Smyrna times., 1885-04-01
WHOLE NO. 1854.
HERE AND ELsEWHERE.
What is fun-nnf.

There is possibility of town forg-
ing ahead backwards.
NO-moniO, tramp said, is the worst
disease he is subject to.
When is a farmer a Wall street
brOker-when he waters stock.
A man that has no enemies, sees
himself as others see him-asleep.
Nature abhOrs a vacuum. Washing
ton is not now troubled with Nature.
The Endicotts of Massachusetts, are
of bluer blood than the Adams family.
Patent incubators are turning out
chickens faster than the eggs are laid.
Jules Verne need not 90 four thous-
and miles into the earth to see fun, Just
now.
you do not let your hands become
acquainted you kill shOat talk at the
start.
The ducks of the Chesapeake now
grace the tables of the nobility of Eu-
rope.
The new mineral, vanadium, does
not sell very rapidly at $4,000 a
pound.
The Indiana postmaster whose salary
equals nine cents year, is going to be
kept on.
The United States steamer Tdlapoosa
is in "A fair way to get IA thorough over
hauling.
Bancroft, the historian, attributes his
splendid health to the long daily walk4
he made.
Rev Mr.. Spurgeou says there il
nothing in his orthodoxy against the
soothing pipe.
Senator VanWyck, of Nebraska is
attacking the wicketts of public wick
edness in Congress.
The polished marble facings at the
base of the Washington Monument are
being defaced by pilgrims.
The British medical journals say that
the danger smokers incur in cancer of
the throat is very remote.
The height and chest measurement
required now in the British army ia
filling the ranks with boys.
At one time this Winter it took 400
Philadelphia policemen TO escort one
workman to and from his work.
Whatever talents aud ability one
may possess lead only to success in
proportion as they are magnifed.
Nearly all the concessions Russia
! has made to England concerning the
Afghan frontier have been verbally.
| Mr. Madden. the mayor of Cork, will
keep the Prince of Wales at distance
on his proposed visit to his Madness.
1t cost nearly $4,000 to get the South
American Commission, composed of
three persons, as far South as New Or
leans.
The postmaster ofWest Chester, Pa,
rather than attempt to decipher all the
hierOglyphics that come by every mail,
hung out.
The magnificent domain of the Crow
Indian reservation, in Montana, is con-
ceded to be the finest grazing region
on the continent.
Cotton rules lifeless in the market
because Mr.. Gray can fill Mr.. Bayard's
shoes in the Senate without stuff-ng
the toes full of cotton.
The Mudir of DongOla in ascending
the Blue Nile to watch Osman Digna,
got stuck in the mud, 50 the Mudir
wrote to his mudder.
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher thinks
that the breeding of fast race horses in
this country is at the expense of the
breeding of fast men.
Old Mr.. Lawrence, late Comptroller of
the Treasury, compiled during his term
of Office nearly hundred volumes of
"Lawrence's Opinions"
1t is found necessary to pump the
sewerage of the suburban towns of
London hundred feet high to get fall
enough to take it to the sea.
The soldiers, statesmen and philOso-
pliers of the world are men with scant
hair and so are the husbands who in
sist upon owning the last word.
As in some measures cOmpensating
Mrs. Victoria Hulskamp is met by
Ernest in the wings as she leaves the
concert stage with, "YOu sang well,
Vic"
A cadet, say the English journals,
could have shown better generalship
than have Brigadiers Graham and
McNeill, holding the Outposts in the
: SOudan.
, It has been ascertained by statisti-
, clans that married men live much
longer than the single ones do. The
former go by inches, the latter sudden
ly collapse.
= Edison says that induction is the
real power OF electricity, just the same
lost in combustion and only % per
cent. utilized.
More than ever will be the big
hearted boxer, John l.. Sullivan, the
secret pride of America when he comes
, back from across the water Cham.
, piOn of England"
The engineers who drained the
Messrs. Disston's Florida Swamps are
about taking a similar contract from
: the State of Georgia, to drain an i'm
I mense swamp in that State.
In the discussion of ministerial trans
fers at the Philadelphia NJ. E. Confer
. ence, Rev. DIR. Atwood said it was al.
, ways best to TASK for more than you
o want, and take what you can get"
If the unjust man steals the just
mans umbrella and the rain falls and
t he gets angry, then he is no Longer
u Just, therefore the rain falls on the just
l.. unjust and the unjust just--an um
brella richer.
r With the wind blowing twenty mile;
an hour an engineer ON top of the
Philadelphia public buildings by exact
triangulatiOn discovered the other day
K that Broad and Market streets are moi
= at right angles by 49, and 81. What {
pity.