News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-01-15
A PATRON OF HUsBANDRY.

spring to be present at the inaugural
Dall.-TeraS Sifting8.
SETTLERS WANTED.
A man who had bad habit OF letting
his accounts with the butcher, grocer,
etc.. run on forever. was seen the other
day by one of his cred itors, packing
box home.
Hello" he said, ''what are you going
20 do with that?"
Going to put my goods and chattels
III it."
"What for ?"
"Tm going to move out West? ?"
"What's that for ?" !
"Oh, I'm going out there to settle;
there's nothin' here for me-"
Going West to settle, are you"
That's the racket"
"Well, you'd better settle here first.
There's nothing out there for us, and
We want settlers in this neighborhood,
about as much as any-place you ssss;s
saw. "-Merch0rt IT0Veler.
OUT OF OIL.
"And so you are comfortably fixed
uow," pleasantly remarked. one lady to
another. ,
"Oh, yes; we own our home, and are
getting along very we'll" replied the
vther.
How did your husband make his
money ?" was asked.
"Out of oil" the reply.
ooh, boring for it ?"
"No, ma'am."
"Buying oil land2"
mo, ma a'am."
"Speculating"
"Oh, no"
"How did he make his money out Of
it, then?"
by keeping out of t."-Rochester
Post.
CORDIAL INVITATION.
A slim youth, accom- panied by pug
log and chain attachment met a young
lady on Fifth avenue whom he knew.
He walked by her side until her resi-
lence was gained, when she invited him
in.
"Aw-thawnks; awfully much pleased,
I'm suah," he said; "but-er-the dog,
y'know-"
"Ob, the dog won't make the slight
Ast difference. Dear little fellow Nam
ma will be glad to see you both"
IN BOSTON.
ST notice in the report of the ball that
Miss De Silver wore nothing but dia-
monds and pearl iewelry," remarked ia
cetious Mr.. Smith. 81 hope she wore
.omething else."
Certainly, she did," replied Mrs.
smith.
"What else, pray?"
"Rer eyeglasses. - Graphic,
ONLY FABLE.
Once in Large City there dwelt q
Maiden whose Mother, being in Moder-
tte Circumstances, was put to great
strata to go educate her Daughter that
>he might occupy a higher Walk iu
Life. She worked hard and deprived
herself OF every Comfort. Al how was
she rewarded? Strange to say, this
Ifgiiiuslz. Ihfnfssz I1sy & aI'Isre,esfnted her Mother
from School she would devote her time
to the Kitchen until the hour for her
Music Lesson arrived, and then she
would make the Piano Howl. She arose
early and assisted with the Washing and
ironing. and when her Young Man took
her to the Ice Cream Parlor at night she
always slipped some Choice Cake into
her Pocket for Ma. Finally she and the
Young Man were married, and the Best
Room in their House was devoted to the
Old Lady, who never afterward did a
Lick of Work. Moral: This is not
True Story. 1t is a Fable. Cincinnati
Times.
HE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS.
"When you go to bed you should al
ways hang up your watch, 1t is better
for it." remarked Wilson to his son re-
Gently.
The next night he asked the young
man what time it was.
"I don't know" replied the youth.
"Where is your watch ?"
II hung it up, sir. "-GrGphic.
NOT WHAT he WANTED.
"I don't 'zac'ly understan' this ERE
Spanish treaty. What does it do ?"
"Why, it gives us cheaper sugar"
"What do we want O. cheaper sugar ?
The s'loons allus throws in the sugar"
Chicago NetOS.
BY A coAoHMAN.
To speak the words her tongue did fal'er,
But ali her tears and prayer were idle;
Her father forced her to the altar,
For he'd determined on the bride.
She did MT wi TO stirrup strifr,
Aud so her fee inss she did smother;
But saddle Je her married life
She W, dded one but loved another.
Boston Courier.
PAINFUL SURPRISE.
"My DEAR" he said as he entered the