Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-11-18
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

u.
mustard plaster. Here comes the
mustard plaster" said one draper's
assistant to another, as lady with q
sharp nose and business like. air waltz
ed into the shop and proceeded to
tumble over big pile OF goods. "What
funny name !" said a customer who
was standing by. Why do you call
her a mustard plaster ?"" Simply be-
cause she gets in front of the counter
and buys nothing, aud asks 80 many
questions that she irritates the poor as
sistant who is waiting on her." {" How
does that make her a mustard plaster?"
" Because she is a counter-irritant."
One day the dinner consisted In prrt
OF lamb with salad and dressing. The
dressing suited Mamie and she asked
for second portion, saying "Give
me some of that" What, Mamie?"
said mamma. Please give me some
OF that. Now, Mamie" said mamma,
you must ask for what you want by
mama Mamie looked distressed, but
finally made the astounding request
"I-l-I want some of the clothes |"
Daughter (home from schooD I:
" Now, pa, are you satisfied -? just
look at my testimon ial-' Political
economy, satisfactory dine arts aud
music, very good logic, excellent. i"
" Very much 10, my dear-especially
as regards your future. If your hus
band should understand anything of
housekeeping, cooking, mending, and
the use Of sewing machine, perhaps
your married life will indeed be
happy"
.. who had protracted fits of
absence, told his better half that he was
going away fer a couple Of days. shoot
ing. He took with him his game bag,
his cartridges. and his dog, but forgot
his Ruu. Forty eight hours after he
Dame back loaded with game. "Well,
and your gun ?" Look there, now I"
muttered =; "sure enough I
l thought all the time we were out
shooting that / Was som ethi ing short.
1t Is now deemed the very proper
caper Tor young man to furnish n
young lady with a scrap book and
clippings, and let her do the trimming
and FASTING, They call this their liter.
AIRY work. Alter q time, when the
young man and the young lady are
married, the young mans father will
furnish the -four and sour milk. and
the young lady's mother will make the
bread.
They were talking about music and
the drama at the table of their host.
who, a. they were already well aware,
owed his fortune to his own unaided
exertions. you are fond Of Rossini?"
asked one Of the guests. Passionate
ly," replied the host. "Know his
Barber ?" No, sir, do not; never
pstronized the man, Have shaved
myself for the last forty years.
AT debating club the question was
discussed: Whether there IL more hap.
piness In the possession or pursuit Of
an object Mr.. President" said .
young orator, suppose was oourtin'
a girl, and she was to run away
and | was to run after her, would
MT be happier when | cotched
her than when was running after
her." The young man gained the vic.
tory.
Gus de Smith, while not precisely a
coward, is avsrse TO getting into any
difficulty If he can avoid it. Not long
since, JEFF johnson, who Is great big
strappirg fellow, kicked Gus dog OFT
the pavement. You could not have
done that last week, )" said Gus, defiant.
~. Why couldn't have kicked him
last week?' " Because l only got him
yesterday"
At q juvenile party young gentle
man about seven years old kept him
self from The rest OF tie company. The
4sdy OF the house called to him "Come
and play, aud dance, my dear; choose
one of those pretty girls for your wife. -
" Not likely" cried the cynic; "no
wife for me! DO you think that ! am
going to be worried out of my life like
poor papa"
" There's sad case" said old Mrs.
Squsggs, as she laid the paper on her
knees and wiped her speotaoles; ia
bride struck dumb after leaving the
p tar, and at last accounts she hadn't
recovered her speech" cts the way
Of the world, my DEAR" said old MIR.
|Squsags, with q sigh. /" it's the way
OF the world; some men have all the
luck"
A number of gentlemen were talking
about love. 'T've always had bad luck
in love affairs" said Mr. Psterby. "Tha
first woman loved died" Chow
about the next one?" "She ran off " tn
another man, and the third one became
my wife. Then became discouraged,
and quit the business"
tive hit upon great scheme" said
a provincial editor. ~ nearly doubled
our circulation yesterday" Glow did
you work it?" "See that steel Btamp?
We'll, just cut OUT paragraph in the
local column OF the whole edition !"
"How did that help the circulation"
q" Every woman in the town bought an
extra copy"
&c believe I've lost my wits,' said n
Worried husband 70 his wife Indeed =?
| didn't know you had any to lose, she
answered sarca stically. (" Oh, yes,
dear, had, some once" Well, I
uevor observed them" "No, love, 1
1st them just before | met you" He
didn't want TO say 1t, but she drove
him to 1t.
I" Here, sir, what are you hugging my
girl for 2" thundered an irate father, as
La discovered a young man in the
corner with his arms around his dauxh
TER. Amt hugaing her," shortly
replied the young man. Well, what
or narth are you doing, then Pr just
having quiet waltz, that's all"
Scene-doctor's house. Little boy, at
front door "Is the doctor in 'Cauae
IL he is, 1 waut to see him at once i"
Servant "He's not in Little boy I:
well, Just az soon as he gets home,
you tell him to come over to our house