The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-02-04
Hello

Honolulu has more telephones In COM
! parisOn to its size than any city in the
world. All over town is spread perfect
| spiders web of lines and cross-limes, and
| up the Valley the over-hanging branches
| of many beautiful trees are mercileessly
/ Topped off to make way for the intruder.
/ But we do not complain, for it is a great
| convenience, especially III household mat
| tiers concerning the " butcher and baker,
and candlestick- maker" In Hans An
| derson's story of the swine-herd, the
Indies Of the court, by inhaling the aroma
from boiling water in little enchanted
kettle, smell all the dinners that are cook
ing all over the kingdom, from the Lord
High Chamberlain to the goat-herd in his
hut so in Honolulu one can tell what
everyone will have for dinner by pulling
down the enchanted lever and putting
ones ear to the magic telephone any
evening between and o'clock. And
what tumble of cross-purposes it sounds !
answers and questions flying over a net
work of wires. 1t is wonder they don't
get tangled up into an inextricable jangle
of sound. In case of any emergency
like fire, sickness, or accident, the tele-
phone is invaluable, and seems almost
like friend in the house, able to respond
with comfort or sympathy, and needing
only word TO summon friends or help.
The mysterious voice proceeding from
the sphynx-like instrument on the wall is
looked upon by some households as an
oracle, and many and queer are the ques-
tions addressed to 1.-THE time of day, the
age of friend, a recipe for pudding, and
a cure for colds, and the progress of every
incoming steamer is heralded by stream
of questions Hello, central where is
the Kinau ?' Central 4! How far off
Diamond Head is the Kinau ?" "Cen-
trail When will the Kinau get in to-
day ?" q" Central What steamer comes
from Maui to-day p First voice: where
is the Kinau now ?u-so on, until every
half mile of the favorite steamers pro-
gress is telephoned all over town. If any
thing unusual occurs-a vessel in the har-
Dor, a ringing of bells, or a firing of guns,
there pours into the central office such a
stream, torrent, avalanche of questions as
would set any other being crazy.
But alas! the telephone is a gossip, a
news-bearer and scandal-monger, and
holds it's own even against our tea-drink-
ing matrons and young men about town.
If person skips the country with ques-
tionable quiet and alacrity, if a lady sets
Mrs. Grundy at defiance, if ''they say''
attacks the name of any one of US, the
malicious little telephone sends it over
her thousand wires to the utmost limit,
and to what "a variety of tunes she sings
the same story.
A friend here once telephoned another,
'sDo you know where Blank is?" The
answer came, "Down on the bay" 'What
did you say? drowned in the bay?" "No!
o!-down-on-t he-bay." "Oh,r says
No. 1 to another friend, 81 had quite
northumberland fellow to say Blank
was drowned" He gave it to his friend,
.'Did you hear the news-Blank was
drowned this afternoon in the bay.
Haven't heard particulars" And so the
little fiend takes up the story. Mr.. Blank
returns serenely home from little game
of four Jacks at friends, and is received
with most unusual rapture-sympathizin
friends hysterics-curtain! And all the
fault of wicked littl e telephone.