davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Few Reasons Why.
Washington Hatchet.

Washington Hatchetl
Why does a bucking mustang buck
Buck-cause he does
Why does a mountain look grand 2
Peak-cause il does.
Why do ragpickers ply their calling
Why, pick-cause it pays.
Why is a crowded street car never full
Be-cars-give il up.
Why are crab-apples sour: On, be-
cores they IL.
Why does the hawthorn bear fruit? Big
haws it does.
Why does the pot-house voter get
drunk? Beer cause he doesn't have 10 pay
for the drinks.
Why do mendicants solicit aims? Beg
cause-oh. well. beg-eause.
Why does ship sometimes drag her
anchor? Bic-hawser anchors too small
of course.
Why do chickens eat grain Peek
cause IL lies easy on their craws, to he sure
Why is the Capitol building admired
Big-house il Is.
Why do hogs wallow in mad-puddles
Pig-cause they have 50 little muddy-sty.
Why do dogs bark Big-curs the tan
don't way the dog.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Carl Pretzei,s Atrocities.

What is worse than raining pitchiorks
Hailing street-cars.
1t takes the exit of very large man to
make a hole in the world.
Why is the letter ID like a squalling child:
Because il makes ma mad.
Young ladies who will not marry when
they have a chance, Miss IT.
Why are large women always ugly
Because they are hardly passable.
When ignorance is bliss, ii Is folly to ask
the landlady what she puts IN the hash.
What one word will name the common
parent of both beasts and men; A dam.
What word is there of five letters that
by taking away two letters leaves but one:
Stone.
What is the difference between bee and
a donkey One gets the honey and the
other gets the whacks.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
lie Wanted n Dozen ~Steers.'
II. Louis Critic !


One of the New Mexican delegates to
the cattle convention went into Fourth
street restaurant, sat down at one OF the
tables and hung his hat on the castor.
Waiter - he shouted, ''bring me dozen
steers -
How do you want 'em ?" the trembling
waiter inquired.
Il want 'em raw, and want EN- quick.
at will take about two hours TO iill your
order, sir" said the waiter
why will 2" demanded the cattle
man.
Because we never keep as much as one
steer on hand at a time, and i will have 10
telephone TO the stock yards for them"
"Lookee here, you don't know what kind
O steers | want, do you :"
IL am afraid don't, SIR said the waiter.
What kind do you desire?'
why, want oysters, and you've got
'em, for / see 'em on the counter there
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Grant aud Napoleon.

II is the custom of all great soldiers to
visit the tomb OF Napoleon WHEN they are
in Paris. Gen. Grant was an exception 10
IKE rule. lie regarded the mighty Emperor
with horror, and during his stay IN Paris
could not be persuaded to visit the great
cnnqueror's last resting place. 1rant
viewed the First Napoleon as murderous
monster, and felt no more interest in ms
emblazoned cenotaph than he would have
felt in the sepulchre of an ordinary bri-
rand. The splendor Of the Corsicans
career failed to dazzle the plain republican
soldier. He felt only abhorrence Tor the
man who sacrificed millions 10 his lust oil
ambition and dominion. Grants opinion
Of Napoleon is significant, and throws q
flood OF light upon his own real character
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
This and That.

A Michigan couple were married one
day and divorced the next. She had bad
luck with her first pie.
A"An American Marriage" is the title of
a new play. The scenes Of the last act are
likely laid in Chicago.
There is big difference between pot
luck and Jack pot luck. There is any
amount of difference in the latter.
"Hullo, Bill. wat yer doin' these days.
''Im private night watchman. W'at'Te
you doin'?n "0h, I'm burglin', too
inquirer asks: why is it that so many
dogs have fleas ?" To be perfectly honest
we think it is because there are so many
leas
You cannot always judge mans char
acter by the clothes he wears. Sometimes
the linen is worth great deal more than
the furniture which it covers.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
CIementia's Narrow Escape from
Death.

The fair Clementia came running into
the house almost out of breath and threw
herself on the lounge.
why, what's the matter, dear" asked
her loving mother.
"Oh oh Tim nearly frightened to
death ~
What has frightened you?'
"A-a-a cow nearly hooked me to-to
death =
why, you don't tell me! When and
how did it happen, daughter"
why, II was coming along on this
side of the street, down there piece, and
and right across the street there was a
COW and when she saw me she looked
right at me and came near hookin' me-"
We'll, dear, lie down and rest. You are
only frightened. A COW couldn't hook you
clear across the street, you know"
'Oh-yes-it could, if it had horns; but
it was a moody COW, or I'd been dead now
know
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
MATER DOLOROSA.

because Of one dear infant head
With golden hair,
To m, an little heads
4 halo wear;
And for one sanity face know,
All babes are fair.
Because 81 two wide, earnest eyes
OF heavenly blue,
Which locked with yearniug gaze
Nv -ad soul through,
An eve. now ON mine own with ter"-
Whatc ere their hue.
Because of little death-marke.4 lips,
Which once did call
Nv name Ia o!aiutivc tones.
No voices fall
puu my car- ia vain appeal
From children small.
Two little hands held ia my own
Long. long ago,
Noyy cause me a. / wander throuEi.
This world OF woe.
To clasp each baby hand stretched out
Ia fear Of foe,
The lowest cannot plead IN Nainr
loved him -.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
HOW WILL II BE

when 10 soft sleep y" give ourselves away
AMI in "A dream a. In "A fairy bark
Drin on aud on through the enchahteu u'fS
r. nurnl. davbreak little thought we pay
10 ihat ". a.. bitter world We know by day.
We are o.ean quit Of II, n y "A lark
- high ia heaven 20 human eye may marx
The thin, swift piuiOn Clesving through the gray
Till we awake ill-fnte can do no al.
The resting heart shall not take up again
The heavy load that vet must make Il bleed;
For this brief space the loud world voice y
still,
No f,intest echo of Il brings us pain.
How will Il be when We shalt sleep lndeed
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
On the Safe Side.
Detroit Free Press. !

"well?" he queried as he turned around
in his chair.
"Yes, sah-I wanted to spoke to you a
minit,n replied the old man as he hung in
the door.
"All right, come in. All you are Moses. 7"
Yes, sab. Las var, de day befo' Christ
mas, you-you presented dis ole man wild
q turkey
$50 / did-so / did. i remember the
circumstance now"
"Zactly, sab. l called to say dat in
case"
''You want to know if am going to pre-
sent you with another turkey this year,
Oats bout de size of it, sah."
"Yes-um. Well, perhaps"
Oats what / reckoned on, sab, an j
was gwine to remark dat las var you for
got de oysters an crackers to stuff it wild,
an had to go an sell dat bird fur io'y
cents an put de money into pork"
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
FADED FLOW EKS.

A little ,ghile ago she held
These flowers in her hand;
A sweeter bunch there never grew
Ia all the summer land.
sha laughing, lightly 20 he- lips
Their dewy spleudor pressed
The music Of her voice J. gone,
It. melody at rect.
A little while ago her eyes.
~Oft-shiuiug sought my own.
An. such q little while Vet now
Their happy light = flown
The world may still be green and fair,
or white with winters snow,
Yet. la her absence, | forget
All but that summer glow
Tho flowers are faded, yet they speak
Uf more than summer He'd,
They speak ~ gentle grace that crowned
The dear one that = dead
Her memory i "A living rose,
My days j: perfumes ill
IT, fragrant leaves no storm can dow
Nor winter wind can chill.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
caSDuCyOR's SOLO.

From the Pirates)
When the passenger CONDUCTOR done conducting
done conducting
He loves 10 take a '-cursion TO the west,
to the .Sst.
Ana while his health and mind he's reconstruct
ing
-recon.tructing.
He ouaffs the vintage rare OF Philip Best,
Philip BesG.
He brings along his sister and his cousin
and his cousin
And NE makes the most aad merriest 81 fun.
est ofiun.
-Fakinr All considerations by the dozen
by the dozen
The conductor life j. no unhappy one.
happy one.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
CHARITY, 10y
Atty.

MRS. KATE o.. ~HEEWo ooD.
search each comrade's heart, and there,
craven with the tcudcrest care,
You Will find these letters three
Linked ia blessed trinity
Nouorcd loved. and needed well,
Euuured more than tongue can tell
Golden are they, r, e, J..
t,rcat i- this Fraternity
EruOdiug Ger the flight Of years,
Porn of love for you and me,
Born 81 battle and of tears
These are they who stood the test
When the charging columns prest-
Won the fame, aud are at rest.
charity IA gracious spell
Wrought !u days ~ doom and dread
When they stopped TO hcaTken well
What "a dying comradc said
For the wives and orphans far,
~hiyering ia the blasts Of war
For he shattered ones that are.
LOYALTY twas theirs To show
What are faith and fealty,
Upward where the buglc- Blow
Ou the nights 81 Victory
Irpward from the gloom Of night,
F,um the clamor Of the fight,
70 the blaze Of Freedom light.
Eumrudes-ye whose hearts are sealed
To the glorious trinity
We our reNerrut homage yield,
IiN the hat and bend the knee
Honor 10 whom hDnur.- due.
Honor tu the loyal Blue
Honor. love, for me and you
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Helena, Montana, Thursday, June 4, 1885.

earn and make good the deficiency. The
bargain is closed, and we are quits
In Rome, where the Castors soon arrived,
accompanied by Dobson in his character OF
6aaee. the American colony residing there
were surprised to see in the Herald the an
nouncement of the approaching union be-
tween the houses of Castor and Dobson.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
a Pointer ON Child Raising.
Rochester Democrat

was walking up Elm street the other
day when noticed boy, about years old,
playing IN a yard. He Was all bundled up,
and was abou. twenty feet away from the
porch of the house. He couldn't 60 any
further, as he had ON kind OF a harness
made Of red flannel straps, and a rope
fastened TO post of the porch was tied to
it. You see, all his mother had TO do when
she wanted him was to pull in on the rope.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
a BABY BAltkIS.

Isn't il windy" says the baby.
Pa II busy, therefore rough,
Let Il blow" he answered sharply
Till it, blown and blown enough.
RAby's silent for a second;
Then she SAYS, Its raining pa
Let IL rain, he answers oru-quely'
Il was going TO, papa
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Wonan's Fortitude.


Woman-bless her bright eyes-can en-
dure physical suffering with more fortituds
than the strongest man, and she can miss
train without filling the depot with words
that don't sound nice; but she can't pass
milliner's window or a hair store without
stopping to feast her eyes and wondering
why she didn't come TO town with gold
spoon in her mouth.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04
Where a Woman Expects Too Much.
Isomeryille journal. !

NsIIntfNfIIE JuuIUti.I
Woman is herself creature OF intuition,
as every boiy will admit. but that's no rea-
son why she should sally out on the street
with a thick drab veil-lrawn over her face
away down b her chin and then expect
every male being of her acquaintance she
meets to recognize her half block away.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04

Bleachei hair is doomed, and the unfortun-
ate, who have lately acquired growth VIII
lie accused of bad taste AMI considered out
of the pale Of fashionable society. Reddish
blonde, known as Titan red red browns
and delicate auburn are in constant demand.
Black and dark browns can easily be given
the desired shade. but the bleached blondes
will have to single off their faded crop and
grow a natural one, ami meanwhile wear
wig or take sd vantage Of the Jockey" mode.
Helena weekly herald., 1885-06-04

longings. these cravings which had for
months consumed her heart.
Against this love. 30 il seemed to Lizzie,
ne maintained an opposing indifference,
and displayed an air of security like a
basilisk, who having charmed small bird,
awaits to devour II. at his good pleasure.
This bird he would not he. lie should find
himself deceived in this confident security,
and thus. when without sufficient pream-
bic as Lizzie thought, he abruptly made
his offer, there burst forth the long smould-
ering flame of passion and anger which
Lizzie expressed, as we have seen, IN her
own peculiar manner.
After this e5entfal morning Lizzie was
even paler than before, her lips Eiore firmly
compressed, and her manner more distant
and naughty. Her father would gladly
have welcomed John Dobson as his son-in-
law He knew nothing of the particulars
of the rejection from either the rejected
suitor or his daughter, although he sus-
pected the true position OF affairs, and one
day thus approached the subject:
"Dob>on comes no more 10 our house,
he said 10 Lizzie you must have had a
quarrel
Why should we quarrel said Lizzie,
with icy coldness.
He Is an honorable, noble, wealthy man,
whom would have preferred to all Others
as your husband, he said, with more feel
ing than he usually displayed.
He has mole on his left cheek re-
sponded Lizzie, flippantly.
1T is not the mole that parts you, he
said. looking steadily at his daughter, with
keen. penetrating eyes. 1T il not like you
10 reject man like Dobson, because of a
mole 1t is the vanity and arrogance OF
your stubborn heart, which prompts your
refusal of so noble man. You make your
self unhappy" continued the sharp-sighted
father. 1t grieves me for your own sake
a. well as that of Dobson.'
Thereupon father and daughter spoke no
more of the matter. Mr.. Castor, however
maintained outside his own home a more
intimate friendship with the rejected suitor
than ever before, and as for Dobson he was
a. unrutiied and appeared a well contented
with the world and himself as formerly.
And Lizzie? Could one have glanced
into the depths of her heart, they would
have seen beneath her apparent pride and
coldness. hot fire of love smouldering be
meath the waves OF despair and regret
which tossed her soul-vain regrets for the
lost love Of one whose worth she now began
To recognize; whose manly, dignified, re-
nunciation, and fidelity, Tor he approached
no other woman, compelled her respect
and strengthened the passion which she
would gladly have thrust from her.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05
FINE STOCK SALE
Short HOun-Duke of Ar
derry and Rose Sharon
Grades.

I will sell at my farm northwest quar-
ter section 16, town 3, range 49, in
Philipsburg township, to the highest
bidder, on
SATURDAY, Sept. 26th, 1885,
at 10 olock, a. m, the following de-
scribed stock: Fifty head of cows,
heIfers, and calves, including bulls
Some of this stock received premiums at
the Phillips county fair, in 1884, as fol-
lows;
One red and white cow, four years
Old-frst premium.
One roam bull, three years old-frst
premium.
One red COW, two years old-frst
premium
One red COW, two years old-second
premium.
One red COW, three years old and over
second premium.
One red bull calf, one year old-frst
premium.
TERMS OF SALE Three months time
will be given, with approved security
and legal interest. Five per cent off
for cash.
a29-4w P. G. S. LOWE.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

The Directors of the Phillips County
Agricultural and Mechanical AssOcia-
ton met at the Office Of the secretary,
September 2nd, 1885. Called to order
by ID. c.. Clark, president.
D. I. Smith made report as to cost of
lumber for a grand-stand- Report &C
cepted and it was decided to build a
grand-Stand 20x64 feet.
Lee Scrivener. E f. Hughes and o.
D. Harmon were appointed building
committee.
The contract for building the grand
stand was. on motion, awarded to j
n CrOsier.
On motion adjourned.
j w. LOWE, See'y.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

In another place in this issue VIII be
found an opea letter from Ritner
Smith. present Register Of Deeds Of
Phillips county. declining to be a can
didate for the same position, for a third
term. Mr.. Smith has made splendid
officer, serving the people Of this county
faithfully and eourteously, and many
Of his friends VII regre t to see him step
down and out. Yet, und er the circum-
stances, we cannot help bat admire his
course. Mr.. Smith, Ike many other
good citizens, believes that two terms
is sufficient for one man, and when the
people have favored him to that extent,
he believes it to be his duty to grace
fully retire and give some other worthy
man a chance. Experience has shown
that it is not for the best interests Of
the re publican party to encourage the
barnacle business, and should the other
parties form an alliance this fall, it
stands the republicans Of this county in
hand to make up a ticket composed of
men, against whom there can be no OBJ
lection or shadow of reproach. As we
said before, we cannot help but feel
that Mr.. Smith has taken a manly
course.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

Buy your jewelry at the Post Office.
For farm loans call on VIM Bissell. If
Books, albums and fancy goods at
H. c. Spaulding's
Three guests OF the county arc now
registered on the jail docket.
Mrs. II. H. Nash returned last
Thursday from her visit to Iowa.
A fine organ for sale on reasonable
terms. Inquire at the HERALD office d.
Chains, charms, lockets, bracelets,
&c. &c. at H. c. spaulding's.
Several land hunters have been Skin
mishing around town this week.
All kinds of Land business will be
promptly attended to at this office.
Bring your big pumpkins, squashes
ana other products to the Fair.
For renewal of Gilbert & Gay loans,
call on VIM. Bissen. If
If you wish to make final proof on
your land, call at this Office.
A good COW for sale on easy terms.
Inquire at this office.
Let your boys have a holiday and
bring them to the Fair,
For 10 west rates on farm loans apply
at the Office of G. A. Spaulding. s5tf
When you get ready to apply for a
farm loan 60 to the Citizens Bank If
II, c, spauldings is headquarters
for fine jewelry.
A good set of second hand carriage
harness for sale cheap, enquire at the
HERALD Office.
Miss May Nash has been engaged to
teach a two months term of school
in Iowa
E. Pendeu has a sample picture in
the post Office that shows fine execu-
tion in charging.
While not always the policy to mort
gage your farms, still if you must, let
G. A. Spaulding accommodate you. s5ti
For SALE,-A few more Low Down
Binders on long time at G. w. Young &
Co.'S. j4tf
w. II. Boughton, of Belmont town
ship, was in town this week shaking
hands with his numerous friends.
For bilious fevers and malarial dis
orders. use Ayers Ague Cure. Taken
according to directions, its success is
guaranteed.
The Citizens Bank wants good appli
cations for farm loans, and will fill al
such on short notice, If
Do you want a good SCHOOL, Go tc
Baker University. See advertisement
in another column.
We want to buy brood sows and
stock. Inquire at Phillips County
Bank. ie13f
The Citizens Bank can put a mort
gage plaster on your farm with neatnes.
and dispatch. aug15-tf
Editors c. J. Lamb and A. q. Nc
Bride, also S. II. Bradley Esq, all o
Kirwin, were in the county seat thi
week on business.
Blue-stem grass eight feet in heigh
is quite plentiful in tins county Thu
season, in fact the buffalo grass is al
most a thing OF the past.
Persons who have Gilbert and Ga,
loans maturing can have the same re
newed on advantageous terms by call
ing on VIM. Bissell. 2w
Do you want to buy farmP Do yol
want to sell a farm? Then by all mean
call at the Citizens Bank and be mad
happy. If
Do not forget to save your best pro
ducts for the Fair. Let as show tn
world thas Phillips county surpasse
them ali.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05
Land Omce a Kirwin Kan.as.


1886 September LIST. 1885.
Notice s hereby given that the follovimg-n AIMED
settler has fled notice of his intention to make
fEal p:oof in suppOt OF his claim, and that said
proof viii be made before Clerk District Court or
Probate Judge at PhllIipsburg, Kansas, on October
18th, viz: T. E. CARNEY,
DIS 1880, for the AZ sea and sex sex section q,
town 3, range II. He names the fOllOWingi wit
nesses to prove his continuous residence upon, and
cultivation of said land, viz: Cornelius II alley,
Ge0.W. Whitney. VIM. Post and p. ". Northern,
OF Phiuipsburgs Kansas.
JOHN BIssELL, Register
VIM. Bisseu, atty. sep-5
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05
Land once at Ei-win, Kansas.
September 2nd. 1885.

9a42 September 2nd. 1885.
Notice is hereby given that the following-nam-
e5 settler mas fled notice Of his intention TO MAKE
dnI proof in support of his claim, and that said
proof viii be made before the Register or Receiver
at Kirwin, Kansas, on October 10Th. 1885, viz:
JAMES PETE SON,
HE I4443, for the section 10, town 2 range 16.
He names the following witnesses to prove his
continuous residence upon, and cultivation Of said
land, viz Chris Jensen, of Pleasant Green, Kan,
Mm. Il. Morgan, Of New Hope. Kan Levi
HeutOn, of Matteson, Kansas, and Emmett Webb
of Germantown Kansas.
JOHN BIssELL, Register.
CD Lamb, atty. sep-5
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

In the District Court of Phillips County, in the
state of Kansas
In the matter OF the apph-
cation OF William Dawson
by VIM q. Dawson his NOTICE
next friend, for the rights
Of majority.
Notice is hereby given that William Dawson, by
his next friend, VIM. g. Dawson, VIII on the 25Lh
Of September 1875 file his petition in the District
Court OF Phillips County State Of Kansas, praying
Tor the rights OF rnaioriry. that the sad petition
VIII be heard at the next regular term OF the said
court, and on the FIRST day thereof or as soon
thereafter rs the same can be heard
WILLIAM DAWSON
By his next friend, William G. DAWSON
ceo. VI. Stfuson. Att'v- for Petitioner. E345
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05
Land once 1t H-irwin Kansas.


$40 Sept 1st, 1855.
Notice fs hereby given that the foIowiug-uEln-
81 settler has He'd notice his intention TO make
final proof in support Of his claim, and that said
proof VIII be made before Register or Receiver AZ
EirEin, Kan. on Oct 18th, lSe5s VIZ:
REHECCA NORTHERN,
widow Of E. n Northern deceased Id 1872 ioE
The VIZ swL neH sWE and nWtE sex section is
town 8, range II. lie names the following 8 T
uesses 10 prove his continuous residence upon ana
cult5ratfoa OIL said land, Wis o. GarVeEs Geo.
whitney, Chas- whitney and P " Northern Ok
PhihPsburg, Kan JOHN bL4aELis
Dan carlos 9 Son. AhyE. g Register
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

We baYe made the offer, and now
take occasion to renew 1t, of giving
a years subscription to the HERALD to
the party furnishing US the largest and
finest stalk of corn. And in this con
nection we would gently whisper that
our democratic friend, Rumbaugh,
confidently expects to walk off with
the prize.
List of letters remaining in the Phil
Iipsburg post-ohice. not called for Sept.
LIST, 1885: Walter Brown, G. A Cole,
Robert Foster. G. W . Ferguson, Henry
Wolf, and " j. Palmer. Persons call
ing for above letters will please say ad-
vertised. H. G, SPAULDING,
Postmaster.
We publish the peculiar announce
ment of Charles Bowen, of Plainview
township, this week, and although it is
of rather a unique character, it viii
probably meet with favor among
certain class.
For SALE.-Three good COWS, one
span of mares and colt. one set of
harness and one wagon. This property
will be sold cheap if taken within ten
days. Inquire OF Frank Mckay, Phillips
burg, Kansas. If
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-09-05

We are authorized TO announce the name Of Mr..
]. d. MattCsOu OF crystal town ship, as candidate
Tor the office of heriff of Phillips cOuaty, subject
70 the action OF the Republican county conveu ton