Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-01-15

all at his house. and brought away with
me-despair, He examined no part of
the body but the region of the heart,
and treated the head symptoms as only
secondary. Shall / ever forget how
deity his little white fingers glided
over other parts of my chest and set
tied on the region of the heart! Here
is where your trouble is, he said; 3
little enlargement of the right side
nothing to signify" / heard his in
structions and received his prescription,
kindly rendered, like one in dream.
Ali doubt was now at an end. every ray
of hope banished; was literally con-
demned TO death. 81 take an interest
in your case" he said, land will watch
it" / thanked him for formaiity's
sake, although his words brought me
about as much comfort as they would
have done spoken by q hangman
to the wretch he would soon have
to operate on officially. 1t was
as though he had said: Go home and
die. NV boy; I'll have much pleasure in
watching the symptoms and duly re-
cording them for the benefit of the pro-
fession." 1 dragged myself YEARLY
back to the railroad depot, but felt no
longer the slightest interest in any
thing that was happening around me.
/ was in the world, but no longer OF the
world. Not until had reached home
and retired for the night did begin to
feel the whole horror of my situation.
Now it was the awful uncertainty of
the kind of death / should die that hurt
me most / knew / should die Enger-
ingly and in the full possession of my
senses. feeling the ebbing of my heart S
pulse and counting my latest breath.
As to any future state, / had no hope at
all. had lost all belief in the exist
ence of beneficent Creator. l be-
lieved in the doctrine of chance, and
looked upon the existence of soul as
mere poetry and romance. / felt quite
convinced that nothing could exist in
dependent of matter: that height and
depth. and up and down. the points of
the compass, weight, sight and sound,
thought itself. and every principle or
so-called fundamental truth. had no
existence in the abstract. or beyond
an earth. l believed in the after ex-
istence for the merely material part of
my body, but that would be sublunary.
Matter can not die, reasoned. and l
shall live again-live again in the sun
ny air. in the dew that distils from the
clouds-lve again in trees in flowers,
and. perhaps, in some other form of
animal life, and here, amid all my
gloomy specuiations, came the ridicu-
lous thought: 81 shouldn't like TO be
centipede, though, nor a beetle, nor
anything creepy" For what was
life but change? What was change but
motion the result of force. force heat
in another form? And what was heat?
So scared away. and got lost in the
realms of the abstruse. But it will be
thus seen that there was no alteration
of intellect. no wandering of hallucina-
ton. The brain was clear, though in
a high state of exaltation, and nv rea-
SON was similar to and the conclusions
arrived at the same as those of many
schools of philosophy-notably those
of Germany. And now there began to
dawn in my mind feeling from which
I at first recoiled with horror. / con-
stantly saw in the distance the dread
necessity of suicide, for the time |
knew would soon come when / could
bear no more. As further source of
comfort to me my medical adviser had |
given me little book, of which he was !
the author-a book on disease of the |
right side ofthe heart, and which de- |
scribed very infinitely the different /
modes of exit from this world specially |
prepared for the poor wretches so at |
fiicted. This book was bible to me for |
many days. The easiest style seemed |
TO be to live all your life with contin- |
ual congestiye headache. and expire |
some fine morning in fit. Then there /
was sudden death by heart cramp or /
paralysis. Oh. it was a merry volume, |
For the first fortnight in December /
never less than five drains of the hy- /
drate of choral was my nightly dose !
From the time l arose in the morning |
my sutferings We're extreme. / had j
now lost all power of reading, writing
Dr. speaking aloud. any attempt to do |
either was excruciating brain agony,
and if persevered in fainting followed. /
could hardly move my head from the
pillows or sit erect, while nv eyes
seemed starting from their sockets if /
attempted to walk. But toward night
well. if all of mental, all of bodily
l ever have endured in nv
life could be compressed into one hour,
t would not exceed the torment / then
Every vein in my body
seemed swollen to double the size and
along the whole length. while
he restlessness was so distressing that
could not lie for five minutes in any
me position. Add to this that time
eemed indefinitely long-minutes as
hours and hours as days-and you will
ave some faint notion of my experience
# the grand remedy for sleeplessness
hat had no after effects
Then came day when my landlady
ook fright and went of her own accord
or a medical man to come and see me.
was worse that day than ever 1 had
cen. This gentleman hardly stopped
minute with me, and as he went out L
card him say to the landlady: You
ught to have sent for me before
Teeks ago. He can't last many hours +;
ow-" So, then, it had come at last .
was almost face to face with the grim
nemy. went quietly to bed and took I
~ choral. The doctor was to come
t ten in the morning and L was anx-
,usly awaiting his arrival He came ]
t last. The first thing he did was to
lance up at the windows to see if the
linds were down. and think he was j
that they were not did
OF like this man, and lay perfectly |
ill, with closed eyes. when he came j
l. He felt my pulse gently enough,
nd then stood looking at me for few {
loments with his hands in his pockets. I
what you win put in my c
cath certificate, eh, doctor?'' said /,
pening my eyes" Il am he re-
lied, bluntly. Then" said I, ..here
the verdict-felo de Sc. Now, good V
We; can't bear talking" He went :
way accordingly, thinking. no doubt,
was slightly distracted Hardly '