Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1885-01-09
HOLIDAY Items.

1t is an old saying that "a bird in the
hand is worth two in the bush,' and is
very applicable to holiday purchases.
The wise select their Christmas pres
ents before the stocks are cleaned; the
unwise wait until the rush, and then
take the cuttings.
During the holidays the happiest boy
in Christendom will be the one who got
sled and pair of skates on Christ
mas-if there isn't any snow or ice.
In buying Christmas presents, it is
better Tor your peace of mind to take
the first thing that strikes your fancy,
rather than to look at something else.
To hesitate is to be lost.
On Christmas day the happy urchin
of 2 will roll around on the nursery
floor, and break the yellow legs off the
purple camel, and get sick from chew
ing too hard on his green head.
1t is said that 100000 is annually
expended in Christmas cards in this
country. The Christmas card for 10
cents beats S. Christmas present all
to thunderstorm the giver' standpoint
Hartford Post.
As Christmas draws nigh this hint is
thrown out to young ladies who have
gentlemen friends-that slippers, to be
comfortable and coy, must be several
sizes larger than the boots young men
wear when they go to see their best
girls.
An old negro while walking along
the street was accidently struck with a
rotten orange, thrown by fruit deal
er. Stopping and picking up the or
ange, he held it for a moment and then
said: Huh, dis smells like Chris mas
dis smells like when was boy"
When you meet a man these days
with careworn expression on his GUS
tomarily happy face, do not misjudge
him by concluding that his business or
domestic affairs are in bad state. He
is simply wondering what on earth he
shall buy for Christmas presents this
year.
We opened our safe this week and
took out lot of Christmas jokes and
busted them off and tried to tit them in
this column, but they wouldn't fit. We
are inclined to believe they are little
warped by age. We will close them
out to some country humorist at great
bargain.
''Are you going to present your hus-
band with Christmas dressing gown"
asks the Detroit Free Press of the
ladies. Perhaps it is not pertinent,
but there are great many wives who
will present their husbands with a
Christmas dressing down if they don't
get what they want.
While counting the widow Curtis.
George Washington was approached by
the widows pretty son, who clambered
up on the good mans knee, and asked
him who sent him so many beautiful
Christmas presents the day before.
My child" said the father of his coun-
try solemnly, Il cannot tell ie-it
was Santa Claus"
''Oh, don't care whether get any
thing in my stocking or not said
Adolphus, adding. with look of indy
ing devotion: but Clara, should like
to have what is in your stockings"
'.Oh, yes," replied Clara naively, ..you
mean corns. What foolish boy"
Thus was loves young dream dispelled
and hence it is that Clara is still called
Miss"
A negro was arrested in the act of
removing fine Christmas fowl from a
corner grocery store. When asked by
the court what he had to say why he
Iesbould not be sent up, he replied: Il
81 mean ter stole it, Judge; Ole
always 'ploys me ter feel de
~-tukheys TO him ter see eff
tendar. was jess 'bligin' Marse
SO help me Lawd."
Oh, yes. dear girl, work us a motto
for present. But have some taste.
Last year girl gave Us one that read:
Honesty is the best policy and an
other damsel one that declared:
Repent. for the Kingdom of Heaven is
at hand Somehow, those didn't just
strike US pleasantly. They seemed to
be-well, you understand boston