The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-16
The New Musical Critic.
 tRxchan0el

The new musical critic of the Cyag- berry CIaries was great card. No body who gazed upon. his gossamer limbs, his spectacled orbs, or the airline crease which divided the hyacinthe locks into equasections on either side of his bulging brow, could doubt this for an in- stant. The managing editor, an earthly creature, however, had his doubts about the ethereal young man, but, as the muslc critic had come well recommended, the managing editor stifed his doubts, and showed the young man to his desk. The first job the young man was given was to do the opera on the opening night. He sallied forth in evening dress with full score under his arm, and his ear bulging with melodious anticipations. Returning, and having finished his crit- ique, he took it to the managing editor. who bade him sit down and read the stuff aloud. The young mans soul was terri biy shocked that his splendid compos;- tion should be called "stuff" However, he began, with as good grace as he could under the circumstances, as follows {: "The tuneful sweetness of the maestro's eAef- q gNvye was never interpreted with more engaging esb,if de eorbs than by the artists in this melodioHs aggregation. The chromatic tints were laid on with prodigality of fervor that sublimated the appcggiatura and apotheosized the con- trapuntal tone.waves-"
 "Hold upi" exclaimed the managing editor. "What do you mean by all that p
 "Mean P calculated the musical critic. "How do you suppose know2 Eve done work for the great dailies, and mo- body ever asked what meant. Shall go on?"
 The managing eo.tor nodded, and the young man proceeded, land apotheosized the contrapuntal tone-waves with dynam. ic expulsion. Signora Screecho9l, the pfimest prima donna, was in her best voice, improved as it was by a slightly catarrhal shading, which eradicated those incisive murmurs which tickle only the ears of the amateur lover of the warbling muse. Her embonpoint was grandly effective, and no words can hope to de- pict the cataclysmic effort of her dolce Jar nfenke in the bravura passage in the seventh bar"
 q can't make it out bit," sadly mur- mured the managing editor "but as you have worked on the great dailies sup pose it's all right"
 The young man said "Yes," and went on, "Signor Macaroni, the tenor assoluta, attacked with consummate aplomb, ad- vaaced in column by division, closed in mass, and carried the work of the great maestro by an adroit movement in eche. lon."
 "Was there battle-scene in the opera?' innocently inquired the managing editor.
 "Battle-scenep exclaimed the young man, contemptuously. "No, sir, no bat tie or other than the forceful conflict of lyrical acoustics"
 "Ah P said the managing editor, q undeista Proceed"
 "But the climax of mellihuous grand eur was attained when Idle. Lotoni, the ultracontralto, entered the lists. The coolish freshness of her tuneful tongue was something astounding in its casta- divan effects. The chiaroscuro of her andante adagio was complemented per fectly by the middle distance of her ada gio-andante, and the two achievements together coruscated through the house with all the grace and witchery oi the gemini of astronomical familiarity"
 "I guess that will do," said the man. aging editor. q don't care to hear any more tonight. Pm not feeling very we'll, and few more lines might send me into brain fever. Your critique is splendid one-the best by far ever heard, of the kind"