Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-08-14
OUR KAIEIDOSCOpE.


The telegraph companies do business
with neatness, but not always with des-
patch.
1t is unnecessary to say that when a
man takes u pocket scale with him fish
ing, it is anything but the moral scale
There were fifty reporters at Mount
MacGregor when 1t was struck by light
ming. This accounts for the phenomenon.
There is one occasion upon which boy
is always "a boy all over and that is
when he mounts Il bicycle for the first
time.
Glass windows were first used in the
year llSO. Previous to that time, domes
tic affairs were observed through knot f,
holes
Drops of water falling continuously
upon II two-nch oak plank would wear Il
hole through it in about thirty-five years
Moral drink beer.
Lightning recently struck Il piano in Il
western town and shivered it to atoms.
We respectfully submit that lightning has
at last found its forte.
y Florida newspaper was recently eX-
changed for mule We imagine the
hard to edit as Il newspaper.
Martin Farquhar Topper, at the age of
seventy-five, has given up writing poetry.
We congratulate Mr.. Upper upon having
at last discovered his vocation.
y literarylman, who was asked to furn-
ish Il Shakcsperean motto to be framed
and hung up over the bar of n saloon, sug-
gested the words,--"As You Like It."
a syndicate of newspapers III New York
has hired Il band of professional men to
do funny paragraphs for all of them.
The chestnut crop will be bigger than
ever now.
1t is so fashionable to be bald in Paris
now that some society men have their
hair pulled out In such Il state of affairs
as this it is more economical to be married
than single
The horse fly, it is said flies on an aver
age three miles day If he only wouldn't
stop to rest 50 often, he would get over
more ground, and ld-headed men would
be infinitely happier.
/ Some boys playing on the beach at Il
fashionable seaside resort, picked up a
glass eye. Old ocean is getting little
too familiar. He used to be content with
spectaclcS and false teeth.
/ 1t is said that barbed wire fences con-
duct lightning. A man who has ever sat
down unexpectedly upon one of these nui-
sances will be convinced that they keep
lightning on draught all the time.
e The king of Bavaria, it is said, is so in
tatuated with music that he cannot en-
dure to be without it for ii moment. It's Il
pity he wasn't born in this country, where
every house keeps either cat or piano
The Austrian government has estab-
lished an office for the practical testing of
all patent medicines. The greatest pre-
cautions have to be taken, on the pant of
the testers, to guard against intoXication.
An advertiser offers gents mixed host
cry for sale Lots of gents who are wear
ing Il striped stocking on one foot and Il
white one on the other will be pleased to
know that the experience is not altogether
anomalous.
A scientist reports that careful expert
ments have fully established the fact that
the common earth worm, when decapi-
tated has the power of regenerating its
head In this respect, the earth worm is
more fortunate than the otiicehoder.
Since Ohio has stopped furnishing Presi-
dents for the nation, she has been obliged
to resort to other devices for Keeping her
self before the public. She now proudly
steps forward and occupies the front seat
with seven giants and eighteen champion
fat women.
The favorite drink of the girls-Pop,-
ST. Pau UCrdid.
Milwaukee claims to have gained -, 900
population in five years Her cemeteries
prove it.-DctrOit Free Press.
To get drunk whenever he pleases is one
mans idea of local option i'll the liquor
business.-N. .. PiCdylute.
Advice to housekeepers Put banana
skin under your thermometer, and see If
1t will bring 1t down. OnhCrS states
man.
> "The Night is Still" atlirms Edith NJ.
Thomas in Il poem We are glad that
Edith lives in II catless neighborhoOd.-
a ButulO Express.
+ The thimble has only been in use about
POO years. Previous to that time a boy
; head had to be thumped with something
/ else.-ChiCugO LCddCr.
= 1t is turning the thing about when
: Mississippi negro sets Il bear-trap in hi
= melon patch and wakes up to find whit,
| man caught i'll its jaws.-DCtrOU Free
Press.
Who can tell the anguish of maiden,
2 soul when she discovers that her summer
parasol is beginning to fade and she il
p without the means to buy another Dos
. tan courier.
: a story is going the rounds that {
, woman in car gave Booth, thaactor -,
for a kiss. Determined not to be under
: sold, our price hereafter will be only $40
Philadelphia CdU.
q The new capitol building for Texas il
q to be built by convlcts. If the convict
4 could be detailed to run the Legislature
d there would speedily be no further use To-
f honest men in the State.-NcW OrlC0n
o PiCdylilC.
+ Come, Jennie come see the man, het
getting milk out of the cows handles,
- shouted little city girl to her companion
{ the other day as their farmer host begal
: to milk one of his crack cows,-Nct
IS York TribUHC.
[, Tho naUnatic bonnpt is the latest frpal