Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1885-08-11
How to Drive Your Boys from Home that They
NAV go West and Grow up with the Indians.


Growl at them, find fault with all they
do, and declare it was not the way you did
when you were boy. Frown on them with
the terror of northwest blizzard when
they ask you for money to buy powder and
shot. Raise merry hades with them when
they quit half an hour sooner on Saturday
evening so as to go to dance. Lock the
front door and make them coon" the back
gallery post on their return before they can
get up stairs to bed. Wake them up earlier
than usual the next morning because they
came in late last night. If they want to go
to picnic, make them do extra work for
two days before and two days after, SO as
to compensate you for your parental indul-
gence. If the small boys should run race
with the work horses when they think you
are not about, and you should find it out,
why, just wait until they return; then double
plow line and waltz them around out in
the horse lot for about ten minutes. Do
this as q manifestation OF your humanity
for dumb brutes. As means of encouraging
home industry, give each of the boys pig
or calf, or a piece of ground to plant
in corn or tobacco, but when the day
of sale comes, you be sure and pocket the
money, on the ground that they haven't
general intelligence enough to know how to
spend it. If they should revolt against this
opinion, why just tell them you spent it for
their clothes. They can't get around this
aud then you will feel better.
If they should break halter strap or bri-
BILE rein, while breaking colt, why then
YOU Just discontinue their breaking for the
time being, while you break loose on them
with blue streak Of profanity, assisted by
~ fo Nc vol CIV ND hrtIl
reins After this is over make your Lres-
ence terror to them for the next week. All
this will not mend matters, but it will act
as a powerful incentive in giving the boys
start.
Don't send them to school much, lest they
become initiated into all manner of mischief
and wicked habits, to which the young and
unwary fall ready victims. IF you are re-
ligiously inclined, make them 60 to church
and Sunday school, though you may never
feel like going. During the long rainy
days keep them in doors memorizing verses
from the New Testament. Don't permit
any mirth or lively amusement around your
congenial home during those trying days,
lest it might have tendency to cultivate a
desire for worldly pleasure. Teach them
to live in the fear and admonition Of your
authority, that they may live long and
prosper in the land which their fore
fathers took from the Indians. Don't let
them swap horses, lei they should get
their eye.teeth cut while young. Rather
postpone this little experience until they
have family to take care of and forty acres
of land to get euchred out Of This may
prove dear experience to them. but you
know experience is best when dearly bought,
and it is better late than never. Don't have
any solid or scientific literature about the
house, lest they should idle away their time
looking for contradictions between Genesis
| and geology. and thus become self.appoint-
| ed skeptcal Investigators in search OF so
| ealledn scientific truths; rather let them
buy their own reading matter, and they
will thus form strong attachment for rich
| romance, such as the lives and adventures
of outlaws, The Heroes of The Plain, and
this accompanied by full supply of lock
and-key literature, will, without doubt,
bring about the promised results, and that
in many cases before you expect it. For
rest assured after all your labors in bringing
them up, you will not live to see life's labors
lost. You may have long and lonely walk
far down the afternoon of life unattended
by kith or kin, and your conscience may toll
a funeral bell for few of your past acts,
and you may take leave of the things of life
when no son is present to take note of your
departure But what of that? while mem
ory is lost beneath the balm of oblivion and
YOU asleep beneath the dark shadows of
eternity, you will have the satisfaction of
| knowing
That what you did in life
| You did extremely well,
! And meets the warm approval
| Of all the demons in -