News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-04-23
STRAY BITS OF HUMOR
FOUND IN THE JOKERS' BUDGETS
OF OUR PAPERS.

OF oDN
Very SyyC ct Things-BeIweeu the Acts-Pre-
pairing tor the yisit-The LeveI-Headed
Merchant, Etc, Etc.
PREPARING FOR IT.
Mr.. De StyIe-My dear, you know
this is Lent?
Mrs. De Style-Of course.
"And it is not the thing to go to the
theatre? ?"
"Certainly not"
''Nor the opera ?"
ono"
"Nor any other expensive place Of
amusement ?"
Exactly"
'And no one can complain if the diet
of the family is of the very simplest de-
scription p
"Of course notl but I know all this,
and am sure we have not made mis-
take in any of these ways. What are
you driving at, any how?'
81 was thinking, my dear, it would
be a good time to invite Uncle Jake's
family to leave the farm and make US a
visit. You know we must go there
again this summer. ."-Phila. Call
BETWEEN THE ACTS.
"Too bad had to go out to see that
ticket-seller about seats for next week,
he remarked to his new wife as he set
tied himself down after a trip down
stairs between acts. "The affair quite
slipped my mind as we came in. Were
you annoyed, my dear ?"
"Oh, no I didn't mindin the least,
thank you. I WAS quite busy working
out a mental problem" :"
"And what was that, love?"
"Why they call the front curtain the
drop"
81 see. Did you succeed?"
"Yes, I think 1 got the correct an
swer."
Sand that was'-----
"Because SO many men go out for
a drop when it is down, my dear. =
Detroit Journal.
SWEET THINGS.
''Sweet things are very bad for you,
dear" said fond mother to her 6-year
old boy, who had the end of fast wan
ing stick of candy in his mouth.
'And is sweet things bad for papa,
too ?" asked the innocent child, releas-
ing the stick from his mouth.
eyes" said the mother.
81 thought So" replied the boy, as
the last end of the stick disappeared.
"Why did you think so, my boy ?"
because he always goes out when
you begin to sing Sweet Violets.
If that boy lives he may manipulate
the bones some night. 7, Gas Sifti1gS.
WHERE THEY HAVE THE BEST OF US.
Life must be very pleasant in the
Congo. Instead of a man having to
rush home at l P. M. to give his wife
four hours time to prepare for the opera
and then wait another half hour on the
front steps uutil the two hundred and
odd forgotten things are found and ar
ranged, the Congo husband strolls home
q few minutes before the performance
begins and simply says, "Sarah, adjust
your hairpin. We will go to the opera. "
Pittsburgh Telegraph.
THE PROPHET.
''Go in there, Ell Mahdi," said the
doctor, who lived opposite the roller
skating rink, as he placed two-dollar-
bill in his wallet which he had just re-
ceived from skater for dressing his
scalp.
"El Mahdi p exclaimed the patient,
"why do you call the bill Ell Mahdi p
"Because it is the falls profit, you
know" replied the doctor, as he smil-
ingly showed the patient out.-Boston
Courier.
AN INTERNATIONAL EPISODE.
A German went into a restaurant, and,
Us he took his seat an Irish waiter came
up and bowed politely.
"Wie Geht's," said the German, also
bowling politely.
"Wheat cakes" shouted the waiter,
mistaking the salutation for an order.
"Nein, nein r said the German.
"Nine 2" said the waiter. 'You'l be
lucky if you get three. ~ y Sun.
OFF IT GOES.
Stolid proprietor of German restau.
rant to new waiter-Dot letter for you,
eh? You was der Baron Won Schinkel-
berg?
New waiter, meekly - Yes, Mein
Herr.
Stolid proprietor Den you wasn't no
reckular waiter, eh? Veil, dake dol
lar a week off your wages. s.-PUck.
WHAT SHE WANTED TO HEAR.
''And so you like the yarns we sea-
dogs spin?" asked the gallant young
mariner.
81 dote on them," the young lady
passionately responded.
"And what shall l tell you of the
doines of our salts ?" he tenderly asked.
'Oh, tell me how you luff she inno-
Gently ans wered. Pittsburgh Chronicle.
LEYLL-HEADED MERCHANT.
The merchant now devises
4 plan brisk trade to win;
He stragh way adyerlises
Aud rakes the shiekels in.