Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-03-16

You will soon find that you are better
off.
A Canadian railroad employs a regular
surgeon the year round. They don't ad-
vertise the fact as one of their attractions,
however.
''No. indeed!" exclaimed Mrs. Pop
snap, energetically, don't believe in the
extension of woman's suffrage at all. She
suffers enough now."
"Don't be afraid!" said snob to a
German laborer ''Sit down and make
Yourself my equal II would haff to
blow my brains out" was the reply of the
Teuton.
When clergyman remarked that there
would be a nave in the new church the
society was building, an old lady whis-
pered that she ''knew the party to whom
he referred"
A man took a seat in a BARRIERS chair,
and asked the barber if it was the same
razor he had two days before. Being as
SuIcu Ill UiC IuC pallCHb man
said, ''Then give me chloroform."
The man who can thoroughly enjoy
himself at a fashionable reception after
discovering that the bow of his white tie
is under his left ear. is superior to the
pomps and vanities Of this wicked world.
At school, the master asked class
of boys the meaning of the word ''appe-
tite," and, after a brief pause, one little
fellow said, II know sir. When I'm eat
in, I'm appy; and when I'm done, I'm
tight"
''Papa," said a little boy, looking up
from his Sunday school lesson, "are all
| our deeds in this world recorded?"-"No OF
always" replied the old man. 81 lost a
thousand dollars once by failing to re-
cord deed"
'FWho is that man applauding so yocif-
erously near the front?" asked friend of
theatrical manager, on the first produc-
tion of play in an uptown theatre.
''That long haired man with a llght-color-
ed coat?" eyes" "He-he's the author
of the play"
Eudora-How well you are looking,
dear. Minerva-Yes; l exercise daily
with the Beacon street Jamesunpleasant
class, you know Eudora-Jamesun-
pleasant class What in the world is that?
Minerva-Wen, vulgar people call it u
gymnastic class.
''Why, pa said little Tooser to Senior
Alley, the other day, ''here comes Mr..
Jones into the house, and it has only just
begun to sprinkle. Isn't it funny?" Why
SOP" asked Mr.. Jones, who had overheard.
'Why," said Tooser, looking up with
rapt countenance, ''papa said yesterday
that you didn't know enough to come in
when it rained -
A gentleman who was going to take his
| family to see dramatic performance the
other night was surprised to see his wife
packing large trunk and filling two large
baskets with eatables just before starting.
"What are you doing that for?" asked
the husband. "Why, returned the wife,
sit says on the bill that six weeks elapse
between the first and second acts
A man in a train was heard to groan so
frightfully that the passengers took pity
| on him, and one of them gave him drink
out of whiskey flask
"Do you feel better?" asked the driver
81 do" said he.
''What allied you?"
called me!''
"Yes; what made you groan SOP"
"Groan. Great land of freedom, | was
singing!"
so, dear! 1 feel so mortified" "Why,
what is the matter now?" ssyou know
Mrs. Dashaway, don't you?" eyes y
"And always considered her respectable,
did you not?" Certainly" "Well, you
may not believe it, but she has written
me letter which went through the pub
lie mails, was handed into my door by a
regular mail-carrier, who knows every
BODY In our set, and on the envelope,
right in plain sight, was one of those hor-
rld green three-cent stamps that were
out OF style almost a month ago"