Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-06-17
PLEASANTRIES.

ONE of the latest recipes: IF Won
step upon a dudes boot, you are likely
to make g. Calls loot jelly.-San Fran
cisco Post.
Mr.. BRoWN-Miss Gray, allow me to
present my friend, M. LOiseau, of the
Canary Islands. Miss Gray-How de-
lightful? You sing, of course.
LANDLADY-The pipes are burst and
the water is all over the house.
Boarder-Yes, I've noticed it. 'Did
you? Where?" "In the soup?"
A GAS we'll has been discovered
twelve hundred feet below the surface
in Ohio. Can it be possible the Ohio
Legislature has sunk so ow?-LOweH
Citizen.
l SEE the French have taken UNI
the paper to his wife. "More fools the
Chinese for not fortifying it BETTER"
said Mrs. Gosling.
KARL-"M Mamma, mayn't 60 out in
to the street bit? The boys say
there's O. comet to be seem" Mamma
-"Well, yes; but don'tg go too near."-
Anekdoten Magazyn.
A MARKLEsBURG mother, having oc-
casion to reprove her little 7-year-old
daughter for playing with some rude
children, received for reply: "WeI,
ma, some folks don't like bad com
pany, but [ always did. "-Altoona
(Penn.) Tribune.
"AND SO you have received divorce
from that vagabond husband of yours,
Mrs. Smith ?" eyes, [ am glad to say
that I have" Didn't you feel quite
overpowered when you heard the de-
cision of the judge?" "Not exactly.
[ felt sort of unnamed, SO to speak"
-Exchange.
Miss FLORENCE MARRYAT in a recent
lecture advises the girls to 'sit down
on the men," This should certainly
60 with the advice of thecolored wom-
an to her grown-up-son when he came
home with his hat ruined: "Sonny,
wen you goes a-callin' ebenin's alters
keep 20 hat often 20 lap"
els your coat padded ?" asked
Angelica, as her head reposed graceful
ly on Williams manly breast. "No.
Why do you ASK" he inquired fond
ly. because it is so much softer than
Mr.. Martins coat or Mr.. ST. Johns
either, for that matter" The engage
ment is broken.-DetrOit Post.
AS he was walking along Broadway
a few evenings ago stranger accosted
him with the question: "What time
is it ?" He raised his eyes slowly and
answered: "Spring time" The next
morning a man charged with assault
and battery told his story to thejudge
and was discharged.
"HULLol what are yer tryin' to
do?" remarked the conductor to the
elderly female who had just executed
the time-honored maneuver of STEP
ping off the horse car face to the rear,
and, of course: with the usual result
The old lady smiled sweetly as she
gathered herself up andreplied: "Only
taking a trip on a horse car"
APPOINTMENT divine who was to Off
ciate at wedding, finding himself and
congregation in the church consider
ably in advance of the bridal party,
asked that someone should strike up a
hymn to improve the time. A good
brother started off, just as the bridal
party entered, with the hymn begin
ming, Come on, my partners in dis
tress."
house for a bite, and was given his
choice between chop and steak. He
preferred chop, and was shown the
wood-pile, where he wrestled so man
fully that the lady afterward gavehim
a generous piece of steak. He said it
was mean in her to give him the tough
est part OF the job last.-Binghamp-
ton Republican,
Nor exactly the idea he meant to con-
vey: Fond Mamma-What do you
think, Prof. Solfado, is there the least
probability that Euphemia will ever
make a, singer? Prof. Solfado-And
why not, Mrs. Smith? Your daughter
has every reason in the world to hope
for success. Some of our greatest ar
fists came from the lowest rank in So
ciety.
MISS PRoUDFLEsH (of New York;
"Oh, dear yes. know all about Can
ada. It's lovely country" Miss
Oldfam-"Youh have summered there ?"
ooh, we never consider one summer
anything. We spent several years
there 1t was just after pa retired"
Retired" eyes. don't remember
what bank he was connected with
ALdCIC1EIA1lCO OcUA'
JEWELLERS CLERK-"Anything else?'
Customer that I think
Of" "Wouldn't you like ok at
some of our new alarm clio, They
are great Improvement On the old
kind" 81 now have to get up early
to catch my train, but | don't need
any alarm clock" "Never oversleep
YOURSELF" ooh, no! My next door
neighbor has a new lawn mower
Philadelphia Call.
JONES is very green. Hecameto the
city recently, staying over Sunday.
When he returned home ne was asked
il he went to church while he was
away. "No," said he, 81 couldn't
find hemen's Westinghouse. Invent in
to about a dozen churches, but as they
all appeared to be women's meetings,
of course | went out immediately. /
didn't wish to intrude upon their pri-
vancy, you know"
SHE had but recently arrived from
the .'owld country" and, being sent
out IN front of the house to water a
large bed of crimson 1,ot11nias the fol