davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
He Wanted n Fork.

A party of gentlemen, among whom
was physician, were relating queer ex-
periences at an uptown hotel last night,
when the doctor said
"Can you remember when the Turkish
baths were started? A great many doc
tors introduced baths in one form or an
other all over the country, on the
strength of the Turkish bath being n
success. My old college mate, who had
just got out his diploma, Fred Winters,
went out to Chicago and started Turk
ish bath. with mcdicatcd baths as an ac-
compartment. Among other things, he
advertised 10 cure consumption and ma
laru. He had a big box, with glass
sides, in which he shut his victims
while he turned on the steam and baked
them. One day tall, lank chap came
in. He was at least six feet two inches
high, and with frame to carry $50
pounds actually weighed only 13j.
"'l've not got consumption, though
may look like it, said the fellow; but
I've got the malaria worst kind
"The doctor agreed to cure him in six
baths at $3.50 each. After a Turkish
bath he shut the man up in his baking
box. There was little thermometer in
dictator on the outside. The doctor took
a newspaper and sat down in a rocking
chair, where he could watch the indi-
Gator. When it indicated ninety degrees
the patient tapped on the glass. is it
all right, Doc.H he asked; because it's
mighty hot, | can tell you. The doctor
assured him that he could stand it up to
1870 degrees. Before the bulb had pushed
the record to 100 degrees he broke out
again, and again the doctor pacificd him.
The l0O-dcgree point was just passed,
when the victim shouted out in voice
of sheer desperation;
81 say, Doc. ; bring me fork, won't
your
"'What do you want with fork p
asked the doctor.
81 want to stick it into me to see if
am done. l know | am. '"-Neto York
Tribune.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
Flesh of Wild and Domestic Animals

An amateur writer on gastronomic
matters AYERS that the "hcsh of Young
animals digcsts quicker than that of ma
turc ones If that is the fact, the
world has been much in error about veal.
He goes on 10 say: 1.-The flesh of wild
birds is more tender than that OF domcs.
ticated ones This is accounted Tor by
the greater amount of exercise they lake.
thereby renewing their flesh more rapid
ly, and making it younger than that OF
birds which live more Quiet life II
exercise is what does it, there must be
strange perycrsitv IN old game cocks
trained for the pit, that makes them per
sist IN becoming az tough as punches of
fiddle-strings, and hard as clock works.
10 birds have more systematic exercise
than they, but, il all does not make
them tender as a young capcn. And cN.
crcisc doesn't seem 10 improve the lack.
rabbit of the plains lie roams airily
over hundred miles, more or less. tC
pick up, bit by bit. the fragments Of his
daily grub, but gets 80 tough at il that
lie makes the coyote weary that seeks
to eat him. But the jack rabbits tame
cousin, however ola. is almost rs tender
as a frog, -Aep l0rt Cook.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
"The Stirrup Gun"

A "stirrupcup' was that offered to
give impetus to the mornings ride in
the olden days. TO the brave knight al
ready mounted, and about prancing
away on his chiyalrous travels, was sent
a bowl, full and strong, from the gener-
Gus host, wherewith to speed the part
ing guest"
A cup in the morning,
just brcwel in the dawninE,
All mortal touch scorning,
bring with u Will.
IT'S favored with ilcetncsS,
\ ct rich with sweetness
OF Heavens completeness,
Oh, drink, drink thy fill,
Taste with thine eyes Of its beauty and light,
Sip with thine ears all its sounds of delight,
Quafr with thy heart every fine sense that
thrills,
Feast with thy soul on the strength of tho
hills,
Let all powers Of thy being close bend to the
cup.
Oh, drink, drink it upl
-POrtldnd TrdascriDt
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
Color blindness,

\ writer in the Jou1uai Of Science,
treating of color-blindness, gives the fol-
lowing interesting examples from his
own experience: \ man may have
good eye for form and outline, and yet
be partially or wholly color blind. To
select an instance from among many is
difficult, but one imprcsScs me more than
the rest, that of Wyatt, the sculptor, who
at the outset of his career was known as
remarkably good draught,man. He
naturally took to painting, but, as his
pictures were observed to present curious
incongruitics of color, that involved him
in grieyous difficulties. he with much re-
luctance was obliged to abandon the
brush for the chiSel. lie was altogether
unable to comprehend the nature of his
defect; indeed, refused to believe that
he was color-blind. so of men who have
attained to emlncncc in the world Of let
tiers, and whose writings Enthusiastically be-
tray evidence of meagcr color vocabu-
larry. 4 striking example of this occur
red in the person of my friend, the late
lamentcd Angus Il. Reach. lie was un-
able to recognize difference in color
between the leaf, the flower, and the
fruit of plants and trees. His want of
perception of color was wholly unknown
TO and unrecognizod by himself, until
we sat together at the table of Paris
restaurant. lie requested the waiter to
bring him some ink. As it often hap
pens under similar circumstances, the
ink was brought in a wine glass. Reach
became absorbed in his subject, while |,
seated opposite to him, observed him
alternately dipping his pen into his
claret glass and into the ink glass. Pres
emily, to my surprise, he took up the
ink glass, and was about to drink, when
| demonstrated, and he then said he
could see no difference between the
color of the ink and the wine, On sub
sequently testing him ! discovered that
he was completely color blind
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

The Rev. j. Hyatt Smith knows more
stories about more people than ten aver
age citizens. Among them he relates
this: When | was living with my
brother in Buffalo Mark Twain occupied
Il cottage across the street. We didn't
see very much Of him, but one morning
as we were enjoying our cigars on the
ycranda after breakfast we saw Mark
come to his door in his dressing gown
and slippers and looked over ut US. He
stood at his door and smoked for a
minute as if making up his mind about
something, and at last opened his gate
and came loungng across the street.
There was an unoccupicd rocking chair
on the veranda, and when my brother
a sigh of relief. lie smoked for a
few moments and said:
"Nice morning"
Eyes, very pleasant
"Shouldn't wonder if we had rain by
and by"
"Well, we could stand little"
"This is Il nice house you have here. 4"
eyes, we rather like it."
elbows your familyW
"Quite well-and yoursl"
"Oh, we're all comfortable"
There was another impressive silence,
and finally Mark Twain crossed his legs,
blew puff Of smoke into the air and in
his lazy drawl remarked; Il suppose
you're little surprised to see me over
here so early. Fact is, haven't been so
neighbory perhaps as | ought to be.
We must mend that state of things. But
this morning | came over because !
thought you might he interested in
knowing that your roof is on fire. 1t
struck me that it would be good idea
if
But at the mention of fire the whole
family busted upstairs, trailing language
all the way up. When we had nut the
fire out and had returned to the Neranda
Mark wasn't there. -haasas city Times.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

There was such a complete block that
you could easily have walked across the
Grand canal over the bridge of boats
thus formed, while the noise was so great
you could.not hear yourself speak. For
the people in sandolas and canoes, so
light that they were in momentary dan
ger Of being overturned, screamed and
shouted to the gondoliers to make room
for them, while the latter in return babe
them get out of the way. And all the
time those behind cried, Forward " and
those before cried, Back ~ for they had
now reached the rope stretched from one
side of the canal to the other to keep the
course clear, and beyond which the fore
most gondolas though their godoliers
put down their oars, were soon carried by
the crowd behind, pushing and struggling
for better places. Policemen, stationed
every here and there did their best to
force back the boats "Avanti! A die
tro, Giovanni Va presto.' they
cried. "A dietro." cried the gondoliers
in chorus, but not one would move.
Then the chief of police stood up in his
gondola and spoke to the people, none
of whom, however, listened to what he
said. All were too busy pushing and
screaming. 1t was almost time for the
racers to reappcar, and every minute
more boats were being pressed beyond
the bridge. "a dietro! \ dietrom
cried the policeman, with renewed vigor.
"a dietro! A dietro!'' repeated the gon-
dolicrs. But still no one moved. Then
the chief of police stood up again and
called out an order to a fireman in a rear
gondola. The latter at once turned a
great hose on the crowd and began
pumping away ut his small engine. a
stream of water fell upon the boats.
There were loud screams of Indignation
and then a rush. Men, women and chill
dren scrambled over the gondolas and
escaped through the narrow streets.
Gondolers rowcd again in good earnest,
and went swiftly down the canal, di.
rcctly in front of the returning boats.
Through this confusion the racers made
their way as best they could. The bridge
was reached, though when, and who
came first, none could see but the
judges, and, perhaps, the royal party
from the Pala2zo Toscani. - OWing.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

be very spry in order to get around them
all. And if she is not working to keep
off the spells set against her, the proba-
bilities are that she is connecting some
charms on her own account that shall
harm rival.
1t is a mistaken idea that the Turk is
eedate by nature. His gravity is
mask worn only in public. When he
comes home at > o'clock he relaxes from
the fatigue of his dignity and settles
himself for enjoyment. Loose garments
are assumed, and after supper the lamps
are lighted and the dissipation begins.
At least one wife is always selected for
her musical ability and one or two others
for their dancing qualities. These &C
complshments they exhibit ad libitum,
and music is always forthcoming from
the musical missing link above men
toned. The temporary fav0rite com
monty puts in her time shampooing the
old gcntleman's fcet-a luxury INDUCED
in by him for hours at a time. Often
wine is handed round, and shcrbets in
abundance. They laugh, and sing, and
eat and dance and make an "evening of
it, with boisterousness that would
shock the people OF the neighborhood if
everybody was not engaged in whoop-
ing it up himself. About midnight the
noise grows quietcr and the beds are laid
on the floors, and it is not long before
the rooms are held by silence unDrokcn
even by shore for it is the first war
ranty demanded by a Turk in his neso-
tiations for wife that she docs not
snore and never starts in her sleep.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

was to repate thin words out in the line,
livery mothers son of the horses would
laugh at yep
This latter fact the corporal denied and
the two thereupon proceeded to the
horse lines, accompanied by several wit.
nesses.
"Now, thin, what did We say" in.
inquired Pat. when they had reached
the scene of trial.
81 say again the infantry is better than
the cavalry"
Instantly a simultaneous roar of laugh.
ter burst from 700 Threats, and the ami
mails so moved to mirth were indeed
horses. The laughter continued in every
tone of voice, from the deep bass guifaw
to the treble, whinnying gggle. The
owners of the 700 Threats also exhibited
their merrimcnt in variety OF fantastic
ways, such as snorting, paving, biting,
kicking, plunging and rearing, and were
only restrained by the strong head and
heel ropes which kept them within due
bounds.
"lIa. ha! ha! IIo. no. no, Iii, hi
hi"
"Troth, thin. it's mesilf that was
wrong said the corporal.
How was the trick accomplished? Pat
had artfully managed it so that thcy
should make the trial just as the clock
was on the stroke of y. knowing thar
the horses were fcl at that time, and hat
at the first blast of the trumpet for "fced'
they would neigh with impotence until
served with their corn. 1t was at the
moment when he saw the trumpetcr raise
his instrument to his mouth, that he in
vited the corporal to repeat his asscr
tion
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
A HUMOROUS QUARTETTE.
FOUR LAUeHABLE sKETcHEs FOUND
IN ExCHANG IS.
Too BasIifuI TO Get the DOg-Wantcd
FOrk-HOw he Gave the AIarm -
70 Horse Laughter.


Talking about NTaine," continued my
old friend, "that reminds me of some
thing that happened down our way when
| lived there-when | was a boy. 1t was
in a country town. A young fellow very
bashfuD was out riding with his girl one
afternoon, when he saw an old farmer
coming down the road in his hay rig
ging. On the scat beside him was a lit
tie cur. .,--"'.''
Pm going to have some fun with
him, Sal, said the young swain, hauling
up along side of the old farmer. The
farmer drew up and the young fellow
bawled out, nudging Sally: Say stranger,
Pm powerfully struck with that there dog
of yourn, and I'd like to buy him
Well responded the farmer, q
think an ALFRED heap Of that dorg my
self, and | guess amt particular aDaout
scllin' of him..
"'Well, l allow want him powerful
bad and l don't mind giyin five dollars
for him.
"Thc farmer saw he was being 'guyed. ;
so he said: You pear to be likely
young cuss, and you've got a handsome
girl there with you. | tell you what I'll
do; you throw your arms around that
ere gal and give hcra good smack and
l don't mind giyin' yer the dorg'
"That was enough for the bashful
young man. he whipped up his horse
and went on. They rode along in silence
for an hour or more. Sal in her corner
and Bill in his. Then Sal sort of edged
up to Bills side, turned scarlet, and look
ing coyly into his eyes, said: Say, Bill
it pears to me that you didn't want that
dog powerful bad, did you" That set
tied it; it broke the ice, and one of their
grandchildren is going to school down
here now. y Boston Gazette.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
Horse Laughter.

Two soldiers, who may he known as
Corporal Flynn and Pat O'Neil were
one day discussing the respective merits
Of the infantry and cavalry, the one
maintaining the first to he the better
service, and the other as enthusiastically
unfolding the cavalry. After Icing ar
gument, the corporal exclaimed;
"Troth, thin, ye may prate about yer
horse, and yer sword, an yer spikes, but
! stick to it that the infantry is better
than the cavalry"
cloud yer whistw cried Pat. "Don't
be talkin' that way. Why man. If you
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

"Fhc Propr- study of Nnnltird * Nan"
woman in the list. he would have been nearer
the truth, if not 50 poetical DR. r. V.
Pierce has made them both n life study, espe-
cially woman, and the peculiar arrangements
to which her delicate system is liable Many
women in the land who are acqua nted with
DIR. Pierce only through his "Favorite Pre-
scription,' bless him with all their hearts for
he has brought them the anacea for all those
chronic ailments peculiar to their sex. such as
leucorrhUa, proapsus and other displace-
ments, liberation, internal fever boating,
tendency to internal cancer, and other all
ments Price reduced to one dollar BY
druggists.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

VIII buy TREATISE on THE Horse AND HIS
DISEASES. Book of 100 pages, valuable to
every ownerot horses: Postage stamps taken
Sent postpaid. NEW YORK HORSE Book Co,
ia Leonard Street, New York city
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
Do You Feel

All tired ont, almost Frustrated, without appetite.
nervous. depressed, and de-pondeut? Hoods Sar-
sqrarilla will give You strength and y-or restore
and sharpen your appetite, build up your nervous
system and clear your mind.
Do you have pimpes and bos breaking out
your body, scrofuous sores lunches, or other in
dications OF impure blood? Hoods Sarsaparlla will
remove every vestige of impurty and yJalze and
enrich the blood.
DO you have headache. indigestion heartburn,
distress after eating. taiutness, or other symptoms
of dyspepsia. Hoods Sarsaparla will tone up the
digestive organs, remove every disagreeable symp-
tom and completely cure you.
Do you have pains in the back and the Disagree
able evidences Of difficulties with the kidneys or
liver; Hoods Sarsaparila rouses these organs to
thcirp proper duties and enables them to resist the
alta ks of disease. Give it trial
Hoods Sarsa pariIIa
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

Sc the Frazer Axle Grease 'tis the best in
the world-Will Wear twice As long ms any 9TH
er. Ask your dealer for it. AMI take no other
DO not fear to be singular, and do not aim
to be odd
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

Blowing Up Hell Gate
has been n lab1rluus and costly work, but the
end justices the effort. Obstruction in any
important channel means disaster. Obstruc-
tons in the organs of the human body bring
inevitable disease. They must be cleared
away, or physical wreck will follow Keep
the liver in order. and the pure blood courses
through the body, conveying health. strength
and life: let it become dIsordercd and tho
channel, are clogged with impurities, which
result i'll disease and death. 30 other medi
cine equals DR.. Pierce's "Golden Medical Dis
covcryn for acting upon the liver AMI purify
ing the blood
THE population of Europe has increased in
century from Hi, 0lO, 900 to 5jO,OJ0,OOO.
We guarantee the speedy, painless and
permanent cure, without knife caustic or
salve, Of the largest pile tumors. Pamphlet
and references sent for two letter stamps.
Worlds DiSrensary Medical Association, GG3
Main street, Buffalo, ~ y.
ForR Arctic expeditions will leave Ger
many next winter
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

MENsMAN's PEPToNIzED REEF TONIC, the only
Preparation Object containingitS eu'tcs nt,rt-
tcuS properties 1t contains b!opl-mlkiut
force generating and DEMONSTRATING properties;
invaluable for Indigestion. dyspepsia, nervous
prostration, and all forms of general debility
also. in all enfeebled conditions. whether the
result of exhaustion. nervous prostration, over
work or acute disease, particularly if resulting
from pulmonary complaints CaSwel, Hazard
Co., Proprlc tors, New York. Sold by druggists.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

\ MAY who breaks his word bids others be
false TO him.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

An Only Daughter Cured OF Consumption.
When death was hourly expected from Con-
sumption, all remedies having failed and DIR.
H. James was experimenting, he accidentally
made a preparation OF Indian Hemp. which
cured his only child, and now gives this recipe
ON receipt of stamps to pay expenses. Hemp
also cures night sweats. nausea at the Stom-
ach, and will break fresh cold in a hours.
Address Craddock a Co., 1913! Race street,
Philadelphia, Pa naming this paper
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14
Paynes' Automatic Engines and SawMIll

We offer an to ~ ~. =. mounted Engine with Mil,
50 sod saw. 80 IT. betting cant-hook. rig complets
ttorop7 G'tl2n on cars To-. nns,ne on kid; sls
SONS. Manufactures Of all styles Automatic En-
glne>, from to @ H. p also Pulleys, Hangers and
Shaftng, Elmra, n Y. Box $40.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

COMMAND your temper lest it command
Won
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

Can be cured by
the old reliable
home remedy,
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

THE love of money and the love Of learning
rarely meet.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-08-14

ForR Arctic expeditions will leave Ger
many next winter
The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-31
ANDARD: JACKSON OHIO THURSDAY DECEMBER 81 1885
New Democratic Platform.

The Democrats in Cincinnati,
among other rascalities, put cipher
on top Of figure Z, and the Demo-
cratic Clerk counted it as a 8,
and the Democratic majority of the
Supreme Court decided that this
forgery must stand. This lets in 4
Democratic State Senators, and gives
the Democrats majority in the Sem
ate. In Columbus the Democrats
stole one of the returns and raised
figure 2 to 5, attempting to steal 300
votes, but they got ashamed, and did
not count them, although the forgery
is much neater job than the Cincin-
natl forgery.
I am indebted to- the Ohio State
Journal of the two forgeries:
The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-31
Total for the week $40
4 Case Of Spontaneous Combustion.

A Case Of Spontaneous Combustion.
Some one has estimated that the
time thrown away in this world in
courting the girl you want to marry,
and who is ready to marry you, would
build all the railroads and bridges and
tunnels and factories and public build
ings. The white race should take a
lesson in this from the colored people.
The other day likely young colored
man stood at gate in Birmingham,
Ala. A likely young colored woman
came along with a dog.
"Hi, darr' he called, "but mebbe
you want to sell dat dogp"
mo, sah.''
"Mebbe your name is Lucinda?"
"Yes, sah.'
II alters dote on dat name. lie
called Gawge.'
'sDat's pleasin'."
Size lookin', you knowP"
"Y-es."
scot money saved up. an stidy
job ahead. Shall [ speak to de ole
man?"
'He's in New Orleans
Len Ii see uo ole WOudH.
"She's dead"
''Wall, den, I'll ak you to be my
wife right now.
"You's foolin'."
deed, no.
"Hain't got nobody else?"
Nobody tall"
Reckon we'll hitch?"
''Co'se we will-can't help it,
"Wall, den, I'll say yes, an tonight
you come down to Mrs. Grumley's
kitchen an we'll sot de day an sorter
git acquainted
Lucinda, I"
$50 long, Gawge! Ize done said
yes, an dat's huff Come airly.''
$50 long, 'Cinda!'
''By-by, Gawge"
The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-31

In another place is an account of
the death Of Enoch Ewing, of Miehi-
gan. He was an uncle of DIR. Ewing,
of this place. When can first re-
member, he lived a short distance
north Of Vaughn's Station, in the
edge of Jefferson township. | was
acquainted with him until
he went to Michigan. He was good
citizen. and a Christian gentleman.