Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-07-04
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
A Lecturer who wa Left Because he had
Been Drinking.

Upon opening the meeting Brother
Gardner fined Elder Toots $500 for
breaking o lamp chimney with his
elbow, and her announced the fact that
the Hon. Overplus Boggs, of Delaware,
was in the ante-room and waiting to de-
liver his celebrated lecture On "WIll the
Coming Man Shoot OFF His Mouth p
The reception committee went out to
escort the great man in, but presently
returned with the statement that he was
lying on a bench in a deep stupor, and
that he had evidently been drinking
heavily.
ODE committee, assisted by Giveadam
Jones'" said the president, "will escort
de leckturer down stairs in de most on
venient manner, an when he has
reached de alley doah it will be de
dooty of de committee to see dat de
occasion be made a memorable ID in
his diary fur 1885,"
Two boot heels and a broken suspen-
der were found in the alley next day,
and it is presumed hat somebody
exerted himself.
A GOOD INVESTMENT.
The Secretary announced the follow
ing official report from the branch club
at Petersburg, Va "The name Of
this club is The Anti-Liars, and we
have 124 active members. Our financial
policy has been to fine each member 81
for each lie told. At the end of eight
cen months we counted up and found we
lad taken in $3.50. Eli Perkins came
here to lecture before our I. NJ. G. A.,
and after the lecture we made him an
honorary member, and in less than forty
minutes we took in over 5000.
"P. S.-Do you know any other per-
sou who would be as profitable to us az
an honorary member as Eli? Ii SO
who?
FAIR WARNING.
A communication from Memphis gave
information that Division John Smith,
as honorary member of the club, was ad-
vertising to cure consumption by the
laying on of hands, and in order to fill
his purse was making all colored persons
within ten miles believe they had the
fell disease.
A communication from Richmond.
Va, likewise announced that Prof.
Phosphate Wellington, another honorary
member, was practicing as a fortune.
teller, and everyone who paid him fifty
cents was given SO much good luck that
work at 81 a day was no longer an oil
ject.
The Secretary was directed to warn
both members i'll a large, bold hand, and
red ink, that they must at nee quit such
business or suffer expulsion, and Brothe,
Gardner added, for the benefit Of his
hearers
"When members am sick q straight.
out-dose by a Observation-Disclosures, will
either cure or kill. You git your moneys
WORT, no matter which way it goes. We
can't countenance no member imposin
on human natur' by pawin' around fol
two shillin' a paw. AS fur de bizness O
tellin' fortunes, we all know de past an
kin guess clus 'nuff de fucher to keep al
extra vest buckle whar' we kin find i
any time de old one gives out"
SENT TO IOWA SCOTIA.
Trustee PuIlback was then Informed
that he was to be sent to CORVALLIS
Nova Scotia, to organize a branch club
to be called "The 2. ID. @. Colored Ad
visers," and the President added:
"Brudder Pu!lback, You has trabble,
befo', but a lew words of advice will d
you no harm. Doan' spread yorself ODE
more'n two seats in de railroad kyars
Civil W won't cost you a cent. al
may save yer shins from a kickin'. Yov
may know all about anoder mans game
but doan't bet on it. Thirty Vars ag
III statesmen wiped DER noses on del
coatsleeves, but dar' has bin a new dea]
an you mustn't forgit your bandana
While it am handy to eat wild a knife
de use Of a fork at table NAV secure yo
a Cabinet posishun. Door:n' de da
stick to de sidewalk, by nigh. walk i
de middle OBJ de road. OATS all, an "
VIII now sing our closin' song an dis
mantle de meatin'-"