The Florida agriculturist., 1885-01-07
VARIETIES.


men. They can often turn newspaper
establishment into money when all the
efforts of the editor in that direction
have failed.
woman is a delusion, madaml' ex-
claimed a crusty old bachelor to
witty young lady. "And men are always
hugging some delusion or other" was
the quick retort
If it is part of prudence to face every
claimant, and pay every just demand on
your time, your talents, or your heart,
always pay; for, first or last, you must
pay your entire debt.
A Young gentleman wishes to know
which is proper to say on leaving a
young lady friend after late call-good
night or good evening? Never tell a lie,
young man, say good morning.
''I do SO like Miss Badgers singing,
don't vou?" she asked. "I cant say that
l do exactly" "But you must recollect
that she always sings without her mu-
Sic" 81 don't doubt it. That's just the
way it sounds"
"John," said the plumber to his boy,
ego to the stationery store and bring me
ream of foolscap." eyes, sir, ream
sir; will ream be enough?' eyes;
fedln Will QO. L W llldhC OuO OAlJ
one bill this morning"
'How much did you say this was?"
cone dollar and half" That's big
price, isn't it?" "No, assure you. The
drugs are very costly" "But l am
druggist myself" "Oh, you are. Well
of course-ffteen cents" !"
celia, my child" said prudish old
maid to pretty niece, eff the Lord had
intended your hair to be curled He would
have done it himself" $50 he did, aun-
tie, when was baby, but He thinks l
am big enough now to do it myself. =
every cold last night, Mr.. Townsend" F."
observed the reporter. "Cold l should
say so. Went home lit a candle; jump
ed into bed; tried to blow candle out;
couldn't do it; blaze frozen had to break
it off," replied Mr.. Townsend.
"Why, Allie, dear, is that the way to
begin your dinner?" asked a mother of
her little daughter, as she began with the
pie instead of the bread and butter.
',Well, declare, mamma, Twas going to
eat my dinner upside down, wasn't I?'
eyes, sir" said the entomologist, 81
can tame flies so that when | whistle
they will come and alight on my hand"
"Pshaw!'' said the baldheaded man,
IlidU is IDSy CUillS
on my head without my whistling." The
entomologist sat down.
Johnny, what would you do if you
were to see bad boy stealing fruit?"
asked an Austin Sunday School teacher
of the best boy in the class. ''Would you
not tell him he was doing wrong?"
eyes, indeed / would, and if he didn't
make fair divide I'd tell the store-keep-
err"
s'Now, VIII you grant me one favor be-
fore go % "Yes, George, will, she said,
dropping her lashes and getting her lips
in shape "What is the favor can grant
you?'' ''Only little song at the piano,
love l am afraid there is dog outside
waiting for me, and l want to frighten
him away
A Scotch farmer determined, in spite
of the bad times, to pay his rent if it
were his last shilling, and saying to his
landlord, who received it, cit is my last
shilling he threw down roll OF notes.
The landlord counted them and said
'There is $50 to much" "Odds, man,"
said the farmer. Il put my hand in the
wrong pouch
''Isn't that just awful, maw?" ex-
plaineda a pretty Chicago belle: "What
dear?" asked her mother. "Why, they
have taken Maud SIS shoes off and are
going to make her go barefooted, the pa
pers say. It's Just horrible! I'll warrant
anv one who would make me go barefoot
ed would know it'' and her gentle
mother sighed heavily and toyed with a
bottle of newmown hay.
''Poor John" said a trlstful wife, ''has
50 much to do at the office that he is Of
ten compelled to work nights" care
you sure that he spends the evenings at
his office?" asked another married lady
who was making an afternoon call, ''my
husband said that he thought he saw
him at the French opera the other night. F"
''Oh, your husband must have been
mistaken, l am sure" responded the
trustful wife, "John doesen't understand
a word of French. ."-Detroit Post.
Cultured young wife: "When was
at Vassar | used to accuse my room
mate of taking my hair-pins, but must
have done her an injustice, for they dis
appear now just as fast as they they did
them Unfortunate young husband:
Disappear, do they, eh?" eyes, l
can't keep paper week, and I'm sure
| don't drop them from my hair.' 81
never saw one fall.'' ''Then what can
become of them ?" ''Well, the fact is,
I have to twist them up into pot-hooks
and and use them in place of buttons
Ptild. Gail.