Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-07-05
II al

Il Oh INC C4Ook CkePt okouB WWoz0 80 =.
hour for opening, there was msch wonder
and speculation over the absence Of Brother
Gardner. II was noticed that Sir Isaac
Walpole, Elder Tooh and Judge Cadavsy
were in close and earnest consultatisn, and
| vhan the triangle finally sounded its note
| of warning there was an underlined fear that
something was about to happen-somethiDg
not down on the usual programme.
SIR NAAc EXPLAINS.
my freas," said Brother Walpole, as .
solid hash fell upon the ~assemblage, 'our
beloved President left fur de western part Of
de Stait two days sso TO deibcr Q lecktur
befo' q body named, De Association fur de
Snppreshu Of Corrupt Legislators he de-
parted in response tos telegram, an be LETT
IN such q hurry dat he tsok muffin with him
except Q pocksscomb an . change OF paper
collahs. He issected to return in about
twenty.four hours, but he su still absent,
an no word or lise has BIN received from
him. We will open de exercises BY singis'
S topg constructed and finished OF entirely
hy han BY de Hon. Castoff Jirkins, Of Var
ginny."
The solg averaged up about ss bllows:
"DE WATTIRMELLUM"
BY DE HON. c. }.
Il, Be SRg wa Fteiagl
'oh' de blessed watermellyan SERUM.
An de only VERY speshul rrrsa
Am 10 eatl eat! eat
An 20 yum! yum! yum!
Oh! bless d. watcrmellyuul
VERSE; TUE rworu.
Oh! dc ratermeilyan cometh frI Us.
An we Sinder like ,ohev him VERY near US
Dosn' forgit!
We yussi ynm! dcvuur,
Wild q yusni yum, power.
Dat AMI bad fur he blessed vxssrmellyung
vEssE Ins THRxK-
Oh. De richness an de Asncss an dc juice
Make. US hs,kcr fur to pat our humbs- selves
Beside him!
An TO hus' al 10 ear
An to yum yoesh! whoUpl
oh! Lor' wiar am he!
GeaeuI cAs-.s. accompanied By boa,es j,rthorp',
nO~h organs, cai erfdc~ee q 'HfeHe y'efSsl
Obi buy him
on steal himi
Oh git him in yer paws moss any way yr KIM
lur he's Tchnessl
An he's goodness!
An to gobhie on nmellyun was neber yit a SIM
A JUST REWARD.
At the conclusion Of the song Waydown
Beebe arose with tears in his eyes, aud his
bosom making t~hirty-six revolutions per
minute. As Chairman Of the Committee
on Disinfectants and Poetry he had oaered
a prize OF IS to the best ode to the water
melon. There was no need OF doing any
farther or waiting any longer. He should
Of once forward his note OF hand to the
builder Of the ode-a note at one year, with
out Endorsement or interest.
HEARD FROM.
Brother Bebee's heroic and philsntrophic
resolution wss being vigorously cheered
wi en- the Keeper OF the Outer Door an
nounced a communication and sent 1t up to
the Presidents desk. Sir Isaac Walpole
vas visibly affected as he perused it, and in
his nervous excitement he lost one Of the
eyes to his spe c~tacles, and knockeda bottle
OF ink of the desk full upon the Secretary's
bald pate.
A~THUYDERBoLr!
my freus." said Sir Isaac, as soon As be
could control his voice and stand on his
legs, dds message explains dc myterious
absence Of our President. listen while
read:
ST.. JosEpH COUNTY, Mich,
IL THE County JAIL.
NY DEAR BRErHRES-At de close OF my
'%,,,ctur' las mite | was arrested on de charge
Of hayin Iccaceived q bride to i~nfooence my
ofishul ~ackshun., Dey hev taken me fur q
member of de L~egis.aSchur. an ON
charged with having received de sum oil
5000 for my vote on q land grant, bill TO Q
sartin railroad. While it an. Of Course, q
case Of mistaken identity, an while / shA!(i
eventually emerge from dis cell whittier than
cut-loaf sugar, popular indignashun has 20
blinded de public dat you may not see me
home fur seberal days-perhaps o week.
Some Of you 90 ober an see de ole woman
an lend her a few shillins to run de house
on until my return, an some mo Of you be
prepaid TO take a freight train fur dis place
upon receipt off postal keerd. shall hev
to be identified, an shall hev to prove dat
/ heven't bin widin fifty miles of de House
of Representatives doorin' de present
seshum. Let Sir Isaac Walpole be called
to de char, an let de meetin' 60 on de same
as il de dishonesty Of high public oeishuls
bad not brought dis calamity upon Us.
BRo. GARDNER.
All was uproar and confusion at once.
Giyesdam Jones called for 500 900 volun.
teers, armed with SOC, 900. b~one-handled
razors, to follow him TO the rescue, and TO
shed 100000 gallons Of blood, TO wipe out
the insult
Sbindig Watkins said he wss ready to
lay down bis life, II necessary, and his words
were echoed by Judge Cadayer, Cohorts
Perbips, Trustee Pullbsck and City others,
AID the enrsged mob glsred around tor .
victim.
Sir Isaac spoke soothingly. Il ives .
mistake which had often happened before.
IL had often been remarked that Brother
Gardner looked like q member OF the Leg
~islature. and The people who caused his af.
r. st would willingly apologize ~ o a.
their victim was properly identified. As for
the routine business of the meeting IL had
all been upset. end he thought the wissst
policy was to adjourn. a.
The decision was ceneurIed 10 BY the
Rev. Pensteck, Wsydovn Bebee, and other
| influential members, and o motion TO ad-
iourn was carried. The hall then became
the headquarters Of such On excitement
| that the police several times raped on the
alley and threAteped arbitrary measured. II
was finally decided BY the members Of the
| club:
l. To raise $40 and employs lawyer Who
can cry to q jury.
/ 2. To forward q COMMITTEES of Eve mem.
beers by the first Blue Line freight train.
3 20 demand full satisfaction for the
insult, and to accept nothing less than $780,
coo damages.
4. To take said $50 900 dsmsgss and
erect q new Paradise Hall.