davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
A Devil Fish One Hundred Feet Long.

Capt. Keene states that, when fishing
on the Grand Bank, in latitude "A de-
grees north, longitude so degrees west
approximately, he found floating at
the surface near his vessel one of the
large squid, the body of which, meas
ned as accurately as it could be from
a dory, was fifty feet long, while the
tentacles, all of which were intact and
uniniured, were longer than the body,
making the entire length more than 100
feet. The tentacles were larger around
than the body of stout man. He cut
the squid up and boated aboard three
dory-loads, probably about three tons
weight, and he estimates that there
were at least one or two more boat
loads which he left to float away. /
had previously heard of fishermen
finding pieces of tentacles, etc, which
might belong to animals nearly or quite
as large as the one above mentioned,
but have never before met with any
one who has had the fortune to see
entire such king of mollusks. The
information which he furnishes seems
to be of more than ordinary Importance,
since it enables US to form more accu-
rate estimates of the maximum growth
attained by these great devil fish,
Letter TO Prof Baird, Fish Commits
eiO3ler
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
BrOken.Hearted..

A man bought, by weight, turkey
from an old negro. When he took the
fowl home he discovered some five OF
six pounds of lead in the cavity re.
served for oysters. Indignant at such
an outrage, ne sought the negro and
exclaimed:
Look here, you old thief. what did
you mean"
"Doan say muffin, boss. Use broken
hearted"
whats the matter wild you?"
"Wife got drownded in de riber."
"Tm sorry for that"
ooh, it's awful, sah All Lawd
whuts goin' to come o. my po' chillun p
The gentleman went out, and the ne
gro said: Didn't make so much often
dem blame shot. Cos me ten cents ell
poun,. Desc white folks harder un
harder ter git erlong wild every day. ~
ArkdnsdsC TrdUeter.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Extent OF the DistiIling Business.

According to the census of 1880 the
whole number of persons employed in
the production of distilled liquors oi
all kinds was $500. The census re-
turns of that year show that there were
sixty-three branches of industry, in
cluded under the head of manufactures
alone, which were more important, be-
cause furnishing occupation and sup
port to greater number of the people,
and at least twenty-six of these exceed
ed the business of liquor distilling in
the value of annual product, although
the distilling business is one of those
which yield very large nominal value
in proportion to the number of persons
employed and supported--Ne,o York
Tribune.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
A Gong in . Queer Place.

An eminent clergyman, travelling in
the East, wrote home letter in which
he quoted the passage of Scripture
about "the sound of going in the tops
of the mulberry trees The type
setter, not very familiar with the Bible,
mistook the "going" for the word
"gong." We could scarcely believe our
eyes when we read about the sound of
n gong in the top of the mulberry trees.
We did not believe that it could have
been possible that a man had climbed
up into such place with that familiar
hotel instrument of music IL he had
reached that elevated point with gong,
he would not have been able TO poise
himself well enough to strike it to any
advantage. We felt disposed to pro-
nounce the whole thing TO be libel,
until we thought IL must have been a
typographical error.
But what writer er speaker has not
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
The Professor at the Party.

Prof. Charles Hitchcock once visited
England, and in a recent conversation
with friend he remarked: by the
way. / got into the Court Journal
when / was in England" Indeed" the
friend replied, with interest, "and how
was that?" "Oh," returned Mr.. Hitch
cock, airily. at was in the report of
the Duchess of So-andso's garden party.
The Journal described the affair and
gave a list of the guests, saying that there
were present His Grace the Duke OF
Connaught, his Excellency the Minister
of this and the Honorable Colonel thus
and Others of minor Importance. II
didn't hear your name, though" the
friend remarked. ooh, l." replied the
Professor, twas one of those others OF
minor importance. BOSTON Courier.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Alternately shaken an scorcbed

by the paroxysms Of chills and fever, the
wretched sufferer for whom quinine has been
prescribed, essays in vain to exterminate the
dreadful disease with that hurtful palliative
which at best only mitigates the violence OF the
fits and eventually proves highly injurious Ia
the system. In order to effect thorough cure
of malarial fever. whether intermittent or re-
mittent, or to render the system impregnablC
TO its attacks, Hostel er's Stomach Bitters
should be used daily. That this medicine Is a
searching eradicant of diseases generated by
miasma, and reliable safeguard against them
IL Is unnecessary; but were IL either essential
or desirable to do so. IL may well be supposed
that from the testimony corroborative of its
claims. which has been accommodating during the
last twenty-five years and over, sufficient proofs
might be gathered to convince the most invet-
crate skentic
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

MENsMAN's PERFORMED BEEr Tonic, the
only preparation OF beef continuing its en-
tire nutritious properties. 1t couta ms blood.
making, force generating, and life staining
properties; invaluable for indigestion, dys-
pepsls, nervous prostration, and all forms OF
general debility; also, in all enfeoblcd condi-
tons, whether the result OF exhaustion. nerv-
Gus proStration, over.work, or acute disease,
particularly If resulting from pulmonary
complaints. Caswell, Hazard & Co., proprle.
tors, New York. Sold by druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Worse than Firearms.

The editor of an Omaha paper, in CON-
menting on several cases in that city where
children died from the effects of taking
cough syrup containing morphia, remarks
that opiates, poisons, and narcotics are
more dangerous than firearms. Mothers
should note this. and furthermore that
different Boards of Health, after making
careful analyses, have certified that the only
purely vegetable preparation of this kind,
and one that is in every way harmless,
prompt, and effective, is Red Star Cough
Cure. Mayor Latrobe, of Baltimore, and
the Commissioner of Health have publicly
indorsed this valuable discovery
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Coughs, Colds, Group, COnsump.
ton, and Remedy.

OF all the multitude of fearful ills that
prey upon and destroy the human mce,
consumption stands out with distinctive
prominence as the most alarming. A cold
at first, then q neglected cough leads to the
development of this scourge of mankind.
One remedy that has survived the test Of
trial is Aliens Lung Balsam, compounded
from the purest ingredients and free from
all combinations of opium. For coughs.
colds, Group, bronchitis, and all other az
fections of the throat and lungs it stands
unrivaled. 1t approaches so nearly spe-
cifc that. with the common sense directions
around each bottle strictly complied with,
ninety five per cent. of consumptive cases
are permanently cured by. this invaluable
remedy. The safety of every family would
be consulted by keeping bottle of. Aliens
Lung Balsam in the house and have it
ready for use when coughs. colds. and Group
make their unwelcome intrusion.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
A Grinding Monopoly.

why, Jones, what q stranger you
are. Where have you been SO long?'
II haven't been able to be out for the
last two years. You see, the party for
whom I have been working does not
deem it proper to allow his workmen
outside the building"
"A grinding monopoly; no wonder
you left them. For whom were you
working?"
"For the State
ooh; good-by."-Boston Times.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
A Married Mans Experience.

at was fearfully cold last night,
said Smith to Jones one morning. II
had to get up in the night and warm a
brick to put to my wife's feet"
"Why didn't you try my plan?
slept by myself last night, and put the
cat at my feet. The eat kept them per-
fectly comfortable. Tell your wife to
try the experiment.
"She has tried it, but it won't work.
why? Didn't the cat keep quiet at
her feet?"
-Oh, yes; the cat kept quiet. II
froze to death in five minutes "-Nelc.
man IsadeDendent.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

Get hop bt.ers that pever-faiL
The weakest woman, smallest child.
and sickest invalid can use hop bitters with
safety and great good.
-Old men lettering around from Rheu-
niatism. kidney trouble or any weakness
will be made almost new by using hop bitters
MY wife and daughter we're made
healthy by the use Of hop bitters and
recommend them to my people. -Mctho-
dist Clergyman.
Ask any good doctor II hon
Bit ~ not the best family medicine
On earthlll
Malarial fever Ague and Biliousness viii
leave every neighborhood as soon as hop
bitters arrive
MY mother drove tho paralysis and
neuralgia all out of her system with hop
btters. ed. Os,rego Sun.
es- Keep the kidneys healthy with hop
bitters and you need not fear sickness"
= Ice water is rendered harmless and
more refreshing and reyiying with hop Bit
ters in each draught.
The vigor of youth for the aged and in
frm in hop bitteis.l
AT the change OF life nothing equals
| Hop Bitters TO allay all troubles incidenti
Thereto"
THE best periodical for ladies to take
monthly. and from which they will receive
the greatest benefit is hop bitters."
Mothers with sickly. fretful, nursing
children, will cure the children and benefit
themselves by taking hop bitters daily.
Thousands die annually from some form
of kidney disease that might have been pre-
vented by n timely use of hop bitters.
indigestion, weak stomach, irregulari-
ties of the bowels, cannot exist when hop
bitteIs are used
A Of rv,
Bitters will keep a whole family
In robust health year at q little cost
To produce real genuine sleep and
child-hke repose all night, take little hop
bitters on retiring.
c1-Eone genuine without a bunch OF green
Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile. pols-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Badly Cut Up.

Smith met with lamentable acci
dent yesterday"
"How was that?"
"He was on his way to call on his
girl when the train ran off the track
and capsized."
"Too bad. He must have been dread.
fully cut up about it."
"Cut up? Well, I should say he
was. They couldn't find one of his legs
at all n--Gr0Dhic.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Important.

When you visit or leave New York City,
save baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire. and
stop at the Grand Union Hotel. opposite Grand
cost OF one million dollars. reduced TO 81 and
upwards per day. European plan. Elevator
Restaurant supplied with the best. Horse cabs
stage. and elevated railroad To all dcpote. FsmI-
lies can live better for less money at the Grand
Union than at any first-clsss hotel in tho city.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
CArARRHAL HEADACHE.

Il think Ely's Cream Balm is the best
remedy for catarrh j ever saw / never took
anything that relieved me so quickly, and
have not felt SO well for "A long time. i used
TO be troubled with severe headaches two or
three times week, but since using the Balm
have only had one, and that was very light
compared with former ones.-J. A. Alcorn,
Agent u. p. X. II. Co., Eaton. Colo.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Marvellous Isestorations.

The cures which are being made by Drs
Starkcy & Palen, 100 Girard street, Philadel-
phia. in Consumption, Catarrh, Neuralgia,
bronchitis, Rheumatism, and all chronic dis
cases, by Compound Oxygen, are indeed
marvellous. III you are a sufferer from any
disease which your physician has failed TO
cure, write for information about this Treat
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

If the poor fellow who had only one
talent had thought to put it in skat-
ing rink instead of hiding it in the
ground, he might have scooped the
other brethren and bought out the old
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

4 Hundred Years might be spent in
search OF remedy for Catarrh, Cold In the
head and Hay Fever, without finding the
equal OF Ely's Cream Balm. II is applied
with the finger. Being pleasant and safe, it
the use of all liquids and snuffs.
Its elect rs magical. 1t relieves at once and
cures many cases which battle physicians.
Price 80 cents at druggists. go cents by mail.
Ely Bros, Owego, N. Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

CHARLES LAMB, the essayist, noted
for his ready and unexpected wit, was
once asked by lady, And how do you
like babies, Mr.. Lamb" when he in
instantly replied, Boiled, ma'am."
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

An Exquisite Skin Beautifier and Toilet
Requisite Is Blossoms Aromatic Alum Sulphur
Soap" Its exclusive use will soften aud beautity
Complex on, prevent, heal and cure Skin Dis
eases: excellent for Children and Babies: 25c,
OF Druggists, or by mail Of VIM. Dreydoppel,
PHILADELPHIA Pa
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

BEST French Brandy, smartweed. Jamaica
Ginger, and Camphor Water, as combined in
DR.. Pierce's Extract of Smart-Weod, is the
best remedy for collie, diarrn1a, cholera
break up colds, fevers, and inda mmstory
Attacks, II used carly.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Horsford's Acid Phosphate.

: DR.. c. v. Dorsey, Pilua, Ohio, Gays: "a
have used II I'm dyspepsia with very marked
benefit. IL there is deficiency of acid I'm the
stomach, nothing affords more re lief, while
the action on the nervous system Is decidedly
leneficinl"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

Cough, Cold, or Sore Throat
should not be neglected. Browns BRoN-
cHIAL TRocHEs are a simple remedy, and
give prompt relief. 20 cts. box
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
rs THERE no balm IA Gilead?

rs CIItTc 10 pnysICIHn tnercF
Thanks TO DIR. Pierce. there rs a balm I'm his
"Golden Medical Discovery''--a 'balm for
every wound" TO health. from colds, coughs,
consumption, bronchitis, and all chronic,
blood, lung, and livef affections. or druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

SOMEBODY wants to know why circles
please the eye. We don't know, any
more than we do why rings control in
politics.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
g Fools Rush In, Where Angels Fear to
Tread.,s

So inpetuous youth Is often given TO folly
and indisoretions; and, as result ncrs GUS,
mental and organic debility follow. memory
Is i'm naircd, self con n1encc Is lacking; nj
night bad dreams occur. premature old age
seems setting I'm. ruin is In the track. In con.
ndence, you can, and should write To DIR. Il.
v. Pierce. OF Buna'o. N. ", the author OF "A
treatise for the benefit OF that class OF pa
tients, and describe your SYM tons aud
suffcrings. He can cure you at your home,
ana Will send you full particulars by mail.
''NoNE but the brave deserve the fare" re-
marked the conductor boldly pocketing the
unregistered nickels.-Life.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

A FRIEND thinks that the winds must be
great mathcmatic.ans because they sikh for
ever.-Bost0n Tfdhscup'.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

IL fellow really wants niche I'm the
Temple OF Fame he has got TO come up TO the
scratch
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
NEW EvIDENCE:

ADDISON, Pa. April T. 1885,
took violent cold and il settled on my lungs, 20
much 80 that at times spit blood. ALIENS LUNG
BALSAM was recommended 10 me as good remedy.
I took IL. aud am now sound and well.
Yours respectfully A. J. HILEMAN.
ADDISON. Pa. April. 1883.
A. j. COLBOM, ESQ. Editor of the Somerset Hetud,
writes: can recommend ALIENS LUNG BALSAM
being the best remedy for Colds and Coughs ever
used.
ASTORIA, Ills. April 6, 1888.
Gentlemen IL can cheerfully say your ALIENS
LUNG BALSAM, which bave sold for the past fifteen
years sells better than any cough remedy and gives
general satisfaction. lis frequently recommended
Yours truly, H. Q. MOONEY. Druggist.
la FAyErTE, n. l., Oct IL. 1884.
Gentlemen ALLOW me 10 that after using three
bottles of ALIENS LUNG BAISAM for a bad attack
of Bronchitis. am entirely cured. send this vol
UNFAIRLY, that those afflicted may be benefited.
Yours respectfully, BURRILL II. DAVIS.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
Common SGlSGAdViCe
He Who Becomes a Treasurer Of
Money for Another Is Respon-
siSle for a Safe Return.

How nuch more responsible is he who has in
charge the health and life of human being.
We have considered we'll the responsibility, and
in preparing our ALIENS LUNG BAL
SA NJ which for twenty-five years has been ia
vorably known one of the best and purest
remedies for all Throat and Lung Diseases we
are particular TO nothing but the best ingre-
dents NO OPIUM in any form enters its com,
position IL Is to your interest TO stand by the
old and tried remedy, ALIENS LUNG BAL
SAM. and see that bottle Is always kept on
hand for immediate use. READ THE FOLLOW
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

A TEXAS stecr--giving man twcnty-four
hours to leave town.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23
A PHYSICIANS ADVICE.

II you are suffering from general de-
bility, nervous prostration, sinking
spells, etc. superinduced by impure
blood, weak kidneys and liver, etc. do
not resort to alcoholic compounds, nor
use remedies that cause too great activity
OF the parts affected. 1t isfar more wise
to use mild Alternative like Or. Guy
sott's Yellow Dock and Sarsa-
pari..a. This remedy contains nothing
injurious TO the most delicate constitu-
ton. and it's use gradually builds up and
strengthens. while diuretic and cathartic
compounds tear down, wear out and de-
stroy.
DR.. Guvsotfs Yello,c Dock and Sars-
apariila restores impaired or lost organ
ic functions to their normal condition,
and it invariably gives satisfaction TO all
who use 1t.
Do not forget that any druggist win
procure the remedy for you, especially
when they find you will not be persr AIDED
to try some other preparation on which
they make more money. You will find
it's effect most wonderful. y.ur old
energy viii return, your natural force
come back, and you will feel altogether
new person, fun Of health, strength
and vigor. Former invalids speak highly
of the preparation, and all acknowledge
it a perfect health res'orer, especially in
diseases of debilita ing nature having
tendency topoison and thin the blood,
thereby weakening the urinary and d.
gestiye organs, and exhausting the brain
and nervous system.
ssrWorn ont and enfeebled con-
stitutions, suffering>from dyspepsia,
impure blood, weak kidneys, nerv-
BUSINESS, etc., can be cured by using
This remedy. Take no other.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

is beautiful, all but her skin.
and nobody has ever told
her how easy it is to put
beauty on the skin. Beauty
on the skin is Magnolia
Balm.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

E1-Nonc genuine without a bunch Of green
Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile. pcls-
onous stuff with Hop" or Hops" in their name.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21
Wanted Two.
IEsch

An amusing theatrical case was de- cidei lately in the city of Paris. The manager Of theatre was summoned by an actress, who prayed that he might be ordered to put up two gas burners in her dressing groom.
 cannot do without tvo iishts," ex. claimed the fair one, who was her own counsel [" mus, have one on each side ot the glass before which make my aT. arrangements for the stage. There is eniy one at present, co that can only ses the effect on q single side, and lhis subjects me to all manner Of annoyancea. Some times have one cheek too pale, while the other Is too red ct oshess. the Left eyebrow is darker than the right then have one shoulder winter than the other 1 make myself twenty vezp older on one side, and thirty on the other on the right look like a boarding school miss. wsiIs 1 am 6nishsd coqussss CD the other check This is snsaAcsahie."
 The court ordered the manager to sup. ply the nymph with the two gas burners tor which she had pesisiossd.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21
Ingsrsoli spd Providence.
fExehAage.l

h Bob Ingersoii's lecture at Rome, \. Y., Monday night, he said:
 !. They talk about special providence. 4 man wko vas saoas Co visit EDrope was detaiped and the vessel sailed wiih. out him. It went down with sIi es board. Tbis man said that is was . special provideuce that saved hisa. wonder what the two hundged souls that vent down thoaght about special psovi- dsnce. A ship load of missionasiss is e likely so go to the bottom ~ . ship load of pirates. Not long sgo tig6tning struck the Y. n. C. A. scoms h Wssh. inston, and my efics is h ths sane block That may have ben . case q special providspcs, bat t was vegy pocs masksmanship."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21

Bob CAnsieY and tAe Adnisal 0osA ten is
 we,ls but tAe poesical bridesmaid tells is better than anybody else, and she tola se to ma Losskea Wark4 a
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21

4 vemaa ia sene seaees cssaes ssc and be sued, bot shs can csopasis aa1 be ecnrted. d.-NSv X6rb NSwy
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21

protest married the handsome par be- fore him.
 There was a pleasant iittle breakfast, at which the bride looked bright and the bridegroom brave, and the admiral blended blessings and round dozens in his speech and 1 have heasd that they were xll very happy, and that when the bride was dressing to go away, she whis- pesed to the poetical bridesmaid, l shall be in no hurry to come home, dear {; I'm quite, quite happy. And rem member, if anything does happen, know nothing about 1t. And nos good-by, dear and, of course, Pn write to you every day, and Scsd me some cake so Pssss-n
 And below Art waited for her, with the few astonished guests and in moment they were driven of, with much joy in their yonHg hearts and mach rice down the back of their ycupg neckS.
 AS to how it all came out. ] am not quite certain. The Reverend Bob is won't to declare that he got . telegram from Dove that afternoon bidding him " Look after the iriar r Other folk say he knew all about it; bat this he stoaiiy dsniss. At all events, he and the little old lady joiasly and severaiiy discovered that evening one Aberpeshy biscuit, one de- canter that had Oscs contained sherry, and one Malvolio-lke old gentleman fast asleep in the refractory friars' penitentiasy of St. Dunstaa's
 There was nine days iaugb, of course. Lord Maivolio bore it with Lyceum-li like iymness, and now swears he vas well out of t bat the story Q tickied the duke that he forgave his prodigai soe for the sake ef his sweet daughter-i1-law, vho, by the wsy, has turned ors an ex- celleut wife.
 The little old lady could tell the story if she liked, but she doesnt; and her myaerious silence has been rewarded.