Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-03-16
BRIGHT BITS.

WESTERN doctor succeeded in teaching
several mute women to talk. Their husbands
pronounce him qoack.
SUPPOSE" Gays an exchange, sail the
world went to bed every evening at sunset"
Oh, well: the worlds gas bill would be just as
big at the end of the quarter.-NorTtoto1on
Herald.
MASQUERADE. You want new idea tor a
costume for the ball. Here it is. Give your
self good coating of green paint, and go as
a pickle. You will take the glrls.-ProCt-
deRce telegram.
FEW of the ardent office seekers who
have been visiting Washington report that
President Cleveland is not well. 1t IS thought
that he has a slight cOld-in his shoulder
He10 York World,
An Ohio man was so badly frightened by
a ghost that his hair, which was of slckly
yellow, turned black. Several OF his brothers
are now on the lookout for the same ghost
Burlington Free Press.
FIRsT-'Charming girl, that Miss Lucy,
Jack" SecOpd-''Think so? | never could
bear her. She always treats me as if was
an ass, yOu know" First-"1ndeed, didn't
know she knew you.'
'MIsFoRTUNEs never come singly." whined
a man. meeting hisfriend, whats the mat
ter nOw?" why last year | got married.
and last night my house burned down. Gin
cinRdti Merchant Traveller.
Boston PEOPLE are continually being ham
bO0Zled by some designing woman or other.
If Henry James neglects to introduce a fe
male swindler into his books as a Boston
"typo" he will be neglccting his duty.-In-
didRGpOlis Journal.
A CLERGYMAN in central Illinois is reported
to have startled his flock few Sundays ago
by the announcement: "Rcmember our
communion services next Sunday forenoon.
The Lord will be with us during the morning
services and the Bishop in the evening"
SENDING a man to prison for long term
for marrying two women Is often quite as
much of pleasure as a punishment to him.
The only certain way 10 terrorlze him would
he to compel him to live with both of them,
and see that he was never allowed to have his
hair cut.-FdU Ri1er HtTdtd.
A sHABBILY-DREssED woman called upon a
gentleman for aid. claiming that she was in
starving condition. He looked urOn her
plethorc fnrm estimating the avOirdupOis of
her superfiuous fat, and answered: You
don't look like a starving woman" II know
it," che replied, 81 am bloated with grief,"-
Chambers journal.
MINISTER Ito young MANI am very glad
to see you at church so regularly Sunday
evenings, Mr.. Smith, but / think you sit too
near the door to fully enjoy the service. III
you like | will instruct the sexton to show you
a scat further" Young Man-"Wel'. er-I
am much obliged to you, sir, but | like my
present seat very much. did SIT up IN front
one evening, and the result was that before |
could reach Miss Jones she was halfway
home with the leader of the choir. "-Nea0
A SOLEMN MOMENT: After the marriage of
Miss Lillian Sniggs, of Dallas, the bridal party
partOok of a sumptuous banquet, toward the
end of which a younger brother OF the bride
got up and said solemnly, raising his glass:
Ladies and gentlemen, / have 10 propose
toast, which, however, must be drunk stand
ing. Please take your glasses and rise up"
The guests, although somewhat bewildered,
did so. 'NOw," said the young scapegrace,
"if you will remain standing for a few min
utes I'll find out who has been sitting on my
new stOve-pipe hat."-7esas Siftiags.
''FORTES FORTUNA JUvAT."-
When begged a kiss of Dolly,
Dolly seemed offended;
Looked so grave l cursed my folly
Thought my suit was ended.
When stole kiss Of Dolly,
Though her cheeks grew redder
Than the berries on the holly
She said should wed her.
lie that falters In his wOoing
Meier shall get his beauty;
Signing suiJOrs die suing:
Lovers! do your duty Life.