The Rugby gazette and east Tennessee news. (Rugby, Morgan Co., Tenn.) 1884-188?, 1885-10-17
LIME KILN CLUB.

The Evil Effects of Theories Upon Every
Day Affairs Practically illustrated by
Brother Gardner.
"Am Kurnel Paradox johnson in de
hall dis eavenin'P" blandly inquired
Brother GardssP, as the regular weekly
meeting opened on the forty-seventh
degree, in due AND regular shape.
The "Kurnel' arose. He was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
that Canada thistles could be cultivated
to bear mustard plasters and his
countenance now betrayed the fact that
he expected to be patted en- the back
and ordered to take the stool of honor,
under the Bear Traps.
"Kurnel johnson will please step dis
way" continued the President, and the
Kurnel advanced to the front. bestow-
ing look of three-ply contempt on
Hon. Erastus Furlong, as he passed
him.
"Brudder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, as the victim stood before him
with folded arms, 81 want to spoke to
you in de plainest English language
rarn dat you hev' invented a the
ory?'
Eyes, sah."
ut has bin a long time workin' up to
climax. hasnt it?"
"Bout var, sah.'
81 thought so. 1t was bout var
ago dat l noticed you quit work, an
began to sot around on de curbstone.
You didn't cotch on to dis theory widout
a hard struggle, did youP"
mo, sab. 1t jist almoas' upset my
mind"
81 thought So | remember when
you gin up de curbstone fur saloon So
ciety. Later on you began to play
craps an policy. Towards de last
agony of your struggle you begun to
shake dice an buy lottery tickets on de
money your wife ARMED at the wash
tub. Inventin' theory am powerful
hard work, Brudder Johnson"
Eyes, sah,"
''It am so hard dat your wife an
chill en- am now beggin' fur bread an
ole clothes, while you am in debt &c
everybody who'd trust you, and your
landlord am gwine to frow you out O
de house."
IL is sorry, sab, but I couldn't
help it."
'.Brudder Johnson" said the Presi.
dent, in a voice which made Elder
Toots shiver like faded burdock in a
winters gale, 81 want to say to you an
to all other members of dis club freu
you, dat no cull'd man in America has
any bizness wild "a theory-an origina
theory If white folks has got time
huff an money huff to loaf around
and diskiver-in der own minds-dat
de moon am full of jackasses which
gallop up and down, or dat the Mort
star contains race of people who walk
on DER heads an feed demselves wild
der toes, OATS all right. De problem
wild de Gull man am, fust, bread an
butter; second, house rent and rament
third, SIGH eddicashun as will enable
him and his N to write an receive let
tiers; keep posted on current events
fgger up how much weeks wages
comes to at q dollar day; realize dat
de Atlantic am upon one side of us an
de Pacific de odder, an hev de sense te
90 to de polls and vote for honest, de.
cent candidates. shant fine you, an
l doan't want to expel you, but you
will retire to de ante-room with Give
adam Jones fur de space Of ten minits
If you hold to any particular theory
arter he gets freu wild you it will b.
sunthin' you am perfeckly welcome to-
When the "Kurnel' returned to the
hall after the proceedings" he was ;
changed man. One coat tail was en-
tirely missing, the other badly battered
and his general appearance was that OF
man who had met the tail end of cy
clone in a country where there wa
nothing to hang to.-Detroit Free Press