davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15
Moss Backs-Response by A. Fl.
Wilson.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
I at this time desire to thank you all
and especially the Committee of Arrange.
ments for beng C lied upon TO respond to
this sentiment, for the reason that my ex-
| tended and thorough researc II into the hab-
its and structure of this m ember of the Ami
NAL Kingdom, eninently qualify me,above
all others. to Inf,a't 30 this audience both
amusement and instruction.
Why reilly. have studied this specimen
until his reculiarities, likes. dislii,s and
| habits have become to me open as the
| day and rs clear as the aquous fluid bub-
ling forth from the rock which some time
ago was cleft by the rod of Moses.
| have thought about him in my waking
hours, dreamed of him when my physical
frame was embodied in the arms OF Morphe-
| us, studied him in all his various places,
contemplated him il all the vicisitudes of
| fortune and fame, associated with him by
day. and set up with him Tor her, rather)
by night know all about him, can tell
all about him, and write an appropriate
epitaph for his tomb.
He is the adequate custodian of inchoate
science and art, the mi:hty bed rock of So
|
try, frugality and Independence, and the
almighty power behind the thIone,-when
| a fellow rcns tor office.
To thoroughly understand this peculiar
creature, it is necessary to analyze him in
manner, as the organic chemist desinti
CRATES the component parts of the various
substances Investigated, and study him in
all his successive PRECAUTIONS.
| My limited time, however, at this feast
of (scientific) reason and flow Of scul for
| bids the detail of my vast accumulation of
knowledge on this subject, gained by years
of observation, days of research and toll
and man., yea very many, sleepless nights
spent in the realms of misty and forgotten
lore, and the society of the youthful Moss
Backs Of the female persuasion and 1 on
this occasion must content myself with de-
failing q few facts concerning the develop
ment, and character sites of this interest
ing species, which will, however, l hope,
be sufficient to enable mere novice read
lily, certainly, correctly and critically 10
classify him. and note to what stage of de-
velopment the specimen has arrived.
Zoologicaliy, the Moss Back is an Archon
Man. mil and is supposed by scientists to be
q lenial descendent of the Adamites-but
my extensive research in the annals of
dim and misty antiquity, and minnie
study of the hieroglyphical languages, fail
10 discover any trace of the Moss Back pri-
or to that un paralleled Aqueous precipitst
ton during which a patriarchal gentleman
named Noah, (history fails to disclose his
other name) and his Great Eastern built OF
Gopher wood, acted a prominent part. In
fact the first Moss Back OF whom We have
been able 10 find any historic mention was
Esau, whose name appears among the first
of the professional nunrods Of his genera
tion.
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15
81. John, the PrOhiblffOnisi-..
Responded to by Judge
COurtsvriSiat.
CIRcLEvLLLE, o., Jan. 8'h. '85.
70 Lewis Green, Judge Friesner
and others Gommittea

CIRCLEvu.LE, o., Jan. 9Th, 'S5.
70 Lewis Green, Judge Friesnel
and others. Committee.
Gentlemen Until the last mo-
ment 1 had hoped to be with you
in person this evening. to minple
my voice with those of the gallant
"Hawea'ers" in celebrating an event
made immortal by the fame. hero
ism and chivalry of our Sa,nted
Jackson, but regret that profession
al engagements prevent me from en-
joying the pleasure antici oated.-
While l cannot be with you IN per
son, assure you | will be present
in the spirit OF Democracy.
You have kindly invited me to
respond to st. John the latest
the Prohibitionist.''
In carefully scrutinizing the ros-
ter of the saints canonized, | fail to
find the name of the Patron Saint,
in whose honor l was expected to
sing but in looking over the re-
turns of the election held on the 4th
day of last November, have found
that in the great political drama.
then enacted, that my St. John
played an important part.
'Tis true, my hero, was never
banished upon the Ts'e of Patmos,
or upon an other island, that l
know of; nor as far as l know, has
he ever eaten any "Locnsts or Wild
Honey" though possibly he may
have done SO, yet. he has distin-
guished himself to a far greater de
gree than if he had been dumped off
a canal boat upon a half dozen
islands, or ha ten bushel of 10
Gusts and several pounds of hon
ey.
l have, on divers and sundry oc
casions, held up the other Saint
John, as a worthy example to imi
tate. but allow me to say. l would
with far more pleasure, hold up my
Patron Saint, as an example, to be
followed and initiated Cat the polls)
by at least one half of my Repnb'i-
can friends-now, he is not such
mighty good fellow, that l could re
commend all my Republican friends
to initiate at elections times, bu,
just about one half of them, (and l
am very particular which half) In
deed [ would be content, the cup Ct
my ambition would be pretty well
filed, and the sum of my dreams
moderately well realized, if | could
induce, say about $4,000 of my
friends { Republican, in each of the
Commonwealths of OHIO, Pennsyl-
vania, New York, Massachus ct Is
Illinois, Iowa, Michigan and Wis
consin, to follow the ilustrious
footsteps of my St. John. But some
with anything less than
the earth buttered on both sides,
will ask why l don't include Kan
sas? Iwou.d answer an inquiry so
mean and contemplate, by say
ing. that there is nothing small
about me, politically at lest.
would not rob the &. O. P. of the
proud satisfaction Of being able to
say, that victory perches upon ban
ners in Kansas, although those
pesky Jayhawkers out there did
treat my st. John ontrageousiy bad,
4 couple of years go. and for that
grave offense, l would permit the
Jayhawkers to be punished by a
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15

Republican administration in their
State, until, we'll say. until the next
election.
The Saints John have all had. q
pretty rough DIAL of it, one time OF
another.
St John, the Evangelist. was
banished. but in about year after
ward, it seems, he was permitted to
return to the bosom of his family.
st. John, the Baptist, had much
live'ier time of it, for he lost his
head, because some old cross graf IL
ed chap had told a woman that he
would do anything the woman want
ed him 10 do. But nov l have a
borrowing tale 20 unfold, "of and
concerning my St. John. Be pre-
pared, therefore for the worst, for
This is no fish story, bat is just as
true, as that the principles and
ground words of Democracy will
never perish, as long, as We are u
a free people, just as true as that a
Democratic administration will re
turn this people to its early habits
of honesty and fruga!ity; just as
true as that the administration of
Grover Cleveland will be s.. .nalized
with Economy and Reform just as
true as that the "Rascals will be
turned out" and honest men put IN
their places, and just as true as
that Father Buchard's Rum Ro-
manlsm and Rebellion" was well
timed-for the Democracy. Are
you now fully prepared for the ter
rible truth l am about to utter, that
my st. John was Burned in effgy !
Horror of horrors! What foul ticnds
could be so lost to all sense of hor-
ror and respect as to be guilty of an
outrage SO fayra mt and heinous IN
its character Not of religious zeal
OTIS, or infidel marauders. so you
ask ? Well, don't know, except
that the ASSOCIATED Press" that
re-li(e)able[?] source ofpublic in
formation has announced at the
ofense was committed by ''Outrag-
ed Republic ms" What a bad sub
ject to contemplate and seemingly
without redress or remedy. Had
this occurred IN the great Common
wealth of Ohio. instead of in bleed
ing Kansas, there would have doubt
less been remedy, for we have up
on our Statute books remedy for
every kind ofan Outrage" that can
be committed by mortal man, from
the highest grade Of teloniously will I
fully, and with "maice afore-
thought" assaulting another, down
down down down to the infnltisim- !
ally small offense of driving the
paid pimps of a heartless Coal Syn
iicate out IF the doors of the
cabins of Starving Miners.
My story is not yet half told;
The many virtues of my St. John
nave not yet been half related, and
he crowning act of his life, in be-
and remaing candidate for
President of the United States IN
he year of our Lord one thousand
eight hundred one eighty-four, has
not received u 1.-THE of the praise
md commend alton in this letter,
hat its merits desc rye, and yet my
etter is already too lengthy.
l propose to the sterling, unfinch
ng, honest ycomanry of the county,
Of Hooking, that my St. John, be
rom this time henceforth, canon
Zed as
"St. John-the latest-the Pro-
libitionist."
Long live est. John-the latest"
Sound his praises upon the hill tops.
md through the valleys of the
Hook Hooking, and may he always
,e candidate for President on the
Prohibi ion Ticket, at least, when
,ser we have a close call.
Ever yours in Democracy,
.. w. CoURTwTIGET.
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15

The Vicksburg Herald estimates that
there are forty pistols to every subsOil
rlow in the State OF Mississippi.
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15
ROUTE.
ROUTE.
1Greaf Giro Rouff
Between the
EAST & w EST.
NORTH AND SOUTH.

- This Great Through Route
Is now Completed and in Full
Operation, running through Pas
senger Trains daily. as follows:
eAThree solid trains each way between
Colunhus, lnd!sna polls and Peoria
ES Two trains each way between olum-
ous, indianapolis and Decatur.
k1TwO- trains each Wv between SAN
dusky, Indianapolis PeOriaand Decatur.
SO TWO trains each way between SAN
duSkys Dayton dntt Ciaeinnar ri------
An-Ihree trims each day between Sam
duSky springfield and coIumbus
RS-FoGr trains each way between Colrm-
bnS, springfield. Dayton and CINCINNATI
W4-TwO trans each way between Column
bus Springfield. .Indianabo,;s q Chics. -
With Sleepingan Reclining Ch air Cars
on Nisht Trains, and elegant parlor and
modern Day Oach..s on Day Trains
It's truck * laid with heavy steel rails.
thoroughly ballasted, with easy grades and
rev curves TraveIsirg as il does The heart
o! the three great St,fes of Ohio, Indiana,
ana Illinois. uniting in close business re-
lationship the capital cities oi the irst and
second, with the second city OF the third
ami passins: through a large number of The
and with all its central location makes il
The Shortest and Most Desirah @
Route betweeA she East & West.
Through Tickets and Baggage Checks
10 III! principal points. North. East. South
ann West, can b.- obtained at any Tick. {
Ohce of the l. 4 i w. Ry, al O via this
route at all railroad office. through hout the
country. K ties always IS low as the low
est. bout purchase tickets to any point
without first corsuiting the agents Of the
/. B. & w. r. =
Particular advantages oaer e.. 20 Western
Emigrarts. Land and Tourist Tickets to
oil points reached by any lire.
"a Passenger Trains leave Columbus. as
follows: $50 IL m., so and 1lU5 D. m.
StaI.uart. time.
G.. F.. Henderson, Genr Manager H.M
B:Oison, GenI Ticket A.'t
JAMES DEWOI.F, Pass Agr
26 North High St., Colu m bus, D
The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-01-15

largest sheep, hogs and horses, the longest
and heaviest bank account and the fewest
poor relations.
The first Moss Backs in the United States
| came over with the renowned Sir Hendrict
Hudson, and went into business at New
Amsterdam, but they did not succeed well
| till they captured 81 Ground Hog and two
or three Emberdays.
The Moss Backs are never lazy or i'm
provident, because IL is contrary to nature;
in fact so great is th cir love of labor that
| they frequently fail to observe the hebdom-
idal pelioi.
An OLD author by the name of Washing
ton Irving. tried to make people believe,
that the renowned Moss Back, Rip Van
Winkle, was indolent--but everybody
nowadays knows that Washington simply
lied, unde~ a mistake. Rip was industri-
Gus as anybody but he had the misIort une,
like my self, OF being born tired, and lie
seized the first opportunity TO sleep it Off.
IL took him twenty years, but he overcame
his orig Nal WEAKNESS, and this fact stands
as memorial OF his persistent efforts in
the cause OF II sht and industry.
Rip, owing to Il slight misunderstanding
in the bosom of his family, did not wish
10 undertake. matter OF sGcb stupendious
magnitude as was the business OF getting
rid OF his tiredness, under the roof of his
domicil. so he consulted the Ground Hog
and the Emberdays as TO the conlinuence
of fair weather, but being so awfully tired
he, by reason OF some mistake in the cal
caiallon, was induced to undertake the
JOB ln.the open air during an unpropicious
season, and caught Il severe attack of
'rheumatics" and lived ever after, IA victim
oil misplaced confidence, as it We're, in the
infaiiibiilty OF lie ancient traditions
Washington prevericated about another
trln., also. and take this occasion TO saw
That Rip never drank, ard L spurn the idea
that The worthy gentlemen whom he met
upon the mountain ON that occasion had
any kes OF rum. ltthey lad any key ataII |
IL vas kes Of Piper Heidsick. have civ
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30
..~aLED BY A MONSTER.

The Elephant Empress Tramples q Circus
i1ml,l"ye beneath Her Feet ard Dlsem.
bowels Him with Her Tusks-The I'm
fortunate Sian Her Third Victim.
PHILADELPHIA, Oct. 12.-The big Afri-
can elephant Empress, owned by John
O'Brien, the circus man, was taken late on
Saturday night to %Forepaugh's winter
quarters. The beast was in charge of
Harry Coaley, the only man who can man.
age Empress, and John Flood. The big
elephant is very vicious. The midnight
Journey was made without accident, and by
one O'Clock the elephant was placed in q
stall and securely shackled. Coaley re-
manned up all night with his charge, and at
ten o'clock fed and watered it.
Robert II. White, who has charge Of the
winter quarters, came i'll during the morn
Ing to see the elephant. lie was quite proud
of his ability to manage elephants. About q
quarter of an hour later White volunteered
to show Allen and another man how hecould
manage the elephant, and proposed to bring
it out and water il. They advised him not
to attempt it, but he persisted. Going into
the stall, he unlinked the shackles on
Empress, who followed him to the water
trough and took a drink. Empress had no
sooner finished than she wheeled suddenly
about without making a sound and struck
White q terrible blow with her trunk,
knocking him twenty feet away against q
brick wall. She followed up this work
quickly by disemboweling the helpless man
with Ior fJ,clyc o,1 co;e;,~ o,, oo~,ln.,,,,
fore foot she set it down upon him, crush
ing his breast-boae and shoulder-blade.
Allen and friend fled at the first blow and
collected at the entrance of the house, but
10 one dare enter. Empress stood over her
victim swinging her trunk viciously. Dan
Taylor arrived in a few minutes, and, taking
in the situation at a glance, seized an ele-
phant spear and prepared to 90 to Whites
rescue. Don't so ill.," yelled the crowd.
shell kill you.'' II can't stand by and see
that man lying there" replied Taylor, reso-
lutely. lie advanced, spear in hand, and
i'll a low, cool tone commanded Empress to
go back. Slowly and s~ullenly she backed
away, and, as she retired, Taylor advanced
until he had reached Whites body. There
he stopped, and john Coyle ran forward,
picked up ihe injured man, and carried him
OUT.
While awaiting the arrival of an ambu-
lance Dan Taylor said to White: Bob. why
did you go in there?:" ':Just to be smart,''
replied White, who was still perfectly con-
sclous. but I'm all broke up now, DAN"
White died While being taken to the hos
pital.
1t is not known what disposition will be
made Of Empress, but it is not supposed
that she will be killed, as she is very valu-
able, being regarded as the finest performs
ing elephant in this country. While on eX-
hibition she is docile, and children are per-
United to pet her. Empress has now killed
her third man, and her record includes the
injuring at least of a score OF men.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30
PITH N POINT

Some men r born with b;c h.,
some acquire big heads and aeads,
Blu Nyc. p0n 'hsm.-
[fens are weapons of defense A..
stab and cut like a rapier. It Is ea eaat
to assassinate with a pen Than easier
with the sword.-M y. mdspeud - STAY
The bones of the average NAG
weigh about twenty-four pounds o any
yet some people put on airs and and
around as though they weighed a seep
Chicago Ledger. " 'on'
-Asmalls son of a Raleigh man ~,
asked if he was not very much fr Snea
ened when the lightning str,c ,L'Sh:'
fathers house, replied: 3No, do nls
wasn't gwine to hurt me: it was da IIa
he was after. "-Raleigh IN. e. I1 oH,
serrer. W.
Baby CRIES, and is sent to A 81,
table: Papa says: when you hav s0 9
beard you can sit with papa 'Th .
house cat jumps up familiarlv bos;aee
him. Baby Cfuriously): Jump dowa'
You have a beard. Go eat with papa"
Chicago Journal. pA'
-"How is it," writes a corresno,,
ent, "that the yachts always sail fastu.
in a newspaper account of a race tb,.
they do on the water?:" That An 90 =
one to answer, friend. You see, if's II,
extra pulling the boat gets that doos
the business YonkerS Statesman
You may say what you like
mother, George no longer loves me-
but, child. how did yon get that silv
notion into Your head?"' ooh. VERY
simply and only too quickly. When
he takes me home nowadays he alwav,
chooses the shortest road!"-CNicaao
Inter- Ocean.
A st. LOUIS boy who was twelve
years old last year. but has recently
scored another birthday. complains bc'
cause he is not permitted to eat at tho
table by reason of thirteen being an
unlucky number. And it is unluckSy for
the rest of the table when a boy of thjr.
teen is allowed to get in his work.
THE average American eats fifty.
six pounds of sugar a year, against Tia
Englishman's sixty-seven." Despits
this fact, however, the average Amer.
can girl is much sweeter than the En-,
elish lasses. Probably because she i,
given more tally than the English
girl receives.-Noavistowm Herald.
"A Japanese woman dresses her hair
once in every four days. The luxury
of hearing ones wife. with the ends Of
her hair in her teeth and her mouth
full of h~airpins, talking about the
kitchen boiler in the morning hefor,
the mirror is enjoyed by the
japanese husband more than twice a
Uicaqo Tribune.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30

the assembling Of the guests, was delighted.
The host was delighted to find that ali old
dress coat and vest would fit the coachman,
and ten minutes was spent in acquainting
the servant with the usages of polite society
at a dinner. Among other things, the host
told the coachman that he was on no ac-
count to ask any of the guests to be helped
a second time to soup. The guests took
their places'at the table, and the soup was
quite creditably served. The coachman
observed that one gentleman pushed his
plate of soup away from him. The servant
leaned over and drew the plate back again
i'll front of the gentleman, who in turn
pushed it from him. This displeased the
coachman. He thought he saw a breach of
decorum in the action. "Ate your soup,
sorr! said he in trumpet tones, ''yez III get
no more."-Inc Week.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30
A CATASTROPHE.
In Six Chapters.

ing on the personal appearance and proba-
BILE calling of their fellow-traveler.
mot bad-looking, if it wasn't for his
nose" said one.
II think his mouth is the worst" re-
marked the other, with equal politeness.
'.l,ather loud suit of Clothes" was the
next comment.
"Wcll, he's only a ca%ttle-dealer, l ex-
pect," returned critic number two.
The subject of these remarks good-tem-
peredly preserved his self-possession by the
help OF a friendly newspaper, and when he
had undergone a further scathing fire Of
criticism, laid down his paper and calmly
observed in excellent Welsh: ''Since your
liberal and witty criticism of myself and
my affairs now seems somewhat exhausted,
may l inquire where You young ladies come
from, and what may be your names:"
To use the narrator's own words-he
never knew till then what blushing scarlet
meant, as he watched with amusement the
dreadful confusion of his fair detractors.-
Chambers Journal.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30
HIS NEW BUSINESS.

A Man who Went into the Milk Buslness
Because the Pump Refused to Lay
Eggs.
Simpson had been devoting his energies
to the raising Of chickens, but one day he
sold out, and appeared a. a dairyman.
Shortly after a friend met him in his milk
wagon.
81 want you to buy your milk from my
wagon" said Simpson, full of business.
"l'm agreeable to that" was the reply,
'sbut l thought you were selling chickens
and eygs?!"
II was for awhile, but this is better"
sNo money in the other?!'
ayes, some, but not so much as in this"
"How did you happen to changer
"Well, l was on a dairy farm for a week
last spring, and when l went back to my
old business l thought l had hit on a pay
ing scheme, and l worked at it faithfully
for two months; but, to save my life, l
couldn't make my pump lay eggs, so l sold
out and went into the milk business. See 2"
The new customer saw.-Mcrchunt Trar-
oIpr
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30

"Iou do not look WELL" said the Gov
ernor of Arkansaw, addressing an old fel-
low who had Gust arrived from, the north.
western part OF the State.
"No, l am bad Off. 1 never had sucl,
a spell O. sickness sense the day 1 was
bornd."
"Malariao:"
"No, Governor, not malaria. 1 don't
mind malaria. Why, malaria is fun for
me, but the caper that struck me about
three months ago came nigh blowin' out my
taller dip. Eff it hadn't been for the fact
that l am SO hump-shouldered l would have
been gone"
What difference did that maKe~
well, you see, l was tuck down with
meningitis. Its game is to pull a mans
head back. With me, that was impossible.
You never seed such a struggle in your life.
Sometimes after a long pull the Internal
thing would spit or its hands am 90 at it
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-10-30

they reside in the suburbs Of Austin, de-
termined to have their property insured
against. fire, merely because s"dc white
folkes' insured their property. The i'll
surance agent yielded at last to their i'm
portunities, and ven to look at the prem
Uses of the two enthusiasts on the subject
of insurance. Declining an invitation to
come inside and partake of some refresh
ments, the agent said:
I'VE can't insure your shanties."
whats objecshuns?!" asked Sam john
sing.
sin the first place, Mr.. Johnsing, you
have got your smoke-house right up close
to your cabin, and it will be sure to catch
fire the first time you use your smoke.
| house."
"Ef OATS all, l jess won't make no fire
in my smoke-house. I'll smoke my mea,
in Jim Webster's smoke-house, and he can
smoke his meat in my smoke-house; so dat
objecshun am done away wid."-Ieru4
Sifti2lgS.