The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-12-04
CIDER.

AL pll 4dIllict NOM " ag Ddlh Spuiihft
who was brought before the court for break
ing the peace in a prohibition county, told
the following pathetic story:
'FYou see, ledge, the whole trouble come
of my drinkin' some of thar new-fangled
temperance cider that I amt used to, and
which don't believe I'd ever get used 10
afore the horn toots for the general jedg-
ment.
81 war born and bred ON IA farm, ledge.
an I've knowed apple Juice sence ! war
knee high TOT grasshopper. I've tempered
with cider when it war sweet, an I've
tempered with it when it war hard: I've
drunk it Jest from the press, an I've drunk
it when it carried a good, stiff bead; I've
laid across a barrel under the ~wagon-shcd
and sucked it through a rye straw from the
bunghole when it war jest gilt-edged, an
I've swigged it when it war es hard es an
iron wedge an SOU 'nough to make a man
cross-eyed fur life: but, Jedge, upon my
sacred word, ] never had no cider to TN
nerve me like that they sell in this here
town. Jedge. it can't be the cider of long
ago: IT can't be the cider of my boyhood's
happy days.
you see. Jedge, / druy inter town with
a load of sweet pertaters, an after I'd sold
out / jest thought. es they don't sell any
thing stronger'n cider in this here temp
rance town I'd try little of the good old
drink of my youth. An. Jedge, I tried
it.
There war a crowd of old friends about
the tavern an | asked 'em upto the apple
Juice. an then somebody sed: Fill 'en up
at my EXPENSE an still another sed:
Have one with me afore you go;' an that's
jest the way it happened.
"Somehow, Jedge, it didn't taste like
the cider | war brought up on. but the
bottle had cider printed onto it in gold
letters, an they sed it wer cider, an es long
es the flavor of it was agreeable / war'n't
cur Gus about it. Ionly took five drinks,
Jedge. only five common tumbIers full, an
then ! began to feel sort of queer, ledge.
II never had no cider TO make M feel
that way afore. Twas furst weak as a
newborn calf. an then ] war es strong es
an old Samson afore his head war shaved.
I thought / could lift the tavern, IN !
think / tried to. My minds not clear,
Jedge, but they say | made a sort of hub
bub. They say I throwed a man over the
bar an broke a big looking-giass with
him, an scattered the whole congregation.
an went howlin' down the main street
askin' fur a man of my strength, an at
last walked plumb through a show-winder
that they sed cost $50. Then ! war
taken away TO the prison cell. disre-
member all the little particulars, ledge,
but | suspect that all they say about me is
true. ! think l wal drunk, Jedge-I am
almost certain sure l war drunk, an the
new-fangled temperance cider they sell in
this here town is to blame fur it all.
Il kin drink almost anything with i'm
punerty, an a little sugar, ledge, an
stan up under il as straight as the steeple
of a meetin' house. I kin drink peach
brandy an apple jack, an plain, humble
old corn juice half a day, with the nsool
intermissions, an still be a peaceable, law
abidin' citizen, but this here temperance
cider is too much fur the old man. Make
it easy on me, fur I'm lone with temp'r-
ance drinks jest es long es | live, ledge"
And the Judge, who is very well ac-
quainted with the ways Of town cider in
Wayback county, made it very easy on the
old man-Detroit Free Press