The Dillon tribune. [volume] (Dillon, Mont.) 1881-1941, 1885-05-09
Ghe 1illon Gribnt't.
WIT AND IUMOE.

louisville Courier-JOurnal.
1woud not live always-l ask not to stay
Where men with their bills chase me rounu
There's enough in this world. with each wor.
rying I'LL go,
It's babies. rs failures. lis doctors WHO Kill
Without an lcilS osat!rus
To come round and bore lis
From morning to night with his fearful iong
-Rockiand Courier.
the elegant, titled Sir Thomas Haut Ton
Fell in love with the only fair daughter
or an Oeomargarine maker. and won
Her affections by swearing. his honor upon,
That he never would have any but her.
Alas! he rcpcntcd the pun at his ease.
They were wed, and, as she had the dollars;
He must smile when addressed us NV Lard
or "YOur Crease ~
But they marked Margarine on her collars.
-Harper's Bazaar.
\ new book is entitled How Made
Money at Home" We advise our read
ers to have nothing to do with it. Three
men were arrested a few days ago for
making money at home.-.Norristo,c"
Herald.
II have neither time nor inclination
to pass paregorics on the deceased
"Panegyrics, corrected a person pres
ent. ''As you please, SIR remarked
the orator, stifiy the words are anony-
nous.
..Are you going to the party this
evening. Maud?" mo. l guess not;
I'm afraid that horrible Smith girl will
be there "Oh, no. she won't; she
said she wasn't going. ''Why not?'
Because she was afraid you would
be there
In Virginia father may be hanged
il he consents to the marriage Of his
daughter when she is only II years old.
There is many a father who wishes he
had been hanged before he consented
to the marriage of his daughter when
she was 49, Louisville C0urier-Jour-
nal.
Rich uncle on his death-bcd to
nephew will make you my heir,
John, on one condition, and that is you
are never to marry. Nephew ac-
cep the condition, uncle. Rich Uncle
How will you be able to resist the
temptation? Nephew will move to
Boston.
'.What cute little mustache John
has," remarked one girl to another.
Slightly scattered, however" Eyes,
it's q baseball mustache." whats
that-nine on side?" "Of course not;
that's DID," .'What is it, thenP''
"Why. three out all out. "-Merchant
IrGveler.
The word ''ranch'' means good
deal in the Far West. An Eastern
clergyman who is spending tho winter
in Santa Barbara, Cal, writes of q lit
tie boy years old in that lovely valley
who was overheard to pray that when
he died the Lord would take HIM to his
ranch.-N. y Ledger
Civil Service Examiner Ito colorcd
applicant for the situation OF letter car
rier)-''State the distance from Lon
don. England. to Calcutta, India via
the Sucz Canal" Colorcd Applicant
Say, boss, ef yo'se gwine ter put me
on dat route, YOU can iisrcmovc my
applicashuI often &c book
1t is said that bees will never sting a
person whose head is slneared with
molasses. The bother of it is, that
when n man has incurred the animosi-
~ of Il colony OF bees he doesn't have
much time to go home. get some mo-
lasses, and spread it ON his epidcrmis.
The old-tashioned way is the bcst-just
run.-Eurlimyton Free Press
When was at Washington said ia
the engineer of the little building at
the foot of the monument: You have
u mighty tall chimney for such small
factory He silently chalkcd mark
on the board wal! behind him. What
that tor?' l inquired. "iou are the
!7G,h person who mauc that remark y
WAS his answer. DctrnH free Press.
Most people 90 M Stairs in !. heath.
"ni>n fashion. striking their sole.
AGAINST the Steps a, n.lr,niv rs possible,
wearing out their leather prematurely
and making Il disagrcrahie noise. Some
run up, taking two steps at time. and
others always fall two or three times
Going up stairs should be one of the
slowcst and most deliberate acts of q
mans life.
''R,lckle my shoe. Egbcr,. desc
said Chicago belle to her ncar-sight
ed tianccc. Eybcrt wen: down on hi.
knee like true knight. but. rs he haC
lost his .ye-glass. his vision was little
uncertain. ''Is this your foot. dar
Hng?' he inquired. "lou bet" she
said. law. pawdon. IL thought il
was the lounge Egbert is now dis
engaged.-1er"s Sylings.
A New York physician reports u cas-.
Of wallpaper poisoning the person.
who slept in the papcred room having
contracted ''catarrh. pharyngitis, mi
graine. conjunctivitics. muscular pains
and swelling of the salivary glands. "
1t must have made EN- sick; but they
are lucky that the wallpaper didn'l
also give them ingrowing nails. bun,
ions. and strabismus. - Norrist0wh