Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-08
A POWERFUL SPEECH.
How An Eccentric Candidate Was Nomi-
mated and Elected.

once knew a man who was nomi-
mated by his fellow-citizens for certain
Office and finally elected without hav-
ing expended cent for that purpose.
He was very eccentric, but he made a
good officer. When ho heard that he
was nominated, he went up, as he said,
into the mountains to do some assess
ment work on couple of claims.
He got lost and didn't get his bear
ings until day or two after election.
Then he came into town hungry,
greasy and ragged, but unpledged.
He found that he was elected, and in
answer to a telegram started off for
Frisco to see dying relative. He did
not get back until the first of January.
Then he filed his bond and sailed into
the Office. He fired several sedentary
deputies who had been in the place for
twenty years just because they were
good workers" That is. they wero
good workers at the polls. They saved
all their energies for the campaign, and
so they only had vitality enough left to
draw their salaries during the balance
of the two years.
This man raised the county scrip
from sixty to ninety-five in less than
two years, and still they busted him in
the next convention. He was too &C.
centric. One delegate asked what in
Sam Hill would become of the country
if every candidate should skin out dur
ing tho campaign and rusticate in tho
mountains while the battle was being
fought.
Says he, II am delegate from the
precinct of Rawhide Buttes, and l cal
klate that know what / am talkin'
about. Gentlemen of the convention,
Just suppose that everybody, from the
president of the United States down.
was 10 gr the nomination and then
light out ike house atire and never
come back till it was time to file his
bond; what's going to become of US
common drunkards to whom election is
a noasis in the bad lands, an orange
grove in the alkai flats?
"Mr. Chairman, there's millions of
dollars in this broad land waiting for
the high tide of election day to como
and float 'em down to where you and /,
Mr.. Chairman, as well as other parch-
ed and patriotic inebriates, can git .
hold of 'em.
Gentlemen, we talk about stringen-
cy and shrinkage of values. and all
such funny business as that; but that's
something l don't know q blamed
thing about. What can grapple with
is this: If our county offices are worth
$50, 900, and there are other little af-
ter-claps and soft snaps, and walk ov-
ers, worth say $4,000. and the boys,
say, are willing to do the fair thing,
say, blow in fifteen per cent. to the
central committee, and what they feel
like on the outside, then politics, in
stead of a burden and a reproach, be-
comes a pleasing duty, a joyous occa-
sion and picnic to those whose lives
might otherwise be q dreary mono
tone.
..Mr. Chairman, the past two years
has wrecked four campaign saloons,
and a timer who socked his wife's for
tune into campaign torches, is now in a
land where torchlights is no good. Ov-
ercome by dull market, a financial
depression and reserved central COM
mittee. he ate package of Rough on
hdlS, anu ptioocu "a thO hollC. AAo -
now at rest over yonder.
such instances would be common II
we encouraged the eccentric economy
of official cranks. 1t is an evil that il
gnawing at the vitals of the republic.
We must squench it or get left. There
are millions of dollars in this country,
Mr.. Chairman, that if we keep it out Of
the campaign, will get into the hands
of the working classes, and then you
and /, Mr.. Chairman. and gentlemen
of the convention, can starve to death.
Keep the campaign money away from
the soulless hired man, gentlemen, or
goodbye John.
.'Mr. Chairman, excuse my emotion!
1t is almighty seldom that l make q
speech, but when do, strive to get
there with both feet. We must either
work the campaign funds into their le-
gitimate channels, or every blamed pa
triot within the sound of my voice will
have to fasten on a tin bill and rustic
for angle worms amongst the hens.
You hear me?'
Terrific applause. during which the
delicate odor of enthusiasm was noticed
on the breath of the entire delegation.
Bill Nye, in Neto York. Mercury.