Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-05-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


The lay of the song birds-Eggs.
A fright smart" thing-Horse radish.
Aeronauts are very much taken up with
their profession, like tramps and house
breakers.
"a piece of lemon bound upon corn
will cure it," 4 sort of lemon aid, as
it were.- Graphic.
Domestic pursuits-Chasing the man
of the house with a broomstick.
Iingtoa Free Press.
There is only one thing sadder than
death, and that is seat in theatre be-
hind our-story hat DO ton Post.
1t is impossible for leopards to escape
when once in confinement, for they are
always "spottcd. y Merchant TraUeIer.
eyes" said the dudeling, as he
gathered himself up, ''the hardest thing
about roller skating is the floor. "-Lye.
The skating rinks should make a deal
of money. The patrons come down
handsomely every night. Boston Tran
script.
There are certain social grades in
every rank of life. Even the poor fisher
man is obliged to draw the line some ,
where. Boston Courier.
"All is not gold that glitters," OBJ
served the philosopher, just after he had
absent-mindedly picked up a red-hot
horse shoe. e.-L0aoeU Citizen.
"Man is born to rule the world" says
philosopher. Woman is born to rule
man. No philosopher says this, but it
is fact nevertheless. - Graphic.
1t is much harder work for a man to
care for his children an hour and half
while his wife is at church than to run
fox all day Waterloo Obesr0sr.
A Southern woman has in use roll
ing-pin bought when she was married
sixty. one years ago. Her husband has
evidently behaved himself. - Call.
ga talking machine has just been in
vented in Vienna" says an exchange.
The dickens you say Why, we married
one ten years ago!-NeWman Independent.
Clear down to vegetation's roots
The solar warmth now reaches,
And girls are trimming bathing suits
For mashing at the beaches
boston Courier
prevent nice from gnawing the bark off
fruit trees 2" Kill the mice, of course.
A dead mouse never gnaws bark
Graphic.
1t is scientifically estimated that if all
the champion" roller skaters in Ameri
ca should stand up in a row, there
wouldn't be people enough left to count
them .-ISnDnEDHb NelrS
Now the faithful funny writer
'Mong the dust of ages pokes,
For the summers work preparing
Resurrecting base ball jokes.
st Paul Herald.
When the man told his landlady she
fed him wooden biscuits, she didn't get
mad, oh, no. she smiled and
told him board was so cheap that-but
the story is too sad to conclude
chant 11uteler.
A New York circus is advertising fo.-
the second year sacred white elephant.
An animal that can keep the company
of circus men for year and remain sa-
cred must certainly be curiosity worth
crawling under the tent to see.-States-
man.
q And he was very tall;
He went into the skating rink
And got a heavy fall.
And when he found himself laughed at,
With all his might and main
lie quickly sHrang upon his feet
And fell right down again.
-NorriStolVn Herald.
The other day Newark physician,
who suspected that some one was peep
ing through the keyhole of his Office
door, investigated with syringe full of
pepper sauce He found his wife, half
an hour afterward, with bandage over
her left optic. She told him that she
had been cutting wood and chip had
hit her in the eye Co&rier Journal.
There are so, 900 skating rinks in this
country. On an average there are six
falls a day in each rink, this makes
total of 500, 900 falls day throughout
the country, or 1, 800, 900 falls week.
In the face of this showing the fall of
Adam dwindles into insignificance. But
the true American is by no means dis
MAYED by these statistics. On the con-
trary, he exclaims: Oh, my country, with
all thy falls love thee still.-BoStoa
| Courier.
A BOARDING HOUSE ANGEL.
| Tall and slender
| And dressed in blue,
A fairer creature
never knew.
Her golden tresses
! A ustre shed,
And, like an aureola,
! Crown her head.
That sweet soft light in
| Her azure eyes
She must have brought from
Her native skies.
| She's an angel surely,
! But it makes me sigh
To see her eating
Such chunks of pie,
| Boston Courier.