The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-06-04

y
Spartan resolve. The surgeon should
not spare the knife.
Still, il seemed to him, there had
never before been quite so many women
and so few men. Young women, mid
dle-aged women, and widows galore.
His eyes rested with positive relief up
on several nice old ladies occupying
prominent seats in front.
"At any rate" he thought, "the law
forbids a man to marry his grand
mother"
Then tho cold sweat burst from every
pore as he recalled the Baroness Bur
dette Coutts.
my hearers" said he, quite distinct
ly and positively. without the formality
OF announcing text; my bride is and
ever shall be the church"
Perhaps, of all the Rev. Narcissus'
listeners, upon whom the thunderbolt
fell heaviest, was Miss Matilda Ann
Hildebrand.
she was a lackadaisical old young
lady, with great reserve OF selfishness
and obstinacy, so we'll concealed by
veneering of gushing amiability and art
less sweetness that few had ever pene-
trated below the surface In her own
opinion she was nothing if not aesthetic
and deeply pious, but she was also
lonely, and yearned for a congenial
spirit. She had lofty Indifference to
the appearance of the fleshly habitalion
of the wished-for spirit, which may ac-
count for her insensibility to the Rev.
Narcissus' lack of personal attractions.
For that gentleman was not beautiful
to behold, by any means.
His bullet-head was set very straight
by long, slim neck on his square lit
tie shoulders; his pale, unsympathetic
eyes were ornamented with O decided
squirt; his mouth was crease in his
face, simply that and nothing more.
When he was pleased, the crease widen
ed. The Rev. Narcissus never deigned
to smile. But in his jaw-bone was the
true inwardness Of the man displayed
large, square, saturnine. Had Sam
son possessed such weapon in lieu of
the one mentioned by Scripture, before
the gates of GAIA, it would have been
tens of thousands.
Matilda Ann was virtuously con-
scious OF possessing all the requisites
for minister's wife.
Had she not been reared, so to say,
in the very odor of sanctity? Was not
her lamp. like the wise virgins, always
trimmed and burning. and, moreover,
set up in conspicuous place for every
one to admire? She vowed q vow to
herself on the spot. The parson,
pausing as he left to instruct his hear
ers to say "Aw-men, not a-a-men, cor
rection l make in fa-a-therly love-" and
accidently meeting her eve, was so fius-
tered by its ominous sparkle that, over
looking the three steps which led from
the door, he fell forward, and in an
other moment his pedal extrcmities
were where his head ought 10 have
been high in the air.
The fair Matilda was born general.
She now surveyed the situation and
marshaled her forces to victory or
death. The Rev. Narcissus felt no
fear in her artless presence. True, she
was gracious and fair to look upon, but
she had confided to him, early in their
acquaintance, her intention of with
drawing from the allurements of the
world, the flesh, and the devil, and re-
firing into sisterhood. Consequently
he bestowed much of his valuable time
upon her, somewhat to the neglect of
his Pensioners in general.
Her astute parents looked on approx
ingly at the fnesse displayed by their
guileless daughter, and in q quiet way
did not disdain to lend helping hand.
Great was the silent Indignation of
the thrice three score and ten females
Of tho onr,ntncotinp xxhA ol thA,tr,hA
herself q fitting mate for the Rev. Mar
cissus. What, had they gone to the
trouble OF getting rid of MIR. Bonn
spuer, only to provide that stuck-up
Matilda Ann Hildebrand with beau?
For the sagacious feminines did not
credit Miss Hildebrand's intention of
joining the sisterhood.
Redoubled were the efforts put forth
to induce this most fascinating OF par
sons to forego the VOW he had made;
and while each one strove for herself,
all made common cause against Matilda
Ann.
The parsons self-esteem flourished in
this favorable atmosphere like Jonah's
gourd, until among the disaffected few
the wonder grew, that one small head
could carry all (he thought he knew"
He confided to his always sympa-
thetic friend, Matilda Ann, that the
only argument which he could "consci-
entiously urge In favor of matrimony
was, that an unmarried minister, es-
pecially if he had taking way with
him, could not devote himself as he
should to the welfare of the souls of
the Ill married females of his congrega-
ton without exciting false hopes and
innocently inficting pain upon suscep-
tible hearts,"
Miss Hildebrand not only agreed
with him, but also volunteered the adj
vice that, since he had been created
such masterpiece, it was his bounden
duty to place an impos iblo barrier be-
tween himself and tho numerous as
pirants for his affection.
Either follow my example, which 1
shall shortly SET" ghed she plaintive-
ly. "and retire from the cold world, or
marry in self-defense. 1t would be
grandly unselfisb," she continued, mus
ingly, "for one so retrospective, so in
Prospective. so"-here she foundered