The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-06-13

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dren. All are alive and well to-day,
the Oldest being eighty-seyen and the
youngest sixty. Sickness has never
troubled the family.
"Did you write this?" asked the cdi-
tor.
81 aatter myself | did," said the
dreamy eyed reporter,
"Come with mew
And in few minutes the editor re-
turned with gore-fresh human gore
spots-on his cuffs.
Smith keeps savage dog on his
premises, and near its kennel board
is displayed with the wording in large
letters Beware of the Dog" "I sup
pose," said Jones, pointing to the
warning, "you have painted that sign
in large letters so that he who runs
may read"
"No," said Smith, "but that he who
reads may rum"
Into the jaws OF death; Agitated
man to acquaintance-"My gracious,
did you see me rush up just then and
shake hands with that fellow?"
eyes"
"Well, did it under a misappre-
hension. l wouldn't have shaken
hands with him for anything"
"Why, don't you know him?"
Eyes, know him, but l owe him
$40"
Fogg-"There is that odious Mrs.
Fawnatall. How ! do despise that
woman"
Brown-"0h, come now, you're
prejudiced. You're not acquainted
with her yet; you've only seen her
two or three times; you'll like her
better after you know her; she'll grow
on you"
"The deuce she will Well, sir, l
hate parasites"
"Say, Bob, you're out with Miss
Parsons, amt you" eyes, Joe"
"What happened?" "She's expert
menting too lavishly" Experiment
ing? What at?" Trying to cure
freck!es by eating ice-cream." "Well,
why ought you to care?'. ooh, |
don't, provided it's at some other fel-
lows expense 1t was costing me a
dollar and half freckle.
BY queer coincidence the wife OF
ex-Secretary Chandler is daughter
of the former Senator Hale, while the
present Senator Hale is daughter of
the former Secretary Chandler, and
one family now has son named Hale
Chandler, and the other family son
named Chandler Hale, and yet the
two families are in no way related.
A romantic scribe thus describe the
first. kiss of a newly welded couple
up the perfume-swept avenue of love
and under the roseate archway OF
Hymen they had passed into the joy
lit realms OF that higher and holier
: existence where soul meets soul on
limpid waves of ecstatic feelings, and
hearts touch'hearts through the blend
; ed channel OF lips in rapture linkedr
J GOSH
Wishing to be free to devote him,
self to literature in any fashion that
, may be pleasing to him, Mr. Matthew
| Arnold has declined to accept the
Merton ,professorship OF English liter
/ ature in Oxford university, thereby
! waving the value of the chair, which
) is estimared at 5000 year. Mr.
James Russell Lowell, ex-United States
Minister, to whom the Merton profes
sorship had also been tender ed, has
positively declined to accept it,
President Cleveland complains oil
want OF exercise. He is reported as
saying con week days | never get
, the time to take much of a walk, and
it is not safe to attempt it, for should
certainly be surrounded by office-seek,
ers before | had gone square. I am
able to ride out u little four nights
out Of the week; but what 81
that for exercise? 1t seems as if /
were doomed to work like a horse and
live like hermit as long as | live"
: Mrs. Jules Granger, the only surviv-
; ing sister Of the late Stephen A. Doug
. las, and who is 65 years old, is post
mistress at Clifton Springs, N. Y, and
| the democrats in that town are trying
to get her outi order to get one of theil
own number in. Notwithstanding
that her family were democrats, Presi
; dent Garfield appointed Mrs. Granger
as postmistress MS a tribute OF respect
to her distinguished brother, the late
Illinois senator. Her grandson is
her chief clerk in the Office.
Fred. Douglass and his white wife
again attended DR.. Sutherland'i
! church in Washington, Sunday, tC
= the snrnrise aud dissatisfaction q