Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-07-10
The Church Debt.
TBill Nye, in New York Mercury. ]

| have been thinking the nlaller
over seriously and have decided that
if had my life to live over again,
would like to be All eccentric mill
ionairc.
have eccentricity enough, but l
cannot successfully push it without
more means.
/ have a great many plans which ]
would like to carry out i'll case |
could unite the two necessary ele-
ments for the production of the sue
ccssful eccentri; millionaire.
Among other things would be
willing to bind myself and give
proper security to anyone who would
put in money to offset my eccentrlcl-
ty that would ultimately die. We
all know how seldom the eccentric
millionaire now dies. would be
willing TO inauguratc a reform i'll
that direction.
think now that l would endow
home for men whose wives are no
longer able to support them. In
many cases the wife who was at first
able to support her husband comfort
ably finally shoulders church debt,
and in trying TO lift that she over
works and impairs her health so that
she becomes an invalid, while her
husband is left to pine away in soli-
citude or dependent on the cold char
tiles of the world.
My heart goes out toward those
men even now, and in case | should
ill the grave of the eccentric million
airc l am sure would do the square
thing by them.
The method by which our wives
in America are knocking the church
debt silly by working up their hus-
bands groceries into "angcl fool"
and selling them below actual cost,
is deserving of the attention Of our
national tinanciers.
The church debt itself is deserving
of notice in this country. 1t certain
" thrives better under a republican
form of government than amy other
feature of our boosted civilization.
Western towns spring up every
where, and the first anxiety is to
name the place, the second to incur
church debt and establish a roller
rink.
After that general activity in
trade is assured. OF course the gen.
eral hostility OF church and rink will
prevent ennui and listlessness and
the church debt will encourage a
business boom. Naturally the church
debt cannot be paid without what is
generally known through the west
as the FESTIVAL and hooraw." This
festival is an open market where la
dies trade the groceries Of their hus-
bands to other ladies' husbands and
everybody has a "perfectly lovely
time" The church clears ~ 30, and
tlSirtcen ladies are sick all the next
day.
This makes q boom for the physi-
oians and later Oh for the undertaken
aud general tombist. So it will be
seen that the western town is right
in establishing church debt as soon
as the survey is made and the town
properly named.
After the first church debt has
been properly started, Others will
rapidly follow, so that no anxiety
need be felt if the church will come
forward the first year and buy more
than it can pay for.
The church debt is comparative
ly modern appliance, and yet it has
been productive of many peculiar
features. For instance, we call to
mind the clergyman who makes Il
specially of going from place to place
as a successful debt demoisher. lie
is a part of the general system just
as much as the ice-cream freezer OF
the button-hOle bouquet.
Then there Is the row or social
knock -down-and -drag-out which
goes along with the church debt
All these things add to the general
interest, and TO acquire interest in
one way or another is the mission OF
the C. d.
once knew most exemplary
woman who became greatly interest
cd in the wiping out of church
debt, and who did finally succeed in
wiping out the debt, but in its last
expiring death struggle it gave her
a wipe from which she never recov-
cred. She had succeeded in begging
the milk and the cream and the eggs
and the sandwiches and the use of
the sugar and the loan of an oyster
and the use of a freezer and fifty
button-hole bouquets, to be sold to
men who were not in the habit OF
wearing bouquets, but she could not
borrow a circular artist to revolvC
the crank of the freezer, so she agi-
tated it herself. Her husband had
to 90 away prior to the festivities
but he ordered her not to crank the
freezer. lie had very little influence
with her, however, and so to-day he
is a widower. The church debt was
revived in the following year, and
there isn't a more thriving church debt
anywhere in the country. Only last
week that church traded off $7i
worth of groceries in the form of as
bestos cake and celluloid angel foot
in such a way that if the origina
cost of the groceries and the worE
were not considered, the clear prof
was $l3 after the hall rent was paid
And why should the first cost of tht
groceries be reckoned when we stol
to think that they were involuntari
ly furnished by the depraved hus
band and father.
l must add also that in the abov,
estimate doctors bills and funera
expenses are hot reckoned,