davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset reporter., 1885-05-27


How To SUSPEND OLD AGE.-The Medi-
ca and Surgical Repeater OF April / con-
tAlns curious article on the suspension Of
old age, the leading idea of which is thal
The real change which produces Old aye is
nothing more nor less taau slow but
steady accumulation Of ca,careous matter
throughout TIT system, aud il is owing to
deposits that The structure OF every organ
Is altered, elasticity thus giving way to
>enile riIidty. Blockade OF various or
sals thus commences, aud sooner or later
vital part becomes involved aud death of
necessity follows To delay this process
the writer advises the nv 1idance of food
containing this calcarious matter amoug
WEIGH bread Is prominent. Moderation in
eating Is enjoyed, and among the articles
recommended ere fruit, fish, flesh of
young mutton and beef, because, as before
stated, OF their being less heterogeneous
All well and spring water contains consid-
cradle OF the earthly salts, and should there.
fore be avoided, aud CiSteru water used in
its stead, because water is the most uni
versal solvent knowu. The addition of
fifteen or twenty drops of dilute phosphor-
&c acid To the glass of water, and drank
three times day, will add To the soluble
ity of these earthly salts"
The Somerset reporter., 1885-05-27

Ths country controls three quarters Of the corn
fields Of ihs Whole world. This shows the American
eunlons progress.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
A Bright Rodent.

A Troy lady the other night heard
footsteps in the house. Investigation
disclosed the presence of no intruder,
The footsteps were heard again. and
finally it was discovered that large
rat had obtained access to the prem
ises. and. walking upon oil-cloth. his
pattering steps had sounded louder
than might have been expected. This
rat was too cunning to enter any trap,
and played a great many pranks in the
house before the hole through which he
came from the adjoining building was
discovered and closed. For ms .ance, a
child of the family placed some candy
in a bureau drawer on the third floor
of the house. On the following day
the candy was missed. 1t was mys-
terry where it had gone to. until it was
found neatly piled up under a sofa in
the parlor on the first floor. 1t was
again put away and again missed, and
was again found in an entirely different
part OF the house from that where il
had been placed. How the rat could
have carried the bon-bons one after an
other. without leaving any marks upon
them. either of his sharp claws or his
teeth, vas mystery. but he played the
trick with great patience and success
M Y. Post.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

The conductor on a Southwest
Georgia railroad was rolling along at a
good rate about half way between sta
lions. Suddenly the engineer blowed
down brakes" and as the train
slowed up the conductor saw an old
lady who lived in the vicinity waving
her handkerchief to stop the train. AS
soon as it stopped she walked up to the
car, and the conductor advanced to
meet and thank her for her heroic pres
ence of mind in saving h s train, when.
after fumbling about in her pocket a
little, she drew out dilapidated green
back and said: Il wanted two dollars
in change; have We any dimes and
nickels?" The change that came over
that conductors countenance would
have broken up $1,000 Government
bond.-Americus Goa. Recorder.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
MANS ORIGINAL TASTES.
The Cannibalistic Tendency of the Paleo
lithic Species.

The Cannibaiistic Tendency Of the Paleo-
lithic Species.
Paleolithic man used to eat his
brethren; and so used his compare
lively highly civilized successor 1--WE
must not say descendanD of the new
stone age. In Italy, in the dried
up lakes, (terra-mares,) which con-
tain remains of the old stone age,
one finds human bones not gnawed
only, but broken for the sake of the
marrow-treated just like the beasts
bones among which they lie. In France
it is the same; experts say they can tell
the difference between the marks of a
rats or tigers tooth and of that of a
man, and no animal has ever got so far
as breaking the bones that it mumbles.
In our British barrows there is not the
slightest doubt. from the arrangement
of the remains. that, when chief was
buried. not only were his slaves killed
and buried with him, but their bodies
first furnished out the funeral feast.
The horrible old Hellenic myths, such
as Tantalus cooking his son Pelops as
meal for gods, and Aureus dishing up
his brother Thyestes' children and ask
ing him to dine off them, are survivals
of time when the man-cooking oven
was as much an institution in Greece as
it was the other day in New Zealand or
in FIJI. Dog does not eat dog; very
few animals will devour their own kind,
unless, like sows or rabbits, they do 10
under the influence of terror; but man
IN this, as in some other matters of con-
duct, soon got below the brutes, even il
be was not cannibal at the outset
AL the Year Round.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
VIVA. Sporting Men Rely On.


When Lewis r. Redmond, the South
Carolina moonshiner, cornered, after for
eight years eluding the Government off.
Gals, was asked to surrender, he ex-
claimed:
"Never, to men who fire at nv back!n
Before he was taken, five bullets had
gone clear through him, but strange to re-
late, he got well, in the hands of rude
backwoods nurse"
By the way, if Garfield had been in tho
hands of a backwoods nurse, he might
have lived. A heap of volunteer testi-
mony against the infallibility of the ply
sicians has been accommodating of late, and
people are encouraged to do their own
doctoring more and more. 1t is cheaper
and quite as certain.
Before Detective Curtin, of Buffalo,
caught Tom Ballard he lowered" him
with his revolver. Tom saw the point and
tumbled!
Joe Goss was "coveredn few weeks ago
and he tumbled, and so did Dan Mace.
Death fetched emu with that dreaded
weapon-kidney disease. But they should
have been lively and drawn first. they
could easily have disarmed the monster
had they covered ";n with that dead ,h DC
Warmers safe cure, which, drawn
promptly, always takes the prey. it Is
doubtless true that sporting men dread
this enemy more than any mishap of their
profession, and presumably this explains
why they as a rule are so partial 70 that
celebrated "dead shot,"
Redmond was right. No man should
surrender when attacked in the back. He
should "draw," face about and proceed to
the defence, for such attacks, so common
among all classes, will fetch man every
time unless " covered" by that wonderful
ly successful " dead shot."-Sportsmdn'
Nelos.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

Mr.. Travers don't like roller-skating
He's afraid he'll fall and break himself
that's what's the matter with him. hate
to see man afraid, and l told him so, but
he said: Jimmy, I've got to buy my own
clothes and pay my own doctors bills, and
not being as rich as VanderSun'd can't af.
ford to skate. And then he told me story
about boy that would skate all day and
as he didn't use anything but his legs, they
grew and grew till they got to be five feet
long and as big round as an ordinary man,
while the rest of him didn't grow at all, so
party of surveyors that were laying out a
railroad hired him and used him for pair
of compasses to measure land with, and
they handled him so roughly that they bent
one leg and twisted the other off, just as /
did with q pair Of compasses | used to have.
This story didn't brighten me at all. If my
legs were to grow like the boys I'd get a
place in museum with a big salary, and
have the best kind of time. Mr. Travers
means well, but he don't know what kind
of stories to tell boys when he wants to
frighten them and do them good.
Sue was anxious to skate the moment she
heard the rink was open, and she tried to
get Mr.. Travers to give her pair of skates,
but he wouldn't do it He said she would
fall and hurt herself, and 1 thought he was
really unkind.
So told Sue would lend her my skates,
and show her how To skate. She said was
a dear good boy only am afraid that I'll
fall and / don't want to do that before
everybody. But told her that / knew a
way to skate without falling, and I'd teach
1t to her.
You see, the reason why people fall is
that their feet spread apart. When one
foot slips away from the other you've got
to fall and there isn't any help for it. Now
IL you wereto tie your feet together with a
rope about foot long, your feet couldn't
separate and you couldn't fall. l invented
this way myself, and 1 think it was very
generous in me to tell Sue about it for
nothing. Some people, if they had invent
cd it. would have kept it to themselves, and
been famous, like the man that invented
lightning and sewing-machines.
Well, Sue arranged that was to go to
the rink with her, and put her skates on
and tie her feet together, some morning
when there was nobody else In the rink to
see her. / took her there the next morn
ing, and we had the place all to ourselves.
put on her skates and tied her feet to-
gether, and stood her up straight, and then
she made me 60 away and leave her. She
said was to come back for her i'm half an
hour, but that she wouldn't try to skate
while l was there looking at her. So
went away, but before got out of the dooi
she started to skate, and got halfway
across before she came down. l couldn't
understand how she came to fall, for was
sure 1 had tied the rope all right, but theT
you can't expect much from girls.
came back In exactly half an hour.
There was nobody in the rink but Sue, anc
she was on the floor in just the same place
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
ORCHARDS.
Efforts That Should be Made to Remov,
Insect Pests.

EuOTtS ln8t SnOuI0 De mS0e TO Remove
Insect Pests.
It is important that arrangements
should be made by the owners of or
chards for the free run of sheep, swine,
and poultry, for devouring the infested
fruit which drops from the trees. There
are three insects which need special at
tention, the codling moth. curculio, and
apple maggot. Sheep will pick up and
devour the infested and dropping speci-
mems of apples, plums and pears, and
swine will do the same. but they are not
so vigilant. Hens pick up fallen plums
early in the season while the fruit is
small. Some persons enormously assert
that hens devour the insects alone, but
these persons do not seem to reflect
that hens can not reach up the tree-tops
and get at the curculios while they are
depositing their eggs, nor seize the lar
vac as they are leaving the young fruit
to enter the ground. The useful work
of the poultry is, in devouring both the
infested fruit and contained larvae at
one stroke. In addition to the Earring
process, there is some reason to believe
that Paris green may be successfully used
for the curculio, either by acting on the
young Larvae or in some other way. There
is therefore no difficulty in meeting the
curculio if proper means are used.
With the codling moth there are two
well proved Notwithstanding with
Paris green, and devouring by sheep
and swine. For the apple maggot,
which comes later in the season. there
appears as yet to be no remedy devised
but beating off the infested fruit, for
sheep and swine to gather.
These insects do not always confine
themselves to the fruits which they are
commonly supposed to specially attack.
The apple and the pear are often ruined
by the curculio. Prof. Maynard col
lected large number of the young APP
Piles, which dropped from tree with
an abundant crop, when they were half
an inch or more in diameter. Out of
800, it was found that all but three
were punctured with the plum curculio,
and not infested with the codling moth.
1t is well therefore to make provision to
meet these destroyers with ample APP
pliances; and the orchardist who raises
fruit for market, or for home use, should
have enough animals to take care of the
depredators, as well as to aid in manur-
ing the soil. Sheep sometimes attack
the bark of young trees, and we have
known swine to strip the stems; but the
use of repelling wash has held sheep
in check. and . few twigs Of sweet
briar or Usage orange bound around the
trunk have kept swine at q respectful
distance. II in addition to the above
mentioned modes of protecting the crop.
the use of poisons is added, there will
be . reasonable certainty of having
fair and handsome specimens Cou.s-
try Gentleman.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

where saw her last She was pretty well
tired out for she had been trying to get up
and falling down again the whole time.
never saw girl so broke up before. Her
dress was torn i'm about fifty places, and her
hair was full of dirt and the rink was Just
covered with hair-pins. She wasn't hurt
much in the face, but her hands looked
pretty bad, and she said she was almost
dead and I'll never forgive you if l live a
thousand years and i know you did it or
purpose.
She laid all her troubles to the rope
First she said 1t tripped her up and then
every time she tried to get up she fell down
again because her feet were tied. Come to
think Of it, perhaps she was right and a
person can't get up very we'll when their
feet are tied together, for / tried 1t to see II
she had any excuse for her conduct. How.
ever, meant to be kind to her and help her
to learn to skate, and think she might
have given me credit for that-Hd~per' .
Yossng People.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

No shillings have been coined il
the United States since the formation
of the Federal Government. Prior to
that date some of the colonies issued
shilling coins. One was known as the
New England shilling, another as the
Pine Tree shilling. another as the Oak
Tree shilling, and a fifth as the Annap-
oils shilling. The dates of their ISSUE
ranged from 1862 down to 17S3.-PhiJ
adelphid Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

a Michigan Concern EnIoIned.

a Michigan Concern EnIolned.
From the Rochester Morning Horald.l
The following injunction has been OBJ
tanned by the Hop Bitters Company, Of
Rochester, N. Y, against Collatirus d.
Warner, of Reading, Michigan, prohibiting
him from manufacturing or selling Ger
man Hop Bjtters."
The President of the United States Of Anevico
to Colldtfnus d. Warner. Of Reading, Mich,
his servants, tCorhmcsl, sdlesmen and 0gessta
and each and euery of them:
Whereas, it has been represented unto
the Justices Of our Circuit Court, the Hon.
Stanley Matthews, and the Hon. Henry B.
Brown, at Detroit, within and for said
District, sitting as q Court of Chancerys
that you, Collatinus d. Warner, are manufact.
Hop bfier senS esne Of s en
Bittcrs made and sold by complainant; your
said medicine being dcpised, calculated and IN
tended 70 nsislead the public into purchasing
the complainant
We therefore. in consideration of the prem
ises. do strictly en{otn you, the said Coliatinus
fore named, from using the words "Aop Butcrs''
on any fluids contained in bottles so as to in.
duce the Deli61 That such fluids are made by
complainant; and further, from manufacture.
ing. selling or offering for sale any bitters or
other fluids in the bottles and with the labels,
and in the general form in which you were
manufacturing and selling the bitters called
by you'G German Hop Bitters, on the filing Of
the bill; or In any other bottles. or with any
other labels contrived or designed to repre-.
sent or induce the belief that the bitters or
fluids sold by you are the goods Of the com.
Court. -
witness,
THH HONORABLE MORRISON r. WAITE
Chief Justice Of the United Statea,
At Detroit. this fifteenth day Of July, A. d., 1885
u. 81 Walter 8. Harsha, Clerk.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
ROLLER-SKATING.
Jimmy Browns" Idea Of a Skat-
ing Rink.
His Sister Sues Experience - How the
Bold. Bad Boy Took Advantage Of
Her Trusting Innocence-An Easy
and Pleasant Pastime.

We have skating rink In our town. A
skating rink is great big building with
only one big room, and you skate all over
The floor on roller skates. It's almost as
good as circus, and Deacon Hopkins says
it's just as good, and that people ought to
be ashamed to so to it l don't think it's
quite as good as that, but there is lots of fun
In roller-skating
1t looks as easy as anything to skate on
rollers, but isn't so easy after all. learned
to skate in one day, and can skate beautiful
now. My knee has got over being stiff,
and l can see out of my right eye, though
1t is pretty black. The doctor says my
nose will go down in few days, and that /
needn't wear my arm in sling morenaweek
more had an elegant time learning to
skate, and shall be able to skate some
more just as soon as my arm is well.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

WE see by Henderson paper that the
able young attorney, Mr.. John Barrett,
has gone into partnership with Mr.. James
Grim, Of Greensboro. This will make q
good firm name. When parties down
Barrett, and if they get beaten they will
have to "grin and bear it."-Eransuiils
Arqus.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

BEST French Brandy, Smart Weed, ia.
maica Ginger and Camphor Water, as
combined in DIR. Pierce's Extract of Smart
Weed, is the best remedy for collie, diar-
rhoea, cholera morbus, dysentery or
bloody -fiux; also, to break up colds feverS
and inhammatory attacks if used early.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

II when you call for Hop Bitte the druegist hands
out anything but Hog Stters" with green cluster
would . viper; and II ne has taken your money for
bogus stu tndct him for the fraud and sue him fol
damages for the swfndle and we win reward you
literally for the conviction.
See y. s. Court injunction against O. d. Warner
Reading, Mich. and all his statesmen and aRenfS
Druggists, and other imitators take warning.
HOP BITTERS MFG Co
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

A GENTLEMAN whose family consists O,
. wife and twin girl babies came in very
late one night and went to bed. His sleeT
was broken, and he tossed and tumbled
and muttered something about 'two of {
kind" and ''small pair" "Poor John,
murmured his wife, she is tired and il
dreaming Of his cEiildren."-N Y. Sun.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

PIXIES TOOrHACHE DROPS cure in minute, Csc
Gicnn's Sulphur Soap heals and beautifies. 25c
GERMAN CORN REMOVER kills Corns 4 Bunions
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

A SCHOOL Journal advises: "Make the
school interesting" That's what the
small boy tries to do to the best of his abtl-
ty.-Buriingt0n Free Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

AFTER counting girl for two years
young Meigs concludes that she knows 81
little about the washtub be can't afford t<
wringer.-Arkansd, Traveller.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

WHY is a good speller in class Of schoo
children like glass Of champagne? Be-
cause both 60 to the head.-BarlingtoI
Free Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
sis THERE no balm in Gilead7

-'~<ss<1
Thanks to DIR. Pierce, there is a balm in
his "Golden Medical Discovery"-a "balm
for every wound" to health, from colds,
coughs, consumption, bronchitis, and ali
chronic, blood, lung and liver affections.
OF druggists.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

MADAME has begun to put up" jelly
and the currant expenses of the household
are increased.-Bostoa Bulletin.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

"What shape is time" Why, it,
round, of course, else how could IL "ro
onr-Kentucky State Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

The VoLrAIC BELT Co, of Marshall, Mich,
offer to send their celebrated ELKcrRo-V Vol
fAIc BELT and other ELECTRIC APPLIANCES
on trial for 30 days, to men fyoung or old)
afflicted with nervous debility, loss of vital
ity and all kindred troubles. Also for rheu-
matism, neuralgia ,paraly sis, and many 9TH
or diseases. Complete restoration to health,
vigor, and manhood guaranteed. No risk i'm
CURED, as 30 days. trial is allowed. Write
them atcnce for illustrated pamphlet, free
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

MISS PARLoA is out in q letter giving
directions about what to take to picnfcs. Is
the supply of girls exhausted in Boston,
Philadelphia Cdu.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

CHILD: mamma, want some raisins."
"Very well, take handful" IA hand
full! On, won't you give them to met your
hand is lsyser."-N. Y Post. -
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

A WOMAN and q fiddle are something
alike. They always come out strongest
when there is a woman about.-Bostoa
Budget.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

"Fools Rush In, Where Angels Fear 70
Tread"
SO impetuous youth is often given to
folly and indiscretions; and, as q result,
nervous, mental and organic debility fol-
low, memory is impaired, lf-confdence
is lacking; at night bad dreams occur,
premature old age seems setting in, ruin is
In the track. In confidence, you can, and
should write to DIR. R. v. Pierce, of Buffalo,
N. Y, the author of a treatise for the bene-
fit of that class of patients, and describe
your symptoms and sufferings. He can
cure you at your home, and win send you
full particulars by mail.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

a CAN not sing the old songs,"-snd "
are glad you don't know the new Ones
Philadelphia Call.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

MY son, il any body smokes the filthy
weed, don't chew.-Chicdgo Sun.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

THE girl who loves William never ask
her father to foot her bill.-Philddelphi
Call.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

THERE is one thing to be said in favor Q
never whistle.-N. 7. Herald.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

An usher, proud of his grammar, once
announced Mr.. Foot and his two daughters
as 'Mr. Foot and the two Misses Feet"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

A HALF holiday is better than no Loaf
N. Y. Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

An inferior article Is dear at any price.
Remember this, and buy Frazer Axle Grease.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

If afflicted with Sore Eyes, use DIR. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it. $50.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

EXPERIENCE is the cream of 1ife-but
1t often sours with Whitehall Times.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
HAY-FEvER.

L have been . Hay
Fever sufferer threeyears
have often heard Ely's
Cream Balm spoken Of in
the highest terms, did not
take much stock in It be-
cause Of the many quack
medicines. A friend per-
suadcd me to try the Balm.
and with the most wonder
full success.-T. s. GxKR,
Syracuse, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21

LOOKING at your drawing imbues me
with an artistic fever" remarked Smyth0
TO Miss Lulu last evening. "Is ought to;
It's sketchingi" quietly replied Lulu
Philadelphia Call.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-11-21
A Clear Skin

is only a part Of beauty;
but it is a part Every lady
may have it.; at least, what
looks like it. Magnolia
Balm both freshens and
beautifea