The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1885-01-31
"A FOOLS ARGUMENT.

- FOOLS ARGUMENT.
What Philosopher Had to Say on the
Subject of Betting Before Election.
1t has been many years since IL up,
held my political principles by coming
them for base drachmas. A drachma,
dear, is aspud, ans spud is a Lewis
door, which. door is an open sesame to
the best society. Years ago, when l
was young and charming, rather a
| trife more young than l was. much
more charming, l bet a box of cigars
with. political, foe, but an esteemed
personal friend, on the election of Mr.,
Hayes. To give him u show for his
white alley, bet him hat on the re-
suit in New York. The returns
promptly decided that i lost tho hat,
and the United States Congress and the
High Joint Arbitration. Commission,
after gravely considering the question
for many weeks, finally informed me
that had won the box of cigars. l
never dreamed that such simple bet
] would throw the Republic into such.
kpainful state of suspense, excitement
and confusion. ] said then, that never
again would 1 thoughtlessly tamper
with the peace and happiness of my
country, though all my political foes
went bareheaded and had to pick up
} stubs for my personal smoking all the
days of our respective and respected
livesa
j paid my hat bet. i went to, the
halter with my friend and had his head
blocked for a special order His
blocked head fairly swan with joy
when told him was going to have q
hat made especially for him. He
said: ...I.... +,
"Robert -"
The sober, solemn truth is, he said:
Bob, ~ but thE6 doesn't look well in
y print, and hate the name any how.
"Robert, if you win the cigars which
Heaven forbid, 1 will go to Havana
and make them myself.
| knew he would not. Far better
than he did. l knew it,
The hat was made under the personal
supervision of the halter, by and with
the advice and consent of myself. II was
slick, shiny hat. Itwasabout eighteen
, inches high and as symmetrical as q
stove pipe. 1t was the same size all
the way up. The brim was about an
inch and a quarter wide, fiat and
, Straight as ~ silver dollar 1t would
, have been thespIide of st. Patrick $
day professions 1t was the awfullest
, hat. Strong men shuddered when
, they saw it. Ldon't believe such hat
eyer was made before or behind.
Well, l gathered about score of
our mutual friends. We got the band
out, set the hat on top of a dry goods
> box in IAN open wagon and paraded
! down to my friend'M store, and / pre-
: scented the hat with an elaborate and
ornate address. Men said it was the
greatest effort of my life. | think it
: was. 1t not only fatigued me, but
= people who heard it said it made them
/ tired, also.
: My friends remarks in reply were
Q very brief, but sutfused with emotion.
I He took the hat, labeled it with my
e name and exhibited it in his window.
+ When the Court of Arbitration al
$ .last decided the other bet, the band and
G the crowd came out again and my foe
n presented me with box of cigars. Al
, the conclusion of the presentation
speech, he proposed that We
smoke the weed of peace.
:. could not refuse. faltered my thanks
!, lighted cigar and pulled twice OF
- thrice.
That was nearly. eight years agone
!, and yet, sometimes | am aroused from
u the profoundest slumber in the dead o
: night by the lingering farewell of tina
!. cigar A policeman, who accidental,
i happened to be awake that afternoon
came along and arrested me on
charge of disorderly conduct, arsol
and assault with intent to commi
d hydrophobia. The magistrate smellet
l. my breath as I plead not guilty, anC
fined me ten dollars | went hom
l. and committee of my neighbor
|, waited on meat long range and gav
T. me twenty-fou hours to leave the State
# left the box of cigars on the offic
2 steps, and two tramps were found dea'
lie beside it the next morning. Tn
4 Board of Health filed information
IS hagainst me for conspiracy, seized tn
y box of cigars and threw them into tn
he Mississippi river. All the fish between
e Burlington and Keokuk died that week
of. i took. down my shotgun, breathed int
II it, pointed. it at deg and he turne
5, into stone. blew fiercely down tn
y barrel of the gun intending to hunt flo
to my foe, and the gun burst ON the spot
r. ILbut why recount the narrowing. eS
of that week of horror?
n only mention these few leading facts
N because Truth with "A big L is so sadl
ID seldom.-BUrdette, in Brooklyn Eagtt
re - -
ID "A two hundred and fiftieth ann
s, versary wave is affecting the pionee