Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-08-06
The Lime Kiln Clab.

within q .srran specified time Is .ubject to
tine
The Lime Kiln Clab.
p.Jruil Free Pres.
al hearn a sermon De odder sunday said
Brother Gardner, as he rose up and nodded
b. Samuel Stin to turn down The lamps a
littl. aud cC1uomize on ola sermon by
whit. Clergyman dat / can't make fit me
nohuw. lie lowed dat de world had grown
wicked al de rate Of 10 per cent. per var fur
de- lat I'VE ars, an incidentally announced
dat dc increase of Bibles was 100000 per
var, an lie increase OF preachers about II
per cent. He was panied To diskiver a
GROWN lethargy in de cause Of religun, but
announced dat >, So churches war built last
var. He was made sad 10 learn dat crime
was increasin' all ober de world. but fig
gered dat twenty-five evangelists had been
steadily at work seekin' 10 turn people from
dc error Of deir ways.
Il can't ist make Il out. II de world am
CROWN wicked in de face of all dat Chris
tianity am doin' dar's sunthin' wrong. h
400 new churches and 1000 new preachers
bring about feeling Of lethargy on de sub
iect of Christianity, we'd better build mo
stores and fewer churches. If Moody and
Sankey am increasin' crime instead of re-
ducin' de record, dey had better be called in.
De fack am. my friends, dar was no call
fur sich "a sermon, and no pertickler e.Tlse TO
abuse de world. True Christianity am held
in de same reverence as hundred vars ago,
but Christian hypocrisy am easier 10 see
frew. We am placed heah as free moral
agents Ii one man feels dat he can't be
saved widout a certain amount of singin' an
prayin an repsIt ace he should be allowed
his way. Ii aEoder man holds dat he kin
occupy a front seat at Dc circus widout a
crips helm charged up to him by de re-
cordin' angel. YOU has no right To pitch into
him. II religun am not matter of con-
science. what am i'll
Il want Won TO go 10 de circus, but doan'
scandalize your naybur.
II want YOU TO go 10 de theatre. but doan'
us money dat should go 10 pay an honest
debt
II want YOU 10 sing an dance, but doan'
skip Thursday evenin' prayer-mestin' TO
do H.
Il wan. YOU 10 keep your eyes open in a
hoss trade. but doan let de contribushun
box pass wiiout your dime.
Il want YOU to sympathize wild de heathen
of Africa. but keep "a little money by YOU
for de heathen in your own nayburhOod.
Let Us now purceed to attack de bizness Of
de meetin.'
UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
A few weeks since Judge Marrovfat
Thompkins. of Virginia, sat down in the
barn to write out an application for admis-
sion 10 the Lime Kiln club. A storm arose
and he vas killed. and his widow d .mandel
So 900 damages Of the club. She cGHtended
that if be had not been engaged in writing
/ the application he would have been dowr
\ cellar killing rats, and that the club was in
/ directly guilty Of his death. The mattel
was passed to the finance committee and tn,
/ chairman now announced that the ciain
\ would not H. allowed. He had received ;
\ hint that the matter could be settled for
| No. D corset, three-dollar hat and a circr
/ ticket. but be should refuse TO establish
\ precedent.
LOST AGAIN.
I The Librarian submitted his quarterly re
port, showing the number of almanac
under his charge TO be over Is, 900. and 4
cover every year since 1856. There wa
hardly an evening that the patrons OF th
library did not discuss the subject of anat
omy. and he would again recommend th
purchase of a full-sized skeleton. He woul,
prefer that Of a murderer, but wouldn't b
captious The bones Of the lawyer who de
Tended the murderer anG almost made tn
Jury believe him a very much abused angel
would till the bill.
WhalebOne Howker seconded the motion
He had a great curiosity 10 see where th
bunion made its nest and hatched il
young.
Trustee Pullback was also in favor Of tn
purchase. He wanted To locate the spO
where the cucumber colic got in its work
Elder Toots and several Others favored tn
idea. but Brother Gardner struck the tr
angle and said:
Anatomy might 90 well wild blacksmith
in or carpenter work. but | doan' see ho'
il would help whitewashin'! De matte
will be laid ON de table, an we will sin
our closin' ode an percolate homewards.n