The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1885-12-18
SATAN BAFFLED.
A Texas Sketch with n Word for Other
Localities.

Localities.
From Tezas siftings.
Macbeth Simmons, q farmer living
Cd Onion Creek, near Austin, Texas,
went over to see Jim Best, whcsetarm
adjoins that of Simmons.
This year the crops have been ex-
traordinarily fine on Onion Creek. The
corn will average forty bushels to the
acre, and the cotton is all that could
be desired, but Macbeth Simmons is q
chronic GROWER. He is never satisfied
with the weather, or the crops, or
wen with himself. In fact, the better
the crops the more he grumbles.
Jim Best, on the other hand, is q
cheerful, contented sort of aman, who
never grumbled about anything. If he
could not avert a calamity he never
grumbled, because it was OF no use to
grumble. He never grumbled about
those misfortunes he could prevent,
because it was better to do SO than to
grumble about them, so he never
srumbled.
Good morning, Simmons" said
Best, c%heerfully, ''Take a chair in the
shade, and We'll cut o watermelon
after q WHILE"
Simmons answered the salutation
in q despairing sort OF q way, and
having taken achair, began to grumble
about the low price corn was bringing,
then he objected to the kind O fweather
that was going to prevail during the
| coming week.
"Look here, Simmons" said Best,
III don't believe you are ever satisfied.
l don't think it is possible to make
you quit grumbling. By the way, I
had a dream about you last night"
"That means that l am going to die
Of some horrible lingering disease"
! said Macbeth, looking as if he was dead
already. =.E5ai
81 dreamt," continued Best, "that
Satan had been listening to your
grumbling for a long time and had at
last come to the conclusion to try and
see if he he could make you stop it by
giving youeverythingyou wanted. So
One day While you We're blowing inthe
field, and c%ussing the climate, the soil,
the pillow, the mule and everything in
sight, he put in an appearance right by
your SIDE" !.
GLOW did helook?" asked Simmons.
LIZ 1OOhSu dc IL ITO MClC FtClY IluCll
OF a gentleman. He wore peculiarly
shaped boots, he kept his hat on his
head, SO you couldn't see his horns,
and his tail was curled up somewhere!
inside of his clothes. He looked like
q poker-playing member OF the Texas,
Legislature. He had two little
roundboxes withhim. Hesalutedyou
verypolitely and asked you how you
were coming on with your blowing,
and you growled, and said it was
the worst ground to pillow in western
Texas"
"And SO tits" said Simmons, gloom
"Well," continued Best, Satan
smiled a peculiar sort Of q smile, and
said he would try and see what no
could do. He took hold Of the pillow,
and in almost no time he had the
whole field plowed up. Every furrow
was as straight as IN arrow When
Satan had plowed up the field, you
grumbled because youdidn'thavo seed
enough, but Satan only smiled, and
said he would attend to that too, and.
he wentto work and planted the entire
field"
"Nothing of that sort ever happens
to me. / never have the luck to have
anybody help me put in q CROP"
growled Simmons.
"After Satan had plowed up your
field and planted your corn for you,"
continued Best, che asked If you were
satisfied, and you replied that there
was no use of planting anyhow, as
there would he either too much rain,
or too much sunshine, and there
conldn't be any corn raised that year"
CHATS just the way it is in Texas"
said Simmons.
"Satan neverdoe s things by halves"
continued Best, $50 he brought out
the two round boxes and said that one
OF them was full of sunshine and the
other was full of rain, and they were
properly labelled SO you could not
make any mistake. You could
just regulate the weather to suit
yourself, and that he would come
back when the corn was ripe to getthe
empty boxes. Mr.. Satan then went
away. The crops were splendid that
year, and yours in particular, butyou
grunbled as usual. You said corn
would be too cheap, and just then MI.
Satan appeared and having listened
to your complaints, he took one OF
the ears of corn and stripping off the
shuck called your attentions thefact
that your corn was different from 9TH
er corn, us all the grains of your corn
were OF solid, pure gold. Mr.. Satan
thought you would be satisfied with
that corn crop, anyhow, but there's
where he was fooled, foryou pulled the
corners OF your mouth down and said,
in q whining sort OF a way
when | come to get the greenbacks
at The bank for the gold I'll be swim
dlel at least two per cent"
"Then Mr.. Satan got mad and said
thd. as this world was not good
enough for you he would give you a
change to the place wherehe lived, and
the last 7 saw he was going off with
you under his arm, and I smelt q
strong smell of sulphur and then /
woke up, trembling all over, for ! was
afraid somethingha dhappenedt you.
Iamglad to seeyou are stillherein Tex
as, and we'll enough to grumble about
the corn CROP" concluded Best.
eyes," replied Simmons, getting up
to go away, sI've got cold streaks
running up my legs, and that means I
am going to have dumb chills before
long"
The Rose Hill Cemetery company
Of Chicago has just sold the largest
tract of burial ground ever purchased
by one person in the West, and for
winch the LARGEST; price on RECORD in tha