The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-07-11
THE ALMANAC COAT.

q wonderful Garment That VIII Fore
tell the Weather and Keep Away the
Cholera.
Herman" said Honfenstein. as he
entered tie store and hung his hat on
nail, Il hat shust had big SURPRISE,
you know"
How vas dat, Misder HoffensteinP"
inquired Herman, noticing that the old
man was in good humor.
well, you see, goes up init de ex-
position dis morning, ind vat you dink,
7 meets Jake Loewenburg und Solomon
Myers, vat vas old frents uf mine in
sVicksburg twenty-five years ago. LOe-
iwenburgh vas at de EXPOSITION as Won
uf dose Turks, und vas selling beads
und oder leedle dings, und Myers told
me dat he vas dere as an Egyptian, ind
vas making blenty uf money. Veil, ven
l sees dose fellows it takes my breath
right away, because l dinks dey vas
dead. Myers broder Jake vas counting
my wife Leah at de same time vas, und
We vas great frents. Myers dells me
dat Jake failed in pisness at Leedle
Rock a short vile ago und vas doing
veil, because he fails on Won side uf his
store und runs de oder"
Hoffenstein smiled pleasantly at the
idea, and walked to the door and looked
down the street, and as he did so Gus
toner came in.
Vat can l do for you, my frent?" he
inquired.
Il want to get good coat. but one
ftrtf iS cham I'm 70 onA m,
for comfort more than do for style"
You vos right about dot, my trent,
and l drinks dot | can fit you mid a
good article at an easy brice. Now,
here vos coat for eight dollars, vich is
de very ding you vant," and he pulled
a coat out of pile of rather tough
looking clothing.
The customer commenced TO examine
it, but suddenly lifted his nose and ex-
claimed: ''Whew by lingo! there is a
last years smell about this coat that is
not pleasant What have you been
doing with itr'
Il knew you vos going to say dot"
said Hotfenstein, in a nonchalant way.
'All OF my customers say dot ven dey
look at de coat, because dey don t
know dot it vas one uf dose almanac,
disinfecting coats vich hat shust been
put on de market not more as dree
months ago. De coat vat you hat in
your hand vas soaked in de WOOL factory
we're it vas made NIT preparation ex-
hressly for de purpose of keeping de
cholera away, und my brdder vot Ifs in
Europe writes me last week dot de
Prussian Government won't let de people
wear any oder kind, so dot if de cholera
comes along dey viii keep helty, you
know. Herman, look in my desk und
get my bruder Ikes letter, vich We
shows de gentleman. No, nefer mind,
forget dot leaves dot letter NIT my
wife dis morning. Ny trent. dot coat
vas better for de cholera den all de
doctors und de medicine vot you can
hat, und de smell uf de preparation
| goes right away ven you goes out NIT
de air. Put on de coat, my trent, und
We sees how it fits, you know"
The customer did so, and surveyed
first one side of himself and then the
other by the aid of the dingy mirror in
the rear end of the store.
"Why do you call it an almanac
coatP" asked the customer, who was
rather pleased with the cut of the coat
because it vos made EXPRESSLY for
gentlemen vot Ifs on farm, und il will
dell you how de yedah will pc, und vot
to do to save your crop, You see de
changes in de vedder hat de same effect
on dot coat as dey hat on so much quick
silver, und vos dwice so much more re-
liable. Ven you see de coat commence
to turn red around de collar it vas a
sign dat dere is full moon and it vas
time to blant vatermelons, und ven de
tail of de coat shrinks und de buttons
on it 60 half way up your back shust
look out for bad vet vedder, und don
pull fodder, you know. Ven de buttons
drop den you know dat &c vedder will
be fine und can act accordingly. You
dake my advice ind buy dot coat. und
you will find dot you makes better crops
den any Won we're YOU Ifs. "
The customer appeared to be satisfied,
and after purchasing the coat and leav-
ing the store, Hoifenstein said: Her.
man, | vas shust blinking de oder day
dat would gif dat old job lot away to
some orphan asylum, because it has
been in de stock efer since de var und
it schmells de whole store up. | dink
We better keep it vile longer ind work
it off NIT the almanac scheme and
again he walked to the door in hope that
another customer would come inn. q.
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