The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-05-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

IIiSHtcuiliS ihC w Oiiu.
The Indianapolis Times suggests
starting a Bartholdi skating-rink as a
sure way to raise a million-dollar Pc
destal for Liberty inside of six months.
The secret of Tennyson's wonderful
lode to Freedom has at last been re-
vealed. Mary Anderson presented him
with a bottle of Kentucky whisky
Philadelphia Press.
1t is said the highest insult that can
be offered to a Russian maiden is to
spread tar on her front gate. Perhaps
it holds her beau until the old man
comes out and kicks him. -NelO Orleans
Picayane.
The White House has been without a
mistress in her own right about one
fourth of its existence. So it will be
seen that one-fourth of the time the
country has been governed by men,
Philadelphia Call.
''She wore white roses on her breast
the night we said good-by," observes a
poet. 1t is not mentioned that her
father wore his boots as usual, though
some will consider that quite import
ant.-BufaLo Express.
"How can 1 always win money at
poker?' writes an anxious subscriber
to Wester editor. How do l know?"
replied the journalist. If l could do
that, do you suppose I'd be fool enough
to edit newspaper?"-Puck.
The Mormon President, Taylor, in
his general epistle" says: ''If we are
bro ,Jz
possibly, but Abraham is not at present
within the jurisdiction of the United
ates.-Springfeld Republican.
We're honeymoons, like college "com-
mencements, held at the end OF the
term it kind of rather sort of appears
to US that the County Clerks wouldn't
sell enough marriage licenses to keep
them in clay pipes and scrap tobacco.
kentucky state Journal.
There is religious sect in Ohio
which believes that when human beings
die they turn into cats. Doesn't it
make man SILVER, though, to think
that perhaps he has been singing boot
jacks all winter at his wife's grand
Observation-Disclosures Free Press.
There is nothing that so takes the
starch out of young man who has
been welded about a year as to have
to 60 to store where there is girl
clerk with whom he used to keep COM
pany and inquire for packet of those
large safety-pens.- Cotton Factory
Times
Il wouldn't be so mean as to heap
Goals of fire on my enemy's head, Dom
inie," said Farmer Furrow to his pas
tor. "And, pray, what would you do.
them" ''Oh, I'd just throw ashes over
the fence on to his asparagus bed. That
would make him mad enough.-M y.
Journal.
Nurse said a penitent Western
miner as he lay in hospital after an
accident, 'Tu never draw a revolver
on man again as long as l live" The
nurse expressed her pleasure in this
moral resolution, when the patient
went on to say: Guess I'll 60 for the
galoot with two-scatter shotgun"
An Illinois doctor thinks he has found
a sure cure for rheumatism in geran-
ium leaves. Perhaps he argues on the
principle that like cures like; for spoon
ing over geraniums in the garden after
dark during the summer is favorite
way of catching the disease with many
susceptible young persons.-L0a0eU Cit
izen.
The love of draw-poker passeth all
understanding. If a player is a con-
slant winner he is a gambler, and
should quit. If he is steady loser he
is fool, and should play no more. If
it is see-saw arrangement, the play
ers eat up and drink up the profits, and
should be in better business. -Aea0 Or
leans Pscayune.
The divorce market in indianapolis
is thus tersel Y summarized by a local
journal: Brisk competition among our
local lawyers has brought down the
prices of divorces. We quote: Com
mon separation, SIS; small alimony,
S25; large alimony, $50 to 500, ac-
cording to circumstances. Business
good and increasing"
Encouraging: The rector-.sGood
morning, Mr.. Smithers, and what do
they say of our entertainment last
night. penny reading and part songs
by the church choir.) And my Shak-
spearian recitation, did they like it?'
Farmer Smithers (church warden)-
oh, yes, sir-seemin'ly. l haven t
heard no complaints, sir!'-Punch.
Now, them said the school-teach-
er, who was an ardent advocate of
temperance, "what is it that causes
men to fight?'' While waiting for some
one TO shout RUM little boy held
up his hand and cried dogs -
Dogs" exclaimed the teacher in as
constituent. "Yesem. When a man
says his dog is better'n another mans
dog there's sure to be fight. Dos
ton Courier.
A maiden lady in one of our James
River counties has discovered the pure
ly unselfish man." He has. she says,
a large family to support, and yet he
came over the other day and kindly
plowed up her garden and set out fruit
and shade trees for her. That was very
good, but he does not meet the case.
He knows that he may be widower
some of these days.-Richmo,ad VA }
Religious Herald.
He was a tame curate in the wild
bldCh country Oh AuslTdIla anu he was
waiting in church to marry couple of
aborigines. Enter one of them, the
man. in hurry and his working
clothes, with his hands and face cover
ed with antique dirt. "Aw've kun to
be we'd "You?" responded the cur
ate, aghast. lin that garb? 1t is the
improper. Why, you are downright
dirty" '.Me dirty? Wait till you see
her. "-LOndOn Truth.
An ingenious contriyance which will
etfectually protect the soldiers in the
Soudan from the rays of the burning
sun is being made at the japanese
village in London by order of the gov
ernment 1t is in the form of an UNI
brella, made of light bamboo and
paper. and will be fastened to the
shoulders. The weight will scarcely
be felt, and the wearcr will thus enjoy
all the comforts of a large umbrella
without experiencing tho inconven-
fence of holding it UP, and his hands
will be left entirely Tree to carry his
rifle or other articles.