The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-11-05

Some time ago i wandered into q
dime museum, to mingle for few min
utes with other people who, like my
self, make living without work, by
simply trying to entertain the public.
! did not expect to see anything that
would make me lament that was not
born without arms, or regret that /
was not killed in the army; but came
very near doing both before got out.
1 went into the museum with q simple
confiding faith that dimes worth of
recreation would quicken my liver and
do me good on general principles, but
1 came out shortly afterward with the
about ruined, all my vital organs badly
damaged, and the remainder of my
viscera in badly shook-up condition.
A young woman, with smile as
sunny as harvest-time in Italy, was
seated on one of the platforms, fan
ming herself with self-possession that
must have been hereditary in her fam
lily. She was chewing gum with vigor
that made it look as though she got
paid for doing it, and was trying to
work off her photograph on IN old gen.
tleman with scarcity of hair in front
who stood tremulous before her. 1
don't think she could have been any
more anxious to sell the picture if she
had known that its possession would
keep measles ont of the old mans fam
lily for nine generations to come.
took in the situation at glance, and
with sagacity that has been acquired
by long practice, l concluded at once
that the old fellow had either been
leaving off his fannels or that he was
badly mashed on the damsel and con-
siderably agitated in consequence.
Later developments convinced me that
he was suffering from nervous prostra-
ton, and was at that moment not yet
recovered from the dazed condition in
which man finds himself when he falls
from the housetop or gets the wrong
end of the stick in horse trade.
As approached the young woman
gave me look with sugar in it, and
held out her hand as sociable as can
didate on the morning before election.
Witha cordiality of manner generally
have with me at such times / lifted
my hat. and with a bow that broke a
suspender reached forth the honest
Ddllil bnab DCnS bnCoO tlh<1oy anu tiiC hCAo
instant felt q thunderbolt fly through
my system without regard to conse-
quences, leaving trail of something
ned-hot behind it. / gasped for breath
and frightened my grip ON her hand.
She returned the pressure with gen.
tie squeeze that melted my toe nails and
l6osened the heels on my boots. / felt
myself doubling up like two-foot rule,
and made grab at her with my other
hand. AS it touched her incandescent
person on the elbow my ears came to a
white heat, and the top of my head
seemed to fly off and strike the ceiling
twenty feet above.
With touch like boiling oil the re-
morseless siren then laid her left hand
on the back of mine and evaporated
the marrow in my bones. In that mo-
ment of supreme agony could feel rea-
son shriveling up and all the intellect
ual forces within me scratching out for
chaos without caring a toothpi ok how /
got out of the scrape myself. One
more squeeze that took all the iron out
of my blood, and she dropped me as
limp as a tramp in glory, as one last
,seething thrill like the play of lightning
on barbed wire fence went through
me and ratified the loose change in my
pockets. As soon as i could bring to-
1 gether the scattered fragments OF a
badly shattered mentality and recover
my eomposure sufficient to speak with
out making the windows rattle, made
an. abject apology to the young woman
for my temerity in trying to be socia-
| blerwith a stranger. j told her L had
NO idea she was loaded for bear to such
an unmerciful extent, or would have
answered her hail with a more distant
fOrmality.
The NEXT time undertake to shake
hands with a dynamo shall wear a
Boyton suit and put on q pair of four
ply rubber gloves. Chicago Ledger.