Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-01-03
WIT AND HUNOR.

a young animal called in common
parlance a lamb.
The exterior woody covering of the quad
ruped was in color as white as the
driven snow;
And to all places and localities whittier
soever SAID Mary in her Wanderings
did perambulate,
The aforesaid small quadruped in like
manner was Just as certain to 90. =
oil City Derrick.
Johnny, do you know the tenth come
mandment?"
"Yes'm."
''Say it."
Cant"
But you just said you knew it,
Johnny"
"Yes'm, I know it when I see it. -
Neag York Sun.
Mamma, is that turkey a gobbler?"
ayes, my child"
"Well. then, is a baby turkey a goblet?
-NslU York Journal.
my, what do they give hens lime for?"
ooh, to make the shells of their eggs"
"Well, did the hen that laid the golden
egg have her teeth filed, like pa's?'-
Boston Times.
don't understand what our Sunday
school teacher was telling US about q
camel going through the eye Of a needle.
Shouldn't you think his hump would
stop him? Small brother of the average
American type: No, sis; he'd have to
hump himself to get through.-& Paul
Dag.
eve have fought for twenty-four
years" said a 14-year-Old youth in a
Tenth street car, land now we've won.
Well seat our man, too, you bet. No
~ IN
They can cheat US once, but never a sec
Ond time. Philadelphia Press.
The proprietor of a large store on Aus
tin avenue noticed that his head book
keeper had hired a young assistant
"WhO is that young fellow you have
engaged?" asked the proprietor.
"He Is a very nice young man. He
comes from Boston"
Comes from Boston, does her Just
you keep your eye on him. Those BOs-
ton fellows can stand q heap of watching
They will cheat you out of your eye
teeth if they get a chance. 1 know 'em.
L came from there, originally, myself
z'eTdS SJtjng8.
In speaking of the girl to whom he was
engaged he referred TO her as his 'hnan-
cee."
"YOu mean your fancee, I guess. It is
pronounced fOe-Ong-say."
81 don't care how it is pronounced.
That girl is my finance. She's worth
$4,000" -NeaU York Sun.
rRun around and see how old Blow
hard is now, said the editor to the Office
boy. eve may get him yet for to-day's
issue"
Boy gets back. a
"Well, is he dead YETI"
"NO; the doctor was there, and he said
he was getting better"
ST don't believe a word Of it. The old
rascal never did like our paper, and he
is holding of to die until after we issue,
so that the morning papers will get the
news first. III fix him. I'll suspend
publication for a few hours and see if
can't beat the old sOn-Ofa-gun. Ken
tIcby State Journal.
Again he is here,
With fiendish leer,
The fellow you all doth know;
In manner wise
He Winks his eyes
And sWeetly says IL told you se.'
Wen get club
And, EuD-a-Qub,
| Wen mash him with mighty blow,
Let's hang him high
/ He ought 20 Die ..
/ I he wretch who say" 81 told you So"
| Bride-There, I knew how it would be.
! We have not been married q month and
already you-have ceased to care for me.
! Young Husband-Why. my dear what
can you be thinking Of? YoUsa dearer
/ to me than ever.
! at isn't so; [ know itisn't. You took
/ tea at our house several times before we
were married, and you scarcely touched
/ a thing. Ma said she knew you were
truly in love, because you haduo apPe-
tite"
"Of course, dear but"
'tAnd now you are actually complain
ing Just because forgot to get anything
for breakfast. - Philadelphia CAL.
''YOu. don't seem to like newspapers
! Colonel?'
'sNo; they have cost me SIS, 600"
HHOW was thatl"
.''You recollect last year I was SANDER
ed by one of themF'
Eyes; but that couldn't have injured
YOU to that extent"
aWell, it did. sued for ibel.-DrGEs''
/ Magazine.
How a Child OF Mystery Became the BoEi
Of the Ranch
From -'On q Margin see
The unQuestionable head of the house
hold was a young girl, occupying an
anomalous position between that Of 8
ward and an adopted daughter to the
bachelor merchant She was hal IN
figure, pale and flushed by turns. She
possessed eyes of peculiar. brightness
that flashed anger or tWinkled gentle
ness with fantastic irregularity.. She
was now fourteen, bright, VlVaOlOus
rr-A 81 r.Na- > Ts1eA