Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1885-05-09

country is good enough, think. You
had better be preparing to meet your
maker"
dot ish all right, mine trent. I dond
dipk am afrait, pud voultfeel 80 mooch
peter eef vas ad home"
care you ready to die?"
"No, unit wont pc undill kets home.
Mine trent. ven 1 dells you dot eff tie
in England, lose vot pait vor dot re-
durn teeget, you will untersthant Wy I
voult tie so mooch happier in ter poosom
oof my family ."-Nerchant Traveller.
A tailor had been elected to the legis-
ature and he felt his oats SO consider.
ably that he gave up his thimble and
scissors. One day gentleman went to
see him about further legislation provid-
ing against certain evils existing under
the very nose of the law.
"Can you do anything for us?" he ask
ed after narrating the facts and animal
verting upon the negligence of legisla-
tors.
Certainly can, sir"
"What will you do?"
| "Do? Why, SIR" he said, swelling him
self up in large manner, "pll make a
law that will fit the case exactly, sir; fit
the case exactly"
"Well, 1 hope 80, but j. have my
doubts"
doubts, sir? Why doubts?" he ques-
toned with some show Of feeling.
Simply because never knew of your
making anything to fit before you went
to the legislature, and haven't heard of
any improvement since."-Merchant
Traveller.
Curtain Mccain of Houston, has had
anephew at the University of Texas. Nc
Claim asked the boy
"Hsve you been industrious during the
vacation?"
Student-"Well l should say so. l
have been attending lectures during the
whole vacation"
Uncle-'But the professors at the Uni
versity of Texas don't deliver any lee
lures during the vocation"
Student-''I didn't say they did. !
have been listening to lectures from the
old man about the money l spent while
/ was in Austin. He can beat the pro.
fessors when it comes to lecturing."
"Jim Smith is cottage built man."
"What sort ola man is that?"
"The man with only one story is called
a cottage built man, and Jim has only
got one"
Col. Yerger and his wife are always
quarreling. Yesterday she asked him.
"Why are you looking at me so intent
ly?"
II was just wondering what there was
about you that made me want to marry
you so badly"
At social gathering in Galveston one
lady said to another
"Just look how that lawyers wife is
flirting with that man over there! How
old night she be-"
"She might be twenty five, but she is
thirty-seven."
First hungry tramp: Counting up his
assets and finding balance of three
cents) "Well, I believe I'll get me a
sapdwich)"
Second hungry tramp: tout of funds
insinuating) "Why not get two?"
First tramp: (obdurste and merciless)
"Oh, ones all 1 can eat now"
Motto for bootblacks: After the rain
comes the shine.
Hens are very exclusive; at least each
ones likes TO stick to her own set.
Miss-fortunes come to some men when
they get married, and they don't mind
it a bit.
The fellows who are waiting for the
Office to seek the man are getting awful
ly tired.
The office seeker look upon the policy
adopted by the Administration as rather
Un-Civil Service Reform.
Dodge City CGaOboy: A few weeks ago
a man assuming to be q doctor under the
name of w. r. Brown, turned up at Ash
land, Clark county, and Immediately won
the heart of Miss Clark, sister of the edi-
tor of the Clark County Clipper, and got |
married to her. 1t has come to light that |
Doctor Brown" is a white-livered scoun-
drel and q frst-class bigamist, Miss
Clark being his fourth living victim. He
has wife in California, and two wives
in Brown county, Kansas, and his right
name appears to be Charley Wilson. The
doctor" and his late wife were in Dodge
City q few days ago. He abandoned her
here and has gone to new pastures for
fifth femaleques cont.