Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-17
WIT AND AIfNIOIs.

hO lCClH9 DCGWccU luO Ilpdl duu
adjacent cities of st. Paul and Mime
apolis, Mimi, is sad to be so bitter
that, were Gabriel to take his stand in
either town and blow his trumpet, the
inhabitants of the other would not pay
the slightest attention to the sum
mons.
Mamma, what's bookworm?"
"One who loves to read and study and
collect books, my DEAR The next
night company called. Miss Edith,
who wears rings innumcrable, was
present. 80, mamma, look at Miss
Edith's rings. | guess she's ring
worm, amt she?''
When baby begins to ask questions
wise men take their departure. A go
year-old' can run the profoundest
scholar to ground in ten minutes. One
of them recently examined the eyes of
his sister and asked, Mamma, where
does the Lord get his blue dust from?"
-Maco" (Ga) Zelegraph.
A couple of guys waited upon the
rector of the Medical Faculty of the
Heidelberg University. Professor
"What is it you want?" Both-"We
wish to sell our bodies for dissection
after DEATH" Professor-''Very good;
how much do you ask?" Both-''Wcll,
you see at the University of Magde-
burg the gave us each ten thalersn'-
Hatmoristiche BLdtter.
''Oh, say, ma!' exclaimed a bright
little girl at the Hoffman House while
at dinner, ''hasn't that man over there
got awful big ears?"
''Hush, child! the gentleman might
hear you," cautioned the mother.
"Well, ma" retorted the precocious
youngster, ''if he couldn't hear me
with those ears he ought to haul 'em
down. ."-NeaO York J01r71al
my brudder Moses nefer get rich
if he vhas in der clothing peeseness for
a tousand years"
Don't he buy goods close enough?"
"Dot doan make somepody rich.
Der troubles NIT Moses vhas dot he
vhas too oXcited. When he belief dot
England and Russia 90 to war he put
$500 into wheat, and in five days he
lose eafery cent.
'What should he have done?"
keep dot money in his pocket and
mark his stock up 20 per cent. "-WaW
Street NeWs.
Young Featherly, who was dining
with the family, was unremitting in
attentions to the eldest daughter.
81 don't see that sister is eatn' any
salt, " ventured watchful Bobby.
'Never mind what your sister is
eating, Bobby" interposed the father
in alarm. Little boys should be seen,
not"
oil oh TO H.
sisted Bobby, "'cos ma told her last
night that everything what Mr.. Feath-
erly said to her must be taken with a
grain O. salt. ."-NeW lorh Times.
A Houston editor, whose name it is
not necessary to mention, rs everybody
knows who is meant, was recovering
from a spell of sickness. AS soon as
he was able to sit up, the doctor, who
had studied the patients constitution,
said:
"You are so much improved that
you can take u toddy or glass of
beer
Every fifteen minutes or every half
hour, doctor?" asked the journalist,
who began to feel himself again Ter-
as SJtings.
u
quit dunning me for that little fool meat
bill there'll be q rumpus between you
and me"
"Vell, how mooch 1 dun youe Not
more as twice in Won week..
''Yes-but see how long you've been
dunning Uncover two years"
''Vell, Gurnel, make bargain nit
you. Ouf you dot bill pays off | don'd
dun you no more, hain't it?"
The Colonel refused to accept the
proposition, and Brinker will continue
in the dunning business.-Keaattc6y
State Joufnol.
Johnny (who is spending the after
noon at the Smiths My mother says
she'd like to look like you, Mrs.
Smith
Mrs. S. (who is extremely plain, but
not entirely aware OF it)-Like me, my
dear? | take that as a compliment,
indeed, from so very pretty a lady as
your mamma. You're quite sure it
was |, Johnny, that she meant?
Johnny (accepting another cruller)
oh, yes'm. She said that if she
could have your health and strength,
she believed she'd rs lief look Just rs
JOu uo.-IIU/ per Du%dT.
The Peasant Who Was Short on
Wheat-A Peasant who was Short on
Wheat for May Delivery, and found
Ruin Staring Him in the Face Betook
himself to the Cave of Philosopher
and said 80, Wise Man, am half a
million Bushels of Wheat short on May
Delivery. came to ask help of the
Gods through you." know ye, my
Friend, " replied the old man, that
the Gods Render Aid only when the
Lawyers have given up the Case?"
The next morning the Peasant was in
Canada. Moral: And his Lawyer Set
tied all Claims for 40 cents on the Dol
lar,
"Hens," says the Haverhll Bulletin,
care nothing more or less, so to speak,
than machines, and with good feed and
proper care can do their work with the
regularity of machinery" We en-
tirely agree with this view. In the
a.