Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1885-07-18
THE FOURTH.
AS Three Melancholy Memphis Lawyers
Spent 1t at Clarksville.
The H. G. Court of Hon. John F. House,
Together with What Befell ON the
L. Il N Slnnnnr.
Memphis Avalanche

IOSetner With WHAT BeIelI on tno
L. & N. Sleeper.
Memphis Avalanche.
1t is always painful to the Ava
lanche to show up gentlemen who
tramp around the world after Fourth
of July barbecued lamb. 1t is par
ticularly painful to'the Avalanche to
discharge this duty when 1t has been
partly in fault. DIR. Johnson defined
patriotism as "the last refuge of seoun7
.drels." The definition may have done
for his day. Itsis gross libel in our
day. It has been civilized and ameli-
Grated down to. a mere hunger for lamb
and thirst after spring water--next
morning.
The editor of the Avalanche, being
at home in Clarksyille or having a
habit of making himself at home,
ignited the patriotic Fourth of July
hunger and thirst in three Memphis
lawyers, Messrs. Dabney M. Scales,
John p. Houston and L. M. Scruggs,
three as genial, jovial and withal ex-
cellent lawyers as Memphis boasts.
The editor. OF the Avalanche was
advised by Judge Lurton, whose pa
triotism and capacity for mutton are
as unlimited as his legal learning, that
the 4th OF July court presided over by
Hon. John F.aHouse and known to all
male members of the Clarksville bar
as the III. G. court, in which all rules
are reversed and which is organized
to convict, had been deprived OF its
unique judicial position and suspend
ed because of the prevalence OF Jones'
ism suI,erinduced upon Murpheyism,
ted extent by DIR. Daniel F. Wright of
the state bolrd of heslth-a gentleman
of English nativity, of great culture
and ability, who has has been known
in his confederate experience to ask
for mint julep and toadd sand please
to make 'ot."
1t is also a solemn fact that DR..
Wrighs, who is well known i'll Mem
phis was placed in command of a
guard over powder magazine in
Nashville as sergeant in the Rock
City Guards. At daylight an officer
came by.
"What'n shoel are you doing here,
doctor ?" parleyed the officer.
0udL uIdS ULto HO"dOA illd5elAIIlCr
replied the doctor. @
NPowder magazine, h-ll, that's an
icehouse."
"Boy G." exclaimed the doctor,
'Do you know, judging from the cold
ehills that ran down my back all
night, / had diagnosed symptoms Of
IN ice house." 4
Since the editor of the Avalanche
once celebrated Judge Lurton's patri-
otic devotion to sheepis the best verse
ever written-unfortunately mostly
ost-as the most dulce pro patria
nori devourer of sheep in America.
n which it was said:
Had this most capacious eater
Been there when it was said to Peter,
Arouse thee Peter, slay ana eat
He'd have tackled all the meat
And wiped his lips upon the sheet"
t was suspected that the law was dull, |
ees rare and mutton scarce and high. |
It is unnecessary TO say that our Mem
1his patriots were on hand.
Since the editor saved 81 by taking |
he day train, and incident that oc-
;urred on the sleeper, where some |
hing is nearly always occurring, was
from the conductor. The |
gallant relic of the late G. S. N, had
risen as Chaucer would remark, to
zee if the porter had Il sincere gripe
IN his boots. Returning with that
are which always characterizes pru-
lent gentlemen aboard sleepers our
riend Dabney was satisfied that he
ould not be mistaken in the A. No.
chicago size of pedal extremity dis
losed by his section boss" as it were
Who occupied the lower berth.
abuse" said he, "Huse."
Forth came a qulvering treble,
which smote our hero to the marrow:
"Taint Huse, I'll thank you, sir, and
III be obliged if you'll move on"
He moved on with cool place ON
9th sides of the backbone about the
istaneei apart of two barrels OF a
portsman's fire arms. The porter
Ias sought
"Wy, boss, dis is de berth. Can't
Mss dat gen'lman's feet"
"What's the matter, Dabney ?" re-
lied our naval friend, turning the
Gale.
Il can't understand how two differ
Mt voices came from those pedals"
he mystery lias never been explained.
The barbecue WAS mistake. The
Iemphis trio were found by the
rring editor at the elegant and hospi-
ible.country-seat of Judge Jo Scales,
rmed to the. teeth-with patriotic
unger and thirst and III the very
epths of disappointment Notwith-
landing the elegant ladies at Judge
Gales, they were found mouthlhg
bout barbecue and concommitants to
nat extent that when we left them
ndge Scales was discussing Zion col 7,
red picnic with its razor-back barbe-
ne as a possible solace. They were
1T matchmaking Col. Houses III.
!. court and threatening unutterable
lings to the editor OF the Avalanche,
ne innocent cause of this patriotic
ater haul This veraeious account is
uly sworn to and subscribed. III
What Parents Fear ss glt
Many persons especially parents
bject TO many quack nostrums as like
! to engender or encourage a love for
rong drink. They are right Bet-a
n die of disease than drunkenness.
ha .,se of Parker,a Tonic does NOT