Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1885-10-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

l. to call slim one stout
And stout one very slender.
If she happens to be short,
You must tell her she is tall
And if shes rather lengthy,
Say she is not tall at all.
Cold feet-Two feet of snow.
A love letter may be said to be writ of
attachment
Is it correct to speak of sick lawyer as
AN i'll legal man!
A cent in your pocket is worth two on
your handkerchief.
We want to ask one question; "Can q
person 90 around A square,"
Anybody can play a hand organ, but
that is no reason anybody should.
Freshman: MAY have the pleasure ?"
Miss Society: "Ou." What does we
mean ?" 80 L aud !"
There is youth uptown who is so lazy
that the only work he does is when he is
laboring under a mistake.
"Will the coming man work." is the cur
rent conundrum. Ii he gets himself at
tached to large family he will.
You may speak as you will OF pedigree
generally, but in a sleeping car il is mans
berth which raises him above his fellows.
1--WE yot right bow wow-er' said AN
old card player as he poisoned dog who
had been disturbing his slum5er- for several
nights.
"You NAV speak" said a fond mother,
about people having strength of mind,
but when it comes 10 strength of don't
mind, my son William surpasses everybody
/ ever knew"
sneak thief. who recently robbed the
collection box in downtown church and
found it to be filled with plugged dimes aud
counterfeit nickles, says he hates counter
felt Christianity anyway
Lady caller-"I much prefer colored
servants to white ones, don't you, Mrs. Bg"
Mrs. b" Well, really, Mrs. r., it depends
upon the color, you know. can't endure
green ones
4 3 year-old little girl was taught to close
her evening prayer, during the temporary
absence of her father, with " and please
watch over my papa" 1t sounded very
sweet, but the mothers amusement may be
imagined when she added and you better
keep an eye on mamma, toow
Hes not what you call strictly hand
some," said the Major, beaming through
his glasses on homely baby that lay howl
ing in his mothers arms, but it's the kind
of face that grows on you" " It's not the
kind of face that ever grew on you" was
the indignant and unexpected reply Of the
maternal being.
Lady in registry office" am afraid that
little girl won't do for a nurse she is too
small. should hesitate TO trust her with
the baby" Clerk" Her size, madam, We
look upon as her greatest recommendation.
You should remember that when she drops
baby it doesn't have very far to fall"
A man went into the country last Sunday
for walk. He carried his oyercoat on his
arm, but finding il burdcnsome hung il on
a fence. Taking card from his pocket he
wrote Do not touch this coat; infected
with smallpox He came two hours later
and found the card upon which was written
the warning Thanks for the coat; I've
had the smallpox"
What becomes of men who deceive their
fellow men ?" asked a Sunday school teach
er of her class. "They lose the conf
dence of good people" was the prompt an
swer. Very well, indeed Now, what
becomes of the women who do the same
thing" The question stumped the class
for a minute, and then little girl pipcd
out: "They usually catches the man for a
husband num-
Good-gracious, Dusenberryl didn't
know until to-day that you had been mar
ried three times" Yes, Bromley, | have
taken all the degrees The first wife knock
ed all the romance out Of me the second
taught me humility" And your present
wife" Made a philosopher out Of me.
can bear other peoples troubles with a
great deal of self-complacency."
II was one Of the good little boys from
Sunday school near Boston who gave this
Interpretation to a verse taught by his
teacher: Behold a greater than Solomon
is hear Hold crater to Soiomon's earl"
When at loss to give the answer Gain"
TO a question relative to that individual, the
teacher, to jog his memory, asked: "What
does man walk with" Quick a. a fash
came the reply, "a woman"
Mr. Pompano-" Aulelia, do you know
what would do if were woman? ?" Mrs.
Pompane in the sulks)-" do not" 81
would always preserve a cheerful demeanor.
/ would not wrinkle my face nor spoil my
beauty by pouting.' Indeed DO You
know what ] would do if were man :"
" am anxious to hear" 81 would buy my
wife a new bonnet rather than have her
spoil her beauty.
Who's The new bOarder over the way ?"
asked Mrs. Bluff of her husband. Il don't
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