Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-04-26
JOHN B. COUGH
FINDS A POPULARITY ON BROADWAY
WHICH AsToNIsHes HIM.
Spree Condensed into an Hour-An In.
toxicated Dandy In the Lobby ofa
Theatre-spider Toboggan-
Ing.

t''Uncle Bill's" New York letter.
Time and labor are wonderfully econo.
nzed in this rapid town. John b. Cough
has discovered this truth, and at the same
time learned something new in his time worn
topic Of intemperance. 81 didn't Think he
said to me, shat there was phase Of evil
anywhere in the civilized world that
| wasn't familiar with, for I've made
hobby of temperance reform
for thirty years and more. have studied
nebriety in every quarter of the civilized
earth. and among some of the savages be-
'ide', and yet find here in your New York
popularity OF the curse which astonishes
me. What mean is tnat the facilities for
going on sprec, without the loss of any
time worth mentioning, are sumptu-
)usly provided. Broadway is lined with
bhar-rooms for this special purpose.
The business or professional man may start
from his downtown quarters at or s
o'clock and arrive at home for dinner az
drunk as n lord--having got so during his
walk up Broadway. l counted between
Wall street and Thirty third street forty one
saloons with particularly inviting exteriors--
absolutely gorgeous in the decorations, which
could be seen from the street, and, am in
formed, correspondIgly handsome inside
and the majority cf them close at o'clock
In the afternoon as soon as the patronage Of
men on their way home is over. Thus
spree can be- condensed into an hour be-
tween the business Of the day and the
recreation Of the evening Isn't it hor-
ribe"
So 1t is And yet one can't always be So
date in the contemplation of intemperance.
For instance, the intoxicated dandy whom I
saw last evening in the lobby of a theatre
was too funny to be regarded seriously. He
was in full evening dress. Doubtless he be-
longed to that minority of our population
who estimate culture and social worth by
the standard of swallow tail coat, holding
that the man who goes out in the evening in
one is gentleman, and he who doesn't IS
mere person. This fellow was in the limp
and dawdling stage of inebrety, when his
sensations were far more ute than his de-
meanor indicated. He leaned back against
the railing, with an idiotic grin on his face,
and his eyes drooped so that a friend though:
him asleep
"Sthop, he said, on being shaken, "you'n
sphoil t. sport"
"What sport, old chap" was asked.
"T-t-tobog ming"
"Tobogganingl What's the matter with
youf Brace up, and don't make spectacle
of yourself"
"Hushl Look here. Sheo this fellow
and he indicated a spider that was slowly
climbing up the lapel Of his very low-cut
vest; "that's fellows t-t-tobog-nng on my
shirt front, and s'spect he'll break his
blamed neck next time down. Watch'm."
The insect had now gained the necktie of
the dude. and was stepping onto the glossy
surface of the shirt. A score Of spectators
eyed his exploit.
"Now hesh off, CALCULATED the wearer Of
the snowy BOSOM
The spider tried to crawl across the poll
ished space, but it looked as though he
really meant to slide-which he did, in spite
of his best efforts, and slipped down with
all the celebrity Of a toboggan. BIT it was
his fatal trip a predicted, for heI to the
tioor dead. And the yels of laughter fright
tened the audience almost into panic, on
the supposition that there was fire.