Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-02-20
The Bad Boy.
[Peck's sun.l

[Peck's SUM-
"I guess the neighbors will be
mighty glad when you folks go off to
Florida" said the groceryman to the
bad boy as he came in with linen
duster on, and stamped the snow of
his feet. "Such carvings on as you
had in church last Sunday night
The minister was in here this morn.
ing and he says he don't know what
to think of your family. lie says
your pa was taken with hydrophobia
in church, and frothed at the mouth,
and barked like dog, and the dea.
cons had to take him out and sill
down on him. What did it mean,
and what in thunder you got on Il
linen duster for in the middle Of
wintcr?'
81 am wearing this du stcr TO get ac
customed to it. When we 90 south
we shall have to wear palm-leaf
clothes all the time" and the bad boy
wrapped the tails of the duster
around his cold legs and backed up
to the coal stove, But you'd a dide
if you had been in our pew Sunday
night. You see l was reading in a
paper about how the senators in
Washington amuse themselves, aud
there was story about Wade lIamp-
tons joke on Senator Garland.
Hampton eats caramcls, and Garland
always comes along and takes cara
mels off Hampton's desk, and so 10th
or day Hampton took a piece OF
brown soap aud Whitfield it just the
size of caramel and wrapped it in
a glazed paper and laid.it OH his desk,
and Garland eat il. 1t tickled me,
and thought of pa in Il minute.
When we go to church pa gets ner-
yous, cause he can't smoke, and hc
always wants TO be chewing some
thing, and as always have some
candy or something i'll my pocket, pa
reaches in my pocket on the sly,
when he is Watching the minister,
gets gum drop or something, and
chews all through meeting. | don't
think it is right for All old man 10
chew in meeting, anyway. So took
piece Of soap and fixed 1t just AS
Senator Hampton did, and put it in
the pocket next to pa. In the other
pocket | had some sure enough cara
nclcs, cause did not want to get
the soap myself was chewing
right along, and pa stood il until the
minister gave out the sociablc notices,
and prayed, and when we stood up
to sing pa he mdgcd me for candy.
[ was busy finding which song they
was singing, cause they all look
alike in the hymn book, and when
they got on the last verse pa nudgcd
me again, and kind of winkcd my
left eye and glanced down toward my
pocket, aud pa he had his hand in
there quickern a wink, and he got
the brown soap caramel and had it
in his mouth in no time, and then
the choir got TO the home stretch, as
pa says, and we sat down. | guess
pa bit right through the soap the first
round, for he snorted and said yah,
and | guess that was what they
thought sounded as though he barked
like II dog. Every body looked at pa,
so he couldn't spit out the soap, and
he held on TO it. An old maid that
sits in front o!us turned right around
and looked at pa rs though he was Il
dime museum curiosity, aud she
never took her eyes of of him.
think woman ought to keep her
eyes off man long enough to let him
spit out chunk Of soap. Well, you
ought 10 have seen me look at the
minister when he gave out the text.
Our folks always complain cause |
don't remember the text, so | was
bound to commit ii to memory if |
busted. l dassent look at pa for fear
| would snort out right out, but |
peeped out of the corner of my eye,
and he turned red and white aud
blue, and he tried to keep from swol-
lowing The soap suds. l thought |
should catnip and quill-wheel, right
there on the floor. Pretty soon the
soap suds and foam began to show
on pas lip and moustache, and he
looked oilul tell you. Everybody
was looking at him, and the minister
stopped and looked over his spectacles
and just then pa couldn't stand it no
longer, and he got up and said Yah
and walked over some of my feet and
got out in the aisle and he walked
toward the vestibulc real last like d
man in hurry to get somewhere
and the soap was making lathel
enough to shave with, and his upper
lip was covered, and everybody
looked at him. The deacons followed
him out, and the ushers got there
| just as he began to throw lather OF
the carpet, and he coughed and sput
tered, and they thought he was mac
for sure, and they grabbed hold o
his arms, and as he struggled to &C
his hand in his coat tail for his hand
kerchief they said, Don't let hin
bite yOu-don't let him get hold o
his revolverp and they scuflled til
pa could get'the taste out Of his moutl
so he could speak, and then he said i
was all right, he had eaten caramc
and didn't know ii was loaded
Then all was quiet, and the ministe
went on with the sermon, and pi
went to the hydrant and turned tn
hose on his mouth, and after awhil
he came in and sat on a back seal
and after church | didn't see him.
hain't seen him yet, cause | aske,
him before church if l couldn't e
and stay all night with my chun
and he said l could. II you was i
my place how would you explai
that soap business to pa? / don
want to deceive hlm and tell lie.
guess | will tell him 1T is believed t
be the work Of an incendiary,' an
then run. Well must go out an
get acclimated to this linen ulsteI
before we so 10 Florida" and th
bad boy went out on hop, skip an
jump, while the groceryman locke
at him as though he would like t