Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1885-01-22
The Alarm.
"Burglars |" cried Mr.. Jones.

one after the other lights flashed In the
upper rooms, and hastily draped forms
appeared at the bed room doors like the
signal figures of barometer.
Jones and son followed each other
down stairs, one with poker and the
other with croquet mallet, and the
street door was found open, and a silk
umbrella and two hats had vanished
from the rack. Jones senior believed
that he saw two heels vanishing around
the corner and yelled "police,:' but on
ly the echoes answered him and, after
careful search of the house and la
mentations over the hats and umbrella,
the Jones family returned to their pill
lows, though each one declared next
morning that he or she had not closed
an eye.
"And the worst of it is," said Mrs.
Jones, "they'll be here again. When
burglars determine to enter house
they always do it,
''I know fellow'.who has splendid
dog that he'll sell" said Master Jones.
"The 6ercest fellow !; bite piece out of
you as soon as he looks at you. I'll get
him if:you like, and We can turn him
iuto the hall at nights"
"Thank you," said Mrs. Jones. "I'd
rs soon have my throat cut.by burglars
as.to be torn to pieces by a savage dog"
"But he'd know us all in few
days." said young Jones. "Pa, don't
you think It's the best plan p-the big
gest fellow; you ought to hear him
howl"
"a dog is impossible in city house
with four feet of garden ground" said
Mr.. Jones, shut I'll buy an alarm and
pistol and keep it loaded under my
pillow"
"Then shall sleep elsewhere" said
Mr.. Jones. "No. I'll sit up all night,
every night, until 1 die, before that
shall be done.
"All women are idiots" said Mr..
Jones.
"All:men are crazy" said Mrs. Jones.
"But you shall have your way and
shoot your family if you like. That al
ways comes of having firearms about"
"Let them come in and murder US,
then," said Mr.. Jones. 81 suppose you
object to the alarm, too."
But finally the alarm was decided up
on and purchased and attached to all
the doors and windows on the lower
floor and two days after this was done
Mr.. Jones being obliged to leave home |
on business, congratulated himself up
on his promptitude of action.
"With this alarm you are quite safe,
my DEAR" he said as he took his de-
parture. "The minute you hear it, op-
en- the windows and scream for the po-
nceman."
Mr.. Jones then stepped into the car
riaye, which whirled him to q train |
which conveyed him Tn distant city.
There he became very much occupied
with certain important affairs, and
when he had been absent month for
got all about the burglars as well as all
about the alarm.
The letters from home did not men,
tion it, and so it passed entirely from
his memory and, as at las. he found
himself on his homeward way upon
night train which he had taken quite
unexpectedly-for he had written the
day before that he should not be back
for week-it occurred to him that his
arrival would be delightful surprise
for the family. He had his latchkey
with him, and he quite chuckled over
the thought of letting himself IN and
being found snug in bed next morning.
won't there be time 10 he said to
himself. "Mall scream. The girls-I
can hear 'em laugh. And Sam, will
pretend not to be astonished-ha, ,ha,
ha 10
So,with his portmanteau in his hand,
Mr.. Jones, haying reached his home,
ascended the steps of his domicile and
deliberately but softly proceeded to op-
en- his front door.
AS he did So the alarm was sprung, a
racket and jingle filled the house, and
simultaneously Mrs. Jones, the Misses
Jones. Master Jones, the cook, the
chambermaid and the waiter thrust
their heads out of the windows and
screamed "Police 70
Almost as they did so two clubs
struck the pavement and two giants in
uniform seized Mr.. Jones by the arms.
"Ah, got you this time," cried one of
them. We've been looking for you
for some time, too.'
"Let me CO." said MI. Jones. 81 live
here. lisa mistake"
"Yes, I've no doubt of it it's a mis-
take." said the policeman.
"But tell them-tell them let me Of
FER proof" pleaded Mr.. Jones. ''They
all know me; tell them it's Mr.. JONES'"
"He says it's Mr.. JONES'" cried the
policeman to nightcap and shawl at
the window.
my husband is in Chicago" said
Mrs. Jones.
But she peeped out nervously. How