West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-05-08
SMUGMUGGERY.
The Astonishing Changes which Result
from Removal of Bcard aud Mustachc.


from Removal of Beard aud Mustachc.
A wave of smugmuggcry is engulhng
the land. To those who do not know
what the scientific term Smugmuggcrv
means, | might explain that il refers to
those who transform themselves into
smugwumps 10y shaving oil their whisk-
erS and mustachcS 1t Is BARRIERS
boom or boon, rather. The result of
this freak of fashion is that whiskcrs
and mustaches arc disappearing with
rapidity that is bcwildcring. A per
son passes his best friend and fails To
recognize him all on account of his
Smugmug,
desire to point out some OF the dis
astcrs that have occurred through the
slavish following of tbs now fashion
don't suppose that | shall bc able to
check this growing evil. but the in
stances that have come To my knowl-
edge may serve rs warning to somo
who have not yet become smugwumps
There was John G.. Stivcr,. for in
stance. Stivcrs wore u long, black
beard topped by II mustachc. ana YOU
doubles, have noticed when vou spoke
To him about anything that he had the
slowly in "A way that certainly loft the
impression that Stivcrs was deep
very deep thinker know that was
the effect IL had ON me. remember
few weeks ago meeting him, saying:
'Wcll, Mr., Stivcrs, looks as if we were
gong TO have "A Russian WARP
StivcrS strokcd his beard thought
| fully, and said:
eyes, IL iOOkS that wnV But
well, YOU wait few DAYS"
Nov, said TO myself rs L. him.
"thcrc's man who has studied the
Afghan matter in all its bearings No
nippant opinion there.
well, of course you've seen Silver.
| since he shaved The weak. irrc.ontc
mouth and rcccdng chin is now In full
view. happen to know that in q very
| short time he was 10 have been takcn i'm
| as IA partner i'm the house of Ready,
Made " Co, the clobhicrs. whose con
identlal clerk hc has been for SO many
years manager ] might say. Now he
thinks his whole trouble arises from the
fact that when he went into the c-tab-
lishmcnt just after shaving Mr. Made
approached him smilingly and said
''Anythingwc can show YOU to-day,
sirP' OF course it made big laugh
been trying to sell something to his own
manager, but that was not the trouble.
Mr. Ready himself told me that IL ns-
tonishcd him to think they had ever
sought the advice of such man. and of
course now any mistakes that had hap
penod in over purchase and that sort OF
thing were laid to the charge OF Stivcrs'
suggestions. Now hc il out of employ
mcnI and no one ever prciiNcs the
"Mr.' to his name. II is ptiful 60
see the way his hand wandcrs aimlcssly
around his smooth face searching for
the lost beard.
Then there was DR. Schuyler Brown
He saw his mistake in time. and has
left the city till his beard grows on
again. His patients positively refused
TO be prescribed for by so boyish look
ing man. BY the time he lost half his
practice the facts of the case dawncd on
him, and his leaving will doubtless
bring back patients and beard.
see by the papers that MR.. Smp-
kins Calendar has got her divorce from
poor Simpkins OF course the very
sight of his smugmug in court was
enough TO turn the case against him
Simpkins wasn't bad-looking fellow
when bearded like n pard, but the
transformation was something awful
Why the man was idiotic enough 90
shave is n mystery TO his friends lie
ought 10 have remembered how hc
looked without n beard.
The fashion spares neither old nor
young. / met old John Mortimer yes
tcrday out for the first time in three
weeks, and hc looked ha2gard with the
gray stubble of % three weeks growth
ON his face. think it. served John
right ! told him month ago that
that brutal dog would Kill somebody
yet; but Mortimer thought because the
dog knew him IL was all right II was
useless 10 tell old Mortimer that the
brute had selected samples Of the cloth
ing Of every friend that had the cOur-
age to call at the house When the old
man came home that night shaved
smooth the dog did not recognize him
and so kept him up the tree inn the front
yard ill Mrs. Mortimer and young
John came home from the singing
meeting Young John would have
brought him down from the tree with
his revolver too, n he had had 10 with
him, for the old man was so hOarse with
shouting that he could not speak above
% whisper and they thought me was "a
trccd tramp
N is rather curious how the scar ON
the upper lip Of that McAdam who was
arrested last week for the Chicago de-
faication led tO his being identified
No one was more astOnishcd than
Brown. Brown said he would have
trusted him with any amount The
case has been so fully reported ion the
papers that 10 is needless for ono to 20
over h. Seems to me McAdam would
rather have consulted safety than FASH
ion. Ills mu-iachc will have 70 chance
to grow before hc is at liberty 60 select
bis own barber again
You might have noticed boz the society
columns some weeks ago that Young
FrOmau was engaged 90 StImson Jones
oldest Well, h0t match is on. Came
of with frOman beard Size said She
had no idea the corners Of Dob. mouth
icopardizcd his ears tO-such au extent
She never dared say anything funny
for fear hc would smile Finally the
match was broken OH She cOuldu.
stand that mouth
OF course The above instances are
we'll known. otherwise ! would moi
mention them. n shows the surpr. ing
effect of -mugmuggcry let the young
men of ihis country think twice before
they smuV their MUGS tDH Nyyuyggt.t