The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1885-02-13
WIT AND HUMoR.

in-law shall never meet. The Apache
must have been reading some Of th,
old almanac jokes about mothers-in
law.
They have recently been and 70
married, and have iust returned from
their honeymoon: He: 81 wonder VIII,
20 many people stare at Us, my dear p
She: mo doubt they are wondering
what ! could have seen in YOU
Judy.
One Of the good stories about Gran
is that Marshall Jewell once told the
General that Charles Sumner did no.
believe In the Bible. Don't wonder, y
quickly replied the iinpsrturbable Ulys
SEES; sumner did not write the Bible. v
-Paterson Press
A msndicsnt approached . West
Chester man on the cars the other day
and said: Dear cir, have lost my
leg.' to which the West Chester man
replied. - he hurried away: "My dsa,
friend, ! have NOT seen anything Of II. ="
Wet Chester Local Nsscs.
MY wife hes gained swespins
victoryp" exclaimed brsathlsss bare.
headed citizen ss be emerged upon the
sidewalk. How sos" INQUIRED q
passer-by. Why" explained the hat
less individual. 'shs 6ss iust driven
me out Of the house with q broonr'--
Burlington Free Press.
He never possessed the business
ability Of his brother" remarked old
Shortmargins why. james defaulted
for half million before he had been In
business five years. and I very much
doubt II Louis Il In q position to de.
fault for third OF that amount to thi.
day. "-Rtts6Rry Telegraph.
Minister( after church, You seemed
very much impressed by my sermon
this morning, Deacon" Descon (who
had dozed through II sll-"Y.yes, ]
was-er--vsry much interested indeed;
but would you mind repeating the text
The exact words have escaped me. !"
Minister He giveth His beloved
sleep. "-NsU York SaH.
Proud mother do You know, dear,
believe our baby VIII be singer
perhaps great tenor like Brignoh or
Campaninis" Tired fa.her-"He strikes
mean" p Ne |. the the tones mss arg so 90
sweet and shrill. I hope We win be
able to have HE voice cultivated In
Europe" Fly Jovei good idea.
Send him now"
Visitor lat Indian SCHOOL, all
these children are Indisnsp" Teacher
Yes. Many Of them are sons and
daughters Of great chiefs" Visitor
What are they doing nows" Teacher
This 10 arithmetic hour. and they
are doing sums." visiSor--"Ah! Yes,
lhave often heard Of Indian Summers.
The silence which followed was only
broken by the whiz OF tomahAwks.
Philadelphia Cali.
How il your mother coming on ?"
asked Mrs. Howard of little Johnny
Hunt, who was playing In 'front.' of his
fathers house In Corsicana. "She IL
feeling mighty blue" replied Johnny.
"Why, what l. the matter with hers
''She invited more than o hundred
people to her ball, and every one Of 'em
has accepted. No wonder she feels
blue. She allowed half Of 'em would
stay away."-7szas Sittin9s
Husband Cat the dinner table)-It
strikes me, my dear. that the new cook
Ia not as good as the old one. Fashion
able Wifs--No, her cooking is very bad.
For the past day or two poor little Ndo
has displayed signs Of distress and ]
attribute it all 10 her having eaten i'm
properly cooked food. Unless the dear
little thing improves very much within
O very short time. shall cert ainly make
q change. - Detroit Post.
Tennyson's song, Come Into the
Garden, Maud" ives rewritten some
City times before Il was finished.
Louisville 7S,nes. Well. the rssson
was that Maud wouldn't 60 into the
garden whore he was for a long while.
and he kept on ok~~ei.ss iIs.-.arsa.
until the grapes got ripe. Then Maud
thought It wouldn't be wrong to go in.
She could tell her mother she went in
for some grapes. Kentucky State Jour
nal.
A venturesome 6-year-old boy ran
into the forest after the team. and rode
home In triumph on the load. When
his exploit was related. bis mother asked
him II he was not afraid when the team
"Yes. u little" said he. ''but asked
the Lord 70 help me, and hung on Ike
q beaver" Some pray and do not hang
on; some hang on. but do not pray.
The safe way and right way 10 70 join
prayer and labor, faith and works, zeal
and patience. Bzchaage.
An agricultural paper informs its
readers that "A hive OF bees placed In
the orchard will increase the crop Of
apples. ss the pollen rubbed of the
bodies of the bees fertilizss thousands
Of blossoms which might otherwise be
barren" We can assure our farmer
friends. however. that one cross dog
| placed In the orchard will increase the
spple-crop so per cent more than two
hives of bees. A cross dog will Ego
right 10 the spot" quicker than the
pollen. No-yislo,on Herald.
One of the days In the late star-routs
trial In Washington seemed particular
ly uncomfortable al round. Witnesses.
attorneys. court officials. and even the
Judge himself appeared to be In IN
exceedingly unsmiable mood. As Mr..
Ingersoll left the courthouse at lunch.
time he passed o horse hitched By the
sidewalk. The animal snapped 1T him
viciously. Jumping quickly out Of the
way. the Colonel fired back at the beast:
"And what court are you Judge OFF"
The incident coming to Judge Wylie's
ears, be said: We'll, IngersolI has
more horse sense than any lawyer I
know Of"
In the palny days OF Wabash citi-
zen Of St. Louis, who was 0 large
Spectator In the stock. blossomed out
with . fine residence, fine turn-outs,
diamonds. and wine suppers, and when
an old acquaintance asked the secret Of
his fortune he replied: "Why, me and
Wabash are up" The other night 3
miserably clad, broken down man asked
for lodgings In Chicago police station,
and citizen standing by exclaimed:
"Why, this 10 MIR. --, formerly Of st.
Louis;ho comes this changce" "Well,
Wabash and me are down." was the
answer, as he went TO his bed on hard
plank. Ralt Street NeVs.
Sam Oppenheimer of San Antonio
was one Of the passengers on the San
Saba that was robbed few weeks ago.
"Shell out your money. or of goes the
top of your bead" remarked one Of the
robbers, holding q pistol under Sans
nose. Three hundred dollars wash
every cent got, % hellup me schiminy
grashus. Hand 'em over" San,
did so, keeping back s6. What are
you keeping back them s6 fore' mildly
inquired the robber. pressing his pistol
against Sans head. milne Colt, don't
you let mau take out 2 per cent ven
he advances money mitout securitiesP
asked Sam Teras Systnos.
A young Chicago man who returned
from Massachus etts three weeks ago