Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-09-18
A sHREWD DECEPTION.

A sHREWD DECEPTION.
THE Remarkable Powers Of Colonel Atlantusl;
Plndergrasl. 3Iss8
One day, after deep meditation, the
Prince of Orange remarked to Benz
timex: To the ravages of strong
drink the human system resorts to va
rious resistances1y yielding versatile re-
suits" This remark, although it en-
bodies no particular philosophy,
either inductiye, syllogistlc, recon-
structive or democratic, has caused
much comment. si w i s$s III .it
1t is true that there is 8 great differ
ence in men. concerning the power of
resistance against the influence Of
strong drink, and although no man
wholly escapes, yet some men while
strugg ling under the effect of liquor,
can completely deceive a beholder.
There is Colonel Atlantus Pindergrass.
for instance. If You did not know
that he was drunk You would not
think that he had been drinking. He
has way Of standing on the tipt0e of
such politeness, a way of saying such
pleasant and appropriate things, that
his lntoxication is hidden under q
bushel of agreeableness. !.
The other day Mr.. Martinhead went
home with the colonel. The colonel,
his wife and Mr.. Martinhead were sit
ting in the parlor when Miss Sallie
Pummcl, an old maid who had enter
ed her thirty-ninth volume, called.
The colonel presented his friend, and,
satisfied with the success of his sober
pretense, he leaned back and smiled.
Then he began TO think about some
thing, and, the thought that his two
visitors had not been presented, occur
red to him.
''Ah. Miss Pumrnel, allow me to in
troduce my friend MIR. Martinhcad.
1--WE have met, replied Miss Pun
mel
"Ah, I didn't know that you were
acquainted.
The colonel's wife cleared her
throat with sharp rasp of irritation.
The colonel continued: IL have
thought for some time that would
like Tor you to become acquainted, but
it never occurred to me that you were
old friends.'
"Colone', let me see you moment
said Mrs. Pindergrass. drawing her
husband inso an adjoining room.
''What's the Matter with your she
asked.
"Nothing.'
Nothing, the mischief. You are
drunk.'
drunk. he repeated conternptu-
ously. ooh, of course. A man Just
gets drunk ON the atmosphere
well, ! can tell you that the atmos.
pherc when you are around is quite
enough to make any one drunk. You
must have been smelling your own
breath"
HAS it come TO this? Do you want
TO insult ne9 What have l done?'
"Why. just look how you acted
about introducing-'
"Oh, | See" said the colonel, with
frightening change Of countenance.
at was my fault-;t mere matter of
forgetfulness.
Then, stepping into the parlor, the
colonel said: "Miss Pummel, allow me
to present Mr.. Martiphead.
''Miss Pummel and I are acquaint-
ed.' replied Mr. Martinhcad.
THAT so? Why, let me assure you
you to an old friend, why, that's a
good joke, haw, haw--a capital joke,
he, he. Wife let me see you q min
ute"
you've got me into pretty fix, !"
said the colon"!, when his wife had
followed him into an adjoining room.
'.ToldAme those folks was. not. ac-
quainted. You ought to be particular
about such things
You ought to be killed." his wife
Indignantly snapped.
what have [ done?'
"You good-for7notning thing, you
have made yourself ridiculous. You
are the most despisable man ever
saw
'l'll be COMPOUNDED if I can under
stand you.".
"You are too drunk to understand
anything, you BRUTE"
Look here, l am tired of being in
suited" The colonel wheeled around
ind went back into the parlor, where
ne proceeded to make himself agree.
able and to disguise the fact that he
mad been drinkihg any thing. "Why,"
said he, show many surprises there
are IN store for us. We meet people
every day, and then, when we least
expect it, they surprise us. Why, if
anyone had told me, Martin'ead, that
veu had gone to school to Miss Pum-
mel l would not have believed it,
.'He didn't go to school to me-
snapped MISS FUNNEL.
"Ah, that was my understanding.
Martinhead.
No, sir,' interposed Martlnhead.
''Oh, you simply went to school to-
gether. Yes, got it mixed. but not
much, l do like to see old friends
meet each other. Let's see, I've
known Martinhead for ten years, Miss
Pummel, but not until to-day did /
know that he was an old friend of
yours-no, not until to-day
Mr.. Martirhead, pleading the sud-
den recollection of urgent business
withdrew, and Miss Pummel not de-
string to remain after her old friend
had gone, soon took her leave. The
colonel. not long afterward tpmhled
into bed. When he awoke next morn
ing he remembered nothing except
that he had deceived his wife.
"A man wanted me to tako a drink
with him yesterday, but I wouldn't 90
it," said he. -. .,y.u,.% =.
His wife did not reply. .,.y . . =
''By the way. our friend Martinhead
would have come home with me yes
terday but couldn t get of. >, ~
Yes, some men have a way OF con-
ealing the fact that they are drunk.