The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-08-27
suzss WIT AND HUMOR.

W no have flrted Win nef without con-
ing to the point She calls it her
gallery.
Carving to accommodate: ''Will you
carve the roast beef. Mr.. JOrlapp' ask
ed the lsndlady, singing II sweet smile
at the head boarder. Certainly, with
pleasure, madam" responded Jorlap;
..where's the saw?"-Merchant 1rau-
eler.
The cashier of the East Saginaw
Savings bank, who recently skipped to
Canada with $3.50. 900. has just scnt
back check for 5000. to be used In
eularoing the almshouse ut that town.
He saws that no one shall accuse him
of not feeling for the poor depositors.
..Now, Uncle Gabe. if you have got
anything on your heart, any last w,sh'
sneak out" said the Rev. Whangdoo-
die Baxter to an old negro who had on
ly few hours to live.
81 amt got no last wish 'cept dat 1
wants ter get we'll. l."-ArkansasO 1TaU-
elen
John, did you so round and ask
how old Mrs. Jones was this morning,
ms told YOU to do last night?' Yes,
sir" ..Woll, what was tho result?'
..She said that seeing as how you had
the impudence to ask how old she was,
she'd no objection to telling you she
was IA"
..rhey are making u door with five
keyholes," said Mrs. Auger. whats
tho uso of having so manyP" asked Mr..
Aueer. sit will be much easier to UNI
lock. You can find it more easily
when YOU como home late. replied the
kind lady. s.Rubbishm responded MIR.
Auger. ..Idiocy! When 1 come home
late one key-hole is about all l care to
find. "-FucS.
Miss B.-I wish that conceited fool
wouldn't annoy me so much with MS
attentions wish he'd mind his own
business.
Miss F.-He can't mind his own bus
mess.
:, Miss B.-Because he's got no busi-
nessP
Miss F.-Bocause he's got no mind.
--fhiiadeLphiG Call.
A. j. Cashdollar was among the ap-
plicauts for a marriage license before
Judge Satin this week. That is what
is needed in these parlous times, when
a man takes unto himself a wife.
Love in a cottage" is all very well in
its way. but the wkerewilh to keep the
wolf from climbing in at the Kitchen
window is q very necessary adjunct to
orange bloSsOms.-OhtO State Journal.
A census-taker at Buffalo had fun
nv experience. After The usual ques-
tions had been put and answered at a
house, he was about to leave, when the
woman, who had seemed in an uncer.
tain state of mind, made bold to say:
81 think there may be another by this
time; wait little while" He sat for
q few minutes. She returned. exclaim-
ing: Yes. you can add another. It's
q girl"
Mr.. Tompkins Qo Manager Snap
show who has just returned from Eu-
.rope): did you have Il pleasant tripP'
Snapshow: ''Oh. yes; but was very
'homesck until reached Rome. l felt
all right there" Tompkins: '.How
was thata" Snapshow: why, spent
two days in the catacombs, and the
collection of dead heads there made
ma feel as though l was at home
again
=. A Kentuckian called on the President
the other day, with a view to obi ain al
well, sir" said the President, whc
was busy, what will you have?"
The Kentuckian's anxiety in behaE
of his object and the rather abrupt
manner of the President confused hin
somewhat and he stammcred out:
.sM-make it the sesame as be-before.
'-NeW York Times.
Many devices have been put in us,
by actors and lecturers to keep from
smiling, but the simplest and most eff
fective is to put a small wooden buttoI
lin the mouth, and bite down on it ev
Isry time the impulse to laugh make
itself manifest. Some grit their teeth
or cringe their toes. and famous min
strel for a long time resorted to thu
scheme of sticking pin in his thigh.
-rBalfinlore Herald.
A witness discounted lawyer by s
rather unexpected reply. To the ques
ton: what is your nameP ''H
Bamberger." was the answer. "Wha
is your Christian name2" asked the at
torney. Il have no Christian name. ,
said MIR. Bamberger. mo Christian
nameP How is thatP" For the sim
pie reason that l am Jew. My full
name is Herman Bamberger." Th
lawyer gracefully acknowledged his de
feat.
American heiress (who had just mar
ried title)-"What did that vulra
fellow mean by addressing you SO ia
miiiarly, CountP" Foreign Count Che
new husband) -tOh, nothing. nothing
my dear. Ho just happened to know
me-" ,.But he did not call you by you
titlep' .'Well, no." 'Don't he kno,
you are a count?" mo; he only know
me by my stage name" Stage name
How romantic! Why. you darling,
did not know YOU had been on tn
stage" "On, Yes; Eve been driving
Broadway stage for ten years. "-Fhil
0detphi.t coll.
'.La!" sai;i gushing, sweet gin
graduate visiting in the vale OF Pochun
as she saze,l on a stretch of orchar
trees in bloom. LA! How pink
sweet and deliciously. delicately fr,
grant those apple blows are. They ell
chlnt one awfully!''
''Ya-a-s," said the honest farme
who held the deeds TO the bioomin
acreage. '.Them blossoms is smcllir
good. But. great sprouts! ye orto g
a sniff on 'eln in the fall, arter they v
been 'stilled inter juice! Yum yum
Ten minutes with a gallon on 'em ther
As Wutn i nun mOntn Win Al Ofcnar
on 'em nowr'-M T. Sua
The LiUin9 Uurci tells this Sunday
school story. The teacher was explain
ing about Solomon and his wisdom
-.Now, dears, who was the great Quee
who travelled so many miles and mile
to see this King?" Silence prevaile
in the class. why. you do know, a
OF you. The Queen who came to Sc
the Kingp' The name had been fo1
gotten by the class. In order to hel
them the kind but misguided teacht
bega6-to offer little assistance. ..Yo
do know, 1 am sure. The name begir
with 5. and she was very grei
Queen" just then up shot a It'll
hand aud out spoke the triumplaI
voice of the little auburn haired gin
She transtixod the listening schou
room with the following brief Stat
nent: Il know, it was the Q leen
Spades"
They did not often give dinner parti