The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-09-12
For THR AKKAKeAw TRAvKlRR.
 AUNT ROXY'S OPINION.
BY AUNT ROXY.

read in your paper 'tother day sum.
 thin bout New England pie. Now I'd
 like t know what that are gals got agins'
 New Englanders, that she should impose on lem, by writin' sich piece as that
 It mout be she has been pizened some time O ruther, with sumthin' an laid Ii to pie. Mebbe it's COZ she don't know
 how to make 'em, an thinks nobody else does. She says, It must have been a woman that invented such toothsome comestible Of course twas. Hain', it ben said that "the nearest way to man $ heart winds around his palate p an ain't a woman smart enough to invent sumthin' that's goin' to git there? An if "straw- berry pie" reaches the pint the quickest, why, then, that woman that invented it ought to be sot down as the smartest pie inventor of the world. She also says that she ain't christian enough to forgive her. Now that woman saw that it was agreeable to the palate and without see. ing the result" must have gin the writer S husband piece ont.
 Further on l read: "But think one or two, into whom had entered the largest evil spirit, must have survived and be- come the progenitors of all the race which has cursed the human family since that day" The last clause in Matthew 8, B, reads "And behold the whole herd ran violently down steep place and perished in the waters"
 So, 'cordin' to hist'ry, not one of that devilish swine was left to cuss the human family, arter all
 |" If philosophers would visit any New England farm they would discover the cause of the decadence of that race with out the use of their eyes, their nasal or gans would guide them directly to fra grant pig pen.'"
 Now, think if they would keep right along by the "pig pen" to base ball grounds, the boat, bisickle an hoss races, an to close offices, shops, skatin' rinks an midnight 'musements, they'd find more cause there than on a healthy farm round "pig pen."
 I'd jest like ter ask her to compare the number of cases of consumption between the healthy "swine eating" farmers, with them that's shet up in brick walls in the city eatin' bakers vlct'als, made out O alum, ammonia an all sich, an stale fruit and vegetables, an western beef and sluff that ain't fit for the dogs, some ont. An some O them same nasal orgins hang in over filthy seW CTS, an arter she d summed up the hull ont, guess she'd find the swine eaters hild out the iony- est, an that there want so many that died with it nuther.
 There is nutber she said that farely made my blood bile, an that was that a woman wasted sich a lot O time durin' the week makin' pies, but p'r'aps she ain't |, blame fur sayin' that, for mebbe she wuz brung up where wimmin can't do but one thing to time, and then sets down and waits 'tlll that gifts done. If she was, then she don't know how much good helthy "swine eatin'" New Englander can do while she has an oven full O pies bakin'. Nor how quick them pies will dijest when ct by a good, stout farmer, that goes right out hoein', plowin', or hayin. But et he should eat 'em an go out an set on the verandy an smoke half a dozen cigars an stop down town aL' gi, a whisky punch, or glass O lager, an set in hot close office the rest O the afternoon, why, then, spose if he felt bad, 'twould be the pig in the pie.
 Now you let good, he'lthy country girl eat piece O pie sich as New Eng land farmers wives know how to make, with light fisky crust, and then "wslk up and down the kitchen foor," doin house work, an dressed according to her work.
 Then let city shop, or sewing girl lace herself up so tight she can't eathe and eat sich piece as only city bo'rdin' house keeper makes, an then go into shop or store, an stan in about three feet O space, rigged up in all the oncom fortable riggin's that was ever invented, an which on 'em do ye think would be doctorin' fer dyspepsia fust? An would the hull cause be the pig in the pie?
 That family that had pie fer bre.kfas dinner, supper, an twixt meals, was it the pig in the pie, or in themselves, eatin' so open? l should think any stomach would rebel against bein' stuffed every half hour in that fashion exclaim with the writer.
 How long, o. Lord. how long ere the people learn wisdom ?" ere they pu,