Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-09-29
BRIGHT BITS.

THEY never play cards on a polar expedi-
ton because OF the danger from cold decks
Pttts6urg Chronicle.
"THERE she blows" the old whaler re-
marked when his wife commenced to give him
curtain leeture.-Pd}Dser (NdSs.) Journal
MINISTER having some of his old sermons.
wae asked what he had in his package. "Dried
tongue" was the reply .-NeSo5uryport Her
aId.
A FEMALE WRITER declares that women
| Will continue to live on this earth after all the
men nave disappeared from the face OF it,
| TINS may prove true. but who will settle the
mllllners' and dressmakers' bills ia those lat
ter days?-LoloeU Citizen.
''WOULD you believe it-they have had the
audaclty TO accuse me Of swindling" You
| denied 1t of eOurse-you defended yOurself?"
| defended myself? Like the devil, my boy :"
Then" "phen--ah you do not know with
what sort of people l have to do-they fur
nlshed proofsp
TALK about the vicissitudos of life! Iven-
tnre to say that / have had more ups and
downs than any man of my age In the city"
You surprise me. You don't look more than
81" 81 know 10, but you forgot that / was an
elevator boy in a hotel for nearly five years."
philadelphia eau.
PINKERTON Ito one of his men)-"Harris,
here Is case in Montreal want worked up"
HarrIs-"All right sir" Pinkerton--"Bnt
there is smallpox there, and I'm afraid you'll
catch it " Harris drawing himself up proud
] 4 "a
-Pftts6urg Chronicle.
Loss OF APPETITE. look sick. What's
the matter with you, anyhow" said Gus de
Smith on meeting GilhOoly. ''My stomach is
m an awful fix, I've lost my appetite for
whiskV-can't drink a drOpD Lost VOur an
petite for whisky, have YOU? We'll, j pity the the
poor devil who tnds it, unless he has credit at
the saloons, ~ eoas Strings.
LEVI MOsBNTHAL-'I dell you. Young vel
Ter, dot ofercoat Wits you like der baint on der
ceiling"
Customer Feeling in his pocket)-"But
great mackerel! what's this1 What'r this
cockroach doing in the pocket here?'
Levi-DOnd say word my vriend. We gif
dem away nit eferY twenty dollars wort of
goods. "-RGmbIes.
MAMTE-How can lucille marry that Old
fossil, Closelist? What il he is so rich!
Sadie-Did you know that he has heart
disease SO badly that the slightest shock is
liable to prove fatal?
Mamie-Ah, that's 10.
Sadie-Yes, and Lucille thinks she will be
able to shock him.-7h Rambler.
THE National Game Gentlemen NEAR the
polo grounds)-"Is there to be game to-day
for the championship. little boyY. Little
bOy-"Naw. sir" Gentleman A re you sure !!
| understand tho Metropolitan Club is to
playg' Little bOy-"Dey is sir But the Nets
ai'nt playin' fer de championship; they play
fer share of the gate money. Take me in,
please, misterI'-Ne0o York Times.
was the cause OF your going to the bsd?" said
a woman to a criminal in prison. II reckon
that's about the size of it, num-" 'Rldicu-
lOus! How could that be, SIR" "Well, YOU
see she allus cut my hair when | was a litsle
helpless boy, mum, and If you could seen
what = dreadful mess she made of it you
wouldn't wonder at my benz here now
Chicago Leader.
"YEs, George, win marry, but you will
have to elOpe with me-"
why, Clarissa? Do your parents object to
me?"
mo; they think Yon're just splendid"
Then why must we elOpe"
"Why, George, don't you know that il l
J elope the papers VIII speak Of me as the beau
tiful daughter of wealthy parentsm-Es-
! change.
| love his enemies2'
so. he is way ahead of the golden rule!'
"HOw Is THAR"
'Why he not only loves his enemies, but he
| hates his friends. - Nsao York Tribune.
"MOTHER, cannot marry George"
| why not, my childl"
so, this is dreadfuli"
! "Why, what has he been doing? Is he a
| forger, or a gambler, or a skating ring pro-
| fessOrY"
Worse than that. He persists in wearing
| cellulOid collars, and they snap in two at the
| slightest compression. '-Tyd- Bits.