The Rock Island Argus., 1885-07-03
The BAl-FFLED PLOTTER
ooNSFiRlNG AGAINST BROTHER GARD.
NeR, OF THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
A sand-Club Suspended Over the Haaa.
Oh the Base Trio of Malconten.s-
The Tragedy Enacted on
the Landing.



The excitement which has rrovo;,.s
among certain of the older memhars ~ tb.
e.ao s. came TO climax Saturday evening.
"ha' occasioned the excitement was kent a
profound secret among a dozen but it may
oe stated here that the rumpus was kicked
up by Professor Sunfiower Smyth, local
eieinoer with harelip and toes turning in.
ror some weeks past the professor has
hankered for an official position, and failing
10 secure recognition of his merits. he or.
ganlzed conspiracy to dethrone Brotbe,
dardner By circulating many false state.
ments, and by forging the names of several
Individuals to false documents. he enIistad
the sympathies of Elder Antimony Swift
beacon Cohort Davis and Judge Cut OF.
kemperberiy. He approached Huckleberry
Ihomklns with the plan, and even went 80
far as to offer him new 5O-cent door-mat
10 JON the conspiracy, but Brother Thomp
kins was true blue and gave the whole az
fair away.
When the meeting was called to order the
three conspirators were in their seats. an.
urely unsuspicious OF the sand-club which
was hanging over their heads, while the
president, Sir Isaac Walpole, Waydown Be-
pee ana Others in the ring, carried very Sc.
rlous countenances The plot OF the con.
sp'rators was not fully ripe. Professor
Smyth was just settling himself down te
sound Elder Toots in the matter, wher
brother Gardner rosaeIp and said:
Envy am de parent of half de wicked nes.
IN dis world One of de fust principles Of
human natur' am to begrudge some oddel
pussons good luck, but de mint common
sense am called in fur consultation dis envy
diSappears-except in isolated cases.
We envy de rich, while its praps our owl
fault entirely dat we am not classed among
EN-.
We envy talent, an yet we am foced t.
ackn9wledge to ourselves dat we frew away
our opportunities.
Find me man who am down on his fel
bowman on gineral principles an rll show
ye chap who orter be in state prison by d,
same rule
DE Lawd put us heah for each to make
ais own way. De field am world wide, vic
p.enty of room fur all. II one, by his AT
piicashun, perseverance,, integrity an de
termination, towers above de one who wait,
fur luck an feeds his soul on envy, any con
spiracy to pull him down should be sot dow
ON by all good men. Bruder Smyth, Swift
an Davis, | should like to see de three O
you at de foot of de staircase Dar' am ,
leetle matter dat ] wish to discuss il
private
The trio of conspirators were evidentl,
greatly surprised at the request, but sus
pectal nothing and followed the presiden
down stairs As no one else was permitteC
to follow, it may never bo known what hap
pened on the landing. What the meetin,
heard may, however, throw some genera
light upon the subject
l. Yells of terror
2. Sounds of heels striking the walls.
J. Sounds Of cloth being ripped and torn
and boot-heels striking the fence on tn
other side of the alley.
4. Bump-kerchunk-thu silence
s. The echoes of the toe Of No. l3 boo
| striking against coat-tails,
Soon after these last mentioned sound
| had died away Brother Gardner entered tn
| room with a sweet smile on his face, an
walked straight to his seat without a word
| There was blood ON his left ear, the polls
was worn off his right boot, and one end O
| his collar was unbuttoned, but this Nigh
have happened TO any man who had falle
| down stairs
"Misser president, shall l cross de thre;
names off de book!' asked the secretary.
@De char reckons you may was the an
| swer, "an' We will now take up de reg'la
| bill % fare"