Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-07-23
Anmuruns department.
HOPFENsTEIN,s RIDING SHOE.

office, and dnks may pc you wants to see
him right away"
"Dot vhas right, Herman" said Hoffen-
stein, taking off his coat sit may haf pish-
ness, you know;" and he sat down and
opened the letter, and while he was reading
it smile fitted over his face. "Vhell, 1
always did dink dot cousin of mine, Abe
Schonheimer, would ged along in dis world,
because he vas so much like his fader, Her.
man. Did you effer know old man Schon-
heimer?"
"No, Misder Hoffenstein vat vas he %
''He used to haf dry goods store in
Vicksburg, and When he died he hat more
as dree hundred dousand dollars, vat he
leaves NIT his family. Ven pishness got so
dull in Vicksburg dot Levi Loeb, Jake
Goldberg and Sol. Rosemfeld don't do any
ding de whole oh de day but sit in dere
store and knock away flies, old man Schon-
heimer haf more pishness den he know vat
to do NIT"
'How does he make so much money,
Misder Hofenstein ?" inquired Herman,
.anxiously. observation-disclosures
'Vhell, he getsall his money by making
damaged goods. You see, Herman, he vas
man What dinks a heap, and he knows dot
people always wants to puy damaged goods,
so dat dey will 60 away and dink dat dey
haf got nice bargain, you know. Schon-
heimer would 60 to New York, und den he
would get lot of scheap shoes und calico,
und hat it shipped to Vicksburg, Herman,
und at night he shuts de store upsund he
haf his clerks to open de boxes und pours
dirty water ofer de calico, und he dakes de
shoes und rubs dem wild mud in de back
yard. De next day he puts a sign in de
show window vot says dot dere vos full
line of damaged goods vot come from pig
fire in New York what he will sell so sheap
as never vhas heard uf in de town before.
Den de beople comes to de store. undil you
don't gan walk around, and Schonheimer
makes over fifty ber cent. on de damaged
goods, und besides dot he haf de store al
ways full wild customers, und he sells I'D
der dings, und Levi Loeb, Jake Goldberg
und Sol. Rosenield comes around und
sees de drade vot vas goin on und gets so
tam mad with Schonheimer dot dey don'd
will speak to him. Dot man Schonheimer,
vas smart, you know, Herman, und if he
wen to heaven when he die will bet dot he
wasn't dere more as week before he goes
in partnership NIT Moses and Abraham und
haf monopoly uf de shoe pishness."
At this point Hoffenstein was interrupt
ed by a negro rushing into the store in
great state of excitement, and eXclaiming,
as he threw package on the counter:
"Look heah, man, I amt gwineter be cheat
ed outer my money by nobody. You take
desc heah shoes and give me back my mon
ey, or jes' sho's you born rs gwine to peal to
de law. I buys desc shoes yesterday morn
in, and last night 1 puts dem on and while
Twas 'scortin'er lady to ball bofe de soles
dropped off de shoes. I tells yer, man, dat
wants my money back."'
"Shust hold up vile, my frent," said
Hoffenstein, "ven I sell you dose shoes
don't dell you dat dey vas de genewine
English riding shoe?"
"Yes, dat's what you said"
"Vell, vot makes you go Walking around
in shoe vot vas made EXPRESSLY for riding,
YOU know, und den comes here to de store
und try to make drouble NIT me. A man
vot goes Walking in genewine riding shoe
don't haf sense enough to get away from de
rain out, und I dink you had better 60
somwhere und learn someding, und don't
make 40 much noise around here"
81 amt gwine ter leave heah," said the
negro angrily, "until gets my money"
'You Won't 90 yay," replied Hoffenstein.
"Vell, We sees dot you 60 way purity tam
soon. Herman, call de bolice, und We locks
dis man up for making drouble nit de
store" This frightened the negro, and he
beat a hasty retreat out of the door; and
when he had disappeared around the cor
ner Hoffenstein said: 81 works und 1 ber-
sbire for dree hours to sell dose shoes to dot
fellow und I makes only $3.50 profit, and
now he wants his money back. l dink he
must be a schackass," and then he sat down
and continued to talk about the matter,
while Herman brushed the dust off the
shoe case and the show boxes.-Ne,v Or
leans Times Den1ocrdt.
A NEW TREATMENT.-The other day
while negro was passing by cotton field
belonging to one of the best citizens between
Lexington and Crawford he was heard to
say:
"Dat cotton orter be snaked."
"What do you mean by snaked:" was
asked him.
"Jes git string tie one end of it to
long pole and frog to tother, and den
swing the frog along over the rows so dat
de snakes will ketch hold of him and you
can pull EN- out. OATS what 'snakin' is
and dat cotton's too grassy fer me to 60 in
to afore it's snaked. .'"-OglethOrpe Echo.
SHE KNEW HER HUsBAND.--Gentle-
man-'I bear the sad intelligence, my
dear madame, that your husband has been
struck by lightning"
Madame (anXiously)-"How many times
did it strike him:
Gentleman-Only once.
Madame (reiieved) )-Then, thank heaven,
he is still alive.
Gentleman-Yes, he is still alive, but in
a very critical condition.
Madame (confidentially)-O he will pull
through all right, if you are certain the
lightning only struck him once. l know
John.
@A New York Sundayschool teacher
IL x1,Dsr