Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1885-10-31
VARIETIES,
A great after. dinner sneech-Have a

A great after. dinner speech-Have
cigar ?
The popular definition of cashier
Cash somewhere else.
A cyclone is like waiter. 1t car.
ries everything before it.
Barnum has treated Jumbo Just as
he he's the public--stuffed him.
When the trunk line railroads are
not playing policy they are playing
pool.
"The battle is not always to the
strong" said the Judge, as he awarded
the butter premium at county fair.
Good gracious" said the hen, when
she discovered the porcelain egg in her
nest, 81 shall be bricklayer next"
The Sonth Sea islanders are learning
to swear in English and play poker.
Another advance in the Pacific male
John L. Sullivan is not exactly like
a horse. Any man can make him
drink, but 10 men cannot lead him to
| water
In the game of life the pawnbroker
| plays it a loan, the beer guzzler plays
it ale OWN and many bachelor and
sp'1ster plays it alone.
When a politician bushes he must
| be either suffering from an attack of
apoplexy or else has stuck an unfamil-
lar braud of fire water.
"Sir," exclaimed the orator, "has the
Indian any rights?" He has, said
the chairman, "but he gets left when
he tries to assert Them"
Drops of water falling continuously
upon two inch oak plank would wear
hole through it in about thirty-fye
years. Moral Drink beer.
Sam Jones, the evangelist, has
opened campaign to Save" Chicago.
His great-grandchildren will carry on
the business at the old stand.
No, "Viola," we hardly think it pos
sible that the reason they call them
giddy girls is because they are apt to
make the young mems heads swim.
A funeral is tiresome preachers
opportunity, Turn him on to large
congregation and he will make the
mourners wish the party had never
died.
The fact that when an elephant has
the chills FIVE gallons of rum and whis-
key are prescribed, leads one to spS-
pect that the elephant is native of
Kentucky.
The man who breaks in new set of
store teeth may not have the blood of
martyrs in him, but he has about every
thing else needed to insure success in
that business.
The latest style of hustle is made of
watch.spring steel wire, and may be
used for colander, rat trap, a port
able lightning conductor or baseball
checatrs mask.
A writer has discovered that persons
in captivity live very short time.
This may be rule but we know of
some married men who have attained q
remarkable age.
"TelI me what the lady has sketched2'
said Dodyn to little boy who was car
rying an easel on his shoulder and fol-
lowing lady. 81 think sir, she's
ketched the measles"
Lady caller " | much prefer color
ed servants to white ones, don't you,
Mrs. b. ?" Mrs b: swell, really,
Mrs. r., it depends upon the color, yon
know. can't endure green ones"
First swell "By Jove, Fred, that is
the highest collar I've seen yet" Sec
ond swell "Think so, old man? Well,
don't mind telling you,Gt's little
idea of my own. It's one of the
guvnor's cuffs.
There is a woman in Canton, China,
whose soles are 50 small that she can
stand on a silver dollar. That's moth
| ing We have seen men in this country
whose souls are so small that they can
stand on ten cents.
Young housekeepar Cooking over
the market report =" Bridget, shall
want you to go to market this morn
ing. | see that beef is much cheaper
on the hoof, and presume it's just as
good. Get nice roast off the hoof."
The imaginative Smith "Hark
how jolly that singing sounds on the
river over there. What a difference
water does make to the sound of music
The hippant Jones Yes, but | find
whiskey and water makes more differ
ence still"
| A boy i'll California school remark
ed that the teacher had red hair. He
was whipped to make him retract, but
he insisted that he could not tell lie,
and he had the utmost confidence in
his judgment of color. The woman
declared that she would beat him to
death unless he changed the word from
red to auburn, he abused his conscience
to that extent, but afterwards took the
case to the trustees, who sustained him
and dismissed the bright,headed pun
isher.
For several yea.~ was troubled with
| Catarrh, have tried many remedies Ely's
Cream Balm has proved the article de-
sired. | believe it is the only cure, L,
B. Coburn. Hardware Merchant, Towan-
n