The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-03-05
THE MERRY SIDE !!

portsmouth Oh1cerS are complaining OF
hard times, because the men cannot get
money enough to get drunk on.
Mrs. Gen. Tom Thumb is going to mar
ry Count Magri, an Italian. She regards
it as little in her to remain widow.
IS -
Many man, during cold wave, is
like "first-class" cigar-a very poor fill
ing, with wealth of outside wrappings.
The young dude who denounced ''the
old man" as an old fogy, changed his mind
at supper time. He was hungry, then.
Dan. Roth, whisky-seller, of Gallon,
Ohio, fell and killed himself. He lived by
the "spirits" and probably died in the same
Spirits"
Men attain great distinction by very
simple methods sometimes. Senator
Thurman gained great notoriety by blow
ing his nose.
The residence of Neat Shank, of Millers-
burg, Ohio, was blown up by dynamite
but the proprietor preserved Neat Shank
by being away from home,
&u%
Grover Cleveland will be surprised to
learn, on reading the newspapers, that he
is betrothed to a large number of young
ladies, and several times married, since
the election.
The Firemen at Gallipolis held pray
er-meeting on Washington's birthday, in
stead of the usual ball. The meeting is
the more appropriate for the enemies Of
fire.
"Pm learning to play cards real we'll"
joyfully exclaimed a sprightly young Ia
dy. What of it? The lowest drunken
gambler, in the lowest dogeery, can do
that.
John Barkel, Pennsylvania miner,
has gone crazy over the result of the Pres
idential election. John only did after the
election what nearly everybody else did
UOIOIO Gu0 cltCllOu.
&.+
A North Carolina farmer is more gen.
erous than the President-for, just as soon
as you see the six hounds, three pet crows,
and ten children, you know who are the
members of his cabinet.
Portsmouth has begun to dabble with
Electric Lights, and now you may look
for the citizens to "cuss" one another un-
til the whole place is filled with Electric
ity for the next three months.
1t is claimed that the large "pussy" peo-
pie are frequently the best dancers. Moth
ing strange about that. A tub will sit
more firmly on it's bottom than walking
stick or an umbrella.
One of the beauties of "coasting" con-
sists in humping against posts, trees and
fences until the end of the nose takes a
little cruise around the coast of the head
and attempts to sail into the harbor of
the air.
At Locust Corner, Ohio, wild animal
is screaming in the woods at night, and
soaring whole eneighborhoods. Why don't
somebody go over and ask her to quit? 1t
is probably young lady practicing piece
of classical vocal music.
Sam Grafton, while skating on rollers,
at the Rink at Findlay, Ohio, carried
can of Oil in his hip pocket, with which
to grease the rollers. He suddenly slip
ped and sat down on the oil can, running
the neck of it into his hip, from the effect
of which he died. Had you asked that
man if he could see any danger in the
Rink, he would have promptly answered
81 can notp
Grandma" said little Johnny, who was
reading the newspaper, they're goin' to
have PYRorECHNICs in Washington on
the fourth.
"Hey! What's that?" Why that silly
man Cleveland will kill himself with
high livin'.''
interviewed as to how he would fight the
English in the Soudan. His plan was
simple-just "shoot off rockets and scare
the camels, and thus throw the Britishers
into confusion" This would necessitate
the carrying of a large store of salt to put
on their tails in order to catch them again.
Girls, beware! We hear of girl who
became so accustomed to falling at the
Rink, that she abstractedly went about
the street on all fours, occasionally stop
ping on the corner and standing on her
head. 1t was sad case, but there was
no remedy.
We overheard one Jackson man COM
plimenting another upon his musical
taste, few days ago, and when we in
ouired what instrument he played upon,
was answered that a friend passing his
house saw him seated in front of large
open notebook, playing upon the jeeos-
harp.
The police of Jackson adopted a new
and effective method, one night last week,
for taking some of the devil out of a
drunken man. A well-known colored
man was put in the lookup, and at once
began to play crazy, bowling, swearing,
and talking nasty, generally. Finally the
police attached small hose in the engine
house, so as to throw a stream of water
into the cell. All was made ready and
whep the prisoner opened bis mouth to