Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-06-30
BILL NYE ON THE RUM QUESTION,
DamnatiOn and Mormon
valley Fan Discounted i'm
Maine.

Q. Rum has always been a curse to the
SIate OF Maine. The steady fight that
MAINE has made for century past AGAINST
decent rum has been worthy of better
/ cause. 'O''ei
Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow >
ana some more things of that kind? He
mat monkeyeth with Maine rum he that
goeth to seek emigrant rum.
In Denver your friend says: "Will Won
come with me and shed a tear9; or
Come and eat a Glove with me.''
In Salt Lake City a man once said to
me: William, which would Won rather
do, take dose of Gentle damnation
down here on the corner, or 90 over
across the street and pizen yourself with
some real old Mormon Valley tan. made
last week from ground feed and prussic
acld?" | told him that | had lust been
to dinner, and the doctor had forbidden
my drinking any more, and that | had
promised several people on their death
beds never to touch liquor, and besides |
mad Just taken large drink, so he would
have to excuse me.
But IN Maine none of these common
styles of invitation prevail. 1t is all
shrouded IN mystery. You give the sign
OF distress to any member in good stand
ing, pound three times on the outer gate,
give two hard kicks and one soft one on
the inner door, give the password, Ruth
erford B. Hayes" turn to the left,
through dark passage, turn the thumb
screw of a mysterious gas fixture ninety
degrees to the right, holding the goblet OF
the encampment under the gas fixture,
then reverse the thumbscrew, shut your
eyes, insult your digester, leave % cents
near the gas fixture, and hunt up the
nearest cemetery, so that you will not
have to be carried very far
If a man really wants to drink himself
into drunkard's grave, he can certainly
save time by going to Maine. Those de-
string the most prompt and vigorous style
of jim-jams at cut rates, will do well to
examine Maine goods before going else
where. Let man spend a week in Bos
ton, where the Maine liquor law, I'M
derstand, is not in force, and then, with
no warning whatever, be taken into the
heart of Maine let him land there
stranger and a partial orphan, with no
knowledge of the underground methods
of securing drink, and to him the world
seems very gloomy, very sad, and eX-
tremely arid.
At the Bangor depot a woman came up
to me and addressed me. She was rather
past middle age, a perfect lady in her
manners, but little full
| said madam, l guess you will have
to excuse me. You have the advantage.
| can't just speak your name at this
moment. 1t has been now thirty years
since 1 left Maine, a child two years old.
So people have changed. You've no
idea how people have grown out OF my
knowledge. [ don't see but you look
Just as young as you did when went
away, but Pm poor hand to remember
names, so | can't just call you to mind"
She was perfectly ladylike in her man
ner, but bit drunk. 1t is singular how
drunken people will come hundreds OF
miles to converse with me. l have been
alluded to as the drunkard's friend"
Men have been known to get intoxicated
and come a long distance to talk with me
on some subject, and then they would
lean up against me and converse by the
hour. A drunken man never seems to
get tired OF talking with me. As long us
am willing to hold such man up and
listen to him, he will stand and tell me
about himself with the utmost confidence,
and no matter who goes by he does not
seem to be ashamed to have people see
him talking with me.
once had a friend who was very much
liked by every one, so he drifted into
politics. For seven years he tried to live
on free whisky and popular approval, but
it wrecked him at last. Finally, he
formed the habit OF meeting me every
day and explaining it to me, and giving
me free exhibitions of breath that he
had acquired at great expense. Alter he
got so feeble that he could not walk any
more, this breath OF his used to pull him
out of bed and drag him all over town;
1t seems hardly possible, but it is SO.
can show you the town yet.
If | had a son, l would warn HIM
against trying to subsist solely on popular
approval and free whisky. 1t may do tor
a man engaged solely in sedentary pur-.
suits, but it is not sufficient IN cases OF
GREAT muscular exhaustion. Free whisky
and popular approval on an empty stom-
ach are highly injurious.