Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-06-03
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT,


Ahi how dye do, countess? Am 80
glad to soe you homo but l was In
hopes you would bring your husband
with you. LIST me zee, 1t 10 three
months since you were married. is 1t
months" replied the countess. Tho
90 unit 10 we'll, / hope7" "Yes, he il,
believe" "And 1 suppose you On.
joyed life in his grand castle?" =" For
awhile, yes; but you see 1t took all my
fortune To pay of the old debts ON It. "
Indeed! Poor child, how / wish l
could help you" You can" "How?'
Let me have your family washing"
With pardonsble pride lady display.
ed very ancient piece of house.iinen %
her servant, saying, ~ she held it up for
inspection Look, Bridget, at this
table-cloth IL has been In our family
over two hundred years." Bridget
eyed the article In question carefully,
and then, stepping close up to her mis-
tress, remarked, In Q most confidential
tone Shure, never mind, Mrs. Ar
thur, dear. II you just kape quiet
about 1t, and don't let on to
any body, who would know but what 1t
was bought brand-new out of the shop"
Brown has just had telephone con.
uection established between his office
and house, and is very much pleased
with 1t. II tell you, Smith, this tele-
phonic business Is o wonderful thing.
want you to dine with me this even.
ing, and will notify Mrs. Brown to
expect you" (SpeakiDg through the
Telephony: "My friend Smith will
dine with us this evening. Now listen
and hear how distinctly her reply will
come back" Mrs. Brown reply came
back with startling distinctness "Ask
your friend Smith If he thinks we keep
a hotel 70
Some husbands are too solicitous
about the health of their wives. While
out walking Mrs. Dazenbury stopped
in front Of q show window Of a milliner
and exclaimed "What a beautiful
assortment of hats |" "Come on, quick,
Louisa. You will catch cold II you
stand still on that grating after you
have been walking fast; can't let you
run such risks" said the careful, af-
fectionate husband; and. before Mrs
Dazenbury could decide what kind of a
bonnet to select, she was hurried past
the dangerous spot.
A story is told of shrewish woman
| who tried to wean her husband from
the dram shop by employing her brother
to act the part of q ghost, and Brighten
John on his way home. "Who are
you 2" said the man, as the apparition
rose before him from behind bush.
~ am Old Nick" was the reply.
Come away, man, said John nothing
daunted. "Give's shake of your
hand. L am married to a sister of
yours"
A crusty old curmudReon, who was
laughing over something in his news.
paper, being reproached by his wife for
not reading it aloud, so that she could
share in the enjoyment, testify said :
oh, fudge, my dear! A thing that's
funny enough to make only one laugh
would be dreadfully stupid If divided
between two."
Doctor Z" am pleased to say, Mrs.
Fitzbrown, that L shall be able to vac
climate your baby from n very healthy
child Of your neighbor, Mrs. Jones. "
Mrs. Fitzbrown: "Oh dear, doctor,
could not permit that We do not care
to be mixed up with the Joneses in any
way"
"Your father WAS nothing but sim
Pile bricklayer." 81 know where you
got that information quietly remarked
tho other. From whom did get 1t 2"
:" From your father" "How do you
know that" because your father
was my fathers hod-oarrior."
How old 10 your mammal" asked q
llove-smitten old bachelor of the dauRh.
tor of the widow who had enchanted
him. don't know, sir; her age vAries
from about forty three to forty five, "
WAS the artless reply. The bachelor was
disenchAnted.
A celebrated circus manager is on the
hunt for new curiosity for his show
He Is seeking 10 find a young married
man whose wife can cook as we'll "a his
mother did. Twenty. six States. have
beenlexplored thus far without sue
cess.
A doctor was called to attend patti
ent, who, on being asked If he had
not taken something strange into Lis
system, said he believed he had. at
must have been that glass of water
Haven't been 30 imprudent for ten
years.
=" What do you ask for thst?" inquir-
cd an old man Of a pretty girl in fancy
warehouse. "Twenty shilliugs," she
answered. "Ain't you a little dear?"
he said. WELL" she replied, call
the young men toll me 3d."
Rich uncle to his physician $50
you think there is hope for me 2" +" Not
only that, but l can assure you that
you are outi of danger" VERY we'll;
l wish you would inform my nephew,
but break the news gently to him."
Oh, dearl" sighed Mrs. B,
with toothache. "Why can't people be
born without teeth p If YOU will
reflect a moment, my dear" replied
Mr.. B., "you viii! to convinced
that such is the fact"
You Americans" said an English
man to a young lady, shave no ancestry
to which you can point with pride. )
That Is very true" she as.ented
Most OF our ancestors came from
England, You know"
:" Is this singing doll?" she asket
of the shopman. " Yes, miss" How
do You make it sing?" "Just as 70,
would any other young lady" How
Is that?" By pressing it, "Oh"
She knew music and painting apt
style. and possible knew how to tlirt
5 but saints of the kitchen!-she asked
for gridlron to iron a shirt!
: Farra and HIS Little stickers.