Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-11
JARPHLY PAYS HIS ELECTION
BET
a Better Half who Knew How to Col
lect Her Winnings.

leu EeE " INNINGS
Philadelphh Times.
Many singular election bets have been
made and paid, and some still need at
tending to. Fortunately or unfortunately,
as the case may be reviewed by an I'M
prejudiced public, Nr. jeremiah Jarphly,
of Allegheny City, is not among the lat
ter number.
MIR. Jarphly has paid his election bet.
Mr.. JaTphly's neighbOr saw him pay 1t,
and can bear witness TO the facts, which
are about as follows: Mrs. Jarphly, with
a true wOman's disqulsitiyeness, argued
for Cleveland, while Mr.. Jarphly was
loud in his admiration for Blaine. One
evening after retiring the debate grew very
acrimonious, and at last Mr.. Jarphly ex-
claimed:
80, shut up! You women are so fond of
talking about what you don't know moth
ing about"
Don't l." exclaimed Mrs. Jarphly. ''If
/ knew as much about beer and as little
about politics as you do I'd acknowledge
it. James 6. Blaine Will never be Presi-
dent!"
If he amt elected, I'll 90 out any night
you say, just as am, and tell this neigh
bOrhood Pm the darndest fool in Alleghe-
ny! And now 60 to sleep, will you? I've
got to getup in the morning"
The following day Mr.. Jarphly had for
gotten all about the discussion. Net so
his wife, however. She treasured it up,
and, after Cleveland's election was in
sured, she made her husband, who was al
ready sore over the defeat, a great deal
sorer. Numerous times she bantered him
to make good his promise Of going upon
the front steps in deshabille and telling
the neighbOrs he was the darndest fool in
Allegheny. But beyond the banter moth
ing more was seriously said about fulfill
ing the obligation.
Monday night Jarphly, who had been
keeping exceptionally early hours, came
home at very unreasonable time. He
had dull, dead-sea-wave, bury-me-in-the-
woodlands feeling in his legs as he ascend
ed the steps and pulled the bell. To his
utter surprise Mrs. Jarphly, all Wreathed
in smiles, met him. No reference was
made 10 its being midnight, and they
billed and cOoed in the happiest manner.
Jarphly never was so tickled in his life,
and told his wife that he had that very day
been looking over some 5ealskin sacques,
and was not only highly gratifed but
greatly surprised to hear her intimate
that she believed HIM. Shortly after re-
firing Mrs. Jarphly started up and said
she thought she heard a noise in the hall. !
81 don't hear nothing" said Jarphly.
Pm sure L did," responded the lady.
80, nonsense. You women are so !
timid"
You mean men are so timid | really |
believe you are afraid to go look"
Am l!' holly exclaimed Mr.. Jarphly, |
fired by the reflection upon his bravery. |
Il know it's all fOolshness, but Just TO |
please you Pll 60 and See" and up he I
jumped, and, selling q b0otjack, went |
down stairs, closely followed By his wife. |
"Ihere, didn't Itell you ~ he exclaimed, |
as they reached the front door.
| 10
door, Listen. There! I'm sure did!'
eXcitediy whispered the lady.
"Bosh' cried Jarphly, cOntemptuous-
ly. "fll open it for YOU" And forth
with he opened it and stepped out into the
moonlight. There, are you satisfied
nOw?"
Yes and the door closed with a bang,
and the bolt Was shot on it with lightning I
speed, !.
Good graciousr5 cried the dismayed (
man around whose uncovered limbs the
night wind played III mournful dirges.
Hi therel Let me in!' and he com
menced pounding on the door. Let me !
in l say! Quick! Here's somebody com |
ing up the street, Somebody's coming /
the other way too! Let me inl There's I
ladies with both partjesl Martha! Mar
tina! I'll get you the sacque. o, you de-
tricky old ching! Let me in. I'll /
have you arrested Tor assault"
Mrs. Jarphly, having by this time
reached the second-f0or front room,
opened the window and calmly called |
down:
''Pay your bet, jeremiah. Tell the peo-
pie what you are"
you let me IN" cried the sufferer
'GTeat Scott! here's four women and six
men coming each wavl Open that door,
l say!" and he pounded away, but his
bare feet prevented kicking. Window at
ter window flew up. "It's that terrible
Jarphly; he's on another racket l sup
pose" Poor Mrs. Jarphly, how she sui-
fers with that man." cried another.
Drunk, as usual" "He'll get killed
yet.'' blessing if he would" 'Why, he
must have the tremens" "LoOk! he's
got no clothes Onv' "TOck the gutter for !
his bedroom and undressed in it, pro-
baby" "Call the pOlieep "POliceV
''POlicew Hell kill somebodyw
''Police!" Aud window after window
flew open, head after head surveyed the
over 10 the unhappy Jarphly, who had
wrapped a doOr-mat about his person and
was executing a FIJI hOrnpipe as he
banged away at the panels and demanded
admittance.
'Pay your bet. Tell the neigh5Ors what
you are" was the wife's reply TO each
demand to be let in. People were begin
ming to pour INTO the streets. A potato
took him one in the rear. A stone banged
against he door. Courage deserted him,
and turning he cried out:
Pm the darDdest fool in AlleghenyW
You bet you are" came back in hearty
as the bare limbs and door-mat
through the door,