The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-01-17
PAT DOMAINS NIGHTMARE.
IPhiladelphia News.l

Everybody who is anybody, from Manitoba to Bar Harbor, knows Pat. Douan. He is the man who wrote for Proctor Knott, the Kentucky congress man, his famous Duluth speech, since the delivery of which MT KEott has done nothing to make him worth speaking about. Donan several years ago deliv- cred Fourth of July oration in the land of "The Unsalted seas" that even now makes part and parcel of every well-reg- ulated guide book of the great north west. He was delegate to the Epist opal con ven,ion that assembled in Philadelphia two years ago, he having temporarily hedged himself about with ecclesiastical propriety, that he might gain a bishop and bishopric for the territory of Da- kota. He was successful, of course, and since then he has been known among his familiars as the 'bishop-maker."
 Some of Proctor Kuott's friends have been foolish enough to contradict the assertion that his incompaIably funny Duluth speech was written by any one other than himself, and even Pat. Donan will deny it. Hereafter, however, even the latter gent,sTnsn's reputation for ve-
 
 greater support than can ever be de- rived from the land of the setting sun, where exagger .tion is unknown. MT. P. Donan has been invited to the annual dinner of the Clover Club. His reply is conveyed in a personal letter to an officer of the club, an excerpt from which is here given. After reading it Mir. Proctor Knott will surely not have the presump. tion to claim the parentage of his own literary infant Pat. Donan writes from Fargo, Dakota, under date of December P, as follows:
 For any real delay and seeming neg lect in the matter of acknowledging and replying to your very kind letter have good and sufficient reasons plenty as the "blackberries" Falstaff gathered for Prince Hal from the "old fields" of Vir- ginia or somewhere else. Even now l show my high appreciation of your com munication by propping myself up to try and write you, when, according to all the rules of physiology and hygiene. as ex- pounded by orthodox pill -peddlers, l ought to be in bed, with one ignoramus of a country doctor timing my pulse by an ancient bull's-eye watch with a big brass fob chain, another peking a pewter spoon several feet down my throat to ex- anime my overcoated tongue, and half-dozen good old ladies in wrinkles and ruff d caps boiling my feet in mus tard broth, and tying up my head in vim egared napkins. have for some time past been cutting along the ragged edge of spell of pneum onia, with a double dose of catarrh and neuralgia thrown in to fill the measure of my woes. am roasting with feverishness now-so hot that cold water poured on me would sizz so hot that the steam from my seeth- ing blood makes my hat dance on my head like an infuriated teakettle lid. My head is roaring like baby Niagara with the colic, and aching as if it were deter mined to bust into a thousand flinders, every one ofthem with an ache in it big enough to send a sacred white circus ele- phant to bed under banyan tree, with his skull done up in camphored rag and his trunk packed and checked oyer the Trans-J Jordan and New Jerusalem railroad for another and perhaps no bet ter world. My eyes, blazing with blood shotten fire, look like two drunken loco motive headlights or a pair of touched of Catherine wheels" on Judas 6sT," and seem bent on turning . double somerset out of thsI fTyins-pza scckets. My hands, as you can rec from my caco- graphy, are shaky as palsied old wo- mans tongue or an average American spatriot stasesnan's" principles. And tic climax q my niseries is capped with what pfuEane young man wculd-(but l. of cotsrse hefuy a devout D ako&a bixh- sea:.:t st .if :. s.1s ss sa a,sss sa: srates and rrsprietiss, would not and could not)-ssyie d-s Gfa snifis in my nose. Pepper-sauce, skim-milk. the nectar of the gods and stale dishwater aIl tasae exaetiy aike- The most than