Morning journal and courier., 1885-11-20
FICTION.

"What Told My Wife" is the title of a new book. It is almost needless to say that l it is fction.-Puck.
 A novel has just been announced with the I title ''In Having Time" We suppose it ! must have grass p1ot.-Puck.
 A poet says: 'sThere is always sunrise somewhere" This is comforting. To the man who is just going to bed there comes the happy consolation that somebody has to get up and go to work.-American Hebrew. Some one has discovered that playing a bass drum in cellar for week will clear the house of rats. We should have very poor opinion of the musical taste of a rat that did not desert the premises and take to the woods inside of two hours.-Norristown Herald.
 ''What did the Queen of Sheba say?" asked the superintendent. ''The half was not told ne,' shouted the scholars. 'tOf
 whom was she speaking?" asked the superin-
 tendent. "Her husband" i" meekly replied 8
 woman in Paisley shawl, whose husband
 belonged to five secret societies. Exchange.
 ''I see, said a Philadelphia girl, ''that a woman was among the Knights of Labor ar rested in Washington territory for the recent outrages on the Chinese. My, but it must be terrible for woman to be in prison I suppose they are not allowed to have mirrors or crimping irons in their cells. ."-Chronicle- Herald.
 A Good Suggestion: Some men find it.:dif-
 fcult to grow old gracefully. Colonel Ye1g CT is one of them. Last Sunday his little daughter caught him at work on his own head with pair of tweezers. 'Papa, what are you doing to your haira" she asked. 'I
 am pulling out the white hairs, Mollie."
 ''Why don't you pull the black ones out! you will get through quicker. There aint half so many black ones as there are white ones'' Texas Siftings.
 I, 'I did not see that mantle in the list of things belonging to John Mccullough which
 were sold at auction, " said Mrs; Fangle to her husband. "What mantle?" growled
 MT. Fangle; 'have you an idea that McCul tough kept 8 millinery store? "No, my dear; but, ,''-''But whata What in the world would he be doing with 8 mantle?'
 'iWhy, I heard that the mantle of Edwin Forrest had been left to Mccullough, and I thought may be it was valuable one and
 would bring good deal of money. Pitts
 burg Chronicle.
 The following good joke is at the expense of Chicago doctor: He was about to anes- thetize patient when, in answer to ques- tion, he informed the victim that he would
 be entirely unconscious and know nothing until the offending growth had been removed. The patient accordingly commenced to fish
 his loose change out of his pocket. "Oh, you need not mind the fee until I am through, :" remarked the considerate doctor. ''I don't intend to pay you yet" returned the patient. II wish merely to count my money to see point and was much amused.-Medfcaf and Surgical Reporter.
 A man who had been arrested, charged
 with misdemeanor, brought suit for malici- ous imprisonment. When the case was
 brought up for trial the judge easked-"Upon what sir, do you base this suit? l under stand that you did commit misdemeanor." :"
 ''Yes, judge, I don't deny that" "Then how could the imprisonment have been malici- ous?' 'Well, you see, thar was circus in town the day I was arrested. I wanted
 to go to the show, but the officer cheated me out of it. Just as the elephant and the spotted hoss come along the officer showed me into jail. Why didn't he wait until the show was over be- fore he arrested mea' ''Your point is a very strong one" !" said the judge "The inherent right of an American citizen is to see the circus The jury will please assess liberal damages ''-Arkansaw Traveller.