Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-07-31
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE

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er work it in clean library"
Every now and then we read of new
whiskey pool being formed The only
kind of n whiskey pool we ever saw was in
a prohibition State. and the pool was in
the gutter.
did the fight amount to much ?" asked
one lawyer of another who had Just come
from attending pugilstic exhibition.
"No," was the Disguised reply; 1.-The pre-
liminary motions by the defense were
overrued, and the case was decided for
the plaintiff without further trial 1t was
II slim affair"
There is a tradition that the land on
which Chicago stands was once bought
for pair of boots. If the boots belonged
to the original Chicago girl, the Indians
got II full equivalent in real estate.
Motto of the oleomargarine dealer-"For
butter or for worse
The average tailor is an inconsistent
sort of a man. He first commences a suit
for the impecunious dude, and then against
him.
An exchange says that one hundred and
nineteen hands struck at Yonkers, y. Y,
the other day. Yonkers can sympathize
with the much-abused house-fy.
Straws are very plenty just now, but
they are too busy to show which way the
wind blows
An exchange is troubled at the extraor-
binary number of persons dying in bath
tubs this year. We suppose this eXtraor-
binary mortality is due to the fact that so
many persons use the bath tub only as a
last desperate resort
The proper place for people who paint
towns red in New York State is Auburn.
Although the remark may not be exact
ly seasonable we are moved to observe,
while we think of it, that the only institu-
tons in this country which open their
doors to women on equal footing with men
are the skating Kinks.
An Ohio man drank twelve barrels of
cider last winter. Funeral services from
the house.
"Home rule is the best for local affairs, y"
says an exchange. The writer's wife evil
IDENTIFY edits his manuscript.
"Why are you like dough ," asked Il
Burlington woman, sarcastically, of her
husband. Because | am kneaded at
home, dear" was the soft reply
Why is good speller in IA class of school
children like glass of champagne Be
cause they both 90 to the head.
The days of chvalry and tournaments
are past forever, but men still continue to
enter the lists of the tax collectors.
Papa, may join the Flower Mission ?"
asked IA Burlington girl. Eyes, my dar-
ling" replied her practical papa, fondly :;
nothing would please my old heart bet
ter than to have you learn to make good
bread"
A subject in hand-palmistry.
The Russian advance didn't prove to be
exactly a rushin' advance
An exchange says that if $4,000, 900
women should clasp hands they could
reach around the globe. We don't believe
2,000,OO0 women could be found who
would clasp hands.
An Indiana paper remarks that lit IS
clothes which attract attention, not men"
Just let the editor try going out, some
day, without clothes, and see.
The farmer isn't much of a hand to seek
Office, but during the summer season he
is always running for something-eithera
nest of bumble-bees or the jug under the
hay-cock.
Some base ball players are said to grease
their hands before beginning game, We
should think this was hardly necessary, in
the case Of most players.
A Brooklyn man recently assaulted an
other man with a baby carriage. What
became of the baby during the melee is
not stated, but its mother has undoubt-
eddy come to the conclusion that men have
too many other things on their minds to
make good baby tenders.
A sign of the times-"Ice cold drinks for
! sale here"
The author of 'Silver Threads Among
= the Gold" has been appointed to post
, mastership worth s242. If literary people
, only stick to it, they draw large salaries in
the end.
An exchange says that there is large
falling off in the population of the West
, ern part of Massachusetts The bicy Gle is
r bound to rake its way everywhere.
} Girls il. India wear rings in their noses.
. 1t must be interesting for young man,
. just as he is about to snatch large and
r full-blown kiss, to have about eighteen
: karats of brass drop into his mouth and
take all the sweetness out OF the expert
ence.
, A Baltimore man called letter carrier
e liar, and was promptly knocked down,
e He is now Furnishing the government by
l going to the postotiice for his own mail.
D A writer says, "the art Of fencing has
5 taken great boom in this country" Sc
l it has, but, for all that the old stump
= fence was great deal nicer to be on af'
. fectionate terms with than the modern
@ barbed wire affair. If Il man got caught
e on stump fence he could sit there, but he
Y can't do that on barbed wire fence.
4 A Vermont girl went into meadow to
h sketch cow The COW happened to be al
# old one with n ring in her nose, and they
5 picked the girl up on the other side OF Il
Il sever-rail fence.-DCtrOU Free Press.
ii A Mormon editor has been arrested fol
J. supporting two wives. The arrest was
S undoubtedly justifiable. An editor with