The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-08-20
THE MERRY SIDE!


q regular son-flower
Perhaps President Cleveland thought this a
| good time to weed out Mullen.
The papers speak of Maxwell, the Trunk
Murderer" He must have been baggage mas
| ter.
The most discouraged creatures this year are
the potato bugs. They could not "phase" the
great crop.
We do not like to speak of "the heated term.
The one used by suffering humanity is not al
ways polite.
| Secretary Bayard is going to read ten thou
| sand applications for office, during his vaca-
tion-while he is resting.
George Story, of Cincinnati, attempted to leap
from one moving train TO another. But that
Story cut short.
The Worsted Mills of Providence have shut
down. They were worsted in the battle with
Democratic times.
President Cleveland has ''taken to the woods
for the Summer. We were afraid the poor man
would be driven to it.
D. Tucker, of Cumberland, Ohio, was prostra-
CeQ Dy the neat. Inc next Time ne Will 'SeI
out of the way Ole Dan Tucker"
The trouble with many office seeker is that
"when the clouds roll by" he is left standing
out in the heat and glare of the sun.
A dispatch to the dailies says Hendricks re-
fuses to talk politics." The old gentleman
must have had stroke of paralysis.
-
The difference. Grant said sslxeeD VOur hOrS-
es." That eminent Democrat, John Morgan,
said "steal 'em, boys, steal 'em!"
A Gallia County man said on his death-bed
that he chad to die but it was ID hard"
But probably not as hard as he had lived.
The trouble with jeff. Davis is that the car of
progress rushed away, many years ago, and left
jeff standing at little station down in Missis-
sippi.
An old lady in Logan was choked to death by
swallowing her false teeth. This is worse than
the case of the man who chewed his words
The Com. Gaz. is laboring to prove that DR..
Leonard drank ale at camp-meeting. Can't
q man take dose of medicine? What ale's
you, anyway?
When you read in a Democratic paper a wall
about "the bloody Shirt just set it down that
that editor wore butternut-pin during the
war;
Gov. Knott has ordered out the militia in
Kentucky, to suppress the lawlessness in Row
an County. If the killing is not stopped, the
Gov. fears the Democratic majority will disap-
pear.
Grants old war-horse died over at Charleston
West Virginia few days ago. That old war
horse will be dying about once month now
for the next twenty years.
The Democratic papers love to tell of Grants
mercy to Lees army of Democrats. They're
really glad those fellows were not hung. This
joy comes of study of the inner conscience.
A Xenia woman fell in love with travelling
Indian named "Red Wild Cat," and left her
husband and Joined the brave. Her husband
now signs ''Lo, the Poor Indian!'
Rev. Sam Jones says he ''never saw camp
meeting with a hotel and a toll-gate, until he
came North.'' Then Sam never knew how to
make money in the name of the Lord.
When the agent of the benevolent society
presents the poor Indian with plow, and the
latter trades it for pint of whisky, what have
we to hope, from the work of civilization?
An old saying is that "lawyers are what their
clients want them to be.' Not always Their
clients want them to be always successful, and
sometimes they are not.
A boy in Ruthland Township, Meigs County,
claims to have killed forty-one ground-hogs
since April. It's bad boy who wood-chuck
such story as that before the public.
John Reilly, of Bridgeport, Ct, played cow
boy by holding revolver to his mouth and
swapping it-the revolver we mean. After
swapping it the third time he laid right down
and died.
w. T. Mills, of Wooster, has challenged
Thomas McDougall, of Cincinnati, to debate
the Prohibition question. Go in, gentleman
the people will give you plenty of room.
-
If any young Minister has an ambition to
become famous a Missionary, there are sew
era1 vacancies over in China They have just
slaughtered ten thousand Christians there.
II. "
ga Democrat can not buy fifteen cent pair
of cotton socks without studying its political
efect."-Gallipolis Journal
Oh you want him to study the sanitary eff
feet, do you?
In the contest between Evangelist Munger
and the bass-drum of his next door neighbor, at
Washin gton c. H, Munger victorious. He
declares that "all hell cannot suppress him."
therefore 1t is useless for bass. drum to at
tempt it.
The telegraph announces that "the Govern
of New York has refused to commute the
sentence of J. Horace Jones'" That's right,
Governor! A who signs his name that
way ought TO be hung.
Fred Maneclze, of Fostoria, took a very nice
big gulp of gin, in the dark. 1t proved to be
corrosive sublimate, and the work of the doctor
in pumping him out also approached sublimi-
ty.
Mr.. D. a. Pangburn, of Indiana, died and was
laid out, when he solemnly called for drink
of water. Afterwards he died again, but before
they got him buried he came to, and is going to
get well. They're not going to bury him now
until he says he's dead.
1t is said that Ben. Butler has placed his
yacht-the old, re-modeled "America"-in rae
ing trim, and will give her test of speed short
ly. Ben. ought to get on board and sail over
the Presidential course. 1t would be better
than footing it, as he did before.
The Democratic papers are Dragging upon the
beauty of Hoadly's proclamation upon the
ueaIn OF 0rant. buI the UoNernof LOOK more
time to prepare it than any other public Of
fetal. He came near not getting it out at all.
To prove that petitions don't amount to any
thing, Texas lawyer presented in open Court
petition signed by all the County officers and
a large member of relatives of the victim of the
joke, praying for the hanging of one of the best
citizens of the County.
The Gallipolis Bulletin is grieved because the
Methodist Church and the Republican party do
not admire each other This is not fit subject
for political discussion, but suppose, Mr.. Bull
letin, you go out and poll the first Methodist
Church you come to. The result will remove
all fears.
How easily hopes blasted, sometimes A
man was training what he supposed to be a fast