The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-31
THE MERRY SIDE

abbreviation of "gibbet."
-
The dealer in Holiday goods who displays his
goods to the women and children, is sharp, and
full of business.
Cincinnatians dislike the play of "The Two
Dams" One Dan. is about as much as Hamilton
county can stand.
Congress has accomplished something already.
The disabilities of the Rebel General Lawton
have been removed.
This is busy season for q first-term Con-
gresham. He is arranging his territory for the
of seeds.
When the two fellows got into a fight on
skates, the by-standers declared they had
started a rolling-mill.
Nothing changes the name of whisky like a
sudden death. 1t is either "heart disease" or
pneumonia" then.
The poet Browning is said to have destroyed
all the family letters This will be a sad blow
to the literary liars OF the future.
+.+
Fitz-John Porter always bobs up about the
time Congress meets. He will get his forces
close enough to hear Logan's firing.
80
yellow Boy" Comanche Chief, blew out
the gas, in Texas town, and died. He smelled
quite natural when they found him.
No use for Myers to lecture on sunshine and
shadows of politics, at Cincinnati. They don't
want anything but the shadow there.
Santa Claus travels with rein-deers. That's
why so many men have to rein their dears in-
aI1o - Of
-.s
Gen. Toonbs had endorsed for friends to the
extent of two hundred and eighty thousand
dollars. No wonder that he was popular!
The man who went into the doggery said he
was 'going to buy an undershirt!' In short
time afterward his friends bought him shroud.
"Hope, deferred, maketh the heart sick )" read
the parent.
"But not SO sick two-cent cigar, smoked!"
thought the small boy.
*n*
The u. S. Government educated q Cherokee
Indian, and he Immediately went over into
Canada and went to swindling Indians.
4.+
The Dolphin has gone on trial trip. Secre-
tary Whitney should have been fastened up in
the hold before starting. Then he would have
WncGner sue was SeaWOrbDy.
49,
"It's poor investment that won't return two
per cent. of an increase said the Cincinnati
judge, as he solemnly changed 10
a g..
The American Consul General, at Berlin, has
insulted Mr.. Pendleton, Minister to Germany.
Thus, already, are our Foreign Relations dis
turbed under Mr.. Cleveland's administration.
The Salvation Army presented petition a
mile and a half long for the pardon of editor
Stead, in London. If they had had more paper
they might have made it stronger.
The Cincinnati police lock men up for asking
for protection. Well, man who hasn't any
more sense than to ask protection in Cincinnati,
ought to be locked up in an asylum.
"What position do you occupy?" asked the
land-lubber of the man who was in the habit Of
sitting upon the river bank.
"I'm fiat boatman !'' was the reply.
+.s
They had a circular hunt near Winchester,
Ohio. to catch panther. But there was no
panther in the ring. There wasn't even an
or tiger.
The liquor men were beaten by the Prohibit
tionists before the U. S. Court, in Georgia, but
they will now carry the case up to the Court of
the State of Georgia.
"What are you doing?" asked the mother of
her little girl who was scribbling on papers and
sending them up the chimney.
"Only writin' a Santa-clause!
An old Texas farmer says the women "don't
know nuthin." He made his daughter a pres
ent of beautiful calf. She tied a blue ribbon
around its neck and named it 'Bessie.'' But it
wasn't that kindr
A South Carolina man, hearing that an Ohio
girl was making fortune by showing her big
feet, started out exhibiting his big mouth. But
be didn't trayel long. They called him home
and elected him to the Legislature.
They are sending American children who
were bitten by dogs to Paris for treatment.
Hope they won't begin sending away people
bitten by sharpers. Portions of the country
would be depopulated in six months.
The Democrats in Columbus are getting ready
to celebrate ''St. Jackson's Day. Possibly they
might call up the gh ost of Old Hickory, and get
aim to express himself with reg ard to the DEM
ocratic Supreme Judges. But the preachers
should all leave the room first
Parent reading-"It was "calm,"s till night
and the moon was just "rising," as the gay
Smart School Boy, correcting-"It was a
Gavin" still night, and the moon was just
'rice"-ing, as the gay "lawfter--"
Wife-"Well, the darkest no ur is just before
lawn"
Husband-"I don't see ft!'
Wife because you don't get mp early
Beat woman's tongue, will you?
-
A man named Cole, in Clark county. scoffed
n church, and good brother prayet for him
% be seized with lock-jaw. Immediately his
mouth went shut like steel-trap. After a
while his mouth opened, and he was converted.
fhe only hope for the Clark county scoffers is
% either be converted or go to church with pine
sticks in their mouths.
''I'm opposed 10 the drafted ChineseG" said
very musty-looking individual in front of a
aundly.
"Why 2" asked man standing near.
"Becoz they can't do nuthin but wash"
"And some people eant't even do that!" was
The reply.
Vincennes, Indiana, is the only town in the
country having police who thoroughly under
stand their duties. A committee of Council
made raid, and found one policeman at home
n bed, another dead drunk, another in house
If ill-tame, and the fourth drunk in a saloon.
"De turkey said the Vrginian, as he walked
lway with the neighbor's bird, ''wiu lose jis'
one-fo'th in dressin'. Supposin' dis yer weighs
en pouns, dressed-den Pm jis two pouns an a
lalf loser"
"Pa,'' said little johnny, 'does Santa Claus
all all the stockings in the country in one
night?"
''Yes, why?"
because, that's the reason. s'pose that
hey paint him with such big, strong stom-
ach.''
A Mansfield Democrat wants sherman to de-
oase the tariff question with Connecticut
prOpeedS a ne cd to charity