The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-07-30
WIT AND HUNfOR.

1he feellnG between the rival ana
adjacent cities of St. Paul and Mime
apolis, Mimi, is sad to be so bitter
that, were Gabriel to take his stand in
either town and blow his trumpet, the
inhabitants of the other would not pay
the slightest attention to the sum-
mons.
mamma, what's bookworm?"
zone who loves to read and study and
collect books, my dear" The next
night company called. Miss Edith.
who wears rings innumerable, was
present. 80. mamma, look at Miss
Edith's rings. | guess she's ring
worm, amt sheP"
- When baby begins to ask questions
wise men take their departure. A "2-
Sear-old" can run the profoundest
scholar to ground in ten minutes. One
of them recently examined the eyes of
his sister and asked. mamma, where
does the Lord get his blue dust from?"
-Mdcon (Ga.) Telegraph.
A couple of guys waited upon the
rector of the Medical Faculty of the
Heidelberg University Professor
..What is it you want?" Both-''We
wish to sell our bodies for dissection
after DEATH" PrOfessOr-''Very good;
how much do you askP" Ioth-"Well.
you see at the University of Magde-
burg the gave us each ten thalersl"
Ranloristiche Btatter.
.-Oh, say, mai" exclaimed a bright
little girl at the Hoffman House while
at dinner. 1.hasn't that man over there
got awful big sarsa''
Hush, child: the gentleman might
hear you," cautioned the mother.
We'll. ma" retorted the precocious
youngster, '.if he couldn't hear me
with those ears he ought to haul 'em
down. "-Ne,O York Journal.
my brudder Moses nefer get rich
if he vhas in der clothing peeseaess for
tousand years.
Don't he buy goods close enOugh?"
'.Dot doan make somepody rich.
Derstroubles NIT Moses vhas dot he
vhas too oxcited. When he belief dot
England and Russia go to war he put
$500 into wheat. and in five days he
lose eafery cent.
..What should he have done?"
.'Keep dot money in his pocket and
mark his stock up 20 per cent "-WgU
Street NeUs.
Young Featherly, who was dining
with the family. was unremitting in
attentions to the eldest daughter.
'tI don't see that sister is eatin' any
SALT" ventured watchful Bobby.
'.Never mind what your sister Ia
eating. Bobby" interposcd the father
in alarm. Little boys should be seen,
not"
''Well, she ought to est SALT" in
sisted Bobby, "'cos ma told her last
night that everything what Mr.. Fsath-
erly said to her must be taken with
grain o. salt. ."-Neto York Times.
A Houston editor. whose name it is
not necessary to mention. as everybody
knows who is meant, was recovering
from spell of sickness. AS soon as
he was able to sit up, the doctor, who
had studied the patients constitution.
said:
"You are so much improved that
you can take Il toddy or glass of
beer"
Every fifteen minutes or every half
hour, doctor?" asked the journalist,
who began to feel himself again Ten
as Syttngs
''See here, Brinker," if you don't
quit dunning me for that little fool meat
bill there'll be rumpus between you
and me-"
'.Vell. how mooch dun youP Not
more as twice in Won week.
-'Hes-but see how long you've been
dunning me-over two years"
'.Vell, Gurnel, make bargain nit
You. OUT you dot bill pays Off don'd
dun you no more, hain't it?"
The Colonel refused to accept the
proposition, and Brinker will continue
in the dunning Enthusiastically
State Journal.
Johnny (who is spending the after
noon at the Smiths My mother says
she'd like TO look like you, Mrs.
Smith.
Mrs. S. (who is extremely plain. but
not entirely aware of it)-Like me. my
dearP | take that as a compliment,
. indeed, from so very pretty lady as
your mamma. You're quite sure it
was /, Johnny, that she meantP
Johnny (accepting another cruller)
oh. yes'm. She said that if she
could have your health and strength,
she believed she'd as lief look just as
you do.-Hafper's Bazar.
The Peasant Who Was Short on
Wheat-A Peasant who was Short on
Wheat for May Delivery, and found
Ruin Staring Him in the Face Betook
himself to the Cave of Philosopher
and said: 20. Wise Man, l am half
million Bushels of Wheat short on May
Delivery. 1 came to ask help of the
Gods through YOU" Know ye, my
Friend" replied the old man, that
the Gods Render Aid only when the
Lawyers have given up the Casep"
The next morning the Peasant was in
Canada. Moral: And his Lawyer Set
tied all Claims for 40 cents on the Dol.
lar
An amusing anecdote is told by an
old inhabitant of kinderhook of Thom-
as ID. Benton when the guest of Mr..
Van Buren at one of those dinner par
ties for which ''Lindenwald" was not
ed in its palmy days. After the desert
had been served, tinger-bowls were
brought in and were viewed with some
suspicion on the part of one or two of
the guests. When dinner was over,
Mr.. Benton said to a friend: Il OBJ
served Mr.. Van Buren immerse the
tips of his fingers in one of those little
glass bowls and wipe them daintily ON
his napkin. but just rolled back my
sleeves and took good, plain republi-
can wash. Brooklyn Eagle.
"a distinguished Boston divine, of
unusually solemn and impressive ap-
pearance, went to a country town not
long ago to lecture. He arrived early
in the afternoon, and all the town, of
course, spotted him within five min
utes as very great and very sanity
man.
He went into a drugstore, and, in
tones that froze the young blood of
the clerk behind the counter, said:
''Young-m -do-you-smoke?"
'Y-yes, sir,' said the trembling |
clerk I'm sorry, but l learned the
habit young, and haven't been able to
quit it yet. y
''Then, said the great divine, with
out the movement of muscle OF the
abatement OF shade of the awful SOL
emnity of his voice, lean you tell ME
where can get good cigar. "-Bos-
ton Record