Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-05
The War IN Israel.
CHAPTER III.

THE HIGH PRIEST PREPARING FOR BATTLE
ISRAEL NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. AND
HARDY FOETIFYING-INDIANT TROOPS
&C, &C, &C.
The former treatise have written, o Eli,
of all the doings and wars of Israel, except
some small matters, which will be noticed in
due time. Since my last epi>tle, the High
Priest has been closely housed, correspond
ing with certain circumcised beyond Jordan
and Jericho. Israel is sleeping upon their
arms. with their slingS in hand, and their
shepherd bags filled with stones.
King Bedott issued his orders to the watch
men that, if they see the enemy coming, they
are to blow upon the rams horns and call
Israel to the fight. Sir Gordon Hardy has Il
strong force of eNies, uncircumci>ed, and
Babylonians, who are determined to hold on
ali summer. King Baker Pasha, of the hill
country, has gone over among the Amalekites
to raise warriors for the help of King Bedott,
the High Priest. He was commanded to
bring all the publicAnS possible. Deacon
MiddleaeXtOn has been sent rs a missionary
to the Indians by Israel, with special instruc-
tion> to natur.lizc the races. Deacon Mid
dIeaexton is IL great warrior and leader in
Peter Simon, who fell by dancing, has been
restored to his position, and will have charge
of the sisterssbrigade.
Cardinal Bufk Neveryeald, the publican,
will have charge of the eastern brigade.
Elder Haiicolumbia has charge of the gas
works, and will furnish light and steam for
the occasion.
King David has been suffering for some
time with wound, and will hardly be able
TO take command of his forces.
When Baker Pasha arrives with his battal
lion of pubicans, and deacon MiddealeXton
arrives with his Indian regiment, King Be-
dott is going to move upon the works of
Hardy.
Amaleck, the exile, is in charge of the con-
script brigade of Hardy'S division. Henry
will have charge of the cavalry, and Bro.
Joseph will look after the ladies.
The latest from the seat of war came over
the grapevine telegraph last night at 1:49s
4. NJ, and reads rs follows:
.HEADQUARTER OF ISRAEL, TIE ONLY
TRUE, March I'd, 1885.
To King Baker Pasha, commander-in chief
of the forces of Israel-Thou wilt hasten to
gather thy warriors and be at the synagogue
in Belleview Saturday, March 9Th. On that
day will order out our SkirmiSh lines, and
threaten the revoiters and uncircumcised;
and il they don't come to time and surren-
der, will move upon their works on the
eleventh: and if we have TO do that we will
show no quarter. Signed
Ell MAHDI BEDOTT, High Priest"
I.4ter the following was placed upon the
bulletin boards of the High Priest:
HEADQUARTERS OF ISRAEL, THE ONLY
TRUE, March Sd, 30, A. NJ.
To all subjects, eNiles, mutlneers, strays,
refugees, uncircumcised, MethodlstS, Pres
byterians, and other sects-greeting-An
whereas, have you surrounded with King
Baker Pasha on the east, and Deacon Alex
on the west, and Stonewall jackson on the
north, and King David on the south, and
therefore command that We hasten and sur
render and offer sacrifices, or else will scalp
the last one of you. Signed.
Ell MAHDI BEDoTT, High Priest"
Now,when Sir Gordon Hardy heard of the
message sent by the High Priest, and heard
that the hearts of the uncircumeised tainted
within them, he wrote rs follows:
"lIold the fort am coming,
Two hundred pounds strong;
am with you TO the end,
To die or live or blossom"
Now there are dwelling in the land of
BelIeview those who don't like war, and
during the next week of battle these are go
ing to hitch up their oxen to their chariots
and go down to Egypt to live in peace. If
your scribe don't happen to be Killed by Il
stray shot, rs he fees from the Valley of Dry
Bones, you may hear from him again.
Eli, how painful the idea of war-espec-
tally war in Israel!
Kiss each other with kiss of love and let
tis take the grand right hand shake. whilst
the organ grinds--
'.Da Jordan's stormy banks stand
And east u "wooshful" eve
On EgyPt's fair aud happy land
Where English soldiers iie."
Yours till the end .IosEPHUs.
Who dwells DER against Nebo, which is