The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-02-25
VARIETIES.

~, wny uonC you get her a pair of cor
SETS ooh you don't understand me.
Nothlng can stay her extravaganza"
Mamma-Yes, my child, we shall all
know each other in heaven Edith-But,
mamma, we can make believe not when
some OF them call, can't we?-N. Y.
Herald 1
"A heroic and noble man'sifirstthought
when his house took fire recently was
Tor his mother-in-law, whom he saved
from burning staircase by promptly
throwing her from third-story window
"A fashion writer says tuolSs are worn
on everything. Not by "a large majority
There are no tucks worm on boarding
mouse hash, and that's as near every
thlng as anything thatis manufactured .
Mr. Quibbs 81 think Mrs. .Forsvthe
is one of the most beautiful women /
ever saw. A lovely singer, too-such a
sweet, falsetto voice" Mrs. tQuibbs, (hot-
lyl es and false set'o' teeth, too"
"A man has invented a ,cast-iron table
ware that looks just like porcelain, and
is In ecstacy when he sees a servant girl
drop half dozen cups and Shrek with
horror at observing their 'failureto break
~ IRE not dancing, Miss Sweet. are
,yonengaged?" ooh, MIR. I.yon this is
so sudden But wait I'll ask mamma!''
IN his hurry to get down stairs Mr. Lyon
sprained his ankle, and is now awaiting
assuit for breach of promise.
Mrs. De Silva is so poetical," OBJ
served Mrs. Brown to her husband
'.She calls her new dresses Dreams
very good name for Them" respond
edMr. Brown. for her husband always
speaks OF his bills as Nightmares"
'What are you looking at, old gal?"
asked the postman of Mrs. MIlligan
Sure IAN was just thinkin," said Mrs
Mulligan, chow foine me by Moike will
be lukln whin he gifts THIN clothes on. ="
Mrs. 91ulligan's Moike voted for Cleve-
land.
Not a Good Mana stranger in a
small town having lost hisway, acoosted
"a gentleman on the street. @fPlease, my
good man, he says, 'ttell me the way to
the postofice.' . ii am not a good man y
says the person accosted, with,eonsoious
dignity. II am the mayor'
A Scotchman went to LAWYER for adj
vice, and detailed the circumstances of
the case. "Have you told me the facts
precisely as they occurred? Pr asked the
lawyer. "Oh, aye, sir" replied he; 81
tho't best to tell we plain truth. Ye
can put,the lees into it yersel."
$50 you've been practicing at the
skating rink, eh ?" said a friend to .Simp-
kins. EYES," admitted Simpkins. q
have" ''Well how do you take the roll
ers?" so, I've no objection to the roll
ers. They're all right: It's the chalk on
the floor q object to. It's so hand to
brush off,
Mother-Why didn't you get un,
Charles, when l called YOU? Son-Be-
cause it was so dark that couldn't see to
dress myself. Mother-Why, Charles.
What do you mean? 1t was as light as
day when I,called you. Son-But, moth
er, how could i know it was light? had
my eyes shut, you know.
During the late cold snap Nose Seham-
burg laid in "a big pile of wood. He en-
couraged Nilsson to pile it up by saying=
-If you wash .a.good little poy, Isaac, you
may pile up dot load of wood'' t'And
ven l wash pad little poy, fodder, vot
then?'' "Den you shall pile dot wood
up, vedder YOU wants to or not. "-1eans
S1tings.
@t1Iake it very strong and close, Uncle
JOHN" said the lady of the manor to the
negro who was building new garden
fence ''my Christianity can't stand the
test of my neighbor's pigs sand chickens. y
81 believe you mistiss," was the old
mans emphatic response; ''kase l been
alluS notice dat deere was an end to all
peace an goodwill, an neighborliness'
an 'ligion, whar dere want no fence"
''Why don't you bang your hair,
love ~ he asked the,other evening as they
sat in the parlor after tea, reports the
Bostoa Post. "Why, dear, do you think
it would be becoming?" "Oh, yes, |
guess So; but / wasn't thinking about
that" 'Well, then, why do you want
ME to bang it ?" "Well, | was thinking
that if you banged your hair the piano
would not feel so lonely" He had to
get his oWm breakfast the next morning.
Another Thoughtful Better Haiti
shall be solonely, deanest, when you are
gone" said young husband, as he put
his wife in railway earrirge for the sea-
side, and cIinging to her fondly, awaited
the signal of departure. "Charlie, dear"
she answered, reassuringly, 81 have pro-
vided against all that. Mamma will
come and stay with you until return
and as she is very timid, you'll remain
at home of an evening and keep each
other company" nnwF HnN8.5