davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
rHE DAIRY.
Kindness makes gentle COW.

hluuHtcs iHdkc> d gentle sCR.
-First-class cows can be ratied cleap
er than they can be purchased. In fact
it is the only way to secure \ prime
herd.
-Dairymen are learning that it does
not pay to keep cows that are not well
bred. as the difference in Weld of. milk
from grade cows more than compen-
safes for the cost Of improvement.
The dairy may not pay in every
neighborhood Convenience to market
is essential; but on small farms. near
to market. perhaps no other business is
more profitable.
Often COW may be in the herd
that gives a large quantity of very poor
milk. Such a COW can be made very
profitable by making her raise calves
for the butcher AS soon as one is fat
tened sell it and make her take another
one. In this way she can raise four or
five calves, worth eight to ten dollars
each.
The attempt on the part of breeders
of Jerseys to bring them forward as
possessing desirable beef-producing
qualities will result in more injury than
advantage. The Jerseys have attained
a high reputation as undergraduates.
and any system practiced that tends to
make them desirable for beef will de-
tract from them as producers of butter.
In breaking the fresh heifers to
milk, the farmer does well to attend to
it himself, and use the utmost gentle
ness and kindness toward the timid and
oftinIes nervous brute. Viciousness,
which is sometimes exhibited at this
time, is almost always the product of
fear either for herself or offspring, and
can be overcome by gentleness.
Cows will always prefer ensilage to
dry food. In fact, all animals are par
tial to green, succulent matter in winter
whenever it can be procured. Even
supposing that ensilage possesses no
value as food. which is not the case, the
occasional change from dry to green
food promotes thrift, and consequently
increases production of milk, butter and
beef
Undoubtedly where cows are kept
to make the most of their milk and but
ter yield, it is best to have them come
fresh in the fall If the COWS are prop
erly managed they will give almost as
much milk as in summer, and at sea-
son when the highest prices can be OBJ
tanned This avoids the vexation of
trying to make and sell butter in the
heated season of the year. when the
markets are over-stocked and it can
scarcely be given away. = Western
Rural
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
MI.
Night City Editor,
Give us a pun.


Mr.. Commits suspicious were at once
aroused by this remarkable superscrip-
zion. Could it be that the man who
edited the city news was in collision
with some outsider who was sending
him "a first-rate notice" for insertion
in the news columns, smuggling it in
without paying duty at the advertising
deskP This was worthy of immediate
investigation. He Immediately sent for
the man to whom the package was adj
dressed and closely scanned his counte-
nance while the latter opened the en-.
velope.
And then the nature of the atrocious
attempt to tamper with the press was
made manifest. The contents were
two fragrant cigars, wrapped in piece
of paper, on which were hastily scrawled
the same words that appeared on the
envelope-''Give us d puff. 1t was
signed with the initials of ID. O'C.
Townley, writer (since dead) who
was at that time attached to the staff of
the Times. The laugh that followed
was at Mr. Commits expense
We'll" he said, joining in the gen.
eral hilarity Il think that is worth your
notice, and lighting one of the cigars
which was presented to him by the blue
pencil man of the City Room, he re-
sumed his duties at his desk.
Shortly afterward, entering the room
where the sub-editor was vigorously en-
gagged in boiling copy, apparently
deriving much aid and comfort in the
operation from the cigar which he was
silently putting while the smoke wreaths
curled above his head, like the steam
from any other boiler. Mr.. Conant said
"Well, l see that is sent up"
''Eh? what is?" asked the other.
Why said Mr.. Conant, pointing to
the fragrant clouds of tobacco smoke
that floated overhead that is. That is
scent up The joke was fragrant,
though timely, and to the man who, for
the moment, had rested under the faint
cloud of suspicion that was so speedily
dispelled, it has been fragrant memory
ever since.-N y Tribune.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
A QUIET MANS JOKE.
Amusing Incident of s. S. Conant's Extep
erfce ON 1.-THE Times" Recalled.

Amusing Incident of s. s. Conant's Exhept
erice on ..The Times" Recalled.
When Stillman S. Conant was man.
aging editor of the Times. short time
prior to the mysterious death of its
chief editor, Henry j. Raymond. bis
first name was regarded as by no means
a misnomer. He was the mildest-mafl-
nered managing editor that ever ordered
two-column article to be cut down to
a paragraph. But quiet as his general
demeanor was, he held the reins firmly
and sharply curbed any tendency to UNI
due freshness on the part of the editori-
al team that he was driving. He could,
however, take joke and match it with
another.
One cold night in the winter of 1869 the
box in which copy for the editor was
sent up stairs from the publication Of
flee suddenly shot up to the editorial
rooms, and a sharp ring of the bell an
nounced that it had arrived with some
thing in it. Mr.. Conant stepped to the
box and took out package. somewhat
bulky, that looked as if it might con-
tain something intended for publication.
Looking at it closely he read these
words on the envelope:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
ENGLISH COURTS.
How They Were Conducted Half Cent
ury Ago.

How They Were Conducted a Half Cent.
ury Ago.
Among the Judges and front bench
OF counsel there was grim priggish-
ness calculated to strike terror in the
hearts of juniors The number of
Queens Counsel was comparatively
limited. Serieants possessed the mo-
nopoly of the Common Pleas, and a
proper attention to the process of eat
ing beef and mutton, with the OCCASION
al addition of apple pie, qualified the
student to take upon himself the re-
sponsibilities of the bar. Competitive
examinations existed only in the womb
of time, yet the students, who nova
days would be considered semi-educa.-
ed lads, had furnished through past
centuries line of accomplished
Judges, splendid advocates, and sys-
tenn of judicature certainly SURPRISING
that of any other European country. It
may be doubted whether, if the present
restrictions had been in force, the pub
lie and the profession might not have
lost the services of such men as Erskine,
Wilde and Thesiger, with others who,
wishing to join the profession at COM
paratively late period of life, had
neither time Eor disposition to plod
through the studies of boyhood. Legal
habits were earlier in the morning and
later at night The courts commenced
at nine. and consultations were. NAV
say, almost invariably conducted at the
chambers of leaders in the evening. and
,Arnnffv,1aS Ia 1.
l remember being at late consul
tation with Mr. SERGEANT Wilde up
to twelve O'Clock at night. Sir Fred
erick Pollock told me that during
the terms and the sittings, summer and
winter. he reached his chambers at five
o clock in the morning, lighted his own
fire when necessary. At Che Old Bailey
the sittings continued from nine in the
morning until nine at night. The
Judges upon circuit, during heavy
assize, sat until very late and one can
scarcely wonder at the exhausted jury
men, who. during the address of Mr..
Crowder, one of the most amiable but
certainly not liveliest of men, lapsed in
to sleep which displayed itself in
notes somewhat antagonistic to the elo-
quence of counsel, and, when awak-
ened and stcrnly reb,fked by the Judge,
is reported to have said plaintively,
well, my Lord, have stood as much
'Crowdering' as any one.'' And it
must be admitted that at this period
the Western Circuit, notwithstanding
the occasional flashes with which the
future Chief-Justice enlivened its pro-
ceedings, was, if distinguished by its
Jaw, equally so by the ponderosity with
which certain Of its advocates developed
It. SERGEANT Bompas has lost his name!
and is only remembered as SERGEANT
Buzfnz, in Dickens's famous trial for
breach of promise. have heard him
upon two or three occasions--an earnest
advocate, with style certainly not
lively. He had a large business on
circuit. --SerjeGat Ballantyre, in Tenn
ne Bar.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
NUMBER %.
ScHooL AND CHURCH.

Professor Agassiz's gift to Harvard
College during the last thirteen years
amount to more than 100000.
The Missouri Legislature has passed
a law providing for the teaching in pub,
lie schools Of the effects of alcohol and
narcotics on the human system. ST.
Louis Post.
"A favorite copy set by writing
teachers for their pupils is the follow
ing, because it contains every letter Of
the alphabet: "A quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog" ~~>~s
1t Is stated that the average salary
Of the Congregational ministers of Con-
oecticut is about 1880. The lowest il
about $500 and the highest $1,000.
Only about fifty receive as much ~
@2,000.-N Y Examiner.
The Archbishop of Canterbury said.
in recen. address, that, while scien-
fists were great sticklers for revealed
knowledge or proven facts only, they
were forever prophesying the end OF the
Church. He begged them, therefore,
to be consistent and prophcsy only what
they had found out.
Ohio, with thirty-five colleges, has
more than any other State in the Union.
New York and Indiana have twenty-five
each, Pennsylvania has twenty-six.
Michigan nine and Massachusetts, seven.
The Bay States seven colleges have .
combined income Of 1925. 458 per annum
more than have Ohio's twenty-six.-
Cleveland Leader.
A Boston congregation was mystic
riously seized with paroxysm Of I'M
controllable sneezing in the midst Of
service of song. The preacher. the
choir, and the congregation all sneezod
in chorus. An investigation showed 4
cargo Of pepper in the cellar. which had
been rented to wholesale grocer. =
Boston journal.
The American School of Classical
Studies at Athens, Greece, was estab.
lished three years ago for the prosecus
ton Of classical study and archwolOgic.
al investigation, similar in scope to the
French and German schools already
thero. The latter are upon an endowed
basis and have, therefore, permanent
directors. The American school has as
yet no endowment, and the directors are
changed annually.-N y. Sun.
The Presbyterian mentions as
satisfactory way Of paying pastors
salary the plan followed by the Presby-
terrain Church In Palmyra, Mo. On tho
first day of each month the pastor
draws his check upon the bank for his
monthly salary in advance and the
bank regularly honors the check and
charges 1t up to the deacons. who are
personally responsible for the salary.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


-wnat IS the pest covering Tor the
neaas demands western journal. mar
Ism oao. ~ 4. Her"'d.
~ understand, Mr.. Einstein, your
son Marcus is stage struck. - Stage
struck! All, no; ne was yust run Offer
himself init a dray. --Erchaage.
IL there Is anything above ground
more thoroughly permeated WITH bliss
than woman Win new gown u
Doy VINO mas just learned 70 whistle.
A young man in Massachusetts has
adopted whistling for profession.
When he gets married, and the bills
oesln ~ conlc ~ nc VII nave lois OF
I nn ioi Pi"o''oc' -D"'''''y'o" rec
f'ess.
when you hire servant in Mexico
1t - with the understanding that her
entire FAMILY i've with you. In this
country there is no understanding, but
the result Is the same. Bnt1to Express.
In the matter OF speed the bicycle
ranks seventh-the balloon, the loco
motive and trotting, pacing and running
horses having faster records It ranks
seventh because lie will travel faster
WISH "AJ W o''s'''J0 ov"" 'ssf'
1t is all the fashion now to use little
gold mice for shoe fasfenings Gentle
men who are aware OF this fact can In
fuse life into dull social assemblies by
informing some healthy young lady that
there are dozen mice under her chair.
huntington Hdwkeye.
A man named Clews is wanted IN
the West for murder. He will NOT Iono
escape the vigilance Of The detectivess
There never was a mysterious murder
committed that the detectives didn't
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
LONGEVITY.

The Period and the Gin cumstances Attend.
Ing the Decline Of Human Vitality.
The human system Is so arranged
and designed that after the age of ma.
turity the decline then comm ences;
then downward tendency gradually
takes place. The Imagination and rea-
son then becomes weaker. and the
physical powers are slower and more
irregular and imperfect In their action.
In the former is observed depression
of the mental powers in the concen-
trating or abstracting of thought. In
the latter the nutritite operations are no
longer able to repair the waste Of the
body. At that time external impress
sions exert diminished influence, and
with the failure of perception the pow
ers of memory decline, the objects OF
early life being recollected last, while
those of later time fit away like sun
beams in the shade. Then the brain is
less capable Of receiving impressions,
because the organs of sense fail to dis
charge their functions. The sight be-
comes misty, the hearing dull; there is
an indisposition for exertion, desire
tOI IcpOSc. uc iuOTt6titt III UOW0S IS
greater than in the country: OF both
sexes % per cent. die before they are
year old. and 81 per cent before they
are years old. Male infants are more
liable to die Immediately after birth
than females. Nine-twentieths of the
whole number die before they are Is
years of age. The mortality among
girls increases between IA and 10, and
among men between q and 26. At
% years half the births are dead The
mean life is about SO years. The ca
pacity of the skull in the female is less;
the body is longer; the lower extrem-
tiles shorter; the skin thinner and more
translucent The strength Of the fe-
male to that of the male Is as 16 to rs,
Her muscles contract easier and are
more easily wearied. Her reasoning
powers are less vigorous. but her SEN
sations are more acute and her knowl-
edge more intuitive and instructive.
Phrenology shows her moral over her
intellectual nature. Her constancy,
warmth Of affections and attachments
are our solace, our trust and oOnfide nee
in gloom and misfortune. - philadelphia
CUH
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
WEBSTER AND HIS HEAD,

Ihe Picture OF One Time Sticky Boy
Mistaken for Design for Jupiter.
Webster used to drive in his gig from
Boston, and sometimes from bingham,
over the road to Marshfeld On such
occasions troops of children would come
flocking out and follow after him, SO
great fascination did he have for them.
And have seen somewhere how little
child, on entering the room where
Webster was seated, and, looking up
into his great soft eyes. ran instinctively
into his arms, as if yearning to get as
near as possible to his great tender
heart. As an infant he is described as
a crying baby who worried his parents
considerably. He grew up to boyhood
pale, weak and sickly; as he himself
told me. he was the slimmest in the
family. And yet by doing boys work
on his fathers farm. by induloing a
propensity for outdoor sports, by lead
ing a temperate and frugal life, he sue
ceeded in building up robust consti-
tuition. 1t was an iron frame, large and
stately, with great mountain of head
upon it.
When Thorwaldsen, the Danish scnlp-
tor, saw his head in Powers studio in
Rome, he exclaimed:
'.Ah. a design for Jupiter, see.''
He would not believe that it was a
living American. Since Socrates there
has seldom been head so massive.
huge. The coal-heavers and porters of
London looked on him as one of the
great forces OF the globe They recog-
nized in him native King. Carlyle
called him "a magnificent. specimen,
whom, as logic fencer or parliament
AIRY Hercules, one would incline to back
at sight against all the world" And
Sydney Smith said he was "a LIVING lie,
because no man on earth could be as
great as he looked. THE Century.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
ISLE OF JERSEY.
The Home of the Thoroughbred Milk Pro
ducing Animal.

The Home of the Thoroughbred Milk Pro-
dncing Animal.
The Island of Jersey contains less
than forty-siX square miles, or about
$4,000 acres, and yet, according to the
census report, it supports over $4,000
head of cattle, besides some 10000 peo-
pie, There are annually exported from
the island over 1000 head. Thus the
island supports two persons to every
acre and one COW to every two acres,
and exports one animal to every ten
acres, and as Mr.. Eugene j. Arnold
justly says in Belts Messenger, the sys-
tenn that will enable Jersey to do this
must be worth considering by the peo-
pie of other countries. He thinks the
Jersey COW has had much to do in en-
abling these favorable results to be ac-
complished. She is not bred to be
eaten; she is too valuable as butter
machine Then why should she be
larger? Where $4,000 cattle are kept
on six miles square and where rent
averages over forty-three dollars per
acre; where the farms are smaller than
anywhere else in the world, every farmer
works with his own hands, and instead
OF the island being eaten up with cows,
and the farmers beggars, the whole
island is little garden, thickly strewn
with comfortable, well-to-do houses and
homesteads ease and comfort are
everywhere, poverty and want unknown.
He does not claim that this is all the
produce of the cows but that the
farmers who have SO close fight and
are so successful must understand their
business, and do not keep 200 cows at
loss. All the beef for the people is
imported from France and Spain With
l.200 cattle they do not raise a single
bullock nor make a single pound of
cheese. The cows are reared and used
for the production of butter. and that
alone. The Jersey will yield more but
ter in proportion to her size and the
amount OF food consumed than any 9TH
er breed whatsoever. She rarely ex-
ceeds 800 pounds and scarcely averages
700, and yet plenty of cows are to be
found that yearly make more than half
their weight in butter She comes into
milk early, rarely past two years; often
before; gives richer milk, makes higher
favored butter, is docile and easily man.
aged even by children; and lastly, she
is equally at home in hot or cold wealth
er. He says the Jerseyman would be
hard-pressed to get along without his
COW. and challenges the world to pro-
duce her equal There is no doubt but
much Of the prosperity of Jersey for sew
eral years has been largely due to the
demand in other countries for the sur
plus cows Of the island, and the very
high prices that have been paid for those
1000 head exported every year.-Rural
Mem Y0rker
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
Al the Same to the Lawyer.

II called to consult you in regard 10
the Snow and Ice ordinance" he said.
rs he took seat in . lawyers ofIics.
III l fall down ON -'-
If you fall down on IN icy walk YOU
can bring suit for damages. Of course. .
Can. ehe And ! can make the tenant
payg'
I'm guarantee you can.
But this is 4 case when soma one
slipped down on my sidewalk -
'sAh! | see! Very we'll, air. Won
prove eOntributory negligence, and br,at
Linn higher than . kite What dai i
shs case ut forp' petrou Free pfess.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21
THE CORMORANT.
How the Chinese Train These Birds to do
Their Fishing for Them.

How the Chinese Train These Birds to Do
Their Fishing for Them.
The cormorant does all the work OF
fishing for his master, who has only to
take care of the boat. The birds stands
upon the edge of the shallop till the
boatman gives the signal. when they
spring into the water to perform their
task. As soon as they have captured a
large fish or filled their threats with
smaller ones, they return TO the boat
and their masters take possession Of
the prey. If they find fish too large
for one bird to take carc Of 1t alone,
two or three Of them will join TO assist
in bringing it in.
The cormorants are trained for their
business with great care. The most in
telligent birds are said to coiue from the
province of Che-Kiang. The eggs of
the first spring laying, which usually
takes place in February, are collected
and put under hens, the maternal love
of the cormorant being only feebly de-
veloped. The young when first Matched,
being extremely weak and delicate, and
prone to succumb to the slightest chill,
are put into wadded baskets, where they
can be kept at uniform temperature.
They are fed with pellets of beans and
finely chopped eel, till at the end of q
month, when, having become nearly
covered with feathers, they are given
the eel alone at the end of another
month they are able to eat small fish
whole, and are worth five dollars pair.
When they have got their growth,
which is about five months after they
are Matched, they are tethered by a
string tied around the foot on the banks
of a stream or a pond. The trainer,
stirring the water with pole, and
whistling an air which the birds learn
is the signal for take to the water"
throws in some small fish, which they
attack. with all the more voracity rs
they have not been too well fed. The
trainer then whistles another air, which
is to be the signal for coming back,
and, that the birds may not be mistaken
as to its meaning, he pulls at the same
time upon the cord that holds them
These lessons are continued for two or
three months. when the scene of the
practice is changed to the boats. and
at the end of another month the cord is
dispensed with. There are, of course,
differences in the capacity of cormo-
rants as well as of men. While the
stupid ones are sent to the pot, the most
sagacious and best trained male birds
are worth seven or eight dollars apiece.
females less. The period of service Of
the cormorants is short. They begin to.
lose their feathers and 10 go into de-
crepitude in their fourth year, and gen.
orally die before they are six years old.
M Maurice Janaetel, in Popular Science
Montblu.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21

a-gushin' over me, / was a. ts.kin' a sur
vey of things and a-sayin' to myself: This
house and all these fine fixin's is mort
gagged to Uriah Newrich. The mort
gage is eenamost out, it can't be paid,
and here is the incest kind of weddin'
present for our Serafnyr
Il dom spose | orter rejoice in no.
body's calamertv, but them Van High
tons has held their heads altogether too
high, and the Scriptur says: Pride goeth
afore destruction, and a naughty sperit
afore fall - Frances a. shan, in
Boston Transcript
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-03-21

The following published in an English
newspaper of January IL, l776. gives
the true origin Of the saying: He who
would makea pun would pick pocket. -
The aversion which Dennis bore to .
pun is well known. Purcell and Con-
greve, going into tavern, by chance
met Dennis. After glass or two had
passed, Purcell having some private
business with Congreve, wanted Dennis
out OF the room, and knowing no way
more efectual than punning, began to
pull the bell. No one appearing in an
swer, he put his hand under the table.
and looking full at Dennis, said: II
think this table is like the tavern
"Wky?" said Purcell. Because there's
never drGwcr in it, drawer in
those days was equivalent to the modern
term '.waiter.) The witticism had the
desired effect, for Dennis started up and
left the room, saying. s'that any man
who would make such an execrable pun
would pick his pocket. $50. Louis
Globe Democrat.