The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
.MYNEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.
aow She Often drops In" and
What q Nuisance She Ia.
"Over the garden wall"

"Over the garden wall"
I have the misfortune of being per-
sonally acquainted with my next-door
ueighbors.
Mr.. Platitude is comparatively harm
less, but Mrs. Platitude is a perfect
nuisance. She is perfectly idle herself.
and she cannot get it through her head
that anyone else has anything to do.
She comes in to visit mt at all hours. l
can't saw, mot at home" to her, for I
never go out or come in without her
knowledge. 1t is no use to say l am
engaged, for she comes in all the same.
always on the plea that she wants
particularly to see me, and will not de-
tain me five minutes, but she forgets all
about that once she gets hold of me.
She always opens her visits by saying,
81 Just dropped in" and a very big
''drop in" she is. l am sure she does
not weigh less than one hundred and
eighty. And how she talks. She al
ways hlONS a SlCdt uCsi AlOAC VI NY
business than l know myself.
She generally 'drops in" to tell me
that my cook handed a parcel, early in
the morning, to the milkman; that my
Emma Jane was romping in the back
yard with the bakers boy, or that she
thinks it right to tell me that the
butcher stays a very long time in the
house when he calls for orders, and
what do 1 think of that? And do l
know. that though she has q larger
household than l, she only takes in half
rs much ice as l do, and don't 1 think
my servants must waste it? And am l
sure that l keep my house warm
enough, for l use far less coal than she
does. And what do l think of my
Emma Jane telling her Kate that I
was a tiresome old maid, and that no
one could live with me. And then
she generally wants to know who
was the gentleman who called yester-
day afternoon, or whose carriage stood
so long ut the door. or where / spent
the whole day? Then she offers me
matronly advice. saying. that living
alone as l do. l should not receive gem
tlemen's visits without sending in for
her Ito make it pleasant for me-"
She always either drops in" when I
have n visitor, or ONE in the moment
/ am alone, to account for her non-ap-
pearance. l had Il great joke the other
day, and myStiiied my friends most
beautifully. l had been having some
curtains dyed, and the dyer, a jOcOse
young man. called around with the bill.
OF course when he rang. Mrs. Plati-
tude trotted up the steps after him and
saw him hand Emma Jane a slip of
paper, and heard him say: II dye for
your mistress. Give her that. She
knows all about it." l heard it, too,
SO l bid Emma Jane show the young
man into the front parlor, and tell Mrs.
Platitude l was cry much engaged,
and positively could not see her. l
paid the young mans bill and let him
90, and have been very silent and mys-
terious on the subject ever since. Mrs.
Platitude thinks that / have made a
mash, and has not neglected to express
her opinion. and spread the news far
and Kate vainly tries 20 make Emma
Jane tell her. but poor Emma Jane
really does not know the facts. But
yesterday Mrs. Platitude had full re-
vengc.
My parlor is a very pretty room, and
] am very proud of it. l spent all last
winter working new chair cover for it.
These We're made of Roman satin and
elegantly embroidered. They all came
from the upliolStrrerS yesterday morn
ing. and they looked simply quite
perfect. l had them unpacked
in my little back parlor. which is q
very small room. and barely held them.
While l WAS gazing fondly at them. a
flood of soOty. grimy water suddenly
rushed down the chimney and saturated
three of my prettiest chairs, and
splashed all the rest. till they looked as
if they had been covered with a Chin
ney Sweeper's apron.
Emma Jane, Emma janet" l
screamed, and began to haul out the
chairs. but it was too late, they were
all spoiled. That tiresome Mrs. Plat
itude had. or fancied she had, a fire in
her kitchen chimney. So she got that
idiot of a maid of hers to pour water
down, and she. of course, sent it down
some other tlYe which connected with
my back parlor, and spoiled my lovely
chairs. OF course, Mrs. Platitude
dropped in before l half time to re-
cover my temper. and equally, of
course. | went for her.
/ think / frightened her, for she
dropped out very quietly, but that
won't make my chairs clean again. l
see nothing for it, but to cover them in
chintz, Just As l had them before, but l
never will bear tc look at my lovely
Roman satin covers again.
There are really no bounds to the
stupidity of Mrs. Piatitude. l have to
blame my little alarm clock for the
fact that l made acquaintance with
her. wanted to get up very early one
morning, so l brought my little alarm
up to nv room. In the course of the
day Mrs. Platitude sent in to ask me
would l object TO keep my pet rooster
in a back room. rs the Growing dis
turbed her in the morning.
When Emma Jane brought me the
message, l really thought Ihad a luna
tic for my next door neighbOr. / am
tOhu Va PClS. Uul Al loOStCt III NV USSt
bedroom! 1t was too much. l did
not know Mrs. Platitude then. and l
felt quite mortified that any one should
fancy such a thing. l went in and
called, for l really wanted to know
what it was all about, and she per-
sisted the rooster had crowed all morn
ing in my front room. l got quite
angry. and never thought of my little
alarmer, till Emma Jane suggested it
70 me after / went home. Then peace
vas made, but that is nov twenty
years ago, and Mrs. Platitude has kept
Sdropping in" ever since.
do noe like Mrs. Platitude's gossip,
1 is SO ill-natured. For my own part
1 never say an unkind word of any
one. Ipride myself on not being sat
irical and prone to see the faults of 9TH
sES but Mrs. Piatitude says such things.