Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1885-07-29
Late for Dinner.
A CONJUGAL DIALOGUE.

seven minutes late.
| Mrs. Macy (not giving him time to offer
an excuse),-"Well, when you rang I
thought certainly it was the DOCTOR"
MIR. Macy (anxiously) y)-"The doctor? Are
you expecting him? What is the mat
teri"
She-sI suppose it has never entered
your mind that a woman, though blessed
with constitution of iron, might suffer
from having her meals at all hours of the
day and night. Neither would you call it
being sick, I suppose, for her to sit and
wait and worry, tormented by all kinds of
conjectures and fears; expecting every mo-
ment to hear that Eer husband has been
crushed to deatn by cable car, or met
with some other frightful accident"
(Macy, who sees the storm coming, wise
| ly remains silently
Shc-'sWill you at least condescend to an
swer the only question that I shall ask
you?''
He-"Assuredly, my DEAR
She-'sWill you be good enough to in
| form me if you intend to come home at this
late hour every night?'
He (deprecatingly)-"Surely, my dear,
you are not going to scold because am
seven minutes late this once. was detain-
ed by business; but do not ask what it was,
| for promised not to tell.''
Shell have no doubt that you will be
| whole week late one of these days, and
will end, perhaps, by being away from your
family for years.
He-'sPshaw, my dear! How absurdp'
-'Absurb, is it? Why, it was no
later than last night that you were telling
me about the sea-captain-La Perouse, l
believe his name was,-who left home one
day, promising to return at the usual time,
and has never been seen since by his un-
happy family"
He-"But that happened ninety years
ago."
She-s'So much the worse
He-"Besides, don't you remember told
you he was shipwrecked?'
She-"Oh, yes; it is easy enough to say
that man was lost at sea, especially when
he is not here to contradict you. But don't
think, when you make up your mind to
leave home forever, that you will be able
to deceive me by some foolish story printed
in the papers, declaring, for instance, that
you have gone up in balloon which has
never come down again; oh, no, shall not
believe that story any more than the one
you tell to-day"
He-"I am sure do not know to what
story you refer, my dear"
She-"Ob, indeed? A man comes home
brimful of mystery, and when his wife
questions him, when she ventures to ask
him question, he responds guardedly that
it is secret. Oh, am not at all curious.
have not the slightest des re to know
your wonderful secret. Far be it from me
to try to find out what perhaps would be the
last thing should want to know"
He-'Now, are you going to imagine all
sorts of foolish things, because happen to
tell you that have been occupied with an
other mans business to-day?"
Shea nice business it must be that a
man dare not tell his wife. You are the
greatest talker in the universe away from
home, but it is simply impossible to get a
word out of you when you are alone with
your wife,
He-"But, tell you, it is not my Sc
cret.''
She-"I suppose not. A very good ex-
cuse, that"
He Grritated)-"Good heayens How ex-
asperating a woman can be-"
Shea man never is-of course not"
He-"Well, for the sake of peace and qui-
etness I'll tell you the whole story
She with the air of a martyr)-'Never
mind-I do not care to hear it-now."
He-"Why, are you not willing to let me
explain?''
OHe- w HitI Is tuo use. lou WOulu OnIy
invent something. You are very good at
that sort of thing"
He-"Will you allow me to speak?'
She-sI cannot prevent it, can l? You
needn't be SO fierce"
(about to confess)-"I-"
She-sBut warn you l shall not believe
one single word you say
He-"Then l may as well remain ST.
lent"
She (triumphantly)- y)-t.There-what did 1
tell you? l knew very well that you would
not have anything to say if driven to the
wall. All. understand you."
p
She-"Oh, certainly-swear; that's just
like a man. 1t will give you more time to
invent plausible story, too;
He Gin a ragel-'Do you intend to let me
get word in edgeways?"
She-''Oh, go on, go on-your humble
servant is all attention"
He-"Well, then, friend of mine who is
on the verge of bankruptcy came to me this
morning and begged me to give him some
assistance, and have been running about
all day to help him out, and even at last Of
fered myself as his security"
Shells that ALP"
He-"Yes, that is all"
She (sighing)-"Well am thankful that
paid the baker yesterday; we shall at least
have bread one more month-and | shall
begin this very night to let the children go
barefoot, for that is what the future has in
store for the poor things, with their father
squandering his fortune upon every scala
wag he meets"
He-"Scalawag, indeed! Be a little care
full what you call man till you know who
he isl
She (scornfully)-'sOh! I can guess fast
enough; it is that fool of a Farnsworth."
He-'In the first place, madam, Farms
worth is not fool, but very intelligent
man; and in the next place, it is not Farms
worth at all.'
She (angrily)-"And for such miserable
creature as Farnsworth do see myself and
children reduced to beggary?'
He (more angrily)- l repeat, that
it was not Farnsworth.
She-'Well, then, it was some other
good-for-nothing fellow, whose name you
dare not tell
"He-"Do not call names, madam; you
will soon regret it if you do.''
She-'1t must have been a sharper or a
| swindler; gambler, perhaps, or even a
thief.''
He (out of all patience)-"Very WE'LL
Since you force me to it, know that it is
your brother whom you are abusing, and
that he has been specializing too deeply,
and is heavily involved
She (repentant)-"Oh, Frank, won't you
forgive me?'
(They fell into each others arms)
He-"And now, my love, since peace is
restored, let us sit down to dinner"
She-'tNot quite YETI
He-"And why not?'
She-"Well, you see sent the cook
away this morning because she was saucy,
and have been wandering around the city
all day, trying to find another-going from
pillar to post, from one employment Office
to another-and only succeeded in getting
one little while ago, so that
He-'So that, l suppose, get no dinner
at all?''
She-'No-so that dinner will be ready
at seven" = From the French, in Argo-
naM.
| If sermon and the story of a murder be-
i published in the same paper ninety-nine