Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-03-04
PEE4S4NTRTES.

''WHAT shall Ifeed my baby?'' writes
an "Anxious Mother" Before we can
satisfactorily answer this question let
us iquire, Has your baby any teeth?
= Exchange.
SCIENTISTS claim that cigarette
smoking leads to idiocy. The seen
fists are generally correct, but IN thus
instance they seem to have mistaken
effect for cause.
A PERIODICAL devoted to gastrono-
my informs us that "piclSled walnuts
are introduced at dinner now. !"
That's right; it makes them feel more
at home Boston Post.
SUSAN B. ANTHONY sgoingto Europe
again. Let us congratulate Europe.
Miss Anthony is one of those women
whom we are glad to have always
with us-she always has BEEN Hart
ford Post.
FIRST Bostonian-Did you hear how
Mr.. Sullivan is this morning? Second
DETERMINATIONS de combat. L under
stand. First Bostonian-What! An
other runaway? He ought to leave
horses alone n. \. Sun.
The city of Cleveland has figured
and figured, and has finally come to
the sage conclusion: either the con-
tractor can clean the streets or he can
not" We don't see any great chance
for argument there.
A TIGER broke out of his cage in
at DAYTON, O., last week, and ate up
a man who wanted to be postmaster
(Counting-roomp please charge this ad.
on account of g. Cleveland, Albany,
n. W Burlington Free Press.
FROM a French newspaper: A rabbi
is instructing a child of Israel in the
story Of Joseph and Potiphar's wife
He adds; Joseph fled to Potiphar's
house, leaving there his mantle. J"
The innocent boy replied: ''Was 1T a
secondhand clothes shop?"
SUNDAY night-She: "Cholly, which
do you like best in the grate-wood or
coal?" He: "Well, | don't know,
Enmer: either will do me-" She: Il
like wood the best" He: "And why
do YOU like wood the best?" She:
Because, Cholly, It popsn'-l Louis
vile Courier-J Journal.
DR.. HARRISON, of New York, has
married daughter of Brigham Young.
If the doctor, in an unguarded mo-
ment, were to ask his wife to invite
her brothers and sisters to tea some
evening, and the invitation should be
accepted, he would have to hire hall
and employ two or three dozen wait
ers.- NorristoWn Herald.
YOUNG lady lat hotel table)-Do
YOU know that vulgar person at the
adjoining table who is eating with his
knife? Another young lady-Is it
possible YOU don't know Mr.. Smith,
whose uncle has just died and left him
q million dollars? Young lady-No;
is that he? How gracefully hehandles
his knife The Sun.
IN Rome in ancient times the candi-
dates for Office wore white robes, and
could be seen before daybreak on cleo
ton day mingling with the voters pro-
claiming their political principles.
The fact that they wore white robes
would seem to Indicate that the news
papers didn't ''throw mud" in those
days Norristown Herald.
GEORGE" she said one day, 'tyou
think the bread that Mary makes is
extraordinarily nice; but you never
tasted of my bread mo, dear, ]" re
piled George, his voice quivering with
emotion, Z havehad my misfortunes;
have tasted of your pie once; but thus
far Providence has preserved me from
YOUR bread | have suffered, but there
are depths of misery that | know not
OIL Boston Transcript.
A Fox who had never seen aught
but a Society Lion became exceedingly
tremulous when, for the first time, he
saw one that was not an ASS. The
second time he saw one he was still
somewhat anxious as to the Channels
OF escape But when on the third
meeting the Lion addressed him and
inquired how he did, he boldly replied
4 didn't Moral: Familiarity
breeds contempt Puck.
OLD Mrs. Bennington-''Did We find
out how Mrs. Brown is gittin' on? |
heerd she's very sick" Old Mr.. Ben
nington-'EI saw the doctor as he was
driVin' along to day, an he said she
shuffied off a mortal coil last night.
/ s'pose it'll do her good to git rid OF
it Old Mrs. Bennington-'Drat
these new tangled doctors, they can't
talk nothin' but Latin. The poor
soul may be worse. I'll try an git
over there myself this afternoon"
SAM OPPENHEIA1ER OF San Antonio
was one Of the passengers on the San
Saba stage that was robbed few
weeks ago. "Shell out your money,
or off goes the top of your head, - re-
marked one OF the robbers, holding
pistol nnder Sans nose. '.Three
hundred dollars wash every cent |
got, so hellup me schiminy erasmus"
Hand 'em over. Sam did SO, keep
ing back So. "What are YOU keeping
back them So for?" mildly inquired
the robber, pressing his pistol against
Sans head Mine Colt, don't you
let man take out two per cent. ven
he advances money mitout securi-
ties?'' asked Sam Texas Siftings.
"CAN you see the stage perfectly
well?" asked a gentleman at play,
leaning forward to address the young
lady in front. "Why, yes, sir, perfect