The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-11-12
SAYINGS OF Josh BILLINGS,

WIT AND W lSi)bM IN DAD SiELi4iNb-
A mule is II pun on the boss.
Common sense is the lnstinkt of reas-
on.
Suksess haz no pedigree. and only n
short krecd,
Politness has won more viktorys than
loGlck ever hnz.
All genuine humor IL truth. and that IL
what makes it SO powerphul.
1t is better not to know so much than
to know so much that amt so.
What man kant win with polit Tess
~ out of the reach ov everything except
klub.
Lies arc like illegitimate children. lia-
bic to call n man father when he lanst eX-
poets it.
A man has AS much rite tew spell a
word rs it is pronounced as he has to
pronounce i. the way it amt spelt.
In this world tharc is n great deal of
what is called virtcw that IL nothing more
than vice tired out
Thare perhaps IL such thing az butt
full lies; the other name for it IL allego-y.
1t amt the lies in this world that are so
much ov II burden as it is vulgar kritters
who are tricng to prove that they are
true.
Reason was given us, not to prove
what we kant understand, but to ration
ally understand what we kan prove.
Rdikule that amt tru IL a dangerous
weapon to use the handle IL sharper than
the point
Thare is a hundred different kinds ov
religion, but only one kind of piety.
Flattery is like Kolone water, tcw be
smclt ov, not swallowed.
Living on Hope is like living on wind,
IL good way to get full, buta poor way tn
get phatt
Mcnny people spend their time treing
to find the hole whar SIN got into the
word--if two men break through the
ice into mill pond, they had better
hunt for some good hole tcw get ou,,
rather than enter into long argus
ment about the hole they cum to fall in.
There IL sum pholks in this world who
spend their lives a hunting after right
cousncss, and kant find emmy time tew
praktiss it.
Whenever msister haz preached a
sermon that ploazes the whole congrega-
slun, he probably has preached one that
the Lord won't indorsc.
Lazyness is good deal like money-the
more a man haz ov it, the more he seems
tcw want.
Advice IL like kastor lie, easy enufr
tew Civ, but dreadful uneasy tew take.
A puppy plas with every pup he meets
but old dogs hav but few associates.
at to ut tba ,;r r,-
of man, examine him among folks; but
ify you want tew git at his aktual diam
ctcr, meazurc him at hiz f1reside.
don't care how much people talk. if
tina will only say il in pheu words.
Men of genius are like eagles tina live
on what tina kill; while men of talent are
like crows tina lives on what has been
killed for them.
There is things in this life for which
we are never fully prepared, that is
twins.
Love is like the measles, we kant hav
it bad but once and the later in life we
have it the tuifer it goes with us,
Tew pick out good husbands
nd both eyes, grab hard, and trust in the
Lord.
Sekrets are cussld poor property, emmy
how if yu circulate them yu loze them.
and if yu keep them yu lose the interest
on the investment.
Every time a man lalfs he takes a
kink ont ov the chan of lie. and thus
lengthens il.
A dog is the only thing on this earth
that luvs yu more than he does himself
The goldfish IL the fruit ov the oshun,
which accounts for their being 81 salt.
They are good eating for wet day;
they are better than umbreller to keep
man dry. They want a good deal of
freshning before they are eaten, and want
frcshning good deal afterward If /
can have plenty ov Goldfish for breakfast
l can generally manage tew make the
other two meals out of cold water
Don't mistake habits for karacter The
men ov the most karacter hav the fcwcst
habits