Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1885-04-02

"We've got . new dollie ct our house,
we isl" exultingly exclaimed . young
lady of very tender years while on q Wis
it to Mother wife's the other day.
"Why, that's real nice. 1t is q pretty
dollie?" asked Mrs. NJ.
"Oh, no, it amt putty bit, but it's
alive~-Washing'on Hatehet.
"Oh! pa, look what pretty door-knobsp
Those are not door-knobe, my son,
they are gentleman's eyes"
"What funny eyes! What makes the
poor gent ,man's eyes stick out like door
knobs, pa?"
"He is Democrat. my son, and has
heard that there will be no change of
postmasters."-Newman Independent.
"Ah, how did you enjoy the play last
night?"
"Hugelyw
beautiful plot, was it not?"
"WeIl, I don't know, l didn't pay much
attention to it."
"Didn't?"
"No. In fact, can't remember what
the play was called"
"lmpossiblew
"Ob, no. Fact is, 1 was with theater
party"
ooh, see."-PucE.
A Swampoodle man owns q dognamed
10. He is Jo-cur. We didn't do this
on purpose.
"Jet," says fashion paper, will be
more used than ever in dress and milli-
nery." And Jet our spring-bonnetlees
girl is not happy.
Folds used instead of flounces to trim
dress skirts, and these folds frequently
overlapping one the other, and extend
ing from the bottom of the skirt almost
to the waist, are late fashionable
wrinkle. 1t doubtless tuck much mental
effort to elaborate it.
Having succeeded in Manning the
ship of State, President Cleveland will
now proceed to win q Garland for his
brow. A paronomastic fiend tells us that
| Lamar joke never went on clutches,
and adds that it is as Villas he ever
heard. But we think it would Bayard
to beat it. We leave our funny brothers
Endicott and Whitney to wrestle with.
The Mule Editor on being remonstrat-
ed with for wearing the same old nat
year in and year out responded, "Td
die, sir, before I'd part with it." By a
liberal use of paredtheses and italics
this joke can be made to show up with
startling gorgeousness.
At what time was Adam married? On
his wedding Eve.
Positive, wait; comparative, waiter; su-
perlative, get it yourself.
Tennyson says, "Men are Gods trees
Yes, and some of them are very shady.
| A man may successfully paint the
town red, but when afterward he has q
brush with q policeman he loses color.
1t is said that violin played among a
flock of geese will start them to dancing.
Every one who has attended a ball Is
ware of this fact.
When Clara was asked what she would
do if a nice young gentleman were to ask
her hand in marriage, she Daively re-
Piled, II really don't think I'd no."
In one species of spider the female is
three hundred times larger than the
male. 1t is unnecessary to remark that
the husband never gets into bed with bis
boots on.
"You may speak," said fond mother,
about people having strength of mind,
but when it comes to strength of don't
mind, my son William beats everybody
l ever knew"
eff you want to see things hum with.
out belt slipping" writes Bill Nye,
"excite woman's curiosity, and be slow
to crafty it. The way she scratches for
pay dirt makes ordinary energy look
lazy"
"Pa, who was Shylock?" Paterfamilias
with a look of surprise and horro, }:
Great goodness, boy, you attend church
and Sunday school every week, aud don't
know who Shylock was! Go and read
your Bible, sir"