Connecticut western news., 1885-06-03
WIT AND WISDOM.


 nous, if he had not become known.
 A NORFOLK man says there Is more enthusiasm to get rid of Q minister than to get a new one.
 A SAFE robbery, we take it, is one wherein the burglar manages to reach Canada before the detectives reach him.
 TIE man who intends to camp out next month should begin to prepare for it by sleeping in the back yard and eat ing raw meats.
 A CINCINNATI man is reported to have robbed summer hotel head waiter of S5l0. It is seldom that we hear of such a marked case of retributive justice.
 IT is said that factory in California makes 250,o00 gross of matches in year. This makes the Chicago divorce judges feel rather discouraged at tmee.
 TIE bean has found a new enemy in the bean weevil. Hitherto the worst enemy of the beans has been the cook who has mashed them into paste Ike potatoes.
 "No POLITICAL institution will alter the nature of ignorance, or hinder it from producing vice and misery. Lot ! ignorance start how it will, it must run the same round of low appetites, poverty, slavery, and superstition
 THERE are some whose minds have no guest chamber. They regard hospitality as a sin. They have taken in set of ! opinions-truths, they call them; truths they may or may not be-and they have no room for anything more.
 TIE Major (to nephew, who wants taking down bit, he thinks)-"What ] you here, Percy Amt you rather young to be going to balls2" Percy "what, and you here, too, uncle Why, I should have thought you'd given up this kind of thing long ago Y Punch.
 BEYOND a certain point, and that . very low one, man cannot advance in the invention of beauty without directly initiating natural form. On the shapes which are familiar in the world to the eyes of men God has stamped those characters of beauty which He has made it mans nature to love.
 "How DID you get that awful coldS" ''I suspect got it sitting by the vim dow" "You should be careful about sitting by an open window at this hme of year." "Oh, the window wasn't open. It had just been washed, and it was SO clear and transparent that it seemed just like sitting out of doors. Yes, that was how probably caught cold" PHILOSOPHY,
 Our fondest hopes arc oft destroyed,
 But why in tears bewAn our plight2
 The trouble that ono can't avoid
 A world of grioying won't set right Then do not walk the floor in woo
 BecAuse note is overdue,
 But let the man walk whom you owe
 Hell do enough of il for two.
 -Bosion Courier.
 How IS THAT FOR ErE7-Priost- sTell me, Murphy, how came you by that black eye Were you fighting, ehP" Murphy-"well, indade, l won't decaive yer riverence. Mick o'Flahcrty and myself had little difference; but sure. if yer riverence only seen Mick's eve, now, throth you'd say there was nothin' wrong with mine at An."- Judge.
 Ir is claimed that a-sucoessiul type setting machine has at last been put in operation. This is likely to work com siderable hardship on the careless editor who is in the habit of blaming his , mistakes on the compositor. He can't discharge a S5, 900 machine evory time !, he makes mistake unless he is mill lionaire, and if he were millionaire he wouldn't be m editor.
 WE usedsto go botanizing once, Sayu the editor, and we discovered pretty plant in the course of our botanirtich wanderings. We carefully Snalyzed it and concluded that it was an overgrown ' specimen of saxifrage. But when our ' hands swelled up SO big that we 1 souldn't wash them without using a tub, we concluded that we musthaye made . . mistake in the number of stamens and , that it was mercury and not saxifragc OLD residents of Turner. Mo., say that Solon Chase is a chip of the old block. His father, for many years known as "the Squire, was famed for ,, his sharp sayings. Jesse Drew, of Fort Fairfield, used to live in Turner, and was an opponent of tho Squire in town politics. He says that calling upon Solons father one day just before town meeting to talk over matters, the Squire saluted him as follows; "Drew, Hit . down and lie awhile i''
 NEARLY everybody knows that Sir Boyle Roche, the eccentric member oi ' the Irish House of Commons, on one
 notable occasion, when a coercion col was introduced, "smelled A rat, saw fl floating in the air, but nipped it in the bud" Later another member, Mir.
 Corry, who voted for the Legislative i union with England, was howlod at by ? ten thousand angry citiEera in College !, Green. He drew a revolver; "0leai T the way" said he, Cor I'll kill cvcry mothers sowl O ye." Last week in th, e House of Commons Mir. Gladstone soughi !, to renew the Crimes Act "Thrcs v quarters of this bill" said a Parnelht. n n member indignantly, Sis bad and ths l, other half is even worsa" ' AThund CT storm at Circus s te uTbe rain at circus the other night,