Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-01-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
An early riser-Yeas5.
A wet day-Wa ash day,

An early riser-Yeas5.
A wet day-Wash-day.
The dark cages-Dungeon cells.
A man need not necessarily be pos
sessed of musical ability to strike liar.
--BlOomington Eye.
None of our dentists have yet evlnced
enough enterprise to advertise ''Misfit
teeth speciality. ."--N0rgist0On Herald.
A little New Hartford three-year old
boy, in admiring his baby brother, ex-
claimed, "Hc's got boiled head, like
papa"
The fact that the poet is born, not
made, relieves our educational system
from serious responsibility. .-Boston
Courier.
A New York woman ate porous plas-
ter instead of applying it in the usual
way. Her neighbors declared she was a
terribly stuck-up thing.-BIi@sard.
They are experimenting at Staten
Island with some new cannon. These
cannon have the latest style of breeches,
with four pockets, and are very killing.
-L0WeU Courier.
Miss Angelica: I suppose you have
been going out great deal lately, Mr..
McFamish?" "No; l have only been to
one dinner in two weeks" "Dear me!
You must be hungry"
II am surprised, John," said an old
lady when she found the butler helping
himself to some of the finest old port.
$50 am l, ma'am. l thought you had
gone out" was the reply.
The true use of a porus plaster, ac-
cording to Milwaukee druggist, is "to
retain the back in its proper place and
let the pain crawl out through the
holes. ."-Neaoman Independent.
''Have you any home ties2'" asked
lady of young man whose appear
nnce indicated dissipation. "Oh, yes
(hic) home ties, lots of 'em, g-g-got
mother-in-la l'-Carl PletsepS Weekly.
AS we look through the lists of "the dead of
the year,"
We notice without surprise,
The names of a great many business men,
Who refused to advertise.
-Merchdnt- Traveller.
An exchange has an article on "The
rise of the roller rink" This ought to
confirm the theory of the young man
new to the rollers that the floor flew up
and hit him in the back of the neck
Blizzard.
An Australian naturalist is reported to
have discovered that sponges are en-
dowed with q nervous system. All the
"sponges" known to us socially certainly
display great deal of 'nerve" in their
Reciprocity-Landord: "Have you
any family9" Intending lodger: mo"
L.: That's right, for l don't let my
rooms to dodgers with families" l. L.:
"Have you family9" L.: Eyes; four
children" l. L.: "Sorry to hear it, for
/ never take apartments with landlords
who have families. ."-.St. Petersburger
Zeituag.
An eminent sportsman was boasting his skill,
And was ''going it, too pretty hot.
Heswore on his honor that once on time
He hit seventeen hares with one shot.
But friend standing by rose up in his wrath
And exclaimed, "rhat there statements
too big;
We can't swallow it, unless you admit
You were shooting that day at your wig.h
Judge.
a PIE IN IIIU was maze OF TWO DuSnels
of flour, twenty pounds of butter, four
geese, two turkeys, two rabbits, four
wild ducks, two woodcocks, six snipes,
four partridges two meats tongues, two
curleys, seven blackbirds and six pig
cons A pie can now be had from one
slice of dried apple and piece of soggy
dough, such is the march of improve
mens.- Courier Journal.