The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-06-13
Not "a Corkscrew in the Place

a SAD laced man, with StOOplng
shoulders, a saturnine, sullen and
stealthy air, entered popular restau-
rant up town on Saturday evening,
and, after wandering aimlessly about,
sank dejectedly into chair and stared
at the bill of fare. As he sat there, the
picture of despondercy and woe, his
eye lighted upon a row OF cOrkscrews
which had been polished and laid in a
row on the table. The patrons of the
place arelargely given to the consump-
ton OF oysters, and as it was Just be
fore the hour when the rush from the
theaters is expected, the walters were
busy arranging tables and chairs. One
of them rushed up to the mournful
guest, rubbed the table briskly with a
napkin, picked up the catsup bottle,
put it down again, and Went through
the brisk manmuvres by which walters
usually assist eaters to make up their
minds.
whats yours, sir?" said the
waiter
"Mine?" said the man, slowly, and
with tinge OF resentment in his voice
Eyes, sir; your order, sir"
"Stew," said the man, wearily.
Then the waiter hustled up the
room, and the man with tired and
blase air gathered in the eight cork
screws, bagged them quietly in a nap
kin, tied them up, dropped them to
the floor, and kicked them under the
table, against the wall.
A short time after this the waiter
bore down on him jauntily with a
stew, placed it on the table before him
with a deft turn of the wrist, and was
speeding away when theman muttered
in an ill-humOred voice.
"S'm beer"
GA bottle of beer, sir? Yes, sir"
The man bumped his shoulders, and
began to eat the stew with every APP
pearance OF intense dissatisfaction,
not unmixed with disgust. But it was
observed that he watched the busy
waiter out Of the corner of his eye,
while the busy waiter rushed around
the room with bottle of beer in one
hand and no cOrkscrew in the other.
After a prolonged search, in which
all OF the other walters participated,
single corkscrew was found in the
lower drawer of the cashiers desk.
With this the waiter hurried down to
The discontented looking man, but was
called away before he could open the
bottle. He laid the cOrkscrew down
IN the table and straightway forget
where he had put it. This, too, was
0agsed by the solemn man, who showed
It cautiously and craftily with his foot
toward itsfellowsi in thenapkin against
he wall.
Bright faced women and resolute
looking men troOped in from the
Sheaters and seated themselves at the
tables. There was a continual clang-
ing of the door, and a constant influx
Of guests until the room was filled.
Some ordered wine, others ale, and
many beer with their oysters. Bot
ties were placed upon the various
tables, food was served, and then the
clamOr began to rise; but it was evi-
dent that not cOrkScrew was to be
found in the house. The half dozen
walters were berated by the guests,
the cashier, and the proprietor, and
they flew about aimlessly, recklessly,
and almost frantically; not a cork
screw could be had, and after one or
two of the theater gOers had arisen
and gone angrily forth, the sad and
rOund-shouldered man rose, stretched
himself YEARLY, yawned and sighed;
then he denounced the waiter in a re-
sentful tone, made some scathing COM
ments to the cashier, paid his bill and
departed.
Only a close observer saw his shoul-
ders shake and his very ears wrinkle
with delight, as he cast one backward
glance into the restaurant before 60
ing up the street.