The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-07-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

Wnen the dew was damp ana the hlgnt Was
cold:
Ard they crowded their way through the soil
with pride.
'Hurrah! We are going to be mushrooms
they cried.
But the sun came up, and the sun shone
down,
= LII the little white heads were shriveled and
brown:
Long were their faces. their pride had a fall
They were nothing but toadstools after all.
st. NichoIss.
1t is alleged that there is mes
senger-boy in this city so slow that his
shadow falls asleep while he is walking.
Boston Post.
An American claims that the north
pole is the site OF the Garden of Eden.
Then Ewes preference of figs over seal
skin is explained; they cost more and
had to be imported.
A young Boston lady writes to the
Boston Post: How should young
man kiss me?" No young man will
es to freeze to death.
A girl masquerading in boys cloth
ing slipped and fell. She said: ''Ouchr'
and this gave her away. A man would
nave been just as much hurt, but he
would have made different remark.
The following is a copy of bill
posted on the wall of country village:
"A lecture on total abstinence will be
delivered in the open air, and a collec-
ton will be made at the door to defray
| expenses"
A Western newspaper uses the fol-
lowing curious expression, seemingly
IN good faith, in the course of a bit of
fine writing: 1--WE bid him cometh
and he comes, and we bid him goeth
and he goes.'
DO you think your father is going
/ TO move out soon?h inquired the owner
of rented house of the son of his ten
ant. Think so,'' was the reply; 1--WE
have begun using the windowframes
| for tirewood."
The male Goldfish always takes care
of the eggs and young. The only peace
| in life which the male Goldfish enjoys
is when he gets sailed down and stored
away in country grocery.-Bur'irg-
ton (V) Free Press.
''Do you know that there is a great
difference between the country owl and
| the Boston owl?' No" sWell,
there is; the uncultured bird, you
] know, says 'Tu whit tn who,' but the
cultured one says, .Tu whit tn whom.
Boston Budget.
| Junior Partner-'Our travelling man
ought to be punished. He told one of
our customers in Albany that l am an
| ignorant fool" Senior Partner-.I
shall speak to him without fail and in
sist that no more office secrets be di-
vulged. "-Boston Beacon.
No, Aramintha, you mistake; it is a
carboy which contains vitriol; a cow
boy is very different kind of vessel,
though, to be sure. it is frequently fill
ed with something very like vitriol.
that you COMPOUNDED the two.-Boston
Transcript
Extremes meeting: The Major, to
nephew who wants taking down a bit,
he thinks-''What! you here, Percy!
Amt you rather young to be going to
ballsP" Percy-"What, and you here,
too, Uncle! Why, l should have
thought you'd given up this sort of
thing long ago!'-Pumch.
| Historical Note -Plutarch SAYS that
Demosthenes made gloomy tizzle of
his first speech. This did not dis
courage him; he finally became the
smoothest orator in that country. and
it was no uncommon thing for him to
fill the First Baptist Church of Athens
full.-BiH Nye, IN Boston Globe.
'Look here, boy" said the pompous
Deacon Trulygood to a newsboy whom
he found dancing jig on the pave
ment last Sunday, ''do you know whose
day this is?' Il may be little off,"
answered the arab, squirting impu-
IDENTIFY through one eye at his question
Ell, ''but | guess you don't carry it
around in your vest pocket. ~ Wash
ington Hatchet.
A minister forgot to take his sermon
with him to church, and his wife dis
covering the mistake sent it to him in
charge of small boy, who was to re-
ceive ten cents for the job. Presently
he returned for the money. you de-
livered the sermon, did you?' she ask
ed. 81 jes' guy it to him; he's a de-
liverin' of it himself. "-ReIigio1s Her.
aid.
A new and popular game among
Philadelphia bellies is bows" Two
young ladies walk down street togeth-
er, and the one to whom the most hats
are raised is the winner, and the other
pays Tor the lce-cream or soda-water.
When hat is raised to both it is called
a scratch" and counts neither. How
much the raising of a hat may meant
LOUeH Courier
"What kind of a doctor am DR..
Black?" asked Uncle Moses of an old
Austin darky. lone oh de best | eber
heard tell OBJ. Oar was a man down
sick, and all de udder doctors in town
said he could not lib twenty-four hours.
SO DIR. Black jes' tuck him in charge.
and de man libbed, sab. Instead OBJ
dying in twenty-four hours he libbed
thirty-six, sab. "-TeraS Syttngs.
Suppose, said an examiner to a
student in engineering, you had built
an engine yourself, performed every
part OF the work without assistance,
and knew that it was in complete Or
der. but, when put on the road, the
| pump would not draw water. What
would you do?" Il should look into
the tank and ascertain if there was
| Guy "atCi W ula", SdlO Tic Slutltut
Father, please tell me what entails
mean, and if we have such a law in the
| United States" Father-''Under the
law of entails, my boy, the landed
property of the father is handed down
to the eldest son, successfully, genera
ton after generation. We have no
such provision in the United States.
Here the money generally goes to the
lawyers who settle the fathers estate.
You see the difference?h
A good Deacon of one of our city
churches meandered along one of the
docks yesterday, and, noticing crowd
of boys fishing, he commenced to re-
prove them for breaking the Sabbath.
In the middle of his harangue he stop
ped suddenly to calculate, Look out,
bub, you've got bite," to small boy
whose attention had been distracted
from his line. Human nature was too
strong for him.-SdginaW Mich