News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-04-30
WIT AND WISDOM.
A RAILROAD strike-a collision.

The type righter--the proof-reader.
NEVER fret; it will only shorten your
days.
NEVER stand long at a corner of
street.
NEVER abuse one who was once your
bosom friend.
NEVER reply to the epithet of fool,
or low fellow.
NEVER speak in contemptuous man
ner of womankind.
NEVER taste an atom when you arenot
hungry; it is suicidal.
HA1LNG cabs is common thing when
1t is hailing pitchforks.
NEVER spend many of your evenings
away from your family.
A cHANoERY court is one in which JUS
tlce has an even chance.
NEVER anticipate too much; disap-
pointment is not pleasant
THE English policy in Egypt-False
Prophets and quick returns.
NEVER speak of your parents as the
"old man" or "old woman"
TIE zone more" drink has made
hundred thousand drunkards.
A GIRL may be a good violin player
and yet not be able to draw a beau.
We propose that the phrase "money
no object" be amended to read "money
no objection"
A POET sings: '"The jocund spring is
here" Yes; we never saw a more
ioakin' spring than this.
PROFESSOR "Mention an oxide"
Student: Leather" Professor: "OxH1
of what 2" Student: "Oxide of Beef"
Exit Professor.
AK old friend is not always the per-
son whom it is easiest to make conf
dant of; there is the barrier of remem-
bered communications under other CIR
cumstances.
HE was ikable man; weet-tenpered,
ready-witted, frank, without grins of
suppressed bitterness or other CONVERSE
tional favors which make half of US an
affliction to our friends.
LAFAYETTE had great mind, and he
knew what he was doing when he as
sisted the United States. France is
now getting large supplies of canned
frogs from this country.
WE often think we are of great i'm
portance to other people; that they must
be thinking of us and our affairs; that
they watch our actions and shape their
course accordingly. In general we are
quite mistaken.
The craze for lady BARRIERS is dying
out. After a man has his face cut bias.
his throat shirred and his hair pompa-
doured and been talked to death, he
naturally returns to the male barber and
takes chloroform.
"WHY do bees make wax ?" asks a
farm journal. We do not know, unless
it is because no one has told them that
the honey manufacturers are willing to
make it for them out of parafine.-
Philadelphia Call.
In fashionable novel the author
says: "Lady Emma trembled, grew
pale, and Immediately tainted" The
printer, putting "p' instead of 'f,"
rendered it, "The lady grew pale, and
Immediately painted
AN agricultural journal says: "Spring
is the best time in the year to move
bees" 1t may be; but if bee settles
on your neck, or any other portion of
your anatomy, in the fall, don't wait un-
til the spring to move it.
A DGGMATICAL spirit inclines man to
be censorious of his neighbors. Every
one of his opinions appears to him
written, as it were, with sunbeams, and
he grows angry that his neighbors do
not see it in the same light
! ing Providence for leading grocery
firm to put large and luscious looking
oranges right out on the sidewalk and
label them: "Do not fail to try these
oranges; they are very nice.
The spirit of Iiberality is not merely,
as some people imagine, a jealousy OF
cur own particular rights, but respect
for the rights of others and an unwil-
lingness that any man, whether high or
low, SnOulu De HIOIS0u VI AaA PASS
under foot.
A PITTsBURG girl had her bangs blown
off in an explosion, and the company
settled with her for $25. Bangs must
be high down that way. Up here you
can get whole rink full of bangs for
two shillings, and the music thrown IN.
-DansUiile (M ~ Breeze.
"MADAM, can you tell me why women
stop in the middle of street crossing to
talk ?' 81 suppose they do it for the
same reason that a man rushes at the
top of his speed to get across the track
in front of a train of cars, and then
stands and watches. the train go by"