Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-12-11
The Man Who Talked Too. Much.

The Man Who Talked Too Much.
He slipped into an ice cream saloon
very softly, and, when the girl asked
him what he wanted, he replied:
'Corned beef, fried potatoes, pickles
and mince pie" lsS.
'"This is not q restaurant; this is an
ice-cream parlor, = she said. ..#
| "Then why did you ask me what
| wanted? Why don't you bring on your
ice-cream?' $780,. '..s..' s.~~, ~,
She went after it, and, as she re
turned, he continued: =. =
"You see, my dear girl, you must in
fer-you must reason. 1t isn't likely
that / would come into an ice-cream
parlor to buy a grindstone, is it? You
don't think l come in here to ask if you
had any baled hay, did your"
She looked at him in great surprise
and he went on: +.
If l owned a hardware store, and
you came III, Iwould infer that you
wanted something in my line. would
not step out and ask if you wanted to
buy q mule, would II"
She went away highly indignant.
An old lady was devouring o dish of
cream at the next table, and the stran-
ger, after watching her afew moments,
called out:
"My dear woman, have you found
any hairs or buttons in your dish?'
"Mercy, no!' she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around, and dropped her
spoon.
"Well, I'm glad of it," he continued.
II you find any, just let me know"
She looked at him for half minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down
again, and then rose and left thereon.
She must have said something to the
proprietor, for he came running in and
! exclaimed:
"Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice,
cream?"
"No, sir!'
"You didn't?'
"No, sir, I did not; merely request
| ed her, in case she found any such in
gradients, to inform me-"
"Well, sir, that was mean trick. "
'My dear sir" said the stranger
smiling softly, Ibid you expect me to
| ask the woman if she found a. crow-bar
Or a sledge-hammer in her cream? 1t is
impossible, sir, for such articles to hide
in such a small dish.''
The proprietor went away growing,
and as the stranger quietly slipped
away at his cream, two young ladies
came in, sat down near him, and or
dered some cream and cake He wait
ed till they had eaten little, and then
Remarked:
BEG pardon, ladies, but do you OBJ
s serve "a: anything, peculiar in the taste Of
They tasted, and smacked their lips,
and were not exactly certain.
"Does it taste to you as If q plug OF
| tobacco had fallen into the freezer?''
| he asked : =
"Ah! Kah!" they exclaimed, and
tried to spit out what they had eaten
Both rushed out, and it wasn't long
before the proprietor rushed in.
"See here, what in blazes are you
talking about?" he demanded. "What
do you mean by plug tobacco in the
| freezer?"
"NIy kind friend, I asked those Ia
dies II this ice-cream tasted of plug to
bacco. don taste any such taste
and don't believe that you put bit
OF plug tobacco in it"
"Well You don't want to talk that
way around here" continued the pro
prietor. my ice-cream is pure, and
the man who says it is not, is n bold
liar!"
Re went away again, and q woman
with a long neck and O. sad face sat
down and said to the girl that she
would take a small dish of lemon ice
cream.
It was brought, and she took about
two mouthfuls, when the stranger in.
quired:
Excuse me, madam, but do you
know how this cream was made? have
you any idea that they crate turnip
and chalk with the cream?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose
up, wheeled around and made for the
door. The stranger followed after.
By great luck his coat-tails cleared the
door an instant too soon to bestruck
by a five-pound box of figs, hurled with
great force by the indignant propri-
etor. AS he reached the curbstone he
halted, looked at the door of the par
lor, and solilouuized:
"There are times when people should
infer, and then there are times when
they shouldn't. I suppose if I had
asked that woman if she thought they
hashed up g saw-mill in the cream,
she'd have felt a circular saw going
down her throat"