The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1885-04-24
wIT AND HUMOR.

i
The Zuni Indians have smoked Gig
arettes for 100 years.
Everybody b on the..make now. II
Il either make n,oney or make an as
Segment. - Bloonsington Eye.
A medical writer says anything that
will make person snceze will cure the
hiccoughs. Snuff said. st. Paul Her.
aid.
The small boy who wants to be an
angel finds himself checked at every
turn. Now he can't ride on the omni-
bus steps any more. Boston Globe.
wife. did you bring your opera
sse H." .sWhy notP" "Oh, left
my diamond ring at home. - Boston
Beacon.
How snybody could shoot O'Dono-
van Rosa without hitting his jaw Is
one Of those mysteries that overcome
Us Ike . summer cloud. Florida
Times Union.
How do you pronounce s-t-i-n-g-yp"
asked the teacher Of the Ounce OF the
class. The boy replied: ut depends
good deal on whether the word re-
fers to person or bee. "-Proridence
NesOs. -,gg7 ...
An exchange prints an, article head
ed do Hogs Payp" Some hogs do
not. There are number of that class
In this city who owe newspapers, print
ing-ofices, and eysry other shop they
can owe; but they don't pay, those
hogs don't.-San Antonio Times
"Are you out In society this winter,
Mrs. Crimsonbeaka" asked an acquaint-
ance, meeting her In the milliner's.
"Oh, yes, replied the lady, admiring
an ostrich fip;"Mrs. Fussanfeather. and
are both out. We don't speak, you
know. - Honkers Statesman.
A patent medicine advertisement
propounds the startling question: "Do
you know why your liver fails to aotp"
We do. Our liver has no legs to dis
play In fascinating tights, and does not
yearn for the applause Of the multitude
or the triumphs Of the stage. Through
Mail. -, -......''
$50 you didn't succeed very we'll
with your school In lllinoisp' mo; !
had to give II up at the end of tho first
month. !" "Did you use the blackboard
muchp" mo. It was too large. But
used all the other furniture about the
room that wasn't nailed down. IN
Y Graphic.
A bright wife whose husband had
contracted club fever hit upon bril-
liant scheme recently. She procured q
partly.worn gentleman's glove and left
It on the parlor sofa when she retired,
after sitting up until IL o'clock for her
lord. He does not 90 out in the even
ing now.-Troy Times.
Charlie, You seem downcast What's
upp" Just lost . hundred" "How2"
II bet 800 with Simpson that Jenkins
would say, It's cold. amt itp' when we
met him." "Well, what did jenkins
sayp" "Why, the internal ass said:
We'll, is this cold enough for your
Just lost by hair, You see."
Miss Roseleaf (who is trying to force
. conyersation)-What do you suppose,
Mr.. Van Noodle, makes our hostess
reception so invariably stupidP Mr..
Van Noodle-Aw. WEAKLY, haven't q
ghost of ideaw. Miss Rand all the
other gentlemen are very much like
you. Yes. that must be the reason.
A student at the University of Texas
being short of funds wrote to his faith
or in Galveston: "Send me 800 by
return mail. He who gives quickly
gives double. The old gentleman re-
piled by the next mail, Enclosing $50
with the remark that as he had re-
sponded promptly the $50 inclosed was
equivalent to the desired $100.-4erds
SJtings.
Henrietta. dearp" Eyes, ma"
from the daughter at the door parting
from her sweetheart, who is just kiss
ing her good night. Tell George to
look out for the paint" George does
not kiss her again. Henrietta thinks it
is real mean Of her mother to give her
away, until she remembers that the
front gate has just been newly painted.
San Francisco Chronicle.
We hear many complaints OF hard
times, but really the Granger is gliding
along easily, and we would have no oc-
casion to call for money had we not de-
cided to build $4,000 residence this
spring, and we lack just 1857 of hav-
ing enough to complete the house, but
as soon as this amount comes in we
will be all right, and we are not COM
planning as 1t is.-Nen,aha (Neb.)
Granger.
"Why. Caroline. aren't you ashamed
Of yourselfp" exclaimed mother, en-
tering the parlor, and addressing her
daughter. "Your poor father has only
been dead three weeks, and here You
are playing on the piano." Hes
been dead longer than that, nav. He
died on the second. so you see he's
been dead four weeks" That's
fact" said the mother. go ahead.
declare my memory Is failing me-.
Arkansaw Traveller.
First College Man--"Have you heard
the awful news about Princeton?"
Second College Man "Princetoni
Great Caesar! Hasn't burned down, has
itpp mo, not exactly; but it has
withdrawn from the rowing associa-
tion." "Oh! Well, that's not so bad.
Such step was absolutely necessary
in order to give the students a fair
chance, you know" "a fair chancep"
Eyes, IL is simply impossible for an ed
ucational institution to do full Justice
to rowing. without actually neglecting
base ball.
another big failure" said Smith, as
he opened his morning paper "A big
failurep' queried his spouse. Yes.
A firm in Holland, who were engaged
In the wholesale sugar trade, have
failed for 81, 0O0, 00O.n "Is It posi-
ble!'' exclaimed Mrs. Smith. THE re-
cent reduction In the price of sugar
caused their failure, didn't itP' "I
don't know" said Smith. 81 guess
the reason Of their failure was because
the weather was too cold for anybody
to dig sand"
"Seen that cut the Pennsylvania
roads made to Chicagoa" asked the
Financial Tramp Of the tramp in the
Palace Box-Car-''$1 for q thousand
miles. That's one mill milem "It's
going TO do great harm to business"
dolefully responded the Box-C Car tramp.
"Sure az you live, replied the Finan-
cial tramp. The cadging and hand
out industries will feel II severely.
Who's a-going TO work at trampins@
with railroads ct q mill miler'-PittS-
burg Chronicle.
Rejoice with me, my beloved wife,"
he cried. as he entered the house, ''re-
joice with me; have secured the POI
sitlonv" "What. as cashier of the
Ninety-ninth National Banke" Eyes,
my love. Ienter upon my duties to-
morrow morning." "How NIGEL" she
exclaimed, as she kissed him. II will
start tomorrow morning" Start!
Start where!' she cried in amazement
"For Montreal, Of course. I mean to
look out for nice house. I'm not go
ing to stay In any hotel when we 20
there - Rosso,a Cou,ier