The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-03-11
VARIETIES.
A bar relief-Seltzer.


Civil Service kind you don't get
III the average restaurant.
II was commercial traveller who sang
My face is my fortune"
The objection 70 stale jokes probably
takes its origin from the fact that jokes
are bandinage
Take back the heart that thou CAV
est, said the poker player when he pulled
for diamond flush.
Woman has twice the nerve of mani"
shouts a female orator. We don't know
about that. Women seldom marry wo-
men.
@'Listen. my boy, said the nurse; s'the
good God has brought you little broth
ser" .'Oh I'm SO glad. Does mamma
know ita"
Is man inferior to woman ?" asks
correspondent That dependsaltogether
on whether it is married man or
bachelor.
The price of mummies is said to have
fallen off about seventv-five per cent,
and those who deal in them declare it "a
dead give-away."
A remarkably weak minded dude says
that when he leaves this world he wants
to die of dropsy, because the latter is
such swell disease.
1t is said that good book is the best
companion man can have. That de-
ponds altogether on whether it is a mar
1ied man or bachelor.
Hackmen on the Canada side of Mag
ara think every American who comes
there has Just robbed bank. That may
account for their charges.
A'Your manner is very shocking" said
the lady to the tramp. '.Ah," replied
the tramp, ''you noticed it. did you
That's my personal magnetism"
A writer laments the fact that poet,
are declining. The poets, on the other
hand, lament that the editors of maya
zines and newspapers are declining.
Stage Scene" Hullo, Bob the coach
is full. Guess we'll have to strap you
behind" Bob" No you don't. I had
enough of that when 1 was boy"
The young men at the seashore don't
seem to be benefited by the change of
air. They are, if anything, so young
informs us, fresher than ever.
Brooklyn has man who speaks eight
different languages, but his wife can
stick to plain but forcible English and
pass him at the quarter pole in every con-
test
A'Ten dimes make one dollar" said
the schoolmaster. Now, go on, sir.
Ten dollars make one-what p "They
make one mighty glad these times, - re-
piled the boy.
A correspondent asks if it is proper to
dance with married lady when her hus-
band is looking on. Certainly. The
dancing is sure to be very proper under
such circumstances.
The absence of cyclones this year is
accounted for by the fact that 9,21S 755
stump speakers are rehearsing for the
opening of the campaign. Even cyclones
possess some timidity.
fashion paper, in describing water
ing place bellies attire, recently, said she
wore carbuncles, and now that poor girl
gets fifty different recipes for the cure of
boils i'll every mail.
When drygoods dealer tells you that
he can give you an inside figure on
shawls, if the figure is plump and pretty
YOU ought not to let dollar or two stand
in the way of making the purchase.
"I pride myself on my descent said
spinster, of uncertain age, recently.
"ODe of my ancestors came over with
the conqueror. (Which one was it"
cried a cluel wit, -'you father or your
mother? q
GA fashion paper says the new under
skirt pretends to be full when it really is
not. What does that mean?" he asked
"It means the underskirt is very differ
ent from man, she replied, conclu-
sively.
(. "Promise me, dear husband" said
young Mrs. Newbride, affectionately, to
Charles "promise me never, in your
darkest hours, ever to commit suicide. /
am told it may vitiate your life insur-
ance."
Young Gilpin on returning from a ride
with his sweetheart was asked where he
had been. 'Oh, ont riding with q
party" Eyes" spoke in his young
brother. San when / saw you was
supporting your party enthusiastically"
Mr.. Smith Ito Mrs Parvenu, who has
been telling him about her new house,
II suppose you will have dumb-waiters
in the house?" Mrs. P" No, shantl
had deaf cook once, and Vowed then
never to have another crippled servant.
AS he gazed at her soft, rosy cheeks
with look of never-ceasing admiration,
he was impelled to remark: "Your
cheeks are as beautiful as a peach.
',Are they ripe9" she asked innocently.
And he Immediately went out and
bought three for quarter.
do look at that couple r. whispered
Mr.. Bass. Anybody would know they