New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1885-05-31


The Democrats ara seeking Office with tears
Not many days ago." says The Nec Haren Ye7s, the
new postmaster was attending funeral out at Ever
green Cemetery Tho grief OF one OF the bystanders
was noticed to be excessive His sorrow took hinal
around that grave. He didn't stop moving still weep
ing most unctuousy, until he found himself at the foot
OF the mound Just to the left OF Mr. English. Then
| he rot time to say between his sobs Mr.. English,
This is sad-yory sad Yes. 1t is, was the reply
What loss to his family, Mr. English It Is very
! severe blow indeed. Tho leo was broken Tho anti
climax came like shot 10 the asonished postmaster
| 'Nr English, couldn't you -couldn't you dnd me q
| place in the post oaice when sperry gets out-Pm a
Democrat, you know
They had regular od.fashopedd sgelllngeee IN Du;
buqne the other day between the P1 Society OF
OF tho Methodist Church. IN which the Leta, etc, came
out first bost Il l. probable thas tneT were
| Transcript.
First Yorker--we might just well enjoy
selves while were about it, Let's 20 to the ST. Bigprce
i Second New Yorker-No need of putting much
First New-Yorkor-oh, never mind about that. Any
Second Now Yorker-Well let's go to Europe It Will
be cheaper Philadelphia eau.
REVISION.
1t Is good to be learned and wisej
Its good to be up In Hebrewj
But be sure you're All ydh in the Old,
Before you begin OH the New.
-IJoHy PAUL
A clergyman Indignantly announces that oil the
salaries Of religious teachers In tho country added to
eether would not amount TO much rs the sum which
the country spends annually In keeping dogs And
the worst Of it is agoody percentage OF the brutes
"yaer" dogs.
Jones-Brown seems to feel mighty upIsh since he
mado little money by his corner ia whiskey. Pretends
TO belong to the swallow-tail crowd, believe.
smith-5waow-tail crowd! L guess not
$50. Regular old soaker Swallow cocktail crowd
would be more like it-[Boston Courier.
tits said that Washington ladies oil engaged In
picking ban)os
Probably tho youngest telegraph operator in tho world
ia Eula Brown OF Courtney, Texas. She Is but little
over seven years Of yet there hardly aaeta of
railroad m & r wars and the little ona
has passed most OF her time IN telegraph 9nice since
she was old enough 20 6S nag psS 70
fair rate OF speod-lIroy Times
1t will soon be to discuss the question who is the
Oldest Free Mason In the world
While the Democrats of Ohio processing entire con-
hdenee in their ability to knock the SOCKS on the re
6arously anxious head the procession The outlook
must indeed very blue In OHIO when such chronic
iackn- thebox as old DurDin Ward refuses to jump up
In answer his party call for GuDernatorlal cand-
date.-IChicago News.
In an article on tho currency Arizona editor
We are rich beyond the dreams OF the Imagination In
gold and silver The next article is an earnest exhorta
ton to the subscribers to pay up the editor is badly
/
strapped"
Stranger to waiter at the hotel" Here have made
ait in QUO OF my boots. Send 1t TO the shoemaker ana
ask him 10 stitch 10 up An hour later. Errand boy 10
norter" Here's stitched boot for No O; cost penny
foror TO boots" Here's q stitched boot Tor NO o.
had 10 pay threopencej give me the money Boots 10
Here's boot for No. o. I've paid sixpence Tor
meuIInr IT. pay up" Waiter, TO stranger Heres the
mended boot Cost shlliLgi paid II myself" some,
time later Stranger TO SHOEMAKER say, what ala
vo olorge for mending that D0OP Shoemaker" Moth
| lng "-IIlverpool England Courier
FIrst English bater--" Talk about Englands phan-
thropyl Why, every time she goesto savage nation
she carries the Bible in hand and sword IN the
other"
Second English hater' No, you're wrong at tho last
moment she lays down tho Bible and picks up another
| sword"
This ia tho season when tho small boy In the country
takes of his shoes and gets more fun trampng over
sharp stones than his mother could on velvet Carpet
| philadelphia Call.
IL IA narrated that when Minister to the Court
OF ST. James the Hon. Edward j. Phelps, was conduce
By the Queen into the gallery OF Windsor Castle an
shown the treasures Of that princey place. tho simple
/ VermOnter threw up both hands N astonshment ana
| exclaimed "Waal / sweowl" Whereat her MAJESTY
was so much pleased that she graciousy presented inc
the rustic diplomat with costly gold snuupox, upon
the diamond sudded lid of which appeared plcketei
| issuaut a huckleberry tree rampant gardeny ana
ragued hunk OF maple sugar wihina nyeeteo poruure
| verL-[Chicago News.