The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-03-04
March 4.
VARIETIES.

ABOUT the only time a man wishes he
were woman is when he has to give up
his seat to woman in a street car.
A lie travels much faster now than it
did formerly The Invention of the
telegraph accounts for the increased
speed.
GLOW pale and quiet he looks, - said
a sympathizing old lady at the funeral.
"Yes," sobbed the widow, 4:John alters
was p-pale and q-qaiet like"
sit am de walk over man dat siles his
character" says 0pie Read, author of
Plantation Philosophy" +'.No matter
how clean rooster may be, let him fol
low er duck all day am at might he'll be
muddy"
"Im glad Billy hadthe sense to marry
settled old maid, said Grandma Win
KUN at the wedding ""Gals is hity THY
and widders is kinder owerrulin' and up
settin'. Old maids is thankful and within
to please"
Elder Sister, Well, dear, did you
have pleasant time at the theatre to-
nigh?' Younger sistea-"NOh, it was
just lovely. cried all the time" Elder
sister-"Did you? Oh, how l wish I'D
been there"
"You re guided too mIch by others
opinions" said Mrs Fogg to her lord;
''for my part believe in having a little
mind of my own" "And you've got it,
was the brutal remark of Fogg, as he put
his hat on to 60 out.
''Your father was nothing but sim
pie stone-mason." 81 know where you
got that information. From whom
did get it?' ''Fronl your father"
''How do you know that?'' Because
your father use to be my fathers bod
carrier"
The Chattanooga Times contains am
elaborate description of a machine for
the manufacture of strawberry boxes
What the country will next be suffering
for is quart strawberry box that will
hold quart of strawberrics--Nesc KonE
World.
A philosopher borrowed dictionary
to read and return it after he got through
with the remark that '|it is very nice
reading, butt somehow changed the sub
;iect very often.' 1t was his sister who
thought that the first ice cream she ever
tasted was "a leetle touched with the
frost"
Two men were walking along ana lev
sidewalk, when one of them lost his
foothold and went down. Whereupon
the other, who CHANGED to be a clergy
man, quoted the familiar scripture pas
sage 1.-THE wicked stand ON slippery
places" The quick rejoinder was, Yes
Isee they do, but can't"
What do YOU think of Mr. Thompson,
maj" ''He seems to be very nice, but
/ would not encourage him if | were
vou?" "Why, mamma ?" "He has red
hair, and red-haired men are always de-
eietful.' "But papa has read hair. -
f'Well, not quite red, child. It's red
enough though"
/ held her little hand in mine,
AS at the rink we skated,
And met the glances from her eyes,
With purest love-light freighted,
Her pretty face was very near;
] stopped and fondly kissed her,
And all the other fellows wished
They too could kiss-my sister.
BLOOMFIELD (N.J.) Citizen.
A Galveston lady has brother who
is an artist, and of whom she is very
proud She imagines that her brother
is a great painter, but he is not. Not
long since a gentleman, who is good
Judge of pictures, visited her. She
showed him one of her brothers pictures
expecting him to praise it. After he had
examined it carefully, he asked: cat
what trade did you say your brother was
engaged ?''-Tet0s ISGttings.
ale was very lazy" said Mrs. Jones'
81 must say that my first husband was a
very lazy man" How lazy was he 2"
| asked. "Well, he was so lazy-Mr.
Jones was so lazy that he would not
shovel a path to the front gate" elbow
did he get the path broken out ?" asked.
"Oh, he used to pinch the baby's ears
with the nippers until the neighbors
came rushing to see what was the matter
and thus tread down the snow"
The old, old story: The Colonel
eyes, he was senior wrangler of his year
and she took mathematical scholarship
at Girton; and now they're engaged !"
Mrs. Jones' Dear me, how interesting
and oh, how different their conversation
must be from the insipid twaddle of or
binary loversr' Their conversation ::
He-''And what would dovey do if lovey
were to die?" She-"Oh, dovey would
die too !''-L0ndon Punch.
The Kentucky State Journal reports
this conversation: Johnny, take the
broom and 90 out and sweep the leaves
off the pavement. Doggone the leaves !
What makes 'em fall SO fastp' "The
good Lord causes them to fall each year
to remind us that the end of our season
of life is ever close at hand, and that we,
too, must soon fall" "Well, when they
come out agin in the spring what is that
to remind us of?' '"rhat is to remind
us that if we are good, we, like them,
will bud out new and bright in paradise.
eyes, but them leaves don't bud out in
paradise; they're jist the same old trees
on our pavement. According to that we
ought to bud out agin down here where
we fall off at'' Hurry on out. Don't
L--l ~ 80 ID toll co 1n11ch - NYas