News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-08-27
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
SOMETHING TO READ DURING THE
WARM WEATHER.
ihe Town Marshal Direct Evidence-Thc
farmer's Lne-A Letter to the Governor
Too Orderly-A Happy Father, ETC.,
Etc.
LETTER TO THE GOVERNOR.

farmers Life-A Letter to the Goyerns
TOO Orderly-A Happy Father, Etc.
Etc.
LETTER TO THE GOVERNOR.
Simon Gardner, citizen of Blossom
Cove, Arkansas, recently addressed the
iolloWlng letter to the Governor: 81
nave this here day named a fine boy
a1ter you. He is as lively as harvest
nand S appetite and can squawl louder
than a goat. How 1 do wish you could
see h1m. His mother was dead set on
naming him after his Uncle John be-
cause John keeps a store, but l SAYS,
NO; no, mother, says l, we will name
him after the Governor of this here
State. We amt never showed our re-
spect for none of the Governors, and it's
high time, let me tell you.' What's
the use in naming him after the Gov
ernora' says mother. He will forgit it
In i've minutes and never will send the
child nothing and he is needing of
everything Tut, mother, John won't
give him anything Yes, he WILL
mother says. John will do the right
thing, see if he don't 1 wouldn't give
In, though, and now the child is named
after you. How l wish you could see
MN. 1t would tickle you mighty nigh
to death. He is mighty scarce O. duds,
put he's got voice like calf. He is
the peartest chap ever seen in my born
days. Mother wants to bet me that YOU
won't send him nothing, but l don't
pet sense l tuck to preaching. She
lows that you air stingy, but i know
heap better than that. If YOU want to
uIsappolnt mother send-I was going to
say send down something, but never
mlnd. How do wish YOU could see
him" ".-Arkansao 7raoeler.
THE TOWN MARSHAL.
IN TINS country there may be man
who is more important than the VILLAGE
town marshal, but he rarely shows him
self. The successful town marshal must
be man who is opposed to all forms of
manual labor. He talks of the work he
mas performed, and he has habit of
calling all other men lazy. He carries
hckory club which he cut con the knob
out here near old Mat Taylor's place in
let me see-ffty-six Among small
boys he is hero, and by them his seiz-
ure of drunken man is looked unon as
an act of bravery In the summ.r he
goes In his shirt sleeves; in the winter
he wears long, brown overcoat. He
was never known to arrest a wealthy man
nor member of the town council. He
Is close friend of the village editor,
and he exchanges bits of criminal news
Tor complimentary notices of himself
tie likes to sit in the shade, and with
his stick, make triangular marks on the
ground. 1t is on such an occasion that
he looks up and says: "Jim, lemme try
your tobacker. ."-Arkansa,o Traueler.
IN TOO MUCH HASTE.
''Father has failed, you know,
George" said Clara, looking up into his
eyes, "and-"
"No, I didn't know it." replied
George emphatically, at the same time
rapidly disentangling himself and look-t
ing about for his hat. ''Yoa will havei
to excuse"
Eyes" went on the girl, ''father has
failed and has settled with his creditors
at seven cents on the dol"
NAY, dearest" interrupted George
passionately, as he resumed his former
position, 'why discuss such sordid bust
ness matters on a night like this? Let
us speak of love, and the happiness the
future has in store for both of u.s."
THE FARMERS LIFE.
The farmer leads no E life; the @ D
sows will rot; and when at E V rests
from strife his bones all A K lot. In ID
D has to struggle hard to E K living out:
if l C frosts do not retard his crops
there'll B A drought. The hired L P
has to pay are awful A 2, too; they G K
a rest when he's away nor N E work
will do. Both n q he cannot make to
meet and then for A d takes some
boarders who so r 7 eat & E no money
makes. Of little q c finds this life;
sick in old A G lies; the debts he o q
leaves his wife and then in P G dies.
H. G. DODGE.
BRINGING HIM BACK TO LIFE.
An editor lay in an unconscious con-
ditlon, and for some time 1t was feared
that he was dead.
"Can't you rouse him, doctorG" was
anxiously asked.
mo the physician replied, 81 fear
that life is extinct"
Then the editors assistant bent over
and whispered in his ear:
"a gentleman wants to put an adver-
tisement in the paper"
Immediately the unconscious mans
face showed signs of returning life, and
struggling to a sitting posture, he said
feebly:
GLOW many linesF'
EDUCATIONAL NOTE.
A student at the University of Texas,
who had been leading rather dissi-
mated life, wrote to his father, one of
the most respectable citizens of Dallas,
saying:-
III had the misfortune to be upset in
a boat while out rowing on the Colorado
River. lost the beautiful watch which
vol gave me- would like some money
to hire a man to dive for it."
The old gentleman, who was no fool,
replied
ait is not worth while diving for it.
It might as we'll be in soak in one place
as another - Texas Sttings.
SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE.
Gentleman-What are you doing now
adays, Uncle Rastus2
Uncle Rastus-Ise workin' fo' Sam
Jones, sab.
Gentleman-What at2
Uncle Rastus-Pickin' black berries up
on ole Mrs. Browns pasture lot.
Gentleman-Doesn't Mrs. Brown OBJ
ject to it2
Uncle Rastus-She doan' knowit, sab.
Gentleman-What does Sam pay you
for picking Mrs. Browns berries?
Uncle Rastus-He lows me half what
I pick.
WHERE HE DWINDLED.
"What kind of man is he Good,
bad, or Indifferent 2"
"Wen, that depends a good deal on
who teeters on the other end of the
plank with him"
GLOW so, sir ?'
"Well, if , on size him up alongside
of Judas Iscariot he looms up middlin'
fair; but when you come to get him
down between such fellers as you and
me, Judge, he does dwindle terrible sur
prisin'-he does, for fact. y Chicago
Ledger.
ENTIRELY TOO ORDERLY.
Merchant-'I like your looks my
boy, and perhaps L can find work for
you. You are quite orderly, do you
think ?'
Boy-"Oh, yes"
"You have place for everything"
ooh, yes. l have a great many places
for everything. .'-Philadelphto Call.
NOT TO BE IGNORED.
Big Sister shouting to Bobby)-Bah-
bee You are wanted to do an crrand.
Bobby shouting back)-Tell mother