The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-04-15
VARIETIES.

Before marriage" she pouted, "you
used to speak of my beautiful auburn
locks, but now you call me redheaded."
My DEAR" replied the heartless man,
marriage opens the eyes. Before that
event l was color blind.''
A Rutland miss was asked by her pa
rents which she would prefer for pres
ent, pair Of roller skates or the
youths Companion" "I will take the
skates, if you please" she said; 81 can
get companion at the rink
Fashionable wife-"Did you notice,
dear, at the party last evening, how
grandly our daughter Clara swept into
the room?" Husband, with a grunt-
ooh yes. Clara can sweep into room
grandly enough, but when it comes to
sweeping out a room she isn't there"
Brown-"I was surprised to see you
at church yesterday, Smith, l under
stand that you don't believe much in
religious Matters Smith-"Well-er-I
have been something of an infdel all my
life, but that cold that caught last week
has settled on my lungs, and l feel
little nervous about it"
"Nellie, let's you and l plav invent
or" Elbow shall we do it, Tommy"
"Why, you be the inventor and go in
and get some cookies out of the box,
and I'll be capitalist and come along and
eat them all.' "But what will I get out
of it?" ''Why, you'll get all the fame;
I'll tell mamma it was you who took the
cookies"
'Why don't you call me donkey and
be done with it? You have limited at it
long enough he snarled out. cit
wouldn't be quite true" she replied. ct
suppose not. l suppose l haven't ears
enough for that animal,' he retorted,
sarcastically. ooh, yes, you have" she
returned, sweetly. "You don't need any
more ears" "What do l need, them"
more legs. '-Daily Graphic.
Said little Arthur, four-year-older:
Mamma, why do people wear specta-
cles ?" Because their eyes are not
good" 'Why are they not good"
Because they were born So" "What
is born ?' "Why, God makes them so
they cannot see well. ''Well, why don't
God make them with spectacles, them"
The mother had call in another part of
the house just then.-Boston Common
wealth.
A physician sent very sick man some
medicine, directing it to be taken Gin a
recumbent position" But his friends
had no such article as "recumbent po-
sition'' to give it in-didn't even know
what it was. The linen draper also did
not have one, but thought it might be in
the butchers line. No, the butcher did'n
keep it, but finally knowing woman
being appealed to, said, eyes, l have
one, but just lent it ]"
Howard Paul tells good story of an
Irishman who, in moment of penitence
had accepted the blue ribbon. Looking
for beverage which, while not intoxi-
eating, would ''take hould and bite, he
came across bottle of Worcestershire
sauce Pouring out third of a tumbler
of the pungent stuff, and filling up with
lemonade, he swallowed the mixture at
gulp. After several gasps he exclaim-
ed: "Begorrah, sor and that beats all
the whiskey ever drunk in my life p
A French newspaper informs the
world that America is the home of
eccentricity, that in New York no church
bells are rung by hand, and that "the
Angelus is sounded by steam; night and
morning the machine operates with the
regularity of clock for minutes" 1t
also declares that when money is needed
for charity the prettiest and most ex-
emplary girls in town ascend a plat
form and let all corners kiss them for 81
head, but that ''no one can take more
than ten kisses for the money"
High Tide.-After long day of heavy
rain in the country party of ladies
accept masculine invitation to an even
ing row-the weather having cleared
on the turbid and slightly swollen river.
The boat is trife overloaded. AS the
oarsmen start, a young lady says to her
companion in the stern-sheets, elbow
very near the boat is to the waterp
eyes," responds the other in sober ear
nest--and bright and intelligent girl
she is--"I suppose it is on account of the
rain. The river is very high y The writ
er vouches for the literal truth of this,
he having been one of the oarsmen refer
red to, and though he subsequently refer
red in jest to the incident, he cannot avoid
the conviction that the lady never fully |
comprehended the absurdity of the re-
mark.--The Hour.