davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The CONVERSATIONALIST.

He Tells Funny Story of the Fellow
who Wrote-What's Its Name?
"You remember that fellow who
wrote-what's its name? You know
he made some money on one of the
Western railroads; forgot what they
call it,"
"Well, what of it?''
"Why, not long ago he was in
what's that town in Wisconsin? You
know"
don't mind the name of the town,
what did he do?''
s.What the deuce is the name of that
town? A big policeman came from
there. You know him. Well, this
(Which fellow?'
81 can't think of his name. It's a
good Joke. and 1 nearly died when
heard it. He'd come up from that big
plantation in Louisiana, kept by-by-
who's that big banker in St. Louis?
The man who built line of steamboats,
from Keokuk to-to-Tll think of the
name in a minute-the town at the
mouth of-yon know that town in Ar
kansas. Anyway, he'd come up on the
that road that runs at the west bank
of the Mississippi from that place OPP
posite Cairo. Consolidated with the
Cairo & Fulton Road. What's the name
of that line?"
don't know. Never was in that
country. What did your man do that
was so funny?'
why, he'd come up from that plan
tation on this line to the town in Wis
consin. and struck for the hat-hotel
on the corner of Jefferson and that
other street Named after French
man. Strange l can't remember it. :"
..Never heard of it. Don't know
anything about it. Go on with your
story"
"Well, he got there, and perpetrated
the best pun you ever heard on the
Landlord name. The landlord got off
a pretty good thing on this mans
name, but l can't remember what it
was. Anyhow, this man asked the
landlord: why are you like an insur-
ance company'-he named the insur-
ance company. but I've forgotten what
it was-'Why are you like an insurance
company Give it up?"
Eyes, 1 give it up"
''Well, sir. the answer is the funniest
thing you ever heard. 1t broke me all
up when heard it. -
"Why, if 1 could remember the
name of the landlord, I'd know in a
moment. Who's that fellow that in
vented the--pshaw. that machine for
making-what'r they called? You
understand, something about STAIR
rods
Never heard of him.
''It's the same name except the last
syllable. Funny don't catch it.
sis that all of your story?'
"Why. yes. You see If could re-
member my mans name, and the in
surance company, and the landlords
name, I'd bust you right open with the
best thing you ever listened to-
A vast proportion of society is made
of vacuum in memory, and some of
the shining social lights of Brooklyn
will compare pleasantly in converse
tional ability with the genius here por-
trayed. -Brooklyn Eagle.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
A SUDDEN CHANGE,
The Turning Point in the Life of Admir-
Farragut.

The Turning Point in the Life of Admiral
Farragut.
When boy once learns that there is
nothing manly in initiating the vices of
men, he has made long stride in wis
dom. Moreover, he may count himself
among the fortunate, if he learns it so
early in life that the pursuit of foolish
and wicked pleasures does not practical
ly injure his future career. Admiral
Farragut tells this story of his own boy
hood:
"When 1 was ten years DID," he
says, 81 was with my father on board
a man-of-war. / had some qualities
that, thought, made man of me. l
could swear like an old salt, could drink
as stiff a glass of grog as if | had
doubled Cape Horn and could smoke
like a locomotive. Twas great at cards,
and fond of gaming in every shape. At
the close OF dinner, one day, my father
turned everybody out of the cabin,
locked the door, and said to me:
David, what do you mean to beP
81 mean to follow the sea-.
Follow the sea! Yes, to be a poor,
miserable, drunken sailor before the
mast; be kicked and cuffed about the
world, and die in some fever hospital in
foreign land.
" NO, David; no boy ever trod the
quarterback with such principles as
YOU have, and such habits as you ex-
hibit. You'll have to change your
whole course of life if you ever become
man.
My father left me and went on deck.
was stunned by the rebuke, and over
whelmed with modification.
ga poor, miserable, drunken sailor
before the mast! Be kicked and cuffed
about the world, and die in some fever
hospital. That is to be my fate
thought /. IN change my life, and
change it at once. will never utter
another oath; will never drink anoth-
er drop of Intoxicating liquor; will
never gamble have kept these three
vows ever since. Shortly after / had
made them, became Christian. That
act was the turning-point in my des-
tiny YOUTHS Companion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
THE WICKED CITY.

Ventilation of Corrupt Practices in the Po-
lice Administration of Chcago-Prosti-
tuition of the Machinery of Justice to Per.
sonal Gain-More Developments to Fol-
low.
CHICAGO, ILL, September 23.-The
Daily Ne,os last evening contained two
column article under the heading: can
Appalling Ravelation-Rascally Practices
Systematically Perpetrated on the Fallen
Women of Chicago-Forced to Purchase
Immunity From Justices With the Wages
of Their SIM" The article goes on to
say that the recent London disclosures
of the Pail Mall Gazette find a horrible
counterpart, though on different
plan, in the treatment of dissolute
girls and women who fall into
and officers who infest the Desplaines
Street Police Station in Chicago; that
the agencies of the municipal govern
ment have become charged and filled
with rottenness and corruption, and that
the machinery created to administer
Justice and enforce the laws has became
the machinery of injustice and the pro-
tector and deliverer of criminals. The
article also contains q number of inter-
views with fallen women. They agree
in all material particulars that one John
du eA-pOllCS duu d
professional bail shark is the all-ruling
power at the Desplaines street station.
The statements of the women are to the
effect that when they were arrested Bren-
nan Immediately appeared on the scene
with book in hand He went around
from cell to cell taking names and asking
each one if she had any money. If the
unfortunate woman was the possessor of
81 or more she could secure Brennan's
services. He would then get her booked
or book her himself; make out bail
paper and let her out. In lieu of money,
articles of jewelry would be accepted.
Occasionally the bailiff would trust the
prisoner for the fine. The women, in
their statements, further declare that
they are subjected to arrest on an av-
erage of twice a week; that Brennan still
continues to exact from them the larger
part of the proceeds of their miserable
calling, the police holding the threat OF
the Bridewell over them to compel then
to pay them.
The Neaos says that this is the initiative
publication of a series of articles which
will appear, developing facts ascertained
by reporters specially charged with this
duty.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
PITH AND POINT.

4
The banjo is a good deal like the
cucumber. A good deal of human mis-
cry follows its picking. -Detroit Every
Saturday.
An exchange has the headline
''Where Does Lying Begin?' just
about where a woman passes her twen-
tieth birthday.-Bimghanton Republs-
can.
"A Pittsburgh lady cooked Lafay.
cites dinner when he visited America
in 1925. 1t will be remembered that
the Marquis never returned. Courier
Journal.
Speak of a mans marble brow, and
he will glow with conscious pride, but
allude to his wooden head and he's mad
in minute. Language is slippery
thing to fool with much.-M. !. Isade-
pendent.
"A man said to his aged mother,
speaking of his wife: Il do wish I could
keep Mary from exaggerating So"
'.Get her to talk about her age, re-
sponded the shrewd old lady.-Sam
Franciscan.
"A gentleman met boy and asked
him what o'clock it was. Being told it
was just twelve he expressed some sur
prise and said he thought it was more
"It's never more in these parts, sir,'
said the boy. simply; sit begins again
at one"
Mrs. Spook. when her pastor called
the other day. fastened to find a Bible
for him to read She could find only
few soiled leaves up in the garnet,
which she handed to the pastor. re-
marking: why, really. didn't know
we were so near out. ''-Bostoaa Post
Miss Laura Braden, Treasurer of
the Washington & Waynesburg Rail-
road. is said to be the only female rail
road officer in the country. 1t is
strange. too. since women handle more
trains than men and know how to
switch 'em off in great style.-M Y
Graphic.
Muscle is all we'll enough" said
the little man, ''but mind is every
thing Now, take it in fishing. L am
a small man, but do you remem Der
those enormous strings of trout that l
-" Yes, yes.'' said the big man;
81 remember those big strings of trout
you caught-in your mind. - Chicago
Herald.
What are you doing, Mary?"
asked husband, addressing his wife.
Il am sewing on a crazy quilt she
replied. Are there any buttons on
it?" No" Il thought not" he said,
lit wouldn't be like you to be sewing
on anything that needed buttons. and
drawing deep sigh, he proceeded to
fasten his suspenders with half-burned
match Chicago Journal.
The Day After the Wedding do,
nestle Drama, in One Act: Wife
'.Muffins all right, my darling?' Hus-
nd-..Perfection, my pet.' Wife
''How (hesitates and trembles)-how
is the coffee?'' Excellent.
Wife (greatly agitated l-"Not so good
as your mother used to make, my
darlingP" Husband Calmly
mother never knew how to make coffee
at all, precious CWife falls into a
deadly swoon. Tableau). -Phitadel-
Dhi0 CALL
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

minutes, when, finding his victim ous
of reach, he unexpectedly changed ms
tactics, springing around the trees on
one side with an agility and suddenness
scarcely to be looked for in his clumsy
and ill-shaped form, and almost strik-
ing Jim-who was taken entirely by
surprise, and who had barely time to
spring between the trees.
And so they continued to dodge, the
moose around and Jim. between the
trees, veritable game of hide-and-seek,
with the hiding part left out, although
Jim was more on his guard after the
first, and fully realized that it was LIE
or death with him.
s.Thus the game went on until the
sun sank from sight behind the Western
hills. Darkness began to gather under
the heavy canopy of foliage over us,
and the moose still kept up The attack
with unhagging energy. AT last it be-
came so dark that the two combatantS
could hardly perceive each other. Then,
and not till then, did he give up the
'tussle,' and moved slowly away IN
search of his companions, which had
wandered Off through the woods at the
commencement of the atfray, though he
seemed loath to leave, for he paused
several times and glanced back with
wrathful snort before he passed out OF
hearing.
1--WE waited spell after he had
done so; then, satisfied that he was
gone for good. l descended to the
ground, where | found Jim in very
exhausted state. l partly led and part
ly carried him to camp, and the next
morning he was so weak that he was
unable TO walk. So | took him 10 the
pirogue' in my arms, and brought him
down river.
''He went back to the woods as soon
as he Was able, but he can never think
of that eyentful evening without a shud-
der. "-Aarper's loung People.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The Federal Onices In Missouri.

WASHINGTON, D. c., September 28.-
There will be gathering here this week
OF the Missouri Congressional delega.
ton, Senators Cockrell and Vest having
informed the Representatives of their
Intention of visiting Washington very
shortly. All those at present in the city,
Messrs. Dockery, Stone, Glover and
O'Neill, are putting things in order for
systematic effort, looking to the GUST
ing of Republican of1ceholders in favor
of Democratic workers. Some interest
ing developments NAV be expected from
this conference.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The Moberly Strikers in Court.

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo-, September a.
Governor Marmaduke is back at his desk
again. The trial of the Moberly strikers
for contempt of the United States Circuit
Court, in interfering with the hands EN-.
ployed by the Wabash Railroad, was com.
menced Yesterday, and will not likely be
concluded before night. Major VIM.
Warner, of Kansas City, is conducting
the defense, and F. w. Randolph, Of
Mobcrly, and Colonel E. M. Benton ap-
peared for the road and the Government.
a large number of witnesses are present.
The defense is trying to prove that there
was no contempt of court actual or in
territorial.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The Summer Style.

A pretty girl just home from the sea-
side was interviewed by her stay-at-home
lover on some of the reports which had
come to him of her firtations.
''Why, Frankr' she exclaimed, ''you are
just too foolish for anything"
''NIay be 1 am,'' he answered, sullenly,
shut 1 want to know if you didn't become
engaged to one of those fellows you met
this summer"
''Of course I did," she replied, with a
frank smile.
''And do you expect me to stand that
sort of thing?"
''Why, Frank, how you do talk. You
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
THE WALKUP CASE.
The Trial of Minnie Wallace Walkup Sc,
for October 10th.

The Trial of Minnie Wallace Walkup Set
for October 10th.
EMPoRIA, KAs., September 22.-Ah
doubt as to the trial of Minnie Wallace
Walkup for the alleged poisoning of her
husband taking place at Emporia has
been dispelled by its being placed on the
docket of the Lyon County District
Court, Judge C. B. Graves presiding, for
October 10th, and the statement of Hon.
w. w. Scott, Mrs. Walkup's attor
uey, that he would insist on the case
being tried at that time. Both the pros
ecutlon and defense will be represented
by eminent counsel, Hon. Thos. P.
Fenton, of Leavenworth, Kan, having
been retained by Mrs. Walkup to
assist Mr.. Scott, and Mr.. T. Lambert,
of Emporia, will assist County
Attorney Feighan. Despite the fact that
the developments which have heretofore
been published point strongly to Mrs.
Walkup's innocence, the prosecution ex-
press themselves equally as confident in
the final outcome of the case as the de-
Tense, and the proceedings of the trial
promise to be of unusual interest.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
reception to the Sir Richard Sutton,

NEW YORK, Septe 25.-A recep-
ton was rendered by the New York Club
last night to Sir Richard Sutton, owner
of the cutter Genesta. The club room
was handsomely decorated for the
occasion, and conspicuous among
the bunting were the racing colors
of the Genesta and Puritan.
Among the guests were Sir VIM. Le-
vinge, Mr.. j. B. Webb, DR.. j. M. Wood.
bury, Admiral Jouette and several men,
bers of the Eastern Yacht Club. The
owner of the Genesta was much pleased
with his reception, and responded in an
appropriate speech to the toast ''OM
Guests"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
SHE TOOK THE HINT.

A Washerwoman Who Acted Promptly
Upon a Rather Misty Suggestion.
At home stations the private soldiers
washing is usually done by the married
soldiers wives, who are expected to sew Oh
missing buttons and do repairs for which a
small sum is deducted from the private's
pay.
Pat McGinnis had good deal of trouble
with his laundress. Sunday after Sunday
had his shirt come back with the neck but
ton off or else hanging by a thread. He had
spoken to her on the subject, and sh e had
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The Murder of Miss Clara Hough.

WOOSTER, o. September 25.-News
of the murder of Miss Clara Hugh
has caused the greatest excitement
here Her people, though not wealthy,
hav the respect of the entire commun-
ity where they live, and the young
woman was highly esteemed by all who
knew her, being of agreeable manners,
unusual intelligence, and unimpeacha-
bic virtue. Her Independent life was
far more the result of choice than of
necessity. Her mother is almost in
sane from grief, and there are fears that
her reason is permanently shaken.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
READING FOR THE YOUNG.
A LITTLE sPRiTE.

/ am thinking of house
Where there lives tiny mouse
Little sprite-
That is buster at play
And at mischief all the day
Than at night.
NOW, you who pretend to know
mat this really can't be So
Though it might
Should see its funny capers
Nesting in piles OF papers
With delight;
GnaW1ng corners Off my books
And, concealed in little hooks,
Out of sight,
Printing tOothmarks, four SO cutA
In q peach or other fruit
1t can bite.
Can't we catch it? No, indeed,
For it runs with such a speed
In its flight,
That when We try to capture
The act but causes rapture
In the mite.
What can we do, now truly,
With a mouse so unculy,
Yet so brigntg
For you've suspected, may be,
That the mischief is my baby
And you're right.
-U'iU ltednl, in Toledo Bldd<
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
The wav the law stands now q !

The way the law stands now a boy
has only to raise couple of dollars
and swear that he is eighteen years old
and girl that she is sixteen in order
to plunge headlong into the sea on
whose shores some of the profoundest
shivered until they were sixtv-seven or
ninety years of age without daring to
go in. This is all rong.-Lanstng Re.
publican.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

"A dove flew in at an open window
of church in Danbury, Conn.,, on Sun
day morning, and, perching upon a gas
jet just over the preachers head, re-
manned there till the doxology was
sung.-HarJord Coura'st.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

Elizabeth, you know. What will you call
her, Lizzie, or Bessie, or just Bess?
Mr.. ST. didn't think of any of those
names. think would rather call her the
Mrs Elisha Smith.-Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
Naming a Yacht.

Enthusiastic Young Lady-Is that boat
the Oracle, Mr.. Smith? And that the Fan
ny? And that lovely, long, white, thin
yacht the Ileen? What pretty names! Do
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
VII.

promised to see to it, but still the button
was not on properly.
He got out of patience one Sunday wher
the missing button had made him late for
parade and exclaimed:
Bother the woman. I'll see if cant
give her hint this time anyhow"
He then took the lid OF tin backing box
about three inches in diameter, drilled two
holes in it with fork and sewed it on the
neck of the shirt that was next to be washed.
When his washing came back he found she
had taken the hint. She had made button
hole to fit tn. Y. Herald
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

1T is estimated that the farm fences
IN this country. if placed in straight
line. would encircle the earth two hum
dred times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

the shop the assistant flattered himself that
the little woman with the Grecian nose had
tried it Oh the wrong merchant. What
made you watch that person so closely?'
queried lady who had observed. most of
the maneuvering. Kleptomania he
whispered. els that so? Why, 1 should
have thought the other one needed your
eyes the mostp' She had taken thirty
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
THE MATUTINAL FLY.

Being the Thrilling Story. In Twelve Pict-
ures, of a Sleepy Citizen and His Persist
emit Tormentor-Tranquil Repose at Last.
lPuck.1
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
VIII.

-7-' Her Sort of Doctor.
George who is your family physician?"
cdr. Smoothman.''
sWhat, that internal numbskull? How
does it happen you employ him?"
sob, it's some of my wife's doings. She
went to see him about a cold in her head,
and he recommended that she wear another
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

commenced his weather report when one of
the women said: ''It is my duty to warn
you that my sister is confirmed klepto-
maniac and that you must watch her close
ly." After little while the ''klep' moved
along to another seat and the assistant felt
it his duty to give her his most vigilant atten-
ton. Twenty minutes time was consumed
and no purchase made, and as the women left
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

Watched the Wrong One.
Two well-dressed women, whose kinship
could be seen at a glance, entered shop in
London the other day and took seats at the
silk counter. The assistant had scarcely
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

will soon go to ruin unless we get woman
to take care of il.
"Oh, no it won't; we can manage that
ourselves"
Nonsense! You don't know anything
about housewOrk."
"DOn't L? Well, now, let me tell you,
since I've been going to see that girl with
cross father on Green street, Eve learned
how to dust at a moments warning."-
Philadelphia Call
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

His Housekeeping knowledge.
First Chum-This is a very pleasant
room, old man, and we ought to enjoy our
selves
Second Chum (gloomily)-Yes; but it
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01
VI.

they name them after their sisters-or-Or
their friends, Mr.. Smith?
Mr.. S.-Yes generally after their friends.
Sisters very seldom have pretty names.
Y. L-Have you yacht, Mr.. Smith?
Mr.. S.--No, but am building one now.
Y. land what is her name?
Mr.. S-She hasn't any. I thought Of
calling her after you, if you would not be
ashamed of her.
Y. Lob, how lovely! My name is
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-01

A Difference in Boxes.
"Look here, Mr.. Grocer" said a Hart
ford citizen. "How's this? l get twice as