The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-09-26
Philadelphia Times.

Philadelphia Times.
"Cranksl" said one of the bright
and good-looking guards at the Broad
Street Station "this is the very para.
disc for cranks. There must he some
attraction for them here amid the tur-
moil of this scene. Perhaps they enjoy
the gentle snorts of the locomotive as il
puffs in or out of the depot there. 1t is
not the cranks that monopolize our
time, either. There is glorious army
of fools which the Pennsylvania Rail
road Company has been supplying with
brains for several years past. 1t ought
to send its bill in to the nation, like
Grants undertaken, and it shouldn't be
less than $50, 1000. Carlyle use to say
England had population of IS, 600, 900
people, mostly fools. My experience
here leads me to think much the same
of this land of the free, the home of the
brave and the asylum of the crank. l
have seen some queer sights since my
service as guardsman here. Many years
ago served at Charing Cross Station,
London, but, my oh, John Bull takes
travelling methodically and you can't
throw him off his base. He and his
luggage, bath-tub and all, come and 20
with as much imperturbability as that
Reynolds statute over there in front of
the Public Building exhibits. But the
American public when about to travel
seem to lose their wits.
81 see strange things in this depot
from day to day. The handsome young
girl who shot herself last week over
there in the ladies' retiring room was
one of the episodes of this pleasant duty
of ours-furnishing brains for the null
titude. Now ten minutes ago I yelled
out, Train for Media, Wa-Wa juno
ton, Avondale and Oxford 7 in my
most captivating manner, and the echo
had hardly ceased up there in the cell
ing until lady came rushing up to me
and asked: docs the train for Media
stop at Wa-Wa7"
"It takes surgical operation to get
Signboard information into a woman S
head, and as for time tables and sched-
ules don't believe there's a woman in
America, not even Miss Cleveland, who
ever attempted to understand one. They
won't take the trouble. A woman will
come in the greatest excitement up to
the gateman and ask him, where do 1
go to get on the Germantown train p
when right over the mans head is sign
with letters on it half-foot long say
ing: This train for Germantown.
Then there's the woman who will insist
on going through the wrong gate. She
is generally young and pretty and the
gateman hates to intimate to her she's
a fool all the same, but he must finally
tell her she is at the wrong gate. Then
there's the dude in high collar, with
tennis racket strapped to satchel, puff
ing cigarette; he never has his ticket
out, but fumbles for it a half-hour at the
gates, delaying the whole crowd behind
him until you hear Chester county
country gilmore slangy than polite
in the rear whisper to her companion,
Somebody ought to slug the fool
"You see over there, to the right of the
station, is the Exit 1t greatly facili-
times that all persons should pass out
that way. Nine-tenths won't do it, but
push their way through the waiting
room. The man with the legion of bun
dies, the woman with the dog, the boy
that knows more about railroading than
his father and the girl in the ladies'
room who firts with the gents in the
waiting are here every day. An Amer
ican girl when travelling seems to think
she has born right to firt."
"What train takes out the largest
number of people7"
"Oh that would be hard to tell.
suppose trains on the Central Division
run heaviest. The New York express
and the limited have the toniest people
on them.
"There was queer crank here few
days ago. He sat with notebook and
pencil studying, hour by hour, that big
map on the wall, and when l questioned
him l found he was crazy on the subject
of civil service examinations and was
studying up to pass. Every day nearly
there is a dispute over at the package
room with the man who insists on
checking five or six different satchels
and bundles on one check. The man.
who-has-lost-h his ticket is an everyday
occurrence, and even the woman-who-
has-lost her baby is common. Drunken
men are not frequent, being watched
for below and forbidden to 60 through
the gates.
eyes, it's great place for people
and to see noted characters. George
w. Childs, A. J. Drexel, Daniel M.
Fox, Ex-Governor Hartranft, Colonel
Mcclure, James McManes, Field Mar
shall Cooper, B. K. Jamison, Wayne
MacVeagh, the Wanamakers and many
of our prominent business people pass
in and out here almost daily. Hardly
a day goes round some national charac-
ter is not in the station. Cleveland
was out in the depot few weeks since
en- route to the Grant obsequies. Vice
President Hendricks is here frequently.
knew and met Odlum here when on
his way to jump off the Brooklyn bridge.
Colonel Quay, Chris Magee and all the
Harrisburg crowd of politicians we
know by sight.
"The summer travel this year ha:
been quite great, but didn't set in til
later than usual. But you must excuse
me, there's Detective Taggart noddine
10 me. 1 guess he spotted some crank
or crook and wants my help to fire him
out"
B@"Ah, Job," said Mrs. Shuttle, a:
she wiped her glasses, 81 see that the
Goddess of Liberty has arrived in thi:
-1,,ot-,, GCVac x,ac ~ raD1;ad Toh