The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-07-04
MATRIMONY.
The President Of the Lime Kiln Club In
dulges in a Few Reflections.

Inc President OF the Lime Kiln CtuD In
dulxes in a Few Reflections.
Il should like to spoke few re-
marks to Brudder Side Bar Skinner, q"
observed the President, as the dust be-
| gan to settle in Paradise Hall.
Brother Skinner, who is young
man of twenty-three, with m Id eye
and lilac necktie. advanced to the
front and the President continued
"Brudder Skinner, de news has
reached my ears dat you am about
| to be mar'd. | trus' dat de report am
| true, bekase / believe 1t am de dooty
of obery young man who kin support
wife to take one.
at am true, sab. y
Den let me compliment you wild one
| hand, an spoke few remarks to you
| wild de odder Gittin' mar'd has its
VERY serious side. Fur instance, am
| de gal gwine to mary you bekase she
| loves you, or to spite her folkes be-
kase dey kept her away from de skat-
in r.nkp Am you gwlne to mary de gal
| fur love, or bekase her father has some
wealth which you hope he'll shell out
fur your benefit
Love am a powerful emoshun,
Brudder Skinner. but love widout pork
| and Eaters to keep it goin' am like de
froth on top of sodawater.
Don't m stake your sentiments II
you am sartn dat you love, go ahead.
II it am only lollypop, hire out as a
deck hand on a steamboat fur week,
an it will all go away. | hey known
couples ez seemed to be dyin' OF love-
DER silly ackshuns made EN- de latin =
stock of hull nayburhood Dey
seemed to dote and dote but it d'dn' t
last. AFTER couple of vars de hus-
band war home grumbler an tyrant,
an de wife gadabout an scold
What dey s'posed was love war only
lollypop.
don marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in de barber biz
| ness. Most fadder-in-laws not only
want all dey hez got. but am willn' to
struggle fur another $4,000
"Doan' sot down an fgger dat TO-
taters, loaf of bread, half pound of
meat an quart of applesass am gon'
to run you fur week. You will
all de salary you kin arm. an
need you had better look aroun' an find
somebody who will lend you dollar
now an then.
"Doan fatter yerselves dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de house
an kiss ODER de gate. You'll be hun
CRY fur con beef an baked beans;
your cloze will war OUT your flour an
butter will waste away, an bill fur
two months rent will send chill up
yer back. DE man or woman who
specks dat mar'd life am green an
shady lane, lined wd orange blossoms
on one side an ten dollar bills on de
odder, am gwine to wake up some day
an find de rats leavin de place in dis
gust.
Think of desc things, Brudder
Skinner. You kin get wife in about
five minutes, but it takes five Vars to
git shet of some of 'em. Expeek about
one days sunshine fur aweek of cloudy
weather. Reckon on house rent comm
due de fust of ebery month, an de
grocer an butcher keepin' an eve out
fur you each Saturday night. 1t will
amaze you how de woodpile decides
an how de flour gifts outen de bar'l so
soon. Doan' walk into matrimony like
lobster into box, but tigger on
whether de bait am wuth de RISKS. If
you conclude to mary you kin depend
on dis club attend n de obsequies In
body, bringin' along bounteous sup
ply of ham sandwiches. If you decide
not to. it am probable dat youwill soon
be promoted to some posishun of trust
an responsibility Detroit Free Press.