Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-04-08
PLEAiSANTESEEg.

PROFESSOR Of Systematic Theology.
you may pass ont to the Future LIFE
Student: "Not prepared .''-BOsfon
Beacon
''LET us remove temptation from
the path of YOUTH" as the frog said
when he plunged into the water upon
seeing a boy pickup a stone
AN English scientist is endeavoring
to produce cats without tails, but f
that scientist wants to benefit the
public hewill find some way to produce
tails without the cats.
AN exchange says: "Good boys are
tidy, orderly, neat and polite" We
may also remark, says father of q
family who writes for the Graphic,
chat they are scarce"
PROBABLY one reason why the cam
els in the Soudan are hard to manage
is because they have all got their backs
up. They are said to be Just hump
ing mad.-BOston Times.
THE report is gaining credence that
FL Mahdi is an Irishman. If this be
true the EngIishmen are finding out
what Irish stew is, with a little dash
| Of capsicum and bitters in it.
TWENTY Paris duelists are organizing
a ''F'lambergo" club, whose members
must have fought at least one duel
Men who have been killed in duels will
not be eligible for neutrality-suspicious.
| ton Post
els your master busy?" asked the
tailor. "No, he is OUT 'But Just
saw him at an upper window" "Wel,
| just asked him for money, and he
l. ~ r
out to-"
Miss ANGELIC-'I suppose you have
been going out a good deal lately, Mr..
McFamish?" Mr. McFamish-F'No |
have only been to one dinner in two
weeks" Miss Angelic-'Dear me! you
must be hungry"
ScENE-Argyle Street, Glasgow, Sat-
urday evening Oficious constable to
English visitor: "Cum, move on
there!" Visitor: "Surely this is a
free country" Constable: '"This is
no TIA kintry; thisis ta toonl"
PASSENGER lat railroad restaurant)
-"Here, waiter, this coffee is cold"
Waiter Coffee cold, sab? Yes, sah
Train only stops five minutes, and if
the coffee was hot de gem um wouldn't
have no time to drink it, sah."
In Ceylon, the promise held out to
women to be good and act pretty is
that in the happy hereafter they will
become men. No wonder the Ceylon
women are not remarkable for sweet
ness of temper.-Through Mail.
"WHY are Greek and Latin called
classic ?" writes Enquirer. Oh,
because they make the classic that
tries to recite them, Of course. Ask us
something where we don't know the
combination.-R0ckZand Courier Ga
zette.
''SEE here, Mr. Spruce" said Mrs.
Spruce to her lord and master, edo
you not know that Woman is heavens
last, best gift to man ?" II do not"
replied the brute 'FBut [ agree with
you this far-if she is the best I'm glad
sheis to be the last.-NashvHIe (Tenn)
World.
THERE is only one perfect baby in
the world, and every woman has it.
And most men will agree that if the
baby is kept q few blocks away, where
it's vocal reservations OF perfect love
illness cannot be heard so plainly-its
claim to be paragon is the less likely
to be disputed.-FaH River ADVANCE
Doctor Eyes, sir, you have symp-
toms of Bright's disease" Patient
"Great Cesar What shall [ do?'
"Stop drinking whisky" ''But I new
er drank a drop Of the stuff, never
touch anything but water" "Well,
perhaps you had better stop drinking
water and try whisky" -Ex.
A BOY Of eight years was asked by
his teacher where the zenith was. He
replied: 'sThe spot in the heavens di-
rectly over ones head" To test this
knowledge further, the teacher asked:
"Can two persons have the same zenith
at the same timer" ''They cam"
"How?" IF one stands on the others
head "-Ex.
'IM dreadfIlly afraid the cholera will
be here this year." said Mr. Guzzle.
"YOu can't catch it, and needn't be
afraid of it, replied his wife. 'tWhy
net, I'd like to know" asked Guzzle
''Why, didn't you tell me when you
were out to see your brother in Illinois
that his farm was full of it?" eyes,
but that was thehog cholera" ''Well,
you didn't take it." = Pittsburg
Chronicle.
ONE day last week, when the engines
were flying down Washington Street in
response to an alarm of fire, a man
who was running was stopped by an
eager citizen in questsof information,
who asked hurriedly ofhim: "What's
a-fre?" To which the other angrily
replied: "What's afre? Why, some
thing in state of combustion, you
fool! Look at your dictionary >
Boston Saturday Evening Gazette.
A FEW days since a wedding break
fast was given by a Observation-Disclosures
blessed with five daughters, the eldest
being the bride, when neighbor, a
young farmer, thinking no doubt he
complimentary upon the event, ad-
dressing the bridegroom, said: s.Well,
you have got the pick of the batch
The countenances of the four unmar-
ried ones, as may be imagined, were a
study.