Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-06-26
METHE6LlN THREW HIM.
How Sam Ward Found q Liquor He
Couldn't Spot and MIXED q Cow.
u.

Couldn't Spot and MIXED Cow.
HaLstoa in Ss,c York Times.
Talking Of good judges of liquor" said
gossipy friend the other day, poor Sam
Ward, that's gone, had as keen palate as
the best OF them. Sam was proud OF his
ssgacity in detecting authorizations in good
old brandies, iqueurs and cordisls, although
/ never heard him boast but once or twice
about his skill in that line. One summer
it was early in the seventies-I happened
to meet him at Lenox, and was with him in
small party OF conViyisl spirits who took
long drive one day. We had dinner at q
back country hotel-even in the bsckwoods
you don't find inns nowadays-and it was q
very ordinary feast, The wine was worse,
ana Sam Ward fell into ironically extoling
its virtues. From sarcasm the talk became
earnest, and finally We were discussing
famous brands. Sam, OF course, was the
soul Of the party, and, warming up on the
subject, went so far as to boast that
he could detect any kind of liquor with
ease. We were all interested-nobody was
ever bored by Sam Ward-and it was late
when we started on our homeward drive
We missed the main road and were caught
in q shower that developed into a steady
pour, SO that we were glad TO stop at the
fret convenient farmhouse. The proprietor
seemed to be trihe suspicious at first, but
Sam soon won him over completely; the
old man brought out some homemade
wine, and Sam told a good story. The
farmer produced more wine. Sam had
more stories. Down the cellar stairs went
the old manzagain, and this time he came
up with his stone pitcher hslf-full OF thick,
oily fluid. Mr.. Ward. who always got the
best, was honored with big goblet that
held nearly pint. Our host filed it to the
brim, while the first of US had to be salts
fed with smaller sllotments. We all slipped
and slipped again. 1t was very warm
drink.
What do you call this, my fiend?'
asked Sam. The old boy chuckled, and
told US to guess. Instead of guessing we
drank some more, and emptied our glasses
before we rose. Again the cups were filled
and again they were drained. | felt happy
and the other seemed quite as merry. Just
then the hired man came into the kitchen
with the announcement that he had got the
cows. The farmer hated to 60, he said, but
milking was milking, and prepared to go
out Up rose Sam also. The rest of US
were content to set still, but we did not want
il thought that we felt the thimbleful of
stuff we'd swallowed. Sam insisted on
milking a COW, and We al went out to q
leaky old shed, under which stood four
peaceful boyines. Our route was more or
less indirect perhsps-the ground was slip
pery with the rain. In vain the old man
protested. Sam would milk, and the party
of admirers huddled around in an applaud
ing circle to see the performance. Ward
placed it under the animals
nose and then lurched to the ground direct
" back of her, thrust the pail forward un-
der her hind legs and bravely began his
task. 1t was a meditatiVe COW, and she
couldn't stand everything. No milk came
down, but something else did, and that was
Sam Ward, who, rolling head over heels In
to q puddle, lay sprswhng before US. Some,
body helped him up. Sam Ward looked
6rst on that COW and then on the stool; ne
picked up the stool, sat down on 1t and went
10 sleep. The next morning | remember
getting out of bed with the biggest head
nv elOQlQSIb SNcI SANkkC0. II H1&9
meal: even Sam didn't care to talk. We
climbed into our carriage, wanted to pay
our entertainer, who, though genuine
Yankee, declined to take cent, and was
ready to depart. Sam had been thinking
of something, and he leaned forward and
looked suuarely at the farmer.
NV friend he said, would you do me
one fayor2 What was that beverage You
RECALLED us with last night? 1t was q pleas
ant liquor, but it was muscular. my friend,
-ery muscular, should judge-if taken to
excess"
The farmer laughed. "Metheghnp ne
said. "Plain honey and water--Iust honey
and water that's worked little.
Sam fell back in his seat "Metheghn,
he murmured, "Mstheuin, great be thy
name. You've foored Sam "srd-noored
Sam Ward, who has not been hoored IN
Years and years. Great be thy name. III
teach New York point or two. And ne
did.