The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-08-27
THE MERRY SIDE!

AS Prohibition Prohibits, why not Prohibi
the Prohibtionists?
The worst victims of hot weather-fast hors
es and baseball clubs.
After ALL the Democrats have returned 10 tn
old-time Democratic prosperity.
The Salvation Army was egged at Londo1
Ohio. They are willing to bear the "yoke."
The Democratic times are getting still worse
Blackberries and huckleberries both gone.
-
Hoadly will pick his flint and try it again
But this time, George, she'll flash in the pan.
Snake stories are the rage They must be read
with many coils and twists of the imagina
| ton.
The killing is still going on in Kentucky
| They are bound to make that a Republican
State.
The Democratic party endorses the last Legis-
lature, and claims it as their own. Thank you
gentlemen.
| A Cincinnati paper 1nsures its subscribers
against accidents. 1t would be better to insure
| them to pay up.
| But two Ex-Presidents are living, while five
defeated candidates survive. Still men will
take the risk.
Logan has man who imported set of teeth
from England. The home article could do
nothing with American beef.
With watermelons at cent and half a
pound, the fascination of hooking them will be
removed, for many small boy.
Cincinnati is to have big prize-ight between
Sullivan and McCaffrey. Cincinnati whisky
will knock the whole crowd out.
80
A story is told of q New England spinster
who admired Grant "because he let the women
do all the talkin." How could he help it?
In Australia the people suffer from the raw
ages of drought and rabbits. The next vista
ton will be seed ticks and Democrats.
Speaking of Middleport doctor, 10. Dumble
says ''his pills work like q watch-charm.''
Keep tumbling about the vest, perhaps.
Pat Shea, of Bowling Green, KY, ate apples
and green corn, and died within an hour. Thus
cholera morbus has beaten its record, for quick
work.
Geronimo the Indian Chief, has been wound
ed and several of his wives captured. The loss
wounds.
George w. Biclzford, of Memphis eloped with
a thirteen-years-old girl He found that she
was going, and knew she was too young to go
alone.
President Cleveland will visit the Virginia
State Fair. It is not yet decided whether he
will be exhibited with the Chester Whites
the Durhams.
The man who attempted to persuade garru-
lous friend to address public meeting, after
ward declared that he was "only boring for nat
ural gas.''
The Democrats loudly called for Hoadly
Democracy. The sacrificial pile will be drench-
ed with coal-oil.
The lightning-rod swindlers are getting away
with the farmers in many parts of the country.
There is way to avoid this. Buy your rods in
the nearest town.
Hon. James Emmett threw open his black
berry fields few days ago, and invited the peo-
pie to come and pick. They went, and the ber-
ries were gone.
"I never voted Democratic ticket" said Lew
French, of Kansas, until voted for Click
against st. John. Had voted for st. John, I
would feel that was very great sinner.
A Louisville tobacconist has gotten out new
style of cigar, called "The MAXWELL" after the
murderer There are many brands that should
be named after the same kind of people.
80
The Democrats have come before the people
of the State in the worst form possible. If we
ca annot elect our ticket with this Democratic
assistance, it will be discouraging enough.
Sammy Tilden has again appeared in poll
tics. Mr.. Tilden's wisdom consisted in backing
into the White House wrong-end-foremost, and
getting kicked out.
The Dem mocratic party "congratulates the
Country upon the revival of business prosperi-
ty." That is not industry that you hear, gentle
men, it is the rumbling of empty stomachs.
The Democratic party comes squarely out in
favor of licensing the liquer-trafic, and the
Prohibition party is working in the interest of
the Democratic party. That is the situation.
Theodore Tilton found "School" in Texas
where not a single pupil knew Grant OF Lin
coin. That's the kind of education jeff Davis
has been urging in the South.
The Commercial Gazette advises Cincinnati
people to stay at home after night and watch
for thieves. They scof at such sickening senti-
mentalities as law and order, in that goodly
city.
The Com. Gaz. says that Leonard drinks
whisky when sick, and calls it liquid damna-
ton when well. What is the matter with you?
Isn't "the hair of the dog good for the bite?'
The Democrats have object in defending
Leonard, other than from purely philanthrop-
ic motives. OF course not! A Democratic edi-
tor or politician always hates to see maa
abused.
The Democrats of the New Hampshire Legis-
lature met and passed resolutions denouncing
the "Spoils" system of politics. AS well might
duck pronounce the water nuisance.
Three tramps entered the residence of Noah
Lockabill, near Charlottesville, Indiana. Noah
tied all three of them and gave them a horse
whipping. That was good law, and quite eff
fective.
The members of the Prohibition Party de-
light in comparing themselves to the Abolition
party But the Abolition party didn't go in
with the Pro-Slavery Democrats in order to
perpetuate slavery, in the name of Abolition.
Gen. Sherman says when he dies he wants to
be buried in st. Louis, where they may "put
him in the ground and drive in stake to mark
the spot" The old soldiers last thought will
be of driving in the pickets.
A citizen of Jackson stood listening to a
street man crying medicine for peculiar di-
sease. "Oh that's not my ailment," said he,
"mine is a misery of the stomach, caused by
these Democratic times"
".
In announcing the Macarthur Camp Meeting,
Job Lucas announced Rev. 7. E. knox, of Iron
ton as one of the speakers. Thomas sued Job
for criminal libel. What is Thomas opinion of
Macarthur, anyway?
"s
A dispatch to the daily papers says that Ed.
Leonard, of Lakeside fell down stairs and broke
his neck, adding that "he was subject to these
attacks, but don't tell how many times he
broke it before.