Milford chronicle., 1885-03-20
WIVES MADE 10 BE USEFUL.

peino anxious to discuss how much the
cbjId1en knew he asked girl OF about
@vVbat ia requisite in order that you
can obtain remission OF sins
ssI must first of all commit sin, was
the reply. ala not
question the girls any more. he, now
ever tackled the boys class.
He asked Tommy Dexter, a son OF
Judge Dexter: "a,
"Why did God create Eve
Tommy hesitated. go,
''Why did God give your iatner
/ wife ?" ,t
reply. =,
Gan know is that when pa puts on
a clean shirt and there is a button gone,
he saws what in the world have l got
a wife for if she don't sew buttons on
nv shirt 2 ?'"-Ierds Strings.
TEcUMsEH AND THE APACHE.
At Fort Bayard for long time there
lay an old spiked cannon, which had
been rendered useless for some reason or
another. The Apache chief OF tnat ols-
triet fell in love with that cannon. he
used TO come every day and beg the
commandant to give it to him. Az
length Gen. SiiSzInIl'-Egg-i, ] naai',- = s's
coming. and the officer told the Apache
tbat he must ask him for it. He did.
The General looked at it, saw 1t was no
use. and presented it to him.
'I am afraid" said the General, with
mild iocosity, ''you want the cannon SO
that vou can turn it on my soldiers ana
kill them.
"Umph no. Cannon kill cowboys.
Kill soldiers-club.
The General was sorry he spoke
San Francisco Chronicle.
list AS IT WAS IN WAR TIME.
/ Two laborers we're toasting bread at
fre which had been made at place
: vbere A repair was necessary. Each
:; niece of bread was held at the end OF q
: long stick, the flames playing all around
g "Ah." said one, "this moinds me OF
: the war. Don't ye remember, Pat, now
Q we used to hold our bread and mate over
It The fire on our ranrods and on sthlcks,
r and how nice they tasted
"Thrue enough, " said the other, we
q did SO. Mike, and do ye remember now
n sometime sl,rr it dropped of, and we lost
), our dinners ?" ,,.. -.
/, having become very crisp and dry, oroKe, /,
+ and fell into the Goals. 'Yere ugnt,
L replied he. "I've lost my dinner. It's
= "a it was in the war. IN r Si''''
IN Ar TOOK THE HINT.
. "Georos "a country young lady
to her bean as tfrsU lIgged INTO a : seas' ~,
s ''it's nice to ride on the cas-, ant II
a. Eyes, Sarah. it.ss.i,As;
" long wavs on the cars where would
{, you rather go :? whA-o
would you rather go
"To Florida, by all means.
"Why2"
"Be.because. You know, George, be-
cause-because in Florida they have SC
q, many orange blossoms, you know.
I- on the return trip they sat still closer
y together. and she laid her pretty head
lg mon his big shoulder. He must hays
taken the hint Chicago Herald.
he AMERICAN HUMoR.
no "And now. Mr.. FreshtOn," said the
Is Professor. in a suave and encouraging
DIV tome chow would you define humor-l
on wonld suggest more particularly Amer
er. ican humor ?" "Well, sir, replied th'
Z" Commemorative of '88, after several MN
rot ntes had been employed in seemingl.
nt. nrofonnd reflection, 81 think eoul'
nd hest define it by an example" you
tie example. then," gently urged the Pro
i've lessor: Git will evidence your compre
g." hensive knowledge Of the subject; pro
lea ceed." !" "Well, replied the youth, ="
we man sat upon a keg of powder; ne wa
ct absorbed in deep reflection, and mad
c;gar in his mouth. They picked y
ent one button" Freshton passed. -Act
The ColunabiGnd.
M TAKING THEIR TINE.
est Mrs. Snobberly, whose husband mad
ian a great deal of money very suddenly o
aid a rise in oil, puts on great deal
tile stvIe. At a recent banquet, at her nous
r. IN Fifth avenue, New York, she hire
to Herr Baenkelsaenger, a celebrated vi
lat Iinist for the evening. His first pee
lee. was the Swedish Wedding Marcl
he which is very slow. :,
After listening for few moments, O.
his Snobberly became very indignant al
lng said in a very audible tone OF voice
"Tben musicians are Just Ike
the other loafers. When they are paid
life the lob, you bet they take their time
for il" Teras SJtiHgs.
WICKED EDITOR.
md Trate snbscriber-'I want to see L
Ies lI fellow who wrote that article.
~ Z Western Office Boy-"Must be
~ the editor, guess.
$50 I suppose. Where is heP VINE
is he, say ??
t'Ie's not In"
"Oh. he amt in, amt heP Amt
lade eh? Well, where is he
,cob .sHe's attendin' the funeral OF m
;te5 what called to see him on Monday. d
may PhiLo. Call.
New THE OLD JOKE ON CHICAGO.
ican Washington Girl (to her cousin wit
lple, she 4 visiting in Chicago)-Wno
the those men, Belle, coming toward
4 at house with surveying instruments
Q as their hands?
d to Chicago Girl-Oh, ordered pan
900. shoes the other day and they are
rt in shoemaker and his assistants coming
An take nv measure. - Washington ~.
o OF Hatchet.
last ALWAYS THE WAY WITH THE FIRST
anto tIts a boy r young Mr.. Happi'
ainst claofnilv shonted. as he rushed in
II OF ssienlej sTi a ten-3olIar note down on
their bank counter; ''the daisiest little fel
mas ever saw. Here, just put this
early dep. sit in his name, will you2 I'm
leirs, ing to add to it every year and call it
was fresh heir fund"
Itisaf to be that way with the 4
Boston Journal
omen WHAT SEE oANro. ~.
petit Fashionable Wile-"Dld You no,
}, are dear, at the part lasL evening,