Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-08-07
OUR KALEIDOSCOPIC.

CLlNtHER.
"Tvc heard, an Englshman once said.
When talking with Yankee maid
"That tho you girls have many charms
You don't know how to use your arms"
But us her arms she round him threw,
And gave him Il sensation new
He could but gasp, at her carcss,
you'd make II splendid cider press"
Beware of limitations" as the monkey
said to the dude.
An exchange remarks that "the weak
lungs always go to the wall" This is not
true of cats
A Cincinnati girl has invented com
bination hustle and chair. 1t will be very
popular for skating Kinks next winter.
Take your Democracy straight :" cries
an exchange This is the frankest adms-
sion of previous crookedness we have
seen yet.
This turns out to be a pretty good year.
for peaches, after all. General Peach
qualified, Monday, as pension agent at
Boston, Mass.
A Connecticut man says he had much
rather be bitten by mad dog than
snake, because fellow has more time to
go for whskey.
Walt Whitman is going to issue a new
volume of poems entitled Sands at Sixty
seven" Walt wouldn't make a bad head
liner for a one cent daily.
Lord Tennysons poem on the marriage
of Princess Beatrice is only twenty-five
lines long. The hot weather seems to
affect even poet laureates.
II.
kiss among the Aztecs in Mexico. For
obvious reasons, the Aztecs seldom ask
for kiss they just take it.
at does not require high order of in
tellect to write IL successful novel; says
Ned Buntline This is valuable, as com
ing from man who knows whereof he
speaks.
Among the new pOstoflices created by
Mr.. Villas are Sarah. Pa, Eve, Mo, Edith,
Neb., Ethel, La, Violet, Mo, and Onion,
y. c. The latter is probably named after
Mr. Niass cook.
The improbable story comes from Il
Western town that plumber has com
mitted suicide. Owing to the scarcity of
fish in the West, this season, the inhabi-
tants are hard up for lies
1t is said that eighteen humble bees CON
tain enough poison to kill a man. If that
is so, we know number of grangers who
ought to have died as many times as
Ell Mahdi, since the haying season began
The Zion Baptist church in Louisville,
Ky, has requested it pastor to resign be-
cause he does not preach loud enough.
Since the new version was issued, the col
ored people lind it hard to fix the atten-
ton of their congregations.
The extreme depression of business has.
perhaps. received no more striking illus
tratiOn than is afforded by the case of Nc
Daniels, the Texas desperate, who has
just finished robbing fifty stages, and de
clares that lie is not worth 500.
a Massachusetts paper prints conspicu-
ously as its motto, There is plenty of
room at the top Whether this refers to
| the editor or the tenemeuts over the edi-
torial sanctum is not stated but the read
er pays five cents and takes his choice.
To be in good standing in club man
ought to be sober.-Nctr orleans Picuy-
me.
Springfield, Vt, has three brass bands
and drum corps. Springfield needs no
| quarantlne.-BOstOn Post.
Sarah Bernhardt is struggling to pay
her debts, and it is believed that she is
temporarily insane.-BOstOn Post.
A lucky combination in base ball is that
of the proprietor and the greenhorn-that
is, lucky for the proprietOr.-B Boston
| Transcript
Lady lin new grocery storeJ-lIave you
any ten-year-old port wine Boy-NO
mum this grocery store was only started
last week.-NcW York sun.
Any man who can umpire a base bal
game and please both sides, has in hin
the main qualifications for successful
polltician.-N. q. PicdBltHC.
At the christening of Mr. CrzkyXvitchi',
baby last Sunday, the child grabbed it,
future name in its tender hands, which
We're severely lacerated- washington
Hdtchct
You cannot blame a German for hi
fondnesS for lager. a language which
calls for such an awful strain on tn,
throat as his does is the party to censure
-BostOH Transcript,
Ghosts have run off with an entire West
ern family, and the local shopkeepers sa,
they wouldn't have cared if the ghost
had only settled up those little bills first
Boston Transcript.
\ Cincinnati widow, who is after some
thing very, very aesthetic, has had tn,
color of her house changed nine time
, within a year and hasn't hit the bulls eye
yet.-DCtrOU Free Press.
Columbus is buried in two places.
Columbus was very great man, but thi'
is the first time we ever heard that HI
blew into a gun to see whether 1t wa
oaded.-NcW York Grdphic.
Princess Beatrice doesn't know the frs
, thing about housekeeping, but, rs thu
t young couple will probably live on tn
5 old folks as long as they last, this Sigh
= defect will never be noticed by her nus
band.-LOlCcU citizen.
a Chicago woman, while seated on
+ wharf fishing, fell asleep. Waking sud
} denly she caught sight of a reflection o.
one of her feet on the water, and. think
: ing il was her husbands dory, jumped il
: and was drowned boston Globe.
E 1t is hoped that there will be no blood
| shed between the Gentiles and Mormons
g The death of Il Gentle does not amount t.
much; but when Mormon is killed, from
seven To seventeen widows lose the ligh
70 of their life and the provlder of thcl
, groceries -LOHiSrUlC- COUriCr JOurHdl