The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1885-05-06
RAILWAY ETIQUErTE.
Finely and Important Rules Of Conduct
for the Benefit Of Those Who DON'T
Know How TO Behave Them.
selves In n Sleeper or Din
ing Car.



Many people have travelled all their lives
aud yet do not know how to behave them
selves when on the road For the benefit
and guidance Of such, these few, crisp,
plain, horse sense rules Of etiquette have
been framed.
In travelling by rail, on foot, turn to the
right on discovering an approaching train
If you wish the train to turn out, give two
loud toots and get in between the rails so
that you will not muss up the right Of way.
Many a nice, new right Of way has been
ruined by getting a pedestrian tourist spat-
| tered all over its first mortgage.
On retiring at night on board the train,
do not leave your teeth in the ice water
tank. If every one should do 30, il would
occasion great confusion in case Of wreck.
It would also cause much annoyance and
delay during the resurrection. Expert
enced tourists tie a string to their teeth aud
retain them during the night.
If you have been reared in extreme pow
erty and your mother supported you until
you grew up and married so that your wife
could support you, you will probably set in
four seats at the same time, with your feet
extended into the aisles so that you can
wipe them off on other people while you
snore with your mouth open, clear to your
shoulder blades.
If you are prone to drop to sleep aud
breathe with low, death rattle, like the
exhaust of a bath tub, it would be a good
plan to tie up your head in a feather bed
and then insert the whole thing in the linen
closet, or if you cannot secure that, you
might stick it out of the window and get it
knocked off against tunnel. The stock
holders Of the road might get mad about it
but you could do it in such a way that they
wouldn't know whose head it was.
Ladies and gentlemen should guard
against travelling by rail while in beastly
state of intoxication.
In the dining car, while eating, do rot
comb your moustache with your fork. By
all means do not comb your moustache
with the fork of another. 1t is better to
refrain altogether from oombing the NOUS
taehe with a fork while travelling, for the
motion of the train might jab the fork into
your eye and irritate it.
If your dessert is ve~y hot and you do
not discover it until you have burned the
rafters out of the roof of your mouth, do
not utter a wild yell of agony and spill
your coffee all over an utter stranger, but
control yourself, hoping to know more next
time.
In the morning is a good time to find out
how many people have succeeded in get
ting on the passenger train who ought to
be in the stock car
Generally you will find one male and one
female. The male goes into the wash room,
bathes his worthless carcass from daylight
until breakfast time, walking on the feet Of
any man who tries to wash his face during
that time. He wipes himself on nine diff
ferent towels, because when he gets home
he will have to wipe his face on an old
door mat. People who have been reared on
hay alltheir lives, general want to fill them
selves full of pie and collie when they travel
The female of this same mammal goes
into the ladies' department and remains
there until starvation drives her out. Then
the real ladies have about thirteen seconds
apiece in which to dress.
If you never rode in a vanished car be-
fore, and never expect to again, you will
probably roam up and down the car, mean.
dering over the feet Of the porter while he
is making up the berths. This is a good
way to let people see just how little sense
you had left after your brain began to sof.
ten.
In travelling, do not take along a lot Of
old clothes that you know You will never
wear.
Never walk through a car staring every.
body out of countenance, like a jim Grow
detective hunting for the James boys, bu.
mind your own business, be quiet, polit,
and patient, and SEE THAT YOUR T1oKE1
TAKES YOU OVER THE GREAT Rock ISLAM
. ROUTE, Then you will feel as though yol
were among friends ALL THE TIME, and yoJ
! will leave the train with pang Of geuuin,
regret.