Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1885-09-24
HUMOR.


state of confusion, he doesn't necessari.
ly die, but he ends his daze. Teas
Sitti71gs.
IT is well enough to lead, but surely
those who lead worthless lives are idiots
when they can just as easy follow good
examples. Barriers Gazette.
If the gods ever interpose In behalf
of suffering humanity, it seems a little
remarkable that baldheaded man
should be overlooked in fly time
Chicago Ledger.
A MEDICAL journal asserts that the
application of hot water will prevent
fainting. That's it; that's, it exactly !
This explains why men seldom faint.
Their wives keep them in hot water
Nelcman IndependenL
"WELL," said one irate Whitehaller
to another, "the only trouble with you
is that you run everything with big
l." "That's better than you do, was
the reply, "for you run everything with
big owe. Whitehall Times.
RINK, RINK, RoLLNGLY.
Only girl with golden hair
Only OF roller skate a pair,
Only two tiny feet in air,
Only softly whispered swear.
-BrooktUn Times.
The tailor who will invent a pair of
pants which will not rip and tear and
swear when the young man inside of
them happens to convert himself into O
pile driver as he is sitting down on the
skating rink floor, has q big future in
front of him-if he intends to collect
his own bills.-FaU Rirer AdUance.
A THEATRICAL manager says the word
drama is pronounced in about twenty
five different ways. A bar-keeper no.
tices that the word dram has also o
variety of changes in the, propJIncia5
horn, occasionally snifter, then again
geezer, not infrequently eye-opener,
settler, hooker, and SO on, al i1li7li-
tltm.-BOSton Courier.
A RECIPE in journal devoted to
good eating, tells show to eat an oys-
ter" 1t appears that for eighteen hun
dred years people have been coming
into this world and going out of it
without knowing how to eat an oyster.
Many people are worried to know how
to get the oyster-and to be unable to
know how to eat it after it is obtained
is pretty rough. .-NorriStolUp Herald.
FIRST small boy: "What does your
pap do for q living?" Second small
boy from New York;: "My pap's a
great man, he is. He is an oificeholder !"
whats his office, then?" Hes q
building Inspector" "I'd think that
would be awful dangerous, going
around unsafe buildings" 30, no. He
don't go near 'em till after they fall
down. ."-Philadelphia Call.
dIscSvered an rinifsfiibiss' method Of cur. cur.
ing hen of setting" II have, sir. /
kill and eat 'em. That cures the set
ting business, don't it?" "Not so sure
of that. Mr.. Blunt" "Ain't, amt you
You must have an ungodly notion that
a hen can set after it's dead" $50 it
can. An old hen, let me tell you, is
apt to set pretty blamed heavy on the
stomach. -YolkerS Gazette.
POOLING WITH THE PHONE.
Strange sounds come floating to my ear,
Sounds with a meaning all unknown,
Sometimes but murinurs soft and low
That ere they pierce my ear have flown.
hear loud curses mixed with songs,
/ hear the lovers signing tone,
Like zephyrs from the south they come.
sometimes a sob comes, or groan.
cannot tell what mean these sounds,
These curses, slghings, songs, and groans.
i simply draw nv pay each week.
I'm Central . foolng with the phones.
Minneapolis Tribune.
AN ignorant man who had made
some money got caught in the hard
times and went under. The circum'
stances were such that some legal in
quiry was made, and he was put on the
witness stand. After several inquiries
the court asked: "You are no longer
in business?" "No, sir" "You owe
considerable money!" eyes, sir" "Are
YOU solvent?" "Of course amt. Tn
busted higher'n they hung Hayman.
Do you take me for a thief ?"-MeT'
chant TrdUeler.
SAND what's the matter with you, my
good fellow?" said DR.. Merriwhistle tC
o sallow-faced man who stood before
him asking treatment. "My circulation
is awful poor, Doctor" said the man
in feeble voice. "My feet are cold al
the time, and my blood don't seem t.
move at ALL" "You must start a news
paper, my good sir, and don't waste any
time in setting about it. never knew
an editor in the whole course of my lif'
who didn't have splendid circulation
Try it and be happy."-Chicagc
Ledger.