Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-10-28
NEWSPAPER WIT.

last night?" eyes" "Was he intoxi-
Gated ?" "WeH he was in full evening
dress. "-Boston Budget.
SAMUEL BUDLoNG, OF New York,
was paralyzed while playing poker.
The telegraph omitted to state the
hand that did it.-A7ta California.
'WAIIER, you can bring me a nice
young chicken smothered in onions ?"
"No, sab. We doesn't kill 'em dat
way, sab. We cuts off der heads."-
Ex. .s.....
UEDREssED kid is the favorite ma
terlal for slippers, says q fashion Jour
nal. 1t may be added that slippers
are not favorite material with the
undressed kid.-Hatchet.
BILL NYE's lecture is entitled e'Meli-
can Chin Chin" We have no hesitan-
cy in saying that it will be the most
successful humorous lecture ever con-
ceived.-ArkansaW Traveller.
A MAN by the name of Buckwheat is
in the employ of collection agency in
this city. He is valuable acquisition
to the firm, as he is more competent
to bring people to the scratch than
any one else.-PretzePs Weekly.
WE were invited to contribute to a
symposium the other day. On in
vestigation we found that 'sympo-
SUM" is described by the dictionary
as q drinking party" etc. And we
are in the hands of our friends.-LOw.
ell Times.
AMATEUR Poet -F'Again the MS. Of
all my new poems has been returned
to me. Oh, if [ only knew how to win
the EDITORS favor" The Editors
Friend-"Oh, that's very easy-don't
send him any more of your POEMS
FHegende Batter.
AT lecture on "The Decline of Lit
erature" the eloquent orator shouted,
"Where are the Chaucers and Shake
speares and Millions and Sponsors and
Macaulays? Where are they, l say ?"
And voice answered, sadly, from the
gallery. Gall dead"
"THAT's a bad cough you've got,
Charlie" "Sh!' It's no cough at ALL
Dye see that man coming?" Yes"
"Well, he's life insurance agent. If I
let on that I've got consumption he
won't stop and beg me to take out
policy, "-ChicagO News.
"WHAT does the parable of the sew
en- wise and seven foolish virgins teach
u.s." asked a Dallas lady, who was
teaching a class in Sunday school.
'"That we should always be on the
lookout for a bridegroom" replied
one of the smallest girls in the class.
"WHAT shall play for you, Regin-
ald?" asked the fair young graduate
of the musical college. 'FAnythingyou
please" replied the gilded youth. f'Do
you love Sullivan?" 81 do" replied
the musical enthusiast; che can slug
the head off Mccartney every time" -
New York Tribune.
~ SAY, old fellow, you knew Smith,
of Smithville, didn't your" "What,
old Bill Smith, the bow-legged wood
sawyer? % eyes; he's now living at
Globe, Arizona, and is rich. Made
fortune at mining" "Well, Mr.. Smith
always was a pretty good business
man. "-Chicago Herald.
A YOUNG hopeful, whose father is
very much interested in politics this
fall, electrified company of his
pater's political friends the other day
by the informatian thah his Claw was
aching so bad that he was afraid he
was going to have the mugwumps.
This is interpreted as mumps. Boston
Traveller.
''AND, dearest Augustus, when we
are married you will give me all the
pin money! want, won tyou darling?"
eyes, duckie, you shall buy all the
pinsyou can USE" ooh, deary, that's
so nice of you. There's beautiful
diamond pin down at the jewelers.
that I've wanted for ever so long,
Troy Times.
The Yuma Indians, it is stated,
have held g. grand council and Gre
solved to adopt pantaloons as an
article of dress" That's not a bad
idea. If they had resolved to adopt
pantaloons as an article OF food we
should have concluded that their civil
ization had gone backwards.
town Herald.
MAN Ito unknown other MANI
''rThis is the slowest affair I ever saw"
Other man-s'Yes; it is rather slow"
Man-"H [ knew where the wine was
kept, hang me if wouldn't liven up a
Bit Other man (araciously) --"Here's
the key to the cellar. Come along, it's
all right; I am the master Of the
house" -Ph7adeZohia Call.
HE was talking to the girl, and she
was suffering in patient endurance.
All at once his face lighted up and she
revived slightly. "Ah, Mr.. DeSappy,
what is it? ?" she inquired quickly and
expectantly. GA bwilliant thought
stwuck me, Miss Fannie" he replied.
"Indeed," she sighed YEARLY, "whose
was it ?"-Merchant Traveller.
LITTLE Johnny Fizzletop got a
scolding for tearing his new pants.
He fell while running and split them
at the knee. go, you bad boy" said
his mother angrily, chow did you
come to be so careless as to tear your
pants 2" II couldn't help it, ma. +
fell so quick that [ didn't have time
to take them off, i" replied Johnny.
A LITTLE colored boy went to a
butchers stall in Austin, and said to
the butcher: 81 say, boss, glib me q
little chunk of meat for our dog"
Gail right, black face and shiny eve -
cold tho b11tchnr oOO6 n atI1ra6ly1 GGVoo