Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-07-04
Rules and Regulations of a Model Sum-
mer Hotel.

This hotel has been built and ar
ranged for the special comfort and
convenience of summer boarders.
On arrival, each guest will be asked
how he likes the situation, and if he
says the hotel ought to have been
placed up on the knoll or farther
down toward the village, the location
Of the house will be Immediately
changed. Corner front room up only
one flight for every guest. Baths,
gas, closets, hot and cold water, laun-
dry, telegraph, restaurants, fire-alarm,
billiard table, daily papers, coupe,
sewing machine, grand piano, cler-
gyman, and all other modern con-
veniences in every room. Meals
every minute if desired, and cOnse-
quently no second table. English
French and German dictionaries fur
nished every guest to make up sucha
bill of fare as he may desire, without
regard to the bill affair .afterward at
the office. Walters Of any nationality
or color desired. Every waiter fur
nished with a thereto, button-hole
bouquet, full dress suit, ball tablets,
and his hair parted in the middle.
Every guest will have the best seat
in the dining hall and the best waiter
in the house. Any guest not getting
his breakfast red hot, or experiencing
a delay of sixteen seconds after giving
his order for dinner, will please men
ton the fact at the Office, and the
cook and the walters will be blown
from the mouths of cannon in front
of the hotel at once. Children will
be welcomed with delight, and are
requested to bring hOop-sticks and
hockeys to bang the carved rosewood
furniture especially prepared for that
purpose, and peg-tops to spin on the
velvet carpets they will be allowed
to bang on the pianos, yell in the
halls, slide down the banisters, fall
down stairs, carry away dessert
enough for a small family in their
pockets at dinner, and make them
selves as disagreeable as the fondest
mother can desire.
Washing allowed in the rooms, and
ladies giving an order to "put me on
a fiat iron" will be put on one at
ANY HOUR OF THE DAY OR NIGHT.
A discreet, waiter belonging to the
Masons, Odd Fellows, Knights of
Pythias, and who was never known
to even tell the time Of day, has been
employed to carry milk punches and
hot toddies to ladies' rooms in the
evening. Every lady will be consid-
cred the belle Of the house, and row.
boys will answer the bell promptly.
Should any row-boy fail to appear at
any guests door with pitcher Of ice
water, more towels, a gin cocktail,
and pen, ink and paper before the
guests hand has left the bell knob,
he will be branded "Front" on the
forehead and imprisoned for life.
The Office clerk has been carefully
selected to please everybody, and can
lead in prayer, play drow-poker,
match worsteds at the village store,
shake for the drinks at any hour, day
or night, play Billiards, is a good
waltzer, and can dance the German,
make fourth at game of euchre
amuse children, repeat the Beechel
trial from memory, is good Judge Of
horses, as railway and steamboat
reference is far superior to Appleton's
Or anybody else's guide, will flirt
with any young lady, and don't mind
being damned any more than Con
necticut river. Can room forty PEG
pie in the best room in the house
when the hotel is full, attend to the
annunciator, and answer questions il
Greek, Choctaw, Hebrew, Irish, o.
any other polite language at the same
, moment without turning hair.
Dogs allowed in any room in thu
house, including the w(h)ine-room
Gentlemen can drink, smoke, chew
', gamble, tell shady stories, stare at TIT
new arrivals, and indulge in any
other innocent amusement common
to watering places, in any part of TIT
3 hotel. The landlord will always b,
= happy to hear that some other hote
, is "the best house in the country
Special attention given to parties whC
can give information as to "hov
these things are done in Yewrup.'
The proprietor will take it as per
sonal affront if any guest on leaving
3 should fail to dispute his bill, tell hin
s that he is a swindler, his house barn