The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-15
PITH AND POINT.


1Ir's all, Qua with meas the un-
popular actor remarked to friend.
ONE patriots idea of reform meas
ure is measure that holds more beer
than those now in use.
1T goes against my grain" as the
Kansas farmer observed when q cloud
of grasshoppers swooped down on his
wheatfeld.
Ar the theater he asked her If she
believed in the cloven foot. NO."
she answered, "but am positive of the
clove-in-mouth."
THE world-renowned Kentucky ac-
tress is not married, and yet everyone
is eternally talking about Maryland
'er-son.-"C Carl PretsePs Weekly.
A LAW has evidently been recently
enacted in Egypt imposing heavy fine
upon persons who throw banana skins
on the sidewalks. Khartoum hasn't
fallen for two weeks.
"WILL you have salt on your eggs?"
asked the hotel waiter of the guest.
90, no. thanks; they are not at all
fresh" Then the waiter went out to
consult the landlord to see if the hotel
had been lnsulted.
ar SAY, your topcoat is covered
with dirt" Bit fell into the gut
tiers as 1 was coming home from the
club last night" A.-"Why didn't
you keep better hold of it?" B.-"Be-
cause had it ON at the time"
A MAN will walk five miles in po-
litical procession, carrying torch and
feeling good over it, but it makes him
tired for week to walk five blocks
and carry letter to the postoffice for
his wife, Cincinnati Merchant TraU-
eller.
Now THE huskers are arrayed on
Many dUsky barns wide floor,
Every swain besi dc his maiden
Rounded the heaped-up golden store:
With what bissful expectation
Do they watch the corn appear,
Till the sudden OSCILLATION
Loud procaims the rare red ear.
Huntington Eres Press
1T is seriously proposed to provide
each night policeman in England with
large dog. 1t has been matter of
surprise to us that this has not been
done before. 1t is difficult to compre-
bend how an officer can dog the steps Of
criminal when he has no dog. The
dog supplies a long-felt want
GIRL in blue-"There's young Mr..
Duderson over there; don't you think
he's just splendid?" Girl in red
Splendid, that pan of mushl Why
he took me buggy riding last week, and
tried to kiss me-" G.. /. B.-"Well?"
G. /. R.-"Well, he put his arm around
me, and-and of course / told him just
to behave himself" G.. ]. B.-"Well ?"
G.. ]. R.-"Well-he behaved himselfp
Both-"Ugh!"-Sd1a Francisco Post
| DEAD
| "Tread softly, DEAR" the old man said,
| For here in this room he lies:
Dumb are the lips you loved so well,
And closed arc the beautiful eyeR
Your hand cannot rouse him now. poor girlp
his heart stirs not to your cries;
Forgotten is earth and the things thereof
BE sleeps, let us stifle our signs"
The awful truth came home to her then,
And she bent DER the bearded chin;
.oh, heavenl' she moaned, tits true he's desdi
Dead drunk again, and on gfnf-
THE Judge.
A GALVESTON lady has q brother who
is an artist, and of whom she is very
proud. She imagines that her brother
is great painter but he is not Not
long since a gentleman, who is o good
Judge of pictures, visited her. She
showed him one of her brothers pir
lures, expecting him to praise it. After
he had examined it carefully, he asked:
"At what trade did you say your
brother was engaged ?"-Teras Sift-
i71JS.
MILLION HEIR.
Yes, know a maiden witty,
One so amiable and pretty,
Express TO her my love hardly dare.
White as ivory are her teeth.
Dimped chin rests underneath,
And her papa is a well-known millionaire,
Her form is just perfection,
Faintest pink her complexion.
In her manner she is slightly debonnair.
She has eyes OF liquid blue,
Dainty foot, a number two,
With papa quite well-known millionaire.
She lives scross the way
While i fiirt with her each day
1vow that only she my lot shall share.
Her father will see,
And find out can be
His son-in-law and little million heir.
Detroit Journal.
ELDER PHILLIPS, who was jovial
soul, settled many years ago near the
headwaters of the Susquehanna He
was, in fact, Presbyterian dominic.
He was full of humor and ready with
his repartee on all occasions. Jack
Rickett, quasi parishioner, who was
A Il 4