The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-10-22
"GO SLOW"
From the TEXAS Local-Chromicle.

"GO SLOW"
From. the Teras Local-Chronicle.
"Man's vapor, full of woes
He cuts caper, and down he goes"
Well, we are taught that there is q
time for all things, except acting the
fool. There is no time given man to
act the fool. Here will try to tell my
experience in one case. made bold
start, and did not have far to 60, and I
acted the fool tolerably we'll for several
months. / was seventeen years old, six
feet high, weighed one hundred and fifty
pounds, somewhat slabsided, and looked
more like man than anything that ever
was seen, not to be a man. saw a
great many young men wearing fine
clothes, boots and fine hats, chewing
tobacco and smoking cigars. They ap.
peared to be very smart and popular
with the ladies, so / thought that con-
stituted perfect gentleman, and | de-
termined to 60 into the current of fash.
ion and popularity. l went to work and
made bale of cotton, sold it, and off |
went to dry goods store and bought a
suit of fine clothes, big bell crowned
bee gum hat, gloves, riding switch, boots,
box of paper collars, hair grease, cigars,
umbrella, and vial of musk to make
me smell sweet. had my hair shing!ed,
and I had taken kind of second growth.
My upper lip had produced a thick coat
of hair, called moustache. l spent
good deal of my time rubbing my nous.
tache with the end of my fingers, and on
one of my fingers I stuck big brass
ring. Now I thought was rugged up
perfect gentleman. Poor fool, ignorant
of pride and fashion being contagious
disease, and I was almost on the lift with
it and not aware of it. The same dis
ease is still raging, but / found cure
for it. I rode tall horse, and frequent
ly the brush would rake my hat of. 1t
would hit the ground, bounce around
and roll like an empty churn. All right,
as I was in the fashion. I would rig up
of Sunday, stand in the sunshine and
look at my shadow, set one foot out,
make track, and look what a nice track
my boot would make. l imagined my
self perfect beauty, aud imagined that
if could get to rub my back against q
college wall and take trip out west, l
would be capable of holding any Office
in the government. l would rig up and
go to singing school, walk in the house,
and my boots would squeak like the
rusty hinges Of barn door. Sometimes
would walk so straight that would
leau over, and [ would try to walk the
Grecian walk, and carry my umbrella
over me in sunshine and shade. All
right, as was in the fashion. would
seat myself in singing school, cross my
feet and rub my moustache with the
finger that had the ring on. l would try
to walk, talk and laugh, like some other
fool that I thought was acting smart. l
would carry a cigar to church and set
one end of it aire, stick the other end
in my mouth and stand where | could
be seen, and hold the cigar with the
hand that had the ring on so there was
cigar with some fire on one end and Q
fool on the other end. So I trolloped
around for several months just in that
fix, poor simpleton. | had not thought
of q blow-up, or stove up or explosion,
so one Sunday morning in August, I
rigged up and went to church. The
church house was new pine log cabin,
the door.head very low. So on | went,
Jehu like, rode up and alighted, walked
up with an elastic step, made a spring
in the door, and the top of my begun
lust plumbed the door. head and drove it
down to nv shoulders. I had one foot
in the house. 1 just pulled that kind
foot back and staggered around the cor
ner of the house, and began to feel for
my head. I was considerably stunned,
and in the dark. took hold of the
brim of my hat on each side with my
bands, and began pushing up with all
my strength. and setting back determined
to pull out, for l was in plight and some.
thing had to be done quick. Directly |
began to emerge from darkness to light,
and with all my strength and awkward
ness, succeeded in pulling out without
help. The leather lining of my hat
pulled out, and it resembled churn
with the brim around the middle. My
ears and nose burned as if they had been
scalded; perspiration flowed in great
drops, and in the scufle 7 staggered
against the pine wall, and got pine rosin
al over my fine coat. 1t was stuck up,
stuck down, and twisted and bungled
about, so that it resemble some dressing
we see nowadays. l came near sufoca.
ting, and when [ got a good, long breath,
1 turned about, walked slowly to my
horse, and crawled upon the outside Of
him and rode slowly home, and was glad
that I had home to 60 to. By the
time 1 got home, I had quieted down
and began to come to my proper senses,
and when I considered the matter all
over, l found that the stove-up was q
good lesson to me, though a very costly
one. was enlightened on the folly OF
pride and fashion. could see plain
what fool 1 had been. I went to the
looking glass and took good look at
myself, aud was as much disgusted as
I had been delighted. took my knife
and cut my hat in two in the middle,
and slipped the upper half down over
the lower half and made tolerably re.
spectacle hat, and I have been careful
ever since to go slow, and take my hat
off when I come to a church door. Per
haps if we had low church door in this
country some young men or big boys
might learn good lesson as I did. Ex-
perience teaches dear school, but fools
will not learn in any other.