The Osceola times., 1885-05-02
THE llME-kilN CLUB.
xAs Tragic Outcome of = Conspiracy -
Unseat brother Gardner.

xAs Tragic Outcome of Conspiracy -
Unssst brother Gardner.
The excitement which has prevailed
among certain of the older members Of
the club came to a climax Saturday
evening. What occasioned the excite
ment was kept profound secret
among dozen, but it may be stated
here that the rumpus was kicked up by
Prof. Sunfower Smythe, local men,
Der with a hare-lip and toes turning in.
For some weeks passed the professor
has hankered for an official position.
and, failing to secure recognition Of
his merits. he organized conspiracy
to dethrone Brother Gardner. BY cir
culatlng many false statements, and by
forging the names of several indiyid-
uals to false documents, he enlisted the
sympathies of Elder Antimony Swift,
Deacon Cohort Davis and Judge Cut
OF Kcmperberry He approached
HucklebeTy Tompkins with the plan,
and even went so far as to offer him q
new fifty-cent door-mat to Join the
conspiracy, but Brother Tompkins was
true blue and gave the whole affair
away.
When the meeting was called to or
der the three conspirators were in their
seats, entirely unsuspicious of the
sand-club which was hanging over
their heads, while the President, Sir
Isaac Walpole, Waydo yn Bebee, and
others in the ring. carried very serious
countenances. The plot of the con-
spirators was not yet fully ripe. Prof.
Smythe was just settling himself down
TO sound Elder Toots in the matter,
when Brother Gardner rose up and
said:
Envy am de parent of half de wick
edness in dis world. One Of de fust
principles of human natur' am to be
grudge some odder pusson's good luck.
but de mint common sense am called
in fur consultation dis envy disappears
except In isolated cases.
I'VE envy de rich. while it am p'raps
our own fault entirely dat we am not
classed among 'em.
I'VE envy talent, an yet we am
fo'ced 10 acknowledge to ourselves dat
we frew away our opportunities.
"Find me man who am down on
his fellow man on gineral principles an
I'll show You chap who orter be in
State Prison by de same rule.
"De Lawd put us heah fur each to
make his own way. DE field am world
wide, wild plenty of room fur all. II
one, by his appl:cashun, perseverance,,
integrity an determination, towers
above de one who waits fur luck and
feeds his soul on envy, any conspiracy
to pull him down should be sot down
on by all good men. Brudders Smythe,
Swift an Davis, should like to see de
three of you at de foot of de grand
staircase. Dar' am leetle matter dat
wish TO discuss in private"
The trio of conspirators were evi.
IDENTIFY surprised at the request, but sus-
pected nothing, and followed the Presi.
dent down stairs. As no one was per-
mitted to follow, il may never be known
what happened on the landing. What
the meeting heard may, however. throw
some general light upon the subject:
l. Yells of terror.
2. Sounds of heels striking the walls.
8. Sounds of cloth being ripped and
torn. and boot-heels striking the fence
on the other side of the alley.
4. Bump-kerchunk- -thud-deep si-
lence.
5. The echoes of the toe OF q No. IS
boot striking against coattails.
Soon after these aforementioned
sounds had died away Brother Gardner
entered the room with a sweet smile on
his face, and walked straight to his seat
without word There was blood on
his left ear. the polish was worn of his
right boot, and ono end of his collar
was unbuttoned, but this might have
happened to any man who had fallen
down stairs.
"Misser President, shall ! cross de
three names off do booke" asked the
Secretary.
''De Char reckons you may" was
the answer. "an' we will now take up
de reg'lsr bill O. fare. Detroit Free
Pdess.
a.