davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
WIT AND HU NOR.


A few weeks ago, at q swell party in
Washington. the daughter of great
6dignitary appeared in such q scant
costume that II Was described - two
loops on the shoulder and belt arouu Il
the waist When she left the room Il
was whispered that she 'hai goae home
to dress.'
Your honor and gentlemen OF tie
jury, acknowledge the reference Of
counsel of the other side to my gray
hair. Ny hair is gray and will continue
to DO gray a. long as 1.-Two. The hair
Of that gentleman 10 black. and will
continue to be black as long AZ he dyes
Things said and done nalapropos
ars sometimes very amusing. Here is
an example:
On certain charge Of one of the
Methodist conferences in the Valley of
Virginia there was a change Of preach.
ers. The newly appointed ministers
name was Wolf. His predecessor was
. serious. solemn man, who could
scarcely appreciate joke when nade,
much less be guilty Of perpetrating one.
This preacher was presen. with the
Presiding Elder Of The district ut the
hrst quarterly meeting. The p. +. re-
quested him 10 close the morning service
on Saturday ia the usual way. Taking
the hymn book, the preacher looked
rather hurriedly for a hymn, and read.
with q solemn air:
Jesus. great Shepherd Of the sheep.
To Thee for help we hy;
The little flock in safety keep,
For, oh the acoIfis nigh
1t comes, OF hellish malice full,
To scatter, tear, and slay;
II seizes every struggling soul
As his own lawful prey.
The preacher, absorbed in his reading,
never noticed the amused smile that
lighted up every face in tho congrega-
siou.-- Harper's Magazine.
II is no wonder that tho Mormors
think highly OF their religion. It's
very rewiveing.
A Scotch nobleTan one Gay visited
lawyer at his Office, in which at the
time there was a blazing fife. which
led him to excIaim. Mr.. X. your office
is as hot as an oven.' so it should be,
my lord replied the lawyer, 1T j, here
make my bread.
DON'T You KNOW HIM?-We find tho
following in tue Lyuchburg News:
There was n man in our town, and
he was wondrous wise. for when lie
marked his prices down, he then did
advertise.
And when he saw his trade increase,
with all his might and main, he marked
s.ili lower every price and advertised
again.
And when he advertised again, his
rivals stamped and swore, to see folks
rush with might and main, to pa,ronize
that store.
And while they sat in solitude, and
saw him custom bring, that man behind
tho counter stood and raked tie shek-
sls in.
And when lie raked the shekels in,
and cav his fortune rising, he took q
goodly lot Of tin and kept on adver.
Using.
Each day q genuine sum bed seek,
and demonstrate full plain, the more
one pays for printers ink, the greater
is his gain
The Speaker OF the House-the wife
generally.
SHE WILL JOIN HIS CHURCH.
There is something that has proved
heavily on my mind ever since our en-
gagement, dear he said, but am al.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
ROUGH ON IrCH.

Rough on Itch cures bumors, sruption,. tiag
yorm, letter, salt rheum, frosted feet, chill
blains.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
THIN PEOPLE.

THIN PEOPLE.
Wells Health Remover restores health
and vigor. cures Dyspepsia, Headache,
Nervousness, Debility. 81.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

THE HOPE OF TIE NATION.
Children. slow in develo 1ment. puny, scraw.
", ssd delicate, use Wells Health I,enever.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
ROUGH ON TOOTHACUE

Instant relief for Neuralgia, Toothachs Face
ache. Ask for Rough on oo;hacbs. 10 and
IS cents.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
WHOOPING COIG;i

WHOUP1NG Cough,
and the man Throat Affections of chill.
dren. promptly. pleasantly and safely
relieved by Rough on Coughs. Troches
Is. Ralsam 25c.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

LIFE PRESERVER.
" yon are losing your grip on life try
WellE' Health Remover. Oivss direct to v I
spots.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

ROUGH On COUGHS
As't Rough on Coughs, for Coughs,
Colds, Sore Throat. uoarseness. Tro-
c. es, l5c. liquid, sc.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
The Speaker OF the House-the wife
generally.

SHE WILL JOIN HIS Church.
There is something that has preycd
heavily on my mind ever since our en-
gagement. dear he said, but am al e.
most afraid TO tell you Of it.
What is it the young woman asked
anxiously.
Il am somsmbulist.'
oh, is thot all she exclaimed, with a
Sigh of relief. Il have always been an
Universalist myself, but of course when
we are made one shall expect to at.
tend your church.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
Land Sale.

-:Oo:-
DY virtue Of authort vested in me BY de-
ID cree of the Circuit Court of Hampshire
COUNTY, West Va, rendered i'm the chan.
Gerry cause of John Michael and wife
as Jacob Michsel's hairs. &c. on the
18Th !av Of September. 1884, / will. on
the premises,
On the 17tb day of April, 1885.
sell at Pubic Auction, to the highest
bidder ttose two
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

kept in siock. and ut low prices. r,
hoIstering and Repairing rarD,,o,.
promptly attended to.
"iwiil keep thoroughly posted q,
oil new and tasteful designs Of Fun;
'ure shst I may tie a"lc to m, e, The \.
mands OF those who may favor me viii
thar vnlnAd ordnrs
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
Fresh Arrival
New Goods.

Having recently returned from Balti-
more have received beautiful
variety Fowers yle
CONS Dolls Guns-in fact almost everything
Nice Fresh Confectionery.
eFCa early Building opposite
uful presents hand for both the
F.. .l.s s,..a 3. Louisa HOuser.
Rouney, Nsv. g. 1884 asa.8
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
Tracts Of Land,

L faCtS OF Land,
lying on Hughes Run, in Hampshire
county, OF which jacob Michael died
seized aud possessed, one contaiuing
2O3 Acres,
more or less, aud the other PSI Acres.
more or less.
TERMS OF SALE :-One>,h Of the
purchase money in cash, and the residue
in 9 and IL MONTH. with interest from
day Of sale. the purchaser TO give bond
with good security, and the legal title
to be retained as further security.
III. y GILkESON,
Special Commissioner.
March IS. lS85-4w
hereby certify that II. y. Gilkes0n,
the Special Commss Toner in the above
named decree, has given The bond re
quired by said decree.
V. NJ. POLLING,
Clerk Circuit Court Hampshire Co
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03
Under this new system we intend
IL. Russell s. Bro,

Romney. Janary %, 1884
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

Your honor and gentlemen OF tie
jury, ] acknowledge the reference Of
connsel of the other side to my gray
hair. My hair 10 gray and will continue
to be gray a. long as 1.-Two. The hair
OF that gentleman 10 black. and will
continue to be black as long a. he dyes
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

A few weeks ago, at q swell party in
Washington. the daughter of great
dignitary appeared in such q scant
costume that II was described - Two
loops on the shoulder and belt arouu Il
tho waist When she left the room Il
was whispered that she 'had goae home
to dress.'
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-03

II ia no wonder that tho Mormors
think highly Of their religion. It's
very rewiveing.
National Republican., 1885-01-20
Throo rn,t yonng non Cono Wrono.

CHICAGO Jan. ia few days ago the firm
of Charles +. Kellogg IL Co. discharged from
their employ young man named X. T.
Powell rs the result Of an alteration between
the latter and well.known sporting man
CITY detectives who had noticed that Powell
was leading fast career suggested that the
firm examine his accounts. During the
investigation the firm discovered that
Walter Mills, the assistant cashier, had been
irregular In his habits, and he was
discharged last Monday. His salary was
s2,OJ( per year. Mills, q young man named
Charles w. James, and Powell were three
fast men. Together they dined regularly in
noted chop house, frequcntcd almost wholly
by sporting men. As soon as Mills had been
discharged an expert was put on rowelrs aud
Millss books. IL was discovered that
conspiracy had existed between
him and Mills, and that the two had
for several years been carrying on n system.
attic scheme Of pluudering. Mills wasa trusted
employc, aud UP To wednesday last, when
Powell was arrested, no one In tho house
would have questioned his integrity. Up to
that time the shortage Otthc two men approx
ilnatcd 5000, aud Il Is expected II will reach
$1,000. James, who Is also an cmplDye of the
ilrm, was Ut once arrested. Mills has disap.
upnFpd
National Republican., 1885-01-20

government would very readily accept the stu
ntiou5-what, / should like to ask, would be
the position taken up by the United States
with her millions certainly OF the finest mate
rial In the world for soldiers, but, alas. no ships
and sailors, or rather only sufficient ships and
sailors 70 die at their posts on the first on.
saught2
should not have taken the liberty OF
writing this account Of my experience of the
central American isthmus had it not been
unique, aud my respect for and admiration Of
the United states enough to make me devote
every energy Of mind aud heart to assist in
however small degree, the great aud useful
object which every real citizen Of this country
must feel can only rebound to the honor, the
dignity, and the commercial greatness Of his
country, aud which feel. instead Of a bone Of
contention, can bn made the means under
Providence of uniting the "wo1lth, strength,
and safety Of America and England with
HOOKS OF steel" BEDFORD PIN,
Captain Royal Navy.
2Ol2 HtltYER PLACE, Washington, ID. C., Jan.
n 1kND
National Republican., 1885-01-20
The Sinking Of tho Admiral MORRISON.

LONDON, Jan. l9.-The steamer Falcon
which came up with the wrecked steamer Ad-
miral AIoorsom also reports that the body of
man was found lying on the deck. She
rescued one woman and child aud three
men from the wreck. The weather was rough
and the Falcon was unable to take the wreck
in tow. On Saturday the steamship Lady
WoOdhouse succeeded In getting lines to tho
MOOrsoOm, but during heavy sea the ropes
parted and the Admiral MOorsom sank.
Nothing is known concerning the remainder
of the crew not already accounted for Par.
tiCulars ofthe disaster are coming in slowly.
National Republican., 1885-01-20

The following navy orders have bocn is.
sued: The orders Of Passed Assistant Engineer
X. H. Leitch to tho Gedncy have been revoked,
and he will continue on waiting orders; Lieut..
Comdr. r. VI. Barber, Naval Constructor f. l..
Fernald, and Chief Engineers Alex. Honder.
sOii aud h. b. II. Wharton, to temporary duty
at Chester connected with the advisory board:
Chief Engineer lsmc MCNhry, 10 temporary
duty at Jamaica Plains, Mass. connected with
advisory board; Naval Constructors w. IL.
Nnrncy and John II. lianscom to temporary
duty at New York connected with the advisory
board, and Lieut.. George 4. Emmons granted
extension of leuye for one month.
National Republican., 1885-01-20

NEW York, Jan. l9.-The excise law was en-
forced in the city Sunday as strictly as 1t ever
was, the police having been notified by Super.
intendent Walling that the liquor shops must
be closed on sunday, No Stranger could gain
Fourteenth street were closed There wus a
large number OF arrests during the day Five
hundred dealers met In Irving Hall in the
afternoon and adopted resolutions pledging
themselves to assist the police IN an impartial
enforcement of the law, believing that such an
enforcement would compel the citizens 10 do.
mand Il modification OF the statute.
National Republican., 1885-01-20
Murdered, Burned, and His Bones
Rnrled.

Buried.
William Druso, farmer in moder-
ato circumstances. whose residence was
in the town of Warren, Herkimer
county, New York, three miles from
Richtield, has been missing for q month.
Ho had had frequent quarrels with his
wife, and for several days II was rumored
that his wifo had murdered him, cut aud
burned the body, aud placed the bones in
IL swamp. An AK owned by Druse was
found rolled In paper at the bottom of
Weatherbee's pond on Saturday last. A
nephew of Mrs. Druse named Gates aged
Is years, was squeezed" by tho neigh
bors, and confessed that she had shot her
husband while he Gates and her own
were out of the house. Upon Gatess re-
turn Mrs. Druse put ropo around his
neck and compelled him to fire into the
body. Tho remains Of tho murdered
man wero then burned aud the bones
buried. The odor of burning flesh was
noticed in the vicinity of Druses hclse
on Dec. Is. Mrs. Drusc and Gates are
now under arrest. IL Is said that the
woman has admitted hor guilt.
HAVE you Roomsor Houses to Rent2 Try the
National Republican., 1885-01-20
AYERS
Cherry PGCt0ral

Il not new claimant for popular conf
dcnce, hut medicine which h to-day
saving the lives OF the third generation
who have come into being since it was
first offered to the public.
There Is not n household IN which this
Invaluable remedy has once been in
troquccd where its use has ever been
abandoned, and there Is not person
who has ever given Il u proper trial
for any throat or lung disease suSccp-
tible Of cure, who has not been made
well by II.
AYERS CHERRY PECTORAL has,
In numbrrlcsS instances, cured obstinate
cases Of chronic Bronchitis, Larnygitis,
and even acute Pneumonia, and has
saved many patients in the earlier stages
Of Pulmonary Consumption, II Is q
medicine that only requires TO be taken In
small doses, Is pleasant 10 the taste, aud Is
needed in every house where there are
children, rs there Is nothing so good as
AYERS CHERRY PECTORAL for treat
ment of Group and Whooping Cough.
These nre all plain facts, which can be
verified by anybody, and should be re-
membered by everybody.
Ayers Cherry PeCtOraI
PREPARED by
DR.. j. @. Aver 81 Co., Lowell, Mass.
Sold by all druggists.
National Republican., 1885-01-20

One year amor date, for vaile received, I
promise tu nay 10 the order of The pubilshcr
T. iVuoN ipfirWttriV the sum oC,,.dnllars
with ! t'rc-t nj pcr cent per puHuin after
maturity ll ~ unlur,toud and agreed that
20 pnr! OF the principal ut tbs uoto will be
. dcmhndci or nccom pnva L. tcycupt ut my
( p.,htutcl ~ long rs l remain pHld'up sub
sCriuCr to the ahovc-uRmCd uapcr
ISluupuI ...............
National Republican., 1885-01-20

THE Exposition Universellc de Part Culin
aire' awarded the highest honors to Angos
tura Bitters as the most eiliCaciOus stimulant
to excite the appetite and 70 Keep We digos-
inc article, manufactured only by DR.. j. q. Is.
Sicgert y Sons and beware of limitations
National Republican., 1885-01-20

ST. LOUIS, Jan. l9.-Advices from Kiowa
Indian reservation, Indian Territory, are to
che effect that those Indians are in distressed
and suffering condition, Notwithstanding the
aid furnished them by the government. Five
members of this tribe, evidently II hunting
party, were found frozen to death forty miles
north of Wichita Falls, Friday evening.
National Republican., 1885-01-20

NliblNt ltill'ut Your luuNi llIl tNfD Ia I the
OF sever ! %. yolr ueighhlrs 10 whom We can
rcier-uut ns to the am luut Of property YOU arc
worth. bit 70, to YOUR good character EvCry sub
srflhcr must positively agree to show the papof
unl present u to his friends and uciglihirs
VIII ne Aeui With tho money 20 the M Isrriuer's
nearest btnN W express office, uud no to.c need
n' slgn'd until the money " paid over. ScIi
ll' nlm'S OF soNrra references, and immediate
inquiry Will be made III no loan Is desired no
references need be sent
National Republican., 1885-01-20

The following orders were issued Saturday
from the war department: MAJ William S.
Tremaiue, surgeon, granted sick leave for one
year Acting Assistant Surgeon ;. II. Weirick,
now In this city, ordered to proceed to Pres
Crook for assignment TO duty.
" you want Help Houses, or Rooms, fur.
% cents,
National Republican., 1885-01-20

HAVE you Roomso or Houses to Rent2 Try the
"Rcnt" columns OF THE REPUBLICAN. Three
lines three times Tor - cents,
National Republican., 1885-01-20
CURRENT FUN.

A pretty girl
A high boot heel,
A treaCherOus piece
OF orange peel :
The heel and peel
Together meet,
And there's cir
Gus In the street.
Up jumps the maid
In sudden passion ;
Shes shown, she knows,
The kind Of hose
That's then in fashion.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-16
The First Theatre in,ho world.


The Coincide Franchise is the home OF
the highest histronic art. Its actors and
actresses are gentlemen and ladies OF re-
fined tastes aud good breeding. A French
mother takes her daughter to the Fran
caise to learn how to sit and stand, to en-
ter and leave room rs well as to hear
the masterpieces of French literature. In
these degenerate days of opera boufte aud
parodies, the House of Mo6ere IS the
nursery of all that is best in French dra'
matte art. The late NJ. Perrin was not
only an able administrator OF this an
gust sanctuary, but man OF kind heart
and as firm in bis attachments as
in the discharge Of his duties. His deVo
ton to his wife and her memory was very
beautiful While they were engaged to De
married the poor girl took smallpox and
rose from bed greatly dis6gured. She lost
no time in going to Paris to show her al
teredface to her lover and propose the can
ceiling of their engagement But he Tor
all answer took her hand and said: "Since
YOU are in Paris, dear, let as rather hurry
the wedding" He made her devoted
husband and expressed last wish on bis
deathbed that his body might be carried
through the Trinity Church, which was
not his parish church, because his Wites
coffin had rested there on its way to the
grave.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-16

THE Stanton Spectator pays the follow
ing compliment to the eloqusucs Of the
Hon. HESRY S. WALLER of this State on
the occasion OF his speech at Stanton:
Mr. WALKERS speech was sUi gsHsrj-
such as has never been delivered before,
and such as will scarcely be delivered
again. 1t Was literally q fsss. Of reason
and 8 Ao= Of sour-nearly every sentence
was eloquent. The speech from the begin
ming to the end was marked Eith sparkling
wit, keen sarcasm, able arguments, clear
statements, and graphic illustrations, ex-
pressed in language remarkable for its au,
ency and eloquenes. It was felicitOus
combination Of strength and beauty; a
strong cable strung with pearls; Doric
column festconed With flowers.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-16
NEWS eLEANINGs.

Blonde Yankee schoolma'ms in the Ar
gsntine Republic marry rich just as fast as
they can land. 4,
Gncls Toms Csbin" has been adopted
BY every civilized nation.
Colonel Ingersoll will lecture IN
New York city on Myths and Miracles.
If you ore superstilious don't listen long
70 the accident insurance agent.
A new industry has sprung up at New
Orleans. Heads Of fishes are dred,
mounted and sold for table and uantel or
ramsnts.
ne Danish 26Tlrnme9s-Sas Srsatsd a
Medical C69zfssidn tofnveygate and re-
port upm The causks6 cancer.
1keTe has been Q large increase IN the
number of suicides in Berlin within the
past several months,
Women are not wise enough TO vote, but
they are capable enough to take charge oil
the departments during the absence OF the
male clerks who have gone home to vote,
Mrs. Nellie Grant Ssrtoris before leay-
ing for England told friend that she
vastly preferred English society to Amer
can.
Twelve life prisoners in the Kentucky
penitentiary work at chairmaking. Not
ore OF them is under six feet in height.
It's said that the grave Of Lord Bescons-
field is in q dilapidsted condition. A
queer people, the English.
Petitions are circulating to abolish the
Brooklyn postofHce.
Five blind ladies of New York, headed
BY Mrs. Floza Z. Rodgers, have organized
q free circulating library for the blind.
Miss Burt, the young Illinois woman
who was raised from her dsathbed By
prayer, has eloped with Pastor Kent, who
leaves q wife and four children.
Mrs Walkup, though acquitted OF the
murder of her husband, finds no favor IN
her community and will go to New Or
leans to reside. =,
II has been discovered that the gold and
silver souvenirs presented to John McCul
Tough during bis career, have been lost OF
stolen. They were last seen when McCui
Tough was in Chicago.
One of the most singular things aboEt
cremation is that while there is genera
sentiment in favor Of lis adoption, It Is sc
very slow about being adopted. -.
In Burmah disputes, which here woulc
be taken into the courts, are settled by the
two parties putting their heads undei
water. The one who can duck the longes
gets the case.
One of the brides who called on Presi
dent Cleveland on his last reception DAY
was on her third bridal tour, having beer
married in Grants first term, and Sgsir
under Hayes. She told the Pres ideGt tina
she intended being more careful Of this
husband than she had been Of his prede
cessors.
Halt Of this years cotton crop in TIT
South has been raised by white labor
Some men while fishing in White river
Indiana, ore night recently built ire
using for o backlog what they thought wa
a section Of large elm tree. AS the hr
grew hotter ons OF the men noticed tia
the backlog" KEEP. cracking and hnsll
burst open, or rather trsnseVersely across
Investigation revealed the fact that tn
backlog was bone-s huge iemur OF
mastodon.
An Indian and Chinaman are partner
in the stationery business in RushViiI'
Neb.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-11-16
Trustees Sale.

DY WRITE OF A DyIL a, ~
* nade nv 1homas y sAiI,o, a.
s.,,lin,, 10. III. .ra A MOI EIT ..'.i
: oSIIt. -. hn.h..A a. a..
~ A." ~
pee' uaSo w Wv ~ !" ssN ~
iec I.e mn ns V !" W. W, ~, w
Sour' VI ~ ny. on " 80
uusI oooH ~ - Pake w. W eout~ "
B'ien u 'pe M '. ""1'' $500
saiu u'eo VI uu''' VII y"
Saturday, the 9Th Day OF DsesuL.r III
At 10 O'Clock q. N. al TIE front dooi q " 4
House oil said oh 10 county, eel 1t fu1L Rat
following described real tsttIe, ihiish ~
O rtain piece or pnel OF land uiui
wheeling rex, about Two sDd tIs LAitst
Of the oily Of " heeling. In slid coIty ~ Il
and bounded and dtsor 81 90 iOlOsi hYsz
st poini In the centre 0! ihs Iss LssE \
the turnpike 10 the mill On the prusH ~
70 Il Q western gate pet on the sosIh MS Z
lane, NJ d running thence souih " 'si SO
10 q ttake on the hank Of traib ttan Z
3ti.S esst i.4I chain, . lOCu,I On lb liity
cr.ek: thence dosn the cf-sk viih v. -
thereof and binding The con ptul u hisra
line running from the pIsos Of erIitt {, stis
wet containing three and ore bali Vr- ID
more OF less. Also, the grognd hItri
south side Of taid creek and usd Ia ssas
Of the nil dam heretofore er,ct' 10 sis1
With The mill situate 90 sald VIC n
gttber with oil the appuitsntho' u'r's
longing or In Anyviie sp trisblri l.id
running from aid tuu like r,sd 10 h' az,
heipg eleven feet vide and lying q
Boundary line Of raid ihrs .bd so,l. =
land and outside Of he nms' ii@pnH