News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-06-25
A BIT OF PAINTING.


money" remarked a passenger whose
breath smelled like the south side o
the Ohio River; sit beats all what fool'
some folks make over pictures. When
I was in Chicago ! saw little painting
about foot square, that was held at $500
fSpect some simpleton will come along
and buy it. $500 for little painting
like that"
"That's the way you talk, " spoke up 6
bsshful drummer, "but I'll bet you've
paid four times as much money for q
painting not tenth part as big"
"What, me ?"
"Yes, you"
"What kind of painting ?"
"The one on the end of your nose."-
Chicago Herald.
LOSING THE MONEY.
The lesson was on profit and loss, and
the teacher was endeavoring to make
her pupils reason out the problems.
"If man bought hat for five dol
lars and sold it for three, how many
dollars would he loseP"
"Two," answered bright little fellow
who could subtract three from five.
The teacher surprised at his quick
ness and apparent knowledge of arith-
metic, asked him to give the reason
why. l.How did the man lose the.
money!"
"Must have dropped it somewhere, =
said the little innocent, who was better
at guessing than reasoning.
THE LONG TRAIN.
At the station down in Indiana the
Lake Shore Company employs lady
ticket agent. She is good agent, and
attends closely to her business, but she
is a woman still. The other day lady
traveller stepped up to the ticket window
and inquired about a train that was a
little late.
"Will the train be longP" she asked,
meaning If it would be long In arriving.
"Oh, yes," was the reply of the fair
agent, "longer than last season, but
without so many rnffies around the
edge. "-Chicago Herald.
NO MISTAKE.
Old Bilkins-"Yes, stree. never
made no mistake when I gave my son
an education.
Old Plkins-'Doin' well since he
went through college, ehT
"Well, should say he was, He's
Just that smart now he can make more
in month than / make in year"
"You don't say SOP Well, we'll Edi-
cation is a great thing, that's a fact.
What's his business p
"He's a baseball pitcher. ."-PhilG.
Call.
KILLING A CAT.
Mr.. Boseen was troubled by cat on
a neighboring roof, and one night he
Jumped out of bed and, picking up
pistol, started for the scene of action
waking his wife by his movements.
"What's the matter? ?" she inquired.
"Cats," he answered, briefly.
"What have you got in your hand ?"
"Gun," he replied, savagely,
"Oh, dear, take care; take care"
Scare, thunder What do I want to
take care for ?"
"Care will kill cat, darling" she
whispered. and lodged under the cover.
A KEEIY MOTOR BEAU.
"Now, Mary" said father to his
daughter who had lover of the never
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES kind,
81 have no objection to your bringing
company to the house, but 1 don't want
to see that Keely motor beau of yours
here again; that's fat"
"My what beau ?"
"Your Keely motor beau"
"Why do you call him by such a
name ?"
''Because he is one of those chaps that
won't go."-BoSton Courier.
LEGAL COMPLICATIONS.
'My neighbor tied knot in my
horses tail, and want ter hab de law
on him." said 81 Jackson, an Onion
Greek darkey, to Lawyer Gouge.
"Hand over five dollars" said the
lawyer.
Si did 80 cheerfully.
Having got the money, the lawyer
said calmly, putting it in his pocket:
"My advice to you, my colOred friend,
is now to go and unite that knot in your
horses tail."-TeraS SiftingS.
APPROPRIATE NAMES.
$50 you have got twins at your
house ?" said Mrs. Bezumbe to little
Johnny Samuelson.
"Yes, mann, two of EN-"
"What are you going to call them?'
"Thunder and Lightning"
"Why those are strange names tocall
children"
"Well, that's what pa called 'em as
soon as he heard they were in the
house. Austin Siftings.
HOW SHE FELT.
"And 80 you have received divorce
from that vagabond husband of yours,
Mrs. Smith p
sYes, I am glad to say that 1 have"
''Didn't you feel quite overpowered
when you heard the decision Of the
Judge?"
ssNot exactly. felt sort of unnamed,