davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
FOR THE LADIES.

= Miss Clara Barton, President Of the Red Cross
is at New Orleans.
- Mrs. Gladstone, wife of the Premier is great
worker among the East London poor
-"Aint you almost boed?" inquired little
girl of gentleman visiting her father and mothens
" No. little one, can't say that am. Why doy you
ask, Daisy" Oh, because heard mamma say
that your wife always kept you in hot water"
"A chorus girl, says the Chicago Rambler was
summariiy discharged from n local opera company
this week. 1t was discovered that she could sing.
Sixteen lovely harem ladies belonging to the
Sultan have, by his permission sent their photo
graphs as a contribution to the beauty exhibition
of Paris.
Good morning, Mr. Dodd I've little bill
against you" What for, Sir?" One pair of
gents slippers" {" never bought any slippers "
" know. but this is pair Mrs. Dodd bought for
your Christmas present"
Young lady (in the drawing room): "Just lis
ten! | can hear the gentlemen laughing. / be-
leve they tell all their good stories directly we're
out of the dining room" Experienced and rather
severe matron: " Good stories dear! No; good
is not the word
=" Yes, Judge" sobbed the breach Of promise
plaintiff the ingralitude of that man is something
frightful. why, treated him just-iust liSe-a
-" Like one of the famiy?" suggested the
court. Oh! lots better than that. your honor. L
couldn't have treated him better if he'd been "a
coachmanl" Verdict for the plaintiff.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
PERSONS AND THINGS.

- Had the dynamiters succeeded In blowing up
London Bridge, the other day, 1t would have
seriously inconvenience anumber of people. One
hundred thousand persons cross it every day. The
lamp-posts were made from cannon captured in the
Peninsuar 1t was built in 1924, and cost over
IS, 900 900.
= The Delmonicos do not allow their walters to
wear mustaches. This distinctive feature was or
dered by them because guests were continually
partially remedied the difficulty, but smooth-shaved
diners still in some danger of getting mistaken
for waters.
= The year closing has been of great pros
pcrity for the Young Mems Christian Associations.
Eighty societies buildings worth 5000 600.
Eight hundred and thirty associations IN active
existence, with membership OF nearly 10000.
- The pill pool, known in the patent medicine
world as the - Campion pool of proprietary reme-
dies" shows signs of going to pieces This pool
was organized by about 80 of the leading patent
remedy venders, and by its operation many of them
grown selfish aud now the corner in pills has q
disposition to extend all over the room that is to
say, it looks as though outside people would be
able in q short time to buy the stuff at somewhere
its true value. Heretofore if any dealer sold one
kind under the prescribed rate his supply of all
off and he thus deprived of his large profits
by commissions. The wholesalers are causing the
trouble.
- The Bishop of Melbourne, Australia, entertains
some practical ideas about prayer. A number of
people in his diocese recently asked him to in
corporate In the church service petition that rab
bits should be smitten with steriity; to which he
replied that such petition would he an insult to
God. And he added that if the rabbits have become
pest il is because the people have been too lazy TO
exterminate them, and he therefore advises his
Some good churchmen fear the Bishop is not sound
In his faith.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
Rum Didn't Do 1t.
DV Nv
TBUfdfO Ersress

My dear sir" said venerable old gentle
man TO a convict in the Penitentiary, 1T
grieves me to see you here" 1t grieves me
to be here" responded the convict with feel
ing.
The world is full of opportunities for intel
Egent young men like you if you would but
avail yourself of them. If you had let rum
alone and applied yourself to business, you
wouldn't be here now." az never drank a
drop of liquor in my life. In fact it was too
close application to business that brought me
here"
All, no." said the old man, sadly; that is
hardly possible. What was the nature of your
business? ?" 81 was burglar sir"
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
JANUARY JOKES.
A NEW WINTER POEM.
Boy, mates, joy, skates.
Ice, thin, thrice, in.
y - Pail oil

+. S.-Pall, all. Boston Posi-.
A Joke about joke: THAT Joke sir, lived
before the flood" " How did it get here them
smarty?" "Oh, 1t owned a rail- Louisville
Conrier-,Jo,rndt.
- Something seasonable: An old pun states that
Eve was created for Adams Express Company. but
inspection of the business done at the express
offices this week will warrant the opinion that the
Eve referred to is Christmas Eve.-PittSblrg Dis
patch.
A note of travel in Mississippi: The towns are
small and look down in their luck. with a few
bright exceptions. Farm work is done entirely by
oxen. "Haow dye like the look o. them catte?"
says the gentleman from Arkansas to the gentle
men in general. 1T 'ud take two yoke o. them to
pull your hat off! !''-Letter in the Buffalo Courier.
The heather rageth: One of the Japanese stu
sophomore with the inquiry, " What your name?'
The gentleman from Japan answered politely, Civ
ing his surname. "Oh," rejoined the questioner
You heathens don't have but one name 1 see''
" What the first name of Moses niwas the
repiy.-HarUard Lampoon.
-" How much do / owe you now ?" asked the
customer of the milkman, as he emptied the lacteal
fluid into the mans pail. :" For IL quarts" an
swered the pump-handle agitator with emotion.
" Twelve quarts, eh. Well, just chalk this one,
too" Oh, no." replied the man of measures, for
getting himself; I" it won't stand chalking any
more."-Yonkers Statesman.
TO speak the words her tongue did falter,
But all her tears and prayers were idlo
Her father forced her to the halter,
For he determined on the bride.
She did not wish to stirrup strife,
And so her feelings she did smother;
But saddle be her married life
She welded one but loved another.
Boston Courier.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
A Fairy Tale Told in the Wicked West,
kansas Tee.otaler1

A farmer in the eastern part of the State
missed a couple of his cows some time ago and
a diligent search and notices in the County
papers failed to bring them to light. Yesterday,
however, while in the field, he noticed a hole
in one side of the pumpkin, and on getting a
lantern and going in he found the lost cows
quietly eating pumpkin seeds and getting
fat. The hole in the fruit was caused by the
rapid growth of the vines, which had dragged
it along over the ground for half mile.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
Great Sufferer from Debility, Nervousness, Loss
OF Sleep and Appetite, Restored to Health by
Command Oxygen.


The following, written for publication by w.
G. p. Brinckloe, of Hulmeville, Pa, editor
and publisher of the Odd FeIlOacs' Journal, gives
that gentleman's happy experience with Com
pound Oxygen:
sin the Spring Of 1881 my health began to
fail, SO that became great sufferer from debility
nervousness, and loss Of sleep and appetite After
trying several remedies and continuing to grow
weaker, almost in dispair gave up the hope
of living. To add to my suiferings, in October
of the same year | was afflicted with severe
cold which seemed TO induce congestion of the
liver and kidneys, threatened paralysis of the
right side. The prescribed remedies aggravat'
ed, rather than allayed, the suffering
'About the first of November / heard of
Compound Oxygen and was induced to try it.
At this time aoas losing about half gill of blood
day. could net sleep soandly, rery little appe-
tite, and a pery Jfss.tg memory.
I'm less than tpo Dseks after taking the Cont
pound Oxygen acas ike d neg person The bleed
ing had stopped entirely myappetite became healthy
my sleep impf0ued, aud my memory became good
and steady. have continued its use until the
present time, September LIST, 1853, enjoying
good health, excellent spirits, and improved
ically.
There have also been number of wonder
full results that have come within my observa-
tion from the use of Compound Oxygen"
A "Ireatse on Compound Orygen," containing
history of the discovery and mode of action
of this remarkable curative agent. and large
record of surprising cures in Consumption,
Catarrh, Neuralgia, Bronchitis Asthma, ETC.,
and q wide range of chronic diseases, sent free.
Address DIS. STARsKY & PALEN, Il0o and
ILL Girard ST., Philadelphia
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
His Method Of Dining.
lFLieQende BLatier.

Poor tutor: "Know you what do when I
hunger have? Then draw 1 at home on my
slate with chalk white sausage. when I
right severe hunger have, draw | twA Then
drink | once from my mug of beer, eat J piece
o: bread and rub from the sausage on the slate
piece away. Then drink / again, eat again
piece bread and rub again from the slate a
piece sausageaway, till the last morsel away is
So picture / myself in 1 have the sausage really
eaten. Behold you, it is all only imagination
in the world"
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
Gen. Slocum for Secretary of War.
TUasbington Critic

It is virtually an assured fact that either
Gen. Slocum, Mr.. Whitney or Gen. Franklin
will be appointed Secretary of War by the in
coming President. Mr.. Whitney may be the
man of his choice Gen. Franklin would make
most excellent Secretary, but if Mr. Cleve-
land would poll the soldier vote he would find
it almost unanimous for Gen. Socum, of whom
the soldiers have talked and expressed their
desire for that office in every State in the
Union. The soldier element expects to find a
better friend in Mr.. Cleveland than they have
had in the three last Republican Presidents.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01

nEDIoJAiho And New Year Cards fEs art, imported
CflniO i.iHO embossed set Of large cards 10 csz
II SETS 75c Heavy silk fringe for &c e for 50c.
c. C. DEPUY, Syracuse, N z.
Mention The National Tribune.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01
Social Agonies.

Young Husband: eyes, aunty, I fatter my.
self the room looks pretty well; but my dear
Ellen, where, in the name of fortune, did you
get those atrocious vases? They're a perfect
eyesorel" Young wife: "My dear Fred
What are you saying? Why, dear aunty gave
them to us! They're perfectly lovely!'
[Dear Ellen has just exhumed them from cup.
board, where they are always kept when dear
aunty is not expected.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01

Any lady who desires further infor-
nation than can be given in the limited public
space OF newspaper columns can obtain Mrs.
Lydia E. Pinkham's pamphlet "Guids to
Health " by sending stamp to Lynn, Mass.
The National tribune., 1885-01-01

Posts ordering Col. r. F. Hills Memorial,
Record Book are well pleased with it. Address
kalamazoo, Mich.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
MORALITY DEMONSTRATION.
Hyde Park is Crowded by an Enormous
Attendance.

by telegraph.l
LONDON, August 22d. = The morality
demonstration at Hyde Park this afternoon
was attended by an enormous crowd. Con-
tingents for the parade were all day con-
verging at various points with banners,
bands and numberless wagons loaded with
women, all displaying the greatest enthU.sf-
asm. The weather was fine, and thousands
OF people were assembled at the park to
await the commencement of the demon
stration. At 4:20 o'clock the meeting had
equaled in numbers the great asSemblage
which gathered at the same place some
months ago to make a demonstration in
favor of the enlarged bill. Thou.
sands of women were in the crowd. and
ten times as many were on the way in pro-
cesslon to the park. One of the wagons in
the procession carried twenty-four little
girls dressed in white. The girls held aloft
banner bearing the inscription, Shall
the Innocents be Slain ?' Another cart
carried a large fac smile of the Queens
letter to Mrs. General Booth, approving the
Salvation Army's work in rescuing young
girls from vice. The East End contingent
OF the procession started toward Hyde Park
promptly at o'clock. This body had three
bands and carried sixty banners, all having
inscribed on them such notices as "Save
Our Daughters" etc. The cart which
carried the enlarged copy of the
Queens letter was given the middle
place in the line of the East End con-
ungent. This body had in line no less
than twenty four-horse wagons, and with
the exception of the one bearing the
twenty-four girls under IL years of age
and dressed in white, the wagons were
laden with women dressed in the deepest
mourning, the vehicles themselves all be-
ing heavily draped with black. Following
these wagons were about 1000 men on foot.
All traffic had to be suspended during the
progress OF the procession along its entire
route. The demonstration included tenn
perance societies, Good Templars, Bands of
Hope, Salvation Armies and various trade
and labor societies, ladies of national socie-
ties in wagons, and Young Mems Christian
Associations from nine sections of the
metropolis, besides excursion parties from
the provinces numbering many thousands.
Bands headed each contingent and num-
berless banners were carried. Ten plat
forms We're improvised around the Reform
ers' tree in Hyde Park. Resolutions were
passed simultaneously at all the platforms
piedging the meeting TO assist in enforcing
the provisions of the Criminal Amendment
Act The weather was fine. The affair
was decided success. A huge crowd was
present, but the entire proceedings were
orderly.
One hundred and fifty thousand persons
attended the morality demonstration in
Hyde Park this afternoon. The greatest
enthusiasm prevailed in the vast assem-
blape
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24

alton of his adversary and imposed upon
him an unconditional surrender If an
American school-boy had made such an
eggregious blunder as that in estimating
historical event and character, he would
be deemed lacking sufficient intelligence
to come in when it rains. The New York
Times well concludes that public shame
would attach to the undergraduate in this
country who would SO meanly misrepresen
Theirs or Gambetta. 1t is wholly unac
countable how the journals of the old wori'
can be guilty of such mistakes Of fact an,
Judgment as the instances we have cite
| establish.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
THE LATE ENCAMPMENT.

Practically the first general encampzent
of the National Guard Of California closed
yesterday. 1t opened with some friction,
and there was, at one time, an III spirit
pervptling the camp. But whea this is
said, 1t remains to be recorded that it was
a successful efiort-especially fer first
to improve the organized militia system of
the State Such friction as there was, was
perhaps best for the system, since errors
discovered are errors not likely to be re-
peated. The National Guard system de
ponds upon principle that the nations
defense resides in its citizen soldiery, and
uporltke maintenance in the time of peace
of the martial spirit among the people.
| FroIa such a large area of territory to
gather so many companies of militia and
subject them for week to a very consider
able degree of military discipline, submis-
sion to which is wholly voluntary, and
largely at thesacrifice of business interests,
speass well for the National Guard, and
the people from which it is drawn. 1t is
the Judgment of regular army officers de-
putei by the Federal Government to
report upon the encampment that in
military sense strictly it was a decided sue
cess. 1t is a gratifying reflection that
eompetent authority thus warmly approves
that which the relation between regulars
| and voluntaar ,,o;I;+;o,,a,, co,-o no roo
son to expect would be considered very
favorably by the men whose training had
been had at West Point The companies
of the National Guard must return from
the eneampment more deeply impressed
than ever before with the Importance
and sacredness of the trust reposed in
! them, and of the value of even few days
experimental service in camp The bene-
fit to the State, there is every reason to
believe, more than outweighs the cost to
the State, which has not been large. 1t
would be well if these encampments could
be held annually; they can, if conducted
by wise military councils, be productive of
only good to the organized militia, and of
practical benefits to the State, in keeping
in preparation and fair training an arm of
the Government upon which, as a last
resort, the enforcement of the laws, and
the preservation of order depends. But
! If we are to have annual encampments,
there should be permanent camp-ground
owned by the State.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24


THE st. Louis Globe Democrat declares
that he who gives quickly gives twice is
an old classical motto particularly applica-
bic at this time to entC cjes to raise
funds for monuments to General Grants
memory. The application may well be
made In this State. There are two schemes
before the people, and both should, and we
believe will, prove successful. The first in
the field, the broadest and addressed to the
people as whole, is the appeal of the
State Association, with the Chief Magis-
trate of the State at its head It's appeal
is for mite contributions from all the peo-
ple-men, women and children-for peo-
pies monument upon the peoples ground
and beneath the shadow of the peoples
Capitol. In return this Association is to
issue TO every person becoming member
by the payment of 81 a souvenir of the
event that viii be of high art value That
the people will fulfill the expectations of
this State Association there can be no sort
of doubt. The second scheme is being
prosecuted in San Francisco, and is for the
erection of a Grant monument in Golden
Gate Park in that city San Francisco is
equal to the task. Her wealth and patriot
ism will not fail the call, and while they
viii DO their fall duty in the matter of the
local monument, it is inconceivable that
the citizens of the metropolis will decline
TO put in their mite for the State monu-
nent Both schemes are feasible; there is
no antagonism between them, and both
Should receive hearty, and above all, i'm
mediate support.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
PACIFIC COAST ITEMS.

A mica mine has been discovered about
ninety miles from Virginia City, Nevada.
Reports from the mountains in Sonoma
and Mendocino indicate growing scarcity
of feed. Stock is suffering and many sheep
are dying.
Heavy fires have been destroying much
timber and wood near the headwaters of
the Hinckley and Aptos creeks during the
past week.
A standing reward of $3.50 is offered for
the detection of any one caught stealing
stock from any member of the San Benito
Live Stock Association.
Oliver Witham, aged Is, living near
Philomath, Benton county, Or, was last
Wednesday thrown from a horse in his
fathers pasture and killed.
A watermelon weighing 17S pounds, and
measuring 8 feet inches in length, is on
exhibition in Los Angeles. 1t will be pre-
served in alcohol and sent TO Boston.
Grape-growers near st. Helena and
Calistoga have been warned through
anonymous letters to discharge their Chi
nese labor and employ only white people.
A workman on a ranch near Deeth,
New, was stricken with blindness while
resting under a shade tree, and remained
several days without food before discov-
cred.
The United States Land Office at Boise
City few days ago received letter from a
wealthy Englishman of London, who
wanted to rent 100000 acres of land in
Idaho.
The MERGED Star says thus Miller &
Lux intend surveying and subdividing
some of their land in the vicinity of
MADEIRA and selling the same to actual
settlers.
The Flag says that on Wednesday de-
structiye fire was raging in the mountains
west and northwest of Skaggs' Springs.
Lamance's ranch was swept clean, together
with the residence.
The shipments of fruit from San Lorenzo
Station, Alameda county from July 1st to
3lst, inclusive, was 1,199, 100 pounds The
principal points shipped to were San Fran
cisco, Oakland, Chicago, and many smaller
shipments by express to Denver and Lead
vile, Col, Salt Lake, Ogden, Utah, etc, to
say nothing of the amount that went by
steamer.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
CONTEMPORARY EXPRESSION

LET US have law authorizing the killing o
lsdsans under any circumstances if that is
good thing, but in the meantime let us hang
he cowboys who take this way of constituting
tlemselFes public beaefactoTe I'll hiladei.
pllia Press.
Nh. HENDRICKS is for ciyilservice reform and
against eiv;Lservice reform q so called So is
Pr #ident Cleveland. So is the Democratic
pasy When everybody understands every.
boE, everything Is harnonious-lst. Louis Re-
publican.
hHNr. Cleveland is to be elected President
aga p in 1855 (qu0d di aretGDt 2 he will lave to
be elected by some party not yet in existence
Miln eapolis Tribune.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
How To SHORTEN LIFE.

The receipt is simple You have only 10 take
violent cold. and neglect it. Abernethy the
great English surgeon, asked a lady who told
him she only had cough: what would ypu
have? The plague" Beware of only coughs y
The worst cases can, however, be cured by DR.
VIM. HALLS BALSAM FOR THE LUNGS. In
whooping Cough and Group, it Immediately
allays irritation, and is sure to prevent 8 fatal
termination of the disease. Sold by druggists.
fe24-isiy&wiy
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24

A REVEREND JoKE.-A New York pas
tor, who enlivens his talks with anecdotes
is so fond of jokes that he would rather tell
one at his own expense than not tell one at
all. This is his latest: Il was writing by
my study window, and little Irish child
was busying himself by throwing beans at
the window Losing all patience, ] rushed
out of the house determined to frighten the
boy. 1t happened that his mother was
coming after him at the same moment and
we met by his side. l stormed at the child.
and then, as. the mother seemed excessively
stupid, gave her a piece of my mind.
Finally, as grand and overwhelming con
elusion to my scolding, l said: A little
discipline now with your children will
save you much pain, if not disgrace, in the
future. Think of that Think, is it?'
she replied; l think if you'd go back to
your bedroom and wipe the ink off av
your nose you'd be prettier, even if YOU
didn't make so much av of sensation.S 1t
was not soft answer, but it had the effect
of turning away wrath
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24

The RECORD UNION is the only pdser on
The coast, outside of San Francisco, that re-
ceirss the full Associated Press dispatches
from all parts Of the ,rorld. Outside Of San
Fnoacisco It Ios no competitor, in point q
sxus5ers, in It's honss and general circulation
throughout The coast.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24
SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY.

L. P. FISHER is Sole Agent for this paper in
ran Francisco end vicinity. he is authorized
20 receive advertisements and subscriptions, and
collect for the same. Rooms q and p, Net
chants Exchange.
Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-08-24

Soorr's Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver Oil
with Hypophosphites for pulmonary trou-
bles. J. 7. McFall, NJ D., Anderson, s. c.,
Says II consider SCOTS Emulsion one
of the best preparations in The market for
pulmonary troubles. .