The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-06-20
Rise and Fall of the Roller Rinkist.
BY BILL NY

BY BILL NYE.
have once more tried to ride a pair of
roller skates That is the reason | got
down on the rink and down on roller
skates. That Is the reason several people
got down on me. That Is also the reason
| why now state in public manner to a
| lost and undone race; and unless the roller
rink is at once abolished the whole CT
yilized world will be plunged into arnica.
| had tried it once before, but had not
carried nv experiment to a successful ter.
mination. | made trial trip around the
rink last August, but was ruled out by the
| Judges for incompetenCy, and advised to
skate among people who were hostile to
the government OF the United States, while
the proprietors repaired the rink.
On the 9th of September, | nestled in
the bosom of a cyclone TO excess, anu II has
required the bulk of succeeding months
for nature to glue the bones OF my legs to-
gether in proper shape. That is the reason
| have not given the attention TO roller skat-
ing that | should.
A few weeks ago | read what Mr.. Tai
mage said about this great national vice.
1t was his opinion that II we skateu In a
proper spirit we could leave the rink each
evening with our immortal souls IN good
shape.
Somehow IL rot out that on Thursday
evening | would undertake the feat of skat.
Ing three rounds in three hours with no
protection TO my scruples, for one-halt the
gate money, Talmage rules. So there was
quite large audience present with opera
glasses. Some had umbrellas, especially
on the front rows. These were worn
spread in order to ward off fragments OF
the rink which might become dlsengaged
and set in motion by atmospheric distur'
Dances.
In obedience to wild, Wagnerian snort
from the orchestra, | came forth into the
arena with my skates in my hand. | feel
perfectly al home before an audience when
have my skates in my hand. 1t is NOR
bid desire to wear the skates on my feet
that has always been my 6ete MIR. VIII
the office boy please give me brass check
for that word so that can get 1t when go
away?
NY first thought, after getting myself Sc
cured to the skates, was this; Am | in the
proper frame of mind Am | doing this in
the proper spirit; Am | about to skate in
such way rs to lift the fog of unbelief
which now envelopes "A sinful world, or
shall deepen the Opaque night in which
my race is wrapped ~ =,
Just then, that end of the rink erupted
In manner so forthwith and so t0W ensem-
bic that | had to push it back in place with
my person. never saw anything done
with less delay or less languor.
The audience went wild with enthu-
siasm, and | responded to the encore by
writing my name in the air with my
skates.
This closed the first seance, and my
trainer took me into the dressing room to
attend consultation of physicians. After
the rink carpenter had lacked up the floor
"A little, | went out again had no fears
about my ability to perform the mechan-
ilal part assigned me, but was still wor-
ried over the question OF whether ii
would or would not be of lasting benefit to
mankind.
Those who have closely scrutinized my
frame in repose, have admitted that | was
fearfully and wonderfully made. Students
of the human frame say that they never
such a wealth of limbernesS and lOosness
lavished on one person. They maintain
that nature bestowed upon me the hinges
and Joints intended for whole family,
and, therefore, when | skate, the air seems
to be perfectly lurid with limbs. | pre-
sumo that this is true, though | have so
little leisure while skating in which TO OBJ
serve the method itself, the plot or animus
of the thing, as it were, that my opinion
would be of little value to the scientist.
| am lead to believe that the roller skate
il certainly great civilizer and u w"uier-
full leyeler Of mankind II VA b SKATE
a. A. yyheu III a p'lIIuOus COmes 10 seek our
ward within the general hospital, where
each shall heal his busted cuticle within
the walls where rinkists squirm, we go not
like the social wreck, morally paralyzed,
but like hired man taking his medicine,
and SO forth-we may skate with perfect
impunity, or any one else to whom we
may be properly introduced by our cook.
Skating on the roller skate is like riding
on railway train. If the management is
good and we behave ourselves, we feel
safe. Rinking in and of itself is not dan
gerous from "a moral point OF view-wlth
GOOD associates and solid road bed We
are safe. So it is also in travelling, If our
rlrk tickets are good in well conducted
rink, and our railway tickets read over the
Great Rock Island Route, we have done
wisely and the rest remains with US We
NAV wreck ourselves in front of the engine
or injure ourselves morally and physically
M the rink if we wish to. There are ma
nv, however, who are not agltated over the
rink question. TO such ii might be we'll
to say that the Rock Island Road Is still
people with comfort elegance,
economy and despatch.
;.w1<I