The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1885-07-16

DuO ueslIe 10 Suggest ID any one
who may be contemplating the
erection of summer residence for
me, as a slight testimonial of his
high regard for my sterling worth
and symmetrical escutcheon- tes-
timonial more suggestive of earn
est admiration and warm personal
friendship than of great intrinsic
value, etc, that l hope he will not
construct it on the modern plan of
mental Eullucination and morbid
delirium tremens peculiar to re-
cent architecture.
Of course man ought not to
look gift house in the gable end,
but if my friend don't know any
better than to build me a summer
cottage and throw in odd windows
that nobody else wanted, and then
daub it up with cOlorS that they
have bought at auction and APP
piled to the house with a shot gun,
| think it is time that we had a bet
ter understanding.
Such a structure does not come
within either of three Classes of re-
Nuisance. 1t is neither Florentine,
Roman nor Venetian. Any man
can originate such a style of archi-
lecture if he will drink the right
kind of whisky long enough and
then describe his feelings to an
amanuensis Imagine the sensa-
ton that one of these modern
sawed-of cottages would create a
hundred years from now, if it
should survive? But that is i'm
possible! The only cheering feat
ure of the whole matter Is that
these creatures of disordinary i'm
agination must soon pass away and
the bright sunlight of hard horse
sense shine in through the shat
tered dormers and gables and
gnawedo off architecture of the av-
erage summer resort. A friend of
mine few days ago showed me his
new house with pride. He asked
me what thought of it. ] told
him l liked it first-rate. Then
went home and wept all night. 1t
was my first falsehood.
The house, taken as a whole,
looked to me like a skating rink
that had started out to make money
and then suddenly changed its
mind and resolved to become a
tannery. Then ten feet higher il
had lost all self-respect and bios
somed into a full-blown drunk and
disorderly, surrounded by the
smokestack of foundry and with
bright future of thirty days ahead
with the chain gang. That's the
way it looked to me.
The roofs were made of little
odds and ends of misfit rafters and
distorted shingles that somebody
had purchased at a sherif's sale
and the rooms and stairs we're gid
dy in the extreme. l went in and
rambled around among the cross
eyed staircases and nightmares till
reason tottered on her throne. Then
] came out and stood on the arch
itectural wart called the side porch
to get fresh air. The porch was
painted a dull red, and it had
wooden rosettes at the corners that
looked like bran new carbuncle on
the nose of social wreck. Far
ther up on the demoralized lumber
pile L saw, now and then, places
where the workman's mind had
wandered, and he had nailed on his
clapbeards wrong side up and then
painted them with Paris green that
he had intended to use on some
thing else. 1t was an odd looking
structure, Indeed. If my friend
got all the material for nothing
from people who had fragments Of
paint and lumber left over after
they failed, and then if the work
men constructed it nights for men
tai relaxation and intellectual re-
pose, without charge, of courge the
scheme was a financial success
but architecturally the house is a
gross violation of the statutes in
such cases made and provided, and
against the peace and dignity OF
state.
There is look of extreme power
ty about the structure which a man
might struggle for years to acquire
and then fail. No one could look
upon it without feeling a heart
ache for the man who built that
house, and probably struggled on
year after year, building it little at
time, as he could steal the lum-
Der, getting a new workman each
year, building a knob here and a
prOtuberance there, putting in a
three window at one point,
and a yellow tile or a yard of bro
ken glass or other debris at anoth-
er, patiently filling in around the
ranch with old rub bish that other
people had got through with, and
painting it as he went along, taking
what was left in the bottom of the
pots after his neighbors had paint
ed their bobstays or their tree
box-little favors thankfully re-
ceived-and then suImounting the
whole pile with a potpourri of roof,
a grand farewell incubus of humps
and hollows for the ruin to wander
through and seek out the different
cells where the lunatics live who
inha bit it.
did tell my friend one thing,
that thought would improve the
looks of his house. He asked me
eagerly what it could be. ! said it
would take a man of great courage
to do it for him. He said he didn't
care for that. He would do it for
himself If it only needed one
thing he would never rest till he
had it, whatever it be. Then l
told him that if he had a friend
one he could trust-who would
steal in there some night while the
family were away and scratch q
match on the leg of his breaches or
on the breeches Of any other gentle
man who happened to be present,
and hold it where it would ignite
the alleged house, and then remain
near there to see that the fire de-
partment did not meddle with it,
he would confer a great favor on
mould ohoorf,lxr rafolio To