Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-06-11
RAILWAY ETIQUETTE.
By BILL NYE.


lives and yet do not know how to be-
have themselves on the road. For the
benefit and guidance of such, these
few. crisp, plain, horse sense rules of
etiquette have been framed
In travelling by rail, on foot, turn to
the right on discovering an approach
ing train. If you wish the train to
turn out, give two loud toots and get
in between the rails so that you will
not muss up the right of way Many
nice, new right of way has been
ruined by getting pedestrian tourist
spattered all over it's first mortgage.
On retiring at night on board the
train, do not leave your teeth in the
Ice water tank. If every one should
do SO, it would occasion great eonfu
sion in case of wreck. 1t would also
cause much annoyance and DELAY dur
ing the resurrection. Experienced tour
lists tie string to their teeth and re-
tain them during the night.
If you have been reared in extreme
poverty and your mother supported
you until you grew up and married so
that your wife could support you, you
will probably sit in four seats at the
same time, with your feet extended
into the aisles so that you can wipe
them off on other people while you
snore with your mouth open, clear to
your shoulder blades.
Ii you are prone to drop TO sleep and
breathe with low, death rattle. like
the exhaust of bath tub. it would be
a good plan to tie up your head in q
feather bed and then insert the whole
thing in the linen closet. or if you can
not secure that, you might stick it out
OF the window and get it knocked off
against tunnel. The stockholders of
the road might get mad about it, but
you could do it in such a way that they
wouldn't know whose head it was.
Ladies and gentlemen should guard
against travelling by rail while in a
beastly state of intoxication.
In the dining car, while eating, do
not comb your mustache with your
fork. By all means do not comb your
mustache with the fork of another. 1t
is better to refrain altogether from
combing the mustache with a fork
while travelling, for the motion of the
train might jab the fork into your eye
and irritate it.
If your desert is very hot and you do
! not discover it until you have burned
the rafters out of the roof of vour
mouth, do not utter a wild yell of agony
and spill your coffee all over a total
stranger, but control yourself, hoping
to know more next time.
In the morning is good time to find
out how many people have succeeded
in getting on the passenger train who
! ought to be in the stock car.
Generally, you will find one male and
one female. The male goes into the
wash room. Bathes his worthless car
cass from daylight until breakfast time.
| walking on the feet of any man who
tries to wash his face during that time.
He wipes himself on nine different
towels, because when he gets home he
knows he will have to wipe his face on
an old door mat People who have
been reared on hay all their lives, gen
orally want to fill themselves full of
pie and collie when they travel.
| The fpnala Of tbic eo,,o
goes into the ladies' department and
remains there until starvation drives
her out. Then the real ladies have
about thirteen seconds apiece in which
to dress.
If you never rode in a vanished car
before, and never expect to again, you
will probably roam up and down the
car, meandering over the feet of the
porter while heis making up the berths.
This is a good way to let people see
| just how little sense you had left after
your brain began to soften.
In travelling do not take along lot
of old clothes that you know you will
never wear.
Never walk through car staring
everybody out of countenance, like a
Jim Crow detective hunting for the
James boys, but mind your own busi-
ness, be quiet, polite and patient, and
see that your ticket takes you over the
Great Rock Island route. Then you
will feel as though you were among
friends all the time, and you will leave
the train with a pang of genuine regret.