davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Teaching tho Walter.

lAmDaSSAuOfS Oh SoulmbFCc.l
The Saracen's Head hotel, Lincoln, was
noted for three things--a very gruf lani-
lord, q very cheeky waiter, and 1856" The
latter term was a synonym for the very be,t
rice pudding or any one else ever tasted,
and as it was produced every day In the
year, VIC christened IL "365." ! can vouch
for it being on the table twice month TOR
twenty-five years, and always good alike
I may add that II half dozen we're required
they were always Forthcoming. But 10 In OF
Arthur the waiter would speak. II was
often suspected that this swallow-tailed,
modest-looking garcon was guilty Of rsmov-
ing the decanters, and especially the small
black bottles Of crusty, 1beS's-wingy" old
port before they were empty; this was
especially noticed by Mr. Thompson, a
sharp witted Commercial" who on the day
in question hineed the fact TO the presi.
dent
It was rather large dinner party, and
Arthur wa, In unusually good form. A
mint Of old port was ordered and smptied:
the bottle was partly refllled with salt,
pepper. cayenne, mustard, Worcester sauce,
Chilli vinegar, anchovy, etc. Bring In the
bill. Arthur" said the president 1Yes.
sir.S and as usual Arthur hIrriedly took OH
the black bottle. The company waited
some tins, but no Arthur and no bill ap.
pearsl. Whereupon the 3vics' was asked
to ring the bell Ip came sbuttons" "Eell
Arthur to bring in the dinner bill at enoe,"
said the president please. SIR, no can't,
he's nearly dead. he's choked.V The geatle.
men at the table became alarmed, and hur-
ried out Of the room to lind poor Arthur In
Q mot painful position. He was BLACK IN
tha face, AMI surroundoi by his fellow-serv-
aats. On hi, recovery he solemnly promise
never again TO test the quality Of leavings
In tho black bottle.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Fighting n Sea- Elephant.

Up round Behring's straits the natives
live mostly on whales blubber. Up there
they hunt the walrus for his ivory and oil
and also for his hide, which they make into
boats I've seen sometimes as many as so
OF those animals on a cake Of ice, all below
ing like thunder, 50 that you could hear
them for miles
Then there's the sea-elephaut, and they
are tough fellows, too. It's easy enough
killing 'em, but when they are dying they
49, .r r---.s----- rus.h .hair littla short
teeth i've seen em bite of piece OF rock
as big as a spittooa and throw it at a man
with fearful force found one on reef one
day, AMI as we needed some more Oil Or
dered the boat-steerer 10 make for the gully
way in the rocks where he was we came
right up 10 him. put an iron into him, ana
hauled him after us out into the clear
water Then got in the bow right under
his nose, when he grabbed the bow OF the
boat in his teeth and tore away streaS
fore and aft. He bit off the ends OF three
lances and another he snapped out OF my
hands and tried TO throw 1t at us.
Once be made a snap at me with his mead
tbro wing me right into the boat on my
back. picked upa hatchet and with my
two hands buried it In his head up to th'
handle. 1t killed him outright He wa!
twenty i've feet long, and gave two dozsr
barrels of oil. We made blankst-sheet' o
bis blubb,r, cutting it into pieces three Zee
square. Then piercing hole in the cente
of each block, and running through spur
roma. wa made raft of them and towet
il 10 the ship. The ,ud way to kill sea
elephant used to be to run right up to him
hit him unde the jaw with an oar, whicl
would make him raise up his head, when W
would fire right up through his mouth int
tha brain
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
No Caste In y Barber Shop.

t"Uncle Bilfs" New YORK be.eer'I
Thsrs is no place like barbsr SHOP to
obli.arate clste. William II. Vanderbilt Is
usually shaved In his own house by man
who comes every morning to do 1t, and up
a. Saratoga his face Is daily cleaned In his
own room. but the other day, in passing
through this city, no went into shop across
the street from the Grand Central depot.
aThere was three customers ahead OF him"
said the Loss barber, in telling me OF the in-
cident aanl two of 'em was railroader.
Tbey krow'd the old gentleman on SIGHT,
and they give up their turns quick enough.
He said; Thank YOU but just as II IL
wasn't any more'n he expscted OF them.
The third man was hack driver. and he
rot onto vino Vanderbilt was, too, but he
didn,t have no notion Of losing time.
sTYou're next, Mr.. Vanderbilt" said the
barber that had his chair empty first Bog
pardon.' said the hackman. but oileve I'm
next to set there Vanderbilt didn't say
anything, but he was surprised, Ike NIT
with club, and we could all see that he
was watching the man without knowing
lust what to think Of him all the time be
wa, waiting. And tn, hackman ssemei to
enioy his place SO well that he demanded
close shave, with bay rum on. and his mus.
tache oiled-just to prolong the delight-ani
lefore vacating the chair, after Vanderol'
had come alongside to get into II, he took
car.le - look at himself In the glass, brushed
=. M Of lint leisurely of his coat, and got on
lba siie that made the millionaire move ou
of the way TO let him pass. Well. bet h'
rot a bigger Is cent, worth than no eve
will again in his lie"
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
A Lang Word.
ATLANTA constitutional


In reply to n question coneernins the al
legged longe,t word In the Eng lish language,
he New York Journal OF Co mmerce says.
at 4 not In either Webster or worcester,
bnt NAV be found In the fourth edition OF
Bailey's dictionary, and in the work OF e
Coles, published in l7oL Bl ount at an
earlier date CESS gives both an Engi,sn ana
i Latin form, as follows: 4Honorincablli-
tudinity (honorifcabilitudinatas) honorable
neS." c
Marston refers to IL in @The Dutch Conr-
teyanp fi6oA where be affirms that ahis
s.-.a,~s. a. like the word observation-disclosures
initatibus, a great deal OF sound AMI nc
s.nsn~ But this Il a libel ON the word,
which is used in many ancient voiumss,
With the meaning ascribed to 1t in the above
aasnition. knife-grinder has IL painted
N III machine TO announce bis trade. ~
inc asked what 1t meant he answered tina.
he ala not know. but IL was the iongess
word he could pick out In the dictionary,
hsying twenty-five letters. and be haf
iookei the boz through to find It
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
WHAT BOTHERED THE ENGINEERS.
Courtesy of the Goddess Of Liberty on the
Dome of the Capitol.

Courtesy of the Goddess OF Liberty on the
Dome OF the Capitol.
Washington Cor Boston Budgetl
heard the other day some curious facts
about the dome Of the capitol II l. said
that there was statue in ancient Egypt
called Memnon, which whispered sweet
words OF melody TO the sun as he appeared
above tho horizon, and sang him To sleep
every night with weird lula Dies. The grand,
naughty Goddess OF Liberty on top OF the
dome has heart Of bronze, but good
heart for all that and one filed with
true old Virginia courtesy. She has not
yet picked up enoug courage to
attempt TO do the prima donna act, but
every morning the good dame ceur'
tesies to the sun, and when he sinks In the
west she again courtesies, but without turn
ing around. Some time since Architect
Clark Suspended u plummet line from the
interior OF the dome, and 1t was found by
actual measurement that the lead swung
over space OF ~ inches, making total
dip out of the perpendicular OF 81 inches.
This is caused by the alternate contraction
and expansion Of the iron
A ludicrous mistake which occurred last
year may be mentioned in this connection
The coast survey had in charge the survey
ing OF the river front preparatory to locat.
ing the line for the reclamation OF the Po-
tomac flats. The top Of the dome was
taken as one point Of the surveyors tri-
angle in estimating certain distancea The
calculations thus arrived at were found to
sadly differ almost every day, and much
swearing and perpexed thinking upon the
part OF the brilliant engineers were in
dulged in before the dipping OF the dome
was brought to mind. After that the top
Of the Washington monument did unceas-
ing duty as a mathemat guiding star.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
ALESSoN IN SPANISH
A Str. ,tSer fr Ma the Eszt Gets Caught On
the Pronunciation.


Albuquerque IN. NJ Democrat
A fes days since stranger from the un-
conversoi wilds of tho east. where mug
wunpery was born and senderfeet attain
their highest state Of sensitivenes', cam
out to Albuquerque to visit friend. WINE
walking along Railroad avenue he said 70
his friend:
@There goes a MN met up at La Junta,"
giving the J its natural pronunciation
you mean La Hunta," the friend replied.
THAT l. a Spanish name. AMI in that lam
guage takes the sound OF b."
as that sol Well, must try to catch on TO
that"
After strolling along q short distance
further he kei:
Where are tkese Jemes snrings, of which
Isse so much In the paper r
You shoull say daymess springs; they
are over here in tie mountains about sixty
miles" .H
aDlrn the Ian ;uaga--it lreaks mo all up.
That's a pretty nics house over there-that
Armijo Louse, i.a't itl' and again be gave
the its proper pronunciation.
@You mean the ArmihD house; yes, it's
good one, too"
aDamischa way Of abusing the English
alphabst / reckon. then, that must be the
Haffa Brothers' store down the atrest thereP
aNo. that is not a Spanish nams. think
It is French. However, IL Is pronounced as
spelled" .. r-.
TO tell what's Spanish and what isn't Why
couldn't they build their language accordin
to the original plansF
aOh. you'll soon catch on You will lind
it safest to give the Spanish pronunciation
IN raariv everv thing beran
An hour later they sat down at ths table
of the San Felipe hotel, and, after scanning
the bill Of fare, the stranger said To sne
waiter:
aYou may bring mo nice, huicy piece OF
roast beef, some pigs howl with eaper
sauce. some fricaseed hack-rabbit some
pork with apple belly. some boiled patatoes
| with the hackets on-unskun. you known
some tart, with currant jail mean currant
ham. and, ah, some"
At this point the walter swooned and tn<
pucs.s In the room let out o roar OF laugnte.
that gave the chandeliers the chiiis ano
fever. This made the stranger mad, and ~
leaped to his feet like crazy man. took on
his coat and threw it down on the floor and
stamped on 1t and howledi
you fellows are tryin' to play me for I
sucker. but by the eternal, you've struck the
wrong snaQi Whoopesi land he jumped NJ
and slapped his fstsl I'm adestroyin, cycion'
from nlinoy, an ] kin lick the hull crowd
Spanishl kin sling more Spanish In hoi,
minute than Montexama could In q year
Kin II Well should shaculats that KIN
Let some idiot pull OF his hackee an
hump onto me, an the first time l hit N
he'll think he has the him m-hamsi spanish
Oh. I guess noti My Names Jeremir-
mean Jeremiah Homes, from Hacksonv vnis
lllinoy, an when my dandsr,s up I'm
ravin' hysnat You played me Tor sucKe'
but you musn't nudge man oy nus scok,
come ont and face me- Let some Him Gro
raioot coma to the front and criticiss m
Spanish hargonr
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
HOW KEROSENE IS DISTILLED.
The Usual Process - n-e-A
Crude Ill Ol-''Educts."

The Usual proccss 80 ss-o--A
Crude Illuminating on-"Educts."
Boston Budget Notes and Queres."l
Petroleum consists Of great many differ
ent fluids, which range In volatility from
the boiling point Of ether to nearly rec
heat. Such being the case, as soon as th'
oil is heated at all, the most volatile pre-
ducts begin to come over, at first coiorlesi
as water, but very gradually assuming
yellow tinge until the most dense dstllation
coming over at the last Is quite dark brown
in color, SO that IL ali the dstillats were al
lowed to run into q tank together, it wonld
not look very differently from the original
petroleum.
In the ordinary process OF refining pc
troleum the distillats Is divilei into thres
portions: The first is the ightest, colorless
portion, nearly as volatile a ether, and Is
called crude naphsha, or "bsnzine." Like tho
cru ie petroleum, this crude naphtha may be
distilled and divided into ga olene, A, ami
C naphtha, which are used in gas machines,
for mixing paints aud other similar pur-
poses. sometimes also for burning In lamps
an stoves The middle portion OF the dit
tillate, which Is neither very light nor very
heavy, and. having but little color, Is the
crude illuminating oil, or kerosene. As IL
runs from the still it has a very offensive
portions OF the petroleum at the hi3h TOM
peraturs r,achsl in ths still.
To remove the offensive compounds ths
oil Is first agitatsd with about per cent.
of strong oil Of vitriol. This combae' with
the offensive oils, forming black, tarry
residue that falls to the )tt ,m OF the tank
Ms soon rs the oil Il brought to rest rns
mixture of acid an oil Is called "sludgs," and
isu el in large quantitiei In the manufacture
of commercial fertilizers. After the acid
Is drawn of and the oil washed with water,
it is again WASHED with strong solution OF
caustc soda, which removes the excess OF
sulpauric acid. AMI also some peculiar acid
compounds that exist in the oil
Toe oil, after another washing with water,
Is nearly coloress, with the peculiar bal
samc odor of kerosene, and possesses the
slight opalescsnoe peculiar to these oils. As
usually prepared, they belong to the class
known as @high. test" kerosenes, and consist
almost entirely of oils that exist In the
petr troleum already formed, being merely
separated from the largest and heaviest por-
tions. Such oils as are called tho educt' OF
the petroleum. The heaviest portions OF the
distillate contain paraffine, AMI are caliei
paraffipe oils. They also ara mainly educts
of the original oil; they, however, contain
much larger proportion than the kerosene
OF the products OF the oil A tarry residue
remain, In the still, ca.lsi .resid uum-"
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
VOL. II, NO. 1S.
kALANoS. TO ALEXANDER.
IA. Wernerl
My life is lived. What elssf Why shoul

IA. Werner.l
My life Is lived. What elsss Why should
stay,
burden unto oil my friends and thee.
l. L.n2nishing 81 Nv in helple pain awayi
Why not return INTO the outer sea
The quiet that en- circles thee ani mes
Lifs-what IL lifsi I've thought upon it
long;
I've found the beSt of life mot to be.
Gail in the honey: di cord in the song;
And tbs red roses fade upon the tree;
No Joy Of life that last,; thus much
know We.
And most to those who rightly strive TO
live
l. life a pain to those athirSt to know
or truth. and do it The gols no answer
give;
Knowledge is vain; man blind and weak;
and 70
Thinkest thou not 'tis better that goi
'Tis we'll that have looked upon thy face,
o Beautiful, and beard thy voice and
know
The glory OF mans spirit and the grace.
Nay. no FAREWELL Ere many week be
flown
We two shall meet and greet in Babylon.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Not . Fair Count

sTwo hundred an forty bones In the ou-
man body.s /, the way IL reads In the books
but : short quaintance with boardins'
hon . marrs win make almost any man
~ snare Luili bet hts lat coaiar-ousson
thers la II been . fair count
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30

For the opening season . dancs tsacns1
-. a.-i.e 4 what be calls the eervish IL
a,nsists Of a few slow. measured; stately
0..o,,,tion In ordinary waits tims, foliowei
Nv dossn rapid waltz ones done . SUI
denly that the couple look Ike rila as. =.
visnes 81 t,e de ert, who ought to now a.
,paIl as whirl.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
The Grand Old Trees.


Mr.. Utta s. Thets was wandering through
q wood the other day. He stopped before Q
fine cluster of huge trees, and, striking
sentimental attitude, thus soliloquizsd:
aHow soothingly SOULFUL how sablimely
utter!"
Suddenly Mrs shilliuga Pound, q butch
crss wife, whom be had not observed stand.
ing near, replied:
sAye, what grand butchers blocks they'd
maker
Utta s. Thets stood long enough to utterly
utter one soulful throatful scream OF horror,
and then vanished
The American Rage for Relics
fExchange.l
Referring 10 the rage among Americans
for the collection Of relics . London paper
sarcasticaliy says; sit ID the American
who chip, off bits Of the Parthenon, who
enyrossss the lynx eyes OF the Swiss guards
At the Vatican, who usei TO make Temple
Bar even more hidsous than It was, ami
vbo bark. every British tree to which any
historical oh tractor has been suspended.
American. sup,dy q steady market Tor
locks Of hair AMI old boots, and they were
the chief bidder. for the clippings OF
ThorwaiI ems bsarI, which were soli In
Copenhagen.
Tnree mill "a pupil now attend the free
schools In tho southern states, and over $iD.-
oOO, 800 y annually rai.ei to support them
Irish C-,asub,a Indians are coming Into
Wasnlng gtsa territ .ry by tho hun lr>ds for
The annual hop picking.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
The Young Idea.

Merchant Tray sler: Little boy, bewareI
The good, kind La ly who gives you ginger
bread to-day, when you come over to play
with her little boys a I'd girls, may bs your
mother-in-law soms day in the rosy future.
Boston Traveller: A new scholar at
8 Juth Boston school eoIll not t,l what was
her mid lie name and was tod to AK ner
parents. The answcr shc brought back next
moruing was, ssFather Us hs cannot re-
member and mother does not tiink lever
had any
Chicago News: '-Tomm5 is your sister
Clarin1a inf'
"Mebsy she is AMI mebby she amt.
What's your nanee
"Why do you askF
: .swaal, We ses, s,e sa q IL Mr.. Tomp'sins
called she be In, but il OIL Cruikshank came
she'd be out. Whch b. fouf
Mr.. Cruikshans dera-sci.
Foreign Eschonge: On aftTnoJn. while
q tight-rote walker W.: .oiIg through ms
performance, q boz aIcu5 II ys1rs old
turned to Al eccua.n an:, OF the aIns are
AMI remarksi L Tom. ioi't yea wish you
could do thatf' .Yes, do, sadly replied
Tom, .sbut my folk ias :, I1e 20 20 school
anl are dctermilsl tn ] s.iIs nsyer oa
any bodyr ea II ad
Il l. said IL EnglA0i thai asr three Proad-
s~t rsign. wcre w3msn's--E EliSAostn' queen
~ns' sel si s ga
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
TERMS. INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.

Ont Year. ....................s.s..... ..'sEa
SIX months. 70
Thee Months.... 90
Dollars per year.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30

snov hanks fully TOO foet high, that have
laiu there Too many year, ars W
A. the high Serras
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Over TOO Kinds Of Baskets.

How many kinds Of baskets do you think
there ara on the fist Of q wholesale dealer,
Mr.. aginativei Well, now that you
have boxed little Johnny's ears for scream
ing, aFive hundredr and have hidden him
not to exagyerate, listen to the answer.
aPrecissly 762" What have You TO say
nowl Each trade and profession has has.
hats peculiar to 1t and many sises OF tnas
basket. and the aggregate number seems
almost fabulous, like the myriad sorts OF
brushes but you can fni all those basketa
under one roof IL ytp win 60 TO the right
place.
Saratoga Is TO have an ice palace and
s,vsral toboxgan slidss ami win be opened
q . wintsr resort
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Converts Kspt in Isnoranes.

The di c,vsry has been ma ie that Mormon
missionaris. 4, no. let their foreign con.
verts know If the polygam ,us doctrine o
the Latter Day Siints untii arrivaifn utas.
A fuil set OF Mormon books ami tracts, ussd
, i'm Ear;ani by preacher. contained no
mention ot plurality OF wives, AMI mar
rla-s serves in one p1oltcatlon incu1ed
7 ths familiar pr,vso 0. ons wife to ons haS
bard.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30

Il 1. a fact taat Edwin Forrest was once
= rider and acrobat In circus.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
Onions for Eight Hundred
New York letter.

The man who went into a Union square
cheap restaurant, sat down at table with
no cloth TO it. and ordered beefsteak with
onions was eHtirsly commonplace. His
clothes wers neither brand new nor thread
bare, his linen was medium as to freshness,
and his beard showed about days growth.
His voice, in saying aPienty Of onions and
the streak rare,n was neither imperious. as
though coming from q man accustomed to
command, nor pleading, as OF ons asking .
favor. He leaned back in his chair listlessly
while waiting for the meal, and when It was
served he ate with good appetite
VINO was he. / do not know. Then, why
lescrib, himl Because his steak and onions
were parraksn Of by 800 persons. The
kitchen In which they wsrs cooksi adjotnei
the cellar Of ths Union Square theatsr, and
every smell made by the process permeated
the auditorium above, going into the nostrils
Of a large au iience First, the odor OF fry
ing beef min ,lsd with the emotions snssn-
derei by a melodrama Next, the stencil oil
thu sizz ing onions sickenei the assemblage
Tais struck ms ass greater discomfort OF
many for the fee linz OF one individual thar
I had avar guoyn OF. 4H- -ssE #EasraH $500
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
A Monument Of Living Stone.


II it be the intention of the New York
committee to accomplish somsthing worthy,
unique and La ting. let them abandon
thoughts of mortar. stone, and bronze
and consider that they have quite
within reach an unparalleled opportunity
of taking advantage Of the handiwork OF
natur..a .alr-a.. .a.5
Hswn out Of the living rock on the face OF
the palisades unique and creditable mon
ument could be created, whether, after the
manner Of the rock temples Of India, Q
structure Of architectural lines and forms,
or like the lion Of Lucsrne. q sculptor's crs-
alton only, or work where sculptor and
architect combine their skill in fashioning
q colossal sculptured friezs, perhaps 500 or
1000 feet long. just below the crest OF tho
cliff, with architectural terminals and sup
porters. One million dollars could accom-
plish more here than at any other spot to
(. which materials must be transported and
when there hoi tad into place, thus con-
suming no inconsiderate portion OF the
fund in ineffective freight charges and
waRel "" @ #
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30

A kiss was L.is means o. taking tns
ir~adei sulail-p X int, Boston
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30

Er...sh G ,.a,ub,a Indians are coming Into
wasulngtp tpa territ ~ by tho hun lr,ds for
tho annual hop picking.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-10-30
The American Rage for Relies.
tExchange.l

Three miiIi ~ pupil' now attend the free
schools la the southern states, and over $io.-