Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1885-03-05
sPoOPENDYKE's PIE.

SPOOPENDYKE'S PIE.
'My DEAR" said Mr.. spoopendyke,
folding his napkin and pushing his chail
back from the table, "my dear, you are
a pretty good housekeeper. and once il
a while you contrive to cook up fail
meal, but you have no business fooline
around mince pie. There never was
but one woman who could make minct
pie, and that was my mother"
Il thought this was nice, " returned
Mrs. Spoopendyke, with just little
quiver resting on her lip. II got it out
Of the cook book"
''And you'd better put it right back
in the book as warning to other anna
teurs, " continued Mr.. spoopendyke. 81
don't say that this is especially bad, only
it doesn't meet with all the requirements
of pie as they were instilIed into nv
young mind. You might work it on
founding hospitals that never had any
mother, but it hasn't the soul used to
get out of pie when lived at home.n
"How did your mother make the mince
pies, dearG" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
'S'H knew what she used, perhaps l
could get up one of which you would
eat six slices instead of four" And
with this purely feminine dig, Mrs.
Spoopendyke looked modestly down
ward and began folding knife pIeatings
in the table cloth.
iComeP' exclaimed Mr.. spoopendyke,
jumping impetuously from his chair.
If you've got the ingredients, I'll show
you how to make pie that will draw
howls of envy from the neighbors, !" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke led the way to the
kitchen. where's your chopping tray
and the apples? Fetch me the hand
guillotine and the beef Look alive now.
my dear, and we'll startle the world with
some revelations on the abstruse subject
of mince pier'
Let me put this big towel around
your neck, SO you won't grease your
clothes, !" suggested Mrs. Spoobendyke,
dragging out huge crash towel.
''What's that foran demanded her hus-
band, contemplating it with no amount
of favor. (Which end Of the pie is that
thing supposed to have influence with?
If | make up my mind when 1 get
through that this pie wants to be shaved.
I'll put on this skirt, but in the mean.
time I want room for all my limbs.
Now" he continued, as he dumped the
beef and apples into the tray and went
at them vigorously with the chopping
knife ''now you watch the proceedings
and note how this pie begins to assume
proportions
Didn't your mother peel the apples
before she chopped theman asked Mrs.
spoopendyke, quietly.
'sEhlp calculated Mr.. Spoopendyke.
slowing up little and looking into the
tray distrustfnlly. ssOf course not, = and
he resumed his labors with still more
energy. 'If you did, there's where you
made your mistake. l suppose you
peeled the beef, too, didn't ye9 Though
| don't know" and he stopped short
and regarded his work attentively. ut
strikes me thismeat would chop finer if
some one had dropped pile driver on
it once or twice. Anyway you don't
want your meat too fine, and guess
this will do, = and Mr.. Spoopendyke set
the tray full Of Jumps on the table and
rolled up his sleeves.
'What will you have now, deara'' in
quired his wife, tenderly.
"Some flour and water,n replied Mr..
Spoopendyke, cheerilv. ssIt's the crust
Of pie that is its genius, and Pm going
to turn out slab Of pastry that will be
monument to the artist who is weay
ing this job. Gimme the -four and water.
while ! feel as one upon whom the spirit
Of successful pie rests visibly!n
Mrs. Spoopendyke brought out the
material and once more resumed the re-
lation of pupil to the exercises.
Anything else, dearg'' she asked, as
Mr.. Spoopendyke wet down his -four
and jammed his fists in the paste.
Nothing but profound silence, 2 re-
torted her husband. "The chief trouble
with the crust to your pie is that you
allow your attention to be distracted
from il at the critical moment. /, on
the contrary, will stop boxing
this overcoat for that mlnce meat just at
the second it reaches fakiness, Z and he
slammed in more -four and plunged
again into his ambitious efforts in the
way Of crust There n said be when he
had fought it to the consistency Of sand
and mueilage and rolled It out into two
thick chunks There is the triumph