The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-06-19
For This are We Doctors.

Y low-splrlted, tired and languld.
! short, I'm completely broken up. II
! ! very careful about eating, and though
eat graham bread exclusively, 1 hay
an uncomfortable feeling here IN til
chest after every meal"
Doctor-"Ahl suspected as much
My dear sir, don't you know tina
graham bread is the very worst thin
you can put into your stomach?"
Patient-"Why, doctor, I Away
thought"
Doctor-"Of course you did, and S,
do thousands of other people; but new
ertheless it's bad for you. How can any
man, no matter how we'll he may be, di
gest good shavings? And that's what
graham bread is-a good part of it.
No you can't digest it, and it lies in your
stomach, where it irritates and causes
everything you eat to ferment and
evolve gas which causes that pressed
feeling in your chest"
Patient-"But what must eat?"
Doctor-"White bread is good enough
for me, and it's good enough for you.
In fact, it's just what you need What
do you drink with your meals?"
Patient-"I used to drink tea and
coffee, but thought they hurt me, and
now drink water exclusively"
Doctor-"No wonder You don't feel
well. Do you know, sir, that there is
nothing so hurtful to health as this ev-
erlasting drinking of cold water? Why,
sir, it congeals the fat about the stom-
ach, retarding digesting and impov-
erishing the blood. You'll have
to stop that right off. A little warm
tea OF coffee won't hurt you hundredth
part as much as a goblet of ice water.
On the contrary, it supplies just the
needed stimulus, and aids in the assimi-
lation of food. You're a teetotaler, L
Patient-"Well. yes; that is to say"
Doctor-"I understand. You are con-
'cientiously averse to drinking; but if it
vas essential toyour health you wouldn't
'ffer any foolish objections?"
Patient-"No, I don't suppose I
hould, if it were really nesessary."
Doctor-"Well, l want you to get
ONE pure whisky, and drink wine
lassful, say, four times day, be-
ore meals and upon retiring. If you
ave that dull feeling at any other time,
on can take dose; it won't hurt you,
ever fear" I
Patient-"How about my smoking? 6
lust quit that?" t
Doctor-"No, indeed. 1t aids digestion S
I'D soothes the nerves. Smoke all you i
ant to. You don't need..any medicine. t
cave off your graham bread and cold C
alter, and that, with the whisky, will t
tch you round all right. Come and see t
e again in a week" fl
Patient-"H How much doctor? I might d
well pay you as go along" b
dollars, please. Thank W
u" if
Patient day, DOCTOR" e.
Doctor ood day, sir" g
Patient (soliloquizing as he walks ST
'ay)-"Dr. Smart is sensible man, in
ry sensible man. He understands my ir
mptoms exactly. He talks like man m
10 knows his business. I'll
II al
Doctor-"Ah, Mr.. Brown, how d. We st
=? Not sick. hope?" til
Patient-"W Well, no, not sick exactly;
l don't feel just right. Food dis ps
sses me, you know; troubled with a gy
Il pain in my head and a pressed ge
ling in my chest; am tired, languid
low-spirited. eff
)octor-"Im afraid you eat too much us
tie bread"
PATIENT why, isn't that good for ha
2" Il
)octor-"No, indeed; worse thing rel
can eat" ou
'atient-"But what shall I eat? hy
~ say graham bread isn't so whole cas-
lie as it has been cracked up to be-" its
)octor-"Nonsense! An old woman's tiol
ion; nothing else, 1 assure you. 1 Il
lite bread contains starch, but it cu1
Mt any gluten and gluten, you know tiol
ne must have it if he would be well. loo
ham flour contains both starch and fec
en. 1t is perfect food, and it's nil
what you require" is
ltlent-"But they say 1t is the greater inst
woody fibre" vet
octor-"All the woody fibre you'll spu
in graham flour wouldn't hurt a pat
Leave off your white bread and of t
nothing but graham. That's the the
thing. Now, what do you drink ?" enc
ltient-"Tea and coffee" thai
'ctor-"No wonder you are bilious. also
Ill ask you to give up your tea and not
e and take water instead" inst
I always supposed that orgs
drink" som
'ctor-"Another fallacy. Water is erat
res own beverage. Who ever anes
of an animal suffering from bill patti
sss? You nevsr drink any alcoholic trou
ilants, eh?" from
tient-''Never drank a drop of rend
:. In my life. Don't believe in it, injul
In CT
ctor-"Glad to hear that. AL theft
is yirulent poison, and half 81 az
eople who come to me are so i'm "Y
lated with it that it is almost i'm Whe
BILE to do anything for them. / only
clip them, but that's all. When a very
ing man comes to me, 1 make him weig
Re his cups before I'll undertake his secre