Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-20
JOSH BILLINGS, PHILOSOPHY.
The Culture of Bostonians-Why He Don't
Like Ingersoli.

Like Ingerso1i.
Josh Billings the quaint philosopher, IS
observing Horace Greeley's injunction, and
coming West. He was in Salt Lake. on
Monday, and the Herald of that city speaks
of him as follows:
Yesterday Josh Billings visited the
Herald Office, and remained in conversation
for some little time He is wonder
full thinker and talker, Probably he has
made more proverbs and epigrams than all
other American writers combined. He is
old now, but the quaintness of his sayings
is no less delightful than it was in earlier
days. Speaking OF his own age, he said
" From IS to 20. q mans main occupation
is TO forget all he ever learned" Talking
OF New England " ] haven't got enough
culture for the folks down there. They got
through the common sense of everything
ages ago. They're great ON flying out OF
sight. They forget that learning isn't
wisdom. They won't look at anything
commonplace. 4 spell back Long
fellow wrote a great poem, It's last
line was, Suffer and be strong
The Boston people went wild about it.
Such wonderful new thing, Suffer and
be strcng.' Why, that ism I anything new.
It's been said in every New England kitch-
en- for a century. Not in those words, but
sin; by Grin aud bear it, That's all it is.
Same thing, only Boston is too learned to
have anything without polish. All the
moral truths that the world has got dom
number more than thirty. They'r all in
the Bible. People change the form and
multiply words to tell ii. I've been writ
ing proverbs for twenty years, and if I've
said an original thing amt aware of it. a
| lawyer draws up an indictment as long as
from here to the Court house, and so broad
| you could drive q thrashing machine
through it-all about larceny. Why, its
all contained in Thou shalt not steal It's
| pity the Council of Nice didn't burn up
| all of the Bible except the Ten Command
ments and Christ's sermon on the Mount.
| There wouldn't have been anything left 10
quarrel about.
"There's Bob Ingersoll. / don't like an
| infidel. | want man to believe some
| thing When man don't believe any
! thing he can take the other side OF the
road. I've got 40 use for him. l don /
care what il ls-for my creed amt an inch
| long-but he ntiist believe something.
Things | can't understand, ! believe and
respect the most For then | say, there's
| been here som sbody bigger and greater
than me. Everywhere the Omnipotent
God has written, sHhus far and no farther
|
quarrel about the things God has kept
back from man. An intidel got after me
once. He said: You don't believe all
! that internal nonsense about the Flood,
and the Garden Of Eden, and all the rest
of that stuff. Ifsyou do, prove it to me-
Then | says: That's mighty big ques-
ton you've asked. What do you want TO
| tackle poor weak cuss ike me for? What
are you botherillg about such great things
| for, when there's so many little things 10
settle? But | tell you what I'll agree
to, and well each put up a
thousand dollars to make the thing
interesting. IN tell you the exact
| bounds of the garden of Eden-its length,
breadth, its Number and kind of fruit
| trees; Eli describe exactly the stature and
looks of Adam and Eve; I'll tell you the
| dimensions of the ark, and how much wa
! ter she drawed ! ii number and describe
| all the people and all the animals that went
! into the ark, if you, with all your smart
ness, will only tell me what makes one
apple sweet and another apple sour, or
what makes hens egg white and a duck $
egg blue. Youcan't do il. And yet when
| there's Il thousand plain little questions
| like that, lying around loose under your
noses, you re bothering about the plan OF
| creation !! There's Beecher. the brainiest
man America ever produced. Taught me
all the religion ! know. Used to preach
! about the Omniscient and 0mnipotent God.
| Beecher has waded through rything
| else, and now he's come 10 evolution
| When ! found it ont | wrote to him.
| Here, you say Gods omnipotent. And
l,then you turn around and claim that He
amt smart enough to make man until
after He's made monkey Itwon't work"