davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
HUMOROUS.

When photographer ia the cXcr.
else OF his business, uses a black cloth.
does he do so i'm order TO make his
camera obscurag Puck.
-"IIow do poets livcP" asks an
anxious inquirer in an esteemed con.
temporary. Best if we know Some
of 'em work the frcc-luuch routes and
others saw wood. Phi adGiphjn Press.
a subscriber asks How old must
q person with a general talent bc be-
fore YOU deem him old enough TO bogin
studying the art OF music with sue
ccss?' The older the better. We have
heard people sing who ought TO have
postponed their musica! studies until
three or four years after their death. -
ETchnHge
A student in Instrumentation wishes
TO know on what instruments he should
score success. We should not advise
him TO begin with such an ambitious
work. Let his first work bc a score OF
simpler character a baseball score,
for example, would be striking" af-
fair. il he arranged IL i'm a modern
"pitch, and gave the conductor
chance 60 use his baton. ~ MusicdL
Hcruid
lfF hNkHT \ ilFIf ~ ~ tlDNI DffN~
liar odor. Judge. that issues from 10
crevicc in the bank near my house
think II is natural gas. Judge
why don't YOU test itP' 81 don't
know Of any convincing test" Touch
n lighted match 10 the crovicc But
II might explode and blow me up"
"Wcll great Scot do YOU want any
moro convincing proof than that?'--
IhHadciphta CiH
"Any quails about this neighbor-
hood"' inquired a tourist as hc was
about TO register a. Lake George ho-
tcl. "Quails!' said the proprietor with
an indulgcnt smile, they have cot to-
that be can { throw piece Of refuse
toast out Of the back window bat what
four on five fat quails fight to see which
one shall lie down on IT, Here Front.
show the gentleman 20 parlOr a.. ~
y Sun
A Scotch minister was once orr
dercd "bccf tea by h's physician. Tine
next day the patient complained that h.
made him sick. why. minister
said the doctor. T'll Try the tea
myself So. putting some in
skillet. he warmed it and told tho
IiIhiHNfi lN WIS tNtfIltiIa MAN.
said the minister. "is that the way ve
sup it?' what ither way should FL be-
supple It's excellent. ] say minister"
1T may be guide that way. doctor but
try 10 wi the cream and sugar. man.
try it wi that and then sec hoo Sc Ike
iti'
"It ism true. is t?' asked Rollo.
as nc finished reading "Ihc Pied Piper
Of Hamelin" ut isn't true that ho
could play on the pipe so that the rats
would go OH ond drown thomselves3'
"Wo'l, replied ROllo's father 81 don {
know about that 7 think t may be
true. Your Uncle George can play u,C
flute so that 10 viii scare COW into the
river and drive all the dogs iu the pre-
cinct hOwlng crazy Yes j guess lb5
poem is true So Aud Rollo Iuclo
George was so mad ho couIdnt see,
aud he held his paper straight in front
of h.m and read clear through one of
-am Jones sermons before hc found
Ju. that lt wasn't am account ID. tho
baseball game. Chtc0gO IrttHHs.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Sarah Rcrnhardt is said To have
earned $4,000 900 francs since She first
trod the stage.
Five daily papers in New York
have suspended publication since tho
LIST OF last January ~ y sun.
A solid family is that of the Mcssrs.
Gilbert. in Pottstown. Pa. where the
four brothers united weight Is l.l0o
pounds.
Extra Billy Smith. cx-Govornor
of Virginia, is ninety years old. Hs
lives in happiness upon the broad acres
of his farm near Warrcntown, Va
Henry Ward Boochcr saws that tho
first public address made bv him was
on temperance. at Brattlcboro. VI,
while he was n student at Amherst Col
loge.
j. :. McCalmonL the new Com
missioner of Customs at Philadelphia,
was born on the same day as General
Grant, and they were at West Point to-
gothcr.
Claimants of the authorship of tho
SAKE Holm stories are now confronted
by the positive assertion that they were
written by Mrs Helen Hunt Jackson.
who recently died. and who preferred
to rest her reputation on moro solid
works-M y Herdid
--"Unclo Toms Cabin" still con-
tinues one of the worlds books Its
popularity is undiminshcd. as is cv-
denccd by the fact that dollar edition
is soon Co be issued This price is far
below any at which the hook has hero.
toforo rctailcd, ~ j. independents
Conductor Ambrose and Miss Nam
cy A. Malone were married ON tho
train on tho LcwCcklcy branch of the
Pennsylvania Railroad Friday. the pas
sengers being the guests The train
was running at rapid rate of speed
during the ceremony. mtSbUrgh Post.
Miss Sarah Landrcau, who was
once tho rcigning belle of Savannah,
Ga, has for thirty-iive years lived
hermit life i'm log cabin near Fayctto-
vile, Ga, because of sappoiutmcnt
in love. She was TO have been married.
and the night of the wedding the groom
elOpcd with another woman. -- ST. LOUIS
Post
The story that Dr Newman re-.
ceivcd $40. 900 for participating in tho
funeral services of the son of cx-Gov-
ornor Stanford, of California. has been
denied. The Governor SAYS he paid
DIR. Newman nothing, and that hc il
under obligations TO the clergyman for
many kindly services and irue and
tactful sympathics. IN J. Hcra'd.
-"llugh Conway" now known
equally well 10y his name, f. j. Furgus,
was Bristol auctioncor, aud probably
few of his clients were aware that tho
gontlemanly, matier-of-fact man of
business, who conducted their sales or
valued their furniture for them. was tho
author of the graceful little poems and
clever sketches signed with that nom
lie plume which were TO be read i'm
magazines and newspapers. HarJord
Post
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
LIME KILN CLUB.

The Evil ETeots of Theories Upon Every
Day Affairs Practically Illustrated by
Brother Gardner.
"Am Kurnel Paradox johnson i'm de
hall dis eayenin'?' blandly inquired
Brother Gardner as the regular weekly
meeting opened on the forty-seveDth
degree. in due and regular shape.
The "Kurne' arose lie was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
that Canada thistlcs could be cultivated
to bear mustard plasters, and his
countenance now betrayed the fact that
he expected TO be- paticd on the back
aud ordered 10 take the stool Of honor,
under the Bear Trap,
"Kurnel johnson will please step dis
way" continued the President, and the
Kurncl advanced ~ the front, bestow-
ing "a look OF three-py contempt or
Hon. Erastus Furlong, as he passed
him.
"Brudder johnson" said the Presi-
dent, a the victim stood before him
with folded arms, i want to spoke 10
you in de plaincst Engl sh language
! Farm dat you hcy' invented the
ory?'
"Ycs. sab"
1T has bin a long Tins workin' up TO
climax. hasn't it''
Bout a Var, sab. ~
81 thought so. u was bout var
ago dat ! noticed you quit work. an
began 10 sot around on dc curhstono
You didn't cotch on 90 dis theory widout
a hard struggle did you?'
mo. sah.. II iist almoas' upset my
mind
II thought so / remember when
you gin mp dc curbstouc fur saloon So
ciciy. Later on you hogan 20 play
craps an policy. Towards de last
agony Of your struggle YOU begun 10
shake dice an buy lottery tickets ON de
money your wife Armed ai the wash
tub lnvcntn' a theory am powerful
hard work Budder johnson"
eyes. sab.
"lt am so hard dat your wife au'
chilPen am now bcogiu fur bread AM
ole clothes while You am in debt 10
everybody who'd trust YOU and your
landlord am gwino 70 frow YOU ont o
de house
1 is sorry, sab. bu, / couldn't
help &c."
"Brudder johnson" said the Presi-
don't in a voice which made Elder
Ioots shiver like faded burdOck Inn a
winters gale ~ want to say 10 YOU au
'o ail other members of dis club freu
you. dat no cu ia man Zoo America has
arY bilucss wild theory an original
theory If white folks has got time
nuii ap money nuu Co loaf around
and di-kiFor n 3oir own minds dat
de- moon am fJli OF iackasses which
gatlOp up and dOWT. or dat the NOrf
star contains % race Of people who walk
or der heads an feed dom elves wild
deir toes. dat all right DE problem
wild de GUILD man am. fust bread an'
butter -ccoud. house rent aud rairnput.
third. s.cn ,dd.cashuu as will enable
h.m and uis "a TO- write an receive let
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30

81 jackson. a colored granger. living
ON Onion Creek, was going about
grumblug and growing, when 10 oc-
CURED TO Macbeth Simmons. white
neighbor, to ask him what was the mat.
ter
obs heah am a nice rangeme nt wild
my mcwcl
What is the matter with your
mu ''
What dc matter? ] fcd hum cb.r,
day during de- whole ob last mumf
wncn ] didn { hab muffin Tor him ter do.
md he ate and ate, as much q, be-
wanted ter
We'll, what has he done?"
"Nhat has Doe done? Yesterday
mawnin' when { went ter de stable ter
horLcss him up and put him tor piow.n'.
dar ne was dead. sab Yes. dead as
Jupiter CWsar. sab Dat mewel has "a
gooo time oh &C. wouldn't mind be.
ul mewcl mysrf under dem ar'
au p.ces w. Ielas SyHHgs
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
BIRDS IN ARIZONA.
TIE shrCwd Manner in which the Road
Hummer Destroys Snskes.


Runner Destroys SnSkes.
Although not especially an onthusi-
ast in regard to birds, my attention has
been attracted to the great variety
here. Ono of the most remarkable
kinds is known hy the unpoctic title of
road-ruuuer. The name is certainly
well deserved "a il is vcritable tramp;
but unlike the human species of the
same profession, it is neither feared nor
dctcsted. On the coutrary, this
fcathcrcd tramp of the desert is re-.
specicd. and its person guarded. by all
classes. The Indians regard the bird as
sacred, and to iniure IL would bc
deemed sacrilogc. Its great popu aritv
is derived from its invctcrate hatred of
reptiles. on which it wages relentless
and successful war The rattlcsnake
and all other poisonous kinds are its
especial aversion. Its mode OF attack
on its enemy Is as peculiar as the dis
Ike 1t exhibits. Being ever on the
alert FOR conquest, il catches its game
mapping and seldom fails To secure
an easy victory The customary slcep-
ing hours of the snakes are when the
Scorching sun has rendered the rocks
and sand too hot 10 allow it To travel
with comfort. Seeing its victim i'm its
half-stupid coil from whence il is not
easily aroused, the bird commences
cutting oil twigs, of the most thornv
species OF cactus. which grows every
where IN protusion. When sufficient
number of limbs is secured. they are
rapidly carried and quietly dropped in
circle about the reptile This work
- inn -,
cred strong enough TO serve the intend.
cd purpose; and such is the dread of
the serpent for the sharp prickcrS on
the cactus limbs and leaves that il is
said TO prefer death from starvation
rather than to attempt 10 escape
through the circle OF thorns. which
bristle at 1t from every direction Al
though the snake is frequently known
TO die i'm these enclosures from heat and
famine il more frequently falls prey
to hawks and eagles who take adj
vantage of It's hclplessness and carry IL
oil In size the road runner is nearly
twice rs large n pigeon, is of dark
brow color, me lium legs. with strong
beak we'll adapted TO cutting off twigs,
and very long fan-likc tail. Unlike
the crow and some other birds who
perform a good service To the farmer
by destroying worms and bugs that
make inroads upon his crops, and then
turn and collect tribute, this serpent
hating bird asks nothing in return for
services. IL is no doubt conscious of
having done n good deed, and is salts
fed with having done its duty.
The large spotted mocking bird is al
so we'll represented among the feathcred
tribes that cOngregatc here. These and
whitc-tailcd pigeons are musical rivals,
and their musical concerts are contin-
nous through the day and night The
notes of the former however ere by far
the most musical. those of the pigeon
being more a wall than song Whv
so many beautiful birds should congre-
gate at such an uninvIting spot, where
timber and water are scare, and the
general means of subsistence apparent
ly meager, is a question for those
vcrscd in ornithology 20 eide. -H Hca-
chic (A. r. Cor ~ y POST
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30

ters; keep posted on current events;
hggcr mp how much weeks wages
comes to at a dollar day; realize dat
dc Atlantic am upon one side of uS an
de Pacific dc oddcr an hev lie sense to
20 To de polls and vote for honest de-
cent candidates shan't fine YOU, an
l doau' want to eXpel YOU. but YOU
will retire TO de antc-room with Give
adam Jones fur de space Of ten minits.
If YOU ho'd To any part cular theory
arter he gets frou wild you ii will be
sunthin YOU am pcrfcckly welcome to-
When the "kurnelN returned to the
hall after the proceedings he was u
changed man. Ono coat tail was on
tir'ly miS>in :. the other badly battered.
and his general appearance was that of a
man who had met the tail end of II cy-
clone IN country whore there WAS
nothing to hang 10. - Detroit Free Press
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
Valuable Parchment Manuscript.

I'm the Nieuna Hofbiblioihek there f.
parchment Ms written between Che
years ljl6aud 1918 Che private prayer
book Cf the Emperor Charles " H
bears the trace Of long usc. In one
place of thc book, the spot whore the
Emperor spccuclcs used tl uc Is
clearly marked. and in other places the
u8mes az some of hi, near relatives are
inscribed, as his Aunt Margaret the
G'cCtOr Joachim OF Braudcaburg and
other 10 is adorned with beautiful
n. natures by a Netherland sh artist
Tbs booS was formerly tine property oi
the dissolved Jesuit CrIicE. u Vienna
Nslstad. whore 30 had Oeyu kept since
lrsy. ~. T. iook
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
COUNTE EREEITS.
How They Arc Detected by tho Fair Em.
pioyos Of tho Redemption Division.

How They Arc Detected by tho Fair Em-
pioyos Of tho Redemption Division.
There is very large amount of coun-
tcrfelt paper aloat, and some of il finds
It's way to the Treasury, when il is dis.
covered in the Redemption Division IA
is here that all the money sent in from
outside sources is counted and exam.
ined The counting and sorting are
done by ladies, and they are the most
expert in the country. They can tell
counterfeit instinctively, with eyes open
or shut, and there is not bank cashier
III the United States, or even among the
large contingent now sOjournng in
Canada, who could compete with them
IN The matter OF determining counter
feits. They can tell spurious bill as
FAR as they can see IL, and the mere
handling Of the paper is enough for
them TO decide upon it, Qenuineness
The silk paper upon which Treasury
notes are printed can only be- made by
expensive machinery, aud il is felony
to even manufacture the blank paper
without due authority Under the cir
cumstances all cOunterfeits are printed
upon inferior paper, which lends this
u.
guido was once taking party Of Wis.
itor- through tho Redemption Division.
and was expatiating upon the expert
ness Of the fair money handler. in this
respect He sOlcmnly assured the party
that one Of the girls had detected n
counterfeit in the middle of pile Of
money six inches thick. by merely sec.
ing the thin edge Of iL This imaQin-
ative public servant hiss been dis
charged. but after all ~ was only an ex-
aggeratIon Of demonstrated fact To
stranger II seems more like diablcry
than the possession Of trained vision
and delicate sense Of touch i'm the de-
lection of cOunterfcits
These female experts receive seventy
five dollars q month for their service.
They do nothing but count from nine
in the morning until four in the after
noon, and their hands move with a
rapidity seldom nc luircd by the most
expert bank clcrk. Bui they make no
mistakes a miscOunt or counterfeit
overlooked comes ont Of the wages Of
the one maxim the error. and two or
three mistakes % month would wipe ont
n girl'- salary, ~ somc Of the bills
handled are very large The great
drawback Of the position i, the poison
absorbed by thc continuous h4ndlngof
money Tho backs OF all Treasury
notes arc printed with q pigment which
consists chiefly Of Paris green Small
particles Of This subsfanccare absorbed.
and in year CO. two tho girl who NAV
have entered Inc Treasury smooth
skinned and healthy finds herself "a vic
tim ~ Iassitudc. and with her hands
and face broken out in malignant sore.
Each emplOyc b. furnished with "a
.Ongc 20 mo stcu Che fingers while
oounuJg. a new one is supplied every
morning, and by evening its color win
have changed to a dul. black ly the .c-
zion Of the poison Notwithstanding
th.s drawback there IS never amy dili-
cfty in filling vacancies. Washington
letter.
a correspondent wants TO know II
bees ever lose their temper We can
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30

a correspondent wants to know II
bees ever lose their temper We can't
SAY out we are positive their sting
don g. bbrtHgt0H free FreSa
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30

BESIDES the above-named rains there is n
way Train with passenger car attachei that
goes both East and West daily except sunday.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30

Condensed timetable OF passenger trains
for the stations named below.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-10-30
A GIRL OF MINE.

She has hands both soft and white.
Eyes OF blue 50 very bright
That they sparkle In the n ght.
When She laughs the muse sWvlls,
Like a symphony OF bells,
ON the brooklets i'm the dellS.
But sweeter charm than this
You are huShc, with holy bliss
When she deigns TO give kiss.
And the pretty little fay
Says she loves me every day.
In the most delightful way
fhough my darling 3 very bold.
Irudes' IN sure, could never Scold:
She my baby-two years old.
Leu ldndcrpor. u Ipd.Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-06-27

Many ignorant people refuse to
permit ivy and woodbine to clamb-
or over brick buildings. in the be-
lief that it's presence renders tie
walls damp and creates unhealthi-
ness. The opposite is true. These
vines absorb all moisture there is
in the bricks and mortar. and the
pressure of the foliage acts as a
shield. turning severe driving rails
away from the walls. The vines
derive most OF the sustenance from
the ground. and do not give out
moisture froln the rootlets that
cling to the wall.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-06-27
THE POLL TAX, AND HOW
COLLECTED.

The Minden Tribune Democro.
says:
Several gentlemen interested in
the public schools of this parish
have asked US If there was no way
provided by law to enforce the pay.
ment Of the poll tax.
Sec. 81. of Act sc. OF 1882, seems
to have been intended especially
for that purpose. It reads az fol-
lows:
"Be Il enacted, etc., That the Tax
Collector or Sheriff is authorized
to sell any growing or gathered
crops. or shares therein; and to
proceed in the courts to procure
the garnishment Of any salary,
compensation, or reward for per.
sonsl services. or of any obliga-
tons. rights. credits or debts, due
to the tax debtor. or in any form
whatever. whenever euch seizurs or
garnishment may be necessary TO
collect the taxes assessed; aud no
deposit or security for costs shall
be required in such cases"
This clause gives ample power
to enforce the payment of the poll
tax in most cases. It gives the
right to garnishee wages or salary.
or debt of any sort.
We hope the Sheriff will execute
this law this fall without favor or
affection, for the present year and
three years back taxes.
Every man is in honor bound to
pay the lawful tax assessed against
him. It is q debt he owes his
country. for the protection afford
ed him by law.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-06-27

From the Pittsburgh Dispatch, Sept. 1th, lsea
avery seldom do we read Of an actual
case of recovery. where hope had alto
gether been lost, to parallel that which
was Monday Investigated by . Dispatch
reporter, who had heard in VARIOUS quar-
tiers persons talking to their friends of =
cure, seemingly little short Of marvellous.
that had been performed. The plain facts
in the case referred to, without exaggera-
ton, are these, as they were learned from
the mother of the young man, his pastor
and other persons well known in the COM
munity:
"William Lincoln Curtis is the name
of the young man in question. He u now
employed at II. X. Porter & Co.'s loco
motive works in Pittsburgh, Pa. A year
ago he resided with his mother on Grant
street. About that time he went to bed
one evening with violent pain in his
shoulder, the result, he thought, Of cold.
the next morning the shoulder was
greatly swollen, the pain was intense, and
aches were felt all through his system.
His case was speedily developed into q
violent form of chronic rheumatism,
among the first notable features of which
was the paralysis of his left arm.
"He gradually grew worse, and in few
months the elbow and knee joints and
both ankles became enormously enlarged.
In March last the cheek bones began to
enlarge, and upon his left side particu-
larly, spreading his face out Of all resem-
blance to his former SELF The pain in all
his joints became intense fever, with its
deteriorating effects, was now added, and
he became rapidly reduced to the semblance of
Q skeleton. while vitality reached its lowest
possible condition, and his suferings were of
such an Undesirable character that those who
most loved him sometimes thought it would be
better If he was called away. At this time
physicians well known in Pittsburgh informed
his parents that they could give no hopes Of
recovery.
that wonderful medicine, PasuNA. In two
weeks quite a change for the better, was per-
eeptible. In six weeks all the enlargement had
been reduced completely, while in spirits and
strength the patient was quite rs well rs he had
ever been in his life. Nearly three weeks ago
he resumed work n a machinist at his old place,
able to perform much labor a. ever in his life.
"The mother of Willie Curtis, in stating all
these facts, said Indeed, can not look upon
the cure much less than q miracle. do not
hesitate in sounding the praise of PERuNA, and
The pastor Of the church where the young
man attended Sabbath school was visited, and
he readily confirmed the facts of the deformed
bones, the emaciated condition from disease,
and Of the doctors having given him up. He
was greatly surprised at his improved condition.
S lid he, IF he had not spoken, would not
have known him.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-06-27
" ARRIED.

Observation-Disclosures,
June %, 1885, at Madisonville, La, by
r. E. Terrell, J. p. w. H. Davenport, Of
Covington. aud Miss Jennie Cooper,
Of jacksonville.
We acknowledge the receipt OF
some of the brides cake, and ex-
tend our congratulations to the
happy couple. and wish them a full
measure of joy in their journey
through life.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Bayou La
combe. Thursday, June Is. 1885, at the
residence Of the brides parents. by ALI
g. Tucker, J. p, Christovel G. Mitchell
and Sarah N. Lloyd, eldest daughter of
Jacob Lloyd.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-06-27

A vicious nightmare" got on
the rampage in the East End, last
Monday night, and tried to throw q
young man out of s second-story
window. The fierce struggle that
ensued aroused the family. who
at once gave the alarm. Deputy
Sheriff Doyle hastened to the res
cue, but before his arrival the
"spook" few up the chimney.
mounted a broom stick, and sailed
away in the direction Of the swamp.
The young man had q narrow &C.
cape. We learn that he has since
nailed . horse shoe at the head of
his bed. and now sleeps the sleep
of the innocent.