Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1885-04-04

tainly unwise to make the cause OF tenn
perance obnoxious by feeding it to the
people day times, and then waking them
up in the night to ask them if they have
violated their solemn obligation. You
may convince . rational human being,
but you cannot teach him q great truth
by painting it on any board fence in the
civilized world, and then running him
into the fence until you smashed his
nose several times, and taught him to
despise both you and the cause you rep
resent.
The above solemn chunk of philosophy
was written for me by a warm personal
friend, who told me when I got tired of
writing mere froth and foam and foolish
ness for the amusement of a sorrowing
world, and wished to put together few
sentences of sense to surprise the public
with, he would be tickled to death to
come around after office hours and write
me few without charge.
But it was not on the subject of tenn
perance itself that started out to speak.
I desired to PROFOUND to the readers of
The 1ngleslde conundrum or query. 1t
is this: Why is it that when a man be-
comes beastly drunk, idiotically inebria-
ted, and hilariously full, he will start out
at once with what remaining strength
he may have to hunt me up and converse
with me till his lower jaw gets loose and
ia Is off on the ground with a sickening
thud?
Is it because l am good natured and
show unusual conversational powers, or
is it beause the idea of hunting me up
and associating with me does not occur
to man until he is very, very drunk?
However this may be, it is indeed a
chilly day when do not spend an hour
or two in social converse with a man who
is uproariously drunk, sleepy drunk, con-
fdentially drunk, tearfully drunk, affec-
tionately drunk, maudlin drunk unsteady
drunk, incoherently drunk, sorrowfully
drunk, abusively drunk, politically drunk,
oratorically drunk admirably drunk, crit
ically drunk, disorderly drunk, peacefully
drunk ,ornamentallY drunk, or justsimplY
drunk.
He may be in a neighboring State
when the wild, ungovernable desire
comes over him to put something in his
mouth which will ultimately steal away
his brains, unless he has taken the pre-
caution to have them concealed about
his person, but in the first stage of his
inebriety he gets ticket to where l am,
and then he goes on with the debauch.
He generally finds me at last, and he
sails up to where am and begins to
converse. It seems to me that q great
deal of my time is taken up conversing
with parties who meet me on the street
or at stations or in hotels, and then talk
with me several hours at time while
under the influence of intoxicating
liquor.
I presume fifteen hundred men have
held me by the hand and sworn that ev-
erything they had was at my service.
Money, clothes, houses, jewelry, or any.
thing else they had was none too good
for me. Then they would wiring my
hand again and start to 60 away, but
they would always return and take some
more, and when would swoon and fall
over they would reluctantly 60 away.
When 1 ventured to remind them the
next day of their kind offer to supply
me with funds they most generally fail
to call it to mind. Sometimes they ask
me in an injured tone of voice if 1 ex-
pected to hold man responsible for all
the promises he makes to the innumer-
able common fools he meets while drunk.
So I desire to give notice in this pub
lie way that on and after this date I
shall not hold any more open-air COM
munications with common drunkards,
and, as want to be perfectly fair and
just toward all, am willing to bind my
self in similar way not to try to con-
verse with sober people while l may
he drink Now If there he ANYTHING
unfair or unreasonable about this propo-
sition I am willing to alter it, 80 that no
one can find fault with it. want to do
exactly what is right, and I do not re.
quire anything whatever of others that
l am not perfectly willing myself to SUBJ
NIT to.