davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
A SAMPLE KENTUCKY QUARREL.
New Chapter In the History of the Tru
man and the J0siyu Feud.

Farmer Truman of Kentucky was up nm
apple tree the other day, manipulating
choice lot of seek-no-furthers, when along
came Farmer Joslyn. As Farmer Joslyn had
e shotgun with him, careless observer
might have reasoned that he was out gun
ming for quail. There was nothing of the
careless observer about Farmer Truman,
however. He didn't t-1mble from the tree
right away, but he did tumble to Farmer
Joslyn's errand, and he halted in his pick.
ing and called out:
"After me, eh ?"
g Jist so, naybur"
Well, was sort O expecting you, but
not quite SO early. Is this the same old
feud-the one starting over line fence 48
years ago"
I" Yes, the same old thing which has
caused the deaths of three Trumans and
Jour Joslyns."
"Oh. didn't know but something new
had come up. Say, nnybur, I'll be down
in just q mint"
az know you will, and you'll probably
come head fust I've come over this morn.
ing to shoot another Truman, and kinder
even up numbers"
Z" But I amt armed. My shotgun is in
the house."
"That's all the better fur me, naybur !"
"But you'll give me few minutes in
which to say my prayers ?"
"Oh, as to that. don't mind lowing
you three or four minits though I'm in
hurry to git back home and go to cutting
corn. Go ahead, naybur."
Farmer Truman settled himself in
crotch and seemed to be praying, while
Farmer Joslyn kept an eye on him, and i'm
patiently waited to catch the concluding
amen" He was in this state of mind
when hole about MS large as his arm was
bored through him from back to front, and
boy of fourteen came running up and
called out
Pop are you up there ~
Yes, my son.
I saw he had the bulge on you, and
got the gun and dropped him !"
Right, my boy. That's what was pray
ing for"
"How many Joslyns does this make ?"
Five. We've only two more to kill OF
10 weed out the lot"
swell, I'll tell one of the niggers to 90
over and see il the family want the body.
Good-by, pa. I shall be late to school"
Good-by, my son. Always strive to b.
good boy II you want success in life."
ts..
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
THE PROPER TIME TO WHIP.
Mark Twain's Theory of baby Discipline.


The "proper time" referred to is any
time after both mother and child have got
The sting of the original difficulty clear out
Of their minds and hearts, and are prepared
to give and take whipping on purely bust
ness nciples-disciplina principles
and with hearts wholly free from temper.
For whippings are not given in our house
for revenge; they are not given for spite
nor even in anger; they are given partly
for punishment but mainly by way of in-
pressive reminder, and protector against q
repetition of the offense. The interval be-
tween the promise of whipping and its
infiction is usually an hour or two. By
that time both parties are calm, and the
one is judicial, the other receptive. The
child never goes from the scene of punish
ment until it has been loved back into hap
py-helrtedness and joyful spirit. The
spanking is never cruel one, but is always
an honest one. 1t hurts. If it hurts the
child imagine how it must hurt the mother.
Her spirit is serene, tranquil. She has not
The support which is afforded by anger.
Every blow she strikes the child buses her
own heart. The mother of my children
adores them there is no milder term for
it; and they worship her they even wor-
ship anything which the touch of her hand
has mad sacred. They know her for the
best ana truest friend they have ever had,
or ever shall have; they know her for one
who never did them wrong and cannot do
them wrong who never told them lie,
nor the shadow of one who never deceived
them by even an ambiguous gesture; who
never give them an unreasonable command,
nor ever contented herself with anything
short Of perfect obedience who has al
ways treated them as politely and consider
ately as sho would the best and Oldest in
the land, and has always required of them
gentle speech and courteous conduct toward
all, of whatsoever degree, with whom they
CHANGED to come in contact they know
her for one whose promise, whether OF re.
ward or punishment, is gold, and always
worth its face to the uttermost farthing. In
word, they know her, and I know her, fol
the best and dearest mother that lives land
by long. LONG way the wisest.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18


I" Dear me '' SAID the Brentwood Rocker,
YEARLY, " can't you find some other time
to practice and can't you play something
beside the Maiden's Prayer and can't you
play it with little less vigor2 My nerves
are so unstrung you drive me wild" ~
would talk about nerves if were YOU"
said the Piano, severely, latter having a
wrestling match with master all over this
parlor at 2 o'clock in the morning. You
broke two vases, upset the fish globe, tore
the portiere and scratched one of my carved
le-" "Ahem p coughed the modest OF
toman, who had none, and the Piano went
on" and at daylight the servants picked
him up under the hall table, and found you
1T the foot of the stairs. would talk about
nerves If were you" And all the rest
of the furniture scornfully exclaimed, Yes,
nerves !" and the poor Rocking Chair tried
to hide its long rockers, and cried under
its tidy, while the remorseless piano just
banged artificial thunder out Of Wash
ington Crossing the Rhine. "-Burdette.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
POETRY.
From Gresn.To Geld.

Frem Green.Te Geld.
The tree in stately beauty stood
Through all the summer days,
A noble picture Of the wood,
Which caught the burning rays
And silent dropped the grateful shadow down
To bless the weary OF the heated town.
With viewless hands the darkest green
Was woven In Its robes,
And there beneath the flowing sheen,
II beautihed the globe,
While on It's crest there came from morn,s return
A flash OF splendor from her dazzling urn.
And grand 1t looked with kingly crown
As onward wheeled the sun,
And poured his beam OF fulgence down
To ripen in his run
The leaves which ventured when the skies were
cold,
And then in silence passed from green to gold.
1t was beneath the light and rain
1t took this wondrous change;
Its foliage showed the carmine stain,
And soon, how rich and strange,
From gorgeous paints the palette holds with care,
1t broke in flame, and stood In glory there.
From summer bloom to autumn glow,
With ripeness In the fields;
The lesson comes, with winds that blow.
To man who gladly yields
To laws OF culture, by experience told
To pass in life, with love, from green to gold
-. Hazard HartzeM
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
Ant Distinctions.

A German critic thus distinguishes be-
tween ridicule, wit, irony, and humor ::
Ridicule is the wit of a stupid or vulgar
person; wit the ridicule of a superior intel
lect or man Of tho world; irony the wit
of thinker, and humor the irony Of poet.
Ridicule is like blow with the fist, wit
like the prick of needle, irony like the
sting Of thorn, and humor the plaster
which heals all these wounds.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
Mexican Debtor..

A creditor in Mexico can have debtor
arrested ON the day the debt falls duo. The
prisoner is chained to post Ave days,
guarded by an officer. At the end Of the
time, If the money is not forthcoming, the
mans labor is sold to the government for
forty cents day for as many days as will
be necessary to discharge the obligation.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
No waste IA Cotton.

The hulls of the cotton seed are now
worked up in cakes and sold as kindling
wood in grocery stores in the South. The
cake from which the oil has been extracted
IL o good stock food and fertilizer, and the
only things about this economical product
that are not put to renumerative use seem
to be tho smell and the noise made in the
factory.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18

Don't forget Louden's Shoes. He
will sell you hand or machine made of his
own work. Cor. Main and Coryell streets,
Lambertville. Jy Is.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18
MARIORIES LAST CHANCE.

1t was yellow September day upon
which we all moved into the old house at
Bubbleton-one of those days that lend a
glamour to the saddest scene, and positive
ly idealize the glories of our American au-
tumns. The hills were yelled in soft violet
haze,-the road was carpeted with red and
yellow leaves, bland sunshine stepped
everything in warmth and brightness, and,
out in. the old-fashioned garden, the pears
hung like pendants of gold, and the blue
plumes rained down ON the ground when
ever light breeze shook the boughs, while
the air was full OF the pleasant scent of rip
ening grapes. How we four girls raced up
and down under the trellised arbors how
We pelted each other with the heavy-headed
dahlias and chased one another down to the
very edge of the little brook that gurgled
over its bed of messy stones, and laughed
shrill answer to the angry chatter of the dis
comfted whose store of nuts we stole
Andthen the house, the big solitary
rooms, the quaint three-cornered clos
cts, the old-fashioned wainscoting, the
passages that led nowhere and the doors
that opened on blank walls; how like
fairy story it all wasl
Delightful" pronounced Sara, when al
last the dreamy dusk had fallen over oil,
and We were gathered around fire of blaz-
ing sticks in the great chimney of the room
which we decided must have been the 90 best
parlor of the dead-and. gone gentry who
had once inhabited Bubbleton Grange.
:" mean to write a piece of poetry about
the broken sun-dial in the flower garden
said Nina, sentimentally.
Z" / wonder which room would have the
best light for my EASEL unused Helen, the
artist of the family
6 But you must remember, girls !" said l,
hugging my knees and staring ecstatically
into the fire, " that if it hadn't been for me,
you would never, any of you, have crossed
the threshold of Bubbleton Grangel"
:" think" said Sara, sarcastically, tina,
we must vote Marjorie medal as the phi.
lanthropist of the family"
" We must bear In mind, observed Nina,
aptly following Saras lead, "that, if it
our younger sister, who would neither be a
scholar, shop.girl, nor an srtist, Aunt
Pauline never would have brought us to
Bubbleton.n
Exactly" said ], not in the least dis
comfted by this sisterly raillery, to which ]
was accustomed.
=" But do you think. Margorie," said
gentle Helen, that you can manage the
bees ?"
" With a netting mask and gloves, yes
said l.
mean, to make profit out of the bust
ness" explained Helen.
"0h, don't know" said l. a never
made profit out of anything yet But bee
culture is full of possibilities; at least, so
the Manual says. And there are four or FIVE
rows down at the foot of the garden, with
at least dozen hives in every row. Sup
pose each hive to net five dollars sea-
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-11-18

Buy your Hats, Umbrellas, Cabas,
&C., of STAIeEn, Masonic Temple, Tren-
ton, NJ. April29-tf
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16
The Story of Vesuvius.

A little more than eighteen centuries
since, the form of the mountain was
totally different; its height was proba-
bly, some hundred yards less than at
present, it's outline blunt, truncated
cone, having wide crater at the sum
nit; no eruption in the memory of
man had disturbed the peace of the
district; scarce tradition of such an
occurrence appears to have fingered.
The floor of the crater was overgrown
with brushWood and trees, its walls
were festooned with ivy and the wild
vine. Once only does it become promi-
nent in history, when the Capuan
gladiators sheltered themselves for a
while in this natural hill-fort, from
which under command of Spartacus,
they escaped to begin the servile war.
In the year 70 of the present era there
was a change; earthquakes agitated
the neighboring district, and at the
last imprisoned fires broke forth.
From the crater of Vesuyius huge
dark cloud rose into the air, spreading
itself out like great pine tree; pres
emily hail of redhot scoria came
rafting down over the TANKS of the
mountain, and as night fell the cloud
grew larger and darker, and the shower
Of stone became thicker, heavier, and
more widely spread. All night long
he darkness for many miles was rem
Tered blacker still by the thickly-fall-
ne scoria, though illuminated at in
ervals by lurid CLEAN from the
mountain, and rendered yet more
lwful by the incessant earthquake
shocks. Morning dawned at last, and
alter still the air cleared; half the an
.ient crater-wall had vanished, leaving
the fragment which now bears the
lame Of Somma, while beneath its
.uins Herculaneum, Pompeii, and
;tabe lay buried, and the ground. even
It Misenum. was white as snow with
he fallen ashes. Picturesque Etrope.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16
The Power of Abstraction.

According to one of his friends.
Victor Hugo wrote ''Notre Dame"
during the revolution of 1880, while
bullets were whistling across his
garden and barbados were being
erected almost al his door. ''He shut
himself up in one room, locking up
his clothes lest they should tempt him
to 90 into the streets, and spent the
whole of that winter wrapped up in
a big gray comforter writing against
time to complete his work for the LIST
of February, 1881" The author of
work on French political leaders tells
us that Victor Hugo wrote that terri
bly pathetic drama, lie Roi S Amuse,"
during the instruction. The first act
was written in four days. As he lived
near the Tuileries garden, he was
accustomed to walk there under the
trees and compose his verses as he
walked. One day, when hard at
work on a monologue, he was inter-
rupted by riot, whose angry waves
penetrated almost to his peaceful re-
treat and compelled him to take
refuge in neighboring arcade. The
tide of battle followed him. and the
ROtts lOAGGlIlAl2 Ills NCloOSs AIstI "
behind some columns for protection.
Mrs. Somerville had, to some extent,
the same power of concentration, and
became so absorbed in her task as to
be unconscious of what was going on
| around her. DIR. Somerville told
| Harriet Martineau that he once laid
| wager with friend that he would
abuse Mrs Somerville IN a loud voice
to her face and she would take no
notice, and he did so. Sitting close to
her, he contided to his friend the most
injurious things -tnat she rouged,
that she wore a wig. and other such
nonsense, uttered in a very loud voice.
Her daughters were in roar of
laughter, while the slandered lady
sat placidly writing. At last her
husband made a dead pause after her
name, on which she looked up with
an innocent, 'Did you speak to
mep"-AH the Year Round,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16
Iron Rule in Cuba.

The Spanish masters of Cuba main
tain an iron rule. Every man, it is
said, who expresses sentiment not
strictly loyal to the Spanish authority
is arrested and imprisoned. Conspir-
acy is punished by dungeon confne-
ment or death, and this practice has
gone very far to encourage people not
to talk politics. OF frequent notice
in cafes and other public places is a
conspicuous plaoard bearing the signi-
ticant legend: please do not talk
politics here's" and whenever you
meet him, whether at home or abroad
the prudent Cuban, if he values his
life and liberty, or is possessed of con-
fiscatable property, keeps his political
opinions to himself. The newspapers
are all subjected to censorship, the
telegraph offices are under surveil.
lance of the police. and it is even said
that the mails are often examined fol
reasonable documents.-St. L0ut'
Globe Democrat
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16

me such question" she replied, APP
preaching the chair where / sat an,
taking my hand. ''Would it not b
ungrateful in me to desert you so soon
or to ever desert you ?'
''She's got more sense than an OLE
woman right now," said the host, ad
dressing his wife. ''Our twenty-eigh
year old daughter that married las
month amt patchin' to this girl"
'W'y, Jesperson, said his wife, il
mild censure, Margaret amt twenty
eight years old"
"She's mighty nigh it,
"An' besides that" continued tn,
woman, ''she never had no chance"
Didn't 90 TO school three month
Outen nearly every year, eh ? VIVA
show does a gal want, I'd like t,
know This little creetur, | warran
you never has been to school,"
'fOh, yes, sir. My whole life ha.
been a school. The old house where
used to live contains many books. L
you want them you may 90 there anC
get them. shall never go after them
| could never read them again"
''Well, blast my buttons if | dom
mosy up that way. | amt much of 6
scholar, but l reckon / can worry
through with lot of them"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16
CHAPTER III.

The war came on. How natural it
is, in writing a story, to say The war
came on" but this is not a story, and
nothing can be more natural than
truth-althOugh it IS said to be strang-
er than fiction. Therefore, when say
that the war came on, intend
that the declaration should have it's
full meaning. | left home full of pride
| was a captain. My mother prayed;
but Munette did not seem to be very
much affected. Good bye" she said.
''War is one of the incidents of civili-
cation, as well as feature of bar
barity. | know that you will do your
duty, and that you will not forget the
little girl whom you once saw sobbing
under the hand of dying man. When
you return, shall be old enough to
kiss you"
| looked at her in astonishment
Merriment spakled in her eyes.
You don't like to kiss children, it
seems"
''Munette, you are strange. l once
said that did not kiss you because you
looked like a woman"
''Oh, yes, that is true. Thought that
you did not want to kiss me because |
was so small There now, captain,
don't swell up like toad"
turned away. She called me, when
| was about a hundred yards away
and said: When you pass the big
gate, look on the right hand post"
did so and found the words, Il
love you" Under this 1 wrote, "And
| love you"
| did not receive but one letter from
Munette, and that might just as well
have been written by a professor of
geology, for its four pages were de-
voted to a description of lot of peb-
bles she had found in a cave.
returned home ragged and i'll. Mu-
nette was delighted to see me. She
was so peculiar. though that [ could
not tell whether or not she still Logged
me. 1t seemed that she did not, for
Whenever / attempted to remind her
of it, she changed the subject. Like
all true lovers, | felt that without her
my life would be blank. | spoke to
my mother concerning my trouble.
''She is very strange girl, but |
always found her frank, except when
| asked her if she loved you, and she
replied that the hawks had carried off
three of the dominicker hens chick
ems"
One day, in passing the big gate, l
wrote on the post the following:
''Will you marry meP'
Two DAYS afterwards / visited the
place and found the word yes"
Without further communication, ex-
cept to appoint the time by post" we
were married. | did not find her dis
position to be peculiar, only in the in
tensity of her love for me. "Why did
you treat me so?'' one day asked her.
"The dominicker has a great deal of
trouble with her Chickens" she re-
piled Shortly afterwards. when she
thought that l was not looking. she
threw back her head and laughed
Opie r. Read. IN ArkanSGt0 TrdUeLer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-04-16
Comparative Longevity of Men
and Women.

The San Francisco Record says of the
relative longevity of men and women
the following: Interesting resources
concerning the comparative longevity
of men and women in Europe have re-
Gently been made by the director of the
bureau of statistics at Vienna. From
these it appears that about third more
women than men reach advanced age.
Women oftener lead quiet, regular lives.
They have few bad habits, are
less exposed to strong passion and
excitement. 1t appears from the
gathered statistics of the world,
says the Modern age, that women
have greater tenacity of life than men.
Nature worships the female in all its
varieties. Among insects the male
perishes at relatively early period. In
plants the SENATE blossoms die earliest,
and are produced in the weaker limbs.
Female quadrupeds have more endu-
rance than males. In the human race,
despite the intellectual and physical
strength of man, the woman endures
longest, and will bear pain to which the
strongest man succumbs. Zymotic dis
eases are more fatal to males, and more
male children die than females. Dever
ga asserts that the proportion dying
suddenly is about 100 women to $50
men; 1850 men in the United States
in 1870 committed suicide to 285 wom-
en-. lntemperance, apoplexy, govt,
hydrocephalus, affections of the heart
or liver, scrofula, paralysis, are far
more fatal to males than females.
Pulmonary consumption, on the
other hand, is more deadly to the latter,
which argues that we ought to give the
girls of our families all the outdoor ex-
ercise that they need Females in cities
are more prone to consumption than in
the country. All old countries not dis
turbed by emigration, have a majority
of females in the population. In royal
families the statistics show more daugh
ters than sons. The Hebrew women
is exceptionally long-lived, while the
colored man is exceptionally short lived.
DIR. Hough remarks that there are from
two to six per cent more males born
than females, vet there is more than
six per cent excess of females in the
living The rush and worry of
the average business man in this country
is apt to make him prematurely old,
unless he takes judicious recreation.
The females are to great extent ex-
empt from this over-straining about
business cares, which may, in a degree,
account for their superior vitality"
There can be no doubt but that in the
last sentence of the above there lies
the kernel of the true difference in the
United States between the longevity of
men and women in this country. More
than one close observer noticed that
last summer and fall many men died
from the over wrought pressure brought
to bear upon them who promised under
more favorable circumstances to live
for many years.