The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-05-26
ADVENTURES IN CHICAGO.
Exciting Experiences and Marrow Escapes ola
Cincinnati Man.
Letter in Cincinnati Enquirer

Exciting Experiences and Narrow Escapes ofa
Cincinnati Man.
Letter in Cincinnati Enquirer.
a days soiourn liz this city by a virtuous and
uIsophisticated denizen of Cincinnati reveals
many strange features of the peculiarites of the
human race as represented by the people OF
Chicago. 1t would probably be unkind to say
that the people of Chicago are all cranks, because
their pecuarities may be caused by something
else. But they are mighty queer lot Ii you
60 into restaurant and ask for meal or a
lunch, the waiter will ask you if you want it on.
the fly.
'On the fyl' you repeat. What do you
mean by tbat|
"Wili you sit down and eat or do you wish to
have your order served while you are proceeding
at a rapid gait through the Streets"
'Great God man, do you serve meals to peo-
pie in that fashion bereP
Certainly, sir. If you are in hurry to turn
a trick you need not lose moment In taking
your lunch. Well fit you out in the best style
and send a man along with you to hold in front
of you the meal, of which you can partake while
you rapidly walk in any direction"
'sNot if l know myself You just give me
chair with plenty of beeswax on the seat and
chain the whole business to the floor SO that
can eat in peace. I'm photograph shop on
wheels"
every good, sir. You're not resident of
Chicago, seeT
ssYou can bet a hundred to one amt. and I'm
in with you as often as you can get takers And,
furthermore, | don't want to be a resident of
Chicago if that's the way fellow is expected to
live"
Out on the street a stranger constantly catches
himself wondering where the fire is, great is
the rush of people who fit by him pel nell as he
sauntersa along in regulation Vine street step.
Then he imagines that the whole market of the
world centers in Chicago, Every body.. has a
CLASSY stare in his off eye and is forever numb
ling something about stocks grains and provis-
ions. 1t is simply awful
1t is notorious that the climate of Chicago is
frgd No wonder. It's the people They are
the coolest folks on earth man who gets
broke any where else has only to lay in stock
Of overcoats and 80 to Chicago. Every stranger
that strikes the town has got to buy an cyercoat
or die. There is no other choIce.
This is q funny place to find your way ill., If
you ask, any body for information tits thousA
and to two that the fellow you ask Will not pay
the least attention to you, but will keep on In
his mad and rapid career as though he were on
his, way to Canada with flock Of sheriffs after
him. The writer tried to lasso dozen or ff-
teen men. one at time, to ask where some place
was. Failing in each attempt that was made IN
a Christian manner, another tack was taken
nice, large. trusty rock was procured A
good opportunity was watched for, and a nimble
young fellow. who came tripping along
basted in dead earnest fairly and squarely on the
left side of the head But with brush of the
hand and the remark that flies were id early
this year, the'young fellow passed on uncon-
/ cerned as though snowflake had alighted upon
h his classic features
l Desperation now seized upon the suppliant for
information. and another scheme was determined
upon in the hope that they would come his way
the next deal. A street was found where aditch
about eighteen feet deep had been dug, probably
lin search of a war rumor with which to work the
market. stand was taken alongside of the
ditch and the first man that came along was
yanked into the cavern by the writer, who pro-
ceeded to, Jump or, top of the victim with both
feet before escape possible. Then followed
the dialogue given below:
Say
"Waat to buy or sealln interrupted the Chicago
citizen.
buy or sell WHAT"
MAY, June, July, spot or any thing"
Buy nothing, Colonel want some infor-
nation"
Want pointer, ehl'
yes"
''Commission in advance. Twelve dollars and
half, please"
to charge me $l2 SO for, telling me where Ran
dolph street is, do you2'
Business is business. young man. Come to
center, and be quick aboutit. You owe me $lS
now"
'.What for9r
svrme lost. Settle"
BIZ the time the chump from Cincinnati could
climb out of the ditch he was compelled to tele-
graph home for money.
1t is not surprising that so many good people
GO broke in Chicago.
Coming across the street stand of boot-back
the scribe concluded to indulge in shine. Dur
ing the progress of the work the sinner
asked what time it was, and also if he could
change half IA dollar. At the conclusion of the
Job the boy was chucked a nickel, that being the
price of a shine according. to the law and the
prophets as indicated by a conspicuous sign.
Dollar and thirty cents more, please" said
the artist
"Hows THAR
Extra charge for information"
'What information
Answering questions as to the time Of day
and relative to change"
Thus it ever is. You have to pay for every
thing here, and unless you get onto the scheme
yourself in time to save Yourself you're goner
sure. The way to do is to brace yourself firmly
when you get ready to start any place, and give
yourself a powerful momentum Then dash
directly for your destination as hard as you can
CO. without break.
Your correspondent desiring to geteven, fixed
up scheme of his own and here is how it was
worked Accusing wealthy gentleman, who
was found IN pocket formed by several differ
emit streams OF people all trying to 60 in opposite
directions. so that the wealthy gent couldn't get
away, the writer said to him:
"You owe me $50. Pay me right now"
ssHow do come to owe you any thingT
'sFor time expended ON your account"
in what wayP
SIN telling, you that yen owe me S36.
why. I-glad to meet you, sir. You must
be the original settler of Chicago
Went over To take look at the new Board of
Trade building While gazing at the joint 0.