The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-07-18

this city, on close count Is as two to one,
but the former have the hardest time to keep
cool. The heat strikes fat man all over
and keeps his pores busy all day, buster, at
least, than himself as Ottawa fat men are
80 fixed that all they do is to fan them
selves, keep the flies off and drink lemon.
AIDE.
The returns will soon be coming in from
the rural districts round about Ottawa,
! freighted with the customary disastrous
intelligence that follows in the wake Of the
moving machine. 1t is a ghastly subject
tor humor to tackle rs there is not much
fun in learning that a big toe has been
piled up with the hay there, or that fin
ger joint was nipped off here, but the
more accustomed people get with machin-
cry, the more careless they become. If
the Gossiper had devoted wife and eleven
children at home in such circumstances
that his successful existence was necessary
to their comfort and happiness, he would
consider it sure death to stand before
mower while endeaoring to oil the pesky
thing. An utter disregard of this advice
from the pencil of the Gossiper will create
more widows and fatheress orphans in the
adjacent territory than you can shake
stick at.
A young lady may have beauty, health,
wealth, and lovers who adore her as naught
else can be worshipped and still not feel
that seraphic bliss that comes only when
she sees her name in print. Call 1t vanity.
or whatever you please but even the best
people like to hear themselves spoken of.
And there is no just reason why they
should not. 1t is only when praise is be-
slowed upon the unworthy, that it becomes
fulsome and nauseating. A paper pub
lished not far from this city has been for
years Systematically engaged in indiscrim-
inately tlattering its subscribers from
clergyman down to a horse thief, and still
they like it.
One of the paramount questions at issue
among the rural press of Bureau county,
Just now, is the "OX-Eyed Daisy The
papers are full of her and even Senator
Whiting has had time to become mixed
up In the discussion. After Il while these
editors will be writing of the" Cock Tailed
Daisy" with "a little more sugar if you
please"
One day last week the free Press stated
that Streator had a population of $4,000;
this week the same fellow increases the
population by adding 5000 more to it.
Johnny Fornof is little man but when 1t
comes to tampering with the population OF
his city he will not stop at such trife as
four or five thousand, more or less 1t has
always been a distinctive characteristic of
men of such stature, that the smaller they
are the greater liars do they become. The
population of Streator has been varioHsly
given. One paper puts 1t down at 10000;
another figures it out at 10000; another
thinks 1t to be $4,000, but Fornof jumps it
5000 above the figures given by him few
days ago, and makes it 10000 If Eli Per
cious, bare faced braggadocio of the Strea-
tor press in its efforts to manufacture a
population on paper, The society for the
Prevention Of Eyaggertion ought to put
tb FL; dc talI no fr,,fh
once year, at least 1t is easy for the eye
of needle to pass through a Streator
newspaper man as it is for him to tell
whopping lies. 1t may be, however, that
pace with Fornof's fabrications.
-
The warm weather doesn't seem to agree
with Jack and Hib, of the so-called Twin
Cities IIib is virulent radical of the
Republican persuasion, who is living off
an administration he venomously DETAINED
during the campaign, and Jack is the NOM
inal editor of sheet that appropriates edi-
torials from ADLER contemporaries and palms
them off aJhis own. Hib had just drawn
his quarters salary one day this week, and
Jack had just completed a rafting editori-
al with his scissors when the thought seiz-
ed them to turn their combined batteries
on The Gossiper They want him to apol
ogise for little harmless pleasantly con-
corning the La Sale and Mendoza tele-
phone operators in a recent issue of the
FREE TRADER. Hib and Jack, YOU are ris-
ing altogether too high into the cerulean
voids, or the fear of retributive justice
has unsettled your massive intellects and
ratified your classic domes of thought 1t
has been but short while since any lady of
would permit either of you
to champion her cause or do battle for her
honor, as diu the knights of old, if there's
any such lady now. Your thinskinned