The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-10-31
The Paragraph Flend.

A black maller-A negro PoS''i"'''''
The mmberman's favorite drink-logger'
A bit of real life-A piece OF boarding
house cheese.
Trim ankle is as pretty hose carriage
as We want to see.
Boston maidens love flowers. 1t Is haugh-
tyculture, you KNOW
The rirl who loves William never asks
her father to foot her Bill.
The surest way to make money.ln "a lou
ter, is-not to buy ticket.
What the drunken man sees may often
he described as circular saw
"Shes not of my set" said the ola hen as
she chased a strange chicken out oi 'he
yard.
II seems little strange that mans lace
is generally the longest when he himself Is
shortest"
A Piusburg man has been fined fifty dol,
,ors for keeping a COW. The COW belonged
to a neighbor.
new story is entitled The Editor $
Wallet" We have not read 1t but know II
must be very fiat.
Ones relatives are sometimes very dlsa.
greeaOle, Dlt plooipiy IiiO ''0
the LOT is your carb- uncle
When barber seeks to render himself
sOciable with customer in the chair he Is
only "scraping an acquaintance
A down.east debating society is wrestling
with the question: Which goes the faster
when broken, colt or five dollar Dill
The Rev. Sam Jones' the great southern
reviyalist, is tired out and will take rest.
Thus human intirmity gives the devil an al
vantage.
A man named Cannon employed IN a
ronnlrv. came around the other day loaded
10 the muzzle. He was promptly dis
charged,
When the bad small boy returns at night
TO his home he often finds there Is breeze
brewing, and usually it is spanking one.
-Chicdg0 Current
A monument is TO be erected in Paris to
the inventor of soda water We suppose II
will bear representation Of the inventors
phiz- Boston Post.
A Colorado paper says; "The Canon City
girls don't take kindly TO croquet. They say
il isn't high toned enough for them. Leap
frog is their best hold"
Tney make two billion shingles every
year ia Michigan, and yet the small boy IN
that state grows up and turns pirate just the
same-Phidde'phta CdU,
A gentleman said to minister; When
do YOU expect TO see Deacon ). again ~
Never" said the reverend gentleman sol
EMMY "the deacon is in heaven"
An Austrian professor claims TO have dis.
covered that the soul is nothing more nor
less than the natural perfume OF the hair.
That's little rough on bald-he people.
Time was, they say, when merit won the bays,
But in these times no man OF merit rises;
Alas we ve fallen on degenerate days,
For gas and brass now capture all mes
prizes.
A Nevada hunter spent three months
looking for n grizzly bear, and the mans
relatives have spent three months looking
for him. They think he must have found
the bear.
The great conumdrum, What are pen
mics made for :" has been solved, They are
made to enable the New York millionaires
TO contribute to the erection of the Grant
monument
The rose in her cheeks is red tonight
Her eyes are filled with tender light
And her heart brms over with happiness,
For he has proposed and she's answer d yes
A Missouri whisky-drinker and tobacco
cheWer has died at the untlmely age OF lO6.
Yet there are persons who will go on drink
ing whisky and chewing tobacco In spite OF
such repeated warnings.
A man named Holland has invented
sort of spirit telescope with which he can
see the human soul He will have to get
an instrument of mighty high power to de
tect the souls of some men around town.
A Wyoming girl was struck by lightning
while dressing for her wedding. Without
taking the hair pms out Of her mouth she
simply remarked at amt time for you
girls to throw your old shoes until after
am married.
The Mormon Bishop Snow has been in
Mexico to negotiate for the purchase of
large tracts of land in that country for the
occupation of colonies. We should think
Mexico would be too hot for Snow.-N0r-
rtstoDn Herald.
PRESSING AUTUMN LEAVES.
"You are the autumn leaf" said he
"And my arms are the book, you know;
Now place the leaf in the book, you see,
And tenderly press it, So
The maid looked up with glance demure,
And bushes her fair cheeks wore,
As she softly whispered; "The leaf, I'm sure
Needs pressing a little more
A Chicago news item states that 1.-The
American hog holds his own and pork pack
ers look cheerful" When II lady enters
car and sees man and his feet and his
gripsack occupying four seats, she must
conclude that the American hog Is holding
more than his own --N0rristOloH Uerdld.
A western man who was touring through
the East, in passing a meadow heard the
driver say: Abandon the direct progress
sion TO the straight thitherward and diviate.
by inclinatory and aberrant deXtro. gyration
into dextral incidence" 1t was an anna
amateur Boston farmer saying Gee, Buck, "
20 his yoke of oxen.
PRESENCE OF MIND.
She walked up to the altar,
Arrayed in spotless white;
She did not quail nor falter,
Her step was firm yet light
When the question was propounded,
"Will you prove living wife,
With cearness her voice sounded,
As she answered, "Bet you life