Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-03-26

considerable TIMBER" responded the
stranger again, 'but too many cracks in 1t
for weather boarding, and not quite enough
for paling fence"
The husband remained silent during the
concluding portions of the entertainments
Cincinnati Merchant IFareler.
DIDN'T LIKE TO HAVE HER WAY.-"I
tell you shall do as I please" shouted
Mrs. Milf.
"Well, we'll, my dear, I didn't say you
couldn't" replied Mr.. Milf.
'And you can't stop me!n'
"I didn't say could, my dear"
"You'd better not try!!w
"Indeed, indeed, my dear, WON'T"
s'That's Just all such brute cares about
his wife -! ~ and Mrs. Milf prepared to cry
her eyes out.
HER IDEA OF ART.-Ata picture mer-
chants. A lady accompanied by her second
maid wishes to buys picture for her dining
room. 1t represents four or five peaches and
amelon cut in several pieces.
''How much ?' asks madame.
''Five hundred francs"
Then the maid adds in low voice: "Oh
do not buy it, madame. saw another sold
at $50 francs.
"Yes, but was it worth this one?"
"Yes, indeed There were twelve peach.
es, at least, and the melon was not cut"
FOUND 1T TSLIPPERY.-Johnny Jarphley
had been told by his mother to stop making
ice-slides on the path to the we'll, as no one
could safely carry water. His father heard
him sliding the other morning, and then
there followed Call to Order from the
Chair. When he came down to breakfast
he asked:
".Well, Johnny, how'd you find things
this morning."
"Slippery," replied Johnnie, as he rubbed
his MISUNDERSTANDING Chronicle.
BAD NEws.-Lawyer: 81 have very bad
news for you, and hope you are prepared
for it. The verdict is murder in the first
degree" ...
Prisoner: "First degree?"
"Yes; I did my best, but it was no use:
Nothing would save you. concluded to tell
you the worst at once, and save you from
further suspense"
"Ah the suspense is yet to come. e."-Phi1-
alelphia CdU.
A MIsCoUNT-"Mamrna cries little
Edith, "dive me annudder date, p'ease."
"Well," says mamma, ''you 60 and ask
Bridget for one-only one, remember-and
you may get two for Mamie' IAN older sis,
ter).
Presently Edith comes back. Mamma y
she says, 81 think Bridget made a mis-.
take and dave me two dates for myself and
oily one for Mamie"
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE Charley
has an awful long ARM" said Bertha, in 8
musing mood, at the breakfast table. "How
do you know" asked her father, in man
like simplicity. "Why," replied Bertha
'my waist belt is a" And then she caught
a glimpse of her mammals Mortified face
glaring over the coffee urn, and she thought
she would die, sure enough. But she didn't
She only said Charley told her so.
THE ExPREssAGE.-"I would be obliged
to you," said close-fsted old fellow to an
editor, ''if you would express my thanks
through your excellent paper, to the many
citizens whose timely aid last night saved
my house from being destroyed by fire.
"Certainly" replied the editor, II will
express your thanks, but it will be necessa
ry for you to advance about dollar and 8
half to prepay the expressage."
Bar A Massachusetts gentleman recently
took tea with lady in Philadelphia, ant
after awhile she, observing that he had nc
teaspoon, exclaimed: "Why, Mr.. -, i
isn't possible / forgot to give you spoon.
could not have made such mistake" The
gentleman from Massachusetts arose, and
with the air of veteran, offered his pock
cts for Investigation" The lady said she
didn't mean that, and the affair was dropped
A~ II tell you, sir, no woman can he full
ly trusted ~ exclaimed cynical man to 6
friend. Why, just look at poor Sniffson
consider her an angel: Didn't he fairly
worship her? Didn't he think nothing
was too good for her? And how has she
requited him ?' "HoW? 2" asked the other
"Gone and had twins-these hard times"
OUT OF HIS LINE.-"Your Honor, an
summoned to serve on the grand jury, bu
wish you would excuse me-" "What i:
your business, sir?" II am a coal mer
weather." "You are excused, sir, on the
ground that it would be impossible for {
coal merchant to weigh a matter properly
and find true bill"
Ba~ "Poor John was so fond of gambling
said bereaved widow. Ellis last bet was
$50 that he could eat 300 CLAIMS in twenty
minutes.
''Did he win the bet ?"
eyes, he won the bet," sighed the widow
"but the money didn't do us any good. II
took every cent of it to bury him."
TINE TO GET AwAY.-"Hello back from
New Orleans so quick:"
eyes"
"Couldn't you find any quarters there?"
"No; and the quarters l took with me
went so fast that 1 wouldn't have had one
left to pay the Pullman porter if l hadn't
left when I did"
H9- Mr.. Simpleson is very irasciole man
and is in the habit of Furnishing his boys
very severely. Not long since he observed
that one of his sons needed new pair Of
pants. He scolded the boy for wearing out
his clothes so fast. spa, no pants can last
any time the way you hits" replied the
boy ."-7sras Sytings.
Ia" "What is repentance:" queried the
Sunday school teacher. ''To be sorry fol
doing wrong" said the good boy. "Were
you ever sorry for anything you did ~
"Yes'm," said the bad boy. "What made
you sorry?" "Great Jehosophat! Wasn't
ever spanked ?"-Ne,cnan Independent
BUSINESS Is BUsINEss.-"Don'ty yer want
to puy something"
"No, I've got everything l need"
"Don't yer want to puy fine razor ~
II never shave myself"
"Put maype you wants to commit suicide
some of dose day."
SURE PROOF TO THE CoNTRARY.-"Did
he love the Majors daughter ?" Certainly
not care You sure of it?" "Quite so.''
"What makes you think SOP" "Why, he
married her."-Chicago Ledger.