The Hawaiian gazette., 1885-08-05
Tales of n Traveller,

Tales of Traveller,
Some very curiously worded advertisements
creeps into the newspapers now and then.
Here, for instance, are three amusing exam-
plcs; "Iost-A cameo brooch, representing
Venus and Adonis whilst walking on Sandy
Mount, on Sunday last" "Wanted-A nurse
for an infant between % and 80, member OF
the Church of England, and without any fol-
lowers" "a lady and gentleman arc anxious
TO live in the house OF medical man, the
latter suffering from nervousness aud liver
The place must be warm; country preferred.
GLOW did it happen" fair lady asked
very silly Scotch nobleman, shat the Scots
who came ont of their own country were, gen
orally speaking, men of more abilities than
those who remained at homer" ooh, madam"
said he, "the reason is obvious. At every
outlet there are persons stationed TO examine
all whn pass, that, for the honor OF the coun-
try, no ono be permitted to leave it who is not
q man of understanding, "Then," said she,
az suppose your lurdship was Struggled"
A mans animosity toward political oppo
pent is sometimes SO bitter that it does not
cease even when the opponent is dead. A few
years ago gentleman who had figured most
prominently in the history of his country sud-
denly came TO the end of long and useful
life. On the day Of the funeral one Of the
strongest political enemies of the deceased
was asked: care you going to attend Mrs
funeral today" "No," responded the distin-
guished gentleman deliberately; 'but" (dryly)
81 wish YOU to understand heartily approve
of it,"
A FreDohmau who had bravely filled place
in the ranks during the war with Prussia re-
Gently sought employment from well-knowu
General of his own nationality. The private
soldier had been unfortunate enough to have
his nose carried away in action by bullet,
and his appearance was so singular that his
late superior officer shouted with laughter
on beholding him. Where the deuce, my
good fellow, did you lose your nose?" he
asked. 81 lost it, General" replied the
private" in the same battle whore You lost
your head"
A short time ago a gentleman took his little
son on a railway excursion. The little fellow
was looking out of the window, VIXEN the
father slipped the hat of the boys head. The
latter was much grieved at his supposed loss,
when papa conso!ed him by saying that lie
would whistle it back. A little later he wins
tied and the hat reappeared. Not long after
the little lad flung his hat out of the window,
shouting: "Now, papa, whistle it back againF'
A roar Of laughter in the carriage served to
enhance the confusion of perplexed papa.
A charming French lady, who passed through
the painful days Of the siege of Paris, was
relating in her graceful way TO friend some
4 of her experiences. She said that rats and
mice, however disguised by intelligent cook
cry, became quite distastelul the latest cat;
palled upon the palate. il, however, STRAY
pigeon happened to settle upon some roof, The
street instantly became full Of people seeking
to entrap the delicacy. 1t often happened
however, that the pigeon turned out to be
messenger bird, and hence as sacred as tn
ibis of Egypt "In fact, said the story-tel
Ter, "tlis was so often the case that TO thi
day can never bear to eat pigeon. | al
ways feel as if were devouring the post
man."
A certain dissenting minister was, whel
preaching, much annoyed by persons talking
and giggIing. He paused, looked at the dis
turbers, and said: 81 am always afraid t
reprove those who misbehaye in chapel. Il
the early part of my ministry l made grea
mistake. As was preaching, young ma
who sat before me was constantly Laughing
talking and making uncouth grimaces.
paused and administered severe rebuke
After the close Of the service one Of the oaicia
members came and said to me. Sir, 20
made great mistake. That young man whor
you reproved was an idiot Since that tim
! have always been afraid TO Teproye thos
who misbehave themselves in chapel lest
should repeat that mistake and reprove an
other idiot" During the rest Of that servict
at least, there was good order.
Many funny stories have been told of th
difficulties encountered by Frenchman i
trying to master the English language. Her
are some new ones: A Frenchman, NJ. DubOit
in conversation with Mr.. Brown, an English
man, says: 81 am going to leave my hote
paid myjbill yesterday, and said 10 tn
landlord, Do | owe anything else? He saiC
'You are square, What am ~ He sal
again. you are square, That's strange
said ], lived so long / never knew l wa
square before" Then as | was going ava
. he shook me by the hand, saying, Il hop
! you'll be round SOON. | said, i thought yo
said was square Now you hope will b
round lie laughed and said, when tie
you you'll be round mean you won't
long, did not know how many forms /
wished me TO assume; however, l was glad j
did not call me fat"
A good story is told Of certain promineI
railway director, who is equally renowned f
his ability to make and take a joke A raj
way employe, whose home is in the countr.
applied 10 him for pass TO visit his famil.
"You are in the employ of the company" il
quired the gentleman alluded to. Yes
'fYou receive your pay regularity" Yes,
well, now, suppose you were working for
farmer instead Of the company, would you el
r pect your employer to take out his horse
every Saturday night and carry you homeY
,, This seemed poser, but it wasn't. "No,
, said the man, promptly, 81 would not expe
that; but if the farmer had his horses out al
was going my way, l should call him vel
mean fellow if he would not let me ride" II
+ empluye came out three minutes afterwal
with a pass good for twelve month. N
i Mail and Express.