Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1885-04-05
pEno-Dsuc.wu,ap PRIMER.

Papa, what does tnls beacon mean nero
BY saying that the EAGLE n stealing some
body's thunder!
Shades of Eugene Field, the author of the
political primer, Heaven only knows, my
boy. There always is an unsubstsntial and
indefinite remoteness enveloping the envi-
ronments of that man Whites mentel hallu-
cinations viii b everla.tingly lays it over
the average nhabitant of this mundane
sphere. l; Sc, IS that when boy he Was
struck On the ead ia the region of his bump
Of venerstion ,.ith cops billy, which lick
developed h.. up so huge. that the contu-
sion subseque: IS took the form and place
of the mans b I'd proper. For forty years
he has been ST. ping alone and nursing that
solitary bump until it has absorbed all bis
physical, menial and sensuous energies, so
that tina. which might have passed for man
is only in truth al abnormal bumb going
about the world on two legs eIuding naught
but "policeman's clubs" from one years end
10 the other.' He don't know any
thing but ''the policeman's club" he
never thinks or dreams Of anything but q
''policelnan's club" and of course he can't
write about or talk shout anything but a
"poiiceman's club" it's his soul, his life, his
pump, his cranky all.
Don't you pity him. paps.
Yes, my boy, vet prefer that you would
lay down that Beacon. A bump which en-
tertsins such fear Of the polieenan's club
and who yet says that he would rather the
world would be governed to-day BY saloon
than BY church influences. and who there
fore takes ss his standard of perfect moral
manhood, the saloon keeper rather than the
preacher, is too dangerous bump for my
my boy to pattern after. Read the Bible or
or the Saints Everlasting Rest, and the
EAGLE, my son, as much rs you are inclined
for these will only elevate that which is God
like and noble within you while upon the
other hand that sheet can only develop and
foster and encourage the devil that's so hard
to keep .ubdued in our fallen human ma
lures.
Papa, who arc those gentlemen over there
oil laughing and pointing down at the street
gutter,
Those are, my son, the city engineer and
his assistant and the street commissioner and
his force and some of the curb and gutter
contractors. Their exuberaDce comes of
the fact that all the curbing and guttering
of the entire city lie crumbling down and
splitting off and all Of it will have TO be
replaced at cost OF great many thousands
of dollars to owners Of business lots, many
of whom protested when the rotten excuse
for stone went in, declaring that it wouldn't
stand.
There must have been sob" in the
curbing and gu,tering, father,
A Sob" my son, well should smile; it
was bald-headed robbery and unblushing
swindling. Cottonwood plank would have
lasted longer, but the city authorities claimed
and maintained that they couldn't make
water run up hill with any other kind Of
material for the curbs and cutters.
Water run up hill, papa
Yes, my unsophisticated, the drainsge sys-
tenn of Wichita is al based upon the unique
theory that for thorough drainage the lower
end of the gut or should be slightly the
highest, and Il It they reiigiously carried out
that theory II have only to look at any
gutter to be convinced.
heard ore Of them mugwump fellers,
papa, whisper oft-like to another mugwump
teller, that ! Oh old muck-a-muck of the
L. and o. S. vas not only with them. but
that he was he ping out with the finances:
now, what is tie L. and o. S. popa'
The L. and o. S. ore hieroglyphics like
unto the W. G. T. T., my son, the signifca-
ton whereof is Law and Order Society"
ring within II ring, the far-down center
circle Of the prohibition party, whose
particular business is to look after saloons
and drug stores OF easy virtue. Still, re-
member my boy, that these mugwumps are
such obelisk liars that little faith can be put
in their whispers. As an instance Of their
expansive cheek, they say that the editor of
the EAGLE is afflicted with gall, tina; he is a
prohibitory-diinkcr. liberal-teetotler, and
that some unknown mugwump or Demo-
crat helps him edit his paper, as though
there was enough brains in the entire Dem
ocratic party, including the sports, saloon
keepers, and the no-drug-wumps living
to edit paper like that. But, my son, il
any officer or member OF The Law and Order
Society, is, in reality, guilty of giving aid
and comfort to any nominee on the demo-
drug-wump ticket, then that society ought
to straightway crawl into the first bung-hoie
| that presents itself and draw the orifce in az
ter him, while the guilty individual members
should be presented with piece of the rope
with which Judas Iscariot ended his unfort-
unate existence, and advised to follow his
example by hitching to the first possible
| limb.
What was that man saying TO you this
morning about the jobs connected with the
present administration, that he could put
his finger right where thousands had gone
and that vast sums were collected from
questionable sources and in questionable
ways and paid out without any showing ever
being made and that he had big notion to
squeal for the way he had been treated.
Sh-sh-h, my boy, little pitchers shouldn't
wear such big auricular appendages. Our
side viii show those matters ali up when
honest men get at the helm and the expenses
and taxes under Mr.. Ruian will be lowered
fully one-half. and ''don't you forget it."
CRAZY As A BED BUG.
A young man about % years of age, who
gives his name as George Shindler, received
some attention from tho authorities yes;er-