Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1885-02-20
Spoopendyke Fixes for New Yeak Calls


table and regarding the effect with
her head very much on one side, "my
dear, what are you going to wear when
you make calls on New Year's?"
"Clothes, l suppose" returned Mr.
Spoopendvke, looking up from his
paper. "Why. has the fashion changed
recently about wearing clothes?' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded his wife
with an anxious look of inquiry.
"But you should wear you swallow.
tail coat by all MEANS" continued Mrs
Spoopendyke. "All the gentlemen
wear swallow tail coats on New Years
day now"
"Well. if you think you are going
to strap me up in two-tined coat and
start me around this town looking like
the head waiter of dollar and a half
summer resort, you're just as badly
left as one-armed man ut church
supper. may be dod gasted ass
enough to hop around to the various
old hen roosts. wishing the contents a
happy new year, but when you melt
me into a clothespin jacket it'll be
when reason no longer holds her seat
in this dod gasted BRAIN" with which
application of a trite quotation Mr..
Spoopendyke settled himself and con-
templsted his wife with lofty glance
Of superiority.
"Of course, if you don't want to, "
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, soothingly,
"there won't be any great objection
raised to your business suit. Besides,
now that | think of it, the moths got
into YOUR dress cot, and l don't think
it is fit to be seen," and she put few
finishing touches on her table, and
admired it from another standpoint.
Lets see it?" demanded Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, springing from his chair and
making for his closet, followed by his
wife. Whats the matter with it?-
What's the moth got to do with it ?
Who put moth. in it?" Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke rummaged around and fired his
clothing in all directions in his vain
scare! for the particular garment.
Where is it? he howled scattering
his wardrobe broadcast. Have the
messIy moths eaten it all up? Didn't
they leave even button hole9 Show
me my coat? Bring out the split in
the tails. If there's nothing else left
give me one last, fond glance at the
arm holes. and Mr.. Spoopendyke
kicked his best trousers to the ceiling,
followed them with vest, which he
supplemented with pair of boots.
Snow me the great North American
moth tonder! Fetch unparallrd diet
for the measly moth. Are We ma
ton vel ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. jam
ming his thumb in the door and hop
ping aronrd the room with the in
jur.d digit in his mouth. "Dod CAST
the door, he howled, bringing it a
prodigious kick that bent his leg up
under him like school girls.
"Did you hurt yourself, DEAR ask
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, dodging the
flying boots and clothing.
Does it look as if I'd hurt the door
any" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke,
jamming his thumb in his srmpit, and
bending double with pain. ''Does
that door give the impression of hav
ing smashed its thumb anywhere.
Why didn't the moths e,t the dooor?
Hoist 'em out and give 'em feed!'
And Mr.. Spoopeudyke caught the
offending wicket by the knobs and
tugged until he was out Of breath.
perhaps it isn't so bad after all" )"
murmured Mrs. Spoopenlyke, follow
ing him aroung the room in fruit
less effort to catch up to him.
Perhaps it anti" roared Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. holding his thumb out at
arms length. Pr'aps you've got some
scheme for making it worse! Oh, go
ah-ad! Don't mind me! Take the
thumb. friend and do your worst."
And Mr.. Spoopendyke dropped into
his chair and groaned with wrath.
ats good thing for this family that
| Can control myself! he howled. "If
| was like most men the lot on which
this house stands would be good
place to build !" with which solemn
prophecy Mr.. Spoopendyke sprang to
his feet, kicked the chair into the ob-
noxious closet and snorted aloud.
81 didn't mean you thumb, dear"
explained Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 was
talking about the coat. May be the
coat isn't IN such bad condition as |
supposed it was at first"
"rhink they left pocket anywhere?'
inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke. with a
grima,e half anger. "Or pr'aps you
think that since the moths eat the
coat can wear the moths! Bring them
out! Hold 'em up while | climb into
the sleeves! That's your idea? That's
the notion that's been bothering you
so long?"
81 don't know but what you can
wear the coat, auyway?" chirped Mrs.
Spoopendyke, looking up cheerfully,
and opening the door of her closet,
where she had careful hung the coat
after sp"nging it that very day. "You
can look at it, anyhow" and she
brought it out, looking as new and
fresh as when he bought it.
"Then there's something you don't
know?" he grumbled, cycling his reju-
venated garment with q critical eye
"If all you don't know could only be
dumped in together, what an idiot
sylum it would make for some young
and growing territory. Taking you
sll in all, you only want an air pump
and glass side to be dod gasted
vacuum. GIMME the Coat" and MIR.
Spoopendyke grasped his garment,
and threw it over his wife's work
basket for safe keeping, and went to
bed wrapped in u cloud of growls.
The disfguring eruptions on the
face. the sanken eye, the pallid COM