The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1885-09-25
SELECT STORY.
MY LAST REHEARSAL.

Probably the theory Of evolution
never received a more practical illus.
tration, physically and mentally, than
in my case. For whereas | am now a
portly, sedate, well.to do father of a
family, church warden, overseer and
guardian of my parish, some thirty
years ago Twas slender harum- -scarum
bachelor, impecunious, and ready at a
moments notice for any folly which
might present itself to my excitable
and mercurial temperament. Vicious
| certainly was not, but merely thought
less and inconsiderate. My name is
Matthews, and was christened Charles,
after an uncle, from whom my father
had pocuniary expectations. The late
Charles Reid was undeniably right
when he said that versatility never
pays. l was fair baritone single, a
clever caricaturist, an admirable mimic
and enjoyed great renown as an anna
teur actor. Yet at the age of 25 | was
entirely dependent on my father for the
necessaries of life and pocket money.
My la, gest creditor at this time was
my tailor, to whom l was indebted in
the sum of ninety-five pounds, four
shillings and sixpence. Unless my
father "stumped up" / had as much
chance of being able to pay the ma
tional debt as of defraying this amount.
For some reason or other my father
proved unusually obstinate at this
juncture, and declined to do anything
in the matter; remember he described
his conduct as frmness. l have omit.
ted to mention that was in love with
a very pretty, but portionless 20 .ng
lady by the name of Walker. My
father characterized this circumstance
as another sample of my thoughtlese-
ness and perversity, as my acquaint-
ances were several young ladies with
very tolerable fortunes. l had a quasi
rival for Miss Walkers good graces, OF
the name of Noble. He was very
plain and unpleasant in his manners
that / entertained no fears of being
ousted by him,and accordingly we were
very good friends. He employed the
same tailor (Binks) as myself, and one
memorable morning Mr.. Nobbs came
to me and told me that Binks had is.
sued writ against me for the amount
of my debt. The law against debtors
at that date was much more stringen,
than it is at present, and l determined
to leave London and go into hiding fol
a time, until could prevail on my
wealthy uncle to relieve me of Binks
claim. | had few pounds in my
pocket, and informed Nobbs that
would start at once for a small water
ing place which l will here call "Sea
mouth had never been there, bu
had heard good account of it fren
friend who had found it cheap, auiot
and salubrlous. In an hour l had my
modest portmanteau packed (whicl
had my name duly inscribed on a bras
plate thereon), and was steaming a
the rate of thirty miles an hour fol
the nearest postal town to Seamouth
When l left the train / found ther,
was coach about to start for Sea
mouth, distance of about eight miles
After an hours drive l was deposite,
at the door of the "Red Lion"
was not much puzzled as to the choic,
of my hotel, for the "Red Lion" wa
the inn in the place. Seamouth con
sisted apparently of one long, struggling
street, with a few detached houses OF
the outskirts. At distance of a hun
dred yards the open sea tumbled an,
tossed on the shingly beach. In tel
minutes felt had "done' Seamouth
and contemplated with some feeling
OF dismay heightened residence il
this secluded spot. l had already Sc
cured bedroom, left my portmanteau
and ordered a steak and accessorie
prior to my stroll round the place. A
crossed the entrance hall to the coffe
room, l found myself the object o
special observation by the staff of tn
hotel. The rubicund Boniface salute,
me with a broad grin, the antiduate,
waiter smrked in peculiar fashion a
he fastened to open the door of tn
coffee room, while housemaid on tn
stairs was evidently much more occu
pied in studying my personal appear
ance than sweeping the carpeted stairs
"A half-length of what was evidentl
the cook peered from the regions be
low. | was about to seat myself a
one of the tables when the host al
vanced, and with very deferentia
bow begged that l would accept th
offer OF private room. Antici
pating my objection he went on to sa
that no extra expense would be il
CURED in consequence. So few mir
utes saw me engaged in discussing
juicy tender steak, some mealy pots
toes, fanked by a tankard of nur
brown ale, with an obsequious waite
as my sole attendant 1 determine
to write to my uncle Immediately afte
dinner, as my slender purse would 500
be exhausted in defraying the cost c
my present luxury. As the waite
placed an apple tart on the table,
remarked, T.think this is your first Wis
to Seamouth, sir :" l replied in affirm
alive, muttering sotto voce, sand ais
my last; Seamouth appears to be
very sleepy kind of place. The ol
waiter drew himself up, apparently !,
senting this stigma on the little waite
place; "Very quiet, sir, but very s,
lect. BuS We shall be very lively no
you have honored us with a visit, sir
failed to perceive how the present
of fugitive debtor could add to Il
cbeerfulness of any place, but l mac
no repl 1, considering the complimel
would be charged for in the bill
"lt's hastonishing, sir,what a dilferen