Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1885-04-03
Volume Kill mo. 42.
The Milwaukee Bay Bod.

81 guess the neigh bors will be mighty
glad when your folks get off to Flor
ida, said the grOceryman TO bad boy
as he came in with Il linen duster on,
and stamped the snow Off his feet
"Such carvings on as you had in
church last Sunday night. The min
lister was in here this morning and he
saws he don't know what to think. Of
your family. lie says your pa was
taken with hydrophobia in church,
and frothed at the mouth, and barked
like a hos', and the deacon had to take
HIM out and sit down on him. What
did it mean, and what in thunder are
You got on Il linen duster for in the
middle OF winter:'
q am wearing this duster to get
accustomed to it. When we get South
We shall have 10 wear palnll, af clothes
al the time, and the bad boy wrapped
the tail of the duster around his cold
legs and backed up to the coal stove
but you'd dide if you had been in
our pew Sunday night. You see |
was reading in paper about how the
Senators in Washington amused them
selves. and there was story about
Wade Hampton's Joke on Senator
e Girland, who Il ways comes along and
takes caramels off Hampton's desk.
and s. t'other day Hampton took Il
piece of brown soap and whitfield it
just the size Of caramel ami wrapped
it in a glazed paper and laid it on his
desk, and Garland eat it. It tickled
me. and | thought Of pa in Il minute.
y hen We 90 to church, and he always
wants to be chewing something, and rs
always have some candy or some
thing in my pocket, pa reaches in my
pocket on the sly, when he is watch
ng the minister, g"ts a gum drop or
something, and chewing al through
the meeting. | don't think it is right
for an old man to chew in meeting
anyway. SO took a piece Of soap
and just fixed it as Senator Hampton
did, anl put it in the pocket next to
pa. In the other pocket | had some
Sure caramels cause did not want to
get the sap myself. was chewing
right along and pa stood up to sing.
pa he nudged me for candy. | WAS
busy finding what song they was sing
in, cause they all look alike in the
aymn book, and when they got on the
last version pa nudged ME again, and
| kind Of walked my left eve and
glanced down toward my pocket, and
"a he had his hand in there quickern
a wink and he got the brown soap
caramel and had it in his mouth in
no time, and then the choir got to the
nome stretch, Us pa says, aHd we sat
down. guessepa or ~Ti9fr- ,fIfougfl
the soap from the sound for he snorteu
and sad yah, and | gaess that was
" at they thought sounded as hough
he harkel like dog. Everybody
looked At pa, so he couldn't spit out
the soap, aud he held Oh to it. An
old maid that sits front Of Us turned
right around and looked at pa as
though he was a dime mu, cum curl
0slrv, and she never took her eyes oif
Of him. | think a woman ought to
keep her eye off man long enough
to let him spit out a chunk OF SOAP
Well, sou ought 10 have seen me look
at the minister when he gave out the
text. Our folks always complain
Gauss | don't remember the text [
was boupd to commit it to memory if
| busted. | dassent 10 k at pa for
fear W uld snort right out, but [
3eepel out o! the corner Of my eve. and
he turned red and white and blue.
AID he tried to keep from swallowing
the soap suds. | thought | should
capnip and quill wheel, right there
on the floor. Pretty soon the soap
Suds aud foam began to show on pas
tip and moustache. and he looked otful
tell YOU. The deacons follow, him
ont, and the ushers got there just as
he began to throw lather on the car
pet, and he coughed and sputtered,
and they thought he was mad for SURE,
and they grabbed hold Of his arms,
and as he struggled to ct his hand
IN his coat-tal pocket for his hand
kerchief they said. Don't let him
bite you-don't let him get hold Of
his revoyler.' and. then they scuftled
till pa could get the taste out of his
mouth SO he could speak, and then he
said it was all right, he had eaten "a
caramel and didn't know that it was
loaded.