davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

ors HONS! Mr.. MAHOSS, what's the
matter wid ye2
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

WI the CincinDs'i Enquirer please
note the si,uatiOn2
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

Tgs Mugvuwpian vail can now Oe heard
in the lard
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

RgspgcrFrLLY referred to our esteemed
eoutemporsr!
"yiau sal words Of tongue or pen
Ths,sdista,e these: u might have been"
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

s.r BILLY MALONE loses no time IN
shouting fraud
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

sry,ros MALONE will please step down
and out
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

Troy, November 3.-Thomas Dickson,
Republican, is elected member of the As
sembly in the Third district of Repssclsr
county. He gets nearly 1000 majority in
the Democratic wards Of Troy.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

RocHHsTEs, November 3.-The weather
ls tAir bat light vote is being poIled
Frederick Cook, the Democratic candidate
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

PErasssuRo, Ncvember The Secre-
tsry Of the Republican Committe at Lynch.
burg telpsrspbs that 756 colored voters
were left in line in the Third ward there
when the polh closed.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

vup1clrED! Big Y.
Wu,x's that slippery old ooon'
Tyr old coou's dead, dead, dead!
Srv,-oE MALONE will please step down
and out
s,r BrLLT MALONE loses no time in
.houting fraud
TEE Mugvuupiap vail can now Os heard
in the lard
o.g Eoysl Mr.. MAHOSE, what's the
matter vid yeH
Urr the Cincinnati Enquirer please
note the si,uatiOn2
The ensaDguiDed shirt of Mr., SHERMAN
v.s of color esterday.
Tug election Of Governor HUI places
,bs Democracy in command Of New York
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

II, ola coon's dead, dead, dead!
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-04

WNcHEsrER, November 3.-Shenandosh
county goes Democratic, gain ofA mem
bers of The Legislature.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
Practical Stock Breeding.

Uuder this heading the Rural Canadi-
an says; A scrub heifeT bred to thor
oughbred bull for her first cali, and then
repeatedly bred to the same bull will
improved in her breeding so that each
succeeding calf will be better than the
preceding one and this to greater extent
than if she had been bred to different
bulls though all equally good and of the
same blood. This rule holds good with
horses and sheep as well as cattle. Stick
a pin right here. If you are breeding
cattle get good bull and keep him. If
you calculate to breed Durhams, do so
if Holsteins or any other breed do 50
but don't breed to Durham bull one
year and Holstein the next. You
must stick to the one thing if you expect
to breed good grades of either; and more
than this COW that has once beer bred
to scrub bull if bred promiscuously to
different bulls even of the same breed,
will never produce as good succession
calves as she would if bred several times
in the same individual bull.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
ToDyspeptics.

The most common signs Of DySpepsla, on
indigestion, are an oppression a. the
stomach. nausea, fatuIency, water-brash,
heartburn, vomiting. less of appetite, and
constipation. Dyspeptic patients suffer un-
told miseries, bodily and mental. They
should stimulate the digestion, and secure
regular daily action Of the bowels, by the
use Of moderate doses of
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
Millinery Business
FOR SALE.

wish 70 say to the LADIES that have en-
gagged Miss Mary stegmier, a frst-class mill
liner recently from the East, who viii wait
on the ladies and trim to order in any style
wished. Also viii sell goods at actual cost
in order to reduce stock to close out.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

That modern Diana, wife OF the
Marquis de Mores has recently returned
from ten days'hunt in company with
twelve or fifteen gallant cowboys in the
neighborhood Of Medora, during the
absence Of her liege.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
FASHIONABLE
|lRESSMAKIN| |
MISSES RoBINsoN 8 YERKEs
F. w. VAN ALLEN.

MISSES ROBINSON & YERKES
Have opened dressmaking establishment
in the building formerly occupied as business
office ofthe CHRONICLE, on Bozeman Street,
and solicit the patronage ofthe ladies of Boze-
man and surrounding co dntry. Dresses
made In the most FASHIONABLE STYLE.
and perfect ut guaranteed.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

Civil Engineer and Draughtman.
office-osborne Block, Main Street, Boze-
man.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
ENGINEERS.
EO. t. wICKEs

GEO. t. WICKEs,
G. f. and M. E. U. S. Deputy Mining
ENGINEER.
OFFICE, over VIM. Awards drug store. P.
.. Box $50, Bozeman.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
NO CREDIT,
Goods Sold for Cash Only.

/ will again ask those who are indebted to
the late Mrs. VIVA. B. Bowen to call and settle
their accounts without further notice, for
must and win close the books.
Most Respectfully Yours,
VIM. B. BOWEN.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

We transact a general banking busi-
ness. Buy Territorial, County and Gov
eminent securities.
Buy and sell exchange on the CONNER
cial centres Of the United States and
Europe. Collections receive prompt at
tention.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
Ayers Pills.

After the bowels are regulated, one Of these
Pulls, taken each day after dinner. is usually
all that is required to complete the cure.
AYEa's PILLS are sugar-cOated and purely
vegetables pleasant, entirely safe, and re-
liable medicine for the cure of all disorders
OF the stomach and bowels. They are
the best Of all purgatives for family use.
PREPARED BY
Dr.J.C.Ayer&CO., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all Druggists.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

POBERT P. GREEN,
U. S. DEPUTY MINERAL SURVEYOR.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
NELSON STORY, E.. MARTIN,
J. E. MARTIN, ED. B. LAMME
l.. s. WILSON.
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26

MRS. GEO. BUTLER,
The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-08-26
BANKING HOUSES.
THEGALLATIN VALLEY NATIONAL
BANK OF BOHEMIAN.

PAID UP CAPITAL, 100000.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11


Grant hasn't more sincere mourner than
| am"
Although the ministers very generally
paid tribute to the memory of the dead
general in their discourses Sunday, at no
church was contribution teF N up for
the monument to bs erected in his honor.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11

Joseph Trcan, the alleged professional
swimmer, was arrested in Davenport yes
terday morning at the request of j. M.
Buford, of Rock Island, who telephoned
the police that Joseph had scampcred
away from St. Luke's hospital, having
failed To liquidate the Indebtedness in
cured for two weeks treatment. 1t will
be remembered Trean had his foot
smashed several weeks ago while stepping
from the ferry boat to the dock, 1t being
caught between the timbers Trcan is
evidently an impostor, Judging from his
own confession. Upon arriving at Dav>
export several weeks ago he represented
that he was swimming down the Missis-
slppi from st. Paul to ST Louis on
wager that he could not perform the feat
in three months. Naturally many favors
and CourtcsIes were extended him. which
under other circumstances would not
have been. 1t was suspected at thetime
that he was an impostor A few weeks
have sufficed to develop the true charac>
ter of this Neptune. He presents sorry
spectacle as regards personal appearance.
He WAS minus hat, wore a pair of pan,
falcons sawed of at the knees, which, as
the boys would say, "tit him too quick, -
and d pair of ladies' hose He wore an
old shirt and his head was protected by a
handkerchief. This costume he employed
as the dress of citizenship and also util-
lied it as his bathing suit, manifesting
supreme indifference TO his slouchy and
uninViting appearance. Trean admitted
that he was from Boston, Mass, and had
not been to st. Paul, claiming that the
companion who had accompanied him
robbed him Of 5000 at Burlington a most
unplausible story. AT Burlington Trean
boarded the c., L Il Q, and landed near
Carbon Clitl, opposite Port Byron. A
farmer named John Suess. who
claimed Trean stole revolver and suit
of clothes from him, and was in the city
yesterday and wanted a warrant sworn
out for bis arrest, rehcarsing his exploits
in that vicinity. To one honest, horny
handed tiller of the soil Trean is said TO
have represented that he was expecting a
large fortune from an eastern uncle, who
had made him heir to his entire estate.
As he has ready tongue and is plausi-
bic talker, he made a good impression
upon the farmers, who finally realized
their good natures had allowed themselves
to be imposed upon, Trean left for Port
Byron and from there it is supposed he
started on his swimming voyage from st
Paul to st, Louis" Joseph has no mon
ey and his personal effects are worthless
and consequently his hospital bill will
probably remain unpaid. That Joseph
has been unmasked will prevent imposi-
tion on the guileless Davenport Gazette.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11
THE MARKETS.
CHICAGO, Aug. 10

CHICAGO, Aug. 10.
The market quotations on the board of
trade to-day we're as follows: Wheat
No 2 August opened SsaIc closed SSc;
September, opened 9J14 closed s9Xc, Oc-
tober, opened 921S closed 92Ac Corn
September, opened 471&c, closed 1910; OcJ3-
ber, opened 461sc, closed 45%s. UaJs-No.
2 Augu,t, opened 26c closed 2556c; Septem-
Der, opened and closed y; October,
opened and closed 25A. Pork-August,
opened and closed $9521; September,
opened ami clo,ed 81 5215; October,
opened 50 6216, closed $96O Lard--Au-
gut, opened 50. .3711, closed $685.
Live stock-The Union STOCK yards reports 3
the following range of prices: Hogs
Market moderately active and prices nrm
and 5(0l0 higher than saturday; light
grades 81. 1904 80; rough packing, $4.O0@
43J; hsavy packing, s.. 30M46O. Cattle
Generally stronger; shipping, 81 i50@5 80;
butchers, 81 O0@42J; stockers, $300G4. 25;
Texans, S3.OO@4 10. Sheep-Weak; com
mon to fair, S2O0@3,2O; good to choice,
s. 35G425
Produce: Butter--Gilt-edged creamery,
1g@eOc, fancy dairy l5@l6c; packing 6(97c
per lb. Eggs-l0Wll19c per doz. Potatoes
81 504l7j per bbL Poultry-Sprlng
chickens, e@9c, and old hens. &c per 10;
turkeys, lie, and ducks, l0@llc per Ib
Apples-New, $LO0&2.O0 per Dbl. Berries
HE'D raspberries, $L0O@l 80 per 24-pt case; !;
blueberries Sl5o@L55 per loot case;
| blackberries 81 COG |. IS per l6,qt case.
New YORK.
NEW YORk. Aug. 10
Wheat-Heavy and "a &c lower. with a
| moderate Speculative business; No | white
nominal; No. red September, sL0l%@
Log; do October, $l.03M pln4; do Novem-
Der $L05s@Wl. .p5%; do December, Sl07;
do January, 81 0y9s Corn k0Hc lower;
mixed western spot, 52@554c; future , 5l@
| 5i34c. Oats-A shade easier; western 81
143c. ProviSIonS-Besf duh; new extra,
$1,000 Pork, dull and heavy; new mess,
| Sll6lL25 Lard, dull and lower; steam :
rendered, St. 60
St. Louis.
ST. LOUIS, Aug TO-
Wheat-Opened easy, partially recovered
then broke again ami closed 15@9sc below
| Friday; No. , red cash, 99t5@99%lc; Au-
gust, 99c; September, leo s ;sOctobersl O2L
| C5rn SLOW ami traction lower: cash. Al.
@45c; August, 4214 14Ii39s eptem5er 1875 a
| 46c: October, AIS, 0ats-Ca,h lower,
23A&244e options steady; September
23i&c; UctObHr, r3hc Rye-Quet; 54Ilc
Whi-ky Steady; $ll3 Provisions Pork,
firm but slow, SOLO LarI-Nominal;
Sc S596 377ac
Milwaukee.
MILWAUKEE, Wis, Aug. 10
| Wheat-DnIl; Milw .ukee No. 2, SS%c;
September, S9Xc; October, t921ic Corn
g, 251sc Rye-Firm; No. l, 5S1<c. Bar
ley Steady; No. ?, 651l
| Toledo.
! TOLEDO, Aug. TO-
Whsat-Inactive; No red cash and Au.
/ "a. 4. ne ~
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11

Richter said no man can either live
piously or die righteous without wife.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11
Blaine's tribute to the Dead.

AUGUSTA, Me-, Aug 11.-At a public
meeting, held here in memory of Gen.
Grant, Saturday, Hon James G. Blame
was the orator. He paid glowing tribute
to the dead commader, and closed as fol.
lows:
The Union was saved by the victory of
the army commanded by Gen. Grant
No menace OF its destruction had ever
been heard since Gen. Grants victory be-
fore the people Death holds a flag of truce
over its own. Under that flag friend
and foe sit peacefully together, passions
stiled; benevolence restored, wrongs re-
paired, ami justice done. 1t is impossible
that career - long so prominent SO posi-
tive as that of ten. Grant should not have
provoked strife and engendered enmity.
For more than twenty Years from the death
Of Lncuin to the clo.e Of his own life Gen
Grant wa, most conspicuous in America;
one TO whom leaders looked for leadership;
upon whom partisans built their hopes of
victory, to whom personal friends by tens
of thousands offered their devotion. 1t was
according to the weakness and strength of
human nature that counter movements
should enSue; that Gen. Grants primacy
should be challenged; that his party shonld
be resisted; that his devoted friends should
be confronted 10y jealous men in his own
ranks and by bitter enemies in the ranks
of his opponents But all these resentments
| are buried in the grave which to-day re-
ceives his remains Contention respecting
his rank a. commander ceases, and Unionists
| and Confederates alike testify to his powers
in battle and his magnanimiiy in peace.
| The controversy over the civil administr a
ti0ns closes, a. Democrat and Republican
unite in pronouncing him to have been in
! every act and every aspiration an American
| patriot
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11

E. W. Hurst represents the leading
American and Foreign Insurance Co.'S
Policies carefully written at current rates.
Agency established 1874 Office over
Rock Island National Bank.
There is one thing to be said in favor
of the mosquitoes. They must sing but
they never whistle.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11

CHARLESTON, w. Va, Aug lL-John
Baker of Eagle, Fayette county, a soldier
who fought with Grant at Vicksburg, was
until Saturday the pnssessur of a horse
which was shot while Gen. Grant was upor
his back the day before NIcksburg fell
Though the animal was sound and
without a blemish, except the scar he
received at VIcksburg from which he some
times went lame for short time in wei
weather. last Thursday he refused food,
and in spite of treatment by veterinary
doctor, grew sick AMI die / Saturla after,
noon. Mr.. Baker will preserve the horse
hide, have it tanned and made into me
ruentoes for his Old comrades.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11
The Lnndnn rres. nn the Fnneral.

Tho LOndon fTess on the Funeral.
LONDON. Aug 1.-THE London papers all
contain articles on the funeral of the late
Gen Grant, and are unanimous in conclud-
ing that it was a wonderful and impressive
cortege.
The Times prints a three column account
Of the funeral procession, and contains a
leading editorial highly eulogistic Of the
dead general, and recalling many of his
personal trait.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11
Notice to Contractors.

Sealed proposals will be received at the
office of the city clerk of Rock Island
H., for the construction of a bridge
across Rock river, near Milan, ILL., Said
bridge to be either combination or iron
144 feet long; roadway 20 feet. Bids tc
be received until 2 o'clock p. M, Angus
%, 1885. The right to reject any or al
bids is reserved.
T. M. SrNNETT.
M. M. BRIGGS,
JOHN G. LAFRENz,
Bridge Committee.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11

LOWELL Mass, Aug. l1.-Memorial
services We're held hers. A eulogy was pro-
nounced by Gen. b. F. Butler. He began
with the quotation, "We come to bury
Caesar, not to praise him, and proceeded to
say that there was no need to praise a
soldier who performed with fidelity,
and every measure Of success, every duty i'm
posed on him, with,patriotism never doubted
He denied that Grant had harbored the
thought of so-called Gee ,arism;" referred
to the charges against his second admins
tration a. groundess, and warmly vouched
for his sterling integrity and honor through
out his financial troubles in Wall street. and
closed with an estimate of him as a soldier,
in which he declared him military genius.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-11
Milwaukee.

MILWAUKEE, Wis, Aug. 10
Wheat-DnIl; Milw 4ukse No. 2, SS%c;
September, s9Xc; October 1920, Corn
STEADY; No ,, 47c. Oats Weak; No
., 25sc. Rye-Frm; No l, 5s1lc Bar,
ley Steady; No. ,. 63A.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21
For Lovers of the Antique.

Looking into antiquity, the date at
which the following jokes were COM
paratively fresh seems to be about as
appended;
A great attraction--a magnet
1881.
The cradle is the rock of ages,
1890.
Frozen fruit--a nice seckel pear
1862.
Can mustard plasters be classed a:
drawing materials 2 1888.
A mustard plaster may not be very
artistic, but it draws well. 1925.
They call them flies in a theatre be
cause they have wings on each side
1754.
Two physicians of different schools
quarreling over the merits of theil
diverse theories, are an absurd para
dox. 1746.
A bawl-room-the nursery. Enoch
got this off when Methuselaw was a
baby.-Marlborough Times.
Because Chinaman has a pri.
vate cue it does not necessarily follow
that he is an adept at billiards. This
is far fetched, but so is the Chinaman
170S.
"Well, John, how is business will
you? "Bad, very. bad" "You have
not been able to make anything
them" "Oh, yes l have" "What p
can assignment" "Oh" 1867
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

makes towards of us ALL" It would
seem an almost impossible task to Sc
crete one hundred and forty-seven
watches in single garment, but never
theless one individual succeeded in do
ing so. Unfortunately he found a
difficulty in sitting down, and the con-
tinued fatigue of keeping his feet dur:
ing long voyage so told upon his
nerves, that, fancying he was detected
and watched, he gave himself up to
justice, literally clothed in his own con-
fusion. Here we have four tin boxes
about an inch in depth, and about
two feet square, having capacity of
four and a half gallons, which filled
with spirits, were found hidden below
the clothing in passengers boxes.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21
The Lightning Cash-Boy.

A white and tottering old man
leaned against the 5-cent counter in
a Christmas toy store.
A middle-aged man streaked with
gray approached him.
"Ah," said the old man, extending
his wrinkled hand, lit seems to me |
have seen your face somewhere be-
fore"
"Are you the spruce young man
who bought II cents worth of goods
here and had cents change coming
to you? ?"
81 am he who was that spruce
young man." replied the white old
man, feebly.
81 thought so" said the middle-aged
man. "Here is your change. l am
the cash-boy."
"Ah, l did not expect you back so
soon," and the old man hobbled out.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21
Did Not Want Him.

"Good morning, sir" said young
Thermometer to the gentleman of the
house who had answered the bell.
"Tm q new Thermometer, with the
best of references, and would like to
engage with you for the winter"
Don't want you," replied the citi-
zen.
"You don't! Why winters here p
"Can't help it. I'm going by Wig
gins and the weather bureau this win
ter"
"But they're not reliable, sir"
81 don't give a cent. When they
say cold, I'm going to be cold, and
when they say warm I'm going to be
warm. This season Pm going to en-
joy myself, you bet. Good day.
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

"Where are you going, pet?" ask
ed a woman of her husband, with
whose relatives she was not on very
good terms. "I am going to call on
my folks" he replied; "but is not
this coat rather shabby I" eyes,"
replied his wife, turning up her nose
"but as long as YOU don't 60 among
decent people it is good enough" -
Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

"I don't know that it is malaria
that is, Pm-ah-" and don't he run
his fingers in a sweet, invalid style
through his hair, and over his sad,
sad eyes. 81 cawn't eat anything
you see-ah. My appetite is so deli
cate. 1t rejects cverything-ah." :"
"Have you tried Spiker's baby food p
she mildly suggested. And after he
had answered "no- ah," he really
looked quite distressed, and said he
thought he would "go home-ah.o--
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

A San Francisco 4-year-old was
observed making queer movements
with his elbow. His aunt ask him
what he was doing. "Crooking my
elbow" said precocious. "But what
are you crooking your elbow for,
johnny" "'Cause I want to Diet a
nice little strawberry on my nose"
"But that won't make strawberry,
Johnny" eyes it will, for the cook
says papa wouldn't have the big
strawberry on his nose if he didn't
crook his elbow so often."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21
How to Spoil q Cigar.

81 say, George, what do you pay
for these cigars ?"
FIFTY dollars thousand"
splendid cigar, George. Smokes
beautifully. Very fragrant. But
$50 is good deal of money to pay
for cigars"
"Why, that's only 8 cents apiece"
"Ah, that's so. Was thinking il
was so cents apiece. l thought it was
dreadful price for such miserable
roll Of dried cabbage. don't SEE
how you can smoke the things
Chicago News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

A man in the train was heard to
groan so frightfully that the passen-
gers took pity on hin, and one of them
gave him a drink out of whisky
flask. "Do you feel better?" asked
the giver. 81 do" said he who had
groancd. "What allied your" "Ailed
me-" eyes what made you groan
so ?" "Groan! Great land of free
dom, / was singing FIX.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

"Very cold last night, Mr.. Town.
send," observed the reporter. "Cold
1 should say so. Went home; lit a
candle; jumped into bed; tried to
blow candle out; couldn't do it; blaze
frozen had to break it off," replied
Mr.. Townsend.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

An Oakland obituary notice refer
red to a deceased citizen as having
"gone to a happier home" The widow
is about bringing a libel suit.-San
Francisco Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

1t is said that bleeding a partially
blind horse at the nose will restore
him to sight. So much for the horse.
To open a mans eyes you must bleed
him in the pocket.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

"There's many slip between the
couple and the lip" sardonically para
phased young Mcleod as he vainly
essayed to kiss his best girl.-The
Hatchet.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

"Has that baby got the jaundice ?"
asked cranky old bachelor of a
young mother. "Of course it hasn't.
Why do you think so ?" Because it
is such an ugly yeller. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-21

LEND me your ear a minute" re-
marked Mrs. Brown to her husband
the other evening. "Will you give it
back to me?" he inquired with mock
anxiety. "Of course l will, you
idiot Do you suppose l want to
start tannery ?" She got the ear
N. Y. Graphic.