The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-01-01
WT am HT1TOR

Before the wedding-Wooed and
won Five years atter-Wooden ones
I-Nes0 York journal
Holland is increasing its number Of
Wind-ni1ls by two per day. 1t VIII be
9 great place If the wind holds out
Fes0 Orleans ReGyssIse.
Holland has 1O,000 windmiIls. Du-
ring presidential campaign America
can see Holland and 90 her about
$1,000 windmills better.
We don't know why the god of mar
rage is called Hymen, Julia, unless 1t
is because the groom Is generally a
very ''short" man after his marriage.
New York society Is preparing for
another war between the rich families
whose fathers began life as peddlers,
and those whose grandfathers did
Philadelphia Cali
Dramatic views: tEYour son is an
actor, you say, Mr. Maginnisp'' Faith
he is" "Where does he act?' Down
he playP" .RoiIs, is it! Faith, he
rolls up the curtain. "-RGm6Eer.
.EWhy did You strike that boy. my
sonP'' asked a father. s"Cause he said
I stole his top" 'tAnd you struck him
to prove to him that you did not take
1t, ehP'' t'No. sir, cause did take it,
but can whip any boy that says so. -
ArkGfssGs0 Traveller.
A father-in-law at q wedding at
tempted to chat the groom: ''I hope
now, sir, that you win not get into any
more scrapes." 'sNo," said the new
son-in-law, ST shall not have q chance;
I shall never get out Of this one. -
Providence NesoS.
Terrified City Milkman ,(flling his
can at the pumpl-"Great Scott!
What's that? Mary bring the gun
quick, there's wild beast in the yard. :"
Mary (who was once in the country
''Why, you old fool, that's g coW!m
7. G. Milkman-''You don't say so. !"
Puck.
s;Say, ma, seen a niger put seven
eggs in his mouth all at once" said
Johnny Quarle as he came in from his
supper. 'tHumph, that's nothing; your
father put that butcher shop and q
horse and wagon into his" fartly re-
piled Mrs. Quarle. Whisky was the
ruination of the old man.
There is a tendency to refine on
phrases that convey to the mindrepug-
nant ideas. Hence our friends dom t
die; "they have entered into rest" In
asmuch as the condition of the depart
ed is somewhat problematical, how
would it be to substitute the following:
Withdrawn from circulation. Dos
toss Post.
"How much did Mr.. Smith give you
at his weddingP" asked a minister
wife of her husband. 1.-Two dollars. I"
''Well, that's very insignificant sum
for q rich man like Mr.. Smith to paw
for such a service" cit does seem a
small amount" he replied, '.but you
must remember that he has been mar
ried before. '-NetO York San.
A mother in New York City whose
little son had fallen from the roof of
her dwelling and caught on telegraph
wire, whence he was rescued by a dar.
ing descent of another lad upon a fire
escape, spanked her son and gave his
rescuer 10 cents. Whatever may be
said of the latter act, the former show
ed wisdom beyond that of the present
age.
A sharp trick was played upon a
LambertVille citizen a few days ago.
He gave tramp pair of old panta-
looms and was surprised shortly after
wards by chap returning and giving
had found in one OF the pockets. So
pleased was the citizen with the tramp's
honesty that he presented him with q
silver dollar, but imagine his rage upon
discovering shortly afterwards that the
bill was counterfeit.-IT True
american.
Two middle-aged women, who had
not seen each other for years, met the
other day in City-Hall Park. and en-
braced effusively. After they had re-
covered their breath one asked: care
you married?' ''Oh, yes, and have
five children-my husband is a brick
carrier in West Twenty-third street.
care YOU narriedP" Eyes, indeed"
Sand your husband?'' s.He is brick
carrier, too" ''Where does he carry?"
''In his hat"
A tramp applied to an Elizabeth, On.
j. woman for food one day last week,
and she scolded him saying: ''Why
don't you come at decent time-right
after dinner or breakfast-not in the
middle of the morning?" He said: al
hain't got no watch" in such piteous
manner, that she relented and went to
the kitchen to get him something.
Meanwhile her reproof sunk deep into
his heart, and, to guard against MAX
ing such q mistake in the future, he
walked into the parlor and carried off
the handsome mantel clock.
Excuse me, madam" said gentle
man politely to lady from whose head
he had accidently pulled false switch
in a crowded car. give seen enough
of you to convince me that you are no
gentleman" exclaimed the confused
woman ''And ]" returned the suaVe
man, handing back the lost switch,
''have seen enough of you to convince
me that you are no gentleman either"
"Pat, have you any prairies in Ire
land like we have in nlinois?" ITO be
shure we have. Didn't yez liver hear of
Tipperaryp''-Yo' aeers Statesman.