Cheyenne transporter. [volume] (Darlington, Indian Terr.) 1879-1886, 1885-08-15
WiIted Ambitions.

i conceived DTlRnt luca-lJ Struck
me suddenly in the middle of the
afternoon-and 1 set about it at once,
! went through all the antique diction-
aries, heathen mythology and ancient
spelling books in the public libraries,
and after careful research, in such
books as "Mother Goose" and 1.-The
House that Jack Built" felt that I
had paid proper respect to the muses.,
had courted them long enough to sit
down and be inspired; and l was, for
determined to spring pet goat upon
my publishers. / began my task lit
orally bursting with wonder and ad-
miration at my own genius. l went
on with my work, swelling with pride
and egotism, as in my minds eye l
could see Mark Twain, Josh Billings
and all the other noted humorists
Knocked out OF time and retiring to
private life, green with envy. Surely
this goat would render me immortal;
could see him galloping down to pos
terity at the rate of forty knots an
hour. My pet Goat ( spelled it with
big G) had Just laid out his purchas-
er, MIR. Broadside, ana was Just pro-
pairing to pay the same delicate atten-
tion TO Mrs. BrOadsidc, when / was
compelled to lay down my pen and
luxurate in unstinted mirth; I could
see the great reading public all over
the country, convulsed with laughter
over the playful idiosyncracies of MIR.
Broadside's pet goat, and with all the
impatience of genius, and yet with the
unbridled thirst of youth, linked to
age, for applause, seized my pen and
plunged into the vortex of my joke.
The goat telescoped Mrs. BrOadside
and affably scuttled the balance of the
family; then wrote finis, scratched it
out and substituted gudnttm Sufcit,
then laid down my pen with a chuckle
of supreme satisfaction.
In the first flush of triumph, over
the completion of my article, pro-
nounced it perfect; but, after care
full perusal, discovered a few errors
in the technique and some phsycolog-
ical inaccuracies, not enough periods
and too many hyphens. After care
fully revising, remodeling and re-
vamping, it was ready for the press.
/ rose up gayly in the morning of
the day, when l intended to send it off
to the lucky publishers, singing
snatches of old biblical songs while
parting my hair in the middle. 1
gathered round my family board and
met my nearest relations at an early
breakfast. All went merry as mar
rlage bell until the arrival of the post
man; among the numerous papers,
which he left, / opened a SifingS,
and with distended eye and paralyZed
comprehension, | beheld goat hold
ing high carnival with an old gentle
man and what there was left Of the
trousers of a small boy; l leaned back,
literally gasping for breath; then in a
dazed manner, opened Washington
Hdtchet, and-O horrors! staring me
in the face was a goat, rampant and
occupying all the available space
around him, and what appeared to be
the wreck of secondhand clothing
store. Half maddened, | clutched the
third paper and with milling hands,
laid 1t open upon the table, and again
the ubiquitous goat came to tho front
playing leap frog and toss and catch
with the best baby, whose father and
mother, in the back ground, were in
the act of scrambling to their feet to
fly to the rescue of their imperiled
innocent.
could bear no more; with gasp
ing sigh | fell forward on my face
when / came to | was assisted from
the breakfast room n wiser but madder
man, the victim of blasted hopes and
shriveled ambition.
a year and Il half has elapsed since
then. The wound has healed, but the
scar still remains. | have had Mr..
Broadside and his Pet goat on my
hands ever since. Will some kind
hearted editor tell me what to do with