Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-08
A SINGULAR FUNERAL,
AS Described By Ono OF the
"Waiters at the Festival.

81 wish some one would come her
and discover us, and then set of pee
pie arrive and settle, so that thus W
might gradually become civilized an,
at last enlightened. Have you an,
idea that it is known in what inky dark
ness we sitP And yet don't suppos
there is person in town who can no
read and write. don't mean that h
can spell or put a grammatical sen
tence together. That power is no
necessary, even to be graduated from
the Center High School. And what d,
you imagine will be required of us a
that funeral this afternoon? We shall
not please them. know, and yet an
going TO try with all my might to d,
what they expect" Thus wrote m,
sister Gertrude on a certain day las
summer.
The town of Ransomc, which YOU
will not find on any map. is removed
from the seashore. 1t is in Massachu
sets. 1t is lovely of aspect, with hill
and brooks and rocky pastures, ant
distant purple mountains. But it is o.
its people more than of its scenery thai
am going to speak.
IL Is almost a miracle how such
places can still exist in Massachusetts
hamlets not half dozen miles away
from towns where live ladies and gen
tlemen who can use Il singular verb
with singular subject, and who know
what plural means. A great deal
hangs on knowledge seemingly so SIM
pie. Here in this part of Ransome we
are scorned if we say elbow are you?"
instead of "How be YEP" Such is the
natural pronencss to depravity that
have basely truckled to popular opinion
and flung about the wrong verbs reck-
lessly. / don't think / am liked any
the better for it, and l imagine l am
still called "stuck up"
They will not read here, and you are
a "lazy, shiiless thing" if you read
Il amt no time for readin'," man
will say scornfully; and you shall
see him sitting for hours in numb
sort of way, perhaps smoking, perhaps
not even doing so much as that. He
will tell you he is resting, and he would
sincerely believe himself an object for
blame if he should be scanning a news
paper or book.
You say this state of affairs can not
be in Massachusetts. But it is, and
though we have lived in the midst of it
for six years, it even now seems incred-
ible to us. What impossible, though
invisible, barrier is there which pre-
vents glimmers of sense and refinement
and literary tastes from coming here,
when few miles away you shall find
culture and genialityp True, there is no
RI lway to the village, but railway is
not solely civilizer. l defy any one
TO teach these people anything. They
may listen, or appear to listen, to some
one announcing self-evident fact, not
known to them, and youwill see all the
time on their faces look of dull scorn
of you who should believe such thing.
"Hc who would convince the worthy
Mr.. Dunderhead of any truth which
does not see, must be a
of his art"
But | was going to tell you about that
funeral. A man living near us had
died after long and painful illness;
my sister and | called to ask the family
if we could assist them in any way. We
met several women with lugubrious
faces who had been in to see the corpse.
We were invited in for that purpose,
and as a great treat, but declined.
Can we be of any usc?' we asked.
"Wall," with the conventional Yam
kce nasal, which, if you ever thought
of il, is that one does not talk through
the nose, but without the assistance of
that organ: "Wall, you couldn't no.
how be walters to the funeral, now
could yep inquired the widow.
We protested our willingness could
we know what was the duty of walters.
"Wall, you see, when we've all gone
TO the grave, the walters they git up a
supper; coffee, tea, and so on. Thcrc'll
be sight o folks most likely come
back from the grave, and they'll be
mighty hungry. You'll have to tend
right up to 'em, yc know. Therc'll be
several tables full, and dishes to wash.
Now, could yc. nowp III be so much
oblecged to We. But" she added in
commiseration of us, "if We
do, yon can't 90 to the grave"
We said we would stay and would
try to do what was proper.
How appetzing going to the grave
must be" said Gertrude, as we walked
home.
On the way we met Nancy Holland,
who was taking down n stranger from
Mill Village. She explained that her
companion had never seen Mr.. Ewell,
the man, but that she felt wish to see
the corpse. Mrs. Holland was old, and
trembling with the interest and excite
mcnt of the occasion. She asked If we
were 10 be present "to the tuneril."
When told that VIC were to be "waiters,"
she looked at uswth unmistakable sur
prise and envy.
"Bc We, nowp Idcclarc ] told Mis-,
Ewell I'd jest rs licvc stay an help,
only | can't leave Robert, yc know"
and she went on.
From interviews with several other
rcighbors we saw that our Office was a
coveted one. Did it not give an almost
unlimited opportunity to peer into
every part OF the house; to see where
dost had collected; TO find out how
many pies had been made, and to Judge
pretty accurately whether they were
made as they ought TO be? / over
heard one decrcpit oil woman. who re-
manned behind in the house of mourning,
say 10 another, as the two tottcred
along the narrow entry through which
the coffin had Just been borne:
IL call IL odd that Miss Ewell should
n had them two gals os walters; my
gals would n bccn glad to como. What
DO they knowP" Jerking her head back
In our direction.
Oh, how hot il was' il was fcrvcnt
~ dav In Massachusetts will some
times be In tho summer, the heavens
being ovcrsprcad by thin. corpcry
haze, and without a breath of ar. II
was tho third day Of such heat, and
cvcsy one forctold that the 'spcll
would break before night" Mean
while IL hal not broken, aad we wcfc
In the kitchen brewing coflcc and tea.
We put two tables end TO end in the
'scttin'-room," and hcstcncd 10 spread
them with crockcry, cakc and pic,
stacks OF brcad and of cold-boflcd
corncd beef.
The cemetery was not far, and we