The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-02-25
Whole No. 100
WIT AMI HUMoR.

thats eXcuz enun god nose.
mo, said druggist, .sthere is not
such an awful profit on glass of soda
water. You see, the wear and tear on
the glass amounts to something"
We are still wanting to know why it
is that girl with pretty dimples can't
pass man on the street without biting
her under lip so as to make them show.
Henry Ward Beecher says that pie
and civilization go hand in hand If
Mr. Beecher is correct civilization
should procure bottle of pain-killer
atonce.
A contemporary asks ''shall the back
doors of the saloons be closed on Sun
daysp" Can't say. "Where there's a
will there's way but we give it up
on ''shall.
scientific paradox: Glass is nom
conductor, but we nave seen Jersey
lightning held by common bar room
tumbler. We admit it was for short
time, though.
Dumas fis is something severe: The
conversation had turned upon Mrs. X,
who had been very beautiful. "She
has something of the goddess, said q
faithful admirer. "Yes, said Dumas,
antiquity
A gentleman who made an attempt
to learn roller skating said he would
have got along very well ii, in adj
dition to the skates on his feet, he
had strapped another pair on the seat
of his trousers.
If man wants peace to reign in the
household he should count ten before
speaking at times when he feels as if
his clothes don'tfit him. And on DAYS
when the kitchen stove doesn't draw
he should count 4S0.
The measure of his devotion: A
young lady who lately received a
bouquet of roses was somewhat amused
to find the donors visiting card at
tached to it and written on the wrong
side these words: mot to exceed 81
Not long ago an advocate of female
suffrage was asked. s.How would you
like TO have your wife running for Of
flee against you?" and the reply was:
Nothing would suit me better The
family couldn't ask softer thing than
that
O1g ICSg oSt1Ni I1INGuug JdLkS
ing about music at Mrs. Suddenriches'
reception, Il just dote on them SYM
pathy concerts, and my husband insists
on our prescribing for the whole series.
Amt them Beethoven rapsodies real
elegant?''
Il preserve my equilibrium under all
circumstances, she was heard to say
in a pause of the music to the tow
headed youth who was her escort.
''Do you?' he answered softly. ''Moth-
er cans hers, " Then the music re-
sumed.
Let the hairy-headed citizen display
his charms and speak with sneers and
ridicule Of his less-favored brother,
but let him remember meanwhile that
the proud emblem of our glorious
country is a bald-headed eagle. Bos-
ton Globe
ASweet Thing in Collafs-Lady: 81
should ike to choose a few of those
lovely collars. suppose they are the
S2aRcatft SS2aRcatftts stBBlft BIT o,a2lp lamp 1iG;ES
Made German Joke.
Carlisle, Pa, is greatly disturbed
over the disappearance of twelve
year-old boy; but as he was sent on an
errand TO store quarter of mile
away, and has been gone only eight
days, it isn't time for him to get back.
Detroit Post and Tribune.
She is beautiful ulraven-haired, dark
eyed maiden, with two rows OF as
pearly teeth as ever glistened in the
rear of two ruby, yum-yum lips, but
there is a $4 mortgage on one row held
by tooth doctor, and he refused to let
the poor girl lift it at nickel kiss.
A newspaper in an Eastern city. pre-
diets that in the near future there viii
be no swinging signs, no telegraph
poles, no huckstering stands, no horse
blocks, no hitching-posts. A little
further on, and there win be no pro-
jecting doorsteps or yawning cellar
ways.
Mark Twain saws he has retired
from the lecture platform. The great
trouble with MARI. as lecturer was
that, notwithstanding he had $2O0
night, it made him mad when he spoke
to a $500 house, and realized that
somebody else was making the other
$1OG. He considered it a clear case OF
highway robbery.
Miss SINNERS and Miss Littlebud
were discussing handsome and popu-
lar physician recently. II ike him
ever SO much" said Miss SINNERS.
s'Oh, so do |, replied Miss Littlebud;
s'but he gives me such awful inedl-
cine.n ''Oh, don't mean his physic,
Uttered Miss SINNERS; Il mean his
physique. = Then they giggled in
chorus
ssWhere were you last Sunday, Rob
bie?' asked the teacher of ono Of the
brightest scholars in her Sunday-school
class. aMy mother kept me home,
s.Now, Robbie, dc You know where lit
tie boys 90 TO when they play truant
from Sunday-schoolP'' Eyes. ma am.
sWhereP'' 'sThey go fishinF' ex-
claimed the boy. letting the whole
feline out of the paper envelope.
1t doesn't follow that because d man
is a monopolist he can't say an occa-
sional good thing. Fred Crocker re-
Gently refused a pass to q sort OF
peripatetic humbug, who indignantly
demanded to be informed how long the
railroad crowd proposed to grind the
faces of the poor II don think you
need be alarmed retorted young
Crocker; 1--WE are not workers IN
brass"
Old Dan had used his neighbers'
fence as firewood, and was accordingly
brought before the court to answer for
the same ..Have you any lawyer for
defense?'' asked the Judge, as Dan
took his place. INC, sor. ! hab not.
replied the negro. ''Kase yo' know,
Jedre, faint de fence what needs q
lawyer. hit arm dis po' niggah dat am
in fer it; spec yer better pint one
out for him.
sWake ape' exclaimed Mrs Null
berry in a loud whisper, as she punched
the slumbering Mulberry in the short
ribs VI ith her elbow the other night
sswake upi I'm sure hear burglars
down in the dining-room. Don't
disturb them, then, said the drowsy
Mulberry, turning over on the other