The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1885-06-16
TURNING THE LAUGH.

-
"Never stake your wits against wo-
MANS" said Bob Wimple, as we sat sip
ping our tea one evening at his cosy lit
lie home.
"Wby ?" asked, s'are their wits 90
much sharper than ours7"
81 can't say exactly" Bob replied,
.but they have so many more OF them,
you see, could tell you story snent
hat"
"Tell it." said. putting another lump
of sugar in my cup and setting mJ self
70 listen.
Bob slowly stirred his tea, took sip
and began:
"Kate Burgess, who was the hand
soonest ugly woman ever saw
- A contradiction in terns thai. 2 I. In.
"Not in her case" insisted Bob; "you
would have owned it yourself had you
seen her. Though her features were ir-
regular. their expression was perfect and
thew beamed with intelligence"
81 met her casually at watering
place." he continued, "whither bad
gone, partly on business, partly on pleas
ure, about a year after my marriage =
She had the reputation, found, OF be-
ing sort OF Democritus, Laughter ct
mankind and their follies. She had had
9 goodly number Of suitors; some
doubtless attracted by herself; Others,
perhaps, by her fortune. But, in turn.
she had treated them oil alike. One af-
ter another she had led them into the
most extravagsnt flights only to laugh
at them In the end, and make them the
ISugbing stock OF others.
"Whether it was that years comm.
bial bliss bad not sufficed to render me
quite insehsible to the charms OF flirta.
ton, or whether / was actuated by the
motive Of avsnging the wrongs OF nv
sex, / leave to be inferred from nv sto-
ry At any rate, the fact Is, that after
making Miss Burgess's acquaintance,
and on detecting, as / thought, lurk-
ing purpose TO add me to her list Of VIC
Tins. / took no pains to inform her that,
instead Of being an eligible bachelor, 1
was stsid and steady benedict.
"Chsnce threw Us good deal toQelh.
er. We talked all sorts OF sentimental
nonsense, quoted the spooniest passages
Of the poets and made as great fools OF
ourselves as the two greenest lovers
could have done.
"Ithought Kate was flirting deeper
ately; but, determined not to be out
done, l went as far as she. Not that
made downright love to her. Consci-
ence, when thought OF Ann and the
baby at home, wouldn't stand that.
At times. when Kate's fine eyes-her
eyes, it had to be confessed we're fine
looked languidIy into mine, had mis-
givines lest had made on impression
deeper than / had intended. Then I
secuted the vanity which made me think
myself more successful than dozens OF
others who had similarly aattered them
selves. No, she was only laughing at
me. But he laughs best who laughs
last, says the proverb, and we'll see who
that shall be. ! said to myself.
"At last she grew, or seemed to grow,
melancholy. The more vspid nv twad-
die the more she appeared affected by it.
1t reminded me OF Deacon Darbey. who
was always most attentive at the duIlest
parts OF the sermon.
81 called one evening and found Kate
10 very dispirited mood. As she greet
ed me, there was a sadness In her tone
which could hardly have been feiened.
al feared you we're not coming this
evening, Rob-Mr. Wimple, mean
she sighed.
"'I assure you, Miss Burgess be-
gan, nothing ever gives me more pleas
ure-
",Yes, yes, she fallered, Il know what
you would Say
2" Let me beg Of you--' l interrupts
ed, anxiously.
"'I know what you are going to ak
she persisted; it's question my heart
has long since answered.
"Here was situation for respect-
able husband and fathsrl Had my fol-
ly come to this' ] had never dreamed
OF Ka,e's being more in earnest than
myself. After all, it was likely to prove
no laughing matter. Everybody would
call me q william and Anna- what would
she ,hinkP dreaded to reflect upon It.
"'I beg you to permit me--'I ex-
claimed.
"'Yes, take my hand, Robert she
whispered, reaching me one and cover
ing her face with the other.
II hung back confused for moment
Then, in sheer desperation and with
more than lovers energy seized the
protfered hand and began an incoherent
speech, intending to explain all and make
what amends could for my couduct.-
But the sound of an approaching foot
step cut me short in the exordium.
81 turned and saw-vhom do you
think?
/ confessed my inability to guess.
"My wife," said Bob dramaticsllv.
"You can imagine the scene" he con-
tinued. "A husband confronted BY his
wife, in the act of holding by the hand
a strange lady, and addressing her in
words of earnest appeal.
"'Strike, Anna, but hear me r / cried.
starting like guilty thing.
81 had heard words to that effect
somewhere, and could think Of nothing
better to say.
"But she didn't strike-dIdn't even
call me caitiff or villain, names would
have considered moderate under the cir
cumstances. After giving herself time
to take in the scene, with all its ludi-
crous details, she Just burst out lsuph-
ing, and she and Kate laughed q duet
till both sank exhausted.
"When the explanation came all was
made plain enough. Kate had known
who was from the start. She and An.
ma. it appeared, we're old schoolmates,
and the latter, in our counting days, had
shown my miniature TO her friend, who
was thus enabled to recognize me at drst
sight. A letter from Kate, speaking OF
her new beau. and asking Anna to come
and share in the fnn she was having,
vas the cause OF my wife's sudden sp.
pearance.
"The business and pleasure which had
hitherto detained me we're both speedily
ended. The laugh wasn't 30 soon over" !"