davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Dangerous Bowel Disorders.

Now that bowel disorders, such as cholera, cholera morbus, diarrhea, looseness. pains in the bowels, etc, are prevalent all over the country, all should prepare for sudden emergencies. Mans fields" Mississippi Diarrhea Cordial " is the standard remedy. It has stood the test of untold thousands for upwards of thirty years and has never failed in sim gle instance. Every steamer plying the " Father of Waters" carry it and rely up- on it exclusively for the cure of bowel dis orders. One dose often alters the secre- tions, heals and cures, and a few doses never fails. Have it handy. It is safe, reliable and the best remedy of the kind in the world. Sold by all druggists. Pre- pared by the Mansfield Medicine Co.,, Memphis, Tenn.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
New York's Melodies

[Blakely Hall, in San Francisco Argonaut.
 To men who were born here and have lived here long, New York is miles and miles away so superior to any other city in America that they never think of utter ing them or mentioning them in the same breath. This may be the sublimity of conceit-perhaps it is-but the fact re- mains that New Workers consider there is but one city in America. They may travel all over the world, but when they return to America they live in New York In the same way we observe that if a man makes great fortune in Chicago, Mil. waukee, Cleveland, Cincinnati or Pitts burg he comes here, for many of the mag nihcent palaces on Fifth avenue have been purchased by men from other cities who made haste to come here as soon as they had made vast fortunes. don't know whether they like New York or not, but they seem to stay. It is true that a man does not amount to much here un- less he is good deal of man, but still the advantages of life in the most popular city in the Uaisn are too numerous to be overlooked. A man worth $Io 900 900 is of importance, if only on accoun, of bis wealth, in Cincinnati. But $Io 900 GOO unless it is strongly backed by soclal graces and other advantages, will do little or nothing for man in New York. l know that this s.a.emen, will not be ac- cepted, because it is the general impress sion that wealth opens the doors to so- clety in New York still such is not the fact. There are hundreds of millionaires along the avenue who live magnificently and spend enormous incomes, yet whom nobody knows or cares to know. Not long ago a list of the number of men who are worth more than Ss 900 900 was pub lishe in one of the papers here. There were hundreds of names, occupying con- siderably more than a column ard half and it is no exaggeration to say that fully flve-sixths Of them were entirely strange to the eyes of New Workers
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
"How's Your LIverI" In the comle opera of "The Mikado his imperial highness says:

 his imperial highness says:
 4 To make, to some extent,
 Each evil Liver
 A running river
 or harmless merriment." A nobler task than making evil livers, rivers of harmless merTimept no person, king or layman, could take upon himself The liver among the ancients was con- sidered the source of all mans evil im- pulses, and the chances are ten to one to-day that if ones liver is in an ugly condition cf discomfort, someone's head will be mashed before night How's your liver ?" is equivalent to the inquiry Are you bear or an angel to day2
 .Nine-tenths of the "pure-cussedness," ," the actions for divorce, the curtain lec- lures, the family rows, not to speak of murders, crimes and other calamlties are prompted by the irritating effect of the inactivity of the liver upon the brain. Fothergill, the great specialist, says this and he knows. He also knows that to prevent such catas,rophies nothing equals Warmers safe cure renowned throughout the world, as a maker of
 Each evil Liver
 A running river
 Of harmless merTment,n
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Plain Coon Hunting

iSpartanburg (S. e. spartanl
 Raccoon" may do with people who never saw enc of these animals, but those who hunt them are not going to use the word. What would you think of a man who would invite you to go "raccoon hunting" with him? You would know at once that he was a dude. But when you see an old-time darky, with one gal Jus on, horn worn smooth with long use, sharp axe sticking out at his shlr collar behind, a s-lookiug hall hound that puts on no airs, bob tailed, yeller cur, considerably scared up, ana a half-grown pup that he carries along G to see if he won't larn some sense," you may know that he means business. He is going "coon hunting"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Kissing the Parsons Wife.
New York Mercurv.I

There is usually such an order of sancti- ty surrounding the paIson that some of 1t naturally extends to those who consti. tute his family, especially his wife, who IS expected to set an example to every woman in the town. This assumption oi superiority - unconscious oftentimes - gives keen relish to any little contretemps which proves them as common clay as other mortals.
 Mrs. Blank, though anything but a blank, is the wife of pastor of a snug little church in snug little city, where they are both loved and fully appreciated. l. She is on the sunny side of forty, with a fair, sunny face, which is dimpled and pleasant to look upon. One day she was turning sharp angle of one of cur many arcades, when gentleman in haste to catch certain mail rushed round the corner with such force that he almost up- set the lady before he saw her. The col lision was so sudden and upprepared for that Mrs. Blank could not maintain her balance against such odds, and perceiv- ing this the gentleman gallantly threw out both arms and caught the lady to his bosom to save her. Of course he glanced down to discover, if possible, what man. ner of woman he was thus publicly and unceremoniously embracing, and was de. lighted to behold the familiar lace of his pastors wife almost touching his own. Poor man, what could he do, more or less2 The cheek was so fair. the smiling lips so full and kissable, the temptation was so great, smack went his bearded lips and away struggled the lady, blush. ing like any schoolgirl.
 Envious men who had witnessed the brie' pantomime tapped him approvingly, ladies smiled, enviously, perhaps, at their retreating sister, and picking up his scat tered mail the saucy kisser started forward again, but who should obstruct his path this time but Rev. MT. Blank, husband of the lady he had just kissed. He was laughing good-naturedly, and the kisser realized that he, too, had witnessed the ply.
 Determined to put bold face on the matter, he offered his hand and asked |: " Brother Blank, if pretty woman ran into your arms and put her red lips so close to yours that you could feel the breath and almost taste them, what would you do2"
 "Kiss her, just as you did," answered Rev. Mir. Blank.
 "All right all right parson; good, sound advice and if ever my wife runs you down and puts her lips up close to yours, you may kiss her and we'll call it square"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

! vas out Oa, the joy of such delivery l sat down on the bank and waited till he had ridden over to the old lady's with the basket of provisions, and when be came back got on his horse and he walked by my side until we reached home.
 Poor Grit was lost forever. But if lost my pony, by that little adventure, found something better. That something better sits by my side this moment and breathes sweet words of love into my ear, and as look into his eyes am per fectly content though shall never cease to mourn for my brave little pony, Grit.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
|" do not like thee, Dr. Fell,
 Thn ..,k., f

It has often been wondered at, the bad odor this of, quoted doctor was in. Twas probably because he, being one of the old school doctors, made up pills as large as bullets, which nothing but an ostrich could bolt without nausea. Hence the dislike. Dr. R. V. Plefce's Pieasan, Parga atlve Pellets arc sugar coated and no larger than bird-shot, and are quick to do their work. For all Arrangements of the liver, bowels and stomach they are specific.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
4 PECULIAR RECOMMENDATION.

A New York merchant who does busi. ness with Nose Schaunburg, of Austin wrote to the latter, asking him if a cer. tain Austin lawyer was reliable. The same lawyer owed Nose twen'y-two dol lars for suit of clothes. Nose turned to Jake Silverstone, his efficient clerk and said:
 "Caoost write to that man in Niew Yoricky. dot it vas one of my pishness principles never to say holdings pad of a man Tn mine own town. hence, for dot reason, says holdings about dot schay- hawk lawyer"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

"There is a great deal Of true religion in nature." solemniy remarked a young clergyman while calling upon lady o his congregation the other evening.
 There is, indeed" was the quiet re- ply.
 "We should never forget that there is sermon in every blade of g,ass."
 Quite true. We should also remem- Der while we are about it that grass Is GU, very short at this season of the year. Defy0it /axynal.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
The Letter ! in Spanish.
l Albuquerque (N. M Democrat

| tnADu4oetquS NENs ho.l OemocI2ksl
 A few days since stranger from the unconverted wilds of the east, where tenderfeet attain their highest state of seusitiveness, came out to Aibuquerque, New Mexico, to visit friend. While walking along Railroad avenue he said to bis friend:
 There goes a man met up at La Junta," giving the its natural pronun- citation.
 "You mean La Hunta," the friend re- piled. "That is Spanish name, and in that language takes the sound of h.-
 Is that sos Well, l must tryto catch onto that"
 After strolling along a short distance further he asked:
 "Where are these Jemes Springs, of which see so much in the papers ?"
 "You shou' say Haymess Springs :; they are over here in the mountains about sixty miles,"
 "Darn the language-it breaks me all up. That's pretty nice house over there that Armijo house, isn't it ?" and again he gave the it's proper pronunciation.
 You mean the Armiho house; yes, it's good one, too."
 "Damischa way of abusing the Eng lish alphabet. I reckon, then, that must be the Haffl Bros store down the street thereT"
 No, that is not Spanish name. I think il is French. However, it is pro- nounced as spelled"
 "Well, how in Santa Fe is fellow goiu' to tell what's Spanish and what isn't? Why couldn't they build their language accerdiu' to the original plans P
 "Oh, you'll soon catch on. You wlli ind it safest to give the Spanish pronun- citation to nearly everything here"
 An hour later they sat down at the table of the San Felipe hotel, and, after scanning the bill of fare, the stranger said 10 the waiter:
 You may bring me nice, huicy piece of roast beef, some pigs howl with caper sauce, some fricaseed hack-rabbit, some pork with apple helly, some boiled pota. toes with the Jackets on unskun, you know-some tarts with currant ja-l mean currant ham, and, ah, some-'
 At this point the waiter swooned and the guests in the room let out a roar of laughter that gave the chandeliers the chills and fever. This made the stranger mad, and he leaped to his feet like crazy man, took off his coat and threw it down on the floor and stamped on it and howled
 "You fellers are tryin' to play me for a sucker, but by the eternal, you've struck the wrong snag! Whoopee (and he jumped up and slapped his fists i'm dsstroyin' cyclone from Illinoy, an kin lick the hull crowd! Spanish? kin sling more Spanish in a holy minute than Montezuma could in a year Kin |! We'll should ehaculate that kin Let some idiot pull off his hacket and hump onto me, an the first time hit i'm he'll think he has the him-hams Span ish9 Oh, guess notl My names Jereni-I mean Jeremiah Homes, from Jacksonville, lllinoy am when my dau- der's up I'm ravin' hyenal You played me for a sucker, but you mustn't nudge man by his looks. Whoop, go sound the hubilee. Somebody come out and face me. Let some him crow galoot come to the front and critcise my Spanish har. gonp
 His friends got hold of him and took him from the room, and as he went through the door he remarked:
 " kin take hoke, but, by Hesus, it makes me mad for lot O kackasses to try to play me for greeney."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
A BIG DAY FOR THE COUNTRY.

Gel Bill Snort of the Crosby Couniy CAa,iSH and Parmer's Ki~aycator, was looking at large New York paper con- taining full illustrated account of the funeral of general Grant.
 Hello ]" he exclaimed as his face frightened up, this isn't national dis ast-r after all There is silver lining to the dark cloud"
 What is it?" asked friend.
 "Why here is one of my humorous items properly credited. What will the Bungtown BasOO, and the Flyville Courier say now2"
 N. B. The two latter papsrs are rival sheets of Colonel Shorts journal.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
A LUCKY MAN.

Hostetter McGinnis is one of the mos, lucky men in Texas. It he takes a chance at raffle he is sure to win. Ii he throws dice tor the drinks, somebody else has to pay for them. Not long since New York lawyer said to McGnnis:
 Lend me S75. I'd rather borrow money from you than any friend I've got'
 Why do you prefer to borrow from me2"
 Because you have such good luck, that really believe you would get your money paid back, although never did such thing in my life "
 As luck would have it, Hostetter did not have cent of money with him at the time.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
A Very Tiresome Prescription.

St. Louis Critc.l Doctor" Have you, sir, ever tried the seashore2"
 lnvalid-"Yes, 1 tried it once, but it's too hard work. Dressing and undressing is very tiresome."
 (" don't quite understand" "Weli, you sec, the doctor had there said must be sure and take toddy after each bath"
 " Yes; but suppose he did2" "lt keeps me in bathing all the time.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Nervous pehili.ated Men

You are allowed free Trial of sAirty days of the use of Dr. Dyes Celebrated Voltaic Belt with Electric Suspensory Appliances, for the speedy relief and per manent cure of Nervous Debility, loss oi Vitality and Manhood, and all kindred troubles. Also, for many other diseases. Complete restoration to health, vigor and ID anhood guaranteed. No risk is incurred. Illustrated pamphlet, with full information, terms, etc, mailed free by addressing Voltaic Belt Co.,, Marsha l. Mich.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

A financial paragraph in a morning paper says money is tight" Nov, when intemperance has such hold on the country that even money gets " tight" it is time for all good citizens to pause and say, " Is not the Hfohihitoa party in the night f"-K Kestsexy Sksts /osvxak
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Something and Nothing

When can man have something and nothing in bis pocket at the same time When there is hole in it. If there is a hole in the lungs it can he healed with Taylor's Cherokee Remedy of Sweet Gum and Mullen. Send two cent stamp to Walter A. Taylor, Atlanta, Ga, for Rid dle Book.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
COMIC HORSE PICTURES.

Delaying Start
 A "Festher-W Weight" Mounting Scalpss.
 The Man who Kept the Bridge. | The Sports who Came to Grief.
 A Trot-with Modern Improvements.
 A Balk on Sweepstake.
 Breaking In.
 Breaking Out.
 The Lions of the Derby-Iroquois and Arcts, The Parsons Colt.
 The Deacon's Mare.
 Blood Will Tell. The Crowd that Scooped the Pools. The Sports who Lost Their Tin. Bolted. Unbolted.
 The Boss of the Road.
 Bulldozed.
 Starting Out on His Mettle.
 Coming In Oh His Ear
 In and Out of Condition.
 Laying Back-Stitf for Brush. Hung 1 p-with the Starch out. Bound to Shine
 Bound to Smash.
 The Horse-shed Stakes. Getting Hoist.
 A Match Against Time, Horse that Died on the Mans HsndA The Trotter's Burial. A Cross-Matched Team. Dusted and Disguised. Nip and Tuck-"Anybody's Race" Going to the Front. A Fast Team "On the Loose" Taking Smash. A Hard Road to Travel. A Brush on the Road. Swill against Swell. Site Wheeler "Bustin' Trotter.a Regulsr Hummer. A Bad Break The Man who Knows Horse. First Under the Wire. Distanced. A Little High Strung. As Kind as a Kitten. A Prize Trotter. Played Out. The Butt of the Jokers The Point of the Joke Tapped on the Last Quarter. Mixei at the Finish. A Sale of Blooded Stock. Sponging. The Jockeys Dream. A Crack Trotter-A little of. A Crack Trotter- Coming around, Go in and Win. A Steple Chaser. We Parted on the Hillside. The Boss of the Track.
  On the Homestretch. ' hats WhatN the Matter. The Boss Team-Deadwood and Swiggles. The Bully Team-Scaldine and Early Nose Why Don't Yer Come Along? Well, Pm Blowedi A Poultry Show on the Road. A Poultry Show on Bust A Team Fast on the Snow. A Team Fast to the Pole A Hopeful Driver. A Dexterous Whip. Bu tin the Record-Time "Knocked out" A Corinthian Race--A High-Toned Start. A Corinthian Race A Low-Toned Finish. The Boss Hoss, driven by the King Pin. De Style ob de Road. A Crack Trotter-In the Harness of the Period A Crack Trotter-Betwetn the Heata The Hore that took the Pole. Free for All-Uncle Jakey's Mule. A Change of Drivers-Under the Rule. The Favorite in the Pools.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

A NEW KIND oFdCE CREAM.
 Nose Schaumburg is very much ad- dicted to the use of garlic. Oae day last week, he went into an ice cream parlor. The waiter came to him and asked what kind of cream he preferred.
 "Vat you gotI"
 "Vanills, lemon, pes oh, strawberry" would not have dose favors." "What sort of favor do you want ?" " Mine friend, don't you have some ice creams favored init garlic ?"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
COMIC ATHLETIC AND BOATING

Creating Creating sensation-Blcycla The Graces of the Bicycle. A Base Hit-Base Ball. A Foul Tip
 De Tug Ob War. Done Gone Busted. The Champion in Danger-Rowins. The Champion in Luck. The Skating Carnival. The Great Walk-Go as you pleasa The Great Walk-Come in as you caA Won by afoot-Walking Matc6. Amateur Muscle in the Shell Caved in the Busted Sculler The Champion Rowist
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

The stingiest man on record is an In- dianian- hs walked ont to the cemetery
 and died to save funeral expenses.-Kss- fseky Steks /euxak.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
Honesty Always in the Face.
tChicago Ledger.

An honest man may be about as hard to ind as a plumber with mortgage on his house; but when you do stumble up- on him he has his trade mark upon his face, and whether in homespun or store. clothes, might walk shrough the town with an umbrella under each arm with out fear of unjust suspicion.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

The Boston girl never refers to delirium tremens as the jim.j ans She drop. decorously into slang by calling it the tight squeszes a Ia James- 7He Halehel
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

"'Tisnt every man who can run fo council" remarked the candidate.
 "No some men can't get pardoned ir time to make the race" responded tn, man beaten at the primaries. .-.Sam, X, Searassoxek.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
COMIC RIFLE SHOOTING.

Crack Shots in Position.
 4 Sharp Shooter-with a bulge on the rife. A Sharp Rife-with bulge on the shooter. Pluribus Unum-"AY Yankee trick" Isod." Erin Go Bragh-"A bulls eve for the ould The Queens Own-"Wimhledon style" The Highland Fling-"A Bonnie shot for a
 cannie Scot"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
TWENTY CENTS EACH,
SIX FOR ONE DOLLAR

Are certainly the cheapest decorations for the hos the of1ce or the workshop that can be obtained ''
 Below we give partial list of pictures in sfock which will be changed weekly unl the entire csfa' logue of 4N Is published.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
10l911l COMIC 1lc1Vla
FOR THE
MILLION
CHEAP AND POPULAR EDITION

list comprising 400 of the choicest and ma, Imaginable subjects all beautifully coored EoItsa up In the highest style Of art. The sze of each nr ture Is l34 \ IS inches, printed on heavy hosrS suitable tor framing. and at the low price of
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

ArRemember that we will send by mail, POST rAID tS any part of the United States or Canada, any ONE of the above pictures for TWENTY CENTS. or any SIX pictures tor ONE DOLLAR. close with money order postal uote registered let. ter .or. more convenient postage stanaps. Send Sc stamp for catalogue.
 Address, ART PUBLISHING CO.,,
 1ItueRoeA. ArA
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
SWEETS SASS.
Texas Siftings.1

A NEW KIND OFFICE CREAM,
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1885-03-05

a tl Al NJ ssrnoval. AS post
it u rdilz1elphls hs permltted, X he
"a not oonnivo It, the ejaculation from
that once during the late campaign Of
enormous quantities Of obscene literature
published in the supposed interest Of
Blaine. Philadelphia was made the place
for printing Il, because the Republican
managers feared Anthony Comstock's In
reference in New York. The bulk Of it
was mailed from Philadelphia. The docu-
Tnents, which were Of the foulest and filth
lest sort, were sent In open envelopes, and
went into families in such way that little
children and pure-minded girls could hardly
fail to have them forced upon their notice.
1t was most infamous scheme of political
warfare.
Since p0stmasters have right to and gem
orally do interfere with the circulation of
lottery and gambling devices sent by mail,
and are prompt to pounce down upon the
circulation Of obscene literature, the pre-.
sumption is that Huidekoper knew to what
uses his Office and the mail service were
being put, and that he permitted it because
it was done by the managers of his party.
His conduct was that of the offensive
and indecent partisan who deserves to bt
brought to the block.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1885-03-05

6olns Of the newapaSers which scrupled
ns1 ~ make most indecent warfare upon
NJ &yeland arc exsrcised over report
fhoH fkore is movement against Post
nldule Huidekoper, Of Philadelphia, on
~ floiind that Is member Of the Union
LeoTle he offered . resolution in criticism
q ~. Cleveland" And, In defense Of
hin, II y said that ~ General Huide-
kopsr y not menaher Of the Union League
ut aIl, ~ is evident that come other pretext
win hsye to be found II any is wanted"
The GeSy went that Huidekoper moved
for : League committDs 10 inquire into
Mr.. Cleveland 's private life and personal
character and TO make public deliverance
thereupon that when he got his commit
tee II bore the names of half dozen indi-
viduals whose private character was 80
notorious that the very idea Of them act
ing ~ moral censors was ridiculous and
that Huidekoper was very Indignantly At
what he considered trick played up n
him by his political associates.
Hs this = il may, there is another VI y