Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1885-04-02
WIT AND HUMoR.

o, say can you see by the dawn's early light.
What you failed 70 perceive al the twiiighrs
A cranky concern that through the long
night
Der the bed where you sIeptwas so saucily
The silk patches so fair.
Round. three-cornered, and square.
Give proof that the lunatic bed-quilt is
there.
o. the crazy quilt mania triumphantly raves.
And maid. wife, and widow are bound as its
slaves
There's good time coming, boys"
So say the wisest men;
But II they're right. will some OF them
Please specify just wheng
The cartoon now figures prominent
ly. The car-tune is, "Your fare, please,
gentlemen.
If two-wheeled vehicle is bicycle,
and a three-wheeled tricycle., to what
cycle does the wheelbarrow belongP"
A woman at Pekin, ILL.,, has finger
nails an inch long. Her husband goes
creeping around as if he was walking
on tacks.
The conductors on street-cars in
Mexico alway carry rcvolvers. Proba-
bly, they want to shoot the fares after
they have knocked them down.
1t is well enough to permit people
20 keep on discovering gold mines, but
when you are asked to buy stock is the
time for you to close your left eye
Detroit Free Press.
A man who paid the plumber $500
for putting the water on every floor of
his house said when the chimney
cahSht fire the engine company did the
same job without charging him PEN
ny.
"Oh! yes, said the Kentucky man.
''We keep a COW, and also have well.
We can't make the punches without
milk, you know, and Il COW can't get
along without water. -PhiLadelphia
call.
A bashful youth, confronted with the
contingency of having to speak to the
old man about her." was heard to re-
mark: after q fellow pops, then
pos the fellow that worries the
most"
A Brooklyn man split some ink on Il
rug and expended 49, 65 to get the stain
out. As he could buy rug for Sl.75
he is correspondingly mad. and lays all
to Cleveland election. - Brooklyn
Times.
Joaquin Miller processes to have
cleaned against the warm, tremendous
mouth" OF the Mississippi. In the in
terest OF sane poetry, it is a pity the
mouth didn't open and take him in
Boston Herald.
Gen. Dan Sickles, who lost his leg in
the late war, was asked by waiter in
restaurant how and when he lost it.
Sickles says he replied Young man,
lost my leg at the battle of Bunker
Hill, and don't you forget it.
At the recent Woman's 8 Congress one
lady remarked that '.it's nice thing
for man to keep his mouth fit to be
| kissed What has that to do with
| woman sufragep Is this u forecast of
mpaign tactics in the halcyon futurea
The Philadelphia Call explains why
there are no lodges or clubs among the
Mormons. 1T is out of the range
of possibility to expect to find
eighteen or twenty wives all asleep
when the belated member gropes his
way upstairs.
Miss Prettypert-"Why don't you
come over with your sister to our place
sometimes, Johnnie?" Johnnie (ris-
ing 10)-"Wcll, it's like this, y'know,
Miss Prettypert Where there's a
rippin nice girl like you,if | came often
people might think l had intentions,
and I'm not marrying m,nH'
The tot number of cigars produced
in the United States is 5000, 600
annually. 1t max 5 fellow awful sad
to think that he can't smoke them all
or 1t would make him sad wore he not
aware that there are some 2,999. .999, 900,
more or less, that he wouldn't smoke
under any circumstances. boston
| Transcript.
A Norwich man told lady that he
would DC pleased to spend an evening
at her house. She replied that sho
would be very glad to have him do so,
and further asked the young man to
call on Friday evening. She said she
would not be at home herself. but
mother and the dog would be there
Hartford Times.
"Algernon. love, the doctor said
that | absolutely required change.
was forced to tell him You was always
lust run out of it whe ever asked you
for any, and that it was weeks since
You had given me Il cent Then he
said must need great deal of change.
Amt you ashamed, now?' But hc
wasn't Not one bit.
'Shall l sing when the robins nest
again darling?" she asked with a
sweet smile as she moved toward the
piano "Yes, love- he replied. Then,
after moments pause, he added:
"Allow me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
till next year. She did not sing,
and he doesn't 60 there any more.
An Arizona sporting-man was re-
Gently inveigled into a church fair and
induced to try his hand at the wheel OF
fortune. In half an hour he had all the
money in the bank and mortgage on
the church. He very considerably
gave them back the mortgage, and in
the future the church will choose its
victims with more care.-Puck.
A man in town received a note
Christmas, in which the writer thanked
him for some conscience money, which
be supposed the man had sent. The
receiver of the letter wrote q note in