The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-01-03
Paragraph Fiend.

With Pat, the making of $4,000 isa
mere song-N. y. NAL.
A mans boots may be awtully tight
while he Is perfectly sober -Chtc8go sun
A mans boots may be awfully wet when
he is perfectly dry.-Gorham Hountatneer
mans boots may be awfully holy when
he is awfully wicked.-Sarofog' Ea9t'
A mans boots may have large souls
while he has nome Fh'toh J0prH0l
A mans boots may be awfully polished
while he is ruiiian.
When couple are making love by
moonlight their feeling is one of in fine
night bliss.
Man is mans greatest study, and how
10 get ahead of him his most persistent.
Boston Globe
George Eliot did not seem to Lewes cast
BY emitting the wedding ceremony
siega Eagle.
Mrs. ingalls, says that woman is a silent
power in the land That will be news to
thousands of husbands.
A little child of seven or eight says that
when the Bible speaks of "children's chill,
dren" it must mean dolls
The French do not appear 10 be very
great adopts at smashing china They
should employ a few servant girls.
There is ring in those tones, shouted
the girl who had been listening to the
sweet whispers Of her lover
A gushing poetess in an exchange asks:
Why do the leaves fall slowly 10 the
ground ," Laws of gravity, dear, that's all
Boston Post.
Artificial dmples are Ill the rage in
Chicago" We had thought that natural
cheek was Chicago'S strong point-Rjoh
mond D,spatM.
A Boston clergyman recently delivered a
sermon on the subject why was Lazarus
beggar'" We suppose he didn't adyer
tSe
Mr. Blaine has eight gold headed canes
rs mementoes of his candidacy. The club
with which Burchard knocked him out IL
not included in the collection Omddo
Heroid
Should dealer in clocks and watches
sell on tick ,--Fhlton Jourhoi No trades
man could more consistently give time
Saratoga Eagfs.
A Western paper says OF the air, in its
relation to man at kisses and blesseS him
but will not obey HIM Dobbs says that
description suits his wife exactly,
How 10 make good COW she'd Pour
boiling water on her back aud il will make
IA good cow shed--her hair-after the most
rapid and complete fashion
Somebody wants to know why : s. Cox
doesn't finish the second volume of "Why
We Laugh" Mr. Cox probably thinks any
fool ought to know why We Laugh"
now - LOuisytNe COurier JoDrndi
The Widow Butler has at last been heard
from Her campaign treusseau ran her in
debt, and to raise little ready money she
has mortgaged in Washington her house
NOT the White house -- Phiyadtlpht0 C0H
young woman has been expelled from
church In New York for saying that her
pastor had kissed her four times when she
had only been kissed three times New
Workers can't stand wilful eXaggera'ion .--
Rs.
gentleman was complimentHg apretty |
young lady in the presence of his wife.
It's lucky didn't meet Miss Hopkins be
fore married you, my dear We'll, yes, !
it is extremely for her" was the dry re.
joinder
II held her tiny hand in mine, and clasp |
ed her fairy form, and told my tale Of ar
dent love, in language sweet and warm. !
And when paused for want of breath, she
raised her dimpled chin, and whispered |
low / don't catch on, please sing your
song agin
Who saysa woman cun'tCllmb: An old |
maid in Massachusetts saw dead field |
mouse by the roadside the other day, and
in less than forty seconds she was in the
topmost crotch of an apple tree tucking her
skirts in and peering around among the
branches for her speCtacles.
There are about rs many ways of pro
nounCing depot as there are eccentric ways
of pronounciug "crematory,' finance, " etc
As road out of the difficulty we give the
following suggestion
IL is but a stepOh
Down 10 the depoh
The way is quite steep-oh
That leads TO the deepo
| slipped on eoh
Just by the day poh.
In a store near the dee pot
bought this small tea pot.
Perhaps TO end the agitation,
We'd better henCeiOrth call il station
Lancaster E't0miHer.
A Brooklyn young man is quite gone"
on Hamlet" Reading it to the girl of his
heart last week, he came 70 the passage
Or II thou wilt needs marry, marry
fool" as that proposal, dear - she asked
Yes, darling" he replied And they set
tied il there aud then
NJ Rlaina asks that his friapI. u,viu a,