Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-02-26
WIT AND HUNIOR.


berS who do not talk too much are most
popular and prosperous.
Day-after Christmas editorial in New
York J0urnaI, short but powerful:
Empty is the pocket-book, money S
gone.
Mrs. ingalls, says that woman is a ST.
lent power in the land. That viii be
news to thousands of husbands Roc
burg AdUoc0te.
''Sweets to the sweet, - snickered the
dude, as he passed the young lady
boarder the sugar. Like cures like, -
she replied, handing him the cold veal.
A New Hampshire shoemaker makes
squeaky shoes to order, and has all the
work he can do. They are ordered by
men who have peWs near the pulpit,
and plan to come in late.
No. said an old maid, Il don't
miss a husband very much. / have
trained my dog to growI every time 1
feed him, and [ have Just bought a
clOthing-stOre dummy that can scold
when [ feel like it
A photographer recently acted as
master of ceremonies at q friends fun
eral, and, as he lifted the coffin lid for
the mourners to look at the remains,
whispered to the corpse: ''Now, look
natural" Force of habit.
Judge (to female prisoner)-"You
have blinded your former lover by
throwing vitrioI into his eyes. What
have you to say to the charger" Prfs-
oner-''It squite simple, your Worship.
He told me he didn't want to see me
again
A reminder: ''Yacob, Why you don't
your hat got taxed off When somepodies
der house gone imp 81 fongot, fader."
''You fongot, eh? I give you some
dings What make you don'd fongit to re-
member what you fongot, haint it? [
knock in dot headt some, don'd fongit,
What meier don'd gone agin out!'
"sAh, Mrs. Crimsonbeak, " said young
Miss Fussenfeather, after conversing
with that lady's husband at the must
Gale the other evening, Give foundyour
difficult thing to do" replied Mrs.
Crimsonbeak, indifferently "Come
around to the house any time of night
and you'll always find him out
'<Nhat are you doing, pet?' II am
studyin' my Sunday ooIlesson. " els
it hard?'' Its awful hard. Here's a
question can't answer. 1t says, who
was it said all men are iars?' Do you
know who it was, PAP" Yes; it was
David" David! How did he come to
say that, pap" "Well, I don't know,
pet. Maybe he was running for Office"
The Philadelphia Record relates this
tale of Friendville: A gentleman was
one day relating to Quaker a tale of
deep distress, and concluded by saying:
81 could not but feel for him. - ''Verily,
friend" replied the Quaker, ''thou didst
right in that thou didst feel for thy
neighbor; but didst thou feel in the
right place-didst thou feel in thy
pocket?n
''What can possibly all you, my
man?" asked a gentleman of a very di-
lapidated tramp who asked him for
quarter. care you unable to obtain a
living? You look strong and healthy"
'Ah, sir, suffer from the general over
production" replied the tramp. ''What
overproduction? exclaimed the gen
tleman, in establishment can over
production of tramps. Pjtts6urg
Chronicle.
Ella Wheeler has written a poem on
''The Room Beneath the Rafters,'' in
which she says she ''saW the hornet
come forth from its mUd-Walled house."
Hornets don't affect that style of archi-
lecture to any great extent, but whether
it was hornet or o mudIugger wasp,
our shekels sustain the statement that
the insect had Elias room instead of her
company as soon as it made its first
buzz.-Loa0eU GLASS; Courier.
''Ma," said Johnny, one Saturday
morning, ''where do good little BOYS
go?" ITO heaven, I suppose, g" replied
ma. Il tmean when they're dead"
answered Johnny, in q tone of disgust;
"where do they gowhen they're alive.
ST don't know" remarked the mother,
absently, 81 suppose they stay at home
with their mammas." "Oh," sad
Johnny, "oh, [ thought maybe their
mammas sometimes took EN- to the thea
ter. +" Johnny's mother caught on.
Ex-soldier-''Ye it is q very remark.
able thing. spent so many years in
the field that it is now utterly impossi.
BILE for me to get good nights rest in
a bed. Time and again / have got up,
gone out into the back yard, wrapped
myself in my blanket, and slept like
top until morning" Ex-policeman-
MY case exactly. When I want a good
nights rest [ have to pat on my old un,
form and lay down on my front door
step"
Jinks-"Ah, Winks! I am glad to see
you set such a good example" Winks
I'm what way?" ''Why, as I passed
your house this morning [ noticed that
your sidewalk was well-sprinkled with
ashes" ooh! you see I'm bound to