The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-11-19

GU HlulSell.
1t is becoming serious question which the
Hamilton County Infirmary consumes the most
of, bread or whisky.
/. "Eyes right" shouted the young military
only laughed at him.
The crow of the Democratic roosters of Ohio
sounds a long ways off. They had to go away
from home to crow.
The Democrats are trying to joke John Sher-
man on his work in the South. 1t wasn't quite
as effective his brother Bill's.
One ofthe Apostles of the Mormon Church, at
Salt Lake, has been communicated for adul-
terry. What dye think o. that?
1t has been claimed that "love is blind" yet
two lovers can see better in the dark than
whole brigade of Tom-cats.
The world is great puzzle-and many a man
awakes late in life to the fact that he has been
pulling on the wrong string.
James Dunaway tried to hang himself in the
GAINESVILLE jail, but the Sheriff found him be-
fore he was Dunaway with.
"Police circles have been very quiet this
week." says a Portsmouth paper. Glad to hear
they are slumbering peacefully.
A western paper says: "The best men for
officers don't win every time" That's just
what the defeated candidate always thinks.
A machine has been patented with which a
dealer can distinguish good eggs from bad.
What in the world would dealer want with
such a thing.
They are boring in the Portsmouth Gas Well
again. The smell is encouraging, and they
want to find out what's down at the bottom.
The engagement of Oscar Eagle and Edith
Bird is announced at Gallipolis. They are both
birds now, after while they will both be Eagles.
A little too thin ! Secretary Bayard is trying
to create the impression that he is deaf. Can't
shut 'em off that way, Mr.. Secretary.
80
''I make no mistakes said q travelling lecturer,
conceitedly. "No," replied old lady, 'the
Scripter says that a wayfarin' man, though a
fool, may not err.9'
The colored children have been turned into
the Portsmouth Schools. So far there are no
sudden deaths from lacerated feelings, among
the white children.
Mrs. Taylor's body was removed from the
Louisville cemetery, last week, and was COM
pletely petrified. Mrs. Taylor was solid wo-
man.
A Mrs. Stadleman, of Chicago, put out Joseph
Schneider's eyes with vitriol. But Joe couldn't
see anything wrong in it, and didn't prosecute.
-
The startling news comes from Pittsburgh
that the "Miner's strike is nearing its end"
Then it had better get its end out of the way.
The students at Ann Arbor, Michigan,
sisted arrests for d1sorderly conduct, and mob
bed the magistrates Office The citizens OF
Borneo do better than that.
Little Jim-who saw the bald-headed man
start to escort his big sister the theater, cleo
trified the crowd with "La, Sis, Mr.. Smythe is
bare-headed when he's got his hat on ~
H. H. Warner, of New York, is to pay Henry
Mosler, the artist seventy five thousand dollars
for two Indian scenes and a farm scene, when
he can get chromos for three dollars piece.
80
The war has already begun upon Leonard as
a Presidential candidate in 1888. Friends, there
must be no monkeying, that year. We must
not go into the free advertising business.
Colonel Corkhill has reappearad before an
anxious public. He says Guiteau's brain was
examined, proving that he was not insane, and
that his bones are in museum This is start
ling.
1t is quite pathetic to note the Democratic joy
over the election of Fitz Hugh Lee. The politi-
cal triumph of no one, short of jeff Davis could
so fire the Northern Democratic heart.
The editor of the Herald says his hogs have
become fatter since hearing the good Demo-
cratic news. This is not the first instance of
Democratic hog fattening wind.
The manner in which Milt. Bowers, of San
Francisco protected his good wife from want, is
truly touching. HeI-got the poor, dear crea-
ture's life insured for fourteen thousand dollars
then poisoned her.
Follett's application to the Supreme Court |
for a man. dam-us against Clerk Dalton, indi- |
Gates that he doesn't know that Dalton has had |
enough of that heaped upon him already.
A Jackson man once preached until every
body left, the sexton leaving the key, with |
that he would clock the door when he
got through" That sermon convinced every |
man who heard it.
State Auditor Kiesewetter tried to shoot
Elliott, of the Sunday Capital, at Columbus
"Kiesey" should go down and practice shooting |
at the Union Depot He might hit that. He |
can't hit man.
kins, hows yer wite?''
Judkins-"Oh, she's better now than she ever
was"
Smathers-"Why, 1 heard she was awful SICK" |
Sudkins-"Oh, she is, but she's got so far |
along now that she can't talk. love her better |
every day."
1t is a fact-and somewhat deplorable one
that Doctor may pull teeth free, and have I
abundant success, but when he attempts to pull
the crowd for the sale of medicines, the gener-
osity of the crowd flies like hope from de- |
feated candidate. !
A patent nt-outside publisher says "Your paper
never gets behind in rush of job-work, when |
you have a stock of plates in the Office" 1t
would be the sames advantage to keep the old |
outside, from the week before, standing over
A young lady should not have an ambition to |
appear ''wild.'' The men don't respect you for
it. There are thousands of wild asses roaming |
the deserts of South America, but men don't |
love them.
Mr.. Nordenfeldt has invented a boat for naval |
warfare, which can be sunk and guided and
propelled under water. This is cheering pros |
pect. That war-ships go to the bottom of
the sea and fight it out there will greatly lessen
the danger on the surface,
Moody McElfresh, of Clermont county, shot |
at a quail. He didn't hit it, but he scared it
badly and at the same time shot the owner of
of the farm in the head, and another man in
the breast. Nobody killed except a COW, which
the hunter got in his work upon, earlier in the
p1,fx II ,Ixv1x n
"Will that medicine cure any affection of the
head?" asked the citizen of the street vender.
"Certainly it will-what kind of a case have
you?"
"Oh, it haiut me, but he's got somethin' like
dstemper."
Bring him right along-if 1 don't cure him