Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-02-07
The First Oyster.Eaters.
London Telegraph.

Af'|N'f wv e'HPhsl
When the primitive man found him
self with the first oyster in his hand
the probabilities are that he was puzzled
what to do with it, for the thing was
shut. Instinct told him that there was
something good to eat inside the shell.
Besides, he had already robbed the
cookie and the mussel of their contents
and thoroughly appreciated them so
by some rude process of reasoning from
analysis he felt sure that if he could
only get the oyster open he
would find something nice within.
But the creature had closed itself 80
tight that he could not even get his
nails in between the edges. Its size
prevented him putting it into his mouth
to crack it. For miles and miles there
was only mud and sand on either side
of him, so that he had nothing hard
enough to smash it upon. In half
hearted sort Of way he endeayored to
insinuate splinter of a cockle-shell to
prize the valves open. Then he trihed
with the thinner edge with his teeth.
At last he thought of his own skull,
and raped the oyster on it; but not
very hard, for it hurt him. He did it
i'll contemplatiye sort of way-just
as monkey, bored to death
with a Brazilian nut which it cannot
break, and yet is loathe to throw away,
sits and taps it on the palm of his paw.
looking all about him with an distracted
expression of face. So safe the abort
ginal man now and again he would
up to renewed assault upon
the obstinate mollusk. He put it down
on the sand and hurt his foot by stamp
ing on it: then he took it and threw il
up as high as he could in the air to see
if it would mash by the fall: then he
put it in front of him and apostrophized |
it, spoke seriously to it, lectured it. |
scolded it, abused it, coaxed it. flattered |
it, said nasty things about it. appealed |
10 it, threw himself on its gene
rosity, tainted it, ridiculed it, sneered
1t it, invoked it, prayed to it, blessed |
{, cursed it. But the oyster would
rot be moved either by complaint or
insult; it remained as obdurate as that
= pebble-hearted cur" Lannce's dog.
Not word could he get out of it:
here was 10 more expression on its
ace than on slice ofcold pudding. 1t
emained stolidly shut. Then our an
estor gave way to gloomy despair;
he threw himself down on the sand and
Jared with impotent desire at
he exasperating shell-fsh. Bad.
wicked thoughts came into his
mind. lie saw his aged grand
ire approaching, and, reckoning him
nth fraudulent smile, induced the
DOR old man to sit down on the sand
nd then suddenly, without any warn
lg, he smote him on the crown of the
cad with an oyster. Again and again
ne mollusk descended, till at length. in
frenzy Of determination, he gathered '
p all his force in one decisive blow.
'hlch split his grandsire's skull, but
roke the shell. Thereupon regardless.
the corpse beside him, the assassin
cked out the plump oyster and swal-
wed it. He closed his eyes while a
nile OF inefiable enjoyment stole over !
IS features. but only for a moment. q
he oyster passed away like beauti-
! dream. He sighed and rose. 1t was
fearful price to pay for the delicious :
orsel. Yet other thoughts perplexed a
m. His relatives were not numerous :
ID if he must be obliged to use I'D one
Oh time when he ate an oyster he :
uld not look forward to more than a 2
uple Of score at the most. Neverthe- /,
IS, he gathered bushel or so and q
mt home, bordering over the situa- :
N. He told his dreadful secret to a
end, and that very evening, as he was ;. :,
eep, his friend came and cracked an G,
ster ON his skull. The original savage q q
not die, but his intellect was pcrma-
,tly affected. This was not the :
rst, however, for somehow the know ]
&c Of the fascinating bivalye spresd. I
men went about with surreptitious 4
tiers concealed upon their persons. y
the chance Of meeting with some one "
whose Uranium they could crack