davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
HUMORIsT,S VIEW.
The Decline of the Train.RObbing In
dustry Calmly Discussed.

Mr.. Opie P. Read, of the Arkansaw
Traveller, uhbuidens his soul as follows
in an alleged confidential letter to the
Texas Siftings:
Times are getting to be harder and
harder in Arkansaw. Robbing railroad
trains is no longer profitable. In fact,
unless a man simultaneously follows
some other business, such as gambling
or holding some Office he cannot make
an honest living. He can't make both
ends meet. Why, few years ago, we
thought nothing of stopping train long
enough to collect fifty or hundred dol
lars. Now we do we'll if we collect an
old bulls eye watch, which the de jure
owner tries to beg away from you under
the plea that it is an old family relic. l
remember not long ago taking that kind
of time piece from an aged clergyman
who actually cried, and l became so
much affected that we mingled our tears,
but didn't give him the watch. You
see he rather overdid it. He went on to
tell how long it had been in the family,
and he traced that watch back to period
previous to the invention of watches,
and then I hardened my heart, and ex-
p,ored him for more assets, but all got
was postal card. ...... t..
Our last at empt was almost failure.
Some OF the boys failed to get anything.
Only one Of them managed to get away.
A more inopportune time could not have
been chosen. Among the passengers
| were some twenty eastern capitalists,
who had come TO Arkansaw 10 buy a
hundred or two hundred thousand acres
oflaud. On one of them was discovered
| bill of fare OF d w enty-hve cent restau-
rant. The others bore no evidence OF
the great wealth they represented. They
should have been arrested for deceiving
the public by false pretences.
The outlook for the future is not bright
| / don't think change OF administration
is going to do us any good. There is not
enough money in circulation. That's
what the country is suffering from.
| Occasionally, when there is a detach.
ment of State militia on the train we gel
| q large number OF guns and lotS OF am
munition, but what good does that do us
when we neSd clothes, and whisky, anC
spending money? A man can't pull or
a double barreled shot gun az if it was s
pair of dove-colored pants. Powder
doesn't fatten a man, and lead is tn,
most indigestible food know of. Their,
is my friend Ambrose Grukins who per
suaded the engineer to slow up. He at,
two ounces OF lead for supper, and dice
before morning.
However, recklessness is the order o
the day. There is no telling what a maj
will not do nowadays to make money
Worse crimes than robbing trains ar
committed every day with impunity.
see that Walt Whitman has writer
another poem-something about birC
that sang cold song while Lieutenan
Greedy and his men were starving t.
death. Generous songster, self-sacriticini
bird with a frozen craw. There is n
doubt about it. Whitman can write
poem. He may forget TO put in tn
poetry, but he can write poem.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
A Female Spectator.

Even Brothers, New York cotton
brokers, thought they were getting along
swimmingly They had lots of custom
ers and among them were the wives and
daughters of government officials and
others in Washington. These customers
were unusually confding and trustful,
and they accepted receipts from Even
Brothers which sal that the firm would
use the money received Eat our discre-
ton" But Even Brothers got reckless
and lost money, piles oft, and one day
they were surprised by visit from Mrs.
Stetefeldt, wife Of a Washington profess
or, who made strenuous demand for
her money. Her story was told, aud a
cloud of claimants arose and demanded
their lost cash. A great many of the
claimants we're women, clearinghouse
keepers, choir singers, music teachers
and others. The Cotton Exchange mem
Der of the firm was expelled from the
exchange. aud now the women wish
they hadn't tiled to be spectators.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
"PAPA CAN'T FIND ME. .

No little steps do hear in the hall;
Only a sweet silver laugh, that is al,
No dimpled arms round my neck hold me
tight;
I've but a glimpse of two eyes very bright
Two little hands wee face try to screen;
Baby is hiding that's plain to be seen. -
"where is my precious I've missed so all
day."
papa can't find me?" the little lips say.
"Dear me! wonder where baby can be?'
Then go by and pretend not to see.
Not in the parlor and not on the stairs!
Then must peep under sofa and chairs
The dear little rogue is now laughing out
right;
Two little arms round my neck clasp me
tight.
Home will, indeed, be sad. weary, and lone,
When papa can't find you, my darling, my
own.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Woman,s Indifference to Her Sex.

The girls in the women's stores of this
city are treated with either tyranny or
contempt by their sisters whom they
wait upon, and when my brother Bob
carried into one of these stores the mas
culine custom of tipping the girl who
waited on him with quarter of dollar
tears came into her eyes.
81 have not offended you, have I?'
said Bob. ..-.
"Oh, no." she said; out in all the
years have stood behind these counter:
that is the first kindly attention evel
received"
"Whatw said Bob, "such an experience
in life spent in the service Of ladies
How can that be?" ... @ BEL. ..t
"Oh," she said, laughing and turning
to end the conversation, "ladies are on
sort of creatures to the men and quit
another sort among themselves. / hop
yol may never see them as they Sc
themselves"
Bob told me this as good joke. HI
thinks the girl was a crank. kno,
better. She was a philosopher. Clar
Belle. go. o..
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
A KEROSENE HABIT.
An Alabama Man Who Can Not Liv e
without Drinking the Oil.


As an Age reporter was passing j. T.
Bailey's grocery store, on Twentieth
street, one of the clerks stopped him
and said: There is human curiosity
back in the rear of the store. Step in
and see it."
The reporter went in and saw man
in the act of drinkinga cupful of kero-
sene oil. He had entered the store and
purchased a gallon of the oil, and then
asked for q cup, which he filled and
hastily drank eThis surprised Mr.. Bailey
and he questioned the man about the
matter.
When the reporter entered the recital
was finished and the talker was taking
another drink of oil. The mans story
was told the reporter by Mr.. Bailey, and
was as follows:
'My name is George Eggleston. 1 was
born in Mobile county, Alabama, in
August, 1872. When quite boy L suf-
fered great deal with tonsilitis and
lother diseases of the throat. Kerosene
oil was recommended as a cure, and con-
sequently was dosed with kerosene.
As long as l took the oil was apparent
| ly well, and so continued 10 take it
| for number of years. The first time
| that knew that was the victim of an
almost incurable habit was when l was
| sent off to boarding school. After
three days at the place felt as if there
was something wanting. became rest
less, lost Inv appetite, and could not
sleep / saw a servant filling a lamp,
and all 1T once a terrible thirst for q
| drink of the oil took possession Of me,
and at once obtained it and that night
slept soundly. That settled me. Since
that night have taken my dose OF ker-
osene oil as regularly as a drunkard
drinks his whisky, and [ can't do with,
out IT." - a.- .-t
Mr.. Bailey asked Mr.. Eggleston what
he would dc # he was placed so he
could not Get oil. He replied:
81 would go crazy. recollect once OF
being In such predicament. l started
out on hunt once. expecting to stay
only one day, but was detained five days
/ was all right until the fourth night
when felt the thirst on me. The mex
day suffered almost death, and reach
ing home that night drank pint Of OF
a, one time"
This is what Mr.. E.gleston told Mr.
Barley. He said 10 the Agereporter tina
the habit l.e now considered an in curabl,
one. but caused him NJ Inconvenience
}, whatever. He believed he was health
Ter for the habit.
Mr.. Ecglestun lives eleven miles nortl
OF Birmingham, and is well known by
number of our. citizens. The reporter
in speaking Of the case Afterwards aske'
several physicians what they though
the results would be if man was ad
diced 20 the. hapit of taking large quau
titles ofkervsene oil. fhe reply ever
time vas that it Would eventually xii
Mr.. Egg esion, however, Is as healthy
locking man IA one would wish TO se'
and. so far as appearances 60, his quee
taste mas caused him no Inconvenience
Birmingham, (Ala.) Age.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

land as a practitioner and lecturer, will
arouse the surprise and possible animos.
ity of the medical profession and aston
ish all with whom / am acquainted, but
1 make the foregoing statements based
upon facts which am prepared to pro-
duce and truths which / can substantiate
to the letter. Tie welfare of those who
may possibly be sufferers such as was,
is an ample inducement for me to take
the step have, and if | can successfully
warn others from the dangerous path in
which once walked, | am willing to
endure all professional and personal
consequence.
Rochester, n. Y, Dec. 80.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Dr. j. Bradf1eld: Dear Strive have for the
past fifteen years handled your Remedies,
both ut wholesale and retail and in no in
stance, so far as our knowledge extends, have
they failed TO give satisfaction. We have sold
more of your Regulator than of all other Sim
liar remedies combined. We regard Pryor s
Pile Ointment one of the best; and Mother &
Friend we know to he true to its distinctive
title, THE Mothers Best Friend
Yours truly,
LAMAR, RANKIN & LAMAR,
Wholesale Druggists, Atlanta and Macon, Ga.
Treatise on the Health and Happiness of
Woman mailed free.
BRADFIELD REGULATOR Co.,
Box %, Atlanta. Ga.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Didn't Believe IL Was an Anomaly.

Father" he said, as he looked up
from the boot he was pegging at, what
is an anomaly"
Anomaly? well, what is it? Why,
down in southern Illinois corn is selling
at fifteen cents per bushel. while in
Chicago it is worth thirty-two."
"Well, why don't the tarnal fules ship
it?"
Because the railroad freight is two
cents bushel more than corn sells at"
And is that are anomaly?"
YES"
burned if believe IT, Looks more
like an internal swindle on the farmers
Wall Street News.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Couuterfeiting a vaiua BILE Article.

The publisher of the Madison County
Record writes from Huntsville, Ark. as
to the effect of Browns Iron Bitters on
his wife. Mr.. Daugherty says, "My wife
has been using the Bitters for some
months; the effect in her case IS remark
able" He also writes that owing to
count arfeits and limitations, it was diff
cult to get the genuine article. That dit
ficulty has now been. remedled; imita-
tons have been exposed and put TO fight.
There, as elsewhere Browns Iron Bitters
can be had of all the respectable drug
gists at dollar bottle.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
The Morning Dress.

1t is said that lady's standing in So
ciety can easily be determined by her
dress at the breakfast-table; an expen-
sive, SNOWY costume indicating that the
wearer has not yet learned the proprie-
ties. But no one need be afraid Of being
called "shoddy" if her loneliness is as
apparent by daylight as at the hops.
Perfect beauty is never the attendant
of disease; above all, of those diseases
peculiar to women, and which find a
ready cure in DR.. Fierce's ''Favorite
Prescription" Price reduced to one
dollar. By druggists.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
rhree Day. Collie for Di.obeyinx.

Teacher-"John, can you tell me why
Adam was expelled from Paradise?"
"Yes, sir, for breaking Gods COM
1mandment."
Correct; and tell me, John, in what
way did Adam break the command.
ment?" 's.t-
"By eating green apples"
snow, tell me, did you ever eat green
apples against the commandments OF
your parents?" -.
'Yes, sir; some l got in Mr.. Green
fields orchard when the dog was chain
ed"
"And what was the punishment
inflicted upon you for disobeying the
commands of your parents?"
why, ! got the collie for three days"
Boston Globe.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Wnen you visit or leave New York City. Yit
Central depot. save baggage Expressage AM
s. Carriage Hire, ard stop ut the Grand UniOr
HOtol opposite said depot. Six hundred ele
CANT rooms fitted up at n cost of one million
plan. Elevator. Restaurant supplied wf.1
the best. Horse cars, stages and elevated
railroad to all depots. Families can live better
fer less money at the Grand Union Hotel thar
a. any other frst-class hotel in the CITY
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Joyfully Astonished.

Mr.. James Brunt, Deputy Sheriff, Bal
timere, Maryland, writes: In an exper-
fence ofthirtv years | have become ac'
quainted with numerous so-calied spe-
cites fer coughs and colds, but never be.
fore experienced such surprising efficacy
as was obtained from the Red Stal
Cough Cure. / was attacked with Sc
we're deep-seated cold and cough. l suf
fered for some time, and tried this val
liable remedy. 1 was completely cured
by the use of one bottle.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Above all other earthly ills,
| hate the big, old-ashioned pills;
BY slow degrees they downward wend.
And often pause, or upward tend;
With such discomfort are they fraught,
Their good effects amount to naught.
Now, DR.. Pierce prepares a pill
That Just exactly fills the bill
A Pellet. rather, that is all
A Pleasant Purgative, and small;
Just try them as you feel their need.
You'll find that i speak truth, indeed.
Liars ale the greatest stickle1s fol-
truth-in others.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Take care of your Liver. A great number
Of the diseases To which mankind are liable
arise from a cisofdered condition of this or.
gan. Keepit in a sound and healthy condi-
ton and you can defy disease. Prickly Ash
Bitters are especially adspcd for this pur-
pose, being composed of drugs which act on
the Liver. giving it tone and strength TO with.
stand malaria.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Home Items and Topics.
-"All your own fault.
RI you remain sick when Won On

yet mop DltteTs tndt ncYer-Fail.
The weakest woman, smallest cbud
and sickest invalid can use hon hitterS VIII
safety and great good. "'
Old men lettering around from Rbar
matism, kidney trouble or any weakness
will be made almost new by using hon ~,
tiers.
sMy wife and daughter were made
healthy by the use of hop btters and
recommend them To my eOple.-NethOdist
Clergyman.
Ask any good doctor if hop
Bitters are not the best family medicine
On earth
Malarial fever, Ague and BiiouSness will
leave every neighbOrhOOd as soon as hon
bitters arrive.
My mother drove the paralysis and nell
ralgia all out of her system with hop Bit
! ters.-Ed. OSlCCgo sun.
..B Keep the kidneys healthy with hop
| bittcrS and you need not fear sickness"
| Ice water is rendered harmless and
more refreshing and reviying with hon
| bitters i'll each draught.
| The vigOr of youth for the aged and in
| firm in hop bitterS :!
AT change of life nothing equals
| Hop Bitters TO a!lay all troubles incident
| I Thereto"
The best periodical for ladies to take
monthly, and from which they will receive
! the greatest benefit is hop btterS.'
Mothers with sickly, fretful, nursing
children, will cure the children and benefit
themselves by taking hop bitterS daily.
! Thousands die annually from some
! form of kidney disease that might have
been prevented by timely use of hop BIT
| tiers.
Indigestion, weak stomach, Irregular
| ties of the bowels, cannot exist when hop
bitterS are used.
A timely Use Of hop
Bitters will keep whole family
In robust health Il year NJ a little cost.
To produce real genuine sleep and
| child-like reposc all night, tolSo " little hop
| hittore ratirinp
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

President Arthur is said never tn have
visited the State, War, and Navy depart
ment building. He thinks of doing SC
next week.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

a GAhD.-Io al VINO urv sunGr.ng from er
ness, early decay, loss of manhood, &c. l wiz
send a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF
CHARGE. This great remedy was DISCOVERIES
by missionary in South America. Send self
addressed envelope to REV. JOSEPH i. ISnAN
S.1.iy7 D.. Ter YOr.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Amtricn,H Pride.

True American men and women. by reason
OF their strong constitutions, beautiful forms,
rich compilations and characteristic energy,
are envied by all nations. It's the general use
of DIR. Harter's Iron tonic which brings about
these results
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
Barbed Wire.

II you have barbed-wire fences, keep Veter-
mary Carbolisalve in your stables 1t is the
best remedy for wounds of all kinds.
In SOC and Sl.O0 cans. At druggists or by
mail. j. W. COLE w.,
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
FarIners-Try 1t!

Wells, Richardson g. Co.'s Improved Butter
Color will be TO md to he the only oil color
that will not become rancid. Test it and you
will prove it. 1t will not color the butter
milk: il gives the brightest color of any made
and is the strongest and therefore the cheap
est. '..-
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

John B. Cough has delivered over
eighty five hundred temperance lectures
in forty-two years and travelled over five
hundred thousand miles.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07
He Thanks his l'aper.

Mr.. Editor.-I was induced by reading your
good paper to try DR.. Harter' g Iron Tonic Tor
debility. liver disorder and scrofula, and three
bottles have cured me. Accept my thanks.
JOS. c. Boggs.-Ex. o.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Many medicines now on the market owe
what virtue they possess TO the presence of
powerful and poisonous drugs. HUNTS Md
ney and Liver1 REMEDY is purely vegetable'
and will not injure the feeblest and most dell
cate person.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

An autograph page from President
Lincoln's last message sold for one hun
dred and fifty dollars, in Washington, a
few days ago.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

The kiss of goose and the words of a
fool never pass for more than their par
or face value.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

s-NOne genuine without abunch of green
Hons on the white label. Shun all the viic
poisonous stun with FLOP" or Hops IN their
name.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

1t always makes one feel painfully
honest when another picks up a fat
pocket book few steps ahead of you.
Puck sS.i ytlf
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

1t is, indeed, laughable to see pum-
kin-pie pass itself off in society for a
cream Iuff.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

AS rnindrop foretells a storm, so does
pimple upon the human body indicate health
destroy inR virus i'll the blood, which can be
neutralized and expelled only by DIR. Harter's
Iron tonic
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

- Satin Finished Embossed Cards ioc Rolled Gold Ring Com
0S naion Pocket Kalfe French Dolls with Wardrobe aud
sgts Card Outfit sO pix and ehoe q either pks
md ali premiums HAMDEN CARD CO., Handel, Com.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

No Safer Remedy can be had for Coughs
and Colds. or any trouble of the Throat, than
"Bro,rn's Bronchial Troches." Price 25 cts. Sod
only in boncs.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

The "old-reliable"-Dr Sage's Catarrh
Remedy.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

1t is difficult to know where to look
for dignity when one sees senator run
a bl ok to hear a circus band.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

No matter how full the ear, it is hui
man nature TO want few more grains on
the cob
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

1t isapparently useless to tell the truth
when you know you won't be believed
ANYHOW.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Pure Cod-Livcr OIL made from selected iiyers,
on the sea shore, by GAswBLL, HAZARD d Co, New
York. II is absolutely pure and sweet. Patients
who have once taken 1t prefer 1t to all Others
Physicians have decided 1t superior to any OF The
other oils In market.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

No man of honor will steal a kiss from
girl when he can just as well give her
one.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

AEpEE U0ME in San Luis Park, Colorado
k"hEE HUME Homestead, presumption,
n tree Claim. Farming by irrigation, safest
system. No drouth, no foods. Canal com.
pleted. Water ready. Crops absolutely sure
first season. Home market. Surrounded by
free grazing ranges. For full information
address,
Colorado Loan & Trust Co., Denver. Colo
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Too many young men of the day need
Guardians and not wives.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

Chapped Hands, Face, Pimples, and rough
Skin, cured by using JUMPER Tar SOAR mace ps
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

IPkRN TELEGRAPHY, or SHORT HAND and
4 bhhh TYPE WRITING here. Situations far.
IL nishcJ. Address Valentine Bros, JoHrSvi.e, Mia
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

There should be no limit to the size OF
a key-hole after midnight
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

ss9sEsrF sogyg,ns t,Sn n,, , ;,y , an Z
NPsWW Gl. srEFnESs' LSOanoi.. On q
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

1t is impossible to make up with lat
rim what you lack in brains.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1885-02-07

| are caused ny BrlgnCS disease Oh Inc
kidneys. This may sound like a rash
statement, but am prepared TO fully
verify it. Brights disease has no dis
tinctive symptoms Of its own. (indeed, it
often develops without any pain what.
ever in the Kidneys or their vicinity, J
but has the symptoms of nearly every
other common complaint. Hundred Of
people die daily, whose burials are au-
thorzed by physicians certificate as
occurring from Heart Disease" "Apo
plexy," paralysis" Spinal Complaint, y
Rheumatism" "Pneumonia," and other
common complaints, when in reality II
is from Bright's disease of the kidneys
Few physicians, and fewer people real.
ize the extent Of this disease or its dan
T gerous and insidious nature. 1t steals
into the system like thief, manifest
its presence If al all by the commences
symptoms and fastens itself upon the
constitution before the victim is aware
of it. 1t is nearly as hereditary as con
sumption, quite as common and fully a:
fatal.
Entire families, inheriting, it from
their ancestors, have died, and vet none
of the number knew or realized thu
mysterious power which was removing
them. Instead of common symptoms j
often shows none whatever. but bring!
death suddenly, from commissions. apo
plexy OF, heart disease. As one who hai
suffered, and knows by bitter experience
what he says, implore every one who
reads these words not to neglect til,
slightest symptoms of kidney difficulty
Certain agony and probable death will
be the sure result OF such neglect, and NJ
one can afford to hazard such chances
am aware thar such an unqualified
atement as this, coming from me
known as / am throughout the entire