Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-05-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

The ignorant are nearly always very
positive about what they know.
A MAN is often called q bartender
when IN reality he is Il bar tough.
NINE society girls out of ten are in
love with q noodle, Doodle or poodle.
We had rather have a snow squall
outside our windows than a cat, any
day.
YES, Elfreda, all things fair must fade.
All except the railroad fare, which must
be paid.
People in search Of a residence in
Pittsburg never find any trouble to SCOT
themselves.
fiddle. trains dogs or teaches skating Is
a professor"
THE report that DIX. Mary Walker Is
to be married has been contradicted. It
Is said now that the ma has escaped.
THE way to sleep" says a scientist,
lis to think Of nothing" but this is a
mistake. The way to sleep is to thinB
1t Is time to get up.
YES" said the Idaho man, ''it's
dreadful unfortunate that my gal got
Rugged by that ar bar. She's sort o
held me in contempt since"
WERE you ever caught in a sudden
squall3" asked an old yachtsman of a
worthy citizen. "Well, l guess SO !" re-
sponded the good man. I've helped to
bring up eight babies
Bob IsGERsoLL says that when he
dies he does not want even a decent
suit of clothes wasted on his body. Bob
is right. A sheet and a palm leaf fan
will be sufficient, says the Atlantp
C~nsttution.
He that gives good advice builds with
zone hand; he that gives good counsel
and example builds with both; but he
that gives good ~admonition and bad ex-
ample builds with one hand and pulls
down with the other.
A WOMAN who car smile sweetly at
ner opposite neighbor, who has just
come out in a new and expensive sacque,
while she is compelled to wear her last
winters cloth garment, may be set
down as the acme of goodness.
CAPITAL antagonistic to labor? Non
sense The interests of the two are
Identical. When the coal dealer makes
an honest dollar by selling underweight,
doesn't the coal shoveler share in the
profit by time saved in putting the coal
IN?
SAYS an exchange:-Who hes not felt
his mouth water as visions of lis grand
mothers table came before his eyes
the brown bread and beans, the golden
pumpkin pies, the big twisted dough-
nuts, and the rich coffee favored with
real cream?
Nor SUGAR CoATED-She: ''There is
often a vast difference between a boor
and a bore" He (fishing): "And are
most men either one or the other ?" She
(wearilv): "Well, a man is a boor when
he does not call on rs, and generally ?
Dore when he does."-Lifc.
A CoUSTRYMAN, driving q team, the
whole of which were as poor as Pha-
raoh's lean kline, was asked by a portly
attorney why the fore horse was so fat
and the rest SO lean. The countryman
replied; 1.-The fore horse is a lawyer,
and the others are his clients"
"THE way to forget our miseries is to
remember our mercies, is the way some
philosopher puts it. When we have a
felon on our finger and a double bar
relied toothache to boot, there don't
seem to be much consolation in remem.
ing that we were not drowned last sum-
mer.
A LADY in a street car took out her
purse, took therefrom a twenty-five cent
coin and handed it toa well.dressed man
who was smoking. What is this for 2"
asked the smoker: Its to buy you q
good cigar when yon smoke in the pres
ence of ladies' was the reply. The
moke jumped off the oar.
WELL, how didyou succeed o. asked
Slim of ODude, when the latter re-
turned from making a matrimonial
proposition. ooh. I'm all right,
guess. She said she had a great many
offers, but shc gave NE the refusal.
For how long, "Oh, we'll. the time
wasn't mentioned. o know"