Connecticut western news., 1885-04-29
WIT AND WISDOM.


 THEY are happy whose natures sort with their vacations.
 WHEN creek meets creek then comes the annual spring freshet.
 Goop-wrub, like good name, is got by many actions, and lost by one.
 THE master is respected according to the discretion and good breeding of his servants.
 IF punishment reaches not the mind and makes the will supple, it hardens the offender.
 CoAL is said to have been discovered lin the heart of Mexico" Hope Mexico will not have the heartburn.
 My heart, like the world about me, came forth to meet the sunshine, and thawed after it's long winter.
 WIoKEDNEss may prosper for while, but at the long run he that sets all knaYes at work will pay them.
 SOME men are So covetous, as if they were to live forever, and others so pro- fuse, as if they were to die the next mo- ment.
 AN Irishman tells of fight in which there was only one whole nose left in the crowd, and that belonged to the tay- kettle.
 IT is always a ''personal favor to mention one mans name in R newspaper. It is the same thing to leave another mans out.
 TIE late James T. Fields used to say of certain idealists that they were lever striving after the inefable and never paid cash"
 TIE person who has a firm trust in the Supreme Being is powerful in his power, wise by bis wisdom, happy by his happiness.
 WHAT must be shall be; and that which is a necessity to him that struR. gles is little more than choice to him that is willing.
 A FRENCH physician has written q long letter on the advantages of groan- ing and crying. One is that neither will be mistaken for singing.
 AN old colored man who had imbibed too freely of New Jersey apple jack said: Some people is filled with delight, but I'se filled with de lightning"
 GROUND waists are still fashionable, " and the young men wlll see that the fashion is not changed for want of press. ing.-DanSriHe (M Y) Breese.
 1E the agitation of the trouble be- tween England and Russia it seems that the ruler of Afghanistan is regarded as nothing more than Ameer dummy.
 "How CAN I find out ali about the young lady to whom am engaged P asks a prospective benedick. Has sht O younger brother? If so, consult him
 THERE is some help for all the defects of fortune, for if a man cannot attain tC the length of his wishes, he may have his remedy by cutting of them shorter
 AN observing politician says that th' difference between those going in anC out of office is mainly this-the formei are sworn in and the latter go out swear ing.
 4 FIFrY dollar engagement ring may not typify the depth of the love that presents it, but it may tell tale of tor. rible strain upon the pocket that pays for it
 A NORTH Side man makes his daugh ter eat an onion just before starting fol the skating rink. If all would act or this hint the new craze would be short lived. Chicago Ledger.
 "WHAr is the matter with the baby P asked lady of little girl, whose baby brother she understood to be siling "Oh, nothin' much," was the answer "He's only hatchin' teeth"
 TIE curtain had just dropped on tho first act and he already had his hat 1T bis hand when she, putting her hand ir her pocket said: "Here, dear, though you would want one; you needn't gC out" and she handed him a clove.
 BETsEY, an old colored cook, wa incoming around the kitchen one day when her mistress asked her if she wal III. "No, ma'am, not 'zactly," sait Betsey; "but the fact is, I don't fee ambition 'noush to git outer my owl way"
 "AUNr Julia" said blooming girl O seventeen, "what is necessary in ordei to write a good love letter." "Well, replied the aunt, "you must begin with out knowing what you mean to say ana finish without knowing what you have written"
 VOLUMES have been written giving diagrams and specifications as to hov children should be trained up, and ye as soon as man becomes daddy h. throws his judgment overheard, shut his eyes to reason and lets the squalle rule the roost.
 "WHAuR's yer'awksent, mun2" bawle' brawny Scot to 8 Cockney who wa numbering the Scotch dialect in som public readings. The readers wit wa better than his elocution, for he i'm mediately reioined: "Why, you've go it." and the audience roared.
 IF twenty-seven inches of snow giv three inches of water, how much mil will given COW yield when fed on tur nips Key-Multiply the number c snowflakes by the number of hairs o the cows tail, divide the product in tn juice of dry turnip, add to quotient pound of chalk and multiply the hy drant.
 TIE story is told of an old oolore man, Colonel Sam Dickerson, who Ina been well-known character in Charles ton, s. O., for many years, and wh earned a precarious livelihood in tn courts, that, when asked once to eIplai