The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1885-05-23
A WoMAN's BEST FACULTY.

As rapid and exhaustive observer
| woman outshines man more than the
beauty and glory of day at high twelve
surpasses the flicker of birthstone
match. With one little bat of her eye a
woman can see things to which man,
with all his boosted discernment re-
mains forever blind. The focusing ma
chinery in the visionary department of
her mechanism is always in gear, and
operates with lightning precision with
out hitch or friction. Put her in
cannon and shoot her through a milln-
cry store, andif she survives the shock
to her nerves, she can tell YOU with a
precision that seems phenomenal the
exact shade of every ribbon and the net
amount OF torture to nOn-pOSsessors
represented by every specimen of male
distraction in the entire concern. Send
her aloft in balloon when the wind is
careering over the city with the speed
of young man running through an
hereditary fortune, and she can tell you
the contents of every clothes-line in
town, without stopping to catch her
breath Put her in a sleigh behind
runaway team, if you are obliged to
know the color of every mans eyes
both sides of the street, and have to
know it quick. If you are to have
a fashion report in fifteen minutes
that would take you three weeks
to prepare, send the dear creature
to church. If you want to know
anything that can be seen, shut your
eyes and tell your wife to look. With
one corner of her eye she will see more
in the fragment of an instant than you
could discern in two weeks with field
glass. For breadth, scope and accuracy,
the amount of observation she can
grasp with single wink makes a Gov
eminent survey seem contracted and
deficient. Prof. Proctor himself owns
up that his daughter can see and salt
down more in the butt end of a second
without specks on, than he can behold
with a telescope in a good long astron-
omical spell, and he always wants her
handy during an eclipse or transit to
nail such phenomena as may happen to
get away from him.
A Chicago man went to Washington
to witness the Inauguration and give
the new administration the benefit OF
his experience in tight corners and by
some unaccountable freak of conduct
he took his wife along with him. He
| is man of reasonable veracity, and
| whenever he sWearS to a thing you can
| put it down as coming sufficiently nea
the truth to answer all ordinary pur-
| poses. On returning home. with con
| siderable more experience and a good
| deal less money, he appeared before
| somebody and depOSed that out of all
the vast ocean Of female paraphernalia,
military grandeur, and so on, gathered
in the Capital on that brilliant occasion,
not one thing escaped the clinchin9
gaze of that blue-cyed little woman,
and that a minute description of every
thing with ribbons and rutfies is
| snugly pigeon-holed between her
ears somewhere, for he overheard her
| telling another woman or two all about
| them after the return, with Il cogency
| and conciseness that made him feel as
| though he had been blind from birth.
He avows that he kept his eyes at full
cock during their entire stay, and did
his best to obtain at least a moderately
retentive squint of everything in sight
while his wife Just stood around and
growled about her tight shoes, her
headache, encroaching corset, and 9TH
er female peculiarities, without seeming
to care q buttOn-hook for anything
or anybody or even appearing to no.
tice so much as the season of the year
Time and again, he af1irms, did he lift
| up his voice in most vehement entreaty
as follows, namely, to wit
"Keep your eyes peeled. my dear, and
try to notice something that will make
you remember the place. You may
never have another chance to come
here, and you ought to try and see all
you can while you are about it"
But she gazed not with the rapture
| for which he famished, and he pro-
ceeded with more strenuous intonation;
IN declare it looks like waste of
money to take you travelling. Why
don't you look around and notice things
| while you've got a chance? DO you
| think | went to all this expense for the
| sake of having cigar sign along with
me? Hold up your head and look
around. There's things in sight that
will be petriiied in history. Shake your
| self up and look at 'em while you can,
VI elSe plInulolu SolilScI anu NC uoIl0
| with it?''
But all the solace the enthusiastic
man could get in return was:
80, my headachem or plague take
them shoesn' while the apparent eye
less woman at his elbow stood around
on one foot, and seemed to be getting
about as much benefit from the
| animated scenes around her as a
mole would pick up at an art dis
play. But for all that nothing escaped
the busy eye of the undemonstrative
little woman. Everything went to the
right place under her bonnet, and what
she saw would fill every volume of the
Congressional Globe ever issued, and
leave enough over to keep the Govern
ment printers busy for years to come,
| while her husband was ticEled nearly to
death at the music, and threw up his
hat and stood on his head when the ele-
plant went by, he returned home firm
| ly believing he had seen the whole cir
cus.-E. P. Br01On, IN Chicago Ledger
What Consols Are.