The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-10-29
THE MERRY SIDEI

The result of the election is a sumner to those
statesmen who had influence to sell. 1t wasn't
needed.
The number of "deaths on the rail" is increas-
ing-as the hunter moves around the corn-feld.
Let those men who boasted of "voting as they
prayed" now reverse the order, and pray as
they voted.
Talmage declares that he "eats more on Sun
day than any other day" And works off more
surplus wind!
Another stabbing affray in Adams county
Wonder if they are not killing off the Demo-
Gratis over there.
A Columbus minister has Just preached
mon on lying. But it's too soon after the cam
paign to make it effective.
go
Hoadly is not without honor in his own coun-
try. A horse named George Hoadly won a
race at Lancaster last week.
The Democratic politicians of Cincinnati
would make very dangerous schemers, only
they lack one important quality-brains.
+.s
At Osawkie, Kan, old man Lander lit his
pipe on a keg of powder near which his wife
was sitting, and Lander over Jordan.
The Democrats believed in the efficacy of
money as ''the root of all evil" But the people
seem to have torn things up by the roots.
-
Mclean must have furnished some of his
gang with Republican whisky. They lost the
poll-sheets in strong Democratic ward.
+.+
The same "roseate glow" appeared in the
West again this Fall, but it was only mirage,
to make the Democratic defeat the more bitter
".m
Rev. Sam. Jones says "every man of us has
got meanness enough in us to damn u.s." Then
why don't you rest satisfied, and quit, Sam ?"
The quail law is out next month, and the
amateur sportsman can get out with a forty
dollar dog and kill forty cents worth of quails.
So
Thad. Gossan, of Milton, KY, while COON
hunting walked over a cliff and kill ed himself.
He didn't catch the coon-it didn't go that way.
-
The Salvation Army wrought some good in
Middleport. The revival ran but. a short time
until Dumble, of the Republican, went and got
married.
The time has come when the strictly honest
hunter begins to argue within himself that it is
not wrong to steal dog-n he is good hunt
ing dog.
John Fister, "a, Cincinnati, shrank back from
the brink of the grave long enou gh to thrash
his wife. Every day John lives in that way, he
is cheating the Devil.
A Republican exchange says "the Supreme
Court Of Ohio is now Republican, We are op-
posed to partisan Courts. Lets call it un-Demo-
cratic.
A man named Riggs, in Dakota, W as disem-
1&rrr o1AI NJ
Lean, in Ohio. was tramped upon by ele-
phant.
The Democrats lost the Presidency once by
to g. They tried to steal member of the Legis-
lature in Columbus by to 5, and were equally
unfortunate.
The Democratic Clerk in Cincinnati declared
he s'would not let Jesus Christ see the tally
sheets.'' 1t is quite probable that Democratic
officials would be little nervous under such
circumstances
Female travellers are made victims of attacks
from the rear, in some countries, owing to the
use of bustles as means of smuggling goods
through the custom houses.
The Commercial Gazette suggests way to
rebuke the Enquirer, viz: "Boycott" it. But
the trouble is, the plaguey thing won't die if
we do.
1t is said that the King of Denmark has offer
ed ten thousand dollars for the successful
moval of a wart from his chin. DIR. Carver
would shoot it off for half the money.
The last Democratic hope is that John Sher-
man will not be elected to the Senate. When
Sherman is elected the Democratic party will
feel like it has taken another dose of vermifuge.
Tho tolya n ic mi
without fear of his wife detecting it when he
goes home, at this time of the year. This is the
season when he hauls his bone-dust home.
How can our journalistic friends say that "the
election in Ohio is slap at Grover Cleveland ?"
He didn't expect any great things from Ohio.
He certainly didn't owe Ohio anything, polite
ally.
Democrats offering up thanks that the
Amendments were carried, anyway. "The
woman and child" ;" said the young doctor, "are
both dead, but hope to pull the old man
through!''
Hoadly says the vote he got in Ohio is COM
plimentary to him. But he is like the young
man who proposed to pretty girl and was
promptly rejected. "Ah, 1 understand" !" he
remarked, 'she thinks am too good for her."
A New York man was arrested last week for
cutting his throat, with suicidal intent, or
rather with a razor. It's refreshing to know
that if he had killed himself the murderous
scoundrel would have been hung.
Let our friends who are rejoicing over the
Prohibitionists bear in mind the fact that they
more than doubled their vote in the State, and
in Jackson county. AS long as party is doing
that, we can't afford to laugh at it.
One would naturally suppose that with the
experience the Democrats had in figuring 1929"
around on the fences, they would be expert
enough to ''raise" the footings on the tally
sheets successfully. But they failed.
The Gallipolis Bulletin heads a local notice
with "Do You Want to Borrow Money ?" A
man who will ask such a question under a
| Democratic administration ought to be swim
| died by the Louisiana Lottery.
| President Seelye, of Amherst College, is said
| to have been elected to Congress with an ex-
pense of only five cents. Times have changed.
| If he should run now he would get the five
| cents himself, and all the rest of his salary
would go to 'the boys"
"The Lord will ever give you strength to con-
quer your enemies" said the Sabbath School
| teacher. You know how Samson slew his ene-
mies.' "Yes,'' cried little chap 'but the
strength wouldn't have saved him if he hadn't
got hold of the jaw-bone of a mule!"
A lady describes the look on Clevelands face,
when receiving callers, as that of ga laughing
| baby" But that's only when receiving ladies.
Just wait till the procession of men, bearing
petitions signed by the Congressman of their
| Districts come in, that smile will fade like the
| Democratic majority in Ohio.
Mclean and his gang are good deal like
well-known citizen of this county, who many
years ago had a tough fight in this place, but
got most terribly beaten. Sitting beside the
curb-stone tenderly feeling the outs about his
| mouth q friend acOnSfad him: