The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-05-02
HUMOROUS,

ness was the comment of n neWsna-
per on the death of brewer. who was
| found drowned in a tank OF his own
/ beer.
A COUPLE got married for Il second
time on Monday at Washington's
tomb. That's good. 1t is time there
was some repairing done there.-N. Y.
/ World.
THE man who runs the restaurant
in the Capitol at Washington has. in
defiance of the theory that a public
/ Office IS a public trust, shut down on
the credit system.-GhIcago News.
\ LEWISTON seamstress carelesslv
lett a needle in the back OF a young
/ lady customers dress, and now a par
t.cular friend OF the family has his
arm Gone up III arnica.-LewistOn
/ (he.) Journal
! OVER 200 new doctors were turned
! out OF Il New York medical college re-
! Gently. This looks as though these
! institutions were working on full time
to keep pace with the establishment of
! skatlng-rinks.
'BRACE up" whispered the hang
man to a poor fellow whose hempen
cravat he was skillfully adjusting.
Eyes, it's easy for you to say that"
was the grim reply, because you are
a suSpender."
A WRITER in Harper's Bazaar says
I ''the ears should be SO placed as not
/ to be higher than theeyebrOw or lower
| than the tip ofthenOse." People who
are dressing for a party should not
! forget Uhls.-PhiladcLDhia CALL
If the bad little boys ever got into
| the United States Senate chamber and
! yelled out, "Go up, old bald headn'
1t would take apowerlul sight OF bears
4 to do justice to the occasion-Pitts-
/ burg (PenH.) ChrOnicIe-TcIcgraph.
/ HORsEsHoEs were unknown to the
Greeks and Romans, and yet the
1 people Of these nations had considera-
Bile luck. They escaped the dynamite
scare, the craZy-quilt scare, tramps
and the roller skating mania.-LoweH
| Citizen
"THAT article you had in last weeks
/ paper was the funniest thing / ever
read, sad II lady to an editor. 1T
would make a dog laugh, thought
my husband would split his sides -
I 1rhansas Traveller.
'"WHAT did understand you to say
this is, ma am >" the new boarder
asked the landlady. Spring chicken,
sir, tartly replied the lady, pray
what did you think ?'' CHATS what
| thought it was, ma'am. with all the
/ springs left in
\ SCIENTIFIC journal in reply to the
question, What is foam?" publishes
an article two columns in length. It
could have been answered more brief
: ~: It is what you pay five cents for
and blow into the spittOOn.-Bing-
/ hantOH Republican.
! JrNKs-Your wife is making a crazy
. quilt, isn't she? Minks (laughingly)-
Why yes; but it is a great secret.
How did you know? Jinks-That
/ patch on your coat looks as if it was
sewed on by yourself. Minks (sadly.)
1t was.-PhHadelDhia Gail.
"FELLER spoke disrespectfully of
my sister said he'd bet she was
cross-eyed, and went for him" Is
your sister cross-eyed ?" inquired his
/ companion. "Hain't got no sister"
was the reply. 1T was the principle
of the thing what got licked for"
MOTHER, think the spinal verte-
/ br3e OF the frigid season have received
a severe fracture" remarked the High
I School girl to her mother Eyes, " re-
marked the old lady, ''Iexpected your
father would hurt that dog when he
threw the poker at it."-OH City Der
lick
81 HAvEa large dude trade, said the
barber. And don't your employees
find any fault about their wages ?"
asked the other barber. Certainly
not Why should they" Because
/ if you have a large dude trade YOU
must constantly be cutting down. -
Boston Courier.
How Love Is Made in Persia" is
is the title OF Il recent article 1t is
probably made there of the same
component parts as here. that Is,
milliOnaire's daughter one part, impe-
( cuniOus nObleman one part, desire Tor
/ title forty-nine parts, desire tOrwealth
( fOrty-nine parts. AhE.-ROStOH Post.
"WHEN | want my children to mind. >"
1 said Chicago mother, ~ don't stop
! to explain the reasons to EN-. | lust
/ put my foot down, and that $ the end
/ oft "Oh, well, . responded BlobsOn,
absent-mindedly, chat covers the
( ground, OF course; there's no need for
/ explanation. Huntington Free Press.
PALMER-"F Father, some one wants
you at the telephone" Old gentle
man stepping up)-''Heilo. hello.
( Eli? Oh, yes, all right, OF course
/ GOod-by. Turning to son. Palmer,
remind me tomorrow what these peo-
/ pie wanted" Palmer thinks the old
gentleman has been dining with st.
! JOhn.-Lite.
/ SCENE - An evening party. Miss
! Smithers has stolen quietly to the con.
+ servatory and is Observation-Disclosures
/ the moon. Enteryoung Mr.. De Dumb,
whom Miss Smithers detests. (Senti-
'Aw-NIiss Smithers. are
you enjoying the beauty OF the night?"
/ Miss Smithers (coldly 81 was. ''-Ncw
( York Times.
You've GApsBY-Say Wagstatf, I've
got bigjoke ON you, old boy. You re
so fond Of hoaXing other fellows;
+ somebody has hoaXed you finely TINS
time. You thought there was a Rea
/ Mermaid on board one of the Cunard
steamers. and I've taken Whole
/ Day and been on every steamer IN
port. and Asked About 1t, and ha /.
ha, ha there Amt Any Mermaid on
any of 'em.-COIumbia Spectator
-------------
WHEN I'LL so called remedies fail, DR.. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy cures.
"a New YORK clothing firm gives
away a silver watch with every suit or
clothes sold" said CrimsOnbeak to
Miss Fussanfeather, the other evening.
Yes, / believe these places where you
get tick with your clothes are very
popular with the young men" quietly
replied the lady. II wonder II the
watches will run very long," suggested
the young man, little confused:
"Well, from what papa tells me, SAID
Miss F. whose father, by the way, Is