The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-09-24
Something Will Break.


He wore paper collar which had
been in constant use for a week, and
this was attached to wooden shirt
which had faded from light blue to-
what might be classed as a crushed
huckleberry color. His pantaloons
were of coarse linen, bearing straw
berry stains here and there, and his
straw hat had led the procession on
more than one Fourth of July. 1t was
evident half a mile away that he was
from back county. He must have
felt his isolation, but he marched up
Grand River avenue as stiff as a poker,
carrying his extras in a carpet-sack,
and turned in at a hotel and asked il
he could be accommodated for a few
days while he looked around. When
answered in the affirmative he grew
confidential and remarked:
Il may have to go to Washington be-
fore | go back home.
Got business with the govern
ment?" queried the clerk.
''Y-e-s sorter, bizness. I'm after an
Office of some sort"
"Ah! Any particular claim?'' !
81 should remark! I've paid taxes
for seventeen straight years, been boss
at every Fourth of July, and had more
fights with the intidels in my neigh-
borhood than you can shake a stick at
Pm going to climb an Office or break
both legs" j
That was a week ago. Yesterday hs
departed for home, broken down and
dispirited. When he settled his hotel
bill he had twenty-seven cents left, and
when one of the guests who knew OF
his plans asked him how he succeeded.
he explained: !;
Say, I'm not the camel thought I
was. l thought could climb an Office
like cow shining up hickory, but
I'm left" {.
"What were you afterp"
Anything. l kinder thought I'd
like to go as minister somewhere or
other, but a feller in q saloon down
here wanted to know how / could go
as minister when 1 couldn't preach.
Another said l might get into the cus-
tom house, but when | went in there's
and asked man if he wanted an Office
seeker he said he'd give me two minits
to skip"
Ibid you go to the pension Officer"
"Yes. Went in there and saw th8
boss. and he wouldn't take me because
l couldn't cipher in cube root. T
thought knew all roots in the State,
but he got me on cube"
"How about the postofficep"
''Well, hung around there waiting
to see the foreman, until a policeman
comes up and says he'd have a letter
for me if 1 didn't move on"
Didn't you try for an office under
the local government"
"Yes-for q dozen. / was intro
duced to seven different aldermen. and
it cost me So. 80 for beer, but that's all
it amounted to: 1 was just half an
hour too late with each one of 'em to
get an office. i was advised to see the
mayor and speak right up to him. He
wasn't in, but his clerk peeled off his
coat and told me to take my choice be-
tween going out of the door or win
dow"
'And you are going homer"
''Going right back home. My boys
allus said L was the sharpest man in
the county. Pm goin' to lick 'em in
rotashun for bein' fools My wife calls
me Judge and is allus tellin' every
body that | was born to be great I
shall begin to call her an idiot before 7
git within half a mile of the farm"
''You seem broke up"
''Tm clean gone, stranger. / came
here to shear, and Eve been shorn. I
was goin' to git offs fur myself, and
then pick up half a dozen fur the nay
| burs, and it will be a sick crowd when
we git together in my barn and / tell
'em that we are all left I'm afraid
| I'm really afraid, stranger, that some-
body will offer resolution that the
bulwarks of Liberty are busted and
this country gone to Halifax, and that
it will be adopted by risin' vote."-
| Detroit Free Press.