Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1885-05-02

tlful rocking chair at auction worth %,
and only paid 81 for it; so You see l
have 81 clear profit. Don't tell me after
this that women have no business
sense"
"Do you need the rocking chair p
asked Mr.. Peterby.
"No."
"Then what did you buy it fort"
ITO save mony, of course. How could
have saved that dollar if I hadn't
bought it, stupid?"
"Why is it that you students are not
allowed to enter any saloons in Austin p
asked stranger in Austin of student
of the University of Texas.
"The object of keeping us cut of the
saloons is to prevent us from finding out
how much the professors drink"
Mrs. McAllen, of Waco, has daughter
who is exceedingly impudent and annoy
ing gs, n -, w., ~.
the most persistent brat ever say. You
always want to have the last word" said
Mrs. McAlen, after taking great deal
of impudence.
81 always have the last word, do I?''
retorted the daughter, angrily. That's
not my fault. How can tell when you
are going to quit giving me back sass?
Jim Vandyke is a Galveston artist,
who is somewhat of dude in his dress.
A few days aga he received visit from
his tailor.
II had to take my first bill out in a
picture of my wife, and for my second
bill you painted me, but now for the
third bill must have actual cash.
"Can't you have little patience? re-
piled tho artist. after a while you
may have son for me to paint"
Gus De Smith is very fond of using
highfalutin words and expressions. For
instance he never uses the term Jew,
Hebrew, or Isralite, but calls that clasT of
citizens Semites. Yesterday morning
his employer said to him.
"Gus, when you 60 down to the Post
Office tell Nose Shaumburg to send me
up a bottle of whisky by his colored por-
ter"
"You refer to Nose Shaumburg, the
Semitic, do you not?"
His employer had never heard Jew
called Semitic before, so he Replied
eyes, just you tell Nose Shaumburg,
the Semitic, to send me bottle of
whiskey by his colored porter, the Ham
ite."
"Have you any excuse?" asked the
Judge OF man who had been summoned
on the jury.
eyes. sir, my wife is sick"
"Not legal excuse. We want q good
jury for this case of train robbing. Any
other excuse?"
Eyes, sir, have rheumatism"
"Not legal excuse"
81 used to live in Missouri"
"You did? Well, then get out of here.
We don't want you"
A pretty young mamma with q little
girl by her side nearly as pretty as her
SELF. was being entertained by q male
stranger, who had struck up an acquain-
lance through the usual and always con-
venient mediumship of the little girl.
The stranger did all the talking. He
was one of those men who think they
know everything. but only rarely get a
good chance to tell it. The lady answer
ed in monosyllaoles. The little girl lis
tened patiently and demurely for q
time, and then began to fidget around in
her seat. Finally, as the stranger stop.
ped for breath, she said:
Mamma, you've found one, amt
your"
"What, my dear?"
"Why, don't you remember what you
told papa when ne said you'd be lone
some on the cars? You said you'd find
some bore to talk you to Sleep"
Mamma looked out of the window and
the stranger suddenly thought he had
better 60 into tbs smoking car to find his
friend.
Hostetter McGinnis, of Austin, has no
regard for the feeling of his fellow man,
but Gilhooly got even with him. They
were talking about consumption.
81 used to be consumptive myself, but
was completely cured" said Hostetter
McGinnis.
"How did you manage it," asked Gil
hooly.
20, it's easy enough. For six months,
upon the recommendation of my doctor,
I slept in stable, where they keep
mules. Just think of being compelled to
sleep six months among the lower ami
mails"
Eyes, the quietness of the family life
and the association of friends and near
relatives, has beneficial influence on
some people-with men Of your tenn
permanent and raising, for instance" re-
piled Gilhooly.
"Tll have to get rid of Matilda" said
Mrs. Yerger to her husband. "During
the week she does not get through her
work uutil dark, but on Sunday, when
she wants to 60 out, she manages to get
through by two o'clock in the afternoon"
"Well, the way to get even with her is
to let her 60 out every day."
Babbett Irvine was recently examined
at Galveston, for license to practice
law.
I'm order to constitute last will what
is essential?" asked the lawyer who was
questioning the applicant.
"A corpse and some property, is all
that is necessary" was the reply.
An Austin Sunday School teacher ask
ed her class
"For what purpose did God give man
his different senses? Why are we given
eyes?" :.
"ro shut 'em up when we 90 to sleep"
said the dull boy at the foot of the class.