Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1885-01-23
WIT AND HuafoR.

place "Hog Eyetems.
s.Wil you help me press some
leaves?" the maiden asked her lover.
eff You win fasten them in your waist
belt I'll see what can do, he answer
ed And thus popular method of
pressing autumn leaves was invented.
A gentleman of town education.
whose main study Of nature has been
on the stage of the theater, drove out
to the park the other day, and stood on
one OF the nights surveying the scene
'.By Joye, isn't it pretty7 It's about
as good as The Black Crookr San
francisco Chronicie.
Young wife:-I am determined 10
learn at what hour my husband comes
home at night; yet, do what win,
cannot keep awake, and he is always
careful not to make particle of noise.
Is there any drug that produces wake
fulneSsP Old wife:-No need to buy
drugs. Sprinkle the floor with tacks
Mistress Ito servant who has spilled
the contents of her ink bottle on the
carpet Mercy, Maryi what have you
donea You've done pretty piece Of
work, haven't you? Mary-Ye may
well say that, Missus Brown, for didn't
pay twinty- -foive cents for the same
ink this afternoon. 7rasss-
cript
'.Janey,p of the Second Ward, asks:
''Why does my lover always kiss me
with one side of his ln0uthr' 1--WE
don't know much about this Kind Of
business, Janey. Maybe he uses the
other side of his mouth for the other
girl. There is nothing like keeping
a good edge or and having things
even.
81 have read every book in my hus-
bands library. really don't know
what to do for something to read.
said a newly-married woman to
friend. '.Why don't you get another
husbands" was the reply of the other
party, who had some experience. The
above is said to have occurred in
Boston.
The acquaintance of the female mind
with the mysteries of commerce and
finance is extensive and paralyzing
''Why," said well-to-do young
woman, who had just received dry
goods bill, "why do they keep on send
ing me thise know well enough !
got the things last summer. so what's
the use reminding nae of itP''
Actress (to washerwoman who has
brought her bilD How can you be so
inlpertinent as to dun me in this wayeh'
Washerwoman-.'Impertinent? What
do you meanP Who are you. should
like to knowP If choose to pay six-
pence for a gallery ticket. you have got
to faint on the stage for my amuse-
ment -Kolnisehe Roltszeitxng.
Religious young man to skepticaI
young lady-"You know, Miss Honey,
in the Bible it is stated that even the
hairs of our head are all numbered. y
Skeptical young lady to religious young
maxwell. Mr.. Bunble, suppose
that means the hairs also Of a young
mans mustache. doesn't ita'' giving
him wicked and sarcastic glance.
THAT young Mr.. Smith is an awful
fool. Do you know what he did when
we were on the boatPn mo, what did
he dopn "He obtained a whisk-broom
and attempted to brush the whitewash,
as he called it, off my back. y Nothing
very foolish about that. Not If it had
been whitewash, but you see it was
nothing but my corsets showing through
my jersey"
A paper in the far West was do
scribing serious accident and neatly
ended up its graphic story as follows:
ss0ur rising young townsman, Doc
Hinton, who was laying out the new
graveyard at the time, was hastily
summoned to the scene Of the unfor-
tunate accident, and under his skiliful
treatment poor Billy died peacefully
two hours afterwards.
A Californian in England recsntly
got into trouble with his private cable
code. The word chosen for .sYour
goods will be shipped" was .sexplode."
One day he telegraphed homo, ..Ex.
plode Immediately, - and the Scotland
Yard officials nabbed him before the
dispatch reached home. Code changed
since, and the Californian doesn't Ike
to hear it. t.-PFovidetce Netcs.
A farmer was saving wood when Il
occurred to him that he ought TO have
the help of one or more of his fine boys.
Lifting up his voice he called, but not
a boy appeared At dinner, Of COURSE
all appeared, and it was not necessary
to call them. "Where were you about
two hours ago, when / wanted you and
shouted for youa'' 81 was in the shop
settin' the saw" said one. 81 was In
grandmafs room settin' the clock.
said the second. al was in the barn
settin' hen,' said the third II was
in the garret settin' the trap" said the
fourth. ssYou are remarkable set.
remarked the farmer. ssAnd where
were youp'' he continued, turning to the
Youngest. s1 wes on the doorstep set
tin still Providence NelCs.
A Dakota Blow-eBlowl It'll blow
a horse right out of the harness, and
snake cutter over the prairie at the
rate of a mile a minute. And then
you've got to be mighty careful to keep
your hat on, or It'll blow you bald
headed in less than no time. Beats Q
Sioux Indian on tne warpath for rails
in hair That's the reason there are
SO many baId-headed men In Dakotas
that, an lyin' bout the country. An.
by gosh, it'll blow your clothes right
off O. you, too, an then you're deadef
than an icicle. You have TO strap EN-
on. Nobody goes out doors in Dakota
without some straps In his pockefz
Then you'll think it's gettin' cold, but
you won't know how cold it Is TIL you
pull out your whisky-bottle an fnd u
froze solid, specially if it's Dakots
whisky Beats all how little cold
Dakota liquor can stard.--Ss faHs
Day.
It is said that the latest wrinkle 1n
Spain is to have women bull-fghters.
instead of men. It must be noble
sight to see one of those dark-eyed
females in the ring facing mad bull
but how different would be the scene Il
one of our American girls should
attempt it. The sight would bring
tears to eyes that never wept before. Il
any one has ever seen an American
girl climb rail fence at sight Of COW
IN an adjoining field they can form
s<,axa sdaa ,f what ehe would do If