Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-08-01
AWFUL NICE PLACES.
the Mysteries, MIseries, and Delights Of the
Consular Service.

the Mysteries, Miseries, and Delights Of the
Consular Service.
"Funl" exclaimed the old diplomat,
as he threw himself into an easy-chair
at his cozy rooms on X street last
night. "If you want fun, get the con-
sulship at Malta. There's one spot
where a man can grow rich abroad on
$1,000 year. And as fol amusements
you will be simply crowded to death.
| Everybody on the island works and
slaves at least sixteen hours day, and
he is fortunate indeed who counts his
weekly stipend at S1.50. There never
has been a theatre or a circus or a
secular holiday in Malta, and the pop
ular amusement is confined to fiesta
days, when the people congregate in
one place and make themselves sick
on pink candy. In the evening, when
the hot, blistering sun goes down, you
can 90 up to the basin, where the sea
leaves a placid pool in the rocks, and
indulge in the giddy dissipation of a
bath. O yes, 60 to Malta and get rich.
/ You can live there in splendOr for $5
a week, but at the end of four years
you won't know whether you are q
catamarau or blind fish. If that
don't suit you, try Jerusalem. It's a
great place for excitement, and after
! a years trial, if you scrape together
enough energy to write a four-page
, report to the state department I'll eat
emy head. There is but one redeeming
feature about Jerusalem-plenty of
olives. And as for oranges, there is
no place in the world where they
grow so large. Jerusalem is a splen-
did town In which to study the an
tique, aud consul always gets rich
there on $1,000 a wear; but the first
consul became covetous and induced
congress to indulge in the extrava-
gance of raising his wages to $4,000.
"Do you like musicP Then get the
commercial agency at Swansea, where
the slate-quarrymen, the miners, and
the day laborers are all professional
singers. Why, sir, at the last grand
eistedfodd the laurels were carried
away, not by the trained choirs of Lon
don, but by chorus of rough Welsh
quarrymen. Sing? Why, they sing
/ the roofs off the houses, and every
! house on the downs and in the crags
contains nightingale and harmon
, lea. Down in the Penrhyn quarry the
universal occupation of the quarrymen
off work is singing, and the men have
excellent voices. If you don't like
music, try Welsh laborer on theOl-
ogy. He is generally non-conform-
ist, and the only way l ever found to
stop his religious discourse was to take
him over to the Monmouth district,
thereby evading the Sunday law, and
fill him up with beer. In the Welsh
country, printers on night work get
1912 a week, and on day work S7.53;
shipwrights get 50, boiler-makers
about the same, and the whole range
of mechanical skill is fashioned on the
general basis of 80 a week. There
fore 60 to Wales. You may not have
much amusement, but you'll get
gold mine of experience.
Then there is Dundee, in Scotland.
Everybody drinks in that sin-cursed
town, and it is stated that its popula-
ton of 142, 951 souls annually expend
81 500, 900 for spirits and beer. Dun
dee, you know, Is the birthplace of
Hector Bruce, the historian; Halibur-
1
fcss the reformed religion in Scotland,
and Ferguson, the poet. But il these
worthless could come back to earth
they wouldn't own Dundee. The city
to-day has $500 houses of only one
room each, in which there is a popula-
tion of $3.50, and 16,987 houses of
two rooms each, into which are crowd
cd 74,374 men, women and children.
| If to these be added the three-rOom
houses, with the people living in them,
it shows that 118,000 of the 140, 600 IN
habirants of Dundee live in houses of
one or three rooms. Poverty and
misery abound, and yet it is the prin-
cipal seat of linen manufacturers, and
is an important center for sugar refin-
ing, working gin-iron. and ship.
ing. Dundee is the saddest place to
me on earth. Malta is a Cremorne
garden of delights beside that city.
But must say for the wealthy citi-
zens of Dundee that they have spent
and are spending millions of money in
educational, charitable, and eleemosy-
nary institutions, great parks, and
magnificent churches. ...- 20.
s'Then there is Bor deaux. Now, If
you want to lead a giddy, wild lfe,
that's just the place for you. Bordeaux
is one of the most HourIshing cities in
Europe in point of industry, COM
merce, and the cultivation of the arts
and sciences. That's what the guide
book says, but, when you slit it right
down. its principal business is making
wines and brandy aud exporting fruit.
1t contains the immense theater built
by Louis XVI, seating four thousand
people. The poorer classes are gay
and festive, and die young. Every
workingman in Bordeaux has a COM
mendlble vanity for fine clothes, gen.
orally deemed incomplete without a
pair of high boots and a watch
chain and locket of gilt metal. The
) great tobacco mandatory, the gun
powder mills, the saltpeter refinery,
and the shoe factory there are owned
by the government, which takes ex-
cellent care of Its employees. There
are 81, 900 female latorers in Bordeaux,
and it can truthfullv be said that q
majority of the unmarried women
there are indiscreet, and careless of
their reputation. There are 1000