The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-03-20
CHRONIC LASSITUDE.

Some Startling Examples of an Infir1n7ty
Common to Mankind, and Not Unknown
Among Women.
The headline to which this article is
attached is the scientific name for con-
firmed laziness. When man gets up
from his bed in the morning, barely in
time to comb his hair before supper, he
mas symptoms of it. If something is
not done for him he will probably
starve to death some time with a good
dinner within ear-shot. There are
only two things man suffering from
this dread malady would not have
somebody else do for him in preference
to doing them himself. They are eat
ing and sleeping.
1 once knew a man who was afflicted
with more lassitude than it would take
TO stop saw-mill. On one occasion
he'was in hotel that burned down.
He slept on the first floor, because he
was too lazy to go upstairs, and when
the, alarm was sounded he got in the
elevator and went up to the top of the
house and dropped out of window
because he was too lazy to walk out of
his room. below, through hallway
ninety feet long. He was hurt pretty
badly, but he was too lazy TO suffer,
and died because the doctors told him
it would require great effort to induce
him to recover.
q lazy man is the father of inven-
tiou. 1t has been known for long
tiuae that Nine. Necessity is the mother
of invention but its paternal .ances-
try was involved in doubt until a man
was found trying to get up machine
to 90 his breathing for him.
lonce knew q woman who vas too
lazyito look at anything. but her eyes
wers constantly wearied with things
going on around her. and now she
wears leather spectacles to rest them.
l knew another man who sat up four
months because he was too iazy to
lie down, and his wife was NO better,
for she stuffed her ear, with plaster of
paris to keep from hearing her baby
cry. which in its turn, having once be-
gun ueeping, was too weary to sop.
A friend of mine once told me
story III "a man who was so afflicted
with Ehis fearful malady that it took
nearly nineteen years to die. He lay
weary er his deathbed, but could
not mNster up sufficient energy to
draw his last breath. and my friend
says heSslieyes the old fellow would be
living tilsre1trying ~ainly to shuttle off
this mo--tal coil until this day If a
cyclone Aad:not blown the house down
on him ans, killed him.
l have had attacks of lassitude, ETY.
self. l hxpe, seen the time when / was
too weary 30 hear an invitation to as
sist my father in saving wood. al
though he SaS less than six feet away |
from me when the courtesy was ex-
tended. i isave lain in bed when the
buckwheat cakes were suffering ON
The griddle and the pork steak playing
a merry accompaniment on the skillet. J
and listened unmoyed to the assur-
ances of my uother that it was time to !
arise. but / have never been Ill unto
death with il. / haw, never wished
somebody else would hiss my best girl
or eat my maple sugar and wafiies. Ii
is fcoper to draw q ike somewhere,
and l drew it ut ripe led lips and
wafhes and moiasses. When these
remedies are applied, | 81 once break
into perfect ferment of activity, and
there i no Other man on earth who
has So gentle situation that would
be wif,ng to swap jobs with him.
There may be men in the world whoi
are old and shriveled bachelors as re-
suit of chronic lassitude, but when it
comes to Isarrying pretty young lady
Or hugging the hired girl behind the
kitchen door. there is not lazy bone
IN my body, and l challenge the world
20 show more active and energetic
work than | car do under like circum-
stances, every contestant TO furnish his |
,wn girl and sample copy of the
Marquis of Queensbury Rules" not
for publication. but as a
:uaranty Of good faith.-Bio0mington
Through Nail.