Omaha daily bee., 1885-08-15
IMPIErIEs.

Rome is now referred TO by many travel
ers as 'the internal city. "-[Detroit Fret
Press.
A gentleman said to a minister: "Wher
do you expect to see Deacon s. AGAIN.
Never" said the reverend gentleman solemn
ly. 1.-The deacon is in heaven"
"Why did the Apostle Paul go TO Athens?'
asked a Sunday school teacher. "Please, sir,
was it to throw the detectives of his track
answered a Canadian tourists little boy whose
papa had left him behind.
An eight-year.old Albany boy, the other
day, after a few moments spentin deep study,
turned to his mother and asked: "Ms, don't
you think we'd better SEND God word that we
DONE want any more children?"
A western clergyman says if men and wo-
men are to dance at all they ought to danes
n separate rooms. 1t is generally believed
that he has been trying to waltz with a Chi.
cago girl.
In Canterbury, England, the other day, .
curious brass box was dug up. Its name and
purpose was q mystery until, being opened,
there was found inside three buttons, a piece
of tin, and a scrap of paper. Then they knew
that it was an ancient contribution box.
"Oh, DEAR" yawned a little boy after he
had returned from church, Il don't wonder
the world is SO full of wickedness." "Why
sop asked the astonished mother. 'Cause
God picked out such o tedious day for Sum
day."
Widow to medium: "Is my husband happy
in the spirit land?" yes; perfectly so.
madam. He has everything his soul desires. "
Then. thank heaven, he's got it at last!'
Got what, madam" ga postoffice. "-[Chi-
cago Ledger.
A simple. hearted and truly devout country
preacher, who had tasted but few of the drinks
of the world, took dinner with a heightened
family, where q glass of milk punch was
quietly set down by each plate. la silence
and happiness this new vicar of Wakefield
quaffed his goblet and then added: MADAM,
you should daily thank God for such a good
why do you have your choir behind the
congregation" a stranger asked a member of
one OF our fashionable churches. swell, l
know it's fashion now to have it in front, and
we used to have ours there. But you see that
little tenor's new suit was 80 loud that no.
body could hear the organ. We like the
change very much, and the music really seems
to be better"
"Young man, " said a revivalist, solemnly,
do you feel that you are prepared to answer
the luminous at any moment? Do you realize
that S., when you go to bed az nieht, you may
I'm night clerk in a drug store. an all
you've got TO do is to keep on ringIn' the bell
until you hear me boiler. "-[Syracuse Jour
nal.
Between 3 ,000 and 5000 people were IN the
last night when Evangelist Jones
up to open the services. He prefaced |
his remarks with this statement that there
were some incidental expenses, such as the
as used, etc., that would have co be paid for.
and that q collection would be taken up to
meet this, ANY gentleman" he said, will
cheerfully contribute his mite to help out for
the demand is necessary and reasonable. |
There are some people here, I have no doubt,
who will sneer and gay, this Is always tt
way with these religious meetings; anything
20 get money l am not appealing to these
iop-eared hounds. They can keep their
hands and their money in their pockets :"
Laughter Then the ushers passed the bas-
tets and the clink of silver was heard
Waco tTex.) Day.
A prominent citizen of Jones county, Mis-
Iissippi. who stood high in the church, made n
visit to Meridian recently, and upon his re-
urn told his neighbors that he had seen ice
manufactured in that town with the thermom-
'ter standing at So o. 1t soon became q Get
led fact in the minds of the member of the
church that Brother Blank had degenerated
nto an able liar. Charges were preferred
against him, and o committee of church men,
were appointed to visit Meridian and con-
'ict the efring brother of lying. They went,
aw the Ice manufactured, and returning
80 reported to q nesting of all tho
hurch members. A look of establishment on
he faces of the assembled brethren soon gave
way to one of Indignation, and Brother Blank
the entire committee were incontirently
Expelled from the church. - Times. Democrat.