Daily Republican., 1885-07-08
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

made offer of marriage, am to under.
stand that you reject my offer? In thai
case lave only one req lUest to make
which l fervently hope you will not re
fuse" Young lady: "What is it?"
Herr Baron. ''That you will never
never betray what have just revealed
to you Of the deep feeling Of my limos,
heart" Young lady. "Oh certainly
not. But why?" Herr Baron. BE
cause-ahem well-because 1 intend
proposing to your elder sister to-mor
row."
A man going home from his work a,
late hour in the night saw that tn,
occupants Of q house standing flush
with the street had left window up
and be decided to warn them and pre-
vent burglary. Putting his head int,
the window, he called out. "Hallo
good poop" That WAS all he said. A
whole pailful of water struck him In tn,
face. and AZ he staggered back womar
shriekod out. Didn't tel. you wnal
you'd get If you wasn't home by nine
o o'clock"
The most practical lover has beer
discovered at Boston. Ia one of his
letters to his sweetheart he wrote
wish, my darling. that you would no,
write me such long letters. If YOU were
to bring an action for breach Of promise
against me, the .awy ers would CODY
the correspondence between us, anu
charge ten cents for every folio o.
s6venty.two words. The shorter the
letters, the more we save from the
lawyers" And yet he was not a
lawyer.
After q long drorsh there came a
observed to another "This is q provi.
dental rain. hope it will bring up
everything out Of the ground" To this
the other replied, with dubious shake
OF the head, 81 can t stay as 1 agree
with you there, neighbor. I've buried
three wives in the ground, and should
II ortally hate to sec them all come Up
again"
Ay "A rich ole farmer, in giving
instructions for his will, directed a
legacy of five hundred dollars to be
given to his wife Being informed tha,
some distinction was usually made In
case the widow married again, he
doubled the sum, and, when told that
this was contrary to custom, he said, ,
with heartfelt g1patby for his poegi BILE
successor Ay, but him as gets her'll
deserve it 90
So Clara is dead" observed MIS-
Simpson, symFathetically, to Mrs. De.
Gilt Yes, poor dear She died last
happen ?" :" She imprudently eI.
posed her self. The house caught fire
on New Years night, and the pok girl
rushed into the snow without her ey O.
glass"
A young mar asked the lady Of his
affection The other evening how sbe
liked the look Oe his new style OF stand
ing up collar. After critically survey
ing him aud the collar she remarked
'' Very nice, indeed. 1t looks ike a
fence around a !unatic
asylum"
How the enemy can be kept at bay -
l should think you would need q
military guard 20 keep the young men
away" said friend to the father of
six marriagesble daughters. "Ob,
| IN a pretty good foot soldier my sell, F"
was the cheerful reply.
Mamma (soothingly) We'll, my
dear, wouldn't feel 30 bad about IL,
I'm sure" Daughter: "Oh, but to
think of all the trouble we've had send
ing to that milHner In Paris, and hav-
ing TO fight with papa over the bill and
now to have that horrid girl come out
with one twice As stylish Oh,
it's enough to make one 60 into con-
vent"
" And 80, dear Miss Singleton, you
never married T'' "No, dear, l did
not J.: l came very near it, however. Ny
six sisters married within five years, !,
and 1 went throuaz. every engagement
without catch. Even in the most
desperate battles, you know, and in
the most terrible masacres, there
is always one whe escapes to tell the
tale"
Young lady Cat q reception, trying to
force a conversatisn) =" Mr. Noodle.
bang, what do yor suppose makes all
these receptions 30 invariably stu pid q"
Mr.. Noodlebang "Aw, really, 1
haven't the ghost OF, an ideaw." Younp
lady. "And all the other gent emen
are much like you. !. begin to see tn.
now"
1t is said that mice are just as much
afraid of women as women are of mice.
but as their screaming apparatus is not
on the sadce princip a. thew
are restrained from communicating the
Intelligence TO the people in the ad-
accent towns.
'My, my, how the chimney smokesi"
wife to he- husband. "It
might dc worse, my dear" renlied
her husband. "I'd like to know how"
'' Why, yor see, it mighf, chew" A fall
Df SCOT stopped the flow of coversa
ton.
After christening, while the clergy
man was making out the certificate, he!
happened to say. "Let me see, this is
the 30th?" meaning the date. "Thir-
.ieth!" exclaip ed the indignant mother.
g indeed it is only the eleventh."
A lady waa asked by her friend If she
really intended to marry M. W.
who was a good kind of a man, but no
very singular. 80 Well" .eplied the
ady, " ii he is very much more unlike
Ither men, he is more likely to make
good husband"
Do you ever gamble ?" she asked
ls they sat together, her hand held in
lis. He replied" NO, but If wanted
. do so, now, undoubtedly, would be
ny time" "How 40 ?" !" Because
loie beautiful hand" The engage.
nen. ia announced
"S2 you are married st last, Charlie,
hear that your wife fs very ener-
,ettc woman, and keeps things stirred |
Up. OF course you married her GorI
owe ." j" No." said TIE husband
,racing Up. married her to cure II y
1t is related of Chicago young wo.
nan and Chinese lady that ON being
Introduced they looked at each others |
Get, and then both tainted away, the
ormer feom rk0rtitication, and the lat. |
or from fright.
No." said George Henry, 81 didn't
o there to court the girl; only called 4
OCCASIONALLY to pasa the time. Won know.