The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1885-05-13
THE GAUGER'S TICKLER.
An ERterprislng Reporter Discovers q
New Government Office,
And After an Interesting Colloquy,
Which Develops Much History,
Writes It Up.

Day before Yesterday an sttache OF a morn.
ing paper making his rounds entered the
Collectors office in the Postoffice building,
and approached the desk st which one Of the
deputies YVES engaged in his duties Ga the
desk was lying blank Endorsed in large,
black letters: Report of the Gauger's
Ticker" and as the eyes of the reporter fell
upon It he smiled with that grim satisfaction
which characterizes the fraternity when an
item is unexpectedly found lying around
loosely for want of taker. For the benefit
of the public it should be stated that the
"Geugers Ticker is a record of the number
Of gallons Of spirits gagged each dav, and when
q report is made at the end OF each month
it is called 1.-The report of the Gauger's Tick
ler'' because made up from the original sheet
designated 'tickler." The name is also in
use among merchants and bankers to dssig-
nate book in which is kept registry Of
notes and debts. After cycling the report for
q short time, the following conversation took
place between the Deputy aud the reporter:
"Humph," said the reporter, 'that is an
Office that never heard of bsfore."
"Oh, it's been established long time"
said the Deputy.
The Gauger's Ticker" repeated the re-
porter, slowly. "What are the Tickler's
dutiesg"
well, you see," said the Deputy, now ap-
preciatiDg the joke, "ite Office originated 8
long tine ago, and is one the Democrats
have fought persistsntly for twenty years
on the ground that 1t WAS unnecessary. 1t is
really the only effice under the Government
that is pure sinecure, the Ticker being em-
poyed only during the warm weather, bat
ge,tir g yearly salary"
Bot what are lis dutiss?"
His duties are TO afford the Gauger means
az recreation during the warm season, when
that official is suffering from ennui, more es-
pecially Just after dinner, when the Gsugef
has eaten heartily of onions and lettCcs and
is inclined rather to sleep than to work. He
lie called a Ticker for the reason that be
may, in extreme cases, tickle the Gsuger
with straw, bat generally his privileges
extend no further than telling q fun y
anecdote to keep him awake p"
Something after the style OF the kings
jester" said the reporter. who was better
up" in English history than IN Govern.
ment blanks.
That's 1t exactly" said the Deputy, land
the Office no doubt originated from the GUS
tenn Of the old english kings to keep jester
always near to amuse them. But the name
was chansed, you know. and the Ticker was
attached to the Office OF Gauger, because that
official hes really less to do than any othsr
man in the revenue service, and therefore
needs TO be amused and kept awake"
What is the Tickler's salaryf'
about 81 200. You will be cafe IN put
ting il Ut that. anyway"
Thus posted upon the newly-discovered
Government officials duties, the reporter left
and yesterday morning the following item
appeared in the paper which he represents
GAUGRR's ucKLER.
One officer under the Collector of Internal Rev
enue was omitted yesterdey-that of Gauger's
Ticker. the salary OF which Is q, 2O0-wel worth
looking after.