davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
HUMOROUS.


The only real travelling ineoe is
when one goes up in an elevator
LoWeH Courier. INh
-"l'll join you presently" as the
minister remarked To the young couple
just as he started for the key TO the
church door. Boston Tetegram
"A famous tenor has injured his
voice by having a toothpick lodge i'm
his throat. He probably swallowed
the toothpick to give his voice more
timbrc. rn...
Prisoner (desirous Of Gatteringr tho
Court i think there is a fine express
sion in Your Honor's face Judge (ur-
banely)-So there is, and the fine is ten
dollars and costs. - Boston Courier.
Spoodle was saying that when he
was abroad he was presented at court.
"The deuce you werew exclaimed
FOgg. How did IL happenP How
much did they fine youP"--BostoH
Transcript
"A medical writer says nature never
intended women 20 wear rings i'm their
ears. II this man thinks the fair sex
will drop rings and wear Goldfish balls
he is very much mistaken. FHiludcL-
phfa ChT0Htcie-Hcraid
This French cooking is great
art, isn't itP' How SOP "Why
they disguise the dishes so nobody can
tell what the ingredients are ooh,
yes, we have that at our boarding.
house we call it hash. w. 1hc RGDibicr.
-Ethel-"Papa, I am getting up n
subscription 90 buy u lovely dollar doll
J saw in window yesterday" Papa
"Wcll, my child, is your subscription
nearly made upP' Ethel -"Oh, yes,
papal Almost. All need from you
isabare ninety-cightcents. ~ tit Bits.
-DeGuy Dearest Amelia"---
Amelia "Sirl' "What is the matterp'
you have your arm around my
waistP' - am aware Of IL. my DEAR
u am surprised. and ! ought 20 call
papa, ] know. Now. sir, ] will qiyo
you just thirty minutes % remove our
arm. ~ Phnofciphia CGH.
We have just learned that the Post
office Department at Washington has
over $1,000, 900 taken from registered
letters, and we desire TO apologize to
our delinquent subscribers for any uu-
complimentary remarks we may have
made concerning them. We thought
II was a little strange that the money
hadn't been received that was all
Mercb0H TraUe'er
Partial Loss: Al the children had
eaten their supper, a good plain meal
of bread and milk. An except johnny,
who was shut up in the closet Ic had
been g very bad boy SO after the rest
were iu bed his mother tucked him in.
She was too full 20 say a word and so
was her naughty little son. When she
went 3nd the other boys said John
NY lost bis supper tonight he could
restrain himself no longer and ex.
claimed yes. but the slide in tae
pantry was open and ] ate whole
cranberry pie. Aud the OthIr bows
can not understand the prosperity u
the wicked. .- boston Post.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
Violating HIs Contract.

"Pa, said Bobby. who had been al
lowed % sit up a little while after din
uer with the distinct understanding
that he was to ask no foolish queetions.
"can God do everything?"
eyes.
Can Re mske.a twO-foot rule with
only One end 10 it2'
"Ope more question like that said
fhc old man. "and you viii be packed
Oh TO Oed.
Bobby nodded sleepily for ten min
utcs and then asked.
"Pa. can camel go seven days
without waier9'
"Yes
"NNen. now many days could he 90
If he nad watcr?'
The next thing Bobby knew he was
In bed N y. San.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
WOULDN'T BE Rash.
The Rebuf Received by "a NeighborIy In
cllncd CoIored Lndy.

The RebuT Received by NeighborIy In
clincd CoiOred Lady,
Lady" said negro woman, stop
ping at the gate of a prominent citizen
and addressing the mistress of the
household, e" wants ter tell yer dat /
hab mubed inter de house jes ercross
de street. an dat ef fins ycrs de
right sort er pusson I'll neighbor wild
yer"
"What do you mean?"
"Nuthin' outen de way, lady. Jes'
wants ter fine out ef yer's de right sort
o pussOn an ef yer is. I'll neighbor
wild yer. Lady, wants ter barrer er
dress ter war ter de funuln
''Go ON away from here, you good
fOr-notEing thing"
Lady, III gin yer one mo- chance.
likes ter hab good ncighbors whar-
eber Ibis, an / ain gwincter be rash
erbout nuthin'. Len me dat dress ter
war ter dc funul."
$50 on away, / tell you. / won't
lend dress DO you think I'd wear
dress after you had worn it?''
"I'll gin you one mo chance, for ez
/ tell yer J neber is rash. Len me er
dress, case ! wants ter be er ncighbol
wild yer. Is yer gwneter let me bab de
dress?"
"Go away, or I'll send fora police
man"
"I'll go. Yer kahn be no neighbor
o mine, fur 1 kahn git no satisfack-
shun outcn yer. Use mighty pertic ler
erbout my ncighbOrs. One pint wid
me is ter cit good ncighbors an den
go erhcad Now, ] won't be rash"
The lady slammed the door. Arkan-
san IrdUeier
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
Valuable Arkansas Hay.

A man while passing the house Of an
honest farmer saw number of boys
br akipg q lot Of swift h f from dead
trees. The man was at "a loss TO know
what the bows wanted with the
switches; and was about 60 make in
luiry of pasGer1v. when the honest
farmer came mp TO the fence
"My friend said the traveller. "why
10 You have those switches gathered? Pr
because they are valuable the
louest farmer replied.
What, to be used for kindling Gres2'
ooh, no.
Then, what do You do with them 9'
81 bale 'em up, take 'em TO Little
Rock and sell EN- for bay. '-.ArkaHsaU
IraCelcr
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25

"A m, sneak stole one Of the ouls
two clgt No won on The election. Il
the One 1" 'ole made him as tired 90,
che remair 90 one made us we bad q
terrible rcyangc.-FaH Riccr AdraRce.
Take one bushel Of green toma
toes begins q recipe Oughtto coi .
tinue And throw them in the canal
DuUiNc Breezo.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
b. d D. X. Il. TIMETABLE.
WESTWARD.

Condensed timetable OF rassenrer train
or the st, ious named below.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25

BE tdes the abovenamcd rains there is a
Way Ira n with assenger ca. attache that
goes both East and Wet daily ca, ept sun ay
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25

-Alphons, Dtudct SAYS he axes q
year for each novel Each boob IS
written out three times. There IS only
ne in..n in the world who cfu read
)tudets manuscript and that is bis
private secretary
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
The EGGS That NEVER AArcA

There's young uNaa on the corner
tilcd ith life and strength and hope;
Looking tar eoy ond the prcScnt
With the whole world ia hts SCOPE
He u grasping az tomorrow.
That phantom mono can catch:
TODAY IS lost. He's waiting
For the oggS that never hatch.
There's an old mau over yonder,
With worn and weary face
W tn searching, anxious features
And weak uncertain pace.
he Is living in the future,
With no desire TO catch
Tho golden Now. file waiting
tor the eggs that never hatch.
There n world OF men aud women
With thor hfe's work vet tndone
Who are sitting. stand ny. moving
- heheath tue same grt at sun:
Ever eager for the future
IL not content 20 suatch
The Present. They are waiting
Tor the eggs that never hatch.
--hcyciSdnt ri1tvsler.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-12-25
TgLsPHoNlNe AT SEA.
The Question OF ships at Sea CommunI
eating with Zach other theoretically
Solved.

The Question OF ships at Sea ComnunI-
eating with Zach other theoretically
Solved.
Professor Bell Of telephone fam,
and Professor Trowbridge of Harvard
College have theoretically solved th,
question Of ships at sea communicating
with each other, and both are anxious
for practical tests. The results so fai
obtained apply TO steamships which ar,
lighted by electricity, and consequent,
have dynamOs on board wire which
is attached 10 the dynamo is allowed to
trail after the vessel in the water. thu.
giving 1t what amounts TO ground CON
neciion. The end ON shipbOard has
telephone attached. This end, by it
connection with the dynamo, is posi-
tive. while the end trailing i'm the wa
ter is negative If the wire is a mile
long, then the water about the ship foI
halt mile would be positive. and the
water within the other half radius
would be negative. Thus there Is a
large area Of water about the vessel
which is affected positively or negative
". and no vessel With a corresponding
telephone attachment can enter this
area without giving notice 70 the listen
q on board both 5hirs. and eommuni-
cation can be carried on over the
wires BY such arrangements collision
can be- prevented in fogs a. communi-
cation can Doe continually carried on as
long as thc vessels are within the given
area II. ou pHctca. tests. comnuni-
'Jt.on can thus be uccessmilv carried
)n. the ocean racers can, Boy mutually
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
HIGH" LICENSE.

The State of Georgia is the only
State in the Union which has any
thing approaching high license.
In several counties the price of IL
cense has been fixed at $4,000 in
others SIS 900, and in two or three
cases at $4,000; and now comes
GAINESVILLE with 100000 for Ii
cense.
1t is farce to talk of $3.50 OF
$500 in the State of New York as
high license.
All that is desired here for high
license is to give sanction and ire
spectability" to the traffic and pre-
vent its being prohibited by law
Tenn Aduocate.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Whittier's Letter to a Pennfield
Girl.
country,

The senior class of the Edinboro
State Normal School recen tlv ce'e-
brated the birthday Of the Quaker
Poet Whittier, in an appropriate
manner. A member of the class,
Miss May Bird, of Pennfeld, Clear
field county, wrote the venerable
poet in behalf of her colleagues,
informing him of their intentions
and received the following reply:
OAK KNOLL, Mass, Dec, '84
Dear Friend Il am happy to
know from thy kind and pleasant
letter that / am to be remembered
by the Edinb Normal School on
my birthday. hope the members
of the school will find something
in my writings to make their
study of them not altogether an
profitable and uninteresting. You
are preparing yourselves for one of
the noblest vocations open to man
or woman-that of teacher. The
hope and safety of our country de-
pend upon your work. AS teachers
under God you will be creators of
the future. God grant that you
may realize the nobility and re
sponsiblity of the work before you
"a work which, if rightly done,
will be ats own exceeding great
reward" Assure thy schoolmates
of my best wishes and accept my
thanks for thy letter, which came
to me like the note of Il May Bird"
in December. Thy friend,
j. G.. WHITTIER.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
A Team of Deer.

A curious looking team, attached
to Light buck board, attracted the
attention of a crowd of men and
boys at the Junction. The team
consisted of two immense buck
deer, with large antlers, and look
ed as though they might outrun q
streak of lightning. Their har-
ness was made entirely of buck
skin, there not being a buckle
about them. The driver and proud
owner was a Digger indian, well
knorn by the name of Buck horn
by our sportsmen who have visited
Big Meadows for the purpose of
hunting and fishing during the
pleasant outing season. Old Buck
horn is the high chief of the Dig
gers in the neighborhood of Big
Meadows, or Greenville. AS q
guide in that grand sporting coun-
try he is an invaluable acquisition
to any party of campers. 1t is said
he is moderately we'll off, owning
d drove Of ponies and number of
cattle and sheep This novel team
of his has been in use for several
years, he having caught the deer
when they were small In the
winter, when the ground is cover
ed with snow, Buckhorn bitches
his team to sleigh, and goes
dashing across the country.-Butte
Record
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Our Native Woods.

Thirteen easels. made of as many
d fferent kinds of wood, all native
of this State, are being made at
the G. & O. Shops in this city, and
will be sent to the New Orleans
Exhibition. They are each seven
feet high, aud upon them will be
placed scenes from along the line
of the G. & O Railway. Among
the woods we recall are maple,
beech, birch, elm, persimmon, oak,
chestnut, sycamore, walnut, yellow
pine, ash and hickory. The design
of the easels was invented at these
shops and the finish on th Sc com
pleted is elegant. - Huntington
Cam D,erci1L
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
WEST VIRGINIA FREEMAN
CORRESPONDENTS.
Foolish Excuses.

Mr.. EDITOR: While can wasting
for names to the petitions to the
Legislature, l met men who put
up some of the most foolish, vain
and frivolous excuses that the hu.
man mind could invent. for not
signing the petition.
1t was the first time that | ever
knew that Blaine, Cleveland and
st. John had power over nature to
prevent it from raining, causing
navigation to cease on our rivers,
and making a general business
stagnation, especially along the
public thoroughfares. Repu blicans
said that Cleveland and st. John
did it, while Democrats would will
ingly swear that Blaine did it.
TO tell the truth, | did not ap-
prove of St. Johns candidacy, and
thought it was a mistake, and so
far have not changed my mind
yet. But why all this uproar and
abuse of men for their honest con
victions? Have St. John and his
followers no rights that we are
bound to respect? 1t is true Blaine
failed to get there" but it was
not 50 much because of the candi-
dacy of st, John, as his and Conk
ling's old quarrel.
Bat how preposterous it is for
men protesting the religion of Je-
sus Christ, to say that because Gas
they suppose( Mr.. St John defeat
ed Blaine, that now in return they
intend to defeat Prob ibition in
West Virginia.! God can not look
com placently on course pursued
by His followers that is inimical
to lis divine laws.
As a sovereign citizen | support
ed Mr.. Blaine, and under the same
circumstances would freely do it
agaln. But my Prohibition prin
ciples are above all parties and
men, and rather than sacrifice
them | would surrender all my
former party affiliations. Very,
very many Blaine Republicans,
(yat strong Prohibitionists) have
in my knowledge been driven to
this conclusion since the election,
by the abuses of intolerant Blaine
men. Rather than fight Prohibi-
ton, and by SO doing fight against
God, they will never cast another
parti-au vote. And there are
scores of them thinking this way.
Yours,
A BLAINE REPUBLICAN.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Monroe County Letter.
ANDERSON, w. Va, Jan.2O, 'S5.

ANDERSON, w. Va, Jan.2O, 'S5.
EDITOR FREEMAN The effort to
get signers to the Temperance Pc
tion to the Legislature to submit
the proposed Amendment to the
vote of the people, was not very
vigorous one, and is not proper
index to the Prohibition sentiment
in this section of the State. The
ballot box, am sure will display
heavier force. In NY intercourse
among the people [ have heard
but one man express the sen timent
that the vote for whisky would
carry the day. We will see
But | wish to refer to some relig-
ious matters. The past year has
been one of considerable prospect
ty among the churches of this
part of the State, but owing to re-
movals and other causes, there are
quite number of pastorless
churches now seeking supplies,
among which are Falls of Kanaw-
ha, Cotton Hill, Ansted, Sewell
Station, Raleigh c. H., Mountain
Greek, Flat Top, Peach Creek, etc,
the three last in Mercer county !;
the first four in Fayette county.
Now it is certainly not wise to or
ganize number of small churches
soon to dwindle and die for want
of ministerial supplies. But L wish
to say to those churches along the
lihe of the G. & O. railroad, that
there are two Sundays in the
month, one-half of my time, not
engaged, and while the Master ia
vors me with health and strength
to labor, / desire to live in his ser
vice, and if any of these churches
want my services they can but say
so. Address Anderson, w. Va.
Wishing success to every good
word and work, 1 subscribe myself
your brother. NJ. ELLISON.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Commissioners Sale.

Pursuant to the req uirements of decreo
of the Circrit Court of Wood C ,un V, render
ed ut the November Term, 1884, in the chan.
Gerry cause wherein .. :. Jones is complain.
ant and the Heirs at Lawof David A. John.
son, deceased, ana 9th ers are defendants the
undersigned, Special Commissioned, will,
on the 21st day of February, 1885.
Chat being a Court day. at the front door of
the court House of Wood county, West Va,
proceed to sell ut public auction, the ract of
land by said decree required To be sold, to-
wit: a tract OF ONE HUNDRED I'D FOR
TY-ONE ACRES, situated on JOhnsOn's
Run, IN Union and Parker burg Districts In
said county of Wood, and particularly de-
scribed in the Dee of Trust from David A.
johnson and wife to A. /. BoremHn, Trustee
dated the 2}d day of Jai uary, 1850, and re-
corded in Trust and Mortgage Book No5
p ge 233, in the office of the Clerk of the
County curt of Wood county.
Terms of Sale:-One-thifd of the purchase
money to be p id cash in hand on day of
sale; the residue to be paid in three ecaal
and twenty-four months respectively, with
interest from date, the purchaser being re-
quire.: 70 give his notes, bearing interest,
with good security, for the deferred pay
InentS. and a lien will be re aimed on the
land as an additional So curty.
H. FOREMAN,
DAVE D. JOHNSON,
Special commissioners.
Bond in the penaltyo of $500 as requi ed by
law, and the terms of sid decree, has been
given by the above named Special Commits
siuners in the said cause
o. M. CLEMENS, c. C. c.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Is. & o. Free Library.

Another advance, stride is the
movement of the B. & o. and the
B. & o. Relief Association to estab-
lish a circulating library free to the
mem bers of the Relief Association.
Donations Of books or money will
be received and devoted to stocking
the shelves of a room furnished by
the company at Baltimore. Books
will be carried free on the com.
pany's trains to the library anc
from the library to the members
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

The Republicans are still whack-
ing away at st. John and trying to
prove that he was bought by the
Democrats. There is not a scintil-
la of evidence to support the charge
but there is evidence tending to
prove that the Republicans did try
to buy him and didn't-only be-
cause they couldn't.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

Gov. Mcdaniel testi6es: II have
never examined an equal mum Der
of bills go free from errors and de-
fects," while experts declare the
work of the ladies to be SO per
cent. "cleaner and more correct
than any done by male clerks.
This is a happy New Year greet
ing to the struggling women of the
country. .
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
Women as Clerks.

The clerical work of the Georgia
Legislature was recently placed in
the hands of women. 1t is pleas
ant to record the complete success
Of the new scheme of industrial
reform in che interest of the sex.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

If you want Worm Medicine
that can be depended upon, buy a
bottle of Boreman' s Sweet Vermifuge ,
for it is certain to remove all worms.
Do not be coaxed into taking any
other. All country merchants sell
it. Price, Is cents.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04
What We License.

to his barn to awaken two men
,, whom h.. had placed there the
evening before, they having fallen
from wagon while going home.
One of the men, Frank Petersdorf,
was cod in death. H. ""mpan-
ion was too drunk TO knU~ what
was going on, and was snoring
away beside corpse.
HORRIBLE CASE OF SUICIDE, Co
LUMBUs, IND, January IA "A man
by the name of Valley, living near
Hope, this cou nty, committed sui
eide in this city this evening by
throwing himself under moviag
train on the j., M. & l. Railroad,
He attempted suicide by drowning
this morning, but was rescued.
He had been drinking heavily for
the last few days.
BRUTAL HUSBAND AND FATHER.
-BELLEvILLE, ONT, Jan. % "A
man named Bantin, who lives near
Lime Lake, township of Hunger
ford, two of whose daughters were
ill with scarlet fever, sold his last
cow few days ago, got drunk, and
quarreled with his wife. He :ais-
ed heavy chair against her, when
the eldest OF the sick girls sprang
out of bed, threw open the door,
and allowed her mother and sister
to escape. The man then struck
the girl with the chair, and she
died from the effects of the blow.
The mother, who fled in her night
clothes, also died from the eff -ct7 Of
the exposure, and both were buried
the same day.
GROUND To PIECEs.-Two broth
ers, Lewis and Harvey Priest, be-
came intoxicated at Delaware, on
Wednesday, and while returning
to their home they were struck by
the night express on the c. & 7.
railroad and literally ground to
pieces. - Wayne, o., Herald.
KILLED. "A Warren, O., special
says "Wm. Barclay, son of a well
known physician of Farmdale, was
killed by the cars last night. Bar
clay had been drinking at saloon
just opened and got on the track.
Public excitement ran so high the
saloon keeper took his departure.
rebellion, - Indiana polls sa-
loon keepers are rebelling at the
eff)rts OF the police to enforce the
Ii o'clock ordinance. They insist
on running their murder shops all
night.
BEER AND MELANCHoLY.-Scran-
ton, Pa, Jan % This morning
when the clerk in Coursenes Glenn
ons & Company opened the store
he was Mortified to see the body of
man dangling from the elevator
chain in the rear of the building.
1t vas the corpse of Louis Laden
berger, Bavarian officer in the
Franco-Prussian war, aged AZ. He
has been in the city several years
working in a brewery. He has
been out of a JOB for three months.
Beer and melancholy did it.-In-
telligencer.
DOUBLE MURDER. - Belleville,
Ont, January pa man named
Barton, living at the Lime
Lake, while drunk, struck a sick
daughter with chair, killing her.
The girls mother ran to the neigh
boris house. The night was bit
terly cold and the mother died
from exposure and excitement.
SHOT AND Standardization,
W. va, Jan. 21.-Last night two
cousins. Joe and Shep Paxton,
Dutch Mullen and Burt Boulder,
got into a drunken row, which
ended by Mullen shooting Boulder
through the shoulder aud Shep
Paxton stabbing Joe Paxton in
three places, lnficting several dan
gerous wounds from which he will
probably not recover Martsnsburg
Inde1
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

If IT PAss.-The Monongahela
will get $48,9O0 out of the next
appropriation for rivers and har-
bors, if the bill Dominion.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

For first class JOB PRINTING
at reasonable prices, call ON J. NJ
WALTERS, General Job Printer, IS
Market Street, Parkersburg, w. Va.
West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1885-02-04

Good House and two Lots valued
at $500, to trade for Farm,
by w. f. Atkinson.