The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1885-12-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

ments. LouiSrille Courier-Joaraal.
Those who have tried it say that
they would rather be struck three |
times by lightning than once bv |
hghtningrod peddler; and yet some |
people think that lightning hurts
Aet0man IadepeRdents
In Cincinnati the reStaurant-keepe
have q powder that they sprinkle over |
small oysters, causing them to swell; |
aud you will often meet young men in |
Boston who seem to have been sprink- |
led with this same powder Boston |
Commercial BUlIetiH.
A learned Professor who was asked
the question. What is cholera?" re-
piled: Cholera is poisoning by
uremia, by choiemis, by extractihe-
mia; analogous to what is produced by
ptomaines, analogous TO cholera
stibie' or to cholera arsenical.
Mighty poor dogs sometimes make
fine sausage-meat. This shows how
far the education of dumb brutes has
| advanced within the past few years.
We have no doubt that in time dogs
can be hired to perform many of the
menial duties for which we are now
obliged to pay high wages. B'triing-
ton Free Press.
81 don't see why pennies were in
vented" said New York banker, who
had received a few in change.
.Oh, that's easily accounted for"
| remarked friend from an adjacent
| city; pennies were invented to enable
| New York millionaires to contribute
toward the erection of public monu-
ments. "-B0St0n Globe.
A burglar who attempted to enter a
| house In Sacramento was caught fast
| in the window; and the woman armed
herself with potato-masher, drew up
a chair, and sat there and tapped his
head for half an hour before calling the
police. She said she had always just
ached to pound man all she wanted
to.-Sk Louis Post Dispatch.
Milkman: johnny. did you put
water in the milk this morning?" New
assistant: Yes, sir.'' did you
know that is wicked. johnny" "But
you told me to mix water with the
milk" Yes. but told you to put
water in first and pour the milk into
it. Then. you see, we can tell the peo-
-Al6any Argus.
The class in meteorology at the Uni
versity of Texas was up for examina-
ton.
HAS the mean temperature increas-
ed or fallen off during the last three
centuries?" asked the professor.
Professor, l can't remember any
thing that happened so far back.
only entered the university last year"
TEXAS SytingS.
One of the new mem bers of the
Georgia Legislature kept quietly in his
seat for three hours on his first day in
the House, and then timidly approach
ing a doorkeeper said in a whisper: II
-I-I-say, I'd like to go out, if-if
you don't k-keer. I--I-won't be gone
but about ten minutes" The door
keeper let him out.
Times are pretty hard with some of
the small brokers in the new Board of
Trade district. A deaf and dumb man
went into an office in the Open Board
of Trade building the other day and,
seizing a piece OF paper. wrote:
Il am hungry"
The broker took the piece of paper,
read the unhappy words and scrawled
under them:
so am L. Chicago Herald
Hearing a noise at night, Jones de-
scends with a lighted candle and dis
covers burglar escaping with full
sack. Hello" he cries. Come
back. your ''Eh, whata" returns the
burglar ''Ah, yes-the silver candle
stick Permit me-" He takes it from
the hand of the astonished Jones and
puts it into his bag. "Ten thousand
thanks. Have | forgotten anything
?"-LoRdon 1id-Bi
Young mani came in answer to
the advertisement" Dentist-"Are
you of cheerful disposition?" ''Sir.
l could laugh at funeral and play
checkers in graveyard" Il think
you'll do. | want a young man of
good address to issue forth from the
| operating-room at ten-minute inter-
walls, looking as if he enjoyed it. |
think it will tend to encourage the real
victims. ~ -PttladetphiG CaH
Chief of Detective Bureau-Y ou wish
employment on the force, eh? How
would you proceed in delicate inter-
| view?
pplicant-Oh. I'd skirmish adroitly
for while; then, when l had succeed
ed in arresting his attention, would
-
THAT will do. sir. You can consid-
er yourself engaged. Hang me if /
| don't want man on my force who
| can succeed in arresting something or
other. "-Phtladelphia CAL.
The passenger from Pennsylvania
was complaining of business down his
way. Everything dull.
1.-Two years ago." he said. 81 went
into the oil regions with S13, ,000 Day
before yesterday 1 pulled out with
$3.50, and am going West to get me
| farm"
'.You didn't invest very wisely, did
you?" remarked the elderly passen-
ger.
No." replied the Pennsylvania,
sadly, mot wisely, but in two wells "
Chicago Herald.
| The New York Tribune. in comment
| ing on the recent horse swindle in
Boston. tells the following anecdotes:
1.-The late Tom Appleton of Boston
| once offered horse for sale, and stat
| ed in the advertisement that the only
reason he parted with the animal was
that he wished to leave Boston. 1t
| turned out that this nice family horse
| of Appleton invariably became balky
when he reached a bridge. and his
owner could not leave Boston without
crossing bridge"
An Augusta dentist was at work on
| set of false teeth when the writer en-
| tered his sanctum the other day.
"These teeth" he said. ''have a pc
| culiar history. / made them tor a
| young lady in Belgrade She died On
| her deathbed she gave the set of teeth
to her most intimate friend. This
friend brought them to me and en-
ployed me to alter them to fit her own
mouth. Yes, the intimate friend is
lady, and is practical, not romantic.
-LewiSt0,s Ne. Journal.
At 10 O'Clock in the evening a gen.
tleman in great. hurry leaped into
fiacre and cried to the coachman: ''Rue
Bleuer' After a certain time had
elapsed he perceived that he was not
going in the right direction He call
ed to the coachman: Where are you
taking me?" The coachman answer
ed: Here you are. citizen, at your
destination" ..But l am in the Rue
Violet, and / told you the Rue Bleuer'
20. confound itp' growled the coach
man. by gaslight always get those
two colors mixed. French Fun.
He was one of those shabby-genteel
tramps with trife of the flavor of the
..old-school gentleman about him.
but he was a tramp for all that With
graceful obeisance he stood at the back
door of Hartford home and thus re-
cited:
BEG pardon. ma'am. but if may
| be so bold. / have seen better days,
and it may not be becoming to me,
Int II Won should see fit in your un-