The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-05-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A Lewiston seamstress carelessly left
a needle in the back of young lady
customers dress, and now a particular
friend of the family has his arm done up
in arnica. --Lewiston Me- Journal
There are twenty ways of cooking
potato, and three hundred and sixty
five ways of cooking an egg. Here
culture ends, for there is but one way Of
swallowing either of them. - Lowell
Citizen.
1t is claimed that you can tell when
it is noon-time by looking at cats
eyes. We can't see what cats size
has to do with noon-time unless you
are thinking Of having rabbit for dinner.
--Burlinqton Hapkeye.
There are said to be over two thou
sand postmasters in the United States
with salary of less than ten dollars q
year. At Redelia, N. c., last year, the
salary was nine cents.-N Y. Mail
When the fire reporter gets as far
as 1.-THE lurid glare of forked flames
shooting athwart the dark-domed sky, !"
it is time for the city editor to put on
condenser and get at the facts Of prop
erty destroyed.-N. O. Picdyune.
Not sugar coated: She-"There is
often vast difference between a boor
and bore" He (fishing) And are
most men either one or the otherp"
She (wearily) Dwell, a man is boor
when he does not call on US, and gen
orally bore when he does. Life.
--Maxfield Bean was in mauufac-
turing town last week, when q very
fashionably dressed young man passed
along. He was told that It was q clerk
in one of the cotton mills and quite q
lady's man. In fact the, girls had
spoiled him. 'That was my idea Of
him. said Maxfeld Bean; III not
spoilt, l thought he was little mill
dude. ''-Melrose Journal.
Are you fond of etchingsp' asked
the young man who had taken the host
ess pretty niece from the country down
to supper. "As general thing, yes, =
she answered, looking up into his eyes
with an engaging frankness that threat
ened havoc to his heart; sbut, she added
hastily, as he started to say something
pretty, mot any tonight. thank you
is all care for. Boston Beacon.
First Bohemian-What's the mat.
terp You look ILL Second Bohemian
Il am suffering from writer's cramp.
s.Indeed! But you seem to have the use
of your wrist, and did not suppose you
had had much chance to be over
worked '.Ah! it is not in my wrist,
and is not caused by overwork. !" Then
where is it, and what is the causeP" 1T
is in my stomach. and is caused by
vacuum. - Philadelphia Call.
A nice old gentleman, seeing lad
eating an orange, told the boy not TO
swallow the skin, because it would.
make him sick. The Lad was thus saved
from probable sickness by the nice old
gentleman's thoughtfulness. The lad
threw the skin out at the window, and
the nice old gentleman went out and
sat down very hard upon the sidewalk.
The nice old gentleman will not tell
lads hereafter that orange peels should
not be eaten-Boston Post.
Dear to the heart;
How dear TO the heart are the chestnuts Of
The baidheaded jokes that our infancy.
The puns prehistoric we vented in wild mood,
And ancient conundrums 90 feeble aud
What sweet reccllections rise quickly And
High up to that pitch where = . briny tcar
when We hear from the lips Of the clown Il
+! The eTutch-ridden chestnuts we N love =
| The mcsscovered chestnuts, the mildswse
A SSa ioRss sSss we're .ssd s.sers Ad1,a