Daily Republican., 1885-04-22
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

There now, John, Just read that.
and may be you will tbrowaway that
horrid cigar !" Mr.. De Blank "Read
that 2" Why, this in the paper. A
member In the recent Woman's Con.
gress says 1t Ia q nice thing FOR o man
to keep his mouth at to be kissed. Z"
also a nice thing for q woman to keep
her mouth in the right position to be
kissed" The right position ?" eyes
shut !"
You horrid thing |" said Miss
Jaggs to Miss Minnie Jaggs, when thew
had sought their room you ACTUALLY
ate that biscuit after Uncle Horace had
reached 1t TO you on his own fork 70
Well, what of 1t 7" What Of It 2
l should say what of it | The idea Of
touching anything that any body else's
fork has been in p "It doesn't make
any difference in Uncle Hor aces case. I"
Why not 2" Because he never
puts his fork in his mouth"
Just starting on wedding trip.
Young wife: am afraid, dear, that
our tripto Paris will be very expen.
sive." Young husband: " 1t may be a
trifie expensive, but just think what q
delightful time we will have" just
ending the wedding.trip. Young wife.
What delightful time we have had,
dear" Young husband: eyes, we
have had a pleasant enough time, but
just think what an awful expense It
has been!'
An Irishman, being annoyed by a
bowling dog at night, jumped out OF
bed to dislodge the offender. 1t was
when the snow was three feet deep.
He not returning, his wife ran out to
see what was the matter. There she
found him in his night suit, his teeth
chattering, holding the dog by the tai.
"Arrnh, Pat" said she, what wud ye
be af;her do!n'?" "H-.ssh," said he.
"Don't ye see? I'm thrying 10 fraze
the bastc".f
Bride: "How easy II is to be economical,
saved two dollars last week by making
bread myself in stead of buying 1t of the
baker," Young Husband: "Indeed!"
Bride: eyes; l counted all the little
items carefully" Young husband: "It
is queer how figures differ. thought
We came out ten shillings behind"
Bride: Dear me, l must have left
something out. What WAS w" Young
Husband. 1.-THE dyspepsia medicine"
So you are the new GIRL" said the
diners 10 the pretty waitress, and
what name are we to call you?"
Pearl, said the maid, with a saucy
toss of her head. "Oh - asked q
great price % "No, I'm the pearl
that was cast before swine" Ietorted
the pretty waitress. There was long
silence, broken only by the buzz Of the
| flies round the sugar basin.
Tn n hOY NJ tba Cnpra fwn ladfao aro
bringing their opera & lasses To bear on
| q third-a brunette OF mature years
| made beautiful with superb diamonds.
Look !" ta;d one, " it is tie Countess
". Her hair is j.t black, and am
| sure 1t was gray last year - Very
true, my dear" returned the other
" But you forget she il in mourning
She lost her Bother some months ago. >
Possession or Pursuit.-At u debating
club the question was discussed
Whether there is more happiness in thu
possession or pursuit Of an object? i" Mr.
| President" said young orator, sup
| pose was o courtin' gal and she wa!
| to run away, and l was to run after her
| wouldn't be happier when / cotchet
b r thai when wnsrunning after her?'
The young man gained the victory.
| Mary =" Yes, l have left my las
| place" Sarah g." AM what did yol
lave for?" The mistress was too har,
hearted. She had no more sensibilitie
than an OK" "An' did she abuse you
dearie % "Indade, she did that.
An what did che do ?" She pu
an allarum clock right in my room, an
in the mornings 1t made such noise
cud not slape another wink"
Have you got any more tender steal
like that bought the other day ?" ask
ed q man of butcher. oh, yes
plenty. You found it to be good meat
oh 2" Yes, suits my purpose. an
house. have choked one 20 death, ant
have my eye on another one. Let IN
have u halfpound, please"
| An old lawyer, in examining
witness who mad been in the army
said: "Come, eoldier-tell us what yor
know of this matter" 81 am no sol
dier-I am an officer" hauahtily repli
cd the witness. Whereupon the oil
lawyer said calmly "Well, then
officer who is 70 soldier. tell US wha
you know"
Little girl: Papa, did mamma say
yes TO you right off when you aske
her TO marry your" "Papa: "Certainl
she did" Little girl: Why don't sh
cay yes now just as quick when 20
ask her to do things" Papa: "Mau
mas hearing is not 20 good now, dar
ling-that's all"
"What in the world are you starin
at that young married couple SO inten
ly for?" asked one young lady of an
other In a train, "Ol !" exclaimed be
companion. with sia1t and q siel
"It's so natural for Us giis to conten
plate matrimony, you know"
A shoemaker with one eye complain
cd that one of the lamps did not burr
One of his shopm ates, who is a geuuil
son of the Emerald Isle, with abtopisl
ment exclaimed Faith, and wins
yo you want with two lamps? Y
haven't but one eye!"
You did not dare to speak TO me /
that manner before married yon, sir
she indignantly exclaimed. "No; nj
you didn't dare come before me in Gu
| papers and carpet slippers before
married you ma'am," he retorted. The
she cried.
Young man (after a long interval
sllence): "a penny for your thought
Miss Clara" Miss Clara (suppressir
, yawu): I" was wondering If tn,
clock isn't slow. 1t seems later tina
'' midnight" He left without giving b,
the penny.
A bachelor returning in a crowde
carriage the other evening from part,
declared, with a groan that he had n,
the slightest objection to "rings on b
! npgers," but had most unequivoc
aversion to "belles On bic toes"
Arc you going TO the party tn
| evening" Maud?" HNO think m