Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-04-21
BRIGHT BITS.

! WICKED REPUBLICAN punsters denominate
! those Democrats who get Offices as lewgetlVes.
/ -Aerchant Tra0eyler.
IT is said that Gen. Komarof is a hard
drinker. He can't find any lamp-posts at
| present, and makes up for them by SEEING
| Afghan outposts. --Irog Times.
THE DowAGER--We were very sorry to
miss your presence at our daughters we'd
| ding.
Mr.. stupid-Why. I ordered the presents
sent two days before the wedding. III look
into the matter.-B0StoR Beacon.
MOTHER think the spinal vertebra Of the
frigid season have received severe frac-
ture," remarked a high school girl to her
mother. YES" replied the old lady, ~ eX-
pec'ed your father would hurt that dog when
he threw the poker at it."-OU City Derrick.
A DUDE was seen in Fifth avenue the other
day followed by an attendant carrying some
thing that looked like a small telegraph pole.
1t was, however, only the dudes walking
stick. Fashion has ordered them so large
this year that it takes a man to carry one
-Ne1C York Tribune.
PRACTICAL EDUCATIoN-Bll: GLOW do
you spell Opshinul. Sam?' (Sam hestates).
'Come, / thought you had a college educa-
tion?n Sam-"Did; but it was opshinul
whether took in Greek and Latin or balls
and bats, You know. Look in the directory"
-HdfPer's WeeklY.
WHITE MAN REBUKED.-A stranger in Aus
tin met Uncle Nose and asked him: where
does Col. Yerger reside?" "He nbs out dar
on Austin avenue sOmewhars." what is the
number of the house, Huh! You finds de
number on de dOre. Don't you know how ter
read yitT'-TegdS SJtingS.
Two little boys talking:
SAY, JOnnie, would you strike WomanW
''No, sir; you bet l wouldn't. No man
would, unless he was a coward"
"Well, would. I'd strike my own mother"
''What for. you wicked. wicked boy?'
"Pd strike her for nickel to buy kite
string with. N-MerchdHt IFGUelJer.
An ambitious Galveston doctor was COM
planning about the ngratitude of the public
towards his profession. He said, bitterly,
Statesmen, Generals, artists and scientists
all get monuments erected in their memory,
but who ever heard of a doctor having mon
umentp' "Why, doctor, don't you count
those monuments out in the churchyard?
Don't they mean anything?'-Ie1tS SJtjngS.
THE government account of the memorial
services IN the United states Senate in honor
OF Gen. Burnside. opens with the chaplain'5
prayer, which began thus; Almighty God,
our Heavenly Father, in obedience to tie call
of the President Of the United states, we have
met together this day" This information as
to the authority of the meeting Is paradeled
bv the opening of prayer at q cattle show
dinner few years ago at Haverhall, the dl
vine who asked the blessing beg ming thus:
so Lord. we are assembled to day under the
auspices of the Essex Agricultural Society"
-L0loeU Courier.
"DGD you ever notice how Il woman takes
the cork out of a bottle?" mo, think not.
Did yOu?" Yes" Glow does she do it?"
"Why, she nails it with her teeth, bites
1t on, and then gets mad and breaks
the bottle. If she don't do it that
wav, she takes a knife and prods
and prizes around the stopper till she cuts her
finger. and then, when the blood begins to run
and her Dutch gets up, she throws the knife
across the room, shOvcs the cork into the bottle
spanks the first young one she gets her hand
on. and then sits down and takes good cry"
-Chtcag0 Herdld.
REL RISES TO REMARK
Pm a lantern -jawed half breed with hair on
my teeth,
l was born on the mountain, but howl on the
heath,
From Texas to Greenland, it is my belief,
There's no such bold pirate as | am.
Pm big listed, lop-sided son OF the plain,
My breath is the blizzard, my sptte is rain;
Like bottled blue lightnlng's the blood in my
vein.
I'm son Of a cyclone from Siam.
Six hundred swart sons OF the Saskatchewan.
Each armed to the teeth, I've mortgage upon,
The bravest of bruisers-tbe very bon-ton;
Not a foot Of the whole gang is tender.
Mr.. Middleton's miniOns were waiting to eat.
Mr. Meigund wen pulyerlZe into mnce meat,
And the Winnipeg warriors will wall their de-
feat.
And wish they'd not come on this bender.
SO get there We CORY galoots from the west.
Carve the quivering lung from each red
coated breast.
We started the fght, and if each does his best
We will none Of us die nor surrender.
-NiHRedp0hS tribune.