Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-05
WIT AND HUMCR.


Mr.. Moody's intention. as reported,
found Plumbers Christian Association
in Chicago. indicates that much success
has turned the evangelist's head
Ba.talo Cypress.
At Sunday-school in Syracuse a
teacher asked new scholar, a little
girl, what her name was. She replied:
Helen French" An urchin in an adj
Joining seat sang out: '.What is it in
English?''
Not long ago q Western paper had
an account of wedding in one column
and of a divorce in the next column
The heading of the first column was
The Tie That Binds and of the
second. The Yoke That Calls"
Say, Sam. did you see de man about
dat house?" 20, yes. seed him. and
he glib me de refusal OBJ de house"
How long did he glib you de refusal of
hit?" ''Foreber. He refused to hab
anything to do wild me, n-Teras Sft-
i3ags.
might | ask who lives here?" asked
q polite gentleman OF a stranger he met
IN front Of handsome mansion. Ger
tainly, sir, as politely replied the
other. "Who is it, sir?'' '.Darned if
know" replied the stranger. Pits
6esrg Chro'ajcIe.
CLARA, that young man winked at
you" remarked a young lady to a
friend in the ferry-house Indeed! |
didn't notice it. ! cot so used to it
when L tended a soda fountain that
don't take any notice of winks now"
replied Clara Brooklyn Times.
Il don't understand how the rail
roads can afford to reduce the fare to
cent mile. :" ''Oh, it's very simple. -
They have to make up the loss in
some way" They do" .'How?"
''Make the sleeping-car porter divide
with the company. "-Rochester Post
Express.
you may talk as much as YOU
please, remarked the irascible man,
''but let me tell you that [ consider
your arguments as well as yourself,
beneath my notice. | don't give you
SO much as a thought ''Ihope not, -"
was the response; II wouldn't have YOU
bankrupt yourself on my account.
There is charming absence of cir
cumlocution about the following YER
diet recently rendered by an Arkansas
coroner's jury over the remains of
well-known drunkard: 1.-The Teller come
ter his death by switchin' off from one
kind of whisky ter another. The moral
O. this hear verdick is, don't switch.
Lieutenant: There is nothing like
presence of mind. One day in battle a
soldier near me had four of his teeth
knocked in by rifle ball which would
have surely passed through his spinal
column and killed him had he not.
with rare presence of mind quickly
swallowed the ball.-FHegende Blat-
ter
Reciprocity. Landlord-''H Have you
any family?" Intending lodger-''No."
L.-'.That's right, for [ don't let my
rooms to dodgers with families"
|. L.-''Have you a family?" l.
Yes; four children" l. L.-''Solry
to hear it, for / never take apartments
with landlords who have families. -
st. Petersburg Zejta1ng.
Papa" said little Ethel few days
ago, Il have seen picture that / want
to give mamma, and | want you to buy
it for me when you go down town.
But how am to know it?' asked her
father. "O,you'Il know it, said Ethel
Just ask Mr.. Kent to
show you a picture Of two little child
rem with d0a0es round their heads"
do you know, Fwed, what day of
the month it is to-day?" drawIed out
one dude to another in the New York
Union Club. Il have no ideaw, Chaw-
les. - We'll, perhaps you know what
day OF the month yethterday wasp
Il cawnt remember, Fwed; but last
was on the 25th of Deem
Der. "-IeGaS SJttpgs.
my diagnosis of your case shows
me, sir, -" said a young physician, ''that
your constitution has become enfeebled
through overwork. You need rest,
absolute rest, to bring back your wasted
energies to normal and healthy condi-
ton. What business are you IMP"
MY wife keeps millinery establish
ment," replied the patient feebly.-
Ne20 York Sun.
The gifted rabbit: 4 smart rabbit, |
who Was greatly annoyed by Flea, |
sought to get rid of his tormentor by |
his whole body in bucket |
of tar. The Flea was effectually sup
pressed, but the rabbit looked so much |
like ward hummer for six months |
that no one would laugh at |
his jokes. Moral-Don't try to stop a |
gimlet hole with gate post.
stIVhero did Won Uet this French
Bible?" asked Smith, taking up book |
from Blacks table. Black French |
Bible! haven't got any French Bible. |
The only Bible have is the one you |
have in your hand, Had it ever since
| was married" Smith (holding up |
the book What do you call that but |
French?" Black-''By gracious! so it |
is. Funny never found that out be-
forei'
A Concord schcoI-of-philosophy sort |
of fellow advises: when you read |
a book, crush the words as you would !