Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-09-11
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


There is IA man in West Virginia who |
has foot thrteen-and-a-hal inches long |
1t is unnecessary to say that his daughters
have very few suitors.
A Des MOines man has delivered the
same Fourth of July Grafton in various
parts of Iowa eighteen times. If the man
isn't book-agent he ought to be one.
An English variety paper says that there
is complaint among young ladies that
skirts hamper their movements in playing
tennis, and that next season they will
probably be dropped. Good gracious
The newspapers of the world have Just
been reckoned up at about $1,000, thus Civ
ing one to every $4,000 inhabitants We
should say the proportion of borrowers to
subscribers was just about that.
1.-THE games upH' remarked the sports
man, as the squirrel LETT terra iilma, and
! darted up tree into his hole
The Boston Ucrdld says that the best
word for the Democrats now is, Mum"
1t used to be, Mug
Poor Mark Twain he has to pay taxes
on 100000 of property
"Where Does Lying Begin ?" queries an
exchange Let's see what day does the
| fishing season open.
Sam Jones aflirms that some women are
fools. Sans acquaintance with the sex
is evidently not very extensive.
According to an eminent professor, it
is impossible to live on the sun But how
about living on the son-in-law
An exchange says that dude has lust
] H., l.. l..
our esteemed contemporary never dssec-
ted crow. The bird has Il whole spoon
| full of brains.
There are 1872 men in this country with
artificial noses, and over 2OOO with artih-
cial ears. And yet Legislators are trying
all the time to make it harder and harder
for IA man to get Il divorce.
Only ten tunes were known in New Eng
land in the first ninety years. AS many
as five or six can be found in the repertory
of the average rural brass band.
An exchange says that Rhode Islands
population is the densest of any State in the
country. Did you ever sound the head of
Il New Hampshire country postmaster:
The portrait of President Garfield on the
engravngs ever made of him. Being Il
newspaper man, we really can't say how
that is
A Springfield, n y, man tried to lift a
barrel ot cider on wager, and broke his
back. The best way to lift cider is glass
ut a time.
Tennyson gets, as laureate, $1,000 a year
and a butt IF Nalrn SOW wilma tI,-
he has fallen into the habit of writing his
occasional" poems under the influence of
, the latter.
General Spinner is just now the happiest
man in America. He is camping out on
the beach, and while his companions &c
OFF inland to dig for worms, he just slips
, out to the fishing ground with a bunch of
his autographs, and hobs for cells.
An Indiana man recently found a tooth
weighing six pounds. 1t is supposed to be
,, long to a lightning rod agent with nam
. moth cheek, who recently passed through
that section.
Usually ends in smoke-a mans dinner
There are said TO be l,SOO.OOO voters il
, this country who cannot read the ballots
I they vote, yet not one of them would z,
past ii sign reading, Beer 3 cents t
} glass
Fourteen skeletons were dug up in Bos
/ ton, the other day. From which it woult
. appear that beans and culchaw occasion
! ally prove fatal.
+ Since our sanctum windows receive,
u their semi-annual baptism of soap-suds
: we must say that the business outlook i.
: brighter.
+ The impolicy of relying upon old issue,
for success is shown by the dreary failure
of paragraphists who Gull chestnuts from
. obsolete almauacs.
\ Connecticut lady recently seasoned /
a charlotte russo with a bottle of cougl
II mixture, by mistake. Her guests hem
), med Il good deal when they tasted it, jus
= the same.
IS When a Dakota crowd lynches man, i
" is common to speak of the occurrence Il
| having him up for murder"
Y Candor in an advertisement Board
n ers taken in for the summer PhiiudCi
- phtd UCrdld
The Chicago Hcruld bemoans the fac
\ that there is not enough ciyility in thi
= country We haven't heard any prett
y women or rich men complain of any scare
h ity-DetrOU Free Press.
/, 1t is said that Il divorce lawyer woul,
d starve in Japan. Then by all means lie
p him be sent there.-SOmcrrile JOUrHul
If PUTTING ON STYLE.
p, \ couple of well-dressed country Jake
e, strolled into il celebrated New York res
II taurant, sat down at Il table and locke,
all around, making "A remarkably success
j. full effort to appear al home.
Sh
W the waiter, handing them the bill of fare
IL They looked at each other, and then IL
'e the bill OF fare, but they could not lin,
rs out what they wanted. The waiter bt
n came tlhe impatient. inst at thi
&c crisis gentleman, probably French
II man, who was eating his dinner, Calle
~ out
be 'Wuitcr, I'M vrrre d 'eau.
"" "Giyc me one of them, too, said one {
the COuutrNmcn.
Nv zone what ;
lis ~ Verde
~, The waiter smiled, disappeared, and +,