The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-07-02
John Ross
Kicked by o boss

There was no Intentional disrespect to
the memory Of
John Ross
Kicked by boss
And It may have been in deep dejec-
ton that the friends of the unfortunate
youth killed during q pyrotechnic dis
play, wrote upon his tombstone:
Here lie.
Killed by sky
Rocket in my eye.
While its Caledonian origin borne in
mind Git halls from Edinburg, there
was probably no premeditated levity to
the lines in memory of
John Macpherson-that wonderful person
s s5d 1927 ct TWO AZ Water 10 sn00
The humor of the following is mere
ly due to peculiar punctuation:
Erected to the memory OF John Phillips
his brother.
It is difficult to say whether in jest or
monition the following was inscribed
to the memory of an earl of Kildare:
Who killed Kildare?-who dared kildare to
Death Killed Kildare.-Who dare kin whom be
will
Sepulchral references to the former
pursuits of the departed have been very
common. Lawyers whose familiarity
with ssWays that are dark" have called
for censure; and doctors whose profes-
sional ministrations shave filed the
half of this churchyard" have formed
the principal subjects Exception Is
made in favor of . legal ornament, one
Mr.. Strange, but at the expense OF his
brother practitioner
Here lies an honest lawyer-StrangeI
The proposed epitaph to the eminent
cook, Alexis Soyer:
Peace to his ashes.
Is well known. Less known but more
admirable is that upon a deceased
dyer
Here lies O man who dyed Of wool q great
One day he died himself-and dyed no moro.
The conjugal relation, sad to say, has
suffered sharply at the hands OF the ep-
| itaph writer-and, sadder still to re-
cord, the weaker vessel has called for
the severest animadversion. Epitaphs
of this class have usually been coarse
and vulgar in the strain of the follow
| ing:
Here lies my poor wife-a sad slattern and
| If said regretted her-I should lie too.
1t is a gallant Frenchman who. at
Pere Ia Chaise, thus apostrophizes the
defunct partner of his joys and cares:
Ci-get, ma femme. oh qu'elle est bieni
Pour son repos, ct pour lie nnien.
which, however, has its counterpart in
an English churchyard:
| Here lies my Door wife Jane-here let her lei
| She hnds rest at last-and so do 1.
| The unmarried fair have received
gentler treatment, though a talkative
spinster is awarded these lines:
| Under this stone the body lies Of Arabella
Who on the twenty-fourth of May began tc
| hold her tongue.
independent of its interest as a rec
ord of longevity, there Is q sporting
flavor about the following reference tC
one Stephen Rumblood, of Brightwelll
quite unique:
He lived to los. hearty aud strong;
100 to you don't live as long.
A request for burial in 8 particular
spot is not uncommon, though seldom
expressed with the naivete of the fol.
lowing:
Under this yew tree, buried he would be.
Because his father he, planted this yeW tree
Il -Guilsfeld, 1T69.
The three following, dedicated to the
} memory of departed matrons, are worth
rescuing from oblivion:
Some have children, some have none;
Here lies the mother of twenty-one.
/ --Woolstanton.
, A severe blow is dealt to the sanitar,
reputation of the medicinal springs o
CheItenham in the lines below.
Here lie, and my three daughters.
All killed through drinking Cheltenham va
ters.
Had we but stuck to EPSON salts
We shouldn't be lying In these cold vaults.
In fitting conclusion may be quotes
the following rebuke administered t.
: the morbid curiosity to satisfy which
has been one of the missions of the cpl
! taph. In slightly varied forms it ha
been met with in divers corners of En-
E gland, but was last heard of in
. churchyard in New Jersey:
Reader, pass on, nor waste your precious tim
/ On bad biography or better rhyme,
| For what am this crumbltng clay assures,
. And what was Is no concern Of yours.