Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-09-09

little Jim's funeral till lie comes back.
He Kin sen de money fur dc cake and
wine jus us well as not, an Bruddcr
Anderson is ready, he tole me las
Sun'y, wild de fax an de tex. Little
Jim S been dead now nigh on ter two
yeah, an it's time his funeral was
preached.
IL amt got no 'jections to do wine-
yard, spcsh'ly ef we hab ter hab wag-
on to haul do grapes, but 1 don want
yuhr daddy to come back heah an find
hissef 'shamed NV his family arter
Twin down dar 'mong all dem quality
folks. I'll send Charlotte dis mawnin'
to borrer a sheet NV paper, an pen an
ink from Miss Sally, an see eff she won't
let her pick up some apples in de or
chard while she's dar, an p'raps she'll
give her bucket NV buttermilk Of she's
done churned yistiddy. An yuh put all
dat in dc letter, an SEN 1t off JUS as
soon as yuh kin"
Dick willingly undertook this bust
ness, having made up his mind while his
mother was talking to him to put in a
few words on his own account; and be-
fore he began the important cpistle each
of his sisters had something to say to
him in private in regard to suggestions
which they wished him to make to the
head of the family.
The letter moved more slowly than
Bob and Blinker over the toughest road.
After three nights work it was only
half-done. for Dick found pen much
more difficult to handle than whip,
and besides being very stumbling spell
Ter, invariably went to sleep over his
paper after quarter of an hours work.
Late in the afternoon of the fourth day
after the commencement of this literary
enterprise, Dick was standing by the
black-gum log, with the axe In his hand,
wondering if it would be better to take
another rail from the forlorn fence
around the little yard, for what differ
ence could it make when there were so
many open places already or to split up
q solitary post, which having nothing
attached to it was clearly useless, when
he saw upon the high-road figure ap-
preaching him.
1t wore a tall white hat with broad
band of rusty Grape around it; it had on
high stiff shirt-collar, and long black
coat; in one hand it carried an umbrella
with rough horn handle, and in the
other little hair trunk tied up with a
rope; it had bright and flashing eye,
and determined step.
1t did not go on to the house, but,
turning from the public road, came
through a gap in the fence, and walked
straight up to the astonished Dick.
"Look a-heah, yuh Dick" said Uncle
Enoch, putting down his little trunk;
"who done tole yuh all that foolishness
about gwine to Washin'ton to wait on
de Congressman, an gittin' sebenteen
hundred dollars yeahp"
ut wus a man at the crossroads"
said Dick, "wid red beard. He done
brung some bosses ODER from de Cou't
House. / dunno his name"
"Is he bigger nur yuh Tsp" asked his
father.
"Oh yes" said Dick. "more'n twice
as big"
"Well, den, yuh huff him alone" said
Uncle Enoch, with great decision and
energy, "yuh huff him alone. hopes,
boy" the old man continued, wiping
his face with his great blue and yellow
handkerchief, "dat yuh's gwiEe tor
learn lesson from dis yere bis Icss. 1t
makes me tink OBJ two no count beasts
dat wus once loafn in little clearin'
dat had been buhned fur q secd-patch.
Dey wus STAMINA in de sun to warm
derse'fs, bein' too pow'ful lazy to cut
some wood and make fire. One was q
gyraffe, an de udder was a kangaroo.
De gy-raffe he look at dc kangaroo, an
he begun to larf.
ats mighty GURUS ses he, ito see
pore critter like yuh, wild some legs
short and some legs long. IF / wus
yuh I'd 60 to de wood-pile, an I'd chop
dem hine legs off de same lent as de fob
one, so yuh'd go about like like
common folks, an not be larfed at
''Dese remarks dey make de har riz
on de kangerroo's back, he so mad
angry.
"'Yuh suh'tinely is a gay boy ses
he to dc gyraffe, to stan up dere an
preach like dat, wild yer hine legs short
as plough-hannels an yuhr foh legs too
long far butter-bean poles, so dat yuhr
back slopes down like de roof of ice
house. IF 1 was yuh I'd go to dc wood
pile, an I'd chop off dat ar long neck
close to de head, I'd be so 'shamed.'
"Now, boy" continued Uncle Enoch,
'derc's lots OBJ stories about one eber-
lastin' fool, but dat's dc only story l
knows bout two NV 'em. An now jes'
yuh go inter dc house an tell dc folks
Use gwine ter put new cracker on do
ox-whip, an eff any oh dem scs Wash
ton to me, I'll make 'em dance Jerusa-
lcm!'
Dick walked into the house to deliver
this message, and as he went, he said to
himself, II reckin de plantation mouse
done gin up he vineyard. "-Frank r.
Stockton in Youths Companion.