The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-12-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Mary Anderson is accused of having
learned the abominable English practice
of turning the toes in; and the Albany
Times wants her to turn the rascals out
Omaha Herald.
Beware of overeating." says a medi-
cal advertisements; lit causes dyspepsia
and death" Yes, beware of overeating.
Death, you know, loves dining shark.
Philadelphia Chronicle.
A girl at Memphis has horsewhipped
her prospective father-in-aw for en-
deavoring to induce his son to break off
the match. This looks like solemn
warning for the young man.-Rttsbarg
Csronicle
'Ma, did you read in the paper about
fascinating Bees in Maine?" asked
Mildred. why, no, my DEAR" replied
the old lady Il did not even know
that bees ever took the smallpox. "
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Scene: Reception in Philadelphia.
Young gentleman-.'Waiter, bring me
a spoon for the ice-cream. instead of this
fork" Waiter (from New York)-Ox-
cuse me; clean forgot l vas this night
in Philadelphia.
1t is rumored that one of our maya
zines next year will publish an Ameri-
can novel the scene of which is not laid
in Boston; but it is not safe to believe
such wild rumors until they are verified.
--NorristoU7s Herald
A poet says: There is always sun
rise somewhere" This is comforting.
To the man who is just going to bed
there comes the happy consolation that
somebody has to get up and go to work.
American Hebrew.
The stingiest man on record lives in
Hart County. 1t is sworn to and sub
scribed to by many witnesses that he
always gets behind tree to look at his
watch for fear some one will ask him
the time of day.-HartOeU (Ga.J San.
A correspondent travelling in Nor
mandy tells London Truth that in the
Church of Elbeuf the other Sunday the
cure, after his sermon, said: MY dear
parishioners, please put only silver in
the plate, as it takes such long time to
count coppers. "
''You say that the women of Timbuc-
too have their noses bored and wear
jewels in them?'' $50 travellers assert"
Then a Timbuctoo woman must be
like the Puritan yacht" How do you
make that out?" Because she has her
scenter bored. "-Bostora Courier.
The Enquirer overheard a little B.
year-old girl say to its mother last even
ing: Mother, believe God thinks I'm
,LUl,,O's
somewhat astonished at the remark.
Cause haven't said my prayers for
a week. "-Richmond Ind Enquirer.
Il never was exactly buried alive"
said an old clerk, recounting his ex-
periences, ''but once worked in a store
that did not advertise. When l came
out my head was almost as white as
you now see it. Solitary confinement
did it."-Cancinnati Commercial Gazette.
''It's through no fault of miIe," COM
planned tired-looking young man,
.'that came into the world. But am
here, and the world owes me a living"
YES" was the reply, 1.-The world owes
you living, but you haven't energy and
spunk enough to collect it. IN. 7. Sun.
A wellregulated newspaper-man must
have faith in his wood-pile, hope in a
bright future, and charity that reaches
out beyond delinquent subscribers.
Faith, hope, and charity comprise the
most difficult tripartite alliance there is
in this world to keep up with.-Baker
City (Ore.) Sage-Brush.
Young Contributor (to country editor)
will you kindly look at this poem,
sir?" Country Editor ''Certainly; we
are always anxious for good poetry
[Reading] HIM! On Linden, when
the sun was low etc. Handing
it back Sorry, sir; it's very fair, but
not quite up to our standard"
Fond father-"How is your boy get
ting on at college, Smith," Smith
''First-rate, / believe Fond father
Strange; my boy doesn't stand well in
his class at all; and yet believe he is a
very hard student What do you sup
pose can be the matter?' Smith
"Maybe he's too hard. IN. Y. Mail.
Highwaymen in Boston universally
complain that the business there is a
dismal failure. No true-bred Bostonian
would ever give cent to plebeian
robber who should say, Your money
or your life' and before the highway
men can calculate, Your pecuniary
assets or your eXistencer' his intended
victim is away out of sight.-SomerUille
(NaSs.) Journal.
'Such ignorancer exclaimed South
Side girl, looking up from her paper
What is it?'' asked her father "Why,
at civil-service examination in Georgia
one applicant said that Shakespeare was
the author of .Gray's Elegy in a Country
Churchyard. THAT don't seem
right Who did write it?n "Why,
Tennyson, of course. Pttsburg Chro's-
icle.
A call was made at the post-office this
week for a special-delivery stamp. Post
master Halves asked where the party
wished to send the letter. The appli-
can't said it was to 90 to Cuthbert, when
the Postmaster told him that Cuthbert
was not special-delivery office The
applicant replied that it didn't make a
bit of difference with him, that he pro-
posed to try the new system anyway
Lunlpkin (Ga.) Independent.
Papa, what is tornado?" asked a
youthful seeker after information.
CHANGING nervously around the room to
see if the coast was clear, the old man
said: You have often heard your
mother blowing me up for brin cling
company home without previously mott
flying her?" Yes, sir. 'Well, that is
as much like a tornado as anything
know of. But you needn't tell your
mother that said so, however y
N. Y. Journal.
She had just dropped in for morn
ing call on her way downtown. do
you know, Cicely dear. said she, ''that
it is awfully warm; but Isuppose l must
wear this fur-trimmed dolman any,
how 20, didn't notice you had it
on. Is 1t the same one you had last
year?" mo, it isn't, I'd have you
know. It's brand new and you knew
it." It's very bad practice, this
making morning calls: always leads to
the shedding of tears, Hartford Post.
A wealthy Dallas lady. just coming
from church, was accosted by 2 ragged