davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
BEING ECONOMICALLY HoRRlelED.
Difficulty i'm Detecting the Real Woman
from the Counterfeit.


I dropped IN the ether day to see Few
York's great congress Of wax figures and
soft statuary carnival 1t Is quite a success.
The first thing YOU do on entering is to con-
tribute TO the PEDESTAL fund. New York
this spring IS mostly large rectangular box
with a hoie in the top. through which the
genial public is cordially requested to slide a
dollar 10 give the Goddess of Liberty a
boom.
l was astonished and appalled, AT the wealth
Of apertures in Gotham through which | was
expected 70 slide dine TO assist some de-
serving object. | never visited town that
offered so many inducements for early and
iCdiciOus investments a New York
But we were speaking of the wax works.
did not tarry long 10 notice the presidents
of the United States enbalmed IN wax. or
to listen 10 the ban1 of lutists who furnished
music IN the Winter garden. 1 ascertained
where tire chamber Of horrors was located,
and went there at once. II is lovely. | have
never ~son a more successful aggregation Of
horrors 4nder one roof and ~ one price Of
admission.
II YOU ssant TO be shocked at cost or have
your pores opened for merely nominal
price, and s1e a show that you will navsr
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30

II was a curious mixture of Christian and
heather ceremonial that was witnssse1 at the
funeral Of the late All Mon. in New York
city. II attracted considerable attention,
both from the fact that All Mon had been
the center Of a group o. Chinese converts
TO Christianity. and that he was a murdered
man. Several missionary societies have
labored long among the New York China
men. and "a one of the old lady IN ssionaries
said laying her hand ON his forehead 'Ah
Mon was a hind inoffensive member of his
race. he was liked not only by his own
countrymen. but by everybody who knew
him. one of our best scholars in the Sunday
school, and gave promise of great useful
ness to his people in our city,
The day Of the funeral Mott street. the
Chinese quarter, seemed TO be enjoying a
holiday Well dressed Cinnamon were
fiuttering in every direction in the street,
while the gambling houses were doing
rafting business within doors.
The funeral ceremonies commenced when
a COUSIN Of the deceased. All Som. took a
pack Of narrow cardboards, with prayers in
Chinese characters on them, and scattered
them ia the coffin Then he apostrophizei
his dead cousin in Chinese, and paused as
if expecting an answer Then he spoke
again. got no answer, and. bending
over the dead Chinaman. shook him vigor-
ously by the arm. He smoothei out the
garment he had ruffied. addressed the corpse
again a though in apology for disturbing it,
and withdrew
Then one old Irish woman. who knew him
in life dropped on her knees and recited a
prayer for All Mons soul For this she was
reproaehed by a companion, who bade her
Get up. and don't be wasting the good
prayer on a haythen.n After this the body
was carried in a procession Of lady
missionaries, Cinnamon aud police TO the
church, where Christian services we're held.
Again. at the grave in the cemetery the
burial service of the Episcopal church was
read. The Cinnamon waited meekly by
while all this was going on, as If there could
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
HAIL JULY.

The small boy seeks the fountain,
And calls for "Sassperilla,"
The maiden seeks the seashOre.
The Roman seeks his villa
The maiden AT the seashore.
Content with raising freckle-,
While papa tolls at home
To get iii- daughter shckcls,
Flirts with all upon the beach,
And shortly lands Ter man.
Who makes her change her non ds piiiBs,
From BeeTsheba 10 Dan.
The bold Italian opens -
un Apr'antis Via
A ho-tclry where thirsty popcs
lmbibo the foamiug bee-ah.
Now she upon the Jersey coast
And him Of Via Appi,
Are found to be quite frequently
Exceedingly unhappy
For Dan will flirt with other girls,
Aud Crsars slate j. full;
The only pay hes like to get
A worthless papal bull.
but hc who seeks the fountain,
The small boy j. the one
Who. when July comes on the scene.
Gets almos. all the fun.
lie has the festive July Fourth,
His crackers aud his punk,
And when he's hot he strips and jumps
Into the pool-ker- plunk
Despise not. therefore 20 be young,
og call for "sassperrilla;
Don't be "a maiden on the coast,
or banker for "A villa,
And when the heat = HOT,
As ON your back you lie,
Remember that when you were young
The boss month was July.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30

forget as long as YOU live, that is the place
10 find IL. | never invested my money so as
TO get so large a return for II, because tre-
quently see the whole show Vet in the middle
OF the night, and the cold perspiration rip
pies down my spinal column Just as il did
the first time | saw IT,
The chamber Of horrors certainly furnishes
a very durable show. i don't think | was
ever more successfully or economically hor-
rified.
got quite nervous after a while standing
there in the dim religious light watching
the lovely horrors. But il is the saving OF
money that look al most have known
men 20 pay out thousands Of dollars for
collection of delirium tremens and new laid
horrors no better than these that YOU get on
week DAYS for fifty cents and on SUNDAYS
for two bits. Certainly New York is the
place where YOU get your moneys worth.
There are horrors there in that crypt that
are we'll worth double the price of admis-
sion. One regularity of the chamber Of
horrors is that YOU finally get nervous when
any one touches YOU, and YOU Immediately
suspect that he is a horror who has come
out Of his crypt to get breath of fresh air
and stretch his legs
That is the reason / shuddered a little
"heu ltil "a iilhH ndiiu H1shcAs IL
was SO unexpected, and the surroundings
were such that ! must have appeared
startled. The man was stranger 10 me,
though ] could see that he was a perfect
gentleman. His clothes were superior TO
mine in every way, and he had certain re-
finement of manners which betrayed his ill
concealed Knickerbocker lineage high
said: ''Sir. you will find my fine-cut to-
haeea in he other pocket y
This startled him SO that he wheeled about
and wildly dashed into the arms of a wax
policeman near the door. When he dscov-
cred that he was in the clutches of a suit OF
second hand clothes snei with wax, he
seemed to he grssti- S1sys.' and strods
rapidly away.
But il is remarkable - go 'i.s people get
fooled at wax shr~. Every day a wax
figure il taken for live man, and live peo-
pie taken for wax. / took hold of n waxen
hand in one corner Of the Winter garden to
see If the ring was a real diamond. and it
flew up and struck me across the ear in such
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
a Difhcult Case.

Detroit Free Press
"Reubsn S.ringer." sail his honor as a
middle-aged co.orei man walHzei up to the
marx, you were druak last night.
Cant agree wild you, sab. OWN TO an
ATTACK of vertigo | might hev apparel mo-
or sooner disinsbriatei, but / ashore yo' il
war all a mistake. L Sc "a strictly decimus
gem'lan, sab
"Decimusm
Exactly. slh None o my friends ever
knew me to perorate TO de amount # one
single glass Of pop"
''Peroratew
Exactly. sab. / kin initiate de moas' re-
deemin' evidence To articulate de fack dat
vertigo am my one failin'. Do YOU desiah
de presence of fifty persons whose acrimony
kin be oonduced to reciprocatef
"Reciprocater' gasped his honor, growing
white clear back to his ears.
Exactly, sah- 1 now demand 10 lie
sworn ON my own behalf. As de sarcum-
stances eliminate de affiiavits you kin cross
examine me on any point not made wholly
infatious by de acceptability.n
For the lands saksln groane1 the court,
bat YOU have mistaken the place altogether.
Wha. YOU want is a colored ward caucus TO
nominate constable This is the police
Court
"Am TO affiliate from dat remark. sab,
dat my cum dig soils am no longer desirable
in dis locality!
Yes. sir. Why, man, / wouldn't UNDER
take TO get at the facts in your case for q
hundred dollar bill You nave been drunk,
you NAV have had an attack of vertigo, but
skip. Don't stay here another minute, and
remember that your next call here viii
bring sentence Of sixty days
'Jedge, lze anyhibiarsly obliged fur dis
display Of equilibrium. Good mawin' sab"
Success Of London Truth.
London Cor San Francisco Alta
There is probably not more successful
journal published in England at the present
time than The London Truth. Not only is
it seen in every club and drawing room in
London and the provinces. but, We have 10
ON good authority that 1t is extensively
read by the cowboys Of Colorado, Texas,
Oregon and Montana, and by the sheep
herdess Of Australia In all the capitals Of
Europe Truth is read with an eagerness
which is positively startling Go into
Galignani's library on the Rue de Rivoli in
Paris any Thursday morning, and there you
will sse hundreds Of copies ready TO he sent
off 20 their various subscriber while the
lbitIdl n Nh.uaA NAHtttG AasAfo UP
is a copy Of Truth.
Go into any public library in London,
such as the Grosvenor gallery or any other
fashionable reaiing-room. and you viii fint
the copies % Truth always being eagerly
scanned. The first paper which the popular
clergyman and preacher calls for as he
enters the library is by no means The
Caristian World or some other temperance
sheet bu. that terrible. back biting. scam
dal-loving TRUTH that seems = be ac-
quaintei with everybody else's business.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
AFTER DEATH.

Twas in that other land across
The seas Of death they met again
Their features wore a sign of loss,
And CLEANS OF unextinguished pain.
And do we meet again, he said,
In this strange, -pirit-peoplcd space /;
This long-imagined land Of shade,
still with my Eastern pride of face ''
Alas! / suffered much " she said,
- loved, bot could not speak for fear
/ did rot dream that thou vert dead
Good by; / can not hngeT here
He saw her pass, aud wild and rife
Ran olden memories Ia his heart.
Tie pride that severed them in life
Still kept them in that place apart.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
NOTES FROM NEW YORK
THE WORLDS FASTEST STEAMBOAT.
BUILT BY A BLIND MAN.
A Mixing of Rites mt a Converted China
mans Funeral-The Celestial Believes
the Christian Ceremonies Can DO
the Dead Mans soul No Harm.
ISneclal Corresnnnd..nce. !

NEW YORK, June lot has been a re-
markable fact that the river which foated
the first steamboat, the Clermont, should
for so many years possess the Mary Powell.
the Maud ;. Of steamboats,, with record of
twenty-six miles in one hour A speed
which II was averred by old steamboat men
could never he beaten. and now We have the
Stiletto, which last week made her inaugural
trip W the Hudson, testing her speed along
side of the Mary Powell, which she beat
easily. Though il was the Stiletto's trial
trip there was no Dolphin business about il.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30

trH-Onable khN mes OF
ID Ist1n Courierl
RECOGNIZES FRIEND.
AMI now the watermelon green
In market stalls attracts the eve;
The doctor with a smiling mien
Regards it as he passes by.
TIE MAX WHO COMPLAINS OF THE WEATHER.
Again the suns fierce heat amazeS,
And :nakas him swarthy as a creole;
he used q grumble. Cold as blazes!'
And now be saws IT'S hot a. sheoll''
THE VACATION SEASON.
Now 70 the bea ch or mountains, there TO
rcvel
Ia summer joys, his vigor 70 restore,
The weary pastor takes his way The devil
Keeps OF his business just as b.fore.
he CATCHES IT.
The small boy bounding DER the lea,
With cap in hand and shouts of glee,
Pursues the nimble humble bee
He catches il; thsn 20 the pool
Tie speeds his burning hand to cool,
And wishes he had gone TO school.
THE MERRY MAIDEN.
The saalskin sacque, that erst with pride she
wore.
Is now In clmphor safely laid away,
And from the sultry city 10 the shore
With pleasure hastes the maiden fair and
gay,
I'm linen, lawn, Or muslin, or pique,
And ribbons at her throat. a vision fair,
Along the yellow sanis where wavelets
play
She passes slowly. with pensive air,
Creating havoc 'mo1g the hearts Of mash
Crs there.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
TIE Clients Representation.

Boston Transcript
Client-Iiow does my suit get alongl Law
ycr-Spiendidly; | shall get at the truth Of
the matter. II il i a possible thing. Client
'-For heavens sake what are you thinking
of That's Just the thing that's going to
ruin me
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-30
CONSCIENTIOUS

That was very conscientious hnnorist
who broke Of an engagement because his
girl ha -chestnut" hair.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-23
CHEAPENEO WARES.

[Orginal.I
The value Of a thing grows les
When brought within the market place
Where all may see and criticise
And touch with lawless hand, il loses
grace!
The outlines Of picture seen
In all unsightliness, and then
At later stages. till IL reach
Its perfect finishment, j. scorned of men.
But when in hidden places wrought.
And only given TO the gaze
OF eager ewes. when wholly done,
Ii hollis the romance Of those secret days
Laces most exquisite are worked
In cellars filled with musty gloomS,
And diamonds most bright are found
In mother earth's deep-hidden, sombre
tomhs.
There j. a mystery in flowers
That blossom in the starleSs night,
There j. a greater charm III minds
Whose every work Is finished out Of sight.
The mechanism Of al art
Should y ear toe yell Of solitude,
Then silence. like rainbow mist.
Enshruuds them with it, fine beatitude
A pearl remaineth not u1soiled,
Doun where the blackened cinder falls,
70 gems d poetry and art
Are only cheapened wares in public stalls.
MEDoRA CLARK.
MADISON Wis June IL.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-23
Helena, Montana. Thursday, July ., 1885

rands for them. If the officer of the deck
calls out for a snatch block" jump for it,
and don't wait for the old salt 10 get it.
There's all manner Of odds and ends and lit
tie things in constant demand ON shipboard.
You want to know where, al moments
notice, you can lay your hand on rope yarn,
or a hammer or scraper, and fifty
other things | forget now. But never wait
for the old sailor in your watch to 90 for
them. "Jump" that's the word wien thes,
things are called for. Study where they are
kept; keep your pocket full of twine. It's
always being called for when there's none at
hand. In this way you'll soon work your.
self into the affections OF the older hands
They like 70 see boy know his place, and il
is boys place to do the light work, the
fetching, carrying and finding. You want to
know where lots Of things are slowed away
under the 't'gallant forecastle1 or other
places, where you must creep and crawl in TO
get them. Get yourself liked by the men for
your willingness, and not only are you
the sooner taught by them in many things
most necessary for your advancement, but
their liking viii prove the stepping stone
10 the favor Of the officers. Hard and
harsh as these may be, they soon also recog-
nize the .handy boy' Of the crew
You viii learn at sea to mend your
clothes for no one else will mend
them for you. You will learn also To
wash them, and IL in the rigging you hang IA
half washed article you may be reproved n
once | was by an old man-o'-war's man ON
the ground that ''such shirt as that was "A
disgrace to the ship You may, if lazy,
wash your fannels by tying them to a line
and allowing them to tow after the ship, in
which case. ON hauling them on board, you
may find the warp Of the cloth half dragged
out by the friction with the Atlantic or yeu
may not find your garment at all from the
knots slipping loose. You may learn how
to put paint ON a vessels side If she Is on a
long voyage Indeed, a sailors profession
seaman acquires a handy knack Of turning
his hand to the carpenters saw, the smiths
anvil, the painters brush, the needle. the
awl, and many other things.
Because the sailors house, the ship. is
always. lie she ever 50 new, in state OF
constant repair-always being knocked to
pieces. IT, rigging chafed and worn here.
paint scraped of there, bulwark smashed,
boat stove, mast sprung sail torn, a
pump valve needing a cover, a crack in the
hull-something l. always giving way under
the assaults Of wind and waves-including
the mates tempers and patience.
PRENTICE MILFORD.
RpGTQx limo Il
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-23
BosToN. June IL.
WAY BUCHANAN NEVER MARRIED.
Particulars ot q sad Love Arlir-A Very
Unfortunate Misunderstanding.

Benz fcFArF i@1rt.i
Mr. Bicaanan was ragarlel almost at ths
commencement Of his congress ional career
a confirmed bachelor. his first and only
love affair having ha a sad termination.
TIE lady, name waS Ann Coleman. and she
was the daughter of proud. wealthy citi-
zen OF Lancaster In ls21 Mr. Buchanan
was elected 10 congress, and the next long
session was continued far into july. when he
returned hons in the Baltimore stage, tired
and dusty After he had washed and
changed his clothes. he started out for n
short stroll. in his dressing gown AMI slip
psrs.
Miss Grace Hubley. sister-in-Iaw to Will
lam Jennings, who resided on the corner Of
South Queen street, the terminus of the
southwest angle. happening TO be sitting in
the parlor with all the windows open ON ac-
count Of the heat, noticing that Mr. Ba
chanan had returned. wont to the door. AMI.
passing the compliments Of the evening. in
vitei him in. with which he compile ami
they seated themselves by large open
window and engaged in conversation Not
more CHAN twenty minutes thereafter aI
anonymous note was handed in To Miss Cole
man, stating that Mr. Buchanan was too
tirei TO call on his affiancel. but that hs
1Vuil cdll ON anu slt anu -uat Win MIS-
Hubley.
On perusing the note Miss Coleman was
naturally somewhat troubled, and her
father insisted upon seeing it. His offended
dignity was at once in arms. and within an
hour the daughter was placed in the family
carriage and n the way to Philadelphia to
visit her sister, Mrs. Judge HemhilL Know
ing she unrelenting nature II her father.
and probably feeling hurt at the innusndo
thus anonymously conveyed to her, although
an intelligent and accomplished young lady,
and very much attached To he. bethrotei
lover, she became despondent, and in her
despair took laudanum and was a corpse on
the day following her reaching Philadelphia
Mr.. Buchanan requested permission to at
lend the funeral as chief mourner. but was
-udely refused Being a man of ardent af-
fection. and entirely devoted to his be-
trothed, Mr.. Buchanan's mind was nearly
unhinged at the sudden calamity which had
befallen him, 50 much 80. indeed, that his
friends became uneasy, and Judge Franklin
persuaded him to remain In his family a few
days He never forgot his early love. so
sadly terminated.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-23

BaRNUM'S PRIZE BABY.
The Winner OF 500 and a Gold Badge
Turns Up Unexpectedly.

The Winner Of 500 and a Gold Badge
Turns Up Unexpectedly.
London Truth
The real name of Perugini, the tenor. is
Chatterton He proves Woryisworths say
ing that the child is the father OF the man.
He is, in plastic sense, a masculine beauty.
aud at the age OF 5 years and months won
first prize at Barnums baby show. 1t was
awarded him by a jury Of twelve ladies. who
all kissed and caressei him. He retains
vivid recollection Of the ordeal The prize
was 800 and gold badge.
When Barnum sailed last for Europe Per-
ugni was in the same steamer. Meeting
him on deck, the famous Snowman put his
hands in his pockets, planted himself firmly
on his feet, stared at the tenor, and said:
@Well, / guess this amt the first time I've
met your mo, Mr. Barnum. il is not. !
am curious to see il you can remember
where the meeting was Mr.. Barnum
thought and thought ~Perugini, Peru
gini,. he cogitated Il have seen the name
in operatic advertisement, but can not
sociate it with the face. which somehow l
know we'll Are you an lsalianP No
well, then what were you called origin
allyfn "Chatterton.. That's it, You're
the prize baby Yes, Mr.. Barnum. it is
To you owe my earliest success" $50 il Is:
and I'm proud TO hear You acknowledge it.
A few days later an attempt was made To
get up concert on board. Barnum came
to ask Perugini 10 be tenor vocalist The
singer who was not well, needed 10 be
pressei Said Barnum' IF you don't shake
of that cold and sing. III tell how you were
the hero of the baby exhibition For
Heavens sake don't. Keep silent about II,
aud you shaIl have tho song. But you must
be my sponsor Barnum, therefore, ON the
occasion Of the concert, advanced 70 the
place set apart for the singers, leading the
handsome young tenor. anu said: Ladies
and gentleman: Allow me 10 present TO you
Sig. Perugini. whose first appearance in pub
lie took place under my auspices, under
what circum .tances you need MT ak. for /
don't mean to tell YOU Barnum told Peru
gini that he was the liquid-eyed Juvenile he
remembere aim, plus mu>tache. Hs has
just the face ani figure of the ~beau jeune
premier and voice sweet enough to melt
the hearts Of obdurare coquettes.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-07-23
CofiinS ys. Cucumbers-


There is a store on the north side which Is
occupied by an undertaken. Several choice
coffins are placed artistically in his show
window. Some are mems sizes and some OF
cherubic dimensions. In this window, filled
with reminders which make all Of Us feel
small. this undertaken put sign. Part Of
window 10 rent A man came along who
rented part Of the. window paid for it and
began moving in his merchandise. He was a
vegetable dealer, and pilei up cucumbers
and other choleric truck alongsits the cof-
fins in a manner which ruffisi the coffin
dealer. A lawsuit il on the tapis. The
health department viii be called upon TO de-
eide whsther a man who deals in death
truck i any wosse than the man who adver-
tises for dead people. The north side Is
awaiting the outcome Of this decision with
batej breath. They are betting on the
man with the cucumber pile.