Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1885-03-19
vanity. You want to get up high some
L. -


her forehead, resuminga stern expression
of visage, and stretching her arms dow
rigidly by her sides. This is the way
would foil the villain"
is that what You call it," inquire'
Mr.. Spoopendyke, nursing his knee an
glowering upon her. ut looks more a
if you were bidding against anothe
woman for secondhand hair cloth sof
intended to foil the villain, he must b
pretty light in the waist"
Idon't know smiled Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, rubbing her chin. '1n all the play
have ever seen, they always drive tn
bad man off with naughty look. Sa.
dear, isn't this the way to welcome
husband after long absence?" and sh
parted her lips, gazed eagerly into space
and extended her arms.
that's the way to hail street car 7
grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "If you wan
to make the welcome of husband per
fectly natural, you ought to have slnel
of onions in the hall and your back hal
in your mouth. That's the kind of .
welcome l always get.
mo, you don't either!" protested Mrs
Spoopendyke. Il always run right up tt
you, and kiss your
"Well, there's a smell of onions abou
it somewhere" persisted Mr.. Spoopen
dyke. What makes you stick YOU
arms out like andirons?" he demanded
you look as if you were trying to KEEP
off dog"
anyhow, that's the way they do it,
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke, 8 trifle abash.
ed. "Then when they get the letters tell.
ing them that their uncle has speculated
away all their property, they do like this, u
and Mrs. Spoopendyke threw her hand
to her forehead, staggered back and
caught hold of chair.
(Which does like that, the uncle or the
property ?" asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, eye.
ing the performance with high disfavor.
| at looks something like the property at
the tail end of the speculation, but it re-
sembles more accurately the uncle buy
ing lower berth for Canada"
81 meant it for the orphan who had
been despoiled," murmured Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. strengthening up and looking
rather downcast. ut was intended fer
an attitude of despair. How would you
do it, this way?" and she sank into the
chair, covered her face with her hands,
and sobbed violently.
"IfI wanted to give the impression of
tight boot and corn, l should do it
just that way" growled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke.
SHOULD 1 throw my arms forward
listlessly, and let my head fall SOP" she
inquired, suiting the gesture to the ques-
ton.
That's more like it," assented Mr..
Spoopendyke with a grin. "People
who hadn't seen the play before might
think you were counting the pieces for
the wash woman, but the orchestra
would understand it."
81 don't care" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke; Il know l could act if l
could get chance Now see me scorn
my lover when find out he loves me
not, and has been paying his addresses
to the heiress;;" and she threw her head
back, stretched out one arm, and covered
her face with pale cast of loathing.
THAT might do" said Mr.. Spocpen-
dyke slowly. at looks to me like an at
tempt to borrow $3.50. Stick out the
other hand and make it $50 l don't
know, though" hecontinued, both arms
would look like bring me me che-ild!" l
guess you'd better stick to the original
amount. You'll be more apt to collect"
"Perhaps you think I'd do better in
comedy" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, her
spirits dashed by adverse criticism.
Now We will suppose that am the
cook who boiled the watermelon, and
you, as the master of the house, are en-
ragged with me. How will this do for the
cooks attitude of bewilderment and
penitence?" She struck comical atti-
tude and gazed at him aghast.
Don't! don't! exclaimed Mr.. Spoonen-
dyke, burying his face in his hands and
pretending to be overcome with emotion.
1T is beautiful, but it reminds me so
much of mothers death! Please let up!
l can't bear it!' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
sobbed aloud.
Il didn't intend it that way, DEAR"
sighed Mrs. Spoopedkyke, embracing him
tenderly. Forgive me, but I thought l
was acting funny"
That's all right" snorted Mr.. spoop-
endyke, recovering himself with a jerk,
"But the next time you act comedy leave
out the draughts and the chances for
cold IN the head. You talk about act
ing! You don't know any more about it
than pig knows about the contribution
box. Look here, now; I'll just give you
one passage and let that be the end of
the whole business"
Mr.. Spoopendyke arose, thrust one
hand in the breast of his coat, set his
teeth tight and growled. Then he rolled
his eyes around and roared, "Aha!" Ad-
vancing one foot with the stamp of an
elephant, he swung his arm around and
crash! The mantle ornaments lay in a
profused heap on the floor.
"Oh, dear!" murmured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, trembling from head to foot.
"Got enoughw demanded Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, surveying the wreck with dis.
tended eyes. "Want the rest of this
scene, or will you have the play with
drawn on account of sickness in the fami-
ly? Want to act some more, don't ye 7"
he howled, his gorge rising. "Got some
kind of notion fastened to your head
with hairpins that the whole dramatic
business depends upon you, and that you
only want a wig and q curtain to be a
whole dod gasted theater with spectators
out in front and bar next door. Oh, 60
right on and act!" he yelled, and then
striking high falsetto, he squeaked,
"Henrico, me own Henrico-ah !-pardon
these tears. Oh, God! How can tell
him! Concealment is useless Henrico!
-ah !-me own Henrico! The carriage
waits" and Mr.. Spoopendyke fell over
backwards on the bed and fred his feetup
in the air. ION with the dancew be roar
ed, sprinRing to a perpendicular again.
Bring on the ballet?" and spinning
around like top in the excitement OF
his wrath, he lost his balance, came
down hard on the smashed china, and
then went speechless to his couch.
81 don't care" murmuured Mrs. Spoop-
endyk e. brushing away the debris so she
could safely sit on the floor and take off