The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-04-30
PHILKIN'S FIGURES.
Amount of Damage by the Late Rains
According to Humorous Ike.

Amount of Damage by the Late Rains
According to Humorous Ike.
There is tolerably good story OF an
old man who asked his youthful son
to solve the following startling prob
lem: If cat at the bottom OF deep
well climbs up one foot per day and
slips back two at night, how long Will
it take it to get to the top? The boy
Immediately began to cipher and soon
had both sides of his slate covered
with figures. Then he paused and
drew long breath. whats your
answer ?" said the old man, at length,
"Well, dad; if 1 only had a few more
states, I'd figure that cat in h-ll in
less than no time" said the young
hopeful.
The application of the above true
anecdote may be seen perchance, if
tbe'kind reader will peruse farther.
In Sundays issue of the San An
tonic Express Ike Philkins makes the
blood-curdling announcement that a
certain paragraph in a late number of
TIE STATESMAN was written with
malice prGpense (and soft Faber)
purposely to keep the citizens of Aus
tin from reading the Express. OF
1t was only playful suggestion OF the
great Texas humorist, but for fear
lest strangers might actually think
THE STATESMAN capable of designs
so dark and damnable, it is best to ex-
plain.
1t will be remembered that an ex-
| ceedingly heavy rain fell in Austin
one day last week. The said rain
swept away houses, bridges, fences
and things, doing altogether consid-
| cradle lot of unnecessary mischief.
Now it is not generally known, yet 1t
is fact, that in addition to being
one of the greatest hHmorists OF the
age, Mr.. Philkins is also lightning (of
the chained" variety when it
comes to statistics. Here
was splendid chance to
to show up his fine mathematical tai
ent. So he began to cipher on the
losses done in the Capital City. He
| first placed the total damage at from
$4,000 to $4,000. Quite a modest
estimate, but it seemed rather steep to
the unrefecting mind of poorly
posted STATESMAN man, who, in d
rash moment, questioned the accura-
cy of the figures. So far from"reced.
ing from the estimates Mr.. Philkins
the next day, through the columns OF
the Express, hurled back q sum il
addition that laid the first completely
in the shade. By his last census hi
toots up the total damage at $26, 600
and then goes on to State that by put
ting in sundry other items, thu
damage wrought by Jupiter Pluviu'
would go as high as $4,000.
The above calculations are high trib
ute to the arithmetical and Statistical
ability of the Express correspondent
J He did it no doubt without any he'll
and in the short space of three days
The question now is, if he had onl,
, given himself little more time ant
: used up several more reamS of paper
: to what fearful sum might Ike hav
, not have made his figures reachp ii
, only counted up actual damages
What about constructive damages
This alone ought to have sWelled tn
total $4,000. That was a very ba
oversight in you Isaac. And then b
failed to charge up some things tia
by all means should have been iI
, cluded in the bill. The damage don
the nerves of timid ladies would Ger
: tainly go away up in the thousand:
;. the wear and tear of the lightnin
: rods and telephone wires; the los
{ chickens that met watery gray,
o the temporary suspension of traffic
e all these ought certainly t
have been counted in; els
. what avails the mode:
> announcement that the Express Civ,
= all the news" For correspondent
a paper that boasts Of giving all Il
news, these omissions are simply inc,
cusable. The next time that Ike III
q dertakes to write up flood it is si
q cerely hoped he will take more pail
If and report all the details, otherwi
: the Express will be open to the pail
If full charge of only giving partial a
: count of the happenings in Austin.