Connecticut western news., 1885-03-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

suffer for our past sins.
 PEOPLE who can'tbe witty should exert themselves to be pious or aIectionate. Our West it is proper to speak of a party as "a great occasion, !" but Chicago ladies look offended if you. say anything about "a big fete."
 PRESIDENT ARTHUR goes out of the White House with deep, dark secret in his bosom. No man knows who sews on his suspender buttons
 IF there is anything more to bo de. sired than gold, yea, than fine gold. tt is n child's shoe that can't be run down at the heel. Chicago Ledger.
 No matter how bad and destructive a boy may be he never becomes 30 degrad- cd or loses his self.respoct 80 greatly aa to throw mud on circus poster. , "THIs is a nice time to como homo, and nice state you're in," she said. "Nice time nice statel Thanks, loves. I thought you were going to scold me
 Tnrs is little Johnnio's mound,
 Sad are his loving mates
 He entered heaven upside down.
 Beware the roller skates.
 "AH you fiRtter me-" liuped dude to pretty girl with whom he was oon- versing. "No, don't," was tho reply; "you couldn't be any aatter than you are." .. Ir is one of tho nfllictions of author ship to know that the brains which should be used in understanding book are wasted in discussing the hearhesi misconceptions about it.
 APRoPos of jokes, we noticed that dur. ing the whole seven months of our stay in Germany we never heard one witt. cism or even one felicitous idea or ex- pression from German.
 THERE are said to be 3l7 women black smiths in England. We trust they arc more successful at shocing horses than are their American sisters at shooing hens.- ronkcrs Statoman. A NEW kind of paper has boon invent cd which blows up at the slightest touch. Editors will use it to print the papers on they send to delinquent sub scribors. The latter need a good blow. ing up.
 OBJECT strongly to myself aa a bum dle of unpleasant sensations with a pal- pitating heart and awkward manneru. Impossible Co imagine the large charity I have for people who deteat me. But don't you be one of them. THINK Ruslin has not been onoour. aged about women by his many and por- sistent attempts to teach them. He seems to have found them wanting In real scientific intorest-bent on senti- mentalizing in everything. ...
 Ir seems as if close view of almost every human lot would disclose some suffering that makes life . doubtful good-except, perhaps, at certain epoch' of fresh love, fresh creative activity on usual power of helping others.
 ONE must not be unreasonable about portraits. How can thing which is al ways the same be an adequate represon' tation of a living being who is alwayr varying-especially of living being whf is sensitive, bright, many-sidedf
 A GOOD many are making a great fuss because Editor Mclean has given hi' wife an ESQ., necklace, but they should remember that when an editoI makes a present he never thinks of buy ing anything less expensive. -Bostor Post.
 A MINISTER hearing a boy saying, Bother these mosquitoes r rcprovet him, saying that, like all other creatures, they were doubtless made for some good end. "They may be-" said the boy "but don't like the end that I feel, al any rate"
 "How dare you, sir, go about calling yourself my brother.in.lawr q didn't said l wasn't your brother-in.law o1. actly." "what do you mean, sirp Yor are not my brother.in-law nt all Yor never married my sister P "Noi but wanted to do so."
 RICHARD A. PRocroR says that thsr' are no less than 635, ,0l3, ,55 2, 600 ways 1T which a hand at whist can be made This shows how foolish it is for man'i wife to throw her cards at his head ana call him harsh names because h' doesn't happen to make ono play rightly.
 AN editor received the following; Dear Sir have looked carefully and patiently over your paper for months fol the death of some individual was 60 ouainted with, but as yet not singI' soul I care anything about has dropped oir You will please to have my nam' erased"
 Ex-SRNAroR BueKALEw, of Pennsyl vania, relates that he once hoard th' famous Governor Ritner calling over th' roll of prothonotaries by counties h alphabetical order. He had gon through the As and was among the B' when an impatient man from Ccntr county wanted Co know how long h would have to whit. "Zenter gounty 2 replied the governor; Ivy yay down ( de ent of de list, of gourse, init de gets, |
 A Mormon Story.