Morning journal and courier., 1885-07-03
 BELOW ZERO.

Washington's monument does not rise UT so high above earth as the country postmas ter's spirits sink below zero.-Fan Rivel Herald.
 A Texas judge fined man for calling hin 8 liar while court was in session. The judge in explaining to the mans friends said: q know that I am 8 liar, but not while court is in session, gentlemen. ."-Arkansaw Travel CT.
 "Are you papa's boy?" ''Yes, sir" "Art you mammals boya' tYes, sir" s'But how can you be papas boy and mammals boy al the same timeG" (After pausel-"Can't a nice carriage have two horsess'-Chicagc Sun.
 ''To illustrate" said the professor, 'swe will take some simple, semi transparent ar ticle-anything of that nature; take some thing translucent, MT. Zany" ''Thank you, replied the student, ''since you insist upoa it I will. l."-Brooklyn Eagle.
 The line between friendly neighbors' prem ises is so narrow it can't be seen, while that between unfriendly neighbors is sometimes several feet wide, as will be observed when the women of the latter sweep the snow of their pavements. State Journal.
 The bride wears white gloves and the groom tan color at an evening party. The bridegroom does not wear anything but a clove in his mouth and look of innocence
  lar, where he has been communing with him. self.-Fan River Advance.
 ''That's the way every day!" angrily ex- claimed man as he boarded 8 o'clock Walnut Hill car with his wife. f'What's thata" she inquired. E'Why, the cars are always full about going-hom time" "Just like the men," she replied sweetly, and he grabbed strap, stepped on an old woman's toes and remained silent.-Merchant Tray eler.
 A we'll known conductor was summoned tc appear before the superintendent. "Cap- tain,' said the high official, Eve appreciate your services''-"Tha you, sir" ''Not at all, I assure you. Yes, we appreciate your services, but has it ever occurred to you that we would like to have some of the money that your train earnsa As long as you only took half we said nothing, and even when you began to take two-thirds there was only slight difference of opinion in the board of directors, but now that you have begun to take all, we cannot stand it. Times are too hard, captain. Good-by. ."-Arkan- saw Traveller.
 Almost Fatal Mistake-In an Arkansas town several nights ago, mob led by desperate man, marched to the jail, dragged murderer from cell and hurried with him to the outskirts of the town. Each man wore an expression of determination-fea- lures hardened by awful resolve The pris- oner attempted to speak, to beg for his life, but burly hands closed around his throat and the prayer he would have uttered went out in an inarticuRate gurgle. When the infuri- ated men reached a large oak they halted. One of them threw a rope over a limb. "Gentlemen," said the prisoner, ''please give me chance to say word" t'Be quick about it," someone shouted. 'Gen- tlemen, admit that the evidence is against me, but as truly as we stand here I killed that man in self-defence." ''Killed what mans' was asked. 'Bill Bottleford. ''Say, you ain't the man that killed Bottleford, are you?" s'Yes, unfortunately, am the man. J Men," shouted the leader, i've have come in one of making 8 terrible mistake" Then turning to the prisoner the leader added: ''We thought, sir, that you were the man that stole Nat Boyd's fish trap. Hop down offen the box. You are free. ."-Arkansaw Traveller.