Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-07-31

/ DuttU Grdphic.
clear about that washout , asked Bag
gagemaster Layton of a reporter the
other day. mo" said the latter. excited
notebook. "Where was ii? Anybody
hurt What line was it on ~
Nobody hurt" was the calm response,
IT'S right up here on Mrs. Mulligan's
clothes line The reporter collapsed
with loud report. -Sprinqfeld (O1
GlObe.
Yesterdays weather had stick in it,
sure boston Post.
Miss Parloa is out in II letter giving di-
rections about what to take to picncs Is
the supply of girls exhausted in Boston p
Philadclphid Cdl.
Buffalo Bill has expressed wish TO be
locked up in room with DR.. Carver for
awhile. The result would be that both of
them would be as full of holes as sieve
". y. JOurndl
When you see a counterfeit coin on the
sidewalk, always pick it up You are
liable to arrest if you try to pass it-Inde-
pendent.
A prohibition paper published in Buffa-
10 has standing heading which reads,
white wheat whiskey wastes wealth,
wrecks womanhood, wallops wives" 1t
might add, Bitter beer brings beggary,
breaks bones, begets british behavior. y
Taunton gazette
A Texas judge fined man for calling
him Il liar while court was in session. The
Judge, in explaining to the mans friends
said; 81 know that | am Il liar, but not
while court is in session, gentlemen. -
ArhdHSdC TrdrcllCr.
What is it that keeps you busy writing
so late in your study every night ," asked
Mrs. lerger of her husband. II am writ
ing the history of my life 81 suppose
you mention me in it ?" "Oh, yes: call
you the sunshine of my existence" Do |
really throw SO much sunshine into your
daily life - 81 refer to you rs the sun
shine of my existence because you make it
hot for me" rise in the Thermometer
occurred Immediately after the foregoing
conversation.-TCrdS SttinyS.
He went into bakery and pointing to a
sheet of tly-paper on the counter said
81 want some er that ere sheet ginger
bread with currants in it.'-LWH Lniou
Hungry guest-"How is this | or
dered a steak and poached egg; | see
the egg, but where is the steak :" Sable
attendant-"Dat's all right, sab De steak
am under de egg. "-ChicdgO RumbIcr.
The Concord School of Philosophy has
begun operations again though there
didn't seem to be any call for it after the
publication of Miss Cleyeland's book
Boston Transcript
Bishop Corrigan has confirmed eight
thousand persons this year The bishot
ate mcetS.-LOlCCU courier.
1t took six Philadelphia policemen to
get Il drunken female cook to the station
house. She had just advertised "Place
wanted by Il sober, sweet-tempered cook. -
-DctroH Free Press.
Father Hennepin was the white man
who first SAW Niagara but the world will
never know how near the Indians came tC
bankruptinG him for taking nim round
boston GlObC
Ladies' and gentlemen" said an Irish
manager to an audience of three ''aS there
is nobody here, I'll dismiss you all. Tn,
performance of this night will not be per
formed, but Will he repeated tomorrow
evening. - rchuuge.
Rev Mr. Styles of Bungton to usher il
uptown church)-"Will you show me tC
IA pew, please ~ Usher-"You can take
any of the back pews. sir" Rev. Mr.
Slytes-"But | am Rev. Mr. Styles OF
Bungton.' Usher-"'rhat doesn't make
any difference, sir. The back pews can be
occupied by anybody who behaves him
self. '-NotC YORK sun.
Rev. DR.. Newman Smyth of New Haver
J was robbed of his pocket book at the re
cent college race in New London. Thi:
robbing "A man of his chances to bet on
race is about as despicable Il piece o
business as we know Of Burlington
FREE PRESS. AS the doctor would prob
ably have bet on the Yale crew it is fortu
, nate, for he would have lost the money
anyway and would have fallen from vir
tue in vain.-BOStOn Post.
The greatest feat on roller skates is
credited to Chicago girl Kentucky
state Journal.
1t is thought by the time he gets out o
prison, James d. Fish will be Que of tn,
, best cobblers in the country.-BOStoH
Post.
, The old quatrain beginning 'the rose il
, red Is hardly true III the case of Mis-
Rose Cleveland. She is not ad.-BWg
hampton Republican.
What are the last teeth that come .
asked Lynn teacher to her class in ply
/ siology.
False teeth, num-, replied boy whc
had just walked up on the back seat-Ly,I
linton.
: OF course, everybody admires careful
} woman but when man has pulled tn
street door to with il slam that made tn,
whole house shudder, it MAIDS him fear
| fully to have his wife ask in her geutl,
way, Are you sure you latched that door
, Charles :''-BoStOn Transcript.
. "Do you personally know the witness
think he is man to be trusted 81 Il an
l certain of it." "You would trust him
know | have trusted him for tire
years" I'm what way ," For beer -
= Philadelphia cal.
$ Assistant editor to editor-The foreman
informs me that we lack Il quarter of
column OF the usual quantity OF editorial
Editor-lndeed. Have you written u
-, all the subjects gave you to-day
1 A. +. ALI.
A Elm We've exhausted every topi
| Of particular interest. Have you anything
to suggest
A. E.-Nothing.
E.-Then write quarter column articl
r telling people how to avoid, Cholera
Boston Courier.