San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1885-10-15
Advice 10 Young Men.


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Stick bouquet in your buttonholo, par
your hair in the middle, cram your numbe
nine hands into pair Of number sever
kids, aud get married.
There is nothing like 1t.
Why, where would YOU be now you idiot
il your father had lived an old bachelor al
his daysy
Will you hang back and let your children
be orphans because you refuse to become q
parent
Don't waste your time serenading your
girl, and getting chased out of the yard by
the faithful watchdog, but go TO her and
say:
"Amelia, my darling, / am the recipient
of six dollars per week, and abundantly
able 10 support wife. Wilt thou be miner"
And if she looks at the matter in the
same light that you do, she will hang her
eur on the point of your piccadilly and say;
"Orlando, | wilt"
OF course she wilt.
But there is possibility that you will be
the first to wilt after the marriage.
A man never knows what domestic bliss
is until he has been kicked out of bed once
or twice by an energetic wife who takes an
honest pride in letting HIM know that she is
proprietor OF that particular portion Of the
globe.
No matter bristle up, take unto yourself
wife, and have some style about you.
Almost everybody gets married, and it's a
good joke. But the joke soon wears out,
Some marry in haste and then sit down
and tnink it carefully over.
. Some sit down ami and think it carefully
over and then marry. Both ways are right
if you hit the mark.
If you are addicted to feelings of loneli-
ness marriage will cure You OF that.
If you are of an Independent spirit and
accustomed to having your own way, mar
riage will cure you OF that, also.
Perhaps it will be hard at first to realize
that you IRE Il married man.
But the first time you st!y out until mid
night the reality of the thing will be forced
upon you 80 abruptly that you will feel as
though you had been knocked down by a
foot-stool And may be You have, / don't
know.
Women are economical beings, and will
make your money go farther than you can.
They will make it go so fur that none OF
it will ever find its way back.
A wife's instinct of economy will enable
her to buy her husband IL whole suit of
clothes for fifteen dollars, and herself n
sncque for thirty.
Perhaps you have been in the habit OF
paying from seventy five cents to a dollar
and half for an undershirt.
Your wife will buy you one for 20 cents.
To be sure, when washed it looks like
set of fiddle strings; but it shouldn't be
washed You shouldn't be too clean.
Thus you will see that you cannot posi-
bly, get along without II wife.
The sooner you get one, the sooner yod
will be admitted to the paradise of conjugal
felicity, aud learn how to hold sqaallng
baby, while your wife hangs over the back
fence and tells Mrs. Smith what handy
husband she's got.
When your cothas get ragged, your wife
will repnir them aybo-if her time is not
too much taken up with other things
Even if she doesn't, you have the conso-
lation of pins.
Before you were married, you could new
or fluid pin when you wanted it; now they
are everywhere-all over the dressing table,
in the hash. on the floor, and sometimes
you make the painful discovery that they
are even in the chairs.
A pin is an insignificant affair of itself,
but when you sit down on its point, you
feel as if a telegraph pole had penetrated
your existence.
Married men make the best soldiers.
Not because they are the best fighters,
perhaps. but because they can do a better
job of retreating.
They learn to dodge flying missiles with
great nicely, and practice this sport so
much at home that they can get out of the
way of anything from gridiron to bomb
shell.