The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-05-07
DEAF.
How reter DuHy Was Saved From Going
Into the ARMY

, During the darker davs of the war
, When It's holiday features had 0iyel
, place to genuine blood and universe
sorrow; when the dazzling uniform
mad been dragged through the mut
! ana aust OF many campaigns. and the
SOIL OF every southern state had syaI
lowed up the dear dust of brothers and
sons, and when the roll of drums and
the nash OF swords no longer won new
recruits to deaths grim carnival, there
came the draft, with all of the horrors.
Dllt none OF the dearly-bought glory of
volunteer service,
feter Duffy. an Irish blacksmith
with young wife and a large family
OF helpless little children, was amonG
the hrst In southern Wisconsin to draw
sorrowful prize. He felt that he alb
soluteiy coq Id not go. He tried every
way 10 eVade the call to certain death,
put met with nothing but chagrin, rid
icule and defeat.
One day, Hon. James II. Earnest
was speaking in the state senate. whom
messenger came and told him that a
man outside the senate chamber wished
10 see him. Owing TO some misunder-
standing, MIR. Duff was ushered into the
room. tie had good deal of hair,
which he allowed to grow in wild pro-
fusion: He did not hold himself re-
sSponslble in any way for that hair. His
mead looked like an old hair mattress
that had been turned wrong side Gut
Dy cyclone and deserted by its friends.
he became the pynosure of all ewes.
| h9 speech lost its interest and came
to close
Now, Peter" said MIR. Earnest.
whats the matter with yon?"
estimator, I'm kilt, I'm cold carnse
Me wife is WILDLY. They do have me
grated, ,lim. There's only half a
MOLE heehune me aud partdoise. |
want you to see the President, or Jitf
Davis. or Gineral MickLillan, or some
OF thin byes and save me loife Ii We |
can do it, Jim, I'm gorn oop, and me |
wife is weepin WILDLY bound for the
poor house beyant. Hip me out, Sin
ator, Pass bill making it q tiionY ON
the hoigh SAGE TO- graft All Irish orpan
INTO this gineral massacree. DO that, |
Jim, and I'll pray for We all me loife,
and the Lord knows you made it, too.
and Ill do all yer blacksmithin' at half |
proice,''
Mr- Earnest thought all those things
were impracticable.
''Peter," said he, s'y0u seem 10 he
elected by an overwhelming majority
and I N afraid your resignation would /
not be accepted. Unless you fail to
pass the medical examination, you'll |
have to go, guess"
Then MR Duffy thought of some
thing.
''Sinator, to tell the trooth, l can't
hear very we'll meself. Whin | was an
apprentice, a red mool knocked tha
day loights out of me and impared me
listener"
Mr.. EaTnest had never noticed this.
but he really didn't want to see Duffy
go, and in the kindness of his heart he
the idea little. He even
went over to see Dr. Hoyt at Camp
Randall. and while they made some
scientific experiments with lemons and
sugar and spirits, he drew the CONVEX
satIon toward Mr.. Duffy
The next day Mr.. Earnest told Peter
to come down to the Park Hotel and
visit him at his room, At the appoint
ed hour Senator Earnest produced a
list Of questions and told Mr.. Duffy
that he would have TO answer these
Patiently they set to
work like class Of students who have
secretly secured list of queries prior
to the day of examination. Every day.
after the legislative session had closed.
MIR; Earnest would repair to his room
n company with Mr.. Duffy, and they
would go through the rehearsal. Fin.
ally, the time for Duffy's examination
came, and Senator Earnest had to 90
20 Camp Randall to assist. A question
would be propounded to Peter, and he
would turn with great gravity and
to Mr.. Earnest, who sat by
him, and ask:
"What do he say Jim?" Then Jim ]
would bawl the question into Duffy's
,f ear. The examination went on first I
ate, only that Earnest nearly died {
rying to keep straight face. Finally |
anne the last test, which generally
'aught the impostor. DR.. Hoyt turned I
With great disgust to the other exam {
ming surgeons and said;
'"Gentlemen, we don't want this !
lump ON log. He can't hear any i
hing. think we had better leave the
wooden-head at home, 7
Vhere his family can attend to him and
ee that he don't miss the resurree- q
ion,"
This was said in q low tone of voice +
catch the unwary Irishman, but
lowly he turned to Senator Earnest =
nd gravely inquired:
''What do he say, Jim?"
Then Earnest, red in the face with
Impressed emotion, beloved into
'uffy's best ear: :
-doetoF-says- s-you-can't- t
He-thinks you c
-stay-here- -where-your l
family -call--your- attention '
Bill Nye, an c
Ieao York Mercury :