The Penn's Grove record., 1885-07-11
HUMOROUS.

Transit Of Venus: Mrs. Colonel
Boulder and her fair daughter Maudena
have Just returned from a fashionable
watering place. "Maudena," said her
fond mother, as she was reading the
ape lust after breakfast, what is this
transit Of Venus we see so much about
in the apers lately?" ''Why, NAL don't
you know2 Why Venus is a Goddess"
Eyes, l know; but what has she got tn
do with the rapid transit" "Well, |
supposedly they say this fall she is
going to cross the moon, and with a
telescope you can see her. Dear mel
| do wonder how she will be dressed?'
why, ma, GOddesses aren't dressed at
all" responded the boarding school
graduate. "What2 My goodness. it
must be perfectly -outraReousl Well, I'll
not look at her, 81 ow."
The wicked editor: A Little Rock
newspaper man while out III the country
St pped at a rude farmhouse for din
ner. Thinking that his profession
would insure extra attention he remark
ed to the farmer: Needn't put your.
self to extra trouble for me, for | am an
editor" "a what?" asked the farmer,
regarding the visitor with newly awak-
ened interest. IA newspaper man"
''Wall, | reckon you can git suthing to
eat anyhow. Some folks mout not giI
you nothin' on this account, bat l never
was very particular. But hold IN.
Editor did l understand you to say2'
Eyes, sir, L am an editor, and, however
unfavorable it may STRIKE you, 1 must
say that | am proud of my calling"
'I'll bet 800 that you are one of the
fellows that helped to take hell outen
the Bible. Reckon you'd better travel.
Never mind that corn bread and butter.
milk, julie"
MOTHER, can't [ go out and play?"
asked a little boy.
~No, my son, she answered. "You
will get your clothes dirty
''Is the Lord coming to-day"
'I don't know" said his mother; "He
may come"
Don't they have any dirt in heaven
for little boys TO play inP"
mo, my son.
"What do little boys do there2"
''Fhey sing songs and play under the
trees MS mother.
DWELL, mother, how do they have
any trees If they don't have any dirt?"
In a poem called ''The Organist" we
are informed that "He sits him down at
twilight hour Before the ivory Keys,
And lets his fingers wander DER The
clavier as they please. = Though
dark and still the empty church. An
angel fits o'erhead, and passing near
with dropping wings, He leayes
the player--dead. That angel should
not weary in his good work. Sometimes
when a man is clawing the Ivory Keys
the neighbors want To hurl a brick at
him, but they would be satisfied if an
angel would hover over him and leave
him dead. The angel should also hover
over the amateur flute player, the cor
netist, the accordion tiend, and other
musical ~aggravations.
They were called the bellies of the
boarding house because they were lean
and ugly and illnatured, and yet hope
ful of escaping the painful isolation OF
old maIdenhood. They sat on opposite
sides of the table and affected a civili'y
toward each other which they did not
feel. Goodness grsciousl" observed
the elder Of the two, II evening at
dinner, as a dish of corr was passed to
her, II can't eat such stuff as that.
its only fit for chickens" "Well, then"
amiably added the other, you've got a
good reason not to touch it, for you
know you're no chicken"
FIRST RUBBER MANUFACTURER
"How's business?"
Second Rubber Manufacturer -"Well,
it's pretty dull. / suppose it will i'm
prove by-and-b by, but 1 can't think what
line of goods it will start ill.,"
81 guess you don't look ahead very
much. I'm putting all nay hands on
watarproofs."
"Waterproofs?'
eyes. The picnic season will Dol
OPEN"
LITTLE DIoK-"Pop. what kind OF a
dollar is that? It's different from the
other one"
Pop-"That, my son, is a trade dol
lar"
''What's it fof?"
"WelI, it's to trade with
''Trade With Is that all2"
"Well, yes; that's about all. You
can trade one dollar for another"