The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-07-30
nlanitowo1 pilot.
THURSDAY, JULY 30, 1885.
WIT AND HJMOR.


her.
Fail III love perhaps they didn't mean to,
But papa objected, and twas mean, too.
Swore that marry he would never let her,
So she disobeyed him 10 the letter:
And the minister and the merry maiden
Fled, and found Justice. and were made 'un-
When an Afghan is tanned by the
sun he really doesn't care, but when he
is tanned by Russian it is more than
he can bear.-M I. journal.
If the Book of Proverbs had been
written in these days, 1t would not say,
$50 to the ant thou sluggard, etc;
but it would read, '.Go to Boston, thou
slugger," etc.-Hatchet.
A Vermont husband is reported to
have frustrated the intended elopement
of his wife by taking possession of her
silk dress. He knew she wouldn't run
away in a calico gown.
An article is now going the rounds
of the press entitled Napoleon as a
Man" We believe that Mr.. Yelling
ton always insisted that Napoleon was
no lady.-Pe0ria Transcript
where shall | be buried?" signs
poet Isn't graveyard good enough
for you? Do you want to be buried in
the top of a tree? Just name the
place, though, and We'll see that you
are put there.-OH city Derrick.
In making his official report of a
death to the clerk of a city near Boston
the other day physician handed in
the following: Primary cause,
Bright's disease; secondary cause,
Christian scientists. "-Springfeld Re-
publican.
That wild-eyed animal, the punster,
is running riot in the parti-colored IL
Illustrated weeklies, distorting all the
| ideas of the day. With pros and cons
he cons the prose, perverting each as
sertion, while to give version proper
he exhibits 'er aversion.
An oil-country resident. after hear
ing Goldsmith's poem, The Deserted
Village" read in an eloquent manner,
| drew long breath and said:
I'm be burned if that Village of
| sweet Auburn don't remind me of Pc
| troleum Centre "-NeW York Times.
A gentleman with his wife lately Wis
| tied cemetery in Attleboro, Mass,
with one of the directors of the place.
| for the purpose of selecting lot.
After inquiring the prices he asked if
he must pay in advance. '.Well, no."
was the reply; 81 guess you're good for
it, only if you don't pay right down
you will be expected to bury some of
your folks within two years.
Il beg pardon, ma'am, but are you
| going into the country this summer"
! politely inquired a grocer of a shoddy
! I,l
| certainly" Very we'll, ma am. When
| shall | stop calling for the orders?"
| ''Let me see. Well, | guess you'd bet
ter continue as usual until the middle
of June. After that don't call until
late in the evening, as l don't want the
neighbors to see you."-M Y. Jour-
nal.
There is a great deal of true relig-
ion in Nature solemnly remarked
young clergyman while calling upon
lady of his congregation the other
| evening.
There is, indeed" was the quiet
reply.
| 1--WE should never forget that there
is a sermon in every blade of grass"
| 'Quite true. We should also re-
member while we are about it that
grass is cut very short at this season of
the year"
Erudite grocer balancing a can of
| peaches on his HANDY = my dear
| madam, did you know that we really
knew nothing about canning fruit and
vegetables until the ruins of Pompeii
were uncovered, and splendid speci-
mems were recovered, canned over
twenty centuries ago?"
Snappish lady customer-"No, l
didn't know it. But | did know that
your canned goods were very old.
| How long before you will have your
stock from Pompeii worked off ?''
Judge" said the attorney who was
prosecuting case in Nevada for the
people, 81 ask you to remember that
this is the seventh time the plaintiff
has been shot at within a year"
''H M Just so. In the other six
cases he was fired at, in every instance,
by people to whom he had sold Union
Pacific stock. What was the motive
| IN this case?"
well-wen, it was the same,
your Honor"
"Oh-eXactly. Well, | find the
prisoner not guilty, as usual!" VAL
| Street NeWS.
A Waco lady advertised for serv-
ant and colored woman put in an
appearance. Her first question was:
Has yer got any chilluns?"
mo. I've got no children. Why
do you ask?'
"Bekase if you haint got no chillun
| haint gwinter stay wild YER
What have children to do with your
work."
Il don't wanter stay in no house
whar dar's no chilluns. becase den
whenebber any dishes am broke hit
am always laid on de servant and tuck
en- outen her wages. "-TeIaS Sitttnqs.
| YES" said the Honest Farmer, Il
know there are people what always
| puts the big apples at the top of the
bar'l, but 4 don't t."
That's right" exclaimed the dea-
| con admiringly. Il have always tried
TO convince folks that that sort O.
things don't pay in the long run"
| If they'd 60 to the city once in
while they'd learn something. l al
ways puts my big apples at the bottom
of the bar'l"
| That's the way"
| Yes; you sec people has got so sus-
| picious that they most always open
the bar'l at the bottom NOWADAYS. 81
| Philadelphia Cal.
Il have put in a telephone said one
broker to another this morning.
why? Does your business justify
itP"