Morning journal and courier., 1885-12-31
FELL OFF.

"Are you riding your bicycle now, John sona'' teHo." ssSwore off" ssNo: fell offl'' Lowell Citizen
 Ferdinand Ward is now keeping books in Sing Sing. By the time his term expires he will own the institution down to the corner stone Philadelphia Call.
 II have such an indulgent husband" :" said little Mrs. Doll. "Yes, so George says re- sponded Mrs Spiteful, quietly sSometimes indulges too much, doesn't he?"-Ramb bier. Captain-:Have just bought fine watch 7" Lieutenant-ssDoes it go wellr' Captain ':Go well! Splendidlyl Fire! Blood! Makes an hour in forty minutes!'-German Paper.
 "Papa," said a lad the other night, after attentively studying for some minutes an en- graving of 8 human skeleton, Chow did this man manage to keep in his sdinner?"-Buffale Commercial.
 ''You are growing fat," said West Lynn CT to his grocer. How much do you weighF' stOh, that depends on business. Some days I weigh a ton, and some days I don't weigh much of anything. g."-Lynn Item.
 s'Madam, can you tell me why two women stop in the middle of the street crossing to talks" ''I suppose they do it for the same reason that man rushes at the top of his speed to get across the track In front of a train of cars and then stands and watches the train go by" The gentleman changed the subject.
 The Quick-Witted Ruralist.-One morn ing Mir. Simmer and his hired man were out in the barnyard hitching up horse. The dog commenced jumping at the horse and finally bit him on the nose. The dog then bit MT. Simmer and the hired man. They then began to notice his strange actions and concluded he was mad.-Port Jervis Union.
 A recent lesson in the Sabbath school was on the death of Elisha, and when one of the scholars came to the clause, "They buried him. the teacher asked, 'SWhy did they not cremate himg Do you think there is any en- couragement in the Bible for cremation!' ''No encouragement whatever" was the re- ply. "They tried it on the three that were cast into the fiery furnace, and didn't make it work. ."-New Orleans Picayune.
 Senator Mason's little boy accompanied his father one day to the barbers shop where the Senator had his boots blackened by a colored man. The next morning the Senator heard this much of a conversation carried on in the trundle bed by the young man and his little sister: 'tAn' did you know zat nig ger mems had black breff?' ''No. Does em.' asked the little girl. ''Yes; I sawed it yes terday. A nigger man des blowed his breff on papas boots an made 'em all black. '-St Louis Globe Democrat.
 ooh, Henry! you must send for the doctor at once. I believe I am getting the dropsy NOW, don't delay minute MT. De Dlanh @ -'tWhy, what put that idea into your head?' ''Dear me. Will you never be satisfied that what say is true? I got weighed to-day, and oh, it's awful. I weighed 300 pounds. /" 'sAwful! Where did you get weighed?" ''Around at your coal yard" ''Calm y UT self, my dear. Your weight is exactly 150 pounds. ',-Montreal Witness.
 A youthful theological student, so minute in stature that he ordinarily cannot make himself seen when behind the pulpit desk, recently preached near Exeter, N. H. An aged woman sat in the front pew, and was greatly concerned to see a boy in place of the expected minister. So she slipped on tiptoe to the pulpit stairs aud beckoned to him, whispering loudly: Come down, my boy; you mustn't sit there; that's the place for the minister. ."-Springfeid Republican.