Connecticut western news. [volume] (Salisbury, Litchfield Co., Conn.) 1871-1970, 1885-04-08
WIT AND WISDOM.
A RAILROAD strike--a collision.
The type righter--the proof-read

II
The type righter--the prooi-roader.
NEVER fret; it will only shorten your
days.
NEVER stand long OF a corner OF o
street
NEVER abuse one who was once your
bosom friend.
NEVER reply to the Opithct Of a fool,
or low fellow.
NEVER speak in a contemptuous man.
ner OF womankind.
NEVER taste an atom when you aronot
hungry; IL is suicidal.
HArbMa cabs IL a common thing when
IL is mailing pitchforks.
NEVER spend many Of your evenings
away from your family.
A ouANoERY court Is one in which JUS
tice has an even chance.
NEVER anticipate too much; disap-
pointment is not pleasant.
The English policy in Egypt--False
Prophets and quick returns.
NEVER speak Of your parents ~ the
"old man" or "old woman"
THE zone more drink has made q
hundred thousand drunkarda.
A GIRL may be a good violin player
and yet not be able 10 draw beau.
WR propose that the phrase "money
no object" be amended 10 read money
no objection"
A POET sings: 'fThe jocund spring Ia
here" Yes; We never saw more
joakin' spring than this. ...
PBoFEssoR Mention an orido."
Student: Leather" Professor; "oxido
Of what" Student; "oxide Of Beei."
Exit Professor.
AN old friend is not always the per-
son whom IL is easiest 10 make q conf
dant of there is tho barrier OF romem-
bered communication under other cir
cumstances.
HEwas liknble man; aveet-tenpcrod,
ready.witted, frank, without grins of
suppressed bitterness or other converse
tional havors which make half of MS an
affection TO our frienda
LAFAYETTE had great mind, and he
knew what he was doing whom he as
sisted the United States. France "a
now getting large supplies OF canned
frogs from this country.
We often think We are Of great inn
portance 10 other people; that they must
be thinking of us and our Affairs; that
they watch our actions and shape their
course accordingly. In general we are
quite mistaken. ... "a
THE craze for lady barbors is dying
out After man has his face cut bias.
his throat shirred and his hair pompa-
doured and been talked 10 death, he
naturally returns 10 the male barber and
takes chloroform.
"wHY do bees make wax ?" asks q
farm journal. We do not know, unleaa
IL is because no one has told them that
the honey manufacturers arc willing 10
make IL for them out Of parafine-
Philadelphia Call.
In n fashionable novel the author
says: Lady Emma trembled, grew
pale, and Immediately tainted" The
printer, putting "p" instead of sf,n
rendered it, "The lady grew pale, and
Immediately painted"
An agricultural journal says; ''Spring
is the best time in the year 10 move
bees" IL may be; but II a bee settles
On your neck, or any other portion of
your anatomy, In the fall, don't wait un-
Ill the spring 10 move H.
A pooMATIoAb spirit inclinos a man 10
be censorious Of his neighbour. Every
one OF his opinions appears 10 him
written, as II were, with sunbeama, and
he grows angry that his neighbora do
not see IL in the same light
THE small boy feels that II Is tempt
ing Providence for leading grocery
firm to put large and luscious looking
oranges right ont on the sidewalk and
label them; "Do not fail 10 try those
oranges; they are very NICE"
Tine spirit OF liberality Is not merely,
as some people imagine, a Jealousy OF
cur own particular rights, but q respect
for the rights Of others and an unwil-
lingness that any man, whether high or
low, should DO wronged or tramplcd
under foot ....
A PITrsBuRo girl had her bangs blown
of in an explosion, and the company
settled with her for SIS. Bangs must
be high down chat way. Up here you
can get whole rink full Of bangs for
two shillings, and the music thrown IN.
-DansUille IN ~ Breese.
"MApAM, can you tell me why women
stop in the middle Of a street crossing TO
talk 2" "I suppose they do u for the
same reason that man PUSHES at the
top OF his speed 10 get across tho track
in front Of a train OF cars, and then
stands and watches the train go by"
"MR. SMITH, do you know the char
acter Of Mr.. Jones ?" II rather guess
1 do, ledge" "well, what do you sAy
about ?" "He amt no bad a man,
after all" "But, Mr.. Smith. what we
want TO know Is, is Mr.. Jones of quar-
relsome and dangerous disposition 7"
"wsll, ledge, 1 should say that Tom
Jones is very vivid In verbal exercise,
but when IL comes TO personal adjust
/ - l.. aE.fl a....- f. tka .nwts.at