Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-08-22
BRIGHT BIrs.

A BAR is a place where water is scarce and
danger ar.- Waterloo Observer
IT is the heavy swell at the seashore which
catches the girls.-C iRcinnGti Merchant
Traveller.
WHY is it that barber will scratch and
rub your head TOR an hour and not touch the
one particular spot that itches?-P ttts5ur0
DisDdtch
sHE-"How can you tell mushroom from
tosdstool. dearS Heat it. If you live
it's mushroom.,if you die it's tOadstOOl."-
Melbourne Punch.
A CYNICAL BAoHELER Of another city SAYS
woman Is good deal like the accordion.
You can draw her out but she makes music
II you attempt to shut her up Yonksrs
Statesman.
"WHAT class of boarders have youP" he
asked OF the landlady while looking at the
fourth floor back? Questionable peOpe?"
Yes, indeed, she replied; "some Of the big
gest bugs IN town board with me. "-Hdrtford
Times.
THE epitaph that follows is to be found un
der the moss of 8 grayestone in Vermont:
Here lies the body Of Samuel WOodBen,
The best OF husbands and the purest of men.
N. Bills name was Woodcock, but it
wouldn't rhyme.
YOUNG housekeeper docking over the mar
ket reportsl Bridget shall want you to go
to market this morning"
Bridget-"Yis, mum. Wot'll get, mum?"
Young housekeeper-'I see that beef is
much cheaper on the hoof. and presume it's
Jutt as good. Get nice roast Off the hoof."-
Net0 York Times.
AN individual applies to the cab company
Tor situation. DO you know how TO driven
Yer, cir" ''You know that you must he 20
lite with all your p0sseng8rsW "Ah!' "And
honest. For example. what would you do 4
you sho1id a md, IN yenrcab pocket book con-
tanning $lO,0OOf" Moth NJ at all. l should
live on my income p French Paper.
A "HUMoRIsr' who marks his paragraphs.
meeting the editor Of a daily paper. said !:
say. you've cut me of your exchange list"
For the last three months have been sending
You two copies weekly of my paper.n
II know II, and that's the reason I cut you
of. By making an effort ! could stand one
copy, bat when You sent two it was more
than could bear. TrauelSr
COL. MURAr HALsTEAD's mind is not AL
ways on the war. as the following paragraph,
taken from the Commercial Gdsette testifes /:
''The touch of the late summer sunbes ms, like
that of Midas, Is turning the cornnelds into
gold" We are glad to see the feld-marshal
turn TO these gentler and more peaceful sub
jects, but, Just the same, we deem it our duty
to inform the farmers near Cincinnati that It
is not the summer sunbeams but the Chicago
bulls that they must look to TO turn their corn
fields into gold.-Chicd00 Ns10s.
PERPLExITY's state that's absolutely tir-
ing!
Suppose case: Two maids OF beauty rare,
Both ch trming, modest-brilliant, yet retir-
ing
In fact the very girls for an aspiring
Youth like me. Yet tho a deal l care
About them both, I'm hanged if I'm cOntented
To Judge be ween them, since they've both
consented!
For if it's true that Mary's purse is lighter
Than Annals head-then Mary's poor, in
deed
And ", again, AIMS shekels are still brighter
Than Mary's eyes. they need a greater writer
Than l their tempting brill ancy to plead.
When shall find the great desidsratunl,
Lucre or love shall be my ultimatt1a.-Life