Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
CROOKED ANSWERS.
Startling Items of Information
Furnished by School Children.

The knowledge attributed to the pro-
verbal 'school-boy" must always have
amazed any person of only ordinary in
telhgence. Recent school examinations
have, however, revealed a depth and
variety of information possessed by
juveniles, which bids fair to make the
coming school-boy throw his predeces-
sors quite into the shade. Amongst
many startling items of information
may be instanced that "a fort is place
to put men in," and fortress a place
to put women in" "a famine in the
land" it appears, is what made the
Tower of Pisa lean; and "'cos the
moon is so changin'," is the reason
why it is of different gender from the
sun. The surface of the earth consists
of land and water, said a bright young
ster; but when asked: "What, then, do
land and water makep" he instantly re-
piled: Mud
In many cases, il is evident that the
pupils do not understand what the ques-
tons mean. When inquiring: What
comes next to man in the scale of be-
ings' it is rather surprising TO be told
that it is "his shirt. :" II surely must
have been the same boy who replied
that the chief end of man was: "The
end what's got his head on. The first
man that went round the. world was, in
little girls opinion, "Ihe man in the
moon" A consonant is a portion of
land surrounded by water" 1t was
Daniel in the lions den" who said:
at is not good for man to be alone;"
and "why the Israelites made a golden
calf was: because they hadn't
enough silver to make n cow"
Reports of School-board examinations
will form quite comic library. "What
would have happened if Henry w. of
France had not been murderedP" The
reply was; 'He would probably have
died a natural death" "Where was
Bishop Latimcr burned to deathP' "In
the fire. replied lit fellow, looking
very grave and wise,8n equally uncx-
pected reply.was -elicited from pupil
when asked: "What did the Israelites
do when they came out of the Red
SeaP" They dried themselves"
"What is the feminine of friarp" First
bright boy: Hasn't any," "Next."
Second bright boy: Nun" That's
right" First boy, Indignantly: "That's
just what saidr'
The following is still more ludirous.
A teacher asked Juvenile class some
questions regarding their knowledge of
electricity, and inquired which of them
had ever seen magnet. One sharp
boy Immediately said he had seen lots
of them. "Where?" inquired his in
structor, astonished at his proficiency.
"In cheese" was the ready reply.
But the good things are not all mo-
nopolized by the boys. ''Some little
girls were studying the history of David,
the passage for the day being that
which describes the shepherd boys VIC
tory over Goliath. The teacher asked
the question, "Now, can any of you
little girls tell me who killed the giantP"
Quick as thought one of the smallest
responded: Jack"
An examination of girls in Board
schools for prizes offered by the Ma
tional Health Society revealed some
curious items of information. One re-
ply to: Mention any occupations
considered injurious to health" was:
Occupations which are injurious to
health are carbolic acid gas, which is
impure blood" Another pupil said:
A stone-mason's work is injurious,
because when he is chipping he breathes
in all the little chips, and then they are
taken into the lungs" A third says:
"A bootmaker's trade is very injuri-
Gus, because the bootmakers press the
boots against the thorax; and, there
fore, it presses the thorax in, and il
touches the heart; and, if they do not
die, they arc cripples for life" With a
beautiful decsiveness, one girl declares
that "all mechanical work is injurious
to health" A reply to question
about digestion runs: 1--WE should
never eat fat, because the food does not
digest. Another states that "when
food is swallowed, it passes through the
windpipe;" and that "thc chyle flows
up the middle of the backbone, and
reaches the heart, where it meets the
oxygen, and is purified" Another
says: 1.-The work of the heart is to re-
pair the different organs in about half a
minute. One little psychologist re-
plies: 1--WE have an upper and a
lower skin; the lower skin moves at its
will, and the upper skin moves when
we do" Another child says: 1.-The
heart is a comicat shaped bag" A
third, that "the upper skin is called
eppcderby and the lower skin is called
derby;n while fourth enumerates the
organs of digestion as stomach,
Utensils, liver and spleen"
Another school furnishes us with sorne
choice specimens of general informa-
ton, geography, history and grammar.
With reference to the first, we are told
that 1.-THE first day in Lent is called
Matrimony," moreover, that "Matri.
mony is necessary to salvation;" and
that "our neighbor' is 1.-THE person
next door" In geography, for instance,
40 volcano is large mountain with q
hole ut the top and a fireplace at the
bottom, and sometimes the fire comes
out at the top and destroys the cities n,
the bottom, II there are any" A water.
shed is mountain like cave, by which
the river flows. A steppe is n mount
ain in France; and last, not least, we
learn that 1--WE can 60 from London tc
Liverpool by the Brighton & South Coas,
Limo" Equally ingenious and curious
are tho answers in grammar One boy