The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-09
BILL NYE ON DRUNKARDS,
He Makes to the Public Fair Prop

e BILL n II ON DRUNkARDS
q He Makes to the Public Fair Prof.
OsItion.
g In the matter OF temperance, write
: Bill Nye to the San Francisco Ingle
: side, l may say that no one would
pick me out as radical on either sid,
] OF the question. 1t is my doctrine
that the evil of incompetence will
work its own destruction when the
proper time comes. We may get
pretty weary waiting for the day
of our emancipation, but it is certain
ly unwise to make the cause of tenn
perance obnoxious by feeding it to the
people day-times, and then waking
them up in the night to ask them if
they have violated their solemn obli-
cation. You may convince a reason
able human being, but you can not
teach him great truth by painting 1t
on board fence in the civilized world.
and then running them into those
board fences till you have smashed his
nose several times, and taught him to
despise both you and the cause you
represent.
The above solemn chunk of philoso-
ply was written for me by a warm,
personal friend, who told me that
when l got tired Of writing mere froth
and foam and foolishness for the
amusement of a sorrowing world, and
wished to put together few SEN
| fences Of sense to surprise the public
with, he would be tickled to death to
come around after Office hours and
write me few without charge.
But it is not on the subject of tenn
Ifdnlf ~ OF cd L
speak. desire to PROFOUND to the
readers of The 1ngleside conundrum
or query. 1t is this: Why Is it when
man becomes beastly drunk, idiot
cally inebriated, and hilariously full,
remaining strength he may have to
hunt me up and converse with me
till his lower jaw gets loose and fall
on the ground with sickening thud ?
Is it because am good natured and
show usually conversational powers or
is it because the idea of hunting me
occur to a man until he is very, very
drunk?
However this may be, it is indeed a
chilly day when 1 do not spend an
hour or two in conversation with a
man who is uproariously drunk,
sleepy drunk, confdentially drunk,
tearfully drunk, affectionately drunk,
maudlin drunk, unsteady drunk, in
coherently drunk, sorroWfully drunk, |
abuslvely drunk, politically drunk, |
oratorically drunk, disorderly drunk, |
peacefully drunk, ornamentalIy drunk |
or simply drunk.
He may be in ne1ghboring State |
when the wild, ungovernable desire !
comes over him to put some
thing in his mouth |
which will ultimately steal away his
brains, unless he has taken the pre-
caution to have them concealed about |
his person, but in the first stage of his
inebriety he gets ticket to where 1
am, and then he goes on with the de-
bauch. He generally finds me last,
and he sails up to whare am and be-
gins to converse. It seems to me now
that great deal of my time is taken
up conversing with parties who meet |
me on the streets on the street or at |
stations or in hotels, and then talk |
with me several hours at a time while |
under the influence of Intoxicating |
liquor.
I presume 1900 men have held me
by the hand and sworn that every |
thing they had was at my service. |
Money, clothes, houses, jewelry, or |
anything else they had was none too |
good for me. Then they would wiring |
my hand again and start to 60 away, |
but they would always return and
talk some more, and when / would |
swoon and fall over they would re-
luctantly go away. When ventured
to remind them next day of their kind
offers to supply me with funds they
most generally fail to call it to mind.
Sometimes they ask me in an injured
tone of voice If / expected to hold a
man responsible for all the promises
he makes to the innumerable common
fools he meets while drunk.
So I desire to give notice, in this
public way, that on end after this
date 1 shall not hold any more open
air communications with common
and, as I want to be per-
fectly fair and Just toward all, am
willing to bind myself in similar
way not to try to converse with sober
people while may be drunk, Now, If
there be anything unfair or unreason-
able about this proposition am will
ing to alter 1t, 30 that no one can find
fault with it. I want to do exactly
what is right, and do not require
anything whatever of others that /
am not perfectly willing myself to
submit to.