davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
Fncts with lhe shells OF:

We like to 80 to sea with q wreck
less captain.
"Boy, what is the reason you are
not up?' well, farther, it's so dark
yet | can't see to wake up!'
Patrick, my dear, are you coming
home directly, or are you going to
stay there2" "Biddy, yessdarling."
THAT girl once adored me- "She
did," eyes, she said, Young man,
there's door with knob to it,"
Agent-"Can't / sell you Il bible to-
day?' "No, no, read that book when
| was boy. Have you got anything
latc?"
The pen.may be mightier than the
sword, but when two swords are
fastened to gcther and made into a
pair OF scissors, it isn't.
as Jones waiting OH that Miss
Wiggs?" "WclI, he has been going
with lfer for several years, and it rath
cr looks to me as if she was waiting
on him."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
The Bald Ia night.

A Bald Knight one night was out
fishing with the boys and sudden
gust of wind came up and took off his
wig and lodged it in some trees over
head. SO far from being put out he
he laughed with his companions and
said: "The night air and the Knight
hair seem to have an affinity for each
other and are going to clope. guess. ="
"Yes," chimed in the wig, "he's
bawled when he was a kid, and now
he's bald again. He can air dyeless
and die hairless" Just then the
Knight caught perch, and the wig
left its perch to examine it, and the
knight passed the rest OF the night in
its company.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
The Removal Of Partisans.

We think no reformer will somplain
if the President shall remove all ofiici-
ais who in the last campaign and since
the adoption of the civil service law
gave money for party purposes, or be-
came the instruments for collecting or
disbursing party contributions, or
who left their official duties, whether
on the pretext Of vacation or not, to
engage in partisan work, speech-mak-
ing, attending conventions bossing
caucuses, or what not. Men who thus
gave part of their salaries drawn from
the Treasury or the influence of their
places to partisan work ought to be re-
moved.-New York Herald.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
He Couldn' t See ANY Difference.

lie came down public stairway
bowling and screaming as if in the
greatest agony, and of course the
nearest pedestrian asked the cause of
his trouble.
"S-sat down oh a bumblebee,"
howlcd the boy.
"That can't be so. Their arc no
bumblebees around this time o the
year"
"Then what was it?"
"a tack probably. l would not cry
over it."
"Mebbc you wouldn't; but a tack
is so near like a bumblcbee that cant
see any d-difIerence--boo hoo"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
When Blaine viii Leave washinton.

Ex-Secretary Blaine will vacate Ex-
Secretary WINDOWS house, on Scott
Circle, opposit Senator Cameron's, on
July l. After that time this residence
will be occupied by Mr.. Walder, re-
tired manufacturer Of Springfield,
Ohio, who has leased it for two years.
A story has been in circulation that
the Window mansion, which was
made the ground OF complaint against
Windows reelection to the Senate by
the Minnesota granSers and was ulti-
mately the means OF his defeat, is for
sale. Mr.. Window is authority for
the statement that the house is not
for sale, as it realizes a handsome reve-
nue. on the investment and he expects
at an early day to resume his resi-
dence in Washington. He thinks
Washington is delightful place to
live in for person in private life.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
NO.. So.
THEE TARIFF DENOUNCED.
Professor Summer 90 GIAe UnI-
VersIty Students on the Evils
OfprOtecliOm.

Professor Summer, of Yale College,
Mt the invitation Of the students dcliv-
cred lecture on "Free Trade" at the
University of Pennsylvania.
Protection is in opposition to the
doctrine of conservation of energy.
Every tax is quantity affected by IL
minus sign. The protectionists say
that the wealth and prosperity OF the
United States are due to their system.
Nothing of the kind it is due to the
climate and soil which God and nature
have given us after the tax gatherer
has succeeded i'll dimishing it. When
government raises u tax on an article
it advances its price to the people.
Government thus lays barrier around
the nation so that the producer inside
the barrier can do rs he pleases with
the consumer. The free trader does
not say that il we have free trade
tllClt VIII uC hO lIlOIC COlllllclCidl
crises. The protectionist, however,
takes new responsibility upon HIM
self.
1--WE have had protection for the
past twenty-five Years and hard times
for the last twelve years. Protection
has not brought about the promised
result. We have had secialistic de-
Tices which promised to bring us equal
ity, but they have brought us inequali-
ty. Two years ago Congress appoint
ed Tariff Commission, which recom-
mendcd reduction Of tariff OF twenty
five per cent. Congress, however,
took no notice OF this, but bundled the
mass OF accumulated evidence into
the hands of a tariff conference, and
these, around table, fixed the taxa
ton for the people OF the United Stats.
1t is an everlasting effort to get ii tariff
to fit us, but wo never can succeed.
We are living to-day under system
of taxation fitted to lis twenty years
ago. We have secured to ourselves
the home market, having shut others
out, and now it is a matter Of life and
death to get out ourselves.
Tariff is a dead weight. We arc
trying to scalp each outher Tariff
reduces the average amount Of COM
fort that the people of the United
States can obtain. Every invention
introduced into our industries lowers
the wages. For twenty years we have
been saying to the people OH the other
side of the water, Keep away those
good things; We won't have them
If, by taxation, wages are to be high it
is not the goods which must he taxed,
but the man. Tariff has never done
anything but lower wages. 1t reduces
all the time the dcsirability OF the
land and tho profit to be got out of
it,"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
President CIeveIn nd's Horses.

President Cleveland's seal-brown
horses were on Saturday in the rear
staple at Mr.. A. b. Lewis, equine es-
tablishnent. Since their sale to the
President they have been fondled
and fed by enthusiastic admirers,
Their long names are braided with vel
low ribbon, while the ends OF tho
braids are tied with white ribbons, and
their tails are braided in the latest ap-
proved style. Mr.. Lewis has placed
the seal-browns in the best stalls
The only way OF telling them apart i,
by their ankles, the left hind ankle o.
the near horse having more white
hairs on il than the mind ankles OF thC
other horse. Some of the more enter
prising Of the Vassar girls put up the
horses front hair in curl papers
and few OF the townies braided tbs
tails in the latest approved style
Poughkeepsie News-Press.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
Caught Him on a Strange Chapter.

"How did they come to call this FL
Mahdi the False prophet, ] wonder?"
said Old Hyson, looking up from his
paper. Mrs. Hyson turned upon him
ii countenance so reproachful that his
heart lost two laps in the next heat.
"If YOU read your Bible" she said at
last with appalling severity, "half as
much as you do these soul binding Sun
day newspapers, you wouldn't have
to humiliatc yourself by asking ques-
tions that any child in the infant class
could answer" And Old Hyson told
his partner the next morning that he
felt as badly left as the Apostle Paul
when the Philistines stoned him at
Jericho.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
Converted by HnSersOII.

Gen. Lew Wallace says that he was
converted to Christianity by Col. In
gersoll. He was inclined to be skepti-
cal as to the divinity Of Christ. Inger-
soil presented his infdel views. Wal
lace was much impressed, but finally
remarked that he was not prepared to
agree with Ingcrsoll on certain ex-
'treme propositions Inersoll then
urged Wallace to give the matter care
full study, expressing his confidence
that he would, after so doing, fully ac-
quiescc in the lngorsoll view. For
six years he thought, studied and
searched. At the end OF that time he
said: "The result is the absolute con-
viction that Jesus of Nazareth is not
only Il Christ, and the Christ, but
that he is also my Christ, my Saviour
and my Redeemer.'
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
Matt Carpenters Memory.

a most remarkable memory was cx-
tinguishd when Senator Matt Carpen.
ter died, four years ago this spring,
Wisconsin was right in mourning foi
him. lie was the only man of pheno-
minal intelligence she ever produced
Granting rs was claimed by some
that some of his supposed inspiration
came from unremitting toll over a
case, there is still much to be explain
ed only on the basis of wonderful gifts
OF memory. All who were present Al
the time will remember (others can
read it in the published reports) how
he met the crass-firc OF the supreme
bench with citations when he made
his famous arguments agaist return
ing boards before the electoral com
mission. There was no gas to be had
and the distinguished lawyer wa,
compelled to read on that memorable
night by the aid OF a candle he hel.
in his left hand. In short time thil
became tiresome and inconvcnient
so he placed the candle and his bool
one side with gesture Of impatience
and launched forth in the bark 0
memory. 1t was a great exhibition o
his astonishing powers in that limo.
A friend OF his once told me an in
sidcnt going to illustrate the marvel
ous command he had over the book
i'll his law library. Mr. Carpenter ha'
lust returned from Il six months all
scncc in Milwaukee to his Office il
Washington, and had not been ther
more than half an hour when th
friend called. He found the senate
rather weak from his journey, but sti
cheerful enough. After the usua
compliments OF the day had bee
passed, the senator relapsed suddenl
into SILENCE and dropped his head o
his breast in a fit of meditation A
ter a pause OF several minutes he cal
ed the colored boy Of tho office with
"Tom, 60 to alcove G take down tn
tenth book from the left on third row
turn to page 263 and bring it to me
! want to lock at at ease" His
brary was enormous, but all photo
graphed on his brain. To the last th
never yielded to the storms by whic
his constitution was tossed and wrecl
ed.-New York Graphic,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

Paul II. Hayne, the Southern poet,
is 55 years old. lie is nearly six feet
tall, slender, with darK, dreamy eyes,
delicate features and low, musical
voice. His healh has always been
poor.
Mrs. L. D. +. N. Southworth is six
ty-onc years old, and has just finished
her sevcntyfiirst novel. She is under
contract to Robert Bonner to write
for him alone, and on demand at
$4,000 year.
A girl nith three arms is one of the
attractions OF Louisiana sideshow
This young lady ought to be sought
for by every marriageable young man
in the neighborhood. She could put
two arms around mans neck. while
s!e turnod pancakes with the other.
Senators Beck and Williams oi
Kentucky, are both we'll off. Beck
has n large estate near Lexington. IL
alsG owns large interests in the west
He is worth about $250OO0. William,
is large landowner in one Of the
finest sections of Kentucky, and j,
worth 100000.
Senators Morgan and Pugh, Of Ala
bama, aES both lawyers. Morgan re
sides at Selma, and earns aboNt $8,00t
] a year bv mis- nraclice. pugh earn
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
The Postal Changes.

Postmaster-General Villas has issued
general order directing postmasters
in conformity with the laws passed by
the last congress, to change the post
age on tirst-class matter on and after
the 1st of July next, at the rate OF two
cents per ounce or fraction of an ounce
instead OF two cents per half ounce
and to reduce the rate of postage on
socond-class matter from two cent,
to one cent per pound.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
Found One MAN Not a Candi-
date.

Good morning. May | ask where
you are from?'
81 am from Chicago; sir"
"Oh! Then | presume you arc a
candidate for United States Marshal
Jones place"
"No. sil ; | am not"
"What, not candidate in any
sense?"
"No, sir; not in any sense"
"Well, that's strange, May l ask
your name?"
"Ycs, sir am United States
Marshal Jones"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
COurting A Widow.

There is any amount Of fun in court
ing young girl who has not been used
to it. She swallows all the soft things II
fellow says, but when it comes to pop
ping the question, or something of
that kind, she gets frightened more or
less and wants time to consider until
there is enough loopholes for her lover
to slip through without the least bit
Of trouble, if he happens to soc some
one he could love a shade or two better.
Young girls are timid and sly in earn
est, and if a fellow is not pretty GER
tain he has found precisely the angel
he is looking for, he can manage so as
to have the refusal of her for year
or more, and at the same time mani
age to keep his neck out of the reach
Of a breach Of promise suit when he
happens to meet some other sweet
faced angel that seems to him to be
better suited to his tastes.
1t is different with widow. She
gets out Of all of her shyness at the
earliest convenient opportunity, and
finds out the principal things she de-
sircs to know OF him before she allows
him to get acquainted. The school
girl Of 16 trusts herself to find young
fellows on sixty or ninety days sight
without security; but the widow, like
thrifty wholesale house, goes out
and examines the mercantile reports
concerning him, and then sells to him,
on her own terms for cash. She has
him sized up before he comes to mark
ct, and when she looks as il she were
very artless creature, and fights shy
of him whenever he happens to sit u
little close to her on the sofa, there
are ten chances to one that he will
never look any further, but will buckle
right up to her and put The question
fairly and squarcly, and when he has
done 30 she is not going to trcmble all
over and blush and ask for week or
a month in which to make up her
mind. She will just wind her arms
around his neck and look into his
face without one Of Ella WhccleIs's
fiery yearns, and before he has had
time to catch his breath he will find
himself naild to the cross with Eyes"
that pierces him to his very soul.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
at peace while the rest of the world is

at peace while the rest OF the world is
at war
English and Russian vessels OF war
are even now in our harbors and off
our coasts. If hostilities ensue naval
engagements viii probably follow and
prizes be made in sight OF our coasts
Applications to enter our harbors with
prizes, to repair damages, to coal and
provision, and for other purposes, will
follow, in connection with which deli
cate questions of international obli-
cations will be certain to follow
Washington National Republican.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

On one birthday card pair of
pansies are promenading, and under
them is written:
Youthful hearts arc light and gay,
Youthful feet are agile;
Let us trip ii while We may,
Youthful hearts are fragile.
Which is the poetical version OF the
less elegant exhortation to "Go il
while you're young, for when you're
old YOU can't"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
"E.uG. Won E.ubber.''

"And so you like the yarns we sea
dogs spin2' asked the galland young
mariner.
II dote on them" the young lady
passionately responded.
"And what shall | tell you Of tho
doings of us salts?" he tcnderly ask
ed. seH etn
90, tell me how you luff?" sheinn
Gently answered.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
A Millionaire Sentenced.

Milton Weston, the Chicago Mil
liona're, convicted Of completely in
the Murraysville, Pa, gas well riots,
in which Obadiah Shoemaker lost his
life, has been refused new trial and
sentenced to five years hard labor in
the western penitentiary of Pennsyl-
vania. The riots occurred in Septem-
ber, 1888, and were caused by n dis
pute as to the ownership of the famous
Murraysville natural gas well. The
case will be carried to the Supreme
court.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

Count Won Moltke has fully regain
ed his health at San Cremo, but still
looks thin and pale, which is not
strange, considering that he is s4
years old lie takes long walks daily.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
VOL. ii.
Printers ImI1 is Hing.

There is host of men who boast
OF powder, cotton, steam;
But every hour the mighty power
OF printers ink Is seen.
1t moves the world as easily
AS does home mighty thing
And men proclaim in despots ears
That printers ink is kingl
The man OF gold, of wealth untold,
Printers ink may scorn,
Or knit his brow, nor deign to bow
To one so lowly born;
But printers ink has built the throne
Where minds their tributes bring,
And Gods most gifted intollccts
Shout printers ink is king!
King of the world OF thought refined,
No object slave 1t claims;
Where superstition's victims's pine
Itbursts their servile chains.
In every Cline in coming years,
win men proud anthems sing;
And round the world the echoes float
That printe's ink is king, Hg
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

H
Senator Edmunds is at his home in
Vermont.
DR.. Mary Walker is lecturing in a
Chicago dime museum.
Greece owes Great Britain $5,000,-
000-a pretty large Greece spot.
Lord Tennyson receives on an av-
erage of'$7, 900 a year on royalties.
Joaquin Miller turns pale every
time telegraph boy hands him mes
sage.
Venezuela is growing desperate.
Her latest census reveals the presence
of 900 twins,
John Bulls Irish potatoes would so
down better ifhe had a little bear
meat to accompany them.7
A Dakota mob has just lynched a
lawyer. They didn't give him time
. to work up technicality.
A foot of rainTater has recently
fallen in Kansas. Mr.. ST. John APP
pears to be still power out there.
The length Of Secretary Lamar's
daily pedestrian tours is said to APP
pail the other members of the Cabi-
net. 1910 a3ta
General Komaroff's name is said
- lt.n "son Of a mosquito." - No
doubt Komaroff is bloodthirsty
wretch.
Governor Hondly ranges himself
among the great majority and unqual-
ifiedly indorses the Cleveland admin
istration.
There is only one lawyer in the
Indiana pcnitentiary. Indiana law
yers are sharp, very sharp.-Philadel
phia Call.
A new novel is entitled "a Dog
With Bad Name" He probably be
longed to some prominent lawyer
Boston Post. s.s
The engagement OF the Grand Duke
of Baden to the Princess Hilda, o
Warsaw, is the subject Of gossip il
European courts.
Yang Phon Lee, OF Canton, China
now studying at Yale College, lect
ures on "Chinese Women; Their So
cial positions"
Queen Nictoria's only surviving
aunt, the Duchess Of Cambridge, ha
not been outside Of ST. Jamess Palac
for twenty years.
The 'oleomargarine interest is excit
cd over report that one Mr.. Butter
more is about to run for the Legisla
ture in PENNSYLVANIA.
Vassar College girls want to be a
lowed to keep pet dogs. These shoul
certainly be in the curriculum
Philadelphia Call.
Miss Cleveland, according to q lad
correspond, docs up her short hair j
neat coil on top OF her head" Sh
is now in New York.
Stonewall Jackson's only danghte
Julia, will be married at Richmond Q
june Sd, to William E. Christian,
prominent grain merchant.
The wisdom Of trce-planting
Kansas is clearly demonstrated, no
that the Kansans have to climb to g
out of the way OF their floods.
De Giers, the awfully shrewd Ru
sian Minister OF Foreign Affairs, is
Finnish decent tits supposed th
he has about Finniched the English,
Attorner-G General Garlands home
the suberbs Of Little Rock, is an u
pretentions dwelling on a primiti
plan and was named by the own
"Hominy HILL"
Gen. w. r Roberts, OF Raleigh,
c., was the Youngest brigadicr in Il
Confederate army. lie was promot
for gallant conduct, by Gen.9Lce,
the age OF twenty-five
The newest shopping or money I've
arc those lined with silk plush in oil
green or cardinal The old-fashion
heather wallet, lined with greenhat
OF large denominations, however, $
holds its own.
"Now, uncle Giisll'es Geiisll'es,if L yoli F4iiHtve
anything on your heart, any last wi
speak out" said Rev, Whangdoo
Baxter to an old negro who had ol
few hours to live. "I amt got
last wish 'eept dat / wants ter
weL-Ark. Traveller,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09
An tJnsucees.G..l Appeal.

j "Can you lend me two dollars?'
Cant do it possibly"
"Two dollars is not a large sum
lend" aea
mo, but its large sum to lose."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

Senator Edmunds is at his home in
Vermont.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-09

Nh. Blaine called' on President
Cleveland the other day. I'm glad
to see you, Mr. Blaine. What do you
find TO do with yourself these days?q
II am writing history g"WelI, you
are welcome at all times, Mr.. Blaine,
to como here and sce-us make it,
Chicago News.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-04-27
MONDAY EVENING, APRIL 81.
OUR SHADE TREES.

Our shade trees, along the lines Of our
Springfield streets, compose very impor-
tant local feature, and all will be inter-
ested in anything pertaining to their pres
ervat;on. Therefore our readers will be
glad to know that, upon the invitation Of
Mr.. Cole, at 472 South Limestone street,
Mr.. W. NJ. King associate editor Of the
Farm and Fireside, visited his grounds,
and found the soft maple trees badly dam
aged. An insect was found adhering to
the limbs and upon the branches cotton
like substance. Mr. King procured and
promptly forwarded to Prot c. V. Riley,
Chief of the chronological Bureau OF the
Department of Agriculture, specimens of
the insect, together with the cottony sub
stance, and received the following reply:
Your favor OF the 18th inst. has come to
hand.
The insect you enclose is the Cottony
Maple scale (Puipindyia mnumrabiiis, Rathv.)
which the past year was very destructive to
naples 10 many sections of the country so as
to attract general attention. A full and
illustrated article on this insect, by Prof.
Riley, is in bis last annual report (Annual
Report U. S. Department of Agriculture for
1884, p. 35O) and the mode of preparing and
applying kerosene emulsion which is by far
the most reliable remedy for scale insects is
also explained there (p 32s and p. 33O.)
Among the specimens of Pulvinaria you
sent, there were also some pupa skins Of lady
bird EHchomus bioutnuns) which is one Of
the natural enemies OF scale insects
As it is important that immediate steps
should be taken to prevent further dam
age to the shade trees, such as maple
elm, linden, sycamore and others, We
publish below full description, together
with the proper remedies required for
the prompt destruction OF the insect re-
ferred to-
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-04-27

About this time heavy rolling-pin
came in contact with his head. "What
do you mean by that. you vixenp" he
exclaimed In agony. I'm doing some
of the work Sary Ann neglected" " she
replied, and there was much peace In
the family thereafter.
A Kentuckian one day mounted his
good mare Pidge, and threw across his
saddle bag with two turtles in each
end. Being humane man, he made Q
hole near each of the turtles to give
them air. This did very well until the
ill-natured turtles worked their heads
out of the holes and nabbed poor Pidge
simultaneously on her flanks. She
made spring that threw her rider, and
away she went. The turtles held their
grip, and Pidge ran till she fell ex.
ha,isted. Since then, no Kentuckian,
as far as heard from, has ever used tur-
ties for spurs. Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
New Boarder-I beg your pardon,
madam. and hope you won't be angry,
but can't stay here. did not know
that your daughter had craze for art
or / would not have come. l LETT the
last place because l was driven al
most insane by their esthetic trumper-
les. Mrs Slimdct-Really, sir, you
surprise me. My daughter has no
craze for art. Then how does it hap
pen that she has been doing repousse
work for the last hourp" "Repousse
workP' "Ycs; hammering brass. The
noise is fearful" '.Oh! calm yourself,
sir. That's only the cook with the
beefstcak"