Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-05-21

CGgent Reasons Why the Two Cannot
Get Along Together.

!
formation which came all the way from
the Soudan to this country by cable was
the statement that the British infantry
IN retiring from Gubat upon Abu-kiea
preferred walking to camel-riding.
ihls information is not surprising.
Take genuine Tommy Atkins, who
has probably never been across any
thing but highly-tamed donkey on
Hampstead Heath, and put him outside
the hump of healthy camel, and he
will undoubtedly echo the words OF the
.cablegram- prefers walking to cam
el-riding. On the contrary, there is
much suffering for the unsophisticated.
The camel has by some poetical indi-
vidual been dubbed the ''ship of the
desert" In that particular case the
builder most decidedly builded better
than he knew. OF course riding upon
a camel will not give anybody sea-sick-
ness, but it is only because of the alb
sence of the sea. All the other ele-
ments necessary to mal-de-mer are
present in camei-riding. The exercise
may be an eXercitant physically, but it
scarcely produces the calm which is
supposed to sleep upon the pool of
| Bethesda.
The process of riding a camel pro-
duces grievous and sundry yexations
even for expert equestrians. In the
| first place, the animal must be COM
PEELED to lie down. He is provided
with peg in his nose, the peg is at
tachea to string, and when the string
is pulled he is supposed to go down
upon his Bonded knees. lie does not
| 90 down, however, without a protest.
On the contrary, he snarls in sounds
that can be heard half mile off; if
| there is anybody within biteable dis
tance he will bite; and if there is any,
thing Objectionable to him within reach
of his gaunt, sprawly hind-legs he will
| kick out with an earnestnesS worthy of
a better cause. The bite of Mr.. Camel
is nothing to be trifed with. His jaws
| have horizontal action, working from
| side to side, and the lower maXillary
| churns above the upper maxillary with
a grit and grind that would make any
! person with delicate nerves SILVER with
| the devotion OF an aspen to its peculiar
| business of shivering, Not once nor
| twice, but often has the camel lifted
! off at one fell bite the Uranium of some
| Arab or Hindoo who had reposed so
much confidence in his good intentions
as to stand beneath his nostriIs and
smoke villanously strong tobacco
AS for the kick of the camel, it is
what might be described in a certain
yernacular as ''holy terror" AS far
reaching as a sheriff's warrant, it has
at the same time the force of a Krupp
cannon. When an excited billiardist
whirls around cue with which to an
initiate the man who has just beaten
him, the cue resembles the cancels
kicking leg. 1t gyrates, it seems to
| flash, and then it floors most absolutely.
In Arabia there is a legend that the
camel of the Prophet lifted one of its
| legs with such effect that a wicked GEN
| tleman was summarily imbedded in a
rock exactly five miles away from the
spot where the camel performed his
saltatory feat Whether or not the
camel knows his powers, his kicking
possibilities are greater than those of a
| disgruntled politician. His kick has
| far-reaching, corkscreWical effect
which is difficult to describe. With it's
old-fashioned, sponge foot a camel can
| knock even the cheek off Ninth Ward
politician, for even triple brass cannot
avail against its intensity of applica-
| ton.
There is one thing pleasant about the
camel. That is the lustre of his eye.
Juno was called the ''oX-eyed' from
| the rich resemblances of her eyes to
those of a placid cow, but richer in
subdued lustre than the eyes of the OK
or the gazelle is the eve of the camel
Ia1o 4 ~ i
optic described by Longfellow and
plainly hangs out the signal of ''be-
| ware" Gazing into the eve of camel
is like looking down into the depths of
clear well-dark, glittering, profound,
and containing light which gradually
fades away into ineffable dark-brown
shadows. Nevertheless, the romance
is taken out of the beautiful, mild eye
of the camel by the knowledge that
there skulks beneath it bite of terri
BILE proportions and behind it a kick
that would seem to make dynamite
supertluous luxury of civilization.
AS for the ''ship of the desert being
all that fancy paints it, the experience
of Tommy Atkins in the Soudan ex-
presses just about the truth of the
matter. First rock forward, then q
jolt backward, and suddenly catch
up in the middle, which makes the ver-
tebra culver like blanc mango in the
hands of careless waiter, are just
about the general characteristics of
camel-riding. Attached to all this
there gre physical pains which, to use
the singularly expressive language of
the cablegrams permitted to be dissem-
mated by Gen. Lord Wolseley, make
the British troops prefer walking to
camel-riding." An experienced mahout
upon the neck of a Jungle elephant
in the ravines of Kinchuniunga could
not possibly be a more deplorabIe
wreck of humanity than an English in
fantry soldier perched with all his &C
coutrements upon the back of a Sou
dan camel. To him an equinoctial
storm in the Mediterranean would, in
comparison, be pleasurable expert
ence; he would probably prefer an
earthquake, volcano, a thunderbolt,