Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-09-18
OUR KALEIDOSCOpE,

Cucumbers ought to be called "mis- fit
vegetables"
Conundrum for Brainerds disappointed
captors: Did you ever catch kidnap
ping
McCaflrey says he would fight Sullivan
in rat hole, if they couldn't find any
other place. That's just about the size of
it,
A "Glee club and Literary Society" in
Wyoming has lynched six men thus far
this year for horse stealing Wyoming
people evidently believe in business be
fore pleasure.
"a lie grows as it travels" says an old
adage. Exception should be made in the
case of the lisherman's lie which is usual
ly so large that it can't travel.
Insect powder will kill fleas on dogs,
but unfortunately its fatal effects do not
extend to the dog.
The early bet catches the pool
a poet at White sulphur Springs wears
vest buttons costing SIG each. Must have
Il rich wife.
y Maine doctor declares that he has the
spirits of three hundred Indians under his
control. He'll get the jim jams sure.
A Tennessee school mann put on a pair
of 81 stockings to aStonish the natives, and
got bounced for extravaganza. Moral
don't teach school.
| There was picnic in Pennsylvania, last
week, 10000 strong. 1t is calculated that
upwards of 10000 pairs of pants were spoil
| ed by custard pie.
| An Augusta, Ga, man is training
monkeys to play base ball. The beauty OF
Il monkey base ball player is that if he
muffs ball with his first pair of hands he
can catch it with the second.
In Siam the cats have their tails banged
In this country they have their head,
/ nged-occasionally.
A serviceahle balloon can be bought fol
$500. Curious how people will 90 to tn,
trouble of drowning themselves, wher
there are so many more effective ways o
committing suicide
An Iowa veteran draws pension be
cause, ten years ago, his wife struck hin
with brOOmstick
Cannon Farrar announces that he viii
be able to make only very short stay il
Chicago. Somebody has evidently beel
letting the cat out of the bag.
a California squash recently broke from
the vine, rolled down hill and killed
horse. 1t seems that there are some garde
vegetables more deadly than cucumbers
The latest style of greeting among fash
ionable young ladies is to rub their cheek
together. \ more equal exchange of co,
metics is thus ensured.
a Western woman recently consulted
physician in regard to strange hallucinf
ton. She said she was constantly dream
ing of odd figures, and even in the da
time dazzling colors and funny combini
lions of patterns were floating before he
: eyes The doctor told her that if she wei
Il ma II he should treat her for delrul
tremens, but being Il woman he shoul
prohibit her making any more Graz
quilts.
f Mighty poor dogs sometimes make fir
sausage meat.
Chicago has applied for 10000 squa
feet of space ut the New Orleans Expos
ton. Is it possible she is going to mai
, an exhibition of her footwear?
The congregation of Rev. DR.. Talmag
q who is now abroad, are considering no
4 most pleasantly to surprise him on his I
e turn. We would suggest putting up
= sprngboard in the pulpit.
It's too bad that President Clevelal
doesn't fish in the scientific way, with II
t rod and reel 1t knocks all the roman
! out of the thing to have him catch so MAJ
+ fish,
;, The Baltimore Heruld is authority
; the statement that the socks which Stor
!. wall Jackson first wore on the day he W
him by the Misses Thomas of Ellcc
a Mills, Md. Isn't it kind of mean to ri
+ away little family secrets like this
II The modern rule of two-"Two's col
e pany, threes Il crowd"
: The Rev. Sam Jones says IL would II
IS wipe my feet on professional base bi
d player" He probably wouldn't, b
l. once.
n The Pope has printed his poems, Lat
Il and Italian, numbering thirtythree, t
circulation among the cardinals, excl
sively. This is wise. No cardinal won
dare to criticize the Pope
Il Oil is not usually considered much of
d adhesive, but it is the best thing know
e to keep the wild waves from breaking.
e Are We Going to the Devil ?" asks t
IS Louisville COuricr-JOurHdl, in big tyl
u We presume you are. Most Democra
II editors have Il tendency that way.
10 \ Maine newspaper says that bars
2 Maine are as scarce rs hens teeth" YC
the kind of bars that have hair on 'em.
~ The king of Denmark has wart on
= chin which he would give $4,000 to 9
y rid Of Five minutes fooling around
y buzz saw would do it.
1t The sailing qualities of the Puritan a
Il. popularity attributed. in part at least,