The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1885-04-28
Seuse and Nopsense.

iSeVSe dItu cs5uVSeitSes
Nine society girls out OF ten are in
love with a noodle, Doodle or poodle.
A puppy's joke is not very funny, but
there is something waggish about dogs
tail
An English clergyman recently. per-
formed 10S baptisms and nine marriages
on one Sunday.
Take Cheney's Stomach and Liver
Regulator. 81 per bottle, 6 bottles for
s.. Sold By R. W. Pope.
1t is not the change Of scene that
cures so many travelling invalids. 1t Isl
absence from the doctor.
Some of the poet Willis best lines
were written in his boarding house. They
we're always good in boarding house.
George Campbell, HopkinsvIlle, KY,
says: Burdock Blood Bt,ers is the best
for the Blood and Stomach ever manu-
tactured
You can starve off troublesome cred
itor, and even procrastinate hunger
somewhat by tightening the belt, but
you can't shrk sneeze.
A Nor,h Carolina negro went right on
playing the fiddle after bullet had been
fred into his brain. Exasperated people
will hereafter fire ct the fiddle.
"Lat go nv ear" yelled passenge,
on West Side street car Yesterday. 81
beg your pardon" said the other man,
II thought l had hold Of the strap
] A correspondent asks: "Can you in
form me how to get fat7' Certainly,
buy a five dollar horse and wagon aud
90 around to the back doors after it.
II man wants sack of -four, or
something in bottle to put on sore
feet, he can send for it, but for knowl-
edge, or hair cut, be must 60 himself.
Young ladies who will not marry when
thev have chance Miss it-EIchange
N doubt OF i. But what are they TO
dop When one accepts an offer she
generally Mrs. it too.-Bostoa Post
A Brooklyn clergymen says that lig-
uors may soon be sold in skating rinks
and then "tbe result will be disastrous !"
We should eay so. 1t is hard enough
for a sober man to stand up.
An article in New England paper is
headed How to Reach Young Men,"
The fathers OF several marriageable
daughters in this city have adopted the
plan OF reaching them with boot.
A new hook is entitled "How | Made
Money at Home" We advise our read
ers to have nothing to do with it Three
men we're arrested few days ago for
making m ney a. bone.
DR.. NJ E. Wordsworth saws the earth
has heterogeneous yiscid. elastic,
liquor interi,r, irregularly inierlocked
with and gradually passing into lighter
Heterogeneous crust. That is good
fdefnition Of custard pie.
Ardent Lpver-"I have called, sir, to
ask your permission to pay nv addresses
to your daughter" O!d Gent (some-
what deal -"Psy for her dresses2 Why
certainly, nv dear sir. Here are the
hills" He gave one glance at them and
| fed.
A man never begins TO find out how
| little he knows about domestic matters
until bis wife asks him 10 keep his ey.
upon the baby and to see that pan Of
melted butter is kept stirred, while abe
goes into the attic 10 look through her
rag bag.
Hsg .ltine, the sprint runner, adver-
tses to teach the "Art of Self-iefense.
Perhaps, after all. the theory OF putting
100 wards between yourself and sssail-
ant 10 eleven seconds is about As effec-
tual system OF self-defense as could be
devised.
Jimmy, nv child" the fond mother
exclaimed, "lop't eat so much CT thai
lobster salad You'll he i'll t,-nisht.
dear; know you will" "Well, ma"
said Jimmy, as he helped himself to
another plateful. 'if am you'll know
what's the ustet with me, anyhow"
The Italians believe that maternity
rob, q woman Of her voice. The Ital-
ians should come to this country and
listen to rural mother call home her
children. who are playing in wood 6
mile distant. When cyclone heais her
voice shooting along, il knows ii must
either jump over it OF get wrecked.
"My DEAR" said husband to bis wife,
81 am unable to get anv sleep. ] hsv
tossed ever since ! came to- bed wish
you would get up and prepare me a little
laudanum." "Il's hardly worth while
now" she replied, consulting her watch
"it's almost time to build the kitchen
fire." Then he sank into quiet, restful
slumber.
Grocer-"Strainers-cotfee.stra e.strainers ?
Whv, no, Mrs. Gabb, we don't keep
them, but ar coffee don't need strsin-
ing il you know how to make it," Gus
toner (tes,ilv)-"Oh. don't you VERY
yourself about nv cookin N know how
to make coffee big sight better than
you do. Nv coffee is as clear as cider y
"rben what do you warta strainer for p
= FIR your sugar"
A rather shabby looking man applied
to the chief Of the Galveston police for
a position "Have you ever had any
experience "a detective ?" 'Ol, yes.
was the confident reply. 81 once arrest
ed man who did some killing" so
you arrested a nan who committed q
homicide ?" Yes, be was sort of
murderer. He was not homici ie pre-
cisely. He was a suicide; killed himself,
you know"
"Father," be said. as he came running
in from school, Ibid yon ever drill an
oil we'll and mske s50.100P mo, nv
sor, l never did" IL was in hopes you
bad, for I wanted to brag to the bovs."
"Well, you can tell 'em that, although
never drilled an oil we'll and made
$50, 900, an oil broker once drilled me
and made $4,000, which. is about the
same thing. guess +"
Natural Gas,-"How does it happen,
Bridget, that there are as many feet of
gas charged for thus month as last, when
Mrs. Blossom and myself have been out
of town three weeks2' ''Sure an