Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1885-09-10

irs . oase-oan mustacne. ..whars
that Dine q .s(dss" .'Ofcozsse not;
that's old. what Z Il, thenF'
..Why. three out all out"-Mrschont
Trersiss T. aaaa > tssf:
9fhs 1otd .ranchs men. Goa
deal in the Far West An Eastern
clergyman who Is spending the winter
In Santa Barbara, Cal, writes Of lit
sle boy 4 years old in that lovely valley
who NAs Overheard 10 pray thst when
he died the Lord would take HIM 10 bis
ranch.-N 7. Ledger.
i Civil Service Examiner Ito cohred :
applicant for the situation n Letter co.,
|lrier) sState the distance from Lon
hon. Eagland. to Calcutts. India VIA
the Suez Canal" Colored Applicant
Essay, boss. ef yo'se gwine ter put me
on dat route. you can disremove my
'applicashun often de book"
1t is said that bees will never sting a
person whose head Is rsmeared with
!molasses. The bother OF it is. that
when man has incurred the animosi-
Ity Of colony Of bees he doesn't have
much time to 90 home, get some mo
lasses, and spread it on his epidermis.
The old-fashioned way is the best-iust
Irun.-Barlington Free Press.
When was at Washington / said 10
the engineer of the little building at
/ the foot Of the monument: "You have
q mighty tall chimney for such a small
factory" He silently chalked mark
on the board wall behind him. "What's
that forP''' inquired. "You are the
10th person who made that remark"
was his answer.-Detroa Free Press.
Most people go up stairs in a heath
enish fashion, striking their soles
against the steps as harshly as possible.
wearing out their leather prematurely
and making a disagreeable noise. Some
run, up, taking two stops at o time, and
others always fall two or three times.
Going up stairs should be one of the
slowest and most deliberate acts of
mans life. TT
"Buckle my shoe, Egbert, dean"
said Chicago belle to her near-sight-
ed fianeee. Egbert went down on his
knee like true knight, but as hehad
lost his eye-glass, his vision was little
uncertain. s.Is this your foot, dar-
lingp" he inquired. "You bet," she
said. saw, pawdon, II thought it
was the lounge" Egbert is now dis
engaged.-Tegas Sytings.
A New York physician reports case
of wallpaper. poisoning the persons
who slept in the papered room having
contracted 'catarrh, pharyngitis, mi
graine, conjunctivitics, muscular pains,
and swelling of the salivary glands"
It must have made 'em sick; but they
are lucky that the wallpaper didn't
also give them ingrowing nails, bun
ions, and strabismus. ~ Norristoeoa
Herald
Father" said a young son Of Dea-
con Squibbs, "whatis the difference be-
tween man that dies wooden lambs
| and New York editorp" swell now,
really, my son." beaming benignly on
his offspring; Il am not prepared 30
state. What is the differenceP'' "Why,
pa, one is lamb dyer, and the other q
-" what! what! my son!'' "New
York editor" continued the youth
rolling his tongue around in his cheek.
Mrs. LaHgtry is said to have intp-
duoed the song, go to Sleep, My Ba-
by" in her performance Of Lady Tea
zle. The innovation seems to have
proved popular with London audiences,
so we may soon expect Romeo to war
BILE "Over the Garden Wall' to his Ju-
liet, and the Ghost of Hamlet's father
will close his.remarks to his son with
the effective little ballad, "See That My
Graves Kept Green"
The ancient Egyptians were pecu-
liar people. When fire broke out
they cared for nothing but the safety Of
their cats and were terribly afflicted
if one of them fell victim to the
flames. A dozen cats might howl
"Sweet Violets" and other gems Of
song in backyard until O.. m. and
not single bootjack or shaving-ctp
would be found in the enclosure the
next day.-Norristoa0n Herald.
Dog parties are quite the fashion at
present. The bellies of upper tendon
meet at each others houses, bringing
their little favorites with them. The
conversation on such occasions is most
instructive. "Dear, dear!'' exclaimed
charming blonde at one Of these in
tellectual gatherings the other day,
"what horrid little doggie mine isr'
.What has he donep' ''Why he has
eaten up the pretty little sealskStl
sacque had made him for this WIN
ter. = Chorus Of fair ones, "The bad,
bad doggie!'