The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-01-27
HOT WEATHER IN PIKE.
a Topic About Which the Old Settler
and the Squire Differ.
AstOnished az the SquIre's COntParI.
ness-The Intense Heat of a
Summer ssWhen Was
RoY.3
New York Sun.1

Il was evening, on the back stOop of the
tavern, in the present hot spell. The
thermometer stood at 80 degrees Some
body came along and remarked that it was
hot The county clerk opened his eyes
and looked YEARLY at the speaker. The
sheriff glanced wistfully at club th"t lay
near him, but he made no effort to reach
out and use It. The big dog on the stoop
turned up one eye and growled. The ex-
poundmaster relaxed slightly his semi
somnolescent attitude, and said, with no
trace of anger or malice, but much Of
"Aha, boYsl" said the Old Settler, rub
bing his hands. "Its like regeneratip'
sperrit, b'gosh, to feel some giniwine ole
ortumn weather peelin of itself fur bust
ness wunst more, hain't it?"
The boys knew the Old Settler. No one
spoke word. No one seemed to hear
him. He looked around. Evidently No
one intended TO dissent from his estimate
of the weather. The pleased expression
left his face. He looked thoughtful
Suddenly his face frightened again He
seemed to catch a ray of hope.
The Squire hain't ben an gone already,
has he, boys?" said he; cause if he has,
loppin' along, prayin' to hisself, III bate,
cause the 'tarnal hot summer ez we've had
has got up an scooted.
Sure enough, there the Squire came, his
coat off, his shirt-sleeves rolled up his hat
In one hand, while he mopped his face
with his bandanna. The Old Settler looked
more than pleased. The Squire wilted
down in q chair like lettuce-leaf under
hot vinegar.
"W-h-e-wl" said he. wall, Major. I've
see some tol'able weather in my time. I
think, takin' it hot an cold eZ it runs, from
Janiwary to July and from July to Jani-
wary, but if this don't plump the bulls
eye a leetle slicker than any hot weather
that ever tackled me afore, then I'm Oddly
dod-durned from way back.
"Hot?n exclaimed the Old Settler-and
you'd have sworn he was really astonished
>-"Hot? hope We don't call this hot
weather, Squirrel Here's me an M'riar
kfVerin' up our dower-b ev'ry night to
keep 'em from bein' fetched with frost, an
here's you a-hollerin' bout its bein' hoti
Squire, burned if / don't think you're get
tim leetle cracked. 1 do, b'goshl"
81 may be gettin' a leetle cracked,
Major, replied the Squire, an you may
be hverin' up yer aower-beds fur fear o
frost, or We may be lynn, jist which ye
please, with bets in favor o. the lynn, but
this is the fust hot weather / ever see. II
Gumpin' hain't twisted the equator way
from Cuby and dropped it down onter
Pike county, then We kin bile mel"
Squire, said the Old Settler, remon-
strativelY, whats the use O. your bein'
SO consumed contrary? l don't mean no
Tense, but, b'gosh, We make yersef pooty
clus onter disagree'ble, sometimes. Now,
If I'd come an sot down here an said it
was hot. you'd right up an pooh;poohed,
an said Sumpin bout yer haV1n had
durn notion O. putin Cd yer overcoat fore
ye left hum, an was sorry ye hadn't, or
some other piece o. contrairiness.
Then ye allus seem to wanter
pick a quar1 Here l sot, an
want sayin' consumed word
bout the weather, an up you bounces an
begins at me bout it's bein' hotl Then.
cause don't fall in with your contrairi.
ness, but sticks up for it's bein bracin' an
insiniwatin ortumn weather, which it is.
then ye get mad an say I'm lynn. Wall,
kin Jess tell we, bgosh, Squire, that I
hain't agointer resk my hower-beds jist
cause you say it's hot. not by long shot,
Z hain't, an We kin like it or lump it,
bgosht'lmighty, whichever ye durn
pleased"
Flower bedsl" exclaimed the Squire.
"Who cares fur yer 1ower-beds? l don't
care a hair outn mules tail for 'eml Ya
kin kiver 'em an onkiver 'em, an kivef
'em aginl An We kin go right hum now
and Hver 'em if ye want to. Nobody's
holdin' ofy But ye can't set thar an
face me down that Il hain't hotl Ye never
see It SO hot, an We know it'll Look at the
fh'mom'terl Look at the th'mom'ter,
with the ball on it heated so ye can't beat
yer finger on 1t, an then say it amt hotl
You make me sick, Maiorln
II don't care fur no th'mom'terl" eX-
claimed the Old Settler. "D'ye s'pose Tine
gointer let thing like that, ez can't do
nothin' but hang Onter a post, pick out
weather fur me? Wall, b'gosh, mol We
mad little weather, ] guess, fore th'mom'-
tiers comes out, an we'd lev some more
weather if ev'ry on 'em SE creation should
burst an th, couldn't no Ezore get made,
The idee, anyhow, o. folks b'lievin' that
all the weather ez comes along has to pass
through them durn things fore we kin
know how hot it is or how cold it isl
know when weather'S hot, think. ! kin
member one summer when / was boy
it was SO hot that we had to keep
the rippinist kind o. big fires agoin' in the
house all the time to cool off the air, II
bein' so durn much hotter'n the fires wasl
Why, twas common thing that summer
fur folks ez was travelin' to stop at housen
long the roads an asst If they could please
come in an set by the fire an get cool.
Il makes me colder'n / act'lly feel tonight
to think o. some o. the hot weather kin
smember. B-r.r-r-rl Th'll be frost tonight,
sartin, an"
The county clerk got up and walked in
side. The boys and the Squire trailed
after him. The Old Settler edged in. rub
bing bis hands. Everybody but the Old
Settler ordered it with ice. He was game
to the last
Bartender, said he, make me hot
scotch.