The Arizona sentinel., 1885-05-02
WIT AND HUMOR.
10 transit-An ambulance wagon.

every man cant De hlng or Asnantee.
 ONE is seal ring and the other is { real sing. Eh? Sure enough. Wha was the conundrum?
 A YOUNG man described taxidermist to bevy of young girls as one who sort O upholsters animals He took the cake.
 THE difference between the Feniar leader and an advance agent is that one is Head Center, while the other IS sent ahead
 NEVER address your conversation to person engaged in footing up column of figures. There's nothing so deaf as an adder.
 AN Irishman who was found guilty oi stealing lot of coffee was asked by the magistrate what he did with 1t. "Made tay with it, "was the Hibernian's reply. YoUNa lady, examining some bridal veils-" Can you really recommend this one?" Over -zealous shopman-" Oh, yes, miss It may be used several times"
 "TM afraid the bed is not long enough for you," said the landlord to seven foot guest. "Never mind, he replied :; "I'n add two more feet to it when l get in."
 "WmL you name the bones of the head?" said teacher to one Of his class. "Tve got 'em all in my head, teacher" replied the pupil, "but can't give 'em away"
 "I,L1 take VOLT arm. Miss Ida. please.
 Good faith I've need to cling to-"
 'Good faith, indeedl" said she, but, then,
 My arm is not the thing to
 Impart you that!" Responded he,
 With lips that ne'er denied her,
 "Good faith Is bona fde, girl,
 And this is bone of lda.n
 WE are constantly told that "the evening wore on"-but what the even- ing wore on such occasions we are not informed. Was 1t the close of sum- mer's day7
 WHY is a thief your only true phi losopher? Because he regards every thing from an abstract point of view, is opposed to all notions of protection, and is open to conviction.
 THIS is a little coeducational scene {: Professor "Who will see MT. B. before next Monday?" Lady student, hesitat- ing and blushing little more I shall see him Sunday night, probably"
 IKE Philadelphia NesOs man is per son of experience. He says: GA Boston man has invented Q new word-'Astron- omsteorology.' It means what man sees when he suddenly runs against a lamp-post."
 4 YOUNG man in the "Answers to Correspondents column in New York paper asks: How can I gain copious command of language p We would suggest that he try sitting down on a charlottesville Courier Journal.
 "CouRTEsY opens many doors," says the old adage. "This may be true, as far as 1t goes, says commentator; "but you might stand before building and courtesy till you spinal column was As Timber as an old postage-stamp, yet the doors wouldn't swing back on their hinges worth cent"
 4. CLERGYMAN, being annoyed by some of his audience going out while he was preaching, took for his text, "Thou art weighed, and found wanting" Soon after commencing his discourse, he said, "You will please pass out as fast as you are weighed" HE WAS 70 and she was IS, and they were on their wedding tour. He pointed out to her the beautiful scenery, and said: "We may have many anniver- saries of this season." "Yes," she answered, "you will probably live long enough to have 8 tin wedding"
 DEsDEMoNA.
 told her of my three years cruise,
 Its haps and mishaps; and, when
 Had finished, in her sweet, rapt muse,
 ahe murmured breathlessly, myI"
 And when I told my journeys OCT,
 From arid zone to lands of snow,
 She paused in wonderment before
 She softly cried, "You don't say sop
 And when told of dangers, fears
 Our shipwreck, when we suffered so-
 Half frightened, and almost in tears,
 She faltered forth, "I I want to knowp .-Seribnsr's Magazins.
 A PHYSICIAN having duel on his hands requests two of his friends to ar- range with his adversary the hour of the meeting. "Make it tomorrow" he says, "but not in the forenoon, because must visit four patients before going to the ground" "I see, murmurs one of the seconds, Che wants to get his hand in."
 "YEs," said witness, "I remember the defendants mother crying on the occasion referred to. She was weeping with her left eye-the only one she has and the tears were running down her right cheek" "What l" exclaimed the Judge, "How could that be ?" "Please, your Honor," said the witness. "she was swfully cross-eyed."
 PAsTE.-A correspondent of Neao Remedies gives the following recipe for paste for use in prescription books and labels: "I dissolve half an ounce of alum in pint of boiling water; to this add an equal weight of flour, made smooth in little cold water, and few drops of oil of cloves, letting the whole come to a boil. This paste will keep months. l