The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-11-19
SHE BECAME A MORMON.

81 don't say as approve of Nor
monism," observed the old man as he
chewed away at fresh quid; .'but 1
owe one o. them ere Mormon elders a
debt of gratitude kin never pay"
..How's that?' asked one of the
group. -.s-....
"Waal, don't mind tellin' We the
circumstance to while away the time.
Long bout twenty years ago, when l
had some shape to me, widder up in
the Chenango. valley got struck on
me. was mashed on her. 1t was q
sort of mutual fire insurance company.
Two hours after first sot eyes on her
she squoze my hand. l responded by
hugging her waist. She called me her
deary. 1 called her my dovey. Dang
my buttons, if we wasn't engaged in
less'n five hoursr
WAS she nice?"
''Um! She was an angell For about
four weeks / was the happiest man in
York state. 1t seemed as if trod on
air half the time. Bimeby a dark
shadder got up and bumped itself
across my azure sky"
''What was itP"
'Why, L diskiyered that the widder
had her faults. She had a temper like
an old meat-ax, she smoked q pipe,
she walked in her sleep, she believed
in dreams. We had little tiff, same
as all lovers, and she picked up an old
scythe and run me half mile. Then
l begun to claw off"
Wanted to break, ehP"
"The wust way. She begged my
pardon. and called me deary and
dovey, and allowed that 1 was the
noblest Roman on earth, but insisted
that the silver cord was busted. Then
she sued me for breach of promise
damages, $4,000"
''That was tough.
"Yes, | sweat over it like yoke O.
cattle DRAWN in hay. The day the
suit was to be called I driv down to
the depot to take the train for the
county seat, and I found her there.
She come right up an shook hands as
if nothin' had happened, and when we
went into the cars she says, says she:
John Henry. 'tain't your money
I'm after. but it's you l want
But you can'thave me, Lucy Ann,'
l answers.
".Mebbe not, but you had no right
to promise me-
"Waal, purity soon looked down
the car and / spies a Mormon elder.
! knowed he was, cause I'd seen him
in Attica. He was a missionary sent
out to gather in the harvest. The
harvest had been mighty slim. and he
looked as glum as a grasshopper left
behind the drove. l goes over to him
and softly says:
Elder, what of the causeP"
""Tis glorious one, he answers.
And the converts?
Rayther skeerce.'
Say, elder, do you want to make
a hundred dollars and fust-class con-
vert at the same timer 1 axed him.
.''lf it ar the Lords will,' he
solemnly answers.
"Waal, sent him over to talk to
Lucy Ann, and in fifteen minutes she
whistles to me. goes over, and they
was squeezing hands and lookin' ever
lastin' bliss into each others orbs.
John Henry says she, "a widder
woman may want money. but she
wants q second husband wuss. Let's
dicker.'
".How much to squelch the suit,
Lucyp'
".Gimme two hundredr In twenty
minutes had it all fixed, and in three
days she headed west with the elder"
Ever hear of her afterward"
''Slightly. About year after met
the elder over in the Mohawk valley.
He wouldn't speak to me-"
"'Whence this disdain? says l, as l
driv him into a fence corner.
":Alasr sighs he, but you were too
good. She broke my jaw, busted my
harem, and kicked so much of the
stuffin' out of Brigham Young's bible
that we can't lind 'nuff scriptur' to
hold prayer-meetin' on. Go way,
designin' villain, go way
"And went IN Y Times. s