The Opelousas courier., 1885-05-02
Fire Cranks.
MEN WHO INSIST UPON ASSISTING VOL.
UNTEER FIREMEN.
An Original Sketch Exhibiting Oharac'
tiers Familiar TO All Our Readers.

WHO always dtVCAu OfOAJ Ho
sist upon giving orders and getting in
the way of the fremen. When the
alarm sounds and you jump out of bed
in the dark and get your pants on
wrong side to, and tie the s%uspenders
around your neck to keep them from
falling off, and with n boot on and
coat on your arm rush down the street
and arrive at the fire out of wind and
half dressed you find these characters
on the ground swearing because the
firemen haven't dragged their heavy
engine and truck through the mud and
arrived at the fire before they did.
We will describe some of these charac-
tiers for the benefit of the public:
THE MAN WITH A VOICE LIKE A LOCO
MOTIVE.
There is, for instance, the nan with
a voice like a locomotive whistle, who
acts as if the whole conf1agration was
under his personal control. He stands
in a conspicuous place, generally upon
a box or a barrel, which he seems to
carry with him for such purposes,
wildly ge~sticulating and bowling or
ders to the chief engineer and other
officers. He usually gets knocked
down by a ladder or meon turns
the hose on him by accident. After
he has gathered himself up, gets all
the muddy water out of his mouth and
tears, Strengthened out his stiff hat, he
goes off to a safe distance and has a
good deal to say about the ineficiency
of volunteer fremen in general.
H MAN WITH THE AXE.
An equally absurd character is the
man with the axe He is always early
at a fire accompanied by a new axe,
No one knows where he got the axe
and no one ever saw him carry it back
to where he got it tor the simple rea,
son that he never returns it; but
while he is at the fire he makes things
lively. He isa perfect whirlwind O
destruction he batters in doors, chops
window blinds off, smashes the fence
down, and in his frantic desire to saw
property he demolishes everything
that an axe will make an impression
on. This crank, who is too weak Il
do any manual labor and lets his wifi;
chop all the fire wood at home, viii
create havoc and destruction for tire.
blocks around a fire. He has ever
been known, when the hitching pos
and pumps were cut down all arount
the block, to turn in and cut the shade
trees down in the next lot to keep the
fire from spreading.
THE MAN WHO WANTS A LADDER.
Then there is the man who has al
inordinate desire for a ladder. II
tones swelling with profanity and ex
element, he shouts /: Have any of yo,
got a ladder; great gods, will none o
you give me a ladder'-as if a ladde
were something that everybody carried
inIhislpocket like ajack-knife. When b,
can't get a ladder he tries to climb u,
the Water-spout sc that he may, at tn
risk of breaking his neck, open some
of the second story windows and lei
the air in and give the fire a chance.
THE HELPLESS MAN.
In contrast with the above vigoron
character is the helpless individua
who goes about swinging his hands il
a helpless manner, or carrying o pal
with the bottom knocked out and get
ting in the fremen's way he get
tripped up with the hose, hit on th,
head with a bucket and knocke.
about generally. He stops the fore
man of the hook and ladder compan,
and asks him how the fire originates
and If he thinks there is a chance o
its spreading but the foreman onI,
has time to address some bad words {,
him and tell some of his men to til
the ladder over to him.
THE MAN OF COURAGE.
And the courageous man never fail
to appear. He wants to make himsel
useful. He dosen't care where as lon,
as he is in a conspicuous place wherI
the crowd can see him. He will Wres
tie with the hose, crawl up the ladde,
on the top of the roof and have all th,
iremen swearing at hina. About thi
time he gets a red-hot cinder down
his back and his courage oozes dowl
into his boots along with a bucketfu
of icy cold water some fireman turn
down his back then he goes hom,
and tells his wife how hard he ha
been working trying to save property.
THE FUNNY MAN.
We must not forget the funny mai
who wants everybody to see the fir,
and enjoy the fun. He general,
wakes up about half an hour after th,
alarm has sounded and everybody ha
gone to the fire that wanted to. III,
goes down the street yelling fire will
a voice like a fog horn, and if people
don't turn out fast enough to suit hin
he rings the door bells, rattles tn
windoW-shutters and gets all the dog!
in the vicinity barking, aud then b,
goes away satisfied.
THE MAN WHO is THE FIREMEN's
FRIEND.
And the fremen's friend AWAY
manages to get to the fire. He stalk
among the crowd In a pompous man
ner, rubbing his hands, and ia a Ion,
voice praising the fremen from th
chief down to the torch boys. Th
fremen are working like heroes and i
they need any help. he is willing t
assist him. About this time the hool
and ladder men wish to pull down
small building and call for help on th,
rope at this period the friend ian b,
found on the opposite side of til
stree leaning against the fence will
his hands in his pockets. After th,
fire is subdued someone asks the fire
men down to the hotel to have some
thing warm to prevent them from tax.
ing cold. The friend mingles with
them and manages to get three or fou,
drinks to a fireman's one.
1..-h-