Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-12-23
ABOUT INVENTORS.
Cranks Who Expect to Revolu-
tionize the World.
Principally Engaged In Seeking = Capital
Ist-Hair- Drained ProJects-Some of
the Wonderful Secrets Told by
Their DISCOVERIES.


tcrsely remarked the proprietor Of q
prominent uptown resort to reporter.
"You can fan up against them without
the slightest effort and find them mild
ly insane on all subjects under the sun.
Most of them have inventions out OF
which they expect to make millions in
a very short time. and il you give thon,
half chance they'll talk you silly in
ten minutes. You'd be surprised to see
some of these inventive cranks. They
are men OF wide information and pos
sessed of solid sense when discussing
any subject but their invention. hyou
want to 60 out looking for them l adj
wise you to strap brass cannon'o on your
back, so you can silence them rs soon
as you feel your brain begin to waver.
S'help my goodness, there comes one OF
them now! I'll introduce you"
At this moment gray-ha;red, gray
bearded man entered tho place. who.
instead OF having the appearance OF a
crank, looked like solid, highly intel
ligent citizen. He was introduced to
the reporter and convcrsed in the most
suave and pleasing manner until the
with sly wink, questioned
him about his submarine boat. Then
his face lighted up and he began to
speak rapidly and with some incoher-
ence regarding the subject on which his
mind was turned.
THAT boat is coming on all right. l
have 1t perfect now and will let you sec
1t work in few days"
This gentleman is capitalist" said
the proprietor, indicating the reporter.
''and would like to know something of
your invention. II it strikes him as a
good thing he may invest
"A good thing" cried the crank, his
face shining at the allusion to capital,
MS he almost embraced the reporter,
''come in there and sit down. IN show
on something that will make you fab
ulously rich," and, rubbing his hands
gleefully together, he pilotcd the way
to back room. Seating himself nj q
table and waving the reporter to a
chair, he began violently wordy at
tack on his new-!ound victim. 1--WE
got boat that l can work under the
water with perfect ease, without danger.
and the cost of making them is COM
light. They can be used not
only for all submarine work, but in case
of war / can easily destroy an entire
fleet without danger to myself. II you
will promise to keep my secret l will
tel you about it."
The promise was given. and he con-
tnucd: 1.-The boat is about twelve feet
long. tightly deckcd over, with the ex-
ccptiOn of place for the OF orator. The
power is electricity, which
carry in the bow of the boat in power
full storage batteries Of my own invcn-
ton, that will furnish steady power for
many hours. The batteries arc con-
nc tel with the propeller by cables, and
the speed can be regulated at will. The
operator or engineer SITS in the center
mu h in the same manner rs man sits
in a canoe. A heavy glass half globe
fits over the aperture through which the
operators shoulders come above tho
gunwales of the boat, aud directly in
front OF him is luminous dial board
which shows him exactly the depth he
has reached and also indicates the dis
lance travcrsed. On the shoulders and
back of the operator Is is rubber KNAPP
sack containing a false pair of lungs.
which arc really the most remarkable
part of The invention. Over his head is
a helmet something similar to that used
by divers, but very different in internal
construction. From the mouth of the
helmet is Il tubing connecting with the
false lungs. in such manner that in
the exhalation from the opcr-
ator's lungs Is conveyed through the
where it is purified BY pass
ing through composition Of caustic
soda and tow, and returning through
another tube i inhaled again as pure
air. AThis, you see, does away entirely
with help from the surface. Another
thing of great advantage and not seen
on any other submarine boat ever tried,
my boat shows no bubbles on the sur
face of the water to indicate her where.
abouts. l can go under man-of- war
and lifting off the half globe of glass
let n torpedo loose that fas.ens itself,
by means Of powerful magnet, to the
hull, where IL will hang until the ship
moves or the tide causes little wheel
attached to the end of the torpedo Ia
whirl. Each revolution of tho wheel
brings the electric pins closer together,
and when they meet tho ship Is gone.
A whole fleet can DO fixed in this way
in very short time. Thus you see
what q factor this invention IL destined
to be in naval warfare
The reporter was gradually slipping
under the table, and the proprietor see
ing that he was in danger of falling into
q trance came to the rescue and told
the crank TO call again. The crank dis
liked to let go of his new-found friend
but he saw II was policy for him 10 do
part
THAT" said the proprietor. lis only
one among the small army of inventive
lunatics who come here occasionally Il
give me the first chance to invest In
their crazy ideas. Another fellow ha.
sets of springs, with which he propose,
to propel small boat through Tn,
water ut the rate of n mile minute
The springs, he says. are coilcd on {
spool, being tempered as they arr
coiled. These springs arc to be fastened
by some means 10 screw and theil
force controlled by means OF lever
and when the power of one l. exhausted
another slides into its place. lie say
he Is going TO astonish the world BY
coming down the Hudson River one o
these days at nile minute. Another
one has some kind OF cannon or cata
pult with which he says he can shoot {
fireman up on to the roof Of burning
building. His object IL to have thu
fireman fasten ropes, by which lives car
be saved. Just imagine big, fat fire
man sailing through the air with rope
fastened to him, and alighting on {
burning roof. There ought to be {
place 70 put these fellows" and thu
proprietor cast q Disguised look at {
dozen or so crazy looking models tha
had been left with him for invcstiga
ton.
The reporter met men who would In
vent anything from portable post hole
10 non-mcltablc snowballs 10 wear IL
ones pocket on hot days to keep chilly
The first one Of the gang 10 drop II
Was regular who Is seen at the place