Mexico weekly ledger., 1885-05-14
The DlhlealtIes Of an Orator.

woman's wit. These fellows insist
that I must respond to the toast
Woman tomorrow night and I
must prepare few remarks. II We
both go at it, wen get up something
nice"
"What you want" argued Mrs.
Spoopendyke, entering into the spirit
Of the undertaking, and tapping her
teeth with her thimble,-sswhat you
want is woman in her various phases. !"
.'What I want is a speech" rotor
ted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ssThey have
not put me down for apanorama. I
want short address, full of good
points and pleasant things about the
ladies. Now. I shall begin, Fellow
citizens I"
But women amt fellow-citizens.
I should say
you'd say, fellow back hair, ;
that's what you'd say. TIM address
ing the people, and they're all men !;
don't you sect I've got to commence
somewhere, and then I go on. Now,
Fellow-citizens, regarding women,
our origin, our companions, our pos
terity, our mothers, our wives and
our daughters, what more can we
say than that they give us life, make
it happy, and soothe its declinei'
How's thats''
s1s that the same womans" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, bending over the
table. 1T don't strike me that she
would care to have it put in that
way. Why not say, 'Fellow-citizens,
| we are assem- -
sWhat's the matter with yous" de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke. "I've
got to open with a sentiment, and
you can't find anything more grace
full than that. Then I viii go on j:
She rises in the cradle, reaches her
meridian at the altar, and goes down
in flood of dew at the grave Can
you grasp thata"
/ 81 don't like that as well as the
other," demonstrated Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. ssYou make her a mother,
while she's baby, and as for. the
grave part, you don't stop to thinl
that she may be another meridian by
getting married again. I would say
something like this, 'Fellow-citizens
we are assem- -
sNo, T won't either. Who's goine
| to get married agains Can't you SCI
that I'm only carrying out the frs
idea of origin, companionship, ant
posteritya Rising in the cradl
means giving us birth. Now yo'
hold up. Suppose I say next: w
revere her as mother, adore her a
, wife, and-and-' say what do we d
for her as daughter9"
.tWell, you might say, We dres
+ her, and educate her, and keep Al
!, keep an eye on her, and-and-and
"Spank her! dod CAST it! Span
r her! Why don't you say spank hera
= howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''Can'
you think Of something poetical! Tv
!. got that we revere our mothers an
0 adore our wives, and 1 want some
o thing for the daughter. Can't 20
i originate something'"
i "We provide a home for he
g Wouldn't-a"
q eyes, of course!" raved NJ,
u Spookendyke. 'sThat's the idea
d That fixes it! All you want now
: two prolonged laughters,' four fco1
r tinued applauses,' one enthusiasm
e and "a voice to be an Grafton! .Fe
d low-citizens, we furnish her wit
poached eggs and beans! Fellow
II citizens, we revere her as mother, "
r adore her as wife, and as daughter
:, we change the sheets once weel
It Fellow-citizens, we pass her the gr
Ivy! Fellow-citizens!" yelled N
d Spoopendyke, gesticulating like
IS tall horse.chestnut tree" tfello,
citizens, if she wants her beef rar
,r we give it to her! Fellow citizen
y we give her all the dodgasted butt,
!? she can paste on her breadl' Is tn
y what you want me to says Expe
N TIM going to stand around and NAL
sr a measly ass of myself 'Fellow-c
5. izens, as wife we adore her! Fello,
W citizens, to help man get up
IS speech she's the dod-slamdest do
m key that ever raised a familyr wah-
as h-h," shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyi
le purple in the face, 'tgot any mo
suggestions! Know any more el
n quenee." And the worthy gent
man leaned back in his chair speee
less.
Couldn't you leave her out all
30 gethers" recommended Mrs. Spoo
k, endyke. "Can't you just revere b
81 as mother and adore her as wifea
as for the daughter, you might pass
over with saying, Fellow-citizel
en- we are assem- -
.sYes, or I can cut her throat
ed proclaimed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
l can take her to the pound! I c
salt her down for winter use! D
OF CAST the speechF' And Mr.. spot
iit endyke danced ON the fragments
his notes. aTo-morrow night