The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-12-25
CHRISTMAS WAITS AND STRAYS
BATCH OF HOLIDAY HUMoR GATHERED IN
FROM ALL QUARTERS.
Santa Claus. SO does the cat.

Santa Claus. So does the cat.
1t is the Christmas doll that decoys our dol
lars.
Have faith in Santa Claus, and hang up
your stocking.
Dressing Christmas tree cannot make it
look any more spruce.
The small boy is right; Santa Claus is the
biggest man in the United States.
1t is wise man who fixes upon Christmas
as his wedding day. One set Of presents will
be enough
Half the world is ignorant of what the other
half is doing just now. Observation-Disclosures
is coming.
The season draweth near when a twenty
five-cent man pays three dollars in a rattle for
a fifty-cent turkey.
If you happen to have a Mazarin Bible in
the house You can sell it and buy whole
store full of Christmas presents.
Now that Christmas is app oaching, it is a
good time for young men to watch the girl.
Let it be gold watch, however.
This is the time OF year at which man
gives his wife money in order that he may be
surprised with a Christmas present.
We may not see any Staying on Christmas,
but the chances are that many will be NOR
tally wounded in the pocket-books.
This Is the time of the year at which man
gives his wife money in order that he may be
surprised with Christmas present.
'.Name clause in our national constitu-
tion," said teacher just before Christmas.
'Santa Claus u shouted a happy-eyed urchn.
Have faith in Santa Claus, and hang up
your stocking. He has never been known to
steal one, even if he didn't put anything in it,
"Christmas time will soon slipper round
again." as the young man observed as he
looked at the we'll nair he had received q
year ago.
This is the time of the year when the poet
gets his wife to pour ice water down his back
and jingle slsigh bells while he works up a
Christmas poem.
There is judicious fattery in Christmas
presents as in many other courtesies. Don't
offer to give your girl new set OF teeth
| L0lCetG Cittzea
Chicago girl on Christmas Eve
Hung up h ample socks"
| And in the morning there she fonld
An immense Gry-gools box
| He-"What do you say to Christmas for
our wedding day?" She-"I say no sir; you,
must be simple, Do you think want to be
cheated out of one set of presentsY
The Sultan of Morocco has 1000 wives, aud
on Christmas morning he will receive enough
pairs of slippers, smoking CAPS and pen-wp-
ers to start tirst-cass church fair.
At this season of the year the longest and
widest stocking is the most fashionable for
children. 1t Is called the chimney style, q ID
is manufactured solely by Santa Claus.
Now i3 the time when the loving wife ASKS
her husband what he wants for his Christmas,
and he tells her not to worry about il. as he
has everything he needs except spondr Y.
Classical Anecdote.-Said Cicero to Atticus
'Shall you hang your stocking up Tonight at
youc fathers Lares?" A tticus pi.h y replied:
"No, have hung my summer toga at my
uncles."
A man is not afraid to be seen Juggling
bundles through the streets lst now, for his
lady friend cannot tell whether It be a hand
scme Christmas present or a pound of liver
thai he is wrestling with.
1t was Christmas Eve, and they had been
propoundng conundrums "Why are you
like the Christmas tree? queried she. Be-
cause It's ever green, l suppose" "Oh, no;
it's because you look so sprucs!"
Your wife hustles oit of the room when you
come home and hastily brushes her dress.
You find scraps of zephyr or pieces of cloth
on the floor. You don't know what it means
but you will Christmas morning.
The country parson now looks forward to
Christmas and wishes that some one would
present him with a pair of leather boots to
kind OF offset the dead loads of work cd wor-
sted slippers he is sure to receive.
The current ''catch' is to ask your friend if
Christmas and New Years come in the same
year. Not few people will promptly answer
mo, Of course they don't" and half Ii minute
later they feel sick over their own mental
| weakness.
gushing young poetess has sent us in
poem beginning "What shall | find in my
stockings on early Christmas morn? and asks
what we think of it, We think. dear, that
unless you drop poetry you will find holes in
both stockings.
James Sullivan, of Nyack, hung up his stock
ing on Christmas Eve and his employer dropped
$500 bill into it, but owing to his wifes neg
lect it slipped out of large hole in the toe
and was lost We publish this item in the in
test of the sex.
Johnnie, do you know who Santa Claus
ISL? asked a fond father of his seven-year old
son, on Christmas morning. With knowing
look the youngster replied: "Well, last night
l didn't, Just on purpose; but now that I've
got my presents m not quite as green as
Christmas tree"
A new disease called bundle paralysis has
broken out and is expected to become pretty
yiruleut Just before Christmas. 1t attacks
business man whose wife has been downtown
shopping and has ordered the purchases left
NJ his Office in the expectation that he will
bring them home at night.
"Young man, don't get reckless and spend
every cent you have to buy your girl Christ
mas present. Better save the greater part OF
it for future needs. There may come time
when few dollars will 90 good way toward
buying furniture, and il your girl is sensible,
she will advise you in the same way.
The man who presented his wife last Christ
mas with dinner-kettle in which 10 put up
his dinner on work-day mornings, is puzzled
to determine what gift would be most appro-
PIRATE this year. He has almost decided on
briarwood pipe for his wife to fill for him dur
ing future hours of recreation at home.
When young man of Japan falls in love
| with an almond -ayed haautY. he iins hi anch