The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-04-02
Wu AND HONOR.
4 girl who could spell Deuteronomy
ana had studied domestic economy,
went to skate at the rink,
cp9 saL Gown 70 study astronomy.
Boston SttHdoy Courier,


Went to skate at the rink,
And as quick as wink
S9S SAT Gown TO study astronomy.
Boston Sunday Courier.
When you hire a servant in Mexico
1t Is with the understanding that her
entire family live with you. In this
country there is no understanding, but
the result is the same.-BHfGL0 E5-
press.
Are we going to take 1900, 600 moro
acres of land from the sons of the for
esta Not if the men who think each
Indian must have 10000 acres of land
to turn bis horse around on can help it.
Philadelphia Press.
The city of Cleveland has figured
and figured, and has finally como to
the sage conclusion: Either the con-
tractor can clean the streets or he can
not" We don't see any great chance
for argument there.
Swift wrote: There never appear
more than five or six men of genius in
an age" 'tNowyou understand, !" said
Browns ''Why am SO sad. Solitude
viii be the death of me, I fear. even
solitude, !" observed Fogg, ''hasits COM
pensations.
''H your horse has lost his appetite
change his bill of fare" says an agri-
cultural journal OF course. Vary
his hay with beefsteak and mushrooms,
and give him cream and sugar on his
oatmeal Always be kind to your
horse.-PHcE.
al held her tiny hand in mine, and
clasped her fairy form, and told my
tale of ardent love, in language sweet
and warm. And when I paused for
want of breath, she raised her dimpled
chin, and whispered low, i don't catch
on; please sing you song again.
Pedestrian (who has lost his wayI-
''Why don't you have guide-boards
round here, so that 3 stranger can tell
where he is goingP Now, In the city
we have plenty of guide-boards-one
didn't you bring few along with you,
then?''
The Sans financial free lance '.Rigo-
lO'' declares that Chicago has been
trying for months past to skin New
profitable undertaking. Good grounds
exist for believing that there isn't
whole pelt in Wall street. Brooklyn
Eagle.
A well-known Friscan married 8
Canadian girl four years ago, and
brought her out to this land of eternal
summer The other day he found her
sitting with her feet on the refrigerator
jingling the dinner bell. She said she
was so homesick she had to do some
thing.-SGn Francisco Post.
The Journal of Pekin, China, was
established in Oil, and the present pub
Usher opens his eyes with surprise
when an old gentleman from the rural
districts enters the Office and says he
has been a subscriber since the first
number appeared and shows a receipt
to prove it.-NOrTiStOsOn Herald.
An Indianapolis hotel, according to
the Journal, furnishes potatoes a Ia
pome de tare.'' Boston, through the
Herald, follows suit with Coffee and
Lunch C..fe." Washington is never
left. She takes the trick with restau-
rant which furnishes "Cafe au lait
with sugar and milk. - Washington
HdtcKet.
DR.. Harrison, of New York. has mar
ried daughter of Brigham Young. If
the doctor, in an unguarded moment,
were to ask his wife to invite her broth
ers and sisters to tea some evening,
and the invitation should be accepted,
he would have to hire hall and employ
two or three dozen waiters.-NorTis-
tot0n Herald.
A teacher in one of our schools in
quired the other day if any of her
scholars could give the definition of the
word dandy" This seemed puzzler
till a little boy near the front held up
his hand and said: 81 know what q
dandy it'll" ''And what is it?' He
ith q bow what kitheth the girlth. -
Brooklyn Gazette.
The millionaire was dying. He was
surrounded by his friends. What
can 1 do for you, my dear friendP"
he exclaimed, as he grasped the
hand of his old legal adviser
Everything have owe to you, and l
shall I doP'' make a will," replied
the lawyer laconically.
At recent gathering in St Louis
General Sherman was present. Said
Young lady resident: HE doesn't look
like literary man." ''Oh, he isn't, "
replied another young lady resident.
| didn't he write School for Scandal?' "
s.Mercy, no. You are thinking OF
| General Sheridan. He is not here to-
night. THE Inglestde.
Colonel William Pope, awealthy res
ident of Galveston, hired professor tc
teach his eldest boy, who was very lazy
indeed. Now that have shown you
how to do that sum, I'll prove it to you.
to show YOU that it is correct" said
| the professor, who was teaching him
| arithmetic mo need of proof, pro
lessor; will take your word for it.
know you wouldn't tell me lie.
Texas SytingS.
'.Humphr' he called as he cut
through his buckwheat cake anc
dropped knife and fork. whats the
matterP'' asked the landlady. ''Adul
teratedr' ''What with?' 'tHair-pinsF
.Oh! is that all? When you frs
spoke didn't know but the cook haC
been using some of that extra fine houl
along with the buckwheat, though
expressly forbade her doing so."-De
troit Free Press.
An old Chelsea prisoner, seated OF
the embankment, was lamenting thu
death of comrade. Poor old chap
How shall / get on without himP'
''Were you very much attached to him
then?" inquired bystander. '''Twasn'
altogether that, sir" replied the veter
al. ''but, you see, he'd lost his left lie!
and I've lost my right. We shared
pair of boots between US, and it's ten t
one whether there's another in the hos
pital whose feet are so exactly the sam
size as mine. Edinburgh Scotsman
They Painted it Red.
eyes. sab. Won might not believe il