Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-06-05
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


The latest novelty is cork bricks. They
are said to be much more comfortable in
hats than the old variety.
The male Goldfish always takes care of
the eggs and young. The only peace
in life which the male Goldfish enjoys, is
when he gets sailed down and stored
away in a country grocery.
True, an editor gets heaps of satisfac-
ton out of sitting with his feet up on the
table, and yet there is always "a haunting
uncertainty about that last two-cent piece
in his trousers pocket.
The manuscript of Miss Cleveand's new
book has been left with the publishers,
but she hasn't decided what to call the
production yet. Women are all alike in
this respect, whether it is books or babies
they are principally interested in.
Mexican paper advertises an eighteen
foot waterfall for sale. The editor should
state whether the hair is auburn or some
other color.
The new oarSman, Beach, bids fair to be
the nobleSt row-man of them all.
The Louisville COulicr-JOurnm calls
upon the new minister to Switzerland to
investigate the William Tell story and
write back the actual facts. This is about
all minister to Switzerland has to do,
anyway.
1t is lucky for the tramps that they are
out of New York city, just now, as the au
thorties propose to flush the streets in the
more filthy portions of the metropolis
every night, to guard against cholera. A
tr,, H.,
than catch bath.
a Washington correspondent says that
George Bancroft wears II soft felt hat.
which shades his eyes and a pair of well
fitting pantaloons." It must be a regular
sombrero.
There is one place in this country-away
down in Maine-where the people are so
polite that they never speak of unmarried
ladies as old maids. They simply call
them Understanding.
"Washington ladies are all picking
banjos,' says an exchange. The banjo
rlpens early
a correspondent wants to know how
long whales stay under water? Much in
the same way that short whales do, we i'm
agine.
Arabs use the expression, "My shoe at
YOU" as Il token of contempt. The same
thing occurs frequently in this country,
only the shoe is used instead of the ex-
preston.
An exchange says that in New York
rents remain as high as ever Among
Vermont boys they are seldom found high
er than the seat to the pants.
Straight heats-sunbeams.
con, for that sunny cline !" signs II
poet, If he had to swarm up hill two
miles for three line item, with thegther-
mometer at So, few times, he would
have all the sunny climbing he wanted.
A newspaper correspondent thinks that
prohibition at the South is muck more
successful than at the North. Unquestion-
ably, man who has once tasted Southern
whiskey needs no other prohibition.
The Dolphins Successful feat of achiev-
ing over fifteen knots an hour should put
the clergyman who presdes over the skat-
ing rink annex to the blush. He cannot
tie more than a dozen matrimonial knots
an hour, unless he takes the youthful
couples in column tours.
An exchange asserts that people are
wearing OvercOatS and going on runners
il the Michigan woods yet. In New Eng
land it has got so warm that only tights
go on runners.
We have met the boss fish story of the
season, thus far, and have voted it the
largest leather medal ever awarded. The
story halls from Sullivan county, n. Y,
and is as follows: While Amos Cartright
was fishing in the Big Bushkill Creek, he
hooked large trout, and while playing it
in the pool a large fishhawk pounced upon
the trout and rose with him from the
water. Cartright was so excited he did
not stop his reel, and the hook holding
fast in the tish's jaw the line parted at the
tip of the rod. The hawk disappeared
from view with not only the trout, but the
fly, leader, and 80 feet of the tisherman's
line.
Donkeys have powerful reaches with
their ears and at their rears.- Whitehall
Times.
1t seems to me almost as fashionable just
now to commit suicide as to own Il pug
Boston Post.
A rousing call to arms-The midnight
yell of the baby.-ROrbury AdrOcdte.
The last deal of the Illinois legislature
turned up Jack.-LOUcU Courier.
A painting is called a rare work some
times because it isn't well DONE Boston
Transcript
A German ate Limburger cheese. A
little boy who sat beside him turned to
his parent and exclaimed "Oh, father,
how | wish | was deaf and dumb in my
nose r'-BOstOH Beacon.
General Grants doctors seem to be at a
loss to know how they can prevent his
recovery. Have they shown him Tenny-
sons "You You" poem ?-BostOn Post.
Bonnets come high this spring, remarks
fashionable paper. The man who has
the misfortune to sit behind one at the
theatre is fully convinced of this fact
| Boston Courier.
! A gas we'll has been dissolved 1900 feet
below the surface,in Ohio. Can it be pos
sible the Ohio Legislature has.sunk so low.
I-LOlCCU citizen.
| Phiadelphia's new county prison is to
cost over million dollars. She intends to
compete with the tirst-class hotels of the
country -DCtrOit Free Press