Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-05-23
BRIGHT BITS.

A BRASS BAND has been engaged to play
regularly at New York church. Now if the
minister VIII only preach his sermon from
trapeze the services Will be complete Boston
Globe.
THOSE MEN who are anxiOusly waiting for
the once TO seek them are seriously troubled
by the conviction that the Office has sat down
70 rest or given up tae search entirely 20
change.
a PIANO PLAYER should be strong fingered.
A plckp0cket should be long fingered. There
may Ike other small differences, but they can
Republican.
THE world now makes use of 6s, 900 miles of
submarine cables, mostly for the purpose of
advertising travelling actresses and announc-
ing the deaths OF people nobody ever heard of.
-L0aoeH Citizen.
WITH pleasure, Clarissa. will we endeavor
10 INFORM you what the difference is between
spring water and spring pOetrT: One is run
out OF the ground and the other is run into
the ground; that's an.--Y0nbers Statesman.
AS a Snowman SIR. Forepaugh is an un-
douhted success, ami as a spectacular affair
MS display professions do him credit; but,
somehow, we fail to remember Just where his.
tory records the fact that the Roman VIRGINS
used to carry umbrellas while driving their
charlots on the Appisn way. Col, FOreuaugh
ought to have little chat with Henry Irving
ON the subject of attention TO details Wash
ipgt0B Star.
SHAKESPEARE the "laughng stock' of Bos-
ton-The Boston Globe said: "sMarcns An
tonius,' the extremely cultivated substitute
Tor Shakespeares plain Mark Antony, which
IS coupled with the rather pleDeian name of
Jones in the cast Of characters for the Har-
ward performance Of Julius Cesar is an
aHectation that is the laughing stock of the
town." Whereupon the TraRseriDt gently
replied: "'Marcus AntOnius' is the extremely
cultivated appeilatiOn used by Shakespeare
himself in his list of characters"
ADVANTAGEs or BARBER's SHAVE
Scene; Terrible railroad accident. Two
friends crawllng from under the debris. First
SurVlyor-"Good gracious, Jack, hurry up to
the nearest town and have a surgeon dress
your face. Your jaws and chin are fright
tully lacerated." Second Survivor-"Oh,
tn i nothing; am used to it.p First Sur
yiYor-"Use 10 it! You certainly was never
in railroad accident before?" Second Sur
vivoF-',NO, but ALWAYS have been shaved
at barber's."-PhflddelDhta CAL.
CURBsToNE BROKER scene, Chicago)-"My
friend, would not you like to make some
money? can give Won some points,"
StrangeT-"Oh can you?''
'Yes, indeed. You juet put up all you can
spare on A II c and Y Y Z Railway stock and
you'll make a nice thing by it,
Put it up with you"
'Oh, OF course. Pm q broker"
I'm smarter"
I'm three card monte man. v-Phizadel-
10hia CGH.
TWO MEN, strangers to each other. sat side
by side IN the Brush street, depot the other
day. One was a corpuleut. pOmpous man,
and the other under sized and humble look ,
ing. a third man Approached, and without
looking at either one inquired: "Sav Major.
VIII you tell me what time the Niagara Falls
train leaves this slde?" Both men pulled out
their watches andmade answer IN chorus ,ibut
as they did 50 the pompOus man turned in his
seat and said: II suppose he was addressing
me, as he mentioned my title" '.Did Won saw
MajorY' asked the little man Of the INQUIRER.
IL believe did" "Oh-ah! I beg n thousand
pardons. | understood you to say Colonel.
and supposed, Of course, you meant me :"
The big man lost fifteen pounds Of flesh in the
next two minutes, and ii took twenty minutes
hard walking under the freight sheds TO cool
him OG.-Detrot Free Press.