The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-10-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A subscriber asks an exchange
"When is the best time to marry?" Mr..
Enpeque says the best time for such a
ceremony is on the 3lst OF February
NOrristOUn Herald.
Naval Examiner-"NOw,s sir, | will
examine YOU for color-blindness. What
color is this light?n How the deuce
can l tell unless you take that red globe
off of it?"-ChicdgO NeWS.
Seven hundred -fifty-dollar fans
are very common in New York, but
sensible girls don't look for such pres
ents. They take a fifty-cent fan and
$3.50 in ice cream and soda-water.-
Detroit Free Press.
Two Jockeys have been killed at
hOrSc-racing in New York recently. A
few more casualties of that kind and
the horse trot will supersede baseball
as the National game in this country.
-NOrriStOWn Hcrdld.
i always pick my company" said
a braggart, who was elbowing his way
through a crowd And their pockets,
when YOU get chance" added quiet
gentleman, who stood politely aside,
with a bow.-GoLden DaqS.
Il wish. mamma dear?" protested
cute little Laura. knitting her brows in
cOmical severity; Il really do wish
you'd make Harry stop throwing peach
kernels at me. He hasn't hit me yet;
but every time he throws he hurts my
feelings dreadfullv."
do not put salt into soup when
cooking until it has been skinned. as
salt prevents the scum from rising"
So salt prevents the scum from rising.
eh?" Another reason why the fresh
youth should be attended to immediate
ly.'-BoStOn Transcript.
The New York Grao ohio describes a
forthcoming volume as about half the
size of pocketbook. This is too indef-
mite If it means Vanderbilt's pocket
book it would be a library in itself. bur
if our pocketbook is understood
moral is obvious. Philadelphia Call.
-"Bromlev. is it true th.t you lost
vour hired girl ?'' Yes. Mr.. Dusen-
berry; she died" "Ah, what of %
..Corroboration. ''Of what??" Cor
roboration. She wanted to know
whether there was really any risk in
lighting the fire with kerosene"
1t is said that Western girls have
stronger voices than those of the East.
But when an Eastern woman calls
You John Henry" preparatory to tn g
kindling of the morning brands on the
family hearthstone. it is evident that she
has a voice sufficiently strong to be dis
tinctly understoOd.-T States
man.
"A girl in one of the public schools
applied to her teacher for leave to be
absent for half day, on the plea that
there was company at her house. The
teacher referred her to the printed list
of reasons that the school committee
think 20 justify absence. and asked her
if the case came under any of them.
She replied, with true wit. that it might
come under the head of domestic atiiic-
tion.-BOs'On Bulletin.
Here is a story told by Miss Marti-
neau of a servant girl who came to her
to be hired. The girl had brogue that
N ght be cut with an axe. but denied
that she was Irish. We'll" said the
novelist. Il don't know whether YOU
are an Irish woman or not. All know
Is. vou were born in Ireland" ..Weli.
ma am" replied the girl. suppose /
was; if was born in stable would |
be a hOrse?' She was engaged with
out further parley.-Cincinnati En-
q,arer
"A few days ago well-known So
ciety young man shocked one of his
lady friends by his ignorance of history.
1t was after dinner party at his house.
and she was telling him what she had
learned in her private history class.
One thing led to another, and all the
time be was getting into deeper water.
At last she surprised him by inquiring:
Nov. hell me. Mr.. -, what are the
Knigats of the Bath?" He stammered
for 3 while. and finally blurted out:
why. Saturday nights. 1 suppose. -
BHfaIo Courier.