Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1885-06-30
STORIES ABOUT WOMEN.
How Lord Randolph Churchill Made Cad
Apologize to His wife.

How Lord Randolph Churchill Made n Cad
Apologize to His Wife.
From the New York Times.
Lord Randolph Churchill, so conspicuous
just now in the affairs of the English govern
ment, recalls good story to be heard at New
York clubs. Lady Churchill, who was one
of the brightest girls ever reared in New
York, was one of the attractive features
at recent charity ball in London.
Her husband, hot-headed but generous,
was one of the fashionable throng. While
Lady Churchill was executing some bril-
liant dash on the piano keys tall young
fellow, with bangs, eyeglass, and all the
rest of dudedoms paraphernalia, stood near
Lord Churchill In feminine lisp the tall
young man remarked for his lordships ears:
"Deuced fine music, you know but 1t lacks
the veal soul, it lacks the veal soul"
Churchill gave him half contemptuous
glance The tall young man still dispensed
his lisp. He had nothing original to say, but
his criticisms made up for what they lacked
in that direction by silly personality, He
was in delightful ignorance of the identity of
his listener, and seemed amazed by the spirit
of a low phrase that finally flew into his ears
sounding very like this "For a shilling
md Se TseP spo the lite sooSnr Gnt of y9T here %
wounded feelings como to the tall
young man on the following day, when a
card unexpectedly invited him TO the
Churchill drawing room. He wasn't long in
responding. Neither was he long in depart.
ing. He got no further than the hall.
burly young man met him there 1t was
the same gentleman whom he had favored
with his lspings last night-Lord Randolph
Churchill. Then out floated Lady Churchill"
" This fellows come to apologize to you"
Thus the lord to the lady, "Down on your
knees" Thus the lord to the caller. And
down on the rugs fell the perfumed creature
He was very abiect. He even consented to
be kicked. / haven't much pride in chroni-
cling the fact that this youth is New
Yorker
His Poor Wife Died.
From the Boston Record.
Gov. CASTOR had occasion to send a dun
ming note to a client whose account was
long past due. After few days the man
came in.
Well, how are you getting along ?" said
the governor, cheerly.
"Ah, I'm in deep trouble can't seem to
be able to hold up or get started since my
poor wife died"
Your wife dead Sorry to hear it sorry
to hear it,"
Yes, she's gone.''
The governor, who is very oft-hearted
man, was so touched by the mans evident
aiilicton that he hadn't the heart to ask him
for the money, and sent him away.
A few days afterward he met friend who
knew his afflicted client and remarked TO
him that the man seemed to take his wife's
"Take it hard ?' laughed the other; "why,
she's been dead five years, and he married
again the other day."
He Told Her So.
From the Boston Commonwealth.
On the rear seat OF fremont street car
were two gentlemen, indulging in that vice
only allowed on the three rear seats. They
were strangers to each other. However, they
exchanged few commonplace remarks
about the variable New England weather,
and, finally, the younger man, spying
female down on the front seat wear ing "a
ridiculous old trap OF bonnet" which was,
in fact, the latest love of feminine headgear,
loosely gave expression to his thoughts, and
closed by inquiring of his neighbor If he
didn't think the bonnet "most ripe enough
to shoot" 'Yes. ! do%' said the elder man
emphatically. "Now that's my wife," he
added, by way of explanation, ''and told her
when she brought the thing home that some
fool would make fun of it before she'd worn
1t twenty minutes"
She Held Her Ground.
From the Chicago Tribune.
At provincial theatre shortly after the
Glasgow calamity, just before the perfor-
nance began, fine-looking woman forced
herself past the tcket-taker and planted her.
self firmly in an unoccuped STALL Presently
the manager appeared and politely requested
the lady TO vacate She declined.
"You cannot be allowed to remain in ma
dame"
"I will"
.If you do not leave must have you re-
moved" urged the manager.
"Touch me if you dare"' challenged the
woman, glaring. "Lay finger on me and
III halloo 'Firep"
The manager looked around at the packed
house and the woman remained.
He Wanted Thunder Rod.
From the New York Times.
"You see," said the farmer to the lightning
rnl nj pIt liuhtpp' that Pm afraid
Of it's thunder. Thunder alters paralyzes
me- don't want no lightnin' rods"
'Well," admitted the agent. ~ think my
self that thunder is the more dangerous Of
the two. What you want is thunder rods"
''Iave you got thunder rods?'
''Oh, yes; the brasstipped rods are for
lightning, and the nickletipped for thunder;
but the latter cost little more"
~ guess you can put up a few OF them
thunder rods" said the farmer. 81 don't
mind payin little extry SO long as l feel
safe"
Hunts kidney and Liverl Remedy is excel