davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

From an article by Ernest Ingersoll,
in the Century, we quote the follow
ing "In no single respect, perhaps,
las the progress OF the American capt.
tai been more striking than in the his
tory of the National Museum. Origin
ating in a quantity of 'curiosities'
which had been given to the United
States by foreign powers, or sent home
by consuls and naval offers, old visitors
to Washington remember it as heter-
ogene ,us cabinet in the Patent Office.
1t included such diverse objects as the
femur of Missouri mastedon, Wash
ington's knee-breeches, and the Orient
al spoils of the Wilkes expedition
around the world. In 1916 step was
taken toward something coherent and
creditable, by an act of Congress estab-
fishing a National Museum, following the
precedent of dozen or more other ma
tions; but this intention took effect very
slowly, though various exploring expedi-
tons and embassies largely increased
the bulk of the collections. When the
inventive faculty of this Yankee race
had crowded the Patent Office with
models. the cabinet Of curiosities' was
trundled over to the Smithsonian In
stitution."
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26
Increased Duration Of Life.

The stage to which we have at pres
ent attained may be stated thus: Com.
pared with the period 1838-1S54 (thc
earliest for which there are trustworthy
records) the average of mans life is
now 4l.9 years instead of 1919, and of
woman's 45.3 instead of 41.9 years, an
addition of per cent. to the female
life and per cent. to the male. OF
each thousand males born at the pres
emit day, forty-four more will attain the
age of 35 than used to be the case previ-
GUS to 1871. For the whole of life the es-
innate now is that of 1000 persons Zone
half maels and one-hah females) thirty
five survive at the age of As, twenty-six
at 55, nine at IS, three at rs, and one
at IS. To put the case in another way,
every thousand persons born since 1870
will live about z, 700 years longer thsn
before. In other words, the life of u
thousand persons is now equal in dura-
ton to that of 1,O70 persons previously;
and 1000 births will now keep up the
growth of our population as we'll as
1,070 births used to do. This is equiv
alent in result to an increase of our
population, and in the best form, viz,
nOb ny iuOEc III Dub W iCWoi ucabuo,
which means fewer maladies and better
health. What is more, nearly 70 per
cent. of the increase of life takes place
Cor is lived) in the usual period"
namely, between the ages of 20 and 60.
Thus, of the 2,700 additional years lived
by each thousand of our population, 70
per cent, or !, $3.50 years, will be di-
rect addition to the working power of
our people. 1t is to be remembered
that there might be great addition to
the births in country with little addi-
ton to the national working power
nay, with an actual reduction of the
national wealth and prosperity-seeing
that. regarded as economic agents."
children are simply source of expense,
and so also are majority of the elder
ly who have passed the age of three
score. On the other hand, as already
said, only one quarter of the longer or
additional life now enjoyed by our peo-
pie is passed in the useless periods of
childhood and old age, and more than
one-third of it is lived at ages when life
is in its highest vigor, and most pro-
ductive alike of wealth AM enjoyment.
--Cor7lhW Magazine.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

Age in woman is a ticlxlish subject,
and have been talking with an expert
about it-that is to say. q physician of
heavy and long practice. l reminded
him that we can Judge of O horses years
by his mouth, and why couldn't some
rule be laid down, in widely general
age of human being?
DO horses wear false teeth!" the
man of medicine answered. "Do they
dye their gray hairs, or putty up the
wrinkles in their faces? Seriously,
there is nobody so expert as to learn
the age of a woman with anywhere near
exactitude by physical observation. The
uncertainty isn't altogether due to de-
ceptive practices, either, but to the
widely varying effect Of time in indi-
viduals As rule, brunettes look older
than blondes at a corresponding age.
AS to the plumpness and the lack of it,
fat may be said to increase the appar
ent age of girl under 20, and to lessen
it in woman over that; and the rea-
son is that slenderness is girlish as long
as it does not produce wrinkles, while
rotundity keeps the skin taut and
smooth.
"But these are mere generalities. In
no gathering of women strangers to you
could you guess the ages within five
years on the average, and in half the
instances you would be ten years ont of
the way. / know q woman of 30 with
son of Is, and when out together they
are commonly mistaken for brother and
sister. Popular ideas as to the ages of
actresses is extravagantly erroneous. 1
could name several whom know to be
tremendously outraged by overesti-
mates. Health is the only preserver of
juyenility. Cosmetics, without excep-
ton, are injurious finally, if not at
once. The skin is deadened by un-
guents and powders that fill the pores.
But on the whole o woman can't great
ly alter her countenance as to its show
ing of her age, whether the exhibit be
true or false. "-NeW York Cor. Chi
cagO Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26
All Down.

@Good morning, JOIN n.y." said the
Methodist preacher, riding up to a
small boy sitting on the fence in front
of Kentucky farmhouse and whist
ling "Wait Till the Clouds Roll BY"
"Mornin'." replied the boy, cycling the
preachers scrub horse narrowly. ~Are
the folks all we'll this morning?"
SHAW" who's sick?" Jim, he's
down with the measles; Mary, she's
down with the humps; Sal. shes down
with the yaller janders; Sam, he's
down with the fever; Mordecai, he's
down with the chiIls," and the boy
stopped to take breath. @Why, my.
Johnny, you must he having a hard
time at your house." Eyes, rather
tough for good Methodists." as there
any one else sick?" YES. mother:
she's down. too" @No, you don't say
so? What's she down WITH" "Oh,
she's down with tho neighbors in the
front room helpin' lay pap out. " "Your
father dead?" Eyes, the old man GIN
me his last lckin' yistidday morning.
This is TERRIBLE" groaned the preach
err: lis there anybody else down.
~Yes, Bob and Hezekiah's down with
the dogs IN the woods behind the truck
patch ketchin' coon for dinner. Moth
er's expectin' yer, an she told me to
set out here an wait till you como
along. '~-Merchant 1rGrelcr.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

took . dose Of his medicine, but wa
annoyed TO find that IL had 90 little
taste, and that, moreover, IL presented
no solid material TO be shaken mp. On
submitting the bottle to his wife she
also. on tasting, pronounced 1t to be
"nowt but wetter." He then took coun-
Gil with some of his brethren, who were
not very favorably disposed toward the
doctor. and, yielding to their advice,
entered q complaint to the lodge In
due time the doctor received from the
Secretary notice to attend and answer
Brother Jones' charge to the effect that
he had been supplied with water instead
of medicine. In reply to this notice.
the surgeon asked the Secretary to in
innate to the aggrieved brother that it
would be necessary to have the medicine
produced in order that he might Ina a
fair chance of rebutting the charge.
When the night arrived, there
goodly attendance OF members, and the
lodge having been formally opened,
Jones was asked to stand forth and pre-
fer his charge against the doctor, which
he did, alleging that the bottle pro-
duced was given to him for medicine,
and contained nothing but water After
he had finished his statement, the sur
geon proclaimed to the meeting that if
Jones was sincere in his belief that
there was nothing but water in the bot
tie, he could have no objection to drink
ing the contents at one draught. The
Chairman and brethren thought this
q reasonable proposition, and put it to
Jones accordingly. Jones was evident
~ not quite prepared for this crucial
test of his belief, but could see no way
out of it. After little hesitation he
consented. The contents of the eight
ounce mixture were transferred to q
tumbler, and he qualified them off. The
doctor then intimated to the Chairman
that ne might proceed with any other
business, until the medicine had time
to take effect. After the lapse of about
an hour Jones began to exhibit signs of
internal disturbance, and basin was
brought in for his convenience. 1t soon
became manifest to the brethren that
there must have been something more
than water in the mixture. The doc
tor submitted that he had effectually
upset both Jones and his allegation,
and quilted the lodge in triumph
Chambers Journal.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26
She Was No DeA.lhead.

"Mai I've made up my mind to marry
Mr.. Glibtongue, and 1 shall rely on
you to win pas consent"
Indeed, miss, and what reason have
you to believe me equal to this re-
liance?"
"Well, ma, you see Glibtongue is the
new coroner for QUIZ district. and as pas
political aspirations are all dead, can
insure them very quiet inquest If you
humor me-"
81 presume I'll have to humor you,
my dear"
That's dear mammal and, besides,
you always said had such killing ways,
and it may be that q coroner in the fam
lily WON'T prove such q deadhead to US
after all - Yonkers Gazette.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

A father had obtained place for his
young son in drug store, with view
TO his learning the business.
Meeting the druggist one day, he
asked him how he was pleased with the
boy.
''I am afraid he will never amount to
much in the drug line" was the reply.
"He doesn't seem to be fitted for it
altogether. This morning when / came
down after breakfast, the pavement in
front of the store was very icy, and he
asked me If he shouldn't sprinkle some
ashes over it. Your son, / fear, is not
endowed with the necessary grasp to
succeed in drugs. '-Ne,C York Sun.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26
~~~----@77-7|"77
Modern Trial by Ordeal.

A gentleman who some years ago
acted as n surgeon to several friendly
societies in the county Of Durham re-
lates tile following anecdote, which oc-
Cured between him and one of his
rustic constituents. A member of an
Odd Fellows lodge came one evening
for advice at the usual hour of con-
sultation. The symptoms were duly
detailed, and the surgeon prescribed q
mixture which contained two grains Of
tartrate of anthony in eight ounces Of
water. The patient on arriving homo
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

BIZ II q xErIzH

The chestnuts they are swapping
On the rosy-tinted fender;
The maid n In the cellar,
Where her papa he did send hor
TO draw q mug OF cider.
To bring some golden pippins,
Some doughnuts and some ginger snap1
To I'LL the eve as chip-ins
The hired man Ii greasing
His kipskins with the taliow,
The while he smears some taffy
Der the butter maker callow.
Tho little boy Is plnchlng
Poor pussy's tail In antic;
The granddame she IL trying
To thread n needle frantic.
The horses they are rubbing
Their noses 'gainst the manager:
The cock Is softly cautioning
His wives against the stranger;
The shadows on the hillside
Are turning into black:
The young folks they are hurrying
From candy frolic back.
The Watchdog he Is barking
At the moon above the maple:
The tramp is softly drawing
The lock out the staple:
The water wheel is silent.
The pigs lie close together:
A most convenient mOdus
Operdndi In cold weather.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

SPEAKING of . commercial traveller
who was arrested for embezzlement. an
exchange says: @He confesses bis
guilt" A drummer may own up to
guilt, but to brass-never.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26


case by the closing of a door near the
attic, and soon after Peggy descended
the back staircase, and hurriedly passed
through the rear door, bearing huge
bundle with her.
Has Rose discharged her?" he asked
himself.
But upon questioning Rose no infor-
nation was gained. as she knew abso-
lutely nothing about it.
Peggy has been IN the dining-room
for half hour certain" she told him.
"And have just come from there,
Henry, instructing her little in the art
of economy. She must have flown, to
have been in the attic when you came.
Run, Rose, and ascertain if she il in
the house now" he said, impatiently.
She did go, returning in a second,
her countenance as puzzled now as his
had been a moment before.
"She says that she has not been from
the dining-room since / left her. Rose
said, in an awed tone.
As before, the only word that Henry
i Caruthers could utter was: Strange,
STANCE, strange!" And the mystery
deepened.
Upon leaving his Office one noon to
go to dinner, he was startled at behold
ing a figure crossing the bridge and
coming toward him. strangely familiar.
"How are you Peggy? Are you leav-
ing for good?" he asked, rs he noted
the good-sized bundle in her hand, in
closed in large yellow bandana.
But she hurridly drew her veil down
over her face, and passed him without
vouchsafng him even q nod Of recog.
milton.
"By George! gone off in huff he
calculated, gazing back at the now dis
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10
LITTLE FOLKS.

Two boys were looking at the animals.
Fletcher life yer don't know what that one
Is, said one, but | do.n "Yer do. eh?
Prove it." That's the pioas COW from
Iniy, an don't you forget it, 'Harpers Bs.
Ear.
"Muiz.rl | say, muzzsri' What is It,
my p, why don't you talk some muz
zsi? What do you want me to say,
Johnny p Well, you might sey Johnny,
don't you want q doughnut? Texas Silt.
ipgs.
Hi, Johnny yelled one s,hoolboy to sn.
other across the street, "dii you catch any
thing yesterday Not till got home"
said Johnny; and with sympathetic smile
tie convention al burned. San Francisco
Post.
Little Polly has neighbor who has a lit
tie donkey team in which she often has q
nice ride, Ore day, as che was sitting with
her mamma, the donkey was heard TO bray,
and Polly. looking up. says: Mamma I
like the donkey but don't like to hear him
conk"
Johnnie is your father an inventor"
"I rure right, he is a pretty good ore. too.
I'll tell on" And does he give himself to
different channels OF this line of srt9" "0h,
no. He can't devote himself to more than
or kind. He's kept so busy inventing lies
abe ut his staying out late at night that be
doesn't get chance to invent anything
ellie. - ockers GdZeite-
On the morning OF Nov. eth q gentleman
said to his little son a. the breakfast table:
my boy, Mr.. Cleveland is certainly elected"
Tie little fellow, who is bright schoel-h) y
OF six years, and who, Ii seems had heard
something OF Mr.. Tilden's difficulty in ''tak-
ing his seat" innocsntly replied: but,
para. he can't sit down. ] wouldn't want to
be President IL had to stand up all the
time."-Harper's Bazaar.
Workhouse boy, who had hsen apprenticsd
to Q small farmer, brought up as he had run
away: Guardisn-Did they beat you? Boy
No, sir. Guardian-Then why did you run
away? Boy-Please. sir, soon after I got
fur to e.. it. Then . calf died; and they
saltsd il, and we had fur to eat that; then
matters grandmother died, and seed 'em
taking some salt up stains. 20 I run'd away.
London Topical TimsA
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10
Was She A Ghost.
HOME J0urnhI
nrI

Marry" repeated Mordaunt; "wsll, that
would be gay old joke. Who the deuce"
-Mordaunt sometimes invokes strange
gods-"out OF Utah would get for priest?r
Now Mordeunt when he said this, put on
just that look which every unlucky dog of
an impecunious old bachelor, who can't for
his life keep soul and body comfortably 10.
gether, and who has failed to induce the
heirtss ne has in view to even tolerate his
presence, knows as the faithful married man 9
look when said married man is rallied about
bis manifold egreeableness among the fair
ladies; and not only did he put that look on,
but he looked II out TO the other enc OF the
room into empty space, very much IN that
eIasperatiDg way your model married man
will look to his wife to confirm his asser-
tons.
Like myself, Mordaunt was an old bache.
lor. Alas and there the parallel ends. Not
only was he the very personifcstion of what
We know as thoroughly good fellow whom
everybody liked which liking he deserved,
but Re was q successful business man. Money
in mole heaps rolled itself up into noun
tains under his manipulations. Then he had
tie best heart beating. The women all liked
him-and that was the popularity of his old
bscbelorhood-t liked him aud looked
mp to him a. women like and look to the
honorable head of full, happy household.
he had reached middle lie, was good look
Ing. and Of unexcsptionable habits I, weary
Of asking the question OF myseh-too well
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10

By W. A.

Max is fosr years Old and bonny,
sharp as Zee stines. sweet as ho1ey,
Full OF little uuips and wiies.
Baby frogns and baby smlies:
DOTS his hat to any stranger
SQueezes Pussy. kisses Ranger,
TO be brief. has al the arts
That run away with peoples hearts.
And my little lad chops logic
Like grown I'D pedagogic,
only simpler. Thus be reasons:
What n good belts all seasons.
II thing u true. it's true,
Whether said 10 me or you.
All might grown folks solve their puzzles
Without putting thought IN muzzies.
Well. his mamma gave instruction
But ne made his own deductions.
when you've something nice to eat, 4"
she said. and company 10 treat.
Serve the drst your little playmate,
Put the LARGEST piece on her plate
And keep the smallest: don't forget
gentleman must be my pet"
Max went to Marian's next dav
Programme: The cake then after play.
AT home once more, this mamma tender,
Said, well. dear. did you remember,
And give the largest piece OF cake
To Marian" Pause: then this outbreak:
.'Why, mamma. you fink know nufin?
Oh, geth members sumfn-
Give company the largeth pfethe.' you thaid
An had cake, an she had bread,
An wath company, OF c0urth
/ had the largeth piethe OF both"
His mamma smiled for logic won:
She failed to scold her little son.
But ever after this she tried
To keep logic on her side
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10
Brief Comicallties.

Brtef Comicallties.
Always IN uss-she letter s.
A right smart thing -Horsefadsh.
An egg in the cup is worth two in the
nest.
Cause and esect-straight whiskey; zigzay
walk.
A bridge should never be condemned until
it has been tried by its piers.
A crepatory recently exploded in 8itzer.
land Epitaph: Gone up pyre.
Order slate" is the il iudicious advice sus-
pended before certain coal offices
In the bright lexicon of the district mes
eeDger youth there is such word as snail.
Ten mills don't make q cent in Lowell,
Mass, no matter what the schoolmasters say.
independent.
Evil things that me7 do live after them.
Even when an amateur cornetist dies ne
leaves the fatal instrument.
1t Is hardly probable that there are any
telephones in Heaven. And yet every angel
will be recognized By his halo.
The Wagner feeling is spreading 10 remote
quarters. On bridge IN Pike county. Pom.
sylvania, 10 sign: Walk ure horses"
Alice (who has been taught that God sees
everythiDg): II don't sink even Dod's eye
could see zs butter on dat bwead.-Life.
An Epglishman has lately married his
probably wear his own watch pretty regu-
larly.
Twill the coming man work." is the cur
rent conundrum. Ii he gets himself attached
to a large family and daily newspaper ne
wilL-Lynn Item.
what wonderful power has poet 'sxclaims
an enthusiast. Yas; SO powerful that even
the sight Of him raises the hair of an editor.
New York Journal.
seThoyo oool apI hao a.. oLook Att.
Coffee" said the bcarder IN q judicial tone.
THE good point is. that there is no chicory
In it; the bad, that there is no coffee IN IT,"
An Arcsla woman set q speckled hen on a
| dried-apple pie, and in three weeks the hen
hstched fourteen Nightmares with the blue
ribbon on their tails.-Newman Independ
| ent.
An English writer says Beatrice Ceuoi was
| vile murderess. AS this Information comes
ahont 500 years after her death, IL is sup.
posed that detectives have been at work on
| her case.
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10
From the Dissecting Room.

Having taken swiffs Specific tor bloed poison
contracted at medical college at a dissection,
while was medical student I an grateful 70
say that IL gave me speedy and thorough curs
after my parents had spent hundreds OF dollans
Tor treatment. My arm was swollen 10 twice its
pairing of ever being cured But hearing OF tho
s 5. s., bought bottle, little thinking would
derive any benefit from II. ! began taking AZ reg
ularly. and soon the swelling began to 20 down
and the arm ceased to pain ne / continued f,s
use and after taking eight bottles was thoroughir
cured. AUGUSTUS wESDEII, Newark n J.
Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed frso-
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC Co.. Drawer 3. Atlanta. Ga
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10
A Suspicious Transaction.

Texas SiftiDgsI
Sam JOhnsing was mp again yesterday for
picking the pocket OF q gentleman on Calves
ton avenue. The proof OF his guilt Was over
VIE ming.
What explanation have you to o1er?'
asked the Judge.
Il found the pocketbook."
In the gentleman's pocket, l suppose"
"Yes, sah, eff had said fo1nd ii some
wbar else den evil-mi nded folkses mought
bsb said dar was sonein spishous about de
tran saction.'
The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-10

me, my dear, that the new cook il no. a.
good ~ the old one.
Fashionable Wite-Eo her cooking Is very
bad. For ,helast day or two poor little Fido
has displayed signs OF distress, and / attrib.
ute ID ell to her having eaten Improperly
cooked food Unless the dear little thing
improves very much within . short time.
shall certainly make q change.