South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-15

shouted iittia Ted Saunders, ~hos. nan.
Is a cooper.
prominent merpber of a church No,
Thousand miles fr. n, this ci,y was
talking With his pastor The otLer day
about an exo,llent but somewhat sg-
grcssivs lady Of The parish. Ate,
de-c"nt'og ut length "a be- vir'v he
concluded nv ssyin il lcl she ms,
De csl Ell The sal of tn. sarih. Yes
rsspout.d the clergyman quic.lv, and
tho peppsr, too New Yok Tribune.
Look yeah, Jedek'ah, I'D Won marry
Matilda Jane Huckiebsckr' asked one
3arkeY OF another. 'Da1s joss wha. I
Gi',' was the response. What did you
marry dat ole oman fur1 See ole
'nuf to be your muider' L married
h,r fur what shs's wuH. Yer sss dsw
Gillian can pick q power ob cotton d IL
fall; piles she ownss q one.eyed mule
and q bsdstid.' Is dat so? GOily!
Dat oman offered to n,rry me once
bn. I fusel. Waas fool I is
A long, tip,y man coming homs fro N
market fell into ditch. A passsr by
tried to put him on his legs again. He
got him up as far as his knees and said
Now you will be able to get home
again The other, to bis great aston.
i.hmsnt, replied: Ma, mar, there Is
aniiher fauld O me YETI
HIS OER BRILLIANT ACTIoN.-Thsy
had had little party Of guests at the
house. and he remarked 10 his wife, A
lie WAS getting ready for bed, that 10
BATTERED himself that he bad actsd the
part Of host in rather brilliant msnper.
/ can only recall enc brilliant astisA
OF yours, she said.
What was that
lighting the gas
Look here, this piece Of meat don't
suit me. It's from the back Of the ami.
malls neck said man to q cernan
butcher. Mine frisa', all dot psof vat
! sells ID pack Of dot neck. Dare voc
nodding pat asrns in front OF Diet meek.
Actual occurrence: Littls girl a,
breakfast tab.s-'Mamma, this is very
Gid butter; / have found & grey hair
in it,
johnny, do you know the t.n.a eos-
mandmeotr 'Yes'm.' Say it, Can't
But you just sale you knew it. Johrny.'
'Yes'm, know it when l see it,
A Brooklyn man said 10 his Prs,by-
terrain pastor: x Am going TO the
Aethodiat church after this 'Ab, aud
Why soi' asked the minis or. Well, if
you don't get your shoes made q, my
shop. 1 won't get ny preaching done at
ysurs.
Jimmy, ray child the fsna mother
exclaimed, don't eat 80 much Of that
lobster salad. you'll Be i'll tonight
dear: know you will Well, ss,'
said Jimmy. ~ he helped his ,slf to al.
othsr Pistsful, If I an yeah kaow
what's the matter with me-. anyhow
5emsrvills Journal.
A toutsnie friend ran a fOot-rsss and
lost bat ran again and won. He said
I'm aIst at last, II vas psbiAd pefsre.'
Why He WEPT.-A San Antsnia
darksy vas en- trial fer stealing money
from house on Soledsd street.. Julian
Van Slyck. the attorney for the prison
ar. III lis address TO the jury said !:
Gentlemen. my client 10 . poor mau
He was d iven by hunger and want to
tsks he small sum of nonsy to buy
bread, for it is In evidence that he did
sot take the pockethook containing
$500 that was in the same bureau
drawer. II he was 8 professional thief
he would have certainly taken the
pocketbook' The eloquent attorney
fer the accused was interrupted by the
convulsys sobs Of his client why De
you weepr asked Judge Noonsn. who
was on the bench. 'Bekaso / didn't SCI
dat ar Pockstbook in de eursa drawer,
wac the reply. Everybody laughsd tx
ospt Van Slycs, the sttOrnsy fer The
dstsnts Texas Slfling..
What Ia the matter With the SAby2
asked q lady Of little giri, whose baby
brother she bad understood TO be siling
'Ob, nslbin' much, wss the snsuer.
Hs's only hstchin' teeth.
A srother ras praying with ouct
noiss for fsth-soul.ssving faitu, ain