The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-10
THE MERRY SIDE!


State Auditor Kiesewetter is bound over.
The Daily Globe, Washington, G. H, will
never turn on its axis again.
s+s
A quarrel between two Kentuckians never
lasts long. But the funeral is well attended.
"Coshocton is going for gas! Oh, it is, is it :?
Well. it had better go for wiping out its Demo-
cratic majority.
The Lord balances all things. Who knows
but the Salvation Army was created to off set
the Skating Kinks.
A thoughtless man few days ago attmepted
to fill up tramp-and brought his own family
on the township.
Why don't Cincinnatians get Dan. Dalton
blackboard to make his abstracts Oh. Eras-
ures would be easier.
A Kansas householder failed last week. He
was not overtaken by adversely, but by the
owner of the horse
The Poles in Michigan settle their church
quarrels effectually. They get clubs and beat
one another to death.
The cold weather has accomplished one good
thing. 1t has driven all the match games Of
baseball to New Orleans.
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They accused John L. Sullivan of being mar
ried last week. He "rejoices to say it is not
true" So does the woman.
The Mayor and Wharfmaster, of Louisville,
had street fight. His Honor was knocked
down-in the case of each.
Cincinnati policeman fell down cellar in
Bucktown, and hurt himself Funny place to
sleep, anyhow, on cellar-door.
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A West Virginia robber lit out on the railroad,
and an officer pursued him on an engine. The
officer never once lost his track.
An Ironton paper says English sparrows are
good eating now" All right! Don't be BASH
full, just eat all you want of them.
The experience in Cincinnati proves that the
only way to stop Democratic frauds is to tie
down the hands of Democratic officials.
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4 'one-legged roller-skater'' is advertised.
That wouldn't be SO remarkable. We've seen
man skate with both legs off the floor.
~
Findlay is big sensation, on account of her
great natural gas wells. But what will Findlay
do when those old stink-holes give out?
Lady clerks are objectionable to great many
Legislators because the ladies cannot keep up
the dignity of the position. They can't smoke
and chew tobacco.
The President did not go to the Hendricks fu-
neral because it was not best to risk the perils
of travel. He had read of the fate of Jumbo.
man named Gardner, at Jeffersonville, In
diana, drank whisky all day, then laid down on
the bottom Of the river and drank water all
night.
Hearing report that bullion team had been
attacked by Indians in the Far West, an old
lady innocently inquired "An' did they kill
the bulls p?
Gen. Shaler, of the New York militia, has
been arrested for crookedness in official affairs.
We thought his epaulettes and cooked hat were
a little too gaudy.
Ga1lipolis is wild over Gymnasium. Itmust
I be fun to see Vance ''skinning cat," while
Nash stands upon his head and dances paper
barrel upon his feet
Cincinnati parties are engaged in contesting
the election by which Prohibition was carried
at Atlanta. Cincinnati can't bear to see a man
A Lawrence county minister says he has bap-
tized eight hundred persons. and never took
cold. That man deserves nice, dry, warm
place in the next world.
London has seventy-eight miles of saloons.
Were they in an American city, many an old
topper would walk himself to death trying to
| get around them all in one day.
How the poor Insurance Companies do suffer
There was King Alfonso's life insured for six
| hundred thousand dollars, when he was not
worth fifteen cents to anybody.
| An Ohio woman, with the aid of three dogs,
( searched the house through and through for a
| supposed skunk, before she learned THAT her
husband had just purchased new medicated
| undershirt.
Haven't the editorsot the Portsmouth Times
and Tribune told about all they know about
each other? What's the use, gentlemen, in
| trying 10 make the public believe you are
worse than you are?
When great man dies in this country, the
public is greeted for the next two or three weeks
with sketches and "reminiscences concerning
They are not published while he lives, because
him he would say they were not true.
+..
A colored woman in Gallipolis was married
on Thanksgiving Day, and on Saturday pre-
scented her husband with a wedding present of
| three babies. Three babies in two days is fast
even for Gallipolis.
"The couple were pronounced man and wife,"
| read Simpkins, in the wedding announcement.
"That means, s'pose that the woman got mar
ried and the man didn't. Nothing said about a
| husband"
Many a farmer has been led to wonder what
town cows are fed on, as he seriously and SOL
emnly contemplates two or three of them
mounted upon his wagon, making a lunch off
his blankets and sacks.
| The Columbus Dispatch wants John g.
Thompson to explain statement that he "eats
his meals standing up" in his far western home.
If the Dispatch man had been kicked as often
as John g., he wouldn't be SO inquisitive.
Eleven divorces have been granted to mem
bers of the Smith family, near Richmond, Ind.
At the next marriage in that family they should
sing the good old hymn: ''I would not live al
ways, I ask not to stay.'
congressman Joseph hanRln is IN dying
condition, yet insists ON taking his seat. That
| a man on his death-bed should be anxious to
| become a member of Democratic House,
shows lamentable disregard of the future
Rev. Henry D. Moore, of Cincinnati, was sus-
| pended by Masonic Grand Lodge, for non
| traternal conduct. If he looks anything like
| the portrait" published, he ought to be sus-
pended on general principles.
| James Wilkinson, of Onanonk, Va, got mar
ried, and when q mob belled him, wouldn't
| come out. They were bound to fetch him, and
| shot through the windows. Then Jim came
| and dumped load of buckshot into the crowd.
| Those that were not killed or wounded are run