The Northern Pacific farmer., 1885-05-14
ARTEMUS~WARD.
Eomethiu2 OF tho Death:and Life OF tn1
>. Great Humorist- -. rs


Semothiug OF tho Death:and Life OF thu
!, : Great Humortst E. g.
There is fascination to. some OF us
about first things and last things
wonder if you wouldn't like TO hear ar
temus .Ward's%last Joke. Here it is: as
told by . naval officer, Admiral De-
Rohan:
II was at Radfords Hotel, southamp-
ton. England, one nightein 1866, when
the landlady came to me and said:
Admiral, there is4an American upstairs
very sick, and I am afraid he is going
to die. Can't you 20 and zee him?
Madam replied, mere is my supper,
all hot, and friend to take i with me;
/ CAN'T see all the An1erisans vheNaait
to come to Southampton tc die. VIE y
hep .'Oh, SIR she: added: she % o
writer-Mr. Browne; he is Hnrtemus
Ward, the comic writer, - I ht.
K had never known Ward. but !
went upstairs, and there found. LIT.
Kingston, Wards business agent. II
stepped up to the bed, and there saw
the long thin aquil1ne nose, and the re-
markably clear blue eyes OF Artemus
Ward for the first time. His face was
thin and bleached, and he was mere
string of bones from head to foot. L
leaned over him and reached my hand
under the cover and took his hand. SAID
I: Browne, am one of Your country
men, and have come to see if can DO
ANYTHING for. you He made ,mSeet7
ment with his lips as if to- speak; but
could not articulate; yet that pait Of
grey eyes, without any fear IN them,
followed me around intelligibly. I saw
that he had but a few hours to live:
what doctor have you here? asked:
Kingston told me, and l said:
THAT is not the best doctor IN
Southampton; I will send my doctor
down, and see if anything can be done
The doctor came, but shook his head IN
a moment. He is past help said the
doctor; the best I can do for him is to
take care Of his brain, which IS still
alive, and will give him some sedatlve,
that his closing moments may be as ca
sy as possible That sedative was to DE
administered at certain intervals, and
Mr.. Kingston being very tired asked
me if I would sit up with Artemus
Ward and give him his doses every two
heurs or so. I had given him one or
two doses, and when came to the,
third, said: Now, Browne, here IS
your medicine which the doctor has lett
for you. It is time to take it like man..
There was little catch in his crescent
shaped nose, and without any tremor or
fear his pair of blue eyes rolled up to
nv face, and then he made the words
with his lips just audibly: Cant
you take it for me?' I suppose that
was the last joke he ever made. and
traces of smile accompanied it,"
He died shortly afterward.
James Parton, in closing an article
about this man, says:
II thought I ought not to conclude
this article without letting the reader
know why this bright and genial spirit
is no longer here to add to the worlds
amusement. Well, this was the reason:
Wherever he lectured, whether IN New
England, California Or London, there
was sure to he knot of young fellows
to gather around him, and 60 home with
him to his hotel, order supper, and
spend half the night in telling stories
and singing songs. To any man this
will he fatal in time; but when the
nightly carouse follows an evenings
performance before an audience, and if
succeeded by railway journey the next
day, the waste of vitality is fearfully
rapid. Five years of such life finished
poor Charles Browne. He died in Lon
don in 1867, aged thirty three years.
and he now lies buried at the home of
his childhood, in Maine.
"He was not deep drinker. He
was not man of strong appet1tes. 1t
was the nights wasted in conviv1ality
which his system needed for sleep, that
sent him to his grave forty years before
his time. For men of his profession
and character, for all editors, literary
men and artists, there is only one safe
ty-tee- totalism. He should have TAX
en- the advice of the stage driver, to
whom he offered some whiskey; and l
commend it strongly to the countless
hosts who see this paper every week;
L don't drink-I won't drink! And [
don't like to see anybody else drink.
I'm of the opinion of those mountains
keep your top cool! They We 60:
snow, and I've got brains-thats all
the difference