News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-05-07
IN TIE pEApwoop COUNTRY.

IN THE DEADwooD COUNTRY.
Marriage in Arizona:
"Do you take this woman whose hand
you're a squeezin' to be your lawful
wife, in flush times an skimp?"
"I reckon that's about the size OF it,
. Squire"
"Do you take this man you've fined
fists with to be your pard through thick
nm thin?"
"Well, you're about right for once,
old man,"
''All right, then. Kiss in court, an /
reckon you're married about as tight as
the law kin j'ine you. Iguess four bits
II do. Bill, if don't have to kiss the
bride. If do, it's six bits extra. -
Chicago Ledger.
| JUST THE THING FOR BIN.
He was one of Austin's favorite art
amateurs, and was seeking point where
he could settle down to work and pruc-
tice. He struck the quiet little village
of Kyle, and said to farmer living in
the suburbs:
''Can you tell me sir, where can Sc
cure board in the village?'
"What's your business ?" asked the
farmer.
81 am an animal painter" replied the
artist.
''You don't say !" replied the farmer,
in a tone Of wonder and admiration;
"then, by gosls I'll board ye. and you
Y,oioE al Inraa hlanLg IN
match my other one." The artist is now
driving a mule team.-Teras Siftings.
THE WANING OF THE HONEYMOON.
Mrs. Cherry-"You see, my dear, I
am prompt about calling, L always
make it point to call on the bride early,
before the honeymoon is over, you
know"
Bride (wearily)--'T fear you are too
late"
Mrs. Cberry-"Too late Why, you
have hardly got settled in your new
home yet"
Bride-T know; but the honeymoon
is over.
Mrs. Cherry-"Over
1Cbs TIC OldlhCb Dl15 uhNG
begun to come in"
GREAT CONSIDERATION OF GROCER.
"Who was it that rang the bell,
Jane ?" asked the lady of the house.
"The grocer, num-"
"With bill, 1 presume.
"Yesum."
"You-told him to come next week ?"
"Yesum."
"What did he say2"
"He said, mum, he had been here a
dozen times already and he wouldn't
come again, and to tell you so"
Chow considerate. 1 didn't think it
of a groceryman. > Cincinnati TraUeler.
NOT THAT KIND OF TIRED.
'Mother, did you say can't go to the
rink to night ?"
Eyes, Mamie, did,"
"Why, mother p
because you have been there every
day three times for the past three days,
and SO much exertion will ruin your
constitution"
"Why, I'm not bit tired, mother"
swell, if you are not, come and help
ne wash these Dishes"
"Oh, pshaw I'm that kind of tired,
nut not the skating kind"
She helped wash the dishes all the
ame.-KenttIcky State Journal.
THE OLD FASHIONED WRITER'S CRANP.
First Bohemian-"What's the mat
ter Z? You look i'll +"
Second Bohemian-'1 am suffering
from writer's cramp."
"Indeed. But you seem to have the
use of your wrist, and L did not know
that you had much chance to be over
worked"
"Ah, it's not in my wrist and it's not
caused by overwork."
''Then where is it, and what is the
cause ?"
SIT is in my stomach, and it is caused
by vacuum. ."-PhiIaGeLphia CaA.
NEVER KNOWN TO CATCH ANYTHING.
care you going to send that man
down among those rotten tenements?"
asked visitor at the New York Police
Headquarters.
"Of course. Why not ?" asked the
officer in charge.
Because there is smallpox there"
"Oh, he won't catch it.
"Why, has he had it?"
"No; he's detective"
"Beg pardon, didn't know that"
ANOTHER SIGN OF SPRING.
Smith keeps a savage dog on his
premises, and near his kennel board is
with the warning in large let
ters, "Bewsre of the dog"
81 suppose" said Jones, pointing to
the warning, ''you have painted that
sign in large letters so that 'he who runs
may read"
"No," said Smith, 'but that he who
reads may run. Boston Courier.
a SEA VOYAGE.
'Is there a remedy for seasickness,
doctor ?"
"Not altogether, but it can be greatly
Do you want it for yourselfP"
Eyes; am a naval officer, and under
the new order of things l may have to