The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-12-16
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

soda.
A popular air with the ladies-"Sweet
buy and buy."-C Chicago Ledger.
1t was said of the eloquent prosccut'
ing attorney that people hang upon his
words. The Judge.
"What I told my Wife" is the title OF
a new book. 1t is almost needless tt
say that it is iction.-Puck.
An old rounder says paralysis is caused
by canned goods. 1t is also certain that
some Of it comes through bottled goods.
Picayune.
Sweden is a good cattle country, be.
cause there the animal never strays, the
cattlemen always finding shcir Stock
holm.-Foho.
Bishop Taylor writes that missionaries
with families are wanted in Africa.
The natives will pay the expenses OF
fattcning. Huntington Free Press.
When Fogg stood watching the
weighing of his Sunday roast he re-
marked that he iclt like Ajax defying
the lightning. -Boston Transcript.
An exchange asks: "What is the
hottest place in the United States" We
reply, without the slightest hesitation, q
hornets nest.-Burlngton Free Press.
The Russian government has recalled
minister Tchichagoff from Philippopolis.
The appearance of the name suggests
that it was a sueezy thing to do.-Bin0-
hamton Republican.
Queer, isn't it2 A man who will
swallow any kind of dish with an impos.
ing French name will be scared to death.
if he clutches a cold with q Greek or
Latin title.-L,WeA Citizen.
Nothing makes a miscr feel his i'm
poverished condition so much as to
travel a little and thus discover that
there is much of the earth no can never
hope to possess Chicago Ledger.
DR.. bio Lewis declares that hot water
will cure every complaint that human
flesh is heir to, yet all the same a good
deal of complaint comes from people who
get into hot water.-New YORK. World.
Police sergeant Comprising his subor-
! dinate, who should be on duty)-"Here,
here! Oil have none O. that" Subor.
dinate (devourlng the last morsel)-"Be
3 bers, Oh don't think ycz will!"-
Rambler.
Miss Clara-"Are youan anglomaniac,
Mr.. Feathcrly?" Mr.. Feathcrly-''Well,
hardly as strong..a that, Miss Clara. !
fish occasionally; but I am fond c
angling to a limited extent only."-New
/ York Sun.
Mrs. Beacon (new to housekeeping
"Good morning, Mr.. Cults, can YOU
give me a good piece of roast beeff'
Supercilious butcher-"Madam. / eau
give you a good piece of beef to roast"
-Harrard Lanapoon.
Stanley says that sunshine in Africa
looks like moonlight. That's about tk
way it looks right here at home to the
Board of Trade man who gets on thu
wrong side of the fence in a big grain
DEAL Chicago Journal.
"What is usually the nationality OF q
bootblack, my dear2" asked Mrs. Cau-
ton while her husband was studying the
score of an Allegheny game. "Oh, 1t
varies" replied Caution; sometimes
they are Polish and sometimes Shincse."
-Pitsbury Chronicle.
THE MERCHANTS CHORUS.
Here You'll find the merchants chorus,
You will hear it every day,
sit is not the goods we carry,
But the ads. that pay.
eff it were not forthess papers,
And tie ads, 80 often read,
We might order up our collins
For we might as soon DO dead"
-Goodalrs Sun.
A California blacksmith is dangerous
IL ill with CHAMBERS, contracted whila
shocing q horse. And a Pennsylvania
woman is suffering from a sprained ankle
contracted while ''shooing" q hen.
There scelms to he a fatality about this
shoeing business -Morristovn Herald.
"Stone walls do not q prison make"
says, or, rather, sings Sir Richard Love
lace. You are quite right, Sir Dick,
you are quite right; they don't. 1fthcy
did, how would the small boy ever get
out of tho apple orchard uncaught, when
chased by the shouting farmer. -PucG.
Donot be too emphatic in the express
sion of your opinions, my son. I onco
heard your mother speak of the Bliggses
IS the scum Of the earth. Since thon
the "scum" has risen, as it always does,
first or last, and will have nothing to do
with your mother or me.-Loston 1ran-
script.
''THE oRTH WIND DOTH BLOW"
Now the mercury doth fall
Ten degrees,
And the hiril,ts one and all
Gin to sneeze:
AS they fit about and luttcr
To the South from summer shutter
Or their galvanized gutter
Lest they freeze.
Now the very latest styles
All are set,
In our collars, cuffs and tiles,
And we get.
Growing daft with social pleasure
To the bottom OF our treasure
And we can't begin to measure
Up our debt.
Now we don our winter coats
Growing numb,
To a tickling in our Threats
We succumb:
And we all, howe'cr so humble,
Into bod do quickly tumble
AS we shivcr and we grumble
WINTERS COME.
A Chinese testament in English char
acters has just been printed at Ningpo.
-.