Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-08-21
BRIGHT BITS.

A FIRM'of furniture movers sends us pam
phet entitled: NsW hen is the best time to
moye?' We should say when the rent is due,
-BigD11n0hGDt Olol.
A SCARCITY of pennies in the West goes to
show that the business men of New Y oEk are
really in earnest and intend building monu-
Dlent to Gen. Grant, icd16 Tribune.
A LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER says: "If Cali
leo had only stood champagne supper to
his judges he would soon have convinced them
that the world went rOund.-Ls Figaro.
Il DECLARE. Mr.. Blank" said guest TO the
landlord OF Bar Harbor hotel, "your table
IS even woree than il was last year. And
the indignant Boniface answered, without
reflection: That's impossible, slr."-E1-
change.
MAID ITO Irish milkman) -"Missis says she's
cure there's been great deal o water in the
milk lately, and that il" Pat-"An' can yC
wander at 1t, my dear? Small blame to the
cows this thur-rsty weather, poor creatures"
Punch.
MINzEsHEMER, JR.-"Mommer, dot little
SmidJ boy said vos a shennv, I'M he hit me
IN der eye - Mrs M.-''Shust you go uH' tell
y ar fader, Shakey. I'M he fofeciose dat NOR
glitch GA dot Shmidt house pretty quick, don'd
it.'-PUck.
That city cousin OF yours who IS now
ready 30 end his little visit Of ak weeks dura
ton, viii likely ask you to drop in and see
him at the office when you are IN town. Job
SoHth and West.
FATHER-Come right out in the back yard,
my son. l'll make you see stars. SOn-Are
you going to make an American flag, father?
Father-What do You mean, you young ras-
calf SOn-Why. I'm going to provide the
stars, while You furnish the stripes. Father
Ealing on MIA neck)-Where did you inherit
this brilliancy? on with your coat,-sOn. l
must save you or perish in the attempt
PhitddekDhid CAL.
. ~ - - .y.-...ot ..s.,.-
Of an Indianian who has recently been ap-
pointed special pension examiner for the In
dianapOlis district. According to report
Saint is saint only in name. 1t is said he
has been once convicted of a violation OF the
pension law, and is now waiting a trial for
another similar offense. If the report is true
Exum Saint will probably give way to Exit
Sinner.-ChicaGO Nea0s,
AN insurance agent applied to a woman in
Austin to induce her to yet her husbands life
insured. 'Will be sure to get the monev II
he dies right Of2' Certainly, madam"
but VIII you give me the assurance that he
will die right Off?'i ''No madam, we cannot
do that" We'll. then, what good will it be
to me TO get his life insured if he doesn't die?
knew there was some eaten about this in
surance business. "-Teg0s Strings.
''wALL," SAID anegro Justice of the Peace,
addressing the prsOEer, "ez dis is de fust
off. l recOllecks mighty well de fust time l
put my hans on suthin' whut didn't long ter
me, an eff | had been stopped right dar
would or been 'prihed o. er mighty heap o.
pleasure. Doan un'erstan' me ter mean dat
it's right ter steal, fur it amt. Stealin' is
dang'us, an anything OATS dangus amt
'zacEly right. Fer puason oughter keep rum
stealth jes ez long ez be len, far de spirit is
gwine ter Obertake him sooner ur later. Let
de Young gennerman go, Mr.. Constable. -
AF6dnSdCo IraUetdr.
SHE'D a ovely little pug,
With very ugly mug;
And she nursed It, and she coddl0d il, and
kissed it;
She said it was so sweet
II was good enough to eat;
But, alas! one day it happened that she
missedit.
She hunted everywhere,
And she advertised. but meier
DID she more set eyes upon that canine
wilmer;
But at last she traced its fate,
And found, cruel to relate,
He'd been eaten by laundryman Of China.
-BOstOR Gdsette.
"RUssIA is building strategic railway to
the Austrian frontier" You know what a
strategic railway IL, don't you? BUYS its
right-Of way from the farmers for an annual
pass, then gets all their land condemned and
takes up the passes, then gets a state grant OF
two or three counties for the directors buve
its iron on long time, and pays for its grading
with construction bonds, then Issues equip
ment bonds to pay for rolling stock, horrOws
all the money III the country on the mort ges
calls IN everything outstanding and exchanges
it for dencit, changes its name from the
"North and South AIRLINE" to the Eat a nd
West short Line" divides the swag among
the directors, and runs the road with the
deficit. IL may be new in Russia, but it's an
old thing with us. Couatrv's Just fun of stra-
getic railways. -BrOohisa Eagle.