The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-10-28
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

PUNGENI F"AhAGhAfHD,
A stern necessity-A ships rudder.-
Judge.
Song of the cowboy-oh, these steers.
-Hatchet.
The locks on a door are worn perfect
ly plain. It is the door that is banged.
[-Satesman:
An exchange asks: "What is hostile
furniture2" Don't know unless it is.
armed chairs. -Eranseib Argus.
"What chin is it which. is harder to
keep still than a woman's?r :tWhy, the
ur.chin, of course. - Toledo american.
It is a curious physiological fact that
a corn never grows on the right foot. u
is always on the wrong one.-Boston
Transcript.
Whether the world goes round or not.
it is certain that that part of the world
situated in Europe has its revolutions
often, enough.-Boson Transcript
A Georgia man who lost aneye had g.
cats eye put in its place. Now, when
ever he sees a boot jack he doesn't know
whether to dodge or not.-Graphic.
Aligators are now quoted at from
$3.50 to $500 per running foot. Layin
your winter stock now, before somebody
corners the market. -Pittsburg Chronicle.
The piano sounds the knelI Of parting day;
Next door the singing pupil shrieks highCi
The cornet practices across the way,
And gives the night to anguish. andto me.
Boston Gazette.
"Why comes not my loveto me2n asks
a poetess in q Chicago newspaper. II we
might be allowed to reply, it was proba-
bly, because he had never seen her before.
-Puck.
An exchange says: Fremont has ten
secret societies within her limits.n It
would now be interesting to know how
many she has outside her limits
Graphic.
Abottle of milk which a Baltimore
chemist was testing the other day *
ploded with great force and nearly killed
him. 1t was probably from a kicking
cow.-Detroit Free Press.
The poor man of to day is said to fare
much better than a king could have don
a few centuries ago., and yet a blister on
the heel or q boil under the arm makes
him forget all this.-CAtcdgo Ledger.
Sculptor Joe. L. Hart has just chiseled
a piece of statuary representing "Woman
Triumphant" She is represented IN
garden leaning on a broom, with the hen
disappearing in the distance. -Paiade.-
phia CaU.
eff you can't feel any more interest
than this, Caroline, perhaps we had: bet.
ter break off our engagement" 'Don't
say break Charles-it's horribly yio-
lent. But we might let it disintegrate
peacefully, don't you thinkG"-F2tegende
Batter.
sI was never exactly buried alive"
said an old clerk, recounting his exper1i1
ences, 'but I once worked in a store that
did not advertise. When I came out my
head was almost rs white as you now
see it. Solitary confinement did it.
Cincinnati Gazette.
Getting out OF it-She: "By the way,
syon:ve got my name wrong; it's Sing
Teton, not Simpleton. You see you take
me for more of a simpleton than really
am He: ooh, no.; I assure you | don't
Ell mean-er--have you been totne
academy yet"-JudN.
We are assured,by scientific authorities
that when electricity is loaing along at
the rate of not more than forty thousand
miles n second it is not dangerous, and
NAV be handled with safety. 1t will
therefore be we'll to a!waysnotice before.
hand whether it is going at a Jog trot or
on a full gal!op before you undertake to
stop it. Attention to this caution may
preserve the filing in your tceth.-cA'-
cago Ledger. i,
THE N NOSE. -.
. Her Inns are rel, her eyes are bright,
Her cheeks are like the rose,
Her graceful neck is ivory white,
She has a turl-up nose
A turn-1lp nose, this pretty miss,
But she's a charming creature,
And l esteem her proboscis-
Her most engaging feature.
Indeed I do. You ask me whys
The reason is simply this:
IT'S never in the way when
Attempt to snatch a kiss.