The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1885-04-18
NEW YORK HOTELS.
Hewa Texas HamOPist Views the
Palatial HOstelides.

l spent whole week in frst-class
New York hotel, and yet 1 am not
proud. The hota was grand, stupen-
dous beyond all description A first
class New York hotel is more like re-
gal palace. dream from the Arabian
Nights, than a mere hash house. l
was -amed by its magnifcenoe, even be-
fore the bill was presented, then / was
paralyzed. The hotel is full of marble
pillars, historical "reminiscences, stained
glass windows. elegant statuary, price
less oil paintings, and other gems of
art, while the furniture is much too
good for q king, but do think that the
proprietor should not compel the guests
/ to furnish their own eamphOr and ln-
sect powder. If you should ever be SO
fortunate as to attempt to sleep night
at a first-elass New York hotel, be sure
and have bottle of campboron hand, as
it is the only thing that will take the
sting out Of the bites. If the guests
were all as hungry as these regular
insect boar9ers, the sheriff would be
running the institution in very short
time.
am very much afraid that / made
an unfavorahle impression on the
hotel clerk, by requesting him to lend
me a lemon sQueeZer with which TO
wreak private vengeance on my tor
mentors.
But everything else in the hotel was
so grand as to riyetth eye permanently
in its socket. Being accustomed to
the simplicity of Texas hotels, my life
in the New York palatial hostelrie was
very much like the realization of the
dream not of the Bohemian. preci ely,
but of the Bohemian Girl'' in the
opera. She dreamt that she dweit in
marble halls, with serfs and vassals at
her call. We did not dwell in the hall,
which was of marble, however, but in
room near the hall, which smelled abom-
inably of escaping gas, or rather, of
that which was trying 70 escape, but
which, somehow or other, always
failed.
We had vassals and serfs at our call,
but nobody ever calls them. They could
not hear if they were called ever SO
loud. When you want a vassal in a
New York hotel. you push button on
the wall, just the same as you do IN
Texas, and the vassal comes. He comes
slowly and reluctantly, however, unless
he is tempered with. Half dollar Is
the usual thing to tamper with. 1t |
seems to me that the menials of the !
north must all be ex-members of some /
legislature. They expect to be paid ex
ira for everything they do. Wonder if |
they can play poker?
The dining-room of New York hotel /
is so large that you feel as if you were |
out on prairie. This illusion
is dispelled,. however, by the walters |
who stand around with their |
arms folded like so many Napoleons at |
st. Helena. 1t is only at distance that |
they look like Napoleons. At close |
range they remind one of clergYmen. /
They wear black clothes and white !
chokers. and there is solemnity about |
the expression of their faces that is sug |
gestive of death and Immortality. Their |
habit of continually passing the plate |
strengthens the impression that you |
have got into an Ecumenical council. |
You hesitate to tell an archbishop to |
fetch on some more buckwheat |
cakes or a second cup OF coffee. can't |
enjoy my food when there is doctor of |
Divinity looking at me so intently that |
| imagine he is thinking up his next |
sermon on the sinfulness of gluttony.
To sum up the case there is any !
amount of grandeur, style, and dignity |
in a frst-class hotel. bat very little solid
comfort. I'd rather camp out" any
.ime.-4ier. E. ,Sceet, an TeTas Siftiags.