New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-01-07
WIT AND HUNIOR.

SATISFACTORY W DOCn parCleS.
WIT AND HUMOR.
A Pennsylvania woman has been sent
to prison for horse stealing. This comes
from opening the professions to wo-
men.
''We must draw the line somewhere"
remarked the washerwoman Monday
morning, ''and guess the yard is the
best place.
Yale College students smoke between
1000 and 5000 cigarettes day. Tell
you it pays the business men of this
country to support the educational in
situations.
1t is said that the grasshoppcr has
proportionally 120 times the kicking
power ola man. Nature evidently did
not intend to have grasshoppers sleep
two abed.
In anger flew her agile jaws, and
swear words darted from her tongue;
the maid was fighting mad because she
couldn't make her bangs stay bung.-
Semi Weekly Detachable.
''Hallo!" shouted one bow to another.
whom he saw running wildly down the
street. Halo! are you training for a
race?' ''No," called back the tlying
boy. I'm racing for train
An Englishman claims to have dis
covered an animal with four eyes. This
shows what poor whisky they have on
the island. If it had been in America
the animal would have not less than IS
eyes.
'Oh, DEAR yawned boy after he
had returned from church, 81 don't
wonder the world is so full of wicked
ness" "Why sop asked his astonish-
ed mother. "'Cause God picked out
such tedious day for Sunday"
s-s-soldiers?' asked young West
Point cadetof a young miss with whom
he was waltzing. He was short of
7, breath and growing dizzy. III DIDN'T
k-know," she replied. Ill n-never
s-saw any"
A young lady who was too sick to
wash the supper dishes recovered suffi-
GENTLY fifteen minutes after her mother
( had performed the job to play croquet
and "slt up with young man until
! midnight. What delicate creatures
American girls are, anyhow.
A French woman took on dreadful
ly at the funeral of her husband.
"Why, madame" said her maid, "you
hated him so while living do not see
why you should be so demonstrative
now that he is dead' "Why, Lizette.
don't hate him half so much now as
! 1 did,
The Emperor of Morocco, having
subscribed for a newspaper, reads all
the advertisements first. They tried to
get him to read the editorial page first,
but he remarked that he had been
monarch too long not to know what
was interesting reading.-LoutsviNe
C0urier-Journa1
"Ma," whispered Pinder Fitzgoober,
after the funeral of friend, ''do you
know where he went?'' ''Hush, child"
cautioned the mother, who saw that the
question had been overheard, "of course
l don't, and no one else does.'' II do"
yelled the boy, brightly, she went to
the cemetery
Mrs: Blank-"Is your barber musi-
Clamp Mr.. Blank ''Not that l know
of Mrs. Blank-''Then why does he
call himself professor if he is not a
violinist or something's" Mr. Blank
20, that is because he fiddles
around a customers face in violent
manner with a viol razor!'' PAiladel-
phia call.
This reminds us of a bull seriously
perpetrated by former citizen of Tex
arkana. He approached knot of gen.
tlemen who We're his personal friends,
and said; 'sLook here. bows, I'm
candidate for City Marshal, but don't
say anything about it, for if the thing
gets out they'll beat me" 1erarkana
lTer.) Nee0s.
Visiting Briton-'sY a-as, Wosalind:
but your politicians lot of
blawsted cads, y knaw. You are-aw
wuld by setof vicious wascals whom
you wouldn't dweam of--aw-inviting
to your house." True, but
in Eng gland you are governed by per- i
sons who wouldn't dream of inviting
you to theirs
when grow up I shall marry
rich man, or I won't marry anybody!'
a little girl was heard to say. sBut il
you don't marry anybody" said her
father smiling, ''you will be sure to ,
live with poor man all your life.'' In
stantly the little maiden answered,
.'Oh, but, papa, Iloye you, and so you
don E seem nOOrau
efou may talk as much as YOU
please" remarked the irascible man;
but let me tell you that I consider
your arguments as we'll as yourself be-
meath my notice. ! don't give you 50
much as a thought. /" .I hope not,
was the response; q wouldn't have
you bankrupt yourself on my account.'
.Boston Transcript.
Scene India. Officer Inspecting
ranks; sergeant major following. q.
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