The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1885-07-18

You can get strawbcrfIcs now for
twenty-five cents a quart. But you
will have to go to Fairbanks, Fla, to
get them. That's about the way
things go. We all know there il a
balm in Gilead !. boat loads of it.
But the gaul of it is to get to Gi)ead.
There is nothing in this world so
high as the Washington Monument,
hut when the son of a Congressman
gets on high the monument turns
pale with envy and lear. How high
does he get, dear? Well, he has to
walk down six flights Of stairs to get
TO the elevator.
"Pc:ey Spangenbergcr, a five year
old boy of Springfield, Ohio, has
smoked the strongest cigars since he
was fourteen months old He smokes
five cigars daily, and at the same
time consumes large quids OF tobacco.
lie enjoys excellent health" We
find this interesting information in
the Ohio papers, and the world is at
a loss which most to admire.-the pre-
cocious smoker or the darling Of a
liar who invented him.
Who is the first lady in the land"
Elfridag Well, we really can't say.
For while IL seemed to be Althea
Sharon; then fesult Dudley gained
IL few laps. We don't know who has
the lead just now, but it is probably
some new variety actress or some
New York "fence." Any how, the
most prominent woman in America
is usually somebody you don't want
to associate with, Elfrida.
The friends of the Delaware Legis-
lature will be panied to learn that it
was lost last week by falling through
a crack in the sidewalk. All attempts
10 scrape it out with a cane proved
futile, and the sidewalk will probably
have to be raised, unless, indeed, il
would be cheaper to get new Legis-
latuhe.
"Whe II that new man that opened
wood.yarl or something ON Second
street and bought a bill OF goods OF
us last Saturday" ?" asked old Hyson;
"Pve lost his card and forgotten his
name"
II don't know" replied the office
boy.
"Well," said the old man, al hate
20 ask him. Run down to the corner
aud see what is on his sign; that'll
give it"
Presently the boy came back.
"Lime and COAL" he said.
And old Hyson calmly charged the
bill up to Lyman Cole.
Yes, Absalom, yes; we often hear
il said that Cabinet officers salary
is not enough to keep him. A word
in your listening thing, my son. You
never heard OF Cabinet officer that
wasn't smart enough to keep his
salary. II you don't believe this,
you 60 down to Washington and try
to borrow enough OF it from him to
get home on. You'll walk back,
Absalom; a dozen to quart you'll
walk back.
After the snow thawed off the
grouhd in Southern Colorado las
week some some people out ther
found about a peck of leather scraps
in CHASTITY heap on the ground. II
is feared that the Indians or COW boys
have Drained unfortunate Eng.
lish editor during the past winter.
James, who has always been a
good boy up I" to day, is now anxious
to become prize-tighter, and writes
to know how he shall go about it.
Well, James, in the first place you
must forget everything else you ever
knew; in the second place, you must
never fight. Then you will be an
eighteen-carat slugger. No self-re-
specting pugilist ever fights. He
never does anything except TO divide
the gate-money with other uon-com-
batants.
If the "oldest Free e.mason" keeps
dying off at the present rate, it is
feared that he will be gone before the
cholera gets whack at him. He
has struck gait OF about two a week,
and the more he dies the older he
grows.
"I'd like to strike you for $50 to.
day. said Hardnp to Young Hyson
Saturday afternoon. "By Jove."
said Young Hyson, who was little
short himself, "you may do it for $2l.
Give me the money aud say where
you want to strike me-" Hardup
struck out.