davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Preserving His Req atation.

He had been living on crusts and
apple-cores and the remains of free
lunches for weeks, and the best bed he
could scare up was box half-full of
musty straw. He was begging nickels
of pedestrians yesterday when a gentle
man took him into restaurant and
said to the proprietor:
Here, give this man some sort of q
meal. l suppose he will be glad to fill
up on most anything"
When the waiter approached to take
his order the tramp said:
''Now, then, make me nice piece of
toast, Drowned evenly on both sides,
and bring it here with quail on it. I
want my beef-steak rare-rare, mind
you, and if you have any genuine
Mocha coffee in the place you may
make me cup
The waiter went off and brought in a
glass of milk and some corn-Deef and
bread, and the man showed it back and
left the place with the remark:
Il had an idea when came in here
that there wasn't any tone about this
place. Some folks don't seem to know
the difference between hash house
and banquet hail.
When the average American won't
kick there is something about him that
ought to be investigated. Detroit Free
Press.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Jokes.
"a little nonsense now and theft


.'All things arc big with JEST said
Herbert, and a certain learned and
noted preacher recently wrote an OK
cellent article showing that the Bible,
the best of books, has vein of humor
running through parts Of it. Jokes
are as s.old as the hills" They came
into existence with man, and have kept
pace with him, and in this age of rapid
transit, travel around the world in less
than eighty days, making the hoary
world laugh and grow fat. No matter
that the jokes that come from all GUAR
tiers of the globe, and seem so new and
rich to US, are the same old Jokes
that the learned and serious ancients
laughed over thousands of years ago.
The man who is too serious to enjoy
a good laugh over a good joke is too
serious to live. There is something
woefully deficient in the composition
of such a one and he cannot be pleas
ant companion. hence finds life some
thing of a burden. 1t is an incomprc-
hensible fact that the men who have
laughed loudest and longest over a
witty story or rich joke are men of
the greatest learning and deepest
thought, philosophers, sages, preach
ers, lawyers. editors, and all profession
al people. 1t is not possible for two
well-read or well-educated men to be
together an hour, no matter how inn
portant the business that called the
meeting, without one or both relating
a good joke or story, or an anecdote Of
some great man great and famous in
his day. There is no trait of character
so strongly developed in human nature
as curiosity, and it is curiosity that
makes us listen so eagerly to every
thing that is told of both the dead and
living; their conversation, their dispo-
sition, character or appearance, and we
eagerly accept it. Whether it be true
or false, kind or unkind, is no affair of
ours; it is "good to know" hence &C.
ceptable. Cleveland Leader.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
An Extraordinary Offer.
To All Wanting Employment.

We want Live, Energetic and Capable Agents in
every county in the United States and Canada, to
sell patent article Of great merit, ON ITS MER.
IT'S, An article having large sale, paying over
which the agent is protected in the exclusive sale
by deed given for each and every county he may
secure from us. With all these advantages to our
agents, and the fact that 1t is an article that can
cessary to make an .''extraOrdinary offer" to Sc
cure good agents at once, but we have concluded
to make it to show not only our contidencei in the
merits of our invention, but in Its STABILITY by
agents now at work are making, from $3.50 to $500
q month clear, and this fact makes 1t safe for us
to make our offer to all who are out of employ
ment. An agent that will give our business a
thirty days. trial and failto clear at least $lOo in
this time, above all expenses can return all goods
unsold to US and we will refund all the money paid
for them. Any agent or General Agent who would
like ten or more countyies and work them
clear at least $3.50 above all expenses, can return
all unsold and get their money back. No other
employer of agents ever dared to make such Of
fers, nor would we if we did not know that we
have agents that make more than double the
amount we guaranteed, and but two sales day
would give u profit Of over $l25 month, and that
one of our agents took eighteen orders in day.
Our large descriptive circulars explain our offer
fully and these we wish to send toeveryone ont of
en- loyment who will send us three one cent
sta ,ps for postage. Send at once and secure the
az :ncy in time for the boom, and to work the
tel MS named In our extraordinary otter. We
wClld like the address ofall the agents, sewing
machine solicitors and arpenters in the country,
and ask any reader of this paper who reads this
OFFER to send US ut once the and address of all
such they know. Address ut once, or you Will lose
the best chance ever offered to chose out OF
piemOymenttO make money.
RENNEE MANUFACTURING Co., go
I'll Smithtield ST., Pittburgh p
*
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Three NatiOnalities.

The following plant by an Italian
artist aptly illustrates the difference in
the national character of the three per-
sons mentioned:
Work in my studio one day ven one
gentleman vid the lueettcs come in,
make one, two, tree bow, very pro-
found. and say, "Gutt Morgen, Mein-
heer" make one, two, tree pro-
found bow, and say de same. Den de
gentleman look at my picture very
slow and deliberate; den he say, "Dat
is goot; dat is beautiful; dat is very
beautiful; dat is vondrous fine" Den
he say at last, "Meinheer, vii you per
nit me to bring my friend, de Baron
Won A., to see your fine work?' l say,
''Sare, you vii do me one favor Den
he make tree more bow more profound
dan before, and he 90 way. De next
day he bring his friend de baron, and
dey two make six bow, all very pro-
found, and dey say dat all is very
beautiful, and den de baron say, "Sare,
vii you let me bring my friend de Count
Won B. to see desc so fine work?' and
den dey make der bow once again and
go way, and see dem no more. Dat
vas one German gentleman.
Anoder day, one little gentleman
comes in vid one skip, and say, "Bon-
jour, monsieur! charm,e lie taire votre
co1aaaissance. He takes up his lorg-
nettc, and he looks at my first picture,
and he say, ''Ah, very we'll. Sare,
that is one very fine morsel." Den he
pass quick to anoder and he say,
''Sarc, dis is truly admirable; after dis
beautiful picture nature is wort moth
ing" and so in two minutes and a halt
he got through dem all. Den he twirl
his cane, and stick out his chain, and
say, '.Sare, l make you my compli-
ment; you have one great talent for de
landscape; shall have the honor to
recommend you to all my friends; az
Tevoir, monsieur but see him never
again. He was a French gentleman.
Anoder day, ! hear ono loud
tap vid one stick at my door. Ven
say, "Come in,' one gentleman walks
forward, and mods his head, but takes
never off his hat. He say, ''May l see
your picture?" l bow, and say, "Vid
pleasure, sarc." He no answer, but
LOOK at me long time and say not
word. Den lie look at anoder and say
noting. Den he go to anoder and
look, and say, 'Vot is de price Of disp'
say, .'Forty louis. sare." He say
noting, but go to the next and lool
for one long time; and at last he say
Vat is de price Of disp" Den l say
''Sare, it is sixty louis Den he say
noting, but look anoder long time
Den he say, 'Can you give me pen ant
ink?" and ven ! give it he sit dow1
and he say, ''Yot is your name, sarc?'
Den | give him my card, and he writ,
out the order on Torlonia for sixt,
louis; he give me de order vid hi
card, and he say, 'FDat picture is mine
dat is my address; send it home; goot
morning. And so he make one NOR
stiff nod and walk away. Dat vas on
American gentleman.-Lo',1o's Stand
ard
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Fooled by u Granger.

Representative John J. O'Neill, of
Missouri, is a veritable son of the soil.
Among his granger constituents he is a
granger himsclf, and whit he does not
know about horses, cattle and patch
products is not worth knowing. His
district lies in the upper part of St.
Louis, but as it embraces the billy-goat
and garden-truck suburbs of the metro
polls of the Mississippi his con tituency
is somewhat rural. 10 this element
Mr.. O'Neill has long been walking
encyclopedia of information concerning
crops and live stock. During his last
campaign, while he was canvassing, he
met one of his farmer constituents driv-
ing COW. He at once began to air his
knowledge of bovine breeds with which,
he said, he had been familiar since his
earliest boyhood days, when his father
used to send him out in the ghostly
twilight to hunt for truant calves.
In the height of his enthusiasm he
offered to buy the COW the farmer was
driving. The farmer was not anxious
to sell, but said he would take 500 for
her. '.Drive her right up to my house,"
said O'Neill, land III be there to paw
you the money" The farmer, how
ever, suddenly regretted that he had
consented to part with his favorite cow,
and began to think of some way to get
out of the trade. All at once bright
idea struck him. Said he, .'Let me tell
you, Mr.. ONeill, want to be honest
with you. The cows gentle and good
mixer, but there's one thing about her
that ought to tell you of. She has no
upper teeth" ':Of course that changes
the trade" said O Neill; ''you wouldn't
expect me to take COW with such a
deficit as that. But you bring me
good mixer with sound upper teeth
and I'll buy her." When the story
got out there was great excitement in
the cabbage end of his district and the
farmers turned against him en- masse.
ONeill learned, to his horror, that
cows did not have any upper teeth.
He tried to explain, but it was no use.
The grangers swore they would not
have Congressman who was 'blamed
fool enough to believe that COWS had
upper teeth
AS result U Neill was almost over
thrown. He was only reelected by the
skin of his own upper teeth. Since the
election he has bought whole library
on the anatomy of domestic animals,
and is determined that no designing
granger shall catch him mapping next
time Washington Republican.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Notice Of SherifS Sale on
Execution.

by virtue Of an execution issued out of and nm
der the seal Of the District court of the 9th Jndi
cal DISTRICT in and for the county of Brown and
state OF Minnesota, upon a. judgment entered,
rendered and docketed in the said court. on 1he
23d day Of December A. D. 1884, in an action
wherein Daniel Dinger is plaintiff and William
Jacob Hoescheler as partners as Kiesling. Keller
Co., defendants in favor of the said plaintiff and
against the SAID defendants for he sum OF Four.
zen HSndred thirty five dollars and eighty cents
lSl435 oO). have this 9Th nay of January 4 n
1885 levied upon all the undivided mart or mo;e,v
owned by saca Of the above defendants William
h be Henry kelisr and Rudolph Kesng
menclng twenty five feet north SAX degrees west
rom ire north -easterly corner of Lot No. { in
Block NO eG south Of Centre street in the city Of
same appears OF record in the Office of Register of
Deeds IN said Brown county; where Minnesota
street and the alley Of said block No. G6 form a
jun ;tion, thence north BAN degrees west one hun
red forty feet, thence south 55A degrees west ~.
ralle with Centre street, one hundred feet tfepce
south 4h degrees east one hundred forty feet:
the place Of beginning. Also lot No. of BLOCK
No 66 south OF Centre street according to the
said new plat of said city of New Ulm, filed and
q, &C. Is SAID premises lying and be-
Nosice Is hereby given that will sell the said
undivided part or moiety OF the said defendants
William Riesling Henry Keller and Rudolph
misses to the highest bidder, for cash at puhIic
auction at the front door Of tho Court house in
the city o. New Ulm, in the county Of Brown and
state Of Minnesota on the 5th day Of March A. b.
1855 at the hour Of ten o'clock in the forenoon Of
that day, to satisfy the said execution, together
with the interests and costs thereon.
The said premises subject to redemption at an
time within one year from the day of sale, a. prl
vided by law. ~
Dated January 9th A. y. 1885.
J0HN q. ScHMID.
Sheriff Of Brown County Nlan.
LIND HAaBERa Attys, New Ulm, MINI.
March sk
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Chlldren's Likes and Dislikes.

Some people think it perfectly right
that children should be made to eat
everything that is sci before them; but
in carrying out this singular theory too.
often the gravest injury results. An
eminent city clergyman told me the
other day that the mere sight of liver
cooked In any form made him ill.
When quite alittle fellow his stern faith
er, who was one of the sort that would
permit no ''nonsense," as he expressed
it, with regard to children's likes or
dislikes as far as food was concerned,
insisting that they should not exercise
any taste or choice in the matter, re-
quired him to eat some liver which had
been put on his plate. There was
something about the particular piece of
liver that set the child against it, but
he was forced to swallow the repulsive
morsel, and ever since his stomach has
rebelled even at the thought of the
gross piece of tyranny which was prac-
ticed on him. 1t is sound rule for all
of us that with respect to food our likes
and dislikes are the best guide as to
what is good for us, and it is safe TO eat
upon the plan that whatever we relish
will prove on the average harmless and
wholesome, and whatever produces dis
gust will prove, as a general thing,
indigestible. A recent writer on this
point has fully expressed my opinion in
saying that nothing can be more
wrong than to make children eat fat,
for example, when they don't want it.
A healthy child likes fat and eats as
much Of it as he can. If he shows signs
of disgust at fat that proves him to be
of bilious temperament, and he ought
never to be forced to eat it against his
will. A good many of us have disor-
dered digestion in after-life simply be-
cause we were compelled to eat rich
food in childhood which we felt instinc-
lively was unsuitable to u.s.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

The Paris Chariuari has very clever
picture of the divorce problem in an
alleged toy for children. On an ordi.
nary stand are figures of man and
woman standing at either end and fac.
ing each other. They are joined by q
band which so connects them that they
can not be separated except by cutting
it apart. Oh this band are strung sew
eral children, who, il tic U1nd is cut,
will slip off the loose e;.,!s and fall
down, The problem ii to cut the
bands without ieopardizing the position
of tho Children. 1t points to-. moral
very graphically, aud one worth con-
sidefing by the community in connec-
ton with our frenEcnt a.,i .:,A.s plvarrs,-
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Not a Victim of Insomnia,

A prominent attorney, who is of a
rather observing disposition, had no.
ticed that the night policeman Of his
ward was always to be found loafing
in and about a certain saloon at all
hours of the day. Ono morning he ac-
costed the helmeted individual and
said;
''Say, Thomas, / have often wonder
ed how you, being q night policeman,
could manage to be around all day.
aNh,;;.E Is T56: end tlE,t. To e!a...-.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

..When do you suppose?n asked the
astonished copper. I'm on my beat
from + in the evening till 6 in the
morning, and twelve hours sleep is
enough for any man. =
The attorney was almost struck
dumb BY the candor of the guardian of.
the peace, and lie no longer doubts the
ability OF = policeman to get plenty of
sleep. scissors.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
frooi Cards and Chromos

We will send free by mail sample set of Our
HArgs German, French, and American Cnromo
tinted and gold grounds, with price lis.
for postage We will also send free hy mail AZ
samples, ten of our beautiful ChroInos, On recep.
OF ten cents to pay tor packing and postage also
enclose confidential price list of our large oil
chromos. Agents wanted. Address F. GLEASON
Co., q Summer Street. Boston Mass
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
!. AYERS
Cherry Pectoral.

No other complaints are 80 insidious in their
attack ~ those affecting tho throat and lungs:
mono 20 trided with by tho majority Of suffer-
ors. Tho ordinary cough or cold, resulting
perhaps from trifing or unconscious OK
posure, 10 often but tho beginning Of fatal
sickness. AYERS CHERRY PICTORIAL. has
well proven its efacacy In forty years. fight
with throat and lung diseases, and should be
taken in all cases without delay.
A Terrible Cough Cured.
"ln 1857 took a severe cold, which affected
my lungs. had terrible cough, and passed
: night after night without sleep The doctors
ToRAI, which relieved my lungs, induced
sleep, and afforded me the rest necessary
TOR the recovery Of my strength. BY the
continued use Of the PEcroRAL perma-
and e.
HoaAcE FA1RBao1HzR."
Rockingham, VT, July Is, 1882.
Group. "A Mothers Tribute.
"While in tho country last winter my little
Il seemed - il he would die from strangu-
letion. One Of the family suggested the use
Of AYER's CaERRY PEcTonAL, bottle Of
vas tried in small and frequent doses, and
70 our delight in less than half an hour the
little patient was breathing easily. The doc.
tor said that tho CHERRY PICTORIAL had
sas fsn as you at
MRS. EMMA GEDNEY."
169 West l2sth St., New York, May 16, 1882.
II have used AYERS CHERRY PICTORIAL
In my family for several years, and do not
hesitate to pronounce it the most effectual
remedy for coughs and colds we have ever
tried. A. j. CRANE"
Lake Crystal, Mimi, March 10, 1852.
"1sunered for eight years from Bronchitis,
and after trying many remedies with no sue
cess, l was cured by the use of AYERS CHER
RY PICTORIAL. JOSEPH WALDEN"
Byhalia, Miss, April 8, 1882.
II cannot say enough in praise of AYERS
CHERRY PICTORIAL, believing as I do that
but for its use should long since have died
from lung troubles E. BRAGDON.'
Palestine. Texas, April q, 1882.
No ease Of an affection Of tho throat or
lungs exists which cannot be greatly relieved
by the use Of AYERS CHERRY PEcToRAA,
and It viii always cure when the disease -
not already beyond the control Of medicine.
PREPARED By
Df.J.c.Ayer& Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by oil Druggists.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

An English physician has been try
ing to count the hairs on the human
head. He quotes the average number
of hairs per square inch at 1,066, and
estimates about $4,000 hairs for the
entire head as q general rule
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

Leland Stanford, Senator from Cali
fornia, has arranged to leave his for
tune of SIS, 100000 to the State of Cali
fornia The State debt of California,
$a,000,000, is to be paid, and the large
balance is to be used as fund for a
thorough system of popular education.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Winona Republican
ESTABLISHED IN 1850.
DAILY AND WEEKLY EDITIONS.

THE DAILY REPUBLICAN is pub
lished every week, day afternoon in
time for all the evening trains, ana
contains the Associated Press tele
gramms for the day, Including market
reports from the principal cities. 1t IS
Comprehensive and entertaining COM
pendulum of the days important news,
both at home and abroad, and embraces
in addition independent editorial COM
ment on public affairs, local and gen.
cral correspondence, interesting liter
arv miscellany, and all other features
of an interesting and popular evening
paper.
THE WEEKLY REPUBLICAN, Us
sued every Wednesday morning., is 4
large, six page paper, filled with the
most interesting contents of the daily
edition for the six days preceding, and
is especially valuable to the farmers OF
Southern Minnesota, Southern Dakota,
and Western Wisconsin whose local
interests receive careful attention in its
columns. Its low price puts it within
the reach of all; and its merit is such
as a representative of the region for
which it speaks that its publishers feel
justified in recommending it to every
family which appreciates good and
reliable general newspaper, such as
The REPUBLICAN has for many years
been conceded to be.
Terms Of Subsc iPti0n for 1855:
THE DAILY-$6 year; $3 for six
months; SO cents per month.
THE WEEKLY-$1.1 Is q year; 70
cents for six months.
Il liberal Cash Commission sviU be
ALLOWED Postn.asters and other locG!
agents for the Weekly.
All subscriptions are payable in ad
vance. Specimen copies free.
Remittances may be made by postal
note, money order, or registered letter:
Address,
ID. SINCLAIR & CO.,
Winona, MINI.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

A DnI7H Send six cents for postage, nd
II | nlLlI goods which win help yon 10
more money right away than any
hing else In this world All, Of either sex. succeed
pens BET ore the workers, ab solutely sure. Al
oacs adore TsyE 4 Co. .Ansssts, Maine.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

Catarrhnl'ThroatA Fecti ons.
hacking, Irritating Coughs, Colds. Sore Throats
cured by "Rongh on Coughs. Troches 15c Ii,
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
Health is Wealth.
Cure Guaranteed!

MINT, a guaranteed specific for Hysteria, Dizzi.
ness. Convulsion~, Fits, Nervous Neuralgia.
H,a 1ache Nervous P;ostratton caused by the use
preston, softening Of the brain resulting in in
sanity and leading to misery, deca and death.
n either sex, involuntary Losses and spermat.
orrhoea caused by over-exertion OF the brain, self
abuse or over.indulgence. Each box contains
one months treatment. S1OO box, or six boxes
for Co., sent by mail prepaid on rec ept of price.
We g U.aR.1JVTEE SIX BOXES
To cure any case. With each order received by 9
for six boxes, accompani MED with $500, we will
send the purchaser our written guarantee to re
fund the money ii the treatment does not effect
cure. Guarantees sued only by
John f. West 4 Co.
862 w. Ma Olson St.,
Chicago Ill.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
..ROU1,n O.rC0uN.S,,

Palpitation, Dropsical. sweiiings, Dizziness, In
Gigestlon, Headache, Sle.plessnets cured "Weil'
Health ReneWer.''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

LIFE PRESERv
II II you are losing your grip on life try 'Wells'
Health Reviewers Goes direct IT, weak snots
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

Trough OnItch.',
Trough on Itch" cures humors. eruptions, Ing
worm letter. salt rheum. frosted feet, chi!lb line
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
wHOOpING CnI1cu

Wells Health Remover, restores health and
vlgor' cures Dyspepsia, Headache, Nervous.
ness, Debility. $lOQ.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
HEART PAxrs.

Clears ont rats. mice. reaches, flies, ants bed
bugs. skunks, chipmunks, gophers, l5c. Drug
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
THXrPEOPzE,

no IGN C.N' I.ax.N's'' PONOUs E'Ins. en-.
Strengthening, improved the best for bacx a h,
pains in chest or side, rheuma tism neuralgia -
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25

PRETTY WOMAN.
Ladies who would retain freshness and vivacity,
con't fail to try "Wells' Health Renewer.''
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
MnEHEAa

and the many Throat Affections OF children
promptly, pleasantly and safely relieved by
though on Coughs" Troaehes, 15c. BaIham csc
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-25
HROUGHG.N 1.AEN.G

Ask for Wells Trough on Germs. y 15c. Quick
ions. "''s VI D'"'