Morning journal and courier., 1885-12-04
BET HE R.

"A miss is as good as a mile," and great deal better. You can't kiss mile. Boston miss Gin hardware store)-'T will look at some small locks" ''Yes, miss, Yale locks?" Boston miss (with stony stare )-"Certainly not. You may show me some Harvard locks. ."-New York Sun. Darkey-sBed's too short, sah Why last night gemm'n taler'n you slept in dar. I member it cause he didn't pay his bill. J Tourist-"Of course. Found himself short in the morning. A Anatural consequencs!" Pa (who has been explaining certain facts about es)-sfNow, Jimmy, do you know what base burner isa" Jimmy-"You bet yer life" Pa-"Have we one in the housef'' Jimmy-"Yessir mas slipper. Chicago Rambler.
 A brakeman who was caught between two freight cars the other day, was describing his suffering to his wife. "Why," she ex- claimed, "that's just the way it feels when you are breaking in a new pair of corsets. "- Free Press.
 Miss Angelina to Miss Belle, her rival, just now surrounded by bevy of admirers: 'tOh. dear, do tell me how you do your hair up so eharmingly. What do d you you do 1 it up ons It her hair high ssWelI, I'll tell you, dear. generally do it up over brains, and (sweetly) don't think you can buy them at the hair stores."
 A dark mystery of the colored citi- zens of Dallas, Tex, are very much disturbed about the possible approach of smallpo1. The following conversation between two of them was overheard on Elm street: ''I has about made up my mind to hab myself vaccinated ag'in. Has you eber had yourself vaccinated a second time before?' ''Yes, sah; I'se been vaccinated the second time free or four times before, an hit tuck ebery time 'ceptin' de fust time." As the object of colored conver- sationalists is not to obtain information, but to merely hear themselves talk, they parted perfectly satisfied with the interview. But what the party of the second part actually intended to say is a dark and shrouded mys- tery.-Texas Siftings.
 s'We have many queer experiences in the practice of my profession" said the doctor as he deftly dusted the powders on the little pa pers spread before him. 'Only the other day I drove over to Ossian, seven miles away, to visit 8 patient, an old gentleman suffering from incurable disease that had been treating for several months. Tying my horse, l walked to the house and entered the sitting room without knocking. Judge of my surprise to sse lying on stretcher the dead body of my patient clad for burial, and his coffin upon the bier awaiting it's occu pant. had just time to note these things when the wife came in, and simply saying Good morning she slipped to a cupboard and taking out an envelope containing money enptied it upon the coffin lid, and counting out my fee handed it to me, replaced the en- velope in the cupboard and left the room without saying word. I had often been paid in the presence of my living patients, but never before with the stiff stark evidence of the ineffectiveness of my favorite 'pathy' staring me in the face. I fled. ."--Harper's Bazar
 The night cold and mournful
 The moon was up on high;
 He stood beneath her window,
 And breathed forth many sigh.
 For there lay aIl-in slumber-
 He prized on earth below;
 So thought he-but the truth is,
 She'd moved week ago.
 Boston Gazette