Milford chronicle., 1885-03-13
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
THE COLUMNS OF OUR EX.
CHANGES.
Two styles of PrOposnl-He Knew HIS
Fntber-A Lesson In Firmness-A New
Sensational Retired HumOrists Etc.
TWO STYLES OF PROPOSAL.

TWO STYLES OF PROPOSAL.
Now, there was Miss Manygeld.
Young Simpkins had been calling on
her for nearly a year when he made his
proposal. So one evening he came to
the point as follows:
"My dear Miss Mary, you must nave
noticed that 1 have been here a good
deal lately, and perhaps you've Won
dered Why"
"Oh, no I I guessed It from the very
first And papa. too !"
"Does your father know2 What did
he say about it?"
] "He said to mamma, when you frst
came here, 4 know what that young
/ Simpkins came here for, Maria. He'll
be very polite to us, and when he's fat
tered us enough he's going to try to
borrow some money! Oh, you can't
fool papa, Mr.. Slmpkins."
Then there we q Miss Stebble. She
was the opposite Of Miss Manygeld.
! Whenever a man spoke to her she i'm
mediately looked on him as her suitor,
and when young Wachtsduausfurchad
stadtheimer, of the German Legation,
met her at Miss Rosebud's last german
/ and danced with her, she thought she
had another victim; so when he bent
over her chair and languidly inquired,
"AIiss Shtebble, don't you shust lofe
Shermans ?" she said:
"Oh, really now, Count, this is so un-
expected, you know, when you have
known me so short a time ! But there,
/ can't resist you. But you must ask
papa. - Washington Hdtchet.
A LESSON IN FINANCE.
Some years ago there lived in vii
lage which is now included in the limits
of Boston a blacksmith. He was a
master workman, his custom was large,
and the owners of fine horses for miles
around were in the habit of taking them
TO Green's to be shod. One day new
customer but not a stranger to the old
gentleman, drove up. His name was
Blodgett, but he had passed a season
abroad and had returned considerably
Frenchifed, as well as Anglicized, and
his name had been transformed into
Bloeee. He wanted a shoe set, and, after
the lob had been completed in the usual
excellent manner, he inquired:
CAV, how much is the chawge, Mr..
GreenP"
The reply came short and sharp,
''Half dollar"
"Hawf dollar half dollar WHY
weally, I've been out of the country
long that 1 don't know what ha
dollar is, don't you know" ans, = -
Mr.. Blogee, handing over a -dsing o.
The blacksmith stood on III r
speechless amazement; then thrnsting
the bill into one pocket, he brough. e. IN
a quarter from another, and, handing it
over to Blogee with the remark, 81
thought every darned fool knew a half
dollar was seventy-five cents, marched
back to his forge.-B0stOn Record.
TRAVELLING "INooG."
A retired humorist one day ventured
into a cotton mill and while in an un-
guarded moment he was perpetrating
some of his old and shopworn jokes
upon an innocent operative, he was
drawn into some of the ponderous gear
ing and dreadfully crushed. They
combed him out of the machinery
after a spell and spread the effects on
the floor. "Who is it ?" 'Who Is it ?"
was the anxious inquiry as the crowd
gathered around. Nobody knew. Then
the humorist slowly opened his eyes
and moved his lips. A sympathizing
bystander bent down his ear. "Ihere
is good reason why nobody recognizes
me-" the humorist whispered painfully.
''Why is it?" the sympathizing by
stander asked. "Because," the humor-
ist explained, as he saw a chance to
steal home, "because I have been travel
ing incog." And then a smile like
summer cloud played for an instant over
his features and was gone. He never
spoke again. Boston Journal
so HAVE WE ALL OF Us.
"You'd think" said the man on the
wood box, "that squirrel, born and
raised and always living in the woods,
would know them so well that he never
could get lost and could find his way
anywhere"
"Doesn'tP" replied the man on the
wood box, "good land, he's lost half the
time: never knows where he is. I've
hunted a whole good long day for one
squirrel and then gone home without
finding him"
And a dumb voiceless cry of woe that
could be heard at the Q. O. crossing
arose in the car and walked the isle like
a living train boy.-BWdette.
HE KNEW HIS FATHER.
'Now. Johnnie" f" said the teacher, eff
your father borrows $100 and promises
to pay back $40 a week, how much will
he owe in seven weeks ?"
zone hundred dollars, said Johnnie.
'Tm afraid you don't know your les
son very well, remarked the teacher.
81 may not know my lesson very
WE'LL" Johnnie frankly acknowledged,
"but know my father. IN Y Times.
REALLY MUST ASK MA.
A pretty young girl and rich old
bachelor were about to be married.
''Do you consent to wed this man p
the minister asked.
The bride made no reply.
Tue minister repeated the question.
"You will have to ask mamma" she
then said; "she started this match, and
she may as well see it through. San
Francisco Iilgleside.
WILL SWEAR TO IT.
'eThere," said Washington hotel
man, as he read of the railway accident
and The burning of the mails near that
city last Friday, "that accident cost me
hundreds Of dollars.
"Got stock in the road, I presume.
''No, but every Congressman who Is
ont of the city will swear he sent me
the amount Of his board bill by that
mail. "--Chicago Nel0s.
A GAME LAW.
The Arkansaw Legislature has passed
a game law, an enactment which is q
s'peart" step toward civilization. Sew
eral gentlemen opposed the bill. One
man said: "BIr. Speaker, this here law
will keep a fellow from hunting in Au-
gust. This is a calamity, for our peo-
Die, not having anything else to do, will
have to go to work. ."--Ark0nsaaO IraV-
THOSE BILLS.
n5-a r -. Io~o oo1Io1 cfr a