The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-12-31
HUMOR.


while pursuing q tramp who had
raided his samples.
WHAT season of the year is most in
need of handkerchief? Winter
when il blows it SHOWS.
CONFINEMENT is more to be desired
than horse that can "go 1t In two
minutes. Chicago Ledger.
THE Gar travels with fifteen trunks.
But then the Gar Is the only man IN
the world who could send a baggage
smasher to Siberia.
A PROMINENT mathematician's wife
has presented him with pair OF twins.
He has now attained the full sum OF
human happiness, with two to carry.
EVERY man is the architect of his
own fortune" but most men are too
clumsy to plan hen-coop, to say moth
ing of building fortune.
SHE SAYS before she was Mrs.
She knew not whnt domestic blrs;
Says tbs not well
Alone to dwell
In such weary world as thrs
ASTRONOMY, the Oldest of the sci
ences, is said to have originated over
1000 years ago in Babylon, and the
astronomers are still bablin' about it,
Maverick.
THE yAssAR GIRLS DRILLING.
Hark that sound tbs the bugle's blare
And the roll of the mastering drum;
Now hear the call: Attention, there
Remove your chewing gum
Forward march come, girls. no FRANKS
Keep step there, II you please.
BE still no talking in the ranks
Right shoulder shif-chemiseT
Boston Courier.
PROFESSOR OF Sup
pose you were called to patient who
had swallowed heavy dose of oxalic
acid, what would you administers"
Jones (who is preparing for the pulpit.
and who only takes chemistry because
it is obligatory 81 would administer
the sacrament"
SAND so your husband has deserted
you Mrs. Gibbs ?" "Yes, it seems SO.
At least the rascal has run Off. What
are you going to do about it? Will
YOU get a divorce?" "Not by q right
smart 1 won't. I'll get cowhide, and
then / want to see the shiftless vaga-
bond undertake to sneak back again. -
Chicago Ledger.
"Now, JOHN" said the keeper of the
cigar store at closing up time to his
boy, stake the Indian figure from the
door and lay it down behind the count
er." Hadn't we better let it stand be-
hind the counter?" said Jonn. why
SOP" asked the employer. Because
figures never lie, you know."-Boston
| Courier.
UPON making al excavation at Rome,
workmen came upon o statue in
bronze, five feet five inches in height,
representing a man in the attitude of
striking. 1t is supposed to have been
the body of hghtningrod peddler
menacing an old farmer who refused
to have forty-seven diamond-pointed
lightning rods put on his barn.-Nor-
risto,C1 Herald.
COULEUR DE ROSE.
With Rose walked at even time
In silence down sweet, shady ways;
The village bells were all i'll chime,
And life took on. beneath her gaze
Couleur de rose.
A dainty red was on her cheek
Her very smile witchery;
| There seemed pressing need to speak
OF what made everything to me
Couleur de rose.
But better far than words. stole
sudden kiss, where bushes lay
Ye gods the blush had played its role,
And on my lips bore away
Coueur de rosel
Richard Z. Burton
A WEALTHY Dallas lady, just coming
from church, was accosted by ragged
urchin, who begged her for dime.
"And what would you do with the dime
if l gave you one?" asked the lady.
please, ma'am, I'd buy bread" re-
piled the lad. Poor child" piously
observed the lady, "you know not that
man liveth not by bread alone. / have
no dime with me, but if you will come
to my house I'll give you couple of
tracts written expressly for little boys
on the awfulness of gluttony. "-Teras
Siftings.
Il WANT to go home," said bright
eyed 4-year-old to his teacher at the
kindergarten school 1t was not yet 10
o'clock. and the teacher was prompted
to ask: what for?" my lunch is
ready" said the youngster. 40, I
guess not, at this time of day." re-
marked the teacher. "You don't know
when we have lunch at our house-my
lunch is always ready" came the tell
ing response, when all arguments were
declared closed. He had won his case
and was shortly thereafter attacking
pies'n things in mammals pantry
Napa (CaL Register.