The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-01-01
HUMOR.

uOmVhs
LOVE may laugh at loclksmiths. but
he smiles very'complacently on coach
men.
AFTER q man has led fast life for q
while the fast lifc begins to lead him.
The exultant exclamation Of the
chiropodist: Il came, saw, corn
cured. "-Cari Pretzers Weekly.
VARIETY may he the spice of life, but
iudicious and systematic advertising is
the pepper and salt of a newspaper, and
the butter of the advertiser. The custom
er, however. gets the best of the cream.
Carl PretzePs Wtekly.
| A GERMAN newspaper contains the
following advertisement: IF Charles
Frankenberger will either call or write
to Karl Schmidt on the Kaiser strasse,
No. 26, he will hear something to his
advantage. His wife is dead"
"WHEN 1 married Paul." said the
old lady, "he was made to say, with
my worldly goods thee endow.' Paul
was keeping q dry goods store then,
and / thought the goods belonged to
me; but l soon found out the words
meant only one calico dress year."
DID you give your mother that nice
clabber gave you for her yesterday"
asked q man in country wagon, of a
small boy on one of the streets of Aus
tin. Nav" replied Johnny; 1 thought
it was too sour for her, so put lots of
sugar in it, and ate it myself. "-Teras
SJtings.
Two FRIENDS who had not communi-
Gated for some time now met under cir
cumstances not suggestive of gloom,
and after ELUSIVE greetings: First
Gent Qoq. )-"And the good wife?"
Second Gent with due solemnity)" In
heaven-two years." First Gent-"My
dear fellow, Pm shocked to hear it.
He was reading a patent-medicine
almanac. Suddenly he jumped up and
shouted to his wife: Somebody run
for the doctor; Pm sick. I'm the sick
est man on the footstool. There amt
disease known to medical science that
/ haven't got pronounced symptoms Of
/ have reached the advanced stage of
everything. Somebody run for the
doctor quick !"-DetrOH Post.
WHILE returning from school one
muddy day Tommy fell into the gutter,
with the result that it was difficult to
decide which was mud and which was
Tommy. When he arrived home the
following dialogue occurred: Tommy
100000! I've fallen down." Ma
"You bad boy! In those new knicker-
bockers tool" Tommy never at a loss
for an excuse)-"B-o-o 90! 1 hadn't
time to take them off when I felt my
self going.
The biggest bore oneorth is the man
who has just had tooth drawn. He
wants to tell the whole story, from the
time the tooth first began to ache to the
heroic manner in which he allowed it
to be extracted. We have an old
and valued friend in the Office at this
moment who is relating to us all the
narrowing details of his dental expert
ences, Notwithstanding that he knows
we are ever head and ears in work, and
going to press tonight. When he
reads this paragraph we trust the aw-
full extent of his guilt will appear be-
fore him in all its enormity.
A LAWYER took in n new boy, and,
as he had suffered to some extent from
the depredatiors of the former ONE, he
determined to try the new lads hon
esty at once He therefore placed 80
note under weight on his desk, and
walked out without word. Upon his
return, half an hour later, the note was
gone, and half-a-crown in silver had
taken its place. boy! when L went
out / left G5 under this weight. Eyes,
sir; but, you see, you hadn't been gone
five minutes when man came III with
bill against you for "a lis cd. l
guess the change is correct" you
paid bill?" "Yes, sir; there it is, all
receipted. The man said it had slipped
your mind for the last four years, and
So" He didn't get any further be-
fore he was rushed for the stairs, and
he isn't in the law business any more.
SONNET ON THE STEW.
Softly the evening star
Was shining In the west,
And Luna from her golden car
Shed gracious peace and rest.
A maiden, starry-eyed.
Looked up with lashes wet;
| Her lover whispered-"Stewed or fried?
She faltered, "Stewed, you bet!"
Burlington Free Press.
HOW HE SAW HIM.
She raised her arms, soft shining links of love.
And wound them round him; then. as rose
sprays rear
Their buds OF morn, she raised her lips above
Unto responsive lips that bent an ear
What is the matter, sweet, my own?" she
sobbed,
And for an answer he but softly sighed
Sad sound to her in whose white bosom throbbed
The anxious heart of half frightened bride.
STILL still she queried, then at last he said
/ His eyes rcfulRent with devotion's light,
His hand caressing her sunbeamy head
MY pet, saw Tom Robinson last night.
She wondering pazed uron him. And does he
Always cause you such woe?" He crushed a
| blush
| And answered, when saw him, dear. you see
| / had four queens against his straight club
fushl'
Washington Ratchet.
Certainly, OF Course.
Said the fat street-car passenger: 81
know q conductor on this very line who