Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-01-22
SAULSBURY'S SORROWS.
Hunted to the Verge OF Lunscy by Mar
riageable Young and Old Ladies'.
Washington Cor. N. Y. Journal

rlaxcoDie 1oun8 anu Oiu L8uieS.
Washington Cor. N. Y. JournaLl
ais this Pennsylvania avenue, sir"
asked beautiful young girl this after
noon of q dignified old gentleman.
mo you DON'T" shouted the old man, as
he pulled of his spectacles and hoped
over the curb "I know all about you
young flirts, and amt 50 green as l look"
The old man threw an eye over his left
shoulder and spurted down the avenue at
top speed, leaving Miss Eva Dwyer COW
ered with bushes and confusion.
The old man who acted in such remark
able manner is Senator Salisbury Of Della
ware. He Is . pinched-faced man and is
distinguished by his inordinate love of
Morris cove oysters, and aversion to mar
riageable females. A recent attack Of in =
nammatory rheumatism in the foot has
not improved the old gentleman's disposi-
ton, and his curtness toward his brother
Senators has made him unpopular.
Recently Senator Wade Hampton, who
Is bigger wag since he lost his leg than
ever, started story about Salisbury that
has the effect Of making the latter a species
Of monomaniac-
The story is that Salisbury took a sol
emn oath In 1860 mover to marry until the
Democracy won President, and that he
now intends TO lead an hoiress, with whose
charms be has long been sniitten, 20 the
altar.
The large circulation Of this story has
had the effect of bringing q plumber o.
''heirsssss" to Washington whose hearts
have fallen a prey TO the accomplished
DIRT from Dover, aud the aged statcsman's
existence has lately been q succession OF
spasms. A good looking female ia q
Gainesborough hat viii give him q kink in
the back as though he had beeu Kicked Ly
pile driver, while the approach OF giddy
little creature In curls will drive him to the
verge Of epilepsy.
His experience to-day is but one OF the
twenty or more that he has overy day, and
his friends begin TO fear that IL something
isn't soon done for his relief the old man
will 20 of In an attack OF 'collywa n es. i"
Whenever there IL rustic Of silks ia the
diplomatic gallery, the old gentleman will
hop up as though pin had been stuck into
him, ID four times out OF every dive I'll at
he thus jumps he will strike his game foot
against something and howl with pain.
A lsughabls scene occurred in the rotun-
ds the other day, when II airy, the apple
woman, tried tO induce the Senator TO pur-
chase some OF her last years fruit. She
approached him with an ancient rel sppls
In each hand. and smiled as swsetly as the
loss Of her teeth would permit.
stand back" cried the Senator, pokins
his cans at her. "Dont you dare to colno
near me. or pll have you arrested"
But, Senator, sure" pleaded Mary
''you engaged
"Engagsd'' shrieked the Delawarean.
And the old man forgot his rheumatism
for once and bounded up the steps lea,lins
to the Senate chamber like young colt
II had 40 idea" remarked Senator
Hampton. that SALISBURY bad been ..
playful In his youth or I would not hav,
cracked the joke on him. l. Is too bad
indeed. but l suppose it can't 10 helped
now.
When Senator Salisbury suffers the S"n.
ate chamber now be is at onc> The objsctlv.
point Of every opera glass ia the gsIlery
and many al old swsethssrt Of his xrowr
gray and wrinki~i with w-ary waiting foi
the old veteran 20 hsav~ TO and pop %,
4aN@bHttts IS" - ~ y t@D Ne tlfsf -
ais helm and sinks iuto bis scat. 1Ie lsisi
his eest, poor man, 20 rad new spapsfs an
write letters 70 hi. constituents, bal ll 4
plain that bis ~ nd is not wsdded 10 sltsas
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