Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-10-01
A CHRONICLE.
Written for ne Register.

UFtHen jOF me EeQlSisr.
Verify this is a strange world. List to the
seer and sage. Years g q man who liyeth
in the peaceful ssnctusries of the Quaker
City seeth from abroad the ~wickedness re,
sultiDg from Democratic misrule in the in,
i~quitous State Of sin and West Virginia. He
was of great purity and love for the people,
unadulterated and unbiased. He gather.
eth up his robes and his pen and his money
and goeth to that State, where he pur,
chsseth an interest in an orgsn-nots hand
organ, but q psper-snd he sssumeth edi-
torial charge on account Of his interest,
rather than from q too largely developed
brain.
Lo and behold the food of light and re-
form which followed He Immediately sp-
pointed himself the Republican party of the
State; but seemingly on account of the run
ming gears being out of order he failed to
elect himself.
He also turneth himself to reform the
Supreme Court of that Ubiquitous State Of
West Virginia, and 10 the people did rejoice;
they felt that he would likewise appoint
himself the Supreme Court, and relieve the
down trodden from the feudsl tyranny"
which he piously said they exercised.
But woe Is US! Like the little boy who
fcoleth with the hand wagon, he got tangled
in a wheel. He resigneth his job as Supreme
Court. Cost 1856. Tears, lamentations,
woe again is u.s. Being of generous mind
he still let the Supreme Court continue bus
mess at its old stand. Verify such kind
ness is ccmmendsble.
He then turnelh his abnormal reforming
qualities to the sinful city of Wheeling, and
appointed himself Lord Protector. He
6leth his paper with delightful stories of
gambling, prostitution, bagnios, drunken
ness and evils, until verify not only he
knoweth the city to be one of sin, but the
public for many miles around believeth that
Wheeling is a sheol Of q place. Verify he
doeth good for the city, leading all honest
men and ~Virtuous women to avoid its dead
" air. The cause, therefore, most Just and
reasonable, he dischsrgeth the police force
Oh, Y are Democrats, therefore sinful) Wee
is US. They wouldn ot stay discharged. He
then forceth upon an innocent public, for
Sunday and religious reading those delight
full serials OF debauchery, prostitution and
drunkenness. Truly one would imagine
LQbL NC hoo OuG WOA SAALOA VI NAoh ObAOA
moral organ, the Police Gazette. Verify
we should rejoice that sin and p~rostitu-
ton exists, or, oh Jupiter, how difficult it
would be to edit the Inteligencer.
1t seemeth to some that it would be best to
refer these sinful matters to the proper
souree-the body, of elders, the Council
and protect the fair name of Wheeling.
Vsrlly the editor thinketh this not the course
and With pain he bloweth into the face
of an u~nofendrng public q cyclone
OF filth. Verify, verify, he Is a good
man, and Wheeling should rejoice or bring
a suit TOR defamation of character. Truly II
is revolution to his soul, it pains" him,
good msn), to be FORCED to give the pub
lie such delicate reading, while at the sane
{ me he racketh and wearieth his brain N
hunting up the aforesaid matter. Oh, con
sisteucy, thou sre q jewel, bigger than that
which shineth on q hotel clerks shirt
bosom!
Verify, verify 3 crown awaited for him,
and the seer ssyeth on next election, the
good people will rejoice and abolish the
Council, likewise Mayor and police force
and amid h~ussnnahs, songs, garlsnds and
bass drums, the good editor viii be called
with a crown of oak and olive on his brow,
to be dictator and protector supreme and
alone of the city-Wheeling. If they doeth
not this, woe, woe &c hsw whoa is u.s.
Goodness and purity hath its reward; Elijah
went in o chariot of fire. Enoch was trans
lated, and verify the miracle may again be
repeated.
We shall now gather our robes about Us
and bic to our housetOps with our telescope
ard watch for this coming hegirs or trans.
laton, and it after q months patient wait.
ing he eometh not from the slums of wick.
sdness Of Wheeling, We shall sadly pre-
sumo that he is only an editor working the
Pail Mall Gazette racket for all it's worth"
The seer and prophet has said his say
METHCSELAH JONES.
Moundsyille.