The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-10-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

| in Boston than the Puritan-and he is
only whaling craft at that Fhliddei-
phia Press.
A poet sings: 81 see the flush upon
thy check" If this is the case. that
poet would do well to lay down his
hand unless he can beat it.-Pack.
Eyes, indeed she was, replied Bob
by when mother told her that Mr..
Featherly had called while she was out
she said, Thank Heavenw York
San
Neither bustles nor corsets are worn
in Japan, and when japanese maid
en- sits down in q skating rink she
gets her moneys worth every time
Burlington Free Press.
Explained. Ga young author)
There seems to be a conspiracy
against me among the publishers -
Gimlet-''How SOP" Auger-'.They
have all of them declined the same
thing. "-Puck
The brewer who maketh good beer
in the day and putteth Il good head on
it is better than he who drinketh the
beer at night and waketh up in the
morning with a good head on himself.
-Stockton NaUerick.
There are thirteen widows living on
one street about 800 yards long in
Americas, GA. The city authorities
propose to put up at each end of the
street sign: Dangerous passing"
-SonaerUiIte Journal.
Nautical husband Gokingly)-"O,
I'm the mainstay of the family" Wife
Yes, and the jibboom, and the
and the" Small boy Qrom exper-
ience)-''And the spanker, too,
mamma Troy Press.
Frank j. Black, the genial and bril-
liant young journalist who writes
about medieval theology and other lit
tie things, made us a very pleasant
call last evening. We were not in at
the time-PunISuta0ney Tribune.
The Rev. Phillips Brooks recently
spoke for half an hour at the rate of
213 words per minute, which proves
conclusively that there is nothing a
woman can do which q man cannot do
just as well or better. -LoUeU Citizen.
Ella Wheeler sings body and heart
seemed shaken, thrilled, and startled
by that greeting" An enthusiastic
admirer thinks that some big listed
| fellow must have slapped Ella on the
back and asked her how the weather
| suited her.-NeU YORK. Journal.
Il am just as much opposed to tip
ping as anybody" said Henderson;
but, nevertheless, liquor rightly used
is blessing to humanity, When l
was i'll last winter, actually believed
it saved my life" Fogg-..Very like
| ly; but how does that prove that liquor
| is a blessing to humanity? "-B0St0la
| transcript.
A well-educated young lady in Rich
mond wants position as teach er in
Danvllle. She has passed the giggling
| age, but is not too old to be very
agreeable companion, and the editor
| of this paper can heartily recommend
her to any family desiring an intelli-
gent teacher and companion. Dan
uitIe (Va.) Register.
A morning paper has this truly SEN
sational heading to one of its columns:
| Edward Graul shoots woman with
whom he was madly in love three
times" Nothing is more common
than mans being in love three times,
but it is not usually with the same wo-
| man.--jSan FRANCISCAN.
| There is growing fear among the
| sentimental ladies of St. Louis society
that Maxwell may prove to be a gen
tleman, a scholar, and an innocent
man after all. If such proves to / & the
case they should prosecute him for OBJ
| tanning alteration under false preten-
| ses.-LeaUenWorth (haS.) Times.
| Miss Clara Louise Kellogg has been
our West singing to enthusiastic au-
| dlenceS of boys and miners In re-
lating her experience at Butte City,
Miss Kellogg says: "One lady came
200 miles to hear me, and said she was
well paid for the trip" ANY one who
would travel so far to hear Clara
Louise would have to be well paid
| The Rambler.
| in the first place, BRETHREN" said
camp-meeting orator last night, 1--WE
must be careful of what we say, and in
the second place"-there was some
| noise In the congregation caused by
| people coming in and the speaker
paused-''in the second place." re-
peated the speaker, and again he
paused, and a small boy arose and
cried out: The Alleghenys are in the
second place; Cincinnati got licked"
-Pittsbarg Chronicle Telegraph
Late inventions-A thunder-rod for
| people who are liable to be thunder
struck" on receiving unexpected intel
ligcnce; grindstone for people who
are in the habit of grinding their
teeth when they are in anger; de-
vice for grubbing people who are
'rooted to the spot;" a patent air
ship for restoring people to their
homes who are carried away with
emotion, transported with delight,
ETC.; steam-roller for people ''petri-
| fled with establishment. "-B0st07a Cour-
| Ter.
An English visitor at one of the
smaller spas in Germany was COM
| planning the other day to garcon at
| his hotel that the water he took really
/ seemed not to have the slightest effect,
so far as he was concerned. But
you see, monsieur" replied the waiter,
who, it should be said, was under no.
tlce to quit his place, at is necessary
to be patient. Now, / well remember
a lady at this hotel last season who
took the waters, and she did not die
unit she had been here close upon six
months. "-LOndon Figaro.
"How's yer boy gettin' erlong, Jas
perP' asked a negro, meeting an ac-
quaintance. ken talk right smart,
now, KANT he?'' Talk right smartP
Wy, you oughter heah dat chile open
his mouf Talk? Wy, l tell yer wut
he ken do. He can talk through one
of desc heah tellyfones. go way,
now" ''Oh, it's er fack." Eyer doan
tell me sop ''Cose l does" Talk
through a tellyfone. eh?" ''Jes like |
tellsyer. Eff dat boy doan grow up to
be lawyer FL jes' AK somebody to
tell me der reason; dat's what I'll dc"
-.4rkdnsdW 1rdUeEer.
johannes Schooner, Jealous as
trologer of the sixteenth century, once
when on journey put up at friends
house, where he saw the youngest
child of the latter, at. 2, lying in the
cradle. He Immediately sat down at
L