Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1885-12-18

would say. "But there probably Is some
FIRE where there is so much smoke" That
would ssttle IL Tommy would ind Il cool
when he won't 30 their houses
Il was quite pleasant surprise 10 find my
father oldest friend, Judge Waite, seated
In the private Office waiting b examine me.
He seemed to be as much BROKEN up about
1t as ! was but waved me TO o seat and
turned back 10 highly excited man with n
red head, who was relating q ghastly yarn
which, IL seemed 30 me, bore dim resem
blance to my little adventure.
"Yes," he resumed, -there Is no doubt that
1t was young Mr.. Bounoer. Ny wife's maid
says she has boon much annoyed by his
winking at her from his window, and she
positively recognized him as he stepped into
her room. She also states that he said he'd
salute her, using some pet names which she
failed to catch, owing 20 her imperfect
knowledge OF English. Then she screamed
murder and ran for me-"
Did any one ever hear such q willful per-
version as thatl began to feel like regu-
lar Don Juan.
"Can you explain this disgrscefu affair,
Mr.. BouncerP inquired Judge Waite
sternly
"of course l can" splied, and went
over my dismal tale am. CAS- for the
girl" eudei. Il never saw her. felt in.
tensely enthusiastic. owing to a combina-
ton Of circumstances. and called out TO the
moon, Diana, l salute thee, or some other
nonsense. / didn't know l was not in
my room till | heard those awful yellS
Good joke, wasn't it, jud ger
joker interrupted the red-haired man
furiously. "Joke, he calls his highly prob
able storyi Well, | don't see the point
Why, the young rascal has broke a good
$50 worth Of glass in my conservatory.
Funny, wasn't III And to make il more
laughable, my wife and her maid have been
in hig Mysteries all the morning. Iain't
got the humor to enjoy his fun, and, by
Georgel somebody's got to pay"
At this juncture my father appeared with
a tragic countenance, and, petrifying me
with q stony glare, joined the melee. Then
the sport began. The injured Spuidings
my father, and the judge engaged in a spir
tied argument After two hours wrangling
q compromise was egscted- My father was
to pay for any damages the Spuddings man.
sion had sustained upder my vigorous hand.
ling In addition to this he paid my fine
for being drunk and disorderly, smoothed
the irascible Spuddings down 50 that be
consented TO withdraw his charge, and re-
tired to make out his bill.
And then l got IL I've often heard my
father and the judge shout with laughter
over their college scraps, particularly one
in which, being much exhilarated by a
swine they put goat In the presidents
room when he was asleep and screwed up
the door. They always recalled that
episode as specimen Of refined
college wit, and always added, with pride,
@We were rusticated for that" Yet they
fell on me like a ton Of brick. was the
greatest repro bate unhung. Fool, sot, IDIOT,
soft disgrace, cowardly, silly. abandoned,
wanton, depraved, hopeless From the
foregoing I'D jectives you may imagine the
style Of their lecture to me. until they be-
came exhausted by their own eloqusnce and
1ent me home in cab, ~ pack up and pre-.
pare for exile.
Lover and dozens OF other writers Ill up
the lives Of their heroes with such ad-
ventures as mine, and everybody, my
slatvss included, regards them as jolly
pictures Of the life OF a high-spiritsi young
man Yet they declare I've disgracsd the
family.
In our dining-room hangs a portrait OF
my great-uncle Rupert and I've often
heard my Aunt Tabby declare with pride
that "he was an ancestor TO DO proud Of.
A hardy, free jovial fellow. who took his
six bottles after dinner and went TO bod
under the table. Ah!' the good lady would
sigh, I'VE have no such men nowadays"
Yet on hearing Of my escapade shs retired
20 her room with Young's might
Thoughts,' AMI declared her heart was
broken VITA a, disgrace.
Where's tleir consistency Why is
everything always wrong for me and right
for other fsll0wsi Why does our family.
which has the reputation of being the old
est and most qaarrelsoms family in Phila-
delphia, become unanimous in sitting on
mel It's the only thing they ever DO agree
about
Idon't blame the Wigginses for being
down on me. 1t was little rough on
Tommy, and got him in a good deal Of a
row. But the whole city neei not have
fallen foul OF me Somebody might have
been Just. But what's the use OF reason
ngi 1t was simply my luck. Circum-
stances, as usual, were too many for me.