The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-06-18


Tho Astronomical william Almost Makes
Up His Mind 10 Retire from Scientific
Research.
There is much in the great field of
astronomy that is discouraging to the
savant who hasn't the time nor means
10 rummage around through the heav-
ems. At times / am almost hopeless,
and feel like saying to the great. yearn-
1ul, hungry world, "Grope on forever
DO not ask me for another scientific
fact. Find it out yourself. Hunt up
your own new-laId planets, and let me
have a rest. Never ask me again to sit
up all night and take care of new
born world whilo you lie in bed and
reck not"
1 get no salary for examining the
trackless void night after night when
ought to be in bed. L sacrifice my
health in order that the public may
know, at once, of the presence of a
red-hot comet, fresh from the factory.
And yet, what thanks do get?
Then, again, you take certain style
OF star, which, you learn from Pro-
fessor Simon Newcomb, is at such a
distance that it takes $4,000 years for
its light to reach Boston. Now, we
will suppose that, after looking over
the large stock of new and secondhand
stars, and after examining the spring
catalogue and price-list, / decide that
one of the smaller size will do me and
buy it. How do / know it was there
when bought it Its cold and silent
rays may have ceased $4,000 years be-
fore / was born and the intelligence be
still on the way. There is too much
margin between sale and delivery.
Every now and then another astrono-
mer comes to me and says: Professor,
l have discovered another new star and
intend to file it. Found it last night
about a mile and half south CT the
zenith, running loose. Haven't heard
of anybody who has lost star of the
fifteenth magnitude, about thirteen
hands high, with light name and tail,
have you?' Now, how do / know that
he has discovered brand-new star
How do know whether he is or is not
playing an old, threadbare star on me
for a new one?
We are told that there has been no
perceptible growth or decay in the star
business since man began to roam
around through space, in his mind, and
chalk, showing the celestial time table.
No serious accidents have occurred
in the starry heavens since L began to
observe and study their habits. Not
star has waXed, not star has waned
to my knowledge. Not q planet has
season-cracked or shown any of the in
furious effects of our rigorous climate.
Not a star has ripened prematurely or
fallen off the trees. The varnish on
the very oldest stars 1 find, on close
and critical examination, to be in splen-
did condition. They will all, no doubt,
wear as long as we need them, and
wink on long after we have ceased to
wink back.
In 1866 there appeared suddenly in
the northern crown a star of about the
third magnitude, and worth at least
$3.50. 1t was generally conceded by
astronomers that this was a brand-new
star that had never been used, but
upon consulting Argelander's star cata-
logue and price list it was found that
this was not new star at all, but an
old, faded-out star of the ninth magni-
tude, with the front breadths turned
wrong side out and trimmed with
moonlight along the seams.
After few days of phenomenal
brightness it gently ceased to draw
salary as a star of the third magnitude,
and walked home with an Uncle Toms
Cabin company.
1t is such. things as this that make
the life of the astronomer one of con-
slant and discouraging toll. / have
long contemplated, as say, the advis-
ability of retiring from this field of
science and allowing others to light
the northern lights, skim the milky
way, and do other celestial chores L
would do it myself, cheerfully, if my
health would permit, but for years L
have realized, and so has my wife, that
my duties as an astronomer kept me up
too much at night, and my wife is GER
tainly right about it when she says if /
insist on scanning the heavens night
after night, coming home late with the
cork out of my telescope and my eyes
red and swollen with these exhausting
night vigils, will be cut down in my
prime. So am liable to abandon the
great labor to which / had intended to
devote my life, my dazzling genius and
my princely income. hope that other
savants will spare me the pain of re-
fusal, for my mind is fully made up
that, unless another skimmist is at
once secured, the milky way will hence
forth remain unskum.- Blu Nye.
Rattlesnake Oil.
/ have heard, within very modern