davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
BRIGHT BITS.

THE revised version has it that call is van
lty and striving after wind" There must
nave been theatrical managers in those days as
well as now. whose greatest object Ia life was
the newspaper puff. -Peck's sun.
1T Is said of Bret Harte that he has become
so lazy that he would probably allow himself
to be kicked without any attempt at resist
ance. He might possibly protest, but not un-
less ne had his mouth already OPEN Detroit
Free Press.
TIMELY ADvICE-Never take food 10 pic
mic. Take plenty of wholesome drink and
something to drink it from. Never 90 to a
great distance. Never take very small chill
dren. Do not stay long. Have ahearty meal
as soon as you get home. Don't go to pic
nic.-LO1CeH Times.
"MY FRIEED,'' said clerical looking gen
tleman on the front platform to the driver,
II you must use the word. why not say
'sheolT"
Il tried that word on the down trip" re-
plleo the driver, and was ten minutes late
at City Hall"-Ne10 York Sun.
sMITH-''What is Brown doing now on the
Ite1sP Jones tan EDITOR" Every thing, from
writing poetry mp to soliciting advertising !"
SmIth-"1 on mean from soliciting up to writ
ing poetry. don't yOu?" JOnes-"Did you ever
read any of Browns poetry" Smith-"No."
Jones (conclusivelyl thought not. - Puck.
BARON TENNYsoN has three homes. This is
the difference between the Poet Laureate and
American poets who build verses for patent
medicines. There may be another difference
but 1t cannot be detected in the quality of
their respective productions evolved during
the past two or three years.-NOrristOa0 Her
GId.
A PIECE of laundry work. NOW, then"
SAID the Captain of Police to the janitor of the
station house, give the prisoner bath, and
when that Is done, let him be handcuffsd and
sent OF TO jail I'm other words, - remarked
the janitor, you desire the prisoner washed
ana roned and sent otfg" Precisely" And
II was done.-BOstoa Courier.
A CHICAGO PAPER SAYS a citizen of that
place who has been travelling in India has
brought home, among other cur iosities, two
praying machines. one of which runs for
eight and the other for four hours after being
wound up. The tendency of Chicago thought
IS now toward getting the fOur-hOur machine
put up in the Mayors Office and the eight
hour one in the Board of Trade. Pittsbur0
Chronicle.
Two MEN were quarreling. One Of them
threatened to shoot the other. The threat
ened man, In revival of an old piece of sar-
casm, asked: ''Where do you bury all your
deadY' just then an excited man drew the
satirist aside and SAID: my gracious! you
ought not to talk that wayF (Which way?"
Asking that man where he buries his dead"
why because he is physlcian."-Ar-
kdnSalo Trdgsler.
When first saw her all entranced
She held me with her charms:
And JOY untold! with her / danced
And clasped her in my arms.
Such lips as hers were never known
So ripe, so red, so chaste;
l thought ambrOsia alone
Was ht for them 10 taste.
Their memory with ME long remained,
But when her next saw,
That f0ndly- worshipped mouth contained
OF halrpiRs just score.
Boston Gazette.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

Pennsylvania New Marriage Law.
The new marriage law of Pennsylvania
and the attempt to enact a similar law
in New York show that the public mind
is awakening to the evil of hasty and ILL
considered marriages. Such marriages
are the source of more than half the
divorce cases that fill the dockets Of the
courts in every State.
According to the new Pennsylvania
law no marriage can take place without
license. 1t declares that if a marriage
ceremony is performed without a license
the person who performs it shall pay a
fine of 500. The effect OF the law Will be
to make those who are authorized to join
persons in marriage more careful in the
exercise Of their authority.
OF course the law does not interfere
with the rulings of the court with respect
to what constitutes legal marriage. In
Pennsylvania now, rs before the passage
of this law, any one who has acknowl.
edged a woman to be his wife, and has
lived with her as such, is held TO have
married her. If this protection were not
afforded women, the number Of them who
would become the victims of Adventures
would be much greater than it is.
There is a growing disposition cropping
out in different parts Of the country TO
make the laws regulating marriage much
more strict than they are. 1t would be a
good thing il there were a growing dispo-
sition TO make it more difficult TO obtain
divorce.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Tho Rawhide IN BaItin,ore

The rawhide appears to be doing very
effective work in Maryland. IL is putting
an end TO the practice OF wife-beating. A
man who is brutal enough to beat his
wife doesn't mind a small fine, or few
days in jail, but he does mind the raw
hide. He doesn't like tho sort OF punish
ment to which he subjects his wife, and
one inniction OF the rawhide is generally
sufficient to break him Of the wife-beatlng
practice.
Since the law authorizing the use Of the
rawhide on the bare backs OF wite-beaters
went into effect two men have been con-
yictod in Baltimore OF beating their wives,
and have had q chance to experience the
touching sort Of punishment which the
rawhlde inllcts. The last one was
young fellow who had been particularly
brutal TO his wife, and the sheriff took
especial pains to DO his work as II he
found real pleasure In IL. The supple
rawbide twisted itself entirely around the
victims body, and made a long, deep
cash. from which the blood flowed freely.
The practice Of beating wives has fallen
of wonderfully in Baltimore. The raw
hide punishment ~ feared as no other
punishment is, and there Is very marked
disposition 10 avoid II. IL might be well
for other States in which the wife-beating
practice 10 common to introduce the raw
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
young Harlan and the Ministry.

Washington Letter to tie Baltimore Herald.
Young Dick Harlan. upon whom DIR. sun
derland land cOnsecrating hands the other
day, is a fne counterpart of the hero of Ba-
ker's His Majesty, Myself" Young Harlan
is tall, broad and handsome like his father,
who is the AdOnis of the Supreme Bench de-
spite his superlative Burgundy complexion.
which every Kentuckian comes honestly
enough by. Harlan Ills decided to become a
Presbyterian clergyman while student I'M
der DIR. McCOsh, az Princeton. He said: 81
am going into the ministry just as any young
have a good big body, enough voice. and posi-
bly, some brains. ! shall get a good salary,
move in agreeable society, and make a re-
spectacle name for myself. l think these are
good honest motives for going into the pulpit.
If they are not, III come down again, quick
enough" We shall see.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
RecaIcitrant Burchard.

Mr.. Burchard, Director of the Mint,
threatens to give the Secretary of the
Treasury some trouble. Mr.. Burchard
likes his Office very much, and declines to
notice the hint of Mr.. Manning that his
resignation would be accepted with
pleasure.
Mr.. Burchard says that he was ap-
pointed for five years under a special
statute, and that he cannot be removed
except on charges that are satisfactory
to the Senate, He has several more years
to serve, and he insists that he shall be
allowed to serve them.
1t is doubtful if there is in the public
service a man who like his office as much
as Mr.. Burchard likes his. 1t is not
known that he has any special fitness for
his place, and it is certain that there are
thousands who could I'LL 1t even more
satisfactorily than he does. 1t is very
comfortable place, and pays the hand
some salary of 81, 800 year and travelling
expenses. Mr.. Burchard travels good
deal. He probably thinks that he is very
busy and is serving the government we'll
whenever he takes a trip to Illinois or
goes over to Philadelphia to see what is
being done at the mint in that city.
1t is probable that Mr.. Burchard will
have to go. Misplace is wanted for bet
ter man. Several prominent Treasury of.
ficials, who are now looking for something
to do, didn't want to go when they were
asked, but they went. 1t is probable that
Mr.. Burchard viii follow their example.
II ne is not an offensive partisan" it is
not because he is not a Republican of the
most radical kind.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Grnnlev,a Gnnaa.


NFNN TIC nts ssttttn ff0NHfNAMMs
One day a letter came 10 the New York
Tribune Office whom Greeley was editor bear
ing the following oabAilstic letters: "H. g..
N.Y. This IL all that was on the envelope
except the postmark, which showed that the
letter came from Lawrence, Kan. / call 10 "a
letter. but IL was not a letter, for ON opening
the envelope not a scrap Of paper was found
inside, 0nly crumplcd 81 note on some Ohio
bank. In Hose days iettcrs were sometimes
not prepaid and this was not, consequently a
due-bili was attached 10 the miasive
showing that the sum OF 3 cents was 10
be collected. Mr.. Greeley promptly paid the
3 cents. Who could be the senderY It puz.
zled the philosopher just little only such
d0ings can only be placed TO the credit OF Biil
ReynOlds.' unused Mr.. Greeley. bin always
had idioeyncrasies, and wher nc had a truck
farm out In Orange county would call, and
not hnding me In the sanctum would place "A
dollar bin FOR his subscription under a paper.
weight on my dosk and leave. Bill told me
he was going out West 20 try hls "iuck." 80
The paper was mailed TO William Roy uolds,
Lawrence, Kan according 20 Mr.. G.is direc-
ton, and upon Investigation it was found that
Groelcy'e surmite Was correct. Blll Reynolds
was the right party"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
She sat Down ON Him.



There is a pushing young painter who loves
to wear long hair, and who is mot apparently
an enthusiastic supporter OF Pears soap, and
this young painter has a very profound belief
in himself, and his own charms, and his own
genius, aud, above all, in his power OF oapti-
waiting the hearts Of the fair. The other even 20
ing our young painter found himself dining
at friends house, next 10 very attractive
young lady, whom he promptly underworld
her an about himself and his pictures and his
talents. he finally Informed her that he should
never marry. why nOtY" inquired his fair
companion. "Tf / did marry the young
painter replied, ~ should make 80 many
women unhappy II should have thought
you would only make one woman unhappy"
was the young lady's prompt comment. which
reduced that long haired egotist 10 silence.
He does not like that girl now, aud avoids her
when they meet.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

Childrens day was celebrated in the Metho-
dist church at Rexford FLATS yesterday, ana
the church WIS handsomely decorated with
lowers while numerous canaries Ia cages
suspended about the edihce added their sweet
music TO the singing OF the children. One
lady, not having a canary, brought an ac-
complished but not genteel parrot % church.
The parrot behaved quite well for a time, but
finally whom LITTLE boy Of his acquaintance
stood on the platform and began O recitation.
the bird commenced 10 mock him. causing
considerable amusement 20 the congregation
and greatly annoying the boy. Finally the
parrot screeched out. "llcy. you little devil Z"
which had the effect Of completely breaking
up tho youthful declaimcr and dcmOralizi ng
the congregation. The bird was led out Of the
church in dFgrace,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Truth" That should be Crushed.

The students of the University of Missouri
nave paper called Truth, of which We see it
remarked that: "If it were crushed to earth
1t would have its value as top-dressing." The
editor writes with far Western flavor. To
him the faculty of the University of Missouri
are "cranks, idiots, sneaks, knayes, and dead
beats" One of the female teachers is windy
alluded to as ''pOp-eyed apparition," and
the editor has recourse to poetry to describe
one of the faculty:
Not all the pumice of the polished town
Can smooth the roughness of this barn yard
clown"
One st. Louis paper llkens the schooling OF
the editors and contributors of Truth at the
states expense as 1.-THE cultivation of black
guardism at the cost of the ia Xpayer"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
The Great Eastern Compared with the
Ark?

from tde Ncto AOyE DNWs
To ne Editor: Will you please tell me which
was the larger-the Great Eastern or Noah &
Ark? If the Great Eastern was longer, wider
and higher, would not the ark hold more IN
slider +. ]. MECH.
The exact size of Noah's ark has not been
determined definitely. but. according TO Sir
Isaac Newton's calculations, based on his
estimates of the length of cubit In feet and
inches, the historical barge must have been
1882 feet long, s504 wide, aud 5l.56 deep.
The measured tonnage of the ark was Is, 2S2,
The Great Eastern was $50 feet long, So feet
wide, and SO feet deep, and she measured Is, =
O98 tons. Although the Great Eastern was
not 80 we'll proportioned rs the ark she proba
bly, had double the carrying capacity IL her
coal and machinery were left ont Of her, be-
cause she was made Of iron, and the ark was
a wooden ship,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Avoiding the Crash.
From tie Van Street Noaos.

ITUNt DIto y III
When the recent gold mine excitement
broke out IN Georgia, an old chap down near
Grlthn was induced TO invest $500 in the stock
OF a certain mine. After MS enthusiasm had
passed away he began to doubt, and one day
he took the train and paid a visit to thesmne.
When he returned he was met at the depot by
his son. who asked:
''Well, father, how is it2''
"HenrY, we've been swindled, was the re-
ply.
'.Howf"
"Why, they are digging a hole in the ground
and giving the man who turns the wiudlass to
draw up the earth 81 a day and found! Ex-
travagance will sink the hun capital in less u
month, and I'm going to sell out before the
crash comes
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

From the DGn5ury Comm Neeos.
Quite prominent Danbury citizen carried
W Waterbury watch, and as he is a little SEN
sitlve about the fact, we indulge him to the
extent of withholding his name. He had
heard and also read in the book of instruction
that accompanied his watch that he must not
under any circumstances open the inside Of
the watch. But it stopped, and he thought
he would see if he could discover the matter.
lie succeeded IN opening 1T, and out sprang
NOT glided-a handspring, which went for
him with all the vengeance of a thing of life.
and the end struck HIM in the eye, and now
there is possibility of his losing it. So much
for not needing good advice. So much can
ger turks in a Waterbury watch, and truly
dangers beset us constantly on ali hands.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

The Boston Post makes fine effort 10
be exceedingly far in stating the Georgia
bond case 30 as 10 make II appear that
Georgia il acting very foolishly In not
paying debt which she does not owe. IL
says; "Eyen though Il be granted that
the only bonds repudiated by Georgia
were those issued Illegally by a carpet
bag administration, and hence that the
State had a perfectly legal right 10 throw
them out OF its accounts and TO refuse 10
be bound for interest or principal, would
II not have paid the State, have been
better for its credit and cheaper in the
end had this part Of the debt been assumed
and provided for just or unjust2 To Judge
from the attitude against the State bonds
taken by certain capitalists In New York
at the moment, IL would seem that an
affirmative answer should unhesitatingly
be giyen.v ltis fortunate that Georgia
j. not " be judged by the attitude Of
certain New York capitalists. II the
Post VIII grant what II does, aud then
grant that the credit Of Georgia is to-day
murh better than IL was when the bogus
bonds were issued, II will see what the
conclusion viii be. Scarcely anything
that could be done would injure the credit
Qlteofgia 10 much as reckless recog-
ni.en q several millions OF dollars worth
~ bonds which she does not owe.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

In closing, we may give the secret-if it
may be so called-of the Stietto's great speed.
This results from her lightness, great engine
power and fine lines, but the first two quail
ties are paramount. She weighs only Is tons,
and develops 45O horse power, having l6-norse
power per ton Of displacement. This, as all
engineers and constructors know, is simply
tremendous in Its possibilities. The Stirling
Castle, the fastest merchant vessel afioat, has
only to 80 horse power per ton of dispace-
ment, While ocean steamers generally have
only from l to horse power per ton of dis
placement.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
An Interesting Question.
Fro1n the Bufalo Conrier.

from ire bUgdt0 courier.
Chow many people," inquired a Buffalo
philosopher, begin reading their daily news
paper at the beginning" The question ex-
cited considerable discussion. The result of a
comparison of ideas and experiences on the
subject was that quite as many people opened
their dalhes and began at the middle of the
last page as there were readers who started at
the beginning of page. Said participant
IN the discussion: IF you observe a dozen
men who take up newspapers YOU will hardly
ind two who begin to read at the same place.
60 into restaurant, a hotel office, or club
room and make few notes on the methods of
newspaper perusal,"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Col. IngersoII's Views Altered.
From the Baltimore Amerioan.

ITVI71 NC 0U11F7710Fe tCU7Fs
A story credited to Bob lngersoll comes from
Washington. 1t was brought to Baltimore
Charities there last week. The genial inidel,
SO the account runs, vas talking to batch Of
delegates, among them several Mary ianders,
in a social gathering. He said that he never
took much stock IN Creator or creation.
But" said he, recently have seen one
thing which strongly inclines me to change
my opinion. 1 mean the oyster. You are
surprised? Perhaps you are; but just sup
pose that Providence had put legs on the oys-
ter! Imagine the result! Why, two thirds
of the Eastern shOremen would starve to
death " A suit for SANDER and libel against
Col, Ingersoll, with the Eastern shore lOf
Marylandl as plaintiff. will now be in order.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
A Bourbon RerublIcan view.

1t Is time even for muewumDs to drop the
claim that the Cleveland administration is
anything else than vigorously partisan,
strictly Democratic, and thoroughly devoted
to the spoil5. Even the campaign phrases
which delighted the gentle mugwumps few
months ago are found to be strictly JacksOnian
when Du. to the test, and in view of the
practice of the administration 1t is time to
drop all nonsense as TO its pretensions.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
INDBE TO new ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEErISGs-st. John the Baptist T. A. B.
Society.
STEAMSHIP SCHEDULE General Transit
lantie Company.
BASE BALL-Co. B, S. V. G., vs.. Chatham
Artillery.
EXCURSION TO BRUNswICK-Via Savannah,
Florida and Western and E. T., Va. Ga.
Railways.
wANTs-some One to Adopt Girl Baby; a
Clerk.
FoR sALE-A Small House; Steamer Alice
CLARK.
CLOTHING FOR EyERYBoDY-Chas. Logan
& Co.
York.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Congressman sIorrison's influence.

1t is said that every person recommended
for appointment by your Uncle Morrison has
been appointed. The President started out
with implicit confidence in Morrison's honesty
and sound judgment, and thus far he has
made no reduction, horizontal or otherwise,
IN his estimates of tie man. Your Uncle
Morrison is easily the king bee in the great
Democratic party of Illinois.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS: SATURDAY, JUNE p, 1885

hide as an instrument Of punishment. 1t
is said that the whipping post belongs to
the age of barbarism. That may be true;
but, then, wife-beating is a barbarous
crime, which ought to be punished by
barbarous methods. There are very few
kinds of punishment that are too severe
for wife-beaters.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Two Kinds of Reduction.
Lonlspllle Courler-Jonrnal fpen }

Loul50lIbe C0urier- Journal tDen.)
The Republicans have reduced the tariff by
violating the tariff laws. The Democrats in :
tend to proceed differently. If the country
can stand an illegal reduction it can certainly
stand legal one. Rigidly enforcing the laws
as they exist, the Democrats propose to sim
pity them and lower the rates of duty. The
Republican plan of reduction may be better
one, but the Democrats prefer at least to give
their own a fair trial.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Mlomru 10 Annn.

MONEY TO LOAN.-If You are IN need ~
4A money, and want liberal loan on al
most any thing Of value, and il you don't want
TO be seen BY your friends when you get it, or
nave remarks made that you are in need Of
money by crowds of people promenadipg and
passing the pawnshop and watching you when
you go In or out, then call at the old reliable
Private Pawnbroker House, 1877 Congress
street, where very few people pass. and no
body viii know your business. b. MTTHT
BERG, Manager
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

THE SAVANNAH MORNING NEws-EN-
LARGED TO EIGHT PAGES, SO COLUMNS,
AND ISSUED SEVEN DAYS IN THE WEEK
WILL BE sKNT FOR ANIMATION, ONE
MONTH, on RECEIPT OF 81, OR THREE
MONTHS FOR So 30.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
CURRENT COMMENT.
From Hallucination to Mania.
Kegsbe{TJs T,fos, fDo,,,

Blaine, 1t is now said, would rather be the
gladstone OF this country than the President
The hallucinatiOn he recently held that the
people wanted him to be the Chief Executive
seems to have changed TO graspIng mania to
get anything within his reach.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

Sixty years ago the people of North
Bridgewater, Mass, resolved that the Sc
lectmeu should post up the names of per
sons who drank too much spirits. Such
plan to make drunkenness odious, if
adopted in some places, would make
some lively shooting sensations for the
neWspaDers
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

Flanagan. Of Flanagan's Mills, Texas,
complains that he was dismissed from
office without any cause being assigned.
Flanagan appears to have forgotten what
he tsTas there forD
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

1t is stated that the electric motors will
be ready for service on one of the New
York elevated railroad hnes within 90
days, and those who then speak of trains
moving at lightning speed will have the
consolation of knowing that they are not
ridiculous exaggerators.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27
Appreciated on Account of Its Source.
From fhe Van York SIN

Mr.; J.. II. Estill, proprietor OF the savan-
nan MORNING NEWS, has erected in Laurel
Grove Cemetery at Savannah a handsome
monum mt to the late Col. William Il.
thompson, who founded that journal and
conducted 1t for 90 years.
The MORNING NEWS is one Of the alb lest and
best papers in all tue Southern States.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

CHEAPEST VARIETY STORE, also JOG.
~ and &c. goods in great variety. Don't fail
to attend our bargain sales Oil Stoves. lee
coolers and Ice Cream Churns, which we will
sell at astonishing low figures. At NATHAN
BROS, 1856 Congress, near Jefferson.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-27

The astonishing news comes IRON Mis-
souri, that Clay county, the home of the
''James boys" is the model county of the
State. No whisky has been sold there for
ten years, and court met and Immediately
adjourned the other day, there not being
a case Of any kind on the docket for trial.