Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-09
wIr AND HumoR.
EXPECTANCY.

EXPECTANCY.
Now paipitatfng nature seems 20 hush
IN awed expectancy OF him
Who Annually enters. slick and slims
Tne editorial presence grim.
And lays upon the desk q roll OF e.ish.
The goddess editor OF speech il slow,
But Hghtning-like In deed is he.
Felis; as sturdy woodman felis the tree
That blooming writer OF Beautiful Snow.
Planted an acorn and went his way;
Both grow, as boys and acoFns can,
Now marx the reward: ri: XIonr comes ,ras t.s mnn
And the tree shelters him. as an oak tree can
H . sssy MY siays AZ & ne snere n sne moonnset m
Now Orleans Times.
A mind-reader gave sesnce 20 .
batch of dudes the other day. and threw
up the engagement in disgust because
ne hadn't sufficient material t0workon.
In breach Of promise case at Strea-
tor, Ill, the fair plaintiff testified that
kissing always began at in the eve
ming and lasted until s o'clock next
morning. y
The Western Union Telegraph Com
pauy has got the bulge on the messen-
ger boys In Washington. It obliges
them to ride bicycles, and they can't
go slow without falling oG.-BssTli,tg-
ton Free Press.
sHow do you braid your hair so nice
Typ" queried gentleman who was vis-
her enfante terrible sister, s.she takes Il
off and ties the knot to the gas chande-
ier, and fuses over two hours every
morning.
"Well, . said George. al must GO"
81 = \ y a.
Emma Abbott attachment thereantO
ed. replied Linda, "look at my hair
and rufiie', And he rufiied - BMrliRg-
ton Hdsokeyc.
A fresh Chinese servant at Sacra-
mento was instructed in skimming the
cream of the milk, and did it well, but
no cream appeared for the morning
coffee. It was found that be carefully
SKINNED off the cream aud threw It In
the slop bucket.
sI'll take It out of his hide re-
marked Jim to Mildred. referring in .
towering passion to some injustice
done him by . schoolmate. ''Don't
take it out of his hide, Jim. replied
the high school girl. extract il from
his epidermis. .
An Irish newspaper publishes Q
poem, the opening line of which is ssDo
ghlacfain tn gan ba gan punt, gan air
eamb spreidh We don't know when
we have seen more striking metaphor
more beautifully expressed. The au-
thor has the ''diyine affiatus" theworst
way -NoyTistosCB Herald.
ave said often that I would take
means to prevent young men from COM
ing around my house, said . father
the other day, .'and I've done it. Ny
daughter is too young to think Of mar.
riage. - What have youdoneP" asked
q neighbor; ..bought dOgPn no, I've
bought my daughter piano"
Women do not do much talking 70
themselves outside. They do an awful
lot Of thinking. though. only reeol-
Ieot one woman overheard soliloquizing,
and she was heard saying: Three
yards-no, that won't be enough. -
Did you ever try to catch the converse
ton of two women as they passe Well.
you needn't. it's never interesting.
There was large boiler OF scalding
water over fire in the yard, and sew
eral black children playing near it.
Suddenly shrill voice was heard from
inside the shanty: .'You, George WASH
ington. keep away from dat ar biler.
Directly you is gwiue ter upset de biler
and scald yersef TO def; and when you
is, you'll be de fnst one tosay, ssTwasn't
me, NANNY. ~ Terds Stftings.
An Irishman was once threatened
with dismissal by his employer ON the
ground of stupidity and perfect inabil-
Ity to learn anything. Pat protestedhe
had learned something in that service,
and, on being challenged to state it.
replied: ''Shure, have learnt that
eighteen cwt. makes . ton, bedad." !"
He kept his place and got an increase
Of pay.
The old cynic sat on thchack seat Of
the dummy watching young couple
behind him who were very tender and
devoted. His hand was holding hers
and she was as happy as turkey that
finds itself alive when the market closes
TOR Thanksgiving Happy. aren't
theyp" said his friend. Happy, yes.
Stirring nature with spoon.
..I think, darling, that If your father
would help me along in the world We
would be supremely happy. Kiss me.
pretty" cooingly remarked q Madison
Street dude. The old man happened
by the door at this time, and, overhear-
ing the remark and the osculntion,
stopped in and helped the young man
along. The old mans boots had just
been heavily half-solcd. = brooklyn
Times.
The particulars of the Freedom at-
fair have at length come to hand h
seems that Freedom was skating round
the rink in company with Kosciusk0 on
the evening in question, when her foot
slipped in attempting the grapevine
ron, and she went over, carrying her
partner down on top Of her. "Eree-
dom skrieked when Kosciusko fellI
OF course; so would any other girl IN
her place. Kosci must have weighed
275 pounds, without his skatesssat that
time.
The. celebrated Abernethy having
asked q candidate st his examination
what means he would use to promote
perspiration In O particular disease.
the student exhausted all the resources
of his memory and imagination, and
still the pertinacious old man continued
70 bore him with, ssWell, sir, and i
that failed, then what would you dor
The lad, driven to his wits end at
| length exclaimed: Then, sir. would
send him to you to be examined; and
II that did not make him sweat, i e
my opinion his case would be hopeless.
A Crow who was bitterly complain
| ing that winter had deprived. him Of
| the opportunity Of scratching Tor corn
was overheard by the Rat who salos
| ssBut you must remember that = - only
after the farmer gets his corn In the
crib that have any show at all. =
stWinter Is my enemy, put In the
Hare, s.because Il leaves my tracks IN
the snow to be followed. sAnd only
| for That. ;, added she Dog, ..L'm afraid