Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-05-10
CAUSE AND EFFECT.

Lovely Vassar Awkward Vassar
| Graduate. Graduate
| See 10 lying FLYING garments
| On the walk, Then disclose
| Some one will Pretty foot
, Upon IL stalk. Exquisite hose.
| Orange peel Dude is mashed,
Is on the wait And sees his fateI
Graduate. Graduate
coal-dealer suggests that premi-
um be offered to the housckecper who
can exhibit the largest pile of ashes
collected during the winter and spring.
George Mcdonald, the novelist, is
editing new edition of Shakespeare.
If there is any one thing that this world
wants more than another it is new
edition of Shakespeare. - Philadelphia
| Call.
The young man who had just made
his first appearance on any stage
was telling his friends all about it.
'Did you receive any floral tributeP"
was asked. NO he replied, "but |
lodged all the eggs" There was tr;-
umph in his tone.
The poor never realize their poverty
so intensely as when tney are brought
| by necessity to wear the dainty gar
ments concocted for then by fashion
able but kind.hearted young ladies at
the last meeting of the Dorcas Club
| S0merCille Journal
Two men in Texas hotel were talk
ing about taxes. (Which do you pre-
fer. direct or indirect taxes?" Il don't
want any at all That's the kind am
in favor of, and let me tell you there
are lots of people in this country who
think as do. "-Harttord Courant.
| The London journals have not yet
decided whether it is Suakin, Suakim.
Souakin. or Souakim; but when Gen
eral Graham gets home he will be able
to settle it, He has had considerable
of spell at that place. - New York
World.
Journalist to his wife--I feel very
bad this morning. don't see that its
worth while to 60 to work, for my head
aches so painfully that cannot think. -
Wife-Don't try to think any to-day,
dear. Stay at home and work on your
book. y 4ArkdnSdW Trdreter.
Il trust the current of my discourse
last Sunday was not sufficiently formid-
able to hopelessly ingulf YOU" iocose-
ly remarked young Detroit clergy
man to lady member in his congrcga-
ton the other evening. 30, no! 1t
was quite shallow enough for comfort
able wadng, thank you!"
Mamma, said Freddy Popinjay.
'do sounds ever get drunk?" "What
a silly question" replied his mother.
well, l don't care, anyway" cried
Freddy. 81 heard our minister say the
other day that the sound was dissi-
pated in the air, and if dissipatcd dom t
mean drunk. I'd like t. know what it
does mean. ."--BmIington Free Press.
"Youns man." said revivalist
solemnly, "do you feel that you are
prepared to answer the summons at
any moment? Do you realize that
when you 90 to bed at night you may
be called before the morning dawns?"
40, yes, sir. I'm night clerk in a
drug store, an all you've got to do is
keep on ringin' the bell until you hear
me holler. IN. y Sun.
Fenderson-What do you think OF
my writings? Are they too satirical3
'Fogg-Satirioal, you roguep l never
saw your like. You're cutting every
body up. You're perfect vivisection-
| ist. Henderson - You hatter me.
Fogg-Not bit. You're vvisection-
ist. And the best of it is that the man
who reads your slashing articles does
not know that he is being cut up. They
act as an anasthetic, you know.-BOs-
ton Transcript.
A candidate for city office was
| so a ,,,
the previous year had been condemning
him furiously but had changed its tone.
He smiled as he read a pleasant para
graph, and remarked sneeringly to
friend sitting near: "Ha, the sheet is
becoming quite complimentary" "Is
it?' "Yes; it calls me a gentleman
now, but last year it called me thief,
a liar, and a scoundrel." 40. you
mustn't notice that; this is your off
year you know" w."-Merchant 1raveler.
There used to be an old gentleman
who lived up in one of the parishes of
this State who was noted for his trc-
mendous department and punctuality.
Arriving in the city for the first time,
he accosted young man about town
who was standing ON the corner of
Canal street. II wish, my young
friend, said he, taking out his watch,
"to 60 to the ST. Charles hotel"
well" said the gilded youth. "you
may 60, but don't stay but half an
hour. "-NeU Orleans Tmes-Democrat.
A gentleman signing himself Phil
anthropist" writes the bulletin to in
quire ''if the electric light may not
prove factor for reform. If the bus
mess streets were nightly made as light
as Franklin Square, do you think men
who love to be respectable would tum-
BILE into the street at late hour to be
taken home by the police? Isn't this
modern light an antagonist to deeds OF
darkness and shameP"' We give it up.
When we don't know whether there is
dynamite or soothing sirup back of an
inquiry we make it a rule to let 1t alone.
| -NorWich (Ct) Buttetin.
Some of our readers may remember
the ancient definition "A noun is the
name Of thing, as horse, hair, JUS
tice." In the ..Memoir Of Adiel Sher-
wood, ID. d." recently published. the
story is told Of young man who Stun
bled grievously at this point. "What
is noun thenP" he said; "but first
must find out what is n horse-hair jus.
tice." He meditated upon this for sew.
eral days, until seeing his father seated
IN his legal capacity as Justice Of the
Peace in the old horse-hair settee, he
exclaimed, with delight: 81 have
found it; my father is u horse-hair jus.
tice, and therefore a noun. --ChicdgC
Standard.
A Worcestershire woman, new to
London, had her child christened ID
company with the children Of some ol