Weekly Chillicothe crisis., 1885-04-16
LADY C0TT0NBL00M.
CHAPTER /.

"All right, Miss Hcnnilin. If you
don't want to marry me you needn't,
that's all. | have been playing the
slave long enough. Ihave been caper.
ing to your whims until my judgment
tells me"
"Your judgment, Mr. Ham?"
"Yes, my judgment
81 did not think that you had any
judgment, Mr. Ham,"
Neither did the people who marked
my devotion to you"
"Oh, you are very complimentary
and so charming of manner. Why,
sir, your name alone is quite n
little social gathering, Bucksnort
Ham"
"Quite as good 4 name, thank you,
as Puss Henniiin. | am not ashamed
of my ancestors
"Oh, you had ancestors, had you?
You are surprising rs well as enter
tanning"
~ do not doubt you are surprised.
Ancestry unquestionably has a strange
sound to you."
"What are you quarreling about?"
asked an old lady entering the room
where the Young woman and young
man sat glaring at each other.
"Why, you are enough to make a
person believe that you are already
married."
Bucksnort Ham was an Arkansaw
planter. He was all, if not more, than
| hi, tnN,,lin1 tt,hnn hn
was a member of the Legislature, a
citizen told newspaper correspondent
that one of the general assemblymen
was named Bucksnort Ham, and
straightway the correspondent went
into the house and picked out the
identical man. He did not seem so
much to have fitted himself to the
namo rs the name seemed TO have fit
ted itself to him. He had way of
blowing his nosc-and it sounded like
the snort of n buck-and his back, ut
a little distance, looked exactly like n
canvassed ham. He seemed to have
been designed to create II favorable
sensation in the legislature, for he
voted against every appropriation and
labored hard to reduce the salaries of
state officers. He was Il shrcwd dem
agogue, always keeping one eye on
his constituents and the other on his
per diem.
Miss Puss llcnniln was dim eyed
She was languid, like catcrpillcr
that has staid out all night in the dew
She read American novclists whose
plots are pitched IN foreign lands. She
was not handsome, but people said she
was good. The mourners' bench at
Mount Catnip church could have i'll
spared her. In the autumn she shed
tears at the altar; in the winter she
faced her "podncrn and shuilled to the
sound of u greasy old fiddle. She
wanted to marry duke, She might
have compromised on lord, but an
ordinary member of an ordinary legis-
laturc was below the "last chance
mark.
Mrs. Hcnnilin was said to he a good
old soul. She was kind of eggs and
buttet mscr. Her late husband often
said that she would get up at night
and after gloatlng over her eggs in
numerous recOunts, ailcctionately pat
her butter. She was Il kind old lady,
and every winter gave the circuit ri.
der a pair of homo-knit socks
II say what are you two quarrcling
about?n continued the old lady.
MADAM" replied Mr.. BuckSnorl
Ham, al have asked your daughter tC
be my wife and she has refused" ,"
"W'y, Puss, how can YOU be Sc
rudcP"
Miss Puss llirted herself into pas
sion.
"Why should marry him, motheri
, What can he promise mc?'
"He can promise 10 make you .
good living, child. That's what hi
can promise.
"A gooo living the young woman
contemptuously repeated. "What dc
| care about good living? Think tha
. all care about is to sit down and eat
A dog can make good living"
~ can promise you more than that,
said Mr. Ham, II am going to be ;
candidate for the senate, A recen
amendment to the constitution of tn,
United Statcs-though don't suppos,
you ever read politics says that eacl
|, state senator shall be lord with tn,
I privilege of selecting any name he ma,
1 see fit. BY marrying me you woult
become lady so-and-so, according /,
y the name we might select. If an
4 elected, shall name my farm Cotton
o bloom. Then | shall be known a
s Lord Cottonbloom-an original an,
- ilowery name. Of course I'll not pres
this matter. Most any young lad
would like to become Lady Cotton
o wood; so if you persist in your refusal
J, | will lay my title at the feet of som
:. other woman"
# claw, Puss, do you hear thatp'
. exclaimed the old lady.
. "Of course Ihear it, maw," replie
=" the young lady. 81 have always re
spccted Mr.. Ham, and have neve
refused to listen to him. l knew tina
o the law had passed, and | very we
d knew that should Mr.. Ham desir
is it. he could 90 up into the house {
a lords instead of remaining in tn
house of commons"
D. "Well, ladies'" SAID Mr.. Bucksnoi
o Ham, "a must go out and formal
IS announce myself as candidate
d Practically, l shall have no opposition
=. but it is better to show myself to th
a people,"
" "Don't bo in a hurry" tho old lad
s. remarked.
1T "0h, no, there is no need of maxim
(. so short n visit" said the young lad,
ID "I'll see you again soon," reptile
4. the future lord Of Cottonbloom.
CHAPTER ii,