Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-06-08
Cold feet-Two feet Of snow.

Colo feet-IWO 1eeJ or snow.
We want to ask one question: "Can
person go around square?"
There is youth up town so lazy that
the only work he does is when labOring
under mistake.
''There are poems unwritten and songs
unsung." eyes," says an editor, sit is
this that reconciles us to life
isis, give me lively subject for COM
position" said little Ben; and his sister
Martha quietly replied. "Fleas."
"Will the coming man work?" is the
current conundrum. If he gets himself
attached to a large family he will.
You may speak as you will of pedigree
generally, but in sleeping car it is
mans berth which raises him above his
fellows.
What is the difference between flood
and an angry brakeman? One breaks
the dam and the other swears with con-
siderable vigor.
A Boston bycycler says that he is 60
ing all over the earth on his machine. We
have seen bycyclers go all over the earth
off their machines.
An English physician says man can
stop fit of sneezing by crawling down
stairs head first. A shorter and more
complete cure is jumping out of third
story window.
"Come, Myrtle, give me kiss, only one."
Little sister: ''No 1 won't; You asked
Tilda for just one in the parlor, before
dinner, and you took two"
The wife of Hackensack man recently
got up in the night to get him a drink of
water, but he died before she returned.
A Hackensack man will go to almost any
extreme to aviod drinking water.
"Did you give Johnny the medicine,
Mrs. Brown?" asked the DOCTOR" "Oh,
yes, doctor,' replied the loving mother;
and then she added innocently: "And it
don't seem to have done him the least
harm"
"Jeems," said Parson Bledso, of the
Blue Light Tabernacle. "Why don't yer
pray fur rain?" Bekase de Bible says de
prarars oh de wicked availeth naught." /"
81 know dat, Jeems, but yer mout pray
| like good feller."
Mamma, there's a spider on the back
| of papa's neck. Shall 1 hit it?'' ''No,''
said the mother, considerably; s'your
father might not approve Of it. He's a
member of the society for the prevention
Of cruelty to animals
care your domestic relations agreea-
ble?" was the question put to an unhap-
py-looking specimen of humanity. "Oh,
my domestic relations are all right" was
the reply; 'sit is my wife's relations that
are causing the trouble"
Mamma (pointlng to some unclothed
cherubs): 'Lizzie, if you are good girl
you will go to heaven and be like those
little angels" Lizzie (who has strict
sense of propriety): "Well, hope III
be better dressed than they are"
"What are yeu going to do when you
grow up, if you don't know how to ci
pher?' asked Harlem school teacher oi
a rather slow boy. II am going to be a
school teacher, and make the boys do al
the ciphering," was the impudent reply.
According to the eternal fitness OF
things negroes should drive coal carts
cross eyed men should be detectives, soul
old maids should run pickle factories, dea1
mutes should be BARRIERS and go-aheat
boys should be district messengers. But
somehow it is otherwise ordered
81 am going to visit the heathen,' an
nounced San Francisco preacher in his
pulpit one Sunday. After the service the
flock all gathered around him, astonishe6
at the turn affairs had taken, and query.
ing when he would depart and to what
portion of the benighted world he would
go. 'sOh, don't be disturbed, brethren
and sisters, I'm not going to leave town.
CONSUMPTION CURED.
An old physician, retired from practice. havin
had placed in his hands by an East India mission
airy the formula of simple vegetable remed
for the speedy and permanent cure of Consumntior
Bronchitis, Catarr. Asthma and all throat and Inn
Affections, also positive and radical cure for Ne,
vous Debility and all Nervous Complaints. afte
having tested its wonderful curative powers in tbo,
sands of cases has felt it his duty to make it know
to his suffering fellows. Actuated by this ,ooti,-
and IA desire to relieve human suffering will sen
free of charge to all who desire it, this recipe
German, French or English with full direetiops q
with stamp, naming this paper. w. A. NoYEs. "a
! Powers Block, Rochester, n. Y. noy24eowly