Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1885-04-09

He-"Won't you go sleighing with me
this evening?
She-"Have you a gentle horse?"
He-"Yes, indeed. l can drive him
with one hand"
She-"Ill go"-Phiadelohia Call.
Miner.
Corn-cob pipe.
keg of giant powder.
The gathering darkness.
Phizz-boom.
The gathering darkness.-Ne'c YorA
Graphic.
"Poor John was 80 fond of gambling,
said bereaved widow. Ellis last bel
was $50 that he could eat three hundred
clans in twenty minutes"
"Did he win the bet?"
eyes, he won the bet" sighed the
widow, but the money didn't do us
any good. 1t took every cent of it tO
bury him" Men York Sun.
Two girls met another, who wore a
jersey which was patched in places.
Gracious me-" said one Gust see what
Jersey that Cir has on"
That's no jersey" replied the other
with confidence.
eyes, it is, too; guess l know"
"No, it isn't, either; it's an al-darney.'
Caller-What a good little boy you
are becoming.
Little Dick-Yessum.
Caller-YOu were not go good when !
was here before, but you had not begun
to go to Sunday school then, remember
Are you good all the time, now?
Little Dick-Yessum; has to be
Mas corns hurt her, and she wears
slippers now.
Sam Oppenheimer was one of the
passengers on the San Saba stage that
was robbed few weeks ago.
''Shell out your money or off goes the
top of your head" remarked one of the
robbers, holding a pistol under Sans
nose.
"Three hundred dollars wash every
cent l got, 80 hellup me shiminy
grashus," exclaimed Sam.
''Hand'em over"
Sam did so, keeping back Sc.
what are you keeping back them Sc
forP" mildly inquired the robber,
pressing his pistol against Sans head.
mine Colt, don't you let man take
out per cent ven he advances money
without securities? asked Sam.
William Trotter has been paying his
addresses to Miss Rosa Hedsteer, of
Waco. His visits have not been very
frequent of late, and last night,
Tommy, Miss Rosa's younger brother,
said
"You ought to come and see us every
evening, Mr.. Trotter."
"Why, TOMMY
Because it makes sister Rosa go
happy to have you go away. You ought
never to miss an evening"
They missed Trotter for the rest of
that evening.
Away up in New Hampshire, where
the mountains stick their heads above
the timber line, Eli Perkins once ran
across an old man, seated in front of a
cabin, and opened up conversation with
him.
Good morning." said Eli, with conf
dence.
Likewise this way" said the mounain-
eer, quietly.
"You live here, presumed" he contin-
ued, letting down little.
81 don't look like l was dead, do ~"
answered the old fellow.
"No; of course not; merely desired to
know if this was your place of resi-
dence."
"It's nv shanty."
Thanks. My name is Perkins, Eli
Perkins, and was told you were the
oldest inhabitant in these parts, and
could give me some valuable points for
newspaper letter." said Eli, with I'M
blushing effrontery and an evident de-
sire to get solid with the old man.
"Are you the OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Per.
kins?"
1.-THE same" replied the delighted Eli.
"And you want to know how long I've
been in these parts?"
Eyes"
"Well, Mr.. Eliar Perkins, you see them
mountains stickin' their bald heads up
and maxim hats out of the clouds, don't
your"
eyes"
"Well, Mr.. Eliar Perkins, when l first
come to these parts, the hair was grow
ing on them bald heads one hundred and
sixteen feet six inches long, and we had
to comb it with saw-logs set on end"
He looked up innocently at Mr.. Per
kins, and that gentleman bowed down
and kissed the dust at his feet.-Merctant
Traveller.
INDIAN FUNERAL CUSTOMS.