The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-08-13
WIT AND HUMOR.


And they crowded their way through the soil
with pride
"Hurrah! We are going to be mushrooms"
they cried.
But the sun came up. and the sun shone
down,
And the little white heads were shriveled and
brown;
Long were their faces, their pride had fall
They were nothing but toadstools after ALL
st. Nicholas.
1t is alleged that there is mes
senger-boy in this city so slow that his
shadow falls asleep while he is walking.
Boston Post.
An American claims that the north
pole is the site of the Garden of Eden.
Then Ewes preference of figs over seal
skin is explained; they cost more and
had to be imported.
A young Boston lady writes to the
Boston Post: "How should young
man kiss mep" No young man will
kiss Boston girl at all unless he wish
es to freeze to death.
A girl masquerading in boys cloth
ing slipped and fell. She said: "Ouch"
and this gave her away. A man would
have been just as much hurt. but he
would have made u different remark.
The following is a copy of q bill
posted on the wall of country village:
"a lecture ON total abstinence will be
delivered in the open air, and a collec-
tion will be made at the door to defray
expenses.
A Western newspaper uses the fol-
lowing curious expression, seemingly
In good faith, in the course of a bit of
fine writing: 1--WE bid him cometh
and he comes, and we bid him goeth
and he goes"
''Do you think your father is going
to move out soonp" inquired the owner
Of rented house of the son of his ten
ant 'Think Sc" was the reply; I'VE
have begun using the window-frames
for firewood.
The male Goldfish always takes care
Of the eggs and young. The only peace
in life which the male Goldfish enjoys
Is when he gets salted down and stored
away in country grocery. BurItng-
ton w. Free Press.
'.Do you know that there is great
difference between the country owl and
the Boston owl?" No" "Wcll,
there is; the uncultured bird, you
know, says 'Tu whit tu who.' but the
cultured one says. 'TG whit TIL whom. !"
Boston B.lget.
Junior Partner-"Our travelling man
ought to be punished. He told one of
our customers in Albany that am an
ignorant fool" Senior Partner-..I
shall speak to him without fail and in
sist that no more office secrets be di-
vulged. .'-Boston Beacon.
,t,fa 10
carboy which contains vitriol; a cow
boy is a very different kind of vessel.
though. to be sure. it is frequently fill
ed with something very like vitriol.
Alter all, it is not to be wondered at
that you confounded the two.-Boston
Transcript.
Extremes meeting: Tho Major, to
nephew who wants taking down bit,
he thinks-'.Whai! you here. Percy!
Amt you rather young to be going to
ballsp" Pcrcy-'.What, and you here,
too, Uncle! Why. should have
thought you'd given up this sort of
thing long ago!' '-Iunch.
A minister forgot to take his sermon
with him 10 church, and his wife dis
covering the mistake sent it to him in
w
ceive ten cents for the job. Presently
livered the sermon, did you?" she ask
ed. 81 jes' guv it to him; he's a de-
liverin' of it himself. "--Religious Her.
aid.
A new and popular game among
Philadelphia bellies is 'bows." Two
young ladies walk down street togeth-
er, and the one to whom the most hats
are raised is the winner, and the other
pays for the ice-cream or soda-water
When hat is raised to both it is called
scratch" and counts neither. How
much the raising of hat may mean!
sLoUeH Courier.
What kind of doctor am DR..
BlackP" asked Uncle Moses of an old
Austin darky. lone OBJ de best l cher
heard tell OBJ. Dar was u man down
sick. and all de udder doctors in town
said he could not lib twenty-four hours.
So DIR. Black jes' tuck him in charge.
and de man libbed, sab. Instead OBJ
dying in twenty-four hours he libbed
thirty-six. sab. "-1e1as Siflings.
Suppose. said an examiner to
student in engineering, ''you had built
an engine yourself, performed every
part of the work without assistance,
and knew that it was in complete Or
der, but. when put on the road, the
pump would not draw water. What
would you dop' 81 should look into
the tank and ascertain if there was
any water to draw" said the student.
"Father, please tell me what entails
mean, and if we have such Il law in the
United States" Father-"Uuder tho
law of entails, my boy. the landed
property of the father is handed down
TO the eldest son, successfully, genera
tion after generation. We have no
snch provision in the United States.
Here the money generally goes to the
lawyers who settle the fathers estate.
You see the difierence?"
A good Deacon of one of our city
churches meandered along one of the
docks yesterday, and, noticing crowd
OF boys fishing, he commenced to re-
prove them for breaking the Sabbath.
In the middle of his haIangue he stop
ped suddenly to calculate. Look out,
bub. you've got bite" to small boy
whose attention had been distracted
from his line. Human nature was too
strong for him.-Sdginaao (Mich.)
NesOS.
You can buy an eighty-ton gun.
steel tube, with wrought-iron coils,
best English make, for $4,000. This
is great deal of money to pay for one
gun, but any farmer with running wa
ter. plenty of fruit, pleasant hills, and
forty acres of forest on his farm and
nine or ten families of relatives in New
York and Philadelphia will find the
outlay not only justifiable expense,
but really one of the most profitable
Investments he ever made. BrooEiun
Eagle.
Mrs. Sniverly is the wife of the Cap
tain of New York militia company.
She attended review not long since
at which her husband was the COM
manding officer. Mrs. Snively laughed
all the way home. and when, after she
got home, she was asked what was the
cause of her merriment, she replied:
at was the funniest thing in the world
TO see my husband, who never dares
open his mouth at home, ordering all