The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1885-12-02
CORNs.
Considered ms an Index of Enlightenment
--Huinau Misery.

Much has been said and written concern
ing corns by eminent scientists and theoloq-
ians who have given the subject earnest
and prayerful attention, but there is still
left broad field for thoughtful inyestipa-
ton. The writer of this paper has an un-
rivaled collection of these exotics, and has
devoted much careful study to their growth
and habits, watched them in repose, and
FELT the passionate throb of their mad pulses
when the gentle but firm pressure Of too
contiguous boot stirred all their dormant
energies 10 action cooled their feyered
brows with lemon juice and cream, and
with fond and doting parents tender care
have nightly wrapped their parched and
pain-racked frames in the soothing folds of
an oleaginous rag bound eelskin and to-
bacco on the soft variety, and have rasped
down those of the hard-shelled persuasion
with rattail file I; have patiently watched
the microscopic germ in the cuticle, that to
the inexperienced eye gave no promise Of
it's future greatness, until it blossomed
into mighty bunion capable of exciting
more remorse and Scriptural language than
an outdoor revival meeting. In short, there
is no phase of corn life with which / am
not as familiar as with the tenets of the
Emersonian school of philosophy.
1t is not, however, the purpose of this
brief article to enter into lengthy disgust.
ton upon the birth or origin of the corn,
or the relation it bears to modern civiliza.
ton, The present purpose is merely to i'm.
part few words Of wisdom that will awak
en- interest and curiosity and create de
sire to become better acquainted with the
subject in hand, or, more properly speak
ing, on foot.
Did you ever reflect that tho corn ia an
index of refinement and enlightenment
You may seek ii in vain in the miserable
habitations of the native of Terra del Fuego
or the bushmen of Australia, but in the
gilded homes of statesmen and men of let
tiers you will find them by the score. Gaze
upon the generous feet of the King of the
Cannibal Islands, who never had o corn in
his life unless it was appended to roast.
missionary-andt then search the embossed
pedal extremities of Mr.. Gladstone, or Lord
AehaJ ooh, Va f1Aiy HanBtiJB VI ehe WIiter Vi
this article, and you will realize that it is
not the shrek of the locomotive or the
gaudy uniform of the somnolent telegraph
but the humble and unassuming
coin that speaks loudest of the onward
strides of civilization. If yoa are not con-
vinced look backward into the dim past |
into the ages when hid even the tongue of |
prophe " lisped of the printing press, The
steam engine or the dude, its words would |
have been secuted as the rawlings of dis |
ordered brain. History records that Cleo |
patra had freckles, but where upon its pages
will you find q syllable to indicate that any |
Of the ancients had corns Can it be sup.
posed for moment that writer who would |
take pains to describe paltry assortment |
Of cuticular polka dots would, had they
then existed have omitted to mention those
,natomic oriels that now fill the CATERS OF
The human race so full of vain regrets Ger.
!ainly not. 1t is clear that only for O few
centuries have even the civilized nations Of
the globe known the Christening influence
of the contumacious orn.--Detrot Ere.
Press.