The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-05-09
WOman's TribulafiOns.


dreadful bother to be woman and d.
the business up in good shape. In tn
first place you've got to look we'll, O
you're nobody. A man may be ever 81
homely and yet be popular. Whisker
cover up most of his face, and if he ha
big mouth nobody mistrusts it, and i
he does wrinkle bad on his forehead hi
friends speak of his many cares and O
his thoughtful disposition, and tell eacf
other that his wrinkles are lines o.
thought. Lines of thought, indeed
when in all probability his forehead i:
wrinkled by the bad habit he has got o.
scowling at his wife when the coffee
isn't strong enough.
A woman must always be in good
order. Her hair must always be frizzed
and banged, as fashion demands, and
she must powder if she has a shining
skin; and she must manage to look
sweet, no matter how sour she may feel
her dress must hang just SO, and hel
lace must always be spotless, and hel
boot buttons always in place, and hel
finger nails always clean and then she
mustn't whistle, nor climb fences, nor
stone cats, nor scold when she's mad.
She can't 60 out alone, because ladies
must be protected she can't go any
where when it rains, because her hair
won't stay frizzed and she'll get mud on
her petticoats and things; she can't be
Free Mason, because she would tell
their secrets and everybody would know
all about the goat and grid-iron she
can't smoke, because that would be un-
feminine she can't go courting, be-
cause that would not be womanly.
But she must get married before she is
IS, or everybody will feel wronged.
People will sigh over her and wonder
why it is that men "don't seem to
take;" and all the old maids and
widows smile and keep quiet. Oh,
these smiles and these significant looks |
They are ten times more than open
slanders. 1t is a terrible thing to be
an old maid. Everybody knows it is,
and the women who are married to
drunken husbands, and who manage to
quarrel with them six days out of seven,
will live in an agony of spirit over the
single woman and call her that "poor
old maid"
A woman must marry rich or she
doesn't marry "well" is the end and
aim of woman's existence, judging
from the view which people in general
take of this matter. 1t is everybody's
business when woman marries. The
whole neighborhood put their heads
together and talk over the pros and
cons, and decide whether she is good
enough for him. (There is nothing
said about his being good enough for
her.) And they criticise the shape of
her nose, and relate anecdotes of how
lazy her grandfather was, and how her
Aunt Sally used to sell beans and but
termilk. A woman must wear No. 2
boots and No. 3 feet, and she must
manage to dress we'll on seventy-fve
cents week, and she mustn't be vain,
s5d she mHst g9 TegHdaber ed BE- Ready e e rS Gress
dolls and make tides and aprons for
church fairs. She must be a good
cook, and she must be able to edo up
her husbands shirts so that the Chinese
washerman would groan with envy and
gnash his teeth with the same unholy
passion at sight of them.
She must always have the masculine
buttons of the family sewed on so they
will never come off while in use, and
she must keep the family hosiery so
that nobody would ever mistrust that
there were toes in the stockings while
they were on. She must hold herself
in constant readiness to find every
thing her husband has lost-and man
never knows where to find any thing.
He will put his boots carefully away on
the parlor sofa, and when he has hunt
ed for them half an hour he will sud-
denly appear to his wife with counte-
nance like an avenging angel and de-
mand, "What in thunder has she done
with his boots" She must shut all the
doors after her lord and master, and
likewise the bureau drawers, for mar
ried man was never known to shut a
drawer. 1t would be as unnatural for a
hen to go in swimming for recreation.
She must go to bed first in cold
weather, so as to get the bed warm.
Her husband, if he be wise man,
never asks her to do this. Oh, no
but he sits up to .'just finish this piecein
the paper" and waits till she has got
the sheets to a comfortable tempera-
ture. All, there are great many
tricks in the trade of living together.
A woman is expected to take care of
the baby, even after the first infantile
wonder has multiplied into a round
half-dozen. And if he doubles up with
the collie or trials of cutting teeth, or
the necessary evils of mumps and mea-
sles and whooping cough and scarlet
fever and rash and throat distemper,
and short sleeves and bare legs and
pins sticking into him, and too much
candy and bad temper, why her hus-
band tells her that she does wish she
would try and quiet her baby" and
he says it too as if he thought she alone
was responsible for its being in exist
ence, and if she was considerably to
blame for it too.
And when she has the headache no.
body thinks of minding it-a woman's
always having the headache. And if
she is "nervous enough to fly nobody
shuts the door any quieter, and nobody
tucks her on the lounge with shaw
over her, or coddles her to death as a
man has to be coddled under such cir
cumstances. We might 60 on indef.
nitely with the troubles of being g
woman, and if there is a man who
thinks a woman has an easy time of it,
why, just let him pin on a pound Of
false hair and get inside pair of cor
sets, and put on pullback overskirti
and be a woman himself and see how
he likes it.
Bas-He was young lawyer, and wa:
| delivering his maiden speech. Like