Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-07-17
A NEW EUCLID.

VIEW u
Matchmaking Reduced, to an Exact Sci
ence.
Introduction, +,
Inc art OF matchmaking and eldest
son hunting having been long since re-
duced to a science by the mammas of
fashionable life. it has been thought de-
sirable to emhody the same in writing
for the benefit of posterity; and in ac-
comprising this task the method of
Euclid has been followed, both as one
which will be universally understood
and as showing more clearly than any
other the connection between the sue
ccsslve steps of the science.
Definitions.
l. An undesirable partner is one who
has no town-house, and whose income
has no magnitude.
9. A doubtful partner is title without
wealth.
5. The extremlties of a ballroom are
the best to ilirt in.
4. A bad business is the plain inclina-
ton OF two young people to one another,
who meet together, but are not in the
same circles.
5. When one fair maiden ..sits on
another fair maiden (for Outrageous
f1irting') so rs to make the adjacent
company notice her, each of the listen
ers will call it jealousy, and the fair
maiden who sits on the other fair
maiden will be called "too particular
by them.
s.. An obtuse angler is one who does
not hook an eldest son.
2. An acute angler is one who does
hook an eldest son.
8. A term of endearment is the ex-
tremity of a filtration.
g.. A blue stocking is a plain figure
having nj decided line which is called
her erudition, and is such that when
forming the center of a circle all Young
men will be found equally distant from
that center.
10. A figure is that which is COM
pressed by a more or less confined
boundary.
II. A good figure is that compressed
within al inch of the owners life.
II. Dull partners are such as, being
drawn out ever so we'll in all directions,
do not talk.
Postulates. ssss
Let it be granted:
l. That m eligible young man MAJ
be drawn by skillful management from
any n young lady to another young
lady.
2. That an engagement for one dance
m low he rnl 70 ~,n,Lov ~
dances by a few ibs.
3. That a visiting circle may be ex-
tended to any extent from a West End
square, and may be made to include a
marquis resident at any distance from
that square.
l. If your daughter be married to &
nobody, the match is unequal.
2. Ii your daughter be married to 9
duke, the match is equal.
3. Elder sons are preferable to young'
or o n
4. If wealth be added to younge,
sons, the two are equal.
5. If wealth be taken from elder sons
the two r equal.
6. Two short lines may inclose a pro
posal.
z. If one young lady meets with too
much attention, so as to- make the in,
ferior angels on either side Of her equal
to tearing her eyes out, this conduct, il
continually repeated, shall at length
meet with such reprobation at the hands
of the said angels as shall lead one to
believe that they are not quite angels.
PROPOSITION I.
Problem.
To secure an aristocratic partner by
the help Of a given (finite) number Of
charms.
Let a talent for dancing A, and a
pair of fine eyes B, be the given finite
number of charms. Let d be the arts.
tocratic partner.
1t is required to secure d with A B.
Bring B to bear on an old gentleman
C, whom You know to be acquainted
with d. Tell the decided fb E that
you are not engaged for the dance.
Then, since the decided tib Z is equal
to a very broad hint, if the aristocratic
partner D pass by at that moment, he
will be introduced.
Then with your captive D, and-to the
circle of the room, and if at any point
of the dance you meet the gentleman
G, to whom you are really engaged,
c%onsoling himself with a new partner
H, let that be the point when the dan.
GERS cut one another.
Then since it has been shown thai
your fine eyes 3 have had a great effec'
on the old gentleman G, much great
er will be their effect on D.; anc
with your charms A B you will have
secured an %aristocrat:c partner d.
Wherefore, etc. Q. Z. T.
"A. NJ Heathcote,i IN Lomgman's.