Morning journal and courier., 1885-04-22
FLKRTATIOUS.

Filtration is damnstion," exclaims Tal- mage. This narrows the circle of the elect very materially.-Lowell Courier.
 'sWeel, Sandy" said neighbor, "Hoo is your mither the day 9 'sDeed, I dinna ken vera weel hoo she is but the coos ta'en ill., that is far waur than my mither. ."-Glasgow Evening Times.
 "Boys should learn to be kind and helpful to their sisters as they expect their sisters to be to them.'' That is all right, but boys have never learned to be good to their sis ters as they are to other boys sisters and they neveR will till the millennium arrives. New York Graphic.
 Claw sakes," said old Mrs. Relict, 'tall Melinda thinks of now is the skatin' rink. on them wheels that She can't even go her old mothers home made bread now, an she talks all the time about the Dutch rolls they have up there. ."-Boston Times.
 Last week the editor of the New York
 Tribune sat in room 168 feet from the side walk and wrote editorial condemning the erection of all buildings more than 150 [S0] feet high. As the young man remarked at the boarding house, 'sTake off the griddle; I'm through. ."-Detroit Free Press. Caucasian tramp-"My colored friend,
 please lem me quarter; I fought, bled and suffered four years in the Union army to make YOU free man." Colored gentleman -''You did your duty, sah; but bout loan ing you dat quarter, don't keer, sar, to re- wive de bitter memories of the wah. ."-Texas
 Siftings.
 At the police court: Accused, you are
 blind?" '.Yes, your honor" How did you
 become blind?' "By fit of apoplexy.
 sfWhy, then, this picture on your breast rep
 resenting an explosion in mine, in which you lost your sight4'' 'tPlease, your honor because to represent apoplexy painting is powerIess "-Le Francais.
 Calino found his badness increasing in spite of remedies and took his barber to task about it. 'tYou sold me two bottles of stuff
 to make the hair grow" ''It is very strange it won't grow again" :" said the modern Figa-
 TO. 'sI can't understand it.' ''Look here, said Calino, s'I don't mind drinking another bottle, but this must be the last. French
 Joke.
 'It is my unalterable decision, Clara" he said firmly. ''I cannot walk on the avenue
 with you if that poodle is to accompany us You must choose between him and me. Il
 rests with you, Clara, if our engagement replied, ana her face assumed an ashen hue; ''this is all so sudden. You must give me time to think it over One week, George l and you shall have your answer."-The In gleside.
 A sporting paper contains an article en- titled s'How to prevent accidents in the game
 of base ball." This difficulty may be over | come by the substitution of garden digging | for base ball. A young man who is digging garden never gets injured by running the l bases or by the bat flying out of another players hand; though when he gets througt l with the game he may be induced to thinl l he has exchanged backs with a man 197 year old.-Norristown Herald.
 "Judge,' said the attorney who was prose 1 cutting in a case in Nevada for the people, q
 ask you to remember that this is the seventh l time the plaintiff has been shot at within { | year" 'tH'm, just so In the other sil | cases he was fired at, in every instance, by people to whom he had sold Union Pacific stock. What was the motive in this caseF l ttWhy-well-well, it was the same, you
 honor." "Oh, exactly. We'll, find the | prisoner not guilty, as al."-Wall Street News.