Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1885-06-17
WIT AND HUMOIs.

manufacturers as u great and growing
oleogarchy.
What Is laughter? asks n scientist.
1t is the sound that you hear when your
hat blows off.
We suspect that the reason why so
many young men arc so fresh is be-
cause they cannot earn their own salt.
Where would we DO without wo-
msnp" asked writer. We would be
all right; but the little pug dog
where would It be?
Things one would rather have left
unsaid; Dearest friend (admiring the
new porlraiD --"lIow sweet How
charming! How pretty! And yet so
likew
A Connecticut man had to entertain
his own mother and his wifc's mother
for week Mt tho same time, and he
says he is now ready to join any show
as lion-lamer
Mistress TO new cook: Wednesdays
and Saturdays | shall 60 to market
with YOU" New cook: VERY well,
mum; but whose goin' to carry the
basket the other days, mumP"
A Louisville lady has sued for d.
yorce, asserting that her husband has
not done any work for fourteen years.
There are some women who want a
man to be on the jump all the time.
what will the coming woman
wearH asked n fashion magazine. If
she's anything like the present woman,
and you take her word for it, she will
have absolutely nothing to wear"
NO." said Sylvia, "Hattie would
not admit that she had young Mr..
Bonnifacc at her feet, though ho is q
singularly handsome man and very
popular. You see he is chiropodist."
Stylish young ladies are wearing lit
tie gold kangaroos on their watch
chains. Oh! the artful things. The
moment II man sees kangaroo he
can't help remembering that it is leap
year.
The man who can thoroughly enjoy
himself at fashionable reception after
discovering that tho bow of his white
tic is under his left ear is superior to
the pomps and vanites of this wicked
world.
An inquirer asked: How can tell
classical music?" That Is easy enough.
When you hear anybody applaud and
look relieved after the piece is finished,
then you can know that it is strictly
classical.
When II young lady encourages fell
low for two or three years and then
suddenly turns around and tells him she
never can be more than a sister to him,
he can for the first time see freckles on
her nose.
1t doesn't ut all elevate the spirits or
increase the general happiness Of the
rural Ethiopian who beats carpets for
living to learn tina. the people in his
neighborhood are about TO discard
carpets and take to stained floors.
It's n pretty difficult thing for a high
school girl to think of something to say
when she goes 10 write composition,
but rs soon as she gets out of school
and while on the way home she can
say q whole newspaper full without
thinking.
"Yes, John is little wild, and I'm
somewhat afraid Of him; but he's got
good run of trade, and we can't dis
charge him very well. Tell you what
let's do. Take him into the firm, and
guess he'll be glad to get out in less
than six months.
A cure for spring fever which works
cxccllently with a man is to have
young woman with her features con-
cealed by veil speak to him on the
street. He'll forget all about being
tired and follow her miles if necessary
to catch n glimpse of her face.
at is now settled" says an ex-
change, ",hat newly.married lady
ceases to be 4 bride and becomes
simply wife when she has sewed q
button on her husbands Clothes" 1t
is this fact that makes us such happy
people. The country is full of brides.
An Irish bride regards it as an ILL
omen to rise before the sun on her
wedding day. Her husband may inter-
pose no objection to such q supersti.
ton on that day. but after marriage he
egards it an ill-omen if she doesn't
rise before the sun and wrcstle with
the fire and the breakfast.
"H'if you wish to spoil good boy
send i'm to college, remarked Feath-
crstone, whose son had Just returned
from course of instruction in
Germany. "Ere's Charles; just back
from the continent you know: What
does o amount to? e went to 'Eidel-
berg, hand that accounts for is lazi-
ness"
REPRESENTATIVES, is that, sir7"
Waiter" THAT is small bottle OF
whisky, sab, and a glass of watah,
sab. " Congrcssman-"Id did not order
it," Waiter-"No, sab; / thought
you might want it." Congressman
(angrily)--"What Iwant Twill order"
Waterfall right, sab; beg your
pardon. Will remove it at once, sah."
Waiter throws out the water,
A white squat caught a party Of
tOui 1918 iuoFillS stCIOSo lukO III DCOL-
land, and threatened to capsize the
boat. When it seemed that the crisis
was really come, the largest and
physically strongest of the party, in
state of intense fear, said, "Let us
pray" mo, no, my man," shouted
the bluff old boatman; "let that little
man pray; you take an oar"
II hope" she said to the new boy in
school, THAT you do not indulge in the
wicked and filthy habit Of smoking
cigars?" Nav" replied the new boy
in burst of proud disdain, gimme q
clay-pipe and some niggerhead tobacco
when you want me to enjoy comfort.
Mono o your fancy smokes for me-"
And then she knew that the new boy
used to clerk on raft. -Bwdette.
Mr.. dc Browne-"May we ask in
what direction you ladies are goingP"
First Young Lady-"We are going to
look at some poor peoples dwellings
near here" Algernon (aghas) Just
fancy! Oh! 1 couldn't manage
'slumbering.' l shouldn't be wide
enough awake, you know" Second
Young Lady-"Ah! 'Slum'- bering is
more in your line. then"
81 say" said railroad brakeman
running into depot restaurant, "the
forward trucks of my car have slipped
off the rails. Have you got piece of
iron anywhere about that we could use