The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-08-21
THE GOOD OLD guilt.
NOT LIKE THE MODERN DeLusloNs
or THE GUEST CHAMBER.
The Quilt "Grandma'' Makes Is Gas Big
and Warm as Her Own Blessed Old
Heart'-The Family
History.
[Burdette IN Rrooklyn EagIe.l


young Funny ! did not de-
cline your joke about the guilt containing
1855, Az stitches because it was 80 mucn
funn1er than anything I can write myself
That was one reason, it is true. when
correspondent sends me anything funnler
than my own stuff, do decline to insert 1t
over the correspondents name. But L do
not, as you assert reject it in a mean spirit
Of petty Jealousy and envy. Oh, no; steal
it chuck it right into my own funny
column, as one of my own. l appropriate
all the funny things sent in by funny CORE
spondents just as calmly as the business
manager appropriates the stamps lncloSed
for the return Of the manuscript that never
returns Me and the business manager has
soft things of it, speaking after the Bos-
tonese dialect Nor did I intimate that it
was too old. That is, the quilt wasn't.
But declined to publish libal upon that
good old quilt and the dear good old woman
who made it. There is no guile in the woman
or the quilt. The quilt is no patchwork
fraud and comforter. 1t isn't one Of these
things that seem to weigh ninety pounds
when you first crawl under it, and let you
wake up in the night, shivering at the rate
Of sixty-five miles a minute, frozen stiff as
an introduction from chin to instep, to find
forty-five pounds Of cotton in each end of
the comforter and nothing in the middle,
great saddle bags.
And these "old women" quilts are never
made scant, either, like these decisions that
grace the guest chamber, that are narrow
in one direction and short in the other, SO
that you have to coil up like a snake to get
under them. Nor is it one of these torment
ers with always a small hole torn in them,
into the which, every time you turn you
thrust a toe and either dislocate your toe or
tear the hole bigger. Nor is it one of
these terrorS, quilt so much longer than it
is wide that if you draw it over you length
wise you feel as though you were covered
with a dress braid or the bell cord, AMI if
you twist it around sideways you think on
are trying to cover yo1. rsscsIf with whole
Doll OF mnss1in stretched clear out and only
quarters of a yard wide.
All, no, young Funnyman," the quilt
that grandma" makes is none of these.
Dear old grandma, 9S years old. reads with
out glasses and eats pia with her knife, never
had days sickness or wore a bu tie in her
life, and doesn't believe in sewing machines
or the Revised Bible Why, the quilt she
makes is as big and warm as her own blessei
Old heart You can tuck it under your
feet until it comes up to your shoulder
blades and then tuck the other end in around
your shoulders until it reaches down to
y.ur feet again, and then you can toss and
kick and tumble and roll around under it
for week before you can find your way
cut.
The patchwork quilt is generally, but
quite enormously, supposed to be family
history. This is a piece of Aunt SusanS
dress, and this is piece of grandpa's We It,
and this is a piece of mas old dress. becau
with six girls in the family there are no
new dresses for ma; these four squares came
from the girls new dresses and there the
family record ends: The other 9S4 patches
The girls begged off the nelg noors, stole from
otaer girls and obtained from ths dry goods
Jerks under the specious pretense OF show
ing them 20 ma. 60 see if she liked them. be-
fore ordering d 4ress pattern, TIE invariabLs
experience Of the poor clerk being that ma
1iaa'5 Ike ken