Milford chronicle., 1885-01-02
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
4 BATCH OF GOOD THINGS FOUND IN
TIE HUMOROUS COLUMNS.
= Little Too Late-Time 10 Break Up-The
BHsinsss OuilOoi-An Earnest Protest
Daughters DevOtiOn-His Glass Eye,
Ete.s Etc.
n Vas his GLASS EYE.

IT WAS HIS GLASS EYE.
A conductor on the Boston and Prov
idence road tells the story Of young
lady of this town who entered the moor
train for Boston the other day. She
seated herself opposite gentleman who
from the first, with one eye at least
seemed to be gazing fizeily at her. She
became indignant at length, and in
quired
''Why do you look ct me so, sir p
He said he was not aware OF having
done so, but she insisted.
''I beg your pardon, madam, but it's
this eye, is it not 2" lifting his finger tc
his left optic.
eyes, sir, it's that eye"
"Well, madam, that eye won't do you
any harm. It's a glass eye, only glass
eye. I hope you'll excuse it. But,
npon my honor, I'm not surprised that
even a glass eye should feel interested
in so pretty a woman"
The explanation and compliment COM
bined to put the lady into good humor.
-ManSfeld NeaCs.
TIE HoRRID THING.
Mrs. Poore-"The horrid thing. I
wish I'd never got acquainted with her
at all.
Mr.. Poore -"What's the matter now,
dear ?"
"That stuck-up Mrs. De Poultice has
cot so proud now that she won't even
recognize me on the street.
"My gracious, what luck Old De
poultice has stopped bOWing to me-
too"
"Luck |"
"P 1t luck we ever had. I supposed
Of CT .se, Mrs. De Poultice was triendl.
"a rcu, and I have been in fear and
t for six weeks
~ ahonk%
"Times are veIy 4,..-.- AZ" iiOl4sJ
is mighty scarce.
''But what has that to do with the De
Poultices ?"
ST was afraid that they might invite
us to their silver wedding next month. B"
--Pbila. Call.
MUNICIPAL JOBBERY EXPOSED.
First Borough Councilman-I move,
sir, that sign be put up at the railroad
crossing bearing the words, ''LoOk out
for the cars"
Second Borough Councilman (greatly
excited)-T move to amend. Mr. Chair
mani move to amend. The sign
should read, "Look out for the locomo-
tive, sir; for sir, while man is looking
out for the cars, sir, he might get run
over by the locomotive, sir.
First Councilman (hotly)-l denounce
the gentleman from Punkhollow, sir, as
a vile schemer, a swindler of the taxpay-
ers, sir. He owns a sawmill, sir, and
this dishonest jObber wants locomotive"
instead of Gears" on the signboard be-
cause its a longer word, sir, and will
take more lumber.
Amendment lost. philadelphia CAL.
NOT FRENCH.
At Boulogne, during royal reception
iOme years ago, number of English |
aides, in their anxiety to see every
hing, pressed with such force against |
he soldiers who were keeping the line |
hat the soldiers we're forced to give
way, and generally were, as the police
men say, ''hindered in the execution of
heir duty" The officer in command,
deserving the state OF affairs, called out: /
Zone roll of the drum, if they don't
tand back kiss them all p After the
rst sound of the drum the ladies took
D fight. 'If they had been French"
aid Partisan journal, ''they would
ave remained to a woman"
AN EARNEST PROTEST..
II have a piece of good news for you,"
hid one of the deacons of the church,
} the minister.
'Yes ?" queried the good man. "And
hat is it ?"
"We think of rendering you dona-
on and advancing your salary two hun
red dollars a year. :"
The minister appeared uneasy for
oment and then remarked:
-'ieh dea""" that if the mat
10