Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-11-27
OUR I<AI.EIDOSCDIE.

ted by II bee. 1t always takes.
A lad by the name Of Prosperous Cram /
mer was recently run over by wagon in .
Philadelphia. 1t is to be hoped he will .
live TO go TO college.
A New York State woman, who refused
to pay taxes, has broken her leg and will
die. We always knew II woman couldn't
dodge worth Il cent
"If you sit in the chimney corner all
your days your true love will find you
out" is an old adage. She will if YOU
happen to be married to her.
The nearest an old bachelor can come to
darning his stockings is to knit his brows.
In archery "A bow pulling thirty pounds
is considered the correct thing for ladies'
But in dancing a beau must be able to
pull from ninety to one hundred and sixty
pounds.
A well preserved man is not necessarily
always in pickle.
Call 81 Welcome is the name of West
ern firm They believe in the value of ad-
vertising.
President Cleveland has kissed another
baby-a girl. If Mr.. Cleveland should de-
velop into an incorrigible osculator the
mothers of the land will be to blame.
| The editor of puck is about to marry,
and among the blue laws of that publica-
ton hereafter will be an injunction against
the para.lelism between matrmony and
badness.
An Italian astronomer declares that the
! planet Mars is peopled by intelligent be-
ings, who are trying to attract attention
from jewellers on this planet. They seem
to be blissfully oblivious of the fact that
the boss continent is Just now afflicted
with Democracy and smallpox.
DR.. Americas Nespucius Enfield of Bed
ford, Pa, is a candidate for the Office of
United States marshal for the western
district of Pennsylvania. He doesn't
want the whole world, but only his share
of that portion of it supposed to have
been discovered by his venerable name
sake.
Glow do you tell fool when you see
one ?" asks correspondent. How by
the kind of questions he asks.
Servlans 90 onward and upward like
the little boy in IougfellOw's poem. EX-
celsior is their motto and Bulgaria their
meat. ". Y, Graphic.
!. O'DonOvan Rosa wants position in
the New York custom house. He would
make Il good up-raiser.- Boston Post.
1t is curious how much faster a street
car goes when you are running for 1t than
1t does when you are riding on it.-Drdke' 5
= Trdrclcr'S Mdgdzinc.
; | guess this is kind of put up job, >
was the husbands comment as ne cast his
, eye along the row of well filed jars on the
shelves in the cellar, the result of hi:
wiie'S labOr.-BOSiOH Courier.
o poet says: There is always sunris,
somewhere" This is comforting To thu
: man who is going to bed there comes tn,
!. happy consolation that somebody has t
get up and go to work. mCrtcdn He
brclU.
/ "A Chicago architect will give 10000
S to any man who will produce anythin!
q that will prevent a wall of pressed bricl
: from turning white He should try
couple of coats OF coal tar. II that won
cure the evil complained of we have an
!, other plan. -NOrriStOUn HCrdid.
Il a lady from Michigan relates IA yer,
e pretty story of her little boy whom sh
5 took last summer for the first time 70 tn
seaside The little fellow was great.
pleased With the sight One day, whel
7 he saw the first ocean steamer apprO1C
e the coast, he was eXuberant "Oh
e mamma, just come cut and see There
e II big locomotive taking bath. "-BOstO
h Beacon.
Fifteen American colleges are seekin!
II presidents. \ man fitted to be success
fnl college president is as hard to find Il
, an old maid over twenty -eight.-TrO
;. Times
9, Vermont has her first street car line
"a Gas will soon be introduced in some of he
leading towns.-BOStOn Post.
Policeman McCleary of Bradford, Pa
, tried to separate man and wife VIII
lie were quarrelling. He got shot for hi
Is pains. If the officer had been Marie
10 man he would have known better than t
n interfere in such Il case.-Dctroit Ere
r Press.
&c Soda water is now made hot for peopl
who desire to stimulate in mild way
ID Hot soda water and a fresh paper cola
;, ought to make Il man feel fixed up fC
=. sunday Atlanta Constitution.
y. "Uncle John, thought your cows wei
I, well bred ~ "Of course they are, m
," dear. They are Attorneys, and | HAY
their pedigree from way back" Il don
N care about that. They are not we'll bre'
bit One of them Just chased me out of tn
tv pasture lot, and | think they are just
Nj rude rs they can be. ''-NcW York Grdphi
We Whatever OF mystery there may be |
of the head line i'll an exchange, the Ru
sian government out of gear" is explain
. ed in the body of the article when it SAYS
Il "The car travels incog. "-Binghdm
IN Republican.
~ "Have you ever had any eNperienC
ut sir ?" asked the dramatic agent who W;
vo about to book an applicant. Yes, sir
r. used to play the leading part in 'Uncl
lie Toms Cabin" The leading par
TT sir? What part do You hean by that :
"Why, sir, | was the man who had to lea
ST. in the dogs His name was not taken
% LOiCdI citizen.
" "Humph," growled the king of Il
ol Caunibal islands. rs he glanced at a Ne
IN York paper, which was all that was left
he Il missionary that took the leading part
TO Il royal feast.
". "Wheretore gruntest thou, your MAZE
by ty ?" murmured the prime minister.
Ia II know that missionary was fraud
"InHsmuch as to wherefore -
ok "Because III this paper, which can
ot from his own country, there are sever
"' advertisements for glrl To cook. If there
OF, one thing hate it's hypucrlte, unlc
III he's well done on toast
~
81 A Remarkable Escape.
pE nunnnpk