Arizona silver belt., 1885-02-14
WIT AND HuMoR.

pieP" Yes, Filth, we will send the re. csipt in the very first mail after we re- ceivo tho pie.
 A bachelor, upon reading that 1.-two lovers will sit up all night with only one chair in the room. said 1t could not be done unless one of them sat on the loor Such ignorance Is painful.
 An Indiana colored lawyOr, in trying to get his client out of custody, ex- claimed; ''Da is law called 'hahhis carcass, an Tze goin' io hab de car cass ob dat client ob mine, dead or alive"
 What is thisP exclaimed 8 Bur lington lady as she opened letter and something like q crumpled postage stamp feil out ''0h. yes; remember now. It's that Boston bathing suit l ordered for Nellie"
 A recent advertisement in morning paper read; When will my own love returua Jane" The next day the fol- lowing appeared: ''When does the old man leave town3 Tom" It is believed that the two have some sort of connec- ton.
 Just think os it," said Q VSssar graduate, "here is on account of a train being thrown from the track by mis- placed switch. How utterly careless some women are about leaving their hair around" And she went on reading and eating caramels.
 Sturgeon tells an amusing story of the old lady who started up, when her grandson was about to take her um- brella, eXclaiming, No, now, you don't I've had that umbrella for twensy-three years, and it's never teen wet y0Ii and you ain's going to begin.
 ''les, they arc excellent boots." said the shoe dealer to tho young lady pur- chaser, "they will wear like iron" '.Do you think the buttons are sewed on securelyP" she asked "rbey are; The boots are supplied with the old maiu's wedding button, new inyen- ton" "Why is il called the old maids wedding bulton2n ',Because it never comes GG
 An Atlantic City paper says that the greatest sight of the seaside Is the board walk in ihe evenings. The board walk is new name for skipping out and neglecting to see ths lRudiady. The evening is poor time for board walk ing. IL generally occurs later in the night wben the landlady is sweetly dreaming Of the brown stone front she will buy wilh her summer profits. -- Br0oriyR ltme&
 Sam Bennett of San Antonio, being at Galveston 9 few days ago. went into barber shop to get shaved, and whiio there got into row with gentleman who wanted tO get his hair trimmed. They disputed IS to who was next Hi see you later, said Sam, 'this is no place 10 have d.fiieuIty." ''Thars iust where you are mistaken. There can be no more appropriate place than q bSrOor snOp to razor TOW. "--7erGs Sytmgs.
 4 talking bore In this city, and A medical man, caught hold of tne button of 8 gentieman's coat the other day, whom he met on Main street, and held him there in conversation. Alter 8 weary time of it, the gentleman took out his penkniie and cut the button from his coal, leaving it in the talking bore'S hand. He never noticed that his friend had gone. but with the button between bis fingers went on talking as lively as ever. H.de RRRipeg Siftiags,
 The monk d0es not always cease to be Q man, The members of an orni- biological congress that was lately held at Vienna visited, with their wives, the wealthy Bcueiicline monastery at Melk, on the Donau. The spacious coasters, rich dining hall, well filled library. scientific collections, gardens, park, the lovely view and generous collalion raised their admiration b tha utmost As they left m enthusiastic lady said to one of the younger monks: ''You are in heaven here. /" He was equal to the occasion. .'Ws should be-" he replied, ''but we lack the an- gels. ."--ArgoaauG
 ''Is my shaving agreeable to you, slr?" & loquacious barber asked GUS toner whom he had baen haying alive. My wife would admire 1t very much. rather indefinitely replied the man un- der torture. "Ah,' said the barber, with great complacency. "ladies are often good judges of their husbands being well shaved. And you think mine will suit, sir7' No doubt of it in the world. It was only this morn- ing that she became angry because 1 told her I could not afford to buy her a spring bonnet and said l ought 10 be skinned alive" The barber lost hiIn-. self in reflection. - Pitts64rg Chronicle.
 Farmer John Mary. the new hired man, you kuow, Is s German. We'll. he says that he is personally acquainted with Dr. Koch, the great scientist, and once did him such q great favor that he knows that Dr. F,och will be glad to reciprOCate. Mary Well. dear, what of it?" Il told him to write to Dr. Koch for some cholera germs. T Horrors! John, arc you crazyp' No, dear, but you know cousin Sue in the city is bound to come here on a visit with nine of her children Now, either we have got 10 luke her or catch the cholera Which do you prefers" Send for the cholera. John. "--i ibitadeiDisia LaA.
 "Are you going to help me put down the carpets, JohnP" $ pose SO; where is the lacl,-hammerPn tits in the bar rel of dishes--no, it isn't-yes, it is-- 2h, l know now; put 1t in Q bandbox wi.h your new Sunday hat" Just like . woman; never knows whore any thing is; hat ruined, like enough; where is the handle of the hammerp" "th. l packed that up witt china Set; yCh'il dad il. dear. at the bottom of tho box." Now, who'i going to stretch this carpet. heyPT a'Me. dear" ''WeiL stand tnere. Gracious, can't pull hundroi pounds Of dry goods along witn The carpet. On, dear! I'm going to have it, l believe" "pn make you | cap of tea my dear You can drinS it cut of your shaving mug. It'll bo just like a picnic. VI Bostoa i0sL
 'Once upon time,n began the