The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-12-19
ALLEGED HTHOR,

ALLEGED HCHOR.
"DoNT you think Higbee's Quarrel
with his wife to-day was disgraceful? q"
'Oh, no, 1t was quite natural: it was
only the turn of the tied"
On the door-plate of St. Louis res
| ldence may be read: 'Mrs. Gibbs, Flo
cutionist, Poetess, Washer and
Ironer. The washer and ironer prob
ably support the elocutionist and
poetess.
Glow is this, doctor, you charge me
five francs visit ?' at is less than |
charge anybody else" 'That NAV be
so but then you forget that it was
who introduced the smallpox into
the Observation-Disclosures
Beige.
WIFE OF two years standing: Oh,
yes, I'm sure he's not so fond OF me as
at first. He's away so much, neglects
me dreadfully, and he's so cross when
he comes home. What shall | do?
WidOw-Feed the brute!-LOndOn
Punch.
A LITTLE girl attending church last
sunday with her mother was given the
change to put in the collection box
After it had been passed around, the
hit lie girl looked up and said; MA, |
paid for four. Was that right ?"-
Evansville argus
AN advertisement extOlling the viz
tues of new make of infants feeding
bottle, winds up as follows:-''When
the baby has done drinking it must
be unscrewed and laid in cool place,
say under tap" Poor baby l-La
Flandre.
De GUY-"Deares t Ameiia-" Anne
liza" Sir?" "What IL the matter ?"
You have your arm around my
waist" II am aware of it, my dear"
81 am surprised, and | ought to call
papa, | know. Now, sir, | will give
you just thirty minutes to remove
your arm"
FRENCH VIsTOR-:I call to see Mon
-ieur Rollard. Maid-"You can't see
him, sir; he's not up Yet" French
Nisitor-''Nat you tell? | com yester,
and you say can't see heem because he
not down; now you say can't see heem
because he not OOp. Ven will he be in
re middle, mademoiselle? | no COM
pr'end GRIP.
A VERY loquacious lady, calling one
day to consult her physician talked
on and on with such volubility that the
latter could not get in q word edge
ways. GrOwingimpatient he at length
told her to put out her tongue, which
she did. He then said: "Now please
keep it there until you have heard
what | have to say to you. "-Schwarz-
walder BOte.
A STRANGER is about to enter a sum-
mer garden in which concerts are held.
He goes to the pay office and inquiries:
What IS the price OF admission 2.
Cashier lat discretion) Whatever
you like to give" Stranger puts down
twenty cents. Cashier-"Beg your
pardon, sir, you seem to be a stranger.
Discretion commences at fifty cents
F7iegende Blatter.
Mrs. MCGoONIGAL Celtic washer
woman An sure it's the ChOinaise as
have entoirely demOralized me bust
ness. Great local statesman gather
ing points)-Bu5 the haythens do
foine wurruk, Mrs. McGOonigal. Mrs.
McG-Och, begorra It's foine wur-
ruk, is it? An don't you think that's
plinty enough to demoralize any
dacent Irish washerIady 1.-THE Judge.
AN artful, designing minister's wife
fractured a mum sociable the other
evening and added STAT. SO in fines to
the church treasury by casually re.
marking that she had seen a lovely
new bonnet up stairs in the dressing
room and asking whose it was. Every
lady in the room responded, ats
mine" And theft they all said other
things, so that their husbands had to
borrow car fare to get hOme.-SOmer-
vile Journal
''WHY, Arthur" said a South Side
girl to her lover last evening, while
narrating her trepidatiOn at a narrow
escape she had of driving through an
open bridge on the West Side, while
out riding with her cousin that after
noon: 81 was never so frightened In
my life; | actually turned as white as
your shirt 'front.'" then on closer in
spection, noticing that he wore a
brown flannel shirt, she added, cob,
very much whittier. Chicago Tele-
gram.
"WELL, OF all tOOllshness! ex-
claimed the high school girls mother,
looking up from the paper. "What is
it. mar" asked Mildred. "They are
going to wax CleCpatra's Needle"
Why, that's all right, ma" "Mil-
dred, you needn't try to tell your old
ma anything about needles. ] have
waxed thread lots of times, but | know
it's perfect foOlisNness to WAX needles.
They don't sew a bit better. PITTS
burg Chronicle.
John, father and mother are com
ing tomorrow to spend the week, and
do hope you will be nice while they
are here" Il am so sorry to say,
Maria, that I have an important en-
gagement which will keep me away all
rhe week" This is the first time you
have said anything about any engage
ment." II know it, but ! meant to
speak about it tonight" ooh, ! was
mistaken; it's next week their coming. .
Then I'll put off my engagement, as |
don't want to leave you alone. New
York Sun.