Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1885-12-18
Semi nhlpJntsripr yomusl
CIRCUMSTANCES.
re. L. f." In Chicago Tribune.l

Well, bet on circumstances every time.
In all my scrapes-and there are lots OF
thsm-I am never really TO blame, but !
always appear 10 ba I'm a sort OF toy Of
destiny-a foot bali Of fortuna Other Eel.
lows do disgusting, outrageous things and
are never found out; but I-by Jovei I
mean to engage a boy TO go around with
me just to have him ready e. testify to my
innocence when the next storm breaks on
my devoted head. For I am tired Of this
scapegoat business IL wears on the
nerves, as the cashiers say when they start
for Canada.
Just look at that awful "third-story- win
dow racket" I was led into by Tommy
Virgins, which paralyzed all Philadelphia
and made 1t necessary for me to have
change Of air several of my aunts took a
change Of their at the same time), while
Tommy enjoys himself at home. Nobody
blames him. No relations cut him out of
their wills. o, mol II was all that awful
Teddy Bouncers" fault Tommy is all
right, and / am cooped up in dirty
architects office in New jersey drawing
cow-houses, while he doubtless is RECALLING
the fellows with distorted version OF the
affair
Now. merely to put myself straight, I'll
Just tell you the facts as they truly &C.
Cured Then l fancy you will agree with
me that circumstances do make the man.
1t was a. m We had left poker party
at Harry Coles, where we had had just a
royal old time. / was dead broke--always
am after these pleasant little entertain
ments-but very jolly, and Tommy Wig
gins agreed TO see me home He was very
affable till he reached his door, when he
cody sail he'd ask me in. only his mother
LA - at
the thing" he added.
Not quite the thing, What was he, I'd
like to knowi
l come inP l inquired. "You know
haven't q cent and have lost my latchkey.
You don't mean to leave me like thisP
Cant help IT," he replied with drunken
gravity, mothers put her foot down"
swell, suppose you lend me 81 "a" sug-
gested; "that'll make it just an even s25
owe you, and can get room some where"
"Don't want to make IL even $25," he
muttsred; 'se22 25 Is bad enough"
10, never mind, don't worry about me-"
! said, thinking to sting him with q little
cold sarcasm. "Don't fret can go home
and climb in the thiri-story. window"
Eyes, would" he retorted. utterly miss
ing the point "If you can't work that try
the cosl-hole"
"Then a veice. plsintivc female voice,
piped out Tommy
Tommy and fiattened ourselves against
the house nks one man, but In vain.
The voice resumed; "You walk yourself
In directly. see you; you need not try 10
hide"
eyes" gigglsd Tommy. "she sees me and
calls Goo-nigh', Teddy" And be sneaked
into the house, and left me-left me, a
scion of the Oldest family in Philadelphia,
TO get myself home any way could. 1t was
beastly shame, for my Aunty Tabby says
that at the time my grandfather was an
honored guest In the White House Tommy's
teemed il an honor to assist me.
However, there l was with the best blood
in America going round like mill wheel in
my head and making the street dance a Jig
/ was not tight-no, indeed; loose described
my condition, particularly about the knees
AS ] fell easily and naturally from one SUI
perb pose plastique to anothe on my way
down the street / seemed to be double or
triple jointed-a regular India rubber man.
After an arduous struggle | reached my
own door and sunk down on the steps to
think over the situation. "Now," said /,
"the strongest point in my favor Il am al
ways logical after poker partie') is that /
am the only ledger in this old barracks of a
day school Consequently am not liable
TO observations or interruptions even from
q janitor But there is a stronger one
against me--namely: my legs, which refuse
10 obey my will Now. having two legs
and one brain, and living in a country
where the majority rules, it will certainly
be awkward if my brain says: IN climb
up to my window" and my legs reply:
We prefer foubling up ON the sidewalk )"
Hero my brilliant argument was rudely
interrupted by two horrid little belated
"muckers" siding up and yelling, "Ol look
at the drunken dude, taking his siestayP
Think of the degradation A Bouncer
jeered at by the rabble. The blood Of my
ancestors boiled. My impulse was TO wipe
out the insult in blood-their blood. NY
legs seconded ms nobly; they left bowling.
This little encounter braced me up so
thoroughly that by little exsrtion / got
around the corner into the alley that runs
behind the houses on Chestnut street TAX
ing q seat on the curbstone l contem-
plated the row Of neat brick houses. One
Of them was my destination. The delicate
question OF "Whichr arose, and affairs
thicksned up again.
knew my house had an extension on the
first floor and a conservatory on the second,
from which knew ! could easily step into
my window. But so had all the rest How
On earth was to pick out minel A severe
mental struggle inclined ms TO think il the
sixth from the corner Of Twentieth street. Ac-
cordingly, taking the lamp-post as a start
ing-point, came down the alley counting,
convinced that, in spite OF my fathers in
furious reflections had brain and large
one, and arrived at the sixth house in q
state Of great satisfaction. Looking carefully
around, ! put an ash barrel against the
fence, made a br ak for IL, and found my
self in the yard, with rather more ashes on
my dress-suit than | usually wore but very
happy.
$50 much for Buckingham l cried, and
commenced to climb up the extension.
Now, usually gymnastics are not at all
II my line; but that night developed a
suppleneis, a sort Of capacity for hanging
On TO nothing that inclined ms strongly
10 the Darwinian theory. / felt sure
that ia come not very remote period
had On old grandfather who co. his meals
by shining up cocoanut-trees. Nothing
else coull explain the way | got up that
watsr-pipe to tho extension roo'. Once
there, ! made short work Of the conserva-
tory y simply kicking out the glass and
putting my feet in tho frames. 1t was
sort OF "climbin'-up-ds-go lden-stairs' act
that raise my spirit, 10 concert pitch. Tie