River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-05-21
How Ike Reubenstein Joined
SECRET Society"

stein who Keeps store IN suburb OF
Austin. "Den | be brothers NIT lots of
peoples already, und it viii helup my
Freshness. / reads in dose bapers apout
Mason vat vas going to half his head
cut off bv Turk, ven dot Mason some
signs made, and dot Turk did not dot
Mason's head cut off, but he took him
home und made him shustis off de
beace und married him NIT gouble off
young womans for wives. 1t vas n
nice ding to be Mason, don't it?
will join Won off dose societies.
Ike was recommended to join the Or
der of the Arctic Circle, new society
lately started. He sent in his applica-
ton. A night was appointed for his in
itiation. Ike was much embarrassed
when he was admitted to the ante-room
OF the Lodge to find that besides the
door keeper, who was in his shirtsleeves,
there were six men who were dressed
in blue gowns, tin helmets on their
heads, masks on their faces, and drawn
swords in their hands. The door-keep-
er put a green flannel night-gown on
Ike. blindfolded him with a handker-
chief that smelled of tobacco and made
his eyes smart, and then one of the
knights took Ike by the arm and led
hun into a darkened chamber where he
was marched around eleven times, while
Grand Marshals and the Past Pluperfect
Chaplain read all manner OF wise adj
monitions to him out of book, and the
knights swords clanked as the process
sion moved around. There was an air of
mystery surrounding everything, and a
premonition of something dreadful yet to
come took hold of Ike
He sincerely wished that he had new
er heard of secret society, and he reg
istered solemn VOW in his own mind
that if he got out of this with his life he
would never join another.
His guide made him kneel down on
the floor, and with his right hand on his
throat and his left hand ON human
skull made him swear that he would
never divulge the secrets of the Order.
The bandage was taken from his eyes
and he was conducted out to the ante
room.
A gray Mother Hubbard dress was
put on him and he was escorted back to
the chamber of mysteries. Here, after
some preliminaries, he was led in front
of a small circular saw that was revolv-
ing with extraordinary rapidity. A
walking cane and piece of stove wood
were successfully sawed in pieces that
Ike might see how effectively the saw
did it's work He was then marched
around the chamber, brought up in front
of the saw again and informed in Sc
pulcral voice, by the Grand High Past
Something or-other, that, as test of
his courage, he would be required to
place the index finger of his right hand
in front of the saw and allow it to be
cut off at the second joint.
az viii not any such dings do"
said Ike, his hair standing on end with
terror. "Vat sense is dot for seegret
societies to cut a man up? OFF / had
been acquainted mid dose dings you
seegret society men does, | would not
had holdings to do nit you already. l
want to go away from here und stop
does foolishness.
The Past Grand Guardian of the Post
ern Gate now told ka that he was act
ing in a manner that if he persisted in
would draw down the dire vengeance of
the Knights of the Arctic Circle. He
said that by Ike's lack of confidence he
had already incurred an additional pen
atty, and it would now be necessary ac-
cording to the laws and bylaws of the
Order, that he put two fingers to the
saw to be cut off before he could be adj
mitted to full fellowship, and the p.
Ct. G.. of the z. G., advised HIM as q
friend to proceed at once and saw them
off.
Ike said, II want no such fellowship.
1t would be a tam fool fellowship to cut
off my fingers to please you fellows NIT
tin watering pots on. L tells you wants
to go from this blaze away.
Brethren, it pains me to use harsh
measures, but as this candidate refuses
to obey the orders of the Lodge he must
suffer the penalty. 1 command you to
take him, bind him, and hold his wrist
against the saw until his hand is cut off.
See that adoctor is in attendance. -Four
Knights caught Ike. He struggled and
howled, but it was of no avail. His legs
we're tied, his left arm was secured to
his waist, and he was brought in front of
the saw. He begged for mercy, but no
mercy was shown him. One Knight
suggested that vote be taken to de-
termine if it was not better to saw the
candidates head of. Then they brought
his right hand closer and closer to the
revolving saw, and the closer it came
the louder Ike begged for mercy. There
was no mercy for him. At last his hand
was pushed violently against the teeth
of the saw and the Knights yelled as
the soft paper saw, polished with black
lead-and had been substituted for the
real saw while Ike was being escorted
around the room-was torn to pieces
and Ike fell back breathless and faint
but unscathed. Loud and long was the
laugh of the Knights, and Ike soon
Joined the hilarity He was so happy
to find that it was only "joke off dose
tin helmet fellers."
Then he received lecture on ODE
iience, and was given the signs and
passwords of the Order.
When the Lodge adjourned Ike was
so overjoyei at finding that he had got
through without the loss Of any Of his
limbs that he recklessly invited the
whole Lodge to accompany him to a
saloon and join him in a glass of wine.
Some of the members STAYED with Ike.
who was determined to make'a night of
it, in commemoration of his escape
from bodily mutilation. They took
many drinks, and when about to leave,
Ike was in q very mellow condition.
He discovered that he had no money,
but he ordered a parting drink, and
felt rich enough to buy n distlllery.
Charge does to me-" he said to the
bar keeper.
II don't know you, sir, " said the bar
keeper.
Maybe you recognizes dot, " said Ike,
and he placed his right hand behind his
ear, moved his left leg three times from
north to south, and fell up against the
lunch counter.
The bar keeper said he didn't recog-
nize anything but cash.
90, then, you half not does degrees
all taken yet?"
Ike had got the idea into his chaotic
brain that everybody in town was a
Knight of the Arctic Circle.
Il make you understand this" and
Ike gave the grand hailing sign by hold
ing one hand over his head and putting
the other behind his back.
The bar keeper thought that Ike was
signing to hold up his hands and that
he was, with the other hand, reaching
back to his hip pocket for his pistol. so
he knocked Ike down with bung starter
and set on him until policeman came