Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1885-02-13

which seemed likely to benefit her was a
continual change of air and scene. After
attending her for about six months, was
in conscience bound to in6orse the opinion
of her former medical advisers, and tell her
it would be well for her to try another
change.
My heart was heavy as I gave this adj
vice. If adopted, it meant that Philippe
and l must part.
But why, during those six months, had
not, passionately in loge as I was, won the
young girls heart? Why did she not leave
me as my affianced bride? Why did 1 let
her leave me at all?
The answer is short. She loved me not.
Not that she had ever told me so in words.
had never asks1 her in words for her love.
but sne must nave known-sne must have
known! When l was with her, every look,
every action of mine must have told her the
truth. Women are not fools or blind. A
man, loving as I did, who can conceal the
true state of his feelings must be more than
mortal.
Ihad not spoken; dared not speak Bet
ter uncertainty with hope than certainty
with despair. The day on which Philippa
refused my love would be as the day of
death to me.
Besides, what had to offer her? Although
succeeding fairly well for a beginner, at
present | could only ask the woman made
my wife to share comparative poverty. Ana
PhIippa! All! 1 would have wrapped Phil
ippa in luxury! All that wealth could buy
ought to be hers. Had you seen her in the
glory of her fresh young beauty, you would
have smiled at the presumption OF the man
who could expect such being to become
the wife of hard working and as yet ill
would baUa felt that she
should have had the world at her feet.
Had thought that she loved me might
perhaps have dared to hope she would even
then have been happy as my wife. But she
did not love me- Moreover, she was ambl-
tious.
She knew-small blame to her-how beau
tiful she was Do I wrong her when say
that in those days she looked for the gift OF
rank and riches from the man who loved her!
She knew that she was queen among
women, and expected queens dues.
Sweetest, are my words cruel? They are
e. cruelest I have spoken, or shall speak,
aga inst you. Forgive themD
We were friends--great frie7 DIS. Such
frien dship is loves bane. 1t buoys false
hopes it lulls to security; it leads astray; it
is sta. # which breaks suddenly, and wounds
the han. which leans upon it. So little it
seems to ne6u 10 lIldk0 ifleluoulP Sio" INV
love: ant yet how seldom that little is
added! Tn love which begins with hate or
dislike is soften luckier than that which
begins with friendship. Lovers cannot be
friends
Philippa and her mother left my neigh
borhood. They went to London for awhile.
I heard from them occasionally, and once OF
twice, when in town, called upon them.
Time went by. | worked hard at my pro-
fession the while, striving, by sheer toll, to
drive away the dream from my life. Alas!
strove in vain 10 love Philippa was to
love her forever!
One morning a letter came from her.
tore it omen. The news it contained was
grievous Her mother had died suddenly.
Philippa was alone in the world. So far as
knew, she had not re lative left; and be-
lieved, perhaps hoped, that, save myself,
she had no friend.
] needed no time for consideration. That
afternoon l was in London. II could not
comfort her in her great sorrow 1 could at
least svmpathize with her: could undertake
the mana cement OF the many business de-
tails which are attendant upon death
Poor Philippa! She was glad to see me.
Through her tears she flashed me look OF
gratitude I did all l could for her, and
STAYED in town until the funeral was over.
Then was Obliged to think of going home.
What was to become OF the girls
Kith OF kin she had none, nor did she
mention the name of any friend who would
be willing to receive her. AS l suspected,
she was absolutely alone in the world. AS
soon as MY back was turned she would have
no one on whom she could count for SYM
pathy or help.
1t must have been her utter loneliness
which urged me, in spi to of my better Judg-
merit, in spite of the grief which still Cypress
ed her. to throw myself at her feet and de-
clare tive desire of my heart. My words
cannot ecall, bst think--I know pleaded
eloouentIy: Such passion as mine gives
power and Intensity to the most unprac1lceo
sneaker. Ye.> long before my appeal was
ende] knew + nat pleaded in vain. Her
eyos ber manner. told mo she loved me not.
Then. remembe wing her present helpless
condition. I checke d myself. l begged her
to forget the words / had spoken; not to
answer them now: t. let me say them again
in some months time. Let me still be her
friend. and render h, " such service as
could.
She shook her head; 81 g held out her hand.
The first action meant d'e REFUSAL o. my
love; the second, the a, cep1alee OF my
friendship. schooled my. @if 10 eallhhe's'
and we discussed her plans or LIE future.
She was lodging in house 10 a qulee re-
spectacle street near Reyen, 70 EarK' ono
expressed her intention of sta. finS on mere
for awhile.
''But alone!" I exclaimed.
"Why not? What have I to fe II! SUI,
am open to reason if you can suggest
another plan"
l could suggest no other Phil ppa was
+,,o ot
to whatever money had been her m, others.
This was enough to live upon. She ad no
friends, and must live somewhere. why
should she not stay ON at her present 1odg-
ings? Nevertheless, I trembled as | the ught
of this beautiful girl all alone in LonC 0n.
Why could she not love me! Why col va
she not be my wifes It needed all my sci, Z
restraint to keep me from breaking afresh
into passionate appeals.
AS she would not give me the right to dis
pose of her future l could do nothing more.
| babe her sad farewell, then went bacl,
to my home to conqu~S my unhappy love,
or to suffer from its fresh lnroads.
Conquer it! Such love as mine is never
conquered. 1t is mans life Philippe
was never absent from my thoughts. Let
my frame OF mind be gay OF grave Philip
pa was always present.
letters told me little as to her mode of life;
they were short friendly epistles, and gave
me little hope
Yet I was not quite hopeless. I felt that
had been too hasty in asking her for her
love so soon after her m others death. Let
her recover from the shock; then will try
again. Three months wss the time which
in my own mind 1 resolved should eapse
before again approached her with words
of love. Three months! II ow YEARLY they
dragged themselves away!
Toward the end Of my sci Imposed term
of probation I fancied tn; Tt a brighter,
gayer tone manifested itself in Phi.ippa's
letters Fool that I was, l ,augured well
from this.
Telling myself that such lowe as mine
must win in the end, went to London, and
once more saw Philippa. She received me
kindly Although her garb was still that of
deep mourning, never, I thought, had she
f,,I MI