Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-07-04
BILL NYE,s DOWNFALL.
a Thrilling Chapter ia the Career of the
Iarine, Roller Rinkfst.

I have once more tried to ride a pair OF
roller skates That is the reason go.
down on the rink and down Oh roller
skates That IS the reason several people
got down on ne That is also the reason
I now state III public manner to lost
and undone race; and unless the roller
rink is at once abolished the whole civil
! lied world will be plunged into arnica.
had tried it on once before, but had no.
carried my experiments 10 q successful ter
! mination. I made trial trip around the
| rink last August, but was ruled ont by the
judges for inCCmpetency, and advised 10
skate among people who were hostile 10
the United States, while the proprietOrs IT,
paired the rink.
On the 9Th of September | nestled in the
bosom OF q cyclone to excess, and it has
required the bulk Of the succeeding months
for nature 10 glue the bones of my legs
together in proper shape. That IS the
reason I have not given the attention TO
roller skating that ! should
\ few weeks ago ! read what the Rev.
Dewitt Talmage said about this great ma
tional vice. 1t was his opinion that If we
STATED in proper spirit we could leave the
rink each evening with our immortal souls
in good shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thursday
evening | would undertake the feat Of
skating three rounds III three hours with
no protection to my scrupes, for one-ha!t
the gate money, T&lmege rHles. So there
was quite a large audience present with
opera glasses Some had umbrellas, cs-
peciallv on the front rows These were
worn spread, in order 10 ware OF fragments
Of the rink which might become olsen
gagged and set il motion by atmospheric
disturbances.
In obedience 10 a wild Wagnerian snort
from the orchestra, ] came forth into the
arena with my skates III my hand. feel
perfectly at home before an audience when
/ have my skates in my hand. II is 4
morbid desire 10 wear the skates or nay
feet that has always been my bette NOR.
VIII the Office boy please give NE brass
check for that word, SO that / can get It
when / go away?
Ny first thought, after getting myself Sc
cured to the skates. was this Am ! il
the proper frame of mind? Am ] doing
this in the right spirit? Am l about to
skate in such 8 way as 10 lit, the fog Of un-
belief which now envelopes q sinful world,
or shall I deepen the Opaque night il which
my race is wrapped?
Just then that end of the rink erupted in
manner So forthwith and 50 tout en-
sembled that had to push it back in place
with my person. I never saw anything
done with less delay or less langUor
The audience went wild With enthusiasm
and | responded to the encore by writing
my name in the sir with my skate.
This closed the first seanCc, and my
trainer took me to the dressing room, to-
attend a consultation Of physicians. After
the rink carpenter had lacked up the floor
a little, went out again. [ had no fears
about my ability TO perform the mechani
cal part assigned me, but was still worried
over the question of whether it would or
would not be of lasting benefit to man
kind
Those who have closely scrutinized my
frame in reposc have admitted that I was
fearfuilY and wonderfully made. Students
Of the human frame say that they never
saw such q wealth Of limperness and loose
ness lavishcd upon ore person. They
maintain that nature bestowed upon me
the hinges and joints intended for whole
family, and therefore when I skate the air
seems to be perfectly lurid with limbs. l
presume that this is true, though l have 50
little leisure while skating il which 10
observe the method itself the plot or the
animus Of the thing, - Il were that my
opinion would be Of little value to the
scientist
I am led to believe that the roller skate
is certainly great ciyilizer and wonderful
Ieyeler Of mankind. II We so skate that
when the summons comes to seek our ward
within the general hospital, where each
shall heal lis busted c0ticia within the
walls where rinkists squirm, we 20 not like
the social wreck, morally paraiEZed but
like hired man taking his NE iiCine, and
so forth-we may skate with perfect i'm
punity, or any one else 70 whom we may
be properly introduced by our cook.