The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-11-01

l, 1885.
WHIMSICALITIES.
The Rhode Island bankruptcies.
Five babies TO a Rhody home
Came all at once each wonder.eyed
'This State" cried they, lis much too SMALL"
Then prudently the five all died.
Louisville Courier journal.
Poem of Life.
There was a young girl cooked and irond
And she with hard luck was environ'd;
But her soul was made glad
When she put in ad.,
And found out next day she was hren'd.
st. Louis POST Dispatch.
The Editor at Home.
| He thought when he read the editors sheet
That was livid with rage and blazing with ire,
He was a wild demon with clawson his feet,
drnker of gore and an eater of fire!
But he found when he saw him at home with his wife,
He was meek and resigned innocent guy;
A lover of peace and hater of strife,
A drnker of soda and eater of pie
Lynn Union.
The Same Answer Did for Both.
Pittsburg Chronicle
'Hullo Jim; haven't seen you lately. Where
have you beeng"
''Nutting."
"Ah! that's good! What did you fndp
''Nutting."
COnsiderate Charley.
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Little Charey-"Papa, will YOU buy me a
drum2p
Fond Father-"Ah, but, my boy, you will dis
turb me very much. if | do"
Charley-"Oh, no. papa, won't drum, except
when you're asleep"
Very Different Matter.
Boston Courier
''You have plenty of reading here" said Wis
itor to the literary editor. pointing to pile of
books on the editorial desk
These are not for reading" replied the editor;
they are for reviewing"
She Prepared for Rough Weather.
Philadelphia Call.
Fashionable Daughter preparing to 60 QUIT
What are the weather probabilities for to day,
mammal
Mamma docking over the paper)-High east
erly winds, with local rains.
Fashionable Daughter to maid )-Jane, you
may get out my striped silk stockings and kid
shoes.
Deluded Child.
Texas Siftings.
Appearances are very deceiving. A little boy
at the opera, who noticed the gentlemen looking
through their opera glasses at the ballet dancers
was of the opinion that the opera glasses were
for an entirely different purpose. He said:
Mamma, buy me of those things, so
can cover up my eyes with it when those women
come on the STAGE"
Who Wrote 1t.
Pittsburg Chronicle
'Such ignorance!" exclaimed South Side girl
looking up from her paper
What is itl" asked her father.
why, at civil-service examination in Geor-
o. mil tbofS holzc he
author of Gray's Elegy in a Country Church
yard ,"
That don't seem right. Who did write itl"
why, Tennyson, of course"
Making Home Attractive to a Husband.
New York Tidbits
She wanted to break her husband Of the habit
of drink and began to cook his food in liquor,
having heard that it would prove effectual. He
didn't say anything the first day; he showed no
signs of noticing the change the second day. but
after supper on the third day he said to her.
Maria, you don't know how you've improved
In your cooking in the last three days"
He Thought 1t Was the Same.
Pttsburg Chronicle.
Look here" said the managing editor of an
esteemed contemporary to his proof reader; "you
let bad error go through the paper"
Guess not, was the reply of the lynx-eyed.
But say you did"
w nat was luz
'Why, in that divorce case you let marital
relations 60 through martial relations"
20 there's no difference between them"
A Teaspoonful Three Times a Day.
Harper's Bazar.a
Farmer Ito phvsician)-'1f you git out nv
way, doctor, any time, 1 wish you'd stop and
see my wife. Sne says she amt feeln we'll"
Physician-"What are some of her symptomsW
Farmer-'T dunno. This mornin', after she
had MIXED the cows an fed the stock, an got
breakfast for the hands, an washed the Dishes
an built fire under the soap-kettle in the
lane, an done a few chores bout the house, she
complained o. feelin' kinder tired. I shouldn't
be surprised ii her blood was out of order
guess she needs dose of medicine"
His Entire Library.
Pittsburg Chronicle.
He laid 10 claim to beauty though his attire
| indicated the glory of times gone by
Don't We want to buy thisl" he remarked to
the bookdealer, as he held out a worn and greasy
copy of Hoyle
A look of disgust passed over the features of
the bibliophile, as he answered gruffy:
mo, sir; we don't buy anything but entire
libraries"
The shabbily- gentee gentleman wilted for a
moment; then he Strengthened up, and with sly
smile on his unshaved phiz he drawled: oval
this is my entire lbrary"
He left with 43 cents in his clenched fist
Dedicated to an appointment Clerk.
Washington star
One of the clerks in the Interior Department
has been contemplating the efforts of the people
outside to get in the public SERVICE and the
scene has inspired him to write in rhvme He
hnC l.A H. l.