Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1885-04-11
THE MODERN HAT.RACK.
DiabOiiCaI Character OF This Heath.
enssh Continuance.

plicable only on the theory OF it's
demoniacal origin. Indeed, the human
mind is SO constituted that it instructive
~ refers all the contrivances ostelsibly
intended for holding hats to the devil,
and most of us would confess belief
that the devil makes hat-racks did we
not fear the derision of so-called;philoso-
pliers. Is it reasonable to suppose that
any human being seriously designed for
q good purpose the combination of brass
rods which is to be seen above the to
bles in certain rest1urantsP Ostensibly
these rods are intended for temporary
storage of hats but when man tries
to put his hat on braes-rod rack it in
stantly falls down again, and brings with
it two other hats and pie of newsps-
pers, the former of which upset the cas-
ter, while the latter diffuse themselves
over the butter and the beefsteak.
Nothing but the theory of the active in
fuence of evil spirits can account for
this style of hat rack, and yet it is really
inferior in ingenious malignity to the
common hat rack of private houses.
This diabOlical continuance is always
placed in the dark corner of the hall-a
fact which shows that evil spirits arc
concerned not merely in manufacturing
but in placingit. The consequence is that
the visitor gropes for it, and, i'll 70 do
ing, infallibly knocks down the over
coats and hats which are already hung
upon it. When he is able to perceive it
with his eyes, he can find no satisfactory
peg. The malicious manufacturer never
fails to make the pegs SO shortthat to
induce a hat to balance itself upon one
of them is a task requiring both time
and dexterity. Not content with this.
the manufacturer places the pegs 80
close together that 1t is impossible for
two adjoining pegs to support each its
own hat at the same time. The ordi-
nary visitor learns this truth only by sad
hang his hat on the peg next to that
which bears the hat of the head OF the
house, and it is only after he has knocked
| the original hat down with his own hat,
and then knocked his own hat down by
trying to restore tho other to its origin
al place, that he perceives the fell pur-
pose of the maker of hat-racks.
Only the ingenuity of demons could
have combined an umbrella stand with q
hat-rack. The object of this unholy
combination is obviously to tempt the
visitor to deposit his overcoat on the
protruding handles of half a dozen
umbrellas and caues. The prudent man
rarely attempts to hang his Overcoat on
a peg, for he knows that in so doing he
will knock down all the hats. Moreover,
| it is the practice of the satanic manfact-
urer to put in the pegs SO loosely that
the weight Of an Overcoat when put on
any one Of them will pull it out. He,
therefore, folds his Overcoat up and lays
| il gently on the umbrella handles. In
| stantly these deiusive supports give way.
| A rafting avalanche OF canes and uruabrol-
las strikes on the marble floor, and the
betrayed overcoat gathers to itself all
the available dirt that has accumulated
in the bottom of the umbrella stand,
while the startled and indignant visitor
breaks into language which might we'll
fill listening demons with fiendish Joy.
So notorious has the character of the
combined hat-rack and umbrella
stand become that wise men never
NEEDLE with it, but uniformly place
their folded overcoats On the floor In q
corner Of the hall, and put their hats
ON their overcoats.
Now, if We attempt to account for the
hat-rack on any theory which excludes
the supernatural, we make complete
failure. 1t is in vain for us to ask our.
selves why men should make an article
of furniture that can accomplish no con-
ceivable end except the evaporation OF
mankind The moment we assume that
hat-racks are the work Of evil spirits
they become coherent and Ineligible.
Is it not, then, pity that the abolition
Of faith in evil spirits leaves us without
any method Of accounting for the ex-
istence of hat-racks, and compels us to
say that we do not know, and cannot CON
csive, for what purpose they are n,ade :?