Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-11-09

washington was never known to run
after street car.
A bald head is like a vacuum. because
there is no air there.
A woman with pretty eyes can evoke
many languishing Obs.
AS Spain doesn't seem inclined to hold
her Yap, Germany decided to hold it for
her.
Query for a yachtman If vessel can
sail before the wind why should she have
to wait for the wind?
The pedestrian who was beaten in
foot race by colored man, said he was
''overtaken by darkness
When miner has been eaten by a
grizzly, the Western people speak of him
as being admitted to the bar.
"By George!" said a Frenchman the
other morning, 81 have slept sixteen
hours. 1 went to bed ut eight and got
up at eight
Augustus" said Amelia, chow do oy-
sters get any air to breathe when their
shells are closed tight?" ssBi-valves," !"
murmured Gus.
An ordinary woman's waist is thirty
inches around. An ordinary mans arm
is about thirty inches long. How admir-
able are thy works, O nature!
Railways are aristocratic. They teach
a man to know his own station and stop
there. They are eminently social, too,
being held together by many ties
Almost every man knows more than
| his father until he is forty years old.
Then he drops into the ranks of the ig-
norant and begins to take lessons.
A temperance editor, in drawing atten-
tion to an article against ardent spirits
in one of his papers, says, ''For the EFF
fects Of Intemperance' see our inside
| A Nantucket woman has had wart
taken from her nose by the faith cure. KIf
the faith cure can only keep on and make
| Nantucket woman handsome. it's big
thing
A Mr.. Peterson has written poem tC
say that the more he sees of man the
more he likes his dog. Mr.. Peterson has
evidently been taking a rear view Of 6
departing burglars pants.
A chip of the old block.-Moses Scha
umburg was romping with his younges1
offspring the other day. In order to test
the chid's affection he asked: ssSchacob
vich doesyou love most, me OF your mud
der?" 81 loves you most by 25 per shent.
Elbow fortunate am in meeting rail-
beau in this Storm" said a young lad.
who was caught in shower the othe
day, to her beau of promise who happen
ed along with an umbrella ''And I,
said he gallantly, sam as much rejoice,
as the poor Laplander when he ha
caught rain dear.
''You are very late sending your even
Ing mail out" said an editor to his daugh
ter, when he came home at two in tn
morning, and met a timid, shrinkin,
young man between the front door an,
the gate. ''Not at ALL answered tn
thoughtful girl; ''Charles Henry is nov
morning edition.
A little girl asked her father one da
to taste most delicious apple. Wha
remained was ruefully inspected me
ment, when she asked: s'Do you know
papa, how can tell you are big withou
looking at you?" II cannot say, was th
reply. 81 can tell by the bite you too
out of my APPLE" was the crushin reply
Mother" said little Ned one morning
after having fallen out of bed, ssI thin
| know why | fell out of bed last night
1t was because / slept too near where
got in" Musing a little while, as if i
doubt whether he had given the right ex
planation, he added: ssNo, that WASH
the reason it was because / slept to
near where | fell out