Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-03-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Paris generally leads in the fashions,
but Niagara cannot be equaled for fall
style.-1eras SJtings.
Beginners with the roller skates usual
" complain that the wheels are too
round. .-BufalO Times.
None but brides wear white gloves:
The bride wears white gloves to conceal
her nails COurier-JOu,maL
Somebody has noticed that woman
who shakes the door mat on the side
walk fills the public eye. ."-Lyn" Item.
A policeman is a curious creature. He
knows rogue when he sees him, but
very often he doesn't seize rogue When
he knows him.-Judge
Oscar Wilde has been so toned down
that he can fall off the hind end OF
horse car in as plain a fashion as any
other mortal.-PhtSburq Chronicle.
+. Mistortunes never come singly,"
whined man meeting his friend.
"What's the matter now?" Why,
last year l got married, and last night
nv house burned down"
A Queen City girl, eating souse
Caught aglimpse of beautiful mouse,
When the note that she reached,
As she stood up and screeched,
Would have drawn 81 ,OO0 house
Boston Folio.
"Yes,n said the Scissors to the Paste
Pot, ''tirst there was the Golden Age,
then came the Silver Age and the Brazen
Age. and now comes the Mucil Age,
whereat the Paste Pot went into convul-
sions.- Boston Globe.
'Did you enjoy the party, Emma4"
"Ever so much, mamma" 81 hope you
we're a good little girl and listened to
what was said to you?" 81 did, mamma,
l listened all the evening to one person
talk" "Who was talkingl" II was" 4"
An exchange has an article on "Char-
acter in Walking" This just suits us.
We can tell in two minutes by the char
acter of mans tracks in the mud
whether he is bow-legged or has been out
celebrating all night.-B~rlingt0" Fire.
Press.
"How do you like your boarding
house. Crimsonbeak" said a friend to
that individual when they met on the
street. First rate !" answered Crimson
beak. "Any life down thereW Lots
of it; but it's all confined to the cheese. "
| Statesman.
ODE TO A BLIZZARD.
Oh, thy breath is as bitter and biting
As the sting of serpent's sharp tooth,
And fiercely thy force we are fighting,
For we reckon thee reckless of ruth!
Though sweet and serene is the summer
That borrows her breath from the rose,
Yet the coachman and cold-hearted plumber
Beam blithely when Boreas blows.
--Ne,U York Journal.
Lieutenant-There is nothing like
presence of mind. One day in battle a
soldier near me had four of his teeth
knocked in by rifle ball, which would
have surely passed through his spinal
column and killed him had he not with
rare presence of mind quickly swallowed
the bal. l.-Fltegende Blaetter.
, "What's the reason you didn't speak t.
, Jones when he passed US just nows" "H,
, iusulted me the other day." "What die
. he say to you?" ''He called me an ole
ass" =" Called you an old ass! How
ridiculousl Why, you are not old; yot
are just in your prime. You will not b.
an old ass for ten or fifteen years yet. "
5 NSytingS.
f There was court martial held on
Y Young officer who had gone on spre
e and had fight in a barroom. The ba
2 proprietor was brought before the cour
f and put in the witness box. The pris
i oner was placed in full view. 'Witness
e do you recognize the prisoner9" 'Ye'
s your honor, and most of the court. y
6 San Francisco Chronicle.