Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1885-08-01
WIT AND HUNrOR.


or tail. What evide nee OF merciful
Providence TO thus deprive the poor
calf Of sight, and keep it ignorant Of
the terrible truth that it has no tail
Biaghdnton Republican,.
use your fork. johnnie! Have you
forgotten so soon what told you about
using your fingersl' ''Well, mamma,
fingers were made before forks. = 'sYes.
they were; but not your fingers, my
son. - Christian at Work.
A writer Ia Hnrpcr's BGzar says:
'sThe ears should be so placed as not
to be higher than the eyebrows or lower
than the tip of the nose People who
arc dressing for a party should not for
get this. Philadelphia Cal.
The only indication so far that the
sardine crop viii not pan out is the sui
eide Of a Sardinian Princess. As she
didn't live off the coast of Maine, how
ever, she couldn't be presumed to know
much about t.-Pbilddetphta NeUs
"Pa, who was Shylockpn Pater
familias with q look of surprise n
horror) )-"Great goodness, boy; you It,
tend church and Sunday-school every
week and don't know who Shylock
WASP Go and read the Bible, sir. -
Rambler.
A street dentist who promises to pull
teeth without pain is accompanied by
a brass band. When the forceps are
placed on the victims tooth signal is
given to the band. and the cries Of pain
are Immediately drowned in the noise
of horns and drums.
Professor r. A. Proctor SAYS that
this earth Is to-day just as likely TO
quake aud overthrow cities and towns
as 1t has been at any time since man
existed. You are right, Professor, but
does IL not occur to you that il is Just
as unlikely to do soP--Bostog Post.
The hairdressser at the Jardin des
Plantes with his little son-s.My boy,
here you see how unequally Nature dis
tributes her gifts. This creature, for
instance, is the tortoise, of whose shell
the best hairpins are made, but which,
unfortunately, has no hair itself. -
Paris Figaro.
Cupid's Lament-Amor: "Alasl dear
mamma, there is nothing whatever TO
be done with the girls now. They are
50 thickly armour-plated with wadding
and whalebone that my arrows take no
ettect! Venus: "Never mind, my boy.
next Christmas I'll buy you little
Krupp cannon"
We cannot see what good is to be
accomplished by periodically reYivino
the question of Edgar A. Poe's personal
habits. Perhaps the best thing to do
would be, adopting an idea from Mr..
Lincoln, to find out what particular
brand Of whisky Mr.. Poe liked best and
send barrel of ii to old ALI. Tennyson.
ST. Louis Globe-Dem0crat
The Pittsburg Dispatch thus gives its
opinion on matter Of interest every
where: "sWho owns the sidewalksp'
asks the Philadelphia Record. We have
never given the subject the attention
which it merits, but most probably the
horse-car company does. It certainly
owns all the rest Of the streets. y
The secret of Dantc's struggle
through life was in the reckless sarcasm
of his answer to the Prince Of Verona,
who asked him how he could account
for the fact that in the household Of
Princes the court fool was in greater
favor than the philosopher. Similarity
Of mind, said the fierce genius, is,
all the world over, the source Of friend
ship"
II say, your exclaimed the snub-
nosed boy. .'you're real English Lord,
bean't yerp" ssYes, my lad" replied
his Lordship, not altogether displeased
at the boys manner; and what do
you think Of real English Lordg'' Il
think, = said the youth, 'sas how there
isn't no danger Of England's running
out o. stuff 10 make Lords out o. Ii She
amt particuIarer than she seems I'd
be. "-B0st0u Transcript
The Rev. Mr.. A., who drove two
horses, met the Rev. Mr.. b., who drove
one horse attached TO a buggy: Mr.. B.
Brother A., how does It happen that
y0u need two horsesP Brother G.. Of
the Methodist Church has only one
horse, and Brother d., Of the Baptist
Church drives only one horse, and /
have only one. Why do you need two
horsesg" Brother A.-s.Because am
not one horse preacher. Texas Pa
per.
It Is related Of e distinguished lawyer
VINO observed that his wife always de-
iayed ten or twelve minutes before she
camo down 70 dinner, being loafh 20
lose 50 much precious time daily, be
commenced the composition Of q work
which he prosecuted only while he vas
thus kept waiting. The result was e
the end ok fifteen years q book ia three
volumes Quarto. which has met With 4
large sale and II much needed. I'd
bfss.
shoal and blazes" Is but poor sub-
Mf7fufn when II N3anrsnfaesn s.,. 4 &ss.R 7g