Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1885-07-16
My PRIVATE ASTRONOMER.
BY CLARENCE A. WEBSTER.

My early education was neglected,
chiefly by myself, fact which my wife,
who is superior to me, mentally and
morally, is not slow to keep int fore
STan99d i'm oa q isS, yaEg SSnnAyinSt gaannfTr -Ts
is in her efforts to improve my mind, as
/ have never pointed it out to her.
When she commences to talk merely
walk out OF the house, lighting a cigar
with slow Observation-Disclosures, which,
Judging from the effect, is truly ex-
asperating. From long experience 1
have discovered that conscious silence is
beyond woman's comprehension, and
shuts her up in O manner only equaled
by the effect on man of an offer to
bet five to one, closely followed by o
show of money.
Although would not care to own it,
was at length goaded into sneaking
desire to shine in intellectual circles,
and to be able to distinguish between
the works of Emerson the minstrel
and Emerson the author. Between
you and me, I regard Billy as
having more brains than his high-toned
brother who wrote books. He made
ulOIc mOuOJ Ill WdJ DuI hOW IL WhO
would revo should Sho hear mao uttos
such "Philistine heresy." ("Philis-
tine heresy" is one of her pet gags).
1 commenced my intellectual i'm
provement by buying books, those of
neat but not gaudy binding being pre-
ferred. 1 brought home a book
nearly every day, and at first
my wife beamed on me at the evidence
of my Renaissance" (her gag}; but l
think at length she came to regard it
as extravaganza, and entertained q
mean suspicion that too much "intel-
lectual pabulum" cher gag again might
affect the sealskin sacque fund.
/ sought after knowledge pretty
evenly, and with considerable nerve,
until one day an unprincipled dealer
worked off Welsh dictionary on me,
and then l shut down. / am rather
liberal in my educational views, but i
draw the line at Welsh dictionaries.
After that 1 rarely bought book, ex.
| cept when / had been out late with the
boys, and wished to fortify my
statement to the effect that
had spent the evening at oul
literary club and had just brought
home something choice from the club
library. Little things like this some
times carry conviction when argument:
fail.
1 was walking along the street one
| fine frosty evening when on idea struck
me, suggested by the sight of cold
and shivering curbstone telescope fakir
1 stopped in front of him in order tC
thoroughly grasp the idea; for with me
they are scarce and come high. Will
my wife it is different.
"Five cents look. Fine view o
Jupiter" remarked the sidewalk as
tronomer.
"Here, gimme q quarters worth,
said ], handing over the coin. Th'
man grinned, believing me drunk ant
good for any amount of money. Iwa
never more sober in my life. 1t wa
merely the idea working
Astronomy goes" said /.
"What?" observed the man, q ittl
snxiously, for he was not now sure h
did not have crank on his hands.
"How much do you make a night2"
asked.
"Not enough to keep me in salt" h
answered, rather savagely, for he nov
thought he saw in me possible rival
"Then can hire you pretty cheap
for my own private use, can't ?"
| A shade OF regret that he had no
announced himself on the high road 3
wealth crossed his face as he com
menced to haggle with me over th
price of the service.
II merely want you to give mo som
practical lessons in astronomy. M
education is way of, and I want to &c
posted. Books put me to sleep. No'
J this is practical. It's getting right Q