Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-04-02
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.l
Preparing FOR Business. john, said
\ chemist, "how lie our stock
Of lint for bandages ?" Got plenty,"l
said John. " And arnica-are vel
we'll supplied with that ?" " Yes. sir"
"Our stock of salves, lotions. and
broken bone remedies Of all sorts Is com
enough of everything" Very we'll,
them" said the proprietor, CHANGING at
the sky through the front window; "it
looks as though We might have cold,
freezing night, and YOU bad better RoI
out and wash down the steps,"
A military officer who was vain Of
| his personal appearance, and supposed
him self to be IRE sistible with theladies.
was petting small boy whose sister he
| had taken q fancy to, when tho urchin
| look cd up at him and said. "You haveI
| GOT nice room, hain't You ?" Feeling
rather fiattered, the captain replied
I" Well, yes, have very nice room
but what made you think | had ?"
"Oh I" exclaimed the boy, because
sister Susie said she liked your room
better than your company.
A gentleman said to q beggar who
had solicited aims of him: You ask |
me for small gift, and do not even
take off your hat from your head Isl
that the way to act?" The beRgar
replied: Excuse me, most honorable
sir. dare not uncover, for yonder
stands a policeman. If he should zoe
me take my hat OF 1t would occur to|
him at 0. Co that | MAS q begg8r, and
he would arrest me. At present, 81
We are nov he Delely supposts that
we are Two old scquAintances having q
friendly chat"
"My dear, said Mr.. Snigginbottom to
his wife one day at the table as he
valiantly struggled to carve piece OF
meat, "why do the butchers put these
: miserable wooden pins into the joints?
| Every time { try 10 cary OIL slice
! strike on one OF them" " l do not
know, dear. unless the meat is more
skewer that way" responded Mrs.
I Snipginbottom. maria, i think you
= had better see a physician AZ ones. i
am afraid Overwork is affecting your
mind"
A gentleman once wrote to lady
!. whom he had offended by his dilatori-
nes and who to- q long time had re'
:, fused to speak to him. His letter was
:, = earnest in supplication for forgiveness
= 1t concluded with "Ore word frool
your lips will make me happy. When
and where will you speak IL 2" Hell
. answer was: Next Wednesday, at the
J. altar I" To which he sent the following
reply 1 will be there u
This is a funny doctrine" exclaim
!; ed Brown, who had bean readir g o
a metempsychosis. 1.-THE idea of thu
human soul entering the body of al
animal AccOrdiI 8 to this doctrine
a my soul may, at some future time
n inhapit the body Of q jackass u "Ant
why not ?" asked demurely the frit M
= who was listening. 1t would certain
5, ly feel more at home there than any
n. where else
"Look here" said Fusticus, ata r
. cent concert q the 80 at you have givel
a. a. me Is Only fit for dog" Why what
20 the matter with i,?" inquired the 81
tendant; "it's one of the best seat
- In the hall" "That may be-" ga,
NJ Fusticus; but it's dogs seat for a
= that. Look at the number; that pre- v.
= TX 81"
IN An old lawyer, In examining a wi
ness who had been In the army, sale
: "Come, soldier-tell Us what you kno'
I'd of the matter" II am no soldier
n am an officer" haughtily replied th
- witness: whereupon the old lawyt
%. said calmly! "Well, then, oi1cer WI
,th is no soldier tell us what you know"
The following extraordinary adve
O. tisement appears In German newsp
rth per: Wanted, by lady of qualit
tor adeQ uste remuneration, few wei
IN. behaved and respectfully dressed Chi
rk. dren to amuse u cat In delicate heal
u two or three hours day."
70 "Papa, what do you intend to 81
oil me for q birthday present ?" asked
p young girl of her father, well-knoy
tn magistrate. "Give you," said 7
u magistrate, whose mind was evident
. on something else" give you
re give you six mounths."
. Of A Jury of PEERS A lawyer, on bel
10, sympatbized wi h by one OF jury II
had found sane party whom he h
striven to prove insane, said he requtI
no coincidence, for he WAS satisfied IL
~ his client had been tried by jury
q his peers.
own Chinese Strategy.-Artillery ofic
Of to mandarin. my lord. the Fren
'0'' ships are approaching. Mandar
I'd Fire a cannon ct them" But th
= are still 30 far off that the ball will
IN only half way" "Then fire two Q,
'om' nons at them"
Wherever your fnd many men, ,
tind many minds |" exclaimed put
speaker. "That's where you ms
It o the mistake |" responded one of
!, auditors. .If you'd only ask this Gro
rs. ont to drink you'd lind them all Of I
mind"
'AAs care your domestic relations As,
able ?" was the question put oe an
,-, happy looking specimen Of human.
"Oh, my domestic relations are
Q s,s right" Was the reply it is
wifes relations that arc causing
aot n trouble"
- "Your father is worth at least hal
million, IL he not 2" said he to his ]
ase Gus sweetheart. THAT Is true"
murmured. And yet you doubt
. | love-" he replied. in an injured ton