Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-22
PlTH AND PoiNT.

The Maharajah Dhuleep Singh own.
| 1900 acres of land in England. He i.
going to split his name into pickets and
fence in his land.
| --Itis now asserted that hairpins cause
neuralgia headaches. Gracicusi Must
halrpins go? What would 8 woman be
without hairpins?-DassviAe Breeze.
Among the inventions that are still
| waiting to be invented is the way t.
have an exhibition ready for opening
at the specified time.-Philadelphia En-
Quirer.
Now let us hear no more about this
superiority of English cheese. Isn't Il
conclusively proven that American
"skippers" are the best? - Yomkers
Statesman.
The wise man foreseeth the evil
and prepareth unto himself cyclone
pit. Even if the tornado fails to ar.
rive the PIT will come in handy during
family disturbances Jour.
nal.
"A sen mental bride put the follow,
ing question to her mother on the eve
of r wedding: "How long does the
so-called honeymoon last?" Her prac-
teal mamma replied: It'll you ask
your husband for money"
did you ever study botany, Miss
Clara?" he asked, as he handed her a
beautiful bouquet. No" she replied,
81 never had taste for anything OF
that sort, but | am passionately fond OF
flowers. ~. T. Times.
Gay old gentleman to boy. on
twelfth birthday: II hope you will
improve in wisdom, knowledge and
virtue. Boy, politely returning the
compliment. totally unconscious of
sarcasm: THE same to you, sir!''-St.
Paul Herald.
-Mamie--"How can Lucille marry
that old fossil, Closefst? What if he is
SO rich!" Sadie-..Did you know that
he has heart disease so badly that the
slightest shock is liable to prove fatal?"
Mamie-''Ah, that s it." Sadie--''Yes,
and Lucille thinks she will be able to
shock him. 1.-THE Rambler.
1t is stated that in the nent Con.
gress an effort will be made to do away
with the sunset guns now fired at all
posts in the country. When the United
States army is compelled to retire with
out knowing when the sun sets, we may
well echo the old political conundrum.
''Whither are we drifting?" Next
thing we know an effort will be made
to still further cripple the usefulness of
our army by abolishing military hops at
West Point. - Norristoacn Hero1d.
--"Whv, Mr.. Philbrick, what are you
putting that pepper sauce in your cot
fee for9" asked Mrs. Jarby, as Phil very
coolly squirted about a teaspoonful into
his coffee. ''Just warming the coffee
up little, that's ALL Mrs. Jarby
laughed a soft laugh. and told the other
boar3ers, when Phil went out, that he
was the funniest board"r she ever had.
But she went OUT into the kitchen and
kicked the cat all the same.-Philadel-
32kia Gull.
A tourist returning from Ireland
reports a peculiarly n Irish horses. On
one occasion he hired an Irishman to
take him to certain station, but upon
arriving found that the driver had taken
HIM to diffe ent one. Upon being up
braided for his carelessness, the man re-
piled: ''Oh. yer honor, the haste is so
used to tn s station that he ain It safe
going any other way. He's dangerous
when yer turn him round before he
wants to. Give him bis way an he's
peaceable enough. Chicago Times.
Counsel for the prosecution)-You
will admit that your client was in Bos-
ton at the time the affair occurred?
Counsel (for the defendant)-No, sir.
Counsel-You will admit that your
client was in Boston about the time the
affair occurred? Counsel-No, sir.
Counsel--Will you at least admit that
there is such place as Boston? Coun-
sci (emphatically)--No, sir. If the
prosecution wishes to establish in evil
dence that such place as Boston ex-
lists, it has got to prove it. We admit
nothing. Boston Transcript.