St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-02-07
THE LlME-KILN CLUB.
Result of Experiments on Various Members
by Prof. Zollicoffer Shortrack.

Result OF experiments on various members
by Prof. Zollicoffer shortrsck.
As soon as the meeting opened Brother
Gardner announced that Prof. Zolli-
Golfer Shortrack, of Meridian, Miss,
was in the ante-room. The Professor
came this way to give the various local
members of the club the benefit of his
experience in compounding cures for
chilblains, boils, ringworms, ETC.. and
for the past three days had been eNperi-
menting on a number of individuals.
He had been asked to address the meet
ing on the subject of Diseases, ALL
ments and Their Preventives and Cures. !"
and when the hall was ready for his re-
ception he entered with the air of man
perfectly at home in the highest society.
He would doubtless have handled his
subject in a thorough and able manner
had not something occurred to pre-
vent it.
Samuel Shin came limping in as the
Professor took the platform, and de-
manded chance to be heard. The
stranger had sold him box Of salvc for
two dollars and warranted it to knock
his chilblains sky-Aigh in six hours. In
stead of the chilblains it was Samuel
who had been elevated about seventy
five feet, and he felt that he was still
rising. His feet had been made so sore
that locomotion was hardly possible, and
the pedals which formerly slipped into
No. II boots without any effort could
not now be induced to enter 4 siy-inch
Stove-pipe.
The Hon. Oliver Cromwell Asbestos
followed Brother Shin. He had for
years been troubled with a wart on his
nose. The Professor had taxed him
one dollar for small phial of liquid,
and warranted it to run that wart into
the back counties inside of day, and
that without pain to anybody. He
wanted the club to gaze on his nose !!
Indeed his face was all nose. and the
nose was all wart. Three different re-
putable physicians had plainly told him
that he would never be pretty again.
The innocent-looking Pickles Smith
come third. For the last five years he
has had scar on his scalp, being the
result of blow from stick of wood in
fessor offered to remove the scar and
cause a new growth of wool over the
spot for the small sum of seventy-fiye
cents. Pickles handed out the solid cash
and bowed his head to the yoke. He
wanted the club to gaze on that head.
and pulled off his cap to give the mem-
bers a fair chance. Two-thirds of his
wool had vanished, and the other third
was just dying to pull up stakes, while
the scalp resembled dudes crushed
strawberry evening vest.
The Professor had been dreadful un-
easy from the outset, and as Brother
Smith exhibited his head the man of
cures made bolt for the door, Before
reaching it he was seized and flung
down, and by the orders of Brother
Gardner he was searched. An inspec-
ton of his pockets brought to light thirty
cents in cash, remedy for bad breath,
and various receipts for salves and
liquids. The money was divided among
the three sufferers, and the Professor
was then escorted to the alley door and
given start in the world AS Giveadam
Jones was the starter, and as he had on
a new pair of cowhides and plenty of
room to swing his LEG, the send-off was
probably all that could be desired.
(which goes to prove" said Brother
Gardner, as the hall recovered its usual
order, ''dat, while we mus put mo- or
less confidence in human natur as we
pass frew life, de man who buys a jack
knife widout tryin' de blades on Shin
gle may fin whittlin' harder work than
hoein' con. ."-Detrca Free Press.