St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-08-02
THE TOWN TATTLER.

and is not Unfortunately fond of veal, he might
as well inquire elsewhere, but if HIS longings
are like unto those of the young man who
wrote TO Mark Twain about brain food. and
he cannot afford to buy the whales, let him
bic himself to the Hotel Paree. Six months
OF training in that establishment will make
an intellectual John L. Sullivan out of Adju-
tant General MacCarthy or Col. Bend.
At breakfast and lunch the conversation
sometimes flags, but ut dinner Cbesides veal
on Sundays. ehicken) we enjoy "a feast of
reason and flow of SOUL" the very crumbs
and dregs of which would minister to a
mind diseased
The other day, between the pie and the
toothpicks. il was settled that Sir Isaac New
ton wrote the first arithmetic and that before
he was ennObled his name was Euclid. Tapes
a gentleman whose face is familiar to ladies
patronizing leading dry-gOods house in ST.
Paul, and a bookkeeper conducted the argu-
ment with great credit to their learning.
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Our Fat Boarder had an adventure Tuesday
night which he recounted the following day
at dinner. along about . o'clock last
night" he said, II thought the world was
coming TO an end-at any rate that it might
just as well wind up its affairs and quit busi-
ness, for was certain had no further use
for it. ! am very light sleeper"-his suor-
ing can be heard ut Bridge square on still
night, so this remark called forth a chorus
of howls which babe fair to nip the story in
its bud. "Well, you may laugh If you will,
but noises L am not used to always
disturb my peaceful SAUNDERS, and about
o'clock last night heard my bedroom
door open. Ny well-known wealth would
in no
and 1 could almost see the bloodthirsty VII
lain flourish his knife preparatory 10 cutting
the only throat have. The room was darker
than it had ever been before or ever will be
again, hope, and 1 was afraid the midnight
marauder would hear my knOtted and COM
bined locks part and each particular hair
CRATE against the other rs it slowly rose TO
the perpendicular. j did not want to get up.
Two O'Clock 4. m. is an uuseemly hour to get
up ut even in summer, and l did not want
the burglar to think that 1 was departing
from my usual habits on his account or that
his visit disturbed me in the least. 1 could
hear the villain breathe, and the bed seemed
TO be full of electricity. / could not stay
where was. so, giving a yawn, / remarked
in a voice that sounded TO me as though it
belonged to another man, i guess I'll go and
get drink and. stepping out of bed, walked
TO the door. You might have heard my coat
tails crack as 1 shot out when had reached
the opening-except for the fact that did
not have any coat-tails on. Aiming myself
with lamp and an umbrella, which ] cap
tured in Mozart's room, came back 10 inter
view my visitor and make him divide if he
found anything worth dividing. 1 would have
raised an alarm had it not been
for the consequences of a false
enc. which il would have been, for
here was no burglar in the room. There
was n dog. though. and / believe that had
rather found a burglar. / could have ar
gued with burglar and perhaps converted
him, but there was no chance for talk with
that cur He evidently had come to stay. He
liked my company better than did his-and
did not dare to touch the brute was
afraid he might bite my-what occasionally
wear socks on, so stood there looking at him,
and perhaps would have stood there yet if
Mozart here had not come in
''He was the Misunderstanding object ever
saw" said the latter. "He was scared to
death. and stood there with his night shirt
folded tight about him, polIing at little
puppy with the end of an umbrella. like a
nervous old lady. Come out of this come
out of this he was saying. like a man in u
dream. ! could hardly hear him, he talked
so low, while the unhappy puppy was crouch
ing in corner almost as frightened as Fatty.
Don't touch the BRUTE throw him out of the
window kill him. he's mad Fatty said.
but 1 rescued the harmless little thing and.
carrying il into the bathroom, left Fatty to
resume his slumbers at his leisure"
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Some one told ghost story on the heels of
this, which is old enough to ave removed its
youth. A farmer was anxious to test his
little sons courage, and, with view of Civ
ing him wholesome lesson, sent him after
the cattle about dark one evening. The path
ran through stretch of woodland, and the
father, covering himself with a sheet, took up a
position which the boy must pass on his way
home. A pct monkey belonging to the family
noticed the msneuvers of the pater familias,
and grabbing towel accompanied him Jun
discoveredl in his expedition; and. when the
old gentleman took up his position, did like
wise in the shadow OF a neighboring tree,
covering himself with the towel. The boy
came along pretty soon but tailed to scare.
''Them's ghosts" he said, and cooIly came on
his way as though ne was rather fond of such
company. Just then the monkey in his dis
guise appeared in the path. ''Holy smoke"
yelled the original spook in very unghostly
accents, 1.-THE DEVILS out tonight, sure" and
forgetting the great moral lesson he was to
instil into the mind of his son. made the fast
est time on record across the meadow, en-
couraged by the shriIl shouts of ''Go it, big
devil, little devil catch you,'' from the appre-
ciative hopeful.
So
Business is dull in real estate circles at
present, and the saying that satan for idle
hands finds mischief still TO do is illustrated
now and then by the restless dealers this
summer. Going up Third street the other
day saw prominent and successful member
of the fraternity buying tea 1t looked as
though he intended to rival the Northern Pa
cihc importation, only he was buying his
stock in single packages at 81 each. Besides
tea he bought a collection of something that
provoked a great many profane expressions
from his lips. / think he called them
blanks After the accommodating clerk
had set down two or three dozen packages and
opened them, he remarked with evident salts
faction. ''You have drawn a diamond stud,
SIR" and the real estate man was declared to
be the lawful owner of a piece OF glass with
something that glittered and ended in screw
about it, being "a prize" which would come
high at a cent apiece in bushel lots. 1t cost
the Spectator something like $50 over and
above the proceeds of the tea, which he re-