The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-10
THE STORY OF MUG WUMP.
The Fate of Some Experimenters Who Didn't
Know When They Were Well OFF:

The Fate of Some Experimenters Who Didn't
Know When They Were Well OFF:
New York Graphic (Dem)
In a certain part of Nowhere. which is coun
try out West, there is a territory known as Com
mon Ground, and directly above it, with
plateau unusually large and fertile, is what is
known as the Higher Altitude.
The people of this modern fairyland-I allude
especially to Common Ground-are divided into
two parties. One believes that the sun moves
from east to west, and the other that it moves
from west to east 1t ought to be supposed that
science would teach them which Is the correct
proposition, but the trouble is that one party be-
lieves in science and the other doesn't Upon
this broad question, accordingly. they spend
their idle hours, occasionally introducing it into
their daily vocations; and 1t is curious fact
that the more they say the less they come to
conclusion.
They are exceedingly earnest in these discus
sions. They argue over their pipes and their
grog. at their tables, while they are in bed when
they get up and when they meet for ordinary
conversation. They have platform speeches on
the sun question, and toIchght professions as
we'll, and sometimes the pulpit joins IN, so that
the congregations are divided it and the
fannie circle is rent in twain or severed. They
have offices to fill, and the offices are filed &C
cording to the wishes of the party which wins,
which is right and proper; but at no convivial or
other gathering is the subject dropped, so that
at times it becomes quite tiresome
One day there arose in their midst youth
with thin legs a stiff collar, large cane and
other indications of superiority and said he:
"Clome upee What you talkee 80 muchee
for9 Sum movee from Northee to Southee, aud
don't you forgetee. Whoopee"
he SAID 1t with such an appearance of candor and
conviction, particularly the last word. that they
asked him what part Of HEAVIER or which college
he came from
''Me knowee," was his only reply. 'Me alice
samee Mahdi You fooee polite. Me wisee, !"
and he tapped his forehead so that it gave out
considerable noise.
The residents of Common Ground had there
upon new excitement. They quarreled among
themselves over this Mahdi, one side declaring
that he was the true and the other that he was
the false prophet They flung at each other
vessels of the grossest vocal perfumery They
fought with clenched hands and clubs and
when the struggle was over it was impossible TO
do immediate justice to the wounded; happily
there were none killed
At the close of the conflict voice came to
them like a falling star something of that
kind, and it said to them, Come upee to me.
come upee and be happee." They looked up and
beheld the youth of the thin legs, the intellect
ual cane and the high collar. He occupied the
overhanging portion of the Higher Altitude,
and as he chewed his cane he seemed to be filled
with pity for the writning mass below
"Oh, give us rest!' cried out partisan
pausing IN his search for remnant of an ear,
the larger portion of which still chung to his
bruised temple
CoHlee upee ana getee IL mercer" was the calm
reply. "AlI peace heree-alI sweet restee"
"Wots trumps, you slant eyed seal hunter
from the wilds Of Africa" rather incoherently
remarked another partisan, casually placing a
bit of court plaster on his badly bruised nose
"Wots yer name and whar do we hail from.
hevP'
"Allee samee Mug Wumpee, alice way from
Paradise, was the confident response Gomez
upee and be happee. Alice Offices for mug
wumpee, and sun moyee as damn pleasee"
The embattied partisans paused to think this
over They remarked that it seemed sensible.
They passed resolutions looking to an investiga-
ton, and appointed committee of five to go up
to the higher altitude, join the Hon Mr. Mug
Wump follow his ways and methods of living,
and see what would come of it.
Some months passed by The leaves changed
from green TO brown, and began dropping from
the trees of their own weight, and the commit
tee had not returned. A new committee went
to the higher altitude, and a search revealed
very painful things. There were five graves,
and there was skeleton above ground. The
latter was apparently that of the Hon. Mr..
Mug Wump A brief letter told the dreadful
story.
"Heapee fghtee, it said tersely Committee
began wellee Each mugwumpee bigger than
alles other wumpees. Sixee governmentee
Hellee to payee All wissee, no foolishee