Smyrna times., 1885-03-25
WHOLE NO. 1853.
HERE AND ELSEWHERE.

Nol ohc man III HVe can or dare use
tobacco with impunity.
An Arab only surrenders to the crack
of a Martini-Henry rifle.
Every angry man who has trod this
earth was an Ire-ish man.
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher glories in
the uncOuth word Mugwump."
High license has been likened to cut
ting off a cats tail behind its ears.
The Backbone railroad grants have
got the grunts, no one can Tell COW.
British Columbia can ship timber
squaring % inches and no feet long
For every reason Mr.. Pearson, the
New York postmaster, will prObablybe
retained.
1t is not the intent of the law for
any one to be in ignorance of the law
or the fees.
When man becomes professional
lOater he makes sorry loaf for his
family table.
One swallow does not make a Sum-
mer but one Smyrna man can some
times make it Winter.
Allan c. Thurman will pass the
next four years in honorable retire
ment at Columbus, Ohio.
When a man sees another take q
drink he is an accessory after the fact,
the first one gets drunk in fact.
Some of the worst falls of the season
have been by the funny men of the
newspapers in roller rink jokes.
FL Mahdi has issued proclamation
to the SOudanese to prepare for the
advent of the kingdom of Arabia.
All OF the exquisite decorations in
the late Attorney Generals Office have
been taken down and carted away.
The fussy little gunboat Wachusett is
/ on her way to the Caribbean Sea to
blow hole through Central America.
When the employees of the Southwest
railroads struck they side-tracked all
trains coming in and killed the en-
gnes.
The keen, dOuble-edged knife of re-
form can cut a " Priceless" swathe
with one edge and with the other
Worthless"
Malcom Hay, the new Assistant
Postmaster General, wants it under
stood that in accepting the Office he is
no mans man.
The practice of suspending band
over a roller rink floor has the advan-
tage of making the musicians safe from
a possible flood.
Emperor Napoleon III, says the
Edinburgh ReUleIO, got away during
the seventeen years of his reign with
$19,0O0,O0O on the civic and privy purse
lists.
Evidently the times are out of joint
when rank anarchists can go through
the country demoralizing the working
men and be called political cconO-
mists.
According to the Philadelphia
papers, Pennsylvania, in business and
politics, appears to be more discrimi-
mated against than any other State in
the Union.
From the great lamentations over
the proposed visit of the heir to the
T British throne to Ireland, he may be
called the Prince of Wails.-PhilGdei
phid Record.
: The followers of Joseph Smith, who
, claim to have the true book of Nor
mon, want the Government to let them
have the determination of pOlygamy in
their control.
The changes made in the new ad-
ministratiOn are slow, but they are
sure; off goes the White House bar
ber's head, or what is equally as prec-
iOus, his salary.
There are six lawyers in Mr.. ClevC
, lands Cabinet. Mr.. Manning is a
newspaper man. The rest represent
the law and he represents the gospel
} Boston AdUertiser.
Herbert Gladstone, the son of the
! Usage of Downing street." and Her
, bert Bismarck, son of the man OF
blood and iron," are chips from the
> old blocks. and nothing more.
AS Mrs. Partington would say, il
must take a great many files to keep
the officials supplied at Washington
Everybody is received politely and
their petition is filed and flung away
President King, of the Lake Shore
5 railroad says to one of his $4,000 sup
S erintendents: Hereafter, your sal
IA airy will be $4,000 a year" but, sir
1 / can't live on that" Try" Th'
t superintendent is trying yet.-N. !
l Herald.
. The Philadelphia & Reading Rail
+ road economies by stopping its news
( paper advertising. The newspaper
a sermOnize by showing up some of the
5 high salaries paid by that railroad tC
4 its officials.
! Some of the lady correspondents fo
= the big dailies at Washington are more
- Jealous than discreet in techinalities
{ One says: Here comes the gallan
! Secretary of the Navy with his flying
= jib-bOom hanging on his arm ;" mean
y ing his wife.
d Old Mr.. Bently brought home ,
y painting which he exhibited to hi
wife with great pride. "Therer ~ h
said, what do you think of that; cos
only $500, frame an all, am it's a gen
OOine-genoOine-" Rubbins ?" sug
IS gested Mrs. Bently. No, t ain
y Rubbins. HIM, begins with a c.
" chrome; that's it--a genOOin'
chrome. .i'-Ne,O York Sun.
= Now" said the bridegroom to tn,
n bride when they returned from thei
IT honeymoon trip, let's have a clea
is understanding before we settle dow
er to married life; are you to be Presi
is dent or Vice-President of this con
Germ? 81 want to be neither Presi
n dent nor President" she an
le swered; 81 will be content with a sub
At ordinate position" "What is itP'
= Controller of the Currency. ."-BOstO
d Courier.
'e Oscar Wilde's new book, Impressions of Amer
of icR" will be eagerly read by all who assisted
Vi make the poets trip so decidedly pleasant. Hi
" impression of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup IS matte
of little consequence, as the public have alTead
pronounced il the remedy for coughs and cold
N par excellence.
WUNN