Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-05-18

An exchange wants definition of the
phrase sshopping mad" man we would
say is hopping mad after stepping on the
point of tack.
School Teacher Ito stupid and fat
boy)-You are better fed than taught, or
else am mistaken. Stupid boy-Yes, 1
be, cause I feed myself and you teach me!
"What are you laughing at, my dear?"
asked Mrs. Jones of her husband, who
| was chuckling over his morning paper
''Something saw here" he replied, ''but
| it's hardly funny enough for two"
The emperor of Germany shed tears
| when he kissed Bismarck. If the picture
| of Bismarck correctly represents his face,
| we do not blame the emperor of Germany.
| 1t was enough to make a stronger man
| weep.
''Ma, this newspaper says there are $3.50
Bands of Mercy in this country. What is
| a Band of Mercy?" can association for
| charitable purposes, child" ooh! 1 tho't
| it was a brass band that didn't practice
evenings"
''Say, Sam, did you see de man about
| de house?" ooh! yes, seed him, and
| he glib me de refusal OBJ de house." s'How
| long did he glib me de refusal OBJ hit?'
| 'sForeber. He refused to hab anything
to do wild me-"
Little boy-Please, l want the doctor
to come and see mother Servant-Doc-
tors out. Where do you come from?
Little boy-What! Don't you know me?
Why, we deal with you. We had baby
| from you last week.
| A little boy in Saratoga not long ago
| came rushing in from out Of doors crying
| because he had been stung by bee.
'sMamma," he sobbed, ''Id just as lieves
the bees'd walk on me; but don't like
to have 'em sit down."
| Josh Billings says: If 1 had boy who
| parted his hair in the middle and played
first class game ov lawn tennis, and he
| should get struck with litening, should
feel as tho dispensashun was better juge
ov the boy than l waz.
Ardent lover-I have called, sir, to
ask your permission to pay my addresses
to your daughter. Old gent somewhat
deaf)-Pay for her dresses. Why, GER
tainly. my dear sir Here are the bills.
He gave one glance at them and fed.
'sI wouldn't be so mean as to heap Goals
said Farmer Furrow to his pastor. ''And
pray, what would you do then?" ''Oh,
I'd just throw ashes over the fence on to
his asparagus bed. That would make him
mad enough"
Scene-Sitting room of newly mar
ried couple, who, accompanied by lady
friend are talking of going out for stroll.
Lady Friend-Oh by the by; there's a
button off one Of my boots. Newly mar
ried fair one oh! never mind that,
Charlie will sew it on foryou. He stitch
ed one on for me the other day.
HHere is an advertisement that interests
me a good DEAL" said Mrs. Benton
thoughtfully. 'sWhat is it?" asked her
husband. ''Why it's the advertisement
of 7 per cent net, security guaranteed,
I'm awfully bothered lately about keeping
up my back hair, and I believe I'll call
in and look at it,
care you fond of etchings?" asked the
young man who had taken the hostess
pretty niece from the country down to
supper. GAS general thing, yes,'' she
answered, looking up into his eyes with
an engaging frankness that threatened
havoc to his heart; 'sbut,'' she added
hastily, as he started to say something
''not any tonight, thank you-it is rather
late. A very little of sherbet is all care
/, for"
A young French minister, while preach
ing in chapel in a French hamlet, where
the men sat on one side of the aisle and
the women on the other, was ANNOYED by
the sound of whispering, and paused in
!, his sermon to reproye it. ssYour rever.
ence will observe" iaterposed the prnci-
pal woman present, ''that it comes from
the mems side" $50 much the better
!. madam. 1t will end then, sometime"