The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1885-12-30
OUR FUNNY PEOPLE.

! 4 lose D: : # Rome.
!. The Il hone exchanges are always sure
"a gotn eaerday trade.
The oil maid likes Hyson tea. but the
! young maid longs for her Do-Hea.
/ It is announced that Nicol;ni will marry
Patti next spring. Isn't this rather hasty?
After Il rough ocean voyage an epicure is
glad enough to exhangc his sea legs for ter
ra-pin.
In the parlance OF slang the cooper is
that chap that ''hoops it up.'-Yonkers
Gazette.
Newport has a man who can bite in two
a tenpenny nail. He'd be the man to tackle
a railroad restaurant pie.
Any spoon can carve rice pudding, but
it is as well to gee that the girl you are
| spooney upon knows how to cook one.
What are the seven ages OF man., Hen
ry?" Luggage, garbage, mortgage, post
| age. shrinkage end dotage." He went right
: p 10 the foos.
p! A certain professor claims that Il person
cannot taste anything in the dark. 1t is
evident that the worthy man never played
post Office"
When King Thebaw was asked if he
| wanted all his wives and mothers-in-law
taken along with him he said he'd had fight
ing enough.
| The cry that wives are in demand comes
| from the far West, and vet the Chicago
pork packing houses turn out tons of spare
| ribs every day.
| A writer says that Browning, the poet,
| still takes long walks. A habit acquired,
undoubtedly, while trying to dispose OF his
earlier manuscripts.
| A man never knows what a vast amount
OF wear and tear his stomach will go
| through until he has got away with a plate
OF antique doughnuts.
Mineral wool' is new material for sup
planting mort. Buddensick tried plan
for supplanting mortar, but it was not II
| brilliant success.
ding were eight lamps. Marriage is too
serious a subject to make light OF in such
wholesale manner.
A Pittsburg rat stands at the window
| and catches flies until he is full and then
goes and drinks gutter water. Why
shouldn't we be kind to rats?
German photographers have succeeded
in taking photographs OF lightning. Ii any
OF them reach this country, will Anthony
Comstock sieze them as flash pictures.
"Ycu want Il servant girl?" Eyes,
colored one." ''Are you particular about
having a colored one?" 'Yes, we've had a
death in the family and we're in mourning.
'Are you riding your bicycle now. John
SOM"
"No."
'Swore OFF,
"No; fell off,
The best criticism OF an "Uncle Toms
Cabin" company extant is reported from q
Western town. The entire troupe was
kicked off the stage by it's donkeys.
4 ho+ +1an nf,rl - ,;ut,t
Bolgertop." "Didn't yQV? | was there,
though, and had tip-top seat" 'In-
deed! In Il private box?' "No. In the
gallery"
II am a martyr" said boarder at a
poorly kept boarding house. 'Why?"
asked the new arrival "Oh, because l sui
fer at the steak was the rejoinder.--
Evansville argus.
An incendiary fire in Hull Massachusetts,
destroyed $50. 900 worth OF property the
other night. \ native remarked that he
was glad the fire didn't destroy the Hull
town.-Hatchet.
The Czar OF all the Russias sleeps with a
dog. 1t is quite likely he can be saved
from sinking into the sea of eternity by his
faithful animal bark.
"Do you thing father is a Mugwump?
asked Clara OF her best young man.
'Well, replied her lover feelingly, "he may
not be Mugwump, but lam pretty certain
that he is a Kicker
correspondent writes: 81 send you IL
little poem called The Lay OF the Lark
Ii accepted let me know" Rejected, with
thanks. Ii you will send a few specimens
OF the lay OF the hen we will accept.
Chicago boy OF IA years recently ran
away from home to become Il pirate king
He was captured by a policeman and re-
turned to his parents. He didn't become
that kind OF a king, but after brief inter-
view with Ills father he was aching.
A scientific magazine has an article on
'The birth OF the Iceburg." All? A new
baby in the Adams family, we reckon. But
how singular thata scientific journal should
take an interest in mere domestic gossip.
Boston Girl-From what you saw OF Pro-
fessor Barnes, then, you think he is an in
tellectual man?
Chicago Girl-Yes, indeed. Why his pam
falcons didn't come within five inches OF
the floor.
A woman in Kansas has not had a new
bonnet for twenty years. Gentle reader,
before you pronounce this a newspaper fab
rication allow us to remark that she is
blind, and has not been out of the house in
that time.
Husband, trying to read-What's that
baby yelling about now? Wife-Poorl little
thing. She sees the moon through the win
dow and is crying for it. Husband-Well,
for heavens sake, let her have it, anything
to stop that noise.
Dudington-l see Sarah Bernhardt has
taken to pork diet in order to increase her
avOirdupois.
Boodle-Do you think it'll be successful
D.-Hardly. You can't fatten up Il stick
by rubbing it with grease.
The Marquis OF Lorne, it is understood,
does not object to eggs as an article of
food, but has an unalterable antipathy
against hen fruit when applied externally
in its over-ri pc state. And who can blame
him? You may laugh at Louise's spouse,
but how would you like it yourself?
Husband-"I hear that Miss Puffball,
the weIknown novelist,is going to get mar
ried." Wife-"Yes; she debated a long
time whether she would devote herself to
literature or to husband, and OF the two
evils she has been silly enough to choose
the latter" Poor fellow"
"It's hard times for us fellers now," said
a tough looking fellow to 4; comrade like
himself. "Well. what's up in Particular"
Baseball players can get but $4,000 a
year after this" "I'li be blowed. That's
skin. But 1t might have been worse. |
We might have been set up for gospelers
and been out OF Il job altogether.
Smith-"They say that Black swears he
won't vote for the regular candidates this
year; that is, ii he votes at all, he shall
throw his vote for Jones'" Brown-"Well, |
what OF that? Black is IA discredited poll !
tician, and merely weak echo of the for i
gotten past" But Black never said any
thing of the kind. saw him this morning, |
and he told me he should vote the straight !
ticket" GAS have often said, there are
few men possessed of the sturdy common |
sense that Black has. I'd give more for !
Blacks opinion than for any mans know |
of.
Lillian Light OF Hayneville, Miss, aged S
years, has displayed a remarkable talent !
for modelling. When only ) years old she |
began to make figures Of clay, and now she
has a large collection OF mud CATS hogs. |
dogs, cows, horses and men. This old
world would be crowded with budding ge-
muses. were it not for the fact that in a !
great majority Of cases when a child is
found playing in the mud its artistic devel-
opment sustains crushing setback by the |
maternal slipper being applied where it
will do the most good.