Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-02-26

WIT AND HUMOR.

There are good and bad points about
| this coffee" said the boarder, in judi
cial tone. The good point is that
there is no chicory in it; the bad that
| there is no coffee in it.
\ Ahousehold magazine says that''vtry
| nice Goldfish balls are made by cutting
a Goldfish up fine" etc. We supposed
| that nice Goldfish balls were made by
cutting a piece of liver up fine, etc. 1t
seems like a queer notion to put Goldfish
in Goldfish balls.-NOrriSt0U Herald.
An agricultural paper contains an
article entitled How to Preserve
Sheep-Pelts. The recipe may be the
best known. but we shouldn't think a
sheep-pelt preserved would be very
pleasant eating. Preserved ounces.
peaches. and plums are good enough
for us.-NorriSt0wn Herald.
A man has just died in New York
who. on his death-bed, confessed to
having murdered an organgrinder
twenty years ago. Why he kept the
matter so long secret it is difficult to
imagine. He would have been presi-
dent if he had made it known. Some
lDtlI ItNtl huOh Ni'h my saiS IA ic~-N'
Stakeholder in Texas railroad Ito
president of the same)-Anything en-
couraging to offer in the way of pros
poets? President enthusiastically
Everything. sir, everything. The
future is most promising. l have just
borrowed our July interest on unex-
pectedly favorable terms.-BoSton Rec
ord.
He was at breakfast wrestling with a
piece of remarkably tough veal. His
wife said to him: You always say
, there is something to be thankful for in
everything. l guess you'd be troubled
in this instance Not at all" he re-
sponded. stopping to breathe. II was
Just thinking how grateful we should
be that we met it when it was young"
Troy Times.
A physician advises everybody to
ascertain what diseases have carried Oft
his ancestors, with a view to guarding
himself; but suppose man finds that
his great-granjfather was drown
ed at sea, his great-grandfather took
poison, his grandfather was hanged,
and his father was elected Vice-Presi-
dent, what is he going to do ?-Boston
Post.
How much for candy?" asked a
little boy. .'SiX sticks for five cents,
eh? Now lem me see; six sticks for
five cents. five for four cents, four for
three cents, three for two cents, two
for one cent, and one for nothing. I'll
take one stick. mister" He got it, but
the dealer is still in state of bewilder-
ment and can't see how that can be-
Montreal Witness.
He had been run over in crossing the
streets, and his family surrounded his
bedside. ..Poor John - sobbed his
heartbroken wife. Have you any
wish to make?" The man shook his
head. "My poor husbandH' repeated
kept watered." mo you DON'T ex-
claimed the dying man; mo water on
| (hic) my grave. .''-NeW York Graphic.
In certain town in New Hampshire
minister being on trial for grave
| offence, one of his brethren was SO anX-
| ious to clear him that he said to the
| Judge, MAY it please Your Honor,
| | had a dream last night, and saw two
angels who declared the prisoner to
be not guilty" Very good" returned
the Judge; .cause them to appear as
witnesses and I'll swear them. "-Hdr-
! pcrS Bdzar.
One day last week we accompanied
friend to supper at the Barnes House,
| and when about to enter the dining
| room the old handle who presides over
! that hostelry objected to our entering,
| and we forgot our religion and smote
| him upon the cheek. which resulted in
a case before Justice McMurry entitled
The State of Texas vs.. Deed H. Meyer.
Jury trial. and fined 81 and COSTS
Albany (IcE.) Ne'os.
At the Unitarian Club, Mr.. Shippen
told a story recently related TO him by
a Princeton professor, who had just
come from an evangelical gathering.
A German guest, who was called upon
to address the body, did not sufficiently
distinguish between the accepted uses
of the words bare and ''barren,
and said: 1T gives me great pleasure
to address these venerable and barren
heads. y Christian Register.
A Galveston mendicant was in the
habit of calling at the office of loca
lawyer and receiving small sum or
account of former acquaintance. Las'
week the mendicant called as usual, bul
the lawyer said: "Ican't assist you any
longer, as I've got wife now and ueec
all the money can lay my hands on. u
well, now that's just coming 1t
little too strong. Here you actually &C
and get married at my expense. -
Ieras SJtiRgS.
Just listen to this, Martha !" ex
claimed Mr.. Jarphly, who was reading
his evening paper. ..One of the dog,
at the London prize show is valued a
SjO,OOOl Good gracious! That's more
money than l ever expect to be wortl
in my lifer' Some dogs are wortl