The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-10-29
WIT AND HUMOR.


Lynn Union.
The man who went for Baltimore's
British lions with Ratchet was either
an Irishman or an art critic.-Phsla-
detphia Enquirer.
81 see that old Heavysides has a
memorial window in our church"
.'Yes, and it recalls him very wildly,
for it's very badly stained. "-Boston
Budget
There is man in Hoboken who has
failed in business so many times that
his friends offer odds that when he pays
his debt to Nature he won't pay over
20 cents on the dollar. Puck.
1t is thought that the Queen will
save herself the trouble of dealing out
distinctions to Battenberg in detail and
will create him Prince Pooh-Bah, thus
making him Lord High Every Thing
Else at once. N. Y. World.
''Only fancy, grandpapa, l made
thirteen mistakes in my French exer-
else" 80, l dare say l should have
made more, my darling" 80, no, you
wouldn't. There were only thirteen
words. y London Punch.
A place in Africa called Anneg has
been attacked by cannibals, who ate
most of the white residents. A taste
for the white of Anneg shows that our
missionary efforts have not been in
vain.- hhsburg pa } Chronicle.
Another cigaret-smoker has jumped
off building and knocked his brains
out 1t is becoming more and more
apparent that our pavements will
never be in good sanitary condition
until the cigaret-smoker is tied to
post down cellar. philadelphia Press.
Say, Darringer, have you heard of
Bromley's last invention?" mo. L
didn't know he had any genius in that
way. What has he invented" sit is
just wonderful 1t is destined to make
a complete revolution -" "Sakes
alive man, what is it?" "a circular
saw. '-Philadekphia Call.
Doctor-"You must take more ex-
ercise; what is your business?" Pa
tient-'I am q brickiayer by trade"
Doctor-''Then you ought to get plen-
ty of exercise" Patient-s'That de-
ponds. You see. sometimes we work
by the piece and sometimes by the
"JsSS'SN AfUfN0O'S%t.
"What was the trouble at church
this morningP'' inquired one Dakota
citizen of another Il understand
there was a row." 80, it didn't
amount to anything. Some of the
members in the back pews threatened
to shoot the minister unless he spoke
louder. That was all. Life.
Dude Ito the theatre doorkeeper)-
"Ah, could you-aw-let me see-aw
Mile. DeMontfort? You know her
chawming young creawture with
blonde hair, don't ye know. Dawnces
AVN the ballet
Doorkeeper (gruffiy) - mo, you
can't see her, young teller. If you
have any message give it to me. Pm
her grandson. "-Iaris Morning NetcS
The following unique communica-
ton was received recently by one of
our jewellers: ''Sir Pleas Fix this Wotch
for this Boy if you can. Shood of Com
with him But Good Not. | thoot YOU
Good Fix this Wotch if Eny Body Good
fer you ar oosed to this kind of a
Wotch, and oblige me. "-Burlington
(N) Free Press.
Music at home Gn the country
house)-Herr Belmoski (by request):
Zach, if your latyship shall graciously
hermit. l shall play for you my ronto
antantino gabriccioso in f mollr'
Noble hostess; 30, that will be very
nice! Pm afraid the piano is not in
tirst-rate order, by the by. Our tuner
died a few years ago, and we've never
been able to find another"
A certainty is better than an uncer-
tainty. Which is why men prefer to
procure medicine at the saloon rather
than at the druggists. At the drug
store there is always doubt whether
you get the harmless drug your pre-
scription calls for or virulent poison.
At the saloon it is different; you are
sure to get poison every time.-BoSt0n
Transcript
A Pawnee Indian is reported as hav-
ing decamped from the Indian Terrific
ry with 81, 500 belonging to trader.
If this is So no further proof is needed
to show the Indian is capable of higher
civilization and intelligence enough to
become a voter and hold Office. 1t is
possible, however, that the trader has
lied for the purpose of cheating his
creditors.-NeW Orleans Picayune.
One day, while Dickens was being
taken by photographer, the result be-
ing the well-known picture in which he
is shown writing, the artist told him
that he did not hold the pen right, and
suggested that he should take it more
naturally in his fingers. just as
though you were writing one of your
novels, Mr.. Dickens said he. 81
see,n said Dickens, call of 'er twist"
The cleverest hit Life has had of late
is at the expense of the much-vaunted
cheap French course dinner. 1t is at
one of the restaurants in the Palais
Royali
Jack (who has just treated his friend
to the dinner of the establishment:
'Pretty good dinner for two francs
and half, eh?'
His friend First rate. Let's have
another"
ANY quails about the neighbor-
hoodp" inquired tourist as he was
about to register at Lake George
hotel.
"Quails!' said the proprietor with
ah SiiilC, thCN nave SOG "
be nuisance. The cook complains
that he can't throw piece of refuse
toast out of the back window but that
four or five fat quails fight to see which
one shall lie down on it. Here, Front,
show this gentleman to parlor A.
N. Y. san.
Sitter. but don't you think these
pictures fatter mef" Photographer
''Flatter you? No, sir; on the contrary,
they flatter me. l undertake to say
that you may go all over the city and
you won't find a photographer vino
will give you such a splendid picture.
! am an artist, sir, though | do say it;
not slavish imitator. If you want a
likeness go to Smiths, or Browns, or
any of those fellows: but what will it
look like when you've got it: "-Boston
Transcript
Foreman-"We printed this cut yes
terday as a murderer and to-day it's a
wife-beater
Editor-"Both bad men-iet it go