Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-08-20
A WATCH SCHEME.
How Hoffenstein Sold His Waistcoa

the GuiIc1ess Granger.
Herman" said Hoffensten. as he
entered the store with box in his
arms, / hat shust been NIT de auction
und vile l vas dere l BUYS some uf
dose exile blated watches for sbecu-
lation in de pslness.
''Vat you want NIT de watches, Mis-
der Hoffenstein?" inquired Herman, in
a tone of surprise. 'Iouis Levi, vot
keep de shewelry store on de next cor
ner, don't make money any longer, und
dis morning he dells me dat he vas 60
ing away, und drinks dat he VII open a
store at SHREVEPORT, we're his uncle,
Moses Salm. Ifs.
lit don t vas none of your piSinesS.
Herman" said Hoffenste n, ''vot Louis
Levi does l buys desc watches for de
burbose uf an addracEion to de custo-
mers vat come in und if Won hat de
sense vat peacock hat you would see
right away de scheme, you know. De
drouble NIT you, Herman, vas dat you
fools your times away NIT dem Loewen-
burg girls. und you don't can see any
ng. you know. Last week l sees you
Walking up st. Charles street NIT Re.
becca Loewenburg, und You don't dink
dat l vas dere, und l sees dat you
hat on Rebecca vat dey call
in the newspaper de arm
clutch vat makes you look
dat YOU vas policeman und dat de
young lady don't want to 60 long. you
know. want to dell YOU. Herman,
dat you don't look veil ven you walks
on the street NIT young lady, shust
because you knees will knock each
oder, und your feet dey wipes de ground
like dey vas cutting hav. you know.
If drinks, Herman, dat | looks half so
bad as you l meier go Walking NIT de
ladies"
Hoffenstein was on the point of say
ing something more, which would have
added to Herman's discontinue, when
he was interrupted by the entrance of
a customer, who inquired: ''Haveyou
any cheap vests in here?'' ''Vests, my
frent," replied Hoi1enstein, advancing
with smile, well, if 1 dom haf sheap
vests den L doI't dink l know my
psIness, you know. Now here vas a
mohair ardicle vat vas cool for de sum-
mer, und vat is shust de ding you
wants." and he took out of pile a
vest that had tomato-colored stains
on it as large as a saucer.
This vest appears to be damaged,
said the customer, cycling it critically.
lit has spots all over it. -
''You vos wrong. my trent" replied
Hoffensten; ''dat was Won uf dem new
vests vot vos called de Cleveland Spot,
you know, vot hat shust come on de
market. und sells it for only So"
81 don't want it. because it looks old
and bad" said the customer.
.Vell, never mind, my trent, you can
l.. s., II L n
present of dis and Hoffenstein took
one of the nickel-plated watches he
had purchased, and while the customer
was trying on thevest slippedit into one
of the pockets. The customer think
ing that he had struck a bargain
bought the vest and left the store.
Nov you see. Herman" remarked
Hoflenste. n, with a SIN lie. IVY 1 buys
dem watches De vest und de watch
only costs me 81, und if / don't hat de
addraction uf de watch 1 don't meier
sell de west De watch. Herman, vas
Won uf dem k nd vat will run ten hours
und vat dakes two weeks to Wind up.
Solomon Oppenhe mer buys Won ufdem
watches yonce, und ven he starts to
Wind it up he vas big helty man, but
he stays eight days und nights Winding
dot watch all de time, und he gets so
weak dat he faints. und he vas nefel
de same man any more. und now he
hat niger vat rolls him all around
de streets NIT leedle wagon, Her.
| man.
Yes, Misder Hoffenstein'
81 dlnk it would be veil if you gi1
away watch NIT Won uf dem old wool
| hats vat vas on de top SHELF" and then
| he walked about the store and looked
| at the goods, and called Herman's at
tention~ to the tiy-specks on the show
case and lectured hun at length about
his carelessness. @. Times Demo
1 c2.1E