The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-12-27

would say. But there probably IS soms
Ere where there Is SO much smoke" Thai
would settle it. Tommy would find it cecil
when he went to their HOUSES.
Il was quite pleasant surprise to find my
fathers oldest friend, Judge Waite, seated
III the private Office waiting TO examine me.
H seemed to be as much broken up abaut
it & l was, but waved me to seat AMI
turned back to highly excited man with
red head, who was relating CHASTITY yarn
which, it seemed to me, bore dim resem-
biance to my little adventure.
Eyes" he resumed, "there is no doubt that
it was young Mr.. Bouncer. My wife's maid
says she has been much annoyed by his
winking at her from his window, and she
positively recognized him as he STEPPED into
her room. She also states that he said he'd
salute her using soma pet names which she
faileI to catch, owing to her imperfect
knowledge OF Englisl. Then she screamed
murder and ran for me-"
Did any one ever hear such willful per-
version as that? began to feel like regu-
lar Don Juan.
"Can you explain this disgraceful affair,
Mr. Bouncarp inquired Judge Waite
sternly.
"Of course I can" I replied and went
over my dismal tale again. "As for the
girl" l eudei, Il never saw her. / felt in
tensely enthusiastic, owing to q combina-
ton of circumstance, and called out to the
moon, Diana, salute thee, or some other
nonsense. l didn't know / was not in
my room till / heard those awful yells.
Good joke, wasn't it, jud ge?'
joker interrupted the ed-haired man
furiously. Joke, he calls his highly prob
able story! Well, don't see the point.
Why, the young rascal has broke a good
$50 worth of glass in my conservatory.
Funny, wasn't it: And to make it moro
laughable, my wife and her maid have been
in high Mysteries all the morning. Iain't
got the humor to enjoy his fun and, by
Georgei somebody's got to pay"
At this juncture my father appeared with
a tragic countenance, and, petrifying mo
with stony glare, joined the melee. Then
the sport began. The injured Spuddings,
my father, and the judge engaged in spir
lied argument After two hours wrangling
a compromise was gected. My father was
to pay for any damages the Spuddings man
sion had sustained under my vigorous hand
/ ling. In addition to this he paid my fine
for being drunk and disorderly, smoothed
the irascible Spuddings down SO that he
+ consented to withdraw his charge, and re-
/ tired to make out his bill.
And then 1 got it, I've often heard my
father and the judge shout with laughter
/ over their college scraps, particularly one
| in which, being much exhilarated by a
/ "wine,0 they put M. goat in tho Presidents
/ room when he was asleep and screwed up
/ the door. They always recalled tha5
/ episode as a specimen OF refined
| college wit, and always added, with pride,
/ ave were rusticated for that" Yet they
/ fell on me like a ton of brick. I was the
/ greatest reprobate unhung. Fool, sot, IDIOT,
! soft, disgrace cowardIy, silly, abandoned,
| wanton, depraved, hopeless. From the
! foregoing adjectives you may imagine the
| style of their lecture to me, until they be-
! came exhausted By their own eloquence AMI
sent me home in cab, to pack up and pre-
/ pare for exile.
/ Lever and dozens of other writers fill up
! the lives of their heroes with such ad
| ventures as mine, AMI everybody, my
! relatives included, regards them as jolly
| pictures of the life of high-spiritei young
man. Yet they declare I've disgraced the
/ family
/ III OUT dining-room hangs q portrait OF
my great.uncle Rupert and I've often
/ heard my Aunt Tabby declare with pride
! that "he was an ancestor to be proud OF.
/ A hardy, free jovial fellow, who took his
/ six bottles after dinner and went to bed
/ under the table. AIR the good lady would
| sigh, eve have no such men nowadays"
/ Yet Oh hearing of my eScapade she retired
| 10 her room with YOung'S might
! Thoughts" and declared her heart was
! broken with tho disgrace.
Where's their consistency? Why 5
| everything always wrong for me and right
! for other fellowsa Why does our family,
| which has the reputation OF being tie old
est and most quarrelsome family in Phila-
delphia, become unanimous in sitting ON
me: It's tie only thing they ever do agree
/ about.
IdoI't blame the Wigginses for being
down on me. 1t was little rough on
/ Tommy, and got him in a good deal of g
row. But the whole city neei not have
fallen foul of me. Somebody might have
been just But what's the use of reason
ng2 It simply my luck. Circum-
stances, as usual, were too many for me-