Daily Republican., 1885-01-22


In the nigh SO Gold AMI still,
On the homel, bed 10 that attic room
In the farmhouse BY the hill.
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
Much that IL picturesque and quaint
In the speech OF the Irish peasant Ia due
TO his surroundings and the conditions
OF bis life. Inssmuch as seA weed IL
largely used In agriculture, one can re-
alice the feelings which prompted a
coun:rywoman-call in at an emer
gency To do heusenaid's work, and see-
ing some alga employed as an orna.
ment-to exclaim "Glory be "
good ness, - think that should live
see the man are In the dra wing room IL
Mrs. Blank DO you remember,
dear, that, before We were married, you
always offered me your left arm %
Mr.. Blank Yea, l wanted IN have
my right hand free. You SEQ, ] had q
lovers fear shat me one would try TO
take you away from me, and I always
kept In readiness for defense" "How
sweet But how Ia II that now you
generally offer me your right arm p
Well, ! am not no afraid as / was."
"Come, William, give something"
said Bill. Why not? Isn't ths eau ~
q Rood one ?" Yes, good huff, but !
amt bic TO give nothin'." Pooh
pooh know better. You must give
me better reason than that" "Well,
l owe too much money" Well, hut
William, You owe God q larger d bt
than any one else" That's true, but
he amt apushing me like the rest oil
my creditors"
A farmer who had engaged the ser
vices OF son OF the Emerald Isle, sent
him out one morning to harrow piece
OF ground. He had not worked long
before nearly all the teeth came out OF
the harrow. Presently the farmer went
out into tie field TO take notes Of the
mans progress, and asked him how he
liked narrowing. "Ob," he replied,
" II goes bit smoother now since the
pegs are out 7"
Scene on railway platform Ut Heidel.
berg. Traveller TO university student {:
" Sir, you are crowding keep back
sir " University student (fercely) :
d" Don't you like 1t? Allow me 70 tell
you that i en- at your service at any
time and place" Traveller (benignant-
ly): All, indeed, that In very kind OF
you. just carry this satchel for me TO
the hotel"
A lad who had been bathing WAS in
the act OF dressing himself, when one Of
hts shoes rolled down the rocbs and dis
appeared In the water. In his attemp t
70 rescue IL he lost the other one also,
whereupon, coniten plating bis feet
with . most melancholy expression, he
apostrophiEed Well, you are . nice
pair OF orphans, Amt you ?"
He drew his breath with \ gaspipg
sob, with q Quavering voice he sang |;
but his voice leaked out, and could not
drown the accompanies clamorous
rang. He lost his pi cb Oh the middle
A, be fsl cred on lower ID, and found
cred At leng b, like battered wreck,
adrift on the wild, high g.
Fashionable lady 10 the family ph ysi.
clan q" Doctor, heard that you said
that tight-lacing In a public benfit.
am no glad What ars your reasons
for thinking 30 ?" Doctor; Because
1t kills off all the fColish women, and
leaves only the wise ones, who don't
ind ulge III the habit. TO survive"
" Doctor, want to thank you for
your great patent medicine" at
helped you, did 1t ?" asked the doctor,
very much pleased. cit helped me
"How many bottles
did you find It necessary TO take ?"
"Ob, l didn' take any Of 1t. My uncl.
took one bottle, and I'm his sole heir. I"
A smart young man saw with blush.
Ing pride, b pretty actress watching
him, and growing bold too soon, he was
thus repu'sed "Oh, you need not
apologize for speaking TO me. / did
notice you but the fact is, am s, udy-
ing a big, silly hoy's part, and wanted
. good lay figure to look at"
Ethel" said the teacher, "who do
the ancients say supported the world
Oh his shoulders ?" " Atlas, sir"
" You're Quite right" said the teacher.
=" Atlas supported the world. Now,
who supported Altar" 81 do not
know" said Ethel, softly. "unless he
m rried rich wife,"
A dude fell into pond not over three
feet, but made no effort to rescue him.
self until q citizen in q blouse came
along and pulled him out. When ask
ed why he didn't crawl out without
ass istance, he replied that he was too
much of gentleman to help himself"
In Harness -Husbs nd, airy (they
had inst returned from their wedding
trip) eff I'm not homo from the
club by-ah-'en, love, you won't wait
=" Wife, with appalling firmness
Il No, dear; III come for you I" He
was back at 9 45 sharp.
A brewer, observing one Of his men
" ring the total abstinence blue rib
bon, suggested that 1t seemed somewha
ent with his line of business.
q Well, SIR" he said, you see, 1t max es
folks like to t, mpt me, and then sue
,umb
Railway guard Ito old lady. who har
caused him o great deal of unne cessary
"Well, mum, just wish
you was an elephant, and then you'd
always have your trunk right under
your nose"
hear" said eomebody to Jekyll,
= that our friend Smith, the attorney, lie
dead, and leaves very few effects" sit
cou Id scarcely be otherw ise," returned
Jekyll |; " he had 30 very few causes.
"It was the dhrop had taken
,aid q Kerry peasant cbarg' d with
being drunk and disorderly; "but 1 had
! shmoke out of o neighbor' pipe, and
hat leaned upon me-"
"What object do you see?" asked the
1octor. The yourg man nesitated .
lew moments, and then replied: ut APP
pears like Q jackass, doctor; but rather
think 1t IL your shadow"
Phelim "Tim, your cabin has
blown away" Tim: Deed, thin, 1t