Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-10-15
WIT AND H;J1IOR.

inventor pnlZ. boston osk.
It is rule the world over that where
woman is lovely her immediate male
concomitants are on the other extreme
- IhoniaSUiiie (Ga. ENTERPRISE
Doctor-.For dinner take forty min
utes."
Timd patient Would it be danger
ons TO add a piece of meat and some
vegetable" -Jewtss Messenger.
"A servant-girl who permits no
familiarity on the part of tile gentle
man of the house" advertised for
place in Cincinnati, and received $50
answers in two days-all from ladies.
A Pittsburg base ball club is called
the -Four Aces The other day a
little nine-spot club came along and
euchercd them. They didn't suppose
it was ''in the cards. - AorristoUn
Herald.
News from London says the demand
for the revised Bible was very disap-
pointing to the publishers. Perhaps
new novel by Ouida or NJ. lola was
thrown on the market about the same
time. - NorriStoDn Herald.
is vanity and a striving after wind. -
There must have been theatrical mana
gers in those days rs well as now,
whose greatest object in life was the
newspaper puff. Picks Sun.
OF the nine great musical composers
of Germany not one of them had face
an average man would like to meet on
lonely road at twilight's solemn
hour. He could count on either being
dunned or thumped. "A Sour CRITICS
Opinion.
us that the crowd going out to the
races. or is it a ratification meetingP"
Neither, stranger; that man walking
so fast in front is a country merchant;
the 700 other fellows you see are drum
mers. They'll set him stranger. -
Courier-Journal.
Boarding house mistresS-''P Poor
little fellow! He has been overcome by
the heat. He's so weak I'll have to
carry him to bed" Boarder-.'Why
not take this cup of coffee with you?
It's a good deal weaker than the boy
is. - hitadetphsa cal.
BOSS. hab yoa got any oh dem con-
found cavortlc puts!
Yes. Do you want them plain or
coatcd?"
Dunno. want dem ones what's
whiic-washcd. =
He got EN-. - ler,tS Sytings.
A Western citizen who had been
worsted i'll light was told That he
could collect damages Il did collect
damages" lie replied mourntuly. ~
collected everything bul Il piece OF my
lcii ear and Two front tectil; | couldn't
find those. "-Neto lors Iemcs.
4 little boy in town said the other
day that he had seen all kins of birds.
giving in his list ..woolp ckcrs. /"
'@oodchuckers. and ..dictiona les. .
After much questioning it WAS found
that he meant by the latter Dick -cana-
rics. "-LaWrence { HISS Aalericei.
During the Sunmer season the daily
papers in the largest cities suspend
their Religious Intelligence column.
Something must be crowded out to
make room for the rush of base ball
news, and the least readable depart
ment has 10 go NorrtStown Heruld.
There is at least this balm for the
beaten boating boys of Yale. Presi-
McCosh of Princeton declares that as a
rule the leading atalctcs in college are
the poorest scholars. 1t must seem to
the Yale men that the Harvard fellows
can even read aud write. >c,o York
World.
Several cadets at the Naval Academy
charged with the bcinous offense OF
''kissing their hands and in various
ways flirting with the pretty girls on
the steamer" that passed them. are
undergoing an examination. Oh course
they should DC eourt-martia.ed and
shot.
A New York cork-mcrchant who
ought to know better, says: ..All OUT
corks are taken from the bark of the
cork oak. Nonsense. There are more
corks taken from beer and champagne
bottles in America every year than he
ever saw taken from all the oaks in the
park. = Brookiyn Eagle.
do You know a man by the name of
Legion?" inquired Dumley of friend.
Legion? No. / never heard of him"
'Jenkins told me last night that |
had been called the biggest fool jack
ass on earth, and when demanded the
mans name he said it was Legion. Pm
looking for him. Puck.
New York papers tell OF "a corpse
held for debt We shouldn't think it
would be much trouble to hold a
corpse. If some OF tile live men of that
city who are in debt to bank deposit
ors could be held long enough to
prevent them from skipping to Canada
it would be better oryfStoUH Hcrettd.
Some parties in Hickman, Ky. claim
to have captured a monster catfish. in
the masticating sack of which they
found $50 in gold and $3.50 in silver
tied up in rag. !; looks rs if this was
another queer fish, probably President
of a marine bank-onc of the banks of
the Mississippi ON his way to Canada.
1ertS .SUt MS.
There is only one thing that makes
me doubt the truth Of the gospel said
Cross when Ross. who is al earnest de-
votee, was trying 10 persuade his
friend to turn from the error of his
ways.
What is that?' asked Ross.
H6 dIl)ohtCS hEit bSdli sill
men. So. Pan! lie aid.
''rhey are making II door with five
keyholes," said Mrs. Aurcr. Whats
the use in having SO manyPn asked
MIR. Anger. at Will be much easier to
unlock. You caa find it much more
easily when you come home late, re-
piled the kind lady. Rubbish" re-
sponded Mr.. Auger. "Idiocy! When
come home late one kcyhole is about
all care 10 find. "-Puck.
Florence Marryat says there is to be
a race for supremacy between the sexes,
and that men will never be inspired
with proper regard for women until
women sit dawn on them. Taking
these two statements together. it APP
pears to us that the race for suprema-
CIV, as far as women are concerned, is
to be made under the rule of the skat-
ing-rinks-viz., in laps. = boston Cou-
rier.
One day last week, when the engines
were flying down Washington street in
response to an alarm of lire, a man
who was running was stopped by an
eager citizen in quest OF information,
VINO asked hurricdly of him: whats
;-iire?" TO which the other angrily re-
piled: whats lire? Why something
in state OF combustion, you fool!
Look at your dictionary! -BoStor
ffnreIfc