The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-14
BEING A WOMAN.


Some of the Trials and Tribulations That
the Fair Sex is Compelled to be Cheerful
Under.
1t is dreadful bother to be a woman
and do the business up in good shape.
In the first place you've got to look
well, or else you're nobody. A man
may be ever 50 homely and still be pop
ular. Whiskers cover up the most of
his face, and if he has big mouth no.
body mistrusts it, and if he does wrinkle
bad on his forehead his friends speak of
his many cares and his thoughtful dis
position, and tell each other that his
wrinkles are lines of thought. Lines OF
thought, indeed, when in all probabili-
ty his forehead is wrinkled by the bad
habit he has got of scowliag at his wife
when the coffee isn't strong enough
A woman must always be in good
order. Her hair must always be frizzed
and banged. as fashion demands and she
must powder if she has shining skin;
and she must man 10 look sweet.
no matter how soIr q may feel; her
dress must hang just 50, and her lace
must always be spotless, and her boot
! buttons always in place, and her finger
nails always clean; and then she mu N I
! whistle, nor climb fences, nor some
cats, nor scold when she S mad,
She can't go out alone, because ladies
must be protected; she can't go any
where when it rains, because her hair
won't stay frizzed and she'll get mud
on her petticoats and things; she can
be a Free Mason, because she would
tell their secrets aud everybody would
know all about the goat and gridiron:
she can't smoke, because that would be
| unfeminine; She can't go counting, be-
cause that would not be womanly
People will sigh over her, and wonder
why it is that men '.don seem to take:n
and all the old maids and widows smile
and keep quiet. Oh. these smiles and
these significant looks! They are ten
times more than open ISLANDERS.
1t is terrible thing to be an old
| maid. Everybody knows it is, and the
women who are married to drunken
husbands, and who manage to quarrel
with them six days out of seven, will
live in an agony of spirit over the
single woman aid cali her that poor
old maid.
A woman must marry rich or she
doesn't marry s'well. And to marry
s'well' is the end and aim of woman s
existence, judging from the view which
people in general take of this matter.
1t is erybody's business whom a
woman marries. The whole neighbor-
hood put their heads together and talk
over the pros and cons, and decide
whether she is good enough for him.
| There is nothing said about his being
good enough for her.) And they criti-
else the shape of her nose. and relate
anecdotes of how lazy her grandfather
was, and how her Aunt Sally used to
sell beans and buttermilk. A woman
must wear No. 2 boots on No. feet,
and she must manage to dress well on
seventy-five cents week. and she
mustn't be vain, and she must be kind
to the poor. and she must go regularly
to the sewing society meetings, and be
ready to dress dolls and make tides and
aprons for church fairs. She must be q
good cook, and she must be able to do
up her husbands shirts SO that the
Chinese washerman would grOan with
envy and gnash his teeth with the same
unholy passion at sight Of them.
T Ahs muss always have the wssculinc