The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-08-14
NO. 36.
Wilted Ambitions.

One day, in winter, think it was N
tho blood curdling month of January
/. conceived bright idea-it struck
me suddenly in the middle OF The
afternoon-and / set about it at Oace.
l went through all the antique dictioa-
aries, heather mythology and ancieas
spelling books in the public librariesS
and after careful research, in such
books as "Mother Goose" and "Tha
House that Jack Built" l felt that
had paid proper respect to the muses.
had courted them long enough to stf
down and be inspired; and l was, for
determined to spring pet goat upoz
my publishers. | began my task liz
orally bursting with wonder and zd-
miration at my own genius. | went
on with my work, swelling with pride
and egotism, as in my minds eye
could see Mark Twain, Josh Billing~
and all the other noted humorise<
Knocked out of time and retiring To
private life, green with envy. Surely
this goat would render me immOrtsls
l could see him galloping down to pos
terity at the rate of forty knots an
hour. My pet Goat (I spelled it with
a big G) had Just laid out his purchax-
L.
pairing to pay the same delicate attou-
ton to Mrs. Broadsdc, when was
compelled to lay down my pen and
luxurate in unstinted mirth; could
see the great reading public all over
the country, convulsed with laughter
over the playful idiosyncracies of Mr-
Broadside's pet goat, and with all tho
impatience OF genius, and yet with the
unbridled thirst of youth, linked t.
age, for applause, seized my pen and
plunged into the vortex of my joke
The goat telescoped Mrs. Broadsids
and affably scuttled the balance OF the
family; then wrote tinis, scratched It
out and substituted quanttm sufcsx,
then laid down my pen with a chuckls
of supreme satisfaction.
In the first flush of triumph, Ovur
the completion of my article, pro-
nounced it perfect; but, after care
full perusal, l discovered few errors
in the technique and some phsycolcg-
ical inaccuracies, not enough periods
and too many hyphens. After cara
fully revising, remodeling and 70
vamping, it was ready for the press
l rose up gayly in the morning Of
the day, when intended to send it OF
to the lucky publishers, singing
snatches of old biblical songs while
parting my hair in the middle 1
gathered round my family board aa&
met my nearest relations at an early
breakfast. All went merry as mar
riage bell until the arrival of the post
man; among the numerous papers,
which he left, l opened Stftssqs.
and with distended eye and paralyzed
comprehension, beheld goat hold
ing high carnival with an old geatls-
man and what there was left of the
trousers of small boy; l leaned back.
literally gasping for breath; then in .
dazed manner, opened WashingIss'
Hatchet, and-O horrors! staring Rs
in the face was goat, rampant and
occupying all the available space
around him, and what appeared to be :
the wreck of a secondhand clothing
store. Half maddened, clutched tho
third paper and with embling hands.
laid 1T open upon the table, and again
the ubiquitous goat came to the froat
playing leap frog and toss and catch
with the best baby, whose father and
mother, in the background, were IN
the act of scrambling to their feet to
fly to the rescue of their imperiled
innocent
1 could bear no more; with gasp
ing sigh l fell forward on my faces
when / came to was assisted from
the breakfast room a wiser but maddcr
man, the victim of blasted hopes and
shriveled ambition.
A year and half has elapsed slncs
then. The wound has healed, but tho
scar still remains. have had Mr.
Broadside and his ret goat ON my
hands ever since. VIII some kind
hearted editor tell me what to do with
him.-Olin Ophir, IN Chicago Sun