davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
A Protective Tariff of His own.

Out on Milwaukee avenue, in Chi
cago, is a beer saloon and restaurant
with sign Give Cents Admission on
Its door. After handing over his nickel
to the Teutonic gentleman who stood
behind the door ready to receive it, the
investigator inquired:
els this mJEeump''
NAV, it yos lagerpeer saloon"
''Why do you charge 5 cents admis-
sionp''
"Vell, you see, I haf droubled SO
mooch been NIT dem match-beddlers,
waffle beddlers, sandwich beddlers,
wiener-wurst beddlers und dem fellers
dot doan'd like it pooty much. Da
sell dem tings in here to my customers,
und git deir money und gombete NIT
mine own drade. So / myselluf says
to von da, I'm no high dariff Republic
cans for nodings. j fix you feIlers.
So put owit dot sign. l make efery-
body vot gooms into my lagerpeer sa-
loon pay me fnnf cents, already. Dot
is to bring me in un refenue, und be my
protective tariff against dem foreign
competitors yot has no peesiness in
here. Forschtay?'
ssYes, see the scheme But how
does it workP''
s.Dot's de drubble-dot's de drubble.
Nodings seems to go right in dis goon-
try except in de noosbabers. I've dried
dot tariff for protection a whole week
already. und you vos de only customer
I've had in all dot time. Vot you haf
Gin peer?''-E Chicago Herald.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
Not Fatal, But Incurable.

DR.. c., Surgeon of the Fourth Infant
ry, was stout, pompous. little man,
who, though quite youthful, affected
spectacles to add dignified severity to O
countenance naturally sour. He sat up
late every night playing poker, and
early next day was, of course, as snap
pish as she-bear.
At the sick-call every morning, as
the applicants. for medical treatment
arrived, the following usually occurred:
"Well, sir, what's the matter with
youp''
No. 1: "Had fever all night, took
cold reckon.
Let me see your tongue. Here take
two of these pills drawing them from
his right vest pocket and if you don't
get better, come back and get some
more"
To No. ?: ..You here againP Well.
what nowP''
81 got pains in my jints-headache
fit to bust
Let me see your tongue. Here,
take two of these pills (taking them
from his left vest-pocket) and if you
don't get better, come back and get
some more"
To No, 5: ''Well, old dpine-knot; tired
of drilling, hey?"
Il got a bad sprain, doctor. and it's
getting worse. !"
'.Let me see your tongue. Here, take
two of these pills (taking them from
his left vest pocket), and if you don't
get better, come back and get some
more.''
One day patient came back to 'sget
some more. After the usual form of
question, DIR. K began to pull his pills
from the right vest-pocket.
'.Hold on, DOCTOR" said the old sol
der; ''that's the wrong pocket. y
Don't make any difference said
the surgeon, reddening. Sinking
amt fatal, but it's incurable. n-S Soath-
ern BiuouQc.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
A Fortune in ..Beeswax."

..Did ye ever hear of the original dis
coverer of the Toughnut mine at
Tombstone? Well, he was a regular
tenderfoot from way back, and was
working with two pards on the claim,
and one day he came up from the bot
tom OF the shaft an says he, Boys, ;
said he, I'm played out, and 1 amt
got no more heart in this racket. / al
low as long as / was striking anything
like ore I'd stand it out here, but may
ye spit on my grave if L amt working
beeswax, an he showed his pards a
piece of rock thickly covered with a
brown substance as did look uncom-
monty like wax. win ye take $500
for your shareP said one of his pards.
Bet yer sweet life I viii, and so the
stuff was handed over, the quit-claim
deed made out, m. the tenderfoot lost
fortune. The thing he took for bees
wax was chloride Of silver. an the rock
veut zl5 900 20 tac ton. Tell yes
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
A Man With tho Blues.


''I cannot understand why the press
is SO cruel to me, SAYS Sig. Morosini
speaking of his daughter s.She cuts
my heart ;lll the time. Is it because +
do not speak to the reporters who be.
siege me, or because / am a friend of
Mr.. Gould? But if l refuse to speak of
her it is because cannot speak with
out tears rushing to my eyes; and if ]
am friend of Mr. Gould il is because
our business intimacy is of very long
standing, and he was always as loyal
to me as was to him. They tell me l
was not liberal enough with my chill
dren, and did not give them enough
opportunities for social enjoyment.
Look here-they could always do what
they liked home, and invite anybody,
poor or rich. / took them to Newport
one summer, and they had all the best
young men around them. Victoria had
to sing once in charity concert at
Chickering Hall, and came to me, say
ing, Papa, / want to be dressed like
Patti. l said, All right, go and order
what you want. She ordered a dress
of 81, 100, and then came and said she
wanted the diamonds, too. ALI right
A necklace, solitaire earrings, brace
lets, pins, and what not. I paid $780,
GOO for the jewelry for that one night.
These diamonds are in the vault yet.
and l intended to give them to her
when she married. Now, could any
father do more? And what does she
dop She runs away with scamp of a
eoachman, who tried once to upset and
kill me. More than that. she comes to
sing in Yonkers when her mother is
nearly dying, and takes German brass
band from the street to parade her ar
rival. Now, what do you think of thatP
And here see my name all the time in
the paper.,'
The sturdy old sailor and Garibald-
ian warrior could not speak any more.
Something seemed to choke him.
Nes0 York Suas.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23

A little rain, the sun again, shad-
ow; summer day, some new-mown
hay, meadow. A girlish face, a
matchless grace and beauty; we spend
the day in making hay, sweet duty.
Some fading flowers, some happy
hours, but Heeting; week of rain, and
then again a meeting. One quick, shy
look, a ripping brook, some clover;
sky of gold, the story old. lover. A
fair, sweet maid, short word said;
what is itp try my fate, and not too
late to miss it. The years have gone,
and still loves on that lover; he loves
always, as days and days pass over. A
loving life, long, long. life together,
have made him bless that shy, sweet
Eyes, forever. - Chambers Journal.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23

That was truly sensitive ana re-
fined scoundrel that led the gang that
robbed the Little Rock train. He is
reported as sparing the purses of the
women upon the train, with the re-
mark, II don't forget that my mother
is lady, even if her son is a d-d
scoundrel- Such genteel presence of
mind, coupled with engaging frank
ness, in the midst of an emergency is
rare. We are sure this brigand with
fine feelings would have taken to a
member Of bis profession who was
hanged some years ago in Lower Cali
fornia- The Californian was brought
to the gailows for the murder of his
father, and when the Judge asked him
what he had to say before sentences
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23

Dumley was giving little dinner and
everything was going on nicely. Dunn
ley IS a very hospitable man, but lacks
self-possession. Il believe, Mr.. DHm-
ley said one of his guests, an old
lady. .'that you may help me once
heartily of them already. but they are
dear madame, certainly" replied Duin-
ley. with excess of hospitality. hope
yon will cat all you want of them We
have fresh barrel fn the cellar and Il
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23

A haberdasher one day. standing. as
was his wont, at his door, under the
sign of the Golden Lamb, was aceosted
by a townsman and neighbor. ..Good
morning, Andrew. says the passing
townsman, sswhat be you thinking Of
81 was thinking, said the haber-
dasher, glancing at his sign. as how
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
--~-~-------------- --------4--
County omcers.
RELIGIOUS.

PRESBYTERIAN onuRcH--Preaching FIRST and third
sabbath. Rev s. n. Watson, pastor. Sabbath
school every Sabbath morning at o'clock.
METHODIST CHURcm South l--Rey. J.. +. Shores,
pastor Services the fourth Sabbaths of each month";
morning and evening. Sabbath school every Sab
ath morning at o'clock
Ffnsr Baptist CaURcH--Rsv. II Barton pastor.
seFvices second and fourth Sundays of each nth.
A. n. Il. CHURcH-Rev. p. A. Crockett, pastor.
SsrvilSs second and fourth Sabbatns easn month,
morning and evening. Sabbath school every Sabbath
II D. m.
BAPTIST OuuRcH fcoioredl- dl--Sabbath school every
labbath At p. m.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
Benevolent and Literary.

RExrssvILLn LIBRARr-o. T. Smith, Librarian
Open from 8 to IL a m. and from 2. to p
WAEREN EoDoE, No. "A. A. !. and A. M.-John
GIiysrs, Master; L. N. Applegate, Secretary. Rsgu-
tar meetings Saturday evening preceding full moon.
Cn1nITos LoDek, No. III. A. o.. O. WI. c.
5WAIlaea, n. W..R. II. TIsdale, Recorder. Regular
mcetfnes III and lth Tuesday evening at 7 o'clock
CRAE1Tox Co. MEDICAL SocIErY.-Meets the Fourth
ThuFsday in zach month at Salisbury.
SELecrs KNfoHrs A. o. u w.--BIocts ID aad 9Th
fridny evenings In each month. J. wbiteman, s. c.,
q. n. Tisdalo, r.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
FINAL SETTLEMENT NOTICE

Creditors and all others interested in the
estate of leland Lock, deceased, are hereby
notified that at tle next term of the Chari-
ton County Probate Court, to be begun
and held on the second Monday in Feb
r,iary, S85, at the Courthouse in Keytes-
vile, in said county, shall make final set
tIement Of said estate,
As JOHN LOCK, Administrator.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
state omcsrs.

aovernor- Thoss 7. Crittenden, Of johnson.
Lfeuf.-Goyorner-RObt. A. Campbell, Of st. Louis.
Attorney y-General-D. H Mcintyre, of Audrain.
seerstsry Of Stst6-M. X. McGrath, of st. Louis.
skste Auditor-Jno. Walker, of Howard.
state Treasurer--PhiI. f. chappell, Of Cole.
<upit Public SchooIs--W s. Coleman, of Saline.
Register Of Lands-Robt. Mccullough, of Cooper.
Con nxreasman (this) 10th Dstriek--A. NJ Alexander
5tate Senator (this] 9th DistFfck--W. Halliburton.
tnigs (thisl 11th Judicial Chcuit-G. d. Burgess.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
GENERAL DIRECTORY.
railroad rime rable.
Courts.

Courts.
OfRoUIT CouRr--Regulaf terms held the frat
Mondayi In April and third Monday in October,
PROBATE CoURr-Reguiar terms are hold the second
Mondays Of February, May, August and November.
coyNTT CoURT-Regnlar terms held the hrst
hondays IN February, May, August and November.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
OUT OF BUSINESS.
THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT GOES
HOME FOR AWHILE.
Points of Interest In the Queens Speech
Few Members on Hand to Hear 1t
Read-A German Warning
to England.

LONDON, Aug. l5.-There was a very small
attendance in either house when at o'clock
Friday afternoon parliament was prorogued.
The queens speech was read by Lord Halls.
bury, lord high chancellor, and its de.
livery was unusually impressive. In
reviewing the events of the past
year her majesty expressed deep
sorrow for the failure Of the British expedi,
tion TO relieve Knartoum and rescue Gen
Gordon and his army Of heroes, and points
with special pride to the bravery and en-
durance of the troops and the skill of their
commanders. The assistance rendered by
India, Canada and Australia in the
Soudan xcampaign is especially alluded
to by her majesty in terms
Of warm commendation. As the negotia-
tions with Russia continue there is rene we'd
hope that peaceful settlement of the diff
ferences with that power will soon be
achieved. The queen has taken much pleas
urs in giving the royal assent to bill
amending the criminal law. increasing
the number Of freeholders in Ireland,
and improving the dwellings of the poor
and trusts that the enlargement Of
the electorate will greatly increase the eff.
cheney Of parliament and add tO the con.
tentment Of the people. In conclusion her
majesty prays God that the new members
Of parliament will use their powers with
that degree of sobriety and discernment
which has 50 long been characteristic of the
British legislator, and has added so much to
the honor and prosperity of the nation.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
FOREIGN MISCELLANY.
The Pearce- Francis Scandal.

LONDON, Aug l5.-Mr. Pearce who was
attacked by MIR. Francis and, as reported,
badly beaten, says: This assault has been
grossly exaggerated was not bruised,
and was not even scratched after the as.
sault, Francis rushed into my office.
but / declined discussing the matter
with madman. After talking in a very
excited manner, calling me villain and
q seducsr, he decampsd / don't DENY that
l had intimate relations with the girl, but
thought, as she was 25 years old, she knew
what she wanted, and always paid her
we'll She left home on account of her
parents hard usage deny that betrayed
the woman. A. for Francis, he is drunken,
hard up wild lrshman, who wanted
still more Of my money after my
connection with his daughter had
ceased. don't intend to take
the slightest notice of the case, although |
believe that Francis arranged the outrage
in connivance with tbs editor of The Pail
Mall Gazette, who waited near by and then
published his account"
The girl herself exonerates Mr.. Psarce
from the charge Of seduction and COM
plains that the notoriety given her by her
fathers action has worked her great injury,
as she can not now obtain place where she
may make an honest living, which she is
trying to do.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
A HOT-eEO OF CONTAGlON.
Filthy Condition of Msrseilles - The
Deaths by Cholera,

Filthy Condition of MarseiIles The
Deaths by Cholera.
LONDON, Aug IS There were fifty fatal
cases of cholera in Msrssillss Thursday. The
heat is terrible, and the condition of affair
generally alarming The authorities have
been almost criminally negligent 1t is now
proved that cholera has existed in Mar
sellles in an unmistakable and well-de
fined development of the disease since June,
while the authorities have persistently
denied its presence and have done nothing
to retard its progress Its first appearance
and the rapidity of its spread are due
entirely to the filthy condition Of the lower
quarter Of the town The state of things
there almost passes belief, ami this
hot bed of contagion has been per.
mitted to grow worse with the warm
weather and to breed cholera
while the other residents of the city have
been kept as long as possible in ignorance Of
the terrible plague at their doors. In these
crowded and dirty localities the people are
huddled together like pigs, and garbage and
refuse of all kinds are thrown into the
streets. In the total absence of drainage
there is no other way to dispose of refuse,
ehu oho Is a dllu SlCk6llng
accumulation of filth.
MADRID. Aug. Is. There we're ,S95 new
cases and l,4ll deaths in the cholera in.
fected districts during the twenty four hour,
ended noon Friday.
MADRID Aug Is In Granada the chol-
era is increasing fearfully. In the prov.
inces outside the city there have been re.
ported Friday 3lS deaths from the disease
and ass new cases and in the city 21S deaths
and %46 new cases.
The popular agitation against sanitary in.
reference has been renewed In Seville. The
local authorities have all resigned. The
shops are closed. No business is done, and
the scourge has an unobstructed field
ST PETERSBURG Aug l5.-It is positively
denied that there are any cases of cholera
in the suburbs of Odessa The town is en-
joying perfect health.
WASHINGTON CITY, Aug IA dispatch
received at the state department Friday
from Consul Mason 1T Marseilles states that
the deaths from cholera there average about
forty daily and that the disease is spreading
rapidly toward the interior
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
BLUE GRASS, Scott County, Iowa,
NoYember 2S. 1881

For the benefit of the public lam willing to make
known an account Of my long sickness | suffer
ed for many years from catarrh, also from the
most severe headaches, dizziness and ear troubles
and also daily chills, ard cstarrh fever and last
ing cold sweats, and these same occurring every
night so that l became go nervous | could not
sleep. l suffered from chronic dyspepsia and
stomach complaint; my liver and kidneys were
disordered my lnngs SO weak that my breath was
short and painful, and my heart also greatly
troubled me. had no appetite and was constant
ly suffering from iatulency and from bitter taste
In the mouth, and all this time my hands and feet
were covered wife a cold sweat. When placed
myself in your care l had been for nine weeks
bed-ridden and for six months unable TO go to
town; and for two years too weak to do any
work. had employed q number Of the best ply
siclans, but grew constantly weaker My father
in-law Mr. Schlichting) called on YOU on Decem-
Der 26, 1851, and you visited me at my home You
asserted that you could cure me If followed your
directions; did so, and in eight weeks W as able
to call on you in Davenport, and you have visited
me only once
All the above named sysptoms have entirely die
appeared, and with JOY and gratitude scknowl-
edge the great good you have done me. feel like
new man, strong and sound, am able to go out
and work daily, even in the coldest weather, and
for all this am lnde bted TO Mrs DR. Keck Ever
your friend. JOHN R0ENEEEEDT.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
DuRANr. Iowa. November q. 1882

MRS. DR.. KRCK:-Respected Madam-I desire
TO inform the public of what you have done for
me. | have been under your treatment since the
10th of July, and have greatly improved | suff-
cred from u sort Of cancerous csta rrh which more
or less poisoned my entire system. There were
severe pains in my left size, in the shoulder
blade also had palpitatiOn OF the heart and WIS
short Of breath, aIf Of which symptoms have now
entirely disappeared. My stomach was disorder.
ed, and my kidneys occssioned severe back ache
all of this has now disappeared. Icould not sleep
at night, but now have as sound sleep as any
well person. feel that have been entirely re-
stored by Mrs. DIR Kecks constant treatment and
advise all my friends to try her institute
Sincerely yours, JOIN THIEssEN
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
DAVENPORT, January 5, 1884

Mrs. DR.. KICK; l wish to add to my statement
OF 1873 how complete my cure has been 1t is
now more than ght years since you cured me
During this whole time | have taken no medicine
and have been able to work constantly in the
stene quarries. hear that there has been a re-
port recently that had died and was buried
which report surprised me- for never was better
than now. was in the last stages Of cOnsump-
ton when yOH took my case. | was suffering
from night sweats, fever Chills, severe cough
spittings and loss Of appetite, and was SO weak
that had TO stay in bed. All these symptoms
disappeared and have not REQUIRED. You com
pletely cured me and am very grateful for IT, |
shall take pleasure in answering all inquiries in
regard to nv case
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
The Sultan succumbs.

BERLIN, Aug Is Admiral Paschen tele-
graphs Friday that the sultan of Zanzibar
has given unconditional assent to Ger
many's claim to protection over all the ter
ritory occupied in Zanzibar by German sub
jects, including that Of Sulta Vitu, Ger
many's friend. The sultan of Zanzibar has
ordered his subjects to keep peace with the
Germans, and has withdrawn his troops
from the new reorganizsd German terri.
tory
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
CONSUMPTION.
DAVENPORT, Iowa. January 2, 1873.

bANENPoRf, IOWA January = 1873.
Mrs. DR.. KICK: Respected Madam,-I deem II
my duty to express my gratitude for the cure
which you effected of my lung trouble. l suffe er-
ed with consumption and had been treated by -four
physicians, all OF whom declared me incurab lie.
could not walk and had to be conveyed to your
Institute ana after Il short time my friends were
astOnished to see me well again II is three
years since was cured and am entirely we'll
most sincerely recommend your institute, for it
saved my life. am ready TO answer all letters
Respectfully,
RUDOLPH HOFFMAN
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
BLUE GRASS. Scott County. Iowa. I
nncnmhe l2 lsA1
f. w. BRADY.

December l3, 1882
Mrs, DIR. kECK:-Eespected Madam regard
II as my duty TO state my for the benefit of
those who may be suffering so that others may
obtain relief as l have. For years suffered from
liver aud kidney troubles, also back ache and fire.
quent dizziness My body was so full of catarrh
from head to foot that could not walk one ha a
mile and now can several miles AT times couldt
scarcely draw breath. My head was SO afeced
that insanity was apprehendcd; in brief, my con
diiinn was terrible
was also suffering for ten years from disease
of the skin. | employed different physicians, no
one knew what allied me, / took medicine con-
stantly, but grew worse daily my appetite was
irregular and my sleep disturbed. II is now
yeari since trusted my case to Mrs Dr. Keck
aud placed myself in her care. She said at the
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
A Hint to John Bull.

BERLIN, Aug l5-The Kreuz Zeitung, in
an article on the Zanzibar question. says:
The moment has come to end the intrigues
Of Sir John Kirk, the British consul general
at Zanzibar, who is well known for his anti
German sentiments. The present friendly
relations between England and Germany
will undergo their first and perhaps decisive
test in East Africa England must remsm-
ber that Sir John Kinks attitude may pre-
vent q satisfactory understanding.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15

outset that che could cure me- and it Is true, am
now an entirely different man, under the regular
use of her medicines and implicit confidence In
her have not felt as well for years as now do
have regular appetite, sound sleep. rich and
clear bloed and good courage. | C IN say she say
ed my life.
Had We not found Mrs. Dr. Keck who can say
what would have become of our son-in-lawf He
would have been in his grave long ago had we not
strictly followed her treatment. Let God be
thanked for what Mrs. Dr. Keck has done for ouI
family Whoever doubts these statements will
kindly inquire of me.
MRS. MARY SCHLlCHTISa
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15

Z. W. Hurst represents the leading
American and Foreign Insurance Co.'S
Policies carefully written al current rates.
Agency established 1874. Once over
Rock Island National Bank.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15

Some years ago physician in Davenport who
wished to destroy Mrs. KeCks recommendations
toldm that she was publishing a certificate from
a man who was dead and buried. This assertion
referred to Rudolph Hoffman: but he is now
hearty and sound and works daily in the stone
quarry
E. W BRADY
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15

PARIS, Aug. ia dispatch has been re-
eelved in this city from St Petersburg stat
ing that Russia has sent England proposals
for the settlement Of the disputes concern
ing Zulfkar pass and the positions oom.
manding it. The dispatch adds that it is
certain England viii accept the proposals
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15
RUDOLPH HOFFMAN,
l54 West Second Sire

Certified to by F W Brady, Mr.. and Mrs R.
Moore, 115 Brady Street. Adam F. StaufenbieI.
American Express CO., Mrs. Alice Whistler, 1918
Perry street.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-08-15

Wanted-Twenty boys and Girls from
10 to 2Oyears ofage, of pleasanzaddress;
can make mems wages. Appl: at once
at 1917 Fourth ave