Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1885-02-26


Halls Hair Renewer furnishes the nutri
tive principle by which the hair is nOurish
ed and supported.
As they passed gentleman whose op-
ties were terribly on the bias, little Dot
murmured Ma, he's got one eye that
don't go"
thought you told ne you didn't use to-
bacco?7 - don't" But you are putting
cigar now" "Yes, but that's only a three
center No tobacco in it."
When you reach the B. & 0. depot You
may depend upon it your Inauguration tick
ct will be good for any train. On some 9th.
er roads to Washington this may not be the
case.
An English soldier being asked if be met
with much hospitality while he was in Ire
land replied that ne did; he was in the hos
pita' nearly all the time be was there
The pootest woman in Boston" said
Micky Muldoon on his return from the Hub
to his home in Kensington, lives in Phil.
adelphia"
With its own depot in Washington. and
different tracks to receive its western and Its
eastern business upon, the B. x o. patrons
will be able TO get into the city by rail, and
not have to walk in from the suburbs.
Some one says: No thoroughly occupied
man wa, ever miserable" We don't know
about that A flea up the trousers leg can
keep a man very busy and very miserable.
One provincial singer to another: My
daughter has inherited my voice" "Oh," "
said the other, with the most innocent air,
that is the explanation, then | have al
ways wondered where it was"
Mistress-Jane read in the newspapers
that very much Of the candy now made is
decidedly bad for the health. You must be
very careful that dear little Fido does not
get aay OF the children's candy.
Mamma dining utl-Itisn't polite Bob
by, to smack your lips when eating. You
never do that at home.
Bobby-'Causa we never have anything
worth smacling over.
so YOU are married at last Charlie |
hear THAI your wife is very energetic wo-
man and keeps things stirred up. Ofcourse
you married her for love?' No." said
the husband, braciug up, Il married her 20
cure my Dyspepsia
The b. & o. is the only direct route from
the West TO Washington, and only line run
ung limited trains without extras, and upon
which the Inauguration tickets at the great
ly reduced rates, are good for passage.
Girls, when you marry, be sure to wed a
big strong healthy man. While in nine
case, out of ten he won't bring up the coal
he'll come in handy in the fall to set on a
Bible Gllcd with autumn leaves to press
them.
4 little boy asked his father what an en-
ploymont agency is, to which the father re-
plied-"W Why, my son, an empIoyment-a-
gent Is man WHO is very anxious to get
work for others to do. He himself nevd
want. any"
It has been remarked that there was one
thing about Baron Munchausen that should
be set down to his credit, although nobody
credits anything he says, and that is thai
the baron neyerhcld himselfout as aweaih.
er prophet.
Yes" said an enthusiastic Western adj
mirer Of Mr. Robert Iugersoll, he spoke
once in this town and al the conclusion O
his lecture thirteen guns were fred" j.
it possible" was the surprised response
and not one Of 'em brought him down p
FIFTY dollars bid, gentleman, cried tho
auctioncer at an art sale; only fifty dollar
for this fine landscape, with It's flowers, trees
water, atmosphere .--and such an atmos
phere, Why the atmosphere alone is wortl
the money"
A Brooklyn young man is quito gone
ON Hamlet Reading it to the girl OF hi
heart last week he came to the passage: "O
if thou wilt marry, marry fool" " Is tha
a proposal. dear" she asked. q" Yes, dar
linz" be replied. And they settled it ther'
and then.
How viii my love come back 70 me"
asks poete.s. Well, It's a mighty hare
question to answer in these trying times o
Presidential campaign. lie may CONF
back all right, and then again he may not
You stand a good chance TO win either va
you bc-
Stopping moment 10 consider what mu,
be the inevitable result in depot- where wil
be ma-sed the arrivals from several roads
how strong must be the argument in iavo
OF the 3. V o., which has d. own exclusive
depot 10 Washington and go train but %
own coming ID aud going out
Ata party q few evenings ago, when th
ladies and gentlemen were telling what the,
would like best, one young lady rcmarke'
that She would prefer being an opportunity
She was asked Why?" by many, aud sh
naively replied, 'BecAuse the young mei
are 50 fond Of embracing 40 opportunity.
Tie sped and the long runs uade bg 90
limited trains on the y. & o. is the So
cretof tae unparalleled time they accom-
pli-h. There i~no terrific speed made O
any reck.c-- running Whatever attempted
70 the contrary, Che average rate per hou
is not so remarkably fast, but the train
dnn.t -l.n liz llt. On mnr. milo 40 Gil