Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-01-28
PLEASANTRIES.

~
A SEVERE critic at a picture gallery :
An old maid (innocently Landscape !
Nature, indeed. Why, it's no more like
nature than I am p Punch.
PAPA" said a minister's little boy on
the way home from church on Sunday,
"was that true story you told In the
sermon this morning or was 1T only
preaching p.
MR.. MooDY's intention, as reported,
to found Plumbers Christian Associa
ton in Chicago, indicates that much
success has turned the evangelist's head.
= Buffalo Express.
AT the art gallery: Mrs. Newgold-
"This, Aunt Eunice, is real old mas
ter" Aunt Eunice-"W Well, / shouldn't
care if it was; it's just as good IS some
o. the new ones. > Life.
A MEMBER of the Kentucky legislature,
who attended service at the Episcopal
church at Frankfort, was asked how he
liked it, and he replied: "Purty well !;
riz and fell with them every time"
AN Ithaca paper tells of a little f.
year-old child, who, upon retiring the
other night, began to say her evening
prayer as usual, and after repeating, "f
I should die before / awake" paused a
moment and added: What rumpus
there would be in this housep
A DISTINGUISHED statesman, kecently
on his travels, advised a young married
couple never to get mad at the same
time" But he did not kiss the bride
when invited TO do so. His better half
was along and might have got mad
alone.-[ Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle.
MAGISTRATE (newly appointed):
"Now, constable what cases this
morning?" Police Sergeant: please
your Worship, have in custody-John
Simmons, alias Jones, alias Smith, al"
Magistrate: "Ah, well-I1l try the
women first. Bring in Alice Jones. =
Punch.
A FESTIVE dude came into our sane
tum. He had poem; we kindly
thanktum. With the official club we
gently planktum over the top of mis-
phizaranktum. He swore an oath which
sounded like blanktum, and gazed at us
like dinged old cranktum and there
then was vacancy in our sanctum.-
Evansville Argus.
WHAT he objected to-@So you've
been practicing at the skating rink,
eh?" said friend to Simpkins. Eyes"
admitted Simpkins, 81 have" "Well,
how do you take to the rollers?" "Oh,
I've no objection to the rollers. They're
all right. It's the chalk on the floor I
object to. It's so darned hard to brush
oE.n-TOl City Blizzard.
"CoME on" called bridesmaid to
the bride, who was standing before a
mirror, touching and retouching.
@What are you standing before the glass
for, when ever, thing is waiting?" BE
cause, dear" she answered with proyok-
ingpatience, 1T is well for one to indulge
in some reflection before one gets mar
ried, you know Merchant Traveller.
4 FEW years ago the Rev. Mr.. Coates,
the pastor of the Baptist Church in this
city, while administering the consola-
tio1 of the gospel to an Invalid lady in
his parish, said: 81 hope sister that
yea are resting on the promises" She
sad, eyes, [ am" He then asked:
"What special promise are you chiefly
resting on?" And she replied, Grin
and bear it. > Portland Oregonian.
MISTRESS -~Mercy, Bridget, what's
the matter of the water? This did not
come out of the filter, did it?" Bridget
-"Indade, it did, num-" "Thatis
strange; I ana afraid you have not
cleaned it lately" Il did that this very
morning, mum, and sucha lot of stuff
as I found in it, sure. Why, mum,
here was mist a peck O. dirt, num-"
Dear mel What kind of dirt?" "Grav-
ell and chaircioal, num- Philadelphia
Call.
THERE is modified morality which
is peculiar. At the time the Baptist
revivalist, Earl, was holding his pro-
tracted meetings in Virginia City, the
wife of gambler rose to testify to the
happy effect he was having on the COM
munity. "Why, before brother Earl
came here" she said, "my husband run
a regular brace, but now, thanks to
Brother Earl's Christian teaching, he's
dealing as square game as there is in
Virginia City, Denver Opinion.
A GENTLEMAN just returned from
India thus relates his experiences: "The
worst thing about the place" he says, is
the nuisance of numerous servants.
Why, when I was at Bogglywallag, I
had four servants to look after my pipe
alone" -Four servants to attend to
your pipe alone?" ayes. The first one
brought it to me, the second filed it,
the third lit it" "And the fourth 2"
20, he smoked It'll I never could abide
tobacco IN any form, you know.-lN. Z.
Tribune.
"NoNE of these barrels are labeled
with the nature of their contents" said
the wholesale liquor dealer to his clerk /;
"this is great blunder. We shall be
obliged to bo1e them and draw off lit
tie of the liquor or we shall not be able
to tell whether we're selling brandy,
gin, whisky or rua-" Suppose we
send for phrenologist?" suggested the
clerk. "A phrenologist? What for?
He may be able to tel tS %ar' b Is IN the
Boston Courier.
A PIous father on the West Side en-
eo10nr, Loot