Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-04
FARMER

,;s First and Last Appearance on Rollers.
n,.p COUSIN JOHN:
yrs we got here safe-my worthy wife an
All, nut up at james Sunnyhopes'-a pleas.
IN, Isabel, his oldest girl, is home from
A school just now,
~, nets me with her nne oil her young
.Ah man will allow;
~, his good wife has monstrous sweet nm,
AN culinary ways.
Ills a summerY place 10 pass a few cold
!" winter days.
Resides, I've various cast-iron friends in diff.
"e ferent parts O. town,
rhot,s always glad to nave me call whenever
'""' come down;
But yesterday, when 'mongst the same un.
' dertook to rOaln,
could not find a single one that seemed to
be home!
An answer was: 81 think, ~
uyou're a.goin, down that way, you'll find
Az ,em at the Rink"
,osked what night the Lyceum folks would
" hold their next debate
1--WE sometimes. gone an helped 'em WELD
the ca es of church an stated:
An If protracted meetin's now was holdin'
anywhere
like to get my soul fed up with fresh ce.
or when the next church social was; they'd
give a knowin' wink,
An say: II b''ieye there's nothin' now trans.
plllA oaS VIZ IAN
"what is this 'Rink?" I innocent inquired.
that night at tea.
"Oh, you must 60" said Isabel, "this yery
night with me!
An Mrs. stebbins she must go, an skate
there with us, tool"
My wife replied; my dear, just please in.
- form me when I do.
But you two CO." An so we went; an saw
Il circus there,
With which Jew sights I've ever struck will
anyways mpar
1t seems a good-sized meetin' house had
given up its pews
{Ihc church an pastor had resigned, from
spiritual blues),
An several acres of the floor was made a
skatin' ground,
Where folks OF every size an shape went
skippin' round an rounds
An in the midst a big brass band was help.
in on the fun,
An everything was gay as sixteen weddin's
joined In one.
I've seen small insects crazy like 20 circlin'
through the air,
An wondered if they. thought some time
I've seen n million river-bugs 20 scootin'
rOund an round,
An wondered what twas all about, or what
they'd lost or found;
But men an women, boys an girls, upon q
hard. wood floor,
All whirlin' round like folks possessed, I
neevr saw before.
An then it all came back to me, the things
I'd read an heard
About the Kinks, an how their ways was
wicked an absurd:
I'd learned somewhere that skakin' wasn't q
healthy thing to do;
But there was Doctor Saddlebags-his family
with him, too.
I'd heard that 'twasn't a proper place for
Christian folks to seek;
Old Deacon Perseverance links flew past me
like a streak.
IThpn Sistar Ia,hol s,nnxhonos n,+ ~, - ,,,r
An started aed' of as II she'd run through sever.
al different States.
My goodness! how hat gal showed up! I
never did opine
That she could twist herself to look SO
clarmin' an SO fine:
And then a fellow that she knew took hold
o. hands with her,
A sort O. double crossways like. an helped
fused to skate; an 'twas a sport of which I
once WAS fond.
Why, ! could write my autograph on Temp.
ktns' saw mill pond.
OF course to slip on runners, that Is one
An, m 'naaR' r une may cn s Casters ia a somawbat
But when the fun that fellow had came
f1ashin' to my eye.
skate once more or die!'
A little boy a pair o. skates to 1T my boots
lie had to put 'em on for me II weigh three
hundred pounds,
An then l Strengthened up and says: "Look
here, you younger chaps,
You think you're runnin' some'at past us
older heads, perhaps.
II this young lady here to me will trust
awhile her fate,
I'll go around a dozen times an show you
how to Skate"
She was a ntceish plump young gal. I'd no.
ticed quite awhile.
An she reached out her hands with most too
daughterly IL smile;
But off we pushed, with might an main
when all to once the wheels
Departed suddenly above, an took alongmy
My head assailed the floor as If twas tryin'
TO get through,
An all the stars 1 ever saw arrived at once
Twas ~sin'glar Gas not quite unlike a saw-log
How many OF the other folks was goin' that
They stumbled over me in one large ami.
An formed a Pile o. legs an arms not far
from ten foot deep;
i'ut after they had all climbed off, In rather
Hay there k a saw-log ~still-considerin'
how.to rise.
Then dignified 1 rose, with: hands upon py
ample waist,
An then sat down again with large and very
painful haste;
An rose again, and started off to find a place
. to rest.
Then on my gentle stomach STOOD, an tore
j., my meetin' vest;
Whom Sister sunnyhopes slid up, as trim as
trim could be,
An she an her young fellow took compass
sionate charge ONE.
Then after I'd got off the skates, an flung
EN- out o. reach,
1rose, while all grew hushed an still, an
~, made the followin' speech:
My friends, Nv struck a small IDEA can
~, struck 1t pretty sqnare),
"hlcn physically an morally Will some az
tent on bear:
Those who their balance can preserve are
safe here any day;
An those who can't. i rather think, had bet
ter keep away"
Then iimped out with very strong unprsce
dented pains, 49,
AN hired a horse at liberal rates to draw
nome my remains;
An lay abed three days, while wife laughed
at an nursed me we'll,
Ah used up nl the arntca two drug stores
had to sell;
AM when Miss Is'bel sunnyhopes said
wont yon skate once more:
answered.: ''Not while l remain o th1s TER
restrial Shore"
-JViU Carleton, in Harpe''s Weekly.