St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-08-02
A wEATHER-BEATEN BUDGET.
Social Chatter and Pleasant Person
nIiIies of the Heated Term.

A WEATRER~B EATEN bODUHA 10
Social Chatter and Pleasant PERSON.
aIities of the Heated Term.
This unpleasantness which is apparent
between the earth and the whole of the
other clements of creation combined has,
during the past week, worked up to rather
uncomfortable pitch. 1t commenced with a
slight GOODNESS, AZ obelow, about last Christ
mas but Thursday it worked itself up to
red-hot anger, "a . in the shade. Now If
the air, the wind and the water expect to
excite old mother earth, they are mistaken.
OF course, we mortals suffer some incon-
yenience from this war of the elements, for
it takes the dignity out of us and the starch
out of our linen. We weep all over, and
we shake with fear as the lightning splits at
us with forked tongues, as the wind busters
and shoots frozen bullets, as the air ScorcheS
with fiery breath and as the water pours
upon us in delugeS, or heaVeS III angry
waves. but good old earth INDUCES only IN
q frown, while her assailantS have their
dander up and then comes out as smiling as
ever In few minutes after the nerce at
tack has ceased her sweet equanmlty Is re-
stored and she is ready for another round.
The damages she suffers are but scratches.
and are quickly healed, but we who stand
between must protest, for these family rows
are becoming too frequent. Laundry, lem
onade and Jamaica ginger bills are getting
too big. and our sweet dispositions are III
danger of souring. OF course we shall stick
by the earth as long as we can, but
there is a limit to human endurance,
and if we are to be made witness OF and
sufferers from these violent displays OF tenn
per almost daily, as we have for the past
week, we shall really have to sell out and
move to Minneapolis, where lightning never
strikes, where the gales (?) never blow,
where water, except for milling purposes,
Is an unknown quantity and GOODNESS is
always to be found. In fact we shall have
TO move quite out of the world.
%x*
OCol. Allen. of the Merchants, is of
nervous, Emphatic temperament as every
body knows. He is never awed by big
events but little things are apt to rather I'M
hinge his equanimity. 1t is related that
Dne season, when Mrs. Col. Allen was visit
Ing at Hot Springs, Ark, the colonel took
trip down to accompany her home. The
change from the bracing air of Minnesota
to the heated atmosphere of a Southern
state quite overcame him and on arriving at
his WifeS apartment at the hotel he was
suffering greatly. Throwing off coat, vest
and collar he seized big fan and tried TO
get.coOl as he answered Mrs. Aliens nu-
merous questions. Soon the lady went to
a small stand at the side of the room and,
lifting an empty water pitcher, exclaimed:
''Why, where can my arsenic water have
gomez" The colonel sprang to hist cry
ing: ''W-w-whats that? Ar-ar-ar-
senic water? Good gr-gr-gracious! 1
drank it all! Se-s-send for a d-d-doc-
tor and a st-st-stomach pump! I'm
4 An-.,fw Il 4
quite a commotiOn enSued, and the plucky
coIoners terrible pains did not abate until
he was thoroughly convinced that the spring
from which the water was taken contained
less than grain OF the deadly drug to the
hCgsheadful.
~
Speaking of the Hot Springs reminds me Of
q joke that was played on most eStimable
st. Paul lady there. As she is still ignorant
of fine trick, I cannot give her name. 1t is
the custom with visitors to that sanitarium
to carry away with them a quantity of eggs
cooked in a famous boiling spring. The
lady referred to desired to bring some to her
st. Paul friends, and requested Col. jim
Goodhue to take two dozen eggs to the
spring and have them boiled for her. Of
course James consented, for he is very
gallant. but as the kitchen was much nearer
lltdll INC SlJl4liS
a cook with two shillings to cook them over
the range. The job was thoroughly done
and the lady was very grateful. The eggs
were carefully inscribed, dated and packed
tenderly away, and they are now in the
possession of grateful friends, who esteem
them highly. Jim saws: ''Well, they're
just as good billed one way as another, who
knows the ditIerence?"
~
The wife of enc of the members of the
Jobbers' union, now on a trip on the North
ern Pacific railroad, was greatly surprised
last Thursday morning when the mail car
rier handed her seven postal cards, all from
her absent spouse. They were dated from
places from Fargo to Billings and back, and
commenced with July % and ended with
Aug. 3. Each contained few words about
the delightful trip, and the country where
the party was to be on the scheduled date.
He had promised to send a postal home
every day, and had evidently prepared the
whole batch in advance, fearing that the
motion of the cars would cause his hand to
tremble to such degree as to prevent his
writing. How he made the unfortunate
mistake of mailing all at Fargo remains t.
be explained. However, his wife got news
of the trip by a special correspondent in adj
vance Of all the daily papers,
~
A nice young man about town, who
wears good clothes, visited a tailor a few
days since and ordered pair of pants Civ
ing directions to have two pockets behind
Imagine his disgust when the accommo
dating cutter quietly asked him, for quart:
vi pints.'"
There are lots Of nice people looking fo
some novel way of enjoying the heated
term. They tire OF the small lakes. and ;
trip by railroad is too tedious and mOnOt o
nous. What shall they do? Now one o.
the most brilliant minds among the youns
men of the city has solved the problem
Lake Superior belongs to Minnesota a
much as to any other state and more than
TO many, 50 he proposes an excursion from
Duluth to Buffalo and return Oh one Of the
splendid boats OF the Transit company. l
is proposed to have at least twenty-fOur il
the party, all congenial people, and make
merry time 10: a fortnight with music
dancing. social pastimes and sightseeing
More than half of the party has been sc
cured and grand social event is expected
-
Merry Mike Roach. perhaps the hand
soonest newspaper man of 81. Paul, wen
down East some time since. and after leav
mg Chicago Ia & sleeper he noticed he wa
the subject OF much rather oniciOus atten
zion from both the porter and conductor
If he moved from his seat. one of them wa
always near him. and at meal times he al
ways found one of them opposite him o
close at hand. lie never got off at station
10 take a breath of air without having
se!fclected comTade. The attention wa
at first rather pleasant and fiattering, bu
before Pittsburg was reached it becam
irksome. He has never been able to &C