News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-07-02
THAT OLD PIN.

THAT OLD PIN.
An amusing incident occurred at q
jewelry store the other day. A carpen-
ter entered to buy scarf-pin, and ex'
pressed the wish to have one bearing
the emblems of his trade. Various pins
= Of various sorts were exhibited by the
jeweler, until after while the eye of the
carpenter rested on Masonic pin
square and compass and letter g.
''There, that's what want" said the
: carpenter, pointing toward the pin.
eyes, but that's Masonic emblem, you
know" replied the salesman. 'No
matter" replied the other, ''it's just
what 1 want. There's the square and
the compass and G for the gimlet; I'll
take that"
THE PLATTER.
This is told of an Assemblyman in
Albany:
A colleague accused him OF striving
for certain high Office. He denied the
statement Indignantly. Rising to a
question of privilege, he waxed warm
upon the subject.
"Why, Mr.. Speaker" said he, ''d
that place were offered to me upon O
golden platter, would not accept it."
Up rose a rural member who had
very squeaky voice.
"Mr. Speaker he piped, ':wiIl the
member inform the House what would
become of the golden platter 2"-Har-
pe1'S Bdzar.
HE HAD SEEN BOTH KINDS.
He had an idea, but it was too heavy
for him to carry around, SO he entered
the sanctum of the funny man and in
quired:
"By the way, did you ever notice how
polite a tree is ?"
'No," answered the funny man, T
don't remember ever having the expe-
rience."
"WelI, I'm surprised. Didn't you
ever see tree bough ?"
"Yes," responded the f. M, "and I
have often seen tree leave" Then he
unclaimed the dog.-Bostora Post.
THE FINAL TEST.
Mr.. De Blank: "Yes, dear, know
you should have new dress for that oc-
casion, and suppose you are right In
preferring silk. Now, 1 have been told
by a friend who knows us that Ameri-
can silks are exceedingly durable, and
that their luster and softness are unsur-
passed"
'Yes, know that, and shall"
"While they don't cost half SO much
as the Others"
"Too bad. They won't do at all,
then. n."-PhiIadelphia Call
BE LEFT.
"Have you got any bread?" said
tramp to housewife in the country.
"No."
''Have you got any bacon ?"
"No."
"Have you got any eheese?"
ssNo."
"What in thunder have you got any
way ?"
"Ive got this" she said, and she took
down revolver and put it to his nose.
He left.-,San Francisco Chronicle.
IN THE SUBURBS.
jewelers. Clerk: 'Anything else?"
Customer: Nothing that I can think
Of"
"Wouldn't you like to look at some
of our new alarm clocks? They are a
great improvement on the old kind"
ST now have to get up very early to
catch my train, but don't need any
alarm clock"
"Never oversleep yourself ?"
go, no My next door neighbor has
o new lawn mower. ."-PhiLa. CdU.
SWIMMING.
A gentleman of our acquaintance
tells the following good story, which
goes to show that the average Austin
boy has what Mrs. Partington would
call "iudicious" mind. He, the boy
wanted to go in swimming.
"But, my son, rejoined the anxious
parent; swimming is unhealthy. 1t
was only this morning that you were
complaining of pain in your stomach"
"That's so, pa; but know how to
swim on my back. ."-Z'eraS SiftingS.
NOT so CRITICAL.
Wife-"Well, doctor, how is my hus-
band ?"
"Getting along finely. He
is not in critical state at all"
"Sorry to hear that"
"Well, that's queer"
'Indeed it isn't; it's a sign he's pretty
SICK"
"Why, madam, in what way ?"
sWhen he's well he's mighty critical,
can tell you. ."-Ph5ladelplsiG Gall.
NAvY-TEE IN A STREET CAR.
On street car yesterday afternoon
the reporter heard q middle-aged lady
ask younger one, GLOW are you get
ting along ?"
"Oh," was the reply, 81 am having
a Dolphin time"
''A Dolphin timei What is that ?"
''Oh, you see, I am having SO many
trials" was the reply.-C Chicago B,tsi.
ness.
OFFERING IT TOO Low.
Poet Ito editor)-'1 will let you have
the poem for ten dollars"
Editor-"You can do better than that
with it."
Poet-"Yes, where ?"
Editor-"Take it to magistrate.
He will give you ten dollars and thirty
days."
A DINNER OF HERBS.
''The red men are often vegetarians,
even when they eat meat"
81 don't see your drift exactly.
swell, stupid, doesn't the hump of
bison often make an Indian meal ?"-
Boston Budget.