Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-04-10
CHRONIC LAssITupE.

6ome Startling Examples of an Infirmity
Common to Mankind, and Not Unknown
Among Women.
The headline to which this article is
attached is the scientific name for con-
firmed laziness. When a mar gets up
from his bed in the morning, barely in
time to comb his hair before supper, he
has symptoms of it. If something is
not done for him he will probably
starve to death some time with a good
dinner within ear-shot. There are
only two things a man suffering from
this dread malady would not have
somebodye else do for him in preference
&c doing them himself. They are eat
ing and sleeping.
I once knew a man who was afflicted
with more lassitude than it would take
to stop a saw-mtll. On one occasion
he was in a hotel that burned down.
He slept on the first floor, because he
was too lazy to go upstairs, and when
the alarm was sounded he got in the
elevator and went up to the top of the
house and dropped out of a window
because he was too lazy to walk out of
his room. below, through a hallway
ninety feet long. He was hurt pretty
badly, but he was too lazy to suffer,
and died because the doctors told him
it would require great effort to induce
him to owe
ton. It has been known for a long
time that Nine. Necessity is the mother
of invention but its paternal ances-
try was involved in doubt until a man
was found trying to get up a machine
to do his breathing for him.
/ once knew a woman who was too
lazy to look at anything, but her eyes
were constantly wearied with things
going on around her, and now she
wears leather spectacles to rest them.
/ knew another man who sat up four
months because he was too lazy to
lie down, and his wife was nc better, |
for she stuffed her ear, with plaster of
paris to keep from hearing her baby |
cry, which in its turn, having once be- |
gun weeping, was too weary to stop.
A friend of mine once told me a
story of a man who gas SO afflicted
with this fearful malaay that it took
nearly nineteen years to- die. He lay
weary on his deathbed, but could
not muster up sufficient energy to
draw his last breath, ard my friend
says he believes the old fellow would be
lying there trying vainly to shuttle Oft
this mortal coil until this day if q
cyclone had not blown the lGouse down
on him and killed aim.
I have had attacks of lassisude, my
self. / have cen the time when [ was
too weary to hear an invitation to as
gay father in saving wood. al
though he was less than six feet away
from me when the courtesy was x
tendeG. / have lain in bed VIXEN tho
buckwheat cakes were suffering on
the griadle and the pork steak playing 7
a merry accompaniment on the skillet,
and listened unmoved to the assur.
ances Of my mother that it was time to
arise, but l have never been ill unto
death with it.. [ have never wished
somebody else would kiss my beatfgirl
81 eat my maple sugar and watfles., 1t
81 proper to draw a line somewhere, |
| draw it at ripe led lips, and
wat1es and molasses. When these
remedies are applied, Z at once break
into a perfect ferment of activity, and
there is no, other 1nan on earth who
has SO gentle a situation that I would
willing to swap jobs with him.
There may be. men In the world who
are old and shrivelee1 bachelors as q re-
suit of chronic lassi5ute, but WREN it
'ones to marrying pretty young lady
hugging the hired girl behinGl the,
kitchen door; there Is not a lazy Some
n my body, and l challenge the world
20 show more actrs'e and energetic;
work than Z can do under like circ;m.
stances, every contestant to furnish his
own girl and a sample copy of the
Marquis of*Queens5ury Rules,'' not
necessarily Cor publication. but Us. a
guaranty OF good iaiah>-Bzoonmsgaon
zhreug1M aiI.