Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1885-06-12

THE COLUMNS or Jun H-ACAAf-4Ne
Mixed Crowd-The Policeman The
Printer. the Buster, and the Lamp
Post-A sniIOr-WOrllinE for IN object
Etc., Etc.
THE LAMP POST.
sTn tell you funny story about a
fat printer 1 knew once. He had
linen duster that was a mile too big for
him and he was full. What mean by
that Is, Ge was drunk, and awtully
drunk, too. Two Of his companions
were trying to get him along, when they
met a third party, who aSited them IN
to drink. The fat fellow mt able TO
stand alone, they didn't wan let him
fan. and he wouldn't sit doV. von the
curbstone until they came out, 50 they
deliberately pulled him over to lamp
most and buttoned him around it by his
duster. while they went in the saloon.
II was the funniest sight / ever saw. 1t
was moonlight. The fat fellow had lost
his cap. and the moon glistened and
sbone on his bald head like dew on q
flower. When his friends came out OF
the tavern they found him all right, as
erect as the lamp post to which they had
fixed him.
A MIXED CROWD.
The Austrian Empire is composed OF
nuite a number OF different national
tiles. among them Poles, Hungarians,
Bohemians and Croats, the character
istics Of which are portrayed in the fol-
lowing anecdote:
-Four Austrian soldiers were quartered
over night at the house Of a peasant.
In the morning after they had resumed
their march the Pole said:
"Comrades, that peasant had very
fine watch. al.
1--WE should have taken it along with
rs" observed the Hungarian.
GIVE got the watch" said the Bone
milan. :,
now" remarked the Croat, closing the
debate. He had already stolen 1t IRON
his comrade, TeTas Sftings.
WORKING FOR AN OBJECT.
A Philadelphia oil broker, who was Il
northern Michigan a few days ago
struck town where an enterprisinl
citizen had been boring away al vel
for the past four months. The Phila
delphian went over to see the bore, anC
said to the man:
"As there isn't one chance in thou
sand that YOU will find either oil or sail
let me ask what you are boring for =
WWell." replied the man, after seem
ING to think it over, 81 started IN 10
mineral water, but as a Boston ma
, came along and offered to put in 81, 90
cash. am drilling away to use up hl
capital. - Val Street Net0s.
ADVICE TO A YOUNG WOMAN.
NV daughter, when you note that tn
man who wants to marry you is just to
awfullv anxious to learn whether 70
can bake a loaf of bread or wash shin
with Chinese dexterity, before you CLOS
the negotiations, do you just fly aroun
and ascertain if that man is either WI
ING or able to earn enough flour to max
; a biscuit. and if he has paid for the SIN
, he wants you to wash. Nine times OF
I of ten. daughter, the man who onl
! wants to marry a housekeeper can /
! kent more economically in the worl
house than he can in your father
house. -BURDETEE.
t A GREAT SAILOR.
o 'sMr. Flipkins, what is schooner
!, TEhP Oh, it's al beg pardon,
9 mean-a two two-masted sailing We
g sci"
E Are You interested in yachtin
I Clairette ?"
q sNo. I merely wanted to know VIII
a sebooners were. Mr.. Sharp said "
@ could navigate more schooners aero
e the bar without getting wrecked tni
p any other mariner he knew. "-L9f
8 Union.
3. HE FbATTERED THE WRONG WOMAN
A mother and daughter were at I
silk counter IN a dry goods store. ~
clerk, hoping to fatter the mother III
making a purchase, said:
care you selecting dress tor 70!
self, Madam, or-er-yor sister
dicating the daughter.
"She is not selecting a dress Tor a
D. one this morning, remarked the daue
ter, tartly. "Come, ma, let us
~ T6e clerk fattered the wrong womf
q. -Drake's Magazine.
~ SAVING TROUBLE.
7. Sax: "Those new rails you put IN Il
in porch are not half planed.
q Fax IA carpenter): "Thats all rig
r. THEY'LL get smooth pretty soon"
id "But they're all nailed in.
eyes; never mind about that. Passe
up by will smooth EN-.
1t, 'Passers-by ?"
OF eyes: I'll stick on 'em a piece
of paper with the word Paint on 1t, 9
ce everybody will give the rails rub
n see If it's dry. "-PhjlG. CaA.
20 IT WAS THERE.
,ef "Ah. Smithahs, my deah bwoy, 6
cb TO see YOU. " know. What-ah=do J
ri think Of --ah-ah--. Blawst 1t
es Smithahs, that was something l wan
,lV to ask your opinion OIL had 1t WI
on the end Of my tongue, y know,
u I've forgotten it. "
tn 'eIhe cigarette you're smoking
nd s'Yaas, that's it. Thanks, Smitha
1e I knew I had it wight on the end OF
eIk tongue. but my memory is getting
ar tWeacho'ous, y know. Smoke one,
rm bwoy P"-Cdioago Herald.
NC sEAsoNABLE RHYMES.
va The weather's growing very wa
nris hard upon the rinkers; the 81
~ bovs TO the wharves now swarm
~, day to fish for thinkers. The drug
lil os serves the fixing drink to all who q
~ along. and translates easily the v
-4 that calls for something strong. y
~ more the meadow and the plain
~ decked with fragrant flowers; the pl'
~, season comes again, likewise the thur
showers. Boston Courier.
to SAFETY AND DANGER.
ter, First Hen: s'There comes the VOL