The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1885-03-19
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS,

The lost ccrd-The missing wood pile.
Puck
Of course man of mettle has an iron
will and a silvcry voice.
Some men are so stingy they keep
everything except their word. .-Lts:ara.
When you lose your breath doa'5
chase it; you'll catch it sooner by stand
ing stiIl.-Bostos Glo,e.
'Nice man, Jones'" cab, We ~
haps So" ''lcs, nice man; great ,,cnc-
tration" 'Indccdl" "Yes, he's i'll the
artcsian we'll business - Boston Post.
''Man wa t but little here belown'
he statement cause, mirth
It might have been in earlier times,
But NV he wants the earth
Nerchdnt-7ra reier.
"lVhcn are you going to take those
skates o!f?" asked lady who was tired
waiting for hr daughter. 81 don't
know, mamma, about next fall, l reckon.
-M,rchaat- 1rase'er.
All! you tlat.er me, lisped a dude to
a pretty girl with whom he was convers-
ing "No, don't, was the reply. "You
couldn't lie any fatter than you are."-
Burlington FIRE. Press
New York School Teacher (which
is the highest mountain in the Statc2"
Boy-''Sing Sing" Tcachcr-"Why2"
Boy-"'Father went up there a year ago
and hasn't come down yet. ."-Rosto~
Bsac0n.
A woman writes to the Sacramento
r. ord Union to know how she can stain
the floor of her dining room. A cat and
in uncorkcd ink bottle left on the win
dow seat are usually effective IN this
climate. =. .SomeroWe Journal.
We saw diary yesterday that had
i been kept for eighty years. In order,
however, that no mistake may occur we
would add that it has been packed away
for seventy nine years, eleven months
and thirty days. s.-Boston Post.
You can buy live polar bear for
900. G leap enough. We'd rather
buy one for So, 900 any time than catch
one for fifteen cents. That's what keeps
us SO awGuly poor all the time-our
mcasureless extravagance.-Burdette.
An engravers mistake lately caused
the brides parents to say on the cards.
Mr.. and Mrs. respectfully request
vour presents at the marriage of their
daughter" etc 1t was not SO very
much oat of the way, after all.-Ds'rieh.
Uncle John" Well. Jimmy, have you
en- joyed yourself to-days" Jimmy-No,
haven't. Eve had a miserable day."
Uncle ,Tohn-' Miserable day? How's
that" .Jimmy-''Au Betsey told me
to eat all the dinner | wanted; and
couldn't. -Bostoa Transcript.
xuol
with your school in Ill.nois!" ''No;
hal TO give it up at the end of the first
month" "Did you use the blackboard
muchl" "No; it was too large. But l
used all the other furniture in the room
that wasn't nailed down." Graphic.
There is probably no better illustration
in this world of the terrible weight of
grave responsibility than five-inch dog
Standing on box with his forepaws on
the -tailboard of four horse express
wagon, alertly guarding its passage
through the streets of a crowded CITY,
.Somerciilo Journal.
Scene on horse car-Passenger-
ssConductor, what are we being delayed
for?' Conductor-"M "Misplaced switch,
sir" Little 10y in the rear-"Well.
that is what told mother this morning
when she gave me such whaling"
Passengers in chorus all smiling and sat
;sficd. .-Bpst0R Irareler.
A CHANGE OF CLIMATE.
Twas on winters night, | dreamed that i'll
a sunny Cline
pluckad the luscious orange, and the tart,
refreshing lime;
But the fancied pleasure faded, aye, it faded
fast away,
When my brothers big cold foot meandered
up my vertebre.
Judge.
Caller-e'What good little boy you
are becomingr' Little Dick-Yessum." "
Callcr--'You were not so good when
| was here before, but you had not be-
gun to go to Sunday school then, l re-
member. Are you good all the time
now!" ''Yessum; l has to be. Mas
corns hurts her and she wears slippers
now. ."-CaU.
"Boots Mcnded While You Watt"
Credulous Party (handing in his boots)
-"Look sharp, now, and Eli wait"
Shoemaker-''We'r so full OF work you
can't have 'em under a couple OF days"
Credulous Farty-''A couple of days!
Why, you rascally old humbug! You
have got it stuck up in your window that
YOU mends 'em while you wait" Shoe.
maker-''Jist so, and ii you'll wait
couple of days you'll have 'em. Fun.
TRAGEDY OF THE RINK.
Roller Skates,
Pretty girl;