Daily Republican., 1885-08-05
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

klabeo3 anu lCOklHR aCTO-b tub way az
they sauntered down the avenue
"W eally, now, 1 have seen her num-
bah Of times, don't you know, but al.
Such harmony of outline, don't you
know" !" (which lady do you mean"
inquired the young friend, looking
across the way. The lady with drab
hat and feathers and long seal cloak.
BY Jove She looks over heah and
smiles" with lapguid enthusiasm.
That lady Is a very intimate friend
of mine" Weslly-weally, intro.
duce nae I'm dying to be presented,
don't you know :" Certainly, If you
say so." Who is she % She Ia
my grandmother.
Il tho ught / was in heaven doctor, "
said the patient, land there was no
| more pain, no more sorrow, no more
,, sleepless nights. The birds sang as l
had never heard them sing before the
| trees bore the richest, Iarest fruits the
grass was like velvet, threaded with
silver, where the pleasant waters flow
ed ; the air was q harmony of May and
October, and there WAS over all the in
| etfable swee,n ss of rest and joy. l.:
was life and love and hope, and-and-"
The patien, Put his hand to his head
YEARLY. "Aud 1. disturbed the
dream ." asked the doctor. Yes,
doctor, when l saw you, l know II
| wasn't heaven, or II IL waa, that yOu
were in the wrong house, and l awoke. u
a distinguished Boston divine, of
| unusually solemn and impressiS G
! appearance, went out to q country tov n
not long ago 10 lecture. He arrived
! early in the afternoon, and all the own
of course spotted" him within five
minutes as a very great and very saint ,
| man. He went into drug store, anu,
| in tones that froze the young blood oi
| the clerk behind the counter, said
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS" 'Y
yes, SIR" said the trembling clerk
I'm sorry, but 1 learned the habit
yourg and haven't been able to quite il
yet" "Then," said the great divine
! without the movement IF muscle OF
the abatement OF a shade of the awful
solemnity of his voice, "can You tell
me where can get good cigar?"
Pa" observed a Danbury boy 10 hi.
| father, "Wbat does Mr.. Pitkins and
Julia find to talk about in the parlol
by themselves for hours night every
night in the week ?" The old gentle
man pulled a splint out Of the broom
and slowly prodding his teeth with il
said "I got hunk of meat yester
day, an we had it boiled for dinner
didn't we ?" Yte" "An' hadn'
it cooled for supper % Yes" "An
your ma hashed it up for breakfas,
this morning. didn't she p Yes. ,
"And to day 1 got another hunk
which is on the same road ain't it %
Yes" "Well, that's the way with
Pitkips and your sister Julia"
A saloon keeper of Eureka, who has
suffered from the prevailing dull times
posted q large card on his outer door
bearing the inscription " Positively
| DO admittance to-day" Every ont
who saw the notice wss puzzled, aud
human-like, attempted TO enter, which
as the door as not locked, was readily
accomplished. The genial barkeepei
was found at his post, and, with non
| chalant air, would inquire Well
gentlemen, what will you have q
Every man thus ensnared, with suf
ficiept amount of coin in his pocket tt
pay for drink, would inbihe, and ther
tice on the door.
"How do you like America ?" h
inquired of the sweet English girl
d" Very much" she answered frankly
&" Although I've been in Boston mos
of my time Your men are delightful
bat your girls are not pretty. l hav'
not seen dimple since 1 have beer
here" But you have no dimple
Yourself" he ventured. "No; but
used to have" said she. "One time
though, when was studying German
got one OF those awkward ten-sy llabl,
words in my mouth, and it poked th'
dimples right out"
1.-THE development at the back of tb
head, my friends. Indicates parenta
Affection" explained the rhrenolosist
Now, you will observe" he went on
feeling of the boys head, "that thi
bump.is abnormalih size, thus indicatin
that he loves and reveres his parents I
an nm sual degree. Is this not so, m.
lad ." NAV" "Wbat's that? YoI
do not love your parents? 90 81 thinl
we'll enough Of ma" the boy replied
"but amt very fond of de old man
That bump you're feelin' of he give m
last night wild a base bali club"
"Oh. mamma" cried )itt''
girl, I've been to to the museum snt
saw half woman there" A hal
woman," repeated d the mother; "wasn'
IUtT6 duOt u6E Udli NO, Inau u
there was only half of her, and she wa,
Urging in swing all the same
:" Was she aliveo" e Yes, indeed, apt
she smiled and moved her bands. apt
famed hecself and all that" Di,
|she .alk?" "Of course" interrupt't
k.ba husband snd fatber, " OF course sh,
ttall:ad. Sho wouldn' I be half woman
Il she didn1:-'
, 1T am looklng for. desirable plac,
to loc ate a daily paper. remarked ,
pex tlemsn frsn Chicago yesterday
"I sii ould think in growing plac'
like New York u live, npicy, eBtarpri
sing daily mia.t be made 10 pay
" Mister" said -fha citizen addressed
" do sou mind tast han sitting on ,
dry. goods box acsoss the the sireet?'
"That ons-eyed, wooden Legged gen
tleman with the scar on his neck?'
!" Yes." "He started jeet sech a dali,
oncet in this city,"
One Of the Japanese students. wGfI,
ont for sSroll, was aeeosted by sopno
more with the inquiry. What's you,
nasue?" The gentlemsa from Japsl
answered politely, giving his surname
| "Oh." rejoinsd the questiOner, "yot
heathens have but one name, 1 see.
,, was the reply.
J Mamma (poiuting to some luclothed
chernbs)--" Lizzie. If you are q good
girl you will go to heaven and be lik,
| those little angels" Lizzie (who has $
strict sense of propriety)-" wAll,
hope I'll be better dressed than tfey
are"
"Jenms.n said Parson Bledso, of the
Blue Light Tabernacle, "wby don't
yer pray fur rain?" "Bskase de Bible