The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-06-19
Successful Drumhdef,

the travelling mon, the ..drummers., >
had more enterprise and vinegar ~
their composition than. ahy class Of
men il the known world. The ides
mas been; illustrated the past few
weeks by the drummer Howard, trav.
cling for the Colt firearms company,
Of Hartford. The company desired 70
bring the merits Of their Calling gun
before the people. 1t was gun that
they pridcd themselves on, and al
they wanted was a chance. to- show q.
The reaper manufacturers send reap.
ere to Texas early in the season, with
experts to work them on the ripeninp
grain. and why should not the gun
men 60 where the rebels were ripe Tor
cutting down" Ho~a ard took his sam
pie case Of gun and checked it to Win
hipe&. He called ON Gen. Middleton
and asked for permission to show
his goods. and the general told him to
pack up and come along to where the
crop Of rebel half breeds was waiting
for the harvest. Howard took his gun
and package of circulars and went
to the front, and when the battle was
going on. he unpacked his machine
and opened on the enemy. He moved
them down right and left; and the
Cahadian troops stopped firing and
watched the Yankee with his pepper
box. There was no use iii their fool
ing away time firing their single guns.
when Howard could throw basket
full OF balls right into the ranks of tho
half breeds by simply turning crank.
1t was the greatest success that any
drummer ever met with since the
agent for q cathartic pill visited a
bilious neighhorhood years ago and
gave away pills to all who would take
them. As the farmers of Texas gather
around successful reaper at d trial,
and order machines for their own use.
SO the Canadian soldiers gathered
around Howard, complimented him,
and shook his hand, and said thew
would have to have some Of those
gums: The modest drummer admitted
that the slain were not his enemies at
all, but he had simply killed them in
the way of business, and he hoped there
would be no hard feeling. He
felt like asking the pardon of the
widows and orphans that he had made
by his experiments, but business was
business, and he hoped they would
recognize the necessity of man earn
ing an honest living, though it became
necessary to depopulate q country IN
doing SO. All he asked was a trial of
his goods and he would guarantee sat.
isfaction, or it should not cost cent.
To make the affair complete, there
should have been drummers present
from an embalming establishment, to
demonstrate how easily aud cheaply
bodies could be embalmed, SO tiey
would retain the natural appearance
until the remains could be taken home.
Dealers in collins at wholesale might
have been with Middleton with SAM
pies of goods, and the Rochester man
who sells those beautiful hearses
might have been present with few
hearses to sell to- the half breeds.
War is 3 peculiar science, and it is
necessary. probably, to kill people,
but it is not necessary and it is not
right for business men to murder hui.
man beings in order to sell goods.
This case may be overlooked because
tho rebels who were killed were poor
and friendless, but as Howard was not
an enlisted Canadian soldier, he had
narrow escape from being a premedi-
tated murderer. II that Calling gun
had been used as an advertisement on
the rioters at Joliet, and the drum.
mer had killed anybody, not being an
enlisted soldier of the State of I'LL.
nois. he would have been murdered,
or tried for murder, and his employ
ers, the Colt Arms Co., would very
likely have been mulcted in damages
for millions of dollars. 1t is possible
they may now. If the families of those
killed by Howard can prove that he
killed them, as an authorized agent of
the mlllionaires offConnecticat, and
they can get jatsice in the courts,
there is no dead 4sure thing that the
experiment of selling guns by killing
people for fun, as the ferret kills rats,
may not prove the most expensive
piece of business ever INDUCED in by
a Yankee rustler. The Colts may be
made bankrupt by that one expcri-
ment. and few would regret i. il they
were. There is such a thing as car
rying Cuisines" too far.-Reck's
Sun.