The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-21

Bill Nue. IA the Nelrs.

Bill Nye an the Nees.
Over at Kasota Junction the other
day l found a living curiosity. He was
man of about medium height, perhaps
about IS years of age, of quiet dispo-
sition, and not noticeable or peculiar in
his general manner. He runs the rail-
way eating house at that point, and the
one odd characteristic which ne has
makes him we'll known all through three
or four States. / could not illustrate
his eccentricity any better than by re-
lating circumstance that occurred to
me at the Junction last week. l had
just eaten breakfast there and paid for
it. l stepped up to the cigar case and
asked this man if he had ga rafting
good cigar"
Without knowing it l had struck the
very point upon which the man seems
to be crank, if you will allow me to
use that expression, though it doesn't
fit very we'll in this place. He looked
at me in sad and subdued manner and
said: "No, sir, 1 haven't rafting
good cigar in the house. have some
cigars there that l bought for Havana
filters, but they are mostly filled with
pieces of Colorado Madur overalls.
There's box over yonder that 1 bought
for good, straight, ten-cent cigar, but
they are only chaos of hay and Flora
Fine and Demfno, all socked into a
Wisconsin wrapper. Over in the other
end of the case is brand of cigars that
were to knock the tar out of all other
kinds of weeds, according to the urbane
rustler who sold them to me, and then
drew on me before / could light one
of them. Well, instead of being a fine
Colorado Claro, with high-priced
wrapper, they are common Mexicano
stinkaros, in a Mother Hubbard wrap
per. The commercial tourist who sold
me those cigars and then drew on me
at sight was a good deal better on the
draw than his cigars are. If you will
notice you will see that each cigar has
a spinal column to it and this outer de-
bris is wrapper around it. One man
bought a cigar out of that box last
week. 1 told him, though, just as am
telling you, that they were no good,
and if he bought one he would regret
it. But he took one and went out on
the veranda to smoke it. Then he STEP
ped OH melon rind and fell with great
force on his side. When we picked
him up he gasped once or twice and
expired. We opened his vest hurriedly,
and found that in falling this bouquet
de Gluefactoro cigar, with the spinal
column, had been driven through his
breast bone and had penetrated his
heart. The wrapper of the cigar wasn't
so much as cracked"
doesn't it impair your trade to run
on in this wild, reckless way about your
cigars ?"
ssIt may at first, but not after awhile.
always tell people what my cigars are
made of, and then they can't blame me,
SO after awhile they get to believe what
say about them. l often wonder that
no cigar man ever tried this way before.
l do just the same way about my lunch
counter. If a man steps up and wants
a fresh ham sandwich give it to him
if l have it, and if l haven't it l tell
him so. If you turn my sandwiches
over you will find the date of its publ
cation on every one. If they are not
fresh, and have no fresh ones, tell the
customer that they are not so blamed
fresh as the young man with gauze
moustache, but that l can remember
very we'll when they were fresh, and if
his artificial teeth fit him pretty we'll he
can try one.
''It's just the same with boiled eggs.
have a rubber dating stamp, and as
soon as the eggs are turned over to me
by the hen for inspection date them.
Then they are boiled, and another date
in red is stamped on them. If one of
my clerks should date an egg ahead l
would fire him, too, quick.
"On this account, people who know
me will skip meal in Missouri juno
ton in order to come here and eat
things that are not clouded with mys-
terry. l do not keep any poor stuff
when can help it, but if | do I don't
conceal the horrible fact.
"Of course, new cook will some
times smuggle late date into med
ieval egg and sell it, but he has 10
change his name and flee.
81 suppose that if every eating house
should date everything and be square
with the public, it would be an old
story and wouldn't pay, but as i. is, no
one trying to compete with me, do
well out of it, and people come here
out of curiosity good deal.
"The reason do right and win the
public esteem is that the general public
never did me any harm, and the major
ity of people who travel are kind that
may meet in future state. | should
hate to have thousand travelling men
holding nuggets of rancid ham sand
wich under my nose through all eter-
nifty, and know that had lied about it.
It's an honest fact. If knew I'd got
to stand up and apologize for my hand
made, all around, seamless pies and
quarantined cigars, heaven would be no
object"