Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-05-27
PEEAS4yTRTES.

w HAT Is UD6 meaning vi UI0
Passing stranger ~ asked the teacher.
"Shoving the queer" said the head
boy.
< YOUNG Boston lady writes to the
Boston Post: "How should q young
man kiss me?" Against his will of
course.
THE problem of whether an elevator
is g. vehicle or an apartment remains
unsolved, and the average man, i'm
prisoned in the thing with a lady hest
tates about taking off his hat in the
draft
THE brevet seaside hotel now puts
in a new pane of glass and adds q
picket to the front fence, and adver-
tises that costly improvements have
been made in preparation for the COM
ing season.
In China and Japan every land own
er has to plant a certain number OF
trees. Out in the wild west, in this
country, it is different. No person is
respected who does not occasionally
plant a man.-Peoria Transcript.
ALL the shoe-dealers of Pittsburg
abbreviate the names of their goods,
and so many cartoons are labeled
'Our Kid" that the citizens Of the
Smoky City" fully believe, it is said,
that they are wearing dog skin shoes.
MAMMA, do angels play on harps %
eyes, dear; now run and take your
piano lesson" "In minute; but,
mamma, I don't b'lieve l want to be
an angel" "Why not, child ?"" Cause
somebody would be always saying:
Now run and take your harp lesson"
Boston Post.
SHE-"There is my brother Fred.
He is lawyer and awfully busy: one
can never find him at his Office, for he
says he is always at the court" He
Eyes, heis a member, you know. Been
playing with him all the afternoon.
If l had had my own racket, through,
I should have made a better show. .
Life
A MAN in a smoking car on a Dan
bury and Norwalk railway train, this
morning, leaned over to the man who
sat in front of him and said: "Have
YOU a match % eyes; but | hain't
got any cigar" was the prompt reply.
E"Then you can't want the match, "
said the first man, sweetly.-Danbury
News.
(WHICH one of Longfellow's poems
does this act remind you of? f" asked
an impecunious poet as he pawned his
gold lead pencil. ''Give it up" was
the expected answer. F'Why, the
Hanging of the Crayon,' Of course
The police are on the track OF the per-
petrator of the outrage.-NeW York
Journal.
THERE is deal of owlish speculation
in London as to the nature of the lit
tie explosion in the Admiralty Office.
Over here it does not seem a matter
Of such worldwide moment, after all.
AS likely as not somebody stepped on
a parIor match or Tennyson's new
''pome" on the navy event off. y
Louisville Courier Journal.
A CORRESPONDENT writing from Al
ghanistan says that "Afghans eat
onions as Americans do apples. II
the Russians should conquer that
country and introduce their national
diet of train oil and tallow candles,
the result of the combination will be
but let us draw theveil over this ap-
palling Observation-Disclosures T'rib-
Une.
"YEs,'' boosted an Englishman in
the West, 81 have Tudor blood in my
veins from my mothers side of the
family, and Plantagenet from my
fathers" ''Is that so? said a citi-
zen. my blood is a little mixed,
too. My grandfather was a Jersey
tenderfoot, an ma grandmother
Digger Indian squaw. We're both
half-breeds, stranger. Shake"
A GOOD deacon of one of our city
churches meandered along one of the
docks last Sunday, and, noticing a
crowd of boys fishing, he commenced
to reprove them for breaking the Sab
bath. In the middle of his speech he
stopped suddenly to calculate: ''Look
out, bub, you've got a bite to a
small boy whose attention had been
distracted from his line. Human ma
Uure was too strong for him.
A WORTHY old couple of Lowell, the
man member of which is an invalid,
have various attentions from kind
neighbors. One day last week a we'll
meaning friend sent in bottle of dis
infectant, which she thought was
needed, and calling later to see how
her proteges were getting along she
was informed that Mr-had taken
considerable of that medicine, and it
seemed to do MN lots fgOOd.-LOWeH
Courier.
NORTHERN GUEST lat Florida hotel
-"This is delicious dish" Waiter
eyes, sab; L thought that 'ud be
sunhn' new to youuns. It's alligator
steak, sah." alligator steak, eh!
Well, / never knew the flesh was fit to
eat. How tender it is y" eyes, sab.
The alligator likes tender meat him
self. sah.' 'Ah What is his favorite
food?" "Pickaninnies, sab. "-Phila-
delphia Call