News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-02-12
STRAY BITS OF HUMOR
FOUND IN THE COLUMNS OF OUR Ex-
CHANGES.
lt was HObsOn's ChOIce-A Texas School
An Assertion PrOyed-BOardinR House
'tBetIIes''-A Dog Law, Etc.
NEVER BEFORE.

seem TO DO III u very ulihLIOuo hOON'
The reason for the Chicago mans dis
satisfaction leaked out when he dis
missed school, for he said: "Young
ladies and gentlemen, 1 do not think
that you have treated me courteously.
None of you have congratulated me on
my marriage. When / taught in Chi
clgo L don't remember of ever having
got married single time without my
pupils congratulatiDg me on the happy
event. TeraS Sitti'ags.
BOARDING HOUSE ''BETTIEs."
Two young men stood in the doorway
of a cigar store last night on CLARK
street, near Indiana, when a peculiar
looking individual passed by. One OF
them looked at the pedestrian with un-
disguised contempt stamped on every
feature. This was noticed by his COM
panion, and he asked:
"Know him ?"
81 should smile."
''Who is he %
"He's 'BettyP"
"a aSat ?2..s~
"A Betty. You don't pretend to say.
| that you know nothing about Betties 2!
I'm honest-really, I'm clear of.
"Wel, a Betty is the husband OF
q boarding house landlady. y Chicago
Tribune.
| AN ASSERTION PROVED.
Mrs. De Blank-"What nonsense I
Here is one of those newspaper para
graphs saying that no womM4 can
sharpen pencil.
Mr.. De Blank-"Well, the paragraphs
tell the truth sometimes"
81 would just like to know if you re
gard the truth as told in this case?"
SIT is partly told, certainly"
"Oh you think 80. Now just stop q
moment, Mr.. De Blank. Is there any
physical, mental or moral reason why a
woman can't sharpen pencil, if she
tries ?"
eyes"
"Oh, indeed Well, why is ?"
because she generally tries to do it
with table knife. - Philadelphia CAL.
AN OUTRAGE.
A Galveston mendicant was in the
habit of calling at the Office of local
lawyer and receiving small sum on ac-
count of former acquaintance. Last
week the mendicant called as usual, but
the lawyer said
81 can't assist you any longer as I've
got wife now, and need all the money
can lay my hands on"
"Well, now that's just coming it
little too strong. Here you actually go
and get married at my expense"
SHE GAVE HIM SOMETHING.
1t was one of the genus tramp. He
knocked at the door of house and
when a kindly-looking woman opened
it he said:
Madam, L am very hungry. I have
had nothing for a week back"
"Why, you poor SOUL" said the good
woman, "wait moment and I'll find
omething for you"
And she gave him an old porous plaster
and closed the door before he had fin
shed thanking her.-Atla,ata Co'asttt,s-
,ion.
ON WHEELS.
Only girl on roller skates, only a
female defying the fates; only a step or
two out on the floor, only this, then
something more. Only man ON the
backward glide, with hands outstretched
and feet spread wide; only bold dash.
then a dull thud, only a scream that
would curdle your blood. o My min
Cling of stripes in the air, only shower
of auburn hair; then she sat on him by
the ton, never was man so sat upon
| Louisville Journal.
RED HAIR AND BALD HEAD.
A few days ago two gentlemen were III
barber shop in Charleston, w. Va.
One had red hair, the other was bald
headed.
Red Hair to Bald Head: "You were
not around when they were giving out
hair ?"
Bald Head: eyes, I was there, but
they only had little red hair and
would not take that"
HE WANTED REAL WINE.
Some amateurs gave theatrical per-
formance. Just before the performance
began the leading actor said to the man.
ager: ''Now, look here. don't propose
to drink water instead of wine in the
drinking scene. want genuine wine."
ooh, You want champagne, do you?
All right, you shall bave real wine, and
when you take poison in the last act I'll
see tlst ycu have real poison"
HoBsoN's CHOICE.
During the late cold snap Moses
Schaumburg laid in q big lot Of wood.
He encouraged his son to pile it up by
saying:
''If you wash good little poy, Isaac,
You may pile up dot load of wood"
"And ven wash pad little poy, fod-
der, vot den?"
"Den you shalt pile dot wood up
veder you wants to or not, or dras
you. ."-ZeTaS Sitti'1gS.
| DOG LAW.
Bob Poison was great legislator. He
did not understand parliamentary law
quite as well as some people, for once,
when called to the chair duringa heated
discussion, he took off his coat and
Joined in the debate Shortly after his
arrival Poison was appointed member
of the Judiciary committee.
"Bob," said the chairman of the COM
mittee, "don't go away tonight We
want you to help us frame dog law"
"Help frame it, why. hang it, man, L
don't need no help. 1 am as good a
carpenter as there is in the State and can
make frame that would tickle Presi-
dent. What kinder wood do you want2'
-ArkanSaaU Traveller.
A SPANISH TowN.-Alhama de Gran
ada, recently destroyed by an earth
quake, possessed the most romantic
situation and the most romantic history