St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-01-17
COVINGTON ST. TAMMANY PARISH La, JANUARY II, 1885.
AN UNSATISFACTORY VISIT.

AN UNSATISFACTORY VISIT.
A Humorist Tells Why He VIII Never
Again Visit the Family of Tai.
macious Peelworth.
have decided not to again visit the
house of Talmacious Peelworth. As q
rule, am fond of children and enjoy
telling them stories of questionable
truth, but of decided moral adornment.
like to lift an inquiring little fellow to
aposition on my knee, study the kaleido-
scopic dance of his eye, as costumed
thoughts chase each other round and
round, but when he becomes too intense
| want to put him down and change the
subject. l went over to Telmacious
Peelworth's the other day to renew the
ownership of a book which l had loaned
to his literary wife several years previ-
ously, and which she had promised to
return within a week. Talmacious was
not at home, having gone to justice of
the peace to swear out warrant for the
arrest of a man whose longing taste for
fresh pork had trampled his honesty
under foot Mrs. Peelworth and the
children, especially the children, were
at home. 49,. :.
Come in," said the lady. you
must excuse the appearance of every
thing this morning. William" address
ing boy with smear of jam across
his face, ''quit fooling with that
dog. James, watch Sylvia and don't
let her fall out the door,"
William, friendly little fellow,
climbed up and sat on my knee. ''Will-
iam!" exclaimed the mother, ''don't
put your dirty fingers in the gentleman's
mouth"
/ could not help but show discourage
ment at this attempt. Whether a
Youngsters fingers be dirty or clean, I
do not care to have him investigate my
front teeth and seek an exploration of
that territory lying farther back, for, l
do not believe that an accomplishment
of his extreme desire in this direction
would naturally extend his store of use
knowledge.
'.Gim me this" plucking at shirt
stud.
lam much inclined toward liberality,
but not realizing Williams immediate
need of the stud, felt that it was my
duty to decline an entertainment OF his
proposition, and to frown down q re-
newal of his negotiations.
.Whut you come here fur?'
'.William!' called the mother, ''don't
put your hand m the gentleman's
pocket. Put him down."
..Let him remain" said l, at the same
time attempting to put him down; but
he braced his feet on the rounds of the
chair and climbed back to his perch of
annoyance.
James entered the room with pole.
"Take that out of here" said the mother.
Don't swing it around that way. Now
just look at you!'
He had cracked my head with the
cussed implement.
MY goodness, I never saw such
children. Did it hurt you, sir?'
Hurt? just as well ask a man who
had been torn to pieces by dog if he
were bitten! 80. it amounts to moth
ing" rubbing lump which had began
to rise. MADAM, if my book be con-
venient, will take it now."
"James, what did you do with the
gentleman's book? l saw you with it
the other day."
Didn't do nnlfin wifi it. Bill flung it
in the WELL"
"Don't care if I did," exclaimed
William, wiping his jam on my shirt
bosom: ..you tole me ter"
Il declare" exclaimed the poor
woman. wiping her flushed face with a
checked apron. Il never did see such
children. 1t does seem like they'll take
the place. James. I'm great mind to
whip you for that.
He had wiped his mouth on the tail
of my linen coat, leaving stain as
though had been struck by a ripe to-
mato. William climbed down. l felt
relieved.
"You must excuse the uncomfortable
warmth of this room, as / had to make
up fire for ironing purposes. We are
having the other part of the house
plastered and we have to use this room
for everything. l am really sorry about
your book. Let's see. 1t was Eagle
Eyed Jake, or the Trail of the Scorpion
wasn't itpn
NO, it was Felix Holt think"
"Sure enough, it was. didn't read
it. Started to, but didn't like it. Will
lam, take that switch out of the fire.
Now l remember. / borrowed Eagle
Eyed Jake from Mrs. Pelberton. I
don't have much time to Did ever
see the like of that!'
William had jabbed the back of my
neck with the burning end of the
switch. It was impossible to longer
diSp,,;so INV foa1ip orc for tho pnd IF tho
switch. burned to coal. had broken
off and gone down my back. l have a
recollection of seeking the woods and
hanging my shirt On a swinging limb.
Twisting around and looking down. I
could see trail as though a centipede
had used me for a highway. No. I
shall never again visit the house of Tai
malicious Peelworth.-Opie p. Read, in
Courier-Journdi.