The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-09-13


not know how they got to where Ms Carey was
got measured for dress coat they had not got
on as fast as some other girls" and so on. Go,
Mr.. Howells. get thee to grammar and
rhetoric.
The old time seaserpent was entirely without
prestige as watering place diversion during the
season just closed. The hump-backed whale
was the favorite. and no frstclass resort could
do a successful business without this novel at
traction.
It is suggested that we get even with France
by presenting her with a colossal statue in
return for the Bartholdi goddess. The Rev. 10.
Cook delivering his lecture on the Seven Won
ders' would be an eminently appropriate and
interesting subject for suchsa gift
The women who carry bouquets and delicacies
to the St Louis murderer are not more repre-
hensible than the Jail officials who permit such
idiocy. If man sees woman about to make a
fool of herself it is his duty, if possible, to pre-
vent it.
A machine to prevent collisions with icebergs
has been invented. If some genius will graphic
with and drag off the iceberg which has evident
ly bumped up against our month of September,
a grateful public will at once present him with a
Aattering testimonials
Boston paper says the worst thing that can
happen to a man is to be shut up in a summer
hotel on wet day. Deluded man; 1t would be
infinitely worse to be shut out of such hotel on
such day.
Owenton, KY. complains of water famine.
Tho average Kentucky attitude toward water is
like that Of many women toward the ballot they
don't exactly want it, but they don't want any
body to say they shan't have it.
Notwithstanding Miss Cleveland's misquota-
ton of Shakespeare, and too lavish use OF back
ofthedictionary Latin her book is far brighter
book than Queen Vctorias, and has sold better
than any one of George Elots, which is crafty
ing, according to the American idea
Sitting Bull is an ardent devotee of American
pie, and has solicited recipes for distribution
among his people. If tie proper formula is fur
nished our much-abused but favorite edible may
yet take rank as a most effective weapon of
determination.
Woman's demands for the ballot must be
strenuousy resisted so long as specimens of the
sex continue to get up in the dead of night, and
drink cockroach exterminator instead Of medi
cine. No feminine mind prone to such careless
habits could ever stand anything $50 wearin' as
votin."
The farm house that you read about in books
is rapidly becoming thing of the past Archi-
tectural iim-iams have reached the rural dis
tricts, and the modern farmers wife, like her
city sisters aspires to be mistress of yellow
house, with blue bay-window. green porch, a
red roof, and purple chimney.
Buffalo hunting in the wild West has been so
recklessly INDUCED in by American and English
sportsmen that the noble bison is almost an ex
tinct species. Unless some limits are fixed to
this wholesale slaughter, the fiery. untamed cir
Gus buffalo Of the future will of necessity be a
skilful arrangement of cow horns and carriage
robes.
The centenarian who lately committed suicide
in New Orleans was perfectly justified in so
doing. if the newspaper report is reliable. 1t
states that he went to the stable, tied a rope
around his neck that was used for hauling up
hay, and, cutching the short end in his two
hands, jumped off" Life could hardly be worth
living to any old man whose neck was used for
hauling up hay.
Thoreau's Delightful Bit" which is SO much
admired and was valiantly defended by "a.
w. B." in recent journal, is a charming bit of
theory. but would hardly stand investigation by
the cold, practical. unprecedented hand of fact.
The man who would go browsing about in the
woods during rain (no woman would harbor
such an insane notion for an instant-it would
take the crimp out Of her hair, draegle her
petticoats, and give her dreadful cold In her
head, would doubtless be very ''dem, damp.
moist, unpleasant body" by the time he con-
cluded to return to the bosom of his family. He
would probably sink up on the back porch and
commence stamping the mud from his boots.
His wife would half open the door and peep out
at him.s She would then. no doubt, feel moved
to make few remarks. "Mercy, sakes What
have you been up to now2 Didn't you have an
umbrella? Where did you find all that mudl
Don't come in here; wait till I come out and
brush some of the water off of you'll" Man,
beast, or bird that has been exposed to a shower
is miserable looking object, and it is hard to
believe that the sights, sounds, and odors of
primeval forests at such times can really be
comparative. The civilized man is slave to
his umbrella, and rainy weather is most
delightful through window from the comforta-
ole stand point offered by an easy chair and 8
good book. EMMA CARLETON.
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