The Abbeville messenger. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1884-1887, 1885-10-27
eco Slow"
''Man's a.vapor, full Of woes,
He cuts capcr, and down he goes"


Well, we arc taught that there is
time for all things, except acting the,
fool. There is no time given man to
act the fool. Here will try to tell my
experience in oEc case. l made bold
start, and did not have far to go, and l
acted the fool tolcrably well for several
months. | was seventeen years old,
six feet high, weighed one hundred and
City pounds, somewhat slabsidcd, and
looked more like q man than anything
that ever was seen, not to be a man. |
saw great many wearing fine clothes,
Hoots and fine hats, chewing tobacco
and smoking cigars. They appeared to
be very smart and popular with the Ia
dies, so thought that constituted per-
feet gentleman, and determined to go
into the current of fashion and popular
ity. | went to work and made bale Of
cotton, sold it, and off went to q dry
goods store and bought Il suit Of fine
clothes, big bcll-crowned bee gum hat,
gloves, riding switch, boots, box Of
paper collars, hair grease, cigars, UNI
brclla, and vial of musk to make me
| smell sweet. had my hair shin slcd,
and had taken kind of second growth.
My upper lip had produced a thick coat
| Of hair, called moustachc. Ispent good
deal Of my time rubbing my moustache
with the end of my fingers, and on one
Of my fingers stuck big brass ring
Now | thought was rugged up per-
feet gentleman. Poor fool, ignorant Of
pride and fashion. being. contagious
disease, and was almost oil the lit
with it and not aware Of it. The same
disease is still raging, but found u cure
for it. l rode n tall horse. and frequent
ly the brush would rake my hat off. 1t
would hit the ground, bounce. around
and roll like an empty churn. All right
as was in the inshion.A would rig up
of Sunday, stand in the sunshine and
tloas at l!,s .Uae srospoSE
make tract, and look what II nice track
my boot would make. ] imagined my
self perfect beauty, and imagined that
if | could get to rub my back against a
college wall and take trip out west, 1
would be capable Of holding any office
i'll the government. i would rig up and
go to singing g-school, walk in the house,
and my boots would squeak like the
rusty hinges ola barn door. Some
times would walk so straight that
would lean OYER, and [ would try to
walk the Grcciun walk, and carry my
umbrella over me in sunshine and
shade. All right, as l was in the fash.
ion. | would seat myself in singing
school, cross my feet and rub my NOUS
tache with the finger that had the ring
on. would try to walk, talk and laugh.
like, some other fool that Lahought was
acting smart. would carry cigar to-
church and set one end Of it n fire. stick
the other end in my mouth, and stand
where | could be seen. and hold the
cigar with the hand, that. had the, ring
on: so there was cigar iwith some fire
o'' VIC Shu duo u Ioot On IIic OlueT emu.
So | trollopped around for several
months just IN that fix, poor simple
ton. l had not thought OLA blow-up,
or stove-up, or explosion, SO one Sun
day morning in August. rugged up and
went to church. The church house
was q new pine log cabin, the door-hcad
very low. So on 1 went. Jehu-like,
rode up and alighted, walked up with
an elastic step, made spring in the
door, and the top of my beegum just
plumbed the door-head and drove it
down to my shoulders. had one foot
back and staggered around tho corner of
the house, and began to feel for, my
head. Twas considerably stunned, and
in the dark. took hold of the brimi, of
my hat on each side with my hands, und
began pushing up with all my strength.
and setting back determined to pull out,
for was in fix and something had to
be done quick. Directly 1 began to,
emerge from darkness to light, and with,
all my strength and awkwardness, sue
ceeded in pulling out without help.
kThc leather Inning of my hat pulled
out and it resembied churn with the
brim around the middle. Ny ears and
nose burned as if they had been scald.
ed; perspiration flowed in great drops,
and in the scuffle staggered against the