The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1885-01-23
TOO CLEVER BY HALE.

NV SLC v EN- ID EhALEs
am very quiet, retiring gentle.
man, dabbling In literature. Short es.
says, love poems, and such-like articles
emanate from my pen, without, how.
ever, making my name famous.
Now, although I have stated myself
to be retiring, yet, at one time, / was
very ambitious.
Iwrote play in fifty-two acts, each
to occupy a week In playing, so that q
whole year would necessarily be occu.
pied In producing 1t, and, what's more,
meant to perform In 1t myself.
found the best way TO get II talked
about was to attend regularly from
twelve till three at certain bar, cen.
trail to West-end theatres, and there listen
to ear-wigging actors, discuss my ire.
mendous effort, which was to bring me
both fortune and fame.
had a pretty fair stock of coin at
the time. but it was marvellous how II
dwindled away at the bar.
was constantly standing treat to
actors and others, until the barmaids
beautiful creatures, with such be-
witching smiles, and hair of different
shades Il mean that each angel went
in for one particular shade, of course)
began to understand what was want
ed, whenever / made my appearance,
by placing some brandies, one Irish,
ditto Scotch cold, pint of stout, anoth-
err of mild and Burton, two lemonades,
and dozen fourpenny cigars, upon the
counter, without even waiting for my
order.
Equally, as q matter of course, my
forefinger and thumb were placed In
my right waistcoat pocket, and a real
half-sovereign (none of your tokens)
taken out and placed beside the drinks,
which, together with the money, disap-
peared in marvellous way
1t seemed to be settled thing that
no one was to ask me to have refresh
ment. At all events, nobody did, which
I thought wonderful, but others didn't.
Perhaps it was owing to their innate
sense Of modesty that they forbore
treating me.
A person of my intellectual calibre
was not on the same platform as 9TH
ers. -.
I stood alone as far as standing
drinks, ETC., was concerned, but had
plenty of companions when l entered
that particular bar, choice gardenia
in my buttonhole, well-brushed Paris
hat, clothes of unexceptionable cut.
lavender kid gloves, spotless linen, o
heavy albert, and chronometer at
tached to it.
GOOD morning, SIR" used to come
from quite chorus of voices, and hats
were slightly raised in my honor.
Of course, ! smiled graciously in re.
turn, and stroked my auburn NOUS
tache excessively and complscently. A
cynical wretch once called the color
carrots, at that particular bar, because
I had refused to part with ''sov.."
and also, as a matter OF course. paid for
the usual drinks.
A few, might say three. of the ho6-
itles of the bar Cat least, they were all
there whenever I put in an appearance)
addressed me by my surname-Nog-
gles--and usually shook hands with
me. They all admired my description
of the famous drama; said 1t would DO
sure to make hit. and send rival man
ayers mad. especially those OF them
that had not been so fortunate as to Sc
cure 1t first.
But, up to the present, no one had
made a bid for it, or for my services,
although had -onsa played In othciio
at ON amateur theatrical performance
in aid of the Fiji cannibals, TO whom
several missionaries were sent out In
consequence, and stayed there, en-
tombed in the stomachs of that inter-
esting race of beings,
"Noggles, dear boy!" said one Of my
intimates, who was regular walking
directory about things theatrical, "why
don't you get your drama licensed by
the Lord Observation-Disclosures will be
the first step towards success-mana-
gers will nibble at 1t thenl"
In q fve-pound note (only as loan, Of
course), to be religiously returned at
Doomsday suppose, for, from the hour
of parting, up to tia present, the mon
ey has not been returned.
acted OH his advice. and, packing
up the MSS. and sketches of the seem
cry In very roomy portmanteau,
chartered hanson, when Noggles and
his fortunes were conveyed to the au-
gust Chamberlain Office.
fancied noticed look of dismay
on the readers face when kept diving
into the portmanteau as II / were Dip
ping into lucky bag, bringing up sew
eral acts at a dive, all neatly tied with
green silk cord.
"Is that ALP" he asked, blandly, with
Just tinge of satire in his tone. as /
gently wiped my brow with brand
new silk handkerchief.
"Yes!" ! replied, with sigh, regret
ting OF the moment that had not car
ried out my original intention of ex-
tending the play to two years. as they
do In China and Japan.
''Will you kindly oblige me with o
list of the titlesp" he asked, peculiar
smile playing about the corners OF his
mouth. which, must confess, sayored
Of chaff to me.
However, the arbiter of my dramatic
future was too mighty parsonage for
me to show my resentment to, although
time might come when he would be
obsequious to me.
The MSS. you see before you, sir,
all belongs to single drama" re-
marked, drawing myself up proudly.
Nothing like 1t has ever come before
you. trow. !"
How many acts are therep" he ask
cd.
"Fifty-two, each act to last the entire
week. .
you'll have to pay full license for
each aet," he remarks, with ferocious
grin, as ! thought. "the sum Of one
hundred and four pounds In all.
WHAT" exclaimed Indignantly.
"All that money for reading and II
censing a dramap Preposterous"
Drawing himself up magisterially.
he said severely, AZ he glanced at my
card:
..Mr. Noggles, do you suppose that
the valuable time OF her Majesty's SER