The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-08-01
HI OROT =.

HI -HOROtS.
TEACHER-How many wars were
waged with Spain. Pupil-Six. Teach
er-Enumerate them. Pupil-One,
two, three, four, five, six.-Home Ser
eHce.
A MAN can get gloriously drunk in
Japan for 20 cents. This Is why the
japanese who come TO America save
their money and take it home with
them.
SUNDAY-SCHOoL Teacher-In what
book of the Bible is it mentioned that
Nebuchadnezzar ate grass Ike an ox2
Little Girl (doubtfullyl-Timothy.-
Exchange.
MIR. JENKINSON'S vile must be aw-
ful Jealous. . said Miss Smith; ''hegave
me his seat in the horse car, and when
thanked him he begged me not to
mention 1t"
YOU can kill a man in Texas and
your neighbors viii respect YOU. You
can steal a horse and your ueighbors
viii hang you. This shows what a
noble animal the horse Is held to be in
Chicago News.
A BOY in one Of the public schools
while engaged IN defining words a few
days since, made mistake that was
not mistake. He said. a dema-
gogue Is a vessel that holds beer,
wine, gin, whisky, or any other kind
OF Intoxicating liquors. .''-ENchauge.
THEY say that Mr.. Smith Is a very
close student, - remarked Popiniay ut
the dinner-table. AngeEne blushed to
the roots OF her hair, and admitted,
with a litter, that he generally did sit
pretty well over on her side OF the So
ia when he called.
WHEN a Boston man takes to farm
ing it Is said that he stunts thegrowth
OF every vegetable by the eheavy names.
Plain lettuce Is Observation-Disclosures
cum" and an Irish potato is a tube
rosa-chrOnOn-thOeOn thOlIgn-saldebO
rantrosporsiCOformid."
SAM JONES, the reviyalist, raised
S2l 900 IN Nashville the other day,
on a sermon sixteen minutes long.
This encouI aging little incident should
teach clergymen to limit their sermons
to sixteen minutes.-NOrrfStOWH Her
aid.
IT was a center shot and a hard hit
when the New York women sufragists
called attention TO the mOckery Of
making a statue of IIbertyIn the form
OF a woman to be placed at the pOr-
tails OF a state where women are dis
franchised.-PhiIadoIDhia Ledger.
"Dm your story win the prize
" No, but it came near winning 1t. Il
failed only in one stipulation" "Aud
what was that ?' 1T was to have
made the editors haIr stand on end.
''Oh, | see. Itwasn' { exciting enough. -
Yes. it was" "Then why didn't it
make the editors hair stand on end ?"
" He hadn't any. He was bald
headed"
"SIsTER MARY says she don't ike
you, said small boy to a hashily-
dressed stockton dude. What's the
reason ?' Don't know, unless it Is
because when you kissed her the other
night YOU made such noise that ma
heard you did she say that was
the reason ?" mo. not exactly, but
she said that you We're entirely too
loud to suit her. '-StochtOH Mavcr-
lex.
WELL, Johnny" said his mother,
Sunday-schOol picnic Nav,
Johnny growled. Il didn't get nothin'
to eat but a san which an a couple OF
dry cookies with red san sprinkled ON
top" "Why, what became OF the
beautiful chocolate cake and chicken
salad that | gaveyou to contribute ?'
The superintendent an the teachers
eat EN-
\ LADY in town lately went TO col
ored whitewasher to engage him TO
whitewash a room. On asking him
what he would charge, hesaid 60cents
for one coat. He charged that, he
said, because it was so much trouble
TO put on the first coat; but if she
would have two coats put on the
room he would put on both for 80
cents. That darky viii get rich II ne
keeps on doing two-coat wOrk.-East
eTH Star.
An out. of-tOwn parsOn was taking
leave recently OF a congregation with
whom he had not lived on the best OF
terms. II do not regret our separa-
ton, dear brethren, for three good and
valid reasons. The first is that you
don't love me, the second that you
don't love one another, and the third
that God does not love you. You
don't love me-my salary Is several
months in arrear; you don't love one
another-or there would not be such
dearth OF marriages amongst you; and
God doesn't seem to love you as you
ought to be loved, because there have
been so few funerals among you late
w."