The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1885-11-28
aAttempted burglary at 1913 Chestnut

Il
my's meanness got me into this scrape; he
should suffer, too.
"Thomas Virgins 1 answered boldly
| Residence p
/ "No. 1924 Walnut street.
OF course | knew | should be identified
in the morning, but not before some ae.
count of the desperate attempt of Thomas
Wiggins of No. 1924 Walnut street, tt
break into house" had crept into The
Morning Gabbler, to be read by said Thos.
friends.
ssOccupation 2" resumed the captain.
''Waterpipe gymnast," | replied reck
lessly.
ssHe's drunk, cap'n," said No. 324.
$50 [ see. Put him in No. Ii" directed
the captain.
As was led away to my dungeon eel
reporter came in for items, and l heard
them laughing over the drunken dude.
But | knew Tommy and his friends
would have pleasant surprise when they
read their morning papers.
What an awful night [ had in that
sitting cell My head throbbed and burn
ed and my throat was so dry it was agony
to swallow. I felt as though l should 60
mad if didn't have drink.
oWater,'' 1 cried, beating on the door.
"What's that? asked the warden, COM
ing up.
"Water do bring me some water"
"Oh, you shut up this amt no hotel,
the horrid brute retorted, and went away.
My sufferings were fearful. All my ex.
hilaration was gone, and all that remained
from my spree was bruises and repentance
[ resolved, if [ lived through the night
never to drink again.
"What's the use?" Imoralized. "Sup-
pose you drink to drown your troubles
You succeed for night; you are first
madly gay, and then all is oblivion. The
next morning there are the same old trou-
bles sitting at the foot of your bed, waiting
to greet YOU and in addition you have an
empty pocketbook and splitting head
ache"
In fact | should have composed quite a
temperance lecture if [ had not succumbed
to sleep, for even the wicked can sleep.
About 9 o'clock in the morning an Off
Ger appeared with my muddy hat and in
formed me I was to go to the court house
for examination. Moreover, l found our
route was to be Chestnut street, so that all
my friends coming down spruce and spot
less to business would meet me coming up
covered with mud, unwasned, unshaved
and in charge of policeman.
[ read all the time that the police force
is nest of bribery and corruption, but
it's not so if that man was a sample. He
was regular Roman. [ offered him my
watch and chain, my studs, and unlimited
$40 bills when Igot free to borrow them IN
vain. The shortest way to court was up
Chestnut street, and he had no time to
waste hunting short cuts for drunken dudes
AS for the iewelry, probably stole it, etc
Nv only consultation through that awful
tramp was that, while half Philadelphia
was being petrifed by my appearance
downtown, the other-half was in fits
over that nice little item about Thomas
Wiggins in The Gabbler. [ had the bulge
on Tommy then. l could name at least
three old ladies of social weight who couid
never be made to understand how the thine
cot printed if it was not true. "When q
Young man has rich father its easy to
hush things up" they would say. "But
there probably is sople fire where there Is
50 maeh smoke. THAT would settle it
Tommy would find il cool when he went Y
I their houses
It was quite pleasant surprise to find
my fathers oldest friend, Judge Waite
seated in the private office waiting to ex'
anime me. He seemed to be as much
broken up about it as [ was, but waved me
to seat and turned back to highly ex
cited man with red head, who was relat
ing ghostly yarn which, it seemed to me
bore dim resemblance to my little adven
ture.
"Yes." he resumed, ''there is no doubt
that it was young Mr.. Bouncer. My WIFE
maid SAYS She has been much annoyed by
his winking at her from his window, anc
she positively recognized him as he stepped
into her room. She also states that ht
said he'd salute her, using some past names
which she failed to catch, owing to heri i'm
perfect knowledge of English. Then she
screamed murder and ran for me.
Did anyone ever hear such willful per
version as that? l began to feel like {
regular Don Juan,
7sCan you explain this disgraceful affair
Mr.. Bouncer ?" inquired Judge Waite
sternly
aOf course [ can,' I replied, and wen
over my dismal tale again. Gas for tn
girl, | ended, II never saw her. | fel
intensely enthusiastic, owing to combina
ton of circumstances, and called out to th
moon, Diana, I salute thee, or some othe
nonsense, l didn't know [ was not in m.
room till [ heard those awful yells. GooC
joke, wasn't it judge ?"
"Joke!" interrupted the red-haired MAJ
furiously "Joke, he calls his highly prob
able story? Well, l don't see the point
Why, the young rascal has broke goo'
$50 worth of glass in my conservatory
Funny, wasn't it? And to make it NOR
laughabe, my wife and her maid have beel
in high Mysteries all the morning. | ain
cot the humor to enjoy his fun, and, b.
George somebody's got to pay
At this juncture my father appeare'
with a tragic countenance, and, petrifyinI
me with a stony glare, joined the melee
Then the sport began. The injured Spud
dings, my father, and the judge engaged il
spirited argument. After two hour
wrangling compromise was effected. NJ,
father was to pay for any damage tn
Spudding mansion had sustained under m,
vigorous handling. In addition to this h
paid my fine for being drunk and disorderly
smoothed the irascible Spuddings down s.
that he consented to withdraw his charge
and retired to make out his bill.
And then got it. I've often heard m
father and the judge shout with laughte
over their college scrapes, particularly on
in which, being much exhilarated b
swine" they put goat in the president
room when he was asleep and screwed u
the door. They always recalled that epi:
ode as a specimen of refined college wi
and always added, with pride, "We wer
rusticated for that" Yet they fell on m
like ton of brick. | was the creates
reprobate unhung Fool, sot, idiot, sof
disgrace, cowardly, silly, abandoned, wantor
depraved, hopeless. From the foregoin
adiectives YOU may imagine the style {