Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-04-10
The Had BOY.

az guess the neighbors will be mighty
glad when you folks get of tn Florida"
said the groceryman to the bad boy, as
he came In with q linen duster on aad
stamped the snow of his feet. "Such
carvings on rs you had in church last
Sunday night. The minister was In
here this morning and lie says he don't
know what to think of your family. He
says your pa was taken with hydropho-
bia in church, and frothed at the mouth,
aud barked like dog, aud the deacon
had TO take him out and sit down OH
him. What did Ii mean, and what In
thunder are you got on linen duster
tor in the middle of winter"
IL am wearing this duster TO get ac-
customed 10 il. When We get South We
shall have to wear palm-leaf clothes all
the time, ," and the bad boy wrapped the
tail OF his duster around his cold legs
and backed up TO the stove. "But you'd
II dide II you had been in our pew Sum
day night. You see, was reading ina
paper how tue Senators In Washington
amused themselves, and there WAS y
story about Wade Hampton's joke Oh
Senator Garland, who always comes
along aud takes caramels OF liam ,pton's
desk, and SO t'olher day Hampton took
piece of brown soap aud Whitfield it
Just the size OF a caramel and wrapped
il In u glazed paper and laid II on his
acsk, aud Garland ate il. itIickled me,
aud thought of pa in minute. When
We go 10 church pa gets nervous cause
hc can't smoke, and he always wants to
be chewing something, aud as ! always
have some candy or something In my
pocket, pa reaches in my pocket on the
sly, when he Is Watching the minister,
gets gum drop or something aud chews
all through the meeting. don't think
ii is right for an old man 10 chew In
meeting anyway. SO | took n piece OF
soap, just fixed IL as Senator Hampton
did, aud put II In the pocket next 10 pa.
In the other pocket had some sure
enough caramels, cause did not want
TO get the soap myself. was chewing
right along, aud when We stood up Ia
sing, pa he nudgcd me for candy. 1
was busy finding which song they was
singing, cause they all look alike In the
hymn book, aud when they got on the
last verse pa nudged me again, and l
kind of winked my left eye and glanced
down toward my pocket, aud pa he had
his hand In there quickern wink, aud
he got the brown soap caramel aud had
IL In his mouth in no time, aud then the
choir got TO the home stretch, AS pa
says, aud he sat down. guess pa bit
right through the soap, from the sound,
for he snorted aud said yah, aud i
guess that was what they thought
sounded as though lac barkcd like dog.
Everybody looked at pa, so he couldn't
spit out the soap, and he held on to it.
An old maid that sits In front Of Us
turned right around and looked at pa NJ
though he was n dime museum curiosi-
ty, and she never took her eyes Oh Of
him. ,hink n woman ought 10 keep
her eye OF man long enough TO let
him spit out chunk of soap. Well, you
ought to have seen me look ut the min
lister when he gave out the text. was
bound TO commit IL 10 memory if ]
busted. dasscnt look at pa for fear !
would snort right out, but peeped out
Of the corner Of my eye, and he turned
red aud white aud blue, and he tried 10
keep from swallowing the soap-suds.
| thought should capDip and quill
wheel, right there on the floor. Pret-
ty soon the soap-snds and foam began
TO show on pas lip and moustacbe, aud
he looked vful / tell you. The dea-
cons followed him out, aud the usbers
got there just Ms he began 10 throw
lather on the carpet, and he coughed
aud sputtered, and they thought he was
mad for sn.e: and grabbed hold ~ his
arms, and as he struggled TO get bis
hand In his coat-tall pocket for the
handkerchief they said: "Don't let him
bite you-don't let him get hold Of his
revolver!" and they scufiied I'LL pa
could get the taste out Of his mouth 40
he could speak, and then he said II was
all right, he bad eaten a carOmel and
didn't know that 1t was loaded"