The Bad Lands cow boy. [volume] (Little Missouri, Dakota [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-1886, 1885-04-02
The Society Call

q ticed, is nuisance Of great and vast
proportions. 1t is one of those heri-
q tages of the past which, like the but.
tons on the back of mans coat,
though neither useful nor ornamental,
are retained because no: one is willing
to set the fashion of getting along
without them. 1t is like an offensive
pond on q rich mans land, from time
lmmemorial an -eye-sore to all the
neighbors, yet not abolished because q
united movement among those inter-
ested is impossible, and unless all are
united efforts at it's abatement are USE
less. Z e & .% II
4 But among all the absurdities of So;
cial habits and customs, there is GER
ltalnly none moro absurd than fashion,
able calling. 1t may be set down as q
fundamental principle of the subject,
that, so far as your entertainers are
concerned, they do not caro- a button
whether they see you OF. not, and as to
yourself, it is equally: Gel tain that no
call pleases you better than that made
at house where the inmates are not
at home. This being clearly under
stood, and the further fact remem-
bered that during the progress. of
social call the entertainers and enter
tainees are heartily wishing each other
dead or at home, the beauties of the
system come more prominently into
view than ever before. "a;
But suppose you are a gentleman,
and preparing to go calling. You in
woke the assistance ofyour tailor, for
it is we'll known that one of the lead
ing purposes of social visiting is to
furnish an opportunity for tho display
Of new raiment, and having inserted
: yourself into your garments with due
care, introduced your feet into tooth
pick shoes three sizes too small, and
astonished your Uranium by crowding
it into athat never intended for it, you
sally forth to do your social duties.
care the ladies at homep'' Eyes, sir;
the ladies are at home,'' And YOU
are shown into the parlor to await
their coming, which may be in half a
minute or in half an hour, accord ;ng
to the habits of the ladies aforesaid,
who may be in. a state of chronic neg
lige, and therefore require time to pre-
pare for q becoming entrance.
You amuse yourself by looking
around the parlor at the various OBJ
Jects there displayed for the edifcation
OF such sufferers as yourself, take q
look in tho mirror to make sure that
the tuft of hair at the back of your
head is lying, down and not erect as
usual, give your cravat an extra touch,
and when you hear rustling in the
, hall compose yourself in chair in a
position suggesting perfect ease, but
from which you can rise at moments
notice to greet your entering hostess.
She enters, and asks you how you do,
and you tell her you do very we'll,
thank you, for it would be out of or
: der to tell her. that your head aches
from the tight hat, and your back feels
like it would break from the tight coat,
and your corns are red-hot from the
tight shoes. Then she tells you it is a
fine day, and you tell her: "Yaas, it is
2 remarkably fine day for calling"
and the: serious work of entertaining
! begins. 5t H.. E. ~ 3 2 ?
The feast of reason, that follows will
be notable, chiefly from the desperate
attempts to keep up a conversation
without saying any thing. Words must
be used, and that in abundance; but
the fewer the accom- panying ideas the
& more successful the entertaining.
since it is understood that the parties
to the conversation are not at all in
j terested in the subject-matter, and SO
: 1t is Of no consequence whether any-
: thing is: said or not. SO long as q con-
tinual noise is kept up which bears
some distant resem blance to intelli-
I gent discourse. You will therefore
{ not be surprised to learn that the
/ weather has been bad for some time,
/; nor that she hopes it will now continue
i good until it turns bad again; I'm
portant matters like these are not to be
neglected. in social calling, for they are
the life Of the call, and the caller,
more than any other member of soci-
: ETY., earns his reputation by the sweat
Of his jaw. u A:5. h.
); Occasionally some glimpse of reason
will appear in the conversation of your
Z hostess, and when they do they will
always be characteristic Of the woman.
II you heed these you will be able, at
subsequent calls, to give her the i'm
preston that you are avery intelli-
gent man, by leading RECOMMENDATION
into such channels as she is interested
in. and inducing her to suppose that
[ she herself is a woman of extra smart
ness when she succeeds SO well in en-
tertaining you. Every woman has her
hobby, and it is by ascertaining it and
bringing her to talk about it that YOU
:, will succeed in getting the brain-wear-
ling task of Cabling for fifteen min
: utes without giving utterance to an
/ idea, transferred from your shoulders
to hers. (: /. r. .5s. 8
!. 1t may be dress, and ifso, you shall
: hear Of cores and bias pieces and tucks
and frills and futing and other "trip
;, peries innumerable, for quarter of an
: hour at a time, without an interval
! even for breath. It may be her chill
;, dren, in which case all the smartness
: they have done for the last six months
viii be treasured up and repeated,
with a thousand additions from the
Imagination of the fond parent, and
! you will be lucky IL all tho family,
: down to the baby, be NOT paraded for
i your especial behoof. It may be house.
hold affairs, and in that case YOU NAV
3 be cure that the utter worth essness Of
Y all manner and condition Of servants
= Will be the burden of the song. Hmay
be church affairs, when you will learn
g all tho good and bad points of the
& preacher except those he made in his
= last sermon, to which there will invar-
ably be complete obliviousness. It
a may be missionary enterprise, upon
which You will be enlightened as to
: the respective moral blindness of tho
inhabitants of Timbuctoo as compared
Z with the people Of the Congo Valley.
is5 But whatever it is she will be in earn