Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1885-08-13
Inventive Genius.

The other day saw it officially stat
ed that during the year seventy pat
ents had been issued to women. As
| always like to get at bottom facts, L
hunted up the last Patent Office report
from the numerous volumes which
have been kindly donated to me by an
appreciatlve Congressman, and pro-
ceeded to post myself as to what the
patents were issued for. Here are a
few of the most notable:
A Missouri lady took out letters pat
ent for an Indicator which when at.
tached to the bed-post will show by
glancing at the dial whether there is
a horrid man under the bed. The
saving of time in a year will more than
pay the cost of an instrument.
Mrs. Minkiers, of Podunk, n. Y. in
vented q patent mouse and rat exter-
minator. When lady sees a nasty
mouse the first scream sets the ma
chine off, and pair of claws seizes the
offending varmint by the back of the
neck and yanks the everlasting stuffing
out of him in less time than it would
take to go around block.
Miss Nancy Jane Stebbins, of Hairy
town. New Jersey, patented a new
kind of telephone which will work a
revolutioni in the dissemination of news.
In seven minutes by the watch, the
choicest bit of scandal can be scatter
ed to the four winds of heaven in a
more approved style than could be eff
fected by seven hours of the most in
dustrious gadding. The inventor
wears large leather medal presented
TO her by the suffering society of New
jersey.
Mr.. Sapphira Coon. of Smilerville,
KY, obtained a patent on an attach
ment whereby woman may hold
twelve extra clothes-pins in her mouth.
and at the same time keep up an ami
mated conversation with the woman
in the next yard, thereby saving hours
of valuable time.
Mary Ann Duzenberry, of Skowhe-
gan, Me-, comes to the front with a
duplex, back action, non freezing in
dicator, which can be attached to the
husband and will tell unerringly where
he has been when he goes to the lodge.
She has already made Il large fortune
out of it and the demand increases.
Mrs. Prudence Cumback. o. Dadds-
VILE. o., has patented muzzle which
can be put on the old man, effectually
preventing him from kissing the hired
girl. If he does, an electric current Is
produced which rings bell, strikes a
gong and blows whistle in the kitch.
en-. The factory is running night and
day and is away behind the orders.
An old maid named McGoozler, of
Peewee, Ore, trots out an attachment
enabling a woman to carry an umbrel-
la without jabbing the eyes out of
every mortal man that comes within
twenty feet of her.
A giddy young thing named Glenn
entina Bagshott, of Gooseville, N. j.,
has invented front gate attachment,
which the girls all pronounce ''just too
utterly cute for any kind OF use." On
each side of the gate is swinging
stool, which can be swung around to
proper distance as a pedestrian APP
proaches, and as soon as he passes are
swung back to within a. quarter of an
inch OF each other. The top of the
gate is padded, making it very orna-
mental as well as useful.
OF course these are not all, but they
are enough to show that il you will
give woman room according to her
strength she will yank the socks of
the rest OF creation in an amazing
short space of period.
don't want to hear another word
from the old seeds who sit around
whiting dry goods boxes, and init.
mate that women's best hold is wash
ing dishes and sewing on buttons. She
is already working up to a grander,
nobler sphere, and don't you forget it.
Carl Rretzeps Weekly.