Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-27
The Bad Boy.


Say, WHAT'S the matlef over 10
your house ?" asked the groceryman
of the bad boy, as he came in with a
big basket aud ordered q quantity of
groceries, "Your PAS grocery bill is
five times as big as it used to be. l
thought it was on account of Thanks
giving, but it keeps piling right up,
aud you wouldn't order the cheapest,
rustiest mackerel and two shilling
tea for Thanksgiving. What's np?"
"0h we are keeping boarders," said
the boy, as he wiped the mould of
some prunes ON his coat tail. "You
see, after election pa and me held a
council of war, and something had to
be doue, cause pa can't get any office
out of Cleveland before next March,
if he does then. So they concluded
TO 60 to keeping boarders, ma to man
q 90 the house and pa 10 hustle around
outside and ltick up the Loarlels,
and collect the money, and sort OF
b ,ss things. have to do about all
the work, though"
"Kell, that is enterprising, and l
am glad TO see your pa settling DO Sn
to a steady business. But how does
it work SO far?" and the groceryman
handed the boy bill for the weeks
groceries, with a request that his pa
would pay at once, as he had to pay
bis rent"
IL don't think it is a success" said
the boy, as he backed up to the stove
to get warm, "and guess it will use
ma up entirely. You see pa hain't got
no sense. If he finds a man that is
looking for board, he hustles him
right home without making any in
quiries as TO whether the man can
pay or not, and when they don't pay
pa hasn't got sand enough TO bounce
'em, and ma has TO do it. 1t is one
continued round OF pleasure between
pa and ma, each finding fault with
the way the other runs things. Pa
got a fellow TO board with us, and af-
ter two weeks he didn't have any
money, and he had borrowed nine
dollars of pa, and lent him my roll
Ter skates and he hasn't showed up
lately. Then pa struck a music teach
er, and gave her the privilege of CIV
ing lessons in the parlor, and she
mauled the piano all day and had a
fellow come and sit up with her ev-
cry evening, and when she came to
nav her bill there was something
coming to her. She charged for Civ
ing me music lessons, cause | used TO
go in the parlor and stand by the
piano, TO turn the music, and put my
arm around her once in while.
Gosh, thought she liked il, because
she used TO look up to me and smile,
and when ma told her to pay up, we
owed her, and she said she would
stay another week and board out the
balance lima would keep her naugh-
ty boy out of the parlor. Ma hus-
tied her, you bet! Ma found the
most fault with pa about carving.
She has tried to teach him to cut
meat thin, so thin that you can see
through it, but he carves just as
though we had visitors instead OF
boarders, and ma says that will
break up the best boarding house in
the world. think pa showed the
least sense when he took the living
skeleton from the dime museum to
board. A living skeleton is all right
enough in his proper sphere, at d
museum, and nobody thinks anything
of looking at him, but to have one in
the family is another thing. Pa told
ma that we could make more money
OIL one living skeleton than we could
OH four ordinary boarders, and thai
encouraged ma, and she let pa bring
him home, but lordy, the first round
at the table convinced ma. The skel.
eton eat as much as any four board
ers, and after dinner three boarders
left. They said ifthcy associated with
the skeleton they would be classed as
curiosities too. The skeleton is q
darned nuisance, cause he DOM
know his place. Then the music
teacher was playing some tune and
the boarders we're sitting around the
parlor listening, the darned old skele'
ton would play an accompaniment
with his shin bones, like minstre
show, and the music teacher tainted
and pa had to hold her, and ma didn't
like that very well. One night pa
went down to the museum and wait
ed to come home with the skeleton
after the show. / didn't know
whether pa had been drinking or mo-
but little after midnight we heard
an awful racket down stairs, ant
when we went down we found that
pa had hung the living skeleton on
the hat-rack, and gone to bed. The
skeleton rattling his legs against thu
umbrellas and canes, and Yelling, ant
when we unlocked his collar from
the hat-rack and took him down, ht
said he had never been treated so il
any place he ever boarded. Whei
he goes along the street people poin
to him aud say, You can see wha
kind ofa boarding house they keep |
The skeleton is down OH me though
and says he will kick the liver outer
me when he catches me. You set
he went in the bathroom to take
bath, and wanted Inc to come IN
and take towel and sort of polish
his limbs. Sol took some furniture
polish and vanished his legs and
arms, aud the next morning he was SO
mad he coulden't eat any breakfast
l told him that was the ancient
Egyptians treated their mummies
and they kept for centuries but i
didn't encourage him, and hereached
one of his bony arms across the
table towards my hair, and | Icrawled
under the table and lit out. Pa says
| was cruel. lie said | must re-
member that a skeleton has feelings
as we'll as anybody. lie said |
shouldn't do anything to the skeleton
that / wouldn't do to any Other
boarder, and when | looked at the
music teacher and snickered right out
ma she slapped me on one side of my
head and pa slapped me on the other
and the music teacher got me by the
hair, and the dude that waits on her
he kicked me. oh, we are having i
monkey and parrot time at oul
house,"
"Well, l should think you were,
said the groccryman. "But what i