Daily Honolulu press., 1885-12-25
ALLEGED FUN.

The sewing machine is not what it
seems.
The man who wants the earth should
be satisfied when he bites the dust.
Cheek in a man is not to be admired;
but what is nicer than a woman's cheek?
A roadbed is for the convenience of
wheels when theyare tired. ~ D. Play.
nne.
A second marriage as been defined
as being the triumph Of hope over ex-
perience.
There's one town in Connecticut
where they don't fear smallpox. It's
Haddam. --Bosfon Pest
"Grace, grit and greenbacks" are
mentioned by the Rev. Sam Jones as
the essentials of success.
Diamonds always are regarded as
vulgar by persons of refined tastes and
limited means. IN o. Picaynne.
A man with opinions of his own ap-
pears to be standing insult to men
who have no ideas. --Mew Orleans
Rfaynne.
A lady writes the Journal that she
has 33S different recipes. for making
cake. She's married, boys. Leulston
Journal
Father-What is your favorite hymn,
Clara, my darling7 Clara-The one
you chased away over the fence last
night, dear papa.
The only young lady student at the
Boston University Law School is called
appropriately by the men law students
their sister-in-law.
81 am glad this coffee doesn't owe
me anything" said a boarder at the
breakfast table. 81 do not not believe
it would ever settle"
A love-sick poet says that kiss is
"the meeting of two souls Very true,
and it is sometimes a protracted meet
ing, too. -Bnylingtoa Free Press.
The latest innovation in hat lining is
map of the city printed on silk, SO
that any stranger or gay young fellow
may find his way home. -BostOn Com
moaaoealth.
On the bill of fare of Western hotel
are regularly printed these suggestive
lines /: 'In Rome, gluttony became SC
excessive that it was repressed by law
Bear this in mind"
81 don't think my religion will be
any obstacle to our union," he urged
II am Siprituaist." ~ am afraid il
will" she replied. "Papa is Prohibi
zionist, you know."--Eaehange.
Ethel Mama / think Franz
means business" Mama-"Why, wha
makes you think so1" Ethel-"He
gave me pair of sleeve buttons las
night and they were linked"
slave you read Half Hours with In
sects3" asked Bromley. "No," sadl,
replied Pompano, with a retrospective
CLEAN in his eye, "but / know what i
means. ."-PhladslbAia CALL
Prisoner (desirous of flattering the
Co ourD ~ think there is a fine express
ion in your honor's face. Judge (ur
banely)-So there is, and the fine i.
$Io and costs. Boston Courier
First--young wife makes a beautiful
sponge-cake for young husband; sec
ond-young husband partakes, no
wisely, but too WE'LL third>-throws W
the sponge. -Bnylingt0n F,ee Press
A poet says: "There is always sun
rise somewhere" This is comforting
To the man who is just going to bee
there comes the happy consolation tha
somebody has got to get up and go tt
WoIk.---<tWeTIIUV HeO/e2O.
"Tis love that makes the world 90 round.
Glad of the explanation.
We always thought that we had found
The cause in gravitation.
The terms are still synonymous
And they are right who say
Love turns the heads Of all of us,
Who gravitate that way.
--Pihs6nyg Dispatfh.
| Judge Ito witness who has just calico
the opposing counsel liar)--You are
fined $Io, sir On what grounds dc
you justify yourself in calling tn,
learned counsel a liar sir.
Witness-On the grounds, you
Honor, that / have sworn to tell tn,
truth, the whole truth and nothing bu
the truth.
| The Po,cer of the Press.
In the third volume of Grevill e.
memoirs which has inst apDeared i,