The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-09-24
THE MERRY SlDEI

ILL MILL l OlDu!
"Honesty is the best policy" but it sometimes
awful premium.
The printers at Washington think the litter
IN the offices is the 'Devil's'' work.
Britannia may rule the wave,' but she can't |
sail yacht with the bloody Yankees.
At Shamokin, Pa, family named Gedion |
ate toad-stools, and hopped into eternity.
"He who runs may reed?" chuckled the thief, |
as he lodged his pursuers and hid in swamp. |
The colored Professor said: "De watermelon |
am always good company, becoz it am always
well-red"
Fitz Lee is marching up and down Virginia
with rebel battle-fiag. He is 'fring the South
ern heart"
The whippipg-post has a splendid effect in
Baltimore. The people called for Reform, and
they got it-by return of post.
John Beatty has tackled the temperance
question, and clearly proven-thata great man
may make an ass of himself.
General Spinner is camping out, in Florida.
While he is out in the open air he ought to get
somebody to survey his signature.
Lord Lorne's fnk-bottle is made of the hoof
of a celebrated war-horse. He uses this bottle
when writing "foot-notes.''
A merchant at Winchester, Adams county
became insane by attending too closely to his
own business. Don't forget this!
#&+
1t is said of the late Emory A. Storrs that he
"peyer wore a neck-tie twice. Then it must
have got awful dirty before he died.
+**
At Worcester. Massachusetts, the workmen
are boycotting rubber boot factory. But
they'll be forced to gum it up, at last.
"silver is quite popular in the South,'' says
market report. Yes, they've had plenty oflead
down there, give 'em silver for a while.
What is the use for the ladies to ask men to
svote as they pray?" Do they want the ma
jority of men to dsfrancnise themselves?
-
ssThey don It fight mel" says John L. Sullivan,
the cham pion brute. But a little constable
rested him in Cleveland, for playing baseball
on Sunday.
Marietta has horse that PAGES in 2:2O in har-
ness. That would be counted fair warming
up'' gait in Jackson-but we won't give figures.
At Bradford, Pennsylvania, George Canf1eld,
a boy. threw a stone at nitro glycerine can.
Jordan.
Hoadly has signided willingness to meel
John Sherman in debate. George isn't afraid.
Neither was the lamb that tried to but the lion
out of the pathway.
"Why won't water run up hill?" asked the
teacher of the young philosophy class. "Be-
cause the hills in the way!" shouted a small
boy.
Spraggs says he always liked to march in the
rear when going toward the enemy, 'for if you
found him, the last state of that column was
better than The first"
Since the girls have gone to stealing horses,
another field has been made Improbable aud
dangerous to man. The silly woman will prob
ably go to sitting store boxes next.
:.
The Salvation Army has invested Gallipolis.
But they don't make imposing an appear
ance yet as the Brigade which marched on Gal
lpolis from Jackson, early in the late war.
Old lady, reading of yacht race: 'sThe Britisher
went down on the other tack, and the Ameri-
can shot aheadi OF course it did! How could a
Teller run when he was jabbed up that way?''
.+.
They are talking about starting "Salvation
Navy to cooperate with the "Army." In
view of the experience of the "Army" they
should all be iron-clads.
The Czar of Russia is said to be the liveliest
waltzer in st. Petersburg. No wonder! A man
who has to spend his whole life lodging dyna-
ito bopo obS Obi to hp Ua
".s*
The Ironton Register says Rev. J. Steptoe
was always powerful in prayer" But nobody
ever thought he could pray down a Catholic
Church and leave the steeple standing
It is now charged that Democratic campaign
documents are being printed at the Peniten-
tiary Printing Office. Well, why shouldn't they
be? Could there be a more appropriate place?
An editor named Murray, and a Senator
named Moore began duel in the streets of
Charleston, S. c., and after firing four or five
shots apiece, the citizens became afraid they
might hit one another after while and parted
them.
Lieutenant Isgrig, of Indiana, told, a short
time ago, the etrue account" of the capture of
Jeff Davis, how he saved Jef7s life, and how
Jeff thanked him for it. Now JEFF says he
never saw Isgrigg, and never heard of him
before.
Wilson of the Ironton Register, says that a
burglar entered the residence of Alderman of
the Marietta Register, and "when he found out
that an editor lived there he backed out" Of
course he did. No sensible burglar is going to
fool around man who can command the
"devil," and make him obey. Not much!
There is an Enoch Arden case at Charleston,
Mo-, which is not so pathetic as Tennyson's
tale, but vastly more practical ]. K. Halliday
left little Rock, twenty years ago, to hunt work
and when he returned home found that his
wife had eloped with tramp printer. One
day last week he found her, the mother of a
family, in Charleston, and became very demon
strative in his affection. She didn't weep, and
hang about his neck. She had him arrested
and put in the calaboose.