The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-23

Tread some thingsin the newspapers
that surprise me; not because they are
so wonderful, but because the people
who write and print them seem TO think
they are telling the people something
wonderful. Now here is little thing
Cincinnati paper publishes about the
way Stratford-upon-Avon presented the
freedom" of the town to Gen. Grant.
The paper says it was presented to him
m scroll OF parchment, inclosed In
box of the Shakespeare mulberry tree,
exquisitely carved INTO leaves and ber-
ries of the tree.
That's nothing. I've known instances
where the freedom" of town was
presented to man on a rail from big
hickory or maplewood tree, and moth
ing Thought of it.
read a story of Dickens cat the
other day that Disguised me. 1t was
his pet cat-a deaf cat-and, being alone
with the great author one night when
he was reading deeply interested in
his book-the candle went out. He Lit
it again-the room was growing dark
again, when he spied the cat in the act
of putting out the candle with his paw.
Then the great author felt sorry; he
put down his book and petted his pet
cat.
Now what sort of story is
that to publish? In the first
place, Dickens always wrote books
he didn't read books. In the
second place he wasn't the sort of man
to submit to Interruptions like that. If
a cat had disturbed him, he would have
picked it up and flung it across at least
three house-tops. But the man that
got that story up, and blamed it on
Dickens daughter, don't know the first
thing about cats, or he would never
make deaf or dumb or blind cat put
its paw on red coal, or in fire. If he
knows anything about cats, he wouldn't
allow his cat to put its paw in wet water,
let alone dab it in grease.
A newspaper thought it was getting
up good item about "first-class hog"
because it told how little boy of
twelve fed hog that weighed LOGO
pounds. Call that a frst-class hog
story? It isn't fifth class. That editor
don't know what hog really is. 1
know first-class hog. He is very rich,
basket, he pushes poor, thin-clad wom-
en- aside, talks in q loud voice, gets
the prime cut of beef, monopolizes the
shopkeeper's time, and breaches SER
mon on lowly behavior and meekness
every Sunday. He is glued to his seat
in the horse-cars when ladies and
children look vainly for seat, has him
self invited to banquets, and gorges him
self until he has to let his buttons out.
He helps himself to the choice bits at his
table, makes noise eating like single
machine or a horse drinking, and
in cold weather occupies half the space
near the open fire. He expends more
on his stomach than his wife or daugh-
ter do on theiY dresses, pinches his
daughters with his meanness until they
marry for homes, and when his wife
dies her friends will have to hunt up
the sexton to help them to find her
grave.
About the most tiresome thing see
in the newspapers is the piece sold In
job-lots called the Business Outlook"
All the papers have it. Some of them
put it in once a month or oftener. I'll
bet cigar against an apple-core that
the men that buy this and publish it in
their papers don't know enough to
look out of their own windows. I'll
bet there's not one of them has clean
windows to look out Of I'll bet five
dollars to pair of fourteen-c cent rub
bers they all sit in rooms so dark and
smoky you can't tell a white man from
a man and brother in them. I'll bet
not one of them ever tackled bust
ness outlook. They couldn't sell a
bundle of lath if the lumber market
was skinned as bare as my hand. They
couldn't get a good margin in a "dicker"
if the chance was pried open with a
cant-hook.
These newspaper men must scratch
round lively to think up funny piece.
If any one does find anything with "nub"
IN it, all the rest grab for it like young
turkeys reaching out for tender grass
You see that same piece in forty pa
pers. That shows how hard up they
are.-Chicago Ledger.