Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-08-28
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

! wrote anything good on an empty stomach
/ How does he account for so many bril-
liant editorials in the country weekliesy
prominent mathematician wife has
presented him with II pair of twins. He
has now attained the full sum of human
happiness, with two to carry.
An exchange has discovered that in 1850
"A liar was legally punished by having
hole bored through his tongue. The prac-
tice was given up several years ago, be-
cause it took up so much valuable time
a Boston man is to have Il cardinals
hat 1t is Il great oversight that the bet
upon which he won it is not mentioned at
ALL
A widow in Wilton, Conn, says she
never intends to marry again 1t isn't
safe to place any reliance upon the avowed
intentions of widows.
Chicago Cinnamon are stealing Young
ladies' pug dogs and eating them 1t is
suspected that the dudes, who are Jealous
of the pugs, bride the Celestals to do this
Dudes are not good to eat
"a Run into Wales" is the title of a re-
cent article by Y. l.. Cuyler, ID. If he
is IA fat man he must have knocked Albert
Edward out in the first round.
Every voter at Elsinore, new settle
ment in California, is Il Republican, but
the government proposes to support the
doctrines of civil service reform and econ
omy in the public service, by importing IA
Democratic postmaster ut the expense of
the people
"Alderney cream is the latest name
for Il fashionable shade of white. If it
looks anything like the Attorney cream
that comes to our doors in tin cans, it
wouldn't do to trim it with blue ribbons.
The King of Bavaria pays $40, 900 for an
opera seat, but it is very likely that this
includes the privilege of reaching over
and snatching off every ladys opera hat
within two rows of the royal preserve.
Here is an item" said Mrs. Bascom
about the arrest of common felons'
Now don't believe there is anything that
will arrest common felon, unless it is to
cut off the finger it comes out on. My adj
vice is To just poultice the things and
draw EN- to head as soon as possible"
Dogs always pan out we'll in towns
where small boys are thick.
France keeps record of all her people
killed by lightning. jersey doesn't
A story has been written entitled "The
Editors Wallet" Imaginative literature
still tlourishes.
When girl celebrates the departure of
a newly welded couple on their honey
moon, she throws her whole sole into it.
Miss Lillian Spencer has written a novel
E entitled After All. Miss Lillian mas Ger
tainly given us all fair warning
a Western journal says that base ball is a
healthy and appropriate pastime for youne:
ladies. Anybody who has ever seen girl
throw a teacup at Il hen will be willing to
admit that what they don't know about
curved pitching isn't worth knowing.
The man who fools with dynamite ism t
always first in war; but he is generally
first in pieces.
President Cleveland is a skillful angler,
hut he does not lie in weight like an of
e lice-seeker.-N. Y. journal.
: There's nothing like sticking to a thing
: when you apply yourself TO it, as the fly
. said when it alighted on the fly paper
- boston COHriCr.
: The man whose hair turns white in n
single night is no shakes at all compared
a with the man who saves Il note from go
ing to protest by just two minutes.-Dc-
> troU Free Press.
+ Somebody having informed Prince Bis
, marck that polar icicles are a sure hair
restorative, Germany will send four arctic
expeditions next winter. - LouiSrili,
COHriCr-JOUrHdl.
+ Girl will look at your hammocks
please" Dealer-"Yes, Miss. Now there
! is something nice. Not expensive, but at
, the same time pretty and strong Girl
il 1T doesn't look very strong Dealer
al will n il IA ii !,
T. of three hundred pounds, Miss Girl
Let me see; l2O aud 165 would be lust
= 2S5, Very well; will take that one"
+ NcW York Timcs
- "When | cum to New York" said a
countryman, Il alters 90 round holdn on
to my pocketbook like grim death. You
t can't tell what minute some Teller may
d rob you This city is full of thieves. ;
. do you carry much money with you -
y 'Ive got about 5000 now | sold an old
5 boss this morniu that | slicked up fol
4 500 that wasn't with SO | see in "A min
# ute that the Teller | sold him to didn't
Il know nuthin bout bosses. "-ErchUngc
Father-Come right out in the back
l. yard, my son. I'll make you see stars
l. Son-Are you going t. make an Amer
+ can flag, father; Father-What do yot
q mean, you young rascal Son-Why, In
n going to provide the stars, while you fur
!, nsh the stripes. Father Falling on his
neck)-Where did you inherit this bril-
liancy? Off with your coat, son. | mus
} save you or perish IN the attempt-Phild
IT delphdCaU.
C Vermont maple sugar" for next sea
$ sons sale is being made in New York cit!
e and stored away until the proper time t
4 jump.-DetrOt Free Press.
l. An Omaha woman has three husbands
living, and was photographed with all o
II them the other day. Two of them are di
:, vorced, but kindly consented to sit for tn,
~ group.-Erchdnge
Il \ countryman in a restaurant ordered
,r roast lamb, and the waiter bawled to tn,
% cook, zone lamb ~ Great Scott Mis-
!, ter" cried the cOuntryman, 81 can't ca
Is hull lamb give me some fried oyster.
# instead "One fried" bawled the waiter
r well; Methuselah' S ghost Msther, on,
fried oyster haint goin' to be enough
= Gimme II dozen of 'em. Durn these cit!
= eatin' places. '-Pcck'S sun.
10 The Chinese are wonderfully quick e
II fall in with the habits of the UlaCt Whpr,