The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-05-21

For the roller skates HOppcu MN
Ten feet through tho AIR.
Bind up his bruises.
His fractures reduce:
For his liver and lights
Are all shaken loose.
Go quick for tho DOCTOR
BRING bandage Add lints:
box for each leg.
And an arnful OF splfnts.
or. pick him up gently,
Or he'll tail apart;
For he hadn't gu tie mastered
The beautiful arc.
Carl Pretzet's WeeAtg.
CoRoNER-"I have just held an in
quest over the body OF man found
drowned, but we are unable to identify
him." Citizen-"It may be Jack Short.
He has been missing for week"
Coroner-"You knew Short, did your"
Citizen-"Knew him we'll" Coroner
Would you be abe to identity him, do
you think? ?" Citizen-"Oh, yes; easily.
he had an impediment in his speech.
ST. PETERS GATE.
Who dat knockin' at dat do'2
ON, Uncle Pete, let me in.
What 70 name. chile. down below?
Use Orlando Thomas Green.
Who robbed Nam Parsons melon row?
Oh, tadder feter, fosget.
An pile de rinds outside her do?
Dat Bill Jones, Use w1llin' to bet.
Who stole de Deacon's turkeys youngf
Oh, Uncle Pete. dunno.
An in de we'll DER fedders flung?
Dat some mean white trash, I'M sho.
Orlando Green, you liar boldl
You're not elected by seb'ral votes
Yo' can't come into dis yer fold,
Orlando Thomas; 20 wild degoats!
Life.
INVISIBLE friends gathered around
the bedside of the dying man, said
Texas preacher while delivering a
funeral discourse over the body of a
man whose death had resulted from the
torments OF delirium tremens. Next
day the paper had it Invisible fiends
gathered around the bedside of the
dying man." The family of the dead
man could not be persuaded that it
was simply the result of printers
dropping an +, and were with difficulty
restrained from precipitatlng another
funeral on the community.
THE WISE VIRGIN.
Oh sister, all the week you've worn
Your stockings creamy white;
Why do you deck your limbs this morn
In hosiery 30 bright!
II seems a shame that you should wear
The ones you have on nov;
They are so beautiful, my dear.
And they II be spoilt, vow.
Why don't you wear older pair
And save those others till
Next summer. when We 70 up there
To Hotel kaaterskill?
The elder sister gave n glance
And scornfully said
AN idea never seems TO dance.
My darling. through your head.
when days are bright Ill wear the white,
But when the day is wet
I'll wear the pair that's new and bright
They'll see them them you bet.
"PA," asked little Hyson of his mel
ancholy parent, "why cont children
get married." Because, my son."
replied old Hyson, "the law, the state,
recognizing their helplessness, their
inability to take care of themselves,
their innocent ignorance of the wiles
and snares laid for their feet by design
ing wo-persons, throws about their
helplessness the strong arm of its pro-
lection and keeps them from the
clutches of -" Keeps them from
what?" strident voice remarked from
the immediate vicinity of the kitchen
door, as a tall, womanly figure APP
peared, wiping the dough from a pair
of gaunt arms with sharp elbows,
"keeps 'em from what?" And old Hy-
son just sat there, swallowed and
breathed hard, and thought and thought
and thought, and for the life of him he
couldn't think what he was going to
say, or rather what he wanted to sub
stitute for what he was going to say
Burdette, I'M Literary Life.