Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-09-27

/ coxEDY IN TWO ACTS.
tchamben's Journsl.l
ACT I.

"A bad one 80 angrily exclaimed MT
Christopher Chuckles ~ he completed
ne chipping Of his first egg ct break
fat. It the same moment inhaling ~
aroma which strongly pointed 70 'ne
conclusion that the albuminous proauc'
had been 4 very undesirable length o.
tine "a absentee from the nest.
"Try another, dear" was the com
mo,-ssnse suggestion Of the gcntleman's
Her lord and master grumblingly re.
plied but almost shouted out in MS
v,,th when he became aware Of the un'
cIessant fact that Egg No. 2 was just
= ancient q shopkeeper " as its pre-
S.ccssor. II will stand this sort o
thine no longer" he exclaimed ii
4 only BY the merest chance | ever OBJ
tain eggs fit for Q Christian to eat 4"
.Pspa, dear, how dreadful you ar
70 be sure, - pouted pretty Mary Ellen
aged twenty-five, the sole offspring o.
the Chueklescs.
christopher" demonstrated MRS
Chuckles, although you may have
some slight grounds Of complaint,
think IL would be more seemly were
YOU TO restrain those violent outbnrsts
ofill temper"
Madam said Mr. Chuckles, in his
erimmest manner, ~ will not discuss
Win the Illogical female mind the reia-
i've force Of language. had much
,,ther discuss my breakfast--that is, oil
course, should I DO fortunate enough 70
discover anything that is edible" And
the irste Chuckles proceeded with saw
srs impetuosity to operate on Egg
No. 3, which, luckily for the further
harmony of the family breakfsst-tabie'
turned out fairly satisfactory. -,
After q few moments had TRANQUILITY
sped their soothing course Mr.. Chuckles
suddenly threw himself back in his
cspscious chair, q radiant glow Of salts
faction spreading over his by no means
attenaated features.
"Oh mamma, DEAR" gleefully ejacu-
lated Mary Ellen, "see how pleased
papa looksl shouldn't wonder if he
were going to tell us that he will take
us scmew here for . days outing. l
vote for Brighton by the express"
Mrs. Chuckles, though equally
pleased with her daughter to see the
"wreathed smiles" on her husbands
face. RETAINED from hazarding an opin-
ion as to the probability Of that worthy
volunteering to escort his family upon
. days pleasure.
Mr.. Chuckles remained perfectly OBJ
liyious TO the idea that he had raised
any pleasing anticipations whatever in
the minds of his wife and daughter,
but. with his eyes fixed upon the cell
ing, appeared to be solving a mental
arithmetical question. At length he
broke the silence by abruptly exclaim-
ing: "Yes, Ill do i'll"
"po what?" simultaneously and
eagerly inquired his snticipatOry audi
tors.
.Lay-my-own-eggs," delibe-
rately and with emphasis replied Mr..
Chuckles, the benign smile on his face
giving place to an expression of calm
authority.
"Reaily, Christopher" said Mrs.
Chuckles in deprecstory tone. show
can you talk such rubbish?" while
Mary Ellen stared in manner that sug-
gested lurking doubt in that young la
dy's mind as to her fathers sanity.
Maria, when l announce my deter
mination to produce my own eggs, |,
Of course, speak allegorically, and in.
tend to convey to your intelligent mint
that I merely meant to adopt such mea
sures as shall insure for our table {
regular supply of fresh-laid hens
mean eggs. In short, my intention Il
to keep poultry"
Indeed" was the monosyllabic re
mark of Mrs. Chuckles, and that in
tone sufficiently icy to have frozen thu
cream in the jug.
"0h, papa" demonstrated MarI
Ellen, "what will become OF my nic'
flower-beds ?"
~ don't know, my dear" replies
her father with callous indifference
"most probably they will remain
where they are"
Shave you calculated the cost
Christopher. dear. of each egg whe
laid by ones own fowls? asked Mrs
Chuckles.
"Ah, "returned the intending poultr
farmer, ~ was expecting that que:
ton. 1t is a regular stock one, Away
trotted out with the intention of crush
ing the party to whom it is propoundet
But am not going to be crushed by i
You must DO aware, Maria, that hay
many acquaintance in the grain trade
therefore, see no diiliulty in bein
able to procure at the merest trit
Of cost, il any at all, the quantit
Of corn they will be expected to col
sumo. Samples, samples, Maria !
and the willy schemer INDUCED in
quiet little laugh, and rubbed h
hands together with subdued ecstac.
"And,- he continued, "when the birC
have ceased to furnish the breakfas
table with the nourishing egg We ca
make them serve US yet another tut
by introducing them into the interi
of q pie-dish. Chicken pic, eh, NJ
ria?"
Chicken pie !" exclaimed Ma
Ellen, in tone Of voice not altogeth
devoid Of incredulity.
"Ostrich pie" suggested MI
Chuckles, "would perhaps be mo
appropriate name for the dish you ha
In view"
"Maria, Mary Ellen, despite yo
covert sneers," exclaimed the irritat
Chuckles, ~ am fully determined
become proprietor Of cochin chinas
At this moment q diversion to
family controversy was caused by
loud ringing Of the street-door bell.
"1he postman," confidently p
dicted Mary Ellen.
"Ahin said her father, ~ v,
much suspect you are anticipating
arrival Of letter from that jackanaI
Frank Featherwell. But let me
you this, once and for all, that that
dividual will not suit me for son.
law"
"0h, papa, every body says 4
E~>~L-f .o..r AZ. Cn.tbo-.r.l1-.