Connecticut western news., 1885-05-20
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WIT AND WISDOM.


 ever, but houses arc falling.
 Irisa noticeable fact that the tight mau always transaets his business in a very loose manner.
 WE don't know for certain there is n man in the moon; but we are dead sure there is one in the honeymoon.
 ONE of the regular duties of the Vice. roy of Ireland is Co kiss all the young ladies who are presented at his reoep- tions.
 Tndp Buyer--"Ts the horse shy or timid ?" Ardent Seller-''Not bit of it. Why, he sleeps all alone in his stable"
 "A COUNTRY where the parties are AI- ways young and the children always little, " is Victor Hugo's bright definition of Paradise. ..
 A BosroN meAdicant writes to apaper for aims to keep him from starving to deOth, and very appropriately signs himself "Nota bene." ...,
 SOME one says: "A play must have a motive." Most of them have, and it seems 10 be to get people to pay SL50 to see twenty-hye-cent show.
 THERH is a fortune in store for tho milliner who shall devise bonnet that can be worn in any part of church and always present its trimmed side to the congregation.
 You go out to hunt man who owes you money; you find him and get promise-that's work. You go out to hunt a man who owes you money; you find him and get it-that's luck.
 'T CAN'T say as he went to heaven" remarked Fort Scott citizen of de- ceased townsman, "but he paid a bill cf eleven years standing only the day be- fore he died, and you can judge for yourself"
 "MA," said little Johnnie, holding up his mothers slipper, "can you tell me why your slipper is like the after sail of papa's ship9" "No, my son; why is it9" ''Because," said little Johnnie, ''it's Q spanker.
 To "H. l.. B."-JN answer to your query as to how the Statue of Liberty is getting on, we would say that she has nothing just at present to get on, but in other respects she is doing quite well, thank you. ."-Life. .. ......
 'I sEE your wifes back, !" said Joe Pressus to John Peene, whose better half had been on a visit to Hastings. "well," said Peene, eff you sec any thing on my wife's back that ain't paid for, just mention it.
 oI'p have you to lnow," said Mrs. F., with some asperity, "that my brother has always moved in the best society," s'Yes. !" replied Fogg, Tor he was never allowed to remain in it; which. of course, is the same thing, my dear"
 ''You say," said judge to n witness, 'that the plaintiff resorted to m in- genious use of circumstantial evidence. State just exactly what you moan by that" "Well, !" said tho witness, ''my exact meaning is that he lied. !"
 AoooRpISo to the Boston Sonti,,cl, of July, 1881, Jefferson was solicited on behalf of some claiming to have saved their country. Yes, he responded, Rome was once saved by geese; but never heard these geese were made rev. enue officers.'
 IF you have been moving and cannot find the blacking brush don't spend your time in looking in this corner and that, but go directly to the box where you keep your white neckties and you will find it. If you can't find your white neokties look in the blacking case. These rules always hold.
 WHEN lovely woman throws . rock, A oontumaoious hen to scare,
 It gives tn artistic eye a shock To mark her attitude and air.
 But bo not Co your danger blind If you should be beside her theni
 At once place of safety find,
 That is Co say, stand near tho hon. -Bost0n Courier
 MRs. VRAao SMITH Qoolxing up in surprise from the newspaper): "Well, Mir. Smith, here's piece of news about our friend Mir. Jones. It seems that he has got divorce from his wife. Did you know anything about itP" Mir. Smith (moodily): No; and don't see what good bis being divorced is going 10 do me-"
 A WORTHY old couple of Lowell, the man member of which is an invalid, have various attentions from kind neighbors. One day last week . we'll meaning friend sent in bottle of dis- infectant, which she thought was hooded, and calling later to see how her prote- ges were getting along she was informed that Mir. had taken considerable of that medicine, and it seemed to do him lots of good.-Lo,ooH Courier.
 "YEs," said Mrs. Catchem, "thoee are my daughters over there on the sofa; they have half million between them" It was not until after they were married to their daughters that the two young men who overheard the nboye remark found out that Mrs. Catchem referred to the rich old codger who sat on the sofa between the girls. Mrs. Catchem couldn't tell fib, but she knew how to speak the truth ad- vantageously.
 A Lesson in Worldly Philosophy.