The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-12-31
WIT AND HunIoR. ~
I'm 1'HEEBAW
OF BurmRh,

Of Burma0.
With delirium tremens f'm suffertn'.
I'm the red-handed ogre of MaHdalay. -
butcher Il man or two every day.
Save when I'm i'll and my mood is mild,
When slay a woman, or else child;
My CLAWS are like those of the beasts own,
And Barnah' 8 my jungle, range alone;
I'm wolf in clothes on reeking throne,
I'm tawny brute with taste for blood
And a great contempt for the threatening Lud
Dufferin;
Let him come with his troops; will eat them
I'm hungry and ugly, I'm Old Thesbsw. ::
OF Burmah;
With delirilIm trennens I'm suter1n. :.
The mule has ono more leg than o :
nilking-stool. and he can stand on one
and wave the other three round in as
many different directions. Chicago San. :
Guest at the Intervaie House to
waitress: "Nut-crackers, please. !"
Waitress, returning with plate Of soda.
crackers: This is the only kind We
have. ma am" Fact. J. Neso IorE Post.
The sporting fraternity hare grown:
so respectable of late that young
lady whose father is in the undertaking
business now speaks of her parent as
a professional boxer.-Boston 1raH-
script. i,
A Worcester County woman whose
husband is dentist engaged a man to
saw wood for her, and when the job
was done told him she hadn't got auy !;
change. but the doctor would pull q
tooth for him for nothing some time.-.
Boston Transcript. /
Rome, Ca, is a great city for mill
tary titles. By actual count there are
sixty-two Generals, Colonels, Majors
and Captains. Not single private Is
known to be within the city hmits.-
Columbus (Ga.) Enquirer. ::
A female school-teacher living at
Lodi wrote to the Superintendent of
Butte County for position. and mod
estly asked the Superintendent il, in
case there were no vacancies, he would
kindly assist her in ousting some old
fossil. San Francisco Aita.
.'And did you tamely stand by and
permit Smith to call you liar and
cowardP" ..Not much, didn't. I'm
not that kind of a man." What did
you do?" 81 hurried off and saw my
lawyer. I've got three witnesses. and
the case comes up to-day. ."-Neso York
Times.
81 attended two theatres the first
night l was in New York" wrote
rural buck TO his fond parents, ''and
three balls the next. Had glorious
time the first. and only got 81 on my
watch the next" The unsophisticated
old people are still wondering what
he meant.-Btnghanston Republican.
Once there was a hired man who
was constantly astonishing his employ
er, farmer, by doing strange and un-
expected things. One day the farmer
went into the barn and found that his
man had hanged himself Looking at
the dangling body few minutes. he
exclaimed: What on earth will that
fellow do next?"
DR.. J. w. Griggs' suit against the
Western Railroad was terminated last
Friday. The jury gave the doctor
damages to the amount Of $3.50. We
asked him what he proposed to do
with so much money. He said: II
shall buy tirst-class donkey and name
it for the Judge who presided in the
case. "-West Point Goa kesos.
A well-known Westfield character
recently wrote to one of our public
school teachers that he wanted his
children to learn to read, not to march
that they could be taught to do that
at home, and that he had previously
sent two of them to another school
where they did nothing but march, uu-
til they finallymarched into the Reform
School Westfeld (Nass.) Times.
HAS America need of Westmin-
ster AbbeyP" asks an exchange. ''Well,
wouldn't it be rather ungrateful to
bury the Sweet Singer of Michigan
and the author of The Bloody Buca-
neer of the Bounding Billows' in q
common, everyday cemetery, where
repose the remains of base bali players,
editors, roller-skaters, congressman,
and other ordinary peopleP P'-Nerrss-'
toson Herald.
A certain young couple of our town
were looking cautiously over the pages
of a hymn-book the other evening,
when the young man paused for mo-
ment and pointed at a hymn entitled
,''When shall we embraeea, Present.
ly the young lady, in answer to this
question, turned to the old familiar
hymn. Sin the Sweet By-and-by." We
suppose there will be match soon
Fort Gains (Ga.) Advertiser
Attorney-"So, madam, you want
me to commence breach of promise
suit against Mr.. Slider. Well, give
me some of the particulars. What
county do you wish the action brought
imp" Ancient maiden-"Well, You
see. that's the trouble. The darn fool
proposed to me on railroad-train,
just as we were sliding over the county
line; so don't know what county it
was. "-Chicago Rambler.
A French gamekeeper lately stopped
a sportsman in the environs Of Nantes
The latter was about to enter q small
wood when the keeper came up and
said: Monsieur, you cannot shoot
there; this wood is reserved" 20, it
is all right" returned the sportsman.
Il have the proprietor's verbal per-
local custodian replied: Then must
trouble you to show it. please"
The intelligent compositor came
across the words Cricket on the
Hearth" With his usual perception,
he saw that ''cricket on the hearth
was nonsense. ''Of course" he
thought, sit is impossible to play
cricket on hearth; evidently it should
be heath cricket on the heath means
something" He made the emenda.
tion, and another gray hair was added
to the editors whitening head-Boston
Transcript.
Uncle Rastus-"pse willin' ter
knowledge dat l stole de ham, sab,
but dar am extenuaratin' sahcum-
stances kernected wild de case, sab. I
was 'toxicated, sab, an didn't know
nuffen what was bout"
Mr.. X.-"I don't believe you were
Uncle Rastus."
Uncle Rastus-"Deed was; kin
prove it. If hadn't been drunk dat
night, yo' honah, I'd toted off moan
one ham. Life. l
Capt. Smith of Valdosta tells good
joke on himself which he says happen
ed at a Nashville (Ga.) court last
week. A negro was being tried for
and, being unable to employ
counsel, the court appointed Capt.
Smith to defend him. They had gone
into the case and had proceeded a good
ways, Capt. Smith using his best legal
skill for the poor fellow, when the ne
gro turned to him and said: .'Leeke,
boss ainft 60 r~;x,