davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23


thing that must not be touched. Its
right to go on debauching men and
boys and demoralizing the world must
not be questioned. Its right to kill
men, to wreck boys, and ruin girls must
not be touched. There is not q family
in the United States that has not this
danger constantly lowering over it.
There are million of dollars invested in
a business the profits of which depend
upon the number of boys that can be
ruined annually. The vast financial
structure is based upon the ruin of men.
The more drunkards this interest can
make the greater its profits, and as
there is no limit to human eupidity, so
there is no limit to its efforts in this 6i-
rection. - Toledo Blade.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
A GREAT DRAIN,
The Retail Cost to Consumers of Whisky
and Beer in the United States.

The Retail Cost to Consumers of Whisky
and Beer in the United States.
The Chicago Tribune, though not
usually given to Temperance of the
right kind, has been making some cal
culations on the retail cost to consum-
ers of whisky and beer in this country,
which are about as startling as those
made by the fanatics of which it
speaks SO frequently. 1t says that "a
careful canvass of the facts-in regard
to whisky-warrants the conclusion
that the average price paid by the con-
sumner is about $3.50 per gallon. This
foots up grand aggregate of $780,
000. 000, or very nearly ten dollars per
head. Applying the same comparison
as before, we see that this amounts to
something like dollar per week for
each adult male in the United States of
America. This is for whisky alone. Al
lowing the very moderate sum of
eighteen dollars per barrel rs the aver
age price paid by the buyer atretail, VIC
have further total of 1906, 600, 600 for
the beer that is consumed in the coun-
try each year" Put the two together,
and we have 1916, 600, 00o-an appalling
sum to contemplate as the worse than
wastage of our people. The Tribune
adds another item-that of tobacco-in
all its forms, which belongs to the Same
category of expenditures. This is set
down at S292,00o,000. Thinking peo-
pie should study these figures and COM
prehend, if possible, this enormous
drain upon the resources of the labor
and business of our people. And then
contemplate another $500, 700,
which has to be raised to pay the pub
lie and private expenses of crime and
poverty caused by the consumption of
these liquors! When these things are
all considered we should cast about for
an efficient remedy for this tremendous
waste, of money, with the still more
formidable attending evils. -ChicGgO
Standard.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
THE BoREs.

There's the man who let's you shake his linoy
hand
He's bore,
And the man who leans againstyou when You
stand
Get his gore.
There's the man who has fear
~ That the world Is, year by year,
Growing worse-perhaps he's near
Bolt the door.
There's the fellow with conundrum quite an
hque-
He's a bore.
And the man who asks you "What?' WIENER
you speak,
Though you roar.
e. There's the man who slaps your back
:. With button-bursting whack-
If you think he's on your track,
Bolt the door.
There's the punster with his everlasting pun
He's a bore.
And the man who makes alliterative fun
Worse and more
There's the man who tells the tale
That year ago was stale
Like as not he's out of jail
Bolt the door.
2ss,' - Chicago NelUs.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
Clothed in Verbiage.

Mrs. Tumbletung gazing through tho
car window isn't it lovely" Mr..
-s.Beautifuii Mrs. T.-"Did you
ever see anything like it? The autumn is,
[ think, the pleasantest season of the year.
Such beautiful foliage. Such variety of
colors. The whole earth is actually clothed
in Yerdurer Fogg has the presence of
mind to stuff his handkerchief in his mouth
in time to prevent an explosion. Boston
T4,rpSeriDt
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
HARD LINES.
By A BANK CASHIER.

BY A BANK CASHIER.
Great Scott, don't know what to do.
I've shipped the banks whole revenue
On private spec,
And all the Doodle ] could raise,
To back me in my cashiers craze,
Has slipt beyond my mortal gaze
Into Quebec.
Tomorrow should HE me hence
To reap the pleasures of my pence
In sweet exile
And sing: Old Bank, I'm safe at last,
The time to catch me long since past,
Ny future bright, my fortune vast,
I've made my pile
] can't stay In this wicked place
For tear my friends will see my face
Behind the bar
oh, Lord. I'm in an awful box,
I've saved up four million rocks,
And now see they've got smallpox
In Canada.
Life,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
Scholastic Item.

sLook here, boy, this will never do"
sWhatss the matter, pap asked Johnny.
ssYou have missed your lesson again, for
see by this report that you were kept in
after school, never was kept in after
school when was boy"
Johnny looked at him for a minute and
then said:
II know why you were not kept in after
school. When you were boy and missed
your lesson, your teacher, instead of keep
ing you in after school, took it out of your
hide with switch and sent you home. -
TerGs Siftinqs.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
ALL RIGHT.

He wears his left arm in a sling,
He's not inclined to laugh or sing,
Or even cut a pigeon-Wing;
But slowly walks
And sadly talks,
AS if he we're afflicted.
At passers-b by he looks askance,
For fear his pain tbey might enhance,
And on his gloomy countenance
Deep agony's depicted.
What makes him seem to suffer so,
AS if o'ercome by mortal woe?
Why does he walk with step SO slow?
He quakes with fear,
He acts most queer,
Appearing agitated.
Is he now suff ring from fight,
That he's in such a sorry plight?
Well, no." he says; why, Tn all right
I've just been vaccinated.'
3 NJ T. Journal
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
FEARFUL.

I sit here sadly and alone,
While tears unbidden quickly rise,
And, though strive to keep them back,
Flow freely from my red ming eyes.
The cause of all these briny tears
I'm holding here within my hand;
Such potent power to make men weep
Was ne'er possessed by magic wand.
One may possess a heart of stone,
Or purpose strong to do or die,
May ne'er in life have shed a tear,
Yet this hath power to make him cry.
But think not strange of its great power
Nor marvel at this burst of feeling,
For tits an onion that hold.
And the pesky thing am peeling.
Detroit Free Press
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
What Mr.. Cooper viii Do.

1t is not every minister who would
offer to pay the years public expenses
of whole New England city. Yet
that is what Rev. James B. Cooper, of
New Britain, Conn.,, is just reported to
have done-on one condition! If the
people of New Britain, he said, would
stop drinking for one year. and give
him the money, he would pay all the
city taxes for them, including street,
sewer, water, police, gas and electricity
charges. He would also pay the school
tax, doubling the salaries of the. teach
ers, and building a new high-school
building and new house for the Young
Mems Christian Association. Next no
would pay Off the whole OF the eity's in
debtedness 1880, 000), and throw in a
barrel of flour to every poor family,
and suit of clothes TO every needy
person in town. Mr.. Cooper's offer is
still open; but at latest adYices the citi-
zens had not accepted its. s. Times
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23

DR.. NORMAN KERR, one of the most
distinguished Psychologists of the pres
ent century, in an article upon the per-
version of intellect resulting from the
excessive use of alcohol, says: IF there
is one feature which more than another
is characteristic::of the dipsomaniac, it
is that of untrutnfulness. Habltual ex-
cessive indulgence in strong drink
would turn the most truthful person in
this country into an unblushing liar.
Nor is this all. If he were to forswear
his cups and become a consistent abb
stainer, it would be long ere he recov-
cred, if he ever did completely recover,
his former power to speak truth, and to
discriminate between the false and the
true" He adds: s'This utter over
throw of the truthful sense is especially
mark ed in women"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23

The New Hampshire Legislature has
passed law prohibiting the sale of
obscene and impure literature. This
was largely secured by the influence of
Miss Lucy j. Holmes, National Super
intendent of that line of reform, and
the hearty cooperation of the W. G. I.
U. The Legislature has also passed an
act prohibiting the sale of cigarettes or
tobacco in any of its forms, to any
minor under sixteen years OF age. after
being forbidden by parent or guard
ian. These, with the Scientific Temper
ance Instruction law, are fit environ
ments for the children of the Granite
State.-AattonaE W. c. Z. u Bulletin.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23

THE use of beer was the first step in
one hundred and twenty EIGHT eases of
habitual inebriates, out of the two hum
dred and four the superintendent OF the
Women's Reformatory Prison. at Sher-
born, Mass, has examined. Thirty
seven began by drinking whisky, usu-
ally as punch, and twenty with wine
Several hopeless drunkards among
them asserted that they had never
drank an intoxicapt but beer.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
!" Nice IeetIe zoe:
Nice leetle Voc;
Nice leetle Yoe-poy!
Y0at Yoai Voc ~

it is a song admirably adapted to the
range of her voice, which is a hybrid, only
two notes of the gamut being required. AS
it is addressed to the baby, she has pitched
it with a delicate consistency in the minor
key. For staying powers she can discount
either Joe Emmett or the author of peek
a-boo' as the champion lullabyst have
listened to her with all the horrors of In
sanity creeping over me- ] do not know
whether she has reserved all right or not.
Its mother tells me that am a great ia
yorite of the baby's. Consequently the
seat next to it at table is reserved for me.
This though an honor of which / am deep
~ cognizant, is extremely embarrassing to
man with only one pair of trowsers. He
is pretty apt to be decorated with the
dishes that the baby reaches for in its crude
way, so that nearly all his. spare time is
spent in the privacy of his chamber scour-
ing his clothes.
The baby has an aunt who is very much
attached to it She is about twenty years
old, is pretty and susceptible, and has
$4,000 in her own right. AS it is my de-
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23

firms books, for instance--and at four, just
when have fallen into gentle slumber,
with wet towel around my head to keep
down the throbbing that looking over the
long rows of figures invariably produces, to
have the baby get up and begin pounding
away at the door with what seems to my
imagination a piie-dryer. For the baby
invariably rises at four. and it is its custom
to slgnalize its larkish proclivities by mus
,cular activity. In doing this its nurse says
it uses a shoe brush, but have my doubts.
1t is well enough, perhaps, when have
made arrangements to go fishing and want
to get up at daybreak. The baby then
caves the expense of an alarm-clock.
Bit at other times it is narrowing in the
extreme. 1t makes me long intensely for
the right to exercise parental authority.
The baby has Swedish nurse of COM
Portable proportions who, for the delecta-
ton OF her tender charge, has composed a
lullaby which runs something like this:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-10-23
He "Boss'' BURGLAR.

the way they communicate with each
other
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
N. A. SIMMONS LIVER MEDICINE.
WHAT'S SAID OFT.

1T is indispensable in this Malarious climate.
Wecant do without it. 1t saved US from much
Sickness J. C. Weaver, Of Texas.
Twenty years of .'yfering from Indigestion
and diseased Liver was relieved by q package
ofit.'-Rev. N. II. Cullum, Grapevine, Texas.
1T has done more to relieve and cure me of
Sick Headache than all the other remedies
ever used j. NJ. Lcod. of No. Carolina.
1T proved blessing to my family cheerful
ly testify to its merits Its popularity here is
unbounded. REV. S. Shaw. Batesville. Ark.
These are but samples from among the many
thousands of unsolicited testimonials received
during the past few years. ASK your druggist
for the original NJ. A. SIMMONS LIVER MED
ICINE. made at st. Louis. Mo. Take no other
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Atchison Champion: The Cham
pion considers itself fortunate in not
having received fifty or sixty commu-
nications, pro and con, on the subject
of teaching anti-alcoholic physiology
In the public schools. If the Champi-
on was obliged to print some of the
ponderous rot it sees to the effect that
it is not yet settled fact that alco-
hol is injurious, it would feel bad. We
hope the little boys and girls will not
wait for the physiology book and teach
er to come around, but just settle it in
their youthful minds that whiskey is
injurious; that it braids mans legs;
makes him spit on his vest; bungs up
his eyes; paints his nose red; thickens
his tongue and makes him stumb-
ling, rickety, sour-smelling old bore,
who goes round saying in the midst of
it all, that he's "One o. theshe fellers
that can drink or let it lone, jush as
I'm mind to-" 1t don't need any phys
iology to find that much out.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
INGALLS, on DYNAMITE.

Mr.. ingalls, may not have his name
attached to SO many bills as some of
the other Senators, but we notice that
in all of the senatorial debates that are
reported at any length, the name of ].
J. Ingalls, is attached to one of the
best speeches. Here are the closing
paragraphs of his speech on the Ed
mund's resolution against the dyna-
miters:
But, sir, there is something worse in
society than dynamite, and that is the
passions, the wrongs and the guilt
which make dynamite possible. The
worst dynamite is the soul of man.
Poverty, helpless and hopeless, oppres-
sion, ignorance, vice, the wrongs of
centuries, are the ingredients of the
minister of destruction. Every effect
has its cause. Tyranny makes the nj
hilist. Despotism makes the Carbon
ari and the commune. Free and hap
by citizens do not murder mOnarchs,
nor destroy their capitals; and intend
by vote on this resolution to express
my detestation of injustice everywhere,
and to say further that if it assumed
that the American people or that the
Irishmen naturalized in America are
in any way responsible for or in SYM
pathy with these crimes, or in any
manner their accomplices and abet-
tors, repel and disavOw it.
The terrible events of Saturday con-
vey solemn and portentous lesson.
No matter what opinion the student
of history may have about the course
of England toward Ireland for centu-
ries; of her policies in the East Indies,
in China, in Egypt, in New Zealand,
in all parts of the earth where her
power has been exerted, there can be
but one OpiniOn of the lesson these &C.
currences teach; and that is, that for
nations, as for men, there is nothing
ultimately SO Improbable as injustice.
The thief robs himself. the murderer
inflicts deeper wound upon himself
than that which Stays his victim; a
nation or state that imposes chains
upon any portion of its citizens or its
subjects places heavier manacles upon
itself than those which bind its help
less victims; and those who deny the
rights of mankind or impair the essen
tial prerogatives of freedom anywhere
m ust not forget that behind them, ST.
lent and tardy it may be, but inexora-
BILE and relentless, stands, with ..uplift-
ed hand, the menancing specter of ven
geance and retributiOn.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

On Wednesday Of last week the
Houses of Congress met in joint ses-
sion and formally counted the electoral
vote. After declaring the result, which
was known so long ago, Mr.. Edmunds
said. "The President of the Senate
makes this declaration only as pub
lie statement In the presence of the two
Houses Of Congress, Of the contents of
the papers opened and read on this oc-
casion, and not as possessing any au-
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
SOMETHING FOR THE BABY.

What a terrible affiiction about the
house is cross GRABBED baby. A young
man on the very edge of matrimony
might easily be frightened from his
purpose by having too much of that
sort of music at the homes of his mar
ried friends. Yet babies cry common
ly only when they are sick. One tea
spoonful of Parker's Tonic, given the
one, will bring rest and sleep to the
little baby and all in the house. Only
80 cents, at druggists.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
LADIES, MEDICAL ADVISOR.

A complete medical work for wo-
men, handsomely bound in cloth and
illustrated. Tells how to prevent and
cure all diseases of the sex, by treat
ment at home. Worth its weight in
gold to every lady suffering from any
of these diseases. Over 10000 sold al
ready. Postpaid only 80 cents. Pos
tai note or two-cent stamps. Address
Nunda Publishing Company, Nun
da, New York.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
A RELIABLE HOUSE.

Messrs. Goodhue & Evans are always
reliable and try to secure the best of ev-
erything for their patrons. They now
have boughta large quantity of Beggs'
Cherry Cough Syrup, and are always
willing and ready to recommend it to
every one in need of preparation for
coughs, colds, asthma, bronchitis and
consumption, as they know of no other
remedy that is gaining such wide
reputation. Sample bottles free.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
RuckIen,s Arnica salye.

The best salve in the world for cuts,
bruises, sore ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblains
corns, and all skin eruptions, and pos
itively cures piles, or no pay required.
1t is guaranteed to give perfect salts
faction, or money refunded. Price 25
cents per box. For sale by GoOdhue
& Evans.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Scott & Son, the druggists, who are
always looking after the interest of
their customers, have now secured the
sale of DR.. Bosanko's cough and lung
syrup, remedy that never fails to
cure colds, pains In the chest and all
Lung affections. For proof, try free
sample bottle. Regular size so cents
and one dollar.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

thority in Law to declare any legal
conclusion whatsver.,' It Il . singu-
lar thing that after the experience Of
'78 there is yet no one authorized BY
law to decide who has been legally
elected president.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

The drop in the price of quinine may
have been caused by the large ship
ments of Collins Ague Cure into the
malarial and chills and fever districts
throughout the south and west, where
formerly it was supposed nothing but
quinine would cure. Judging from
the large shipments daily of this REM
edy from the laboratory of the Collins
Bros. Drug Co., Second and Vine
streets, it looks as if Collins Ague
Cure was taking the place of all other
remedies for chills.-Frons Missouri
Republican, dug. Is, 1884.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Habitual constipation is not only
one of the most unpleasant, but at the
same time one of the most injurious
conditions of the human system, and
it Is but forerunner of disease, unless
removed. This is usually accomplish
ed by the use of purgatives, which for
the time afford relief, but after their
immediate effects have passed they
leave the system in worse state than
before. To effect a cure it is necessary
that the remedy used should be one
that not only by its cathartic effect re-
lieves the bowls, but at the same time
acts as tonic, so as to restore the or
gans to a sound, healthy condition.
This Prickly Ash Bitters will do. 1t
removes the cause and restores health.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
CHURCH DIRECTORY.
METHODIST EPISCOPAL.

Corner of jefferson Avenue and Brosdway st.
Services every Sabbath at ii 4. m. and 80 p. m
Class nesting immediately after the morning
service. Sunday School at $50 a. m, a. s.
Asnkins Superintendent. Prayer meeting ever,
visitors in the city and all others cordially invit-
ed to all these services.
r.. M. SCOTT. Pastor.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Children will refuse bad tastin
cough medicine but they will all b
willing to take DR.. Jackson's Syrup of
Wild Cherry and Lungwort whenever
offered. 1t is as pleasant as Maple
Syrup and will reach a bad cough
much quicker than any other prepar-
alton of the kind. Sold by all druggis.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Urinary and Skin Diseases, &c. Cures guaranteed
Jr money refunded. Charges low. Over 5000 eases
cured-experience Is important. All medicines fur
nished ready for running TO drug stores Pc
tents at distance treated by letter and express;
medicines sent everywhere, free from gaze or break
age. No injurious medicines used. No detention
from business State your case and send for terms.
letter. A BOOK for both sexes-illustrafed-auo
circulars of other things sent sealed in plain wrap
pers, for two &c stamps. ". B.-Dr. Henderson IL Q
regular graduate in medicine. Over IS years prse-
tice-12in Chicago. e. Ny Free Museum ID nov
Open-see description in ebvYe book.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
BAPTIST.

on Sycamore Street Large brick northeast
or the square. Preaching every Sunday at ii a.
M. and at the usual hour in the evening. Sun
day School at GAS am. a. L. Dibble, Superin-
tendent Prayer meeting every Thursday eve
ming at p m Thisaotiee is inserted to assure
you Of q warm welcome at any of these services.
w. 5. WEBB, Pastor.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
CHRISTIAN OR DISCIPLES.

Corner OF Sycamore and Broadway. Services
IL g.. m. and 1880 D. m. Sunday School 10 a.
m. Prayer meeting Wednesday evenings.
HENRY MARTIN, Pastor
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
PRESBYTERIAN.

Corner Madison Avenue and Western Street
Preaching at ii a. m. Sabbath School at
p. m. Prayer meeting every Thursday evening
All are invited TO these services.
r. 6 MTIIYP Pastor
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
REFORMED.

Service in the Court House every two weeks
at ii O'Clock q. m. When il occurs the first
So'ciock p. m. Sunday School every Sabbath
al 10 O'Clock q. m. REV. s. A. ALT, pastor.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
RIRLE SQCIET

supply OF Bibles and Testaments may be
ound at the Allen County Bible Depository, at
Charles A. Steele's place of business
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

AGENTS WANTED.-Wc want q lady or gent
representative In every county to Introduce
magazine, books and other articles to whom liberal
terms are offered. Address The American AGENT.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
CHRISTIAN.

Services on first Sunday of every month at II
O'Clock q. m. at the Court House.
THos. BARTLETT, Pastor
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
ABsTRACTERS OF TITLES.
BOOTS AND SHOES.
JOSEPH PIKE

JOSEPH PIKE,
DOOT AND SHOE MAKER, lola, Kansas
d shop west side public square. First class
work guaranteed at reasonable prices. Boys
boots from S1.5o to 2.75. Mems boots from
s.. 75to Sc. co.