The true northerner., 1885-10-08
HUMOR.

Paul who says that when he breathes
his last it will be awl over with his sole.
st. Paul Herald.
DID you ever really know woman
too busy to run to the parlor window
to look at neighbor with new bon
net?-FaH RiUcr Adrance.
"OF course you believe he loves
her?" I'm not so sure about it"
"Why not?" why, ding it all,
he wants to marry her!"-Chicago
Ledger.
EXPERIMENTS are being made to coin
money out of quicksilver. 1t is hoped
that they will get some kind of money
that will hurry subscribers little
Newman Independent.
LARD may be weak and cheese be fiat
And eggs go for a song
But the man who deals In butter laughs,
For buffers always strong.
-BostOn Courier.
"THEY didn't pick that stuff quick
enough, did they, mammal" asked a
little boy as he passed grocery where
several cakes of Limburger were taking
breathing spell outside.-Brookly's
Times.
Il KNOW what makes it yain, man.
ma" said little toddler during q
shower on a hot day. "And what do
you think it is that does it, darling?' Il
dess it's bod twettin' Chicago
Ledger.
PROF. PROCTOR says that without
water there can be no volcano" "That
may be (hic) so," said old Beasley;
"and without whisky there (hic) would
be fewer eruptions--at home. Nor
ristoWn Herald.
Il CAN'T say as he went to heaven"
remarked a Fort Scott citizen. of de-
ceased townsman, "but he paid bill
OF eleven years standing the day be-
fore he died, and you can Judge for
yourself. "-.Tecas Siftings.
TABLEAU-Mother with bad boy
bent-across her knee. Slipper in
her hand, which she surveys intently.
ecitative-meditative Um, um.
This looks to be very well adapted to
the end in view-Merchant Trdreler.
Il AM going to husband my re-
sources" said an indulgent mother to
a worthless son, who was worrying her
life by demanding money. Il think
you had better husband some of my
sisters" was the curt reply Carl
PretzePs Weekly.
AN exchange notes: "Many we'll
meaning people neglect the payment OF
bills, not because they are too stingy
to pay or have not the means to do So,
but merely because they do not realize
how convenient it would be to those to
whom the money is due. ."-Yonkers
Gazette.
Miss EMMA NEVADA" it is stated,
recently kissed 800 girls in San Fran
CISCO" Well, that is nothing to brag
of. When we were young man-re-
member we emphatically state the time
we kissed 400 young girls, and we
didn't go to California to do it either.
Whitehall Times.
"Do YOU have your chickens sent
you from Tennessee?" asked O new
boarder of an Eighth avenue landlady.
"No, sir; / get them down in the mar
ket. Why?" "Oh, nothing; only 1
read this morning that hens in that Sec
tion of the country are never killed un-
til old enough to vote. That's all.
Nelo York Morning Journal
A CATASTROPHE.
Only a cyclist gigantic.
Astride of a sixt, Inch wheel.
| Eyeing sidewise maiden romantic
AS he drives on his swift steed OF steel.
Only poor little tabby,
| Sinking slyly across the smooth street,
Her notified fur dirty and shabby,
Out she darts from beneath the girls feet.
Only a sky-rocket header.
| While the maiden just stands still and stares:
| poor feline, VINO couldn't be deadcr,
And n whopping old bill tor repairs
-SOmerUtte Journal
WHEN Eli Perkins was in Little
Rock, and while he sat in the rotunda
of the hotel, relating his experiences,
an old farmer who had been an atten-
tive listener arose, sighed wearily, and
remarked to friend: "Come on, Sam,
let's go. I don't know that mans
name and 1 don't want to hurt his
feelin's, but blamed if / don't believe
that he's the worst cut-and-dried liar ]
ever saw. Come on or he'll fetch the
rheumatic back on me so bad I can't
hobble. ."-ArkGnSdlC Irareier.
REPARTEE.
They were lunchng one day,
In handsome cafe,
And she happened to say,
| AS she noticed the way
That he and icecream were in unity.
Can you cat ice cream with impunity?-
And ne made the reply,
With wink of the eye,
NO, k1t can with spoon"
But her triumph came soon;
As they left the saloon,
He gave her q good OF portunity;
And now, Bessie, dear,
! As the weather is clear,
Can you take walk with impunity?"
Her smile was as bright as the moon,
And deliciously shy
Came the mockng reply,
mo, but can with a SPOON"
Ben Wood DoUis, ~. nite.
The Old Virginians.
T. Ill Al - ork~~