The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1885-11-28

| one against me-namely my legs; WHICH
refuse to obey my will. Now, having two
legs and one brain, and living in a country
where the majority rules, it will certainly
be awkward if my brain says: III climb
up to my window" and my legs reply :
we prefer foubling up on the sidewalk "
Here my brilliant argument was rudely
interrupted by two horrid little belated
''muckers" siding up and yelling, 80 look
at the drunken dude, taking his siestayl'
Think of the degradation A Bouncer
ieered at by the rabble. The blood Of my
ancestors boiled. My impulse was to wipe
out the insult in blood-their blood. My
legs seconded me nobly; they left bowling
This little encounter braced me up so
thoroughly that by little exertion l got
around the corner into the alley that runs
behind the houses on Chestnut street. TAX
ing a seat on the cubstone contemplated
the row of neat brick houses. One of
them was my destination. The delicate
question of (which ?" arose, and affairs.
thickened up again.
[ knew my house had an extension on the
first floor and a conservatory on the second,
from which I knew 1 could easily step into
my window. But so had all the rest How
on earth was Ito pick out mine ? A severe
mental struggle inclined me to think it the
sixth from the corner of Twentieth street.
Accordingly, taking the lamp-post as a
starting point, l came down the alley count
ing, convinced that, in spite of my fathers
injurious reflections, | had brain and a
large one, and arrived at the sixth house in
a state of great satisfaction. Looking care
fully around, [ put an ash-barrel against
the fence, made break for it, and found
myself in the yard, with rather more ashes
on my dress-suit than [ usually wore, but
very happy.
$50 much for Buckingham !" [ cried,
and commenced to climb up the extension.
Now, usually gymnastics are not at all in
my line; but that night | developed sup
pleness, a sort of capacity fol- hanging on to
nothing, that inclined me strongly to the
Darwinian theory. felt sure l had an
old grandfather who got his meals by shin
ming up cocoanut trees. Nothing else could
explain the way [ got up that water-pipe
to the extension roof. Once there, [ made
short work of the conservatory by simply
kicking out the glass and putting my feet
in the frames 1t was a sort of "climbin'
up-de-golden-stairs' act that raised my
spirits to concert pitch. The sharp ting
ling of the broken panes on the pavement
below failed to daunt me and reached the
roof in glow Leaning against the wall
[ surveyed the sleeping city from my proud
eminence. All was quiet and peaceful. l
had not been observed So far so good.
''Blood will tel" [ soliloquized "Could
any one but a Bouncer have achieved this
feat =? Could Tommy Wiggins? By'r lady,
no! Poor Tommy, pity him. At this
very minute his mother is probably sitting
on the foot of his bed giving it to him,
while [ stand here free as bird, raised by
my efforts to height few young men at
tain.
Slowly the moon sailed across the sky,
casting a silvery radiance over the scene
below; and as gazed it reminded me of
that scene in E'Pinafore. [ felt inspired
and began to sing "Fair Moon, to the-he |
sing, but got no further, as my voice gave
out. Determined to do justice to the ro-
mantle situation in some way, / flung open
my shutters, struck a sort of Romeo pose,
and crying "Diana, Queen of the Heavens,
I salute thee p stepped iato my room.
Stepped IL, to be greeted by ghastly
| shrieks Of, Mon Dieu au voleprA Mon
sieur, perish vite vite Monsieur p
A white form leaped from thebed darted
out banging the door, and all was still.
"By Jove p l cried, sinking on the win
dowsill. '.It's the wrong house" Itwas.
For a moment was stunned Then my
sanguine temperament asserted itself and |
began to regard my position as strikingly
humorous one How the fellows would
roar over it. What a joke it was, and how
[ had scared that bowling female in the bed
no. not in the bed, in the hall. She would
probably return with "Monsieur." Well,
! / could easily explain to him. As l lighted
a cigarette | rehearsed the coming scene.
ssMonsieur" would doubtless arrive excited
and uneasy. [ would calm him, saying ::
'sMy good man, this is all mistake. I'm
perfect gemman; no cause for alarm; lost
my key at poker party; tried to get in my
own window; got in yours And the
whole affair would end in a bowl of punch
and laughter, just as Levers heroes always
finished their adventures. But
[ heard loud, frightened voice calling
"Charles, bring your pistol; I've got my
gun, hurry up" and steps came hurrying
along the hall. A faint idea Of the situa-
ton foated through my hazy brain. They
thought was burglar. and before [ could
get them to see the point of the coke
they'd shoot me.
"Guess you'd better skip, Teddy" said
I, and dived out of the window
1 tell you it seemed an awful long way
up that respectable mansion, but the down
trip was short one | just put my teeth
together and slid down the waterpipe like
streak. No way-stations, thank you, till
I was lying under the fence in the alley,
painting.
I wasn't minute too soon, for no sooner
had l fattened myself out than bang went
Charles pistol, and bang went monsieur $
gun; and so the cowardly idiots went on till
they'd emptied their barrels
''By Jover [ murmured, ''that was a
near thingP
oYou're right it was, said rough voice
in my ear, and strong arm jerked me up
by the collar Looking up, | found myself
in the grasp of policeman.
'You insolent rascal, let go my collar,
yelled.
II will not p
''You will p
Il will not, and if you don't keep a civil
tongue in your head Eli club you
Here the logical side of my character
came to the front. This authorized brute
was big, was not, [ would subdue him
by the force of my intellect. '"The pen is
mightier than the sword, " etc.
my good man., [ said in placablt
manner, ''you are acting under delusion
You think l am a criminal, do you not ?
II do" he replied Tightening his grip.
"Not unnatural urbanely replied
"But I can show you your mistake III
admit to you con-confden-shally, l am Z
little off color-been off with the boys, los
my key, and in trying to climb in my win
dow got in the wrong house. Sabe? Why
[ live in this block myself
ssYes Won look ike Won did " retorteC