Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1885-02-17
BEING A WOMAN.
Some of the Trials and Tr1bulations
of the Fair Sex.

Some of the Trials and TribuIations
of the Fair Sex.
[Revised bya Woman for the Lowell Times.
It IS a dreadful bother to be woman and do
the business up in good shape. In the first
place, you've got to look well. or else you're
nobody. A man may be ever so homely and
still be popular. Whiskers cover up most of
his face, and if he has big mouth nobody
nistrusts it, and if he does wrinkle bad
his forehead his friends speak of his many
cares and of his thoughtful disposition, and
tell each other that his wrinkles are lines of
thought. Lines of thought, indeed, when in
all probability his forehead is wrinkled bv
the bad habit he has got of scowling at his
wife when the coffee isn't strong enough.
woman must always be in good order.
Her hair must always be frizzed and banged,
as fashion demands, and she must powder if
she has shining skin and she must man
age to look sweet, no matter how sour she
may feel her dress must hang just so, and
her boot buttons always in place. and her i'm
ger nails always clean ; and then she mustn't
whistle nor climb fences, nor stone cats, nor
scold when she's mad.
She can't go out alone, because ladies must
be protected she can't 60 anywhere when it
rains because her hair won't stay frizzed and
she'll get mud on her petticoats and things ;
she can't be a Freemason, because she would
tell their secret and everybody would know
all about the goat and gridiron; she can't
smoke, because that would be unfeminine !;
she can't go courting, because that would not
be wonanly. But she must get married be-
fore she is twenty-five, or everybody will feel
wronged. People will sigh over her, and
wonder why it is that mon "don't seem to
take"; and all the old maids and widows
smile and keep quiet. Oh, these smiles and
these significant looks They are ten times
more than open ISLANDERS.
It is terrible thing to be an old maid.
Everybody knows it is, and the women who
are marri ID to drunken husbands, and who
manage to quarrel with them six days out of
seven will live in an agony of spirit over the
single woman, and call her that poor old
maid.
a woman must marry rich, or she doesn't
marry 'swell." And to marry ''well' is the
end and aim of a womans existence, judging
from the view which people in general take
of this matter. It is evervbodys business
whom a woman marries. The whole neigh
borhood put their heads together and talk
over the pros and cons, and decide whether
she is good enough for him. (There is moth
ing said about his being good enough n for her. }
And they critcise the shape of her nose, and
| relate anecdotes how lazy her grandfather
| was, and how her Aunt Sally used to sell
beans and buttermilk. A woman must wear
No. boots OH No. feet, and she must man
age to dress we'll on rs cents week, and she
mustn't be vain, and she must be kind to the
poor, and she must go regularly to the sew
| ing society meetings, and be ready to dress
| dolls and make tides and aprons for church
| fairs. She must be a good cook, and she
must be able to 'do up" her husbands shirts
| SO that the Chinese washerman would groan
| with envy and gnash his teeth with the same
unholy passion at sight of them.
| She must always have the masculine hut
| tons of the family sewed on SO they viii
never come off while in use, and she must
keep the family hosiery so that nobody would
ever mistrust there were toes in the stock
ings while they were on. She must hold
herself in constant readiness to find every
| thing her husband has lost-and man new
er knows where to find anything. He will
| put his boots carefully away on the parlor So
| ia, and when he has hunted for them half an
hour he will suddenly appear to his wife with
a countenance like an avenging angel, and de-
mand "What in thunder she has done with
| his boots ?'' She must shut all the doors
after her lord and master, and likewise the
| bureau drawers, for married man ives new
er known to shut drawer. i would be as
unnatural for hen to so in swimming for
recreation.
She must go to bed first in cold weather SC
as to get the bed warm. Her husband, if he