davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
An IncnrAhle Patient.

A renowned physician one day received
the visit Of a stranger we'll dressed and
choice in his language, but looking very
depressed He complained that he was
subject to an aiIment against which all
remedies proved powcrless
How do you feell'' inquired the doc
tor.
II feel very melancholy
Melancholy often arises from blight
cd hopes
THAT is not my case, F." answered the
patient.
From disappointments in love, con
tinued the doctor
The patient shook his head, adding, m
Lam dreadfully duh and low spirited. y
In that case you should order the best
vino procurable, and use it in modera
ton.
doctor, l have the best wines in my
cellar; they won't avail against my com
plant.
Then you should travel
II have visited every country in Flu
rope all in vain, this depression follows
me wherever | GO.
Diantre, is a very serious case. You
must go and hear some good music.
Il hear 1t every day it makes no differ
ence; and my complaint grows worse at
night
Then, there is only one remedy can
think Of You must 90 to the theatre
and hear the famous singer Velutti, whose
rollicking fun and bumor are irresistible "
"Alas " said the poor patient, I am
Nelutti
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
A chinese New Year.

In China they have a week Of .no. l.loSr
at their New Year, Just as we do pelw 81.
the twenty fifth Of December ana 'iiJ 10
Of January. In the cities they mar.
fine display of fireworks, but some Oh lnt
Chinese people in Santa Barbara are NV
rich. SO there were no fireworks eNGeP'
crackers. but there were barrels anu oei
rels of these. and the Chinese boss uo
not fire off crackers on their New Year !
Day as American boys do, cracker a. :
time. or one package at a time Iue5
bring out d large box full and fire then
off. package after package, as fast as the y
can, till the air IS full~of smoke as Il
there were fire. and the ground IS GOV
cred with red, half-burned ends -.
Long before we reached the part OF the
town whore most of the Chinese live We
heard the noise Of the crackers gong on,
but the Chinese did not seem to nina II
at all. They were hopping about in the
smoke, pouring the crackers out on 'he
ground. box after box, barrel after par
rel. You could not see their faces clearly
for the smoke. Groups Of American boys
TODD as near as they dared, looking on;
Vow and then one would dart in ana
match up one cracker or a string Of them,
which had not gone off. | thought the
American boys had rs much fun out u
IS the Chinese.
Every Chinese family keeps open house
IN New Years Day They set up a pct
IRE or an image Of their god in some
prominent place, and on table in front
IF this they put feast Of good things to
olt. Some are for an offering to the god,
and some are for friends who call
II was amusing to watch the American
boys darting about from shop to shop and
house to house, coming out with their
hands fill of queer Chinese things to eat,
~Howing them TO each other and Compar-
ing notes.
"Oh, let me taste that w one boy would
NcIam, on seeing some new thing.
Where did you get it, Which house
gives that ~ And the whole party would
rush of to make descent on that house,
md get some more.
thought it wonderfully hospitable on
;hc part Of the Chinese people to let all
these American boys run in and out Of
their houses in that way, aud help them
elves from the New Years feast Some
# the boys were very rude and ill-man
u4cd little better than street beggars
bnt the Chinese were polite and generous
ta ALL
In some Of the stores there were men
playing a game which has been played
ndor different names all over the world
1t consists simply in one man holding out
his hand with part Of his fingers closed
and part open. and his antagonist calling
out instantly how many Of his fingers are
open One would think nothing could
he easier than this but when the move
ments are made rapidly it is next to im
possible to call out the number quickly
without making mistake For every
mistake aaine Of some sort is to be paid
These Chinese men played it with such a
.ehenenre that the perspiration stood on
heir forehcads. and their shri crying
out Of the numbers sounded Ike un
broken sentences. They rested their ell
bows on the table and with every open
ng Of the fingers thrust the forearm for
ward to its full length, 50 there was VIC
lent exercise in it,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
nins.

One is the kind That appears best
abroad the girls that are good for par.
ties. rides. visits, balls, SC, and whose
chief delight is in such things. The
other is the Sind that appears best az
homc-thc girls that are Useful ana
cheerful in the dining sick
room and all the precincts Of home.
They diner widely m churactet. One is
often % torment at home, the Jther
blessing. one is q moth consuming every
thing about her. The other is a sunbea1i
inspiring light and eladncss all around
her pathway. 10 vhich Of these classes
N. .---.t -I..Iut,u.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
Mothers.
If you are failing; broken, worn out and ner
vons. use .'Wells' Health Remover. 81, Drgst.
Yonna Men. -Read This.

TIE VoLTno BELT Co, of Marshall,
Mich, offer to send their celebrated ELEo-
TRo-Vo1rAIC BELT and other ELECTRIC AP-
PLIANoEs on trial for thirty days, to men
young or old afflicted with nervous debil
ity, loss of vitality and manhood, and all
kindred troubles. Also for rheumatism,
neuralgia, paralysis, and many other dis
eases. Complete restoration to health, vlgor
and manhood guaranteed. No risk Is incur
red IS thirty days trial is allowed. Write
them at once for illustrated pamphlet free.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

expressaee and Is carriage hire and stop at the Grand
Union Hotel opposite Graad Central Depot -,,,,,-
eU elegant rooms ttod up at cost OF one fnllie9I
dollar al and inward per day European plan. Ele
vator Restaurant supplied with the best Horse cars
stages and elevated railroad to al depots sannlss
hotel than ct any other rst-elass hotel IN the city
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
"Ronah on Pain
Cures collie, cramps, diarrhea; externally for
for aches pains, sprains Man or beast zOEtOc.

MENsMAN's PEPToNIzED BEEF TONIC, the only
preparation Object containngits entire nu,rl-
tlo1ts properties. II contains blood making
force generating and ife-sustaining properties;
invaluable for Indigestion, dyspepsia, nervous
prostration, and all forms of general debility;
also, in all enfeebled conditions, whether the
result of exhaustion, nervous prostration over
work or acute disease, particularly if resulting
from pulmonary complaints. CasweL, Hazard 8
Co, PropIietors, New York. Soldby druggists
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
"ROngh on Coughs.''

Ask for "Rough on Coughs for Coughs
Colds Sore Throat, Hoarseness. Troches
l5c LIQUID. 25c
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
A Modest Beggar.

bs1 lug modosty and honesty 81 japanese
n,s ssals are worthy the imitation Of their
ES,o,esslon all The world over To save
s ,'I'l'e,ves the trouble Of answering the
i,n , y medicants the shopkcepcrs Of
s 5al,i hang copper coins t6 strings on
ba W. Y front Of their shops. and when d
o Icy, come that way he takes one. only
oas lie mover abuses the merchants
&. .',osl'y ~ taking two or mere coins.
i, Il, " entering the shop to solicit a
amount than that hung ON the nail
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
Important.
when Won visit or l1aVs New Yoik city. save bag

A boy baby never comes a miss in we'll
regulated household.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
TO THE PUBLIC, GREETING

~ THE PUBLIC, GREETING
boards Of Heal tn are now everywhere cor
TSetlhe the feul IS of sewerage and advising
-" people how to prevent future ept demt cs.
But other precautions are necessary, wi tn
Out whi ch no amount Of San1tatto can avail.
~ Aoeh says that cholera has but little
s"ahce among those who keep the digestive
organs and the liver, skin and kidneys (the
sewers Of the body) in heal lful operation.
Warner 6 SAFE Remedies are the best scten-
Tile Curatives and Preventives, and we cannot
too mueh empAa51z &c the impor tance of using them
now as safeguard against any future scourge
Much Of the common al lments ere caused, not
Primarily by bad blood but by IMPAIRED LIVER
AND KIDNEYS, This resul is n blood corruption
and injury to the entire sys ten. Remove thts
impaired action and most ordinary al lments Will
disappear. Other practitioners have held that
extreme liver and kidney disorders incur
able We, however, by the severest tests, have
unanswerably proved the contrary. P1 ease note:
FIRST. WE DO NOT CURE EVERY KNOWN DISEASE
FROM ONE BOTTLE. Warner s Safe Remedies are
specifics, hich have been euccese1ve1y put
upon the market ONLY III OBEDIENCE TO STRONG
PUBLIC DEMAND. These remedies are: Warmers
SAFE Cure, for kidney, liver, b adder and blood
disorders, General debility, Impotenoy,
gravel female trre9u1 ar1 ties Warner g Safe
Diabetes Cure, for Di abetes-the only known
specific Warner Safe Rheuma tic Cure for
Rheuma I'll SIN, Neural g1a; Warner Safe Pills for
constipation, d1arrhoea, b1l1ouenese; Warner 8
Safe NerVine for nervous disorders; Warner
Safe Throat1ne for AS TINA catarrhi Warner
T1ppecanoe for all stomach arrangements
SECOND, Warner g Safe Remedies, spite Of
al opposition, have won the victory and are
everywhere recognized as leading STANDARDS
THIRD. After six years of unequal ed exper-
fence, We give these unqualified guarantees:
GUARANTEE I THAT Warner 8 Safe Remedies
are pure, harml ess, effective.
GUARANTEE II. That the Testimonials used
byue, SO far as We know are bona fide,
wi tn a forfeit Of $4,000 for proof to
the contrary.
GUARANTEE III. That Warner Safe Remed1 es
are NOT MERELY TEMPORARY, BUT PERMANENT,
IN THEIR CURATIVE EFFECTS AND WILL SUS-
TAIN EVERY CLAIM, IF USED SUFFICIENTLY
AND PRECISELY AS DIRECTED.
rN1pTu al 1poui nv amooo hOndreds of
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

perfume dealer, though anidiot, is bound
TO be man of scents.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

FOURTH. Especial inquiry among hundreds of
our Oldest patients results in unequ1vocal
ties tmony that the cures wrought six, five,
most of these Patients were pronounced INCURA.
BILE when they began Warner Safe Remedies
Read few of Thousands Of examples
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09


is frequently the exclamation of ono lady to
another The fact is not pleasant one t.
have mention, but still the act may be q
kindly one, for it sets the one addressed TO
thinking apprises her Of the fact that she Is
not in good health, and leads her TO seek
a reason therefor Pallor is almost always
attendant upon the first stages of consump
ton. The system is enfeebled and the blood
is impoverished DR.. Pierce's 6 Jlden Medi
cal Discovery" will act as a tonic upon the
system, will enrich the Impoverished blood
and restore roses TO the cheek
No man can cheat God without defrauding
himself.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

tHrDG-!tnes.
The gray and bald no more shall grleye,
The signs of coming age,
For Caroline can both retrieve
And fullest griefs assuage
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

Carlo lines

wells Health Remover restores health and
vigor, cures dyspepsia, sexual debility 81
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
FAC-SIMILE OF rypE.wnlIER LETfFn1

stolen Breakfast Paached eggs
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

If you have catarrh. use the surest remedy
DR. Sage's.
The little god of Love is an arrow minded
Follow
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09

why don't you buv NJ, i,
ready-made ? What. t5 ,g snIF's
Wearing your eyes out oyc r'f 6 o.
needle work, and breaEina0 ~. IN.
back trying to save a FIJI c! YOU, &,
| don't see the sayin of IL MI,
you can buy shirts now-a,d.,
tor very little more than the @.
OF material /. Look at his hr
MoND I've just bought &. .,''
Maria | am going to buy i ds sly
more right away. - 'o.'4
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-09
Love Her Rel,er Thnn Life. :.

No man can cheat God without defraudine
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-07-23
Gen. Grants Estimate.

Everything from the pen or lips OF
the dying hero at Mt. McGregOr is
read with interest. During the recent
visit of General Simon Buckner of the
Confederate army to General Grant,
the latter wrote on slip of paper,
which he handed to his friend, as fol-
lows:
| have witnessed since my sickness
Just what | wished to see ever since
the war-harmOny and good feeling
between the sections. | have always
conteDded that if there had been no
body left but the soldiers we could
have had peace in year, and - and
- are the only two that | know of
who do not seem to be satisfied on the
Southern side. We have some on ours
who failed to accomplish as much as
they wished, or who did not get warm
ed up to the fight until it was all over,
who have not had quite full satisfac-
ton. The great majority, too, of those
who did not go into the war have long
since grown tired of the long cOntrO-
versy. We may now well look for
ward to a perpetual peace at home and
Il national strength that will screen us
against any foreign complications. ]
believe myself that the war was worth
all it cost us, fearful as that was.
Since it was over / have visited every
state in Europe and number i'll the
East. | know, as | did not know be-
fore, the value of our inheritance.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-07-23
Mark Twain's Pension.
A Characteristic Note from Mark.

On the 18th of June Gen. Black adj
dressed the following letter to Samuel
Clements, Elma, n. Y, a pension APP
plicant:
Replying to your inquiry relative
. 10 your pension claim, certificate No.
ss9I $50, 1T is proper to state that SO
much therein as is based on rheuma-
tism, piles aud sore eyes was rejected
May %, 1885, on the ground that there
has been no pensiOnabie disability
therefrOm since June 20, 1884, the date
the claim therefor was filed"
Clements claim was being looked
after by Senator Hawley, and Mrs.
Hawley attends to all her husbands
pension office business. She sent Glenn
ents the following postal card ::
al am informed that your pension is
allowed, and congratulate you. Very
truly,
JOSEPH r. HAwLEY,
per Fl. w. Hawley."
Instead of going to Samuel Clements,
Elma, it went to Samuel l.. Clemens,
Elmira, n. Y, and that gentleman re-
piled as follows:
ELMIRA, n. Y, July 3, 1885.
John &. Black, Commissioner-Dea
Sir: | have not applied for pension.
| have often wanted pension-often-
ever so Often--I may say, but, mas
much as the only military service /
performed during the war was in the
confederate army, have always felt
"A delicacy about asking you for it,.
However, since you have suggested
the thing yourself, feel strengthened.
haven't any very pensiOnable dis
eases myself, but | can furnish sub
stitute--a man who is Just simply a
chaos, q museum of all the different
kinds of aches and pains, fractures,
dislOcatious and malformations there
are F.; ii man who wOnld regard "rheu-
matism, piles and sore eyes" as mere
recreation and refreshment after the
serious occupations of his day. If you
grant me the pension, dear sir, please
hand it to Gen. Hawley, United States
SENATOR mean, hand him the certif-
cate, not the mOney-and he will for
ward it to me. You will observe by
his postal card, which | inclOse, that
he takes a friendly interest in the mat
ter. He thinks I've already got the
pension, whereas Pve only got the
rheumatism but didn't want that |
had that before. | wish it were catch
ing. | know IL man that | would load
up with it pretty early. Lord, but we
all feel that way sometimes. I've seen
the day when but never mind that :;
you may be busy just hand it to Haw-
ley the certificate, you understand,
if not transferable. Very truly yours,
S. l.. CLEMENS,
Known to the police as "Mark Twain"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-07-23
The Story of Floyd Ireson.

We have all read WhittieT's story of
skipper Ireson, who is represented as
DESERVING a shipwrecked crew, and be
ing tarred and feathered and then
driven through the streets of Marble
head for his inhumanity. The facts
are, that us IresOn's schooner, the
Betty, was on her way home from the
fishing banks in a storm, she passed
the schooner Active off Cape Cod in "a
sinking condition. Ireson called his
crew together and consulted with them
as to what should be done They all
declared that it was madness to risk
their own lives in an attempt to- rescue
the crew of the Active. Ireson then
wanted them to lie by the wreck for
the night, and then try and save them,
but the crew demurred, and compelled
him to make all sail for home. When
they reached Marblehead, fearing the
indignation of their brave neighhOrs,
they agreed to place all the blame up
on the skipper, and the story was be-
iieved.
Ireson, however, after he had been
tarred and feathered and ridden
through the town and back again, said
to the men aud boys, "You will live
TO regret all this" aud they did--fOr
the true story came out at last, and it
is pity the poet Whittier did not
know what the true was ere his grace
full pen put in shape the wicked lie as
1T was told by the cOwardly crew of the
Betty Rev. G.. .. Shinn.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-07-23
Gen. Grants Preface to His Book

s.Man proposes and God disposes.'
| There are but few important events in
the affairs of men brought about by
| their own choice. Although frequent
| IL urged by friends to write my me-
moirs, had determined never to do so,
nor to write anything for publication.
AT the age of nearly 62 received an
injury from fall which confined me
closely TO the house, while it did not
apparently affect my general health.
Shortly after, the rascality of a busi-
ness partner developed itself by the
announcement of failure. This was
followed soon after by universal de-
preston of all securities, which seem
ed to threaten the extinction of good
part of the income still retained, and
for Which am indebted to the kindly
act of friends. AT this juncture the
editor of the Century magazine asked
me TO write IL few articles for him. 1
consented, for the money it gave me,
for at that moment / was living upon
borrowed money. The work found
cOngenial, and I determined to con-
time. The event is an important one
for me, for good or evil. L hope for
the former.
public | have entered upon the task
with the sincere desire to avoid do
ing injustice to any one, whether on
the national or confederate side, other
than the unavoidable injustice of not
making mention often where special
mention is due. There must be many
errors of omission in this work, be
cause the subject is too large to be
fnA ,Nf in, fxI-n ynln
way as to do Justice to all the officers
and men engaged. There were thOus-
ands of instances during the rebellion
and brigade deeds of herOism which
deserve special mention and are not
here alluded to. The troops engaged
in them will have to look to the de-
tailed reports of their individual com
manders for the full history of those
deeds. .--.
The first volume, as portion of the
second, was written before | had rea-
son to suppose was in critical con
dition of health. Later | was reduced
almost to the point of death, and it be-
came impossible for me to attend to
anything for weeks. l have, however,
regained somewhat of my strength,
and am able often to devote as many
hours IA day as a person shOnld devote
to such work. | would have more hope
of satisfying the expectation of the
public if / could have allowed myself
more time. | have used my best eff
forts with the aid of my eldest son, +.
d. Grant, assisted 10y his brothers, to
verify from the records every state
ment of fact given. The comments are
my own, and show how saw matters
treated whether others saw them in
the same light or not. @
With these remarks present these
volumes to the public, asking no favor,
but hoping they will meet the approx
al of the reader. U. S. GRANT.
Mt. McGregor, July |, 1885.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-07-23
Bill Nye on the Rise and Fall of
the Roller Rinkist.

/ have once more tried to ride pain
of roller skates. That is the reason |
got down on the rink and down on
roller skates. That is the reason sew
eral people got down on me. That is
also the reason why | now state in a
public manner to lost and undOne
race, that, unless the roller rink is mt
once abolished, the whole civilized
world will he plunged into arDica.
L had tried it once before, but had
not carried my experiment to a sue
cessfnl termination. ! made trial
trip around the rink last August, but
was ruled out by the judges for incom-
potency, and advised to skate among
people who were hostile to the govern
ment of the United States, while the
proprietOrs repaired the rink.
On the 9th of September, nestled
in the bosom of n cyclone to excess,
and it has required the bulk of the
months for nature to glue
the bones of my leg together in proper
shape. That is the reason | have not
given the attention to roller skating
that / shonld.
A few weeks ago read what Mr..
Talmage said about this great national
vice. 1t was his opinion that if we
skated in a proper spirit; we could
leave the rink each evening with our
immortal souls in good shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thurs
Day evening / would undertake the