Morning journal and courier., 1885-01-10
SOUND DS.

| 1T Say No'' is the title of WilIzie Collins
 new story. Sounds as if the heroine was
 married.-Philadelph Call.
 Because CiIinaman has private cue it l does not necessarily follow that he is an adept at billiards This Is rather far fetched 1 but so is the Chinaman.-Boston Post. l Terrible: Mr. Talmage said to reporter: | ''I have been gathering subjects for my ser l mons for the past twenty-five years and have | enough to last me for one hundred years" | Enquirer asks: ''What would you recom- | mend to do to prevedt growing fat?'' | Come and live at our boarding house. It | has never been known to fail.-Boston Post. ''Well, John, how is business with youH' | Bad, very bad" ''You haven't been able | to make anything, then?'' ''Oh yes I have" /" | EiWhat?' ''An assignment ''Oh.''-Bos- ton Post.
 ''Take the first car forward" said the con- ductor to the man with a cigar in his mouth. ''The engine will do that,' growled the trav-
 eler as he climbed to the platform.-The
 Railway Age.
 A Chicago paper tells about a young lady who was drowned in kid shoes This is a sad warning to those who are accustomed to fool around Chicago girls shoes in damp
 weather. burlington Free Press. Scene in the Chinese war-Captain of iron clad to artilleryman: Do you see that Chi nese general there, about three miles off! Let him have of those eight-inch shells in the eye" Artilleryman, equal to the situa- tion: "Aye, aye, sir; which eye, your honor?'' French Joke.
 Several years ago very aged man died in the State of New York. Mir. Schoonmaker the man who often took charge of funerals managed this, and in giving out the invita- tion at the close of the services said: 'EAll who desire can now have the opportunity of beholding the remains of the oldest man living in Ulster county. y.'-Harper's Bazar.
 A scientist states that bees do not begin to gather honey until they sixteen days old. For sixteen ever-to-be-remembered days, we suppose, they devote themselves to the de- lirious pleasure of crawling up the legs of grangers and bumbling under the skirts of terrified summer boarders. Life is not all time of grinding toll even with busy bees.- Burlington Free Press.
 Papa dear" lisped Sewickley belle yes terday, 'Edo you know there is place in au eastern State that am constantly envy ing?" ''And what attractive spot is that my daughter!' ''It's Elizabeth" responded the ingenious maiden. Explain yourself, my child. My Greek education was sadly neg lected." ''Well, papa, Elizabeth ought to be happy, for it's in a New Jersey all the time" Ere another dawn this damsel had her gar ment and the old man had the bill.-Pitts- burg Bulletin.
 A CuicaSo geHtleIndn WHO Nas a pIoleSsoi of languages moved to Texas and started 8 school. His business fourished so we'll that he was soon enabled to take un o himself 6 better half in the shape of widow with con siderable property. On the morning after his marriage he opened school usual, but did not seem to be in a very hilarious mood. The reason for the Chicago mans dissatisfac- tion leaked out when he dismissed school, for he said: "Young ladies and gentlemen, do not think that you have treated me cour- teously None of you have congratulated me my marriage. When I taught in Chi cago, don't remember of ever having got married 8 single time without my pupils con graduating me on the happy event "-Te2as SiftinQS