Milford chronicle., 1885-02-27
NE LIKES TIE PLACE.

- he LIKES TIE PLACE.
= Comrade Jake Knoblock met an old
y comrade at Utica whom all his friends
thought dead, and the following CONVEX
i sation ensued:
! Jake-"Hello. Tommy, is that Won
= We heard you were dead"
Tommy Schlumm-"Dead I ouess
not ! vas glad to see you, Shakey, old
What are you doing here. Tommy 2'
Il vas delegart to dot Convention. F"
Where do you belong now,
81 pelong in dot Soldiers Home in
Bart" (Bath.)
Nice place, amt it?"
''Nice I bade You id vas. Ven Won
get sick dey put you in a nice hospitals
und gif you nice medicines. und ven Won
vas died dey gif you a grabe-upd der
giabe IS kept green-und dey put M a
nice stone ofer you NIT your name
knocked out on id. Nice / lust bade
you, nefer vas going to leave id
Don't you forged dot. "-.Sunday Dis. |
patch.
THE osrRToHs' DINNER.
California Ostrich Farmer-HMvd dear
did you feed the birds regularly while /
was away ?"
Mrs. Ostrich Farmer-''Yes. AZ reou.
larly as I could. 1 never saw sucb an
petites. The provisions ran short and
had to feed them on whatever [ conId
iind around the house. gave them two
kegs of nails"
SSIsAloct's right. mn
niscos ,i,, s , ri n 9R impfis, the tRieat ~ three
s'Yes % G,aJ "a, 10, ,orE' He gets used nj
full" clicking 'ile .e,
"Oh / Yes, forgot. Thev didn't
seem to be satisfied even then 81 eI Tno1o :
them piece of mince pie" !
Great Galen, woman did Won want 4
to kill them ?"--Phila. can "''1' =
HE PLAYED IT. b
There is in Bloomington A man who Ii
never got off joke successfully in all c.
lis life. He has often tried but has al- b
ways ANONYMOUSLY failed. The other Il
lay he came to the conclusion that be W
lad thought out pretty good one. and
Iailied forth to play it on some Of his tA
rlends. He soon met the undertaken h'
nd slapping him on the back. iDouired. ey
''Say, Jar, why am I like a cannon 81 Al
de expected the undertaken to give IL an
p, when he would tell him that he III
as liable to be discharged in case his ca
1emy attacked him, but Jar did NOT or,
i've it up. saw -'' thr
"Why, it's because you are such an thi
fernal bore, and they are the worst fer
friends now. col
HARD TIMES FOR RAILROADS. acI
''You see" he exclaimed. "T bava q an.
tie railroad back here in Wisconsin pul
lat IS, have organized one, and Sc az, are
red the right of way across two conn. the
8. | come down to Chicago to float are
a little loan. I want about a hundred OF
ousand dollars" OF
II see." dau
Well I've been here a week, and pay
1e not accomplished anything" pro
'Why ?" herr
Well, the best offer I've had vet wos her
furnish me with the money at % per IN
{. interest, and charge me 60 Der low
C. commission for making the loan. 1S, I1eI
ats left won't pay me for lying TO me me
tarmers- - IVaH Street NeUs. siiill y,
TIE SLEIGH BELLS. . sli
Now the merry sleigh bells Jingle. p-io'
And there's not a girl that's SINGLE W nj
vii! make her lover take her out to ride. ONE
ride, ride; ' WheI
And he'll sit within the cutter. ia Il
Filled with bliss he cannot utter. ,,bot
his elbow crooked around his f1ture ~ |i-0s
BRIDE bride, BRIDE Tue I
But when she is his bride 5
N sleigh she'll never ride. 1i,u On
lrlch the man who keeps the liverv-v-v. VI
3ut at home hel husband-maybe- - help
Val gently hold The baby Oh us
she bhthely brews the giadsome catnin ers at
tea, tea, tea. a. a..
-SomeroiQe Journal 0tLo. ~ 70
JUST AS WE'LL. ~ sa-ea =
rry Sullivan, the Irish tragedian. creatr
playing Orchard III" some years and +
& Shrewsbury in England When sort o
ctor came to the lines: lint
"a horse a horse Some
My Kingdom for horse (" ,bot =,
one in the pit called out: "Wouldn't norfed
do you, Mr.. Sullivan ?" "Yes.V labels
nded the tragedian, turning quickly less b
lnterrupter; "please come round colopn
stage door," Who ye
THE REToRT COURTEOUS. hurt b.
ell, Mr.. Smith, said large soap what |
facturer at a fashionable evening and gel
to a journalist, who was there as labels
II and not as a reporter, "I sup Herald
'ou will write up full account of
air tonight for your paper p"
ssibly," replied the journalist
3 smile. "And by the way" he Prof,
81 wish you would Just book NV explain
'or couple of cases Of laundry a secon
zone O
THE GAS METER, account
You think your meter doesn't was tn
r properly ?" attack c
N sure il does NOT future
ID we are SO busy now we can't Small-p
to it. We will send You man ample,
ut the middle Of next month. ;" occur Of
7ish you would. l am sure il yldual,
,t register more than half the gas the dis
" body i
! Just wait minute. I'll send ana logy
right up with you now to test opinion
Hjcag0 NetOs. OF conn
NO GRUDGE. rem oval va
were dead and gone. and Won ia,a pa. .''tsi0 ~
other wife, you'd find out how tbo ,eTo ~
and forgiving and patient I've '--0
Toud see then how I've endured
up with things r.
We no immediate intention of mn %,
ne this opportunity ?" 1-;ai-'5-;i, nne n
sir hope I'm Christian as 11llI. WI ~
martyr, and I've too much tuoa. ,lalS S.lal .i.-,
, -r,a.- ~ 49, 80, "Oiiiau' shaped v
EDUCATIONAL ~ ITEM. are Of IL
er-'Now, what do you UNDER from pla,
brain work ?" Of ibe fro
When man works with his but squat
bers Of Il
lct and what is manual labor ?" about fort
! Z a man works with his hands" telligent
rght. 10 which Of these Marshal
l belong when teach you. another cl
qse most in teaching you p similar in
aP' -1eras oytfr9s. described.
he OBTAINED JOB.
lumber Ito small applicant for
$50 you would like to be a
little boy ?" DR.. Hell
10y "Yeth, thir." Sunday th
ou read, write. and oinbar o., the Sunds
AZ. ~ ~ -L---o- na-....nL..a 4