can
decide just yet,
And before ] shall purchase |
want to see another set.
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-10-17

To sell them now was rs easy
as rolling a off log,
For the skies had got clear and
they were out of the fog;
They concluded hereafter it was
useless to look around,
For right here in Rock Islam
to buy they were bound.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
..l,Ieyer. prueea CleYer.r

Squire w. W. Watkins resides IN
vandaiia, and John Cunningham near
VandaIla. The Squire owed John
twenty cents and John was detersnin-
ed that the Squire should not forget
the debt, so he reminded him Of it
every time they met. They met last
Saturday and John said TO the
Squire remember your obligation
and the Squire responded, saying:
John, / don't know anything about
that twenty cents, but if you will
| make affidavit that owe it TO you ]
will pay it," John professed q will
lingness to do so. The Squire adj
ministered the oath and paid John
the twenty cents but made him hand
back twenty-five cents for the afliia-
Wit. On the part of Squire Watkins
this was "a happy thought aud il
certainly deserving of being "book.
ed.n-Bowling Green Times.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
A Lawyers Audacity.
From the Albany Express.

1t is narrated that John K. Porter,
now famous throughout the State for
his brilliant attainments, when a
you1g man, was assigned by the
court the defense of man charged
with assault in the second degree. to
give the accused the best advice he
could under the circumstances. and
to bring the case to a trial with all
convenient speed. Porter lmmedi-
ately retired to an adjacent room to
consult with his client, and returned
shortly without him.
"Where is your client?" demanded
the astonished Judge.
He has left the place, / guess.
replied Porter, with the most refresh
ing sang .troid.
LEFT the place! Why, what d.
YOU mean, Mr.. Porter?"
why. your Honor directed m
to give him the best advice / coul'
lunier the circumstances. He toll
me he was guilty, so l advised him t
cut and run for it. He took my ad
vice, as client ought, opened til
window and skedaddled. He is abor
, II mile away now
Il The very audacity of the youu
barnster deprived the Court of Il
power of speech, and nothing eau
of the matter.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
HES. W. r. r. Goes up.

HANNIBAL, Mo-, January 30
Messrs. Hayward and Post, repre-
senting the Central Missouri Rail
road, were present at a meeting OF
the stockholders of the Hannibal and
Southwestern Railway to-day. The
object of the meeting was to have
the stock subscribed to the Hanni-
bal and Southwestern transferred to
the Central Missouri. The charter
obtained for the Hannibal and South
western has elapsed and the transfer
will be made. The Hannibal and
Southwestern was originally surveyed
and the right of way secured from
Hannibal to Kansas City, but recent
lily the line was surveyed from
Brownsville or Arrow Rock to Alton
and thence to East ST. Louis. Th'
name was changed in applying TO
1.-The new charter
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
Differen tIdeas About Rail Roads,

From the Kansas City Times.
Mr.. johnson, representative from
Montgomery, has fancy that a rail-
road company can never be right and
that he can never be wrong if he
fights what a railroad wants. This
idea governs him almost as wholly as
the license law does the senator. He
aud Mr.. Curtis of st. Louis, whose
notion is that railroads are eleemosy-
nary institutions, to be maintained
out of public funds, and are managed
with a pious and single view to please
the people are always ON opposite
sides. They debated a question o.
lfreights recently. Both being law
yers their ideas ON the methods o
carrying and storing cattle wer
mixed. They had live horses AM
cattle stored in warehouses amon'
cheese, butter and cabbage and tr1e
to agree on some way of appiyln
the same warehouse regulations t
all. Between them they viii kee
both ends of the railroad problel
!, up, and there will be some level law
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
Commodore Deeatur's Bet

kFfotH the Cfeftiaitu t@tauSf.f
The following anecdote of Com
modore, Decatur was told at re-
cent meeting of the Sons of Veterans
of 131.. held in New York. Decatur,
commanding the frigate United
States, while stationed at Gibraltar
before, the outbreak of the war OF
1912, became acquainted with Capt.
Garden, of the British frigate Mace
donian. The air was full of the COM
ing strife, and the two officers often
discussed the situation. "Til bet
you a silk hat" said Garden, one day,
"that if we over come into action to-
getber I'll take your ship" Deca-
tur took the bet. They, did meet
not long after war was declared, and
!, after a hard fight the Macedonia
struck her colors. Garden, much
, Inundated, presented his sword to
r the victor, in the presence of most
of the officers of both vessels. Deca
r tur, drawing himself mp to his full
! height, said, in tone loud enough
! for all to hear: ''t'apt. Garden,
q do not want your sword-but II
: take that hat"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
A Remarkable Eseape.

Mrs. Mary A. Daley, of Tunk-
hammock, Pa. was afflicted for six
wears with Asthma and Bronchitis,
during which time the best physi-
clans could give no relief. Her life
was despaired of, until in last 0cto-
her she procured a bottle of DIR.
Kings New Discovery, when inme-
diste relief was felt, and by eontinn-
| ing its use for short time she was
completely cured, gaining in fiesh 30
pounds in few months. Free trial
bottles of this certain cure of all
Throat and Lung Diseases at j. +,
Llewellyn's drug store. Large bottles
lSi.c0. 1w
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
ing around he'll stir you up until you

ing around he'll stir you upuntl you
think Of bumbie-bees.
The fare may possibly be as good
as you get at home, while the pay Of
q veteran sailor is about the same as
a veteran ditch-digger. It's all right
to read about the s.heaving sea" in
poetry, but when the heaying sea
heaves the ship q boy about your
age will wish for his bed in the cham
ber of the old Virginia homestead.
You may see the sun rise out of or
sink into the lake, but you'll have tar
on your hands. and ache in your
back, and the mate close behind you.
You'll see gulls, but the smell Of
the dark forecastle win make you
forget the gull question pretty sud
denly. Maybe they'll let you have
hammock, but after You are called
out of it at midnight to go aloft in q
gale and hang on with toes and eye
lids the romance viii disappear.
How do I knowa Didn't / try il
once upon time! Yes, I did, ane
it didn't take two days to conyinc'
me that 'piowing the raging main
was the hardest plowing any human
being ever tried. If l hadn't sailes
| I should want to be sailor. Moth
ing will do for you but to try it
Make your arrangements, therefore
and if you are not downed on tn
first voyage, and can find your wa
back to Virginia. you'll return hom
: and be willing to turn a grindstone q
| day long.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
0nrroufessjon.

We find the following In last weeks
Centralia Guard.
Mr.. r. NJ. White, Mexico, Mo--Your
confession Is perfectly satisfactory. Now
NAV you live to learn TO undo what men
have taught you is untrue. VI. NJ SHOW.
We presume this Is base forgery ON The
lady for we are sure she could not, shor'
of a roIumne, as large as the bible, say a
much as she IL represented in the above
| We Judge from her letters. Very oftei
she has written Is pages Is times weel
In order to tell that she has been appoint
ed to save Bob White, no matter hos
much salt Il took.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
JOB PRINTING!.
AMER The Ipostemee.
THE
VERY LOWEST. LIVING RATES.

A stranger who had just stepped
OF the train accosted the proprietor
Of the Central-Ringo with the query:
'sWhere's the peetefaces"
up there replied Mr.. Lewis
Hord, with an inde6aite wave of his
hand, and then, with an annoyed
look on his face, ne vanished.
where's the Tr,stoffiee 7" inquired
the stranger Of Bob Stacey. whom he
met. Honey gave him a search
ing look and muttered, IS he passed
Ion:
"Corner.n
The stranger was still at . loss to
know which way to wend his steps,
when he came face to face with little,
squat, wrinkled.faeed man who wore
q battered plug hat and looked like a
/ played-out politician. As pleasantly
!. as he could the stranger asked:
Where's the corner? I'm after
the postoflee.
A look of amusement came upon
the little, squat mans wrinkled face
and he hlurted out:
/ 'sThe thunder you are
/ Half an hour later the stranger
succeeded in finding The postonee,
nut SIS he was about to enter large
crowd gathered about him and a taii'
, unshasen man detained him and thus
! spoke:
stranger, were peaceae'e ana
an hospitable people. We behave
ourselves toward everybody thae DC
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
These are solid Facts.

The best blood purifier and system
regulator ever placed within the
reach Of suffering humanity, truly -
Electric Bitters. Inactivity of the
Liver, Biliousnrss, Jauuaice, Consti-.
patton. Weak Kidneys. or any dis
ease of the urinary organs, or Who
ever requires an appetizer. tonic os
mild stimuIant, will always find Elee-
tric Bitters the hest and only certain
cure known. They act surely and
quickly, every bottle guaranteed ts
/ siye entire satisfaction or money re-
funded. Sold at f;fty cents bottle
by j. +. Llewellsn. lw
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
United States Army.

To the Editor Of the Ledger.
LApDoNIA. Mo-, Feb. 9.-What Is
the size of the regular army OF the
United States at present? And please
give me the names of the generals OF
the different grades, with their pay.
SOLDIER.
The maximum force allowed by
the existing law is 2, 2,l55 commissioned
officers and $4,000 enlisted men,
The generals of the different grades
are as follows: Lieutenant Genera
Philip Il. Sheridan, general; Win
field S. Hancock, John nj. Sehofielf
and John Pope, msjor generals; Oil
yer o. Howard, Alfred H. Terry
Christopher C. Augur, George Crook
Nelson A. Miles and Ranald S. Nc
Kenzie. brigadier-generals. The pa
of the general is $500; major ger
erals. $1,000; brigadier generals
tS5. 500.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
Circumstances Alter Weather.
KanfucLu SiafA .IaurNdl.

"Johnny, run across the street to
the grocery and get me a cents worth
of yeast"
''Oh, doggone it, mother; what do
YOU want me to 60 out in sich cold
weather as this fur? You want me
to freeze, do you?"
Just then boy chum of Johnny's
whistied for him, and looking out the
window and seeing the whistler with
a pair of skates hanging on his arm,
said:
"Oh, mother, there's Sammy Boies
out there with his skates and wants
me to 90 a skatin' with him. Kin
go?''
Its too cold my son. You nigh
freeze"
/ mo, it hain't cold at all. Jis
| look out and see how warm it looks
Iii git yer yeast"
u And lie seized the cent lying o
the table and was out and across
the grocery in few seconds wlthou
E even putting on his coat. which is
t tirst-class sample of boy nature.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
Try Yourself.

The proof of the pudding is not in
chewing the string, but in having an
opportunity to try the article your
self. Dohyns & Gibbs, the Druggist,
has a free trial hottie ofDr. Bosanko g
Cough and Lung Syrup for each and
every one who is afflicted with
Coughs, Colds, Asthams. Consump'
Ii n or any Lung Affection.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
Fastest Mile.

To the Editor Of the Ledger.
yANpALIA, Mo-, Feb. 1O.-What
is the fastest mile ever made by a
trotter and the fastest mile ever made
bv a PAGER, and by what horses!
TURTLE.
Maude S. made the fastest pile
ever tro,ted. at Lexington. KY, on
November IL last. Her time was
| 2 :o9 IA. The fastest mile even
made by a PAGER was accomplished
nv Johnson at Rochester, N. T., las
August, and at Chicago ON Octohe
8, following. His time was z:oe l.
at both places
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

mistook me for deposltor, and be-
gan to make an elaborate apology.
Sorry for banker. He's in o worse
hole than am.
January l5-Anything for an hon
est living. I turn heggar. Fright
ened a messenger boy out OF 10 cents;
beer and a wiener wurst sandwich.
January ls-Tried to melt a book
keeper. Told truth when said ]
hadn't eat anything for forty eight
hours. Bookkeeper sorry, but said
he was eight or ten meals behind
himself.
January l9-Robbed blind man in
an alley. Got all he had-20 cents.
He said he was hungry, hut l told
him his eyes were bigger than bis
stomach.
January 2O-Couldn't beg any.
thing or rob anybody, SO 1 stole Q
! ride on street car, just to keep my
hand IN.
: January 23-Met q member o.
I; Merchants Exchange, who Offered
: me deal in May wheat for my goot
j will and the route l was working
n Took the deal; afterwards sorry.
e January 26-Coli broke and mis-
e cradle. Broke open poor-box in Cath
h olic Church on jefferson avenue
q Only spiel mark in box.
K, January 27 Enter into partner
'r ship with another beggar. / knoc
man down on my route and kick
IN colored man in the jaw. No none.
l. My partner had his overcoat stole
ID and ] lent him mine.
Il. January 29-Have seen nothing
<, overcoat or my partner since la
'a night. Am hungry and cold. Fe
desperate. Will give myself up
II. police and ask to be stripped of n
Iit personal liberty for the remainder
III the winter.
IS P. ST. have done the best I cou
1t to keep out of Jail, but probably ha
nd made some mistakes, owing to t
go hardness of the times. They a
W. the worst in my recollection. l q
IT, sorry that l threw away my time
working a lot of paupers, and 1 prol
Use never to rob a man woman
Lte child in St. Louis, or anywhere el
TO- again, until the silver lining of I
nd present financial cloud flashes its
re. on nv glims.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
She BUYS Some Choice Cigars.

Two young ladies entered Weimer's
cigar store, and one of them faid,
timidly:
Have you got any choice cigars,
sirs / wart them for a present
"Oh, yes, MISS" replied Urban
"we have any choice you like from a
cent piece up
II think I will take some Of the
one cent ones, then, if they are
choice. had no idea choice cigars
were SO cheap. Won't Mr.. Power
| be delighteds" she said to her com
panion, as they left the store. "Poo
boy! he is SO fond of a choice cigar
and they viii taste all the better,
she added, with little blush, ''fo
having come from me-
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
A Valuable Hint.

"What are you buying nows" asked
Ned Stevenson of Andrew Pow
ell, on meeting the latter in Pollard's
iewelry store. 81 am looking for some
present to give my wife on her birth
day. I tell you, making presents
costs a lot of money" "Why don't you
do as 1 do? I have never failed te
make my wife present on her birth
day every year for twenty-five years
and I am not ont cent thus Tar.
s.How do you manage it,
1T is very simple. After we wer'
married, when her birthday cam
around I gave her a twenty dolia
gold piece. When my birthday cam
around she gave me the twenty doiia
piece back, and we have kept that u
: ever since, and neither OF us are ou
! | a cent"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

A farmer was saving wood, when
it occurred to him that he ought to
have the help of one or more OF his
five boys. Lifting up his voice he call
ed, but not boy appeared. At din
ner, of course, all appeared, and it
was not necessary to call them.
.sWhere were you all about two hours
ago when I wanted you and shouted
for you?" 81 was in the shop settln'
the saw" said one. "And I was II
the barn settin' hen," said the
|second. Il was in gran mas room
|settin' the clock" said the third
81 was in the garret setin' the trap,
said the fourth. ''You are a re
markable set," remarked the farm
Ter. "And where were you!" he con
tinued, turning to the youngest: "
was ON the doorstep, settin stiil'
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

eyes, observed the widow, ssis
was rather disgrace to have bim
hanged, bat you don't know what a
relief it is for me to know where be
! is at night time
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
First Class In Geagraphy.

New York School reacher-Which
is the highest mountain in our State
Boy-S,ng Sing.
Teacher-Why!
Boy-Father went up q year ago
and hasn't come down yet
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
MARnADuKE,s caPruRE.
The True story Of How the General was
Taken IN.

The Springfield South,cester re-
porter met s. NJ. Bhittem, . well
known resident OF the county, who
served in tue fifteenth Missouri cav
airy during the war and fought Price
from one end Of the state to the
other. In recalling war reminiscent
ces he said he had never seen true
account of the capture Of Gen. Mar
maduke.
II have seen the account OF nom
commissioned officer of Kansas reg
iment riding down upon him and
capturing him single-handed, and l
have seen other accounts equally
false, but never anything that even
approximated the truth"
Were you present when he was
taken mp
well, l should say was. !
could almost reach out and touch
him. During the fight he became
separated from his troops and in the
smoke rode into our lines. We were
fighting in with a battery. and almosa
as soon as he appeared we knew whn
} he wns. This mistake was nntural
one as they were, to O great extent,
clothed in federal uniforms which
they had from time to time captured
E hut the instant he found himself
close enough to recognize the faces o1
I the men he saw his mistake, ant
then he did something that Away
: made me admire his pluck and dur
# ing"
it "What was that?''
e "Wilhout hesitation he rod
q straight at the battery, and in lou
:. commanding tone ordered it to th
- - rear. The audacity of the act pars
,e lived the men for minute, and n
$, effort was made to capture him
a Finally boy artilleryman reache
't out, and catching the bridle OF Ma
:, - maduke's horse ordered him to su
of render, at the same time THROWN
at his gun down on him. He surre'
nc .lered. and I, with others, was d.
10 tailed to guard him up to head4ua
ne ters. l met him here last year al
- recalled the circumstances to hir
nd Yes he SAID, with laugh, i i
re member it quite WELL That is tt
tn true story"
I'm ..You don't know the name OF t
I'D hoy artilleryman?'
bn ..No; he belonged to Kans
nd battery. | believe"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

Go to T. F. Roden's if you want
fresh groceries of all kinds. 4-u
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

The Board Of Health and Advertisers.
The following was published in the.
St. Louis Sunday Sayings, and COM
ing from a man who is opposed to
doctors advertising it is rich reading:
..Dr. j. G. Hearne, Nj. D., regular
professional, is kept very busy in
sweeping the state clean of physicians
who advertise in the papers. What
ever a physician does. he must on no
account advertise, so says the august
secretary of the state board, and he
keeps an eagle eye on the newspapers,
and whenever he sees professional
brother who dares to announce him.
self through their columns he sweeps
down on that brother and has him ar
rested and puts him through with the
vigor that the dignity of the profes-
sion and the standing of that august
body the state board of health and its
august secretary requires.
So the younger brethren have
learned to regard the secretary with
certain degree of veneration that il
;. touching. They look upon him al
the custodian of the dignity of th'
profession and the sentinel who pre-
vents the surrepti,ious entrance o
specialists or advertisers.
Especially does DR.. Hearne invelg
against specialists who advertise sc
cret remedies, or remedies unknow
!, to the profession. "This is extreme
-. ly unprofessionaI,' he says. eff
- doctor makes discovery he shoul
Q at once unfold it to the professio
for the henefit of mankind"
! This ground is undoubtedly we
= taken, and there are few of the reg
: lars who would care to dispute d
"A Hearne's position on advertisers al
:. specialists. 1t was then with fe'
= ing of mingled surprise and pain th
a Sayings man yesterday became 8
auainted with the fact that this sal
N DR.. Hearne, secretary of the Sta
Il" Board of Health, started his succe
'a' as physician by the use of advert
ing mediums; in fact that he /
'o' been most liberal and persistent ;
' vertiser.
10 The following verbatim copy of
III advertisement that appeared in
Courier of Hannibal will Doubt
'"' prove ofelnterest to DR.. Hearne 9
'e' his friends. 1t will be noticed t
IN" IN he makes known to the public by
:" that he is in possession of SEE
g" remedy. not known to the med
~ profession:
L. c. HAYS. NJ. D. J.C. HEARNE, n
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
NO DETENTION FROM BUSINESS /,

~TREATMENT MILD, AND ATTENDED
WITH LITTLE If ANY PAIN. AND No
DANGER TO BE FEARED.
WE USE A METHOD WHICH Is NEW AND
ORIGINAL, AND is NUT KNOWN TO IHE
MEDICAL PROFESSION, AND NEVER
FAILS TO CURE.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
CONSULTATION FREE.

OFFICE HOURS-s TO 10 A. NJ; TO P. NJ.
TTO9P. NJ.
OFFICE-MAsONIC BUILDING, 3o4 BROAD
WAY 2ND FLOOR
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12

A big building h,.e,n is looked for
inst 40 soon as spring opens.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-02-12
PILE & FISrULA
IN ANb,
PERMANENTLY CURED.
DRs. HAYS 4 HEARNE

Will. RADICALLY UUKE
ALL CASES t,F PILES, OF HOWEVER LONG
STANDING. OK UF THE WORST FORMS.
WITHOUT KNIFE, LIGATURE OR NITRIC
ACID.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-11-01
LITERARY NOTES.

Mn. Lewis Carroll has written book entitled
tangled Tale which will shortly be brought out by
Macmillan. 1t will be accompanied by L" Alice's Adj
renturcs Under Ground" fac-simile OF the original
Ms. which Mr.. Carroll afterward developed into the
hiinilable Alices Adventures in Wonderland This
is to have twenty-seven illustrations 10y the author
hook which promises to be interesting is announced
in London under the title OF Contributions toward
History of Anonymous English Literature
DIR. Sehliemann's Tiryns viii be Published here
by the Scribners. The book which is to he an clabo
rate ana handsome one, viii appear.
The scribners are about to repubsh in n small
volume Mr.. @ W. Cables essays on Southern ques-
done 1t will 10 called (" The Silent Souths