The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-06-20

an extraordinary announcement in
boldly declaring that he .will sail his
yacht America "if he has to take the
helm himself" but years ago down in
New Orleans they used to say that he
would take anything he could lay his
hands on.
Amateur" writes to the Boston
Budget to ask how to preserve piano.
Some people might advise amateur"
to put flannel round it and wrap it up
in camphor, but a much surer and
safer way is to bottle it in alcohol, and
make perfectly sure that the jar is
Theoretically sealed.
When Mr.. Cleveland went to select
a pew in the Washington church
which he attends, he was asked what
part of the building he would like to
sit in. tWell,G he said, "Idon't want
to be 80 near the minister that he can
see whether or not | am listening"
Boston girl Ito Uncle James, q farm
er)-"Do you like living on farm,
Uncle James?"
Uncle James-"Yes, like it very
much"
Boston girl--"I suppose it is nice
enough in the glad summer time; but
to go out in the cold and snow to
gather winter apples and harvest win
ter wheat imagine might be any
thing but pleasant
A New York actress has "leapcd at
one bound into the realms OF fame"
by appearing before an audience in
her bare feet. The fashion of nudity
seems to have reached the other ex-
treme. Lydia Thompson, score of
years ago "leaped at one bound into
the realms of fame" but we believe
she wore shoes-and not much else.
Bismarck used to have three hairs
OH his bald head, but now he is done
with the brush and comb forever. He
is the c0olest-hcadcd man in Europe
perhaps this accounts for it. A lady
wrote to him for some personal me-
mento, ii it were "only single hair. "
Bismarck scrawled ON tie bottom of
the letter, "lnpossible, madam; they
are all gone J" and returned it to the
writer.
Mrs. Minks-"There it is again.
Tobacco, always tobacco. What will
you do when you get to Heaven,
where there are no spittoons?"
Mr.. Minks-"Perhaps there will be
some there"
Mrs. Minks-"Indced there won't.
The idea. What will you do then,
Mr.. Minks! Just answer me that"
Mr. Minks--'I really don't know
my dear, unless we can get seats near
the edge
The world moves! Since the death
of Charles r. Howard, the head of the
Louisiana Lottery robbery, and the
chief director of its corrupt control OF
political authority, the New Orleans
Picdyune ventures to refer apologetic'
ally to tho lottery villiany as an "objec'
tionable creation" that "grew out oI
the dark regime of Radical rule.
That isn't much but it's more than q
New Orleans journal dared to say fol
some years
In the Bernese Oberland a parrot
one day made its escape and perchet
} on the rain trough of farm hause il
the neighhorhood. The farmer VIII,
had probably never been out Of hi.
native village, brought ladder t
capture the strange animal. Whei
he had reached the top and was reach
ing out his hand, the parrot callee
out "What do you want?' The as
tonished peasant at once took off hi
cap and said "Oh, / beg your pardon
| thought you was a birdp
= 1t seems to be the ambition of al
. young wives to look well when an,
one calls. A young bride heard RIM
q at the front door. The maid was ou
and she rushed upstairs to "tidy"
little before admitting the caller
there was n moment of lightning worl
e before the dressing table. Quicke
a than it takes to tell it, a ribbon wa
fastened to her throat, flower wa
stabbed into her hair, fash Of pow
. der on her face, and she was at tn
h door-all smiles and bushes. Tn
i gentleman" said he had the cheap
est clothes-props that could be bough
4 for money.
e He Was Waiting.
A oond oil Eopfucl-v danaonrat Ii, II