Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-11-11
NEWSPAPEEs WIT.

Soy pOIU6E, Is Un6ro a
Boston sleeper on this train9 Porter
Yes, SIR; last coach but one. Tray
eler-Thanks. Travellers wife.Tbe,.a
Henry Clay Filkinsl knew Iconidn,t
lid bits. ''' oe'A'
UNDERWRITERS are candid people, A
gentleman called at Wells Street es-
Establishment last week and ordered An
outfit for a funeral. CDR. - sent me
here" he said. ooh, yes," said the
undertaken, CDR. - sends us all his
work. Chicago News.
A POET sings 81 threw my love at
him, and it hath gone astray." Of
course. If she had thrown stone at
q COW, the missile would have gone
astray too. The better plan would
have been to carry her love to him in
a Observation-Disclosures Herald
HAVE you found religion yet my
friend ?" the Rev. Sam Jones inquired
of one of his hearers. NO." was the
reply. "What is your occupation
may [ ask" 'I'm a detective"
HIM" observed the great revivalist,
"that accounts for ."-BostOn COur-
Ter.
"PAss" says the Amer. "Pass!"
says the Gar. 'iPass" says Sails
bury. "Dem fellers is dryin' to fool
nit me-" mutters Bismarck. s'Dey
mean dot Zoolifcar bass, and I yust
will bass minesef and led some odder
teller make dat drump. Den eucher
him. '-Pittsburg Chronicle.
PAPA (soberly)-"That was quite
monstrosity you had in the parlor
last evening? ?" Maud (nettled Gin
deed That must depend upon ones
understanding Of the term 'monstrosi-
ty." Papa (thoughtfully)-"Well,
two heads upon one pair of shoulders,
for example. bingham Republican.
LADY in art store Have you any
painting that you can guarantee to be
real old master ?" Proprietor-"We
have few, madam, that are we'll au-
thenticated. What particular study
or subject would you prefer ?" Lady
Ia little undecidedly)-"Well-er bit
of Adirondack scenery, I think, or if
you haven't that, Niagara Fails in
mid-winter would do"
APPEARANCES are very deceiving. A
little boy at the opera who noticed the
gentlemen looking through their opera
glasses at the ballet dancers, was of
the opinion that the opera glasses
were for an entirely different purpose.
He said: Mamma, buy me one of
those things, so that / can cover up
my eyes with it when those women
come on the stage. "-Texas Siftings.
"SHoW me your license, if you please
sir" said French game-keeper to
poacher. "I'm not hunting game, my
FRIEND" said the poacher. "Tm only
looking for my wife, who has run away
into the woods with young fellow, a
neighbor of mine When I find her I'll
shoot her, and the fellow too" "That
alters the case" said the game-keeper,
with 81 grin; ''but before you 60 any
cate"
THE passenger from Pennsylvania
was complaining of business down his
way. Everything dull. 1.-TWO years
ago." he said, 81 went into the oil re-
gions with $4,000. Day before yes
terday pulled out with $3.50, and am
going West to get me a farm" ''You
didn't invest very wisely, did you ?"
remarked the elderly passenger. "No,"
replied the Pennsylvania, sadly, mot
wisely, but in two wells" -Chicago
Herald.
De CAMERA, who is an amateur
photographer: "Really, Miss Eveline,
[ should so delight to try you by the
new dry plate process" Miss Eveline,
who has healthy appetite: "Why
Mr.. De Camera, it would do you no
good. No, indeed, no dry plate for
me, I'm always awfully hungry, you
know" "But you don't comprehend.
[ would like to take you''-"Ask pa
pa!:. Tableau. He had to take her,
appetite and all.-Hartford Post.
THESE notes were taken from the d.
airy of a lady and copied in the Bos-
ton Beacon: First dayton the high
seas; stormy weather; disagreeable
company. Second day-Captain very
amiable; made declaration of love,
and offered me his heart and hand.
Third day-Captain returns to the
charge; threatens to kill me, commit
suicide, and blow up the whole vessel
with 800 persons; rejected. Fourth
day-Saved the lives of 800 persons.
tx.
WIFE Ito husband ga boy at the
door just left this note. It's addressed
to you and marked Present" Hus-
band present? I don't know who
could be sending me present. Did
the boy bring anything else?" Wife
excited Perhaps the present is in
the note. Maybe it's a check" Hus-
band Opening the note)-"No such
luck as that" (Reading) "H'm.
please pay boy amount due This
amt no present. Tell the boy I'm
out. "-Harper's Bazaar.
PRoF. BERNSTEIN (expatiating(-
"Lifeis hollow; it is bubble; nothing
is what it seems" verybody-"Ho
beautiful" Prof. B.-"We' are walk
ing on volcanoes which may at any
moment overwhelm u.s." Everybody
-"How true" Prof. B. getting ex-
cited ('I-myself could explode this
volcano. For instance, there are
some men who habitually deceive their
wives. There is a man here Six
men (rising)-"Well, professor, I can