The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1885-08-08
mlRRIAcE.
Bruddcr Gardner's Advice 70 Young
Man who Contemplated Matri'
mony.

shouid ike TO spoke rev re-
marks to Brudder Side Skinner" oh.
served the President, as the dust began
to settle in Paradise Hall.
Brother Skinner, who is young man
OF 70. with mild eye and lilac neck
tie, advanced to the front, and the
President continued:
"Brudder Skinner, de news has
reached my ears dat you am about to
be mar'd, Etrus' dat de report am
true, bekase / believe it am de dooty of
every yonng man who kin support a
wife to take one."
1T am true, sah."
"Den let me compliment you wild one
hand an spoke few remarks to you
wild dc odder. Gittin' mar'd has its
VERY serious side. Fur instance, am
de gal gwine to marry you bekase she
loves you, or to spite her folks bekase
dey kept her away from de skatia'
rink? Am yo' gwin to marry de gal
fur love, or bekase her father has some
wealth which you hope he'll shell out
fur your benefit?
Love am powerful emoshup,
Brudder Skinner, but love widout pork
and 'taters to keep it goin' am like de
froth on top of soda water.
Don't mistake your sentiments. If
you am sartin' dat you love, go ahead.
II it am only lolIypop, hire out as a
deck.hand on a steamboat fur week
an it will 60 away. hev known cou.
Piles ez seem to be dyin' OF love- Der
silly ackshuns made 'em de laffin' stock
Of hull nayburhood. Dey seemed to
dote an dote, but it didn't last. After
couple of yiars de husband war a
home grumbler and tyrant, an de wife
a gadabout an scold. What dey
s'posed was love was only lollypop.
"Doan' marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in -fhe harber
bizness. Most dsr.in.laws not only
want all dey hsz got but am willin' to
struggle fur another. $40, 900.
'Doan' sot down and fgger dat fo'
taters, loaf Of bread, half pound OF
meat an quart of applesass am goin'
to run you fur week. You will want
all de salary you kin airn an You had
better look aroun' and find somebody
vino will lend you a dollar now an
then.
"Doan' natter yerselves dat all ye
hev got to do am to hug in de house an
kiss ober de gate. You'll be hungry
fur con beef an baked beans; your
close will war out; your flour an but.
ter will waste away an a bill fur two
months rent will send chill mp yer
back. De man or woman who specks
dat mar'd life am green an shady
lane, lined wild orange blossoms on one
side an ten dollar bills ON de odder, am
gwine to wake up some day an find de
rats leaven de place in disgust.
"Think of desc things, Brudder
Skinner. You kin get wife in about
five minutes, but it takes FIVE Vars to
git shet of one of 'em. Expect about
one days sun fur week OF cloudy
weather. Reckon on house rent comm
due de fust Of ebery month. an de
grocer an butcher keepin' an eye out
for you each Saturday night. 1t will
amaze you how de woodpile decides an
how de -four gifts outen de bari so soon.
Doan' walk into matrimony like lob
ster into a box. but figger on whether
de bait am wuth de risks. II you con
clude to mary you kin depend on di'
club attendin' de obsequies in body
bringin' along a bounteous supply o
ham sandwiches. II you decide not to
it am probable dat you will soon b.
promoted to some posishun of trus' an
responsibility"