The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-09-10
WIT AND HUMOR.
A young person of ToInahawk Bluff
Carried pistols to make him look tough,
When they asked, do you chew
He replied, "YCs, do;
~, a xrar,Tfar Of a oh


kitchen.-B0St0n Post.
A pea-shelling machine has been in
vented which can do as much work as
several hundred women in the same
length of time. But then it never stops
to talk.-Net0 York Tribune.
A Harrisbu widow recently eloped
with two coachmen. Most women have
a profound admiration for man who
can drive pair of horses without run
ming into every other turnout on the
road.-New York Graphtc
Hes a man OF large calibre." re-
marked Jones to Brown, speaking of
an acquaintance. '1ndeed?" was the
reply; chow do you make that out?'
He's a great bore" or murmured
Brown, and tainted away.-Merchant
TraUeier.
Il declare, Mr.. Blank, said guest
to the landlord of Bar Harbor hotel,
.syour table is even worse than it was
last year" And the indignant Boni-
face answered without reflection:
That is impossible, sir. "-B0St0n Com
| nerciaL bulletin.
A New Orleans religious weekly says:
| 1.-The white race is, we believe, already
beginning to decay This is sad news,
but it viii not cause as much cOnster-
nation in some quarters rs would the
announcement that the horse race had
begun to decay. -NOTtSt0l0'a Herald.
4 man called on the Chief of Police
of Allegheny a few days ago and said
he had been robbed of $50, 900, 900.
| The man is supposed to have been a
| curve pitcher for a professional base
ball club, and had just been paid half
of his season salary.-NorriStoa0n Her.
aid.
A poetess MARBLES: II love to sing
when l am glad-song is the echo of
my gladness; | love to sing when / am
sad, for song makes sweet my very
sadness" From which we infer that
| she loves to sing. Her neighbors have
| not yet been heard from. AOrristooOn
| Herald.
Verasopht-You are looking charm
inc tonight, Estelle. Estelle- Charm
] ing is too cold a word. Verasopht-
| Then I'll call you ''lemons." Estelle
| Lemons, sir. Do you mean to insult
me? Vcrasopht-My darling, you do
not read the papers, or you would learn
that lemons are very, very dear.-Phtl-
| ddelphia CGtL
a Swanton 4-year-old, who has
| drum and is not slow to beat it, heard
hand organ the other day, and was
| particularly struck with the fact that
| the organ-grinder took up a collection.
| After the musician" had departed the
J little fellow remarked: Il don't drum
| any more only for money. st. -At6anS
! va Messenger.
An abscHt-minded Lawrence woman
| went down the street the other day
wearing three bustIes which she had
ordered seat up to her house to try
en-. The accumulation OF hair-cloth
! and wire gave peculiar chang" to the
| back breadths OF her dress and attract
! ed considerable attention.
| (E0SS.) american.
An exchange says that some 90 to
church to weep while others 90 to sleep
| Some 90 their wives to please; their
| conscience others 20 to ease. Some 90
to hear the preacher; others like the
solo screecher. BOYS 90 to reconnoitre;
| girls go because they oughter. Many
90 for sage reflections; precious few to
help collections. -fUtt IaUer Advdnce.
a bashful young man who was afraid
| TO propose to his sweetheart induced
! her to fire at him with pistol, which
| he assured her was only loaded with
| powder, and after she had done so fell
| down and pretended to be dead. She
threw herself wildly upon the body,
calling him her darling and her be-
| loved, whereupon he cot up and mar
ried her. -AmertcuS (oa.) Republican.
Look here! wish you would ex-
| plain how this got into one of your ci-
gars," said man, rushing into Fifth
| avenue tobacco store and holding up a
| little strip of calico. The manufacturer
eyed it with disgust and exclaimed:
ITS those new girls again. They don't
seem to know the difference between
Mother Hubbard and a Connecticut
wrapper! PIttsburg Chronicle TeLe-
| graFh.
Life-insurance agent-"Come, let me
make you out a policy"
Mr.. Dusenbury-. Not today, sir
why not? The premium on S2O,-
900 wouldn't be much. 1t would be
nice sum to leave your wife"
81 said not to day sir. Now say.
never sir! A handsome young widow
| with $50, 900 is the most dangerous
legacy man could leave behind him."
-fhl!adelphia Cal.
An exchange relates an instance of
4 man with q hardened liver dying
We believe this is usually fatal COM
plant. a man may have a hard head,
or conscience, or heart and live for
years, but very few men survive hard
nod tly-nr aS,1.lt l,p,,
| the outside.-LaRcet
Only eight American poets have lived
beyond the age of 60. This shows the
| power of the press. merchant Yrdveier.
A couple of Vienna doctors recently
| gave younger colleague mark of
delicate attention. They sent him a
letter bearing both their signatures,
stating that desiring to celebrate his
anniversary by presenting him with
something he never possessed, they re-
quested him to accept as birthday
| present the bearer of their missive,
| patient, to treat him well, and keep out
of harms way.-Neue Free Presse.
There isn't fly in our sanctum We
ran them all out. We hung up a S.
bill by 4 string, where the wind would
wave it, and the flies that had laid
around this sanctum for years and new
er seen one, took it for some kind of
green monster that would catch them,
and lit out. We have not patented our
device for there isn't another sanctum
in the country that can produce bill
to try the scheme with.-Eransuisie
ArguS.
Nurse to fashionable mother-The
baby is very restless, am. l can't
do anything with her.
+. M.-She's teething, suppose.
N.-Yes' N. l think if you was to
take her in your arms little while it
might soothe her.
T. Nj? Impossible! l haven't the
time to spare. l am just making ready
to attend Il meeting OF the Society for
the prevention of Cruelty to Children.
Give baby some paregoric. boston
| Courier.
| Glass rlataS post lilo iror, arp,or apJ