The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-22
WIT AND HUMOIs.

l:3O a. m.
Did any one ever see a girl get let
ter at the POstOllice from her fellow and
not read it until she got home? No,
SIR; and history has no record of any
such freak of girl.
George Eliot said that half of the wo-
men of England died prematurely old
'for the want of an aim in life" The
women of England should join rifle
teams and archery clubs.-Norristoa0
Herald
A Western paper, in describing an
accident recently, says, with consider
able candor: '.Dr. was called, and,
under his prompt and skillful treat
mcnt, the young man died on Wednes-
day night
The wag on Cincinnati paper says:
ga Walnut Hills girl is mad with a
downtown drug clerk because, when
she asked him for something to bang
her hair with, he told her he didn' t
keep curry-combs. -
One day opposing pickets on the
kappahannock agreed not to fire. A
brisk conversation arose between a
Texan and an Irishman on the Federal
side. 'What are you doing in the Yam
kee army?" said the Texan. "What
are you fightin' for, anyhow?' I'm a
fitin' for S13 a month. l behave yer
fitin' for GIL"
A Texas Judge who is the perfection
of dignity on the Bench swore in as a
witness a rather frivolous-looking fe-
male. ''What is your name?' asked
the Judge. Dolly Dimple." ''Where
do you reside?' The witness giggled
and replied: whats the use of me
telling you where 1 live? You wouldn' t
call on me anyhow-would you,
Judge?"-Teras Sjsings.
Miss Daisy Greene Ito Jones, who
has just been introducedD: "What fun
ny looking people one meets out, Mr..
Jones; only look at that frightful girl
in the doorway" Jones-..I can't
help thinking she is not so bad looking
as the awkward stick who is talking to
her." Miss G.-''The awkward stick
is my BROTHER Jones-'.The fright
full girl is my sister, Tableau.
"Maria," said Mr. Jones to his wife
one evening last week, 81 suppose
you'll make fuss about it, but there
is a rat-'' ..Oh-h-h-h-h, mercyi
Goodnessr' yelled Mrs. Jones jumping
on chair, ''where is it?'' ''Down a.
the City Hall, where ratification meet
ings always are" snarled Jones. If
you would wait till Iget through speak
ing without interrupting me you'd
know more '-Detroit Free Press.
An honest farmer was invited to at
tend party at the village DOCTORS one
evening, where there was music, both
vocal and instrumental. On the fol-
lowing morning he met one of the
guests, who said: ''Well, farmer, how
did you enjoy yourself last night?
Were not the quart ties excellente"
"Why' really, sir, can't say,' said
he, ''for l didn't taste 'em; but the pork
chops were the finest / ever ate. -
Good Cheer.
A party of San Franciscans once
went to the Yosemite and took a Chi
nese servant along with him. The Chi
namen liked it well enough till they
dragged him up some Of the sleeps that
are so famous. When they got to the
top he was perspiring like wet mop.
He did not even look at the scenery.
One of the party asked him how he
felt. ''He! Me no Likely. Mclean man
fun ale same damphoolo. San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
A premium of $780, GOO has been Of
tered by the Mex can Government to
any one who will establish in that coun-
Try paper mill at a cost OF $780, 900.
As bird in the palm is supposed to be
worth a brace on twig, we sh II not
risk $15O,0O0 for the sake of adding
$50. 900 to it. If the Mexican Govern
nent will give premium, of S15o. .0GO
O any one who will establish $50, 900
'aper mill in that country,-we-well,
We should endeavor to borrow the $780,
O0.-Norristown Herald.
The plumber alighted from his car
iage and followed his card into the
'arlor. "What's wrong?" he asked.
The gas leaks replied the master of
he house, humbly. The plumber turn
d on his heel. you'll have to send
o the gas company about that" he
aid: 81 don't know anything about
as. If the pipes should spring leak
1T me know" And he was gone be-
ore the master of the house noticed
is bill for $25 lying on the piano.
Young Winks (meaningly)-Do you
hink, Miss Minks, that two persons
hight manage to get along very COM
ortably nowadays on small salary,
how cheap the neceSsaries
life have become? Miss Minks Gn-
ocently)-Why, yes, l should think
D. Let me see. A cook and chamber |
laid could be got for about 81 between
lem, and then, you know, rents are !
OF very high and provisions are quite
wv now, and l never saw such bar
aims in silks and velvets. He didn't |
ropOse.
An Englishman named G.. E. Parker
hodes says he has invented machine
r apparatus whereby that seeming inn
Ossibility-squaring the circle-can be
The problem has en-
aged the best mathematical minds for
pward of 1000 years. and was the
suse of much domestic infelicity in
ID Graco-Roman households. If the
nglishman with the hyphenated name
as really and truly solved this thing
e must have a great head, and ought
} come over here and help us square
Ir election returns.-Peck' San.
''What is protection2" asked Miss
ifkins of young Montmorency Wig
ejaw, the other night. ..Protection,
said, slowly, sis putting my arm
'ound You so, and laying your head
, my shoulder So" 81 hats nice,''
le remarked, ''but what is free trade,
lat all the Democrats are talking
,Ou5?'' '.Free trade" said the young
omeo, kissing her until he loosened
| her back teeth, sis taking the duty
+ gums '.Well. they're both nice.'
e said, ''but think | like free trade
trihe the best. ."-San Francisco NeWS-
ettcr.
A Superintendent of some gas-works
1t West who was accustomed to vent
S ilI-humor by hurling profane epi-
cts at his men was one day obtaining 5
lief in his usual stvle at the expense
new hand whom he had just en-
lged. he new hand listened to him ;
Itiently until the Superintendent
pply of ''cuss words" was exhausted. &
len very quietly he said: Il generally ,
k anybody that insults me, but Ihap-
N to be very hard up just now, and If
u pay me 80 I'll let you Off The !
oney was given him. He was Har- :
I'd graduate temporarily ''busted."
A good story comes from the other
le. A man went to Bristol for few
VS. to stay with some people, and es-
cially to visit Il lunatic asylum in the S
ighborhood, where large concert