Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-06-17
WIT AND lIUNiOlt.
when ! was a lad used TO play
A little lrnw-pOkcr aud the games of the

"
A little druw-pokcr aud the games of the day.
shulicd the cards with asklliul hnnd,
And dealt them ns quick ns any honest man.
! shuitrd Rud dealt 10 Cnrrtill-rc
That ut last was wanted by the grand 1ur-ec'
Chorus.
We shuilIcd aud dealt So CarCtuec
That we all were wanted by the grand jur.co.
Paris llncon.
A lesson in physics: Tcachcr-.What
is vcloctyP pupil--Nclocity Is what a
man puts hot plate down WITH
FremdCHbidA
A nurseryman says that the best
kind of dogwood is the rcd-fowcring
Our experience is that a clothcs-pole is
the best, because it is light enough to
handle easily. and long enough TO en-
able you to hit the dog at almost any
range. -iHc6.
"rhc only thing to mar the pleasure
of the occasion, wrote an Arizona cd
itor of funeral, "was n little difficult
ty between the clergyman and one OF
the mourncrs concerning the owner
ship of flask found in the carriage
they had occupied"
The Rev. Whangdoodlc Baxter met
Jim Webster last Sunday. Webster
was intoxicated. you should ncbbcr
get drunk on Sunday, Jccmcs," said
the cleric. 81 ncbbcr hab no money
lef ober on Monday ter get DRINK on,
as don't take up tho collccshuns on
Sunday. TcrdS SJtimgS.
The war in the Soudan has raised the
price of lions, and the unpleasantncss
between England and Russia will put a
premium on bears. The lookout for
poor people is growing blackcr, but it
may afford them consolation to know
that war between all the European
nations would not increase the price OF
dogs. .-NorrtStoWn Herald.
'.Soe here, your clerk has made q
mistake in putting up this prescription.
He has substituted arsenic for CalomeL
I've good mind to report him to the
public authorities ii wouldn't do
that" protested the druggist Don't
say anything about the matter and if
he makes such mistake again I'll re-
duce his salary "-New York World.
The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania
has decided that unless persons look
both ways in crossing a railroad track
they cannot obtain damages for inju-
rics they may receive. This gives cross
eyed people decided advantage over
those who can see straight, and in some
measure mitigates the ailliction of be-
ing cross-eyod. Life is full of compsn-
sations. --BoStOn courier.
Baltimore is more like Troy than it is
like Albany. The Monumental City
has many pretty girls; ditto Troy. The
young Baltimore man who employed u
servant to hold girl while he kissed
her had provocstion. But nobody ever
heard of man ubstracting n kiss from
an Albany girl without her consent.
Kissing in the town below is consider
ed an act of sacrifice on the part of the
man.-2roy Press
A company of Good Tcmplars was
marching down tho street with bands
playing and banner on which was in
scribcd 1--WE Bend the Knee, but Not
the Elbow" On the sidewalk was an
old soaker who read the inscription
with many hiccough, and added, go,
yes, you bend the knee, but not the ell
bow. That comes of this beastly habit
of drinking out Of the bung." And the
procession moved on. -Brooklyn Ea-
gle.
vaomanrv warrior wal known in tb.
saddle. replied to hi, partners innuirv
% IN the hour ..W.allv NV v.Ia, for,
cot to wind NV watch last nicht." In
q few seconds after the young ladv
cInsed her ewes drnnning a. il wora ~
sIeen, .Are Won tewv tiredp" asked
he, .Ob, YES" answered the clever
girl ..for NV maid NJ all work forgot
to close nv eves ias, ,iah, v" EnaS;sh
pnner
Tenpyson,s "you. Youw