The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-07-02
THE MERRY SIDE! !!


Verify, it is easier for a camel to go through
the eye of a needle, than for a-fat man to play
marbles.
One drawback TO the development of hidden
wealth is that this is mighty bad year for
Coal OIL"
Gen. Grant has lived for months on extract
of beef. Many man has lived for years
tract of corn.
The expression ssI don't care !" is used oftener
as lie than any other expression, perhaps, in
the language
The patent-medicine qnacBs advertisine
''cures for the liquor habit" The best cure for
it is to quit drinking.
Will Robbins got drunk at South Charleston,
and sat down on rhe Railroad. He was sent into
eternity by Express.
Pittsburgh is going to natural gas alto
gether fuel. Columbus might do it during
the winter months.
The wheat in the fields looks good deal like
the crowd at a Democratic mass-meeting-sca
tering and unsteady.
The Democrats are doing better by Hoadly
this year than the did two years ago-they've
got an uglier picture of him.
All the Townships in Geauga County are Re-
publican but Wen bet the Democrats will
work harder for nominations in that County
than any other.
Strange. that Demo cratic papers affect to be-
! lieve that Foraker will get eight" vote
among the colored people.
We are glad to be able to state that Foraker
| i safe. country correspondent of one of our
exchanges opens mis- letter with: "Hurrah for
Foraker! Our Township will go for him! J"
Henry Miller, Cincinnati doggery-keeper
jumped from fou1th-story window and killed
himself. Hope this is only drop in advance
of great shower of the same kind.
|
An italian was arrested at Cleveland for at
tempting to swindle Life Insurance Company
A man who would attempt such thing ought
to be sent to an Asylum.
thieving boy at FindIay, Ohio, filled his
pockets with eggs. The grocer slapped him-on
the pockets, and tn boys grief could scarcely
find eggs preston.
A lecturer in urging monstrous proposition,
began
Il WI II assign nv reason
'tYeve already done it ~ said an old lady.
jeff Davis has been writing advice to boys
school in the South. JEFF. ought to have incor-
porated his advice TO the youngsters in two
words: "Die young!'
DIR. Byrpe, young physician of Frankfort,
Ky got drunk and stole a number of articles,
| including case of instruments, and they ar
| rio ad to
on he might have killed somebody.
1t is great setback, in this country where
we think we all statesmen, to have the
Austrian Government send word that if we
can't send better man than Kelley for Minis
ter, they don't want anybody, or words of like
| import.
An office-seeker has written to a Washington
paper denouncing the people who occupy the
Presidents time by friendly calls. The Presi-
dent belongs to the seekers, and what right has
| he to be with anybody else.
+x+
man over in Indiana was killed last week
| by being struck with a plow- handle while
plowing. Many boy will rejoice that the dan
ger of blowing has been fully demonstrated.
Now if somebody were to be killed by hoeing,
there would be still greater hope for the boy.
"Dey tell me TO vote agin Fore-aker!" unused
the old colored man. tbut de sting OBJ South'n
Dimecratic whips, an de stink oh he North n
Dimecratic rotton eggs, still Gums frum dat side
OBJ de political field!"
Rev. Fl. w. Thomas, of Chicago, Joins Beech
er in declaring The old Bible a fraud, and de-
manding reform. There are lots of us, in this
| world, who would feel more comfortable if the
old Book read a little differently.
At Bloomington, Indiana, the officers made a
general legal war on the doggery- keepers. The
latter cursed and threatened, and some of them
shut up their doors and quit. All that an Of
fcer needs in dealing with these devils is mere
nerve than stomach.
Some of our exchanges are worried lest there
might be clash between Allen o Myers and
w. B. Tomlinson. There won't be, friends.
There never was much trouble. Myers agreed
to everything Tomlinson said.
Those who claim that the Democracy are in
favor of reform, need oily to Re cited to the fact
that Allen Myers has been renominated for
the Legislature. Won't Tomlinson and Myers
make lively pair of colleagues?
a Democratic Government official in West
Virginia appointed Republican Deputy, and
the whole County turned out in an indignation
meeting. The Office pays one thousand dollars,
and there is something like an applicant for
each dollar.
The citizens of Alliance, Ohio, are opposed to
brass bands and tamboureens in the streets on
Sunday, and propose to shut down that portion
ofthe Salvation Armys works. What, think
you, would Heaven be like, with a constant
din of horns, cow-bells and tamboureens? Why,
| light professions there.
| -
A Pittsburgh Democrat wentto Washington
highly recommended for official position.
| Lamar appointed him, but when asked to sign
his name to certain papers, acknowledged that
he couldn't write. These Government officials
are getting too particular tor the interests of
Reform, as from the Democratic dung
hill.
The Gallipolis Bulletin last week announced
| a big baptising to come off, the parties being
converts of the great revival. What strange
| mingling of the goodand bad they must have
over there! 1t has been but a few days since a
Chinaman named All Tong was taken to Ath-
ems Asylum, Gallipolis hoodlums having be-
deviled him into insanity.
| Suppose one of "the down-troddeu and OPP
pressed of the old world" should enter the
| United States by way of the statue of Liberty
Enlighteuing The World" then go down South
and see a coored Republican attempt to vote.
Liberty had better turn her back to the sea, aud
hold her lamp over Mississippi for while.
#.+
There lives, within the corporation of Jack
son, man-now in poor health-who, when
in his prime vigor, stood six feet, seven
inches. Many years ago there was meeting
IN the neighborhood in which he lived, and as
there had been some trouble with persons an
noying the meeting, this gentleman was urged
to be present on a certain evening, as his pres
ence would have good effect upon the bullies
He at ended, but the Minister did not
know him. After the sermon, the congregation
arose to sing the closing hymn, when the Min
ister'S heart sank. There" said he to those
near the pulpit, 'there's going to be trouble
look at that big man over there, standing on 6
bench ~