Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1885-02-26
WIT AND HUMOR.


of Mary was possessed OF young animal
called in common psrlance lamb.
The exterior woody covering of the quadru-
ped was in color rs white az the driven snow;
And to all places and localities whithersoever
the said Mary in her wanderlngs did pcram-
bulate.
The aforesaid small quadruped in like manner
was just Nd certain TO go.
-On City Derrick
! pine said tho COW, .or tho days gone by
For the maid with the milking pail;
My Office is gone, and I'm left TO sigh;
And my moan fills the evening gale.
No more in the dairy tho maid is found.
To take pride in the cream turecn
No more in the fields VIC viii browse around,
Texas siftings.
A New York woman wore at church
last Sunday dress of ordinary crash.
She was dressed well-towcll, in fact.
Elmira, n. Y, has saloon where
beer is sold for cents glass. The
population of Elmira has been doubled
within the past ten years. -boston
Globe.
Boarding-house keeper "Why, how
deity you carve the beef, Mr.. Smith.
You must be an adept. Smith with
a grunt of exertion) Yes III, am;
I'm wood-carver by trade.
an Ohio farmer shut hoginto hole
in his haystack by mistake, and just
thirty three days later the hog came
out on the other side, eighty pounds
lighter and a world wiser.
in Maine you can buy canes which
are filled with whisky jess sol In
Georgia we take u drink with a stick in
it, and in Maine you take a stick with
a drink in it. The Gcorgia Cracker.
How does the new girl strike your"
asked citizen of Detroit at dinner
lately. "She hasn't struck me yet"
answered his wife meekly. but she
has done almost everything else. III
dependent.
Sleepless people, says the Health and
Home, should court the sun. We need
hardly remark that counting the daugh-
ter has tendency to increase sleep
lessness, especially in tho case of the
old man. Boston Globe.
is woman capable of filling an
oflice?n asks an exchange. She is. A
woman has just been inquiring after
some rejected manuscript in this Office,
and she filled it completely for the time
being.-B'Irltngton Free Press
what was the principal occupation
of Frederick the Great in private life?"
asked Professor of the University of
Texas Of one of the pupils HE was
player on the flute "What was his
fatherP" He was opposed to it"
AT the recent cat show in London,
one feline valued at $780, 900 was ex-
hibited. 1t must have been gold cat
encrusted with diamonds. Just fancy
throwing 25-cent bootjack at $780,
600 cat on a backshed worth not more
than 81.
laundering all around He-'I saw
Miss Dash to-day. She is a charming
young LADY, She-'Oh, yes, very
charming and very young. You ninny,
she's just my age" He-"The deuce
she is. But she doesn't look it.-BoS-
ton Transcript.
A young man who left home in Con-
necticut several years ago to seek his
fortune recently wrote from Texas say
ing; i've settled here" 1t has since
TRANSFERRED that he was right He set
tied ut 20 cents on the dollar. Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
"You are not looking well. " I'm not
feeling well, either whats the
matter?h II had a fearful nightmare
last night. You know that my wife
owned pug-dog and the cussed brute
died?' Yes. well, dreamed it
had come to life again.
Stage manager What's the matter
down there? Ballet irl-"One of the
coryphees has tainted" "Well, take
off that coat of red paint on her face
and loosen her wig. Her granddaugh-
ter will attend to her. We want tho
rest ofyou up here for the Snow-scene."
Two young women were recently ar
rested in Brooklyn for stealing pair
of trousers. They gave as their excuse
that they were "cold and wet and had
no money" And yet we don't cxaot4y
see how both of them expected to wear
one pair Of breeches. Huntington Free
Press
a man of our acquaintance--in fact
he was a cousin of Colonel Mckinney
drank so much chalybeate water for
his health that oncG when in Jail for
stealing 4 COW he opened vein in his
arm and extracted enough iron from
the blood to make 4 cyowbar, with
which he broke his way out of prison.
If solid silver latch keys are to be
very fashionable the jewellers are to
make their fortunes Latch keys Of
even iron, steel and hardened brass
wear out rapidly. so what is to be eN-
pected Of silver? About one point in
this matter we may be satisfied of. The
silver latch key will not be a fayorite
present from wife TO husband.
You are confident that your new
patent medicine will be a success, are
your asked friend of manufactur-
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