Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1885-08-22
THIRD PERSON, SINGULAR.

THIRD PERSON, SINGULAR.
A WOman's Sarcastic Plea In Behpl +
OF the Rights OF Her Sex.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Do you know of any man who wants to
work for the glory of Il want to say ooun-
try) something. and be hero, and then
die; and be obitnaried and catafalqued
and euloojzed, and have all his sin for.
gotten, and then be cremated and his
ashes counted. so that every household
in our land shall have one grain over
which to build an actual monument that
shall last forever-beyond even that of
Washington and Lincoln and Grant +?
These three heroes will never rest con-
tent without their complement OF q
fourth, who shall finish the good work
they 30 we'll began. Hurry up. Mr..
Editor, and set him to work. For he
must dig out the word sex, body and
soul. from politics, and from evelJ scrap
| OF money, and from the constitution of
his blessed United States.
What lace and what burden it is
in the daily duties of ordinary life
this theory of sex in politics ald in
financial matters! had charming il
Illustrative experience IN the fitness of
this theory only last week, which in
these dull times seem too good to keep
1 concluded to take books from the
public library again. so presented my
self at one of the places where fair
haired lady presided, and modestly
notified her of nv intention.
"Have you certlfcate?" she asked.
"No?" "Well, here is one, which please
have filled out properly, and she waved
me of peremptorily, using the certifi.
cate as q wand and disappeared.
| took the certificate and would like
to have asked her what the next steI
would be for me to take in order to sec
ure the card; but the hazy atmosphere
OF the dark room plainly suggested tina,
no question ought to be asked by any
one who valued an unbroken anatomy
So 1 moved off slowly, thinking, per.
haps, the certificate might help me, and
began to read it, thus: Il. the subscrib.
er, hereby certify that, residing at
No.--street, is 3 fit person." etc.
was going to sign my own certificate,
get card, and finish the whole business
IN ten minutes instead of devoting
another day or week to it. But I could
not sign this one, as it was printed fol
the third person singular, under some.
oody's protection. and not in the first
person. I could not write: II is q fit
person" ect., and 60 signed this one, that
would be the way it would read. MOI
could I say that the third per
son singular ''am fit person." etc
Either way. and the ghosts of Yields an6
Greene both would annihllate me,
looked up, and to the left of me q wa.
facing the spot the fair haired lady hao
occupied) was another partition which
fenced in not only dark brunette sbout
four feet four inches in height, bat per
and ink, and undoubtedly q lot of Ger.
titicates that l could sign for myself
advanced hopelessly, and said: 81
have certificate here, bat upon read
ing it find that cannot fill it out fo
myself = perhaps you have some
others"
Haven't eny other" she snapped out
and made movement toward m,
(though there was desklike thing be
tween US, luckily as though she woult
be glad to kick me.
"But, madam" etc.
"But, madam am responsible, and i
isn't necessary for any one else to sigl
for me-"
"Don't make any difference; you're {
woman. n woman can't sign for her
self nor for any other woman" sh,
hurled at me, with another dangerous
movement toward me.
I felt petriied, and must have locke,
so, but finally said: Il don't understand
this. thought could get card my
self, for am responsible, and I don
like to ask favors of any one unneces
sarily." Something like pity fitted owe
feet this time) toward me while sh
"Perhaps you have husband then. Arr
you married ?" This question seemed g.
audacious and untimely and violent tha
it made me as dumb and deprived m
OF memory as completely as if hat
received a sharp sunstroke. Ha'
II been sworn to tell the Who'll
truth and nothing but the trutl
about my civil state just then coult
not have told whether I had hus
band or not, I only remembered that
came there to get card and carry
away with me, all the rest being q pei
feot blank, though had I been pushe,
for an answer should have said that
had husband rather than loose tn
chance of getting that blessed caro-
While coming to remember that fel
deep sense of modification for my de
linquency in this matter, and wishe
with all my heart that could rectif
my great error at once in order to be il
accord with the evident fnndaments
principles of the Chicago public llbrar,
But could see no way out of the diff
Guilty just tten, and asked her in cor
strained way: is it necessary for
woman to have husband in order t.
get card from tho ibraryY'
"Well, yes, it is better" che said, in
more torglving manner, shut, anyho,
land her voice creecended again and he
speech quiskened), mah's got to sig
Tor woman-nO woman can sign fC
herself nor for any other woman, m 70
, must have man to sign for you-an
man; dosen't make any difference VIII
he is.
I had to accept the situation whethe
would or not. So ]. laid down the pe
which I had taken ups but did not relir
lquish that awkward certificate printe,
in favor Of the third person singular.
wished hadn't eeen it. The card, col
or yellow and one of the fifth sefiel
which had iured me into all thls troubl,
and also to be made Out to the thir
person singular, objective cnse, an
, siRned by the frat person singulal
nominative case, and masculine gende
was further from me than ever Th,
fOur-f0ot four brunette had saitl it vi
& better to have o husband IN order 10 n