Daily Republican., 1885-07-30

1
| More than We could stand
| We met them on the South slds.
| And there they fought as brave,
And many gallant soldiers
Met nm carly grave.
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT
On the night in question they had
been married scarcely a year. She had
sat up for him until twelve o'clock, and
then she went to bed. At three O'Clock
she was awakened by hearing him q,
the door. She opened the window and
asked who was there " Me-" he re.
sponded in thick voice. Where
have you been until this hour?" she In,
diQuantly demanded. I've been tc
Lodge" he managed to articulate. "Oh,
you have, eh? Well, as you've been
lodging until this time 1t won't hurt
You any more to sit up the rest of the
night" We hope she was right, for he
had to do 1t.
lady had In her employ an excel
lent girl who had one fauit-her face was
always griny. MIS-. ", wishing
to tell her to wash her face without
offending her at last resortel to strategy
Do yon know, Bridget" she remark.
| ed in confidential manner, that il
you wash you face every day in hot
soap and water, it will make
you beautiful?" will it?" answered
the willy Bridget. "Sure, it's on or
ye never tried it, ma'amp'
A love smitten gentleman, after con.
versing awhile with lady on the in.
teresting topic of matrlmony, conclu.
ded attlast with the emphatic question,
Twill you have me?" 81 am very
sorry TO disappoint you, replied the
lady, and hope my refusal will not give
you pain; but l must answer No"
Well. that will do, said her philoso.
phical lover, "and now suppose we
change the subject"
An Irishman tried TO shoot sparrow
with a very old musket. He fred.
The bird, win a chirp or two, flew away
unconcerned in the foreground, and
Pat was swiftly laid on his back. Pick
ing himself up and shaking his fist at
the bird, he exclaimed Beiabers, We
wouldn't a chirruped if ye'd been at
this ind of the gum"
Madam, can you tell me why two
women stop in the middle OF the street
crossing 10 talk?" suppose they do
it for the same reason that a man rush
es at the top of his speed to get across
the track in front of a train and then
stands and watches the train 90 by. +"
The gentleman changed the subject.
/ think I'll get out and stretch my
legs little" said tall man, as the
train stopped at the station. "Oh,
don't. said a passenger who had been
sitting opposite to him, aud who had
been much embarrassed by the the legs
OF his tall cUmpanil n; don,s do that,
they ara too long already"
They had been married six weeks
aud she said, 4" Now don't, 90 stay
little wiley tifey" They had been mar
g. If you 60 out tonight, Smith, I'm
going to lock up the house and 60 ovel
and sleep at mother's."
" If ever marry sha'nt sock for
mind, mind Is too cold. I'll choose ar
emotional woman" Don't do iti''
eagerly exclaimed his bald headed
friend, suggestlvely pointing to his hair
less pate-"don,t do it, l implore
you" My wife is an EN- otional wo-
man."
A sehool:nistress, discharged for usinl
the rod too freely, applied for employ.
nent In dressmaker's establishment
Have You had any experien ce in sew
ing?" asked the dressmaker. No,
was the reply. but have thorough
knowledge of basting."
In speaking OF the girl to whom b,
was engaged he referred to her as hi
" flnancee." "You mean your fiancee
suppose? It is pronounced fec ar
say" don't care how Il il pronounc
cd; this girl is my financee. She Il
worth fve thousand dollars"
81 wish, I were you for about two
hours" she said to her husband witt
great tenderness. "And why, my
dear?" he asked. Because" sh'
said, toying affectionstely with hi
watch chain. because then l woult
buy my wife new bonnet"
"And 30 you have been to the Cont
nent? Did you 60 to Switzerland? anc
did you see the glaciers?" Mrs. Shodd,
" Oh, yes, we saw mechanics of nj
kinds; but then, you know, 1 don't tax
any interest in such vulgar persons.
"WhAt lovely hair she has! sup
pose 1t is her own?" "Oh, yes j.; o
course it ia. No doubt II you ask, sh,
will prove 1t, for she told me emily fey
days ago that she WAS careful to keel
all her receipts"
At some point in the career of ever,
human soul yawns ohasm that seem
Iimpassable. One Of these bitches con
fronts the young wife when she frs
"opens her eyes to the fact that she can
cook like somebody's mother.
| An English traveller, in looking owe
some American town names, cam,
across the we'll known ones of "Paw
tucket," Shetucket" and "Nan
tucket." "Ha hal" he exclaimed
"Im blest if the whole family didn'
take it -
! When man gets letter for his W If
at the postoffice, and he forgets t
give 1t to her for . week or so, the safes
way of letting her have 1t 10 to ii
it on the end of long fishing. rod AM
lpoke it through window to her.
How beautifully that woman singsl'
said one lady to another who was IL
gorgeous attire and blazing with dia
monds. els shea mezzo soprano?'
No, l guess not. think she is
ISwede," replied the other.
is 1t q SIM" asked q Fashionable
lady of her spiritual dicector, for m,
Il . faal nlao o,,ro xuhop n uopt lar,op aay