The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-10-24
A STUDENT OF SLAMS.
How Glitter Passes For Gold in Thought
less Communities.

blcher OF une Trial LIST, reporter sat
down yesterday to dinner The place
was nearly empty. The only person at
the next table was a man who, instead
Of eating drummed idly on the table
and every now and then looked about
him. Whenever he did look about him
he smiled. The smile was one of those
ostentatious smiles that invite YOUR
nelghbor to ask what you are smiling
about, The reporter looked inquiring-
ly at his neighbor. The latter hitched
his chair up to the reporter with a nerv-
Gus motion and broke out Il come to
this place and other places like it to
satiate myself with sham. have come
to admire sham. 1t is the ruling spirit
OF the age. 1t is the outcome of the
craze for appearances-the desire of
every man to eat, drink and be clothed
like his betters. This desire can not be
appeased, for the price of the best is
eternallv fixed-therefor it is sOpped
with an imitation of the best at a price
it can afford to pay. This. place is
tem g,a>, ST sham. Excuse this homily.
-ttSft0 14Ty-nEs ctseIilg - fhal -
The reporter, who had his own doubts
on the subject, replied, cautiously
Its supposed to be turtle soup"
The stranger shifted contemporary:
ut isn't even attempted to cover up
that sham" he said You notice on
the bill of fare that your turtle soup is
but ten cents more per plate than mock
turtle soup. Calipash and calipee
green fat, an historic delcacy, famed in
the history Of the worlds metropolis as
the acme Of epicurean delight, for ten
cents more than a fried meat ball. But
the age like to think it is eating turtle
soup. 1t sounds rich-therefore the
yeally counterfeit. l am going to eat
a Spanish omelette," continued the
stranger, changing the subject
The stranger gave his order to
colored waiter who yawned and
twisted his mOustache against gilded
pillar, and the omelette was brought
The stranger investigated the ingredi-
ents of the savory mess with his fork
and on the end of the utensl produced
mushroom. Look at this, " he said.
Then he picked at the appetizing vege-
table with his knife, scraped off the
covering of sauce and began pairing the
stem. 1t crumbled under the operation
in decidedly unyegetable way. The
reporters eyes popped out on his
cheeks
What is it?" he asked.
Dough, replied the stranger. ut
is an old trick. Mushrooms are scarce
and high. Still the patrons like to have
the sensation of ordering mushrooms in
their composition. If prices were put
up to the mushroom market they would
abandon the restaurant. So they eat
dough. 1t is harmless. | would advise
the proprietor to stick to dough and not
indulge in toadstools, which might
work injury"
The stranger pushed away the ON
elette, which, he explained he had only
ordered as an excuse for remaining in
the place, and lighted cigarette. As
he sent a straight, strong column of
smoke out from the bottom of his lungs
after deep inhalation. he went on
talking. at is a question, he said,
whether any man of the present gen
Grafton, save only the negroes. who roll
their cigars out of leaves plucked from
bales of raw tobacco on the wharves of
Southern ports, has ever tasted real
tobacco. myself have smoked valerian
80 long that you see | positively enjoy
it, | confess that / do not know what
real tobacco is. Idiots who buy. and
liars who sell various preparations of
valerian will tell you that they do"
The reporters cane which had been
leaning against the wainscot while its
owner gorged himself with sham food,
fell to the floor with a rafting noise
The strangers eye followed the direction
of the noise. THAT stick" he said,
(which is made to represent Irish
blackthorn and was grown In jersey.
leaned against panel which is made
to represent mahogany and is really
ash. The imitation blackthorn 81 d
along the imitation mahogany and fell
npon something which is meant to
represent a marble floor. 1t did not
fall upon marble floor, but upon a
preparation of sort of concrete which
is made to represent marble by patent
tile company, The very noise produced
is sham.
The reporter, occupied with the
horrid doubt in his mind as to whether
the piece of beef in his mouth was
horse, paid no attention to the strangers
assault upon his cane, and the homilist
continued, as if to himself "a temple
of sham. The sunlight falls through
stained glass which is not stained glass,
but stained paper pasted on window
panes. 1t lights upon medallons of
hammered brass aud a frieze of re-
pousse work which are not hammered
brass and repousse, but papier mache.
Truly the"
The reporter interrupted the speaker.
He had come to the last course of his
meal.
Sir" he said anxiously. sis the pie
imitation, too?" There was a silence
in which the disciple listened with bated
breath and the teacher framed his
wisdom into words. NO" he said
softly. mo one would initiate Ameri-
can pie" And producing a coin which
he said should by rights be counterfeit,
he paid his check and walked out
Press.
Soft Molasses Gingerbread; One
and one half cu,,c ", los1oy ono o,,r ,f