davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14
The Line-Kiln Club.

81 hold heah in my hand," said
Brother Gardner, as he slowly rose up
at the opening of the meeting, ga letter
from cull'd pusson in Texas informin'
us dat he has named his baby Brudder
Gardner Holdback. I presume it am
boy baby, though it may be gal. De
writer fatters hisself dat he has done a
smart thing, an dat de fucher of dat
chile will be plain sailin'. If anybody
wants to name his offspring arter me or
Sir Isaac Walpole, or Givedam Jones,
or Judge Cadaver, we can't hinder, but
so fur as I ar personally consarned I
want to indulge in few remarks in re-
gard to dis habit.
81 verify believe dat de foolishness of
sartin parents in tyin' names to deir off
springs has beclouded an wrecked many
lives. De ole man who was shovelin'
snow mex doah to me de odder day
was named Henry Clay. 1t was on de
ideah dat he would make a mighty
smart man, but de mint he got old
huff to realize who an what Clay was
he pulled right back. He couldn't
nebber git dar', and he knowed it. In
stead of bein' addressed as Henry Clay,
eberybody calls him Hank Dirt, an
he's gwine to be called dat till de clay
kivers his coffin.
"Some vars ago a naybur O. mine
named his baby Washington Lincoln
Grant Smith He war bound to fill
dat boy chock full O. military genius
an craftsmanship, but de chile wasn't
fo' vars ole befo' he realized dat it was
too steep. He hadn't reached ten befo'
he was thief an liar, an de odder
day he went to prison for burglary. De
name was too long fur de public to
grapple wild an so he was called wash
Grant Later on it got to be wash
board an by de name of Washboard
Smith he am registered on de prison
books.
81 has seen Prime Minister Jones
drawin' swill cart around, while just
behind him, leading yaller dog by a
piece of old clothesline, came Mont
morenci Stubbins. I has seen Queen
Catharine Bivens at de wash tub, while
de Princess Bienville was a. hangin' out
de clothes fur her. has whitewashed
on de same job wild Gar Jackson, an I
has blacked stoves alonside of George
de Fo'th Bones.
''De white folks am jist as bad, an it
really does me good to see by de papers
dat sHortense Victoria Clark has skip
KEEP out wild de Lisle Fitzhue Brown,
who was a purfeshional roller skater
loafer on salary of S. per week. Ebery
day de Police Judge am sendin' Zacha-
riah Chambers, Roscoe Conklings,
Thomas Jeffersons and Henry w. Long
fellows to de jug, an ebery day de good
old names of Jane an Betsey an Sarah
an Emma an Lucy am CROWN in con-
tempt wild de female sect.
"Speakin' fur de cull'd race alone, |
say dat de fadder who rises above Moses
or Samuel or William when huntin' fur
name fur his boy baby am coaxin'
biles and bunions to grow whar' dey
doan' need to. De mudder who can't
make selection from Chloe, Catherine,
Violet an Sarah Jane, needn't feel riled
if her gal runs off wild a bowlegged
stoveblacker an ends up her days in a
garret. Let us now attack de reg 'lal
purceedin's.
pGg-You may shrink from the fal
reaching solitudes of your heart, but nc
other foot than yours can tread them
nSRNn deoree of knnwledpe attaina
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14
FatherIy Advice.

"You wish to be lawyer, John-wel, I'd not say
word
Unless felt quite certain that your longings are
absurd;
I don't wish to discourage you, but then / can't
consent
To board you as hev to do, and pay your office
rent.
"You're got lusty set of limbs and ordinary
head,
And you were meant by common toll to earn your
daily bread;
And thriving farm and pleasant home where
man and wife agree,
Beat any ne-horse lawyers luck as far as you
can see.
eff you'd been born with talent, John, you'd long
ago hev shown
That you had gifts, by stealing off to study books
alone;
Now, if you're ever read book, I rally don't
know when,
Though, come to think, I blieve you sling some
what legal pen.
"Be wise, my boy, the legal ranks are more than
crowded now,
And half of them who starve therein was cut out
for the plow,
But they mistook pure laziness for talent, under
stand,
Anfaelp to fill big supply where there was no
demand.
care not they educated? Yes, but here let me
explain,
Seed that's grown in shaky soil brings forth but
little grain;
And this higher education fitted to a common
mind
Is like pair of big gold specs upon man that's
blind.
"There is no prouder place than 'twixt the han
dies of plow,
Though stumpy land has humbled me at times, L
must allow,)
And as for human greatness, should think 1 had
my share
If 1 could take the prize for hogs at our next
county fair.
"Just emulate your sire, my son, and just as sure
as fate,
You'll live to be respected, though perhaps you
won't be great
But enter law and five short years will clean you
out so bad
You'll have no recollection of the last square meal
you had"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

sSgSam Oppenheimer, of San Anto-
MO, was one of the passengers on the
San Saba stage that was robbed few
weeks ago. "Shell out your money or
off goes the top of your head" remark
ed one of the robbers, holding pistol
under Sans nose. "Three hundred
dollars wash all I got, so hellup me
schiminy grashus." "Hand 'em over. F"
Sam did so, keeping back six dollars.
"What are you keeping six dollars for7"
mildly inquired the robber, pressing
the pistol against Sans head. "Mine
Gott, don't you let man take out two
per. cent, ven he advances money nit
out securities ?" asked Sam.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14
Jersey Cows.
Rural Mem Yorker.

One of the most remarkable qualities
of Jersey COWS is their inclination to
give milk all of the time-all the year
round. This is an item of no small
consequence. 1t makes about one-third
difference in the income from COW.
The famous Short-horns won't do it,
however much "Stockman" and other
admirers may vaunt their good quail
ties; neither will any beef breed. l do
not think any thing the less of them be-
cause they do not or cannot give milk
all the year round. 1t is asking too
much, and reminds one of the striking
parable about gathering "grapes of
thorns or figs of thistles."
How much talk and worry would be
saved if people would only agree with
me that everything has place and
everything has its own peculiarities,
and is especially fitted for some distinct
purpose. This philosophy, common
place as it is, does not seem to be re-
cognized by lots of cattle breeders.
Each think his kind possesses all the
merits of the cow species, and that it
can make beef, tallow, butter aud cheese
at the same time. We want cattle for
a marked propensity for some distinct
thing, and when this is butter we should
be satisfied, and if simply milk, then
that is enough. Breeding in line to
establish and promote this quality is
reach towards perfection, and makes
such animals valuable. The same is true
in regard to beef. There is nothing
"fancy" about this, or ''wild." There
may be zeal and enthusiasm, but these
are good things, and no breeder will
succeed without them.
There is a family of Jerseys, on Kir-
by Homestead, that never go dry. One
of them give third of a pail of milk
up to the day of calving; yet the COW
was strong and active and the COW did
well. We generally stop milking few
days before the calving, but this pre-
caution was over looked. Other Jersey
COWS in this section do not become dry
and are MIXED up to very short time
of calving. This continuous milking
makes the Jerseys handy and valuable
for the family. Most COWS go dry from
three to four months. 1t is not extra
food which stimulates our Jerseys to hold
milking, as they are not fed extra; but
it is their nature, and this characteris-
tic descends from generation to genera
ton. This is virtue which offsets the
deficiency of beef in Jersey; but then
did "Stockman" ever eat any Jersey
beefp 1t is not necessary that an animal
should be big to make good beef and
sixteen ounces of it make pound, and
it does not take any more food to make
pound of beef in Jersey than in a
Shorthorn. One would imagine, to
hear some of the anti Jersey talk, that
when Jersey had finishedits course and
filled her last butter tub, nuisance
must be disposed of. Not SO. With
little food, good beef may be made OF
her at moderate cost.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

D9@No degree of knowledge attaina-
Bile by man is able to set him above the
want of hourly assistance.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

g1HA clergyman at Cambridge
preached a sermon, which one of his
auditors commended. eyes," said a
gentleman to whom it was mentioned,
cit was a good sermon but he filched
it." This was told to the preacher he
resented it, and called on the gentle.
man to retract what he said. 81 an
not" replied the aggressor every ap
to retract my words but in this instance
Twill /; l said you had stolen the sermon
l find | was wrong; for on returning
home, and referring to the book whence
l thought it. was taken, found i
] there"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

B@The most effectul way to air beds
and bed clothing is to throw the clothes
over chair and lift the mattress partly
over the footboard in room, hoop-like
fashion, and, if a feather bed is used
pull it off upon a chair. Then open
the windows and doors so that a cur
rent of fresh air can pass through the
room, and let it remain so for two or
three hours, or even longer. Beds thus
aired are always healthful, and will in
duce sound sleep in their occupants.
Each member of the family should be
trained to do this daily, and never al
lowed to leave the room until it is so
arranged. Boys as well as girls can be
taught TO do this, and they will reap
theabeneft of it through their lives, and
be sure to have their children trained
in the same way.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

BgOne who is content with what he
has done will never become famous for
what he will do, he has lain down to
die.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-11-14

D@Love is like honesty-much talk
ed about but little understood,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
A PRETTY NTORY

From me san Francisco Post
tough which Is NOuChed For, AFTER tash'
ion ia going rounds and given for what Is worth IL
il related that MI s. NJ WAS sitting IN his DsokydTd
talking to some friends when his attention was called 10
a hen with brood of young chickens ana "A large rat
that had emerged its hole, and quietly rc-aid-
lug the young chickens with the prospect of meal 10
view As the rat came from Its hole tue house cat
awoke from her afternoon nap ana caught sight O the
rat Ctouchng low she waited developments, anu st0Oi
urepared to spring upon his ratship AT the apicaaee
Of his ancient enemy the cat, Scotch terrier when hHi
been suunmg itself in the wOOdshed prlcked up Us ears
and quietly made for the place where The cat stool AT
this moment boy came upon the scene Iho chickens
were not c0gnzut OF beng watched 10y the rat nor dd
the rat see Cue cat the feline the dog WHO had nor
noticed the coming OF the boy. little chick wandered
too nigh and he was seized by the rat which MAS III
turn rouuced upon by the cat and tue eat was clsh IA
the mouth by tie dog The rat wou" MOI cease as h9d
on the chicken aud the cat IN spite OF the shaking o
was getting the dog did not let go the rat was
FUN Tor the boy and in high See he watched tie contest
and the struggle each OF the victims IL seemed 10
him that the rat was about to escape after uhe.
ana getting he hurled U mt the rodent The aiin
WAS n of good aud stone struck the dog right etW.cn
the eyes The released It's grip on the cat ana e
over dead IL had breathcd its last before the cat u u
LEI 90 the rat and turned and died The rat dd not
iorg survive enemy, and beside tue already dcii
chicken no laid himself down and gave no tue sh"St.
The owner OF the dog angry at his deat tha lac IS
sai1 TO Lave making the story cDinpVte pt
killing tho bog that killed the do that shook the cat tdS
caught the rat that BIT the chicken In tie yard Oh
SIR
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
THE FRENCH INTERVIEWER.


1t was arranged between the chief correspondent OF
an English newspaper ald his has the latter
should attend the Chambers OH particular day. On biz
return the assistant furnished an interesting account OF
Interviews with leading French statesmen The chief
was much pleased with 1t and Immediately tclegraphed
1t to England Soon after conversation arose about an
occurrence on one OF tue bOulevards. BIT" said his
cher il you it, you cannot have been at tls
Chambers" Well, 1 have not becn." You do not
mean 10 saw YOU have not had the interviews e. Yes
1 do +" Aud YOU have invented the conversations e.
what they must have said II / had seen them"
The chief lived in fear and trembling for day or two.
but there IemOustancc the part or the French
statesmen The dangerous experiment il telleyed 10
have Leen repeated but not always with the same
sucCeSs.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
A STORY OF Arthur GILMAN.

PROM
number of architects were taking tho other day oil
ecuDatie OF tho bright men OF the profession in
,son, and they agreed hat the late Arthur Gilman
who designed the city Hail. Arlington street Church and
horticultural Hall. took the palm for dashing self
confidence Tho way in which his practical humOr
cropped ont amid seemingly adverse conditions was
recalled by two good stories. Though lie made good
money managed To spend more and the result
that he applied certain occasion 10 take the poor
debtors oath 10 be able TO take this oan person has
asfy the magistrate that he is not worth go III tue
world outside OF certain exempted articles OF property
The questions put TO Mr. Gilman By the counsel for ths
criitDr elected the that Lie boarding at the
fremont House. then kept by that prluce OF Landlords,
Paran stevens at the rate OF SIC q week.
is not tails high price for a who hasn't got $50
in the world e. asked tho lawyer. The architect hest
lated about this troublesome question: but
bein told by the Judge that he must reply 10 IL, no
exClai ned:
Ncs your honor have often told Mr.. stevens that
he Sas charging "A great deal too much. aud wish
YOUR honor would the matter to lin In thls
hight" 80
The coolness OF this speech conyused its hearers and
the JUDGE knew Gilman well Ia his social relations
could not refrain from joining IN the merrlment The
witty architect was allowed To take the Oath.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
AT THE WEDDING.

Boston EDefltNI HecOTd.
daughter OF q Boston merchant or great wealth,
wide mercantile connections and boundless hospitality
was lately married The Western agent OF the merchant
happened to dc in town, and as the proud father
inviting about everybody his daughters wedding, he
invited the Wcstcrner too. The Mcsterncr cane Ho
uneasy and shifted about from place to place in tue
house II he hunting for spots that lifted him
betcr than the hal been in. lie put Us hands
nonchalanty things and took them of again suddenly
he found them nBt, and griuned Familiarity at people
he had before and then suddenly drew bis
features with CHASTITY sOlemnity IL seemed to be
OF great and oyerpOwerng novelty TO him.
When the refreshments around he was Inclined 70
fight shy OF pretty neary everything IL was As II no
proposed take little Boston iormaty, now that
lie was Boston and require an introduction 10 every
dish. His host that he wasn't eating much, and
came around to see about ID. -
why, you aren't eating anything, Mr.. West" said
he " Can't help you TO something T.
No, thank Ou" said the Westerner. I amt very
hungry to- night; reckon I've eat enough"
Just then waiter came along with some croquette5
Mr.. West take one II these croquettes think you'll
Ike them; take one. take one
TIC Westerner took one He prnched 1t with his fork
laid It open bit and examined 1t critically. Then he
tasted 1t and exclaimed:
"(,Oali HdSHI
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
NOT GOOD JUDGES or SHA WIS

From The LtWiS0H (He.) Journal
Hanging in Oswald & Armstrong; window on Lisbon.
ST. M elegant cashmere shaws. There IA nothing
more misleading perhaps, than cashmere shawl, but
the ordinary lady purchaser pides herself on what she
knows about sucD things. Thursday afiornoon two
ladies' entered and asked look the shawls
The shawls produced AM displayed " the ladies'.
They pulled nc them and icked at them aud discussed
them aud finally turned aside with air OF Indifference,
they had fOuL1 merit Whatever. IN them. Tho
Obging LADY clerk had become Interested In their exam
ination, and the ladies about to away,
asked what they thought OF the shawls.
One Ot tho women only spoke up She stuck her long
forengcr under OF tho shawls and pulng at again
replied " Oh, nothing much / saw the shaws In tho
window, that ALL | thought then that they were
pretty cheap at 81, but don't want 'em" The tag
the goods might have msled them and perhaps the out
ward pearince OF the rich fabric OF the shaws mS
have aided In the deception The tag marked 800
instead OF g. The explained the difference 10 her
customers. Both Of them 1t Is saii looked Us though
they would like TO have the roof fall on them
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
MR. MARMADCKE'S OPINION.

Washington COTTeSDOndenee Ctecdend LSddtr
There not RADICAL spokesman in the country
than "a Missouri Democrat and curious scene occurred
I'm the Presidents at the White House tue other day
when Governor Marmadukc, OF Missouri WAS advocating
the OF Frank Blair as Dstrlc Attorney.
Cleveland evidently did not want TO appoint him. and
Governor Marmatuke, who was standing very boldly
before him. with hand in his pocket and gesturinS
with the other xiOus that he should DC appointed
and appointed once. lie undertook TO adysc the
President about the matter.
lie said Nav. Presi lent Cleveland. you are going to
have great trouble here without you pursue different
course. Now. 1 Governor OF Missouri. don't
exuect to ha than term and when have an
office I appoint just who - please. Now you arc
President the United states. lou don't expect to
have more than term. and yOu ought 10 appoint just
who YOU = please" The President laughed ani said
he did not know but that MarmaduieS rule Was good
INA
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
DREAMS.

Weary and sick with summers heat and glare,
Aud lon cling for breath OF cooler afr
And country fields, turned my eyes to where
BE side my desk there stands an empty chair
And you were there.
saw you and my griefs seemed light to bear;
Isaw you and the world again grew fair
And did you come diyinng my despair,
To tighten by yoar presence oil my care
Dear. were you therel
ALICE TRUMBULL LEARNED.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
AHORA NO; MJNAN4 81.

["To-dEyno; tomorrow yeS."l
He was the brayest man OF all Colombian chivalry,
but still he answered in their languid speech
"AhOra no. mdHdnd Si.'
him when tho deadly fight went thundering By the
All then knew tho man and heard him cry:
4" AdIaHd no; ah0rd a!'
man to follow mid tho rush and OF war was he,
A man loved but We alas! shall meet
Z" AhorG no; ndadna ST.
IRVING KING.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
QUESTION OF NOMENCLATURE.


Professor GumbOl Smith arose TO q question OF
privilege The other day white referred TO him
A." coon" and "m0ke," and he had been severely
ceured by several members OF the club for
ing the insult lie would like decision by the President.
my dear brudder," said the President rs he io0keI
down upon him. IL 1t does sartin white heaps Ut
good to refer to cullud men coons anu 'mokes'
dunno why should kick II dOan' Spite our COM
plexun nor make our ha'r knk any de wuss."
can't agree wild de President" announced tho Rev.
Penstock he bobbed up. Dc white who insults
me had better look Outw
Brudder Penstock, sOt down! Oar coons an
mOkes long huff afore you war BON, ant OF 'cm
knowed fully much you do! dc man, matter
what his color who gifts his back up cherry time anybody
of his mouth will land up In dc fool asylum afore
he dies De char sustans Brudder Smith In preservlR
a grin his face when called moke aud 0 COON ,"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
VALLIyGFORD WICKEDYESS.

From The Hartford IiHfS. A..
Daring his sermon at tho Consegational thuten IN
son place lis watch shelf back OF the pulpit AFTER
church he attene Sunday school aad went hack eiter
tho thronoucter but IL was issinS Tue chuFeh "Oois
had remained open al tho while.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
rHE rALE or 4 SlIALL ROY.

From TIC BTulsWIck lHtD ItLegFdpH. .
A little fellow three years old visited OLD Orchard.
where he q monkey, with whose antics he
greatly pleased. Upon his retnrn home he asked
what lie and his prompt reply was: A little bog
with tall.n
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04

A CAPITAL IDEA.-AnxiOus Housekeeper !:
"But, Bridget, I'm afraid, with this unexpected com
pany at dinner we shall hard work to make boh
ends meet" Bridget Sure, mum. why not mako ono
end vegetable r'-IChicaEo Ramsiers
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
CURRENT ANECDOTES.
THE "IELP" OF rHB PERIOD


lady who lives In the suburbs, and who, as meaua
OF attracting kind OF feminlny tn do Der house,
work, puts out" ell her washing and ironing. on
Office the other day to perform her domestic service
minus this important part OF It, The lady was SUI.
mittiug, with her accustomed amiabe grace 10 the
usual catechsm for of course everybody knows that il
Is the lady OF the house who is the apple nowa
days, and IT. is she who Is submitted sort OF civil
service examination.
DO yon have set tubs T. asked the girl.
But what difference does 1t make ron whether
have stationary tubs, whom you don't have to tho
washing q
Because live with the quality that don't have
set tubs"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-10-04
All Used UD

strength all gone Tired oyerworked Feeling moan
and Naturalization neglect yourself loneer De-
LAYS are gerous The downward tendency OF your y
tenn must stopped You need tho toning srentserns.
building up properties OF Hoods sarsapara to restore you
10 health give you appetite and make you active cheerful
and willing
fet good results the first dose OF HOODS saaps
rilla II seemed go from my head to my toes kno.
Hoods Sarsapsrla good thing and the strength Oh
my experience have sold great deai OF IT, ="
sTRATToN, druggist wcsthcld, Mass
Hoods SarsaparilIa
Sold by all druggists ST. six for S.. Prepared only
CT HOOD 4 CO.. Apsthocarca Lowell aAss
100 Doses One Dollar
Hermanner Volksblatt. [volume] (Hermann, Mo.) 1875-1928, 1885-10-16

Lamb, Gpirus, 9behalien, unb auf ben
SnIeIn); bic 9I6aneieu Tin albanien)
unb enoIi9 Sie Sirten.
Die leeteren iinb buuptid6Ii6 in
Sul9arieu unb Rumelien anfdifig uuo in
Ronitdntinopel. Sic fino ibrer 3abl
mad am aueri6wd5iteu. Oieieni9cn,
weI9e in ben i~el6ititdnbi9eu Staaten oes
ebemaligen Eiirtenrei6s wobnen, ba6en
teine Se6eutun9 fir baiIeI6e mebr.
Sn ben 9rOUiusen, weI6e Dem Sulz
tan nod in europa 9ebOren, unb Die
400, 900 Giupobuer Ba6en, wobnen l
Otiqiou 8utsaren, l 200, OcO @rie6en,
l WtiQion MbaueIen uno LOO, 900
Sirten. Der Jteit o 4OO, 900 beltebt
aus GumGnen, Serbeu IL. /. 10
Die peri6ie6eueu 80Iteritdmme auf
Der ear;en 9altauz6 al6inieI in runben
,3abIen ange9eber, baben etpa foIgenoe
Stdrfe: Iumdnen 4 Millionen, Ser6en
+ Miuionen, 8utgaren + Riuionen,
Grie6en 3 N2iuionen, 2llbaneisu l Vtilz
lion un6 Siirfen u Miaioneu.
9bil. Gem.