Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-12-10

man namei Macbeth. afterw ward trisd and
/ executed for numbering sleep"
/ You've CLERGYMAN Two pints of rum,
Y two quarts Of hot water, teacup of sugar
and lemon. Crate in nutmeg, stir thor
oughly and drink while warm.
PoET.-You are right. The lines
so live that when thy summons come,
/ To join the innlmerable caravan whicn
moves etc,
were a dual production. The summons
part is from the gif'ei pen of a New York
churchman who changed his resi1encs in
the directory three times to escape credit
ors and jury duty, while the caravan busi-
ness was written W by Daniel Rice, of
Pennsylvania, who al ways possesses an in
Vulnerable caravan ald circus Than. A
lopsis was young man employed as edi-
torial speller by Mr.. Daniel Bryant. Of The
Evening Post.
ARTEnUs WRITES HIS OWN BIOGRAPHY
frienl OF mine. Mr.. Charles Browne II
Fort Plain, shows me this letter from Arte-
mus Ward, written in 1864, wherein he
writes E;s own biography. give it from
the original manuscript:
WATERFORD, Oxford county, Me.
June 3, 1854
My DEAR SIR: There is nothing very re-
markabe in my history. / was born in
this little town about twenty-five years
ago. NV father died when | was IL years
old, and at the age Of 13 ! entered print
ing otice at Lancaster, " ii. Ny father
was magistrate and a lumber merchant
a clear headed and thoroughly honest man:
so competent in his business as to be con-
suited on all kinds Of law questions, and SO
honest that he invariably had his hands
fuu OF business involving large sums of
money. i fear he was q little too honest
Tor he died poor after all. / ran away from
the once at Lancaster and entered similar
establishment at Norway, this state. This
oIlce failed, and roamed through the state,
setting type short time at one place and
then quietly running away TO another Rum
ning away appeared TO have been my chief
weakness at that time But i finally landed
IN Boston and steadily worked at my trade
until / was declared a tolerably good print
er. then went west and south, and for
two years led a peripatetic kind Cf life. i
commenced writing for a paper in Toledo,
u, about teE years ago j succeeded as a
paragraphist we'll enough TO achieve n very
good local reputation. and moved 10 Cleve-
land AMI took charge Of the city depart
ment OF Ihs Plain Dealer newspaper. 1
nere commenced the Artemus Ward papers
The selection Of that nom de plume was
purely accidental. / wrote the first ON a
local subjsct, not supposlng / should write
another. Somehow, l dol't know how, the
nams Ward entered my head an used it.
Some five years ago | moved To New York
and assumed the editorial conduct ot Van
lty Fair, succeeding Mr.. Charles g. Leland.
For the pass four years / have lecture1 al
fl-Izf .,,1 hot -
perhaps unsqualed, considering what IA
startling innovation 1 have made upon a
long-established institution. Ny writings
and lecturing have given me a competency.
have liberal offer to go 10 England this
fall, on lecturiug tour ami / may accept
am writing now book OF travels, giving
my experiences among the Mormons, etc.
1--we IN New York city, although / spend
portion OF my summers hers with my
mother
That is about all l have only drifted
with the current which, somehow, has car
ried me gaily ON. Of its own accord. And
as i am frank enough 70 say this, l hope l
have always meant the creatures of my
burlesques should stab Error aud give
Right friendly push. You are at liberty
to use these facts, although my letter is
necessarily written in great hurry. for
am extremely busy. / am popularity sup
posed to be ''rusticating' here. but IL is
ghastly mockary. ] am working very hard,
The sketch in Leslie, to which
you anuds, was pleasantly written by nv
dear friend the late Frank Wood who died
just when we We're all pre- licting brilliant
career for him. / thank yoa for your
kindly letter, and am, faithfully yours,
CHARLES F. BROWNE,
'Artemus Ward"
DISTINGUISHED PAIL BEARERS.
Yesterday had as guest at my houss
one Of Artemus Ward pail bearers-Mr.
Eiward Curtiss, of San Francisco. He was
full OF kind "reminiscences of the dead
humorist. The pail bearers said Mr..
Curtiss, ''were four Americans and four
Englishmen, as follows:
AMERICANS ,sousHnEx
l. Charles Dix. artist son l. Tom Hood, Jr. son OF
OF Gen. DIX Tom Hood, editor OF
Fun.
, Lawrence Barrett. nc blanchard Jerold. Jr.
ter. son nof Douglas Jerold
4 A u. Chaiburn school, g IhOmas III Rohartzon
mate author OF Ours and
Caste
4 Edward NJ. CmtlsA 4 Andrew Holiday. edI
tor OF Dickens All |
the Year Round"
The funeral was held in the chapel of the |
Kensal Green cemetery on March s, 1867,
AMI the funeral throng was made up OF |
such names as Tennyson. Miss Braddon,
NJ. ID. Conway AMI Chief Justice Coleridge.
ARTEMUs IN A TURKISH BATH.
In 1861 | went with Artemus 10 tho IA
nous Turkish baths ON Twelfth street. On
q sofa we saw two attendants pulling at |
the head ami feetof bather. They seemed |
to be trying to pull him apart. After pull
ing him a spell they would warm him up
an1 pull him again.
''What are you pulling the man SO forP
asked Artemus.
''He LACKS bali an inch Of being tall enough |
20 be a policeman said the mans friend
"And can you really stretch him outi'
"Why, yes. We can stretch a man over |
an incl in two weeks" answered the man.
This have sine found to be a fact)
ssWell, well, wenl' said Artemus thought
'ully; If you can really stretch out man
ike that. / wish some one would stretch l
Bavard Taylor into Humboldt"
ELI PERKINS.
Dead Presidents "hun Washington.
lBrooklsn Eagle
Only one president Of the United States
Tavlorl i buried at Washington And he |
was president only one year. That explains /
:. Affar a man has liyei in WASHINGTON Il