Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
WIT OF THE PARAGRAPHER s.


The watchdog growls-
maid is awed-
AS one more beau
Has pantieS chaWed:
Old man up stairs
Warm blankets meath
Says, Glad filed
Up Towser's teeth"
Coal is said to have been discovered
I'm the heart of Mckee," No.
Mexico will not have the heart burn.
Why shouldn't the office seek the man:
IL is unnecessary trouble,
When, If it waits, it surely can
Meet ofhce-seekers in the van
Who gladly I'LL it more than double.
Mrs. Sprigglns is much exercised to
know whether the ''pope lets them car
dinal fellers wear their red hats when
the papal bull is loose"
Mamma" said little 4-year-old.
this is the calf of my leg isn't itg"
Yes" "Well, then" slapping his
thigh, ''this must be the cow"
'What must we do to be sayed?n
asked the Sunday-school teacher of
her new pupil. Git lost" was the
very suggestive bat incorrect reply. 4
= A Missouri editor with misty recol-
lection of the Old Testament floating
through his mind, declares that like
the promised land, Missouri is flowing
with hog and hominy.
-Four men were carrying the mang-
led body of man into a house. Has
there been an accident?" inquired 2
bystander. ooh, no, replied one OF
the men. He's only been practicing
for game of polo at the roller rink.
A darkey, having heard that ex-
Gov. Jarvis has been appointed envoy
extraordinary and minister plenlpo~
tertiary to Brazil, told another darkey
that Gov. Jarvis had been appointed
an extraordinary preacher to the peni-
tertiary IN Brazil.
What this day and age of the world
needs is a phrenologist VINO will paw
around among the intellectual homes
Of free-born American citizens and
search out few men who can milk a
cow In acooI and unlmpassionate tone
of voice.
Oh, I'm king and an emperor proud.
A lord and princely peer,
And sovereign bold-with power untold
And wealth galore year.
dwell in block, pay no rent,
I'm chief and autOcrat
And woe to the man who comes under my ban.
I'm Janltor in fiat.
The supreme court of Pennsylvania
has decided that unless persons look
both ways ID crossing a railroad track
they cannot obtain damages for in
Jurles they may receive. This gives
cross eyed people a decided advantage
over those who can see straight, and
IN some measure mitigates the Attic
ti0n Of being cross~eyed. Life is full
OF compensatiOns.
The women's Fighters have a right,
at last; to feel encouraged. In far
Constantinople, where woman has
never a soul to save" the fair sex has
riz and shrieked, and bulldozed the
government. They declared "the Sub
lime Port is no Bossphorus.n
Call again. he said to the butcher,
Call again another day"
The butcher pocketed his bill
And sadly turned away.
Hes busted" said the butcher,
"Flat-broke, alacka-day!
He is an honest customer;
Too bad he cannot pay"
The butcher took his wife that night
To see fOur-bit play;
But III a fifty-dolar box
Sat the man who couldn't pay.
A short time ago a New Hamp-
shire man wished to run a telephone
wire from his effice to his residence.
It's best line lay over a cottage, where
in resided two venerable maiden ladi-
es, one Of whom answered his re-
quest fer permission to use the route
with the statement that while she
should be glad to accommodate him,
the noise made by people constantly
talking over her head would be too
annoying to permit it."
According to the Phenix Register,
there is tax collector in that vicini-
ty who was around a few Gays ago
looking for Mr.. w. y. Telegraph.
He had discovered the name on his
books and as he was unacquainted
with him he asked a friend if he knew
him an what sort of looking per-
son he was. The friend replied that
he knew him we'll; that he was very
tall man. He didn't know where Mr..
was living now, but
thought the postmaster could give
him his address.
How doth the little onion
Pop up its little head,
AND the restless little raddish
Stretch ia it's little bed.
The sunfish and the minnow
Wag their shiny little tails,
While the chipmUnk and the robin
AdorH the fences rails.
The blossom by the hedge side
And on the boss nose
Tell of the coming spring time
And blooming of the rose.
It is stated as curious fact that
when the late Empress OF Russia was
stopping with her daughter, the Ouch
ess of Edinburgh, with large suite,
the Duke gave her to understand that
he could not afford to entertain her,
and he should be obliged if, on her
departure, she would order the comp
troller of the suite to pay an adequate
sum for the expenses of her witt.
At the moment of departure, after