Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-03-27
OYSTERS.
The Evol ution of the Practice of Eating
the Bivalvular Delicacy.

The Evol ution of the Practice of Eating
the Bivalvular Delicacy.
When the primitive man found him.
self with the first oyster in his hand,
the probabilities are that he was puz-
zled what to do with it; for tine thing
was shut. Instinct told him that there
was something good to eat inside the
shell. Besides he had already robbed the
cookie and the mussel of their contents
and thoroughly appreciated them; so
by some rude process of reasoning from
analysis he felt sure that if he could
only get the oyster open he would fine
something nice within. But the creature
had closed itself so tight that he coult
not even get his nails in between the
edges. Its size prevented him putting
it into his mouth to crack it. For mile;
and miles there was only mud and sand
on either side of him, so that he had
nothing hard enough tosmash it upon.
In q half-hearted sort of way he en-.
deavored 10 insinuate a. splinter of
cockle-shell TO pry the valves open
Then he trihed with the thinner edge
with his teeth. At last he thought OF
his own skull, and raped the oyster on
it; but not very hard, for it hurt him. He
did it in q contemplative sort of way
Just as a monkey bored to death with S
Brazil nut which il can not break, and YET
is loathe to throw away, sits and taps it OF
the palm of its paw, looking all about
him with an distracted expression O.
face. So safe the aboriginal man; now
and again he would brighten up to 6
renewed assault upon the obstinat,
mollusc. He put it down on the sand
and hurt his foot by stamping on it.
then he took it aud threw it up as high
as he could in the air to see if it woulC
smash by the fall; then he put it in front
of him and apostrophized it, spoke seri-
ously to it, lectured it, scolded it,
abused it, coaxed it, battered it, sale
nasty things about it, appealed to it,
threw himself on its generosity, tainted
IL, ridiculed it, sneered at it, invoked it,
prayed to it, blessed it, cursed it. But
the oyster was not to be moved either
by complaint or insult, it remained as
obdurate as that ''pebble-hearted cur, "
Launce's dog. Not word could he
get out of it; there was no more ex.
preston on its face than on slice of
cold pudding. 1t remained stolidly
shut. Then our ancestor gave way tc
gloomy despair; he threw himself
down on the sand and glared with i'm.
potent desire at the exasperating shell
fish. Bad, wicked thoughts came into
his mind. He saw his aged grandsire
approaching, and, reckoning to him
with fraudful smile, induced the poor
old man to sit down on the. sand; and
then suddenly, without any warning,
he smote him on the crown of the head
with the oyster. Again and again the
mollusc descended, till at length,
in a frenzy of determination. he
gathered up all his force into
one decisive blow, which split his grand.
sire's skull, but broke the shell. There.
upon regardless of the corpse beside him
the assassin picked out the plump oyster
and swallowed it. He closed his eyes,
while smile of inetfable enjoyment
stole over his features but only for q
moment. The oyster passed away like
a beautiful dream. He sighed and rose
1t was fearful price to pay for the de-
licous morsel. Yet other thoughts per.
picked him. His relatives were moi
numerous, and ii he must be obliged tC
use up one each time when he ate an
oyster he could not look forward ia
more than couple of score at the most
Nevertheless he gathered bushel or SC
and went home, bordering over the
situation. He told his dreadful secret
to friend, and thatvery evening, as h,
was asleep, his friend came and cracked
an oyster on his skull. The origina
savage did not die, but his intellect wa!
permanently affected. This was not tn,
worst, however, for somehow the knowl
edge of the fascinating biyalve spread
and men went about with surreptitioul