Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1885-12-23
MALE AND FEMALE CRANKs.
Queer People Who Infest the Postofiice
Building.

The postollice building has miss
Elite" She differs in personal appear
ance from the lady of the court OF chan
cery, however, and her claim is against
the United States government She is
a trihe inclined to obesity, and has
large, oval face, in which flash eyes OF
Jet blackness. Her hair is black, and
is arranged in waves terminating in lit
tie curls. Her mouth is large, and
when opened, as it is most of the time
during her visits, discloses regular and
pearl-white teeth. Her summer dress
is of black silk, trimmed with lace OF
the same color, and neat gold pin
fastens q fluffy mass of the same about
her neck. Diamond earrings hang
from her ears, and on her hands she
sustains the weight of several thick
gold rings.
She first made her appearance III the
bio postoflice building about year
AGO, and has since circled through It's
corridors at frequent intervals in search
of someone to carry on her case, Tor
she expects Judgment against the
government just as soon as she can get
someone to argue her legal right to 1t.
Like her famous predecessor, she car
ries a small reticule, but there are no
papers in it. Simply handkerchief
and little powder. Her claim is an
intricate one-so intricate, indeed, that
no one can find out exactly what it Is.
Asst. Dist Atty. Fosters Intelligent
countenance and taking smile won the
attention of the lady, and, despite his
repeated assurances that it was his bus
mess to appear for the government and
not prosecute claims against 1t, the
lady insists that he shall be the leading
counsel in the action when it comes to
trial. Gen. Foster, however, in spite OF
his shrcwdness can not reach the es-
sential point of the case. 1t is bond
case, and $500, 900 is the amount that
the lady expects to receive from the
government. This is as near as anyone
has got to it yet.
"Why don't you get married, and
have your husband carry on your
case?" asked one of the assistants of
the lady.
ooh, I've thought of that, but I'll
wait till l get my money. When get
my claim settled can pick out whom
| I please she replied.
The lady at present is in distress over
the change of administration, and on
each visit asks the elevator men if they
are democrats.
Further affiiction has taken posses
sion of her at present because Gen.
Foster is out Of town on his vacation.
Another crank who hangs around the
buildings is an old man, who hobbies
about with a big Eastwood cane. He
first introduced himself with a conun-
drum by asking if sheol was down near
RockaWay. Since then he has flooded
the various department clerks with pa
pers closely written with jargon. He
has a grievance against Cleveland, and
wants the government officers to de-
nounce him and turn him out of his
seat on the "presidential bench,' as he
calls it. During the Fish trial one old
man with fair hair and wrinkled face
every day with the utmost regularity
took his place and listened to the vol
umes of testimony that were poured
out from the witncss-chair. Another
regular attendant is man about 20
years old, who takes an interest in
civil cases. He always shakes his head
when he enters the courtroom, and at
times during the arguments of lawyers
will shake it vigorously. He is some
what garrulous, and pretends he can
read the opinion of each juryman in a
case from the face as they stand up to
hear the judges charges. When the
verdict is not as he prophesied he
claims that the jury have been tempered
with.
United States Commissioner Shields
| is bothered the most with the postoffice
building cranks. One woman at inter-
walls threatens to have him removed I'M
less he issues warrant for the arrest
of the queen of England and COM
mences an action to cause her perman-
ent removal from the British throne.
An old man comes around occasionally
and makes the astonishing statement
that he, together with Asst. Dist. Atty.
Foster and the United States commits
sioner, own the world, and all that is
within it. He proposes that the COM
missioner take the command, and that
the treasury department be delegated
into his hands.
A young woman whose face was
not particularly attractive haunted
the building at the time the pre-
parations were being made for the
Grant funeral. She said she was
Miss Hancock, and wanted an Of
flee from United States Marshal Nc
Mahon. Afterward she became pos
sessed of the idea that she was a rela-
tive of Mrs. Surratt, and that it was
owing to her efforts that the statue of
Liberty was brought over to this coun-
| try. -NeW York times.