The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-01-22
WIT AND HUMOR.
The Jersey farmer felt the shake
On Sundays sudden fierce earthquake,
And shivered, as if racked with pain;
He looked around in mortal dread,
And, seeing nothing, shook his head,
But feebly smiling, simply said:
al I.1rf not the hiaSfnd .shnknS' A0ain ~

But feebly smiling, simply said:
1--WE got the blasted shakes again
New York Journal
DIR. Paxton, of New York, says that
the Scotch are the only people who
have succeeded in solving the difficult
problem of combining punch with
Oiety.
The latest freak in ladies' head-gear
is called the ''pen-wiper bonnet 1t
has hugs rosette, Stimulating PEN
wiper, on top. Must be very handy for
reporters in public gatherings. gs.-Bar-
iiEGton Free Press.
Twenty-Five years ago there were ill
ty cats where there is only one to-day.
SAYS 4 statistician. and the Philadel-
phia Gail adds that twenty-five Years
ago there was one set OF furS where
there are fifty to-day.
At bay: He--''Iiow snuhby you are
with these Young men. That last one
is quite broken up" She twho lives
in a collegiate town)-''l really cannot
help It: | am so tired o: educating 9TH
er peoples children. ''-iya.
A mendicant approached Nes,ches-
ter man on the ars, the other day, and
said: ''Dear sir. have lost my Ie: ," 10
which the Westchester man replied. ~
he hurried away: ''My dear .rirnd. |
have not seen anything OF it. = Vest
chester i40cu! .NelcS.
lis yonr overcaat at home?" asked
a merchant OF his clerk. who came
shivering into his Office. No. sir, he
cheerfully repl ed; but nv ul ter is at
my uncle 5. As neitherof them knew
wha, the other thought, the business OF
the day proceeded as usual.
A lawyer in one of the courts lately
threw an inkstand at anOther's head.
The court required him TO apologize
tor it. He did so. and added, while l
am about it | may as well apologize be-
forehand for throwing anotherinkstand
at him the first chance | get.
What is the difference between the
man who is ''transfxrd with horror"
and leopard's tail? Answer: One is
''rooted to the spot and the other is
spotted to the root. CP. S.-lf the
leopard's tail is not spotted to the root.
this conundrum is declared OFF. Nor
Tistoaom Herald.
The ell-grounded belief that money
is all-powerful has sustained Il severe
blow. A theatrical company is travel
ing over the State with play called
Power of Money" and it doesn't pos-
sess sufficient power to draw house
big enough to pIy their hotel bills
Noraistoaon Herald.
Her Dying Request-Lily is very i'll
dangerously ILL., Her mamma is very
anxious about her. Say, mamma, am
[ going to die?" asked the little pa
tient ''Hush, child; you surely don't
fn hIa
hearth" mo, ma dear; only, if di >,
Iwant you to put all my dolls INTO
mourning -Zondagsdlnd,
Parson Whang.ioodle Baxter distin-
gu.shed himscl once more at the fu-
neral of an aged coiored man: ''Our
diseased brudder was married foah
times during his life, sad Whangdoo-
die; ..but only one oh de widows am so
fortunate as 10 be able to survive him
long enough to be present on dis heah
solemnious occashun. .'-1'eras SJtings.
An Inspector, who had been explain
ing to class that the land of the
world was not continuous. said to the
bov who happened 10 be standing near
est to him: Now, could Your Iather
walk round the world2' No. sir.'
was promptly answered. ''Why not?"
because he dead, was the altogeth-
er unlocked for responsible tie Ycar'
ROu1ld.
A man went fishing in the Minnesota
River recently, and hooked large
wall-eyed pike. He began to play him,
when the fish. running under the boat,
capsized it, got in himself and. putting
on the mans overcOat. started for New
Orleans. This shows the danger OF go
ing fishing in state where the whisky
is strongerts.ha the Neracty OF the in
habitants. E,riington Free Press
He had just had his hair cut and re-
turned nome. HUM he says, after
examining him elf in the glass critical
ly, Il gdess shall have to go back TO
the BARRIERS shop again. This'lI never
do" What's the matter?' says his
wife; ''las he cut your hair too long?'
mo. confound him: he's gone and cut
it too short. I'll make him cut il over
again. '-Frcnch Paper.
There are Il number of very eligible
young men of Pembina County. Dako-
ia. bur no young women. Although it
is not spring, the young mems fancy
lightly turns to thoughts of love, and.
pooling their issues. they have deputed
one of their number TO go to- Boston
and secure wives for the rest 1t is
commendable for the young men to take
unto themselves wives, but why 90 to
Boston2
The Iartary Young man who breaks
his engagement with his girl does 81 at
his peril, for then lie has Ia eng &c
himself to the ne It older sister. Ii any
thing happens to her he has to take the
next one, and 50 on down. The family
that matrimonially catches Tartar
doesn't let go its grip until grim death
has been very busy, for Tartar families
are always blessed with large be.y of
girl. Waterbury american
A Texas cattleman married refined
young lady belonging to the best soc t.
ty OF Dalla'. A friend meeting him
shortly after his marriage congratulate
ed him on his happy fortune. Its all
right, but had to make sacrifices.
repl ed the newly-made husband, shak-
ing his head. What sacrifces?"
I've had to give up going to bed with
my boots and spurs on when | come
home tired. ."--Terds Sittings
At sewing circle all the women
were talking, and some of the subjects
got hopelessIy confused. For instance,
the subject of crickets and church
choirs, II never heard such a horrid
noise as they made last Sunday" said
one woman, referring to the choir.
Nor either" said another, thinking
she rtferrd d to the Fall crlckets. They
say they make that noise with their
hind legs. Clereland Leader.
Col. Elliot, who is the Texas Commits
sioner at the New Orleans Exposition,
has got himself into trouble. A Dallas
youth, who imagines that he is an art
ist, brought him beautiful landscape
he had painted, and told him he want
ed it exhibited at New Orleans. Ger
tainly, sir; certainly replied Col.
Elliot. ''But want card put on it
stating that it is not for sale Il don't
think that there is the slightest necessi-
ty for that" remarked Commissioner
Elliot, taking another glance at the
work of art.-Teras Sytings.
The rOetical market-Ue came into