News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-03-12

Lookln' for you II
"Wot's he want?"
"He's got somethin' nice fur vel"
"Wot Is itP"
Dunno Looks like somethin' tc
ride on. Kind O. long and slim an6
slick-like, like as eff he'd peeled the bark
off'n It,"
Jimmie dives into the creek with his
clothes on and strikes out for yonde,
point accoutered as he was. He was
playing "hookey," and he chad rode
on one of them things before. 1t would
be raw and gusty day when Jimmie
got left.-BURDETrE.
A HANDY HUSBAND.
Scene in the boudoir of Hartford
belle:
Thoughtful Mamma - "Well, dear,
which gentleman have you selected for
your husband ?"
Dutiiul Daughter-"Oh, I think I'll
take Mr.. Fatboy."
''But, dear, Mr.. Littleman is very
rich, while your choice is very poor"
eyes, my choice is very poor, it is
true; but he Is 30 big and stout he will
be just splendid to sit on the Bible and
press winter leaves"
"Oh, see. You. viii not be, j-sal-
enced by a monetary 6hs iefetio salSse.sv
"No; marry for love alone. 81 Hart !.
ford Sunday Journal.
| FELT BORED WITH IT.
A lady was singing at a concert, and
her voice was, to say the least, very thin
in places.
"Ah, said her husband, who after the
manner of husbands who have musical
wives, thought her vocal powers were
great, "what fine voice she has p
Every fine," replied strange man at
his side.
"What tinabre :" continued the hus-
band.
considerable timber" responded the
stranger again, "but too many cracks in
it for Notwithstanding, and not quite
enough for paling fence"
The husband remained silent during
the concluding portions of the entertain
ment.-C Cincinnati Merchant Traveller.
SOME NEGLECTED WORK.
"You don't cook like Sary Ann used
to, Matilda" he said in tones of gentle
exasperating reproof; "no it seems to
me you can't cook like Sary Ann used
to-" On another occasion it was
"You're not as smart in gettin' round
as Sary Ann was, Matilda. You don't
seem to catch on where she left off"
About this time heavy rolling pin came
in contact with his head.
"What do you mean by that, yon
vixen ?" he exclaimed in agony.
'I'm doing some of the work Sary Ann
neglected" she replied, and there was
much peace in the family thereafter.
BRINGING MATTERS TO CRISIS.
A rich young man was courting
poor young girl, but he was slow in
bringing matters to crisis.
So one day she complained of the
bardships of being poor.
"Poor p he exclaimed gallantly. ga
young lady with your wealth of mind
and grace of person poor Why, such
charms as you possess are worth a mint
of money"
"Well, wish I had the mint and
somebody else had the charms" she
said. and the crisis came.
THE EXPRESSAGE.
ST would be obliged to you," said a
closefsted old fellow to a country editor,
'if you will express my thanks, through
your excellent paper, to the many
citizens whose timely aid last night saved
my house from being destroyed by fire. T"
Certainly. replied the editor, 81 will
express your thanks, but it will be neces-
sary for you to advance about dollar
and half to prepay the expressage."
TINE TO GET AWAY.
:.'Hello, back from New Orleans so
quick ?"
yes"
Couldn't you find any quarters
there?"
"No; and the quarters took with me
went so fast that 1 wouldn't have had
one left to pay the Pullman porter if
habit left when I did. "-ArkdnSdl0
Traveller.
MIsCoUNT.
''Mamma," cries little Edith, 'dive
me anudder date, p'ease."
"Well," says mamma, "you go and
ask Bridget for one-only one, remem-
ber-and you may get two for Mamie"
IAN older sister,.
Presently Edith comes back.
Mamma" she says, "I think Bridget
made mistake and dave me two dates
for myself and oily one for Mamie. -
Boston Transcript.
IN HASTE.
"Does your mother ever speak of me,
larling ?" sob, yes, every morning."
1'm so glad" "She says she hopes
we'll be married very soon." "That's
pleasant. If she likes me so much, we'll
be very happy, won't we?" "Oh, ma
thinks we ought to get married at once. :"
"She is anxious to have me for a son-in-
law, isn't she?" "No, it isn't that; but
she says your back hair has ruined every
tidy in the parlor. San Francisco
Post.
CIRCUMsTANTIAL EVIDENCE.
"Charley has an awful long arm, " said
Bertha, in musing mood at the break
fast table. "How do you know p asked
her father, in man like simplicity.
''Why," replied Bertha, 'my waist belt
is a" And then she caught glimpse
of her mammals Mortified face glaring
over the coffee urn, and she thought she
would die. sure enough, But she didn't.