Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1885-11-29
He Was Well Acquainted with Cider.
Detroit Free Press

An old farmer from Wayback conn
ty who was brought before the court
for breaking the peace in a prohibition
county told the following pathetic
story
You see, jedge, the whole trouble
come of my drinkin' some of that new
tangled Temperance cider, which | amt
used to, and which | don't believe I'd
ever get used to afore the horn toots
for the general Judgment.
IL war born and bred on a farm,
ledge, an I've know ed applejuice since
| war knee-high TO a grasshopper. I've
tampcred with cider when it war sweet
and I've tempered with it when it war
hard I've drunk it jest from the press,
and I've drunk it when it carried a
good, stiff bead I've laid across a
barrel under the wagon-shed and suck
ed it through rye-straw from the
bung-hole when it war just gilt-edged
an I've swigged it when it war ez hard
e. an iron wedge an sour 'nOugh to
make a man cross-eyed for life; but,
ledge. upon my sacred word, | never
had no cider to unnerge me like that
they sell in this here town. ledge, 1t
can't be the cider of long ago; it CAM
he the cider of my boyhood's happy
days.
"You see, jedge, | druv inter town
with load of sweet pertaters, an after
I'd sold out jest thought eS they don't
sell anything stronger'n cider in this
temperance town, I'd try little Of the
good old drink of me youth. An,
ledge, tried it.
There war a crowd Of old friends
about the tavern, an | asked 'em up to
the apple juice, an then somebody sed
Come up agin; an then another sed !:
Fill 'em up at my expense an still
another said Have one with me afore
you CO. an that's just the way it hap
pened.
Somehow. jedge, it didn't taste
like the cider war brought up on, but
the bottle had cider printed onto it
in gold letters, an they sed it war
cider, an es long es the flavor of it war
agreeable warn't curious about it. |
only took five drinks, jedge, only five
common tumblers full, an then | begun
to feel sort Of queer, jedge.
- never had no cider to make me
feel that way afore. war furst weak
es a newborn calf, an then | war es
strong es ole Samson afore his head war
shaved. | thought | could lift the
tavern, an | think | tried to. My
minds not clear, jedge, but they say |
made sort of hubbub. They
say | throwed man over the
bar an broke big lookin'-
glass with him, an scattered the
whole congregation, an went howlin'
down the main street, askin' for man
of my strength, an at last walked
plumb through show-winder that they
sed cost $50. Then | was taken away
to the prison-cell. / disremember al
the particulars, ledge, but l suspect
that all they say about me is too true.
| think | war drunk, Jedge-I am
Almost certain sure l war drunk
an the new-fangled temperance cider
they sell in this here town is to blame
fur it all.
81 can drink almost anything with
impunerty an little sugar, Jedge, an
STAN up under it es straight es the
steeple of a meetin' house. kin drink
peach-brandy, an applejack, an plain,
humble old corn-juice half day. with
the usool intermissions, an still be a
pesceable, law.abidin' citizen, but thi:
here Temperance cider is too much ful
the old man. Make it easy on me, fuI
I'm done with temperance drinks jest
es long es | lives, Jedge."
And the Judge, who is very we'll ac
quainted with the ways of the towr
cider in wayback county, made it very
easy on the old man.