The Columbus journal., 1885-10-07
UP WITH THE DENTIST.

UP WITH THE DENTIST.
Lively Impressions Attsnding the Ei-ss
Use Of Gas.
With eleven teeth had I parted with
out the aid of an,esthetics. UncOnti-
tionally 1 surrendered them to tho
dentist, who was willing to receive them
for consideration. Atwelfth must 90.
As I took the chair Of torture. 1 10
marked that it was . four footed nolar
and would hurt
Take gas" suggested the dentist.
"What is gass"
Nitrogen monoxide. the best anes-
thetic known. 1t is harmless and serves
we'll"
''l'H take it; give me enough"
The dentist brought forth . rubber
bag. the wooden muzzle Of which hs
thrust into my mouth.
With . bound sprang into the cir. I
attempted to fssten my hold upon some
thing. but everything gave wsy-even =
giant elm came up BY the roots. 1real-
lied that had but n few minutes to
live. All my fliends-I saw every one
were watching me. My deeds, gUod
and bad, fled past me. l will not say
which formed the longer procession. A
man TO whom l had given . pewter
quarter asked me how liked it, and.
said he knew that would come to It.
Now was going upward. and when
l had reached n great height l swOoped
down like bird of prey and dashed
through a wall of solid masonry-juss
one hundred feet thick by actual meas
urement. A dozen times l scared alOft
and IS many times sailed down. When
l descended all the stone fences. cob
bles, bowlders and trees ran to meet me.
l hit them all. Now l was ascending
again. but in q different manner. 4
balloon. h.iles in circumference was
bearing me upward. l clung to its
lower part with my teeth. My hands
were in my pockets. for the air was
chilly. Above me was the balloon car.
and Cat of it leaned man resembling
the dentist. In his hand he held an i'm
mense pair of tongs. He regarded me
with evident displeasure.
We were rising ut . fearful rate of
speed--sO fast, indeed. that could not
shut my eyes. The wind blew the lids
open and held them back. At last the
man in the car said: '.Now I'll pull
that tooth; you must cling with your
nose while pull" Iobeyed, knowing
that was in his power. The tooth came
out on the end Of the tongs. and was
placed in the car. Soon after heard
tumuit IN the ;car above. The dentist
Appeared and shook his clinched hand
at me and shouted: ''ConfOund your old
tooth! 1t is growing so fast that it will
crowd me out. Pretty fellow. you are.
to shell such q mOnstrOus mOlar." I
thought this was very unkind. I had
not asked him to pull the tooth. and
how could be responsible for its size?
Again the dentist appeared and cried
in great wrath: Il shall throw 1t over
board-look OUT" 1t did not hit me.
saw as it whizzed by that it was many
times larger than the Capitol building
at Washington. l hoped that none Of
my friends were standing where it
would fall upon the earth. We were
now near the sun and approaching
nearer at lightning speed. The dentist
sat on the edge Of the car. dangled his
leg and smoked. He had the impudence
to ask me why I did not smoke. TWAS
80 warm from proximity to the sun that
l decided to 60 no further. l relin-
pushed my hold and shouted: Good
BY. old jaw-breaker." Quick Is
thought, insulted, indignant, the den
tist rushed for his tongs. '.I'n pull
them ALL" he said. and as I fell the
tongs heightened and gave chase. but
could not overtake me.
After falling all day and all night, l
came near the earth early in the morn
ing. As l flew downward . gilded
weather-cOck on . church steeple
crowed. considered this offensive. and
by some unknown agency arrested my
fight, and went back to the weather
cock and demanded to know what he
meant by it. He crOwed the louder.
This was too great an insult. flew ut
him. when. presto. he began to crow
louder. and to grow larger. Twas on
the earth now. fleeing from q monster
cock. The church and steeple were still
attached to him, but he had become 80
much larger that they were no impedi-
ment. demonstrated with him, but
his only reply was blow from the, foot
that held the church and steeple. He
was on the point Of dancing hornpipe
on my stomach, when emerged into
new world in time to hear tho dentist
say: There it isr' at the same time
holding up tooth. did you know
when | pulled it?" "Yes, l saw you
and your tongs pulling, but felt it not.
You were q great while about it. How
long have been here?" The dentist
consulted his timepiece. Zone minute
and twenty seconds. ."-EUery Otter