News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-08-20
ORDERING HIS DINNER.

EOF ukhhih& uAOHOy-A w SIo" II OE busl-
ness, Etc, Etc.
ORDERING HIS DINNER.
A countryman In restaurant ordered
roast lamb, and the waiter bawled to
! the cook:
zone lambi"
"Great Scott Mister" cried the coun-
tryman, 81 can't eat hull lamb. Gimme
some fried oysters instead"
"One fried! !" bawled the waiter.
''Well, Methuselah's ghost! Mister,
one fried oyster haint goin' to be
enough. Gimme dozen of 'em. Durn
these city eatin' plaoesG'
THE BORROWING FAMILY.
The borrowing family sent Sack over
to Mrs. Smiths to borrow some vinegar.
s'Go slow and speak politely" they
said as they gave him on empty bottle
and their blessing.
Jack gave rap or two and Mrs.
Smith opened the door with jerk.
"What do you want now2" she asked
shortly.
Jack hemmed and hawed:
Please, mann, / camefor-camefor-
CAM
"There isn't drop of camphor in the
house, said Mrs: Smith and slammed
the door.
As the boy tumbled off the7stoop he
felt that the look she gave him would
have kept the family in vinegar for q
tnonth.-Tepas SUtings
THE WEST is A GREAT COUNTRY.
"They can talk all they please about
bad luck out in the West" said pas
senger from Kansas, "but I can speak
from experience and tell you honestly
that the west Is great country-a fine
country. Never had such good luck in
my life as 1 had there Just to show
you how nature helps man out there
who is willing to help himself, one day
last fall / bought barn of neighbor
got it dirt Cheap, too; because it was
difficult to move-and that night s<cy-
clone came along and blowed that barn
over on to my place, dropping it right
where l wanted it, and never loosened
board. That's what call good luck. {"
-CAieago Herald.
THIS sToRK Is MERE CHATTER.
tIn PENNSYLVANIA; remarked the one
legged stork in the panel; emo person Is
permitted to marry without obtaining q
license from the clerk of the Orphans
Court"
THAT is singular" said the bulrush,
the 6onhsetion:"
perhaps" suggested the lily pad in
the background, ''it is to prevent pee.
pie from marrying too orphan" And
the stork wade the matter silently,
while the bulrlIsh subsidized into the
fesblsst slide; mere cow slip, as it
were.-BURDETTE:
A FIT OF ABsTRk RkGfi0N:
A dry goods clerk took his girl out
for some ice cream the other night, and
in a moment of Observation-Disclosures,
thinking that he was waiting upon q
customer said cordially;
Anything elsef"
She took lemonade and cake:
A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING.
Irate Individuality did you
mean by telling Smith that had been
jailedin
calm Ihdividuat-"T did not tell
Smith that you had been i'll Jail. 1
simply said that you ought to be in Jail. :"
Irate Individual Calming down)-"1
beg your pardon: / must have mis-
understood him."
UNITED FOR THE BUSINESS.
"That boy of yours is not adapted for
the, tind dertaklng business" explained an
undertaken to the boys father, who In
auired why he had been discharged.
"What's the trouble with him"
"He hasn't a realizing sense of what
is due the afflicted. Day before yester-
day Mrs. B. buried her fourth husband
sent the boy up to learn at what hour
she wished the ceremony to take place,
and he asked her what her regular time
Of day was f6f bufying husbands. l ex-
pect to lose her trade entirely"
UP AT LAKE GEORGE.
While stopping in front of an Indian
wigwam to look at some articles that
might serve as souvenirs of the Adiron-
dseks; a girl about ten years of age
stopped out with the papoose of the
honse in her arms. Chow old is the
baby ~ asked a young lady, as she gazed
into the infants eyes, which were SO
black that they looked like pair of
hcorice drops. The girl turned and
screeched at her mother: "Gorinka,
kinka choligogl" And the mother re-
piled: ''Hari karr mushawah." Then
the girl said: t'Four months" Then
the old brave got up and laid down his
pipe, and said to his daughter: "You
must not be too fresh, standing out there
too much, or you'll give the snap dead
away. You must recollect we're Crow
Indians now"
NO SHOW FOR BUSINESS.
$50 you've quit the railroad, have
you2" said one Evansville conductor to
another.
''You bet. l couldn't stay on it and
make anything. They have got a new
uniform that broke me all up"
"Howi Too costly9"
''No. It's plain coat-a military
coat that buttons clear up to the throat
and down to the waist, and you have to
keep it buttoned all the time too"
''What's that got to do with itr'
"Got to do with it2 I'd like to know
what show fellow has for his inside
pocket "-EvansUille argus.
TRIBE IN DANGEh.
Gentleman Ito grocer-"Two gallons
Santa Cruz, one gallon Old Tom, two
gallons Maryland Club, four dozen Pom
merry Sec, four dozen Milwaukee, and six
boxes Reina Vics."
Grocer-"Yes, sir. That all, sir2'
'Er-do you keep fishing
tackle2"
Grocer-''Yes, sir; full line, sir"
Gentleman-'Put in couple of fish
hooks.
HE WANTED IT EMPHASIZED.
At negro wedding, when the minister
read the words '1ove honor and obey,
the groom interrupted him and said:
'Read that again, sab; read it wunct
mo, SOS de lady kin ketch the full so
lemnity of de meanin', Ise ben married
befo'. IN Y. San.
PLAYING TOO HIGH.
Baron b, notorious gambler, be
ing detected at Bath securing a card, the
company in the warmth of their resent
ment, threw him out of an upstairs room
where they had been playing. The
Baron loudly complained of this usage
to Foote, and asked what he should do.
''Do, said the other; "why, it is plain
case-never play SO high again as long as
you live"
A MoNEY-MAKING SCHEME.
Chow much will you give me" said
Bobby to young Featherly, who was
making an evening call, ''if l Will tell
you how to make s. in 10 minutes r.