Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-12-10
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT:

MlRTH AND MEkRlMNNT.
Magistrate: Your age, madam"
(No direct answer.) How old is your
hush au:ssn 7Ss. ."n s.'y r1 ons
I" And the next?" Twenty one"
+" And how old do you call YOURSELF"
kdon't know my age exactly, but It's
about thirtyi' Did I understand you
that your oldest son was twenty. seven"
" Yes" "You must surely, then be
more than thirty" "Well," (quile
snappishly,) told you about thirty.
1 can't tell exactly; 1t may be thirty
one or two, but am positive not over
thatl"
A young man called to see q young
lady on whom he WAS rather "spoony."
Both were Of musical turn, and in the
course OF conversation the young lady
asked him to take up the poker and
tonga and "play the fiddle" with them,
and she would tell him what he was
playing. The youth, delighted 70 have
the chance OF testing her skill, immedi-
Ately commenced. After he had labor
ed away for about Ave miA-
utes, she said slyly: "Y0u may step
now; you've been piaying-the fool.
Among the things one would rather
not have sai0' wss the remark OF .
man u . recent spirit seanoe. He had
received . Communication" from An
old sweetheart, supposed to DO In the
spirit-world. Taking the slate from the
hand Of the triumphant pythoness. he
read, and then remarked, with smile
Of tender retrospectiop, Yes, l do
believe this 10 genuine. Poor little
Lettiel She never could spell And
then he wondered what made the me-
dunn blush 20.
"Hsllo. Fred, you seem awfully put
out. What's happened, oh 2" "Oh,
was fearfully tantaiizsd q little while
ago. 1 tied on pretty girl's bonnet.
The ribbons got anyled her eyes
sparkled, her lips were cherry ripe,
and 30 close to mine that her bre Ath
swept my cheek" "You were dying
to kiss her, eh?" "That's just it. ;"
"Well, why didn't you kiss her ?"
" For very simple reason. Her hus.
band was standing by"
"IIycu arc innocent sxia q iawy or
to his client, m old darkey, who was
charged with stealing o ham, I've
ought to be able to prove an alibi." I
dom specks We kim" the darkey re-
piled, doubltfully. At what time
was the ham stolen ?" Bout lebben
O'Clock, dey say" "well, where were
you between eleven o'clock and mid.
night-in bed ?" "Nc, sab Il war hid.
In dc haml''
An IrishmAn tried 10 shoot srar
row with an old musket. He fred.
The bird, with chirp or two, flew
away in the foreground, and Pat was
swiftly and noiselessly laid on his spine
iu the background. Picking himself
up. and shaking his fist at the bird. be
exclaimed. Be jabers. You wouldn'i
ba' chirped II you'd been at this end Of
the gun"
Mr.. Dusen berry )" You have gone to
housek eeping. hear. Niceiv fixed
suppose 2" Mr.. jerks :" Yes. MY
wife 10 perfectly delighted. She re-
minds me Of a..tea- kettle, she sings %
pleasantly. Dusenberry MY VIE
often reminds me Of . tea kettle, too.
Jerks What way ?" Dusenberry
L never know when she il going to
to boil over"
academy, who had just purchased q
Il
institution, and also married hand
some woman, made m unfortunate
photographed error when he wrote to
II have succeeded in procuring fine,
large-tongued BELLE"
Hostess "Are you musician, Mr.
Jones?" Jones. who 10 dying TO give
an exhibition Of his ability: " Well
er-yes, think can lay claim to SOM
knowledge Of music Hostess "
am delighted to knowit. My daughte
is about to play, and should be yer,
glad If you would kin lily turn the
music for her,"
During large dinner party, younl
fop, who sat next the poetess, Phoeb
Gary, chose to deride his host, nd said
!" Miss Cary, tits very true that fool
make feasts, and wise men eat them.
i" And 1t is equally true" responds
Miss Gary, that wise men say smar
Things, and fools repeat them.
A foreigner In learning the Englis
language, and finding that the wor
plague" in q yllable, Will
ague," which contains toe last fou
, letters Of plague" Is q dissyllsble
said he wished that the plague woul
take oue-half of the language, and tn
ague the other half.
Family physician Well, I con
gratulate you" Patient, excitedly
shall recover 2" Family physician
Not exactly, but Well. afte
CONSULTATION, we find that your diseas
: 10 entirely novel, and II the autops
should demonstrate that fact, we hav
decided to name 1t after you"
A He was losing his hair "What 20
i want" said the barber, as he ran hl
Fingers through the few remainin
hairs on the head of . customer-"whs
you want is bottle OF my hair re
storsr.'" What want" replied tn
) customer is divorce" And tn
barber said no more
oil Little Bees. to gentleman caller. "Yo
Amt black, are you ?" Mr.. M
a, +" Black child!-why, no, I should hon
q not, What made you think WASP
bI"Oh nothin', 'oept pa said you wei
o awful niggarly!"
Job, Emeline, come quick. The baby
Itumbled down into the cistern. We
! been fishin' for him fore half an hou
y Wild an umbrsller handle an q chun
. To- sponge cake. an We can't even get
70 uibble."
Fl Lectures on cooking" exclaime
Mrs. B-"No, I'm not going to 'em
My husband lectures on cooking, an
/. when he mentions his mother he looh
'around for somebody to applaud"
,,I "Havs you been much ct sea?
gI"Why no, not exactly; but my BROTH
l. married captain 4 daughter 1--WE