The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-04-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

| York paper, which says: "a young
lady would like position as dish-wash-
| er in restaurant"
A fashion paper says that undress-
| ed kids are the proper things for the
opera. The Society for the Prevention
| of Cruelty to Children should see to it
that this does not become custom.
''Hello!' said Buckle as he met
Barnacle. Barnacle is particular, and
replied: "Why don't you say Good
morning when you meet gentle
man?" Il do" answered Buckle
| Providence Nesos.
''Step this way,if you please, ladies,
said the gracious foor-walker, as he
| 1--WE are sorry" said madam "but we
never learned to walk that way
/ Yonbers Statesman.
Smith, why don't you get your dia-
monds insured?" said Jones' Where
can l do that?'' innocently asked
Smith. ''At the United States Plate
Glass Insurance Company, of course,
replied Jones, and a GOODNESS has grown
up between them.-PitSburg Chront-
If man spends 5 cents a day, six
days week for fifty-two weeks, for to-
bacco, drinks 1871 quarts of poor beer,
trot day and refuses to subscribe to an
agricultural paper, how big mortgage
has he got on his farm?-Greenfel
(Mass.) Country Home.
| Father, what is luxury?" asked
little Johnnie the other night as he
wrapped himself round the parlor
stove. "a luxury? Why, it's some
thing we don't really need, you know
"a thing we can do without" "Well,
them" replied the logical youth, what
a luxury mosquito net must be in
Winter!'
A plumber having amassed fortune
at his trade, abandoned the former oc-
cupation and opened a drug store. In
six weeks he failed so fat that he went
to Jail and sent his family to the poor
house. 1t is thought that his former
occupation had not trained him to
charging high enough prices to succeed
in the drug business. -Sunday- School
Quarterly.
One of our exchanges from way back
tells how the country choir spent the
time during one of the parson long
sermons. Among other things, the al
to laid her head on the basso profundo's
shoulder and quietly slept for an hour.
She certainly ought to have been put
out, for when the minister looked up he
caught her mapping on first base
Portland (Ne.) Press.
''Of the seven newspaper men who
reported Webstcr's famous address at
the laying of the cornerstone of Bun
ker Hill monument, Edward Everett
Hale is said to be the only one now
living" AS Mr.. Hale was only years
old when Webster delivered his speech,
his reportorial work on that occasion
may be set down as phenomenal jour
nalistic feat.-Attant0 Constitution.
There had been some illness in the
family, and when kind-hearted but
inquisitive neighbor asked Johnny who
had been sick he promptly answered:
''Oh, it's my brother, that's all. y
s'What was the matter with him?"
Muffin, only he was just sick" Il
know. but what allied him?' 80,
I dunno" What did he have?" He
had the DOCTOR" That closed the in
QUESTION. Christian at Work.
II wish you would come to see me
oftener, Charlie" murmured Claribell,
as they sat in the front parlor trying to
find out which knew the least. '.Ah,
but you know, darling, | am here every
night" Eyes, | know that, but wish
you'd come oftener." well, but
don't you see if | did | would have 10
leave oftener, ha, hap" Yes, that
was what | said And then he asked
her if she knew where he had put his
hat.-BoSt0n Post.
A mental bearing large package
entered the Office of a great Houston
daily. whats that?" asked the edi-
tor. Mrs. Smith has written five
act play and she wants YOU to look over
| it and give her a criticism. She will
call for it next week. Good morning."
And, lifting the package down from his
shoulder, the mental placed it on the
table and started for the door. s'Come
back here. You just wait five minutes
and then you can take it along with
you," exclaimed the editor eras
Sytings.
Joncs-"Why, my boy, what's the
matter? You look Ill" Smith-"Yes;
I've had fearful night. Couldn't
sleep a wink. Don't know what's the
matter" .'Well, 1 know. You are
too hard on your digestive organs.
These late suppers are very bad; and,
besides, you don't stop there, either.
What did you have after we parted last
night?" Nothing, except half-doz-
en- raw" Il thought so. Remember
hereafter that it's the last raw that
breaks the camels back. "-Philadel-
fhia Call.
Il called to consult you in regard to
the Snow and Ice ordnance" he said,
as he took a seat in lawyers Office.
eff l fall down on -" eff YOU fall
down on an icy walk you can bring
suit for damages, of course" 'Can,
ehP And l can make the tenant pay?"
I'm guarantee you can" But this
is case when some one slipped down
on my sidewalk" "Ah! see! Very
well, sir. Wen prove contributory
negligence. and beat him higher than a
| kite! What day is the case set for?''-
Detroit Free Press.
| In Michael Davitt's story of his pris-
on experience he quotes verbatim the
language of London pickpocket, who
thus recited the history of his arrest:
Il was logging down a blooming slum
in the Chapel when l butted a reeler
| who was sporting red slang Ibroke
off his jerry and boned his clock, which
was a red one, but l was stopped by a
copper who claimed me. l was lugged
before the beak, who gave me six doss
in the Steel. The week after l was
chuckedup 1 did snatch near ST.
Paurs, was collared, Jagged, and got
this bit of seven stretch. '-Neao York
Star.
Gen. Phelps, who died recently, was
| thorough soldier, and in some respects
eccentric. When Buffers troops ar
rived at Ship Island Gen. Phelps, who
was already there, in strolling around
| came across man dressed in red, bag
| py trouSarS lappinc lirht blno ~