Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-07-28


Spa" said the beautiful little boy
with the vein of unworked humor
deep down in his system, "pa, did
Aunt Maria's nose take the second
growth ?"
The tender little jokelet fell flat
with dull, sickening thud. Nobody
laughed. On the contrary, Il deep
gloom was cast over the entire con-
gregation. When the first sudden
shock Of the jokelet had spent itself,
the father OF the little boy rose up
from the table, took the little boy by
the collar, and meandered with him
out behind the kitchen, pausing by
the wayside only long enough 10 pull
an oaken stave from all empty barrel.
And then there was q sound of revel-
ry, and at the end there were woe and
pain for the beautiful little boy. For
days and days thereafter he was sad
dest when lie sat, and never a smile
his once gay and joyous
young face, nor tender jokelet fell
from out his mouth. H.
His vein of humor was crushed
with a barrel-stave. 1t lay limp and
wounded unto death. The fountains OF
his humor were dried up, as it were,
and he never joked again.
And what is the result?
That beautiful little boy grew to be
an honored citizen. To-day he has
position, influence, dyspepsia
and a severe cast Of countenanCe. lie
is the managing editor Of "a paper,
and people come to him for advice,
and TO borrow money Of him, and lie
never refuses to extend helping
hand, at two per cent month if the
security is good. lie was saved by
a barrel-stave. lie was turned away
from perilous course whilst his
young mind was yet plant and Il
barrcl-stave could get in its good
work.
'Do humorists make great deal
of money - "DO they move in the
most select circles Of society?' Dear
fond mother, east your eyes about
you. Look around among the mil
lionaires and grand muc-a-nucs vi
the epoch. Let your gaze meander
from face to face. You do not see a
hulnorisl in the congregation. Nci-
ther do you find u humorist clolhed
in d spike-tail coat aud gay second
hand smile moving about in swell
society, and in debt to his washer
woman.
You must 90 to the humble vine.
clad cottage to beard the genuine
humorist in his den, as it were. There
you will find him with thoughtful
face and fair bald hair cutting OIL
some tirewood, or carrying the baby,
or putting a halt-ton of coal in his
cellar, and at the same time Matching
thoughts to convulse universe, al
five or six dollars a convulse. There
you will see tile true humorist clothed
in all his glory and pair Of half.
soled "pants."
List 10 me little longer, fond
mother of dear sweet boy. l have
a friend who is accused of being q
humorist, and he has been in trouble
ever since the charge was made
against him. Once he came to me
with cOuntenance more than usually
sad, and said:
"You do not know what a man
who is charged with being humorisI
has to endure. Everybody he meet,
expects him TO have fresh-laid jokes
constantly on hand, and they are dis.
appointed and go behind his back
and abuse him if a stream Of humol
isn't constantly oozing out of his
mouth. If he has the jumping tooth
ache, they will take no excuse, but
stand around waiting for him to turn
on a flow of humor that will make
them howl like Il calliope, and burst
their buttons of. Why, the Other
day | put my note before the director;
OF a bank, and they told me I'd have
to work in a joke on the face of il
and get a. prominent citizen to write
his name across the back, as an evi
dence of good faith, before they'G
discount it. And last week tota
stranger, who had heard that was
a humorist and wanted to hear u hu,
morist talk, sought an introduction
to me. After he got it, he seemed t
be greatly disappointed at my flow
of soul, and when l asked him tt
lend me ten dollars till after the mex
Presidential election he excused
himself, and went away with impet
uosity. l heard afterwards that h,
said he was greatly surprised at my ap
pearance, and that my conversation
fell far below his expectations il
fluency and originally that LOOKED
like a dealer in mistit collins, and m,
efforts to be facetious were decidedly
flat and heavy. None but those wht
have passed through it know anythin.
of what a person has to endure whel
it becomes whispered around that he
is a humorist. If | could, I'd reform
right now and lead a different life.
You will observe that the bark o
the humorist does not ride alway
upon untroubled seas. lie has hi.
trials, troubles, yeXations and disap
pointments the same as other folks
lie falls down the cellar-stars with al
oleander, shuts the heavy front doc
upon his thumb, bets his money OF
the candidate that gets left, come
home to the bosom ofhis light-hairet
family with long dark hair hanging
to his coat-button, and in moments o
abstraction sits down upon coil o
barbed wire fencing: aud through il
all he is expected to wear a smile ant
throw off scintillating jokes. Thinl
you, fond mother of u dear, swee
boy, that this be easy !? Alas, the of
fetal count, which is now completed
shows beyond question that 1t is not
This testimony is important, com
ing as it does from one who ha
achieved wide reputation as a humor
list, and it were well that you pondc
it, mother of dear, sweet boy.
You ask as the humorist profes
sion overcrowded?"
No, fond mother of a dear, swee
boy, the hulnorist profession is no
overcrowded. There are rows ant
rows of empty benches up in iron
there, as you will notice if you lie
your eye meander around the syna
gogne. But do you observe at tn,
door that man of lofty brow ant
eagle eye, armed with stuffed club
attended by u large, healthy pup will