, 1885-05-03

under the arm-pits. You will observe,
ladies and gentlemen, he went on, in
lecturers 1. style, that if / take a lighted
match and insert il in the corner Of the
patients eye, he will feel no pain"
Saying this. m dreadful companion
proceeded to illustrate his remark by
making a dash at my shadowy eye with
a burning match. / certainly folt no
pain as the match burned in my head.
You will allow, after all you see,
that my shape has its advantages, y the
ghost proceeded; but it also has its dis
advantages. Try the pipe now. / tried
to take the pipe-it dropped through
my Napory fingers. He placed it In my
mouth: ! could not hold it, nor get a
Whit from it. Precisely so" said the
ghost. 'Now, this is just what has
brought me here tonight. A great
smoker all my life, doing my twelve
pipes a day regularly, l have
been defunct these two years, and dur
ing all that time l haven't had a smoke
Not n blessed draw. / miss my 'bacca
dreadful. There is a provision made
for smokers down with us, you will
understand; bnt We are governed by a
board of directors whose general inca
pacity equals that of many Of our city
boards. There is a stock of bodies kept
for smokers, so hat if you want to en-
JOY a pipe you must go into one Of the
bodies to get it. But if you will believe
me, the supply is so VIGOROUSLY INSULT
cient to meet the demand that there is
no chance whatever for q new ghost to
get a smoke. When / entered the so
ciety all the bodies were out in use. and
booked for three years in advance. My
name has been down-on the books for
two years, and there is no chance Of
my getting a body allotted to
me for u twelvemonth. Fancy
two years without n smoke. Why,
sir, the incompetence of our board is
something awful. | can only explain
the reason why we put up with such
gross mismanagementin the other world
Is because We have become so used to it
in this. Our constitutions, however,
are being undermined 10 that extent
that the board has It length been CO.
creed by popular feeling into passing a
measure empowering ghosts to render
them visible to n single individual at a
time, in order that they may effect a
change of bodies for short periods, al
ways with the consent of the person in
question, for tho purpose of indulg-
Ahh III ~ maui nnlIfA AhC QiiCCLOAo Day
they cannot, however, but characterize
as pernicious and injurious George III.
and George Washington, both members
of the board, opposed the meas
ure; they, however, were left in a
r~idiculously small minority. Under
this new act, | obtained your body"
"You never had my consent, iend!i
l cried.
'ltis vulgar to call names, my friend"
the ghost replied, smoothing my mus
tache with my fingers; but you are
trining. | asked you to change places
with me, and you agreed, as you must
be well aware. But, dear mel here we
are at Ashbourne; but, however, l
must finish my ~pipe-think of two
years, and not a blessed draw, my
friend"
The train was sl~ackening speed. My
companion leaned out of the window,
putting fast and furious.
Plenty of time to change bodies, " he
said; ut shall be lone in an instant, as
soon as the train stops" and he CON
tinued blowing great clouds Of smoke,
till we pulled up ut the depot. He hur-
riedly knocked out the ashes OF the to
bacco, as the conductor cried: Change
here; all change here. please
A sudden glow of warmth seemed to
pass over me as | rubbed my eyes, and
found to my great delight my own
smooth hands against my own un-
wrinkled cheeks. | looked up for my
companion; he was gone; | was alone
in the carriage.
| was greatly surprised, as / stepped
on the platform, at being asked for my
card by n very Oficious nerson. still
more so at being summoned to the po-
lice court the following morning. The
officious person stated that he was the
secretary of the Anti Tobacco Alliance.
and applied for n conviction against me,
under n of the bylaws Of the com
pany, for smoking in a railway car
riage contrary to their regulations.
He deposed to having seen me (only
think, mel leaning out of the window
smoking a meerchaum pipe. The con
ductor testified that the carriage smelt
very stongly of tobacco on our arrival,
and that | was the only passenger. A
meerschaum pipe answering the officious
persons description was found on my
person. Case was clear, and | was
fined . pounds sterling. Nay, more
the case of smoking in a railway car
riage has been placarded at all the sta
tions along the line, where | am hung
up as a caution to the public, in a black
frame, with my name and address and
the amount Of penalty enforced at full
length.
1t would have been useless to attempt
any explanation to the Justice. 1t is
something TO have set ones self right
with the public.