The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-12-04
Shall the Red Man Wear Breechcss

a grand council recently, and resolv.
ed to adopt pantaloOns as an article Of
dress. This may DO all right, but we
have an armOur-plated suspicion that
it will turn out to be all wrong. Wear.
ing pantaloons is one of tho gifts to
which mon aro born. and is not an art
that can be acquired in II day,or made
easy by resolution, Us our copper
skinned brother will find after q moro
intimate acquaintance with tho pccu.
liar garment that makes white man
boss in his own wigwam. Many of
tho stalwart-minded among the pale.
faces have been trying for years to
wear the pantaloons for tho whole
country. but they arc still rs far from
doing so us Satan is from paradise. An
Indian may know how to live on raw
dog for months ut stretch, and he
may know how to have oceans of fun
and make the Government lots of
trouble by getting on his mustang and
swooping into frontier town like a
cowboy going after whisky, but he
will discover that he cannot encase
his frost-bitton legs in tho broadcloth
of tho suns own children and lie
around in tho dirt with half as much
comfort as he can with tho brooches
he was born with. The red man can
have no earthly need of pantalooDs
anyhow, unless no intends to wear
them around his neck to keep mos
quitoes out of his ears, or wants to
come East and take u situation as
scare crow in somebody's garden, in
which case they might bo of some
practical utility. The Big Unison of
the counsel fire may DO wise in skull
duggcry Of his people, but corduroy
pantal0ons will wear him out as cor
tainly as he undertakes to subjugate
them. He may know how to get more
work out of his squaw by a we'll APP
piled kick in the ribs now and then than
his baldhoaded brother of tho cider
prcss can get out of ~ pair of mules
worth three hundred dollars by tho
help of blacksnako wagon whip and
all the profanity he can turn loose, but
it won't do for tho deluded child of
nature to crawl into a par of overalls
and expect to do any business on the
warpath worth naming. He would be
mistaken for Il hOd carrier and put to
work SO quick it would discourage him.
We believe in progress, and always ad-
vocate advancement in everything ex-
cept the price Of board whenever op.
portunity offers, but we do not-we
cannot. believe in u full FLOODED savage
with brooches on. 1t might do for
half-breeds or folks who sell q remedy
for removing ingrowing nails from the
pit of the stomach. but the moment
you swaddle up the legs of genuine
warrior with anything so unpoetic as
a pair of pantaloons with patches on
the appendix to the same. he looks too
much like hired man to DO any Ion
ger interesting for dime novel mater.
ial. We can stand angels in mother
hubbards. oreven spooks in claw-ham
mer coats. if we must come to it, but
80 long as VIC have voice and room
wherein to swingit, that voice will be
raised against allowing the high-step-
ping son of the forest to look any more
like dude than nature made him.
Tho next thing VIC know he will drop
a resolution making eye glasses and a
plug hat tho proper thing for full
dress OH u bear hunt, and if permitted
to have his own way about such mat
tiers. what security have we that be
will not debaso himself still lower, and
make his prosperity ashamed of him
by calling for cigarettes and perfum-
eryp If the jack-rabbit of the tribe
is allowed 10 decide for himself in
such matters. and that, too, ut a time
when his judgment was most likely
stepped in fire. water. there is no telling
where this foolishncss will stop. 9th.
er excuses of costume will be sure to
follow, and the next thing in order
will he for tho squaw to bang her hair
and adopt resolution that she must
have high. heelcd shoes and hustle.
We must draw the line somewhere,
and we might Us we'll do it before the
goods are ordered. BY all means let
the glue colored child of tho prairie
nave whatever is right AMI proper in
tho way of beads as dazzling as the
patches in crazy quilt, blankets like
Il house on fire. all the arms, ammuni-
ton, fire-water and so on that may DO
necessary to keep him on good terms
with the devil; but let us not chafc
his proud spirit by taking his legs in
and out of the weather, and thus MAX
ing his frame etleminats, or tho first
thing we know the arrow-limbed idiot
will go to work and civilize himself
and relieve the government from all
further uncasiness on his account,
thus throwing out of employment a
large number of deserving partisians.
VINO now get we'll paid for doing all
that roguery can devise to keep him
in savagery.-CAicago Ledger.