davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1885-06-13
Funny Paragraphs.

| - -
hear cats" We don't know about
that. We have always understood
that they hear the biggest CATARACT
in the world.-[Texas Siftings.
A child with three eyes has been
born in Ohio; it will be able to
cast an extra eye to windward for
an Office, but the greatest advantage
Of having three eyes will become
apparent when the child gets old
enough to attend a three ringed
circus Norristown Herald.
A young lady and gentleman
we're driving through the country
when they met menagerie. The
elephants keeper led the animal
to a pond by the rosdside to give
him a drink. 'sDo you know what
the elephant is trying to do'" in
quired the young lady. 'No," said
the young man, "what is be trying
to do?" Trying to pawn his trunk"
was the reply.-[C. Pretzel.
"Will you look me up the origin
of the word rink, papai" Certain
ly, my dear; but why do you wish
me to do SOL" II have taken no
ton to learn roller-skating, and I
have a curiosity to know what the
word rink is derived FROM" "1f
you are going to learn roller-skat-
ing l would advise you to become
acquainted with the word 'equiib-
rium,' for you'll want to know more
about it than about rink when you
put on the rollers"
"A SAD story comes from New
York, which all admirers of manly
pulchritude will regret to hear or
read. According to a Brooklyn pa
per, the former Adonis of the Uni
ted States Senate, now Of the New
York bar, Roscoe Conkling, whose
"turkey-strut" Mr.. Blaine has made
historical, has grown fat, in fact
obese. His attempts to check his
increasing obesity by athletic exer-
cises have proved fruitless. Dumb.
bells, Indian clubs, sand-bags, pc
destrianism, and rowing are in vain.
He is rapidly approaching a condi-
ton in which he will bring down
the beam at 300 pounds. One day
last week, while crossing the City
Hall Park, he dropped silver dol
lar, and was detained several min
utes in his efforts to recover it. He
finally paid small boy ten cents
to pick it up. The DEGREES of fate
are inexorable. New York must
soon exchange an Apollo for a Fal.
staff States.
"A New use has been found for
barbed wire fences. 1t appears
that, during the recent attack of
the rebels on Carthagena, the as
sailing party got tangled in several
lines of barbed wire fence, and
thereby got badly mangled. Burn
side, in his defence of Knoxville
against the attack Of Longstreet, is
said to have used lines of telegraph
wire with good effect against the
assaulting party.
1T is now shrewdly SUSPECTED
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1885-06-13
Buried Alive.

We recently referred to the fac,
that Prescott, the historian, had a
horror of being buried alive, and
left precautionary directions which
were carried out before the BODY
was buried. A writer alludes to
the subject in some remarks worth
quoting: 1t is doubtful whether a
person buried during suspended an
imation could recover consciousness
with the limited amount of air con-
tanned in a coffin. Nevertheless,
that many persons have been pre-
pared for burial, and others prema-
turely buried, admits of no doubt;
probably more frequently after cho-
lera than most other diseases fun
less catalepsy) owing to rapid ex-
haustion. Two or three tests may
be applied, which would suffice in
all cases. Of these electricity is
regarded as absolutely certain. On
the best authority, death is certain
when the muscles have entirely lost
their contractility on the applica-
ton of the Faradaic current. The
continuance of the contractility af-
ter death varies according to the
cause Of death, but never continues
longer than three hours after death.
Hence, if there should be any res
ponse on application Of the battery
after three hours, life is not wholly
extinct, and burial should be for
hidden. Another test is applying
the flame Of a candle to any part of
the body. If it blisters life is not
extinct. Other tests have been pro-
posed, but these are believed to be
the most trustworthy. In view of
the possibility even Of snch dread
full occurrence as premature burial,
ought not undertakes to be re-
quired in all cases to make the test
of electricity, method simple and
inexpensive" = Every Other Sat-
urday.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1885-06-13

1T is now shrewdly suspected
that those "clouds of grasshoppers
and seventeenth-year locusts7 in
the Western fields, are only seen
by fellows who are "long on wheat
and can see things that other peo-
pie fail to notice."
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1885-06-13

AN euterprising publisher in
England, who has remarked that
numbers Of people suffer from an
almost unconquerable repugnance
to letter writing, has prepared a
special post card for the use of lazy
correspondents. The back of the
card is divided lengthwise into ten
equal spaces, and the energies of
the reluctant scribe are spurred by
the following suggestive headings,
one Of which is conspicuously prin-
ted to the left of each of the divis-
ions: l. Date. 2. Excuse for not
having written sooner. 3. State of
health--(a) of self, (b) of family.
4. The writer's recent experience.
5. News. 6. Family gossip. Z.
Questions to be answered in your
next. s. Love to -. 9. Love
from -. 10. Signature.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11
GOT EVEN.
A Peddler's Inhumsnity-The Mills of the
Gods Grind Slow.

A Peddler's nhumanity-Th Mills of the
Gods Grind Slow.
There is a 1sh-peddler in the city
who drives a raw-boncd, half-dead
horse before a rickety old wagon, and
he beats and abuses the equine in a
to call forth the Indignation of
every pedestrian. A dozen times a
day some one threatens to punch the
peddler's head for his cruelty, and a
dozen times the police have hauled
him up. However, nobody felt thor
oughly satisfied until yesterday. The
man was selling fish on Beaub;en
street, and in jumping Off his wagon
he made a slip and fell in such a way
that one leg was caught fast, while his
head hung at the horses heels.
The mills of the gods grind slow. So
do the mills of an old horse. This
animal-this sleepy, humble. patient
and enduring old rawbones-had been
winking his lett eye and biding his
time, and now it had come. The man
had scarcely yelled ''murder!' b~efors*te
old horse socked him one. He was
barefooted, but he had lots of muscle
in his hind legs. After the first kick
he seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, and
he put 'em in hot and heavy. He
wanted to get both feet on the ped
dlcr's head and stand there and medi-
tate, but this could not be accom-
plished. In lieu of it he took a run of
two blocks and put extra muscle into
some OF the kicks.
When the peddler was finally rescued
the most of his hair had been worn Oft
on the ground, the most of his head
had been kicked off by the horse, and
his general appearance would have
been a ticket of admission to any hos
p.tal in the country. They laid him on
the grass aud threw water on him. and
when he could sit up a little and re-
member what had occurred he rolled
his eyes around on the ground AID
said:
''Dot's Why I always pound him SO
much und so hardt. I knows he gets
eaten NIT me if der shance comes.'-
Detroit Free Press. ....
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11
Every precious moment seemed te

Every. precious moment seemed .te
her an hour while she CROPPED along,
trying to find the boat, for this was
her only hope. At last she felt it.; the
tide was rising. and the tapping of the
water against its sides had1ed her to il.
1t was already half afoat A push, .
spring, and she was in. She seized a
pair of the oars. A few strokes, aud
h boat had left the sands. but not q
moment too soon. Her movements had
been heard, and the men rushed down
to the shore. ITO the boat!" was the
CIDER; and to the boat they sprang.
A yell of rage announced the discov-
cry of their loss. Their boat was rid
ing DER the waves some twenty Yards
front shore.
"Fire!" and q vollev rafting over
the water awakened a hundred echoes
among the hollow cliffs.
When the echoes had died away the
stroke Of the oars was no longer heard,
but the sound Of the firing had been
borne far out to sea and when the
moon rose a vessel might have been
e with all sails set speeding away,
until at last her topsail sank beneath
the horizon.
Down the silvery and broad pathway
came another bark, and the pure cold
queen of night looked down upon a face
OF calm. triumphant beauty. The dark
eyes were closed, the sweet lips sealed,
but the moonbeams resting on the un-
bound hair. turned it into a halo OF
glory. A small dark spot on the fair
breast showed in what guise the grim
angel had come to Marie. and the look
of restful happiness on the marble fea.
lures showed how welcome he had
been.
Fare :hee we'll. little Marie: "'twas
a noble sacrifice. - Chicago Tribune.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11
pIrH AND POINT.

Did you over really know a woman
too busy to run to the parlor window
to look at a neighbor with a new bon
net?-FaH River Aduamce.
-Papa-Ethel, you mustn't say II
won't to papa. It's naughty. Ethel
Well, but, papa, what shall / say when
1mean 1 won't?-LDe.
One of the most wonderful facts Of
the present age is the way actors con-
tinue to remain young American
tragedians'' until they are past ninety.
We have long wondered what Ian
guage it was which the mule speaks SO
m~elodiously, and after much study we
are forced to the conclusion that it is
He-bra-ic.-OM CITY Derrick.
-He-''Youdon't sing or play. Them
I presume you write or paint" She
''Oh. no; I'm like the young men we
meet in society. 1 simply sit around
and try to look intelligent. "-Rarper's
Baz0r.
"A young man wants to know If six
dollars a week is sufficient to marry IN.
Certainly if the young lady mas money
enough to support the family. A good
many men marry in this way.-Boston
Transcript.
Prof. Proctor says that at least
$50, 600 meteors fall from the heavens
and strike the earth every holr during
the year. And yet when a nan goes
home with a black eye and a damaged
tile and tells his wife that he was struck
by a meteor she will not believe him.
Chicago Times.
"A simple-minded farmer near Ra-
cine said he would much rather have
his barn struck by lightning than by
thunder, for thunder always tore TIM
Der and lumber so badly. lightning
being satisfied with a small streak Of
damage.-C Chicago Current.
There are some men who can not
comprehend that very frequently in life
the game is not worth the candle. Ben
Jackson was one of them. THAT
makes the tenth match you have struck.
What are you looking for?" asked his
roommate nj evening as Ben was
striking a match and looking under the
table. Il dropped a match and l am
trying to find it" replied Ben.-Teras
.SytiWgs.
-'.Are checks fashionable now?"
asked a highly-dressed dude of his
tailor, as he looked over his goods. II
don't believe they are, SIR" was the
reply. ''for / haven't seen any around
lately" He looked so hard at the
young man when he said it that it
caused an absence in the shop very rap
idly.-BWrtsmgton Hawkeye.
How are you to-day:" said old
Mrs. Badger to Mr.. Simpson, Il heard
you were very sick, and I've brought
you some nice preserves" THAT was
kind Of you,'' replied Mr.. Simpson.
gratefully, '.but I am quite we'll, thank
you. I hope you have not been put to
any trouble" Not at ALL" answered
Mrs. Badger, with honest sincerity.
mot at all. I am only sorry that you
don't have need for them."-M. Y.
Graplhc.
The new postal law is now in eff,
feet and an ounce letter can now be-
sent for two cents. This will enable q
young lady who is writing to a friend
whom she has not seen for ten hours to
tell her all the news on two sheets of
paper, instead of filling one sheet so
full that half a column of the CORE
spondence runs over the margin and,
strikes out criss-cross, cat-a-cornered,
diagonally, and otherwisely over the
pages in order to a W postage.-Nor-
ristoyn Herald.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11
MARIE'S SACRIFICE.
a Touching Love-Tale Of the Nor
mandy of To-Day.

Gillette, on the north coast of France,
can hardly be even called a village.
consisting as it does of only a few fish
'rmcn's cottages, scattered here and
taere under friendly shelter of the
ellis. The inhabitants-hardJ, thrifty
Aormans-spcnd their days and often
nights at the mercy of the wind and
waves in order TO catch the fish they
sell for a few sous in the markets of
%lherbourg. At home their "Bonnes
femmcs" keep all bright and clean.
nurse the r chubby babes, and send up
many a fervent prayer to SAINT Pierre,
the iishermen's patron-saint. for the
SAFETY of those at sea.
In a tiny, whitewashed house, at some
Distance from the other cottages, lived
ia Mere P~outeaux. Her husband,
who had Ian fer many long years in
me little cemetery on the hillside, had
,elt her two sons-Jacques and Jean.
"hen Jean was sixteen years old nc
.oio his mother and brother he had
li'nlIseu the Captain OF q
,essel that he would join him in a trip
TO Spain. The next morningh he started,
WIN his bundle in his hand, to seek his
fortune, as he said. Years passed, and
ION ngwas heard of the wanderer until
le appeared one day as suddenly as nc
nao lett-but not alone. He led by the
-alla a little, brown, gypsy-looking
slfl, with hair lilo b,,rn;chad cold n
,ne darkest of dark eyes-a Wild. I'M
,amed-looking creature. In a few
words Jean told his mother he had
t peen living all these years in Spain;
mere he had married. and there his
nhi1 had died, leaving him this one
v,'Au' Ne meant now, he sad, to take
ap inc old life again; he had seen
.aohgh of foreign folk and fore g1n
%s'us' and would stay ut home with
. OH mother and build q new boat
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11
An Important Question.

For some years past Nose. Schaum-
burg has been trying to get rid OF his
daughter, Rebecca, but not one of the
young Israelites, owing to Noses em-
barrassed financial condition, cares to
lead her to the nuptial altar.
Not long since Moses elder brother,
Jacob Schaumburg, of San Antonio.
came over to Austin on a visit. and one
of the first things he asked was:
'.For Heavens sake. Moses, w don't
Repecca marry somepodyP"
"For Heavens sake, Schacob.' re-
piled Nose. Ivy don't somepody marry
dot RepeccaT"--7sSas .SylimgA
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11

There ha 8 never been a holiday, a
the alter or . circus on the Island OF
Malta.
Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-11

Oul-QfcamS OUT er tno uanciuS
waves
..Come down, Marie, and sit beside
me. l can not 60 to you nor a l
talk to you from here"
The girl left her perch and took the
seat offered her on a large stone, where
Philippe, from his resting-place. could
note every look and change of the mo-
bile face. How dear it had grown to
be to him he scarcely yet knew him
self. Beautiful he had thought her
from the first-wildly, strangely beau.
tiful. The passion in her eyes CLEANED
there still. but it was purified now by
the light of a sweet. womanly, tender
soul; the child had become a woman.
II shall not try your patience much
longer, now, Marie-dear little nurse!
The boat must come in some night this
week. The moon is already in the last
quarter"
There was no answer. and Philippe
added: You will be glad to get ID
of me. l know"
She turned her face to him, aad
what he saw IN those dark orbs changed
his mood. for he stretched out both
hands. and, taking hers, said softly:
.:Marie. darling. shall you miss me?'
and then. beside the solemn sea, was
told again the old, old story-was
turned LIES sweetest page.
The next morning was wet and
stormy; the waves dashed in fury
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22

Rays BY = stronE Company. At
Cheap Prices

mr.. +. A. Owen, manager Of the R.rao,
opera House, has engaged Granite Hall fo,
'ne "noie OF next week, where he will presen,
Tue o'ar Dramatic Company, COMPANY O,
recognized artists, in a repertoire of standard
and popular plavs. The prices are placed
~lhin the reach of all, Admission 10 and %
cehts; best reserved seats 30 cents. The
repertoire for the week is as follows Mondav
evening, the English melo-drama. ..The Ian.
cashire Lass; or, Tempted, Tried and True. !,
iuescay evening, Tom Tayior's grea. comedy
line Iicket-of-Leave Man" Wednesday
evening Buiwer's beautiful play 1.-THE Lady
Oh Lyons" Thursday evening. the Trisb
drama, Kathleen Mavourneep.n Fr;dav
evening, a dramatization of Tennysop'.
Dora" and the roaring farce 1.-The Limerick
BOY. Saturday evening, Robert Nacaire.
ana Handy Andy and Saturday matinee
1.-The Factory Girl" The sale of reserved
seats fer any performance of this week viii,
open at Hunts music store Tomorrow morn.
ing. We take the following from the Hart.
ford, Conn. Post of April z:
At Music Hall last evening the Star D..
matte Company began a two weeks engage
ment to good-sized audience. Every person
IN the cast is an actor of recognized merit in
the profession and therefore it is not to he
wondered at that Charles Reade's excellen,
dramatization of Tennyson's beautiful poem
Dora, was given IN satisfactory manner
NO doub. this theater will be packed night,
during the engagement.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22
GARDINER,

The City Council met Monday evening
The report of the joint standing committee
on finance Of $4,000 for highways. bridges and
sidewalks. $4,000 32 for other departments
OF the city. was amended by adding $500 for
vocal music, and passed its second reading in
both boards. The $1,000 Included in the
sum for streets, and designed for the upper
part of Water street was ordered to be ex.
pended under the direction of the Joint
standing committee on streets The commit
tee on laying out new streets were directed
to ascertain the land damages for laying oul
the and report at the next meeting
A. II. Potter was granted permission to re-
move the scales at the Coliseum and locate
them in the street opposite his office, in
Rogers Block The Mayor was ordered tc
draw his warrant on the contingent fund fol
$50 to Heath Post and 500 to Hildreth Pos
to pay expenses of Memorial Day. The com
mittee on street lights were ordered to make a
contract with the Coliseum Co. for lighting
the streets for SUN not exceeding $1,000
An invitation from Heath Post G. A. r., re.
questing the city counci to participate in the
exercises on Memorial Dav. was accepted in
concurrence. The board of aldermen ap
pointed the following special policemen: L.
G. Mariner, Fred w. Blanchard aud Horace
X. Goodwin. at South Gardiner, and Geo. w
Bussell for the city proper
Miss Mamie Sawyer came very near being
burned to death at the fire on Monday. She
entered the stable loft to see where the fire
was. and the door closed behind
her. Smoke and flame overcame her
so much that it was with difficulty
that she found the door and made her escape
Her face was severely burned
The statement that Mr.. Browns house
caught from burning grass is not borne out
by the facts. Mr.. Sawyer burned pile of
leaves in front of the house, early in the
morning and brushed out all the fire from the
grass. 1t was more than six hours before
the fire was discovered in the stable that he
had his bonfire.
Judge Harrington had a wagon burned ia
Browns stable.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22
BELGRADE.

Mud is the order of the day, though for
the past few days the roads have been drying
I'D very fast and shortly we shall have
good travelling. g.-The first inquiry in spring
is i'm regard to the state of the grass fields.
and the general appearance now is that they
are in good condition, though in some locali-
ties where there has been considerable ice on
the ground there are indications that the grass
has been winter-killed. This can be more fully
determined in few weeks. A large number
of people from this town are attending court
in vour city as witnesses in the Holmes and
Morrow trial in regard to the ownership of
the stage property on the line from this place
To Augusta We have one smart woman IN
this town who carries on a small farm. She
has adopted novel method in regard to milk
ing her cows, and that Is, to milk them
At one o'clock in the morning. g.-There has
been considerable changing of real estate
this spripg, as usual Mr.. LYMAN +. Dolloff
of Mt. Vernon, has bought the farm OF Geo.
w. Robinson. in the west part of the town.
Mr.. Robinson is going to Oakland, where he
has son in trade.-David l.. Page, Esq,
who has been confined to the house ever
since last fall, and who was very low at one
time, is rapidly recovering, and Will soon De
out of doors again, much TO tue 2rauuca'o"
of relatives and friends. maple
sugar and syrup is being made TINS spring.
The season, though late, has been as good as
the average. - Mr.. John c. Taylor
of Massachusetts,. native OF this
town. is talking of erecting corn
factory here. Such an establishment.
would be well patronized and great benent
TO the farmers, especially if the one at OAK
land is to remain idle another season
There are more hay buyers in town this spring
than for several years past, and the CisrS
Bros. of Sidney have been pressing large
amount for the Boston market.-Dr; Crooker
of Augusta, assisted by Dr. Neal oi .n.s
nlace successfully removed a cataract from
the ewes of Mr.. Moses Hersom last week, ana
they were called to consult in regard to the
removal of a cancer from the person OF MRS.
Arseneth Merchant, but they did not thlnS IL
advisable to perform the operation.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22
--a------------
sEirst Glass Goods

In which merit is at once recognized, are
now, and always have been, initiated, espec-
ially the manufactured article After wears
of labor, and the expenditure of fortune
in perfecting and placing before the public
that which people appreciate and demand
some one who never had an original ide a
offers counterfeit or substitute to compete
with the genuine. Curtis Davis & Co, max
ers of the ''Welcome Soap" find the above
true in their case at least. the excellence OF
whose productions are everywhere acknowl-
edged as the STANDARD" of quality, being
initiated in every way that competition can
suggest. But in the use of their goods, the
consumer realizes the full benefit of value
received. Welcome Soap confirms and sus-
tains their great reputation. apr2lt&wIt
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22
City Personals.

Col. DARIUS Alden is on trip to Boston
Mr.. +. p. Mayo of the Skowhegan Reporter
was in town yesterday.
Mr. Frank A Owen of the Bangor Opera
House, was in the city yesterday.
Rev. Mr.. Gledhill, J. w. Harlow and NJ
Mouiton departed for Ocean Point, Yesterday
on cunning expedition.
Alderman E. II. Walker underwent pain
ful surgical operation yesterday, DIR. II. II.
Hill removing tumor from his neck
DIR. J. w. North and family departed on 4
Southern trip, yesterday morning. They
will visit Norfolk, Va, before their return
Rev. c. w. Bradlee and family departed
for Biddeford yesterday afternoon, where
they will attend the Maine Methodist Confer.
ence, which meets Thursday.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1885-04-22
Candidates for West Point and Annapolis

Congressman Milliken has appointed five
professors of Colby University to act as a
board of examiners to select a candidate for
the United States military academy and for
the naval academy. The examination will
be held about June l5, and tho two success
full competitors will be compelled to undergo
another examination when arriving either at
West Point or Annapolis. Young men from
Is to "a years of age, without regard to poll
tical affiliation. can take their chances in the
preliminary examination Mr.. Milliken says
that several of the young men whom he has
recommended to these military schools have
failed in grammar and mathematics at the
final examination, and could not pass.