The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-01-24
Paragraph Fiend.

Too thin-The average ballet girl
A round sum of money A penny
Takes anything The photographer
A good four four in hand--four aces.
A rising young man-The elevator boy.
The man who desires fast horse thirst~
for gccr,
A crossbow-A beau that has just re
ceived the mitten.
Aman is called a confirmed !iW when
nothing tina, he says is confirmed.
Notwithstanding great many persons
81, down on roller skates they are becoming
very popular.
A poet sings 1--WE found my queen,
bu, neglects to inform Us Aor many ne
had before the draw.
DR.. Mary Walker tells Washington IN.
teryiewer that she will wear pants or moth
ing. Let her alone.
Inquirer asks why is it that 50 many
dogs have IeasY" To be perfectly honest
we think It Is because there are 20 many
hea,
oDon't lie much on the left side, says
the writer No, n you must lie Go II on
the winning side Bgiingioa Free Press
An agriculture! exchange, in An article
ON How 10 Feed Horses" mentions feed
ing "corn in the ear rs one way. This
may he Nh economical way, but It must be
excessively painful to the horse,
A fair maiden Of Keokuk, Iowa, Tilted
by the head waiter Of a hotel, went 70 shoot
hin, whereupou, in the most ungallant
manner possible, he knocked her down
with most skillfully aimed plate He
was q gay dish HEAVIER
The Office cat Of the New York SIN, that
ate I'D Cleyeland's civil service letter so
that the SIN was unable " publish II IS
receiving the mos, flattering nttenion
from the press and has jumped into ever.
lasting fame. This j. how the feline
prodigy is treated
The SUMS ca, Is the only politician that
has been able TO get Gov Cleveland's cigi!
service letter through his head.-1ToD Free
Press.
II must be Q smart cat that refuses even
10 nibble mt Butler editorial, while II
swallows such q common sense letter ~
ClevelsD1's At one gulp .-Nro HaoeD Reg
iSter
II The Nur Office cat ate the Cleveland
letter 1t displayed the bes. taste about the
establishment and should be installed in
the editorial chair An editor, whether
man or cat, ought 10 go for the best things.
-- Boston Herald
What Hsls,ead really needs i,a cat train
ed to run of with his editorials. But
would the cat survive ?AtkarN C0nStith
lion.
The SIM is now fairly humping itself 10
give Mr. Cleveland loyal and Jealous
support II WAS the cat that had charge OF
the Suns columns before cleCuOn.--BOstop
Post
The Sun claims that the office cat is the
great literary success Of the day The
=. hungry animal could vastly increase its
popularity by devourinS the editors gram
ms.ical library --Paterson GuGrdinE
A pious convict in the Philadelphia pen
tendary whero the system Of solitary con
fnement Is IN vogue. manages 70 dol
some missionary work among his fellow
prisoness by writing scriptural texts on the
backs Of immense cOckroaches which van.
der from cell 20 cell.
The republican papers say ~ Johns
statement that the charge that he had Of /!
fered TO sell out is can infamous ana ma
licious iie' il sn "evasive answer" ltislike |
the eyasiye answer the tramp said he got
from the lawyer whom he asked for dol
lar "How was that he was asked WHY, |
he kicked me down stairs"
SHE BEATS rHEN All.
There's the girl with the smiling face,
The girl with the witchiug eye,
There's the girl with stately grace,
And the nirl that Is modest mud shy