davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18
An Admirable Success.

"Now," said the bride, "Henry, ]
want you to understand distinctly that
| do not wish to be taken for q bride.
l am going to behave exactly as if l
we're an old married woman. So,
dearest, do not think me cold and un-
loving if / treat you very practically
when there is anybody by"
81 don't believe / can pass for an
old married man. l am so fond OF
you that l am sure to give the snap
away"
"No, you mustn't. It's easy enough.
And / insist you behave just like all
married men do. Do you hear 2"
"Well, darling, I'll try but know
/ will not succeed"
The first evening of their arrival
the bride retired to her chamber and
the groom fell in with a poker party,
with whom he sat playing cards until
A o'clock in the morning. His wife
spent the weary hours weeping. AT
last he turned in and met the grief
stricken bride with the hilarious ques-
ton:
"Well, amt | doing the old mar
ried man like daisy ?"
She never referred to the subject
again and everybody knew after that
they had just been married.-San
Francisco Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18
Real Nerve.

II saw an exhibition of what you
might call nerve the other day up in
Delaware county" said Deacon
Charles N. Bean of the public stores
II was up there on business last week.
at Harpers6eld, and an acquaintance
took me out to fish for pickerel through
the ice. On eur way to the pond we
came to a couple of men chopping in
the woods. My friend knew one Of
the men and stopped to talk with him.
The other man kept on chopping.
He had made but two or three strokes
with his Ak when it few off the
handle. The sharp blade whizzsd
through the air, passed clsse to my
friends head, and striking the other
chopper, whose name was Hagar, cut
his nose off close to his face as
clean as if it had been done with a
razor. The man who had lost it put
his hand up to his face in startled
sort of way, and looked down at the
severed nose as if he could hardly be-
lieve his eyes. When the full force
Of the situation struck him he looked
at his fellow chopper with an expires
sion of surprise and deep injury or
his face, and said
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

"Well, Jack, you're a d-n nice fel-
low, amt ye?"
"Hagar, then stopped and picked
up his nose and, pressing his handker-
chief to his bleeding face, astonished
both my friend and myself by resum-
ing the subject upon which they had
been talking-which was the making
of contract for some chopping-as
if nothing of consequence had occur
red to interrupt it. My friend, how
ever, started the other chap to the
village after doctor, and wanted to
take Hagar home at once on his buck
board. Hagar wouldn't hear to this,
and said he would cut across to his
cabin through the woods and wait for
the doctor, and he started off, without
any apparent hurry, carrying his nose
in his hand.
"When we returned at night we
went out of our way two miles to in.
quire after Hagar. We found him
chopping up fire wood in front of the
cabin. There was a bandage around
his face. When we asked him if the
doctor had seen him he said:
yes, he's been here. He stuck
the nose on in the old place and bound
it there, and said he believed it would
grow fast again, as he had known Of
such things happening. Say, | came
blame near getting mad at Jack when
that axe flew off to-day. He's always
cutting up some dido or other.
"Then we drove back to Harpers-
field. / had a letter to-day from my
friend. He had just come from a
visit to Hagar. He says the man is
getting along, and that the nose will
grow fast again, sure. Now, these
are facts, and tell you that Hagar
struck me as giving an exhibition of
what you might call nerve. New
York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18
He Was Likewise from Texas.

A strapping six-footer walked into
Bloomington saloon, kept by Ger.
man, the other day, and whipping
out revolver, commanded
"Gimme a drink O the best whisky
in the house, an be purity darned
spry about it,"
"Py shimminy! 1 oxbose you vhas
from Texas, amt ?" the German
replied, making no motion to comply
with the bad mans order.
eyer kin jes' bet yer sweet life I'm
from Texas. Been hustlin' cattle
down thar too blamed long to take
any sass off n greasy Dutchman."
"Ish dot sol queried the saloon
man stolidly.
eyes, sir. Set out ther drinks; or
by the bowie, I'll fill yer skin full o
lead"
"You don't say ?" said the German
taking a couple of whifis Of his pipe
"Say, vos you got some of dot tings
dey vas call dust :"
"Well, I've got some o them things
they call lead pills, an by gum I'll
shoot the beer blossom of'n yer snoot
if yer don't hustle' %
"Vell, youst plaze away, mine friend.
| vas want to got rid nit dot blossom
a log dimes, und you vas youst der
man vas been loogin' for"
care you goin' to set out ther bot.
tie ?" cried the Texan cooking the re-
volver and aiming it at the mans
head.
"Yaw, l guess | vas" the German
replied, reaching under the counter
and bringing up a double-barreled
shotgun. "Dere vas two oaf him,
Veetch you tink you vas vant?" he
asked, cooking both barrels. "Dat
vas dere celebrated vipe-him-out
prand, und dis vas der knock him
eafery-time poodle. Veetch Won will
you haf, mine frient? | vas from
Texas mineself, und / vos don't got
some fun eafer since / vas COON away
NIT him. l was don't kill somepody
for more as sex monts, und vas hun
CRY nit some fun" The Texas cow
boy bought a 25-cent drink and paid
for it, and then got away as quickly
as he could.-Bloomington Mail.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

"Did the deceased die under sus-
picious circumstances ?" asked the
coroner. "No, sir, he didn't" re-
piled the wife of the deceased. "He
died under my best patchwork quilt,
and that's better than you'll ever do. +"
Burlington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

Edith.-"Aunt Hannah, there's
something can't understand. You
are always talking about Mrs. B., and
yet you continue to call on her once
or twice a week." Aunt Hannah
"Of course, Edith you wouldn't have
me forever repeating the same things
against her. only call upon her for
fresh evidence of her disagreeable-
ness. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

1t was almost midnight; the hands
of the clock were toiling painfully
around the circuit; the maiden yawned
and incidentally remarked that it was
growing late, but the youth kept his
seat. Miranda" he said at length,
81 have made up my mind to ask you
if you will be my wife ?" II don't
know" she answered, "you seem to
lack energy, and energy is an impor-
tant thing in young man who un-
dertakes the responsibility Of support
ing a wife," "Of course; but why
/ do you think / lack energy2" Be.
cause there doesn't seem to be much
go to you." "Much 20 to me~ "Noi
much 20 home, at least" He under
I stood her.-Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

The manufacture Of paper from
wood has reached the altitude of per.
fection in Canada. The superinten,
dent of mill up there says tree is
cut down and showed into one end ol
the mill and five minutes later there
is neighbor at the other end to Dor.
row the paper.-Danbury News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

Mistress.-"Jane, 1 read in the
newspapers that very much of the
candy now made is decidedly bad for
the health. You must be very care
ful that dear little Fido does not get
hold Of any of the children's candy"
-Philadelphia Progress.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

A young man asked the lady Of
his affections, the other evening, how
she liked the look of his new stand
ing collar. After critically survey
ing him and the collar, she replied /:
Every nice, indeed. 1t looks like
o whitewashed fence round lunatic
asylum. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

"Good evening, Tommy. Is your
sister Clarissa at home" Eyes, sir
she's out in the kitchen popping corn
for you." Popping corn for me
Why, how very thoughtful. l like
pop corn very much" eyes, sir
She said she was going to put pan
of pop corn under your nose, and il
you didn't take the hint she'd give
you the shake" Something beside
corn was popped that evening.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

"Does the shining steel blade which
1 hold in my hand cause excruciating
pain 7" inquired an Oil City barber
"What?" II asked if the razor hurt
you" "Is it razor?" "Of course
it is?" 81 thought it was a saw; but
if you are sure it is razor 60 ahead
Oil City Blizzard
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

A Swedish scientist claims to have
discovered a method of extracting al
cohol from sea water. AS Shakes
peare says, he intends to call spirits
from the vastly deep.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

The editor of the Posey County
Weekly Falsifer is in trouble. A
lady gave him two young CANNES, and
he acknowledged the favor by saying
that MRS. Jerusha Perkinson pre-
sented us with two sweetly interest
ing pugs." The printer made it
"hugs" and the lady's husband stirred
up the unfortunate editor with a
hickory hoop.pole and a cuspidore,
and still keeps it warm for him.
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

"You needn't tell me, sir" said an
angi'v father to his son, chat you
drank nothing but glass or two Of
beer. You have been drinking whisky
l can smell it." Father" acknow.
lodged the young man, "it was whisky
that drank, and not beer" "Well
you shouldn't have tried to deceive
me, you young rascal. You ought to
be ashamed of yourself" 81 am
ashamed of myself. 1t was very fool
ish in me to think that man of your
experience wouldn't know whisky
from beer."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

Lawrence Barrett is reported to be
about to build theatre in New York
Ground will be broken next spring
and Barrett the spring following
Boston Folio.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

A dull preacher once took the eel.
ebrated Robert Hall to task for his
chatting conversation "How can a
man who breaches like you," he said,
talk in so trifing manner?' "That
is just the difference between u.s." re.
piled Hall. "You talk your nonsense
in the pulpit. 1 talk mine out of it."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18

In Holland, Mich, G. j. Doesbury
publishes the News, and strongly re.
commends DR.. Thomas Eclectric Oil
Never fails to cure earache.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

What is the best covering for the
head ? demands a western journal.
Hair isn't bad.-Binghamton Repub-
lican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-18
Advertising Rates.

line. '
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insor-
tion.
Prices and Terms alike to all.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04
City Mission.

The friends Of this noble charity are
calling for information in regard to it,
winter work throughout the city. and
the managers take great pleasure IN
LAYING before them the following re-
port:
The soup-house. given to the Society
free of rent by Mr.. Booth, has been
put in nice, comfortable condition by
an outlay of $50.
The amount Of soup distributed since
Ist December has been 2,4j0 quarts,
with 1900 pones of bread; 1880 sick
rations leach consisting of sugar, rice,
crackers, tea or coffee. Donations OF
bread and crackers have been made at
various times TO the Soup-house. also
twelve gallons of molasses.
The clothing distributed was l,3OO
old garments, 100 pair shoes fold and
new, $50 yards red flannel, 40 comforts
and blankets Q6 were dOnationsJ, l40
wards cotton goods, and $50 yards
worsted goods partly donatlons). Do
nations Of hats. bonnets, and remnants
of goods were received from merchants
and millincrs; 400 loads of coke, do
mated by the City Council, have been
distributed by the Visitors. who have
made 1000 visits in their several dis
tricts. and by this means are well-ln-
formed of the needs of the poor. The
hauling Of the coke is a heavy tax on
the limited funds of the Society. and II
the able and willing assistant OF the
Mission Captain Bigger could be al
lowed by the City Council to use the
city carts for that purpose, 1t
would render very material aid to
the Society, besides relieving the
ladies of great anxiety and exposure to
inclement weather 1t is proper to state
that the amount of distribution as gwen
in this report has been accomplished by
an outlay of $3.50. exclusive OF the re-
repairs and coke-hauling. The man
ayers beg their friends to remember the
almost entire dependence OF the Mission
on them for support and as the wea-
ther is very cold and the necessity Tor
food and clothing on the increase each
day, they hope to see the supply OF
funds commensurate with the demands
for help.
Contributions can be sent to Mrs. A.
Y. Stokes, Marshall street Mrs. NJ. r.
Baker, Third and Franklin Mrs. Ka-
leigh Colston, 10 east Grace street I;
Mrs. W. ii. Peasants, 25l0 east Grace /;
Mrs. j. 4. Moore, TOdd's Row, west
Franklin.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04
The DeRth LIT.

The following is the official mortuary
report for the city Of Richmond for the
week ending Saturday, January 81,
1885:
Whole number of deaths in the city,
exclusive of still-brths. 33.
Cause Of Dedth.-Apoplexy, 2;
bronchitis, | /; cirrhosis of the liver, / ;
congestion of brain, i; consumption, 5 ;
convulsions Gnfantile), .; cyanosis, | ;
debility, 3; diarrhGa, j; diphtheria,
| drowning, |; fever (typhoid), . h;
heart-diseasc, l; hemorrhage, |, i'll
fanticide | {; marasmus, | meningitis,
l old age, 3; paralysis, 2; pneumo-
mia, 2; premature birth, teething,
| unknown, |.
Age.-0ne day to thirty, 6; six
months to twelve, /; one year to three,
5; three years to five, 2; five years to
ten, f; ten years to twenty, l.; twenty
years to thirty, ! thirty years to forty,
4; forty years to fifty, 3; fifty years
to sixty, (; sixty years to seventy,
| seventy years to eighty, 4; eighty
years to ninety, | unknown. ,.
Temperature.-Mean temperature for
the week ending January oath, 1886 ;
for week ending January 3lst, 43.l4.
RdinfdH.-Amount Of rainfall for
the week ending January oath, 0.S5
inches for week ending January 3lst,
0.0l inches.
Rate.-Rate of mortality Of whole
population was 22.S0 per LOCO per
annum; rate of mortality of white
population was 2l.0l per 1000 per
annum; rate of mortality of colored
population was 1921 per 1000 per
annnm.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04
MANCHESTER MATTERS.
A Brakeman kiiled-suit for Malicious
Proseeution-Church Matters. &C.. &c.

Brakeman Kiiied-Suit for Malicious
Prosecution-Church Matters. &C., &c.
As a north-bound freight train on the
Petersburg road was nearing the depot
in Manchester shortly after II O'Clock
Yesterday the colored brakeman. Nashl
Brattle, met with an accident which led
10 his immediate death. AS the train
was passing under the bridge on Co
wardn avenue Brattle either lost his
footing and fell or was knocked off by
the bridge. He fell between the cars
and was run over and his body cut in
two. He died almost instantly. The
coroner. DIR. S. l.. Ingram, was sum-
moned. an inquest was held, and the
Jury determined that he was knocked
off by the bridge. His remains were
sent to his home. Rocky Mount, y. c.,
last night.
The Hastings Court was engaged
yesterday in hearing evidence in the
suit of Hcider rs. Robertson for mali
cious prosecution. Only two witnesses
were examined. There are at least
twenty or twenty-five more. The case
will consume several days at least.
In consequence of the union meeting
at the Central Methodist church to-
night the usual Wednesday-night SER
vices at the other city churches. the
Meade Memorial excepted, will be
omitted. The union meeting will be
held at the Central Methodist church
tonight and tomorrow and Friday
nights.
A drama, in which ten persons will
take part, will be presented at Cerslcy's
Hall Thursday and Friday nights of
next week under the auspices of the
young ladies of the Meade-Memorial
church. The proceeds will be appro-
priated to the rectory fund Of that
chlrch.
Treasurer Bronaugh has only COL
lected one dollar of State taxes since
the lst of December, 1894. lie will
do all that he can to pay the teachers as
soon as possible,
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04
BETREL-SCHOOL PROPERTY.

! The Old Building SO be Sold and n New One
! Bull, at the Corner Of Nineteenth and biar-
shall streets.
The following is the full text Of the
report of the School Board in reference
to the sale of the present Bethel-School
building. 1t was presented by Mr..
Bowie at the session Of the Common
Council Monday:
OFFICE OF CITY SCHOOL BOARD,
RICHMOND, January 10, 1885.
To tie Honorable Members Of the city
Council Of Richmond:
Gentlemen,--The City School Board
of the city of Richmond would respect
fully report. in answer to resolution
of the Council calling for information
in regard to the Bethel-SchoOl pro-
perty," that the property has been care
fully and thoroughly examined, and
found to be totally unfit for school pur-
poses. The building was originally de-
signed for seaman's church, and was
turned into a school-hOuse after it ceased
| TO be used Tor that purpose.
1t only contained five schools at first.
but the demand has been so great that
! it became necessary to cut it up into
mallrooms, and now has twelve schools.
The rooms are small, badly lighted and
ventilated, with an average of fifty
scholars in each room.
The Board has had the property ex-
amined and valued by experts, and re-
port that the lot fronts 81 feet on Cary
street, running back l55 feet to an alley
on Twentieth street, and is valued at
$500. The building is not worth
much to any person except for the ma
terial. as il would cost too much to alter
for business.
The Board would therefore respect
fully petition the Council
lst. To grant the Board permission
to sell the Bethel lot, corner of Twen-
tieth and Cary streets, and sell or re-
move the building, using the material
in case of removal, and the money for
The lot and building in case of sale, in
erecting a new building in more suita-
ble locality.
ID. To grant the Board what is
known as the Poindexter lot" cor
ner Of Nineteenth and Marshall streets,
with the material thereon, on which to
build the " Bethel-School building -
said lot having "A feet front on Nine
teenth street and running back 1872 feet.
81. TO appropriate the sum Of seven
thousand dollars (s7,000), or so much
thereof as may be necessary: lst. To
purchase an additional number Of feet
on Nineteenth street from the vacant
lot on south side Of - Poindexter lot"
so as to give sufficient room to build
the school building, the seventy-four
feet being insufficient, as the building
must be nearly seventy feet wide. I'd.
The remainder to supplement the
amount received from the sale of the
Bethel lot and building, and necessary
to the erection Of a new building on
the - Poindexter lot"
All of which is respectfully sub
mitted. j. I. ELLYsoN,
Chairman City School Board, Chairman
Committee on Building, &c.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04

Starke, treasurer; W. II. keinlns-
ham, actuary. Board of Managers /;
Z. A. Catlin. A. Oppenhimer, Ashton
Starke, George Gibson, Jr.. Jnnius
Mosby, Henry Bodeker, John ID. tres
ham, Stephen b. Hughes, Major W. y.
Johnston.
1t has made 5000 special reports
during the last six months on mer-
chants trading with Richmond; over
$500 inquiries have been answered. It
has correspondents in every county OF
all the States trading with Richmond
with the exception of As counties, and
arrangements are now being made to
get them in these counties. 1t has col
lected many claims without cost to
the merchants. A manufacturing con-
cern in western New York has recently
subscribed.
Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-04
THE NEW HALL NEEDED.
Meeting Last Night In the intere" Oh 'ne
Young Mems Christian Asseeiafion'

Meeting Lnst Might In the Interest or the
Young Mems Christian Association.
The large audience at DIR. hoge s
church last night testified to the inter-
est that is felt in the matter oil a build
ing for the Young Mems Christian AS
sociation. The meeting was opened
with prayer by DIR. Richardson. Colo
mel j. b. Cary presided, and introduced
as the first speaker Mr.. Joseph Bryan
who made practical. business-like ad-
dress on the work the Association is
doing and the need that exists for a
building.
He was followed by Rev. W. w.
Landrum in a fifteen-minute address,
full of inspiring eloquence and practical
suggestion.
DR.. Hoge, in a few brief sentences,
expressed his hearty interest IN the
movement. and excused himself from
making longer address on the ground
that he thought the audience was now
ready for the real object of the meet
ine-viz.. the collection.
Slips of paper were distributed
through the house, on which various
sums were pledged, amounting, with
the currency, to over five hundred dol
lars.
Rev. j. Peterkin, Rev. j. William
Jones, and Rev. X. X. HOwison were
present, and occupied seats in the front
of the house.
Mr.. Thomas Branch made a few
well-timed remarks on the necessity OF
prompt action in securing the money
and commencing work on the building.
The following committee were ap-
pointed to solicit further contributions:
Messrs. Benjamin Wherry. W. ). Don
nan. Jr.. William Writ Henry, Oscar
Weisiger, j. Thompson Brown, I.
Wiley Davis. T. c. Williams. I. II.
Elicit, William Ellyson, Peter II. Mayo,
w. G.. Stokes, X. l.. Brown. b. NJ.
Quarles, j. B. Cary, Howard Swine
ford, and j. ID. Crump.
This committee will meet at the Re
Hgious Herald office, lll5 Main street,
this afternoon at 5 o'clock.