Weekly Chillicothe crisis., 1885-05-07

And Mrs. Briustcr was my Cousir
Maggie, and Major Brinstcr was my
Cousin Maggic's fate. " - GordOi
StaJ'CS.
A Detected Brother.
A S-cadrr from the country wa,
walking about in the rotunda of tn,
Palmer House the other day, hum
ming hymn and feeling bilious, when
his attention was attracted to Il man
with side whiSkcIs and Il look of woe
who was talking earnestly to 4
couple Of Others who looked solemn
enough to feel joyful at praycr-mcct-
ing, SO he edged up to get within reach
of their cheerful conversation, for he
longcd for the soothing companions
ship of those of kindred ways and
thought.
81 tell you, friends" SAID the
mournful man with the mutton-chops,
"wc'r9 doing a grand work; a glori.
Gus work, rs Deacon Pushcr would put
it. Why, sir, in my town the saloons
are Just about ready to shut up
The brother from the red gate al
ready felt the taste of mamma in his
mouth, and edged up little closer.
"That'S it, and we've done the same
thing said y wcak-cycd man with a
voice like agony in despair up to the
ormpits. "Why, sometimes IT'S all
you can do to get around without
stepping on the new beginners loun-
dcring about on the floor. tell YOU
they've all got to come to us. Every.
body is wild about it, and we're gath
cring them in right along, and some
Of the very best people in town, too.
You never saw anything wakcn up a
community like we've done. It's
grand
The brother with the buckskin nit
tens in his pocket set his teeth and
looked dolcful, but he felt awful good.
He would have struck up Il hymn
right away, but he wanted to hear
more, and lind out where the revival
could bo found. lie ycarncd to be
wrestling with them mOurncrs. So he
grOaned and took another step or two
forward.
Our case exactly" put in man
with an undcrlaker's placidity of
countcnance. "Tho past has been a
season of great profit to us, and all
this agitation they're getting up will
do us good; it will help the cause and
bring in people who wouldn't have
thought of coming near us if thore
hadn't been such stir kicked up
about IT.
The bucolic brother felt so joyful it
was all he could do to keep from pass.
ing around the hat. Some people
were down on shouting, and OF course
it raised Il stir in the community, and
the subject was agitatcd. He put n
hand over one ear, hltched up a little
closer, heaved deep sigh, looked SOL
emn, and felt tiplop.
"lcs, that's so,' said the chap with
the burnsidcs. But there's one thing
about it don't like
whats that?' quickly interrupted
the man with the burialpcrmit scrawl-
ed on his face.
That's what | want to know, too, ~
chlppcd in the one with the wall of
sorrow. "Whcn we are having every
thing our own way | don't sec why we
should complain or find fault. OF
course it amt pleasant to have all
kinds of people scratching around and
against you, and it's not the
most agreeable thing in the world to
have to catch u fat woman in time to
keep her from breaking limb"
"Or have another with breath
smelling Of onions hanging to you and
telling you all about her difficulties,
and how timid she is, and how much
she needs help, and all that sort of
thing" interrupted the one Of funeral
aspect.
The man in the background began
to feel Shaky about the dlsintorested
zeal of the other brethren, for he
knew how checrfully he wonld do all
that HIMSELF yea, more, for the good
of tho cause.
"But what is it you don't likc?" re-
sumed the weak-eyed one.
"Why, it's the opposition we're get
ting from the churches replied the
apparitlon of gloom with the whiskers,
81 don't like that, and I'm afraid ii
will soon begin to count against MS,
and hurt us like everything"
The brother with the mutton tallow
IN his vest pocket began to feel uneasy.
Had he struggled among the pickcts
of the Salvation Army, or only cncoun
tered a schism that could be endured
if it only made converts? 1t wouldn't
do to miss word now; so he smother.
ed groan, held his breath, and walk
ed up little closer.
sob, thundsration, man! it won't
do anything Of the kind" came from
the mcekcst man in the lot.
One doubt was dispelled. 1t wasn't
a Schism.
w'm not so darned sure of that, but
| don't know as | care cuss anyway.
The past has been kind to me-" MUIR
INJURED the one with the crap ish face.
The remaining doubt took wing.
They were not Salvationers. But who
in the name of clover bloom could they
beP
"Yes; and to me too," from the muf-
fled voice; $50 we won't bother about
it, or borrow any trouble on account
of the churches, But | say, what an
awful difference there is in feet, amt
thereP"
Heavens! They were footwashersl
The sweat came out and loosened the
grease in the detected brothers hair.
"Well, should say so. Before |
went into this rink business never
had any idea that it would take an
ordinary trunk under each foot to
give some women standing room. But
what was 1t the little governor said to
the big oneP"
Sure enough! I'll declare, this
business makes II fellow absent-mind-
ed" And the deceptive trio moved
toward the bottle department of the
caravansary.
The cat was out of the bag at last.
These sober visagcd men had in re-
ality been discussing nothing more
beneficial to the soul than roller skates.
The badly deceived brother moved
hastily and sadly away, and sat down
in corner by himself, to brood and
shake his head and wonder what the
world was coming to, - Chicago he,Iger.