The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-03-13
VOL. XXX---NO. IL.
VARIETIES.

"A handsome thing in shaws-pretty
girls.
The woman who does fancy work very
often don't fancy work at other times.
What man wants-All he can get.
What woman wants-All she can't get.
-"Love your neighbor as myself" but if
it is his wife, be sure that he is smaller man
than you.
"A sociable man is one who, when he has
ten minutes to spare, goes and bothers some
body else who hasn't.
"A flannel cloth wet with coal oil, and ap.
piled at night to the throat and over tile
lungs, will invariably break up the worst
cold and cough, if taken in time, and few
days care will complete the cure.
L. W. Roys, an Austin banker, met Ike
Finch on the avenue. II thought you were
going to San Antonio" remarked Finch. 80
| was, but the train went off right before my
eyes" "You could have remedied that if
you had tried" "Why, how could | have
prevented the train from going off before my
eyes?" "By turning your back, stupid"
"A legislator representing Galveston in
the Texas Legislature, hired colored man to
wait on him. II want you to be reliable and
always on hand" said the Island City solon,
"Yes, sah." "You must be neat and polite"
"Yes, sah.' don't mind man taking a
drink now and then, as I do that myself"
Eyes, sab, knowed dat jess as soon as laid
my eyes on you"
Professor (sarcastically, to inattentive
pupil: "Mr. X, one question more: When
was the so-caled missing link discovered ?"
Student (dreamily): "Must have been when
the father addressed his impairment son as
you little monkey" Professor Grritatcd at
the laughter in the CLASSY :-"Tn what epoch
did this wonderful revelation happen ?" Stu
dent 81 think at the time of the sauce age,
SIR"
-"There, my daughter" said the old man,
placing deed for beautiful mansion among
the wedding gifts, sis my present. and my
best wishes for your future happiness go with
it. God bless you, my child God bless your
and he turned away, choked with emotion.
us there mortgage on it, papa?'" she sked
brightly, as she arranged the deed conspicu-
ously on the table. mo" he said, "thtre is
no mortgage on the deed it's on the proper.
ty."
"A Galveston mendicant was in the habit
ofcalling at the office of q local lawyer and
receiving small sam on account of former
acquaintance. Last week the mendicant
called as usual but the lawyer said:
81 can't assist you any longer as I've got
wife now, and need all the money can lay
my hands on"
"Well now, that's just coming it a little 100
strong Here you actually go and get mar
ried at my expense"
Grocer to his shopman: PEDRO, owe
about three thousand francs" Eyes, sir
81 have two thousand francs in the safe, but
the shop is empty; think it is the right mo-
ment to fail" "That's just what think"
"But ! want a plausible pretext for my credi-
tors. You have plenty ofbrains; think the mat
Ter over tonight and tomorrow morning"
The clerk promised to think it carefully over
On entering the shop the next morning, the
grocer found the safe open, the money gone
and in its place note, which ran as follows
II have taken the two thousand francs and
am off for America. 1t is the best excuse
you can give toyour creditors"
The force of habis. -She-"John Henry,
can it be possible that you are going out
again to-night?"
He-"Only a little run down to the club,
my dear"
1--WE have not been married month, and
yet every evening for week you have jump
ed up precisely at eight o'clock and left the
house."
II know, my love. It's habit, you see, that's
all. always left my room every evening at
eight o'clock before we were married, to 60
and see you, and you know habits are very
hard to break"
But you never get in until after mid
night"
Eyes, my dear habit again, you know ]
never used to leave you until midnight"