South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-02-27
WIT A Nd HU NOR.

out hos Mrs. Brown is gittin' oar
heerd sbe's very sick.
Old Dir. Benm;nyson-l saw III
doctor as he was dr,vin' a,oDg Lo ia,
an 10 sad she shuff1 ID 1T "A ,rortAl coil
iast night l s'pose it'll do her good
&c pit rid of l..
Old Mrs Bennington-Drat thes.
ne~-iang'ea doctors. they c,a'. talk
nothiD' hut Ist,n The poor soul may
bs worse. III Try an git over there my
self this srtein noon.
The following il vouched for by Q
minister's W.T.. aud therefore mist be
30 # IL isn't So:
A clergy man. visiting q woman in =
severe illness, asked:
DO you derive any comfort from tho
instruct ION Ct The Bihies'
'Or. YES inae d., VA. the reply.
What particular pas-s % ito you rely
up"n At PRESENT. asked tn. minister.
Grin aud bear it, replied the suf-
fercr.
The clergyman departed to look up
concordance.
One of the good stories about Grant
10 that Marshail Jewel once told the
General tina. Charles Summer did not
believe in the Bible. Don't WONDER
9nickly replied the imperturAble Ulys.
seq; Summer uid not write the Bible
A man Who married widow has in
vented device t. cure her Of eteraaily
praising her former husband. VIXEN
ever she begins to deseant on his noble
qualities this ingenious Number Two
merely says: poor, dear man how !
wish he had not died.
Ia condemning the vanity of women,
men complain ofthe fire they themselves
have kindled.
A sociable man 10 ono who, when he
has ten minutes 10 spare. goes and
boihers somebody ~bo hasn't.
An Eng'ishmsn. upon hearing the
cackliug in poultry yard, exclaimed,
'Oh. this is really henchanting.'
Here, look here, said the old lady to
her dsugbter. the cold weather is on,
times are hard. money liz ht. coal costs
money. can't you get that wai;er-on o
yourn up to popping point, So that he
can begin to understand what it costs
for dir Mother replied he girl, we
dom need any light but VIVA. the fire
gives
A young Western bride read Mother
Sh,ptoa's prophecy for tue 6rst time the
other day. Jast my luck she ex-
claimed, throwing down the paper.
Here am newly married. and now the
worlds coming 10 al end
A married woman in Connecticut
writes to the New York Cremstory
Company Can you burn man before
he dies? Ii you can. will be uleased
to give you job on nv husband, VIII /,
Is of no use TO me or any one el.e.'
Did you know my departed broiler?'
once asked missionary OF New Zea-
land chief. Yes. me know him we'll
WAS he not a gond and tender hearted
manT Yes said tue quopdsm savage.
me was very tender. Me ate a piece of
him
He had dozen rat traps slung over
his shoulder as he promenaded up New
stree. in search of CUSTOMERS. and when
asked The price he replied:
'Down-way down. Rat traps have
followed Wabash, and you can take
your pick for so cents
'Rut that's too high
well, heipg as Western Union has
shrunk YOU can take one at forty five
Too high
'Wha, Well, I must follow New
York Central. We'll cay forty.
Come down
say. mister. do you want a rat trap
at Texas Pacific fgures.' asked the old
man.
What are theyr
why, you take q trap for nothing
and I'll give you q qu.rtei to buy the
cheese with wall Street News.
An old maid may toss her head and
laugh at the idea of marriage, but in
that very laugh she goes lie, he, he
An Old maid in Nashville keeps
parrot which sweafs, and q monkey
which chews tob eco. She says between
the two she doesn't miss husband very