The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-08
CRANKS AT FUNERALS.
Persons who Attend Such Services Frequent
ly and There Enjoy Themselves.

perslstentlv inquired OF strangers on broadway
if General Grant was dead. When answered in
the affirmative he wept piteousy and finally
threw himself on the pavement crying, Poor
General Grant is dead" When told by police
man that the General was not dead, the man
believed the statement and manifested great JOY
In court he had so fully entered into this new
emotion that he imagined he recognized the
General in the person Of the presiding juctice.
reporter for the Sun asked well known un-
dertaker what he thought about the case.
Il have no doubt" said he, that it is faith
fully described. In my experience as director
Of funerals have observed some very curious
instances of the effect Of excessive morbid eX-
element on mems actions. These emotions,
which the public seldom hear about except IN
times Of great popular affection, we meet with
regularly In the case described can see only
painful exaggeration of kind of unnatural
excitation which is especially likely to occur IN
cases such as that of Grant and Garfield, where
the sad events have been painfully prolonged
In the more sudden catastrophe OF Lincoln we
heard less about the grief cranks. The severe
types of this curious affection get into the police
courts and insane asylums The milder and
more chronic cases find their craving for grief
satisfied by attending funerals.
Funeral cranks become rather more plentiful
after great man dies, provided the popular ex-
element is great enough to stir them up; but
the degree of greatness in the deceased does not
affect the crank directly for it is really the pop
ular excitement and not grief for the great man
which develops his interesting attacks. Thus,
when Charles O'Conor died the light-headed men
of grief were few. Garfeld's death produced an
lnexhaustible supply, more than were ever seen
before or since. The real fact is that in large
majority of cases these morbid manifestations
OF grief are not the genuine article-they do not
arise from grief at all. When the remains of
Lincoln were lying in State at the City Hall, |
saw big man. of at least two hundred pounds
weight, sitting on the steps weeping as though his
heart would break. Everybody sympathized
with him. and even the policeman forbore to
tell him to move on. | saw tears in the officers
eyes. l was new to my business then, and was
going forward to speak to the man, when |
caught the eye of old DR.. NJ, whom L knew to
be very kindhearted man, but who seemed to
be laughing at me. stepped over to him. You
will do we'll said he, to tie up your sympathy
and preserve it for your friends or for profess
slonal use. That man is in full enjoyment of
his apparent misery. He is hilarious with grief
lie is not insane, but he has the insane tempera-
ment This emotional excitement grows out of
his impressibity. He makes leather betting in
the swamp, and never saw the deceased Pres-
dent until now / found that the doctor was
right in every particular Two years afterward
the belt maker lost his grandmother, and in
directing the funeral | observed that he behaved
most decorously-qute i'll proper and becom-
ing manner admirably suited to a relative of
two removes. You see, no one had worked him
up to an unnatural excess.
AS to some people taking a real enjoyment
in grief, or what appears to be grief there is no
doubt about the fact itself whatever the cause
of it may be. The ladies have appeared at four
or five of my most important funerals during the
past ten years who made preparations for the
events quite as deliberately they would for
ball or reception. l thought they might belong
to the order of quiet funeral cranks, because
they did not speak to the real mourners
watched them without learning the full extent
of their peculiarities. however, until two years
ago, when a confidential servant of theirs died.
The sister of this individual told me that the
two ladies made each others acquaintance at
funeral where one of them tainted and the
other took care of her. Each learned that
the other was attending the funeral Of a
stranger, and that the indulgence of this
passion was the only amusement-so to
speak-that the other had. Both were friend
less and of refined manners, and from that time
they lived together. For several noted funerals
they have prepared new and expensive dresses,
and carried out every detail with delcacy and
precision. They do not seem to be vain or to
wish to attract attention. They always weep at
affecting parts of the discourse, intone the
hymns, join reverently in all the religious
observances, and behave in very exemplary
manner generally There is only one kind of
deception about them, and that is so harmless
that no one cares about interfering. If they
find any fair show of given spoken sympathy
to the relatives, they will do it. Some such
attention offering prayer book will
start them up In these cases they will tell
pretty stiff yarn about how they had always
been interested in the deceased person on ac
count of some resemblance to a beloved friend
etc. They get through with the lying as
soon as possible, and thus all hands Join griefs
so to say, and have it out. My informant tells
me that in private life they are hearty eaters
and have especially fine appettes after square
day of atfliction. They've got one daughter be
tween them, who appears to be cheerful, but
their former servant seemed to think She too
would have refined taste for grief, because she
ate slate puncs.
Women seem to enjoy grief, both for public
and private characters, more than men do. But
men have the taste oftener than people suppose,
though they sometimes conceal it. | know a
considerable mum Der of men who 20 to a funeral
every chance they get Some few Of these men
have popularity that have never noticed in
women at all. They like to play the part of a
person wholly bliehted with affection. Then
they gather IN the sympathy You would be
surprised to SEQ them shed real tears and to
note how long they can keep it up. l think that
in rare instances they believe themselves
for the time. really afflicted. On one occasion
last winter had to tell one of them a good
handy, we'll dressed man to have at a funeral
that he must wind it up-his object was too ap-
parent. They usually start in as mourners. and
behave all right, butt they have this tendency to
draw others for sympathy. / have known
them to speak eloquenty of the deceased person,
and OF his long affection for them give anecdotes
of his boyhood, etc, when they had never seen
the person, and knew nothing about him. Now.
with women, whether they are running make
believe grief or not, the tendency is to give out
sympathy. AS the inclination of this kind of
male funeral crank is to take it in, | find that
persons of opposite sexes are more apt to come
together in these cases than those Of the same
sex. Hence l have to be watchful. But now
and then a supposed crank turns out sharper.
| had chap couple of years ago who
had attended some of my best arranged
affairs, and behaved so well that took some
stock in him. He had recognized and mon
toned to me some fine points about nv man
agement, and l thought him as harmless a
funera. crank as the rest. But one day he
came to large affair we had in church, with
a widowers weed on his hat and l watched
him. He was the most woe-begone being
had seen for long while. and in ten minutes he
had three nicelooking women around him AS
/ approached he telling them that he felt
call to go to ladies' funerals since his wife died,
two months ago, and he could think of no other
way of getting consolation, etc. led the afflict-
ed man gently aside. as though to chin his az