The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1885-08-02
Railway Etiquette.


Many people have travelled all their live
and yet do not know how TO behave them
selves OH the road. For the bsnefit ant
guidance of snch these few crisp, plain horse
sense rules of etiquette have been framed
In travelling by rail, on foot, turn to III,
| right OH discovering an approaching rain
If you wish the train TO turn out give two
loud toots and get in between the rails sc
that you will not muss up the right of way
Many nice, new hight of way has beer
ruined by getting pedestrian tourist spat.
tered all over its FIRST mortgage.
On retiring at night on board the train dc
not leave your teeth in the ice water tank
IL every one should do so it wonld occasion
great confusion in case of wreck. II would
also cause much annoyance and delay during
the resurrection. Experienced tourists tie q
string TO their teeth and retain them during
the night.
If you have been reared in extreme pov.
erty and your mother supported you until
you grew up and married, so that your wife
cnnld support You, you will probably sit in
four seats at the same time, with your fee,
extended into the aisles, so that you car
wipe them off on other people while you
snore with your mouth open clear to yoni
shoulder. blades.
breathe with a low, death rattle, like the
exhaust of a bath-tub, it would be good
plan TO tie up your head in feather bed
and then insert the whole thing in the linen
closet, or if you cannot secure that you
might stick it out of the window and get il
knocked of against tunnel. The stock
holders of the road might get mad about 1t,
but you could do it in snch a way that they
wouldn't know whose head it was.
Ladies and gentlemen should guard
against travelling by rail while in beastly
state of intoXication.
In the dining car, while eating, do not
comb your mustache with your fork. By
all means do not comb your mustache with
the fork of another. 1t is better to refrain
altogether from combing the mustache with a
fork while travelling, for the motion of the
train might jab the fork into your eye and
irritate it.
II your dessert is very hot and you do no t
discover 1t until You have burned the
rafters ont Of the roof of your month do not
utter wild yell of agony and spill your
coffee all over total stranger, but control
Yourself, hoping to know more next time.
In the morning is good time to find ont
how many people have succeeded in getting
on the passenger train who onght to be in
the stock car.
Generally you will find one male and one
female. The male goes into the wash-room
battles his worthless carcass from daylight
until breakfast time, walking ON the feet of
any man who tries to wash his face during
that time. He wipes himself on nine diff
fsrsnt towels, because when he gets home az
knows he will have TO wipe his face gu an
old door mat. People who have been reared
on hay all their liyes generally want to Hll
themselves full Of pie and colic when they
travel.
The female Of this same mammal goes into
the ladies' department and remains there
till starvation drives her out. Then the
real ladies have abont thirteen seconds apiece
in which TO dress.
II you never rode in vanished car be
fore, and never expect to again, you will
probably roam up and down the car, mean.
dering over the feet of the porter while Ire is
making up the bsrths. This is good way
to let people see Just how little sense YOU
had left after your brain began to soften.
In travelling do not take along Il lot of old
clothes that You know you will never wear.
Never walk through a car staring every
body in the face, like Jim Grow detective
hunting for the James hays, bnt mind your
own business, he quiet, polite, and patient,
and see that your ticket takes you over the
great Rock Island route. Then you will feel
as though you were among friends all the
time, and yon will leave the train with a
papg of genuine regret.