The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-08-13
THE MERRY SIDE!

| DOLn get 1nlUey III rOIto0neSS.
They arrested William Belt at Newark, for
burglary. They ought to "stretch" him.
| s.,
A fashion note says ''short hair is all the
rage" Yes, and often the result of it, too.
Prohibition speaker to Senator Sherman:
"Here's at you! as the skunk said to the boy.''
| 1t is said that "Germany don't trust France
We don't see why-she can whip her and make
her pay.
Revivalst Sam Jones said that he 'singed the
Sinners" in a recent sermon. Perhaps Sam
gave 'em blazes.
Black Jack Logan is writing book of MEM
oirs And Black Jack will tell the truth, in
plain English.
The Prohibitionists in Ohio have started an
organ. 1t will work like a hand-organ drive
everybody away.
Capt. Ericsson, the invetor, is eighty-two.
But he was too old for the Rebs more than
twenty years ago.
| If the Democrats nominate Hoadly for Gov
ernor, they should spike him. He's liable to go
off, at a critical period.
Maud s. has been sent to the Providence R. I.
Race Track, and hopes, with the help of Provi-
dence, to beat her record.
Wade Hampton was shot and killed in Ken
lucky last week. Wade was a colored man, and
was attacking doggery when killed.
"You ought to be ashamed to be found
drunk!" said the abstainer to an unfortunate
friend. "Haw, theze mighty TIGHT times!"
The fight between the Commercial Gazette
and the Prohibtionists is getting warm and in
teresting. "May the Divil take the hindmost !'
The expenditures of the Ohio Penitentiary
last year exceeded the receipts by more than
thirteen thousand dollars. This is Democratic
Reform.
"Secretary Whitney wants an investigation ="
says Washington dispatch. Give it to him!
Let it be before Probate Judge, with physi-
clan in attendance.
1t is claimed that Cleveland's intention is to
make his message to Congress an able State
Paper" Its ability will depend on its brevity.
Grover.
Sharon, the millionaire, is keeping out of
reach of the woman-HiI-who claims to be
his wife. She's bound to be Sharon his for
tunes, or kill somebody.
-
A sentimental writer, speaking of song, says
"Home, Sweet Home,'' strikes popular cord.'
Yes, and it sometimes strikes a man over the
head too.
What is the use of the market reports saying
"Stocks are dull on Wall Street." when SO
many people get their fingers cut in handling
them?
at he don't the
justice in Western city refusing to permit two
bruisers to fight, when they issue marriage Ii
censes in the same town.
+.*
The public are not permitted to go to the 1oof
of the Washington Monument This will be
sad news to the countless cranlks who were
making preparations to jump off.
Over two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
in silver are said to have been issued from the
mints last month. But this must be a mistake.
We haven't seen dollar of it.
The Prohibition party of Ohio heard of
youth who ran up into the Alps crying excel
sior!'' and froze to DEATH They would mimic
his tragic enthusiasm.
81
Louis Riel, leader of the Half-Breed Insurrec-
ton in the North West, is to be hung. Louis
affects to believe that the 'chug' of the rope
lights the lamp of immortal glory for him.
Although the season is sckly, may eat
five or six roasting-ears at meal, with impun-
ity. But to eat more that this is to act the hog,
and court cholera morbus.
The Democrats abused the Republicans round
ly for nominating Rebel General as candidate
for Governar of Virginia, then went and did
the same thing. But possibly they had better
right!
A"Russian Count" died in the Ohio Peniten-
tiary, a few days ago. His name was Censivie
ski, but he was sent up as Ed. Neville, for biga-
my. This should be warning to Russian
Counts 10 stay out of the Ohio Penitentiary.
A stad old lady, seeing some young folks ex
hibiting levity at a funeral, cried: What a
notifying spectacle" "a relative ran right
off to raise a row with the Undertaken, think
ing she meant the corpse.
Joe Bowers, of Greenup Co., KY, came over
to South Point, Ohio and arrested a citizen of
Ohio without a warrant. Catching Joe in Iron
ton Marshal Morgan put him in jail. Mourn
full is the song of Joe Bowers.
Alex Phillips, of Higginsport, was murdered
while lighting his pipe. Yet the reckless men
will go on, lighting their pipes, just though
death were not glaring through every Whit of
smoke.
AT West Sonora, Ohio, some workmen struck
into an old log hut, over forty feet under
ground. We protest against this. Keep this
up, and the first thing you know you will dig
up a whole Democratic Township.
friend of Vice President Hendricks in
the that that Uantlaman sis getting
too old" to desire Presidential nomination in
'SS. Don't you believe it! A Democrat don't get
too old to want an office.
A Memphis colored editor attempted to ex-
pose the secrets of Odd Fellowship, and mob
of coIored Odd Fellows-with faces painted
white-compelled him to travel by the light of
the moon, in his night clothes. There was an
other exposure" not down on the bills
"Did you notice the great strength of Miss
Snffie's voice?" said young lady to her old
bachelor escort. "Aw, yes-but 'tisn't musical
culture which gives it strength. mo? Then
pray what is it ?" "Onions!"
1t is said that The Mormons of Utah have be-
lief that the President of the Mormon Church
will in few years be King of the United States.
The glory of his realm will probably consist in
getting his portl ait upon a Royal Baking Pow
der package.
sThere was case in our neighborhood," said
the wag to the quack doctor, ain which the
treatment was electric in its effect"-
"What was the nature of it?' eagerly inquile ed
the quaclz, fondly shaking bottle of his favor
ite mixture.
"He was struck by lightning!"
"Do you think he is beating his record?"
asked the owner of a scrubby horse, of friend,
as the animal was waddling and wheeling
around the course.
"Oh, moi" was the reply, "he isn't going any
slower than he did befOre!''
Ben. LIE Fevre says the Democratic candidate
campaign documents will reach their destina-
~ i,,n In aIl of ha