The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-03-27
VARIETIES.

| Lady Constance OrmOlu-"But where do
| you manage to get such exquisitely lovely
| types of female beauty for your pictures, Mr..
| Sopeley?" Mr. Sopeley, putting up his eye
glass and gallan,ly fixing his eye on her lady
| ship-"1 keep my eyes open and look about
mel"
MIR. Pendergast-"I see young Thurston
is to be tried for forgery. thought he would
| have had more respect for his good name"
| Mrs. Pills regard for his good name is
| what got him into trouble"
How do you make that appear? ?"
"He used somebody else's name"
-"Prisoner" said Prosecutor Buxton,
| you are charged with gambling" Gam
bling What is gamblingg" Playing cards
for money" II played cards for chips"
well you got money for your chips at the
end of the game, didn't your" "No; l didn't
have any chips at the end of the game"
-"Just listen to this, Martha 7" exclaimed
MIR. Jarphey, who was reading his evening
| PAPER, zone of the dogs at the London prize
show is valued at $4,000! Good gracious
That's more money than ever expect to be
worth in my life"
"Some dogs are worth more than others,
Jeremiah" quietly remarked Mrs. Jarphey.
Proud Mother-"Do you know, dear, l
believe our baby will be a singer, perhaps
great tenor like Brignoli or Campanin o.
Tired Father-"He strikes high mighty
| often, il that's what you mean"
Yes, the tones are sweet and shrill, hope
we will be able TO have his voice cultivated
in Europe"
by Jove good idea. Send him now"
"A citizen who had been playing poker
the night before dropped blue chip into the
contribution box by mistake. After service
he went to the deacon who had passed the
plate and told him of the mistake. $50 I'll
just give you dollarin its place." he said,
and we'll keep the matter quiet" mo, you
don't" replied the deacon, ignoring the mon
ey offered "that's blue chip. It's worth five
dollars"
Major Stout "a Republican, to Col. Slim,
DemocraD-'1 say, kurn,l, has President
Cleveland replied to your application for the
Collectorship of the pors of Galveston ?"
Col. Slim-"l haven't had any reply from
Grover yet. can't understand the delay"
Major Stout-"Its hardly time for you to
hear from Cleveland. Iappied to President
Arthur Tor postoffice three years ago, and
he hasn't answered my letter yet"
81 was rich once and drank wine," said
tramp as he poured out stiff drink of gin.
when was that p demanded the bar
tender
"a good while ago." he replied, wipng
away tear.
We'll, what are you crying about ?"
I'm crying to think what fool l was to
drink wine when might just as well have
had gin"
1T seems to me-" said Bulbus, moodly.
that everybody in the world has good luck
except myself"
"You are certainly under the weather
now" remarked kindly acquaintance; "but
things may improve"
mo; they never do. No use hoping" an.
swered Bulbus Gisconsolately, feeling in his
empty pockets. Now, there is my next
door nelghbor, Bings. Look at his luck"
"Why, he is dead"
"1es, but he was drowned in a beer vat.
while cant raise money enough to buy
single glass"
The Rev Mr.. Megsoul rented small
field and decided to raise a crop of cotton.
He employed an old negro who had worked
Tor many of the planters, and treated him SO
kindly that the old fellow was astonished.
Such treatment soon became tresome. One
day old Dan approached Mr.. Megsoul and
said:
Look heah, boss, what sorter man is
yerse'f, nohow?"
"A Christion, l hope"
"Zackly, sab OATS what lowed. Tuther
day when let de mules jump inter de field
yer said nothin but tut tut, tut"
Eyes, | remember "
"Zackly, sab. An de udder night when
forgot to lock the smoke house an somebody
stole de meat yer didn't say nolhin' but tut,
tut, tut"
"Wel, what of that, DAMP"
"Why, yer oughter cuss."