The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1885-12-04
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"A Jamdica, L. l., woman lay three
days in n trance and was only awakened
by a neighboring woman trying to bor-
row some sugar flonlthe hired girl
"What IRE the last teeth that Gomez"
asked q teacher OF her class in physi-
,ology. False teeth num-" replied
boy who had just woke up on the back
seat.
'What was Elias when he was in the
wilderness z" Il dunno what he was
while he was III the desert, unless he
was deserter," replied the hopeful
pupil.
An Austrian professor claims to have
discovered that the soul is nothing more
nor less than the natural perfume of the
hair. That's Il little rough on bald
headed people.
Appro,. riate comment: Nurse (meet-
ing young and anxious husband at the
door)-" All is well and you are happy
"Twins." He" Gemini" .
Bill Nye knows M Indian squaw whose
name translated into or tongue means
The-switt- daughter ot-5he- prnirie-bliz-
gard TINT gathers tho -huckleberry on
the run and-don t-you-forget-it"
Afarmer complained that his hired boy
ate too much, whereupon the latter sob
bingly burst out "What are you alters
a pitchin' into poor boy for, cause
he's only tryin' to work his weigh up!'
"I would not" says the Rev. Sam
Jones, wipe my feet on the profess
sionnl baseball player Why should
Mr.. Jones' wipe his feee on ball player
when the umpire is there for that pur-
pose? 5'|ae
"He died willingly in the hope OF
salvation. You may think this refers
to a clergyman who had served God for
half q century, but it does not. It refers
to murderer who had chopped up his
wife
Tommy (whose father has the mumps)
-"Look. Bill, at pas jaws; amt they
swelled big?" Billy What's the mat
ter with him. Tom" Tommy" Jist
no matter at nh; he has only the mug
wumps i'll his jaw"
"What Won want" said the barber,
as he ran his fingers through the few
remaining hairs on the head of GUS
TONER" what you want is bottle of
my hair restorer.'' "What want, :"
replied the customer, lis divorce. +"
And the bnrber said no more.
Say, Darringer lave you heard of
BrOmley's last invention?" "No; I
didn't know he Ind any genius in that
way. What has he invented ?" 1T is
just wonderful. 1t is destined to make
complete revolution" "Sakes alive,
man, what is it ?" "A circular saw"
Nothing so chills the mind us mystery.
That's why 1t makes ii woman cold be-
hind the ears 70 discover last wears
market report under the lining of her
husbands overcoat. written in hand
so outrageously reckless that she can't
make out word of it.
"He's not what You call strictly hand
some, said he major, beaming through
his glasses on a homely baby that lay
bowling in his mothers arms, "but it's
the kind of face that grows on YOU"
'It's not the kind of face that ever grew
on you" was the indig,lant and unex-
pected reply of the maternal being.
81 w-wnnt two grains of q-quinine an
four o-ounces of w-whiskey." shivered o
man with malaria to the drug clerk,
san i'll take it n-now" Isn't that
rather small dose?" suggested the
clerk. "You seem to have it bad"
81 d-don't know but what it is. Make
it eight ounces of w-whiskey and I'll
run the risk"
Gentleman Ito grocery" Two gallons
Santa Cruz, one gallon Old Tom. two
gallons Maryland Club, four dozen Pom
merry Sec four dozen Milwaukee and
six dozen Reina Vics." Grocer" eyes,
sir: That all, sir?" Gentleman" Ell
do you keep fishing tackle ?" Grocer
-" Yes. sir; full line, sir?" Gentleman
-"Put III u couple of fish-hooks.''
1t was a case of breach of promise.
The defendant was allowed to say q
word in his own behalf eyes" he
said, II kissed her almost continually
every evening L called at her house. :"
Lawyer for the defendant: "Then you
confess it?" Defendant: eyes. I do
confess it; but had to do it." LAWYER:
"You had to do it? What do you
mean Defendant: ".That was the
only way L could keep her from sing
ing" The jury gave u verdict for de-
PENDANT WitlOut leayino their seats