Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-02-19
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

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AyouBg man had been boring q
young lady with his attentions foI
some tune past, although on various
and sundry occasions she had given
him to understand that he was distaste-
ful to her. A few evenings ago he as
sured her that he WAS anxious to fnlfill
her every wish. IL II really n fact
you will do whstsver ask OF you %
Your slightest wish IN law. Com
mand me, and shall obey" Well,
then, wish you would seo If you can
induce my mother TO mary you. She
Is widow, and 10 not as particular
about whom she marries as am
Herr Bretzsl, who has . telephone at
his house, called lately at the central
Office and complained as follows
Look "a here, my vrent, tidp't you
dole me dot dellervone shbeak Cher.
man unit converse In Cherman?" Yee,
sir" replied the manager. Veil, by
chiminety, dalk Cherman TO dot del
lervone y yesterday nit bolideness, mt
py unit py it say Hailooi Phawt
air 70 jabberin ? Come of, ye old
Dntcbyp / tondt allow no dellervone
to sass me- dot way. Dake Id away r.
A gentleman who was going 70 take
his family to see q performance, was
surprised to see his wife packing q
large trunk and filling two large bss-
kets with eatsbles just before starting.
what ON earth are you doing that
for?" inquired the husband. "Why,"
returned the wife. cit says on the play
bill that six weeks elapse between the
first and secoI d acts"
The poor woman had stepped upon On
upturned tack, and her condition grew
serious until ply stefan WAS consulted.
He was explaining to her husband,
who said: "And do you think, Doctor,
that she will have the lock jaw" " I'm
afraid 20, my man" "Tbank you, sir
thank You. Those are the frst
encouraging words I've bad.'
"Why, Esther - exclaimed mother
10 her misbehaving little girl" why,
Esther, how you do act. Why IL 1t that
You can never behave as nicely M little
Mary Brown doss ?" Esther looked IN
and said We'll, l suppose It 10 be-
cause Mary's mamma has brought her
up better than you have mo-"
doctor, want to thank you for
your great patent medicine" 1t helped
you, did iL?" asked the doctor, very
much pleased. I" 1t helped me wonder
fully" "How many bottles did you
find IL necessary to take?" "Oh,
didn't take any VI It, Ny uncle took
one bottle, and I am his sole heir.'
When mans wife comes In and
sees him, razor in hand, and with his
face all lather. and asks him, "Are
you shaving ?" 1t 10 u PROVOKING thing
for him TO answer "No, 1 am black
ing the stove 70 But It IL human nature
30 to reply when women DO such
things.
Restaurani-keeper: "Jolp, what
kind of meat did you order to- iay?'
Steward: "Veal, sir" "Only yeai?''
Then he sat down and wrote on The bill
of fare: Chicken pie. Iri.h stew,
roast veal, beef la mode, corn. peel
hash, veal pie"
At wedding recently whsn the of.
fciatiDg clergyman put to tue lady tins
question, Wilt thou have this mar
TO be thy welded husDand?" she drop
ped the prettiest cour esq, and with u
modesty which lent her beauty al
additional grace replied III you
please
Did you know my departed broth.
er?'' once asked missionary of q New
leland chief. Yes, me- know him
well" Was he not good and teu
der-hearted inan?" Yes," said Tie
quandam savage; 4" he very good AID
very tender. Me eat piece Of him. q
When a man marries q fashionable
youn2 lady and goes TO housekeeping,
he shoe Id always buy n healthy dog
and the tealthier the dog IL the bettsl
for his purpose, IL he wants to try the
effect OF her pie-crust upon 1t before be
INDUCES In It himse.f.
He WIS carving at dinner, and he
thought he must talk 10 the aesthetic
looking angel on his right. "How
do you like Beethoven 2" asked he,
at q venture. Well DONE" said he,
promptly, interested in the business al
hand.
A widow intending to succeed Ier
husband IN the management of m
hotel, adveitlHes that " 1hs hotel will
be- kept by the widow Of the former
landlord, Mr.. Brown, who died las,
summer on new and improved
plan"
Why am like o railway mag.
nate" asked young farmer, as he
returned from the barn. The entire
family gave 1t mp, whereupon the
young farmer said: Because l have
been watering the stock"
Here is q gem, alleged 10 have been
found In the letter of young lover
Dearest lcve, have swallowed the
postage-stamp which was on your let.
ter, BECAUSE l knew that your lips had
touched it,
A bright little girl who had sue.
c@ufuily spelled the word that" was
asked by her goverpess what would 10.
main after the At" had been taken
away. The dirty cups and sauoere,''
wa the reply.
A little girl in town was trying to
tell her mother how beautiful certain
lady could trill In singing, and said
ION, mamma, you ought to hear her
garsie, the does It so sweetly II
Mistress (horriied): Good gracious
Bridget, have you been using one of my
stockings to strain the cuffee tbrougb?''
Bridget (apologetically):" Viz, mum,
but shure didn't take clane one"
EnrOute 10 New Orleans.
tcoMMuSIoh TKD.l