Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-07-21
BRIGHT BITS.

"GRANDPA, dear, we have come to wish you
many happy returns OF YOUR birthday: and
mamma says II you VIII give Us each dollar
we are not to lose it on our way home
ZONE spirituelle girl. says a seaside land
lord will eat up waste and muss over more
food than any two men who sit at my tables.
Id rather board bear '-Detroit Fee Press.
SOBER PASSENGER angrilyJ-"Look where
you step, man"
Tpsy passenger ,apologeticalyl -"Y yes
DO; the trouble is to-hlc-step where look
-Erchange.
"WOMAE's RIGHTS - exclaimed a Philadel-
phia man, when the subject was broached
what more rights do they want? My wife
Is eternally bossing me, our daughters boss us
both, and the servant girl bosses the whole
family. It's time the men were allowed some
rights
LITTLE ELvIRA went to visit at her grand
mothers. The country was revelation 10
the child. Among other things that excited
her wonder and interest was a lamb that
came bleatlng TO the door the evening of her
arrival. 80. Aunt Hatty." she cried. run
ming in doors, there's live sheep here that
can talk as plain rs anything. Do so out and
hear 1t say Ma"
SCHOOL BOARD VISITOR. while examining
"A scholar: Where is the North Poe?'
II don't know, sir
Don't you? Are YOU not ashamed that you
don't know where the North Pole is:"
Why, sir, if Sir John Franklin. and DR..
find 1t, how should know where II is?'
THE village minister was away on his sum-
mer vacation, and the editor of the local
paper. beng a literary man and. like all ed
itors. deeply religious, was conducting the
Sunday services during his absence. Every
thing went well until, in expOundlng the
scriptures one morning, the editor said: ~ es
my brethren, even the hairs of our head are
all numbered" And then everybody SMILED,
for il sounded So much like the editorial
',we,"l aud the editor was bsldb aSojner0jUe
v"9f'TEqh', spuIiff ih ,s,..
THE beautiful Mrs Smith :. At an,evening
party Dumley was introduced to a young
LADY, and after remark about the weather
he said gallantly: "And have | really tho
pleasure Of meeting the beautiful Miss Smith,
whose praises are being sounded by every
body" "Oh. no, Mr.. Dumley," the lady re-
piled, "the beautiful Miss Smith to whom you
refer is a cousin OF mine" ooh, that's it?
Well. / thought there must be a mistake
somewhere" said the gallant Dumley.-Nelo
York SIN.
COMPLETE GIvE-AwAY.-Mrs. PetcrbY
was making a neighbOFly call on Mrs. Sim
son. While they we're chatting together little
Mamie SimsOn was seen cOmifg toward the
house with package in her hand. mamie
is such a smart child: she is too smart for her
age. I often send her to the grocery on the
corner with a 20-dOllar bill. and she always
brings back the right change" Enter Mamie,
who runs to her mother and says: Il got the
coffee from the grocery, but the clerk says if
you u0u I pay last uOUJn's blils you can get
anything more on credit. "-Ten1s Sift5ngs.
"Do you ever consult the market reports,
Mrs. Stcakpounder?' Smith asked, address
ing the boarding miasus."
NO, sir; do not"
Il thought So"
For what reesOn2"
"Well, you see, il you consulted the market
reports You would purchase your supplies
when the market was most favorable, and l
see that you DON'T"
GLOW DO you know that don't?"
Il will tell you. Butter is sometimes quoted
weak; you do not buy 1t them
II don'tI"
mo. You always buy butter when 1t is
strong. '-BOstoR Courier.
/ A GENTLEMAN met a boy and asked him
/ what o'clock II was. Being told it was just
/ y. he expressed some surprise, and said he
| thought IL was more. Its never any more
/ in these parts sir, said the boy simply. lit
| begins again AT l." In order TO explain in a
/ clear and simple manner the necessity of
/ regulating our conduct by some dXed stand %
| ard, a sch0olmaster asked pupil what he
| ought TO do with his watch If il went some
| times too fast and sometimes too slow. "Sell
/ it," was the Immediate response. child
| who had just mastered her catechism con
/ fessed herself disappointed. because, she said.
! Though | obey the Gfth commandment and
/ honor my papa and mamma. yet my days are
/ not bit longer in the land. because ! am still
I put to bed at o'clock. - Times or IRGi0.