The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1885-12-29
THE BRAKEMAN DECIDES
He Settles q Dispute Between
Two Drummers.
And Makes a Decision Which Benefited
the Referee Only. IS

anu makes a Decision Which Benefited
the Referee Only. y
One drummer held in his hand an
unlighted cigar. Another drummer
asked that the cigar be given him.
II will" was the reply, 'if you will
first tell me correctly what is to be-
come of it."
call right. Ipredict that you will
not give it to me-"
"Now see how stupid you are. If
should give it to you your prediction
would be false And. your prediction
being false. according to u agree
ment 1 keep the cigar"
But, stay there" replied the other;
"if you keep the cigar my prediction
is true and the cigar must be mine.
my prediction cannot be proven false
unless you give me the cigar"
You have lots of gall to think you
can get something for nothing"
"You have lots of nerve to stand up
here and refuse to carry out your
agreement.
"You are a liar"
YOU'RE another"
"You -"
"YOu -"
"Here," cried the brakeman. emo fight
ing here. What is the row about?"
The case was duly stated to the
brakeman. That individual scratched
his head, wiped the coal SCOT and per-
spiration from his lip with his gloved
hand, and, after great deliberation, ex-
claimed:
"Give me the cigar"
The cigar vas handed him.
This is a very interesting case" he
said; sit reminds me of the syllogisms
of Zeno, which we used to study at
the round house on the problem of
cause and effect illustrated by the ex-
ample of two double-header freight
trains trying to pass each other on the
same track, or the similar but more alb
stract problem of what is the result
when an irresistible force comes in
contact with an immovable body. But,
gentlemen, as Aristotle used to say
oh. have you got a knife about your
clothes"
Drummer No. l produced a knife
and with it the brakeman cut off the
end Of the cigar.
"As Aristotle used to say, that is a
-eductio ad absurdam-a two-and-two-
make five case. But as Plato observed
in his work on color blindness and
bolted frogs, the impossible is possible
only with the impossible andy the
way, have you got a match about your
clothes? ?"
Drummer No. 2 produced a match.
And now" continued the brake
man, addressing No. l, "you promised
to give this cigar to No. 2 if he would
correctly guess what would become of
it,"
Eyes"
"Well. he guessed that you wouldn't
give it to him, and, as you haven't
given it to him, according to your
promise the cigar no longer remains
yours"
eyes"
"And now, you other fellow, you
think the cigar is yours because you
correctly guessed what this man would
do with It"
Yes"
"But if he should give the cigar to
you then your guess would he false
one, and, according to the contract,
the cigar would not be yours"
YES"
Nov you see, gentlemen, that the
cigar belongs to neither Of you. I
think (puff, puff)-I think it is (puff,
puff a good cigar. Good day, gentle
men. and if you have any more syllog-
isms to quarrel over please let the
stakes be house and lot or a diamond
ring, and I'll be glad to settle the dis
pute for you."
And rs the two drummers looked at
each other out of the corners Of their
eyes the brakeman walked proudly
away, exclaiming:
"Smartville! The next stop is Smart.
villel"-Chicago Herald.