davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

A special telegram from East Saginaw,
Mich, gives a brief but very interesting
report Of last Wednesdays proceedings
of the Michigan Undertakers' Associa-
ton. The 200 members OF the association
INDUCED in a good deal of funereal face
tiousness, but soon got to regular BUSH
ness.
The effects vi tHe association are social
ENJOYMENT. the advancement of the bust
ness interests of its members, and the
elevation of the tone of the profession.
With a view to the attainment of the
object last mentioned a committee was
appointed to draft bill and present it 10
the LEGISLATURE. which shall provide for the
dignifying and protecting of undertakers
by tie granting Of diplomas in a similar
manner to the law regulating the licens-
inc OF physicians.
This important step Of the Michigan
Updertakers' Association is g cOmmenda-
bic one, and the undertakers of other
States should give the subject immediate
consideration. Undertskers are much
abused class, and there are thousands of
people all over the country who believe
tnat there is nothing elevated about them
except their bills, the almost universal
high tone Of which has been commented
uoon, and the final passage of
which has been often postponed
indefinitely because the parties TO
the contract of the second part could not
appreciate the special skill. the technical
knowledge, and the wear and tear on the
beart.strings Of the undertakers-all Of
which combine to increase the value of
their services. if not Of their wares. 1t is
to be hoped that the Michigan Legisla-
tura will not follow the custom Of the
country and stand OF THIS undertakes
bill until it shall be barred by the statute
Of limitations.
If this bill should become law, very
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
RED TAPE ar wAsHINGTON.
How a Detective Circumvented q stick
ling Official.

How Detective Circumvented a stick
ling Official.
There are government officials and gov
eminent officials. says a Washington let
ter TO the Philadelphia Record. Some of
them wrap themselves up in red tape every
morning and wear it all day and part of
the night Others are as free within their
official harness as they would be without
it. Some of the latter have been known
on occasions to violate the letter of the
law in order to preserve intact its spirit.
But these are rare. | heard a good story
about one ofthem tonight. Some years ago
a man who held a small collection Office
under the government out in Michigan
wrote to the Secretary of the Treasury
one day asking why his remittance Of
5000 had not been acknOw legged. In reply
he was informed that 1t had never been
received. He wrote back thar he had for
warded it 10 gentleman (whOm we Will
call Peter SnOOks in response to letter
from SnOOks stating that the government
being very much occupied by great affairs,
could not trouble itself with small col
lectiOns, and so had authorized him to re-
cived moneys gathered for the govern
ment by the less important collectors.
Accompanying this was a clumsy imita-
ton OF Treasurer Spinner's remarkable
Handwriting purporting TO convey
he claimed. The Secretary of
the Treasury wrote at once,
denouncing the impOstOr and directing
the Michigan collector to remit there
after to the United States Treasury.
Then he dispatched two Treasury officials,
one OF them the Chief Of the Secret Ser
vice, to the city post office to find the
letter addressed to Shocks. They found
it oddly enough, SnOOks for some reason
having failed 10 claim it. Then they
went to the then second Assistant Post
master General and asked formal permits
sion TO open that letter and take from it
the gov ernment's money. To their aston
ishment, the Second Assistant Post
master General, an old red-tape martinez,
refused 10 allow them to touch the letter.
More than that, he waXed furious over it.
Absurd" he said; absurd The idea!
Why, you ought to be dismissed from the
government service. The idea Of govern
ment officials tamperlng with the nails
In vain they tried to explain, showed him
the correspondence with the Michigan
man, the orders of the Secretary of the
Treasury. and everything else they had.
lie only grew more excited, and. sending
for the city Postmaster, be finally order
ed aim to take particularly good care OF
that shocks letter. The Trea surv officials
went down to the city post office with the
city Postmaster in VERY sOrrOWful mood.
An idea came, however, to the POstmas-
ter and to the Chief OF the Secret SER
vice on the way down. When they had
arrived a the office u the city POstmas-
ter the latter said
"Well, gentlemen, | nave 10 20 out for
an hour or two. As You are boTh govern
ii . Is Z -ag4. Sc
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
DIDN'T HUM0K THE JOKE.
Lawrence Barreta Taken for a waite

Lawrence Barrett Taken for q Waiter.
Being in town fer an evening, says d
New York letter, be, by previous invita-
lion Of Judge Daly.a cornwall sitter On
our supreme Court bench. put his foot
under a DQlmonico t-blo along with
GeUI-e William Curtis. Charles q. Dana.
Samuel J. Randall aud Maror LIsou.
They had private room, but the apart
mcut had rather publc door, since il
opened of a hallway le ding 10 the ball
room, where some Filth avenue people
were that night doing some exceedingly
fashionable dancing. The mentioned men
were in sWaIlOW-tdl coats. of course. and
IN that respect were like DelmOnicO wait
ers; but the servants, in order to be readily
distuguishable from the guests of the eS-
adjustment, are compelled by q stringent
rule to 20 without mu-taCEes. II YOU will
recall how rarely a man nowadays bares
his upper lip you viii understand That
the DelmOnlcO regulation is about as
effective as putting big label On the
menials. But actors, too, needs have
completely sbaVen faces; and | dbate none
of my respect for Barrett in declaring
thar, owing to his immobility Of both face
and figure, he looked the ideal waiter as
he stood Just within the omen DOORWAY.
with several Of his friends, waiting for She
rest. Goers 20 the ball were passing in n
throug A respondent belle rushed at
him, and in a half-maudatOry halfpatrO-
niz:ng tone, said: 80. waiter, run right
down to my carriage, VIII you, and bring
my wrapE'
1t is not lawful to kill pretty girl for
mebing a blunder, and it would be unfair
TO accuse Barrett OF desirn" 10 do it; but
wnen the fair creatures escort, perceiying
the supposed walters LnWlllngneSs,
clapped silver quarter into his hand, there
was nOreasoD for Withholding resentment.
'Sir-r-r!' and the actor added a half inch
to his height by drawing himself up, and
something to his girth by initiating his
breast, "what do you tak-ah me for-r?"
Please to let the spelling express the most
tragic possible sort OF enuDciation.
pitched in deep bass. and accompanied
by An appropriate facial distortion. The
beau and the belle humbly crayed pardon,
but couldn't tell whether they got it, so
hastily did they retire.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

SENATOR SHERMAN is a shrewd real estate
operator. He therefore utilities the rear "cen-
tres" so TO speak. of the blocks he buys and
builds on. Probably ne owns more alley
dwellings than any other man in Washington.
By ner marriage, the Princess Beatrice
will become sister-in-law to the Prince Of
Bulgaria, and, curlously, sister law to her
Alice. who Is IN srried TO the elder brother of
Beatrice's betrOthed.
Henry IRVING tells q Detroit reporter that
he always uses his own family name, BrOdrib,
eTcnce to Warrington Irving. whom he SAWS
he did not think Of ana iRtimates he never
thought much of.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
ROSA TO sQUELCH PHELAN.
He Says he Can, in Three Columns,
Prove the Kansas Man Traitor.

He Says he Can, in Three Columns,
Prove the Kansas Man a Traitor.
A little man, with tape measure in
his hand, says the Kew York Herald of
Jan. 10, hurried into Chambers Street
Hospital yesterday forenoon and asked
for Capt. Pbelan. Its the undertaken to
get his measurement" sand a bystander.
'NO. it's a tailor" said Supt. Parks.
The Captains coat was cut 20 pieces
and he is TO be measured for a new suit"
His condition Yesterday showed improve
ment. and be viii try on the coat and 20
to court next week.
Mrs. Phelan has been deluged with let
tiers from both men and women. some
are threatening ia their tone and intimate
that If will be best for the Captain TO give
up the idea Of prosecuting short. Others
are impioring, especially those from
Shorts immediate family.
O'DOnOyau Rosa mtimated yesterday
that be would soon prepare . three
column article for the press, exposing
Pbelan as a traitor. lie explained the
paragraph in his paper which alleged
that President Arthur was not surprised
at the assault on Phelan by saying that
the information in the interview IN the
Kansas City Journal had already been
furnished to others by Phelan and mad got
into the pOss ession Of the British Govern
ment, which laid the whole matter before
President Arthur. Rosa says the Presi-
dent had this before him when he wrote
the part of his message referring to dyna-
miters.
When questioned about the truth OF
dispatch from Hull. England, which said
that Phelan gave his own name there and
that he represented himself as the agent
OF O'Don0van Rosa. the latter said yes
terday. .'Tuat was d fine statement for
him TO make in England. Men have been
thrown in Jail there TOR less than that.
Unless he knew that ne had English pro
lection he wOld not have dared 20 say
such q thing. 1t gave him a little nOt0-
rietv. perhaps, and made people shiyer.7
An0yeity IL dress is draping from he
left shoulder that falls in the folds OF the
skirt, tied in at the waist with br0caaed
| ribbon,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
PERSONAL.

GEN. FREMONT's son, John G. Fremont, Jr.,
has become a Lleutenantin the regular army.
2. F. READE. the suspended New York
Grain broker. is only 20; a wear ago was a
messenger boy; has been within six months
worth $4,000, and is now cleaned out.
HENRY II. GORRINGE, eX-CCmmander T..
S. N is living seriously i'll at his residence IN
New York He is suffering from concus-
sion Of the spine, the re-ult Of an accident,
and insomnia.
THEODORE TILrON is living il Paris, where
he is described a. giving good dinners to good
persons. writing a volume Of poems. and
rlingIiper in artistic society, including that of
sarah Beruhardt.
THE friends Of President Arthur have sug
cestod that he accept the presidency OF Union
College. now vacant, il not chosen as Senator
from New YORK. He was member Of the
class Of 1913 in that institution,
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
AN ANCIENT vAGABOND.
Col. HIgginsOn's Lecture About Ger
tain Yankee Named Tufts.

Col. HiggiMsOn's Lecture About a Ger
tain Yankee Named Tufts.
Col. Thomas Wentworth HigginsOn,
says the New York Times of Jan. IA,
amazed and amused an audience of
church -gOers in the rooms OF the Long
Island Historical Society last evening by
recounting the adventures Of a New Eng
land YagabOnd OF a century ago. The
speaker explained that the purpose Of the
lecture was to show the under side Of New
England manners and morals about the
time of the revolution. He frescOed them
with literary crimson, altogether upset
ting traditional views Of the sturdy vir-
tues of those days. The material for the
lecture had been gathered from a book
which Col. HigginsOn picked up - or 80
years ago, entitled "A Narrative of the
Life and Adventures, Trials and suffer
ings Of Henry Tufts"
THEFT was the occupation Of the hero.
For 80 years he stole everything cOnceiy-
able, including wives, in winning whom
he was as gifted and versatile as sailor.
His operations extended from Canada to
virginia, and he had wife in almost
every town in which he tarried for any
length Of time. He had a special faculty
for getting his pick from sewing circles
and PRAYER meetings. at different times
he passed himself off as clergyman and
as a physician. He deserted from the
army, and led his pursuers chase across
the hills of Massachusetts, stealing horses
for himself as often as he wanted fresh
mount For stealing a silver spoon and
other small articles he was sentenced to
death, but on reaching the gallOws found
commitment which changed the sentence
to Imprisonment for life. While in
prison he made a record of slang and
flash terms to which little has since been
added. Finally escaping, he went back
to his oldest wife, in Maine, who had
borne him nine children, and devoted
himself to doctoring, clipping once or
twice, and writing his memoirs. The eX-
tracts read last night were rich speci-
mems OF the quaint cOnceit aud pOmpOsity
of this knight Of ssCals. II picture Of
the Continental Congress-" said the lee
turer, were to be suddenly transformed
before our eyes into a scene from the
Black Crook. the change would hardly he
greater than to turn from Washington's
Correspondence to the autobiography OF
Tufts. The autobiography is certainly
evidence that rural society at least was
degraded and vulgar in large part in New
England in the last century"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
Comprehending a seif-Evident Truth.

senator salisbury, who presided at the
Democratic ce.ebration at Washington on
an. s hoped tn every man who had used
his place Tor partisan purposes, and to keep
out the Democratic administration. would be
made to walk the plank as soon as possible
This Is tOlerably broad. 1t does not differ
appreclably from the doctrine Of Mr.. Hen
bricks, that all the raseals ought to be turned
out, and that all the Republicans are rascaIs.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
}Jropopalo ZUanffo.


UNITED STATES ENGINEER OFFICE.
ARMY BUILDHsG. NEW YORK. Jan. s. lSS5.
X EALED PROPOSALS, in Iriplicate. 20 be
- opened at O'Clock, noon, on the 2fth day
of January. lsS5 are invited for dredging on
the Bar al the entrance to Charleston Uarbor
s. G, IN Wappoo Cut, 5. c.. and in Ashley
river. s. &.
Proposals for each Of the several works viii
be separate, and the Endorsement on the en-
vel9pe must indicate the work for which the
proposal is offered. A bidder NAV uropose
Tor one or more of the works at his option.
Specifications, Instructions To bidders, and
blank forms for proposals may be OF tanned at
this office, or from CAPT THOs. y. BAILEY.
Corps Of Engineers, Charleston. 5. c.
Q. \. GILLMORE.
Colonel Of Enciceers. Bvt. Mai Gen. Z. 5. A.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
Uncle Medn's Curious Notion

LN3cIgO IFl0Nne IEsp.l
The people of Dskota may make up their
minds that II they wait fer a Democratic
Congress to pass an enabling act coaXiDg
them to come III they will not get in while
that party is in pow er. But if they proceed
with the practical work Of organizing a state
and demand admission into The Union as
matter Of right and insLlce they win succeel.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
CURRENT COMMENT,
Believes in WORK. not Faitb

D-ttcuIO LtFneS lINI.i
Gen. Logan evidently does not believe IN
prayer cure for ills Of a political nature, for.
instead Of spending Sunday in prayer. he
spent It in answering letters and receiving
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

The Democratic Editorial Association
OF Indiana has issued a circular ind0rs-
ing the course q the indianapolis Sentinel
in the late campaign. Blaine's only
chance for vin3ication now is a speedy
appeal 90 the War Department.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
win the Eartn GROW as Big as Jupiter?

win the Earth Grow AS Big as Jupiter?
The following letter was addressed to
the New York sun: The astronomical
saVantS tell US that in about i've million
years the sun will be reduced 10 one-half
its present volume, and, consequently,
our earth will be frozen up. So says Prof.
Nowcomb in his popular Astronomy"
and Mr.. q. ID. HiscOX repeats ii in a paper
read before the American Astronomical
Society, Jan :.
This predicted result is based on the
generally accepted hypothesis that all
worlds are cooling ana contracting from
an original state OF d5ry fuidity.
Now let me submit a problem to these
misguided savants:
The maximum thickness of the earth's
fossiliterous strata is - miles or more.
The lowest silurian rock uncovered by
later formations contains fossil animals
and plants which must have lived IN a
mild temperature. But it IS certain that
other silurian rocks, containing the same
species of animals and plants, are now
buried many miles deep under later de-
pOsits. Say it is only ten miles at the
lowest. Now, what IS the temperature
at that depth? About 1000 degrees
Fahrenheit.
So, then, we have this result: Those
pal30Zoic creatures which never could
have lived in d climate whose mean tenn
perature was much over 100 degrees are
now in their fossil state heated up to LOCO
| degrees. And this is your cooling world
This cooling hypothesis allows only
| $4,000, COO years for tie sun to contract to
TO its present size, and only 100000
years for past life on our planet Does
not every practical geolOgist know that life
must have existed here many times 49,
! 100000 Years? FOrty-eight million at least,
says Prof. Dana; 100000, says Sir
William Thompson; 200,00O,000, says
/ Haughton; thousands OF millions, say
/ others.
The Laplsce theory is a baseless as
/ sumption. There Is no proof that the sun
or the earth Is contracting. All worlds
are growing by meteOric accretion, and
! the only source of internal heat is the
pressure Of gravity. Not one-sixteenth Of
/ a degree of Fahrenheit radiates from the
melted core of our earth to its surface
/ When the earth has grown to the size Of
/ Jupiter it viii be red hot at the surface
/ like that planet, and when it attains the
size of our sun it will shine like the sun
| Our solar system has but one sun; others
have two, and some probably more.
W. IL. 3.
IIUShjD0fOU. Ian, 4.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

The Tennessee farmers demand a coed
dog law and legislation against spurious
butter. lti probable, however, that the
CANNES and Oleomargarine dealers viii
continue business as heretofore.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

Boston teatotalers get their water de-
liversd in their houses at the rate Of %
cents per 1000 gallons. Those who buy
It compounded with fusel oil have to pay
for it at the rate Of about 81 per gallon.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

is true of old coats. and mouths. When
the former shows the first defect take
"stitch.' and always keep the mouth right
bv using SOzODONT. IL costs less Tor a
new coat than a set OF teeth. False teeth
are not pleasant.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

some OF the New York papers are ex-
treme,y fond Of throwing "caestnuts" IT
oach -tn.r.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
Why There should be Changes.

Why There Should be Changes.
There are several reasons why there
should be a great many changes of
officials in the departments at Washing
ing, but there is one, and a very strong
one, which seems to have been generally
overlooked. 1t is this: It will be i'm
possible to make a thorough investiga-
ton Of the affairs Of the different depart
ments unless those in control of the
departments are in thorough sympathy
with the Democratic party and with the
administration.
There is a widespread belief that there
has been a good deal Of crOokedness in the
departments, particularly in the Treasury
and Interior Departments, since the Re-
publicans have had control Of the govern
meut.
1t would be interesting, for instance, to
know the character and extent Of the de-
faIcations since 1861; the prices received
for cold when gold was at premium; the
character of the operations Of the secret
service Of the Treasury; the disposition
OF the money received from sales Of seized
cotton: tie alleged discrepancy between
the amount of money in the Treasury and
the amount that ought t. be there, and
something about the method in allowing
and paying claims. These and many
other things the people want investigated.
VIII It be possible to investigate them if
Republicans are allowed to remain in the
principal positions, or even if minor
officials are depended or to get infOrma-
ton?
VIII not all of these Republican Off
Gals, while pretending to be very Jealous
in pointing out instances of croOkedness
and wrong-dOing, do what they can to
hide the record of their party? II wrong
was done they were the instruments used,
and a discovery of the wrongful acts
would therefore bring them into disre-
pute.
1t is plain that there can be no investi-
cations as long as Republicans remain in
charge OF all the sources OF information.
The good of the country requires that the
great majority Of them must 20.
Boston is Dragging on its female
cashiers. However fond they may oe Of
their glasses, not one of them has been
yet attacked by the Canada fever.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

There appears % be sort of variagated
epidemic among the Democratic members
Of the Illinois legislature, but Gen. Lo-
gan'5 prospect for reelection is by no
means good, l. IS TO DE hoped that ma
Iaria medicine IS nots scarce in Springfield.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

= stitch ii 80 - -.

For moderate gifts to bridemaids, single
pearl solitaire earrings and SIX pins to
match. in a little case. are fashionable.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

Whatever may Pee said against Gen.
Grant hels Infinitely the superior ii Gen.
sherman IN many important respects.
ing tL- r.sr. ana h- has never slandereJ.
OF tr.eit take % moan advantage of "a
falieT fa
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

a Ees-iuzlpH correspondent says tie
Bla.n- ..0 B. are talking as outrage0usiy
about ta- F.oll- lhuysen crowd as if there
Were M provisions for libel suits i'm the
Revised Statutes. Perhaps tnev viii Dc
reminded that ''those VINO live in glass
houses should not tar0T stones"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

The National Temperance Society is
doing good work among the negroes.
March 3 and have been set apart by the
authorities of the new "FlOrida Chau-
tauqua." at Lake De Funiak, for meet
ings under the auspices OF the society,
when addresses are expected from George
W. Balm. Gen. C. B. Fisk, Mrs. J. f. Eos
ter, Rev. c. II. Mead, J. \. Stearns and
oern~-
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
EX-NuNIsTER SANFORD.

Mr.. Sanford divided up his guests, so
they say, by q ribbon, keeping the real
upper ten together, and the goats, so to
speak. by themselves. BY this display of
diplomacy he represented this country at
the Belgian court, and no doubt is willing
to let lie fallow any further talents he
might possess for his country's good since
be has so much money. His orange groves
in Florida and possessions elsewhere have
given Dim a reputation for wealth, and
their winter home in this city is kept up
in q style that shows that they have been
abroad. and is just too beautifully idylIic
and perfect for anything under the sun.
Mrs. Sanford is the largest and talles5
lady here, is extremely handsome and
sses-Great Cesar! Well, she beats
them all. She wears a large fortune in
jewelry, and when dressed for a grand Oc-
casi0n has more gOrgeOusness distributed
over her than would do three ordinary
sized women.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

DOR RENT. nice fiat or single rooms. fur
Il nlshed or unfurnlshed; rent very moderate
to a desirable tenant. 81 Charlton street
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18
Cor Rrmt.

DOR RENT, two or three connecting rooms
II with kitchen and bath on same floor. An
ply at 10 BroughtOn street, next 10 Dr. n
mer's drug store.
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-01-18

DOR RENT, one nat unfinished: also. one
Il furnished room. Apply at $50 Abercorn
street.