Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1885-09-10
The Vanity Of Men.

"Who buys them ?" asked reporter
In Kearney street ''notion'' shop,
pointing to a lot Of tiny pocket mirrors,
with nail-cleaners, toothpick and comb,
all complete.
81 suppose you think the ladies are
our best customers" said the ''notion"
man, "but 1t is not so. Men, sir-vain
men are the pickers-up Of these I'M.
considered trifles."
"Pretty men ?'' inquired the repor-
er.
The salesman grinned. ''It don't
matter much how they look" he
said, "whether they are apes or Apol-
los they want pocket mirror all the
same. They retire every honr or so to
some secret place to admirethemselves.
Talk of the vanity of women Indeed
It pales, sir /; it fades away into insig.
nificance by comparison with the ad-
miration tie majority of men have for
their own mugs"
''Could you mention mot for publi-
cation, of course, but for individual
atisfaction-the names Of some OF
these purchasers ?"
The notion man looked grave. II
could not give away the secrets OF my
prison house." he said solemnly. 81
never trust a newspaper man, and In
the present regard hold the confidence
these gentlemen have reposed In me as
sacred. Why, there are some half a
dozen who, entertaining great respect
for my critical Judgment of physical
beauty, step In here every day to in
quire how they are looking. Then 1t
is. Am pale to-day. Jim r or DO
you think my color is too high, Jim p
or THAT left eye brow is growing tri-
fie heavy don't you think I'd better
have it trimmed off bit p IL / say
your color is too high, my friend is off
to the barber;s for dab of powder, or
but this Is a dead secret-we accom-
modate him in this shop. If he is too
pale we tinge him up. IT'S wonderful.
positively wonderful. Now, the ugli-
est men are the toughest. liz there is
the slightest blemish In pocket mir
ror, they won't take it, because, for
sooth, it may not faithfully reproduce
their bright pearl beauty"
"But there are different degrees of
vanity among these male beauties, are
there not ?"
''No, sir /; there IL but one degree
and that Is the superlative, but there
are different degrees of candor. Some
are modest and will declare that their
moustaches or beard are always getting
tangled. Now. there's a good-looking
blonde railroad agent on Montgomery
street who bought six -four mirror
from me the other day, which he keeps
in his breast pocket. He is glutton
about his personal beauty, he is; but
a real estate man, fair, stout young
person whose office is near him, has
found out that he has this glass and
begs the loan of it a dozen times q
day."
s'Then, as a matter of fact, you have
more customers among gentlemen for
those pretty little articles than among
the other sex p''
"Five to one. sir the percentage
of those who carry pocket-mirrors is
small among ladies, but eight out Oh
every dozen men have one slowed away
in the vest pocket. Why" continued
the notion man, ''some big, smirking
fellows-business men-have come in
here and asked me IL could teach
how to blush. Just think OF 1t. Fell
lows in the forties. sir, who have not
known blush for twenty years, be.
lieye it would be becoming to them it
they could flush up like a moss rose
when girl glances at them. The an
cient rounder got hold OF the secret
and made all the rest hopping mad to
to learn it. You won't give it away !?
Wsll, when he wanted to blush he'd
jab pin into his leg and keep his
mouth shut.'
"What did the mouth have to do
with IL ?''
"Because the pin would make him
feel like swearing and keeping back the
blasphemy was the effort that suffnsed
his cheek. That's the true business,
s'help me. Do you want to look at any
nice pocket combs to-day ? No. Then
excuse me. for here's a dude that
does" and the philosopher resumed his
professional air and, advanced on the
customer with interlaced fingers and a
captivating smile. San Francisco Das-
ly Alta.