The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-01-08
AN UNSATISFACTORY VISIT.
A Humorist Tells Why He WIN Never
Again Visit the Family of Tall
macious PeeIworth.

Again Visit the Family of Tai
macious Peelworth.
I have decided not to again visit the
house of Talmacious Peelworth. As a
rule, am fond of children and enjoy
telling them stories of questionable
truth, but of decided moral adornment.
l like to lift an inquiring little fellow to
aposition on my knee, study the kaleido-
scopic dance of his eye, as costumed
thoughts chase each other round and
round, but when he becomes too intense
want to put him down and change the
subject. | went over to Tenacious
Peelworth's the other day to renew the
ownership of book which | had loaned
to his literary wife several years preyi-
Susly, and which she had promised to
return within a week. Talmacious was
not at home, having gone to a justice of
the peace to swear out warrant for the
arrest of a man whose longing taste for
fresh pork had trampled his honesty
under foot. Mrs. Peelworth and the
children, especially the children, were
at home.
"Come in," said the lady. "You
must excuse the appearance of every
thing this morning. William" address,
ing boy with smear of jam across
his face, ''quit fooling with that
dog. James, watch Sylvia and don't
let her fall out the door. :"
William, a friendly little fellow,
climbed up and sat on my knee. ''Will-
iam!'' exclaimed the mother, ''don't
put your dirty fingers in the gentleman's
mouth"
could not help but show discourage
ment at this attempt. Whether a
Youngsters fingers be dirty or clean, l
do not care to have him investigate my
front teeth and seek an exploration of
that territory lying farther back, for, /
do not believe that an accomplishment
of his extreme desire in this direction
would naturally extend his store of USE
knowledge.
"Gim me this" plucking at shirt
stud.
lam much inclined toward liberality,
but not realizing Williams immediate
need of the stud, felt that it was my
| duty to decline an entertainment of his
proposition, and to frown down a re-
newal of his negotiations.
'Whut you come here fur?"
"lYiliam!' called the mother, ''don't
! put your hand in the gentleman s
| pocket. Put him down"
s'Let him remain" said I, at the same
time attempting to put him down; but
he braced his feet on the rounds of the
chair and climbed back to his perch of
annoyance.
James entered the room with pole.
''Take that out of here, - said the mother.
stDon't swing it around that way. Now
just look at your
He had cracked my head with the
cussed implement.
My goodness, never saw such
children. Did it hurt you, sir?'
Hurt? just as well ask man who
had been torn to pieces by dog if he
were bitten! 30, it amounts to moth
ing." rubbing lump which had began
to rise. MADAM, if my book be con.
venient, I will take it now
"James, what did you do with the
gentleman's book? l saw you with il
the other day"
Didn't do muffin wifi it. Bill flung il
in the WELL
s'Don't care if I did," exclaimed
William, wiping his jam on my shir
bosom; ''you tole me ter. :"
Il Declare" exclaimed the pool
woman, wiping her flushed face with (;
checked apron. 81 never did see sucl
children. 1t does seem like they'll takt
the place. James, I'm a great mind t.
whip you for that
He had wiped his mouth on the tai
of my linen coat, leaving q stain a!
though ] had been struck by a ripe to
mato. William climbed down. / fel
relieved.
''You must excuse the uncomfortabl
warmth of this room, as / had to max
up fire for ironing purposes. We ar
having the other part of the hous
plastered and we have to use this Ioon
for everything. / am really sorry abou
your book. Let's see. 1t was Eagle
Eyed Jake, or the Trail of the Scorpion,
wasn't itP"
"No, it was Felix Holt / think"
s'Sure enough, it was. / didn't rea
it. Started to, but didn't like it. VIII
lam, take that switch out of the fire
Now I remember. / borrowed Eagle
Eyed Jake from Mrs. Pelberton.
don't have much time to- Did eve
see the like of thatr'
William had jabbed the back of m
neck with the burning end of th
switch. 1t was impossible to longe
disguise my feelings, for the end of tb
! switch, burned to coal, had broke
off and gone down my back. l have
recollection of seeking the woods an
hanging my shirt on swinging liml
Twisting around and looking down,
could see a trail as though centiped
, had used me for a highway. No,
shall never again visit the house of Ia
malicious Peelworth. -0pie P. Read, 4
; C0urier-Journd9.
, 1t comes pretty hard on some SER
/ ants to give up their position wheI