davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31
Paying Debts.
Covington Star.

A little money will sometimes go a
great way.
AS an illustration of this fact is the
following, founded upon an incident
which is said to have really occur
red:
A owed SIS to B.
B owed $40 to @.
@ owed SIS to D.
D owed $50 to E.
E owed $12 so TO T.
T owed SO to A.
All of them We're seated at the same
table.
A having a S. note, handed it to B,
remarking that it paid S. of the SIS he
owed B.
B passed the note to @, remarking
that 1t paid S. of the 800 which he
owed.
@ passed it to D and paid with it IS
Of the SIS he owed D.
ID handed it to E in part payment of
the $50 owed him.
E gave it to f to apply on account
of the $12 so due him.
T. passed it back to A, saying: ''This
S. bill pays half the amount 1 owe
you"
a again passed it to B, saying: 81
now owe you only S."
B passed it again 10 g with the re-
mark: ''This reduces my indebtedness
to you SO"
G paid it to D, reducing his indebt
ness to S..
D paid it to E, saying: 81 now owe
you 500"
E handed it to f. saying: This
reduces my Indebtedness to you to
81. So"
Again T handed the note to A, sey-
ing: Tow [ do not owe you any
thing"
A passed it Immediately to B, thus
cancelling the balance of his indebted
ness.
B handed it to G, reducing his debt
to S..
G cancelled his debt to D by handing
the note to him.
D paid it to E, saying: 81 now owe
you SIS"
Then E remarked to T: eff you will
give me 81. so this will settle nay in
debteaness to you"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31

stairs has been on fire these last ten
minutes!'
Yes; thank you. Williel"
Yes, sir" said the clerk.
Make another mark on the cheese
boxi This is the fifth man who has
came In with the same old guy this
mornlny, and expect at least half a
dozen more"
But [ tell you I saw smoke pour
from the window" the stranger pro-
tested.
Exactly. Let her pour. I'm fun
igating. Nextp
When the stranger entered the store
he was six feet tall. When he came
out he had lost five inches and was
still shrinking, and such a look as he
carried on his face would have fright
ened hitching-post.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31
The Same Pig.
Texas Siftings.


Texas SiftingS.
A newly married lady who recently
graduated from Vassar College, is
not well posted about household mat
tiers. She said to her grocer not long
since:
II bought three or four hams here g
couple of months a"o, and they were
fine. Have you got any more OF
them?"
Eyes, ma'am, there are ten of those
hams left"
Are you sure they are off the same
pig?''
Yes. ma'am."
"Well, then, I guess I'll take three
Of them"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31
SANTA CLAUS.
Air: NANCY LEE. "

OF all the friends that children know,
There's none like Santa Clause, trow;
He's sure to be at Christmas trees,
For young and old he aims TO please.
Oft he does slide, where children bide,
Down chimneyS tall,
With lots of toys for girls and boys,
Both great and small;
Then stockings stuffs till each one puffs
Out like a ball.
All hail to Santa Claus!
CHORUS.
So Santa Claus the Children's friend shall be,
In ev'ry land, on ev'ry sea;
And when, tonight, old Santa Claus's face w
see,
Wen give him a welcome warm and free.
The clock is on the stroke of eight
Sometimes tho, Santa Claus is late.
Tor lots of trees tonight there1l be
Which our good friends must call and see.
But soon we'll hear him coming near,
There at the door.
These children all by name he'll call,
as oft before.
For each there's here. if not tbs queer,
One git or more
All hail to Sata Claus !-CHORUs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31
Out OF His Jurisdiction.

Mistress-Mary, Mary, I wish you
would tell the cook when you go down
that I do not approve of her having
so much company staying late and
making noise.
MAXWELL, mum, it'll do no good.
Mary is going TO leave today. Shes
decided TO get married.
Mistress TO her husband, the emf
nent Justice C)-Do you hear that,
Alexander? Why don't you try to
prevent her deserving Ia this shame
full manner?
Justice C-My dear, this case is
out of my jurisdiction. / have no
power to overrule the decision OF the
court below this time.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31

dreary Christmas to Mr.. and Mrs.
Sanford, was really the happiest one
ever known to them.
And as for Cora, she emphatically
asserted that one such Christmas eve
adventure during life time was
sufficient for her and ever afterward
needed the counsels of her parents.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31

The coal mines near Egypt, n. c.,
are to be reopened next summer. One
of these mines has a shaft 4S0 feet
in depth. Tt was this coal that was
used on blockade runners at Viii
mington during the war.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-12-31

back TO her home.
The first hour after midnight was
passing drearily away in that sad
home from which their only child.
the light and life of their household.
had so suddenly and cruelty departed.
A pull at the door bell was answer
ed and messenger admitted, bring
ing the dishea rtenipg information
Tat it would be impossible to learn
anything more in regard to the I'M
fortunate girl until morning at least,
and the parties had all left the train
about two hours before.
The messenger left, and the weary
servant was directed to close the
house for the night, when another
and sharper peal was heard at the
door.
THAT sounds like Cora's ring. ONLY
too loud for her!" exclaimed Mrs. San
| ford, at the same time sprinoing
from the sofa on which she had been
reclining, and rushing to the door,
which she was the first to reach and
open.
In moment, with burst of tears
with an almost hysterical cry:
Mother! darling motherl" her tru
ant daughter was IN her arms.
1t was some time before any Of the
little party were calm enoughto tell OF
hear the sad story; but when at last
with burning cheeks and threbbing
heart, Cora sobbed out the story OF
her folly, and her providential warn
ing, she was clasped in the arms OF
both parents, there to receive the love
and forgiveness that had been await
ing her hoped-for, prayed-for return.
And thus what promised to be q
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
MARTINsBURG, W VA, SATURDAY, NOV. %, 1885.

rencs, now a resident of Council Bluffs, H.
She saws: ITO write of q mother, loved,
honored, wcrshipei, as nine is by mt, is so
liks unwilling to others what is most sacred
in the solitude of Individual life, that 1
will leave the recording angel to write
down all that is best OF her, as he did Tor
the good Abou Ben Adhem. We children,
two girls and five boys, have only pleasant
memories of a happy home, of a sunny.
cheerful, indulgent mother, and a father
who was never held up to us as Justice
with a flaming sword, but as the
man bountiful, who brought US pres
ents from the metropolis. Our brothers
are quite equal to the ordinary sons
of Adam. Two ara rising young lawyers
in New York, with more causes than et-
fects. One is solving the problem of life
in the rigid analysis of pig iron in Pitts
burg; another is a gentleman of leisure,
while the fifth, Theodore, lives in France.
He has strong sympathy with the move
ment for woman's enfranc hisemsnt, and
has recently published a book, The Woman
Question in Europe"
Again, speaking OF Miss Anthony and
her mother, she says. These two women
the weeping, fasting, passive kind, nor
angels with folded wings. waiting at the
doors of the temples. No, no, mother and
Susan are what Luther called fighting
saints and angels with a wilt"
Theodore Tlton's congratulatory tele-
gram from Paris says: honored
friend, with all my heart I congratulate
you on your three-score years and ten. At
such an age some people are foolish enough
to Be old. Not 50 with your wise, hearty,
and merry self. / believe that when you
are mir s.y-nine you will still be young in
spirit. GERTRUDE GARRISON.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
A-gue.shaken sufferers.

Who restort TO Hostetter's Stomach Bitters.
experience speedier and more complete relief
than they can hope to do by the use OF qui-
nine. This well authenticated fact is OF itself
sufficient to have established a high reputa-
tion for the Bitters. but the article is not a
specific merely for the various forms OF ma
larial disease, IL endows the system with a
degree OF vigor. and reforms its Irregularities
with a certainty that constitutes its best de-
fence against disorders of the stomach, liver
and bowels. specially rife where the atmos-
phere and water are miasma tainted. Fever
and ague. bilious, remittent. dumb ague and
ague cake are remedied and prevented by 1t.
and 1t also removes dyspepsia, constipation.
rheumatism, DC. Take this medicine on the
first Indication that the system Is out Of order,
and rest assured that you will be grateful for
the n Mt.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28

NO two persons agree IN regard to Mrs.
nW1coxs personal appearances. While her
features are not regular, they are not in the
least unhanisome; but her beauty is in her
expressiyeless of countelance, rather
than facial contour. Certainly there are no
conspicuous defects in either face or figure.
Her warmest friends declare she is beauti-
full People who know her but little often
fail to find her so, but even the small souls,
those hearts are full of bitter envy, never
10 so far in their detraction as to assert
that she is plain.
She has been often accused of
ing egoism. That is a fault common to
most successful people in their youth, and
can well be forgiven if it carries with it no
Ill feeling toward Others in the sams field
of labor. One who knew Ella Wheeler
Wilcox we'll said: 'Her vanity is not ag-
gressive; it is a sweet sort of vanity, after
all. 1t DOESN'T exalt itself at the price OF
other peoples reputation or success"
And that is true. She is charitable TO-
ward others, loyal to her friends, and per-
fectly truthful. Who has mora virtues and
fewer faults!
As a poet she deineates the emo ions CT
the human heart with marvellous intuition.
AMI expresses herself with exceptional
strength. A sister poet once said of her:
You're not a woman; you'll re a force.n She
rarely paints external nature. Human
nature is her priestess. Unlike most poets.
the throngs of cities are mora refreshing to
her than the silence of the mountain tops.
Life is her p~assiou-hfe where it is lived IN
its largest, strongest n
Emily" of Tne Phil adelphia Press
SAYS: Ella Wbeeler Wilcox holds a high
stands ard of friendship between women
Her friends faults are sacrel to her.
Lavish in her praise, lenient in her preiu-
dices, the cruel envies AMI narrow JULY
ments of her SCI. toward one another are
depressing to her naturally bounding spirit.
She loves warm hearts better than cold
culture; yet, after a full measure of expert.
ence with incompassionate human kind
she is untainted by either suspicion or bit
terness. / heard a man of national reputs.
ton say: THAT it is seldom a woman who
fascinates men is popular with women.
But she has the power to attract both. Her
women lovers ara numerous, while all men
are drawn townrd her by a namsless spell. .
And his is from a man famous in Wiscoa-
SIN, and one who VITA his charming wife
have been her friends from child HOOD
Ella Wheeler Wilcox is now, however, in &
position where the best people will seek her.
she belongs hencsfostb to the intellectual
aristocracv CT TIE country.
Mrs. Wilcox, though not much addicted
to writing prose, has recently finished "a
novel entitled .Mal Moulee,n which Care
ton is publishing.
she lives now at Meriden, Conn. Her
domestic life is one OF the happiest.
MARIE ST. JOHN.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28

A Star reporter called the atten-
ton Of Solicitor McCue, of the Treas.
ury, to the statement that there
was a probability that the purchasers
of the government land and water
power at Harper's Ferry would cut
the water off the Chesapeake and
Ohio Canal. He says that when the
government sold the property,
in compliance with an act OF Con
gress, about two or three years ago,
the bargain was that the purchasers
should have the water-power too.
The government, before the sale was
made, claimed to have exclusive
right to the water-power, and the as
sumption is, unless il can be proven
to be otherwise in court, that the ca
nal company uses the water without
any authority, and the new pnr-
cbasers can cut them off If they
choose to do so.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
Elizabeth Cady S~tanton's SEVENTEEN
birthday.
Especial Correspondence.

Especial Correspondence.l
NEW YORK, Nov. 18.-There is no old age
for intellectual women who have the spirit
of love in them. That was demonstrated
on the evening of the 12sh, when we Gale
bratei the 7o.h birthday of Elizabeth Cady
Stanton. ,a.essed are the strong minded.
for they 81 all be eJernally young. As i
looked on this honored woman that night.
and saw the sparkle OF joy in her eve, lis.
tened to her bright speech and rejoiced in
the love and honor showered upon her. l
wished that all the world might bs made to
see the beauty of a life shaped by a broai
and ~ennobing purpose. Indeed, there are
no declining years" for either women or
men whose souls are alive to the interests
Of their kind. They are reserved for the
moor, narrow creatures who have lived for
self.
All over the country this pioneer s~ufragist
was honorei by the women she has lei IN
the stee ) and rugge1 height of reform for
more than forty years. The celebration
here was at the house of DIR. Clemence
Lezier-"St. Clemence,o as her friends call
her. She has already celebrated her 73i
birthday, and il still happy and active in
the practice of her profession, another evil
dence of the ruth that old age never comes
to women who have large and ~humanizinp
interests.
The guests were all women-representa-
tive With a few exceptions, all
had made thsir mark in some phase of
elevating work. Mrs. Stanton read a paper
on 'sThe Pleasures of Age" Many other
ladies made short spec, sea. Mountains of
flowers vera presented. Muse and refresh
ments and general rejoicing completed the
programme.
Susan B. Anthony, her noble CO. worker,
received scarcely less honor. Her SEVENTEEN
b.rthiay viii be here M five years Few
wsmsa have shone in so many fields Of
usefulness rs Mrs. stanton. As q wife and
mother she is a model all might emu ate
with profit. As q patriot and reformer she
is outranked by none As a presiding Of
6cer she is admirable, anf as a charming
woman and cool friend she is adorable
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28

A lawyer was pleading before a
Scotch Judge, and his client happen.
ing to be present, whose name was
Miss Tickle. commenced his speech
in the following strain: "Tickle,
my client, the defendant, my lord.v
The audience. amused with the od-
dity Of the speech, were almost
thrown into Mysteries by laughter,
on the judge very innocently reply
ing:-" Tickle her Yourself, Harry,
you are as well able to do it as II
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
ARTEMUs WARD.


Interesting "Reminiscences of h Great
Humorist, by the Truthful Ell.
Especial Correspondence
NEW YORK, Nov. ia prophet is
v,thout honor in his own country
! was up at Waterford. Me, the other
y. where Artemus Ward was born, April
q 1884, and how / realized the truthful
The above quotation. Here, whsre
& ut humorist was born and where bis
now lie Hurled, / met a ~sprucelooking
IL man on the train. h had just re-
.a,i from college. He was SO well in
: ia-i about all the base ball clubs, Loaf
r., S AMI athlete matches that / addressed
him IN the subject of Artemus Ward.
Il Impose you nave many recollections
about Artsmus Ward here in Waterf ordF'
! began.
"Artemus Warda Artemus W-a-r-dp he
unused. "A-r-t-e-m-u-sa l never heard of
him"
why, Artemus Ward, Charles F. Browne,
the great humorist. / thought every man
or woman on earth knew him." lsald.
But / don't know him." replied the
young man. He don't live in our town.
He
But hes dead" I said. He diei in Lon
don, and was buried in Kensal Green in
1867
well, l never heard of him" said the
young Waterford gentleman, sadly,
And here l had come 500 miles to see the
mother OF a great character, who's towns
man didn'tk no of his existence!
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28

I knew Artemus intimately, but to learn
more of his infancy / opened correspond
ence with his mother, Caroline Bro VINE, of
Waterford, Me, and finally visited the old
farm.
When Artemus died in England he really
left quite a sum of money and many valu-
able trinkets, but they were all stolen. He
was always surrounded by a crowd of false
friends, who pretended to worship the King
of Humor that they might steal the jewels
from his crown. His mother informed me
hat she re ceived but little of his property.
BIS panorama she never heard of, and even
his watch chain and other jewelry, which
she would pr 70 dearly, were stolen. 1t is
on one of Artemus' friends, a man named
Kingston, that the bulk of suspicion rests
for dishonesty. William de Rohan, in
whose arms Artemus died, thu; writes:
HOFFMAN HOUSE, July 10, 1879.
DEAR SIR: / just have sour note. was
with Artemus Ward when he died, but do
not know what became of his panorama
unless he took it rith him.
Kingston, I imagine, took all he could
that is, all there was to take, though Arte-
mus left "a large property to lie dis
trlbuted when found. Yours truly.
WILLIAM DE RoHAN.
IN. D. Landon, Esq"
l have hundreds of pages Of Artemus
Wards unpublished manuscripts. Among
them is the diary of his overland trip to Cali
fornia. I append a portion Of the bumor-
lists man uscript to show nov accurately he
wrote and how carefully he p~unctuated.
/IS"I NS- init
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
ARTEMUs WARDS HANDwRITINe.


Artaiuus, whila on The Cleveland Plain
dealer, usei to aus wer taa inquiries OF cor
respondents. Amons those unpublished
wers ! find the following:
To OUR CORRESPONDENTS We wouli
inform II thai tie words foul murder
were ~favorite expires sioEs of William
Shakespeare, a writer of plays. but if the
truth were known Gen. Sherman and his
staff murdered more fowls in Tennessee
than William Shakespeare ever dreamed
Of. Shah. was all talk, while Gen. Sher-
man quietly murdered the fowls.
VERITAs. Many make the came error.
Mr. Key, who wrote the Star Spangled
Banner is not the author OF Hamlet a
tragedy. He wrote the banner business,
and assisted in "Tae Female Pirate" but
did not write "Hamlet.' Hamlet was
written by a talented but INSCRIPTIONS
man namei Macbeth, after ward tried and
executed for numbering sleep"
YOUNG CLERGYMAN Two pin.s OF rum,
two quarts of hot water, teacup of sugar
and a lemon. Crate in NUTMEG, stir thor
oughly AMI drink wnils warm.
PoET.-You are right. The lines,
$50 live that when thy summons come,
To join the innusGerable caravan which
noves,h etc,
were a dual PRODUCTION. The
part is from ihs gifte! psn of a New York
shurchman who changed his residences In
The directory three times to escape credit
ors and jury duty, while thu caravan btrl-
ness was written up by Daniel Rice, OF
Pennsylvania, who always possesses an IN
Vulnerable caravan a1d circus b A
Topsis was a young man employed as edt
torial speller by Mr.. Daniel Bryant, OF The
Evening Post.
ARTEMUs WHITES HIS OWN BIoGRAIHY-
A friend of mine, Mr.. Charles Browne, OF
Fort Plain, shows me this letter from Arte-
mus Ward, written in 1864, wherein ne
writes bis own biography. give it from
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
A Popular Poet.
Especial Correspondence

New York, Nov. 1S.-Ella Wheeler Will
cox is undoubtedly the most popular
woman poet of the day. Seldom, in any
profession, is so young a woman so well es
tablished in public regard. Few writer's
nave accomplished SO much while the
greater portion of their lives is still in the
future. Since she was IA years old her
poems have been published by the best
periodicals. Now her name is familiar to
all readers OF magazines and literary news
papers, and her personality is of greater
interest thar that Of any other writer.
This is largely due to the fact that she has
had the courage to "write like a mani
not q mans c~oarsensss, but a mans
strength,
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28

take the time to hunt them. NJ
life hung on the moments.

take the time to hunt them. My
life hung on the moments.
aBy this time ! had lost all volt
ton. The whip dropped from my
~ueryeless hands, and the rains slip
ped into my lap. 1t is needless to
say the horse fell into Il very slow
walk. Occasioniy ia stopped ana
appeared to he Eliminating; tried to
yell at HIM, but, although desired
to make o noise with an intensity OF
will agonizing, my tongue seemed
chained and | uttered no sound.
CAT last /; it seemed ages, Attica
came in sight. | braced every nerve
for a final effort. We neared it
slowly, the old horse sauntering
along, and occasionally pausing to
nibblc a tempting bunch Of grass.
1t was there that | registered a
mute oath to day lnm alive ii he
ever pulled Though.
! ave entered by the main street,
and / counted the seconds as we APP
preached the p~ostoffice, e which
was the doctors rooms. At last we
were there, then an awful fact sud
denly dawned on me. ! was unable
to move /; unable to speak, power
less to attract attention, and, sir, as
| hone to be saved, that infamous
horse deliberately walked walked
past the doctors straight through
the town and out the other side"
He paused for a moment u
looked silently out of the window.
"You have probably read OF mari
ners," he went on, " starving, desper-
ate, famished, who are tossed on a
raft in mid.ocean and see a great
shib sail past them on the horizon.
Wen, | felt something the same way,
only worse, as speechless and motion
less l sat dying like q craven image
on the buggy seat and saw the town
disappear behind my back. There
were few people on the streets-yet
know how it is in the country place
at noon-and those who saw me sup
posed | was only drunk.
al don't know whether it was alb
solute despair that partly broke the
spell, or whether l swooned, but any
how / fell ont of the buggy at the
edge of town, and upon this the
horse made its very first exhibition
of cnegry and ran off. They carried
me back to the doctors Office and
laid me on the floor. | was still I'M
able to talk, but l feebly moti0ned
TO my pocket and they took the bot
tie. The doctor uncorked it, smelled
it and remarked that he vas sorry
to see me intoxicated. This made
me so mad that ] found strength to
grasp out:
"sYou old idiot can't you sec Pm
poisonedg That's laudanumv
"sIt's nothing of the Kind he
said, it's whiskey.'
"sLook at the label, you maniac
| shrieked.
lie turned over the bottle.
"tThat's an old label, he said, and
crossed out. l filed the bottle my
self with whiskey. What's the mat
ter with you any howg
81 felt my symptoms suddely dis
appear. When | found the doctor
l disappeared, too. Iafterward hun
ted up a big niger and gave him a
qurter to kick me, and. But
here's Lafayette, | see. This is my
stopping place. Good day.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-11-28
ilICuIcdI JUIfuaLI
roo.rt IN faroo+ipr nvb,l

A recent interesting exhibition of APP
paratus in Paris by DR.. Boudet, in
cluded notifications of the telephone,
adapting the instrument to a variety of
medical uses. In one form the pulsa-
tons of the blood vessels and all sorts
of internal operations were very strik-
ingly made audible, the observer being
able to hear at will the movements in
any part Of the body. Another tele-
phonic appliance detected the presence
of stones in the bladder, and even made
known their character when present.