davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18
HUMOROUS.

Free wind-An amateur tenor. II
No man can carry feather bed a
look graceful r.
"Care win kill cat" says some
Then when you go out cat hunting
sure and take care.
The man who robs a clothes-lin
not necessarily a laundryman, bu
gederally takes in washing.
1t is said divorces are multiply a
1t cannot be true, however,
divorce from its very nature mus =
dividing. d.
A great deal has been written a,
learning to say no. If you WI
teach a man to say no. just ask5'
'if he would like to pay that Pencils
bill to-day" 00i Books
Uncle-"Ah, my dear, how'd. Del.
your cheeks are. I suppose the s.
and the mountains did that" Mn
mo, uncle. That was done in
mas dressing ROOM"
Guest-"Waiter did you say
was genuine turtle soupP" Wairwear
ayes, sir; it was made out
water of pond near here in W &
turtle was kept last summer" HE I
A Pittsburg woman. who
two pugilists, who were sutton lates
sixteen rounds for her hand
concluded to taks the fellow
whipped. He was easier to ha =
John Bright thinks that E, EUROPE =
marching towards some great .",'o
trophe" It is conjectured thu = ~.
Bright has a presentiment that q g.
Wilde is going to begin another St
of aesthetic lectures.
Gay old gentleman to boy, On
twelfth birthday: Il hope you
improve in wisdom, knowledge a, ~
virtue" Boy, politely returning con
pliment, totally unconscious Of sa1
casm; "Ihe same to you, SIT
Jim Doolittle has not been married )
very long, but already complains that
his wife has very bad temper.
when did you first get acquainted
with your wife?" asked friend. Il
have known her for a good while, but
didn't get really acquainted with her
until after we were married, replied
Jim, with a sigh.
A bashful young man who was
Ifraid to propose to his sweetheart in
Iuced her to fire at him with a pistol,
which he assured her was only loaded
With powder. and after she had done
o fell down and pretended to be dead.
he threw herself wildly upon the
ody, calling him her darling and her
eloved, whereupon he got up and
married. her.
''Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
lie to the bashful beauty said.
'pm going to walk, (" then answered she,
"And if you see fit you may walk with me-"
"what is your fortune. my pretty maidGo
"AIy face is my fortune, sir, she said.
'Indeed, he replied, as he let her pass;
81 seei md you've got it oil in brass"
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

In the absence OF any instruction, we will
make as above. In ordering give full descrip-
ton Of what you want leave nothing to Be
guessed at
Parties unknown to us, ordering goods. will
be required to remit us one-third the value
before we ship them, the balance to be paid on
delivery.
Send for price list
BALTIMORE TwINE AND NET Co.
VIM. j. Hooper. 81 Son.
S. CALVERT ST., BALTIMORE, Nd.
(AIention this paper)
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

Lieut.. Danenhower of the United
States Navy has. according to the
army and Macy Journal, prepared a
paper on polar explorations, to be read
and discussed at a meeting of the
Naval Institute For the general
public the most valuable of the con-
illusions which this officer reaches is
the following: after having served
with one Arctic expedition. and having
devoted seven years to the study of
the subject, as well as to the watchful
observation Of the numerous efforts
and the comparatively Insignificant
results attending sacrifices of human
life and of treasure, unhesitatingly
record myself as opposed to further
exploration of the central polar basin
with our present resources. The grad
ual extension Of observatory stations
In the interest of meteorolOgy. magnet
ism, and other scientific branches
should he made, but national support
should not be given to another polar
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

TTTT n for working people. Send 10 cents post
HHI y age, and we will mail you free a royal,
Hill valuable sample box Of goods that will
,,-,.,- =, put you IN the way Of making more
money N few days than you ever thought possible
A. any business. Capital not required. You can
i've az nome and work in spare time only or ali tie
Ile. All OF both sexes, Of all ages, grandly sue
Ssss h9 cents to So easily earned every evening
Ihat az who want work may test the business we
vel satisfied We will send 81 to ray for the trouble
sent FREE I, w. tai IilreCtions etct
who start at once. Don't delay. Address STISsog
& Co., Portland. Maine.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

Simpson (cutting a swelD What
do you think Of my new suitp The
ladies say it's just splendid. It cost me
ninety dollars"
Jenks-"That isn't much. had
suit last summer that cost me seven
hundred dollars"
Simpson-"Good graciousl Why
what kind Of a suit was itg2
jerks IA law suit." CaH
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

A remarkable case of longevity is
reported by correspondent from the
village Of Sheepshed. in Leicester
shire, England, where a married cou-
pie Richard and Elizabeth Wortley-
have celebrated their diamond we'd
ding. The registry of the marriage in
the parish church is dated in July,
1915, when the news of the battle of
Waterloo was still ringing through
the country. Twenty years ago the
golden wedding of this couple was
celebrated, and they have now com
pleted the extraordinary term of sew
enty years of married life.
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18
DR. @. ". sIPPLE
DENTIST

Fgli upper and under Sets Of Teeth (either
iusi or ). & Whites, which are the MAJ IN
h world) from 90 70 S10 All other I S1Js n y
proportion. - VIVA N
'racting Teeth Is cents. ~
Oiiice. 1874 Loockermsn st., near Govsynor,,
Avenus, Dover, Del '-0i
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18

During eight centuries" says a
correspondent of London Matt re,
"one's direct ancestors amount to a far
greater number than would at first be
contemplated. Taking three genera
tions to a century, one has father and
mother (2). grandparents "a. great
grandparents (8). At the end of the
second century the number of aneest-
ors springs to g. Following the cal
culation, you will find that at the end
of eight centuries one is descended
from no less than 10000 ancestors.
Intermarriage, of course, would reduce
this estimate, and there is no doubt it
must have largely prevailed. But the
figures are so enormous that, in spite
of all, I venture to suggest that the
words. AN ye are brethren are liter
ally true"
Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-09-18
M3|:|sI.

We would make the webbing $50 yards long,
10 feet deep when stretched the same as a rope,
that is, the mesh stretched as per diagram No q
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
L0OALErTEs.

Now cod fish, at Bouche's, sSs Main
street.
Telephone Smith & Hall for your In
surance.
Now white fish, at A. n. Bouohe's, S2s
Main street.
Just received, a lot OF horse-radish in
root, at A. E. Bouche, the grocer.
Horse radish and everything In the
grocery line you want at Bouche'e.
Smith q Hall will insure farmhouse
on the installment plan. Gall and so
them.
Bouohe, the Main street grocer, koeps
eyerythisg In tho grocery line. Telo-
phone him.
Pixies Toothache Drops cure in one
minute. German Corn Remover kills
oorns and bunlons.
Telephone or leave your orders ut
Hamilton q Young's, and have your
window glass put in.
Paints, ready mixod, no that any one
can use them; artist materials, oils, etc.,
at Hamilton 4 Young's.
For the celebrated lei Principe do
Gales and Mardi Gras cigars call at the
Merchants Exchange Bar, corner La
mar and Commerce streets.
Dobblns' Securing Polish Is tho best
thing In tho world for cleaning tin pans
and all kitchen utensils. Finest thing
for using In washing dlshos and pans In
hard water. For sale by A. E. Bouohe,
Main street.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
Young nIenY--Icnd rhI..

The Voltaio Belt company OF March
brated electro voltalo Belt and other
Electric appliances on trial for thirty
days 10 men (young or Old) afflicted
with nervous debility, loss OF vitality
and manhood and all kindred troubles.
Also for rheumatism, neuralgia, paral-
ysis and many other diseases, Com
plete restoration TO health, vigor and
manhood guaranteed. No risk IL iu-
Cured, as thirty days trial Ii allowed.
Write Thorn AZ onoo for illustrated pam.
nhlpt froc
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
THE CITY.
= TEXAS LAND . MORTGAGE GO.
1sa ELM STREET.

a. PUNISHABLE, who was formerly
Ihe PUNISHABLE Boot and Shoe com.
n, and who was their manufacturing
ager, is now manager OF the elegant
and shoe store at TS2 Elm street.
y have ell the patterns OF the cele-
I'd Hunstable boots and shoes, boz
carrying large line OF ladies'
y and children's shoes. Don't for
he new Hunstable shoe store, at 7S2
D., old Grange store.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
The Extension I'm,

ir reduced rates are no longer ex-
cd; but we are determined to in
% our trade, and are making 10 or.
/, shirt for SIS per dozen-unlaun.
i-that win sell wherever shown.
' are made OF Wamsutta cotton,
linen boeoms and cuffs. Como and
nine them, and IL not satisfied, don't
A few suits OF underwear nc 81
.uit. Respectfully,
OLIVER Bros.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
rhe Oolonnade notel. nenIson, Tern..

The Colonnade Hotel, Denison, Texas.
Mr.. j. IL. Brown, formerly OF Binkley
house, sherman, has taken charge OF
this house with the view of making II
second to none in the state. II IL the
most comfortable and elegantly fur
nlshed hotel In the city, and In situated
Ia the central part convenient to busi-
meas. Mr.. Writ Brown, his efficient
clork, has charge of the office, where the
closest attention will be given to the
wants and comforts of the guests
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

Smith & Hall are representing tho Sun
Fire office, Of London, England; Trans.
atlantic OF Hamburg, Germany; Fire.
mans Fund, OF San Francisco, Calilor.
MIA; Oakland Homo, OF Oakland Cali.
tornia; Western Fire aud Marine Insur-
ance company, of San Francisco,
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
The Peorle., world.wldn Ynrdlnl

Burnetts Cocoaine has boon sold In
every civilized country, and the public
has rendered the verdict that Il IL the
cheapest and best hair dressing in the
world.
Burnetts Flavoring Extracts are in
variably acknowledged the purost and
the best.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

We call special attention 10 Hughoa
Bros. advertisement 10 be found In our
columns who, being overstocked With
Wine In manufacturing their
Grape Baking Powder are proposing to
almost give It away.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
Rnni.lnn.. A.,,i.n anIra

The best sslve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, foyer
Sores tettor, chapped hands, chllblalns,
oorns and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles, or no pay required. It
" guaranteed TO give perfect satislac-
per box. For sale by w. IL. Howell q
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
shakspere Says Truly,

That which we call n rose
BY any other name would smell as sweet
But the reverse is equally true, and the
simple fact that so many wretched per-
fumes are designated Florida Water
does not impart TO them any of the
sweet fragrance of the genuine Murray
\ Lanman's Florida Water. Beware OF
these counterieits, and make sure Of OBJ
tanning only tho right article which has
won for itself the foremost position ~ n
toilet roOuisite,
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

SIG Elm street. Piles, ulcer, fistula, and
all rectal diseases cured by anew and
painless method OF treatment, without
the knife or ligature, Cures guaranteed
examination free.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

The threats of the prohibitionists
ainst liquor selling has alarmed DIAL
tes. The few drops that remain are
found at the Glen Lea.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

npNthy
nard tines we nave reduced
on Wan Paper. Widow diass,
and artist MateriaiA, Piot6re
los, eiu.
HAMILTON 4 YOUNG,
30 Elm strott.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

Shiloh's VitsliEer Is what you need for
consumption, loss Of appetite, dizziness,
aud oil symptoms OF dyspepsia. Price
lQand % cents por bottle. Sold by J, Ia.
Williams q Co.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
ICE. ICE,ICE.

Get Ice nom the Lamar street DEPOT
between Main and Commerce. Texas
Ice Company. Telephone $40. leo made
from Browdor Springs water,
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

For lame back, side or Ghost us0 Ehi,
obs Porous Plaster. Price % ccnla
sold by ]. J. Williams & Co.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

Come and SEQ the other, brother
another the tother, and he has put up
at the GlenLoa.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

Window Glass ut lew prices, and
laslng done In any part of the city.
HAMILTON & YOUNG,
SO Elm street.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18

. and uncolored and guaranteed
1lteratcd May Blossom Tea nt 90
q pound IN Que pound packages At
1oe's ~ Main nf<oot.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-04-18
New York Herald,
WEEKLY EDITION.
sKETCHFs. CARTooN,s

SKETCHES, CARTOONS.
hnu numerous other features have been al.
wy; AisO complete, exhaustive summary
on lhe news In all departments. II Is read
ny upwords of half a million people and is
BoOu advertising medium, reaching factories
Turns ana homes of all descriptions In ey'
erv part ofthe country.
t9nwlnS all the general news Of the daily
'vh "i the derald, which has the larges'
c'rc1lSiion in the uulted States.
lhlapeodent IN politics, II Is the most
NtHc chronicle Of political news In
Woio' ln,pnftially giving the occurrene
no l.,, oplhilons OF az parties, so that al
'"N We hnoNa. ln tue department OF
FoREIGN NEWS
'hSttld has always been Distinguished
uulmcss Of lts cable dspaiehes.. Theni
icilltlos.
ONE DOLLAR A YEAR
rom the suggestions OF the Farm Depsr"
menl alone concerning soil, cattle, crops
trees, buildings, gai dening, poultry aud ~.
rcultural economy. 6Ihe Hotne0 instrucis
tue uOusewiie and the child,an In regard 70
economical and taseful new dishes, the lesh
Ionh ana the making of home comforts "
auunuon are given latest reports OF trade a'S
mi, PRODUCE MARKETS,
Nhe oondltio OF money, columns OF mseel
,Nieeous reading, poetry, special noveenssii
WI anu humor both social and politics.
nv, Tug news, popular science, tho doing.v..
,m,en,khoWn persons OF the world depMLs
m,ent devoted to the dramatic and lyric stage:
Mhiie the Weekly Herald gives the laies'
,,. oest news Of the world, II is also jour
n n for the family. ~
subscribe one dollar, at any time, forainaiai
isi t POSTAGE free 10 any part OF the UNIV
. sates or Canadas. -.
~, The New York Herald, in Weekly Form
Address NEW YORK HERALD.
broadway and Ann slree"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-10-21
The Resurrection Morning


The household was recently increased by
the advent. unwelcome to all but the young
est member Of seven kittens. Their doom.
Of course, was unquestioned; so, also, was
the manner of their taking OF, which, accord
ing to the custom Of civilized people, Is drown
ing in wash tub, followed by burial at tae
root Of the grape vine. The sacrifice was
postponed until such time as the younger
member aforesaid was absent on a Welt Of a
day, when the deed was done. Arrived home.
the first inquiry after breakfast was:
"Where are the kitticsP
Diplomacy was necessary. The whole of
the awful truth could not be communicated
without danger.
"They died yesterday he was told.
"What did you do with emf" pursued the
b inQuistor.
The place Of burial was indicated, and with
a face expressing thoughtful determination
the infant Investigator left the room. Moth
ing was surmised OF his purpOse until, in the
course OF the forenoon, he made his appear
ance at the library door, smeared with soil
but with glow of triumphant benevolence
on his features, bearing in his arms six moist
and muddy Jumps OF fur which were meWing
and showing every unmistakable sign OF kit
tenish life.
ave got 'em all but one" he proudly re-
marked, as he emptied his burden on the rug
IL can't find her, and I'm afraid she's lost. y
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-10-21
PERSONAL.

MRS. JOHN Q, GREENE, widow Of the Prince
ton College patron. is " orth Fl0,o00,0O0.
NEVADA will hereafter combine her two
names ami appear on programmes and in the
papers Is Nine. Palmer Nevada.
SARAH ALrHEA HILL. known mainly in
connection with the sharon scandal. is to 20
Tia" '"' '''s'' A''''''D'' essay '"S OF
Mrs. A. T STEWART, whose estate is said
20 be worth S30000,000, lives very quietly IN
her marble palace on Fifth avenue, New
York.
MR.. Villas, a brother of the Postmaster
General. Is shortly to he the bridegroom IN a
person Of the occasion being Miss Elizabeth
Ludlow.
MISS ST. PIERRE, the Tennessee heress,
thinks she can elevate the poor white people
OF the South She intends TO form colonies
aud give the poor whites houses and work.
house and ten years lease on 20 acres OF
land.
LIEUT.. FREDERICK ScHwArKA. soldier,
Arctic explorer, artist, doctor aud lawyer,
has also proven his title TO literary honors.
lie "a stalwart. powerful, tough looking
man, wiOh pleasant face and head as big
az q walrus. and Is a brilliant talker and
story teller.
Nh. JAY GOULD was in Texarkana, Tex,
Oct 10, To an interviewer he expressed sat
istration, spoke hopefully OF the future OF Tex
arkana, complmented the Knights OF Labor
Organization. but declined TO express any
wish or opinion az 30 the contest In New York
in November.
GOV. HILL Of New York, has an erect and
well-formcd figure, In which grace and sub
stance are combined In most harmonious and
justly prOportiOncd symmetry. His rOOmy
and intellectual head Is adorned with an in
teilgent. resoute and genial face, over which
shines the glow OF unceasng and unmistak-
able health. His manners are cordial and
easy.
JOHN ROACH looks feeble and care worn,
and Is growing more deaf cv1ry day. lie ap.
pears TO feel his troubles severely In speak
ing 90 a friend feceutly. he said when he
came TO New York poor boy without dol-
lar tn the world and went 20 work for dollar
9 day, he was happier than he was when his
business increased 80 that be employed a
very large number Of men and had a payroll
or $4,000 week. lie is now, he said, al.
most where he started from financially.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-10-21
A Wise Man.



The following anecdote illustrates the fact
that the man who is asked TO do an unusual
thing will expect much more pay than for DO
ing usual thing that costs him several times
the trouble Some years ago, before the sale
of game was legalized, and a present OF 10 was
thought worth the expense of carriage, an
Englishman rented a moor within twenty
miles OF Inverness. Wishing to send a ten-
brace box OF grouse 10 his friends IN the south
he directed a servant 10 call upon Donald
Fraser lwho owned a horse and cart ana
made a livelihood by driving peata into the
town, and ask him what he wOuli charge for
taking the box TO Inverness. Donald would
not take IL under 81. The demand wag
thought 80 unreasonable that the gentleman
complained to a Scotchman, who was shoot
ing with him.
The Scotehman replied that he tthe English.
mani did not understand how tolbargain with
the natives, and that one OF them approached
in the right way would do the lob for much
less. Calling Donald, he held tho following
conversation: -
"Guid mornin', Donald What's the price
o. peats the nooW
''Juist auchteenpcnce the load. sir"
very weel, ye can TAX load into nv
hoose m Inverness the fret thing the morn's
mornin'."
IN due that, an thank We, SIR"
Inc hc0tchman then walked on about 20
said:
by the-by. hae box tae send; We can
JUST pit Il on the tap o. the peatsn
W dae that, cir. lpll no max muckle
In this way the sootohman got A good load
OF peate and the Englishman got his bon Of
game sent for nothing.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-10-21
A JOKE ON FORREST.
How Actor Adams Made q Readable
Romance.

Mr.. Stuart Robson says that Edwin Booth
is chock full Il amusing and interesting remi-
niscences Of Edwin Forrest. One time Booth
went to cal on Forrest, and he found the old
gentleman brooding over a grievance he had
against Edwin Adams. Now. Forrest was
quick to appreciate wit and humor when they
did not tread on his own corns, but he saw
no fun in q joke that somebody else played on
him. DID,
~ cannot understand it at ALL said For
rest. II have loved Adams like a son, yet
he tells these baseless, senseless lies about
me-"
Indeed, Mr.. Forrest" said Booth, you
must be mistaken"
NO" replied Forrest, ''the very heavens
echo with the llbels and ISLANDERS he is con
tinually uttering. l will give you sample.
He says l went down to Long Branch last
summer, and became deeply enamOred of
beautiful young lady of -; that walking upon
the sands Of the beach one day proposed
marriage to her"
Booth.
But he SAYS So" continued Forrest, land
ne says that said to the young lady: Miss,
this is great honor. The greatest actor and
the most gigantic intellect of the age offers
you his hand and heart Then, says Adams,
the young lady, blushiDE and looking down at
the sands, said that she fully appreciated the
honor, but that before replying she would
nave to consult her mother. At this, accord
ing to Adams, / drew myself up to my full
height and exclaimed: Your mother, child;
your mother? Your mother can 90 to--P"
Having told this story in the most vigorous
and dramatic manner, old Forrest drew back
and regarded Booth with an expression that
seemed to ask. There, now! What do you
think OF thatF Then, alter waiting proper
time for Booth 10 comprehend the fullness of
Adams Ofense, Forrest said, in his most i'm
pressive manner: Booth, | assure Won most
solemnly never said anything of the kind"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-10-21
A Fashionable Man Shocked.

From the PhtLGdeLDhjG Press.
Stuart Pond, son and heir of William A.
Pond, of New York, the wealthy publisher of
music, made wife OF a comparatively poor
but accomplished girl. He was a fashionable
young man about town, popular among the
fellows, and it was considered that his bride
was peculiarly FORUM ate in winning him. But
thor wedlOck was unhappy, owing to habits
Of dissipation that he contracted, and she sep
arated herself from him. In the revival of
the old burlesque, "Eya7geline," a row Of
chorus girls includes u smalish one, with
rather pretty face of a refined type and
manners less bold than are common IN such
employment.
STUART Pond bought a box for a party of
friends. unawares that in this chOrister he
would see his wife. She had hired out to the
management. through the intercessIon of
John a Maekay, an actor in the cast to
" HON she had told that she was unable TO earn
comfortable living at any work within her
ability. Young Pond was astounded and
shocked and Mrs Pond showed signs Of faint
lug. 1t Is said that he has made VOW of re-
form and IS willing to reunite with his wife
hut she refusea TO do either that or to retire
from the chorus, though she has been offered
the SIS a week salary for mere idleness il she
will get off the stage.