The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-09-10
Hak WIT AND HUMoR.

to the inventor of soda-water. We sup
pose it will bear representation of the
inventors phiz.-Boston Post.
It is a rule the world over that whore
woman is lovely her Immediate male
concomitants are on the other extreme.
-1homasviIle Goa Enterprise.
Doctor-'.For dinner take forty min
utes."
Timid patient -.Would it be danger
GUS to add piece of meat and some
vegetable? ?"-Jesoish Messenger.
"a scrvant-girl who permits no
familiarity on the part OF tae gentle
man of the house" advertised for !
place in Cincinnati, aud received $50 |
answers in two days-all from ladies. |
A Pittsburg baseball club is called |
the -Four Aces" The other day a
lHtls ninc-spot clnb came along and |
euchercd them. They didn't suppose
it WAS ..in tho cards. ."-Norristoson
Hera,&.
News from London says the demand
for the revised Bible was very disap-
pointing to tho publishers. L 'rhaps u
new novel by Ouida or Nj. la WAS
thrown on the market about thn same
Norristo,0n Herald.
The revisedsversion has it that 's,ll
Is vanity and a striving after wind. 2"
There must have been theatrical mana
gers in those days as we'll rs now,
whose greatest object in life was the
newspaper puff. ."-Peck's San.
- OF the nine great musical composers
of Germany not one of them had faco
@an average mau would like to meet on
lonely road at twilight's solemn
hour. lilo could count on either being
dunned or thumpcd.-A Sour Critics
Opinion.
= s.Is that the crowd going out to the
races. or is it a ratification meetingP"
Neither, stranger; that man walking
50 last in front is u country merchant;
the 700 other fellows you SEQ arc drum
mnrs. They'll get him stranger. -
! C0urier-Journat.
Boarding house mistress-"Poor
little fellow! He has been overcome by
the heat He's so weak I'll have to
carry him to bed" Boarder-''Why
not take this cup of coffee with you?
It's a good deal weaker than the boy
s."-ihiadelphia Call.
2A4s BOSS. hab you got any OBJ dem con-
found cavortic pillsP"
Yes. Do you want them plain or
coate.iP"
.Danno I want dem ones what's
whiic-wa4hed.'
Ho got 'em.-T Teras Sittings.
A Western citizen who had been
worsted in fight was told that iho
could collect damages. 81 did collect
damages" he replied mournfully. 'I
collected everything but piece of my
left ear and two front teeth; couldn't
find those. ."-NeW lor1 Times.
A little boy in town said tho other
day that he had seen all kinds of birds.
giving in his list ''woodpeckers. 1"
"woodchuckers. and dictionaries. I"
liter much questioning it was found
. that he meant by the latter '.Dick-cana-
= ries. ."-LaDrence Mass A'nerican.
The Louisiana Lottery, which sup
q ports ex-Ccnfederate Gems. Beauregard
and Early largely, is called by sensible
Southern papers the Louisiana Los
ings Bank"
The annual income of Vanderbilt is
L about ten tons of solid gold. That of
the average laboring man is about two
pounds, out of which he has to live and
support his family.
There is at least this balm for the
beaten boating boys of Yale. Prcsi.
rulc the leading athletes in college are
the poorest scholars. 1t must seem tc
the Yale men that tho Harvard fellows
can't even read and write.--NeW York
World.
Several cadets at the Naval Academ,
charged with the hcinpus oilense Of
kissing their hands and in various
ways flirting with the pretty girls OF
the steamer" that passed them. are
undergoing an examination. or cours,
they should be court-martialed an,
shot.
A New York cork-merchant who
ought to know better, says: "All ou
i; corks are taken from the bark of the
cork oak" Nonsense. There are moro
corks taken from beer and champagne
bottles in America every year than lie
ever saw taken from all the oaks i'll the
park. Brooklyn Eagle.
DO you know a man by the namo Of
Legion2h inquired Dumlcy OF a friend.
Legion? No. never heard of him. u
s.Jenkins told me last night that
had been called the biggest fool jack.
ass on earth. and when ! demanded the
mans name he said it was Legion. Tn
looking for him. ''-Iack.
held for debt" We shouldn't think il
would be much trouble to hold s
corpse. If some of the live men of thai
city who are in debt to bank deposit
ors could be held long enough IL
prevent them from skipping to Canad;
ttwould be ebetter.-hOrfistOiOn Herald
''There is only one thing that makes
me doubt the truth of the gospel" said
Cross when Ross, who is an earnest de-
votee, was trying to persuade hi.
friend to turn from the error of hi:
ways.
'What is that?" asked Ross.
1.-The apostles were nearly all fisher
men. ."-St. Paul Herald.
T. .'They are making a door with five
! keyholes, said Mrs. Auger. What.
the nse in having so manyP" asked
Mr.. Anger. lit will be much easier te
= unlock. You can lind it much more
easily when You come home late," re
piled the kind lady. ''RubbishI' re-
spouded MIR. Anger. 'Idiocy! Wher
come home late one keyhole is abou
all care 10 find. PUCK.
Florence Marryat says there is tG b.
q race for supremacy between the sexes
and that men will never be inspired
with proper regard for women unit
women sit dawn on them. Taking
these two statements together, it ap
pears to US that the race for supreme
cy, as fan as women are concerned, is
to be made under the rule of the skat-
ing-rinks-viz.. in laps.-Boston Co4
rier.
One day last week, when the engine
were flying down Washington street il
response to an alarm of fire. a ma,
who was running was stopped by al
eager citizen in quest of information
who asked hurriedly of him: What
" a-fireP" To which the other angrily re
piled: whats tireP Why something
In a state of combustion, you fool
Look at your dictionaryr'-Bosto'
Gazette.