The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-11-07
The Paragraph Fiend.

triplets. ,,od1,s
A licensed lick 'er-Thrashing medu'e
some mOtherin-law.
Loves warning cry-"Doh'' '"oA' wv
hurt nv vaccination
When summer beauty fades and dies
The price Of coal begins to RISE
The report that Chicago girls use o1 ,,'
,onips 10 hutton their boots with probabl!
originated In st. Louis.
"Called Back" Is the headline pun owe
On account of the detention at Hartford o.
cashier on his way to Canada
This morning Ferdinand Ward begins
work ON government contract that IL SOME
thing more than imaginary-N' ~ ""'
The late Josh Billings admitted that h'
rover succeeded as a writer until he resort
Cd 10 bad grammar and spelling. 1t Is saiG
John A Logan has taken the hint ana VII
have the great history he Is engaged upon
printed exactly as he writes It,
Every man is fond of striking the nan OF
the head but when il happens 10 DE M
finger nail, his enthusiasm becomes VIII
and incoherent
"Ah. me-" cried the maiden in dismay'
As she dropp'd the pen from her hnser'
81 cannot write to my love today TAPER
For haven't sheet OF scarlet paper
The Maharajah DhuleepSingh Is Said 70
own 1900 acres of land In England lie
is going to split his name into pickets ana
fence in his land.
A newly arrived lrishman, begging EN-
ployment, was asked why he lett Ireland ;
His quick response was: sure, an couiu
MT bring 1t along wild me-
Now let us hear no more about this SUI
periorty of English cheese. Isn't 1t con,
clusively proven that American "skippers
are the best . Yonkers Statesman
1t is now asserted that hairpins cause
neuralgic headaches. Gracious! Must the
bairpin 20? What would woman 90
without hairpins ?Dnsrdh Bre'ze'
It was quickly ended Said Thomson to
Smith II hear Jones called you ilar ias'
night" "He did" well, hope the mat
ter didn't end there at did though: some
of Jones's friends grabbed hold OF him J
A Chinaman has just published "A book
in which he says: "Woman does not re
ouire study to make herself perfect-she Is
born perfect. The Chinaman can stay
PWsbug CArouic'e7s'egraph
The line that follows W. Shakespeare wrote
"Hel hath no fury like a woman scorned'"
Another truth it might be well to note
Earth has no IDIOT like "A man that 5 corned.
Boston Courier.
as land high in Vermont =" asked spe-
culat0r of an old Green Mountain farmer.
you just bet it is" was the reply. "lt the
trees wasn't so stunted the clouds couldn
get by at all.
Ananxious inquirer asks where would
YOU advise me to go to learn how to play
the piano?" To the woods, dear-to the
deep, dark, damp, dank, dangerous, solita
~ woods.
Looking at your drawings imbues me
with an artistic fever" remarked Smithe to
Miss Lulu at ought to, its sketching
ly quietreplied Lulu,-BroohiH' Ttmes
''What are party lines, papa
His answer did not wait;
"They re lines to fish for voters, child,
With tafy for n bait
The Indians of New Mexico are said to
be doing IA thriving business in manufactu.
ring ancient" pottery, which they sell to
creduous tourists as relics from the pre-
historic mounds.
Miss Boston TO base ball pitcher)-l was
present At the game this afternoon, Mr.
Homerun, and admired your pitching so
much. Your curves remind me OF Ho-
garths line Of beauty Pitcher college
club)-Indeed What nine does Hogarth
pitch for?
A flea may bite king,
A gnat may tease lion;
An ant may spoil a custard pie.
And hornet stampede Zion.
WHAT ADAM HAD on
,Don't you think" said Mrs keener,
"that when Adam realized the vastneSs OF
the world into which he had been usnered
he must have had a great deal on his
mind ~
"Well," responded Mrs. Blunt, "frcm the
photographs have seen of him | should
saw that whatever he did have on must
have been on his mind l'oHkerS GU.
HIS MOTHER SAID SHE WAS SICK.
Stern Father Look here, young man,
your teacher tells me you excused yourself
from school by telling her that your moth.
er was sick. What do mean by lying TO
your teacher, SIR"
~ didn't lie"
eyes, y0u did Your mother isn't sick,
and you know it,
"She said she was sick
when
Last night She said she was sick of
having you come home at two O'clock in
the morning with your cuffs on your an
kles. '-CHtcago Tribune.
LIES UPS ANp DOWNS.
In life we meet with joy and woe,
Where'er on earth we 90,
A mixture Of the good and bad
Fate wills it shall be So
Just in the flush of our success
Reverses kill our joy
Yet few of us have the ups and downs
OF the elevator boy.
SIC TRANSIT.
In rustling showers they are falling DOWN
The purple and the crimson, gold and brown,
Thick on the ground they lie;
And the lover of beauty beholds with ifrief
The fuuering fall Of the tinted leaf
And the glory Of autumn die.
But the true philosopher little grieves
As he watches the fall of the tinted leaves,
And tho Ealis grnw brown and spre,