davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-11-12
A GOOD INVESTMENT.
A Plan by Which a Banker Was to Save
iph Dollars


Eighteen Dollars,
A genteel, but somewhat shabbily
dressed man, called at the office of an
Austin banker, to whom he had previ-
ously addressed note.
You say you wish to talk with me
about an arrangement by which l can
make money!" asked the banker.
"Yes, sir, that is the object of my
visit"
well, proceed"
81 take it that you are a public
spirited man, and charitably dis
posed?"
"YeS, moderately So"
well, l intend to commit suicide
and leave my family utterly destitute.
OF course, a collection Will be taken
up for my suffering family, and you
will be called on to subscribe. You
can not get out of it decently under
twenty dollars"
well"
"Now, I'll agree to postpone my rash
act indefinitely. I'll compromise the
matter for two dollars. That is only
ten per cent. of what you would have
to pay. Ali 1 ask is the ordinary COM
mission. By this arrangement you
make eighteen dollars off-hand, with
out investing a cent. "-1eraS SitttngS.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-11-12
NEW York. November Z.


FLoUR-Dull; superfne western and state,
S3lalt3.55; common 10 good extra western
and state S3.5Jl3.60; good to choice do, $3.50
6g550; common to choice extra Ohio, $500
$50; common TO choice extra st. Louis, $3.50
@L560
wHEAT-Spot lower, options steady; No. 2
Chicago, 94c; ungraded red, S4Gs90c; No. %
red, 91h @93e; No; red, g474@s5he; posted
No red 9714c; No. l white y7c; No. = No
velnber, 9S1G941ac July, SL07H.
CoRN-Higher; ungraded; 35G5!c; No. .;
white, SAC; rejected, 401f@Hc: No. No
vember. 53ss@542sc; May, 4I1sG47iIc.
OATs-Active; mixed western, 30G33c;
white. do, 34GS4Sc.
RYE-NO. l western. 60GD6lc.
PRoDUGE-Butter. firm; western, S@24c.
Eggs. firm at 2l14G24c per dozen.
PRovJsIONS-Pork, firm; sales: Mess
pork, S9.251950 for uninspected; S90O9l0.00
for inspected; family mess, $ll-50; Cut
meats, firm; sales: picked bellies. 5sG6sc;
picked shoulders, 4a@5c; do. hams, SIC.
Lard. $6.321s@D635.
-CATnLE-Lower; Extremes for native
steers, S3.50@5.S5; Texas aud Colorado
steers, S3S5Qs4.40.
SHEEP-Dull; common to extra sheep,
s.. 2OGL4.3 lambs 81 20d5.60.
HOGS-Dull at S3S(gfI4 ~
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-11-12
A New Man.

For twenty years ]
have suffered from ca
tarrh. / purchased
Ely's Cream Balm of J
Dawson g. Son, which
has so effectuaily cured
my headache that feel
altogether q new man.
/ have recommended
to many with Ike good
results.-M. M. RE-.
DDS, Rochester, Ind.
i Could Scarcely
Speak, Il was almost
impossible to breathe
through my nostrils.
Using Ely's Cream
Balm q short time the
trouble entirely disap-
peared.-J.O. TICHEy-
OR, Shoe Merchant,
Elizabeth, y. j.
A particle is applied 4
- a -
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-11-12
MARKET REPORTS.
Grain and Provisions.

ST. LOUIS. November Z.
FLoCR-Dull and unchanged; family,
S3.70G3.S0; choice. $4OOG4.1O; fancy. $3.50
40: patents, s5-25J56U
WHEAT-Lower; No. red, cash. g4c bid;
November, 943i@,951sc; May, Sl05sGIlU.
CokN-Cash higher, but options easier; No.
mixed, cash, 371a@3S4c; November, 3614 &c;
May, 36asc.
OATs-Cash higher; options unchanged;
No. mixed, cash, 24Ac bid; May, BOZ asked.
RYE-Lower at 571ac.
BARLEY-Unchanged at 500S0c.
PRoDUCE-Butter, steady; creamery, go
2Sc; dairy, l6G24c. Eggs, firm at 16o per
dozen
PROvIsIoNs-Generaily unchanged. but
bacon higher; pork, 1915 for old, and S925
for new. Lard, $5.S5G5.95. Bulk meat, dry
sailed long clear. S4.70G5.00; short RIB, S505
as 10; short clear, $5121sG5.25; hams, $3.50
Il.00
WHISKY-Steady at 81 10.
CATTLE-Steady; native shipping steers,
$375lS500; exports, Sl5.25GL5.;0; native butch
ers' steers, S3.09654.00; mixed lots of butch
ering stock, Sl.75G350; Texans and Indians,
S2Uyse34 40.
SHBEP-Good muttons steady and firm,
others dull; common to medium, SLT56t2.25;
good to choice, S2.J00325; lambs, S2.OOG3.50;
Texans, Sl.75lI2.15
HoGs-Steady; packing, $3.25Eg360; York.
ers, S3501G355; butchers. S35Og3.65.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-11-12
CHICAGO. November


FLoUR-Dull and weak; Southern winter
wheat -four $4.15G5.00; Wisconsin, S4.65
G4.S5; Michigan, S4.5OG490; soft spring
wheat, s3.7O6J400; Minnesota bakers, So 80
"a. 80; patents. 81 75Cgj 20; low grades, 500
13.OO; rye flour. 81 3GO3.60; buckwheat -four.
S6.2JGI650
WHEAT-Lower; No. spring. S6GS61ac; No.
spring, 1OGI3c; No. red, 9Oc; No. red,
7Sc
CoRN-Cash, 42G49Kc; November, 1880
4bc; year, 3S2s G3y1sc
OATS-Quiet but steady; cash, 1850; No
vember, 261sG26l4c &C; May, 30J3Jl4c.
RYE-Steady; No. 2, 6O12c.
BARLEY-Quiet; No. =, &c.
PRODUCE-Butter, weak; creamery, 14124c;
DAIRY, l2GlSc. Eggs-lgGJ20c per dozen.
PROVISIONS Mess pork. lower; cash,
IS !GgS.5O for old and S9.256l9311z for new
packed; November, $S3j0S31iA; January,
81 ga 1882. Lard lower; cash, S5.g7lR COCO.
Boxed meats, steady; drI salted shoulders,
So 50Qt3.T5: short RIB SIDES. S4.6jG4.S0; short
clear sides 81 .9JG500
WHIsKY-Firm at S1.15.
CATTLE--Active and higher; shipping steers,
S33bdI5.S0: stockerS ana feeders, 81 ::I,j6l4 80;
cows bulls and mixed. 81 60QG35O; through
Texas cattle stronger at S2.4OGJ3.2O; western
rangers strong; natives and half-breeds, So 90
GAO: cows, S260g3.0O; wintered Texans,
S3O0G.3.5O.
SHEEP-Steady; natives, S1.75@3.5O; Texans,
Sl0JG3.01: lambs, S4O06I4.75.
HOGS-Steadier and. stronger; rough and
mixed, S3.25tS3.50; packing and shipping,
80 81 G3.75: light weights, S3.3O43.75; skipS,
S25UL3.40.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21

Jury term-First Mondays in April and
Thiri Mondays in September.
Civil trrms--SecOnd Mondays in June,
aad tirat Mon,laysin December.
UNION PARISH.
Jury terms-F:rst Mondays in February
and Third Mondays in July
Civil terms-SecOnd Mondays in April,
and November.
LINCOLN PARISH.
Jury terms-Fonrth Mondays in Feb
vuary. and Third Mon.lsys in September.
Civil ter,ns-First Mondays in May,
and Foarth Mondays in November.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
DON'T SKIP THIS.

So many schemes are pnt before the pub
lie for the increase of new spaper circula
ton, which seem to Ire plaiisiblsand yet
are fraudulent, that when . legitimate,
honest paper, by Legitimate. honest means,
people who have been 10 many timcs:dup-
cd. are very slow to respond to the genuine
ss.hen,e. We arc led to this train oi
thought by = perusal Of the a.lver.i isement
Of THE AMERICAN RURAL lIOMr of R,cl,-
ester N Y published in this issue of ont
paper, to which We call the attention Of
our readers. We take pleosnrs in r.co,,,-
lneI,ding it ~ one Of the very best farm.
and family journals in this country Every
person who sends one dollar for y year >
subscription t" the paper receive hand
so,I,s present which il donatOd by the ad-
vcrtising patrons Of the paper. These
preminms CONSIST Of Cattle, Land; Reap
eis aud Mowers, Flows. Books, Pictures.
Organs and other valuable articles. Il
will pay y0u to send for sample copy if
nothing nlorr than to get look at this
great twslve-pnge, sixty column illustrat.
ed paper. Address Rural Home Co. Limit
cd, Rochester N. Y.
For 91,7j We will furnish you
the above mentioned paper with
the HOME ADVOCATE for one year.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21

had time for many serious refec-
tions, which terminated in q lesolu.
tiOn to abandon the club and his II
centious companions altogether.
HIS AWFUL END. =,
''He was no sooner we'll, however,
than they flocked round him, bent
on recovering SO valuable a men,,
ber of their society; and having
wrung from him a confession OF
the Cause Of his detection, which,
as may be supposed appeared
TO them eminently ridiculous,
they soon c0ntrived to make
him ashamed of his good
resolutions. He joined them
again, resumed his former course
Of life. and when the annual sat.
urnaIia came round, found bimselt
with his glass in his hand, at the
table: when the President, rising
to make the accustomed speech,
began by saying: "Gentlemon,
this being leap year, it is q year
anda day since our last annivers-
ary,' etc, etc. The words struck
upon the young mans ear like =
knell Int, ashamed to expose his
weakness to the jeers of hiscompaD
ions, he sat out the feast, plying
himself with wine even more lib
orally than usual, in order to drown
his intrusive thoughts, till in the
gloom ofa winters morning he
mounted his horse to ride home.
Some hours after the horse was
found with his saddle and bride on,
quietly waiting by the roadside,
about half way between the city
and Mr.. Archibald's house, while
u few yards OH lay me corpse Of
his rider"
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
LOVE AND LAUGHTER.

This is the poem concerning & thu
authorship OF which Mrs. Ell:
Wheeler Wilcox and Col. John A
Joyce, Of Washington, are al
loggerheals. Each claims it, and
the claim, at the instance of tht
lady, is to be decided by the courts
Laugh, and the world langhs with you,
Weep, and you weep alone:
For this brave old earth must borrow itt
| mirth.
1t has trouble enough Of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air!
The echoes bound to a joyful so,fnd,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you,
Griove, and they turn and go; lure,
They want fullmeasure for all your pleas
But do not want your woe!
BE glad, and yonr friends arc many;
b. sad, and yom lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectarcd
wine,
But alone you must drink lifc's gall.
Feast, and your halls arc crowded,
Fast, and tho world goes by;
Succeed and give and it helps you to live,
But no man will help you to die.
There's room in the halls Of pleasure,
For long aud lorliy train,
Bnt one by ono We must oil file on
Through the narrow aisles ofpain.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21

D, r. Reader Ro;sl Arch Chapter No
Saturday Of each month, at Farm ~ lie
\. Z. james =. Trimble, 3. H p
Isaas ShustM ................Se Secretary
Caisn Ftssenal Lodge, No. IS. +. 4
A. y. Regular moctings. Third Saturday
II sseh month at rsrmervillc.
J. e. TtiMbie, w. n. Isaac Shustcr Sec.
Napolssn Lodge, No. Ga, +. f. A. II.
Stated n,eetsnxs on the first Monday in
eosh month, ct Ouachita City.
4. =. Hslmiok, w. N. e. c. Norman, Sec.
TAcnas JsAsrson Lodge, No. lis. 7. 4
4. y. 0tot6d mcelings on tho First Satur-
day 0f eaeh month ct 6pearsville.
". D. Henderson, w. N. 3 v. Hayes Sec.
Shiloh Ledge, No: l3l, +. + A. n.
Stated nsetings on tho Fourth Saturday
q each month at shiloh.
I. Roberts, ". II. J. G. b. White, Sse.
Dewnsvills Lodge, No, l>3, 7. 4 A. NJ.
otated mcctiAgs On the First Saturday 0f
eaeh mcnth at Oownsville.
k r. Hsliers W. II. +. n. Richdson SIC.
Fsrmsrvills Lodge, No. 277, I. o. B. b.
Regular mectinys ON the tirst and third
oa1dAys Of fsaek month.
q Marx, President ]. Shustee, Sec.
Pslsesa LsAgs, No. II, K. OFF.
esollar neetisCs every Wednesday eve
ninGgsa1 fAemerville.
yaA 4. Manning. e. c. 3. Haas, K. Of
80.
EeaswnGnt Section, N. l63,
1agxlAr neetingp on tho 6fst and third
oeaseAys q eaeh month, as FaSmsyYille.
S.Askineoo, Pres. lease Shuster. Sec.
0ssa latsat Lodgs No. 1857, I.kights ef
eo9. Regular mcstinss On frss and
talsa ni1nge H. sseh nssth, - fazusss~
i'',s ). -, D. n. sr.~.; l
UaisA Council, Ne. llle. Ana risan
LARiUn Of Aena9.
Regular aestisy rrsry Tuesday evening.
y. n Rsara. G. II. Bcowl,
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
ssTAE HE'LL CLUR."
An Awful Warn ing aud u Fearful
Fate.

In Mrs. Groves remarkable book
the "Night Si'le Of Nature, "there
! is a story, declared to be . relation,
of fact, Of which a contemporary
account was published, which wss
bought up and suppressed by the
family Of the chief actor in the
drama. AS usual in sucl, cases, a
few copies escaped destruction, and
from one of these Mrs. Grove Oh.
tained the information given in
her book.
."Some ninety years ago there
flourished iD Glasgow a club of
young men which, from the ex.
treme proaigacy of its members,
and the licentiousmess of their or.
gies, was commonly called the
He'll Club. Besides weekly meet.
ings they held Que grand annual
saturualia, in which each tried to
exceed the other in drunkenness
and biasphemy; and on these occs-
si0ns there was no star among
them whose iurid light was more
conspicuous than that Of young Mr..
Archibald, who, endowed with
brilliant talents and q handsome
person, had held OUT great promise
in his l,oyhood, and raised hopes
which were completely frurstated
by his subsequent reckless dissipa.
tions. One morning after return.
ing from this annual festival Mr..
Archibald. having retired to bed,
dreamed the following dream:
HIS WANING.
ssHe faneied that he was mount
ID on = favorjte black horse that
be always rode, aud that he was
proceeding towards his own house,
hen . country seat embowered BY
;rees and situated on . bill now en-.
irely built over and forming part
+ the city, when q stranger, whom
be darkness Of the night prevent
d his distinctly discerning, sudden.
= seized his horses reips, saying.
lou must 60 With me'' +
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
HUMOROUS.

Why is a haystack like q mouso?n
because the cattle eat it."
1t is a Singular coincidence that
she forms the greater part of sheol.
st. Louis Whip.
It's said that the sting of a hornet
will cure rheumatism, or at least
make one forget it.-San Francisco.
Examiner.
Philadelphia girls are learning
to fiddle. Poor things! Its. theip
only way to draw a bow.
A New York State woman point.
ell an old pistol at y tramp and it
blazed away and killed a $35 calf.
She ought to haye poiuted it at
the calf.
A grain of sand may be the germ
of a new world, but a hutton in the
right place does more good in the
rushing present.
Ifa praying machine were invent.
ed many would use it if it did not
take too much time from their bus.
mess to wind it,.
. A horse at Charleston tipped
over \ couple of bee.hives to see>if'
they contained oats or bees, II
panied him considerably to discover
that oats weren't left lying around
in that shape.
"Papa, there's something I want
to know," uWhat Is it my childi"
''Why ia the moon called shei'
Because It'll eaangeahle, my dar.
ling"
Tho Lowell Citizen learues that
> melon growing upon ashl0b is the
latest fruit novelty ip California
When this new style becomes cen.
erslly adopted meloa stealing will
aot be near 90 hard ou. . fell0wt
lack as it IL now.
A New Yorker waqta . divorce
'ntAe grounds that bis wife, wha
vas = widow when he married her,
aid nothing about her chidrena
mt had fiye whom she suddenly
ushed in on him before the honey
noon had wsned.
=.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
Land Warrant For Sale.

The undersigned offers fer sale a Land
Warrant f,r tie location of 100 acres Ol
land. This warrant can lpe used for the
entry Of one hundred and sixty acres Of
any public lands belonging to the Unite ,
States For terms, apply at this Office,
Or to. J. B. HOLSTEAD,
Rust0n, La.
The Home advocate. (Farmerville, La.) 1885-1???, 1885-08-21
STATES SENATORS,

4l SENATORIAL DISTRICT.
Comprising the parishes "t1Inion, More
Ious~, Lincoln and West Carroll.
Rs,,atOrG-G L. Gaskin, Of Lincoln,
Thomas Sellers, Of Union.
REPRESENTATIVE
If Union Parish.
William ". Hsarl, ....... .Farnerville.
COURT OF APPEALS.
First Circuit.
y. G. Moncnr', If C.sll.io, l.,
\. b 0eOrg''. Of Webster, }J"dges'
1IrrmG Union, First Mondays in March
Ind Octeher.
DISTRICT COURT.
Third Judicial District.
the parishes Of ClaiOr,.e. Uni
o. and Lincoln.
Imdxe. John Young.
|list. Attorney 80. .EnOs II. McClen.lOn.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05

A japanese proverb says: "a
man took drink, drink took Il
drink, and then the drink took the
man.
Etiquette is studied style of
behavior for particular occasions.
Good manners stay by a man all
the time and are more important.
1t is foolish to perform a mean
act because of hatred to another,
and then be compelled to despise
and hate yourself during the rest
of your life.
There is no greater folly than to
drink to drown SORROW" thus
forming habit which shall act as
the most arbitrary, malicious and
tvranical of "slave drivers"
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05
rs.s"e.inn-~ .'srs: E4o.c.

\ very interesting story is told
about General McClellan's first
meeting with his wife. lie married
her in 1860, and the relations Of
the two during the past quarter Of
a century have been the happies,.
Mrs. Mcclellan accompanied her
husband everywhere, and was a
hclpucct in The true sense of the
word. She was very proud Of her
husband, and was very sensitive Of
any ridicule OF him. llc met her
in church in Baltimore in 1860
one cold Sunday morning. He was
then travelling through the United
States on health tour, and had
reached Baltimore Saturday night.
The next morning he went TO the
nearest church. The usher took
him up to the front AMI seated him
in pew which was already occu-
pied by a very handsome young
lady. The sermon was prosy, and
Mr. Mcclellan devoted himself to
casting sly glanccs to his scat-matc.
He concluded that she was fair.
IS he caught q fuller view of her
ne decided she was beautiful, and
when at last ne saw hcr fcaturas
and her eyes looked into his, hr
fg,l that ha hal met lis fate. As
they passed ont of the pew the
young lady IlusAei under McClel-
Ian. almiring gaze lie followed
her home AMI found tlat Size lived
in one Of the haGlsomot houses
Of The city On inquiry he found
lhat this house was owned by Gen.
r. b. Marcy, the father Of one IF
his schoolmalgs at West Point.
MgCleilan at once called upon
young Marcy, and through him
obtained an iuroluetionto Marry's
sister, Ellen. lie began to pay her
attentions, and loundupon acquaint-
ance that she improved. Ills love
was rcciprocatcl. They were
engaged, and in My, 1860, they
were married.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05

Salt Lake Tribune: 4 cowboy
just in from the north says that
Mother Osborne " died about two
weeks ago on the Clark's Fork of
the Yellowstone, from the effects of
starvation and cold. In the years
between 1873 and 1879 "Mother
Osborne" was n notorious name
along the Black Hills and Chey-
enne stage line. She was the active
leader of a band of read agents
located in the southern borders of
the Black fIills. She wasimmcnsely
fat and immensely wicked. Time
and again her gang robbed the
coaches, and she kept bevy Of
depraved women ever about her.
Group, vllooping-cougi and bronchitis
inneoi lately rciicYed by shilohB Cure
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05

Parties who have been mining
at the mouth of Mud Creek say
that man, supposed to be
dementcd, is not only leaving
" foot prints in the sands of time"
but also in the sands of Snake
River, prints of bare feet at that
near there. 1t is supposed he roams
around at night and secludes him
self in the daytime as no one has
been able to see him, although fresh
tracks are seen nearly every morn
ing.-Shoshone Journal.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05
Willing when tsse Slgn F-n't
Right.

When / was young and used to
roam around over the country,
gathering wathcrmclons In the dark
of the moon, / used to think that
| could milk anybody's cow, but |
do not think 80 now unless the
sign is right, and it hasn't been
right for a good many years.
The last COW | tried to milk was
a common COW, born in obscurity;
kind OF a scli-made COW. Ircmem-
Der her brow was low, but she wore
her tail high and She was haughty,
oh, 50 naughty.
! made commonplace remark
to her, one that is used in the very
best Of society, one that need not
have given oncnsc anywhere. |
said so" and she socd." Then
/ told her to " histe," and she histcd
But | thought she oycrdid it. She
put TO much expression in it.
Just then ! heard something
crash through the window of the
barn and fall with dull sickening
thud on the outside. The neigh
bors came to see what il was that
caused the noise. They found that
| had done it in getting through the
window.
| asked the ncighbors if the barn
was still standing. They said it
was. Then | asked if the COW was
injured much. They said she
seemed to be quite robust. Then |
requested them to 20 in and calm
the cow little and see if they
could not get my plug hat off her
horns.
| am buying all my milk now of
milkman. | select a gentle
milkman who Will not kick and |
feel as though he could trust me,
it is all right.-Bill Nye.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05
Wicked Enisiass.

A private letter to the Hawthorne
(Neyada) Bulletin from Aida
Valley says: On the 30th ultimo,
near Pigeon Springs, in this county,
there was perpetrated most cold
bloodcd and unprovokcd murder
BIZ an Indian known as Montezuma
Dick. His victim was a squaw,
known as Big Jennie. Dick placed
his pistol to her head and literally
blew it off. This was the finish or
wind up of a fandango, and the
third killing at their annual pine
nut fandangos within the past three
years, but this last is the most
outrageous, and we now think it
time for the law to interpose and
make an example of Dick, who is
regarded by the whites as a bad
Indian, and by the Indians gener-
ally as a dangerous one.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05

A Kentucky father explained to
his boy that Il ghost of smile "
was something that is found in
empty bottles
"What is the interior Of Africa
principally used for?" asked a
teacher of pupil. " For purposes
of exploration" was the reply.
Corns are not confined to the
feet. A newly arrived chiropodist
saws he has removed corns from
several of the crowned heads of
Europe"
Il am sorry, but cannot recip-
roeate the affection Of young
lady who shows such bad taste"
replied the old Judge, reaching for
his hat and cane.-Texas Siftings.
He" You don't sing or play.
Then ! presume you write or paint.
She" oh no, I'm like the young
men we meet in society | sim
ply sit around and try to look
intelligent"
\ gifted poet wsles, "The devil
arose from his little bed, and
washed his face and combed his
head" We hope not to be profane
if we ask where in hell he got his
watcr.-Graphic.
1t is matter Of history that 4
woman can stand tight shoes
without complaing, but when her
husband is tight, financially, her
voice is like the babbling of many
brooks.-Noscow Mirror.
Miss Angelina TO Miss Belief her
rival, just now surrounded by a
bcvy or admirers )-oh, dear, DO
tell me how you do your hair up
50 charmingly. What DO you DO ii
up on? Itlooks 50 intellectual. Miss
Belle (who wears her hair high }
Well, III tell you, dear. gener-
ally do it up over brains, and
[sweetlyl l don't thinkyou can buy
them at the hair stores.
\ man who tried farming in
Montana for two years gathered
together his gods and chattcls, con
sisting mainly Of a wife, nine tow
headed children and six lean dogs,
and got himself thence. He left
the following lines on the door of
his dugout:
250 feet 10 water,
80 miles to fuel.
inches to shool.
God bless our home.
PROFESSIONALLY does duck put
his head under water? Pupil
For divers reasons. Professor
Why does he 90 on land? Pupil
For sundry reasons. Professor
Next. You may tell US why a
duck puts his head under water.
Second pupil-To liquidate his bill.
Professor-And why does he 60 on
land? Second pupil-To make a
run on the bank.
The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1885-12-05

A wasp went buzzing to his work
And various things did tackle
He stung boy and then dog,
Then made a rooster caclsle,
And last upon a druInmer's check
lie settled down To drill;
lie brodded there for half an hour,
And then-he broke his BILL
Philadelphia Call.
IfhorseheSh won't suffice to feed the masse
The next resource will certainly be asses;
aud heaven only knows how that will end,
Some people won have left single friend
The Caterer