News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-11-12
AN "rNrER1oR AND EXTERIOR"

| Scene.-NeW building IN course Oh
erection in view of government offices.
Government clerk Ito fellow clerk)
l-"Say, Fred, I've been watching that
bricklayer for the last t enty minutes,
and he has not done stroke of wor <
all that timel The country may well
be going to the dogs"
Easy going bricklayer Ito fellow arti-
san)-"Say, Bill, I've been watching
that 'ere clerk for the last half hour,
and, blow me! he's done nuthin' all the
time! Taxes may well be high Won
der what pay he gets for thatP'-Punch.
THE APPROACH OF COLD WEATHER.
Dumley (shiveringly, to landlady)-I
s-suppose it won't be v-very long, now,
M-mrs, Hendricks, b-before it will be
Unnecessary to have fire in the fur
naceG
Landlady Canning herselD-Yes, a
few weeks more and shall have to be-
gin to think about laying in the winters
stock C5 coal.-M 7. san.
HIS BILL.
Mr.. Smith Ito editor)-"My name is
Smith. I just dropped in to pay you"
Editor Offering chair)-"All right,
sir" CTo boy.) ''James whistle down
stairs for Mr.. Smiths account"
Mr.. Smith dropping into a chair)-
''Er-to pay you little visit. "-Har-
per's Bazar.
ECCLESIASTICAL ITEM.
Teacher-''What are the names Of
the seven days of the week."
Boy-'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday"
Teacher-'"That's only six days. You
have missed one. When does your
mother go to church2"
Boy-'fWhen pa buys her new hat"
-IerGs SiltftinQs.
DOTS AND DAsHEs.
COMPLAINT of the lack of small bills
continues. If people want small bills
they should settle up their accounts
oftener.
In some respects a man resembles
silver coin. He can do more good by
being good than by appearing good
when he is not good.
OLD Baldy-'T remember the first
quarrel l had with my wife. It was
twenty-five years ago. We tried to de-
eide who was boss, and it amt settled
yet"
PRUssIAN soldiers have figured out that
prudent man can save enough from
his pay, if he serves for 100 years, to
enable him to live out the rest OF his
days in idleness.
AFTER catching 1,124 rats in certain
hotel IN Philadelphia the rat catcher
threw up the job and advised the land
lord to move out and give the rodents
full swing.
WHEN a Nevada man wishes his
friend ''may live till every hair on top
of his head is as long as a Mexican
lasso, he has said all that the most ex-
acting friendship can demand.
WHEN man dies of an unknown dis
ease it is usually termed 'Bright's dis
| ease" When the system is thoroughly
| out of gear and the muscles will no'
work smoothly ''malaria" is the term
\ Il WOULD not" s,tys-- the Rev. San
Jones, s'vvipe my feet on professiona
base ball player" Why should Mr.
Jones wipe his feet on a ball player
when the umpire is there for that pur
pose2
| A CALIFORNIA girl shoots wild geese
and sends their feathers to market, and
in this way she has laid by $500 to give
the man who marries her The men all
seem to be waiting for her to make it
| $1,000.
''AND how does Charlie like going to
school?" kindly inquired a good man of
a ix-year-old boy. II like goIn' well
enough, " replied the embryo statesman,
ingenuously; "but don't like stayin'
after get there"
''MY love-" said wife, fondly; Gam
I not to have that beautiful dress pat
tern l spoke of 2" ''Be patient, my
dear, "he replied; 'Twill only say there is
sur prise in store for YOU" 'In store
for mel" she snapped; "that's where it
will stay. A real surprise would be
something at home"
''UNcLE JAMES" said a city young
lady, who was spending a few days in
the country, sis that chicken by the
gate Brahmin9" ''No," replied Uncle
James, ''he's a Leghorn." "Why, GER
tainly, to be suren said the young lady.
hOW stuplu OA AO! SaA eCO S10
horns on his ankles"
A WHITE man in the Okeechobee
Lake region went to GAINESVILLE, Florida,
on business at the United States Land
Office While there he saw the first ice
he had ever seen. He manifested great
interest in the frigid substance, and put
half-pound lump in his pants pocket
however, and as he did so he said: 81
am afeerd it will spile my terbacker."