The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-04-25
SUPPRESSED
A Fund Of wit and Humor which Was Not
Properly Appreciated.

properly Appreciateus
r. j. Burdette has quit the Burlington
Hawkeye. to which he has lent much
vivacity for many years. l remember
once hearing him tell how he got to
joking in print. He was local editor of
the Peoria Transcript. He had to fill
two columns day. 1t was hard work.
Dog fights were scarce and human be-
ings were disgustingly sober and peace
able. His page was dull.
At home was his wife i'll of the disease
of which she finally died, and to cheer
her up he stayed at home an hour or
two at noon and wrote imaginary local
events of an exciting nature and read
them to her. They were grossly i'm
probable and funny. They did not have
facilitating effect on her, but actually
made her laugh, and one day she said:
sRobbie this ridiculous stuff of yours is
bad enough to print. Having seen that
survive it why don't you try it on your
readersp"
He cautiously did so, dealing it out in
small doses. 1t was copied everywhere.
l remember copying some of the idiocy
myself away up in Minnesota. This had
been going on for fortnight, maybe,
when one day Mr.. Emory, editor of the
paper, sent for Robert requesting him
to come to his private room. ''Aha!'
said Robert, rubbing his hands and
glowing from stem to stern. "rve
fetched him! I've fetched him! He's
going to raise my salary"
.'Mr. Burdette," said Mr.. Emory.
when the audacious youth was seated,
1.-TWO lunatics escaped from the asylum
last week, believer"
"Yes, sir; yes-two-but one of them
was captured"
''One was captured said the editor,
thoughtfully, ''one-only one. What
became of the other, Mr.. Burdette?"
"He hasn't been found yet" answered
the jocose youth; they're securing the
woods for him"
''Is it not possible that he may be
secreted about the building somewhereF
In your room, for instance?"
.Why, no, Mr.. Emory! What put
such an idea into your head?"
''Have you among your friends any
body who is a driyeling idiot, Mr.. Bur-
dette?"
'.No, sir, no, oh no. sir. / think notr'
protested the youth, moving uneasily
in his chair.
'.Who might get into the Office and
insert articles without your knowledge
in your long absence at dinner, for
instance?"
30, no, Mr.. Emory, no; why do you
askp''
Il met an intoxicated man the Other
night going down the stairs. Who was
II don't know, indeed" said Bur.
dette. 1--WE had just bounced him."
Ibid he write anything for the paper
clandestinely and surreptitiously while
he was here?" persisted the editor.
why, no, of course; l see everything
that goes in this page"
well, then, Mr.. Burdette, who is il
that makes those sickly attempts to be
funny that l see in your columns every
day?'
Burdette blushed, rubbed some dirt
off his left pantaloons leg with his right
boot, and said; '.Really, Mr.. Emory,
I-you see-I hardly -well-the fact is
there's nothing avaricious about me,
Mr.. Emory, but / shall have to claim
those myself"
ssOhr" exclaimed the editor, feignine
surprise. you? Well, don't do Sc
any more. They make me melancholy.
They are dreadful lugubrious. They
seemed to have emanated from a
wrecked brain. You can go to your
room, Mr.. Burdette. / wouldn't have
thought it of you. Don't do SO any
more. If there's anything funny to
be written, I'll write it myself"
Burdette went home all broke up.
He resigned next day and crossed the
Mississippi. 81 left" says the humor-
list, because, sincerely, l couldn't look
him in the face after that. had been
caught in the act and felt like guilty
thing" Crofut, in Kansas City Jour
:,di.