The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-02-03
EEESE
Mr.. BARD0LPH BOTTLES.
A Type of Man that Everybody
Knows.
Dorm PlaGt Tells ofthe sutIer. soldiers
Statesman, SwIndIer, and Pleas
ant Fellow A Champagne
Mystery and Its Results.

The Hon. Bardolph Bottles-I call him
that because that is not his name-is
sentlsman-and call him SO because it e
bolits-of stout body, horid complexion,
With the little mind he possesses spread all
Over him
BY this mean that the Hon. Bottles
has bis character and force thereof more
n his temperament than in his development
Of brain. All men of action are more or
Tess OF this sort. All men of thought are
the reverse. That Is, thought begets eau
fou and distrust In one. The absence Of
thought gives place to confidence and quick
scticn, which satisfies the masses, and makes
the prompt, conceited man leader of men,
II the last named is lucky, and he is apt
TO be, and is solemn enough, he wins mon.
ument. 'tAn the great monuments of earth
were built TO solemn asses" said the witty
and eloquent Tom Corwin.
Now, Bottles is not solemn, and therefore
will miss his monument. But Bottles does
not want a monument He can tell you
that he does not want monument, if he did
be would buy one, for Bottles is a million
airs. He would rather use his money in the
purchase of congressman, sailing of mines,
Organizing construction companies for the
building of railroads and other processes of
an ingenious sort, throug b which money may
be accumulated.
Monuments, sir9 What the blank do I
want with monuments Monuments don't
pay What is it to old George that he has
snnoks-stack six hundred feet highs They
call that monument. 1 suppose it is. 1t
is certainly not anything else 1 wouldn't
give three dollars and thirty seven and a
hale 49, g. - ~
ing purposes. Wouldn't be a bad dodge"
end the Honorable Bottles will laugh until
his round face gets redder than ordinary.
Ny here hsgan active life when quite
young as stable boy. He picked up his
tsading and writing as be did old clothes,
ana worn hats and toeless shoes. AS for
arithmetic, 1t came to him, as Dogberry as
serted of the kindred branches, by nature,
but he did not thank God for 1t, any more
than he did for his fat nose and cunning
disposition.
he developed into a jockey, and rode
vacersko win or lose, as he was paid town
bRloss. When grown too heavy for this, he
bought the stock of a failing liquor dealer.
BE opened lager beer saloon at the en-
trance of a camp meeting ground. The
pious men who established this camp of the
Lord IN the wilderness Of sin could prohibit
the sale Of alcoholic liquors t9itRinA mile of
their tents, but there was someIsort Of
mystery about beer that baff1ed ali their of.
forts. They were forced to buy out Bottles,
hn his own terms, and Bottles was pleased
with the transaction
Bardolph used his money to purchase a
billiard room, and, back of this room. opened
3 gambling resort. The young men enter
Ing the gilded saloon for game of billiards
were invited back to supper, and when
we'll stimulated with liquor were robbed un.
der show of gambling. A few defalca.
lions, several thefts by clerks, and at last
suicide upon the premises, made the bust
ness sstoo hot for him. as Bottles expressed
it, and he sold the billiard room and aban-
donsd the place.
The war breaking out about this time,
Bottles, full of patriotic enthusiasm, joined
the army as sutler. This was Bottles
worst speculation, owing TO the sudden and
continuous retreatsof our armies that occur
red, although we have quite forgotten the
fact, during the first two years of the war,
s'profts did not accrue" On the contrary,
Bottles was so reduced in pocket that he was
forced to ask for, and secured, q commission
Ia the army. ffEe
Now, Bardolph, unlike the warrior have
named him after, is a plucky fellow, and he
fought his men at all hours, on all occasions,
and rose rapidly in rank. One day, when
the shoeless, shirtless, half-starved host of
rebels, under Leo, were falling back, IeaYN
ing behind them highway Of dead and dy-
ing, Bottles made one of his impetuous rushes,
and got hurt by the dying tiger. Ashot
through his shoulder lifted Bottles from his
saddle, and twenty soldiers carried him off
the field, with that tender solieitude always
shown by men going tosthe war, toward
wounded comrade.
As our hero had no limbs to amputate nor
wound that would justify any sort of sur.
gicaI operation, he was left to the good sis
tiers of charity to nurse into life. Z
The care given Bottles by the pious sisters
had religious influence on the man. He
win to this day knock man down who
dares to say aught against the Catholic
church. and he win swear the most awful
oaths, to strengthen his eulogy. often uttered,
of the patient angels who nursed him while
wounded.
While lying between life and death Bot
ties had time to gravely consider his condi.
tion, and, with pious determination, resolved
20 give up soldering and turn his attention
TO cotton.
As soon as he ''got on end" to use his own
phraseoiogy, he babe the sisters a tender
adieu, and, working his way to Washing
ton; solicited and obtained from Secretary
Chase permit to trade beyond our lines in
cotton. He was gallant soldier, decorated
with an ugly wound, and had right
therefore, to privileges.
1t was Bottles great opportunity, and he
seized it with avidity. His experience as
q sutler, and a soldier, added to his au'
dacity, made him take risks his brother
dealers In cotton shrank from. He found it
much easier to pierce our lines with cotton
than he had the enemy lines with bayopets.
He came out of the business with over two
hundred thousand dollars in bank.
After Lees surrender he was assigned to
duty, at his own request, in the Freedmen's
Bureau, and was sent south. From that
part of our great country he returned an
United States senator. He served two
terms in that solemn body, but was found
ineligible for third, owing to lien being
developed by the pendtentiary, from certain