The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-03-19
NINE7Y-NlNTH MAN
AN AWFUL FATE FOR THE UN-
REGENERATE TOPPER.
Temperance Schemes and Sugges-
tons in Regard to New Tenn
perance Operations.

Utopian schemes for the alleged bene-
fit of mankind are common. Philan-
thropists and enthusiasts promulgate
human nature Is TO be raised to a state
of purity by the enforcement of certain
conditions which the promulgators
firmly believe will have the desired
effect. This Is entirely erroneous; no
hypothesis can be based on human ma
ture, for its phases are so varied that no
generalitles can be successfully dealt
with The present great scheme on
foot is the great temperance march, pro-
bibition, and total abstinence is flung In
the teeth Of erring man at every corner
True, drunkenness is vice. and the
theory of preventing the vice grow
ing in wild luxuriance, by shut
ting out all noxious influences
that lead to It is good, but one half the
world. not only does not know how the
other half lives, but the ignorant half
knows nothing of how the other half
has to get up and go to work. Temper
ance has uphill work on frosty morn
lngs when cold icy morning with n
nipping air has greeted the toll bound
pedestrian. In the veil of mist and
smoke and fog that swamps a still
drowsy city, muflled humanity with lit
tie clouds of steam floating from their
carefully wrapped faces hustle alone in
cold morose lonliness. 1t has been our
fate to be out In these cold mornings.
and often the truth OF n conversation
once held with n seedy looking whisky
wreck on the subject has been impressed
on our mind ineradioably. you've
heard of crusades, temperance bands
said the whisky wreck. Now let me
tell you temperance racket that would
have some effect. Let these temperance
people fight fire with fire and start sa-
looms. Let them be regular saloons with
all the fascinating paraphernalia of gin
mills and only lack the tanglefoot. |
don't mean coffee saloons. What man
Is going in to swill half n dozrn cups of
coffee for sociability. No one. II they
are such places, put up nice notices all
over the walls about "Be vlrtuous and
you'll be happy" Don't spit on the
floor," "I ou're going to die" and such
like. like to know who's going to go
near them. Likewise when they start
places of this sort and put an old lady
with specks behind the counter, or II
ooilln-faced individual of the other sex,
u
white cravat at the end of 1t, they will
not draw custom. No, sir. What they
want is n regular saloon, with glasses
and bottles and decanters behind the
bar. They can fill the bottles with
what they please so long as 1t is straw
colored. Cold tea will do. Then
they want warm stove, and
plenty of spittoons and sawdust,
and n sprig Of wintergreen and II
dish of cloves and coffee on the end of
the counter. Instead of goody people
behind the bar, they must put man
there in his shirt sleeves, and a big glass
diamond in his shirt front. One OF these
fellows that knows how to stick his two
thumbs on the bar and angle up his lit
tie finger with the big cameo on 1t. A
man that can give the boys 'guff,' and
come out and bounce dead beat now
and then. Make ii as light as day with
gas and let everything be In high colors.
Tack up lot of pictures of actresses,
and u few triile louder. Let man spit
where he pleases and say what he
pleases. Now that's the style of place
that would take. Don't go to calling
it "Holly Tree lnn," or "Sweet Rest
or "Temperance Headquarters" or any
thing of that kind. Give it u fascinat-
ing name. Call 1t the "Lazarao." or
"Sheepherder's Delight" or Nose
plant Something lively and attrao-
tive. Why, such place would draw
custom Immensely. Half the men who
drink at bar do 1t because they know
no other place to go TO get sociable
word or cheerful smile. They do not
care so much for the liquor as for the
sociability. Give them chance in a
place that looks just like saloon and
they'll take 1t.
This is one side of the subject. Anoth-
er mans opinion Of the matter was en-
tiIcly original. lie was lank figure
crushed hat and collarless. at is my
opinion, sir, that 1t is the women who
set the men to drinking. Yes, sir, q
third Of all the hard drinking done is OF
account of women. Most women know
nothing about the trouble and work {
man has in getting them living. AL
they know is that they get what they ART
provided with and have no care in tn,
matter. So when things don't go just I,
suit them, they have no hesitancy II
making Ii known. Take man going Il
his daily business of morning. for In
stance. If he leaves home loaded will
cross word or sour look 1t stays will
him all day, and affects his whole bust
ness and his contact with others. Ill
feels that 1t is a deep Injustice to him
that he works hard and fights the battl
for her, and he thinks he ought to hav
some reward for 1t in the happiness
wife alone can give. IL he has an ide
that sour woman will meet him whel
he goes home he will not be anxious T.
20 home. Instead of doing so he prefer
going OIL to II saloon where he can NEE
pleasant, sooiable people, and gene
rally winds up by getting full
Why, woman can cure
drunkards out of every 100. She new.
can do il by leoturing or jawing then
however. Say 80 men come home tigh
, Let the 90 women pull of their boot
and put them to bed without looking q
If they were the greatest brutes o
, earth. In the morning let them put on
arm around their neck, hand undo
their chin and give them kiss. The
let her gently say, with radiant smll'
Don't drink any to-day and I'll civ
you twice as big a kiss when you con
home" Well, sir, 60 out of the 30 wi
come home sober, and the other 80 wi
, be drunk again. Now let the wives
the 30 failures do the same thing ov,
q again and never once twit them on Il
: fact of their broken promise. The r
suit will be 20 will stick to their wor
!, The other 10 will have TO be LAHORE
n with. 1t may take six months wor
but 1t Is worth six months labor to r
. form "A husband. At the expiration
a those six months 0S out of the 80 will
= good, sober, home-loving men,"
,. "But how about the other fellow
a was the inquiry.
a ''He must be taken out and drowned
" woa the qnlpmn ranlv of the lank nj