The Press., 1885-09-10
THE VANITY OF MEN.

"Who buys them ?' asked reporter in Kearney street motion" shop, pointing to lot of tiny pocket mirrors, with nail cleaners, toothpick and comb, all compl,.te. 1T suppose you think the ladies are our best customers" said the motion" man. "but it is not so. Men, sir-vain men are the pickers-up of these unconsidered trifie-."
 Pretty men ?" inquired the reporter. The salesman grinned. ''It don't mat ter much how they look, 7 he said, "wheth- CT they are apes or Apollos they want 0 pocket mirror all the same. They retire every hour or so to some st cret place to admire themselves. Talk of the vanity of women! Indeed T. pales, sir it fades away into insignific .nce bv comparison with the admiration the majority of men have for their own mugs" ., "Could you mention-not for publica- tion, of course, but for individual satisfac tion-the names of some of these pur- chasers 2"
 The notion man looked grave. 'I could not give away the secrets of my prison house, he said, solemnly "Inever trust newspaper man, and in the present regard I hold the confidence these gentlemen have reposed in me as sacred. Why there are some half dozen who, entertaining great respect for my critical judgmt mt of physical beauty, step in here every day to inquire how they are looking Then it is, Am pale to-day, Jim ? or Do you think my color is too high, Jim?' or That left eye brow is growing trifie heavy; don't you think I'd better have it trimmed off bit? If l say your color is too high, my friend is off to the barber's for dab of powder, or-but this is dead secret-we accommodate him in this shop. If he is too pale we tinge him up. Its wonderful, positively wonderful. Now, the ugliest men are the toughest. If there is the won't take it, because, forsooth, it may not faithfully reproduce their bright, pearl beauty.
 "But there are different degrees of van- ity among these male beauties, are there not?"
 ''NO, sir; there is but one degree and that is the superlative. but there are diff ferent degrees of candor. Some are mod est and will declare that thelr moustaches or beard are always getting tangled. Now, there's a good-looking blonde railroad agent on Montgomery street who bought six by -four mirror from me the other day, which he keeps in his breast pocket. He is glutton about his personal beauty, he is; but real estate man, fair, stout young person, whose office is near him, has found out that he has this glass and begs the loan of it dozen times day."
 "Then, as matter of fact, you have more customers among gentlemen for those pretty little articles than among the other sex
 "Five to one, sir the percentage of those who carry pocket-mirrors is small among ladies, but eight out of every dozen men have one slowed away in the vest pocket. Why," continued the notion man, ''some big, smirking fellows-busi- ness men-have come in here and asked me if I could teach them how to blush. Just think of it. Fellows in the forties, ty years, believe it would be becoming to them if they could flush up like moss rose when 8 girl glances at them. The ancient rounder got hold of the secret and
 made all the rest hopping mad to learn it. You won't give 1t away? We'll, when he wanted to blush he'd jab pin into his leg and keep his mouth shut"
 "What did the mouth have to do with
 Because the pin would make him feel like swearing and keeping back the blas- phemy was the effort thst suffused his cheek. That's the true business, s'help me. Do you want to look at any nice pocket-combs to-day? Mo- Then excuse me, for here's dude that does, !" and the philosopher resumed his professional air and advanced on the customer with inter laced fingers and captivating smile.- SaH Francisco DaSLy Alto.