The Republican journal., 1885-03-05

Some men are called cranks because
they are more willing than others to do
good turn TO a neighbor. Boston
Courier.
The reason why some papers die is
that they have been unable to keep up
their circulation. We publish this to
please an insane friend. Boston Tran
script.
A thief stole half dozen boxes of
cigars from a tobacconist's while the pro-
plietor was reading the Bible. Don't do
the right thing at wrong time. New
York Dial
The Duke Of Argyle has computed
that the world will not be destroyed in
l0,OO0,O00 years. This is very encour-
aging to the Bartholdi Pedestal Fund
Committee. Hotel Mail.
The "pool' lines have advanced their
rates for carrying dressed hogs. The
selfish traveller who occupies four seats
will give a grunt Of dissatisfaction when
be hears this. n. Y. Journal.
Over one hundred pins and needles are
said to have been taken from the back
and arms of woman living at Sardinia,
New York. She is evidently not a
woman to be ruthlessly "sat down upon"
An exchange says that "the man or
woman who has never loved, Rugged,
kissed, played with. listened to, told
stories to, or thoroughly spanked child,
has missed the cardinal joys of life"
A gentleman who had accidentally
stepped on lady's dress, exclaimed 81
beg thousand pardons | find myself
Unexpectedly on the trail of a deer"
"lou stagger me-" was her prompt re-
ply.
Two duellists having discharged their
pistols without harm, one ''second" pro-
posed to the other that the parties make
up and shake hands. Reply: Why, their
hands have been shaking this half hour
If Sullivan could only be persuaded to
get up an argument with the rear section
of a sensitive mule we would take all
back we have ever said about the mule
having no refining influence. Fall
River Advance.
One provincial singer said to another
"My daughter has inherited my voice.
"Oh," said the other, with the most in
nocent air. 'that is the explanation then
| have always wondered where it was"
Figaro.
An innocent question-Lillie, on being
told that she had got a little sister, clap
ped her hands and exclaimed s'How de-
lightful" Then turning to the bearer of
the good news she added: "Does ma
know it ?"
A man in Tallahassee, Fla, in digging
a we'll the other day, struck deep layer
of oyster shells. He is making arrange
ments, it is reported, to bore down deep
er, hoping he may strike a strong flow of
oyster soup.
''Have you weak eyes ?" said lady to
an applicant for a kitchen position who
wore blue spectacles. "No, MAJ am" said
the applicant, "but | scour pots and
things so thoroughly that the glitter of
them hurts my sight"
"Ah, George, did you propose to Vivi-
an ~ "No, she made the proposal before
had chance to say anything" "She
did ? What did she say ?" "She proposed
that leave the house Immediately and
accepted" Boston Post
"Do you want to see me turn flap
jack 2" asked Passaic young lady of her
bashtul lover. "If you do come into the
other ROOM" And then he grabbed bis
hat and was halfway home before he
realized that she wanted him to 90 into
the kitchen to witness an exhibition of
her domestic ability. New York Dis
patch.
A Concord school-o of philosophy sort of
a fellow advices: "When you read
book, crush the words as you would
grapes, and suck their meaning out"
The advice may be good, but when you
tackle Walt Whitman's poems you might
crush and crush and suck and suck with
out getting enough meaning to construct
a triOlet, and besides there would be
danger of getting an eight-cornered word
stuck crosswise in your throat. THE
Judge.
Rose Eytinge writes from Montana to
the Dramatic News that the handsomest
house, the only brick one, at Deer
Lodge, in fact, belongs to Butte City
gambler. Remarking upon it to her es-
cort, who was local pioneer, she said
Industry and economy evidently lead to
wealth here as well as anywhere else."
"Yes'm," was the reply; Especially if ye
deal square game and travel we'll heel
ed" The actress did not waste any more
proverbs in that direction.