Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-12-09
MY LAST REHEARSAL.
The Efficient Aid Which I Rem
dered a Celebrated Comedian.

Inc E1uClenC Ala WnlCn ten-
dered a Celebrated Comedian.
Probably the theory of evolution
never received a moro practical Illus
tration, physically and mentally, than
in my case. For whereas l am now q
portly, sedate, well-to-do father of a
family, church warden, overseer and
guardian of my parish, somo thirty
years ago l was a slender, harum-
scarum bachelor, impecunious and
ready at a moments notice for any
folly which might present itself to my
excitable and mercurial temperament
Vicious, certainly was not, but mere
ly thoughtless and inconsiderate. My
name is Matthews, and was christcncd
Charles, after my uncle, from whom
my father had pecuniary expectations.
The late Charles Reade was undeniably
right when he said that versatility
never pays. / was a fair baritone
singer, clever caricaturst, an admira-
BILE mimic, and enjoyed great renown
as an amateur actor. Yet at the age of
twenty-five 1 was entirely dependent
on my father for the necessarics OF life
and pocket money. My largest creditor
at this time was my tailor, to whom l
was indebted in the sum of ninety-five
pounds four shillings and sixpence.
Unless my father "stumped up" had
as much chance of being able to paw
the National debt as of defraying this
amount. For some reason or other my
father proved unusually obstinate at
this juncture and declined to do any,
thing in the matter; 1 remember he
described his conduct as firmness.
have omitted to mention that
was in love with very
pretty but portionless young lady
of the name of Walker. My father
characterized this circumstance as
another sample of my thoughtlcssness
and perversity, as among my acquaint-
ance were several young ladies with
tolerable fortunes. had quasi-rival
for Miss Walkers good graces, of the
name of Nobbs. He was SO very plain
and unpleasant in his manners thatI en-
tcrIained no fears of being ousted by
him, and accordingly we were very
good friends. He employed the same
tailor Binks) as myself, and one men,
orable morning Mr.. hobbs came to me
and told me that Binks had issued a
writ against me for the amount of my
debt. The law against debtors at that
date was much more stringent than it
is at present, and determined to leave
London and go into hiding for time,
until l could prevoil upon my wealthy
uncle to relieve me of Binks' claim.
had few pounds in my pocket. and in
formed Nobbs that would start at once
for a small watering place which l will
here call Sea mouth" 1 had never
been there, but had heard a good ac-
count of it from friend who had
found it cheap, quiet and salubrious.
In an hour L had my modest portman-
teau packed (Which had my name duly
inscribed Cd brass plate thereon), and
was steami ng at the rate of thirty miles
an hour fer the nearest postal town to
Scamoutf. When / left the train I
found There was coach about to start
Tor Scar aouth, distance of eight miles.
After an hours drive 1 was deposited
at the door of the RED Lion" was
not much puzzled as to the choice of my
hotel, for the "Red Lion was the only
inn in the place. Seamouth consisted
apparently of one long, struggling
street, with q few detached houses
on the outskirts At the distance of a
hundred yards the open sea tumbled
and tossed on the shingly beach. In
ten minutes felt as il | had "done"
Seamouth, and contemplated with some
feelings of disimay heightened resi-
dence in this secluded spot. Ihad al
ready secured 0 bedroom, left my port
manteau and ordered steak and ac-
cessories prior to my stroll round the
place. AS | crossed the entrancc-hall
TO the coilee-rooln found myself the
object of special observation by the
stall OF the hotel. The rubicund boni-
face saluted me with broad grin. the
antlquated waiter smirked in peculiar
fashion as he fastened to open the door
OF the cofiee-room, while housemaid
on the stairs was evidently mu ch more
occupied in studying my personal APP
pcarance than sweeping the carpetcd
stairs. A half-length of what was evil
IDENTIFY the cook peered from tn regions
below. Twas about to seat myself at
one of the tables when the host adj
vanced, and, with very dererential
bow, begged that would accept the
offer of a private room. Anticipating
my objection, he went on to say that
no extra expense would be incurred in
So a few minutes saw
me engaged in discussing juicy. ten
der steak, some mealy potatoes, fanked
by tankard Of nut-brown ale, with an
'bsequious waite L as my sole attendant.
determined to write to my uncle i'm
ncdiately after dinner, as my slender
purse would 500 n be exhausted in de-
raging the cost CT my present luxury.
As the waiter placed an apple tart on
he table he remarked: IL think this
your first visit to Seamouth, sirP" 1
eplied in the affirmative. muttering
otto vooe land also my last. Sea-
mouth appears to be very sleepy kind
II place" The old waiter drew him
elf up, apparentBrcsenting the stigma
m the little watering place. Very
Iuist. sir. but very select But we shall