The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1885-05-28

Stolen kisses are good thing in the
abstract Te.ros Siftings
The funny paragrapher has no re-
spect for age. In fact, the older the Joke
the harder it is worked.
-Bulwer was right ; there's no such
word as fail. 1t is Modified into assign
ment.--N -Niddieto,cm Press.
=" A new pair of pandyloons," says
Carl Pretzel, may coulter de ecks of
fool, but when his mout vas go open, der
fool shumps out"
A young Hartwellite went out to
serenade his girl and sang meath her win
rose Her brute of a brother yelled from
lower window: Sis would rather you'd
kiss her under the nose. Hart,ceH SIN.
1t is said that mice are Just as much
afraid of women as women are afraid of
mice. But as their screaming apparatus is
not constructed on the same principle
they are restrained from communicating
the Intelligence to the people in the neigh
boring town.
"A description of newspaper estab-
lishment says: "The first thing that strikes
the visitor upon entering the editorial
rooms is the large crystal chandelier" Ii
the visitor is poet, and carries an code
to Spring." it is safe to wager that the
first thing that strikes him is not the crys-
tai chandelier. Not unless all the edi
| tors are absent.
Twenty years have not suffced to
destroy the explosive qualities of shells
which were used in the late war. Forest
fires have recently laid bare the old bat
tie fields Of the Wilderness, Virginia, and
many old shells have exploded.
An inventive genius is said to have
produced cushion, containing a spiral
spring, to be worn by skaters who have
the habit Of sitting down unexpectedly
Philadelphia man is reported to have
sat down so hard upon one of these ar
ticles that the rebound, which should
have simply brought him to an erect DO
sition, tumbled him violently over upon
his nose, whereupon he has commenced
suit against the inventor for SIC, 900.
Enthusiasm Is one of the most DOW
erful engines of success. When YOU do
thing, do it with will, do it with your
might, put your whole soul into it, stamp
it with your own personality. Be active.
be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful
and you will accomplish your object.
othlng great was ever achieved without
enthusiasm.
"A Chicago man got hold of the
wrong jug the other day and took a big
drink of mixture of kerosene oil and
murlatic acid. Then he accused the SER
want girl of stealing his whiskey and
pouring water in the jug to conceal the
theft.-&. Louis Whip.
=" Buckle my shoe, Egbert, dear"
said Chicago belle to her near-sighted
fiance.
Egbert bent down on his knees like a
true knight, but as he had lost his eve
glasses his vision was little uncertain.
g Is this your foot, darling?" he in
quired.
You bet - she said.
Aw, pardon me; II thought it was
the lounge"
Egbert is now disengaged.
-"Oh, Mr.. Smith," said a young lady
at church fair, Il want your help for a
moment"
Certainly" replied Mr.. Smith, " what
can do for you p
have just sold tidy for SIS tha,
cost ttteen cents, and | want you to tel
me what percentage that is"
" A transaction of that kind, my dear
Miss B." said Mr.. Smith, who is a law
yer, gets out of percentage and into lar
! ceny."-Drake's Magazine.
Life must be very pleasant on tn,
Congo. Instead of man having to rush
home at p. m, to give his wife fou1
hours time to prepare for the opera, ant
then wait another half hour on the from
steps until the 200 and odd forgotte,
7 things are found and arranged, the Con
8 60 husband strolls home few minute
a before the performance begins and simpl,
says; "Sarah, adjust your hairpin. ",
will 90 to the opera