The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-06-05
Daniel O'ConneIl and Biddy MORT

young man his talent for vituperative
language was so great that he was
deemed matchless as scold. There
lived in Dublin a certain woman, Biddy
Moriarty by name, who kept huckster
stall on one of the quays nearly oppo-
site the Four Courts. She was first
class virago-formidabl with both fist
and tongue-so that hel voluble i'm
pudence had become almost proverbial
in the country roundabout.
Some of O'Connel's friends thought
that he could defeat her with her own
weapons, while others ridiculed the
idea. The Kerry barrister could not
stand this; so he backed himself for q
match. Bets were offered, and taken,
and it was decided that the matt. r
should be settled at once. So proceed-
ing to the huckster's stall with few
friends O'Connell commenced the at
tack on the old lady.
whats the price of this walking
stick, Mrs. What's your name?"
"Moriarty, sir, is my name, and a
good one it is; and what have you to
say agin it? and acknowledgements the
price of the stick. Troth it's chspe as
dirt, so It's"
zone d-sixpence for a walking
stick; whew! Why, you are no better
than an impostor to ask eighteen pence
for what cost you two pence"
1.-TWO pence, your grandmother. re-
piled Mrs. Biddy. "Do you name to
say that's chatting the people 1 amp
1mpostor, indeed!"
Gay, impostor; and it's that I call you
to your teeth" rejoined O'Connell.
"Come, cut your stick, you cantanker-
Gus jackanapes.
keep civil tongue in your head,
you old diagonal" cried O'Connell,
calmly.
"Stop your jaw, you pug-nosed
Moriarty, "I1l make you go quicker nor
you came"
''Don't be in passion, my old radius
anger will only wrinkle your beauty"
''By the hockey, if you say another
word of impudence, I'd tan your dirty
hide, you bastely common scrub; and
sorry I'd be to soil my fists upon your
carcase."
"Whew boys, what passion old Bid
dy is il; I protest as I am gentleman
"Jintleman jintlemanl the likes of
you jintleman Wisha, by gor, that
bangs Banager. Why, you potato faced
pippin- sneezer, when did NADIA
gascar monkey like you pick enough of
common Christian decency to hide your
Kerry brogue?"
easy now-easy now," cried O'Con-
nell, with imperturbable good humor;
"don't choke yourself with fine Ian
guage, you old whiskey- drinking paral-
telegram.
whats that you call me, you muir
derin' villain ?" roared Mrs. Moriarty,
stung with fury.
az call you," answered O'Connell, "a
parallelogram and Dublin judge and
jury Will say that it's no libel to call
you So"
"Oh, tare- an-ouns! oh, holy Biddyl
that an honest woman like me should be
called a parrybellygrum to her face.
I'm none of your parrybellygrums, you
gallows bird; you cowardly,
sneaking, plate lickin' bliggard"
ooh, not you, indeed!" retorted
O'Connell; "why, I suppose you'll deny
that you keep a hypothenuse in your
house."
"It's lie for you, you BY robber;
I never had such thing in. my house,
swindling thief"
UWhx, ,orh1, 1vv,
very well that you keep not only
hypothenuse, but that you have two
diameters locked up in your garrett,
and that you go out to walk with
them every Sunday, you heartless old
heptagon."
"Oh, hear that, ye saints in glory
Oh, there's bad language from fellow
that wants to pass for jintleman. May
The devil fly away with you, you wicher
rom Munster, and make celery-sauce of
your rotten limbs, you mealy- mouthed
tub of CUTS"
"Ah, you can't deny the charge, you
miserable sub-multiple of duplicate
.atio."
$50, rinse your mouth in the Lifey,
you nasty ticklepitcher; after all the bad
words you speak it ought to be tilthier
han your face, you dirty chicken OF
3eelzebub."
Rinse your own mouth. you wicked
minded polygon-to the deuce pitch
on, you clustering intersection OF
ing superfcies"
"You saucy tinker's apprentice, IL you
ont cease your jaw III" But here
he gasped for breath, unable to hawk
p any more words, for the last volley
I O'Connell had nearly knocked the
lind out OF her.
"While l have tongue I'll abuse
on, you most inimitable periphery.
look at her, boys there she stands-a
onvicted perpendicular in petticoats
here's contamination in her .circum- '
srence, and she trembles with guilt
own to the extremities of her corollar-
IS. All you're found out, you recti-
near antecedent and equiangular old
az! TITS with you the devil will fly I
way, you porter-s wiping similitude of
le dissection of vortex"
Overwhelmed with this torrent OF I
nguage, Mrs. Morisrty was silenced.
atchinQ ND q saucepan. she was aim I