The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-01-01
The Tender Conscience
of MIR. B0bberts.
BY SHERWOOD BONNER.
From Haper's Weekly.

WuZQ TuSG WuH CuottG. COpAC saw tliC
bread a-slippin out O ther mouths in
std of inter them, an every man On
the Nine-mile wuz as blue as a wet
hen. Talk run high about emigratin
to Kansas, which wuz represented ELS
ovorAowin' with milk an honey, free
fur all who wuz a-longin' fur that
Scripteral food.
Nobody grumbled more than our
highest neighbor, Mr.. $3.50 Bobberts.
Israel wuz his proper name, but some
wag had Civ him the kognomen Of
"So-So," an co'se it stuck to him Ike
burr. 1t riz from his habit of never
comm out with squar yes OF no on
any pint, nor, so to speak, of givin'
any satisfactory praise or dispraise to
things Of God or the devil. Every.
thing wuz from fair to middlin', like
an average cotton bale. He wuz
mighty low once, an the doctor had
about give him up.
"How do you stand with God p
says Preacher Snowden, a-bendin' over
him, an shoutin' loud inter his deef.
ening ear.
"So-so," growls Mr.. Bobberts, true
to hisself to the last. He never wuz
one fur gilt-edge speeches, an didn't
want ter ornament his dyin' bed with
ANYTHING uncommon.
However, he didn't die this turn,
but wuz soon round, psart as ever,
seemin' ter think he had outwitted
death fur good. Truth is, he's one of
the tough kind that's hard ter kill, not
ounce O. adipose on his bones. He
is long an lean an lank an ribby as
the sea sand, as the poetry book says.
On top O. that long body o his is set
the littlest head ever I see on mature
adult person-not much bigger than a
billiard ball, an nigh about ez smooth,
if you could ketch him on summers
day coolin' off under a tree, with his
wig hangin' in the branches above.
His face is smovth-shaved, an has a
kind O. scorched look, as if it had been
held over blaze till the red wuz burnt
in; an with glitterin' little black eyes
an tight mouth, he is altogether a
curious-lookin' old critter.
Ter begin my story proper, mebbe [
ought ter go back to the fust thrashin'
machine that wuz ever brought to the
Nine-mile. It wuz a sort of triangular
purchase, Mr.. Bobberts leadin' of, an
persuadin' two neighbors, John Raney
an Farmer Sweet, to club in with him,
it bein' too expensive fur any one man
ter buy. Everybody wuz surprised at
sich a j'inin' of forces, fur John an
Farmer Sweet wuz jolly, slap-dash kind
O. fellers, spendin' their money free as
words, au' fonder Of good laugh than
of daily bread, while Mr.. Bobberts
wuz as close as a chestnut, an never
could see any sense in joke. How
somever, the thrasher wuz bought, an
a contract made settin' forth that the
machine wuz to be controlled ekally
by the three, an that in any question
concernin' it the majority .ouz ter rule.
One day Mr.. Bobberts, John Raney,
an Farmer Sweet wuz hard at work
in the fust-named's ten-acre field. Mr..
B. wuz mortal cross that day, an his
helpers wuzn't feelin' very loyin'
Noontime brought Cissy Roberts with
two tin buckets containin' a snack.
"Maw says you are to come up to the
house, paw says she; 'ther's some
hot gingerbread fur you"
Bobberts walked off very prompt,
an the two men that wuz left looked
at each other an grinned.
"Did I ever tell you about my
grandfather 2" said John Raney to
Farmer Sweet.
didn't know you had grandfath-
er."
"Well, / did; an I can tell you he
wuz man among men. On one oc-
casion my mother, who wuz a gret
person for putin on style, had invited
a lot of town folks out to = dinner. 1t
wuz to be a big affair. Ovens an
skillets an pots an pans wuz all full.
As luck would have it. my grandfath-
er wuz buildin' mill in the vicinity,
an he had good force O laborers
employed-some twenty men or more
an among 'em half a dozen black
fellows that he had picked up in town.
Jest as dinner wuz about to be dished
up, in stalked the old man as solemn
as turkey gobbler, an after him six
negroes, each with brandnew wooden
tray balanced on his head. Fill 'em
up, boys says he, in voice to make
your hair stand en- end an at the
word, in a twinklin' the dinner wuz
piled up on the trays-venison an pig,
an roast turkey au' fried chicken, an
vegetables an pies of every name an
natur-a clean sweep, even to the salt
pork that wuz mixed in with the
'fresh,' fur old acquaintance sake.
Not so much as a cooky wuz left to
tell the tale. Mis- Jacob Price, who
wuz a-cookin' fur my mother that day,
wuz so overcome at seein' the company
dinner hurricaned away in such a
fashion that she jest sunk inter a chair,
an sot there like wax fgger, big
eyed an tongue-tied. An when the
six Africans had marched out, all on
the broad grin, my grandpa turned to
Mis- Price, an says he: 'Ive got
twenty men a-laborin' at my mill, an
they deserve good dinner, fur they've
earned it. An as fur them lazy wo.
men at the house'-here he p'inted his
thumb over his shoulder very con.
temptuous-'let 'em come out an cook
another dinner, or 60 home a-fastin'." ;"
Mr.. Sweet took thoughtful pull at
the butter-milk Jug. "Must ha' had q