The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-12

The little god Of love Is an arrow
minded fellow.
WHEN il is written I'D. D." il stands
for Doctor Of Divinity; but when it is
put in this fashion, id, il stands
for something divergently different
Carl Pretxeps Weekly.
A MEXICAN who has money to lend
can get ~ per cent interest. This
looks like usury at first glance, but, as
the borrower is liable to be shot almost
any day as conspirator, the lender
never feels solid.
20, DEAR!" yawned little boy after
he had returned from church, II don't
wonder the world is so full Of wicked
ness" @Why soP" asked his astonished
mother. "'Cause God picked out such
q tedious day for Sunday"
"Do YOU doubt me honor, sir 2" said
Alderman Mulvaney to Alderman
Rorke. bah! ye make me tired" said
Rorke. @Give us something tangible
to hang doubt on" He got it. Null
vaney gave him black eye that was
tangible enough to hang an overcoat
on.-7'eras Sifiimgs.
my dear boy" said the gray haired
old man, placing his hand on the young
attorneys shoulder and looking him
kindly in the eye, don't get discour-
aged; there's always room at the top"
"les,' repked the promising young
lawyer, Il got on to that fact the first
time l stopped at hotel"
DooToR--"You see, WHEY dear, I
hova p,,r11c1 <Ixo,,xh 81
oil; avery crit al case, I can tell you'll"
HIS Wife-"Yes, dear hubby; but then
you are 80 clever in your profession.
All! if had only known you five years
earlier, l feel certain my first husband
my poor Thomas-would have been
saved"
GossIP's ExAGGERATIoN.
There was an old lady in Danbury
Made meal en- the half OF a cranberry,
But the story 1t grew.
And the first thing she knew,
From q half to a few
1t was stated as true
Then a gailOn-Jhen two,
Till old Mrs. Mckew
Told the news a, IL true.
Thata Mis-. BelIew
Ate wonderful stew
OF ton or cranberries in Danbury.
Mrs. BLANK-"You must not mind
baby's being cross, dear. He is cutting
teeth" Mr.. Blank" He is cutting
teeth What an expression" ut is
the commonest kind of an expression.
Isn't it right?" Certainly not, my
love. 1t is incorrect" Nonsense !!
How can it be?" Because baby is not
cutting teeth. If he were he would not
cry" well, what should / say 2"
Teeth are cutting the baby That's
why he howls."
THE RETORT.
Old Birch. who taught the village school,
Welded maid OF homespun habit;
He Was stubborn u mule,
And she as PLAYFUL as RABBIT
Poor Kate had scarce become a wife
Before her husband sought to make her
The pink Of polished country lite,
And pr IN and formal "a Quaker
One day the tutor went abroad,
And simple Katy sadly missed him:
When he returned b hind her lord
She shyly stole and fondly kissed him.
The husbands anger rose, and red
And white his face alternate grew;
LESS freedom, ma'am" Kate sighed. and said,
20. dear. didn't know twas YOU"
--Phiidde phia CdH
WHAT are You going to do with
that?" asked gentleman upon enter
ing his room and finding negro with
his coat. @Dis coat? "Yes, that coat.
wall. amt goin' ter do nothin' wild
dis coat Thought dar wuz suthin'
wrong" @There is something wrong"
You are in the wrong place, and 1 want
you to get out" "Ain't yer gwinter
'ploy me no mop" NO, I am not. Z"
@Dat's whut er man gets fur bein' 50
kereful Hadn't ar been fur me yer
wouldn't er had no Clothes" "How
SOP" "'Case 1 could or stole 'em eff
had er wanted ter; dat's how sO.' Il
believe you did steal my vest. Didn't
do nothin' o. the kim" Il believe you
did steal that gray vest, for it disap-
peared shortly after you came 1T
wuz de black vest, sab. White mans
so reckless wild de truf yer kan put no
coincidence in him" - Arkansatc