Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1885-07-09

From the Chicago Tribune
"You see Martha got in the habit Of sit
ting up for me at an early age, and she can't
break it off. couldn't persuade her to go
to bed aud mind her own business, so /
studied on the matter We live in one of
the center houses of Il block ofiiye-story-and-
attic buildings. There's scuttlcs in the roofs
of all of them, and persuaded Mr.. Green
up, who lives in the adjoining house, to let
me in his house last night about o'clock,
and | went up through his scuttle and over
to mine, and so down into our bedroom. |
could see Martha from the head of the stairs
sitting in the front room cycling the clock
with look that was very tart chrome.
But undressed and quietly got in bed, and
there | lay waiting developments. Every
now and then I'd hear Martha give a short
fidgety cough. Then III hear her get up
and prance around the room little, and by
and by go to the front windows and slam
the shutters.
After I'd lain there about an hour, heard
her get up and go stand out on the front
steps for good five minutes. Then she
came in and slammed the door and locked
It and commenced coming up stairs. Every
other step she'd say Oh, the wretch.
Won't / give it to him | know where he
is know where he is He needn't think
to deceive ne Oh. the villain Bout
the time she had nearly got to the landing
| think she must have seen the lightstr
ing out of the door that I'd left ajar. !
could hear her stop and then commenced
to snore. ! was afraid to look, you know,
but could feel her cautiously come up to
the door and look in Well sir I'd have
given my pension from the war Of l776 to
have seen her about the time she saw il was
me. I'll bet it was fun. But was afraid
to do anything but snore. Then she came
into the room, and, by the way she breathed
and stood around, had to nearly bite my
tongue off to keep a straight face on me.
could feel that she sat down in a chair and
was dumbiounded. never let on but kept
on snoring like thunder; but when she
kicked over chair turned and pretended
to wake up, kind Of dazed like, and says:
"Why, Martha, dear, amt you come tC
bed YETI"
'Jarphly.' said she, awful slow and sol
emn like, when did you come i'm
"'Why, it must be four or five hours ago
Don't you remember when | told you no
to go to sleep again in the rocker; but t
come up to bed = and / turned over and pro
fessed to go to sleep again.
"She never made any reply, but acted il
dazed, bewildered sort Of way, and when
she got to bed l could tell she didn't sleeI
a wink for three hours.
"This morning it was fun to watch Mar
tha. could hardly keep a straight face
At the breakfast table, and all the time
was about the house, she'd eye me when Tc
notice her. she'd turn away and be awfulll
busy at something She caught me kind o
grinning once, and, by George, though
the explosion was about to come. But j
didn't though the look of blank, unfathom
able suspicion she wore on her face all th'
time was the greatest show on earth. /
nearly broke me up, and I've laughed til
my ribs ache ever since. know it won
last. know there's a day OF repenting q
coming, and the thermometer Is going ul
clear out of sight in the Jarphly family
But who's going after trouble! tn com
soon enough without hunting it, aud In
going to enjoy that scuttle in the roof unit
the explosion comes"