The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-08-27
BROTHER GARDNER IN JAIL.
The Lime Kiln Club Demands Satisfaction
Damages and Blood.

Damages and Blood.
Detroit Free Press.J
AS the members began to fill the chairs
and benches in Paradise hail. and the hand
of the clock crept along toward the usual
hour for opening, there was much wonder
and speculation over the absence of Brother
Gardner. 1t was noticed that Sir Isaac
Walpole, Elder Toots and Judge Cadaver
were in close and earnest consultation, and
when the triangle finally sounded its nots
of warning there was an underlined fear that
something was about to happen-something
not down on the usual programme.
SIR ISAAC EXPLAINS
''My frens," said Brother Walpole, as
solid hush fell upon the assemblage, ''Our be-
loved president left fur de western part of
de staff two days ago to deliber a lektur
befo' a body named DE Association fur de
Suppreshun of Corrupt legislators He
departed in response to telegram, an he
left in such hurry dat he took muffin wild
him except pocket-comb an change of
paper collahs. He 'spected to return in
about twenty-four hours, but he am still
absent, an no word or line has bin received
from him. We will open de exercises by
singin' song constructed and finished off
entirely by hand by de Hon. CASTOR Jmkins,
of Varginny."
A JUST REWARD.
At the conclusion of the song Waydo wn
Beebe arose with tears in his eyes and his
bosom making thirty-six revolutions per
minute As chairman of the committee on
disnfectants and poetry he had offered a
prize of IS to the best ode to the watermelon.
There was no need of going any further or
waiting any longer He should at once for
ward his note of hand to the builder of the
ode-a note drawn at one year, without in
dorsement or interest.
HEARD FROM.
Brother Bebee's heroic and philanthropic
resolution was being vigorously cheered
when the keeper of the outer door announced
a communication and sent it up to the presi-
dents desk Sir Isaac Walpole was visibly
affected as he perused it, and in his nervous
excitement he lost one of the eyes to his
spectacles and knocked a bottle of ink off the
desk full upon the secretary's bald pate.
THUNDERBOLT.
sMy frens," said Sir Isaac as soon as he
could control his voice and stand on his legs,
''dis message explains de mysterious absence
of our president. Listen while 1 read:
ST. JOSEPH COUNTY, Mich,
In THE COUNTY JAIL.
NY Dear Brethren: At de close of my
lectur' las mite l was arrested on de charge
of havin' received bride to inhooence my
offishul ackshuns Dey have taken me fur
a member of de legislachur, an 1 am
charged with havin' received de sum of
$500 for my vote on land grant bill to a
sartin railroad. While it am, of course,
case of mistaken identity, an while / shall
eventually emerge from dis cell winter dan
cut-loaf sugar, popular indignashun has so
blinded de public dat you may not see me
home fur seberal days-perhaps week.
Some of you go oher an see de ole woman
an lend her a few shillin's to run de house
ON until my return, an some mo- of you be
prepaid to take a freight train fur dis
place upon receipt of postal keerd. shall
hev to be identified, an shall hev to prove
dat / heVen't bin widin fifty miles of de
house of representatives doorin' de present
seshum Let Sir Isaac Walpole be called
to de char, an let de meetin' go on de same
as if de dishonesty of high public Of6shuls
had not brought dis calamity upon us.
Bro. GARDNER.
CONFUSION.
All was uproar and confusion at once
Giveadam Jones called for 500, 600 volunteers.
armed with 500, 600 bone handled razors, to
follow him to the rescue, and to shed 1905
gallons of blood to wipe out the insult.
Shindig Watkins said he was ready to lay
down his life, if necessary, and his words
were echoed by Judge Cadaver, Cohorts Per
kins Trustee Puliback and fifty others, and
the enraged mob glared around for victim.
Sir Isaac spoke soothingly. 1t was a mis-
take which had often happened before 1t
had often been remarked that Brother Card
ner looked like a member of the legislature,
and the people who caused his arrest would
willingly apologize as soon as their victim
was properly identified. As for the routine
business of the meeting, it had all been upset,
and he thought the wisest policy was to
adjourn.
The decision was concurred in by the Rev.
Penstock, Waydown Bebee and other influ-
entail members, and a motion to adjourn
was carried The hall then became the head
quarters of such an excitement that the
police several times raped on the alley door
and threatened arbitrary measures. 1t was
finally decided by the members of the club:
l. To raise SO and employ lawyer who
can cry to jury.
g. To forward a committee of five mem
hers by the first Blue Line freight train
8. To demand full satisfaction for the in
suit, and to accept nothing less than $50, 900
damages.
4. 70 take said 1000 damages and erect
a new Paradise hall.