The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1885-08-20
RoLLo AND HIS FATHER.

ROLlO AND HIS FATHER.
Reasons why Fat Policemen are Usually
Selected BY the Authorities.
Mr.. Holiday was confined to the
house by q severe attack of rheuma-
tism, as Mr.. Holiday chose to call it.
Il will be noticed that Mr.. Holiday
was not above the habit, common to
most Americans. of using long word
where short one would better serve
the purpose.
As has been said, Mr.. Holiday was
confined to the house by severe attack
of gou-, beg pardon, of rheumatism
and Rollo, as was his custom. COM
forted his father and made him quite |
forget his bodily pain by plying him |
continually with conundrums.
Father" said Rollo, ''does fat run
faster than leanP"
.Yes, Rollo, in hot weather. much |
faster; but why do you ask my sonp"
replied Mr.. Holiday. winking at Jonas,
who was engaged in bandaging the old
gentleman's foot.
because, father said Rollo, II
notice that they never make a man q
police officer until he is very fat"
Mr.. Holiday was much pleased to
find that Rollo was 30 observing; though
Jonas remarked under his breath (up0n
which there was a suspicion of whisky
that nobody with eyes in his head could
help observing that.
'sThe reason why fat men are selected
for policemen, Rollo," said Mr.. Holli-
day, sis that it takes fewer of them to
| make q platoon, and therefore the ex-
| pense to the city is much less when q
certain superficial area of police officer
is called for. Then, again, two officers,
or three at the most, are quite sufficient
to block up one of our great thorough
fares and prevent the passage of any Of
the dangerous classr'
"And that. Rollo, interrupted Jonas.
this time above his breath. sis why the
dangerous class always takes to the
alleys; apoliceman can't crowd himself
into an alley. you know"
| Mr.. Holiday suggested to Jonas that
he was engaged to dress the feet of his
employer, and not to volunteer any
alley-byes.
Mr.. Holiday, it should be mentioned,
indulged in paronomasa only when it
was considered necessary to making
himself understood by the menial
classes.
.And, father" said Rollo with ami
nation, '.the reason why so many
thieves and murderers and other gentle.
men of that kind escape is because they
slip through the fat fingers of the fai
policemen.
mo, Rollo," replied Mr.. Holiday,
"you are wrong there. To say that the
thieves, murderers ct al. slip through
the fat fingers of the fat policemen
argues that the fat policemen get theil
hands on the thieves, murderers ct al
, aforesaid; which would be in the nature
, of reductto Gd absurdisI1,s, or, as we say
, in the vulgate, proving things that aim
, so. No, Rollo, whoever told you thai
; the fat policeman ever gets his hands
) on thief or a murderer" land her,
Mr.. Holiday looked hard at Jonas
|. twas, suspect codding you-that il
;. to say, trying to deceive you"
!, 'But. father," exclaimed Rollo. il
;. surprise, ''if the fat policeman neve
$ gets his hands on the thief or murderer
b what is he good for?"
:. .Give it up!'' was the irrelevant sug
:, gestion of Jonas, who was apparently
o becoming drunken every moment.
:, ''Of much good, Rollo," replied MI
j. Holiday, not deigning to notice Jonas
70 remark. I'm the first place it take
i twice as much cloth to uniform him a
1T it would an ordinary person; conse
% quently manufacturers and dealers i
n cloth are directly benefited, an,
}; through them the people generally ar
). male to prosper. 1t would be impos
d sible to say how soon it would re
I; suit, but there can be no kind {
), doubt that were it not for the large de
:, mand for cloth on account of the ia
policemen. the mills would be oblige
to shut down, sooner or later. and tn
le dealers, of course, would be obliged
IL shut up. Thousands of working pee
i, pie would thus be thrown out of en-
ployment, and nobody can tell wher
8, the evil would end. You see. Rollt
ar when you look into this question of fl
policemen, you must discuss it in
at large way"
~ ~ Really" said Rollo. somewh,
abashed, 81 have looked at the fs
NJ policeman many times; but I nevt
to suspected that there was SO much
w him."
'" Full most all the timer' exclaime
.. the miserable Jonas, who was evidentl
"a Tar gone.
To- 'Then there is another thing" r.
y sumed Mr.. Holiday. He is Of gre
49, help in preventing crowds. Where |
" is there is no room for crowd.
helping ladies across the street. too.
as is very useful. No horse would unde
N. take to run over him. Horses never n
he up hill unless they are forced to it. "
Or, Mr.. Holiday said there were son
e. IL f4A Ill
'or was good; but owing to the press
e. business and the distraction of the g
that is, rheumatism-he had qui
on forgotten what they were. Thereto
ed he directed that he be left alone
Ird awhile, and that Jonas be taken to t
in pump and treated as the exigencies
lty his case seemed to call for.-Bost
transcript.