The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-06-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Fresh Clerk-''That first 1 showed
you, mum, was Is, this is 65, this is so,
an this is 49," Tea Purchaser-'.AllI
good teas, l supposeP" Fresh Clerk
s''Yes 'um, all come out o the same
chest" Proprietor-"H means they
.chest came, mum. ."-Ra,per'S Bazar.
Eyes, sir,' said the entomologist, 81
can tame flies so that when l whistle
they will come and alight on my
hand. "Pshaw," said the bald-head-
ed man, "that's nothing. They come
iand alight on my head without my
lwhistling." The entomologist sat down.
.-SomerUille Journal
BEG your pardon, SIR" said the
'gentlemanly usher at the theatre, ''but
your seat is in the front row." ''How
did you know that" asked the aston
ished bald-headed man. without see
ing my check?" You forget" re-
piled the usher, s'that you have your
hat offp'-Boston Transcript.
Gus de Smith and Miss Birdie Me
Ginnis were taking moonlight stroll
on the beach at Galveston one night
last week, when Gus remarked: How
pale the moon looks tonight You'd
be pale too, if you had to be up more
week or more at a time. - TeIdS
Sytin9s.
A young woman. prim and slender,
seated herself at one of the tables re-
served for ladies in a Sixth avenue oy-
ster saloon, and, after glancing over
the bill of fare, said to the waiter:
lied crab, hot" The waiter tiptoed to
ha onoR ond xUhisnaraH- HayilaH
crab, hot as Satan"
Boy-Please, sir, Tommy johnson
has made me make blot. School
Board Teacher-Then Tommy johnson
won't go home to his dinner to-day.
Tommy said afterward, when the teach
er had gone away: Il 'spose yer
think yer done fine thing by roundin'
on me, but, as it happens, l amt got
no dinner to go home to. Yah, yer
sneakr'-Judy.
The Wise Juryman: A Juryman who
had Assisted In Reaching Wise Con-
clusion in Several Cases of Importance
was Complimented by the Lawyers on
his Wisdom, and he replied: Really,
/ Deserve no Praise for what you Mem
ton. for I was sound Asleep during
your Arguments. Moral: The less
Lawyer the wiser the Verdict.
tr0it Free Press.
''Will you look me up the origin of
the word rink, papd?" Certainly,
my dear; but why do you wish me to
do SOP" 81 have taken notion to
learn roller skating, and | have a curl
osity to know what the word rink is
derived from" .'If you are going to
learn roller skating l would advise you
to become acquainted with the word
equilibrium, for you'll want to know
more about it than about rink when
you put on the rollers.
Children have funny ways of express
ing themselves. Johnny, who was
born and raised in the city, went up to
Portsmouth, nice little town on the
Ohio, not long ago, and when he came
home he had much to tell. s'By the
way, Johnnie" asked his father, sis
Portsmouth as big rs Cincinnati?"
"Well, no. papa, guess not. That is.
there amt nearly SO many houses, but
there's ever so much more world. -
Merchant IfGUeter.
William Green, now in Auburn Pris-
on for bigamy, in conversation with a
reporter the other day, gave the fol-
lowing as an excuse for leaving his Os-
the cause" said he. "When married
her believed her to be alone in the
world. We moved to Watertown, and
while there she visited Hannibal.
When she returned to me she brought
with her six youngsters. all of whom
called me dad 1t was more than /
could stand. ."-Albany argus.
One Andalusian said to another: 81
say. mate. must have dropped off to
sleep all of sudden last night, for
when awoke this morning | found my
hand on my forehead just as l left it
when signing the cross on lying
down." ''Why, man, that's nothing.
III tell you what once happened to me.
One morning as | aWoke l found my
self resting with my hands on the bed
and my body stretching out in the air. "
''What?" Il must have gone to sleep
in the act of jumping into bed. "-Du6-
lin Times.
Workhouse boy, who had been ap-
prenticed to small farmer, brought
up, as he had run away. Guardian
Ibid they beat youP" Boy-''No. sir"
Guardian Then why did you run
away Boy please sir, soon after
got there pig died; they salted it,
AA0 w hou 1uI " CoG Il taiL
died, and they salted it, and we had
fur to eat that; then masters grand
mother died. and l seed 'em taking
some salt upstairs, SO run'd Il away
London Topical Times.
A wild-eyed man entered a Chatham
street pawn-shop and wished to see
some pistols. i sells you dot pistol
for two dollar" said the clerk. ..rH
take it, Load it up, and before an-
other sunrise p1l put an end to my mis-
erable existence Vat! You shoot
yourseiluf nit dot pistol?" Yes"
said the wild-eyed man, desperately.
MIR. 1saacstein," called the clerk to
the proprietor in the back room,
E'der shentleman wants a two-dollar
pistol to kill himselluf NIT. Vat shall
do?" ''Sharge him five dollar. y
NsaO York San.
John Shorger has been paying
marked attention to Miss De Smythe,
one of the bellies of Texarkana. He
has come very near proposing several
times, but did not dare risk it for fear
she might refuse to amalgamate. He
got around it very nicely, however.
while escorting her home from church.
He said: ''Miss De Snythe, If there
is anything in the world l dislike it is
to have young lady refuse me. 1 wish
you would tell me if you would say
yes in case l were to ask your hand
in marriage" She suggested that he
try it, but he thought he had better
wait awhile until he could see his way
more clearly.-1eras SJtings.
One of the dry-goods stores has lost
q customer, one of the handsome clerks
has lost his situation, and all through
his miserable education at the tele-
phone. The lady in question is deaf
and carries a little tube, with the usual
mouthpiece, to speak into. The other
day she came up to the counter and as
preliminary to the conversation
touching her proposed purchase, she
put the tube to her ear and handed the
mouthpiece to the clerk. He immedi-
ately put his mouth to it and called
out ''Hellon' and before he recollected
him msalf the customer had tiOuncad ont