Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-05-28

WIT AND HUMOR.
A girl who could spell Deuteronomy
And had studied domestic economy,
Went to skate at the rink,
And az quick as a wink


entire family live with you. In this
country there is no understanding, but
the result is the same. -Bq!fdto EG-
press.
Are we going to take 100000 more
ores of land from the sons of the for
estP Not if the men who think each
Indian must have 10000 acres of land
to turn his horse around on can help it.
-Pbjladclphi0 Press.
ne city of Cleveland has figured
figured, and has finally come to
sage conclusion: either the con-
factor can clean the streets or he can
lot" We don't see any great chance
for argument there.
Swift wrote: There never appear
more than five or six men of genius in
an age. :" ''Nowyou understand" said
Brown, ''why [ am so sad. Solitude
will be the death of me, | fear" Gwen
solitude, !" observed Fogg, ''has its COM
pensations.
Ils'If your horse has lost his appetite
Iange bis bill of fare" says an agri-
cultural journal. OF course. Vary
his hay with beefsteak and mushrooms,
and give him cream and sugar on his
o'ftmeal. Always be kind to your
se.-PatcE.
81 held her tiny hand in mine, and
clasped her fairy form, and told my
tale of ardent love, in language sweet
md warm. And when | paused for
'Slant of breath, she raised her dimpled
hin, and whispered low, i don't catch
IN; please sing you song again, "
Pedestrian (who has lost his way)-
why don't you have guide-boards
round here, SO that stranger can tell
where he is going? Now, in the city
we have plenty of guide-boards-
on every corner" Farmer why
didn't you bring few along with you,
chen?''
The Sans financial free lance ''Rigo-
lo' declares that Chicago has been
trying for months past to skin New
York. 1t must have been a very I'M
rofitable undertaking. Good grounds
xist for believing that there isn't a
whole pelt in Wall street. Brooklyn
Eagle.
A well-known Friscdn married a
Canadian girl four years ago, and
brought her out to this land of eternal
summer. The other day he found her
sitting with her feet on the refrigerator
iingling the dinner bell. She said she
was so homesick she had to do some
thino.-Sdn Francisco Post.
The Journal of Pekin, China, was
established in Oil, md the present pub
Usher opens his eyes with surprise
when an old gentleman from the rural
districts enters the office and says he
has been a subscriber since the first
number appeared and shows a receipt
to prove it.-NOrYiStO1O21 Herald.
An Indianapolis hotel, according to
the Journal, furnishes potatoes a Ia
pome de tare" Boston, through the
Hcrald, follows suit with Coffee and
Lunch Cafe. /" Washington is never
left She takes the trick with restau-
rant which furnishes 'ECafe au lait
with sugar and milk. - Washington
Hatchet.
Dr. Harrison, of New York, has mar
ried daughter of Brigham Young Il
the doctor, in an unguarded moment,
were to ask his wife to invite her broth
erS and sisters to tea some evening,
and the invitation should be accepted,
he would have to hire hall and employ
two or three dozen walters. Norris
tom Herald.
A teacher in one of our schools in
quired the other day if any of hel
scholars could give the definition of the
word dandy" This seemed a puzziel
till little boy near the front held w
his hand and said: Il know what 8
dandy it'll. " ''And what is it?' ''He
it'll boy what kitheth the girlth. =
Brooklyn Gazette.
The millionaire was dying. He was
surrounded by his friends. ''What
can I do for you, my dear friend?''
he exclaimed, as he grasped thu
hand of his old legal adviser.
Everything / have owe to you, and
will do anything you may ask. What
shall do?" '.Make a WILL" replied
the lawyer laconically.
At recent gathering in St Louis
General Sherman was present. Said q
young lady resident: He doesn't look
like literary man." ''Oh, he isn't, y
replied another young lady resident.
''Didn the write School for Scandal >
mercy, no. You are thinking OF
General Sheridan. He is not here to-
night. The Ingleside.
Colonel William Pope, wealthy res
ident of Galveston, hired professor t
teach his eldest boy, who was very lazy
indeed. Now that [ have shown yoJ
how to do that sum, I'll prove it to you
to show you that it is correct" sale
the professor, who was teaching hin
arithmetic. No need of proof, pro
lessor; will take your word for it.
know you wouldn't tell me a lie. .
Teras SittjngS.
''Humphn' he called as he Gu
through his buckwheat cake anC
dropped knife and fork. whats the
matter?'' asked the landlady. ''Adul
teratedr' What with?" ''Hair-pinsr
''Oh! is that all? When you frs
spoke I didn't know but the cook haC
been using some of that extra fine fioul
along with the buckwheat, though
expressly forbade her doing so. De
tr0it Free Press.