River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-06-18

The Niagara Falls hackman contends
that he belongs to the natural scenery
and shouldn't be removed
Friction maj ches arc now made at
the rate of $4,000 per minute. and the
children can have plenty to play with.
bio Lewis has lived so high while
recommending everybody else to
srarve that he doesn't feel very well
himself
The people who rent houses IN New
York city have made no demand for
rents to come down. All they ask is
for the walls to stand up.
1t takes two weeks to recover from
the effects of pepper thrown into the
eyes BE satisfied to take these fig
ures instead of the pepper.
Recent events prove that Riel had
more blab than fight in his compost
ton. lie probably expected to be
bought off instead of attacked.
Nicolini not only played billiards
when he should have been singing tor
Mapleson, but he played such a poor
game that everybody stuck him.
A wildcat, which escaped from the
Cincinnati Zoo three months ago,
has been the means of keeping 10, 900
boys home o. nights ever since.
A New York State woman pointed
an old pistol at Tramp and it blazed
away and killed $50 calf. She ought
to have pointed It at the calf.
The Rev. Tom Beecner has made
request in his will that his body be
cremated and that his widow avoid
wearing black. Nothing captious
about him.
What on earth the army wants of a
$4,000 balloon is a mystery, but the
Ordnance Board has ordered one
made. Perhaps it is to give the Oil
GERS an airing.
The building inspectors of Chicago
have held an inquest on a structure
which tumblcd down, and come to the
conclusion that lit probably was not
substantially erected"
They took three ounces of brains
away from Pennsylvania man with
out iniuring his smartness in the least.
There is a great deal of waste material
about the human body.
A horse at Charleston tipped over
couple of bee-hives to see if they con-
tanned oats or bees. 1t panied him
considerably to discover that oats
weren't left lying around in that shape.
One reason why England shouldn't
allow Russia to seize Herat is because
she intends to give it u new name in
case of possession. 1t will be called
Popotfkoskovitch or some such thing.
The son of Barrios, who is in school
at West Point, wants to go to Guate-
mala and avenge the death of his
father, but his landlady has forbidden
him to leave the house until his board
bill is rccelpted.
The newspapers in Liberia have
formed ring, and run the price of
advertising a lost cow or a cook want
ed up to twenty-five cents. The eX-
element is intense, and indignant
crowds are holding public meetings..
A New Yorker wants divorce on
the grounds that his wife. who was Il
widow when he married her, said
nothing about her children. but had
five whom she suddenly rushed in on
him before the honeymoon had waned.
The Lowell Citizen has learned that
a melon growing upon a shrub is the
latest fruit novelty in California.
When this new style becomes general
ly adopted melon stealing win not be
near so hard on fellows back as it is
now.
James Fenton took walk in Chica-
go. A female at a window smiled on
him. He rang the bell, was knocked
down by a man, and finally recovered
sense enough to understand that the
smile was intended for a poodle dog
on the street.
If you have a country-seat fashion
demands that you must name it after
the naples or beeches. If you don't
happen to have one, and can hardly
pay your rent in town, fashion will
permit you to call the old shanty
'Idlewild, F." elm Hall. or something
of that sort Detroit Free Press.