Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1885-09-12
Saturday Smiles.

She was plump and beautiful and he was
wildly fond Of her; she hated him, but woman
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
"Say, c'nduct'r, IL you (hic) turn thish seat
"What do you want the seat turned for?"
"Got carried by my station. Want t. git
back."-Chicago Nescs.
The woman questions: "Now isn't this pretty
time Mus Of night for you to get Unconstitutional
A pious lady met Homer Martin one Sunday
morning on the way to take an excursion
;nen,rsG going s to church 2" she
course you like TO go to church." said she. "I
like it Immensely" said the wag, but can re-
strain myself.'-Cincinnah Enquirer.
A lady who is ambitious of social distinction
but whose spelling is rather archaic recently
sent notice to the press that she was stopping
go up to Lake Memphremagog and then tell us
where she Is stopping.-N. Y. Tribune.
Gen. Spinner is just now the happiest man in
America. He is camping out on the beach, and
while his companions go off inland TO dig for
worms, he just slips out to the fishing ground
| with bunch OF bis autographs and hobs for
| eels.-BurtsngtOn Free Press.
The Hon. William H. Harper reports that
fishing in the Superior region is not as good this
fall as usual ~ have been here a week" he
in all that time. "-Chicago NeWs.
what is beauty's secret?" asks an exchange
She has none, thank you. The most perfect
confidence exists between us and our wife. OF
this doesn't knock at least So off the fail hat
| appropriation we don't know our wife. Bling
| hdDatOa Republican.
| The Waterman sadly remarks that "this is
the driest of all possible years with religious
newspapers" 1.-THE Watchman will not give it
away we will tell it where 1t can get anything it
wants.-Boston Post.
| Hydrophobia Fixed Habit: Two Cuiras.
| siers at AN eating house. The first: "Waiter,
some water The second: Nv hat for?" "To
drink" Good heavens! It gives me cold II I
get 1t into my boots, let alone my stomach
French Paper.
A certainty is better than an uncertainty.
cine at the saloon rather than at the druggists.
AT the drugstore there Is always doubt whether
you get the harmless drug your prescription
calls Tor or q virulent poison. At the saloon 1t
is dlnerent; you are sure to get poison every
time.-Boston Transcript
/ A FABLE: A Strange Bird met an Owl and
SAID TO him: do you know that can sing as
we'll as Patti?' my stars nor responded the
Owl, "Im so glad met YOU" "Not only that
but can iiy faster than q wild duck" "Good
q partridge" IF that is sO," resumed the Owl,
| 81 see no use OF my squandering twenty-five
and with these word he proceeded to devour
the Strange Bird with dignified leisure. Moral
when you run for President or justice OF the
peace, don't claim too many magnetic and
magnificent Qualities In commencing yourself
70 the favorable consideration OF the public.
Life.
Sam Jones, the southern revivalist, is out In
phtllippic against base ball players and play
Ing. Among other things, he says: God pity
man with whiskers and q wife and children
who forgets that he has wife and throws
away his time on base ball till his wife has "a
go TO his fathers house TO get food TO keep from
starving" Sam doesn't know what he Is talk
ing about. A bang up ball player gets from
paid.-Bostoa Posi-.