The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-07
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A subscriber asks an eXcnange
"When is the best time to marry" Mr..
Enpeque says the best time for such
ceremony is on the 31st OF February
N0rristoWn Herald.
Naval Examiner-"Now, sir, will
examine you for color blindness. What
color is this lght?' How the deuce
eau tell unless you take that red globe
off of tip Chicago News.
Seven hundred and -fifty-dollar fans
are very common in New York, but
sensible girls don't look for such pres
cnts They take fifty cent fan and
s749.50 in ice cream and soda-water. -
Detroit Free Press.
Two Jockeys have been killed at
horse-racing in New York recently. A
few more casualties of that kind and
the horse trot will supersede baseball
Is the National game" in this country.
= Norristown Herald.
Il always pick my company said
= braggart, who was elbowing his way
through a crowd. And their pockets,
when you get chanceH added quiet
gentleman. who stood politely aside,
Sith bow. Golden Days.
IL wish mamma dearp protested
cute little Laura. knitting her brows in
comcal severity; Il really do wish
you'd make Harry stop throwing peach
kernels at me- He hasn't hit me yet;
but every time he throws he hurts my
feelings dreadfullv.
do not put salt into soup when
cooking until it has been SKINNED, as
II ft.r,r r-Iorft n
So salt prevents the scum from rising
eho" Another reason why the fresh
youth should be attended to immediate
ly''-Boston Transcript.
The New York Ora ohic describes a
| forthcom ng volume as about half the
size of pocketbook This is too indef-
mite. If it means Vanderbilt's pocket,
book it would be library in itself. but
if our pocketbook is understood the
moral is obvious. = Philadelphia Call.
BROMLEY. is it true that you lost
YOUR hired girl Pr YES. Mr., Dusen-
berry; she died" " All what of p''
Confederation" '.Of whatp' Cor
roboration. She wanted to know
whether there was really any risk in
lighting the fire with kerosene"
1t is said that Western girls have
stronger voices than those Of the East
But when an Eastern woman calls
You John Henry preparatory to tn I
kindling of the morning brands on the
family hearthstone. it is evident that she
has a voice sufficiently strong to be dis
tinctly understood. - YOnker's States
man.
"A girl in one of the public schools
applied to her teacher for leave to b.
absent for half day, on the plea tina
there was company at her house. Tht
teacher referred her to the printed lis
of reasons that the school committed
think to justify absence, and asked he
if the case came under any OF them
She replied, with true wit, that it nigh
come under the head of domestic Attic
ton. = Boston Bulletin.
Here is story told by Miss Marti
neau of servant girl who came to he
, to be h red The girl had brogue tba
m ght be cut with an axe, but denie
that she was Irish Well said tn
novelist. Il don't know whether yo
are an Irish woman or not. All kno'
is, YOU were born in Ireland .'Well
ma am" replied the girl. suppose
was; if was born in stable would
be a horse?' She was engaged with
; out further parley. Cincinnats En-
quirer.
"A few days ago well-known 81
cety Young man shocked one of h
! lady friends by his ignorance of histor.
Z 1t was after dinner party at his hous'
: and she was telling him what she ha
: learned in her private history elias
!, One thing led to another, and all ii
Q time ne was getting into deeper waite
~ ,"s' tell tell me p' Mr. n what are 4
Knights of the Bath?" He stammert
t for a while and finally blurted GU
r why. saturday nights suppose.
\ Buffalo Courier