Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1885-08-08

again, trying TO sm1ie.- $50,
She just shook her head and Kept D1tlng neI
handkerchief, as II she were little giri; Sotne
at her. AT last she opened her mouth and said
aa II do not believe You took that money MI.
felt my face growing scarlet 7 saw PhGbe
put her handkerchief to her eyes: Then my ups
began to CULVER, and the first thing knew y, =
broke down. and throwing my arms on .ne
desk before me buried my. face on tne ,lo
some one came to the door and called "fnd ~
rnebe," and away she went; and that was lie
=. You can see for yourselves, friends, the POSI-
ton in which was placed. Here was IN n. a
folks had always been very particular. There
was not SO much as speck on the reputatio Oh,
o. the Goldens. had calculated to pc nig9 up
and had hoped might be minister Of the
gospel: That was my dream. A thousand times
d had ,i.onged. as walked my lonely round on
our little farm and on the mountain, TO engage
In some way IN the great battle with the world;
And a here was In the midst Of the conflict, and
pened which was not dreamed Of in my philoso-
pny: Ii 1t had been the loss OF health or irlehosi
, u. Inc certainty of my own speedy oea H.,
tK could have borne 1t we'll. All those trou,
pies had calculated upon. But when my good
name was touched, shrank and withered like
that Gan had not nar the g
goa, and may be taken away at any moment.
Hnd that this is q strange doctrine to many
wv was tue Oily Que WIZ OclICNCN -
his time and section Of the country. had
never Thought Of It as really applicable except
IN IA Inc past among the martyrs. or course,
thing was true, but that was very different from
experiencing and believing it. I have always
been glad that learned the lesson when was
young. Perhaps some men are not called upon
TO learn It at all in this lite; but If So think
they die without INSTRUMENTATION being finished.
am aware that there Is a philosophy which
says that q man Tor boy) may be- superior to
adversity. That was the doctrine which de-
Lighted me and became my stay and support in
cOuege. Perhaps there Is no better system for
q learned professor with comfortable salary.
But when 1t comes to being turned out of a pub
Distinctly thas T AID no
me after my scholars were dismissed for the last
time and Phoebe Smith had gone home.
TO my room, L reflected upon the strange events
that had occurred. did not know what to do.
Ihat day passed, and then another, and then q
week, without activity on my part. scarcely
went out, except early in the morning to walk
Dy the river in place not much frequented.
thinking matters over, | gradually and very
painfully came down from my high hopes, and
decided that it would not do to go away, but
That must in q modest and manly fashion
face the situation in which found myself. 1t
was a trying conclusion to come to- To think,
innocent az l was, of going through life as a
black sheep was hard. But made up my mind
TO IL; and thought that quiet place in ma
chine shop under Avery, who was a boss, would
be about my size.
Ofcourse you will perceive that took an ex-
But was sensitive inexperienced and alone.
II has never been possible for me to blame my
self severely for the diseouraging view took Of
my life at that time. In memory, see myself
as was then, often crying in my sleep until
my sobs awoke me. remember the dank and
heat of the crowded city. That had been ends dis
graced and thrown aside, and that my greatest
hopes In life were cut OFT, was, at any rate, a
great reality to me. For what chance was there
for a minister OF the gospel who was known as a
thieH And what chance was there to disprove
the charge, amid crowd of strangers, who had
judged the case on evidence, and who now
summed me as If We're leper? Perhaps mag
lhed more than was true. Yet think it would
not nave been very unwise to have learned u
trade. What would have happened in that
direction II something else had not happened,
Will not undertake to say. But something else
and the close and tainted atmosphere and city
food and mental suffering brought me down so
That took to my bed with a raging fever. The
doctor pronounced it q severe case and what
took place after that / do not remember.
know that in some way Phoebe Smith was with
me more or less, and that Jane came, and on
the whole had serious time Ofit. But pulled
through, and in August, while the heat was
still dreadful, and my room like an oven, Jane
took me home. That summer i'm the city
with the sickness is still, in my recollection Of
1t, like nightmare.
AS soon as we reached Vermont was better
and in few weeks the country surroundings
ana quiet rest restored my physical frame al
though q was still somewhat haggard with
JSHS HUI got the lQClS OIL NV great frOUhlp
from Phoebe. We talked matters over. Icould
see that my poor sister was dreadfully hurt by
my i'll fortune.
When the cool September DAYS came
seemed to drink in new life, and the gloom
which had been gathering upon me in part
passed away. Mother and Jane would not
Of life because of the occurrence at Albany.
They tried to have it that my views upon that
point were ridiculous and morbid. At times
the facts would push themselves obstinateiy
into the foreground. / did not feel that could
Justly myself in standing before the world a
II was true In our place, as In most country
places. that nothing pertaining to any OF the
TO Albany after me and ali the reasons for il
were well understood by our immediate neigh
bors and many other people of the town. I
matter. Yet who could teIle TO determine
that would go out among my friends and face
opinion required courage. / endeavored each
meet the trial: formed some very good reso-
lutions, but did not carry them out.
There was one point Ia regard to which I was
decided and firm. 1t was my fixed intention to
return TO Albany and busy myself in a machine
shop, and meet the. enemy in that silent, per-
severing way. 1t seemed to me that if did
not, the thought of the stain upon my record
would haunt me forever. My disposition was
to attack the falsehood and fight it down, if it
TOOK lifetime. Jane was strenuOusy opposed
to this. She said that she had not toiied for nv
education to have me throw it aWay 1t was
apparent tnaC she ha0 the advantage in the
argument. She claimed that it was wrong for
me to shrink from contact with friends as did.
When pleaded for delay to grow stronger be-
fore pushing out into social life, she would not
heed my excuses / could net resist her plead
ings. Jane arranged that / should lead the
union, weekday, conference-meeting, at our
schoolhouse, on Thursday, the 18th day of Sep
TENDER, and l consented to do it, The day OF
the month and all the circumstances are i'm
pointment more than any other of my whole
life; and am not quite sure that Jane was right
III pushing me up to 1t. 1t would be Very hard
for Inc, even now, to stand before the people
with q charge OF stealing existing against me
Nevertheless. was right in deciding to yield to
James entreaties. II was a matter OF conscience
with me. did not let her know that it kept
me awake nights.
On Monday, before the important Thursday.
went out OF the house and across the pasture,
and up upon some rocks with my Bible. / de-
sired to study subject for the meeting. There
was place where the September sun was re-
Elected, aud 1t was warm and bright. It had
been my retreat for several days. l had been
trying hard to find out how to agree with Jane
about my course in life On this occasion that
subject kept forcing itself into my mind in spite
of my efforts to Danish It. But had rid myself
OF SUCH thoughts for the time and had just set
led down to the Bible lesson, when heard a
noise. looked up and there was Jane coming
over the grass from the house. She was calling
always uds little nervous, but I had never
seen her act quite like that before. sat and
looked ut her for while and listened
saw that there was something more than
common the matter, and SO got up and went
down of the rocks on to the grass and walked
toward her. When 1came near she was crying,
and as reached her she threw herself on the
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