Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-13
Fun Ina Stage COach.

Wyoming Kit, correspondent of the
Detroit Free Press has had some varied
experiences while travelling in the fal
West. Respecting stage coach Incl
dent, he says:
Just upon the outskirts we come to o
halt, and moment later tall, angular,
sour-visage woman came prancing up tc
the door. Craning her neck so size
could look into the coach, and said, in q
voice that an asthmatic sand-hill crane
might well envy: "Slide along you
fellers Slide along, AN make room fol
your Aunt Snort. Driver, take this 'Yai
box up with you, an be keerful of it,
II you break dish O. the lot in Il. Al
you'll find your neck in the same con.
dition in second arter l find it out !"
We "slid along and made room FOL
the queer female, who scrambled in and
took seat beside Forbes. Again we
started, and wishing to appear socible
to our new companion, asked
"Going somewhere madam"
She shot glance at me that chilled
me from head to foot, and in that same
crane-like voice, replied:
"Course 1 be. Doesn't look like
war standin' still, do it? I'm goin
down to Spanish Fork to see my dartel
Amandy, her as went in third to Bishop
Sparks at the last conference. Amandy
has been a ailin' an I'm a goin' down to
nuss her fer few days. Whs be you p
am a journalist, madam hum
BILE soldier In the great field of American
journalism"
"You be, Ell ? Whar' do you live ?"
"At no particular point, madam. To
day am here tomorrow there. My
notebook to-day may receive jottings
from which l will tell the world of this
beautiful valley, and my next letter may
be penned away up amid the everlasting
SHOWS of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
Yes, madam am wanderering scribe.
Wal, that's all Dutch to me. Yer
good on slingin' palaver, anyhow.
don't know wat journalism air, but
reckon it's something folks had orter be
in jail fer, an warn you now, young
man, that if You try any O yer games ON
old Aunt Snort, you'll git pulvcrized so
fine that yer own mother couldn't tell
yer from worn-out dishcloth. Just
keep yer distance, or you'll think the
devils turned tornado loose on you !"
had no very craving desire to pursue
the conversation, and so allowed it to
drop. Forbes and Lane were convulsed
with suppressed laughter, but I was
obliged to sit there.
Presently we struck o rocky stretch,
and then the fun began. The driver
appeared to be anxious to get to some
place in given time, and did not slacken
his speed, and soon the old coach began
to rock and tumble about in the widest
manner. We held on to the handstraps
like grim death. All at once the for.
ward wheels of the coach struck ditch
and went flying across the middle seal
with cry of murder !" and landed
right on the old woman's lap, my arms
around her, while my nose plowedup hel
wrnkled cheek in the most affectionate
manner imaginable. AS / regained my
feet received bat over the head from
her parasol that drove my plug hat down
until 1t sat square on my shoulders, and,
the next instant, was shot back into my
seat by u kick in the abdomen that
doubled me up like carpenters rule.
As went back like O rocket the old
tiend shouted:
"Take that, you dod-dratted william,
tryin' to hug decent woman an the
mother O fourteen children. Thought
you war scoundrel the mint sot eyes
on You, you dirty, onprincipled burned
imitation of q man. I'll teach you to
kiss me I'll teach you TO hug me till
every bone i'll my body crack. I'll Farm
you who to make yer advances to !" and
she favored me with another belt over
the head that drove my neck two inches
into my body.
Excuses were vain-the old heather
would not be convinced that did not
purposely throw myself into her skinny
arms While we were endeavoring to
pacf fly her the stage gave tremendous
lurch and hurled us all up into bunch
in one corner, the old woman underneath
yelling murder. Somehow she got her
teeth fastned in one of Lanes ears, and
he i0ined in the cry. The driver stop
ped the coach and sprang down from
his seat and began to pull us out, scat
tering us promiscuously around in the
dusty highway. As the old woman
came out she attacked us with rocks and
might have injured some one had not the
driver seized her arms from behind and
chucked her back into the coach. The
rest Of us climbed to the top and rode to
Provo, and never were weary travellers
more rejoiced OF the near end Of jour-
ncy than were we when we hove in sight
Of the town. Lanes ear was bleeding,
my nose was skinned by the brim of my
hat, as it went down over it, and Forbes
was bruised and sore all over. We al
lighted at the hotel amid renewed
shower of abuse from the old woman,
who told our landlord that we were a
lack of thieves and murderers, and thu.
the people ought to turn out and hang
us. The driver explained the matter 70
him and he soon made us as confer.
ialle as his limited facilities would
.llow.