Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-07-18
For the Standard:
To My Son John, Out West.

Ihe u"es' handling your person grace
fully in company, is the result of prac-
tice; and when you can learn your
hands and feet to be useful to you in
company, and not be in your and
others way, and get your coat sleeves
to seem long enough, and your pants
to not draw up when you sit down,
one>half of the great task is then over.
You will soon learn how to play with
your moustache, and which end of
cigar to put into your mouth, and to
consult your watch. This being &C.
complished, you are ready for the ball
room, and admonish you as father
never to be unequally yoked with a
partner, but choose the presiding elder,
local preacher, or the deacon's daugh
ter with whom to dance, more for the
moral influence than good breeding.
You ask me which were the most
popular drinks to call out, An impor>
tant question, my son. Any pure
spirits drank freely will be to you as
bread cast upon the waters, but church
members prefer apple brandy; and
you be sure, darling boy, to observe
bar etiquette, which is to spend freely.
Was it not for this branch of religion,
the Sam Joneses would have to &c
home and go to work.
You ask me about joining the church.
| say join, and join at big revival
when everybody seems to be joining,
especially if the gal of your choice
joins, and never afterwards be sneak,
ing in alms-giving, nut 60 up publicly
On a popular occasion and lay down
your spread.out SO bill boldly; and
after you get back into the world, worse
than ever, attribute it all to your pas
tors loose way Of living, and don't BIZ
reprimanded without showing the
pluck of your daddy by insulting the
whole capoodle of them.
You ask me what business you'd bet
ter follow. That matter you must de
eide yourself. Every person has tao
for something, and if you think yor
haven't the muscle and grit for a priz,
fighter, nor the fingers and piety for {
ballroom fiddler, maybe you'd better
spend your summers at some popular
watering place, and your winters at St
Augustine, as a dude. You must d.
something for your country. If you
constitution would stand it, angling fo
perch and hunting squirrels nigh
bring your name to the newspaper col
umn. You could take recreation from
this labor in pious game of card
with enough at stake to be no harm in
but give life to the game.
You ask me about marrying. | sa,
marry; yes, marry or break a hame
string trying. Ifyou can't get the on
YOU want, take the one that wants you
She'd as well have her choice as you
Learn her such the first time you com
home fOxey, make yer account to 20
, fer the negatives of the one you wan
: ed. Learn your children, early, hat
its of industry by letting them put on
bee,bait for you and turning squirrels
and take them with you to the theate
and races.
Finally, my son, be polite to the oil
and infrm who are close kin to the %
who is holding you at bay, and o
r whose account sleep has left your pre-
cious eyes; and if she fools with 20
commit suicide and be done with tn
plagued matter.
If you should live to be an old maj
3 and begin to corner in on the toni
, and you see that no further advantae
9 can be taken of any one, and playin
) off is no longer worth cent, and tn
e milk must come down, believe if
V were you, I'd reform and join ii
church again, and what little devilmel
| did from then on, I'd do on the sly
y and if it was convenient, l believe,
; l were you, I'd die insolvent.
e CURT BLIsT.
mn Il, Il