Milford chronicle., 1885-06-05
TIE PARSONS MISTAKE.

marks he alluded to the tragic death OF
Ananias. At the close of the sermon an
old deacon took the minister aside, and
informed the reverend gentleman that
he had made a mistake in regard to
Ananias.
"How SOP" asked the astOnished
divine.
"Why, by telling the congregation
that Ananias is dead, said the deacon.
IL don't understand" said the
minister, III some confusion. "Please
explain"
s'Dang it r. said the deacon, ''nearly
every man in the congregation is an Of
fee seeker, and when they learn that
Ananias is dead the whole burned crowd
will want to fill his place. "-Nel0nlan
Independent
A CLEAR CASE.
$50 YOU say you were once chased BY
Indians ?" said Ethelinda to her bashful
'O' ayes" replied George, "three Of us
were chased an entire day by band OF
hostiles." -,
TAnd Won received no injury"
ono. We got away from them, but 1t
was a pretty tight squeeze"
ga what? p
"a tight squeeze"
''Whats that ?"
lyon don't know what tight squeeze
isP Well, er--that is to say--By JoVe,
You know, er--guess it's about time
that YOU did know. I-er--wil give you
an illustration.
And he did.-BOstOn Courier.
A BUSINESS EDUCATION
'rNow, Jakey," said Mrs. IsaacsteiHs
"ven you buys bair of bants for fifty
cendts, und sells him for dhree tollar,
vot prohd vas dot ?"
"DOt vas choost dhree hun"
ssVat kind of a lesson vas dose ?" ex-
postulated Mr.. Isaacstein from the front
room. ''You talk aboud selling a fifty
cendt bair of bants for only dhree tollar
to a leetle innocent schild like dot !
| Make dot bants five tOllar. Mebbe you
want to schpoil Jacob. IN z. Times.
HE WAS PLEASED.
Nose Sehaumberg was caught, by his
Austin avenue rival in business, tearing
down the rivals posters announcing the
arrival of a new stock OF goods.
"What do you mean by destroying
nv posters, you scoundrel ?" asked the
rival threateningly.
''Dot's we're you vos fooling yourself,
replied Nose, badly scared. 81 vas so
much pleased NIT dot boster l chOOst
pulled him down to see if there was any
more reading matter on de udder side.
TEXAS SiJtings.
A LEvEL-HEADED GIRL.
"Say that you will be mine, dearest
Angelina" 80.
''Name it, my adOred, and If 1t were
/ to get you the moon
at is easier than that; in briet, simply
this: that you will invite me to spend q
month in your fathers house previous
/ to our marriage"
"Of course, certainly; but why make
such a strange requests"
s'Well, I wish to learn to cook like
your mother. "-B0stOn Courier.
Al v1oUnAR CUSTOMER.
Customer C2s ofGee and cake saloon)
-"Waiter, bring me beef and beans on
separate plates. Have the beef cut thln
and with the grain, with an edging OF
fat: the beans brown on one side and
not too hot, and cup of coffee, and
don't let the coffee spill into the saucer.
WATERFALL roight, SORT. Anythln
else"
Waterloo yez want the wather
washed. sorr ?"
REVISED.
First Chicago Miami heard some
thing very remarkable to-day about the
revised edition of the Old Testament. "
Second Chicago Manifold Tesla
mentP Oh, yes, 1 know what that is.
What did the revisers do ?"
"Why, they have left out the word
hell. ,"
Indeed And what did they substi-
"Well. I don't know; st. Louis, I
guess. philadelphia eau.
A HEAP OF AIRS.
"But I tell you he's a good man.
81 don't care if he is; I shan't vote for
him."
"WhyP"
"He tries to put on airs. "
''In what way ?"
"Why, b'gosh, he wears two sus-
penders n car4.-1ghis teerbacker In 2
box. an he never thought y chuon.
his pants into his boots till he wanted
the nomination. p Chicago Ledger.
KNEW he WAS BACHELOR.
''Ma, what do you think? There's a
rumor that Mr.. Blieks is married man
Amt that too bad n
''Tush Don't " believe it. If he
isn't bachelor there never was one"
ssBut how do you know he is ?"
"Why, pshaw, child; anybody could
tell that by the agonizing look that
comes over him whenever he sees a
baby" .,on
eyes. sir" said a pompous Texas
manufacturer, 81 consider myself a
benefactor of the human race. feed
two hundred people in my factory"
"You do 1" replied a bystander,
goodness / end all the time was under
the impression that they fed you."-
dustin Siftings.
ADDED 10 S HEIGHT.
s'You are much "a or than you were
a year ago, said gentleman to friend.
Eyes, I have reformed, that makes me
taller. I"
''And how is that?"
"Well, as / have reformed I have be-
come, necessarily, more upright =
Cleveland Voice.
A TIDY HOUSEWIFE.
A woman was in grocery store look
ing at roller pins.
''You may give me two Of them, she
said.
1.-TWO Of them ?" queried tile clerk.
eyes. want to keep one Of then
clean for bread. IN Y. Sun.
PAINTING.
, sYou see those two country boys Owe
there" said the train boy. ''Well
they've recently come into the posses
sion Of some money, and they are goinl
g up to Chicago to paint the town.
s.1r - % rtntor<,o Tyo,,,rg1