New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-05-13
For This are We Doctors.

my chest; my food distresses me: I'm
low~spir1ted. tired and languid Tn
Snort In completely broken up. I'm
very careful about eating, and though +
eat graham n bread exclusively, l have
an uncomfortable feeling here IN the
chest after every meal" -
Doctor-"Ah! Isuspectea as much
My dear sir, don't you know that
graham bread is the very worst thing
you can put into your stomach On
Patient Why, doctor, I ALWAYS
thought"
Doctor-"Of course you did, and so
40 thousands Of other people; but new
ertheless It's bad for you. How can anv
man, no matter how we'll he may be. d.
gest good shavings? And that's what
graham bread is-a good part of it.
NO you can't digest it, and it lies in YOUR
stomach, where it irritates and causes
everything you eat to ferment and
evolve gas which causes that pressed
feeling in your chest"
Patient-"But what must I eat?n
White bread is good enough
for me, and it's good enough for YOU.
In fact, it's just what you need. What
do you drink with your meals?"
Patient-"I used to drink tea and
coffee, but Thought they hurt me, and
now drink water exclusively"
Doctor-"No wonder YOU don't-feel
we'll. Do you know, sir, that there is
nothing so hurtful to health as this ey-,
erlasting drinking Of cold water? Why.
sir, it congeals the fat about the stom-
ach, retarding digesting and lmpov-
erishing the blood. You'll have
to stop that right off. A little warm
tea OF coffee won't hurt you hundredth
part as much as goblet of ice water.
On the contrary, it supplies just the
needed stimulus, and aids in the assimi-
lation Of food. You're teetotaler, I
suppose?" &
Patient Well. yes; that is to say"
Doctor-"I understand. You are con-
scientiously averse to drinking; but if it
was essential to your health you wouldn't
offer any foolish objections?"
P atient-"No, 1 don't suppose I
should, if it were really necessary"
Doctor Well, I want you to get
some pure whisky, and drink wine
glassful, say, four times a day, be-
fore meals and upon retiring. If you
have that dull feeling at any other time,
you can take a dose; it won't hurt you,
never fear"
Patient GLOW about my smoking /?
Must quit that?." a... .7,zsg.. ,es.ss0 o.
Doctor-"No indeed. Itaids digestion
and soothes the nerves. Smoke all you
want to-. You don't need.. any medicine.
Leave off your graham bread and cold
water. and that, with the whisky, will
fetch you round all right. Come and see
me again in q week"
Patient How much doctor? might
as well pay you as I go along"
Doctor "Five dollars, please. Thank
you"
Patient "Good day, DOCTOR"
Doctot:- Good day, sir"
Patient (soliloquizing as he walks
.,away)-"Dr. Smart is sensible man, a
ytayssensible man. He understands my
symptoms exactly. He talks like man
Who knows his business"
T3,cior-"Ah, Mr.. Brown, how d. re
do? Not sick: / hope?"
Patient -"Well, no, not sick exactly F;
but I don't feel just right. Food dis
tress ssne, you know; troubled with a
dull i}aih in my head and pressed
feeling in my chest; am tired, languid
and low-spirited.
Doctor-"Im afraid you eat too much
white bread"
Patient Why, isn't that good for
me?"
Doctor No, indeed; worse thing
you can eat"
Patient ""But what shall I eat {?
They say graham bread isn't so whole
some as it has been cracked up to be. !"
Observation-Disclosures! An old woman's
notion; nothing else, I assure YOU.
White bread contains starch, but it
hasn't any gluten; and gluten, you know
One must have it if he would be we'll.
Graham -four contains both starch and
gluten. 1t is perfect food, and it's
just what you require"
Patient "Bnt they say it is the greater
part woody fibre"
Doctor+t AL the woody fibre you'll
find in graham flour wouldn't hurt a
flea. Leave off your white bread and
eat nothing BUT graham. That's the
first thing. Now, what do you drink ?"
Patient-saAa and Coffee
Doctor-'Ss%a .s wonder you are bilious.
l shall ask you to give up your tea and
coffee and take water instead"
Patient "But I always supposed that
cold drink"
Doctor -"Another fallacy. Water is
Natures own beverage. Who ever
heard of an animal suffering from bill
ousness? You nevsr drink any alcoholic
stimulants, eh?"
Patient Never drank drop of
spirit in my life. Don't believe in it,
Sir" G
Doctor -"Glad to hear that. AL
'cohol is virulent poison, and half II
the people who come to me are so i'm
'pregnated with it that 1t is almost i'm.