Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1885-06-24
A MAN FAMINE.
A MAN FAMINE.
COL. PAT DOMAIN FLOURlSHES TIE
LANTERN OF OioGENES.
The Plant of q Brilliant Debutantc-A
Host Of Tailor Made Society Eel
lows" but Real Men Are
scarce-Well, What?

dakota Letter in v Y SUM-
Only a short tims ago the bright young
daughter Of an eminent ST. Louis lawyer
said 70 me: You mcckingly criticise US for
encouraging the attention, Of what you con-
temptuously style whip sr-nappsrs.
snip dudes AMI 'callow goslings,' bu.
how can We help it. There are twenty ot
these little fellows in sOciet waere there IS
one really desirable man. AMI if 1t We're MT
for them We would mis- many an entertain
ment that ve want 10 attend. many an
opera and play, many a set il dancin,, tina.
We now en- JOY. But for these very pigmie-,
with their 'three-hair-pJwer riUstaches.' that
you speak Of 50 srorniu lly, every girl in s..
| Luis would be lie al home half the times
she now gets out, AMI woIli b. q WALL
flower more than half the Zine when she
managed TO inveigle her father or
br Ither into escorting her TO parties AMI re-
ceptons. You find me plenty of thoss
brainy, cultivated. aspiring men with a
future, that ylu talk about, and W Il find
! You plenty OF girl capable of approaching
them. AMI ready D. Or, p all their r-tinue 4
'romatumei snips,' for them any time.
/ Bring or your real men, Trot ont Your
thoroug hbred -
She was only a deiutante but do you
/ know she had n1nplu, ei nai / toll over
all the masculine bead, Of my society rosary:
/ l took a lightning calculator inventory If al
my trousers wearing acquaintance in what
/ i known as good soc.ety;' | reviewed long
/ professions of the bfurcltel ornament OF
seaside AMI mountain AMI lakesi /, r.Sbrts
of balls and rout, and operatic first IA sh.,:
and l hal TO aimit that TIN web .unslt
young-girl Indictment was "A tru, bill III
over the country a man famine prevails.
We have hosts OF society fellows-sw.lls
giddy boys-but they are hardly the kind o;
husband material sensible woman wouli
select, If IT Were not a case Of ~Hob,on's
choice Many of tnem are kini-heartei.
agreeable little creatures, disposed to do
everything in their power to earn the graft
tude OF the girls, To whose enjoyment they
contribute themselves AMI all they have and
are. But n considerable proportion Of them
are freaks of nature, only to he accounted
for when the creation of mosquitoes, feas,
munps, and measles is explained. They are
as much alike, find them where you will, as
the little Jumps OF pill dough under a drug
gist's spatula. There is not originality /
enough in Them or the tailors they patron
lie, 20 get up sufficient difference between
any two Of a THOUSAND OF item to recognized
under forty inule-power microscope.
Their physioGnomies are mild burlesques on
the lap-dog family. Their shanks and feet
look like pins stuck in pumpkins.
Their clothes are ali OF the loudest fashion, !
and their neckties flame with all the hues of 4
an Adirondack autumn, while life seems /
with them 20 be u perpetual struggle to see
over their collars. Their faces are decor. |
ated with bergamot-exhaling side wbiskers 4
and lip fuzZ. thin and sickly. Their kid 7
gloves are gaudy, and their switch canes
have semi-blackguari handles, usually
copies in ivory or gold Of some ballet 4
dancers pirouetting pins. Ponderous chains
with horseshoe and dog head charms dangle
from their flashy vest patterns Their Wis
ases are stupid AMI sensual. and their
mouths are mere exDro ,ionless gashes, that
only open to take In oysters, cocktails, and
champagne, and let cut ballroom comph
mentS, stale obScelity, and drawing oaths.
They walk with dawdling, mincing gait
that carries perpetual flavor of the ger
man or the racquet They talk with
foreign affection, full of ~aws' and "you
knaws,n and their breath is ever relolent
with whisky AMI cigarette tobacco
They leer with inSuiferable in -olence at
every woman that comes within reach Of
their weak dishwatery eyes, AMI comment
on -the points Of their girl acquaintance
as they do on those Of a horse or a speckled
female pointer pup They laugh in their
iliotic, would-be cynical way at the idea o:
virtue, and hold that every woman has her
price. They estimate men only by ter
clothes and their money. They never had
or can have, an unselii,h thought All their
sentiments center in their own base appe-
tite-. They worship 10 god but them-elves
AMI the Hot'entot fetch worshipper has a
more respectable deity. Squeeze million
Of them into one and they would not make
n real man.
And yet they are ail-imfOrtant factors OF
oar test society. No We iiing ceremony Is
Complete without soms Of them as
ushrrs apd salad annihilators No ball or
reception is perfect without a numerous
srrnkling of them t. flourish their Inning,
patent eathered heel only less light and
leathery than their heads t. the witching
strains OF it, viols and lutes. Without then.
our girls would often-too sadly, awfully
often-bs beauties, stay-at-homes would
abound and WALTZ! overs wouli flourish
thicker than toucE-me -noti in rustic par.
terres. or bachelor button, IN Dakota " ere
four-fiftn Of all the buttons are bachelors
buttons
What is 10 he done' There Is cry from
Dam~elonia, come AMI help Us Ia the nams
of suffering girldom, | call upon our social
philosophers, pundIt,, AMI panJln Irums for
aid and counsel Where i, the use
of all cur nineteenth-century progress
in art AMI science, Il an im-
proved article of society man cam, bs
invented and manufactured IN greater alum
dancef What is the good Of all our electric
lights or telephones. photographs, AMI
double track railroads from New YORK TO
Mexico and the moon. it our girls have TO
marry noboiies, o. 90 huSban lies. 70 join
the ever swelling army Of driei-up spn,ter
martyrs.
How can /. without seeming mockery,
wish a happy New Year. or many happy
returns Of their birthdays, t. a portion Of
maidens WHO have let the priceless hours OF
four or five or 81. leap years pass unprof-
ited by, and are doomed 10 % unUeauei,
unwooed, AMI unwcidej, save by adola,ccnt
nonenties. DaTwins strongest w.tneSs.- for
heaven only knows how long 10 comet
Must our American young women still
continue to fly T. the arms Of their coach
men ami lac,eys. or waste themselves on
foreign counts and harons, as a preparatory
step 10 presiding IL the back rooms Of future
barber shops, or passing around tie hand
organs concomitant tamborine for nicklesi
II so, "lchaboi' Is already written upon the
pillars Of our new world republic and Its
7.