News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-12-17
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
a LITTLE HUMOROUS READING FOR
THE LEISURE HOURS.
Tho Colorado Idea-A Japanese Custom
He Had Heard Ii BeiOre-A simple
MethOd-A Revi led Edition, ETC., Etc.

matchless pumpkin pie. So to that
peaceful coop he slyly bent his way, and
seized with iron grip his hapless prey.
No more that gobbler spreads the fan
like tail, but all his mates discordantly
bewail the act of lothian, who, at one
fell swoop, removed the pride of that
once happy henhouse coop. Boston Bud
get.
THE NUMBER.
An ancient maiden lady from the in
terror, who was visiting city friend,
went out for walk, and when she came
back she exclaimed:
81 came near losing my way, because
so many stores had the same number on
theml"
"Oh, you must be mistaken" said her
hostess.
"No, I never make mistakes about
numbers. tell you L saw at least a
dozen houses marked No. 80 Beer street, !"
"Beer street2 Why, there is no such
street."
"Womanp' exclaimed the spinster,
tartly. 81 tell you saw it painted on
the windows plainly, xxx Beer" and
I'd like to know if that isn't No. 80 on
that street Pittsburg Chronicle.
THE COLORADO IDEA.
There are lots of stories told of queer
witnesses and how they take the oath.
The other day bright young boy ap-
pesred upon a Denver witness stand,
and one of the lawyers thought him
rather young to understand the nature
of an oath. So he began to question
him. Said he:
"Do you understand the nature of an
oath7"
The boy replied that he did.
''Do you know what will be the con-
sequences if, after taking the oath, you
tell liel"
eyes, SIR"
"What will happen if you tell lie
after taking the oath?"
''I'll have to pay the costs, Isuppose, "
said the boy.-Den0er Irtjune.
REVISED VERSION.
Perhaps the revision of the Bible was
unnecessary after all. The historian is
impelled to this reflection by sage re-
mark which was uttered in his hearing
in a street car the other day. On the
opposite side of the car were tw
: .
| Said one
''Did you know Sarah had another lot
of money left her by her Cousins willie
s'Law mep' said the other; ''th
Bible never s.as said shl trqsr n, thinf 3Pe. thai
Boston Record.
THEY SANG IT ONCE MORE.
That was sensible clergyman in
Chester county, last Sunday, who was
disturbed by the noise made by male
members of the congregation putting on
their oVercoats while the Doxology was
being sung, and said:
"Now that you have your overcoats
on we will sing the Doxology over
again"
1t was a courteous and moderate re-
buke of practice that is too often
thoughtlessly indulged in, but is never
theless the height of rudeness. .-PhiIa.
Times
ASKING AFTER OLD FRIENDS.
Smith--Robinson is in town from
Chicago. He was asking about you
this morning.
Brown-Robinson-what Robinson?
Smith-Why, you remember Tom
Robinson, who went West ten years
ago ana nauC fortune.
Brown-Oh, yes, certainly, remem-
ber Tom we'll; fine fellow he was, too.
So he was asking about me. What did
Tom say?
Smith-He inquired if you drank as
hard as ever.
NEW DELlCACY.
1--WE are goin' to have pie for dinner,'
said Bobby to the minister
'Tndeedm laughed the dominic,
amused at the little boys artlessness;
land what kind of pie, Bobbyp
'It's a new kind. Ma was talkin'
this morning about pa bringin' you to
dinner so often, and pa said he didn't
care what she thought, and ma said
she'd make him eat humble pie before
the day was over, AMI s'pose we're goin'
to have it for dinner"
A CURIOUS CUSTOM.
st is curious custom the Japanese
have, my dear" remarked a husband,
''of taking their shoes off when enter
ing the house"
The custom is curious" replied the
lady, I'm the fact that it is practiced at
all hours, instead of at night only" and
the husband said Eyes, 2" with rising
infection, which was about all that he
could say. N Y. San.
THE NEWSPAPER.
A Paris newsdealer is liable to a fine I
# he lends out q newspaper to any one |
tor reading purposes We are not ac-
luainted with the punishment inflicted .
Upon the man in Paris who takes paper
,ut of the post office until he is one year
n arrears, and then moves away without
paving his subscription, but he is prob
Lbly hanged in a few hours. .-NoyristoUn
Herald.
A SIMPLE METHOD.
Bank President-You say you are un-
Lble to make the books balance9
Cashier-Yes sir. There is short
Ige of twenty thousand dollars.
President-H'm,I | think it will be
veil to call in an expert accountant.
Cashier-That won't be necessary, sir.
70 strike a balance you have only to call
n my bondsmen. N. Y. Sun.
ENTERTAINING.
Little Jenny's big sister is entertain
ng Mr.. Skibbers and thinks she can get
long without Jenny's assistance, so she
ats the little one on the head and saws:
"Come, little pet, it is time your eyes
Tere closed in sleep"
"Guess not" says Jenny; "mother
Did me to keep my eyes open when you
nd Mr.. Skibbers were together"
HEARD IT BEFORE.
Deacon Bucrag had been invited to
ddress the Sunday school, and, as he
'as poor talker, plunged at once into
le story of Jonah and the whale.
"Now, dear children" he concluded,
is not that nice story2"
eyes, sir, :" replied one of the smallest
the dear children, 'it's nee story,
ut it's chestnut"
\ CONTINGENCY FUND.
Sick Man (malzing his wil) to Lawyer {
L have $40, 600 insurance on my life, a
ouse and lot, and 81, 900 in cash. The {
lsurance money and house and lot
ust go to my wife, but | hardly know 6