Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-12-17
BRIGHT BITS.

WIFE Ito sick husband)-"The doctor says
your system needs = stlmulant and has pre-
scrlbed whisky" Patient eagerly THAT
physician has diagnosed my case correctly;
he knows his business. When are we to be-
gint" Wife-"Right away. You are to take
nan a teaspoonful after each meal. "-Nelo
York Sun.
"Do You recognize this Instrument" said
the lawyer to the prisoner at the bar, point
Ing 10 a written contract. u think DO,
calmly responded the man addressed. Twill
you be kind enough to inform the court what
the nature of this instrument isY" "Y on drew
the Instrument up l belve" asked the
prisoner. Il did" replied the tOrmentor.
Then I should say it was wind instru-
ment."- YonkerS Statesman.
will you please give me some dinner,
ma ann" begged tramp.
Il guess So" was the reply. "Will you have
Pm not particular" said the tramp.
There was a time" he went on, mournfully,
when l wouldn't think of setnn' down to
dinner without soup: but things is different
now. You kin start me on roast beef, or pie,
or even an ontry, for all care. "-EGchdtge.
PLANTATION PHILosoPHY.-rs sorry fur de
'spepuc pu-sOn. | would ruther hab er good
stomach an halter 60 hungry all my life den
ter hab er bad stomach wild er full smoke-
house. Jes' er bout de times err ~ an stops an
says, IL has fOun' out dat I'se a fool" udder
70! ks says dat he's smart, and when he
thought dat he wuz smart, udder folks
know'd he was er fool. Some folks hates er
lie so bad dat da tells a leetle mo- den de
truth, an dat is de wust sort er lynn. fur de
good deal o. truth OATS In whut day says
makes us bet on de part whit is er ie.-Ar-
bdnSdso IrdoelIeF.
WILLIAM HENRY HURLBERT's latest story
10 that in the English service, whether it be
naval, military or civil, three applicants for
position are examined at a time. Two OF
these applicants are idiots, that the favOrlte
may nave no difficulty in passing. Not long
q atrs s,f
his superior with upifted hands and horror
stricken countenanCe and cried out: zone of
the idiots has pas5ed!' "GoOd Lord1' ex-
claimed the superior, "where can we get an
idiot to Oil his place" PHILADELPHIA Press.
AN EASTERN YOUNG MAN returned home a
few days ago from a trip to Colorado for his
health, and in narrating his adventures he
tod about buying silver mine for $1,000. II
knew tbey'd rope YOU in! exclaimed the old
man. $50 you were ass enough to buy hum
bug miner" "Yes; but didn't lose anything.
/ formed company and sold half the stock to
connecticut man for 81, 0OO." "1-you dld"
gasped the old man, as he turned white. "PU
bet I'm the one who bought IT." II know you
are" cooly observed the young man, as he
crossed his legs, and tried to appear very
much at home Wall Street NelcS.
He heard several old miners, who had for
many years been living rough frontier life,
discussing what they would do when they had
made their piles" aed could return with
riches ITO the states" s'Wel," said one grlz-
ely old veteran, Il know what I'll do. I'll go
rs straight as the cars III take me TO New
York, anu when get there I'll. make bee
line Tor NelmOnco's, ami I'll get the blank
eddy blankedest dinner that money can buy.
l don't care If it costs me $50, I'll have it,
Now, what do you think you would order"
queried Fred, with some curiosity. ''if you
were t. 90 into DelmOnlcO's for a fifty dollar
dinner" "Wen. ! dunno; but ! guess IA
have some ham and eggs-yes. would; I'd
have ham and eggs, by gosh"-HOtet Gazette.
COUNTRY MERCHANT Ito Chicago drummer
"A 81. Louis firm offers me Is months
time"
Chicago Drummer-"Only Is months? They
are trying TO swindle you"
Northumberland time can your house
give?"
Chicago Drummer-"FOur years are our
usual terms, but II tell you what I'll do. lou
give me an order and if the account Is not
paid in 90 days I'll take 10 per cent. of. il not
paid IN 90 days 20 per cent. of, and If not
paid in 80 days 80 per cent. off,"
Newfoundland If not paid in months?'
Chicago Drummer-"Then I'll wine the &C
count eli the books altogether and sendyou q
framed photograph of our monster establish
ment No St. Louis firm can do business in
this territory while the representative of
Alexander Rock bottom & Co. Is Abroad
CfRctQNdti Sun.