Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1885-03-11
HC.NOROCS.

MRS. YsEuLr DUDLEY will oblige
many voters by kindly shooting her
front name Philadelphia Press.
AN exchange tells how to prepare
Tartar meal The first thing necessa-
ry is to catch a TARTAR Exchange.
GAMMA, what must you do. before
everything else, to have your SINS tor
given?' Commit the sins. - The
Eye.
WHEN o woman turns pale with
fright can she be said to put on u ter
ror caught her hue?- Attleboro Ad-
vOcate.
"SLEEP on pillow sham is not apt
to be real,' observes n philosopher.
No, not if your wife catches you at it.
II New York Journal.
your new teacher is IL real spruce
looking little woman, .Johnnie.' She
ought to be. She chews gum bout all
the time. - Burlington Free Press.
"THEM stocks,' said the honest
granger, 'seem q good deal like dried
apples--the more water they put IN
them the WIS they swell Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
Ir is now charged that women placed
the Internal machine which blew up
the Parliament buildings. Women do
q great deal OF the blowing up III this
world Oil City Blizzard.
ACCORDING to a recent lecturer IN
Boston the resources OF Alaskh are
gold, silver, seaI-skins and Goldfish.
Evidently it furnishes all the requisites
for artist tocracy.-C Chicago Inter
Ocean.
SWIFT wrote: There never appear
more than five or six men OF genius IN
an age' "Now you understand,
said Brown, "why am so sad. Soil.
tude will be the death OF me, | fears
Even solitude,' observed F'og2,
"has it's compensations."
A MORMON editor, in q recent issue
of his paper, says: "Ihe unknown
woman who was killed at this place
about three months ago by the cars
proves to be one of the wives Of the
editor of this paper" A new count
appears to have revealed the fact.
WE read of q man dying as he was
shoveling snow off the sidewalk, but we
never heard of g. woman dying under
such circumstances. The moral Ii oD-
vious, and every woman VINO loves
| her husband and would shield MN
from danger will promptly heed 1t
Howell Times.
FIRST undergraduate (readlng, QUIT
Will this do, Gus? ''Mr. smith pre-
sents his compliments to Mr.. Jones'
! and finds that he has d cap which lsn
mine. So, if you have II cap which
isn't his, no doubt they are the ones
Second undergraduate-Oh, yes-trst-
rate Punch.
THE roadmaster OF a Connecticut
railroad inspects the roadbed and de
tects any irregularities in the track
while riding on q yelocipede at the rate
of twenty miles an hour. Every time
he takes q header into the next county
he knows their is defect in the track
-fBoston Globe.
WHAT a variety of amusernents this
big country presents, anyhow; lou
can amuse yourself among palms at
the Exhibition Palace at New Orleans
or you can wabble around on snow
shoes at the Ice Palace at Montreal.
For railroad fares see small bills
IDetroit Free Press.
/ "WHERE did you get this French BIZ
bIee'' asked Smith, taking up Il book
from Blacks table. Black French
Bible. haven't got any French BIZ
BILE. The only Bible have is the one
you have in your hand Had 1t ever
since I WAS married" Smith lhoid-
ing up the bookl-"Wbat do you call
that but French2'' BIack-"By gra-
cious! 80 it is, Funny l never found
that out before.''
/ Or the eastern side of the Senate
chamber. in a niche, stands. statue
of John Hancock. 4 few days ago
member OF Congress who has seen some
service in public lifeexam1ned the Han
cock statue, and, turning to a person
standing few feet distant, he remark
ed: taThat doesn't look a bit like
Gen. Hancock. - Washington Star
THE Thought reader placed his
hand on the mans head, withdrew 1t
and struck him fearful blow On the
) Uose. When the man got out from
+ under the chair and asked the reader
what he hit him for he replied: Just
! as placed my hand on your head you
!. thought / was d-dfool: and~1 don't
: / allow any man TO think that, no nassss
: | ter II he's as big a. a house.