The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-03-21
HARD USAGE OF A STAGE
 CRITIC.

Douglas Jerrold's Stage "Reminiscences
 Gauntwolf, how dye do r' cried Kelly "Your girl played in The Inconstant divinely looked lovely, too, and SO have said-and in pretty strong terms, believe. Stop till I've written Mother Give down, and then"
 My dear sir," cried Gauntwolf, seizing Kelly's hand, and smiling hideously, "you make me, indeed, happy father. As for other critics, MT. Kelly, value them, say what they will, as so many gnats. But you, sir what you say should be written in letters of goldp Now, as Mir. Kelly was very often feed for what he wrote, many of his kind words may really be said to have been registered in that precious material.
 "Yes, yes, speak out-I give 'em plain English. Pm just finishing here another bunch of nettles for Mother Give. I'll blister her." cried the critic, with look of manly triumph.
 Pon my word, now," said Gauntwolf wi.h the co ompassionate air of hangman, "you'll kill that poor woman-you will, indeed. l know she hasn't slept since your last attack"
 "She shall never sleep again, sir never. have said it , and the magnan- imous Kelly smote the table with his fist ," Oh, what, you've brought it at last, have ye" said the critic to the waiter, who appeared with large replenished ink stand. "Now, remember, sir, that al- ways have plenty of ink-a sea of it. When a mans thoughts are pouring from him, to be diving and diving for drop of ink tis-"
 How you ever get your thoughts down." said the courteous Gauntwolf, "I can't think they do seem to come upon you in such flood. Waiter, glass of brandy. May be allowed the honor, MT. Kelly~
 "Thank ye," responded the critic, not at present. A little too carly" and he addressed himself to his declared task-that of growing nettles upon paper for the doomed Mrs. Give. In a few minutes Moody, of Drury Lane, entered. Kelly looked up then immediately fixed his eyes upon the paper, MT. Moody, possibly from certain roughness of manner that belonged to him, not being among the stage favorites of the critic. Moody, lowing recognition to several in the room, walked up to Kelly, and laying his hand upon the critics shoulder, said One word, yes or mo-" Suddenly Mir. Kelly looked serious. Moody, in the most leisurely manner, took newspaper from his pocket, and pointing to para graph, asked, Is this your work P"
 never eat my words," cried Kelly, rising, and assuming big look; "they are mine"
 "A foul, low, personal calumny on Mrs. Give. Now, Mir. Kelly" and Moody grasped cane with a significance that attracted Mir Kelly's eye, you deny this private islander, or"
 "l beg leave to repeat" cried the critic, beginning to tremble, and his eye still playing about the stick-" beg leave to say that cannot eat my words ,
 "Very well," answered Moody [" the stars forbid that should force gentle man against his taste But tell you this, MT. Kelly" and the actor raised his voice and his stick, too-"if you won't eat your words, you shall drink what your words are written in-before this good company, too-drink it to the health and long life of Mrs. Give, or there isn't a bone in your skin that shan't want a sep arate surgeon"
 What-what, sir-what do you mean ?" stammered Kelly.
 "Come, I'll be your cup-bearer, for once," said Moody, presenting the brim- ming inkstand to Kelly you shall empty this-it can't hurt you-for, though i, may be poison to the peace of innocent women, you live upon it. Drink 1" roared Moody; and striking his cane violently upon the ground, he at the same time forced the inkstand between the fingers of the slanderer.
 Mir. Hugh Kelly, who dealt out life and death from his goose quill-he who could crush any man with the thunder stroke of his pen-looked appealingly about the room. Many familiar faces were there; but in no one of them did he see the least promise of assistance. On the contrary, there were not a few which indicated . mingled qualification and curiosity. And then the horrible Moody stood and shook his cane, Drink p again roared the actor.
 "Mr. Moody" said Kelly, "you have injured me by vile aspersion. You have been pleased to say that live upon venomous ink. Now, sir, to show to the world, and to confound you with the truth, l will prove that there is no poison in my ink-by immediately drinking it." Saying this, and shutting his eyes, Kelly emr.ied the ;nks.and, 6iled 90 lately, h. his express order, to the brim. Some of the company laughed, and others cried, "bravop r at the feat. "There," said Kelly, pale in the face and shuddering-- @no man, ] think, would drink poison in that way"
 Moody glanced at the critic with the deepest contempt, and then burst into laughter. Here" he said to the waiter. at the same time throwing crown upon the table, alet Mir. Kelly have some brandy to wash his mouth with and I pope, aieer this, he'll keep 1t the cleaner for the future"
 Alonzo,r asks for "cure for iove.~ Marriage, Alonso = marriage.-Ncvyis-