Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-03-01
A WOMANLESS REALM.
A SCREED FROM THE WILD BOA
NERGES OF THE YELLOWSTONE.
"Girls of America, Look at Dakota ~
"Ready to Fling All Its Glories and
Its Fellows at Your Feet
Come Northwest.


Cupid is a queer little chap; the older he
grows the crankier he gets. He Is bigger fool
maker to-day than he was 1000 years ago,
when he induced Col Samson, the great orig
inal lion tail twister and congressional jaw
bone swinger, to lay his wool and his glory in
the lap of a half-negro Delilah. He Is more
resstless moral tangler and common-seise
smasher in this lG9th year of Yankee Doodle
than when he made the Psalmlst David
Mormon and an assassin. he Is more eyre
gious ninny breeder now than
when he led all Homers heroes
on that wild Grecian bender after
the Sarah Bernhardt of the Trojan era lie
is a more ineffable idiot-manuiacturer this
moment than when, twenty centuries agone,
be wheedled Mark Antony-the ancestor OF
Susan B., who spells it with an "h'-into
casting aside tine scepter of the world for
nappy -pated Egyptian muklttress. lie Is a
more unconsc onable heather amid all our
nineteenth century blaze Of Gospel light and
liberty than when he and his scanty y-Skirted
mamma, Mrs Venus, led the pagan orgies
of Athenian damsels beneath the shade Of
ancient olive groves. He is creations marp-
lot, dignlty's dethroner, reasons upsetter
and scoffer.
Fang of hydrophobic cur never punched
as many madcap fancies into its victims
body as the slightest Craze of one Of his tiny
molasSes candy shafts Old women
toothleSS and Shriveiled, touched by the
pestiferous little archer who turks IN rose
buds and cabbage heads, plaster the + grave
ward countenances with enamals and paints
enough to gorge a camp of kickapoo squaws,
swing gawds and gewgaws to every avail
able protuberance, pile on sweet sixteen tog-
IL 4 10 in 81 n hat
would drive whole bedlam of ordinary
lunatics to suicide.
The bigger the folly the surer
the stroke No freak is too wild, no
vagary too monstrous. Eagles mate with
moles. and swans with hedge-hogs. Tom
Thumbs pine for Goliaths; sons of Anak wed
human hummingbirds; mighty-brain
heroes and statesmen rave over inane little
butterflies, puny wax dolls, and tatfy-faced
pigmies; kings bow down TO ballet dancers,
and queens take refuge in the arms of cooks
and coachmen; and, in all lands and climes,
in every condition and state, the cupil-
wounded gosling AMI goslingess have hard
road to travel to a paradise of squash-an
imaginary elysium, whose roses are too
often rue
All mascuiinity is doomed, soor or later,
to he smitten, punctured, harpoonei; and,
sheltered beneath the mantle or wings
whichever he wears-of swift-coming Saint
Valentine | wish to tell all womankind that
nowhere else on earth is that shifting, pune
turing, and harpoonng 80 easily done; no.
where else beneath the sapphlrean dome of
heaven does Cupid, tie Lilliputian gizzard-
piercer, come near having. like death, all
seasons for his own; nowhere else III all the
grand rounds of the sun and moon and peep
ing stars, are the victims so plentiful and so
readily catchable, crazable, and smaShable
as in the vast imperial regions of the new
northwest, the womGnless wonderland of the
world.
Girls OF America, look at Dakota, with
four and a half men and boys to every
woman and girl Thousands of young and Ell
terprising men, bonanza farmers aud miners,
raisers of gold ami golden grain, bankers,
merchants, town-Site proprietorS, and boom
ers. mining engineers and experts, lawyers,
doctors, ranchmen, army officers and mill
ionaire editors, coming congressman, gov
ernors, senators and constableS of the proud,
soon -to-be northwestern gianteSs of the
Union sisterhood, all dying to be struck with
jewelled shafts, rendering even the misery
of it delicious Thousands on thou
sands of young men of noble heart
and brain and Drawn, too brave and ten
der and true to be wasted, all signing and
longing to be heart-spitted, gigged like sem
timental flounders-and not one marriagea-
bic girl to every half-hundred of them!
Nearly every town in this greatest and
grandest of the territories is in the same dl-
plorable fix, counting its girls over every
night as carefully as old-tlmey ladies' did
their chickens or spoons and never able, by
any arithmetic, to scare up more than one
to every fifty fellows The whole great
American northwest groans under the woes
of a similar destitution. Think of a single
missionary in Manitoba, two or three years
ago, with so bachelors under his charge,
and not one weddable girl or gus hing widow!
Girls Of the woman-crowded, ol !-maid-ac-
cumulating older states here is the field for
YOU; here you are needed; here you are at
premium; here you are sure of dozen hus-
bands apiece, if you want them. Here Is an
empire stretching 1908 miles to the north
and west Up the Saskatchewan and across
the might Rockies to the golden slopes Of
the Pacific An empire va,ter and grander,
more fertile and beautiful and glorious than
ever Rome's gilded eagles glittered over in
her palmiest days of power and po,np and
pride-that waits the coming OF its mis-
tresses, its princesses and its queens. 1t is
ready to fling all its glories and its fellows
at your feet Without you it is doomed to
be a vast, sky-roofed, horizon wallet prison.
house of hspless, hopeless satyrs, mascu-
line Wilderness a womanless realm.
Come vest, young women, come north
west: and stand not upon the order OF your
coming but come at once Every one OF
YOU is guaranteed To strike a mascu-
lima bonanza in ninety days' time.