The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-03-21

|
| My girl, my own hard hearted girl,
meier shall see again,
But she is sensible and wise,
| And level is her head,
| My moustache | bequeathe to her
| To make feather bed"
|
The snake liar who has been alternating
all winter has left his torpid state, and with
the usual effect. Up from the southern
part of the county not far removed from
Streator comes the story of man and a
bottle of whisky and snake. The man
went out on his farm to cut hedge and de-
posted bottle of whisky, uncorked, near
BY After a while he went to take drink
and found that small garter snake had
crawled into the bottle, and he looked at
the same with wonder and alright depict
ed on his face. He thought at first 1t was
an alcoholic illusion, but after satisfying
himself as to its truth he left his snakeship
in undisturbed possession OF the whisky
and went about his business The affinity
between snakes and whisky is we'll illus
trated by this example
So
One of the city dailies quotes bustles at
five cents This announcement of bedrock
figures as to this commodity of merchan
disc places them within the reach of all,
and no well-regulated family should be
without them. The hustle has its own
special mission to perform and is not to be
despised on account of its lowly origin
and meekness as an Indispensable orna.
ment to ladies' apparel, when the frigidity
of the weather has departed. The hustle,
in its own humble sphere of usefulness,
from a small beginning has now an i'm
mense circulation, leaving its original CON-
petitor, the newspaper, far behind in the
race. The gutta-p ercha-coated hustle, in
fiatel at 16 degrees Fahrenheit, has not
been received with popular favor. 1t is too
easily influenced by atmospherical varia.
tions to be relied upon. But the tive-cent,
self,adjustable hustle fills long.felt want
in the community,
-
"Styx" and Logic, )" two would.be philos-
ophers, have been discussing mind and
matter in the papers published in the
neighborhood of the state penitentiary.
The stuff they put forth is nothing more
than blatant nonsense and an effort to ap-
pear learned. They know as little about
what they are writing as the average read
er of village paper, and the editors of
those sheets would benefit their subscribers
more by inserting the stuff in the waste
basket than anywhere else.
g
The young man who milks his brains to
supply diluted lacteal nourishment for our
ungrammatical cotemporary in the Cam
eron block, ought to know that there is a
certain dignity and respect that attaches to
age and that II is not the mark Of a well-bred
gentleman to indulge in low, coarse, ri
baldry and nauseouS slurs towards those
who double his years A young man can
deport himself as gentleman, even if his
youth does not permit him to sport Dun
dreary whiskers like Ed Sapp and ourself.
He should have as high a chivalric sense Of
honor in using his pen as his tongue, even
if his eye-teeth have not yet made their
appearance. There is period between
boyhood and the man, in which stage the
individual is in his goslinghood Then it
is the soft down begins to create delicate
anreola on his upper lip, few hairs herald
the advance of an embryo mustache and
the boy vainly imagines he is full-tledged
man, and he does considerable bluffing on
a small pair. His intellect starts TO work
within him, and he becomes a literary cuss.
Ii is precisely during this period that he
needs conservator, restraining hand TO
direct his inexperienced ideas into the
proper channel. He is big gun, an intel
lectual daisy, in his own estimation, and he
wonders that the public doesn't bow down
in acknowledgment to his genius. And
the worst of II all. is that he will not take
a friends advice. 1t is all the same wheth-
err given good-naturedly, or in spirit of re-
buke, young man in his goslinghood will
LET good counsel in one ear and out of the
other auricular opening. 1t is more than
probable that the youthful person indefin-