Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-03-13
A CHARMING CRANK.
Cupid and the Lack of Girls in Dakota.
IA Flight of Eloquenos that Rivals
Proctor Knots Duluth Grafton.

IA Flight of Eloquencs that Rivals
Proctor Knott's Duluth Grafton.
New York Sun: Cupid is a queer lit
tie chap, and the OLDER ne grows the
crankier he gets. He is a bigger tool
maker to-day than he was 1900 years
ago, when he induced Col. Sampson,
the great original lion-tail-twister and
congressional jaw-bone swlnger, to lay
his wool and his glory in the lap of a
half negro, Delilah. He Is q more egri-
GUS ninny-breeder now than when he
led all Homer's heroes on that wild
GEecian bender after the Sarah Bern
hardt of the Trojan era, He is a more
unconscionable heather amid all u
nineteenth century blaze of gospellight
and liberty than when he and his scam
ty-skirted mamma, Mrs. Venus, led the
pagan orgies OF Athenian daimsels be-
meath the shade of ancient olive groves.
He is a creations marplot, dignity's de-
throner, reasons upsetter and scoffer.
Old women, toothless and shriveled,
touched by the pestiferous little archer
who turks in rosebuds and cabbage
heads. plaster their graveyard counte
nances with enamels andpaints enough
to gorge a camp of Kickapoo squaws,
swing gawds and gewgaws to every
available pruetberance, pile Oh sweet
sixteen toggery, and smirk and smirk
and giggle in: Il style that would drive
a whole bedlam OF ordinary 1ufiatics to
suicide. TIE trigger the folly thesurer
the stroke. No mar was ever tculy in
love who did not make a joyous ass of
himself, and the huger the. ears the
purer the fame, AN masculinity is
doomed, sooner or later, to be smitten;
punctured, harpooned; and, sheltered
beneath the mantle or widgs-which-
ever he wears-of s~wift-colning Saint
Valentine, l wish to tell all womanhood
that nowhere else on earth is that smit-
ing; punc;uring and happening so cas-
lily done; nowhere else beneath the sap
phlriean dome Of heaven does Cupid,
the Lilliputian gizzard-piercer, come so
near having, like death, all seasons for
his own; nowhere else in all the grand
rounds of the sun and moon and peep
ing stars, are the victims so plentiful
and so readily c%atchable, crazable and
sfnashable as III. the vast imperial re-
gious of the Northwest, the wolmanless
wonderland of the world.
Girls of America, look at Dakota, with
four and a half men and boys to every
Woman and girl. Nearly every town
iii this greatest and grandest of the ter
tit6ries' is III the same deplorable fx,
counting its girls over every night as
carefully as old-tlmed ladies do their
chickens or SPOONS, and never able, by
any arithmetic, to scare up more than
one to every fifty fellows. The whole
gvaat American Northwest groans: IN
der the woes Of a similar restitution.
Think of d single missionary In Mani
toba TWO or three years ago, with eight
hundred bachelors under, has charge.
and not one weddahle girl or gushing
widow! aase.
Girls Of the wDman-crowdcd, old-lnaid
accuIimulating older states, here is the
field for you; nereyou are nerded; here
you are sure of adozen husbands apiece
if you want them Here is an empire,
stretching two Thousand miles to the
north and west, up the Saskatchewan
and acrossythe mighty Rockies, to the
golden slopes of the Paciic-an empire
vaster and grander, 0 fertile and
beautiful and glorious than eve Rome's
gilded eagles glittereo over in her palm
lest days of power and pomp and pride
that. waits the coming of its mistress
es, its princesses and queens. 1t is
ready TO fling I'LL its glories and its fell
lows at your feet. Without you it is
doomed to be a vast, skyroofed; horizon
walled prison house of haplsss, hopeless
satyrs. = masculine wilderness, a wom-
ahless realm. ~
Come west, young ), wonssn, ON
northwest; and stand not Upon the Or
der Of your coming, but COME at once
Every one Of you is guaranteed to
strike a MASCULINE bonanza in ninety
days time. And, as it is but a fort
night until St. Valentines and Cupid's
day, this screed may, perhaps, pass. for
Dakota's valentine to american. femi-
ninity; to the girls, the women Of the
noblcst land beneath the sun, who have
Individually. and: collectively, no more
ardent admirer, no more devout wor.
shipper, than: 7. DOMAIN.
Devils Lake, Oak, Feb. 1.
Fargo Argus: Judge Rdgerton. who
has q grand, good hold On. the ways of
the people of south Dakota, seems t. be
gaining ground rapidly in the direction
of success, and it now looks Is though
an avalanche was setting IN favorable
to his becoming the first and senior sem