The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-03-27
ASKING FoRAfAM.
Bun Nys Constructs . Fotn Of Appeal e,itaSas
for Edltore

AsKIN8 FoRAfAsA
Bun Nys Constructs Form ofAppeal Suitable
for Editefs
The general passenger agent of .
prominent road leading out Of Chicago
toward the south tells me that he 10
getting . good many letters lately
asking for passes. and he complains
bitterly over the awkard and unsatis.
factory style Of the correspondence.
Acting on this suggestion, and though
. little latc in the day. perhaps, I have
erected the following as . kind Of
guide to those who contemplate writ
ing under similar circumstances:
OFFICE OF 1.-THE EVENING SouEAI,"
Jan. IA, 1884 GENERAL PASSENGER
AGENT GREAT NORTH AMERICAN GIT
THERE RAILROAD. Chicago. nl.-Dear
Sir: / desire to know by return mail
whether or no you would be pleased to
swap transportation for kind words. I
am the editor of The Squeal, published
at this place. It is a paper pure in
tone, worldwide In its scope, and ire.
sietible in the broad sweep Of its
mighty arm.
l desire to visit the great exposition
at New Orleans this winter, and wotild
be willing to yield you . few words Of
editorial opinion set in long primer
type, next to pure reading matter,
and without advertising marks.
My object in thus addressing you 10
twofold. have always wanted to do
your road kind act that would put
it on its feet, but l have never before
had the opportunity. This winter I
feel just like it. and am not only will
ing but anxious. Another object,
though trivial, perhaps, to you, Ii
vital to me. II I do not get the pass
am afraid shall not reach there till
the exposition is over. You can see
for yourself how important il is that
should have transportation. Day af-
ter day the president will come on to
the grounds and ask il am there.
Some official will salute him and ar
swer sadly: mo, your highness, he
has not yet arrived, but We look for
him soon. He is said to be stuck in a
mudhole somewhere in Egypt" Then
the exposition will drag on again.
You may make the pass read: For
self. Chicago to st. Louis and return, :"
and will write the editorial. or you
may make it read "Self and wife, !"
and l will let you write it for your
self. Nothing is too good for my
friends. When a man does me a kind
act, or shows signs of affection. inst
allow him to walk all over me, and
make himself perfectly free with the
policy OF my paper.
The EUe.,ng Squeal has been heard
everywhere. We send it to the four
winds of heaven, and its influence is
felt everywhere the English language
is respected. And yet II you want TO
belong to my coterie of friends, you
can make yourself just as free with its
editorial columns as you would If you
owned it.
And yet The Squeal is a bad one to
stir up. / shudder to think what the
result would be if you should incur
the hatred of The Squcal. Let us avoid
such subject, or the possibility of
such O calamity.
Tile Squeal once opposed the sandi-
dacy of certain man for the Office of
school-district clerk, and in less than
four years he was a corpse! Struck
down in all his wanton pride by one
of the popular diseases of the day.
My paper at one time became the
foe of a certain road which tapped
the great cranberry vinegar of
northern Minnesota, and that very fall
the cranberries soured on the vines!
1 might 60 on for pages to show
how the pathway of The Squeal has
been strewn with the ruins of rail.
roads, all prosperous and happy till
they antagonized us and sought to
injure us.
believe that the great journals and
trunk lines of the land should stand in
with one another. If you have the
support and moral encouragement of
the press you will feel perfectly free
to run over anyone who gets on your
track. Besides, II l held a pass over
your road should feel very much re-
served about printing the details of
any accident, DELAY, or washout along
your line. l aim to mould public opin-
ion, but man can subsidize and cor
rupt me if he goes at it right. I write
this to kind of give you pointer as to
how you can 60 to work to do 30 II
you see fit.
Should you wish to pervert my high
moral notions, in relation to railways,
please make it good for thirty days,
as it may take me week or so to
mortgage my property and get ready
to 60 in good style. 1 will let yos,
know on what day will he in New
Orleans, so that you can come and
! see me at that time. Should YOU have
difficulty in obtaining an audience
with me. owing to the throng Of
crowned heads, just show this auto.
graph letter to the doorkeeper, and he
will show you right in. Wipe your
boots before entering. Yours truly,
DANIEL WEBSTER BRIGGS,
Editor of The Squeul.
1t is my opinion that no railroad
official, however disobliging, would
hesitate a moment about which way
he would swing after reading an cpistle
after this pattern. Few, indeed, a re
the men who would be impolitic
enough to incur the displeasure of such
a paper as l have artfully represented
The SQuedL to be. BILL NYE.
HUDSON, Wis, Jan. IA.
Louisville Courier. journal.
The Dynamiters Weapon.
The wretches who fight their battles
in secret by numbering unofendipe
people and destroying the world 8
architectural treasures have been quick
IN, t,nr 4 hA "a