News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-01-29
JIM'S INVESTMENTS.
COlOred Citizen Demonstrates Why
Signs of Good Luck are Useless.
From the Century,


Jim knowed all kinds of signs. He
said he knowed most everything. I said
it looked to me like all the
signs was about bad luck, and so asked
him if there weren't any good luck signs.
He says
Mighty few-an' dey amt no use to
body. What you want to know when
good luck's a-comin' for ?-want to keep
it OFF," And he said: ''If you's gots
hairy arms en- hairy breast, it's sign
you's agwine to be rich. Well, deys
some use in sign like dat, 'kase it's so
fur ahead. You see, maybe you's got to
be po' long time fust, en- SO you might
git discourage en- kill yo'self, eff you
didn't know by de sign dat you gwine to
be rich bymeby."
"Have you got hairy arms and a
hairy breast, Jim?''
whats de use to ak dat question :?
Don't you see has ?"
"Well, are you rich ?"
mo, but I ben rich wunst, and gwyne
to be rich agin. Wunst I had fo'teen
dollars, but I tuck to speculat'n, en- got
busted out.
"What did you speculate in, Jim ?"
s'Well, fust 1 tackled stock"
"What kind of stock p
"Why, like stock. Cattle, you know.
I put ten dollars in a COW. But l ain
gwyne to resk no mo- money in stock.
De COW Jpn died on my hams"
$50 you lost ten dollars"
mo, [ didn't lose it all. I on'y los
DO ut nine of it. / sole de hide en- taller
for dollar en- ten cents
''You had five dollars and ten cents
left. Did you speculate any more ?"
eyes. You know dat one-laigged mig
ger dat b'longs to old Misto Bradish ?
Well, he sot up bank, en- say anybody
dat put in dollar would git TO dollars
mo- at de en- de year. Well, all de mig
gers went in, but dey didn't have much.
So I str1cl, out for mo- dan TO dollars, en-
[ said + didn't git it I'd start bank my
self. Well, O. course dat niger want
to keep me out er de business, bekase
he say dey warn't business 'nough for
two banks, so he say could put in my
five dollars en- he pay EN- thirty-fve at
de en- er de year.
$50 I done it. Den I reck'n'd I'd in
yes de $35 right off en- keep things
movin'. Dey wus a niger name Bob,
dat had ketched woodhat, en- his mars
ter didn' know it; en- I bought it off'n
him en- told him to take de $35 when de
en- er de year come; but somebody stole
de wood-fat dat night, en- mex day de
niger say de bank busted.
So dey didn't none Nv US git no money"
"What did you do with the 10 cents,
Jim?"
"Well, us gwine to spen' it, but 1
had dream, en- de dream tole me to
give it to niger name Balum-Ba-
lum's Ass dey call him, for short; he's
one er dem chuckleheads, yu know
But he's lucky. dey say, en- I warn't
lucky. De dream say let BaIum inves'
de ten cents en- he'd make a raise for
me. Well, Balum he tuck de money, en-
when he wuz in de church he hear de
preacher say dat whoever give to de POI
len to de Lord, en- boun' to git his
money back hund'd times. So Balum
he tuck en- give de ten cents to de POI,
en- laid low to see what wuz gwine to
come of it,"
"Well, what did come of it, Jim ?"
"Nuffin' never come of it. I couldn't
to k'leck dat money no way; en-
Balum he couldn'. I ain gwyne to len
no mo- money 'dout I see de scnrity.
Boun' to git yo' money back hund'd
times, de preacher says Ell I could git
de ten cents back, I'd call it squah, en-
be glad er de chanst."
"Well, it's all right anyway, Jim, long
as you're going to be rich again some
lime or other"
"Yes-en rs rich now, come to lock
at it. owns myself, en- rs with eight
hund'd dollars. But live stocks too
resky, Huck. L wisht I had de eight.
hund'd dollars, en- somebody else had de
Niger" MARK Twain.