Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-08-19

YnUltUIn in parvO. 1t Is & sermon. a song, a
circus, an obituary, picnic, shlpwreck,
a symphony in solid BREWER, a, medley OF
life and death, grand aggregation of mans
glory and his shame. 1t is, IN short,
bird SIEVE view Of all the magnanimity and
meanness, the joys and griefs, the births and
deaths, the pride and poverty OF the world,
and all for cents-sOmetlmeS. could tell
YOU some more things that the newspaper
of to-day is if you had time to stay here,
and your business would not suffer IN your
absence. Among others, it is long-felt
want, nine-column paper in hve-column
town, q living Sheet a feeble effort, a imam
cial problem, q tOtterfng wreck, polltlcal
tool aad a sheriff's sale.
If were to suggest a curriculum for the
young man who wished to take q regular
course in q school OF journalism, preferrlng
that to the actual experience, would say
to him, devote the first two years to medl-
tation and prayer. This will prepare the
young editor for the surprise and conse-
quent temptation to profanity, which IN a
few years he may experience when he finds
that the name Of the Deity in his double
loaded editorial is spelled with a little g,
and the perOratiOn OF the article Is Locked
up between death notice and the adver-
tiSement OF a patent mustache coa1er,
which is to follow pure reading matter
every day in the week and occupy top OF
years should be devoted to the peculiar
photography of the English language.
Then put in three years with the dumb
bells, sand bags, slung-shots and tOma-
hawk. In my own journalistic experience
| have found more cause for regret over my
neglect of this branch than anything else. L
usually keep on my desk, during q heated
campaign, a large paper-weight weighing
three or four pounds, and in several in
stances have found that | could feed that
to a constant reader OF my valuable paper
instead of a retractiOn. Fewer people lick
the editor though now than did so IN years
gone by. Many people-in the last two
years-have gone across the street to lick
the editor and never returned. They in
tended to come right back in few mo-
ments, but they are now in land where
change of heart and a paln-leaf fan Is I'LL
they need. Fewer people are robbng the
editor nowadays, too, | notice with much
pleasure. Only short time ago | noticed
that burglar succeeded in breaking into
the residence of a Dakota journalist, AND
after long, hard struggle, the editor sue
ceeded in rObbing him.
After the primary course, mapped out al
ready, an intermediate course OF ten years
should be given to learning the typograp-
ical art so that when visitors come IN and
ask the editor all about the office, he can
tell them of the mysteries OF making pa
per, and how delinquent subscribers have
frequently been killed by a well-directed
blow with q printers towel. Five years
should be devoted to study OF the art OF
proof-reading. In that length OF time the
young journalist can perfect himself to such
a degree that it will take another I'VE years
for the printer to understand his COrrec-
tions and marginal notes. Fifteen years
should then be devoted to the study of
American politics, especially civil service re-
form, looking at it from a nOn-partisan
standpoint. If possible, the last five years
| should be spent abroad. London is the
| place to 20 if you wish to get clean, con-
else view of American politics, and Chicago
and Milwaukee would be good place for
| the young journalist to go and study the
political outlook in England. The student
should then take a medical and surgical
course, so that he may be able to attend to
| Commissions, fractures and forth which
| may occur to himself or the party who
comes to his office for a retractiCn and by
a mistake gets his spinal column double
! loaded.
| Ten years should then be given to the
| study of law. No thorough, metropolitan
| editor wants to enter upon the duties OF his
! profession without knowing the difference
! between a writ Of nlandamuS and other
! styles of profanity. He should thoroughly
! understand the entire system of American
/
should break out in his neighborhood he
would know just what to do for it. The
student will, by this time, begin to see what
| is required of him and enter with great zeal
upon the further study of his profession.
| He will now enter upon theological course
of ten years and fit himself thoroughly to
| speak intelligently of the various creeds and
religions of the world. Ignorance on the
| part OF an editor is almost, q crime, and
when he closes powerful editorial with the
familiar quotation, cit is the early bird
! that gets the worm" and attributes it to
ST. Paul instead of to Deuteronomy, it
makes me blush for the profession.
The last ten years may be proftably de.
voted to the acquisition of a practical
knowledge Of cutting cordwood, baking
beams making shirts, lecturing turning
double hand-springs, being shot out Of a
| catapult at d circus, learning how to make
good adhesive paste that will not sour in
hot weather, grinding scissors, punctuation
| capital ization, condemnation, syntax
plain sewing, music and dancing sculping
! etiquette, prosody, how to win the affec
tions of the opposite sex and evade NAL
hgnant case OF breach Of promise, the ten
| commandments, every man his own tutor
on the flute, croquet, rules of the prize ring
rhetoric, parlor magic, calisthenics, pen
manship, how to turn Jack from the bot
tom of the pack without getting shot, civil
| engineering, decorative art, calsomining
bicycling, baseball, hydraulics, botany
poker, international law, high-low-Jack
drawing and painting, faro, vocal music
driving breaking team, ffteen-baD pool
how to remove grease spots from last year
pantaloons, craftsmanship, coupling freight
cars, riding on a rail, riding on pass, feed
ing threshing machine, how to wean a cal
from the parent stem, teaching school, bull
whacking, plastering, Waiting, vaccination
| autopsy, how to win the affections of you1
wife's mother, every man his own washer
woman, or how to wash underclothes sc
that they will not shrink, etc, ETC.. etc.
But time forbids anythinglike thorough
list of what a young man should study in
order TO fully understand all that he may
be called upon to express an opinion about
in his actual experience as a journalist
| There are thousand little matters which
every editor should know, such, for in
stance, as the construction Of roller compo
sition. Many newspaper men can write 8
good editorial on Asiatic cholera, but THEN
roller composition is not fit to eat. With
the course of study thai | have mapped
out, the young student would emerge from
the college Of journalism at the age of 50 OF
| 90, ready to take off his coat and write al
article on almost any subject. He would
be little giddy at first, and the office boy
would have to see that he went to bed at 6