The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-18
BURDETTE ON RAILROADS.

| wish to suggest reform to the mighty
railway corporations which rule this land
with a rail of iron, and have of recent
years, become coldly reserved and Jelly ex-
elusive on the vital question of free passes.
Not long since, when the bloom was on
the golden rod and September notes were
beginning to fall due, | touneyed toward
the land of the south. and the Prince like
wise was with me. Now the days of the
years of the Princes pilgrimage are few
and jolly, and have not yet attained unto
the days of the years of his fathers pill
grimage, but they will if he lives and
keeps on growing He was born few
months longer than seven years age, which
was such a famous year for colts. But his
complexion was fair and his stature lin
tied and his figure slight, insomuch that
he appeareth to be Of five years or under
Now when | got me upon the train |
bought no half ticket.
As we journeyed to the south land the
conductor approached woman sitting in
front of me. She had two little girls in
front of her. Their ages were apparently
s and 10. The younger was reading a
book They We're large girls. Not tall
for their ages, but pretty massive for free
ride age. 1t was evident that they were
balffare candidates on fair count. In
answer to the conductors question, the
mother presenting her own ticket, said
that her girls were each under six years
young. The man with the punch said they
were very large for their age, and the woman
said that the size had nothing to do with
it; if they were as tall as giants and under
six years they We're entitled to ride free
own children. And the peculiar red
signal emphasis She put on her double
hops made the conductor shiver. He
waved his punch with an apologize
gesture and to his great pleasure, seeking
some relief from his embarrassment, he
saw me. All. now he could quarrel with
a man. lie could fire me off if ! refused
to pay half fare for my boy.
How old is that child p lie demanded
in pay-or-walk accent
Dear me. | said. what question to
ask father How old is your Youngest
child -
| knew he couldn't tell without think
ing it over for five minutes, and so gained
time He had the look of an old married
man nth big family, so when | saw his
face begin TO clear up, and he was coming
at me again, fired at him with;
''How many children have you?''
That threw him once more, and | saw
him furtively count up to seven on his
fingers, but was a little slow getting into
the battery for the next shot. ard before |
could ask him their names he charged right
into my line.
Never mind about my children, he
said Il want to know how old that boy
is.
| said, Conductor, sit down. | can not
tell you. and you know why. If tell yon
he is only there will be dreadful lie on my
conscience, and won't get my hair shirt
off for week If 1 tell You the truth and
say that he is = that woman with the two
big fve-year-old daughters will consider it
a direct insult. You have accepted her
statement; now you couldn't have the
broad and massive brow to charge my boy
half fare, though swore he was 40. One
liar on a train is enough. Do not press
your question and get me into trouble. |
must either scar my conscience with false
statement, or get into row with the
mamma of yonder is years of girls. He
saw the embarrassing position into which
he was enforcing both of us, and with gen
tlemanly consideration left me.
Now, you see the trouble is all here. In
adopting a rule for dead-head and half-fare
children the railroad companies have acted
foolishly and adopted most absurd stand
ard-that of age What does a young I'M
married conductor know about the ages of
children9 What has age to do with it,
anyhow ? What conductor old or Young
can dispute the statement ola mother? Is
that STANFORD adopted with any class of
passengers save human beings9 Does it
cost any more to transport ten-year-old
horse than a -year-old colt?
The standard should be either size or
weight: then the conductors task would
be an easy one Make the rule that all
children over three feet in height or weigh
ing more than forty pounds should pay
half-fare In every car, Fairbanks scale
in every punch a tape measure. "How
tall is Your little girl, madam - Just
two feet and eleven and three-quarter
inches stand up, little dear" Ont
comes the tape measure. and little dear,
STOPPING as her mother bids her in vigor-
Gus matronly -pantomimc, stands up four
feet four inches of tape line .'What does
the little boy weigh ?" Thirty nine pounds
ten and fiye-eights ounces Hop on the
scales, my son. All, that's just it; seventy
three pounds nine ounces Seven dollars
and half. madam =
trust the railroads can see the wisdom
Of this suggestion. | don't suppose | will
save a cent by it, In fact, can dodge The
half-fare more easily under the present
absurd rule. which is really nothing but a
premium offered on lying. The man who
tells the truth is compelled by the company
., a. g.. Ne al,il.lra.,