The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-12-10
W.T. AND HUMOR.

u LLuNO Vi w dicS 10 SViOhot va w - f@Shsy
English regiments, and the statement
is creating a dark suspicion that he has
Kentucky blood in his veins. Life.
The latest piece of friendly advice
which is being given In Paris is not TO
shake hands with 4 man who builds
s.casties in SPAIN" lest he should COM
nun ;ate the bacillus. - Brooklyn
Eagle.
There was q brief but heated con-
test between Burlington woman and
a book agent the other day. The book
agent used expletives and the woman
used hot water.-Bnrlsngto (VE)
Free Press.
Little Charley-"Papa, will you buy
ME drum?n Fond father-''Ah. but
my boy. .yon will disturb me very much
if l do" Chariey-.'O. no, papa; l
won't drum except when you're
asieep." ."-Pstts6urg Chronicle.
20. Emeline. come quicki The
baby's tumbled down into the cistern;
ives bin a-fishin' for him for half an
hour wild an umbreller handle and a
chunk O. sponge cake, an we can't
even git ibuIe."-Harper's Basar.
In some respects man resembles a
silver coin. He can do more good by
being good than by appearing good
when he is not good. This thought
was engendered by receiving leaden
uinie in change. (AtG)
Eercury.
; Country papers are expected to puff
everything from 8 chicken-fght to a
church-festival, and everybody from
young politician to q dead man who
hi f.,, tul,n haa n0tep-
and furnish copies of the paper gratis.
-Gatvsston (7s10 Nssos.
A Colorado man visiting an Eastern
city was attacked by q Full Hand.
With great presence of mind he picked
mp II largo Bluff which was growing
there, and by skiilfui use of it he sue
ceeded in frightening away his assail-
ant.-Psttsburg Chronicle.
A Harvard student searched for q
leak in the gas-pipc with q lighted
match. He will never do it again.
There is this to say in favor of Q col-
legiate education: When man learns
anything he learns it SO thoroughly that
he never forgets it.-BostoR Transcript.
..Why are you making such fuss
over what the gossips are spreading
about you? l have heard you say Q
hundred times that you didn't care
what people thought of you" ''True,
but do care what they say about me. :"
30. that's an entirely different thing. "
Boston Transcript.
1t is well to be exact, although the
belief may be carried too far for the
death of young friend. A more or
less poetical Hudson River Railroad
conductor remarked, when asked tho
usual question, ''Her wearied spirit
sank to rest at $40, railroad time" y
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
You needn't pretend to look down
on me, sir" said a tramp to lawyer.
of whom he was begging. "Well. it
seems to me you think you arc some-
body" ..Well, I'm just as good as
you, sir. / solicit money of you, that $
all. So / don't see but that we are
both in tho same boat-bOth solicitors. !"
Parson Whangdoodle Baxter Of the
Austin Biue-Light Tabcrnacle met Jim
Webster. who was complaining of hard
times, etc. whisky am dc cause OBJ
all yer troubles and sorrers." replied
Jim's spiritual adviser ''Dat's SO.
parson. feels mighty troubled when
l hasn't got any OBJ hit. 7eras aift-
fngs.
There" said Washington hotel
man. as he read of the railway acci-
dent and the burning of the mails near
that city, ''that accident cost me hum
dreds of dollars!' Got stock in the
road. presumea' "No. but every
will swear he sent me the amount of
his board-bill by that mail"
Mr.. d. l.. Moody says about long
prayers: "lf. when Peter found him.
self sinking in the waves of Galilee, he
had insisted on putting before his petit
tion. Lord. save me, the regular
prayer-moeting roundabout introduce
lion. he would have been forty. feet
under water before he ecould have asked
of the Lord the help he needed.
That" remarked Alexander, as he
watched the explosion of one of his
royal residences in Moscow, shat re-
minds me of statue of Minerva. "
''And why, your MajestyP" ,defercn-
TALLY inquired the Lord First Groom OF
the Buckwheat Cakes. 'Well. you
see. it is bust of Pallas." The court
wore full mourning for q week
Chicago Rambler.
Country minister Ito country editor)
do you ever stop to consider what
death is, Mr.. .ShearsP Do you realize
That we are hero to-day and gone to-
morrow; that there is no knowing
what day, what an hour. may bring
4orthp Do you really know all that
death meansp" Country editor (with
emotioR)-''I ought to, Mr.. Prosypod.
My paper is full of dead advertise
ments. IN y. Times.
Theywere q North Minneapolis pair,
and were sitting close together ON the
piazza, when he said: 'Georgiana,
dear, why are you like the moon to-
nightp" II don't know, Augustus.
why am I?'' Because there's a circle
round YOU Qengthening his arm out a
joint. Yes. Augustus; and why. are
you likc the moonP'' ..Am I like the
;moonP WhyP' Because you are af.
tul-gent. Augustus. Minneapolis Mail
'.Mr. Dusenberry, do not see why
you 60 to the public garden SO often.
'.For the sake of the music, my dear.
The orchestra is one of the finest In the
tcountry. sit there and drink in the
delicious strains A rhapsody fills uI
-" 20 fudge! The way your
breath smells on your return makes
me believe that you drink in something
. good deal stronger than music. Il
isn't rhapsody that fills you up; it's
beer. r."-f Philadelphia Call.
Bostwick and family, attracted by
the advertisement, mo mosquitoes.
mo malaria," etc. have left the sea.
khore and taken quarters in farm.
house in the hill country. After 8
hideous night they appear next morn.
hng with visible marks of conflict Be.
fore B. can .enter q protest the ''pa
tron'' puts in. II was jes sayin' to my
wife a lot of muskeeters has followed
them folks from the coast; next thing
they'll be a-blamin' Nv 'em on u.s.
sHarper's Bazar.
Wife Ito husband)-A boy at the
door Just left this note. It's addressed
10 you and marked Present" Hus
'band-"Presentp" I don't know who
could be sending me q present. Die
she boy bring anything elsep Wife