The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-05-14
+ WIT AND HUMOR. essenE

The pnns prehistoric we vented in wild mood.
ana ancient conundrums so feeble and few!
work us
High up to that pitch where the briny tears
well,
When we hear from the lips of the clown at
the circus
: The crutch-ridden chestnut we all love to
tell
The moss-covered chestnuts, the mildewed
And Jokes that were aged before Adam fell.
The four Senators from South Caro-
lima and Arkansas have only five legs
under them.
Two men in Kentucky killed each
other in quarrel about a dog, but the
animal was unhurt. Yet some people
don't believe that dogs ever laugh.
Last December little George saw
snowstorm for the first time. ''Mam-
ma, mammal he called out from the
window, '.bring pan. It's raining
popcorn"
Don't be afraid'' said snob to
German laborer ''Sit down and make
yourself my equal" 81 would haff to
blow my brains out" was the reply Of
the Teuton. Yonkers Statesman.
"a baby only year old and weigh
ing eighty pounds is attracting consid-
cradle attention at Norwalk, Conn"
We should think it would require con-
siderable attention, too.-Nes0 York
Graphic.
A New York publisher has brought
out an anonymous poem, and offers
600 to the person guessing its au-
thorship. If it makes century rhyme
with gridiron it is probably Walt Whit
man.-Phiiadetphid Call
A Boston firm has published a book
entitled Sixty Poets on the Wheel"
1t is q great pity the wheel didn't
break down while running at the rate
of twenty miles an hour and convert
the writer's into fall poets. -NorTistoson
Herald.
Trips to Europe are taken for pleas
ure, business, cure of broken-down
systems, ministerial sore throats, and
all sorts of reasons, but the latest is
that of a Wallingford man, VINO hopes
to get rid of boils. - Hartford (Ct.)
Times.
The Chief Engineer of the Croton
AQueduct reports that 10000, 900 gal
Ions of water are wasted in New York
every day. Thus do we arrive at the
fact that men. as a rule, neglect the
WdkCl Which, tuO tCHuCk POulS Oul
for them.-Puck.
1t is said that New York horse re-
Gently stole three pies from bakers
wagon and ate them. What! ate three
pies-baker's pies? o, no, there must
be some mistake about this. 1t could
mt have been horse; it must have
been donkey.-Boston Transcript.
The colored people of Boston who
are indignant over their exclusion from
the skating-rinks should accept the
exclusion as blessing slightly disguis-
ed. They won't have SO many falls,
and will be spared the necessity of
mingling with Objectionable white
folks.
s.How Love Is Made in Persia" is
the title of q recent article. 1t is prob
ably made there of the same compo-
nent parts as here, that is, millionaire's
daughter one part, impecunious noble
man one part, desire for title forty
nine parts, desire for wealth forty-nine
parts. Mix. Boston Post.
Professor in medieval history, read
ing from some old authorities, says:
sit was no uncommon thing for Char
lemagne to eat at one meal, beside
bread and wine, peacock, large roasts
of pork, several ducks, geese, and a
hare. A man on the back seat NUT
ters: Lucky to get only one hair in
all that"
81 told Jones what thought of him
the other day and L could see that he
didn't like it. He couldn't conceal
his feelings from me. l saw he was
mad right off, said Brown. at does
mt take you long to see through
man" observed Smith admiringiy.
..What did he do?" He kicked me
down stairs"
Said the good-natured Rev. DIR. Rob-
tnson, as he stood looking over the new
books one day, II see you have
Schem's Statistics of the World.
Have you Hams Travels in the Del
ngeP" No" responded the book
seller, ''but we can accommodate you
with Japhet in Search of Father.''
Christian bttettigencer.
On Monday three venerable gentle
men of this city met ON State street
who were born in Boston in the years
1900. 1903 and 1904. The three in
their youth attended Master Stamford
school. That they are of the genuine
Boston stock may be inferred when we
state that the fathers and grandfathers
of the three were born in Boston.
ton Jsatrnai.
At Cedar Key the other evening
Thomas A. Edison was watching the
phosphorescence on the water, and a
group of darkies near by were also
wondering at the strange spectacle.
s'What am dat, Sam?' asked one.
'.DatP' was the reply; ''g'way, mig
gah; dom you know? It's dat light
min man am glib each one dem fish a
'lectric lamp!n
'If l was dead and gone and you had
another wife you'd find out how gentle
and forgiving and patient I've been
you'd see then how I've endured and
put up with things" you've no i'm
mediate attention of giving me this op-
portunity9" ''No. sir; l hope I'm a
Christian as we'll as martyr. and I've
too much sympathy for the other wo-
man."
Prominent Kentuckian-The Mexi-
can mission! Bah! l would not take
it offered to me on silver salver. l
want some nice fat office nearer home.
Friend-But what is the matter with
the Mexican mission? at has no liv-
ing salary Nonsense! The salary
is $12. 600 year." ''Well, suppose it
is. Whisky down there is IS cents a
dri~L -
Colonel Bottleham, the man whose
newspaper does so much toward shap-
ing the political sentiment of the South,
entered his Office the other morning
and asked if the editor had come. mo,
SIR" the bookkeeper replied; ave
have just received word that he is
dead" ''Why, confound his picture,
he promised to be down early this
morning and write an article about the
wonderful growth of our circulation. l
am tired of fooling with untrustworthy
men, and hereafter / shall edit the pa
Per myself. Dead, indeedr r'-Arkan-
sasO Trareler.
At Fort Bayard for long time there
lay an old spiked cannon which had
been rendered useless for some reason
or another. The Apache chief of that
district fell in love with that cannon.
He used to come every day and beg
the commandant to give it to him. At