The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-10-16

What goes most against farmers grain?
His moving machine.
--"Pm having rafting time" said the cur
with u can tied to his tail.
Honor and shame from no condition rise
very rich girl may make very poor pies
boston Budget.
The man who registered a VOW that he
would never have his hair cut until Blaine
was elected President, is seriously thinking
ABOUT gong West to bride an Indian to scalp
him.
An lrishman was taken to see a cathe-
oral AS he entered the magnificent build
ing, oewlldered by its beauty, he turned to
his companion and said: "Phwy, Moike il
bates the divil" That's the ntintion, Pat"
In Norway it is a common thing on very
not days to see women on their way to mar
ket driving their pigs by their side, and care.
fully protecting them from the sun with um-
brellas In this country the biped frequent.
ly takes the place of the pig.
When we observe people sleeping quiet.
y IN church during service, we can't but
thlnk how delighted the pastor must be to
know lhe members of his congregation have
such confidence in him as to quietly 90 TO
steep ana let him preach us he likes
Unconscious satire from precions pair
OF little lips. Yes" said little miss yester-
Gay, L have been out all day with mamma
making calls. l declare it seems as if none
OF the ladies' we saw could talk about any,
thing but servants and canning fruit"
,-Traveler-"Why is the fare so much more
from Chicago to New York than from New
York to Chicago?" Ticket Agent-"Eyer been
to Chicago 7" Traveler--"No" Ticket Agent
well, you will find it is worth twice as
much to get away as it is to go there"
AN English electrician asserts there 10
no case on record of person having been
Killed by lightning while asleep in bed
ms Is valuable. Whenever you hear il
thunder go to bed and fall asleep Immediate
~. This beats lightning rods for simplicity.
is the coon smart animal?" asked n
stranger OF old 81 Jackson on Onion Creek.
,Ialk about 'coons being smart, l should saw
dey was smart" "Wel, how smart are thev?''
"a coon played me de meanest trick you eber
heerd tell on. foun' hole whar de coon
went inter de groun', and l waited dar all day
long to shoot dat coon, and when he come
out he was polecat."
In western town a citizen of the name
postmaster.
Recently visitor asked one of the lending
residents of the place if he were familiar with
the works of Shakespeare.
All know about him is" replied the res
ident, "he has been workin' for the postmas-
tershlp for sixteen years, an he's got there at
last. That's about all the work ever knew
Bill to do"
You should have thermometer to as.
certain the proper temperature of the water"
said fond mother to the colored nurse who
was giving the baby bath.
"Whaffor ?"
ITO tell when the water is too hot or too
cold"
Don't need no SIGH dockerment. EFF de
chile turns blue de water am too cold, an eff
hit turns red den hit am too hot"
offer.
"A gentleman made up his mind that he
would give his wife surprise by spending
the evening at home. After supper he SET.
tied himself down for cozy time in the
bosom of his family. He had no more than
comfortably fixed himself when his wife
abruptly asked him if his friends didn't want
him any longer. Then his mother-n. law
asked him if he had exhausted his credit The
servant asked him if he was i'll. One of the
neighbors wanted to know if he had any trou-
BILE and was afraid of the law. All of which
occurred in twenty minutes, and in exactly
half an hour he was beyond Questioning
range in his club.