Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-02-23

You mustn't think dentist is mad be-
cause you catch him grinding his teeth.
Flattery is like cologne water-to be
smelled of, not swallowed
little girl seeing an old lady take out
her false teeth, said: ''Mrs.M. can you
take out your tongue too?"
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''Two sisters want washing" Thousands
of brothers are in the same predicament.
AS the milkman handed quart of milk
to a bright little girl, he solaced him.
self with the remark; ''To the pure, all
things are pure
SIS your father Christian" said a
gentleman to little boy eyes, sir,
said the little boy, ''but believe he has
not worked at it much lately.''
''Kill all the DOCTORS" exclaims a
southern editor. The only trouble about
this is that you can't persuade doctors to
take their own medicines.
''People sleeping near Niagra Falls
never hear CATS" says the Courier Jour-
nal. In justice to the cats it must be
said that it is not their fault.
Colorado women tramp around in cot
ton stockings with the thermometer at
40 degrees below zero. 1t is no wonder
that their husbands take to drink.
"Another cool wave," said the young
man when his two sisters and three cous-
ins standing in front of an -ice-cream sa-
loon beckoned him to come over.
Lady: twenty-five dollars week!
Isn't that too much?" Girl: ''No, mum;
the Consolidated Servant Girls Union
has forbidden us to wurrk for less, num-"
Josh Billings ''When was IL young
Iwus alwas in hurry to hold the big end of
the log and do all the liftin. Now | am
gruntin."
A young lady sent poem to news
SMILE" The editor ventured to express
an opinion that she would have succeeded
had she shown him the poem.
We read of a young lady having been
made crazy by a sudden kiss. This
should teach young ladies to be constant
ly expecting something of that kind, and
to be prepared for it when it comes.
A man took seat in the barber's chair
He asked the barber if it was the same
razor he had two days before. Being as
sured in the affirmative, the patient man
said, "Then give me chloroform."
At recent Sunday-school meeting in
Chicago, longwinded clergyman con-
sumed too much time with worldly ad-
dress. When he sat down, the leader of
the meeting unwittingly announced the
hymn beginning, "Hallelujah! It's done''
What a silly idea The Neae York Her.
aid publishes the sworn weekly state
ment of every plessman who works on
the Herald of the number of copies he
prints. Once month would seem to be
often enough to swear them. This con-
tinuous profanity must be awfully demor-
aliZing.
During the Conference at, the
following dialogue was overheard between
two newsboys: 81 say, jim, what's the
meaning of so many ministers being here
all together?" "Why," answered Jim,
scornfully, ''they always meet once a
year to exchange sermons with each
other
"Now, sir, observed the Judge in the
divorce suit, ''what have you to say for
yourself?" Your wife said she caught you
kissing her maid" 81 am very absent
minded, replied the man. 81 thought
she was my Wife .'And the maid.
What did she Think 81 suppose she
thought so too
'Come here, my little Eddie,'' said a
gentleman to youngster o1 seven wears
of age, while sitting in a room where "A
large company were assembled: .sdo you
know me?" Eyes, sir, / think | do
"Who am |, then? let ne hear" ssYou
are the man who kissed Angelina last
night in the drawing-room
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