The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-04-17

somsshins q the bsssA cad 1lsb Of the
Great 1uno11st

somsthins q the DsssA Cad 1lfb sf tie
Great xunor1st
There is fascination 10 some Of It's
about first things and last things. I
wonder if you wouldn't like to hear Ar
temus Wards last joke. Here it is, as
told by . naval offi:er, Admiral De.
Rohan:
II was at Rsdford's Hotel, southamp.
ton. England, one night in 1866, when
the landlady came to me and said {:
Admiral, there is an American upstairs
very sick, and am afraid he is going
to die. Cant You 60 and see him?
Madam 1 replied, here is my supper,
all hot. and q friend to take it with me;
I can't nee all the Americans who want
to come to southampton to die. WHO is
he? :Oh, sir she added, he is q
writer-Mr. Browne; he is Hartemus
Ward. the comic writer
81 had never known Ward, but /
went upstairs, and there I found Mr..
Kingston, Wards business agent. 1
stepped up to the bed, and there saw
the long thin aquillne nose, and the re-
markably clear blue eyes of Artemus
Ward for the first time. His face was
thin end bleached. and he was mere
string of bones from head to foot. I
leaned over him and reached my hand
under the cover and took lis hand. Said
L: Browne, 1 am one of your country
men, and have come to see If can do
anything for you.' He made move
ment with his lips as if to speak, but
could not articulate; yet that pair Of
grey eyes, without any fear IN them,
followed me around intelligibly. / saw
that he had but few hours to live.
what doctor have you here? p I asked.
Kingston told me, and I said:
THAT is not the best doctor in
Southampton; I will send my doctor
down, and see if anything can be done.'
The doctor came, but shook his head in
moment He is past help said the
doctor; the best I can do for him is to
take care of his brain, which is still
alive, and I will give him somo sedative,
that his closing moments may be as ca
~ as possible That selative was to be
administered at certain intervals, and
Mr.. Kingston being very tired asked
me if I would sit up with Artemus
Ward and give him his doses every two
hours or so. I had given him one or
two doses, and when came to the
third, said: Now. Browne, here is
your medicine which the doctor las left
for you. It is time to take it like man.
There was little catch in his crescent
shaped nose, and without any tremor or
fear his pair of blue eyes rolled up to
my face, and then he made the words
with his lips just audibly: Cant
YOU take it for meY 1 suppose that
was the last joke he ever made aud
traces of a smile accompanied it."
He died shortly afterward
James Parton, in closing xh article
abont this man. says:
II thought 1 ought not to conclude
this article without letting the reader
know why this bright and genial spirit
is no longer here to add to the world g
amusement. Well, this was the reason
Wherever he lectured, whether in New
England, California or London, there
was sure to be knot of young fellows
to gather around him, and go home with
him to his hotel, order supper, and
spend half the night in telling stories
and singing songs. To any man this
will be fatal in time; but when the
nightly carouse follows an evenings
performance before an audience, and if
succeeded by a railway journey the next
dny. the waste of vitality ia fearfully
rapid. Five years of such life finished
poor Charles Browne. He died in Lon
don in 1867, aged thirty-three years,
and he now lies buried at the home OF
his childhood, in Maine.
HE was not deep drinker. he
was not man of strong appetltes. II
was the nights wasted in convivlslity
which his system needed for sleep, that
sent him to his grave forty years before
his time. For men of his profession
and character, for all editors, literary
men and artists, there is only one safe.
ty-tee- totalism. He should have tax.
en- the advice of the stage driver, te
whom he offered some whiskey; and ]
commend it strongly to the counties,
hosts who see this paper every week
Il don't drink-I won't drink! And
don't like to see anybody else drink
I'm of the opinion Of those mountainl
keep your top cool! They've got
snow, and I've got brains-thats al