The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-03-26

A BAD jury in lswsuit-perlury.
The latest returns--husband getting
home from tho club.
| OoLD is itself great contractor, but
anybody can contract q cold
A MAN is called confirmed liar when
nothing that he says is confirmed.
A CRoroN milkman is named Kalliks.
He makes first-class morning rapper-
The earliest stable government
was that of the Roman Emperor who
made his horse a consul.
The difference between fute-player
and bartender is that one blows the
notes and the other knows the bloats.
"MY son. why is it that you are al
ways behind with yourssstudies?" BE
cause, if was not behind them, i could
not pursue them"
A PROMINENT lumberman has had his
coat-of-arms painted on the panels OF
his carriage, with the Latin MOTE
"Vid ;" which by Interpretation Is Il
saw"
| A SWEDISH scientist claims to have
discovered method OF extracting al
cohol from sea water. As Shakespeare
says, he intends to call spirits from the
vastly deep.
WHEY a young couple west of the
Rocky Mountains run away and get
married, the sporting journalist alludes
to it in big headline letters as "the
Pacific slope"
SOME one says: mo thoroughly oc-
cupied man was ever miserable" We
don't know about that. A flea up the
trousers-leg can keep man very busy
and very miserable.
DIR. RICHARDSON, of England, says
that when the air is dryest the drinker
Graves alcohol the most" This may be
the case in England, but in this coun-
try it is when the drinker is dryest
that he Graves alcohol the most.
"WHosis that man applauding so'vo-
ciferously near the front?" asked a
friend OF theatrical manager on the
first production of a play III an up
town theater. THAT long-haired man
with a light-colored coat?" Yes"
"He-he's the author of the play
Neac York Commercial Advertiser.
"PAPA, DEAR" lisped Sewickley
belle, "do you know there is one place
in an Eastern state that l am con-
stantly envying?" "And what attract
i've spot is that. my daughter?" Its
Elizabeth" responded the ingenious
maiden. Explain yourself, my child.
Ny Greek education was sadly neg
lec:ed." well, papa, Elizabeth ought
to be happy, for it's in New Jersey
all the time" Ere another dawn this
damsel had her garment and the old
man had the bill.-Erchange.
DIR. LOGAN, of Houston, being at the
no Sc of Judge Cummings, asked the
latter's little boy: Don't you want to
see the elephant in the circus that has
so much intelligence? He can draw the
cork out of bottle, put the neck of it
in his mouth, and empty it down his
throat" If that is all he can do /
don't care TO see him. My pa can do
that. I've seen him do it more than O
dozen times when he went out fishing
1t may be remarked incidentally that
the room was full of company and Judge
Cummings himself was present, and
listened to the childish prattle of his
little boy.-TerdS Stfti'lgs.
JoNEs-"It is too bad. 1 believe 1
was born on an unlucky day Smith
"Why sop Here L am a mere no
body, and yet the man / made sits to-
day in the halls of Congress, and he
don't acknowledge his debt, either. 3"
"That is strange. To whom are you
referring?" 40 Col. Blank" "But
he owes all his political success to his
brilliant war record" Eyes: but If it
had not been for me he would not have
any war record" "How SOP" Il was
drafted, and sent him to the war as my
substitute. philadelphia Call.
LOVE MAKING IN TIE MEDIEVAL AGE.
-Ayl by my halidom! l. faithi Gadzooksl--
| This is the sort of thing we read in books
or knights ike mel love thee. farest coz:
Pledge me thy troth To morrow tine
60. Give Tor my helmets orifiammc, my love,
A dainty number eight. chy fairy glove
LOVE MAKING IN THE GREcIAN AGE.
Here. on this altar, by the gods swear,
By all my fathers bones, by thy black hair,
BY fair DIANA Venus, Hcbe, Juno
The usual OATH In short-the rest OF { yon
Yes. yes, know-dye want your dinner
burned?
Those hearts are noariy done, and must be
turnsdi
LOVE MAKING IN THE lEsTHETIC AGE.
This inner Thusness, which consumes me
All, do not mock my words nor deem me tight
This all-pervading Whichness, hurbly felt,
As though an aching void lay nca til my belt
-Seraphc sweet Ito love ~ but to know youi
Woulds't thou bs splicedy Thou woulds'tY All
| rght-lIl 20 youi-
| LOVE MAKING IN CHINA.
Inner Department OF my soul, Nyum- Nyumi
Wilt thou be mine, and to my laundry come.
Oh, say not no or else I'll cuff and collar
And make thee stih with iron--tsnrts. per dor.
one dollar
See ad.l-You'd better quickly make your mind
| up.
Or else my sword your ife's account will wind
mp.