Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1885-11-12
THE WIFE MARKET.
Ambiguous Phraseology Of Matri-
monial Advertisements.

Matrimonl advertisements are be-
coming more and more common in the
country One would suppose that they
are found to succeed, otherwise their
number would not increase as it does.
1t is not always, however, that adver-
tisements succeed. The following is an
instance of contrary result:
1.-The middle-aged widower who adj
vertiscd ;aIee weeks ago is still candi-
date for matrimony. Many letters are
missing by not giving explicit and
proper directions. How sad!-is still
q candidate for matrimony! Did he,
perhaps, confess to membranes" III
his previous advertisement, or is it be-
cause ne is middle aged and a widower
that he has not been appreciated in the
course of three whole weeks? And he
is evidently such an unsuspecting, SIM
ple-minded. trustful man. Some men
would have thought that if no letter
came no letters had been written, but
not so the middle-aged widower. He,
on the contrary, is full of faith He is
sure that many ladies have written;
they must have used wrong address.
Is it yet too late for us to point out to
the fair sex how invaluable a husband
with such ready explanatory theories
would be to ladies who love liberty?
The middle-aged widower does not de-
serve to be disappointed; but we can
scarcely hold the same view of a mid
dle-aged lady's case:
"a lady OF middle age. with no gen.
tleman acquaintance, would like to
form an acquaintance with a gentle
man-from middle age to siXty-with
view to matrimony." Now in the first
place, does this mean that the acquaint-
anceship is to last from middle age to
sixty, with a view to eventual matri-
mory? That sort of arrangement
would certainly not suit an eager Young
fellow like the middle-aged widower
whom delay of even three weeks
could drive into that plaintive ..still
candidate" But, further than this, the
lady makes two capital blunders. which
viii probably prove fatal to her wishes.
She should have represented herself as
surrounded by troops of ardent admir-
ers none of whom quite come to her
ideal standard, and she should have
chosen some less offensive ! phrase than
from middle age TO sixty" supposing
it to refer to the age of the gentleman,
and not to the duration of the court
ship. That phrase will infallibly offend
all matrimonial men of sixty. We
should imagine that the middle-aged
widower is close upon sixty, else he
would describe himself as Gin the prime
OF life," and yet the wording of the adj
vertiscment implies that sixtyi is old. On
the other hand men from forty to fifty
will not allow that they are middle
aged. they leave that for fellows of six
t.. Here is 4 proposal whose full beau
ties does not come out on a mere cur
sorry glance.
"A gentleman of medium age and
good mercantile business desires the ac-
0uaintance of a lady, from twenty-five
to forty years of age. for a wife. His
lady acquaintance in the city, very linn
tied, is of retiring. modest DISPOSE
ton" Observe the delicacy of the gen.
tleman of middle age. He does not adj
dress himself to principals. but to
friends of principals. He wants as
wife the acquaintance OF lady from
twenty five to forty years of age. How
old the wished-for wife is to be he does
not say. nor yet why her friend should
be from twenty-five to forty years of
age. His second sentence, too. is am
biguous: His lady acquaintance in
this city. very limited, is of retiring,
modest disposition. Possibly it en-
bodies complaint. and. if so. it is I'M
wise. for it casts reflection upon his
readers 1t amounts to saying that he
can not get on with the retiring and
INQUEST ladies. and so seeks for wife
among that opposite class which adver-
tises or answers advertisements.
What does '.middle-aged gentle
man. mean who ''desires the acguaint-
ance of a poor young lady," and adds
in parenthesis, IAN orphan Preferred"
Can it be that he objects to the idea of
a mother-in-law2 or is it that there is
something wrong about him which
n natural protector could find
out? On the other hand. it
NAV be that he is so deficient
in personal NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. which
very little is said in these advertise
ments. and as compared with income
that he thinks he will have a better
chance with the ''poor and helpless"
class. "A bashful young" man does
not look for an orphan, he confesses
that "a pretty foot is his passion. in
connection with ..faxen hair and blue
eyes," not knowing, perhaps, in his
bashfulness, that these three eXcellences
are rare. "a young soldier is not SO
bashful as the ''bashful Young man. y
He wanders through involved sentences
with much confusion of first and third
person, and at last, feeling that he has
rather made a mess of it, bursts out in
plain English:
lam quite anxious to marry. if
car lind some one suited to my mind