Daily Republican., 1885-05-21
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

olb huu lOu WClO bitbihk III LILO uThW
ing room, and she was sleepy. What
time is IL ? she asked. He looked at
his watch, and replied that it lacked
five minutes of eleven, and just then
being struck with an idea, he asked
Why is my watch like you my pet ?"
9" don't know" Because 1t is pretty"
he replied. "Apd why IL my watch
like you ?" she asked. /" 1 don't know
I'm sure, Why il your watch like me,
my dear ." Because il won't ge," she
replied, with yawn. Then the young
man went home.
Hubby, dear, hope | don't in
trude?" "Well, you know | am i'm
mersed in study, but never mind, as
y u have come, just oblige me by look
| ing up Hamlet in that big volume
yonder. l want q reference. Wife
Cunning over the leaves) Hamlet
Hamlet isn't here, love-" Good gra.
cious wherever are you looking"
Wife (slightly hurD. Why, where
do you think? In the directory, OF
courseW
Notes from the diary of lady. First
day: On the high seas, stormy weather;
ulsagi eeable company. SecOud baJ ::
| Captain very auiiable, maize u 1t cara
| ton of love and offered nae his mart
| and hand, rel, cred. Third day: Captain
| returns to the char ,-, ttrtat-ns - KIN
me, commit u,c ue. and threat ms TO
| blow up the whole weasel VIII 800 per
sons, rejected. Fourth day Saved the
lives of 800 persons.
A man lost his hat in well, and
was let down by rope 10 r cover it;
but the well being deep, and extremely
dark withal, his courage failed him
before be reached the water. In vain
hid he call ont TO hose above to pull
him up; they lent deaf ear to all he
said, Till, at last, quite In despair, he
Dtlowd out: "Ii you don't draw Inc
NJ, sure I'll cut the rope
Dear Jamie-An old woman unable
to read, on receiving letter from her
absent son, asked n friend to read it 70
her. The writing was so bad that the
friend, hardly able to make it out, read
stammeringly. Dear moth mother
IL I-ta-take--" Whereupon the
: old woman cried out gleeiully Its
> from dear Jamie. sure enough He al
ways suffered"
Aunt Jane, is 1t quite true that a
lady may ask a gentleman to marry
her, If it is leap year % Eyes, ms
dear, it 10 quite True" But II h'
' doesn't want to marry h"r, Aunt Jane
) what must he do then 2" " He mus
ri give her new black silk dress, III.
= dear, and then she understands. oh
Aunt Jane-Aunt Jane, now | know
why you haze 30 many black sill
= dresses -
Fl A pretentious young yachtsman, VIII
:. was boasting of his marine experience
a said to his uncle: You landsme
y who always stay on shore know moth
ing about squalls" To which the oil
man grimly replied I'VE don't, oh
o Let me tell you, young man, that Nv
got lite grand baby that can give 20
&c points about squalls every day OF you
Is life!'
r Dramatic author: Sir, you sal
you would give me to day your opinio
ON my new piece. May now ask 20
= to do so?" Manager: Youought, i
my opinion, TO make some tritiing altel
II atoms" /" If you would kindly tie
B. me-" Leave the title--ths
lel couldn't be bt tter--and remodel the res
but thoroughly, mind you"
,ol Who is your family physician
a George" "Dr. Sr oothman;" "Wha
al Why do you employ that hare braine
~ creature ?" Oh, my wife once askf
. | MIN II ne coulu ttIl NIX W ~ SIG aiWhs
y. had cold fert, and he old her they we
10 small they doul, MT hold bloc
nj alo"sh 20 ke:I them w.rm. Sin
- hat SIZE WON'T have Sly o her doctor
lyl Landlord Have you ANY fan
,isI ly ." Intending lodger q No
neI Landlord THAT'S right for don
let my rooms to dodgers with families
Intending lodger "Have you fan
er ly p" Landlord: " Yes, four children
IL Intending lodger Sorry TO hear
.lyl for never take apartments with LIANT
r., lords who have families.
y, At a grand dinner very needle
- gentleman who talks great deal forge
that his neighbor, young lady, is u
usually tall and cries out. g do n
,lyl like big women 20 The lady bites b
he lip the gentleman sees he has made
he biunder, and, to repair 1t as gallant
a az possible, he adds; when they a
ndl young, madam -
!" Clara Henry is SO awful crt
(sob), he is getting worse and wol
every day (sOb). What doyon suppt
a he told me just now? He told m
I IA must get rid of cook ; he couldn't sta
rs. h, cooking any longer (sob). And
lbs knows she hasn't done one bit of coo
nat ing for fortnight, and that have dc
, "A IT all myself -
And you will not be mine unit
have become renowned 2" Not III
10 hon." That's easy enough.
per tell me, in what profession would J
yer like to have me distinguish myself
OF "Oh any-any at alias life 10
the ex plorer in Africa, for instance"
A prudent master advises his servi
to put his money by for rainy d
500 In few weeks his mastar iDqui
how much of his wages he had saw
''' -" Faith, none at all. " said he.
sen as you bid me: 1t rained yesterday
Inc took drop and it all went"
vn-
tha