Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-06-21
Brother Skinncr's Marriage.

81 should like to spoke few remarks
to Brudder Side-Bar skinner OBJ
served the president, as the dust began
to settle in Paradise hall.
Brother Skinner, who is a young man
of %, with a mild eye and a lilac neck
tie, advanced to the front, and the
president continued:
'Brudder skinner, de news has
reached my ears dat you am about to
be mar'd. trus dat de report am
true, bekase ! believe it am de dOoty of
ebery young man who kin support a
wife to take one. y
lit am true, sab.
'Den let me compliment you wild one
hand an spoke few remarks wild de
odder. Gittin mar'd has its VERY
serious side Fur instance, am de cal
gwine to mary you bckase she loves
you, or to spite her folkes bekase dey
kept her away from de skatiu' rink?
An you gwine to mary de gal fur love
or bekase her father has some wealth
which you hope he'll shell out fur your
benefit?
Love am a powerful emoshun, Brud-
der Skinner, but love widout pork and
'taters to keep it goin' am like de froth
on top of sodawater.
Don't mistake your sentiments. If
you am sartin dat you love. 90 ahead
Ii it am only lollypop, hire out as a
deCk-hand on a steamboat fur "A week
an it will all 90 away. hcv known
couples cz seemed to be dyin' of love.
DER silly ackshuns made 'em de latin
stock of a hull nayburhood. Dey seem
ed TO dote and dote, but it didn't last.
Arter couple of y ars de hus band war
home grumbler an tryant, an de
wife a gadabout an scold. What
dey posed was love wur only lolly-
pop.
"Doan' marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in de barber biz
ness. Most taddcr-in-laws not only
want all dey hez got, but am willn' to
struggle for another 5000
"DOan' sot down an fgger dat TO
taterS, a loaf of bread, half u pound of
meat, an a quart Of applesass am 90
in to run you fur week. You will
want all de salary you can ai'rn, an
you had better look arouu' an find
somebody who will lend you q dollor
now an then.
loan Hdllcr yeTselVes uat all you
hev got TO do am to hug in de house an
kiss ober dc gate. You'll be hungry
fur con beef an baked beans; your
cloze will war out; your -four an but
ter vii! waste away, an bill fur two
months rent will send a chill up yer
back. DE man or woman who specks
dat mar'd life am green an shady
lane, lined wild orange blossoms on one
side an ten dollar bills on de odder, am
gwIno to wake up some day an lind
dc rats lcayln' de place in disgust.
Think Of desc things, Brudder
Skinner. You kin get wife in about
five minutes, but it takes five vars to
git slet Of some of 'em. Expect
about one days sunshine fur week of
cloudy weather. Reckon on house rent
comm due de fust of ebery month, an
de grocer an butcher kecpin' an eve
out fur you each Saturday night. 1t
will amaze you now de woodpile de-
ccdes an how de flour gifts outen dc
bari so soon. Doan' walk into matri-
mOny like a lobster into box. but tig-
ger on whether de bait am wuth de
risks. Ii you conclude to mary you
Kin depend on dis club attcudin' de OBJ
scquics in Il body, bringin' along u
bountcous supply Of ham sandwiches.
II you decide not to, 1t am probable
dat you will soon be promoted TO some
poslshun of trust an responsibility. -
Tic Lame ktln CiuJ.