St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-03-05
SQUIBS.

A quick retOrt The crematory.
Costly furniture - The government
bureaus.
a court Of inquiry Is the old man
in?
eyes, SIR" said Mrs. Darlington,
speaking of one who had drank him
self to death /: eyes, sir, dissolution
has brought many II man to his grave"
A singer in Michigan collie e paper
anxiously inquiries: "Why comes not
my lover to me ?" Have you thought
TO Chain up the dog, dear girl
A child is called II kid. we suppose,
because he will goat something rs he
grows Older Burlington Hawkeye.
Some one asks: GLOW long is Il man
II bridegroom ?" Not very long. In a
majority of cases he becomes ''shOrtn
before the wedding tour ends.
'.The New York market is extensive
ly supplied with foreign eggs" We
thought our fathers threw off the for
eign yolk for good more than IL hun
dred years ago Boston Gazette.
1t is reported that IL boy in PittSfeId,
Mass, has swallowed !; thermometers
If he will just keep quiet until spring
the thermometer will rise of its own
accord Philadelphia Call.
''He died on the field" she sobbed
us she stood at his tombstone "A gal
liant soldier, no doubt broke in il
sympathizer. "Oh, sir. no sir; he was
hit by base ball bat"
"Does your furnace draw well 2" ask
ed landlord of his tenant. IL should
say it did. Why, it draws my balance
ont of the bank every month";" he re-
piled as he hurried to the coal dealers
to order another load.
~ am surprised, john said an old
lady when she found the old butler
helping himself to some of the best old
port. $50 am l. ma'am. | Thought
you had gone out" WAS the reply. g.
$50 you think your meter does not
register properly p 81 am sure it
does not, sir" ''Well. we are so busy
now we can't attend to it. We
will send a man up about the middle
of next month 81 wish YOU would.
am sure it does not register more
than half the gas | burn" .Eh Just
wait minute. I'll send man right
up with you now To test il r. Chicago
News.
''I'm aware that the commentators
do not agree with me-" said the Rev.
DR.. FoOsterer, in his sermon. Next
day, old Farmer Turniptops drove mp
to the rectory with half CARLOAD of
fine pink eye potatoes. "MOrnin', par
SON" said he. aye tOle us vistd'y that
the common taturs didn't agree wild
We so brought We trifie o the finest
pink-eyes ever We laid your own on.
Balls o fiour-that's what they are!"
''Another big failure" said Smith, az
he opened his morning paper. "A big
failure ?" queried his spouse. "Yes A
firm in Holland, who were engaged in
the wholesale sugar trade, have failed
for 81 ,00O, 900" '1s it pOssibleF" ex-
claimed Mrs. Smith. "The recent re
duction in the price Of sugar caused
their failure; didn't it p "a don't
know" said Smith. 81 guess the rea-
son of their failure was because it was
too cold for any bOdy to dig sand"
''I'se very sorry, boss, dat | was led
estray ter take de watch" said Jim
Webster to an Austin justice. 81 am
glad to see you regret Your crime.
What was it that led yon To take the
watch ?' replied his Honor, calmly. ~
was deluded by de chain, sab. / bleey-
ed it was solid gold chain, and dat ar
was gold watch hanging at de eend
Of it. De chain deluded me, sab, inter
taking de watch. De brass chain am
de cause OBJ all ob desc heah compiler
cashuns." "You will not be deceived
by chains for time at least, if can
help it," remarked his honor, giving |
him two mouths on the chain gang