Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-01-22

WIT AND HIsIOR
III tell you q plan for gaining wealth,
:. Better than banking, trade. or lease;
Take q bank-nofe and fold it up,
arid then you will find your money

"a Better than banking trade. or lease;
Take bank-nofe and fold it up,
ana then you will find your money In
tTeases.
This wonderful plan, without danger or loss
aeep your cash In yuIf own hands, wher
nothing can trouble it:
And every time that you fold il across,
~ as plain as the light of the day that yo'
Don't fret if you can not get into SO
ciety. The oyster is often present at
supper when he would perhaps prefer
to be at home in his bed.-Boston Cour
Ter.
The Prince of Wales is Colonel of six
teen different regiments. This is not q
circumstance to Florida; here we hav,
sixteen Colonies to one regiment
Florida Times Union.
''Pa, how funny this looks in thi,
paper. The printer has got the word,
all mixed up, SO there is no sense TO it. =
mo, no, my child. That is a new poem
by Tennyson. Marathon independent
An old Vermont farmer who went
down to visit Boston returned and told
his wife there "was the long-waistedesi
girls he ever seed in his life down thar y
He caught sight of few with Mother
Hubbartls on.
'tHotel clerks are human beings, -
says the Hotel Register. This is import
ant, if true; but we have always sup
posed them to be demi-gods at least
II they are human beings, they are very
superior ones.-- Boston Transcript.
There are living in New England
more than thirty persons upward OF
one bundled years of age. This goes
to show that the mince pie served down
East is not SO deadly a. that found in
Chicago restaurants. Chicago Herald
''lt's but fitting that the son should
be brought up to the fathers calling, f"
but Wen wager the old gentleman finds
it difficult to bring them up to his call
ing to build a fire these mornings of low
mercury and high winds. -sprinqfeld
Register.
Policeman-''Have you permit to
play herePn Organ grinder mo, but
i amuses the little ones so mu h. .
Policeman-''Then you will have the
goodness to accompany me-" Every
well, sir, what do you wish to sing?n-
fltegenede Blatter.
A Brooklyn young man is quite
''gone" on Hamlet. Reading il
to the girl of his heart last week, he
came to the passage: ''Or if thou wilt
needs marry, marry a fool lis
that a proposal, dear?' she asks Yes,
darling he replied. And they settled
it there and then.
A shrewd old lady of this place eau
toned her married daughter against
worrying her husband too much, and
concluded by saying: my child,
man is like an egg. Aept in hot
water little while he may boil soft,
but keep him there too long and he
hardens. "-Lockhauen Express.
The length of Welsh names is proven
bial but even Taffy seems outdone by
the title of Mahrathi work lately pub
lished in the Bombay Presidency. e.,
"shrimanmad Observation-Disclosures
nanatnakapadyaratnamala,' which
means, oversees Describing the Death of
Pe-hwa Mahaw Rao |. "--Londoa Ora
phic.
In the citadel is shown small can
non which was taken at Bunker's hill.
A party o. Americans were looking at
the gun the other day, while sergeant
recited its history Yes, said a lady.
'you've got the cannon, but guess
we've got the hill.'' As a patriotic epi-
gram, this is worth a place in history
The Theatre.
Young Man (after long interval of
silence) "A penny for your thoughts,
Miss Clara. Miss Clara (suppressing a
yawn)-I was wondering if that clock
isn't slow. 1t seems to me that church
let out four hours ago, and now it's only
midnight. The young man left with
out parting with his penny, and in con-
siderable haste.
Gentlemen, said an auctioneer. with
true pathos, ''if my father and my
mother stood where you stand, and did
not buy this stew-pan, this elegant
w-pan-going at ST. should feel it
my bounden duty as II son to tell both
of them they were false to their coun-
try and false to themselves. san
Francisco Argonaut.
1--WE a big piece Of news for you, old
fellow-going to be married next month
to the chalmiygest little widow ever
was. IA widow? Beware of widows
A widows heart is like Louise one
moves into--you are always sure 10 find
something that recalls the previous ten
ant kicking about ia some cupboard or
garnet. French Paper.
The other day a precious youngster
was asked if he was papa's boy. He
answered, Yes" And are YOU
mammals boy, too?' Yes replied
Willie. well. how can you be papa s
boy an mamma's boy both at the same
timer "Oh, !" he replied, Indifferent
". cant wagon have two horses?"
That settled the questioner.
'Do you know the prisoner?n asked
the Judge. "Yes, SIR replied the
witne $. what sort of reputation
has hep" Reputation? First-class. y
"What has he ever done?n Dome?
Why. your honor. he killed four men
ia Texas with three shots, and there
isn't man in this country who can
whip him in fair fight. French Gra-
phic.
In a box at the opera two ladies are
bringing their opera glasses to bear on
a third-a brunette of mature years
made beautiful with superb diamonds.
Look said one; lit is the Countess
X. Her hair is jet black, and ! am sure
that it was gray last year" VERY
true, my dear. But you forget that she
is in mourning. She lost her brother
some months ago"
OUGHT exclaimed young Johnny
Jarphly, who was receiving remind
er. !" ''You got the wrong end. ma!
yon got the wrong end of the ruler!
That end has got the brass tip on it,"
sits poor rule that won't work both
ways. = philosophically replied Mrs. Jar
phly, as she adjusted the stick to his
derelictions. httsbavg Chronicle.
Miss Ollie Price, one of the sweet
est young ladies, will very soon launch
that giddyi young fish. Glenn Hutehin-
son. understand that it will be no
brilliant illumination or sumptuous feast
affair, but with puritanic simplicity,
amid the ancient walls of her Uncle
Gabe's domicile, they will be made one.
May the good work go on and on
AdairUitte. Ky., S1ti1tgs.
Tho Fullerton Telescope man is writ
ing history of Nance County, and in
order to get to the beginning has gone
back to the creation of the world. He
cannot decide, however, when he gets
there, whether it was God who created
it, or whether it was evolved by self
operating forces inherent in matter :"
He is coming down to Nance County
by easy stages, by way of Adam and the
flood. omaha Bee.
An Ontario drummer. a member of
the c. Z. T. S., was ut leading hotel
in Montreal lately when his ribbon and
badge attracted the attention of the