The clarion., 1885-09-23
WIT AND HUMOR

SICKNESS the year round lAe doctor |
replied without hesitation. The Pro-
hibitory law. burlington Free Press.
An alleged improvement on the
once fashionable cuckoo clock is one
in which an owl appears instead of the
cuckoo when the clock strikes. and
''toots" quite naturally. His daylight
appearance, however, is not quite ma
tural.-Neso Tork Erening Posi-.
The fellow who sent Mr.. Cleveland
a four-leaved clover. one leaf of which
was stuck on the stem with mucilage, |
will have no influence with the Admin
istration hereafter. The latter may be
taken in once, but it will not be twice
by the same person=-BOSt0H Post.
This is the season of the year when |
Lucy and John come in ruefully from
the back piazza and try to explain to
an unsympathizing audience how it
was that Lucy's fragile 100 pounds has
broken down the hammock that her
pas solid lS5 pounds swung safely in
all the afternoon.-SO SOmergiEie Jour
nal
He was from Louisville. They met |
have seen Henry Ward Beecher. aw |
cuppOSGs l1c-O 1Ccs OANCns /
Eh, and what do you think of his de /!
Why | don't think it equals either
Hecker or Morris, He has no curve,
you know.-PttSburg Chronicle Iele-
graph.
An old darky was preaching some
time since and he saw one of his con-
gregation asleep, so he began: ''You
remember when Paul was preaching in
the Temple damsel was asleep in the
fourth story, and she fell down. smash
ing all the smashers, and the frag-
ments they picked up twelve basket
full, and whose wife will she be In de
resurrectionp"
Agram, Austria, has comic paper
called the Scoarge, but it ism t as fun
ny as it formerly was. The editor has
Just gone to the penitentiary for two
years, with two fasting days thrown
in. and the publisher got ten months
A humorous article on the Hungarian
Parliament, in which the authorities
failed to perceive the fun, was the
cause of the trouble
His pants alarm me So" the maid
en- said (referring TO her poodle,
/ which an unruly COW chase had led)
as she walked with FitZnoodle. "Are
they too tight?" the untaught Fitz re-
piled, his indignation rising. He
| thought the maiden's mind he occu-
pied, and her solilequizing). Sharp
fy she turned, and in her pretty head
her ewes glowed like a mouser's:
..Pn wed no man so ignorant" she
said, '.he uses pants for 'trousersF "
A clergyman son had heard great
| deal of discussion about the manner in
which Sunday should be spent, and in
the course of it has heard that God
gave us Sunday as a day of rest. "
| That made an impression upon him.
Last month he heard the tirecrackers
and torpedoes exploded in the streets
days in advance of the Fourth. He
told little companion tnat it was
wrong to anticipate the day in that
way.
God has given US one day on which
to make all the noise we can, said he.
-Hdrper'S Bazar.
A youngster of 4, rather noted for
his depravity than otherwise, was Ia
ken into his mothers bedroom the
other day and introduced to his baby
sister. day old. He seemed to lool
on the new arrival with considerable
embarrassment, not unmiXed with dis
approval, and at the same time to ap
! preciate the fact that it deyolved upor
him to say something worthy the oc
casion. Finally he remarked. with 9
rising injection expressive of grea
righteousness, ''Well, hope she'll b.
a Christianr' boston Record.
! One of the pillars of our State,
| member of the Assembly, with no ed
, ucation to speak of, but plenty OF con
fidence and fondness for the sound 0
: his own voice, grew excited during tn
r last session over what he called tn
' pressure under bill.
n There's something mysterious i
t that bill,'' said he. cit struck N
G suddenly, as if a little bird brough
e the news. / can see it in the air;
# can feel it in my bones. AT any mt
:, ment there may be an explosion b'
if meath our feet, and then we will sc
/ how blind we are. ."-Harper's BdSa
s 81 am honest in what / say, L
e honestr' he shouted, jumping up an
e down and cracking his heels togethe
81 want to lick somebody or get liel
:? edl Pm spilin' for fight! l wa
D! gore-gallons of it-an' l am wlllir
l. to shed barrelsl Gimme exercise
II gimme deathp'
The crowd closed in and poundt
r. him. and walked on him, and Jump'
&c on him, and fell on him and whipp
'h him cold.
he Two hours later his only remainil
III eye opened slightly and he whisper
lg with a sigh of content:
s. BOYS, l was honest This Is pal
at r'-Drake's Magazine.
ln na American journalism responds mob
~ to the strain imposed by the silly 81
- son. A mammoth cave, ehuckIul
W writhing rattlesnakes, has been q
ho covered in Alabama this week;
40 a jackson (Ga.) News has noted
stoppage of grist-mill. owing to
80 the snakes in the pond having crawl
.. out simultaneously to sun tnemseiv
~ II. thereby lowering the water-head $
lie eral feet; the New York Herald
We enriched the Smithsonian INSTITUTE
re- with a snake that has head Ik'
pug-dog. Jumps like frog, and wi
w ties. and the New York Times
w printed its annual comic article on
~ train hoy Philadelphia Record.
for A year or more ago an auctioneer
this city had for sale lot OF hom
pathic medicines. All these medicI
were dumped into one pile and disp
ed of In one lot, there being Varl
ht- kinds of medicines In the mass
her boarding-house keeper bought the
the and some days after the purchase
inv auctioneer asked her: What did
k,n do with that homeopathic medici
life Mrs. -" She replied: Il thou
cry | could use it, and it was cheap,
md so | crushed it under the roller
. I filed my sugar-bowls with it
.tty boarders seemed to like it, and esl
oal- ially when powdered over pies -
ed ton Traveller.
as No, Claribel, we cannot tell you
RED best way to make clam-fritters.
q have never eaten a clam-fritter.
.en- have often tried to; but we are C
OF pelied to confess with shame and
BE initiation that we have always fal
not We have eaten homemade board
,ep- house bread, and we live to tell
'uid And we have even got away WI
ray. rubber doll-baby by mistake TO
op- cruller But we have never yet
was ceeded in eating a clam-fritter.
ike have managed the fritter part, &
lght bel. but the clam part has AWAY
lnce manned to point the finger of scor
at us. and we are willing that 1t sh
Vel- do so till the end of time rather
In tackle it again, CIaribel.-PacE-
,ll'e n.A Smuggling from Canada into
ILL Iii. United States is not only very b
ms but the smugglers are bold In a
.lAe ing their business. The following
;nr N vertisement appears In papers a