Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-02-08
D ARK DAYS.
BY HUGH CONWAY.
author Of" "CaNsd Back"
CHATTER I.
A PRAYER AND A VOW

lions of my life as present any out-of-the-
common features is read, il Will be found
that / have committed errors Of Judgment
Ihave sinned not only socially, but also
against the law Of the land. In excuse l can
plead but two things-the strength of love;
the weakness of human nature.
Ii these carry no weight with you, throw
the paper aside. You are too good for me;
am too human for you. We cannot be
friends. Read no further.
1need say nothing about my childlsood;
nothing about my boyhOod. Let me hurry
on to early manhood; TO that time when the
wonderful dreams of youth begin to leave
one: when the impulse which can drive
sober reason aside must be, indeed, a strong
one; when one has learned 10 count the cost
Of every rash step; when the transient and
fitful flames of the boy have settled down TO
q steady, glowing fire which will burn until
only ashes are left; when the strength, the
nerve, the intellect, is or should be at its
height; when, in short, ones years number
thirty.
Yet, what was l then? A soured, morose,
disappointed man; without ambition. with
out care for the morrow; without goal or
object in life. Breathing, eating drinking,
Is by instinct. Rising in the morning, and
wishing the day was over; lying down at
night, and caring little whether the listless
eyes l closed might open again or not.
And why? Ali TO know why you must
sit with me as l sit lonely over my glowing
fire one winter night. You must read my
thoughts; the pictures of my past must rise
before you as they rise before me. Ny sor-
row. my hate, my love must be yours. You
must, indeed, be my very self.
You may begin this retrospect with tri-
umph. You may go back to the day when,
after having passed my examination with
high honors, i. Basil North, was duly en-
titled to write NJ d. after my name, and set
TO work 10 win fame and fortune BY doing
my best toward relieving the sufferings of
my fellow-creatures You may say as l said
then. as say now, "A noble career; life
full Of interest and usefulness"
You may see me full Of hope and courage.
and ready for any amount Of hard work;
settling down in large provincial town,
resolved TO beat ont a practice for myself.
You may see how, after the usual initiatory
struggles, my footing gradually grew f>m
how my name became familiar; how. at
last, seemed TO be in fair way of winning
success.
You may see how for while a dream
frightened my life; how that dream faded
and left gloom in its place. You may see
the woman loved.
No, am wrong. Her you cannot see.
Only myself can see Philippa as l saw her
then-as l see her now.
Heavens! how fair she was! How glori-
Gus her rich dark beautyI How different
from the pink-white and yellow dolls whom
/ have seen exalted as the types of perfec-
ton! Warm Southern blood ran through
her veins and tinged her clear brown cheek
with color Her mother was an Englishwo-
man; but it was Spain that gave her daugh-
ter that exquisite grace. those wondrous
dark eyes and long curled lashes, that mass
of soft black hair, that passionate impulsive
nature, and, perhaps, that queen-like car
riage and dignity. The English mother may
have given the girl many good gifts, but her
beauty came from the father, whom she had
never known; the Andalusian, who died
while she was but a child in arms.
Yet in spite of her foreign grace, Philippa
was English. Her Spanish origin was 10 her
but tradition. Her foot had never touched
her fathers native land. Its language was
strange TO her. She was born in England,
and her father, the nature of whose occupa-
ton I have not been able to ascertain, seems
to have spent most of his time in this coun-
try.
When did learn to love her? Ask me
rather, when did We first meet? Even then
as my eyes fell upon the girl, l knew, as by
revelation, that for me life and her low,
meant one and the same thing. Till that
moment there was no woman in the world
the sight of whom would have quickened
my pulse by beat. l had read and heard
Of such love as this. l had laughed at it.
There seemed no room for such an engrosS
ing passion in my busy life. Yet all at once
/ loved as man has never loved before; ana
as sit tonight and gaze into the fire l tell
myself that the objectless life l am leading
is the only one possible for the man who
loved but failed to win Philippa.
Our first meeting was brought about in q
most prosaic way. Her mother, who suffer
ed from chronic disease, consulted me
professionally. My visits, first those of
doctor, soon became those of friend, and
was free TO WOO the girl to the best of my
ability.
Philippa and her mother lived in a small
house on the outskirts Of the town. They
were not rich people, but had enough to
keep the pinch of poverty from their lives.
The mother was sweet, quiet ladylike
woman, who bore her suffeTings with resig.
nation. Her health was, indeed, wretched.
The only thing which seemed likely to bene-
fit her was continual change of air and
scene. After attending her for about six
months, was in conscience bound TO in
dorse the opinion of her former medical ad-
visers, and tell her il would be well for her
to try another change.
My heart was heavy as gave this advice.