Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-02-27
WIT AND HUNIOR.

Shr llt SHOW, lIlt Dtdu1llul SNOW
tShut the door
Filling the sky and earth below:
tles, you can shovel il of for a Quarter.1
Over the hOusC-tOps, over the street,
(SiG an hour for a sleigh? Good heavenso
Over the heads of the people you meet;
ARREST that boy for snoN-balingD
SHINING along
Hit the poet with leather thong.
Merchant Traveller.
"Till YOU walk into my parior?'
Said the spider to the fly;
Tis the prettiest little parlor
That ever you did spy,
Puts and calls in every corner,
And spread eagles on the floor;
VIII you come into my parior!
Quoth the fly, "Oh, nevermore!
P. S.-He had been there once; hence
he was fly.-Burdette.
Hardly have the echos of the terrible
dynamite explosions died away before
a new poem by Tennyson is announced.
philadelphia Gail.
"Did the deceased die under suspi-
cious circumstances" asked a Coroner
of a rural witness. Nav. he didn't;
he died in the water under the ice."
One half the world doesn't know
how the other half lives; but, in fash
ionable society, that isn't because it
hasn't tried its prettiest to find out.
Any marriage in New York City
which calls out less than 500 specta-
tors to the church is spoken of as a
gloomy failure. They don't count
anything for love.
Mrs. Newgold Cn the picture gallery
This, Aunt Eunice. is real old mas
ter. Aunt Eunice-Well, | shouldn't
care if it was; it's just as good as some
of the new ones.-Lyc.
"Ah! YOU flatter me " lisped dude
to pretty girl with whom he was con-
versing mo, don't" was the reply.
You couldn't be any flatter than you
are. ."-Buriington Free Press.
..Pah.n asked young Johnnie Jarph-
" "what is Il defaulter?' He is a
man who loses money that does not
belong to him. my son" replied Mr..
Jarphly. '.And what is financier?"
.'0ne who hangs onto it. ."-HHSburg
Chronicle.
Young Artist displaying a picture)
This painting is entitled Jonah and
the whale ~ Where is JonahP".
You notice the rather distended ap-
pearance of the whales stomach mid
way between the tail and the neck?'
"Yes." That's Jonah. "-NeJC York
San.
1t would take wise man to pene-
trate the subtle and intricate processes
of young woman's reasoning. Il
don't ike Mr. l. we heard one say
to another not long ago. "WhyP"
asked her listener. ..Oh, to begin with,
he wears lavender gloves" was the
response. and to both these petticoated
critics the matter seemed sufficiently
discussed and satisfactorily settled.
Jay Gould's little boy recently went
to visit some country relatives. Early
in the morning he arose, and, missing
his uncle. asked one of his cousins:
..Where's Uncle Jabez gomez" He's
gone to water stock" replied Jabez's
little boy. What, so earlyr' exclaimed
little jay Gould. .'Why, my pa never
waters stock until he goes downtown
in the city, bout 10 or II. 1l."-Pitsburg
Chronicle.
As the reporters were gathering the
names of the ladies at the masquerade
last evening, one of the latter entered,
dressed in an elegant costume. She
was Immediately approached by pen
cil-fend, who politely asked: Your
name, please?" My name is Miss
Brown What is your character?"
1T never has been questioned. Young
man, YOU are little too fresh. "-Sdcrd-
,le,tO itdl. Record Union,
1t was at a murder trial. A witness
for the defense was on the stand.
What do you intend to prove by this
witness?' asked the Judge. That
the prisoner is insane" replied the
attorney. Does the witness know any
thing about insanity? Is he an eXpert?'
''EXpert?' repeated the lawyer. 'Well,
l should say .he was. He knows all
about insanity. Why. your Honor, he
has been as crazy as loon for the past
ten years"
Mamma said 5-vear-old, as he
stood on tiptoe by the bedside and
peered at his new little brother,
where did that baby come from?'
The angels brought him. darling"
said mamma. The angels brought
him?" echoed the shaver as he gazed
at the wrinkled, fidgety. red counten-
ance. well, all I've got to say is, if
the angels couldn't "A scared up bet
ter lookin' baby they'd better a kept
him at home. oil city blizzard.
"You horrid thing!' said Miss Jaggs
to Miss Minnie Jaggs when they had
sought their room; ''you actually ate
that biscuit after Uncle Horace had
reached it to YOU on his own fork!''
..Well, what of it?' What of it? |
should say what of it! The idea of
touching anything that anybody else's
fork has been in'' 1T dusn't make
anv difference in Uncle HOrace's ease"
"Why not?' Because he never puts
his fork in his mouth. "-R0cktand
Courier.
The story goes that the Russian Gar,
Alexander l., having once heard that
one of his courtiers. to whom he was
strongly attached. had become involved
in debt. sent him book of which every
leaf was a bank bill. A few days later
the two met at a court ball. 'Well,
Count" asked the Gar, how do you
like nv book?" Il am delighted with
the first volume. Your Majesty" an
swered the wit significantly. land will
be glad to know when the second is
likely to appear"
An Albany gentleman, who broke a
rule of the Associated Charities by
giving aims on the street, tells an in
stance which gives 4 curious comment
ary on human nature. Apoor woman,
with a child. met him and said: 80,
sir, YOU are rich and happy, and |
should be perfectly happy if | could
only have s. for the children at home"
The gentleman said: "Well, if S5 can
make any human being perfectly