Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1885-03-05

Intelligence and acquired brains Will g
when it's cooked p
Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him pie
pan into which he dropped his bottom
crust, and then poured in the mince
meat.
SCOT to lift your teeth pretty high tc
get around some of that meat,n he OBJ
served as be tried TO poke the Jumps
into position with a stick. 'I'm MOI
sure whether mother used to CRATE tht
meat or crack it with hammer, but il
don't make so much difference It's tho
crust that talks. when you come to con
versation on pie. Now, you do this,
and he marked out sprig on the tor
crust with his thumb; land when you
get it on, thus, you pinch it around the
edges, SO. See? Ny mother used tc
have an old wheel out of wooden
clock, and she printed landscapes in
holes all over the pie. But that isn't
necessary. 1t adds luster, but nc
dignity, to the performance. Now, we
put it in the oven, this wise, and in a
short time we will have accomplished
results in the immediate line of pie.n
=" 1t is really wonderful how well you
remember how your mother made them, y
smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
You won't feel badly because it beats
yours2" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, kindly.
'fYou won't cry2" and he chucked her
under the chin. and opened the stove
door cautiously to see how affairs were
progressing.
'I'll try not to, replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, casting her eyes down, and sup
pressing something that sounded like a
sob.
Lets see. You stick in broom
splint, don't you, when you want to
know if the pie is done2 Where's your
brooma Show me the happy broom that
is to be immortalized by testing this
grand apotheosis of pieI''
Mrs. Spoopendyke produced the
broom, and her husband, carefully Sc
lecting one Of the splints, jabbed away
at the upper crust.
''lt won't go in, he remarked, rather
dolefully, selecting another with similar
results. 'sThe trouble is with the broom.
Haven't you got a broom that knows
Something about its business, or is this
one of those brooms that won't workg'
and he broke up several more splints in
vain endeavor to penetrate the pie.
Hadn't you better try the handle,
dear2n suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"No, | hadn't better try the handle,
dearF mimicked Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''Come out here, and let's see what's the
occasion of this uncalled for resistancep 2,
and Mr.. Spoopendykc hauled his pie out
of the oven and fred it down on the
table," ''Got an idea you're going TO be
assassinated with broom splint, haven't
ye2 Think you're sort of bulwark
of American liberties and bound to re-
sent foreign Intervention, don't ye?
Well, you amt; you're only a
measly pie, and you're going to have
something stuck in ye, if it takes cold
chisel and canonp' and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke stabbed at it with fork, and then
with chopping knife, without produc-
ing the faintest impression. "You're up
in pie, what dye s'pose is the matter with
the thing~ he asked, turning on his
wife.
IF I'd been your mother, I should
have put some lard in the crust, = re-
turned Mrs. Spookendyke, complacently.
II don't know how you're going to get
lard into crust that you can't pene-
trate with bayonet'' retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke, upon whom it began to
dawn that there was hitch somewhere.
''Tve almost forgotten how mother did
try pies to see if they were done.n
did she ever try cluba'' inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
"No, she didn't try a clubr' roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke. sCome hither. my
gentle pier' he howled, planting his fist
in the middle of the apparatus. Listen
to the voice of the siren inquiring within p
and he dropped it on the floor, and
planted his heel on it. ssFront door
closed for repairs; entrance at the back p
and he kicked the whole business to the
ceiling.
s'Your mother must have been very
vigorous for her age,n observed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, calmly.
It's those gasted Jumps of meat, !"
snarled Mr.. spoopendyke, picking up
his pie, and examining its knocks and
bumps attentively. sI thought they'd
melt when subjected to intense heat.
Anyway, The inside Of that pie is all
right, if l could only get the lid off.
Got anything I can get under the edge
and lift the roof off this business?
Gimme me that openerl Give way, nowl
Whoopl Once morel XII yahl All to-
gether, nowl Whe-e Ell There she
comesp' And the crust gave way, re-
vealing chunks of beef and apple par
ings, half cooked, and still steaming.
"I suppose your mother put in tie
spices after the hired man had wrenched
the pie open, " remarked Mrs. spoopen-
dyke, solemnly.
You do, do yean squealed Mr.. spoop-
endyke, s9uatting down and resting his
hands on his knees, while he grinned in
his wife's face. sThat lump of quick
silver you call your mind, has got around
to where it transacts the supposing bust
nesS has if2 psrana vnu dnn,A l;Ea 4La