davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
Waking The Wrong Passenger,

The Albany Journal gives the
following as the origin of the
phrase "W Waking up the wrong pass
enger:" In 1889, when visitors to
Chicago travelled there by stage, a
famous old pioneer named John
Oldershaw made the journey from
Buffalo to the West. He was a
hard drinker, but in those days
whisky didn't hurt a man much.
Before leaving Buffalo John made
bargain with the driver, that he
was to be walked up every hour
when asleep, in order to take his
medicine with the accustomed regu-
larity. The scheme worked well
until they came within days drive
of Chicago. There were only two
passengers in tue coach, and they
had evidently discovered what was
going on. AS the journey was
near it's end all hands agreed to ride
all night in order to reach Chicago
in the morning. With many in
functions to the driver not to forget
his bargain old John went to sleep.
When he had begun to snOre, one
of the other passengers crowded
him out of his place and sat down
in his corner, exchanged his
own hat for Johns cOOnskin,
and pretended to be asleep. All
night long the deception was kept
up, the driver stopping every hour,
nudging the man that he supposed
was Oldershaw, and giving him his
bitters. When Chicago was reached
John found himself in his own cor
ner, but he knew he had no whisky,
and he became so furious that they
had to put him under guard. He
sued the stage company for dam
ages, and after ten years of litiga'
ton got a judgment for $1,000
That is what came of waking up the
wrong passenger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
Hobbies Of the Hygienistss

There were several dozen of the
hygienists in council, each with his
individual hobby. Each thought
all the others were wrong. Each
was sure that his own hobby was
the only correct one. Agentleman
present said he had taken Browns
Iron Bitters for debility and dys-
pepsia, and, though he didn't want
to make fuss about it, he knew
the use of this great tonic to be bet
ter than all the notions he had
heard advanced in the council
One practical cure is worth thou.
sands OF guesses and notions. Thou
sands of fhappy convalescents speak
gratefully of Browns Iron Bitters.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
rk-TwIstIng In Church.

4 good story is told of an eccen-
trio old parson who was sOrely an
noyed by a habit his people had ac-
quired Cand which prevails, by the
way, in all other churches, even now
and hereabOuts to some eXtent OF
twisting their necks around every
time anybody entered the door and
passed up the aisle OF tue meeting
house, to see what mauncr Of person
it might be.
Wearlcd with the annoyance, the
old man exclaimed, OH Sunday
"Brethrcn, if you will only cease
turning your heads around, when
ever the door opens, and will keep
your attention on me, / will promise
to tell you, as | preach, who it IS
that comes in."
Accordingly he went OH with the
services, and presently made stop
as one of the deacons entered, say
ing:
"That is Deacon -, who keeps
the grocery opposite"
And thus he announced In turn
the advent of each individual, pro-
ceeding the while with his sermon
compoSedly as the circumstances
would admit, when at last a stranger
came in, when he cried out;
"a little man in green spectacles
and . drab OvercOat-dOn't know
him-you can all turn around anu
look for yourselves this time"
1t is hardly necessary to add that
the good man carried his point, anC
there was but little neck-twistinl
seen in his congregation after thai
day.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
The Remedy.

The other day my friend AcPhail
Was stricken with disease.
We knew twas not cold, because
With that you have 10 sneeze;
IL could not be fever, for
With fevers yOu are hot,
And so we really could not tell
What sickness he had got.
The first day he began TO grim
The second day TO giggle
The third day snickering sat in
And kept his face a-wriggle.
The fourth day il was haw haw haw
The fifth perfect roar,
And every hour the man grew worse
And scared US more and more.
The doctors came, and, looking wise
They said they never saw
A case like this before. McPhail
Just rOared out haw haw haw
The windows ratified in their sash,
The wise men startled grew
And said they thought his funny-bOne
Congested through and through.
Perhaps, they said, it might be well
To talk of something sad;
To fix his thoughts on solemn things
Was all the hope they had.
So we sat down with faces grave,
All IN mOurnful row,
And talked Of sorrow, death, and sin
Til tears began TO flow.
Alas he only laughed the more
To see the tears we shed.
Twas plain this treatment wouldn't do
" No hope for him." we said.
So we gave up in sad dispair,
And left him to his fate,
In tears, just as we heard a sound
Of some one at the gate.
'McPbail, here comes your mOtheTn-lsw,
We said. The roaring stopped,
His features lost their funny look;
His jaw that moment dropped.
Since then he has not laughed or smiled
He's solemn as you please,
But seems TO think the remedy
Was worse than the disease.
Bill JOHei
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
JUDGE LYNCH. "

The origin OF this term has been
variously accounted for. Some
say that in the early days of Vir-
ginia it became the practice in the
western part, now the Piedmont
districts, to refer all legal contro-
versies to the foremost men in those
parts. One Of these, by the name
of Lynch, became quite celebrated
for the good Judgment and justice
which he showed in these nnauthor-
lied judicial functions, and was
known as Judge Lynch. His name
was easily transferable to the
methods he had adopted. Others
claim that Mr.. Lynch, the founder
of Lynchburg, Va, is answerable
for the name, though in Just what
manner the authorities do not state.
Another derivation comes from one
Lynch who was sent to the Ameri-
can waters to suppress piracy, and
he is thought to have had authority
from the homo government to
punish summarily these rovers OF
the high seas without any formal
legal trial.
Still others state that its origin
is due to James Fitzstephen Lynch,
the mayor of Galway, Ireland, in
1863. This man traded largely in
Spain. On one occasion he sent
his son thther to purchase cargo
OF VINE. The young Irishman
managed to get rid Of the money
with which he had been entrusted.
He ran in debt tor the cargo to q
Spaniard, whose son or nephew
was to accompany him back to
Ireland for the money due OH the
wine. The young scrapegrace
caused the Spaniard to be thrown
overheard to conceal his own de.
falcation. Great honor was paid
the successful young merchant.
The old saying that murder will
out proved true in his case. A
sailor upon his dying bed confessed
the crime. The young man was
tried before his own father, con-
victed and sentenced to be hanged,
The family and friends determined
to prevent the execution il posi-
BILE. The father, like the old Ro-
man Brutus, determined that his
sons life should pay the penalty o
his crime, and seeing that he
could not carry out the sentence il
the usual way tried an expedient.
He took his son up Il winding
stairs to window overlooking the
public street and with his own
hands fastened the rope about hi
sons neck to a staple in the wall
and himself acted as eIecutloner
Cleveland Plaindealer.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

the woman. lie went to the rail
road station and sat in Il dark
corner until a train came along.
Nearly two years passed. About
a month ago he met his wife accl'
dentally in Chicago. Old acqualnt-
ance was renewed and the old love
reasserted itself. The marriage
license and the marriage followed
in due course. That saved troub-
lesomc explanations. And if Her
mann had any superstitious ideas
that the fates had decreed against
his union to the one woman the
world had for him they are all
gone.-ChicagO Tribune.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
A Wonderful Discovery.

Consnmptives and all, who suffer
from any affection of the throat and
lungs, can find a certain cure in DIR.
Kings New Discovery for Con.
sumption. Thousands Of perma.
nent cures verify the truth of this
statement. No medicine can show
such a record of wonderful cures.
Thousands of once hopeless suffer.
ers now gratefully proclaim they
owe their lives to this New Discov.
cry. 1t will cost you nothing to
give it a trial. Free trial bottles at
b. Schmitts drug store. Large
size, Sl.00.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Susan did na marry le fer yer
wealth, since ye had none; aud !
did na marry ye for yer beauty
that all the congregation can see;
and if yer hae not grace | hac
made "a sere bargain wi YER She
slept no more.
Not few of the yagarles of the
pulpit have been directed against
sleeping sinners. Robert Halls
audience were composed of those
asleep and those going to sleep
despite the fact that his sermons
were the most brilliant of the age.
Sidney Smith said that some ser
mons are written as if sin were to
be taken out of man, like Eve out
of Adam, by putting him to sleep.
Doctor Barrow once preached so
long and so dull sermon that
everybody left the church but the
sexton and himself. Finally the
sexton, seeing no prospect of the
long.winded divine coming to a
conclusion, cried out; Sir, here
are the keys; please to lock up the
church when you are through with
the sermon.
There have been many odd ways
devised by dull preachers to over
come the desire on the part of their
congregation to slnmber. A New
York minister, who was holding
forth in Il style that ought to have
kept them awake, but, being un.
successful, he suddenly stopped
and said: Brethren, | have
preached about half of my sermon,
and | perceive that twenty-five or
thirty of my congregation are fast
asleep. shall postpone the de.
/ livery of the rest of my sermon
until they wake up" For five min
utes there was a dead pause, a
Suppressed litter, a good deal OF
looking around, signs of rnstling
uneasiness, and the preacher con
cluded.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
Not a Single Gray Hair.

"You may laugh and think me vain
thing" writes Mrs. J. R. c., OF San Fran
cisco, TO friend in this city, but have
not gray hair ia my head, and yet (sad
to say / am fifty and day. Recently
my hair was not only quite gray but quite
thin, too. ParkeTs Hair Balsam-made
in New York, | think-did wonders for
me. Try ii if you have occasion. 1t real
ly does what say, and restores the color
sIso.D Not dye, not greasy, highly per-
fumed. Only reliable SOC. dressing.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
Perhaps He Was Not Asleep.

The old man snOred on his cOrn-husk bed,
And dreamed Of rails and fodder and
grain,
But his daughter watched by her window
sill,
For the gay young man to come up the
lane.
o, love is mighty-and bolts are weak
To restrain a fellow that believes in check.
Hither. my dove in soft tones came
From under her window. Out in the
night
She slid from a clothes-line, all prepared,
And in less than a minute was out Of
sight,
While the rowdy old owl sang out I" toe
hoo ~
And they both sksdaddled 10 Kalamazoo
The sun was up and the old man woke,
He missed his daughter and saw the
racket
And he spied a note in her vacant room
Stuck in the crack Of walnut bracket
He read 1t slowly and quietly said
" DoggOne good thing that | went to bed.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

sis there harmony in your
church, asked the presiding eld-
or.
"There is, there is," replied Dea'
con Ramsgate, "pertect harmony ;
we have dismissed the pastor, dis
charged the organst, compelled
the choir to resign, discontinued
the Sabbath and weekday meet
ings, discharged the sexton, and
expelled about One-hali the mem
bers, aud white winged peace now
broods softly within the walls ol
this branch of the earthly Zion.
Harmony believe the very an
gels envy u.s.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
TAR. B. F. MAPHIS & BRO.
- -Dentists.-

oyyieEs: wOOestoch and saum'Vllie' NlIsin'S l.s
In voedstock. ist and Sd weeks OF eaon non'H
n, s.nmsvils "a aud 4th weeks. 49,. .....a..-
IN -. an ned of nrs, class Dentistry 81 mooer-
s's -. N Artinclal teeth from 500 70 tIOo'
t2ss t. ISo eo3 slings from ti2s to 5000. Silver
aIsngs from 7se. 70 500. ~, -. ao,A and
a.ilsosd combinston, csllsoid and Rubber Rsstsi
cold sad Porcelain rivo,ins' D,sse,vse S me na-
.sssh nnd oorrscting the irregularities
IN ~orf warranted hrst class. D.,
~ Teeth attracted absolutely ~i'hou' pam "
hs ,se Of Nitrous Oxide6as
March iS,-tL
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
VOL. 65.
THE OLD SCHOOL HOUSE.

There is an old school house,
II stands upon a hill;
,Tis built of yellow sandstone,
think see it still
Glistening in the sunlight,
Just as it did Of yore,
When, a fair-baired, barefoot lad,
entered through the door.
Its walls are square and solid,
And pointed is its roof;
Constructed for duration,
Against the storms It's proof
But the good souls that planned It
Long since have passed away;
The hands so strong that reared II
Have mOldered back to clay.
All, well DO remember
Those days 80 sweet and fair;
The sun came up in beauty,
And balmy was the air;
The grass was wet with dew-drOps,
And bathed my naked feet;
While meadow lark and robin
Made melody so sweet.
trudged then to that scbool-house
With freshly-buttered bread
Within my dinner-basket-
BY mother hands twas spread
Her kiss was on my forehead,
And can ne'er forget
Those loving eyes so tender;
see them smiling yet.
And gathered there were playmates
Bright boys and rosy girls;
Floating on the air again,
| see those golden curls,
hear the merry laughter,
The shout and lusty call,
And join the jolly pastime,
In race, and bat and ball.
hear the Ginning school-bell,
Its mem'ry will not die,
The call 70 which | listened
And quickly did comply;
Nor how we took our places,
Each in his chosen seat;
0, how the stiffness settled
As quiet grew our feet.
Nor those long hours Of study;
How drOwsily they passed
Those days were each like ages,
So long they seemed TO last
But joyful was the moment
When we were all dismissed,
And around our patient teacher
We gathered TO be kissed.
o days so bright and golden
0 days Of life's best June
Like open morning-glories
Ye closed up all too soon.
With misty eyes l see you,
And beautiful ye seem
Again will ye not greet me
Beyond the mystic stream
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

In some English country houses
now people draw lots as to whom
they shall sit next at dinner, and,
on the whole, it ans wers very well,
and gives much more variety than
going in order of rank.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
God Bless the Dear Fireside,
BY GEORGE BIRDsEYE.

BY GEORGE BIRDsEYE.
Come, let us gather round the hearth,
Lull every care TO rest
There is no spot DER all the earth
With deeper loving blest.
'Tis here the face a smile may wear
The heart may fill with pride,
And offer up 10 heaven the PRAYER -
"God bless the dear iresidew
The world without is chill and cold,
November skies are drear;
But homes that fond affections hold
Give welcome and good cheer.
So let us gather closer yet,
And heart 10 heart cOnfde,
While in our prayers we ne'er forget
"GOd bless the dear fresidew
We've been together now for years,
Entwined in loves dear chains;
We've shared each others hopes and fears,
We've shared our joys and pains;
God keep our family circle whole
Let naught our loves dividel
o, hear the longings Of each soul
God bless the dear hreside."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
Very Remarkable Recovery.

Mr.. Geo. V. Willing, OF Manches-
ter, Mich gan, writes: " My wife
has been almost helpless for five
wears, so helpless that she could
not turn over in bed alone. She
used two bottles of Electric Bltters,
and is 80 much improved, that she
is able now to do her own WORK" :"
Electric Bitters will do all that Is
claimed for them. Hundreds OF
testimonials attest their great cura-
tive powers. Only fifty cents a
bottle at b. Schmtt's.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Culprit-Yes, sab, | tuck de
chicken. | was gwineter make some
chicken pie, and took de cook book
and read de direcshuns, and hit
says: "Take one chicken" Hit
don't say buy one chicken, or bor'
ry one chicken, bnt hit says, take
one chicken. Hit don't say whose
chicken ter take, so | jess tuck de
fust one | could lay my hands on.
I follered de direcshuns, sab, in de
book"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Do YOU wish a beautiful complex
ion ? Then use Ayers Sarsaparilla.
It cleanses and puri6es the blood,
and thereby removes blOtches and
pimples from the skin, making II
smooth and clear, and giving it a
bright and healthy appearance.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Some people think it very funny
to laugh at a policeman, but we
have passed through the city
several times late at night and seen
nothing to laugh at.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
The Wicked Girl.

ny r. d. WRIGHT.
She was lying
In a hammock, softly signing
In her sleep.
Vulgar people call it snoriug)
To her side silent creep.
Ah, how fair
From tiny foot 10 golden hair
Her / love,
And the rose upon her cheek
Outshines the rose that twines above.
But the breeze.
Stealing softly through tho trees,
Moves a rose,
And a petal gently parted
Falls like dew upon her nose.
How she quivers
And from bead 10 foot she shivers
As she cries,
Half in dreamy, vexed awakening,
Half unconscious, "D--D the hies "
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Did you ever really know a wo.
man too busy to run to the parlor
window to look at neighbor with
new bonnet.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

TO find friends when We have no
need of them, and TO want them
when we have, are both alike easy
and common.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

DR. T. +. LOCKE,
IL SURGEON DENTIST.
OFFICE: Main St., opp. the Court House.
WOODSTOCK, VIRGINIA.
Artificial teeth inserted in any manner
desired. Careful attention gwen 70 M.
ing and extracting. Parents shoulu oi.ns
amined, and procure iniorinstlon 'nS' "'''
O' vi go ,,narenteed. Prices moderate.
M w. July 10, 'o5.-ly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Some one says: Man is born
to rule the world Yes, but he
sometimes gets married. Boston
Post.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

Cleanse the blood with Ayers
sarsaparrilla, and realize how far
down in the scale Of health you
have been living.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

The fisherman and the shepherd
must be a hard lot. They live by
hook and crook.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28


A negro broughtsuit in a Mitch
ell County Justices Court for pos
session of two shoats and a SOW
and pigs, aud gained it. His law
yer, as soon as the case was decid.
ed, settled the fees for himself,
Squire A., the lawyer on the other
side, and the court. "Well, Joe,
Squire A. will take one of the
shoats, I'll take the other one, the
Judge will take the SOW and pigs,
and you've gained the case."-Ma-
con Ca Telegraph.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

A young lady asked a middle
aged gentleman to dance with her.
He answered that he would be de.
lighted. He took his position with
his arm around her waist, as it was
to be waltz; but when the music
began he remained stock still for
quite an embarrassing space. When
his pretty partner inquired why he
did not proceed, he unblushingly
answered, "This is all | know
about it,"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

She had a hard trial with him
during his life, but had meekly
borne her lot. Now the end had
come, and he was passing away.
As she leaned over him he looked
and said family, 81 am going"
and he went. "He's gone," she
said, wiping her eyes; "poor tel
low, it's the first time ever knew
him to keep his wOrd.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

A Texas man bet that he could
invent a question to which fifty
people would give the same answer.
He won the bet. The question
was:
Have you heard that Smith has
committed suicide 7"
The answer in each case was:
What Smith r.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
A q. WYNKOOP,
JSo. l. KILLE'

.,v,g JSo. L. KILLKA
UTALKER & KELLER.
w ATTORNEYS-AT-LAN,
WooDsrocK, VIRGINIA.
w Office on Court Street.
one member Of the firm will be IN MI
jackson from 3 o'clock THURSDAY i ai.ei-
noon, until SATURDAY night Of e"cn "''N'
Ofice over Irwin's Drug store
Msy 7 'st-i
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
SHENANDOAH HERALD
ADVERTISING RATES.
PLENTY OF CLUES.

A boy about twelve years old re-
ported to a policeman the other
day that robbery had occurred
at their home under very mys-
terious circumstances. The sum OF
S25, which was in china vase on
a bracket, had been taken.
"Were any of the doors or win
dows found openF asked the Off
Ger.
"No.7
"Any visitors in the house who
might have taken it y
"NO."
"And you haven't picked up any
clues, eh y
"That's the trouble, sir-there's
clues till you can't rest. | want to
gooff aud camp out, and dad thinks
| cribbed the money. Dad wants
to 90 to Chicago, aud marin thinks
he's got it. Marin wants new
summer wrap, and dad says she
clawed them ducats for sure. The
hired girl is going to be married
next week, and dad and marin aud
me believe she raked in the money
to 90 Oh a bridal tour. Tell you
what, mister, when | see how many
clues can be picked up on a little
case like this it makes me anxious
to know who will come out on tOp.D
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28
DR A. MARTIN,
SURGEON @ DENTIST,

Respectfully informs the public that
ne has resumed the practice OF his pro-
sssIon orders left. at the store oil L. .
Fravel, in Woodstock. wlllreceive pro-
upt attention
Jan. 18th If.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-08-28

"Now, them" said busy lawyer
to one of a number of waiting eli
ents, "you are next, sir"
"pm whatp
4" Next"
No YOU DON'T said the client,
moving toward the door. 6. didn't
come in here to get shaved"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-08-06

ana good imam of Godn who planted
the germ of that good work. in beau
tilul, picturesque Arcadia ValIey. some
tnlng like half a century ago. Nav
MS life be spared that he NAV be pres.
ent on your anniversary day. and that
presence crown that anniversary with
such satisfactory gladness as no 9TH
er mortal presence can. Again regret
ting that L cannot be with YOU. and
sending most hearty wishes for suc-
cessfuI enjoyment of the occasion.
| am Yours, etc.,
THOS. ESSEX.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-08-06
ST.. IOUIS Julv 18th 1eS5


Dear J1dge-I have just received
the Arcadia circular inviting me to be
present at tho proposed reunion on
2Sth inst.
Nothing that I can conceive of mong
the possibilities would give me great
er pleasure.
Those of us who were connected with
the old Institution ought to meet an
nually, and renew our friendship and
our esprit du corps.
If am in the State at the time I
shall be there, but as it is barely pos
sible may go off on Summer expe-
dion of business and pleasure, I may
miss it. Hence you need not put me
down for speech, but if get there /
shall have something to say.
But if shall be personally absent,
give the "boys" my sincere greeting,
and assure them that am with them
in spirit. Faithfully, Yours,
W. s RELFE