Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1885-05-02


"My wedding trip" said the groom, a.
he stumbled over the brides train.
Cheap swell doing the grand).-" Haw
--waitaw-bottle of champagne. Waiter
-" Yes sir. Dry. sir?" Cheap swell
"What's it to you whether Pm dry OK
whether amt? Bring the wine"
This is the season when the draft which
comes in through an open door makes many
. man shudder. Particularly if it is sight
draft.
A philosopher says: "You require in
marriage precisely the same quality that
you would In eating sausage-absolutec con-
6dence"
"Advice," says an old man of much ex-
perience, why, never had any one come
to me for that article who, before he got
through, was not willing to give me twice
IS much as he asked for"
Jones says his wife ia the most thrifty
woman he ever knew. "Why, SIR" he
says, she has made ten bedspreads during
the last two years; made them herself, sir,
out of the patterns she collected in her
shopping tours during that time"
A maynard youth, while undergoing cor
poreal punishment, exclaimed dexterously
directing the instrument of his torture into
the masters face, Its poor rule that
won't work both ways"
Mamma" said Henry Thomas, bright
httle fellow living over in Algiers-
s :" Mamma, have my toes got eyes?" No,
my darling. Why do You ask such fool
ish question ?" Because my foot's
asleep"
An army officer Is retired when he goes
out of service. and a wheel is retired to 90
into service again. When q sheriff releases
. prisoner he loses possession of him. and
when he releases house he regains pos
session Of it, and this is bowling cid Ian.
guage Of ours, amt it
A Pittsburgh minister has a very stub
born little 5-year old boy. The boys mo-
ther determined to conquer him, and,
having administered severe chastisement,
she said will you mind me now, John.
ny?" With sobs and cries he replied
Eyes, mamma, will, but hate to awful
~"
AFrenchman thinks the English language
II very tough Dare is look out, he sayA
(which Is to put out your head and see
and look OUT which is to haul in your
head and not for to see-just consraire."
"Once upon time" man met IN old
woman in an English town, driving several
asses. Adieu, mother of asses" said he.
Alden. my son was the old woman's
reply. The fellow went on his way, feel.
ing for his ears.
Howells said once In an after innsu
speech that such was his stern impartiality
. editor Of the atlantic Monthly, that On
one occasion he respectfully declined one
Of his own contributions
"How, )" said country court Judge 10 q
witness, show do you know that the plain.
iii was intoxicated on the evening referred
VI" "Beoause saw him few niautsa
vita boot-jack." Verdict for the defend
ant
On leaving church q country vicar va.
asked by his son Jagged fve) when the old
parish clerk was going to be cruciied. He
oppressed some surprise, and was reminded
that he had just said in his sermon, /" We
must cruelty the old man"
- 0oOsOH ACtuluCQ u COob % - D0llOr DE-
cause It did not fit him. The tailor. seeing
the doctor at the funeral Of one Of his pa.
dsnts, said, g All, doctor, you arc a happy
man." "Why SOL" asked the doctor.
Because" replied the tailor. "you never
have had any Of your bad work returned on
your hands."
/ SAID to my little girl one day =" What
. large forehead you have got 1t is just
like your fathers. You could drive pony.
carriage round it." To which her brother
five years old said -" Yes, mamma but
on papa's you can see the marks of tho
wheels"
Mr.. Lincoln used TO tell story about Q
big Hoosier who came to Washington during
the war, and called ON a street Arab for .
shins. Looking at the tremendous boots
before him, he called out to brother
sinner, across the street "Come over and
hsln Jimmy. I've got an army contract"