Smyrna times., 1885-10-14
Sam Jones.
BY F. W. HOUCHENs.

no relish for such dignilied bearing as
is found in the name Rev. Samuel P.
Jones. Indeed, dignity of any sort
seems distasteful to him. Dignity"
says he, "is the starch of the shrOud.
The more dignity a fellow has, the
nearer dead he is. l expect to be as
dignifed as any ofyou when l get into
my coffin"
Perhaps the chief charm of this won
derful man is the abundance of aphOr-
isms which crowd every sermon. All
newspaper notices Of him are accom-
panied by lists of his sayings"
He is in his thirty eighth year; and
his ministry of twelve years has been
confined to Georgia This native State),
Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, Tennes-
see, South Carolina, Kentucky, Mis-
souri,, and Brooklyn, N. Y. His assis-
tance is in demand all over the
South and much in the North. He
adopted the Law as q profession, and
failed of eminent success at it only
through his intemperate and dissolute
habits. At the age of twenty-five,
upon the death of his father, he aban-
dOned his profession and his bad habits
and entered the Church and the min
istry. His work has been directed
mainly against the popular vices Of the
day. He is unsparing in his denuncia-
tions. Here are some specimens of his
attitude toward public feeling:
"When l began preaching, l was
afraid l would hurt somebody's feel
ings. Now Pm afraid WON'T
"If anybody don't like what l say,
let him come to me, and I'll forgive
him"
"What business have you with your
feelings sticking out like pOrcupine
quills?"
Il have let my bucket down so deeT
that l have stirred up your mud but
it is ma bucket and yOUr mud"
He is a man of liberal education
wide reading, minute observation, anC
thorough knowledge of human nature
But he chooses the Negro style O
expression, for its oddity and effective
ness. He seems to have but one rule
of grammar and that is to break all th'
cOmmOnest rules of grammar. To hi
critics he says: d" 1 am trying to ge
my grammar and style down to a leve
with my audience" And again: Il
you will notice my style, you will learr
what l think of my hearers" AnC
again I" 1 wouldn't mind being swal
lowed by whale; but oh to be nib
bled to death by minnOws ~
His chief onslaught is against whis
key: =.
place but its place is in hell"
"These little politicians say that
won't do to bring the question of pro
hibitiOn into politics; it will hurt thei
party. Well, if your party has to rid
into power on whiskey barrel, i
ought to be hurt"
"Some fellows say: Don't mix pol
itics with religion When you hear
fellow talk that way, you may know
he hasn't any religion to mix"
"YOu can't reform a State with
swill-tub for Governor, and lot Of oil
mash-tubs sitting on a bench"
" An old skunk of a thing staggerin
around on both sides of the street {
once is beautiful Representative"
"LOok out for your drug-stores
q look out for your little curly-heade
doctors"
o "If fellow gets so low that nOthin
e but liquor will save him, am ready
preach his funeral and l have Il tel
that I'll make him hop on"
d, Amt you sorry for a woman VIII
has to put her tender arm into tn
handle of an old demijohn every tin
she goes to church ?"
1.-The liquor traffic ought to be mao
so OdiOus that nobody but an intern
4 l.,
an Internal fool will drink it,"
: "The Devil is going to slip up c
you with a drunken son-in-law, an
q I'll bet he will make you a prohibition
ist with a vengeance"
Talk about high license for whi
key I'd as soon have high license ft
smallpox"
Red liquor and christianity won
stay in the same hide"
|, "Id rather associate with a he
than with a man who drinks Whiske
= Just as morals are above manners, so
hog is a better associate than a draI
drinker"
God will put the barkeeper al
legislator in He'll tOgetherm ~
&" In town in Georgia a number
, girls married men to reform them, al
now the town is full of little whi
poor-will widows"
Occasionally he drives his thunde
/, bolts at the practice of dancing:
, "What is a ballroom? 1t is t
ante-roOm to a german. And what
a german? 1t is the ante-roOm to etc
nal disgrace"
y " wouldn't let my cook go to a g
man."
Dancing is hugging set to music
" No, sir; she can't go. Ihave sol
Y say so as to how my daughter is to
= hugged."
Il would put my children into t
~ coils of the worms of the Nile before
would put them in the hands of dan
ing master. / wouldn't wipe my fl
on the rotten rascal"
-, will never deliberately turn l
= children over to any man and pay h
to; by the month to train up my childI
soi for damnatiOn."
. Nor does profanity escape his wi
ering rebuke:
81 would rather associate with
dog than with a prOfane swearer.
never heard a dog swear-I meal
four-legged one."
~ "GOd pity the brute-the hun
lu' brute-that will swear before his chi
/ don't believe there is hog
DS regular old piney-woOds. razor-bi
: hOg-low enough to degrade the you
in such a despicable way as that"
Mr.. Jones goes through billial
s., cards, lying, eucher, hOrse-racing, {
the rest of the popular vices. after
same spicy manner.
oh But the hard-hearted, cruel,
VII honest disposition to grind the p
into the dust calls down his espe
or, wrath.
"Very few women have any con
ont ence when it comes to trade. J
lief Will hire a woman to cook for yOI
Jap four dollars month, and then b
for about how cheap you got her. J
IDS, will go to the store, and give
dollars a yard for a piece of GO
rt- and then you will go c
resn SsG to Sister Brown, poor, good wOr
and in your church, and give her ha
dollar for making it,"
&c. A leading business man in NJ
Vile said, the other day, that no
man should be paid over fifty cen
n day for her work. That man OIL
to be in He'll"
He disposes of the question of
I deity in a way rather more stril
than elegant.
II would rather have been bol
'pOssum than an iniidel."
" You don't believe in religion.
APP, you ever try it? No. Well, you