The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-07-26
BROTHER GARDNER IN JAIL.
The HOnOred President of the Lime-Kiln
Club Placed Under Arrest.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit rec IrtSS.
AS the members began to fill the chairs and
benches in Paradise Hall, and the hand of the
clock crept along toward the usual hour for open
ing, there was much wonder and speculation over
the absence of Brother Gardner. 1t was noticed
that Sir Isaac Walpole, Elder Toots and Judge
Cadaver were in close and earnest consultation,
and when the triangle finally sounded its note of
warning there was an underlined fear that some
thing was about to happen-something not down
on the usual programme.
MY frens, said Brother Walpole, as n solid
hush fell upon the ~assemblage, 'our beloved
president left fur de western part of dc Stait
two days ago to deliber a lecktur befo' "A body
named De Association fur de Suppreshun of
Corrupt Legislators He departed in response
to a telegram, an he left in such a hurry dat he
took muffin wild him, except a pocket comb an a
change of paper collahs. He 'spected to return
in about twenty-four hours, but he am still alb
sent, and no word or line has bin received from
him. We will open de exercises by singing a
song constructed and finished off entirely by
hand by de Hon. Castoff Jinkins, of Varginny,"
The song began as follows:
Oh! de blessed watermellyun sezun,
Has arriv!
An de only very speshul rezun
Why we lv
Am to eat! eat! eatl
An to yum! YUM yumi
Oh. bless de watermellyun!
The keeper of the outer door announced a
communication and sent it up to the presidents
desk. Sir Isaac Walpole was visibly affected as
liz pSI uSCu II, dnl II lie GACIbtIItuJ no
lost one of the eyes to his spectacles and knocked
a bottle of ink off the desk full upon the secre~
tary's bald pate.
My frens," said Sir Isaac, as soon as he could
control his voice and stand on his legs, dis
message explains the mysterious absence of our
president. Listen while | read:
EST. JOSEPH, Mich III the County Jail.
'sMy Dear Brethren;
AT the close of my lecture las mite I was
arrested on de charge of havin' received a bride
to infiooence my o1fishul ackshuns. Dey have
taken me fur a member of de Legislachur, an
| am charged with havin' received do
sum of $500 for my vote on a land grant
bill to a sartin railroad, While it am Of course
a case of mistaken identity, an while I
shall eventually emerge from dis cell winter
dan cutloaf sugar, popular indignashun has
SO blinded de public dat you may not see
me home for several days-perhaps a week.
Some of you go ober an see de old woman an
lend her a few shillins to run do house on until
my return, an some mo- of you be prepaid to
take a freight train fur dis place upon receipt of
postal keerd. | shall hev TO be identified, an
shall hev to prove dat | haven't bin widin fftv
miles of de house of representatives duriu' de
presen seShum. Let Sir Isaac Walpole be
called to de chr, and let de meetin' 90 on same
as if de dishonesty Of high public ofishuls had
not brought dis calamity upon us.
BRO. GARDNER.
All was uproar and confusion at one. Givea.
dam Jones called for 800, 900 volunteers, armed
with 500, 600 bone-handled razors, to follow him
to the rescue, and to shed 100, 900 gallons Of blood
to wipe out the insult.
Shindig Watkins said he was ready to lay
down his life, if necessary, aud his words were
echoed by Judge Cadaver, Cohorts Perkins,
Trustee Pullback, and fifty others, and the en-
ragged mob glared around for d victim.
Sir Isaac spoke soothingly. 1t was a mistake
which had often happened before. 1t had often
been remarked that brother Gardner looked
like a member of the Legislature, and the people
who caused his arrest would willingly apologize
as soon as their victim was properly identified.
AS for the routine business of the meeting, it
had all been upset, and he thought the wisest
policy was to adjourn.
This decision was concurred in by the Rev.
Penstock, Waydown Beebe, and otherlnhuentlal
members, and the motion to adjourn was carried.
The hall then became the headquarters OF such
an excitement that the police several times
raped on the alleydoor and threatened arbitrary
measures. 1t was finally decided by the mem
bers of the club:
l. To raise $40 and employ a lawyer who can
cry to a jury.
.. To forward a committee of five members
by the first Blue-line freight train.
3. To demand full satisfaction for the insult,
and to accept nothing less than S., 900 damages.
4. To take SAID 81, 900 damages and erect a
new Paradise Hall.