Daily Republican., 1885-08-19
MIRTH AND MERRIMEET

An Englishman, Frenchman, and
American were discussing the merits OF
painters of their respective countries
The American, after listening to all the
others had to advance in favor of their
cOuntrymen, remarked Wal, yes,
they did some tall painting; but there
was young fellow in our village, and
he got a piece of marble and painted it
like cork, and blame me il it didn't
float"
A German shoemaker having made a
pair of shoes for gentleman of whose
financial integrity he had considerable
doubt puzzled his Teutonic brain to
know what excuse he could give for not
delivering them, and finally made the
following reply 10 him when he
called for the articles: Der poots
ish not quite done, but der beel ish made
oudt.
"Oh. Charles, let US turn and
go off some other way There is that
bad man following u.s." Who is the
fellow, dear ," " Why, that is the
man who was 80 n4,r marrying me be.
fore met you. 1 just hate him T.
By Jove 30 do - " You don t
know him. How eau you haze him ?"
my love?"
AT n legal Investigation OF liquor
seizure the judge asked m unwilling
witness What was In the barrel
that you had ?" The reply was "Well,
your iordship, it was marked whisky
On the end of the barrel and Pat
Duffy on the other, 10 l can't say
whether IL was whisky or Pat Duffy
in the barrel, being as 1 am on my
OATH"
+" Does your husband sleep sound ?"
asked Mr.. Cobbs, in the course OF q call
upon Mrs Dobbs, "Sound! responded
Mrs. Dohbs. Well. should say !!
don't believe you or any body else ever
heard such sound. It's enough to stop
an alarm clock 70 The caller mur-
INJURED that so ne men we're that way. /.
He: "It's q polka, but we can
waltz to it," Sne "Oh, not for the
worlds hate waltz!ng to a polka ;
besides, / adore the polka .tep." He :
Il am exceedingly sorry-I never
dance the polka but we can sit out
this dance, ii you like, and ] will talk
to you." She "O1, good gracious
no; ; let us dance it any way you
like I"
You say, Mr.. Simpkins, you want
to marry ?" observed Miss De Silva
Yass, want to find the richest ant
prettiest woman in the world who will
marry me for love. Can you tell m,
where to ind herr" Indeed 4 can't,
replied the young lady. My &C
quaintanoe with insane asylums is YER!
slight !"
a. vau rac,arLa3a n oor oatta ad youn,
bachelor, "I have the greatest admira
| tion for the fair sex, but | never expec
to marry-oh, dear, mol" 3" Indeed I
rem arked lady. "Then l am u
understand that you not only admir-
women, but you have sincere regar'
for them as WE'LL"
. To memory dear.-Wife to her hut
band, who is arranging his papers
What have you IN this parcel :?
, Husband "They are the dear rem
niscenes of our wedding-tour." Wife
"Oh, you sweet creature Pray, wha
. kind of "reminiscences are they ?" Hu,
band: "They are hotel bills"
"What's that you have in you
hand ?" asked Mrs. Gimlet of her hu,
band, as he brought home q roll {
manuscript. " Brains, madam" r,
piled Mrs. Ginl t, mpously. "Ar
you surprised az the fact ?" Not 1
she least" shs replied, 81 knew 20
didn't carry them in your head"
"Ma, can you get out of your skin?
why, mercy, no, my child. Why d
smother man that when he comes hon
every night he finds you beside you
self. l don'r understand it, do you +?
"No, my child, but 1 think your faith,
will"
George" said girl to her brothe
party to night If you will" "What
?" demanded the brother. 81 am
!, | wear my new kid shoes and stripe
stock ings, and II you just sing out rat
will do as much for you some day"
You can most always tell whether
woman has married a man for love
money when you notice whether 81
warns HE slippers for him before !
comes home from his business, or bour
, Cos him out of bed in the morning
warm her own before she gets up.
of man wants to own the eartl
what does woman want2" inqui
ed Mr.. Crap of his better half, after
little family matinee q few days az
Well, my DEAR" responded that lad
in gentle tone, to own the man,
suppose."
A belle, after attending church on
, 1recent Sunday, was asked her opinic
1of the sermon. "Oh, good, I supp
lssd," she replied; =" but what big fe
1.-THE minister had! was SO interest.
lin his feet that foroot to listan 70 h