The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-01-08
WIT AND HUMOR.


1--WE must draw the line somewhere.
remarked the wa>herwoman Monday
morning. ''and | guess the yard is the
best place.
Yale College students smoke between
2.600 and 5000 cigarettes day Tell
you it paws the business men of this
country to support the educational in
stitutionS.
1t is said that the grasshopper has
proportionallv l2n times the kicking
power ola man. Nature evidently did
not intend to have graSShoppers sleep
two abed.
In anger flew her agile jaws. and
swear words darted from her tongue;
the maid was lighting mad because she
couldn make her bangs stay bung.-
Semi Weekly DEATH Rattle
s'Hallo," shouted one hoy 10 another.
whom he saw running wildly down the
street Halle, are yon training for
races' No. called hack The flying
boy. Il m racing for train.
An Englishman claims To- have dis
covered an animal with four eyes. This
shows what poor whisky they have on
the isldIu. Ii IL ndu Dctii III ANTI ~ \
the animal would have not less Than %
eyes.
''Oh, dear" yawned a boy sitter he
had returned from church. Il don
wonder the world is so full Of wicked-
ness" why so9" asked his astonisiI-
ed mother. cause God picked ont
such a tedious day for sunday
sA-are y-you a-sn admirer o-of
s-s-soldierss'' asked Young West
Point cadet of Young miss with whom
he was 'waltzing. He was short OF
breath and growing dizzy. III d-don t
k-know,; she replied Ill n-neser
s-saw any"
A young lady who was too sick to
wash the supper dishes recovered sufii-
GENTLY fifteen minutes after her mother
had performed the job to play croquet
and '.sit up with a Young man until
midnight. What delicate creatures
American girls are. anyhow.
A French woman took on dreadful
lv at the funeral of her husband.
..Why. madame" said her maid. lyon
hated him SO while living 1 do not see
why YOU should be so demonstrative
now that he is dead why, LiZette.
[ don't hate him half so much now as
did,"
The Emperor of Morocco. having
subscribed for newspaper, reads all
the advertisements first. They tried to
get him to read the editorial page first.
but he remarked that he had been a
monarch too long not to know what
was interesting reading.-Lo"isrttte
CourieT-JO'TRdf.
Ma" whispered Pinder Fitzgoober,
after the funeral OF a friend. do YOU
know where he went?" Hush. child.
cautioned the mother. who saw that the
question had been overheard. ''of course
L don't, and no one else does. Il do.
yelled the boy. brightly, ':he went to
the cemetery.
Mrs. Blank-.-IS your barber musi.
cian?" Mr. Blank Mot that know
Of Mrs. Blank-"Then why does he
call himself professor if he is not !:
yiolinist or something?" Mr. Blank
30. that is because he fiddle:
around Il customers face i'll violent
manner with viol razor. - Phitadct
phid CAL.
This reminds rs of Il bull Seriousl,
perpetrated by former citizen of Tex
arkana. He approached knot of gen
tlemen who were his personal friends
and said: Look here. boys. I'm /;
candidate for CITY Marshal. hut don
saw ANYTHING about it. for if the thing
gets ont they'll beat me. .-Trrarknna
Ter. News.
Visiting BritOn-..Ya-as. Wosalind
but yOur politicians-aw are 4 lot q
blawsted cads. v knaw. You are-aa
wuld bv Il set of wiotous waScal> whom
YOU wouldn dweam of-aw-in'i itine
10 your house. Ro>aiind True, bu
in England You are governed by per
sons who wouldn't dream OF inviting
sou To theirs.
when grow up / shall marry {:
rich man. or won't marry anyhodyr
little girl was heard TO say. But i
you don't marry anyhody.' said he
father smiling. '.yon will be sure II
live with a poor man all Your life In
stantly the little maiden answered
-'Oh. but. papa. love yon. and SO yol
don't seem poor?
You may talk as much as yo,
please remarked the irascible man
''but let me tell YOU that | conside
your arguments as well as yourself be
AASnth give NoI St
much as thought Il hope nnt.
was the response: Il wouldn't h.iH.
you bankrupt yourself on nv account.
Boston Transcript.
SceEe-India. officer inspecting
ranks: sergeant major following. OF
fcer-Priyatc Atkins hasn't shave,
this morning, sergeant major. Ser
geant major He is going 10 let hi
beard grow. sir. Olli"er-I cant hay,
men coming on parade like this. AM
man wanting to grow a beard must a.,
it in his own time, and not on parade. -
London FWR
''Nill You have some soup or fish.
asked the waiter of stranger. No, sir
Bring me some meat and pertaters and
cOffy.' After he had finished his meat
and pertaters and cOffy he leaned bacl
in his chair and said: Now. you XII
bring in your fish and soup if YOU wan
to. but you shouldn't go trifiine with s
Kansas city man when he's hungry. -
N. J. Mai and Express.
''For what we are about to receive
may the Lord make lis truly thankful.
devoutly murmured Dusenbury, sitting
with folded hands at the dinner table
Then looking diSdainfully over the dish
es set before him. he snarled: ..Go0C
gracious. Maria. how many times d1
you want me 10 tell You that ! don
banker for cabbage and corned bee
more than three times in one week =
Boston (HObr.
Father. please tell me what entai
means and if we have such law il
the United States?' Father Under
the law of entail. my boy, the LANDED
property of the father is handed dow
TO the eldest son, successiveiy. genera
fion after generation. We have nc
such provision in the United States
Here the money generally goes TO tn,
lawyers who settle the fathers estate
You see the difference? Boston Trans.
eript.
The following incident occurred tt
Mlt Tony, of Dry Pond, jackson
County, not long since: As he ap
preached his bed to retire one night h,
discovered large snake lying on tn
cover, which frightened him very much