The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-06-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

heimJ. 0TriSt0tOH Herald.
Fresh Clerk-'That first l showed
you, mum. was %, this is 60. this is 50,
an this is 45." Tea Purchaser-'.All
good teas, / supposed" Fresh Clerk
Yes 'um. all come out O the same
chest. Proprietor-.'He means they
chest came, mum. "-Harper's Basar.
'.Yes, SIR said the entomologist, Il
can tame flies so that when | whistle
they will come and alight on my
hand ''Pshaw," said the bald-head-
ed man, that's nothing. They come
and alight on my head without my
whistling." The entomologist sat down.
-!S0merUille Journal.
| BEG your pardon, sir" said the
| gentlemanly usher at the theatre, .'but
your seat is in the front row." How
did you know that" asked the aston
ished bald-headed man, without see
| ing my check?n You forget" re-
piled the usher, THAT you have your
hat off!''-BostOn Transcript.
! Gus de Smith and Miss Birdie Nc
Ginnis were taking moonlight stroll
on the beach at Galveston one night
last week, when Gus remarked: How
| pale the moon looks tonight" You'd
be pale too, if you had to be up more
or less, one night after the other, for
week or more at a time. "-Ie.raS
! SyttngS.
A young woman, prim and slender,
| seated herself at one of the tables re-
served for ladies in Sixth avenue oy-
| ster saloon, and, after glancing over
the bill of fare, said to the waiter:
lyon may bring me, er-a-a-Satan-
lied crab, hot-' The waiter tiptoed to
the cook and whispered: lone deviled
crab, hot as Satan.'
| Boy--Please, sir, Tommy johnson
| has made me make blot. School
Board Teacher-Then Tommy johnson
won't 90 home to his dinner to-day.
Tommy said afterward, when the teach
er had gone away: 81 'spose yer
! think yer done a fine thing by roundup
on me, but, as it happens, | amt got
no dinner to go home to. Yah, yer
sneakn'-Judy.
The Wise Juryman: A Juryman who
had Assisted in Reaching Wise Con-
| clusion in Several Cases of Importance
was Complimented by the Lawyers on
his Wisdom, and he replied: Really,
| l.
ton, for l was sound Asleep during
your Arguments. Moral: The less
Lawyer the wiser the Verdict.-De-
troit Free Press.
"Will you look me up the origin of
the word rink papa?" Certainly,
my dear; but why do you wish me to
do SOP" Il have taken a notion to
learn roller skating, and | have curl
osity to know what the word rink is
derived from" eff you are going to
learn roller skating l would advise you
to become acquainted with the word
equilibrium, for you'll want to know
more about it than about rink when
| you put on the rollers"
Children have funny ways of express
ing themselves. Johnny, who was
born and raised in the city, went up to
| Portsmouth,. a nice little town on the
Ohio, not iong ago, and when he came
home he had much to tell. BY the
way, Johnnie asked his father, sis
Portsmouth as big as Cincinnati?"
well, no, papa, guess not. That is,
there amt nearly so many houses, but
there's ever so much more world. y
| Merchant IraUeler.
| William Green, now in Auburn Pris-
on for bigamy, in conversation with a
reporter the other day, gave the fol-
lowing as an excuse for leaving his Os-
wego County wife: Children We're
| the cause said he. "When married
her believed her to be alone in the
world. We moved to Waterfowl, and
while there she visited Hannibal.
When she returned to me she brought
with her six youngsters, all of whom
called me dad 1t was more than l
could stand. "-A1bany argus.
One Andaluslan said to another: 81
say, mate, l must have dropped off to
sleep ail of a sudden last night, for
when l awoke this morning | found my
hand on my forehead just as | left it
when signing the cross on lying
down" "Why, man, that's nothing.
I'll tell you what once happened to me.
One morning as | awoke / found N.Y.
self resting with my hands on the bed
and my body stretching out in the air.
WHAT" Il must have gone to sleep
in the act of jumping into bed. Dub
Ian Times.
Workhouse boy, who had been APP
prenticed to small farmer, brought
up, as he had run away. Guardian
''Did they beat you?" Boy-'No, sir"
Guardian-''Then why did you run
away?" Boy please sir, soon after
l got there pig died; they sailed it,
and we had fur to eat it. Then calf
died, and they sailed it, and we had
fur to eat that; then masters grand
mother died, and l seed 'em taking
some salt upstairs, so | run'd away
London Topical Times.
A wild-eyed man entered Chatham
street pawn-shop and wished to see
some pistols. Il sells you dot pistol
for two dollar" said the clerk. "rll
take it. Load it up, and before an
other sunrise I'll put an end to my mis-
cradle existence" "Vat! You shoot
yourselluf NIT dot pistol?" Yes"
said the wild-eyed man, desperately.
"Mr. Isaacstein," called the clerk to
the proprietor in the back room,
''der shentleman wants a two-dollar
pistol to kill himselluf NIT. Vat shall
| do?' ''Sharge him five dollar" y
Ne1o York Sun.
John Shorger has been paying
marked attention to Miss De Smythe,
one of the bellies of Texarkana. He
mas NoiAio 'ois Hoai proposing several
times, but did not dare risk it for fear
she might refuse to amalgamate. He
got around it very nicely. however,
while escorting her home from church.
He said: Miss De Smythe. if there
is anything in the world | dislike it is
| to have young lady refuse me. l wish
you would tell me if you would say
yes in case were to ask your hand
in marriage" She suggested that he
try it, but he thought he had better
wait awhile until he could see his way
more clearly.-Ieras Sytings.
One of the dry goods stores has lost
! customer, one OF the handsome clerks
has lost his situation. and all through
his miserable education at the tele-
phone. The lady in question is deaf
and carries a little tube, with the usual
mouthpiece, to speak into. The other
day she came up to the counter, and as