The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-01-03
Posting a New Girl.

urban village. Having opened the
house the next thing on the programme
was to secure a servant. So the horse
was hitched and Mrs. Hem drove to
the nearest intelligence Office and en-
gagged a woman, who said she would
be at the house ready for action on the
morrow.
But when the morrow arrived. and
the sun streamed through the oriels of
the HEM mansion. and lighted up the
flowers on the carpet till they actually
seemed to enjoy it, and the birds twit-
tered in the porch vines that were rus
thing in the morning breeze-at this 10
cund time the Henns concluded with
the great philosopher that the promise
of the professional servant is as brittle
as pie-crust.
In other words, the servant was not
on hand ready for action, as she said
she would be. So Mrs. Hem ordered,
White Surrey to be village-carted. And
when Mrs. Hem had been gone about
five minutes to 'blow up" the intelli-.
gence Office the door rang. There.
was no one in the house at the time but
Mr.. Hem, and he opened the front
door to woman of perhaps forty-tive.
''Is Mrs. Hem IMP" inquired the
woman.
"No," said Mr.. Hem. care you the
servant we engaged?"
"Yes."
"Didn't you meet her in the cart
down the roadp'
NO. replied the woman; 81 came
across the lots"
She followed Mr.. Hem into the study;
and helped herself to the easy-chair I'M
a free and easy manner that satisfied
the proprietor of the house that all the
stories he had heard about the indie
| pendence of servants were in no way
exaggerated. As she sat there making
her self as comfortable as possible, Mr..
HEM thought he would give her some
advice and instructions. He said:
''You of course are familiar with the
figure of the cat in strange garnet.
You know the cat is restless and uneasy.
1t is the same with men and women.
Until they become used to a place and
its peculiarities they seldom reach
what may term their maximum state
of happiness. Therefore shall try to
familiarize you with this place by tel
| ling you of some of its peculiarities.
II would like.tp touch on the subject
of kerosene. The girl before last
frowned upon all adverse criticism on
kerosene as kinder. l will simply
say that one rosy morning she went in
TO the kitchen full of song and happi-
ness, and attempted to ignite the
wood and paper that she had first satu-
rated with kerosene. One week from
that day we had chimney set in the
hole she left as she went through the
roof. That was the last time she was
seen around here. / never heard where
she came down."
81 never use kerosene in the fire, !"
said the girl.
THAT'S right, replied Mr.. HEM; sit
Is only for our common safety that
speak, and not that / am mean with
my kerosene. Use as much of it as you
like for polishing up the brass, and al
leviating the pain of any bumps or
bruises you may acquire in the per-
Torrance of your professional duties.
If your hair falls out use all the kero-
sene you like"
She said she would, but that she
would not think Of using it in the stove.
Then Mr.. Hem said:
"You must be very careful, when
playing on the piano, not to get hurt.
One of the legs of the chair is only
glued on, and it might throw you. Be-
sides, you must play on the lower oc-
taves, as several of the keys in the up
| per ones are broken"
She promised to be careful.
sNever take the tennis-racket out Of
the library to lift cabbage out of the
hot water with"
"No, sir. ;"
| "Never use my best razor-the one
with the pearl handle-to open oysters
with"
mo, SIR"
"When yon want to 60 to matinee
borrow my wife's green bonnet She
would have that bonnet in spite of me
last Easter, and hate the sight of it.
Somehow or other it won't wear out. /
have allowed the dog to curl up and
sleep in it during my wife's absence.
have on other occasions left it out
in the hennery for the hens to use
as q nest. had brood of ducks
Matched out in it last May, but the
bonnet wasn't hurt at all. Then in
| August, while my wife was in the
mountains, / nailed the hat on the end
of pole and used it for net when
went grabbing. But nothing would
mar its architecture at all. Will you
borrow that hat on any sunny Sat.
when you want to go to the mat. ~
II will, SIR" replied the servant
''How many days do you want q
| week?'
| "Two, SIR"
"You may have them; you may have
them!' And he felt happy that she
didn't ask for three. Then he said:
,"When any of the wash-tubs are toe
heavy for you, call on me for help.
And on h-day we will do all the
cooking ourselves; and I'll chop the
wood for you and lug up the coal, and
my wife's crimping-irons are at your
service. Is that satisfactory"
| Yes"