The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-15
RUMOR.

MuRMUR not 1T thy lot when another
mans house stands on it!-Barbers'
Gazette.
DoxKEys have powerful reaches with
their ears and at their rears.-White-
hall Times.
WHEN an astronomer sweeps the
heavens does it raise star dust PSF.
Paul Herald.
THE many beauteous lays called forth
By sunsets golden charms
Remind us that. In turn, the lays
Cause hen -sets on the farms
--Nerch0nf Ifdcetef.
A SUBSCRIBER wants to know why SO
many editors are bow-legged. That's
an easy question. It's because they
are overloaded with brains.
Independent
@WHY do we fire cannon and express
our ioy over Washington's birthday
and not over mine?" asked an Austin
school-teacher. Because Washington
is dead and you amt" was the irrev-
erent reply.-Terds Sittings.
IT is said that 1880, 900 cat-skins are
tanned annually. Forty years ago near
Iy that many boys skins wer tanned"
annually; but since the rod has been
banished from the public schools there
has been a falling of in the tanning
statistics. -NorristouC,a Herald.
Il HAVE too much respect for myself
to enter a saloon, sir" loftily, replied
Hewes street man when asked to step
in and have something. "Oh, all right,
there's drug store on the next corner.
Come along" replied his knowing
friend. Brooklyn Times.
WHEN a man gets so low down as to
write the drafts of his love letter upon
his old paper collars, he brings econo-
my down to point where it would be
well for him to calculate if his intended
should not be asked to pay for the Ii
cense provided he buys the ring. Fall
RiUer Advd71ce.
lido not like these palms, said Gus,
As on a lounge he rested,
They quite inspire lie to cuss,
My thews are SO invested
Hereat his cruel partner, Ben,
Remarked. in waggish spasm,
Pains shall enthuse the victim when
1t is In thews- he as -'em."
--YOnkers Gazette.
"HERE is a clever little article that I
am sure will meet with the appreciation
of your readers" he said, as he tiptoed
into the editorial-room. II am afraid"
replied the editor, as he looked it over,
that it will not meet with the appro-
baton of my readers" "No? Why
not?" Because it will never have
chance" -Ne,o York Times.
A sTEADY-woRKING mechanic of
Stockton, Cal, was seized with the
humble ambition of becoming police
man. He got the place, took to drink,
and died in few days as the result of
dissipation. The difference between q
California and New York policeman
seems to be that the one gets drunk
and dies and the other gets drunk and
some one else dies. Philadelphia
Times.
UPON one occasion when Artemus
Ward was in London children's party
was arranged by the great humorist,
and to which one of tife sons of John
Bright was invited. The boy returned
home aglow with delight. WE'LL"
said the English statesman to his son,
did you enjoy yourself, my boy ?" ooh,
indeed 1 did," exclaimed the little
Bright, "and Mr.. Ward gave me such
nice name for you, papa" What was
that?" inquired the father. "Why, he
asked me how that gay and festive cuss,
the governor, was!" replied the child.
brooklyn Magazine.
"CLARl BELLE" wants to know what
young man won't do when he's in love.
Well, he won't eat onions, he won't give
his attention to his business, he won't
wear poorly laundried shirt, he won't
go to see his girl until he has oiled his
hair and scented his pocket bandker-
chief, he won't leave his girl at night
until he hears the step of her exasperat-
ed father on the stairs, he won't believe
his girl is anything but an angel, for
he never saw her hanging out the wash
ing with SIX clothes pinssin her mouth
at one time. He won't take no for an
answer when he is parting with her on
the stoop and asks for "just one," he
won't-but what's the use of going
further? Give us harder one, Clara.
boston Courier.
NOT ON THE MASH.
Down the avenue one day
/ was strolling, when fai-
Ry-footed little sylph CHANGED to see:
And. she came trimming by