The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-08-15

1t may be premature, perhaps, but |
desire to suggest to any one who may
be contemplating the erection of a sum-
mer residence for me, as slight testi-
monial of his high regard for my ster-
ling worth and symmetrical escutcheon
"a testimonial more suggestive of earn
est admiration and warm personal friend
ship than of great intrinsic value, etc.
that | hope he will not construct it
on the modern plan of mental halluci-
nation and morbid delirium tremens
peculiar to recent architecture.
Of course man ought not to look a
gift house in the gable end, but if my
friends don't know me any better than
to build me summer house, and throw
in odd windows that nobody else want
ed, and then daub it up with colors
they have bought at auction, and ap-
piled to the house after dark with
shotgun, / think it is time that we had
better understanding.
Such structure does not come with
IN either of the three classes of RenaiS-
sance. 1t is neither Florentine, Ro-
man, nor Venetian. Any man can orig
mate style of architecture if he will
drink the right kind of whisky long
enough, and then describe his feelings
to an amanuensis. Imagine the sensa-
ton that one of these modern, sawed
off cottages would create a hundred
years from now, if it should survive.
But that is impossible. The only cheer
ing feature of the whole matter is that
these creatures of disordered magma
ton must soon pass away, and the
bright sunlight of hard horse sense shine
in through the shattered dormers and
gables of gnawed off architecture of the
average summer resort. A friend of
mine, few days ago, showed me his
new house with much pride. He asked
me what l thought of it. told him l
liked it first rate. Then l went home
and wept all night. 1t was my first
falsehood.
The house taken as whole looked
to me like skating rink that had start
ed out to make money, and then sud-
denly changed its mind, and resolved
to become a tannery. Then ten feet
higher it had lost all self-respect, and
blossomed into full. blown "drunk
and disorderly," surmounted by the
smoke stack of a foundry, and with the
bright future of thirty days ahead with
the chain gang. That's the way it
looked to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends of misfit rafters and distorted
shingles that somebody had purchased
at sheriff sales and the rooms and stairs
were giddy in the extreme. l went in
and rambled around among the stair
cases and other Nightmares Treason tot
tered on her throne. Then l came out
and stood on the architectural wart call
ed the side porch, to get fresh air.
This porch was painted dull red, and
it had wooden rosettes at the corners
that looked like brand new carbuncle
on the nose of social wreck. Farther
up on the demoralized lumber pile 1
saw now and then places where the
workman's mind had wandered, and he
had nailed on his clapboards wrong
side up, and then painted them with
the Paris green that he had intended to
use on something else. 1t was an odd
looking structure indeed. Ifmy friend
got all the materials for nothing from
people who had fragments of paint and
lumber left over after they had failed,
and then if the workmen constructed it
nights for mental relaxation and intel
lectual repose, without charge, of course
the scheme was financial success, but
intellectually the house is a gross vio-
lation of the statutes in such cases made
and provided, and against the peace
and dignity of the State.
There is look of extreme poverty
about the structure which man might
struggle for years to acquire and then
fail. No one could look upon it with
out feeling heartache for the man who
built that house, and probably strug-
gled on year after year, building little
of it at time as he could steal the
lumber, getting new workman each
year, building knob here and pro-
tuberance there, putting in three cor
nered window at one point and a yell
low tile or wad of broken glass or
other debris at another, patiently filling
in around the ranch with any old rub
Dish that other people had got through
with, and painting it as he went along,
taking what was left in the bottom of
the pot after his neighbors had paint
ed their bob sleds or their tree boxes
little favors thankfully received-and
then surrounding the whole pile with
potpourri of roof, grand farewell in
cubus of bumps and hollows for the
rain to wander through and seek out
the different cells where the lunatics
live who inhabit it.
1 did tell my friend of one thing that
I thought would improve the looks of
his house. He asked me eagerly what
it could be. l said it would take a
man of great courage to do it for him.
He said he didn't care for that. He
would do it himself. If it only needed
one thing, he would never rest until he
had it, whatever that might be. Then
1 told him that if he had a friend
that he could trust-who would steal in
there some night when the family were
away, and scratch match on the leg
of his breeches, or on the breeches of
any other gentleman that was present,
and hold it where it would ignite the
alleged house, and then remain to see
that the fire department did not NEEDLE
with it, he would confer great favor
on one who would cheerfully retaliate
in kind at call.
Chin Characteristics.