Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1885-11-04
Uncle Jupiter GlOries in Black Bess's
Having Chills.

Uncle Jupiter; pears ike as now you
amt talking wild ordernary sense. De
berry smallest chile on dis place what kin
talk knows as how at dis here time OBJ de
yeah chills am as plentiful as de blackberries
on de bush and as common as pig tracks in,
muddy wedder. You says as how you am
nebber had chill in yer life? Come here,
oman, and LEM re take squar look at
yer"
-@B1ack Bess," being thus importuned,
laid aside her washboard, and, throwing
the suds from her hands, marched up to
Jupiter. Putting both arms akimbo she
stood before the old man with an insolent
sshere l is'' making not ungraceful pic
ture in the attitude she had unconsciously
assumed. Gal,'' said Jupiter, cycling her
strangely, ''you says as how you am nebber
had chill. Vol, whar in de thunderation
am you been libing all yer life ?"
"Rite in forty miles OBJ dis place, Uncle
Jupiter" replied the girl, 'and if you mis-
douts my word you kim ak Miss Amy II !!
am telling you de blessed truff. In conrse, !"
she added, majestically, 81 is seen odder
foxes hab chills, but am oh dat stripe dey
nebber Gums nigh me, and l is seen plenty
odder quality foxes what am had 'um rud-
der''
EQUALITY foxes be hanged ~ exclaimed
the old man, walking off 81 boun' fore you
is here any length OBJ time you is gwine to
be shaking and chattering OBJ yer teef
and stretching of yer bones jis like odder
foxes, and den it will be quality foxes on
tudder side oh yer mouf"
stNebber mine, ole man, don't you be
skeert," saucily replied the girl, and vigor-
ously resuming her washing she began
most uproarious song, "to drown dat ole
FOOLS croaking,'' as she affirmed when
Young Jake, came along and CALAMITY seat
ed himself on a " ash bench near the irate
young woman.
sit is nifty Gurus firing to me-" she
affirmed, 'as how sum foxes amt satisfied
to see odder foxes joying OBJ der good hef,
less dey is douting OBJ der word and makes
out as how dey is ailing anyhow. Now l
am nebber had no chills and l am not
gwine to say I is"
'sYou amt ?" admiringly inquired Jake;
'syou shure is a 'ception, den. is dun
shuck and stretch and shake till my t. 81
nifty nigh dun cum outen my head, and
tell you faint no fun nudder. Desc
here frings you call chills amt to be
sneezed at, nudder, kase it amt jis one OF
two and den stop, but one, den annudder
till on amt care much whedder you Liz
or die"
A few weeks later Uncle Jupiter, hap
pening to step into ''Black Bess's cabin,
found the halpless young woman sitting
over the fire shaking. Could it be posi-
BILE /! Yes, with chill.
'You is got it, is you? ?" exulting ex
claimed the old man show is yer Dragging
now? Pears as how you is dat stripe
arter all"
ooh, YES dat's it. Open yer mouf ant
cape. Oh, yes stretch out yer arms like
Yer was trying to reach to Baltermo.' Oh
yes knock yer teefs togedder jis like
old Dick knocks dem bones fur de
young foxes to dance. Oh, yes! You ii
got de symptoms ; les feel yer hans ant
see if your fever is Iiz. You needn't jerl
hack like I is pizen. I amt gin you d.
chills. No, my honey, 'dey is bred ant
born in der bones.
s'You can't 'scape 'em; you may boas
fur while, but chills am like DEF, dey il
gwine to sarch you out and dey is gwine tt
deg hangs on jis like dat yaller dog oil
mine holes on to de hogs in de corn field.
"Chile, you is nifty spiteful now, kas
you dun talk so big about quality foxes ant
der like, but all de same l is sorry for you
kase is bin all along dar.
"For few days l be feeling nifty bat
and monstrus lazy, den all OF suddint
feels stitch in de back. stitch in de siG'
and gins to gap 'casionally, den / get
sorter cold, den sort hot, den gins to shud
der and shake, my teef chatters, my heat
aches, my bones ache and dar it is, annudde
chill Amt dem de symptoms, honey?'
concluded the old man, going up to th'
girl and patting her on the head.
But ''Black Bess,' tried beyond endu
rance, hurls an offcast shoe at Uncle Jupi
ter, who manages to evade the blow ant
beats hasty retreat for the door.
"You is powerful cantankerons now
young 'oman," he shouted, when out o
harms way; 'but lay as how, when you
is dun bin shuck up by a dozen OF
more OBJ dem ayers, you is gwine to tam'
down little, my blessed chile, or my name
amt Jupiter. l amt wish you no harm
but you is met your match now. dar' am NJ
'sputing dat fac
1t is gwine to be many day fore yol
sets your arms akimbo and tells me as hov
you de amt sort to hab chills. Quality foke
or no quality foxes, dey is got you now ant
dey is gwine to try your mettle, young miss
fore dey let's you alone.
maybe dey will ben yer head a littl
and bring you down to de lebbel of odde
foxes. Good morning, sissie call ole Jup
tier eff you needs anybody to hep yo1
stretch. is a powerful ham for to he]
yudders in their stress. l shure is, and
kin gin you pull or two that will beat den
chills all ter pieces"