The state chronicle. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1883-1893, 1885-10-23
A BU DGET OF BILLINGS.
HE LOOKED CN THE SUNNY SIDE
OF LIFE AND TOOK 1T As JOKE.
Josh Billings Fun was Not all FOOLISH
ne>>..There was Sound Sense in the
Midst of the ShOWeTing Sparks OF Fun.

Josh Billings Fun was Not all Foolish
ness--There was Sound Sense in the
Midst ofthe Showering Sparks OF Fun.
Henry ". Shaw, better known as Josh
Billings" died at Monterey. Cal, WedneS-
day of last week. He lacked five years OF
reaching his three score and ten. He was
better known throughout the world from
his works than any American humorist
except Mark Twain. H. first worked on
New York paper at 800 a week and his
sayings passed unheeded until he began a
systematic course of phonetic spelling.
His first noteworthy attempt in the hu-
morous line was his ''Essa on the Muei. -
and his last astonishing success was the
Farmers Alminax, which he started in
1873 From this he cleared $50. 900 in
ten years. He died worth 800, 900. lie
was popular lecturer and once made
Southern tour, lecturlng in Raleigh.
Some of the best specimens of Billings
writings are appended
The DeIectable OYSTER
Mi opinyun ov oysters on the haff shell
remains unchanged. konsider them bet
ter vittles than ever Jupiter or hiz wife
Juno swallowed, altho they had the pick
ov all the best provishuns in their day.
But | kant say that woman kan take an
oyster Oph from a shell without spilling the
effect. 1t IL one ov them gmnastic feats
they should alwas pranktiss fust for a long
time in the subdued stiffness ov sum pri-
vate pantry. They are called ''bivalves'
by unlearned, but this IL a vulgarism. The
true name liz ''good-bye valves, a term of
atfeckshun applied tew them when they
waZ fust swallowed whole oph from the
hatf shell. A good opportunity for con
trast between the jocularity of Billings
and the wit of such persons as Thackeray
is offered here. Thackeray once said,
after eating a particularly large raw oys-
ter, that he felt as though he had ''swal-
lowed a baby. EDITOR.
The Interesting Frog.
The frog IL, in the fust case, a tadpole,
aul boldly and tail, without cunning tew
a head. He travels in pond holes, bi the
side ov the turnpike, and IL accelerated
bi the activity ov his tail, which wriggles
with uncommon limbernesS and vivacity.
Bi and bi, pretty soon, before long, in /,
few daze, his tail is no more, and legs be
gin to emerge from the South end ov the
animal, and from the North end at the
same time, may be seen a disposition tew
head out Frogs have , natures, ground
and water, and are az free from sin az an
oyster. | never knu a frog tew hurt emmy
boldly who paid his honest diets and took
the daily papers.
One Kind of Laugh.
There IL one kind ov laff that always
did reckommend; it looks out ov the eye
fust with a merry twinkle, then it kreeps
down on it's hands and knees and plays
around the mouth like a pretty moth
around the blaze Ov a kandle, then it
steals over into the dimples ov the cheeks
and rides around in those little whirlpoOls
for a while, then it lites up the whole face
like a mcllO bloom on a damask rOze, then
it swims oph on the air with a peal az
lllear and az happy az a dinner bell, then
it goes bak agin on golden tiptoze like an
angel out for an airing, and laze down on
its little bed ov violetS in the heart WHARF
it cum from.
4 Fiue Point in Natural History.
The length ov time that goose kan
stan on one leg depends entirely upon the
natitf endurance ov the goose. good
tuif goose, | should think, mite do 1t for
three weeks bi swopping legs occasionally.
In Reply to Il Query.
''Jordan il a hard road to travel" |
kant tell you who was the inventor ov
this saying-sum foot-sore Gus, probably,
who waz too lazy to keep a hoss and wag-
gon, or else a hotel darky carryin' trunks
all day.
The Pride of Ancestry.
AS near as i ken rekolekt now mi ansess-
tors were in the ark with Noah, and had
a private state-roOm, just forward of
the wheel-house.
Wisdom from His Farmers Alminax.
To learn yure offspring to steal, make
them beg hard for all that you give them.
Tew remove grease from mans karak-
ter, let him strike sum sudden lie.
Angels handle the dice when doublets
are thrown in the cradle.
Flattery Is like colone water tew be
smelt oy not swallered.
If man haint got we'll balanced head
like ter see him part his hair in the mid
die.
There is only one good substitute for the
| endearmentS Ov a sister, and that liz the
| endearments ov sum other phellow's sister.
Pety IL like beans, it seems to do the
| best on poor sile.
Going to law il like skinning new milk
COW for her hide and giving the beef tew
the LAWYERS.
About the hardest thing a phellow kan
| do is tew spark tew girls at Onst and pre-
serve good average
! | had rather undertake tew be two good
! doves than one decent sarpent.
a good wife lza sweet smile from heaven
A lie IL like a kat-it never comes teW