The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1885-10-22
NOT TO BE KILLED.

ought to ~ to the Irishman who vowed
ito hang himself Or perish in the at
tempt
We'll, l should give it to the hero of
Dumas Companions of Jehu.'
''Why, what did he do?"
Our talk was being carried on upon
the hurricane deck of 4 homeward-
bound steamer from the Cape in the
full enjoyment of doing nothing, after
all the excitement of Zululand and the
Transyaal border.
'.Well, seemingly he objected to TAX
ing his own life. SO he was always try
ing to get somebody else to do it for
him, and the more he tried, the more
he didn't succeed. Oncc he quarrcI.cd
with tirst-rate swordSman. and killed
him without getting n scratch himself
Another time he went in among 4 band
of robbers, and they let him go scot
free. Then he challenged an English
man who was dead shot, and John
Bull fired in the air. At last he threw
himself into the thick of the battle of
Marengo, fired his pistol into 4 powder
wagon, and blew up not only himself,
but an entire Austrian regiment as
WELL"
His report in that magazine must
have made some noise in the world"
remarked Captain Crawford, of the
-th Foot.
Come. don't you begin trying to
make jokes, Crawford. or I'll jump
overheard" said Lieutenant Mason. of
the Naval Brigade. After all, that
fellow didn't beat the wind-up of Bur-
nand'S thrilling tale in the dime nov
ell style: And with a wild cry the
wretched man plunged the dagger into
his heart, discharged the revolver
through his brain, swallowed the dead
ly poison, and sprang from the bridge
into the gloomy river below. But his
hour was not yet come.
'.Well, he deserved no credit, be-
cause he didn't succeed, as the German
editor said of the man who tried to kill
Bismarck But, after all, who ever
heard of such things in real life2'
Guess l have, anyhow"
We all started and looked around,
no one having noticed the presence of
Mr.. Hiram p. Dollarsworth, U. S.,
who, indeed, was as habitually silent
as the great general whom fame has
credited with the power of holding his
tongue in ten languages.
ii kin beat that, reckin," pursued
our taciturn friend. ''Hev any of ye
ever been at ST. Malo?"
Il was there in 1864, Mr.. Dollars
WORTH" said l; 80 l can guess TO what
story you refer, but I'm sure these
gentlemen will be g lad to hear you tell
it,
"Wa'al, guess it's worth tcllin',"
rejoined the Yankee, with a grim
chucklc, Though | don't know if
they'll believe it, neither. You see,
thar was Il young French officer thar
in my time, one o them young geese
that think the hull worlds out of Tint
if their toe aches. One day-having
nothin' better to do, s'pose-he made
up his mind to kill himself, and, like
them highfalutin' Frenchers always do,
he concluded TO fix it so as his suicide
should be the talk of all Europe So
up he gifts airly one mornin', and down
he goes to the beach, takin' with him
a rope, and a pistol, and vial of pi
ION, and MATCHBOX. Then he climbs
up one of the tide-mark posts that's set
in a row thar, just rs the sea was clost
up to it, and he bitches one eend O the
rope around the cross-piece at the top,
and the other eend around his neck,
and then he set his clothes afrc with q
match, and swallered the pizon, and
let slap the pistol at his head, and
chucked himself off the post, all to
| once"
We'll, he certainly deserved to Sue
coed, after taxing SO N ch pains, said
Lieutenant Mason, as we'll as hc could
speak for laughing.
''Gucss he didn't, though" answer
ed Mr.. Doliarsworth; '.for it was jist u
ease of too many cooks Spite the
broth The bullet. stead O. goin'
| through his skull--whar it wouldn't
hev found many brains to stop it,
reckin-cut tile rope, and let him slick
| down ker-swosh into the sea, and put
out the tire right away. Then swaAeT-
in the saltwater made him sick. and
so he got rid of the piznn; and as if all
that warn't disappointing enough. the
| flood-tide washed him ashore .'all alive
and fresh. as them lying iisil-dealers
say. But if be wanted to he 'the talk Of
all Europe guess he get his wish.
for every newspaper or the hull CONT
nent had that story fore The month
was up, and the poor crittcr got so
c-tarnaliy laughed at that he concluded
| to jine the Mcxikin expedition till tire
| thing blew over -Usci,i Ker, in En-
ltor's Drawea', HarEer's Mayazinc for
| -iugust