The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1885-10-02
THE ALMANAC COAT.
A Wonderful Garment That Will Foretell the
Weather and Keep Away the Cholera.

A Wonderful Garment That Will Foretell tn,
Weather and Keep Away the Cholera.
Herman said Hoffenstein, as ht
entered the store and hung his hat or
a nail. ii hat shust had a big SURPRISE,
you know"
"How vas dat, Misder Hoffenstein?''
inquired Herman, noticing that the
old man was in good humor.
"Vell. you see. l goes up nit de ex.
position dis morning, und vat YOU
dink, l meets Jake ~Loewenburg und
Solomon Myers, vat vas old frents nj
mine in Vicksburg twenty-five years
ago. ~Loewenburg vas at de exbosi-
ton as Won uf dose Turks, und vas sell
ing beads und oder leedle dings, und
Myers told me dat he vas dere as an
Egyptian. und vas making blenty ut
money. Veil, ven l sees dose fellows
1T takes my breath right away, because
drinks dey a dead. Myers broder
Jake vas counting my wife Lean at de
same time l vas, und We vas great
frents. Myers dells me dat Jake fail
ed IN pisness at Leedie Rock a shcTt
vile ago und va doing veil. because
he fails on o side uf his store und
runs de ODER"
Hotfenstein smiled pleasantly at the
idea, and walked to the door and look
ed down the street, and MS he did so u
customer came in.
"Vat a l do for you my frent?"
he inquile ed.
II want to get a good coat, but one
that is cheap. I'm Il farmer, and 90
in for comfort more than 1 do for
style"
You vos right about dot, my trent,
and l drinks dot l can tit you md a
good article at an easy brice. Now,
here vos u coat for So, vich is de very
ding you want" and he pulled a coat
out of a pile of rather rough-looking
clothing.
The customer commenced to ex-
anime it, but suddenly lifted his nose
and exclaimed: "Whcw! by lingo!
there is a last years smell about this
coat that is not pleasant. What have
you been doing with it?"
II knew you o going to say dot"
said Hotlenstein in nonchalant way;
all OF my customers say dot ven DIV
LOOK at de coat, because dey don't
know dot it vas onv uf dose almanac,
d~isinfecttng coats vich hat shust been
put on de market not more as dree
months ago. DE coat vot you hat in
your hand vas soaked in de WOOL fac
tory we're 1T vas made nit a brepara-
ton EXPRESSLY for de purpose of keep
ing the cholera away, ind my bruder
vot llfs in Europe writes me last week
dot de Prussian government vort let
dc people wear any oder kind, so dot
it de cholera III along dey will keep
helty, you know. Herman, look in
my desk und get my bruder ks let
ter, vlch We shows dc gentleman. No,
nefer mind, l forget dot l leaves dot
letter nit my wife dis morning. MY
trent, dot coat yos better for de
cholera den all de doctors und de
medicine vot you car hat, und de smell
uf de preparation goes right away ven
you goes out mt de air. Put on dc
coat, my trent, und We secs how it fits,
you know"
The customer did so, and SURVEYED
first n side of himself and then the
other by the aid OF the dingy mirror
in the rear of the store.
"Why do you call it an almanac
coat?' asked the customer, who was
rather pleased with the cut OF the coat.
Because it vos made EXPRESSLY for
gentlemen vot llfs or Il farm, und it
will dell you how de vedah will pc, und
vot to do to save your crop. You see
de changes in de vedder hat de same
effect on dot Il as dey hat on so
much quicksilver, und vos dwice so
much more reliable. Ven YOU see de
coat commence to turn red around de
collar it vas a sign dat dere is a full.
moon und it vas time to blant water
melons, und ven de tail uf de coat
shrinks und de buttons on it 90 half
way up your back shust look out for
bad vet vedder, und don't pull fodder,
you know. Ven de buttons drop den
you knows dat de vedder will be fine
und can act accordingly. You dake
my advice und buy dot coat. und you
will find dat you makes better crops
den any Won vert you Ifs"
The customer appeared to be satisti-
ed, and after purchasing the coat and
leaving the store, Hotienstein said:
'Herman, | a sfIust dinking de oder
day dat l would gif dat Old job lot
away to some orphan asylum. because it
has been in de stock efer since de var.
und it smells de whole store up. | dink
We better keep it = vile longer, und
work it OFT NIT the almanac scheme"
and again he walked to the door in
hopes that another customer would
come in.-NeW Orleans 1Gmgs Demo-
crat.