South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-01-23

Bob Jsgorsoll was occurring In Chscs.
90 and In eosss sloquensiy inpressive
Inquired: whist minister hes ever
doas - much Zoe tse world - Oar.
wisr Promptly . voice from the "a.
dieses rang oat. 'Burehsrd.' The reply
rather Knocked Bob out, hut he soon
riybted himself and properly EXPLAINED
that that vas not what he meant.
BANKING INTELLIo ENCg-He Wans
I'D position In an Austin Bank. The
Fresident VA sa.i.6ed with bis creden.
tisls but before engaging him. prt him
through little civil servics cross ex-
animation.
Suppose now . man wss TO come In
here TO deposit $50 in 81 bills. how
would you count ihemf
I'D We, my finger and lift up each
bill until got to the last one.'
Why wouldn't you Iift up the last
onep
Because there might possibly be one
more bill under il, and IL the depos.tor
Was to see It he wsul want it back,
but II tue twentieth bill 10 not fled up,
and there should be another bill, the
bank makes it. don't you see?'
'You will io said lie bank president.
You have been in tue business be-
fore.hut didn't su pose you knew thai
trick.'-Texas Siftings.
The following is literal Transcript
of . sign on . Pennsylvania village
store: Tea and 'raters. Sugar and
Shingles. Brickdust aud 'Lassss, Whis.
key. Tar and other Drugs
Sam OpFenhemer, OF San Antonio
was Que of he passengers on tie San
Syba stsge that was robbed few DAYS
ago.
Shell out your money or off goes
the top Of your heal remarked one of
the robbers, holding q pistol under
Sans uose.
Three hundred dollars wash every
cent ! got. 80 hellup me sh;miny
grashus.
Hand 'em over
Sam did On. keeping back IS.
What are you keeping back those SC
forSmildiy inqu red the robher, press
ing his pistol against Sans head.
'Mine Gou, dom; you let man take
out TWO per cent ven he advances money
mitout securilies9' asked Sam.
THK DRACoN's HAr-Cel. Yeroer NEE.
ting the Rev. Mr.. whangdo,dle on
Austin avenue asked him:
INV is your congregation coming
on?'
we am goin' right shesd, sab, since
We has quit passin' de hat We has taken
In lots Of money. De kerlecshuns has
Increased wonderfully sab, wonderful
ly.'
don't understand how you can
lake up collections il you don't pass the
hat
We passes de plate now
We'll that's the same thing "a pas
ing tue hat, isn't it?'
No, sab hit haint de same thing.
Decon Webster passed tie hat for noah
dan yeah, aid de kerIeCsbuns was
mighty small hut now passes de plate
myself, and lie money JUS rolls in. De.
plate AIN much more reliable dan ,e
hat
How is that?
Deacon W ebster put tar ia de top ob
his hat
Ii YOU are good boy where will Won
go asked? the Sunday school teacher
OF the new pupil. TO HEAVIER, nam
was the reply, Aud If YOU are IA,
where will you be sent TOP 10 b. d.
NAM
HAD REGULAR HABfr,.-A New
lork merchant called at the Office ui
brother merchant and sail:
"A young man named Smil hers he.
applied To me for a position. Was h,
not in your employ at one timer
Yes. sir; Mr.. Smitaers wa.
In my employment several months
HIS knowledge of business is truly won
derful. but wet excited nv admiration
most OF all ives bis puntualry.'
All !! ON glad TO hear hc is pune.
tual.'
Ycs, sir. HE puntualitv in comm,
20 lie store ore-tnlf hour TOO late ever,
morning 10 really wonderful. He !,
also very regula' 10 drawing bis sai,r,
in advance out Of the cish draser wher
nnhndY h Wal ,hinu Lin, An.lin c.