Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1885-03-27
! ASKING FOE A PASS.

ASKING FOE PAss
Hi Eye Constructs . Form Of Appeal Suitable
for Editors.
The general passenger agent Of
prominent road leading out Of Chicago
toward the south tells me that he is
getting a good many letters lately
asking for passes. and he complains
bitterly over the awkard and unsatis-
factory style OF the correspondence.
Acting on this suggestion, and though
little late in the day, perhaps, have
erected the following as a kind OF
guide to those who contemplate writ
ing under similar circumstances:
OFFICE OF THE EVENING SQUEAL,,'
Jan. IA, 1884 PASSENGER
AGENT GREAT NORM AMERICAN Cir
THERE RAILROAD, Chicago, In.-Dear
Sir: I desire to know by return mail
whether or noyou would be pleased to
swap transportation for kind words.
am the editor of The Squeal, published
at this place. It is a paper pure in
tone, worldwide in its scope, and ire
sistible in the broad sweep of its
mighty arm. -..s%s
+ l desire to visit the great exposition
at New Orleans this winter, and would
be willing to yield you few words of
editorial opinion set in long primer
type, next to pure reading matter,
and without advertising marks.
My object in thus addressing you is
twofold. I have always wanted to do
your road kind act that would put
I it on its feet, but have never before
had the opportunity: This winter I
feel just like it, and am not only will
! ing hut anxious. Another object,
| though trivial, perhaps. to you, is
vital to nae. If 1 do not get the pass I
am afraid shall not reach there till
the exposition is over. You can see
for yourself how important il is that l
should have transportation. Day at
Ter day the president will come on to
the grounds and ask if l am there.
! Some official will salute him and All
swer sadly: "No, your highncss, he
has not yet arrived, but we look for
him soon. He is said to be stuck in a
mudhole somewhere in Egypt Then
the exposition will drag on again.
You may make the pass read, For
self. Chicago to St. Louis and return, "
and will write the editorial. or you
may make it read "Self and wife, -
aud / will let you write it for your
self. Nothing is too good for my
friends. When man docs me a kind
act, or shows signs of affection, Just
allow him to walk all over me, and
make himself perfectly free with the
policy OF my paper.
The Even,mg Squea1 has been heard
everywhere. We send it to the four
winds of heaven, and it's influence is
felt everywhere the English language
is respected. And yet if you want to
belong to my coterie OF friends, you
can make yourself just as free with its
editorial columns as you would if you
owned it.
And yet The SQzeal is q bad one tc
stir up. I shudder to think what the
result would be If you should incur
the hatred of The S4eseal. Let us avoit
such a subject, or the possibility Of
such calamity.
The Sq1eal once opposed the 2andi
dacy of certain man for the office o.
school-district clerk, and in less thar
, four years he was a corpse! STRUCK
down in all his wanton pride by ont
of the popular diseases of the day.
My paper at one time became thu
foe of a certain road which tapped
. the great cranberry vine yards O
northern Minnesota, and that very fal
the Gran berries soured on the vines!
I might go on for pages to show
8 how the pathway of The Sq~eal ha
been strewn with the ruins of rail
roads. all prosperous and happy til
they antagonized US and sought tt
injure us.
I believe that the great journals ant
trunk lines of the land should stand il
: with ono another, If you have tn
support and moral encouragement 0
! the press you will feel perfectly FREE
| to run over anyone who gets on you
, track. Besides, if l held a pass owe
your road should feel very much re
served about printing the details Q
any accident, delay, or washout alon;
. your line. ! aim to mould public opin
} ion, but q man can subsidizc and COZ
D rupt me if he goes at it right. / writ
this to kind Of give YOU pointer as t
how you can 60 to work to do so
. you see tit.
Should you wish to pervert my hig
;, moral notions, in re lation to railway:
i please make it good for thirty days
: as it may take me q week or so t
n mortgage my property and get read
c to g. i'll good style. / will let 20
r know on what day will be in Ne
- Orleans, SO that you can come an
see me at that time. Should you hav
g difficulty in obtaining IN audiene
IL with ME, owing to the throng (
y crowned heads, just show this aut'
% graph letter to the doorke >per, and /
n viii show YOU right in. Wipe 70,
boots before entering. Yours truly,
DANIEL WEBSTER BRIGGS,
s. Editor Of The !Squeat.
L 1t is my opinion that no railros
% official, however disoblieing, won
', hesitate moment about which wa
+ he would swing after reading an cpist
!, after this pattern. Few, indeed, a
IL the men who would be impolit
Up enough to incur the displeasure of SUI
e. a paper as I have artfully representa-
of Tie Squeal to be. BILL NYE.
-, HUDSON, Wis, Jan. IA.
"a .-Louiscille Couricr. Journal.
y ------~--.-
Is The Dynamiter's Weapon.
is The wretches who fight their b attl
L -