Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1885-09-03
T'irsiuia free gress.
W. W. u. GALLAHER, Editor,
wh,JeUefSOh county, Hest va
September 3, 1858,
WIT AND HUlfOR.


The frog is in his downy nest
The pensive goat and spoFtive COW
Hilarious hop from bough to bough.
The first lady in the land-Eve.
Domestic Matrimonial sulks.
Always in debt when there is no necessity
for 1.-THE letter h.
The poor we have always with us, but
the rich-they go to the Springs.
Papa, why do the little pigs get so much
milk" Because we want them to make
hogs of themselves.
The weather in Texas is so warm that
people sit around fires TO keep cool.-Ar-
kopsq,o 7rarcHec.
"The way TO sleep is to think of nothing" 3"
says scientist. All an editor has to do is
to rumnate over his bank accounts.
Papa" Ethel, you mustn't say 4 won't
to papa Its naughty" Ethel" Well, but
papa, what shall say when ] mean !
won't?
An exchange has an article on the " fu-
neral Of the future We have often heard
of the dead past" but we supposed the
future was yet alive.
Mr.. Smiley" Better let me carry the
poodle my dear, and you carry the baby"
Mrs. Smiley" No, no; you carry the baby;
7 cannot trust YOU with Gyp YOU might
drop HIM"
81 Let me see" said a minister who was
filling out marriage certificate and had
forgotten the date, " this is the fifth, is it
not?"
"No, sir" replied the bride, with some
indignation, this is only my second
More than half century ago good New
Hampshire deacon by the name of Day, liy-
ing not far from the White Mountains, had
seven children-six daughters aud one son.
They were known as his six week days and
one son Day.
A Danish tradgedian was recently greeted
with a shower of decayed eggs while per-
forming Hamlet at Copenhagen. He be-
lieves now, more than ever, that Shakespeare
was right when he said there was something
rotten in Denmark.
Hes a man Of extraordinary good mem
ory, I've been told" Il done believe 1t.
"Why not?" 81 heard him talk in clas'
meeting" Well what Of that?' lie
don't seem to remember more than half the
devilment he's ever done"
After all, each Of US has got 70 take hi'
place in the world, high or low, and If We
do our honest best there's neither better mol
worse than ourselves. When it comes to
the end weIl be just as well Oft, whether
we wore diamonds or handouts.
An S-year-old Albany boy the other day
after few moments in deep study turned
to his mother and asked Ma, don't yoI
think we'd better send God word that We
don't want any more children. ."-haeo'
| (Ga.) Telegraph.
| held her tiny hand in mine, and claspce
her fairy form, and told my tale Of arden
love in language sweet and warm. Anc
when paused for want Of breath, she raiseC
her dimpled chin and whispered low,
don't catch on, please sing your song again.
Your wife died while you we're abroa'
last summer. hear" Yes. She's il
heaven. the good old soul" " That ougb
to be great source Of worriment to you.
"Wby 80 2" Because it., not likely tha
you'll ever see her again"
Smith to Jones, Tine latter but recent.
married .-" Well, it wasn't 50 hard after all
was it?v Jones-@ There's something bard
er than getting married" smith" Get
ting divorce, suppose" Jones" No
getting the furniture"
(Which DO you like the best AIis' Flor
enee, rowing or driving" be asked, Is j
looked in her azure eyes.
"Oh, driving, by all means"
"Why ~
"B,cause you have to uss both hands 8
row"
They went driving.
Ayers SarsaDarilla will cure y0ur Caiarrl