The Arkansaw traveler. (Little Rock, Ark.) 1882-1???, 1885-03-14
New York Hotels,
n Texas Sininps.l


spent a whole week in q 6rst-class
New York hotel, and yet am not proud,
The hotel was grand. stupendous beyond
all description. A frst-class New York
hotel is more like a regal palace, a
dream from the Arabian Nights, than q
mere hash house. | was awed by its
magnihcence, even before the bill was
presented, then | was parals zed. The
hotel is full OF marble pillars, historical
reminiscen es, stained glass windows,
elegant statuary, priceless oil paintings,
and other gems of art, while the iurni-
ture is much too good for king, but |
do think that the proprietor should not
compel the guests to furnish their own
camphor and insect powder. II you
should ever be so fortunate as to at
tempt to sleep night at FIRST class
New York hotel, be sure and have bot
tie of camphor handy, as it is the only
thing that will take the sting out of the
bites. 1.-THE guests were all as hungry
as these regular insect boarders, the
sheriff would be running the institution
in very short time.
am very much afraid that made an
unfavorable impression on the hotel clerk
by requesting him to lend me lemon
squee ger with which to wreak private
vengeance on my tormentors.
But everything else in the hotel was so
grand as TO rivet the eye permanently In
its socket. Being accustomed to the
simplicity Of Texas hotels my life in the
New York palatial hos,elrie was very
much like the realization of the dream
not of the Bohemian, precisely, but Of
the Bohemian Girl in the opera. She
dreamt that she dwelt in marble halls,
with serfs and vassals at her call. We
did not dwell in the hall, which was of
marble however, but in a room near the
hall. which smelled abominably OF escap-
ing gas, or rather, OF gas which was try
ing to escape, but which, somehow or
other, always tailed.
We had vassals and serfs at our call,
but nobody ever calls them. They could
not hear if they were called ever so loud
When you want a vassal in a New York
hotel, you push button on the wall,
just the same as you do in Texas, and
the vassal comes. He comes slowly and
reluctantly, however, unless he is tam
pered with. Half dollar is the usual
thing to tamper with. II seems to me
that the menials Of the north must all be
ex-members of some legislature. They
expect to be paid extra for everything
they do. Wonder If they can play poker1
The dining-room Of New York hotel
is so large that you feel as II you were
camping out on prairie. This illusion
is dispelled, however, by the walters who
stand around with their arms folded like
so many Napoleons al St. Helena. 1t is
only at distance that they look like
Napoleons. At close range they remind
one of clergymen. They wear black
clothes and white chokers, and there is a
solemnity about the expression of their
faces that is suggestive Of death and i'm
mortality. Their habit of continually
passing the plate strengthens the impress
sion that you have got into an Ecumen-
ical couHcil. You hesitate to tell an
archbishop to fetch on some more buck
wheat cakes, or second cup of coffee. l
can't er " my food when there is doc
tor of Divinity looking at me so intently
that imagine he is thinking up bis next
sermon on the sinfulness of gluttony.
To sum up the case there Is any amount
of grandeur, style, and dignity IN FIRST
class hotel, but very little solid comfort.
I'd rather " camp Out" any time.