davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
VOL. XXX---NO. 80.
VARIETIES.

Smith to JONES' (the latter but recently
married) it wasn't so hard after all,
was ?" Jones-"There's something harder
than getting married" Smith-"Getting a
divorce, l supposcG" Jones-"No getting
the furniture"
Il held her tiny hand in mine, and clasp.
ed her fairy form, and told my tale of ardent
love in language sweet and warm And
when paused for want of breath, she raised
her dimpled chin and whispered low, 81 don't
catch on, please sing your song again"
Eyes," said the doctor to the editor, "you
need exercise; your blood is sluggish, your
circulation is weak, not what it ought to be-"
Circulation weak, not what it ought to be-"
repeated the editor warmly. "Why, sir, l
wish you to understand that our circulation
is double that of any of our contemporaries"
During a recent examination on natural
history in school, a student in the pursuit
OF knowledge concerning the habits of ami
mails said to the examiner "Why does a cat
sir, while eating, turn her head first one way
and then the other?" "For the reason" re-
piled the examiner, chat she cannot turn it
both ways at once"
"A Spanish student, going out with a
party to shoot rabbits, was told not to talk,
lest he should frighten the animals. When
tne tlmld creatures appeared he uttered an
exclamation in Latin, which frightened them
away, and upon his companions blaming
him, he said, who could have supposed that
rabbits understand Latin ?"
-"If you are innocent" said lawyer to
his client, an old darkey, who was charged
with stealing ham, 1--WE ought to be able to
prove an alibi." II dom specs we kim" the
darkey replied doubtfully. CAT what time
was the ham stolen ?" "Bout lebben o'clock,
dey say" "Well, where were you between
eleven o'clock and midnight-in bed?" mo
sab. | wah hidin' de ham,"
Mr.. Dusenberry-"Yo have gone to
housekeeping, hear. Nicely fixed, | sup
poser" Mr.. Jenks-"Yes. My wife is per-
fectly delighted, She reminds me of tea
kettle, che sings so pleasantly" Mr.. Dusen.
berry-"My wife often reminds me of tea
kettle, too" Mr.. Jenks-"In what way"
Mr. Dusenberry-"I never know when she's
going to boil over"
-"That is buckshot DOSE" said a drug
gst yesterday as he finished a prescription
What is a buckshot dose?" "When doc.
tor don't know exactly what to give pa
tient he orders half dozen things put in his
prescription, hoping that one of them may
hit the right spot. We call it buckshot
prescription because man loads his gun to
the muzzle on the same principle"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
2netita1.
TAKE UP THY CROSS.

Take up thy cross with brave heart journey on.
May be the means by which thou wilt ascend
The stepping-stones unto higher life.
Take up thy cross nor falter on the way,
Remembering that each sorrow nobly borne
Is treasured up, and in the eternal day
Shall shine jewel in thy heavenly crown.
Take up thy cross and let thy prayers still rise,
Fen though thy heart receives no answering
yes.
If thou wilt but trust Him, future years will
show,
His watchful love; thou wilt have cause to bless.
Take up thy cross thou art not all alone,
For other hearts, like thee, some grief must
bear.
Thine will belessened, if thou comfort them,
For they, like thee, are Gods especial care.
Take up thy cross when twilight shadows fall,
The light of day thou canst no longer see,
Thy heaven-tuned lips can still as sweetly sing,
Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee"
Take up thy cross! the burden will be light,
If thou can'St say, as did the Holy One
In the electromagnetic of Gethsamene,
THY, will, God, not mine, be DONE"
Take up thy cross! until the crown be won,
Until thy hands shall clasp the victors palm,
Until thy little bark shall safely glide
Into the perfect rest of Gods white calm
Then shall thine eyes the pearly gates behold,
That hide from sight the Lamb upon the
throne;
Then shall thy prayer of prayers find fruit
In the Good and faithful child, well DONE
Miriam ThOTHdyke.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
Andrew JacksOn's Tenderness.

People have little idea of the tenderness
OF President Jacksons heart" said General
Brnkerhotf. even on his deathbed, when
his body was racked with pains of fast-ap-
preaching dissolution, his kindness of heart
was shown in nearly every act, one of his
daughters stories well illustrating this Mrs.
jackson, Jr., had some rare and tropical
plants which she priced very highly and
tended with great deal of care. But few
days before he died, when he knew his end
was near, General Jackson called his adopt
ed son Andrew to his bedside, and pointing
to the plants which were standing on the
front veranda said Andrew, l can't live
but few days, and when my funeral takes
place there will doubtless be great many
people here. Unless you take some way to
protect those plants they will be broken off
or destroyed or taken away. Now Sarah is
very proud of them, and | think that when
the time comes you should have those plants
carried to the upper veranda and lock the
windows and then they will be safe"
"He died few days afterward. His direc-
tons in this respect were not observed, and
Mrs. Jackson's plants were destroyed or car
ried away in pieces or as a whole, as memen-
toes of the OCCASION"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
The Polite Cat.

Here is very good cat story. A member
of the British Geological society tells it, so it
must be true:
81 once had cat who always sat up TO the
dinner table with me, and had his napkin
round his neck, and his plate and some fish.
He used his paw, of course, but he was very
particular, and behaved with extraordinary
decorum. When he had finished his fish
sometimes gave him piece of mine.
Zone day he was not to be found when the
dinner bell rang, so we began without him.
Just as the plates were put round for the en-
tree, puss came rushing upstairs and sprang
into his chair, with two mice in his mouth.
Before he could be stopped he dropped a
mouse on to his own plate, and then one on
to mine. He divided his dinner with me, as
| had divided mine with him."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
UnhRpnY Man.

Why persist in running your digestion by
eating unwholesome food and keeping it
ruined by doing nothing to restore it to use
fulness and right action? Some think that
dyspepsia is incurable. They are the ones
who have never taken Browns Iron Bitters,
This valuable family medicine makes short
work of the tormenter and soon enables the
digestive apparatus to do its work. Mr.. H.
=. Collins, of Keokuk, Iowa, says, 81 used
Browns Iron Bitters for dyspepsia and am
greatly benefited"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
The Egis& Intelligencer
IsPUBLIsHEp EVERY FRIDAY BY
# w. B A K Fl r.

Terms-s Year, in Advance.
TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENT Square,
Insertions or less So Each subsequent insertion,
20 cents Longer advertisements in the same pro-
portion. Aspace equal to six lines makes square.
Figure-work double price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications will
be inserted at ten cents per line.]
EH- Yearly advertisements at special rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25

How MIR. BRowBEAT CAUGHT A TARTAR.
The following interesting conversation oc
Cured between Maysville attorney and a
witness in case in which a certain tree
played prominent part: Lawyer-"Did
you see this tree near the roadside ?" Wit
ness-"Yes, sir, saw it plainly" Lawyer
ut was very conspicuous, then?" Witness
well, l can't say that; saw the tree very
plainly, though" Lawyer-"Well, now, I
would Ike TO know why if it was plain it
wasn't conspicuous What is the difference
between plain and conspicuous? Answer
that. will you ?" "Well," replied the witness,
"it is this; come into this courtroom and
glance over the bar. l see you plainly
among the other lawyers, although you amt
a bit conspicuousw
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25

A FABLE: A strange bird met an owl and
said to him: "Do you know that l can sing
as well as Patti ?" MY stars, no p responded
the Owl. "Pm so glad met you" Not
only that, but can fly faster than a wild
duck" Good gracious~ "Yes, and Pm a
high-toned, blue blooded bird; my meat is
sweeter than that of partridge" "If that
Is So" resumed the Owl, 81 see no use of my
souanderng twenty-five cents for a dinner
when | can get free lunch," and with these
words he proceeded to devour the strange
bird with dignifed leisure. NIoral-Wnen
you run for President or Justice ofthe Peace,
don't claim too many magnetic and magnfi-
cent qualities in commencing yourselfto the
favorable consideration of the public.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
Waits Of Wisdom.

Courtesy is cumbersome to them that ken
1t not. 1t is great point of wisdom to find
out ones own folly. Better little fire that
warns, nor meikle that burns. A man
Gamma thrive except his wife let him. An
hired horse-tired never. Our minds are as
different as our faces, we are all travelling to
one destination-happiness; but none are
going by the same road. If an ass goes
travelling, he will not come home horse.
The worth of thing is best ken'd by the
want oft. A man is weel or wac, as he
thinks himself sac A man that is warned is
half armed. A i'll wan penny will cast down
pound, Men are born with two eyes, but
with one tongue, in order that they should
see twice as much as they say.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
Obtaining an Acknowledgement.

A French money lender, complaining to
the late Baron Rothschid that he had lent
nobleman 10000 francs, who had gone off
to San Francisco without leaving any &C.
acknowledgement of the debt, the baron said
well, write to him and ask him to send you
the 10000 francs he owes you" "But he
only owes me ten," said the money lender
Precisely So" rejoined the baron "and he
will write and tell you so, and thus you will
get his acknowledgment"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25

Boston girl Ito Uncle James, farmer)-
"Do you like living on farm, Uncle James ?"
Uncle James-"Yes, like it very much"
Boston girl-"I suppose it is nice enough
in the glad summer time, but to go out in the
cold and snow to gather winter apples and
harvest winter wheat I imagine might be
anything but pleasant.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-25
CPECIAJ,

GPECIAL.
- desire to notify Canned Goods Packers that
am prepared to secure Cans Cases, &C., at lowest
figures and inside of Association Prices, and also
Seeds, &C., to be placed to best advantage and In
interest of employers, l. o., to patrons advantage,
Address LOUIS GEESE, 81 Chamber of Commerce,
Baltimore, Md.
ES- Take Elevator nearest Second st. Send
for Daily quotations for grain, sc. 3ap1y
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
LOCAL JOTS.

Horn Silver stock is quoted at s2t@205.
IA Rag Baby will be the attraction at the
Theatre next Saturday night.
Mccormick & Co. to-day received one car
of Hanauer bullion. $3.50; Crescent ore,
$3.50; Queen of the Hills ore, 81 600: and
Nevada ore. S400; total value, $4,000.
An "Iolanthe'' rehearsal at Calders music
rooms takes place tonight. Everything is
nearly ready for the production of this opera,
and ii is confidently expected that it will
capture the town.
The ladies of st. Marks congregation ex-
tend n cordial invitation to the friends of
Bishop futile to join with them in a public
reception to the Bishop, tomorrow evening,
at st. Marks schoolhouse.
f. j. Smith, who was defeated at the
Pavilion last Friday night by nj, Fitzgerald
in six-rouud glove contest for $3.50, says
he can worst Fitzgerald for stake of $3.50
to $500 side, and issues challenge to that
effect.
The last lot of Mormon immigrants of the
season arrived over the Utah Central about
8 o'clock last evening. When one of the
English saints woke up in the tithing yard
this morning and looked out at the Garden
of Eden amid the sleet and slush, he re-
marked: "Well, this is bloody rum go, you
know, if this is Zion."
The race between Jack Oddly, pedestrian
and Sanders and Bourne, roller skaters, took
place at the Pavilion last night, the former
walking two miles while the latter skated
three-one mile and half each. Oddly put
on fine squirt of speed from the start
making his two miles in 10 minutes 20 sec
onds, taking the race from the skaters by
about half lap, amid considerable enthu
siasm.
"The Mikado' will he rehearsed this ev.
ening, preparatory to Friday nights per.
formance. Several improvements have
been introduced in the opera, and much
tofore been given. Everything will be done
by the management to make it complete
success, and those who have not seen the
much-noised opera will now have chance
to see the amateurs at their best.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
Wedding Presents.

Mr.. G. NJ. Bell and Miss Mamie e..
Ensign, married in this city yesterday
afternoon, were seen off on the Rio
Grande train Mt $40 o'clock yesterday
afternoon by the relatives and two par
ticnlar friends OF the bride, Misses Elite
Shell and Belle Anderson. Shortly be-
fore the departure OF the happy couple,
Messrs. q. S. Erb, Frank Van Horn,
i. II. Drew, a. q. Bast, S. II. Weist,
l.: r.. Throne, j. +. Shields, j. w.
Whitehead, j. III. Patterson and C. p.
WoodcoclS dropped an elegant silver tea
set OF six gold-lined pieces down onto the
popular pair OF social iavorites, and Mr..
Tom stevens. OF Silver Reef, presented
the welded pair with handsome silver
pitcher and tray as Il token of respect for
the genial drummer and his charming
bride.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
The Brahmin's Rule of Life.

Cat, drink and be merry, for to-mor-
row we die (Which is the exhortation
OF the modern materialist, as it was of
the ancient Egyptians at their banquets-
had no place in the great creeds of India.
The soul was undying; and purity,
asceticism, quietism, were the universal
watchwords in the required work of
spiritual liberation. The first step in this
turning away from the world is when the
individual begins to see through the
illusiveness OF life; becomes conscious of
the unreality OF his surroundings and of
the souls independence OF the external
world and of the sensations which it pro-
duces upon him through the glamour
medium OF the senses. III he be an
orthodox Brahmin he says: "What have
to do with this phantasm of nature, this
mirage OF an external world? WHY
should | allow myself to be subject to the
painful or disturbing sensations which it
imposes upon me through the senses,
when in reality there is no existence but
Brahm, OF whom | am u part?" This
last phrase is the one most intelligent to
European; bui what the Hindu says is,
II am Brahm," in the sense that drop
taken from the ocean is the same in sub
stance with the ocean. True knowledge
sees through the deception of Maya; it
dispels the darkness from the embodied
soul, and thereupon the soul seeks to
liberate itself from this bondage of
illusion; it comes to know that it Is part
OF the soul OF the universe, and, like the
realized Prodigal, cries. 81 will arise
and go to my Fatherl" The rule of com
mon life, as preached by the Brahmins,
was to fulfill the duties incumbent upon
each one in the position in which he ia
born. No one was to disturb another in
the discharge OF his duties; he must not
iniure either man or beast, and he must
be tender even to plants and trees. When
he had set up his house, had married and
begot son when he had fulfilled the
duties OF q housemaster: when he was
old and had seen his chidren's children.
then he must prepare for futurity and re-
tire into the forest and lead the life of an
eremite, and work out his CELEBRATION /"
or the salvation OF his soul. This was
prescribed even for the common throng-
although, doubtless the Injunction was
but little, or very slightly observed. IL
was acknowledged that il is not everyone
VINO can become a true yogee, much less
Sannyasin or Arhat. But to all who
aspired after the higher grades of liberia
ton and spiritual existence marriage was
forbidden, and all sexual indulgence was
prohibited, as most fully retaining the
soul under the bondage OF the senses, and
keeping It from rising into the fuller and
higher life which it enters upon when
emancipaLed from the letters Of the body.
quarterly Repiew.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
Third District Court.

The case of Louisa y. Ferguson VS..
Leroy Decker ct al. was the first business
on this mornings docket This case
having heretofore been tried and sub
mitted, judgment was rendered for $3.50
and costs on the grounds that the assign
ment, consideration and lease were not
necessary to be acknowledged.
Aaron Keyser VS.. Hill & Trewhela was
called and the plaintiff asked leave to
amend, which was grant d. Aaron
Keyser, plaintiff, rests. The defendants
asked leave to amend, and plead the
statute OF limitations, which was refused.
James Fowles vs.. William Palmer was
heard to-day, with General Maxwell for
the plaintiff and L. B. Critchelow and d.
G. Mclaughlin Tor the defendant. A Jury
was waived and trial was had before the
Court. Plaintiff moved for judgment for
want of written answer, which was over
ruled. Plaintiff moved for judgment on
the ground that the docket fee, etc, had
been paid by respondent and not by APP
pellant Overruled.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
DOings of Bad Elenl,ants.

The fish-eating elephant is considered
IN India the most vicious OF his species.
In the Himalayas each variety of the
semi-sacred beast has name. The crab
lover is called Hinaxat, and turns readily
to man eater. Another monster, which
eats SO much fish that his hide becomes
scaly, is called Bek. But the famous
mad elephant OF Munda is conceded TO be
the worst ever known. For years he has
been in the stud of the East India com
pany; One night he became possessed
OF demon, and the next morning broke
loose and fled to the woods. For weeks
the whole province was terror-stricken.
with cunning which could never be an
ticipated, the mad elephant set hundreds
OIL hunters at defiance, and, creeping on
unprotected villages, smashed the huts
and trampled the women and children.
lie had destroyed thirty-five lives when
killed.-NeW York Sun.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
S63,64s Ga
$42,sOO 90
S,485 80
1868 IA
S63,64S Ga

This balance is invested in Utah
Southern Extension bonds, $1,000 cash,
$2,36314.
The statement of the city's revenue for
the six months ending October 3lst was
submitted. 1t shows receipts, $72, 142. SO,
one-fifth of which, $l4 ,42S.47, has been
carried to the sinking fund. The bonded
indebtedness at this date amounts to
$780, 800, and all of Series A but 81 900
has been redeemed.
City Marshal Phillips reported that he
had carried ont instructions by placing
placards OF the names of streets at differ
ent corners, while at others the name Of
the street had been painted on the lamps.
The total cost, 1924, was appropriated.
The Street and Alley Committee recon-
mended that the petition OF 7. j. Hewitt
for the grading of Second South street be
carried out. Adopted.
The same committee recommended
that the sidewalk between the Cliff and
Metropolitan hotels on Third South street
be laid with asphaltum and properly i'm
proved in accordance with the petition
presented by III. Hill. Adopted.
The following appropriations were
made:
269 Street Lamps, four months, at
S37;5O per annum. ............$3 1862 30
For Halls and Prison. .......... pa 20
Total. ....... $3,6O6 70
Less the City's share of dividends 1851 90
Balance. .....................S1 ,247 70
Five hundred dollars were added to the
City Marshal's contingent fund and s37
| for insurance on bath house.
Adiournnd
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
FIRED OUT OF THE CHURCH.
Apostle Darlington Is ExcOmmuni-
Gated OH Charges of Lascivious
Conduct and Adultery.

Last evening the Deseret News, the Off
cial organ of the Mormon Church, con-
tanned the following notice OF excom-
munication
Charges having been preferred against
Albert Darlington, a full and patient hear
ing was had before the Quorum of the
Twelve Apostles, when the following decision
was unanimously adopted
THAT Albert Darlington be excommuni-
Gated from the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, for the crimes of lewd
and lascivious conduct and adultery"
MILFORD Woodruff. Lorenzo Snow. Erastus
Snow, Franklin d. Richards, Brigham
Young, Moses Thatcher, Francis M. Lyman,
John II. Smith. Heber J. Grant, John W.
Taylor. JOHN w. YouNG,
Counselor.
1t is asked by what art Apostle Car
rington was seduced from the paths OF
virtue. BY the Bachelors Art, he being
a graduate OF Dartmouth College.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
How to Consult DR.. Foote. ST., by Mail.

DIR. Foote, Senior, author of ''Plain
Home Talk, " Medical Common Sense, !"
etc, ETC., would say to those who would
like to consult him by mail that they can
have a list of questions and circular of
gratuitous advice by addressing Box Ala
Salt Lake City. The doctor has arranged
to have such information supplied in this
way to save time, Receiving such printed
matter the correspondent can describe
his or her case fully and direct it to the
doctor, in New York. DIR. Foote is
successfully treating all forms OF chronic
diseases, a specially to which he has de-
voted thirty years OF stady and practice
Evidences OF his success can also be had
by addressing Box Ala, as above, but all
letters OF consultation and orders for
remedies should be addressed to DIR. L.
b. Foote, ST., 120 Lexington Avenue,
New York City, N. Y, Consultation free
An advertisement OF DIR. Foote, ST., in
another place deserves attention.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
Protect Your Family.

1t is the duty OF every man, rich or
poor, who has created home, to make
some provisions against the inevitable
for those who are dependent upon him,
and this most desirable result can be OBJ
tanned by procuring policy in the Mutual
Life Insurance Company OF New York,
the oldest active company in America and
the largest life insurance company in the
world. Rates, ETC., furnished by Louis
Hyams, Agent, So Main street, Hooper K
Eldridge Block, Salt Lake City.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
Silver Quotations.
HATS! HATSl HATS!.
Fall and winter styles Jus, Arrived

Eoumau,s.
This celebrated hat is light and flexible
and the nobbiest hat worn, the leader in
New York City.
HE. VI. Silvermun's
Fine flexible hat we IRE making spec
ialty OF and will sell it cheaper than any
house west OF New York.
Stctson's.
We carry the largest and most com.
plete limo in the city, both in soft and
stiff hats and at low prices.
NOBLE, WooD & Co.,
The exclusive lIatters, corner west of
Opera House.
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-11-11
Salt Lake City Brewing Company.

M. CULLEN, III. W. MORSE,
President. Vice-President.
We are now prepared to receive orders
for our CELEBRATED BuDwEIsER LAGER
BEER. Special inducements given to pur-
chasers OF carload lots.
Having given our careful attention to
the selection of the finest material for the
manufacture of beer after the Budweiser
process, we are in situation to place be-
fore the public an article superior to any
hitherto offered in this market.
Orders by telephone promptly attended
to. JACOB MoRIrZ, Sec. Il Treas.