Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-01
BRIGHT BITS.

AN actress always begins to regard herself
as pGSSe after she begins to make birthday
presents to her grandchildren PbilddelDbtd
Call.
VISITOR at country house-"By the bye,you
didn't know who | was this morning, MAT
gueriteU Small daughter of the house-"No;
who were youY-Funch.
AN excellent authority gives the want of
sleep as one of the great causes of lunacy.
The way to stop lunacy, therefore, would be
to kill of the cats PhiladelDhiG eau.
SAMPLE of Cockney wit: Why is a ghost
up tree like man eating his dinner? Be
cause he's goblin up the hash This has been
successfully administered to a dozen American
cltlzens without any evil c0nseQuences.-SdR
Francisco NeUs- Letter.
"DOCToR! Im worried about my husband !
Do YOU think him seriously ill?''
"IO the best OF my judgment, madam, he is
suffering from gas rltls."
Il knew 1t. told him his trouble was from
tooling with that gas metre yesterday."-
YonkerS Gazette.
IT is now claimed that Riel is an American,
and made political speeches n Montana last
year for the Republicans. This will no doubt
determine the Cauadans what disposition TO
make of the captured rebel. They Will IRE
move" him for offensive partisanshp.'-
NorriStolo1 Herald
A GENTLEMAN came home in the "wee sma'
hours ayOnt the twal," at the South End re-
CcuktA4 anu was pTlbtu 10 Unl HIS WIG ClAu
in black. why are you wearing these mourn
ing garmentsP' he said. someW b at unsteadilv.
''For my late husband" was the significant
reply. He has been in the house at 10 ever
snce.-BostoR Budget.
AN Irishman tried to shoot sparrow with
an old Queen Aane musket. He fired. The
bird. with chirp or two, flew away uncon-
cerned in the foreground, and Pat was swiftly
and nOiselessly lald on his spine in the back
ground: Picking himself up, and shaking his
Rat ut ba nd hsa vol OH Pc ia
wouldn't q chirped if you'd been at this end of
the gun"
II Amt got no use for Mr.. Jackson" said
old Patterson. ''Why?" BEAT me Outen )
cents" "Did, eh?" Yes. sab. ] seed his
vest hangin' on de fence an sarched de peck
cts an fOun' whit l thought wuz er quarter,
but it want nuthin' but one o. desc heah
2O-cent pieces. Eff dat man hader been homes
he wouldn ter fooled me in dat way. / amt
got no use for I'D rkGnSd1o IrdUsler.
THE METROPOLIS OF THE UNITED STATES
You are just from the city the pride of the
land,
Where everything great has its birth,
Where Liberty soon with a torch in her hand
Will stand 10 enlighten the earth.
How are houses and rents in the city my
friend,
That wears the imperial CROWN"
"Well, this. way-the rents are arranged to
ascend,
While the houses are built to come down"
-Eschange.
'MoTHER, can't go out and playG" asked a
little boy.
''No, my SON" che answered; "you Will get
your clothes dirty"
''Is the Lord coming to-day?"
81 don't know" SAID his mother, she may
come"
Don't they have any dirt in heaven for
little boys to play in?"
"No, my SON.
"What do little boys do thereg
"rhey sing songs and play under the trees, ~
answered his mother.
"Well, mother, how do they have any trees
II they don't have any dirt?'-Battimor,
A DtericdR.
BULLS, BEARS AND LAMBS
t lie who carries loads Of stocks
In his safe or in his box,
And to hold them has the rocks,
That's a bull.
He who sells what he has not
Knocks the prices cold or hot
Hopes the world will go to pot,
That's bear.
He who comes down every day,
Hits the market any way,
Lies IN wait for guileess prey,
That's a broker.
He of cheek and quite a fop,
Wages small, high life can't stop,
Blows his dust into bucket shop,
That's clerk.
Mr. Fresh (the silly "hlokerD.
Who does his cash in Wall street soak
And goes home later, fiat dead broke,
That's a lamb.
--FjaGRcidl Journal.