Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-29
Bill Nye on Lost Money.


A farmer in Kinnickinnick Valley
was paid one thousand dollars while
he was loading hay. He put it in
his vest pocket, and after he had un.
loaded the hay he discovered that he
had lost it, and no doubt had pitched
the whole load into the NOW on top
of it. He went to work and pitched
it all out, handful at a time, upon
the barn floor, and when the hired
mans fork tine came up with a
thousand-dollar bill on il he knew
they had struck lead. He got it
all.
A man gave me two fve-dolIar bills
once to pay balance ON some store
teeth, and asked me to bring the
teeth back with me. The dentist was
fifteen miles away, and when I got
there found I had lost the money.
That was before / had amassed much
of a fortune, SO | went to the tooth
foundry and told the foreman that
had started with ten dollars 10 get
set of teeth for an intimate friend,
but had lost the funds. He said that
my intimate friend would no doubt
have to gum it awhile. Owing to the
recent shrinkage in values he was
obliged to sell teeth for cash, as the
goods were comparatively useless after
they had been used one season. l
went back over the same road next
day and found the money by the side
of the road, although a hundred
teams had passed by it.
a young man one spring plowed
pocket-book and thirty dollars in
greenbacks under, and by a singular
coincidence, the next spring it was
plowed out, and, though rotten clean
through, were sent to the treasury,
where it was discovered that the bills
were on a Michigan National Bank,
whittier they were sent and redeemed. |
l lost roll of a hundred dollars in |
the spring of 'S2, and hunted my
house and the Office through in search |
of it in vain. / went over the road |
between the Office and the house twen-
ty times, but it was useless. l then
advertised the loss of the money, Civ
ing the different denominations of the
bills, and stating, as was the case,
that there was an elastic band around |
the roll when lost. The paper had
not been issued more than an hour
before l got my money, every dollar
of it. 1t was in the pocket of my
other vest. This should teach us,
first, the value Of advertising, and,
secondly, the utter folly of tive vests
at the same time.
Apropos of recent bank failures,
want to tell this one on James S.
Kelley, commonly called "Black jim"
He failed himself along in the fifties,
and, BY big struggle, had made out
to pay everybody but Lo Bartlett, to
whom he was indebted in the sum of
eighteen dollars. He got this money
finally, and, as Lo wasn't in town,
Black Jim put it in a bank, the name
'f which has long age sunk into OBJ
ivion. In fact, it began the oblivion
business about forty.eight hours after
Jim had put his funds in there.
Meeting Lo on the street, Jim said
"Your money is up in the Wild
Eat Bank, Lo. I'll give you check
or it,"
"No, use, old man; she's gone up"
"No!" ,
"Yes; she's a total wreck"
Jim went to the presidents room. I
lie knocked as easy as he could, con- O
idering that his breath was coming
o hard.
"Who's there?"
"It's Jim Kelley-Black Jim--and
m in something of hurry" :
"Well, I'm very busy, Mr.. Kelley.
)ome again this afternoon.
THAT will be too remote. l am
cry busy myself. Now is the ac. !,
epted time. Will you open the door, b
r shall open it?" a
The president opened it because it u
as good door and he wanted to II
reserve it. n
Black Jim turned the key in the :,
Dor, and sat down. $,
"What did you want of me 1" says =
lie president. r,
81 wanted to see you about a GER d,
ficate of deposit I've got on your
INK for eighteen dollars"
1--WE can't pay it. Everything is 81
,ne." a,
"Well. ] am here to get eighteen
'llars, or to leave you looking like
blet pie. Eighteen dollars will re. A,
I'VE you of this mental strain; but
you do not put up will paper this
all with your classic features and
in the carpet with what remains" u,
The president hesitated q moment.
Zen he took q roll out Of his boot d
ID paid Jim eighteen dollars.