The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-11-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

swers: Not prepared. - Yale Neaos.
.Tiberus. at his death. left S13,-
624, 600. which Caligula spent in less
than twelve months" Mrs. Caligula
evidently read the dry-goods advertise
ments Louisville Courier-Jo4rnat.
Those who have tried it say that
they would rather be struck three
times by lightning than once by a
lightning-rod peddler; and yet some
people think that lightning hurts
NeUma,a IndeDendent
In Cincinnati the restaurant-keepers
have powder that they sprinkle over
small oysters, causing them to swell;
and you will often meet young men in
Boston who seem to have been sprink-
led with this same powder.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
A learned Professor who was asked
the question, What is cholera?" re-
Piled: Cholera is a poisoning by
uramia, by cholamis, by extractiha-
mia; analogous to what is produced by
ptomaines, analogous to cholera
stibie' or to cholera arsenical. "
mighty poor dogs sometimes make
fine sausage-meat. :" This shows how
far the education of dumb brutes has
advanced within the past few years.
We have no doubt that in time dogs
can be hired to perform many OF the
mental duties for which we are now
obliged to pay high wages.-burlsng-
ton Free Press.
81 don't see why pennies were in
vented" said New York banker, who
had received few in change.
''Oh, that's easily accounted for. !"
remarked friend from an adjacent
city; pennies were invented to enable
New York millionaires to contribute
toward the erection of public monu-
ments. "-Boston Globe.
A burglar who attempted to enter a
house in Sacramento was caught fast
in the window; and the woman armed
herself with potato-masher, drew up
a chair, and sat there and tapped his
head for half an hour before calling the
police. She said she had always just
ached to pound a man all she wanted
to.-St. Louis Post Dispatch.
Milkman: johnny, did you put
water III tu0 Lulih tuio lhOi hihS' A'S"
assistant: Yes. sir" did you
know that is wicked, johnny" "But
you told me to mix water with the
milk" '.Yes, but l told you to put
water in first and pour the milk into
it. Then, you see, we can tell the peo-
pie we never put water in our milk. "
Albany argus.
The class in meteorology at the Uni
versity OF Texas was up for examina-
ton.
HAS the mean temperature increas-
ed or fallen off during the last three
centuries?'' asked the professor.
Professor, l can't remember any
thing that happened so far back.
only entered the university last year. "
-Ieras Syttngs.
One of the new members of the
Georgia Legislature kept quietly in his
seat for three hours on his first day in
the House, and then timidly approach
ing doorkeeper said in whisper: 81
-I-I-say, I'd like to go out, if-ii
you don't k-keer, I-I-won't be gone
but about ten minutes" The door
keeper let him out.
Times are pretty hard with some Of
the small brokers in the new Board OF
Trade district. A deaf and dumb man
went into an office in the Open Board
of Trade building the other day and,
Selling piece OF paper. wrote:
81 am hungry"
The broker took the piece of paper,
read the unhappy words and scrawled
under them:
80 am L. Chicago Herald.
Hearing a noise at night, Jones de.
scends with a lighted candle and dis.
covers a burglar escaping with full
sack Hello" he cries. Come
back. you" Ell, what?" returns the
burglar. 'Ah, yes-the silver candle.
stick Permit me-" He takes it from
the hand of the astonished Jones and
puts it into his bag. Ten thousand
thanks. Have l forgotten anythine
else"-London lid Bits.
Young mani came in answer tc
the advertisement" Dentist-"Are
you of a cheerful disposition?" Sir
l could laugh at a funeral and play
checkers in graveyard" II thinb
you'll do. | want young man OF
good address to issue forth from the
walls, looking as if he enjoyed it.
thin k it will tend to encourage the real
victims. "-PAilade!phia Gail.
Chief of Detective Bureau-You wish
employment on the force, Ell? How
would you proceed in a delicate inter
view?
Applicant-Oh, I'd skirmish adroitly
for while; then, when had succeed
ed in arresting his attention, l would
That will do. sir. You can consid-
er yourself engaged. Hang me if !
don't want man on my force who
can succeed in arresting something OF
other. "-Phttadelphia Cali.
The passenger from Pennsylvania
was complaining of business down his
way. Everything dull.
1.-Two years ago." he said, Il wen,
into the oil regions with $4,000. Day
before yesterday l pulled out with
$3.50, and am going West to get me a
farm"
You didn't invest very wisely, did
yoo' iSiai hOu tuC pdSScu-
ger.
No" replied the Pennsylvania,
sadly, mot wisely, but in two wells. "
Chicago Herald.
The New York Tribune, in comment
ing on the recent horse swindle in
Boston, tells the following anecdote:
'The late Tom Appleton of Boston
once offered horse for sale, and stat
ed in the advertisement that the only
reason he parted with the animal was
that he wished to leave Boston. 1t
turned out that this nice family horse
of Appleton's invariably became balky
when he reached bridge, and MS
owner could not leave Boston withou
crossing bridge"
An Augusta dentist was at work on
set OF false teeth when the writer en-
tered his sanctum the other day.
These teeth" he said, shave a pc
cuiiar history. l made them tor a
young lady in Belgrade. She died On
her deathbed she gave the set Of teeth
to her most intimate friend This
fy-,o, L. ~