Connecticut western news., 1885-03-11
SHE WANTS TO BE A MAN.
Woman Sums Up the Disadvantages Her Sex are LaborinE Under, and Concludes that She Doesn't Have Fun Enough.

The Lowell Times publishes the fol- lowing, revised by & woman: It is a dreadful bother to be a woman and do the business up in good shape. In the first place you've got to look we'll, or you're nobody. A man may be ever so homely and still be popular. Whiskers cover up most of his face, and if he has a big mouth nobody mistrusts it, and if he does wrinkle bad on his foreA ad his friends speak of his many cares and of his thoughtful disposition, and tell each other that his wrinkles are lines of thought. Lines of thought, indeed, when in all probability his forehead is wrinkled by the bad habit he has got of scowling at his wife when the coffee isn't strong enough.
 A woman must always be in good order. Her hair must always be frizzed and banged as fashion demands, and she must powder if she has shining skin; and she must manage to look sweet no matter how sour she may feel; her dress must hang just so, and her lace must always be spotless and her boot buttons always in place and her finger nails always clean; and then she mustn't whistle, nor climb fences, nor stone cats, nor scold when she's mad.
 She can't go out alone, because la- dies must be protected; she can't go anywhere when 1t rains, because her hair won't stay frizzed and she'll get mud on her petticoats and things; she can't be a Free Mason, because she would tell their secrets and everybody would know all about the goat and grid iron; she can't smoke, because that would be unfeminine; she can't go counting, because that would not be wo- manly. But she must get married be- fore she Is 25, or everybody will feel wronged. People will sigh over her, and wonder why it is that linen don't seem to take;" and all the old maids and widows smile and keep quiet. Oh, these smiles and these significant looks ! They are ten times more than open slan- ders. It is terrible thing to be an old maid. Everybody knows it is, and the women who are married to drunken hus- bands, and who manage to quarrel with them six days out of seven, will live in an agony of spirit over the single wo- man and call her that "poor old maid.
 A woman must marry rich or she uOcSu marry Mtll. Auu RO u1hIIy "welr' is the end and aim of a woman's existence, judging from the view which people in general take of this matter. It is everybody's business when a wo. man marries. The whole neiRhborhood put their heads together and talk over the pros and cons, and decide whether she is good enough for him. There is nothing said about his being good enough for her. And they criticise the shape of her nose, and relate anecdotes of how lazy her grandfather was, and how her Aunt Sally used to sell beans and buttermilk. A woman must wear No. boots on No. feet, and she must manage to dress we'll on 75 cents a week, and she mustn't be vain, and she must go regularly to the sewing society meet ings, and be ready to dress dolls and make tidies and aprons for church fairs. She must be a good cook, and she must be able 10 ''do up" her hus- bands shirts so that the Chinese wash erman would groan with envy and gnash his teeth with the same unholy passion at the sight of them.