The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1885-09-18
Something Will Break.


He wore paper collar which had
been in constant use for week, and
this was attached to wooden shirt
which had faded from light blue tc
what might be classed as a crushed
huckleberry color. His pantaloons
were of coarse linen, bearing straw
berry stains here and there, and his
straw hat had led the procession on
more than one Fourth of July. 1t was
evident half mile away that he was
from back county. He must have
felt his isolation, but he marched up
Grand River avenue as stiff as poker,
carrying his extras IN a carpet-sack,
and turned in at hotel and asked if
he could be accommodated for few
days while he looked around. When
answered in the affirmative he grew
confidential and remarked:
II may have to go to Washington
before go back home"
''Got business with the govern
ment?" queried the clerk.
eyes sorter, business. I'm after an
Office of some sort.
"Ah! Any particular clamp
81 should remark! "I've paid taxes
for seventeen straight years, been
boss at every Fourth of July,
and had more fights with the
infidels in my neighborhood than
you can shake a stick at. I'm
going to climb an office or break
both legs"
That was a week ago. Yesterday
he departed for home, broke down
and dispirited. When he settled his
hotel bill he had twenty-seven cents
left, and when one of the guests who
knew OF his plans asked him how he
succeeded, he explained:
''Say, I'm not the camel thought
was. thought could climb an office
like cow shining up hickory, but
I'm left"
"What wero you after?''
Anything. 1 kinder thought I'd
like to go as Minister somewhere or
other, but feIler in saloon down
here wanted to know how 1 could 60
as minister when l couldn't preach.
Another Teller said 1 might get
into the Custom House, but
ed a man if he wanted an office-seeker
he SAID he'd give me two minits to
skip"
..Didn't you go to the Pension
Officer"
"Yes. Went in there and saw the
boss, and he wouldn't take me because
L couldn't cipher In cube root.
thought L knew all the roots
in the State, but he got me on
cube"
"How about the Postoffice?''
"Weu, 1 hung around there
waiting to see the foreman, until
a policeman comes up and says he'd
have a letter for me if 1 didn't
move on"
Didn't you try for an office under
the local government"
''Yes-for a dozen. Twas introduced
to seven different Aldermen, and it
cost me So. 80 for beer, but that's all
it amounted to. l was just half an
hour late with each one OF 'em to get
an office. I was advised to see the
Mayor and speak right up to him. He
wasn't in, but his clerk peeled off his
coat and told me to take my choice
between going out of the door or win
dow"
"And you are going home?''
"Going right back home. My boys
allus said l was the sharpest man IN
the county. I'm goin' to lick 'em in
rotashun for bein' fools. My wife
calls me Judge and is allus tellin'
everybody that was born to be great.
shall begin to call her an idiot be-
lore | git within half mile of the
farm"
"You seem broke up"
''Im clean gone, stranger. I came
here TO shear, and I've been shorn. 1
was goin' to git offs fur myself, and
then pick up half dozen fur the nay
ours, and it Will be sick crowd when
we git together in my barn and L tell
EN- that we are all left. I'm afraid
I'm really afraid, stranger, that some
body will offer a resolution that the
oulwarks of Liberty are busted and
his country gone to Halifax,
md that it will be adopted
3y risin' vote" ."-DetroH Free