Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1885-07-17
MODERN ARCHITECTURE.
Bill Nye's Opinion of It In General an,
Summer Residences in PartiouIar.


Bill Nyes Opinion of II In General and
Summer Residences in Particular.
1t may be premature, perhaps, but I
desire to suggest to any one who may
be contemplating the erection of sum-
mcr residence for me, as slight testi-
monial of his high regard for my ster-
ling worth and symmetrical escutcheon
"a testimonial more suggestive of car
nest admiration and warm personal
friendship than Of great intrinsic value,
etc. otc., that hope he will not con-
struct 1t on the modern plan of mental
hallucination and morbid delirium tre-
mems peculiar to recent architecture.
OF course q man ought not to look a
gift-house in the gable end, but II my
friends don't know any better than to
build mo summer cottage and throw
in odd windows that nobody else want,
ed, and then daub 1t up with colors
that they have bought at auction and
applied to tho house after dark with
shotgun, think it is time that we had
a better understanding.
Such a structure does not come with
in either of the three classes of renais-
sance. 1t is neither Florentine, Roman
nor Venetian. Any man can originate
such a style of architecture il he will
drink the right kind of whisky long
enough and then describe his feelings
to an amanuensis. Imagine the sensa-
ton that one of these modern, sawed of
cottages would create hundred years
from now, If it should survive! But that
is impossible The only cheerful feature
of the whole matter is that these Great
ures of disordinary imagination must
soon pass away and the bright sunlight
of hard-horse sense shine in through the
shattered dormers and gables and
gnawed-olf architecture of the average
summer resort. A friend of mine a
few days ago showed me his new house
with much pride. He asked me what I
thought of it. told him liked il first
rate. Then went home and wept al
night. 1t was my first falsehood.
The house, taken as a whole. looked
to me like skating rink that had start
ed out to make money and then sud-
denly changed its mind and resolved to
become tannery. Then ten feet high
er it had lost all self-respect and bios
somed into full-grown drunk and dis
orderly, surrounded by the smoke
stack OF foundry and with the bright
future of thirty days ahead with the
chain gang. That's the way it looked
to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends of mistt rafters and distorted
shingles that somebody had purchased
at sheritf's sale, and the rooms and
stairs were giddy in the extreme
nd
the cross-eyed staircases and night
mares till reason tottered on her throne.
Then | came out and stood on the ar
chitectural wart called the side porch to
get fresh air. This porch was painted
dull red, and it had wooden rosettes
ct the corners that looked like bran
new carbuncle on the nose OF social
wreck. Farther up on the dcmoralized
lumber pile saw, now and then, places
where the workman's mind had wan
dered, and he had nailed on his clap
boards wrong side up and then painted
them with Paris green that he had in
tended to use for something else. 1t was
an odd looking structure, indeed. If
my friend got all the material for moth
ing from people who had fragments of
paint and lumber left over after they
failed, and then if the workmen con-
structed it nights for mental relaxation
and intellectual rcpose, without charge,
of course the scheme was financial
success: but architecturally the house
is Il gross violation of the statutes in
such cases made and provided, and
against the peace and dignity of the
State.
There is a look of extreme poverty
about the structure which a man might
struggle for years to acquire and then
fail. No one could look upon it with
out feeling heartache for the man who
built that house, and probably s.rug
| gled on year after year, building it a
| little at a time, as he could steal the
lumber, getting new workman each
year, building a knob here and pro-
tuberance there, putting in q three-cor-
nered window at one point, and yell
low tile or yard of broken glass or
other debris at another, patiently filling
in around the ranch with old rubbish
that other people had got through with,
and painting 1t as he went along TAX
ing what was left in the bottom of the
pots after his ne'ghbors had painted
their bobstays or their tree boxes little
favors thankfully received-and then
surmounting the whole pile with pot
pourri of roof, a grand farewell incubus
of humps and hollows for the ruin to
wander through and seek out the differ
ent cells where the lunatics live who
inhabit it
did tell my friend one thing that l
thought would improve the looks of his
house. He asked me eagerly what it
could be. 1 said it would take man
OF great courage to do it for him. He
said he didn't care for that He would
do 1t himself. If it only needed one
thing he would never rest till he had it,
whatevsr it might be. Then told him
that if he had friend-one he could
trust-who would steal in there some
night while the family were away and
scratch a match on the leg of his
breeches, or on the brooches of any
other gentleman who happened to be
present, and hold 1t where 1t would ig-
mite the alleged house, and then remain
near there 10 see that tho fire depart
ment did not meddle with it, he would
confer great favor on one who would
cheerfully retaliate in kind on call. -
Bill Nye, in Toledo Elade.