Devils Lake inter-ocean. (Devils Lake, Ramsey Co., Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1905, 1885-11-14
GOGGLES.
The Husband's Costly Experience With
HIS Wlfe's Darling Pet Dog ~.tsoogles."

swell, and my hat suddenly grows too
small for me- said q well-known club
man the other day, Ito think of a little
pet brute that resides where / I'm stop
ping at present-in fact, he belongs to
my wife. l little thought, when the
dog-hawker, who has beefsteaks tied
to his legs to allure dogs. stopped me
on Broadway and suggested that l
should buy the f~awn-colored pest, that
he had designs on my peace of mind.
Otherwise I should have strangled
him. In a weak moment l went home
and told my wife l had seen such a
pretty pug--l thought the dog pretty
rest; she wanted him at once. l tried
to dodge the issue, but to no good.
Every day l came uptown my wife
would throw her arms around my neck
- have been married three years and
know what that means, and whisper,
Darling, has the man sold that pretty
pug yet2 Mop Then. Charley. dear,
won't you buy him for mep The
Griggs have a pug. aud it makes mi
sick to think I haven't got one, too
l bought that pug, and we have had
f1eas v slnce.
".For two weeks my wife kept me
awake at nights asking me how 1 liked
this name and that name for her pet.
She went through every book in the
library in search OF All inspiration. 1t
was no use. Then; she leased me- for
names. l suggested 'Kapitanos An
titratikas,' and she laughed at me-; l
mentioned 'Stuffcymeguzzen.' and she
got mad. l then retired from the
christening racket, and she settled on
GOGGLES. There were other Googlesos
in tho dog world. so u pug is now
known as Lanjan's GOGGLES, and great.
ness has thus been thrust upon ME.
Such is fame.
From the first GOGGLES was all
there. He had as many points as Wall
street in a month. His color was the
thing until my wife gave him q bath,
and then the paint washed off. This
nearly broke her heart, and l have had
to engage tho man who swindled me
to come twice a week and touch Coo
giles up. The man su5s: Yer can bet
yer sweet life l am the boss fakir in
America The GOGGLES lay too much
by the fire, and the glue softened and
his tail uncurled and stuck straight
out like u pointers, The hair-dresser
has to come and crimp it every morn
ing. My wife would sigh and say: %,
Charley, do look at him now. tho little
darling; look ut his beautiful eyes; see
how they express his love for me- l
agreed with her; | rather thought they
glittercd, especially tho left one l
was right. GOGGLES fell of the stoop
one night. and when he was rescued
empty was one socket A little boy
who was passing handed mt something
he had picked up in the street; he said
it was "a diamond ~breastpin.' 1t turn
ed out to be GOGGLES glass eye. The
love my wife had seen was in reality a
pinch Of phosphorus.
"Googles then knew that he had
been discovered as q fraud. and no
longer dissembled. His good manners
at once took wing. He deserted the
parlor and his good mistress for Tren-
ton sausages and the cook. His tastes
were low and he sought the festivities
of the realms of the basement. When
he had stuffed himself out with good
cheer until he could hardly waddle he
would 20 and look ut himself in the
FURNISHED convex boiler to elongate his
figure. He is up To all sorts of games,
and for a small dog can purloin more
meat from the butchers and hide it on
his person than u melancholy Dane.
His thirst is of the best order, too; he
is a terror Of tho heeltaps in the de-
canters.
Zone night GOGGLES was decidedly
groggy, and in a beastly frame O.
mind. He had been lushing it severa.
days, and was off his fecd.' He had
/, been offered saddle of mutton anc
roasted Currituck widgeon for dinner
: all to no good. He began to see things
: and as l passed him on my way out hi
: bit my leg and ven whooplng off
, When l reached the club some on,
, said, Charley Lanjan's got 'em bad
he's going around with a pearl neck.
] lace on his leg; he is working the Duke
I racket l heard tho remark and, look
ing down. found q full set of false teeth
sticking in my trousers. They were
GOGGLES.
D MY wife came home one day and
said that there was to be a dog-show,
+ and that she lad entered GOGGLES, and
wanted me to fix up q pedigree righ'
straight off. l did it. I copied mos
of it out of Burke's Peerage, adopting
: only the Christian names. It took bet
t ter than any pedigree l ever heard of
and GOGGLES won the prize. But my
wife made enemies of seventeen of hel
most intimate lady friends. all of whom
. have been trying to buy or steal Goo
giles ever since.
"Now that GOGGLES has become F,
winner he has put on more frills thar
a dozen virgin queens. He smashe'
J, things, chews things, bites things. do
stroys things, and steals things. HI
gets sick, and the family physician ha
to he called in. He has the cankcr
, and when he gets we'll of it he starts il
. on tho mango. He gets better and ha,
to ride in the park. He recovers. ant
he gobbles everything he sees. Jus
run your eye over this paper contin
r ued MI. Lanjan, land see what Goo
giles has cost during. the month"
Il GOGGLES EXPENSE ACCOUNT.
) sOfa-cushions at $50 each. ....S 5.O
. ~ dozen table napkins at S24 per doz $50
4 day shirts 300
2 night-shirtS sc
! umbrella-staud, smashed. ........... $50
! new glass eye............ .......... SS
| bearskin heartlirug ............... 700
I neighbOrs' cats at 50 cents cach.... ~
Orperpetuating color (Bill, the fakir) 2o.0
81 pounds Trenton sausage at IS cts y
llA pounds prime steak al Is cents. 29
9 tOothbruslles 9
Sundry hric-a-brac. 81.
e New bonnet for Mrs. L.............. 4hO
New huff for Mrs, l.. ST.
u New shoes for Mrs. L............... 100