davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
THE PRESIDENTS INAUGURAL.
Commercially Brief and Admirable in
Tone and Sentiment.

Commercially Brief and Admirable in
Tone and Sentiment.
The speech of the new President upon
the beginning of his reign is commend
able for its brevity and admirable for
the dignifed tone and just tenor of its
sentiments. At the outset, it deprecates
the custom of carrying the party spirit
into the Presidency. AT the threshold
of that high Office, the spirit that SUBJ
sists on partisan feelings or on sectional
prejudices should cease, because. in the
new Presidents thought, the function
of that officer is to execute the Consti-
of the country" not of particular
party, sand to secure the full measure
of its benefits to US and those who will
succeed to the blessing of our National"
not partisan or sectional, '1ife."
In the same direction point the clear,
strong words of the speech in relation
to the Civil service and the exercise of
the appointing power. ''Civil-service
reform should be in good faith enforced.
Society has the right of protection
against the incompetency of public SER
wants who hold their places as the re-
ward of partisan service, and against
the corrupting influence of those who
promise, and the methods of those who
expect, such rewards" On the other
hand, those who worthily seek to enter
the public service "haye the right to
insist that merit and faculty shall be
recognized instead of party subservien-
cy."
In these words, Mr.. Cleveland has
taken occasion to repeat and emphasize,
at his entrance upon the presidency,
views that he has previously declared,
both before and after his election, and
that have had verification in his practice.
The country is not only prepared to
hear them with satisfaction, but to ac-
cept them as reasonable assurance
that the march of opinion against the
infamous patronage system is not to be
INSTRUCTED, hindered. or endangered by
the charge of the high officer who holds
and is able to exercise according to his
will the tremendous appointing power.
This part of the speech will be accepted
as a clear announcement of the presi-
dental policy in one of the two only
fields of governmental action where it
rests with the President to initiate or
direct a policy of government
The other of these two fields is that
of foreign relations. In relation to this,
also, the utterance is distinct, though
extremely general. What it indicates
distinctly is that the reign of Cleveland
is not to be distinguished by any for
eign policy of the gymnastic style of
Blaine, and that if an unsatisfactory
policy should be pursued its fault is
more likely to be on thei side of
adherence to the Evolutionary policy"
of National isolation.
Outside of these two fields. wherein
alone the President can initiate or guide
or exert any great influence on the pol
lev of government, the speech contains
the expression of presidential views on
a number of subjects, such as public
extravaganza, tariff, treatment OF In
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
JUST THE MAN FOR THE WORK.
The Pension Bureau Prolific Source OF
Political Villainy.

The Pension Bureau q Prolific Source OF
Political villainy.
The Pension Bureau. under the skill.
full management of Commissioner Dud-
ley, appears to have been a prolific
source of corruption and to have fur
nished the Republican party with nc
small share of the sinews of war dur.
ing the last Presidential campaign.
Every day the Congressional commit
tee investigating it unearthed fresh ma.
terial of kind which should send some
of these enterprising officials. so free with
the peoples money, to place of retire.
ment as Government pensioners in
striped suits, where they might have
ample time for reflection. The stats
tican of this delectable bureau testified
before the committee that when the en-
terprising Dudley took charge, less than
four wears ago, the running expenses OF
the office were about $500, 900 year,
and that he contrived to get them up
to nearly $4,000. 900 during the year of
the Presidential election. One very
convenient branch of this Republican
supply office was the Special Examiners
divisionswhich got away with q million
during the campaign. 1t was not that
the examiners had more legitimate work
than usual connected with their di-
vision, for the number of cases dis
posed of was smaller than during the
previous year. although there were one
bundled and fifty more examiners. The
medical reviewer of the bureau was
obliged to 60 to Indiana just six weeks
before the election, ostensibly to in
struct few examining surgeons, but in
reality to essay the surgical operation
of cutting down the Democratic ma jor-
ity. His labors came to an end on cleo
ton day, his surgery being entirely at
fault, and the expense account drawn
upon in vain. No wonder that Senator
Logan was such sturdy defender OF
the Pension Bureau; it was rich lead
and was worked industriously for the
benefit of the party. Many political
Pecksniff drew his inspiration from the
convenient balance always on hand in
the special examiners division, and
went forth with pockets well lined to
preach the gospel of Republican cant
and hypocrisy, and to hold up Demo-
cratic wickedness and plotting to the
horror of an assemblage of free-borD
voters. Of all the ways of raising the
wind resorted to by the late managers
of the B. & l.. combination, that of the
Pension Bureau was the most ingenious
and PANIED out the best. A jump from
S5OO,O to nearly S., 900. 600 in expenses
in single year, was proceeding
that required no small degree of nerve.
Dudley was just the man for the work.
Albany Argus.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
A NOTABLE SCENE.
Schuyler Colfax's Farewell Address to the
United States Senate.

schuyler COifax'S Farewell Address to the
United States Senate.
In the course of the proceedings of
the Senate on March 4th, 1873, one of
the Senators offered a resolution, which
was unanimously adopted, rendering
thanks to Vice-President Colfax for the
manner in which he had discharged the
duties of chairman during the term in
which he had presided over the DELHI
erations of the Senate.
Not long afterward, Vice-President
Colfax arose and, stating that the hour
had arrived for the dissolution of the
Forty-second Congress, proceeded,
with considerable emotion, to deliver a
farewell address to the Senate. Dur
ing the midst of this address, the
hands of the clock reached the hour
of twelve. Captain Bassett went to it,
and, mounting a ladder, turned back
the longer hand few minutes. This
was harmless trick that I have
often seen played since, the minute
hand beng sometimes set back as
much as half an hour. The Sena-
tors and the Vice-President always
look innocently some other way while
it is being done, as if UNCONSCIOUS of
the act. But every one else smiles at
this subterfuge to gain time. and l
think the Senator's themselves smile
inwardly.
After continuing his speech for
short while, the Vice-President con-
ciuded:
But the clock admonishes me that
the FOrty-second Congress has already
passed into history; and wishing you,
Senators, useful lives for your country
and happy lives for yourselves. and
thanking you for the resolution spread
upon your journal, and invoking the
favor of Him who holds the destinies
of nations and of men in the hollow of
His hand, am ready to administer the
oath of office to the Vice-Pres dent
elect. whom now Introduce"
Vice-President-elect Wilson there
upon stepped forward amid burst of
applause, and from the Secretary's
desk made brief address; and the
oath of office was administered to him
by the retiring Vice-President.
anuaad alton, IN st. Nicholas.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
PITh AND POINT.

Always taking out of q meal-tub
and never putting in soon brings you
to the bottom.
-Menny phool haz passed thru life
with fair sukcess by taking back seat
Ind sticking to it.-Josh Billings.
Don't be fooled, my boy. You
can't bride q WOman's tongue by
bridaling her. It will turn out just the
other way in nine cases out of ten
LoUeU Citizen.
Edith, you want to know whether
funny men on newspapers ever laugh
at their own jokes" do you dearp Yes,
Edith, often-in fact, in good many
cases, you will find that they are the
only ones who do laugh at them; but,
of course, this is confidential Boston
Post.
Little Amy, chided for mischief,
protested that Susan (the servant) had
persuaded her. Said papa: Tell me
exactly what Susan said" She said:
'.You push that stand, miss, if you
dare" ''Them's my very words in
terjected Susan. And" pursued the
little culprit, 81 dared, so pushed"
Thirteen is an unlucky number. II
is for this reason that when shop
keeper halves twenty-five cent piece
he invariably gives you twelve cents.
The shopkeeper is unseltish, and as
somebody must run the risk of bad
luck. he freely takes it himself.-Bos.
ton Transcript.
Lawyers Like Shears:
Two lawyers, when knotty case was done.
Shook hands together and were in for fun.
"Heyr' cried the losing client, II don't see
You men who fought can be so friendly
now.
"Ah.' said his counsel, Lawyers, though so
like shears cut not themselves, but what's
between"
The doctor was visiting lady who
was in the habit of sending for him con-
stantly W thout being at all ill, and she
was entertaining him with full and
particular account of her maladies, the
list of which was as long as her glove.
On. B.-The glove of a lady is about
as long as her arm nowadays.( ..Ah.
MADAME says the doctor, with a look
must enjoy in order to be able to with
bury american.
married title)-'What did that vui-
gar fellow mean by addressing you so
Familiarity, Count?' Foreign Count
Cher new husband)-.sOh. nothing,
my dear. He just happened to know
me- '.But he did not call you by your
title?' "Well, no. Don't he know
you are Count?'' mo; he only
knows me by my stage name ~ Stage
name? How romantic! Why, you
darling, did not know you had been
on the stage ''Oh, yes; I've been
driving a Broadway stage for ten
years. Philadelphia Call.
-''Here's an item of some interest,
perhaps" remarked the new reporter,
as he handed over the following: "Mr-
Elderboi is believed to be the oldest
person in town. His age is ninety
e ght' 'Tm, ashamed of you, Mr..
Slenderquill; I'm ashamed of your ex-
claimed the editor. glaring over the top
of the item at the reporter. ''Whv
didn't you say that Mr.. Eiderboi had
just cut his third set of teeth, that he
splits his own wood. gets in his own
hay, does all his own ploughing and
planting and harvesting; that he is be-
leved to be the oldest Mason. and has
voted for every President, from Wash
ington up to the present time, and that
he is 1O8 instead of ninety-eight? Why,
man alive! the Office boy could beat
you dishing up s!''-Boston Tram
script.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
THE DOLPHIN.
What the Ancients Thought of this Won-
derful Fish.

What the Ancfents Thought of this Won
derful Fish.
ELAN ascribed to it parental love
that did not fear death for the sake OF
its Young. The mother would not for
sake her young one when it was caught,
but would share captivity and death
with it; # one of two was taken, the
mother would drive the other away
from the danger, and then go back to
perish with the caught one ELAN
tells of many such traits which seem to
reveal kind of human nature in the
dolphin, and to connect it most init
mately with man and his sea-life. Dol
phjns were said to accompany the ship
of the hardy sailor over the solitary
sea, to endeavor to entertain him with
their sportive movements, and to be so
confiding that, If they were called by
the name of Simon, they would come
up and help the fisherman jim his work
of driving the fish into his net. They
forewarned him of the storm,
also had a good feeling
toward bathing boys, and eN-
hlbited thankfulness toward man.
appeared not less deep to antiquity.
Ii d uOlpHu was caught, He WouAu
greedily eat all the fish that were
caught with him. then would break the
net and escape; hence the wise fisher
man, if he casually caught a dolphin,
would draw a rush through his nose
and let him go, marking him for an
other time. That such an animal, to
which lavish fancy ascribed so many
noble qualities, should have enjoyed in
reality a certain degree of honor and
indulgence, follows, as a matter OF
course, especially when it is remem-
could often make himself very useful by
driving up the smaller fishes toward
| the nets, as the whale does in the her
Iring-fishery.-Dr. Biederman7s, IN Pop
ular Science Monthly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
AN INLAND SEA.

Tire Steps Taken to- Create Navigable
Body OF Water In tho Desert OF
Sahara.
Commander Lamdas left Paris for
Africa last month to carry on the work
of the Late Colonel Roudaire, whose
project of forming sea in the desert Of
Sahara by admitting the waters of the
Mediterranean has attracted consider
able attention for three years past.
There seems to be some prospect that
the enterprise May really be carried
out.
This is not q scheme for turning the
vast Saharan waste into an ocean, as
many have supposed That idea is inn
practicable, for there are more elevated
plateaus than low-lying plains in the
Sahara. The lowest level Dr. Lenz
found in his recent journey across the
western desert was 1872 feet above the
sea, and he had reason to think that
the lowest levels of the western Sahara
do not fall under $50 feet above the
sea.
There exists, however, south of the
fertile portions of Tunis and Algeria a
chain of desiccated lake basins, whose
sandy or muddy bottoms, considerably
lower than the Mediterranean. stretch
away southwark to the oasis of Tozeur
It was Colonel Roudafre's plan to flood
these lake basins or CAotts by digging a
canal 100 miles long from the Gulf of
Gabes, on the east coast of Tunis. BY
this means he expected to turn about
5000 square, miles Of the Sahara into q
navlgable sea, convert wide belt of
territory around the sea into fertile
lands, open . waterway for French
commerce far into the country, improve
the climate of Tunis and Algeria, and
the Sahara.
There is little doubt that Colonel Rou-
dare's scheme is perfectly feasible.
though opinions differ as to its utility.
A committee appointed by the French
Government reported that the plan was
practicable, and could be advantage
ously executed. The late NJ. Tissot.
the explorer of Tunis, fully agrees with
Roudaire's views. The Count De
Lesseps and the engineers who went
over the ground with him early in 1894
approved the project, and De Lessons
is now one of its chief promoters. 1--WE
have no mountains to tunnel or level"
he said few weeks ago 1.-THE pro-
ject is perfectly feasible, and we win
turn the desert into garden
Those who oppose the project doubt
that the inland ocean would revolutio n.
ize the climate of that part OF the
Sahara, and believe the sea would he
likely to silt up with saline deposits on
account of the rapid evaporation in 40
dry climate. All seem to agree. how
ever, that it would give fertility To
hundreds Of thousands of acres. The
promoters OF the enterprise ask no
assistance from the treasury Of France
but wish only to receive Concession Of
the bordering tracts, now sandy waste,
which they expect to reclaim.
Commander Landas will first take
soundings in the Gulf Of Gabes and se-
iect the most favorable place for q har-
Dor. He then expects 10 sink an arta.
sian well for the purpose of supplying
the workmen on the proposed canal
with water.-N. Y. Sun.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19

portance. Soon after he began bust
ness. he bought up complete files of
several newspapers running back in
some cases to 1850. That he finds the
business profitable one may be in
ferred from his ability to keep two as
sistants at work.
The humber of persons who wish to
buy back copies of newspapers is larger
than most people might suppose; in the
course of half an hour. during which
searched through an old file, five per-
sons came into Budd' splace and bought
papers varying in age from two days to
six years.-N y Cor. NeaD HnUen
Ne,Ds
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
A WISE FATHER.
Humor Bad Thing, But Candidacy Fol
Congress Quite Another.

Humor a Bad Thing, But Candidacy Fol
Congress Quite Another.
$50 you are going to start humor-
Gus paper,' said an old gentleman to
his son.
Eyes. sir. Have you any advice to
offer?''
Don't start it,
''Why?''
''Oh, there are many reasons, some
of which, in most serious manner, I
shall give you. The quality of humor
is Unborn, but the employment of it's
finer forces requires the most careful
cultivation. The rough semi-vulgar
sketch is not humor. 1t may create a
laugh, but it is not humor. Do you re-
member What Addison says of humorp''
mo. sir
stHave you ever read Addison?''
.sVery little"
t'What have you read?''
s.Oh, | don't know what ALL It
would take me some time to enumer.
ate
Il don't think it would. How is your
imagination-very good?"
No, sir, can't say that it is. ~
''Ah, hah. | suppose that YOU will
attempt to make people laugha'
''Oh, yes, sir
"a fatal error, young man. People
can be slyly drawn into mirth, but You
can not shove them into it. We can
persuade men to weep. but we can not
force them. You no doubt have a good
supply of original Jokes
Eyes, sir, l think so.''
''Tell me a few"
81 can't tell them"
..Well, sit down there and write me
one''
The young man wrote the following:
''Sebleson went to see his girl the 9TH
er night. The old man was at the
lodge. Sebleson enjoyed himself pref
ty well. The girl brought in some pie
The young fellow said it was first rate,
and asked her if she made it. She said
yes. All, replied the young man,
anybody who can make such pie
ought to make a good wife, Then
they both laughed. Did you ever
make any pie?' she asked. No said
he, but 1 have killed sight of it. y
us that all?'' asked the old gentle
man when the humorist had, with elo-
cutionary effect, read the production
Eyes, but | could make it longer"
Don't do it.
'.Father, am afraid you don't like
humor."
81 am afraid 50. >
..You didn't smile, but will you lend
me So. O0O?'
What, do you want to pay people to
laugh?''
..Oh, no, want to buy material.
why, You intend to print the paper,
ehP''
"Of course
"Oh, no, can not let you have the
money"
81 tell what thought, father. You
have been suggested as suitable can
didate for Congress. Well, nothing
more than a good joke helps man DO,
litically. l thought that you might get
off several good Jokes about yourself
and that | could print them. OF course
everything from you would be interest
ing. You have a great Imagination,
and have read Addison you-'s
Two thousand dollars, you saw
Hand me that check-book, please. Oh
course do not expect to be candidate
but say, if I were elected, 1 could
make the country laugh, couldn't I2''
-ArEansaa0 Traveller.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19

Henry Jones, Georgia farmer,
utilities dynamite as crow extermina-
tor by loading peas with it. which are
scattered along the ground for the birds
to pick up.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19

skill The clock event in still anoth-
er way the next day-it went to the jew
eler's in basket - Clara Doty Bates.
in CHICAGO 1ddUG72ce.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19

Wet winters have been found to
result most disastrously to insects.
Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-08-20
Medical and Surgical
INSTITUTE.

The Grand Rapids Medical and Surgi-
cal Institute, under the management of
Prof. G. w Paine, NJ. d., lie located at
the corner 81 Monroe and Division
streets. one OF the finest locations II the
city. The institute WAS established for
the purpose Of furnishing 10 the people at
large the means 81 obtaining medical and
surgi ,al advice and treatment al prices
within the reach % all. and the patron
age il has received affords ample proof
that there was a wide spread demand FOR
IL in Western Michigan. The institution
is thoroughly equipped for the treatment
Of all forms of chronic and acute diseases
under new system OF treatment which
effectually eradicates blood poison, aud
cures nervous affections, female com
plants, cafarrh, consumption, rheuma-
tism, piles. epilepsy, etc.
Connected with the Institute, and un-
der the direct supervision Of Prof. PANE
is system OF medichted vapor. electro
thermal and other baths 10 WIN n patients
have access. and which are found OF eepe-
cial benefit IN the treatment 81 diseases.
A special feature Is the treatment of fe-
male complaints rheumatism, etc, 10y the
ozo-disinfectant treatment.
The Institute has "a large number ~
private apartments for the acoommods-
dation OF pa rents and a corps of com
petent and skilled lady attendants Pa
tients are furnished with rooms. board,
baths, etc.
Prof. Paine was formerly connected
with the Philadelphia University Hoepi-
tai. and for three yesrs past has oeeD pro-
prietor of the Texas Medical and Surgl-
cal Institute, OF Dallas, Texas. so that
he has had an extended experience IN
conducting such institutions. All com
munications should be addressed 20 Prof.
G. w. Paine. VI. d., Grand Rapids. Mich.
Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-08-20
STEKETEE'S
BLOOD BITTERS,
For the Cure OF
For the Cure OF

Malaria, Indigestion, Bliousness, Liver
Complaint, Impureness of the Rlood.
1t of the Best Remedies for Purifying the Blood known
These Bttes not Whisky Btter such large major
ty of Btter My recipe for making these Bers
first submitted for inspection to the HON. GREEN b. RAUM
Commissioner of Internal Revenue at Washington d. c. and
the result of said inspection has given the undersigned and
all Others the right to sell these Btter anywhere and every
where within the United States, without paying special
liquor tax therefor.
Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-08-20
SNUB6ING a LOVER.
Hov Washington Young Lady snubbed
the Man who rook Her into society.
FWashinrton CAPITAL

the Wan Who Took Her Into society.
Warrington CaDital.l
The facility with which a society young
woman here maie and broke an enga .e-
msnt a for night ago is - II the talk i'm her
"set" The lady Il an heiress anil n hand
some girl Her fathers money was the
open sesame O. the highest official circles
for her self ami her mother. though not
sufflcien. To foat her brothe-. al whom n
prominent hostess drew the line because
~ ia b.d habits When this young . 1m-
an firs' came "ous" young man of good
family but poor deriied 20 WOO and " in her
Asa gentleman 70 thu manor born be was
received sv srvwhere. He devoted himself
to ths heiress AMI really brought n in-g
MOTTO. taking her anon The best people
% the capital All this resulted in an en-
gasement. though the parents ~ the LAZY
were ohiurase They valued th III d1grh-
ter sccord.nz - her prospective fornsas
snd too hizhlv o. give her 20 a poor man.
much iess me lu Government empl T1
% sure he vas in tHe m0st arisfocrlt. e. = 20
partm nr pa "a was clerk a 20 Che 81. ia.
However. the yaunr mfn annou g -
Der on "a tarr ant % sevstaI of r frie1 q.
ssking the <lrls e. te C 20 others of Che
sect. Two fars after she NJ a.
tAs round sil and sali tha enc
gaEanent wa or. II wsnt vau 20
ta.l evervbodv that rva broken ta = sa-
zazement~ sts sstL 'W hV. IN Haa en's
aaufe. Whist d.3 q break f frfT tbsv
eVcisf frned "Jusr 20 ssub Nr Hlsnk
nlsis gp my m M Bong ara ttat be
aau -ht ae vas mp surer ant ie.a~-
mlnai .a snah hin hv acrep .. taen Re-
lec5inx b n. snd I'Ve dome f" vas tbs
+ coupsacent answer 20 enc ri-h yu8x
.waman. Nv sfrsaga to ssv fha eject q
nor what the he.ress exveefed TIE .
1' her sef" are very mad lnsf.aH %
+ lesv * ne fe3 .~ sau bed ve11r rn n
t1 rhew the tift-r emf - fisar-rIntne q,
thev ~ taker as part and fee'tra fssf fse
unr eoHran wss "real maan srd fhss
ere raxt asfn she 90 f15 -seir lft
euf ~ .ae ea.t srclrtv. n .pi-e n a. her
rfnnev