Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1885-11-05
a CASE or rooTnAcHE.


The TALE Of Sufferer Who Wishes to
Know Whether He Is tho Toc.h or the
Other Fellow.
Reader. did you ever have the tooth.
ache until your bundle grew too heavy
for your weary soul. and you would
gladly tumble over by the wayside and
kick off this mortal coil?
All, ha! methinks did. and as far as
my experience goes did not like it
One night not long since l was sud-
denly reused from pleasant night
mare (where l was a captive held by
two parties of Indians that were draw
ing cuts to determine whether they
would have me boiled or stuck on a
stick and roasted whole over the iire)
to surprised activity. BY my dreaming
l suddenly changed to fish. and some
one in their reckless hurry to string me.
jammed wire up through my gill. into
my eye. That brought me to- While
lay wondering whether l had been
Blown up on steamboat, carried away
by cyclone, or had on roller skates it
took me again. Gentle reader. have
been travelling man; / have been run
over by the cars. and never dented;
have tempered with the deadly mule:
have nonk.yed with the buzz saw
while in motion-but when that was
sprung on me. came very near faint
ing. With one wild, blood-curdling
whoop 1 cleaved the air like a sky
rocket. When came down l lit on
the water-pitcher and smashed it. And
when felt pool on the foo l thought
it was my life's blood. Then l arranged
myself that 1 might look well as a
corpse.
Just then my wife began to show
symptoms of life. Presently l heard
her gentle voice calling:
arthur, Arthur. where are you?"
Here 1 am, dead. weltering in my
gore.''
With very creditable scream she
Topped out of bed, and started for
matches to light the gas. Unfortunate
ly INSTRUCTED her passage, and just as
she fell over me seventy-siX of those in
fernal dearh-dealers lit in my jaw all in
o flock.
Iwould be pleased to present to your
notice the fact that ] jumped. hoped,
screamed and said some very ancient
names over, numerous times.
My wife. thinking some deadly foe
was graphing with me, made i. uitless
efforts to shoot me with presS-bOard.
But. finding this effort unsuccessful.
she changed her mode of warfare, and
hit me over the head with it.
..FOr Heavens sake, strike light"
l gasped, and while she tremblingly lit
the gas. danced around on one foot.
endeavoring with both hands 10 keep
the top of my head from getting away.
When the light N,wned on this inter-
esting scene she managed to under
stand that l was afflicted with the
toothache.
"Why, Arthur dear. why didn't you
say it was your tOOtn?'
Haven't been yelling the news for
the last hour. more or less? Now. |
suppose, YOU intend to let me die right
here in my tracks" just then it smOte
me a stab that made me snort. |
longed to shed this world. but it stuck
to me, and so did the toothachc.
My wife hurried down stairs and
after very diligent search, found some
toothache eXtingui>her. 1t seemed as
though she applied the remedy with
whitewash brush or window cleaner. ut
least she had surprising luck in getting
it anywhere but in the tooth. 1t felt
decidedly as though she bu 1t bonfire
under my chin, boiled my tongue. bis
tered my nose and allowed all my
testh to escape.
There. that will do if you please.
You may end this celebration. Send
John after Dr. Pickette. and we will let
him pull it. Tell him to have the doc
tor bring all his d ssecting outfit, meat
saws and bone-hooGs. Well remove
the cause or unravel my whole system.
In fifteen or twenty minutes the doctor
came. Just as quick as e tooth heard
him coming in. it stopped aching. But
he took rivet.ng hammer and
drummed round in my mouth until he
located a ripe tooth over in the north
east quarter of section ten. range one.
west. Then he armed himself with a
graphing hook and quietly invited me
to open my mouth. 1t flew open.
mot quite SO wide. Pea {, l shall
work from the outside.
He then lowered down his tackle;
shall always think he fastened to my
spine, but he says he didn't Anyway
he picked me up and shook me until
with Il iinal flip it pulled out. or rather
flew off. Since then have been spend
ing my time trying to solve the problem
of whether l am the tooth or the other
fellow. Sun.