Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-10-31
Should the President Marry?

Western newspapers are beginning
to urge upon the President the impor-
lance Of getting married and dividing
the cares Of state with somebody who
wears back hair and believes in the
perpetuity of American institutions
They say the country is bound to go to
the bow-wows unleHs Grover very
shortly braces up to some young
woman and gives her legal right to
boss the pudding at the White House.
Itis.urged that His ExcellencY ought
to have somebody around with whom
he could consult occasionally without
the formality of calling a Cabinet
meeting. Somebody who would haul
him over the Goals now and then for
the good Of the nation and tell him
when to change his undershirt. The
President needs a counselor who would
part his hair and talk plain English on
all occasions without too much waste
of more time in idle ceremony-s wo-
man with clear-cut opinions about
everything under the sun, and no shy.
ness about giving expression to the
same. His Muchness needs some one
in the house who would mix a little
sand with his diet at times, and feel
a stronger interest in him than politics
can inspire. Some one who would tell
him how the Government ought to be
run without any milk>and-water nom
sense, and who would take him down
a peg or two whenever he neglected
matters of public Importance and went
to blowing about how much fun he had
in the mountains last summer. The
Hope of the Nation ought to have
somebody on the ground day and night
who would scratch his back and rub
him with arnica when he falls over the
coal>scuttle in the dark, without strik-
ing him for an office while it is being
lonesome black.eyed gazelle with a
strength Of character strong enough to
take His Exalted Nibs by the ear and
yank him into the path that leads to
national prosperity as often as the
vicssitudes of the hour might seem to
require. The exigencies of the time
demand that the Pride of Buffalo
should have some one near him who
has no ak to grind and no private
ambition to gratify-some one with
spectacles of clear glass, and head
not muddled with partisan interests.
Somebody who would take him by the
coat>collar on Sunday mornings and
shake him down into his clothes so that
he might go to the sanctuary without
looking like a publican and sinner.
Some earnest, careful woman who
would see to it that he didn't 60 to
church with his necktie under his left
ear, or rush down town in hurry with
his old vest on. A woman who would
look after his personal appearance with
as much zeal as she would guard her
own honor, and keep the feathers out
Of his hair during the vacations of Con-
gress. AS at present situated the
President has nothing but his own im'
maculate dignity to keep him at home
of nights. and no means whatever Of
finding out what is going on in the
neighborhood.
This country has been run on the
single.bedstead plan too much for its
own good already, and change IN the
habits of the administration is earnestly
desired by every one who has the well
being of the nation seriously at heart.
If a man has no society except that Of
politicians and inOffensive partisans he
is liable to get reckless in various ways.
and become more or less careless about
his dress, and he ought to have some
body around whose business it would
be to keep him spruced up and tell
him when his toe nails ought to bt
trimmed. AS our Government is now
organized nobody has the right to dust
the dandruff from the Executive should
ers, or intimate to His LOftiness wher
it would be proper to let up on The
affairs of state long enough to take {
bath or get his hair cut. When mar
is plunged into public duty up to hi