The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-11-07
ALLEGED. MINOR.

There is nothing like having a good
head to an article like this.-BOston
Commercial Bulletin.
THE japanese say: "a man takes a
drink, then the drink takes a drink
and next the drink takes the man."
Evidently the japanese 'haye been
there. "a tIanta Constitution.
1T was little girls exclamation
when she saw the leader OF band ges-
ticulating from his pedestalt to the per-
formers: "Oh, see the man stirring up
the music with stick n'-BOston Rec
ord.
WHEN little Willie L. first heard the
braying of mule in the South, he was
greatly frightened; but after thinking
a minute, he smiled at his fear, saying:
Mamma, just hear that poor horse
wiz the whooping-cough! !"
YOUNG lady-"We had a delightful
time at Music Hall last evening, Mr..
Dumley. 1t was a Meyerbeer night,
you know. Are you fond OF Meyer
beer?" Mr.. Dumley, (hesitatingly)-
"Yees, but think would just as soon
have Milwaukee. New York Sun.
CARE you in favor OF enlarging the
curriculum? asked rural school dl-
rector OF a farmer in his district.
" Enlarge nothing" replied the old gen.
tleman, "the buildings big enough;
what we want is to teach more things
to the scholars. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
POIICEMAN-"Come down out O
that, youngfeller" Reporter-"But l'm
L / 70 not Il
ton OF the fire" Policeman-'Tot the
divil wild you. You can't stay there.
You kin fond out all about the fore
from the papers nthe emornlng. CHI
cago Rambler.
INDECENT Young Mani would re-
spectfully ask your daughter hand in
marriage, sir. Rich Father I'm lndlg-
nant surprise)-What? You want to
marry my daughter? INDECENT Young
Man somewhat tlurried )-Y-yes, sir.
W-why not? You don't know any
thing wrong with her, do you?-New
York Times.
A YOUNG Harvard man who was
travelling in England this summer, was
asked by a gentleman in Birmingham
if Boston were not the seat OF the
American Parliament. He replied
promptly: eyes; it was up to the be-
ginning of the Christian era, when 1t
was transferred to st. Paul, Mlnn. -
Independent.
Il WENT cunning theother day" " said
Nimrod, ''and as true as / am stand
ing here, killed twelve crows with one
shot" "You ought to be a politi-
cian," said his friend, dryly. Excuse
me, sir; do you insinuate that | am a
natural born liar" "By no means;
only death on cawcusses. .'-BInghanl-
ton Republican.
ST.. LOUIS Young LADY, called on
Mrs. S. this afternoon, mamma, and
what do you think | saw on her new
ebony parlor table, Mother-I have
no idea. St. Louis Young Lady-A
volume of Shakespeare Paradise
Lost" bound in dark blue. Think OF
it, Dark blue against an ebony back
ground New York Times.
CLARA lin carriage with horse run
ming away)-Do you think you can
stop him with one hand, George
George with teeth set)-I-d-don't tn
think c-can s-stop him, b-but | c-can
keep him in the r-road. Clara with
perfect confidence)-Nery well; try 1t
for another mile, and then if he doesn't
stop, use both hands.-New York
Times.
AMERICANS are probably the most
suspicious people on the face OF the
earth. The cashier of rural bank
located in village near the Canadian
line, has Just been suspended pending
an investigation OF his accounts. The
sole ground for this action was the
rumor that he had made an engage
ment with a physician for the purpose
of being vaccinated.-BrOOkiyn Eagle.
Il WISH to state" said fresh young
lawyer, rising in court, "that the
rumor to the effect that John Smith,
now under indictment for murder, has
attempted to commit suicide, has no
foundation in fact. / saw HIM this
morn .ug, and he has retained meto de-
fend his life" "That seems to con-
firm the rumor," said the Judge. "Let
the case proceed. The Sun.
"MY imported sheep Jumped the
fence last night, a Tennessee farmer
is quoted as saying, "and bit down IN
to the ground the last Vestlge OF my
imported fruit trees. Soon after that
my shepherd dogs went IN and killed
most OF my imported sheep. And then
| took down my imported breech-
loader and killed the dogs. The next
man that talks progressive farming
to me will get a few buckshOt OF the
same caliber. Pm going back to cot
ton myself"
"ACcORDING to this telegram the King
OF Italy is employing his time IN
mushroom hunting" remarked the
telegraph editor. "With all the war
excitement in Europe" rejoined the
obituary editor, 81 should think he
would not have mushroom for sport
of that kind" Beware" Clipped in
the snake editor, "a little OF that kind
OF fungus a great way" Then there
was silence by the space OF fifteen
seconds. -Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
81 NOTICE by the papers, he said, az
he waited for the roth on his beer to
settle, chat a man in a Chicago saloon
fell dead Just as he finished drinking a
glass Of beer" 81 see dot same thing
in the papers, too" replied the sa-
loonist. Curious, wasn't it ?'' "Vhell,
don't think so. You see, he drank
oop dot beer und said, 'Sharge it to
men und der bartender heprings oudt
his club und taps him on der headt.
1t vhas almost eafery day somebody
drops dead heren' He laid hickory
club on the bar and looked the man
full in the eye, and the beer was hardly
down before it was paid for.-Dehoit
Free Press.