The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-07-23
AWFUL NICE PLACES.



The Mysteries, HLIserEes, and Delights os
the Consular ssrvice.
..Funr'' exclaimed the old diplomat.
as he threw himself into an easy-chair
at his coy rooms on K street last night.
.'H you want fun, get the consulship at
Malta. That's one spot where q man
And as for amusements, you Will be
simply crowded to death. Everybody
on the island works and slaves at least
sixteen hours q day. and he is fortunate
indeed who counts his weekly stipend
at $3.50. There never has been thea
ter or circus or 3 secular holiday in
Malta. and the popular amusement Is
confined to fiesta days, when the people
congregate in one place and make
themselves sick on pink candy. In the
evening, when the hot, blistering sun
goes down. you can 60 up to the basin.
where the sea leaves placid pool In
the rocks, and indulge in the gtddy
dissipation of q bath. 0 yes, go to
Malta and get rich. You can live there
In splendor for IS week, but at the
end Of four years you won't know
whether you are q catamaran or q blind
fish. If that don't suit You. try Jeru-
salem. It's q great place for excite
ment, and after q years trial, you
scrape together enough energy to write
four-page report to the state depart
ment I'll eat my head. There is but
one redeeming feature about Jerusalem
plenty of olives. And as for oranges,
there is no place in the world where
they grow so large. Jerusalem Is q
splendid town In which to study the
antique. and q consul always gets rich
Skav- kha flV.aS
consul became covetous and induced
congress to indulge in the extravaganza
of raising his wages to $4,000.
do you like musicp Then get the
commercial agency at Swansea, where
the slate-quarrymen, the miners, and
the day-laborers are all professional
singers. Why, sir, at the last grand
eistedfodd the laurels were carried
away, not by the trained choirs of Lon
don, but by chorus of rough Welsh
quaTTymen. Singh Why, they sing
the roofs off the houses, and every
house on the downs and in the crags
contains nightingale and harmonica.
Down in the Penrhyn quarry the uni
versal occupation of the quarrymen off
work is singing, and the men have ex-
cellent voices. If you don't like mu-
sic, try Welsh laborer on theology.
He is generally a non-conformist, and
the only way l ever found to stop his
religious discourse was to take him
over to the Monmouth district, thereby
evading the Sunday law, and fill him
up with beer. In the Welsh country,
printers on night work get SS.72 a
week. and on day work $7.53; ship
wrights get 50, boiler-makers about the
same, and the whole range of mechani-
cal skill is fashioned on the general
basis of 80 q week. Therefore, go to
Wales. You may not have much
amusement, but you'll get gold mine
Of experience.
''Then there is Dundee, in Scotland.
Everybody drinks in that sin-cursed
town, and it is stated that its popula-
ton of l42, 1851 souls annually expend
$1,000, 900 for spirits and beer. Dundee,
you know, is the birthplace of Hector
Bruce, the historian; Halliburton, who
was the first to openly profess the re-
formed religion in Scotland, and Fer
guson, the poet. But if these worthless
could come back toearth they wouldn't
own Dundee. Tho city to-day has
$3.50 houses of only one room each, in
which there is a population of $500.
and 16. 9S7 houses of two rooms each,
into which are crowded a. 74 men,
women, and children. If to these be
added the three-room houses, with the
people living in them, it shows that
$4,000 of the 1000 inhabitants of
Dundee live in houses of one or three
rooms. Poverty and misery abound,
and yet it is the principal seat of linen
manufacturers, and is an important
center for sugar refining, working GIN
iron, and ship-building. Dundee is the
saddest place to me on earth. Malta is
a Cremornc garden of delights beside
that city. But L must say for the
wealthy citizens of Dundee that they
have spent and are spending, millions
of money in educational, charitable,
and eleemosynary institutions, great
parks, and magnificent churches.
.'Then there is Bordeaux. Now, i
you want to lead a giddy, wild life,
that's Just the place for you. Bordeaux
is one of the most fiourfshing cities in
Europe in point of industry, commerce,
and the cultivation of the arts and
| sciences. That's what the guide-book
says, but, when you sift it right down.
| its principal business is making wines
and brandy, and exporting fruit. II
| contains the immense theater built by
| Louis XVI, seating four thousand peo-
| pie. The poorer classes are gay anC
festive, and die young. Every work
ingman in Bordeaux has a commend
able vanity for fine clothes, generally
deemed incomplete without a pair O
high-heeled boots and q watch chair
and locket of gilt metal. The grea
tobacco mandatory, the gunpowdel
mills, the saltpeter refinery. and tn
shoe factory there are owned by TIT
government, which takes excellent car,
L sAa 70
male labOrers in Bordeaux, and it cal
truthfully be said that majority of tn
unmarried women there are indiscree
and careless of their reputation. Their
are 1000 women actually employed il
the quarries, and 10000 in the opel
fields. 1t is beautiful city, though
and splendid consulship.
eff you want to strike temperate
town, take Fayal, in the Azores. Drunk
J enness is rarity there, and yet win
and spirits are sold everywhere. Th
climate of the Azores is perfectly dc
ightful-rarely below IS degrees, an
never above 80. The Azoreans are pan
ticularly fond of dress, and very Sc
/ ciable, but they are a nation of cigar
ette-smokers, and are rapidly deteriol
ating in physical development Fays
is an interesting little town of thirt
thousand-people, and the principal e1
ports are oranges, wine, and oil.
, you want something romantic and Al
cadian, Fayal is the place for you.
Speaking of temperance towns,
would also commend you to Catanis
Italy, which has a population of on
. hundred thousand, with scarcely
: drink of whisky or brandy in the towr
/ Everybody, high and low, drinks in th
native wines at meals, but nobod
drinks between meals, and drunke
man has not been seen in Catania fl
8 years, except now and then . BIRTHS
q sailor. Oh, there are hundreds (
s places / could tell you about where q
American could make money on
81 500 consulship, but life is too sho
to go through the list. Come up son
evening and I'll give you some of II
g experiences as a consul. - WashingtO
q Republican,.
It Makes g Man Gasp 60 Look.