The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-07-17

You must 90 to the humble ylne-clad
cottage to beard the genuine humorist
in his den, as it were. There YOU will
find him with thoughtful face and fai1
bald hair cutting off some tirewood, OF
carrying the baby. or putting half-ton
of coal in his cellar, and at the same
time Matching thoughts to convulse a
universe, at five or six dollars con-
vulse. There you will see the true
humorist clothed in all his glory and
pair of half-soled "pants."
List 10 me moment longer, fond
mother of dear sweet boy. [ have
friend who is accused of being
humoriSt, and he has been in trouble
ever since the charge was made against
him. Once he came to me with counte-
nance more than usually sad, and said:
You do not know what a man who
is charged with being lMmorist has to
endure. Everybody he meets expects
him TO have fresh-laid Jokes constantly
on hand, and they are disappointed
and 90 behind his back and abuse him
if a stream of humor isn't constantly
ooZing out of his mouth. If he has the
jumping toothache, they will take no
excuse, but stand around waiting for
him to turn on flow of humor that
burst their buttons Off Why, the
other day l put my note before the di-
rectors of bank, and they told me I'd
have to work in joke on the face of it
and get prominent citizen to write his
name across the back, as an evidence
of good faith, before they'd discount it.
And last week a total stranger, who
had heard that l was humorist and
wanted TO hear humorist talk. sought
an introduction to me. After he got it,
he seemed TO be greatly disappointed
at my flow of soul, and when / asked
him TO lend nae ten dollars till after the
next Presidential election he excused
himself, and went away with impet-
uosity. / heard afterwards that he
said he was greatly surprised at my APP
pearance, and that my conversation fell
far below his eypectat ons in huency
and originality; that l looked like
dealer in misfit collins, and my efforts
to be facetious were decidedly fiat and
heavy. None but those who have passed
through it know anything of what a
person has to endure when it becomes
whispered around that he is humorist.
If l could, I'd reform right now and
lead different life.h
You VII observe that the bark of the
humorist does not ride always upon I'M
troubled seas. He has his trials, troubles,
veXations and disappointments the
same as other folks. he falls down the
cellar-stairs with an oleander, shuts the
heavy front door upon his thumb, bets
his money on the candidate that gets
left. comes home to the bosom of his
light haired family with long dark
hair hanging to his coat-button, and in
moments of abstraction sits down upon
coil of barbed wire fencing; and
through it all he is expected to wear a
smile and throw off scintillating jokes.
Think you, foni mother of dear, sweet
boy, that this be easy? Alas. the official
count, which is now completed, shows
beyond question that it is not.
This testimony is important, coming
as it does from one who has achieved
wide reputation as a humorist, and it
were well that you ponder it, mother of
dear, sweet boy.
You ask: us the humorist profession
overcrowded?"
No, fond mother of dear, sweet
boy, the humorist profession is not over
crowded. There are rows and rows of
empty benches up in front there. as you
will notice if you let your eye meander
around the synagogue. But do you OBJ.
serve at the door that man of lofty
brow and eagle eye, armed with a stuffed
club. attended by large, healthy
pup with an open countenance and
wicked eye? Well. that is the editor on
guard, and woe unto him that saun-
tereth up there with joyous smile and
bon-rirant air, and gaily asketh: "Have
you ever heard the bed-tick?"--Sc0tt
Way, in Puck.