The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-09-03
NO. Is.
Oye.! Oyen!

>" NhlVaBo plo CaKeS Cne place OF re-
ligion.
It's funny, but a crooked man is of
ten put into straight jacket.
The grave of long ago is guarded by
the sentinel of time.
The stage carpenter stops work in
the heated term on account OF tho
flies.
Lemon pies are now made without
eggs. The lemons have long since
been discarded.
Distracted husband--What shall /
name our little daughter.
Dying wife-Anything but Bridgetl
The toiler of q morning newspaper
is well up in the mysteries oithe night
OF labor.
Wheresoeyer q cholera morbus case
is gathered together there look for wa.
termelon. ''e
A good sized whale will produce two
tons Of whalebone if treated like a gen.
tleman.
When a man gives himself away he
is usually sold. That may appear par
adoVical, but is IL?
Give lost ten pounds of Aesh on
your account" sighed the butcher, as
dog ran off with steak.
A man may not have much courage
to run for Office, but he often excites
our rage when he does.
The house fly is very slow in its
movements when you want it to go
out Of doors; but quicker than quick.
ness when it wants to come in.
Several young ladies have been ap-
pointed station agents in Minnesota,
and engineers are keeping q sharp
lookout for misplaced switches.
Henry Watterson thinks "things
will be much hotter in 49," This is
the first authoritative intimation that
his health is in precarious condition,
When you see q woman meekly
obey her husband you can be sure Of
one or two things-she is either afraid
OF him or is working him for new
bonnet.
Marriage may be defined as q tenn.
porary social alliance, entered into for
the purpose Of acquiring a cheap no.
toriety through the medium Of d.
vorce.
"Tifin, o., has trottiug bes." A
man might get away from bee that
doesn't travel faster than trot. Il il
the insect that travels with the speed
of winged lightning that he Can't
dodge.
| II is pretty safe to bet that o woman
who has not practiced and does no
know how 70 pack a saratoga trunk, sc
as to be ready to start off to the sea
side at an hours notice, died when she
was merry young.
Some people have very roundabout
way Of impaiting informationotAt
ball in o Texas city o stranger asked /
stout olf gentleman -
"WhQ are those seven young ladie'
on the opposite side Of the roomS"
"The one on the right is my daught
er. The others are sisters Of hers
"Well, l suppose you are takinl
your siesta regularly" said one Tole
do man to another whom he met ur
on the street.
20, yes indeed" replied the othe
! smiling, "take it regularly. 1 can
get along without beer this weather
II the billionaire committee on tn
I New York Grant monument will writ
r more checks and fewer appeals to tn
outside public, it will be more success
!. full in raising funds and building
; monument than there is at presen
any prospect that it will be.
Z Never cook potato with its kin.
o Never boil your ice, although if'yo
/. don't boil your rice it will not be fit I
eat.
/ Never put out the eyes Of potatoe
cut off the ears OF corn, or amputat
l, the toes 0i tomatoes. #e
n Never keep you milk in paper bag
n, for paper is sold by the ream, an
4 milk ream is not as good as 9th,
kinds of cream.
Gensioman--''1 am sorry 10 learn
your wiie's death, Uncle Rastus."
" Uncle Rastus--"Sah"
I'd Gentleman--"I say that am vel
ID sorry 10 hear that your wife has recer
ly died."
20 Uncle Rastus with puzzled lool
81 giss da' am some mistake DO
Il dat, Mistah Brown. I lef de- old q
he man In gud health dis Snnwnin, So
Who said she wah dead.f Z"
,u Gentlemhn--"I've forgotten no
But I certainly heard 30 several de
I ago"
IN Uncle Rastus (his face clearing u
-"Oh. va'ak. now / un1arasar'e AZ