Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-02-06
wIT AND mtlsres..

must dye.-f5oeiacac Ncl0S.
Professor Yonng has discovered some
new wrinkles on the face of the planet
Venus. No doubt she is growing old.
Mr.. Tarwin did said. nlas was coined
der monkey out. Ofcr dis ras dcrorig-
inal of man, der monk vas ontlidled to
hafe my sympady. Carl Pretsel.
A Tombstone, A. T., reporter said Of
the troupe at the Opera House: Last
nights performance viii be repeated
tonight, with an entire change of pro-
| gramme. y
| A Kentucky teacher writes to ask
whether it is ssthe Duty of 3 teacher to
whip pupil hard Nuf to cut the
biud out or Mott. "-NesU Fork 1ele-
gram.
Instructor( examining geometrical fig
ures on the board d)-"I don't under
stand these constructions. Student
Every well; I'll see you differentiation
and explain them to you.
In a cemetery in France one reads:
''Here lies Gabrielle, my adored wife
She was an angel Never shall be
consoled for her loss" On the same
stone: "Here lies Henrietta. my second
wife. She was also an angel.
Delmonico said: Every few people
understand how to cook water. ~ We
should think the best way would be TO
boil it. Still some people may prefer
it roasted or fried. It's purely q mat
mer of taste.-P Philadelphia Call
.Pa." asked the small boy, .swhy do
they call the first piece the organ plays
in church the voluntary p because,
my son, replied the old gentleman.
''the organist runs his hands over the
keys, and the organ goes wherever it
pleases.n
.sOh deari" she sighed, as her hus-
band bade her good-by in the sleeping-
car, s'this night travel is SO tedious. and
the hours are so long. Don't be
discouraged, y he said, ..you are on
fast train and the night win ipby very
rapidly"
''The smallest gnat could instruct
our best aeronauts, says religious
writer. If this is true why do our ablest
aeronauts, on going to bed in the mos
quito season, bathe themselves in PEN
nyroyal and coal-oil to keep of these
useful insectsa
A Southern exchange, noting the so
ciety announcement that .sthe correct
IOuu2 1ldu EAllS w lutGL Will nQt DC y
dude, but will be stately and intellect
ual looking argues that newspaper
men are going more than usual into So
ciety this Winter.
Eulalia (sentimentally) oh. no!
have no desire for great wealth.
should be happy, very happy. as tho
wife of a noble bread-winner. George
practically And should be happy.
very happy. as the husband of good
bread-maker. She concluded to learn.
When stupid servant girl laid her
dapjacks on the chair and sat down on
the red-hot stove, ent-mildedly, she
rose Immediately. without waiting to
be told, and her intellectual faculties
had evidently been quickened--it made
her as smart as a weasel ever after-
ward.
"You are very late sending your eve
ming mail out, - said an editor 70 hfs
daughter, when he came home at 2 in
the morning and met timid, shrinking
young man between the front door and
the gate ssNot st all, answered the
thoughtful girl, "Charles Henry is now
a morning edition. y
A muddy street always exposes the
man who is in love. The fellows with
affections are apt tostop
at the crossings and look around q bic,
but the man who is completely gone
with the tender passion passes right
along, even If there are q dozen girls
picking their way across Rsts6nyg
Chronicle
Several schoolgirls were discussing
their future Tocations. One Of them
was going to be an artist. another .
poetess, etc. s.And what are You 90
ing to bePn one of them asked 3 little
girl, who had not said anything. .Tsve
made up my mind that I'll be- rich
widow when grow up, was the do
mure reply.
If you call for beans or hash, tho wait
er will sing out your order so that it
viii cause every eye to center upon
you; and should you indulge in roast
Turkey and cranberry sauce, he viii
walk up to the other end Of the room
and give your order in voice so small
that It can hardly be distinguished in
the kitchen, and nobody knows that
you are swell for once, but he expects
his fee all the same.
Bismarck's fayorite beverage-beer
or wine-was lately the subject Of .
wager between two Prussians. who act
ually applied TO the Chancellor himself
to settle tho bet. The Princes version
left them as wise as they were before.
for his secretary replied: ''IIis High-
ness directs me to inform you that you
are both in the right. inasmuch as he is
equally fond of good wine and good
beer, and, with the exception Of his
sick days, partakes Of ono as well as
the other.
Not long since an economical real.
estate owner wrote his own placard and
displayed the legend "To Wrenf'' on
oneof his buildings. OF course every
body laughed st it. Irritated by the
he inquired of q friend
the word rent he said
he could easilYchange that, and speed
i1y the sign Two Lett was dangling
before the vision of an amused public
That was a case Of the 'swrentH being
made worse.
Among other occasions not already
when drink is necessary
10 ones health and happiness may ho
mentioned the following. When you
nave heard good news; when you have
receiyed bad news; when yoss are In
ianger Of taking cold from becoming
,verheated; whom you feel feyerish. OF
ear that yo,s may feel feverish, after %
before being exposed 10 the colds Wiien
you have purchased any article Of
clothing; when you arc TO attend we'd
ling, a funeral, achristening or horse
rot. Boston 1ruuscfipf.
Rev. Thomas Timmins. while IN AZ
enhance af the Humane Association
meetings ia this city, organized fWo