The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-09-30
A PARADISE FOR cRANKs.
thousands Of Queer People Who Travel
Daily by RnilFoed.

Cranks ?" said one of the bright and
good-looking guards at the Broad street sta
ton, Philadelphia this is the very para
disc for cranks. There must be some at-
traction for them here amid the turmoil of
this scene. Perhaps they enjoy the gentle
snorts of the locomotive as it pufTs in or out
of the depot there. 1t is not the cranks
that monopolize our time, either. There is
glorious army of fools which the Pennsyl-
vania Railroad Company has been supplying
with brains for several years past. It ought
to send in its bill to the nation-and il
shouldn't be less than $4,000 annually.
Carlyle used to say England had o popula-
ton of $4,000, 900 peopie-mostly fools.
my experience here lends me to think
much the same of this land of the free, the
home of the brave and the asylum of the
crank. have seen some queer sights since
my service as guardsman here. Many years
ago was stationed at Charing Cross station,
London, but John Bull takes travelling
methodically and you can't throw him off
his base. He and his luggage bathtub and
ail-come and go with as much imperturb-
ability as that Reynolds statue over there in
front of the Public Building exhibits But
the American public, when about to travel,
seem to lose their wits.
see strange things in this depot from
day to day. The handsome young Girl who
shot herself last week over there in the
ladies' retiring room was one of the episodes
Of this pleasant duty of furnishing
brains for the multitude. Not ten minutes
ago yelled out, Train for Media, Wa-wa
junction, Avondale and Oxford !! in my
most captivating manner, and the echo had
hardly ceased up there in the ceiling until
lady came rushing up to me and asked
Does the train for Media stop at Wa-Wa p
1t takes surgical operation to get sign
board information into woman's head and
as for time tables and schedules, don't be.
lieve there's woman in America, not even
Miss Cleveland, who ever attempted to un-
derstand one. They won't take the trouble.
woman will come in the greatest excite
ment up to the gentleman and ask him !:
Where do so to get ON the Germantown
train p when right over the mans head is
sign, with letters on it a half foot long, say
ing: This train for Germantown Their
there's the woman who will insist on GOING
through the wrong gate. She is generally
young and petty, and the gateman hates to
intimate to her she's a fool all the same, but
he must finally tell her she is at the wrong
gate. Then there's the dude in his high
collar, with tennis racket strapped to his
satchel, putting cigarette; he never has
his ticket out, but fumbles for it half houi
at the gate, delaying the whole crowd be.
hind him, until you hear Chester county
country girl-mora slangy than polite-in
the rear, whisper to her companion; Some
body ought TO slug the fool
You see over there, to the right of the
station, is tho Exit 1t greatly facilitates
handling the crowds here sometimes that
NIL persons should pass out that way. Nine
tenths won't do it, but push their way
through the waiting room. The man with
the legion of bundles, the woman with the
dog, the boy that knows more about rail
reading than his father and the girl in the
ladies' room who tiirts with the gents in the
waiting room rfaere every day. An Ameri.
can girl when travelling seems to think she
has born right to flrt.n