Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-07-23
NOT TO BE KnLED.
Where the Prize Ought to Goa French
Onieer's Attempt Mt Suicide.

Onicer's Attempt Mt Suicide.
From Hdrper's for AUgust.
elf there were prize for suicide, 1t
ought to 90 TO the Irishmap who vowed
ito hang hlmselfor perish lin the attempt"
"Well, should give it 70 the hero Of
Dumas Companions Of Jehu.'"
''Why, what did he do?"
Our talk was being carried on upon the
hurricane deck Of homeward- bound
steamer from the Cape, in the fun enjoy
ment Of doing nothing, alter all the eX-
element Of Zulul3nd and the Iransyaal
border.
"Wel, seemingly he objected TO taking
his own life, so be was always trying TO
get somebody else to do IL Tor MIN, and the
more he tried, the more be didn't sue
coed Once he quarreled with frst-rate
swOrdsman. and killed him without get
ting a scratch himself Another time he
went in among a band Of robbers, and
they let hIm 20 scOt-trce. Then he ch8l-
langed an Eu9lishmau who was a dead
shot, and John Ban cred in the air. At
last be threw himself into the thick OF the
battle Of MmengO, fred his pistol into a
powder wagon, and blew up not only
himself, but an entire Austrian regiment
as we'll"
ellis report IN that magazine must have
made some noise IN the world" remarked
Capt. Crawford, OF the til Foot.
"Come, don't You begin trying to make
Jokes, Crawford, or Pll jump overheard"
said Lieut.. Mason, Of the naval brigade.
"After all, that fellow didn't beat the
wind-up Of Burnand's thrilling tale in
the dime novel style: and with a wild
cry the wretched man plunged a dagger
into his heart, discharged the revolver
through his brain, swallowed the deadly
poison, and sprang from the bridge into
the gloomy river below. But his hour
was not yet Gomez"
"Well, he deserved no credit, because
he didn't succeed. as the German editor
said of the man who tried to kill Bis
marck. But, after all, who ever heard Of
such things in real lfe?'
Guess | have, anyhow"
We all started and looked around, no
one having noticed the presence Of Mr..
Hiram =. DOllarsworth, Z. 3, who, indeed,
WAS as babitually silent as the great gen
eraI whom fame has credited with the
power OF holding his tongue in ten Ian
guages.N
u kin beat that, reokin," pursued our
taciturn friend. "Hey any of we ever
been at st. Malo%'
- was there In 1861, Mr.. Dollarsworth,"
said $50 ] can guess TO what story you
refer, but Pm sure these gentlemen viii
DE glad to hear you tell it,"
"Wa'al, | guess it's worth tclln', - re-
Joined the Yankee, with a grim chuckle,
though don't know if they'll believe
it, neither. You SEQ, thar was a young
French officer thar in my time, one o
them young geese that tDin6 the hull
WORLDS out OF lint If their toe aches. One
day-h8Ying nothin' better 10 do, l 5'pOse
he made up bis mind to Kill himself and,
like them hightaluJin' Frencbcrs always
do, he concluded TO fix 1t SO as ms suicide
should be the talk Of all Europe SO up
he gets ajrly one mOrnip', and down he
goes to the beach, takin' with him rope,
and pistol, and a vial of pizen, and a
matchbox. Then he climbs up one OF the
tide-mark posts that's set in a row thar,
just as the sea was clOst up TO il, and he
bitches one eend o the rope around the
cross-piece at tho top, and the other eend
around his neck, aud then he set his
clothes atire with match, and swal-
Tered the piZen, and let slap the pistol at
bis head, and Chucked himself OF the post,
all 10 onct."
s'Well, he certainly deserved TO sue
coed, after taking so much pains" said
Lieut. Mason, as well as he could speak
for laughing.
Guess be didn't. though" answered
Mr.. Dollars worth; "for IL was list a case
OF too many cooks Spite the BROTH The
bullet. stead 20 gOin through ms skull
whar it wouldn't hey found many brains to
stop it, | reckin--cut the rope aud let him
down slick ker-swOsh into the sea, and put
out the IRE right away. Then swallerin'
the saltwater made him sick, and so be
got rid OF the pizen, and as If that Warn't
I disappointing enough, the f0od-tide
washed him ashore all alive and fresh,
as them lying fab dealers say. But if he
wanted to be the 'talE Of all Europe
1 guess be got his wish, for every newspa-
/ per on the hull continent had that story
/ fore the month was up, and the poor
/ critier got so etarnally laughed at that be
4 concluded to jine the MeXikin expedition
/ till the thing blew over"