The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-07-17
A SHREWD DECEPTION.
The REMARKABLE POWERS OF COL.
ATLANTus PINoERGRASS.
The Colonel Invites Home an Old Friend
A Matter OF Personal Introduction
Somewhat Overdone-Conceal-
Ing an Unpleasant Fact.
fArkanSaM Trayeler.l

One day, after deep meditation, the prince
OF Orange remarked to Bentinck: ITO the
ravages Of strong drink the human system
resorts to various resistances yielding versa.
tile results" This remark. although IL en-
bodies no particular philosophy, either In
ductive, syllogistie or reconstructive, has
caused much comment
1t Ia true that there Is great difference
in men, concerning the power of resistance
against the influence of strong drink, and
although no man wholly escapes, yet some
men while struggling under the ef-
feet Of liquor, can completely dc.
ceive a beholder. There is Col. Atlantus
Pindergrass, for instance. II you did not
know that he was drunk you would not
think that he had been drinking. He has q
way Of standing on the tiptoe Of such polite
ness, a way Of saying such pleasant and ap-
propriate things, that his intoIication is
hidden under a bushel Of agreeableness
The other day Mr.. Martinhead went home
with the colonel. The colonel, his wife and
Mr.. Martinhead were sitting in the parlor
when Miss Sallie Pummel. an old
maid who had entered her 39th
volume, called. The colonel pre-
sented his friend, and, satisfied with the
back and smiled. Then he began 10 think
two visitors had not been presented, oc-
Cured to him.
"Ah, Miss Pummel allow me to introduce
my friend, Mr.. Martinhsad."
ave have met" replied Miss Pummel.
"Ah, I didn't know that you were ac-
quainted"
The colonel's wife cleared her throat
with sharp rasp of irritation. The colonel
continued II have thought for some time
that would like for you to become ac-
quainted, but it never occurred to me that
you were old friends"
"Colonel, let me see you a moment" said
Mrs. Pindergrass, drawing her husband into
an adjoining room.
"What's the matter with your she asked.
Nothing"
Nothing, the mischief You are drunk"
"Drunk," he repeated contemptuously.
@Oh, Of course. A man just gets drunk on
the atmosphere"
Then assuming AN air of injured innocence
the colonel went on: HAS 1t come to thisi
Do you want to insult met What have I
doneP
"Why, just look how You acted about in
troducing-"
"Oh, see," said the colonel, with bright
ening change of countenance. at was my
fault-a mere matter Of forgetfulness."
Then, stepping into the parlor, the colo
mel said: "Miss Pummel, allow mo to pro-
sent Mr.. Martinhead."
"Miss Pummsl and are acquainted" re-
Piled Mr.. Martinhead.
THAT sol Why, let me assure you that
didn't know 1t. Introducing you to an old
friend; why. that's a good joke, haw haw-
capital joke, he, he Wife, let mo see you
minute"
you've got me into a pretty fir." said the
colonel, when his wife had followed him into
the adjoining room. "Tcld me those folks
was not acquainted. You ought to be par
ticular about such things"
"You ought to be killed." his wife indig-
nantly snapped.
"What have donei"
"You good-for-nothing thing, you have
made yourself ridiculous. You are tho most
despicable man ever saw"
"rll be confounded IL can understand
you"
"You are too drunk to understand any
thing, you brute"
"Look here l am tired Of being insulted"
The colonel wheeled around and went back
into the parlor, where he proceeded to make
himself agreeable and to disguise the fact
that he had been drinking anything.
"Why," he said, show many surprises
there are in store for us. Wemeet people every
day, and then. when we least expect 1t. they
surprise us. Why, II any one had told me,
Martinhead, that you had gone to school
to Miss Pummel would not have believed
It"
"He didn't 60 to school to me" snapped
Miss Pummel
"Ah, that was my understanding. Oh,
II was you who went to school to Martin
head"
mo, SIR" interposed Martinhead.
"Oh, you simply went to school together.
Yes, got 1t mixed, but not much. I do
like to see old friends meet each other. Let's
see, I've known Martinhead for ton years,
Miss Pummel, but not until to-day did
know that he was an old friend Of. yours
no, not until today
Mr.. Martinhead. pleading tho sudden rec
election Of urgent business, withdrew, and
Miss Pummel not desiring to remain after
her old frieni had gone, soon took her leave.
The colonel, not long afterward tumbled
into bel. When he awoke next morning he
remembered nothing except that he had de-
eeived bis wife.
"A man wanted me to take q drink with
him yesterday, but wouldn't do it." said
be.
His wife did not reply
"By the way, our friend Martinhead
would have come home with me yesterday
but couldn't get of"
Yes, some men have q way Of concealing
the fact that they are drunk