The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-10-09
VARIETIES.

-"Robbie," said the visitor, have you any
little brothers and sisters?" NO." replied
wee Robbie; Pm all the children we've got"
An exchange has an article on the "fu-
neral of the future" We have often heard
of the dead past" but we supposed the
future was yet alive.
That's a beefsteak joke" remarked one
of the boarders at breakfast. "What kind of
jokes that ?" asked the man across the ia
bic. TOO tough to be pleasant"
Mr.. Smiley-"But let me carry the poodle
my dear, and you can carry the baby" Mrs.
Smiley-"No, no you carry the baby l can
not trust you with Gyp; you might drop
him."
do you think Pm fool?" asked vio-
lent fellow of a doctor. "Really," replied the
doctor, 81 would not have made the assertion,
but now that you ask my opinion, I must say
that am not prepared to deny it,"
Judge Ito witness with bandaged eye)
ibid he have any provocation when he
struck your" Witness: "He may have had
something of the kind concealed on his per-
son, but it was brick he struck me wild"
II have here letter directed to the
prettiest woman in the house." announced
the presdentess of a womans convention.
-Four reporters on the front seat were tram.
Piled to death in the rush for the speakers
stand.
DE cowbel can't keep a secret. De bes
road to de yaller.j jacket nes' amt been dis
kivered yit. De wooden Iniun' got some
mighty strong p'ints. Ripe apples make de
tree look taller, De red rose don't brag in
the dark.
"A libel on lovely woman "Smith, did
you see my wife go down this street ?""Yes,
she passed about an hour ago." "Wonder
what my chances are for overtaking her 7"
"(1oo6 The cidawally 10 inot l;nad ,,,;t l. allow,
windows"
when marry" said budding school.
girl, "Ill want a tall, fne-looking man."
There's where you are wrong, sis, said her
more practical sister. you'll have less
trouble watching an ugly man, and enjoy
more of his company"
Asking too much-A man applied at a
house in San Antonio for aid "You should
go to work and earn living" was the re.
ply. go to work! Isn't it bad enough that
am so poor that have to beg, and here you
come and want me to work beside?"
Where are you going, Johnny? Don't
you see how it is rainng?" "Yes'm. I'm
going in swimming" "Gong in swimming?
Why, you foolish boy, you'll get yourself
Wrlnging wet if you go in swimming in such
shower as this Wait till the rain is over"
"A young countryman had bulldog
puppy which he thought highly of. One day
he was teaching it to "hold on" when it seiz.
ed his father by the nose and held on with
vengeance. Beer it, father, beer it," cried
the young rustic, "'twill be the making O. the
pup"
"A Frenchman who had purchased a
country seat was complaining of the want of
birds in his garden. set some traps" re-
piled an old officer land they'll come Twas
once in Africa and there wasn't supposed to
be a woman within two hundred miles. |
hung pair of earrings and bracelet upon
tree, and the next morning l found two
women under the branches"
Two drummers were disputing very
holly one night in a smoking-car. One in
sisted that leather" and "neither" were cor
rect, while the other stoutly maintained that
only dudes and Anglomaniacs would so pro-
nouncc the words, and that "ether" and
"neither" were the proper RECOMMENDATIONS.
Finally they agreed to leave it to the man in
the next seat. They woke him up and stated
the case. Now, then, which is right" asked
one of the drummers, "neither or neither ?"
"Nayther," responded the Irishman, and set
tied back to sleep, while the rest of the car
accepted an invitation to take something out
of the drummers' TASKS.