Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-07

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INA, MICH, , WEDNE
WIT AND HUMOR.
An English paper thinks the town
of Deal is the proper place to play
cards in.
He is misguided youth who does
everything his sweet heart asks him
to do.-Ex.
"a spotted adder" is the name
grimly given by tho Boston Record
to defaulting cashiers.-Ex.
Query for yachtmen: If a vessel
can sail before the wind, why should
she have to wait for the wind ?-Ex.
What intimate connection is there
between the lungs of London and
the lights of the Metropolis LON
don Punch.
Why is balloon voyager greatly
to be envied? Because he rises rapid
ly in the world, and has most excel
lent prospects-Ex.
"What is the worst thing about
riches ?" asked the Sunday school SUI
perintendent. And the new boy said
"Not having any."-Ex.
Personal.-"Dear Ned, come back
all is forgiven. Pa kicked the wrong
man, and didn't dnow it was you.
Come Immediately y.-May ."-Ex.
The advertiser, no matter how
small his favors, is like the brave
general. He considered his place to
be at the head of the column.-Ex.
Poets have worried from time i'm
memorial about Smiling summer
flowers" but they never seem to have
given a thought to autumn laugh
vender.-London Funny Folks.
CALLER: "Is your father in?"
Boy: "Yes, sir" Caller: 81 want
to see him. Boy: you can't,
SIR" Caller: 81 thought you said
he was in ?" Boy: $50 he is-run
in. n."-London Moonshino.
Brown to Robinson: "Much of a
shot, Robinson ?" Brown, who is
near sighted "Not too much. It's
about level betting whether | kill the
grouse or the gamekeeper-I gener-
ally hit something. London Moon
shine.
"Bedad, sorr, what's the world
coming to?" exclaimed the O'Bull,
the other day. "D'ye see that Miss
Alma Stanley has been acting with
bare feet? Notorietee and singulari-
tee, sorr, are what everybody's aiming
at now, more's the pity. l suppose
this young ladee will think, now, that
nobody will dare step into her shoes"
London Funny Folks.
On the subject of insects the Lon
don Fun says: When the apiarian's
insect is asked whether it is fond of
flowers, it says, 81 bee". When the
insect which points a moral to the
sluggard is told that it is a stingy
creature, it says, 81 ant" When
the adiposely inclined, and not over
particular in feeding hog is taunted
with being of swinish nature, it re-
marks, 81. ham,"
care you having much practice p
inquired Judge Smith the other day
of a young member of the Rocking
ham, N. H., bar, who had just tried
his first divorce suit. Eyes, your
honor. a great deal," was the reply.
"Ahl 1 am glad to hear of it. In
what line do you practice particular
ly?" "Well, sir, particularly in econ
omy." The Judge called the next
case.-Ex.
"Why," asked the schoolmaster in
astonishment, "can't you read ?"
NO." replied the farmer landlord,
throwing hammer at the hens to
remind them that they must get out
of the corn. "No; the fact is, l
did set out to learn once, but when /
thought that | should never be able
to read ten-thousandth part of the
stuff that's written, | gave it up in
despair. boston Transcript.
They tell good story on a South
Georgian statesman, who went to
Charleston in the old days and stop
pd at hotel. A waiter brought out
some shrimps, which the Georgian
slowed away as best he could. In
moment the waiter reappeared with
stand of celery. NO." said the
Georgian. shaking his head sole mnly.