Morning journal and courier., 1885-09-30
HAPPY.

Widow to medium: ''Is my husband hap py in the spirit lands'' ''Yes; perfectly so, | madam. He has every ything his soul de sires." "Then, thank heaven he's got it at last" ''Got what, madams" IA postofice |" Chicago Leader.
 1T declare, MT. Blank" said guest to the landlord of Bar Harbor hotel, ''your table is even worse than it was last year" And the indignant Boniface answered without re- fection: "That is impossible, sir. r."-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
 "I remember you very we'll, said the ho- tel keeper, ''but your wife has grown very thin.'' 'tYes.n ''She was taller ''Yes" And lighter complexion, was she not?' "Yes. Besides, you know, it is not the same one. ."-Hartford Times.
 Young housekeeper (after gazing he1plessly at the different cuts): ''I want a piece that I can use for soup" Butcher: People generally get fore legs for soup" Young housekeeper (aghast): "How many did you says Fours"-Harper's Bazar.
 ''Did not the sight of the boundless blue sea, bearing on it's bosom the white winged fleets of commerce, fill you with emotion." ''Yes,'' replied the traveller, ''for a while it did, but after awhile it didn't fill me with anything. It sorter emptied me."-Texas Siftings.
 Pinkerton to one of his men)- Harris, here is case in Montreal I want worked up." Harris-''All right, sir" Pinkerton- "But there is smallpox there, and I am afraid you'll catch it." Harris drawing him self up proudly l-'.You forget, sir, that I am detective. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 'sOn the top and surface brethren D said a minister last Sunday, things are often clean and right, but it is when we look be- low and explore the depths that we appre ciate the meanness and deceptions of our fel- low creatures.'' He had been buying barrel of apples. evidently.-Lowell Citizen.
 An Ohio court has decided that the hus- band is the legal owner of the wife's clothes. If that isn't like an Ohio man. The minute the administration changes he looks around for something else that he grab. We'll, one comfort for the woman, the Ohio man may own his wife's clothes but he can't wear 'sm. And she can-and frequently does wear his.-Burdette.
 s'What kind of man is he-good, bad or indiferents' "Well, that depends a good deal who teeters on the other end of the plank with him." 'How so, sira" Well, if you size him up alongside of Judas Iscariot he looms up middlin' fair, but when you come to set him down between such fellers you an me, judge, he does dwindle terri ble surprisin'-he does, for fact. ."-Chicago Herald.
 Mrs. Pompano-I see that the President has returned to the White House. How long was he away?
 Mr. Sompano-Thirty days.
 1.-The papers say that he was very glad to get home again.
 'sI've no doubt he was delighted. Do you know why2'
 Because he was tired'
 'sNo; because he is not a married man, my dear. .''-Philade1phia Call.
 A man suffers deep when his honor is stung, Or his long cherished hopes circumyented, And suffers intensely. no doubt. when he's hung,
 Or his wife's bonnet bills presented But grief through his raeked being
 search,
 Or with such terrible agony bind him. As that when he learns he has walked into
 church.
 His suspenders dangling behind him.
 T nio