Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-11-18
Anecdotes of Josh Billings.

oOSh Diiiih5 WIN "h oipuni "hN ahNN
estly solicited his autograph. He
took it on his knees, gave his mouth
comical twist and wrote:
Thrice is he armed who hath his quarrel just"
The Bard OF Avon.
"And four times he who gets his blow in fust."
j. Billings.
Josh was extremely fond of animals
and had a cat in his house at Albany
which he gravely addressed as evil
liam." suggested that that was
dignifed name for puss, as cats were
usually called "Tom" or "Tip" or a
quick, short cognomen.
"But that's a special, swell, blue
blooded specimen of the feline race,
wish you to know" rejoined the hu
morist. Recently, poor fellow. he
has had fits and since then 1 call him
'Fitz- William"
When Rubinstein was over here he
was presented to Josh, and the pianist
was careful to impress the American
with accounts of the nobility of his
ancestors. "My family" said he loft
lily, "goes back to the time of the
Crusaders. My researches in this
direction enable me to discover that
one of my ancestors accompanied the
Emperor Barbarossa." Josh smiled,
and affecting to be immensely impress
ed Immediately remarked: "On the
piano, of course"
A story is told of the humorist be-
ing thrown on one occasion among a
batch of students in country town
near New Haven. He was tramping
along with a rusty yellow dog, and
entered the bar.room of hotel for
some refreshments. A group of the
Yale lads chanced to be there on q
frolic, and Immediately interviewed
Billings, whom they evidently mis-
took for farmer. They inquired
with affected interest after the health
of his wife and children, and Josh
with counterfeited simplicity, gave
them a graphic account of his family
and farm.
"Of course you belong to the
church Z" asked one of the boys.
Eyes, the Lord be praised, and my
father and grandfather before me-"
Nov, 1 suppose you would not tell
lie," said one of the students.
"Not for the world"
"What will you take for that dog :"
pointing to Josh's cur, which was
crouching beneath his chair.
81 won't take $40 for that dog"
"Twenty dollars Why, he's not
worth twenty cents"
81 assure you would not take $40
for him."
"Come, my friend" said the student
who, with his companions, was bent
on having some fun with the old man.
"Now, you say you won't tell lie for
the world. Let me see if you will
not do it for $40. I'll give you $40
for you dog"
"Ill not take it,"
"You will not? Here! let me see
if this will not tempt you to lie," ad-
ded the student, producing small
bag of half dollars which he built up
into small piles ON the table with his
hat in his hand, apparently uncon-
cerned. "There," added the stu
dent, "there are twenty dollars, all
in silver; will give you that for the
animal" Josh quietly raised his hat
to the edge of the table, and, as quick
as thought, scraped all the money in
to it except one half dollar, and then
exclaimed
81 won't take your twenty dollars.
Nineteen and half is as much rs
that dog is worth he is your proper
typ
A tremendous shout from his fel-
low students clearly showed the
would-be wag that he was completely
sold and that he need not look for
sympathy from that quarter, so he
good-naturedly acknowledged himself
Observation-Disclosures Times.