davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

A large, strong man dressed in q uni-
form, and armed to the teeth, knocks
at the door Of hut on the coast OF
Africa.
@Who are you, and what do you
wantg" asks voice from the inside.
I'm the name of civilization, open
your door or I'll break it down for you,
and fill you full of lead"
"But what do you want here?"
"My name is Christian Civilization.
Don't talk like fool. you black brute.
What do you suppose l want here but
to civilize you, and make a reasonable
human being out of you, if it Is pos
sible,"
What are you going to do?'
"ln the first place, you must dress
yourself like white man. It's shame
and disgrace the way you go about.
From now on you must wear under
clothing, a pair of pants, vest, coat,
plug hat, and pair of yellow gloves.
l will furnish them to you at reasona-
BILE rates"
"What shall I do with them?"
"Wear them, of course. You didn't
expect to eat them, did you? The first
step in civilization is in wearing proper
clothes"
"But it is too hot here to wear such
garments. I'm not used to them. I'll
perish from the heat. Do you want to
murder me?"
well, if you do die, you will have
the satisfaction of being martyr to
civilization"
UV1,x 49, xx~-~
"Don't mention it. What do you do
for living, anyhow"
when / am hungry / eat banana.
1 eat, drink, or sleep, just as feel
like it."
What horrible barbarityl You must
settle down to some occupation, my
friend. If you don't, Ill have to lock
you up as vagrant."
@If I've got to follow some occupa-
ton, think I'll start coffee house.
I've got good deal of coffee and sugar
on hand"
"Oh, you have, have you? Why, you
are not such hopeless case as 1
thought you were. In the first place,
you want to pay me fifty dollars"
~What for?"
"As an occupation tax, you ignorant
heather. Do you expect to get all the
blessings of civilization for nothing?"
But haven't got any money"
"That makes no difference. I'll take
1T out in coffee and sugar. If you don't
pay up I'll put you in Jail"
What is Jail"
"Jail is progressive word. You
must be prepared to make some sac
rifces for civilization, you know"
what great thing civilization isl
"You cannot possibly realize the ben
efits, but you will before get through
with you"
The unfortunate native took to the
woods and has not been seen SINCE
n. e. S,ceet, IN Teras Siftings.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Chinese Woman,s Tresses.

Joe James, whose other name was
left behind him in the Flowery King
dom, reioices in the possession of the
only Acknowledged wife this side of the
Mississippi. He is as proud of her as is
O boy of new red wagon. When re-
porter of the press saluted the slant
eyed beauty in the store last evening
she sat upon a tea chest, coyly display
ing the tips of her tiny feet, for she is
"lttle-foot" woman her husband says.
She wore her hair in wonderful style
like the wings of bat. making her hair
resemble schooner yacht running be-
fore the wind, with foresail and main
sail spread to port and starboard. The
black tresses were stiffened with wires
and glossy with grease. 1t takes six
hours to do up this wonderful head
dress, and in order that the dizzy affair
shall not be spoiled, the fair owner
sleeps with block of wood under her
neck. In this way the dressing of the
hair lasts three weeks.-Phiiadelphid
Press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
The Present Generation

Lives at telegraphic speed-eats too fast, retires
too late, does not rise betimes, smokes, aud
talas. that we should have to say it'd chews too
much tobacco. The consequences are dyspep-
STA, general absence of that robust and manly
vigor which characterized our ancestors, and a
manifest proneness to early decay. Regular
hours, due allowance OF time for meals the
dsuse of excessive smoking. and altogether of
chewing tobacco. in connection with course Of
Hostetter's Stomach Btters, will in nine cases
the laws of health indicated above. A want OF
stamina, dyspepsia, nervousness, and bilious
ness are among these consequences, and they
are bodily ills to the removal Of which the Bit
ters is specially adapted. Nor Is the Bitters les
fitted 10 overcome and prevent fever and ague,
kidney and bladder troubles. and rheumatic
ailments 1t is also fine appetizer and pro-
moter of convalescence.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

From an account in the Century of
John Brown at Harper's Ferry, written
by one OF his prisoners, who was in the
engine-house during the instruction,
and afterward held the rank of Captain
in the Confederate army, we quote the
following: when Lieut.. Stuart came
In the morning for the final reply to the
demand to surrender, got up and
went to Browns side to hear his answer.
Stuart asked, Are you ready to sur
render and trust to the mercy of the
Government
Brown answered promptly, No! I
prefer to die here
His manner did not betray the least
fear.
@Stuart stepped aside and made the
signal for the attack, which was in
stantly begun with sledge-hammers to
break down the door.
Finding it would not yield, the SOL
diers seized O long ladder for a batter
ing ram, and commenced beating the
door with that, the party within firing
necessarily. had assisted in the bar
Reading, fixing the fastenings SO that
/ could remove them upon the first eff
lOft 10 Bct III. Dub Il was not AT the
door when the batterIng began, and
could not get to the fastenings until
the ladder was used. / then quickly
removed the fastcnings, and after two
or three strokes of the ladder the en-
CINE rolled partially back, making q
small aperture, through which Lieut.
Green of the marines forced himself.
jumped on top of the engine, and stood
a second in the midst of shower of
balls, looking for John Brown. When
he sow Brown he sprang about twelve
feet ut him, and gave On underthrust
of his sword, striking him about mid
way the body, and raising him COM
plebely from the ground. Brown fell
forward. with his head between his
knees. aud Green struck him several
times over the head. and. as / then
supposed, split his skull at every stroke.
Il was not two feet from Brown at
that time. OF course got out OF the
bnilding as soon as possible, and did
NOT know till some time later that
Brovn was not killed. IL seems that
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Too Particular.

A male sparrow discovered piece of
bright-colored calico lying on the grass.
At his summons dozen hen sparrows
approached and he was about to divide
the prize among them, when dispute
arose as to whether the colors we're fast
or not. The calico was carried to the
frog pond for the purpose of deciding
the question, but before the washing
could be completed rag-picker APP
peared and the birds were left minus
the calico and with the doubt unsolved.
-NeiU York Sun.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
A Performing Owl.

A prominent Clinch County physi-
clan has an owl that roams about
loose at his house. and is q terror to
cats and mice. Not only is he useful
for this, but he is rare bird, the doc
tor having taught his owlship some
rare tricks. For instance, he will take
the owl and whirl him around and
about his hands, and will then put him
upon the floor or table upon his back,
side, or any other position he may see
proper, telling the owl to sleep, and he
will remain perfectly quiet. The Doc
tor can then tell the owl to dream O
bad dream and awake frightened, when,
after about thirty minutes, the bird
will Jump up from the table, appar-
emily in a great fright, popping his
bill, and showing other signs of alarm.
-SGua9lnah Neios.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

Victor HUGO was a great lover OF
children and was continually made to
feel their watchful care. The adora-
ton of the young became one of his
ruling passions. Jules Claretie, the
novelist, relates: "One day he said to
me, DO you know how define para
disc? A place where parents will al
ways be young and children little"
He was passionately fond of his grand
children. Georges and Jeanne, and one
of his greatest Joys was when he had a
number of staid political friends in his
parlor, or work to finish, to come in
with doll hanging out of his coat-tail
pocket, and to walk about with Georges
and Jeanne trotting behind him, their
eyes riveted on the plaything, until
slowly and softly they relieved grandpa
of his burden.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
A Loaded Bug.

A very extraordinary occurrence took
place recently at the residence of one
of our prominent citizens. The fam
lily were sitting in the parlor in the
evening, when bug was seen crawling
on the table. One of those present
seized the insect and placed it in the
lamp, with the view of cremating it.
A loud report was instantly heard, and
the lamp chimney was blown to atoms.
The explosion was certainly connected
with the insect, but in what manner we
leave it to the scientist to explain. -
San Die0O Sun.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

Wutu WIFI cuufdcteflSlsS AcyulclSm
Byron derided the credulity of him who
would Believe woman or an epitaph"
he may have had in mind Ben Jonson's
famous lines on the Countess of Penn
broke:
Underneath this sable hcarse
Lies the subject Of all verse.
Sydney's sister-pembrokc's motherI
Death ere thou hast slain another
Fair. and learnei. and good as sbe.
Time shall throw a dart at theel"
Could the memory of Shakespeare de-
mand loftier strains? Compare the
above with the quaintness and sim
plicity of the lines:
-Blest be the man who spares these stones.
And curst be he who moves my bones"
Inscribed on the tomb of the Bard of
Avon.
Strict adherence to mere matter of
fact has scarcely been considered the
special attribute OF an epitaph-though
the three following are well-authenti-
Gated examples of unvarnished detail !:
Sarah Yorke this life did resign.
Sixteen hundred and seventy mine.
-N0rUioh.
Here lies the body of William Wix,
One thousand seven hundred and sixty six
Richmond, Yorkshire.
here lies the BODY OF honest IOm fage,
Who died in the thirty-third year OF his age
-A0rufch Cathedral
And in the same connection may be in
stanced the inscription on the tomb of
the inn-keeper, buried in the church
yard opposite his hostelry:
Here lies Tommy Day,
Removed from over the way"
Latin was long considered the only
appropriate language for an epitaph.
1t is we'll known that DIR. Johnson re-
fused "to disgrace the walls of West
minister Abbey" with an English in
scription to the memory of Oliver
Goldsmith. This is the more to be de-
plored, since the Doctor could land
did write English epitaphs of merit
witness that upon Phillips, the mu-
sician-
'Sleep undisturbed within this peaceful shrine.
Till angels wake thee with note like thine"
Brevity, "the soul of w.t." has been
little considered in this class of compo-
sition, and GO, rare Ben Jonson" ex-
ceptedD there occur to the writer but
three IS remarkable in this particular
that upon DIR. Fuller
-Fuller's earth
OpOh Dui DuSc, oho aSeoi, oALuplO
stage direction:
Exit Burbage."
And the happy combination of eulogium
and farewell to the memory of Knight,
the publisher
Good Knight
Successive generations have pressed
into this service such time-honored eff
fusions as Affections sore long time
1 BORE" etc.
And the really beautiful lines by DIR.
Doune upon deceased infant
Ere sin could blight, or sorrow fade,
Death came with friendly care;
The opening bud to heaven conveyed,
And babe IL blossom there"
have appeared upon hundreds of tombs.
The touching subject of infant mortali-
ty finds also fitting expression in the
two following:
Just with her lips the cup of life she pressed,
Found the taste bitter--and declined the rest. 7"
This babe entombed on the world did peep,
Disliked it-closed its eyes-and fell asleep"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
A Four-FOoted Rird.

A four-footed bird, inhabiting the
Island of Maraio, in the Lower ANA
zon, was q short time ago described by
Mr.. Il. M. Brigham. 1t is only during
Infancy that the remarkable feature of
this bird is seen, the two fore-feet APP
pearing early in the development of the
embryo and continuing perfectly form
ed for several days after Matching,
when they are gradually shed. The
geological name of this singular
creature is Opisthocoma cristata.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
The Philippine Islander and His Hat.

Felt and wooden hats are exported
in large quantities from Germany to
the Philippine Isles. The hat is the
great article of adornment worn by the
ENTHUSIASTICALLY is anybody without
it"--but it must be of European origin.
The homemade cane hats are relegated
to homely wits and slender purses.
Especial value is placed on bright
colored silk lining, with ticket nicely
printed in gold. Indeed, when the hat
is new the Manila dandy carries it in
his hand, so that people may admire
the external splendor.-Hatter and
FaIrnisher.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
HAY FEVER.


E,Iy's Cream Balm was recommend
ed to me by my druggist as preventive to
Hay Fever Have been using IL as directed
since the 9Th of August. and have found IL a
specific for that much dreaded and loathsome
disease. For ten years or more have been
great sufferer each year, from August 9tn
till frost. and have tried many alleged RENE
dies for its cure, but Ely's cream Balm is the
only preventive / have ever found. Hay
Fever sufferers ought TO know of its efficacy.
FRANK Il. AINSwOhTH.
or Il. ID. AlNSwORTH * CO., Publishers,
Indianapolis, Ind.
have been afflicted with Hay Viewer for
seven years-Elys Cream Balm cured me
entirely.
III. ID. CALLAHAN, baggage Master,
/. a. ST. l.. X. H., Terre Haute, Ind.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

was the actual exclamation of an honest
physician. spoken OF one OF his patients TO
whom he had given calomcl for the cure Of
biliousncss and . diseased liver. And he had
saitudted him for certain. from which he
never recovered. All these distressing con-
sequences are avoided ny the use of DIR.
Pierce's Pheasant Purgative Pellets" n
purely vegetable remedy that will not sail
vate, but produce the most pleasing eject,
invieorate the liver. cure headache, dyspcp-
STA, biliousness, constipation, and piles. BY
druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
In regard to the operation for divid.

In regard to the operation for divid-
ing certain fibrous bands in the little
finger SO as to give pianists more free
dom in the use of it, the British Med
zeal Journal says that in the fourteen
cases of DR.. Forbes, of Philadelphia,
good functional results have been OBJ
tanned, but it suggests that "the effort
necessary to stretch any fibrous band
existing between the fingers is itself
useful. as tending to stretch all the
muscles attached to them"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

In making the thrust Green's sword
struck Browns belt and did moe peno-
trate the body. The sword was bent
double. The reason that Brown was
not killed when struck on the head was
that Green was holding his sword in
the middle, striking with the hilt and
making only scalp wounds"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

WASHINGTON, ID. C.-The son of Sena-
tor Frye, of Maine, who has been suffering
from a severe cold, which settled on his
chest, was cured by few doses of Red
Star Cough Cure. He publicly indorses it
as prompt, pleasant, and safe. Dr. Cox
calls it the best remedy. 1t contains no
opiates or poisons.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Gauring Cotton Spools.

Spools are made in immense numbers.
One factory turns out 100, 900 gross a
day and consumes $500 cords of birch
wood annually. The number of yards
of cotton on a spool is determined by
the size of the spool. The cotton is
never measured, but the spool Is
gagged to hold 100, 200 or 500 yards
CHICAGO Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

1T has been observed by Prof. Holde-
fieiss that beet seed sown in pot in
which the soil was exposed TO the cleo
trio light terminated two days earlier
than similar seeds without the action of
the electric light. Anothertinteresting
observation is that of He'd Scholler,
who has noticed an exceptional luxuri-
ance OF beets in O small spot khich had
been struck by lightning. ~
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

PURE Cod-Liver OIL, made from. selected
livers on the sea shore, by CAswELL, HAZARD
a. Co., New York. 1t is absolutely pure and
sweet. Patients who have once taken it
prefer it to all Others Physicians have de-
cided 1t superior to any Of the other oils in
market
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

A PHYSICIAN residing in Los Angeles,
CAL, claims that the death rate among
children there is proportionately very
small. And this he attributes TO the
climate, which renders possible an out
of-door life almost every day OF the
year, and fruit Mt all times. Foote's
Heath MonHily.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
GsentIy DOCS Ii.-Without pain or |

Gently Does lt.-without pain or irri-
tation DIR. WALKERS VINEGAR bITTERs re-
ieve the constipated bowels; at the same
time so thoroughly toning these inner mem
branes and restoring their mechanical action,
that IL seems as II they had been actually re-
organized on an improved planl Yet the re-
suit is solely due TO an effort of nature, re-
enforced, regulated, and sustained by the
purest and best Vegetable Alternative and
tonic that ever passed the lips OF the sick and
enfIprinQ
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

Good for Man and Beast! Read This!
Army and Navy Eminent will cure your
rheumatism, neuralgia, or Group In less time
than any other Eminent known. For sale
by all druggists. Fee advt. next issue.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Important.
xul.-. -. .xssI4. ~. Lama MAJ Xo-lr q

When you visit or leave New York CITY,
save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and
stop at the Grand Union Hotel. opposite Grand
cost Of one million dollars, reduced TO 81 and
upwards per day. European plan. Elevator.
Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs.
stage. and elevated railroad TO all depots. Fami-
lies can live better for less money at the Grand
Union than at any first-cas hotel In the city
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

A SPRING bonnet springs right or to
church.--Prttzets Weakly.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

No NATTER how fond n man may be OF
gambling, when he loses his money it is a
sort of ante-dote.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

The worst cases cured by DIR. sage's
Catarrh Remedy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Important.

How TO deaden tho sound of piano In
the next house-explode dynamite under the
player.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

MAUD Gan aristocratic child)-"How
pretty and clever you are, mother I'm
so glad you married into our family !"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
What WOld Fritz" Said.

IL was an aphorism of Frederick the Great s
that " Facts are divine things" An undis-
puted fact is that DIR. Pierce's "Golden Med
zeal Discovery" is the most powerful liver
vitalizer extant, and by its characteristic and
searching action will cure dyspepsia, consti
patton, dropsy, kidney disease, sick-head-
ache, and other maladies which, popular
opinion TO the contrary Notwithstanding, are
directly traceable to n diseased condition OF
the liver, by which its work as purifier of the
blood is made incomplete. All druggists.
How TO raise massachusetts up the ash
barrel on n windy day and the mussed- ashes
are sure to come out.--Terds SUttngs-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

IT'S a poor dress that won't turn both
ways.-Cdrl Pretzei.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
BITrTERS,

II you wish a certain cure for all Blood
diseases. Nothing was ever invented that viii
cleanse the Blood and purify the System equal
to Hops and MALI sitters. 1t tones
up the system, puts new blood In your
sleep, and brings you perfect health. IL
never fails To give relief Ia all cases OF Kidney
or Liver Troubles. Bilfousness, Indi-
gcstiOn. Constipation, Sick Headaches, Dys-
pc psia. Nervous disorders. and all Female
Complaints; when properly taken II is = sure
cure Thousands have been benefited by ID
in this and other Western Ststes 1t Is the best
Combination OF Vegetable remedies al yet
discovered for the restoration TO health OF the
Wenk and Debilttated. Do not get Hops
and MALT Bitters COMPOUNDED with infe-
rior preparations of similar name. / prescribe
Hops a Malt Bitters regularly I'm my practice.
Robert Turner. M. D., Flat Rock, Mich. For sale
by ell druggists
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Did you Sup

pose Mustang Liniment only good
for horses1 1t Is for inhamma-
ton of all flesh.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10

WHEN WHITING TO ADVERTISERS.
Va this paper.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-10
Epitaplls.

When with characteristics cynicism
Byron derided the credulity of him who
would Believe woman or an epitaph"
he may have had in mind Ben Jonson's
famous lines on the Countess of Penn
hroke.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-09-17
< REGULATORS IN FAIRFIELD.

For sometime past the papers have made
occasional reference to the doings OF bands
of white regulators in Fairfield county,
this State; but their motives were not fully
understood until last week, when thorough
investigation was made by a representative
of the Columbia Record. From his report,
it would seem that miscegeneration pre-
walls to some extent in that county, and it
is the determination of the regulators" to
abolish the practice in their midst.
The operations of the regulators date as
far back as last July, when some young
men visited farm near RidgeWay, where
lived white family named Boyles, and
one of the daughters living openly with a
negro man. Two others kept direputa-
BILE house for negroes. The regulators
whipped Boyles, his wife and two daugh-
ters, and warned them to leave the county
in ten days. Boyles begged to be allowed
to harvest his crop, and on account of his
poverty he was given leave to do so. But,
in the meantime, the original order being
disobeyed, the regulators gave the family
another whipping. Next the regulators
visited parties between Rid geWay and
Winnsboro and whipped them badly. Tom
Davis, who had a negro mistress, was next
visited. He got away, but his household
furniture was badly broken up and his col
ored family warned to leave. Tom Davis,
the richest merchant in RidgcWay, reported