Morning journal and courier., 1885-09-03
SET.

Boarding house keepers should never sci
 an old hen at the head of a table.-Car l Pretzels Weekly.
 If MT. Maxwell dosn't stop talking soon he ! won't have anything left to, say on the scafo1d. Chicago News
 l Smallpox was taken to Montreal by pal 1 ace car conductor. Those fellows will take anything, from fifty cents all round'' up- l wards.-Lowen Courier.
 We have at last found out why it is so l many California women paint their cheeks. It is because they wish to be kissed in the mouth.-Stockton Maverick.
 The Atlanta Constitution propounds the editorial conundrum-"Does it pay to go in debta' It certainly does. It is the getting out of debt that grinds. Chicago News. Six negroes were killed by lightning in St. Charles parish, Louisiana, last Saturday. Lightning in the South is a cousin of the law never hits anybody but negro.-Phila- dslphia Call.
 The government will go in debt in order to feed the Utes. The noble red man is yet so uncivilized that it has not occurred to him to get trusted at the grocery stores.-Louis- vile Courier Journal. "Are your domestic relations agreeable?'' was the question put to an unhappy looking specimen of humanity. 'tOh, my domestic relations are all right" was the reply; 'sit's my wifss relations that are causing the treuble.'
 Lightning is reflected 200 miles and thun- der may be heard for % miles. The voice of an angry woman cannot be heard over half mile and yet to some men it seems more terrible than either thunder or light ning.-Somerville Journal
 Mrs. Pendergast-''Pve been in luck again. I bought Rembrandt yesterday for $3, 00O." Mrs. Van Dusen Glliterate and slightly deaf )-''Thres thousand dollars for a l remnant! Why, bless my soul what sort of goods was it? You should have bought the whole piece for that.-Philadelphi Call"
 He meant to be complimentary: Henry "Oh, by the way, Clara, saw girl to-day who looked so much like you I could have sworn she was your sister; just your face ex- actly, only of course she was worse looking well, you know what I mean; you aren't so ill-looking she was. ."-Boston Transcript.
 A German went into restaurant and as he took his seat an Irish waiter came up and bowed politely. s'Wie ghet's?" said the Ger man, also lowing politely. "Wheat cakes" shouted the waiter, mistaking the salutation man. 'sNine?' said the waiter, "you1l be lucky if you get three."
 A gentleman whose family consists of wife and twin girl babies came in very late one night and went to bed. His sleep was bro ken, and he tossed and tumbled and nut tered something about 1.-two of kind" and a "small pair" 'sPoor John,'' murmured the wife, Che is tired and is dreaming of the chil- dren. ."-New York Sun.
 9'Has the half-past 3 train gonea'' asked an old lady, breathlessly, she struggled into the station and dropped her bundles on the floor. 'sNo, madam; it's not o'clock yet" ;'Wel1, thank goodness! I'm in time. John said was foolish to get up at o'clock this morning and come away without my dinner, but knowed better"
 Some of the evolutionists are trying to make us believe that Adam and Eve were monk eys. Well, their genius for getting into mischief, the amount of mischief they were able to commit when they were turned loose in the garden, and their general ''cussed- ness' all do point that way; but when we read how deftly Adam dodged all responsi- bi1ity, and laid all the blame on the woman brethren, Eve may have been a monkey; we don't deny it; maybe she was; but as sure as the world stands, and truth is eter- nal, Adam was a man.-Brooklyn Eagle.