The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1885-03-19
Brewster and Ills Clothes

Brewster and Ills Clothes
Did you notice in the dispatches
the figure cut In Washington on
Saturday by the bizarre Brewster
| friiled shirts, white plush hat. bluff
vests and all that sort of thing"
We'll, Brewster was always il
dandy"
And nothing in his career SO
becomes him as the clothes OF it..
Cleveland will pull down his vest
Business Booming.
Minks: "Ah, Winks: / hear you
have left your last situation"
Winks: Yes: / am going to start
a roller rink"
| Minks: But my. dear boy, just
think OF the capital required. Kinks
cant be got for nothing.
I've got one. though. Not Il cent
to BE- charged for rent. either"
Good gracious! Why, who owns
the buiIding?'
An arnica man. Phila Call.
Saving Souls in Iowa.
"Have you got any dynamitc?'
| NO, sir; We don't keep it. None
uf the regular stores in Chicago do.
What did you want it for?'
Business
"Well, we haven't got any. What
kind Of business do you want it for?'
"Church business
"What?"
Church business You see, there's
big rivalry between two denOmina-
tions in my ncighborhood in the
business Of saving souls. The one
belong to is getting left. Tie other
fellows have got the bulge on Us. and
We held il church council last week
and decided to blow up their concern
with dynamite some dark night
Where do you live, anyway"
oh. out in Iowa.
Knew Where They Were.
"Say, Mr.. Editor remarked man
who arrived 1t the top Of the stairs
in bleathless condition, there's
been good many Iunatics escaped
from these burning asylums lately,
ain't they?s
Yes. several.
~Hain.t caught EN- all yet, have
they?'
Believe not
Say, I'll give you Il chance fur u
big scoop. l know where those
escaped lunaticS ale.'
You do?'
Yes. They're down in New
Orleans running this kinys Rex
Momus kIcwe business
Civil Service.
Civil-Service Examining Rooms:
Examiner docking over John
Smiths papers,: This man has
matle Il bad botch of this mathemati-
cal question
Principal Examiner: What is the
question:
Examiner (rtaaing): If l owe
William Jones S65, and promise to
pay five dollars per month, how
much will owe him ut the end OF a
/ year?'
Prin. Ex.: well, what did he ain
swcr?"
Ex.: He has it S65.
prin. En-. That man is Il natural
born Government clerk; already has
their trails. Mark him 100. Wash
ington Hatchet.
Public Entertainment.
Spencer BrOderick,a San Antonio
gentleman, while under the influence
OF liquor, held on to Il !amp-post,
unable to 20 any further He was
soon surrounded by quite crowd,
who amused themselves by laugh
ing at him.
Il am going to arrest that man."
said Policeman Fitzhenry.
.iou ought not to arrest him He
il only amusing the crowd. He is not
disorderly. He is creating no dis
turbancc,.' said Sam Bennett, Il friend
OF the inebriate.
HE is violating a city ordinance
retorted Titzhenry.
(which one?"
He is giving public entertain
ment without having first taken out
a license. You said yourself that he
was amusing the crowd, and that's
entertaining the public. or giving
q public entertainment, just rs you
please to take it"
The Coming Vanderbilt.
| Johnny Fizzletop, of Galveston, is
going to be the Vanderbilt OF Texas
when he grows up. He is no. very
industrious 1T school. but he has got
1 wonderful head for business.
Having obtained private interview
with his teacher, Johnny asked
AMI going to get certificate
that have been an industrious boy
during the past week?'
No Johnny, | am afraid not. You
do not deserve any
"Come let us reason about this
matter. My father has promised me
five dollars il / bring home good
certilcatc. Now don't you see there
Is money in that for both of us
Don't you see that our interests ar.
mutual. You give me the certificate
and you will fondle Il dollar right OF.
I'll give you twenty per cent, Or one
fifth Of what get"