The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-02
Written for THE ARKANsAw TRAvKLER.
 THE LIBERAL CRANK.
BY " DoAK.n


 who delights to call himself a liberal. There are liberals and liberals, and some of them are the most whole souled, un- presuming, generous noblemen in ex. istence, but this kind very seldom intro- duce themselves by saying, "l am a liberal"
 The liberal crank usually volunteers the information. You'd never imagine there was anything liberal about him unless he told you. He is intrusive in his belief. No matter what company he may be in he airs his peculiar doctrines. One man may mention as an historical tact that the Jews lived in Judea, or Pen- tius Pilste was Roman office. holder. Instantly Mir. Liberal breaks in and in- forms you that that is all bible fiction, and that he is astonished that any man in these days of advanced thosght-dh, how he loves that phrase-can read such a tissue of lies. Another may innocently intimate that he thinks Mir. Beecher and MT. Sturgeon are very eloquent speakers, when to his surprise MT. Liberal bristles up and says that he is happy to say that he has not been inside church for so many years, and could not be hired to go, that all preachers are arrant hum- bugs and only after the money they can get out of it, and then he launches of into fulsome eulogy of Mir. R. G. In- gersoll whom he pays his dollar un- whimperingly to listen to, and never in- quires into what charity the modern apostle of liberalism turns his hard earned shekels.
 The liberal crank is the most illiberal of liberals. He is canting hater of cant, an idol-worshiping iconoclast. He dilates for hours on the bigotry and in- tolerance of sects, and exhibits the most intense intolerance for all who do not ac- cept his peculiar broad-gauge theories. He claims the absolute right to condemn, malign and insult all denominations, but becomes righteously indignant if his own crowd are in the slightest manner inn pugned. He professes with loud flourish of trumpet to march under the banner of "Universal Mental Liberty" but if any poor church member claims the same privilege, and his idea of liberty does not happen to coincide with Mir. Liberals, he is stigmatized as a hypocrite, a priest ridden fool, time-serving, pandering deceiver. He professes to defy reason, but thinks that all men must reason through his quill or be wrong. He ab- hors superstition, and yet is prey to some of the most transparent supersti- tions of the day. He stigmatizes super naturalism as folly, and is a faithful de- votee at the shrine of modern spiritual ism. His great hold however is science. Oh what a luscious morsel is science as he glibly rolls it over his tongue. He rolls up the honored names of Huxley, Tyndall, Spencer and others with great gusto, and triumphantly tells you they have disposed of the whole question, but on inquiry it will be found that his knowledge of anything pertaining to these men, except their names, is ex tremely meagre. He has glanced over some elementary science primer, and thinks he knows it all, and what he don't know ain't worth knowing. He boast fully tells you he is an agnostic, and then proceeds to show you that he knows everything. He likes to in- form you that he believes so and so with Haeckel but ask him to point out when Haeckel says it, and he is at loss. He always saddles his puerile drivellings on some great name. His idea of liberty is not the freedom to worship God ac- cording to the dictates of the conscience, but prohibition of worship of any kind | whatever. The crusades his clique get | up arc not to disseminate truth, but in | their own language to demolish the | whole religious fabric and crush out every | seed of theology. priestcraft and super stition." Another watchword is humanity. Oh, how he deiies humanity. He quotes "the | proper study of mankind is man." He tells you that man is the noblest of all | conceivable or possible evolutions, and then proceeds to prove that the human species arc all pack of idiotic fools and imbeciles or they would never be 20 credulous as they are about religious matterx The only humanity that is ab-