Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1885-05-02
RAILWAY ETIQUETTE.
Timely and Important Rules of Con.
duct for the Benefit of those Who
Don't Know How to Behave
Themselves in a Sleeper or
Dining Car.

Many people have travelled all their
lives and yet do not know how to be-
have themselves when on the road.
For the benefit and guidance of such,
these few, crisp, plain, horse sense
rules of etiquette have been framed.
In travelling by rail, on foot, turn to
the right on discovering an approach
ing train. If you wish the train to
turn out, give two loud toots and get
in between tho rails so that you will
not muss up the right Of way. Many
a nice, new right Of way has been ruin
ed by getting a pedestrian tourist
spattered all over its first mortgage.
On retiring at night on board the
train, do not leave your teeth in the
ice water tank. If every one should
do so, it would occasion great con-
fusion in case of wreck. 1t would also
cause much annoyance and delay
during the resurrection. Experienced
tourists tie a string to their teeth and
retain them during the night.
If you nave been reared in extreme
poverty and your mother supported
you until you grew up and married so
that your wife could support you, you
will probably sit in four seats at the
same time, with your feet extended
into the aisles so that you can wipe
them off on other people while you
snore with your mouth open clear to
your shoulder blades.
If you are prone to drop to sleep
and breathe with low, death rattle,
like the exhaust Of bath tub, it
would be a good plan to tie up your
head in feather bed and then insert
the whole thing in linen closet, or if
you cannot secure that, you might
stick it out of the window and get it
knocked off against a tunnel. The
stockholders of the road might get mad
about it, but you could do it In such
way that they wouldn't know whose
head it was.
Ladies and gentlemen should guard
against travelling by rail while in q
beastly state of intoxication.
In the dining car, while eating, do
not comb your moustache with Your
fork. By all means do not comb your
moustache with the fork OF another
1t is bettor to refrain altogether from
combing the moustache with fork
while travelling, for the motion of the
train might jab the fork into your eye
and irritate it,
Ii your dessert is very hot and you
do not discover it until you have burn
ed the rafters out of the roof of your
mouth, do not utter a wild yell of agony
and spill your coffee all over total
stranger, but control yourself, hoping
to know more next time.
In the morning is good time to find
out how many people have succeeded
In getting on the passenger train who
ought to be in the stock car.
Generally, you will find one male and
one female. The male goes into the
wash room, bathes Lis worthless car
cass from daylight until breakfast time
walking on the feet of any man who
tries to wash his face during that time.
He wipes himself on nine different
towels, because when he gets home he
will have to wipe his face on an old
doormat. People who have been rear
ed on hay all their lives, generally want
to fill themselves full of pie and collie
when they travel.
The female of this same mammal
goes into the ladies' department aud re-
mains there till starvation drives her
out. Then the real ladies have about
thirteen seconds apiece in which to
dress.
If you never rode in a vanished car
before and never expect to again, you
will probably roam up and down the
car, meandering over the feet of the
porter while he is making up the por-
ter while he is making up the berths.
This is a good way to let people sec
just how little sense you had left after
your brain began to soften.