The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-05-28

Tho Total Depravity of Insnin,ate OBJ
jects-rhe Faculty of Elusiveness.

total dcpraVlty OF lnanlmalc ooJects IL
found in the generally evil and impish
behavior of locks and keys. We do not,
10 be sure. in this country subject our
selves to such a tyranny OF keys as do
our transatlantic neighbors. The jing-
ling basket or bunch of keys is moi with
us the indispensable accompaniment TO
the housekeeper, nor do we have the
TINY paddock on our silver sugarbowls,
rs Is the case with n certain thrifty Ger
man Baroness with thirty servants I'M
der her control. We do, however, have
KEYS for certain purposes; that j. 10
say. we have them unless they are lost.
KEYS are usually lost. There is about
the very shape and material OF keys
peculiar elusiveness and a slippery fac
ulty OF hiding in unheard-of places.
The folds of gowns, the Innings OF muiis,
bags and pockets, the edges of rugs and
carpets. cracks in the floor and chinks
of any and every sort, are the well-be-
loved hiding places OF the slippery
gnome called key. That devouring
space in the back of Il lounge or up
holstered chair is particularly dear to
the heart of key rs place of conceal
ment. and many are keys, big and lit
lie. which have found their Nirvana in
these useful depths. For the true and
holy delight OF a key is undoubtedly to
be able to lose itself totally and hope
leSSly. and vet all the while to lie perdu
so near the outer world that it can list
an with fendish Joy to the agonized
search for itself. ana shake its shout
ders with glee ut the vanity OF the
quest.
It was the wife of the keeper OF an
orthodox boarding house in the West
who was kneeling N morning family
PRAYERS with her head dcvoutly bent
upon a lounge, and at the instant that
her worthy husband's ''amen" was pro-
nomced sprang 10 her feet, eXclaiming
viyaciously:
There. Mr.. Brown. there is the key
of the cellar door. ! kRctc l lost it
somewhere about this lounge. :
Fancy the genuine disappointment
of that KEY. which had been lying
chuckling while the family sought a>ii
vain nj being thus ANONYMOUSLY
brought to light. and that. to-, by the
hand of the housewife. WIZ should have
been thinking of ether things than
searching the crack of lounge.
KEYS. however, although usually. are
t.always lost. Sometimes one really
does keep key and then MYRIAD indeed
are the bewildering combinations of
yexatiOn which can be produced by Q
lock and key which are really giving
their minds to it,
A favorite trick is for ones ordinary.
everyday lock, the lock of desk or
drawer in constant use, TO suddenly be-
come intractable. One can put in the
key. but the lock refuses 10 turn; then
the key refuses to come out of the key
hole; one twists and turns and wrenches;
one triCH a drop of oil. IA soupcon OF pro-
family. az TO no purpose: suddenly with
an alarming snap the key consents to
turn i'm the lock; nay. more. ii will keel
on turning indefinitely round and round
without the slightest effect as far a. TN
locking j concerned. One turns il
furOusly. one pushes il in slowly. onc
tries to draw it out with sudden jerk
one breaks ones nails picking at IT, Al
last the kew comes out with sudden.
ness which sends one violently back
Ntiu-s lHtn illc II
do come and see if YOU can do any
thing with this abominable lock. i
must surely be broken
The doubling member of the family
smiles incredulously and takes the KEY
1t fits into the key-holc and the lock
gives way without murmur.
- thought there was nothing the mat
ter with the key," says the doubling
member. throwing an unpleasing empha
sis on - key 1t Is quite useless to in,
sist that it did refuse to turn: nobody be
Iicvcs it. and the key quivcrs with de
light and the lock thrills with n 10,
known only TO the successful practica
joker.
Again, who does not know the awfu
vagarieS of which trunk lock is capa
blep The refusal 10 catch when the
trunk j. packed; the refusal TO turn
when one stands by impatiently waiting
the inspection of the Government
official.
Once more. who ever locked Will
especial caution a door or box agains
some intruder that he was not himself
the first person to wish an entrance
and invariably was without the key?
Latch-keys and locks, too, are sub
ject to the most bcwildering changes
The keyhole of latch-key has beer
known late at night to slip and down
the door with rapidity calculated C
bcwilder the brain of the most steady
and Sober-minded citizen striving {,
gain admittance TO his home.
All these various examples, however
of the iniquity which Is capable o.
dwelling in locks and keys only prov,
wkat may have been before stated, thai
All impish and tricksy soul dwells il
each lock and key, and these two ar,
never so truly happy as when. sepa
ratciy or in evil combination. they ar,
able successfully to vex frail human
being 50 that every part about hin
quivcrs. boston Courier.
Banking intelligence.