St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-04-16
SQUIBS.

good man he was born in Arkansaw,
and has, no doubt, gone to a better
land" The deceased can't help going
to better land than Arkansaw, even
if he had not led an upright life
[Peck's Sun.
eyes, SIR" sOlemnly said the oldest
resident, ''the first trip | made over
the old canal, | worked my passage on
the canal boat" "Worked your pas
sageP How 2" inquired his audience
81 led the horse" quietly calculated
the ancient mariner.
A New York lady, who was very
much afraid of the sea, was induced to
take a trip on the steamboat to COnev
Island. She did not show much alarm
until the boat was fairly out at sea,
when she suddenly turned pale and
shuddered.
"What is the matter ?" asked her
husband.
''Just look at all those life preserv-
ers."
"Don't get scared" replied her hus-
baud sOothingly; 81 dare say there is
not one of them that is in ORDER
Texas Siftings.
A prominent lawyer tells the follow
ing: An old darby was under indict-
ment for some trivial Offense, and was
without counsel. The Judge appointed
me to defend him. | was young and
very fresh at the time, and it was my
first case in court. AS | went forward
to consult with my client, he turned to
the judge, and said: "YO' hOnah, am
dis de lawyer what am depointed to
offend me z" eyes," was the reply.
''Well," said the old darby, "take hit
way, jedge; pleads guilty"
Two Irishmen on a sultry night, i'm
mediately after their arrival in India
took refuge underneath the bedclothes
from skirmishing party of mOsqui-
toes. At last one of them gasping for
breath, ventured to peep beyond the
blankets, and by chance espied fire.
fly which had strayed into the room.
Accusing his companion with Il kick,
he said "Fergus, Fergus, it's no use.
Ge might as well come out. Here's
one of the crayters looking for lis wild
lantern"
''I'll bet you ten dollars" said man
in II New York hotel lobby, the other
day, "that | can name twenty states
that will go democratic this fall. :"
bet, and the names were given to him
in a sealed envelope, which he was not
to open for a few minutes. A little
while after the same man, being in a
Dragging mood, said that he could
"name six more states that would go
the same way" Men called him crazy,
and some went out to look for the pO-
lice. In the meantime he pulled out
hi han L off TO
his statement to the amount of twenty
five dollars. A Yale college politician,
standing by, offered to bet him fifty
dollars. The man cOOlly accepted,
and wrote down the names of the six
best democratic states in the Union.
Then there was naturally some curios-
ity to see what the other twenty names
were, and the envelope was opened,
when it was found that twenty states
had been named regardless of their po-
litical tendency. The man had sacri-
feed ten dollars and made forty very
easily Elk.
The other day the driver of a Wood
ward Avenue car saw boy slip softly
up on the rear platform, and he pres
emily called to him to vacate. The boy
replied by making faces.
81 tell yOn to git ~
The boy elevated his nose.
The driver seized his whip, but the
boy winked at him.
Whip in hand the driver dropped off
the car to make good his threat, but as
he grabbed for the rear railing he
missed it and sprawled in the street,
while the horse logged along at such IA
gait as made it necessary to run two
blocks to Overtake the car. The boy
meanwhile INDUCED in chuckles, grins,
cackles, outlaws, and gyratiOns, but as
the driver got within ten feet of the
car he walked in, deposited his fare in
the box and came out to coOlly OBJ
serve:
"Pm a passenger now, and you lar
rup me if you want the company sued
for ten thousand dollars damages ~
The driver didn't Free Press.
1t was in the good old days when
canal ring statesmen thrived 1.-THE
printer will please not make that
''thieved'O at Albany, that one of them
had particularly handsome set of
rooms at the Delavan.
"There is only one thing lacking
about the parlOr," said visitor one
day, HtO give it real hOmellke and
aspect you want some
notices, God bless our hOme,' or Bib
lical texts, and so on. When | go down |
to New York I'll send you One-sOme-
thing nObby and appropriate"
Accordingly, few days later the
genial senator received a package, to
the opening of which his friends were
duly invited. When the parcel was
the promised motto was re-
veaIed. 1t was very handsomely got |
ten up-there was no denying that /;
and it was IA Biblical text-that was |
equally apparent. Still, the senator,
at least, had his doubts as to whether
it was so very appropriate. 1t read : !
''Thou Shalt Not Steal y brakes |
Travellers Magazine.
Miss Parloa, the well known teacher
Of cooking, is accustomed to take with |
her to distant classes some unraised |
dough in a strong leather satchel One |
lay she was going to attend class at
and as usual packed some
Tough in her bag, expecting to develop
t into bread when she got to her pu-
pills. But the car was very warm, and
he yeast started. The bread began to
Use and swell. There was no stopping
t when it had once started. 1t grew
md grew, and finally burst the clasp
IF. She tried to cover it with news
papers, but the stuff still grew. The
ady thought of making up the surplus
nto biscuits, but when the passengers
observed her motions she found her
elf in danger of being set down as a
iynamiter, and dropped the whole
'undle out of the car window. Then
ii was peace again.-[Oswego On. "
'alladium.