Connecticut western news., 1885-06-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

snAD-JoKEs are bony-hde humor.
 A MATTER of taste-Strong butter.
 TIE mosquito always makes himself to hum.
 A WOODEN wedding-Marrying a blockhead.
 TIE fiery charger-The red.headed hotel clerk.
 How TO shorten liie-Worry about lengthening it.
 TIE goose and the tailor are very clothes friends.
 IN the neighborhood of Central Park they call wife-beaters llamas.
 ARTISTS should never neglect being vaccinated, as they are always sketch ing something. ....-
 WHICH two of the letters of the al. phabet tell the downfall of many Q young man2" K s.
 Ills eye was baok, his nose was rcd,
 He hadn't any teeth at all;
 When asked what made him look SO sad,
 He said, "rvo been playin' ball"
 ECONOMY will always pay; the man who saves Is wise; and those content with mush to-day will one day eat minoe pies.
 "YEs," said Mrs. Spriggins, when she read the menu of a recent fashionable dinner, "the man who got up that there feast must have been an epicao l"-LVc. SoMEHow or other everybody some time or other wants to sing "Auld Lang Syne," and only one man in a million knows the words. And he only knows the first verse, and he doesn't sing fl right.
 EMPLOYER to clerk: '1 don't object to your going to 0 funeral once in Q while, but I think you might bring me home fish or two" Sunblush on the end of the clerks nose extends rapidly to his ears.
 THE next time a convention is held tc ascertain who has the right to the title of the meanest man in the United States, the clerks in the War Depart. ment propose to submit the name of 6 party who endeayored to have his first wife's wedding ring used in plugging the second wife's teeth.
 IT is said that some mon never become irritated, but there never was n mas culine mortal who, while putting up pic ture nails, could bear in silence his wiie'l question, "Why didn't you hit tn, nail ?" This is one of the things whicl has been known to wreck householdi and fill the divorce courts. BURDErrEs.
 'FATHER," said the young man shaking his head mournfuIly, "had a iron will" "You ought to know" re piled his lawyer, 'you forged 1t your self"
 SHE had all of her dresses by Worth Being wealthy by marriage and borth But by overmuch north, She extende her gorth, And soon was the fleshies woman on orth.
 A SAD looking man went to the Unite States Mint and applied for board an lodging. "Sir," said the mint man haughtily, "this is not a boardin house." "No ?" replied the sad lookin stranger, 'I was told this was the plac where they make cash" And then the scent him away. #
 R HAS its time to come and go, An oysters wax and wane with every moon And shad, with bony sweetness hoe thei roe And swim away before the end ( June And the meek clam, by sea an sound, Deserts its iocund bakes, benigr serene, But you hang on the whole yes round. Always in season, oh qui.nin (kee-neen)y
 AN eminent scientist is writing abou "the sun as a source of energy" Some how 1t never seems to lend much energ to the man who sits on dry goods bo eight hours day, basking in the rays ( this infinite source of energy, and wisl ing some customer would happen alon or that he could think of something thl would keep him awake until bed time.
 Two BOLD, bad robbers went into Kansas bank the other day, after banl ing hours, too, about seven hours after and drew ont nearly S3,000. That is tn way of this partial old world that's tn mean, trucking way of the none kings. An honest editor, who in all h upright life had never stolen anythin more than a wandering paragraph might go to that bank and beg for 2 do lars and ! until his voice was all gon' and he couldn't get if, and here tw other thieves, from Texas, walk in an get enough to start daily paper. Al l Al .l