Omaha daily bee., 1885-02-21
o
Il teath get the gold filing.

The front teeth get the gold filling.
The mercury can safely come up out of the
basement. The battle is mostly over.
A rirg around the moon is a SIGN of raip,
and a ring around the eye is a sign Of a blow.
A policeman never hits a man when he Is
down-that is, If the man has any backbone
left.
II a piano could only strike back there
would be q great many broken fingers in this
world.
meek or nothing" remarked the landlady
rs she handed that part Of the chicken to the
late boarder.
1T is a wise whild that knows its own
father, " said the chicken AS 1t stepped out of
the incubator. -tPeck's Sun.
A burglar got into the house OF lawyer the
other day. Ey superhuman Efforts he escaped
without losing anything bnt his time. Puck.
Some scientific mon has discovered that
sewage fattsns fish. This accounts for the
fine, ripe flavor rome of them have in mid.
summer.
In all this wrsck of cabinets, ministries and
armies and crash of dynamite and things, it
is pleasing to know that the base ball war is
settled and the season promises to be y good
one.
There's nothing that gives so much pleas
L hDbuJ JIG , p'tulstS dS a Rdlllt IOOSl T "a
man with q game Rooster aud n game wife
never lacks sufficient to keel him wide awake.
-lkentucky S.ate Journsl,
"What can we do with this h'deous, old
fashioned set of jswelry?' one partner asked
another. :'Why, stick it in the show.window
and mark it Very unique! Not for saleI and
we will sell it b.fore noon"
A patent medicine firm has offered the gov
eminent q large sum of money if it be al
lowed to advertise its medicines on the back
of the postage stamps. This, they think,
would be a good way to ret it lin eyerooneis
mouth"
1t is said that the policemen of st. Louis
are very accommodating and will do their
very level best to keep visitors from getting
lost If a stranger asks a policeman to di-
rect him to q certain place, that worthy will
offer to eel him a guide book for the small
sum If twenty-five cents or three for n half q
dollar. [Peck's sun.
Mistress Ito applicant for %service) "How
many nights out q week."
APPROXIMATIONS, mum OF niver sthir
out"
Mistress < Will you have many friends to
see you?'
Applicant-"Nat wan, mum. Oh have no
frien1s."
Mistress -"What wages will you expect?''
Applicant -"Oill lave that to ye, num-"
Misstress-"Wha kind OF homework are
you willing to do?"
Applicant-"Oi'm willin' to wash, an airun,
an cook, an schrub, an clane windy 8, an
wait on table, an tafke care av childer, an
carry in coal, an build fairies" Here a loud
ringing was heard at the door, and the keeper
Of an rsylum rushed in and secured the lnra-
tic, )-[New York Sun.
Soms northern people imagine that the
southern African is as full of personal pride as
one of Fennlmore Coopel's ~Inuians. Uncle
Nose. of Austin, is not one of thaskiud 'I'se
gwinter quit. l has t, look up auodder place"
he said to his emuloyer, John 1ugle, a wealthy
merchant. whats the matter with you,
Uncle Mose?" "De bizness manager, Mr.
White, has not kicked NE ia the las two
mumfs. Not once has he lifted his foot ag'in
me-" . | ordered him not to kick you again.
| don't allow anything of that kind in this es.
Establishment. | intend that nobody shall hurt
your feelings, Uncle Nose" 'Ef 1 don't get
no kicks Use gwinter quit" Are you cray?
Do you want to be kicked and cuffed abou.?"
Eyes, sah, l does Ehery time, de b zness
manager kicked or cuff, d my ears when he
was mad. he got ashamed of hisseif afterward,
an CUB me o quarter Use dona lost enough
money already, wild dis heah foolishness about
hurtin' my feelings "-[Texas S%iftings.