West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-06-26
YOUTHFUL DEPRAvITY.
Extraordinary Development Ia the Way
of TorturiDg tho Oueon's English.

Extraordinary Development Ia the Way
of Torturing tho Queens English.
About n year ago n boy of the
African persuasion, about fourteen
years old, obtained employment i'm tho
general utility department of family
grocery store in the lower section of
Grand River avenue. Fred" as he
was called for short, soon rose Co the
position of scrgcant-at-arms g mo de-
livery wagon, putting in his spare time
in doling out allspice, Goldfish and
molasses 20 those hungering and thirst
ing for goods of those patterns. Being
bright, pleasant-loolIing lad, prompt
and accommodating he was, to all ap-
pearance, ON the high road to farther
promotion, but il seems he could not
bear prosperity. In an evil hour he be-
came, no one can divine how, addicted
to the dctcstable vice OF punning. n
practice tacitly supposed to be con
fined TO persons who have been longer
exposed Co the taint of evil assOcia-
tons, especially those who have crossed
the confines of second childhood The
first known manifestation of the trait
occurred few weeks ago upon the oc-
casion OF customer inquiring OF the
youth II the concern had any oil on
sale. "Well," was the response,
should sm'olr' The scnsfbiltes of
his employer, quite naturally, received
severe shock from the hapless dis
covery, but nc silently nursed his grief
The same customer Yonturcd the i'm
quiry whether it would be consistent to
ask the loan OF n small can wherewith
TO convey half a gallon Of the oeagin-
Gus fluid TO his home. BestOwing a fur
tive glance upon the customer The en-
bryO merchant responded: "Some folks
can and some folks can'tp' Inside Of
two or three days at least score of
similar sallie5 were projected. To a
gentleman who solicited information as
20 the cause Of an appreciation of one
cent In the value OF cheese, the reply
was that he "cOuldn' think of anything
i'm particular that had occurred: IL was
only "a whey IL had lie did not think
IL reasonable 20 expect the price OF eggs
TO iluctuate with that Of breadstulls, ~
"their consumers. unlike those Of the
latter commodity, were not subjects Of
a foreign yOlk." Upon the occasion Of
one of the daily visits Of yendor Of
p es, who was rather disposed 20 put on
airs, hc quietly remarked Not to
mince matters. / would beg leave 20 inn
part valuable piece of Information.
II you were not quite so short and
crusty ] think your intercourse with
your iellOw-men would be u little more
conducive 10 true piety One more
example ought not - he omitted a
little girl came up 10 the counter saying
that her grandmother had sent her for
two shillings' worth Of sugar, but she
was unable 90 SAY what kind Fred.
after moment reflection. commenced
weighing out the saccharinc product,
saying: II think we can iix you out
with something that will make your
granny )latedn' And 80 ON to the end
Of the chapter.
As already intimatnd, Fred is n
pleasant. hOncst-appearinQ boy, giving
in bis personnel no sign Of the wretch
he is His employer is tired and is
anxious 10 sell out II is enough. he
says, 10 make thc average American
disgusted, and like Captain Columbus,
break away and Try 10 discover some
new country. - DcfTOu Post
The dress roiOrmors arc about DO.
iitioniug fashion mayazines To- cease The
publication of colored plates, which.
they claim give such distorted appear
ancc TO womans figure The unduly
small wa -ts and high heels are partc-
ularly Objectionable aud a strong o.
fort is 10 be- made 'o induce physicians
and women Of high social standing TO
END their name t9 .ho furthcrancc OF
thcir suppression N y. Graphie
A town in Buffalo County, d. r.,
hss been named Boz honor Of the first
lady res ldont Slade Mrs Slale was
nearly killed In ct clouo there M 1888.
- LL.L...r Y.-L....