Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-11-04
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

aid. kissed her almost continual
y every evening / called at her house
Lawyer for the defendant: "Then you
,onfess ii?" Defendant: eyes do
confess II; hut had TO do it." Lawyer:
You had 10 do II? What do you
nean?" DEPENDENT: THAT WAS the on
y way could keep her from singing"
The jury gave verdict for defendant
without leaving their SEATS.
Fret bridemad You'll never tell?"
Second bridemaid: "Of course not. II
never do, you know" First bridemaid
= Wei, she told me-in strict con fldence
lnderstsnG-that, though Jack was
poor, they were going to travel all the
summer and stop at the best hotels, and
that they got the 10 oney by selling their
wedding presents. Now, I wonder IL
my spoons are paying part Of the ex-
penses."
Wifa Aren't you getting little
hald, dear 2" Husband Yes but
| must expect 1t at my time of life"
Wife " Nonsense. You needn't be
bald for ten years yet II you would
take proper care CT your hair. In JUS
tice to me, think you ought TO try
some remedy" husband Why In
justice To you, my dear 2" Wife !:
" Because, II you should become bald
! would be placed In very fA.se posi-
ton"
Are you to take astronomy next
term, Elise ?" inquired Q sweet girl
graduate Of . young friend. Hardly
splendid astronomical lessons during
81. - MI ha
text books and an atlas >" "Ob,
Lonise. my dear, he says I'm all the
world to him. and when lean my head
on his shoulder, he is my Atlas !"
1t was at the bAptismal font, and the
minister had the baby In bis arms
d" What Ia the name" he asked the
mother. Josephine Newton" "Jos
Il. Newton, l baptise thee e." "No.
no, Lurriedly whispered the mother,
In great alaim, Not Joseph e New
ton-Josephine Newton. It's not thai
kind OF a baby"
Poetry, q waved mustacbe, mystery
long hair. and q sweet tenor voice will
often make q woman foe as IL there wal
only sheet OF tissue paper between
heaven aud herself, hut it Ia the maj
with the wart on his nose and sil
figures In his bank balance who SCOOP
her in and makes her happy ever after
ward.
One reason, undoubtedly, why thu
young man wits the boating seasor
With 40 much impatience Is that he can
take his girl out sailing, aud repeat the
old, old conuDdrum, Shall | hug the
shore Q" expecting the delicioui
. 1 4 a., - L..
than that which will answer the pur
pose.
Young Perkins: Ethel, in few
days will be far, far away" Ethel
I" How far 2" Young Perkins 81
know not-thousands OF miles, perhaps
To morrow night shall leave this house
perhaps forever" Ethel: What,
the matter with to night, that you
should give TO morrow night the pre-
ference ?"
Scene-OouDtry house time -aftel
dinner. Old friend you ought =
be- proud Of your wife. joe" Host
Yes" Old friend "she's q mos
brilliant baker" "She ought TO be {"
could listen to her for a who'll
night" Host, YEARLY; IL oitel
do 20
A middle aged man lately presente<
himself At the matrimonial altsr. Tn
clergy man, having surveyed him for
IN ON emit, said But friend, l thini
Jon have wife already living ="
may lie so, SIR" said he, &" for l have
| very treacherous memory"
81 wonder, miss said q custome
at n pastry cooks shop to the Hebe q
the counter" that she sight Of 80 man,
delioacies does not inspire you with
desire TO taste them." You forget
sir." replied the yrung lady, chillingly
that 500 them made"
| How Is Jim Bullard getting on?
asked q stranger at the railroad static
ofa Dakota town. "Jim kermitte
suicide bout month ago." replied
native. Committed suicide? Flo,
did be- commit suicide?" He Gale
me liar, stranger.
A son OF the EmeraldIsle was carryip
q duck along the street the other day b
the legs, and quack! quack!" natr
rally came from the mouth OF tn
biped. Walk, walk, will you?" sal
Pat. Indade, thin, you'll not, fc
IN carry yes"
Miss Jenikins: thought Mrs. Gil
lily flower was o widow" Miss jackson
30 she is" Miss Jenkins: VIII
does she dress 80 gay, then? Where ar
her weeds?" Miss jackson; "Oh, sh
amt none Of your weed widows; she
only . grass widow"
Duration OF the Honeymoon "A sen
timental bride put the following ques
tion to her mother on the eve OF he
Wedding How long does the 30
Icailed honeymoon last?' Till you as
your husband for money"
How things do grow this weather?
Isays tho deacon to Brother mos. Eye
lthey do" replied the brother. La,
might heard you say you caught fort
6sh, and this morning heard yon tel
Mrs. Smith il WAS hundred and fifty.
| Why" said lover to his mistress
|" are you like that hinge" Can
Ieven guess " Because you al
something TO q door" { adore). She Gu
his AGO ualntance itn med lately, which
We surmise, considerably unhinRe
him.
A question for puzzle solvers: 81
Altglnx with a young lady not owe
seventeen years, pretty, and one OF th
never get dizzy sort. does the youn
man 20 around tho lady. or does th
lady 70 around the young mah?"
q" How in the world die they come I
name you Susanna" asked Mrs. Rlach
" Really,I don't know how, precisely,
lreplied the young lady, very demurely
"but l suspect it was because happen
led to be girl"
| An Irishman wrote thus to his VIII
Iof a sick brother "If jamie ism
dead yet, remoind him of the twent
lshillinps he owes me on the pigs If b
lis, tell him not to give himself any cor
!, surrun about II.
lis anybody waiting on you ?
Iaoia a 1oIito no iasmap m a vOunR lad