The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-03-20
The Society Call.


tons on the back of a mans coat,
though neither useful nor ornamental,
are retained because no one is willing
to set the fashion of getting along
without them. 1t is like an offensive
pond on rich mans land, from time
lmmemorial an eye-sore to all the
neighbors, yet not abolished because a
united movement among those inter-
| ested is impossible, and unless all are
united efforts at its abatement are USE
less.
But among all the absurdities Of So
cial habits and customs, there is GER
tainly none more absurd than fashion
able calling. 1t may be set down as a
fundamental principle of the subject,
that, so far as your entertainers are
concerned, they do not care a button
whether they see you or not, and as to
yourself, it is equally Gel tain that no
call pleases you better than that made
at house where the inmates are not
at home. This being clearly under
stood, and the further fact remem-
bered that during the progress of
social call the entertainers and enter
tainees are heartily wishing each other
dead or at home, the beauties of the
system come more prominently into
view than ever before.
But suppose you are gentleman,
| and preparing to go calling. You in
woke the assistance of your tailor, for
it is we'll known that one of the lead
ing purposes of social visiting is to
furnish an opportunity for the display
of new raiment, and having inserted
yourself into your garments with due
care, introduced your feet into tooth
pick shoes three sizes too small, and
astonished your Uranium by crowding
it into hat never intended for it, you
sally forth to do your social duties.
care the ladies at homeP" Eyes, sir;
the ladies are at home." And you
are shown into the parlor to await
their coming, which may be in half a
minute or in half an hour, according
to the habits of the ladies aforesaid,
who may be in a state of chronic neg
lige, and therefore require time to pre-
pare for becoming entrance.
You amuse yourself by looking
around the parlor at the various OBJ
jects there displayed for the edifcation
of such sufferers as yourself, take
look in the mirror to make sure that
the tuft of hair at the back of your
head is lying down and not erect as
usual, give your cravat an extra touch,
and when you hear a rustling in the
hall compose yourself in chair in a
position suggesting perfect ease, but
from which you can rise at moments
notice to greet your entering hostess.
She enters, and asks you how you do,
and you tell her you do very well,
thank you, for it would be out of or
der to tell her that your head aches
from the tight hat, and your back feels
like it would break from the tight coat,
and your corns are red-hot from the
tight shoes. Then she tells you it is a
fine day, and you tell her: ''Yaas, it is
a remarkably fine day for calling"
and the serious work of enter tanning
begins.
The feast of reason that follows will
be notable chiefly from the desperate
attempts to keep up conversation
without saying anything Words must
be used, and that in abundance; but |
the fewer the accompanying ideas the
more successful the entertaining, |
since it is understood that the parties
to the conversation are not at all in
terested in the subject-matter, and so
it is of no consequence whether any
thing is said or not so long as con-
tinual noise is kept up which bears
some distant resemblance to intelli-
gent discourse. You will therefore
not be surprised to learn that the
weather has been bad for some time,
nor that she hopes it will now continue
good until it turns bad again. In
portant matters like these are not to be
neglected in social calling, for they are
the life of the call, and the caller,
more than any other member of soci-
ETY.. earns his reputation by the sweat
of his jaw.
Occasionally some glimpse of reason
will appear in the conversation of your
hostess, and when they do they will
always be characteristic of the woman.
If you heed these you will be able, at
calls, to give her the i'm
preston that you are very intelli-
gent man, by leading the conversation
nto such channels as she is interested
n, and inducing her to suppose that
The herself is a woman of extra smart
iess when she succeeds so well in en-
ertaining you. Every woman has her
hobby, and it is by ascertaining it and &,
bringing her to talk about it that you ,
will succeed in getting the brain-wear-
ng task of gabbling for fifteen min
ties without giving utterance to an
dea, transferred from your shoulders
o hers.
1t may be dress, and if so, you shall
lear of cores and bias pieces and tucks ;
nd frills and iluting and other frip- a
'eries innumerable, for aquarter of an :
Iour at time, without an interval
ven for breath. 1t may be her chill
rem, in which case all the smartness
hey have done for the last six months
yill be treasured up and repeated, v
nth a thousand additions from the d
of the fond parent, and i.
ou will be lucky if all the family, t
own to the baby, be not paraded for d
our especial behoof. 1t may be house u
old affairs, and in that case you may
e sure that the utter worthlessness of F
II manner and condition of servants
I'll ho tba burfgan of tho GonU IT. NAV ID