Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-09-06
PLAIN DARN FOOL.
The Man Who Biundered Into the
Wrong Room.
The Queer Observations Of the Great Eli
Perkins at an Eeastern Water
ing Place.
81. LoNiJ Republican.

So. LotftJ Republican.
SARATOGA, August 28.-To day happen
ed to SIT at new table in the States dining
room. At my right was a very wealthy
Fifth avenue lady, Mrs. Van Ness, whose
husband has recently become rich. Like
he average Fifth Avenueite, Mrs Van Ness
does not appreciate true worth, but BOYS
down 10 money and good clothes. know
this because live on Fifth Avenue ms
eff.
"a The rich old parvenu sat down she
cowled at the table cloth, put her hanis
Up to Ter $1,000 earrings snd remarked
eontenptuously TO friend opposite:
Yea, In going to cut that horrid Mrs.
Mason from St. Paul. I'm going to cut her
dead l must doit."
Why do you cut the lovely Mrs. Mason"
eshsd her lady friend.
Because" ssid tho rich Mrs Van Ness,
because her husband mas lost sll his money,
and che wears machine made dress and
machine made dresses are vulgar. Do you
hiLk | want to associate with any such
dresses as she wears? Me- And then this
Indignant ard sris:ocrstic old lady from
Fifth Avenue went on eating fried potatoes
With her knife.
bow do you know Mrs. Mason wears q
machine made dress?' asked Der friend.
How Do l know How do l know
Why, confdentislly, between you and |, |
used 10 be sesustress in Chicago myself
ard | can see the machine stitches in Mrs
Mason's dresses across the room; bat, for
GOODNESS sake, don't say told your
Saratoga Dancing.
Dancing has almost ceased at the water
irg places. The ball rooms are beautiful
and the band music is expensive and in
piriDg, but it is out Of fashion to dance,
Fifteen years ago, as soon as the band struck
up there would be a scampering for the ball
room foor. Many fights occurred, because
# ga!lants disputipg about partners or about
ocai,;es to dance. To-day when the band
strikes up, few children whirl off in the
-ound dances, while the young ladies sit
around the room and wait. Later on, q
lew country people or villagers walk YEARLY
through square dance or two and the So
allied great ball ends. ! asked a young
'ady why dancing was going out.
'Oh, it's horrid," she said. Dancing
nil co among crowd of romping girls in
tour dollar musin dresses, but dancing isn't
ace when you are dressed in three-hun-
dred dollar Worth dress, with point lace
sleeves. II molstens the powder on your
tate. hargs down your hair, perspires yoar
.'.e5. p, and makes YOU feel sticky ell over.
lief ned nan is disgusted at red-tacsd,
rli,i & sticky girl. .,
- tn what shall The girls do in the bsll
.ccn. - | asked
"Nb nv, sit round and see the fools dance,
~ lily do in China. You can't talk when
u BE dancing. 1t destroys everything
melt.l Hes n uch better 10 cit in the cor
CT y III nice young man and talk and
h G. the boiling crowd Of country lunatics,
reading on each other toes as the perspi-
ration rurs down their faces"
A Saratoga Blunder.
A young short sighted Boston literary
man arrived in Saratoga yesterday. Atter
adjusting his one5arrelled English eye
glass be registered his name and was as
signed to room - at the States and his
luggage sent up. Then our Boston philoso.
pher walked Straight out into the country
20 lock for.specinens Of bugs and curious
geological fossils.
At night cur near sighted Boston young
man came back. He adjusted bis eye-glass
ard stumbled upstairs TO bis room, bat be
accidentally got into the wrong room. The
room he entered was 222, which was occu-
pied by two lovely girls from PAiladelph
The youpg ladies were both in the bath
room. On their return to their room, it be.
irg skady aId dark, they didn't notice the
You're man who lay sprawling Oh the bed.
so they threw OF their clothes down to q
loose garment with.low neck and no sleeves,
and wsnt on makirg their toilets. After
hey Rad washed and powdered their faces
and put on pink aud blless stoc kings to match
their dresses, one aaid:
"Oh, Julia, I'm going to Try red rose
leaf on my cheeks tonight. Now don't let
me pat On too much and make a guy of my
sell" As she said this she caught glimpse
Of The yourg man SPRAYED out on the bed.
Then there was bedlam.
oh, man! help! help On, oh, oh!'
they shouted. He'll Kill US On, muir.
der
This woke yoarg Boston, who screamed:
What you doin' in my room! Go way Go
way"
Its our room" screamed the young lc
dies, crounching into corner.
Its mine Oh, 90 out he shouted back.
Ir's 224
40 it's 222; amt you shamed?" rt-
turned tie giTls.
II brought our rear sighed Bostoaian
to BIS senrcs, ~ d he made has e TO leave.
is be went into the hall the whole house
seemed 10 be aroused.
"li's mistake, he Paid 10 the walters,
detectives and reporters. "lts all mis-
take stock the :oom-jus. my dnned
-,up,2'ty-and-
What is your pameT asked reporter
Of the SHratogian, pencil N han
Name exclaimed the Bos'onlsn.
Name? Darn my name Jut put me
down as Fool-plain D., m Foo =
Grant $50 Feet High in Brass.
Grants tomb in New York ia about nine
miles from Castle Garden. Talking with
Mvyor Grace at Saratoga to day be said
The tomb has caused great activity in
he real estate market uptown. Twelve lots,
an even square, near the monument site
vas offered to me three years ago for $780,
600. To-day they are asking $4,000 for
the same square.
"Will the MOI uncut surely be built?'
asked.
"Of course it will. Property owners
slong Riverside Park can AFFORD to subscribe
$500 900 to have it built. If twelve lots
gain in value $4,000, forty -eigbt lots or
four squares would gain 100000. The
ton occupies spot on the island previously
unknown and unvisit.d. A street railroad
Low runs I'D tie Grand boulevard directly
to il. Vanderbilt has also run his Madison
avenue street car 81 stem clear across the
Harlem river to Mott Haven. There is q
tremendous activity all over the upper end
of Mauhatten Island.
What advancement in real estate has
been caused By the proposed monument?
l Is ked leading real estate man.
1t has advanced uptown real estate S20,-
0o0. 0O0. II has anticipated the bailding up
= Il l.. ..1,.I