davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-03

PRINT unls manuscript sermon of the
Rev. John Wesley Baxter, my de-
ceased uncle, who was recently eaten
alive in one of the South Sea islands.
The sermon will fill up four or five
columns of the inside of your valuable
paper nicely. You can give me 100
copies, and I'll not make any charge
for the sermon. Next week help you
fill up with a biographical sketch of
myself"
Now is the time for the editor to act.
If he hesitates he is lost. If the would
be patron is a small man, perhaps the
best reply is to knock him down with
his uncle's sermon, and cavort about
on his PROSTATE body, after which
anoint the scoundrel by pouring the
contents of the ink bottle and paste
pot over his miserable head, and tele-
phone for policeman to drag him out.
That course may not make your paper
popular with the intruder, but it will
give it boom with the general public
who know him, and save YOU much
annoyance in the future.
If you do not desire to resort to such
extreme measures, owing to the size of
the would-be contributor, take the
manuscript, look it over, count the
pages and the number of lines on each
page, multiply them together. and
then multiply the product by twenty
five cents line. After you have done
that, add ten dollars for loss of time in
entertaining the tiend who wants to
fill up your inside with manuscript SER
mons, and tell him that you will pub
lish his effort when the cash is forth
coming, ard not previously.
The young editor who does not
adopt one of these courses is lost If
he tells the would-be patron that he
| will publish it, at some future day, the
bore will do as the patient boy did,
who was sent to borrow some clabber
from a neighbor, and was told that the
milk had not soured yet. The boy
took a seat complacently, and re-
piled: 'Then I'll wait till it sours."
Never make an excuse that the con-
tribution is too long to appear in your
paper, for if you do, he will sit down,
borrow your scissors and pencil, and
cut it down to suit, or rather not to
suit you. The only way to prevent
your paper from becoming debilitat-
ed orphan asylum for the feeble, Grip
pied, and insane literary offspring OF
every scfibbler in the country, is to
adopt at the beginning one of the
methods we have suggested. The sue
cess of a newspaper depends as much
on what is kept out of its columns, as
on what appears in it.-Aler. E. Sweet,
IN ArkanSal0 IraUeLer.
Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-03

Preville occupied about the same po-
sition in public estimation in Franc
that David Garrick did in England,
but in no respect was he to be compar-
ed with the brilliant and versatile En-
glishman. When Garrick was in Paris,
Previllc on one occasion invited him to
his villa. Garrick just then happened
to be in gay and funny humor, and
suggested to his friend that they take
one of the regular Versailles coaches,
the villa in question lying in that di-
rection.
The twain speedily found an empty
coach and got in, upon which Preville
ordered the coachman to drive on. The
latter answered that he would do so as
soon as he should have got his compile
ment of four passengers. He could not
afford to drive that distance for half
fare only.
A freak seized Garrick. Simply
changing the position of his hat, and
putting on the face of Ben Israel, he
slipped out of the coach on the far side,
and came round again as though he
had just come up.
"Ho! Versailles?"
Eyes, sir. Get in. "
Garrick got in, and Immediately got
out again as before. This time he SIM
ply threw his hat back, exposing his
whole face, his only disguise being the
facial contortion.
Even Preville was himself this time
deceived. AS Garrick was about to en-
ter, having this time addressed the
coachman in the idiom of Bohemia,
Preville put out his hand to keep him
back, at the same time exclaiming:
mo, no; my friends are away for a
moment, but are
He had got thus far when Garrick's s
face changed into a smile. An ex-
clamation of surprise burst from Pre-
ville's lips as his friend passed through;
but as the latter was again in the act
of leaving the coach Preville whispered
to him?
"No, no; we are full. We have the
four"
"Let in no MORE" returned Garrick,
as he again passed out
Directly afterward, while the driver
was gathering up his reins for start,
little hunchbacked Dutchman came
putting up, wishing to go to Versailles.
Cant take you-all FULL" was the
coachman's answer.
"Never mind, let him come!' cried
Preville. "We'll make room for him
there! Now, away you 60, and pull
up at my villa, mind"
At Preville's residence the coach was
stopped, and the two actors got out,
wondering what the poor driver would
say when he reached the end of his
journey and found that his other two
fares had vanished.
A few nights afterward, as Garrick
came upon the stage in one of his IA
vorite characters, voice was heard in
the pit-a voice as of one upon whom
great light had suddenly burst:
"Ah, my third passenger! Ohio!
Aham
1t was that of the Versailles coach
man.
Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-03

There are many novel ways of max
ing dime, but the last just inaugural
ed by the Mexican boys of Yuma caps
the climax. 1t is the selling of smoke
in old tin cans from the burning of a
weed called ''hediondia." They 90
from house to house and offer to fur
nish enough smoke to drive the mos
quitos away for the small sum of 10
cents.-San Francisco Alta.
Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-03

Don M. Dickinson, the Michigan
Democratic "boss, is man of medium
height. His face is sharp and angular.
A prominent nose, thin lips, and Slight
ly protruding chin denote determina-
tion. His eye by turns is mild and full
of fire. He takes his man in at glance.
He seems continually to be in a hurry.
Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-09-03

A fashionable young lady was seen
backing her brothers boots the other
morning, and the next day she helped
to do the family washing. 1t is thought
she is fitting herself to become the Wife
OF an Italian Count.-Puck.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
from what . beauty! Il il really
for mo I Oh. how can I thank you

from What . beauty 10 Il really
for mo I Oh. how can l thank you
enought 2 IS
'One question At . time, my dear |;
but 1 will answer your Last one FIRST.
You have no right to thank me for
this beautiful ptesent 'Here 10 the
giver. said Henry. going up 10 bic
mother, who was quiet spectator Of
my pleasure. and putting his arm a.
bout her.
Motheri Is it possible, Oh. you
darling How can / ever thank your
And too threw my arms around Mrs.
Grey and gave her a rapturous hug.
am quite surrounded, she said,
smiling. 4 am glad you like your
piano. Mary. and you shall repay
me by getting alp the snioyment you
can from t. $3.50 ss..Nz 81 :.
1t is sDrething have wanted over
since We were married. ] said.
And now you have your hearts de-
sire said my husband, 'but at tue cost
of little duplicity. 1 am afraid. Do
you remember one night, about two
weeks ago, when you found the psrlor
door lockedr'
Yes,
well mother and were holding a
consultation. You came to the door;
and sent you after my cigar case to
give her time to run away. / came
very near telling fib.'
Yes said his mother, such planning
and plotting as we have had. The 9th.
er day, when the man came to make
the final arrangements about bringing
the piano, you wore down town, and |
was SO afraid that you would return
and fiad him hero. 1t was put up while
you were out driving, for knew Henry
would NOT bring you homo too SOON
lett sick and faint. This then was
| the secret which had tormented me 80
the innocent plotting OF loving friends.
| What monster was TO have suspect.
ed this noble womanl Ifelt like kneel.
ing in the d1st before her. ~
How white you arc child!-The ex.
element has been too much for you!'
said Mrs. Gray.
But knew better. Still I kert my
secret Not for worlds would l let this
gentle woman know I'd been tempted
TO doubt her.
And now this is the real reason why !
have gradually dropped Miss Nj inns nc.
quaintance, and why that worthy spins.
lei often complains Of how .uppish'
some folks have gtown, but | am only
too glad 10 be out OF reach of her
tongue; and in the absence of my hus-
oand, fad my greatest comfort in the
society Of my lnolher.in.law.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
THEO. Il. ALLEN,
with John Wan n N, a l<er.
Chestnut q 18th Streets,
r. II L L a ID IC L xIIA

D'ess Goods, Boots and Shoes,
,aHck q COlored Silks, Trunks and Valises,
Slo'hs Casimeres, China IL Glassware,
linen House Furn- Silverware b Jegejry
81, sh'ng Goods, CLOTHING for Men,
a." .''e Goods Laces, Youths h Boys,
r'' Apd Gaps, Clothing made to order
''"n'.s and Nuslin5, Carpets, Mauings, Il C.
continues to make a speciality of purchasing
goods Of every description for those who see f /
~ 'hvor him with their orders The announce
= .'' That no has still connection with this
np"ned establishment is sufficient guara utee
,usAt prices aud qualities are just right. SAM
Ito "ni PRICES cheerfUlly furnished. Spe-
CIV attention given to CLOTHING
fesiy made and to ORDER.
"AhAing ny former patrons OF West Virs
s'u" Tor their past fsvors, woaid solicit
a" oon'in"ance thereof with the assurance OF
'ues' ehdes vor to give satisfaction. All COM
N"n'cSlions addressed M above will receive IN
personal attention Address
THEO. i. ALLEN,
with John Wanamaker
Chestnut x 18th Streets.
hugust Is, 1884.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
TAPE WORM.

an Eminent German Scientist has recently
.''oyefei rom root extract, an Absolats
Specific f1- Tape Worm.
s pleasant % take and ia not distressias
.a. patient but is peculiarly sickeniuz and
'.eNlnE 10 tho Tape Worm, which looseus
- ho.d o., its victim and passes away In ma
,'' s0d easy manner. entirely whols, with
"E''. and while still alive.
'he physician has used this specific IN over
Eases withouta single failure 90 void worm
'h'i-o Success guaranteed. No rav required
sIar aud terms
HEY WOOD ~ co.
10 Park Place New York.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
Drink Boiling w alto r.

/ DR.. John Mclean, ex-Prcsident OF
Princeton College. now in good health
at the age of ninety. said in an address
to the graduating class Of the Thelogi.
cal Seminary:
For more than fifty years my drink
night and morning, has been boiling
water sweetened and with small dusn
tity OF milk or cream, and not unfre.
quentiy at dinner also, especially after
preaching or public speaking.
i did not begin this practice from
any scruples "a 10 The using of other
drinks, but from a regard to my health.
When lad in my seventeenth wear.
and member OF the senior CLASP, in The
college here. from bard study and close
confinement | became dyspeptic, and
suffered much from this cause. The
dyspepsia continued to trouble me for
several years affecting not little NV
nervous system. thinking that this
might In n measure be due to the use OF
tea aud coffee, both Of which I was very
fond, resolved TO give them up, at least
Tor a time, and to return TO tho use OF
my drink in childhood. did so, ard
with the happiest result. Since that
time. the year Of 1929, have not Ia.
ken a spoonful Of toa or coffee.
III exhausted by speaking in public or
by mental effort, my usual resort 10 to
cup OF boiling water. not only because
Ut isA safer means Of recruiting my i'm
paired energy than the use or any exhil-
Sating drinks OF any description, but
for the farther reason that IL - as effec.
tusl ns any other, since by ita heat ADD
moisture it diffases a pleasant warmth
through the system. often removing
the necessity OF using a stronger slim.
ulent and al desire for IL.
Some years ago happened TO mention
To friend, one OF the leadiut physi.
Clans in Pbilslelphia, What was nv
customary drink; upon which he re.
piled, that, ifone was unweli, aud knew
not what allied him, he could not do
better thing than sip a cup Of boiling wa.
tera hot as he could Iake Il. Aud
upon repeating bis remark to an emf
nent surgeon OF New York CITY. be
gave me to understand tina, he vas
fully OF the same mind.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
COMMISSIONERS NOTICE.


The following is list Of Fiducia-
ries whose accounts are before me for
settlement:
Nimrod Whitacre, guard; an Of LOUISE
+. Oats and James Albert Oats: John
T. Vance guardian of Henry NJ. Inskeep
Reason and Henry Haines adminis,ra.
tors Of Daniel liaines deed. Charles
N. Iie1 administrator OF Elijah VOL
ford, decd. John Ii. Candy admins.
traitor Of John Horn. Jr., deed Isaac
T.. Carskadon guardian Of John o. Will
son, and OF William Il. Wilson and of
the late Addison 8. Wilson; Luther G.
Burket administrator OF Henry BurSet.
decd HARLAN J.. Tabb administrator OF
Sarah |Tabb, deed; Virginia Il. Snyder
administration with tho will annexed Of
John Nj. Snyder, decd Benjamin j.
Powell administrator Of John Holt,
decd; Elibu G.. Fletcher guardian of
Albert a. Fletcher Qnfant OF Susanna
IL. Fletcher; Emanuel Polling admins,
traitor OF John Fleming, decd; John
Largent guardian of AHnie Laura
Groves John V. Powell administrator
Of Christopher Slonaker, decd Benis-
min VI. llaines adminIstrator.o Cathe-
rine Wolford. decd j. G.. Lupton al.
ministrator OF Isabella Peril, decd a.
l. Pugh deputy for john Monroe late
Sherifrof Hampshire county and as sucb
committee administrator OF &. G. ALA
moDg, decd; James -. Armstrong
trustee Of Frank Myers, decd George
Il. Heitonimus executor of Overton +.
Heiromus deed Nimrod Wbitacre ex.
ecutOr Of William ). Hook, decd and
Nimrod Whitscre administrator dc boa
mis- non or samuel Hook, decd; John
Horn, Jr., administrator with the will
annexed tf John Horn, Sr.. decd /;
Charles w. Creswell administrator OF
James Creswell, decd; Joseph and
James Kidwell executors OF John s.
Kidwell, decd.
Given under my hand this I4th day
Of May, 1885.
JAMES A. GIBSON,
Nay p, lo6J.-2w CommissiVner.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
Directory of Hampshire Co. Court.

onec'o'y VI AalnpSnlre 20. Court.
The sessions Of the County Court begin. O.
The hrs, Tuesdays in January, April and Ucto.
ter, and on the last Tuesday In July, in each
year. The July session 10 the Levy Court
John T. Vance, ESQ.,. President. s.. n. vii
Jams aud David Pugh, Esqrs.. Commissis.ers
CIRCUIT COURTS.
The Circuit: Courts for the several Counties of
this the twelfth judicial Circuit. will heresf,er
commence and be held as follows:
Fox the county Of Hampshire ON the. frst
Tuesday in February. the second Tuesday in
May, and on the third Tuesday in September.
Hon. James d. Armstrong, Judge.
For the county Of Hardy, on the second Tues.
day in March, the last Tuesday in May and the
nrst Tuesday in October.
For the county of Grant, on the fourth Tues
day IN March, the 6rst Tuesday in June, and
tue third Tuesday in October.
For the county ef Pendleton on the second
Wednesday in April, the Wednesday after the
second Tuesday in June. and the Hrst wedLss-
day 10 November.
For the county Of Mineral on the second.
tuesday IN January, the fourth Tuesday in A.
pni' and the hrst Tuesday in Septsnbsr.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29


a mixture Of bone dust and nsbos Is
said to be the best fertilizer for straw.
berries.
The prosperous farmer never above
bis work to push him, but pushes his
work.
An exchange says that when trans
planting ioms,o plants. II you will dig
d hole, put ia smsll shovel full Of
osrnyrsd manure, cever b Tie depth Of
fouJ inches with drt, and mix a pound
ofsalt and plaster with tho dirt, you need
have no fear % drought. and viii raise
an Immense crop.
lfyour spoons are stained from ogss
rub them with little COMMON salt.
Mortar and paint may be removed
from wiadO. glass with hot, sharp vim.
egar.
Ifpaper has been laid under the car.
pet all dust may be easily renewed.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

a PRIZE , sssd : ,l1 '' T.s.IS 70: re-: re-:
costly box Of goods which will help you to
10Y, I'Is money right away than anything else In
s-s world All 81 either ser, succeed from
nonr The broad road 10 fortune opens
,.' Dc workers, absolutely sure. AZ once
TN'E co, Augusta, Mnino.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
MN0netic Cures.

DIR. HILL Is the fret man 10 discover the
philosophical principle that all nervous pains,
aches. and debility should be treated directly
rom the brain battery" from whence ems.
nate all the nervous force and will power
All other forme OF treatment for nervous disor.
ders are failures. Every person who suffers
from nervousness knows this. and that medi.
cines only palliste, but never cure. These ap.
planes are magnetic, and differ from all 9th.
ers on the market which are electric. Magnet
ism is the life Of man. Their curative qualities
are wonderful in all nervons complaints. The
Roman physicians practced ghetto treat.
ment 900 years ago in nervous diseases, but
did no, treat from the "brain battery" DR..
HILL has made this great discovery, the only
cure cure for nervous Headaches, Rheuma tism,
Neuralgia, Liver and Kidney Complalnts' Pa.
ralysis Govt, Spinal W eakness, DyspeDsia, Com
supaion. Cold Limbs and Feet, and General
Debility, Miraculous cures noted every day
The Magnetic Brush Tits nails, and the only
article of the kind invented. It is the great
est curative agent known and used in brush
bath, imparts tone, replenishts the debilitated
system, and creates warmth. In chronic cases
our Magnetic Bands. Belts aud Pads shonld be
used. The brushes are warranted to do the
work, or money refunded. Send for circular
and Testimonials. By giving a description of
nervous trouble, We will give advice and di-
rections how TO use our appliances. HILL
Medical Magnetic Appliance Company. Lock
Box IS, Washington, ID. q.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Tho latest Improvement la raising u.
ma beens is 70 use brush about eight
fee; high. stuck like pea.brusb, instead
OF poles. as commonlp ptacaseJ. Plant
in bills about three feet apart 10 .be di.
rectlon Of the rows, two or three plants
TO tbs bill, and the rows six or eight
feet from each other. Cut or the tops
Of the plants wien they get above tho
brush, and stop all tue eide shoots
when they are Two feet long. The
vines IRE much better exposed TO tho
sun and air ia this manner, aud far lar
ser crops are said 10 be mstured than
b. polling.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Rats have q great aversion 70 the o.
dor OF chloride OF lime, and, when nix
ell with water and poured in the boles
through which Tbs rats pass, they usu-
ally vacats their hsunis. This mix
ture is harmless does not kilt tho rats,
bat drives them away.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
SCROFULA

ran only be cured by thorough purifics,
ION OF the blood. II this Is neglected.
the disease perpetuatcs its faint through
generation after generation. Among is
Sssner symptomatic developments are
Eczema, CutaneOus Eruptions. Tn.
inors, Boils, Carbuncles, ErysipcIas.
rurulent Ulcers, Nervous and PLY.
sicah Collapse, etc. II allowed to con
tinne, rheumatism, Scrofulous ca
1arrh, Kidney and Liver Diseases,
Auoercuiar Consul mption, and vari-
Gus other dangerous or fatal maladies. ara
produced by II.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Save the manure. Poultry inanurc
- very valuable fertilizer. and car
readily BIO disposed Of II always pays
to carefully gather II together.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
TERMS or ADvEerIsINo

The rates OF advertising are, for a inch or
less, 0ss DOLLAR. AHp FIsrY CESrs for ihr..
inser;ions-larger ones in the same u onort;nn
Each continuance 374 cents.
Quarterly, half yearly, and yearly advertise.
nene inserted att liberal reduction on I he sbovs
Yearly advertisers disSoutinuing durinr the
year will be charged regular rates.
Noadvertisement TO be considered b. The month
or year unless specified on the man uscrpt ar nrs.
'io1'iy agreed upon between the parties.
nes9iu'ionsot associations, eommun:catieus Of
ZEN LINES will be charged ave cents per line.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
South Branch IntelliRencer.
william TaarL or, Editor.
Office Corner Nain and Cyaeel Lea. q. ,
RoMNEY. WEST YrRorNrA


TWO DOLLARS AND FIFTY CRNrs ,.,
.uanm -or TWO DULLAKS II paid In sd 49, ps'
No paper will DO discoatinusd except A. M.
option ofthe publisher, until all arrearages bs,.
bs.n set TIL ed.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Wheat beans and clover seed weigh
sixty pounds per busael.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
PATENTS. A sSH nna

SMITH, Solicitors Of U. s. and Foreign
Ia'enis No. 700 Seventh Street, cor. G, opp.
U. y. Patent Office, Washington, ID. G. Cor
'espondente solicited. No charge for advice
No fee charged unless Patent ia allowed Re-
Postmaster, Warrington. D. O. Pamphlet or
Instructions free
May l6, 1884 If
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
KINGS EVIL

ws ne nane fsemeriy giyca 70 screfuis
oeesesc or ssperstition that q could b
cured BY . kings touch. Tho world =
wiser now, and knows that
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Said Brougham when Inc was a
struggling lawyer: 'Circun stances al
ter cases; but l wish could get hold
of come cases that would alter my
circumstances.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

a rumor current in Washington is
one to the effect that Senator Malone
in some way got an linking in adj.
vance of the recent decision of the
Supreme Court on the Virginia bond
cases, went in for the rise which he
knew would follow, and jumped out
before the decline commenced with q
clean profit of $4,000.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

A French physician has written a
long letter on the advantages of groau-
ing and crying. He tells of man
who reduced his pulse from 126 to
sixty in the course of a few hours by
giving vent to bis emotions.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29
Farmer and Housexrecpc,:
ePUrARe AsAA-Boil feur sosd-siisd
potatoes. thAsh and slft throsgA . sieve;
add one ssd half pints Of nosr. two
teaspooafsls ~ SAhiag powder. oes pint
milk % cream. Forn il email cakes
end bake in gtsassd tin twenty min.
uteA.

CRAoKERs.-Onc pint Of -four. ono
cup Of corn meal. one-half tablespoonful
each OF salt and baking powder. ono.
half pin. of milk, one-quarscr OF 4 cup
OF butter. Mix into smooth, Grm
dough, cut one-duurter Of On inch thick
aad bake ten minutes. secs
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Two hundred years ago there was
a fish in tho Arabian seas so large
that the natives sawed it into plank 5
which they used to make roofs for
their houses.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Electricity is now employed in OK.
tracing teeth, u recently invented ma
chine pulling in actual test seven teeth
in five seconds.
The Southern States are now the lar
gest producers OF beeswax,
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-05-29

Jas. Maxwell one of the oldest and
most enterprising citizens of Wheel
ing, this State died suddenly Of heart
disease on Thursday of last week.
lie was president of the National
Bank of West Virginia.