The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1885-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

A patent-medicine advertisement
speaks of 1.-The liver failing to at. >
We suspect the manager cut down it.
salary. When the Ii err refuses to act
the drama of Life can't 90 on yer,
successfully. Aorrtstotc2t Herald.
Doctor said the grateful patient
selling the physicians hand. Il shall
never forget that to yoH owe my life. >
You exaggerate, said the doctor
mildly. ''you only owe me for tifteer
visits; that is the point which | hops
You will not fail to remember.
Telephones have been placed in the
halls of the Idaho Legislature. L
[ sat Is the necessity Of sending out tn;
/ seTgeant-at-arms 10 bring IN the absent
members. They can now play poker
in the committee rooms till the very
moment OF calling the yeas and nays.
What is economy?' asks the Phila.
( delpaia North AHericaa. Wen tell
I you. It is paying 10 cents for a cigar.
and compelling Your wife to turn her
/ last season ; dress to make it do for an
other winter. The country is fairly
bulging with such couomy.-N5rrjs
I t03cH Herald
Does the shining steel blade which
hold in my hand cause excruciatine
pain?' inquired an OF CITY barber
1 What" Il asked if the razor hurt
/ YOU is it a razor2" ..Of course il
Is. Why?' Il thought it was saw,
but if You are sure it j a razor 90
ahead. OF city ji-zard
They reproach an aged millionaire
with his miserly practices. Here You
are, a wealthy man, and vet you put
out Your aSh-barrel every day with
I YOUR own hands. TO save few miser
able sous, You are right: it is hard
/ ~ the thing for man in my position
to do. Hereafter Il make my wife dc
it. Paris Paper.
They were talking over an aged
millionaire who had ON several occa-
Sions given his heirs high hopes high
/ hopes always dashed by his recovery.
Curious how long the old man laStsr'
says somebody. refiectively; especially
when you consider that for the last ten
years he has had one foot in the grave :"
Yes; but then, You see. every now and
then he changes the foot, French
! HIT.
2 slim youth, accompanied by pug
! log and chain attachment. met Young
| lady on Fifth avenue whom he knew
He walked by her side until her resid-
ence was gained when she invited him
in. "Aw-thawnks awfully; much
pleased. I'm suah. he said; ..bu -er
! the dog, v know '-Oh, the dog
won't make the slightest difference
| Dear little fellow! Mamma will be
glad to see you both. '-Ee1o York Sun.
The lady of the house was a hand
some woman of a mature order of
/ beauty, and when she had completed
/ her toilet she gazed fondly at herself in
/ the glass, and remarked to her new
maid: You d give good deal to be
as good looking as | am, wouldn't you,
| now?" Yes m; almost as much rs
/ YOU would give to be rs young as
/ | am. - 1t is not believed that this
/ epigrammatic young woman viii be
chosen again at the expiration OF her
present term.-faris Paper.
Look herer' called man. pressing
/ his face against the CRATES of the city
/ prison, and addressing a policeman
/ who stood outside. "Well?'' What
was put in here for, anyway?'. You II
! find out when the Police Court meets -
''Podner, | am a very sensitive man,
and the thought that have committed
a crime haunts me. | just tell Won
what's a fact, cant stand it. What
did do?' well, if you must know,
YOU got drunk and shot a man" ''Oh,
is that ali? | was afraid that had in
suited some one. Much obliged. -
.ArkdHSat0 IfdCeier.
How dear to my heart is sack made
| of seal-Skin. garment adapted to
keep out the cold! It's not like the
Jersey, that fits like an eclSkin; lis
loose, graceful, easy and fair to behold.
How smooth and how glossy! Its
beauty enchants me; what garment so
lovely when worn by belle--Both
waking and sleeping its poetry haunts
me; The sack made of sealskin that fits
me so well. The sack made of sealskin
of smooth. glossy sealskin. The
beautiful sealskin that fits me so well.
-Lo,0eU Courier.
What aincomprehensible Mrandy' s
got to be senGA she went to thur
e ca der E,sba re9 Mg Eot Hom me s
been dom noN?'' asked Daniel.
''Doin'." exclaimed Mrs Homespun
''w l,she said she must go to her room
early '.Disrobe and retire." muir
INJURED Daniel, ''wot's them, map" .
dunno" replied ma; '.but she didn't d,
nothin' o the sort. She only undresseC
and went to bed. Did We ever hear o
sich p evarication ?"-P Presbyterian Ban
ner.
College bows are no respecters o
persons, said gentleman who live
at Princeton yesterday. when Pres
ident Arthur took his son Allan t.
Princeton the Chief Magistrate wa:
called on by the boys for a speech. II,
responded, and in conclusion remarked
with great deal OF feeling that he wa!
about to confide to their care what wa:
to him the dearest thing on earth. Tn,
words We're scarcely out OF his mouth
when one of the youths rose and sung
out in stentorian tones; Three cheers
for the thing. y Fhtiadeipjtia Press.
Now, Maria" remarked Simpkins
as he pulled off his boots last evening
times is gittin' burned hard. an we've
got to economic. | guess you'd better
try and git along without that new
black dress YOU was talkin' about, anc
fix over your last winter hat | guess
you can worry along that way al
right We've got to fix it some how OIL
other to cut down expenses, or | dom
see how I'm to buy cigars. an as fol
whisky, why, | don't get more -four
or five drinks day as 1t is. Remem
Der, Maria, economy is wealth. Oh
city Blizzard.
Senator Coggeshall, of Watertown
who has just returned from Florida
I 81, -, Il -.
Il went out fishing on Bladder Creek, ,
he says, 1.-THE night after L arrived il
. Florida. We put a big light on tn,
bow of the boat and padded slowl,
down stream. You may hang me i
the fish didn't crowd up to that light 81
thick that some of them had to ium-
out of water to find room in which t.
move. Enough jumped into the boa
to make a good breakfast" Senate
Lansing, who heard this tale, said tn,
fish were probably like men who woul,
, believe the story-suckers.- Gath.
Have you ever seen that train O
3 white cars that makes the fast mai
? train from Chicago?' said the engineer
i as he munched a sandwich at the rest
ing place. No? Well, it's slieke
. than a square yard of lightning, and
| goes full pitch out of Chicago ever
| morning at O'Clock. In my opinion
t it's about the fastest thing in this coun
r try. Well, one of the mail clerks in
vited his wife down to see the train
| start;the conductor shouted all aboard,
{ and the clerk leaned over to kiss hi
| wife, who was standing on the plat
form, and bless me if he didn't kiss
l COW out at Riverside. Now, that
what l call fast railroading. '-Nea
, | York Sun.
l An amusing incident occurred recent
) ly in church in the west Of London
e One of the church wardens was OF
2 served to cast uneasy pIances toward q.