The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-07-23

ny Wascus
When was unmarried and could do
as pleased never carried q watch.
i never could understand the value Of
watch except as an article that might
be hypothecated in pecuniary emer-
gency. could always ascertain the
time, because every church and sample
room boosted : clock, and what was
tho use of purchasing what could be
had for nothing?
BY my system of consulting these
public time-pieces, l always managed
to make my connections right. never
entered q theater after the curtain had
risen, or reached the station at the
moment when the train was vanishing.
was made happy in more ways
than one by not having watch. ]
didn't have to tell fifty people the hour
every day, and l never worried about
the safety of the contents of my vest
pockets in q crowded horse-car.
One night / was awakened rather
suddenly. felt strange hand under
my pillow. 1t was burglars, feeling
for my watch.
Il have no WATCH" L remarked, as
politely as / could; "but you'll find a
dollar brass clock in the kitchen, il
you want to know the time
In his great hurry he passed through
the window, and L shuddered as ]
heard him trickling down through the
arbor below.
But after marriage it was different.
i was told that should wear a watch,
in order not to appear poverty-stricken
In the eyes of the world. L argued
that it would place me on par with
weasel-headed clerks whose bangs and
eyebrows meet. L was told that If
wore no watch every one would think
/ had one drawing interest for al
avuncular relative.
This seemed to be very subtle argu
ment in favor of having watch. And
besides, it completely upset me. i'm
agined on the same basis people would
fancy / had all sorts of things in pawr
that didn't wear, such as sealskir
overcoat, diamond rings, etc.
AS tentative measure, 1 got what
call to this day "patent-medicint
watch" because L bought it in drug
store. 1t was an advertising scheme e
attract people to the patent medicine
/ should much prefer to swallow tn,
contents of drug store than carry one
of those watches week. 1t had to bt
wound up every night, and took nearly
all night to wind it. 1t didn't keep very
that l might wind it for exercise. i
superseded my dumb-bulls until tn,
stem wore the skin off my thumb anC
forefnger When buried in profound
meditation, it was my custom to tax,
the watch out and wind 1t in an alb
stracted manner. just as others in {
similar mood pick their teeth or whit
tie. / stated at home that / merel,
purchased the patent-medfcine watch
to learn how to take care of and manip
Mate one before getting q more expen
sive specimen. ~ 80 va
This bit of news gave great satisfac
ton. L was looked upon as q good
natured, sacrificing being, VIII,
would soon wear long watch chair
stretching all the way across the chest
and emptying into two pockets. AS
reward was presented with watch.
The first day L, wore it / was told
was wrong by a man who had just Sc
his watch at some jewelers.. So
changed mine to make it agree will
his. 1t seems it lost time, and / MISE,
my train that night, thing I had new
er done when did not possess time
piece. - ,...f....,.. so
Every few minutes / was asked tn
hour, to get me accustomed TO pullin,
it out, and inside of a week 1 had &C
quired an artistic negligence and indif
ference of manner that was pronounce,
beautiful.
But the watch became eccentric. TIL
eggs that were timed two minutes b.
it came out as hard as cobble-stones
and. trying to regulate it by tapping j
against my boot-heel, / thoroughly dis
organized it, and was obliged to leav
it for week with jeweler, who len
me, in It's stead, great silver machin
that was ashamed to take out of M
pocket in daylight.
In short, when got it back / di,
nothing but miss trains. 1t was neve
right. 1t was either too fast or to-
slow. Sometimes / would start for tn
cars thinking had ample time, an,
reach the station after their departure
VI 6loO u WOuiu Dual v Oh ~ III alu AdA
kill myself to get there In time, onl,
to ascertain that had arrived half al
hourtoo soon.
1t would take too much ink to tel
how many sorrows and tribulations tia
watch brought upon me. / proteste'
against wearing it many time, but m
protests were in vain. Finally, / con
cluded that would allow myself to b
martyred, so 1 still carry it, but not TO
use. / wind it up about once a month
and never look at it. go by Tn
clocks see around me, as did before
and catch my trains and make all othe
time connections right don't like I
say anything harsh of it, because it
a nice watch, and il would be simpl
perfect if it could only keep the RICH
time.-Puck.