davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
The Wisdom Of Josh. Billings. i.

TO learn yure offspring to steal, make
them beg hard for all thai you give
them.
lew remove grease from a mans
karakter, let him strike sum sudden
lie.
Angels handle the dice when doub,
lets and thrown in the cradle.
Tlattery is like colone- water, tew be
smclt ov, not swallered.
II 9 man hain't got a we'll balanced
head like tew SEE him part his hair
in the middle.
There is onl Y one cool substitute for
the endearments ov a sister, and that
il the endearmcnts cv some other phel-
| lows lister.
Picty IL like beans; it seems to 90
the best on poor sle.
Going to law, il like skinning new
milk COW for her hide, and giving the
beef tew the lawyers.
About the hardest thing fellow can
do IL tew spark tew girls at onst and
preserve a good average.
| had rather undertake tew be two
good doves than one decent sarphent.
A good wife is a sweet smile from
Heaven.
A lie il like a kat-it never Gums
tew yew in straight line.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03

BALTIC. g. G. V. RAILROAD.
Trains leave Edgcmont for Wuyne"horo,
Chambcrsbarg and Shippcusburg daily cx-
ceIt Sunday at 7.37 and 11.40 A. NJ and 730
p. NJ. on Sunday at II. III. and--P. NJ
Trains for Edgcmont leave daily Shippcns-
burg at G,52 A. NJ. and .35 and 4 40 p, NJ,
Chambersburg at 7,25 A. Il :, 10 and 5.l5
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
Russian Proverbs,

Velvety, but with a sting.
Every fox takes care of its tail.
One cannot hide a bradawl in h'G
A present is cheap, but love is de-,
Trust in God, but mind your bv2.'
ness,
Truth is straight but judges sTo
crooked.
Your elbow is near, but you can
bite it.
Honey is on his tongue and ice unoa7
it.
An untried friend is like an IN
cracked nut.
When money speaks the truth keara
silent.
There is no family withouta deforra
ed member.
Don't blame the looking glass # yea;
face is ugly.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
Rev. Sam Jones' Sayings.

If had a creed Ia sell it to Il mus-
cum.
One sin cuts the soul adrift from
God.
What's culture worth if it's nothing
but whitcwash on a rascal?
I'd rather be in Heaven learning my
A B C's than in hell reading Greek.
I have a little taste for theology and
botany, but | love religion and flowers.
] can't bribc Gods grand jury nor
defy the Courts that tries me the last
day.
II have doubts" says one. You just
quit your meanness, and you will quit
your doubling.
ia man hasn't enough religion to
pray in his family, he hasn't got enough
to save his soul with.
God have mercy on man who pro-
fesses to be a Christian and has not got
it from head to foot.
BE honest and pay your debts. There
are too many men in the church board
ing with their wives.
I've seen men not afraid to die, but
| never saw man that was not afraid
of the Judgment of God.
Everybody ought to keep good COM
pany.
It's not so much when any man joins
the church. It's all right, just so he
sticks up to it. Twelve years ago |
consecrated myself to God, and since
that time have never had an invitation
to a ball.
A mans hates and his likes deter
mine character; mans atfinitles de-
termine what he is and who he is.
If you are ready to say to night;
"I've done, I've quit then you are
right where God can put His hand on
you.
| had rather associate with a dog
than profane swearer. I say things
that sound strangely, but I've weighed
them.
If you want to know where all the
gratitude of my heart centres to-day, |
will tell you. | 60 back to that Au-
gust day when | got Christ
Religion is reality with me, as much
SO as the fact that I've got four fingers
ON each hand. IJcleve is the ground
on which I stand.
What is Judgment? 1t is the equita-
bic adjustment of all issues. What is it
in the ecclesiastical sense? 1t is the
final session of the Church in Heaven
If you will Jet me I would cut loose
the last ligament that bands you to sin
and let you swim out into the bottom
less ocean of God love.
Perhaps if you do not talk of your re-
ligion, it is because you have no rellg-
ion to talk about. Folks with i'll
health don't go around Dragging on
their physician.
would not take the record of some
people who hear my voice to-day, and
90 to the Judgment of Christ for all the
universe of God, and goodness knows
I am poor enough.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03

bird in the forest which never builds a
nest, but lays its eggs in the nest Of
other birds. Can the boys tell what
that is? Do they know that hop vine
always winds with the sun, but bean
vine always winds the other way? Do
they know that when a horse crops
grass he eats back towards him.: but a
COW eats outward from her, because she
has no teeth upon her upper jaw and
has to gum it.-Chatter box.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03

Little Girl Gin grocery store)-'E*
yer got emmy cheese
Grocer-'Oh, yes, plenty Of it,
Little Girl-'It's the same kind i
yer had las week 2
Grocer-'Yes, exactly the same. :.
warrant it to be of the same lot
How much will you have {?
Little Girl-'Not emmy. Me mv
der sed not to buy emmy unless yor
got that old stock worded off.'-N, I
Sun.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
Mechancsvn Frederick County, Maryland, Thursday Dec g. 1885,

Mr.. Belden, upon his return from his
office You are not going away so
soon, are you?
MIR. Belden, I must thank you for
the pleasure this evening has afforded
me. l would like to remain longer, but
business calls me away. As it is near
train time shall be obliged to bid you
goodbye, and trust | shall see both
you and your charming daughter be-
fore great while.
Remember, Mr.. Clifford, we will al
ways give you % hearty welcome when
ever you are in the city, and desire to
CALL remarked Mr.. Belden as he bid his
young friend goodbye.
4 wish you " safe journey home,
said Marie, as she gave him parting
look.
Upon Mr.. Belden's and Marie's re-
turn to the parlor, her father said:
Marie, Cloyce is not such bug bear
after all.
No, indeed, papa; I think he is
splendid; and what pretty name he
hasl'
Well little one, Tn glad you like
him. 1t is late now, and you had bet
ter retire to your room. BE up bright
and early in the morning, for only a
few more days of study, then you will
be free from school duties and ready
for the harder trials Of life. Kiss me
good night, and remember how your
father loves you.
Goodnight, papa sud Marie, and
away she Went to her room to dream Of
her prince.
The night for the exercises proved to
be almost perfect. The stage upon
which We're seated the fair young grad
yates and their teachers was beautifully
decorated with flowers. The orchestra
played exquisite music, and the girls
looked radiant as they came upon the
stage, each and every one dressed ele-
gantlv. There was no one who shone
brighter than Marie. She stepped out
to read her essay with charming grace
and a happy smile on her face. Her
eyes wandered over the audience, and
at last they rested on the object of her
search-Mr. Clifford, her prince.
Her face flushed, but she read fairly,
holding the large audience spellbound
until she had finished and taken her
seat, when she was loudly app!auded.
Beautiful flowers were carried to her,
among which was shoe, made from
| the choicest Of flowers. On the inside
Of the shoe was IA box containing Il di
amond ring and the following noe:
MY DEAR CINDERELLA :--Accept
this token of my love, and wear it for
the sake Of one who wishes to claim
you for his own for ever. | will call
for you at the close of the exercises.
Your PRINCE"
'Tis needless to say That Marie was
happy as she put the ring Oh her flu
ger, declaring it should remain there
for ever.
At the close of the exercises the girls
collected around Marie, and, upon dis
covering the ring on her finger and the
prince by her side. the tale was told.-
knowing glances were passed from one
to the other, and it was whispered that,
before next autumn, Marie would be a
happy bride.
They all congratulated her, and bade
each other good bye, and parted.
After Marie's return home, and
Cloyce Clifford had gained the consent
of her father to claim the fair girl as
his bride, she looked up into the face
of her lover with a mischievous smile,
and said:
All my happiness comes from losing
kid boot with dangerous French
| heel
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
FOo.E for ThOugllt..

FOOHf IOP 1 MOuSA AAtS~
Lame excuses carry the crutches Of
plausibility.
Why use two names? 1sn'ta tuning
fork a pitch fork.
How to overcome sorrow-strike one
Of your own signs.
Brevity is the soul of wit, So don't
eat cucumbers-theyll weep.
Tomorrow Is the day on which lazy
folks =" k and fools reform.
Th foundation of domestic happi.
ness is faith in the virtue Of woman.
When the blood burns, how prodigal
the soul lends the tongue vows.
Blessed is the woman who never SAYS
to her husband, 81 told you so.'
Home without q mother is a place
where the rattan is substituted for %
No 3. slipper.
A straight line is the shortest in
morals as we'll as in mathematics.
Let us be happy. We can always
find somebody worse off than ourselves
Do your business promptly, and bore
not Il business man with long visits.
Many people find their own happi-
ness in forcing themselves to be unhap-
py.
Continual. takers may find prece-
dent in BaIaam's travelling companion.
A wife who has her own will may
one day find fault with her husbands.
If religion has done nothing for your
tempers, it has done nothing tor your
souls.
We should have no faith in the re-
ligion or literature which groans over
the world.
Wisdom prepares for the worst but
folly prepares the worst for the day
when it comes.
False ideas may be refused by argu-
ment, but by true ideas alone are they
expelled.
Adhere so firmly to the truth that
your yea shall be yea and your nay
shall be nay.
All the fine clothes that tailor's
goose ever hatcheu out won't make
gentleman.
The suLlimity of wisdom is to do
those things living which are to be de.
sired when dying.
If our religion is not true, we are
bound to change it; if it is true, we
are bound to propagate it.
l look upon death to he as necessa~
ry to our constitution as sleep. We
shall rise refreshed in the morning.
To be wise is to feel that all that i"
earthly is transient and to experience
misfortune is to become wise.
No man ever regretted that he wa
virtuous and honest IN his youth, an
kept aloof from idle companions.
Happiness consists in occupation G
mind. Small minds require to be oc
cupied by affairs. Great minds can oe
cupy themselves.
Do you know that a wise and gooC
man does nothing for appearance br
everything for the sake Of having acte .
we'll?
The moment we feel angry in col
troversy we have already ceased striv,
ing for truth, and begin striving f:
ourselves.
I long for turkey,
Well done in greece,
My stomach's murky,
Give me q piece!
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03
"A CARD.
DIR. HIRAM BUHRMAN,

DR.. HIRAM BUHRMAN,
plysici?n and surgeon, takes pleasure in an
nouncing to the citizens of Mechanicstown
and vicinity that he has located hHre in The
prnctIce of medicine. For the present he
may be found at
THE GILBERT HOUSE,
he secures an office or a.trcsldencc for
and family.
\uld further add that he has con,e 10
hopes by strict and upright deport-
|erit the confidence and support of
public.
Catoctin clarion., 1885-12-03

There are many men who are not
happy unless they are miserable.
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12

again without another Zee to the doctor.
Ii he has not absolute ownership IN the
recipe hc bought and paid Tor he may,
at least, regard himself vs. entitled to q
copy iroc of turthCr charge Indeed IL
would not be an cytravAgGut demand Ii
he were to insist upon the physician Civ.
ing him duplicate prescriptions,
one to be retained 10y the drug
giSt and one Ly himself, or, he might
require the compoundrr of medicines to
give him certified copy, if he is satisii, Il
with nothing less than the oli ,inai him.
self. Druggists aud physicians are i'm.
pOrtant members OF the community. but
the people who support them are already
heavily taxed, and should see to it that
unawares. Ii is time for the sick man to
assert himself
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
DIR. H1IR'S
Asthma Cure.

This Invaluable specific readily and perma
nontly cures all klnrs nf Asthma. The most
uDstmato tnd long sti ndinS cases yiod prompt
" to it, wonderful u..rnIE properties. Ii Is
known throughout tho world tor its unriraleJ
efficacy.
j. h. CALDWELL, city of Lincoln, Neb., wri,es,
Jan. -, lost: Since using DR.. Hair ASCh II !
cure, TOR more than one year, my VITO has been
entnCly well, and not even symptom OF tho
d.scH o has appeared.
WILLIAM BENN KIT Richland, Iowa, writes,
Nov. I'd, las: / hilyO been afflicted with Hay
l Uvor and Asthma since 1859. | followed your
On ections and am hnppy 10 say that never
among the many who can speak 80 favorably or
our1rCInedics. -.
yaiuablo "a page treatise containing sinilhi
TroOf from every state in the u. s., Canada ana
Great Britain. will be mailed upon application
ANY druggist not having it in STOCK will pro-
IL,
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
A-----SSs---ssEA
WILD0R'S COMPOUND OF u
PURE COD LIVER |
l. OIL AND LIME. !
Wlbor's cod.Liycr Oil ard Lime. Per.

Wlibor'S Cod-lYcr OIL ard Lime. Per.
g Nns who hive bc ~ uSin~ COD ycr oil will be
leased 10 learn Il NJ Tr Wbor nas succeeded,
iron directions OF several u 'ofessicnaI gentle
men in combining the pure o a u limo i'm such
lnnCr.t at II i vi alsRnt to the taste. and its
Fl ITS i'm i'm -comTl intS II @ truly wonderful;
\, ry many 10 sons whose Cnsos were ronOun-
ced hypccSS and who had take the c,a o for
a long time witIOut marie effect. have .,ccn on
tirely curoi by using this preparation. he re
nj got the genuine Manufactured On" 90 B
Wilbor, Chemh t, BOStor. Sold 10y all Il u q 'ts
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
Questions Answcred!!!t
.nnst rmlnnnt n'lNaiclnn

ASK the most eminent physician
OF any school, what Is The best thing In the
world for alaying all irritation of the nerves
and curing all forius OF nervous complaints,
giving natural, clildiko refreshing sleep al
wayS2
And thay will tell you unhosltatins
"SoMG form of llOpS!!!'
CWAprERL L.
Ask any or all OF the most eminent physl-
clans:
lied on to cure all diseases of the kidneys and
urinary organs Bright'S diseases diabetes,
retcutiOn, or inability tn retain urine, aud all
the diseases and ailments peculiar TO
Women"
And they viii te,l you explicitly aud em-
phatically "BuChullW
Ask the same physicians
What is the most reliable and su,cst euro
for | liver diseases or dyspepsia, COnstirl-
tion, indigestion, hiiUtlsness, lia ARA, fever,
ague, &C. aud they Will tell, you
Mandnke. or DlndeliOn!!ll
Hence. when those remedies are combined
with Other cluuny Aunhlc.
And com .oun, oI mo Hon Btors, such a
wonderful aud my 'tcri nus ruiye power Is de-
VclOpc |, wniCu i 50 vnrcd ~ i,s operations
thNt no disoGsc or Ill health can possibly exist
or rreesi its power. mi yoti Is
Harmless fer the IN St fruil woman, weakest
| invalid or smallest Iild T. use.
CHAPTER II.
"Almos, dead or nearly dyng"
For years, and given up by physicians. ot
Brghts and other kidney dis ,aIes, liver CON
! ANTS, severe coughs, called consumption,
( Eav been cured.
Women gone nearly Crazyl!!N
From agony of neuralgia. nervousness,
wakCfulnC1s, and various diseases peculiar
to women.
/ People drawn out of shape from cNCru"intin~
pnnpS of rho .imutsm, i'll nmmuoty and
uhrC mic. or suffering from SCI Ofulu,
Erysp Olus!
" nItrhcum, blood POISONING. dvsronsin, ndi-
&c tion, and, IN tnCt, almost all diSeas cs trail
Nature il hom to
| HnVC cured hy Hon lllttpra. prOOf pt
| which can hc found in every neighbour Sod in
| the known world.
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
CHAPTER II.
"pa,'cnts"
"Almost aonl or nen,lY INing,
Prosecute the Swindlcr,.'

TFVNVEltIV z IIIV oNVIIIIIIVT1s
II when you call for Hop liitters, tSee ureer
cluster of Hops ON the white label the iru -ri-t
lands out any Otncr stun called e. ID Wurncr :
German Hop Bitters or with other Hop lame,
refuse II ana Shun that druggist us yO'l wo lli u
viper. ana IL he has taken your money for tho
stun lndiCt him for the fraud and sue hi for
he llutre = for the Swindlo and we wll reward
on lbcrull for the conviction
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12

ASK the iuost eminent physician
OF any school what Is the best thing in the
world for allaying all irritation of the nerves
and curing all forins Of nervous complaints,
giving natural, Childlk0 refreshing sleep al
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12

wen, crleu Sne, Saliy; IT was luck
that | laid my head back"
"Oh, you We ears said he. "As for me-
lheard nothing"
Ono day, two days passed. For six
days they had been Ht the bottom. The
water, stopped mt their knees, neither
rose nor fcII; and their legs seemed to be
parnlyZcd in this icy bath. For an hour
they could easily draw them out; but the
position became 50 inconypmirnt, that
they were taken with frigntful cramps
and obliged to put their heels down
again. Every ten minutes, with sprain
OF the lOns, they rcnountrd the slippery
rock, The fractures OF coal pierced their
backs, aud they had, ut the nape OF the
neck. constant and intense pain from
keeping always brnt To avoid knocking
their heads against the roof.
And the suIOcatiun increased. The air,
driven back 10y the water, was com
pressed into the kind of bell IN which
they found themselves enclosed Their
V0.ces, MI IL II a)ptlrad to GDne from
altar. BlzhinS in the ear com nanCel,
they heard the sharp ringing OF the toe
sin, the galloping OF n herd under I'm un-
ceHsing shower OF hail.
But soon these violent crises passed OF.
Hunger became only Il deep, dumb pain,
the sw0oning away, ~ it were, slow and
steady, of their faculties, mental aud
physical.
Without doubt they would have sue
cumbed If they had not had water, as
much OF it MS they wanted. They simply
stopped and drank it from the hollow of
the hand, and that twenty times oNer,
burning rs they were VITA such thirst
that all this water seemed unable to
quench.
For nine days they had been working
10 deliver them, aud they heard tor the
first time the steps in the gallery, Bnen
shock threw them on the ground. They
threw themselves into each OtAvr's arms,
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12

Fam n native Of England, and while was In
tint couhtry / ttn rnc I'D "A torrIhle bloOd
30, son, anu tOr two q, rs WIS un..or troutmOnt
.e an out door patient NJ NoGinS nam HOsut Il.
EnRsh nj, hut was MT @ red ] suffered tue
p'osl hgonZing u ns in my bones. and was cOy-
ercd with surUs al over my body and limhS.
Finally conpletclY lost all hope IN tnnt cuun.
try. AMI srIl Tor America, aui was treatc at
hH sSvoit III lis city, as well ms by II prumincnt
physcsnn In New York huving no connection
with the hospiIa as.,
I'll saw the Wiyo, tscmtnt OF Swft's Specific
hnd Idetormned 10 give ii a ui.l. ] took six
bottles and can my with ErGat JOY that they
have nuIrd entirely. ! am rs sound nnd
leeil ia ever wns IN my life.
4 l., FIRED HALFoRD.
| \ Now York City. Juno Eth, lSo5.
In March of Inst ycur lsS4 | contracted blood
poison nud LONG III savanna Gu,, ut tnc time.
went iutO thu hOspi, al there Tor tip.tment.
uLe,oL vcly much from rheumatism AZ tho
same lime. Gid not LGt well unGer the troul-
n Dnt there, nor WAS cured by amy of the nj
means, nitvu now taken seven loltes. of
" S%Uts Spetihc and am sound aud well. 1t
dove the poison uut through lo.ls ON he skin
Dan LEAHY
Jersey City. n. J., Aug. 7. IsS5.
- Treatise ON blood and Skin Diseases mailed
frVe!
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., Drnwer 3, Atun "a
NGa- N. V, i5I W, 2jd St
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
Postomce Changes.

-
the week ending November Z, 1885, fur
nishcd by William,Nan Nleck of the post
Office departments; ,.,. ...
Postmasters Appointed-Bennet, Ian
caster county, Cnarlcs W. Helil..y; Gala
mus, Valley county, Robert b Miller;
Genwood, Nance county William F.
Prowett Homervill., Gosprr couI ty,
George f. Dunn; HoSkins, Wayne county,
j. w. Powell; Johnstown, Brown county,
Joseph Ill. Ayers; Lodge Polc, Cheyenne
county, John 4. Crane; Martinsourgh
Cloud, Webster county, ALVIN 5. Marsl;
Rdgeley, Dodge county, Herman L..
ShomSher.
Discontinued -Tekousha, Nance county.
IOWA.
Postoilice changes during the week
ending November, Z 1862
Established Gainford, Mahaska
county, John w; Cochran, p.ostmast,,r.
Postmastcrs App, teG-Alden, Har-
del county, j. a. button; Anniev.iie,
Clay county, Adolph SeiLlc; Brush
Creek, Fayette county, M. Shumway;
Cambria, Wayne county, NJ. q. Rat
clihc; Cantril, V nBur II county, w. A.
Jones; Cedar Blut, Cedar county, j. g..
Fink; Colo, Story county, John k. Nc
Coy; Confidence, Wayne county, A. w.
Robertson; Creamery. CHrro Gordo
county, SOtHciluS - huSHcii' faoI Eih-
port, Clayton county, Conrad Schroepi;
Flaglcrs, Marion county, George Is. Nail;
Floyds, Floyd county,, solomon A.
Quinby; Gilbert, Scott County, Jacob
C""ries t;"'.Ii ", West; Grand Grand junction, Junction,
Greene county, Stephen &. Maynard;
Hamilton. Marion county, b. +; stone,
Hansrll, Franklin count VIM. T..
Tucker; Hazleton, Buchanan cou ty;
l'tttt 4 ,,,.l,
james 5 Gchan; Horton, Brem n county,
.. G.. ii arlington; Ionia, Chiokasaw
county, John halen; Iowa Center, story
county, Misniu l.. Slc.don, lrvngton,
kOssuth county, kInslay Carbon; Kamrar,
Hamilton county, Joseph ii. Adams, kel.
lerton, Ringgold county. / h. SIN tn;
kcokuk. Lee county. Patrick Gibbons;
Laurel, Marshall county, j. &. Rusfer;
Lime Spring. Howarl county, l.. Me
Nally: Little Cedar, Mitchell county, Les.
ter Conrad; LiyGrmoFc, humboldt coun'
ty Will BrIckett, Luxembnrgh, Dubuque
county, Nicholas Andre; Mtynart, Fay
cite county Il. l.. Payne; Mount Vcrlon,
Linn county r. S. Rrokaw, Oakland
Mi is, Henry county, Rob ri \. l'ierSon;
Ochcycdon, O5ccola county, Az Randall;
Peru, Mad son county Bcnoni X: Ran
kin; PleaStnton, Dtcat II county, W. w
Reese: Plot Grove, L'c county, w, ID.
"'S s. onss,l N' E}l ID F. En- SE"9'S S,t County, I
Paul 5. Bogh; Bs ,ster, C'dar GGepnty,
county, $. 5, Swiztr; SAlx, Woodb lry
county, t M Corr; Truro, Madison
county, George Patten; Van Vert, Dcca-
tur county, JohlG GiuDett; Viola, Linn
county, Francis VI. Franklin; Wancoma,
Lee co lnty, WilIag, Johnston; Williams
town, Ch ckas twftStinty, IA, NJ. Bailey
Wolisburs, Grundy county, George
Wells, =.
Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-12
The Owner OF a. Physicians Prescrip-
| :1fIDn

indianapolis Journals The druggists
and physicians Of Sc Louis IRE quarrel
ing among th imsclycs over the question
whether II prescription given 10 patient
belongs to the writer or 10 the man who
compounds it, The estimablG gentlemen
are agreed upon on J one point, namely,
that tine unfortunate person who origin
ally paid one or more dollars for the bit
OF paper has no rights in the premises
which they are bound TO respect. Some
physicians ignore any other ownership
than their own S. far rs TO have printed
upon their blanks line reading "lh :
prescription is not to be rclilcd nor II
copy of it given without the consent OF
the physician prescribing" II might
add general inter st to this controversy
ii the patients WAC foot tn, bills in any
ease were to taks II decided stand for
what they may not unreaaonaDly con
slider their Fights When one has paid 81
for the prtscrip pton, and 81 for the drugs
dnsjEn1t II tI'rain he will naturally fe1l
Ike rut 'r ruglt "r f..,t ~ irr ne rninS II
the .'f"lH - ~ us.Dss tH1 so.as iosma.t