The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1885-03-05
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
n her beam ends The sun.

On her beam en- Is The sun.
Nothing to speak OLA dude.
A growing industry-Raising fam
uy.
The story of a teamster's life is near..y
always tale Of whoa -Judge.
The shrewtl skating rink man never
advertises hard wood iloors.-CaH.
If you can't marry u woman OF sense,
young man, marry woman OF dollars
CaW
What kind of essence does a young
man like when he pops the question!
Acouicscence. Chicn9o San.
Somebody has noticed that a woman
who shakes the door mat on the sidewalk
ellis the public eye" e."-Lyna Item.
1t is no sga that man has attained
to ripe old age simply because he goes
home mellow every night. - Boston 1ran-
script.
Cod perspiration chilled his brow,
Dire fances tiilel his brain,
. He made q so'eml temperance vow,
AMI never smiled again.
-Merchunt- -Trareler.
"My affections are WASTED on you,"
he softly remarked to her, as he gently
placed his arm where he thought it
would do the most good.--IUtsbury
Chronicle.
A camel will work for seven or eight
days without drinking. In this ne differs
from some men. who will drink seven or
eight days without working.-LotceN
Courier.
A man in Georgia tells of ten pound
trout which stopped mill wheel. Either
the wheel must have been smaller than
Che trout or the lie bigger than the mill.
-Bostoa Post.
A man makes his living in Pittsburg
by peddling hot water. He has no GUS
toners among the married men, Their
wives keep them in hot watcr.-San
Francisco Neacs, Litter.
During an examination medical stu
dent being asked the question, "When
does modification ensue" replied:
:sWhen you pop the question and are
answered no. ~ Chicugo Sun.
An article in a New England paper is
headed GLOW to Reach Young Men,"
The fathers of several marriageablo
daughters in this city have adopted the
plan of reaching them with their boots.
PUCK.
A Vermont storekeeper set spring
gun in his store for twenty-five years
without baggng anything until the other
night. when the old musket fell down
and shot him through beth legs.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
'My, my, how that chimney smokes,
comnlained a wife to her husband. 'It
might do worse, my DEAR" he replied
consolingly. I'D like to know how"
"Why, you see, it might chew" A fall
of SCOT stopped the flow Of conversation.
-ArhansdW Traceler.
:Love him? No, mamma, l hate him.
The impudent young scamp 'Then l
suppose, my dear. you will break your
engagement with him?" "No, indeed
not; I shall marry him" "Well, we'll,
I didn't believe you hated him as badly
as that. ."-Ne,o York Graphic.
A Boston girl is going to marry Prof.
Edmunds, one of the men who devised
zone standard time. The marriage may
be happy one if some fiendish para
graphist doesn't rush in with the remark
that the professor is anxious to call her
his zone. .-No1ristomn Herald.
After the concert: Mrs. Amateur
"That last number was delicious. What
a beautiful air!'' Mrs. Tinsel-"Beauti-
full air! For my part, thought it was
extremely oppressive. 1t was fearfully
warm, and there didn't seem to be any
ventilation at all. "-Boston Transcript.
'Tis said that figures never lie
But herewith is the reason why
I'm of opinion bias;
For when a meters figures show
That I've consumed mile or So
OF weak and dirty gas, know
1t lies like Ananlas.
-Neo York Journal
"Pinder," severely demanded Mrs.
Fitzgoober, "did you take your medi-
cine last night2" "Yes, man," sweetly
answered that cherub. About an hour
afterward the lady found the mixture OF
compound bitterness that had been IN
tended for Finders cold lying snugly
under the washstand. "Pinder!' she
yelled. 'sYes, man." 81 thought you
told me you had taken your medicine?"
$50 did, ma; but you didn't ask me
where l took it to, so kept quiet on
that point But he didn't keep quiet
at the point of her rod. atlanta C0nsts-
tuition.
THE BOSTON GIRLS DAINTIES.
In the sweet and balmy summer time,
When we seem to live in troplc cline,
Aud the earth is as fair as an angels dream,
Pm fond of dish OF cool ice cream.
In the chilly and clustering winter hours,
When we miss the grass and the scented
flowers,
And the song-birds lay and tho skies SO blue,
Pm fond of the toothsome oyster stew.
Throughout the year, whether cold or hot,
There's a dainty baked in an earthern pot,
To which my inclination leans
On Sunday morning and beans.
-Bosteu Courien