Morning journal and courier., 1885-07-02
WAR CLOUDS.

Our insane punster speaks of the man with the squeaking boots as the coming walk loud. Boston Transcript.
 Sober passenger, angrily-''Look where you step, man!" Tipsy passenger, apologet- ically-"Y-yes, I do; the trouble is to-
 'You see those two country boys over there," said the train boy. "Well they've recently come into possession of some money, and they are going up to Chicago to paint the town" "Redl" ''No, green. Chicago Herald.
 "When is the best time to go fshing." asks correspondent of an anglers journal. Such ignorance is deplorable. The best time to go fishing is when your wife begins to tear up the carpets prelude to house cleaning. -Drakes Travellers Magazine. Young lady-Do you not think that Miss s. is graceful? Young man-I never saw l her but once, and then she appeared any thing but graceful. Young lady-Indeed! Where did you see her? Young man-I saw her falling over a wheelbarrow.-New York ! Sun.
 Woman-E'If I give you something to eat will you saw a little wood2' Tramp-sNo, mum, Pm too weak to saw wood. I'm not lazy, just weak, but I'm willin' to do what l can. You give me good dinner an I'll sit ont in the cornfeld for 8 scareerow while I'm eatin' it."-New York Sun. Rapid change-Fashionable wife-"My dear, will you give me some money?" Illus band-'tWhat for" Fashionable wife-"A new bonnet" Husband-''Why, you have just got a new bonnet" Fashionable wife 'I got one last week. know, but it's all out of style w."-Traveler's Magazine. At suburban watering place, not unfam- ed, by the way, for wit, appeared once over the door of a newly erected hospital the strange device: "Convalescent Home For In curables.''' In a few days, amid the laughter of the neighborhood, the device was painted ! out again.--Irish Ecclesiastical Record. The Italians believe that maternity robs 8 woman of her voice. The Italians should come to this country and listen to 8 rural mother call home her children, who are play ! ing in wood mile distant. When 8 cy- I clone hears her voice shouting along it knows | it must either jump over it or get wrecked | Norristown Herald.
 l A paper gave an account of society event | and in speaking of one beautiful lady of l quite large proportions it said Mrs. - possessed a form that a Juno might envy ! The editor went home and left subordinate | to get out the paper and the next morning he read in his paper that "Mrs. pos sessed a form that Jumbo might envy. ."-Ex-
 change.
 A man whose storehouse had burned dewn
 stood sorrowfully looking at the smoking ! 1u1nS. HIS WAS U Sau lnIStdko. ue SdIu u
 friend "A sad loss," the friend replied
 "It shows the evil result of a bad memory
 "How soa" "Why, if I hadn't forgotten that
 the insurance had expired I would not have
 left a candle burning in-oh, well, it's toe sad to talk about-it's criminal neglect. "-
 Arkansaw Traveller.
 It was at the breakfast table. MT. Snil
 ingboy was telling Mrs. S. about farce ht
 had attended the night before. "Ah," saie
 he, ''my dear, you'd have died laughing Ii
 you could have seen it!" Then he added, il
 tone of burning enthusiasm, "How I wisl
 you'd been therel" Even now he canno
 quite understand why Mrs. s. g remarks di rectly took such an unusually and violentl.
 personal turn.-Harper's Bazaar.
 A graceful apology: Snookson to tn
 duke of Danbury)-"I humbly beg you
 grace's pardon for my presumption in ven
 turing to address your grace, but am mos
 anxious to apologize for the unfortunat
 blunder made last night at Mrs. Gatherem
 all's in mistaking your grace for the butler
 My only excuse is that never having had tn
 honor of meeting your grace before I didn' know your grace by sightl'-London Punch