Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-06-03
PLEASANTRIES.

0nU.-L G4aS OHCLHgS.
A MAINE minister has been preach
ing on the text, els Satan success ?"
Whatever may be said, he is undoubt.
edly having q long run.
SOME d-bepostmasters have an
idea that if the Office is to seek the
man it ought to be given g. clue to
work on.-Boston Post.
"WHAT must we do to be saved ?"
asked the Sunday School teacher of
her new pupil. ''Git lost" was the
very suggestive but incorrect reply.
THE harshest word a Japanese will
apply to man is "beast." The
Japanese knownothing about politics,
or they are very mild-spoken people.
A MEXICAN paper advertises an 49,
foot waterfall for sale. The mill privi-
lege should be considered by John L.
Sullivan, who claims that he is not al
lowed to have a. mill in the states
New Orleans Picayune.
"AH, monsieur, why do you look at
me?" "Pardonnez me, mademoiselle,
but my eyes were weary" "Weary,
monsieur ?" "Oui, mademoiselle-
beautiful face always rests them" y
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
"BELMoNT, N. H., boasts of wom-
an who goes out and chops wood with
her husband" 1t is quite common
thing for women to mopthe floor with
their husbands, but we never heard of
chopping wood with them.-Ingleside
''PA, who was Shylock?" Pater
fanilias with look of surprise and
horror Great goodness, boy;yo at
tend church and Sunday school every
week, and don't know who Shylock
was? Go and read your Bible, sir. y
Rambler.
Miss MIGGs-"I hope, my dear, that
you don't go to the theater alone"
Estelle-"No, indeed, I never think of
going unless I am chaperoned." Miss
Miggs-"Unless you are what?' Es-
telle-"Chaperoned." Miss Miggs-
''That's the way with me. / always
like to have q chap around. "-Drake's
Magazine.
A New Employment-There was
social gathering at the McSpilkins
mansion the other night, and Mrs Nc
Spilkin asked Gus De Smith what he
thought of the occupation of Penjdeh;
"What, is he getting a job? ?" asked
Gus, who imagined Penjdeh was
friend of the family. SHiftings.
"WHAT is hell?" asked a Sunday
school teacher of the members of his
class, Sabbath morning. ~ don't
know" said 1O-year-old, "but it's
down South somewhere" "What
makes you think so ?" Because [
heard pa say the members of the legis-
lature who went down to New Orleans
would catch it."-Peoria Transcript.
''THE fishing season is on "What
did you catch yesterday?" asked a
Peoria urchin, with apole and an oys-
ter can, of another boy. "Just what
you'll catch when you get home"
said the other, mOrosely, rubbing his
shoulders. And then each smiled
sickly smile, and the convention slow
ly and solemnly adjourned without
date.-Peoria Transcript
AN Athens man, when he asked his
wife to marry him, promised her that
if he ever got too poor to pay for the
family washing he would scrub the
clothes himself. He has reached that
point of poverty, and the lady holds
him to his word. On every wash day
he may be seen with his coat off at
work over the washtub.-Savannah
| (Ga.) Times.
SQUIRE PUMMEL-'I tell you, dea-
con, my daughter Sue is going to be
frst-class artist. Her cattle pictures
are SO natural you can almost hear
the critters low" Deacon FUNNEL
"Pooty good. But my daughter Sal
can beat that She haint no faith in
cattle pieces. But she's painted some
green cOwcumbers SO nat 'ral that the
hull family came mighty near havin'
chol'ra morbus. "-Boston Beacon.
''YOU say this man disturbed the
meeting when you were right in the
middle of your sermon, parson ?" "He
did, Your Honor. He and those with
him were so unruly that found it inn
possible to proceed with the services"
9'Huml serious offense-very." cit
was exceedingly wicked behavior"
'sWere you acquainted with him % II
married him two years ago" "Ah
h-h! / see. An old grudge l''-Detroit
Journal.
JOURNALISTIC Item-A young man of
ability but not of much means was
Houston, and was telling a friend
dUOuU III. 4Ou Cd1 OO11OH PcO cOA1CA
start new paper" said the friend en-
couragingly. s'You darned fool!' re-
piled the would-be Journalist; eff |
could borrow $50, what would [ want
to start paper for? want to start
a paper so can borrow the 500
Texas Sftings.
TEACHER TO first pupiL"What
case is the noun?" Pupil Nomina-
tive independent" Teacher-"Cor
rect. Next boy may take next noun.
Give it's case" Second pupil (falter-
ingly)-"Nominative- Teacher
''That's right, but what more?" Pu-
pill (questioningly) -"Independent? ?"
Teacher severely Ia should hope a
boy would know his lesson better than
to say independent just because the
one next him happened to have that
sort of noun. What should you say
instead of independent ?" Pupil {tri-
umphantly, after a moment s thought)
''Mugwump. ''-Harper's Bazaar.
ARMY INTELLIGENCE army Off
Ger who had been dismissed from the