The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-01
CRAZY-QUILT ARCHITECTURE.
MIR. William Nye's Opinion of the New and
Fashionable Style of House.


Fashionable StyIe>of House.
Chattanooga Times.
1t may be premature, perhaps, but desire to
suggest to any one who may be contemplating
the erection of a summer residence for me, as
slight testimonial of his high regard for my
sterling worth and symmetrical escutcheon-a
testimonial more suggestive of earnest admira,
ton and warm personal friendship than of great
intrinsic value. etc.-that hope he will not
construct it on the modern plan of mental hallu-
cinaton and morbid delrium tremens peculiar
to recent architecture
OF course a man ought not to look gift house
in the gable end, but if my friends don't know
me any better than to build me a summer house,
and throw in odd windows that nobody else
wanted, and then daub it up with coorS they
have bought at auction, and applied to the house
after dark with a shotgun, think 1t is time that
we had better understanding
Such structure does not come within either
Of the three classes of Renaissance 1t is Moth
er ElOrentlne, Roman nor Venetian. Any man
can orig nate such style Of architecture, if he
will drink the right kind Of whisky long enough
and then describe his feelings to amanuensis
Imagine the sensation that enc of these modern,
sawed off cottages would create hundred
years from now, if it should survive. But
that is impossible The only cheering feature
of the whole matter is that these creatures of
disordered imagination must soon pass away,
and the bright sunlight of hard horse sense shine
in through the shattered dOrmers and gables of
gnawed off architecture Of the average summer
resort. friend of mine few days agoshowed
me his new house with much pride: He
asked me what thought Of it. L told him l
liked it first rate. Then | went home and wept
all night 1t was my first falsehood.
The house. taken as whole, looked to me like
skating rink that had started out to make
money, and then suddenly changed its mind,
and resolved to become tannery. Then ten
feet higher it had lost all self-respect and bios
somed into a full blown drunk and dsorderly"
surmounted by kthe smoke stack OF foundry,
odd hpIrl, ft,f nc hiyt hoo
with the chain-gang. That's the way it looked
to me-
The roofs were made of little odds and ends of
misfit rafters and distorted shingles that some
body had purchased at sherff's sales and the
rooms and stairs were gddy in the extreme. |
went in and rambled around among the cross
eyed staircases and other nightmares till reason
tOttered on her throne. Then came out and
stood on the architectural wart called the side
porch to get fresh air This porch was painted
a dull red, and IL had wooden rosettes at the
corners. Further up On the demoraliZed lumber
pile saw now and then places where the work
mans mind had wandered, and he had nailed on
his clapbOards wrong side up and then painted
them with the Paris green that he had intended
TO use on something else 1t was an odd-looking
structure, indeed. If my friend got all the
material for nothing from people who had trag
ments of paint and lumber left over after they
failed, and then if the workmen constructed it
nights for mental relaxation and intellectual re-
pose, without charge, of course the scheme was
financial success, but intellectually the house is
a gross violation of the statutes in such cases
made and provided, and against the peace and
dignity Of the State.
There is a look of extreme poverty about the
structure which man might struggle for years
to acquire and then fail No one could look upon
it without feeling hcartache for the who
built the house. and probably struggled on year
after year. building little of it at time as he
could steal tie lumber, getting new workman
each year. building knob here and aprotuber
ance there, putting in a three-cornered window
at one point and yellow tile wad of broken
glass and other debris at another, patiently fill
ing-in around the ranch with any old rubbish
that other people had got through with, and
painting it as he went along, taking what was
left in the bottom of the pot after his neighbOrs
had painted their bob sleds, or their tree boxes
little favors thankfully received-and then sur
mounting the whole pile with a pot pourr of
roof, grand farewell incubus of bumps and
holows for the rain to wander through and seek
out the different cells where the lunatics live
who inhabit it.
/ did tell my friend of one thing that I
thought would improve the looks of his house.
He asked me eagerly what it could be. saie it
would take a man OF great courage to do 1T for
him. He said he didn't for that. He would
do it himself. If it only needed one thing, he
would never rest until he La it, whatever that
might be- Then l told him that if he had
frend-one that he could trust-who would steal
in there some night while the family were away,
and scratch match on the leg of his breeches,
on the breeches of any other gentleman who
happened to be present, and hold it where it
would ignite the alleged house, and then remain
there too see that the fire department did not
NEEDLE with it, he would confer a great favor
on one who would cheerfully retaliate in kind at
call.
How Artificial Teeth May Do Damage.
Sir Henry Thompson, in Popular Science Monthly.