Morning journal and courier., 1885-07-15
ASCERTAINED.

It has been ascertained that the Chicago girl who wears No shoes is not quite year old.-Louisville Courier-Journal. Papa-fEthel, you mustn't say won't to pap. It's naughty" Ethel-"Well, but papa, what shall say when mean won't2" Life.
 70 to lie in the ripening grass' exclaims a newspaper poet. He should get himself turned into gravestone forthwith.-Boston Transcript.
 An exchange tells how lawn mowers may be repaired. Up to date, however, no one has given recipe for repairing the man who shoves the lawn mower.-New York Graphic.
 A Frenchman has patented a process of making butter by passing a current of cleo l tricity through milk. Shocking bad milk, however, is no new thing in this country.- 1 Boston Transcript.
 A Fourth street boarding house keeper was l 1t a loss to known why one of her boarders 1 carried two pieces of steak from the table up l into his bedroom. She found it out when l she saw he had got new hinges on his trunk. Fall River Advance.
 l First hen: "There comes the woman to I drive us out of her garden" Second hen: I 'tYes, and she's picking up a stone, tool | Let's fly out quick" First hen: ''No, no; stay here" Second hen: 'FBut she's aiming ! right for us." First hen: "Yes, and if we move we mlSnh get nlt. -Cn1caSo ! Tribune.
 Iommy-'Mom, what does it mean by painting the town red?" 1 Mother-"When men go out at night | drinking and carousing."
 s "Does pop ever paint the town red? :" ! ''No, my son; your father is satisfied with l painting his nose red. Philadelphia Call.
 "My dear,'' said frightened husband ir
 the middle of the night, shaking his wife
 where did you put that bottle of strych-
 nines" ''On the shelf next to the pepper
 mint" 'fOh, Lordl" he groaned, ''Pve l swallowed it." "Well, for goodness sake, J 1 whispered his wife, "keep quiet, or you'll
 wake the baby. ."-New York Sun. 1 Johr, Bannister, the comedian, was pre- 1 sented to an old lady proud of ancient and 1 noble blood. The lady asked wit of the | day, who was present: "Who are the Ban 1 nisters? Are they good family?' ''Yes, J
 says the wit, livery good, indeed; they a1e i closely connected with the Stairs. " "Oh, J 1 said the lady, "a very ancient family of Ayr l shire, dates back to 145Ol am delighted to
 see your friend. ."-Exchange. Pretty cousin (to young doctor)-"So you
 are full fedged doctor, are you, Tom ?'' Young doctor-''Yes; got my diploma last | week. Pretty cousin-''Have you any make children's diseases a speciality" Pretty | cousin-''Ah, yes, I see; and as you gain ! experience in your profession you will be able to attend older people. That's right, l Tom; begin at the bottom and work your | way up."-Drakes Magazine. l A welcome visitor.-s'Tell your mother l that I am coming to see her soon," said 8 lady on Austin avenue to Mrs. Sniverley's
 little boy, who was playing in front of the gate. ''I am glad you comin' and ma l will be glad to see you, too" "How do you 1 know she will be glad to see mel" asked Mrs.
 Sniverly. "Because heard her say yester- ! day she would be glad to see somebody who | didn't come to collect bill. She said no
 body ever came to the house except men I with bills ''-Texas Siftings.