The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-10-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

Girls in India wear rings in their
noses As they seldom use handker-
chiefs, says writer, the Inconvenience
is not great
Twas poor little yellow banana
peel, and the young man ground it be-
meath his heel; twas a brick in the
sidewalk. hard and red. and the young
man ground it beneath his head.
A down-East fire company, in res
olution on a deceased member, say:
"He has responded to his last alarm"
It's wonder that they didn't add that
"he has gone to his last fire. ''-LosceH
Times.
An exchange asks the meaning of
the word Jackpot" A jackpot, we
take it, is a utensil in which Jack cooks
his dinner when he is camping out.
Or something that way.-Norristown
Herald.
An Iowa Judge has decided that
man is in duty bound to tell his wife
where he spends the evenings when he
is away from home. This decision is
all right to certain extent, but sup
pose the man doesn't know?-!hiia-
delphia Press.
There are ten editors of the college
paper published at Princeton, and they
have their hands full during the base
ball season. One writes editorials to
show how American colleges should be
conducted in order to increase their
usefulness, and the other nine conduct
the baseball department -Norristoon
Herald.
A young man denounces straw bon
nets ''because they chafe his ears. "
Here, now is a question for scientists.
Can they explain how it is that bon
net worn by one person can chafe the
ears of another person not wearing itP
EhP How's thatp Dwell, well, now
that may be. How stupid not to see it
before.
A tradesman at Colchester closed his
doors and affixed outside the following
notice: "Gone to Mersea regatta
open again at z O'clock" The hour
having passed and the engagement to
open at having been broken, some
cruel wag appended to the above no.
tice, in large characters, Drunk and
can't get home.
sis the musical critic in? My name
is 'Iggins. ave just arrived from
Hengiand and am about to sing ere.
Iwould like to ave you mention in
your notice my chest notes" Here
the umpire of the concert-room glared
at him and growled, 'Chestnuts! o.
you want to see the funny man over in
the dark corner there. boston COM
0serciGi Bulletin.
Simpson and his wife were on their
way to church, and the lady was put
ting on her gloves. my DEAR" said
he, pettishly, ..you should complete
your toilet at home. I'd just as soon
see woman putting on her stockings
on the street as putting on her gloves"
..Most men would" she said promptly,
and the abashed husband didn't say
another word.-Pitts6urg Chronic!e.
He was in the habit OF coming home
night after night at 2 o'clock in the
morning. She grew weary of this and
rendered his latchkey useless by lock-
ing the front door. He was obliged to
ring the bell, and was horror-stricken
when his wife appeared at tho window
and murmured: go away, George;
expect my husband home every mo-
ment." He has become very domesti-
sated since-Boston Gasette.
A Utica paper reports the case of "a
beautiful girl. unusually robust, who
has become raving maniac through
over-indulgence in roller skating"
This is very sad. Tho telegraph re-
ported the case, Monday, Of the Rev. j.
II. Speck, preacher of Canton, Ga.
who attempted to commit suicide while
& 'sderanged on the hequestion of holmes" !"
& This is also very sad. -AorristoWn Her.
add
Medical item: '.In some parts of
South America people live to be over
100 years old. There are no doctors
there at all. Isn't that wonderful"
'.It is not as wonderful as it is here in
Texas" growled Col. Pcterby. Here
in Texas there are hundreds of doctors,
3 and nevertheless man occasionally
lives 10 be 100 years old. That is still
) more wonderful ''-7eras Sittings.
Dumley (who has just been intro
duced to Miss Doddclum)-You have
Z rather a peculiar name. Miss Dodd-
clum. 1 never heard it but once be-
fore. i had some business communic:l-
tion with man of that name in Poo
ria, Ill. and precious rascal he
proved to be, too. Did l understand
Mrs. Hendricks to say that you are
from Boston, Miss DoddclumP
Miss Doddclum-No, sir. I'm from
Peoria, nl-N. Y sam.
An uptown father last week took
his two sons, aged and to the
matinee. Bobby, aged 5, drank in the
wonderful spectacle during the entire
first act with eyes wide open, but with
out uttering word. Finally during
the second act he could keep silent no
longer. Leaning toward his brother,
he said in shrill whisper: Say,
Gus, some of those girls haven't got on
any stockings, have they?" The older
and more precocious boy answered,
with look of superior wisdom:
'"They think that we think they haven't
any, but they have" ."-Bufa!o Courier.
Pretty Cousin Ito young doctor)-
So. you are full-fedged doctor, are
you, TomP
Young Doctor-Yes. 1 got my di-
ploma last week.
typ
Young Doctor Yes. 1 shall make
children's diseases a specially.
Pretty Cousin-Ah, yes, see; and
as you gain experience in your profess
sion you will be able to attend older
people. That's right, Tom; begin at
the bottom and work your way up
BRAKES Magazine.
A.-What physician have you, dear
3riendP
B.-The Prof. S.
A.-What! that charlatan! How
are you to he same come?
90 B.-Through my wife, who him upon
me in manner forced has. that him
absolutely not again offshake can. She
met him, before he yet our family phys
ician was, one time with a friendess,
g and asked him why she always so cold
feet had, whereupon he answered:
THAT comes about because your feet
SO small are that not enough blood
therein place has," Herewith was
the evil done, and my wife will have
NO other doctor now" "-Iranslated
from Der Omnibus.
~ ''Mr. Maxwell Stevenson has two
little children whose quaint conceits
make them as deliphtfnl To the sum-