Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-08-11


he valves an CONTAMINATION Chroa-
icIs.
WHERE you bull or bear" asked an
acquaintance OF Spectator Neither" he
replied; was an ass. - ubugniGn.
WILL you tell nue. why Colonel
Is spelled in u style 50 iufolOnel?
If journal is not spelled Jol0nel,
Then why spell kernel, Colonel:
"NY husband is very fond Of his relative"
remarked one Toledo lady to another the
other day. He is constantly mumbling in
his sleep about his ANTE '-3OIedO Btdde.
SUPPOSE" says an exchange, "that the
world went TO bed every evening at sunset"
Oh, we'll; the worlds gas bill would be just rs
big at the end Of the quarter .-NOTTistOao1
Herald.
"sTATIsTICs show that clergymen live
about two ears longer than lawyers" says
an exchange. Probably the lawyers live
fast enough to more than make up the dlf-
ference.-Pect's SIN.
AN Irishman wrote thus to the wife of
sick brother: "lf Jamie isn't dead yet,
mond him of the s0shiliings he owes me on
the pigs; In he Is, Seil him not TO give himself
any cOnsnrrun about it, tif Hh
AN Oregon man recently committed suicide
rather than marry his deceased wife's sister.
A man must get very tired Of having the same
mother in law two or three times in success
slon.-1Ns1O York Graphic.
A ooAoHNAN higamist has just died ia the
OHIO penitentiary. 4 coachpan may choose
wife from among the wealthlest families in
the nation, but he must not, no, he must not
take Two fair creatures at once.
HAS my client anything right?" asked a
counsel out Of patience to q brother wrangler
at the bar - knew not" was the response
But one thing Il certain. When you get
through with him he'll have nothing left -
Y0nhsrs NhItesmGH., .s raf a.A ~ t.
AN exchange asks: "why wasn't the spring
chicken chosen as an emblem of this eOun-
tryH We,oannft stnswer with any degree Of
exactness, but suppose the fathers OF the
country were not familiar with antediluyian
ornithploHyrT Riafe14t'@'@ 4de9cgte, .t
FLORENCE HARRAT has new lecture on
What shall We DO With the Menu Leave
them alone, Florence; that's the way. Let
all women go TO heaven, where they belong,
aud leave the earth entirely to the men, who
want II all TO thenselyes.-LO'0eH Citizen.
SAID the 4landlady, pensively eyelng the
healthy boarder, These new POTATOES cost
Just twice as much as the other kind -
''Thatls. all rightsi responded the healthy
twice as many of them.''--Detro8 Frse Press.
WISH you would renew this note. My
father will indoTse for uie,'' said Texas
/ youth to Nose Scnaumbufg wen fader
! such son as you vas, vat SECURITY ish dot for
| meY Dot shows d0t your fader vas a block of
| the young chip."-Tepas Strings.
SAID an exasperated Texas father at the
dinner table: 'YOu children turn up your
noses at everything on tho table. When was
/ a boy was glad To get enough dry bread to
I eat.' II say, pa. you are having much bet
ter time Of ltsnOw youi are living with us,
| amt yOut" remarked little Tommy Teeas
| StItiaGs. ,.. ..r
Irwas very careless leaving the parrot in
! tho parlor sunday evening, but she never
thought abouE It Until Monday morning, when
he, rQpsed the whole family bX making a
sTnsektns NOISE, and crying, "Dsriiag susle,
and the old foRs are much interested Ia the
case.-EochGHge.
"YOU seem to raiee fine crops of hay on this
place" observed tourist TO man who was
/ raking up the fragrant stuff. 'Yes," said the
man. DO You ship it TO the city2" "Oh,
the hotel" "But you have no horses" OBJ
served the tourist; what do you use it forf''
Green tca," responded the mower, as he
! reached for the whetstone. Merchant TrGD-
eler.
THE FUNNY MANS BABY
! The funny man went TO his desk TO write;
lie had watched all day, he would write all
night
Aud finish his work, so he trimmed the light
| In the room adjoining his baby lay,
! And they said she was elOwly passing away,
And would die ere the light OF another day.
SO he wrote with his heart IN the other room,
And thought Of the babe going out in the
/ gloom
| 10 the shadowy lana beyond the tomb.
II was hard to write with death 50 nigh,
But he ground out jokes Ms the hours went by.
And closed each page with a brlef-born sigh
1t was hard 10 write; but the world must
/ laugh
| So he pcnnel tho rhyme and the paragraph,
And even "a humorous epitaph!
His pen lew fast and the hours went on,
( Till his night OF toll was almost gone
| And the east showed the first faint streaks OF
dawn.
! Then he dropped his pen and raised his head
"Now the column ID finished" the funny man
said
And the nurse, coming IN, satd: "The baby il
deRdw Boston COnrier.