Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1885-06-20
RISE AND FALL OF THE ROLLER
RINKIST.
BY BILL NYE.


have once more tried to ride
pair of roller skates. That is the
reason l got down on the rink and
down on roller skates. That is the
reason several people got down on me.
That is also the reason why | now
state in q public manner to a lost and
undone race; and unless the roller rink
is at once abolished, the whole civil
lied world will be plungedIinto arnica.
Ihad tried it once before, but had not
carried my experiments to a successful
termination. l made trial trip
around the rink last August, but was
ruled out by the judges for incompe-
tency, and advised to skate among
people who were hostile to the govern
ment Of the United States, while the
proprietors repaired the rink. On the
9th of September, l nestled in the
bosom of cyclone to excess, and it
has required the bulk of the succeed
ing months for nature to glue the bones
of my leg together in proper shape.
That is the reason have not given
the attention to roller skating that I
should. A few weeks ago, l read
what Mr.. Talmage said about this great
national vice. 1t was..his opinion that
if we skated in a proper spirit, we
could leave the rink each evening with
our immortal souls in good shape.
Somehow it got out on Tuesday evening
| would undertake the feat of skating
three rounds in three hours with no
protection to my scruples, for one-half
the gate money, Talmage rules. So
there was quite large audience pres
ent with opera-glasses. Some had
umbrellas, especially on the front
rows. These were worn spread, in
order to ward off fragments of the
rink which might become disengaged
and set in motion by atmospheric dis
turbances. In obedience to a wild
Wagnerian snort from the ORCHESTRA,
1 feel perfectly at home before an
audience when l have my skates in
my hand. 1t is morbid desire to
wear the skates on my feet that has
always been my bette noir. Will the
office boy please give me brass check
for that word SO can get it when I
go away9 My first thought, after get
ting myself secured to the skates, was
this: .:'Am l in the proper frame of
mind? Am doing this in the right
spirit , Am about to skate in such a
way as to lift the fog Of unbelief which
now envelopes sinful world, or shall
deepen the opaque night in which
my race is wrapped ~
Just then, that end of the rink erupt-
cd in manner so forthwith and so tout
ensemble that l had to push it back in
place with my person. l never saw
anything done with less delay or less
languor.
The audience went wild with enthu-
siasm, and responded to the encore
by writing my name in the air with
my skates.
This closed the first seance, and my
trainer took me in the dressing room to
attend consultation of physicians.
After the rink carpenter had lacked up
the floor little, | went out again. 1
had no fears about my ability to per-
form the mechanical part assigned me,
but l was still worried over the ques-
ton of whether it would or would not
be of lasting benefit to mankind.
Those who have closely scrutinized
my frame in repose, have admitted that
was fearfully and wonderfully made.
Students of the human frame say that
they never saw such a wealth Of linz
berness and looseness lavished upon
one person. They maintain that ma
ture bestowed upon me the hinges and
joints intended for whole family, and
therefore when | skate, the air seems
to be perfectly lurid with limbs. l
presume that this is true, though have
so little leisure while skating in which
to observe the method itself, the plot
or animus of the thing, as it were, that
my opinion would be of little value to
the scientist.
| am led to believe that the roller
skate is certainly great eivilizer and
a wonderful leveler Of mankind. If we
SO skate that when the summons comes
to seek our ward within the general
hospital, where each shall heal his bus
ted cuticle within the walls where rink
lists squirm, we go not like the social
wreck, morally paralyzed, but like
hired man taking his medicine, and so
forth-we may skate with perfect inn
punity, or any one else to whom we
may be properly introduced by our
cook.
Skating on the roller skate is like
riding on railway train. If the man
agement is good and we behave our
selves, we feai safe. Rinking in and
of itself is not dangerous from moral
point of view-with good associates