The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1885-11-13
The Man Who Talked Too Mucl,

very softly, and, when the girl asked
him what he wanted, he replied:
"Corned beef, fried potatoes, pickles
and mince pie"
"This is not restaurant; this is an
ice-cream parlor," she said.
"Then why did you ask me what /
wanted? Why don't you bring on your
ice-cream?"
She went after it, and, as she re-
turned, he continued:
"You see, my dear girl, you must in
| fer-you must reason. 1t isn't likely
| that [ would come into an 1ce-cream
parlor to buy grindstone, is it? You
don't think I come in here to ask if yoU
had any baled hay, did you?"
She looked at him in great surprise
and he went on:
eff 1 owned a hardware store, and
you came in, would infer that yoff
wanted something in my line. 1 would
not step out and ask if you wanted to
buy a mule, would I?''
She went away highly indignant
An old lady was devouring dish of
| cream at the next table, and the stran-
ger, after watching her afew moments,
| called out:
"My dear woman, have you found
| any hairs or buttons in your dish?"
"Mercy, mol" she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around, and dropped her
| spoon.
"Well, Pm glad of it, he continued
Ii you find any, just let me know"
She looked at him for half minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down
again, and then rose and left theroom-
She must have said something to the
proprietor, for he came running in and
exclaimed:
"Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice
cream?"
"No, sir!"
"You didn't?"
"No, sir, 1 did not; I merely request
ed her, in case she found any such in
gradients, to inform me-"
"Well, sir, that was q mean triek-"
'My dear sir" said the stranger
smiling softly, ''did you expect me to
ask the woman if she found a crowbar
or a asledge-hammer in her cream? 1t is
in such a small dish"
The proprietor went away growing,
and as the stranger quietly slipped
away at his cream, two young ladies'
came in, sat down near him, and Or
dered some cream and cake. Hewait-
ed till they had eaten little, and then
remarked:
''Beg pardon, ladies, but do you ab
serve anything peculiar in the taste OF
this ice-cream?"
They tasted, and smacked their lips,
and were not exactly certain.
'Does it taste to you as if a plug OF
tobacco had fallen into the freezer2''
he asked.
"Ah! Kah!" they exclaimed, and
tried to spit out what they had eaten
Both rushed out, and it wasn't long.
before the proprietor rushed in.
''See here, what in blazes are YOU
talking about?" he demanded. ''What
do you mean by plug tobacco in ths
freeZer?"
'My kind friend, I asked those Ia
dies if this ice-cream tasted OF plug to-
bacco. don't taste any such tastss
and don't believe that you put a. Hlt 4
of plug tobacco in it."
"Well you don't want to talk that
way around here" continued the pro-
prietor "My ice-cream is pure; and
the man who says it is not, is: 81 bold
liar!''
He went away again, and &. woman
with long neck and a sad face sat.
down and said to the girl that she
would take a small dish of lemon ice
cream.
1t was brought, and she took about
two mouthfuls, when the stranger In
quired:
"Excuse me, madam, but do you
know how this cream was made? have
you any idea that they CRATE turnip
and chalk with the cream?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose
up, wheeled around and made for the
door. The stranger followed after
By great luck his coat-tails cleared the
door an instant too soon to be struck
by tive-pound box of figs, hurled with
great force by the indignant propri-
etor AS he reached the curbstone hs
halted, looked at the door of the par
lor, and soliloquized:
'"There are times when people shouldf
infer, and then there are times when.
they shouldn't. I suppose if I had:
asked that woman if she thought they
hashed up q saw-mill in the creaM,
she'd have felt a circular saw going
down her throat