The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-04-09
WIT AND HUGOR.

1t went to his wifeSs second husband.
Louisville CourierJournal.
would not live always-I ask not to stay
Where men with their bills chase me round
There's enough in this world, with each wor-
rying i'll
It's babies it's failures, it's doctors who kill
Without an Icnyosaurus
To come round and bore US
From morning to night with his fearful long
bill.
-Rockland Courier
The elegant, titled Sir Thomas Haut Ton
Fell in love with the only fair daughter
Of an oleomargarine maker, and won
Her affections by swearing, his honor upon,
That he never would have any but her.
Alas he repented the pun at his ease.
They were wed, and, as she had the dollars,
He must smile when addressed as my Lard
or "Your Grease"
When a daughter came, even the joke didn't
But they marked Margarine on her collars.
-Harper's Bazaar.
A new book is.entitled How l Made
Money at Home" We advise our read
ers to have nothing to do with it. Three
men were arrested few days ago for
making money at home.-horristo'0n
Herald.
81 have neither time nor inclination
to pass paregorics on the deceased"
remarked Southern funeral orator.
''Panegyrics," corrected person pres
ent. "As you please, sill" remarked
the orator. stiffly the words are anony-
mous.m
care you going to the party this
evening, Maud?" mo, l guess. not;
I'm afraid that horrible Smith girl will
be there" "Oh, no, she won't; she
said she wasn't going" "Why not?"
because she was afraid you would
be there"
In Virginia father may be hanged
if he consents to the marriage of his
daughter when she is only II years old.
There is many father who wishes he
had been hanged before he consented
to the marriage of his daughter when
she was 6.-LouiSUiUc COurter-Jour-
nal.
Rich uncle on his death-bed to
nephew will make you my heir.
John, on one condition, and that is you
are never to marry. Nephew &C.
cep the condition, uncle. Rich Uncle
How will you be able to resist the
temptation? Nephew will move to
Boston.
what cute little mustache John
has," remarked one girl to another.
Slightly scattered, however" Eyes,
it's a baseball mustache." whats
that-nine on = side?" "Of course not;
that's old" What is it, then?"
"Why, three out all out "-Merchant
IrdUeler.
The word ranch means a good
deal in the Far West. An Eastern
clergyman who is spending the winter
in Santa Barbara, Cal, writes of lit
tie boy 4 years old in that lovely valley
who was overheard to pray that when
he died the Lord would take HIM to his
ranch.-N Y. Ledger.
Civil Service Examiner Ito colored
applicant tor the situation of letter car
rier)-''State the distance from Lon
don, England, to Calcutta, India via
the Suez Canal" C0lored Applicant
"Say, boss, eff yo'se gwine ter put me
on dat route, you can disremove my
applicashun often de book
1t is said that bees will never sting a
person whose head is smeared with
molasses. The bother of it is, that
when man has incurred the animosi-
ty of a colony of bees he doesn't have
much time to go home, get some mo-
lasses, and spread it on his epidermis.
The oh-fashioned way is the best-just
run.-Burlington Free Press.
When / was at Washir gton I said to
the engineer of the little building at
the foot of the monument: sYou have
a mighty tall chimney for such small
factory" He silently chalked mark
on the board wall behind him. whats
that for?" l inquired. ''You are the
10th person who made that remark"
was his answer.-Detroi Free Press.
Most people 60 up stairs in heath
enish fashion, striking their soles
against the steps as harshly as possible,
wearing out their leather prematurely
and making disagrecable noise. Some
run up, taking two steps at time, and
others always fall two or three times.
Going up stairs should be one of the
slowest and most deliberate acts of q
mans life.
Buckle my shoe, Egbert, DEAR"
said Chicago belle to her near-sight-
ed tiancee. Egbert went down on his
knee like true knight, but, as he had
lost his eye-glass, his vision was a little
uncertain. "Is this your foot, dar-
lingP" he inquired. You bet," she
said. Jaw, pawdon. II thought it
was the lounge" Egbert is now dis
engaged.-Te1as SJttngs.
A New York physician reports case
of wallpaper poisoning the persons
who slept in the papered room having
contracted ''catarrh, pharyngitis, mi
graine, conjunctivities, muscular pains,
and swelling of the salivary glands"
1t must have made 'em sick; but they
are lucky that the Wallpaper didn't
also give them ingrowing nails. bum
ions, and strabismus. - NorriStoUn
Herald.
Father" said young son of Dea-
con Squibbs, "what is the difference be-
tween man that dies wooden lambs
and New York editor?" "Well now,
really, my son." beaming benignly on
his offspring; Il am not prepared to
state. What is the difference?" ''Why,
pa, one is lamb dyer, and the other a
=" "What! what! my sonT New
York editor" continued the youth
rolling his tongue around in his cheek.
Mrs. Langtry is said to have intro
duced the song, go to Sleep, My Ba-
by" in her performance of Lady Tea
zle. The innovation seems 10 have
proved popular with London audiences,
so we may soon expect Romeo to war
BILE cover the Garden Wall to his Ju-
liet, and the Ghost of Hamlet's father
will close his remarks to his son with
the effective little ballad, "See That My
Graves Kept Green"
The ancient Egyptians were a pecu-
liar people. When a fire broke out
they cared for nothing but the safety Of
their cats and were terribly afflicted
if one of them fell a victim to the
flames. A dozen cats might howl
Sweet Violets" and other gems of
song in backyard until 3 a. m. and
not single bootjack or shaving-cup
would be found in the enclosure the
next day.-NorriStoUn Herald.
Near Richmond Va is a farm, bo,r.