Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1885-08-13
Why He was Bounced.

and his name was Theopolis Duggan.
~ reckon So" he replied.
i "Can you be suave?"
"Which?n
"Can you supporta becoming address
in the presence of ladies-politeness,
suavity, you known D
"Oh, yes,u answered Duggan, "in the
last place / worked the boys all said Twas
the suaviest man in the troupe, and a
rustler among customers"
"What business was it?''
"Pumps-wooden and iron pumps
and hydraulic rams"
"Quite a different line from dress
goods and ribbons"
"Well, yes, but l amt afeard to tack
lie 'em."
| Mr.. Waltrous gave him q trial. The
boys in the store labeled him "pumps"
from the first moment of his initiation
into dress goods and ribbon depart
ment. The second day a petite brun-
cite inquired for some 'chicken down"
nuns yelling. Pumps commenced to
sweat.
| "What color is it?' he blurted out.
The girl only rewarded him with a
stony stare. Pumps rushed off after
new stock of information and inquired:
"Is this provision store or butcher
shop?"
"Why?" asked one hundred and
fifteen pound salesman.
| because there's gal there by the
show case who wants some chicken
down."
The one hundred and fifteen pounds
of pure and unadulterated suavity
waited on her.
"Show me some elephants breath
cashmere" said an elderly lady in gold
bowed spectacles. Pumps dropped a
roll of paper cambria and again started
down the road after some more infor-
nation.
"What's Elephants breathe" he
gasped. Hanged if l amt thinkin'
I've struck menagerie.o
"It is a shade of woolen goods" MUIR
INJURED another salesman, moving up to-
wards the elderly lady and selling her a
large bill.
"Bet your boots I'll catch on" said
Pumps, staggering before the glass
where ladies try an bonnets and hats.
Another young lady interviewed
Pumps in the afternoon and said:
"You know soutache on gray velvet
is considered very chic"
"It is Just the chickiest thing agoin',"
observed Pumps.
The young lady look grieved.
"Show me some giraffe colored cash.
mere" she said quietly.
"Another animal wanted" muttered
Pumps, breathlessly, as he reached the
other end of the store. He, of course,
lost the sale.
"Show me some crinoletts," demaned
spare woman with cast in ner eye.
Pumps was nonplussed.
eff was you wouldn't get crino-
lette," he ventured.
"You wouldn't" sneered the lady.
"No, not at this season of the year.
I'd get pair of striped stockings and
poke bonnet"
The lady walked out.
"What did she want?" inquired Mr..
Waltrous, who had kept his eagle eye
on the proceedings.
"She was hankerin' after crino-
lette," said Pumps, ''and don't think
we have them in stock"
''These are crinolettes," said Mr..
Waltrous sternly, and pointing to pile
of garments.
"Them! Why I took them for base
ball Masks" said Pumps.
"You will have to do better than
this" remarked Mr.. Waltrous, impress
sively.
"There is woman at the front end
who wants some Apollonaris. Hadn't
better get her glass of seltzer?'
Some more condensed suavity waited
on the lady and sold her a polonaise, a
moliere waist-coat, an ostrich feather
fan and ten yards of plum-colored vel
veteen. Pumps was paralyzed.
"You fellows have got the thing down
middlin' fine" he said, pulling his ver-
million moustache before the mirror.
Evidently you have considerable to
learn in this business" said the head
salesman to Pumps.
"All ask is a fair show for my mon
ey," returned Pumps, dejectedly.
"What would you do if a lady were
to inquire for an imported jersey?"
"What are you giving us?" whined
Pumps. '"This is no stock yard or dali
ry farm"
THAT, my dear friend" said the head
salesman, lis short jacket introduced
into this country by Mrs. Lantry. What
if she should inquire for tournure?"
"Me-oh-Td-"
"That will do," shouted Mr.. Wal
trous, bobbing up from behind bale of
sheeting; ''you can just tournre back on
this establishment, and hunt work in
lumber yard. Texas Sitting.