Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-06-10
PEEASANTRTES.

pdUSnU IDSlu0S.-DOSCOH COURIER.
A POET propounds the conundrum,
What is warmer than a woman's
love?" Answer-A woman's temper
Burlington Free Press.
''WHAT is an epistle?" asked q Sun
day school teacher of her class "The
wife OF an apostle" replied the young
hopefuls. -Christian at Work.
"MRs. MACGNTY, wud yez lind me a
loan iv yer fathers false teeth fur the
ould CONAN? We are goin' to have
mate fur dinner this day. PUCK.
COMFY one man in one thousand can
whistle, says a writer. That IS very
comforting, but the chief trouble IS
that the other 900 think they cam
New York Graphic.
JACKSON CENTER" sang out the
brakeman on the New Castle train,
yesterday "Can you inform me
where Jackson sent her to ?" inquired
d commercial tourist.
THE difference between an article
that is overproduced and stain on
the crumbcloth is just this: One is a
drug in the market, and the other is a
mark in the drugget.-LOweH Courier.
A TIN cup containing a number of
old Spanish coins was recently dug up
by a farmer in Baldwin County, Ga.
This is the kind Of cup that cheers, )"
if it doesn't NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Herald.
CoUNTRYMAN (at box ice)-Gimme
two seats. Treasurer-Do you want
contiguous seats? Countryman-No,
sir. Pm on N.Y. weddin' tower an
,1,,+I,,,,t +ho host
orchestra chairs.-NeW York Times.
IN Michigan they assess a dog 81 for
being a dog In Tennessee they assess
a man so cents to become a doctor.
It costs a half dollar more to be a
dog in Michigan than doctor in Ten
nessee. Don't be dog.-Battle Creek
: (Mich.) Moon.
A LOWELL genius has invented a
trap with which he expects to catch
cholera germs, and thus put check
on the disease whenever it appears.
The trap will be baited with green APP
pies, tramps and a section of sewer
pipe.-The Judge.
A SUBTLE distinction.-"How are
you, Charlie Haven't seen you for an
age What are you doingnow?" ped
ding chestnuts." $50 you have quit
the minstrel profession, eh ?'' ooh no
[ am still the end man of the troupe"
-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
JUDGE Murphy, you are drunk
again. M.-Yesh, your ronor. J.
Didn't you solemnly promise me, when
I let you off last time, that you would
never get drunk again? M.-Yesh,
your ronor, but | wush drunk at the
time, your roner. l wushn't 'sponsi-
Die for what I shaid.-Life.
EYES," said Fogg, ~ like to deal
with Snipp; you can always depend
on what he says, you know. He told
me the last suit of clothes | bought of
him would wear like iron. And SO it
did. exactly like iron. 1t looked as
rusty as the old boy in less than three
months. "-Boston Transcript.
MAGISTRATE What has this man
done?" We'll, he didn't
do anything, but I was afraid hewould
make a disturbance, so / arrested
him" Magistrate-"You arrested him
on suspicionw Policeman-"Yes. He
had an ACCORDION under his coat"
Magistrate "Well, [ will fine him for
carrying concealed weapons. "-Phila
deIphia Call.
II CAN'T find my tooth brush any
where, said a Cottage Hill young lady,
looking all over the house for the
article. ''Tll len you mine" accom-
modatingly suggested the colored
kitchen giri. "0I6, no thanks! '' replied
the young lady turning away. "You
needn't hab no combustion about
takin' it, MISS persisted the girl, "for
I've used yours when | could't find
mine oil City Derrick.
A NUMBER of wicked little boys were
playing baseball in a vacant lot up
town last Sunday morning. '"This is
scandalous," remarked a gentleman
on his way to church. 81 wonder
there is no policeman about to stop
it" "He'll be here purity soon," said
a small boy; ''Im watching out for
him. watching out for him ?''
eyes; he's over at de beer saloon,
playin' seven-up wild de boss. New
York Sun.
BOB BURDETTE always wakes his
mustache before he begins to lecture.
The Morning Journal says che does
thih to enable his audience to see the
points, We thought perhaps it was
because he didn't want people to cal
out, "Down in front !"-Yonkers
Statesman. No, you are entirely mis-
taken Bob does it to enable him the
more readily to wax eloquent.-Bos-
ton Post. Nonsense. It is to aid him
to keep a stiff upper lip and to look
cereous when getting off funny joke.
Philadelphia Call.
A New YORK Sunday-school teacher
told her pupils that when they put
their pennies into the contributions
box she wanted each one to repeat a
Bible verse suitable for the occasion.
The first boy dropped in his cent, say
ing: THE Lord loveth cheerful
giver." The next boy dropped his
penny into the box, saying: "He that
giveth to the poor lendeth to the
Lord" The third and youngest boy
dropped in his penny, saying: ga
fool and his money are soon parted. y
FRANKLIN once attended a public
sitting of the French Academy. He