The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-12-03
HUMOR.


HUMOR.
A MAN tried TO piccolo note ont Of i,
piccolo, but it flute to his head. -Terss
Siftings.
THE grandest performance out-Nr
sgara in her great catar- act Teras
Siftings.
THE man with the most faults grieyes
At his neighbor's one little shortcoming.
Whitehall Times.
TT is said that Jay Gould's maxim is:
@Buy an editor when you can-get him
in jail when he won't SELL detroit
Free Press.
THE man who can keep heaven in his
heart while he has the other place in his
stomach is the proper sort of Christian
to tie to.-Chicago Ledger.
IT'S sweet 10 love.
But oh tbs honey
To love a girl
Who's got the money.
Washington Hatchet.
AN editor at Wickliffe, KY, is also
the undertaken of the place. 1t is
needless TO say he has the journalistic
virtue of liking his bier-St. Paul
Herald.
"THEY tell me you have acquired
snug fortune. Mr.. Grimes" Perhaps
1 have" what was the secret OF
your SUGGEST" Winding my own bus
mess, sir. Chicago Ledger.
CHURCH music never sounds so
thrilling as when the organ is playing
II seek no wealth but Jesus love" and
the deacons are pattering around tho
aisles with the contribution boxes
Fail Riuer AdD0nce.
"MAMMA," said little girl, Il think
/ will raise q mustache.' "Imposs-
ble." replied the mother, girls cannot
raise mustache." Eyes, they can, for
/ saw Annie raise cousin Charles mus
tache last night when she kissed him"
Carl Pretzeps Weekly.
Rev. Mr.. TALMAGE says the average
of newspaper life is five years, and that
"most of them die of cholera infantum,"
An impression prevails that most of
them die of cramp--of oramp, that is, in
the publisher pocket book. A weak
circulation also proves fatal to many Of
them. NorristOWp Herald.
If mail carriers are to be changed
off, let them be succeeded by female
carriers. 1t would save a good deal OF
annoyance. They would read all the
postal cards, of course, and an arrange
ment might be made with them to
throw away all the duns and circulars.
Indianapolis Herald.
A SCIENTIFIC writer says that to dis
cover how an!nsect breathes. stake, say,
wasp or a hornet" He may mean well,
but we shall not take either wasp or
hornet. The person who takes o
wasp or hornet to discover how an IN
sect breaths, is pretty apt to do some
very rapid andvigorous breathing him
self before he proceeds very far with
the investigation. Better take an in
sect that doesn't violate the law against
carrying concealed weapons. Norris
tOlo7l Herald.
WHO is HE? Ell?
Behold him as ne walks the streets.
Whitehead erect,
Saluted by the boys he meets
With great respect.
His large blue eyes with pride agIow,
And lofty'air,
He seems n master spirit, though
His feet are bare.
How jauntily his hat he wears,
The back pulled down,
Although some tufts of reddish hnirs
Peep through the crownl
Now who may be this lovely bud?
Your ear incline;
He's captain of the champion club,
The small boys nine"
Boston Courier.
CoURTsHIP IN UTAH.-"Well, good
ninht Iaaraot Gaorna. II hn,,o 1,nf, Will
reach home, safely. Cannot you call
again tomorrow EVENING"" mo, dear.
est. Tomorrow evening l go to see
Ethelinda. well, the evening after ?"
Sorry; but that's Angelina's night.
It's fact, dearest Aurora. Every
night in the week is occupied now, and
/ have three matinees to do besides.
But cheer up, dearest, we'll have q
grand wedding some of these days,
when will be able to clasp you all to
my heart, never more to separate.
Then, pressing fond kiss on his dar-
ling's lips, the lover takes his depart.
ure. -Erchange.
A WOMAN is far more sensitive than
a man. She has finer feelings and q
more delicate mind. There are q very
few men who realize this, and in conse-
quence womanois made to endure much
unnecessary suffering. One of our
merchants was going to church with
his wife, Sunday morning, when she
suddenly STOPPED and put her hand to
her head. What's the matter?" he
asked, startled by the look of her face.
"Ol l have got on my brown hat.
"Eh?' calculated the astonished man.
She burst into uncomfortable tears.
What, Martha, what is the matter
with you?" he demanded. Don't you
see what is the matter ?" she returned
in sobbing voice; "Pve got on my
brown hat with my striped silk. o,
what will people 9'-Erchange.