The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1885-09-25
FACT AND FANCY.


knows the amount of water on the
roads.
A mar al get gloriously drunk in
Japan for 20 cents. This is why the
japanese who come to America save
their money and take it home with
them.
Instructor in Rhetoric-Give an ex-
ample of a syllogism. Logical Fresh
man-All men are more or less alike.
l am a man; therefore l am more or
less alike.
Terrible railroad accident ycster-
day, wasn't itp" "Hadn't heard OF it,
what was itp" .sThe X road, you
know it?" Eyes, wellp" sit paid a
dividend"
. The aim of Chinese parents is to SO
tutor their boys that if one Of them
happens to sit down on an eight-ounce
tack in the presence of company he
won't even bob up.
Vermont decoration orator: s'Fellow
citizens, we air met here to-day to
desecrate the graves of them air SOL
diers who died in defiance of their
country. Forward, march!"
There are only two occasions whom
Il man finds Out what an a%trocious viii
Ian he is. The first is when he runs
for the aldermanship of his ward, and
the second is when his wife sues him
for divorce.
Are you superstitious, my dearps'
sad Miss Birdie McGinnis to Il newly
arrived stranger in Austin to whom
she had become engaged. Mot a bit;
but why do you ask?" replied the
youth. Nothing, except yon are the
thirteenth young gentleman to whom
have been engaged"
My dear" said a frightened hus.
band in the middle of the night shak-
ing his wife, where did you put that
bottle of strychnine?" "On the shelf,
next to the peppermint" 20, lord!'
he graoned. I've swallowed it,
well, for goodness sake" whisper
cd his wife, keep quiet, or you'll
wake the baby"
Did your story win the prize?" mo.
but 1t came near winning it. 1t fail
ed only IN n stipulation" "And
what was that?' sit was to have the
EDITORS hair stand on end" ''Oh, /
see. 1t wasn't exciting enough"
Eyes, 1t was ''Then why didn't it
make the editors hair stand on endp'
.'He hadn't any. He was bald-head-
ed.''
In Il western town a citizen of the
name of William Shakespeare has been
appointed postmaster. Recently a
visitor asked one of the leading resi-
dents of the place if he were familiar
with the works of Shakespeare. .'All L
know about him isl replied the resi-
dent, she has been workin' for the
postmastership for sixteen years, an
he's got there at last. That's about
all the work l ever knew Bill to
do" ~
AT an evening party Dumley was in
troduced to a young lady, and after a
remark about the weather he said,
CALAMITY: "And have / really the
pleasure of meeting the beautiful
Miss Smith, whose praises are being
sounded by everybodyg" ..Oh, no,
Mr.. Dumley," the lady replied; s'the
fer is a cousin of mine" 'Oh. that
it. Well, [ thought there must be a
mistake somewhere" said the gallant
Dumley.
A tramp applied at the back door
for assistance just as the minister's
family was preparing for morning
prayers. ''Nly good man said the
minister, kindly, I'VE would be glad
to have you Join us in our devotions,
after which YOU will receive a nice
breakfast. y Certainly" replied the
tramp, graciously. "show me right in.
a man who is kicked and bui1eted
about the world as | am ought not to
be squeamish in the face Of q square
meal" z.
A Fellow to be Trusted-..What do
you think of Bliffkins, BROWNE"
Pretty fair sort of a chap IN his way,
l believe "Do YOU know him wellp''
"Oh, yes; | am very well acquainted
with him, indeed" "And you con-
slider him a man to be trustedp" '.No
doubt of It," ..What do you base
your opinion upon?" personal ex-
perience.' ''How's that?" .'Well, ]
began trusting Blltfkins shortly after
l became acquainted with him, and ]
am trusting him still"
Gentleman-I am sorry to learn Of
Your wlfe's death. Uncle Rastus. I'm.
Gle Rrastus-Sah? Gentleman-I say
that l am sorry to hear that your wife
has recently died. Uncle Rastus (witt
a puzzled look)-I giss da' am some
mistake bout dat, Mistah Brown.
lief de ole in gud health dis
mawnin', sab. Who said she wal
dead? Gentleman-I've forgotten
now. Uncle Rastus (his face clearing
up)-Oh, ya'as, now | understands
sab. Dat wuz ec formah wife oh mine
Mistah Brown. She died mon foaf
weeks ago. De present incumbent an
all right.
Little Ernest, a small boy recently
emancipated from kits, walked int
the nursery one morning and wa.
quite disguised upon finding that j
had not been put in order for the day
-one of the rules of the house being
that no playthings should be brough
5 out until the sweeping was done. IL,
lett the o for a short time, ant
finding matters no better on his return
exclaimed, impa.iently: ''Well, hasn'
this room been sweeped yet?' ''Why
Ernest said his mother, ''do yol
think that is good grammcr?s" "Ol
well, them" said he, ''has it beer
swopen??'
In an Arkansas town, several night
ago, Il MOB, led by a desperate man
marched to the jail, dragged a nun
derer from the cell. and hurried wit
him to the outskirts of the town
Each man wore an expression of de
Observation-Disclosures hardened b,
awful resolve. The prisoner attempt
ed to speak, to beg for his life, but tn
buriv hands closed around his throat
[ and the prayer he would have uttere,
went out in an i~narticulate gurgle
When the Infatuated men reached
large oak they halted. One of then
threw Il rope over II limb. "Gentie
men," said the prisoner, "please Civ