Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-07-30

er is very poorly paid for his wearisone
work of ffnparting wisdom to his pupils,
if many of his pupils are like the one de-
scribed in the following dialogue.
The boy found it difficult to understand
simple arithmetic: .uy faEy
Teacher: "Suppose, Fritz, you have a
stocking on one foot, and you put another
stocking on the other foot"
Fritz: "Inever wear no stockings"
Teacher: 'Suppose your father has one
pig in pen, and he buys another pig, and
puts it in the pen, how many pigs will there
be in the pen?"
Fritz: "Dad don't keep pigs"
The teacher blew a heavy sigh from his
tired lips, wiped the perspiration from his
scholastic brow, and went at it again with
renewed courage.
''Suppose, Fritz, you have one jacket, and
at Christmas your father makes you pres
ent of another jacket, how many jackets
will you have then 2" ....
Fritz: "He amt that kind of father.
He never give me nothin' for Christmas"
''Suppose your mother gives you one ap.
pie, and you have one already, what will
you have then ?"
Fritz: "stomachache. Our apples are
cookin' apples"
The teacher was not the man to be dis
couraged by trifles. He began to suspect
that Fritz was not we'll up in arithmetic,
but he resolved to make one more effort, so
he said:
''Fritz, if a poor little beggar boy has a
cake, and you give him one more cake,
how many will he have ?'
Fritz: II dunno, eat my own cakes"
Then the teacher told the children to 60
out and play.-Ieras SJtings.
HE WANTED THE EARTH.-Cady Her
rick tells good one of a scamp who was
arraigned at the last term of the Court OF
amy. Having no defense, the fellow plead
ed guilty, and in response to the query OF
the Court as to what he had to say in mitiga-
tion of his offense, he replied:
II want good, liberal, easy sentence. l
pleaded guilty and saved the county the
expense Of trial, and ought to be let down
easy"
''How many wives did you say he had
married ?" the Judge inquired, turning to
Herrick.
"Four," replied that gentleman.
Goodness Graciousw exclaimed the
Judge, should think he had been punish
ed we'll enough all ready"
eyes, indeed" replied Herrick with the
air of man who knew whereof he spoke,
and which carried conviction with it; she
has been pretty we'll punished"
'"rhat .being the case," responded the
Judge, 1--WE will deal leniently with him
Prisoner, you are sentenced to the Albany
Penitentiary for the term of one year."
"Thanks, your honor. The sentence meets
mith my approval and suits me to a tee,
and it ought to-" he remarked to bystand.
er. 81 could have got five years, but got
one off for every wife. Why, if | had mar
ried five I'd been acquitted; ; but I'll call the
turn next trip" and he went philosophical
ly to prison-ADany Express.
pg-" "Mamma," inquired Bobby, "do on
ly good little boys go up to Heaven"
"And bad little boys go to the bad place p
eyes"
s'I'm a good little boy, amt I?''
sometimes, Bobby, and sometimes yor
are quite bad boy"
Bobby thought for a moment and said
"Then I s'pose I'll have to spend part o
the time in one place, and part of the time
in the other"
nss- A critic dropped into studio in Pari
one day, stopped before a portrait of lad!
on the the easel, and remarked, "But why
did YOU take such an ugly model" 1T il
nv mother" calmly replied the artist
"Oh, pardon-a thousand times" said tn!
critic in great confusion; "you are right,
ought to have perceived it. The resem
blance is quite striking"