The state journal., 1885-01-24

WHEN THE SNOW Is DEEP.
Frozen Eared Funny Men Doing the
Great Scf
Boston Courier Mamma" said a
little girl, Il think I've got ammonia. !"
on mustn't say aUmonia, dear; ven
must say pneumonia. "But it air /
new, for think had it Yesterday"
Yonkers "Gazette:' During the mania
for roller skating rink Il attract many q
young lady. although, as rule, young
ladies never find wrinkle attractive.
New York News" "Why, Emily,
dear, how your jersey is frsyed AROUND
the waist How did it happen p Il
guess George knows, ma, because |
heard him say that he was armed for
the fray, said her little sister.
n. Y. Graphic" A Hartford paper
tells of enjoying opera mile eff y II
the opera resembles some we have had in
this city recently the farther off il is The
grea er the enjoyment.
"2eck's SUM-" Wife to husband
My dear, did you ever eat un Irish
dish p Hungry husband-"No, never
eat an Irish dish, nor Dutch dish, either.
If you havn't anything but dishes to eat,
why don't you say so"
Phila. Call" Life in Kentucky.
Mrs. Kaintuck-"It is time to get ready
for prayer meeting. dear" Mr.. Kahn
tuck-'1 am not going this evening""
Mrs. Kaintuck-"Why, the new minis
ter will be there to night. Why can't
you go?'' Mr.. Kaintuck-'My pistol is
out of ORDER
She looks at laces, silks and diamond pins
At costly goods tho dame doth proudly
The merchant sweetly smiles as she begins
wallet holding fifty cents to tumble.
Life.
Boston Transcript There is in
Granada curious vegetable product
known under the name of the ink plant.
It's juice can be used in writi"g without
any previous preparation" Lots ofpeo,
pie are and have been for years writing
without any previous preparation.
San Francisco News Letter." Teeth
are appendages of the skin," remarks a
medical Journal. All ! Then Job got
things mixed. He should have referred
to the teeth Of his skin instead Of the
skin OF MS teeth.
Cine. Merchant Traveller" Sitting
Bull has his photographs taken three
times a week in order to prove that
civilized, nations as well as savages de.
light in t0rturing those in their power.
Binghamton Republican" London's
swell female society now leave their dogs
card with their own if making calls.
Some people don't care to what humila-
ton they subject dog.
The Judge Il wish | were muf, ="
said disguised poker player. why
so?" inquired his astonished friend.
Because then might have fair chance
of holding fair hand once in a while. J"
Phila. Progress" lie came to his best
girl and said, My dear, l failed, and
without waiting to hear the rest she said,
George, it is all over, Of course. can.
not be poor mans bride. What
George wanted to say was that he had
failed to see papa.
Puck" An Arizona sporting man
was inveigled into q church fair, and
induced 10 try his hand at the wheel of
fortune. la half an hour he had all the
money in the bank and mortgage on
the church. He very considerably gave
them back the mortgage, and in the flu
ture the church will choose its victims
with more care.
n. Y. journal" Little Boston Girl
Mamma DO you consider the expression,
eft to be an angel, correct English ?
Mamma-Certainly, my dear; why not L?
L. B. G.-Because. if my grammar is q
criterion it should be Fought to be an
angel"
Pittsburg "Teles graph See here,
Dir, Scales, said Mr.. Jarphly, impatiently,
eff you don't give me that pound Of bnt-
ter I'm going home Hold on, Mr..
Jarphly," demonstrated the grocer; the
boy is busy getting it, Don't go, you'll
only have short weight"
n. Y. Graphic" II have Just exc
cuted portrait Of Smith" said an artist
to a friend in the same profession.
Lucky fellow T. l can't get my picture
executed. "What do you mean p
THE Academy committee refuse to hang
it,
N. Y. weekly" The devil.fsh has
pretty powerful digestive organs, but not
so strong as those of the ostrich. In the
stomach of devil fish recently caught
near Washington was found brass
plate inscribed First L. S. Infantry"
If an ostrich had swallowed the soldier,
not even brass plate would have been
left to tell the tale
Oil City Derrick" As young lady
in Siverlyville was singing My Hearts
in tho Highland, a few evenings ago,
her brother remarked that there would be
more peace in the family if her voice was
there also.
n. Y. Tribune" A Brooklyn scien
tiflc gentleman has convinced himself
that in about 100000 years the earth
will be one gigantic iceberg. This
| offers a consoling reason for the
change in the record of political defeats.
Perhaps it was scheme to acclimate all
parties.
Don't Marry for Love.
In choosing wife, look sharp to the end,
And drive the best bargain you can;
And ease and contentment Will surely at
The one who shall follow this plan.
Beware of SLY Cupid, that slippery cuss.
Don't let him your heart-strings secure
He'll tangle you up I'm a terrible muss,
Then skip out the back door.
Fat living this Cupid can never scare up,
And that is what we all most desire,
And love without soup makes mighty poor
sup,
Ofwhlch We In short order tire.
| And Cupid loves children, a fact the world
Ger
His favorite gift to his tools
| He'll leave you dozen, perhaps many
more,
And you'u think you arc happy, pooI
fools.
And when he has got you right under his
thumb,
With nary dime for boost,
He'll skip, as we said, and will leave his dear
chum.
SIR Poverty, boss OF the roost.
The JUd0c.
IsnnnnP