The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-22
THE RECORDING SPOOK.


have to make is to some extent out of place,
coming from me, a mere layman. l have felt,
indeed, that it ought to be left to a scientific
man. But | think that, even in the incomplete
manner in which | must present it, it may have
certain intrinsic interest for those who have
given any thought to the great problem OF what
we know as tho supernatural. The period which
allows of the existence of society for psychical
research-the period which prizes curiously into
our personal relations with the unseen world
must plead my excuse for offering you my small
contribution to the science of the unknowable.
The incidents which | am about to narrate
occurred some two years ago. 1t was toward
the the close of an eXhausting season. | had
strlven for some months to perform that feat
known as keeping ones end up" | had tried
to keep my end up. There is concurrent and con-
temporaneous testimony to the effect that did
keep my end up. Looking back on it now it
seems to me that kept two or three ends up.
! kept my end up at afternoon teas. | kept my
end up at early morning suppers. was up be
fore and after the lark. | generally managed to
see the moon to bed. do not know whether
make this clear to you. AS | said perhaps |
ought to have left the subject to scientific man.
Any scientific man could explain that this sort
of thing is wearing on the most cast-iron con-
stitutOn,
One dewy morn in February slipped into bed
Just as the first milk cart ratified under my win
dow. l was very tired. l was very tired indeed.
Ny eyes were just closing when | saw seated
upon the foot of my bed what can only describe
as supernatural vsitant
1t was pale gray, notified spook, about six
teen hands high. | wasn't afraid of it. | said:
Hello! who are your
'Im a spook, it replied.
'All right" said 'spook when you're spoken
co. Good night" And then turned over.
"Where are you going?" inquired the spook
"Goine to sleep told him.
Not now you're not" said the spook.
whats to hinder me}' l inquired, in sci
entific spirit.
Il an, ;" the spook said; that's what I'm here
for. I'm the Recording Spook. I'm sent here
to wait on you every night, when you go to bed,
and to repeat to you, before you go to sleep,
every foolish, conventional or unnecessary thing
that you have said during the day
| mildly intimated that he had a contract on
hand.
Il have" said he. rubbing his hands ;'and I'm
the boy that can fill it, too. Come now, young
man, roll over so that | can you take your
hands ont Of your ears and listen. The enter
tainment is going to begin right now, and the
curtains up"
groaned might as we'll have whistled
Les see said the spook, grinning hideously
and rubbing his hands; Les see; you met Jones
at the club this morning. You hadn't seen Jones
in two days, and what did you say
to Jones! Why. you said: Quite a stranger,
amt your Now that was brilliant, wasn't
it? The edge hadn't been rubbed off
that observation in fifteen hundred thirdclass
boarding houses, had it} Why that was the reg
ulation joke i'll the ark, when Noah happened to
miss a breakfast through sitting up too late the
night before, inspecting his private stock"
Go away" said |, II want to go to sleep"
But he didn't go away. He went-he went on.
Then you went to the Turkish BATH didn't
you? And you went into the hot room-tempera-
ture 200 And you saw Robinson there, Ell! And
what did you say to RobnsonF
| said that didn't remember.
"You do remember" said the spook; ''you
said: rs it hot enough for youF that's what you
said. You didn't happen to think of any other
way OF making an idiot of yourself just at that
moment, so you said that. Well, it filed the
bill"
That is the way he began, that spook, and he
kept it up until daylight He didn't seem to get
tired either. He just keptit up, talking away in
that easy, pleasant, conversational manner
telling me all the idiotic things l said that day
[ rolled about. and tried to bury nv ears in the
pillows. Then tried to bury the pillows in my
ears. It was of no use. The experience meeting
came to close about $50. The spook vanished
after making an appointment for the next morn
ing.
He was on time Tie was on time right straight
along every night after that | never went to
sleep until | knew just how much of a converse
tional ass had made of myself during the pre-
ceding twenty four hours.
Under these kindly administrations improved
in my speech. [ chastened my conversation,
and turned the faucet my flow Of language.
And | saw with pleasure that the spook began to
dWindle and diminish and grow pale and peaky.
night, to remind me that had said 'see you
later" or Il should smile" or something of that
sort for found it difficult to get rid of the Slang
habit But he dwindle d-every blessed ight he
dwindled.
But one morning I came home and found that
spook swollen to twice his original proportions
His head bobbing up against the ceiling
and there was grin Of fiendish malice on his
face.
knew what was the matter. knew he had
That I Ind Of 4or
time a certain young lady, and | felt. as one
does sometimes feel in such cases-without any
arguing about it, making any investigation
into the subject-that without her my life would
be barren blank, not to speak about desert
waste | suppose that is what is called falling
in love. Well, that is what I called it q little
later.
But it was a great thing for the spook. He
fairly fattened me from that time on.
sweets to the sweet" he would say. That's
what you said to her when you gave her the
rose. Why, the girl must think you a perfect
imhecile"
She doesn't" would explain; "she told a
friend of mine that was brilliant converse
tionalst."
''Oh, you are brilliant conversationalist!"
he would shrek; 'and did the brilliant con
versationalist brill this evening? Not this
evening The brilliant conversationalist asked
her If she didn't think the rooms were
very warm. And he said that we had been
having very pleasant weather for this time of
year, and that it would probably be warmer ia
May. Oh, you just bristled all over with pun
gent epigrams you did"
didn't care, though. have for
man VITO can be in love and not make fool of
himself. And | was happy
And the end came. There was night
when got home and found the spook swelled to
such proportions that he filed the apartment. |
had TO walk through him to get to bed. His
gray, mottled sides shook with hysterical
laughter There was malicious triumph in his
and gasped out: 20 what fool you've made of
yourself this evening! o amt L going to have
fun with you!"
He never had IT. His memory had got an
overdose of conversational idocy, and his sur
charged brain gave way under .tne strain He
gurgled and dubbed for n little and tried to tell
me all about it; but it was too much for him.
and, at last, with one wild howl of helpless i'm