Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-02-23
THE ORIGINAL OYSTER
An Article In Which If "a No. n,
Called a HDeIfcfou. NJ,

An Artloie IN which it iS Not Once
Called delicious Bivalve.~
When the primitive man found himself
with the first oyster in his hand saws
the London Telegraph, the probabilities
are that he was puzzled what to do with
IL ior the thing was shut. Instinct told
MIN tnat there was something good to eat
inside the shell. Besides. he had already
foDOed the cookie and the musseI OF their
contents and thoroughly appreciated
lhem; by some rude process Of reason
ing from analysis he felt sure that if ne
could only get the oyster open he would
ma something nice within. But the
creature had closed itself so tight that he
could not even get his nails in between
the edges. Its size prevented him put
ting IL into his mouth to crack il. For
miles and miles there was only mud and
sand on either side of him, so that he had
nothing hard enough to smash il uDOn.
In hali-hearted sort Of way lie endeavOr-
ed 70 lnslnUate splinter of a cookie
shell To prize the valves open. Then he
TITLED with the thinner edge with his
teeth. At last he thought of his own
skull and raped the oyster on it. out
not very hard, Tor it hurt him. He did il
In a contemplative sort of way-just as a
monkey bored to death with a Brazilian
nut which It cannot break, and vet is
lOath 10 throw away, sits and taps il on
the palm Of his paw. looking ali about
him with an distracted expression of
lace. so safe the aboriginal man. Now
and again he would brighten up TO a re-
neWed assault upon the obstinate mol
lusk. be put it down on the sand and
hurt his foot by stamping on it; then he
TOOK II and threw it up as high as he
could IN the air to see if 1t would mash by
NJ "a hi l.
ana apOstrOphIZed 1t, spoke seriously to
IL, lectured 1t, scOlded il, abused II.
cOaxed it, flattered it, said
nasty things about it, appealed
10 II, threw himself on its gen.
erosity, tainted it, ridiculed it, sneered
at 1t, invoked 1t, prayed to it, blessed it,
cursed II. But the oyster would not be
remained as ObduTate as that ''pebble-
hearted cur" LdUnce'S dog. Not a word
could he get out Of it; there was no more
expression on its face than on a slice of
cold pudding. 1t remained stOlidl shut.
hex our ancestor gave way to a gloomy
despair; be threw himself down on the
sand and glared with impOtent desire at
the eXasperating shell-fsh. Bad, wicked
thoughts came into his mind. He saw
his aged grandsire approaching, and
reckoning him with a fraudulent smile
induced the poor old man to sit down on
the sand; and then suddenly, without
any warning, he smOte him on the crown
OF the head with an oyster. Again and
again the mOllusk descended till AT
length, in frenzy of determination, he
gathered up all his force in one decisive
blow, which split mis- grandsiTe's skull,
but blOke the shell. ThereupOn regard
less of the corpse beside him, the assassin
picked out the plump oyster and swallow
ed It. He closed his eyes while a smile
Of inefable enjoyment stole over his
features, but anly for a moment. The
oyster passed away like a beautiful
dream. He sighed and rose. 1t was
fearful price to pay for the delicious
mOrsel. Yet other thoughts perpleXed
him. His relatives were not numerous,
and if he must be obliged TO use up one
each time when he ate an oyster he could
not look forward to more than a couple OF
score at the most. Nevertheless, he
gathered a busheI or so and went home
bordering over the situation. He told hie
dreadful secret to a friend, and that very.
evening. as ne was asleep, his FRIEND
came and cracked an oyster on his skull.
The original savage did not die, but his
intellect was permanently affected. This
was not the wCrst, however, for somehow
| the knowledge Of the fascinating bivalVe
| spread, and men Went about with sur
reptitlOus oysters concealed on their per-
sons on the chance of meeting with some
enc on whose Uranium they could crack
them. 1t was dreadful time. But il is
o. such foundations that nature always
builds, and her superstructures are
raised upon ruins.
BY and by came the Stone Age, when the
soft sediments of river and sea had hard
ened into rock, and men then smashed
the oysters open with fragments of bowl
ders. They chose a smooth crag and.
putting the shell-fish into sings, sluu-
them from a very short distance against
the hard rock. This was better than
using each others heads, and the ben
eticlal results of the change We're soon
apparent. Man, relieved from the per-
petual suspicion of having oysters crack
ed on his skull. had the leisure to give
mis- thoughts to the useful arts. Before
long they discovered the secret of sharp
ening fiInts into oyster knives, and all
went merrilY. Wise men tell us that
these keen-edged slices Of flint and
Obsidian are 'natchet-heads" and ''arrOw-
heads" But this is mere conjecture;
picturesque it is true, but unreliable.
10 is more probable that
they are all oyster knives
I'M various stages Of development. This
much, at any rate, is beyond all doubt
that primitive man ate these delicious
things in enormous quantities. The sites
Of many primeval settlements are now
only To be traced by the heaps of empty
oyster shells, which they were, in the
dirty, unsanitary way Of a remote an
tiquity, in the habit of throwing out of
their doors into the street.
In the ancient Mathematician" of
northern Europe, and mixed with more
ancient lava deposits, as in Kent's Hole
Cavern, are heaps, of the shells, the
yestiges of the Tepasts OF the cave
men. In America these relics of prime
mounds OF several acres in extent, while
the isolated caveTus-Where, no doubt,
some snug little party having found out
an Oyster-bed of their own, used to 90 and
consume the fish all by themselves-are
innumerable. But one in the Savannah
river, nearly 800 feet in length, gives
evidences Of something more than
private oyster parties. 1t must have
been the feeding place of nation at
least.