davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
PUNoGNT PARAGRAPHS.

"A Pennsylvania man put some dyn
amite in the kitchen stove to dry the
other day, and neither the stove mol
the dynamite can be found. Some mer
are awful wasteful.-P Philadelphia Call
-O'Leary. the pedestrian, is said &c
have walked $4,000 miles since he left
America, and various star actors and
actresses, not so well known as Dan,
are feeling more hopeful. Citg
Derrick.
If there is anything more dangerous
than the unloaded gun, which always
goes of when it is pointed at anybody,
it is the pleasure boat that can't tip
over 1t is this kind of boat which tips
over every tine.-Boston Transcript.
"A South Carolina woman rode
twenty-five miles through drenching
rain to marry the man she loved.
Seems as though a man would be
rather shy about marrying woman
with so much energy as that. Burling-
ton ~ Free Press.
Enter Mr.. Suave with his son
Tommy. Mr.. Suave-"Ahl how-do,
Mr.. Jones3 Tommy, this is Mr.. Jones;
you've heard me speak of him." "Oh,
yes; that's the man you told mother
was the biggest fraud 10 the city,
Boston Transcript.
"A young married couple from Texas
were doing Niagara Falls. They were
being conducted under the falls by a
guide. "You must take care now. for
if you let your foot slip you will be
lost" Jane, you go on ahead" said
the man from Texas. Teras Sittings.
in Canterbury, England, the other
day, curious brass box was dug up.
Its name and purpose was a mystery
until being opened, there was found in
side three buttons, piece Of tin and a
scrap of paper. Then they knew it was
an ancient contribution box.-Philadel-
phsd Call.
You needn't pretend to look down
on me, SIR" said a tramp to a lawyer.
of whom he was begging. well, it
seems to me you think you are some
body" well. I'm just as good as you
sir. l solicit money Of you, that's all.
So don't see but that we are both in
the same boat-both solicitors. Chi
cago Tribune.
When Daniel Webster sat down one
cold winter morning to write Beautiful
Snow" he little thought how many
writer's would rise up and claim to be
its true and only author. 1t would
have been much better for Daniel had
he been content with the fame his do
tionary had brought him.
Courier-.jOurndl.
Mr. Smith (who has just married
his second)-.'Mr. Featherly, I would
like to present you to my wife. My
dear, Mr.. Featherly." Mr.. Featherly-
PLEASED to meet you, Mrs. Smith.
knew the former Mrs. Smith very well. :"
Mrs. "Indeed?' Mr. Featherly
10, my, yes! She was an admirably
woman in every respect. Her death
was great misfortune to Mr. Smith :"
Halls journal of Health says lin
tense thirst is satiated by wading in
water" Here is an idea theatrical man
ayers should Immediately act upon.
Let them provide pool of water in
their respective houses of amusement
for the benefit of young men whose in
tense thirst drives them out between
the acts. Managers should spare no
expense to cater to the wants of their
patrons. Herald.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
WICKED TO THE LAST.
The objectionable Dying Act of a Pro-
fessional Punster.

The objectionable Dying Act of Pro-
fessional Punster.
He staggered into the police station
one dismal night when the air was full
of snow and cutting sleet. His dirt
begrimmed hand weakly held the pen
as he scrawled upon the page of the
register in crazy characters the name
Shoemaker. No hat confined his sill
vered locks that lay on his furrowed
brow as they had been tossed by the
unfeeling hand of the night wind.
Ragged and torn, his coat chung in
shreds around his shivering form. He
was a sorry sight, but the kindly officer
saw something in>the bloated fac. and
bloodshot eyes upturned to him that
convinced him that the man had seen
better days; and taking one Of the
trembling hands, he led the staggering
form into cell and arranged a COM
Portable bed on the oaken floor upon
which the tired body might rest. The
night wore YEARLY on and when the
morning light drove the gloomy cloud
banks from the sky and brought the
day officers to their duty, they found
the form of the weary traveller stretched
in the dusky cell where he had been
laid the night before.
! He sleeps soundly and we'll let him
rest," they whispered. as they looked in
upon the quiet form and withdrew.
The day was nearly done and yet the
traveller slept. The door of the cell
was opened and the officers called to
him. but no reply came back; they
gently shook him, but he gave no signs
of awaking; they threw back the {. or
that better light might be had, and
then, as they looked down upon the
quiet eyelids and motionless breast,
they knew that the weary wanderer OF
the night would know no waking on
earth. He had laid down to his eternal
sleep. They tenderly lifted him and,
as they did so, crumpled paper and
half-worn pencil fell from his nerveless
fingers. The paper was brought to the
light and unfolded. Upon its dirty sur
face. almost illegibly, were traced the
following lines:
was pretty well Heeled when came
Over the sea, to the land of the freq
To win myself fortune and fame.
A whole SOled fellow was /,
Great on the Tap when l was dry,
So went without suppers,
Ere one twelvemonth had kown BY.
80 slowly pegged on, day by day,
Until waxed weary and gray,
Bnt you can't expect when you deeply
A Shoemaker to Last Away.
--Peck's Sun.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
B e . II st VI Il :

them. and they broke into peals u
laughter. in which Miss Hartwell
joined.
'And so you've been humbugging us
ali this time said Maggie Grey
"Whst a shame, Rose
No, papa's been humbugging me-"
said Rose, wiping her ey0. land the
rest of us children. Manga knew, but
he wouldn't let her tell us. He's so
full of his Jokes you know Dear mel
you ought to have been there. when he
brought Aunt Marion in aud intro
duced her to us i"
ut must have been funny enough"
said Fanny GREY. ''but, must say, | m
rather disappointed We had pictured
nice, jolly. middle-aged aunty. sort
of fairy godmother. Aud how about
that bracelet, you deceitful girl? You
said YOUR aunt gave it to you.
well, so she did my dear great
aunt Ellen. and she's lust the kind.
jolly soul you've been imagining. But
you must love my baby aunty, too for
she's darling"
80 she isl" cried Sophie Green, with
sudden enthusiasm. And. oh. just
look at the dear little thing. almost
ready TO cry! Aunt Marion, I've got
some sngar-plums in my pocket, and
we're real glad TO see You, Did you
really come across the great wide seaP'
"Ess. lisped the little one, smiling
through her tears. Il tuned in bid
boat The girls, quite delighted to
think there wete tDo aunties, crowded
round the child to kiss and pet her.
while she. sociable little creature, met
their advances in the most friendly
manner The ringing of Miss Hart
well bell brought them to order.
Take your seats, young ladies.
Rose, you may place your elderly rela-
tive beside you. and l will give her
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

An English church has been built
on the top of the Eggischorn, in the
Alps. 1900 feet above the sea level.
The colored people of the South
publish eighty newspapers and furnish
sixteen thousand teachers for the
schools.
Senator Anthony bequeathed to
Brown University the only known copy
of the original edition of The New En-
gland Primer"
1t is proposed to raise fund OF
$685. to establish an art gallery and
memorial hall for Dartmouth College.
Boston Journal
Rev. George o. Barnes. the evange-
list. who created so much excitement in
Kentucky and other sections few
Years ago. and who seemed to spurn all
wholesome regulations, being con.
spicuously law unto himself. has now
united with the Church of England,
and is at present in India.
American school-books are no,
desired In Argentine. A New York
firm sent textbooks into the country,
according to contract but neither the
histories nor biographies were accepted
II was found that they represented the
condition of the country as it was
twenty-five years ago aud alluded to il
as The Argentine Confederation. v
The use of that term was a mortal in
suit to the people. since it was decided
by civil war that Argentine is not con
federation OF States. but nation.-N
Y. Tribune.
Af he sak L..
Kneil. at the recent teachers meeting
brought forward as samples of the
spelling returned on the examination
for admission to the high school are a.
follows Physique was spelled psique,
phiseec. phiseke. phiseque. physic
physick, phisque, phizeeke. physlge
fphysiee, physeac physeque and phis
ceac; etiquette etiket, eteeate
and eteceti petifogger-petaphoger
pedafoger and petefoger; vehicle
veacle and vehecal; geyser-gizer aud
gyserre.-Springfeld, (Aass.) Re
publican.
"A confession upon cribbing in col
1eges has revealed dark and devious
ways in education. One man is said te
squeeze through tight place by writ
ing memoranda on bis polished boots
and rubbing chalk into the marks.
Trade dollars. smoothed on one side
and inscribed with memoranda, aid the
cribber. Another method is paper in
the sleeve, kept out of sight by an elias
tic and drawn forward when needed.
Writing on sleeve cuffs has fallen into
disuse. But the happiest invention Of
all is series of pockets all the way
down the trousers-legs, in which may
be slowed away the greater part Of q
textbook. - Chicago Times.
When Jesse Witt was doing his
best work as pioneer in Texas he I'M
dertook to raise large collection, and
after forcibly presenting the merits OF
the case he said; This thing must be
done, and | will give 500 to help to do
it. How much will you give, breth-
renP" A Baptist layman arose and said:
81 will give $500 for myself and | will
also pay Brother Wits 800" 1t was
the seeing of this weather-beaten
pioneer giving 800 which aroused the
layman. To see preacher give is oft
en- means of grace to others; but he
can not give if he is not paid for his
services. Richmond, (gd.J Religious
Herald.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
A Model Wife.

A bank clerk called at the residence
of Colonel Yerger to collect a draft.
He was met at the door by Mrs. Yerger.
''ls the Colonel inP"
HE is in but
'.But whatp"
He is indisposed.'
YES, that's what expected. He is
always indisposed, when l come around
with draft"
II don't wonder tit. 1t was getting
in the way Of draft that gave him
rheumatism. How is he to recover If
he exposed himself to drafts p''
Il don't see how we are to recover
either, if he keeps out of the way Of the
draft. | see he is in painp"
No, his payin' days are over for the
present replied Mrs. Yerger. as she
quietly but firmly d)ossd the door. "
zseos SSttsnas.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
COUNTERFEITS.

How They Are Detected by the Fair EN-
/ pioyes of the Redemption Division.
There is very large amount of coun-
terfeit paper ahoat, and some of it finds
its way to the Treasury, when it is dis
covered in the Redemption Division. 1t
is here that all the money sent in from
outside sources is counted and exam
ined The counting and sorting arc
done by ladies' and they are the most
expert in the country. They can tell
counterfeit instinctively, with eyes open
or shut. and there is not bank cashier
in the United States, or even among the
large contingent now sojourning in
Canada, who could compete with them
in the matter of determining counter
feits. They can tell spurious bill as
far as they can see it, and the mere
handling of the paper is enough for
them to decide upon its genuneness.
The silk paper upon which Treasury
notes are printed can only be made by
expensive machinery, and it is felony
to even manufacture the blank paper
without due authority. Under the cir
cumstances all counterfeits are printed
upon inferior paper, which lends this
great facility in the matter of detection.
A guide was once taking party OF Wis.,
itors through the Redemption Division,
and was expatiating upon the expert
ness of the fair money handlers in this
respect. He solemnly assured the party
that one of the glrls had detected a
counterfeit in the middle of pile OF
money six inches thick, by merely Sec
ing the thin edge of it. This imagin-
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
A DISCOUNTED WIDOW.
Why She Thinks That There's No Foo
Like an Old Fool.


Judge Pennebunker of Austin. is an
irascible old man who boards and lodges
at the hostelrie of the Widow Flapjack.
The widow does everything in her
power to make the old man happy and
contented, although Judge Penne-
bunker is quite wealthy and really does
not need any outside assistance.
The old gentleman used an arm chair
with straight back which the widow
thought was very uncomfortable chair
She determined to make things more
comfortable for him; so on the recent
occasion of his birthday she presented
him with new rocking chair, and
large bouquet.
The old gentleman was very much
pleased with the presents. He told the
widow that rocking chair of that kind
was just what he wanted, that he had
often sighed for it. He also was de-
lighted with the bouquet.
Seating himself in the chair. old PEN
nebunker rocked himself backwards
and forwards theoretically, smelling
the bouquet and smiling ct the widow.
who wore a glorifed expression of
countenance.
This is fun. have never felt so
comfortable in my life" said the old
man.
II knew you would like the chair"
said the widow, ''the more you use il
the better you will like it. You can lean
back and rock yourself SO comfortably
! don't know how I could get along
without rocking chair"
u oifhar ~ eo;I tho I'D I,I~o ....4L
beaming smile as he leaned forward.
still smelling the flowers. Then he
leaned backwards. The chair went back
further than the old man expected, and
he made frantic effort to regain his
equilibrium. which was slipping away.
As he did SO. his feet scared up 80 high
that his slippers fell off and hit him on
the nose. Then the old gentleman s
face assumed an expression similar to
that which is observed on the face of a
man who sits down on tack as a pre-
liminary move to pick it up. He made
another lunge, throwing the bouquet
into the air very much as an obstruction
is removed by the cowcatcher OF a loco
motive
Then he stood on his head and
worked his legs like those of jumping
jack, while the widows eyes hung out
like door knobs. with horror. He did
not linger in that position very long, for
before the widow could rush to his as
sistance be was paving around on all
fours like an infant. but using language
that was not tit for a grown-up boy to
use. The widow fed in dismay as he
seized the chair and chased her time
or two around the room, trying to smite
her with it. The widow Flapiack
darted out the door, followed closely by
the chair, which pursued her all the way
down stairs and almost overlook her
before she reached bottom.
Judge Pennebunker is looking for
new boarding house, and the chair will
have to be repaired before it is fit to be
used as kindling wood to start the fire
with. The bouquet was discovered in
the slop pail. The widow says that
there is no fool like an old fool.-Tera.
SiffJuUS
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
SAM JONES.
An Edftor's Recollection Of the Evan.
gelist's Boyhood Days.


Rev. Sam Jones was a poor boy
raised right here among us, wild. rat
Ting chap that nearly everybody had
ten hard words for to every good one
spoken in his behalf. He was the very
synonym of mischief and audacity,
with modicum of sharp, native wit,
that had grown with his growth in sue
ceeding years. He cared precious little
about his books, as our experience will
testify in short term of pupilage in
our school directly after the surrender.
To his credit we will say he never for
got his respect or obedience to us, and
an earnest request or calm statement Of
the case would cause him to desist from
victimizing the smaller boys with his
tobacco Juice or from playing clown in
the pantomime On the sly during school
hours, which was a neyer-ceasing temp
tation to his keen sense of the ridicu-
lous. His good nature always cropped
out when suffering or trouble was
present.
The writer will never forget visit he
made to our house in the most rafting
period Of his boyhood, to tell us he was
thankful and comforted to know we
were convalescing from serious illness
in which our life was despaired of, and
even at the time mentioned we were
not fairly out Of danger Of an early and
untimely grave. The weather was Sc.
we're, bitter, extremely cold, but the
young man brought his frank, bright
face into the sick-room like veritable
10 fall
school-boys were all so glad we were
still alive. There was in him the germ
OF something noble and elevated, and
when he joined the church, within half
mile of our own door, at little coun-
try chapel. we felt that the germ would
expand into something that would be
peculiarly his own-"he would either
make spoon or spoil a horn How
much spoon" last Sundays crowd can
tell. f
Eight years ago. when he was peg
ging away on poor little circuit, he
came again to see us, to pay his re-
spects to the late Governor Stephens.
We watched the two, as Mr. Stephens
rolled to and fro on the back veranda,
in his invalid chair, listened to Sans
description of dog fight that had
fallen under his observation. There
was magnetism in both that quickly
found play, and after the visitors re-
tired Mr.. Stephens was very eulogistic.
He inquired infinitely into his history,
and predicted future from that rough,
native wit that had evoked hearty
laughter, to the veteran statesm ans
great enjoyment -Cartersvslie (Ga.)
COurGnt
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
BRAZIL.
The Substance of the Emancipation Act
Recently Passed.

The Substance of the Emancipation Act
Recently Passed.
The fear that the Government Slave
bill would again fail of enactment in
the Brazilian Senate and Chamber of
Deputies this year, as it did last, has
proved unfounded. The measure has
been passed by both branches, and thus
law more important perhaps, for the
future of the Empire than any that has
been placed on the statute books during
the last ten years will presumably go
into operation.
The general features of the new
Emancipation act have been made
somewhat familiar by its discussion
during the last twelve months. Pre-
Stunning that it remains substantially as
it reached its final stage, it frees at once
slaves who have already reached or
passed the age of sixty, while all who
may hereafter attain that age thereby
become freemen. 1t requires a new
registry of all slaves. and sets certain
values on them for purposes of emanci-
patton, depending on age. 1t creates a
new fund for purchasing free
doms. chiefly by an extra tax
OF five per cent. on all sources of
taxation except exports, while keeping
up the existing fund derived from
various sources. 1t provides for the
care of aged or sick slaves by their
masters and obliges the freedmen to
work for certain number of years
under certain conditions after emanci-
pation and in the local ty where they
may have been freed. 1t also encourages
immediate emancipation by giving half
the registered value of slaves to the
planter who will exact only five years
additional service in payment OF the
other half. Various provisions relate to
freeing old slaves, providing free labor
at the Governments expense, and so
on. 1t is, in short, a comprehensive
and elaborate measure. which was dis
cussed at last years extraordinary
session, May 20. The voting on it IN
the Chamber of Deputies began early in
July, and the interests involved in it.
financial and agricultural, were so great
that it was at one time feared that il
would go over to another year.
Brazil has done herself honor by this
act. The new registration is expected,
we believe. to show something near
100000 slaves. With the provisions
for the immediate emancipation Of the
aged and other persons the number will
quickly fall below million, and then
will rap dly decrease as advantage is
taken OF the provisions of the new act
The sincerity Of Braz ! in the great work
to which it has devoted itself is pract-
cally attested by the heavy taxes to
which it submits. 1t will be proud
day for the Empire when its task ID
completed. Y. Times.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
For OUR YOUNG FOLKS.
CAUGHT.

TPtce, dainty fnel
Wheh you are caught, i Will make you miner
But I'll you are caught must follow;
And after your tiny, dancing feet,
Apd your say, shy smile so soncy sweet
Up hill aid over hollow,
With call and cry, don't doubt but
Shall fiy-like the swift.winged swallow
Eptoe, dainty fnel
Now you are caught and you arc minel
Ny little lass I've caught herr
she laughs and pouts and hides her face.
She springs away with an agile grace
The darling birds have taught her.
But must not miss my hard-carned kissi
Like thisi-my bonnie daughter,
Oh, ayl Away. away
What can the painting mother sayy
Why-''now she is fast and bold herl
I kiss her blue eyes and sunny hair,
Her dimped arm and her cheek SO fair;
To my loving heart fold her,
And then l swing tho captured thing,
With swingl-swongl-swin to m,
shoulderi"
st Nicholas
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14

Chilli has control Of the Straits Of
Magellan and the country called Pata-
gonna 10 wiped OF the map
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14

A gold dollar is tiny coin, but q
man Of ingenuity and fine fingers at
Waterbury, Conn, has just built rail-
way locomotive so small as to stand
upon the dollars disc. Hartford Cour-
Asst.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14

"A London woman earns living by
filing up worm-holes in old books. each
leaf beng separately and patiently
dealt with, the mater al being chewed
or ''pulped" and pressed into the bole.
The charge is sixpence hole.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14

Black linen thread should be kept
wrapped in paper or away from the
gbt, which rots Il,
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-11-14
NOT A WIDOW.

Divorce Dlssolves the Marriage Contract
and Ends the Marriage Relations.
A wife obtains a divorce from her
husband, and subsequently the hus-
band dies is she his widow, entitled to
a share of his personal estateP This
question has recently been decided in
the negative by the General Term of
the Supreme Court in the Fifth Depart
ment of this State. The court holds
that the decree of divorce dissolves the
marriage contract and ends the mar
rage relation. When the man dies the
woman is not his wife; consequently
she is not his widow after his death.
To the argument that the law was not
intended to deprive an innocent wife
divorced from guilty husband of her
share in his property, the reply is made
that the apparent injustice is remedied
by the alimony allowed her.
This decision applies to personal prop
erty. 1t has been held in this State
that divorce obtained by the wife does
not cut of her right of dover in his
real estate acquired during their mar
ried life. This is regarded as vested
right not annulled by the divorce But
she has no dover in his real estate ac-
quired after the separation. In the law
of this State there is curious excep-
ton to the rule that divorce ends the
married relation. A divorced defendant
is prohibited by statute from marrying
again during a specified period. In
recent case a man after his wife had
obtained divorce from him married
another woman, and the Court of APP
peals held that he was guilty of bigamy.
N Y. Her1Ed.