Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-01-29
sAULsBURY's SORROWS.
Hunted to the Verge of Lunacy by Ma,
riageabie Young and Old Ladies.

1 f.
riageabie Young and Old Ladies.
-
lis this Pennsylvania avenue. sirp''
asked beautiful young girl this after.
noon of a dignified old gentleman.
writes Washington correspondent ol
the New York Morning journal.
mo you don'tr' shouted the old
man. as he pulled off his spectacles and
hoped over the curb. ii know an
about you young firts. and amt 81
green as | look ~
The old man threw an eve over his
left shoulder and spurted down the
avenue at top speed, leaving Miss Eva
Dwyer covered with bushes and con-
fusion.
The old man who acted in such re-
markable manner is Senator Salisbury
OF Delaware. tie Is pinch-faced man.
and Is distinguished by his inoriinatc
love OF Morris cove oysters and aver
sion TO manageable females. A recent
attack of intiammatory rheumatism in
the foot has not improved the old GEN
tleman' 5 disposition, and his curtness
towards his brother senators has made
him unpopular
Recently, Senator Wade Hampton,
VINO is bigger wag since he lost his
leg than ever. started a story about
Salisbury that has the effect of making
the latter species of monomaniac.
The story is that Salisbury took a
solemn oath in 1860 never to marry .un-
til the democracy won a president. and
that he now intends to lead an heiress
with whose charms he has long been
snltten, to the altar.
The wide circulation of this story has
had the effect of bringing number OF
''heiresses" to Washington whose
aearts have fallen prey to the accom-
plished flirt from Dover, and the aoed
statesman existence has lately been a
succession Of spasms. A good-looking
female in Gainesborough hat will
give him kink in the back as thouoh
h had been kicked by a pile-driyer
while the approach Of a giddy little
creature in curls will drive him to the
verge of epilepsy.
His experience to-day is but one of
the twenty or more that he has every
day, and his friends begin to fear that
| something is not soon done for his re-
lief the old man will 90 off in an at
tack of ''collywaflles y
Whenever there is rustic of silks in
the diplomatic gallery the old gentle
man will hop up as though pin had
been stuck into him. and four times out
OF every five that he thus jumps he.will
strise his game foot against something
and howl with pain.
ba l,io soopa Oaa,,,,aJ
rotunda the other day, when Mary, the
apple woman, tried to induce the sena-
tor to purchase some of her last year 5
fruit. She approached him with an
ancient red apple in each hand, and
smiled as sweetly as the loss Of her
teeth would permit.
Sta d back." the senator cried
poking his cane at her Don't Won
dare to come near me or I'll have YOU
arrested"
But, senator sure" pleaded Mary,
''you engaged -"
''Engagedn' shrieked the Della.
warean.
And the old man forgot his rhuem !.
tism for once and hoped up the stairs
of the senate chamber like Young
colt.
II had no idea, remarked Senator
Hampton, "that Salisbury had been so
playful in his youth or | would not have
cracked the joke on him. 1t is too bad,
indeed, but | suppose it can't be helped
now !"
When Senator Salisbury enters the
senate hamber now, he is at once the
objective point of every opera glass in
the gallery, and many an old sweet
heart OF his, grown grey and wrinkled
with weary waiting for the old veteran
to heaye to and pop tie question, signs
like a walrus when he ports his helm
and sinks into his seat. He tries his
best, poor man, to read newspapers and
write letters to his constituents, hut it
is plain that his mind is not welded to
either. He will stick his pen in the
paste pot and the paste brush in tue
ink-bottle. and almost invar ably has
oil this latter absence OF purpose the
other day, when his attention was di-
rected to it, by saying that he was left
handed, but the excuse was n palpably
lame one. Occasionally he will hide
his head in the Congressional Record
but tben he invariably goes to sleep
and has horrible dreams, from which
he will awake with a start and calf
upon the scrgeant-at-arms for pro-
lection.
The condition of the senator though
painful to his friends, is regarded as q
wholesome example to the junior sena-
tors, who may, it is hoped, avoid much
misery in their old age by leaving tlut-
tering hearts to iluttcr all alone.