Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-12-13
IN A BAD WAY.
How at Least One Drug Store
Keeper PrOspers.
The Long List Of Affections a Pale
Emaclated Young Man Habitually
Carries Around With
Him.

lust furnished them 10 tn shape OF a tur'
kew dinner, with all the accessories relating
thereto. He was compelled to wait short
time on q psle, emaciated looking Young
man who was holding close converse with
the good looking and accommodating
clerk. OF course from this description oil
bis pharmaceutical nibs any one can In
s,antly recognize the man of whom We are
speaking. But this aforesaid spHehtiy
drug clerk is Of course naturally healthy
and happy, having all the appliances and
remedies close at hand to keep his liver IN
good order, his heart beating steadily, and
all the other organs in his handsOmefrsme
from getting out Of gear; and SO our story
has
NOTHING TO DO WITH HIN,
as il is Of an opposite that the writer wishes
to speak.
The reporter watched the emscisted
Young man closely, having met him before
in stores of the same description, and he
noticed when the clerk gave him small
dose of something in q three-ounce gradu'
ate, that he swallowed it down With as
much confidence as if there was not graiu
of poison in the whole establishment. After
performing the feat Of downing the DOSE a
satisfied smile spread over his features,
nearly bordering on an expression Of hap
piness Such is the confidence OF one man
10 sno,her. His department improved, O
lirtls color came TO his face and he had all
the appearances of a healthy man. The
clerk looked on his work with pleasure and
pride and let a ely, significant wink fall
at the reporter feet, which that individual
dropped onto.
AFTER THE Young MAN HAD LEFT
the store the newspaper envoy asked the
olerk for his lscro peptiue. .,
"Ohg' remarked the clerk. with a cynical
litter, you have indigestion today, have
youP Yesterday you had an attack OF
pleurisy. By the way, did the plaster help
youT' -
"Oh, you needn't get funny now"
snarled the reporter, because fel!o"
feels bad you always attempt 10 poke fun
at him. I really believe you laughed at
the young man who just left. Give me
that dose, then you can laugh ell you
want; feel that dinner getting the best
of me, aud Ill have severe attack OF dys'
pepsis, if you don't hurry.
You struck it right. l do laugh at
that young man, although he is one OF
our best CUSTOMERS said the clerk, as ne
handed out the lscto. I'm fact, he iS a
confirmed hypochondrisc, imagining ne
has al the
DISEASES THAT FLESH IS HEIR TO.
BE comes in seven days in the week With
Christian regularity, and ottimes twice on
Sunday because he has more time on thai
day to huat up some pain or ache that has
been lying dormant ell Week :.
Are there mGDy men like him who
come hereT' asked the scribe.
Lois of them; bat believe be has thu
disease worse than any. with the exception
of zone. don't mean you. You only
have FIVE or six ailments in your repertoire
while that young msa embraces everything
TO be found in a medical work, and ho's
got EN- on list"
Name some of his most prominent dis
eases"
well, think he mostly imsgines that
his liver is out of working order, and be
must take blue mass pill. Compound
cathsrric is little too tough for him
Very often be thinks he is rapidly dropping
into q eopsuwpuve state; then be takes
cod liver oil and whisky and such other
remedies, but il several days he will be
around.
IYoUIRING INTO THE MERITS
of Horsierd's acid phosphate for the
nerves, and he has such an imagination
that he really almost takes nervous chill
Then his next greatest complaint Is what
you think you have :o-dsy-indigestion
Bot it is useless to attempt description
of his complaints, as it would take me G
week. Why, he even came in one warn
day last summer and asked me if l didn',
think he bad a slight attack ofyelleN
fever. Fact"
How does hypochondriaiGm effect the
young man whom you excepted while
sgoW :,
"Oh. he is hYpo, sure enough" sale
the clerk lsughingly, land affected In
peculiar manner. His great act is tc
stand around and listen to people, e'pe
cially old women, talking about what kinc
OF root or herb is good for certain jus
ease. Then he Immediately become:
afflicted with that disesse-in his mind
rushss up to me, and has me put him VI
some tea or decoction OF
ALL THE REMEDIES He HEARS SPOKEN OF
lis his idea that union Is strength, and If h
hears several people mention as many rene
dies for pslpita;ion ofthe heart his heart vii
immediately begin to 'palp" at IA
gait, at least he imsgines 80, and up ht
comes with all the remedies written down
on q piece of paper and has me mix then
all up together. !, Of course, hsve offer
demonstrated with him upon taking suct
doses, out he will not be convinced and in
sists upon taking the terrible mixtures
which make much milder. This young
man always has one disease until he hears
of q r, nedy for another, vhereupon The
| old instantly disappears and the new
usurps its place in his imagination. HI
is indeed decidedly
PECULIAR HYPocHoNDRIAc.
Have you snv lady customers affected
in the same wsy|
yes, a few. A lady, though, when she
inasinss she is affected. with some disease
generally sass in the house. and either
sends for doctor or dispatches mesaep'
ger to drug store to lee what is goOd for
her ailment and to send her ten cents
worth of the remedy. We have several
lsdysscustouers, however, who come them
selves quite ofteh-"
"Wbat is the nature of their msladies,
generallyT
They are usually afflicted with nervous.
ness and hold out their hsRds to sho= me
how they are shaking give them liz
lie dose of kali bromidi, or vslerisn, and
they 90 away feeling much relieved. l
believe there are more female hypocbon
dr;ans than there aRa mGls, hut the men