Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-04-06

A long face is generally the sign OF
short purse
What kind of paper most resembles
sneeze? Tissue paper.
The mildest hammered men in the world
show their teeth to the dentist.
After all the bean-pole is more useful
to the country than the North Pole.
When man is lost in love he can gen.
orally be found by sending belle after
him.
An exchange asks: 'Can we drink with
impunity?" Certainly you can, if impu-
nifty invites you.
Women do love one another. 1t is on
ly a woman who thinks Of kissing man
for his mother.
While her mother was taking fly out
of the butter, little Daisy asked: "Is
that butterfly, mammal"
When concern fails in China the debt
or's heads are cut off and thrown in with
the assets. That is the way their cred
itors get ahead of them.
"What is the big corner in pork l hear
about?" asked Laura across the CHEEKY
tea-table "The big corner in pork" re-
piled Tom, sis the ham,
Waltham, Me-, has no minister, doctor
or blacksmith. The skating rink gets
along without the minister, but it misses
the doctor and blacksmith.
| s'Oh, don't propose to me here!'' eX-
claimed a young lady, whose lover was
about to pour out his avowal as they were
riding by corn-field. ''The very corn
has ears"
Dio Lewis says he had no difficulty in
getting into bar rooms in any part of
Iowa. The difficulty in Iowa bar rooms
is not in getting in; it is the getting of
the genuine Kentucky article.
eyes, sighed Amelia, ''before marriage
George professed to be willing to die for
me, and now he won't even get his life in
sured in my favor" and then the poor
A fop took a seat in car beside a
young lady, but, on perceiving she had a
dog, he moved off with an air of trepida-
ton. "Don't be afraid" she said, with
reassuring look, slip won't bite you !;
he does not like veal"
Speaking of the house of lady who
does not intend to spoil her children by
sparing the rod, somebody remarked how
neat and clean everything was. eyes, y
said Fogg, ''everything is like whacks
works.
Revivalist (to young man lettering near
the door)-"Are you seeking the Lord,
young MANI" Young man (nervously)
-"N-no. am seeking Miss Polly Smith,
! but I can wait until the meeting is over''
DIR. M. E. Wadsworth says the earth
has an heterogeneous viscid, elastic, Ii
quid interior irregularly interlocked with
and gradually passing into lighter het-
erogeneous crust" That is a good def
milton of a cuStard pie.
''My dear wife, this man and I were in
separable friends at college. When one
had no money he always used the pocket.
book of the other; is it not so, Mr.. Mill.
er?"-''Yes, just so; and / remember
very well that 1 was always the other"
ssIf man wants to own the earth
what does woman want?" inquired Mr.
Crap of his better-half, after little fami.
ly matinee few days ago. ssWell, my
DEAR" responded that lady in a gentle
smothering tone, ''to own the man, sup
pose"
gentleman saw a board with 'sThi.
cottage for saif' painted on it. Seeing
a woman in front of the house, he stopped
and asked her very politely when the cot
2 tage "would sail. Just as soon as th'
man comes who can raise the wind" wa
the quiet reply.
''No, papa, do not want to marry yet
What want is aman who does not drink
smoke, go out at night, gamble, bet, owe
:, eat, etc., in short man who has no vice
a apd who is always good,' "My daugh
+ T ter" said Mr.. Dusenbury, '.you are but
e stranger here; Heaven is your home
I We know Heart Disease can be cured wfve b
. cause thousands say ihey have used DR.. Grave