Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-05-21

he leaned over the counter, "de old woman
wants some tea mighty bad, an l hasn't got
any money"
"Can't help that, sir" was the reply.
''I'm giving more than can afford to
without taking on any new applications" :"
"'Zactly, boss-I presumeso. Boss, please
give me your full name."
s'John Y. Blank"
cam dat of yer pardner."
''His name is William j. Jones. What
do want of our names"
"Wall, / didn't get tea, but you used me
like gemlen, an bein' as we has got twins
in our family I'ze gwine to name 'em arter
you an your pardner." ,
"Oh! you said tea, Ell? Why, yes. I'll
be happy to put you up half a pound. Green
or Japan? Twins, eh? Hope the mother
to make smart men give 'em smart names
If were you I'd call 'em Washington and
Jefferson" ."-DetronF Free Press.
SHE WAS CoNvINCED.-"Oh I CAM
sing" pleaded young man who feminine
ly wanted to be coaxed before gratifying
his auditors.
"Yes, you can. I've heard two or three
of your friends say so," persisted pretty
girl to whom he had been talking.
No can't" he repeated, getting up te
go to the piano.
"Yes. you can: Go on now and sing
please" she urged.
He said he could not two or three times
more but he went ahead, and for half an
hour his voice was the most prominent
thing in the room. Then he came smiling
back to the young lady.
"Ah," she said, wearily, "thanks, you
were quite right about the singing"
His face clouded and he never spoke to
flSn ~; RI q oro;p who ourood with him - Npr-
chant Traveller.
w"You see," he explained, II have a
little railroad back here in Wisconsin. That
is, / have organized one, and secured the
right of way across the two counties. /
loan. I want hundred thousand dollars. y
81 see." "Well, I've been here week, and
haven't accomplished anything" why"
"Well, the best offer I've had yet was to
furnish me the money at twenty-five per
cent. interest, and charge me sixty per cent.
commission for making the loan. WHAT'S
left won't pay me for lying to the farm
ers." aN.Syreet Neacs.
Captain" said q grocery-keeper, address
ing weli-known gentleman, lido you re-
member that sack of flour you bought some
time ago?" "Oh, yes 1 remember it," IL
suppose so, but don't remember that you
ever paid for it," "My dear sir, am not
responsible for your bad memory. have
remembered my part of it. Memory is a
peculiar faculty, and is susceptible of great
cultivation. Some of the Grecians could re-
peat volumes of poetry. Well, good morn
ing"
In THE INTERIM.-"You are doing nice
ly," said the doctor encouragingly to an old
darkey patient. 81 will call again to-nor-
row, and will leave you this prescription
now to save you from pain in the interim" !"
Then he went out.
'Da's er 'scription dat de doctah lef,"
said the patient feebly to his wife, ''an' /
filled. Tell de drug sto' man dat its TO- my
interim, an he sho an AK him ef Use ter
take it eternally, or jess rub it on the outside,
an eff so whar."
AMIcABLY ADJUsTED.-"Do you mean
to call me liar?" asked one rival railroad
man, during dispute they had on business.
mo, Colonel, don't mean to call you a
liar. On the contrary, say you are the
only man in town who tells the truth all the
time, but Pm offering a reward of S25 and
chrome to any other man who says he be-
lieves me when l say you never lie," was
the response.
"Well, Pm glad you took, it back" re-
piled the other party, as the tiger-like look
of ferocity faded out of his features.
nay Sis and Tom were sitting in the draw
ing room, and she was getting sleepy.
"What time is to" she asked. He looked
at the watch, and replied that it lacked five
minutes of eleven; and just then being
struck with an idea, he asked, "Why is my
watch like you, my pet:" II don't know"
because it is very pretty" he replied.
"And why is my watch like you?" she ask
ed. II don't know, Pm sure. Why is
your watch like me, my dearn' Because it
won't CO." she replied, with yawn.
Then the young man went nome.
WHY PEOPLE STARED.-Mrs. DeBangs-
"No, John, am not going to church with
you"
Mr.. De Bangs-"Not going to church
Why, what's the matter!"
'It does me no good at all. People stare
at me so can't pay any attention to the
services"
"Oh! come now, you must be mistaken.
Why, what is there about you to stare at ~
"My old bonnet
She wore new one the next Sunday.
@ Got any COW bells?" Eyes; step this
way" "Those are too small. Haven't you
any larger?" mo, sir; the largest ones are
all Sold" Rusticus started off and got as
far as the door when the clerk called after
him: "Look here, stranger, take one OF
these small bells for your cow and you won't
have half the trouble in finding her, for
when you hear her bell you will always
know she can't be far off," The farmer
bought the bell.-7sras ,Sftings.
~ Ridcule is very much stronger than
argument. Many one who can't be over
come by argument can be made, as the Irish
man said, "to stand PROSTATE before the vic.
tori by sharp turn Of wit. "What
want" said very pompous debater, sis
lust grain of common sense in this mat
ter" "Well," retorted his opponent quick:
ly, sit will require the effort of special
Providence to give it to you"
A CoNSuB1AL REToRT.-They were hav.
ing heated argument. He said:
''stop your auarreling. People will think
we are crazy"
'They will think one Of US is crazy"
"Ah!" he responded, there's your ego
tism again" ."-New York Graphic.
ng They had been quarrelingi about hi:
next summer clothes. She wanted to nave
his light suit cleaned up for 1885, and ne
wanted a heavier suit. '"What's the use O
fighting about this?" he said, finally. ''!
NAV be in the cemetery next summer" 81
think" she replied, "you will need youl
summer clothes wherever you may be-"
ns~ A shoemaker, blind with an eye, com
piained that one of his lamps did not burn
a shonmate. who is a genuine son of the