The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-07-11
III .WD DROf y.

hepUDHcdH.
AN anxious inquirer asks: "Where
would you advise me to 90 to learn
how to play the piano?" To the
woods, dear; to the deep, dark, damp,
dangerous woods.-BoStOn Post.
SHE-It is really wonderful to see
how the men keep step. He-Bah,
that is nothing! When | was sol
dier | used to keepstep better than all
the rest put together.
GOLD dust has been found near
Phoebe, New, in the sediment OF washed
wool feeces Everybody is seekingfor
the spot where the sheep had been
rolling.-San Francisco Bulletin.
NOTHING bothers Il modest but hun
CRY old hen so much as when she has
made n hearty breakfast of an old
shoe-lace and finds the unfortunate
shoe at the end OF it.-E'aH River Ad-
vance.
Mrs. I.-"Louise, donnez-moi un
verre d'eau." Louise (the new
French maid, who receives higher
wages on account of her nationality
Faith, that must be Frinch she's IL
talkin'; I'm done fur, shoor.-Life.
IT is said that in recent fit of rage
Hannibal Hanllin threw half mince
pie at a man who was playing on a
bagpipe his diningroom window.
The man was no doubt the pied piper
! of Hamlin. Rats.-PittSburgC Chronicle.
A MEMBER OF the graduating class Of
Cornell University was graduated and
married on the same day, and at
| tended the class ball. turned into Il
| wedding reception through the energy
of his motherin-law in the evening.
A VERMONT constable who had been
selected as memorial day orator Is re-
| ported to have addressed his audience
! thus: Fellow-citizens, we are met
here today TO desecrate the graves OF
/ them air soldiers who died III defiance
OF their country, Forward, march! "
BROTHER EzEKIELs-"Helo Brudder
Thomas Hau't seen yo' fo' so long,
since you's been sphCed ter dat John
sing girl. WHARF yo' been keepin' yo'
self?" Brother Thomas-"Hain't
been keepin' mysel tai, Brudder
'Zekiel, Ise been hbbin' wild my fadder
in-law. ."-PhiladeIphia Gail.
A LADY full of apprehension, in Il
gale of wind, cried out, among other
pretty eyclamations, 1--WE shall go to
the bottom Mercy on us, how my
head swimsr" "Zounds, madam,
never fear" said one OF the sailors,
''you cannever go to the bottom while
your head swims."
II CONGRATULATE you" said q
Brooklyn benedict to a bachelor.
'.Upon what" "Your marriage"
''Who said SOP ''Why, heard you
were doubled up recently" 80 |
was; but a cucumber did it." oh"
''Zwei beer New York Morning
Journal
RAILROAD Don't you
think that rather eXorbltant, Mr..
Badger-S11 900 for the loss of your
wife and diamonds in the accident?
Mr.. Badger ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
tant? Well, Ishould say not. lvalue
the diamonds alone at $4,000.
If a man desires to express himself
logically, he must not allow himself to
get excited. as was the case with an
| Austin man, who was very much an
moved by frequent callers, and who
| finally exclaimed: "There is not q
minute in the day when | can have a
quiet half hour to myself. Texas
Siftings.
/ A COUNTRYNIAN with a jumping tooth
ache entered a Boston drug store.
! 1--WE have various remedies for that
! trouble" the druggist replied. I've
can give you anything you like slr."
! well, said the suffering countryman,
| Il guess you kin give me a small bottle
o. Boston faith cure. | hear it's
! knockin' the spots off everythln' p
| New York Times.
! YOUNG married couples off on their
wedding tour have in times past de-
vised good many able schemes to
| conceal from fellOw-travelers how re-
cent their happiness was, but none
| that we ever heard of equaled in in
ventive genius the young pair from
Somerville who borrowed a 3-year-old
| boy from a neighbor to take along
with them to avoid suspicion.-Somcr-
! vile Journal
| IwIsH to obtain the latest popular
song" said Boston maiden, entering
| a music store. 'FThere are several
new songs that are popular" said the
clerk. ''Do you know a line OF the song
you want, or can youglve me any idea
| of it's nature?" at has reference to
the hirsute appendages on the face OF
the Lunar orb" The clerk handed
her "Whiskers on the Moon" He was
a Bostonian, too.-BOstOn Courier.
"Two beers, two ginger aIes and a
glass of water" ordered one OF five
| friends. who dropped into German
restaurant at Steinway's on sunday.
The waiter seemed bewildered. 'Doo
beer, doc ginger, one" ''Wa ater,
water. glass OF water" "Wader? d"
eyes, water; plain water" 'He shook
his head incredulousiy and fetched two
beers, two ginger ales and Il rye-bread-
and-ham sandwich.-NcW York T'rjb-
Une.
s'YOU came in after me tonight, T"
said Mrs Eussanfeather to young
CrimsOnbeak, who was remarklng his
arrival that evening at the musicale.
cob. no. | didn't, Mrs. Fussanfeather, -
replied the young man, blushlng a
handsome turkey red. But, Mr..
Crimsonbeak, saw you" But, beg
pardon. madame, it was your daughter
I came after answered the innocent
|. boy, casting a sideglance in the di-
rection of Miss Fussanfeather' : bangs.
I-YOnkers sta atesnaH.
MOSES in the wilderness-The Sun
dav school lesson was about Moses
and the Israelites in the wilderness,
and the teacher was asking questions
of her scholars. "What did Moses
strike the rock for?" she inquired.
ssFor water" answered the class,
promptly. "Were the people glad?'
ayes. ma'am." 'And was Moses
blessed for what he had done?" ''No,
ma Jam" 'Why not?" This was a
poser for some time, but finally a
tough looking small boy held up bis
hand ''Well, Tommy, why not?''
asked the teacher. encouragingly.
Cos, mum, he didn't strike it for
beer." Merchant Traveller.