Daily Republican., 1885-08-26
MIRTH AND MERRINENT


his work, when the lady
II tte house entered. "schn,' said
'he, with q suspicious glance toward
.he plumber, remove the silver from
he siieboard and lock IL sp NJ once"
But yhe man OF lead WAS in nowise dis
,srted. tom, )" said he to his appren-
ice, who accom- panied HIM, take my
watch and my chain. and these ccppers.
home TO my ist us at onoe. There seems
TO be dishonest people about this
house
Mrs. Parvenu has recently furnished
her new house, and 1t was gorgeously
done. Everything was In style,an the
carpets we're woven in ono piece to fit
Zach room. Mrs. parvenu has daugh
ter, and she was talking about her to a
visitor. MRS. Parvenu," said the
lady, your daughter doesn't go out
much 9" No, not q great deal. II
tires the moor dear" Indeed Isn't
she veil 2" "Oh, yes, we'll enough
But, you see, at 30 many OF the houses
where she must call she has TO walk
over the seams in the carpets, and itl
hurts the poor dear's feet and makes
her 30 tired
"What do you think OF this9" asked
q wife of her husband, showing him
rainbow colored carpet which she had
ordered. ~ don't like It," he respond
ell. "why not? I think it Is real pref
ty." "That's because you bsve poor
taste" It's a. good ~ yours, l be-
lieve," she snapped back, with warmth.
Possibly, my dear; but l don't like
your carpet all the same" well,
why don't you?" "Because 1t IL too
gaudy." "Fudge! you must he devo.
ted admirer Of plain thugs" II am,
my love; that's why l married you"
| An old country gentleman, ,-eturnina
home rather late, discovered yokei
with n lantern under his kitchen win
dow. who, when asked his business
there, stated he had only ooE Q court
ing. "Come q what ?" said the irsts
ae6tleman Accounting sir. I'se
counting Mary" "It's u liei" exclaimed
she old gentleman. "What do YOU
want lantern for? l nevs- used one
when | was young man" No, sir,
was the yokel's reply didn't thin X
yer 'ad, judging by the rniss:s
| A young Austin 'awysr WAS appoint
ed to defend negro who was too pool
to hire counsel of mis- own. After the
Jury were in the box, the young lawyer
challenged sever OF then who, hi
client said had prejudice against him
I"Are there any more lvrymen wh'
have prejudice against YOU ?'' whisp
cred the young lawyer. RIO, boss, tn
ljury sm all right but want you u
challenge the jedge. has been con
victed under him seberal times alread
! and may be he Is begin min 10 have pre-
udice ag'in' me-"
A lady who had seen much of tn
: world was asked on one occasion VIII,
!. plain girls often get married soone
= THAN handsome ones; to which she re
& piled that 1t WAS owning mainly to th
). tact Of the plain girls aud the vanit
apd want OF tact on the part OF men
!. :" How do you make that Out?" aske
| q gentleman. In this way" answer
! ed the lady. "The plain girls tia.te
the men, and 20 please tteir vanity
while the handsome ones wait to b
IfiAttered by the men. who haven't tn
tact 70 do 1t.
He was polite, but din don't, and ha
got entangiei in conversation with
couple of young ladies, aR6 WAS struI
, Cling along as best he could. The
e were discussing the merits OF dttferei
~ actresses. Yves" he said, Mr.
BIS certainly very clever sctres
b. but III think she 10 one of the piaine
women ever saw. That is," he add,
20 politely, under the vague impressic
ia At some qualification sheaid be Ii
10 ,roduced here. mean, Of cours
o present company always accepted
IN What a reese semblancs there Is b
al tween You and your husband, MI
Smith" said a friend OF the famil
"a " Did any one ever call astert tion to
nj bef fore %" "Oh, yes" broke in Fendt
I'd son. They were walking down u
ia street t'other day, and heard q mi
IL remark How much that woms
4. looks like her SON. No, no, that wasr
n. it," added Henderson, seeing the clo'
re on Mrs. Smiths face "what he ga
nd vas: How much that old fellow loo
70 ike his mother
'es Nurse TO fashion able mothsr):" J
no h~by IL very restless, ma.am. csl
of- d. anything with her" Y. M "Sh
ID, teething. suppose ." N: "Yes'm.
no think If you was TO take her in 20
yes arms = little while it might soothe hel
ful +. n. ~? Impossible l have
'ur the time to spare. am just maxi
cit ready TO attend . meeting OF the Soci'
for the Prevention OF Cruelty to Oh
drsn. Give baby some paregoric."
on Mr.. ssmpieson is very irasci
w man, aod 10 In the habit of punish
tse his boys very severely. Not long sil
ck, he observed that one Of his sors ueot
'od, new pair OF pants. He s,olded
NC NC boy for wearing ont his clothes 80 Il
.1s :" Pa, no pants can last any time
q way you HIT" replied the son, repros
er; fully.
A young scholar, the first day
ON, school. WAS aske, her name by
sam teacher, and replied. Her father ma
'inc was the next question, and she did
al know his Christian name. The teac
thep sslsed her " What does y
a n motner cali him >" You donke.
Z n sd said the child.
a nrs A widow has been three times ma
orod ed. Her rst husband was Robb,
den, second Robbins, and the third Rob-
son, The same door plate has ser
VIZ W., for the whole three, and the quest
sub now ia, what extended nams can
nos procured to fill ont the remainder OF
sand ase space on 1t.
A young man asked the lady of
Y. affections, the other evening, how
liked the looks of his new sanding
La. After critically surveying
apd the collar, she replied ~
nice, indeed. 1t looks like wi
~. washed feuce around lunatic
lnm."
Buo. care you going tc be
lot new papa ?" Accepted suitor "
ltI nv dear child" I" Have you got
,,s., wig yet >" Wig? Why no, d
sisss wear q wig. Why do you ask ?" q
Q his other papa always said he was than
,yins his hair wasn't fart TO him"