The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-01-16
THE OLD, OLD STORY.

THE OLD, OLD STORY.
to Relate and the Exaspcrating Obstacles
He Met With.
think that one reason there are so
few good story tellers among us is that
the listeners are, in many instances, so
willfully and stubbornly unappreciative
that it tends towards discouraging the
skillful narration of frs.-class anec-
dotes.
There were four of us together COM
ing across "the divide" few years
ago, and this principle was then and
there elucidated. Gibbon, Gregg and
myself were congenial acquaintance,
and we would have enjoyed the long
ride if it had not been for man named
Sausage. who had only recently es-
capped from some low-prced education
al institution. He had acquired few
cast-lron facts of the cyclopadia vari-
ETY., and with the odor of the vale
dictory all through his clothes he was
making tour of the coast and Colo
RADIO. He was what you might call
one of those really statistical, brainy
young reservoirs of information, who
burst forth from the alma mater with
the intention of going to Congress in
two years, but finally compromise the
matter forty years later by running for
Overseer of Highways and getting
showed under about 1877 majority.
When Gibbon saw Mr.. Sausage get
on the stage he said to me, in u low
voice: '.Nye, We are undone. Saw
sage will, doubtless, endeavor to relate
some anecdote to us on the way. and
then l shall commit an atrocious
crime
But he didn't do SO the first ten miles.
He contented himself by shedding other
information and explaining things that
he had Just found in his physical
geography and stunning us with the
hard words that always float around
in the aquarium which young men refer
to as their brains
Finally, however, some one reminded
him of story. Gregg tried to turn the
conversation, but it was of no use.
Said he: 1T seems that many years ago
a traveler or tourist of some description,
whose name is immaterial-"
Funny name." said Gregg. Don't
you think so, Gibbon?"
.'Yes. Foreigner, probably. KNEW
man named Jimmy Terrial once,
though"
We discussed the name for four or FIVE
miles, and then allowed Sausage to pro-
ceed.
..Well. as 1 WAS going to say. thi:
tourist, traveller or sOiourner was pro-
pounding inquiries relative TO the eli.
mate. changes and isothernal-"
Now, pardon me-" said Gibbon,
-but are you sure that word is not pro-
nounced isothermal?"
/ ventured to- remark that is-other.
mai was the correct accent, while Gregg
sided with Sausage. From quiet dis.
enssion this grew into regular row
which lasted ut least ten miles, Then
We allowed the narrative to proceed.
well, at least to make long story
short, the traveller and native Of this
country"
Remember bis name?' asked Gregg.
"We've got the other mans name. We
ought to have this one"
No" says Sausage. II didn't give
the tourists name. YOU remember"
Il beg pardon, said Gregg 81 don't
want to seem querulous and all the time
l. ok i,,rp lrat
stranger. but you certainly gave us tie
other gentlemau's name"
We then had a long and highly en-
joyaSle quarrel, during which Gbbon
and l challenged Gregg and Sausage to
fight us IN dark room. esch man to be
blindfoltied and armed with an adze.
Best man to pay all funeral expenses
and scrub out the room next day.
To this Gregg agreed but Sausage
said hewasn t a very expert Alderman,
and wanted to apologize.
Gibbon and hesitated. Finally we
agreed to think it over. but in the mean.
time We begged Sausage to 60 ahead
with his story, as we would reach the
home station in five minutes more.
At last he made out to tell the story
that Adam found under the currant
bushes when he went into the Garden
Of Eden, about the place where the
year was divided in,O mine months
winter and three months late into the
fall"
At the station Sausage went on east
by the train, and we took No. 3 for Salt
Lake City. On the way Gregg, Gibbon
and l each sent a telegram to Mr.. Saw
sage separately, which read as follows,
to wit:
E. Ptolemy Sausage, care Conductor No. 4:
Collect.
And we had. too.-BM Nye. in SoR
Francisco Ingleside.