St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-10-03
NO cHUMPS NEED APPLY.
Uncle Sam Only Wants Good Men for His
Regular Army.

Uncle Sam Only Wants Good Men for His
Regular Army.
''Is this where they enlist?" inquired
sallow-faced young man, stepping
into the United States army recruiting
station on West Congress Street
'Yes. How old are you?'
TWENTY-FIVE"
"Open your mouth" The examining
officer took firm grip on the young
mans chin and forehead and looked
long and earnestly into the opening
presented to him. "No, l can't take
you." he said, finally.
The sallow young man turned on his
heel and went out without word.
"Three back teeth on one side gone"
the officer explained to a bystander.
IF he'd lost only one he might have
passed"
Another candidate for military honors
came in few minutes later. His teeth
were found to be satisfactory and he
was introduced to the next stage of the
ordeal.
The candidate was sent to the oppo.
site end of the room and invited to look
at some cards. the spots on which at q
distance of twenty feet appeared to the
eve to be exactly the same size as q
bull 's-eye at one hundred yards. The
next test was for color blindness. after
which the victim was required to strip
himself stark naked. In this condition
he was weighed, and his height, chest
measure, etc. carefully noted. A bril-
liant series Of gymnastics followed.
The candidate was made to swing first
one arm and then the other, after the
fashion of a windmill sin a strong
breeze. He then dropped on his knees,
rose on one leg, hoped across the
room on his right foot and back on his
left. executed standing jump, and
finally stood erect and kicked backward
three times-each movement being di-
rected by the examiner. The whole
person of the man in undress was then
carefully gone over for imperfect!ons
and evidences of disease. Varicose
veins were looked at with especial at
tention, and feet examined for in-grow-
ing toe-nails, tlatness, etc. A small an
chor in India ink was found on one
arm.
"We don't object to tattooing in gen.
eral," the examiner remarked, but
once in while we find fellow with
some obscene picture or other pricked
into his skin. That cooks his goose.
Uncle Sam don't want to collect pict-
ure- gallery of that kind
After the candidates various BIRTH
marks. scars. etc.. had been taken ac-
count of and the color of his eyes and
other points of identification all noted
he was requested to dress himself. He
then answered a long series of ques-
tions respecting hereditary diseases in
his family, his previous occupations. ex-
perience or lack of it in Jail. and the
like. Finally enlistment papers in
triplicate were made out and the pro.
cess of listing" was complete.
1--WE get some queer letters some
times" the officer said. when the ex-
animation was finished. Zone man
wrote a few days ago asking if he
could live with his wife if he enlisted.
and if they would have separate
house He also wanted to know
whether he would be given house in
Washington or Detroit. l merely said
in answer that we took no married
men-which is the fact. Of course the
requirements are very much more ex-
acting than they are in war times. We
don't care to enlist very many men,
and we are careful to pick out the very
choicest that offer themselves. De
troll Ners