davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
money at it ?"

money at itP"
swell, guess so. People talk a
great deal about Jim's fences. Some
thing about them that seems to catch
popular favor. Gets splendid news
paper notices about his fences. While
other honest mechanics peg away
from year to year without getting a
single puff, the papers all allude to
Jim's work. 1t seems to be his liberal
way of putting 'em up. Jim sets 'em
up we'll"
"Oh, Jim Scott was always an
open handed fellow, I'll say that for
him."
"Well, he carries the same genial
generosity right into his business and
that's what makes him SO popular.
He doesn't mind an extra board or
two, and if fellow gets his fence
knocked down in the night, Jim puts
it right up for him again-bigger
than ever and doesn't charge cent. "
"Well, declare. I've always said
that when real wicked man reforms
he makes the best kind of man."
"He does, he does; some of Jim's
fences can be found on the very best
streets in the city. Oh, we couldn't
get along without jim"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that. l
wish you would tell him so"
II will, l will"
"And now, my friend, / would like
to labor with you."
"Well, you will have to labor pretty
lively. My boat leaves at s, and I've
only few minutes left"
"Tm sorry ] did not meet you
earlier. You are a newspaper man.
You might say that any papers sent
to the Bethel, Cleveland, will be
thankfully received"
"I'll do that with pleasure"
"You might say that the schooner
Erastus Corning nearly run us down
the other day, tore that house badly,
as you see, and came near sinking us. :"
1--WE published that some time ago.
You ought to labor with the Corning"
"Well goodbye"
"Good-bye."-Luk Sharp in De-
troit Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
A Great MANY Hogs.

A tall, lank man boarded an out
going western train near the stock
yards. He looked like a farmer, and
there was an odor of cattle-cars
about his clothes. He walked through
the car and looked about for a seat,
but nobody stirred to make room for
him. A drummer was spread over
two seats, and woman and her two
children over three. Several men
occupied whole seat apiece. The
tall, lank man gazed up and down the
car moment and then exclaimed:
"Well, by gosh, l cum up to Chi
cago with load O. hogs, but I'll be
darned if | thought I'd have to ride
home with a load, too. o."-Chicago
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Seeking a Fortune in the West

"My DEAR" said a father to his
daughter, chow long ago was it that
George jackson went West to seek his
fortune ?"
"Just year." the girl replied, with
blush.
"Was there anything between you
and George? sometimes thought
he was fond of you
"Hc was, papa" and the girl hid
her face on the old mans shoulder. 81
promised George when he went away
that would wait for him for years il
necessary"
81 have letter from him."
ooh, papa % she exclaimed. docs
he-er-has he-oh, tell me, wha,
does he say?"
"He wants $50 to get home with.
New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Smiths Little Game.

"Smith, now that times are hare
and money scarce, how do you man
age your wife when she asks for casf
for bonnets and dresses 7"
easy enough. | give it to her."
"You do ?"
Eyes, but always in the evening
never in the morning"
"Why in the EVENING""
"Well, she and play poker every
night after supper, and whenever
open a Jackpot and she gets a pair o.
mines or tens she bets 'em strong.
have no objection to giving her money
in the evening.-Chicago Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

MY DEAR" said frightened hus.
band in the middle of the night,
shaking his wife, "where did you put
that bottle of strychnine ?" "On the
shelf next to the peppermint" "Ob,
Lord! he groaned, 1--WE swallowed
it." "Well, for goodness sake u
whispered his wife, keep quiet OF
you'll wake the baby."-New York
Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

A good old Kentucky Democrat,
who has been waiting twenty-five
years for a postoffice, owns fine dog
which is his constant companion
The other day the dog had been hav.
ing run in the sunshine, and was
resting on the porch, with his tongue
hanging out. "That's boss dog
said travelling man who had been
selling the old man a bill of goods
"You're right he is," said the old
man, proudly. "What makes him
stick his tongue out that wayT-
"Politics." "Politics How 2" "Why
sir, that dog knows Cleveland is elect
ed, and he knows / want postoffice
and he's got his tongue out ready tc
begin licking the stamps."-Argon
aut.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

"What a man your father is ?" ex.
claimed Mrs. Homespun, looking up
from the letter she held in her hand
"He says he has bought a French
clock, and shall bring it home with
him. What will it be COED for ex.
cept as an ornament? None of us
can tell the time by it, unless you
can, Edith f; you know something
about French, don't you ?'-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Ayers Sarsaparilla

for Rheumatism, with entire success and,
after careful observation, declares that, In
his belief, there Is no medicine In the world
equal to It for the cure of Liver Disorders,
Gout, tho effects OF high living, Salt
Rheum, Sores, Eruptions, and all tho
various forms Of blood diseases.
We have Mr.. LELASD's permission to invite
ali who may desire further evidence in regard
10 the extraordinary curative powers OF
AYERS SARsAPARILLA 10 SEQ him person.
ally either at his mammoth Ocean Hotel,
Long Branch, or at the popular Leland Hotel,
broadway, Tth and 2sth Streets, New York.
Mr.. LELASD's extensive knowledge Of the
good done by this unequslicd eradicator OF
blood poisons enables him 10 give inquirers
much valuable information. -. y
rrxpArxp NJ - "
Dr.J.c.Aysr& & Co., Lowell, Mess.
Sold by all prussistsi q. six bestass f0s n !
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Feeding Oats to the Steer.

"You are drunk again" said the
Marshal. THE last time you got
drunk you never stopped till you had
slowed away a whole beef steer under
your shirt, in whisky, and you now
intend to follow that with your load
of oats. You better go home!"
20, wcll," hiccoughed the country
man, "you know that ,steer'll (hic)
want some oats anyhow, and you
betch-er-life (hic) he'll get EN-"
And he did.-Bainbridgc GA
Democrat.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

"Children," said gentleman visi-
tor in closing his address to an Ohio
school the other day, 81 trust you
will all appreciate education, and
cherish and love your excellent teach
er as l do" Tableau with red fire
furnished by the pretty schoolma'am.
-Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

She: "Oh, you are looking at that
picture. l drew that" He: "Did
youl Then your luck is as bad as
mine, l guess. I've spent 1 don't
know how many dollars in lottery
tickets, and l never drew n thing that
was worth anything."-Boston Trans.
criDt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

"Ma, our baby should be arrested
for sleeping" said boy to his moth
er. "Why, what makes you say
that? The baby is not guilty of any
crime" said his mother. ooh, yes,
it is; it is guilty of kidnapping."-
Pretzel's Weekly.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

When a barber seeks to make him.
self sociable with customer in the
chair, he is probably scraping an ac-
quaintance.-Chicago Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

An umbrella with pistol at the
end of the handle has been invented
The old fashioned umbrella "goes Off
easy enough for us.-Drake's Travel
er's Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

A popular clergyman in Philadel,
phia delivered lecture on "Fools. y
The tickets to it read: Lecture on
fools-admit one" There was very
large Observation-Disclosures Press
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

A scientist says that a very strong
solution of salt applied boiling hot
will preserve wood. This is impor-
tant to those whose woodpile has to
be protected by spring gun.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

"The secret of the Brook" is q
late poetic effusion. It's a foolish
person who would trust a secret to q
brook, as they have always been
noted for their babbling.-Pittsburg
Telegraph.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

A young mans head is like q piece
of timber. Nothing permanent can
be made of it while it is full of sap.
New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

During game between the Bea-
cons and the Melrose club the other
day, the cry of a baby was heard in
the midst of lull. The umpire
raised laugh by singing, lone
bawl. Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

The Detroit Free Press observes
"Beer is what ales Gladstone" We
thought it was ale that biered him.
Chicago Rambler.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

Blessed is the man who minds his
own business. Exchange. Blessed"
scarce you mean, don't you ?"-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

"Nobody ever knew me to take
water" yelled big man in drunk
en- street fight the other night
Houston Caller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

The billiardist's letter.-Q.-St
Paul Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

We suppose they call it "the silver
moon" because there are four quar-
ters in it.-Boston Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

Girls think men are all soul wom-
en- know they are all stomach.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

The real Observation-Disclosures
don Funny Folks.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

The key to good situation is not
whisky.-New Orleans Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

What is so dry as an alderman in
June ?-Texas Siftings. The same
old alderman in July.-Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

Man is fool if he blows his own
horn.-Ex. He's a bigger fool if he
blows some other fellow's.-Philadel-
phia Call.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

An Independent Newspaper Of Dem
cratic Principles. but not Controlled b
ny Set Of Politicians or Manipulators
Devoted to Collecting and Publishing al
he News Of the Day in the most Inter
sting Shape and with the greatest pos
ibIe Promptness, Accuracy and Impair
iaIity; and to the Promotion OF Demo
ratio Ideas and Policy in the affairs
government, Society and Industry.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
MIGHIGANCENTRALI.
The Niagara Falls Route.

Arrival and departure of trains noted below us
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

Paul Herald.
The real heart-tickle-love.-Lon
don Funny Folks.
The key to a good situation is no
whisky.-New Orleans Picayune.
Girls think men are all soul won
en- know they are all stomach.-Ex.
We suppose they call it "the silve
moon" because there are four quar-
ters in it.-Boston Bulletin.
What is so dry as an alderman il
June ?-Texas Siftings. The SAM
old alderman in July.-Free Press.
Man is fool if he blows his owl
horn.-Ex. He's bigger fool if h
blows some other fellow's.-Philadel
phia Call.
Nobody ever knew me to TAX
water" yelled big man in drunk
en- street fight the other night
Houston Caller.
The Detroit Free Press observes
"Beer is what ales Gladstone" w,
thought it was ale that biered him.
Chicago Rambler.
When q barber seeks to make him
self sociable with customer in th,
chair, he is probably scraping an &C
quaintance.-Chicago Sun.
A young mans head is like piec,
of timber. Nothing permanent cal
be made of it while it is full of sap
New Orleans Picayune.
An umbrella with pistol at tn,
end of the handle has been invented
The old fashioned umbrella "goes Off
easy enough for us.-Drake's Travel
er's Magazine.
A scientist says that very strong
solution of salt applied boiling no
will preserve wood. This is impor
tant to those whose woodpile has t.
be protected by spring gun.-Life.
A popular clergyman in Philadel
phia delivered lecture on "Fools.
The tickets to it read: Lecture OF
fools-admit one." There was yer,
large Observation-Disclosures Press
"The secret of the Brook" is ;
late poetic effusion. It's a foolisl
person who would trust secret to ;
brook, as they have always beer
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22
oLD-TIDrE JOURNALISM.
President Harrison as Thankful GIFT
Thker.


A copy Of the National Inteligencer OF
March s, 1871. well preserved. but bearing
the yellow hues of age and containing
items which NAV be instructiyely repro
duced, was discovered in st. Louis the
other day. Though more than A years
old the COPY tells 1t is Number 5,S54 or
volume Mil"
The first page is mostly taken up with
the inaugural address OF President-elect
| Harrison, though a paragraph announces
the election Of VIM. ;. Archer, senator
from Virginia, WHO'S classed as "a sound
and sterling R7Dublican." The con-
frmatiOn Of judge Daniel as Associate
! Justice Of the United States Supreme
Court is sharply arraigned for indecent
haste, and the fact that he was con-
frmed by less than majority OF tue
Senate. The second page Is largely
devoted to foreign correspondence from
France, three weeks old, and the thlrd
page 10 general foreign news, ranging IN
dave from October to January. The Sem
ate proceedings on Feb. IS give only q
speech from Senator Huntington on the
election OF Public Printer. The fourth
page contains a report Of the Inaugural
ton proceedings. and list OF the acts
passed by Lhe second session OF the IWen-
ty-sixth Congress. Tnesenumber just 40,
one-half originating in each house, ana
are mostly appropriations, pension and
relief bills. The whole amount Of appro-
pratiop was So. 756, 1873, in which was in
cluded shat for the Post Office Department,
to be paid by that departments exclusively.
There We're gifts to the President in
those days, too. Nr. Isaac Newton, OF
Pennsylvania, presented the President
with fatted calf manthe old weighing
3Si pounds dressed. A splendid coach
was presented by the Wings OF Baltimore,
and walking-caDe made from part OF
the coach of Gen. Washington came from
Bishop Meade, OF Virginia. These pres
ents were each received with an address
OF thanks by the President-eleet. Presi-
dent Harrison rode to the capitol on a
white charger, accompanied by suite Of
personal friends. Toe procession is de-
scrlbed as fine, and there was the usual
tinsle of balls and festivities.
The name Of the subscriber Of this relic
of past journalism is a historic one also.
EX-GOv. II. r. Gamble, whose name is
hOnorably associated with the early his
tory of Missouri, and who late IN life,
against his will and under the most try
ing circumstances, was called to take a
leading part in state affairs. He was one
OF the old line Wings, and, of course, a
subscriber to the National LpteHigepCeF.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22
sEABIRDs AS CAUTION SIGNALS.
Some Weather Prophets that Beat
HA8en.
From the PhiiddeiDhjd Ledger.


From the PhiladetDhja Ledger.
1t is said that the jewellers on the York
shire (English) coast call the sea birds
Marlborough pilots" In a fog the cries
OF these birds RdmOnish the mariner OF
his approach to land or dangerous reefs.
The different cries of different birds in
dictate distances, as some OF these
feathered pilots venture farther out than
others. That many a ship and many a
life have been thus saved is the esJimony
Of old mariners-Old sailor stories we
fear. StIll that Is what ''they
say" Frank Buckland, the eminent mai
uralist, of whom We wrote at length re-
Gently, ind0rses this statement, however,
as TO the unconscious service OF The sea
guls. The same and other Indications
are observed wherever the sailor ven
lures. His imprinted weather wisdom
can be gained only by his personal Obser-
Walton and experience. What he knows
he can tell; how be knows he cannot ex-
plan. Everything has its meaning to the
''ancient mariner"
The words ancient mariner suggest
to the sailor, if he has read COlerldge's
poem, great mistake Of the poet. Calam-
tiles beiail the man in the poem, who con
fesses he "sh0t the albatrOss." This line
TO the sailor is an anti-climax. The alba
tross may be shot by the dozen, ana no
sailors superstition would be alarmed
thereby. But no shot is wasted on the
albatrOss. To shoot il would be waste,
since that would only be to leave a use
less carcass floating on the sea. Sailors
catch the bird with hook and line,
as it sits calmly ON the water. The flesh
is not estable, but the feathers Jack finds
use for, and the great beak is kept as a
trophy. Cation or shoot the albatross il
you like, but never harm "MOther Carey's
Chicken" That would be an act of awful
pOrtent indeed. "MOther Carey's Chick
en-" however, would not 'cOme In the
line," as printers would express it, and
so COleridge took the albatTOss.
Mother Carey's Chicken is the familiar
name Of small species Of the stormy Pc
trel. Flocks OF them fit together with a
fight like the sparrows, over and under
the crests of the waves, the happiest crea-
lures alive. Their family name of petrol
comes from st. Peter, as they seem TO
walk upon the water Mother Carey is a
corruption of mater cara (dear mother }.
French sailors call these petrels the
"birds of our lady, Flocks of these
"chickens" are regarded as cautionary
heralds OF storm. 1t - not difficult TO
understand why the old-lashiOned sailor,
Influenced by tradition. and grateful for
practical Omens, should regard the killing
Of a stormy petrol as almost sacrilege.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22
TIE HOUSE THAT WAS MADE FOR
TIE WOMAN.

From the A,aeaia ~. ~ Zt1nss.
This is the House that Jill built.
Tbs is The woman
With face 81 fair
Ana free from care
For her was the house that Jill built.
This is the door with the latch string out:
A welcome door
To rich and poor
Who seek the house hat Jill built.
These are the windows with open blinds,
w Oh le IN the hight
And shine at night
From the lamps Ia the house that Jill buili
These are the carpets bright and clean,
Made to be stepped on
As well as 10 be seen
On the floors Of the house that Jill built
These are the easy, oli-style chairs,
Placed 10 cit in
Here and there
For the folks in the house that jill built.
These are the stoves that glitter aud glow,
10 the open CRATE,
Not in the plate,
To warm the house that Jill built
These are the children
Happy and gay
That laugh aud play
in the rooms " The house that Jill built.
These are the flowers OF forest bloom
Which offer 10 her their sweet perfume,
The woman with face so far
ana free from care,
For whom was the house that Jill built.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22

ladrid Letter to Paris Register.

Mddrid Letter TO Paris Register.
could not realize we had a Legation,
but now have great hopes Of things re-
turning to their normal condition, as far
AS am concerned at least, since Mr..
Cleveland has been pleased to name Mr..
Curry. of Richmond, Va, as Minister
Pleuipotentary to Spain. The future lady
representative OF our country is one OF the
sisters OF Mrs. CalderOn Carlisle, of Wash
ingtOn, nee Mlss Thomas, of Richmond.
The three sisters have all been celebrated
beauties-taiented. cultivated girls-cCn-
sequently we are sure 10 be creditably
represented once mere; aud Mrs. Curry
haa an additional advantage, that OF be-
ing, by marriage, a niece Of the Marchi0-
ness Calderon de Ia Barca, nee Miss Lydia
lnglis, wnO fills the important position OF
lady Of honor to the future Queen OF Port.
uRal, for have no dout that Don Alton
SOS youngest sister, the lnianta Eulalia,
will ultimately bestOw her pretty eef on
Don Carlos, the Crown Prince OF Porn-
gal. As all the mem bers OF the lnglis and
Carlisle family are great iaV0rites at the
spanish Court, Mrs. Curry IL bound 30
come in for her share OF distinction by
royalty. by the way what pity 10 is
that Mr.. Bayard doesn't think OF buying a
building Tor the Legation, roomy enough
for all purposes. think he will be sur.
prised when ! tell him that until just
three weeks ago all the archives of the
Legation were stored away ia room In
the lodgings OF one OF the servants Of the
Legation. To be sure. the man lives ON
the fourth floor Of The some house IN which
the Legation occupied Hat on the second
floor. There WAS absolutely nothing %
protect The archives In case OF any emer-
gency, no coatOf-arms. nothing; and
that ever since July. 1855. Mr. strobel,
our Charge d'Anaires, who could act in
dependenlly after Mr.. Forster's permgn-
ent retirement, put a stop 70 this slipsnod
state OF things ~ ordering the archives 10
be brought downstairs, where they are
now under the wings OF our Eagle.
Velvet costumes en- brOidered with rosa.
4.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22
Times arc Hard.

From he Americas (Gd.) Republieda.
A farmer ~ the 2Sth district SAID 20 US
to-day; "1ou men in town don't know
anything about the nix we farmers are in
An instance: A widow lady out our way
made four bales OF cotton, sold IL, and az
On tails she had her family 20 provide for
during the coming winter. but had corn
enough 20 eat. A day or so ago the Sher-
III wen: from here for a merchant to levy
on her place. A neighbor heard Of IT,,
took his buggy, got the widow, brought
her to the merchant, made q statement,
and he agreed 20 take corn In pay. That
Is only one instance ia many can name,
mt It Is useless. We are hard up. the
officers are running around with attach
meuts. and unless mercy is shown 10 .hp
poor farmers. there'il be a great deal OF
suffering, as leyies will strip them OF all
they have 20 live on.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-11-22
wooD-NorEs FROM a CAGE.



What-what-wh there, my ret csnsryf
WHAT are you trying, my town b1e1-blrd:
You, u hose performance used never to vary
Alb, can guess at the rogue you've heard.
DAY after day, in your hrlcht brass dwelling,
You lived in comfort, you took our DIPS
Your cup ran over with seeds for -he-ling'
Your dear delight was celery-up.
Primly and trinity you sleeked your feathers
To swing In the ring YOU considered 'hss,
And you sang, sang, sang 10 ali seasons ana
with swelling throat such song as this:
"Sweet. swe. O. sweet,
Seets to-eat.
SWee-eete
Just-hear- me-trIl like r.l, rill, rin,
Sweet, sweet, sweet"
But away at the farm house last july, sir,
Don't know VINO. ID thr dawn and dew,
Came. ike q Game. 10 the branch near 10y. slr,
Flashing, and 1asling, and haunting yOut
Who but the OrIole. orange and sables
Brilliant Lord Baltimore, velvety- necked,
Wmstlln out clear through the mornis gay
Something to this provoking effect:
you're Gagged, see. Tisn't fair; but I don't
I'm free, free. free! Ono, it's rare-and
don't care!
''Frees"-You listened. aud learned his
meaninEi
Shadow and meadow and breezy tree.
Cherry and berrl hitting and & leaning,
Mating and buillng-
"Oa. free, free, free"
And now Won repeat. though a tribe queerly,
That nonchalant mel .dy, DER and Ger
Ana persuade yOurself-or 20 very nearly =
You are quite as content as you were be-
fore!
st is nj fair. but / don't care!