davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

Jesus Valencia, Mexican residing six
miles from Tucson, il now in the city.
He is either the father Of the largest
family in the Territory or member Of
the band Of Forty Rocky Mountain
Liars. He stated that he was the father
Of s. children, all living, the youngest d
whom was three months old, was thu
husband Of seven wives and had himself
paused his SD year in tho land Of thu
living. Tucson Star.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

Bobby laboriously lugged apail into
the parlor, whore the family was Assem-.
bled, and asked his maternal grand.
mother to kick it. why should ! kick
il, Bobby !" grandma inquired in amaze
mont. Just 10 amuse pa" said Bobby.
HE said he would give BIO any time u
zee You kick the bucket"
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

docs your husband 60 to tho lodge,
Mrs. Gibberick I" well, he just don't
l broke up that little game quite while
ago." why, how the world did you
do IL :" whenever he started for the
lodge I went with him - far - the
skating rink, and told him to call for me
on his way home. 1t only took . few
doses to cure him.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

The ''thought -reader" placed his hand
ON the mans head. Withdrew it, and
struck him . fearful blow on the nose.
When the man got out from under the
chair and asked the reader what he hit
him for. be replied, ''Just ~ l placed my
hand on your head you thought I was Z
COMPOUNDED fool; and I don't allow any
man to think that, no matter il he's n
big ~ housed"
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

yellow fsvsr i working into Texas
frun Mexico, and quarantine stations
viii q oucs b sslahlishsa - Laredo and
n Paso and inspsctiou made OF all m
coming trains.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

1t il to b hoped there will be M
bloodshsd between the Gentslss and Nor
mons. The death Of Gentle docs mol
amount TO much; but whom Mormon il
killed. from seven to seventeen widow
lose the light Of their life and tho provi
der Of their groceries.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

because it is not sufficiently rich to mill
probably. The mines are good and con-
tain large quantity Of fine ore. Poor
management and miserable milling facili-
ties is the cauae Of all trouble, TO which
may be added the wherewith to carry on
work. TRAVELLER.
Hike, August u, 1885.
A CURIOUS ExPERNENT.-The Scien-
ti6c American Is responsible for the fol-
lowing: Two persons stand on each
side Of = fifth, who il seated in chair.
The four raise their hands (which are
clasped, with their forefnger extended
a. high as possible over their heads, At
the same time deeply inhaling. They
then simultaneously bow as low ~ pos.
siblo always facing the sitterl bending
the body from tho hips and swinging the
extended arms from the shoulder to the
knees, at the same time inhaling ~
strongly AZ possible, these motions being
repeated threes times together. Az they
risa from tbs hast position for the third
time, tho extended fore6ngers are placed
under the knees and arms Of the sitter,
and he 10 lifted high in the air ~ light -
- feather. In this way ! have seen
four young school girls. under the age Of
sixteen. lift man that weighed $50
pounds, without any apparent exertion.
MucH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. The
artillery Of heaven in this vicinity can
kick up bigger racket. frighten more
people, and bring forth less, than in any
other part Of the world. On Thursday
night the lightning illuminated the upper
regions and tho thunder turned itieli
loose, causing the mountains to tremble
ct their foundation, rousing every one out
Of their beds, and after all this rumpus
but ten drops-by actual oount--of rain
fell 10 the earth. The lachrymose old
Rain God prohibited tho acqua from
flowing.
THE largest body Of ore ever STRUCK
in the Monitor mine. says the Taylol
Rsnex, il now being opened up north O
the ravine. and II looks like il might leai
on TO . Con. Virginia. Tho excavation
from which ore has been taken is NOR
than Nx1 let. tho ore BODY continues
s ,;. ~ .e' 49, ~ osS .oa. ;se IN
average Of six assays from al parts o
the ore body was e70.l8. Ore taker
from this part Of the Monitor has uni
iormly worked up to W per cent
A Procur BELLE remarked that nov
that tho n;.tr;ct Court Nd .d;o,rr.,
she hoped some Of tho young men woul,
nav little attention to ,ome other kin,
Il Counting. AZ ooon = our devil. w
~ Prspossessing yoush. heard q the r
osrsmo ~ Srsd' Mor.i - non% "
i;svs svsrvth;pe ! P;oohs Jsm..i s.vs y
Tuv c....;o., X, ,,;n..., 100. :. ~
~, Is. ~ 4s,s ~.
The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1885-08-22

s's 's-r s e. x:.s os $500 -
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
4 INDUSTRIOUS TIME.

"You do not look we'll" said the gov ernor of Arkansaw, addressing an old fellow who had just arrived from the northwestern part of the state.
 "No, am bad of. never had such a spell O sickness sense the day was bornd."
 Malaria ?"
 No, governor, not malaria. 1 don't mind malsria. Why, malaria is fun for me, but the caper that struck me about three months ago come nigh blowin' out my taller dip. Eft hadn't been for the fact that l am so hump-shouldered would have been gone"
 "What difference did that maker
 "Well, you see, was tuck down with meningitis Its game is to pull mans head back. With me, that was impossi- ble. You never seed sich struggle in your life. Sometimes after a long pull the internal thing would spit on its hands an go at it agin, an l would brace my self an grin. Oh, we had mon strous time"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
LIKE HIS FATHER.


 The other evening there were several visitors at Colonel Cradson's house. The colonel takes great delight in showing of " his little son, and when the boy sp. peared at the parIor door, the colonel said:
 "Come in, Henry. Speak to the ladies and gentlemen, An, that's a man." "He is fine little feliow," sald Mrs. Crafiney, one ofthe visitors. "come here, my little man."
 The boy approached her and permitted her to lift him on to her lap.
 "Why. you are heavy. How old are youl"
 Six years, goin' on seven" "Yes, and you'll soon De man. What are you going to do when you become . mani"
 Do like pa does" How does he do7"
 "Oh, sometimes when he comes home a. night he falls over a chair" "Heny! l" exclaimed the colonsI. @Faiis over q chair and when nav gifts mad hs says iis . pretty way s5. =c=s=s to go on jast because a man takes two beers and"
 The coionel had seired him.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

an here she comes. Gineral, a constable ain no whar an nobody notices justice O the peace when the postmaster is around, but alas man is doomed to dis appointment. lust as was way up on the ladder O public pride an prosperity, old Cleveland gun to buck agin mo. |, wan, right; I'll sw'ar to the saints, is want. Now that teller they put in my place is Twin like race hoss, an I'm livin' like plow nag. Ef thar's one thing in this world that kaint stan, 1t is humel- leration. l ken stand poverty, ken stand to owe mighty nigh every man tn the neighborhood, ken stand to go hongry an' have a stone bruise an de~ piEcn At the same time, but kalnt bar to think that the gineral government O this coun- try has 30, il in fur me. When ken you write that letter "
 MT. Garland's eyes had frightened, "l am perfectly willing to accommodate you, MT, ZinSford, and will write the let. ter pretty soon. am very thankful ,hat you came, for am very lonesome"
 Lonesome
 "Yes, you are the first man that has called on me for several days. You see my cook is down with the yellow fever - hold on. 'squiTe!'
 When the squire reached the isot oi the hill he realized that he had leit hts hat, but lacking the courage to return toi t, he shook his garments and pursued his solitary way in the direction of May Bloom.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
QURsTIoNs ANSWERED.

Society does not regulate the siss of . mans pistol, but people who wear hghl reyolyers in winter are somstimes cdu- cised.
 Prairie laud Is generally barren of tim. ber. When you are in the woods ii is reasonable to believe that you are mol ea the prairie.
 No, negroes are not killed bslons breakfast. The Arkansaw man does not go to work until he has eaten something.
 A.torney.C General Cahsad's hair waa never more than ioas feet Iosg.
 Yea, Little Rock Is great circus town. Whole families sometimes sell tAais household farnisurs for money sseush ts pay their way into the show. Thsy sss generally philosophical people and asgss that life wisAous : cireas is bat bAsssa waste.
 Wild turkeys are not sssy pumssoas is the larger towns of the stsss. Bears ass very scarce in Huie Rock. bus "cooas are very numssous.
 Land agents always tell the truth. 5oma time ago one agent was suspected el tsll- ing lie, bat upon investigation t was found that the immigrant had simply misunderstood him.
 People who live in the swamps scae. kimes have chills, but they seem so ssjey an exercise that requires 10 exsrtios ss their part. t is no tEoubls to sha1ha when you have chit. The Shaiss ass said to have originated h the ssamps. <
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

CHATS, oman, Iut NC Ewine tet run us piece O property. Ain yer gwine9 Hahi"
 He seized piece of board and struck her. She made no outcry, she said nothing, but giving him look which is DOW doubtless haunting him, she turned away. After this sae avoided him. He was kept busy at the mill and would sometimes spend the entire night at work.
 One day while the woman was sitting in her house, mourning over her i.-satsd marriage, two men approached.
 "Where is your husband2" one of them asked.
 "Down at de mill"
 "Where is the mill? We have looked for it but cannot tind it."
 "l tole him he wuz hidin' dat place too much. He's de meanes' man in dis heah worl, an wushes he wuI in de pennytenchy"
 The men smiled One of them said
 "Your wish will doubtless be gratihed. He has begun to make wild cat whisky, and we want him."
 "Thank de Lawdi' old Silvey ex- cllimed. Gennermen, you hah dun gin erbused oman CT chance ter git eben wid CT wolf in sheep's britches. Come erlong wid me. wants yer ter hide outside an I'll go in an talk ter de scoun'rel. When shouts, come in an grab de genner man."
 The men acted upon her suggestion.
 When she entered the mill, old Bidney was in the act of emerging from a cellar. AS soon as he saw her he hastened out and closed the aperture.
 "Whut yer doin' down heah ?" he asked.
 "Come down ter look arter my prop erty."
 "Yer talks like yer's los all yer sense"
 "Yas, an Ider los ebeything ef had er listened ter vessel"
 Look heah, doan yer come roun' slanderin' me. Fust thing yer knows m take CT linn an wore yer out. Doan yer laugh at me-"
 He caught up rope and started to- ward her. She shouted. The men rushed in. Old Bidney was s,upe6ed with astonishment. Alter awhile he said
 "Whut yer want, gennermens
 They explained. The old fellow dropped on his knees and prayed. No use. When they had put handcuffs on him he said
 "Dat's whut CT man gits fur foolin' wid one O desc heah blamed wimmin. hopes de house will fall down on yer some time an mash yer"
 As they were leading old Bidney away, his wife sat down on a log and laughed.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
his OWN IGNORANCE.
A Philosophical colored Man and a
 Viettrnissd Otgic,af.

"Nat," said state official, addressing an old negro, "l told you to bring ma a possum."
 "ras. sab, das's whu, un'ers.ood ysr ter say,'
 "wsll, you ,haing rascal, why did yoa deceive me P'
 Did l 'ceibe yer, bosss"
 "Yes, you did, you good -ior-no,hing seoundrel."
 "Look out, boss look ou, [ doan mine CT man playia wtd me CT little. but when he commences ter pinch me, wy, den gifts sorter ashey. How did 'celhe yer, sah '"
 "Why, you brought mo coon instead of a 'possum."
 "Who did r'
 "You did, coniound you"
 "Whut did yer do wid de coon ?"
 "Ate him"
 "Ah. huh Didn' kno~ 1t wus ss coon den, did youH'
 No, | dldnt.
 How long arter yer eat him wus lt fore yer iound out Il wus CT coon 4''
 The next day"
 "how did yer find ou, r"
 "A man who saw you Skinning the coon told me so."
 Wall, nov look CT heah, boss, whea CT man eats CT coon fur eS 'possum an doan fine out de diifunce tell dc naixt day when some pusson tells him, yer ken put it down ia, he amt none dc wus oa. an da, he ain got Sich es inc appertise far 'posAum nohow, 'B!eeged ter yer, sab. fur putin SO much comierdencs in ma.h
 ought to knock your head oG."
 Whu, furr Case yer eoaldn' tell e coon rum CT 'possum I'clar ter good- ness, yesss'fs de onIeasonahles' man eber seed"
 "it should have made no difference to you whether or not could tell the dis ference between coon and 'possan, you"
 "it didn' make no difference wid me an dat wus de Isasob : fosca Yes 4s 'eses. Wy, sah, ef didn' know dc difuncs 'twix' CT coon an CT 'possum woup hh on coon an sell 'possums. wush had yer sppe',ise, boss Wy. sab. it oaghsss ter cost vessel nothin' hardly ter lib far yer ken 70 down 10 dc country an git q wagip load O 'eoons fur fifty cents sFtsr dar skins hab dun been tuck of."
 "Go on. no~. and don't talk ,o me. 1 am mad enough to shoot you."
 "Co'sc yer is, an all on CT eount ss yer own iguuncs. Say" he added as hs turned 10 70, "ef yer wuster shoot me yer couldn' tell whudsr yer had shot ~ niggef UT CT white nsn. Er haw. haw.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
THE COTTON TIME.

De watermillon's gone but de punkin hab come, Mighty sweet fur ter put in de bred, See dat uA yander, big ez CT kittle- drum, Gwineter eat till I'se sick, l'se CT fred. De ole hawk cries ez he flies o'er de fel', He seed dat pa'tidge whar he lit, An he's gwine ober dar fur ter git hissef CT meal; Amt got no mercy, not CT bit.
 Oh, de time fur de pckin' O de
 co,ton's on ham,
 Praise Mars Jesus CT yer go
 down de row;
 Oh, come CT long chillun an line
 de happy ban,
 Praise Mars Jesus whar eber
 yer go. De a'r's mo- sudden-de falls dun bon, An de grass in de orchid is brown, An heahs de sad russle O de dead blades O. con In de hush when de sun am down. Dc blow hoss stumbles CT long in de lot An lashes his tail at de fly De dinner hc'n's CT blovn', my name is in de pot Gwineter rassle wid CT sweet pertater pie. Oh, de time fur de pickin' O de
 cotten's on ham,
 Praise Mars Jesus ez yer go
 down de row.
 Oh, come CT long chillun an jine
 de happy ban,
 Praise Mars Jesus whar eber
 yer go.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
THE REASON.

See that fellow going along yonder P "Yes."
 "Weil, sir, rode fif.y miles with him the other day and found him be the dull est man saw. He can't sec the point of joke to save his life"
 "Do you know the reason p
 @No. Why|
 He is the editor of humorous pa- per-"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

As Mark Twain develops as business man he loses individuality as writer. Business and amusing conceit do not go hand in hand.
 A desperate man, known as the Swamp Angel" has just been captured in eastern Arkansaw. Hehas made quite a reputation, having killed five or six men. At one time he almost succeeded . in robbing train, and although numer- ous efforts were made to capture him, he ran at large until recently when Deputy United States Marshal Faulkenbury nabbed him. The Swamp Angel is not gallant outlaw, ready to assist widows and orphans, but is brutal and in every way deserves temporary position at the end of rope.
 The south is again overrun by tramps Many of them are old men who claim that they have been thrcwn out of em- ployment and are compelled to roam through the country. It does seem strange that men, in the wealthiest coun- try in the world, living under the most liberal government on the face of the earth, cannot find employment. Expert mental financial policies may serve well enough for spectators, but such tentative measures drive poor men from their homes. The remedy may be beyond human reach, but it dees seem nothing more than right that national ( fort to- ward improvement should be made.
 The Rev. Elixir Scruggs is creating quite sensation in Arkansaw, as a re- sivalist. He belongs to the Sam Jones school, but his language and his ideas are much farther advanced than those of Mir. Jones. The following is an extract from a sermon recently preached by Mir. Scruggs: YThe devil has announced himself as candidate for the chief ruler ot men, and it is our duty to go to the polls and AeSeat him. More than that, t is our duty to stuff the ballos.box with ughteousness-our duty to count the old scoundrel out. The devil once made it . business to lead me by the ear but vas determined to break away from him even if Jeff the ear in his paw, but thanks to an All-wise Providence, suc- Oeeded in getting away without abbrevia- 6oa- | believe that hell is hotter nov than 1t ever has been. The heat of that place increases with the coming of each year. After a while it will be SO that Neu all have to wear thick soled boots. An, how do love you all How would 6ke to see us all united in one grand bro<herhood! My friends, when the desii rides up to your gate and yells shealoa r don't slip out the back door, bst go out and fight him with all your sareagth. If he downs you, do not ask far mercy, but get out of his way as best yoa can and pray for more strength. = not charge anything for my preach hg, but will take every cent you are . Aaind to give me. Let us pray"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

I ain gwine ter ieabe my britches in reach O de man dat is all dc time foller- in me up an tellin' mo dat he wants ter do me CT faber.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

Some folks is allus sayin' dat dar ain nuthin' new un'er de sun. Dem folks whut holds dis heah idcc oughtes git CT hol, O some peach brandy da, 1 tuck e snort O some time ergo, an blame ef da wouldn' change dar chuae. Wy, dat brandy wur so new dat [ could heah |, hoppin' roun' on its sIl-foura Wy. de jug had fuxz on it.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

Oar ain nu,hin' more deceIbin' den soun'. Oar atm nushin more piiyiul den dc cry O CT wild cat, but, oh. Liwd, whut CT mouf an claws dat varmint hab got
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

Er man wid CT appetite stronger den his will ain' gwinetes mount ter nuthin in dis wori', eben ef ds 'tractsd m mee,in' an 'vivai seasoa wustsr come roEn ten times in ct year.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

The cotton picking seasos has opened and the smooth negro frsm town has gose down into the country to shoffis cards, shoot craps" and make his Iiv- ing by the sweat of another mass brow.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.

De big liar kain' hep rum bein' CT big talker De do: dat's allus barkin ia de woods ain treed nothin' yit.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03

De man whut's got CT whole lot CT ln- tic 'complishments doan ermount ter much. De trick mule ain' no 'cou pt ter work.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-10-03
LIM N INGS.

As Mark Twain develops as business man he loses individuality as a writer. Business and amusing conceit do not go hand in hand.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-22
Save the Corn Stalks.

Of the many things l admire in my
German neighbor, none excite my re-
spect more than the very successful way
in which he manages his corn stalks.
His plan does not differ from that gen.
orally adopted. He husks his corn in
the field, ties the stalks into bundles.
stands these bundles into stocks, and,
when dry, draws them into the barn. or
makes them into high. narrow stack.
that is pretty much all roof The
Deacon and I do the same thing. The
only difference is, that We propose to
draw them in tomorrow, or the next
day. or as soon as convenient, and the
result is, that something happens to
postpone the work, and before we know
It the stalks are wet, and we must wait
until they get dry again. And some
times we repeat this process of waiting
for a convenient time, and November
snow finds the stalks still in the field.
Not so with Mr. Jacobs. He does not
wait. His stalks are frequently secure
in the barn or stack before some of Us
commence to husk. His cows and
Young stock are in the field, picking up
the stray ears and scattered fodder be-
fore they are injured by the rain, and
before we realize what has been done
the field is narrowed to level down the
stubs and the next day the boys are
blowing and getting the land ready TO
sow barley next spring Cor. american
AQricastmist.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-10-22
URUGUAY.
Interesting Information About q Pros
porous Pastoral Republic.

Interesting Information About q Pros
porous Pastoral Republic.
The Republic of Uruguay is devoting
itself to cattle-raising on an extraor j.
nary wholesale ale. One of the lead
ing raisers, recently interviewed, has
given the statistics. Eight million
horned cattle, 100000 sheep, and
1,500, 600 horses constitute the stock in
trade of this model but extensive pas
toral Republic. The export returns
show what a heavy customer England
continues to be-. She takes per cent.
of the total exports. Brazil being debit
ed to 20, France to IL, the United States
to IL. and all others to the remaining
q. The country is most prosperous
and the tide of immigration steady
20,224 last year; women, however, in
an alarming minority, and constituting
less than quarter of the arrivals.
Four thousand vessels sailed in the
same year from the port of Montevideo,
with registered tonnage of
over 1,500. 900. Next come statistics
about the cattle. The average novillo,
the steer most used for fattening, gives
$50 pounds of jerked beef. sixty-eight
pounds of sailed hide. and forty pounds
of CT ase. and besides that there are
the bone ash, the hair and the horns.
Business is done on such wholesale
sc lie that everything is utilized. All
his constituent pa IS thus counted up
and allowed for, the novillo brings in
twenty dollars head. while the COM
mission for bringing to the packers. the
cost of killing and preparing for market
is about four dollars, leaving the net
proceeds at sixteen dollars. 1t will be
seen that such business as this is nee
essarily extremely profitable. In the
slaughter houses, called 'tsaladeros,
500 cattle day are killed. A lasso. one
end of which is attached to steam
winch, is thrown over the horns of the
victim and the winch set working; the
beast is summarily hauled up against
bridge upon which stands the slaugh-
ter man, 'swho with a stab back of and
between the horns with a large dagger
knife cuts the spinal cord, and the ami
NAL drops dead without struggle.
-CHscaO0 Tribune