davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-01-02
THE COMING HuMoRlsr.

He States His Case 10 BILL Nyc, and Asks
for Advice, Which He Freely Gives.
The following letter has been re-
ceived, and as it incloses no unsmirched
postage-stamp to insure private reply,
l take great pleasure in answering it
through the columns of Puck:
CHRISTIAN As., Sept. %, ISL.
DEAR SIR: 1 am studying for a Humorist.
Could YOU help me to some of the JoLIEST
Books that are written? With some of the
best Jokes of the Bay &c &c &c.
Also what it would be best for me to do to
become an Humorist
am said to be IL Natdral Born Humorist by
my friends and all L need is Cultivation to
make ny mark
Please reply by return NAL.
Kindly Yours
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
HISTORICAL.

From certain ancient statutes it ap-
pears that every Englishman, while
archery was practised, was obliged to
keep in his house either bow of yew
OF some Otter Wood.
Rosemary was formerly in very
high esteem, and was devoted to
various uses. 1t was supposed to
strengthen the memory; hence it was
regarded as a symbol of remembrance,
and on this account was often given
to friends.
In the "Life of Rodney" it is re-
lated that at the famous victory of
the 18th of April. 1882, a bantam cock
perched himself upon the poop of
Rodney's ship, and at every broadside
that was poured into the Vile de
Paris, clapped his wings and crowed.
| Rodney gave special orders that this
cock should be taken care of as long
as he lived.
Under the StuartS arose new flesh
ion of drinks In England. Spirits
known as ''strong waters" or "com.
Portable" came in vogue, but in spite
| of the excessive drinking in which he
and his court set such a bad example
James statutes are full of enactments
against drunkenness. Fines and the
stocks were freely threatened
but it seems, seldom used.
About ITO it became the fashion to
wear two watches. In a rhyming
receipt of that date, "To make /;
modern fop," appear the lines:
A lofty cane, sword with silver hilt,
A ring, two watches and a snuff-box gilt.
The ladies soon adopted the fashion
but as watches were still very ex
pensive, mock watches were Otter
substituted.
1t was an ancient custom anon,
the German race, when case in dis
pute could not be readily decided b
the wager of battle, to refer it t
wise men of the tribe for arbitration
, Yet even as late as the tenth century
! an emperor Of Germany lotto I, SO
A. d. refused to decide certain diff
ficult cases by arbiters and preferre
, to refer them to the sword.
Among the steps towards gradui
3 emancipation in England, may b
!. mentioned the punishment of ex-con
3 munication, threatened by Ecgbertl
g of York, for any sale of child
r kinsfolk, slave murder by the maste
: became sin before the church, thong
e not always a capital crime before th
/ law. The slave was often attached
s the land and could only be sold wit
|, it: he sometimes acquired land ar
!, bought his emancipation.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
SCENE IN COURT.
A Reporter Assaulted by an Irate
Female-Her Attorney Draws
a Revolver.

A Reporter Assaulted by an Irate
Female-Aer Attorney Draws
a Revolver.
In Sundays issue of THE DAILY
STATESMAN there appeared a para
graph that highly offended notoriuos
woman OF the First Ward, named
Mollie Seymour. She was so highly
incensed that she went to several
places in search of the offending re-
porter, breathing dire threats
of vengeance. But as re-
porters are almost always on
The go, she didn't succeed in getting
an interview with the object of her
wrath until yesterday afternoon.
About half-past 4 o'clock the city
editor of THE STATESMAN was ap-
preached by Deputy-Sheriff NJ. B.
Crenshaw, who told him that he must
go before Justice Purnell and give
bond, at the same time producing a
warrant for his arrest. The charge
was for ''imputing a lack of chastity
to female" 1t seemed a somewhat
strange preteXt on which to issue a
warrant, taking all the facts into
consideration, but the reporter went
along with the officer to Justice Pur.
nells court room, located on the Sec
ond story just above the Bank Saloon
on East Pecan street. There were
present the woman, Mollie Seymour,
her attorney r. H. Brumby, and his
Honor, the Justice.
The proceedings seemed rather in
formal, and as it afterwards turned
out, exceedingly irregular. The wo.
man was armed with short stick
about the size of an ordinary walking
cane. She was evidently In a rage.
some talk ensued which resulted in
the reporter being placed under bond.
Suddenly the woman approached him
and dealt two rapid blows on his
shoulder with her heavy cane. 1t
didn't hurt him, but as she kept up the
attack with an annoying perseverance
he was forced to defend himself as
best he could, using no other weapon
than those of nature. At this, her
lawyer, r. IL. Brumby. lnterfered by
drawing six shooter, cooking it,
and flourishing it In a threatening
manner, evidently with the in
tention of shooting the reporter.
The justice and deputy then inter-
fered and matters were for time
quieted. The reporter withdrew, but
was followed up without being aware
of it, by the irate Mollie and again
assaulted. The affair will probably
come up in the courts.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
MISCELLANEOUS MATTERS.

Mr.. Roebling, engineer, says that
heavy engines and cars must not be
run over the Brooklyn Bridge, as the
cables have on them all the load they
ought to carry.
A stock company for the manufac-
ture of liquid cheese Is preparing to
seek incorporation in New York,
backed by German capital. The pro-
duct will look like maple syrup, and
have all the pungency and other good
qualities of American cheese.
Spain contemplates imposing pro-
hibitory duty on foreign cereals, thus
following in the wake of France and
Germany. This action can have but
little influence on Amt rican produce,
since the value of our shipments of
breadstuffs to that country last year
was as follows: Wheat, 1856, $50; corn,
$63,776. In 1881, however, we export
ed to the extent of $4,000 and in
1880 81, $4,000.
Some idea of the extent of the con-
sumption of meat in London, and the
amount drawn from other countries,
can gained from the fact that dur
| ing the month of January, 1885, its
imports aggregated 48871s tons of
beef, 2208 tons of mutton and 4091a
of pork, each ton containing 2240
pounds. The United States furnished
1920 tons of the beef and 2G211S tons of
the mutton.
The origin of the silver threats of
| gossamer which are 80 frequently
seen extending from bush to bush was
| formerly unknown. Spencer, for in
stance, speaks of them as ''scorched
dew" and Thompson in his "Au-
tumn" says: "The filmy threads of
dew evaporate," which probably re-
fers to the same object. The gossa-
mer is now, however, known to be
he production of q minultespider.
Henry May, an English mariner, re-
turning from avoyage to the west IN
dies in a French ship, was wrecked on
| one of Bermudas, December IL, 1893
He and his companions in distress re-
NAMED there for five months, when
thew rugged small vessel of eighteen
tons from the material of the ship,put
in thirteen live turtles for provisions
sailed for Newfoundland, and Themes
I1asurned to England. These island
were named for Juan Bermudez,
Spaniard who was wrecked there II
1922. May was the first Englishmal
, who set foot upon them.
Charlotte Cushman chad a foot o
, her own" in size, and general
3 wore TOURS, but could crowd into
: Ithree-and-a-haf on tight squeeze.
One night, soon after recovering fror
q severe attack OF in1ammator
rheumatism, she was wearing pal
3 of slippers much to small for he
: Dart1ng behind the wings betwee
i. the scenes, she snatched them off an
r threw them as far as she could, O.
{ claiming: "Ye gods Somebod
! lend me pair of slippers, or I'll go 0
Q in my stockingsl" "What rrrHl' +; Z
0 YOU wear 2" asked a y3lnE ~ ~ ID
b TO help her in her emeF..eEcy. 4
a never mind the number; anythin
from five to twentyl'' she replied.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
CURE FOR PILES.

Piles are frequently preceded by a
sense of weight in the back, loins and
lower part of the abdomen, causing
the patient to suppose he has some
ELECTION of the kidneys or neighboring
organs. At times, symptoms of indi-
gestion are present, flatulency, uneasi-
ness of the stomach, etc. a moisture,
like PRECIPITATION, producing very dis,
agreeable itching, after getting warm
is common attendant. Blind, Bleed
ing and Itching Piles yield at once to
the application of DR.. Bosanko's Pile
Remedy, which acts directly upon the
parts effected, absorbing the Tumors
allaying the intense itching, and effect
ing permanent cure. Price 30 cents
Address, The DIR. Bosanko Medicine
Co., Piqua, O. Sold by Alexander
| Bros
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09

ternoon when the District Attorney
closed the final speech, and the case
was left with the jury, after an able
and impartial charge by his honor,
Judge A. S. Walker. mo verdi ct
had been rendered at late hour last
night.
The cases set for to-day are as fol-
lows: State VS.. John Crisp, for theft
of horse; State VS.. Geo. Douglass,
(col.), assault with intent to rape;
State VS.. Chas. Mcclure, forgery;
State VS.. Ed Mahoner, theft over 500;
State VS.. William Burke, assault with
inten. to murder. and burglary.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09

Our workshops, stores and offices are
full OF highly educated and accom-
plished woman, who should glory in
their different voeations and not
stand on false dignity as to a title
or be ashamed that they earn their
own living. A merchant is mer-
chant, and mechanic is mechanic,
but woman in the same line is not
to be called a merchantess OF a me-
chanicess, or merchant lady or a
mechanic lady.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
INDEXING THE HOUSE
JOURNALS.
statement of Chief Clerk Sadd1er.

Statement of Chief Clerk SaddIer.
Mr.. A. D. Saddler, Chief Clerk OF
the House of Representatives, in a
communication to Speaker Foster,
claims that the journal of proceedings
of March % shows that the resolution
apportioniDg work among the en-
ployes of the House after adjourn
ment, failed to pass Land that the Read
ing Clerk, Mr.. Finger, incorrectly
stated the vote to be AZ ayes, instead
of Al ayes, and 80 noes, total of 70
votes, and one less thar the requisite
number. He also claims that Mr..
Finger mis-stated the vote on Mr..
Cravens' motion to table Mr.. Davis
motion to reconsider the vote en- the
resolution.
Mr.. Finger, he states, announced,
to be Al ayes and 40 noes, while the
actual showing, by names, Mr.. Sad
Ter contends, is Al ayes and Al noes,
by which, under the rules, the motion
to table was lost, and not carried as
announced. Only 70 members having
voted according to Mr.. Sadler's show
ing, Mr.. Finger, he says, made mis-
take In reporting II voted, an error
which. just suff1ced to make quorum.
Mr.. Sadler, to quote his own words,
further says; "To prevent vote on
the motion TO reconsider, by which
vote have the strongest reasons to |
believe the House would have reced- |
ed from its seemingly adoption of |
the resolul ion, it was necessary that |
the motion to table, should prevail
Forty-one voted aye, and forty-one |
voted no, as a simple addition of |
names will verify, b1t Mr.. Finger
made the mistake of announcing the
vote as forty-one ayes and forty noes,
which was just mistake enough to
make it appear that the motion had
carried"
+ 4
alt is enough to show that the reso-
luton failed of adoption (Mr. Sadler
concludes) and is consequently with
out legal force or effect, and that
there is no authority by any other
resolution, for officers or employees of
the House to perform, or receive pay
tor services performed after adjourn
ment. If any of them have performed,
or shall assume to perform services as
by precedent and usage to
their several positions, it will rest
with the Legislature, hereafter, to
provide proper compensation to those
who, in its judgment, have acted
in good faith" {
The above presents the material is {
sues as to the record, according to Mr..
Sadler's showing, Invested of the per-
Sonal illusions of his communication
to parties concerned with him in the
Issue.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
The Igreat trouble with American

The Igreat trouble with American
women is, as friend slightly given
to slang says, "they are too big for
their boots" or, to speak more plainly,
they desire to assume more than their
actual standing. This is the trouble
in every grade of life, whether it be
that of the working "irl or the grand
dame, the wife of the millionaire and
leader in society. The shop-girl is no
! longer a shop girl-she is saleslady,
ana very soon the kitchen girl will be
transformed into the kitchen lady
Not that either of these parties
may not be as worthy of the title
lady" as the wife OF daughter
OF the millionaire, but it seems alb
suri to assume it or give it. We
have no classes in this country, and
the man or woman without cent Is
as good as the one with a pocket full
OF, as Paddy would say, little better
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
A BIG BLUNDER.
About the Bueket-Shop BilI-A Senator
Thinks IL InopeIatiYe.

About the Bucket-ShOp Biu-A Senator
Thinks IL Imperative.
On account of the late sensational
developments in regard to what was
known as the "brCket sHop" bill, it
may interest the public to know that
although the bill passed both houses
of the Legislature and afterwards re-
ceived the Governors signature, it is
quite likely to be OF no force.
Senator Jerdone was the first to dis
cover the discrepancy, that is very apt
to prove fatal to the measure
to suppress the "bucket-shops."
On careful scrutiny of the bill yes
terday he saw it was entitled an act
to amend chapter 2, title 2, of the Pc
nal Code, by adding to article 354, an
other article to be classed as 354a. The
flaw was seen in an instant. Title 2
of the Penal Code, contains no such
article as 354, and article 354 of the
Penal Code, which the bill seekt to
amend, is found under title IL, which
pertains to quite another matter.
- AS soon as he had satisfied himself
of the defect, Senator Jerdone called
on Gov. Ireland and asked hin
If he had noticed the blum
der. He had not done SO
Surprising everything in proper shape
the Governor had signed his name tt
the bill. On being referred to the
statutes, the iDaccuracy stated above
was pointed out, whereupon he re
marked. 81 guess that makes it mop
eratiye," or words to the same eff
feet.
Thus it Will be seen that after al
the efforts of the honorable gentleman
from Harris (Tankersley) the "bucke
shops" are still in the ring, and thu
future" business not altogether
thing of the past. But the question
arises, who made the mistake? How
did such an egregious error ever man
age to creep IMP Was it purely acc
dental? or was it sleek scheme?
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
STATE DEPARTMENTS.
what is Going ON About the State
House.

Col. J. II. Britton has sent in his
resignation as State Engineer. He
might have held on some time longer.
What will the Governor do about
the land bill? This question has been
often asked since the adjournment of
the Legislature. Will he veto it.,
or hold it for ten days
at the end of which time it becomes
law, whether signed by him or not.
1t is thought by many that he will
pursue the latter course.
All the items of the appropriation
bill. aggregating many thousands of
dollars, go into effect. The revenue
tax, as lately fixed by the Legislature,
20 cents on the 500 is nearly 43 per
cent. increase on the old rate-17 cents
while the aggregate revenue and
school tax, 3715 cents, is an increase
of exactly % per cent.-an arithmet
ical statement that will cause Texas
taxpayers to open wide their eyes.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
Saws the Toledo Bee:

There seems to be a growing dislike
among the Democrats against Presi.
dent Cleveland's administration, and
a corresponding increase in favor
among Republicans. 1t is claimed by
the recent standard bearer of the Re
publican party that the difference
between Cleveland and the Republic
cans is even less than between him
and the Republican party. The Pres
ident, has indeed, proved himself 8
conundrum thus far, in adhering
strictly to the line Of his inaugura
address. This. is what puzzles the
place-seekers, but is hailed with de.
light by all who regard the welfare OF
the country paramount to the interest
| of SpOilSmen.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
COLLECTORS REPORT.
Report Of County Collector a. Is.
Morris for the Current
Quarter,

The following report of A. r. Nor
ris, Collectoc of Travis County, for
the quarter ending March 81, 1885,
shows the following list of licenses
taken out:
Seven billiard tables; 8 beer sellers;
l cotton buyer; 2 gas companies;
hack. driver; 16 land agents; 81 law
yers; retail liquor dealers; 1 quart
liquor dealer; 8 livery stables; 2 COM
mission merchants; % sixth-class mer-
chants; 20 seventh-class merchants;
2 photographers; 8 foot peddlers; toll
bridge; 6 bankers; dealer in stocks;
l lightning-rod canvasser; 1 first
class merchants; second-class mer-
chants; 10 third-clasS merchants; Ii
fourth-class merchants; IL fifth-class
merchants; one-horse peodlers;
pawnbrokers; 1 travelling physician
theaters; l dealer in patent medi
| Gins; concert; exhibition.
There was collected occupation
taxes on account of the State SO 1893
County tax collected, S1.99485.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09

81 have both used and sold PRICK
LY ASH BITTERs for a number of
years, and think it the best bitters
made for Billiousness, Liver Com
plants and for toning up the system, D
so writes W. 81. Cole, Druggist, of
Joplin, Mo. A single trial of this
remedy will convince any person of
the truth of the above.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
ARELIABLE ARTICLE,

For enterprise, push and a desire to
get such goods as will give the trade
satisfaction. Alexander Bros, the
Druggists. leads all competition. They
sell DR.. Bosanko's Cough and Lung
Syrup, because its the best Medicine
on the market, for Coughs, Colds
Group and Primary Consumption
Price 80 cents and $1.00. Samples free
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
THE DOCTORS.
An Interesting Meeting Of the Local
Physicians.

There was very interesting meet
ing of the Travis County Medical So
ciety last night. An instructive paper
was read by DR.. w. A. Morris, and
thoroughly discussed by the other
members. Delegates were elected
to the State Medical Association
and also to the American
Medical Association. The former
convenes at Houston on the 21st of
this month and the latter at New
Orleans on the 2Sth inst. Drs. Max
well, Burt and Daniel were elected as
delegates to the meeting at Houston
and Drs- Smith, Bennett, Swearingen
Mclaughlin and Litten to the other
Drs. Frank Mclaughlin and Ralph
Steiner will discuss abdominal wounds
at the next meeting.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
DISTRICT COURT.

Progress Of the Morgan Trial--Cases Set
for To-day.
Yesterday was taken up in hearing
argument of counsel in the case of
Walter Morgan for the killing of Jos.
Henderson. District Attorney Rob-
ertSo opened for the ate in
a vigorous speech. He was
followed by Judge Terrell, and
Major Walton, both of whom made
exec edingly strong appeals in defense
Of their client. It was late in the af-
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09

Ell Pueblo says that priest in Mat
amoras promulgated an edict. of eX-
communication against the editors of
those newspapers who criticised the
recent edict In relation to the payment
Of the tythes.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
"BUCHU-PAIBA.~

Quick, complete cure for all Kid
ney, Bladder and Urinary Diseases
Scalding, Irritation, Stone, Gravel
Catarrh of the bladder. 81. Drug
QiStS.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
HEART PAINS

Palpitation, Dirpsical Swellings,
Dizziness, Indigestion. Headache
Sleeplessness cured by "Wells' Health
RaneWer'
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09

Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one
minute. German Corn Remover kills
corns and bunions.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
.RnuGH nN RArs J!

Clears out rats, mice, reaches, heas,
ants, bed-bugs, skunks, chipmunks
gophers. 15c. Druggists.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
aRouGH ON CoRNs >,

ask for Wells Trough on Corns;
15c. Quick, complete cure. Hard or
soft corns, warts, bup ions.
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
Patented rIove1aToer az. 1870.
Reasons WHY This HiVe is The Best in Use.

BECAUSE
Educated mechanical skill required
BECAUSE 1S GaR @
BECAUSE eopened
BECAUSE
BECAUSE 1 one maafe %Se @ R hive ease
profitable
this ssG @ H avid S this M
held BY experienced 60 -, 49,, - 100
BsFs nng @ s SSmpSn Gss Bs had i @
I I sS s @ Te nv Bees snf Satisfied h
Using your
@ FnE R e Correct ae @ % % %
ina atsd @ '
pingt may De great SUCCESS ' ~ MRS K1ABER
Read what Professor Turner of
II
Kept Ss as te M n AND %
s saa the
nay T9 pec far mora than sn mode pa ven
Sense the
bees Jacksonville Ill, March q,
j. BARNES ESQ., lee Sso
manPulang the for
a Rq ss best mna
honey spring count last season and increased colonies NpiM
@ eseee e h fe s s a a pd
Sd s e e" rscommend
JILL arch27,
If E.
P s H;Ss
0 Ck u.s. y mail will receive prompt 'a0
The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
lAIANTED AGENTS Book z Of BOOKS jjii

ATEeady PToEa s6s 9
- He CHAMBERS q COS ohAs' ~
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-12-29

WAsHINGToS CITY, Dec r-rhe Sunday
Capital says; "A hill is to lie introduced in
congress to lend the name of the govern
ment to the international exposition which
is to be held in Chicago IN 1S9! 10 com
melnoiata the four hundrcdth anniversary
of the discovery of America. The Chicago
people are a good deal interested il this enter
prise, and are going to push II with the
energy that has made that city famous
Ihsy think that the typical American city
should be the leader and the location of this
Comnemoration, and consider it quite as APP
propriate as the holding Of the centennial
celebration Of the republic at the cradle Of
liberty. The exposition VIII be planned
after that of Philadelphia, aud similar legis-
latiQn i, eired, except that no financial
aid or -uarant e is asked from tha govern
ment, the people of Chicago agreeing to foot
all the bills
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-12-29

KANSAS CITY, Mo, Dec % Prank B.
Vaughn was married Christmas eve, to Miss
Elizabeth Stoycr nf Little Blue. y few
moments after the ceremony had been per
formed a bullet crashed through the win
dow, 1t was aimed at Vaughn but missed its
mark Abraham Nave, Jr, cousin ana
aiinirer Of the briie, was suspected of the
attempted assls 'inatun sunday Nave per
suuiel the newly welded couple to visit his
home to satisfy his mother tlat they did not
accuse him, As they were driving thther
Nave EailOped to their carriage, Shot
Vaughn. returned to his fathers farm. and
when he saw the officers coming, shot him
self in the head The affair has caused d
,rraut snu,ati1u
The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-12-29

WASHINGTON CITY, Dec. 29-Over seven
hundred poor children were entertained at
dinner Monday afternoon by the childrcn's
Christmas club, an organization of which
Miss 3iollie Villas, the young daughter Of
the postmaster general, is president, and
which is composed of the young ones Of
prominent people in the city. After the
dinner there was Punch and Judy show
and a Christmas tree. Each child received
a box of candy and present of some sort
the distribution being made by Miss Villas
President Cleveland, Miss Cleveland, and
the presidents niece, Miss Hastings, who is
spending the holidays at the White House,
Chief Justice Waite and Postmaster General
Villas were among those present They are
all honorary members of tine club.