The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-01-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

4
| gap between u.s. said Susannah when
her parlor young man gave yawn at
1:30 a. N.
A noiseless violin has been invented.
Now when some one discovers a noise
less opera singer the weary soul of the
public will find rest
Did any one ever see a girl get let
ter at the Postoffice from her fellow and
not read it until she got home? No,
sir; and history has no record of any
such freak of girl.
George Eliot said that half of the wo-
men of England died prematurely old
''for the want of an aim in life" The
women of England should join rifle
teams and archery clubs. -NorristouUn
| Herald.
A Western paper, in describing an
accident recently, says. with consider
able candor: DIR. was called, and,
under his prompt and skillful treat
ment, the young man died on Wednes-
day night
The wag on Cincinnati paper says:
"a Walnut Hills girl is mad with
downtown drug clerk because, when
she asked him for something to bang
her hair with, he told her he didn'+
keep curry-combs.
| One day opposing pickets on the
Rappahannock agreed not to fire. A
| brisk conversation arose between a
Texan and an Irishman or the Federal
| side. What are you doing in the Yam
kee army?" said the Texan. What
are you tightin' for, anyhow" I'm a
I ha1o
titin' for Sl1.'
Texas Judge who is the perfection
of dignity on the Bench swore in as a
witness rather notwithstanding fe-
male. what is your name?" asked
the Judge. Dolly Dimple." ''Where
| do you reside?' The witness giggled
and replied: whats the use of me
! telling you where live? You wouldn't
call on me anyhow-would you,
Judge?'-Tc1as Sytings.
Miss Daisy Greene (to Jones, who
has just been introduced): what fun
| ny looking people one meets out, Mr..
| Jones; only look at that frightful girl
| in the doorway" Jones-''I can't
| help thinking she is not so bad looking
as the awkward stick who is talking to
her." Miss G.-'.Tle awkward stick
is my brother" Jones-"The fright
full girl is my sister" Tableau.
'Maria,' said Mr.. Jones to his wife
one evening last week, II suppose
you'll make a fuss about it, but there
is a rat" "Oh-h-h-h-h, mercy!
Goodness yelled Mrs Jones jumping
on a chair, '.where is it?" Down at
the City Hall, where ratification meet
! al,
you would wait till | get through speak
ing without interrupting me you'd
know more. "-Detrot Free Press
An honest farmer was invited to at
tend party at the village doctors one
| evening, where there was music, both
vocal and instrumental. On the fol-
lowing uorn1ug he met one or Unt
guests, who said: ''Well, farmer how
did you enjoy yourself last night?
Were not the quartcttes excellent?'
why really, sir, | can't say" said
he, for didn't taste 'em; but the pork
chops were the finest / ever ate. -
| Good Cheer.
A party of San Franciscans once
went to the Yosemite and took a Chi
nese servant along with him. The Chi
! namen liked it well enough till they
dragged him up some of the sleeps that
are so famous. When they got to the
| top he was perspiring like wet mop.
| He did not even look at the scenery.
One OF the party asked him how he
| felt. He! Me no Likely. Mclean man
fun allie same damphoolo. San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
A premium of $4,000 has been Of
fered by the Mexican Government tn
any one who will establish in that coun-
try paper mill at a cost of $50, ,0O0
As a bird in the palm is supposed to be
worth brace on a twig, we shall not
risk S15O,OOO for the sake of adding
$4,000 to it. If the Mexican Govern
ment will give premium of S150,000
to any one who will establish $50, 900
paper mill in that coUntry,-we-wel
we should endeavor to borrow the $780,
000.-NOrriStoWn Herald.
The plumber alighted from his car
riage and followed his card into the
| parlor. 'What's wrong?' he asked.
1.-The gas leaks" replied the master of
the house, humbly. The plumber turn
ed on his heel You'll have to send
to the gas company about that he
said: Il don't know anything about
gas. If the pipes should spring a leak
let me know" And he was gone be-
fore the master of the house noticed
his bill for S25 lying on the piano.
Young Winks (meaninglO-Do you
| think, Miss Minks, that two persons
might manage to get along very com
fortably nowadays on a small salary,
! considering how cheap the necessaries
of life have become? Miss Minks Gn-
nocently) y)-Why, yes, / should think
so. Let me see. A cook and chamber
| maid could be got for about 81 between
| them, and then, you know, rents are
not very high and provisions are quite
low now, and l never saw such bar
| gains in silks and velvets. He didn't
| propose.
An Englishman named G. E. Parker.
| Rhodes SAYS he has invented machine
| or apparatus whereby that seeming i'm
| ossibility-squaring the circle-can be
| accomplished. The problem has en-
| gagged the best mathematical minds for
| upward of 1000 years, and was the
| cause of much domestic infelicity in
| old Graco-Roman households. If the
Englishman with the hyphenated name
| has really and truly solved this thing
he must have great head, and ought
to come over here and help us square
| our election returns. Sun.
''What is protection?'' asked Miss
Bifkins of young Montmorency Wig
| glejaw, the other night. Protection"
he said, slowly, sis putting my arm
around you SO, and laying your head
on my shoulder So" That's nice"
| she remarked, ''but what is free trade,
| that all the Democrats are talking
| about?" Free trade" said the young
Romeo, kissing her until he loosened
all her back teeth, sis taking the duty
off gums well, they're both nice, "
| she said, 'sbut l think like free trade
a trifie the best. San Francisco Neaos-
| Letter.
The presence of an unusual number
| pf hanrarc apI the large cit