Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-10-21
OCTOBER 81, 1885
wALLOwING IN ELEGANCE.
Two Mountaineers who Try Hotel
Life for n Time.

Old Jerry CrOSScut had not been east OF
the Rockies since 40 until he and his old
pard, Fat Bill, pulled up at the Hotel
Ryan the other day. As he glanced up
at the magnificent facade he remembered
what he had read about the great cara
vansary in the remote mountain camp,
and he involuntary murmured: at air
an imposing pile, William. It's built in
what them newspaper fellers call the
Quinine style, and just beats all for
health"
"Do you wish to be shown toyour apart
ment now?" said the urbane clerk, as
they registered.
"Nary show" said the old man, reflect
lively.
al think l understand you," said the
clerk, smiling. eve will try and make
you comfortable, misunderstanding at
the register)-Mr. Crosscut.
eyes, it air Crosscut-the same. You
can read writin' very slick, but comfort
able won't do. We air goin' to wallow
in elegance-like it is advertised in the
papers. Do you catch my drift"
81 think understand you. You wish
to live high. I'll put you on the sixth
floor il you WISH"
"Now you are talkin'. There is moth
in too high for us, and nothin' too rich
for our blood. We follow the rules. We
deposit our waluaoles in the safe, and
you must follow the small bills. Here is
my pocketbook you can prize that at
$4,000. No, we don't want to leave our
suspenders. We amt tenderfeet. Our
suspenders is alongside our swaddling
clothes. Here, take this small gun Gum
strapping a revolver). Put 'leving thous-
and on it; wouldn't sell it cent less"
'You don't expect us to pay such
prices for this junk-shop truck, do you
You couldn't collect $40 in the courts on
all of it."
Never mind the coorts I'll collect it
if the things is lost. I'll keep this gun
with me. Now, my young friend, you
can bring on your sable African niger"
"Jim, show these gentlemen to No.
ALL"
eyes, show us to No. All, and don't
miss figger. You hit it just right or thar
will be war"
"You mustn't mind jerry" said Fat
suspicious like, and keeps his back to the
wall ever since he killed Shady Noun.
tain Mosley; but he will get used to the
place after WHILE"
I'll don't mind it," said the clerk
nervously; che seems to be a very nice
man, but little peculiar"
EYES, he are bloody peculiar-bloody
peculiar"
Hits cage-that's what, remarked
the old man, as the elevator started
"They are going to hist us to the upper
level. Keep your signal ropes tight young
Teller. Lord Many's the time we had
to crawl into the timber when the ropes
| heZ been tangled We hey trayeled-we
hev--eh, Billy?"
Nov, African" said Jerry, as he pro
ceeded to unGress, after reaching All
"you stand in that corner, and when
give the signal you smother then
lamps"
ri kin put out the gas" suggested
Fat Bill "The niger can go and sent
up bokay of sweet violets to remember
hisself by"
"You can't put out no gas for me, viii
liam. There is more'n million people
smothered every year by knowing to-
much about tavern gas. There is knacl
about it which we amt on to. Now
Sable, kill the lights, and mind that n,
fire starts in this joint tonight. We hole
you strictly responsible. I'll cut you
liver-colored heart out through the small
of your spotted back if l hear a whimpel
before mornin' louder than the moanin
Of the wind. Do you sense me"
"Lord, boss Does you suppose Use 60
ing to burn the hotel up purpose?"
"You may be all right, but suspicion
ye."
In the morning the old man awoke, ant
he saw the annunciator with the usual le
gend written under it.:
Ring for Bell Boy.
2 Rings for Ice Water.
3 Rings for Porter,
"Bill," said he, edo you see them re
marks on the wall: Two rings for ic
water, three rings for porter?' How
many rings will it take, wonder, Il
bring red likker? Touch her off on poi
ter for starter"
Fat Bill reached out OF his bed an,
complied with the request, when the por
ter came.
"Well, boss ?"
~ knowed they wouldn't follow tn
small bills. Jest see that snuff-colore
cannibal, William. where is the Orienta
cuspidor filled with porter? Where is tn
solid gold plate, with incense and cigar
on it? African, you go down the shat
again, and you tell the superintendent
put his ear to our telephone, and min
the small bills"
The clerk went up shortly afterwar
and found the old man plugging the al
nunciator with his revolver mt six PAGES
"See him, William-see the liver-co
ored pointer! Where is your alabaste
jug OF precious ointment? Where is tn
, Egyptian snake plate, filed with sea b
cult? You call this living high? Blan
me if don't plug every telephone in tn
house,"
But he didn't, as the police took hi
away murmuring that il he had anotht
, gun he wouldn't be "took alive. Us
Paul Northwest Magazine.