The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-08-06
Brother Gardiner ON Matrimony.

II should like to spoke few re-
marks to Brudder Side Bar Skinner"
observed the President, as the dust be-
gan to settle in Paradise Hall.
Brother Skinner, who is a young
man of %. with a mild eye and lilac
necktie, advanced to the front, and the
President continued;
.'Brudder Skinner, de news has reach
ed nv ears dat you am about to be
mar'd. / trus' dat de report am true,
bekase l believe it am de dooty of ebery
young man who kin support wife to
take one"
''lt am true, sab,
..Den let me compliment you wild one
hand an spoke few remarks to you
wild de odder. Gittin' mar'd has its
worry serious side. Fur instance, am
de gal gwine to marry you bekase she
loves you, or to spite her folks bekase
dey kept her away from de skatin
rink? Am you gwine to marry dc gal
for love, or bekase her father has some
wealth which you hope he'll shell out
fur your benefit?
..IIove am a powerful emoshun. Brud
der Skinner, but love widout pork and
taters to keep it goin' am like dc froth
on top of soda water.
Don't mistake your sentiments. Ii
you am sartin dat you love, go ahead.
If it am only iollypop. hire out as a
deck hand on steamboat fur week
an it will go away. l hev known
couples cz seemed to be dyin' of love.
Deir silly ackshuns made en- the latfin'
stock OF hull nayburhOod. Dey SEEM
cd to dote and dote, but it didn't last.
Arter a couple of Vars de husband war
u homo grumbler an tyrant. an do
wife a gadabout an a scold. What dey
s'posed was love war only lollypop.
.Doan' marry q gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in de barber bis
ness. Most fadder-in-laws not only
want all dey hez got. but am willin' to
struggle fur another $4,000.
..Doan' sot down an figger dat fo'
taters. a loaf of bread. half pound of
meat an quart of applesass am goin'
| to run you for week. You will want
all do salary you kin airn. an you had
better look aroun' an find somebody
who will lend you- dollar now an
then.
"Doan' fiatter yourselves dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de house an
kiss ober de gate. You'll be hungry
fur con beef an baked beans; your
cloze will w ar out; your flour an but
ter will waste away, an bill fur two
months rent will send chill down yer
back. De man or woman who specks
dat MARI life am q green an shady
lane. lined wild orange blossoms on ono
side an ten-dollar bills on dc odder.
am gwine to wake up some day an
find dc rats leavin' de place in digust.
Think of desc things, Brudder Skin
ner. You kin get wife in about five
minutes. but it takes five vars to git
shot of some of 'em. Expeck about one
days sunshine fur week of cloudy
weather. Reckon on house rent comm
due de fust of ebery month, an dc gro
Ger an butcher keepin' an eye out fun
you each Saturday night. 1t will amaze
you how do woodpile decides an how
de flour gifts outen de bar'l so soon.
Doan' walk into matrimony like lobs.
ter into box. but tigger on whether
de bait am wuth de risks. If you con-
clude to mary. you kin depend on dis
club attendin' de obsequies in body,
bringin' along a bounteous supply oi
: ham sandwiches. If you decide not to,
it am probable dat you will soon be
promoted to some posishun of trust an
responsibility. ."-Detrott Free iress.