Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-12-18
ORR KAI.EIDOSlDPE.

1t is certainly true that money makes
the mare goat n horse trot.
Husking bees will soon be thing of the
past. A Florida man is introducing the
mistletoe into America.
The death rate in Dakota is said to be
five in thousand. The cowboy is not as
crack shot as he is cracked up to be.
The course of true love is depicted in
the following sentences from recent
novel, "He kissed her upon her appear
ance." "She kissed him back" "It was
very strange-this first experience of cold
ness and restraint" "She drove him
from the room upon his return"
An Ohio hog recently threw train of
cars from the track. The pen lis mightier
than the locomotive.
When the hour hand of the town clock
at Santa Rosa, Cal, points to six and the
clock strikes seventeen, the. people know
that it is exactly IL o'clock. But it makes
every stranger wonder if he has got 'em
again.
A Berlin correspondent of London
paper says that American tourists find it
impossible to procure strong enough CT
CARS in Germany. We believe the cab
| bage is not cultivated in Germany. The
Teutons have to get alongwith sauer
| kraut
A man may bolt his food, but he can't
keep it from digesting.
| The Boston Post is more enterprising
than it was under it's old management. 1t
recently devoted half column to dog
fight.
A California woman while splitting
wood bit her tongue in two. There is no
moral to this. Women don't split wood
this side of California.
Occasionally man runs across first
class anomaly. Consult reliable Boston
directory and see how few Beans there are
| in it.
Very few dentists conduct lotteries, but
in every successful toothp pulling estab-
lishment drawings occur every day. ..
A Georgia lady has suit of clothes
which she says, has been in her!possession
for 1O3 years. This is bad give away on
her age.
We always thought that newspaper men
account for the fact that the Paris cores
|
Gently killed by wasp sting.
A portrait in Detroit newspaper has
led to the capture of murderer PrOba
bly, by causing him to commit the crime.
There is no hen 50 selfcontained but
that she is liable to lose her head.-Bing
hdmton Republican. True, but as she
then becomes spring chicken, it must
crafty her feminine vanity.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox says in new
book: Nowhere else, in no other class
or profession, can be found so much talent
American journalists. If we have said
anything mean about Ella, we take it al
back.
"One of the chief objections to the nat
ural gas of western Pennsylvania lies il
the fact that it is almost, if not wholly
inodorous," says an exchange. We dom
see the point of the objection.
The latest researches, in science revea
the startling fact that Kentuckian'!
nose will exactly fit the bunghole of a bar
rel. But plain facts reveal the more sig
!, nificant fact that his mouth is the featur,
most likely to do it.
the umbrella he earries.-N. Y. Journal
Oh, the Difference Porter
house steak, madam Y'
Landlady-"No; boarding house,
Tid-Bits.
The very moment Congress began it!
, session it is reported that the other wind
mills in the country ceased working
Philadelphia Herald.
The gentler sex by no means regard
Africa as the dark continent. 1t received
SIS 0O0, 900 worth of diamonds and ostricl
feathers last year from South Africa
Boston Post.
, Now the pond is frozen over and it's ic
: the fishers cover, setting lines with flag
! that tell of the bites of pickerel. An(
halt frozen they keep watch, he ping for
lusty catch, from early morn till frost,
: eve, when the darkness makes them leave
Happy and hungry home they go. with
string of ten or so, for which they've pal,
. two ragged minors ten times ten seduc
} tive shiners.-LOtUell Courier.
There is no end to the funny things tina
are seen and heard by the teachers in on
public schools. Once a teacher observe,
!. huge blot of ink on boys copybook
what is that ?" he demanded Sure,
think it's a tear, sir" ~, "A tear Hoy
: wan o. the colored boys dropped it, sir.
For the comfort of childrenwhO know wha
, 1t Is to be clustered" this is the laugh
able reply of very bright and accom-
plished lady teacher who was passing
purely formal examination in physiology
/ where is the alimentary canal ?" wa
: demanded. Really" was the pleasan
apolis or Illinois. "-Sdll Francisco ArgO
maui.
i, GENERAL SUMMARY