The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-02-05
WIT AND HUMOR.


the corn-plaster peddler at the busy
mans elbow. Eyes; am supplied"
answered the busy man, without look
| ing up.
The Prince of Wales is Colonel of six
teen different regiments. This is not
circumstance to Florida; here we have
sixteen Colonels to one regiment
Florida Times Union.
Thirteen young ladies in Newark, N.
j., have pledged themselves not to kiss
young men who use tobacco. The re-
naming l .215 girls will continue to kiss
anybody they get chance to.
At a Sunday-school in New York a
teacher asked a new scholar, little
girl, what her name was. She replied:
s.Helen French An urchin in an ad-
joining seat sang out: ''What is it in
A young man who was courting a
widow asked her if she objected to
smoking. .Oh, no." she said; ''poor
John was very fond of tobacco, and l
allowed him to smoke all he wanted to
before we were married.
Post.
The biggest exaggeration the Boston
Herald has seen, is that made by man
in Minnesota during the late cold
spell. He said: "Cold? Well. l should
say so. We had to give the stove four
doses of quinine yesterday to keep it
from shaking the lids of"
A dude fell into pond not over three
feet deep, but made no effort to rescue
himself until citizen in blouse came
along and pulled him out. When ask
ed why he didn't crawl out without as
sistance. he replied that he twas too
much of gentleman to help himself. "
-Burlington Free Press.
An English clergyman was rebuk;ng
his congregation for deserting him on q
charity sermon, Sunday. ''Why is il"
he asked, ..that to-day the church is
full, and this day week, because there
was a collection, it was simply emp
typ "'Cos yer don't give tick"
shouted voice from the free SEATS
Boston Globe.
A gentleman whom it would be gross
flattery to call homely remarks to a
child at house where he is visiting:
'Well, my fine boy, what do you think
about me, ehp" The child gags him
self with his fingers and remains si-
lent. "Come, row," says the visitor.
kindly, '.why won't you tell me what
you think about me?" "'Caase l
don't want to be whipped"
Some of the scientific papers are pub
fishing an item to the effect that we are
indebted to Pompeii for the canned
fruit industry. 1t appears that soon
after the excavations had commenced a
party of Americans found some jars of
preserved figs in the pantry of lava
covered house. The contents were
found to be good, and during the next
year fruit-canning was introduced into
the United States. II,
81 see," he said, as he folded up his
paper, 'sthat the Louisville & Nashville
Railroad wants further financial re-
lief" .'Does itp" replied the other, as
his hand involuntarily went up to his
pocketbook. Eyes; needs it bad. y
'.Well, I'm sorry, and l hope they
won't blame me. That stock has
shrunk me out of over $4,000 in the
last five years, and 1 don't know what
else can do. That's all had to lose. -
A young man becoming engaged re-
Gently was desirous of presenting his
intended with ring appropriately in
scribed, but being at a loss what to have
engraved on it called upon his father
for advice. ..Well," said the old man,
"put on, when this you see. remem-
ber me-" The young lady was much
surprised few days after at receiving
beautiful ring with this inscription:
sWhen this you see, remember father!''
An ex-Confederate story-teller says
that during one of Lees battles neal
Richmond he saw comradc on his
knees, with his hand held high above
his head, crying out: Come along,
furlough; come along" He wanted a
finger taken off SO he could GO home.
An officer came behind him and gave
him violent kick. The soldier cried:
IF that amt discharge, I'll be hang
ed" He said afterward that he thought
piece of burst shell had struck him.
Kate Field says she spent eighteen
months in Utah without eating one
well-cooked meal. Kate should have
purchased herself penny's worth of
salt, two-bit sirloin steak, and nick
els worth of rolls at the bakers. Then,
by the aid of stove poker or shovel
and bed of co Is in her CRATE at the
hotel, she could have had a well-cook-
ed meal fit for king. A bottle of Mil
waukee-drank out of the bottle, with
out glass-would have crowned the
repast with imperial goodness.
A celebrated organist slipped off his
bench, recently, while playing a Bach
fugue as postlude. He was immedi-
ately expelled from the church as a
Bach-slider, and is now a fugue-tive.-
The Keynote. They pursued him with
a canon, when this SWeU made use of
his pedal organs, and never came to a
stop till he reached a thirty-two-toot
abyss. Next!-Musical Courier. Well,
next, he would probably Keraulophon
the edge of the ''abyss" rather than
tumble in.
Captain Each, Piute who is said to
have kicked up his heels and cavorted
over the alkali plains of Nevada for
more than eighty summers, being ques-
toned in regard to the weather of the
coming winter, said: ''YOu see um this
winter he be one way of two. n>he
take warm road he be more warm as
any winter in long time; if he take cold
road he be worst winter ever you dam
see. He no be like common winter
he be big hot or big cold. .'''-7eryltorial
Enterprise.
''Burchley," said the managing edi-
tor to reporter, ''you will doubtless
be a great newspaper-man some day,
but at present you write too plainly.
This is great oversight on your part.
What you want is a cOmpositor to stand
off and frown at your copy. Without
this recognition of genius you can new
er make a reputation. The printers
can almost read your copy, Burchley.
Don't be so careless. Get you black
ing brush and write your immortal sem
tences on a pine board. If you can't
find one sit on the fence till we call
you. '-Arkansaw Traveller
Mr.. and Mrs. Biles. with the best in
tentions in the world, being old resi-
dents, called upon wealthy family
that had settled near them. Mr.. and
Mrs. Biles are plain people, and thesre-
ception they met with was net just
what they expected. ''Abigail," said
the old man, don't you think their
manner of showing us out was rather
frosty?" mo, don't! Think it was
rather summary replied his wife.
''Well, by gosh!' exclaimed the old
man.
Not long since New Hampshire
committeeman was examining an in.
fant-school class. "Can any little girl
or boy give the definition of the word