Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-06-06

oStty w hssoW WuUt tuC Wotu ttuN -
derived from" III you are going to
learn roller skating ! would advise you
to become acquainted with the word
equilibrium, for you'll want to know
more about 1t than about rink when
you put on tho rollers"
Children have funny ways Of express
ing themselves. johnny, who was
born and raised in the city, went up to
Portsmouth, nice little town on the
Ohio, not long ago. and when he came
home he had much to tell. by the
way, Johnnie asked his father, sis
Portsmouth es big rs Cincnnatip'
"Well. no, papa, guess not. That is,
there amt nearly so many houses, but
Merchant 1'dUeter.
William Green. now in Auburn Pris-
on for bi gamy, In conversation with
reporter the other day. gave the fol-
lowing ns I'm excuse for leaving his Os-
wego County wife: Children were
the cause" said he. "Wlicn married
rer believed Ter to be alone in tho
world. We moved to Watcrtown. and
while there she visited Hannibal.
When she returned to me she brought
with her six youngsters, all of whom
called mo dad 1t was more than
could stand. albany argus.
One Andalusian said to another: II
say. mate, must have dropped off to
sleep all Of a sudden last night. for
when awoke this morning found my
hand on my forehead just rs left II
when signing the cross on lying
down" ..Why. man. that's nothing.
IN tell you what once happened to me.
One morning as | awoke | found my
self resting with my hands on the bed
and my body stretching out in the air. I"
"Whatp" ''l must have gone to sleep
in the act of jumping into bed ~ Duo
iia Ha.ss.
Workhouse boy, who had been APP
prentieed to small farmer, brought
up, as lie had run away. Guardian
"Did they beat you?" Boy-"No, SIR"
Guardian-"Then why did you run
awayp" Boy Please sir. soon after
l got there pig died; they salted it,
and we had fur to cat it. Then o calf
died. and they salted it, and we had
fur to cat, that; then masters grand
mother died, and | seed 'em taking
some salt upstairs. so run'd away
London TOtiicat Times.
A wild-eyed man entered Chatham
street pawn-shop and, wished to see
some pistols. ii sells you dot pistol
for two dollar" said the clerk. "Pil
take it. Load it up, and before an-
other sunrise I'll put an end to my mis-
cradle existence" Wat! You shoot
yourscluf NIT dot pistolp" "Yes,"
said the wild-eyed man, desperately.
'.Mr. Isaacstein," called the clerk to
the proprietor in the back room.
''dcr shentlemau wants n two-dollar
pistol to kill himselluf init. Vat shall
l doP" .'Sharge him five dollar.
NeW York Sun.
John Shorger has been paying
marked attention to Miss DE Smythe,
one of the bellies of Texarkana. He
has come very near proposing several
times, but did not dare risk it for fear
she might refuse to amalgamate. He
got around it very nicely, however,
while escorting her home from church.
He said: 'Miss DE Snythe, il there
Is anything in the world | dislike it is
to have a young lady refuse me. wish
you would tell me if you would say
yes in case ! were to ask your hand
in marriage" She suggested that he
try it, but he thought he had better
wait awhile until ho could see his way
more cleurly.--7erGs Stttings.
One of the dry-goods stores has lost
a customer, one Of the handsome clerks
has lost his situation, and all through
his miserable education at the tele-
phone. The lady in question is deaf
and carries a little tube, with the usual
mouthpiecc, to speak into. The other
day she came up TO the counter, and as
preliminary to the conversation
touching hor proposed purchase, she
mouthpiece to the clerk. He immedi-
ately put his mouth to it and called
out "licIio!" and before he rccollected
himself the customer had flounced out
Of the establishment San Francisco
Chronicle.
President w. X. Pendleton, of Beth
any College, is most genial and pleas
ant brother. In a talk we had with
him few days ago he gave us bit Of
his experience. He visited rich disci-
Pile, and worked on him three days,
hoping to secure large subscription to
Bethany College. At the end of the
three days visit the old Lrother said to
President Pendleton: II have made
up my mind to help you, but think
you had better let me have two or three
weeks to decide as to the amount l
shall give" The agent readily assent
ed to that, and returned three weeks
thercafterto ascertain the exact amount.
The old brother was delighted once
more W l'e honorsd with call from
the Psesidsnt, and very soon said:
''BrotlIcr Pendleton, l have made up
my mind what will do for Bethany,
and here il is" and with that he hand