The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-05-08

..ono uAo Ht Cii0 OutSeC-tlef0 Is nothing
lean say that I have not said thous.
aud times before, aud the facts in re-.
gard to that far.away region are 30
marvellous that Eastern and Southern
people laugh me to scorn when l tell
them. At the annual banquet of the
famous Glover Club, of Philadelphia.
last January; at the opening of the Chi.
cago, milwaukee, and st. Paul Rail-
ways beautiful display, just over there,
ten days ago; and at o dinner party
given mo few evenings since by one
OF my boyhood friends and playmates.
the accomplished editor of the New
Orleans TIMEs-DEMocRAT, who sits
upon this platform, 1 made some
SIMPLE, commonplace statements about
Dakota, and in each and every
instance my hearers roared their
lncredulity in my very face. Every
where L have been since, I have
found myself canonized with Ana.
MAS, Baron Munchausen and Tom
,ocinltr1e; although know that 1 can,
mere and now, produce at least 500 es-
unable and veracious Dakotans, like
my friends fleming, Grisby, Sterling.
Wallace, Scott and Skinner, who will
make atfidavits, on stack of North
western railway guide-booksa mile high,
to the absolute truthfulness or every
assertion I made.
l. told these scoffing unbelievers that
Dakota is peerless but modest land.
that never sounds the fish horn of its
own fame. That it is the worlds true
wonderland, where no storms or TEN.
pests ever blow. and where all the
breezes are trained to sing psalm tunes
IN pianisslmo style. Our widest biz
yards, as unenlightenel Southerners
and down casters delight in terming
them, are used by gentle mothers to
lull their babes to sleep. The
sun shines ever with o mellow
sPlendor that calls to mind the far
famed Happy Valley of Rasselas. and
there is just frost enough in our win
ters to turn the elm leaves golden. No
summer drouths or winter floods spread
devastation over the fields and hopes of
our husbandmen. No army worms or
grasshoppers sweep those fertile plains
and valleys with nibbling desolation.
No hard storms rattle their DESTROYING
musketry upon the grains and fruits
and plate-g glass windowpanes of that civ
slunl-except now and then Just enough
to furnish business to our ambitions
young home hail insurance companies.
Bananas bloom in November, and
Young oranges are dug the day before
Christmas. Raisins, striped stick candy,
tin horns and gunjun rubber dolls ripen
always Just in time for Santa Claus
peddler- wagon, with his reindeer team
and his little round stomach that shakes
when he laughs like a bowlful of ielIy, !"
Pineapples and figs grow Spontaneous
ly on Characteristic bushes everywhere.
while the cottonwood and dog.
fennel trees yield brook trout, nectar.
ines and persimmons, of large size and
flavor, u canal-boat load to the acre.
Spring roses blossom on tie plain, gen.
tie Annie. for New Years posses. and
potatoes grow as big as beer kegs at
the roots of every tuft of prairie grass.
AS Ii We often remarked, it is no I'M
common thing for whole Dakota fam.
ny to sit on one end of q potato while
the other end is roasting in the fire.
Cabbageheads, of full Congressional
and Senatorial size, give forth the fra
GRANGE of the iessamine and honeysuck-
ing to llumming birds as large as canvas.
back ducks, and clad in all the prismat-
&c glories of the aurora borealis. We
hatch our own wild geese, of such di-
mansions that Eastern and Southern
tenderfeet are liable to mistake them
for winged hippopotami,' on lakes of
never-freezing rosewater and cologne
we wall up for wells the holes from
which we pull, with steam derricks and
1900 horse power Corliss engines, our
radishes and beets, and make cow-sheds
anu clrcls-tents Of our turnlp rinds.
We put rockers under our empty pea.
pods and use them for cradles. When
we want new union depot for our con.
stantly extending railroads, VIC simply
cut doors and windows, and lay side
tracks and switches in one of our ordi-
nary field pumpkins. We ship our
cornstalks for bridge timbers and tele-
graph poles, and cut our wlieat-straw
INTO stove.wood and wagon-spokes.
Dakota is the sole remaining quarter
section of paradise in all the Western
world. There no wave of trouble ever
rolls across the peaceful breast, and the
prosperous people who raise from
twenty-five to seventy-tive bushels of
golden wheat to the acre of land that
costs them nothing, and get a dollar a
bushel for it, can calmly smile at Satan's
rage and face frowning, because less
fortunate, y universe of ancient states and
populations.
l made many other similar mild rep
reservations. but they were all greeted
with Just such audible smiles Of unbe-
lief as you give me now. But, testing
aside, look at this magnificent exhibit
OF natural wealth and restless energy
and enterprise; remember that but ten
years ago the whole grand region from
which it comes was all almost pnbroken
buffalo pasture and Indian
hunting ground land then tell me wheth.
ar you think it would be possible for
human genius to exaggerate the story
Of Dakota's infinite riches and ,,npar.
alleled growth. In all seriousness it is
land of miracles. where the truth is
stranger than fiction, and / wish to
give You few facts and figures in re-
gard to it.
Dakota is the largest and most impor,
Iant territory over which the starry
banner Of the union floats. With it's
lob goo square miles Of area it is great.
er and srander in domain than Maine,
New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachu.
sets, Rhode Island. Connecticut, New
Iork, New Jersey, Delaware and half
Of Pennsylvania combined-almost
equal to the whole country from the St.
Lawrence to the Potomac, and from
The Atlantic to the Alleghanies. 1t is
$1,000 square miles, Or nearly 10000, 900
lcres. larger than all Great Britain and
ireland. with the Isle of Man and Mrs.
Langtry's jersey thrown in. As densely
populated as Connecticut, it would have
l6, 9G5, 900 people, and as densely popu-
ated as England it would maintain So.
$50. 900.
Its resources are as rich and varied
IS ITS area is vast. Within its borders
lie the grandest grain fields and coli