The true northerner., 1885-01-29
HUMOR.

nCmvns
THE price OF writing paper is going
up. We always thought it was station
cry.
AMERICAN young ladies who have
been abroad assert that it is dreadfully
hard to find On honest Con I.
FRoa-LEG croquets are late thing
at fashionable restaurants. There will
be many q crack ate in this way.
"MR. SMITH, do you dye your hair ?"
asked the small boy. "No; why do you
think so?" 20, / dunno. only it's
black, and sister said she reckoned you
was born lght-headed.
Too CAUTIOUS: He-I am going to
take away q bottle of saltwater as a
memento of this watering place. She
But don't fill it too full, or it will
slop over on US when the tide comes in.
AMERICAN renovators now undertake
to repair garments and sew on buttons.
An unmarried man can now meet a
Vassar College girl during leap-year
without dodging into o barber-shop.
"Is 1T cold up your way?" was asked
Paul. "Well, should say it was. We
had to give the stove four doses of
quinine yesterday to keep it from shak-
ing the lids of. :"
"CAN you tell me, sir, asked a young
lady at book shop, "in what order
Thackeray wrote his books?' mo,
lady," replied the gentlemanly sales
gentleman; "but, don't yer know, ]
guess it was in order to make money.
NO LONGER.
No longer does the boy
In shady brooklets swim.
Nor seeks the maiden coy
The goldenrod so prm.
He to his sorrow learns
The way to school and back:
She simply sits and yearns
For that lovely sealskin sacque.
A LOVER thus wrote to his sweetheart.
whose name was Rain:
Whilst shivering beaux at mothers rail.
or frost and snow, and wind and hail.
And heat and cold complain,
My steadier mind Is always bent
On one eide object OF content,
ever wish for rafnl
Hymen, thy votarys prayers attend.
His anxious hope and suit befriend,
Let him not ask In vain
His thirsty oul, his parched estate,
His glowing brefst commiserate.
In pity give him rain
He considered it a parental duty to
see that his daughter kept only the
very best marriageable company.
MARY" said her father, you have
been going with that Mitchell fellow
for more than a year now. This court
ship must come to q termination.
80, pa, how can you talk so? He is, o,
SO sweet and nice" "Ah," and the fond
father arched his eyebrows. "Sweet
and nice, Ell? Has he proposed 2"
well, pa, not exactly" and the girl
hung her head down and fingered the
drapery on her dress. "He didn't ex-
actly propose, but, then last evening,
when we were out walking, we passed
by nice little house, and he said,
That's the kind of cottage am going
to live in some day. and said, Yes,
and then he glanced at me and squeezed
my hand. Then just as we got by |
glanced back at the house, and-and-
L squeezed his hand, pa" 20, all, ]
see. Well, we'll try him another week
or two
THE OLD GOLDEN DUCAr.
How dear 10 his heart is that yellow backed
bank book
His busted condition recalls TO his view
The pages all dog-eared: the general lank look
The money has left it save ducats but twol
All, many's the time he has drawn from its
pages
And spreed with the principal. interest as
welll
But now there Is left him in long after ages
Two old golden ducats that cling TO the swell.
Those bilious old ducats, those clipt-edged
ducats,
Those cid golden ducats that cling to the
swell.