The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-01-24

U AA THE ARKANSA A Fsv ZAs Aykansesv TSsvsitv.
 FACTS, FUN AND FRlV0LlTY.
 RY LUTHER C, Rl6GS>
 
 In Search of Information. A httls Sour year old while coming down stairs this morning, was cautiOned by his foud mamma not to lose his balance. "And where would my balance 70 to- he Queried, ~if | should iosa ss ss
 A Goose of Husband.
 "You didn't iaugh at my stupidity be- fore we were married" remarked in q complaining tone. . repensans benedict. "You always said was . duck of a lover" !" Yes, that's so," replied the wife, "but a duck of lover is always sure to make a goose of a husband" !
 They Try and No, Get Len.
 No, George" she said, in response to his question, sit is not true that a string of new bels-buckles in a shop window would make any woman lose a train; but" she added musingiy, some times she mighs have to run just q little, in order to catch en, or not get left"
 1t Took all His Strength Away.
 The father of eleven unmarried girls, neither of whom had secured a male visitor during the spent twelve months of leap year, was so deeply moved this morning, by the soul-entrancing spectacle oi young man ambling up the front steps, that he could do nothing but lean oa. the front window and gasp for breath.
 Possessed His Soul With Patience.
 The time for man to stand firmly by Jobs example is when he washes his face with homemade soap and begins to poke around over the chairs with his eyes shut, inquiring for towel, quick, but is placidly informed by his free-and-easy ~;Ge "that the towel is in the bureau drawer, reckon. but the children lost the key yesterday"
 How He Wanted 1t Done.
 And then the cockney gentleman stepped up to give in his testimony : Your 'onor, declare 'pon me word and oath, there was vast crowd getsin' about i'm, hand one man said the other man was killed, hand another said the same hand then l hexclaimed, with q voice loud enough for them hall to 'car me 1; said hi, ''vy don't you hall stand back hand give i'm little hair p'"
 She Wanted 1t Nice and Strong.
 "l want it nice and strong and snug like, ," said blushing widow, this morning, as she stepped into a Halsted street un- dertaker's, after she had exhumed fresh pocket handkerchief, and controlled her sobs with great difficulty. "Oh, that's all right" returned the undertaker, tap ping the casket merrily. "I1l warrant this box will hold him, fast enough i; he couldn't get out of it, madame, if he had ever so great a mind top
 His Reom Preferable to His Company.
 As a rule, we would infinitely prefer an unequal encounter with a Michigan cy- clone CT Dakota blizzard, to a casual meeting with the man who assumes that we possess musical talent of hish order, and in consequence insists on boring us with his own preconceived no- tions of the music of the future, concern ing which we know as little as we do of the music of the spheres, and care cor respondingly less.
 We Don't Want te Meet Him.
 Of all 6ends in human shape, whom we least wish to encounter, we have the greatest aversion to meeting the man who wears white hat during the winter months. smokes a pipe while thre ,ding the frozen streets, and accosts one as " hello, old fellow" just as we are put ting on our best smile, adjusting our necktie, twirling our moustachs, and hoping to make good impression on a bevy of stylishly dressed and beau tiful young lady friends ~ho are ap- preaching from the opposite side of the way
 A Very Eccentric Foreign Minister.
 Once upon a time an English investor, of the gentle bat more persistent sex, de- cided that she wanted Minister Thorn ton's advice relative to certain American securities, and wrote to him ct Washing.