Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-17
IRE BAD BOY.

Il gness the neighbors vii be
mighty glad when you folks get of
70 Florida, said the groceryman to
the bad boy, as he came in with a
linen duster on and stamped the
snow OF his feet. Such carvings
on as you had in church last Sun
day night. The minister was in
here this morning and he says he.'
don't know what to think OF your
family. lie says your pa was taken
with hydrophobia in church, and
frothed at the mouth, and barked
like a dog, and the deacon had to
take him ont and sit down on him.
VIA. did it mean, and what in
thunder arc you got on a linen
dustcr for in the middle Of winter =
i am wearing this duster to get
accustomed % it, When we get
South we shah have to wear palm
leaf clothes all the time, and the
bad boy wrapped the tail Of his
duster around his cold legs and
backed up to The stove. 'Butyou'd
dide if sou had been in our pew
Sunday night. You see, ! was
reading in paper how the Sena'
tors in Washington amused them
selves, ana there was a story about
Wade lIampton's joke on Senator
Garland, who always comes along
and takes caramels off Ilampton's
desk, and 50 t'otbcr day Hampton
took a piece Of brown soap and
wiiltIed It just the size of a cara
mel and wrapped it in glazed
paper and laid it on bis desk, and
Garland ate it. 1t tickled me, and
thought Of pa in a minute. When
ge 90 to church pa gets nervous
cause he can't smoke, and he al
ways wants to be chewing some
ding, and as i always have some
candy or something in my pocket,
pa reaches ~ my pocket on the sly,
when he IS watching the minis
Ter, gels gun drop or something
and chcws all through the meet
ins. ] don't think it is right for
an old man to chewin meeting any
way. SO I took q piece Of soap,
just fixed itas Senator Hampton
did, .ad pat it in the pocket next
topa. In tic other pocket I had
some sureenough caramels, cause
| didnct wdnt to get the soap my
self Twas chewing right along,
aud when ge stood up to sing, pa
he nndscl nae for candy. l was
busy finding which song they was
singing, cause they all look alike
Ia the hymn boot, and when they
got ON the last verse pa nudged me
again, and I kind of winked my
lcltcye and glanced down toward
lmy pocket, aud pa he had his hand
in there quicl.ern wink, and he
| sot The brown soap caramel and
had tin his mouth in no time, aud
tAtu the choir got " tic home
stroieh, as p says, and he sa'
doeu. 4 guess pa bit right through
tile soap, from the sound, for he
sqJr.ed aid said YAH and | guess
that w45 Rhat they thought sound
ed a. Laough Ae. barked ike
deg. Everybody looked at pa, 81
he couldn't spit out the SOAP, and
heheld on to it. An old maid tha
sits In front OF turned right around
and loo ctlm fa as though he was
a dime mgscrm curiosity, and sh'
never took her eyes Of Of him.
think T. womah ought to keep hel
eyes OIL Il man long enough 10 he
lmm spi( oQta chunk Of soap. Well
you ought 10 have seen me look a
the minister when he gave out thu
text. l was bound to commit it Il
momcry if I busted. | dassen
look at pa for fear | would snorI
right out, but peoped out Of the
corner OF nay eye, and he turned
red and white and blue, and he
tried to keep from swallowing the
soap-suds. thought ] should
cdpnip and Quill.wheel, right there
on the floor. Pretty soon the soap
suds and foam began to show on
pas lip and moqstache, and he
looked oliGl tell you. The dea-
cons followed him out, and tho
ushets got there just as he began
to throw lather on the carpet, and
he coughcd and sputtered, aud
they thought be was mad for sure,
and grabbed hold Of his arms, aud
a. ne struggled to got his hand in
his coattail pocket for the handker
chief they said: Don't let hin
bite you don't let him get hold o.
hls revolver = and they scudled til
pm could got the taste out OF his
mouth So he could speak, and thel
he said it was Ill TiSht,he had eater
caromel and didn't know that i
was loaded
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