davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29

able to view the surface with great
dlsunctnesS and to trace the details of
minute objects with a clearness and
perspiculty that weuld be impossible
under less favorable circumstances.
1t is evident that our satellite, though
1t may formerly have been involved
IN an atmosphere, is now devoid of
sucn an appendage of sufficient inten-
sity to be distinguished IN our tels-
scopes, though it is quite possible
there may exist little attenuated air
close on the surface, or in the interior
of some Of the craterS which abound
on her surface.
The most noteworthy characteristic
of the lunar landscape Is its crateri-
form structure, which becomes obvi-
GUS when submitted to the scrutiny
Of any small telescope. The most
suitable period to observe these ap-
pearances IS when the moon is in a
crescent form. at the time of the full
the effect is obliterated by the glare,
and the shadows of the mountains and
high walls surrounding the cratsrs
have disappeared under the vertical
sun. Some idea may perhaps be
formed Of the number of craters ex-
listing on the surface of our satellite
wheu it is stated that recently psb-
lished chart of the surface includes
more than 80, coo such objects. Some
Of these are Of enormous dimensions,
but for the most part they are minute
objects, only discernlble with good
instruments.
There is little analogy exhibited be-
tween the features of the earth and
moon. The disk of the latter presents
more the appearance of precipitous,
cavernous globe, formerly the seat of
extraordinary commissions Ia the
form of volcanic action, than of 8
planet suitable for the sustenanoe of
animate creature.
Turned to the sun direct, her spotted disk
Shows mountains rise, outrageous dales de-
Scepd,
And caverns deep, as optic tube describes
The absolute freedom of the moon
from turbulent atmospheric yapors
has originated the idea of serenity
with which we are accustomed to re-
gard her appearance in the armament,
but, when we come to look closely ia
to her constituent features, we see at
once that she presents the aspect of q
globe which has passed throug gh many
vicissitudes and changes, and has
now probably reached a stage of mac
tivity and exhaustion. The absence
of an atmosphere and the fact that no
certain Instances of variation Ia any
object on her surface has ever been
observes support this view. But
this satellite IS none the less interest
ing on this account. for we discern In
the wild and broken character of her
landscape the emblems of phenomena
of great i'm port, which must have af-
fected her condition in past ages. 1t
is true the nature of these phenomena
is In a great measure involved in nays
terry, though their effects are SO strlk-
iRgly apparent, but the correct, inter
pretation of them will doubtless be
ultimately achieved as more observers
apply themselves to this attractive
branch of astronomy, and endeavor
to search cut, with appliances of great
er capacity than any hitherto con-
structed, the meaning of SO weird and
varied a configuration.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29

An undertaken living near Allen
town was recently summoned to a
house of mourning to prepare corpse
for burial. By some means he con-
fused the name of the dead with that
of another man, who was sick and
daily expected to die, and called at
the house of the latter with the ice
box and other pharaphernalia Of the
undertaker's business. Tie sight OF
the undertaken almost killed the sick
man, and the unwelcon1e intruder,
after offering an explanation, beat a
hastY retreat
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
The Good Templars' Brass Band.
Bob Burdette.

Down the street marched the Good
TemplArs, the brass bands playing,
and above their heads blse banner
waving, bearing the inscription, ia
glitt-ning letters of gold: eve Bend
the Kaee, But Not the Elbow" On
the sidewalk an old soak stands, un-
steadily holding fre-box in position.
HIS temperance character had expired
about month before. and he had act
had time to renew. He gazes 1t the
hottering banner, and with many .
hlccoUgh reads the inscription. 'Ah,
yes" he says, with an accent of infn-
ite contempt, you bend the knee,
but not the elbow. | know you de
that-hic-that GENES cf thG beastly
habit-hic-of drinking out Of the
bung," and the processiea moves on
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
Those Giddy Vassar Girls.
Washington Star.

A Vassar College gIrI tells this story
I'VE had a theatre with the stage TT
ted up with drop curtain and scenery
and there we gave famous theatrical
performances. One of our fav0rite
pieces, [ remember, was ''She Stoops
10 Conquer. The actors were al
girls, and so was the audience. But
a portion OF the audience wore hand
kerchiefs tied around its right arms,
and the girls composing it were under
stood to be gentlemen. Of course
they escorted the ladies to the play,
and stamped their feet on the floor to
express their appreciation at anything
particularly fine. When the curtain
fell at the close of an act, the gentle
men' all grabbed their bats from un-
der the seats and rushed cut ihto the
hal. There they paraded up and
down IL front Of the theatre. shouting
TO each other: Well, fellers, what'u
yer take?' and Reckon It's my treat;
come up to the bar and order your
p zen. and Sa ay, Jim, got any good
eating tObaccer in your clothesH"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
Personal.
Arizona Paper.

"'Deck' Morris, oil Sun Up Corners
has returned frem New York clean
busted We would have told Deck
that this would have been the result
Of visiting this God forsaken town.
But probably be wanted to find out
for himself. We have some bad men
in Arizona, but none to equal the New
York buDco men and card sharpers.
not 70 speak Of The Board of a Aldermen.
Stick TO Arizona, Deck and let the
dizzy metropolis alene hereafter"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
Eow He xst a Vote.

Philadelphia Record.
1t Is related tnat many years ago
Nj. Margan, who represented West
meath III the House of Commons.
~hen on his FIRST canvass called on
Father Mooney, an Influential priest,
and asked HIM Tor his vote. The latter
replied: Sir, I'd rather give it to
the devil" But, said the candidate,
in the event Of your friend net
coming forward for the county, what
thens'' He got sha vote.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
oliver Bros. g. Co.'S Failure.

PITTsBURG, Jan. 19.-Ohver Bros.
6 Phillips affairs appear 10 be pro
crossing satisfactorily toward the ex
tension on favorable terms. A meet
ing of creditors will be held to-mor-
row. It is stated on good authority
that the liabilities Will rot exceed
s2, 200, coo.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
TIE MOONS SURFACE.
Shadows OF the Lunar MeuztaxEe-A
Nocturnal Study.
Bristol England Mercury.

From the comparative proximity of
the moon and the extreme readiness
with which we may discern the visi-
BILE characters Of the objects presented
on her disk, It is not surprising that
our satellite has always attracted q
large measure of attention. Before
the invention of the telescope, little
could be seen beyond few indefinite
dark spots, but subsequently to the
time of Galileo astronomers have ever
been enGeavorlng
To desry new lands,
Rivers and mountains Ia her spo,ty globe.
AS to mountains and their allied
formations, large numbers have been
discovered upon the moon, but no in
dIcations of rivers or seas have ever
been distinguished. There is, In fact,
no appearance Ga tho disk (surveved
with > powerful telescope and critical
ly examined Ia detaiD which would
warrant us IN assuming that any CON
siderable body Of water exists On the
moon, or that rivers or lakes form part
of the ply arrangements OF her
exterior. The numerous clefts or deep
furrows, Soae of which are of numer-
Gus ext.nt and form very interesting
objects of study, were supposed b.
Grulthuisen to be old, dried river
beds, but the idea is not substantiated
by Otqer observers, and it must be ad-
aaitted that these can alike assures
on the in~er surface remain involved
IN mystery SO far as their origin Is
concerned, aud we appear to be equal
ly In the dark as TO their present or
future purposes with relation 20 the
other objects which diversity the sur
face of our satellite.
The moon is also found equally des-
titute of anything IN the shape Of an
atmosphere. a perfectly uniform
serenity pervades her general features
and enables thep1 to De exhibited t3 US
@Ith invariable sharpness of outline.
There are none of the clouds or yapors
which are SO common q feature of the
terrestrial atmosphere. We are thus
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-01-29
PERU AND CHILLI.

Twenty-four millions In the Claims
Against CaIlE-Pfznrra:s FaIace on
Fire.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03

The Rev. Geo. II. Thayor, Of Bourbon
Ind. says: "Both myself aud wife owe oul
liYe5 to Shiloh's CONSUMPTION Cure" Sold
bv W f Biery, Weissport, and c Horn
Lehigh.on.
Are you made miserable by Indigestion
constipation, dizziness loss Of appetite, vel.
low skin? Shiloh's Vitaliaer is a positive
cure. Sold by W + Biery, Wessport, and
7 Horn, Lehighton.
Why will you cough when Shiloh's Cure
will give Immediate relief. Price 10 cents,
so cents and 81. Sold bv W + Diery,
Weissporii c T Horn, Lehighton.
Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy "a positive
cure for catarrh, diphtheria, and canker
mouth. Sold by W F Diery, Weissport and
c T Horn, Lehighton.
"Hackmetaok" lasting and fragrant
perfume. Price 25 and so certs. Sold by
W F Biery, Weissport, aud c T Horn, lie.
highton.
ShilOh's Cure will Immediately relieve
Group, whoOping cough and bronchitis.
Sold by W + Biery, Wesspor; C 7 Horn,
Lehighton.
For dyspepsia and liver complaint, you
haYe printed guarantee on every bottle
OF Shiloh's Vitalizer. 1t never iails to cure.
Sold by W Biery, WeissPort C T Horn,
Lehighton.
A nasal injector free with each bottle Of
shiloh's Catarr Remedy. Price 5U conts.
Sold by W F Bery, Weissport, c T Horn,
Lehighton.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
TRUST a SMALL GIRL FOR LETTING
A CAT OUT.
The apology was accepted.


The other day Rockland household
was made proud and happy by the in
PRODUCTION Of cabinet organ. The
mother could play little, and as there
was popular collection of music" in
cluded in the purchase she lost no time
in getting every note and stop into
practice. The organ groaned and
wheezsd and complained with tie most
astonishing of music, night and day day
and night, for week. Then one morn
ing there WIS knock at the door, and
little girl from the next house shrilly
said:
PLEASE, m'rm, mother wants to know
if you won't lend her yonr music book?'
This was surprising request, mas.
mnch as the woman next door was
known to be organizes. After gasping
once or twice the amateur organist asked
"What does she want with it?"
The child hadn't been loaded for this
question, so she straightfoiwardly re-
piled:
II don't know IN sure, only heard
mother tell father that if she had hold of
the book for q day or two mebbe some
body would get n rest"
The woman softly shut the door in the
little girls face, and went and carefully
locked the cabinet organ with a brass
kew
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
THE BEAT BEATEN,

"You've got some nice wood over there
IN your yard said seedy-looking
tramp to an Austin avenue lady,
Yes, =" said the lady,
81 would like to carry it in for you, =
he said.
My husband intends to carry it in, "
she said.
"Well,' said the tramp, Il will carry
it in and pile it up nice ii you give me
my breakfast"
AT this offer the lady consented, and
the tramp went to work.
After he bad carried in n couple OF
armfuls the lady stepped to the dool
and found him sitting on the pile with
his elbows on his knees and his face
buried in his hands.
"What is the natter" SAID she,
"Oh, lady," said he, looking up, 81
am so weak, for have had nothing ia
eat since day before yesterday" said he
again covering his face with his hands.
This seemed to rouse the lady's sym.
pathy and she went in and soon returned
with an excellent breakfast. After he
had swept everything from the board he
rose and said, Thanks my lady, for this
sumptuous repast. Now let me give
you this advice Never let your SYM
pathy get away with your discretion.
I'm off TIA, tai" and he walked maiesti.
cnlly out of the front gate.
The tramp had gone but short dis
tance when he beca ne deadly sick. He
seated himself on a curbstone, and few
moments later, haYing two or three VIC.
lent spGsmodic ooutractions of the stom-
ach, he lost all his ill.gotton breakfast.
Indeed his stomach would have followed
suit had ii not been thoroughly dove.
tailed TO his diaphragm. He believed
that he was poisoned, and ne became
very much alarmed. As soon as he
gained strength enough to get on his
feet he slowly retraced his steps and
found the lady standing in the front
door.
Madame" he said, "my breakfast did
not stay on my stomach l believe am
poisoned"
THAT is not TO be wondered at" said
she. Il suspected your little game hav.
lug been caught once before the same
way, so l prepared myself for it by dos.
ing your coffee with tartar emetic. Now
let me give You a little advice: Never
again let your rascality get away with
your breakfast. To beat q dead beat
beats everything. Ia, tar and she
shut the door in his face The tramp
started sorrowfuny down the street,
wondering, 10 doubt, where he could
get breakfast that would stay with him
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
HE CORNERED HER.

Johnny, take the broom aud go out
and sweep the leaves of the pavement"
"Doggone the leaves! What makes 'em
fall so fast?"
"Tho good Lord causes them to fall
each year to remind us that the end Of
our season of life is ever close at hand
and that We, too, must soon fall"
"Well, when they come out agin in the
spring, what is that to remind us OFF,
That is to remind us that if we are
good We, like them, will bud ont new
and bright in paradise"
Eyes, but them leaves don't bud out in
paradise; they re jist on the same old
trees on our pavement. Accordin' to
that we ought to bud out again down
here where We fall off at"
Hurry on out, Don't stand there
and talk SO much"
"Yes, that's good way to get out OF
it,"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03

mantle to put up, and cornioe for tn,
curtains, 1t will take our spare time fol
all winter, but how pleased Clara vii
be-"
Il intend to have everything nice fol
her some day"
YES Nat; but woman must have
something to live on in the meantime
There's love of the beautiful in every
woman's heart, and it must be satisfied
If surrounded by grand scenery the
mind can fed on that; but here, in this
level, mopotonous country, believe the
ZONES should be very bright and Ottrac
tive"
"There may be some truth in that but
never thought of it BEFORE replied
Nathan.
at is not common for q man to think
about the houe as q woman does, for he
mingles with the world. while. most of her
hours are spent inside the four walls.
Clara had no time to fix up anything;
that baby was sight of trouble; but il
You and the children help, we can do
wonders"
And they did. When Clara came
home four months later she scarcely
knew the place.
Come and look at your wife," whis-
pered Martha, when Nathan had finished
the chores and was ready Tor happy
evening.
There she was in the pretty room,
chatting with the children. Joy and
gladness shone through her face, which
had lost its sharpness and pallor, and
there was an elasticity in her movements
which recalled her girlhood.
"She looks ten years younger Martha
and if can help it she shall never work
so again. You've taught me lesson I'll
never forget. Wen take all the COM
fort we can now if we never get big
house"
martha has made this so pretty, that
we shan't Tant another" exclaimed
Clara, hearing his last remark as they
entered the room. 'I'm so thankful to
you all for this pleasant Homecoming. /"
Mar tha deserves the thanks, for she
planned it ALL said Nathan, catching
up the baby.
"Hou are n jewel, Martha; and to
think that I was afraid of you aud
dreaded 10 have yoa Gomez"
"Was that because you knew that
was an old maid,' asked Martha, laugh
ing.
"Yes, that was inst it. I didn't know
you see, that you were such blessed
old maid.''
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
PRIDE IN ONES WIFE

Yes" said old Farmer ones to n trav.
eler who was was stopping with him over
night, "Pve got as good a wife as any
man IN these parts, if do say it,"
I'm not married myself" returned
the traveller, "but nevertheless I can APP
preciate the pride which husband might
take in a good wife,"
"Why, stranger" went on the old
farmer earnestly, i've known that wo.
man to cit up at O'Clock in the morn
in, milk sixteen cows, and git breakfast
for twenty msu, an have the hull thing
done Rfore SUNRISE
"You don't say so.' exclaimed the
stranger.
"les, sir, and not oucet only, but
week in an week out, an you can see as
well as l kin that she is not u strong wo.
man nuther,"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
HE APOLOGIZED

New York broker vino passed a nigh
at village tavern in Ohio a fortnight
since was informed that there was to be
wedding in the house during.the even
lug aud was warmly invited to witness
the ceremony. When it came off, how.
ever, he was left unuotified, but in few
minutes the brides father beckoned him
aside and said:
II desire to apologize for my seeming
rudeness, When you wers inyitad up
stairs it was supposed that you were Il
lumber dealer from Chicago. When !
found that you were broker from New
York it changed my plans"
"Hov?'
"Well, it's the fashion here to give the
bride railroad shares. I got hold OF
$4,000 in Ohio Central stock for the
OCCASION"
"Well?"
"Well, it's passing all around the room
for 100 cents on the dollar, and didn't
want you up there to offer to supply it
by the carload for 3D."
The apology was accepted.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03

Everybody should subscribe for the
ADVOCATE with the beginning of the new
year, Price 81 year. All the latest
news up to the time Of gciug 10 press.
The fendish action of her father in
pasting over the hole in the fire board
the large crayon portrait of yourself, and
then running the stovepipe through it,
undoubtedly justiies you in ceasing all
acquaintances with the family.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03

There never was more concise
form of expression than the answer Of
the man Of the Siarras, who when asked
about the character Of neighbor, re-
piled: "Mister, don't know very much
about him, but my impression is that
he woula make irst-class stranger"
Who says a woman can't climb? An
old maid IN Massachusetts, saw a dead
field mouse by the roadside tho other
day, and in less than forty seconds she
was IA the topmost crotch of an apple
tree, tuckiag her skirs in aud peerilp
around among the branches for her
speciaclls,
An advance agert-The pavubrok-
eg's clsgk.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
THAT BLESSED Old MAID

There is no other way, Clara. am
the only relatiye she has let, and we
must invite her lere for the winter, any.
how. She and Johu stayed with fathel
and mother while l was roaming here
and there. Now they are all gone
Martha's alone, and it's no more than
right for me to look ont for her awhile
I'll write Immediately"
"Yes, Nathan, that is right, I know
but can't help dreading it. 1 always
had a horror of old maids;" and Mrs
Tracy looked nervously around the plain
kitchen of the little farm house.
You needn't be afraid of Martha; she
sn't very old, and venture 20 say none
! the prying, disagreeable old maids We
read Of"
In spite of his reassuring words, Mrs
Tracy dreaded the arrival of her hus
bands maiden sister, whom he had moi
seen since the day he left his New Eng,
land home to try his fortune in the new
West.
But, as Clara soon discovered, there
wns nothing to fear from the quiet, sad,
faced woman who came TO them, whose
life had been SO full of devotion to 9th
ers, and noble self-sacriice. that there
had been no time for growing hard or
bitter, because somo of lies sweetest
blessings had been denied her.
Tho children, Bert and AIable and
baby Ray, with unerring instinct OF
childhood, felt the depth of her quiet
kindness, aud took her at once into
their loving little hearts.
Mrs. Tracy, although wholly unob-
trusiye, was obseryant. This. together
with the interest she felt for her broth,
er's family led her, before she had peen
many weeks an inmate of his house 10
make discovery.
Nathan, in his desire to get on in the
world, was missing much that would
have made lite pleasant. Iu thinking so
constantly of the future he was losing
all the sweetness of the present. That
tais was affecting the whole family was
only too apparent. 1t was seen in Clara =
anxious, weary face, and repeated in a
less degree upon the countenances OF
their children.
There seemed to be no rest for any OF
them. No relaxation in the struggle for
existence. Nothing to vary their weary
monotony Of everyday labor which, like
some huge Juggernaut, was crushing be.
meath its wheels all that might have
made life sweet aud pleasant.
Martha shrank from interference with
the habits of her brothers family; but,
looking ahead, she saw for them nothing
but sorrow and Disappointment, and felt
that something must be done to save
| them.
Watching for an opportunity to tall
alone with Nathan, she gladly accepted
his invitation one morning, to ride will
him to town.
They were rolling rapidly over tn,
level prairie road, when, Martha brok,
the silence,
1T is truly e1hilirating to ride in thii
bracing air, over these fine roads, espec
tally with so nice a rig as you call it
The buggy is easy and the horses reall,
fne animals. You must be doing wei
now, Nathan"
Il suppose am, Martha; but it hai
basu hard pail, with losing crops sick
meas, &c. We're in debt yet, bat wit
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03
THE TR RAMPs LATEST RACKET.

A wretched-looking tramp went into
an Austin saloon and begged with tear.
in his eyes for the horkeeper to give hin
dime with which to get something tt
eat He got it. As soon as he had it il
his hand he slapped it down on the bar
end said in loud, vocirerous, peramp.
tory voice:
Beer r.
1t was several minutes before the bar.
keeper could catch his breath, but then
he was eloquent:
"Well, il that amt gall hope may
never live to see any. Why, you-you
YOU" etc.
mo campaign speeches. Begging is
my business and beer jerking is yours.
Just you attend to your business and III
attend to mine. L is going to be very
cold Winter aud If you want to keep
your job you had better attend tc it,"
said the mendicant.
The partially pNrOl!z,d bnrkeeper
handed out the schooner, the tramp
downed it slowly and driltol ont, per-
iectly satisfied with that little business,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-01-03

Tho bump of des.ruotiveness A
railway collision.
"A round of rleasure--a promenade
concert.
The man who keeps his word the
man who never speaks.
We have arrived at intellectual
blindness when We see only what we
Wish TO see.
-Pen-makers are n bad lot. They
make people steel pens and then say
they do wright.
When man drops his bat in the
street he always picks it up with sor
Of mean look, as if he had stolen it.
1t is said that the light of match
will frighten a wolf; but love match
sometimes fails to keep tho wolf from
the door.