davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
DRESSMAKlNG IN COURT.
An Issue of Lively Interest to Dressmaker
and their Patrons.

An Issue of Lively Interest to Dressmakers
and their Patrons.
A recent case in one of the Liverpool
courts raised an issue of lively interest
to dressmakers and their customers the
world over. A lady refused to take a
dress which she had ordered to be
made. She complained that it was
"too short and too much padded :"
The dressmaker answered that it was
made in the latest style and so as to i'm
prove the appearance OF the customer S
figure. " Bodices," she or he explained
the report does not disclose whether
the dressmaker was a man or a woman
-" are now cut short in the hips, and
the padding was necessary on account
of the lady being deficient in the place
where the padding was placed" The
lady replied that she did not want her
figure " improved " by any such de-
vices.
At last the dressmaker insisted that,
in order to determine whether the gar
ment was a fit or misfit, it should be
tried on. Thereupon an adjournment
was ordered, and soon after the lady
appeared in court with the dress on.
After surveying it with a critical eye
the Judge suggested that ''surely the
fault of the bodice being too short
might be rrmedied by bringing the
dress higher up" but he evidently
overlooked the effect which this remedy
would very naturally have on the lower
end of the gown. It would be enter
tanning to know what view of the law
in case of this kind court would
take. But to all who are interested in
the question it must be q disappoint-
ment to learn that the suit was COM
promised and settled without judicial
decision.-N y. Herald.
An exchange says: at is now
time, before our dialects are quite
swept away by the schoolma am and the
the electromagnetic they are fast going
in the North-for our philosophical
society to enter upon \ systematic plan
for preserving the record of back coun-
try speech. Let us have lists of local
words and expressions actually heard
made out carefully for special localities
and let these be published and dis
tributed and comments solicited iron
other parts of the country, so that W,
may learn what is common among
common people all over the country,
what is peculiar to q section, and what
may be absolutely local to a coGntry."
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
WOULDN'T HAVE JUMPED.
A Tramp Who Couldn't See why the Crowd
Stared at Him.

A Tramp Who Couldn't See Why the Crowd
Stared at Him.
where's Senca Street ?" inquired
the tramp.
"lts"-but just then terrific gust of
wind came scurrying up the street
and before he knew it bowed the
tramp head over heels into the street.
With labored assistance he was picked
up and his hat placed on his head.
Then, noticing the crowd which had
assembled around him, comical look
of dignity and drunken wisdom came
over his bloated face, and he gravely
inquired of him who had materially
aided him to regain his feet:
"Sploz'nP"
"No," was the response
"(Hic) fire?"
"No."
"Earthquakep'
mo"
"Building fall down, ehP"
"No."
"Horzh run 'way?"
ono"
"Well," said he, with an air of gray
ity, 'f knew That Ohio -wouid n
jumped outer way like that" and he
staggered off down Seneca Street
Buffalo Courier.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
Waiting for Favorable weather.

Photographer Ito countryman)-How
would you like your picture taken in a
snow-Storm, like this one, for instance?
, Countryman docking at the picture)-
By thunder, mister, that's jest the thing.
Does it cost anything extry?
PhotOgrapher-No the price is the same.
Countryman enthusiastically We'll, sir
the very fust day it looks like snow, I'll
hitch up an come to town.-N Y. Sun.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

Miss Esmerelda LOngcoAin, one of the
most attractive bellies of Austin, said conf
dentially to her mother, who is poor but
virtuOus widow:
&" Old Judge Pennybunker proposed to
me last night. Shall tell him yes"
No, my daughter of course not. He is
too old for you. He is worth fly thousand
dollars. I'll have to be satisfied with him
myself, suppose. just let me attend to
him. "-TeCGS SifmgS.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
Mamma w as a Martyr

Mamma Was a Martyr.
''Pa," said Philadelphia lad, "what is q
martyr?"
ooh, don't bother me-"
''Ma, what is a martyr?"
'Why, my son, Pm a martyr"
"You martyr" exclaimed her husband.
Glow sop
''Why, this is the third winter rve worn
this bonnet, and I'm married to man too
mean to buy me another one. Chronicle
Herald.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

" Well, is crooked wood worth more than
straight wood?"
mo"
Well, I'll take mine straight. Come to
think of it, you are throwing in too many
chunks Of cavity and knots of space. Now
can furnish all the cavity and space 1
want Eve got enough now to last me all
winter"
The honest wood-hauler can not UNDER
stand why it is that man does not care to
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
He Wanted Wood.

A man who had engaged several cords of
wood OF farmer went out into the back
yard and saw shat the farmer was cording
it up with view of saving as much wood
rs possible.
Look here nay friead, what does This
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

Gail Hamilton says: The duties
of married life require the same quail
ties that the duties of unmarried life
require-generosity, truth, patience,
consideration, compromise, fidelity,
large heartedness.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
VIII.
Meeting with Poor Luck.

Meeting with Poor Luck.
Tramp Cat the back door)-Will you
please give me something 10 eat?
WOman--Not thing
Tramp-Nor nuthin' to drink?
Woman-Nor nuthn' to drink.
Tramp-NO cast-of clothes?
WOman--NOne.
Tramp-WelI, would you tell poor, UNI
fortunate man what time it ism Y.
Sun.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

Two tramps, one of them young man,
the other well advanced in life, had just
left house where they had been supplied
with bountiful dinner.
Il say, Bill" Queried the younger of the
two, ''where do you s'pose we'll get our
supper?'
The old tramp turned on him in disgust.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

Mr.. George Kingsley, of Plain Hill,
Conn, has an old-fash oned clock that
has stood in its corner in the house for
tifty.seven years and in that time has
aever been repaired. - Hartford Post.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

The InduIgent HUSBAND.
II have such an indulgent husband, said
little Mrs. Doll.
Eyes; so George says" responded Mrs.
Spiteful quietly, sometimes he INDUCES
too much, doesn't hep"
They no longer speak to each other.--
The Rambler.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

Here you've Just had your dinner" he
said, 'and you begin to wonder where
you'll get supper. If that's the kind of dis
position you've got, young feller, you had
better quit the profession and go to work"
Life.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19
Nacts for Families.

In order to cook your hare, you must al
ways first catch it.
1t is much easier to catch a cold than to
catch hare.
To get rid of cold, always use Red Star
Cough Cure.
To get Red Star Cough Cure, only re-
quires twenty-five cents.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

planned to his host that he was suffering
from terrible thirst by Jover' he de-
clared, addressing the assembled and
amused company. 'If had known how
Thirsty l should be when / awoke this
morning l should have drunk twice as
much last night. ~ Whitehall RevielU.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

SwEETMEATs-Sugar-c hams.-Pitts.
buTgh ChroaieLe- Telegraph.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-12-19

If you can not get ATHLoPHoRos of yom
d9Iggist, we will send it express paid, on re
ceipt OF regular priee-one dollar per bottle
We prefer that you buy it fromyour druggist
but If he hasn't it, do not be persuaded to try
something else, but order at once from u.s. a.
directed. ATHLoPHoRos Co., liz Wall Street
New York. -.-- --------. 49,. ----------- -
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1885-03-21
For Sale.
Attention, A. o. u. w !

Stated meetings Of HALEY Lodge, No. l. A. o. U.
W. are held every Monday evening, at S:OO o'clock
All visiting brethren cordially invited to at
tend.
ny order Of
THOMAS BELL, NJ. ".
HOMER L, POUND, Recorder.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1885-03-21
Final Notice.
A Bargain.
Notice..

second hand coal stove is for sale at bargain.
Apply atthe United States Land Office, Haley
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1885-03-21

To all whom it may concern:
Mr. H. White is my authorized agent during my
absence. +. H. ROWE,
HALEY SawInills.
HALEY, IDAHO, Feb. II, 1885.
Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1885-03-21
Carpet-Stretcher Lost,

A home made earpet-stretcher Of peculiar de.
sign, but the only one OF the kind in town, has
been mislaid by someone who borrowed it.
The finder will please return it to Rupert's drug
store. where it belongs.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
POETRY.
''FoT WOULD YoU TAKE !"

She was ready for bed and lay on my
arm,
In her little frilled cap SO fine,
With her golden hair falling out at the
Like circle of noon sunshine.
And hummed the old tune of "Ban-
bury Cross"
And Three Men who put to Sea,
When she sleepily said, as she closed
her blue eyes,
Papa. fot would you take for me 2''
And I answered "A dollar, dear little
heart,n
And she slept, baby weary with play !;
but held her warm in my love-strong
arms, ~
And rocked her and rocked away,
., the dollar meant all the world to me,
The land and the sea and sky,
sThe lowest depth of the lowest place,
The highest of all that s high.
The cities with streets and palaces,
Their pictures and stores of art,
| would not take for one low, soft throb,
OF my little ones loving heart,
Nor all the gold that was ever found
In the busy wealth-fnding past,
Would take for one smile of my darl.
ing's face,
Did know it must be the last.
So rocked my baby and rocked away,
And felt such sweet content,
For the words of the song expressed to
me more
Than they ever before had meant,
And the night crept on and I slept and
dreamed
OF things far too glad to be,
And wakened with lips saying close in
my ear,
Papa, fot would you take for me 20
IS. B. Mc1daals.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
A QUEER DUEL.

Old Col. S., of Wisconsin, was
an odd genius, a queer compound of
comic seriousness. Replete with
jokes, both original and selected, he
was not slow in hashing them up
and dealing them out in small doses
to different customers on different
occasions.
One evening, at party, young
gentleman, upon whom the colonel
had told some joke, feeling himself
insulted, challenged the colonel to
mortal combat.
The challenge was accepted.
Having the choice of weapons and
the appointing of the place of meet.
ing the colonel told the young man
to repair. the following morning at
six o'clock to certain spot, and
added, "that he would see that the
weapons were there"
The following morning, atthe indi-
Gated time, the young man repaired
to the appointed spot-said spot be-
ing among the lead mines, was nat
urally furrowed with mineral holes.
"well, youngster," said the CO.
lionel, sticking his hand in his peck
cts, and ejecting superfiuous guam
tity of tobacco juice from his capa.
cious mouth, are you ready 7"
Receiving an affirmative answer,
he continued
Here's where we are to fight" in
dicating a mineral shaft near by,
which was at least sixty feet deep,
and here's our Weapons" pointing
to a pile of rocks: You're to 60
down and throw rocks up, and I'm
to stay up and throw rocks down."
1t is needless to add that the chal
lenge was Withdrawn.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
INDIAN WIT.

A half naked Indian was looking
on at some workmen in the employ
ment Of Gov. Dudley, of Massachu-
sets.
"Why don't you work and get
yourself some clothes ~ asked the
governor.
"Why don't you work 7" retorted
the son of the forest.
al work head work, . said Dudley,
pointing to his head.
The Indian said he was willing to
work, and agreed to kill a calf for
the governor. Having done so, he
came for his pay.
"But," said the governor, "you
have not dressed the calf.r
"No,r said the Indian, ~ was to
have a shilling for killing him. Am
he not dead, governor"
Finding himself outwitted, the
governor gave him another shilling
for dressiDgit. TWAS not long before
the Indian came back demanding a
good shilling in place Of Che bad one
which he claimed the governor had
paid him. The governor paid him
another. Returning another time
with still another brass piece to be
changed, the governor, convinced OF
his knayery, offered him halfcrown
If he would deliver letter for him.
The letter was directed 10 the keep
or Of the prison, and ordered hin. to
give the bearer a certain number of
lashes.
The Indian suspecting that all was
not right, and meeting servant OF
the governor. induced him to take
the letter to its address. The result
OF the Indians stratagem was that a
severe whipping was administered
to the unfortunate servant. The
governor was greatly chagrined at
being a second time ontwitted by
the Indian. On falling in with him
some time after, he accos ted him
with some severity, asking him how
be had dared to cheat and deceive
him so many times.
"Head work, governor, head
work. was the reply.
Pleased at the fellows wit and an.
dacity, the governor freely forgaye
him.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
NO. 30.
A CLERKS CAROL.

With my trusty shears in hand,
All the livelong day stand:
Every lady's small command
Ne employs.
When I'm not ON the mash y
! am cutting of sash,
Or vociferating cash ~
At the boys.
When q lady comes to call,
Iaddress her with a drawl,
-. And I say, "Will that be all ?"
Mild aud meek.
! induStriously strive,
And very fairly thrive,
For ! capture dollars five
ofo Ev'ry week.
But when evening shades the vale,
Then I very seldom fail
- In borrowed swallow-tail.
~. To disport.
By my proud distingue air
! might be q millionaire
In the waltz with daknsels fair
ca~ort.
| appear. I'm sure, as well
As the very richest swell,
And my status none can tell
Is hoax.
To some faded passe belle
Ny affections ! will tell,
Then I'll marry her and dwell
With her folks.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

A buxom country girl rode into
Carlisle, Pa, the other day, wearing
. unty-looking hat Of strictly do
nestle manufacture. It was made
wholly out Of cat straw and corn
shucks that grew upon her fathers
farm, and was trimmed with chick
ems feathers dyed in pokeberry Juice
and blue writing fluid. She created
8 sensation.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
Like an old creaky Window Shutter

That is the way a mans rheumatic
joints sometimes are. Hinges old, rusty,
and worn, and badly need oiling. The
trouble is in the blood. A man who is of
any account is worth repairing. The re-
pairing can be done by means Of Brown 3
Iron Bitters. That enriches and purifies
the blood, drives out the pains, and
works complete restoration. Thousands
testify TO IL from happy experience. Mr..
Q. II. Huntley, 916 North Sixteen st., st.
Louis, says. / used Browns Iron Bit,
hers for rheumatism, general debility
and prostration, with the best results.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

won't yon have another piece Of
pie, Mr.. Featherly ~ asked Bobby,
Hospitality. His mother was enter
tanning few friends at dinner and
the dessert was being discussed.
/" Thanks, Bobby, /" Featherly replied,
laughingly; @since you are SO polite
about it, / believe / win take q small
piece more" "All right said Bob
by. g Now, ma, remember your
promise. You said if it was neces-
sary to cut into the second pie /
could have two pieces.n
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
WANTS HIN TO DECIDE.

/ wish he would decide. mamma,
wish he would decide
I've been bridesmaid twenty times
When shall be bride
My cousin Annie, my sister Fan,
The nuptial knot have tied
Yet come what will, I'm single still
wish he would decide.
He takes me to the play, mamma,
He brings me pretty books,
He woos me with his eyes, mamma,
Such speechless things he looks !
Where ser roam-ahroad, at home
He fingers by my side,
Yet come what will. I'm single still
/ wish be would decide.
I throw out many hints, mamma,
Ispeak of other beaux,
l talk about domestic life
And sing, g They donf propose !"
And ali how vain each piteous strain
His wavering heart to guide
Do what will I'm single still
wish he would decide.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

g Pa, does the sausage come out OF
its hole on CandIemas day and look
around for its shadow SO as to make
an early spring. Ma says it does.
aWhat are yen talking about ~ said
the pa to his little boy. 1T is the
ground hog that comes out or it's
hole, not the sausage sWelI, amt
sausage ground hog r. and the little
one went off on his roller skates as
though shot out Of a gun, leaving
the old man to worry over the incip.
ientpunster in an otherwise respect
able family.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

Near Billmyer's Mill. December, 1884.
MEssRs. FRAZER & BISHOP:
After having used your Phosphate upon our
wheat for the past three years. and 1t having
done equally as well ashigher-pricedf fertilizer
by the side of it, we concluded 10 try 1t upon
our corn. Last spring we bought one ton from
your agent, Mr. Schley, and used one of Hoos-
ier's celebrated corn planters. We have gath
cred our corn, and have had magnificent
yield-an average of 20 bushels per acre. We
are satisfied with our investment, and take
pleasure In recommending your goods as being
sn honest preparation.
Respectfully, A. w. RANDALL,
JOSEPH RANDALL.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
Near Shepherdstown, w. Va, Dec. 1884.

Near shepherdstown, w. Va. Dec. 1884.
MEssRs. FRAZER q BISHOP
have used your Phosphate upon my wheat
for three years. and this is my second year for
using IL upon my corn. 1t has given me good
results upon both crops. feel well compen-
stated by my investment. l bought one of
Holsters Corn Planters from your agent. Mr..
Schley. and drilled the phosphate along with
the corn. / could bee the greatest difference
as to the maturing and quality of the corn
My field was an old sod. The use of phosphate.
am confident, prevented the worms from
working upon the corn.
Respectfully, W. II. BYERS.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

SYou say, Mr.. Simpkins, you
want to marry r observed Miss De
Silva. 9 Yaas; I want to find the
richest and prettiest woman in the
world. who win marry me for love.
Can you tell me where to ind herfn
e Indeed, I cant, = replied the young
lady. Ny acquaintance with in
sane asylums Is very slight
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04

The best Salve in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores. Tetter, Chapped Hands, Chilblains,
Corns, and all Skin Eruptions, and posi-
lively cures Piles, or no pay required
It is guaranteed to give perfect satisfac-
ton, or money refunded. Price 25c. per
box. For sale by E. C. Williams 4 Bro.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
Miscellaneous.
Twin Foes to Life

Are Indigestion aud Constipation
Their primary symptoms are among the
most distressing OF minor human ailments.
and a host OF diseases, speedily resultant
from them, mutually aggraysic each other
and assail ut once the whole machinery
Of life. Nausea, Foul Breath. Sour
Stomach, Dizziness, Headaches,
Bilious Fever, Janndice. Dyspepsia,
Kidney Diseases, Piles, determinations,
Neuralgia, Dropsy, and varioas Skin
Disorders, are among the symptoms
and Maladies caused BIZ dcranl;cmcnt OF
of the stomach and bowels.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
Miscellaneous.
OLD FAMILY GROCERY,
STILL AHEAD!

Having enlarged my storeroom, have
concluded to keep in addition to groceries.
stock of
DRY GOODS AND NOTIONS,
such as Muslins, Ginghams, Flannels, &c.
FAMILY GROCERIES of all kinds, Sugar,
Coffee, Tea, Flour, Hams, Molasses, Coal
Oil, Tobacco, Cigars, at lowest prices. I
call especial attention to my Irvine Bit
ters and Elderberry Tonics," both
homemade and used as appetizers in sick
ness. Keep also large stock of
OLD HOMEMADE WINES,
Grape, Blackberry, Currant, Wild Cher.
ry, &c. Also Coal and Wood.
a. Pure Grape Juice for Communion
purposes. With thanks for past patron
age, Isolidit d share in the future.
JOHN SNODEAL,
Winchester Pike. Martinshurp.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-04-04
scrabble, BERKELEY Co, W. Va

MEssRs. FRAZER & BISHOP:
Gentlemen-I have used one-half ton your
Fertilizer my corn at the rate of so lbs. to the
acre--sowed it by dropper on the poorest
ground have on my farm. The result was
perfectly satisfactory, and really believe If
had not used 1t 1 would have raised hardly any
thing; as 1t was. raised twice as much as my
neighbor on the opposite side of the road. II
matured early and l had good crop. cheer
fully recommend it to my friends
Respectfully. JOHN w. HOILIDA.