The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-03-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

AhC VI tnc COSldi-
lists is Freedom from labor, anxiety,
and sorrow" They can get it all in
Heaven, but don's want to go there.
An obituary notice in San Francis
co paper referred to deceased citizen
as having ''gone to happier home. "
This seems to be an unnecessary ex-
posure of family affairs.
Slugger Sullivan is going to Eng
land and Slugger Ryan is also going to
cent opening for a shipwrecki-St
Louis Gio6e-Denaocrat.
A man in Georgia tells of q ten
pound trout which stopped a mill
wheel. Either the wheel must have
been smaller than the trout or the lie
bigger than the mill. -Boston Post.
A superstitious correspondent writes
to inquire if the bowling of a dog at
night is sign of approaching death in
the family. In well-regulated house
hold it is sure sign, provided the dog
is regarded as one of the family.
cinnatt Enquirer.
From French newspaper: A rabbi
is instructing a child of Israel in the
story of Joseph and Potiphar's wife.
He adds: Joseph fled from Potipt ars
house, leaving there his MANTLE The
innocent boy replied: "Was it sec
ond-hand clothes shop?''
Edith: $50 you have an alto voice,
have you, dearp and you would like to
know whether alto voices are not very
rare in comic opera? Yes, dear, they
are very rare; in fact, Edith, most of
those which we have heard have been
almost raw. "-BOston Post.
Cincinnati LADY, was surprised
to learn of your marriage. l saw no
mention of it in the newspapers. Gin
cinnati Bride-It was very quiet af-
fair-half dozen kegs of lager and a
few sky-rockets from the roof. Mann
mas health, you know, is far from ro-
bust-Nea0 York San.
30, Mr.. Smith," said young lady
at church fair, II want your help for
a moment. Certainly replied Mr..
Smith; what can / do for you?" Il
have just sold tidy for SIS that cost
10 cents, and [ want you to tell me
what percentage that is "a trans
action of that kind, my dear Miss b."
said Mr.. Smith, who is a lawyer, ''gets
out of percentage and into larceny
Neso York Commercial AdUertiser.
George" she said one day, '.you
think the bread that Mary makes is
extraordinarily nice; but you have new
er tasted of my bread" mo, dear"
replied George, his voice quivering
with emotion, Il have had my misfor-
tunes, l have tasted of your pie once;
but thus far Providence has preserved
but there are depths of misery that l
know not of. ''-BoSton Transcript.
Wife-John, what is this faith
cure read of so much? Husband
Marriage, my dear. Marriage. Wife
l don understand how marriage can
have anything to do with it. Please
explain yourself. Husband-Well, be-
fore married you my faith led me to
believe that you were a perfect angel;
since l married you | have been en-
tirely cured of that faith. That is
what is called ''faith cure. "-Phila-
deLphia Call.
The postof1ice at Leek, N. L, is a
curiosity since the recent fire there
The letter boxes were destroyed, and
tomato and peach cans are nailed to
the wall and used instead. A novel
plan has been adopted to designate the
boxes. j. E. Buttons bears a large
button. Mr.. Coles has piece of coal
attached Mr.. Woods can is marked
by piece of wood. MIR. Cobb's, a
piece of corn-cob, and Mir. Knott finds
his mail in the can with a hemlock
knot attached.
A Santa Rosa church elder demand
ed that his minister be investigated"
because the latter got into fight with
a couple of h0odiums and called on
local prize fighter Tor assistance. The
good man replied from the pulpit that
lin the first place the rowdics were
beating Chlnanan; and, in the next
place, when one rascal is holding my
legs and another is pounding me over
the head with a barrel stave, | don't
propose to stop and enquire about the
moral character of my reinforce
ments.' The investigation adjourned.
A fashionable youth of Hartwell,
Ga, who is of a very economical turn,
says local paper, has the habit, when
he sends note to his girl, of adding
this postscript: ''Give negro boy a
biscuit for carrying this note" Re-
Gently the young lady promptly sent
the young man quite a number of bis
cults, informing him that he could
henceforth prepay postage, and when
the ratons were exhausted to draw on
her for more. A cold wave now blows
between that young lady and her G.. o.
ID. young man.
On the St. Lawrence We once met
poor Indian who had just come out of
prison. A more woe-begone and
fredericksburg man we never saw.
He was as limp as a week old paper
collar. Ibid they starve you in pris-
on?" No" Ibid they treat YOU
with cruelty, overtask you with labor,
or torture you in the dark cell?" mo;
the great white chief did none of these
things" Then why this tortured
look, and why is my red brother so
anguished?" They made me wash
myself. Ughn'-Toronto Mall
Did you see Mrs. Van Saltseller
Splurges Biff at Mrs. Old Cheese's re-
ception?n one gentleman asked an
other Yes; covered with diamonds,
WISH [ Snce Just loaded with them,
It's a wonder old Biff allows his wife
to dress in that way; he's so common
in things himself. YOU know" al
low her! Why, she dresses for him!
He can't wear diamonds himself, so
he gives them to her. Then people
will say, Who is that lady encrusted
with gems? why, don't you know9
That's Mrs. Van Saltseller Splurges
Rif, wife of Snindleshank Biff, the
great millionaire-' There's where old
Bitf comes in. See" -IHtSburg Chron-
icIe.
A Holbrook man named A. Beamen,
80 years old, is not old enough to know
that there is no such a thing as per-
petual motion. His children have had
him put under guardianship because
he has spent so much money on ma
chine which, when he gets it eomplet-
ed, is to ''revolutionize the world" and
''set right natural philosophy" which
is now all wrong, Mr., Beaman says.
tho ton ba ruoS I