Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-05-29

A Chatham street Tragedy rhe Right
Method Isat the - roas Ma

fAck.I
LeouiiAs BAKER was drunk last Tlgrs-
day. There Is no question about il. The
policeman caught him Ia tia very act OF
attempting % pay for free lunch ia a
Chatham street ceilar. aud he was imme-
diateiy arrested. On Friday morning Mr..
Baxter preaen ed a sadIsned and ua-
washed face 20 the Justice.
''Leonidas BaxtersD quer,sd the jus
tice. hooking over his glasses az the pris-
oner Ia the box.
Yes, sir, f" hunbly replied that iadivid-
ual
rs that your right name,'
Yes, sir" responded thu prisoner, with
dignity. You don't thiak ! would play
any tricks on the Court, 1 hope"
.You are accused Of bcin-s in a state Of
lntoxication yesterday afternoon. Police
man Smith arrested you on Chatham
street. What nave yoa 20 say for your
self"
"True. your honor. was Intoxicated;
but had an excuse. Listen. before you
send me up. am a restaursteur by pro-
fession- once owned an eating -house on
Sixth avenue; but was unfortunate.
could not pay the rent. and had TO move
into Bleecker street. Still nay bad luck
pursued me. and was Obliged 70 move
again. This time I rented a room in
Chatham street. / had very little money
aud 10 was necessary Tor ne To get quick
returns from my invesi ment. Chatham
street business methods, | noed not tel
your honor. are not what 1 was accus-
toned To; bot you know the old maxim,
when you are in Jerusalem DO as the
Jews do Across be street from my place
il an eating den Kept bv shock haired,
red ed lobster, who. Z l raight ofrr the
suggestion. ought 70 Dc on tte island. He
has been my bane. my curse"
"well." interrupted the justice; Il am
in a hurry, Mr. Baxter"
."One momen- longer. your honor" re-
piled the pr soner, ''ani | am through.
After had been running my plan one
week. found that my expenses were SO
aud my receipts Sl7.i3 1 had only 500
left. I mad % make stir some way, so
hired a young man, touEh, HIM neat
SUIT IF clothes, and started him out with
a big plscard fastened 70 his coat, which
read:
"I eat my lunch at Baxter's Palace
Restaurant
"As he walked up the street be attract
"a universal att ttsntion, and business bega
20 pour in. About noon I noticed that il
sudde1ly stopped On going out Idiscov-
eresi th cause of the trouble. The lobster
hal se1uced ny sign. q iel it up with rum
aud stationed it in front Of my door. It's
clothes were covered with mud. and its
hat was jammed over its head down To the
chin. OF course. no one would come in a
place with such sign. That experiment
cost me so. The next day brilliant idea
came % me. and I FASTENED u seize upon
&c. Il was nv dernier resort. so % speak
went 60 a dime museum. aud engaged
the fat man and the living skeleton.
paid them So apiece. my last cent.
put a huge card On the fat mans back.
which read
Sc 4 eat az Lsonj,igs Baxter's'
"And on the thin man I put another
sign.
Z DONE
''Then started them down the stree,
srm iu arm. The effect wss prodigious.
Crowds followed in their wake. Aud the
populac' az oucs began 20 inquire: Where
- haNtersf LET IA 20 % this w0ud sriul
restaurant 7 vas in ecstasies of iov I
contemplate renting the next room and
hiring tau new visitors when / was IN
che midst Of this deiirium Of delight vas
again brought face 20 face with despair.
From tha summit II nay prosper y
was hurled into the depths ~ ruin. r. wa
the work II ,as lobster I waited all morn
ing, with my room fun = va ters aud nv
kitchen crowded with tootbsome viands.
bat uo one came. I say no one-T should
make an exception A Deputy sheriff
caue IN sni cl sed mr doors. Then. Your
Honor took - iriak Co brown my sor-
row. But shall be reveuzed on the lob
ster
"Wnat dii he A. q jajure you this
timef" inqnirsi the Justice.
what iii be dos" repeated the prison.
er. He changed .he q us.''