The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-01-23
LEARNING TO CHEW.
True Story Of a Boy Who Thought That
Chewing Tobacco Would Mako Him q
Man.

/ True Story OF a 10y Who Thought Thai
Chewing Tobacco Would Make Him 6
Man.
! When l was 4 small boy I looked
upon mel who cheweI tobacco in my
presence rs the masters Of fine art.
especially admired q man who could
/ squirt small stream between his teeth
! and hit doy in the eye. To me Goethe
and Schiller were mere plebsians com.
pared with the man who could do that,
and | longed to equal him in expert,
ness. My father did not Use tobocco,
and my mother always pointed me to
old Jake Lease. whose mouth looked
ike an exploded paint-bucket. as afear-
full example of tobacco-chewing. and to
| old George Long. whose breath made
four counties too miasmatic FOR health,
as frightIul picture of what smoking
would do for 4 fellow.
But ! set my mark high. and could
not De dissuaded b. any such little cpl
sodes rs those. Ny ambition SCARED
away to the cigar-case and the cadiy of
black plug tobacco. and all the ener-
cies OF my soul were concentrated on
the end in view. At last | found OPP
portunity within my grasp. Father
hired hand who chcwCd. and on the
following Saturday was mounted upon
the back of the old sorrel mare, and
sent to the village for the weeks mail.
half 4 gallon of Kerosene oil and three
large plugs of black navy chewing to-
Dacco.
When the merchant passed out the
tobacco. | asked him to cut a small
piece off the end of each of the three
plugs for me. He smiled sweet, sad.
knowing smile. and complied with my
request. | took hearty bite off one
of them and then wandered over to the
post-oftice after the mail. splitting be-
tween my teeth in professional style.
When | came from the Office, | realized
or thought realized that tobacco will
remove superIiuos flesh. | felt as
light as feather. aad l verify believe |
could have been shot through the heart
without feeling it.
Some men giggled as they assisted
me to climb on the back of the old sor-
rel. but did not care for that. | had
so much business TO attend to to keep
my dinner down that their ieers did not
nettle me in the least. and when was
on the old mare, | trumphantly spit
again and started home at limping
clnter.
As soon a. was ont of sight of the
men who had seen me take it. got rid
of my Iuid in = hurry. Ireeled in my
saddle and felt compelled to vomit up
anything from 4 bushel of green apples
to 4 Curardcr. | managed to keep
aboard my ship. however. though it
lureked fcarfully. and was beginning to
believe | would reach home in safety.
when | met the object of my hearts
warmest affections on the road. |
longed to take another chew and spit
one of those charmincly lovely splits in
her presence. and reached into my
pocket and took out piece for that
purpose. The sight of it set me- gag
ging violently. and put it back again.
but the war had begun and up came
nv dinner. | felt as if it would never
stop coming up until al my dinners for
six months wOald join the innumerable
caravan. and vaguely suspected that |
should also throw Up my swecthcart's
dinner. too. felt that / could throw
up all the dinners for m. les around, and
had n sort of dreamy rc-ion TO 20 into
the business OF doing the difficult eme.ic
work of the ncighborhood.
After a time the rctchin@ ceased and
felt Is if it would make but little diff
ference To ne what became of me. |
thought | was dying, and could see the
angels hover NJ around me-, each offer
ing me Chew Of tobacco. | slid off
my horse and asked Resale if she
would not smooth my brow while died
She said she would under ordinary cir
cumstanccs. but just ut that moment
was on her way to 4 nci-hbOr's 10 bor-
row = mop and could nj stop by the
way for tritiCS. | assured her that death
was no tritiinC affair. and that for sew
eral days had only lived to get 4 good
chance 10 die in her arms. but she was
memorable. she said nothing would
rive her more pleasure than 30 haze me
die in her arms. but would have to en-
cUSG Ter this time, as tina mop MIS- be
produced without delay. The old mare
went home alone. and when they went
out to search for me. the found my
corpse il fence corner, stone dead
IhrOUJa Nail.