The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-08-28
A NAP In THE CHAIR.
Doing While the Eloquent Barber
Airs Himself.
The One Honest Man I'm His Own Behalf
No AdulteratiOn or Deception in
the Shop - An Expensive
Lodging House.


you think? Well, guess SO. That is,
if you are sitting in the chair. There
you may feel tempted to wink off these
summer after7oons. Wouldn't blame
you bit. But if you're barber, that's
different. I'll bet you wouldn't 90 to
sleep if you were barber-not unless
you wanted to starve. BARRIERS are
honest, and they can't afford to sleep.
They are square. straight-up, legitimate,
ard if they stop to snooze they get left.
That's the way it goes, you know. in
this world. The honest people work
the hardest. and the people that cheat
get along the easiest and have the most
time to rest and enjoy themselves. 1t
hadn't ought to be so. but it is. as sure
as your hair is r brown. Now, Just
put yourself in the BARRIERS place a
minute. Think how honest he has to
be. He can't cheat if he wants to. In
the first place. he has to be on deck all
the time. If he goes to sleep or wand
ers over on State street to look at the
ladies, or goes into beer saloon
and sits down half an hour his
customers go away. Now, people
will wait four hours to see
a lawyer or doctor. or an architect or
a pawnbroker. but they won't wait five
seconds for barber. No, sir, not five
seconds. The barber has to give an
honest shave, too. No sighting work
will do. The face must be smooth and
the towels clean and everything nice.
The razor must be sharp as-as woman's
tongue between midnight and daybreak.
You know just what you are going to
get from the barber. No adulteratiOn,
no deception, no dishonesty. Now, it's
different with other people. Go to the
saloon and call for beer. What are
you getting for your beer? You don't
know. Whisky? Mebbe it's whisky.
Prandy? Pretty surely not. Wine?
Mixed. In ten seconds the bar-keeper
will serve you with a drink which may
have no more spirits in it than the
barber rubbed on your face, and he
charges you the same amount, though
the barber was fifteen minutes in giving
you his dose. That isn't right. Go to
the restaurant. You pay ten cents for
a cup of coffee made out of tan-bark,
roasted carrots. acorns, chickory and a
little coffee, sweetened with fixed sugar
and enriched with whipped cream.
as they call their carbOnated and
sweetened milk. Tea would be Just
as bad. Even the mustard for
the sandwich is wheat flour colored
with yellow ochre and made sharp with
cayenne pepper. But that's nothing.
Go to the druggist with a prescription
and he'll fill it in half the time it takes
to shave a man, though using no more
material. and your bill is forty cents.
BESIDES, you don't know whether the
drugs arepure or not. You fare a good
deal worse than that at the Doctors
He glances at you, feels of your pulse,
looks wise a second, scribbles a few
words and in less time than it takes me
TO put the towel around q customer
neck he's all done. Bill, two dollars.
The lawyer is worse yet. You find q
notice on his door that ne is at court
back in ten minutes You wait three
hours and half and then see him come
out of the beer saloon across the wav.
He hears your tale as if he was in an
awful hurry, looks at a law-book, says.
You're all right-trust in me- and
takes ten dollars for a starter. The
plumbers man comes to your house,
goes down into the cellar, comes up,
talks few minutes with the hired girl,
goes down cellar again, comes up once
more, eats two mince pies he has
coaxed from the cook, goes down, comes
up, kisses the cock and goes away. Time,
thirty minutes. Bill, $l7.4O. Then
there's the dentist You go into his par
Tor and you've got to wait an hour and
a quarter until he has ripped up some
other flies. While you wait you over
hear somebody grooming and screeching
in the merit room. This is BY way of en-
couraging you, you know. Then when
your turn comes to spit in the cuspidor
the dentist seems to delight in making
it interesting for you. He puts his scis-
sors IN and then his clip, and he gouges
and brushes and harrows and rakes for
about twenty minutes. If should treat
a customer of mine that way I'd be sued
for $4,000 damages. The dentist lets
you off for eight dollars. If it's good.
square work and honest prices you want
YOU must come to the barber. As my
wife says to me the other day when l
told her she was the handsomest
woman on the West Side: 'Adon-
lram,' she says, says she, i be-