Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-09-27

fowls. "Do you hear that sbomina.
bic din, sirr" asked the man Of war OIL
Mr.. Chuckles.
That gentleman admitted that he was
not entirely Indifferent to the sounds re-
ferred to, at the same time excusing
the conduct Of the poultry on the
ground that 1t was the natural vocation
Of chandeliers to proclaim the morn.
Proclaim the fiddlestick, sir !! " ex-
claimed the Major. Rubbish! Cock
growing time is at this period OF the
year 4 A. NJ"
"Well, then, luncheon-time. it it
will be more agreeable to you, Major"
insinuated Mr.. Chuckles.
Nothing can be agreeable to me-
sir, but satisfaction" replied the Ma
jor, frowning fiercely.
"My dear Major, you shall have
It'll"
"That's right, sir. Prospect you for
speaking out like a man, sir. Let us
60 Immediately to the bottom OF the
garden"
"N-n-not in the garden, think.
Major; we will have it in the room
this room just cold snack on tray
you know"
"Cold snack on a tray! Why, do
you visit to pretend, sir, that you are I'M
aware Of the object of my coming here!
What do you think ] climbed over those
wretched palings for?" -,
"To say truth, Major" answered
Mr.. Chuckles with the calmness OF des-
peration. 81 cannot comprehend why
you should put yourself to such in
convenience all on account Of such an
humble individual as myself"
do these abominable cochin-chinas
now in my garden belong to you, sir?'
demanded the irate warrior in measured
tones.
"They do-that is, they"
"Quite sufficient, sir. They are your
property; you admit the fact. Then,
pray allow me to inform you that the
flowers which just now are being root
ed up by your miserable fowls are Gull
tivated by me at no trihing cost; and
the Major " threw out" his chest and
endeavored to add an inch or two to his
stumpy figure. :,
"My dear Major" said Mr.. Chuckles,
~ shall be only too glad to"
"Giye me the satisfaction Of a gen.
tleman, eh?"
81 will pay anything"
"Pay, sir don't talk to me of pay
Insult to Major IroDlupgs can only be
wiped out in one way, sir, and that
is by-blood Will you meet me in
the dueNo ?" quoth the podgy warrior
in grandiose tones.
"Maior Ironlungs," replied the
peacefully. inclined Chuckles with
calmness of demeanor which did him
infinite credit, "you are, OF course
we'll aware that an enlightened age has
condemned the duello, as you term it
and, however much | might feel In
clined-"
"Ah, but you don't feel inclined,
can plainly see," interrupted the Major
ITO" continued Mr.. Chuckles, ig
noring he interruption, {" to accede t.
your request, / am afraid the opportu
nifty for us to main or kill each othei
would not be easily found, though W.
might, | dare say, take an excursion
across the Channel. I'll think the mat
. ter over, Major Ironlungs."
Now, a close observer would hav
detected look of disappointed surprise
, in the eyes of the gallant Major; jus
, az though he had received an answe
which he neither expected nor desired
The warrior turned to depart, and a
! he proceeded down the path, cried out
" / intended to have a shot at the oil
| bird to get my hand in Bit" He wa
evidently DESTROYS of disconcerting hi
7 (probably) prospective antagonist by a
= assumption Of bounce and brummager
r buster.
Mr.. Chuckles sought the repose q
e his easy chair, and, ensconced in 1t
springy depths, freely made use Of hi
: pocket-handkerchief in the Performance
of that operation commonly known a
: hopping" his shining Uranium
"Phew - he calculated, how war;
it is to be sure! What a fool | hav
g BEEN Only to think that /, Christie
I pher Chuckles, have almost undertake
: to fight a sanguinary duel with tina
7. brimstony old reprobate next door
Q It is simply ridiculous, now | com
to think of it coolly and calmly. Soc
!! ETY. is strongly against the barbarou
custom and as | am a respectable an
/ a respected member of society and
: good Christian how can | conscientious
$ " countenance a practice which tn
world, in common with myself, EN-
phatically taboos?" The worthy ma
e derived much comfort from these rehet
:. tons, and thereafter made up his min
9 that he would not crafty the Major b
standing before him as a living large
d TO be - bull's-eyed" or innered," q
the case might be.
u "Did | not hear Major lronlungs
conversation, or rather, think, alte
. cation, with you. Christopher, dear?
asked Mrs. Chuckles as she entered ii
:. room.
{ "Well, Maria, rather imagine 20
did,"
'' 81 thought the Major was speakir
!, in somewhat elevated tones. What WI
~ il Ali about. dear?'
Fighting, Maria !"
II Fighting !" echoed Mrs. Chuckle
" "Oh, | suppose he was describing
you some of his mighty exploits on Il
:. field Of battle?"
u mo, Maria; he did not allude to b
" past sanguinary career. The fact i
my DEAR" continued Mr.. Chuckl'
g. solemnly, "Major Ironlungs has cha
II lenged me to fight duel"
.. And you?" gasped Mrs. Chuckle
~ 81, Maria, as a family man, feel
10 my duty not to oblige that bellicose il
, diyidual."
"Ah!" sighed Mrs. Chuckles as 81
= = staggered. half fainting, and was on
% Just saved in time by the stalwart arm
of her lord and master.
= "Hillo, Maria do holdup. Isay-
7" Here Mr.. Chuckles came to a sud-,