The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-01-15
BLAzONED WEDDINGS.
Why Weddings shonld be Private
From the Courier Journal.

From the Courier Journal.
Weddings are almost always regarded
by women as joyous events, and worthy
of iubilant commemoration. The glee-
full unanimity with which they respond
to an announcement of a wedding, the
alacrity with which they attend it, and
the sentimental excitement it produces
in them, are as remarkable as they are
universal. Men, however, unless very
young, are not apt to share their enthusi-
asm and transport on this subject. They
may want to be married-though this is
doubtful-as much as women but they
do not feel 80 sure that marriage will
bring happiness. Knowing more of life
and human nature, particularly of their
own, they look beyond the present; they
see the risk; they understand that the
fairest prospects may be most deeply
shadowed. Women are prone to shut
their eyes to everything but the immedi.
ate. To them, sufficient for the time is
its radiant promise. The day of joyous
ness has no tomorrow. Every marriage
ought to be happy, therefore it will be.
Men think more and feel less, and their
thought is, Marriage is uncertain; if
not harmonious it begets wretchedness.
Who can predict harmony? Who can
preclude wretchedness 2"
We hear continually of the fine in
stincts of woman; but they seem sadly
at fault in regard to wedlock, which
should put them at their best. What
is the use of instincts if they mislead
woman in the most important occurrence
of her life; if they do not tell her whom
to accept as husband; if they can not
save her from partial or total wrecking
of her peace? She appears to be a bet.
ter judge of man under any other cir
cumstances than those wherein he asks
her to be his wife. 1t may be that his
offer 80 fatters her; that the phrase II
love you p so unsettles her intelligence
as to render her incapable of discretion.
Whatever the cause of her mental niyopy,
whatever the effect of formal proposal,
she certainly commits, at that crisis,
many and extraordinary blunders.
Cynics might say that she is SO anxious
to be married that she is not fastidious
concerning tho man. But this is seldom
true. Any woman can get husband, if
she tries-not, perhaps, the kind of hus.
band she wants, or ought to have, but a
very toerable husband, as such creatures
90. In view of the feminine passion for
weddings, woman's Willingness to become
wife, under unfavorable aspects, might
be measurably explained by her determi-
nation to add one more to the INTERIM.
nable list, even at the price of being
herself a connubial martyr.
There can be no objection to weddings,
but the majority of brides, and all their
feminine friends and ac9uaintances have
an ardent prejudice in behalf of SNOWY,
sensational, widely trumpeted weddings.
A quiet, private ceremony, to which only
q few of the nearest and dearest are in.
vited, where everything is simple and
plain, is likely to be disapproved by
most of the gentler sex. They seem to
think marriage incomplete, unless it be
gilded, inflated, and, in the French sense,
exploited. They waut to have a grand
time, social crush, and deal of form
and pomp, an excess of fuss and frlb'
bling Men, generally, do not incline to
such ostentatious frivolity, but yield to
the woman's bias in the matter, and her
love of nuptial display. The fact con-
Germs them far more than its surround.
ing. They would usually like to have
the thing over as quickly and quietly as
possible; they would be glad to dispense
with all the tinseled superauities and
momentous mummery. This does not
arise from delicacy or sensibility on their
part, although delicacy or sensibility
might suggest it. So much preparation
and ado bores them, and they wish to be
bored as little as may be at the outset,
possibly with a prophetic dread of all
they may be called upon, subsequently,
to endure. They must be acquitted of
responsibility for the noisy, spectacular
weddings which are 80 common in every
Americancity In these days, especially
in the metropolis.
Women are to blame for these, and it
is strange how many sensible, refined,
wellbred women-so considered-are
willing to lend themselves to q custom
that good sense, refinement and breeding
should never sanction. The reason ls
that they see but one side OF the thing
the side ofdemonstrativeness and display.
They so love and honor marriage that
they believe it can not be too richly and
grandly celebrated. Each wedding to
them is ideal, and they Undue it with
the light and color of their Imagination.
They lose sight of the bride and groom
in the rites that are observed, fancylng,
perhaps, that if the rites are splendid
the connubial feature will be fair-that
what begins we'll, as they regard it, must
end we'll. As women incline to superstl'
ton they are probably superstitious
about weddings. They may hope to
conciliate the deities that preside over
wedlock by the pomp of its commemora-
ton. The other side, the fitness or un-
fitness of the couple for the new condi-
ton, their temperamental harmony or
disharmony, the seriousness, even solem-
nifty of the occasion, its proper privacy,
the natural unwillingness Of sensitive
pair to proclaim their happiness before
they have had any opportunity to test it,
none of this occurs to them. All the
finer considerations of a blending of
lives, of the grave accountability as
sumed, of the hazard undertaken, of the
numberless chances against any single
couple setting out on so perilous jour
ney are wholly ignored. If they were
not, who would have the temerity to
chant peans of victory before the battle
had commenced?
Apart from all questions of the pro-
priety of spectacular weddings, how i'm
prudent, how unsafe they are! When
they are quiet and informal, virtually
private, as they all should be, their cut.
come, if unfortunate, is seldom noticed,
and never excites general comment. The
discord, separation or divorce is regretted
by the friends of the illadjusted couple
who are spoken of with tender pity.
There are no sharp and painful contrasts
between the union and disunion. The
mistake was one that could not have been
foreseen; the disharmony was probably