Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-02-09

One girl in the kitchen is worth two at
the front gate.
Before the wedding-Wooed and won.
Five years after-Wooden one.
There is romance in figures A
young man met girl, 1er, married her,
and took her on a wedding Ger.
Sitting Bull is said to be very fond of
canned peaches. He eats a quart at
time, and pays the doctor by the job
The hardest thing in the world for
consumptive person to do is to make a
choice between cod-liver oil and death.
eyes, Adolphns, there is terrible gap
between u.s." said Susannah when her
parlor young man gave yawn at 1.3O
a. m.
Mary Anderson now contemplates
Isn't Mary getting to be something of a
crank?
he can get to sleep. Ifhe reads his
paper thoroughly there ought to be no
trouble about it.
Cats are not generally considered to be
accomplished vocalists, but they certain
ly put good deal of feline into what
ever they sing.
The monument at Yorktown has been
| completed. 1t will serve as an elegant
clothes-pole for the darkey settlers of the
| Virginia desert.
Some apple trees in Kansas are said to
have borne three different crops during
the last season. The trees are not re-
| sponsible for the lie.
A Connecticut man has spent five years
| of married life trying to invent flying
machine. His wife weighs 210 pounds
and is fond of onions.
sWhat is a widow?" asked a teacher
at No. school. Up went pudgey lit
tie hand and a voice called out II know
a woman that has got no man.
The average price of dog in Maine is
fixed, by legal decision, at $40. We
know some poor folks that would be rich
if they would only move into Maine.
| Gen. Sherman says he is down on
newspaper men because they lie so like
blazes. We thought it was when they
began to tell the truth that he WINGED
| 1t does not necessarily follow that be-
cause man is bull on the stock ex-
change, his son must be calf. The COM
bination has, however, been frequently
| noticed.
| A physician declares that fat people
reduce their weight by sleeping with
their heads to the west. Always remem-
ber this when you engage yonr berth in
sleeper.
| There are but three courses in life open
to healthy young man with plenty of
money and a constitutional aversion to
labor, and these courses are soup, en-
trees and dessert.
The following occurred in a Lowell
Sabbath school on Sunday: Teacher
"On what were given the commandments
to Moses?" Little boy-s'On two marble
top tables"
1t may never have occurred to those
fine cut saints who have left Beechers
church that perhaps their religion was
not heavy enough to make them round
shouldered.
81 have found my queen!" sings a
poet. If he is married, you can just bet
your boots he has. And she will begin
to exersise her authority with vengeance
pretty soon, too.
'What is the end of fame?" asks a
youthful poet. Fame has no end, my
son-but it has beginning, and that is
situated so low down that there is no
danger of your ever finding it.
At a dinner given by the Washington
Cd. Co. Christmas club to GOO poor chill
dren, Miss Nellie Arthur was one OF
those present. We see now why they
want to increase the Presidents salary
to 100000.
As the dew yapishes before the rising sAn 50
does Indigestion, constipation, hialsness, heart
burn, and kindred complaints disappear before the
renovating potency of Hatch's Mandrake Pills.