The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1885-07-20
AN UNAMBlTIoUS CYNIC.

EDITOR BULLETIN IL feel ready
TO burst. The two days waiting
since l announced my inclination
and intention to blow off steam has
been almost unendurable.. The
very announcement, since l saw it
in print, has been like great blaz-
ing fire, generating steam at
dangerously rapid rate. If l could
have found an old stump of tree
last night, / would have perched
myself on top of it, and shouted so
that you could have heard me all
the way to Diamond Head. Now
that the opportunity for letting out
steam has arrived l feel so exhausted
by the gigantic exertions to keep it
in until proper time that am unable
to operate the safetyvalve efficiently.
That is, am hardly fit for action"
and past the stage of waiting for
action"
Indeed, it is quite clear that
neither of those gentlemen-"Ac-
ton" and "Waiting for Action
considers me Il fit and proper person
to be entrusted with a ministerial
portfolio, or my obscure name would
have appeared on one or other of
those honorable lists. l don't know
what to think about it. l believe it
to be downright intentional insult.
Well, if they ignore me and my
claims / don't see why l should
ignore myself. l confess to be with
out brains, ability, and experience.
But what of that? These deticien-
cies are no barrier to the attainment
of the highest positions in this de-
mocratic kingdom. IYould like to
be in the Cabinet. l don't care
much for the honor and less for the
duties, but 1 should be delighted to
get hold of the salary for couple
of years. A written guarantee that
nothing would be required of me but
drawing pay would be an irresst-
ible inducement to declare myself
"willin' " right away.
AS to the duties of office 1 only
half believe that l might rub
through. Everybody says that the
work of a cabinet Minister in this
country is as easy as rolling from a
log. But l detect weak spot in
everybody's testimony, in the fact
that everybody has not yet had
practical experience. The new
chum thinks it an easy thing to
follow plough, or WELD an axe, or
navigate a wagon. Yet have often
noticed that when new chum gets
hold of the plough tail, or is placed
with an axe in his hand beside a six
foot tree, or is given in charge of
the steering gear behind pair of
horses, he cuts an awkward figure
and makes mess of the whole bust
ness. L suspect Everybody" would
shape about the same in the work of
government. Never mind, 1 feel as
if 5000 year and few odd pick
ings will enable me to overcome my
present misgivings on this score
when the proper time arrives, and
the unanimous, or rather mag'adai-
nous, voice of the nation calls me
to the 'front.'
Hold on! l had forgotten the
newspapers very serious matter
to overlook. This new recollection
completely reverses the course of
my inclinations. l am not bit
"willin' " now-am no longer can
didate. give up salary, pickings,
gold lace coat, knighthood, and all.
| won't have any of them-not even
by unanimous entreaty, so long as
the miserable, shallow-pated, voci-
ferrous, mountebank newspapers are
allowed to have their swing. / am
very thin-skinned, with tender flesh
underneath, and l am sure the
papers would pierce me all over
except, perhaps, the skull, the only
hard spot in my entire being. If
did badly the papers would abuse,
anathcmatise, and violently assai
me with storm of howls and Misses
If l did superlatively well the same
fate would overtake me. There is
no way of escape from these vora
cious tiends. They blaze away
indiscriminately at everything thai
comes along outside of their OWL
snug little arrangement. Some
people say this is the very bes
thing to make a man popular.
shouldn't wonder. The presen
Prime Minister furnishes a striking
example. But / am sure such treat
ment would not agree with my con
stitution; one day would break m,
all up. So / have decided, OF
second thought, to consider mysel
as others consider me-ineligible TO
cabinet purposes. Therefore ] an
now in a position, as disinterestec
party, to talk about cabinet compo
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