The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1885-09-17
NO ST.
WIT AND HUNIOIs.

SNo eh0h Jou huOW SOLuC 6Jeel 10 100
highly tempered Yonkers Statesman.
A New York policeman has just been
sentenced to Imprisonment for life
Peoplo will now have tho satisfaction
OF knowing where they can find him
when they want him.
Judge-'.How old are you, madamP"
Witness-'r havo no personal knowl-s
edge Of my age, and hoarsay testimony,
understand, Is not accepted in this
court. "-BoSton Beacon.
"Doar me-" said lady in Fifth
avenue the other evening. How the
china craze is growing! Here's New
York club that is paying $50 for
pitcher. ."-Atbany Times.
Matilda's lover to hor little sister
Como, Myrtle, give mo kiss, only
one. l.. S.-No, l won't; you asked
Iildy for just one, in the parlor, before
dinner, and you took two.
| Col j. Annoy Knox of Texas Stft-
.n9s lectured in New York in behalf of
the Bartholdi pedestal fund. Among
other bright remarks he said: .'The
English have something which passes
current for humor and which is not, I
assure you, to be laughed at"
Il 500 you arc building new house,
Mr. Brown" "Yos, you are right"
made tho money out of whisky, I
supposoP' NO" why, YOU arc a
liquor dealer, are you notP'' 80, yes;
but tho money Pm putting into this
house was made out of water put in
to tho whisky. Every cent was made
out of the water, SIR"
A California girl has been discovered
with two mouths, one in each cheek.
This kind do wall -, hn To-
West where girls are scarce and it is
convenient to have those who can kiss
two fellows at once, but they would
never be popular in the East where
there arc not enough fellows to go
around.
Fogg-" There's that odious Mrs.
Fawnatail. How 1 do dislike that wo-
man!' Brown-'O, como now, you're
prcjudiccd. You're not acquainted with
her yet; you've only seen her two or
three times; you'll like her better after
you come to know her; she'll grow on
YOU. Fogg-''The deuce she will
Well, sir, hato parasites"
You want to know why it is called
the English sparrow, do you, EthelP
| We'll, dear, it is because it is very En-
glish in its ways. Making more noise
than any other bird of its size, quarrel
ing all the time that it is not eating,
and seeming to think that this great
universe was created for its especial
benefit. That is why it is called tho
English sparrow, Ethel. boston Post.
Almost from the time man is born
he is anxious to see his name in tho
newspaper. A little fellow of some
six years came in to his mother the
other day and said with good deal of
excitement: 'Tm going to havo my
name put in the Palmer JournaL I've
licked two fellows, and want
my namc put in the paper" And he
proceeded at once to writo note to
the editor.
wcll-known physician of this city
claims to havo caught two and one
fourth pound trout the other day, and
now We learn that the same day
small boy seining for minnows in Hale's
brook nctted Il similar fish. 1t is o
strange coincidence, surely, and If wo
did not havo the utmost confidence in
the boy wo should think the doctor
had been fishing with silver hook
harrington Free Press.
Shakspoarean chestnut: "You do not
love mo any more, John. When We
wcro first married you did mot dash
away in such hurry after supper and
you never forgot to kiss mef' 80,
we'll, child, don't fret. I'm as fond of
| kissing you as ever, but I'm in big
ger hurry. Pm only like Brutus.77'
What do you mcanp" "Why, YOU
know that it was not that he loved c
seizo 'or less, but ho loved t. roam
| more"
Englishman-"I, aw, see, aw, that
the divine Navy Anderson is to reside
in England permanently dontcher
know?' American-"So havo heard"
"Could't leave dcah old England, >ye-.
know, after sho got acquain ted, 20
Know "Oh, that was not it," .iIt
was notP' ooh, no: she has deter
mined never to marry, and wants to
keep out of temptation; that's all. ~
Phtladelphia Call.
at IS my unalterablc decision,
Clara" he said firmly: Il cannot walk
on tho avenue with you if that poodle
is to accompany us. You must CHOOSE
between him and mo. It rests with
you, Clara, if our engagement shall be
broken OFF," "Oh, George" the girl
replied, and her face assumed an ashon
hue; "this is all so sudden. You must
| give me timo to think it over. Ono
week, George, and you shall have your
| uHS WCT. -.
A 1O-ycar-old Rochester boy on tho
cars coming to Troy, the other day, be.
came hungry about Ii o'clock, and be.
gan an attack upon the bountiful lunch
that had been prepared for him. A
gentleman who sat behind him was
moved to remark: "My boy, if YOU eat
much now you won't have any appetite
for your dinner" TO which the smart
little fellow replied; "Well, guess if I
haven't any appetite L shan want any
dinner" The gentleman had no moro
to say. y.-1roy Times.
Dr. John G. Spencel, of New York.
who was arrested for shooting three
pct cats belonging to neighbor that
kept his invalid wife awake and other.
wise disturbed her by their nocturnal
Gatorwaulings, has becn acquitted,
This is as it should be. A man who
nnf I. ~