The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-09-05
NARROWLY ESCAPED LYING
New York Sun.1

man the other evening as he pulled out of his pocket letter, crumpled and creased beyond all semblance Of smooth ness. here is letter my wife asked me to mail week ago, and l have never thought of it since that time"
 "What did you do that for ?" asked an acquaintance, as the broker tore the letter into pieces and threw them on the floor.
 Her correspondent would have dis covered the delay and written to my wife about it and then she would blame me /"
 "She needn't have known you delayed it. Lay the blame on the office boy"
 "No," replied the broker with decision. I hate to lie. I'm man of truth. I will tell her about it, and then she can write another letter."
 That is foolish way of getting into trouble"
 Not at all. Let me relate an incl dent. Several years ago, soon after we were married, my wife once asked me to write to her cousin Jim and ask him to come and spend few weeks with us. Jim was my wife's favorite cousin. and I liked him as well as she did; but the truth of the matter was had just started in business, and couldn't afford to enter tain any company. It was all could do to make both ends meet and keep up ap- pearances. Of course I ought to have confessed this to my wife, but dreaded to do 1t. That was where 1 made my colossal blunder. So when she suggested the visit to me, l professed to be de. lighted with tbe plan.
 "You write to him. she said.
 "' will replied.
 /" Tomorrow said she.
 ." Morning., said
 |'And SO it was settled. But, bless your soul, had no intention of writing that or any other morning. When I came home to dinner my wife asked me if had written to Jim.
 "' intend-d to- said; but have been too busy have hardly had time to breathe all day.
 The nen morning she said, 'Of fcourse you will write to Cousin James today
 "' certainly shall, my dear,' replied
 When l came home that evening she asked me if had written. told her that was just on the point of doing SO when a man fell dead while he was read. ing the tape in our office. The next day this same mans funeral prevented my writing. The day after said that as was sitting at my desk, pen in hand, a section of the roof fell in, and escaped with my lite with extreme difficulty. The following day invented story about my partners mother. killed that esti- mable woman in a railroad accident. Oi course that prevented my giving my att tenton to private business The next day to this said that l had sent my office boy for postage stamps, but the careless boy allowed himself to be run over by an express wagon and killed.
 This sort of thing went on for fort night until it began to wear on my con. stitution. Life gradually became bur den to me, and l was fast growing nuisance to my friends. l used to lie awake at night and wonder what in Tophet 1 would tell my wife the mex, night, and during business Ahours was often so absent-minded that it attracted general remark. One day when one of our best customers asked me what had been doing all day, sravely told him that ] had been attending his wife's funeral. AS the man was unmarried he accepted my reply with something akin to doubt, and, although tried to explain matters, l only made it the worse, and he left the office under the impression that was on the verge of insanity, if it had not already reached that point, and he afterward said as much to my partner.
 At the beginning of the third week my partner came to me one day and asked me whether didn't think I'd bet ter take little vacation. 1 told him T didn't see how that would mend matters any The poor fellow didn't say any. thing, but he shook his head signifi- cantly, and felt that was rapidly be- coming an object to behold.
 Finally, after killing two office boys, burying all of my partners relations, and witnessing no end of distressing acci. dents, all of which kept me from writing to Cousin Jim, made up my mind that death was to be preferred to any more of this way of living. One evening as 1 came home found my wife in tears.
 Oh, John,' she soebed, as she threw herself into my arms.
 "' What's the matter2' exclaimed in alarm. didn't know but what her father might have failed in business or something awful had happened.
 "Ive heard from Cousin Jim,' she cried.
 "l made no reply. was dumb with horror. She had evidently invited him herself.
 "And,' she continued, sit won't do any good to write to him.,
 "Then he is coming, anyway2'
 "' No,' she sobbed. sHe's dead.'