The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-10-04
WHIMSICALITIES.
Eccanfric,tx In Lunch.

Written for the Journal by Bill Nye.-TCoryrightedi
Over at Kasota Junction. the other day, found
living curiosity. He was man of about me-
dunn height. perhaps forty FIVE years Of age, OF
quiet disposition, and not noticeable or pecu-
liar in his geaaral manner He runs the rail-
road eating house at that point, and the one odd
characteristic which he has makes him we'll
known all through three or four States. Icould
not illustrate his eccentricty any better than by
relating circumstance that occurred to me at
the Junction last week. Ihad just eaten break
fast there and paid for it, stepped up TO the
cigar case, and asked this man if he had "a rat
thing good cigar"
Without knowing it I had struck the very
point upon which this man seems to be crank,
if you will allow me that expression, though it
doesn't fit very well in this place. He looked at
me in a sad and subdued manner and said: mo,
sir; haven't a rafting good cigar in the house.
have some cigars there that 1 bought for Ha-
vana filters, but they are mostly filed with
pieces of colorado maduro overalls. There's
box over yonder that bought for good. straight.
ten-cent cigars, but they are only q chaos
of hay and fora, fno and damfino.
all socked into Wisconsin wrapper
Over in the other end OF the case is brand Of
cigars that were to knock the tar out of all other
kinds of weeds, according to the urbane rustler
who sold them to me, and then drew on me be-
fore could light one of them. Well, instead Of
being fine colorado claro, with high-priced
wrapper, they common Mexicano stinkoros,
in Mother Hubbard wrapper. The commercial
tourist who sold me those cigars and then drew
on me at sight, was a good deal better on draw
than his cigars are. If you will notice, you will
see that each cigar has spinal column to it,
and this outer debris is wrapped around it
One man bought cigar out of that box last
week. told him, though just as | am telling
you. that they were no good and II he bought
one he would regret it. But he took one, and
went out on the veranda to smoke it. Then he
stepped on a melon rind and fell with great
force on his side. When we picked him up, he
gasped once twice and expired. We opened
his hurriedly, and found that in falling this
bouquet de guefoactoro cigar with the spinal
column had been driven through his breast bone,
and had penetrated his heart The wrapper OF
the cigar wasn't so much as cracked"
But doesn't it impair your trade to run on IN
this wild, reckless way about your cigars?"
sit may at first but not after awhile. l al
ways tell people what my cigars are made of,
and then they can't blame me; 60. after awhile
they get to believe what l say about them.
often wonder that no cigar man ever tried this
way before. do just the same way about my
lunch counter If man steps up and wants o.
fresh ham sandwich, give it to him II I've got
it. and if haven't it, tell him So If you turn
my sandwiches over, you will find the date OF
its publication everyone. If they are not
fresh and have no fresh ones tell the custom
er that they are not so blamed fresh as the
young man with the gauze mustache, but that
/ can remember very well when they were fresh,
and if his artificial teeth fit him pretty we'll. he
can try
Its just the same with boiled eggs. 1
have a rubber dating stamp, and as soon as the
eggs turned over to me by the hen for in
spection Idate them. Then they are boiled and an
other date in red is stamped on them If one OF
my clerks should date egg ahead, would fire
him too quick.
"On this account, people who know me will skip
a meal at Missouri Junction, in order to come
here and eat things that not clouded with
mystery / do not keep any poor stuff when
BILE fact.
"Of course cook will sometimes SNUG
gle late date onto medieval egg and sell it,
but he has to change his name and flee.
II suppose that if every eating house should
date everything and be square with the public,
it would be an old story and wouldn't pay, but as
it is, one trying to compete with Inc, do we'll
out of it, and people come here out of curiosity
good deal.
"The reason try to do right ana win the pub
lie esteem is that the general public never did
me any harm, and the majority of people who
travel are kind that may meet in a future
state. shall hate to have thousand travelling
men holding nuggets of rancid ham sandwich
under my nose through all eternity and know
that had lied about it, It's an honest fact If
knew I'd got to stand up and apologize for my
handmade, all-around, seamless pies and quar-
antined cigars, heaven would be object"