Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-07-16
A CHAPTER OF ERRORS.
Odd BIunders Made By Telegraph
Operators.
London Standard.

It seems, however, as if the trans
mission of messages was superlntend-
ed by some telegraphic Puck, whose
special delight is to commit malicious
perversities in the sense of messages
for no other purpose, apparently, but
to crafty his predictions for prac-
teal joking. To some his pleasantri-
es may cause amusement, but they
are more frequently productive of
embarrassment. How friendly greet
ings passing between families have
been altered, what dreadful suspense
and alarm has been caused among
households and perturbation among
business men Through the hidden tele.
graphic imp, none but those who
have been victImized can fully appre>
ciate or understand. A gentleman
once telegraphed asking that a horse
might be sent to the raj way station
to meet HIM, and was surprised to
find hearse instead. A prominent
statesman was accused Of delaying
legislative work through an "unfort-
innate idleness," when the honorable
gentleman's "Illness" was the cause
of the delay. From being bad
man was made dead" and one that
was ''no worse" became mo more"
through Geographic agency. Mesa
ges are sometimes made to read pre-
cisely opposite to what is meant by
the sender, and trouble and disap~
pointment is frequently caused by
these perverted communications.
"Send check this afternoon" has be-
come ''Send chase this afternoon,
''your bacon" has been transformed
into ''your banker" ''linseed oil' has
been converted into ''linseed meal"
''ffteen wagons" into Fifteen TONS"
'clothes" have been made "soles,
''sold" made "unsold," and the an
nouncement Salmon received has
been changed into "balloon received"
When meetings are arranged Through
the medium of the telegraph it oc-
casionally happens that the time and
place of meeting is altered. Sunday
has decided tendency to become
Monday, Tuesday is liable to be made
Thursday, and the first train has been
altered to the last train, while places
of meeting have been changed and
converted into something that was
painfully perplexing to the recipients.
'Constantinople among the grocers"
was rather untelligible announce
ment, and the changing of the re-
quest ''send no more" was calculated
to produce annoyance Here is a
curious piece of composition which a
telegraph clerk turned out: 'Speaker
urged a compliment concerning the
desirability of their cause and the
hounds Of the execution" This being
interpreted rneaneth: '"The speaker
urge a complaint concerning the de-
sertion of their cause at the hands Of
the executive" st. Vitus dance seems
to have puzzled an operator, for he
rendered it "vile dance" definition
which the unfortunate sufferer might
not have disputed. The phrase, "an-
tIquities of the church." once got a
telegraphist into trouble, for he had
the audacity to write ''iniquitiss of
the church." which must have shock
ed the "udcoguid." A paper had to
apologize for having-through a tele>
graphic error-in the report of an I'M
savory lawsuit referred to ''relig-
ious," instead of a "litigous" family.
There can be no question but the
clerk who wrote 'subterranean tav>
erns," when ''caverns" was intended
must have been suffering from the
effects of recent visit TO some und-
erground liquor shop.