Daily Republican., 1885-05-07
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

Husband: " My dear, have you seen
anything Of my collar. button z" Wife:
:" Did you lose it ?" Husband (sarcas
tically) did lose it? IT had mott
lost IL wouldn't ask you If you had
seen aoything of it, would ?" Wife
Enormously looking about) Well,
don't you know where you lost 1t Z"
Husband Dumping up and down with
rage): "Don't l know where lost 1t
On, yes, certainly man would be |
fool to lose q collar button and not know
exactly where he tlost it. l dropped 1t /
not ii We minutes ago up In the northern
part OF British America. That's where
lost the collar-button, madam"
Scene at q wedding-breakfast. Com
pauy all seated around the table. A
pause in the general conversation.
Happy husband to his wife's seven year
old sister at the other end Of the table.
" Well, Julie, you have Few brother
now." Yes, but mother said TO papa
the other day that she was afraid you
would never amount TO much, but that
1t seemed to DO Sarah's last chance. "
Intense silence for moment, followed
only by o rapid play of knives and
forks.
Mistress "Wbat, going to leave
already? Why, you have not been here
a week % Maid: 81 know 1t, mum ;
but can't stand it here. Things run
too smooth like, mum" Mistress ::
Why, what can you mean" Maid :;
You see, mum L has always been In
places where they kept three servants"
Mistress: "Oh, you are lonesome,
then 2" Maid: NO, mum, not lone.
some, but, you see, l misses the con-
| fusion :"
Mikes Bravery. Well, my good
| fellow" said a victorious general to a
brave son OF Erin, after battle, " and
what did you do to help Ms gain this
victory 2" " Do ?" replied Mike, "may
1t please your honor, walked up
bouldl y to wan of the inimy and cut OF
his feet" "Cut of his feet and why
did yon not cut oft his head ?" said the
general. "Ah, an faith, that was
oti already" says Mike.
At n little dinner party the husband,
while carving a fowl, lets a wing fall
upon the floor. =" DO be quick" his
wife cries, "or onto'lliget Ut. He't
lust run under the table after 1t -
l"All right, my dear" says the husband
with great presence OF mind "pvt
put my foot ON 1t - He rescues II
trium phi antly, but the lady to whom
he offers il says she preiersi the leg Of
the fowl.
A letter was recently posted at the
general post office bearing the sub
Joined address To my sister Bridget
or else to my brother Ton Ma.ony or II
not to Gudy her mother in. law who
came to Ameriky but did not stay long
and went back TO the old country-iu
care of the praste who lives in the
parish of Balcanbury i'll Cork or if no,
TO some decent neiehbor i'll Ireland"
All, my dear Miss Annie. how do
, | YOU like the cut of my haiah?' drawl
ed a sand-papered young blood to {
J bright girl. We'll, Mr.. Witless, real
ly, now, since you ask tee, I'll tell 20,
that, while don't always like sucl
short hair, in your case / really do lik,
it, for 1t is so nicely cut to match.
don't quite compwehend, Miss Annie
Match what ?'' Your brains, O
} COURSE"
Angry wife (time 2 a. M; !" Is tina
you Charlie?" jolly husband: "Zasl
, me-" Angry wife: Here have
: been standing at the head of the stair
: these two hours. Oh, Charles, hoS
can your" Jolly husband (bracin
. up): Shtandin' on your head on tn
i. t'shairs" Jennie. am Surprised! HOY
!, cant? By Jove l can't! Two hours
too. Stronary woman!"
f A newly married couple went {
Niagara on n visit, and while there th
gentleman, In order TO convince hi
n "dear" tina, be was brave as well o
gallant, resolved 80 go down into tn
= Cave of the Winds" Finding tha
ID that he was bent upon tho deed, sh
s, very affectionately requested him
:, leave his pocket book and watch benin
him.
u The lady of the house was ban'
r. some woman of q mature order OF beat
n ty, and when she had completed n
toilet she gazed fondly ut herself in u
Il glass and remarked to her new maid
:" You'd give good deal 10 be ~ goo'
lookin as am, Lucy, wouldn't 20
now % /" Yes'm-alnost az much |
you would give to be rs young as
am"
"What makes your horse 60 80 slow
, asked o tourist one day in the Glen
b. the Downs, Ireland, of his Celtic Jell
"a ut Is out of rispict to the bayutif
y y. sanery, yer honor. He wants to see
= all. And thin, he an intilligint bas'
q, and appreciates good company, ar
OF wants to kape the loikes O ye In belo
., cd ould Ireland AS long as ho can
= A gentleman once warmly eulogiz
n the constancy of an absent husband
a, tho presence Of his loving wife. Yes
r. yes," assented she, hs writes me lt
a. ters full of the agony of affection, b
. he never RENTS me any money.
BY can conceive of that" said the 9th
- "for l know his love to be unren
A. ting"
A number of wall.howers Mt b
- were watching and making CONNER
r upon the walters. Now" said G
of the ornaments, look at Mrs. "
~ What grace! and how youthful 4
still looks!'' True" replied anoth
land to think that she 10 old enough
be her own mother"
A young man was real.ng Hamlet
HIS sweetheart, and when he re1
:" Or If thou wilt needs marry, marry
- fool" she exclaimed. Oh, Sltrsd.
that proposal %" Yes, darling"
replIed, and there was no moro Fla
let" for them until the honeym0o h
passed.
The other day Mrs. Sniffkins, be
unwell sent for q medical man and
clared her belief that she was poison
and that Mr.. Sniifkins did it. did
do itn' shouted Snitfkins. Its
Rammom-she il not poisoned. Pr
It. doctor-opel her on the spot