St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-03-09
A KTSSER INTENTION.

A Philadelphia man has invented an au
tomato kisser. We expected that after the
medical fraternity had so unkindly exposed
the mortality produced by the contact of lips.
And, then, when Wisconsin court decided
that kiss had a monetary value, and conse-
quently was subject in prices to the fuctua-
tons of other commodities, 1t was reasonable
10 suppose that some enterprising and specu-
lating KEENE, or GOULD, or SAGE might at
some time make corner in kisses when
the demand was sharp, or would bull and
bear the market in such way that ordinary
people with small capital could have no sub
stantial hope of anything like permanent
/ enjoyment Of the practice. It became neces-
sary then TO have something to substitute for
the real commodity in order to preserve an
equilibrium in the kiss market. And now
the Philadelphia inventor claims to have Just
what suffering humanity desires in this par
ticular in his automatic kisser.
There will be disposition to view the ma
chine with little suspicion. 1t may be
good enough invention in its way, but after
all, when compared to a good old-fashioned'
kiss, 1t is only what oleomargarine is to but
ter. There may be something in the coun-
terfeit to suggest the real, but 1t will lack the
genuine favor. The kissing machine is de-
scribed as female sutomaton and has vel
yety lips, with whole wide world of ioy in
the spiritualistic language they speak. The
manufacturer has displayed some Judgment
and taste in the artificial lips he constructs.
for fhnv ara Dnt unho1s+arad vr;,h o.a;....-
domestic plush or cheap cotton velvet, but
the rosy mouth OF the automatic maiden is
trimmed in the finest imported velvet, said
to be made from Italian rosebuds gathered
in the early morning while the sparkling dew
drop still fingers upon them, and when
pressed to human lips the senses are RECALLED
with an aromatic impression of the fragrant
infancy Of opening flowers. 1t must be just
awfully nice, but then it is not real. It is
only passing pleasure. There Is no lnger-
ing elysian kind of feeling which follows the
genuine article. There Is too much of the
machine method about It to suit the Young
mugwumps of this generation. It is true
the inventor Is careful to avoid the
unreslistic impression as much as pos
sible, and only permits the automatou
dSmsel to be kissed in the dark 1t is claimed
by the inventor that if real. live, sure
enough woman was set down by the side
Of the fictitious female, aud the lights put
out, the most expert nectar distiller could not
tell the difference in the kisses, and would
not know when be was in the embrace Of the
machine or of the mortal That is s pretty
tough story and win be received by the pres
eut generation Of young folks With a good
deal of ineredulity. That sort of seanee
may do pretty well when young man Is alb
solutely certain that he Is kissing his best
girl, but when be knows that be is to take
chances on dumb antomatou he will not
patroniEe the show. The Philadelphia inveu-
ton is curious exhibition Of mans inge-
nuity, but il wiz never be success. In this
dsy OF JaeksOnian simplicity people viii
cling TO the primitive habits of their ances-
tors and take their kisses in the old-fsshioned
way, when kiss vas good, honest smack
which went tiugling to the very heart. aud
when gone the sense % it remained
The sweetness clirgiEg upon the lips al dsy
Like drops cg homer 10th % fan away"