The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-03-19
THE CLABBER GLUE.

Election of Officers--Tho Inaugural
Ceremonies and Il ValedictOry.
Last night the Clabber Club met to
see the old officers out, and the new ones
in. Great anxiety had been felt by sew
eral employees, who doubted whether
they could hold under the new admins
tration, but the new president, Gov.
Towns of Georgia, assured them that
while the civil service rules should be
carefully followed, the questions asked
would be only such as they could GER
tainly answer, and that their examina-
! tons would never be read anyhow. So
quiet again reigned, except in the bosom
of the distinguished gentleman from
Tennessee, who saw himself deprived of
an office, which he had fondly hoped
would be perpetual possession.
AT the proper time, Gov. Towns rose
in his place and delivered an inaugural
address which was so ambiguous on all
important points that each member
thought the new president agreed with
him exactly, and there was no dissent to
the motion that it be printed and laid be-
fore the people as a model upon which
all future addresses of the kind might be
shaped. There was much applause and
few yells.
Major Royal then observed that he
thought the retiring president was the
greatest man ever born outside Of Vir-
ginia, and if he could be prevailed upon
to spend few years in the pursuit of
wisdom on the sacred soil of the Old Do
minion it might be possible for him to
hope for 4 return to power some future
day. Therefore he moved that we hear
the remarks, which were doubtless hid
behind the solemn visage Of the gentle
man from Tennessee.
Truthful Jeems opposed the motion on
the ground that he had been badly treat
ed by the Judge, but the chair ruled him
out of order, and enjoined him not to
bear malice because he couldn't go fish
ing,
| ThereupOn the Judge stated that not
even his enemies could envy him his
late trip. II suffered all possible ills, ex-
cept that of hunger" said he: II was
taken literally and metaphorically up
Salt River by Spike; was dipped in the
lake; only had piece of plank for a
boat; was led through cypress swamps
for deer, and made to eat sour oranges
under the impression that they were
sweet. When I expressed a desire to
fish, l was put where I could see thous-
ands of black bass, but only given piece
of red flannel for bait. At night I ex-
pected some rest, but after 1 had care
fully fastened down my mosquito net, a
careless comrade passed too near with a
blazing palmetto fan, and the net evap-
GRATED in puff of smoke. was taken
out to spear fish, but was placed Just be-
hind "a pine torch which smoked me
nearly to death, while the rest of the
party were enjoying splendid sport
caught some excellent fish. but could
not rest satisfied till I tried my hand
with the cast-net, in which attempt !
loosened my teeth so much that | Will
have to live on cruel for some months.
I killed a deer, but they bloodied me SO
completely that my hair is still caked
together in places. Gentlemen, conclud-
ed the orator, waxing warm, ''all my
woes are due to Spike and Allen, there
fore move that these be expelled from
this honorable body"
So the house proceeded to ballot,
which resulted ia a vote of thanks to
Spike and Allen, while the Judge was
assured that these loving friends had only
been trying to make him worthy Of the
associations he had lately formed,
The president was then requested to
name the new officers, but he assured
the house that he would do exactly what
pleased him in this respect, and there
was no need of advice from his friends.
The house then adjourned, but little
groups were formed, and from the opin-
ions expressed, W fear that Mossbacks,
Mugwumps and Strai ghtouts are all dis
satisfied. Mr.. Towns may please him.
self in the selection of his Cabinet, but
he cannot please the disappointed appli-
cants, and these seem 70 be in the ma
iority Just now.