Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1885-10-30
A vERACIOus REPORTER.

+ 4 VERACIOuS REPORTER.
How Matters Would Appear whea TOLD
By . Trathfal Scribe.
Butte Town ralh.l
The Town Talk in common with
all Of the newspaper world, has to
stretch its conscience largely in its
comments upon persons, events and
things in general. This mild prevari.
cation is necessary to keep the scribe's
hide whole, for no matter how execra.
bic performance may be or how
tough citizen, the journalist must
palaver it to him or her al over with
soft soap, and exhaust all tho adiec.
tive' At his command in doing it. Just
suppose now that the overworked con.
science refused to lie, but told the
facts just as they appear to the aver.
age mortal-what circus there would
be! Gentle reader, how long would
reporter last who wrote after the
following off.hsnd 'rsportorial st, leY
Wouldn't his longevity and lease Of
life depend solely upon his speed and
wind? just suppose the paper spark
led with something like what follows:
Blogs ears need ree6ng. He looks
like a flying machine.
1t old Twilight paid his debts his
wife couldn't wear silks and ribbons.
Uriah Vixey is All old gas.bag. He
never did a days work in his life.
Munnyites goes to church Sunday
and robs all the week. He's a nice
dose.
That old hussy, Mrs. Crookspindle,
goes to the rink every night expect.
ing to make mash.
Mrs. Tangletop is AZ years old, if
she is day. Her "get.up" deceives
none but herself.
Why does Billy Blunkem stay so
late at Granite street residence whom
the old man is away?
When Tom Willups saw Miss Dudley
smile on him he Immediately took out
an accident policy.
Turf loves to hear himself talk.
When he commences everybody else
gets away as soon as possible.
koff has as much style as a mule.
Everybody hates to sec him put his
forepaws on the dinner.table.
Clog thinks he can sing, when we
all know his voice is worse than fog
horn. Somebody smother him quick.
Jebnny Swellhead just thinks he
is the handsomest man in the city.
He should pare his feet and wear
smaller shoes.
The branding iron of Jake Sw,l.
kins is entirely too numerous among
his neighbors' cattle. Judge Lynch
has hung many better men.
Maggins' feet are Big enough for
hay presses, yet he tries to get on Gs.
The shoeman sells him 9s and he cant
tell the difference.
Duff has worms brought on by buy.
ing too much candy for his girl and
then helping her eat it--taking all
but a few samples himself.
Gogg has skipped-or at least he
tried to. He got as far as Dillon
when telegram from the sheriff
made him punglc to satisfy creditors.
If We could buy Nogg for what he
is actually worth and sell him for what
he thinks he is worth, Mackay would
be a pauper compared to US.
Negg starves his family in order to
get money to spend for whisky. IIs
also licked his poor, hard. working
wife nearly to death yesterday while
drunk as loon.
Hogge changes his shirt seminar
nually-4th of July and Christmas.
1t then badly needs disinfecting. He
was never known to take a bath be-
low his shirt collar.
Bluff has bilked everybody here
who would trust him and now goes to
other fields to try and bum a living
without working. He's daisy tinan-
cier, is Bluff.
Everybody except Logg knows he
i. blank fool. Nature kindly filled
the vacuum in lis Uranium with self.
conceit and he basks in his own good
opinions constantly.
Jogg sold his vote for four bits and
a drink Of rot-gut. 1t was dear at
any price, but an ardent partisan
wanted to do something and reck-
lessly bought him at his own price.