The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-06-25


Mr.. Beecher has been preaching some SER
mons on "evolutiop," which, if accepted as
true, would show that the people have not
much need of a God. So much for turning
Democrat.
"That fellow can't have MY influencer' boast
ed the conceited politician.
NO. replied hearer, 'No man can have
thatr'
'Will the Democrats trot out a full ticket ?"
asks exchange in a neghboring County.
That's the kind of ticket that runs best on that
side.
"What stratum is thfs?" asked the geologist
holding up a lump of coal.
''Why, you numb-skull, that haint
stratum at all-its COAL r' replied the miner.
A drunk man in jackson one day last week
passed ditch in the new excavation for pave
ment on Broadway and got over successfully,
but instead of going his way turned back, fell
into the ditch, and got into the calaboose.
The last case of the season is Mrs. Seers, a
beautiful young married lady of Cleveland,
well educated, and with large circle of friends.
She ran away with tramp teacher of roller
skating.
Greiner, the murderer sentenced to be hung,
at Columbus, has been trying to obtain the
means to commit suicide. He don't want to
reach angelic bliss by the glorious routelof the
scaffold.
The Gallipss4is Journal says it has been dis.
covered that drunkards are very easily killed
by hitting them on the head. So, if you want
to hit a drunkard, don't aim at the upper end.
D,,al~ II, of II
were riding horse which was struck by light
ming and killed. Both were badly stunned. And
this in State where they manufacture eight
ning'' by moonlight.
The Gallia Tribune says Foraker is ga grow
ing man, and in ten years he will be one of the
greatest men in the Nation" Yes, if he keeps
on growing for ten years his platform will be as
broad as that of David Davis.
+.+
There is no stage of disappointment and cha
grin which can approach the discontinue of
the crowd of boys who tie a tin can to dogs
tail, then see the animal lie down, and refuse
to run.
In some localities up in Vinton County the
criminals have quit stealing sheep long enough
to take to blowing up pine trees with powder
and dy Mantle. An effort should be made to
get Cleveland 10 give these fellows appoint
ments.
"I Think" said'Adolphus to Celeste, as she
came from the water, in her bathing suit, ''that
you would be a valuable acquisition in any
mans home"
'What would I be good for, dear?''
''For a dish-rag! !" said the brute.
We have been told of some religious enthus-
lasts in Jackson County who attempted to heal
a dying person by amounting with oil. The
oil worked all right but the body didn't.
Death came and got away with the patient-"as
sleek as grease"
Some Boston physicians have asked that a
commission of scientists, of Washington, be ap-
pointed to investigate the subject of "mind and
faith cure, now attracting attention in New
England" Better have the the Commission
hold an inquest of lunacy on the New England
physicians.
At recent term, of Court at Lexington, KY,
eighteen prisoners were sentenced to the Peni-
tentiary. AS the convicts over there are pitted
against the free laboring interest, this big dele
CATION will of course make more work and bet
ter times in that Democratic country.
News comes from Lawrence County that the
Republicans are ''united and confident" Glad
to hear it. They only poll some fifteen or six
teen hundred more votes than the Democrats,
over there and we're glad to know that they are
all coming out. Nothing inspires confidence
like fifteen hundred majority.
Stanley describes the manufacture of a kind
of palm-wine, by the savages of Africa, which
is brewed in large basins. When the nobility
are partazipg of the fluid from the basins, the
humber class get down in the dirt and lap up
the little pools that slop over That is what a
great many Democratic politicians are doing
over at Washington now-trylng to suck in the
1eakages from the great barrel.
1t is said of a noted merchant of Southern
Ohio that when farmer comes to his store and
asks credit he will inquire show much wheat
have you in?'' If the man has q large acreage
of wheat, the merchant refuses to trust him-if
a small acreage, he will trust him. The reason
of this seemingly strange move is that the
wheat crop is a failure this year.
Mrs Ben. Trsgo of Portsmouth, in respond
ing to a toast at the meeting of the Portsmouth
High School Alumni, said: "My silver speech
gives way to golden silence which, like
poultice, comes to heal the blows of sound"
That would be glorious idea for great many
men TO study and adopt. Let the ambitious Or
ator remember that the public is more in need
OF pOultlce IMAM W1nu-puud1nB.
-
While driving along the Chillicothe road one
day last week, in company with Hinkle, of the
Herald, Ge ken, of the Journal, WV. Grove,
of Portsmouth, and Henry Brown, a huge
black-snake was observed crawling down the
bank near the road. Immediately there was
scrambling for the life of that snake. We
chanced to be the first to meet his snakeship
and hit him on the head with light stick. and
broke 1.-THE stick, not the head. Gerken ran
up with dead limb and struck the snake over
the back and broke 1.-THE limb, not the back.
Grove was making fierce sweeps at the snake
with the brushy top OF a dog-wood bush. The
fun was finally ended by dropping rock pom
the snake which broke the snake, not the
rock. Farther on down the creek Grove and
Hinkle plucked some nice young sassafras
sprouts and sat in the carriage contentedly
chewing the twigs and leaves. Suddenly Grove
remarked that "this sassafras leayes an odd
taste in the mouth" We tried it, and discov-
cred that it was poplar sprout.
Ayers Sarsaparilla operates radical
ly upon and through the blood, and is
a safe, reliable, and absolute cure for
the various diseases, complaints, and
disorders, and debility, or to any con-