The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1885-01-12
BUTTER MAKING.
What Celebrated iiumorIst Knows About

What a Celebrated liumorist Knows About
That Industry.
Bal Nyc In Louisville COMrler.JOuraGl.
Butter is the mature fruit OF tho full
blown COW. 1t is the greatest effort OF
her life. Tho COW tolls not, neither does
she spin; yet say unto you that Solomon
mall his glory could5notbeat her on hand
made, or rather milk-made, butler. This
subtle Joke l have repaired and newly
upholstered for use during the winter.
Butter comes from the COW in liquid
state. Its quite trick to win her conf
dence SO that she will yield it up 10 u
total stranger. Ionee sought to woo the
lacteal fluid from the mill retort Of large
speckled COW to whom / was q Compara-
tive stranger. She wasn't one OF those
blooded cows that look as though they
have been cut out OF q sheet OF paper with
a pair OF scissors. She was a low COW,
with coarse instincts, born in obscurity.
Her brow was low, butshe wore her tail
high and she was haugllty-O, so naughty.
The young man who had hitherto acquired
the milk from this COW desired one even
ing to HE himself away to neighboring
village where lie might trip the light bonn
bastiC toe till the wee sma' hours anent
the twa.' Quotations from a poet who is
a poor speller.( He wanted PIE to milk
his large, specified, plebeian COW; and l
said would. The. movement was certain
ly i'll advised. / undertook to do as |
agreed, but failed. From the moment l
entered her stall and made common.
place remark to her knew our acquaint-
ance would not lead to swarm attachment.
Somehow felt constrained and uneasy in
her society from the moment We met until
loving friends pulled mo out through the
stable window and brought me back to
consciousness. l shall never undertake
to milk strange COW again until the sign
is right. So far the sign has not been
right.
might be sent on q Polar expedition
and get stranded on an iceberg, with no
ether alternative but to milk COW or eat
an old friend but should hate to tackle
the COW unless the friend was very poor
old friend indeed.
Butter is produced by. expunging the
juice from 9 rare and costly chemical
known as cream. Cream is the bead on
tbs milk MIX is known as dry and extra
tdry. A good milkman will always ask
you whether you want your milk wet or
otherwise.
An old well-digger named Grady told
me about goicg over into Southern lndi-
ana at one time to dig well for man
named Witbum. Withum was said to be
very ciose. He was the most contiguous
man in Indiana. His wife used to skim
the milk on ono side, and then turn II
over and skim the bubbles off. It was q
constant struggle between Withum and
| his wife to sec which would be the meaner,
The first day that Grady was there they
had a round ball Of butter about as big as
lemon and as heard as Pharaoh's heart.
| The butter.knife had q handle that would
turn every time any one tried to Geta lick
at the butter, and the little round ball
would flop over on the other side. Now
and then hired man would reach over
with his own knife and make slash at
IN, hut the butter, confident OF Its own
strength, would tip over with a dull thud,
and the man would heave Sigh and give
II up, Then another farm hand would
make a wild dash at it, but burst into
tears and quit. Finally Grady, who had
watched this performance several days,
iabbet his fork down through the middle
Of the yellow chunk and successfully cut
n In two. In the center was small, solid
wooden top "There," says Grady, eve
found out what the blamed thing Is wound
lon, anyhow