The Press., 1885-09-10
RULES FOR TRAVELLERS.

1. Please keep off the grass. Travellers without baggage must pay in advance. So must travellers with too much baggage.
 2. The traveller who has never before been 20 miles from home Is permitted to sit in one seat and put hls feet OH the oth- CT.
 B. The man who plants his dnsty boots on plush furniture at home and in his friends houses, is expected to conduct himself in like manner oil the train.
 4. Gas burned after 12 o'clock will be charged extra
 5. The passenger wno knows the least about anything is particularly requested to talk the loudest about every thing.
 G. Whenever the conductor calls "all aboard" all passengers who are taking their first trip in q railway car will shout, Eff you can't git board, git rail-. This will enable the conductor to pick them out without any trouble. 7. The passenger who ha, been 'sabroad," Cook s excursion ist, Europe, Asia and Africa in 90 days,) will please give accounts of the fabulous speed and superior comforts of continental railways (two days and 90 seconds from Boulogne to Paris, including stops 5. All loose change in possession of the pas sengers may be safely intrusted to the train boy, who will deposit it in a safe place, and give collateral security for the same. 9. No smoking abaft the shaft. 10. Please to remember the porter. II. When the brakeman fills his cheek with half an apple, just cribbed from the train boy, and shouts "Owwowwollowo owollockalowal-"a and smashes the rest of 1t into atoms by bang ing the door shut, get off :; that is your station. 12. When you show your bag gage check to the conductor, and he says ''donnonoth' bout tav task baggishmast," ," and hurries on, put your check back in your pocket and trust to luck. 13. No passenger may smoke 8 fragrant 25 cent imported cigar anywhere save i'll the cattle car set apart for smoking room, but he may fill his jaws with navy plug, and spit all over the whole train, from headlight to rear brake, if he wishes. IA. Always abuse the financial and mechanical man. agement of the road over which you are travehng, to the brakeman it's all his fault that the road isn't run in your inter- est. 15. Passengers will bear in mind that the brakeman's name is 'Johnny ;" never call him anything else. The conductor may be more formally addressed as 'tSay, George or if his appearance is unusually impressive, you may say 'Mister." 16. At the dining station, the man who at home has meat three times week and one hot meal on Sunday, is expected to growl at the bill of fare, keep the waiter busy, swear he is starved to death every time he goes over that line, gorge his way through the whole bill of fare twice, then kick at the bill and rave because the company doesn't allow it's passengers half time for Their meals. 17. This is free country, and any passenger has perfect right to force his company upon any helpless stranger, wade into conversation with him, ask him mil lion questions about himself, his family, his business, hls personal affairs, and may even compel him to remain awake to par tlcipate in such conversation. 18 Do not pick any leaf, flower or shrub. 19. At in- tervals, it is expected that the poorest whistler ill the GIT will whistle tune which he does not know, and nobody else ever heard. 20. It is the earnest desire of the company over whose line you are now travelling, that as soon as you hear any other passenger whistling, you will toot up tuneless melody of~your own. This pleases the passengers who do not whistle 21. Sass" the brakeman all you can while on the train. Ixmight- break your back if you postponed iAuntil he took his uniform of. BurC1ette aaa the Pathfinder.