News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-03-05

| tGlIluC
The pastor approached the hat ant
beheld new-laid egg.
Holding up the hen fruit, he exclaimed
sarcastically:
''She has contributed her all VIII
you allow yourselves to be outdone by a
hen %
The effect was electrical
In less than twenty minutes there was
over forty-five cents in the pool.
Francisco Post.
THE INDIAN WAS SOBER.
The other day q rather fresh tourist
got off the cars at a way station on the
Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe. Seated
on a stone, with dirty blanket wrapped
around him, was an aborigine. He had
on moccasins and wore scalp lock, and
was just such wild Indian as the imag-
NATIVE tourist desired TO meet. The
latter danced before him, waved an i'm
palpable tomahawk in the air, gave a
whoop and yelled:
Big Injun2 Great chiefP Wah /"
The buck grunted.
"Killum heapl Heap scalp ?" shouted
the tourist. Again the buck grunted
and looked surprised.
"Where's wigwam Love pale face ?"
"What in thunder are you talking
about ?" said the buck. care you
drunk ?"-PiHSbor0 Chronicle.
NOT HIS NAME.
Out in Xenia, Ohio, there is bright
lawyer. There is a score of them in fact,
but this bright particular legal star is
Henry Warrington. I call him Henry
Warrington because that is not his name.
His real name appears on the playbills
of youth" Well, the Second Advent
lists came to Xenia one time and the
preacher did n lot Of street preaching.
One day Lawyer Warrington stopped to
listen to him Just at the time when he
was wanted in court, and bailiff came
to the window to call him. The preacher
was just shrieking: "And who will be
damned? Who will be damned 7"
Roared out the stentorian tones of the
bailiff over the way: "Henry Warning
ton Henry Warrington p And Henry
only said he would be, if he was. Only
he didn't say it just that way. Bur
DETTE.
IN A CHICAGO HORSE CAR.
81 think man who will smoke in
car with ladies is no gentleman" said
one Iady to another in Madison street
car yesterday.
The man across the aisle paid no at
tention to the cutting remark, but sent
Whit on Whit in the direction of the
ladies.
"Gracious p remarked the other lady,
coughing distressingly, sit is dreadful
to breathe the nasty stuff into our lungs
this way"
conductor, called the first lady,
''will you make that beast over there
stop smokingP'
"Bless ye, ma'am, he hain't smoking
That's is breathe ye see."
BOARDING HOUSE MARKETING.
"What shall 1 order this morning,
mum ?"
'You may order some beans, about a
quart, I guess, one quart of chickory,
one pint of condensed milk and five
pounds of sugar, and
Yes mum, but you know Ne szfrrr-
son complained that his coffee WASH
strong enough only this morning"
"Thats SO. L had almost forgotten
about it. 1 guess you can order an
other quart of chickory. - Z6cas 'Sift-
| ings.
TOO FRESH.
A young gentleman who was pledged
to take young lady to a party, re-
marked on the afternoon previous to the
event that he was going home to take
sleep in order to be fresh.
"That's right" she replied, "but dc
not sleep too long"
"Why ?" he asked.
"Because," she answered, ''I do not
want YOU to be too fresh. "-aSche1aectddy
| Union. -
The sleigh bells tinkle merrily,
The moon shines cold and bright,
And Claribelrs laugh cheerily
Rings out upon thssnight.
| The grind and crackle of the snow
| Is music to her ear,
| She only thinks Chow fast we go ~
| Nor has she care nor fear;
Happy behind the flying span
| She sits beside her Will,
| Who thinks "I wonder if l can
| Get trusted for the bill?'
Boston Post.
DIDN'T LIKE TO HAVE HER WAY.
81 tell you 1 shall do as l please +
shouted Mrs. Milf.
"WelI, we'll, my dear. didn't say
YOU couldn't" replied Mr.. Milf.
"And you can't stop me i
"I didn't say 1 could, my DEAR"
"You'd better not try ! !! y
"Indeed, indeed, my dear, won't. "
ssThat's Just all such brute cares
about his wife l!lr' and Mrs. Mill pre-
pared to cry her eyes out.
A FOLLOWER.
An American strolled into a fashion
able church just before the services be-
gan. The sexton followed him up, and
tapping him on the shoulder, and point
ing to a small cur that had followed him
into the sacred edifce, said:
"Dogs are not admitted"
"That's not my dog" replied the
visitor.
'But he follows you.
"Wen, so do you"
The sexton growled, and removed the
dog with unnecessary violence.
MATTER OF INTEREST.
"Oh, Mr.. Smith, said young lady
at a church fair, 81 want your help for O
moment"
Certainly" replied Mr.. Smith,
"what can I do for you?"
81 have just sold tidy for SIS thai
cost fifteen cents, and want you to tel
me what percentage that is.
"a transaction of that kind, my deal
Miss B. ;" said Mr.. Smith, who is law
yer, "gets out of percentage and intC
larceny. ."-Drake's Magazine.