Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-08-21
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Sunshine.

a reporter from China says that the
| FIs2ch, after being defeated atLang-
/, Son, withdrew to Chu. Well, the
heathens gave them something to Gnu
! On, no mistake.
/ a men in a neighboring town has
/ just died at the age Of fifteen years.
Aha, that accounts for all the way
! worn, earthweary eggs I have met at
the breakfast table during the past de-
cade. @ .gs-
Thesweicht of bushcl of beans has
been fixed by law at sixty pounds.
Reckoning from that basis Boston
girl must be full. ninety pounds heavier
on Sunday evenings than at any other
time during the week.
A telegraph report says that the
daughter OF q New Jersey farmer ran
off with one Of her fathers hands. 1t
does not state which hand, but if it
was the one the old gentleman used
to Slap mosquitoes with it was a
most untilial act.
A Massachusetts boy recently swal-
lowed L large tive-cornered blackstone
and at last accounts was doing we'll
Ii the small boy continues to evolve
at this rate he will soon supplant the
ostrich and billygoat in the affections
of humOrists.
According to the eternal fitness of
things negroes should drive coal carts,
cross-eyed men should be detectives,
sour old maids should run pickles fac
tories, deaf mutes should be BARRIERS,
and go-ahead boys should be district
messengers. But somehow it is other
wise ordered.
The explosives used by the insur-
gents of the United States of Colombia
must be very mild. During the seige
of Carta gena a shell entered bed
room and burst without disturbing the
slumters Of its four young lady occu-
pants. Icould do more execution bY
hurting a can OF Chicago beef with my
strong right arm.
An ostrich egg weighs nearly thirty
times us much as an average hen S
egg, but to hear the hens remarks at
ter laying an egg one would suppose
she had beat the ostrich out of sight.
It is a good deal the same way with
human beings. Some will make more
fuss and bray over their little thin
shel}ed achievements than others do
over an invention or work that be-
comes historical.--7ecI's San.
The Affection OF Money.
You have observed the suicide
Of a broker named Kane, I believe.
The only Importance of Kane's life or
death to me is the revival it brings up
of l. fn+ Low Co n
in Washington City, | saw keen little
man who made shoes at Poughkeepsie,
N. Y, and had accumulated a con-
siderable amount of money in that
business. He was normally a Dem
ocrat, but his money obtained him the
Republican support. While at Wash
ington he was generally against the
Democratic party on the sly. / knew
him little and studied him with mod
crate interest, and it was apparent to
me that he was designing to have me
write speech for him, something
which / never did for any Congress-
man, and my bashfulness and the old
fellows bashfulness, as studied by an
outsider, would have matched almost
any courtship in comedy. I think he
AWFUL H4tuC HiS NY opCCSl, GACuSt lis
perhaps got permission to have 1t
printed. He would take his creature
comforts, and yet was exceedingly
particular about the purity of those
nearest to him. On one occasion the
old man came IN from Scotchy kind
Of a spree, VI hich he sometimes in
dulged in, and pointing with his thumb
to the next door, he said: ''Gentlc-
men, now be particular; [ have off
spring in there | had forgotten ali
about this poor old man with his sev~
eral hundred Thousand dollars, until /
saw the other day that his son-in-law
had banished his wife from bis pres
cnce, and then cut his throat with s
carving knife, SO it occurred to me
that nothing had saved myself and my
friends except our failure to make the
same amount of money. To q fool
money is a great atfiiction. The fool
is sure to do something wrong with
money. He will either 60 and gamble
or 80 and make another family, or
break somebody's family, or keep u
fast horse and break his neck. You
endow fool and you equip q fire.
balloon to 20 where it plcases. - oath
in Boston Globe.
He Knew.
A little boy, whose parents lived N
this city when the electric light system
f,.ct ,r,trC1,,naI norcn< r,,-n1