The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-05-07
THE MERRY SIDE!

lHE MERRI NlDE!
The suicidal mania is helping the trade in
Trough on Rats" wonderfully.
"."
Spring chickens coming rapidly, and the
tom-cat is beginning to lick his chaps.
Advices from Panama say "the insurgents
have captured Colon" There should now be a
pause.
This bids fair to be good season for ice
cream. You can freeze it by simply setting it
out of doors.
The Ironton Register tells of family of
nine persons eating It's fish for supper. Aw, get
out! Those fish were oysters
=" 8"
The sad hearted gardener, as he delves into
the clay bank in his efforts to produce grass
plot, walls "I'm sod-ist when 1 sing"
So
Now that Gen. Grant is able to be about, let
him be furnished with good shotgun, that
his Doctors may suddenly take a Summer va
cation.
1.-THE base ball excitement has struck Parkers-
burg!" says lhe Marietta Register. Then why
don't they call it tout foul strike," and be
rid of it?
The European powers are ready for a free
fight all around, and each fellow is picking out
the one he is going to hit-if somebody else
doesn't hit him first.
Somebody has sued the Ironton Base Ball
Club, which did busines last season. There are,
according to the official papers, 9S stockholders
or, rather, 'sack- -holders.'
Speaking of the politeness of his sweetheart's
go to leave, he not only follows me to the gate,
but helps me through, to BooT!'
1t is claimed that Bismarck is urging Turkey
to side with Russia, in case of war between
England and Russia The old man wants to
little fun before he dies.
The Salvation Army in Marietta has nearly
two hundred converts, and about eighty "sol-
diers." 1t would be good time for the batta1-
lion to make a forced march for Paradise, be-
fore they begin to "straggle."
The House passed Senator Pruden's bill for
bidding the sale of intoxicating liquors between
the hours of l. p. m. and a.. m. They want to
conn pei the doggery keeper to let his victim go
home and sleep little.
The Eolian Club. of Gallipolis is "played
out" metaphorical1y speaking. having sold pi-
ano, carpets and fixtures. At the next dance
they will have to shoe it down the sandy
fioor.'
Gallia County is talking Jail. Take our
advice, friends and make hoop-pole stockade,
and hire man to watch it with a club. 1t will
be cheaper, and about as strong, as the modern
article
GalIipolis man named Neal had his money
drawer robbed, and Immediately arrested a
man named Thevenin, who proved his inno-
cence. They probably suspicioned him because
OF his name.
An exchange suggests that Tennyson would
write wonderful navy poem, were he the
American laureate, and had our navy for sub
ject. There would certainly be room for splen-
did play of imagination.
The fish liar is now farming in Indiana under
the name of Riley. A storm swept over his
farm few days ago raining down into a field
more than a wagon-load of fish, including a
large plumber of eels. No one can doubt it be-
cause he is a man of "strict veracty.''
Prominent Kentucky Democrats are hunting
documentary evidence to clear up the bad re-
cord of the departed Jake Thompson. This is
a greater undertaking than to prove that the
Democratic party is in favor of Reform. 1t will
take all the whitewash in Kentucky to cover it.
The New York Tribune thinks the sympa-
thies of this country should be with England,
in case of a war between that country and Rus
sia. She deserves our sympathy because she
wasted so much material in fighting us through
the Southern Confederacy.
Bro. Nash, of the Gallipolis Journal, is down,
with vengeance, on patent papers and stereo-
type blocks. So are we! How would it look
for hotel-keeper to place before guest meal
that had been chewed by some one else? Yet
it would be as fair sending out third and
fourth-rate reprint
The Columbus Dispatch acknowledges it's er-
ror in credlting to the Standard a nonsensical
paragraph threatening Republican revolt in
case Gen. Beatty should be nominated. 1t got
hold of the wrong paper. Why, the very idea
of going back on Beatty is revolving.
:" It"
A petition was presented to the Ohio House of
Representatives for The removal of Wylie, the
Common Pleas Judge accused of drunkenness.
But the Democratic side arose in its might and
referred the matter to the Judiciary Committee
because they couldn't see anything un-Demo-
cratic in it.
The Gallipolis Bulletin says that a lady could
make money by establishing select school in
that place, where manners, department, and
the rudiments of education, would be taught
properly. 1fthat's the condition of things, why
don't you get her to take charge of your public
schools at once.
A man stopped us on the street, few days
ago, and wanted to argue Scripture. We regard
life as too short for wholesale street arguments
of that kind, and excused ourself. But" said
he, "you will admit that God makes man a free
NJ oral agent, to choose the right way or the
wrong way. For instance, there is a church
over there is saloon. You may go one way
and may go the other. am myself a Christ
ian"-this ended the discussion. We were on
our way to church, and the other man was so
drunk he could scarcely stand. We have fire.
quently heard men declare they had not tasted
liquor for many months, when they were so
drunk at the time they could scarcely stand.