Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-05-29
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
STRAY BITS or HUMOR FOUND IN
THE COLUMNS OF OUR bA-
CHANGES.
Col. Toms Losses-The Chinaman's Areu.
ment-Balance Of Trnde-A Depr '.,,' y.
Rov-Tho whole Famiiy-The Sounding
Kiss, Etc., Etc
HIS LOSSES.

have lost $40, OOO--tWice the pay VI
member of this House-on the races
Yesterday. Matter, Great Scotts,,
cts too bad, Tom, but then
ayes, and the worst of it is, added
Colonel Ochiltree savagely, "ten dollars
of it was in cash.
UNANswERABLE ARGUMENT.
Chinese mandarin: "You Americans
are very smart but you are not consist
emit a.,
tsYou spend millions Of dollars send
ing missionaries to us.
9'That is true"
"And the object is to fit us for the
Kingdom Of Heaven.
eyes,"
"But still you refuse us a residence IN
the United States. Now explain that
"Well. you see, we are afraid Il you
90 to our country to live you II get
into American politics"
"What OF tkat?
"Tbat would unfit you for the King
dom of Heaven. "-PhitddetphtG eau.
NOT MARRYING THE FAMILY.
1 Jinks-"Get a week off and run down
To the seashore with me.
Minks-"I can't afford it.
"Oh. pshaw Your income is bigger
than mine and you have no children.
nTrue. but Il takes all can make TO
keen things going. My wifes relations
ali insist on boarding with me about
half the time.
400 INST how it would be, yet you re-
fIsed 10 listen. but kept saying that you
were not going to marry the whole
We'll. I didn't, either, but the whole
family seems to have married me. -
Philadelphia CaM
WHERE THEY GET ELEPHANTS SKINS.
When the elephant "Romeo" died IN
,ica0o some years ago, his skin was
4, ned and a large piece hangs over a
+ h,r + store on Madison street. Not
g lon ago. two ladies stopped to gaze ut
: h 70 y one of them exclaimed:
HW. dear me It's an elephants
skin !" .,o,., a.
s other Iadv: sswhy. how delightful ]"
e s,Tsn't il strange ?" continued the hrst
}, LADY 81 wonder where they got 1t.
) They don't raise elephants in Chicago
, ooh. dear. no r said the second lady.
n nFlenbanfs shed their skins every year,
Won know, Shoe and Leather ne
r porter.
THE SOUNDING KIND.
4 "Did YOU catch on to the sound OF
"a tbatP" remarked a youth to his COM
a papion the other evening as high
y sounding kiss was heard coming from
=. a couple standing in a doorway. :.
q ''Well, L should say l did, repneo
- 1T sounded like sky rocket had
a busted. / guess they must be newly
N married couple and they haven't got
through with the honeymoon yet
" "Honeymoon, thunder You car
- inst bet on it they amt married yet
81 Married kisses don't sound like that
he thew amt the sounding kind. = WeeESl
or Mayertck.
r. HE WAS A BOSTON NoMAD.
Oh ia was torn and tattered, travel
IL stained and hungry. He rang the bel
lm Of house which seemed to possess
ed bosnitable exterior "Ma'am, he SAT-
at to the woman vino answered the ring
Use ''I'm lust about starved to death; haven
ne had bit to eat for week.
id, "Why." asked the woman, can
Won get any work ?" :.
tic me tramp threw back his head WIT
OF inpatient disdain. beg pardon, D
Iad sold. sbut let Us not talk shop.
sh- The woman was so taken aback tns
ms IN her surprise and modification 81
ail. shut the door in his face. - Boston Irai
!" script.
ON A STRIKE.
"How are clocks to-day?" asked
dude as he stepped into q Superb
street iewelry store and smiled on u
we The clerk almost tainted under Il
MI, ,1l8's sickening grin, but had u
~ presence Of mind to say:
W VI ooh they're aAQn strike.
lOr As would be said in hovel, HerDe
80 de Ouinsy (the dude) muttered a cur
az between his zinc stuffed molars and d
ave onneared athwart the glimmern
iaI9 Gloom. Cleveland Plain Dealer
and TIE BALANCE OF TRADE,
the Mr. Irving ito Miss Anderson)-Ye
ple' America is a great country; made maj
illls pleasant friends there.
yea Miss Auderson-Your trip was qui
so a profitable one, was it not ?
1en Mr.. Irving-Fairly so. broug
low low back about $4,000
ana Miss Anderson--Did you, indeed
OF Bv the way, Mr.. Irving, I shall sail I
one home shortly, ana 1 wish you would
'ery me have the S15O,0O0, and I will q
ICES Won the same amount in hve-pou
,rge notes. .,.,,,r nov
- A DhfhAfAD ~
I T0n "Jim McSnifter," said Galvest
i59 school teacher to the worst 10Y IN scno
o nSH "vou have been behaving yourself mu
~ worse than usual for the past few day
Nv Nv II know it, but I've just got to
IL have bad, :" responded the boy.
saws "Why have you to behave worse ID
M a usual ?"
'.ul rounds and I want to make up for
,le % time I am going to lose when ca
side 'em. "-Teras Settings.
own WHAT KEPT HIM AWAKE.
have Maurice is sharp youngster, witt
D l.t sweet tooth. The other night
;,enl mother had some company and reire
II De mems were served. Maurice got q
tne Of a big piece Of cake and lay down
. .ns Il before the fire. He was very
lIse for a long time and finally his mot
ak Of spoke to him.
a1;o ~ maurice" he said, warning u.
slaa ssYes'm," he replied, raising his "a
Nm ~ ssYou'n 90 to sleep there, dear.
.no ssNo'm, won't, either. never g
sely sleep when there is any cake to eat
'0-' Merchant Traveller.