Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-24
BRIGHT BITS,

THE COTTON PLANTER never runs away to
" id arrest. Whv> he can always give
bale.-Courter- journal.
THE sHOEMAKERs Of Philadelphia threaten
to strike. Perhaps they have put on a Chi
eago contract.-ThiS and THAT.
A GAS CONSUMER wants the metric system
applied TO as. Anything, he says, will do
that Will Kill meter.-The 4 fGtus.
WHAT is your patronymic. sir?" asked the
civil service examiner. MY what?' asked
the applicant. Your patronymIc." 80,
yes; didn't catch your meaning at first; I'm
barber. "-NeaO York Tid6its
"HAvE you found religion vet. my friend?"
the rev. sam Jones inquired of one OF his
hearers NE" was the reply What is your
occupation, may I ask" ''Im a detective"
Him. observed the great revivalist,' that &C
counts for it, Boston Courier.
81 RETURN the enclosed manuscript" wrote
the editor of a religious weekly. 'simplv be-
cause am go fun at present." The contrib
utor replied that when the EDITORS toot was
over he wouhi be glad to submit the manu-
script again.-HGrtford Times.
you SAY that the women of Timbuctoo
have their noses bored and wear jewels in
them" 80 travellers assert" ''Then a
Iimbuctoo woman must be like the Puritan
yacht. 'How do you make that out2' "Be-
cause she has her scenter bored. "-BOston
Courier.
You shootee me and hangee me,
You bootee m and bangee me.
Me doee woi kee. get ee Doodle;
Llvee once ratee. poodle;
On me llvee oh 80 cheapee
And me workee while you sleepee.
-PittSbur0 Dispatch.
WHAT'S IN NAME? Deacon Scriptures ia
one of the officials Of Parson Downs's Boston
church. The parson announced a collection
at the very beginning OF The service. Deacon
scriptures took up the collection. Only SIS
resulted, but Downs got back his hat. He
should search the Scriptures. Detroit Free
Press.
MISS GAsCOM-"The funeral was a lovely
affair, didn't you think? 1t was the most de-
youonal occasion ] ever witnessed" Mrs.
Harland-"I wasn't impressed in that way. |
saw no tears shed; no emotion was" ''But
the flowers, Mrs. Harland; why, one of the
pyramids was 8 feet high" -PAiJddeIphiG
CAL.
ALMOST READY for the Academy.-"A pic
ture OF ancient PhPnicia, you say? How
long have you been at work on it?" 'tOh at
Old times, about year altogether. You
must come up to the studio and see 1t when I
get 1t done" Thank, | VIII. suppose
I'm putting on the Phenician touches."-
Tid5its.
TIKI ATHLET1CIsM of these times is not al
ways conducive to the smooth running of The
household. y must hurry home,n said Mrs.
ing. Reginald has been riding his bicycle
again" Indeed. and did ne break a recordp,'
"Oh, no, but he broke his other leg. He has
only one whole limb now. and that Is the
middle finger on his left hand -Harttord
Post.
'QUIT FARMING, jim? thought you were
down in Southern II inois?" $50 / was. but
| sold out last week" Didn't like it?'' ssOb.
yes, well enough, But / had too good a chance
20 get out at profit. / was digging a wei
for watering stock in one Of the fields. and
had got down about thirty feet. One day /
let up on the JOB to go to town to haul my
with big load when the horses got frightened
and ran away, turning through the gate into
the field where that well was. jumped, inst
in time. as the wagon went over on its side,
shooting about two tons of anthracite into
that hole" But how did that HELM Won
sell the farm" why, don't you sect
sailed a claim OF the biggest kind hauled the
wagon away and let on I'D really been dig
ging for coal all the time, and had struck il
rich! sold the farm to neighbOr for 5000
more than | gave for it,. He thinks he's got
the only screened egg anthracite coal mine in
the country. He's getting up q company
now to follow the IMP Chicago BIack
Diamond.