Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-01-17
THE CAT AND THE BOOTJACK.
Burdette on the Deficiencies of the
Leading American HumOrist. q


Leading American Humorist. O
All over this broad land there goes up
cry for the suppression of cats. Only
one dissenting voice is heard, that of
Henry Bergh, pleading for the protec-
ton of cats and the determination of
man. But the rest of us hate that noble
animal, the cat. She rarely catches mice.
She runs away in terror from a gray
cellar rat. And barn rat that can't
whip his weight in cats is no longer ad-
mitted into good society, and his dis
graced name is scratched off the assem-
bly books. But, nevertheless, the tribe
of cats is on the increase. II multiplies
on the face of the wood shed and replen-
ishes the back fence and the kitchen
roof in the face of the hatred of men.
Why is this?
Briefly stated. the cause is found in
the decadence of the boOtiack.
From the date of the confusion of
tongues at Babel, the bootiack has been
the sole effective weapon against cats.
No other weapon that has been formed
against them has prospered. Shot guns
have scattered and failed. Water pitch
ers only smash themselves against the
woodshed door or the division fence. and
brickbats bang against the alley fence
and rebound into the geranium bed
But the bootjack, with unerring instinct,
flies on wings of hate straight at its nat
ural enemy, catches him amidship every
time, knocks "yowl" out Ofhim as long
as centennial poem, and demolishes
him. Never yet was bootjack fired out
of a window by the hand of man that
did not knock some prowling cat into
the land of the Forthwith. Hence, With
the decay of the bootjack the cat has
come on top.
"But," says the skeptic. "bootjacks are
as numerous and accurate to day as ever
they were. Your argument fails because
of its faulty premise"
Oh, simple minded man! Oh, feeble
one, slow to believe anything save that
which is palpably incredible, you have
been fed upon funny papers. The lead
ing American humorist,' whose name Is
Legion, lives in the dim traditions OF
the mast. so far as this cat business Is
concerned. He reads about the boot
lack in the days of its glorious precision,
in the far away times of Doesticks, and
as he weaves his own stories ef the cats
Of to-day he brings IN the unerring boot
Jack He deceives you, The ieadlne
American bumorist" does not keep
abreast of the times, as does the dime
novel writer. When the dime novelist
writes romance of the plains to-day, ne
arms his cowboy or scout with a WIN,
chester. He knows that the squirrel
rifle of Misunderstanding, with It's ionf
wooden stock, small bore, bullet patches
hickory ramrod and powder horn is
thing of the past. The humerist, howev.
or tries TO drag that dead past into the
light and life Of to-dav when he writes
of cats. and so he deceives you.
Now. who wears ''lcg boots" in the
c;ties TODAY? Not one man in several
of what use, then, are bootjacks? Obvi
ously. of no use. They are discarded
They are no longer an article of house
hold furniture. They are antiques, tt
decorate and hang up on the parlor wall
Consequently the cats have their owl
sweet way, and when man would slay
|, one there is no death-dealing booDaci
, to fire at it. We all wear shoes in thes'
days. in the cities. And it is In th'
; cities that the great cry for the suppress
sion of the cats is heard. In the smalle
towns of the West and South. wher
deg boots" are still largely worn, tn
bootiack fiourishes and the subdued ca
behaves himself. But where there ar
no bootiacks the cats stuff the balio
! boxes and control the returns.
Once more, to show you how fondl
the leading American humorist" cling
D TO the traditions of the past, observe, 1
s his funny articles on cats, how often h
J. alludes to their assembling on the roc
4 of the "wood she'd" Now tell me, /
e the great cities where many humorou
5 papers are published, how many woo
sheds" are there? Why, New YORK