The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-08-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

wait until tomorrow. Looking out OF
the window for a few moments she
suddenly called out: Papa, it looks
like tomorrow now. "-Ikhdca Journal.
1t was at the altar Of Boston church
that clergyman was astounded as he
dictated the lines, promising to love,
honor, and obey" to have the bride
distinctly alter her oath to promising
to love, honor, and be gay" looking
him directly in the face the while.
Give me the nut-brown girl who
abandons her sun-bonnet, who can
climb tree with any boy, who pre-
fers good bread TO chocolate caramels
and baked beans to angel cake. This
kind of an angel for me weighs 40
pounds.-ReU. Mr.. Seudder, Of Mime
apoLiS.
My daughter, what made you look
around in Trinity Church so much this
morning? 1t disturbed me. What
could you have been thinking OFF"
"Well, happened to think what
nice skating rink it would make if all
the pews were taken out. Don't you
think it would be just elegant" -Rhtl-
ddetphta Press.
Freddy went to Sunday school He
was in the infant class. One day his
father said to him, How is this,
Freddy? You have been going to Sun
day school for some time, and you have
never yet brought home a good ticket.
I'm really ashamed OF you.
Papa" said the little culprit, swell
ing up like toad, ''I-I'll bring home
a good ticket next Sunday, if-if /
have to hook it. "-Harper's Bazar.
That looks very nice, indeed" re-
marked Mr.. Fitzjoy to his better half,
as he uncovered the breakfast dish.
What is it?''
That's the new cooks speciality
tripe smothered in crumbs of bread"
well, l should say so,' as he made
an unsuccessful attempt to cut it. '1t's
mighty tough"
Il don't see. The cook has a di-
ploma. She ought to be good one"
"Oh, that accounts for It. She's
fried the diploma. "-HarDord Post.
Customer-"Ain't you afraid the po-
lice will come here and bother you if
you sell beer on Sunday?" Barkeeper-
1.-The police don't bother me when
they come on Sunday. They know
how busy am waiting on paying Gus
toners. so they 60 right to the keg
themselves, and draw off as much as
they want without bothering me at all.
1t is astonishing how much beer a DO
liceman will drink, off and on, during
a hot Sunday. "-TeraS Syttngs.
Hello, Fred, you seem awfully put
out. What happened, eh?' "Oh, l
was fearfully tantaized little while
ago. l tied on pretty girls bonnet.
The ribbons got tangled; her eyes
sparkled, her lips were cherry ripe,
and so close to mine that her breath
swept my cheek" 'And you were
dying to kiss her, eh?" THAT was
just it. "Well, why didn't you kiss
her?' "For very simple reason.
Her husband was standing y."-Hil-
adeLphta Call.
1t is almost impossible to keep up
with the times in these agonizing days.
The newest wrinkle in esthetc circles
is for young lady to artistically dec
crate a miniature trunk, ostensibly for
collars and cuffs, with scenes from not
ed summer-resorts, and forward it by
messenger to her best young man.
If the trunk ever gets there it will sig
Nifty, Isn't it an appropriate season
for wedding-trip? If the bait is
successful, the young mans tailor gets
an order for some new and very nice
clothes. = Hartford Post.
The London Society says artlessly
that the Prince of Wales is winner
at this years races, for there are few
men who know more about such mat
tiers than some of His Royal Highness'
most intimate friends" This reminds
one of the late Billy Manning, the
minstrel. He was losing a thousand
dollars week at faro, and each even
ing performed at his theatre wizards
act before great audience of Chicago
sports. II an credibly informed"
quoth he, "that the card | now hold in
my hand is the jack of spades
Lad, you know that brass thing the
Teller gin me for my trunk there at the
depot?"
YES"
"Wen, 'twant nothin' but brass, was
it?'
mo, 'spose not
Good! Wa'al, l tucked it on to
that hackman back there for a quarter,
and he went off satisfied"
jonathan found out what kind of a
game he had played when he saw the
hackman present his check and take
his trunk from the baggage master. in
spite of his own loud protestations that
it belonged to him.-Hnper's Weekly.
A Greeneville woman whose hus-
band had been missing for three weeks
concluded Thursday that he must be
the man that was drowned in the Yam
tic River. She called upon two under
takers, and finally reached the coro-
ner's office, where she learned there
were a number of articles Dv which the
dead man might be identified. She
was shown the ten-dollar bill and the
two two-dollar notes, and that settled
1t. Il don't know" said she, when
my man had as much money as that.
When he left home he had not a cent
with him. ''-Norwtch Comm BuEte-
tn
In poem called The Organist'
we are informed that He sits him
down at twilight hour, Before the ivory
keys. And lets his fingers wander DER
The clavier as they please.
Though dark and still the empty
church, An angel fits o'erhead, And,
passing near with dropping wings, He
leaves the player-dead. That angel
should not weary In his good work
Sometimes, when a man is clawinc the
ivory keys, the neighbors want to hurl
brick at him; but they would be sat
istied ii an angel would hover over him
aud leave him dead. The angel should
also hover over the amateur tiute-play-
er, the cornetist, the accordion-tiend
and other musical aggravations. Nor
rtStoUn Herald.