The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-07-10
RISE AND FALL OF THE ROLLER
RINkIST

| have once more tried to ride pair OF
roller skates. That is the reason got down
on the rink and down on roller skates
That is the reason several people got down
ON me- That is also the reason why now
state in a public manner to a lost and
undone race that unless the roller rink is
at once abolished the whole civilized world
will be plunged into arnica.
have tried it once before, but had not
carried my experiments to a successful
termination. made trial trip around
the rink last August, but was ruled out by
the judges for incompeteney. and advised
to skate among people who Were hostile to
the government of the United States. while
the proprietors repaired the rink.
On the 9th of September nestled in the
bosom of cyclone to excess, and it has
required the bulk of the succeeding months
for nature to glue the bones of my leg
togetherin proper shape. That is the reason
| have not given the attention to roller skat-
ing that | should
A few weeks ago | read what Mr. Tai
mage said about this great national vice. 1t
was his opinion that il we skated in a
proper spirit. we could leave the rink each
evening with our immortal souls in coed
shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thursday
evening would undertake the feat of skat-
ing three rounds in three hours with no
protection to my scruples, for one-half the
gate money, Talmage rules. So there was
quite large audience present with opera
glasses. Some had umbrellas, especially
on the front rows. These were worn spread.
in order to ward off fragments of the rink
which might become disengaged and set in
motion by atmospheric disturbances.
In obedience to wild, Wagnerian snort
from the orchestra, came forth into the
arena with my skates in my hand. l feel
perfectly at home before an audience when
have my skates in my hand 1t is a NOR
bid desire to wear the skates on my feet
that has always been my 6ete noir. viii
the office boy please give me brass check
for that word so that | can get it when
go away?
My first thought, after getting myself
secured to the skates. was this: '1Am | in
the proper frame of mind? Am | doing
this in the right spirit? Am | about to
skate in such way as to lift the fog of
unbelief which now envelopes sinful
world, or shall deepen the Opaque night
in which my race is wrapped
Just then. that end of the rink ernpted
in manner so forwith and so toat ensemble
that | had to push it back in place with
my person. never saw anything done
with less delay or less languor.
The audience went wild with enthusiasm
and responded to the encore by writing
my name in the air with my skates.
This closed the first seanee, and my
trainer took me in the dressing re ON to
attend consultation of physicians.
After the rink carpenter had lacked up
the floor little, | went out again. | had
no fears about my ability to perform the
mechanical part assigned me, but | was
still worried over the question of whether
it would or would not be of lasting benefit
to mankind
Those who have closely scrutinized my
frame in repose, have admitted that | was
fearfully and wonderfully made. Students
of the human frame say that they never
saw such wealth of limberness and
looseness lavished upon one person. They
maintain that nature bestowed upon me
the hinges and )ints intended for whole
family. and therefore when skate, the air
seems to be perfectly lurid with limbs. |
presume that this is true, though have so
little leisure while skating in which to OBJ
serve the method itself, the plot or animus
of the thing. as it were, that my opinion
would be of little value to the scientist.
am led to believe that the roller skate
is certain great civilizer and wonderful
leveler of mankind If we so skate that
when the summons comes to seek our ward
within the general hospital, where each
Siidil neal HIS DtstSu oubieit "ithiAi e.iS
walls where rinkiats squirm, We go not
like the social wreck, morally paralyzed,
but like hired man taking his medicine,
and so forth--we may skate with perfect
impunity, or any one else to whom We may
be properly introduced by our cook.
Skating the roller skate is like riding on
railway train. If the management is
good and we behave ourselves, we feel safe.
sRinking in and of itself is not from moral
point of view-with good associates and a
solid road-bed We are safe. So it is also in
travelling. IL our rink tickets are good
in we'll conducted rink, and our railway
tickets read over the Great Rock Island
Route, we have done wisely and the rest
remains with us. We may wreck ourselves
in front of the engine or injure ourselves
morally and physically at the rink if We
wish to. There are many however who
are not agitated over the rink question
To such it might be well to say that the
Rock Island Road is still carrying people
with comfort, elegance. economy and DIES
patch. Bill Nye
He looked earnestly at the two glass
Harden Hand Grenades that hung on the
walls of the corridors at Drury Lane. "llov
thoughtful, he said, ''of the management