The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-02-12
- 2
WIT AND HUMOR.

California.
Mr.. Moody's intention. as reported.
found Plumbers Christian Association
in Chicago. indicates that much success
has turned the evangelist's hesd.-
Bubato Express.
At a Suaday-school in Syracuse
teacher asked new scholar, little
girl, what her name was. She replied:
''Helen French" An urchin in an ad-
joining seat sang out: what is it in
English?''
Not long ago Western paper had
an account of wedding in one column
and of a divorce in the next column.
The heading of the first column was
"The lie That Binds" and of the
second. The Yoke That Calls"
..Say, Sam, did you see de man about
he glib ME de refusal OBJ de house."
hit?'' .Forcber. He refused to hab
ANYTHING to do wild me. .''-1eHds Sift-
fngs.
might I ask who lives heres" asked
polite gentleman of stranger he met
in front of handsome mansion. Ger
tainiy, sir" rs politely replied the
Otn6F. w NO II II. SiI. HdtACt IL
know" replied the stronger. Pits
burg Chronicle.
CLARA, that young man winked at
you." remarked young lady to a
friend in the ferry-house. Indeed!
didn't notice it. | got so nsed 10 it
when tended soda fountain that l
don't take any notice of winks now,
replied Clara Brooklyn Times.
Il don't understand how the rail-
roads can afford to reduce the fare to
cent mile s.Oh, it's very simple.
They have to make mp The loss in
some way They do" ''How?"
Make the sleeping-car porter divide
with the company. '-RCchester Post
Express.
You may talk as much as you
please remarked the irascible man,
.'but let me re YOU that | consider
your arguments as well as yourself,
beneath my notice 1 don't give you
so much as thought" 'Ihope not, :"
was the response: Il wouldn't have YOU
bankrupt yourself on my account.
There is charming absence OF cir
cumlocution about the following yer-
dict recently rendered by an Arkansas
coroner's jury over the remains of a
well-known drnnkard: The feller come
ter his death bv switchin oil from one
kind of whisky ter another. The moral
O this hear verdick is, don't switch.
Lieutenant There is nothing like
presence of mind. One day in battle 8
soldier near me had four of his teeth
Knocked in by rifle ball which would
have surely passed through his spinal
column and killed him had he not.
with rare presence OF mind quickly
swallowed the ball Riegende Biat.
ter.
Reciprocity. Landlord-"Havey you
any family?" Intending lodger-'.No." "
L.-'.That's right. for l don't let my
rooms to lodgers with families. y
]. L-''Have You family?" IL
Yes; four children" l. L.-s'Sorry
TO hear it. for never take apartments
with landlords who have families. -
st. Petersburg Zeitung.
Papa said little Ethel few dav.
ago, Il have seen picture that l want
to give mamma, and want you TO buy
it for me when you 60 down town.
..Rut how am to know it,? asked hel
father. 80. you'll know it, said Ethe
confidently Just ask Mr.. Kent te
SHOW NOu q fBlStuhO VI b"o IitltC CHlIu'
rem with dadoes round their heads"
s.Do YOU know, Fwed, what day o.
the month it is to-day" drawled ou
one dude to another in the New Yorl
Union Club. Il have no ideaw, Chaw
les.'' s.Well, perhaps you know wha
day of the month yethterday was?
81 cawnt remember. Fwed; but las
Chwistmas was on the 2Jth of Decem
ber ~ Texas Sifti'aGS.
My diagnosis of your case shows
me, sir, )" said a young physician. "tha
your constitution has become enfeeblel
through ovcrwork. You need rest
absolute rest,to bring back your wasted
energies to Il normal and healthy condi
ton. What business are you imp
'.My wife keeps millinery establish
ment," replied the patient feebly.-
Nc0 York San.
The gifted rabbit: A smart rabbit
who was greatly annoyed by Flea
sought to get rid of his tormentor b,
immersing his whole body in buckle
of tar. The Flea was effectually sup
pressed, but the rabbit looked so mucl
like a ward hummer for six month
afterward that no one would laugh a
his jokes. Moral-Don't try to stop
gimlet hole with a gate post.
Where did you get this Frencl
from Blacks table. Black-"FrencI
Bible! haven't got any French Bible
The only Bible have is the one rol
have in your hand. Had it ever sine,
was married. Smith (holding u,
the book We do YOU call that bII
French?" Rlack-..Bv gracious. So i
is. Funny never found that out be
forer'
A Concord school-of- philosophy sor
of fellow advises: When YOU rea,
book, crush the words as YOU wbul
grapes. and suck their meaning ont
The advice may be good, but when yo
tackle Walt Whitman's poems yoI
might crush and crush and suck an,
suck without getting enough meaEin!
TO construct tAolet, and besides ther
would be danger of getting an eight
cornered word stuck crossWise in YOU
throat. The Judge.
Rose Eytinge writes from Montan
to the Dramatic NeacS that the hand
soonest house. the only brick one, a
Deer Lodge. in fact, belongs to a Butt
City gambler Remarking upon it t,
her escort, who was local pioneer, sh
said: Industry and economy evident
ly lead to wealth here as well as any
where else" .Yes' mn was the reply
Especially if We deal a square gam
and~travel we'll heeled - The actres
did not waste any more proverbs il
that direction.
An avowed communist and a sun
porter of the rights of capital wer
each presenting their views to crow,
in the street the other day when tn
communist said: 'Yes, sir, what i
wanted to make the world better an,
mankind happier is an equal distribu
tion of wealth." mo. SIR" reptile,
the other, ''what is wanted is an equa
distribution of the qualities by whicl
wealth is obtained, if such thing wer
possible" 20, sir, that wouldn't do,
retorted the communists. I'VE don't al
want to be id rascals. You know.
--Nerchdnt- Trareier.
The head of large manufacturin:
Eel IL.