The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-09-17

When they asked. do you ehewT'
He replied, Yes, l do: -s...
| I'm u wcgular wctch of a wough''
The Northwest
30, where does beauty lingerP'' de
mands Quaker City poetess. As E:
usual thing she fingers in the parlol
until her mother has cleaned up the
kitchen. Boston Post.
A pea-shelling machine has been in.
vented which can do as much work as
several hundred women in the same
length of time. But then it never stops
to talk.--Neo FORK Tribune.
A Harrisburg widow recently eloped
with two COachmen. Most women have
profound admiration for 4 man who
| can drive pair of horses without run
ming into every other turnout on the
road.-NeO York Graphic.
"He's man of largo ealibre," re-
marked Jones to Brown. speaking OF
an acquaintance. ''Indeed?r was the
reply; show do you make that outP''
Brown, and tainted away.-Merch01st
Traveller. '-... . 90.
II declare, Mr.. Blank, said q guest
to the landlord of Bar Harbor hotel,
''your table is even worse than it was
last year" And the indignant Boni-
face answered without reflection:
'''fhat is impossible. sir. boston Conn
merciGL Bulletin. -'
A New Orleans religious weekly says:
1.-THE white race is. we believe. already
beginning to decay" This is sad news,
but it viii not cause as much conster-
| nation in some quarters as would the
announcement that the horse race had
begun to decay.-N0rriStOGOz Herald.
A man called on the Chief of Police
of Allegheny a few days ago and said
he had been robbed of $50, 900, 000
The man is supposed to have been a
curve pitcher for q professional base
ball club, and had just been paid half
of his season. salary.-NorTlStoUn Her,
GEd
A poeteSs MARBLES: al love to sing
when am glad-song is the echo OF
| my gladness; love to sing when am
| sad, for song makes Sweet my very
| sadness" From which we infer that
she loves to sing. Her neighbors have
not yet been heard from. "A orriStoon
Herald.
Verasopht-You are looking charm
ing tonight, Estelle. EStelleSCharm-
ing is too cold a word. Verasopht-
Then I'll call you demons" Estelle
Lemons, sir. Do you mean to insult
meP Verasopht-My darling, you do
not read the papers, or you would learn
that lemons are very, very dear.-PbiE-
dIeLphfG Gail.
A Swapton 4-year-old, who has a
drum and is not slow to beat it, heard
hand organ the other day, and was
particularly struck with the fact that
the grinder took up collection.
After the musician" had departed the
little fellow remarked: II don't drum
any more only for money. st. Adams
(pt.) Messenger.
An absent-miEded Lawrence woman
went down the street the other day
wearing three bustles which she had
ordered sent up to her house to try
on. The accumulation of hair-cloth
and wire gave peculiar chang" to the
back breadths of her dress and attract
ed considerable attention.-LGU
GLASS. american
An exchange saws that some go to
church to weep while others go to Sleep.
Some 60 their wives to please; their
conscience others 90 to ease. Some 90
TO hear the preacher; others like the
solo screecher. Boys 90 to rcconnoitre;
girls 60 because they oughter. Many
go for sage reflections; precious few to
help collections. -F'GH RtUer AdUance.
A bashful young man who was afraid
to propose to his sweetheart induced
her to fire at him with pistol, which
he assured her WAS only loaded with
powder, and after she had done so fell
down and pretended to be dead. She
threw herself wildly upon the body,
calling him her darling and her be-
loved. whoreupon he got up and mar
ried her. -d"lertcs1S (uG.) Republican.