News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-02-26
SOME STRAY jokes
FOUND IN THE HUMOROUS COLUMNS
OF THE NEWSPAPERS.
He Succeeded too Well-A Brothers. Pride
-Mexican CustOms-A Fanichy Doctor
The Insurance Man. Etc., Etc.

He Succeeded too weII-A Brothers. Pride
-liexicnn Customs-A Panic4y Doctor
The Insurance HIans Etc., Etc.
SUCCEEDED TOO WE'LL.
'sNow," said the bride, 'Henry,
want you to understand stinctly that 1
do not wish to be taken Tor bride. 1
am going to behave exactly as if I were
an old married woman. So, dearest, do
not think me cold and unloving if I
treat you very practically when there is
anybody by. want you to behave like
an old married man."
The first evening of their arrival the
bride retired to her chamber and the
groom fell in with Wrist party, with
whom he sat playing cards until o'clock
in the morning ,Hisssl.a spent the
weary hours weeping. II last he turned
up an6 met his grief-st5ieken bride with
the hilarious question
'Well, amt L doing Sc old married
man like daisy?'
She never referred to the subject
again, and everybody knew after that
that they had just been married.-.San
Francisco Chronicle.
PANIcKY DOCTOR.
There is story about doctor who
was recently called to fashionable lady
at two o'clock in the morning, and as
tonished his patient by asking her, after
a brief examination, whether she had
made be~ will. He then advised her to
send for her lawyer and perhaps also her
Pastor.
"Must die ?" asked the lady.
81 am afraid SO, was the reply.
GLOW much time do you give me?"
asked the lady, in despair.
"Well," said the doctor, s.if you treat
your family and yourself as you do now
there's no telling what will happen. If
you sleep when you ought to and use
your Judgment you may be good for 80 |
years more. "-BoSton Beacon.
IF LIVING.
In all policies of insurance these,
among host of other questions. occur:
cage of your father, if living ?" cage |
of your mother, if living ?" A man in |
the country who filled up an application
made his fathers age, 'tif living" 112 !
years, and his mothers 102 The agent
waG amazed at this, and fancied he had
aecured an excellent customer; but, feel
iEg somewhat dubious, he remarked that
the applicant came from a very long
lived family.
ooh, you see, sir, replied he, "my
parents died many years ago, but, if
living would be aged as there put
down."
"Exactly-I understand" said the
agent.-B0StOn Gazette.
THOUGHT IT WOULD IMPROVE HIM.
chubby, I've just been reading how
Daniel Webster improved his memory
"'How was it, my dear ?"
"Well, you ses, every night when he
came home he told hisNwife every thing |
he had done during the day; whom he
had met, what he had said, everything
he could think of. By and by he got so
he could remember everything"
"Well ?"
Nothing, hubby, only I thought
maybe you would like to improve your
memory that way"
Darling, do you suspect ?"-
Chicago NeaOS.
QUEER CUSTOMS IN MEXICO.
Mrs. De Blank-"Of all the things"
Mr.. De Blank-"WelI, now what ?"
"Oh nothing. I just happened to
see a curious item about Mexican SER
want who was paid $40, his three months
wages, and Immediately spent $35 of it
for hat, a sombrero, you know"
eyes, Mexican is very proud of his
sombrero. Some of them cost $780,"
"But the idea of a man paying such a
price for hat.
ooh the men in Mexico can easily
afford to do that. The women don't
wear any bonnets, you know. w."-PhiLa.
call.
A YOUNG BROTHERS PRIDE.
Featherly was making an evening call
and had just complimented Miss Smith
upon the beauty of her teeth.
Eyes" interposed Bobby, San they're
all natural teeth, too, an every one of
'em is sound"
'"There. there, Bobby" said his sis {
ter sternly, but her face flushed with s
pleasure, 'little boys should be"
eyes, sir" repeated Bobby proudly.
they're all sound, an pa says that for a !
woman of her age it's quite remark
able"
ROUGH ON THE INSTRUCTOR.
A smart boy at commercial college
had addressed a letter to a firm as
Gents"
"You mustn't do that" said the in ,
structor.
"Why not ?" asked the boy. t
because Gents is vulgar. Don't
you know that Invitations to low balls
are always addressed that way %
"Well, no; I never got one, replied {
the boy, with such significance that the
instructor blushed and hurried on to the {
next desk. .-Mechant Traveller.
HIS LOSS HER GAIN.
Two ladies were discussing their hus
bands, and one had just said that hel
husband had become very cross of late.
"Ah," said the other, with sigh, 81
am sorry to say that mine does not lose
his temper moro than once year.
"And pray why do you say you are
sorry for that ?"
"Because he always makes me a
present of handsome dress after a
uarrel.-Harper'S BaSar.
THE PLACE To SIT.
A countryman and his bride applied
at the box office for tickets.
"Orchestra chairs, parquette or family
circle % asked the ticket seller.
"Whichll it be, Marian p said the
groom.
"Well," she replied, with blush,
''bein' as how we're married now, p'rhaps
it would be properer to sit in the family
circle"
A BLACK EYE.
"Johnnie, have you been fighting Z?
prayeIy incurred Mrs. Mugpins,