The National tribune., 1885-06-25
TRIBUNETS.

Exchange: candidate for appointments to a
Government clerkship was asked How near Is
the sun to the earth?" II can't exactly say" he
replied, but sure it isn't near enough to In
terfere with my duties if 1 get the appointment 1
want" He got it.
Exchange: certain Judge was reprimanding an
attorney for bringing several small suits into Court
and remarked that it would have been much better
for all parties had he persuaded his clients leave
their causes to the arbitration of two three hon.
est men. Please. your Honor retorted the law
yer, we do not choose to trouble honest men with
them.''
Exchange: A little girl being sent TO a shop to
purchase some dye-stuff, and forgetting the name
of the article, said to the shopman, What do folks
dye with?'' Die with? Why, cholera. some
times" replied the shopman. "well, believe
that's the name. want to have q dimes worth"
Chicago Ne,cs: Shakspere will now have to be
revised in accordance with the biblical revision
follows:
Hear it not Duncan. for it is the kneol
That summons thee to heaven or to sheoli
A oomrade, whose lines seem to have fallen in
tough places, sends this rhythInical account of
the troubles he encountered on emigrating to Ar
kansas:
Attention pay, both young and old. and listen to
And hear the lamentations Of an Irish emigrant,
Who lately crossed the ocean. but misfortune
Till he landed in this country-n the State of Ar
kansaw.
landed in St Lous with six dollars and more /;
Tread the daily papers till both my eyes were sore,
A-seeking for employment. At last the glorious
news 1 saw
Five hundred men were wanted in the State of Ar
kansaw.
It filed my heart with gIadness as read the joyful
news,
And straightway to that agent-they called him
Says he +" Give me five dollars and ticket I will
draw
That will take you to that railroad in the State Of
Arkansaw.
gave to him five dollars and it caused my heart a
started down the Iron Mountain to go to Little
Rock;
Divil one met there would extend to me his
And say My boy you're welcome to the State OF
Arkansaw."
I bummed around The depot to shun misfortunes
And there met man catcher believe his name
was King;
Says he. You are a stranger, and this mornings
On yonder hill stands my hotel, the best in Arkan-
saw.
I followed my conductor, and he took me to q
But poverty was written upon its wretched face:
not chaw.
Yet fifty cents he charged me in the State of Arkan-
saw.
Tn state of deep detection started for Ozark
Choek full of lanentaton and as hungry rs a
shark;
bummed a pint of whisky my misery to thaw,
And cursed the day landed in the State of Arkan-
saw.
In state of deep detection started for the camp
Where every opportunity is waiting there the
tramp;
I slept down by the campfire without blanket. tick
straw,
To work upon that railroad in the State of Arkan-
saw.
1t would fill your heart with pity as you walk
To see so many bummers with turkeys on their
back;
They all seem very able 10 work their under-jaw
At any shanty table in the State of Arkansaw.
And now am well and working. and God above
praise.
mean for to continue end try to make raise;
Then I'll strike the Indian Nation and marry me a
s6luaw,
And bid arewell forever to the State of Arkansaw
Life: A Cincinnati paper says: "Hell by any
other name is just hot" This is, no doubt Off
cia.
Life: Bob Ingcrsol is reported 10 have given q
large order TO provide his family vault with fire
escapes.
lN
Astronomy is derful
And interesting, z;
The ear wolves around the sun
Which makes year you.
The moon is dead and calm,
BY law of phys great;
It's where the stars alive
Do nightly scintill 3.
If watchfu Providence be Q
With good in 10 tions fraught
Did not keep up its grand design
We soon would come to o.
Astronomy is derful,
But it's 2 80
man grasp. and that is why
I'd better say more
II. C. Dodge.
Peoria Transcript: passenger from Nebrasks
| was on the train that demolished by the cy
| clor.e near Sioux City, Iowa. Thursday. As h,
| emerged from the debris he was heard to mutter
well this is something like it. The first mouth
full of fresh air since left my native State"