Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-07-17
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

upon, has n SCENE side.
When Mrs Dudley gets out of the asy-
lum, wouldn't it be Il good idea to invite
her to become an honorary member of
some rifle press club.
Six thousand old brasses have been
sent to Abyssinia from New York, to
be sold to the heather for idols. Here's a
new field of usefulness for superannuated
book agents.
radical writer says that sliced cucum-
bers will remove freckles. So they will
Freckled people are Just as liable to
fatal disea SEES as anybody
Political taXidermy-stufIng ballot
boxes.
The man who frequents the saloon is
apt to get things mixed.
A Wisconsin editor has taken $50 bottles
of pain-killer on advertising. His phys-
clans say that he will never more feel
any pain.
A school journal advises, Make the
school intensely interesting" That's
what the small boy tries to do, to the best
of his ability.
There is no miserable hidebound spirit
of eXclusiveneSs in Tennessee. A man who
is to be hung there can invite three friends
to the execution.
THERE'S no Order of the Bath in America,
but any man who wears dirty linen is CON
sidered eligible upon the payment of 25
cents for towels and soap.
A Long Island man recently attempted
to drive Il nail into Il can of nitro .glyCer-
inc. The hammer was found over in New
Jersey, but the nail and the man are still
missing.
what shall | name country seat ?"
asks IA correspondent. If it is the kind of
country seat we have had most of our ex-
perience with, we should call it "custard
pie"
1t is reported that a number of Chey-
enne bands have left their reservation.
We hope they won't feel called upon to
give any open air concerts in this part of
the country
A single stroke OF lightning recently
killed two mules in Georgia We should
just like to have been around when that
thunderbolt got back to Olympus, and
heard it brag.
w ii S,
with IA peculiarly sad and thoughtful cast
of countenance, you may be pretty sure he
is thinking what an awful hand to twist
wrists IA green apple would be, if it only had
a few more fingers.
A New York man was recently arrested
for throwing plates and dishes at his wife.
This has always been looked upon as "A
privilege sacred to woman, and the man
who transgresses it deserves to be pun
ishel
a refined and beautiful graduate of
Nassar college, while writing up the Sal
vationsts for IA New York paper became
converted, and is now one of their prin-
cipal speakers. We shall paste this item
on the wall and when young ladies come
in to ask why we can't give them Job at
reporting, we shall call their attention to
it,
The World's special train to Boston has
provoked a poem from George Francis
IRAN, who Is a sort of a special train him
selt.-NcU York ITOrld.
In Cochin China bad eggs are preferred
to fresh ones. The Cochin Chinese ought
to buy their groceries in America Louis
uUtG courier journal
A large lump of copper has been found
in gravel pit in Wisconsin, and they are
searching after skeleton in the neighbor-
hood-the bones of a Chicago insurance
agent. He must have died when his
check dropped Otf.-DetrOt Free Press.
The surest way for an old man to live
long is to keep warm according to a learn
td physician. II any old man desires to
follow this advice let him publish his will
before he dies. This rule always works.
NcW lOrk Grdphic.
An Arizona paper says that the Ameri-
can hog holds his own. If that is all he
did there would be no objection but he
reaches across the table and grabs the
portions of all the other boarlers.-Ne,U
lOrk Iribuue.
ParneIlite to friend in a whisper
"There,s a head coming up above the
crowd Friend-"Whst whose is it ;"
Faith, think it's Sallsbury's" Never
mind whose it is, hit t."-PittSburg
Chronicic-TClcgrdph.
There is gorge in Yellowstone Park
where no sound can be heard. When this
becomes generally known, married men
of large families will flock thither for
their vacations citizen.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox's recent poem on
Malaria" has shaken up some of her
critics. They aver that if the disease isn't
now driven from the face of the earth
nothing will ever dlslodge it.-NeU York
JOUThui
A ball game was played near Fall River
last Saturday where the striker and catch
or stood in Massachusetts and the tielders
in Rhode Island. 1t was agreed before
playing that Il ball knocked over into Con
necticut should give ii home run.-LoWcI
citizen.
"Iou are looking tough, O Diogenes, :"
quoth Socrates, Nov, by the dog, what
have you been doing ~
Il have been searching for an honest
man in the Chicago city council, replied
the grim philosopher, mourntully.
,Wlth what result - inquired the
other