Connecticut western news., 1885-03-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

 country on the globe is ChilL YouNa men now hAyo an opportunity to go West and snow up with tho coun- try.
 WHEN in Rome you must do aa the Romans do, but when in New York you must do as the English do.
 A PERSON in Washington has written q poem containing COCO verses, and says he could do even worse if he tried.
 WHEN R good man goes wrong every body notices it. When bad man gooa right he expects to be paid for it right away.
 ROLLER skating nnks are oroellent things for promoting feeling of sociA. bility. Everybody seems to be thrown together there.
 AN ordinary woman's waist Is thirty inches around. An ordinary mans arm is about thirty inches long. How cd. mirable are thy works, oh nature
 "surrosH," says an exchange, Tall the world went to bod every evening at sunset" Oh, well; the worlds gas bill would be just as large at the end of tho quarter.
 MUSIC is the sound which one's ohil- dren make as they romp through the house. Noise is the sound which other peoples children make under the same circumstances.
 A MICHIGAN man claims to have boon miraculously cured of rheumatism which had made him helpless for many months. His hired man was carrying hive of bees through his room and dropped 1t.
 Ar recent Texas marriage the bride groom came to the altar armed with rifle and the bride with revolver. It is unnecessary to say that the ceremonies were allowed to proceed with the utmost decorum by the spectators
 "WHAT did I understand you to say this is, ma'am 2" the new boarier asked the landlady. Spring chicken, sir," tartly replied the lady; ''pray what do you think ?" "That's what thought it was, ma'am. with all the springs left in."
 "WHAT country is this 3' ,'This Why, this is America. "Ah, yes; America, the asylum for the poor and oppressed of all nations" 'No, not of all nations" "what nation is excepted, I'd like to know2" "why, America"
 "wE had quite a discussion at the club last evening"" said Fenderson; 'I made the closing speech. and think made myself clear" 'Ah !" returned Fogg; 'then I have boon misinformod. I was told that you made the others clear" .a.. .......
 By what occult intuition is if that the small boy knows whom the proper time has come for whipping tops and playing marbles ? He is as regular aa the ground hog or as those first flowers that persist in blooming although the weather be the opposite of spring-like.
 A GENTLEMAN, apologizing for Ian. guage used, said: "I did not mean to say what I did, but the fact is that, aa you will see, have had tho misfortune to lose some of my front tceth, and words slip out of my mouth every now and then without my knowing it"
 THEY had had little party of guests at the house, and he remarked to bis wife, as he was getting ready for bed, "that he fiAttered himself he had acted the part of host in rather bril- liant manner" '.I can recall only ono brilliant action of yours" said his wife. "Well, what was that ?" Lighting the gas." ..a.
 "SPRAKINa of De Lesseps, they say his Panama scheme will inhict great in- jury on the United States" "But we can collect damages from him in the courts, !" said the daughter of a Washington statesman, confidently. ''In what way" asked President Cleveland. "suez canal, you know, was the belle's response.
 Ar hotel boarder said: q struck lady with the rheumatism, this morn ing" "The man ought to be hanged who would strike a lady with tho rheumatism" interrupted q voice from the other side of the table. The person who had the story to tell looked around, became confused and collapsed. The interruption was SO sudden that it knocked the rest of the tale ont of bis head.
 FATHER: "Come, young man, how long do you propose to keep my daugh- ter waiting on your slow movements If you don't intend to marry her. leave her; if you think of marrying her, marry her at once and have no further nonsense about it." Young man; "But my dear sir, I'm engaged to her. Ton wouldn't have me break the engage ment 2" ''No." "Well, if leave hor I break it, and break 1t if marry her. And there am between the horns of a dilemma"