The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-10-15

THE MERRY SIDE !.

THE MERRY SIDE!
Motto of the "Prohibition Party" "vote as
you BRAYp'
Well, suppose Halstead did want Chase to kill
Lincoln. Chase didn't do it.
An exchange speaks of the scause" of labor.
1t isn't cause, at all-it's a necessity.
Ex-senator Thurman waved the cred ban
dana" in opposition to the "bloody shirt"
There are good many souls lost, about this
time of year-by lying about winter apples.
The original "Artful Dodger' was the one
baked in the ashes, on the old-fashioned hearth.
Cincinnati is catching it all around. They
have had st. John, and De Witt Talmage is
coming.
There is one argument in favor of the electric
light. There can be no shortmeter lying, as in
the case of gas-pipe.
"Don't be contentious, my son !" said a fond
parent-"nothins can kick so hard mule,
Out ne UOn l KNOW H1ucu
A New York man who saw a COW rubbing
herself against pump, declared that she was
"caressing her best triend.''
The "Greenback Party" held meeting in
Missouri one day last week. There were just
enough cf them to adjourn.
+x*
The Cincinnati Telegram lost their files for
CtAar
They were probably swept out.
The Commercial Gazette gave scoring of the
Enquirer by Bishop Elder. Now comes the
Bishop and says he didn't say it.
Adam Seel's bakery, in Portsmouth, was rob-
bed of over three hundred dollars. Now Adam
is hunting the man that "takes the cake"
Our young friend Gessner forgot himself in
writing from this county tothe Times-Star. He
thought he writing circus-poster.
There is talk of making Carl Schurz a Civil
Service Comm issioner. This would be the last
ludicrous act of the screaming face.
"What's the use of lying?" asks the Cincinnati
Telegram. Why, man, haven't you been in the
newspaper business long enough to find out,
yet?
The sexton of church at Buffalo, N. Y, was
found dead in church cellar. They claim that
he shot himself, bat he probably starved to
death.
-
Mother Stewart is credited with saying "We
are going to elect Leonard-listen for the slogan
on the 18th of October. Hist Listen Has it
sounded yet?
MagdaIena Hiss, of Columbus, asks for di-
vorce from Andy Hiss. She claims that the
Hiss is the worse because he has had snakes for
three years.
Steve McEnally, of Detroit, killed two men in
two minutes. If he had gotten hold of better
grade of whisky, he might have beaten this
record.
When the newspaper said "brilliant we'd
Ding" it confidered it a "light" affair When
the couple were divorced two years afterward,
they did too.
How glories fade! The geraniums which a
few days ago bloomed in beauty upon the
lawn, tied in punches with twine
strings, and hung up in the cellar.
Margaret Miller, known as Coal Oil Jack, -
died very suddenly at Washington q. H. Poor
Jack" despaired of ever making as bad a record
as the "Cosl Oil'' Democracy, and died.
+.+
Beecher says "a mans home should be the
hilltop of serenity, so high that the shadows
cannot reach it," Then Henry should move "a
little further up the hill.
Sam. Cary exhibited at several places in Ohio
during the campaign. They say Sam. hasn''
forgot how. that his Jaw is as timber and his
conscience as suple as ever
The cool Autumn days are here, and the
young man will look down into the gun, to see
# that old load is still there. Possibly he may
blow into it. Then it will blow into him.
man named Murphy assaulted and brutally
beat Gen. A. J. Smith, in st. Louis, last week.
Wen bet the air was blue with profanity about
there, unless the old General has joined church
since the war.
The Mayor and Police of Wheeling have be-
gun telling on one another before the Council,
and their conduct is so nasty, on their own tes-
,imony, that the Council will have TO take to
the woods.
Geo. Howell, of GAINESVILLE, murdered his
moth erin law, and fatally stabbed his wife. 1t
would be cruel to keep George shut up until
Court. They ought q take him out and hang
him, right now.
John Robinson's Show wrecked in a railway
collision! If the cyclones and railroads con-
tinue TO get in their work, what are we going to
do for shows next summer, start the st. John
out?
It would be pretty hard to tell what a game
of ball was by reading an account of it. For
''This was the first appearance of
Strong, the new pitcher. He was well caught,
and well supported, but they could not hit him
at all.'
"Mother, do you want your son to go down to
a drunkard's grave?'' howled the "Prohibi-
ton" orator, looking straight toward a lady in
front of him. She Immediately got up and
flirted out. She was an old maid.
In Pittsburgh, the tailors are going to print
the names of persons who viii not pay their
tailors' bills, on the programs of the theaters.
But the plan will not work. 1t will make the
program too large.
Senator CulIom has quit speaking at Fairs,
because, as he says, "the most brilliant Senator
has no chance against a horse-race or a fat
cow Probably there's more meat in the COW
than in the Senator's speech.
A Ptckaway county Democrat has sued the
editor of the Union-Herald for ten thousand
dollars damages. Wen bet that his lawyers
won't agree to take as their fee per centage of
what they get.
'Woe to Judge Zane when the limit is reach
ed, as it will be ~ said Heper ]. Grant, in the
Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake. The limit
was reached. Judge Zane put on the full pen
atty of the law, for unlawful habitation,
against several MormonS.
81
c. D. Lester, of Iowa, an old man, committed
suicide last week, and the report Is that "no
cause is assigned for the deco. But hold! He
was Deputy Sheriff OF Erie county, N. Y, while
Cleyeand was Sheriff. Isn't that cause?
That mans SOUL" said the preacher, in
e.king of an evil-doer, sis mortgaged 10 the
n. ~