The Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1885-1886, 1885-12-03

On the subject OF COuftShlp ana MARI
age we can report some interesting say
ings. A German writer says that youn {
girl is II fishing rod, the eyes being Tho
hook, the smile the bait, the lover the
gudgeon, the marriage the butter in
which he is fried. There are really two
cventful periods in the life of a woman
one when she wonders who she will have
the other when she wonders who will
have her. A cynical sailor has given his
reasons why a ship is always called "shc
1t is because the ships are useless without
employment. they bring news from A.
broad, they wear caps and bonnets, they
are often painted, and man never knows
the expense until he gets one, And dur,
ing the war Artemus Ward observed:
None but the brave deserves the fair,
and none but the brave can live with
them" As TO love, it is said no good
authority that French> woman will love
her husband if he is witty or chivalrous
a German woman if he is constant or
faithful a Dutch woman if he does not
disturb her ease and comfort too much a
Spanish woman if he wreaks terrible
vengeance on those who are under dis~
pleasure, an Italian woman, If he is
dreamy and poctical, a Danish woman if
he thinks her native country is brightest
and happicst country on earth, a Russian
woman if he despses all westerners as
miserable barbarians. an English woman
if he succeeds in ingratiating himself with
the royal court and the arstocracy, an
American woman 1.-THE has plenty of
money.
Here is a purely ionical description of
the sex; "A woman is mighty handy
thing to have about the house. She
doesn't cost any more to keep than you'll
give her, and she'll take a great interest
in you. If you so out at night she'll be
awake when you get home, aud then she'll
tell you all about yourself, and more too.
OF course, she will know where YOU have
been and what kept you out so late, and
will tell YOU; yet right after she gets
through telling you that she will ask you
where YOU have been and what kept you
out so late. And after you tell her, nd
she won't believe you. you mustn't mind
that; and If, after going to bed, she says
she hasn't closed her eyes the whole night,
and then keeps up the matinee two hours
longer and won't so TO sleep when she
has II chance, you mustn't mind that,
either; it's her nature.
y To wives. some vie trhuuCer says
that a month before marriage and u
month after death men regard their wives
as angels OF She remaining time he has
nothing to say. Douglas Jerrold observed
"My notion of a wife at 40 is that "A man
should he able to change her, like bank
note, for two twenties. y gentleman
once rode up to public house in the
country and asked: WHO is the master
of this house2' Il am, sir" replied the
landlords my wife has been dead about
s. three Wet ks There is y story told of a
NGftin who Was scoopcd up by the COW,
catches of locomotive. The train
couldn't be stopped until it had run half
mile, The woman was unhurt When
the story of her escape was told to her
husband he said sadly: "Well III he
darned II wimmin amt hard to kill
There was my finest Durham-he got on
the track and the ingine struck him, and
there wasn't enough life left in him to
SUPPLY animation to fly; and my horse
ran away with the gig. and the train came
along and hit him and it. and the horse
was killed and there WAS MT piece of the
gig left big enough to make the plug for
the spiggot hole of barrel. Now, that
wife of IN inc is Of no account, and she rs
capes. Ii is always the same if you have
two eggs IN your hand, and one ia bad
and the other good. and you let them
drop. it's invariably the good one that
breaks" And the husband looked sad
and turned his chew of tobacco in his