Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-03-04
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

Foreign scientist. ~ never was II
such luck. This morn ing picked vi
q piece Of volcanic rock, hardened B.,
ages OF IRE and pressure, and yet o
most marvellous smoothness." Ameri
can scieDti Indeed! What IL II,
shape and size?" lit liz oval in shape
about three inches long, two inchs,
across, aud one inch In thickness.
think It mupt be some form Of fin
reduced to that size and shape by tn,
| action OF water" "How delightful,
In erestinRi Where did you find it?'
"On my washstand. Here 1t Is" Alb
l see. That Ia not volcanic rock. ;
mot! Why, what is 1t "IIotel soap.
Somebody, 1t seems, has been at con
| siderable pains TO discover the fact tina
newly married Turkish lady who's,
mother was Circassian, is only half 9
Tartar. Somebody" also BELIEVES
that her fathers mother must bsv,
been likewise Circassian, in which cas-,
she IL only one fourth Tartar. Tn,
lady's husband says he only deplore.
the misfortune that her paternal grand
fathers mother WAS not also Circassian
as then the bonny bride might remov,
the superfiuous hair from his head with
the tffete. washed-out lapguor of one
eighth Tartar when he returns home TOT
early from the B0khara club.
An eminent French doctor has found
very good means OF getting rid of the
ingenious pers0ns who stop him in the
street and say: "Ah! doctor, 1 am
glad i have met you; I wis lust abou,
70 call upon you. have . queer paiu
In my side" The doctor does not dare
TO count this impromptu consul tation
In the bill. He then says to the man
who stOps him in the street. "Shut
your eyes close-close! Now show
me your tongue. And he bolts of.
% wish to look at some mourning
GOODS" said lady, rs she on tered the
draper's. Yes madam" said the
shop walker; -" this way please" Al
ter looking through the entire stock
she remarked that she would come
again In day or two. May ask. "
said the shop walker In sympathetic
tone Of voice, " If the death occurred
In your immediate femily ?" There
has been no death yet" she replied
sadly, but my husband Is very low. "
How did you come u have corned
beef and cabbage ?" asked Snifk!n az
he entered his domicile the other night,
and got Whit OF the combination tina,
lifted his hair. 8" To kill the smell of
that paint - she replied. 1.-THE next
time you are going to have corned beef
and cabbage kindly let me know, will
you ?" Why 2" why, 80 that /
may engage nome painters TO come and
give the floor coat to kill the ensuing
smell"
The 28s joke has reached Wheeling
frAs =
onesays: Say. did you hear that story
the other, excit.dly, "what is It ?"
Oh, IT'S too gross, too gross entirely"
replied his companion in mournful
voice. Tell away" resumed the
first, and I'll try to stand IT,"
WELL" exclaimed his friend, GA IN
one gross, and 2S8 liz two gross, ism I
IL ?'
II is much easier to he polite and
neighborly than to fly into passion
when things do not snit you. Take
this no'e AZ an instance, and addressed
by lady to q neighbor next door !:
Dear Madam,-YUur children, WHO
are numerous, and appear to bs disor-
derby, NO doubt deserve the frequent
fioggings you give them but, as my
nerves are weak, / write this TO ask II
you can't do something TO deaden the
sound"
There's deal of human nature
ABOUT human nature" says some ore
who knows. TIE other n ight we heard
piquant little lady exclaim "How
awfu,ly jolly II Is that the cholera prin-
cipally confines its attentions to the
poor Then she nibblea anchovy
toast In a delightful dainty manner,
smiling, and asked us what we were
shiveriDg for.
Two gentlemen are disc ussing third.
while the coach jolts painfully over the
uneven surface Of the street. "He's
a sad scoundrel, fear" says one Of
the gentlemen. "Not such sad scoun-
drel, replies the other, as the vehicle
plunges into hole In the roadway,
las you" "Wh- wbat?" Gas Won
think" says the other, triumphantly
recovering bis breath.
A woman deranged in her intellect
stopped clergyman In the street with
this salutation: 'There IL no truth in
the land, sir-there Ia no truth In the
landl" you do not peak the truth,
my good woman" replied the clergy.
man. "Oh. yes. | do, returned she,
hastily. "Then there IL truth In the
land, replied he as quickly.
No, Da'am - exclaimed o provok-
cd young man to young lady, who,
on the refusal of her favorite, had asked
him TO accompany her to party 81
don't play second fiddle to any one. ;"
No one asked you to play second I'D
de-" replied the girl, with q smile ::
" l only asked you to be my beau"
A new game, similar 10 hide and
seek, Is becoming very popular In this
country. 1t Is played as follows: Al
cashier In q bank takes the money of
the institution and disappears. Then
the detectives try to find him. II they
succeed, he comes home and has to-
pay a forfeit.
Hint Tor Hose who fb about the
weather: az never remember any,
thing like this season for dryr ess. Three
months without any rain" Bah,
that's nothing. Now, in 1851 remem.
Der, we Gid't have drop of rain for
eighteen months!"
A physician, driving in the mud and
rain the other day was upset in ditch.
Some persons, seeing the mishap, went
to his assistance. Wiping the mud
from his mouth and eyes, he said
Good morning, gentlemen what can
I do for you ?"
After supper at ball. George
"Without joking, Ellen, I do really
adore you. When look at you there
Is snch commotion in my breast"
Ellen: And in mine, too, George, II
really think 1t must be the lobster sal.
ad."
A Paris Judge refused to hear case
against wife who had thrown her