davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
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VARIETIES.

When the flower OF the family gets dis
| appointed in love she finds out that her cake
is all dough.
-Railroad man to disappointed office-hol-
| der Don't fret about that office and I'll try
and get horse-car named after you"
II thought you told me you didn't use
lobacco?" II don't" But you are putting
| u cigar now" Yes, Lut that's only three
center. No tobacco in it,"
South Carolina now has stock law
which does away with the necessity offences
around farms. It's said to be working an in
calculable saving in timber and trouble.
"A certain poetess is said to make good
jellies rs well as good poetry. 1t is suggest
ed that she make new departure-send her
jellies to newspaper offices and can her
poems.
-AWestern man recently died while play
ing the fife. AS no bullet hole was found in
| the window, it is supposed that the assassin
| cTawled up the furnace tlue and hit him with
a club.
-"You're my idle!" exclaimed the husband,
| MS he came home and found his wife lounging
| around with the last novel and his dinner
| burning on the stove. Yes, l know it," was
the response, but you don't worship me as
before marriage"
pat, you shot both barrels into a regu-
lar jun of ducks, but ! don't believe you
killed many" said the hunters companion.
"Oi didn't, didn't OH" exclaimed Pat. Jus
look in the wather there, will yez? It's fairly
| alive wild dead vans"
"A teacher in one of the Sunday schools was
lecturing on pious instructions in the forma.
ton of youthful character. "Ah, Miss Caro-
line" said he to one of the class, what do
you think you would have been without
your good father and pious motherg" II
suppose, sir" answered Miss Caroline, 81
should have been al orphan"
"A gentleman whom it would be gross
flattery to call homely, remarks to a child at
II house where he is wishing: "Well, my
fine boy, what do you think about me, ell ?''
The lid gags himself with his fingers and
remains silent. Come, now" says the visi-
tor, kindly, why won't you tell me what you
| think about me?" "'Cause | don't want to
be whipped"
Nov, my son." said cabinet maker to
his little b y, you must remember that sins
are like nails driven into post Repentance
is merely pulling the nails out, but the scars
the holes-remain" but, say" inter-
rupted the youth. cant we kinder putty
them, as you do the worm holes in the rotten
bass wood that you use to make real English
oak bedroom sets?'
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
2oetical.
TIRED MOTHERS.

A little elbow leans upon your knee,
Your tired knee, that has so much to bear,
child's dear eyes are look ing lovingly
From underneath a thatch of tangled hair;
Perhaps you do not heed the velvet touch
OF warm, IN list fingers, folding yours so tight
You do not prize this blessing over-much,
You almost are too tired to pray tonight.
But it is blessedness A year ago .lE
did not see 1t as do to- day,
We are so duh and thanklAss and too slow
To catch the sunbeam till IL slips away.
Ana now IL seems surprising range to me
That, while wore the badge of motherhood,
/ did not kiss more oft and tenderly
The little child that brought me only good
And If, some night when you sit down to rest,
You miss that elbow from your tired knee
That restless curling head from Off your breast,
The lisping tongue that chatters constantly;
If from your own the dimpled hands had slipped
And ne'or would nestle in your palm again;
If the white feet into their grave had tripped,
could not blame you for your heartache then
| wonder so that mothers eyer fret
AT little children cliDging TO their gown;
UT that the footprints when the days are wet,
Are ever black enough to make them frown.
If could find little muddy boot
Or cap or jacket on my chamber floor,
If could kiss rosy. restless foot,
And hear Its pattering In my home once more
If could mend broken cart to-day,
To morrow make kite to reach the sky,
There is no woman in Gods world could say
She is more bIissfully content than L.
But an i! IN" dainty pillow next my own
Is never rumpled by shining head
My shining birding from its nest has flown:
The little boy used 10 kiss is dead
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
VOL. XXX----NO. 4.
Diet for La an People Who Want to Get
Eaf

Any person who has good digestion may
be fattened, says writer in Ha1perS Weekly.
But before examining the dietary regimen
for fattening, let our candidate for pumpness
ask about some other condition of physical
well-being. Is she given TO worrying Does
she sleep well and sufficiently? Has she a
good temper? Does she worry2 If any
dietary system is to help her, she must bring
hygiene and morals to aid it, / well know
that peace of mind is not to. be prescribed
like liniment. But we can all make the eff
fort toward peace of mind, and the effort it.
self is tonic. Our thin lady, then, must give
up the habit of worrying, from which she
often suffers it is a habit which makes more
women thin, pale and nervous, distress to
themselves and to their families, than any
other ailment. Let our sufferer bring all her
philosophy to bear upon this destructive
mental state. This is often the hardest part
OF the prescription, for melancholy and repin-
ing are often dear to the sufferer from lean
ness. 80 .'.
But when good resolve has been taken in
this respect, then our lean person may put
faith in regimen like The following:
l. Most articles of food that are easily d.
gestible, excepting lean meat and salads, are
fattening, and one will hardly go wrong in
choosing a fattening diet from the wide range
OF excellent materials
2. There is, however, some choice. Vege-
tables as class are more fattening than
meats, because they contain more starch and
sugar.
3. In detail, white bread and potatoes
should form part of every meal; soups and
broths are also important. For breakfast eat
eggs, either boiled, poached, or in omelet;
outlets or petiis pates are almost as fattening.
The coffee or chocolate should be well Tex
tended" with milk and sugar. People with
a sweet tooth" are rarely too thin.
AT dinner eat fish, meat and vegetables,
but more abundantly, if the digestion permits
it, OF the latter Macaroni and rice are valu-
able adjuncts toward the end in view Make
much of the dessert creams, pastry, pies and
buildings, and other preparations which con-
tain much sugar, are to be chosen. Drink
good milk nothing is healthier or more fat
tening. Tea and coffee have too much of the
stimulant quality for thin and nervous per-
sons to use them abundantly. Milk is not
always tolerated by the adult stomach, nor
can it always be obtained Of good quality.
Syrups and etfervescing drinks can seldom
he used habiAlally without deranging the d.
geslion. Even water is not always safe;
wafer is often the vehicle of diseased germs,
though have not q word to say against pure
water for the healthy but it is not proved to
be fattening.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
A Good Thing.

On one occasion Mr.. Charles Dickens was
unfolding the theory that whatever trials and
difficulties might stand in mans path there
is always something to be thankful for LET
me, in proof thereof" said Dickens, "relate
story Two men were to be hung at New
gate for murder. The morning arrived; the
hour approached; the bell of 81 Sepulchres
began to toll the convicts were placed the
procession was formed; it advanced to the
fatal beam; the ropes were adjustedaround
the poor mems necks; there were thousands
| of motley sightseers of both sexes, of all ages,
men, women and children, in front of the
scatfold when, just al that second of time,
bull which was being driven to Smithfield
broke his rope, and charged the mob right
and left. scattering the people everywhere
with his horns Whereupon one of the con-
demned men turned TO his equally unfortu-
nate companion, and quietly Observed L
say, Jack, it's good Thing we amt in that
crowd"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
Trying to Please.
Sidney Smith.

Sidney Smith.
Nothing contribute more certainly to the
animal spirits than benevolence. Servants
and common people are always about you
make moderate attempts to please every body,
and the effort will insensibly lead you to u
more happy state of mind Pleasure is very
reflective, and If you give it you will feel it,.
The pleasure you give by kindness of man
ner re urns to you, and often with compound
interest The receipt for cheerfulness is not
IT, have one motive only IN the day for living,
but number of little motives; :. man who
from the time he rises till bedtime conducts
himself like Il gentleman, who throws some
little condescension into his manner to inferi
ors, and who is always contriving to soften
the distance between himself and the poor
and ignorant, is always improving his animal
spirits and adding to his happiness Irecom-
mend lights agreat improver ofanimal spirits.
How is il possible to be happy with two tai
low candles i'll snutfed You may be vir-
tuous and wise and good, but two candles
will not do for animal spirits. Every night
the room in which sit is lighted up like a
town after great naval victory, and in this
cereous G ,laxy, and with blazing fire, it is
scarcely possible to be low spirited, thous-
and pleasing images spring up in the mind,
and can see the little blue demons scamper.
ing off like parish boys pursued by the beadle.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23

Once the late Judge Alack, in examining q
witness who had been in the army, said
"Come, soldier, tell us what you know OF
this natter"
81 am no soldier; am an officer" haughti
ly responded the witness.
Whereupon the old lawyer calmly said
"Well, then, officer who is no soldier, tell
US what you know" The vain fellow was
crushed.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
"PcrY,,a,,eut.-

There are medicines which give only tenn
porary relief and theu leave the sufferer
worse off than before, especially in cases of
dyspepsia. Remember that this is not the
way with Browns Iron Bitters. See what
Mr.. j. M Gaines, of Gaines, s. c. says about
this prince of tonics My wife has been
greatly benefited by it; she had been troubled
with dyspepsia for years, and now believe
she is permanently cured" II also cures
liver and kidney complaints.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23
The Egis & Intelligencer
Is PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY BY
f. w B "A x Fl r..

Terms-si.5o a Year. in Advance.
TRANSIENT ADvERTIsEMENTs.--On Square, Q
Insertions or less so. Each
20 cents Longer advertisements in the same pro-
portion. Aspace equal to six lines makesasqua ..
Figure-work double price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications will
be inserted at ten cents per line
az YEARLY advertisements at special rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23

SHE COULDN'T SPELL.-"There's some
thing want you to read" said Fogg, laying
down II letter. "lt's from my wife. But don't
criticise the photography, please. Fact is,
Mrs. F. was school teacher for great many
years. and therefore she never learned to spell.
II wasn't necessary you know. She always
had the spelling-book when she was hearing
her class. But it comes rather awkward now
for her when she comes to write letter."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-01-23

GETTING THE BEST OF HIS FATHER
"That old man, walking along there, lives
over the river" said boy who had taken q
prize for proficiency in grammar.
"WhatH exclaimed his father, shave you
forgotten your grammar SO soonp You can
say that he lives ON the other side of the river,
but not over the river, for.that is not cor.
rect"
Eyes, it is, for"
81 say it is not"
"Yes, it is. The man lives on the bridge
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20
COURT RECORD.

EoUiTY CouRT--justicc Ilagncr.-King
vs. Watson; hearing on auditors report
fixed for November %. Home Insurance
Company VS.. Evening Critic Publishing
Company, bill Of intcrplcader; fund al
lowed TO be paid into court, &c. North
western National Insurance Company VS.
Evening Critic Publishing Company bill
Of interpleader; fund allowed to be paid
into court,
CRrMiSAL CouRT-Justicc MacArthur.--
Anderson Sommers, larceny; committed to
jail in default of $500. Patrick Naughton,
murder; on trial.
CRcuiT CouRT No l-Justicc Cox
Creecy VS. Kimmcll administrator; verdict
for plaintiff for amount claimed.
CmCUIT CoURT, No. 2-Justicc Mcrrck.-
Driscoll VS.. llcibcrgcr; on trial
PROBATE CouRT-Justicc lIagner. -Es-
tate of Elizabeth Jones; will admitted to
probate ard record. Estate of VIM. Pink
ney Brooke; letters of administration is
sued TO VIM. T.. Clarke, bond Si0O. Es-
tate OF VIM. Il. Schrenborn; citation issued
against administrative. Estate Of David
Mclntire amended petition of Charles Nc
Inthe for issues to contest will. In re or
phans Of General II. Miller; rule on Eliza
beth McEvoy, guardian, to show cause. Es-
tate Of Margaret Corbott; GXccutriN ordered
return an inventory of the estate within ten
days; also settle her accounts.
POLICE CotRT-Judge Smell. -- Robert
Farlin, vagrancy; 80 days. John Foolcy,
do. so days. Nancy Brown, profanity; So
or days James Hart colored, do; do
Charles Vessels, colorcd, loud and bolster
Gus; So or 10 days Eli Brown, colored,
larceny two cases., Reform School during
minority. Robert Dent, colored, larceny; 4
months In jail Gustavo Shilling and
Charles Bcllcw, suspicious persons; per-
sonal bonds. Allen Wilford, do; 80 days.
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20
rntcrtainment AT aaIcndalc.

The promised entertainment at Glendale,
for the benefit Of st. Georges Chapel, came
of last evening and was in every way
satisfactory. The large audience showed
its appreciation by frequent bursts of ap-
plauSc. The entertainment consisted of
tableauX, dialogues, singing and instru-
mental music. The former was participated
in by the members of the church and sun
day-school, who did very we'll. The sing
ing was, for the most part, by Miss Carrie
Stevens, formerly of the Ascension
Church Choir in this city. This lady has a
remarkably sweet and musical voice, al
though it is not OF great compass. The en-
tertainment was financially n success, which
was due, IN a great measure, to the untlring
efforts Of Miss Augusta Du Val. This lady
deserved much praise for her efforts to cX-
tend the usefulness of the Sunday-school.
After the entertainment was over THE
CRITIC man called on his old friend, Colo
mel A. Jones, who is the ever popular post
master of classic Glendale Colonel Jones
is II Republican, and it will be remembered
that It was owing principally to the n0u-
: eEce Of THE CRITIC that his head did not
early in the fray make one of the assorted
contents Of the Democratic basket. Colo
mel Jones was very glad to see THE CRITIC
and expressed his sincere thanks for the
valuable services which this strictly family
Journal has rendered him. Colonel Jones
has started a new movement. IL Is TO have
his salary raised from $50 to IS per an
nun and wants THE CRITIC to help him
out. lie shall certainly be helped. 1'HE
CRITIC will do all it can for him. And in
this worthy cause it will vote early and
often.
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20
.LOCAL BRIEFS.

ST. PETERS BRANCH No. 40, Catholic
knights Of America, have adopted appropri-
ate resolutions in memory of the late
Thomas II. Harbn.
Pants to order, So and up. Eiscman Bros
The NEW schedule Of rates adopted by the
Musicians Assembly, Knights Of Labor of
this city, went into effect on the lst instant.
The theatres readily yielded to the rates, us
also other places of amusements.
THE lightweight glove contest between
John McAulifTe of New York and Billy
Young Of Maryland at the Comiquo last
night was decided in favor of the former,
who claimed a foul in the fourth round.
In the record office yesterday there was
placed on the books an assignment by w.
II. Vanderbilt Of New York to Il. V. w.
Rossiter of Flushing, n. Y, of the two
mortgages made by General Grant on his
Washington property. There was also u
further assignment to w. j. Van Arsdale of
New York. the record being made as part of
the proper title he made to certain lots in
square 27s, sold by Van Arsdale.
DIR. Bulls CoUGu SYRUP cures croupy
cough that sounds so like nails driven into
the child's coffin
Mr.. j. A. WuTCoMB, n member OF the
board of pension appeals, was assaulted
yesterday on the steps of the Interior De-
" " - Ni'oNhs a. NiNih III thO
Surgeon-G Generals office. A warrant has
been sworn out for the assault.
Mems 4-button cutaway suit. Eiseman, 7S Z
A LARGE delegation from Golden Rule
Lodge No. 45, Independent Order of Me-
chanics, of Hyattsville, Md, paid u frater-
nal visit to Friendship Lodge, No. Z, of this
city, last evening. An oyster supper was
served at Wonn's, on Sixth street, after
which toasts and speeches were made.
THE Art Students Sketch Club at their
meeting in Vernon Row last night increased
their membership to thirty-fve An essay
on "Country Home" was delivered by Miss
Perry. "Restn is to be the subject of the
sketch and essay for next week, and the
cssayist will he Miss Chase. There were
twenty-four sketches presented on the sub
ject Of the essay.
Mons Prince Albert suits. Eiseman 9TH & Z.
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20

There will be matinee performances at all
the theatres tomorrow. At Albaugh's Grand
Opera House, the beautiful spectacular
drama, "Fantasma.n with Its wonderful
trick scenery and gorgeous settings, will be
given in the afternoon and night. The
spectacle is so unique that all should see it.
At the National the pathetic and realistic
mclodrama, "Shadows of Great City,
will he given in the afternoon and evening,
and will afford rare treat for those who
enjoy pathetic story well told and hand
somoly illustrated.
The "Stranglers of Parisn will be given
at both performances to day at IIerzogs
Opera House.
At the Dime Museum "Jesse james "
Combination with its trained horse Charger
will delight large audiences both In the
afternoon and evening.
At the Theatre Comique there will be
the usual matinee with the same perform
anCe as that given in the evening.
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20
APIFaIl.


TIIORNLEY, Died suddenly, November 10,
1870, nj $3.50 O'Clock "A. M, Thomas Thornley,,
In the Slst year of his age.
Friends and gCQuUntauces are respectfully
invited to attend his funeral from his late
residence, 2l5 New Jersey avenue northwest,
on Saturday, the 2lst instant, at o'clock p, IN.
RIDER.-On Thursday evening, at 9:45
O'Clock, Of diphthorla, Blanche Virginia, old
est daughter of Joseph $, and Emma S, Rider
HARRIs-On Wednesday, November 1s,
at ago a, M, Robert Harris, First Sergeant
Company u, Washington Cadet Corps, of con
gestlon Of the lungs,
Funeral services at Asbury Church, Sunday,
November ~ at 2 o'clock p. IN. Friends de-
string to view the remains will please call at
his late residence, No. 10il Eleventh street
northwest, before o'clock, az the casket will
not be opened at the church,
PICKETT.-At Fort klamath, Ore, October
81, 1888, while attached 10 the United states
Geological Survey George Randolph Pickett,
son Of Harriet Randolph and the late John A.
Pickett of GOOchland County, Va
Funeral services at oak Hill Chapel on
Saturday 2lst instant, at p. IN.
Richmond papers please copyl
BANKARD.-On Thursday morning, No
vember 10, 1885, Jacob j. Bankard, aged SO
years,
Intermcnt in Baltimore, from No. 1903 Lin
den avenue, on Sunday, November ~, at 2
n
The Washington critic., 1885-11-20
mn nrnrElr nv Egypt.


An American Consul General Who Did
Much 10 Eradicate Race prcj cjudicc1.
says Dr. Edward Warren Bcy, formerly
surpcou-in chief Of the Egyptian Army, in
his book entitled "a Doctors Experiences
In Three Contlncuts."
"Thc Moslcms' hatred Of jews is some.
thing phenomenal Had they slain Mo-
btmmod instead Of Jesus Christ, they could
not Ic regarded with more rancor and
aversion. They arc classcd with dogs, and
placed at the bottom OF the lst-estoemed
more unclcan and less deserving of CON
sidCration. Where this extremity of pre-.
pdicc and hatrcd-this feeling OF personal
injury and yindictlyeness- originated, It IS
impossible TO determine, ana vet the heart
Of the average Mussulman Is rs full Of 1t rs
of love nud respect for his own religion.
Scmc few years since, the United states
Government tried the seemingly doubtful
experiment OF sending a Hebrew 10 Egypt
rs its official representative. Those VINO
were best acquainted with the country-Or
who thought they wcre-held up their
hands in horror, and declared that the most
fatal Of errors bad been committed; that The
authorities at Washington had made radi-
cal mistake. The sequel proved IL to be
measure Of supreme wisdom, The Consul
General, the Hon. y Wolf, by his high per
kOllul tllNINtltIs Ilo lutlllN VI NuulllHE
himself to men, and circumstances, his
extreme urbanity, and his superlatiye
tact, not only won the respect and
affection Of the Khedivo and his ministers,
but produced an impression upon the minds
Of the Egyptians which did more to elevate
the standing of his country, and to cradi-
cate the insane prejudice against his race,
than could have been accomplished by
hundred years Of ordinary diplomacy, and
the efforts Of a thousand moral teachers. II
placed the seal Of great nations indorsc-
inent upon dcspiscd race; 1t swept away,
to a great extent, the prciudices which had
so long been the curse aud the outrage Of
Israel; IL furnished an occasion for the de.
moustration Of the fact that jew could be
a thorough gentleman, and accomplished
diplomat, and an enlightened humanitarian,
and It struck blow at religious fanaticism
and social ostracism, which carried with II
a lesson of such practical wisdom as at
once astonished Egypt and delighted the
champions of human progress everywhere.
While adhcring tenaciously to the Christian
faith, ] am not the less a champion of per-
feet intellectual and moral enfranchisement,
and hope to see the day when every man
shall think and shall worship according to
| his untrammelcd by prejudice,
unawed by prerogativc, and uninnuenccd
| by auglt save the suggestions of his own
conscience