The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-10-02
OF JUSTICE.

Iey ana a cluDt ocOlNilce w yOIlInS justice
of the peace that he had no right to send a
man to the penitentiary for life. Another
justice i'll Utah sentenced a criminal to be
hung on the following Friday. between IL
and / o'clock Of said day. but he couldn't
enforce the sentence. A Wisconsin justice
of the peace granted a divorce and in two
weeks married the couple over again-ten
dollars for the divorce and two dollars for
the reunion.
Another one. when his first case came
up. ierked a candle box around behind the
dining-room table, put his lat on the back
Of his head, borrowed a chew of tobacco
from the prisoner, and said: eNow, boys,
the courts open. The first fellar that says
a word unless | speak to him will get
paralyzed. Now, tell your story Then
each witness and the defendant reeled off
his yarn without being sworn. The jus
tice fined the defendant $40 and made the
complaining witness pay half the costs.
The justice then took the fine and put it in
his pocket, adjourned court, and III half an
hour was so full that it took six men to
hold his house still long enough for him to
get into the door.
A North Park justice of the peace and
under sheriff formed a partnership years
ago for the purpose of supplying people
doing a strictly cash business they dis
pensed with a good deal of justice, such as
it was.
1t was a misdemeanor to kill game and
ship it out of the State, and as there was a
good deal killed there, consisting of elk,
antelope and black tail deer especially, and
as it could not be hauled II OF the park at
that season without going across the
Wyoming line and back again into the
State of Colorado, the under-sheriff would
load himself down with warrants, signed
in blank, and station himself on horseback
at the foot of the pass to the north. He
would then arrest everybody indiserimi-
nately who had any fraction of a deer, an
telope or elk ON his wagon, try the case
then and there, put on a fine of s25 to s75,
which, if paid, never reached the treasury,
and then he would wait for another vic
tim. The average man would rather pay
a fine than 90 back a hundred miles through
the mountains to stand trial, so the under
sheriff and justice thrived for some time.
But one day the under-sheriff served his
patent automatic warrant on a young man
who refused to come down. The officer
then drew one of those large baritone in
struments that generally has a coward at
one end and a corpse at the other. He
pointed this at the young man and as
sessed a fine of $50 and costs. Instead of
paying this fine, the youth, who was quite
nimble, but unarmed, knocked the bogus
officer down with the butt-end of his six
mule whip, took his self-eoeking creden-
tials away and lit out. In less than a week
the justice and his copper were in the re-
frigerator.
| was once a justice of the peace, and a
good many funny incidents occurred while
| held that office. l do not allude to my
official life here in order to call attention
to my glowing career, for thousands of
others no doubt could nave administered
the affairs of the Office as well as | did. but
rather to speak of one incident which took
place while ! was a j. P.
One night after l had retired and gone
TO sleep a milkman called Bill Dunning
rang the main bell and got me ont of bed.
Then he told me that a man who owed
him a milk bill of $50 was loaded up and
prepared to slip across the line overland
into Colorado, there to grow up with the
country and acquire other Indebtedness no
doubt. Bill desired an attachment for the
entire ~wagon-load of goods and said he had
an officer at hand 70 serve the writ.
But said as | wrapped a welcome
husk door mat around my glorious proper
tions, chow do you know while we on
verse together he is not winging his way
down the valley of Pardee ?"
s'Never mind that. .jedge. says William.
s'You just fix the dockyments and I'll tend
to the defendant"
In an hour Bill returned with $50 in cash
for himself and the entire costs of the
court, and as we settled up and fixed the
docket | asked Bill Dunning how he de-
tanned the defendant while he made ont the
affidavit and writ of attachment.
''You reckollect, jedge," says William,
shat the Vaughn wheel is held onto the
exile with a big nut. No Vaughn kin go
any length of time without that there nut
onto the exile. Well, when I diskivered
that what's his name was packed up and
the Vaughn loaded, | took the liberty to
borry one of them there nuts fur a kind OF
momento as it were. and | kept that in my
pocket till we served the writ and he paid
my bill and came to his milk, if you'll
allow me that expression, and then says
to him, Pardner, say |, you are going
far, far away where | may never see you
again. Take this here nut, says !, 'anC
put it onto the exile of the oft hind whee
of your Vaughn, and whenever you look a
it hereafter, think of poor old Bill Dun
ming the milkman. Bill Nge.
A little book on 'What the Temperate,
Century Has Made Certain compose,
| of two lectures by the Rev. Wilbur Fisl
Crofts, is published by Funk & Wagnalls