The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-04-18
ATTORNEY-GENERAL GARLAND.
The Ponderous Joke Which Colonel Dick
Bright Played Upon Him.


The Ponderous Joke Which Colonel Dick
Bright Played Upon Him.
Colonel Dick Bright, of Indiana, bears
off the honor of perpetrating the first
Joke at the expense of the new Attorney
General, himself an inveterate Joker and
hearty lover of good fun. While
Colonel Bright was.Sergeant-at-Arms of
the Senate his personal relations with
Mr.. Garland, then a member of that
body, were intimate and cordial. The
two gentlemen, indeed, became warm
friends, and have since remained so.
To-day Colonel Bright walked into the
Department of Justice and made his
way back into the Acknowledgement n
private office. 1t was after Office hours,
and IN few moments the Attorney
General made his appearance. The
day had been busy one. and Mr.. Gar
land was very tired. Into both of his
ears since early in the morning had
been poured a ceaseless flood of praise
and appeal in the interests of men seek
ing Office
dick, old fellow, said the Attorney
General, advancing with his hand ex-
tended and wearing a pleasant smile,
I'm glad to see you"
The two clasped hands and dropped
down on sofa side by side. Mr.. Gar
land had Il pleasant chat in prospect,
and the hope of hearing new story or
1.-TWO.
MIR Attorney-General, you look IA
hgued,' said Colonel Bright, sympa-
thetically.
'Diek, am fatigued I'm glad it's
all over for the day, and I'm glad you
are here. It's refreshing to talk to
man on some other subject than office.
Mr. Garland took one of Colonel
Bright's hands and rubbed it down
with a gentle stroke. Colonel Bright.
all unobSeryed, smiled n very wicked
smile. He then Strengthened up and as
sumed slightly embarrassed and Sc
rious expression of face.
Senator, he said, dropping into the
old title, Pm sorry to disappoint you;
but | am seeking office myself. have
come in late to get an uninterrupted
audience. "
Mr.. Garland's face heightened and
small sigh escaped him. But he rallied
and said in his old way:
"Well, I'm glad to see you. anyhow
State your case, old fellow
I'VE have always been good friends,
Senator" began Colonel Bright; 1.-The
very best, | trust, | served you when
could when in office"
You did more than | ever asked you
to, and | can never forget it, >" gener-
ously admitted Mr.. Garland.
"Well, then, | ask a small return
now" replied Colonel Bright Il
don't want any of these places here at
home, where there is such a scramble,
but | want to 90 abroad. If there is no
other applicant deemed worthier of the
place, | should like to be made In
spector of Pork at Jerusalem. | am
well Endorsed for the place. as YOU will
see, " handing over some papers. Il
ask your assistance to get it. / can i'm
agine no objection to me, unless it
should be urged that, being from hog
raising country, | might become the
creature of pork ring and force only
one kind of meat on the Jerusalem mar
ket. My character, however, is good
enough, trust to survive such an as
sault."
Mr.. Garland had mechanically taken
the Coloners papers and heard him
through without once catching on. He
had actually begun to read the applica-
ton, which had been made out in due
form, before the light dawned upon
him. Then his lips began working,
and, the start once made. the corners
of his mouth ran away toward his ears,
and the Attorney General subsidized in a
hearty roar of laughter. Colonel Bright
joined in, and the two friends again
shook hands.
dick" said Mr. Garland, rising and
walking off few steps, what will you
take to 90 over and try your game on
Bayard? Do it and you can com
mand me for the best dinner in Wash
ington."
But Colonel Bright was afraid. He
felt that he didn't know the Secretary
well enough. He contented himself
with lunching with Mr.. Garland at Mr.
Garland's expense on what he had al
ready accomplished Washington Tele-
lrIDl.