Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-02-12
Annturu,ts department.

SETTLED ON THE SPoT.-After standing
in front of the store for several minutes,
seemingly undecided what to do, he entered
and asked for the proprietor and then be-
gan:
my old woman was gwine long here las
busted her elbow"
"Ah! Well, being you are poor man
I'll make the charges as light as possible"
"But dat hain't de case, sab. A lawyer
tells me you is 'sponsible for dat slippery
sidewalk and dat kin git damages"
Exactly, but you don't understand the
matter. In the first place you must fee
your lawyer ard put up for court expenses.
Then you prove that I own the sidewalk.
guilty of contributory negligence. Then
you prove that your wife didn't bust her
elbow by falling down stairs. Then I ap-
peal the case and the higher court grants q
new trial. BY that time your wife and her
busted elbow are dead and buried and you
are married again, and you had better offer
to settle for five pounds of brown sugar."
eco de Lawd! but has got to wade
frew all dat?"
"All that and more. Thegrocery business
is cut so close that shall probably be a
bankrupt by April, and then what good will
ajudgment do you?'
''Or the case may hang in the Supreme
Court until both of us are dead"
II see and you would gin two pounds of
brown sugar to settle the case now?"
"Well, yes"
''Den you may do it up and arter dis de
old oman takes de odder side of de street or
we dissolve partnersip! I spected every
mint you were gwine to twist it around to
levy on my household goods, an if I'm two
pounds of sugar ahead I want to close de
case at once afore you bring in bill fur
contributory conspiracy !'-FTee Press.
A PREACHING TOURNAY.-Old, but good,
is the story told of the young preachers who
were discussing the subject of off-hand SER
monizing, when an old gentleman declared
he always preached extempore and trusted to
the occasion for inspiration. A young man
declared heneverdid, but preferred carefully
preparing his sermons and committing them
to memory. "Pshaw," said the old man,
''the reason you don't preach extempore is
because you can't"
"Well," replied the young one, "I'll tell
you what I'll do. Next Sunday We'll both
preach extempore. I'll preach in the morn
ing from any text you. give me, and .ou
preach in the evening from text II give
you, and We'll see who does the BEST"
Agreed. The affair got noised abroad,
and a crowded house greeted the young
preacher as he went into the pulpit, and the
old man passed up the text from verse in
Numbers: "And the Lord opened the mouth
of the ass" The young preacher pitched in
and graphically described the kinds and
breeds of asses, their usefulness, good and
bad traits, and drew moral and adorned a
tale from all he knew of asseology. The
sermon was q success. Evening came, and
the old preacher assembled the pulpit, and
the young one sent up the text from the
next verse in Numbers: cam not 1 thine
ass?" The old gentleman rubbed his glass
es and adjusted them, read the text to him
self, then took off his glasses again and
rubbed them and read the text aloud. Then
he coughed and looked around at the ,au-
dience, for the Westinghouse was packed,
readjusted his glasses, coughed and repeated
the text and bending over the pulpit, said {:
eyes, brother, guess I am. ."-Gncinnatt
Enquirer on "Odd Sermons and Isrts."