The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-04-01
VARIETIES.


Now your talk has the true ring
said the girl to her lover when he began
to speak of diamond circlet."
eyes, Augustus, Hove you. Now you
must go and see father" "No, dovie,
not yet; that is father than want to go
just at present.
'Im not free trader said Pitts
burg father, as he lead his son out of the
pantry by the ear, 'but l am opposed to
such attacks on sugar."
''There are good points and bad points
about this Coffee said the boarder in
judicial tone. 'The good point is that
there is no chickery in it; the bad, that
there is no coffee in it."
A minister having preached a very
long sermon, as his custom was, some
hours after asked gentlemen his opin-
ion of it. He replied that ''it was very
good, but it spoilt a dinner worth two of
it."
''Well, always make it rule to tell
my wife everything that happens" said
Browning. ooh, my dear fellow, that's
nothing!" said Smithwig, 81 always tell
my wife lots of things that never happen
at all"
Poverty has it's cares, my son but,
then wealth has its cares too-more than
poverty ten to one. Look at the panics
in the money market every week. Did
you ever hear of financial panic in an
almshouse?"
Little Joe-Mamma, can we take
Dickie with us out walking? Fashion
able Mamma-Certainly; tell the nurse
to dress him. Little Joe-Oh, don't
mean the baby. Imean Dickie, the dog.
Fashionable Mamma-What! take my
dog out such unhealthy weather as this
Of course not.
Here is an advertisement that interests
me a good deal,' said Mrs. Bascom
thoughtfully. What is it?" asked her
husband. ''Why it's the advertisement
of a seven net, security guaranteed. Pm
awfully bothered lately about keeping
my back hair up, and I'll call in and
look at it. Detroit Free Press
elbow much for candy ?" asked little
boy. "SiX sticks for cents, eh !" "Now,
lem'me see, six sticks for cents, five
for cents, four for 8 cents, three for 2
cents, two for cent, and one for nothing
I'll take one stick, mister" He got
it, but the dealer is still in a state of be-
wilderment, and can't see how that can
be.
Little Ned-What did pa mean when
he said sister Edith must stop getting
surreptitious letters? What kind of let
tiers is them? Little Nell-Why, don't
you know? Her beau leaves them in a
little box under the shrubbery and Edith
gets them. Little Ned-But why is they
called that? Little Nell-Why, they is
called surrep'tious cause they're so
sweet, you know-7iust like molasses.
Just as lover had dropped on his
knees and began popping the question a
pet poodle, who thought the proceedings
rather strange, made dash for him.
With remarkable nerve for woman,
the girl reached over, grabbed the dog
bv the back of the neck, at the same
time calmly uttering, eco on, George,
dear, IN listening to what you are say
ing.
@'Say, Mike, thought you told me the
watch you traded me for that pig would
keep good time?' $50 l did, sor"
'3Well, it doesn't though. 1t runs too
slow, and can't make it run any faster"
''Sure, and that's all right, sor. Ye must
reminder that these are slow tonnes;
an I'll guarantee we that whin the tonnes
were good the last tonne there wasn't a
watch in the city that could kape up
wild it."
While crossing the Tyronza River, Ar
kansas, on mule, the rider, a negro,
fell off and was drowned. The mule
came safely to the shore and was taken
possession of by the local Justice. The
river was dragged, the negro's body
found, and on it pistol. He had been
dead three days, but the Squire fined
him $50 and costs for carrying concealed
weapons, and confscated mule and pis-
toll to pay the same.
''Who is the wisest man mentioned in
the Scriptures ?'' asked young lady of
one of her Sunday-school scholars.
ssPaul!" exclaimed the little fellow, con-
fidently. "Oh, no, Johnnie. Paul was
very good man, but Solomon is mem
mentioned as the wisest man." "Well,
my father says Paul was the wiset man,
because he never married, and | fancy
father ought to knowv' replied the boy
rather emphatically.
Wants the Facts Known.