Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-08-17

A love letter may be said to be writ
of attachment.
A rousing call to arms-The midnight
yell of the baby.
"Beware of limitations" as the monkey
said to the dude.
1t isn't hard for man to mind his own
business, but it's awful tiresome.
Suspended animation-Two healthy
cats dangling from clothes-line.
1t is the man with the most property
that has the greatest will power.
When man is just about to sneeze you
couldn't buy him off with consulate.
An exchange says that ''the weak lungs
always go to the WALL" This is not true
of cats.
A camel sometimes lives to the age of
100 years. No wonder he has hump on
his back.
In the early Eden time domestic tran
guilty was never disturbed by a dispute
as to who would wear the breeches.
A grain of sand may be the germ of a
new world, but button in the right place
does more good in the rushing present.
A Cincinnati girl has invented COM
bination hustle and chair. 1t will be very
popular for skating Kinks next winter.
Artistic drunks are now made of double
width pavement, cut bias, and trimmed
with Gambrinus andre and julep green.
A writer asks, "Why does the modern
woman tire SO easily?" One reason is that
the modern woman usually has modern
husband to look after.
You cannot blame a German for his
fondness for lager. A language which
calls for such an awful strain on the
throat as his does is the party to censure.
"What are the last teeth that come?'
asked flynn teacher to her class in ply
siology. s'False teeth, num- replied a
boy who had just walked up on the back
seat.
Along about this season of the year a
man lays aside his religious training two
or three times day, in order to drive the
chickens out of he garden in proper
manner.
"Have you," asked the Judge of re.
Gently convicted man, ''anything to Offer
the court before sentence is passed." "No,
your Honor" replied the prisoner, ''my
lawyer took my last cent"
1t is claimed that the highest faculty
Of language is to conceal thought. II
may be, but when a man falls over a
wheelbarrow in the dark, it seems to lose
it's grip somewhat in that particular.
At a recent social gathering an Oshkosh
woman demonstrated that she could hold
her breath two minutes Within three
days afterward she got nineteen propos-
| ais of marriage and an offer from dime
| museum.
A Chicago woman, while seated on a
| wharf fishing, fell asleep. Waking sud-
| denly, she caught sight of the reflection
of one of her feet on the water, and, think
| ing it was her husbands dory, jumped in
| and was drowned.
1t is hoped that there will be no blood
shed between the Gentiles and Mormons.
| The death of Gentle does not amount
to much; but when Mormon is killed
| from seven to seventeen widows lose the
light of their life and the provider of theil
| groceries.
| OF course, everybody admires care
| full woman; but when a man has pulled
the street door to with a slam that made
the whole house shudder, it makes him
| fearful to have his wife ask in her gentle
way, care you sure you latched tina
door, Charles?'
A young lady whose very best youns
man lived over the way with his parents
took a seat by the window one cloudy
morning. "Why do you sit by the win
dow such chilly morning, Laura?" ask
ed her mother. "I'm waiting for the sol
to come out, ma," she replied.
|
taken out, assuring him that if he inhales
gas he would feel no pain. "What is tn
effect of the gas?" asked the man. 81
makes you insensible," said the dentist
"and you don't know anything that takes
place." The man took out his money
"Oh, never mind the fee until afterward,
remarked the dentist. 81 wasn't think
ing of that" said the patient, 81 onl,
wanted to see how much money l had"
| CONSUMPTION CURED.
An old physician, retired from practice, hayin
had placed in his hands by an East India missio
airy the formula of simple vegetable remed
for the speedy and permanent cure of CONSUMPTION
Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all throat and Luu
Affections, also positive and radical cure for Ne
yous Debility and all Nervous Complaints. Aft.
having tested its wonderful curative powers in tho
sands of has felt it his duty to make it know
to his suffering fellows. Actuated by this motix
and "A desire to relieve human suffering will ser
free of charge, to all who desire II ti,;s rac;,,,