davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Press., 1885-01-08

"Here's good piece of advice, said Captain Quibley, putting aside newspa- per and turning to his wife. "A para graph here says that a man should never smoke pipe while going down stairs. In case he should fall, he would be likely to drive the stem through the roof of his mouth and out at the top of his head" "I never heard of such thing" replied Mrs. Quibley.
 "Its not by any means improbable, re- joined the captain" "There's our old friend, George Gaines. He is great smoker. you know"
 "Yes," with interest.
 "Well, the other day-I forgot to men, stairs and his foot slipped and down he vent He always smoked long stem pipe, you know"
 "Great goodness, Captain p ''Yes, he had passion for long stem pipes. One day, while he was out hunt ing, he found a cane root about five feet long. He took it home with him and had it bored out. Beats any"
 "But when he fell d;d he drive it through his head ?"
 "Oh, no. You see he had to stop smok- ing on account of his health, but wa go- ing to say for example" "Quibley, you are tho biggest fool I ever saw. Go on now and split up some wood. You ought to be ashamed of your. self to disappoint any one that way. Gen. Hampton says that while on his | Mississippi plantation he saw tame crow that could laugh and talk. The bird would say, "Hello.!'' "How are you ?" and several other things of like import. It was the most wonderful raven since the days of Barnaby Rudge and Edgar Poe. One morning a vast number of scrpws ,as- sembled in tree on the pIantationsa and prepared for pow-wow. The tame bird flew among them, and rearing up, saluted the congregation with brisk, Hello | How are you?" His astonished brethren scattered in alarm, as IS if they had been fired upon from "a mountain howitzer. This marvellous fowl of the air was to have been taken to the New Orleans exposition, but it's sudden disappearance prevented. Gen. Hampton surmises that some negro shot him by mistake.
The Press., 1885-01-08
PorAskA cures sudden colds and sore throats.

The Arizona editors believe that plain words are best. Here is the way in which one of them pays his compliments to his rival ''The red-nosed idiot who fathers the dirty little dish-rag in this town calling itself newspaper, is still engaged in mak- ing asinine remarks about us and the post office. Let the ornery cuss go on with his abuse we don't care. He remind, us of a fellow who should try to dye wool while it is on lambs back. And it isn't because he is lamb-dyer either; oh, no, quite the other way"
The Press., 1885-01-08

Es Economy is Wealth. No woman really practices economy unless she uses the Dia- mond Dyes. Many pounds can be saved every year. Ask your druggist. Only 1Oc. Sim. pie to use. Wells, Richardson & Coo. Eur ington, Vt. ESEE5zEEkgEsk
 Give tramp the cold shoulder one day and he will come back the next for erasy and po- tatoes to go with it. ~.
The Press., 1885-01-08

PATENTS for aor nssn10o a o ones. Caveats, Infringements, Trade-Marks and all patent business promptly attended to. "A a, i4 E INVENTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN REJECTED may still, in most cases, be patented by us Being opposite the U 5. Patent 0f6ce and engaged In PA TENT BUSINESS EXCLUSIVELY, we can secure patents in less time than those who remote from
 Washington. .5e tG u{ 33-, }"t EtEt E8 When Inventors send model or sketch, we make search in the Patent oce and advise tc its patent ability, FREE OF CHARGE. Correspondence cSEh~ dential; fees reasonable; and NO CHARGE UN- LESS PATENT IS OBTAINED.
 We refer by permission to the City Postmaster and to the Superintendent of the Post Office Money Order Division in Washington. For special references, cir cular, advice, &c, address, t}, sft f!agd c. A. SNOW & CO.,. la OPPosIrE PATENT OFFICE, WAsarNoroN, D. c.
The Press., 1885-01-08

FROM B. F. Leipsner, A. M., Red Bank, N J. was so seriously troubled with catarrh it seriously affected my voice. One bottle of Elys Cream Balm did the work. My voice is fully restored.-B. F. Liepsner.
The Press., 1885-01-08

"koUeH ON CoUsHs.n-Ask for Rough on Coughs for Coughs, Colds. Sore Throat Hoarseness. Troch'
 "RousH ON RArs."-Clears out rats, mice, reaches loc Druggists. "
 HEART PAINs.-Palpitation, Dropsicsl Sseiines Dizziness Indigestion, Headache, Seeplessness cured by Wells Health Renewer."
 ROUGE ON CoRNs."-Ask for Wells "Rough on Corns." l6c. Quick. complete cure. Hard or sofr corns, warts, bunions.
 .tRoUGH ON PAiN" PoRoUsED PLASTER: strength. ening improved the best for backache pains in chest or side, rheumatism, neuralgia.
 THIN PEOPLE -"Wels' Health Remover" restores vonsness, Debility. q.
 WHooPINs CoUeH, and the many Throat Afections or cn1idrey promptly, pleasantly and safely relieved nervous use "Wels' Health Renewer." s1. Druggists LIFE PREsERvER-H you are losing your grip on nie, try Wells Health Renewer." Goes direct to weak spots.
 r.,aia "RouSa ON ToorzAoaE"-Instant relief for Neu- Toothache." 16 and 26 cents.
 PRETTY WoMEN.-Ladies who would retain fresh- pess and yivacity Don't fail to try "Wells Health cArARKHxEs fnnd1T= zz1ss{IaoaA. Ksss.,n.Atr,.,- tatiny Coughs cods Sore Throat cated Sy Koupb a, on Coughs" Troches, 15c. Liquid, s25c
 ''RouGH ON IrcH.'-.Rough on Itchu cures hu- es 0fs fses ssaPa,|SRs sa THE Horx or fHs- zFIoI-d dhi,dren slow iu de, A EHsi.p,ass,nt ggny and nss els wIps Aw4ss thFss-oT 75F spusy eyssx rlvds seSsaS ss %sa ss Sass .%sss q csas. ss', p rsss Raisam; ssa. -.f.-r.r;.H iffs.t sssS.,- . enipg i@prysd, ESs sese sor nss n essst Sf s'de' rheumstisn, qsEsas
The Press., 1885-01-08

| A witty deacon puts it thus: "Now, breth- ren, let us get up a supper and eat ourselves rich. Buy your food; then give it to the church then go and buy it back again then eat it up, and wour church debt is paid"
The Press., 1885-01-08

Males Honey ythegreat Cough cure,2sc, SOC < q Glenn's Sulphur soap heals ( beautines, 3Sc. GerinanC0rn Renlovcr kills Corns Bunions hhrs nair aad Whiskes Cye-Black and Brown, soc
 Fixes ToOthache Drops cure in Minute, ,2Sc Beans Rheumatic Pills are sure cure. Soc
The Press., 1885-01-08

Ladies did not at first attend the ses- sions of congress, probably because in early days it was regarded as almest treas. onable for lady to enter the British houses of parliament But when the famous ''Jay treaty" was brought home for ratifi- cation, the house came near refusing to make an appropriation to carry it into ef- feet, and warm debates ensued. One night at 8 party, Mrs. Langdon, of New Hampshire, expressed her regret to Hon. Fisher Ames, of Massachusetts, that she could not hear the arguments, especially his speeches. Mir. Ames replied that he knew no reason why ladies should not be permitted to hear the debates. "Then," replied Mrs. Langdon, eff you will let me know when you next intend to speak l will make up party of ladies and we will go and hear you" The notice was given, the ladies went, and since then congress sional orators have always had fair hear ers, with others, perhaps, not very fair.
The Press., 1885-01-08

Le Figaro: A French missionary priest had returned home on furiough, and his friends were making many inquiries. s'Those savages, now, that you live among" asked one, ''are they really cannibais r" ''They 1! why, they even eat men on Friday!"
The Press., 1885-01-08

Buy B. H. Douglass .& Sons Perfected Capsicum Cough Drops for your children they are harmless, and Trade Mark every drop Retail price, IS cents per quarter poandss 4 ~3
The Press., 1885-01-08

'Maggie, don't like to see this dust on the furniture" "All right, mum. I'll shut the blinds right away" .
The Press., 1885-01-08

Vegetine meets with wonderful success in the cure of Cancer and Cancerous Humor
The Press., 1885-01-08

Coughs, Colds and Sore-Throat yield readily to B. H. Douglass Sons Perfected Capsicum Cough Drops. Retail price, 15 cents per quarter pound.
The Press., 1885-01-08

have received from fortune only frowns, And fickle fame has passed me coldly by: I oft have closely walked with cruel pain, And grief has forced from me full many sigh. But when into my heart Love sweetly smiled, Pain fed, dismayed and grief was stricken dumb;
 I care no more for fortune or for fame, Since thou, dear Love, into my life hast come.
 ELIzABKTH LANE YoUNe.
The Press., 1885-01-08
TRIPLES.
TRUST.

TRUST. God leads me- where, cannot tell;
 But this know, If within His paths do go
 All will be well. God leads me; led by His dear hand
 I cannot fall I trust the, One who knoweth all,
 And so shall stand. God leads me whether dark or bright My path shall be, He knows; dear Lord, I trust in thee,
 My Life and Light.
The Press., 1885-01-08

SooTE's EMvIaIeN oF PURE Con LIVER O11 WITH HFPoRHesRHFTEs, IS ESPECIALLY USEFUL FOR CHILpRFN's DIsEAsEs, as it acts both a, food and medicine, It not only gives flesh and strength by virtue of its own nutritious that builds up the wasted body.
The Press., 1885-01-08

A mule does not use his fore legs when kicking. He uses only two of them, but that Is enoughr
The Press., 1885-01-08

Public speakers and singers ind B. H. Douglass & Sons Perfected capscum Cough Drops sure reme- ipg h6asseneAa Retail pties IS cents per Quarer
The Press., 1885-01-08
D R. DAVID KEN IN EDY'S <NNo'..R|'l'.I.'h ..|'l' ,IbqaH yd Y ~
 REM MEDY., m

platnts, COmstfpatiom, and all ,disordsra arising from an impurs state of the BLOOD.
 liar to their sey it ia sn unSsfiinr ii Ssisnd. xi Druggfsts. One Dollar bottle. cx sddresa Dx Dnvid Kauundv. R0ndout. N VI
The Press., 1885-01-08

PorAskA prevents and cures Diphtheria.
The Press., 1885-01-08

Once ..upon g time a hog drank from a trough into which barrel of beer had been emptied. He became very much intoxicated. When he came to himself, he was very much ashamed of his conduct. He was truly peni- tent and said to his friends, 'T have always been Beast until this unlucky sip, and I promise you I'll never make Man of myself aoain
The Press., 1885-01-08

EVERY WOMEN IN THE LAND owes It to her self and her family to take care of her health. When she finds her health failing, and debili- ty and weakness undermines her strength, her surest and best remedy is Kidney Wort. It tory system in perfect order, regulates the Kidneys and Bowels, and enables these im- portant organs to perform their natural func- tions in throwing of the accumulated impuri- ties of the body.
The Press., 1885-01-08

"koUeH ON CoUsHs."-Ask for Rough on Coughs e, l5c. Liquid, 26c.
The Press., 1885-01-08

''RoUsH ON CoRNs."-Ask for Wells' "Rough on Corns" l6c. Quick complete cure. Hard or sofl
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
A Fish Catching Machine.

James L. Smith, who is q man of
considerable mechanical ingenuity,
having already secured several patents,
is trying to solve the problem OF catch
ing porpoise and other fish along our
shore with profit. Mr.. Smith is having
a boat, suitable for use along the bay
shore, built at the shipyards in this
town. He will erect factory at Ben.
nett's pier. where he proposes to take
his fish and convert them into oil,
leather, and fertilizer. He has been at
work for some months in perfecting a
gun to shoot porpoise. 1t is his design
to arrange the weapon to discharge
ball that contains powerful explosive.
The firing of the gun will ignite fuse
that will explode the ball when it is
lodged in the object toward which it is
aimed. Simultaneously with the dis
charge OF the explosive bullet an arrow
with line attached is to be shot from
the gun. Should the fish escape to
some distance the line will indicate its
Observation-Disclosures (Dei.) News.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
Rats Are Truly Wise.

A house that and my husband ten
anted in st. Martin street, Montreal,
several years ago, says lady to Phil
adelphia Star reporter, became for
some unexplained reason the headquar-
ters Of the rats of the neighborhood.
At first they manifested their presence
in the usual way. by gnawing holes
here and there, in pantries and in ktch.
en- wainscots, destroying what food lay
about uncovered. The rats quickly in
creased in numbers, however, and it
became necessary to cover securely ev-
cry article that would be devoured by
the besieging army.
One morning upon going into the
store-room perceived the cake-box on
the ground, its place being on the third
shelf, some six feet from the floor. Re-
proving the maid for leaving it about
SO carelessly, she declared that it was
in its usual place the night before. but
as only she and myself had access to
the closet ! passed the matter by, mere
ly thinking she had removed it and had
forgotten to replace it. The next day,
however, l found the box on the floor
again, this time bottom up. A little
annoyed, l spoke to the girl, but she, as
before. positively denied having moved
the box since ], the day previous, had
returned it to its place. had heard
of the strange doings of certain spirit
rappers, and began to think that
some of those queer folks had selected
our house as the base of their opera.
tions.
Before retiring that night l made
careful inspection of the spot, locked
The door, and took the key with NE to
my room. But Notwithstanding, on
visit to the closet next morning dis
covered the cake-box again on the
ground, and looking much the worse
tor its rough usage. While i was ex-
amining and wondering at its scratch
ed. appearance, noise behind me
caused me to turn, and there, looking
at me inquiringly, stood, quite fearless
ly, big rat, and just behind, coming
out of hole, was his companion, APP
parently equally interested. A momen-
tary start, and then it flashed upon me
the cause of the change of base of our
cake-box Of late. The rats had evil
IDENTIFY known of its contents, and, find
ing that they we're unable to gnaw their
way into the tin, had held a consulta-
tion, and finally decided that concus-
sion was the best means to that end.
AS the box was foot square, and held
at the time fully ten pounds of cake,
those intelligent little beasts must have
worked in concert to have pushed the
box off the shelf. and finding that one
attempt was not enough, they repeated
the operation again and again until
they succeeded.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10

A short time ago Judge Metcalf, liv-
Ing at 6l5 Champa street, in Denver,
was hunting deer with son in Mancos
or Santa Lucia valley, New Mexico,
about twenty-five miles east OF Silver
City. While tracking a deer over an
old Indian trail through a CANYON they
observed, about $50 feet above the
creek bottom where they we're, an OPP
ening or cave, apparently cut into the
steep side of the cliff. Climbing to it
with some difficulty, they found cave,
evidently the work of man, 100 feet
deep, 25 feet wide, and about IL feet
high. The floor Of this cave was GOV.
cred with the excrement OF bats. While
resting after the hard climb young Met
calf thrust the ramrod OF his gun into
tho floor, and felt something rattle
against the end. A small portion OF
the covering was then turned up.
They ascertained that the excrement
deposit was from one to three feet in
thickness. Beneath this was de-
posit Of what was afterward found to
be animal charcoal from ten to four
teen inches deep, and under this a
layer Of ashes packed lightly down
from six to ten inches deep. II was
after penetrating the latter that they
made their most important discovery.
This was q large number Of relics Of
various kinds, consisting of figures Of
men rudely carved In wood, evidently
with stone tools, numerous represen-
tations OF the rising sun made Of splints
OF wood sewed together with thread
made of the fibre Of smole or soap
weed with the aid Of avis made OF
A""s s~s~s nj vhiNh wars found; 4
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
Natures Strange Reprisal.

Very near where we live, writes .
Hanover. Germany, correspondent, is
the ancient Garten church. in large
cemetery. Here Goethe's Lotta Is
buried. Her grandson lives in Hano-
yer, and is wealthy bachelor. He
proposes to erect suitable building in
which to place his valuable collection
of curios, and then present them to
the town.
In the same cemetery Is a most
curious monument. A lady died, and
reports say that she was poisoned by
her nephew. Upon one of the stones
which marks her grave is an inscrip-
ton declaring that this grave should
not be open till eternity" Now nature
would not allow herself to be thus de-
fed, and very large tree has grown
up from the center Of the grave and
forced every stone out Of Its proper
place. Three immense blocks OF gran.
lite, fastened together by the strongest
iron clamps, from the foundation upon
which rest three other blocks, sur
mounted by single block, over which
is carved stone pail. The trees roots
have risen up from under the stones
and formed long claws. which seem
instinct with life and grasp the stones
as II with q death-like grip. bursting
every clamp, and twisting the stones
and turning them on one side and an
other in most curious and wonderful
manner. A most singular feature too
Is the fact that there is not another
tree Of this kind In the cemetery, and
not even in the whole town.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10

representation u, = evfpens with Q
birds head out out ci wood. ARROWS
with flint heads. como OF them yer,
small. bows OF various sizes, stone axes
and hammers, large punches of thread
made from the soap weed fibre, also
cotton thread and cotton batting In
masses. basket work Of every descrip-
ton including hampers, breast plates
adorned with shells and beads, and in
other forms whose Use Is unknown,
long strings Of beads. and long, slen-
der painted sticks tied in bundles, and
fiat painted splints Of wood, the latter
having characters upon them, but
whose purpose is mystery, together
with large number OF similar articles
which Judge Metcalf has preserved,
Notwithstanding some flattering offers
which have been made by the Smith
sonian and other institutions.
The Judge thinks the cave was a
burial place, and that the deposit of
animal charcoal is the remains of a
wholesale cremation of the dead who
were probably killed in some great bat
tie. This belief is strengthened not
only by the opinion Of several learned
professors, who have visited tho spot
in his company, but by the actions of
a small band of Indians whose medi-
cine or wise men he invited to his
house to see the relics. These Indians
were encamped short distance from
his house, and he sent an invitation for
the medicine men to come over, but
the whole band, to the number of forty,
came trooping over in manner that
at first alarmed him, making peculiar
cries. Upon bringing the various ar
ticles out in front of the house they
formed ring around them and joined
in solemn dance, uttering sort of
chant. Upon asking an explanation
from the interpreter he said they re-
garded the relics as sacred and thought
it sacrilege to remove them from the
place where they had been deposited.
A professor of the Smithsonian in
stitution who saw the cave says tho
articles were placed there over one
thousand years ago, and bases his es-
innate upon the annual deposit cover
ing them. None of the Indians in the
have any recollection or
legends of the people who lived there
at this remote age.
The numerous representations of the
sun which were found show that these
people were sun worshipers, and it is
well known that the Pueblos and Zunis
to this day 60 upon the tops of their
adobe house every morning and with
their faces turned toward the east
watch for the rising god Of the day.
Denrer NeUS.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
Civilization and Eyesight.

Foreigners who visit us, says the
Philadelphia NeWs, are struck by the
number of short-sighted persons they
see. Mgr. Capel has recently ex-
pressed his opinion on the subject, and
attributes the decay of the eyesight to
small type in the universally read
newspapers and to the lack OF atten-
ton paid to proper light and proper
arrangement for light In our public
schools.
Doubtless much short-sightedness 10
due to these causes, but moro is due to
the habits of civilization, to the in
crease in reading. and especially in
reading by artificial light DR.. Brude-
nell Carter. an eminent English oculist,
has just read a paper on this subject
before the Society Of Arts, at whose
meeting the anecdote was told that .
clear-sighted Englishman in Zululand,
by the assistance of powerful binocu-
lar glass, made out two distant objects
on the horizon. One was larger speck
than the other, and he guessed that
this was mounted man, whose COM
panion was walking. The Zulus with
him looked in the direction indi.
Gated, and at once informed him who
the gentleman was, and that ho was
accompanied by his wife on foot.
This story may seemed forced, but
no artist. naturalist. or other person
who is practiced in the art of vision
for art 1t is. and we call such persons
"trained observers fail to attest
to its truth in greater or less degree,
according to his experience. DR.. Car
ter says that rs per cent Of the children
examined by him in London school
had defective eyes. In Germany the
proportion has been shown to be about
the same.
In antiquity short-sightedness was
scarcely known. NJ. Francisque Sar-
cey, the scholarly dramatic critic of
the Paris Temps, compares the enor-
nous theaters of Greece and Rome,
which held 10000 spectators, none OF
whose auditors had opera-glasses or
spectacles, yet could see everything
with ease, with our little theaters,
holding one-tenth as many, in which
that part of the audience in the back
rows is obliged to have opera glasses il
sight of the stage is desired.
Nearly all of the observers of our de-
toCViNc cycS dSTcc tuht tn0y hr0 caused
by excessive reading and by artificial
light. But there is more behind these.
1t is known that any muscle Of the
body can be developed by training. 1t
is so with the eye, as any landsman
who has fiattered himself on his far,
clear sight can testify when he has
gone to sea and been mortified to learn
how much farther off and clearer the
commonest sailor. who is practiced in
sweeping the horizon, can detect and
describe objects. Yet we doubt il one
reader in thousand has ever tested
his own eyes or those OF his children
for any defect, let alone any purpose of
training them. This is a very serious
neglect. In our colleges the other
muscles of the body are carefully
studied and exercised. Who ever
heard Of club or group of persons
devoted to training their eyes! The
result is that we modern dwellers in
cities 60 through life half blind and
growing more SO, when little atten-
tion would not only strengthen . most
important "sense," as we'll as reveal
beauties in nature that we literally
know not Of
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
A Charming Lady.

John Henry, don't you come near
me, and her eyes ,shone like hotel
clerk diamonds. "You are false, false
as city milk. Who is she? Who is
shep-that creature, Mrs. Dashp"
Really. my love, you amaze me.
Mrs. Dash is charming lady, as ev-
erybody knows, but have not seen her
since she called on you at this house.
have not been calling on any one, l as
sure you, my dear. have been down
to the club, as usual. You never ac-
cused me of anything Of the kind be-
FORE"
NO" she replied, hotly, II never
had a chance; but now, now the proof
stares me in the face. You have not
been to the club. You have been call
ing on q lady. i can see it in your
whole appearance, you false, bald
headed old deceiver. Boo-hoo!'
"My appearanceP"
Eyes; you are-are-boo-hoo!-
ber!" And she rushed off to get di-
vorce. This was in Chicago. -Fhila-
dekphid Call.