Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-07-05
A CHAPTER OF ERRORS.

Od0 Btuu0tF& HInat
London Standard
II seems, however, as If the trans
mission of messages was superlntended
by some telcgraphic Puck whose spe-
cial delight is to commit malicious per-
yersi,ies in the sense Of messages for
no other purpose, apparently, but to
crafty his predictions for practical
Joking. To some his pleasantries may
cause amusement, but they are more
frequently productive of embarrass-
ment. How friendly greetings passing
between families have been altered,
what dreadful suspense and alarm
has been caused among households
and perturbation among businessmen
through the hidden telegraphic imp, none
but those who have been victimized can
fully appreciate or understand. A gen.
tleman once telegraphed asking that
horse might be sent to the railway sta
ton to meet him, and was surprised to
find hearse instead. A prominent
statesman was accused of delaying
legislative work through an "unfor-
tunate idleness," when the honorable
gentleman's ssillness" was the cause
of the delay. From being "bad"
a man was made dead" and one that
was "no worse" became "no more"
through Geographic agency. Mes
sages are sometimes made to read
precisely opposite to what is meant
by the sender, and trouble and dis
appointment is frequently caused by
these perverted communications. "Send
check this afternoon has become
"send chase this afternoon" "your
bacon" has been trans ormed into
"your banker" "linseed oil " has
been converted into L" linseed meal"
"fiften wagons into " fifteen TONS"
" clothes" have been made "soles,"
"sold" made unsold," and the an
nouncement salmon received" has been
changed into " balloonreceived." When
meetings are arranged through the me-
dunn Of the telegraph it occasionally
happens that the time and place
of meeting is altered. Sunday
has a decided tendency to be-
come Monday, Tuesday is liable to be
made Thursday, and the first train has
been altered to the last train, while
places of meeting have been changed
and converted into something that was
painfully perplexing to the recipients.
Constantinople among the grocers :"
was o rather unintelligible announce
ment, and the changing of the request
" send no more " into send on more :"
was calculated to produce annoyance.
Here is curious piece Of COM
position which a telegraph clerk
turned out Speaker urged
a compliment concerning the desira-
bility Of their cause and the hounds Of
the execution" This being interpreted
meaneth: "The speaker urge COM
plant concerning the desertiorrNf their
cause at the hands of the executive"
St. Vitus's dance seems to have puzzled
an operator, for he rendered it "vile
dance" definition which the unfortu-
nate sufferer might not have disputed.
The phrase, antiquities of the
church," once got telegraphist
into trouble, for he had the auda-
city to write "iniquities Of the
church," which must have shocked the
"unco guild" A paper had to apollo
gize for having-thrOugh Geographic
error--in the report of an unsavory
lawsuit referred to a " religious " in
stead of " littigous " family. There
can be no question but the clerk who
wrote subterranean tayerns," when
"caverns was intended, must have
hnen suffering from the effects of re-
cent visit to some underground liquor
shop.