Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1885-07-18
supposed 10 BE- punng

What free-bofn American would have
stood on barrel on the public square
twenty years ago and predicted that the
day would yet come when every grocery
in the land would brazenly tack up the
sign Of Don't Ask for Crediti
"Aunty, have you seen the money-box
George gave me last Christmas" mo,
Willie; but ! suppose its one Of those
YOU can get the money out off," 81
don't know, auntie, because you see !
haven't been able to get any money
into it, was the suggestive reply,
Ny friend, if thou woulds, have
knowledge Of men, take all thy
possessions, even unto the uttermost
shekel, and enjoy myself in the
entertainment OF each and every one
who will gratuitously partake Of thy
bountiful goodness. This, so long as thy
purse shall last. Then, when thou hast
spent thine all, shalt thou have great
wisdom, for thou shalt have learned
that for what thou gayest
thou shalt find none to offer unto thee
dinner in return; nay, not not SO much
as s,adine.
Two tramps got employment in an
indianapolis hotel. The first day they
reported to the landlady that two gold
watches lay exposed on bureau in
one Of the rooms and requested the
jewelry be removed for fear 1t should
be stolen and the blame attached to
them. The landlady was so delighted
at this proof Of their honesty that she
bought them each new suit of clothes.
The tramps were so delighted they
next day removed all the gold watches
themselves along with everything else
they could lay hands upon, and cleared
for parts unknown.
We would rise to remark and stand
up to explain this will not be a good
year for silver-mining companies formed
on the wildcat plan. The feeling is
agn EN- An old bull on Wall Street,
who has bought little of everything
ever sold on earth, was saying the other
day: Gentlemen, if man says silver
stock to me he has got to die" "Don't
you believe the prospectusesr "If
President Arthur had his name to one,
and General Grant, Jay Gould and
Rnssel Sage guaranteed the stock worth
twice It's face value l wouldn't pay ten
per cent for it" "But there is paying
silver stock" POSSIBLY; but l should
want to see the hole in the ground; l
shouldwant togo down the shaft; should
want to reach up and knock down half
a ton Of the stuff, carry it to the assayer,
hold cooked revoler to his head, and
have his certificate written on parchmen
before invest dollar. Then, before
| could credit the fact of dividend, l
should want some one to swear l was
sane, two othes to testify was sober,
and fourth man to hold the money
down to the table, SO that it couldn't
blow away" This does not apply to
sugar stocks.
Here is tolerably good ghost story.
There is certain well-known country
house in certain English county which
has the advantage or the disadvantage,
of being haunted. Lately the house
was rather full, and a visitor, an emf
nent London clergyman, was put into
the famous haunted room. His host
did not tell him of the fact that the
room was haunted, thinking, no doubt,
that his religious character would By a
sufficient guarantee against any disflr-
bance of his siumber through visits
from the spirit-world. At the same
time he felt little anxious, and was
greatly relieved the next morning to
find the reverend gentleman at break
fast with as cherry an air of successful
s!umber as possible. The next morning,
and the next, he came down with the
same light-hearted aspect which only
those who have enjc Jed peaceful
dreams can wear AT last the host
thought he might safely mention to his
clerical visitor that he had been sleep
ing in haunted room, and congratut
lated him on having seen nothing out
oil the common. 'Seen nothingW
replied the visitor. ''Oh, stop bit
though l did see something" There
was grave silence round the breakfast
table all clatter was hushed, and every
eye turned upon the speaker. "Yes,yes
of course the clergyman resumed;
F" on the very first night which passed
here was awakened in the middle Of
the night by what seemed like touch
upon my shoulder, and, on looking up,
| saw the figure of man in the ROOM"
Here, to the intense horror Of the whole
company, the clergyman gave a very
correct description Of the particular
apparition which always honored this
room with its wanderlngs "How could
you bear it ?" "What did you do ?"
were questions which Immediately sue
ceeded upon the awe-struck silence.
"Doa" replied the clergyman. "Why,
l aked him for a subscription to my
next Sunday-school picnic, and the
spectre vanished immediately"