Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1885-10-03
VARIETIES.
VAhl LILO
"A girl with a new dress and


often breaks man.
A country seat that always rents
The barbed wire fence.
A Newport dentist extracts teeth
without pain-to himself
This is not the time to get married.
The gentle Spring tie'em is the best.
Why is a crow brave bird ? Be
cause it never shows the white feather.
Why is sympathy like blind-man's
buff? 1t is fellow feeling for fellow
creature.
Anybody can play a hand-organ,
but that is no reason why anybody
should.
Why is novel-writer the most pc
culiar of animals because his tail
comes out of his head
1t would never do to put John L.
Sullivans phiz on a postage stamp. 1t
it too hard to lick him.
A school journal advertises make
the school interesting" That's what
the small boy tries to do to the best of
his ability.
81 see you have been fishing. Were
you very successful p Certainly; l
caught enough malaria to last me the
rest of my natural existence"
A shopkeeper having had a stormy
discussion with his better-half, put the
shutters up and affixed the following
notice "Closed during alterations. y
Mary j. Happy has been made Sad
by marrying man of that name.
When she geJs over her first little Sad
ness she will doubtless be happy again.
OF all the actions of mans life his
marriage does the least concern other
people, yet, of all actions Of our life It's
the most meddled with by other people.
A New York paper says that the
English yacht Genesta takes kindly
to American waters" The same can
not be said of good many of her
eountrymen.
can improved method of frosting
windows is to wash the panes with ep-
som salts" says an exchange. Taken
internally they sometimes create etire-
ly new pains
A little girl wanted to know of her
mother if the piano tuner was not
doctor of music; "for," she added,
hes doctored up our old piano a good
many times"
"What are the last teeth thatcomes"
asked Lynn teacher to her class in
| physiology. False teeth, num-" re-
piled boy who had just walked up on
the back seat
1t has been decided in Ohio that the
husband is the legal owner of the wife's
clothes This viii probably ease the
old gentleman's mind as he planks
down $50 in settlement of last springs
bonnet.
"Young man, don imagine that be-
cause a girl smiles at you that she loves
you, We have seen young ladies smile
at the antics ola cage of monkeys. How
do you know but that she takes you for
a lost link
A young man from Brooklyn got in
the way Of girl from Nantucket who
was shooting at fair mark, and paid
him fifty cents damages for the bullet
in his leg If she was rich she'd like to
shoot at young men all day.
A dry goo1 clerk took his girl out
for some ice cream the other night, and
in moment of observation-disclosures
thinking he was waiting upon a Gus
toner, said cordially Anything else?"
She took lemonade and cake.
Curious world this" said an old
man to a fellow traveller on bridge
car Very" was the laconic reply.
"And its strange" continued the ven
cradle philosopher very strange that
so few Of us get out Of it alive
A young woman from the rural dis
tricts entered drygood store the other
day, and asked for pair of stockings.
The clerk politely asked her what num-
Der she wore. "Why, two, you fool.
Do you think | am centipede, or that
| have wooden leg?"
A German went into restaurant
and as he took his seat an Irish waiter
came up aud bowed politely, "Wie
ghets !? said the German. also bowling
politely wheat cakes" shouted the
waiter installing the salutation for an
order. mine, nein p said the German.
"Nine p said the waiter. you'll be
lucky if you get three"
johnny said paterfamilias to his
promising first born, why do you al
ways run away and leave your little
sister to go to school alone 2" Cos |
like to-" replied Johnny. but you
shouldn't do it, 1t isn't bit gallant.
You never see me go off and leave your
ma, now" "Oh, WE'LL" replied John
ny, philosophically," there is no fool
like an old loo!
Happiness is not a privilege but, a
duty not mere outward good that
perhaps come to us, but an inward
possession which we are bound to at
tain. When we remember the conta-
gious character of happiness, the
strength, courage, and hope is excited
by is very presence, and the power for
good it exerts in every direction, we
cannot doubt our obligation to attain
as much ofitas possible
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An Arellftecte Opinion.
Mr.. Edward Sidel was the chief assist
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