The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-08-15
A DETERMINED POSTMASTER.
A Man Who Owned an Establishment and Who VI as not Willing to
 Give It Up.

Squire Zapgford is displeased with the present administration. The squire, who was postmaster at May Bloom, was recently removed, or rather, was informed that hereafter his public duties will be discharged by some other citizen. Upon receiving information of his dismissal, the Squire addressed the following letter to the president.
 l reckon you think that you've done a mighty sharp trick, CT sendin' down here an tryin' to have me put outen my own house. This here post office belongs to me, want you to understand, built the shanty au' dug the well. Thar never wuz no mail Tn this here community till started this here office. My oldest son fetches the stuff over rum the railroad, about twenty miles rum here, so you see we've got everything in our own hands. I think you have jumped up the wrong rabbit. You can set up thar in a rockin' cheer an chaw your terbacker an spit over the bunisters, but you can't git none uv the best uv me. You got mad at 'Lige Jones an showed him outen his office, but
 Lige allus wuz weak-minded an wilin' to give in. Hamper along with me an you'll think you've trod on a wild cats tail. On, Pm here an my name ain't Dennis nuther. My father could split five hundred rails iL day an my sister married the man that showed the steer offen ferry boat. Garland knows me, an uster kn ow him when he wore man. keen britches an hickory shirt. Ef you had spoke to him about the matter he would have told you not to progic with me. l dor't kere nothin' for the money that's in this office. A dollar an half year ain't no more to me than seveaty-hve cents is to you, but l don't want to be fooled with. No, it ain't the money that kere fur, but do kere fur the standin' that the office gives me in society. am great hand in society. We had shindig at our house the other night an the wimmin rum over the bayou was there, let me tell you. We had rip snor,in' time, but all durin' the skylarkin' was pained by the thought that you had lost confidence in me. It grieves me 10 think that am losin' my grip on the American people, an wife she is so pestered in her mind that she kaint eat nothin sca'cely. don't see why you wanter ruin mans fambly. wouldn't treat you that way. Never mind, mout be president myself one uv these days. A man never knows what's goin' to hapEen in this country. Presi- dents is ungrateful. It ain't been morn two weeks sense named one uv my boys airter you. He is nineteen years old an up to two weeks ago we called him Buck, but thinkin' that you would do the squar' thing we changed his name. Now, sense you have turned out to be agin us we are goin' to call him Buck agin. Shortly airter you tuck your seat man wanted to bet me that you wouldn't be in office morn year till you would make some big mistake. bet him a COW. Airter got your notice tellin' me to git out driv the COW over to the feller's house an told him that he had won her. You not only cut mans pride but you break him up in bus ness. believe you take pleasure in maxim a felier feel bad an 1 don't believe you're much uv Democrat nohow. don't believe the government is safe in the hands uv a man that's so full u' pranks as you air. You put me in mind uv constable we had here onct. He was awful full uv his pranks. One day he cotch horse thief, but while he was prankin' around, the thief got away. First thing you know you'll let the guv- er'ment git away. wush you would consider all this an let me know as soon as possible. Write the letter as soon as you git this an give it to the mail rider early the next mornin'"
 The only reply the squire received was a pre-emptoy order to surrender the of- flee to his successor. Still obdurate, he sent the following to the president
 I see thar ain't no use in foolin' with you. I've had dealin's with heep uv men, but you air the pigheadedest cus- toner ever had anything to do with.