Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-06-12
Danlel q Council and Biddy 1iorL
arty. 3.s 3Ss5

from : Madden'S Key OF lreiAnd.
& When Daniel O'Connel was yet q
Young man his talent for vituperativs
language was 50 great that he was
deemed matchless IS scold. There
lived in Dublin certain woman, Biddy
Moriarty by name, who kept a hnckster
stall on one Of the quays nearly oppo'
site the -Four Courts. She was first
class virago--fornlidable with both fist
and tongue-so that her voluble I'M
pudence had become almost proven bal
in the country roundabout.
Some of O'Connel's friends thought
that he could defeat her with her own
weapons, while others ridiculed the
idea. The Kerry barristar could not
stand this; SO he backed himself for
match. Bets were offered, and taken,
and it was decided that the matter
should be settled at once. So proceed
ing to the hucl1ster's stall with few
friends O'Connell commenced the at
tack On the old lady.
"What's the price of this Walking
stick, Mrs What's vour-name?"
"Moriarty, sir, is my name, and
good one it is; and what have you to
SLY agin it? and one and -six-pence's the
price of the stick. Troth it's chape as
dirt, so it is.
"One-and- sixpence for walking
stick; whew Why, you are no better
than an impostor to ask eighteen pence
for what cost you two pence"
1.-TWO pence, your grandmother, re-
piled Mrs. Biddy. EDO you name to
say that's chatting the people I am?
lmpostor, indeed"
GAY, impostor; and it's that call you
to your teetil," rejoined O'Connell.
"Come, cut your stick, you cantanker-
GUS jackanapes."
keep g. civil tongue in your head,
You old diagonal" cried O'Connell,
calmly.
"Stop your jaw, YOU pug nosea
badger, or by this and that" cried Mrs.
Moriarty, eth make you go quicker nor
you came"
Don't be IN s. passion, my old radius
anger will only wrinkle your beauty"
"By the hockey, il YOU say another
word of impudence, I'd tan your dirty
hide, you bastely common scrub; and
sorry I'd be to soil my fists upon your
carcase."
"Whew boys, what passion old Bid
dy is il; I protest as am gentleman
"Jintle.nan jintleman! the likes of
YOU jintleman! Wisha, by gor, that
bangs Banager. Why, YOU potato faced
pippin- sneezer, when did a Mala-
gascar monkey like you pick enough Of
common Christian decency to hide your
Kerry brogue?"
easy now-easy now" cried O'Con-
nell, with imperturbable good humor;
"don't choke yourself with fine Ian
gnage, you old whiskey drinking paral-
telegram"
whats that you call NE, you muir
derin' villain ?" roared Mrs. Moriartv,
stllng with fury.
II call you," answered O'Connell. "a
parallelogram; and q Dublin judge and
jury Will say that it's no libel to call
you So"
ooh, tare-an-ouns! oh, holy Bildy!
that an honest woman like ME should be
called parrybellygrum to her face.
I'm none Of your parrybellygr11ms, YOU
rascally gallows bird; you cowardly,
sneaking, plate lickin' bliggard!"
ooh, not YOU, indeed" retorted
O'Connell; "wAy, [ suppose you'll deny
that you keep hypothenuse in your
house.
"Its lie for you, you by robloer;
I never had such 6 thing in my house,
swindling thief"
"Why. sure all your neighloors know
very well that you keep not only
hypothenuse, but that you have two
iiameters locked up in your garnet,
aud that you go out to walk with
heptagon."
ooh, hear that, ye saints in glory!
Oh, there's bad language from fellow
that wants to pass for a jintleman. May
the devil fly away with you, you wicher
from Munster, and make celerysauce of
your rotten limbs, you meaiy-mouthed
tub of guts.''
"Ah, YOU can't deny the charge, you
miserable sub-multiple of duplicate
ratio"
"Go, rinse your mouth in the Liffey,
YOU nasty ticklepitcher; after all the bad
words you speak it ought to be tilthier
than your face, you dirty chicken OF
Beelzebub."
"Rinse your own mouth, you wicked
minded polygon-to the deuce I pitch
you, you clustering intersection of
st-ng supericies!"
"You saucy tinker's apprentice, if you
don't cease your jaw I'll" But here
she gasped for breath, unable to hawk
up any more words, for the last volley
OF O'Connell had nearly knocked the
wind out of her.
"While I have q tongue I'll abuse
you, you most inimitable periphery.
Look at her, boys! there she stands-a
convicted perpendicular in petticoats!
There's contamination in her circum-
ference, and she trembles with guilt
down to the extremities Of her corollar-
les. All! you're found out, you rectl-
linear antecedent and equiangular old
bag! IT'S with you the devil will fly
away, you porter swiping similitude OF
the dissection Of vortex!"
Overwhelmed with this torrent OF
language, Mrs. Moriarty was silenced.
Catching up saucepan, she was aim
ing at O'ConnelPs head when he very
prudently made timely retreat.
| "You have won the wager, O'Connell,
here's your bet," cried the gentleman
| who had proposed the contest.