The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-06-13
A SHREWD DECEPTION.
The Remarkable Powers of Colonel
 Atlsntus Pindergrass.

One day, after deep meditation, the Prince of Orange remarked to Bentinck 1: gro the ravagss of strong drink the human system resorts to various resist ances yielding versatile results" This remark, although it embodies no particu- lar philosophy, either inductive, syllog- istic, reconstructive or democratic, has caused much comment.
 It is true that there is a great differ ence in men, concerning the power of resistance against the influence oi strong drink, and although no man wholly escapes, yet some men while struggling under the effect of liquor, can completely deceive a beholder. There is Colonel Atlantus Pindergrass, for instance. If you did not know that he was drunk you would pot think that he had been drink ing. He has way of standing on the tiptoe of such politeness, way of saying such pleasant and appropriate things, that his intoxicaiion is hidden under a bushel of agreeableness.
 The other day MT. Martinhead went home with the colonel. The colonel, his wife and Mir. Martinhead were sitting in the parlor when Miss Sallie Pummel, an old maid who had entered her thirty ninth volume, called. The colonel pre- sented his friend, and, satisfied with the success of his sober presense, he leaned back and smiled. Then he began to think about something, and, the thought that his two visitors had not been pre- sented, occurred to him.
 '"Ah, Miss Pummel, allow me to intro duce my friend MT. Martinhead."
 "We have met" replied Miss Funnel.
 "Ah, didn't know that you were ac. quainted."
 The colonel's wife cleared her throat with sharp rasp of irritation. The col onel continued: q have thought for some time that l would like for you to become acquainted, but it never occurred to me that you were old friends"
 "Colonel, let me see you A moment," said Mrs. Pindergtass, drawing her hus- band into an adje,Rins room.
 "What's the n Ter with youf" she asked.
 Nothing"
 "No.hing, the fhief. You are drunk"
 "Drunk," he repea>G contemptuously. "Oh, of course. A man just gets drunk on the atmosphere"
 ~Well, can tell you that the atmos- phere when you are around is quite enough to make any one drunk. You mnst have been smelling your own breath.'
 Has it come to this2 Do you want to insult me5 What have done?"
 @Why, juss look how you acted about introducing"
 "Oh, l see" said the Colonel, with a brightening change of countenance. "lt was my fault-a mere matter of forget fitness"
 Then, stepping into the parlor, the colo nel said: Miss Pummel, allow me to present MT. Martinhead."
 Miss Pummel and are acquainted" ]" replied Mr. Martinhead.
 "That so? Why, let me assure you that didn't know it. Introducing you to an old friend, why. that's good joke, haw, haw-a capital joke, he. he. Wife. let me sec you . minute"
 "You've got me into pretty fix" said the colonel, when his wife had followed him into the adjoining room. aToid me those folks was not acquainted, You ought to be particular about such things" "You ought to be killed" his wife in- dignantly snapped.
 "What have done f''
 @You good-for-aothing thing, you have made yourself ridiculous. You are the most despisable man ever saw"
 @pu be confounded if can understand you"
 "You are too drunk to understand any ] thing, you brute"
 Look here, am tired of being in- suited" The colonel wheeled around and went back into the parlor, where he proceeded to make himself agreeable and to disguise the fact that he had been drink ing anything. Why" said he, "how