The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-30
HUMOR.

A LEGISLATOR il . pow-wowerfuls
man.
A SUCCESSFUL ohiropodist is corn
curing hero.
LAWYERS like long fees and brief
employment.
"AHl these enchain my fancy" re-
marked the prisoner, as the Sheriff put
him in the chain gang. Week
w.
MOTHER. is my chignon perfect?
Shape my paniers, NIX my sash:
Johnny's coming In the cleaning.
And want to make mash
Chicago Sun.
~HE laughs best who laughs last"
Therefore the man who catches onto q
joke after everybody else has got
through laughing over it is the best
man.-Boston Transcript
AN exchange says: NEARLY all the
newspapers uphold the skating rink"
Observation shows that the skaters
need more upholding than the rink
especially the amateurs. -Norristocn
Herald.
WHEN Bacon remarked to queen
Bess" that she didn't know her own
mind, what made the utterance partic-
ularly nutritious? Because it would
have been rash enough in any one, but
was little rasher Of Bacon.-Yonkers
Gazette.
sHE's blonde. and has long dropping lashes.
And no skater moro graceful nor rash Is,
As around like meteor she flashes:
And she prates In the ear
OF friend very dear;
Say Kate I've made seventeen mashes
-AO1Tist Torn Herald.
You would hardly notice the similar
ity between them, and yet the only diff
ference between little bird and ward
politician just before election time is
that the little bird pipes his lays while
the politician lays his pipes. -Soner-
vilte Journal.
THE SKATERS CoNJUGATIoN.
skate thou skarest, he skates:
fall. thou falles he falls;
hate. thou latest. be hates
To hear q girl laugh-h0w 1t Rallsl
strap. thou strap, est he straps:
j swear, thou swsarert. he swears:
Isnap. thou snappest. no snaps
Suspenders. and every one stares.
-Nec York Journal
NO." SHE said, positively, Il cannot
marry you. DO not ask me why. but
CO." az must ask you why" he pleaded.
Il am street-car driver at IA shillings
a day, and can offer you luxurious
home. Think twice before you ruth
lessly cast aside q warm heart Like
NINE" "Your fortune is ample and your
heart is warm, no doubt" she replied,
still unmoved; "but as you are q street
car driver 1 shudder when think how
cold your feet must be."-New York
Times.
OF COURSE 1T Is.
It's better to laugh than be crying;
It's better to give than to take:
It's better to live than be dying,
And bread is much better than cake
It's better to love than be fighting;
It's better to lose than to win:
It's better to lead than be writing.
And women are better than men.
It's better to go than to larry;
It's better to smile than 10 pout;
But whether it's better to marry
Or not would like to lind out.
II. q. Dodge. an Chicago Sun.
SPEAKING of mathematical jokes,
some years ago / was witness to curl
Gus wager between Charles Backus and
Joseph Murphy, the comedians. The
latter had told a story, which do not
remember, illustrated by the curious
action of number of wooden tooth
picks peculiarly arranged and set on
fire. "Show me that again" said
Backus, land Ill bet bottle of wine
1 can travel free to San Francisco by
just telling that story to the conductors
en- the way" "Done!" exclaimed Muir
ply, and the two men of the profession
who are popularity supposed never to
have spent a penny for wine shook
hands to bind the wager. Backus lost
it. 1 asked him the circumstances.
"Why," he exclaimed, Murphy had
just worked his way over the roads by
showing it to them; and every one L
spoke to about it said: Chestnut I
consider that Murphy took undue adj
vantage of an innocent man." When
repeated this to Murphy he maintained
that he had learned the trick from
conductor, and added: There's moth
ing Charley Backus can teach them fell
lers."
MODERN sELKIRK.
I'm monarch of all / survey,
My right there is none to dispute,
Skatorial artist au fat,
In my plum colored velveteen suit
The darlings they cannot escape
The glance OF my all-searohiug eye.
The creatures are struck on my shape,
Their fingers squeeze on the sly,
No longer the man who has brains
Can overwhelm me with defeat
Poor fool for the sake of his pains
He's crowded upon back seat.
At polo I'm very distingue,
As "Rusher' m not very lame:
Hove TO jump into the ring
And capture the girls as my game.
sweet little daisy In blue
Hangs onto my arm every night.
While her mamma with motherly view
Enraptured looks upon the sight
Ha! hal they all think am meek
And haven't a brain in my head:
Inside of very short week
The lass of a plumber II wed