The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1885-07-01

II was in a private boarding house on
Granite street, and the tall, gaunt man
took his seat at the table, and turning to
The MINER reporter three seats away, an
nounced in q loud voice that he had passed
through q remarkable experience.
.Tndeed!' remarked the ever-alert pencil
pusher. with an attempt to look interested.
MAY 1 ask you what it vast"
Certainly. l thought you would want to
know. / have been hitting the pipe"
Hitting the pipe?"
Eyes; having an opium debauch. If you
want a new experience, try the pipe. 1t Is
beastly, but novel. had an opium dream
that made my hair turn short in a single
hour. l thought l was being led through
an enchanted valley by q yelled lady and
a hideous Chinaman. The ground was
paved with gold, emeralds and rubies; the
trees bore silver fruit, and the branches re-
sembled icicles of fantastic form. There
were banks of chocolate, ice cream, and
hillocks of pies; cakes and buildings rose at
intervals on either side, while every few
yards we passed fountains that spOuted
forth streams of Schmidt & Gamers beer"
"Oh! how dreadful, - exclaimed q horror
stricken member OF the Woman's Christian
Temperance Union.
every dreadful" replied the tall, gaunt
man, with q smile of approval. "We didn't
drink" The yelled lady and the hideous
Gilman next conducted me to the foot OF
climbed for seven hours, finally stepping of
into a forest, the trees OF which grew to an
astonishing height. Upon the top OF each
was an elephant, and every bright particu-
lar beast held in his trunk a portrait OF the
girl I loved when a kid, the admirable OBJ
iect of my pappy love. The woods were
filled with a soft, sweet melody,
but as we proceeded, dark, deep
| holes or pits began to appear all about as
| from which flames of fire and volumes OF
| s%ulphurous smoke arose, and at intervals
| of five seconds, hands, feet, and distorted
| countenances were thrust at us, and gut
| teral oaths and foul epithets were heard.
I told my attendants that l was tired and
| wanted to rest. We sat down upon a
bench, which Immediately arose toa height
of ten miles, when it began falling at a
terrific rate of speed. Our descent was
made pleasant by innumerable owls with
red wings, and eagles with monkeys heads
flying about us, cracking Jokes and repeat
ing the shorter catechism. When we reach
ed terra tirma, it turned out to be an
island in mid-ocean, a barren rock,
inhabited by snakes, lizards and ducks
Each OF the latter played upon a Jews
harp, while the snakes brought us biscuits
aud cheese, which they held in their fOrked
tails. At this point l vent to sleep, and
when l awoke found myself astride OF a
horse that could talk. The animal Informed
me that his name was Bucephalus. After
travelling q long distance we came in sight
of a large crowd Of people, animals and rep
tiles-perhaps 1O,OOO-of all kinds and
creeds. In the first group we came to were
Capt. Reynolds, Constable Engel, DIR. Bishop
and Judge French playing "draw" witt
a copy of Chinatown, Schunk's rules on the
ground near by. The next parsonage wal
John Stahlman, on a bicycle, riding
around amidst the crowd trying tc
pass a quarter which had been perforated
A score or more OF Joyce's defunct BARRIERS
were lathering and scraping the bones o
the people killed in the Wood River Miner
Union War. At this moment my hors'
turned into a snowflake and melted befor,
my eyes, and / mingled with the throng.
saw Christians reading the Koran
Mohammedans talking about the Ariol
Halle Can-Can; saw monks training
for the prize ring; women playing
baseball; ostriches smoking Elite cigars
geese playing checkers; mules running sew
ing machines; cowboys hoeing cabbage
preachers pulling teeth; Quakers dancing
Indians compiling dictionaries; gambler
preaching; editors writing English; credi
tors giving more time; office-holders resign
ing, and
The tall gaunt man stopped suddenly
His battered body fell upon the cold hare
floor with a dull, sickening thud, and tn
boarders voted The MINER reporter a reso
luton of thanks for killing him.