The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-06-10
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The lay Of the song birds-Eggs.
A fright smart" thing-Horse radish.
A type righter-Tho printer who sets
pi.
Linimeuts go up as roller skates come
down.
The root of evil is a hog in o flower
garden.
The whale first blubbered when it
couldn't hold Jonah.
They are all 'hcad clerks'' in the
barber shop.-Boston Bulletin.
Aeronauts are very much taken up with
their profession, like tramps and house
breakers.
"a piece of lemon bound upon a corn
will cure it," a sort of a lemon.ald, as
it were Graphic.
Domestic pursuits-Chasing the man
of the house with q broomstick. bur-
lington Free Press.
The only time that nature gets the
''blues' and shows blue blood is when
driving a nail a nail is mashed.
There is only one thing sadder than
death, and that is a seat in a theatre be-
hind a four. story hat DO ton Post.
1t is impossible for leopards to escape
when once in confinement, for they arc
always ~'spottcd. Merchant 1rausIsr.
eyes" said the dudeliug, as he
gathered himself up, 1.-THE hardest thing
about roller skating is the floor."-Lye.
The skating Kinks should make a deal
of money. The patrons come down
handsomely every night.-B'"oa Tran
script.
Clear down to vegetation's roots
The solar warmth now reaches,
And girls are trimming bathing suits
For MASKING at the beaches.
Boston Courier.
There are certain social grades IN
every rank of life. Even the poor fisher
man is obliged to draw the line some
where. -Boston Courier.
t'All is not gold that glitters," OBJ:
served the philosopher, just after he had
absent.mindedly picked up a red-hot
horse lloe.-LoweN Citizen.
MAN is born to rule the world" says
q philosopher. Woman is born to rule
man. No philosopher says this, but it
is a fact nevertheless. - Graphic.
It is much harder work for q man to
care for his children m hour and a hall
while his wife is OF church than to run a
fox all day Waterloo Odeer0'r.
A Southern woman has in use a roll.
ing-pin bought when she was married
siXty.one years ago. Iler HUSBAND mas
evidently behaved himself. Call.
"a talking machine has just been in
vented in Vienna" says an exchange.
The dickens you say! Why, we married
one ten years ago!-Newmm Mriependent.
Now the faithful funny writer
'.Mong the dust of ages pokes,
For the summers work preparing
Restricting baseball jokes
ST. Paul Herald.
An exchange says: "How shall we
prevent nice from gnawing the bark of
fruit trees ~ Kill the mice, of course.
A dead mouse never gnaws bark
Graphic.
hen TIC ildu .IolU ulo Aouoiooy oAe
fed him wooden biscuits, she didn't get
mad, oh, no. she smiled and
told him board was so cheap that-but
the story is too sad to conclude. -AAr'
Chant 1rwre!er.
There was a man in Norristown,
And he was very tall;
He went into the skating rink
And pOt n heavy fall.
And when he found himself laughed at,
With all his might and main
He quickly sprang upon his feet
And fell right down again.
-NorriStown Herald.
The other day a Newark physician,
who suspected that some n was peep
ing through the keyholc of his office
door, investigated with a syringe full OF
pepper sauce. He found his wife, half
an hour afterward, with a bandage over
her left optic. She told him that she
had been cutting wood and a chip had
hit her in the eye.-Co:rier. Journal.