The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-24
A MAN FAMINE.
col. PAT DOMAIN FloURIsHES THE
LANTERN OF pIooENEs.
The Plant Of q Brilliant Debutante-A
Host OF Taiior-sisde Society Fell
lows" but Real Men Are
Scarce-Weli. What?
Dakota Letter In N. Y. SUM-


Only a short time ago the bright young
daughter Of an eminent st. Louis lawyer
said TO me: aYou mockingly criticise us for
encouraging the attentions Of what you con-
temptuously style 'whippsrsnappers,
ships dudes and 'oallow goslings,' but
how can we help iti There are twenty of
these little fellows in society whore there is
one really desirable man, and il IL were not
for them we would miss many an entertain
ment that we want to attend, many an
opera and play, many u set in dancing, that
we now enjoy. But fer these very pigmies,
with their hree-hair-power mustaches.' that
you speak OF so scornfully, every girl in St
Louis would be left at home half the times
she now gets out, and would be wall
flower more than half the time when she
managed to inveigle her father or
brother into escorting her to parties and re-
ceptions. You find me plenty of those
br,ainy, cultivated, aspiring men with a
future, that you talk about, and l will find
you plenty of girls capable of appreciating
them, and ready to drop all their retinue Of
'pomatumed ships for them any time.
Bring on your real men, Trot out your
thoroughbred'."
She was only debutante, but do you
know she had nonpiussed mel l told over
all the masculine beads Of my society rosary;
took a lightning calculator inventory of all
my trousers wearing acquaintance in what
Is known as "good society," reviewed long
professions of the bifurcated ornaments Of
seaside and mountain and lakeside resorts.
of balls and routs and operate first nights;
and l had to admit that this vehement
young-girl indictment was "a true bill" All
over the country man famine prevails
We have hosts of society fellows-swells,
giddy boys-but they are hardly the kind of
husband material q sensible woman would
select, if it were not case of "Hobson's
choice" Many Of them are kind-hearted,
agreeable little creatures, disposed to do
everything in their power to earn the graft
tude of the girls, to whose enjoyment they
contribute themselves and all they have and
are. But considerable proportion Of them
are freaks of nature, only to be accounted
for when the creation of mosquitoes, feas,
mumps, and measles is explained They are
as much alike, find them where you will, as
the little Jumps of pill dough under a drug
gist's spatula There is not originality
enough in them or the tailors they patron
ize, to get up sufficient difference between
any two Of thousand Of them to recognized
under a forty -nule-power microscope.
Their physiognomies are mild burlesques on
the lap-dog family. Their shanks and feet
look like pins stuck in pumpkins.
Their clothes are all of the loudest fashion,
and their neckties flame with all the hues of
an Adirondack autumn, while life seems
with them to be perpetual struggle to see
over their collars Their faces are decor.
ated with bergamot-exhaling side whisksrs
and lip fuzz, thin and sickly. Their kid
gloves are gaudy, and their switch canes
have semi-blackguard handles, usually
copies in ivory or gold Of some ballet
dancers pirouetting pins. Ponderous chains
with horseshoe and dog head charms dangls
from their hashy vest patterns. Their Wis
ages are stupid and sensual. and their
mouths are mere expressionless CACHES, that
only open to take in oysters, cocktails, and
champagne and let cut ballroom compli-
ments, stale obscenity, and drawing oaths.
They walk with dawdling, mincing gait,
that carries a perpetual flavor of the ger
man" or the racquet" They talk with a
foreign affection, full of Jaws" and "you
knsws," and their breath is ever redolent
with whisky and cigarette tobacco.
They leer with insufferable in olence at
every woman that comes within reach Of
their weak dishwatery eyes, and comment
on "the points" of their girl acquaintance
as they do on those of horse or a speckled
female pointer pup. They laugh in their
idiotic, would-be cynical way at the idea Of
virtue, and hold that every woman has her
price. They estimate men only by tEeir
clothes and their money. They never had
or can have, an unselfish thought All their
sentiments center in their own base appe-
tites They worship no god but themselves,
aud the Hottentot fetch worshlpper has q
more respectable deity. Squeeze million
of them into one and they would not make
q real man.
And yet they are all-important factors of
our best society. No wedding ceremony is
complete without some of them as
ushers and salad annihilators No ball or
reception is perfect without a numerous
sprinkling of them to flourish their shining
patent leathered heel, only less light and
leathery than their heads, to the witching
strains of its viols and lutes. Without them
our girls would often-too sadly, awfully
often-be beauless, stay-at-h homes would
abound and wall-howers would flourish
thicker than touch-me-nots in rustic par
terres, or bachelor buttons in Dakota, where
| four-fifth of all the buttons are bachelors
buttons
What is to be donel There is cry from
| Damselonia, come and help us. In the name
Of suffering girldom, call upon our social
philosophers, pundits, and panjandrums for
. aid and counsel Where is the use
of all our nineteenth century progress
in art and science, if an inl-
proved article of society man cannot be
invented and manufactured in greater abun-
dancel What is the good of all our electric
lights or telephones, photographs, and
double track railroads from New York to
Mexico and the moon. if our girls have to
marry nobodies, or go husbandless to join
the ever swelling army of dried-up spins
| martyrsl
How can 1. without seeming mockery,
wish happy New Year." or many happy
returns" of thar birthdays, to a portion of
maidens who have let the priceless hours of
four or five or six leap years pass unprof
tied by, and are doomed to go unbeaued,
unwooed, and unwedded, save by adolescent
nonenties. Darwin's strongest witnesses for
heaven only knows how long to comet
Must our American young women still
continue to fly to the arms of their coach
men and lackeys, or waste themselves on