The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-05-30
A CAUSE FOR LAMENTATION.
The Succession of MisFortunes That Is
Sure to Descend Upon the Head of u
HatIess Citizen.


Sure to Descend Upon the Head of a
HatIess Citizen.
There is no sympathy for the man
who has lost his hat The most veneer
able looking man in town may lose his
hat in manner easily explained but
when he walks along bareheaded, even
his most intimate friends regard him
with suspicion. | have been frequently
asked to state the cause of this ill ar
rangement, but anything like Il salts
factory reply would involve so much
study that | am afraid to undertake an
enterprise placing me under the neces-
sity of such mental strain. The man
who has lost his hat always looked as
though he had been drunk. He may
take Off hic hat and carry it along, and
bareheaded he may walk around in his
yard. and he does not sow the seeds
which sprout in mischief, take root in
malignity and grow up to be weeds of
great evil. Any one can at once see
that he has not lost his hat. In one
instance they see that he has it with
him; in the other instance they suppose
that he has left it in the house.
Several weeks ago, Rev. Mr.. Pitch
field, as good man and as upright a
revivalist as ever lived, lost his hat
while looking from the window of a
railway train. Being man of economy,
he decided that he would not ride home
after reaching the station, and that as
he had another hat at home he would
not weaken recent collections by I'M
necessary expenditure.
As he walked along the street people
stared at him. whats the matter
with Mr.. Pitchfield?" asked business
man, addressing an acquaintance.
Been drunk"
you dom tell me SOP
Man down the street just now told
me that the old fellow was rip-roaring.
faid that he kicked his hat and then
wore it out against post"
That's shameful. | didn't know
that the old gentleman ever drank any
thing"
Il didn't, either, until just now. Eel
low said that the old man had been &
quiet drinker for years. Another man
told me that he keeps a Jug in his
closet"
The morning paper, coming out the
following day, contained this para
graph:
One of our most prominent minister's was
seen walking along the street yesterday in
| beaStly state of intOXicatiOn. He filled hi
| plug hat with fragments of stone. tied it to
dogs tail and yelled in idiotic delight Hi
many friends we're shocked, and we, in max
| ing this chronicle, although we mention NJ
name are deeply gricved.
The church people became excited
and began to make inquiries. Some o
the most trustworthy men in town
stated that they had seen Mr.. PitchfielC
going bare-headed through the streets
A committee selected from the unfortu
nate old gentleman congregation sum
moned him. Astonished and indignant
he appeared.
Brother Pitchtield," said the chair
man, 1--WE are greatly Inundated by tn,
report that you were beastlv intoxicated
yesterday; that you tied your hat to
dogs tail, and that you behaved in
very scandalous manner"
at is lie," exclaimed the justly in
dignant preacher.
Hold on, brother, hold on; the guilt
always fly into a passion. "
Il lost my hat from the window of
railway train, and came through tn
Streets
'Mr. Clerk, - said the chairman, Gre
cord the fact that Brother Pltchtiel,
acknowledges his guilt
Il am not guilty, and | acknowledg
nothing but the truth" shouted tn
minister.
also add, Mr.. Clerk, that when con
fronted he became violent and abusive
You are a set OF scoundrels," eX
claimed Mr. Ptchtield.
Also add. Mr. Clerk, that he Sian
dered the church. Now, sir, you ma,
90. We want no more of your preach
ing"
No; the man who loses his hat anC
who goes bareheaded through the street
can make but a poor explanation. Thi
is sad, in view OF our freedom, on
great institutions; it is Just cause TO
lamentation.-Opj p. Rcad, IN N. !
| Mercury.