The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-11-26

required. IN future TeVlSIODS or the
Bible the word Jar" will probably be
substituted for grave" or thus:
when Gabriel's trump sounds the
dead will rise from their jars" and SO
on. This cremation business will
have one advantage over the old way.
When bodies are burned the wicked
doctors will have to reform for the
want of subjects.
50 they are going to vacclnate for
yellow fever, and thus get tie inside
track otNthat scourge as well as small
poX. Well, now If they will keep
Tight on and vaccinate for measles,
WhooplDg cough, love sickness, jeal-
other diseases which affiict
man and womankind, won't
we become a happy set of mortals!
When we have to Gie of old age or by
suicide, homicide or accident, the life
! insurance companies will have to re-
wise all their reckonings and the doctors
go to ploughing. In fact, when vac
cination and cremation both set in,
it will be hard on the drug stores, doc
! tors, undertakeTS and livery stables.
| Country c)usins' can vaccinate for
home-SIckneSS aud then come to town
| will not have to spend the summers
in the north for their health. BY put
ting children through full course of
vaccination, when obey become adu is
they will be free from all diseases and
thus ready at all times to attend 10 tn,
active duties of life On with the re-
forms.
The uppeTmost or fashionable pbra-
ses of the press at this moment are,
"it's a cold day when" ETC.; "there
must be line drawn somewhere"
turn the rascals OUT" "dull sicken-
ing thud" etc. These will be used
until they are worn out, or become
unfaShlonable. wien others will come
Into vogue. Why should not editors
be IN fashion as well as other men?
Ordinarily, pOst0ffices attend only
to the mails, but Fort WorthIs post
office has male aud female to look
after. In other words il has a post
master aad Il po>;nistress, and the
latJeT seems 10 h4., the inside track,
They occupy OULn sides of the h0us
but the po,tlnistress has tie inside,
aud me postmaster the outside. Go
it Burchill! go it Field!
Enefo Is mdl IL Austin who takes
cold every time he cleans his teeth
For that reason he only cleans them
four times year. He is 200 delicate
to indulge in that luxury 0ftener
AS Walkabout may becomea candi-
date for the iunatic asylum, he thiLk KS |
of going out there and seeing how he |
must conduct himself when he gets !
there, by noticing how Others act. He |
q IS promised to go nex0 Wednesday. |
Ii he is pleased with the institution he |
may engage quarters there.
Walkab3ut'S sermon did a power of |
good. II has reformed many whose |
ways were evil. His wash woman has |
returned long lost stud; his landlady
is now spreading more butter on his
bread; man who has been borrowing
his neighbours STATESMAN for year |
called and SUBSCRIBED for 1t; fifteen |
dollars were sent to a bank in this city |
to Do placed III the conscience fund, |
but The spider that long since wove |
its wao over Walka 1out's contrlbu- |
ton box, has not been disturbed! |
Alas! it was always sO-poor preach, |
poor pay. The p's have it.
Eleven contrary men on another |
jury. It is indeed strange that so |
many contrary men should get on to ]
our juries. 1t does seem that man
has TO gain the reputation of being
contrary before he is qualified to serve
on a jury. Away with such system.
Give US system in accordance with
our form of gov eminent. Let the h
tWO-thirds rule prevail as well in our \
courts Of Justice Ys in our halls of
legislation.
Old aunt Judy" wants all the edi-
tors converted and proposes to act as a
missionary among them. Why, don't
the good Old soul know that there is
not an unconverted editor III the state,
excepting Uncle Daniel, Of the Age
and Sterrett, Of the Dallas Times?
She certainly can't read all the papers.
But here comes Aunt Judy and puts
up the money. Just hear her:
Observation-Disclosures find 81 90 for
Col. r. M. Powell, one of our dear old
heroes. Bless their hearts. If I could
give them thousands, it would make
Aunt Judy the happiest old soul in
this broad land, but it has been
about all she could do to keep
her head above water since
that dark April day" encircled
us with it's gloom. How dark that
day was only those who passed
through it can tell. Its shadow still
hovers over us, and poverty haunts
many southern homes where plenty
dwelt before. May the great, the
wonderful Jehovah, look with pity
upon our suffering heroes who still
survive, and incline every southern
heart to render them some assistance.
AUNT JUDY.