New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-08-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

A 2-cent cigarette never feels so
cheap as when it is being sucked by q
1-cent dude.
A vegetarian writes: immortality
turks in mutton-chops, brutality in
beef, perverseness in poultry, and vii
lany in veal. Same at our boarding
house. Travellers Magazine.
A New Jersey man wants a divorce
because his wife hasn't spoken to him
for nearly two years. Some men don't
know when they are well of:-Hen-
pecked Editor Norristown Herald.
'Ah! you flatter me-" isped dude
to pretty girl with whom he was con-
versing. .No, l DON'T was the re-
ply. 'You couldn't be any fatter than
you are. Huntington Free Press.
To write for all time is the ambition
of every author. The man who origin
ated the series of negro-minstrel jokes
is the only one up to date who has ap-
parently succeeded in his endeavor.
Hon. Charles Carroll, of Shawnee
town, has our thanks for neat and
wel-executed check. We transferred
it into bacon, and are transferring the
bacon into Drawn and brains. Benton
(IW.) Herald.
A little Williamstown girl had the
whoopin-cough, and when she recover
ed from it she said she was glad she
didn't die while she had the whooping-
cough, because ''God would not like to
have little coughing angels. y
At a recent lecture delivered in
Massachusetts town Anna Dickinson's
audience consisted of one auditor and
that a dude. Anna said it paid. OF
course it did; how was it to get in if it
didn't pay?- Yonkers Statesman.
mo interruption of business on ac-
count of the weather" is the motto a
Kalamazoo hen nailed above her nest,
and when the mercury was 80 degrees
below zero she came off with brood
of young chickens. = Detroit (Mich.
Post.
"What amused me most at the OPP
era,' said an Arab Chief who had been
taken to hear "Faust, "was one of the
musicians in the orchestra, seated lit
tie higher than the rest, who performed
on an invisible instrument with Q
stick"
In recent breach of promise suit
the ''course of true love- was traced in
this manner: Dear Mr.. Smith," INV
darling John,'' "My own darling
john" my darling john" Dear
john" '.Dear SIR ''Sir, - and all was
over.
The Lowell Times notes the fact that
the Civil War broke out and roller
skates were invented the same year.
This is true. but the war did its worst
and stopped in four years, while roller
skates continue to plumber and murder
even up to this time.-Boston Post.
Robinson Cat the window)-Hullo!
There goes that woman Browns so
dead sweet on! Mrs. r. crushing up
with excitemeht) = Where? = who? =
where? What, thatin the gray
Why, George, how ridiculous You are!
That's his wife! Robinson-Exactly,
my dear!-Punch.
An Irishmen, recently over, entered
q barber shop in Main street, Danbury,
Friday for shave. After the barber
was through he asked the customary
question: "Have bay rum, sir?" mo,
sor-the fact is, sor, I've just had a
glass of beer, an don't loike mixin'
drinks. Hartford Times.
Examiner ''Now, if were to give
fifty marbles in charge of this boy'
Indicating the biggest), ''to divide
equally amongst you, how many would
you each receiver" Small boy (of ex-
perience)-"Please, sir, we shouldn't
get none at all; cause he'd collar them
all hisself. "-Lomdon Punch.
II see," remarked Farmer Hoedown
of Hackensack to his wife the other day
as he was reading his morning paper.
''that Prof. Foilem of London saws
fencin' is healthy exercise for girls.
Now that's what 1 told Melindy and
Mary Jane when we was laying that
thousand-rod worm-fence last fall"
The following order for block of
teeth has been received by a dentist of
Triangle, N. Y: my mouth is three
inches acrost, 5 inches through the
jaw; soE1o humocky on the edge;
shaped like horseshoe, toe forward.
If you want me to be more partik' lar
shell hav to cum thar. Yours truly,
Whats that you have in your
hand?' asked Mrs. Gimlet of her hus-
band as he brought home roll of man
nscript. Brains, madam replied
Mr.. Gimlet pompously. ..Are you sur
prised at that fact?" '.Not in the
least" she replied. Il knew you
didn't carry them in your head. IN.
7. Graphic.
Schulze-.Hast thou already from
the paper heard in regard to thy to it
sent communication" Mueller =" 81
received yesterday letter from the ed
ltor, in which he to me his thanks ex-
pressed. )" Schulze-'.Then congratu-
late |; but let me see, what writes he
then? Thankfully return
ed. "-Onnibus.
A tramp stopped at house in the
suburbs of Houston and said to the lady
If the house: please givea poor man
who is travelling and who is far away
rom home tride to help pay his ex-
oenses." eff you haven't got any