Weekly commercial herald. (Vicksburg, Miss.) 1884-18??, 1885-08-21
CHAPTER u.
A VILLAINS BLOW.

They tell me there are natures stern enough
to be able to crush love out oftheir lives. Ali
not such love as minel Time, they say, can
heal every wound. Not such q wound as
minel My whole existence underwent a
change when Philippa showed mt the we'd
ding-ring on her finger. No wonder it did.
Hope was eliminated from it. From that
moment / was a changed man.
Life was no longer worth living. The
spur Of ambition was blunted; the desire for
fame gone; the interest which l had hith-
erto felt in my profession vanished. ALI the
spring, the elasticity, seemed taken out Of
my being. For months and months I did
my work in a perfunctory manner. 1t gave
me no satisfaction that my practice grew
larger. worked, but l cared nothing for
my work. Success gave mo nc pleasure. An
increase to the number Of my patients was
positively unwelcome to me. So long as l
made money enough to supply my daily
needs, what did 1t matter3 OF what use
was wealth to me9 It could not buy me the
one thing for which l craved. OF what use
was llfe2 No wonder that such friends as l
had once possessed all but forsook me. My
mood at that time was none of the sweetest.
l wanted no friends. l was alone in the
world; / should be always alone.
So things went on for more than a year. !
grew worse instead of better. My gloom
deepened; my cynicism grew more con-
frmed; my life became more and more
aimless.
These are not lovers rhapsodies. 1 would
spare you them if l could; BUTT is necessary
that you should know the exact state of my
mind in order to understand my subsequent
conduct. Even now it seems to me that |
am writing this description with my hearts
blood.
Not a word came from Philippa. Imade
no inquiries about her, took no steps to trace
her. l dared not. Not for one moment did !
forget her, and through all those weary
months tried to think Of her as happy and tc
be envied; yet, in spite of myself, l shud.
dered as l pictured her lot as it might
really be.
But all the while l knew that the day
would come when I should learn whether
was to be thankful that my prayer had beer
answered, or to be prepared to keep my
vow.
In my misanthropical state of mind
heard without the slightest feeling of joy OF
elation that a distant relative Of mine, s
man from whom l expected nothing, had
died and left me the bulk of his large prop
erty. feared nothing for this unexpected
wealth, except for the fact that it enabled
me to free myself from a round of toll il
which by now | took not the slightest inter
est. Had it but come two or three year:
before. Alasl all the things in this life come
too late.
Now that l was no longer forced to min
gle with men in order to gain the means OIL
living. l absolutely Stunned my kind. The
wish Of my youth, to travel in far countries
no longer existed with me. 1 disposed Of
my practice-or rather l simply handed il
over to the first conner. I left the town Of
my adoption and bought a small house-i
was little more than a cottage-some five
miles away from the tiny town of Roding
Here l was utterly unknown, and could live
exactly as / chose; and for months it wa
MY choice to live almost like a hermit,
Ny needs were ministered to by a maj
who had been for some years in my EN-
ployment. He was a handy, faithful fell
low; honest as the day, stolid as the Sphinx
and, for some reason or other, so much at
tached to me that he was willing to perform
Ou nj Douull UL1O uuUloS VI AOuSbhGeDlnH
which are usually relegated to female ser
wants.
Looking back upon that time of seclusion
as a medical man, l wonder what would
eventually have been my fate II events haC
not occurred which once more forced mt
into the world of men? / firmly believe thai
brooding in solitude over my grief would al
last have affected my brain; that sooner OF
later l must have developed symptoms Of
melancholia. Professionally speaking, the
probabilities are I should have committed
suicide.
Even in the depth of my degradation
must have known the dangers of the patti
which l was treading; for, after having
passed six dreary months in my lonely cot
tage, l was trying to brace myself to seek G
change of scene. I shrank from leaving
my quiet abode; but every day formed
afresh the resolve to do so.
Yet the days, each the same as its fore.
runner, went by, and l was still there.
had books, of course. l read for days to
gether; then | would throw the volumes
aside, and, with a bitter smile, ask myself
to what end was I directing my studies
The accumulation of knowledge9 Tush
would give all the learning I had acquired
all that a lifetime Of research could acquire
to hold Philippa for one brief moment t
my heart, and hear her say she loved me
If IN the whirl of men, in the midst of hare
work, found it impossible to conquer my
hopeless passion, how could l expect to d.
so living as 1 at present livedq
Therel my egotistical descriptions are al
most over. Now you know why said tina
you must sit by the fire and think with me
must enter, as 1t we're, into my inner sell