The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-27
A BRIGHT LIGHT DlMMED.
Why Eli Perkins Became an Inmate of
Lunatic Asylum.

" Hat Iuuueu Luc duu SOL Iue luGO dn
Idiot Asylum was this: used to have
strong contempt for lawyers. L
thought their long cross-examinations
were brainless dialogues for no purpose.
But ever since Lawyer johnson had me
as witness in a wood case have had
better opinion of the lawyers skill.
In my direct testimony had sworn
truthfully that John Hall had cut ten
cords of wood in three days. Then
johnson sharpened his pencil and COM
menced examining me.
Now, Mr.. Perkins," he began. "how
much wood do you say was cut by Mr..
Hall?"
'Just ten cords, SIR" answered,
boldly. II measured it.
That's your impression?"
Eyes, sir
"Well, we don't want impressions,
sir. What we want is facts before this
iury-f-a-c-t-s, sir, factsr'
THE witness will please state facts
hereafter" said the Judge, while the
crimson came to my face.
Now, sir" continued johnson,
pointing his finger at me, ''will you
swear that it was more than nine
cordS?"
''Yes sir. Itwas ten cords just"
"There! never mind" interrupted
johnson.
"Now, how much less than twelve
cords were thcre?"
1.-Two cords, sir"
"How do you know there were Just
two cords less, sir? Did you measure
these two cords, sir?" asked johnson,
sayagely.
mo sir, T.
There. that will do! You did not
measure it. just as | expected. All
guess-work Now didn't you swear
moment ago that you measured this
wood?"
"Yes sir, but"
"Stop, sic! The jury will note this
discrepancy"
Now, sir, continued Johnson. slow
ly, as he pointed his finger almost down
my throat. Now, sir, on your oath, will
you swear that there were not ten cords
and half?'
Eyes, sir, +" | answered, meekly.
"Well now, Mr.. Perkins, | demand a
straight answer-a truthful answer, sir:
How much wood was there?"
'T-T-Ten c-c-cords,n l answered
hesitatingly.
''You swear it?"
'I-I-d-d-do"
Now continued johnson, as he
smiled satirically, do you know the
penalty of perjury, sir?''
Yes, sir, | think"
''On your oath, on your sole mn
oath, with no evasion, are YOU willing
to perjure yourself by solemnly swear
ing there were more than nine cords of
WOod?"
Yes, sir, I"
''Aha! Yes, sir. You are willing to
perjure yourself then? Just as thought
(turning to the judge; you see, your
Honor, that this witness is prevaricat,
ing. He is not willing to swear that
there were more than nine cords Of
wood. 1t is infamous, gentlemen OF
the jury, such testimony as this" The
jury nodded assent and smiled sarcasti
cally at me.
Now" said johnson, II will ask
this periured witness just one more
question"
Il ask you, sir-do you know doy yor
realize, sir, what an awful awful
thing it is to tell lie?"
"Yes, sir, )" 1 said, my voice trembling
''And, knowing this, you swear on
your solemn oath that there were about
nine cords of wood?"
No, sir, don't do anything Of ,
"Hold on, sir! Now how do yor
know there were just nine cords?"
Il don't know any such thing, sir
| l.
''Aha! you don't know then? Just a.
| expected And yet you swore you dtt
know. Swore you measured it. In
famous. Gentlemen of the Jury, wha
shall we do with this perjurer?"
but ="
''Not word, sir,-hush! This iury
shall not be insulted by perjurer!-
''Call the next witnessn'
This is why am now keeping book
in Lunatic Asylum. Perkins.