Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1885-11-20
never even heard OF him or men.
toned him up to date.


toned him up to date.
| will state, in passing, that the
jnurua. above quoted from always re-
ferred TO me afterward as " Twain
the body snAtcher.
The next newspaper article tha,
attracted my attention was the fol-
lowing:
"A SWEET CANDIDATE. - Marl
Twain. who was to make such q
blighting speech At tho mass meet
ing last night, didn't come to time.
A telegram from bis physician stated
that he had been knocked down by
runaway team and his leg broken
in two places sufferer lying in great
agony, and SO forth and so forth
and lot more bosh of the same
sort. And the Independents tiled
hard to swallow the wretched sub.
terfuge and pretended that they did
not know what was the real reason
of the absence of the abandoned
creature whom they denominated
their standard-bearer. A certain
man was seen to reel into Mr..
Twain's hotel last night in q state ol
beastly intoxication. 1t is the i'm.
perative duty of the Independents tc
prove that the besotted brute was
not Mark Twain himself. We have
them at last. This is q O case that
admits o: no Sinking. The voice oi
the people demands in thunder
tones: Who was that man ~"
Three long years had passed owe,
my head since I had tasted ale,
beer. wine or liquor of any kind.
The journal Immediately dubbed
tne Mr.. Delirium Tremens Twain
By this time there had grown to
be such clsmor for an answer
to all the dreadful charges that were
laid to me that the editors and lead
ers of my party said it would be po.
litical ruin for me to remain silent
any longer. The following appeared
in one of the papers the very mex,
day.
BEHOLD THE MAN.-The Indepen
dent candidate still maintains silence
Because hs dare not speak. Every
accusation against him has been am
ply proved, and they have been in.
dorsed and reindorsed by his OWL
eloquent silence, till at this day be
stands forever convicted. Look up.
on the Infamous Perjurer! the Mon.
tana Thief! the Body Snatcherl the
Delirium Tremeus! the Filthy Cor.
Can you give your hon.
est votes to . creature who dares no,
open his mouth in denial of any oi
his hideous crimes ?"
There was no possible way of get
ting out Of it, and so in deep hum.
iliation I set about preparing to
" answer" q macs of baseless charges
and mean and wicked fslsehoods. bu,
I never finished tho task, for the
very next morning paper came out
with a new horror. charging me with
burning a lunatic asylum with all its
inmates, because it obstructed the
view from my house. This threw me
into sort of panic. Then the pr in.
cipal Republican journal " convicted
me of wholesale bribery and of pois.
oning my uncle to get his property,
with an imperative demand that the
grave should be opened. This drove
me to the verge of distraction. On
top OF this, I was accused of em.
ploying toothless and incompetent
old relatives to prepare the food fol
the founding asylum when I was
warden. At last, az a due and fit
ting climax to the shameless perse
cution that party rancor had inflicted
upon me. nine little toddling child.
rem, of ell shades of color and de.
grees of raggednsss were taught ia
rush on the platform at q public
meeting and clasp me around the
legs and call me pa.
Truly yours, once q decent man,
MARK TWAIN.