The Penn's Grove record., 1885-11-07

out a gentleman IN a restaurant.
"What is it, sir2n
"Here is a dead fly in my SOUP"
$50 / see. 1t seems to be quite
dead.n
ssWell, by thunder, I want you to I'M
derstand that / consider this an out
rage"
81 am sorry, sir, but If you are OPP
posed to eating dead animals, you
should patronize M Of the vegetarian
restaurants"
THE SCHEDULES NEARLY PLAYED.
Fiske ito Hobbs, who has entered for a
full course at the musical conserva-
tory); Well Hobbs how do you get
along inTeT studies, and what is
your time taken up with now?
HOBBS: l am progressing favoraoly
thank you, have just taken up through
bass.
BERTHE fup in b~ase.balll: Pretty
late in the season, isn't itp
Elbow old are you, sonnyP'
"Twelve years old, sir"
"You are very small for your age.
What is your name?n
"Johnny Smith. My father is a ba-
ker on the avenue"
$50 your father Is a baker. might
have guessed it by your size. You re-
mind me of n of his loaves."
SHAKESPEARE was never more Wig
orously endorsed than he was by MI.
Leander Cross, of Ohio, who, in an eu-
ology upon General Grant, affirmed:
"Shakespeare says we shall never loon
upon his like again. and what Shake
speare says, l say" This double con-
irmation leaves no more to be desired.
MRS. ARLINGTON, of New York
81 am delighted to meet you here in
the mountains. / didn't like to go,
but fashion required it. Do tell me
what / must do here to be correct"
Mrs. Berkly, of Philadelphia-"Real-
ly I do not know exactly. One thing
l do know, however, that fashion does
not require you to battle here.
A MILITARY TRoUBLE.-Mrs. Ro-
que: What does Harry say about his
SCHOOL, Does the dear boy like the
military discipline?
Mrs. Pogue: Oh, dear. no; they put
him through all sorts of drills and man
euvres.
Mrs. Rogue: And how ishis healthr
Mrs. Pogue: Not very good, I'M
agine; he writes that he is troubled
with the right shoulder shift.
A MIsTAKE.-s'They left a letter
out of the name of this watch" saio
Huffcutt, as he began on the secono
hour of winding his new nickel-plateo
three-dollar stem-winder.
That's SOP"
"Fact. It's a stem-winder. The
manufacturer couldn't have INTENDED
that hand-labor should be employed OIL
a job like this"
"YEs, George, l will marry, but you
will have to eiope with me-"
"Why, Clarissa? Do your parents
object to megn
mo; they think you are just splen
did,"
Then why must We elope?"
"Why, George, don't you know thai
If | elope the papers will speak OF IN
as the beautiful daughter OF wealthy
parents2'
"MY DEAR,n said Mi. Porcine a.
the breakfast table one morning, -
have loved you ever since the hrst day
l saw you. My affection has been un
remitting.n
.Ishouid say SO, y replied Mrs. Porcln'
sharply: II never got a check from YOU
all the time l was East
And Mr.. Porcine left for his office
without kissing his wife.
THAT was a pretty deal, though, yo'
had down there. Let me see; he go
away with s21, 600. 900, wasn't itY"
mo, no. 1 know the man well
That story was a pure fabrication. |
was a shameful Ubiquitous outrage. IL
only got away with $4,000, 600 I'M
was every cent, / assure YOU"
IwEAR a melton brown, whensve
I'm in town; in a MASKING smile M
painted lips I pucker. To the giriie
I'm meier rude. though they say I'm
dude; | rear a pretty, pieeted tgn
s~eersucker.
If a cough disturbs your isleep, tax
: Piso's Cure for Consumption . rest wei