Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1885-08-28
Our California Letter.

Editor Sentinel There are number of
newspaper men on this coast who are per-
petually harping on the GLORIOUS climate
OF California" They even 60 so far as TO
say that, in consequence of the extreme
dryness of the atmosphere OF the Sacra-
mento valley, a man never gets hot. Well,
1t is not the part of gentleman to pro-
nounce each and every one of the said rep
resentatives of the press liars. No, have
too much respect for the editorial fraternity
to do that; but l do say that if l was
matched against any one of those editors in
lying wouldn't take bet that he could
Guido me, even il the odds were fifty to one
against me. No, sir, wouldn't.
Not hot here, where the apples are roast
ed on the trees, where the grapes hanging
on the vines are converted into raisins in
single day, and where the bark on the trees
is cracked and shrivelcd as from the breath
of forest fire? Not hot? Why the heat
is so intense that Californians have for the
time being ceased cursing their neighbors,
and their profanity is directed especially
against the weather.
Why the heat is so intense that Clashen-
thunder, the champion swearer on this coast,
Joined the salvation army and refrained
from using his choicest oaths for two whole
weeks. He would probably have held out
longer had not Sister Tabitha Longtongue
remarked that Brother Clashenthunder has
no more religion than Californy hog that
never seen a ear of corn" Then all of
Clashenthunder's damned and pent up pro-
family broke loose 1t was so intensely ter
rifle that three of his front teeth We're
knocked out and the roof of his mouth was
blown entirely away. He followed up the
ancestral line of Sister Tabitha until it
reached her progenitor, Abraham, where he
took resting spell. In his minute descrip-
ton of her family he distinctly marked ont
sixteen of her relations who learned useful
trades under the teaching of the State gov
ernment; twenty-six more of them had en-
gage in the occupation of pulling hemp.
Shortly after that the salvationists had a
picnic at Yosemite. Sister Tabitha fol-
lowed her command in its march through
Yosemite, but she was still suffering from
the effects of that terrible thunder-stroke
against her character, and she struggled as
the command passed Death Canyon. The
sun shone very hot there though the air was
extremely dry. Sister Tabitha took u seat
ON 10y To muse upon the uncertainty of
all earthly glory and the unrellablity of the
warmest friends in the hour of trial and
tribulation. Under the intense reflected
Hctt vi IHc sun INC lovely human uOWeT
wilted. And what was left To mark the
spot where the earnest and devoted Sister
Tabitha persisted A drop of rose water
Nay, nay But IL band Of Digger Indians
having passed that way few days alter
ward scooped up grease enough that had
been rendered from the carcass of the once
lovely Tabtha to season their grasshopper
meal for the next six months, with plenty
to spare their less fortunate neighbOrs.
And yet, in spite of such incontrovertible
facts, with the thermometer registering 1870
degrees in the shade not six feet from me,
am forced 10 the unpleasant task of correct
ing the statement Of those ialsifiers that the
heat is never oppressive here.
believe in the freedom of the press, am
opposed to Russian oppression and all that
sort of thing. | believe that the newspapers
ought TO be allowed to show up the domes-
tic life of the people, from the President
down; but the press that would allow the
greatest freedom is that which would press
those editors into the service oi the Russian
navy, or some other service, by which their
lying tongues would cease to way forever.
Colusl, Aug. 10, 1895. Y.