davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-28

Chicago. st. Louis Pittsburg.
Depart-New York, Philadelphia. Wash
1ngton. Baltimore and Pittsburg
Express daily, s-.--............ 410 am
Dayton and Columbus Express,
except Sunday .......11:10 am
Richmond Accommodation. 1865. 400 pm
New York Philadelphia, Washing
ton. Baltimore and Pttsburg Ex-
press, daily s.. h.......... 4:35 pm
Limited Express daily, S. h....... $40 pm
arrive-limited Express daily. ...-.-. 700 am
chmondAccommouation except
Sunday .-.......!......e. $40 am
New York, Philadelphia Washing
ton, Baltimore and Pittsburg Elk.
press, daily .--..-........-..-...11:45 am
Columbus and Dayton Express ex-
cept Sunday. Observation-Disclosures. 4:35 pm
New York Philadelphia, Washing
ton, Baltimore and Pittsburg Ex-
press daily 1920 pm
CHICAGO DIVISION VIA KoKoMo P, @. & ST. L. R. r.
Depart-Louisvlle and Chicago Express,
p c..---........-.-....---.... am
Louisville and Chicago Fast Ex-
press, daily, s.--...............11:OO pm
Arrive-Chicago and Louisville Fast Ex-
press, daily, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. 400 am
Chicago and Louisville Express
p.c-......... 1886 pm
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-28

Cincinnati. Wabash & Michigan Railway.
(Over the Beeline)
Depart-Indanapolis and Grand Rapids FIX. 400
Michigan Express ............. l O5 am
Louisville and Wabash Express. 7:1O pm
Arrive-Wabash and Indianapolis Elk press. 1l25
Cincinnati e Louisville Express 2:O5 pm
Indianapolis and ST. Louis Express 1915 pm
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-28
Indianapolis & Vincennes.
Evansville & Terre Haute Railroad.



Leave indianapolis t7:15 arm, IL 80 amp 1915 pms
Leave Terre Haute tlO40 am, 300 On. p, 400 ans
Ar. at Evansville 400 pm 700 pm p, 7:25 ans
Leave Evansville to % am, 1880 amp, $40 pms
Ar. at rerre Haute 1000 am 2;l7 pm p, 1l:59 pms
Ar. at Indianapolis $3.50 pm 4:40 pm D, 800 ans
tDaily except Sunday. All other trains daily. z.
parlor car g. sleeper
Vial. g. st. L. Rv.)
Leave Indianapolis TIA am 1855 pms
Al. at Terre Haute ilOiO am 3:OOpm D. 400 ans
AR. at Evansville. ti00 pm 100 pm D, 7:l0 &n
Leave Evansville tti.05 am 1890 am D. SD pms
Ar. at Terre Haute II 900 am. 2:l7 pm p. 11:59pms
Ar. at indianapolis 1915 pm. go pm p, 3l5
tDaily except Sunday An other trains daily. T.
oarlor Car; q, sleeper.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-28

Indiana, Bloomington & Western.
PEORIA DIVISION.
Depart-i,acifc Express and Mail .-... 8:15 am
Kansas and Texas Fast Line, c.. $40 pm
Burlington and Rock Island Elk
press, daily. r. C. and s---.---.-.11:1O pm
Arrive Eastern and Southern Express,
daily r. C. and STANDARDIZATION $50 am
Cincinnati Special. r. c---..----.--l1 LOO am
Atlantic Express and Mail 345 pm
EASTERN DIVISION.
Disqualification Express Mail daily s., &C. Ala am
Atlantic Express, daily, s. and c. C. 4:05 pm
Day Express NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 500 pm
Arrive Pacific Express, daily S. and c. c. 745 am
Western Express. 445 pm
Burlington and Rock Island Elk
press, daily, s. and r. c-..----.--1O:35 pm
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-28
Cincinnati, indianapolis. st. Louis & Chicago.

Cincinnati. indianapolis. st. Louis & Chicago.
CINCINNATI DIVISION.
Depart-Cincinnati and Florida Fast Line,
daily s. and c. c--.-...--.....-. 400 am
Cincinnati, Rushville and Colum.
bus Accommodation ...-..... Ills am
Cincinnati and Louisville Mail, p. c. 3:45 pm
Cincinnati Accommodation daily. 655 pm
Arrive-lndianapolis Accommodation daily 2O:55 am
Chicago and st. Louis Mail p c.-.1150 am
st. Paul and Omaha Express..-.--. 4:55 pm
Chicago and ST. Louis Fast Line,
daily S. and c. c.. .1O45 pm
CHICAGO DIVISION.
Depart-Chicago and Rock Island Express ITO am
Indianapolis and South Bend Elk. III am
Chicago Mail, p. c....---..-.---..12.10 pm
Flying Hoosier.- NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. $40 pm
indianapolis and South Bend Ex-. 5:1Opm
Chicago, Peoria and Burlington
Fast Line, daily, S. T. c.......... 11:2O pm
Arrive-Cincinnat and Louisville Fast Line,
daily C. c. ands........... 3:35 am
Flying Hooser 1855 am
South Bend and Indianapolis Ex.- 1875
Cincinnati and Louisville Mail, .. $50 pm
Cincinnati Accommodation. 1880. GAP pm
South Bend and Indianapolis Elk. 6:42 pm
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

During the war with the South
says Life, there was certain com.
pany of raw recruits marching rapid
ly to the front. Their way to the
outpost led along a Virginia road
which stretched over rolling country
that was dotted here and there with
clumps of trees. At turning, they
saw ahead of them pine grove which
grew about a hundred yards to the
left of their path, but they were un'
aware that in its midst squad OF
rebel calvary was lying in ambush
AS the company got abreast of the
timber, the guerillas opened a scatter.
ing fire OH their flank. 1t was the
first time the recruits had heard bullets
singing over their heads, and, more
over, they had no idea that the enemy
was within five miles of them, so they
were uncertain how to regard this
demonstration. The squad halted
undetermined what to do; and one
big German, after putting his hands
to his mouth trumpet-fashion, shout.
ed toward the trees: "Stob shood.
ing" and then turned excitedly to the
officer in command, exclaiming
"What de tevil dep aboud : Don'd
dey know dey is some beoble here?"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

"No, sir; she amt my daughter
yender, nor nowhere else"
"Is she relative of yours?"
"No, sir; no kim"
"Kin to your wife, l suppose Z"
"No kin to my wife, but she's kin
to my children"
Glow do you make that out?"
"She's my wife,"
"How far is it to the next house p
at is called three miles, but the
man who calls it that is liar"
"I've got enough" said the judge,
turning to the lawyer. "Drive on,
l pity the man who depends ON this
man for information. ."-Arkansaw
Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28
The Editors Letter.

In the course of year the general
Office of a big railroad gets some
queer, some funny, some solemn, and
some otherwise" requests for passes.
General passenger agent Ford, of the
Pennsylvania lines west Of Pittsburgh,
showed one yesterday which he calls
"the modest and facetious kind" from
a western editor, living on one of his
lines. Mr.. Ford thought it too good
to "keep," and it is given below, ex-
cept the names and locality:
81 have modest request to make.
I want to get pass for myself and
wife from ~ to Washington, d. c.,
and thence to New York, with stop
privileges at Baltimore and Philadel-
phia, and return. / know that the
general rule is to refuse such requests
as this. l wish, however, to state my
case:
"Firstly-This is to be my wedding
trip, and country editors, you know,
in such cases depend upon their rail-
road friends standing by them in the
worthy effort to make their brides be-
lieve they have caught millionaire
when they hook on to a country edi-
tor. Poor little innocents! They
think that all they have to do will be
to ride free over the country and be
the honored guests Of the great Of
the land. Little do they dream Of
the painful truth that they will have
to exc out scanty substance from
tickets to snidc minstrel shows and
Uncle Toms Cabin troupes, orders on
corner stores which will be coldly
honored for goods at four times their
value, contracts for organs and sew
ing machines, by means Of which edi-
tors are permitted, after giving several
hundred dollars worth of advertising,
to purchase an instrument after pay
ing eight-sevenths Of its value in cash.
"By the courtesy of railroad Off
cials editors usually succeed in con-
cealing these unpleasant things from
brides, and 1, therefore, follow the
custom and bone you for the passes.
81 am Postmaster at -, and be-
ing one Of the rascals who must go,
will have to hump myself to get back
in time to be kicked out, and will not
be able to move peg until that mo.
mentous event occurs. / think ]
have made my case if you think not
let me know and l will add an amend.
ed and supplemental petition. Mark
your answer private. have not
yet billed the town nor requested any
ones presents at my wedding. !
might say burn this but the words
are painful"
Mr.. Ford says in this case it was
too much for him, and fearing an
amended petition" he yielded and
sent the passes; but he desires it to be
understood that this is not to be re-
garded as precedent or an example
for others Of the fraternity.-Pitts-
burgh Commercial Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28
How Boston Boys Can Afford to Smoke
Expensive Cigars

The Boston Globe says: A smil
ing, well-dressed youth, accompanied
by damsel, came into drug store
at the south end last evening, and
walking up to the cigar case and com
mandingly placing his gloved hand
over the boxes containing the "six-
for-a-quarter" kind, said: "Give me
a 25-cent cigar"
1.-TWO for half dollar2' asked the
polite druggist.
Eyes that is the kind, but | will
only take one tonight. l have left
my case at home, and they break ter
ribly in my pocket" was the reply.
Reaching out handful of the
choice brand to his customer, the
apothecary waited until he had select.
ed one to suit him, and then, replac.
ing the rest in their proper box, took
the proffered 25-cent piece and drop.
ped it in his till.
After doing this he furtively took
two dimes from box in his money
drawer and, procuring some matches
from shelf, dropped the money and
the lucifers in the young mans hand
saying, as he did so: "Here, have a
match ?"
This advice was taken by the youth
and when he had succeeded in light.
ing his purchase and its costly arena
reached the olfactory organs of hi:
admiring companion, she turned hel
love-lighted orbs up to his and said
in tones Of worshipful awe:
20, Charlie how can you afford
to smoke 25-cent cigars?"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

"Will you be kind enough, sir, t.
hold this ram for me while open this
gate +? 1t is fastened OH the inside
and ! must climb over" This modest
remark, says the New York Sun, was
made by man who was standing al
a gate on lonely road, and it was
addressed to n stalwart sailor who
had just come up. The only other
object visible on the long, straight
road was the large black ram, whose
massive crooked horns were being
held by the man as the two stood
quite still in front of the gate.
"Why, sartinly, shipmate," said the
obliging tar, as he seized the big horns
and relieved the first holder. The
latter climbed quickly over the gate.
81 thank you very much,' he said
politely, when he got to the other
side. "You will be surprised to hear
that | never saw that ram before to-
day. The brute attacked me about
half an hour ago, and we have been
tussling together ever since. AS long
as you stand before him holding his
horns firmly he can't hurt you much
Goodbye. hope you will be as
lucky in getting away from him as ]
have been" 1t is not known what
the sailor said.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

A young man who signs himself
"Sallust," writes to an exchange
(which is the most profitable pro-
fession-ths church, the law, medicine
or journalism am a college grad
uate, and am debating which to ell
ter" Journalism, by all means, Sal
lust. Did you ever know of an ed
itor who was not a millionaire p
Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

A Marathon amateur who wrote to
the manager of the Madison square
theatre to know if there was an open
ing on the stage there for young
actor, received reply that there
were several openings in the stage
there, and if he would come on he
would drop him through one Of them
with pleasure.-Marathon Indepen-
dent.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Court (to prosecutor)-"Then you
recognize this handkerchief as the
one which was stolen from your"
Prosecutor.-"Yes, your honor" +"
Court.-"And yet it isn't the only
handkerchief of the sort in the world.
See, one have in my pocket is ex-
actly like it." Prosecutor.-"Very
likely, your honor; l had two stolen." "
-Kenney Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

"Now, my young friends, can you
tell me who Leonidas was" eyes,
sir; yes sir; he was member of the
Legislature. "And what makes you
think he was n member of the Legis-
lature, my children ?" Because, sir,
he held pass with Spartan firmness. F"
louisville Courier-Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

"Your crop seems to be consider
ably in grass" said passer by to a
negro who sat on fence. Eyes, sab,
General Green's dun got it." "Did
you overplant yourselfT "No, sab ;
planted bout nuff." "Why didn't
you plough iti" "Wifc tuck sick.
She does de ploughin' fur dis place"
"What do you dof" "What does /
do? | breaches, dat's what l does.
IF Providence comes along an makes
de oman sick, l KANT help it. Use
been called, has. .'-Arkansaw Trav-
eler.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

II hear that your brother is given
to somnambulism r. whats that ?"
"He walks in his Sleep" "Well, that
makes me smile. I guess you don't
know my brother. He is the LATEST
white man in Texas. He wouldn' t
walk in his sleep no matter how sound
asleep he was. He is too lazy entire
ly. I might not be surprised to hear
that he had ridden in street car in
his sleep, but as for his walking. that
is out of the question. He don't
walk when he is wide awake if he
can help Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

"My wife has gained a sweeping
victory'" exclaimed a breathles'
bareheaded citizen as he emerged up
on the sidewalk. "How SOP" inquir
ed passer by. why" explained
the hatless individual, "she has JUS
driven me out with a broom. m."-Bur
lington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28
Arkansaw Natives on Their Own
Stamping Ground.

II do not see any popularity about
your people," said an eastern judge,
addressing his travelling companion,
a well-known Arkansaw lawyer, 81
have travelled quite extensively in the
State, and / have not, as yet, found
that eccentricity of action and pre-
varication of reply that has often
amused me in the newspapers"
"You have done most of your trav-
cling by rail-" the lawyer replied.
"This is your first trip away from the
main road. I'll show you some of
our genuine natives. Yonder is a
house. Call the landlord and hold n
conversation with him."
"HalloW called the judge.
"Conin' 7" the man replied, depos-
iting child in the doorway and ad-
vancing.
"Children's hearty; wife's not we'll.
Amt what you might call bed-sick,
but just sorter stretchy."
Got anything to eat in the house ?"
"Ef l had it anywhere I'd have it
in the house."
"How long have you been living
here 7"
"Too long,"
"How many years :"
"Been here ever since my oldest
boy was born"
"What year was he borni"
"The year ! come here"
"How old is you boyi"
"Ef he had lived he would have
been the oldest until yit, but he died.
Jim's the oldest"
"How old is Jim ?"
"He amt as old ms the one that
died."
"Well, how old was the one that
died 7"
"Hc was older than jim"
"What do you do here for n hv-
ingr
EAT"
How do you get anything to
eat 7"
THE best way we kim"
"How do you spend your Sundaysf'
Like the week days."
How do you spend them"
Like 6undays."
"Is that your daughter, yonder r.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

AS some sportsmen were grouped
around the stand at the shoot yester-
day, fine dog, setter, came up to
his owner, Patrick Lyons. That's
an Al dog of yours" said bystand-
er. IL thought he was K9," said
Mr.. Lyens.-Buffalo Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

A man had an attack Of epilepsy
in a tailor's shop, whercupon the ri.
val tailor opposite remarked that
twas the first fit they had ever had
there. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Erysipelas and Salt Rheum was
driven entirely away from Mrs. j. G.
Anderson, Peshtigo, Wis, by Bur-
dock Blood Bitters. No equal as a
blood purifier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

An apothecary asserted in large
company "that all bitter things were
hot" "No," replied physician, ga
bitter cold day is an exception. -
Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

An ex-editor in Saginaw has be-
come barber. He wields the scis-
sors as Auently as ever, but does more
head work now.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

An acquaintance of the other sex
remarked to a woman: 81 never
heard of seven devils being cast out
of man." "No," was the reply
"they've got them YET" ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Husband" is a taking title. 1t
invariably takes the bride, and the
wedding guest takes the cake. -
Erratic Enrique.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Leve is not dead yet, but he is very
sick, and he is attended by two very
fatal physicians--Doubt and Selfish
nese.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

A patient said of his doctor: HE
gave me so much medicine that !
was sick long time after l got we'll"
=Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Great contest after two months of
married life-Which shall be speaker
of the house. Rochester Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

In commencing a new burial cas-.
ket, an editor assured his readers that
no person who had tried one of them
would ever use any other.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

A mans domestic relations don't
bother him half so much as the re-
lations of his domestics.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

Business men, as well as religious
men, should beware of false prophets.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

The balloon that will not 60 up is
not good for ascent.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28
Advertising Rates.

line. WV
Local Notices ton cents psr line for each inser-
tion.
Prices and Terms alike Tn all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-01-28

An Independent Newspaper Of Dem
cratic Principles, but not Controlled b
ny Set Of Politicians or ManipuIators
devoted to Collecting and Publishing al
he News Of the Day in the most Inter
sting Shape and with the greatest pos
ibIe Pwmptness Accuracy and Impair
iaIity; and to the Promotion Of Demo
ratio Ideas and Policy in the affairs o
soverment Society and Industry.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-30

sir, you blossom like the rose. l mean that she shall be your wife"
 "Ah, judge, you are too good. do not blame you for your preuOus objec- tions to me; in fact, think more of you" :"
 The judge embraced the young man.
 Extensive preparations for the mar riage were made. All Of Hall;e's rela. tives rejoiced in view of the important fact that &he had selected so rich a hus- band.
 One morning, few days before the time appointed for the marriage, the judge sat on the bench. The case oi Millsap vs. Hudginson was called. The regular panel was exhausted and it be- came necessary that the deputy sheriff should go out and summon a jury. Among the men summoned the judge was mortified to see young Hanks. He tried to excuse Hanks, but the lawyers insisted that he should serve. Alter court adjourned, the judge vent to Hanks and said:
 "You needn't come to my house-or rather your house-any more"
 "Why?" Hanks asked in astonish- ment.
 Any man" the judge panted with indignation. "Any man who has little enough sense to serve on jury shah, marry my daughter. It will break her heart when she hears of your disgrace. Leave my sight!'
 Hanks, once so fortunate, is now a professional juryman-illustrating the moral of this touching story: Keep out of the way of deputy sheriffs when the regular panel has been exhausted.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-30

dey runs arter me wheneber goes down to de pond"
 Then the hunters looked at each other and said:
 Don't let us tell anything about it for fear the sifter may get hold of it" and they paid over one silver dollar to the African for his pet ducks, which he did cook for them.
 But the best of the joke is that the old darkey lied, for the ducks were really wild ducks after all j; but the Austin sportsmen did not know the difference. The old darkey makes as much as ten dollars Sunday, by going out aud claim ing all the wild ducks that are shot as his tame ducks. In every instance the huntsman hands over the money.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-30
TEXAS NlMRoDs.

Several Austin gentlemen started out one Sunday last winter for the purpose of desecrating that day. They carried guns and Hasks with them for that purpose. The hasks were not as dry inside as a powder-horn. They were not that kind of fiasks. Finally they saw ducks, and proceeded to organize campaign plan. They crawled up on the ducks on their stomachs-that is on their own, the hum ters' stomachs-and blazing away, killed two ducks. The Sunday hunters secured their prey, and proceed to the cabin of an old darkey close by, for the hunters were hungry. They told him they would shower down wealth upon him, if he would cook their wild ducks for break last The old darkey turned over those wild ducks and exclaimed:
 @Dem ar is my tame ducks, and dey s wrf fifty cents apiece. Dey is so tame
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-30
A GOOD CASE.

"A man enters lawyers office. The lawyer asks:
 "Well, sir, what can do for you?n " want to sue General Bogleton." i" For how much ?"
 "Well, say about two thousand dollars" i" "That's pretty good. State your case" "l haven't got any case, particularly. He's got lot of money and haven't. Thought I'd better go to law about it." "How's your proof?"
 "First rate."
 "All right. We'll show the general what it is to beat poor man out of his hard earnings"
 "Don't know the general, do you% "No."
 "Well, Pm the man, and the truth is, l owe Tom Kaine two thousand dollars and don't want to pay him and he has sued me-"
 "Well, by George, sir" exclaimed the lawyer, we'll show the impudent fellow what it is to be presump ptu ous."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-30

SOME time ago, a young man just from Germany, began an eventful career in Conway, Arkansaw. He could not speak word of English, and as he was known to have several dollars, the members of the poker club told him, in bad German, to come around and make himself at home. Pretty soon he picked sp enough English to enable him to play poker. They skinned him al first, but after awhile as he became better acquainted with American customs, he began to make enough money to buy up a few houses and lots. At the same time 1t was noticed that, in consequence of the hard times, the leading members of the club began to sell property. Now, the young fellow speaks good English and makes it point to gather in all the poker money that goes up the Fort Smith road. Three weeks ago, professional player went up from Little Rock and called on the young German. Yesterday, covered with dust and limping in worn-out shoes, he returned. This shows the possibilities of American citizenship. It shows tbat the gates of our prosperity are not closed against the foreigner. A recent letter from Conway states that the democrats are determined to send the young man to our next legislature, and that the re- publicans arc all willing to support him.