Connecticut western news., 1885-05-27
WIT AND WISDOM.

FAME never made us lie down con. tentedly on death bed.
 Tm mother.in-law doesnot remember that she was daughter-in-law.
 oBLoouY is a necessary ingredient In the composition of all true glory.
 Ir is knowing what he doesn't know that makes the wise man wiser than his fellow.
 FoR the finding of our own intollec. tual defects nothing is like trying to teach another.
 ouD minds are like old horses, you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order.
 A POET propounds the oonundrum: "What is warmer than woman's loveP' Answer-A woman's temper. .
 "PApA, why do the little pigs get SO much milk ?" "Because we want them to make hogs of themselyes."
 Ir was a Western market reporter who put this into type: "Flour is still high, but it isn't as deer as doe"
 GEORGE KNOTT, the actor, says a man can paint the town rcd with S250,- 900, for then he has quart of yermilion.
 Ir is said that lovesiokness checks tho growth of young people, We don't believe it. They increase in sighs all the time.
 PRESIDENT CLEVELAND has saved the greater part of his first months salary -S3, ,sss.s7. No wife to go through his vest pockets.
 THK people who rent houses in New York city have made no demand for rents to come down. All thoy ask Is for the walls to stand up.
 "THIs is my wife; she is very entor- taining, and am highly pleased with her." is the way a Natick man just mar ried introduces his wife.
 A NEW HAMPsHRE woman claims that she has not broken a plate or cup for thirty years. Her husband must be remarkably well behaved.
 D1D you ever notice how much moro you walk on the foot with the corn on it than on the other one7 You hardly notice the other one at all.
 TIE temperature of the sun Is about 1s,0 900 deg. Fahr. What a place it must be for gauge underwear and soda water.- DdnsuitIo (M Y) Broeso.
 IRREsoLurIoNs on the schemes of life which offer themselves to our choice, and inconsistency in pursuing them, are the greatest causes of all our un. happiness.
 "GRANDPA, dear, we have come to wish you many happy returns of your birthday, and mamma says if you give us each dollar, we are not to lose it on our way home"
 IT is passing strange how a man who owes you thirty cents will have his at- tention suddenly attracted to the cornioo of the tall block across the way when ever you chance to meet him on tho street.
 A CAL1FoRN1AN has raised pumpkin so large that his twin children uso each half section for cradle. That's nuthin'. In this city four full.grown policemen have been found asleep on a single beat
 SOMEBODY who has probably got tired of paying gas bills asks; "How would tt be If all the world went 10 bed at sum set ?" It would certainly effect great saving in gate hinges in the rural dis trictH in the summer time.
 FARE your domestic relations agree able2' was the question put to an uu- happy looking specimen of humanity. "oh, my domestic relations are all right" was the reply; cit is my wife'a relations that are causing the trouble.
 A PREooorous little girl, years old, was asked by her father if she would be school teacher when she grew old enough. "No." she said; "I will have . husband" and, after n little reflection, added, ''I hope he will not be n cross one."
 "JoHN, did you go round and ask how old Mrs. Jones was this morning, aa l told you to do last night?" "Yes, sir. " ewell, what was the resultg" "ShS said that, seeing as how you had the im- pudence to ask how old she was, she'd no objection to telling von she was "A ?
 NOTHING makes Q man proudor thar to find, when he has got his garden nicely laid out, and the seeds all in, that every hen within n mile of him aeem' determined to have claw in the job and to show him how she would have arranged matters if he had consulted