Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1885-05-06
PLEASANTRIES.

Two girls met three other girls yes
terday and all kissed. How many
kisses We're exchanged ?"-Boston
Globe.
ArAM was the only man who could
get of a joke without ga'oot say
ing he had heard it before.-Old Zin1-
merhackle.
S. S. TEAcHER-Why did the children
of Israel sprinkle blood on the door
posts? Pupil-Please, nam, they
wanted to paint the townred.-Lie.
seeing any 1Mfy6ff6 81 is p paTtsfioners drow
sy paused awhile, and then said: II
come now to the third head OF my dis
course, to which ask the serious and
candid attention of all who are not
asleep"
BETsEY, an old colored cook, was
incoming around the kitchen one day.
when her mistress asked her ii she was
i'll. mo, ma'am, not 'zactly," said
Betsey, "But de fac is, don't feel
ambition 'nough to get outer my own
way."-Harper's Bazaar.
"HELLo, Brown Rather chilly wealth
er for camping out on the front steps!
Can't you find your night key?' Eyes
(hic), ole fel'-nitsh keysall ritsh. Had
new (hic) lock put on door (hic) yesh-
day. Fellah must ben drunksh.
Screwed knob (hic) on key hole. ."-De-
troit Journal.
'THERE was an unfortunate thing
connected with my marriage" said
Mullethead. "You see, we eloped, and
the rope was thin and had to reach
from a three-story window" "And
it broker" questioned q breathless list
ener. "No, the blamed thing heidi
Binghamton Republican.
TWELVE months before marriage:
He-How coyly the rose and lily nestle
on thy cheeks, Laura! Twelve months
after marriage: She-Say, have got
too much rouge on my cheeks? He
How'n thunder do know? Go look
in your glass. Don't bother me when
Pm reading g!-Pittsburg Ghronicle-Tel
egraph.
AT q church entertainment in Au-
gusta, the other evening, they had a
mock school. One of the questions
was "What are the seven wonders OF
the world?" A was asked to name
one of them, B another, and so on.
One of the class gave as the seventh
wonder, "Who will get the Augusta
post office ?"-Lewiston (Me.) Jour-
| nal.
"No," remarked the parson, II
don't believe in any OF your pagan
practices. III have no censor in this
Westinghouse. The sexton, who had
just returned from an unprOductive
tour of the pews, tapped the empty
contribution box significantly, as he
said, in commentator of the pastors
words, "Not q cent, SIR"
THE following from Boston paper
is so clear that no one will dispute it;
The morphocratism of the crystal
crystallocratism) is homogeneous
and molecular, that of the organic
form heterogeneous and molar, in
character. The continuity of the life
of the organism is due to the molar.
that of the organic form to the mole
cular, coninertia of it's dynamic plex-
| US.
II WISH totlook at some of your
dress goods" she said, with q pretty
simper. "For yourself, miss?' "Cer-
tainly." "Here are number of pat
terms that are very popular at pres
ent." "Are they the latest shades?"
'"rhe very latest" "Are they worn
by the best society" "Almost exclu-
sively, miss" "Do you think the COL
ors would suit me?" "Admirably. |
will warrant them fast. ."-Dctroit
Post.
A coUpLEof little girls requested per-
mission to attend St. Pnul's Church,
Boston, and their rmother havinggiven
her consent was surprised to find her
daughters at home soon after the serv-
ices began. "Why, girls" she ex-
claimed, "what brought you home so
early ?" "Why, mother, it is all over
we went to church and St. Paul
came in his night robes and knelt down
to say his prayers before going to bed,
| and 80 we came home.'
"YoU are doing nicely" said the
doctor encouragingly to an old darky
patient: II will call again tomorrow,
and will leave you this prescription now
to save you from pain in the einterim."
Then we went out. 'Da's er 'scription
dat de doctah lef'," said the patient
feebly to his wife, "an' l wants yo'
ter go to de- drug sto' an git it filled.
Tell de drug sto' man dat it's TO- my
interim, an be sho' an ak him ef 1se to
take it eternally, or jess rub it on the
outside, an ef so wha'. '."-New York
Times.
| MRS. FARMER JOHN: "Oh, am 80
sick and tired of this humdrum exis-
tence. wish / had been born in Italy
instead of in this practical workday
country" Travelled guest: "And why
| in Italy, Mrs. John?" "Oh, don't
know; only Italy is the home OF art,
you know. suppose even the coun-
trywomen there all allhaveopportunitles
to crafty their artistic instincts. They
sing, or paint, or draw, don't they"
II have seen a good many of them
drawing" "How nice! What do they
draw principally?" "Plow."
NECESSITY being the mother ofinven-
ton, family of theatrical barn.
stormers, who had been playing in a
Georgia town, hit upon new device
for escaping their board bill. One
morning the whole town was stirred
to it's very center by the news that
one of the members of the company
was missing. Parties, including the
father and sister of the stolen girl,
started in hot pursuit, and the i'm
pecunious actors forgot to return.
1 Then it was discovered that in their
haste they had forgotten also to pay
their bills. This turned the grief OF
the townspeople into astonishment,
which was changed to wrath when 1t
was learned that the family was hap
Oily reunited in a neighboring state
New York Tribune.
The oddities of genius are personified
in Ernest Perabeau, the Boston pia-
mist. He has theory that g. pianist's
ability, to produce a certain powerful
tone is in proportion to the strength
of his biceps. In short, that method, :,
in this respect, is merely matter OF