davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
His Sight Was Failing.

He had been to high-priced oculist
about two dozen times to have his eyes
operated on. and at his last visit the
oculist remarked confidently:
you're getting along finely, sir, and
you'll be all right in few weeks"
Il hope so, Doctor, but 1 can't see
now as we'll as L could at first"
"Oh, yes, you can. There's marked
improvement"
"But, Doctor, I know better"
"You only think So"
"Oh, no, know"
"How do you know?"
"Why, Doctor, when / first came I
could see quite snug little sum to my
credit in the bank, and I'll be hanged
if can see dollar there now"
The doctor ceased his argument. =
Merchant TraUeler.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
The Phenomenal Man.

The phenomenal man is but one step
in advance of the natural fool. Give
me the average man every time to tie
to, if you please. You know where to
find this sort of a man when you want
him. Often when you want the phe-
nomenal man he isn't there. He is
among the clouds, in the depths of the
ocean, or deep down in the bowels of
the earth. 1 have known some men to
be so phenomenal that they were not
good for anything else.-Yonkers Ga
zpffp
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22


From Stage whispsrs.l
"Bnlyv Emerson has recently made pho
nsmenal success In Australia, and 10 rich
began his career with Joe Sweeney's min
strels In Washington In 1857. Later on he
jumped into prominence IN connection with
Newcomb's minstrels. with whom he visited
Germany. He visited Australia IN 1874, and
on his return to America Joined Havcriy's
minstrclg in San Francisco at $500 week
and expenses. With this troupe he played
before her Majesty the Queen, the Prince OF
Wales, and royalty generally. After this
trip he leased the Standard Theater, San
Francisco, where for three years he did the
largest business ever known TO minstrelsy.
In April last he went to Australia again,
where he has "beaten the record"
Billy IL very handsome fellow, an ex-
celient singer, dances gracefully, and is q
true humorist.
Eyes, sir, i have travelled all over tho
world, have met all sorts OF people, come In
contact with all sorts of customs and had
all sorts or experiences. One must have q
constitution like a locomotive TO stand IL.
ayes, know i seem 70 bear IL like a ma
jor, and do, but 1 tell you candidly that
with the perpetual change OF diet, water,
and climate, II i had not maintained my
vigora with regular use Of Warmers safe
cure, i should have gone under long ago.
George III. Primrose, whose name IL known
In every amusement circle I'm America, IL
even more emphatic. II possible. than .'Biliy"
Emerson, In commentator OF the same arti-
Gle to sporting and travelling men generally,
among whom IL 10 great favorite.
Emerson has grown rich on the boards
and so has Primrose, because they have not
sQuandered the public's "favors"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

sBsing - I'm here now. Mr.. General.
/ guess I'll not trouble you for an es-
cort think I'll try il this side Of the
line for while, IL you have no objec-
tion," said the Johnny.
"Oi no. sir; not in the least, /" replied
the General. ~and If You SO desire we
will allow you q certain sum for your
team, harness, and wagon
Agreed" said Johnny, and the
team was turned over to the Quarter
master, the gray received his check
and skipped North, seeming quite sat
isfied to shake the dust of rebellion
from his feet. At the proper Office he
presented the check and received the
cash which gave him start in Yankee
land. and never again did we hear his
voice crying, @Yeigh, mslle"-Riuer-
side E72feTDTise.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
A dollar n Year.

Doctor" he said as he entered the
veterinary's Office, Il am about to sell a
horse to q grocer, and he wants you to
pass on the animals age"
"How old is hep"
Sixteen"
"How old does the grocer want him
to be?"
Seven"
"Ah-I see. A dollar year for nine
years is nine dollars. What an abstin-
ate fellow the grocer must be- He
might as well have wanted horse nine
years old, and thus save you s2!"-De-
troit Free Press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Weigh Mule.

The Union and Confederate armies
were encamped some little distance
apart, divided by strip of timber.
The weather was inclement, the atmos-
phere chilly, and fuel was necessary to
preserve comfort. 1t was agreed, there
fore, that each army should, unmolest-
ed, cut wood and haul it to camp from
this strip of timber The Yanks and
Johnnies detailed for this duty would
meet in the forest, and selecting O tree.
standing straight as flagstaff, would
make this agreement: Said Yank /:
Johnny, you chop on your side of the
tree and will on mine, and if the tree
falls toward your camp it's yours; and
if toward our camp it's mine"
The bargain was made and the blue
and the gray whacked away. Now, us
Yankees always had an idea that if one
wanted to force tree in any direction,
he could do so to some extent, by cut
ting the kerr q little lower down on the
side which he desired to have the tree
fall. Well, Johnny would strike in,
and Yank, true to his nature, would
cut little lower and, if possible, get
his half done first. The result was
that the tree generally fell toward the
Union camp and the discounted reb
would have to cut another tree all
alone.
After the wood was cut mule teams
were employed to haul it into camp.
The roads were not the smoothest or
best in the world, and sometimes old
logs and small timber lay across the
same. One day the Yanks heard q
terrible connection in front of their
picket line, and presently they saw a
baggage-wagon and mule team APP
proach at fearful speed, bounding
over logs and careening first to one
Johnny gray sat on the nigh mule,
shouting at the top of his voice, "Yeigh,
mulel Weigh, mulel" and constantly
jerking the rein with that quick pull
which the army mule so we'll knew
meant to go ahead. Our men promptly
commanded Halt" Still the mule kept
right on, Johnny shouting "Clear the
way; can't stop; these cussed brutes
are bound for Yanktown," and with q
bound they dashed through our line
and sped away toward camp. Arriving
in camp, with one long, steady pull on
the rein, the Confederate driver shout
ed "Yeigh, mule; whoa!" and the team
stopped. The driver then inquired for
the Generals headquarters, and was
Immediately escorted thereto with his
team and small load of wood.
~Hows came you here?" asked Gen.
NJ, with that mule team and load of
wood"
WELL" said Johnny, II was out in
the TIMBER after wood for our camp
had my load partly on, and there not
being any one close at hand to watch,
the COMPOUNDED mules took it into their
heads to run away from the Confeder-
ate service and join the Union. /
couldn't stop them until they fetched
MP here; and being as I'm here with
the wood / thought would haul it
down for your USE"
aDo You wish to return to your
campv asked the General, "and take
your team with you. II so will detail
an escort to conduct you safely outside
our lines again
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22


The First He'll In an Engine Cab Was : CO..
hell. and Clothes-J4ine Jingied IL.
did you know Capt Ayers ?" said Z
well-known railroad man. well, he
was famous for two things. He was
the conductor on the first through train
ON the Erie from tide water to the
great lakes, and he was the inventor OF
the bell rope by which train men signal
the engineer. He was Familiarity known
as Poppy. Trains on the Erie, when
Capt Ayers was first employed, were
few and far between. Passengers never
thought of buying tickets, but paid
fares on the train. In case passenger
was obstreperous and refused to pay
up, there was no way of stopping the
train to eject him, and so people were
frequently carried from one station to
another without paying anything for it.
Poppy Ayers was running o train
between Piermont and Turner's, which
was the western terminus Of the road
at the time. The engineer of the train
was big burly German, who, like all
engineers In those days, regarded him
self as the master of the train, the con-
ductor being simply machine to take
fares. One day Poppy had been
bothered more than usual on his train
by stubborn passengers, and he got to
thinking how he could establish COM
munication between himself and the
engineer while the train was in motion,
and the idea struck him. When he got
to Turner's he obtained q section Of
clothes-line long enough to reach from
the engine to the rear of the train. He
tied stick of wood to one end of the
rope, and fixed it in the engineers, cab
SO that when he ran the rope back over
the train and pulled on it the stick
would be agitated. Then he explained
to the engineer the idea, and told him
whenever he saw the stick move up
and down he must stop the train, for
there would be some one on the train
who ought to be thrown off. This in
novation was resisted by the engineer
as an infringement on his rights and
the dignity of his Office. 1t was vir-
tually placing the train at the order of
the conductors thing that could not
for q moment be tolerated. So when
the train started he removed the
stick of wood that dangled near his
head, and tied the rope fast. Poppy
Ayres persisted in tying on the rope
and the engineer persisted in ignoring
his authority, until one day Poppy,
after tying the wood to the rope and
hanging it in the cab. turned to the en-
gineer, and, taking him by the throat,
exclaimed:
"Now, you pig-headed idiot, which
will you do: Let that stick alone and
stop the train when pull the rope, or
will you take the d-dest licking you
ever heard tell OFF,
"'The engineer weakened and said
he'd mind the signal, and he did.
Shortly after that Poppy fitted cow
bell in the cab and threw out the stick
of wood. Whenever that cow-bell
sounded the train was brought to a
stand in short order, and some pas
senger knew that he must either come
down with his fare or get hustled out
between stations regardless of circum-
stances. At one stroke Poppy Ayres
subordinated the engineer and in
creased the revenue of the company.
-NelD York Sun.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
The Dog DAYS.

Anciently dog days extended forty
days from Aug. 4. They were so called
by Egyptian astronomers for the reason
that Sirius, the dog star, rose with the
sun during that period, causing extreme
heat and sickness. In England dog
days are from the Sd of July until the
18th of September; in America from
the 25th of July to the 9th of Septem-
har
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Water-Grabbers.

Owing to the system of land piracy,
Nevada has been regularly swindled in
every real-estate transaction in which
her interests were concerned. The man
who bought forty acres of land con-
tiguous to spring, river, or lake had
the actual possession and enjoyment of
perhaps 10000 or 10000 acres ada
cent thereto, without the latter costing
him nickel. The reason is obvious.
SO long as the buyer holds a good title
to the land bordering on q stream he
is monarch of all he can see beyond
and around that stream. The owner of
forty acres upon which exists q spring
thus has free range, or pasturage, OF
several square miles, and the State is
out of pocket by the operation. In
illustration of this evil we can cite one
case out of thousand. In certain
township there are about twenty-five
thousand acres OF land, but only two
springs. At $1.25 an acre this town
ship ought to realize for the State the
sum of $31, $50. But the land pirate
knows that by buying up the land inn
mediately surrounding the spring he
practically becomes the owner of
twenty-five thousand. He therefore
buys the smallest subdivision which
the law permits-that is, forty acres
around each spring. For these two small
tracts he pays 500, and after giving
$40 on account he is allowed twenty
years in which to pay the balance.
That for which he ought to pay $31, $50
he gets for 500. In other words, the
State has been selling these water
grabbers, mainly consisting of rich
and powerful syndicate of cattlemen,
her selected lands at rate less than
half cent an acre. Virginia City
(NeU.) Enterprise.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Don't Lie Abed.

One of the most dangerous habits
people can indulge in is that of lying
in bed. Nine-tenths of all the deaths
occur in bed. Nearly one-half of all
those who are murdered are murdered
in bed. It is while you are in bed that
your house is robbed and your chickens
stolen. It is while you are in bed that
the bugs bite you and the bad dreams
haunt you. Therefore, dear reader,
never go to bed.-Punrsata,oney
Tribune.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Living Monuments.

On the tomb of Sir Christopher Wren,
architect of st. Pauls Cathedral, London,
is the inscription in Latin: If you ask for
his monument look around you. The
thousands and hundreds of thousands of
people whom we see to- day free from rheu-
matism and kindred diseases are living
monuments TO the power of st. Jacobs Oil
the Conqueror of Pain.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
An Early Eviction,

A little Austin boy, whose impecunious
parents are always moving from one
house to another, was asked by the
Sunday school teacher:
"Why did the Israelites move out of
Egypt?'
Because they couldn't pay their
rent, reckon. Terds Strings.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

This widely celebrated institution, located
at Buffalo. N. Y, 10 organized with q full
stan or eighteen experienced and skiliful
most complete organization OF medical and
surgical skill In America for the treatment OF
all chronic diseases, whether requiring medL
cal or surgical means for their cure. Marvel
Gus success has been achieved in the cure OF
all nasal, throat and lung diseases, liver and
kidney diseases, diseases OF tho digestive or
gans, bladder diseases, diseases peculiar to
women, blood taints and skin diseases,
rheumatism. neuralgia, nervous debility,
paralysis. epilepsy (fts), spermatorrhea, i'm
are cured at their home through correspond
ence. The cure OF the worst ruptures, pile
tumors, variocele, hydrocele, and structures
10 guaranteed, with only short residence at
the institution. Send 10 cents In stamps for
the Invalids' Guide Book (l6s pages), which
gives all particulars. Address, Worlds Dis
pensary Medical Association. Bunalo. N. Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

PURE Cod-Liver Oh, made from selected
livers on the sea-shore, by CAswELL, HAZARD
& Co., New York. 1t 10 absolutely pure and
sweet. Patients who have ence taken 1t
market.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

4 have had catarrh in head and nostrils
for ten years SO bad that there were great
sores in my nose, and one place was eaten
through. i got Elys Cream Balm. Two
bottles did the work, but am still using it.
My nose and head are well. Ifeel like another
man.-Chas. s. McMillen, Sibley, jackson
"a No
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

The business man or tourist will find first
class accommodations at the low price of 50
and $3.50 per day at the Gault House, Chica-
go, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This
far-famed hotel is located in the center of the
city, only one block from the Union Depot
Elevator; oil appointments first-class.
HOYT & GATES. Projectors.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

McH1OT1cS Oh C1c w III
Johnny" Send along the facts, boys, and
they viii be put in shape to print. THE
LEDGER is one Of the best papers going
for the soldiers family. Full Of Original
Stories, Humor, Army Incidents, etc.
Every issue is gem. Only $3.50 year.
271 Franklin street, Chicago. Sample
copy two cents.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

From Col. e.. HI. Mackey, 32d
Iowa Infantry: have now been using Ely's
Cream Balm for three months and am ex-
periencing no trouble from Catarrh what
ever. / have been a sufferer for twenty
years.-C. IL. Mackey, Sigourney, Iowa.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

You can prove your pedigree by your
parents, but your good qualities will
be recognized without any such evil
dence.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

Mr.. John Hcws, our neighbor, was
very bad with rheumatism last winter, and
was not able to work or even to get out of his
room. One bottle OF Athlophoros cured him
almost entirely OF the disease. Rev. Samuel
Porter, Crete, Illinois.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

The best and cheape st Car-Starter is sold
by Borden, Selleck & Co., Chicago, Ill. With
il one man can move a loaded car.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Good for Man and Beast, Read This,

Army and Navy Linimont win cure your
rheumatism, neuralgia, or Group I'm less time
than any other Eminent known. For sale
by ailDruggists. See advt next issue.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

matte, equity, debilitated, consumptive, con-
stipated, or I'm anywise out Of sorts, provide
yourself with a half-dozen bottles of DIR.
WALKERS VINEGAR BITTERs; take IL twice
or thrice day, and keep fighting disease un-
I'll you have not an ache or ply steal trouble
Of any kind remaining. The result Is sure.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

wIFE-Do you think JEFF Davis aimed a,
despotic power? Husband (henpecked)-l
think so. He was found dressed in woman
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

Don't hawk, hawk, and blow, blow, dis
gusting everybody, but use DIR. sage's Ca
tarrh Remedy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

YOUNG man, honesty nowadays is
rare, and those who believe in and
practice il are rarer.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

ruin anu DrcHO attenu inc use or
most Catarrh remedies. Liquids and snuffs
are unpleasant as well as dangerous. Ely's
Cream Balm Is safe, pleasant, easily applied
with the finger, and a sure cure. 1t cleanses
the nasal passages and heals the infiamed
membrane, giving relief from the first appli-
cation. so cents at druggists. 60c. by mail.
Ely Bros, Owego, N. Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

oNE swallow does not make a summer"
but sometimes leads TO ''making a night of
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

CHAPPED HANDS, Face, Pimples and rough
Skin, cured by using JUNIPER TAR SOAP, made
by CAswELL, HAZARD & Co., New York.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

1T is hardly probable that there are any
telephones In heaven. And yet every angel
will be recognized by his halo.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

One pair OF boots is saved every year b,
using Lyons Patent Metallic Heel Stineners
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Mernories of the w

A NEW magazine is called the Womdn's
AGE. 1t contains good deal of fiction.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

TIE best cough medicine is Piso's Cure for
Consumption. Sold everywhere. 25c.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22
Men Think

they know all about Mustang Lin
iment. Few do. Not to know is
not to have.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

"GOIden Medical Discovery"
will not cure q person whose lungs are al
most wasted, but IL Is an unfailing remedy
for consumption If taken in time. All drug
gists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-22

The BUYERS GUIDE -
]: !:
issued Sept. and March,
each year. 81 2B6 pages,
81 111z inches, with over
$500 illustrations "a
whole Picture Gallery.
GIVES Wholesale Prices
direct to consumers ON all goods for
personal or family use. Tells how 70
order, and gives exact cost OF every-
thing you use, eat, drink, wear, or
have FUN with. These INVALUABLE
BOOKS contain information CLEANED
from the markets OF tho world. We
Will mail . copy FREE 20 any adj
dress upon receipt OF 10 cts. TO defray
expense OF mailing. Let us hear from
you. Respectfully,
MONTGOMERY WARD 4 CO.
227 & 229 Wabash Avenue, Chicago, III.
Der Nordstern. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1874-1931, 1885-08-05
D''tet Gadb nareaIfd,aagrn!
ell'e Widisaner Sirna absefaBt.
(aus benz ar&efsr v@rrmins Ssrals")

anf ben Intraa Der Sop gitters gpntpcun
IN Hodbelter, q. g., lit an gpuatiu,s s.
sSarner IN Geaoin9, Wib elm @erihtsbefebl
er9an9er, tpelber Inn lie Serfteluna pber
oen Sertallf BON y8 SOP Sit
fers" oerbietet Serielbe laufet:
Der grafbent Der Ssreinisten Staaten BON gmsrita
an eeIattnus D. Warner in 2eabina, Nfih be1en
SWnHleute, Arbetter, Sfrf6ufer unb Iasrtsu. nab
S~ar an 1eoen etn3elnsn ron sisitn:
Sn grrd9rn8 eaf BEN Rittern uuferres .6reisoeri6ts
9pn, Stanies Mattbsrs unS Srn. Senrs y 8rprn
IN Ssssolt, ais court pt ehaneera In tieIem Se,irfe
nnC tur %oentelben. Die 8ldse ,ueeaanaru IN, ba6 Sic.
epaattnus .: Warner, eine Wert,in inter Rem Sa..
men y German 5pp Sitters" in befriaerifter Wadat<
mhng PES Spn Der 8ldserin fdbri;irten unb serfauften
SeP Sttters dnterttgen unb perfaufen, unb bas SIRE
mtentstn faraut %berehnet unb hasu teifimmt it, sas
guelitum sum antante FOLDER und6ter @aare als
Sabrttat Der 8ld8erin au ~perletten
8erbteten mir bis auf peitere @erf ouno ebnen. bonn
9endnnten Spuatinus .. gSarnsr unS aGer unb iseer
pertfrbenannten perfpn BEN GtbrauS Der mprte .Spp
Sttters" tur lepe In 5lafh n sefilie SlifEafstt in her
gSetie, eaB baburd Der @lauben terrpraerufen mere.n
tonnt'. eab felde 5~laifsfett ron Der 8laasrin ana .fsr.
ttst iet, ane terner aud Die Gnfertisuns rem gerfauf
IMP 6ds Setlbtetsn ven ireenb rel1eu gitters pper
5llif8feilen in 5laf6sn nit G]tiaust.es unb in serSsi.
pen Sprnt, tn peihe Ste has @erman Scp gttters bel
antfeaung Der &la8e fabrt3irten unb psrfduften pt.r in
'r8ene pelten dneeren 5ldfhen peer nit iraenh anbe-
rem Gttauettes, pel6e ta,u beftinmt unt ~aeeianet inc,
cen 0iduben ttrpprjurufen, bdf bic BON Str,n YER
taulte Sluffetett pssr Bitter Waarsn Der 8lds.r,n
feten.
8suas
Der I4tbare Ytorri1pn u. 8aite,
Sbsrri6t.r Der Ser. Staaten.
3n Detroit, ben fanfsetnten Suit 1885.
L {. 81 Walter g. Sarfta, Glerf.
Der Nordstern. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1874-1931, 1885-08-05
NerfIa8t Ste s6tpinoler.

sesnn SIR sop Sittsrs bea6tst has Crime Sppfea
9ulgei au1 or meieen Gttfette) ~perldnst unb Der.
@pptbeter serdblplst Sud Gtras, eas lid g. D.
%sSarner's 9erman Sop Sitters" nennt, pfer cine an.
eere Seaet9nuns als 5ppfen titrt. 70 reif eies ,urad
unt netret Zen %Ippttefer rte rine etftise Stlana F;
mp renn er ttr ben Stpff Guer @elb gen pmmsn lar,
10 tlaat IGN wegenS etruges an une ~perfidst itn resen
,prtnfels dut S6deenerfas. mir perbfn Gu6 ar
ietne Serurtbttlun8 f~rei8ebts %belptnsn.
Stete ben bunbesaeri6tliden @erbptsbefetl an 6. D.
SSdrnet, 8edbtn8, Wttt., unb due feline Serf1ufer,
Msenten. IPetteter unb anbere Na4atmsr 33-i