Morning journal and courier., 1885-01-12
INNOCENT.

One day baby heard dreadful squealing in neighbor's pig sty. "What makes that pig squeal sos'' asked mamma. ''I fink dey're spankin' he, said baby solennly. 'Oh yes," said the Kentucky man, "we keep COW and also have we'll We can't make the punches without milk, you know, and COW can't get along without water. r."- Philadelphia Call.
 Innocence abroad by moonlight: Mother to three-year-old out for walk after tea: F'See the full moon, Mabell" Mabel suffering from satiation: F'Has the moon had supper, too?'-Chicago Current.
 MT. Richards was down cellar sorting po- tatoes. A friend, called in to see him, asked if it wasn't hard work to keep at that busi- ness all day. ''Oh no, said he; F'but it is 8 great strain on the judgment. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
 "Very cold last night, MT. Townsend" i" ob- served the reporter. 'fCold! I should say so. Went home; lit 8 candle; jumped into
 bed; tried to blow candle out; couldn't do it.;
 blaze frozen; had to break it off, replied MT
 Townsend (Nev.) Enterprise The seats in a western church are set on pivots, like those in a dry goods store. This enables the fair worshiper who sits pretty we'll up in front to turn around and count
 the number of new bonnets in the house without screwing her head off almost and going home with stiff neck-Norristown Herald
 ''Now then" said Sunday school teacher who was trying to explain a miracle to her class, ''how do you account for Peter being able to walk on the surface Of the wateT?'' ''I know!" said a little bright-eyed boy whose father lost a limb at the siege of
 Vicksburg. 'FWell, how do you account for Peters walking the water?' ''He had cork legs and they wouldn't let him sink!'' said the little fellow triumphantly. Paris Beacon.
 Little Dick-''What is those animals in that big window, mammas' Mamma 'tThat is fur store window and the animals are seals and bears" ''Is they alive?' ''Oh, no. They were shot and stuffed and then stood up to look if they were alive" sWho are those ladies in the window by them, mammal s'They are dressed up fig the ladies aliveg' "No pet" ''Was they shot and stuffed toos"-Philadelphi Call.
 'tGive me a ticket for Boston Quickl' excitedly exclaimed wild eyed man to the
 ticket agent at the Grand Central depot
 s'What's your hurry, sir?'' asked the agent
 sOh, don't ask me! I haven't time to ex- plain" "The train doesn't leave for half an hour yet" s'Isti't there one that leaves right awayT' "No, sir. Any friend of yours dy- ings' Great Scott, no!'' f'What's your
 hurry?" "Why, I've just read in this paper
 that there are IS, 900 more women than men In Boston. |" Neu what Of that!' w ell, you see I'm Mormon missionary and I-'' ''Good morning!" shouted the agent, slam ming down the window.-Drake's Travellers Magazine.
 The Rhinoceros and the Lawyer-A Rhino- ceros having run down Lawyer, stood over the Prostrate man for 8 Moment to gloat upon his prize, when the Victim made an Earnest Appeal for his life, claiming that he would some day Return the great favor The Rbinoceros Daliberated for a while, and then Decided to let the Lawyer go. Several weeks afterward the Beast got into a row with an
 Elephant and killed him, and Fearing trou- ble he went to the Lawyer and said: s'Now
 is the time to Return that Favor want
 you to Defend my case" s'Oh-ah-exact- ly,'' stammered the Lawyer. ''but you are
 just too late. Only last night the Friends of the Elephant Retained me to help prose cute you. Sorry, you Know, but first come,
 first Served" Moral: When you get law yer on the Hip never let go.-Detroit Free Press.