The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-12-18
By THE WAY.
Rurdette Encounters Wr. Legion on
the Cars and Tells as All About
n Familiar. A AcnmaIn. .nnce.

Familiar ACQUAINTANCE.
Now there abideth on the railway car,
and travels up and down the land therein,
the citizen whose name is Legion. vii
liam II. II. Legion, of Legionville, Legion
county. and this is the manner of man he
is:
One of him taT5eth politics. From theI
time he rcttcth upon the train until he
steppeth off ne taIEeth the local politics of
Deddaug5n county into the weary ears OF
the stranger from Farther India, wh0i
kuoweth about American politics far less
than the pig at the corn pen Nno"eth
about the new star in Audromeda.
And auo-her of him is the man who
gets carried by. Never tIaln yet run
upon wheels that did not carry some men
by. The brakeman, with the rich tenor
voice oreHs the front door
and shricl<e. in oar-splittiuE
falsetto, "Wood lawn' Wood lawn" Then
the brakeman, with the deep bass voice,
opens the rear door and roar=. '.WOod
Iawul Wood Iawur' The train boy goes
down the aisle with MS books ana apples
and squeaks " EOodiawuwCCalaWI.'
Finally enters the conductor who says, In
tones of impressive dignity and official au-
thUrity sNOOd lawn, wood lowu.' The
train stops. The Haeseuger raises "a win
dow and looks ont at -he Village. Ten
miles further ON tine brakeman with the
tenor voice opens the door, ciuder flies
down his throat and clokes hia utternccs,
he gasps fee1lv and iuaIticUlately,
..Vinsheruucshunr' The astouisheI pas
seuger springs to his feet. Winchester
Junction." he huwls; swhg i'm the name
Of goodness didn't you ten me when we
came to yVogElawn2 Now I can't 90
home tin Tomorrow moTingi III report
You for ueglec,ug TO call out stations; sec
if donJ"
And there is the man who gets of the
train every time il stops, rushes down the
platform, gets in everybody's way, forces
his way into the wGitiuC-rOOm while every
, body else is trying TO get out, peers into
the ticket Offices, always wants to know
s.NNhere the mischief the telegraph opera
tor is ?'' Never reads a telegram; never
. knows what to say if the operator is at his
post; always peeps into the baggage car to
see if he can discover his own trunk which
was put ON ten hours and 80 miles ago
gets thumped with trunks and pinchcd
by trucks: gets deeper in the way every
time he tries to get out Of it; never sees
I anyone he knows on the whole trip, and
. would be amazed if he did, and rides in
" his seat so little Of the time that il doesn't
/ pay him to claim it when he sees any one
else in it, although that is the only time he
wants it,
And there is the man who is familiar
with ali the train men; he calls the con
s.IOhnuy," and addresses the walters al
the dining station by their first names
/ If, however he speaks to a fellOw-passen
ger he calls him ssSay, you" He stops
I the conductor when that official is the
busiest to ask him about brakemen OF
freight trains of whom the conductor nev
: er heard; nor any other man, possibly
He calls the length Of the ear to the news
boy, to know when we pass ' ninety-sev
en-" and if 81 Bill Stunt is ruunin' her to
day?'' His withering contempt for pas
sengers is something immeasurably pain
full 10 the unhappy people who are Obliged
to travel. This man, whom you have Of
ten met, has two or three origins. HI
usually travels on a trip pass, and used C
sweep out the general offices when tht
. regularly ordained iauitOr had to take tn.
-uperint endeut's place. He isn't a rail
road man, but he'd give both his legs II h
could make people think he is.
There are two men in q seat near tht
stove exchanging recipes for rheumatism
and other ills to which human flesh il
heir. One of them had the " ianders'' al
last spring. They -'comc onto him jus
IS he was getting over spell OF 'sneu
rflagy," and left him just in time for two
weeks "Ia--el wCtn lumbagO i'm the spin
Of his back" That isn't what ails hin
now. though. Its this "milsmia i'm III
syse em," and the things hc mas been-an,
is yet taking for IL are numerous enough
and various enough to kill Of q cuuutr
almshouse. The other man had aa ma
Gguant tumor'' on his hip all winter, ant
The only thing his doctor could do with il
waste throw him into a bronchial fever
the effects OF which were still painfully az
parent I'm chllbIaius and "execratcd sore
+ throat" Every tiue he "swOllCTs' " he
" druthcr die IN swollcr aCin." So thos
two sufferers while away weary hours tel
ing each other iufalHhle cures for all tn
things the other man has.
And then there are four other peopl
on the train; they are on ever- train tina
ever turned wheel-Jhe two young maj
RED people who have just been marie,
and the 0mUpTeseut other two yUuu
Ta1pIe the two who want 10 be marie.