davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
Those Long-Drawn Good-bys.

All people have MOI learned the art Of
.eaylng room in an appropriate manner
say Erery Othsr S1turily When YOU are
ready tp depart, Do v al once, gracefully
and politely, and with no dtllyInL. Don't
say, Its abnn, rlm- was going" and set
lie back ami talk 90 aimles,iy f,r another
10 minutes. Some people have just such a
tjresome habit. They will even rise and
stand about the room IN vtrloIs attitude,
keeping their host standing. and then by an
effort succeed IN getting a, far as the hall,
wien new Thought strikes them. They
then brighten up vis,b'y, and stand for some
minutes longer, SAVING nothing Of import
lnce, but keeping everybody IN restless,
nervous state. After the door is opened the
prolonged leave taking begins. and every
body IN general and in particular is invited
% call. Very likely last thought strikes
the departing visitor, which his friend must
risk a cold 70 hear to the end. What a re-
lief when the door is finally closed There
is no need Of being Extensively abrupt but
when you are ready to go-go,
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
The Utility of the Bustle.
HOW A FAIR THIEF USED IT TO CARRY OFF
A CLOCK.
From the Pail Mall Gazette. !

An amusing story reaches us from Paris.
On Friday lady, having paid her hotel
bill, sent away her boxes on cab and sal
lied forth on foot. No sooner had she de-
parted than the landlord discovered that the
clock had disappeared from the mantle
piece of the room which his late lodger had
been occupying, though he remembered 10
have seen it there subsequent to her trunks
being dispatched.
Convinced that she must be the thief, he
rushed out in hot pursuit, and oyertakiug
her, he charged her with the robbery and
gave her into custody, the lady meanwhile
protesting against the indignity offered her
and avowing vengeance against the traducer.
She was, however. taken before the Judge
d'Instruction, to whom she resumed her tor
rent of indignant denial with the eXtra0:di-
nary volubllity peculiar to the daughters Of
Gaul. Her indignation was at its height
when, 10. twelve o'clock rang forth in clear
tones from the region Of madame's dress
improver.
The expression of CONSERVATION depicted
upon the fair plferer's countenancc.t together
with the appositeness of The quaint pbe-
nomenon, was too much for the gravity Of
the officials, who burst into a ii' Of uueon-
trollable laughter Five minutes later a fe-
male warden returned the rel-talc time
piece to its owner. VIII Mr.. Oscar Wilde
still insist upon "the utter u>e,e>,nrsS Of
that hideous monstrosity hu.,ie3
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
The Sea of Galilee.
Cor. View orlcan, Timc,.prmocrat7

Cor. New Orleans Timr,- Democrat
One OF the FIRST things for which looked
here was the fishing industry uu' found
it not. There IS evidently only nue sailing
vessel on the lake, and but a very sm4u
handful Of clumsy row b'at,. When oue ot
these boats get out OF order, raer, lS seu.r-
al CONSERVATION, il is SAID. for The art rf
ship p-buildng is no longer known here
When we sent our servant -. tay VAIN iu-
structions to procure Ga.i,ee ii>A Tor dIuu-r,
he was unable TO find a single fish tu the
market. This is especially strange, i'-4>-
much as | have had positive evidence hat
the waters swarm with plscni0rl-. life to-dly
just as in the DAYS when Christ called Cali
lean fishermen to his discipleSh.i.
Yet fishing is still carried un here on 4
small scale. Even last night saw hant
push out to sea with nets aboard. ,>t as S.
mon did, no doubt, when he WIS bound -
"toil all night" al the same business.
This leads me To guess. Or 40 least 10
hope, that the citizens were NOT quite 81, .tzy
and worthless in the day, ui gue SOB Dt
Man They could not have been any worse.
The m ,dern GaIiIein would ride tvo-thrI-
the way around the lake uH TOE ragged black
of donkey or camel, rather tutJ display
the enterprise required to effect a crossing
in one-sixth the time by bot'. S,un.
and cupdlty are everywhere Unket,a ,y-y
that sorely tries OccideHta. patience.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
Burdette's Cow Problem.
sToCK-RAIsING BY GEoMETRIcAL PROGRESS
SION.
4 NUT FROM THE WOODEN NUTMEG STATE.
On the oath of January there was handed
q al. IL c.l

On the oath of January there was handed
to the editor the following question:
A man had COW, which has her first calf at
the age of B. and one each year till she is q.
Her offspring are all heifers and equally as
productive. How many head of cattle will
the man have at the end Of 81 years:
1t came in letter from Connecticut, mark
you, from Connecticut no other State could
have produced such a monstrosity. Ii didn't
look like monstrosity, though. at first. 1t
looked as harmless and peaceful as new
born babe. ln fact il looked easy. and the
editor thought he wouldn't PROFOUND it to
the people. but quietly give the answer at
once. So he sat down and consumed half
the valuable afternoon in answering that
easy problem. Only he didn', answer it.
II wouldn't answer. The more he worked
the madder he got, and at last he gave it up
in despair.
That childike md bland COW problem ap-
peared January IS.
The answers began TO come in the next
day. AT first it was rare fun reading them.
Then ii got a little monotonous. Then the
pigeon-hoes began to get filled up. That
COW began TO be dreary. The editor read
letters about that COW all day, and dreamed
of her all night. Life became a symphony
Of mathematical cows-or rather a dirge OF
algebraical calves.
The editor waxed fierce. and once more
attacked the problem himself He first tried
to prove that no COW ever lived twenty years.
Vain hope Then he argued that no such
Cow ever lived and by priori reasoning he
succeeded in convincing himself that no
sane prolific farmer would let such a dis
gracefully prolific COW live But still that
"suppo,e" stared him in the face Then he
manfu!Iy set oil bubbles aside and began to
@reste, lie wrcstIed as Jacob with the
ansel-al night. Victory was his reward.
and TO day, he triumphan,ly declares that at
the end Of ~ years that farmer had 1873
head of cattle.
The various answers sent in vary. In
fact they differ. They range all the way
from % up to H. 0i6. The man who said
Il was sxty-four sent postal later saving
he had forgot the old COW That merely
shows the intense interest the old COW has
excited. FL Nahdi i. nowhere beside that
COW. O'Donoyln Rosa and Mrs. Don't
try-to- pronounee-it Dudley are side issues
compared 10 the issue OF that COW. The
popular feeling Is well expressed in the brief
comment attached 10 the biggest answer.
Kill tia, COW man, he spoiled my sleep"
Il is even whispered by the elect tha, a chos-
en- band of dynamiters started for Connec-
,icut yesterday. The conundrum editor has
subscribed Literally toward paving their ex-
penses. And he says he will shoot on the
spot any man who ever SAYS anything to
him about a COW again.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

in another part of the quarters. Only a
ring was exposed. Ajax's fore legs we're
hitched to the ring on Friday morning.
Ropes were attached to his hind legs, which
were then drawn out, leaving him "spread-
eagled" on his stomach on straw.
Jack Forepaugh walked over Ajax's pros
trate body every few minutes. The elephant
was let up and thrown down several times
during the day. After three or tour hours
experience Of this kind Ajax became meek
er. and he was quite detected when, in the
evening, ne was unclaimed and ordered to
stand up. He was hobbed and thrown
down on Saturday morning. and when his
body touched the ground, he cried ou, aud
tears trickled down his trunk. He was con-
quered. The chains were removed at once,
and he got up quietly. At the word of com
mand he walked into the room be had brok :
en- out of on Monday night, and was as
meek as sheep.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

Gus for her age" observed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, calmly.
"It's those dod gasted Jumps of meat"
.narled Mr.. Spoopendyke, picking up his
pie and examining its knobs and bumps at
ten,ively. 81 thought they'd melt when sub
jected to intense heat. Anyway, the inside
Of that pie is all rignt, il could only get
the lid off. Got anything can get under
the edge and lift the roof off this business
Gimme that can opener. Give way, now
Whoop Once more Kiayah. All togeth-
er, now, Whe-e-e, There she comes y
And the crust gave way, revealing chunks
of beef and apple peelings, half-cooked and
still stesming.
Il suppose your mother put in the spices
and cider after the hired man had wrenched
the pie open," remarked Mrs. Spoopendyke,
solemnly.
"You do, do YEP" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. squatting down and resting his hands
on bis knees, while he grinned in his wife's
face. THAT lump of quicksilver you call
Your mind has got around 10 where it trans
acts the supposing business. has it P'raps
you don't like the pie Well, you needn't.
| don't force unpleasant acqualuiances on
my wife | believe in making home a par
adise, do Go forth, pie :" and he SHE'D
it through the window, glass. sash, and all.
That suit you? p he yelled. "Does your
moral nature feel relieved by the absence Of
the pie you have been instrumental in cast
ing upon the chilled charities of an unsym-
pathetic world p
IL guess that pie can take care Of itself,
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, soothingly.
The next time make one Ill try and have
1t Just as your mother used to-
You'll fetch il :" roared Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. stamping up and down the kitchen
and slapping the dour of his coat. You
never have any trouble with things, after
have shown you how Some day I'll pour
lard IN your ear. and spice in your eye, and
leave YOU in the oven to reflect On how you'd
like 10 be cut off from intellectual aud
ciaI intercourse, just because YOU amt half
baked :" and Mr.. Spoopend,ke slammed tue
door after him, and mounted the staircase
with heavy tread.
II don't care" murmured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, as she swept up the debris Il don't
care. II that is the way his mother made
pie. don't wonder il len strong impress
sion on his mind"
And with this charitable view Of the sit
uatlon Mrs. Spoopendyke sat down 10 the
consideration OF whether she'd better make
a false tram for her new black silk.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
Locked in the Grauary Buryiug Ground.

The Boston Ecrori say, that not long ago
gentleman irnm Illinois. who hat been
filed. as good many native We.tcfners
nasr been " IA romantic affection for some
% R1,tons ali institutions and lAndmI k
ht >'1rr, l,d nim Al h.s ianar- motlrr'~
knee, VT, ia filing the desire of hIs life ~
saturA,ing himself with the ,lghts Of ne
"ihre,.hiltel rebel town. After con>llera-
BE difficulty, he hal gained admission INTO
the Granary buryins ground, and was 50
long il s,aiyins the oii graves that the
custodian went out and locked the gate. IN
teniius TO return soon. SJnethlng unipre-
seen and imperative kept the sexton lonE
time. the Illinois man wanted 10 get out,
and found himself locked in. He hung
around considerable time and then began
to freeze, and even to get little scared.
Ii isn't altogether agreeable To be locked up
in graveyard even the Granary burying-
ground. He hadn't the courage to beat
against The tai, iron fence on Fremont street
ike Gagged animal, and MAKE a show ct
himself n the face Of the crowd. on tn
street; the small BOYS We're beginning to
get on to him" already. Bat he had to get
oui. He resolved 10 help himself to an e.
1t. and sought an eligible location at ihe
rear Of one Of the houses thit face on Bra-
con street. Against the window of a room,
occIpieI apparently for some domestic par
pose, he threw q large avs 'rtment Of peb1se~,
one atfcr ann,her, \ woman app ared an!
went away frightened. lie continued tl
throw pebbles. and At .lst man cam and
inrea up the window There VA, an ex-
panAtion, step ladder and an e,cipe; ana
the llno, man ha4 done the dear oi Gran
AIRY buryng ground thoroughly at least
as anybody ever did who diLn't stay there
.tor good"
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
She Probably Painted

Il was coming up on the car, YOU know, :
she ratified away, "ani | me; that Mrs.
johnson. She is always ,r,ing to lord it
over me. and knew by her looks she had
something awful TO say. In about a minute
She moved along, and says, saws she Have
YOU got your costumes p For what . says
|. For the Governors Veto says she.
Just think Of her ignorance 1t stunned me
SO that | could hardly get nv breath. |
saw it was my chance TO dress her feathers
down, and so put on all my dignity, raised
my voice so that all could hear, and saws,
says | : No, madam, I'm not going to the
Governors veto, but when the Governor 5
message takes place shall be there :
Great Scott exclaimed her husband,
'.but you didn't say message did you ?"
"Why, of course-what is it ?" "It's the
Governors levee, you idiot ."-Detroh Free
Press.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
St. Nicholas for April

Opens with a frontispiece illustration, hy w
ST. John Harper, OF The Giided Row Il true
story of Florentine pageant in liJ2. Indeed.
the romance of history forms 4 prominent fra-
ture of this number. In the Historic Girls"
series E.S. Brooks tells the story Of the .irlhuad
of ''Zenobia of Palmyra, a. based on inlufIna-
ton recently brought to light by Eastern ,choi-
ar., which is timely, in 80 far as il show, "A
prototype of the events of to-ddy-a mighty
European power humbled and hrd al bal by
the Arabs of many centuries ago. Coming 10
more modern days, there j. ii sketch OF Bach
which forms the first OF series Of brief bio
sraphies, by Agatha Tuni,, Of the great musi-
clans From Bach to Wagner"
Lieut. Schwatka tells, in ''Chidreu Of rhe
Cold,' of some of the popular games OF the
Eskimo; while Charles Barnard, in The
Boys Club" relates how some little New
York sayages, that have been caught and
tanned, amuse themselves in tpe clubhouse
Another Ready for Business paper dis
cusses the chances for young men in the field
of practical chemistry and +. +. Roe. in an
interesting installment of ''Dryen Back 10
Eden," contributes some sound and tilrfNly .s,f-
vice to young tillers of the soil
Among the Lawmakers" contains an anus
ing chapter on the pranks of the Senate-pages.
appropriate to the month ushered in by April
FOOLS Day; and j. L. Trow bridges serial,
His One Fault" goes brightly OH. OF the
many other features of the number. few are /:
beautiful dOuble-page picture called Easter
Morning. the Story OF mining camp pussy /,
entitled ssThe Conscientious Cat;'' u poein By
Celia Thaxter; one by Margaret Johnston.
illustrated by Jessie McDermott: aud another,
called "Who's Afraid in the Dark" with a
fullpage picture by Il. B. Birch.
What will greatly interest many readers is
the announcement Of the names OF the winners
in the prize-story contest for girls.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

By going few minutes sooner or later,
by stopping to speak with friend on the
turning down this street instead Of the other,
we may let slip some impending evil, by which
the whole current Of our lives would have
been changed. There is no possible solution
to the dark enigma but the one word, ..Proyi-
dence.'- Longfeu0,c.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

-"The development at the back of the
head, my friends, indicates filia affection, .
explained the phrenologist. "Now you will
observe he went on. feeling the head of the
boy on the platform. "that this bump is ah-
normal in size, thus indicating that this lad
loves and reveres his parents to an unusual
degree. Is ii not so, my lad ?" "Naw.'
WHAT You do not love your parents ?"
IL think well enough OF mither," replied the
hoy, but amt very fond of :eyther That
bump you're a-feelin' OF he give me last
night wild a stick
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

"Letie keep house ?" exclaimed Mrs
Afford as she laughed heartily. "The idea
Why, she doesn't know the frs, step toward
housekeeping"
al think it will be good time for her tc
learn" said Aunt Mercy. 1.-The wedding
will be during her vacation. You kept
house, Patience Afford before YOU we're a.
old as she is"
"les, my mother died. you know, and
had to- said Mrs. Afford. "Besides, Aun,
Mercy. haven't anything to wear"
AS bad of as Flora McFlimsy of Madi-
son Square" said Aunt Mercy, bursting in.
to a hearty fit of laughter.
Really, nothing to wear is true in my
case, Aunt Mercy. | have been trying to
get new black silk dress for a better time.
Leitie wants three new suits this summer
she is going 10 visit one other Young friends
at the seashore. and llarry's college expen-
ses are quite heavy, and so many other
things are to be bought for the four young
er children, that it is impossible for me TO
think of a new black silk dress this spring.
1t Is really great disappointment for me
not to go to the silver wedding. as have
always loved Clara Marshall since can re-
member When We were two little tots with
glngham sun-boHnets on We began to play
together in the fields. | don't know why
il is, but love Clara the best Of any Of my
school friends. 1t is great disappointment
10 me, but | wouldn't have Charley or the
children know it for anything"
After Aunt Mercy had been in the Afford
household a week. the boys had found a
place for their hats. bats and everything else
4l.t t,.fs. ! II
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

MERCY on US CHILD Cincinnati Moth
er-Well, my daughter, you we're very good
in church. Now, you shall have lots Of nice
presents il you can tell me what the sermon
was about.
Little Cincinnati Maiden-Oh. yes, Of
course. 1t was about heaven. Won't it he
nice Nothing but music gardens and rae
es and base-ball games and theaiers"
"Mercy on US, child Where did you get
that idea?"
From the preacher Of course, mamma
.'rhe preacher Why, what did be says'
"He said that 1t would be Sunday oil the
time.'
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
The ELLSWORTH AMERICAN,
Published ~ THE
Hancock County Publishing Compa,v
<. c. VAUGHAN eotroR
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.

one copy, il paid Ia advance. - ao
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previous notice has been given or not
LEGAL NEWSPAPER pEs'ISIp~S
L. Any person who II kcs paper regularly from,
Iht Post hitlce neither directed Ia his ma me or m
other "r whether he has subscribed 81 not-iA n,
-ioR-ihic for the pay
II any person orders his paper discontinued
hr must lnA all arpsaraScs or the publisher NAV
continue u send Il until pas rncui l. male and ~,
it ilir Whole amount neither II j. taAtn from N,
"ace or not
NnIIFF To - sRiHER~
Tho .iaie s'u the address laiei CA each sul.-.,ril
rf raler shows the time hich the .uls-.tii,
tan i- pHt1. and ali subscribers IN arrrar- an
rryu'-t''i Ia pay up s. possible
IN al communication relating Ia -Ilh~erifltian-
oAr correspondents requested to state ii,
Post pnicc te which TIC paper l. ar j. "a ie sent;
ant 8" De- careful te rtio all proper plain
iu .hpctng casRc, ~ address. alwavs give
Tire present address well u the one to which ven
wish the paper aftsrw af,l- -,,nt.
The following are authorized agc,,t- for the
ANtEtotN
NILS. W - Washington II Ea-;ou
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ani Al Broadway, \cw York
HORACE bonp. 36a Washington st. boston
tt". Ro~EIL \ 60, te spruce -. New York.
y u BATES. a Para Row. \yw FORK
\ W. AVER \ SOS. Ttns- NIilluF. rhtla.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

A MARTYR AND A CHRISTIAN was
dead and gone and YOU had another wife.
you'd find out how gentle and forgiving and
patient I've been you'd see then how I've
endured and put up with things :" "You've
no immediate intention Of giving me the op-
portunity ?" mo, sir; | hope I'm Chris
tian as well as a martyr, and I've too much
sympathy for the other women Harper's
Bdxdr
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
SCOTS Emulsion Of Pure
CoA Liver Oii. With llypsphesphtees

is Remarkable as Flesh Producer.
The increase Of flesh and strength, is percepti-
BILE Immediately after commencing to use the
Emulsion. The Cod Liver Oil emulsi6ed with
the Hypophosphites is most remarkable for its
healing, Strengthening, and flesh producing
qualities.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
Does your heart ever seem

Does yOuP heart ever seem 70 stop
and you feel death like sensation, do you
have sharp pains in region OF your heart sou
have Heart Disease. Try DR. GRAVES
HEART REGULATOR. sl.0a per bottle
Free pamphlet Of +. E. Ingalls,, Cambridge,
Mass.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02
Poetry.
The Baby of the Future.

Inc baby OF the Future.
From Punch.
Nurse.
How doth the little busy bee,
Improve each shining hour.
And gather honey all the day
From every opening flower.
Baby (coldly)-
How does the little be-, do this:
Why. by an impulse blind
Cease. then.to praise good works Of such
An automatic kind.
Nurse.
Let dogs delight to bark and bite.
For Heaven bath made them 30.
Let bears and lions growl and fight,
For It's their nature to.
Baby Ironically
Indeed: \ brutal nature, then.
Excuses brutal ways.
tnthinking girl. you little know
The problem that YOU raise.
Nurse continuing.
But, children. YOU should never let
You angry passions rise
Your little hands were never made
TO tear each Others eyes.
nj
Baby tcontemptuoUsly) -
Not ''made 10 tear: Well. what Of that:
y" more, NJ hrst, were claws.
All comes by adaptation. fool.
No need Of Final Cause
And II We use the bands To tear.
Just A. the nose to smell
Ere many ages have gone by
They'li de- II Nory we'll
Nurse.
Tom. Tom. the pipcr'- son
stole a pig, and away b,. rup,
Rahy tr,ur..,l,fpIl,,
,
'.''l'. I'm, AN"N H' F!'"
'iail',"f .'h'' "inN "hal H"u " iu''
u"ho'
x,,r.
~,
",",3-'', 'A'N'
~ " 'i''-'.,P,
Win ,i,. i,,.,,'.l, -
Tie cradl. wiIs,N;
DOWN. Nili conn, b.,by
Cradle and an.
Eab, l.l,jys
~ % ''u. !"l"
,,II 'aii''',"' ~. ''1 ~'''
illustration 10 me.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

"A boy in York State has swallowed
Tin whistle We are sorry for the whistle,
very sorry, but what relief il must be to
the neighbors.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

bdDN FtuIHIN =
How does the little bcc do this:
Why, by an impulse blind.
Cease. then.to praise good works OF such
An automatic kind.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

%. % F-LsJ.e ;.,D.i- y" .-f,,c Fr.ia.
Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1885-04-02

From Punch.
Nurse.
How doth the little busy bee,
Improve each shining hour.
And gather honey all the day
From ever, opening flower.