The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-02-21
RELIEF FOR GENERAL GORDON.
TPecks San.l


 Pulls and advertising go hand in hand. We lay that down as . self-acting fact. Pills may come and pills may 20, bat each succeeding nuasafactases seems so get the scieace of advertising down . lii- tie liner than his predecessor. Com. pounders of liquid remedies for the various ills that desh is heir to are DO saoacnes at advertising, either but It is . remarkable fact that lot naan start in ai making some bottled alleviAtoF for de- tached livers, decomposed lunsa fatty degeneration ofthe kidneys. os whatever 1t may be, after awhile, as soon as thai remedy is . reasonable success, be sill introduce . ee~ and attractive pill into the pharmacopGia Of his laboratory, and ait up nights to hgure out some novel striking way of advertising 1t.
 The profits on pills must, of course, be enormous. Bred Is dirt cheap, and what httie quantity of drugs is ussd to give the pills their peculiar, seductive taste and aroma cannot cost but few cents per box, probably not as much as that. In olden times, when they were rolled out one by one under the dirty fingers of the druggist's apprentice, per haps twenty five cents per box did not yield more than four or i've hundred per cent plofit; but nov, when by the aid of modern labor-saving machinery they can ee turned sut by the bnshel like shot, it seems as if they might be sold at ten cents per box-three boxes for quastes and still afford . handsome pro6t, after paying all expenses. Our Legislators should take this matter under advisement and effect reform.
 These philAnthropic and philosophical remarks are called ost by . scheme original with distinguished pillist in England plan which shows that Joan Ball Is not always the conservative and slow-going tradesman he is populasiy represented to be, but is after the pounds, shillings and pence which are the isu;i ut brilliant advertising with the same tar reaching sagaci.y displayed hy Brother Jonathan in bagging the almighty dollar of our country.
 This Lopdon panacea-providey has for warded to General Wolseley, who Is supp posed to be marching towards Khartoum, several thousaAd copies of a handbili setting forth the remedial qualities of his srss; and csly pill, with plenty Of testi. monials from those who have been re- heved by their use, and accompsnying the package is his check for LISo, equal to S7so, which is to be given to the hsss soldier of the command who shall reach General Gordon's headquarters and paste one of the bills on the door or flap oi the tent, as the case may be. Every soldier will have one or more copies of the bill, which, of course, they will guard with care, as 1t may be the means Of bringing in big money to him
 Dr. What's- -his-pame, chemist to the queen, disciaims any other motive in this matter except the patriotic one of desiE- ing to stimulate the soldiers to reach and rescue General Gordon as the earliest possible moment, and also says that the successtul biil-ssicker will have bis name puhlished in every paper of Great Britain, with sketch of his life. It is not known what inducements are held out to Gen. erai Woiseiey to lobby the bill through, but t is saSe to say that he will rank the successful private in remuneration fully as much as h military title.
 If this plan succeeds in relieving Gen. esal Gordon of the inactivity caused by too much Fl Mahdi- i- cutting the Cordion knot, as it vese-ths popularity of that particular brand of pills is assured. Peo. pie will bay them every time they have slight hesdache, or gre in any way indis- posed, and potwithstsoding the countless millions of a2tive American pills, they may even obtain sssoog stomachoid is sszss ce=..sy. Bat they must be sugar. crs:>d.