Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1885-08-04
A snREwD DECEPTION.
THE REMARKABLE POWERS or COL
ATLANTus PiNDeRoRAss.
lArkansaw Traveier.l

Arkansaw Traveller
One day, after deep meditation, the primes
Of Orange remarked to Bentinck: ITO the
ravages Of strong drink the human system
resorts to various resistances yielding versa
tile results" This remark. although it EN-.
bodies no particular philosophy, either in
ductive, syllogistic or recorstructive, has
caused much comment
1t b true that there is q great differences
In men, concerning the power Of resistance
against the influence Of strong drink, and
although no man wholly escapes, yet some
men while struggling under the Of.
feet OF liquor, can completely de-
ceive Q beholder. There is Col Atlantis
Pindergrass, for instance. II you did moi
know. that he was drunk you would moi
think that be had been drinking. He has 9
way Of standing on the tiptoe Of such polite
meas, way Of saying such pleasant and ap
propriate things, that his intoxication i.
hidden under q bushel OF agreeableness.
The ether day Mr.. Martinhead went home
with the colonel The colonel, his wife and
Mr.. Martinhead were sitting in the parlor
whom Miss Sallie Pummel, an old
maid who had entered her 39th
volume. called. The colonel pre-
.ented his friend, and. satisfied with the
success Of his sober rretense, he leaned
back and smiled Then he began TO think
about something, and. the thought that his
two visitors hal not been presented, oc
CURED to him
-Ah, Miss Pummel, allow me to introduce
my friend, Mr. Martinhead'
ave have met" replied Miss PummeL
@Ah. l didn't know thai you were &C.
quainted'
The coloners wife cleared her throat
with Q sharp rasp of irritation. The colonel
continued: Il have thought for some time
that would like for you to become ac-
luainted, but it never occurred to me that
you were old friends"
Colonel, let me see you a moment said
Mr.. Pindergrass. drawing her husband into
An adjoining room
whats the matter with your she asked
N thing
Nothing, tine mischief You are drunk"
@Drunk." he repeated contemptuously.
Oh, Of course. A man just gets drunk on
he atmos bere.'
Then assuming an air of injured innocence
the colonel wen. on: HAS it come to thiSl
Do you want 10 insult me, What have l
dones'
.Whv, jus. look how V u acted about in
troducin--'
~Oh, &c said the colonel, with bright
ening cnan % Of countenance. 1T was my
fault-a mera matter OF .orgetfulness."
Then, starping into the parlor, the colo
mel said: Miss Puinmel, allow mo to pre-
sent Sir. Nartinhead.-
Mss Pummel AMI ale acquainted,r re-
piled Mr.. Martinhe,J'
That so, Why, let me assure you that /
didn't know it. Introducing you to an old
friend: why. that's good joke, haw haw-
. capital joke. he, he. Wife, let ME see you
a minute"
you've got me into pretty fix said the
colonel, when his wife had followed him into
the adjoining room. Told me those folks
wcs not acquainted You ought to be par
ticular about such things
sYou ought to be killed." his wife indig-
nantly snapped.
"What have doneT
you good-for-nothing thing. you have
made yourself ridiculous. You are the most
despicable man ever saw
an be confounded if can understand
YOU"
~You are too drunk to understand any
thing, You brute"
'Look here, I am tired of being insulted."
Tho colonel wheeled around and went back
into the parlor, where he proceeded to make
himself agreeable and to disguise the fac;
that lie had been drinking anything.
~Why,' he said, show many surprises
there arc in store for us. We meet people every
day, and then, when we least expect it. they
surprise us. Why. if any one had told me.
Martinhead, that you had gone to school
to Miss Pummel, would not have believed
it.n
He didn't 60 to school to me-" snapped
Miss Pummsl
"Ah. that was my understanding. Oh,
il was you who went to school to Martin
head
NO sir" interposed Martinheai.
"Oh. you simply went to school together.
Yes. l got it mixei, bu. not much Il do
like t, see OLD friend maet each other. Lots
see, I've known Martinhead for ten years,
Miss Pummel. but net until today did
know that he WAS an old friend of yours
no, not until to-day
Mr.. Martinhea1 plea ling the sudden rec
objection Of urgent business, with irew, AMI
Miss Pummei not desiring to remain after
her old frien had gone, soon took her leav,
The colonel. not long afterwari tumblsl
into bel When he awoi;e next IN ,rnin, n,
nothing except that he had de-
ceived his wife.
"A man wanted me to take a drink with
him yesterday, but wouldn't do it." said
he
His wife did not reply
by the way, our frieni Martinhe1d
would have come home with me yesterday
but couldn't get of"
Yes some men have a way Of colcealins
the fact that they are drunk