The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1885-04-09
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

C. H. C.cSpt.
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS
Original Western settlers-Pistols and
knives. - Waterloo Obscreer.
There's one lire that every woman de.
lights to hang on masculine. -Eater'oo
OtSerter.
Nine society girls ont of ten mc in
Eostoa Post.
A puppy's joke is not very funny, but
there is something waggish about dogs
tail.-1esas Sytiagx.
1t is not the change of scene that cures
so many travelling inva ids 1t is alb
sence from the Doctor
He saved, and he saved, and he savel,
Economical, good Mr.. Buzt and;
And when he had got all he craved
1t went TO his wifes second husband.
-Conf'ier-,jou. it1'.
You can stavc off a troublesome cred
itor, and even procrastinatc hunger
somcwh by tightening the belt, but
you can't shir.1 a sncczc. - Chicago Leti~
ger.
somc Of the poet Willis best lines
were written in his boarding house.
They were tender lines prob sbly They
are always good in a boarding house.
Fuch
"Ict go my car" yelled passenger
on West Side street car yesterday II
beg your pardon" said the other mau,
Il thought hid hold of the strap
Chicago Hera!d.
If nan wants sack of flour, or
something in bottle to PIT On sore
feet, he can send for it, but for knowl.
edge, or a hair cut, he must 90 himself -
Chtcugo Ledger.
A North Carolina negro went right on
pl wing the fiddle after Il bullet had
been fired into his brain. EXaspcratcd
pco le will hereafter fire at the fiddle
Mtl:ana}o oils Journa'.
A correspondent asks: 'Can you in
form me how to get fat?' Certainly,
buy five dollar horse and wagon and 90
around to the back doors after it.--Bos
ton Commercial BNlittia.
Young ladies who will not marry when
they have Il chance Miss it. Erchdnge.
No doubt Of it. But what are they to
do? When one accepts an offer she gen
orally Mrs. it too --Bo$ton Post.
A Brooklyn clereymen says that
liquors may soon be sold in skating rinks
and then "the result will be disastrous"
We should say so. 1t is hard enough
70" sober man to stand up.-CaN
An article in a New England paper is
headed "How to Reach Young Men,
The fathers of several marriageable
daughters in this city have adopted the
plan of reaching them with a boot
Puck.
A new book is entitled GLOW l Made
Money at Home" We advise our read
ers to have nothing to do with it. Three
men were arrested few days ago for
making money at home, ,-Norristo'on
Herald.
LEGAL OATH.
"Do YOU" said Bessie t'other day,
'In earnest love me, as yousay,
Or are those tender words applied
Alike to fifty girls beside!9'
Dear, cruel girl" cried |, ''forbear,
For by those rosy lips L swear
She stopped ME as the oath took,
book"
DIR. NJ. f. Wadsworth says the earth
has a Heterogeneous viscid, elastic,
LIQUID interior, irregularly interlocked
with and gradually passing into lighter
heterogeneous crust" That is good
definition of a custard pie.-Derrich.
HazeItinc, the sprint runner, advertises
to teach the ''Art of Self f-defense." Per-
haps, after all, the theory of putting
100 wards between yourself and assailant
in eleven seconds is about as etfcctual
system of self-defense as could be de-
vised. Francisco Post.
WARM WEATHER INDICATIONS
Soon will the festive humble bee
His little carol sing,
And polish up right carefully
His merry little sting.
Soon will the small boy seek the wood
To climb his favorite tree,
And in happy, careless mood
Pursue that self same bee
Then will that blitlesOme bee in turn
Cause that same boy to scud
To where he can relieve the burn
By plastering with mud.
A man never begins to find out how
little he knows about domestic matters
until his wife asks him to keep his eye
upon the baby, and to see that pan OF
melted butter is kept stirred. while she
goes into the attic to look through her
rag bag.-FaU Rioer Adoance.
"Jimmy, my child" the fond mother
exclaimed, don't eat so much OF that
lobster salad. You'll be ill tonight,
dear; l know you will" tWell, ma"
said Jimmy, as he helped himself to
another pIateful, eff I am you'll know
what's the matter with me, anyhow. ~
4Somercile Journal.
"WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS"
There's music now heard in the morning
A, sweet as the tones of fiddle,
'Tis the melody made by the flap jacks,
AS they sizzle and sing on the grlddle.
And It's now that the boarding house mis-
Sus.
The hearts of her boarders to chlrrup,
Brings out the light-colored molasses
And serves it as ''pure maple syrup"
And the boarders, confiding and trust1ui,
Partake of the saccharine staple
With quite as much relish and gusto
AS If 'twere the pure sap of the maple.
-Boston Courier.
An English clergyman recently per-
formed 1OS baptisms and nine marriages