The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-07-11
AMUSING RRRvrr1Es.
lChambers' Journal.l

l LbOtC e0S AA1atV1 8o0 AA1OIG (0USk&utAY 1us sisted upon then at present As an Amer ican paper says, we insist that all aEt, all literature, and all emotions shall be brief.
 It is the age ot epigran. Even the uni. versal impatience engendered by the restlessueSs and hurry ofth time, should
 De satisfied with the terseness, for ir. stance, which describes a bad cook as one who makes a hash of everything except mutton; an unsatisfactory meal, as domestic broil and the average prize-6ght of the day-a paper mill. We are reminded that it is harder for a
 woman to hold her tongue than for a man to hold . baby; that in q game of cards a good deal depends on good playing. and good playing depends on a good deal; and that getting into a pas sion is great deal like getting into a
 barberry bush. The bush comes out all right, but you don't. The hardness of the world is laconically hit o6 in the say. ing, "Evesy rose has it's thorn, bat not one thorn in hundred has its rose" Not bad answer was made by a sportsman returning from the marshes, when asked if he had shot anything "No," he said !; @but have given the birds good serenading"
 Yes, sir" said Jenkins; "Smithers is man who keeps his word but then he has to-" "How is that?" asked Jones' Because no one will take It." "Mercy me what are those horrible sounds up stairs z" ~ Oh, that is nothing but dear George. suppose he has lost his collar stud again"
 The art of condensation was evidently studied by the journalist who reported |: A colored gentleman went into black smiths shop with his coat-tail full of pow der. He came out through the roof" This reminds us of-A quarryman said he couldn't see any danger in smoking while he was handling powder. He can't see anything now. A poor American who complained tsat he was like the moon at his last "quarter "-was as witty as the man who advertised a clock for sale which kept time like q tax-gatherer. A good advertisement appeared on a sign In the far west: Here's where you get meal like your mother used to give you" But for the graphic illustration of the nH|fHm fn Parv0, what could beat the travelling dentist m the United States, which bore the startling announcement, 2th pulln'7
 As pithy as some of the foregoing, but more satirical, is the description of a man said to be so mean that he wishes his landlord to reduce the price of his board because he has two of his teeth extracted. Severer was the remark of man, who. hearing that an acquaintance had married again, exclaimed Stupid donkeyl He didn't deserve to lose his first wife" A famous preacher remarked that it is pos sioie for man to be christian and be- long to brass band, but that it would be difficult for such a mans next door neigh bor to be christian.
 Nothing makes a bald-headed man madder than to be accused of never clean ing the hairs out ej the comb, says an American; and an old darkey observed that A man would be heap better of 1t he was as particular bout do whisky he drinks as he is bout de water." Some what satirical is the announcement that there is man in New York who manu. factures diamonds for actresses to lose. | They are sold at so much a quart.
 There is a good deal of quiet humor in l the few lines in which certain country 1 paper commented on political affairs The scarcity of new hats in the street shows that very little interest was taken in the election" Another humorist ob- serves: Slt takes eight hundred full blown roses to make tablespoonful of perfume; whilst a shilling's worth of cooked onions will scent neighborhood."
 A Chicago hotel.keeper recently had a man arrested for stealing a cake ot soap. The man pleaded in extenuation of his offense that he wanted it for his collec- tion of curiosities, it being the first cake of soap he had ever discovered in Chi cago hotel. Equally sarcastic was the reply of one of the auditors of political orator, speaking of certain general he professed to admire, and said ho was al- ways found where the bullets were thick est "Where was that2' asked one of the crowd. "ln the ammunition wap- on l" shouted another.
 "'m from Mir. Brown, mum-gentle- man what lives across the way. He says won't you please shut them windows when the young lady's a-playing ?" |" But thought MT. Brown was musical him. selfs" That's the reason, num-"
 At party, young lady began q song, The autumn days have come ten thou sano leaves are faliing." She began too high. "Ten thousand r she screeched, and stopped. "Start her at five thou sand !" cried an aucdoneer present.
 A lady in registry office observed: am afraid that that little girl won't do F. for a nurse she is too small. 1 should hesitate to trust her with the baby." Clerk: Her size, madam, we look upon as her greatest recommendation" Lady: 4 indeed ] But she is SO very small" Clerk: "! know that she is diminutive but you should remember that when she drops a baby, it doesn't have so very far to fall"
 A physician much attached to his pro- fession and his own skill, during his att tendance on . man of letters, observing that the patient was very punctsai in talk ing all his medicines and following his rules. exclaimed in all the pride of his be illr1