The Central Nevadan. [volume] (Battle Mountain, Nev.) 1885-1907, 1885-07-25

"Young gentlemen" said the lee
turer in chemistry, "coal exposed to
the elements loses ten per cent. OF its
weight and heating power. This is
due to the action Of the alkali constit-
uents Of"
"But what ifthere is dog sleeping
near the coal, Professor"
"None of your levity, young man.
This Is serious matter"
"That's what dad thought when
seventy-two per cent. of his coal pile
disappeared during three nights OF
exposure. Then he asked my advice
as student in chemistry, and | told
him to buy a dog. He bought dog,
with bav-window teeth and the string
halt in his upper lip, and now We
don't lose one per cent. OF our coal a
month. That's the kind OF practi
cal chemist | am. Now go on with
your theory"
Yes, yea, my son, ! know. Sun
day scnool lemonade is awiully thin.
But then it isn't half SO thin as the
Jokes that are made about it. That
way out, please. Straight to the right,
m nd the step, it's rather dark. All.
there he goes down the elevator wei.
Another good humorist gone wrong.
az am going to bring home some
table sauce from down town."
"Judging from your uncomplimen.
tary remarks at meals | should say
that such a proceeding would be no
novelty"
"Well, want it bottled"
$50 do l."
1.-THE more you fill barrel, tho
more it will weigh" said the teacher.
please, ma'am, is they any ex-
ception ter this rule?" asked an
urchin.
"None whatever. Everything you
put in the barrel adds weight to IT,"
II know an exception" broke in
Bobby Sharp.
II guess not. What it it ?"
"Well, ma'am, the more holes you
put in a barrel, the lighter it gets"
"Sweet things are very bad for you
dear" said fond mother to he,
little 6-year old boy, who had the end
oi fast waning stick oi candy in his
mouth.
"And is sweet things bad for papa.
toof' ked the innocent child, re.
leasirg tho siirk from his mouth ioi
only an instant.
"Yes," said the mother.
"l thought so, replied the boy. M
the last end OF the stiek disappeared.
"Why did you think 70, my boy ?'
Because he always goes out when
You begin TO sing Sweet Violets. Z"
Ii that hoy lives he may manipulate
the bones some night.
Mistress-'I wish you to do some
sweeping to day"
Maid--"To-morrow is my day off,
mum, and | never lets myself gel
tired the day before, because then ]
can't take no enjoyment when gets
out, num-"
"Oh, we'll, do it day after to-mor
row, them"
1.-The day after bein' out | am alleri
tired, mum"
After the marriage OF Miss Lillian
Sn;ggs, of Dallas, the bridal party
partook OF IL snmptuous banquet,
toward the end of which a younger
brother OF the bride got IN, and said
solemnly, raising his glass:
Ladies and gentlemen. | have to
propose a toast, which, however
must be drunk standing. Please take
your glasses and rise up"
The guests. although somewhat be.
wildered. did So"
Now" said the young scapegrace,
"if you will remain standing for few
minutes III find out who has been sit
ting on my new stoveplpe hat
They were telling some pretty
tough stories, and presently his turn
came.
"Yes," he began, clearing his
throat, "people lose their lives some
times in the loolishest sort o. way. ]
recollect an Irishman, poor fellow
who some years ago sat down on
what he s'posed was keg o. black
sand to smoke his dudeen. Aftei
finishin the fust pipe he got up an
knocked the live ashes right into the
keg.'
"Many killed besides him ?" asked
a breathless listener.
"Many what?"
"Killed-blown up"
"0h, there wasn't no explosion
nuthin' explosive bout black sand.