New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-02-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

The young man who sows wild oats
is apt to reap his sown.-Te9as Sift-
ings.
Hell don't see Charley and Clara to.
gether lately. She-No, they've broken
off: He-For goodp She-Yes, for her
good Yonker's Statesman.
A young lady who was sadly mex
perienced sent a rich widower of her
acquaintance pair of plush bellows
as New Years remembrance, and
now they don't speak. At least he
doesn' t.-EUSlow Beacon.
An exchange says that for a variety of
reasons it is a good thing for young
lady to learn how to support herself.
Probably one good reason is that cor
set strings are not always to be de-
pended upon in an Boston,
Post.
A New York coachman has taken a
new departure. He didn't run away
with the millionaire's daughter, but
eloped with the plain, everyday govern
ess OF the millionaire's children. This
man deserves leather medal Omaha
Republican.
A woman in town became so inter-
ested in a poetical calender for the
new year that she tore off all the leaves
to read the sentiments expressed there
on. That of December 81, 1885, has
the proverb, quite appropriate in her
case: ''Haste makes waste. "-BOsto,a
Journal
Penitentiary Oficial-'1f you have
any trade, prisoner, state it, Prisoner
Gust entered)-" swell, boss, I was
brung up bartender, and I'd like to
work at that He was put to the bars
OF the casting-pot of the foundry as the
nearest mode of accommodating him. =
H"'stsville f1e1.) Item.
Priest-''Pat, I believe T saw YOU
asleep in church last Sunday" Pat
mo, indade, your riv'rance didn't;
you might a seen me with me DIES
shut, but dell bit O. sleep could get
anyhow, wild your screechin' and your
thumpin' of the poor cushions-long
life to ye!"-Londo,s Judy.
He was Yale student. Likewise he
was close to Ikey Hartenstein' Wrink-
les marked his full dress suit. "Ah,
yes, yes" he exclaimed. cts quite
the proper thing now, you know, to
have your best clothes rumpled; shows
you're popular; shows you call a good
deal, you know" -Nev Have1, Nesvs.
Nose Schaumburg: ''Dot schwallow
tail goat vas schoost splendid to 60 dot
barty to and make mashes dose girls
on" Customer: Eyes, but one of the
tails of the coat is missing Schaum-
burg: ''Never mind dot. For dot tail
what was gone dot goat from, I gives
you for holdings a bair of India rubber
Shoes
The Boston Journal tells how a lady
in the Hub cured herself of snoring.
"She attached to her eyeglasses" it
says, "a small metallic spring. on the
end of which is wheel made of gauze.
This wheel connects with small os-
trich feather, and the heavy breathing
of the snorer starts the wheel and the
feather tickles the ear.
A Madison county girl wrote to her
cousin in Brooklyn to come up and
spend q month on the farm; they were
going to have husking bees and dead
loads of fun. the Brooklyn girl re-
piled that she would not come, as the
last time she was there she was stung
by horrid bee, and didn't want any
more of it. Brooklyn Times.
Little Pauline had been reproved for
some misconduct and was sitting on 8
small chair by the window, looking
very disc0nsolate. 'sHalloo!' said pa
pa, CHANGING to come in as two big
tears were about ready to. fall. "Look
at Pauline! Why, what is going to
happen?' ut has happened. said
Pauline. solemnly Ha,per's Bazaar.
In Chicago few days ago man
had his hand literally frozen stiff to an
umbrella which he WAS carrying betore
he realized the extent at tl... onl.a Z