The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-03-25
BILL NYE ON DRUsKaRps.
He Makes to the Public a Fair Propos


ton.
In the matter of temperance, writes Bill
Nye 10 The San Francisco Ingleside, | may
say that no one would pick me out a. q radt-
cal on either side CT the question. II is my
doctrine that the evil of intempersnce will
WORK its own destruction when the proper
time comes. We may get pretty weary
waiting for the day OF our emancipation, but
il is certainly unwise TO make the cause of
temperance obnoxious by feeding il TO pso
pie day times. and then waking them up in
the night TO ask them if they have vic ated
thsir solemn obligation. You may convince
a reasoning human being, but you can not
teach him q great truth by painting il on
any board fence n the civilized world. and
then running him into those board fences
till you have smashed his nose several times,
and taught him to despise both you and the
cause you represent.
The above solemn chunk Of philosophy
was written for me by a warm personal
friend, who told me that when I got tired of
writing mere froth and foam and foolishness
for the amusement of a s~orrowing world, and
viahed to put together q few sentences of
sense 10 surprise the public with, he would
be tickled to death to come around after
Office hour and write me q few without
charge.
But it was not on the subject Of temper
ance itself that | started out to speak. Ide-
sired to PROFOUND IN the readers of The In
gleside 8 conundrum or queery. 1t is this:
Why is it that when q mar becomes beastly
drunk, idiotically inebriated, and ~hilariously
full, he will start Out at once with what re-
naming strength be may have to hun me
up and converse with me till his lower jaw
gets loose aud falls of on the ground with q
sickeDiDg thud?
Is il because | am good nstured, and show
unusual conversational powers, or is it be-
cause the idea OF hunting me up and ssso-
cistiDg with me does not occur to q man IN
til be is very. very drunk
Hcwever this may be, il is indeed a chilly
day when / do not spend an hour or two in
social converse with g man who is uproar-
iously drunk, sleepy drunk, confdentially
drunk, teaTfully drunk, affectionately
drunk, maudlin drunk, musically drunk,
incoherently drunk, sorrowfully drunk,
abusively drunk, politically drunk, oritor-
ically drunk, admirably drunk, critically
drunk, disorderly drunk, peacefully drunk,
ornamentally drunk, or just simply drunk.
he may be in a neighboring State when
the wild, ~ungoYernable desire comes over
him TO put something N his mouth which
will ultimately steal away his brains unless
he has taken the precaution to have them
concealed about his person, but in the first
stage of his ineDriety lie gets q ticket to
where / am, and then he goes on with the
debsuch. He generally finds me at last, and
be sails up TO where | am and begins TO con-
verse. 1t seems to me now that q great
deal of my line is taken mp in conversing
with parties who meet me on the street or
at stations or in hotels, and then talk with
me several hours at a time while under the
Hfiuence OF Intoxicating liquor.
/ presume 800 men have held nee by the
bal and sworn that everything they had
vas at my service. Money, clothes, houses,
jewelry, or anything else they had was none
too good for me. Then they would ring my
rand again end start to go away, but they
would Away return and talk some more,
and when | would swoon aud fall over they
would reluctantly go away. When / ven
tuIed to remind them the next day of their
kind offer to supply me with funds they most
generally fail 10 call it to mind. Sometimes
they ask me in an injured tons of voice If l
expected to hold a man responsible for all
the promises he makes to the innumerable
common fools he meets while drunk.
So | desire to give notice in this public
way that on and after this das l shall not
hold any more air communications
with common d~runkaGds. and, as | a to
be perft city fair and just toward all. l am
willing to bind myself in a similar way not
to converse with sober people while l may
be drunk. Now II their be anything unfair
or unreasonable about this proposition l am
willing to alter it, so that no one can find
fault with it. l want TO do exactly what is
right, and l do not require anything what
ever of others that l am not perfectly will
ingimyself to submit too.