Morris tribune., 1885-09-09

The newspaper OF to-day is a library.
1t is an encyclopedias, poem, bio
graphy, a history, prophecy, d.
rectory, time table, romance,
cook book, a guide, n horoscope, an
art critic, political resume, u ground
plan of the civilized world. low
priced multum in parvo. 1t is a SER
mon, song, circus, an obituary,
picnic, shipwreck, a symphony in
solid BREWER, medley of life and
death, grand aggregation of mans
glory and his shame. 1t is. in short
a birtl's-eye view of all the magnan-
unity and meanness, the joys and
griefs, the births and deaths, the pride
and poverty of the world, and all for
two cents-some times. | could tell
you some more things that the
newspaper of to-day is, II you had
time to stay here, and your business
would not suffer in your absence.
Among others, 1t is long felt want,
nine column paper in five-column
town, lying sheet, feeble effort,
financial problem, tottering wreck,
political tool, and sheriff's sale.
He also recommends the establish
ment of schools in which the young
men of to-day may fit themselves for
active newspaper life and suggests a
curriculum. He urges the young and
truly ambitious editor to-be to devote
the first two years to fasting and
prayer, the next three to practice with
dumb-bells, sand bags, slug-shots and
tomahawks, ten years to learning the
topographic cal art. and fifteen years
to the study of American politics, es-
pecially civil servic reform, after
which he Will take a full course in
medicine and surgery.
The next ten years should be devo-
ted to the study of law after which
the student will enter upon u theolo-
gical course of ten years and fit him.
self thoroughly to speak intelligently
of the various creeds and religions Of
the world.
The last ten years, Mr.. Nye thinks
may be profitably devoted to the ac-
QUESTION of practical knowledge of
cutting cordwood, baking beans,
making shirts, lecturing, turning
double hand-springs, being shot out of
a catapult at a circus, learning how to
make a good adhesive paste that will
not sour in hot weather, grinding scis-
sors, punctuation, capitalization, con-
domination, syntax, plain sewing,
music and dancing, sculping, etiquette
prosody, how to win the affections of
the opposite sex and evade a maligant
case Of breach of promise, the
ten commandments, every man his
own tutor on the flute, croquet, rules
of the prize-ring, rhetoric, parlor mag
ic, calisthehics, penmanship, how to
turn jack from the bottom of the
pack without getting shot, civil en-
cheering, decorative art, calcimining
bicycling baseball, hydraulics, botany
poker, international law. high-low
jack, drawing and painting, faro. vo-
cal music, driving breaking team, fiji
teen-ball pool, how to remove grease
spots from last years pantaloons,
Craftsmanship, coupling freight cars,
riding on rail, riding on pass,
feeding threshing machine, how to
wean calf from the parent stem,
teaching school ,bull-wacking, plaster
ing, waltzing, vaccination, autopsy,
how to win the affections of your
wlfe's mother, every man his own
washerwoman, or how to wash under
clothes so they will not shrink, etc.
! etc., etc.
Ignorance on the part of an editor is
almost crime and from the foregoing
it Will be seen what few of the
things are of which an editor must
have a thorough knowledge in order
to write intelligently upon all subjects
and get up an interesting paper.
1t is not so long ago that the test OF
sailors qualifications as a man-of'
wars man was the EXPERIENCES with
which he7could hand, reef, and steer.
He was given trial aloft and allow
and then rated as q first-class seaman
ordinary seaman, or landsman and
lubber. All this is being rapidly
changed by the appearance on the
ocean of complicated collections OF
machinery protected with heavy
armor and called modern warships
When they engage the enemy, it i.
an artillery duel or pounding mattel
at long range, and the lusty calls tt
prepare to receive boarders or for thu
pikemen to advance are never heard
The trumpet no longer calls aloft tt
the nimble topmen, for scarce sal
J remains. There is no running In ant
out of guns. When they are moved
or loaded, it is by machinery. Thi!
is indeed sad day for Jack. TIL,
man who coils rope against the sun
and regards the bowspirit as pro
longation of the keelson, Is on tn,
same plane with him. The captain
, of the tops now stand their watche
in the mcehine shop or stoke hole
and the ships yeoman is set to sti
the duff pudding. 1t is bad enough t
Y have to navigate the seas in q teapot
e as Jack calls the steamer, but now
l there is a tendency t
Q build suhmarine Warships, and thi
4 will drain Jacks cup ofsorrows to tn
> lees. In the old days naval Offices
: were esnert naVlgatefs 80
7 MeEe. and - "ho hotnln
=! .neir crews were sailor
IS To-day tlle officers must be scientis
IS and the men mechanics.-Scientif
IS American.
). Few persons are aware of the eXtel
u sive nature Of the victualing on boar
u the great ocean steamer. The Scie]