The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-12-23
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS
Bogus butter-A goat without horns.

Bogus butter-A goat without horns.
Rochester Post.
A vested interest-a waistcoat in
pawn.-Boston Globe.
A well preserved man is not neces.
sarily always in pickle.
If you cannot lick a man be lenient
with his faults. -Picayune~
Even a rich man occasionally borrows
trouble, although there is no reason why
he should Call.
Shakespeare was mistaken when he
said that a rose by any other name would
smell as wheat. -Hatchet.
A shoemaker may be poor all his life,
but if he will work he is sure to make
money at last. -Mswman Independent.
Call & Welcome is the name of a.
Western firm. They believe in the value
of NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Free Press.
The cannibals have an easier time Of
it than the man who eats shad. There
are only 24O bones in the human body.
Boston Posi-.
"Plenty Of room at the top" re-
marked a dealer as he opened an apple
barrel and found it only half full
DanoiM Breeze. ID,
Farmers, to make money, should raise
everything they consume, but they
should not consume everything they
raise. -Picoyune.
A Californian has discovered that no
man can keep over 5000 hens with any
profit to himself. If you have a hen too
many eat her.-Detrot Free Press.
A ChinaEan has just published a
book, in which he says, "Woman does
not require study to make herself per-
feet; she is born perfect. "-Pttsburge
Telegraph.
A new comedy is called "The Girl
with a Tin Heart" Nearly all the girls
have q tin heart when q young nan
comes around with a soft solder. Louis
oiWe Courier Journal
"Feed cabbage after milking" adj
vises a farmers paper. This is good as
far as it goes; but what we want to
know is what q man should feed to his
cabbages after he mi!ks thcm9-Puck.
King Humbert's face is said to wear
an habitually sad expression which puz-
zles his friends. Perhaps his majesty's
liver is out of order. We merely offer
this as a suggestion. -New York Graphic.
It now turns out that the flute was in
vented by Lydians about /, 200 years &c.
This is too long to hold resentment, and
we shall accordingly draw the slugs
| from our horse pistol Yonkers GGsstto.
An exchange says: "What are saucers
made of" That depends upon circum-
stances. If you break one you will find
it is made of very thin china, but if you
try to buy one to replace it, you will
find it is made of solid gold.-New York.
Graphic.
Some appreciative person has pre-
sented President Cleveland with photo
graph of Tom Moore's harp. The in
mates of the White House should re-
ioice that the present was not the harp
itself. The President can't play on the
photograph. -Morristown Herald.
1t makes the average woman shout
And dance and jump and shrek,
When she finds the note
In her husbands coat
That she gave him to post. and he carried
it about
In his pocket for more than a week.
PUCK.
"Who is that old dufer?" asked a
new groceryman of the milkman, as a
well. dressed man went by. "Why, he
is one of our most trusted citizens" was
the eloquent reply. ''How do you make
that out? "He has been owing me a bill
ever since came here. That's just how
we made it out" laughed the milkman
eleefulIy, and the groceryman scratched
bis head till he caught on.-Nerchant-
ITareler.
A pompous fellow was dining with a
country family, when the lady of the
house desired the selvant to take away
the dish containing the fowl, which
word she pronounced fool, as is not un-
common to Scotland. 81 presume,
madam, you mean the fowl" said the
prig, in a reproving tone. every, WE'LL"
said the lady a little nettled, "be it so.
Take away the fowl and let the fool re-
main. n-Pu6lc Opinion.