Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-03-05
Mnmuruns department.

sa~ One of the citizens of Danbury, Conn.,,
who had just returned from the West, was
telling in grocery store of narrow escape
he had from terrible death. He was cross
ing long railroad bridge on foot, when he
was surprised to see a locomotive coming
around a curve, and tearing toward him at
a terrible speed. The bridge was too narrow
to allow of escape at either side, and he did
not dare to jump into the yawning abyss be-
low. In flash, he took in the situation and
formed his plan of action. He started on a
swift run toward the oncoming locomotive,
and when within few feet of it he concen-
trated all his nerve and muscle into one 2,e ef-
fort, and leaped straight up in the air. The
fearful monster shot under him, and he came
down on the bridge, saved from death, but
seriously shaken by the descent. There was
a moment Of deep silence upon the close OF
the narration. Then one of the company
sighed, and shut up his knife and unexpect,,
edly said: "What is the use of presence OF
mind when a man can lie like that?'
A MANS WAY.-The front steps of a cit
izen have needed repair for many months
past, and almost every day since last Octo-
ber he has promised to send a carpenter
around to fix them. He came home, the
other day, to find that his wife had been
tripped up again by the steps, and this
time she had received a broken limb. She
felt just as any woman would, and as ne
came into the house, stopped groaning long
enough to say:
sThe doctor says Pm laid up for three or
four months, and l guess you'll fix those
steps now." ,, :,
'sThey ought to have been fixed long ago, "
he slowly replied; "but if you are going to
be laid up all summer, won't bother with
'em; I'll come and go by the side door,"
paS Going home in the car the other day,
Cochrane felt that he was not capable OF
doing Justice to the nice weather, and so
turned to melancholy man at his side, and
asked:
"Ever see such weather as this at this
time of yearw ..
The stranger moved about in a nervous
manner, rose up rang the bell, and Whls-
pered:
"Get off here with me-"
The surprised Cochrane stepped off the
car, and when it had passed along, the
stranger said:
eyes, it is remarkable weather. didn't
answer in the car. 1 got taken up for SIAN
der once, and you don't catch me rendering
an opinion before witnesses again."
Coat OR MEAT.-A Knoxville (Tenn.)
negro shows, in his way, genius as tinan-
cier. The Chronicle, of that city tells the in
cident: ...
We lately met an old negro trudging along
with a heavy side of bacon that he had
bought swinging over his shoulder. Motto
ing that he was miserably clad we felt sorry
for him, for cold wind was blowing, and
asked:
"Why do you spend your money formeat?
You'd better buy coat. )"
The old man stopped, looked us full in the
face, and said, in solemn tones:
"Massa, when ak my back for credit, it
gives it; when I speak to dis Qaying his
hand upon hisstomach), it calls for de cash."
OUT OF HER ELEMENT.-"I'm going to
stop attending our church," peevishly ex-
claimed vinegar-faced spinster, not
thousand miles from this place, the other
day.
"Why, what has happened?' ?' anxiously
inquired friend.
''There amt nothing happened, and that's
just what's the matter" continued the spin
ster through her nose. "Here I've been a
regular attendant for MORN two years, and
there haint been no gossip, no scandal, nor
nothing to talk about in all that time, and I
can't see the use of going any longer"
And she squared herself down in chair
with the look OF martyr.
HSS A farmer in Iowa has invented meth
cd whereby he keeps his neighbors' cows
from stealing his hay. He describes it thus {:
IA certain quadruped had sweet tooth for
our hay-stack and did much damage, throw
ing down a seven rail fence and roosting in
our hay. We bought a box of cayenne pep
per took nice lock of hay, placed it out
side, baptized it with pepper, and watch
ed. The animal came along and pitched
into the hay, when suddenly she took the
hint, and, with nose at forty-five degrees,
and tail at ninety degrees, her soul went
marching on, at the rate of 2.4O. That
cow has not come back"
Ms- On a certain occasion, before the poet,
SAKE, had emigrated from Vermont, gen
tlelnan was quoting the opinion of the gov
ernor of that State on some political ques-
tions as if it were conclusive.
"Pshaw, who cares for the governor"
said the tall poet. GA governor is no great
affair." Jnce came within one of being a
governor myself"
"Whatw calculated the other, who knew
that SAKE was defeated by an immense ma
jority, "what do you mean by one?"
''The candidate of the other party" was
the answer.
Too LARGE.-It was hart-fsted son Of
toll who entered dry-goods store, yester-
day and inquired:
"What's the figure in calico now:"
"About seven cents" replied the clerk.
"Too high-too high-she'll never stand
that" mused the farmer.
"We've a very large stock to select from.'
put in the clerk.
Eyes, I suppose so, but won't invest.
My wife wanted me to get her a calico
dress with very small fgger on it, but
that figger is altogether too large!"
A LErTER.-A country woman said to
her son, on his leaving for a situation in
Edinburgh, "Noo laddie, as soon as you
get there, be sure and send me letter."
No sooner had he arrived than he says to
his master:
"Hae ye got an auld letter that is o. nae
mair use to ye?" w
"What are you going to do with t?"
asks his master.
'I'm gaun to send it tae my mither, who
tel't me to send her ane as sune | got to
Embro'."
FREE DIsCUss1oN.-An uptown man.,
who believes in self-improvement, suggest
ed to his wife, recently, that they should
argue some questions frankly and freely
every evening, and try to learn more OF
each other. The question for the first night
happened to be whether woman could be
expected to get along without spring hat,
and he took the affirmative; but when he
was last seen he had climbed up into the
hayloft, and was pulling the ladder up after
him.
Whom a ,vOman aSS pG