Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-12-24
BRIGHT BITS.

YES explained a passenger. as he pro-
tected his eyes from the light, ~ have an at
ection OF the optical nerve which causes me
10 see double. am on ay way 70 Chicago"
TO consult an oculIst suppOseV
NO: / have obtained job there as census
taker. "-Eech0Rge.
WITH profound wisdom the Providence
1curnGt informs us that government is sup
ported by taxes" and then with profound
wisdom 1t proceeds to re son that because The
government must be supported by taxes,
somebody's wolsted mill in Oineyvilie must
DE supported by taxes too.-BO0k Notes.
Il WAS surprised to see YOU come out of a
saloon with that disreputabe old tramp,
Colonel. DID you invite him to drink"
No, certainly not" replied the Colonel,
Strengthening up; but l felt sorry for the
poor old chap, and when ne asked me to take
something | hadn't the hearG TO refuse."-
Nea0 York Sun.
THE RECORD OF A WEHK.-Monday Eng
land to IrelaDd)-''I say. you, come ere"
Iuesday-"Can you come over 'ereT'
Mednesday-'W When can l see you?"
Ihursdty-"Beg pardon, but when will you
be at liberty:"
Frd y-"Are you there?"
Saturday" May l come over?"--Judgs.
THE Omaha Hera1d delights in the utiliza-
ton OF the hyphen, abiding to the Repuhli-
can as THE R-p-b-l-c-n.' - and characterjzing
ne Mormon sensation as something that 8
tallen with "a Gil, slck-nlng thud." The hY-
phen has its uses; 1t enables us elegantly, and
with breezy freedom" TO assure the Herald
man that he is ad-n-t-l.-Om0hG ReD1ebLicdn.
SUBSCRIBER Ito country cditor)-I shall have
70 ask you to stop my paper for the present.
Mr.. Shears"
Country Editor-"What's the m after, now %
Subscriber-"Can't afford TO take it, Too
many Christmas advertisements. NY wife
reads 'em at breakfast and devotes the rest of
the day to spending money. Cut il of for the
present."-Puck.
II THINK, CHARLIE" SAID Mrs. Smallface
to her youthful, that | shall put you into
"Bnt rot Till after Christmas, ma"
"Why not?"
"Oh. because you know. ma. l shall have to
go INTO snort stockings, and they don't hold
| Very clear he ad Charlie has.-Hartford Post.
No NOVELTY TO HER.-"Here is a curious
case, ma'am." said The superintendent Of the
insane asylum This man imagjnes he is the
motive power that runs the world. He's
| perfectly harmless though, but he thinks the
/ world wouldn't move without him. Very
| queer notion. isn't itP' II don't know about
that; my husband mas got just the same no.
ton in his head. "-CGltfornja Aa0ertck.
! JAY GoULDs recent announcement that ha
was about to retire from Wall street was A
| hitting preface to the story that he has lust
| sold Il put on $4,000 shares of the Missouri
| Pacific stOck-the largest transaction of the
kind on record. When Jay Gould SAYS he is
! going to retire from speculation it is time for
| the lambs to huddle within the fold close
under the lee of the hiGh-board fence
| Chicago Nelos.
"NO. sIR"' l haven't seen the will, but 1
| propose to fight it. My uncle was crazer than
loon and couldn't make a will"
! Lawyer Filchem: 'But / drew it for HIM.
and know that ne bequeaths his entire estate
! to yOu."
us that SO? Then just consider yourself
| retained to defend the instrument. Ipropose
| to protect my dear uncle's memory to the
| larthest extremity. "-RelD York World.
! DO you ever stop to think, Young man. ;,
| said clerical-lOOkng gentleman t. the pas
senger In the seat ahead, what the future
/ may have in storeg"
'Indeed do, sir" was the melancholy re-
ply. 81 realize that my future is dark and
| uncertain"
| And you will strive to make il brighter"
u am powerless in the matter. 1t all rests
with the managers. I'm professional base
ball player.-SDirit OF She Times.