News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-06-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

In New York rents remain as high as
ever, but houses are falling.
IT is noticeable fact that the tight
man always transacts his business in a
very loose manner.
WE don't know for certain there is a
man in the moon; but we are dead sure
there is one in the honeymoon.
ONE of the regular duties of the Vice
roy of Ireland Is to kiss all the young
ladies who are presented at his recep-
| tions.
TD1ID Buyer-"Is the horse shy or
timid ?" Ardent Seller-'Not a bit of
it. Why, he sleeps all alone in his
stable"
''A COUNTRY where the parties are al
ways young and the children always
little, is Victor Hugo's bright definition
of Paradise.
A BOSTON mendicant writes to a paper
for aims to keep him from starving to
death, and very appropriately signs
himself "Nota bene."
SOME one says: "A play must have a
motive" Most of them have, and it
seems to be to get people to pay $1.5
to see twenty-fve-cent show.
THERE is fortune In store for the
milliner who shall devise bonnet that
can be worn in any part of church
and always present its trimmed side to
the congregation.
You go out to hunt a man who owes
you money; you find him and get a
promise-that's work. You go out to
hunt man who owes you money; you
find him and get it-thats luck.
81 CAN'T say as he went to heaven"
remarked Fort Scott citizen of de-
ceased townsman, "but he paid bill of
eleven years standing only the day be-
fore he died, and you can Judge for
yourself"
''MA," said little Johnnie, holding up
his mothers slipper, ''can you tell me
why your slipper is like the after sail of
papa's ship?" "No, my son; why is it ?"
Because" said little Johnnie, SITS a
spanker."
To "H. L. BIN answer to your
query as to how the Statue of Liberty
is getting on, we would say that she has
nothing just at present to get on, but in
other respects she is doing quite well,
thank you" life.
'.I SEE your wife's back" said Joe
Praessus to John Peene, whose better
half had been on visit to Hastings.
"Well," said Peene, 'sif you see any
thing on my wife's back that amt paid
for, just mention it.
sI'D have you to know" said Mrs. F.,
with some asperity, "that my brother
has always moved in the best society,""
d'Yes." replied ,Fogg, "or he was never
allowed to remain in it; which. of course,
is the same thing, my dear"
You say" said Judge to witness,
THAT the plaintiff resorted to an in
genious use of circumstantial evidence.
State just exactly what you mean by
that" "Well," said the witness, ':my
exact meaning is that he lied"
ACCORDING to the Boston Sentinel, of
July, 1881, Jefferson was solicited on
behalf of some claiming to have saved
their country. Yes he responded,
Rome was once saved by geese; but 1
never heard these geese were made rev.
enue officers"
If you have been moving and cannot
find the blacking brush don't spend
your time in looking in this corner and
that, but go directly to the box where
you keep your white neckties and you
will find it. If you can't find your
white neckties look In the blacking
case. These rules always hold.
WHEN lovely woman throws rock,
contumacious hen to scare,
1t gives tn artistic eye a shock
To mark her attitude and air.
But be not to your danger blind,
If you should be beside her then;
At once place of safety find,
That is to say, stand near the hen.
Boston Courier