davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1885-01-09
Ill IN ECEHAlI4
For the spocta1asts
DR.. WAGNER & co.

DR. H. WAGNER Is fully aware that there are
many physicians, and some sensible people. who
viii condemn him for making this class OF dis
eases q speciality, but heels happy 10 know that
With most persons Of refinement and infeili-
gence a more enlightened view Is being taken
OF the subject. and that the physician who de-
votes himself to relieving the afflicted and
saving them from worse than death, Is no less n
phiianthrophist and a benelactor 10 his race
than the surgeon or physician who by close np-
plicarion excels In any other branch OF his pro-
Iession. And. fortunately for humanity. the day
Is dawnkug when the false philanthropy that
kondemned the victims Of folly or crime, like
the lepen under the Jewish law, to die uncared
for. has passed away.
, 1885-01-09

Every smoker should try 'Littl
, 1885-01-09

Successor to Or. Cray. Offices over
Drug Store, corner Sixteenth and Eddy.
ON the Office day or night. United Statea
lone No 49,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
4 SBciable Policeman.

\ gentleman who rented coun-
try house near New York City ex-
pcricnccd much annoyance from
thieves who robbed the apple trees,
but was never able to catch any of
them. Coming ont unexpectedly
one afternoon, he discovered a
man hidden among the foliage of
an apple tree, presumably with
larccnouS intent. You had better
come down from there or I'll send
for one Of the mounted police and
have you arrrstcl,' said the man
who was trying to raise apples.
The offender cOoncd it backward
dOwn The tree, when, to the amaze
mcnt Of the amateur hOrticulturist,
who should the guilty party be
but the mounted policeman. Il
thought | heard you say you wanted
a policeman, said the uniformed
protector ofproperty, as he picked
up some fruit and concealed it in
his bulging pockets. 'WelI, you
are a cool one. Don { you want to
borrow a basket to carry some
more homer The policeman mount
ed his horse, which was tied ont
side Of the fence, and, as he rode
off with his booty, he said 'WC
mounted police in the suburbs
don't put on az much style as them
New York City cops. We are more
Sociablc, we are
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

Gods altar. In Gods sight | am
your wife. | claim my right to
share your dark days as well as
those on which the sun OF prosper
ity may shine
He strove to answer, but his voice
broke. She had conquered, but,
womanlike, she gave him the glory
of her victory, as she sobbed out
her happiness upon his heart.
4 month later there was a quiet
wedding, at which there were neith-
er flowers, nor bridesmaids, nor
music, but Marion Willoughby
missed nothing. 1t was only after
the ceremony had been performed
that Chester showed her adocument
which had been his wedding gift
from the firm he had served so
faithfully, and which admitted him
as a junior partner from that date.
But she smiled half sadly as she
looked att through a mist of tears.
you said once, dear she whis-
pered, 'that flowers, to live, needed
sunlight. Ny darling, had not
then made the wonderful discovery
that love made sunlight every
where. With your heart my home,
be its outward adornmcnts what
they will, envy no king his place
or queen her throne
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
The Bang

Oh, the bang, the horrible bangi
Worse, even worse than the modern girls
slang,
Covering, hiding the forehead so fair,
Warning young men OF that girl TO Dewar e.
See it disfgure the head of a child,
Spelling her features, 50 fresh aud 50 mud
Cut with the kitchen clip down TO her eyes,
Leaving her brOws an affair Of surmise.
Plenty of charms has the sweet little girl,
Eyes Of clear azure and teeth of pure pearl,
Yet we must ask, of her head and its shape,
d" Is she a damsel, or is she an ape Y
See her grown sister. her bangs all in curls,
Deeminc herself the most lovely Of girls,
Making that bang with snch exquisite care,
Look like a plaster or poulticc Of hair.
Young fellows stare at such girls as they
stop,
Not to admire, but to quiz their make eup,
Saving with utterance quiet but deep,
" Mucilage ought to De plenty and cheap
Grandmother, too, must come out with a
bang,
Nearly as bad as the rest of the gang,
Hiding the forehead that grandpa admires
Under frizz that she borrows or hires.
Why should our women, the loved Of our
hearts,
Make themselves frightful by hideous arts
Why should they cover their foreheads 50
fair,
Worse than the male fool who plasters his
haiI
Surely the serpent bequeathed US fang,
Left in the garden and known rs a bang.
Let it depart, aud by no more insidious
WAYS may the beautiful make themselves
hideOus.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
SNUFF Eating.

City druggists have very many
glimpscs in the inner life of their
customers. Il want five cents
worth of snuff said little woman,
as she bent over the counter of a
drug store this morning and whls-
pered the order in the clerks ear
with a mysterious mien. Glanclng
furtively around to assure herself
that there we're no witnesses to the
transaction, she added: 'lts for
another lady. never use the
stuff Picking up a neatly wrap
ped little bundle in white paper,
she placed 1t to her nose to assure
herself that it was the genuine ar
tclc, then flung down nickle and
hurredly left the store. 'Ilere,
JOHNNY said the clerk, turning to
a boy who was standing behind the
prescription case in conversation
with a reporter, 'put up some more
snu0 All those packages we made
last night are gone already. Hurry
Here's another customer across the
street. Yes, our chief patrons are
women. We have no male callers
for snuff at all. The men chew to-
bacco instead. OF course no woman
buys the snuff for herself. The
purchase is made for neighbor or
a friend. | have heard women
complain of the stuff, which they
said they were buying for another
woman. The habit, | understand,
is very fascinating, and when once
begun is more binding than either
chewing tobacco or smoking. In
its strength to enslave the will II
approaches the power OF narcotics.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
The superiority of"Grand-in
fhcr's Clock

IfIt were not for what may be
designated as meteorological
changes, the problem of the accu-
rate measurement of time would be
solved il we had u heavy pendulum
driven uniformly over small arc.
But here are two ifs We will take
the second of them first, as it is
more easily disposed of. Postulat-
ing at the outset machinery in the
train very nicely executed, and
with jcweled bearings so that it
will act uniformly, or with the
least possible variation, we have
before us the question Of propell.
ing it uniformly. That the best
power for a clock is a weight, is be-
yOnd dispute. The invention OF the
coil-spring came near annihilating
the race of good common clocks.
'Grandiathcr's clock with its
wooden wheels and other crudties,
is still the superior Of the grand.
sons clock as n time-keeper, for
'grandfather's clock had the great
advantage of Il uniform power suf.
ficient aud just sufficient to propel
the clock when it was properly
cleaned and oiled. Tho grandson's
clock has a coiled.spring as u mo.
tiyc-powcr, having when it is tightly
wound, not less than three times
the amount Of power required to
drive the clock, and diminishing in
amount, thereby altering the rate
of the clock, with each successive
hour. The grandsOn's clock will
march on, oiled or unoiled land
therefore usually unoiled), until it
comes TO a premature end as com
plctc as that Of the 'Onc boss shay
The 'grandiather's clock on the
other hand, which declined to go
unless its Iations of oil were dolcd
ont to it once in year or less by
the pcripdic;ic tinker, is good for
another century, since its bearings
have been saved from cutting them
solver away from lack of oil. The
kitchen clock Of today can only be
made to keep respectable time by
50 regulating it that the gain it
ma cs when tightly wound shall be
Offset by the loss as it runs down.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

CLOSE QUESTIONS.-GOnr tenn
pers how are they Do yOn be-
come impatient under trial, fretfll
when chided or cross, angry, Ie.
vcngeful, when injured, vain when
flattered, proud when prospered,
complaining when chastened, I'M
believing when seemingly fOrsakcn,
unkind when neglected ! Are You
subject to discomfort, to ambition,
to seldshness Are you @Oridly,
cOnyetous of riches, Of yaid p0mp
aud parade, Of indulgence, Of hon
or or ease }? Are you uuiee,iHg,
contemptuous Of others, seeking
your own, boaStcrs, proud, lovers
of your own selves These are ,he
sediments Of the nature. Nay, if
they exist in you, in however small
a degree, they are demOnStrAtiye
that the old manof sin is not dead.
1t will be a sad mistake if you de-
tect these evils within, and yet
close your eyes to them, and con.
tinue to make profession OF holi-
ness. These are not infrmitie5
they are indications of want Of
grace.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

TIE HAT IN CHURCH.-One OF
tie church-wagdens was observed
to east uneasy glances toward an
individual wearing sailor Jacket
and cap Of scafaring and jaunty
appearance, which latter surmount-
ed Il clean.shayen face and closely
cut hair. After Il little while he
approached the sailor laddie and
whispered audibly:
Cant you take OF yonr hat Is
there any reason why you can't
take Off your hat 2
By the discounted look of the
qucstiouer rs he returned to his
seat, and the appearance Of the
res, OF the costume rs the rest of
the hat walked ont Of church at
the conclusion Of The service, it
Sa, cylieat that the whispered
reply was, 4 am girl"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
A Lawyers rrick Exposed.

A correspondent OF the Chicago
Times relates some interesting
anecdotes of old Gov. Allen-'liise-
up William Allen one Of the most
noted and popular political charac-
ters ever produced by Ohio. One
incident is particularly amusing.
At one time Gen Murphy, a cele-
brated advocate, practsed in
Chillicothe and Southern Ohio, the
defense OF criminals being his
forte. His power with jury was
almost irresistible, and the facility
with which he wept in behalf Of
his client carried everybody with
him.
A notorious horse thief had been
indicted at Chillicothe, ald, OF
course, had retained Gen. Murphy.
The prosecuting attorney secured
the services of Allen to help him
convict the rascal if possible. The
evidence was heard aud it mad, a
pretty clear case against the ac-
cused. The prosecutor opened for
the State and was followed by
Gen. Murphy in one Of his most
eloquent and fearful efforts. The
jury, like the advocate, and IL
large portion Of the audience were
in tears, but Allen sat bolt upright,
with a stony and dangerous glare
in his steel.gray eyes. When Gen.
Murphy had concluded, and slt
wiping away his tears and sobbmg,
Allen arose and said:
Gentlemen of the jury, it seems
cruel to say anything to break the
charming spell that the learned
counsel has woven around you, or
rudely diSpel the tears that he has
drawn like pearls ofhumanily from
your eyes. Your tears have been
responsive to his, but perhaps had
you known the fountain whence
sprang his tears, yours would not
have welled up responsive. Gentle
men of the jury, let me show you
the fountain of the learned cOun.
sells tears
Saying this he reached over the
table with his long arm and fshed
something out Of Gen. Murphy's
coatpocket. Holding aloft a big
red onion, peeled to the quick, he
went ON:
Il was aware that the onion was
the symbol of the Egyptian mys-
teries, but not until now did 1
know that it was the substance OF
Gen. Murphy's tears and mysterious
power over a jury
The prisoner was convicted with
out the jury leaving the box, and
twas years before Gen. Murphy
| got over the clever expose.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
SHENANDOAH HERALD
sTarlS Twain's Bride.

| remember one circumstance or
bygOne times with great yiyidness,'
said Mark Twain during a recent
/ lecture in Buffalo. Il arrived here
after dark on February evening
| 1870 with my wife and a large
company of friends, when | had
been a husband for twenty-four
hours, and they put us two in
covered sleigh and drove us up and
down every which way through all
the back streets Of Buffalo, until at
last got ashamed.
Il asked Mr.. Slee to get Inc
cheap clearinghouse but / didn't
mean that he should stretch econo-
my TO going outside Of the State
to find 1t.
The fact was, there was
practical joke to the four which l
didn't know anything about, and
all this fooling around was to give
it time to mature. Ny father'ln-
law the late JeryIs Iangton, whom
many OF you will remember, had
been clandestinely spendinga fare
fortune upon a house and furniture
in Delaware avenue for us, aud
had kept his secret 50 well that !
WAS the only person this side OF
Niagara Falls that hadn't found it
ont.
We reached the house at last,
about ID o'clock and were intro
Guced to Mrs. Johnson, the
ostensible landlady. | took
glance around and then my opinion
of Mr. Slee's judgment as a pro-
wider of cheap boardinghouses for
men who had to work for living
feb below zero. told Mrs. John
son there had been an unfortunate
mistake. Mr.. Slice had evidently
supposed | hal money, whereas |
only had talent; aud 50, by her
leave, we would abide with her a
week, aad then she could keep my
trunk and we would hunt another
place.
Then the battalion of ambnshed
lrendsand relatives burst in on us,
out Of closets and from behind
curtains; the property was deliver
ed over to US and the joke revealed,
accompanied with much hilarity.
Such jokes as these are all too
scarce in a PERSONS life. That was
a really admirable joke, for that
house was SO completely equipped
in every dctail-eyen to house
servants and coachmen-that there
was nothing to do but just sit
down and live in it.
'Well, the house isn't ours, now,
but we've got the coachman yet
All these fifteen years he has been
a living and constant reminder of
that pleasant jest. lie was
spruce young STRIPPING then, with
his future all before him. He
showed himself worthy of high
good fortune, and it has fallen
richly to his lo;, beyond his most
distempered dreams; he's got a
wife and nine children now. |
would not discriminate. | would
not show partiality; | wish you all
the same luck
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

TWAS VERY BEAUTIFUL.-They
sat in lover.like simplicity at the
starboard end Of the sofa, twitter.
ing sweet nothings that were car
ried up to the throne Of Love on
platters of priceless pearl by Cupids
with irdcscent wings that cleaned
in the golden smile of Venus with
drops of ambroSial dew.
That's beautiful mOrceau,' she
murmured with boardIng.school
ecstasy, as she quoted some gem OF
beauty.
'Ah, yes he answered, more so
than anything have seen for
some time.
Then a great horse blanket OF
infinite silence fell upon them,
broken only 10y her small brother
as he wrggled from beneath the
sofa and fled like a lost soul through
the parlor door.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

\ man Who was so low with the
fever that his physician felt it to be
his dnty 10 tell him he could not
live, Unexpectedly recovered. His
friends asked him how he felt when
told that he must die. His reply
WAS, Il never felt SO mortified in
my life
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

George had proposed and been
accepted.
well, said she, Il can sing and
play on the piano and harp, can
paint, and at the seminary | was
up in the fine arts, and political
economy and logic, and | can
crochet beautifully, and play lawn
tennis, and, and-thats about all,
think. Now, tell me what are
some Of your accomplishments,
Georgcr
Il haven't got any
Not a single one =
'Well, he said, with a sigh, if
the worst should come to the worst,
| think | might be able to cook
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

What poetess practically re.
fers to as warm paleness' is some.
thing almost identical with the hue
of the mans face who struggles
wildly on the perilous edge of an
orange peel, reclining at length on
the sidewalk, and is too pious to
swear.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
Something for the Baby.

Whata terrible aiiiiction about the house
i-across, crying baby Ayoung man on the
edge of matrimony might easily be fright
cned from his purpose by having too muck
of that sort OF music at the home OF his
married friends. Yet babies cry common.
ly only whom they are sick. One teaspoon
iul of Parser's Tonic, given the little one,
Niil bring rost and sleep 10 the baby and
AN in the hpnse. Only 80 cents, at drug
glsts.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

Here's a whole ball of twine,'
said the irritable old gent to his
musical niece, 'and now want a
stop put to this thing OF settin'
down in the parlor hull hours at a
stretch, raisin' the neighbors, yellin'
about Tho Lost Chord.' She is
now learning a new song.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
TAR. B. F. MAPHls &c BRO.
-A~ Den til .-.---

orross woods,ocA ami s'nm''..l'' 'is .'''
In Woodstock. .st and 4l we--s OF 'H,l ID ..-'-'
In saumsvilo 20 ana itl esd. IS. -... 4..-
Those IN need Of Arsi c.t.. De-'.'.'
ate prices will do vel. O. ctL .-.... o,
Pull se,s Of Artificial &C.. 90 ifoA t"o'' .'''''
1850 and 5000. ..,-.- ana, silver
pure gold hlAugs ffol Sac ID '''.''
alIirss from 75c. 20 500. ., o.,t ,,d
Artiacial teeth put up on ga t,.l' D'.' D'.I..-.
eeilsloid Cofnbinaaon, Ceileiod ana Hroo. -',,
sold asd Porcelain rlyoiing. clasps ~ ol'.---
,t,snson qiven 20 hiing and preserving 'le Ia
.-.I e.@sb ana correcting the irresu.aiities.
All work warranted nrsi Class. t,-
~ Teethe extracted als1inieY "llA-'' , -'- -
ths ure Of Nitrous Oxide Gas
March i9.-M.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
An UnintcnfiOnaI JOkc.

On a certain charge of one of the
Methodist Conferences in the Val.
ley Of Virginia there was \ change
Of preachers. The newly.appointed
preachers name was Wolf. His
predecessor was Il serious, solemn
man, who could scarcely appre-
ciatc a Joke when made, much less
be guilty Of perpetrating one.
The preacher was present with
the Presiding Elder Of the district
at the first quarterly meeting. The
p. Il. requested him to close the
morning service on Saturday in the
usual way. Taking the hymn.
book, the preacher looked rather
hurriedly for hymn, and read,
with a solemn air:
Jesus, great Shepherd Of the sheep,
To Thee for help we tly;
The little flock in safety keep,
For, oh the roy is nigh.
II comes, Of helish malice full,
To scatter, tear, and slay;
II sezcs every struggling soul
As his own lawful prey.
The preacher, absorbed in his
reading, never noticed the amused
smile that lighted up every face in
the cOngrcgatlon.-Ex.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

When a man has u business that
doesn't pay he usually begins to
look around for a partner to share
his losse with him.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

\ negro mother in E.bcrton, Ga.
while washing the face of her little
chiId, so cnrdgcd the little fellow
that he died from the eject of hold
ing his breath too long.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

10 must somewhere he written
that the virtues of mothers shall
occasion ,lly be visited on their
children, as well as the sius of
fathers.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

A poet sings: Il miss you, my
darling ; the embers burn low on
the hearth Yes, it's an awful
thing not to have a wife to attend
to the fire.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

The way to sleep is to think OF
nothing says a scientist. All an
editor has to do is toruminatc over
his bank account.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

There are seyenteendifferent theo-
ries as to the cause Of earthquakes.
Meanwhile the quakes keep ON with
out a theory.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

Don't lie awake nights and
cough Ayers Cherry Pectoral
will relieve the cough aud induce a
good nights rest.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

a little chap who fell on the
pavement in front OF a Woodward
avenue grocery the other day and
broke a jug, jumped MP and called
ont to a boy on the corner:
Isn't that boss 2
'Why, didn't you break the Jugl'
'Of course did, but it was
empty. If Id only waited five
minutes I'd have lost a hull gallon
of 'lasses by the breaking. Bet
your boots Pm allus lucky
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

Barrels, musical instruments,
pipes, car.wheels, napkins, and
very many other articles are now
made of paper.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

100, 5ND..L ariLra
IXTALKER & KELLER ..~
w ATTORNElS-AT-.AN'
WoonsioeK. VIRGINIA.
~ Office in Beraer D.i.lnt.. ....-
sr.cisi attention to collect oi ei-iiDs'
May 's4-tf
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
A e.. wYNHooP

A r.. WYNk)oF'
ATTORNEF IT l. 4 -
Odee forar'y ocV'o. y '''" '"'
Magruder.
WOODSTOCK VA
w,ngsaetiee in taecouris of saer4nao'A '"'
~ special attention given % '.e M. care.
nsand alliegal business ,',,l saiur-
SeS'rs tbe and TUESDAY .i Zach noN'-' -'
Dr.. L. H. Jorlan's once.
sept. tlh-u.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03
Nisspcnt Evenings.

The boy who spends an hour Ol
each evening lounging idly on tho
street corners wastes, in the course
of a year, three hundred and sixty
five hours, which, if applied to
study, would familiarize him with
the rudiments Of almost any of the
familiar sciences. In addition to
wasting an hour each evening, he
spends ten cents for n cigar, which
is usually the case; the amount
thus worse than wasted would pay
for ten of the leading periodicals
of the country.
Boys, think Of these things
Think how much time and money
you are wasting, and for what Z
The qualification afforded by the
lounge on the corner, or the cigar,
is not only temporary, but posi-
lively hurtful. You cannot in
dulge in them without seriously
injuring yourselves. You acquire
lille and wasteful habits which will
cling to you with each succeeding
year. You may in after life shake
them off, but the probabilities are
that the habits thus formed in
early life will remain with you to
your dying day. BE warned, then,
in time aud resolve that as the
hour spent in idleneSS is gone for
ever, you will improve each pass
ing one, and thereby fit yourself
for usefulness and happiness.
PHoToGRAPHING A THIEF IN AC-
TfoN.-A Mrs. Curtis, carrying an
alligator skin hand satchel which
contained s22, entered a photo
graphic gallery in Chicago to have
her photograph taken. Two men
unoDseryed followed her into the
gallery. While the photographer
was in the darkness of the camera
he heard a great noise and pulled
the trigger taking an instantaneous
photograph. When he got his
head out of the curtain man was
rushing out of the door and Mrs.
Curtis was screaming. The hand
satchel was gone. Mrs. Curtis
said that man had rushed in and
snatched her satchel from her.
When the artist looked at the plate
he was astonished to find that he
had a double photograph. Por.
tions Of Mrs. Curtis showed up
through a maze of ontstrctched
hands, q fur hat and n brown.ovcr-
coat. He had photographed the
thief in action. The Des Plains
street officers arrested William
Burns. Some Of Mrs. Curtis's
money was found In his possession
and he was fully Identified by the
photograph.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-04-03

The lost cord The missing
woodpile.