The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1885-11-07

marks to show future plying genera"
tons the course it had taken.
Then l got mad. The idea Of a little
machine not able to stand on the tioor
without something to holdit, having the
impudence to use me in that familiar
manner. II was too much formy usual
good temper, and if had not been too
busy extracting the leg of the machine
from my mouth, would certainly have
made use of some very un-Sunday-
School-like remarks. As. it was, |
thought considerable. My ear was still
tingling with the effects of very loving
embrace. 1t tingles at the touch yet,
from the same cause. rFe
AS said before, l did not swear, for
the very good reason that l couldn't. |
never yet saw man who could spit out
a decent cuss word with one corner
of an outrigger, sliding-seat, rowing ma
chine jammed firmly in mis- face. But
my thoughts would look awful in type.
In fact do not think they could be ex-
pressed in print under any considera-
ton.
While the female portion of the family
was giggling and the other part roaring
outright, proceeded to arise, and after
getting myself from between the floor
and my tormeLtor, succeeded in doing
so. The first thing / did then was to
relieve my feelings. This did in such
an energetic manner that the atmos-
phere in my luxurions boudoir took on
fine ultamarine tint, and some lu-
offer matches lying on the gold-trimmed
marble mantle were ignited.
After administering this much-needed
relief to my outraged feelings, / pro-
ceeded to arrange things. My dander
was up so high that it got tangled in my
beautiful, coal-black locks, and was
resolved to ride that many-named fiend
of a machine or die. / shudder now to
think of the odds that were in favor of
my dying.
After little investigation I found the
cause of my misfortune to be a small,
innocent-looking eyebolt with which |
did not fasten the machine to the floor.
The bolt feeling sighted, no doubt, had
taken revenge by allowing the machine
to act in the outrageous manner in
which it did
However, after properly adjusting the
eyebolt and making sure, as | thought,
that everything was all right, l again
took my seat with iust-see-how-e easy
tits look on my classic features. For
the second time | grappled with the oars
and swung grandly and majestically
into motion. For the first two or three
strokes everything went along as
smoothly as fat man on banana peel.
Then something seemed to give way.
The machine had evidently woken up
to business after the quiet little nap it
had taken on my shirt-bosom, and had
settled right down to arealization of the
fact that it had mission in this life to
perform-and meant to perform it. | do
not know exactly how it happened, but
when loving hands had picked me out
of the plate-glass mirror and tied a
string around me to keep the pieces TO-
gether, had faint idea that my ma
chine had challenged dynamite factory
to play base ball, and that | was umpire
in the game that followed.
NY ambition to become a great oars
man evaporated fight there. Mean
while the machine stands, or rather lies,
Just where it landed after the little toot
nobody in the house having the courage
to approach it. If any of the Sun''
readers wants to buy nice, gentle
easy-going young rowing machine
strong, reliable and every way true
trained to single or double harness, anc
warranted docile and to keep in any
climate, he may be able to arrange very
advantageous terms by calling on
10 QUINN, Charity Hospital.
-Peck's Sun.