St. Landry democrat., 1885-08-29
CHRONIC LAssITuDE.

Some Startling Examples of an Inf1rmity
Common to Mankind, and Not Unknown
Among Women.
The headline to which this article is
attached is the scientific name for con-
fir1ned laziness. When man gets up
from his bed in the morning, barely in
time to comb his hair before supper, he
has symptoms of it. If something is
not done for him he will probably
starve to death some time with good
dinner within ear-shot. There are
only two things a man suffering from
this dread malady would not have
somebody else do for him in preference
to doing them himself. They are eat
ing and sleeping.
[ once knew man who was afflicted
with more lassitude than it would take
to stop saw-mill. On one occasion
he was in hotel that burned down.
He slept on the first floor, because he
was too lazy to go upstairs, and when
the alarm was sounded he got in the
elevator and went up to the top of the
house and dropped cut Of window
because he was too lazy to walk out OF
his room, below, through hallway
ninety feet long. He was hurt pretty
badly, but he was too lazy to suffer,
and died because the doctors told him
it would require great effort to induce
him to recover.
A lazy man is the father of inven-
ton. It has been known for long
time that Nine. Necessity is the mother
of invention but its paternal ances-
try was involved in doubt until a man
was found trying to get up machine
to do his breathing for him.
once knew woman who was too
lazy to look at anything, but her eyes
were constantly wearied with things
going on around her, and now she
wears leather spectacles to rest them.
] knew another man who sat up four
months because he was too lazy to
lie down, and his wife was no better,
for she stuffed her ear. with plaster OF
paris to keep from hearing her baby
cry, which In its turn, having once be-
gun weeping, was too weary to stop.
A friend of mine once told me a
story of man who was so afflicted
with this fearful malady that it took
nearly nineteen years to die. He lay
weary on his deathbed, but could
not muster up sufficient energy to
draw his last breath, and my friend
says he believes the old fellow would be
lying there trying yainly to shuttle of
this mortal coil until this day if a
cyclone had not blown the house down
on him and killed him.
have had attacks of lassitude, my
self have seen the time when was
too weary to hear an invitation to as
sist my father in saving wood, al
though he was less than six feet away
from me when the courtesy was ex.
tended. / have lain in bed when the
buekwheat cakes were sputtering ON
the griddle and the pork steak playing
q merry accompaniment on the skillet,
and listened unmoved to the assur-
ances of my mother that it was time TO
arise, but have never been Ill unto
death with it. / have never wished
somebody else would kiss my best girl
or eat my maple sugar and waf1es. Ii
is proper to draw line somewhere,
and / drew it at ripe led lips and
Waff1es and molasses. When these
remedies are applied, / at once break
into perfect ferment of activity, and
there is no other man on earth who
has SO gentle situation that would
be willing to swap jobs with him.
There may be men in the world who
are old and shriveled bachelors as o re-
suit of chronic lassitude, but when it
comes to marrying pretty young lady
or hugging the hired girl behind the
kitchen door, there is not lazy bone
in my body, and challenge the world
TO show more active and energetic
work than can do under like circum-
stances, every contestant to furnish his
own girl and sample copy of the
Marquis of Queensbury Rules not
necessarily for publication, but as
guaranty Of good faith. Bloomington
Through Nail.
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