The Florida agriculturist., 1885-05-06
May 8.
VARIETIES.

a
daughter.
Motto for the cremation--Deathi is real
and death is urnest.
He said her hair was dyed, and when
she Indignantly exclaimed, 'sTis false ="
he said he presumed SO.
A little three year old, in admiring her.
baby brother, exclaimed, "He's got
boiled head, like papa"
( He was a level-headed doctor who
hired house next door to roller-skat-
ing rink. Boston Courier.
"I marry that little fellow Y exclaimed
Miss Mitinice. FNo! | would rather
die than have him-that is, if could get
somebody else"
A New Jersey man wants divorce be-
cause his wife has not spoken to him in
two years. Some men don't know when
they are well off.
''Wbat is the name of your cat, sir 2"
ellis name was William" !" said the host,
"until he had fits. Since then we have
called him Fitz- William"
An ordinary woman's waist is thirty
inches around. An ordinary mans arm
is about thirty inches long. How adj
mirable are thy works, o, Nature!
Pray tell us, ladies, if you can, who is
that highly favored man, who, though
he's married many wife, may be a
bachelor all his life. A clergyman.
eyes," said Jones, "when my wife
gets mad she reminds me of vessel un-
der weigh" GLOW SO ?" inquired Smith.
Because she's got herrancor up"
''Let go my ear" yelled passenger
ona West side street car yesterday. ri
beg your pardon,' said the other man,
81 thought 1 had hold of the strap"
A receipt is going the rounds of the
press for tanning hides with salt and
alum; but our schoolmaster taught us
years ago that oil of birch was better.
Because a man happens to be pos
sessed of Constitution of horse,' it
by no means follows that his physician
is justified in treating him like an ass.
A recipe for lemon pie vaguely adds:
"Then sit on a hot stove and stir con-
stantly.o Just as if anybody could sit on
a hot stove without stirring constantly.
tits the diplomatic clerk at the silk
counter who asks the fond mother shop
ping with her daughter if the goods are
for her or her sister, whose salary the
"boss" raises.
Mamma" said Henry, "what is the
difference between goose and geese ?"
"Why, don't you know?" said four-year
old Annie. "One geese is goose, and
whole lot of gooses1s geese"
"Hey, Sambo, wha' dye leave yo'
last boardin' house fur?'' "Oh, dey
charge too much for dis yer darkey.
"Wha' dey. charger" t'Dey charge me,
stssi n Spoons; IN So lief = :.
mo- wrote a Montreal convent girl
eve don't see man over here once a
month, but there's French girl just
come that has dear little mustache,
and we are training her to smoke cigar
cites and swear"
You did not pay very close attention
to the sermon, fear, this morning. Z
sob, yes, did, mamma. = "Well, what
did the minister say ?'' 'sIIe said that
the picnic would start at ten O'Clock on
Thursday morning-and OH! ma, can
go?I'
"Just to Think" said Vassar gradu-
ate, "here is an account of train being
thrown from track by misplaced
switch. How utterly careless some
women are about leaving their hair
around" And she went on reading and
eating caramels.
At 16 girl thinks she would like to
marry dude, at Is she thinks she wants
is marry foreign count, at 20 she is sat
isied with nothing less than an editor,
at 25 she will put up with banker, and
at 80 she will take anything from an or
gan grinder down.
A farmer and his wife went into den
sf,41 n. ol@o g..
film teeth ?" asked the farmer. 'From
two to five dollars" cam for pullin ?''
"Fifty cents.'' 'tMariah, he said, turn
ing to his wife, "you'd better get it
pull d."-NeW York Sun.
"Johnny, put that umbrella away be-
fore you break it. go, shut up" re-
piled Johnny. whats that you say ?''
''Nothing, papa; only told the umbrel-
la to shut up so l could put it away, as
you told me to-" The explanation came
not a moment too soon, for the old man
had already arisen from his chair.
"They certainly do quarrel, Mrs. Crap
sey." ''Pshaw!. don't believe word
of it. Why, they fairly dote on each
other" ''But heard her call him an
old fool myself" "Why, bless you,
that's nothing" cit ain't?" sLa, no;
that's only way she has of being loving
and cheerful. Chicago Ledger.
Some people are born cheeky, some
achieve cheek and some have cheek
thrust upon them, but when you come to
a whole face, it is found in the fellow
who will let his girl go to the roller rink
alone, pay her own admission and the
rental for skates, and half an hour
later he comes up, skates all the evening
with her, and then takes her home and
wants her to kiss him at the gate.-El-
mira Gazette.
Hoods Eureka Liver Medicine. A