Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-01-11
AN OLD REpRoBArE
Tells OF the Tricks He Played Upon
His Anxious Wife.

AMcNkn lflpuNes
"You see, Martha got into the habit
OF sitting up for me Mt an early age,
and she can't break u OIL. | couldn't
persuade her TO go to bed and mind
her own business, SO | studied on the
matter. We live In one of the center
houses ola block OF five.story-Rnd.attic
buildings. There's scuttles In the
roofs of all OF them, and | persuaded
Mr.. Greenup, who lives In the ndipln-
ing house, to let me la his house
last night about 1 o'clock, and 1
went up through the sCuttle and over
To mine, and so down into our bed
room. ! could see Martha, from the
head Of the stairs, sitting in the front
room cycling the clock with look that
was very tart chrome. But l I'M
dressed and quiz tly got in bed, and
there lay quietly awaiting develop.
ments. Every now and then I'd hear
Martha give a short, fidgety cough.
Then I'd hear her get up and prance
around the room little, aud by and
bygo 90 the front windows and slam
the shutters.
AFTER I'd lain there about an hour.
! heard her get up and 90 stand out on
the front steps for n good Ave minutes
Then che came i'm and slammed the
door and locked it and commenced
coming up stairs. Every other step
she'd say: oh, the wretch. Won't L
! give IL To- him! know where he isl
| ] know where heisl Hence dn'Lthink
10 deceive nae! Oh, the vlllainv Bout
the time she had nearly got TO the
! landing think she must have seen
| the light streaming out of the door
! that I'd left aiar | could hear her
| stop ana then / commenced to snOre
/ was afraid 10 look, you know,
but could feel her cautiously come
up 10 the door aud look In. Wen, sir,
| I'd given my pension from the war Of
| 1870 TO have seen her about the time
/ she saw 10 was me, I'm bet Il was fun.
! But / was afraid to do anything hut
snOre. Then che came into the room,
aud, by the way she breathed aud
stood around had to nearly bite my
tongue off TO keep u straight lace on
rne. i could feel that she sat down in
"A chair, and was dumbfounded.
never let on but kept on snoring like
thunder; but when she kicked over a
chair turned and pretended 10 wake
up, kind of daz d like, and says:
"'Why, Martha, dear, amt you
come 10 bed yet?'
"'JArphly,' said Bhe, awful slow and
solemn like, when did you come in?'
"'Why, must he four or five hours
ago. Don't you remember when /
told you not to 90 To sleep again In the
rocker, but 10 como mp to bed?' and !
turned over and protested 10 go to
sleep again,
"She never made any reply, but
acted In a dazed, bewildered sort OF
way, and when she got 10 bed could
tell she didn't sleep wink for three
hours.
"This morning IL was fun 10 watch
Martha. could hardly keep q
straight face. At the breakfaat-lablt
and all the time / was about the house
she'd eye mo when she thought
wasn't looking; then, when I'd notice
her, she'd turn away aud be awfully
busy at something. She caught me
kind Of gfinning once, and, by George
thought the explosion was about e
cnmet but 1t didn't, though
the look Of blank, unfathom
able suspicion she wore on her face al
the time was the greatest chow OF
earth. II nearly broke me up, ans
I've laughed Till my ribs ache eve
3 since. know II won't last. 1 know
: there's a day Of repentlnR a-cominR
; and the Thermometer is going up clea
9 out Of sight Ina the Jarphly family
: But who's going after trouble? III
come soon enough without hunting Il
and I'm going 10 enjoy that souttl
Ia the roof until the explosion comes.