Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-06-05
MODERN ARCHITECTURE
Bill Nye Tells What Called Out HIS First
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MODERN %ARCHlTECT sS&SSSt%
Bill Nye Tells What Called Out HIS Firsi
Falsehood. szS
It may be premature, perhaps. but
desire to suggest to anyone who may
oe contemplating the erection of a
GUNNER residence for me, as Sigh,
testimonial of his high regard for my
sterling worth aud symmetrical es.
| cutcheon, "a testimonial more sugges.
| tive of earnest admiration and warm
personal friendship than of great in
trinsic value, etc.,-.that I hope he will
not construct it on the modern plan OF
mental halluciatiop and morbid delir.
ium tren1ens peculiar to recent archi-
lecture.
Of course, man ought not to look
a gift house in the gable end, but if
| my friends don't know me any better
Than to build me summer cottage
and throw in odd windows that no.
body else wanted, and then daub it
up with colors that they have bought
at auction and applied to the house
after dark with a shot gun, [ think it
is time that we had better under
standing.
Such structure does not come with.
in either of the three classes of rena1s-
sance. 1t is neither Florentine, Roman,
nor Venetian. Any man can originate
such style of architecture if he will
drink the right kind Of whisky long
enough, and then describe his feelings
to an amanuensls. Imagine the sen
sation that one of these modern, sawed
off cottages would create hundred
years from now, if it should survive!
But that is impossible. The only
cheering feature of the whole matter
is that these creatures of a disordered
imagination must soon pass away, and
the bright sunlight of hard horse-sense
shine in through the shattered dormers
and gables gnawea-otf architecture
OF the average summer resort. A
friend OF mine, few days ago, showed
Inc his new house with much pride.
He asked me what | thought of it.
told him liked it tlrst-rate. Then
went home and wept all night. 1t was
my first falsehood.
The house, taken as whole. looked
to ne like skating rink that had
started out to make money and then
suddenly changed its mind and re-
solved to become a tannery. Then
ten feet higher it had lost ali self
respect and blossomcd into a full
blown drunk and disordcrly surround
ed by the smokestack OF Il foundry
and with the bright future of thirty
days ahead with the chain-gang.
That's the way it looked to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends of misfit rafscrs and distorted
shingles that somebody had purchased
at sheritfs sale, and the rooms and
stairs were giddy in the extreme. I
went in and rambled around among
the cross-eyed starcases and night
mares till reason tottered on her
throne. Then I came out and stood
on the architectural wart called the
side porch to get fresh air. This
porch was painted a dull red, and it
had wooden rosettes at the corners
that looked like brand-new carbuncle
on the nose of a social wreck. Far
Their up on the demoralized lumber
pile saw now and then, places where
the workman's mind had wandered
and he had nailed on his clapboards
wrong side up and then painted them
with the paris green that he had in
tended to use on something else. It
was an odd looking structure indeed.
1t my friend got all the material for
nothing from people who had frag-
ments of paint and lumber left over
after they failed, and then if the work
men constructed it nj ghts for mental
relaxation and intellectual repose, with
out charge, of course the scheme was
a financial success, but architecturally
the house is a gross violation of the
statues in such cases made and pro-
yided, and against the peace and dig
nifty of the state.
There is look of extreme poverty
about the structure which a man
might struggle for years to acquire
and then fail. No one could look up-
on it without feeling a heartache for
the man who built that house, and
probably struggled on year after
year, building little OF it at a time
as he could steal the lumber, getting
new workman each year. building a
knob here and It protuberance there,
putting in o three cornered window at
one polntnnd a yellow tile or wad
of broken glass and other debris at an
other. patiently filling in around the
ranch with any old rubbish that other
people had got through with, and
painting it as he went along taking
what was lett in the bottom of the pots
after his neighbors had painted their
bobsleds Or their tree boxes little ia
vors thankfully rcccived-and then
surmounting the whole pile with
potpouri of roof, grand farewell in
cubus of humps and hollows for the
rain to wander through and seek out
the different cells where the lunatics
live who inhabit it.
tell my friend of one thing that I
thought would improve the looks Of
his house. He asked me eagerly
what it could be. I said ltwould take
a man of great courage to do it for
him. He said he ddn', care for that
He would do it himself. If it only
needed enc thing he would never rest
till he had it, whatever it might be.
Then told him that he had friend
one ne could trust--Who would steal
in there some night while the family
were away, and scratch match on the
leg cf'llis breaches or on the brooches
of any other gentleman, who happen
ed to be present, and hold it where it
would ignite the alleged house, and
then remain, there to see that the fire
department did not NEEDLE with it, he
would confer a great favor on one
who would cheerfully retaliate in kind