The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-19
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Brother Gardner Delivers o. Forcibie Lecture
on MatrimOny.

Brother Gardner Delivers Forcible Lecture
Matrimony.
Detroit Free Press.
81 should like to spoke few remarks to Brud-
der Side Bar Skinner" observed the president,
as the dust began to settle in Paradise Hall
Brother Skinner who is young man of
twenty three with mild eye and lilac necktie,
advanced to the front, and the president con-
tinued:
"Brudder Skinner, de news has reached nv
dat you about to be mard. | trus' dat
de report am true, bekase / beliebe it am de
dooty of every young man who kin support a
wife to take one"
SIT am true, sah."
"Den let me compliment you wild one hand an
spoke few remarks to you wild de odder. Git
tin mard has its very serious side. Fur in
stance, am de gal gwine to marry you becaSe she
loves you, or to spite her folks bekase dey kept
her away from de skatin' rink? Am 70 gwine to
marry de girl fur love, or bekase her father has
some wealth which you hope he'll shell out fur
your benefit!
Love am powerful emoshun, Brudder Skin
ner, but love widout pork and 'taters to keep it
goin' am like de froth on top of soda water
Don't mistake your sentiments. If you am
sartln dat you love, go ahead. If it am only
lollypop, hire out as deck hand on steamboat
fur week an it will all 60 away. hev known
couples ez seem to be dyin' of love. Der silly
ackshun made UNI de latin stock of hull nay
burhood. Dey seemed to dote an dote, but it
didn't last After couple of Vars de husband
war home grumbler and tyrant, an de wife q
gadabout an a scold. What dey s'posed was
love was only lollypop.
"Doan marry gal hopin' dat her father will
set you up in de barber bizness. Most fadern-
laws not only want all dey hez got, but am willin'
to struggle for another $40, 900.
'Doan' sot down and fgger dat TO taters, q
loaf of bread. half pound of meat an quart
OF applesass am goin' to run you fur week.
You will want all de salary you can airn. an
you had better look aroun an find somebody who
will lend you dollar now an then.
"Doan fatter yerselves dat all we hev got to
do am to hug IL de house an kiss ODER de gate
You'll be hungry fur con beef an baked beans;
your cloze will war out; your flour and butter
will waste away, an bill fur two months rent
will send chill up yer back. De man or woman
who specks dat mard life am a green an shady
ten-dollar bills Oh de odder, am gwine to wake
up some day an find do rats leayin' de place in
disgust.
think of desc tings, Brudder Skinner You
ken get wife in about five minutes. but it takes
five vars to git shet Of one of EN-. Expeck about
one days sun fur a week Of cloudy weather
Reckon on house-rent comm due de fust Of
every month, an de grocer an butcher keepin'
an eye out fur you each Saturday night. It will
amaze you how de woodpile decides an how de
-four gifts outen de barl so soon. Doan' walk
into matrimony like lobster into a box, but
fgger on whether de bait am with de risks If
you conclude to mary, you kin depend on dis
club attendin de obsequies IN body, bringin'
along bounteous supply of ham sandwiches. If
you decide not to, 1t am probable dat you will
soon be promoted TO some posishun Of trus' an
responsibility"