Smyrna times., 1885-07-29
WHOLE NO. l,57l.
HERE AND ELSEWHERE.

Pail Mall had better be pronounced
PeU Nell.
The love for variety will soon revel
in sparrow pie.
Ivy clinging to the walls keeps them
dry by ABSORPTION.
Waves out from the shore do not
only oscillate.
Every pin that falls to the ground
becomes at once terra-pin.
No wart has ever lived long enough
on a wOman's nose to be wart.
No balloon has ever remained in the
air until the elapsed time of a second
sunset.
Uncomfortable Eastlake furniture is
finding its way to where it belongs
the garret.
An aerOnaut named Mich fell out of
his balloon and then paragraphers rev
elled in split Mich.
Experts in looking over the Phila-
delphia Mint found $500 pounds of
spelter unfit for use.
All of the soldiers of the First EN-
pire in France, who wore their spurs at
Jena have passed away.
A color map of all the States at
Washington shows Delaware to be the
nearest to a parallelOgram-or grabs.
Bret Harte has been removed from
his comfortable consulship at Glasgow,
Scotland, but it will not break his
heart.
1t is a burning truth that the civiliza-
ton of country now is in proportion
to the amount of sulphuric acid used to
make lyes.
On ferry boats the rules allow no
talking with the man at the wheel.
On cable roads it permits of no lip with
the gripper.
Nero fiddled while Rome burned"
although in point of fact fiddles were
not invented until centuries after
NerO's time.
Barratry, or the running of vessel
purposely ashore to secure the insur-
! ance, is punishable with death in the
United States.
The famous yacht SilettO, known as
the Hereschoff WONDER" is provided
with coil boilers that can instantly con-
vert cold water into steam.
The search of the U. S. fish steamer
AIbatrOss for the lost species of tile fish
sixty miles northeast of the capes of
the Chesapeake, has been fruitless.
An ingenious ice cream salOonist
placed coils of steam pipe under his
saloon floor as he said to equi-balance
the cold, but really to coal the cold
business.
With the greatest difficulty some
visitors at the New Orleans Exposition
could be prevented from eating their
greasy lunches seated in the elegantly
upholstered chairs.
The unlucky venture of Governor
Underwood with the National En-
campment, succeeded like all failures
do-$2O,OOO short of success and may
be called Deadwood.
The authorship of "Old Hundred" "
has always been ascribed to Luther,
but Prof. McClurg, of Philadelphia,
gives it, after thorough search, to
Louis Bourgeoise, in 154l.
| All of the rare Honiton lace, belong
ing to Queen Victoria, and which was
used at the wedding of the Princess
Beatrice, can be slowed away in
thimble, so fine is the texture.
The molecular construction ofgranite
and marble being charged with water,
which converted into steam by heat,
disentegrates the mass, hence neither
material is absolutely fre-proof
, Ladies who are members of the Soci-
, ety for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Animals appear at stated meetings
with their hats trimmed with humming
birds, forgetting that charity begins at
/ hum.
At Massowah, in the SOudan, the
heat often reaches 1859 in the shade,
. and millions of white ants eat away
everything but sheet iron, while sand
n flies and mosquitoes make sleep impos-
j sible
! The Allan Line Company, running
e steamers from Philadelphia, will have
o two powerful steamships built in Eng
land to compete with ocean racers out
of New York and to seOnre the Par
u lament subsidy of 100000.
Notice the next time your wife irons
o how she will take the hot iron, turr
him up, and slap him with finger Gov
cred with spittle, while the perspira
n ton pours down her face. Just think
n without, however, expressing the sad
e irony, how easily it might have beef
o you by evolution.
Nearly everyone is familiar with thu
point that advertising is like winkint
| = at girl in the dark, etc, but a north
i ern New York paper got it as kissing
d and then goes on to say, "you ma!
C, know and she may know what you are
. doing" and by way of finish, although
n spelling the point, added; Hanged
if anybody else ought to know"
= The laws of consolidated Norway
and Sweden are like those of the Mede
and Persians-unalterabl One o
them is that at sea or in port sailor
are to have refreshments six times
u day and every time the captain makes
it tea. The sailors must notify all II
hearing from the yard arms that the!
have been served by singing in chorus
,e "Tatlesiftert, en-Tin, und Bin" a
which refrain no wonder our commerc'