The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1885-03-04

hands and rocked backward and for
ward as though he was utterly over>
come 10y my humor. The audience
were not to be lured into following his
example.
silence ~ shouted one.
Don't interrupt the speaker" howl
ell another.
Turn him out ~ roared a third.
And half the audience rose to see
who had caused what they thought an
unseemly and riotous interruption TO
the evenings proceedings. A farmer
looking man near Smith had thick
in his eye. thought he meant bust
ness, and would go for him. | had
come TO dead standstill. and my agent
saw his opportunity. He leaped on one
of the empty forms aud proceeded to
address the audience.
Ladies and gentlemen" shrieked
he, al am free and enlightened
citizen of this glorious Republic, and
claim the proud privilege of enjoying
Mr.. Artemus Wards anecdotes. When
| enjoy anything | laugh out aloud,
and when laugh | make noise. /
east no reflections on you, my fellow
citizens. but it's clear to me your heads
are too thick for Mr.. Wards stories to
penetrate. l." (the rest of the
sentence was lost in the confusion that
followed).
"Out with him."
"Who is he?'
"Hi!Hi. Pitch him in the pond.
DRY upw
And hundreds of similar observations
rent the air. | pantomimed 10 Smith
to withdraw. He obeyed; and peace
being restored, | proceeded. The cpl
sode rather amused me, and / fell into
my best vein. | told them anecdote
after anecdote, story after story, and
fired off a fusillade of crisp and biting
jests. IL was no use could not for
1 the soul of me rouse them to any out
ward expressions of appreciation or
enjoyment Then felt vexed. At last
! | grew whimsically vicious in my de-
spair. In for penny in for pound,
thought |, when l suddenly stopped,
and glaring defiantly at certain man
in the audience. pointed at him with
my index finger, and, looking at my
watch, said
Ladies' and gentlemen, for three-
quarters of an hour | have been trying
my hardest to dig laugh out of you.
don't wish to be personal, but if that
man with the red hair and the long
nose doesn't laugh soon l shall stop
this solemnity and go and hang my
self.n
Now, mark the provincial mind.
The audience no had passed over some
crusted Joe Millers, regarded this allu-
sion to the red haired man with the
long nose az IA tremendous local joke
which they thoroughly understood, and
they simply set up howl. 1t turned
out that the victim of my daringly inn
pertinent observation was a political
tailor on the unpopular side of the house
who was i'm the habit of being violently
chaffed at the towns meetings. | had
made fiuke-a hit-a grand and
unexpected coup; and | wound up my
lecture a. quickly as possible, having
secured, at any rate, one resonant
ringing outburst. Ii is true, | had not
calculated on this combined result D
audacity and accident; but | felt the
audience had had something for theil
money, and had not left their home,
entirely in vain. As they prepared tC
disperse, | said:
"Oh ladies and gentlemen, l forgot
, to mention that there is a key to this
lecture, an explanatory second part
which | shall deliver this day three
, weeks i'm Washington. Any person
who feels that he has not mastered my
subject i'm its various details will b'
given a free ticket at Washington, il
case he would like to attend. | may als'
say that | will be at the Buck Hotel to
morrow up to 80 A. NJ, and to any ont
who wishes to confer with me i'm rsgar'
to the Jokes have perpetrated, shall
have great pleasure in explaining them
and shedding any light on them in m!
power. Aud bear in mind | make M
, extra charge for this"
The audience rolled out chatterini
away, and my faithful ]. p. Smith
: stood at the door to collect opinions.