Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-02-12
WIT AND utJuOI.


ile drama of Life" can't go on very
successfully. Aotristospn Heraid
Doctor, said the grateful patient.
SEEING the physicians hand, Il shall
never forget that to you owe my .ife. =
You exaggerate. said the doctor,
mildly, lyon only owe me for fifteen
visits; that is the point which / hope
You will not fail to remember
Telephones have been placed in the
halls of the Idaho Legislature. Ii
sat es the necessity of sending out the
eggeant-at-arms to bring in the absent
members. They can now play poker
III the committee rooms till the very
moment OF calling the Yeas and nays.
What is economy?n asks the Phila-
de,phia North american. Well tell
YOU 1t is paving 10 cents for a cigar.
and compelling Your wife 10 turn her
last seasons dress to make it DO for an
other winter. The country is fairly
bulging with such economy Norris
toaa Herald
docs the shining steel blade which
hold in my hand cause excruciating
pain9 inquired an Oil City barber.
''What?n II asked If the razor hurt
YOU lis it razor?n '.Of course il
is Why?" Il thought it was Il saw,
but if you are sure it is razor 90
ahead. OIL city Lizsard.
They rcproacIi an aged millionaire
with his misery practc 5. Here you
are, a wealthy man, and yet you put
ont your ash-barrel every day with
YOUR own hands. to save Il few miser.
able Sousn' lyon are right. it is hard
~ the thing for man in my position
to do. Hereafter LII make my wife do
il. u iMis Iapcr,
facy were talking over an aged
millionaire who had on several occa-
s;ons given his heirs high hopes-higll
hopes always dashed by his recovery.
',Cmiou how long The old man lastsn'
says somebody, reilectiycly; especially
when You consider that for the last ten
wears he has had one foot in the grave. y
Yes; but then, you see, every now and
then he changes the foot! French
Il H.
A slim youth, accompanied by pug
dor and chain attachment, met n Young
w.
II walked by her side until her resid-
ence was gained, when she invited him
III. Jaw thawnks awfully; much
p'eased, I'm snah, he said; .'bu -er
the dor. v know - .'Oh, the dog
won't make the slightest difference.
Dear little fellow! Mamma will be
clad to see you both. "-NcU York Sun.
The lady OF the house was hand
some woman Of a mature order of
beauty. and when she had completed
oer Jilet she gazcd fondly at herself in
tie glass. and remarked to her new
maid You'd give good deal to be
as good looking as | am, wouldn't you,
now?' "Ycs'm; almost as much as
YOU would give to be as young as
am" 1t is not believed that this
grammatic young woman will be
chosea again at tie expiration of her
present term. -iaris Paper.
Look here!" called man, pressing
his face against the CRATES of the city
PRISON. and addressing policeman
who stood outside. '.&ell?'' '.What
was put in here for, anyway?n" You'll
liud out whea the Police Court meets.
'PaLner, am very sensitive man,
and the thought that have committed
crime haunts me. | just tell you
what's fact. | can't stand it. What
did do?" We'll, if you must know,
you got drunk and shot man" 'Oh,
is hat all? | was afraid that | had in
suited some one. Much obliged. -
.Ifkansac Iraceler.
How dear to my heart is sack made
of seal-skin. A garment adapted to
keep out the cold! IT'S not like the
jersey, that fits like an eelskin; IT'S
'oosc, graceful, easy and fair to behold.
How smooth and how glossy Its
beatty enchants me; what garment SC
oyesy when worn by belle--Both
waking and sleeping its poetry haunts
me; The sack made of scalskin that fit.
me so well. The sack made of sealskir
of smooth, glossy Sealskin. The
beautiful sealskin that fits me so well
--L0toeU Courier.
What aincomprehensibl Mirandy's
got to be sence she went to thu
'cademy." remarked Mrs. Homespur
to her husband. "W'y, wot's the GA
been dom now ?'' asked Daniel.
'Doin'r' exclaimed Mrs. Homespun
wv IL, she said she must 90 to her room
to disrobe, as she wis ed to retire
early. " ''Disrobe and retire?" muir
INJURED Daniel, ''wot's them, map" %
dunno, replied ma "but she didn't dc
nothin' o. the sort She only undresset
and went to bed. Did We ever hear o
sieh p eyarieation?" Presbyterian Ban
ner.
college boys are no respecters o.
persons, said gentleman who lives
at Princeton yesterday "When Pres
ident Arthur took his son Allan t.
Princeton the Chief Magistrate wa:
called on by the boys for speech. Hc
responded, and in conclusion remarked
with a great deal of feeling that he was
about to confide to their care what was
to him the dearest thing on earth. The
words were scarcely out of his mouth
when one of the youths rose and sung
out in stentorian tones; Three cheers
for the thing Philadelphia Press.
( ''Now, Maria" remarked Simpkins,
as he pulled off his boots last evening,
times is gittin' burned hard, an we've
got to economize. guess you'd better
try and git along without that new
black dress YOU was talkin' about, and
fix over Your last winters hat. | guess
you can worry along that way all
right We've got to fix it some how OF
other to cut down expenses, or | don't
see how I'm to buy cigars, an as for
whisky, why, don't get morc'n four
or five drinks day as it is. Remem-
Der, Maria, economy is wealth. 10 Oh
CITY Blizzard.
Senator Coggcshall, of Watertown,
who has just returned from Florida,
carries off the palm in the fish stories.
Il went out fishing on Bladder Creek, .
he says, 1.-The night after | arrived in
Florida. We put big light on the
bow of the boat and padded slowly
down stream. You may hang me il
the fish didn't crowd up to that light So
thick that some of them had to jump
out of water to find room in which tc
move. Enough jumped into the boat
to make a good breakfast. = Senator
Lansing, who heard this tale, said the
fish were probably like men who would
believe the story suckers. Gdth.
Have You ever seen that train OF
white cars that makes the fast mail
train from Ch:cago? said the engineer,
as he munched sandwich at the rest
ing place. mo? Well, it's slicker
than square yard of lightning. and il
| goes full pitch out of Chicago every
morning at o'clock. In my opinion
it's about the fastest thing in this eoun-
try. Well, one of the mail clerks in