The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-11-26
FOR MoTHERs.lN.LAw.

FOR MOTHERS-lN-LAW.
A Mechanical Bed which d In Great De-
mand by Young Husbands.
Dnselmeyer was commercial trav-
eler. He travelled in wine. There was
also q good deal of wine in Duselmeyer
when he travelled, as he always had his
sample cases handy. Duselmeyer was
very energetic. He rushed things. For
this reason he always travelled by night
in a sleeper. He never slept except
when travelling. This became second
nature with him.
One day he received telegram that
his aunt had died abruptly. She was
rich, and she had left all her property
TO Duselmeyer. He was . rich man al
at once. He ceased to travel for other
people. He established himself in bust
ness. He had every luxury he could
think of. He desired to lead a quiet
life. but, alas! he could not sleep. He
had become accustomed to the noise and
racket of railroad train. TWAS impOs-
sible for him to sleep where it was quiet.
The silence kept him awake. 1t nearly
drove him distracted.
In a short time Duselmeyer, the i'ubi-
cund, jolly drummer, began to fade
away. like q flower. He wilted visibly.
He subscribed to several humorous pa
pers and read them, too, but still he did
not sleep. He tried elec-homeo. and
all the other pathies, and they failed to
make him drowsy. He became thin.
and looked like q man on the edge OF
sarcOphagus.
1t occurred to Duselmeyer to visit a
neighboring city to consult celebrated
doctor. As soon as the train was in
motion he fell asleep. He slept as
sound as an entire board of alderman
in session. The shaking, humping, rat
Ting of the cars, the whistling OF
the locomotive, the banging of the car
door by the conductor made him drOwsy.
Duselmeyer was in his element. He had
discovered the proper remedy for his
sleeplessness. Whenever he felt sleepy
he got on the train. After awhile this
got monotonous. 1t was also very ex-
pensive.
A happy thought occurred to Dusel-
meyer. He knew mechanic who was a
genius in his way. Duselmeyer explained
that he wanted a railroad bed. He
wanted bed that would rattle. jump
about like a car, blow off steam. and
snort like locomotive. The mechani-
cal genius went to work. and in short
time he had the bed ready.
1t was brought into the bed room. and
that night he tried it. He touched Il
button. The bed swaged about, ratified,
and jumped. Every few minutes there
was sound, as if a door was banged.
Every once in a while it snOrted like q
locomotive. How happy was Dusel-
meyer! He slept like top. He dreamt
that he was in Heaven. and he saw the
mechanical genius with halo around
his head like saints.
When he awoke he was being shook
up just as if he was travelling on q
limited express. 1t snorted beautifully.
Now" said Duselmeyer. "I'll just
slow up, and get out at the next sta
tiOn."
He was mot quite sure which was the
right button to press in order to stop the
bed. He pressed one of the buttons, but
the result was that he was nearly shaken
out of the bed. He had pulled open the
Unbelievable, and the bed was going
through all the motions of lightning
express train running at the rate OF sew
enty miles an hour.
Duselmeyer pressed another button.
Whew! There was shrek of danger
from the steam whistle. There was q
strange grinding sound. The bed began
to buck like Texas COW pony. At last
it hurled Duselmeyer against the wall
with frightful violence. and tumbled
over on one side.
Duselmeyer was not fatally injured
by the bed being ditched. The mechani-
cal genius was sent for. He explained
that he had forgotten to tell Duselmeyer
about the attachment for jumping the
track. However, DHselmeyer had found
out al about it without any assistance.
Duselmeyer, in the meantime, had got
married, and his wife's mother carried
out previous threat of paving the un-
happy couple visit. She even went SO
far as to hint that she was going to make
him two visits year-each one to last
six months.
What did the wicked Duselmeyer do?
He put the railroad bed-which out
wardly looked like any other bed-into
the old lady's room, and he sneaked in
after she was fast asleep and put the
machinery to work. How she beloved
and went on! In her frenzy she touched
the button that threw the train into the
ditch. Once more the bed asserted
itself. The old lady caromed on the
ceiling, and next morning she said she
preferred quiet life at her own home.
Duselmeyer honored her whims in this
respect.
Duselmeyer had another happy
thought. He went into partnership
with the mechanical genius, and started
o large factory. which turns out one
hundred such beds day. which are adj
vertised as being exclusively for the COM
fort and convenience of mOthers-in-law.
Duselmever is now immensely wealthy.
rs there is no limit to the demand for
that style of furniture. Translated
from The German for 7eras Sifiings.
A Persian Statue.