Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1885-06-20
Wit and Humor.

England and Russia try hard enough
to have q circus around Akrabat.
Boston has clergyman for every five
or six bar-Iooms." 1t is now proposed
to have clergyman for every gin-mill.
The corporations of London have
voted to remove the dilapidated statue
of Queen Anne. Isn't it genuine Anne
tique?.
Mistress: maggie, I don't like to see
all the dust on the furniture"
Maid: Excuse me, I'll shut the
blinds instantly"
"Papa. why do the little pigs get SC
much milk?"
Because we want them to make hogs
of themselves.
Milliner: "Softs tints are mostly used
in contrast with green"
Girl of the Period: Gracious! ISM
green a soft tint?"
He: please give me your ring; like
my love it has no end"
She: "Please let me keep it, as like
my love for you it has no beginning"
Doctor: "For dinner take forty-6vt
minutes"
Timid Patient: "Would be danger
GUS to add piece Of meatal some veg
etables?"
Sunday School Teacher: "What il
the meaning of the words euench no
the spirit?'"
Bright Boy: "Papa says it means dom
put in any water"
Woman: "These cool days neces
state continuance of wraps"
Customer, being school-teacber: 81
am glad to hear you say that. Yes
school days do necessitate continuance
of raps. l always thought co."
"No, parson," said an unconverteG
citizen of Arkansas, II shall have to give
it up. Every time think I've got my
religion solid, something turns up thai
just makes me cuss. This morning
lost the last thread of my faith
trying to shoot Bill Green. Think of it
the gun wouldn't 60 off, and had te
cuss.
Judge: "How did you come by these
fish?'
Prisoner: II hooked them"
Judge: what have you to say, Mr.
Officer"
Policeman: "He tells the truth, your
honor. he did hook'em, and I saw it."
Judge: "Then why do you bring him
here? Discharged. Next case"
A lawyer and physician were pass
ing cemetery.
Il suppose, doctor, }" remarked the law
yer loosely, "that many of your cases
are lying there"
"Undoubtedly," the DOCTOR replied.
And" pointing to a penitentiary in the
distance. Il suppose that many of your
cases are lying there"
"The commentators do not agree with
me-" said the country minister in his ser
mon. The next day an old farmer, who
had heard the sermon, offered a load of
fine pink-eyes. "Parson," said he. "you
cay that the common taters don't agree
with you. Ifyou'll try mine, you'll like
them, and they'll agree with you. They
be sixty.five cents bushel, and we call
'em balls o. -four"
Mamma, is a monkey?" said a little
girl. Certainly not, my child. Who
said you were q monkey" Papa said
I was q sweet little monkey" "Your
papa should not call you monkey" 81
dess papa didn't mean to call me that;
but, mamma, if was q monkey I dess
papa would be awful sorry when he
thinks what a monkey'spapa is, wouldn't
he, mamma?"-Carl Preizcl.
EYES," boosted an Englishman in the
west, II have Tudor blood in my veins
from my mothers side of the family and
from my fathers"
lis that so?" said q citizen. my blood
Is little mixed, too. My grandfather
was a Jersey tenderfoot and my grand |
mother q Digger Indian squaw. We're
both half-breeds, stranger. Shake"
Squire Pummel: Il tell you, deacon,
ny daughter Sue is going to be fust-
lass artist. Her cattle pieces are so nat |
lral you can almost hear the critters
ow."
Deacon FUNNEL: "Pooty good. But |
ny daughter Sal can beat that. She
,ain't no Iaith in cattle pieces. But she's
,ainted some green cowcumbers SO nat
raj that the hull family came mighty
lear havin' chol'ra morbus."
$50 you went to the party with Mrs.
did your" asked wife of her
"Yes, as You were away thought it
7ould do no harm, as Elberton asked me
.. beinp detained ut home and not
1anting his wife to be disappointed"
"Well, don't believe in lending my
usband to anybody"
"Why not, Pray?" II
because it is not good, according to
1e Bible for man to be loan. From
ne Boston TINES.
A good old deacon in Connecticut was i,
cry pious and very fond of CLAIMS. /
7hen once upon time he attended .
hode Island clam-bake, he overtaxed
il capacity, and was sorely distressed.
~ hio Enifh N y,ravor woa unahQfnd |