Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-09-17
PlTH AND POINT.

"A correspondent writes us five hun
dred words on postal card announc
ing that she is just recovering from ar
attack of failing eyesight Our attack
is just coming ON. 2. Herald.
"A Pittsburgh woman, who watched
two pugilists, who were suitors, fight
sixteen rounds for her hand, wisely
concluded to take the fellow who got
whipped. He was easier to handle
Pittsburgh Post.
Some people are born to ill-luck
An old woman who has pasted nearly
book during the past forty years has
never been i'll day in her life, and she
is growing discouraged.-Bostom 7rar.
eter.
-..Well. my little man. said the
Bishop to Bobby. lido you remember
me?'' .-Oh, yes SIR replied Bobby.
You stopped with us when you were
here before. Pa thinks it can't cost
you much for hotel bills. y Chicago
1ames.
She did not mean it. but he took
it as hint. It was getting very late,
and suddenly the gas frightened up
very much. why, what caused that?''
he asked. Everybody in the neigh.
borhood is going to bed" she an
swered. -PrOgress.
A captain commanding one of the
British iron-clads, being at grand
bali that had been given to the officers
of the fleet. was accepted by a beauti-
full partner, who. in the most delicate
manner pc ssible. limited to him the pro-
p'ietv ofputting on pair of gloves.
'.O.' was the elegant reply, never
mind me. ma am. [ shall wash my
hands when I've done dancing
Il say, conductor" remarked a
passenger. as he boarded train on a
narrow gauge railroad in the oil ccun-
try (which is the shady side of this
carr Thar hain't no shady side. ="
replied the conductor. who was born in
that region and knows how to speak
the language. mo shady side?'' sNo
sir. Thar's so many curves and twists
on this road an the train runs so fast
that the sun shines on both sides at the
same time. "-Detrol Post.
1t is said of the Boston girl wht
got lost up in the Catskills the other
day that she shouted in an intellectual
tone of voice: Il require assistance
from some honorable man OF culture
and refinement" When the farmer
who found her was leading her back to
the hotel she asked him if he was reg
ular subscriber to the atlantic Monthly.
and if he had read Natural Laws of
the Spiritual World" And when he
said No" she forgot to thank him for
his assistance.-N. Y. Nail.
1t is wonderful what fools boys
o,.o oh yyi1 ou GUMS Mica
boy, and man wants to be appointed
deputy father to the lad. 1t was only
last Sunday that while the man was
strolling down the street with the lad.
he asked: '.Bub. does your mamma
bang her hair?'' and that fool boy an
swered, ooh. no; but you ought to
have seen her bang dads head. Guess
the minister didn't know everything
when he told pap to prepare to die
Prepare! why, he was aching to die.
Boston Pos.
No. CIaribel, we can not tell you
the best way to make clam-fritters. We
have never eaten a clam-fritter.
We have often tried to: but we are COM
PEELED to confess with shame and hui
initiation that we have always failed.
We have eaten homemade boarding
house bread. and we live to tell it. And
we have even got away with a rubber
doll baby by mistake for a cruller.
But we have never yet succeeded in
eating clam-fritter. We have man
aged the fritter part, Claribel, but the
clam part has always remained to
point the finger of scorn at US, and we
are willing that it should do so till the
end of time rather than that we should
tackle it again, Clar bel. -Puct.