The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-03-06
Fun At WEDDINGS.

Fun At WEDDINGS,
01osesQNs 8sDpsainSs aaa 1lAtoaleNs
11lstakss-1ymsa's Comedies % Related
hys 0sstea clergyman.
EYES," said . Boston clergyman,
"more ludicrous incidents and queer
mistakes happen in connection with
weddings or marriages then I ever mo-
6ced in connection with any Of my 9TH
or work. There are times when have
difficulty in keeping my oountenance
straight, and Of course you wouldn't
like to bs laughed at by the minister
just q hs was about to join you solemn
ly In wedlock with the lady you loved.
The most trying time I ever had was
when I was young in the ministry, and
when I had not such control over
my keen sense of the ludicrous as
have since acquired. I was located at
Houlton, Me. One day 3 couple drove
over from Woodstock, N. B., and when
they arrived in the village began lnquir-
ing for minister. Some of the mischief
loving boys got hold of them, and took
them down to the market, where they
were placed on exhibition and piled
with ill sorts of ridiculous questions, to
the great amusement of the crowd and
without embarrassment to themselves,
for they were too grecn to appreciate
the joke. Finally, after everybody had
had his fill Of fun, the bride and groom
were escorted to my house by few of
the most mischevious Of the crowd. II
was al could do to keep from roaring
whom they entered, and I felt that I must
maintain my dignity, not only for the
sake Of the bride and groom, but be-
cause some of the young men present
were members of my congregation, and
il I yielded to my feelings then, I might
have difficulty in restraining myself
when I faced them from the pulpit.
The woman was the tallest, most
awkward and most fantastic female
I ever saw. She was six feet and two
inches high, and dressed in all the bright
colored toggery she could get on,
without regard to harmony or style of
make. But ono article struck me so
forcibly, and was thrust on my atten-
tion 80 prominently, thas forgot all
the other details. She had hand which
came near answering tho description,
as large as codfish,' and these were
enclosed in pair of thick yarn mittens,
which made every finger look as big as
q potato. These gloves were q marvel.
They were striped, red and white, the
stripes running lengthwise the finger,
while ON the back of each hand she had
worked, in coarse yarn, what she
thought was some sort of a flower, into
which she had wrought every lmproba-
bio color that grotesque imagination
could picture. The man was dilninu-
tive half-breed, Indian and French,
and he had no vest nor collar on, and
his pants were held up by lumber
mans leather belt, fastened with an
old, rusty iron buckle. l managed to
get through the ceremony, however,
and relieved my feelings after they had
gone.
Il remember q bashfl,l fellow who
came to my house with his girl to get
married. he was 80 bashful that I pit
led him. He was absolutely over
whelmed-paralyzed, I ought to say.
He came into the parlor with his hat
on, and did not remove it once. despite
all the hints that his bride and gave
him. said all the assuring things
could and tried to engage him and his
lady in conversation, but he was so
abashed that he could neither answer
nor move. I limited that he stand be-
side his lady bnt he was so frightened
that lie did not understand. Finally,
in despair, said quietly and privately
to the bride: If you will take your
place beside the groom I will marry
you.' and when she approached him it
seemed absolutely to startle him with
new fright.
"One young man, who came on
the same errand was struck with
curiosity the moment he entered the
house. He absolutely ignored his
bride, while he wandered about the par
lor, scrutinizing in wondering way
every picture, every book. orna-
ment and piece of furniture in the room.
The bride sat and blushed, while tried
to call his attention to the business of
the moment, but he kept on, and it was
more than fifteen minutes before l
could get the two corralled near enough
together to marry them:
II married queer couple once, a
short time before came to Boston.
The man had just entered his profession
which we will call that of physician
and had determined upon his place of
settlement. The young lady, bright,
intelligent, we'll educated girl, who
knew the ways of society, had made
up her mind that she would marry a
doctor, and finally she had brought
matters round in quiet womanly way
to the point of his asking for her hand
and heart, and of corrse she yielded.
The acquaintance had beer astonishing
ly brief. They we're hardly acquainted
when I was summoned to marry them.
He was very skillful and devoted to his
profession, which he had mastered we'll
for young man in theory and
practice. But he knew less of the
ways of the world and the customs of
social and domestic life than any other
man I ever met. He was on the point
of starting for his new home the very
next day after the marriage, and with
the utmost unconcern regarding the
proprieties of the occasion, had packed
mp all his apparel ready for the journey.
He was stopping at the house of a
- 1aAz
the afternoon, discovered that the
bridegroom did not have o change Of
linen to dress with. Hurried consul
tstions were had, and his hostess, with
woman's readiness for emergencies,
took the measure of his collar and
waist, went down just as the store were
about to close and purchased the desired
articles, which the bridegroom accepted