St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-08-23
How Darkey Waiter Helped College
Professor to Enunciate Line
of Virgil.
Evart's Little Joke About theProduct
of his Pen--A Collection of
Foreign Missions.
Shoddy Aristocracy at Saratoga--The
Original Mugwump--AB Brief
Reform.
Correspondents of the Globe.

lie Ildu HnlSn6C geometry ana mathematics,
Livy, Cesar and Virgil in Latin and the
Anabasis in Greek.
The other day at dinner Prof. Henry of
Harvard college was scanning q line of
Vngil'S heXameter to illustrate the metre
to q rich business friend who had not read
the classics.
''LOngfellOw's Evangeline and Virgirs
epics, said the professor, were written in
the same heXameter. Now, the first line
of Virgil is scanned like this: Anna
vi-rum-que-"
why, declare, " he said (hesitatingly),
GIVE forgotten the old familiar words"
''Shall [ give them to you?" asked the
waiter, politely.
''You?' asked the professor. in astOnish-
ment
''Yes, sir" said the black man. ''They
,Arma virumque cano, Troje qui primus
alb oris.'
''Great gunsI' exclaimed the business
millionaire, ''where did you learn Latino"
AT college sir" said the waiter.
When the rich man found out all the poor
negro'S requirement and ambition and pow
erty, he asked him how much it cost him a
year at Howard University.
1t costs $3.50 year, and have got
three years to 60"
| w OIl, llClC. uS Scltt, SS0UU-yOu can
keep the change, and when you get through
come and see Nathaniel Ruggles in Dodge
City, Kan"
a little while after this, when the poor
negro student was telling the other colored
men about it the tears came into their eyes,
| NOW" he said, ''bOyS l can study without
being hungry. God bless Nathaniel Rug
giles" he said, showing them the real money
l-'GOd bless the whitest white man in Sar-
atoga!"
| WILLIAM NJ. EvARTS' HUNIoR.
Hon. William NJ. Evarts, the only man
who can be witty and not lose his dignity,
has been at the States this week. Among
other things | asked the great lawyer about
some OF the witticiSms which have been at
tributed to him.
THE best thing the newspapers said
perpetrated," said Mr.. Evarts, Il wasn't
guilty of at ALL"
''What was ito" asked
1T happened when L was secretary of
state. Every morning the state department
elevator came up full of applicants for for
elgn missions. One morning, when the APP
plicantS for missions was extremely large,
Catlin, the Commercial Advertiser humor-
ist. remarked: That is the largest collec-
ton for foreign missions you have had YETI
The newspapers attributed the saying to
me, but it was really Catln's WITT
AFTER that you sent poor Catlin out of
the country, didn't yOu?'
80, no. rewarded him by making him
consul at Glasgow-and afterwards pro-
NOTED him."
Speaking of Mr.. EvartS' farm up at
| Windsor, told him l understood that he
| raised large quantity of pigs for the eX-
press purpose of sending barrels of pig
pork to his friends.
''YeS, l am guilty of that" said Mr..
EvartS. ''Fve been sending Bancroft pig
pork for years, and if his History of
America is successful it will be largely
due to my pen"
A few years ago Mr.. Evarts sent his usual
barrel of picked pig pork to Bancroft with
this letter:
DEAR BANCROFT: am very glad to send
you two products of my pen tO-day-a barrel
| of picked pig pork and my Eulogy on Chief
Justice Chase. Yours, EvARTS.
ADMIRAL LEROY ON THE PANAMA CANAL.
| Admiral Leroy, whose fleet carried Gen.
| Grant all over the East. said of the Panama
canal to-day:
| The Panama canal is and will be an
utter failure. 1t is grand French hum
| bug and De LesSeps has deceived himself
and then deceived the public. He ought
TO come out now and publicly announce the
impracticability and impOSsibility of the
scheme"
Capt Eads, who is here, says he can
| build his inter-Oceanlc railway and carry
steamships across the iSthmuS for So. so per
! ton.
What would your ship railroad cost?"
l asked.
1T would cost SIS, 900, 600, and it will
pay net profit of SO, 800, 900 per year. The
New York Central moves u ton of freight
at mills per mile. We can move ships at
l mill ton per mile The ship canal would
| cost $500, 600, 900. Our road bed will be
fifty feet wide. 1t will be built. We have
spent $500, 0GO on surveys already"
ROUND LAKE CAMP MEETING.
About twelve miles from Saratoga is the
famous Round lake camp ground. The
saints of Saratoga and the sinners of the
camp ground spend half of their time pas
sing to and fro. The other night they had
an experience meeting over there. a long,
lank fisherman from Saratoga lake. but
recently converted, was present. When
the Clergyman called ON him to narrate
his experience, he solemnly arose and
said:
brothers and sisters-T am glad I've ex-
perienced religion. l amt ashamed of it.
L amt got much edikation, and I don't know
how to tell you how l feel, and-and (hes-
itateS) and I'm proud bretherin Toto
but the best way L can say it
is, L amt that miserable, lazy, lying
son-Of-a-gun L was three days ago!''
STUPIDITY OF THE IGNORANT RICH.
The ignorant rich people in Saratoga,
who speak bad grammar and can't see
through joke, are still called shoddy.
The air is full of them. They go buzzing
around from one Worth dress to another,
pushing for introduction and uttering the
silliest parodies on thought. When people
of genius make witty remark they never
see the point, and when they try to repeat
wit they invariably blunder so as to leave
out the point. To illustrate:
Yesterday two very gifted gentlemen
were bantering each other on the balcony
of the States. One said:
Nov, mayor, why don't you get mar
ried? You are rich and accomplished.
You could marry any one you please"
~ es," said the mayor with twinkle in
his eye. Il suppose 1 could marry any one
l please-but the trouble is to please
them"
Of course the brains of the group saw the
point, but one old shoddy drOmedary this
morning was telling every rich and shoddy
woman i'll the hotel that he didn't like the
mayor, because he was such boaster.
what was he boasting about?'' 1 asked,
knowing the wisdom and modesty of the
mayor.
why heard him say that he could
marry any one i'll the hotel he wanted top
What can we do with these old silly fools,
decked in diamonds and set in Worth
clothes? Nothing.
ORIGIN OF THE MUGWUMPs.