The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-06-27

| She READ the NalculcIoTyi Twas uccP anu "H
| alytic,
And scored splendid victory DER every carp
ing critic;
But much fear her logic clear and all her
| moods and lenses
Were lost upon my listning ear and my en-
rapturcd senses.
For when she talked Of botany, and leaves
| and grass and rushcs,
| I only saw the roses red that mingled in her
bushes.
And when she spoke Sf history, and turned
its lamp.stained pages,
To me its only mystery was what the dear
girls age Is
| She wandered off on plus y, on cubes ana
squares grew lowery;
1t set me thinking what might be the figure
OF her dowry.
| SO, bordering down in the parquet, ia set
my heart TO WOO her,
When she picked up huge boquct some
other fellow threw her.
Took out note, blushed rosy red, smoothed
all its pinky cresses,
While over my devoted head my castle went
to pieces.
Lacon had a 10000 fire last week,
There is no fire company In that city, and
the editor Of the U0me Journal, along with
inditing red hot editorials for the Lacon-
ties, announces that he will sell them hand
grenades. The H. j. man has level head
between his shoulders, and his hand gren-
ade idea is not bad one,
The statue of Liberty Enightening the
World " has an eye % inches in width, the
nose is As inches long, the index finger is |
05 inches, having nail over II inches in
length The toe nail Of the statue is some |
what larger than that of the average Streat- |
or girl, being about Is inches long. No
woman with toe nail nearly that large |
can ever consistently hope to get husband.
She would be a too formidable antagonist |
for her hubby.
A Petersburg exchange has this forlorn
wall; it is most piteous to hear and would |
almost melt heart petrited by all that
was bad: "Out of 147 delinquent sub |
scribers to the Democrat who came to town
last Saturday, thee called and paid what
they owed US. If the ratio is preserved to-
day we may be able to secure enough liver
for our Sunday dinner"
~"
The Gossiper is told that Waiting can no
longer be objected to on moral grounds,
because of the unhallowed laying on of |
hands, as a StreatOr man is busy inventing
"A series of belts and trunk handle attach
ments by which the boys can whirl their
lasses through the may waltz without
coming in contact with them. If ii could
succeed, that sort of patent would soon
break up this most popular mode Of dane
ing-the poetry of motion, as it is rightly
termed. The young mans natural trunk
handles are all the ladies desire. The
Streator mans patent should be heavily sat
down upon, and it WILL
A young man of this city recently relat
ed to the Gossiper that when a girl has just
graduated from the high school, with
yearning for the unbelievable, young
man who has money, and belongs to church
and the best society, may frequently call
on her and enquire after her mothers
health, but he stands no chance alongside
the fellow that wears false shirt front and
celluloid cuffs and collars, and who calls
her a saccharine conglomeration of ami
mated particles, as he presses her to his
terra Gotta moustache, and sips the doubly-
distilled sweetness from her lips Better
not modest such rival; he holds four aces
against you.
1t is high time that an emphatic protest
be entered against the uncanplimentary
manner of referring to Ottawa by uncOuth
clowns and uncivilized Doors that dwell In
neigboring cities. The crack. Drained idiot
who calls this "moss. covered village"
must have never crossed wooden bridge
In his life. Ottawa Is one of the few beau
tifully located and handsome cities OF the
state. It 10 above the mean, low and un-
neighborly feeling that prompts such jeal-
ousy Of 1t as finds footing at Mendoza,
La Sale and Streator. The press Of this
city, II 1t has nothing exceptionally CON-
mendable to say of these cities, rarely or
ever descends to low wit or coarse abuse OF
persons who live therein word, II 1t has
nothing good 70 say of those cities, 1t says
nothing bad. On the other hand, newsps-
per men of streator, La Sale and other
places, who frequently come here to drum
up subscribers and get Ottawa people to
patronize their starving sheets, just as soon
as they get home return the favor by heap
ing on Ottawa and its people the vilest and
most indecent abuse. 1t IL, indeed, high
time that the undiscovered village" as
these undignified boobies term Ottawa,
should rise up and give them such chill
ing reception that they will not again
come among the people they so roundly