Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1885-04-16
GARNRRED WITTICJSM.

or the kltchena and, taking OIL his
remnant of a hat, said TO Matilda
SNOWFALL, who IS blacker than the ace
of spades: Fair lady can't you give
a poor but respectable maH'Semething
TO stay his stomachl Have you no
pie, for inStaucep Matilda had both
compassion and pie, and cutting the
latter in halves, gave one Of them to
the polite visitor remarkiug that he
was q gentleman, even If he was
white. Thanks, he responded, ''may
you retain your present beauty for
thousand wears Oats twice too
much, said Matilda bhshing. "Well,
If it's twice teo much, fair lady, give
me the osser half of the pie TO make
us even" He got it.
Mrs. Simon Peterby is one of the
most eXtravagant women in Calves
ton. Her husband groans in his spirit
every day when he is called on to pay
her bills A few days ago she said to
hims Dear Simon. Just see what a
nice present ! got for your birthday"
what is it, dearest2N he asked. "A
beautiful pocket book TO keep your
money in. Thanks, but | didn't
tAHNAN " hNt u NUN lIhItN il IL
But you must promise me always to
think of me when you take it out
"Oh, you bet III think OF you every
time open 1t. | am bound to do
that
While walking on Galveston
wharf Mrs. Sniverly fell into the bay
and was rescued with difficulty by
stranger, Mr.. Sniverly shook tie
hand OF the rcscuer of his wife, and
said. "Yoa have saved my wife from
a wate1y grave, and | must reward
you for it, 81 only did my duty. l
do not desire any remuneration
well, il you will not accept my
money I'll give you a piece of advice
that will be worth something to you.
1t will save you a doctor bill. Don't
eat sausage in summer. ! know what
they are made of. I'm butcher by
trade.
John, said a grocer to his new
clerk "to succeed IN the retail gro
cry line IL is necessary 10 practice a
reasonable amount OF economy. Will
full waste makes woful want IS uu-
ism you should always bear in mind,
YES sir. Nov ! was surprised
the grocer went on, when you picked
the flies out of tie sugar barrel this
morning. that you didn't brush their
legs off, Don't let that happen again,
John
Dentist (after extracting the TOOTH
Fifty cents, please. Patient
Beg pardon. sir; but It was only
month ago that you put S. worth of
gold in that tooth. Please give me
credit for $3.50 on account. / shall no
| doubt have occasion TO come again.
We can make a settlementatt the close
of the year
Stern parent" Here, my son, what
| is this2 You were not at school all
last week. Asonished boy-"How
do you know Indignant father
Your teacher told me so. Wary
boy-"Dd he see niel' Wrathful
papa-"No, not once Triumphant
boy" Then how does he know ]
wasn't there2'
Caucasion tramp; "My colored
friend, please lend me y quarter; |
fought, bled al d suffered four years
in the union army TO make you a free
man" Colored gentleman: you
| did your duty sab but bout loaning
| you dat quarter, don't keer sab, to
| revive de bitter memories Of de wah.p
No. said the smart pig, just before
! butchering time, as he declined the
| farmers invitation to come up 10 the
trough and have something. No, |
thank you kindly, but where there's
swill there's a weigh,
A life long republican who thought
he saw which way the cat was going
! 10 Jump, cauicda transparency IN
democratic procession, and now wants
cflicc That won't do, The dodge is
too transparent.
Jones-"Did Smith tell you any OF
his stories last EVENING" Fogg
Lots of them "And were they
well reIate1p Exceptionally we'll.
Most of them were related to the an
tediluvian period.
II lis little curious that few
| sticks and q little dirt will stop the
water from running down a six-inch
conductor made for the purpose, but
even solder can't keep water out of a
nail hole in the roof
An eEcnaugc SdBeiy TeudFhs
you can't tell the age of an editor by
looking at his scissors No, nor can
you determine the strength Of his
articles by smelling his paste pot.
"The way to sleep, SAYS scientist,
lis to think of nothing +" When an
editor wants TO slumber all he has to
do is TO try and remember how much
money he has in the world.
The engineer of the Washington
monument says it will stand 10000
wears, and children need be IN no bur.
~ to climb it.
Hot cakes are more powerful at put.
ting down oleomargarine than the
board o. health.
owe meet to part no more, said
the balGheaded man TO his hair
brush
TOO Much Enterprise.