Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1885-10-22
WIT AND HUN0R.


That hath broken up his rest.
And the gas he quickly lighteth,
And his pillow seizeth he,
With full determination
His disturber killed shall be-
And that pillow wild he slingeth,
With an arm both firm and strong,
But his foe its doom eludeth.
And continueth its song.
And TO him that one mosquito
Which upon him fain would feast
So ubiquitous appeareth
That il seemcth ten az least
From the combat he retireth
All his strength and patience past;
And that stOical mosquito
Feasteth on his blood at last.
1t is the woman unhappily married who
would recall her Miss spent life.
The baby can't walk much himself, but
he likes to see other people walk.
4 sociable man is one who when he has
ten minutes to spare, goes and bothers some
body who hasn't.
A diamond merchant may speak of his
goods being of the purest water, but the
milk-man may not
Pa, why does a man break promise so
readily" Because, my son, it is 50 easy
to make another one"
The young man who desires to get up
with the sun should not stag up too late
with the daughter. Philadelphia Times.
+ At the mouth of a Cornish mine there is
this advice: "Do not fall down this shaft
as there are men at work at the bottom Of
{ it,"
4 fashion item announces that undressed
kids are now de rigeur at the opera" We
had an idea that kids were not alone in this
respect.
He found it in the hash and politely
handed it over to the waiter girl. And now
the boarding house wags call hlm the hair
restOrer.
A man might even 20 fishing on Sunday
and still be Christian Yes, he might;
but it is seldom the fish bite we'll enough
for that
An anxious enquirer wants to know If sG
a week is enough to get married on. II is
if she is princess and they intend to live
with the old lady.
A literary man who was asked TO furnish
Shakesperean motto to be framed and
hung up over the bar of a saloon, suggested
the words" As you like it,
docs your family play ball?" was ask
ed of little shaver.
" Ne and mother does" he replied. IL
bawl, and she makes the base hits"
Teacher TO class in moral ethics what
has mother in view when she spanks her
disobedent child" Young high school lady
--Blushes and answers not a word.
A manufacturer of glass eyes says that
his products are now so skillfully made as
to defy detection. Even the wearers of the
glass eyes can't see through the deception.
When woman is giving her husband
bit of her mind, he should Try and imagine
what it would be like if he was Mormon
and was having seventeen such bits served
up TO him.
A sleeping car porter is reported to have
shot man on Western railway train.
There is nothing extraordinary about this.
Some men have TO be killed before they will
submit to be robbed.
You nigh: a. well undertake TO yarnish
a rainbow or try 10 stampede hunger with
dime with hole in it, as expect to prevail
on a man 10 own up to his wife that be has
been in the wrong.
81 declare, Mr.. Blank" said guest to
the landlord Of Bar Harbor hotel, "your
table is even worse than it was last year"
And the indignant Boniface answered with
out reflection: That is impossible, SIR"
said Bobby to the minister at dinner
Can a church whistle, Mr.. Longprayer?
why do you ask?"
"Cos pa owes Sl2 back pew rent, and he
says he's going to let the church whistle for
it,
Young Housekeeper looking over the
market reports Bridget, shall want you to
60 to market this morning Bridget-Yis,
mum. Wotll / get mum? Young House
keeper see that beef is much cheaper on
the hoof, and presume it's just as good
Get nice roast off the hoof
Verasopht-You are looking charming
tonight, E.teIle. Estelle--Charming is too
cold A word Verasopht--Then I'll call
YOU lemons Estelle-Lemons, sir. Do
yoa mean to insult me- verasopht-My
darling, you do not read the papers or YOU
would know that lemons are very, very dear.
An Austin lady sent her servant over to
the house Of a sick neighbor. "AIrs. Smith
saunt me ober to ask you how your husband
am comm on dis mawnin'" Very bad.
indeed, was the reply. "The doctor says
he NAV die any minute" " Den / reckon /
had better wait a little while. as hasn't
got muffin else 10 do jess now"
Rev. Mr. Dragley who had stranger to
occupy his pulpit the day bcfore)-Well,
Mrs Dobbins, how did you like the sermon
Yesterday? Mr.. Dwell, sir, TO tell the
truth, it was too plain aud simple To suit
me. ike best them sermons As jumbles