Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-12-09
NEWSPAPER WIT.

|
NO." wrote a Mills Seminary pupil,
| eve don't see man over here once a.
month, but there's a. French girl lust
come who has dear little mustache,
and we are training her to smoke
cigarettes and swear"
PAINTED on fence of a field near
Sparta, Sussex County, N. j., is the
following warning: "Any person
ketched on these grounds shootin'
with dogs and snares will be liable
two fine hisself in q skrape."
FEATHERLY-I understand you and
| Robinson had row last night ? Dunn
| ley-Yes. Featherly-And that he
made you take water. Dumley wal
iantly)-It's lie. No man living can
make me take water.-New York Sun.
A NEW guide-book mentions that
''the city proper is surrounded by the
suburbs" Guide-books occasionally
stumbles on agreat truth, but we must
insist on having the news broken gent
ly. A sudden shock like this may be
dangerous.
HE had applied for a situation as
an assistant in charge of cemetery
Have you had any experience?" was
asked him. Eyes, sir, was the prompt
reply; II used to work for man who
was buried in graveyard when he
died. "-LoweH Citizen.
A PoUGHKEEPsIE clergyman says
that his first marriage fee was barrel
of fall pippin apples. This man has
the consolation, in his Bereavement,
that he is not the first groom whose
fall was dated from tender of apples.
-Yonkers Statesman.
HWHY are two buttons put on the
/ back of a. mans coat?" asks writer
They are put on for the same reason
that about $50 Uttons are put on the
front of woman's dress-and of
course everybody knows why lady's
dress is thus garnished.-Norristown
Herald.
WHEN they have funeral in Lead
vile they end it with dance, and
when they have a dance they kill two
or three men, and of course the re-
mains demand funerals; so it's hard
to see why an undertaken shouldn't
prosper in Leadvllle. -ShOe and Leath-
er Reporter.
Mr.. IsAACsTEIN-My trent, I sells you
dot goat for seventeen tollar und a
ca-vorter, und l will never dake cent
less. Customer-What's the quarter
! for? Mr.. Isaacstein : Volts dat
ca-vorter for? Dots my profit on de
goat. You tink can subbort afamily
und give dot goods away ?-Exchange.
AN Eighth Street ieweler in Philadel-
phia announces by placard in his
window that heis selling ''antic" coins,
and Market Street dealer announces
that he will sell canaries which are
guaranteed to sing" while all the
year around there is an uptown sign
at a corner which proclaims to the
wayfarer that he is on ''21th Street."
HUsBAND-The census taker was in,
dear. He demanded the age of each
of the family, and I was obliged to
give him yours He said it was the
law. Wife (enraged) Law! What
do care for law? John Smith, did
you tell that man my age? Husband
| (hurriedly)-Yes,I told him you were
%. Wife (mollifedJ-Well suppose
the law has got to be respected.-T,he
Sun.
JUDGE - met a young friend who
was going to Jackson.-"What bust
ness will you embark IMP" asked the
Judge. "I have not decided as yet,
but I will try to make an honest liv-
ing at something" was the reply.
my young friend,'' spoke up the
Judge, ''you are going to the right
place to succeed, for there will be no
opposition in that line "-Vicksburg
Herald.
CARE you on any particular lay ?"
he asked of a stranger, while waiting
at the Union Depot in Buffalo. ooh,
yes," was the reply. Il thought SO,
from your looks. | work the three
card monte racket on greenhorns.
What do you DO ?" 81 work the de-
tective racket On three card monte
sharpsP' was the prompt response, as
the handouts were snapped on.-New
York Star.
''MY husband is so poetic" said one
lady to another in a Seventh Street
car the other day. "Have you ever
tried rubin his jints with hartshorn
liniment, NUM-" interrupted a beefy-
looking woman with a market basket
at her feet, who was sitting at her ell
bow and overheard the remark.
sThat'H straighten him out as quick
as anything / know OF, If he hain't got
it too bad."-- Washington Republic.
SENATOR MASON'S uUCle BOY accOm-
panied his father one day to barber
shop, where the senator had his boots
blacked by a colored man. The next
morning the senator heard this much
of a conversation being carried on II
the trundle-bed by the young man and
his little sister: can did you know
Eat niger mems had black breff?" 'No,
does 'em ?" asked the little girl. eyes;
I sawed it yesterday. A niger man
des blowed his breff on papa's boots
an made 'em all black. Chicago
News.
ITALIAN cas- she is spoke" "How
are you getting along with your Ital-
ian?" asked a Wall Street banker of
his book-keeper as they walked down
Broadway. "Oh, first rate" he re-
piled with enthusiasm; Il can speak
it quite huently now Just wait
moment and III show you" Then