The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-04-18

AAsS S00At@Ae
 !" ! sell a very fine article of genuine avana cigars, six for five cents, and if Icy don't give satisfaction, take back gars that have been smoked little" How wonderful are the ways of Provi- ence. In Maine where no whisky can got there are no snakes or centipedes, hile in Texas there are plenty of both, nd whisky is accessible to all.
 The clerks in the Bank of France have cen compelled by the directors to shave fl their mustaches. The directors had Q curiosity, 1t seems, to know what the Jerks had for breakfast every morning. < Have you many children {" asked the hayor of Dallas of woman who applied pr charity.
 !" No, not many"
 @How many2"
 "Ten. Five boys-and eight girls" A hard working man applied to a Dal- hs politician to see if he stood any chance f getting in as a deputy, now that the lection was over. "Too late," was the eply. "All the vacant offices are filled lready."
 "Now, Uncle Gabe, if you have got nything on your heart, any last wish, peak out," said Rev. Whangdoodle baxter to an old negro who had only ew hours to live.
 "I ain't got no last wish 'cept dat |ants ter get we'll"
 "Talking about special providence, ever believed in them until now," said Dan McGary, of Houston, to visitor. "What has occurred to make you be- eve in them nowP
 " Why, I have got leaky cistern, and has been raining every day for almost month."
 "Gus," said fast young man of Dal- Is, to his companion, eff you had to be unned every day, where would you Rther be dunned In the street, or up your room?"
 up in my room, of course"
 "l suppose you would prefer to be unned up in your room because you ont want anybody to know that you owe honey."
 "Oh, no, don't care a cent what peo- le say about me, but I prefer to be unned up in my room so can have the Rtisfaction of kicking the collector down be stairs. When you live on the ground GOT you can't kick a man down stairs" When Sam Houston was president of he republic, the congress of Texas took kception to Houston being in the habit
 giving them his messages orally, and sisted that he should write them out 1; lat the habit of delivering them orally las highly dictatorial, and lacking in re- pect fer congress. Houston agreed to onform to their wishes, and as the next ay was the one set apart for the delivery his inaugural, he made his appearance D the halls of congress with roll of pa- Ter in his hand, tied with red tape, and marked in large letters, Inaugural" He addressed them with the roll in his hand, waving it gracefully that all might see it, md on concluding, handed it with bow b the clerk, and strode out of the cham Der. On being opened it was found to 'e roll of blank paper.
 Instances of marriages resulting from correspondence between strangers are |ery frequently heard of, but Chicago paper tells different story about pair, vbo after exchanging letters, met by ap- pointment in that city. The surprise with which she discovered that he, in. tead of being twenty seven, tall, dark, and aristocratic, was forty-six, stumpy, Fed-headed, fat, bow-legged, was only equaled by the rapturous amazement with which he discovered that she, in- stead of being willowy oi figure, just Eighteen, with warm golden hair, and hn opalesque complexion, and blue eyes ike limpid lakes, was six feet one if she vas an inch, 6fty-two if she was day, weighed three hundred pounds if she weighed an ounce, and with no yellow, br any other kind of hair of her own.
 SPIRITUAL CONSOLATION.
 Gilhooly came home from attending a yard meeting, the other night, rather ate, but full of enthusiasm and some hing else, that smelled very much like he slops that the barkeeper throws out into the streets early in the morning. Mrs. Gilhooly did not say much, neither Af r. Al | f A1. T-s s-l