Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-12
Another Funny Man Suppressed.

r. j. Burdette has quit the Burling-
ton HaWkeye, to which he has lent
much vivacity for many years. l re-
member once hearing rim tell how he
got to joking in print. He was local
editor of the Peoria Transcript. He
had to fill two columns day. 1t was
hard work. Dog fights were scarce and
human beings were disgustingly sober
and eaceable. His page was dull.
At home was his wife ill of the dis
ease of which she finally died, and to
cheer her up he stayed at home an hour
or two at noon and wrote imaginary
local events of an exciting nature and
read them to her. They were grossly
improbable and funny. They did not
have debilitating effect on her, but
actually made her laugh, and one day
she said: Robbie this ridiculous stuff Of
yours is bad enough to print. Having
seen that l survive it why don't you try
it On your readers?n
He cautiously did so. dealing it out
in small doses. 1t was copied every
whero. remember copying some of
the idiocy myself away up in Minneso-
ia. This had been going on for . fort
night, maybe, when one day Mr.. Emory.
editor of the paper, sent to Robert re-
questing him to come to his private
room. ..Aha!' said Robert, rubbing
his hands and glowing from stem to
stern, I've fetched him! I've fetched
him! He's going to raise my salary"
"Mr. Burdette," said Mr.. Emory,
when the audacious youth was seated.
1.-TWO lunatics escaped from the asylum
last week. believe?
YES, sir; yes-two-but one Of them
was captured"
lone was captured, said the editor.
thoughtfully, ''one-only one. What
became of the other, Mr.. Burdette!"
He hasn't been found yet. answered
the jocose youth: they're securing the
woods for him."
lis it not possible that he may be
secreted about the building somewherea
In your room for instance?"
''Why. no, Mr.. Emory! What put
such an idea into your headp"
Have you among your friends any
body who is drivelling idiot, Mr.. Bur-
dette?"
No, sir, no, oh, no, sir l think notr'
protested the youth, moving uneasily in
his chair.
..Who might get into the Office and
insert articles without your knowledge
in your long absence at dinner, for
iustance?"
"Oh, no, Mr.. Emory, NO; why do
you ask?"
Il met an intoxicated man tho 9TH
er night going down the stairs. Who
II don't know, indeed" said Bur-
dette. 1--WE had just bounced him."
did he write anything for the pa
per clandestinely and surreptitiously
while he was here?" persisted the edi-
tor.
"Why no, of course; see everything
that goes in this page"
We'll then, Mr. Burdette, who is it
that makes those sickly attempts to be
funny that see in your columns every
day"
Burdette blushed, rubbed some dirt
off his left pantaloons leg with his right
boot, and said: g Really, Mr.. Emory,
Iyou see-I hardly-well-ths fact is
there's nothing avaricious about me,
Mr.. Emory, but I shall have to claim
those myself"
.'Oh" exclaimed the editor, feign-
ing surprise. you? Well, don't do so
any more. They make me melancholy.
They are dreadful lugubrious. They
seemed to have emanated from q wreck
ed brain. You can 60 to your room,
Mr.. Burdette. l wouldn't have thought
it of you. Don't do so any more. If
there's anything funny to be written,
I'll write it myself"
Burdetts went homo all broke up.
He resigned next day and crossed the
Mississippi. Il left. says the tumor-
ist, because, sincerely, l couldn't look
him in the face after that l had been
caught in the act and felt like a guilty
thingr'-Crofut in Kansas City Jour
nal.