Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1885-09-29

Various Items.
scrofula, and all forms of scrofu-
lous diseases, are rapidly purged out
by the use of Ayers Sarsaparilla.
"Pa, why does a man break a
promise so readily?'' {. Because, my
son, it is SO easy to make another"
? Ladies admire Ayers Hair Yigor
for the rich lustre it gives the hair.
1t restores color, and promotes
growth.
Time changes all things" said a
lecturer, at which an auditor cried
out: q If that's so, boss, I'd like to
have it change this ere ten dollar
counterfeit bill"
A manufacturer of glass eyes says
that his products are now so skill
fully made as to defy detection.
Even the wearers of the glass eyes
can't see through the deception.
When woman is giving her hus-
band bit of her mind, he should try
and imagine what it would be like if
he was Mormon and was having
seventeen such bits served to him.
A sleeping car porter is reported to
have shot man on Western rail
way train. There is nothing extra
ordinary about this. Some men
have to be killed before they will
submit to be robbed.
+ An old and intimate friend of mine
is Parker's Hair Balsam. have
used it five years, and could not do
without it. 1t has stopped my hair
from falling, restored its natural
black color and wholly cleansed it
from dandruff. Pearl Aneson,
st. Louis, Mo.
Z" My DEAR demonstrated wife
peering out from under the bed
clothes, az do wish you would use
the word shoel. 1t sounds BETTER"
1t may sound better at times" re-
piled her husband, who was noisily
nursing his heel, but when man
steps on a tack he wants the old YER
sion."
Said an exasperated Texas father
at the dinner table: &c You children
turn up your noses at everything on
the table. When I was a boy 1 was
glad to get enough dry bread to eat. -
'' say, pa, you are having a much
better time of it, now you are living
with us, amt you?" remarked little
Tommy.
If your hair is turning gray. don't
use the poisonous dyes which burn
out its life and produce many dis
eases of the scalp. Ayers Hair Wig
or is positively harmless, aud will
restore the natural color of the hair,
stimulate its growth, and bring back
its youthful gloss and beauty.
Mr.. Dusenberry-'' You have gone
TO housekeeping, L hear. Nicely
fixed, Isuppose?" AIr. Jenks-''Yes.
My wife is perfectly delighted. She
reminds me of tea-kettIe, she sings
so pleasantly" :" Mr.. Dusenberry-
6 My wife often reminds me of tea
kettle, too.'' SIr. Jenks-ss In what
way?" Mr.. Dusenberry-"I never
know when she is going to boil over. 4"
That IS buckshOt dose" said a
druggist yesterday as he finished a
prescription. .. What is buckshot
dose?" "When doctor don't know
exactly what to give patient he or
ders half dozen things put in his
prescription, hoping that one of them
may hit the right spot. We call it
buckshot prescription because a
man loads his gun to the muzzle on
the same principle.
M. r. Prime, Esq, Girard, Pa,
says he tested the relative value of
I'owell's Prepared Chemicals with
three super-phosphates of high grade
and costing s34.O0 per ton. He had
the best crop where he used the
Chemicals, and hereafter shall use
them exclusively. This preparation
costs only 500 per bbl., sufficient
quantity to make one half-ton OF
complete fertilizer. Brown Chemical
Co., manufacturers, Baltimore, Md.