davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
WOKE UP THE WRONG PARROT.

Funeral fact and funeral fancy are
subjects prolific of good stories, but we
have rarely met with a better one than
the following, which is vouched for as a
story of fact AT Boston funeral not
long ago, the clergyman was dilating
upon the many virtues of the. departed.
As il happened there was much justifi-
cation for il, as the deceased was a man
of large heart and many merits; yet the
clergyman, probably, feeling free to let
his fervor of language play unrestrained,
almost outdld his theme. Not content
with couching his praise in simple and
straightforward words he mounted to
imagery and seemed to attribute angelic
as well as human characteristics. When
at the climax of his eloquence, his hear
ers charmed with the sweet incense, the
spell was broken by shrill voice, which
cried out:
"Facts, facts, give lis facts?"
The sensible comment came from a
sage and venerable parrot which had
been removed to an ante-room and then
it was remembered that prominent
among the virtues of the deceased mas
ter was sturdy dislike for fattery and
a habit of sharply rebuking 'highfulin." :"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

-Shiloh's Vitalizer is what you need
for Constipation, Loss of Appetite, Dir
ziness' and all symptoms of Dyspepsia.
Price 10 and 75 cents per bottle. Sold
by W. L. Biery, Weissport, DR., c. 7.
Horn Lehighton.
Group, Whooping Cough and Bron-
chitis Immediately relieved by Shiloh
Cure Sold by w. F. Biery Weissport,
DIR. C. T. Horn Lehighton.
THAT hacking Cough and can be SO
quickly cure by Shiloh's Cure. We
guarantee it. Sold by b. f. Biery Weiss.
port, DR.. G. T, Horn, Lohighton.
VIII you suffer with dyspepsia and
liver complaint? Shiloh's Vitalizer is
guaranteed to cure you. Sold by W. F.
Biery, Weissport, DIR, c. T. Horn, Le-
highton.
-Sleepless nights, made miserable by
that terrible cough. Shiloh's Cure is
the remedy for you. Sold by W. F.
Biery, ---eissport, C. T. Horn, Lehigh.
ton.
-Catarrh cured, health and sweet
breath secured, by Shiloh's Catarrh
Remedy, Price so cents. Nasal iniec-
tors free, Sold by w. T. Biery, --eiss-
port, c. T. Horn, Lehighton.
For lame back, side or chest, use
Shiloh's Porous Plaster. Price % cents.
Sold by w. +. Biery Weissport, DR..
c. T. Horn Lehighton.
--Shiloh's Cough and Consumption
Cure is sold by US on a guarantee. II
cures Consumption. Sold by W. T.
| Biery --eissport, G.. T. Horn Lehighton
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
ILLUSTRATING A PRAYER.

A good deacon in an old-fashioned
New England town was terribly eXer-
cised over the conduct of son of his,
who showed a disinclination to walk in
the straight and narrow path prescribed
by the strictest rules of orthodoxy This
recalcitrant youth displayed a fondness
for social gatherings, and would rather
"go home" with a pretty girl Six nights
in the week then devote a single evening
10 a careful study of his Sunday school
lesson. Finally the climax Of his trans
gressions was reached, and at the prayer
meeting that week the unhappy father
took occasion TO make his family
troubles the subject of a fervent petition
to the throne OF grace.
"Thou llnowest, O Lord" he said
chow that son OF mine has transgressed
Thy ways and brought sorrow to the
heart of Thy servant, who has tried TO
bring mp his son in the way he should
go. Thou knowest how he prefers apple
parin's and huskin' bees and sich TO the
means of the grace. And now, O Lord,
he has gone beyond all bonds, for did
not Thy servant hear his unsaved son
60 riding through the streets of the vii
lage to-day whistling this ungodly tune
-
At this point, TO the utter surprise
and Generalization of the scandalized
bretheren and sisters, and to the intense
delight of the irreyerent youth who were
present, the conscientious deacon
whistled, with realistic eXactitude, the
well known strains of Yankee Doodle, -
and then preceded with his prayer.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
A "H0ss" TRADE UPSET BY A PREV
GUS" WOMAN.


A Fairfield man who is somewhat
addicted to trafiicking has poor
opinion of women as aids in these
matters. 1t happened thus; Upon a
recent beautiful Sabbath, when the sun
shone bright and warm upon the glitter
ing snow, worn by frequent hoof-beats
into fine road, the tinkling of the
merry sleigh bells rang out enticingly
upon the winter air, the gentleman
invited his much better-half to join the
merry throng. Harvesting his horse
they strated for Waterville, and pass ng
through the village they found them
selves upon the plains blow. Now it so
happened that this gentleman swapped
horse once with a Frenchman living
there and, notwithstanding the sacred
ness of the day, the ruling passion
seized upon him and lie essayed to trade.
He expatiated upon the virtues of the
horse and said that he had owned him
three months. At this point his better
half broke in with "you have owned
him more than eightr' He gave her a
nudge with his elbow and proceed. 81
would not sell him." he said, but
expect to go on an extended tour in a
few weeks" ooh, Ben" said the
wife, in horrid accents, ''you amt going
away, either" That settled it. Slowly
and sadly the horse was pulled into the
road and pointed for home, while crimi'
nations and recriminations were the
order of the day. The journey home
was not so joyous as the start, and it is
settled fact that when that gentleman
contemplates horse trade he will leave
his wife at home.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
ANOTHER Love MATCH.

$50 this is your sole business with me
to-day, young sir?" said the wealthy
banker, in not very promising tone.
Surely that young barrister had been
wildly presWmptuous when he, with his
moderate income, his trifling practice,
had come to ask the banker for the hand
of his only daughter.
The young mans face flushed hotly,
but he kept his self-command, replying
| with admirable coolness,-
"This is my sole business with you
to-day, Mr., Forester. have come to
you, hoping for the consideration which
man should show to man, Independent
of position, social difference, the world 5
opinion, or anything outside this one
fact. l, with all the force of my man
hood, love your daughter, and ask your
permission to go to her and tell her Of it.
You have not answered me yet, sir"
"Oh, it won't take me long to do
that" the bankers tone was rather
ironical, 81 have but one daughter,
and-I have very different plans for her
future. You understand me-"
81 cannot fail to do So" The young
mans face was white now, and had a
little sternness in it. 'May I ask
whether you speak in this manner solely
because you know / am not wealthy!
Would you speak differently were /
well, not a struggling barrister?''
"Oh, have no personal objection to
you," said Mr.. Forester carelessly
playing with a paper knife on the table
beside him; a costly toy OF ivory ant
gold, one of tho curiosties brought by
him from Egypt some years before.
"You do me no justice, l am conf
dent" Dick Alyon pursued, a sort o
dignity in his fine, blonde face. "Yol
understand fully that Miss Forester
position, your own reputed wealth, hay,
had nothing to do with this interview
l have hesitated to speak because o
them; but | fancied that even l, poo
and obscure as / am, had the right I,
make a trial for the happiness l crayed
l have come to you solely as a man
Mr.. Forester, hoping to find in you tn
sympathy of a man for man, eastin
aside for the moment all other consider
ations."
"That Is quite sufficient, SIR Tn
banker spoke indiferently, still playini
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
MY MINDE TO ME A KINGDOM Is.



My minde to me kingdom is.
Such perfect joy therein flnde
As fare exceeds all earthly bllsse
That God or Nature hath assignde;
Though much l want, that most would have
Yet still my minde forbds to crave.
Content live; this is my stay
1 seek no more than may suffice,
prease to beare no haughties way
Look, what lack my minde supplies
Loe thus l triumph like king,
Content with that my minde doth bring.
see how plentle surfets oft,
And haste clymbers soonest fall;
sec that such as sit aloft
Mishap doth threaten most Of all,
These get with tole, and keepe with feare;
Such cares my mindo could never beare.
No princely pompe nor wealthie store,
No force to win the yictorle,
No wylie wit to salye a sore,
No shape TO win lovers eye
TO none of these yield as thrall:
For why, my minde despiseth all.
Some have too much, yet still they crave;
little have, yet seek no more,
They are but p0ore, though much they havt
And l am rich with little store,
They poor, l rich; they beg, give;
They lacke, l lend; they pine, live.
I laugh not at another's losse,
| grudge not at another's game;
No worldly wave my minde can tosse;
| brooke that is anOthpr's baup
l feare no foe, nor fawne on frieud
lothe not life, nor dread mine end
joy not in no earthly blsse:
weigh not Croesus' wealth straw;
For care. care not what II Isl
| feare not fortunes fatal law:
My mlnde is such as may not move
For beautie bright, or force OF love.
l wish but what have at will;
wander not TO seek for more:
like the plaine, cline no hill
In greater storms sit on shore,
And laugh at them that toile in yaine
To get what must be lost againe.
kiss not where wish to kill;
feigne not love where most haste;
breake no sleepe to win my will;
l wayte not at The mighties gate,
! scorne no poOre, feare no rich;
feele no want, nor have too much
The court ne cart l like ne loath,-
EXtreames are counted worst of all;
The golden moane betwiXt them both
Dost Surest sit and feSres no fall,
This is my choyce; for why, fndc
No wealth is like a quiet mlnde.
My wealth is health and perfect easei
My conscience clerc my chiefe defence;
Ineyer seoke by brlbes to please,
Nor by desert TO give offence.
Thus do live, thus will / die;
Would al did so rs well as /!
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

There are medicines which give only
temporary relief and then leave the suf-
ferer worse off than before, especially in
cases of dyspepsia. Remember that 1t
is not that way with Browns Iron Bit
ters. See what Mr.. j. NJ. Gaines, of
Gaines, S. c., says about this prince OF
tonics, MY wife has been greatly hcne-
fitted by it: she had been troubled with
dyspepsia for years. and now l believe
she is permanently cured" 1t also
cures liver and kidney complaints.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

Queer reading would be the history OF
names. We cannot, however, go into
the subject now, except as far as to say
that DR.. Kennedy's "Fayorite Remedy"
was called by that name, in an informal
fashion, long before the doctor dreamed
of advertising it for public use. Speak
ing of it he would say to his patients
"This is my favorite remedy for all
troubles Of the blood, &c.," and its sue
cess was so great that he finally spelled
the word with capital letters.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

Mr.. Geo. V. Willing, of Manchester,
Mich, writes: my wife has been
almost helpless for five years, so helpless
that she could not turn over in bed
alone, She used two bottles of Electric
Bittcrs, and is so much improved, that
she is able now TO do her own work.
Electric Bitters will do all that is
claimed for them. Hundreds Of testi-
monials attest their great curative
powers. Only fifty cents bottle by
I. d. Thomas.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

Straight whiskles make crooked
roads.
Down in front--the young mans
moustache.
Those who employ a plumber must
pay the piper.
"A cent vat you find vas more worth
as two vat you lcse.
--Whilei is NANCY mongrel like pig2
Because he's a poor cur.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
Rncklan,s Arnina salve.

The best salye in the world for cuts,
bruises. sores, ulcers, salt rhuem, fever
sores, letter, chapped hands, chilblands,
corns, and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles or no pay required.
It is guaranteed to give perfect satsfac-
ton, ormoney refunded. Price % cents
per box,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

PA, how funny this looks in this
paper The printer has got the words
all mixed up, so there is no sense in it."
mo, no, my child That is a wpoem
bY IennYson.n
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

An Oakland obituary notice referred
TO a deceased citizen as having gone 10
a happier home" The widow is about
bringing a libel suit, These Oakland
Tomsn are po smart fo- anything.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

When young woman marries a
man for his money, would It be proper
to say that the man has married his
"hired girl?"
The young couple who before mar
riage thought they would live on love
are now living on corn bread and hom-
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

Reading maketh a full man." says
Bacon. Curious that the libraries are
not patroni2ed more.
The lad was blowing bubbles when
he accidentally swallowed some of the
soapsuds, and that made buh i'll.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
FYrst: m nnrines the blood.

What you don't know about men
oftentimes makes them respectable.
"A dudes trousers beat breach of
contract all to pieces. They are breeches
of contract.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

1t is no indication that cat knows
the value of money, simply because It
always carries its purrs with 1t.
"A genius has invented steel knives
which will cut cold iron. Now board
ing-house beefsteak must Yield.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

The sure effects of Ayers Sarsapa-
rilla are thorough and permanent, If
there is a lurking taint Of scrofula
about you. Ayers SarsapariAa will dis
lodge it, and expel it from your system,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
AYERS
Hair rVigOr

restores, with the gloss aud freshness OF
youth, faded or gray hair to a natural, rich
brown color, or deep black, as may be desired.
BY its use light or red hair may be darkened,
thin hair thiokcuod and badness often,
though not always, cured.
1t checks falling of the hair. and stlmu-
lates a weak and siekly growth TO vigor. 1t
prevents and cures scurf and dandruh, and
heals nearly every disease peculiar 10 the
scalp. "a n Ladies' Hair Dressing, the
YIaoR is unequalled; it contains neither oil
nor dye, renders the hair soft, glossy, and
sllkon IN appearance, ana imparts delicate,
agreeable, and lasting perfume.
Mn. C. p. RRrcuER writes from KIRBY o.,
JtiB %, 1Hs9 " las. fall my hiiir commenced
falling out, aud in n short time became
nearly bald. | used part OF BEETLE 81
AYER's HAIR NtGoR, which stopped tho fall
ing OF the hair, and started new growth.
have now full head Of hair growing vigog-
ously. and am convinced that but Tor tho
use OF Your preparation ] should nave beei
entirely bald"
J.w, bowen, proprietor OF the MeArthar
(Ohioj Enquirer, says " AYERS HAIR NIGOR
is a most excellent preparation for the hair.
] speak Of il from my own experience. us
use promotes the growth ol new hair, amt
makes IL glossy and soft. The NiooR Is alsb
"a ruAN NAAN AFl h'AAt'tA H'ff .fNfN -
knowledge has the preparation ever faileI
TO give entire satisfaction
MIR ANGUs FAmBAtnN, lender of tho
celebrated Fal,bllrn Famiiy" cf Scottish
Nocalstg, writes from BOSTON, Mass, feb. g,
1850 Z" Ever since my hair began 70 gipe sll-
very evidence Of the Change Which lNthg
time ppocureth, have used AYERS HAIR
NIGpi, anil 50 have been able 20 maintain
an appearance Of yOuthfumess "a natter ot
/ considerable consequence 20 ministers. ora
tors actors. and m fact every one wig ..v,a
ln tho eyes OF tho public"
Mrs. q. A. PREsgorr, writing from IL E'm
I s., Chtrics'oA'H, Mass, Aprii H. ltt2, says
"rwo years ngo about two-thirds OF NY hhtr
came on. II thinued worry rapidly, nild WAA
fast growing bald. On using AYtu's liAin
NtGDu the falling stopped aud n new GraWtl
commenced, ani I'M about n month my need
WAS completely covered with short hair. lt
has continued b grow and Is nov rs good -
before il fell. ! regularly used but nue h'ti .
of the NiGnR, but nov use II occasionally as
6 dressing
We have hundreds Of similar testimonial :
10 the efficacy OF AYERS HAIR Ni0on. "a
needs but a trial 20 convince the most sAeptF
cal OF It's value.
PREPARED ny
Or. &c. Aver & Co., Lowell. Mass
Sold by all Druggists.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

1t used to be death to counterfeit the
coin of the realm, yet for ages past the
moon has been putting out new quarters
every month.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

Never neglect a constipated condition
of the bowels, or serious results will
surely follow, such as piles, impure
blood, and many chronic complaints.
Burdock's Blood Bitters.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

THREE ETFECTs.--The thousands OF
remarkable cures which have been ac-
complished by Hoods Sarsaparilla are
due simply to three effects which this
great medicine has upon those who
take It:
First: 1t purifies the blood.
Second: 1t strengthens the system.
Third: 1t gives healthy action to the
digestive organs.
With these three effects no disease
can long retain its hold. 1t is forced to
leave the system, giving place to health
and strength, through the potent in
fuence of Hoods Sarsaparilla, Sold by
all druggists. Try it.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13
Advertising Rates.

We desire It to be distinctly understood
Nat no advertisements will be inserted in
The columns of THE Carbon ADVOCATE that
may be received from unknown parties or
arms unless accompanied by the CASH
The following are our ONLY terms:
ONE SQUARE no LINEs),
DRe year, each nsertion.,.............. 10 cts
hx months. each insertion "....... 10 cts
rhroo months, each insertion ......... 20 cts
Less than three months, first insertion
81 each subsequent insertion....." 20 CTS
Local notices 10 cents per line.
af II. v. MORTIMER, jr., Publisher
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-06-13

--'What viii be the drink of the fu-
ture?' asks Mr., Moody. There will
doubtless be many drinks, among which
whisky will loom up prominently.
The Mineral argus. [volume] (Maiden, Mont.) 1883-1886, 1885-09-10

Among the congratulatory letters
received by Oliver Wendal Holmes
on his 10Th birthday, Saturday, Aug.
goth, was the following peculiarly
neat one:
My Dear Holmes; Amidst the thanks
and congratulations of thy birthday !
hope the kindly remembrance of thy
old friend will be welcome. My
father used to tell Ola poor innocent in
his neighborhood who, whenever he
met HIM. would fall to laughing, cry
ing and dancing. Il can't help it, sir.
| can't help it, I'm SO glad yon and
are alive And /, like the poor
fellow, cant help telling thee that |
am glad that thee and | are alive.
Glad that thy hand has lost none of
its cunning and Thy pen is still busy,
and say in The words of Solomon of
old, "Rejoice, O young man. in thy
youth, and let thy heart cheer thee in
The days OF thy youth" But don't
exult over The seniors who have not
found ,he elixir of life and are growing
old and past their usefulness. have
just got back from The hills and am tired,
and a pile of unanswered letters are
before me this morning. so can only
say God bless thee. Ever thy aiiec
tomato friend,
IoHN G.. WHITTIER.
The Mineral argus. [volume] (Maiden, Mont.) 1883-1886, 1885-09-10
Aontana Pioneers.

At the meeting Of the Montana
Pioneers held at Helena, August 2Sth.
1885, it was unanimously voted that
each one who had signed the roll Of
Pioneers and every one entitled so to
do should be requested to furnish the
corresponding secretary, during the
coming year, a brief sketch Of their
lives, for the purpose Of making up Il
Pioneers Record similar To that Of
California and that all the newspapers
Of Montana be requested 10 publish
this notice for three months and aid
the accomplishment Of this enterprise.
The sketch should contain at least
the date and place of birth, the date,
route and means of conveyance in
coming To Montana, places Of residence
since coming, occupation and most
important events during such resi-
dence with any additional matters rs
the writer may wish to make.
Many Of the pioneers are dead, and
il is earnestly desired that some friend
of each may supply the record for
such an one.
CORNELIUS Hedges, Cor. Sec.
HELENA, August Goth, 1880.
The Mineral argus. [volume] (Maiden, Mont.) 1883-1886, 1885-09-10
MONTANA ITEMS.

The membership of the Society of
,he Montana Pioneers exceeds $40.
Confidence men worked a Livingston
yreenv out of SlGo, on the old check
racket on the y. +. road last week.
The Helena Knight Templers will
enjoy field encampment Of two days
at Elliston, on the 18th and 19lh inst.
Up. smith, democrat, was elected
MAYOR Of Missoula on the 2id ult.
The election was To fill the vacancy
made by the resignation Of 7. G..
Marshall.
Two barriers are Mt present occupy
ing the Office Of chief executive in two
of the principal cities Of the territory,
viz: Mayor sullivan, of Helena. and
Mayor smith, Of Mi,soula.
The next meeting of the Montana
stock Growers Association will he held
in Miles City, in April. At their recent
meeting, in Helena. $5o,000,o0O.G
were represented by active members
William Lawrence, who was convict
cd some two years ago, in Custer count,
for stealing sheep, was the subject o
Gov. Hausers first pardon. 1t is nov
claimed the sheep in question wer,
never stolen, but strayed, and Law
renee has been wrongfully imprisoned
One, jackson, an ex-convict, and w
F. Gordon, attempted to hold up thu
Marysville stage few days ago. Cor
don gave the scheme away and TIVE
deputy sheriils were on hand and cap
tured both parties. jackson will &c
another pcnitentiary term, while Gor
don will probably he released for as
ssting in frustrating the success G
che robbery.
The Mineral argus. [volume] (Maiden, Mont.) 1883-1886, 1885-09-10
JoHN G.. WHITTIER.


Detroit free Press.l
IL am going down town." said a
citizen ON a Woodward avenue car.
80 return lost wallet 10 its owner
Eveey man in the car pricked up his
ears, and one of them moved up
closer and inquired:
"You found wallet, eh?'
"Yes, sir"
''On the street? p
"Yes."
''ln ihe daytime :"
No; at night"
anybody see you pick it up?"
Not a soul"
And you would i,ave been per-
ieciIy safe in keeping it?'
Il would"
well, sir, let me shake hands with
you. | have wanted 10 live long
enough to find an honest man, and
have found him"
They shook.
Many OF the passengers were visibly
affected.
"And how much money was IN the
walie,:?' guer:ed the interrosater, aftel
wiping his eyes on plnk-bordereo
handkerchief.
Not blamed cent?"
The curtin weni down, and the
audience filed out.