Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-01-14
PLEASANTRIES,

MAST, Ino arGlSI, Is going TO lecture
and expects to draw N. o. Picayune.
A MAN is called confirmed liar when
nothing that he says is confirmed
Boston Transcript.
The desire of lawyer is for brief
EXISTENCE Boston Post. With FREE
quent stay OF proceedings.
WHILE her mother was taking fly
out of the butter little Daisy asked:
"Is that butterfly, mammal"
:'WHAT is laughter ?" asks chemis st.
1t is the sound that you hear when your
hat blows off, Boston Gazette.
A LITTLE girl suffering with the
mumps declared she "felt as though
headache had slipped down into her
neck"
THERE is glacier in Alaska moving
along at the rate of quarter of mile
year. In this country we have no
glaciers, but we have messenger boys
Puck.
ATHENE, the goddess of wisdom,
wears bangs. From this it will be seen
that Mrs. Langtry is only following a
fashion started while she was a baby
| st. Paul Herald.
WHEN Jimpkins got married for the
fourth time, and his friends leased him
about it, he said that he could not help
it as he's Benedicted to it for some
years. Siftings.
The Bartholdi statue pedestal COM
mitttee has held another meeting. It
was resolved to strike Gould and Van
derbilt for five cents more next week.
| Philadelphia Call.
'FRoBBIE," said the VISITOR kindly,
shave you any little brothers and Sis
ters?" NO." replied wee Robbie, SOL
emily. "Tm all the children we've
got."- B uffalo Times.
We have received circular from the
Fonoscribing or Brief Spelling Pub
fishing Company in Philadelphia. It
states that 9Th conn spling is the silyst
thing in histry." Yrite, yritel BIT
wotcher gon tdo bout it?-T"Life."
BABY cries and is sent to a side table.
Papa says, when you have beard
you can sit with papa" The house cat
jumps up Familiarity beside him. Baby
(furiously)-"G out You have
beard go eat with papa The Graph
ic.
81 DON'T understand how the railroads
can afford to reduce the fare to l cent
mile" ooh, it's very simple" "They
have to make up the loss in some way"
"They do" "How?" SNAKE the sleep
ing-car porter divide with the company"
: Rochester Post-Express.
"LEND me your ear minute" re-
; marked Mrs. Brown to her husband the
other evening. "Will you give it back
again?" he inquired, with mock anxiety.
"Of course will, you idiot! Do you
suppose I want to start tannery?"
She got the ear Exchange.
LITTLE TIM-Good night mamma,
Mamma-Why, you must not go to bed
yet. You have not had your supper.
Little Tim-Oh, no; I'm not going to
bed. I thought you were. Mamma
Go play, child. This is my new Mother
Hubbard. Philadelphia Call.
THEY are discussing metempsychosis
in drawing-room. ST." says a witty
, young man, remember that way back
} in the days of Moses and Aaron I was
> the golden calf. Since then I have
been changed" "Yes," says lady
thoughtfully, slime has worn off the
|. gliding" > French joke.
. HERBERT's mamma took him to Sun
day school the other day, and the lesson
being on the depravity of the heart, the
teacher drew large heart on the black
board by way of illustration. Mamma"
l said Herbert with nudge, will she
draw spade next?" That boy evidently
3 knew what was trumps.- Harper's Ba-
Ear.
AN Eastern journalist, who secured
, position on a Western daily, only re-
NAMED one day. In writing the obitu
airy of prominent citizen, he neglected
to refer to the "Grim Monarch, Death"
He simply wrote it plain death" with q
lower case d, without putting on any
frills or rufdes, and he was unceremoni-
ously bounced Norristown Herald.
"HAvE you got any more tender
, steaks like that bought the other day ?"
asked man of butcher. ooh, yes;
plenty. You found it to be good meat,
eh?" 'Yes, suits my purpose. I am
very much annoyed by dogs at my
house. I have choked oneto death and
| have my eye on another one. Let me
| have half pound, please" Arkansas
Traveller.
DR.. PILLBURY: $50 you have been
eating too much candy again. You will
never get well as long as you do that"
Emma (who has lately taken up physi-
ology): Oh, guess will The CHASTITY
!! juice will chyme it into chyle when the
agitation of the diagram will naturalize
the inspiration and resolve into sweet
bread or pan-grease, which merely acts
as superifc.- Life.
A SLIM youth, accompanied by pug
dog and chain attachment, met young
lady On Fifth Avenue whom he knew.
He walked by her side until her resi-
dence was gained, when she invited him
in. saw thawnks awfulIy; much
pleased, I'm suah," he said: Outer
the dog, y'know--" "Oh, the dog
won't make the slightest difference.
Dear little fellow! Mamma will be glad
to see you BOTH New York Sun.