Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1885-02-07
WI nna Ennnr.

RAINBOW -COlGEtu carpet winch she had
ordered.
Il don't like it. p he responded.
t'Why not2 Think it is real pretty"
+That is because you have poor taste
st Is asHOOd as yours, guess, she
snapped back, with warmth
Possibly, my dear, but j don't like Il
your carpet ali the same"
"WeIl, why don't your"
Because 1t is too gaudy'
'Fudge, you must be anardent admirer /
Of plain things"
81 am, my love. That's why married /
yOu'
She said good many things which re-
gard Tor the family prevents cur publish /
ing.-HeTcb0glt TraUsler.
Herbert's mamma took him to Sunday
School the other day, and the lesson /
being on-the depraglty Of the heart, the /
teacher drew a large heart on the black
board by way Of illustration
Mamma" said Herbert, with a nudge,
''Wil she draw a spade next?'
That boy evidently knew what was
trumps HGrper's BGzar.
"And what is the name of the man
you are to bless with your hand and
heart, my dear?"
ooh, his name Is Arthur Mills"
"And how do you like him2"
ooh, he's Just the loveliest of men-a
heaven-sent prize. He's 2 trihe slow,
though"
ooh, well, never mind that You know
the mills of the gods grind slowly"
Boston Times.
Jefskins had been in business for sew
eral years on his own account, and one
day friend came along and saw new
sign up. which read, 81 ehskins & Co."
"HOW's this?" he asked of j.
That's my new sign" was the reply
Have you taken some one IN with
your"
"Yes.'
''That is the first I heard of it. It must
be a silent partner"
"Not by a darned sight"
"NO? WHO'S it?"
"My wife"
ooh, all" and the other man went his
Way.-MerchGnt Traveller.
''Aunt Jane, is it quite true that a lady
may ask a gentleman to marry her if it
is leap year?"
eyes, my dear; quite true"
"But if he don't want to marry her,
Aunt Jane, what must he do then@'
Gle must give her a new black silk
dress, my dear, and then she under
stands"
ooh! Aunt Jane! Aunt janet Now I
know why you have so many black silk
/ dresses" -The Judge.
House-hunter- house is very
nice, but it won't do for me. 1t is not
large enough.
Real Estate Agent thought you said
| you had only one child?
"True, but I forgot about my uncle.
/ He is a very rich old bachelor, and has
| promised to come und live with me-"
oh, I see now. Well, I can suit you
! exactly. Only square off have a
! house larger than this, with a big spare
room, viii viii be just the thing for d
rich uncle"
/ "Indeed!"
ayes; it faces directly north, and is
aWfully damp. Philadelphia Call.
One night while John Mccullough was
/ playing ''VirgiDius" IN Little Rock, q
/ lean old fellow from the hills, while
/ standing at the foot Of the opera house
stairs, was accosted by an acquaintance,
! who asked:
"Uncle Billy, are you going to see the
show2" ~
What sort o. a show is it, Lige?"
! Gone o. them here actin shows, Whar
/ men an women come out on a platform
an bow an scrape." H.
'FNO bosses in 1T, Lige?"
"N0 bosses; UnclezBillV."
= j.
enough o. that sort O. thing when Abe
] Spiller's school Bhet down. We've seed
all they can do. Come on here an let's
go round here Whar that fellow is playin''
q fiddle in grocery. "-4Ttd7lsal0 IT0U-
e!er.
"Well, )" he said to the minister at the
conclusion of the ceremony, chow much
do 1 owe your"
"Ohl Tu leave that TO you" was the
/ reply; ''yOu can better estimate the value
Of the service rendered.
Suppose we postpone settlement,
i then, say for year. By that time 1 viii
know whether I ought to give you 500
+ or nothing"
''No, no, said the clergyman, who is q
married man himself, "make it So now"
I-Deta0t Post.
The boy in the elevator of a Broadway
building said to passenger yesterday:
''They are playing something new at
Harrigan & Harris; Pm going up to-
/ night"
! passenger. "They are not playing any
"Why, yes they are; they're playing
the hose"
"The hose, Ell? Good play to draw
baldheads, eh?"D-N 7. Tribune.
He had an auburn-haired girl, and
promised to take her out riding. She
met him at the door when he drove up,
and he exclaimed, "HelIO ready?" She
misunderstood him, and they don't
/ speak nOW.-A0rr5st0lVB Herald.
"Look here said white woman, en-
tering the kitchen and addressing the
i colored lady who had Just been employed
i to increase the grocery bill, what are
you doing with all these women here2
only hired you"
''Tibber sho yer did"
''Then why do you bring SO many
women with your"
''Dis healh one, lady, is my daughter.
Il She come ter wait on me-"