The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1885-12-27
sQUlD.


Did you ever see Crank lie can be found here,
there, and everywhere; but II really seems that the
good people OF Washington are AFFLICTED with more
OF him than they should be- What causes the Crank
to focus at the Capital more than elsewhere is
mystery, but 1t is lamentabie fac. that this beauti.
ful city has drawn double ratIons OF Hotel Ioafer
and Crank. Perhaps the Crank never saw blue
water, yet he could, IL the Government wanted
ship OF war built, plan one 10 perfection. Perhaps
he knows nothing OF mechanics, yet he has a motor
which he is sure will revolutionizc the Industrial
world With the Shaster, the Koran, the Bible, the
writings of Confuclus at hand he rejects them all
and revels In home made religion and will get as
mad as fire should you dispute his theological posi-.
tion. He Is devoted 10 spirtualsm awhile, then TO
the Church of Rome, then to Professionalism,
then he becomes atheiscal, and then very likely he
becomes free-over II he can ind any one TO ac-
cept his bepgary love- He Is everything by Jerks
ana nothing long. He has no end Of il-will TO his
fellow-men and endeavors to ventilate his spite
against them by sending communications to the
press, and wakes wroh when prudent editors reject
his bad letters. His opinions are all jug. handled and
he looks down with lordly contempt upon all who
differ with him. Like all lmprudent, irresolute men,
he Is terribly poor In pocket and of course he is an
Agrarlan and has an Utopian idea of government
lie could govern Rome, (he thihks,) and vet In
country where 1t Ia easier TO make living than any
where else on Gods earth he hasn't bread and but.
ter aud decent raimen lie is a sucker, loafer,
wretch, without shred OF principle, and
yet he thinks himself III treated because
the horn Of plenty is not emptled into his
lap daily. He is not often dangerous, as his
cowardlce prevents that, but he is intensely disa-
greeab!e aud Is a drone In the busy hive of life.
should he he In ONCE, you will ind him on bad
terms with nne-tenlhs OF his feow-cerks as he has
not learned the wholesome lesson that all, high and
low, must exercise the policies of life hourly He ia
Skinner, knows a little Of everything but not much
OF anything, and vet he will take the opposite side In
argument on the most complicated subjects. lie
knows more OF astronomy than Herschel knew
more of medicine than Galen knew; more of
anatomy than Cooper knew: more OF literature than
Taine knew; more OF law than Evarts knows; and
yet he has not learned that true merit Ia nearly al
ways accompanied by modesty. lie assumes the
| most disgusting habits In mind, body, and dress
and appears to think they the eccentrcities o,
| geulus." With all his studies, or skimmings, he
| knows SO little OF the philosophy OF "rule by ma.
iorit.es," he would remove President were he to
deny him trivial Office. Should he be an ofilcer In
the Army or Navy he would obey orders reluctantly
| and be In row all the time with his comrades
should any OF his scioocfums succeed better In life
than he, he would denounce them as thieves, as he
never dreamed Of denying himself present ndul.
gences for future independence. Indeed, he has
theory that every prosperous man Is thief and an
|
utterly abomnated by all good people, and IL
Stunned socially by everybody. lie sees no virtue
In woman; has no honor for age; ignores all love
for the innocence of childhood II he Is not smutty
oftongue he is foul OF heart, and ofentimes he is
terrible victim Of the opium habit He Is sometime.
supported In pity by prudent relatives yet gratitude
Is an article he never deals in.
| Once upon time, across the water, in an insane
| asylum, we saw q Crank who had theory thai
| IN wa pn hIa hon, ,o, ,,i,t
and has done so for thirty years. Now, perhaps thi.
Crank isrght; but he is, there untold millions
the world who are wrong. Would 1t not be better Il
do as millions do than to act does? We thinl
so, because we then have not our own Judgment opl,
TO direct u.s. but we have the habits Of millions to II
by, too. There are, say, ten women In America who
wear trousers and there are millions who do not. Are
these millions wrong and those ten right? Wha
we are getting at Is this: Ii we do as good people
generally do, we do what is about right. II we &c
outside Of all rule and precedent, then we become
Cranks, and have to suffer the name and reputation
Of Cranks.
Ii Is said that the line beween Instinct and Reason
Is very fine one but it is that the line between
Crankism and lnslnity is SO sight that 1t is often
times swept away and the Crank ends In a straight
jacket. The Crank is cynic without single kindly
feeling toward his fellow-man, and he will lie tc
| wrigge out OF the payment of trivial debts. lie IL
generally slim In flesh and solitary in habit; seldom
smles never laughs, Is moody and reflective, and II
fool enough to nurse animOsities, never having con
sidered the policy and wisdom of forglving and for
getting injuries. He pours his real or imaginary
wrongs into unwilling ears, and Is vlnd.ctivc ant
reveDgeful to such degree that kindly y-disposi
toned people shun him as they would pestilence
He knows more about the Signal Bureau than Gen
| Myer knew and could reform 1t Ia an hour; more
| about war than Jomini knew; more about dictior
than Macaulay knew; more about Rome than Glib
bon knew; more about law-making than Soon did
He criiicses everything within his reach aud could
teach RoeblIng how TO build suspension bridge
His judgment In art matters is surprisingly correct
and he has forgotten more about music than Beet
| hoven could comprehend, and, as to architecture
Bunarotti was just nowhere. Instead OF searching
| admirng, loving the good in human nature, hi
delves for Its faults, magnihes them million dia
| meters, aud grins In glee when he holds them up
lie is worse than the sevenheadcd beast, and Is al
Immoral as goat. His warped judgment IS &c
awry that were you to give him wholesome adylc,
he would resent 1t, and his stubbornness Of purpose
when bent on evil Is such that lie plunges headlong
into what shamcs him for life, even though older ant
wiser heads counsel otherwise. II he has family
he is cruel and exaclng therein, Ia wretched pro
| vder and his little ones fear his chronic, sulky
lrown.
Such Is Crank, aul from such may the good Lore
| deliver us.
| There was such one who recently left this Val,
Of Tears who was known for years in this city as
pestilential meddler, with vast Ideas born OF hi
egotism: who tortured the newspapers with nonsen
steal plans who claimed to be tine inventor OF BIZ
improvements; who fought every intelligent sug
gestion with wicked hate; who was Ignorant ant
big with spleen; who lived like begglr and det
like wretched psuper; who never did kind ac
and hated his felow-man with hate which seemed
nhuman. But we nave many such left, and W.
would commend to the legislators on the Hill uI
| yonder wholesome vagrant law to sweep all sucl
from our fair city or put them TO work In the work
| house. SQUID
| IAW.REEAKING Turkish NAMES