Connecticut western news., 1885-06-03

From the DtLIOlb CIe6 IISSS.l
 "I should like to spoke a few remarks to Brudder Side Bar Skinner" observed the President, as tlIe dust began to settle in Paradise Haul.
 Brother Skinner, vi 10 is a young rnan of 23, with mild eye and lilac nec ec,ktie, advanced to the front and the President continued:
 Brudder Skinner, de news has reached my ears that you am about to be mar'd. I trus' dat de report am true, bekase I believe it am the dooty of ebery young man who kin support a wife to take one"
 "It am true, sah.
 "Den let me complim ent you wid one hand an spoke few remarks to you wid de odder. Gettin' mar'd has it's werry seri- ous side. For instance, am de gal gwine to mary you bekase she loves you, or to.spite her folkes bek ase dey kept her away from de skatin' rink? Am you gwine to mary de gal for love, or bekase her father has some wealth which you hope he'll shell out for your benefit?
 Glove am a powerful emoshun, Brud- der Skinner, but love widout pork and 'taters to keep it goin' am like de froth on top of soda-water.
 "Don't mistake your sentiments. If you am sartin dat you love, go ahead. If it am only lollypop, hire out as 8 deck hand on a steamboat for a week an it will all go away. I hev knowl couples ez seemed to be dyin' of love. Deir silly ackshuns made 'em de laffin'- stock of a hull nayburhood. Dey seemed to dote and dote, but it didn't last. Arter couple of y'ars de husband war home grum bier an tyrant, an de wife a gadabout an a scold. What dey s'posed was love war only lollypop.
 "Doan' marry gal hopin' dat her father will set you up in de barber biz ness. Most fadder-in-laws not only want all dey hez got, but Im willin' to struggle fur another $20, 1000.
 "Doan' 'sot down an figger dat fo' taters, a loaf of bread, half a pound of meat an quart of applesass am goin' to run you fur week. You will want all de salary you kin ai'rn, an you had better look aroun' an find sombody who will lend you dollar now an then.
 "Doan' fatter yerselves dat all you hev got to do am to hug in de house an kiss ober de gate. You'll be hungry ful con beef and baked beans; your cloze will war out; your flour an butter will waste away, an bill fur two months rent will send chill up yer back. De man or woman who specks that mar C life am green an shady lane, lined wid orange blossoms on one side an ter dollar bills on de odder, am gwine tc wake up some day an find de rats leavin de place in disgust.
 "Think of desc things, Brudder Skin. ner. You kin git wife in about five minutes. but it takes five y'ars to gil shet of some of lem. Expeck about one days sunshine fur a week oi cloudy weather. Reckon on house rent comin' due de fust ob eberJ month, an de grocer an butcher keepin an eye out fur you each Saturday night It will amaze you how de woodpile de cedes an how de- four gifts outen dt bar'l so soon. Doan' walk into matri mony like 8 lobster into a box, bu fgger on whether de bait am wuth dt risks. If you conclude to mary yor kin depend on dis club attendin' de ob sequies, bringin' along bounteous sup ply of ham sandwiches. If you decide not to, it am probable dat you will soor be promoted to some position of trus an responsibility.