Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-09-19
Will Pay in Heaven.
BILL NYE.

tnat II haQ my lie 10 i've over
again, would like to be an eccentric
millionaire.
L have eccentricity enough, but /
cannot successfully push it without
more means.
l have a great many plans which l
would like to carry out in case / could
unite the two necessary elements for
the production of the eccentric mil
lionaire.
Among other things l would be
willing to bind myself and give prop
er security to any one who would put
in money to Offset my eccentricity
that 1 would ultimately die. We all
know how seldom the eccentric mil
Iionaire dies. l would be willing to
inaugurate a reform in that direction.
think now l would endOw home
for men whose wives are no longer
able to support them. In many cases
the wife who was at first able to sup
port her husband comfortably finally
shoulders a church debt and in trying
to lift that she overworks and impairs
her health so that she becomes an in
valid while her husband is left to
pine away in solitude, dependent on
the cold charities of the world.
My heart goes out toward those
men even now, and in case l should
fill the grave of the eccentric million
aire / am sure that / would do the
square thing by them.
The method by which our wives in
America are knocking the church
debt silly by working up their hus-
bands groceries into "angel food"
and selling them below actual cost, is
deserving of the attention of our ma
TONS financiers.
The church debt itself is deserving
of notice in this country. Itcertainly
thrives better under a Republican
form of government than any other
feature of our boosted civilization.
Westerntowns spring up everywhere,
and the first anxiety is to name the
place, the second, to incur a church
debt and establish a roller rink.
After that general activity in
trade is assured. OF course the gen.
eral hostility of church and rink will
prevent ennui and listlessness, and
the church debt will encOuragea bust.
ness boom. Naturally the church
debt cannot be paid without what is
generally known throughout the
West as the FESTIVAL and hooraw.'
This festival is an open market where
the ladies trade the groceries of theil
husbands to other ladies' husbands
and everybody has a perfectly lovely
time. The church clears $3.50 anC
thirteen ladies are sick all the mex
day.
This makes boom for the physi
clans and later on for the undertake.
and general tombist. So it will b.
seen that the Western town is RICH
in establishing a church debt as sOor
as the survey is made and the tow
is properly named. After the frs
church has been properly started
others will rapidly follow, so that n,
anxiety may be felt if the church vii
come forward the first year and bu!
more than it can pay for.
The church debt is comparatively
modern appliance, and yet it ha
been productive of many peculiar fea
lures. For instance, we call to min,
the clergyman who makes specialt,
of going from place to place as a sue
cessful debt demolisher. He is a par
of the general system just as much a
the ice cream freezer or the button
hole bouquet.
l once knew a most exemplary VIC
man who became greatly intereste
in the wiping out Of a church del
and who did finally succeed in wipin
out the debt, but in its last expirin
death struggle it gave her wipe sh
never recovered. She had succeede
in begging the milk and the creaI
and the eggs and the sandwiches an
the use Of the dishes and the sugs
and the loan of an oyster and the u'
ola freezer, and fifty buttonhOle boz
quets to be sold to men who were NJ
in the habit of wearing bouquets, bl
she could not borrow circular arti