The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1885-05-28
4 QUACK'S DEVICE.
M. vi1Iarss ssTrue Water of Lilo -
His Confession.

His Confession.
Monsieur Villars, the inventor of pat
ent medicine, says an exchange, was q
native of Paris, and educated among the
horse-boys and lackeys of dissipated
court, who f1ourished in the earliest part
of the last century. Naturally quick OF
wit, he turned his attention to the mani
fold diseases that afflicted the prohigate
courticrs of the time of Philip Of Orleans
He beheld a generation of gourmands,
needed a season of proper dieting tc
mined to give them: and he meant th,t
they should pay for it.
By and by the people of the great me
tropolis were informed, by flaming pla
cards on the walls. that, "Monsie ur Vii.
lars, Physician Extraordinary" to about
all the crowned heads on the continent
who had saved his thousands Offered to
his afflicted countrymen his wonderful
medical discovery, found by him in the
sarcophagus of an Egyptian philosopher
and savant, and now first given to suffer.
ing humanity. He called it "Villars'
Water of Life''-surely modest name
for medicine which claimed to cure
every disease under the sun which medi-
cine could cure.
After our quack had plastcred the
dead walls of the city and its suburbs
with his flaming placards, his next step
was to play into the hands of all the
lackeys, and gentlemen's Wallets whom
he could get hold of, and by paying
some, and promising others, and pour
ing out wine freely, he got them to stand
at the street corners, and at the entrance
to the cemetery, and at the grave, and
also at the place where the funeral SER
vices were being held; and whenever
there was funeral these hired emissaries,
at their respective points, would feel
ingly cry aloud, as the funeral cortcge
appeared, "Alas, poor man! if he could
have known of Monsieur Villars' won
derful water of Life!-Ah! he would
not have been thcre!'
And some were to add the simple
story of cures they had seen performed.
OF course this gave the medicine a
start. People tlocked TO see Monsieur
Villars. He gave to them his medicine,
and his last words to them were, as they
were about to turn away, ''Aha! by the
way, monsieur Cor madamc), you will
ODSClFC tHC ttlICCllOuS. w uilC you diC
taking my medicine you must confine
yourself to the diet here specified. Wine,
rich condiments, late suppers, much
pastry, liquors of all kinds, etc, etc,
are to be avoided"
In short, he put them upon a simple,
healthful diet, gave them his medicine,
and sent them away. And in very
short time the whole court was ringing
with praises of "Villars' Water of Life. y
Its virtues were upon every tongue, and
the physician who dared to cry out
against it was denounced.
At the age of seventy Monsieur Villars
had gained an enormous fortune. He
counted his wealth by millions millions
of crowns. Before he died he published
the following comprehensive and signifi-
cant confession and manifesto to his mil
ions of patrons:
''Friends-The medicine which have given
| you under the name of Water of Life is
and has always been, the water of the Seine
with small quantity of inter therein dis
solved. And yet l have not deceived you
harmfully. Ihave caused you to renounct
your intemperance and gluttony, and to put
away a multitude of vices that were unman
ming you. If You will continue thus temper
ately and decently to live, you will never give
a hard thought to M. VILLARs" ;"