Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-08-19
PLE4SANTRIES.

every society idiot in New York.-NeW
Orleans Picavune.
''THE man who rules himself" says
an old proyerb, els q king" And it
might have added And the man who
tries to rule a woman will also find
himself aching.
els travelling good for the health?"
asks an exchange. We suppose SO.
if he had staid in New York as Mr..
Fish did.-BOston Journal.
An exchange says that ''the Prince
of Wales drew well in Cork the other
day. Next thing we know of he'll 60
III the minstrel business altogether.
We need someneW comedianS.-EVanS-
vile Argus.
A VERMONT girl went into a meadow
to sketch a COW. The COW happened
to be an old one with a ring in her
nose, and they picked the girl up on
the other side of a seven-rail fence
Detroit Free Press.
A CHICAGO man got hold of the wrong
Jug the other day and took a big drink
of a mixture Of kerosene oil and muri-
attic acid. Then ne accused the servant
girl OF stealing his whiskey and pouring
water IN the jug to conceal the theft.
A MOSQUITO in a mans ear is not a
pleasant thing to experience, but it is
better than to have his black-haired
wife find a tress of golden hair tangled
IN the top button of the coat which
her husband wore to lodge last night.
A KENTUCKY girl was struck by light
ming while dressing for her wedding.
Without turning round or taking the
hairpins out of her mouth, she simply
remarked: "You girls had better stop
finging your shoes till we get started"
AN exchange says there are no
humorous women. That may be so,
but when a short, fat woman wears
certain costume Just because a tall,
thin woman looked well in it, it is
very, very funny.-NeW York Graphic.
WIDOW, to medium-'I my husband
happy in the spirit land?" Eyes, per
fectly so, madam. He has everything
his soul desires" "Then, thank
Heaven, he's got it at last" "Got
what, MADAME" GA post-ofice. p
Chicago Ledger.
''TO CLEAN the teeth use a mixture
of emery and sweet oil, following it
with plenty OF kerosene" This would
seem to be queer advice, but as it is
taken from machinists' magazine,
and from chapter relating to circular
saws, we have no doubt it is given in
good faith.-BOston Post.
A PIoUs lady met Homer Martin one
Sunday morning on the way to take
an excursion steamer. care you not
going to church ?" she inquired. "No,
ma'am," said he. "But, Of course,
you like to go to church," she said.
81 like it immensely" said the wag,
"but can restrain myself"
SoUR-Brown, (who has been off
early to return Miss Jenkins stray
pug, instead Of taking Miss Smith row.
Ing, as promised, ooh, no l didn't 60
alone, Miss Smith. There were two of
us-a man and a puppy" Miss
Smith: ''And what has become of the
man ?"-Columbia Spectator.
THIS is the season of the year when
Lucy and John come in ruefully from
the back piazza and Try to explain to
an unsympathizing audience how it is
that Lucy's fragile Ito pounds has
broken down the hammock that her
pas solid 1S5 pounds swung safely in
all OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES Journal.
A STRANGER was asked if he was not
afraid to sleep in the ghost chamber.
He was not. In the morning he was
asked If he had seen any ghost. ''I
did. And | laid subscription list be-
fore him, asking him to help our base
ball club along. He was evidently en-
barraSSed, and [ did not see him
again"
FSAY, pap, the tailor was very much
astOnished when you went in his place
the other Cay to borrow that UNI
brella." 'Astonished! Why?" "He
said you was like the public building"
|'Ah public building? Great work. my
SON." "That wasn't the reason. He
thought you were going to settle. 80
Philadelphia Call.
WHAT did the fiddlestick? And
what did the trombone? And when
was the violin? And what made the
kettledrum? And what was it the
cornet ?-EXchange And why was it
the orphicleid? And why did the
vioIoncello? And what did the drum
sticks. And what did the leader drop
his baton?-Bufalo Times.
GENTLEMAN Ito grocer) 1.-Two gal
Ions Santa Cruz, one gallon Old Tom,
two gallons Maryland Club, four dozen
Pommery Sec, four dozen Milwaukee,
and six boxes Reina Vics. Grocer
Yes, sir. That all, sir? Gentleman
En-, do you keep fishing tackle? Gro
cer-Yes, sir; full line, sir. Gentleman
Put in a couple OF fish hooks.-New
York Sun.
GIRL will look at your hammocks,
please. Dealer Yes, miss. Now,
there is something nice. Not expen-
sive, but at the same time pretty and
strong. Girl-It doesn't look very
strong. Dealer 6ea will guarantee it to
see; 100 and 165 would be 285-very