Morning journal and courier., 1885-05-26
PROBLEMS.

"The Problems of Our Time" is the title of an article in a prominent magazine, but ii does not explain why 15 cents worth of ma terials should cost $10 when made into s bonnet.-Philadelph Call.
 HHow is it you never leave Paris and enjoy the countrya" said lady who liked ortolans on toast, to Auber. The author of ''Massa niello' replied, Madame, I dislike any place where birds go around raw"
 In one way long speeches are positive benefit. They relieve the speaker and dc not hurt the air into which they poured It is different with long, dull sermon, which is delivered as duty and received as punishment.-New Orleans Picayune. Two Troy men have invented machine that will make 1 ,500, 900 matches an hour. The thing should be in great demand at the fashionable watering places this summer. It is just what mothers of marriageable daughters have been looking for.-Lowell Citizen.
 Miss Budd-"Do you think Miss Roseleah pretty, MT. Holworthya" Holworthy (striv- ing to say something complimentary )- "WeH, she has very intellectual face. J Miss Budd-"Oh, fife, MT. HolworthyI what a compliment to pay young lady!" Hol- worthy-"Oh, wouldn't say it of you, you know.-Harvard Lampoon."
 Not contagious: 'tSakes live, Missus Bum ly, why didn't yo' tole me Willee he'd de humps Now I've done sposed de baby to um, an he'll hab 'em shuah p "Oh, I tink dais no danjah from um, Missus Ketchum, kase Willee's got um on one side only, an luther side hain't looked um tall an dey've been long togedder aller time.-Harper's Ba- zaar.
 A Hartford man believes that potato bugs do service for the farmer in pruning the vines, if they were not allowed to go too far. That's just our opinion exactly, but when the bugs get into our potato field we consider that they are going too far. So long as they confine their operations to our neighbor's premises we haven't word to say against them-Boston Transcript.
 Miserable sinners: A gentleman went into a crowded store to buy some stockings fo1 his wife. f'I want striped ones," he said to the clerk. "We have very few stripes, sir, , the clerk replied; 'tthey are not much worn now" "Are you surea" "Oh, yes, quite sure. will demonstrate the fact to you Then he leaned over the counter and shouted s'Ratsl" ''See?" he asked ''Yes, give me plain ones. ."-Drakes Magazine.
 Did 3ou ever see two women board a street car? No. We'll, they do it somewhat after this fashion: '.Is this our car, Celias'' 'sNo, Martha, don't think it is. think that is ours just back of it" They wait un- til the car has just passed, then hail it with their parasolss This proves intellectual, so several men begin to whistle for it on their fingers. It is at last brought to a standstill, and one of them says: 'sNow, you get on first" sNo, l won't; you get on." q shant do it. J .'But you must" ''There, now, I've left my handkerchief in that store; oh, dearl" Cant you wait, conductor, while she goes back to look for ita' "Oh, never mind, will call there again tomorrow and see if it has not been found. Now, you get on, Celia 'tNo, you" s'This car goes up Columbus avenue, doesn't it, conductora'' (Conductor)-'tNo, ma'am," and then he pulls the shingles ton Post.