Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-08-28
MR.. sAMpLAN's CALLER.
Why a Staid Citizen was Perturbed and
Aunoyed.

ss"y " - NICHZ6u W4S IcSJuFDCO 0@O
Annoyed.
II was both surprised and grieved,"
said Mr.0 Samplan, ..when I awoke
and found a midnight intruder in my
Ibed-chamber. 1 do hate to be awakened
from a sound sleep, and I had always
rather meet strangers by daylight and
take a regular introduction.
'Well, this man-this very audacious
man-had the impudence to light nay
gas and point a pistol at me. Yes, sir,
and my gas bills are outrageously high,
and his pistol was probably loaded. ]
do hate to see a man so utterly needless
of other mems rights. It might have
softened the matter some had he been .
gentleman in his speech, but he wasn't
so-no, sir, he wasn't; As I opened my
eyes and sat up in bed he growled out
in a voice like a sea-lion.
"'Be quiet, old man, or I'l bore your
brains with a bullet!'
"Do you suppose I'd use q man like
that? Never! I'd have some decency
about me, especially if my victims wife
was beside him. My wife awoke, of
course, and when the burglar saw by
her looks that she was about to scream,
he turned the pistol at her and said:
"'Come now; but if you open that
%potato-trap of yours I'll pin your head
to the waltz
''Think of such language from a per-
feet stranger! Think of the insult to my
wife's mouth! No one will ever know
how badly she felt. She just fell back
on the pillow and cried, and the auda-
cious burglar he clicks the lock of his
pistol two or three times to keep us
scared and then remarks:
"'Come, old coon. 1 want you! Git
up and pint out the valuables!'
1.-The brassiness of it! Wanted me to
help him rob my own house! was SO
amazed at his impudence that I got up.
He sat down in a chair near the door,
pointed his deadly weapon at my heart,
and orders me to 60 ahead and collect
all the money and jewelry and leave it
on the stand. Did you aver hear of the
like! l wanted to argue the case q bit,
for I'm a man as doesn't like to be sent
to State Prison for robbing his own
house, but he thunders at me:
"'Lively now, old spindle-shanks, or
I'll make a corpse of you.'
81 assure you that 1 was considerably
p%erturbed. Look at these legs-large
enough to bear up an Ok. Had he any
right or reason to use the term spindle.
shanksp He was no gentleman-no
gentleman, sir. picked up about $20l
in cash, two watches and a lot o jewelry,
and when I turned them over to him he
further revealed his nature. Instead Of
thanking me for the size of the contri'
button he growled out: 'Durn ye, for ar
old skinflint, but I'm q good mind tt
bore YET
"I'm no skinfint, as all nay friends
swear to, and I had given him all W.
had in the house. After growing fol
awhile he orders me back into bed
threatens us with death if we move ever
. toe before daylight, and then goea
down stairs. Here he eats up our pie
and cakes, breaks up all our plated sill
yer, carries off the milk jug and butte
dish, and in going away leaves the door
open for cats and mosquitoes and moth
millers to come in.
81 tell you what-such things go ia
to vex a good citizen and make a ba'
man of him. I want to be treated lik
a gentleman, especially in my ow
! house. 1 don't like to have strang
; people enter my bedroom at midnigh
and brow-beat me. No true gentlcma
will compare his wife's mouth to a pc
tato-trap, and no man fit to appear i
good society will call me spindleshanks
old coon ETC., unless we had both bee
drinking and were having a hilariou
time. feel perturbed, sir-very muc
%perturbed, and if the thing occurs aggai
/ shall certainly go to the police abor
it. "-DeLron Free Press.