The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1885-03-10
LOCKS AND KEYS.
The Total Depravity of Illuminate OBJ
jects-The Faculty Of Elusiveness.

One of the hveliest examples of tn.
total deprayity of inanimate objects j.
found in the generally evil and impisf
behavior of locks and keys. We do not
to be sure, in this country subject our
selves to such tyranny of keys as dc
our transatlantic neighbors. The jung
ling basket or bunch of keys is not with
us the indispensable accompaniment to
the housekeeper, nor do we have the
tiny paddock on our silver sugarbOwls,
as Is the case with a certain thrifty Ger
man Baroness with thirty servants un-
der her control. We do, however. have
keys for certain purposes; that is to
say. We have them unless they are lost.
Keys are usually lost. There is about
the very shape and material of KEYS a
peculiar elusiveness and a slippery fac
ulty of hiding in unheard-of places.
The folds of gowns. the Innings of mufiS.
bags and pockets, the edges of rugs and
carpets, cracks in the floor and chinkS
of any and every sort, are the well-be-
loved hiding places of the slippery
gnOme called key. That devourin9
space in the back of a lounge or up
hOlstered chair is particularly dear to
the heart of key is place of conceal
ment, and many are keys, big and lit
tie, which have found their Nirvana in
these useful depths. For the true and
holy delight of key is undoubtedly to
be able to lose itself totally and hope
lessly, and yet all the while to lie perdu
SO near the outer world that it can list
en- with fiendish JOY to the agOniZed
search for itself. and shake its shout.
ders with giee ut the vanity of the
quest.
1t was the wife of the keeper of an
orthodox boarding house in she West
who was kneeling at morning family
prayers with Der head devOutlv bent
upon lounge. and at the instant that
her worthy husbands amen was pro-
nounced sprang to her feet, exclaiming
viyaciOuSly:
There, Mr.. Brown, there is the kew
of the cellar door. Enew l lost it
somewhere about this lounge"
Fancy the genuine disappointment
of that key. which had been lying
chuckling while the family sought it in
vain, at being thus ANONYMOUSLY
brought to light, and that. too. by the
hand of the housewife, who should have
been thinking of other things than
searching the crack of lounge.
Keys, however, although usually, are
not always lost. Sometimes one really
does keep key and then myriad indeed
are the bewildering combinations of
yexation which can be produced by
lock and key which are really giving
their MAIDS to it.
A fsvorite trick is for ones ordinary,
everyday lock, the lock of a desk or
drawer in constant Use, to suddenly be-
come intractable. One can put in the
The key refuses 70 come out of the KEY
hole; 60 twists and turns and wrenches;
one tries drop of oil, a sOupcon of pro-
family, all - no purpose; suddenly with
an alarming snap the key consents to
turn in the lock; nav. more, it will keep
on turning indefinitely round and round
without the slightest effect a. far IS I'M
locking is concerned. One turns it
furiously. one pushes it in slowly. one
tries to draw it out with a sudden jerk.
one breaks ones nails picking at it. At
last the kew comes out with a sudden
ness which sends one violently back
wards. Then the family is summoned.
do come and see if you can do any
thing with this abominable lock. Ii
must surely be broken"
The doubling member of the family
smiles incredulously and takes the key
1t fits into the key-hole and the lock
gives way without murmur.
80 thought there was nothing the mat
ter with the key" says the doubling
member. throwing an unplcasing empha-
sis on key" 1t is quite useless to in
sist that it did refuse to turn; nobody be-
lieves it. and the key quivers with de-
light and the lock thrills with Joy
known only to the successful practical
Joker.
Again, who does not know the awful
yagaries of which trunk lock is caps-
BILE? The refusal TO catch when the
trunk is packed; the refusal to turn,
when one stands by impatiently waiting
the inspection of the Government
official.
Once more, who ever locked with
especial caution door or box against
some intruder that he was not himself
the first person to wish an entrance,
and invariably was without the key?
Latch-keys and locks, too, are sub
Jet to the most bewildering changes.
The keyhole of latch-key has been
known late at night to slip and down
the door with rapidity calculated to
bewilder the brain of the most steady
and sober-minded citizen striving to
gain admittance to his home.
All these various examples. however,
IF the iniquity which is capable of
1welling in locks and keys only prove
what may have been before stated, that
IN impish and tricky soul dwells in
Zach lock and key, and these two are
never so truly happy as when. sepa-
-ately or in evil combination, they are
able successfully to vex frail human
being so that "every part about him