Daily Republican., 1885-01-15
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT


The idea OF putting J Ohm on jury !"
exclaimed Mrs Tompkins, when she
heard that her husband had been sum.
mOned. They might as well order q
new trial right Oft. They won't get
j ohn TO agree on verdict. He Ia the
mOst obstinate man ever saw. l never
knew him TO agree with bis own wife
in Anything, and 1t isn't ut all likely
hes going to agree with people he
doesn't know any thing about. A pretty
juryman he IL p
Young wife My dear, you we're
the stroke oar at college, weren't your"
Young husband Yes, love" And
quite prominent member OF the gy m
mast class 2" 81 was the leader.
" A nj quite hand at athlstic con-
Tests % quite hand q? My gracious!
WAS the champion walker, the best
runner, the head man NJ iiftlng heavy
weights, and az Tor carrying why,
could shoulder u barrel Of flour and
- We'll, love, Just carry The
baby a couple of hours I'm tired.
"No." said Fogg, meditatively,
don't fear what may come to me in
another world H. IL the act OF dying
that lis me with sort OF nAmeless
dread. don't Ink the idta of CT, ssing
the dark river. | always was afraid
of the water you know" You
shouldn't let that worry ytu," repli.-t
Mrs. r.; you'd have a splendid
chance OF drying your clothes when
you reached the other side"
A Heavy Smoke.-The editor of a
certain periouioal was rash enough ~
rem. We few liues from u poem which
he had accepted. whereupon the author
wrote him letter which wound up
thus Aud now, o slanghterer, vivi
sector, mangler, manner, destroyer,
dishgurer, deiormeT, defacer, crippier,
mutt iator, good bye. Put this in your
pipe ami smoke IT.
Biddy (bride of a week.. IAN phat
for, Pat, did yez buy an old rusty stove
like that, sure" Pat Arrah, me
dear. the stove Is all right. It'll cook
Id the best of 'en." Biddy But
look at at the uuld rust all over 1t. IT.,
a. brewu'as Il cherry" Pat: An
sure, can't ys see, mo a~ate, got 1t u
match our walnut parior set lt'i
| ~ ,;hetic am, me dariint."
You've got my seat, SIR" said a
mau on d Texas railroad who had ief
his seat for moment. There Is moth
| ing 10 show that you have retained THU
seat" Look up there ! here Is my
hat box on the rack right over tht'
seat" " Well, then, you sit mp there Oh
your hat. box, il that's where you have
retained your seat.
:" Halo! Where are you going
Don't go up there; It's dangerous.
| Z" What Is the matter 2" They T,
going to blast up in the quarry In "a lev
minutes " Well, there isn't amy
dagger" I" Yes there Ii. On, no
don't think there is l see police
man up there and II there was an,
danger he wouldn't be there"
"What do you mean, Charles, b.
stay Ing 30 long? When you went GU
YOU said you could go over to tn
Browns in ten minutes at the outside
and here you have been gone over wv
hours" Z" said could go over Their
in ten minutes at the outside, and 70
did. The two hours extra, you know
spent inside"
A master was interrogating elias
of boys on the subject of cloth tn
other day. What is this, George :?
said the principal, touching a brigh
eyed pupils uppergarment. A jacket
sir" . What WAS IL made from, III
boy 2" the pupil, after "A few minutes
reflection - My fathers coat, sir"
Smith met Jones on the deck of "A
ocean steamer one calm morning aftt
several days of very rough weathe
Why, declare, JONES'" said Smitl
"you look years older than when
last saw you ~ No wonder,
answered Jones I've had sewers
birthdays lately"
An old lady from the country, WI
attended the opera for the first tin
entered as one of the choruses wi
commencing. "Ah," she remarke,
"they don't care low that they ha'
our money. See. they are all singh
together, 30 that they can get throuG
sooner.
Country doctor (to Tompkins) :"No,
with regard TO that cut on the top
your head, don't think it will be sei
GUS, but you must keep your eye on 1t
And Tompkin ms, who has the slighie
suspicion OF y squinJ, goes away al
talketh evil Of that doctor.
, Don't you think you have a go'
mamma to spread such nice lar
slices of bread and Jam Tor you 2? "a
an old lady Loa little boy who was o
Toying his tea Yes" was the repl
but she would be still better If she
let me spread tho jam on myself"
Why is that man applauding 80 v
ciierousiy near the front p asked
friend of u theatrical manager on I
frs, production of play i'll count
theatre. That long haired man wi
light colored coat % " Yes"
II he's the author of the play"
"Now look here, John Crap" IA
Mrs. Crap a few days ago, ~
needn't he bringin nome any more
10 - them expensive hooks what you IA
n was bound III Turkey. | reckon tn
4. books hound in this c1iatry IL plen
4 good enough tor you aud me"
n A lutte boy ouce ,ske1 his mother
talk TO him and say spmetbiug tunr
"How can 2" she asked " don't y
see am busy baking pies ?' " We
you might say, Charley, won't y
have pie?' That would be fun
for you"
A painter, whose talents were
Indifferent, turned physician. He
asked the reason of IT. SIN painting
)" said he, all the faults are exposed
;, the eye, but in physic they are bur
v with the patient, and one gets m
eas ly off.