Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-01-07
PLEASANTRIES.

PLEASANl h1ESs
AN Alabama negro was recently
heard to soliloquize: "De sun am so
hot, de cotton am SO grassy, de work am
so hard dat dis darkey feel called upon
to preach. Bress de LODI"
odd you ever see more natural
corpse than Mrs Podson?" asked lady
friend, returning from Sunday funeral,
"Such a contented smile" Con
tented smile" repeated the friend, ut
was all put on"
The young ladies of this city carried
MONDAY lunch in music roll until the
custom had become dreadfully vulgar. 1t
is suspected that the violin case, now so
much in vogue, is used for the same
purpose Boston Transcript.
How McNab hurt somebody: Dread
full event this, sir, that has happened,
said q gentleman to a Scotch func-
tionary. "Bless me, what is it ?" why,
your neighbor, McNab, has committed
suicide" "Gud gracious, wha amp"
anxiously inquired Caledonias child.
"What is the meaning of ex nihilo
nihil fit?" asked Highlander of vii
lage school master. Weel, Donald"
answered the dominic, "I dinna mind
the literal translation; but it just
means that We Gamma TAX the breeks aft
a Highlandman."
as your overcoat at homer" asked a
merchant of his clerk who came SILVER
ing into his Office. "No, SIR" he cheer
fully replied; but my ulster is at nv
uncles." AS neither of them knew what
the other thought, the business of the
day proceeded as usual.
JOHNNIE Ito his Sunday school teach
er)-Papa said this morning he wished
the frozen water-pipes were in Teach
er-That'l do, now turn TO your lesson.
Johnnie-There was no harm in that,
teacher; he only wanted them IN warm
place, I suppose, where they wouldn't
be freezing all the time.
"LooK here" said Uppercea, the
chorister, as the grocer was weighing out
his sugar, those things weigh light.
"Mr. Uppercea," replied old Hoysen
severely, "Tm like yourself; l run the
scales 60 suit myself, and the congrega-
ton has to stand it." And the chorister
pulled out all his stops at once.
"MA, what is meant by little pitchers
have long ears?'" asked Mary as she
was getting ready for prayer-meeting.
at is simply an expression, my dear,
used by grown people sometimes when
children are about. Where did you
hear it?" II heard pa say it to the
nurse"
SCENE-Lodging-house at Ramsgate.
Landlady Ito lodger): Beg pardon,
sir; did understand as you was doc
tor of music?" Ledger: II am. Why?''
LandIady: "Well, sir, my son have
Just been and broke his fiddle, and /
thawt as low should be glad to put a
hod job IN your way"
A "soLRMNIoUs OCCASION" Parson
Whangdoodle Baxter at the funeral of
an aged coIored man: Our deceased
brudder was married foah times during
his life, but only one OBJ de widows am
so fortunate as to be able to survive him
long enough to be present on dis heah
solemniOus occasion.
"AUNT Jane, is it quite true that a
lady may ask gentleman to marry her
if it is leap year?" eyes, my dear
quite true" "But if he don't want to
marry her, Aunt Jane, what must he do
then? ?" Gle must give her new black
silk dress, my dear, and then she will I'M
derstand." ooh Aunt Jane! Aunt Jane
Now I know why you have SO many
black silk dresses. . The Judge.
AT a country hotel.-A- traveller
retires to his room, leaving word that
he is to be called for an early train. In
the morning he is aroused from sweet
sleep by the porter's knocking vehe-
mently at the door. who's there p
"Are you the gentleman that was to be
called for the 5 10 train?" eyes. All
right" "Then you can go to sleep
again, sir; the trains gone !"
The Tartary young man who breaks
his engagement with his girl does SO at
his peril for he then has to engage him
self to the next older sister. Ii anything
happens to her he has to take the next
one, and so on down. The family that
matrimonially catches a Tartar doesn't
let go its grip until grim death has been
very busy. For Tartar families are al.
ways blessed with large bevy of girls.
- Waterbury American.
"Now, sir" said the prosecuting at
torney, pompously, "you are railroad
man, you say. Now, sir, let's see how
much you know about your business
sir. What motive, sir. has your com
pany for running its trains through the
city faster than the ordinances decree 2
"What motive?" eyes, sir, what motive ;
Come, sirl" "Why, locomotive, I
should say" The witness was fined
for contempt of court.
MARGY-"An' where have yez been
Mary. I've not set eyes on We for :
week." MAXWELL, Monday night
7 was at Mrs. Nickey's party, and Tues.
day at hop, and Wednesday at con.
cert, and Thursday at Mrs. O'Ghee'f
ball and last night I was just out calm
And where have yez been yourself p