The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-10-02
Wit AND MUAOR.

Wit AND MUAOR.
At q reception young lady acci-
dentally set her back hair on fire.
When ext ngu' shed she said she was
glad it wasn't her ST.
A colored minister holding forth
from tho text. ''How old art thou?' sad,
in his opening. "Brcthrrn. th ) am Il
quest on that must be answered in tho
affirmative"
A correspondent writes to ask us
what q holocaust is The principal
use of this word is to make an tim
about the burning Of 4 stable read
sorter high toned.
A little girl. aged 3, asked her father
for more candy. but was told to wait
until to morrow. Looking out of tho
window for few moments, she sli-
denly called out: Pa, it locks like to,
morrow now."
Freddie. did you 60 to school to-
day?" "Yes'm:" Did you learn
anything new?" "Yes'm." What
was it, my boy." II got on to Il sur.
way OF gcttn' OFT for an hour ~
snulling red ink up my nose"
The policemen of Goshen, N. V,
have been furnished with rawhidn
whips to be carried dur ng the dav.
time instead of locust clubs Owing
to the ease and safety with which they
can lie welded it is said they inspir.
more terror among cvildoars than tho
clubs.
There is a tlourishing school at Fleet.
wood, Ga. The teacher is w. A. Roy-
ers, the tax collector. A remarkable
thing is that in a school of SEVENTY -oao
pupils each and every ono is related to
the teacher and TO each other. Onl,
one of the scholars is over IL years of
age
Edward Ball, known IN the west AZ
the cowboy preacher. is Il Young man
of intelligence, has finely shaped
head. and is said so be Very sincere in
his belief. He works for mone,-. and
then spends every dollar in travelling
and preaching and for religious li,cra-
ture to give away. In h S preaching
he is somewhat after the Sam Jones
order.
An unknown man was prcstrated by
heat in the woods at Pit,sfora, N. Y.
When found he could only ind cate
that he had been W thout food or water
for two days, The local reporter adds:
"A man, who shall for the present be
nameless, refused to givc.thc sufferer
a drink of water without fifty cents in
payment. The money was paid, and
the poor wretch got the water"
The first remains of man ever
found in fossil condition were recent
" discovered near the CITY of Mex co.
The SC entists find it impossible to
name the geological age of The remains
and it is not likely those who wish To
amplify the antiquity of the human
race will be gratited. The eases of
the skull of Calaveras.. ..and the bones
found ut Natchez forbid any positive
assumption rs to the recent discovery.
Girl will look at your hammocks,
please.
Ecalcr-Yes. miss. Now, there is
something nice. Not expensive. but
at the same tine pretty AMI st ong.
Girl--lt doesn't look very strong.
Dealer-l will guarantee it to sus-
tain weight of 800 pounds, miss.
Girl-Let mo see; l2O and 165 would
be Just 2S5-very we'll. will take
that one.
A little boy was told at Sunday
school that when he died he would
leave his body here. After he returned
homo he was much troubled with re.
gard to it and questioned his parents.
His mother expla ned by saying You
will take all the good with YOU, but
will leave all that is naughty here be-
low" He thought q moment. and
looking up said: well, guess Ill
be awfully thin when get there"
A young man who believes in self.
improvement having recently married.
suggested to his fe that they should
argue some questions frankly and fully
every morning. in order to learn more
of each other. The first quest on hap
pened to be whether a woman could
re expected to get along without q
hat and he took the affirmative, and
when he was last seen he had climbed
up into a hay-loft and was pulling tho
ladder after him.
Woman's influence: ''Do l believe in
womans iniluencc?' said man ON
Twenty-sccond street last Friday.
'Well, you see that young fellow
rundlng baby-carriage along the
street with look of angelic res isna.
ton on his face an inch and half
thick? l knew that fellow when he
would swell around town as big us
circus advancc-agent and order beer
for the whole crowd. He don't do it
any more"
Agricultural labor in the southern
states has deprecated less in the last
twenty years than in any other part
of the country east of the Rocky noun
tains. This is equivalent to saying that
the purshas ng power of southern labor
has increased more than that of other
sect ons, having declined relatively less
than property. The average rate of
pay per month in 1866, without board
was $l6. and in 1885 $l4.27, a differ
ence of IL per cent. In the eastern
states there was decline in that ne
rod of 81 per cent, in the middle
states about % per cent, and in the
western states "a Oer cent.