The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-01-03
Fov 7Ae Aykan faaU Trdveley.
 THE UBIQUITOUS AGENT.
A Tale of the Near East and Far Yves
BY BRUKE MOT.

 Who thus addressed the partner of. His pleasures and his toll Well, Sally, take your carpets up, = As soon as you've mind; I've sold the homestead, soon we leave This side-hill farm behind. "As soon's I've settled up accounts We'll straghtway emigrate; Wen take H. Greeley's sage advice ARd seek some western state. "You ask me why leave this spot Where you a blushing bride I brought; and where our only child Our Jack-was born and diedl The spot where gran'ther lived and wrougt Where father drew first breath leave for this: I fain would shun A slow asd painful death. Didst see an agent pass this way, With light plug hat and cane! He cornered mel .tremble yet Down in the loweer lane. He carried many tiny tubes, Of Johnson's $ oilless paint, And chinned to me-the cheeky one Till felt sick and faint. For know, the winters piercing cold, The deadly heat of summer, Affects me not one half as much As does ye festive drummer. And since that railroad has been built There hasn't been a day But some such heartless mscreant Has happened up this way. Monumental trav'ers, agent for Some wonderful invention. And drummers, peddlers, and such like, Too numerous to mention. Las; nigh; Cor so dreamed) the man Who swings a edged axe Chopped off my toes, abeued by Him of the wagon-jacks. "And then the patent clothes bar fend Fast held me in my bed, The while Prof. Puffstuff threw His lung pads at my head. "And5hings have come to such pass That do solemn VOW fear me greatly may wear
 Gains mask upon my brow. !" But yesterday asked a man
 Who sought to sell gate To sup with me he narrowly
 Escaped a horrid fate. For had his no been yes instead He never would have seen His gate again; [ VOW should
 Have fed him Paris green. " And so, old gal, we'll go out west And take up guv'ment land, Before some fellow critters blood Stains this rheumatic hand" Well, Sally, here we are on one Of Uncle Sammy's farms, Where agents are unknown and where No drummer bold alarms. "l feel that am growing young See how my pulse does bound; Why have gained, since coming here, Hard on to nineteen pound. And-who is that comes down the road With such lordly stride Great God, it is au agent See The satchel by his side. "Oh, hide me, wife oh, hide me that It may not be my fate To imbTue my hand with human gore. Alast it is too late" "Good morning, sir. A pleasant day. have with me book Which meets long-felt want pray at This ispriceless volume look. The title is: The Secret Out.' You herein, sir, can learn How that, within one week, you may The thousand dollars earn. give chromo with each work, Likewise a walnut frame. My honored sir, pray take this pen And here subscribe your name." He taketh not the pen, but takes His rusty smooth-bore down And awful is his silent wrath
 And terrible his frown. His gun is true, his aim is true, His judgment very weak He fires foot too high and hits The agent on the cheek. The buck-shot bound and rattle round And hit the stove, the floor, The dog, and the "old gall" who stands lust in the wood-shed door. He gaZes on his prostrate wife, His blue jean vest doth rend Then of himself makes what make Of this true tale-an end.
 -
 THE WRATH OF sARNIuM.
 IF. Anstey, in Exchanged frankly admit whatever may be th