The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-05-28
ARP RESTING.
The Experience of a; Lecturer-How the
Home Plnce has Improved During 1ia
Absence.

Home Plnce has Improved During his
Absence.
A whole week of rest--aristocratic
rest. I've been putting on airs of a
gentleman and strutting around since I
came home, but my time is most out.
Delicate hints are made that various
things need looking after. Little coops
are wanted for. the Spring chickens.
Some blue grass sod must be hauled to
cover new square in the front yard.
There is whitewashing, which I under.
stand, has got to be done, and the car.
pets must be taken up and beaten and
put away. Oh, my country, is there no
rest for the weary-I find that the idea
prevails in my numerous and interesting
family that / have been off on 9 long
frolic and have feasted on the fat of
Texas land, whereas I never worked so
hard in my life, and was never so glad to
get home and rest. Fortwo long months
/ was on a perpetual strain trying to
pIease-to please new people, every day
trying to play the philosopher and the
wit, and feeling utterly unfit for both
trying 10 say smart things, and repeating
them over and over again to new folks
until I felt ashamed of them and wanted
to beg pardon of my own jokes.
But the joke is all over now. There is
no joke in taking up carpet and beat
ing the dust out of it.: My folks have
done a power of work since have been
gone. There are three acres of ground
around our house-three acres of grove
and front yard and back yard and spring
lot, and it has ali been swept and gar.
nished and looks likei it had been raked
with fine tooth comb. New steps have
been made at the front gate. A new
fence at the foot of the hill. The old
hen house with all its accumulated yer.
min has been torn down and moved
away. The old wood.pile cleaned up
and concentrated. A new ash hopper
rugged up, and the garden is a model of
nice walks and straig ght rows and thrifty
vegetables. This gardening business has
always been my work and my pleasure,
and when Mrs. Arp would come out in
her sunbonnet and calico apron and sorter
oversee and encourage me [ was happy.
But she had it all in charge thisatime
and wanted to surprise me with her hor.
ticulture. Well, I have known for over
thirty years that she could do anything
she set her head to, but I didn't know
that she would ever set her head to
gardening, considering how much else
she had to do. Of course l praised it
and went off into uxorial rhapsody, but
suddenly ]. forgot my usual discretion
and happened to mention that cucumbers
should not be planted close to squashes,
for they would mix their pollen and
"and what" said she. ooh, nothing
much," said l meekly; "only the seed
will degenerate, at least the gardening
books say 80, but, I reckon they are
mistaken" got out of it as easy as 1
could, but still I find that the garden has
been informally turned over to me and l
am expected to finish it. was reading
the other day about old Spoopendyke-
how the old sinner lorded it over his
meek and submissive wife about the
gardening business, and when she sug-
gested the planting some flower seed for
ornaments he said: "What kind Of
flowers flowers I reckon
maybe you want to plant some old bon
net wire and few rags and raise you q
Spring bonnet" And when she ventured
to mention that fountain would be
pretty, lie said: fountain how are you
going to raise a fountain-where are
your seed-do you expect to plant a
bucket of water and have it come up a
fountain, you old weasly thing" Well,
1 just want to get hold of him and help
his wife civilize him for about fifteen
minutes. I know some wives who
wouldent want any help. The old brute.
When woman does her best to please
her husband he ought to appear pleased
whether he is or not. I know some
Spoopendykes and / have no respect for
them. If the peas in my garden are
sorter scattering I am content, for don't
care much about peas no how. The
Irish potatoes aresplendid and l can live
on them.
And there are some female Spoopsn.
dykes too scattered around. I saw one
in the cars the other day over in Arkan-
saw; she and her old man got aboard at
station and took seat just behind me
in the smoking car. They we're right
common people-that is, he was. She
had snuff stick in her mouth, and
when he motioned her to 60 in the seat
first she shook her head and motioned
him to 60 in. After while the newsboy
came along with cigars and he took one
and looked at both ends aud all around
and asked the price. The boy said ten
cents. He smelt of the cigar and then
felt for dime. The old 'oman watched
him silently until then, but she couldent
stand it any longer.
"You amt gwine to give ten cents for
that seegyar are you ?" believe | will
Sally" he said. "Jest to burn up" said
she. "Thats what hits made for Sally;;D
said he. "WellI do know, said she," "I'd
look at dime long time before I'd
give it for that thing and then burn it
right straight up. If I was gwine to be
fool I'd be fool some other way"
By this time he had borrowed fire from
me and got the thing to burning, and as
he pufed the smoke upwards he said: T:
"Sally, i haint smoked seegyer in three
lbOhuuo oho WO ptO oA - oOAU VA - 1ASAAS
now you know. You bought dimes
worth of snuff yesterday morning, and
if you haint burnt it up you've mighty
nigh sucked it up-so whats the difunce,
Sally ?" "Well, it was my money, said
she-my snuff never costs you nothin'-
nary cent" "And my seegyar never
cost you nothin'," said he, and he elevated
his chin and screwed up his mouth and
blowed the smoke away up yonder.
Well, I was on his side of that fight,
and I think she knew it, for when I be-
gun conversation with him she turned
her head the other way. =,
For few days past I have been going
fishing. The creek is close by, and the
fish are spelling for the frying pan, and
fishing is such quiet, contomplative work
or play, or whatever you call it. 1t is
the only occupation | know of that is
common to white folks and niggers, to
gentlemen and vagabonds. They are all
ouu al nm tho honE Ea of tho creeL mr. nroun6