Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1885-09-02
FACETIE.


.sTAnKINa o. dogs" said the colonel,
.stalklng of dogs, friend of mine has
a Gordon setter. She's the most SYM
pathetic dog 1 ever heard of. She has
the maternal instinct SO strong that
she has brought up q whole farm
yard"
'T've known OF such cases" said
the Judge.
"But this Is the most extraordinary.
There'w was hen had a chicken. The hen
died, and the chicken was in sore dis.
tress, This dog took pity on 1t and
sucked the chicken"
Yes" said the doctor. ''that's curl
GUS, but it is not uncommon.
.'And now," MD the colonel solemn
ly, ''that chick barks -
He had teen going to see her for
long time, but never stated the Object
of hls visits, and size was desirous oi
knowing something Of the future, The
last night he called he seemed quite
sad, aud after several well-developed
sighs he said:
Lire Is full, very full of bitterness,
isn't it?'
"Oh. 1 don't know" she responded
cheerily. al haven't much cause to
complain"
Possibly not uow," Mary, but the
bitter cup has been placed to your
lips
''Yes, Henry. my pareuts are dead"
And is there no bitterness in that,
Mary? Is it not very, very sad to be an
orphsn?"
or course it is, Henry, but you see"
and she blushed-''it relieves you of
the embarrassment TO ask father"
CERTAINLY a curiosity: Cant you
tell me. sir, where l might find a situa-
tion?" asked Young man of Chicago
citizen, al am a stranger here"
"Whst at2' was the reply.
''Oh, anything ut all. L am not
afraid of work"
"Got any recomnendations?'
well no; but 1 am industrious. 1 am
honest, | so to church regularly. L
iont drink, l don't smoke, / don't
chew"
"Ah, see. Just apply around the
corner at the dime museum.
WHY, where is the mackerel I
brought home last night" asked Jen-
kins at the breakfast table.
do you mean the mackerel you
,ronght home early this moining?"
Iuauired his wife rigidly.
Er-yes. of course. l was detained
Al
1t was morning before l got home. But
where Is it.
"You put it to soak in the washbasin
AID l had to throw it away"
A New YORK young man who mag
ines that he is painter, recently took
one Of his productions to an artist and
said:
"Now 1 want you to give me criti-
clsm on this.
The real artist turned the picture
over and examined the back of it care
fully. and then said:
You have made one great mistake.
You should havs bought cheaper can.
gas."
A swEErHEARr's solitude: I'm so
alarmed, Lizzie" exclaimed st.
Louis girl, who was engaged to be mar
ried TO a young army officer. HE
hasn't written me in three days"
There is no occasion TO get excited,
Was the reassuring reply; she is out OF
the reach of Indians, there is no cpl
demic prevailing where he is stationed,
and when he last wrote you he was In
perfect health " "Oh, yes, | know all
that, Lizzie" said the tImid, agitated
creature, "but then there's the army
worm"
"WasT do you suppose I'll look like
when / get out OF here?" snapped
young lady at the conductor of an
over crowded cable car. "a good deal
like crushed sugar, miss, said the bell
ringer. And the young lady held on to
strap and rode four miles further
with the smile of an angel.
DADDY, I kain't swallow mine,"
oried one of the children. "Yes, yer
kin, an III iist go fur yer if yer don't
udl pm uC LIZA AC"
moments OBJ time. Frow Yer head back
clinch yer teeth, and make a ramrod OBJ
your tongue. and let her slide. AMI
dat's hit. She's gone. 1 saw der rip
pie"
WHILE an old man was asleep on the
steps of his house in New York, some
villains poured coal oil on his clothes
and set it on fire. This happened
week ago, but We have not yet heard
Of any of our churches taking up col
lection to send missionaries 70 New
York.
A recent investigator certifies that the
Keely motor is ''simply bungling ap-
plIcation of compressed air to light
1t would hardly be polite,
We suppose. to say that our unique and
Vest is constructed on Just
that plan; but it would be the sober
truth all the same.
A MODERN lock 's-myth- q woman's
hair. A threshing machine-the old
slipper. The prize fighter is
able to produce striking effects.
"YKs, said Sneerwell, at the summer
totel, "t have read that there are
A million more females than males in
this country, and now know it.
HOLD this before your gIrl as SOL
emn warming: A sixteen-year-old girl
at Newcomerstown. Ohio, died the
other day from eating ice cream and
oysters.