St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-08-02

0AC>ccu MOLuan WIFI ucE SllhSr diiO AoSCS, ]
and jewelry, but with rusty old brogan
shoe ON one foot and fine kid on the other. |
Good Lord, round us OF. There are
TWO KINDS OF MEN
who puzzle community. One man is good
in everything, but he don't belong to the
church. Another does and lives up to all
church rules, but won't pay his debts.
What do you want TO be fool like either
for? Try to be perfect man. We've got
enough pieces here to make 100 or maybe
200 good men, but the trouble Is we can't
get them together. One man don't pray,
but pays his debts. Another says, I'm
poor, can't pay, but I'll do all the church
asks me to. Don't pray, but pay. There
are men who say they give great deal to
the church, but don't want TO pray. That's
all right, brother; there amt railroad in
the world that don't charge extra for the
sleeping-caT. You are back there asleep,
and some of you have dead-head tickets,
but abuse the engineer for going so slow.
That's the meanest kind of meanneSS. Cor
nelius got religion all over.
TAKE IN ALL THE FAMILY.
What next. Why, we read that his
whole family and servants were baptized.
like that. Let man get good case OF
religion and it breaks out in his family like
smallpox. L told the people in Missouri
last week that variolOid religion was like
varioloid-a man couldn't give it TO any
body, but let man have a genuine case
and every one that comes near him catches
it. don't want any child of mine to have
yariolOid religion; had rather he never went
into church and never heard a sermon
than to hear the sermons some OF you have,
and yet be church frauds. l have an eter-
nal, mcOmpromising hatred of Shams.
We've got TO be shams in religion, like
everything else. / once asked 4 dentist
why he plugged false teeth, and he said il
was 10 make them look more like the real
ones Good Lord, have mercy on US, and
stop US from plugging our
RELIGIOUS FALSE TEETH.
There is not one man or woman in thou
sand but is a sham. want every one in
the house who is genuine through and
through to stand up in the audience. Five
men and two women rose. Lord. we have
here ?, coo shams. The Lord knows that
never since Eve had religion I've had one
dollar of money or one drop Of blood that
was too good for God. Christ is all the
world to me.
What is the matter with us at this meet
| ing? Nothing is going on. Pve not been
so much troubled for years as 1 have been
in the last twenty-fOur hours. 1 tell yOu,
brethren, you have been preaching against
! drinking and lying and stealing, but that's
not what is the matter with the church. It's
wOrldlineSS that makes the people so cold
It's not the thief nor the drunkard nor
cheesemOnger that is doing harm. There are
MethodistS who play progressive euchre,
and / have more respect for Niger than
for them. Girls go to dances and let spider
legged dudes hug them around the waist. l
wouldn't let one OF them put his arm around
my cook. If she did, I'd discharge her.
Gods girls don't let spiders hug them. It's
the devils girls who DO.
NOT LL-BRED, BUT PLAIN-sPoKEN.
They talk about me being ill-bred and
/ illiterate. 1t amt so. I'm not ill-bred, and
if you'll go home with me I'll prove it 10
you. If You believe I'm ignorant I'll 60
before committee and I'll show you I'm
not by being examined with you. L know
| I'm criticised by newspapers and others.
/ by if you'll read the newspapers you'll see
what makes me this way. Look at the
rapes and seductiOns and murders. Some
say we ought to talk about the nice side of
things A nice preacher is the incest thing
in the world, but he amt fit for nothing.
You women think amt nice, but your hus-
band drinks till he's like demijOhn. You
can run your arm through that demijOhI
and go 10 church with him. but a preacher
must be delicate, or he'll offend YOU.
ought to be dignitied, and will as soon rs
die. a dead man is the most dig
nitied thing in the world. He don't
make any noise, or disturb any
body; he Just lies still. But how can bt
dignified in life, with boys falling and girl:
losing their characters, and all the woriC
going hellward. l tried being dignltieC
| Il L Won xrnr1 Il
have been sorry for me. There's woman
over there turning up her nose at NE.
don't know what's the matter with You Ken
lucky women. 1 like you; yes, do.
married Kentucky girl, and she was
JUST AS SWEET AND PRETTY,
seventeen years ago. as you are. If she
can put up with me for seventeen years Of
happy wedlock you ought to stand me dur
ing camp meeting. know a big revival
amt the best thing in the world, and IneveI
said it was. Religion at home is better,
where the man can take his wife by the
hand, and the oldest child that of the next,
and all go to heaven together. j
said Yesterday a man who didn't
pray in his family had no more
religion than goat Some preachers don't
agree with me. but if l had as many mis-
cradle backslider members as they have I'd
agIee TO anything. 4 sister says that can't
do. for her father didn't pray in the family,
, and he was the best man that ever lived.
Lord, sister, don't bring up any graveyard
business on me; / can't argue with dead
folks, and never say anything mean about
ZEN. Tr0t out live, kicking one, and III
talk TO him.
Some give as a reason they don't pray i:
because they don't enjoy religion. Now,
. heard of a woman once who enjoyed poo
health, and if she could do that. L think you
might enjoy anything. The grandeSt sigh
on earth is whole family linked together
BY prayer, and there amt anything mucf
better i'm heaven. IOnee knew a brother VIII,
had his new house dedicated TO God befOrJ
! he moved into II. He said it was a grea
. thing. and saved him any amount of trouble
nobody wanted 20 play cards there, or aSket
him to give little parties or entertainments
what a glorious thing II would be 10
Kentucky il every house in II was dedicate'
TO God. There wouldn't be hole for pro
gressive euchre to hide its head. Their
amt any place in the world so sacred as
; home where little children are growing N
! to eternity.
, DOWN on DANCING.
r If ever 1 have a house 1t shall be dedicate'
I before move into it, and there'll never b
! any little entertainments, or cards, or dane
ingthere. Maybe YOU think that would b
: hard on my children. Bless you, they don
: have to go TO entertainments for their fun
; and yOu can't find five little fellows any
: where that have 4 finer time than San
Jones. They're in fun up to all but littl
bit of their head and ears; they can get flu
out of anything and take it like thei
: father-dry, just so. Down in Georgia N
= intelligent person will dance; l don't know
| hn,r n l. in Kentncky Ii danendS INN