, 1885-04-12
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
LECTURE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF
HUMAN NATURE"
The Hon. Jerusalem shotwsn Tells Every
One How to Regulate His Inter
course with the World and
the Rest OF


Brother Gardner announced at the opening
Of the meeting that he took pleasure In an
%nouncing the presence OF tho Hon Jerusalem
Shotwell. Of Virginia. Tbs honorable gen
ueman was known In the Shenandoah valley
as -the Giant of the Opequaw," and he fro
quently had Invitations TO deliver his cels-
bnted lecture in fifteen different places at
once. His repertoire comprised twenty eight
different lectures on as many different sub
Jeets, and the one selected for delivery In
the presence Of the Lime Kiln club was en-
titled The Right Side OF Human Nature.
During the delivery OF the lecture, members
were requested to pay strict attention 10 the
discourse, and Elder Toots was given a stool
with only two hind legs, to prevent him from
falling asleep and rolling against the stove.
4Feller mortals," said the lecturer, as no
gulped down a glass OF water and cautiously
looked at the three shirt buttons in tho bot
tom of the glass, 4dis human natur' Of ours
am a strange muddla We kin feel do senti-
ment Of hate, love, indifference. sentiment.
admirashun, fear, reverence an disgust in
one short day. We attain dc highest emil
nence, an we sink to the lowest slums.
We reverences one man an hate another.
We feel hilarious one hour an shed tears OF
sorrow the next Stranger dan all the winds
dat blow-moro valuable dan any weather
furnished by natur'-bold an fearless-weak
an ascilAfin'-huma naturs can bo
praised an condemned in de same breaf.
III we studied de natur' OF man as clusly
as wo do dat OF a boss We would not tread on
his cons 50 often. Man am as pliable ms
lasses II you take him right II you take
him wrong he am as brittle as glass an as
hard as stun. Dat am a matter we seldom
stop to consider. We take him as pleases US
mot TO please him. Our ideah is dat he
mus DO put up wild our style-not to bring
us TO his. l has seen dozens OF men who war
bon all right split by contact wild de world.
Nobody took EN- just right, an dey wouldn't
study 10 take odder men right
@Some men kin be bossed-some has to DO
coaxed. Some am materially mulish-some
plastic. Some kin be reached frew deir
weaknesses-some frcw deir strength. A
modest man an a proud, vain man mus DO
handled on teetotally different principles
We make enemies and meet wild needless re-
bluffs and refusals bekase we fail to consider
desc troofS II our boss has u habit OF bitin'
We lay awake nights 10 devise some remedy
fur II. II our naybur am Il material kicker
We ridicnle his grievances an burlesque his
tribulashunS II our hess am too high
strung TO take de whip we are keerfnl Il
keep de lash away from him. II our naybur
am too proud-spiritei TO borrer our wheel
barrier an lend Us his washboa'd we declnr'
him beneath our motifs an wash our hands OF
de hull family.
at am de easiest thing in de world 10 make
a friend. Fust. locate your man. Second,
sizs him up. II no am a vain, proud man
praise his personal appearance, his home
his wife, chillen an speeches. No man am
so poo an lowly dat his words of praise
won't SCUM sweet to an egotist
IF be am a cross, surly, out o'-sorts chap.
feelln' sartin In his own mind dat dc world
wasn't built on correct principles. doan' try
10 Grgy wild him to ~convince him dat dis
airth am all q. X. from sellar to garnet. On
dc contrary side In wild him. Growl at de
world, abuse mankind an tell him how sorry
you am dat he wasn't ON han to manage
things about 200 y'ars b. c. II will DO like
doin' up a sore toe in a creased rag.
"When you meet u man who am sort o.
snoakin' frew life on de ~quiet-nebber hoard
OF outside of his own northumberland,
unassumin', an only wantin' TO be let alone,
feed him gum drops. Tell him you have
heard his named menshuned as candidate
fur alderman. Ask him what var 1t was he
run fur de legislachur. Inquar' when his next
book OF poems Is TO be published. Ak him
II he am dc Smith who invented the comet
He will cringe and vince, but he will go
home an think IL ober an be your friend
fur life.
Oar am ranks 10 be humored. Oar am
eccentrics to DO praised. Oar am circlin'
aOhAN w 10y " 0hJ n ehhAu VI mou IN
women who doan' snow beans from broom
sticks, but who mus be complimented on
deir exquisite tastes an high order Of intel
leck.
"As de time allotted TO me has bout ex-
pired, let me say to you, In closin' dis dis
course, dat de man who makes enemies am
no reader OF human natur'. IL am jist rs
easy TO make ten good friends as one enemy.
Abuse no mans pollytics. Slur no mans re-
ligion, Hold no arguments wild a man who
has been soured by misfortunes As fur
women-treat all alike by praisin' all. Re-
tirnin' you my capacious thanks fur de en-
blsmatiecl indifference you have exhibited
throughout the delivery of this celebrated
lecture, I draw myself to a close.n