The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1885-01-08
At THE RINK.
johnson Tells His Friend Boswell the stoiy
of His Experiences on Roller Skates.

AT HE htNk,
johnson Tells His Friend Boswell the stoiS
of His Experiences on Roller Skates.
ITO begin WITH" said johnson, to a
Tribune reporter, 81 must tell you that
a man whom 1 had always looked upon
as afriend gave me a couple of tickets to
a roller-skating rink. If you are at all
acquainted with roller-skates 1 need say
no more, but for fear you are not l will
relate my sad experience with them. Let
me remark parenthetically that if am
ever given a good chance l will subject
my false friend to gross indignities, as
he is the sole aus of my miscellaneous
aspect this night. l will not tell you
the name of the particular rink I visited,
but as there are only about eighteen in
the city you may be able to guess it.
..Well,n continued johnson, "having
nothing particular to do this evening, l
thought / would use one of the rink
tickets, and 1 accordingly visited the
horrible resort from which they were
issued. 1 reached the place about eight
o'clock, and already the smooth floor
was filled with merry skaters, whirling
gracefully owe the surface. 1t looked
very easy, and l knew l was a very
clever performer on the ice, so | thought
l would take a little whirl myself. First,
let me ask you Boz, if you have been on
roller-skates?"
mo-" answered Boswell, Il have
never had an opportunity. But I have
written up several carnivals, and it
looked like a very easy accomplish
ment."
20, it did; did itP" said johnson, sar-
castically. ''Well I'll give you this
other ticket, and I'll buy a box when
you make your first appearance. I sup
pose some of your friends skater"
Yes, l have a female relative who is
learning the art, but she is lame now"
'Iu bet she is if she had half my ex-
perience. But to proceed. l signed a
lease for a pair of skates and buckled
them on. Then 1 arose. 1t would be
hardly fair to ask me how long I stood
up, as l did not have time to calculate
the exact period. However, 1 sat down
again. Not that I cared at all to sit
down, as I was far from tired, but my
recollection of sitting down is very dis
tinct. Just feel that eye-tooth. l know
it was not loose when 1 dined. Well,
with the aid of the railing I stood up
again, and a pleasant-faced young man
with gold braid on his cap kindly in-
formed mt that my skates were on
wrong side before. He c~ourteously
volunteered to adjust them, and then
told me I must strike out boldly.
"That pleasant-faced young man left
his countenance firmly fixedin my mind,
and if fate wills that we shall meet
again 1 will do a desperate deed. Ac-
cording to his instructions I struck out
boldly. At least I remember that was
what I started to do. Something struck
me a violent blow on the back of the
head, and-well, talk about your Stod-
dard lectures! I'll bet I saw the whole
of the Castle Bordered Rhine inside of
thirty seconds. You can't imagine
well, just feel that"
johnson barred his marble brow and
placed Boswell's palm on a lump as big
as an eggplant which had arisen in its
might on the back of his head.
"Just feel that annex | built on the
back of my head without a permit. It's
| pretty large now, but you should have
seen it when I came to. Talk about
your double-headed boys! 1 was a sight.
When l regained consciousness l in
voluntarily looked around for the
pleasant-faced young man with the
gold-braided cap. but he had made good
his escape. l was assisted to the railing
by a young man with a polo cap, who
looked as though his name might be
Chauncey, or Herbert. OF Reginald, or
some other such name that suggests
nessel-rode pudding Or tu%tti-frutti. l
know that weekdays he viciously pecks
0% =, n~,,~f1 rry,{l Z, ,k,1 n1~.s a~l x-111,
Cash"
II suppose you quit then" said Bos-
well, cycling the well-developed lump
critically and comparing it with the
e~gg-shaped shadow that Johnson's head
cast on the opposite wall.
Quit, snarled Johnson, s%cornfully.
"Do you suppose I'd give up when
saw such fellows as Cash who had
legs like matches, skating so gracefully?
After l had reduced this bump a little
by the use of ice-water, l again took the
floor and skated all the way around the
rink. Of course l had one hand on the
railing" he added, noticing Boswell's
wondering look, .'but 1 made it. I tried
this four or five times, and then | grew
holder. Cash glided by me with such
ease that l gained confidence and started
to glide after him. Will you believe me
1 thought l had the hang of the thing,
for l went along nicely until l reached
the center of the rink. When / saw
that panorama l had resolved to give il
up, and SO l put on my Newmarket. ]
started out again without removing it,
and I'm sorry l did now, as | might
lave saved that from the wreck.
reached the middle of the rink, as l said
and was going along nicely when a dis
pute arose between my feet. One
wanted t go coward the entrance, while
the other seemed bent upon going up tt
the band-stand, and they started. o
course l wanted to stay where l was
but the feet wouldn't have it that way
They went as far as they could, anC
then suddenly started forward ii
parallel courses. They went too fast fol
me and l was obliged to sit down again
in order to stop them. AS 1 did so
heard something break, and I learned
too soon that the sections of my beloved
Newmarket had taken sides with m,
feet and had separated. This shattered
Derby rolled away and gained for m
the only bright spot in my memory o
the occasion, for it interrupted the pro
gress of n of my friend 'Cash's
skates, and for a moment the air wa
completely filled with drygoods clerl
and polo cap.
THAT wound me up. 1 sat RICH
there and removed my skates, picke'
off the sections of my Newmarket, re
covered my disabled Derby. and limpe'
over to the dressing-room. There
paid the rent for my skates and for
feited the lease. l have to carry thi
coat on my arm, and as both of then
are lame it is not a pleasant load.
think l I'm injured internally.
"Why don't you 60 to the afternoo,
sessions and learn how to skater