Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-06-24
WIT AND NOR.
THE METROPOLIS OF TuE UNITED
STATES.


How are houses and rents in the city, my
friend,
That wears the imperial CROWN"
wei, thls wuy-thc rents are arranged to rs.
While the houses are built to come down"
Come hither come hthcr my portlic fricndei
And tric on yc skates withc NEE.
"Ach, ncin! Ach neinl" said that portlie
81 het been derc shust rcceutlec:
N,r' iouut shust So soon as mein hct coot
sChwim,
Mine feet were my hands should pee,
You can hear dem mcniinV dot hole made,
lnd ich will nicht skate mt thee
Washington Hatchet,
The ballad writers are becoming
scarce. Cheap music is driving them
out.
Sunday-school tcacher-"What is
the meaning Of the words. 'Quench not
the spiritP" Bright boy--"Papa says
it means don't put in any water"
What is there in miuce piep' asks
household journal. We should like
to answer than question, but have not
time to get out suppIcmcnt.-lhiId-
detphta Tunes.
Hungary, which Is 8, 200 feet deep. A
Jug kept at the bottom of this well
would not be likely to be discovered. -
Bariington Free Press.
at is really wonderful to see how
well the men keep step Hc-"Bah.
that is nothing! When | was a soldier
| used to keep step better than all the
rest put togtherH'-Ld Iedettd.
mir Jcnkinson's wife must be aw-
ful jealous!' said Miss Smith; "he gave
me his seat in the horse-car, and when
thanked him he begged me not to
mention t. boston Transcript
In some Of the New York skating
rinks novel feature is the presence Of
boys dressed in female attire. Young
America is cute. He soon learns that
it is more comfortable to sit down on u
bustie that on pair of dude pants
BuiingtoR Free Press.
A lad l3 years of age devoured three
pounds of straw wberrics in thirteen min
utcs in Portland, Ore, last Monday, in
a bGrry-cating contest with another
lad, II years old. who came in a good
second in fourteen and onc-half min
utcs. San Francisco Buiiettn.
When the gentle savages of Dakota
find time hanging heavy on their hands
they repair to the nearest town and
tear down the courthouse. They raise
Il good deal of wheat up in Dakota, but
they raise good deal more of some
thing else. .-kanSaS Chy Times.
II want you to understand. said a
French Judge to a prisoner who seem
ed inclined to laugh, "that this charge
is serious quite serious. Indeed. YOU
are suspected of having poisoned six
people, and cant look upon it as a
triling matter indeed l cant. t."-De-
trOH Free Press.
"Mr, Tart. I've written some verses
on my dog; would YOU like to hear
read them, Mr.. Muse. Just let me
know what part of the dog they are
written on, and will visit the kennel
some day and read them myself. ~
lOHEcrS GdzcHe.
On strect-car yesterday afternoon
the reporter heard middie-aged lady
ask younger one: How are YOU get.
ting uiong?' 80, was the reply, Il
am having Dolphin time" "A Dol
phin time. What is that?n 80, you
see, | nave SO many trials" was the re-
ply u HaSh'ngtJm Crtttc.
When the late Mr.. Frclinghuyscn
was Il very young man he had an am
b.tlUu to become an actor. and, being
convinced that his histrionic talents
would win him distinction as an ex-
pournt OF the drama, he broke away
from all social considerations and was
for n short time on the stage.
A narrow escape: Il do SO like the
General, SAID sweet voice behind me
ut tne opera "lie's dear man, isn't
hc?" Yes, YOU know I'm sort of re.
lated to him. ''lndced; ne er knew
that. How?" "IIe came very near
being my father. he was the first man
my mother was engaged to. san
francisco Chronicle.
80 you have got twins at your
house?' said Mrs. Bczumbe TO little
Johnny Samucson. "Yes, man. two
OF EN-. What are you going to call
them?' "Thunder AMI Lightning.n
why, those are strange names to call
children. "Well, that's what pa call
ed 'em as soon as he heard they were
in the house. '-7erds N1l,nys.
First small boy: What does your
pap do for living?" Second small
boy Grom New York; My pap's
great man, he is. He is an Office hold
er. Whats his office, then?" Hes
building inspector. "Id think that
would be awful dangerous going around
unsafe buildings 'Oh. no. He
don't go near 'em till after they fall
down. .'-Phtiadeiphia CaA
A smart Colonel of an Irish militia
regiment was lately found fault with
by the Inspecting General for the in
different shooting Of his regiment. The
Colonel replied: Sir, | must explain
that stand before YOU in two positions
one As Colonel OF the regiment and
the other as an Irish landlord As far
as am concerned ] consider the shoot
ing good enough. "-lroy Times.
There is coIored preacher who lives
near Jasper that rules his horse by but
tlng him. III the animal is fractions or
stubborn, he takes the kinks out by de-
Iiberately seizing ii by the ears and
Dutllng 1t squareIy in the forehead un-
I'll 1t falls 10 its knees. This it gener-
ally does at the second or third butt,
"hcn the old par,on steps behind and
drives ahead again.-JaSper (fia)
Irmls.
Il would like to know if mankind
has really derived any benefit from roll
cr-skatng' said "a minister to an edi-
tor, 'lt certainly has produced one
bcneiical rcsuIt-One that cannot be
too highly estimated. Indeed! What
may ihatNe?' why, it has caused a
marked iaIIing-oii in those standard,