Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-06-04
THE EXCHANGE FIEND.
A Creature Whose Staying Qualities Are
Unappreciated Except by Editors.

A Creature Whose Staying Qualities Are
Unappreciated Except by Editors.
There is an ancient oriental legend
to the effect that once upon a time a
modest looking dromedary stuck his
head into the sanctum OF daily news
paper and requested to be allowed to
glance over the exchanges. The &C
commodating and gentlemanly editor
said: Certainly, with pleasure" and
the result was that in a short tine the
dromedary was polishing the sacred
editorial tripod and had both hoofs on
the table. going through the exchanges.
When the editor intimated that he felt
cramped, the dromedary replied,
humorously, that perhaps the editor
would feel more untrammeled if he
were on the outside.
The moral of this simple little legend
is that the proper time to sit down on
the exchange tiend is at the opening of
the campaign. or else he will be as
hard to remove from position as a
firmly established mother-in-law.
1t is fact that nobody outs de of
newspaper Office can understand or APP
preciate the staying qualities of an ex-
change tiend. Those who begin the
performance with an overture to the
effect that they know newspaper men
are always busy, hence they will stay
but a moment, are the ones that re-
semble French clock. they never
go. The exchange fiend is always a
brilliant conversationalist Different
editors have different campaign plans.
Some editors hang up big signs in
front of their desks, such as: go Hire
a Hall and Tell Us All About It,"
Others have picture of a deaths
head and the legend underneath: This
Man Was Talked to Death" An ex-
change fiend will read over these adj
monitions, laugh and say: "You have
hit 'em off to T."
If the editor has only one chair. the
fiend will sit down on the editors desk,
or even on the editor himself.
Other people dread the power of the
press. Not so the exchange fiend. He
has the audacity of the flea that takes
his breakfast off thelion's lip. He never
realizes his danger.
There was once a Texas newspaper
man who ran short of material to write
up and who thought it would be joke
to encourage an exchange fend. just
to see how far he would go, and then
write it up. So when the exchange
fiend walked in, the editor did not 90.
as usual. and get ''Webster's Una
bridged," and impressively lay it on
the exchanges along with four or five
paper weights. to keep the papers from
blowing away by the breeze that was
the fiend to help himself The fiend
% ~, 81
could see his cheek harden. He re-
moved his hat, coat. vest, cravat and
boots, as if he was going in swimming.
Then he went to the editorial coat
that was hanging on the rack and
hunted for a cigar. In dong so he
came across several letters and postal
cards. He was considerable enough to
read them, holding the borrowed cigar
in his mouth all the time. 1t was evil
dent that the exchange fiend did not
require much encouragement, so the
editor determined to give him a little
sarcasm.
IF there is anything you want that
you don't see, just ask for it, said the
editor.
The fiend took puff of the cigar and
said:
"Cussed poor cigar. Where did they
give them to you? I want to steer
clear of that place. By the way. there
are some New York papers that want
you to get. Have 'em put on your ex-
change list. III give you list of the
papers want"
The fiend was perfectly serious; so
was the editor, who rallied and re-
marked with a sneer:
Don't you want me to turn over
the Post-office key to you? Perhaps
you would like to open the money-order
letters?'
You do need business mana ger,
but | fancy you would hardly be able
to pay me my price to take hold of
your business department..
1t became still more evident that this
fiend did not require much more en-
couragement to feel perfectly at ease.
Once more the EDITORS face was
wreathed in scorn, as he said:
Il am going to have a telephone put
up between this office and your resi-
dence, so you will be able to spend some
Of your time athome."
This is good enough for me right
here, if you will fill a side basket. and
have some more pegs to hang clothes
on replied the demon, tearing the
wrappers off the exchanges.
The amusing feature of this CONVEX
sation is that it actually took place. 1t
is popularity of the newspaper bore
that he is perfectly honest in believing
that he is the only visitor to the office
who is not bore, hence any hint you
may give him to clear out is taken as
the spirit of banter, as if it were pleas
antly and not seriously meant for him
at all.-Aler Street, in -4rkanSaO IraU-
ajo