The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-06-19

beats yoursr said Mr.. spoopendyks,
kindly. "You won't cryP" and be
chucked her under tho chin, and
opened the stove door cautiously to Sc,
how affairs were progressing.
"'ll try not to-" replied Mrs
Spoopendyke, casting her eyes down.
and suppressing something that sound.
I'd like q sob.
Lets sec. You stick in a broom
splint, don't you, when you want to
know If the pie is donep Where's
your broOmP Show me the happy
broom that is to be immortalizcd BY
testing this grand apotheosis of pie!'
Mrs. SpoOpendykc produced the
broom. and the husband, carefully Sc
lccting one Of the splints, jabbed away
at the upper crust.
ut won't go in, +" he remarked, rath-
er dolefully. selecting another with
similar results. "The trouble is with
the broom. Haven't you got broom
that knows something about its busl.
ness. or Is this one of those pious
brooms that won't work on Sundays?"
and he broke up several more splints
in vain eudeavor to penetrate tho
pie.
"Hadn't you better try the handle,
dearP" suggested Mes. Spoopcndyke.
mo, lhads't better Try tho handle.
dearr' snimickc4 Mr.. Spoopendyke,
't"the out hcro, and let's SEQ what's
the occasion of this uncallcd for resist.
ance! and Mr.. Spoopcmdyke haulr..
his pic out Of the oven and tired il
down on the table. ''Got an idea that
you're going to be assassinatcd with Il
broom splint, haven't yc? Think
you're q sort of a bulwark II Attieri.
can liberties and bound To resent for.
eign Intervention, don't We? Well,
you ain't; you're only Il measly pic.
and you're going to lavo something
stuck in We, if it takes . cold chisel
and a cannon!" and Mr.. Spoodendyke
stabbed at IL with a fork, and then
with q chopping. knife, without pro-
ducing the faintcst impression.
You're up in pie, what dye suppose
is the matter wifi the thingg" he
asked. turning on his wife.
"If I'd been your mother, should
have put some lard in tho crust" re.
turned Mrs. Spoopen'iyke, compla.
Gently.
81 don't Know how you're going to
get lard in u crust that you can pene.
with a beyonet!' rctorted MIR. Spoo.
pendykc, upon whom it began to dawn
that there was a hitch somewhere.
I've almost forgotten how mothet
did try pies to see if they were done"
did she ever try u ulubp" inquired
Mrs. Spoopendykc, timidly.
mo. she didn't try Il club!' roarcd
MIR. Spoupcndyke. Come thithcr, my
gentle pie!" he howled, planting his
fist in the middle of the apparatus.
'Listcn to- the voice of tho siren in.
quiringly within! and he dropped it on
tho floor, and planted. his heel upon it.
'Front doc: closed for repairs; en-.
trance Mt the back" aud he kicked the
whole business to the ceiling.
''Your mother must have been very
vigorous for her age observed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, calmly.
'i'ts those gasted ltimps of meat"
snarled Mr.; Spoopendyke, picking up
his pie, and examining It's knobs and
bumps attentively. 81 thought they'd
melt when subjected to intense heat
Anyway, the inside OF that pie is all
right, ii could only get tho lid OIL.
Got anything / can get under the
edge and lift the roof off this business?
Gimme that can opener! Give wav,
now! Whoop! Once more! HI yah! All
together, now! Whe-e.e! There she
comes!" And the crush gave way re.
yealing chunks Of beef and apple par.
ings, half-cooked, and still steaming.
II suppose your mother put in the
spices and cider after the hired man
had wrenche,l the pie open," remarked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, solemnly.
''You do. do YEP" squealed Mr.
spoopendyke, sqatting down and
resting his hands on his knees. while
he grinned in his wife's face. "That
lump of quicksilver you call your
mind, has got around to where it
transacts the supposing business, has
it1 P'raps you don't like the pic! 1
s'posc you've got some fashionable no.
ton that yol, don't care to associate
with this pic!s Well. you needn't. /
don't force unpleasant acquaintance
on my wife. believe in making home
a paradise, doA Go forth, pie!'' and
he shied it through the window, glass,
sash, and all. THAT suit you?" he
yelled. 'Does your moral nature feel
relieved by the absence of the pie YOU
have been instrumental in casting,
upon the chilled charities of an un-
sympathetic worldp''
II guess that pie can take care of
itself" suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke,
soothingly. ."The next time | make
one, I'll try and have 1t just as your
mother used to-
you'll fetch it!' roared Mr..
Spoopendyke. stamping up and down
the kitchen and slapping the flour. Oft
his coat. "You never had any trouble
with things, after l had shown YOU
how! Some day Ill pour lard in your
ear. and spice in your eye, and leave
you in tho oven to reflect en- how uou'd
like to be cut off from intellectual SO.
cial intercourse, just because you amt
half baked!" and Mr.. Spoopcndyke
slammed the door. after him, and
mounted the staircase with heavy
tread.
1 don't care" murmurcd Mrs.
Spoopendyke. as she swept up the de-
drts. II don't care. Ii that is the
way his mother made pie, don't
wonder it !efta strong impression on
his mind"
And with this charitable view of
the situation. Mrs. Spoopcndyke sat
down to the consideration of whether
she'd better make a false train for
her new black Subsidiaries Travellers
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