Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1885-01-31
A FEW CRIME UNDER THE SUN.

NDGn OIG AuQSTSOu DluuiiSS auhoapSSN
himself as candidate ior justice of the peace
the people of Buck Short township felt that
The time when they were to have an able
and upright administration of judicial af-
fairs had arrived. Old Brumley had never
opened law book; therefore he was re.
garded as honest He had never hesitated
10 take off his coat and fight the best man
in the neighborhood therefore he was con-
sidered able He had never been backward
in denounciug his enemies: consequently
he was regarded as a citizen OF wisdom.
With these complishments, his election,
in the expressive parance of politics, was
walk over" Shortly after Brumley took
his seat on the red oak wooisack, man
named Billy Malone was arrested for steal
ing gr:ndslone. :.
This here is mighty important case"
said the magistrate, when the culprit had
been arlaigned before court. "In lookin'
over these law books, don't find no men
tion OF grind stones. Il was a big ever
sirh in our legislature not to pat down
priud stones in the books, fur it mout have
been knowed that some blamed rascal III
ii:is ,arI q the State was Il goin' 10 steal
one. Folks in this here part9ui the country,
let ne tell you. will steal anything. Wa'ai
in he absence o any statuary BARN on
the suhieck, reckon I'll make this here
charge lnanslaughter III the first degree
Your houoi.' said Il lawyer, that would
be impossible"
Wood is?" Wa'al, I'll ies show you I'm
running this here court
"HOur honor"
"Call me jedge, if you please"
Well. Judge, there is no such thing as
manslaughter in the first degree
"Ain't thar? Well, I'll jes show you Pm
runnin this here court. Prisonerat the bar
| have Ionged fur a opportunity o. teachin'
lesson to the risn' generation. You have
given me that chance I don't delight in
seein' man fall from grace, but when he
does fall. thar amt uothin' that pleases me
so much as to tangle my hand in the rut1ies
O. his calico shirt. Manslaughter is
mighty serious charge, young teller..
II ain't slaughtered no man ylt, Jedge."
"Shet your mouth, impndent violater O.
tho sacred law o. the land No matter what
you done, say it was manslaugbtcr IN the
fust degree, an when man disputes my
word, wy he'd better wush that his tones
was made outen 1njun rubber an his back
kivcred with the skin o. yalligator. Young
outrager O. the principles O. civilization, for
this great crime Of manslaughter in the iust
degree, sentences you to he hung next
Friday"
Judge" exclaimed the lawyer, sprineing
to his feet, this proceeding Is Impossible"
as it? Wa'al. I'll jest show you I'm run
MIN this court When you git to be 81 jedge
/ won't come round tellin you what you can
do an what you can't"
"Great Cesar, judge, such a course as
you are taking is y violation OF The State
Constitution"
SIS il? Wa'al I'll jest repeal the State
Constitution right here. This feller oughter
be hung, an if had catch him ten days
ago, whuther o. not ne had committed
manslaughter in the fust degree or stold
grind stone in the second, which is the
same would have sentenced him to bo
hung Mr.. Constable take charge O. this
man, an see that ne is hung up in q re-
spectacle manner Any lawyer what don't
wanter be- sarved in the same way had
better keep mis- mouth shet. I'm runnin'
this court"
GOf course, the above WILL as it should
be, read as fiction. But instances, showing
that truth is often equally as strange, may
be cited. In county court, not many
miles from this city, few years ago Jury
were commissioned to consider the case Of
an individual charged with larceny. After
being out some time, the foreman appeared
in the room with his confreres and astonish-
ed the Judge, lawyers and audience by an
nouucing that the jury found the prisoner
guilty Of murder in the first degree. They
we're, Of course, sent back to their room in
hurry.