Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-04-24
THE CONTRIBUTION BOX.
II Makes . Confession and Gives a Few
Pretentious People Away.

Nv AAOAS0
Pretentious People Away.
"My friends" said the contribution
box, in a hollow voice, my time is
well-nigh spent, and l shan't be with
you many days. I have lived a correct
life and have always taken care OF my
self, and though to be sure 1 have been
around a good deal, I v got full.
But the lining of my stomach is all
worn out, my joints are out OF killer,
and 1 feel sometimes as though actually
falling to pieces. However, I might
have kept up and about awhile longer
hadn't the sexton broken my arm try
ing to strike a mouse with me the other
evening in the vestry. That mouse,
the poor thing!-itwas a church mouse.
you know-escaped a box on the ear"
added the contribution box, with a
CHASTITY attempt at righteousness; "but
the shock was too much for me. My
arm was broken short of, and when
the sexton, instead of apologizing,
called me a cross-grained old thing,
my heart was broken too, [ really be-
lieve.
.'Well WE'LL" continued the contribu-
ton box, after a pause, i've seen 3
good deal in my time, and it may nos
be wholly Improbable for you to hear
some of my experiences. I have been
a close observer all my life, and I think
1 know something about human nature.
1t was always very amusing to me,
when I passed beneath the noses of the
people in the pews, to watch the varied
expressions on the faces above me.
There was old Mrs. Galoon, for ex-
ample. She was the widest awake
woman you ever saw Of ordinary occa-
sions; but when | came around she was
always fast asleep-or pretended to be
and, though l often gave her a good,
hearty nudge, it v amounted to
anything; she never. SO much as quiv-
cred, but sat as immovable as marble
statue, with her eyes as close shut as
the jaws Of a sprung bear-trap. l did
catch her once. however, by returning
Unexpectedly to her pew, after having
passed it. Her eyes were wide open,
but as soon as she saw me she looked
up toward the ceiling with a heavenly
expression, as though lost in, pious
meditation I stayed as long as 1
dared, but it was no use. Her eyes
never quit the %rafters, and I had to give
it up and move on.
'Then there was Grabemall, the rich
contractor. 1t almost made me split
my sides sometimes to see the o~stenta-
tious way in which he would drop a
nickel into my pouch. 1 knew, of
course, just how much he contributed;
but everybody else supposed, from the
air of careless prodigality which he
put on, that he had given five dollars,
at least. How different his manner
was from that of Widow Goode, who
SIT just behind him! She never gave
less than a dollar. 1 knew she couldn't
afford it, and it almost made me feel
like a thief to take it from her. She
used to slyp the money into my pocket,
as though she were doing something
wicked, and were ashamed to lie. any,
body know it.
''The young ladies would hold out a
dime in their delicate gloved fingers
with a sanctimonious air, and then just
as likely as not giggle right in my
face, though [ never could understand
what they saw to laugh at; the chill
dren would throw their great noisy
pennies into my pocket with a Jolly
eagerness that was quite refreshing,
but l must w that 1 went away from
their pews oftentimes with q very heavy
heart, and feeling quite cheap, not
w~ithstanding their plentiful donations;
and there was n family of boys
the Little rascals!-who used to put
lozengcs into my pocket. I afterward
found out that their mother gave them
ten cents apiece, and they used to buy
candy with it and feed me with sweet
meats. But perhaps the young scamps
We're not really so bad, after all. Pos
sibly they thought the Little heather
oh, Idren might like a little candy now
and then as well as themselves.
II have noticed that people like to
sit behind the man who gave a dollar
bill. They all of them always gave
somethingg-and l have been so un-
charitable as to think that they wanted
to have it seem to the pews back of
them that IL was they who contributed
the dollar. and not the little bald
headed man in the front seat. I sup
pose one reason why l got this idea
into my head was because when the
first pew gave only a small piece OF
money, l wouldn't receive another cent
in the whole aisle; as though, so 1
fancied. everybody was afraid to give
himself away, as they say nowadays.
II used to smile when the deacon
who carried me around would stand M
before the whole congregation and
throw a handful of coin into nv
pocket. Everybody got the impression
that the good deacon was a very benev-
olent gentleman, and l more than half
believe that he thought so himself. His
face looked like a horn of plenty, and
he gave the money in such az all
.stracted manner that, though nobody
could fail to see the operation, every
body must have thought that he was
quite oblivious to anyone's presence.
But between you and me. the deacon
ave put in any money--nob a cent, I
assure you. When he went to church
he always had a lot of tin disks. OF
course, they were always discovered
when the money was counted, but
everybody laid it to the boys up in the
gallery. However, the deacon's 0 n
tribution did a power of good, not SO
much for its intrinsic worth as from