Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-04-18
wit and Hunsr.

"am not handsome?"
aye" replied the turkey, Gin your own
eyes; but 1 put up a perpetual thanks
giving that was not Matched so vain as
you"
81 should think Thanksgiving was rath-
er a tender subject for you" reioined the
peacock, pluming himself
Not at all, j." said the farmer, who had
been listening to this interchange of civ
| iLities; she is a tender subject for Thanks
/ giving!" And so saying, he caught up
the turkey and carried him off TO market
"Wel, WE'LL" said the peacock, "I'm
! glad Pm too handsome to eat, and that
/ fine feathers don't always make fine birds
| according to the COOKS. Nicholas 1t
naanac.
The Western reporter who set out to
interview a Northern Pacific Railroad
official found him in a high state of in
| dignatiOn.
"some of those Eastern papers," he
said, "seem to take a delight in lying
about us!"
Exactly, sir, have noticed that my
self"
"Now here is one claiming that we
| have lately discharged 200 employees on
/ account of lack of business. Why, sir.
instead Of that we have had to put 400
extra men at work !"
son account of the rush"
"Well, yes-rush Of snow, which has
buried most of our line six feet deep; but
it shows business and enterprise just the
same Pr Wall Street Ne1Us.
The tall boarder looked at the landlady
and then down at the chicken leg on his
plate.
81 Mrs. Hatch, +" he said with a sad smile,
"did this chicken come to the house on
crutches %
"Of course not; what do you mean p"
she inquired in amaZement.
Nothing much, madam, I guess; only
I didn't quite understand how it could
get along on gum leg if it didn't have
Crutches
To Let, with Board-One third-story
back-roOm for gentleman.-Mercha1lt
Traveller.
The boy, apparently very much agita-
ted, rushed into q house, recently, and
said to the lady:
81 don't want ter alarm yer, but I've
got big news. The man sent me up from
the livery stable to tell yer"
GOOD heavens, what is it?"
'Why, you know your little boy, Al
eek, what the man can't keep Outen the
livery stable round the cOrner?"
eyes, well?"
/. 81 told Aleck just now not to go inter
the stable among the horses, but he
wouldn't mind me-
20 dear! what has hsppened2"
"He said he wanted to see what
mule would do when yer tickled its
20 heavensl" gasped the lady, and
cluqg to the mantle for support.
"Well, sir, yer boy Aleck got a straw,
snuCk up benin a sOTrel mule, tiCkled
him on the heels an -
The lady started for the door.
can the blamed critter never lifted a
hoOf," called the boy. "Never as much
as switched its tail. It's mighty good
thing for Aleck that he didn't, to; an I
thought I'd come up an tell yer" And
he lodged out at the side entrance
Germantown Telegraph.
Justice (colored) when I said dat de
man wasn't straight what did you say?
Witness-I said OATS so.
Justice-And when 1 said dat de man
was crooked what did you saw
Witness-I said OATS so.
Justice-And when said dat de man
wasn't upright what did you say?
Witness-I said OATS so.
Justice-And now you swear you
didn't say de man was dishonest
Witness-NO more did. / fought you
referred to de rumatics dat de man had.
-NelU York AdUertiser.
He shot his head in at the police sta
ton and asked, 'Any smart men here?"
ayes, sir, replied Officer 1allOy, be-
tween Havana Whiffs; Il am al your ser
vice."
"Oh, you are2 Well, I want to ask you
this question: Germans in Germany are
Germans. When they come TO Calif0r-
mia, what are they2"
Germans still"
"And Italians2"
italians still"
"And FreGch?"
tStil French"
"And Irishmen?"
"Irishmen still"
"I'n bet you a dollar they ain'tT'
CANT? Well then, what are they?"
Policemen
Officer 1Ialloy whistled softly 60 him
self and took a spin around the block
Stockton Mail.
At a recent social gathering in st.
Louis General Sherman was present.
Said a young lady resident:
''He doesn't look ike a literary man.
ooh, he isn't, said another young lady
resident.
aDidn't he write "SehooI for ScandaI?"
"Mercy, you are thinking of General
Sheridan. He isn't here tO-nig- t."-E2r-
change.
Things better left unsaid, or said 9TH
erwise. Edwin (yYho is fond Of lecturing
his future bride)-Weu. good-by, Angy.
don't know how 1t is, but / always
seem to leave you In tears. Angeline
(tenderly through her sobs)-L-I'd
sooner you should leave me in tears,
love, than never leave me st all.''-L'LEeE-
"Were you ever wounded in the meiee,"
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