The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-02-12
WIT AND HUNIOR.

the reply: ''Spruce young man called
and delivered the kiss in good order"
Germany has one beer shop to every
thirty-one inhabitants. This prevents
the disagreeable crowding so notice
able in this country.-Burlington (U.)
Free Press.
that will make you sneeze. Every man
who stays out late should carry snuff
box, especially if his wife is in the habit
of sitting up for him.
Nelly-''The boiler exploded and
blew the engineers body into thou
sand fragments, so the paper says.
Grandma-''Dear mel thousand frag-
ments! Did it kill him. "-Ha,pers'
Bazaar.
Mistress of the house Ito recently
landed) -..Why, Bridget, where in the
world have you been in all this rain?"
Bridget dripping wet)-''Shure, an
DIVE been hangin' out the clothes to
dhry, num-"
After little Houston boy, whose
family were to move away next day,
had concluded his evening prayer, he
said: ''Good-by, God; tomorrow we
are all going off on the railroad Texas
Syttngs.
"A sociable man is one who, when
he has ten minutes to spare, goes and
Others some body who hasn't" says
sn exchange. This item is correct ex-
cept in respect to the number of min
utes the sociable man has to spare
Burlington (E.) Free Press.
Young Richling-Let me get you
No, thanks. Y. R.-Do you not like
it, Miss Dhumme? Miss Do, yes;
but it has such an effect upon me. Y.
K. Struggling to say something pleas
ant)-Ah! makes you-ah-bright.
A new kind of lamp recently invent
ed is called the ''sweetheart." The
reason for the adoption of this name is
probably because it never goes out
until after midnight, unless the old
man comes into the parlor and goes to
shaking down the stove,-LOUeU Cii-
zen.
You did not dare speak to me in
that manner before married YOU. sirr'
she indignantly exclaimed. No, nor
you didn' t dare come cavorting around
me in curl papers and rag-carpet Slip
pers before | married You, manu- he
retorted. Then she cried and he pro-
fairfield Ptttsburg Chronicle T'ele-
graph.
Some weeks ago, when corn was at
its lowest notch, a farmer brought a
load to town and inquired the price.
Fifteen cents" was the reply. The
farmer paused and gazed upon the
ground thoughtfully. At last he said:
Il wonder if there amt any place in
town where | could trade that load of
corn for load of cobs. I'm about out
of wood. "-HOpki,as Journal
''Do they have housekeeping DAYS
in heaven, map little Somerville girl
inquired the other day. ''Why, GER
tainly not. dear; what put that into
your head?" Because the ANGELS
sweep; don't they?' What gave you
such a notion as that?" ''Pa did.
He said you were spectacle in Moth
er Hubbard that would make the
angels sweep. "-Courier-Journal
1t is related that many years ago
MIR. Morgan, who represented West
meath in the House of Commons, when
on his first canvass called on Father
Mooney, an influential priest, and asked
him for his vote The latter replied:
Sir, I'd rather give it to the devil"
But said the candidate, ..in the
event OF your friend not coming for
ward for the county, what thcnP" He
got the vote.
On opening head of cabbage, the
other day. the cook of otel ut Lock-
port, \. Y. found a document stating
that the world would come to an end
on tile 81 OF next July. We have al
ways had the profoundest respect for
the superior intelligence OF the ca bbage,
bat We shall go On accommodating great
thoughts for our next independence
Day editorial just TIE samc.-Burlinq-
ton Free Press.
A citizen who had been playing poker
the night before dropped a blue chip
INTO the contribution box by mistake.
Alter service he Went to HE deacon who
mad passed the plate and told him Of the
mistake. ''SoHll just give YOU dollar
IN its place he said, land we'll keep
the matter quiet" mo. YOU DON'T
replied the deacon, ignoring the money
offered; that's blac chip. It's worth
five dollars. Neg Yo.b SIN.
An Old country squire. who never
looked at newspapers, came up all the
way from Cornwall recently to attend
the sexcentenary of lis college at Ok
ford. As he entered the college gates
he was politely presented with a bill
for goods that had been supplied to
hlm us an undergraduate forty-five years
previously. lie turned on the dun with
Indignation, not altogether speeches..
God bless you, sir!' he roared,
Lord love your heart. do YOU think
come up here once in every 600 years
to be dunned?''
He did not know the Brooklyn girls
vc.y we'll, being Il comparative stranger
from Philadelphia. but he timidiy re-
marked that he WISHED he were a leath-
er belt, that he might clasp her waist.
She turned upon him warning blue
light glance from her eloquent ewes:
young man, she said. "if YOU couldn't
squeeze harder and hold on tighter than
any belt that was ever fastened with a
buckle, nobody has any use for You in
Brooklyn, | can tell you With
wild, bitter cry, he fled out into the
black, black night.-B0b Bardette.
Did you ever see woman play whist?
No! Well, she does it somewhat as fol-
lows: "Oh, dear. | don't believe can
ever get these cards rranged-Now, let
me see, that one goes there, and-oh.
dear, I've dropped one on the floor
won't You pick it up9-Thanks-Now
let me see-Oh, is it my play? Mercy,
m sure l don't know which one to
play-There, | played the wrong one,
but never mind-have got to follow
suit?-Well, if | can't follow suit can /
trump? Oh. / wish could have thrown
away or that trick-could | 4? Oh, I'm
so sorry-Now, how stupid l was /
didn't see it was my partners ace when
l trumped, but never mind" And so
it goes on, and at the end of the game
her partner generally has to stand the
ridicule of the other side because he
was so badly beaten, Boston Post.
The Rev. Fenstock. who is one of the