Daily Republican., 1885-07-16
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

N ~ IL Al ~ IN Z N N III Elm l..
A thoughtful wi,e.-A friend saws he
has dear, loving little wife and an
excellent house keeper. On herbirthday
she moved her low chair close to hit
side. He was reading. She placed her
dear little hand lovingly on hts coat.
collar. He felt nice all over. He GER
tainly expected kiss. Husband, y
SAID she. What. ny dear ?" was
ust thinking" Were you. nv
love 2" -" was just thinking how ics
ly this suit of ofclothes you have on would
work into rag carpet"
often think, Brown, Of the atfoc.
tionate pair you and your wife were
before marriage. How do you find /,
now, after ten years Of double harness,
old fellow" "We were pretty affectio,
ate then, were we not?" You were
indeed. ." " Well,it's much the same,
Istill-with slight difference" " How
is shat?" {" was pretty badly smitten
before marriage, and I've boen pretty
badly smitten ever since-the only diff
ference being In the manner Of smit
ing"
A lady called on a friend who had
only been married few years, and wa
surprised to tind her in tears. al am
the most unhappy woman in existence.
and 1t Ia all on account of my husband %
Why, your husband lives for Won
alone. He stays at homo all the time
he never goes away from home b.
never brings any friends of his to the
house" Yes" replied the unfortu.
nate woman, putting her handkerchief
to her eyes and sobbing uvulsively.
/" OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES mis-
erable."
There is something that has preyed
heavily on my mind ever since our On
gsgement, dear" he said " but l air
almost afraid to tell you OF it." "What
is 1t, George ?" ths young woman ask
ed anxiously. 81 am a somnambu.
list" "Oh. is that all ." she exciaim
led, with sigh of relief "I have al
ways been Church of England my.
self, but, OF course, when we are mad {
one, | shall expect to attend youI
church"
Am | on the right road to the
village?" demanded Traveller OF an OLD
darky who was working in field. "Yes
sab, said the da,ky. The traveller
pursued his way, but presently return
ed, very irate. Il say" he shouted u
the old fellow, what did you mean BY
tslling me that ! was on the right roao
To the village?" toll you de truf-
deed did, boss" replied the darky-
hut yo' TUX de wrong iirekshun
sah."
He wasn't afraid First husband
lts mighty late we must be getting
home. I'm afraid my wife will loci
me out" Second husband What
lock you out? I'm not afraid of N,
wife doing that" f. H.: "No"'
Is. H.: Certainly not. If she lock o.
me ont she would dsprive herself of th'
satisfaction of giving me blowing
up, and she wouldn't do that for tn,
world"
al A son OF Erin went to get glass o
ale. The barmaid handed out tn
lass, which Pat noticed was q YER,
small one. While the customer wa
> drinking, the girl was praising the ale
and remarked that it was seven year
old. Chow ould ?" asked Pat
" Seven years." was the reply. "Well
I bedad, it's mighty small for its age"
An electrician predicts that within
-
e phone and not on ~ talk to the man a
the other end, but see his face an,
, features. The wives OF com mercia
travellers can then call up their hus
t bands in distant towus and see il thei
noses are getting red.
Il Jones Yes, sir, is very hard {,
collect money just now. ! know it.
Smith: "Indeed have you tried T.
collect and failed ?" Jones "Oh
mo-" Smith How, then, do yo,
know that money is hard to collect o
Jones Because, several people hav
tried to collect of me p
/ I'm sorry, George, that papa ha
refused you; but you must ask hin
again. know he has a sole." "Do yo,
think 30, darling?" "Oh, know it. ;
|" Well, then, you must have seen hin
bid me good evening last night. Yes
indeed, love, your father has q sole
land a thick one"
Two hundred persons were present q
a wedding recently and partook of g
cake made by the bride, who ooulc
speak several languages, and was other
wise talented. Two days later the LEAD
ing druggist in the neighborhood sold
all the dyspepsia crre" he had in hi,
shop.
" How are you, SIN ith % asked o
man of friend whom he had not seeI
for nearly a year. How are all tn.
girls? Are you IS sweet upon Misl
lJones as you used to be 2" "Oh, no
left that off several months ago. u
Have a quarrel ?" No, married
her last August"
Experience taught.-A lady TO a
friend What splendid librar,
Iyou have! You must lend me o few
books" The friend regret that /
Unjust decline to doso, because books are
so seldom returned. just fancy AL
these are borrowed I"
Don't yer want to puy Something's? ?"
! No, I've got ever thing 1 need"
Don't yer want to puy tine razor ?''
|" never shave myself" Put may
pc you wants to commit suicide one OF
ldose days"
NO." said an old maid, "I dent
miss a husband very much. 1 have
trained my dog TO growl every time
dummy that can scold when 1 feel
like it."
True diplomacy Is the art of hiding
your money where your wife cannon
hnd it, and then to lie in bed pretend
ing to be asleep as you watch her q,
through your clothes in an unpro
Iductive hunt.
They were having a heated argument.
He said : Stop your quarrellinp
People will think we are crazy" "No,
they won't dear" she replied. They
will think one of us is crazy" "Ah,' .
he responded, there's your egotism
again !"
Well, may hope, then, dearest
that at some time l may have the hap
piness of making you my wife ." eyes,
i l hona So | am aura - she ranliad l