The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-02-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

we suspect the manager cut oOWn It's
salary. When the liver refuses to act.
the drama of Life can't 90 on very
successfully Norristown Herald.
Doctor" said the grateful patient.
seizing the physician hand, 81 shall
never forget that to You owe my life.
''iou exaggerate," said the doctor.
mildly, ''you only owe me for fifteen
visits; that is the point which | hope
you will not fail to remember"
Telephones have been placed in the
halls of the Idaho Legislature. II
caves the necessity of sending out the
sergeant alarms TO bring in the absent
members. They can now play poker
in. the committee rooms till the very
moment of calling the yeas and nays.
What is economy asks the Phila-
delphia North Anasrtcan Wen tell
you. 1t il, paving ~ cents for cigar.
aud compelling your wife to turn her
last season. dress to make it do for an-
other winter. The country is fairly
bulging with such economy. Norris
tolcn Herald.
Does the shining steel blade which
! hold in nv hand cause excruciating
pain?' inquired an Oil City barber.
"What?' 81 asked il the razor hurt
you" is it razor?" ''Of course it
is. Why?" Il thought it was a saw.
but if yau are sure it is razor 60
ahead. oil tify Llig=ard
They reproanh an aged millionaire
with his miserly practices. Here You
are, q wealthy man. and vet You put
out Your ash-barrel every day with
your own hands. to save few miser-
able sous!'s You are right: it is hard
ly the thing for man in my position
to do. Hereafter I'll make my wife do
it."-Paris Paper.
They were talking over an aged
millionaire who had on several occa-
sions given his heirs high hopes-high
hopes always dashed by his recovery.
..Curious how long the old man lasts"
says somebody, rehectively; especially
when you consider that for the last ten
years he has had one foot in the grave.
Eyes; bat then, you see, every now and
then he changes the foot! French
Wit.
A slim youth. accompanied by pug
dog and chain attachment, met a young
lady ON Fifth avenue whom he knew.
He walked by her side until her resid
ence was gained. when she invited him
In. ..Aw-thawnks awfully; much
pleased, I'm suah," he said; .sbu -er
the dog, v know" 'Oh, the dog
won't make the slightest difference.
Dear little fellow! Mamma will be
glad to see you both. ."-Ne,o York Sasa.
The lady of the house was hand
some woman of a mature order of
beauty, and when she had completed
her toilet she gazed fondly at herself in
the glass, and remarked to her new
maid: You'd give a good deal to be
rs good looking as l am, wouldn't you,
nowe" "Yes'm; almost as much as
you would give to be as young as
I am" 1t is not believed that this
spigrammatic young woman will be
chosen again at the expiration of her
present term.-iafs Paper.
Look here!' called man, pressing
his face against the CRATES of the city
prison, and addressing policeman
who stood outside. ..Well?" What
was l put in here for. anyway" You'll
find out when the Police Court meets.
''Podner. / am very sensitive man,
and the thought that | have committed
a crime haunts me. just tell you
what's fact. | can't stand it. What
did fdo?" well, if you must know,
you got drunk and shot man." ''Oh,
is that all? | was afraid that had in
suited some one. Much obliged. =
ArkanSdW 1raJeier.
How dear to my heart is sack made
of seal-skin. A garment adapted to
keep out the cold! '1is not like the
Jersey, that fits like an eelskin; lis
loose, graceful, easy and fair to behold.
How smooth and how glossy! Its
beauty enchants me; what garment SO
lovely when worn by belle Both
waking and sleeping its poetry haunts
Ine; The sack made of sealskin that fits
me so well. The sack made of sealskin
of smooth, glossy sealskiu. The
beautiful sealskin that fits me so we'll
,-LousH Cour.er.
what aincomprehensibleM Mirandy's $
got to be sence she went to thur
.'cademy.h remarked Mrs. Homespun
to her husband. WV, wot's the gal
been doin' now ?' asked Daniel.
''Doins!" exclaimed Mrs. Homespuu,
t'W she said she must go TO her room
to disrobe, as she wished to retire
early" ''Dsrobe and retire?" muir
INJURED Daniel, '.wot's them, map II
ASPAASN hin. Out ohC dtein oO
nothin' o the sort. She only undressed
and went to bed. Did We ever hear o.
sich evarication?n- -Presbuferian Ban
1er.
college boys are no respecters Of
persons. said a gentleman who lives
at Princeton yesterday. when Pres
adent Arthur took his son Allan to
Princeton the CHief Magistrate was
called on by the boys for a speech. Ht.
responded, and in conclusion remarked
with a great deal OF feeling that he was
about to centide to their care what was
to him the dearest thing on earth The
words were scarcely out of his mouth
when one of the youths rose and sung
out in stentorian tones; Three cheers
for the thing. ''-Ihitadelphia Press.
snow, Maria" remarked Simpkins,
rs he pulled off his boots last evening,
''times is gittin' burned hard, an we've
got to economize. guess you better
try and git along without that new
black dress you was talkin' about, and
fix over your last winters hat. | guess
you can worry along that way all
right. We've got to fix it some how or
other to cut down expenses, or l don't t
see how I'm to buy cigars, an as for
whisky, why, don't get mOre'n four
or five drinks a day as it is. Remem-
Der, Maria, economy is wealth. ."-OJ
City Blizzard.
Senator Coggcshall, of Watertown,
who has just returned from Florida,
carries of the palm in the fish stories.
81 went out fishing on Balder Creek"
he says, 1.-THE night after l arrived in
Florida. We put big light on the
bow of the boat and padded slowly
down stream. You may hang me il
she fish didn't crowd up to that light so
thick that some of them had to Jump
out of water to find room in which 10
move. Enough jumped into the boat
to make a good breakfast Senator
Lansing, who heard this tale, said the
fish were probably like men who would
believe the story-suckers. Gath.
'.Have you ever seen that train of
white cars that makes the fast mail
train from Chicago?' the engineer,