St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-05-28
SQUIBS.

Why is it dangerous to be out in the
spring. Because the grass has blades,
the flowers pistils, the leaves shoot
and the bullrushes out.
"Why is a Young man like a kernel
of corn " asked yOung lady. "Be-
cause" said another, she turns white
when he pops"
81 shall be obliged to raise the rent"
remarked a tramp, rs he disengaged
his trousers from the dogs teeth and
Press.
"Hello, Smith Suppose a man mar
ries his first wife's step-sister's aunt,
what relation is he to her 2" "First
wife-um-step-au - er-let's see-I
don't know" "Bright fellow He's
her husband"
~ don't understand how the rail-
roads can afford to reduce the fare to
one cent a mile" sob, it's very sim
Pile" "They have to make up the loss
in some way" ''They do" GLOW 2"
''Make the the sleeping-car porter di-
vide with the company Rochester
Post Express.
''And so you are comfortably fixed
now" pleasantly remarked one lady to
another. 'Oh, yes we own our home,
and are getting along very WELL" re-
piled the other. ''How did your hus-
band make his money 2" was asked.
'Out of OF, was the reply. ooh, bor
ing for it Z" "NO, ma'am." ''Buying
oil land p ''No, ma'am." "SpecuIat-
ing ?" ooh, no." GLOW did he make
his money out of it, then p "By keep
ing out of it, Rochester POst-Ex-
press.
ga gentleman at Middletown, Conn.,,
when the time came for II collection in
church the other Sunday, gave his son
some money to put in the box. He
was surprised, when the box was pass
ed, to the little fellow hold on to
the money. On being asked why he
did this he answered, Saving it for
the circus"
''Does your husband sleep sound ?"
asked Mrs. CObbs, in the course of a
call upon Mrs. Dobbs. "Sound - re-
sponded Mrs. Dobbs. "Well, | should
say | don't believe you or anybody
else ever heard such sound. It's enough
to stop an alarm clock" The caller
murmured that some men were that
way.
At back bay breakfast table few
days ago the conversation turned up
on heaven. AT the table sat restless
boy of 10 whose Offending ADAM
sometimes brings the record of his
school department down below 100
Presently a guest remarked "NOne
but the good will go to heaven"
eyes," chimed i'll this boy, "a fellow
must stand 100 in department there"
He was at breakfast, wrestling with
piece of remarkably tough veal. His
wife said to him: ''YOu always say
there's something to be thankful for in
everything. | guess you'd be puzzled
in this instance" "NOt at ALL" he re-
spOnded, stopping to breathe 81 was
just thinking how grateful we should
be that we met it when it was young"
"Maggie, dear, if | should attempt
to spell Cupid, why could l not get be-
You'd the first syllable ?" Maggie gave
it up, whereupOn William said "Be- |
cause when [ come to II, of course |
cannot go farther" Maggie said she |
thought that was the incest cOnundrum
she had ever heard.
care you enjoying your dinner ?"
asked Bobby of the minister, who was
taking a Sunday dinner with the fam
lily.
eyes, RObby," responded the minis
ter, pleasantly.
mamma said this morning that she
thought you would, as she didn't sup
pose with your small salary and big
family you got much to eat from one
weeks end to another