Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-05-03
TIE lInF-xILN clue


then announced the fact that the Hon.
0verplus Boggs, of Delaware, was in the
anteroom and waiting to deliver his cele-
brated lecture on viii the Coming Man
Shoot OFF His MouthT The reception
committee went out to escort the great
man in, but presently returned with the
statement that he was lying on bench IN
q deep stupor, and that he had evidently
been drinking heavily.
"De committee, assisted by Giveadam
Jones" said the President will escort de
leckturer down stairs in de most convenient
manner, an when he has reached de alley
dan it will be de dooty OF de committee to
see dat de occashun be made memorable
one in bis diary for 1885"
Two boot heels and broken suspeuder
were found in the alley next day, and It IS
presumed that somebody exerted himself.
A Good Investment.
The Secretary announced the following
official report from the branch clab at
Petersburg, Va
The name OF this club is The Anti
Liars" and We have IA active members.
| Our financial policy has been 10 tne each
member 81 for every lie told. At the end
of eighteen months we counted up and found
we had taken in $3.50. Eli Perkins came
here TO lecture before our \. NJ. c. A, and
after the lecture We made him an honorary
member and i'll less than forty minutes we
;. TOOK in over $500.
CONSIDER GREESLEAr.
p. S.-Do YOU know any other person
who would be as profitable to US as an hon
orary member as Eli? If so, who?
| At Montgomery.
The branch at Montgomery, Ala, which
entities itself The Spartan Fathers from
Sparta" reported membership OF 2So,
which is a gain OF GO in three months. The
club was working very tremendously, aud
the only dark shadow on the horizon was
cast By the White Mans Drug Store elubr
OF the same city. This latter club had the
whole field to itself for years, and was now
intensely Jealous of its Young but sturdy
rival, and had made threats Of blowing Up
Sparta Hall 10 wipe o t compeuaon'
Many Thanks,
| The following communication was then
read in tremulous manner:
ANDERSON, S. c., April 10, 1885.
Bro. Gardner
At the last meeting of our club, which il
called The Heroic Whitewash Society
our Secretary read an account of your
temporary illness, and the club al once
PASSED the following resolution:
Resolved, That it is the sense Of this
meeting that Brother Gardner should soon
recover his health but if Providence direct:
that he be stricken down and gathered into
the arms Of death, this club stands reacy to
donate $50 Tor one OF the biggest funerals
ever held in America.
There is very little lime 10 be had in thi:
locality, and we have to DO q great deal o
our wiitewashing with lamp black. Wha
rates can you give us on car load OF fal
Iime warranted free from all rust or in
sects3 FAR or SMITH, secretary
The President returned what he called
his "infammatory thanks Tor the resolution
of sympathy, and the Secretary was direct
cd 10 make the very lowest rates on lime
ard throw in two dozen whitewssh brushes
Can't Come Too Fast.
During the reading of the following com
munication the hall was 80 quiet that thu
| grocery man DtlOH NOuIi NC i4VhAN a4'N'Ae
beans with the coffee
BRooKlYy, April IL, 1885.
GEYTLENEy-I have read with uneqri
vocal satisfaction the proceedings Of thu
Lime-Kiln Club for year past, and to-
wisdom you have shown in disposing OF th
knotty problems which have come betor
you has completely captured my admlra
lon for you, as a man who fully prove
that we have amongst US one who can c)p1
with the most distinguished white gentle
NJ en- in all matters Of philosophical nature
As have the honor 10 be the first colOrec
man who graduated from Harvard | nj
versity, take great interest in al
matters pertaining to the welfare oil on
people. ! have prepared lecture on tn
ancient customs and habits Of oar race, ii
which ! am prepared to show that the.
we're originally inhabitants Of New Jersey
During a tour through that delightful coan
try-as valet TO a distinguished Boston
gentleman-I discovered in an old castle al
ancient scroll, which upon dec pering
found to be q record oil the meeting OF
club exactly similar to the Lime Kill
Club oil Detroit. A further search through
the old castle convinced me that Their
was something in common between thes
two races. After vigorous search un
| ear,hed the material for this lecture, ii
which expect to prove that even some o
the members of the Lime. Kiln CLUB may b
descended from the ancieLt kings Of jersey
am prepared to deliver this lecture free Il
the club. provided am furnished with be-
and hoard during the few days shall spen
IL Detroit can make arrangements viii
my brother, who is palace car porter, 10
trip out and back.
Yours for the advancement OF our race,
-. GEEsSsToNE A. JAcASoY
Phi D. ard b. A.
| Several round. Of appliance greeted tht
finish OF the lettcr, and Pickles Smith Aro'
and said
If lie descended from a king ! want t
know il AZ soon as possible, kase my credi
n de grocery am giirin powerful shaky."
Trustee Puback added that he had al
as,s nistrusted he had kiDgly blood can
TO- ny through his veins, aud he wonIt
give s. 10 have the matter settled.
The Rev. Penstock wore a radiant smil
as he rose up to remark that his researche
IN An old fish shanty in Canada had lonl
alo convinced him that he had ri ght t
cart his hair in the middle.
The President cut short further discussion
bv iustructing the Secretary to TELEGRAPH
Mr.. Jackson to come on at once and to add
hat he would be lodged on springfield an;
fed on the fat OF the land.
Fair Warning.
a communication from Memphis gave in
formation that Division John Smith. 81
honorary member OF the club, was adver
Using 10 cure consumption by the laying OF
of hands, and in order to fill his purse va
making all colored persons within ten mile
of him believe that they had the fell disease
A communication from Richmond, Va
likewise announced that Prof Phosphate
Wellington, another honorary member wa
prac,icing as a fortune.teller, and everyon,
Who paid him fifty cents was gwen 80 much
I'D Irck that work at 81 a day was M