The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-11-26
THE MERRY SIDE!

'1ts scold day when get word from you!
as the husband said to his wife.
new carpet-stretcher has been patented,
which greatly decreases the profanity.
Something new at the Portsmouth Skating
Rink. Guessing at the number of beans in q
jar.
Too many people think there is nothing in
book.
The Democrats have made gain at Kittan-
ming, Pa. The School House was burned there
last week.
Persons who attend skating-rinks, have OBJ
served that fat persons have many advantages
at such places.
Mrs. William Coons, of London, Indiana, was
badly bitten one day last week. Sheswallowed
her false teeth.
The Canadian half-breeds raised a big row
after Riel was hung. But it was little too late
then to do him any good.
Portsmouth enjoys two great sensations. The
ing of the distillery.
After while the people of this country will
not think of holding an election. They will
just have November lawsuit.
Miss Mollie Meeker, of Ottumwa, Iowa, un-
locked the gates of pearl with revolver. She
had no idea that it was loaded.
Riel wa" ga prophet" and several things were
revealed to him." But the most impressive rev
elation was the hangman's rope.
Exum Saint, Indiana, found guilty of violat
ing Pension Laws. He will find the Peniten
tiary the Inheritance of the Saint.
Noah Cherry, of Norfolk, Va, attacked little
girl. vigilance committee got rope and
made "Cherry- bounce" out of a tree.
Cincinnati is improving in morals. The dog
fighters have to go over to Kentucky. Cincin
natl drews the line at dog-fghting.
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There is no longer any doubt that Cleveland
is well-ba1anced man. 1t has been discovered
that his ancestors were Ohio clock-makers.
1t has been definitely settled that messages
come from the spirit world. Ben. Butler ha.
signified desire to go to Congress again.
Experts will examine John McCulloughs
brain. We suggest that the experts take the
brain and divide it among themselves.
A dispatch from the Bulgarian war says
''This movement leaves the road to Sofia open.'
This MEANS perhaps, that the old man has got.
ten out of the way.
Foraker thought he had friends before the
election, but there seems to be a general desire
for more intimate acquaintance since.
Two West Virginia men saw bear lying in
the road, after night. They both fired and
killed a man. He was dead drunk before.
The people of the United States are branch
ing out in the missionary work of numbering
Cinnamon. The heather must be saved, in
some way.
An exchange says "Cleveland's autograph
sold at auction for seven cents" And still peo.
pie will recklessly squander money and cry
out about hard times.
1t is noticeable that the American girl who
elope, generally chooses coachman for hel
darling. Perhaps the smell of the stables is an
Improvement on the average "cologne."
To talk TO a Democratic politician about hon.
or, is a good deal like talking to mule-driver
about joining the church. The two conditions
are incompatible.
The Democrats are greatly rejoiced at the re-
suit in Mississippi-not so much because of the
result as the manner of it. 1t was secured by
Republicans.
1t has been definitely settled that the ornith-
a four-footed animal, lays eggs. We
give this important item. with the hope OF rest
ing mems minds from the inordinate scramble
for office.
The Democratic method of reformation i'm
proves the physical manhood of the prisoners
in the Ohio Penitentiary. Several of them
have recently jumped clean over the outside
wall.
"Por 'felloe,'" said the wagon maker to the
tramp, "I knew you were tired as soon as you
spoke;' but you've got decidedly too much
tongue"
Allen O'Myers is lecturing on "Sunshine and
Shadows of Ohio Politics." The first half of the
subject is obsolete, as viewed from a Democratic
The Ironton Register says that an actress gave
IN entertainment at that place, and "not lady
)r female was present. If it was like a major
ty of the shows travelling around, there ought
ut to have been anybody else there.
+.+
Mrs. Rhoda Howard died in Bath county,
kentucky, last week, aged 1l6. Always smoked
/ pipe, never took dose of medicine-and
never attended Skating Rink.
SIS"
John H. Lewis, of Youngstown, was sentenced
o the Penitentiary. When the jury returned
heir verdict, he did not tremble, or faint, or
he'd tears He quietly took chew of tobacco.
Romantic runaway marriages quite fire.
luent. The romance lasts till the lady has to
pawn her clothing to pay the board bill. Then
he wishes she had minded Pa.
-
At Mandan, Dakota, a woman was taken up
lfter having been buried five days, and showed
igns of having been buried alive. But she was
lead. She didn't speak.
Elliott had Kiesewetter pulled for shooting
With intent to kill, but the Mayor couldn't see
ny intention to kill" He had only shot at
elliott two or three times 1t was all fun, any
Vay. What's the use of getting mad about it?
Columbus doggery-keeper tried to kill him.
elf by cutting himself across the breast with a
azor. Couldn't make it. There was no heart
here. If he had cut some distance lower he
night have reached the brain,
Thieves went to the farm of L. NJ. Barrett, in
ireene county, and stole thirty-four head of
attic. Mr.. Barrett is thinking of getting his
arm spiked down, SO that they cannot pull it
way.
At a show in this place, gotten up to meet the
wants and tastes of the public, the audience
how ed that the talent was fully and justly ap-
,reciated. There were just forty mine present,
the dead-heads.