Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-11-13
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

yet always tired ~ A bicycle.
Consideration for young unmarried men:
You can never be called copper until
after you pop.
London has seventy-eight miles Of
saloons, and man gets tired there before
he knows it.
Mark Twan's autograph recently
brought 10 cents ~ auction. 1t would he
worth considerably more than that on the
bottom of a check.
New York now has u sort of German
concert garden under cover, arranged
with refreshment tables etc, SO that peo-
pie can spend charming evening together
without having their enjoyment spoiled by
the music.
a society writer wonders why young
ladies always have to be pressed to sing.
He is evidently a greenhorn on the subject
of girls.
"Why won't Americans vote for brains
instead of cheek and cash ?" inquiries
contemporary. If they voted for brains,
too many of their ballots would be scat
tering."
Too many people believe in enforcing
the prohibitory law in the letter, but not
in the spirit.
This is II queer world Jersey city Jour-
! Hdl-rhe remark is not original, but
highly creditable to a journal which is so
fond of gathering chestnuts as our esteem
ed contemporary.
| Dakota has an Indian named "Two
Strike" If he should ever witness base
ball game he would surprised at the APP.
parent number of his acquaintance.
! In spite of the fact that there are $4,000
young women in the colleges of this coun-
try, there ncvcr were so many paper-cov-
cred novels read as at present. Our grand
mothers must be getting frivolous.
| There are $50 saloons in Cincinnati that
sell beer for three cents glass and throw
in Il free lunch yet they had II terrible
rot there not long ago. Some people are
never satisfed.-LortI citizen. They
probably want chrome thrown in with
tle lunch.
Foreigners crawl on their stomachs
when they go to shake hands with "A ruler
in Japan. We really didn't suppose peo-
pie were 50 careless with their banana
skins over there.
Oculists predict that we shall become a
specialized nation in fifty years more. AS
tar as our navy is concerned we are Il spec
tdcle now.-St, Pau Globc
a Woman's Way "Tlat's very pretty
dress of yours dear. Ii looks just like
silk" But it is silk" "Oh, dear,
thought it was worsted n'-Puck.
A man was fined 81 last week in II New
York court for calling a lawyer liar, and
yet we have nodoubt that the offender had
sworn to tell the truth.-TCrdS SittnqS.
school Suits advertses clothing
dealer. 1t may suit the parents, but we
violate no confidence i'll saying that vaca
lion suits the average small boy better
SomcrrillC Journdt
Father-What is your favorte hymn
Clara, my darling
Clara-The one you chased away over
the fence last night, dear pa.-LOlccH CIT
izCH.
Humanity owes at least one little deb
of gratitude to Emil lola When he wa.
poor he used to catch English sparrow.
and eat them. Now, any man who viii
come to America and eat English spar
rows can secure steady employment al
good wages and will be hailed as Il public
benetactor.-B roOElw EdUc.
Professor TO first applicanU-Name anC
age, sir
FIRST student-Abner Bascom age II.
Professor TO second appiicant-And
you sir
Second student-Phineas Bascom age
II.
Observation-Disclosures?
;. S.-GeS, sir.
ProfeSsor-Twins
;. S, (doubtfully)-Wel ye-es twins OIL
our fathers side We're from Salt Lake.
Professor-Oh, oh.-Chtcago Rambler.
a duck of a man generally makes ;
goose of IL husband.-dtldntG ConStitu
tom.