Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-11-24
A CR0SS-EYED LOVER.
The Awful Mistake Made by Miss
Bugenia Philpot

WOULD never trust or employ CROSS
eyed man. for the Lord had set HIS
mark on the fellow, and that was
'noueh for him Now my great-grand-
father is dead--has been dead for some
ars-nnd ! don't Ike to contrad ct
h S opinions, because he can't take h.S
turn at opposing nine; bat do think
he would have allowed that there are
exceptions TO the rule Surely Mr..
Augustus Holloway. the artist was
such an exception. for q more modest
kindly. sincere and generous person l
never know. yet his eyes crossed In the
most aggressive and perp'exing way
ever beheld; nor could any curious or
scientific observer fully describe the
relative position OF these organs; for II
you undertook 10 stare at them, you
never knew that one eye was not stern
ly glaring at you with rebuke; and, in
decd. it generally was. Augustus did
not like TO be inspected; deform ties
naturally make their possessors sens-
tive, and his had been source of much
trouble 10 him, for his eyes looked so
many ways that he was held account
able for wandering glances that he
never sent or meant
Once, at an artists reception. he was
collarcd and dragged into the anteroom
by fiery and untamed young naval
oncer, who considered that this meek
creature had stared ut his betrothed
too porsIstently for endurance, while
really Mr.. Holloway was intently
study ng light and shade on canvas
far 10 ono side and above the shrink
ing damsers head. with view TO
writing his annual report Of this Fin
tcrcsting occasion" for q do ly news
paper 1t took several minutes and
the intervention Of four agonized
friends 10 rescue Augustus from tho
impending cane of Lieutenant Black
and make that gallant tar understand
tho great obliquity OF his victims
vision; but, alasl no apologies
could heal the wounded spirit, for the
trouble was to be lifelong. and who
knew how often he might provoke pun
lshment and how rarely escape from
hp The experience opened to him an
awful vista.
He could not be cured by surgery
that had been tried In vain; and 1t was
equally vain for him to try TO keep his
eyes on some inanimate thing when
there was danger Of his offend ng. for
the eyes themselves were recusant; and
even in church. II one regarded tho
preacher. the other shot dark glances
among the pews.
Ho was upbraided by young lovers
for watching their shy billing and
cooing. when he was really cycling
and talking to the disappearing dow
ager opposite him to attract her atten-
tion away from the doves.
He narrowly escaped an experience
at the police court because, while he
was buying cologne at q druggists.
''he cast one o. them heyes OF his'n
right hinto the safe / was hopenin',
stead of mlndin' his hown business" ;"
as the new clerk testified in court when
that safe, the very mcknight, had been
opened and robbed. IT was lucky for
Augustus that he had doalt with the
shop-man who sold him his ALL he
de la Cloche farina for tho last ton
years; and eyeu the judge smiled when
that disgusted clerk rcbutted the little
Englishman's testimony with: ''Oh.
nonsense! that was Mr.. Holloway, the
painter; he'd have been glad enough
to throw both of his eyes into the safe
If thoy'd come out straight; but ho
....,.. "a o,,o,, IoaL;nt into a. Ia. La easd
to me, when / give him the cologne,
Whats that green stuff in the top jarp
its o lovely tintp "
Poor Augustus to repeat his adven-
lures would take longer than tho Ara
bian Nights. and be far more monoton-
Gus, for they all hinged on those un-
hinged eyes. But worst of all, he fell
one fine day. not in ditch or chalk
pit, but recklessly fell IN love, There
were two Misses Philpot living in the
mercal-named street round the cor
ner from his studio. do not and dare
not give the real name Of the street,
! lest some fearfully veracious person
should directly set to work and prove
that there never was such street. aid
no house with that aspect and plan in
that street, and no Phi lpols ever lived
in that street or house either. am
willing to give it up on the Philpots,
and to own that l have supplied them
with new name for this occasion only,
and that should have said there were
three Misses Philpot but l really forgot
the elder, who was very good, elderly
| woman andsdd much charitable work
| in connection with DR.. 81 ng's church,
but Is of no Importance to u.s. though
| it caused some trouble. hereinafter to
be expounded, to our hero. that there
should be a Miss Philpot, as we'll as
two Misses Eugenia Philpot aunt and
| niece.
Not that they were ever confused in
their own household, for the aunt wal
! always called Jenny-ignominioul
travesty Of a stately name, but still
having its own Sonveniences. Eugenia
the niecc was girl of eighteen. and
really exquisitely lovely, with com
plexion of pinks and snow rather
| than rosas ana 1iliaA 40 trana