The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1885-10-15

across my mlnu ana iOr once, couiu Hot uelp
it, / INDUCED in
REAL woMANIsH CRY.
I attempted to pray; it was impossible for
awhile; however, after it l was calmer and
more resolute. Had something to eat
to-day, and slept on a bed tonight"
That Ellsworth had the power of sentimental
diction is shown in the touching entry he made
on July 10 while still at Rockford. The entry
| is appended: WAS awakened from a sound
slumber last evening by the music of a cOrnet
band who were serenading Mrs. S. The moon
shone brightly, and barely perceptible breeze
from the river seemed to watt the music to me
with softness indescribable Under the infu-
ence of the spell gave free vein to my imagi-
nation, and it pictured to my mind such scenes
of happiness as l fear l may never enjoy. There
was nothing in the surroundings to induce
thoughts of conflict; my mind rather dwelt on
softer scenes. In my fancy | saw dear old
homestead embossed in gloomy old trees, whose
| wide-spreading branches seemed to wave to and
fro with gentle dignity, as if conscious of their
noble duty; the river with its islands; the
greenclad hills afar off; the great Dutch barn
and its denizens all; the poultry, dogs, and
even old Mink, with his soft eyes bcaming with
my imagination as when oft in boyhood l have
gazed upon them and tried to picture to myself
the great world beyond and
1 tried to fancy my loved parents in the enjoy
ment of all this beauty undisturbed by care,
but alas i! it brought with it so much of the
stern reality that my picture faded, and in its
place beheld another, which | behold every
| day. The old man and woman, prematurely
aged, working and shaving for existence, their
minds tortured by anxiety for the future of
son at home, for the welfare of one too long abb
| sent; CT desires which even angels would smile
upon, constantly frustrated; of suffering, of
misrepresentation, and of the sum total of all that
| goes 10 fill to the brlm cup of misery from
which it seems we are fated to drink even to
the dregs. And yet how few are they who see
ing only the surface know of the secret misery
which feeds upon my very life. l know / have
great cause for thankfuness-for health for
enough 10 sustain life for much which thou
sands of poor wretches pray for in vain, for all
| this have to be thankful. And yet such is my
! organization, my temperament, and the combi-
nation of circumstances that have thus far given
color to my life, that though naturally of a joy
| Gus disposition, in looking back over the record
| OF 10 long years. written everywhere l find
| trouble, disappointment, misery. Not one ray
| of happiness beams upon me from the past.
| This is perhaps the first time have ever given
utterance to these feelings so plainly. 1t is
wrong, perhaps, but tonight l cannot help it.
| 1t is not the petulance of boy Wood nor the
! still more unreasonable egotism of the man
or omissions to other shoulders. 1t is not this.
l am too much in earnest. My life hitherto
has been a complete refutation of such a suppo-
sition.
HAVE TRIED TO ACT RIGHT,
have Stunned dissipation of every kind as I'M
worthy one who looked earnestly at life and its
duties have denied myself all pleasures, feel
ing that as long as my parents, whose best days
were devoted to their children, were compelled
tn No fo w
pleasure; have worked, toiled, suffered right
in the midst of plenty, as God is my witness, |
have gone SO long without food that in the soil
tude of my own room have nearly choked my
self in the extremity ofagony have walked the
street night after night through the long Winter
slept upon the hard boards, with no covering at
all this that l might succeed in that which
was every way worthy. All this l have en-
dured, not once, but long months years even,
rather than do aught unworthy of myself; and
what better am l to-day? What have | re-
ceived for it? Sneers from those whom fortune
favors kicks from those who think mans de-
sires and demeanor should graded by the food
he eats, the clothes he wears and when fortune
seemed about to smile on me, and in an evil
moment my fortune induced me to relax my
resolution long enough to live like human
being for a few days, until / cursed myself with
apaltry debt which was unexpectedly debarred
from paying, with what hearty good will was |
cursed. Not one Z" say to me that had their
sympathy, their confidence. No, forsooth! be-
cause all did not understand me; because my
affairs were not as patent to their eyes as the
monday sun, all condemned Let some one
who knows human nature so well, who judges
unswervngly, who pirates SO learnedly of the
happiness of success, let such an one sacrifice
everything for some great purpose, commit no
wrong, and receive i'll return
THE TREATMENT HAVE BORNE,
al
Then they will understand my feelings, and
account for their existence in the mind of the
old man of 22'
In August, 1859, Ellsworth ceased keeping
regular diary, but jotted down on stray pieces
of paper the more important incidents of his
peculiarly interesting life, which unfortunately
have been lost. On the Goth of the following
June he took the United States Cadets upon the
tour already referred to, and was absent from
Chicago for several months. 1t was upon his
return that he net Lincoln, as has already been
said, whom he short time afterward, accom-
panied to Springfield, and eventually to the
White House.
burg, Saratoga Co., n. Y, and are in comforta-
bic circumstances, the father receiving the pay
of retired Captain of cavalry. The wife of
Jackson is living with a married daughter in
Washington, the sonin-law being an Office
holder under the municipal Government.
Sdpb Tank DTOWUSlI, UHe UIldU SnOC jack
son, is connected with the Pension Bureau He
left the Fire Zouaves Immediately after Els
worth's death and allied his fortunes with an
other regiment, and gained promotion for gal
liant conduct. He was First Lieutenant in
the Regulars until 1870 when he retired from
the army. Ellsworth in appearance was fine
specimen of well developed manhood. He was
five feet five, and weighed $50 pounds. His
voice was clear and wonderfully musical; his
eyes dark and penetrating hazel his hair q
triiie long and black, while his mouth and chin
bore the stamp of unbending determination.
He was very quick in his motions, and Of
highly nervous organization. he was
MILITARY ENTHUSIAST
and warlike fanatic. He was long-sufering
and patient but always bore himself with
dignity beyond his years. The day upon which
he took command of the Cadets in Chicago he
was weak from hunger, having had nothing in
the way of food for "a hours, yet he conducted
himself in a manner which would have been
highly appropriate to a Prince, and permitted
no sign OF his suffering to escape. Upon this
occasion he presented the following regulations
to the members Of the company, which are a
good Illustration Of his character:
abstinence from entering drinking saloons,
houses of ill-fayne, gambling hells and all dis
reputable places under penalty of expulsion,
publication in the city papers of the offenders
name, and forfeiture of uniform, etc, to the
company. You will be required to treat all
members of the company as brothers, and OBJ
serve strictly the company regulations; obey
the orders of your officers and conduct Yourself