davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

There's no flour in the idler's loaf.
-WaterlsO Observer.
Great takers are like leaky pitch
ers, everything runs out of them.
He is young enough who has health,
and he is rich enough who has no debts.
Swearing is defined as the unneces-
sary use of unrevised language.-Bos-
ton Gi06e.
1t is hard for a man who follows .
business that is so brisk that he cannot
catch up to it.-Chicago Journal.
Malaria is certainly very incon-
sistent disease. 1t generally makes &C.
guamtances for the purpose of giving
them the cold shake.-NorristosOn Her.
oid-
Talk about the wise man who
builded upon a rock, :" remarked Fogg,
Il think the man who didn't build upon
. rock the wiser of the two" allow
do YOU make that Out?" asked the Ian
guild young man who sat at the foot of
the table. because" said Fogg, no
ledge is power. you know. "-BostoS
Transcript.
The luckicst man We ever knew in
his experience with the lottery tickets,
was the man who never bought one in
his life. OF course, we wouldn't recon-
mend everybody to follow his example,
for without the protection afforded by
the peoples money. the lottery enter
prise would soon perish.-M Y. Mad.
Variety is good thing. Every man
and woman sees something cookbook
ing or attractive about themselves,
though they may 5e as homely as mud
fence. Suppose we could all ''see our
sells as ithers see us, what an unhappy
lot of mortals we would bea-Erchonge-
Mrs. Captain Snively laughed al
most all the way home from military
review at which her husband was in
command. Being asked why she
laughed so, she replied: why, il was
% funny to see q man who never darea
open his mouth at home, ordering
all the men about. and they all doing
lust what he told them 10 dpA-Piiss-
delphia Prcss.
A few questions
Upon what did the "wa8onrspring"r
From whence did the .'peppes mint dsoH'a
And where did the OrvAn-stOp'?
Oh! where didhthe ''postaeeetamp"f
And what did the 'c0t1On-hOok"?
Oh. where did the "sug1r. camp?
And what did the "pas6y-c0okf
For whom did the ''Uaperswcsghtf
And Why did the "thunder-clAp"?
Oh! where did the 'rOllskate
"And where did the "ginger-sopT
Wife-.My dear. do you know tn
baby hasfour or Sse different kind Of
cries, and. that 1 can understand her
always when she wants . dkiak.
when sAs.is hungry, when she IS in psin,
when she she wants to SO eat"' Rus-
band-"So? That is very nice. And
can ysu talk back to heTs OF course.
you santalk back to anybody; but can
she understand you?' Wife-.Oh,
yes" Husband you win p0-
liteS signify to the young lady that n
she ceases 10 request her father 70 take
heF en- prosseaads at four q m it will b
something to her advantage in future
years. Troy Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14
RELIGIOUS READING.
TRUST. nj THE LORD.

Trust in the Lord forever: for in the Lori
Jehovah is everlasting strength.-Isaiah: 1914
Casting all Jour care upon Him; for HI
careth for y0u.-f: Peter 50.
Cast all thy care on God.
He cares for thee Away;
Hast thou not heard His gracious word
And wilt thou not obey?
Do heavy cares Cypress,
And art thou sOrely tried?
For every grief He has relief,
To Him thy woes cOnfide.
Doth some relentless hand
Its blow Of malice deal!
He sees thy heart, how sore the smart
And He will surely heal
Nor think that weighty woes
He doth alone relieve:
He deigns to share the smallest caro-
That can His children grieve.
IT'S He upholds the world
OmnpOtent His will:
The universe doth eer rehearSe
The story OF His skill.
His wisdom and His might
Do not His love exceed:
Each is divine. and each is thine
To help in time of need.
r. NJ OrOrI, in N. I. Observer.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

Rodney came, faithful to his appoint
ment. and with his usual abruptness,
plunged into the subject that lay so
near his heart 1t was the right Jennie
this time.
"Well. what is your answer?"
She opened two astonished eyes.
"What do you mean, RodneyP"
He was Instantly angry, but at that
moment q shower of rose leaves fell
around him, and Jennie jr. sprang into
the room.
Eyes, I'll have YOU" she cried.
though don't care fig for you, 1t
you still have the same affection for me
you professed to have yesterday"
The handsome Rodney stood in mute
surprise, looking from one to the other.
(which is my Jennie? 1t isn't posi-
BILE that I am laboring under drunken
hallucination, seeing two when there il
but one?"
what! hesitating? Oh, Inconsistency,
thy name is man, cried Jennie jr.,
striking an attitude.
Jennie ST. came TO the rescue. Hei
mental sky was suddenly illuminated.
and gave an introduction and satisfac.
tory explanations. The younger Jen.
ME vanished, and we suppose that Rod
ney made second declaration to the
elder. for u month later they were mar.
ried.
Jennie, of Butternuts, never fOrgets
to tease her cousin when abe visits them.
She often repeats to them his declara-
ton to her which always brings smiles,
and Grandfather Archer often tells the
little Daytons, who cluster around his
knees, the plot of the Jennies. for his
dislike to lawyers has worn away. and
he not only likes his son-in-law, but is
proud of his talents and eminence.-
Hanna Straight, in Ballon's Magazine.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

miration.
Gold may be said to be everlasting,
indestructible. The pure acids have no
effect upon it. Air and water are alike
prohibited from workingits destruction,
while to baser metals they are decay, to
gold they are innocuous. Bury it
through long ages. and when the rude
tool of the excavator again brings it to
light, while everything around it, and
originally associated with it, has re-
turned to dust from which it sprang;
while the delicate form which it adorned
has become q powder so impalpable as
to be inappreciable; while the strong
bone of the mighty warrior crumbles as
you gaze upon it; while his trusty sword
lies mass of sbale rust, the delicate
tracery in gold which adorned it. or the
finely-wrOughtt iarx which encircled the
lofty brow Of the fair damsel is there in
its pristine beauty, as perfect as when
it left the workman's hands and became
the joy of her fleeing moments. Yes,
days, years, centuries upon centuries
have rolled by, mighty empires have
risen and fallen; dynasties that
dreamed their power was to be ever
lasting have passed away; armies have
marched, conquered and become nerve
less with decrepit old age; cities teem-
ing with population and commerce have
become the dwelling-place of the owl
and the bat; the very pyramids them
selves, raised in the pride of power. and
l. 1,of IN a<}
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14
WAYLAYlNG A GROCER.

Why Washboards and the Price OF Straw
~ berries Took Sudden Rise
Oae afternoon not long ago a very
innocent-looking middle-aged man
entered a grocery on Michigan avenue,
bought nickel's worth of tobacco. and
suddenly began laughing.
whats happened?" queried the as
tonished grocer.
Say. I've got friend who roosts on
the top limb of American history. What
he doesn't know about the Revolution
arg War isn't worth knowing. and he's
mighty glad to air his opinions on every
possible occasion. Say, I've get him
dead to rights"
"How?''
I'VE got to talking about Lord
CORVALLIS the other day., and he ssid
the surrender was on the 18th Of the
month. l said the 9th. We disputed
and got hot, and Eve been over to the
Public Library to settle the matter
Eve got the date in this book. and now
I'm going to get bet of ten dollars
out Of Jim. Hello therer'
At that moment his. fniend entered
the store, and the. first conner Al once
said:
'Say. Jim. do you stick to the 17thy'
''Of course"
'.How mucA?"
''Any sum You like
WELL" said the fist as he winked
at the grocer. Il don't mind going five
dollars even up"
And III take the same'" said the
grocer.
The twenty dollars was handed to the
shoemaker next door; and the grinning
grocer rubbed his hands and remarked:
'Awl right. Open your book and
paralyze him."
his finger along the lines to stop.
rubbed his eyes. held the book up
little. snd finally said:
"Here. grocer. what does it say?"
..Is says: There was no escape, and
on the 17tA Lord CORVALLIS surren-
dered' Hang il you said it was the
27tAr'
ayes. know. but must have got il
miNed!''
In take that twenty dollars" SAID
the student of history as he reached cat
his hand.
He got il and the two skinned out.
The grocer sat down in . tub of onions
to think it over, and when he became
satisfied that it was gum-game to beat
him. and that the two men were con-
federates, he rose mp and kicked q
dozen washboards sky-high and marked
the price Of Strawberries up four cents
Der Quart-Detr0it Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

~ An oommunieaflons FOR TIN paper
should % accompanied By the name Of the
author; not necessarily for publication, but
1s an evidence of good faith ON the part OF
The writer. Write only ON one side Of the Pc
Per. Be particularly careful in giving nance
ana dates to have the letters and figures
Ulatr and distipne
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

-Four years ago . Sacramento
money-lender loaned . young man i've
dollars. with interest q ten per cent
per month, compounded monthly. The
borrower has just paid casa in hquida-
ton Of the debk
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14
GOLD.

A Noble Metal, and one Worthy Of All Ad-
miratiOn.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

the interior organization Of the battalion
and the regulation of the barracks are
SO subdivided that habits of self-cOntrol.
self-command, cleanliness and faultless
order come by intuition. Violation of
rules means loss of liberty, and perhaps
expulsion. / pick these samples of pun
ishable complaints from long list daily
posted in the guard-house. where each
cadets faults are blazoned to his fell
lows:
Waist-belt too loose.
Not properly shaved.
Late at church roll-call.
Shoes not properly cleaned.
Dirty gun at inspection.
Very dirty collar at guard-mounting
Wash-bOwl not clean.
No white shirt on.
This is sufficient to show how closely
the boys are watched. / cannot give =
detailed account ofthe long and arduOus
course of study that is necessary to sue
cess. The FIRST year the cadets are
drilled Thoroughly in mathematics, to
train the mind to exact reason. The
second year their time is taken up prin-
cipally by the modern languages. Tbs
third year they plunge into physics and
philosophy. to give then habits OF close
and accurate observation The fourtb
and last year they must dive deep iatc
law, ordinance and gUnnery and thsart
Of war. In the different studies the
marks indicate . close range from per
feet, through fair, indifferent, poor, II
complete failure. The regulations o
the Academy appOftion the time 81
CADET in such . way that each task mus
10 performed in specified hours. during
which he 10 wholly f.e, from Interrupt
tion. Except on Saturday afternoons
cadet sees very little ot anybody els'
bat his professors and classmates.-
Wet Roist Cor. Hxytferd Times.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-14

spoil the coffee. I shan't always get
dinner at the regular hour"
Anything more?"
81 shall he coward, and keep you
at home evenings"
"What else?''
II shall need q great deal of pin
money"
Anything more to tell?"
Il shall protest against you using to-
bacco; in short, shall make you I'M
comfortable in thousand-and-onew ways
that you don't now dream Of"
"Well, Jennie?"
.'Now do you want me for a wife?"
Eyes"
Come to morrow, then, and if you
do not change your mind. l won't refuse
you. Go away, now, and consider.
"You are cruel"
"Away."
"Give me kiss, then.
..Not one! Such endearments are for
nv husband, whoever he shall be"
So Rodney departed, and Jennie went
in quest of her cousin.
.'Go0d radiance, coz! Blodget will
never trouble you any more"
enc tnen relatcO Wndt ndu ocCuttCu
during her interview with BlOdget. but
kept silence in reference to Rodney.
When Mr.. Archer returned, he was in
no very agreeable frame of mind. He
had met Mr.. Blodget, who was riding
out with Miss Van Dyke, and in 3 very
tender and devoted proximity. An in
telligent glance was exchanged by the
haidens 1t was observed, and Mr..
Archer asked if the gentleman had been
there during the day. His daughter
dutifully replied that she had not seen
him, and with that the matter rested
without further remark.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

open air, every time he draws his breath
the cold air passes through his nostrils and
windpipe into the lungs. and consequently
dimiDishes the heat in these parts. As
long as person continues in the cold air
he feels no bad effects fro N it; but as soon
as he returns home he approaches the fire
to warm himself. and very often takes
some warm and comfortable drink to keep
out the cold, it is said. The inevitable
consequence is that he will find he has
taken cold. He feels shivering which
makes him draw nearer the fire, but all to
no purpose; the more he tries to heat him.
self the more he chills. All the mischief
is here caused by the violent action of the
heat.
"To avoid this, when you come out of
very cold atmosphere, you should not at
first 60 into room that has fire in it, or
if you cannot avoid that, you should keep
for considerable time at as great dis
lance as possible, and, above all. refrain
from taking warm or strong liquors when
you are cold. This rule is founded on the
same principle as the treatment of any
part of the body when FROST bitten. If it
were brought to the fire it would soon
mortify, whereas, if rubbed with snow, no
bad consequences follow from it. Hence,
1t the following rule were strictly OBJ
served-when the body or any part of it is
chilled bring it to its natural feeling and
warmth by degrees-the frequent colds
we experience in winter would, in a great
measure be prevented
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

- nj, v,rcr q the most preparations io oN w
tendency to pAoness'
and i m effective all diseases Of the nar Or @
Ayers Hair Vgor mas enle
1921 NV hair to and given beauu s0, y .s.t ono
rest s age BY the use OF ,n.' on
s sn Ares Hair yigo perfectly restored anu Ivy
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

Ridges Food for In
Pants and Invalids ia the
most reliable substitute
present knownfor moth.
er's milk and q sustain
ing, strengthening diet
for Invaiids. 1t is nutri.
tious, easily digested,
and acceptable to the
mast delicate stomach.
Its superiority to other
Similar preparations
rests net only on scien.
tidc analysis, but onfhe
crucial test Of fhfrxv
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19
How To Avoid Colds.

An eminent London physician, DR..
Graham is reported as having said some
good things on the subject OF colds, and
which arr in the main accordant with
rational and hygienic views. For instance
at is not correct practice, after a cold
is caught, to make the room person sits
in much warmer than usual, to increase
the quantity of bed-clothes, wrap up in
flannel and drink large quantity of tea,
Cruel, or other slops, because it will in
variably increase the feverishness, and in
the majority of instances prolong. rather
than lessen. the duration of the cold. II is
well known that combining inoculated per.
sons in warm rooms will make their
smallpox more violent by augmenting
the general heat and fever; and it is for
the same reason that similar practice in
the present complaint is attended with
analogous results. cold being in reality
a slight fever. In some parts of England.
among the lower order of the people, a
large glass of cold spring water. taken on
going to bed, is found to be successful
remedy, and. intact. many medical prac-
titioners recommended reduced atmos-
phere, and frequent draughts of cold fluid
as the most eficacious remedy for a recent
cold. particularly when the patients habit
is full and plethonc."
Mr.. Graham further says: eft is gen.
orally supposed that it is the exposure to
. cold or wet atmosphere which produces
the effect called cold. whereas it is return.
ing to warm temperature after exposure,
which is the real cause of the evil. When
. person In the cold weather goes into II
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19
AYERS
Hair vigor
Restores Vitality.

When the hair begins to fade, grows
gray, becomes weak, thin, brittle, and
harsh, the vital forces Of the organs, on
which it depends, may be reestablished
by the use Of Ayers Hair Vigor. 1t will
cause new growth, presenting the lux
uriance and color of youth. Every
woman who has arrived at the middle
an.a and y,ho uishas to retain the ORIGINAL
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

have AZ fine head Of hair as when l was
sixteeu.n Bessie 81. Bedloe. Burlington
Vt. was troubled with disease OF the
scaIp. which caused her hair to become
harsh and dry, and to fall out SO freely
that she scarcely dared to comb It. Ayers
Hair yigor restored the scalp to healthy
condition, cleansed her head of dandrufi,
and made her hair beautifully thick ana
glossy. This preparation is approved and
recommended by physicians.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

beauty of remedy Mrs. o. o. Prescott 10
about twothds Of my hair
came growing bald On using Ayers Hair
v commenced and in about month
continued and
now Ill., that eryspelss
bottle Of
Hair vigor produced the original color
Dr. j. c. Aver Co., analytical chemsts), Lowell,
For al Druggists
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

years experience. II has successfnlIv 1890 .y
eniSorsn than all other food combined. IN en-"
- - %e' sl.S and els. WOOLWiCH CO. -
septld&w1D
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

PAINFUL DISADVANTAGES CONNECTED
WITH THE PLAN OF HAVING YOUR BED
CLOTHING TOO SAFE FROM HARM.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

when they once become acquainted with II, ladies
Invariably prefer Parker's Hair Balsam 70 any dml-
lar prepaTaiion Il makes the hair soft ana gIossy,
arrests its falling Of, promotes new grown. rss9e
Not dye. not oily. highly psrfamed. Only soc. at
druggists. apnUoSMfW
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

ITO ADvERTIsERs-Low Rate. IN, a..
i tising In 062 good newspapers sent frre M
dress GEO. p. HOWELL CO., 10 spruce st..y'y
may6dkvlvl1
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19

How many people saw; your plaster beats
everything ever tried. The Hop Plaster
really cures .Backache, Stitch. Sciatica, Lame
side or Hip. or pains in any part The best
porous plaster known. 25c
NAV teOd&XlX
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-19
Ratlroans ana Sleanpuars
MAINE CENTRAL RAILROAD.
WINTER ARRANGEMENT.

On and after OCT. Goth. 1884. trains will lesvs
Augusta
For Lewiston, Portland and Boston at 600
and 1000 A. M, 2.x5 and 1885 p. n.
For Rocklsnd, 500 and 1000 A. II.
For Pennington, 600 and 1000 A. N.
For Bath, 900 and 1000 A. M; 2.45 p. N.
and on Saturdays only at 1885 P. NJ.
For Waterville, 2.25 and 9.47 A. M; 4.06 ano
on saturdays only ct 500 z N.
For skowhegan. Belfast and Dexter, 2.2s A. M;
4JM p. II.
For Bangor, Ellsworth and Aroestook county and
St. John, 2.25 A. Nj and 4.06 p. N.
ForBsr Harbor, 2.26 A. NJ.
Night Pullman Trains each way every night, Sun
days Included, but not to Skowhegan on Monday
mornings. or TO Belfast and Dexter, or beyond Ban
gor ON Sunday mornings,
Cheyenne transporter. [volume] (Darlington, Indian Terr.) 1879-1886, 1885-06-15

Fine Bulls !!

IL Ycaring Galloway Buls,
- Yeariing Hereford Bulls
- Two year Old Short horn bulls,
81 yearing ShOrt-h0n Bulls,
Cheyenne transporter. [volume] (Darlington, Indian Terr.) 1879-1886, 1885-06-15

sThe above thoroughbred and high grade Short
the finest sort Of thoroughbred bulls They bred
and raised Prospect Park, Harper Co., Ks and wineed
large grass pasture without shoo and fed enough
keep strong and hardy Running they have gives them
GOOD feet and makes bunch of bulls well adapted for the
range Will sell in lopc $50 head Have also for sale 35
grade horhop and heicr bred thoroughbred Galloway
ereo and Shorthon bulls Some have calves by side thor
bred teyear-old Galloway bell with them and for sale
WALTER L. TREADWELL
PARK THREE MILES ANTHONY, KANS
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-06-12
A Large Consignment.

MIR. l.. Wolfson is to-day opening a
large invoice OF gentlemens' boots and
shoes, which comprise in quality and
fashion, everything to be wished for.
The very fact that Mr.. Wolfson always
takes the right time to give his custo-
mers everything in wearing apparel at
the proper season, should be sufficient
inducement for him to experience very
decided run on these goods. They are
Intended for the coming heated trem,
and hence will be closed out at figures
below the customary prices. Every
pair Of these goods is guaranteed. as
having been manufactured especially for
Mr.. Wolfson, and consequently are SUI
perior in quality to anything of the kind
In the market.