The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1885-08-27
NO22

"You needn't complain, you've got the
drop on them; you put off punch sermons
on them. That's about even.
Trust in God and do your duty, !" that 3
1t. and brother I've never yet known a
faithful sacred man to want, and that s all
we can have in this world-what we eat
and wear.
Said one of these rich fellows to me,
Jones, do you want us rich men to scat
ter our money all over town? What would
become of us2" l said you will have it
back in twelve months. All you'll
lose will be only one years interest
that's all. They Will have it again if it is
turned loose tomorrow. That's true.
Affinities sometimes determine some
questions. thrust in the Lord and do
good" Do your duty, and this world has
never witnessed the fact that you should
not be cared for in this life. don't mean
that man should turn loose and do moth
ing IN the world but sing and pray. 1t is
my religious duty to work as well as pray.
| never saw areal lazy man in my life that
had any confidence in his religion. A
lazy preachet-Of course you haven't any
in Ohio-is aman whom God will not have
much to do with. A fellow gets religion,
he gets it in his blood and muscle, all over,
from head to foot, and it makes an indus
trious man out of him. 1t will make
woman Industrious. There are women in
this world who haven't struck a lick OF
work with their own hands for years.
They board and lay around and about all
they do is to is shop, shop, shop. He'll is
full of such women as that. That sort
cannot go to Heaven.
IdOn't care how much you work-it'S
Christian. If you're worth a million dol
lars, what's that compared to Cincinnati
Suppose you own all Cincinnati
that compared to Ohio And if you own
Ohio, what's that compared to the United
States? And what's the United States
compared to the world /? Suppose you put
two worlds like this in your pocket and go
to the dog star to stay all night, you
wouldn't have enough to pay your bill, and
you think you are some one if you own
few nickels They re the poorest thing a
fellow was ever loaded down with. You
can scatter nickels along the way ten feet
apart, and you can toll man into hell
with them. You know what sort OF ami
mails you can tell. Pm not rejecting on
any one here, mind you. I'm just insin-
uating as reference" as the old fellow
said.
''Get all can-keep all have.o is the
curse of the world and the Church. That's
it.
Take the next promise HE will give
you the desires of your heart" That's
bigger promise than the other. Do you
know how to get everything you want
delight thyself in the Lord. !" There is
too much moping and sad religion in this
world. It's not religion-it's not Chris
tianity. That's what l mean. Many
with long face, as if his father was
dead, and left him out of his will, without
a cent. If the Lord God. my Father, had
done that couldn't look heap worse
than great many of these Christian
people. Some of us think it's a sin to
laugh.
One good. sister went away the other
night and said II don't like so much lev
ity.n Poor old soul, l hope you're much
better by this time. If you take tonic
to-day, you will be still better tomorrow.
levity? Crack these jokes one at time
and you1 find every one of them has the
red hot sting of hornet tangled up in
it....and you'll get stung. If you think it is
levity it's because you have levitous minds.
There is no levity in this world: so it
seems to fellow who has dyspepsia, but
not to a naturally healthy man. The only
levitous thing about it is l hold up the
looking glass and you people laugh at your
CdICdSSeo I6IleCb6u Gu6I0s
Religion never was INTENDED to make
our pleasures less, and in eternal loyalty
to God l yield the palm to none, and man
shall unchristianize me because l don't
NOPE about like some of these fellows. If
they want dignity wait until die and I'll
be as dignified as any of you. Just wait.
What's preacher any more than man ?
How can a religious man be any more sa-
cred Tell me that. | wouldn't do a
thing at home 1 wouldn't do at church.
Want to drag the Church down? No, L
want to drag home up. Some people are
solemn, serious and very pious at church,
and they'll come to church as pious and
slick and say, Il don't like that merri-
ment." You old devil you-you ought
to have your neck broke.
The reason why the church makes no
progress in this world is because every
fellow goes at it as if the Lord was work
ing him to death and paying him nothing
for doing it. That's about it.
If this sad, solemn, dropping, digniied
piety is what makes your religion, want
it before l die, but don't want it until
just about minute before / die-I don't
want to be loaded with it while live. II
religion means l shall NOPE and cry and
must not laugh, it would be too short to
stretch myself in and two narrow to curl
myself up in. delight thyself in the
Lord" Have you ever been to prayer.
meeting in Cincinnati or a town prayer
meeting?
The preacher walks in solemnly and
almost noiselessly, and the old brethren
come in and scatter around the church as
far apart as possible one brother is
called to sing and another to pray, and
then after prayer they'll go home sneak
ingly and call it growing in grace.
Oh, Lord, what a lonesome time they have
had. The Lord don't go within mile Of
'em and the devil gets in. / would as
soon pray to make shade tree out of my
walking stick as try to grow in grace at a
meeting like that. It's disgrace to us,
and yet the old corpse says: Il don't ike
such merriment at church, and so much
levity at church. l wish you would make
piety in crying. There's no meanness in
laughter. / tell you as long as the light
of my Fathers face shine on me l am
going to carry smile through the world.
Whenever man can't laugh he's in need
of a liver medicine. There's something
wrong with him. Many fellow in this
country has mistaken a disorderly liver for
religion--a miserable old dose it is to carry.
I don't care whether man laughs or cries
at church. l want to know whether he's
a good husband or father and a good neigh
Dor.
1 want religion that will keep me
straight, and not one that keeps my mouth
shut and makes me to cover up my mean
ness with my looks. The matter with the
church is, it is hidebound. Some of you
don't know what that expression means.
1t means your hide gets full and wants
loosening up. These Methodists are like
patent medicines-to be well shaken be-
fore taken.
We have Disguised the world with our
religion-it's not attractive to the race,
because our religion is without joy. glad
ness, smiles and songs. want every man
to go witha quick step to prayer-meeting,
and the first song let them break out on
'sAll hail the power of Jesus name'' with
a rush, and call on some brother to pray
with rush. and let him drop on his
knees and pray with rush, and let him
stand up and sing with a rush and talk
with rush and go home with rush.
Let's get little more get and git in our
religion. ''[Amen. u Itll do good. This
three-mile-an-hour lick won't keep ahead
of the devil. 'sDon't he use slang' they
say. Yes, these slang phrases are the
strongest we have. | can use a slang