The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-04-25
SMUGMUGGERY.
The Astonishing Changes Which Result
from Removal of Beard and Mustache.


The Astonishing Changes Which Result
from Removal of Beard and Mustache.
A wave of smugmuggery is engulfng
she land. To those who do not know
what the scientific term smugmuggery
means, | might explain that it refers to
hose who transform themselves into
smugwumps by shaving off their whisk-
ers and mustaches. 1t is a BARRIERS
boom-or boon, rather. The result of
this freak of fashion is that whiskers
and mustaches are disappearing with a
rapidly that is bewildering. A per-
son passes his best friend and fails to
recognize him-all on account of his
smugmug.
/ desire to point out some of the dis
asters that have occurred through the
slavish following of tn s new fashion.
don't suppose that | shall be able to
check this growing evil, but the in
stances that have come to my knowl-
edge may serve as warning to some
who have not yet become smugwump5.
There was John G. Stivers, for in
stance. Stivers wore a long, black
beard topped by mustache, and you
doubtless have noticed when you spoke
to him about anything that he had the
habit of striking his long, black beard
slowly in way that certainly left the
impression that Stivers was deep-a
very deep-thinker l know that was
the effect it had on me- l remember a
few weeks ago meeting him, saying:
'sWell, Mr.. Stivers. looks as if we were
going to have Russian warp
Stivers stroked his beard thought
fully, and said:
Eyes, it looks that way. But -
well, you wait few days"
Now" said to myself as left him,
"there's man who has studied the
Afghan matter in all its bearings. No
iippant opinion there"
.'Well, of course you've seen Stivers
since he shaved! The weak, irresolute
mouth and receding chin is now in full
view. happen to know that in a very
short time he was to have been taken in
as partner in the house of Ready,
Made & Co., the clothiers, whose con-
fidential clerk he has been for so many
years-manager might say. Now he
thinks his whole trouble arises from the
fact that when he went into the estab-
lishment just after shaving Mr.. Made
approached him smilingly and said
Anything we can show you to-day,
sirp" OF course it made big laugh
when the clerks saw that old Made had
been trying to sell something to his own
manager. but that was not the trouble.
Mr.. Ready himself told me that it as
tonished him to think they had ever
sought the advice of such man, and of
course now any mistakes that had hap
pened in over purchase and that sort of
thing were laid to the charge of Stivers'
suggestions. Now he is out of employ
ment, and no one ever prefixes the
"Mr." to his name. 1t is pitiful to
see the way his hand wanders aimlessly
around his smooth face searching for
the lost beard.
Then there was DIR. Schuyler Brown
He saw his mistake in time, and has
left the city till his beard grows on
again. His patients positively refused
to be prescribed for hy so boyish look
ing man. BY the time he lost half his
practice the facts of the case dawned on
him, and his leaving will doubtless
bring back patients and beard.
see by the papers that Mrs. Simp-
kins Calendar has got her divorce from
poor Simpkins. OF course the very
sight of his smugmug in court was
enough to turn the case against him.
Simpkins wasn't a bad-looking fellow
when bearded like "a pard, but the
transformation was something awful.
Why the man was idiotic enough to
shave is a mystery to his friends. He
ought to have remembered how he
looked without beard.
The fashion spares neither old nor
young. | met old John Mortimer yes
terday out for the first time in three
weeks, and he looked haggard with the
gray stubble of three weeks growth
on his face. | think it served John
right. l told him a month ago that
that brutal dog would kill somebody
yet; but Mortimer thought because the
dog knew him it was all right. 1t was
useless to tell old Mortimer that the
brute had selected samples of the cloth
ing of every friend that had the cour-
age to call at the house. When the old
man came home that night shaved
smooth the dog did not recognize him,
and so kept him up the tree in the front
yard till Mrs Mortimer and Young
John came home from the singing
meeting. Young John would have
brought him down from the tree with
his revolver, too, if he had had it with
him, for the old man was so hoarse with
shouting that he could not speak above
a whisper, and they thought he was
freed tramp.
1t is rather curious how the scar on
The upper lip of that McAdam who was
arrested last week for the Chicago de-
faication led 10 his being identified
No one was more astonished than
Brown. Brown said he would have
trusted him with any amount. The
case has been so fully reported in the
papers that it is needless for one to go
over it. Seems to me McAdam would
rather have consulted safety than fash
on. His mustache will have a chance
20 grow before he is at liberty to select
MS own barber again.
You might have noticed in the society
columns some weeks ago that young
Froman was engaged to Stimson Jones
oldest Well, that match is of. Came
off with Froman's beard. She said she
had no idea the corners of his mouth
his ears to such an extent
She never dared say anything funny
or fear he would smile. Finally the
match was broken of. She couldn't
stand that mouth
OF course the above instances are
veil known; otherwise would not
mention them. 1t shows the surprising
Effect of smugmuggery. Let the young
men of this country think twice before
hey SNUG their mugs. Ssaugsnu
n Detroit Free Press.
An Easy Sentence.