The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-09-24
NEirthfnl MorsnIs.

Should an umbrella be called o po-
lygamist because it has plurality Of
ribsp
Anybody can play hand.organ,
but that is no reason why anybody
should.
Because your mothers little sister
goes regularly to school, she is none
theless true aunt.
When Quaker walks along aGsarp-
ed wooden sidewalk, can he be said to
be on the warp pathY
"The most important thing in con.
nection with house Is the haul" re-
marked the burglar.
A little girl, on seeing peacock for
the first time, remarked, "What a
beautiful hustle it hasp
"Change for the BETTER" said the
cashier Of the pool room, as he paid
out the cash to the winner.
1t is said there is a soft side to every
man. That's the reason dude is
afraid to stand on his head.
"The battle is not always to the
strong" said the Judge as he awarded
the butter premium at county fair.
A lesson in physics: Teacher
"What is velocity2" Pupil-"Veloci-
ty is what man puts hot plate down
with"
An eminent painter, on being asked
what he mixed his colors with to give
so fine an effect, answered: II mix
them with brains, sir"
Almost any man knows more than
his father until he is forty years old.
Then he drops into the ranks of the
ignorant and begins to take lessons.
Il will give you my heart, but not
my hand" she whispered to him at
the card table, and he didn't catch on
until she showed four aces and took
the pot.
Mamma dining out).-"It isn't po-
lite, Bobby, to smack your lips when
eating. You never do that at home"
Boddy.-"Cause we never have any
thing worth smacking over"
Husbands who are only good when
their wives ale watching them are
like those matches which strike only
on the box--not much to be depended
upon when away from the family
safe.
"You say he called you donkeyY"
EYES," "What did you do about it%
Nothing" "Well, if man should
call me donkey I'd kick him with
both feet" Certainly, any donkey
would naturally do that"
Before marriage" she pouted,
you used to speak of my beautiful
auburn locks, but now you call me red
: headed" "My DEAR" replied the
A
heartless man, marriage opens the
eyes, Before that event was color
7 blind"
| The man who climbs up the creased
pole of luck after the giddy bird Of
q fortune will learn, when the backbone
: OF his resotion is broken, that the gilt
tering fowl makes its nest amidst the
! slippery crags Of the mountain oI
!. sweatful toll.
8 "Say," said the editors smart little
son, as he entered store; "do you
: keep kniyesp "Oh, yes" responded
the store keeper; "we've kept them
!, for years" "Well," returned the boy
3 starting for the door, "you ought tc
" advertise, and then you wouldn't keer
II 'em SO long"
,r There is probably nothing in thil
world that equals woman's satisfac
s tion at passing off on the car conduc
. tors one Of those full moon dollar
ID that are SO painfully prevalent jus
le now, unless it is her disgust when tn,
ID horrid thing gives her back nineteel
A. five-cent nickels for change.
: Madam, can you tell me why tw'
~ women stop in the middle Of the stree
n crossing to talkY II suppose the,
u do it for tho same reason that ma
% rushes at the top of his speed to &c
s' across the track in front OF train Q
70 's' cars and then stands and watches th
ao train go by" The gentleman change
~ the subject.
Is The Ryan family live in Californil
he but are hidden from the public. Pa
es rick Ryan is in prison for life for bu
FL glary. Martin Ryan is in prison ic
tn fifteen years for the same reasol
ID The third brother has just begun a
he eight-year sentence for burglary, an
90 Mrs. Ryan has just been arrested Il
to subornation Of perjury, and probabl
on will soon join her sons.