The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-09-18
UP WITH THE DENTIST.

VI Win U6e OeN utSus
lively Impees.iens Attending the Elrsa
Use OF Gas.
With eleven teeth had I parted with
out the aid of anmsthetics. Uncondi.
tionallv surrendered them to the
dentist, who was willing to receive them
for consideration. A twelfth must 90.
As I took the chair of torture. re.
marked that it was four footed molar
end would hurt.
Take gas" suggested the dentist.
''What is gas'''
nitrogen monoxide. the best anRs-
thetic known. 1t is harmless and serves
WELL"
.'rll take it; give me enough"
The dentist brought forth a rubber
bag, the wooden muzzle of which he
thrust into my mouth.
With n bound sprang into the air. ]
attempted to fasten my hold upon some
thing. but everything gave way-even a
giant elm came up by the roots. Ircal-
lied that l had but = few minutes TO
live. All my fiiends-I saw every one
were watching me. My deeds, good
and bad. filed past me. will not say
which formed the longer procession. A
man to whom l had given q pewter
quarter asked me how I liked it, and
said he knew that would come to it.
Now was going upward. and when
l had reached great height l swOOped
down like bird of prey and dashed
through wall of solid masOnry-just
one hundred feet thick by actual meas
urcment. A dozen times scared alOft
and as many times l sailed down. When
l descended all the stone fences, cob
bles, powders and trees ran to meet me.
l hit them all. Now l was ascending
again, but in . different manner. A
balloon. l,.iles in circumference was
bearing me upward. chung to its
lower part with my teeth. My hands
were in my pockets. for the air was
chilly. Above me was the balloon car.
and out of it leaned q man resembling
the dentist. In his hand he held an i'm
mense pair of tongs. He regarded me
with evident displeasurc.
We were rising at fearful rate of
speed-sO fast, indeed, that could not
shut my eyes. The wind blew the lids
open and held them back. At last the
man in the car said: "Now I'll pull
that tooth; you mus. cling with your
nose while pull" obeyed, knowing
that wis in his power. The tooth came
out on the end of the tongs, and was
placed in the car. Soon after heard a
tumuit IN the ,car above. The dentist
appeared and shook his clinched hand
at me and shouted: 'Confound your old
tooth! 1t is growing so fast that it will
crowd me out. Pretty fellow, you are.
to she'd such mOnStrous mOlar."
thought this was very unkind. l had
not asked him to pull the tooth, and
how could be responsible for its size?
Again the dentist appeared and cried
in great wrath: IL shall throw it over
bOard-loOk Out!' 1t did not hit me.
saw rs it whizzed by that it WAS many
times larger than the Capitol building
at Washington. l hoped that none of
my friends were standing where it
would fall upon the earth. We were
now near the sun and approaching
nearer ut lightning speed. The dentist
sat on the edge of the Car. dangled his
leg and smoked. He had the impudence
to ask me why did not smoke. TWAS
so warm from proximity to the sun that
/ decided to 90 no further l relin-
pushed my hold and shouted: Good
by, old jaw-breaker. Quick as
thought. insulted. indignant, the dem
fist rushed for his tongs. ''I'll pull
them ALL" he said. and as I fell the
tongs heightened and gave chase. but
could not overtake me.
After falling all day and all night. !
came near the earth early in the MORN
ing. As l flew downward gilded
weather-cOck on church steeple
crowed. l considered this offensive. and
by some unknown agency arrested my
flight, and went back to the weather.
meant BY it. He crowed the louder.
This was too great an insult. ! flew at
him. when. presto, he began to crow
louder, and to grow larger. was on
the earth now. fleeing from q monster
cock. The church and steeple were still
attached to him, but he had become so
much larger that they were no impedi-
ment l demonstrated with him, but
his only reply was blow from the. foot
that held the church and steeple. He
was on the point of dancing a bornpipe
on my stomach. when l emerged into a
new world in time to hear the dentist
say: There it is!'' at the same time
holding up tooth. Ibid you know
when pulled it," lies, saw you
and your tongs pulling, but 1 felt it not.
You were q great while about it. How
long have / been here?" The dentist
consulted his timepiecc. Zone minute
and twenty seconds. ''-EUery O.ie-