Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-07-10
BILL SNORT.
dis Adveaturs With : Manipulated Wsssr-

His Advcaturs with . Kan&puh4eA Wsesr-
meson,
Day before yesterday, shout tho sick
st looking man we ever laid eyes on
came into Texas SIt1sngs Office, tooka
chair, and unburdened his mind as fol-
lows:
"This country is overrun with for
eigners. We T being ruined by 'em.
None al them should be allowed to
land until they have been long enough
in this country to learn the language"
What is the matter?: What makes
you talk that way?"
.Just look at me-" he replied, in o
whisper, ''see how my clothes arc too
big. have fallen off forty pounds"
what has that gottod do with the for
eigners learning English?"
II was travelling in the interest of
my paper. Near San Antonio I saw 3
large watermelon patch. l climbed
over the fence, and was just about to
cut open a big watermelon, when q
woman came out of the house. She
was a Bohemian, I think. She talked
at me, but l didn't understand what
she said. I told her my paper had al
ways advocated foreign immigration,
but if she refused to encourage the
press with that watermelon, that 1
would pay for it next time 1 came that
way, or 1 would send her a copy of
my paper for a year, or bring out her
husband for an Office"
'She ought to have let you take the
Imelon."
"She jabbered and sputtered and
waved her hands about, and tried to
pull the watermelon from under my
arm, but l got away with it."
That was all right. / am glad you
gos away with the melon. The press
has got some rights that should be re-
spected. 1 am real glad you held on
to the melon"
81 am not. The melon got away
with me. Ten minutes after l ate it'll
was swelled all up like Governor Huh
bard when he was appointed Minister
to Japan. 1 was taken to San Anto-
MO. Four doctors pumped me out.
They pumped me until their very arms
groaned in their sockets. / never felt
SO bad in my life, but I am cured d
eating watermelons. You might put
me in a watermelon patch ali night,
and next morning there wouldsbe more
watermelons in it than there were be
fore. It makes me sick to dream Of
watermefons. Those doctors turned
me inside out and scraped me. Itwaa
the worst scrape evcr l was in"
"But what has all that got to do
with foreigners learning Eng1ishf" w
asked the stranger.
''Ihe watermelon was poisoned tc
kill crows. That was what the Bohe.
milan woman wanted to tell me, hu,
| she labored under the disadvantage O,
not knowing the language of the eoun'
try. If l had known that me{on was
poisoned Iwould never have been suct
a hog as to eat it myself. 1 woull
have given it to the editor of the rfva
paper. All this comes from foreigner
being ignorant. As soon as I am able
to get out my paper again
''Then you are an edtorp"
"Great Moses! Don't you know Bill
Snort, of the Crosby County Garjes
and Farmers Tndicator7"
VIZ sprang to our feet in astonish
ment. 1t was our old friend, Bill
Snort, but his own mother would no,
have recognized him, SO changed was
he from his %sufferings. He IS an al.
tered man. He says he will never
again solicit a melon from one who
can't talk English, and we believe it al
if he had sworp to it.-Ie1as StfIiags