Morning journal and courier., 1885-09-04
REVISED.

Revised proverb: A cold in the head is worth two in the lungs.-Lowell Citizen. European politics are in 8 terrible state and the country is throbbing with excite ment. The Empress of Austria is about to have 8 tooth pulled.-Fau River Herald. A man bought a new patent stove and tried it in the sitting room. s'The man who said that where there was so. much smoke there was sure to be some fire is liar," he remarked that eyening.-Pittsburg Chroni- cle-Telegraph.
 "Can't you give us some war reminis- cences?" asked citizen of an old fellow in 8 party of ex-soldiers telling stories. "No, believe not" he answered promptly. "you see I've only been married six months. ''- Merchant Traveller.
 Young man: "Yes, I'm going to be mar ried. What do you think of the idea any ways" Man of experience: s'Wal, it's a cur'- ous question, but there's one thing sartin-ei you don't git married you'll be sorry, an e1 you do you'll be durned sorry. ."-Rambler. Prospective bridegroom Go prospective bride) 'tWould it be possible, do you think dear, to postpone our wedding until Monday am in receipt of dispatch calling me to Buffalo on important business" P. bride ''I'm afraid not, George, dear. The wed ding presents, you know, are only rented until Saturday."
 Scene, Litchfeld county; time, August, | 1SS5-A boy from Hartford was on a visit with his mother. The boy, who is very fond of milk, was taken out to the pasture and witnessed the milking of the Baptist parsons COW. On coming into the house he was asked if he would take a drink of milk. He replied that he did not want any that came from that place, but would take some out of the can.
 Bostwick and family, attracted by the ad- Mo tnac no pIQri etc., etc., have left the seashore and taken quarters in farmhouse in the hill country. After a hideous night they appear next morning with visible marks of conflict. Be- fore B. can enter protest, the patron puts in, q was jes' sayin' to my wife lot of mus keeters has follered them folks from the coast; next thing they Il be a-blamin' uv'em on us.'-Harper's Bazaar. Foreman--We printed this cut yesterday
 as a murderer, and to-day it's wife beater. Editor-Both bad men-let it go in.
 ssBut it's a portrait of Chris. Maguire, the
 we'll known politician"
 ooh, the public don't know the differ
 ence."
 But Chris will"
 "Well, if he kicks, run the cut in next week for An Eminent Divine. .'"-Philadei- phia Call.
 Featherly is something of 8 musician, and was attending an evening party given in
 honor of the eldest daughter of the family. ssI would be glad if you would sing some thing, MT. Featherly," said the hostess. 'sCertalnly, my dear madame. Will you suggest song?'' 'sOh, anything that is ap- propriate to the occasion. will leave the selection with you" So Featherly, with that rare tact and discrimination for which he is so justly popular sat down at the piano and sang, Backward, turn backward, oh time, in thy flight New York Sun. There's banging of pianos And the lofty pitched sopranos Once more awake the echoes with their screeches What awful din they're making! 'Tis sign there's no mistaking That the darlings are returning from the beaches Boston Courier