The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1885-07-26
SQUID.
=" 4 little nonsense now and then

"iet me see your tongue llttIe furred; you'll
be all right In a day or two. You must keep away
from the river II you VIII 90 hshlng aud sleep out
| you're bound to shake. There was enough malaria
| In you to sicken regiment. Don't your head feel
| like tunnel with a train running through it?"
cts buzzlng lively"
"Thats right. want II to buzz. I'll drop In
| again this evening. You can give him." said the
doctor to Mrs Squid, "a little broth and toast with
out butter"
And the doctor left another prescription and went
ont very quietly, and Mrs s. sat down at the foot of
| the bed, began tanning herself and said:
"shall get your broth now, dear9"
"Nop
"Nogp
"No That's just exactly what said; no, no, nor
"Now, dear, don't be cross.'
"Brothl Why in thunder do you think wish to
eat? Eatl Victuas have no more taste than chips.
He said my liver was out OF order when he was here
yesterday, What the devil does he know about my
liver? My liver amt here; it's In California"
sin California;
"Yes, in California. It was out OF order-so de-
clared by the speaker, and that's me--last month,
and ! consulted another doctor down on New York
avenue and he took 1t out to examine II, told me to
leave 1t for few days, and he'd TX 1t all right.
We'll, went for 1t and he said 1t all right put II
back Just where 1t belonged but he discovered few
days after that that he had mixed lot OF lvers up
given me the wrong one, and the gentleman who
got mine had gone to California"
son. said Mrs. s.. getting up with a startled
look, "you're dsliriousl"
"Rshawi Delirous. am II? What do women know
about the advances made In medical and surgical
science? Surgeons can change fellows organs
now. That was never dreamed OF score of years
ago. There was Thompson, who used to come here.
the most delicate, the most abstemlous man ever
knew; he didn't eat enough to keepa bird alive. He
left his stomach with medical man TO examine and
repair went back for 1t, had 1t replaced and since
then he bred a famine at WIZARDS, the Riggs, the
Arlington, then he went to the Ebbit and Gale
willard had to shoot him. He became the biggest
eater on record. 1t appears that the doctor made
mistake In his case too; instead OF giving him his
own stomach he gave him a Methodist preachers
which he had been treating"
"oh, dear, you must not talk so. Try to sleep
awhile"
"Certainly, to be sure, III sleep, I will. Don't
you know that IL fellow could sleep lust when he
wished 1t would be poor arrangement? Speaking
| OF sleep reminds me that when we were up fishing
Jones was sleeping on the bank one day and lobster
crawled into his ear ="
"a lobster!"
"Yes, lobster, four.pound lobster, and Jones
said II the thing would keep stlll he wouldn't mind 1t
much, but 1t kept crawling about and nearly tickled
his brains to death, so gunner came along with his
breech.loader and Jones got him to fire both barrels
into that ear, and that drove the lobster ont of the
| other ear, and --p
"Now, dear. you really must not talk any more.
| Please don't"
swell, wort. Talk! Amt western member.
I'll ask leave to print" And Mrs. $. SAT looking
| upon me with an anxious eye and her good face
| looking very sympathetic.
was confoundedly sick and knew 1t. A terrible
headache shouted, Z" You're sick;n bounding pulse
gurgled, You're sick;" parched tongue and the
bad taste OF blessed water wagged, "You're sick;"
feverish brow and trembling hands said "You're
SICK, and medley of fantastic thoughts and rdcu-
| ous concelts flashed through my poor brain, and
mighty sphere, as vast rs Saturn, hung above me by
spiders thread, and bird. as wicked as sin and as
big as Sndbads Roc, plucked that thread asunder
and down thundered that sphere upon my poor body,
dashed 1t into a million fragments, and was dead.
| portly man, an honest man, gOod-looking man,
man with kindly smile and bright eye with
| round face without a hair upon 1t, and he was
dressed In fine blue iannel, aud he wore Macsinaw
straw hat with broad blue band around 1t, and he
had white silk sun. umbrella In one hand and big
palm-eaf fan IN the other, and lie walked with
slow, rolling, sailors gait, and he pulled and blew
with the heat, and his fair round belly quivered as
| he strobe along.
| show are you 2" said he.
"Only tolerabe. I'm dead"
$50 am |. l was coming down the Vale of Life
quite comfortably, hut the noted old assassin Apo
plexy, was hiding behind the hedge and he whacked
me on the back of my head with his fatal bludgeon,
and here am What's this?"
ga river, should say. How dark 1t rolls and how
| broad II is"
"Let's look for bridge"
"a bridge! Were 1t as long as European hotel
bill 1t could not reach across Perhaps we'll find
| ferry hereabouts. All, here Is one indeed. Sir
Ferryman, can you paddle us over?"
"veriy that's my trade. Get In"
"And what viii the cost he, friend? said the
gentleman In blue, as We took our seats "Nothing,
surely. III do 1t with great pleasure for you, and
wherefore? I'll have SO much less cause for exer-
ton henceforth that I'll take you to secure for my
self needed rest hereafter. know you WELL"
"Me?"
SEVEN YOU"
Sand yet know you not Were every moment
1eweled with joy, yet every jewel brings nearer
to the Great Beyond which is yonder, presume
Who are you?''
81 am Charon."
"No! And this il -"
"The Styx."
"Geminl Christmas! How warm and sultry it is,n
said the Gentleman In Blue, taking or his coat and
tanning himself.
sand who are you ?" said Charon to me.
"1-Im a newspaper man."
"Indeed. Then you're deadhead, of course"
"Bnt have no wish to CO."
"That doubt not, but you must You'll ind
thousands of your craft on the other sde."
As Charon bent to his oars he said to the Gentle
man In Blue:
81 ask you, IN all conscience, II you think 1t was
fair thing to spout yonr lectures and thus keep this
boat crowded night and day? Don't you suppose
want rest? Or do you take me for mule? used
to get along very well with a trip day, but since
you began can't make trips fast enough to accom-
mo1ate the people like to make them comforta-
bic and was thinking of putting few more boats on
my line, was just abont ordering them indeed. or
chartering steamer, but now that you have come
my business will fall of tremendously know, and
can take much needed rest"
"Will We be long crosslng?" asked the Gentle
man In Blue.
"No; we're there now"
An awiul place it was Indeed looking like roll
Ing mill and mighty crowd of imps, with direfnl
welcomes, locked down to the shore TO greet US and
escort us to the throne upon which the King OF
the Domnions, surrounded with all the pomp and
majesty, and his Court
"There ID a dreadful smell OF brimstone here"
said the Gentleman In Blue to me.
81 wonld 1t were smell only" saia l. but let US
walt while. doubt not but we'll 1nd friends here
ere long"
voice like thunder rolled:
"Who have we here? 2" asked The King.
Chamberlain advanced In his robes OF office
bowed Loyalty to the King and said:
"This gentleman In shabby clothes, with q note
book In his hand aud pencil over hls ear, Is a
newspaper man."
"Pardon me, Sir Chamberlain; you said -
A newspaper man, Sire"
"Ahl Why came he here Were there wire
hence, he wonld make mischief here, and then we |
have too many OF them even now. Our lowest Dit ID
gorged with them, and whatever transpires within |
our Court Ia buzzed about too quickly. We have seen
them below drinking molten lead out OF stoveplpes, |
yet sticking type. Send him down. |
"And this, Sire, Is -"
"Why bless our SOUL" said the King, "y0u have |
no need, Sir Chamberlain, TO present him. Come |
friend, aud take your seat even here. Fear not but
come up higher. We have awaited your coming
with much impatlence. Chief among ten thousand |
and altogether lovely, listen unto us. You are
doubly welcome here aud drink 10 you; give me
the cup and let the Kettle 10 the trumpet speak, the
trumpet 10 the cannoDeer without, the cannons TO
the heavens, the heavens TO the earth, now the
King drinks 10 the Gentleman In Bluep
Right brayey and l0yally did the Gentleman In
Blue advance 10 the throne ana said
"sre, In all modesty, thank you for this. Long
have labored for you above, lfor about thousand
dollarsa nlght,) aud am pleased and gratilied TO
think my crude Efforts have thus met your high
consideration. knew not that you would sIoop to
listen unto them, but see that prophet is some
times known abroad"