, 1885-12-25

+Rf'AA h1-N aA& ~ ~ - NJ
therein is trampled down in its dust. 1 took
it as one starved may take any gfh thinning
IL was the last ever TO be received. l became
coye'ous. l boarded away these gifts. While
l would not beg for more directly, / did SC in
directly. I inferred my cramped means aud
situation, instead of stating them openly.
Though having then money enough 10 sup.
ply the needs OF the hour more in accordance
with my tastes and desires, l did not so
crafty them. I continued stin 10 drcss
plainly and live poorly. | did so becauso I
could not boar to part with my treasure l
sent half my soul in a certain bank vault and
left it there amid a package of solled bank
bills-minel minel minei-of which I would
not touch one to make my life and surround
ngs more pleasant. l traded on my versa
tality and vivacity to make and keep friond4
l was willing to go among them with my
mouth ever wide open to receive whatever
was dropped in it, and to attract their gifts
to my powers Of pleasing.
l found when l had sufficient means that l
lad not tho courage 10 spend ii m for what
{ had 50 earnestly wanted. The saving, cal.
-ulating, oost-to-a- penny habit Of years clnne
o me.
Anything beyond my old plano Of exponls
frightened me | was cursed with q mania
for cheapness. If l purchased a COOL article
OF any sort, and paid for it n good price, 1
would be panied for days mt tho though, of
parting with 50 much money. So money
brought me no relief-oniy the more distress
Tho reason was, / had trained mysaH TO
miserliness and could not escape Ny mind
on that point was diseased. Had a million
been placed in my possession l should hayn
felt the same. In thought I should havo been
no richer.
Besides, I'd had that vilainous maxim,
Save when you're young That you may
spend when youre old" and too worn out 70
get any pleasure out OF your spending drilled
and drummed into my ears from my earliest
childhood, until / had come to think evory
cent expended over and above what was
necessary to keep life in ono's holy a semi
sin. II not a whole one.
Isabel and 1 planned a trip to England
together. 1 wished for a coGrse Of study
at one OF the great London hosp.tali. We
arranged tho trip and set c time for our de-
parture.
u " blh 4 MN " AAA - AAHa u iva
by myself it presented itself in a very differ
emit light felt that for this girl 10 accom-
pany me would be for both Of US a mi fortune;
that l should be eve rleading her into trouble
through my whims and hu nos. anil that
her gentle and sensitive nature was not able
to endure the strain that would he pat upon
1t through my possible acts I fearca also,
knowing then better my own errslic tenn
permanent and love Of change, that the time
might come when l should rug at any chain
however dear. SO firmly aid ] believe thai
such would be the case, aud so dVerss was
to the stating Of this opinion 10 Isabel, that
off l went to England alone and without Civ
ing her any exclamation wha.evcr. 1. cost
me a succession Of crying spells. and l pre-
sumo it did her also.
/ studied in a great London hospitll for u
-year-rather a hard experience for a woman
as n woman in such IA sitnation is regarded
by the English medical student Elglishmen
make ample amends for having one wo nan
rule them-nominaly-for they seen to rule
all the rest with a barbaric ROD
Ireturned to America a qualified physi-
cian. 1 had gained my end AMI paid dearly
for it The strain had been too much 1
was, at this start. splendidly equipped as 70
physical vigor, but it had been exhausted in
the contest Of years. My health broke down.
/ was ready TO commence life, but now LIES
corner stone and foundation TO build upon
health-was wanting. l had expended an
my. reserve strength in forcing myself 20 nc
cept food, dresi aud surroun lings which did
violence to my nature; in grisviuy my higher
self by STOPPING to obtain means In thu WAY
l have stnted; in forcing thu raci asl sidl o,
my nature to the front as q sor, OF rrotec.
tive armor, for as l began 10 realize Tin. 10
was a part Of my nature, I mado 10 do double
duty. / would WORK myself, force myself
into that mood when I really felt flr morp
like crying, When | so lougnd for a friend on
who's bosom ! could throw myself and tell
her all about m~ysali-tel her what I have
tried to tell heno-if Z had dared. But these
truths then 1 dared not own to myself
The few friends had in Bost1n-som1 OF
whom Ind given mo means-may rem. mb r
how suddenly ] disappeared; how Ileit them
without a word or line Of thank or rem m-
brancc. That they shopii doom M migrate
full do not wonder, 1uA rs ihem in the
way l did because i drr ( not rcvcal myself
To them 1 oluld not re- 1 have done here
Nor could | thank them for their kindness ia
any assumed mechanical fashion. 1 felt thu
/ Ind played a part for a aoriii motive. /
loothed myself for 50 doing. 30 between the
two | went OF In silence.
Tai. Is my christmas ~mcssage-tha ono
Christmas tokoi l can offer. What / wan Is
TO impress upon iti readers is that sordllno s
never result. IA good Giving. not boarding.
brings back a rich return. Think OF tbs. as
Christians lawns and tho New Year OPEN
Be generous 10 other and to yoursaif
And this; There is no ultimate gain In
starvation, starved aud reprOsssd appetite.
or starved and rsprpsseI taste, no matt r
what be tho end attained through such
rtarvation; 1t 10 only another robbing or
Peter 20 pay Paul, only dnmming up iniuri
ously what's in human nature 10 roll over
! a.. l..rtar at lat ,.I ..-4,o, all Har.r., Ia.