The Delaware ledger. (Newark, Del.) 1879-19??, 1885-11-07
Rays Of Mirth.

AS''N'S' WIN hOhCIo anu lCdphSio
seems all head till you talk to her
Elk.
Hello, boy has your paper any
thing more about the earthquake ?"
"No sir; not in this Ischia."
Some unknown person attempted
to break into the editors house re-
Gently, but discovered his mistake
and escaped before the editor could
rob him.
Mr.. William Doodle Miss
Frost, | always wear gloves at night;
they make ones hand so nice and
soft. Miss Frost-"Ah! and do you
sleep with your hat on"
81 don't like to have my husband
chew tobacco" remarked a young
married lady, "but 1 put up with it,
for the tin-foil is just too handy for
anything in doing up my front
crimps."
A new Jersey woman lately wrote
to the publisher to stop her paper as
she noticed it was "entered at the
Post Office as second-class matter"
whereas she labored under the i'm
preston that she paid for a first
class paper.
Some admiring poet said of his
best girl, "Upon her face thou
sand dimples smile for me-" which
only adds more emphasis to the
adage 'Love is blind" How like
the mischief girl would look with
a thousand dimples on her face.
The poet must have meant freckles.
The scarcity of gentleman at
neighboring summer resort was so
apparent that a Boston lady tele-
graphed to her husband: "George,
bring down lot of beaus for the
hop this evening" Thanks to the
telegraph manipulation, George ar
rived with a pot of beans"
"How much do you think 1
weigh ?" asked young swell who
was visiting bluff old dairyman.
"Well," replied the milk handler, "I
couldn't exactly say; but from ex-
perience I've had with calves l
should say that when you're wean-
ed you might weigh almost as
much as a box of cheese" The
youth beloved for his ma and was
led home by the hired man.
"What peculiar shade is that
What could you call it?" broke in
the young lady, opportunely turn
ing to passing costume of dark
red, which emitted spasmodic
CLEANS of indefinite white as its
wearer moved on. "That," replied
the elder lady critically, "was meant
| should say, to represent crushed
raspberry upon which the cream
had soured.
A tall, stylish-looking woman,
leading greyhound, passed the
balcony of Saratoga hotel, on which
two gentleman were standing.
"What a beautiful creature" said
one of them, in a voice which prov
ed loud enough for the lady to hear.
Turning very red in the face she
glanced angrily at the speaker and
said: "You have no right to insult
me sir" Excuse me, madam" he
replied, "but you fatter yourself. I
was alluding to your dog"
The eight commandment was all
very well at the time it was written,
but it is altogether too narrow for
these days. 1t should be redrawn,
to read something like this: "Thou
shalt not steal; neither shalt thou
embezzle, purloin, commit grand or
petit larceny, or obtain money by
false pretences; thou shalt not be
guilty of breach of trust thou shalt
not indulge in shopliting (unless
you are respectable enough to prove
that kleptomania is hereditary in
the family; thou shalt not dupli-
cate thy pay accounts"
When a young man says his girl
is worth her weight in gold" he is
not putting very high valuation
npon her unless she is a very heavy
girl. At this rating 12O pounds
of girl would be worth only about
$4,000, and any young man who
doesn't think his best girl worth
more fhan $4,000 ought to be kick
ed clear over the front gate by an
inturiated parent and have the dog
set after him.-Middletown Trans
script.
"Ha, ha! Our militiamen were a
little too much for you Americans.
were they not?' said an English fop
to an American, while discussing
the rifle match at Wimbledon. 1--WE
beat you last year and this year
and | guess we can beat you every.