The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-07-30
NO. 70.
Oyes. Oyez:

Experience is the cream OF life--but
it often sours with age.
Sermons at sea are usually the least
attractive OF vessels deck-oration.
The first case of good man orrs--
When Adam took the apple from Eve.
With an eye to business Che amateur
astronomer sweeps the sky for comets,
The business IN which you know
you could make money is generally
the other mans.
"Phwat pectur' is thet We hev thare
Pat?" "The footagraph Of Chicago
actriss."
Minneapolis has an orchestra led by
a man named Danz. We suppose it
plays Danz-in music.
The acme of human misery--For
man troubled with insomnia to be
married to a woman who snores.
1t is sad and solem thought that
Franklin did not discover lightning
until after he was married.
"Who comes not my love to me?"
screams a poetess. Don't be hoggish.
This is his other girls night.
Never mind me-" said Mrs. Jones
before she was married, and that is
exactly what her husband did after
the honeymoon was over.
Sir Isaac Newton's celebrated apple
was fall pippin. Every scientist
autumn make memorandum OF this
gravitatlng fact.
St. Louis husbands never box their
wives ears. 1t would take too much
lumber. The author Of the foegoing
resides in Chicago.
Nothing makes one girl so happy
as to read another girls letters. A
girl couldn't be girl and not read all
her letters to some other girl. Fact.
A candidate says he is in the hands
OF his friends, but he finds before he
is done, that the hands OF his friends
are in him and pretty deep, too.
Chow shall We obtain our heat in
the futureH" asks an exchange. There
is no need.of worrying about that uA-
less man leans toward the revised
edition.
When woman begins to complain
that her stovelifter is too light to suit
her purposes, her husband had better
go into training far starts and foot
races.
Economical wives are getting scarcer
every year There are some married
women who do not save enough in
to year to pay their husbands bar bill
for week.
A writer asserts that unless boy
has some natural ability nothing can
make him smart. Such an assertion
is uncalled for aspersion upon the
powers OF the mustard plaster and
trunk strap.
1t is hard to believe that people
actually go about the country stealing
three and four years old boys. II il is
true it shows that benevolence is more
general than is usually supposed.
"Why, Mrs. Good, what are you
wearing mourning for? Weren't you
only married two weeks ago" "Yes,
but you know Mr.. G.'s first wife has
only been dead u year, and my hus-
band expects me to show proper re.
spect, you know"
Mamma-What's the trouble, dear?
You've said 20, myl" and 30, dearw
at least dozen times?
Little Edith-I'm writing to papa.
IT'S big fraud, so it is.
"What is a big fraud?"
20, this reducing the postage. 1t
doesn't make letter-writing one bit
easier"
"Malinda, / am astonished at you
standing at the telephone with your
hair in papers and your collar crook
, ed!"
"Why, mother, | don't see why that
should matter
80, of course you don't You never
do care how you look. How do you
know who's at the other end OF the
phone. ."--Philadelpia Call
"What are your politics Unclef"
asked an Austin candinate OF an old
negro on crutches.
"1 dunno, Boss"
care you radical?"
"No, sah,
"Are yuu 0cmocratic?'
II reCkin so. Use rheumatic.
Democratic and rheumatic am pretty
much de same, reckin. Dcy sounds
mighty alike"
: The hummer who wished to drink
without money in San Francisco sa-
loon had once been circus perform
er, and he thought that when some
t body offered to pay for all the whiskey
! he could swallow while standing on
his head the task was easy. He in
S verted himself and gulped up a glass
OF spirits. The second was drunk
e with little difficulty. The third chok.
ed him terribly, brought on hemor-