, 1885-05-17
MY FIRST MURDER.


= lot tho felowu who write books and things
nave to answer for. For instance, l Am
sure that l should never havo thought OF
committing murder but for a particular
often read magazine articles, but this ono
was brought to my notice in a rather OK
ceptional way. l had occasion TO pay a
visit 10 my dentist, and on being shown
into bis waiting-room / observed at
once that thero was an addition to tho
current literature upon the table | had
been there iron circumstance over which
1 have unfortunately no CONTROL 80 fre-
quently that l know the list by heart There
was a volume OF Punch for 1871, a list OF tho
GOVERNOR Of University hospital, tho sad
ventures of Mr. Lsdbury." by Albert Smith;
the second volume Of @Mr. Carington,H by
Mortimer Collins; n timetable OF the South
eastern railway, and several odd numbers
OF the transactions OF tho Chronological
Society" | had tried them all at various
times, and had found thom, without ex-
cepton. vanity. | defy any one to enjoy
humor. even OF tho most rollicking de-
scription, with those folding doors staring
him in the face. and a yelp OF anguish occa-
sionAlly audible behind them. l had made
several attempts at mr.. c~arington.u but
when you have no means OF ascertaining
either how a story begins or how 1t ends, the
interest soon flags, and never got beyond
the seventeenth page. With the other
books had still less success. for obvious
reasons Under such circumstance 1t may
be imagined that I caught sight of the
familiar yellow cover OF The CornhiIl with
much satisfaction. l found, to my
surprise. that It wal a quite 70
sent number. bearing date September
last l pounced upon It, and was soon
deep in a highly interesting story, entitled
The Citrate OF Churnside.n Itset forth how
n nice young curAte, by name Walter Demo,
Of charming manner and artistic tastes-A
man who showed tho tenderest solicitude for
little sick girls, and a touching considera-
ton even for their aged OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
impelled, by pressure Of circumstances, TO
murder his uncle. had always had a prof
udice against murderers. whom / pictured
to myself as vulgar and brutal persons like
the late Mr.. Ponce, but l began 20 500 that
there might b another side TO the question.
The story showed In tho clearest
and most unmistakable manner that
Walter Dene really had no ~alternA-
tive. He had not the least wish 10
murder bis uncle. but the old gentleman
formed an obstacle TO Walters union with
an amIable and deserving young lady, and
It was absolutely necessary that he should
be removed. Accordingly, Walter makes
up ~ UNI ~ lNAAONo nAur anu Qota ~
stabbing him artistically In the back with a
bowie knife. 1t shows the natural kind
hsartednes of the man that having in with
drawing the knife accidentally wounded the
paw OF the murdered mans favorite spaniel,
Walter Demo sits down quietly by the side OF
the corps and binds up the dogs wounded
limb with his own pocket handkerchief. /
had reached this point in the story when
the folding doors opened. Ny dentist APP
peared in the opening, with his usual croco-
die smile, q never could realize crocodilef
tears, but / can picture their smile exactly,l
and beckoned me in 1 had to lay down the
story unfinished, and to this day l don't
know what ultimately became Of the tendeI-
hearted murderer.
For the next half hour or 80 my attention
was diverted from the subject by extreme
personal discomfort but on leaving the
chamber of horrors and regaining the street
the history came back to me with removed
vividnea. l found myself examining
Walter Dene's arguments for the suppression
Of his uncle with a sort OF personal inter
est For ] too, nave an uncle. l. toe
love land am beloved by) a charming
girl, and my uncle is the only obstacle TO
our union don't mean to say that he OBJ
jects TO it-quite the contrary; but the mere
fact OF his continuing to exist and thereby
retaining possession OF his money, which
would otherwise come TO mo, Is an effectual
bar To our hAppiness. Dear Julia is a
charming girl, but, like tho young lady In
the song, her face Is her fortune. and 1t Is
hardly TO DO supposed that ], Benjamin
GryllA, n clerk in her majesty's civil service
at $50 pounds sterling a year. could marry
on that, even with the additional hundred or
so my uncle allows me. Really the parallel
was wonderfully elose. In SONS 70
spects, indeed, mine was the stronger
case For the Reverend Walter
Dene's uncle was not Save by the mere fact
of his e~xstsnos) Objectionable. Nine wasl
Not 10 mention his disgusting habit Of calling
me Benny. n Of cracking what he was
pleased to consider jokes at my expense,
be had sundry manners and customs which,
Offensive. He would wear an old serge
jacket and carpet slippers, and not unfrs-
quently be would come down to breakfast
without collar or necktie, and not always In
the clsanes Of shirtA Now II there is one
thing moro than another on which l pride
myself, 1t L. my shirts l always wear Uncle
Thomas pays tho laundressis bill a clean
shirt every day, and my cuffs and collars
are tho envy of all the fellows in our Office,
l some down to breakfast looking, / hatter
myself, like a gentleman. Uncle Thomas
shambles in ten minutes or a quarter OF an
hour later with his carpet slippers, his shirt
front rumpled as II no had slept in it. and
very often 70 frayed out ut the button-holes
that the studs won't hold In them. When l
entreat him to show some self-respect and to
buy himself half a dozen of decent shirts.
the old reprobats actually has the coarseness
to tell ma hs can't afford it. aAh, Benny,
my boy he often say, 4you haven't an
~extravagant nephew TO keep going as l
have" And then he laughs till he nearly
ehokes himself, and l nave to slap him on
the back to bring him to. l hate a man
that laughs at his own jokes. And OF an
evening he drinks two tumblers OF hot gin
and water, and then he throws his handker-
chief (colored cotton over his head and
snoreS Surely IL Walter Dene was *
cusable in getting rid Of such a compare
lively inoffensive uncle as his, | should be
moro than justified in removing mine. And
then, again, there was nobody to regret my
uncle. Walter Dene's uncle may pave had
any number OF other relations; 1t
IA clear that he had at least one
other nephew, because Walter had a
brotheri Ny uncle had not a soul In the
world to regret him but myself, and II
l was prepared to waive my personal feel-
lngs, surely no one else had any right to In
terfere. OF course am not talking OF tho
legal aspect OF the question. 1t has always
been my principle to let the lawyers have
As little a possible to do with my affairs,
and so delicate a matter as the present must
clearly be kept as remote as possible from
legal complications Lawyers don't recog.
niss that higher law, that subllmated ex-
pediency on which Walter Dane founded his
course Of action Walter Dene was fully
satisfied OF the perfect propriety of his CON
duct, but he took good care Notwithstanding
not to lot the law into his secret, and ~
must L
And 30 must II Good heavensi Wa
actually planning the destruction Of my in
no-ont relative. from whom l had only that