davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
HUMOROUS.


 It doesn't require a tailor to take some mons measure.
 When silence reigns is 1t necessary to carry an umbrells2
 Go west and blow away with the country, is the latest Idea.
 What class of women are most apt to give tone to society 3-The belles.
 "Is life worth living ?" ssks George Hastings That depends largely on the liver.
 "I follow suit" as the tailor said while pursuing tramp who has ralded his samples.
 "The most important thing in con nection with house is the haul" re marked the burglar.
 What season of the year is most in need of a handkerchief9 Winter when it blows 1t snows.
 "witness, did you ever see the prisoner at the bar ?" Oh. yes; that's where got acquainted with him."
 It seems almost incredible. but 1t Is none the less a fact that the militia are first drawn and then quartered.
 Because a man is ridden on a rail by his fellow-citIzens 1t does not fol. low that he is a popular rail.rode man.
 A robust blacksmith is needed to shoe horse; but 1t requires the care ful and tender hand of woman to 'shoo" hen.
 Very inquisitive-Smail boy (fond of asking questions )-Kate, If Turk likes bones so well, why don't he for get and eat his teeth sometimes p''
 guess this is a kind of -put up job" was the husbands comment as he cast his eye along the row of well filled jars on the shelves in the cellar, the result of his wife's labor.
 "I beg pardon, but aren't you mis- taken ?" courteously said a gentleman to pretty shop girl with whom he was dealing. "I am a miss. but not yet taken, sir" she replied, with a bright blush and dropping eyes.
 My son." said fond father to hh little boy, whom he had been punish. ing by the use of the rod for the first time, "my son, hope this has taught you lesson" "Yes, pa" tho little boy sobblngly replied; 'it's taught mo that It's better to give than to TO ceive."
 The price of real estate was under discussion at the club, whea one gentleman remarked, "Jones, old boy, I know where you can buy just the incest little home, splendid cottage grand fruit trees, and all that, for song" "Just my luck,' said Jones, "I can't sing a note"
 Dainty Dude: "Melinda. how did you like my serenade last night9" Melinda; "I didn't like your posi- tion." My positionY My attitude. you mean2" "No, your position. You weren't far enough away from me mol to hear you and you weren't close enough for me to scald you"
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
ADVERTISING RATES !
He Wants the Earth.

A little, with content, is much To him who'll not refusc it, ' Who takes It ns the Lord has sent And then doth rightly use it. Most men, with nothing, have a Ihcugas That lie wouid be a pleasure IT thoy could share, in smallest part, With thoso who have the treasure. But, is it truol Experience shows That, in this world of sorrow, Tho man who fights for bread to-day Will fight for pio tomorrow. He VOWS he docs not want tho earthi His thoughts aro far above It. Tho gold of Ganus md of Ind His simple tastes don't oovot. A very little meets his wants,
 Enough to yield living, 1To says, is all man should ssk, And thank tho Lord for giving. But, is 1t tucl We'll, ift be,
 The truth you'll have to borovi Tho man who fights for bread today Win fight for pie tomorrow. or wealth, n irnction's nli he aska, With smallest nnmcrator Set out in unit bold, above
 A large donominator. This makestli' um of oil his ioyr, ofNil his hopes aud blisscsi rris nli ho needs, lis all hc prnysi lis bread md choose and kisscs. Bnt, is it trucl Ton bet lis not, For, in this world of sorrow, Tho man who fights for bread to-day Win fight for pic tomorrow.
 -.MsrehdHf. Traveller
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
Withdrew His Allegations.

A few days ago, on the Grand Rap. ids train, passenger got on at a small station and walked through the coach es without being able to find a seat He finally halted before a man who occupied a whole seat and seemed bound to keep it. He was not invited to sit down. On the contrary the oo- cupant of the seat assumed a more rigid attitude.
 "Sirl" finally exclaimed the indig- nant stranger from the small station, you are hogr'
 What's that? What do you call me2"
 "A hog, sirr'
 "You do! you dol Why, sir, I'll knock the top of your idiotic head clear across Eaton countyp
 "You can't do itr'
 "Yes, canr'
 Both men were on their feet in the aisle and ready to spill gore, when the conductor came iD and shouted to the one who had been called hog
 "IIold on, Doctor. What is itp"
 "Doctor?" queried the man from the small station; ''are you doctor9"
 "Yes, sir"
 "Why, so am l."
 Good gracious, is that true9'
 They exchanged cards.
 They shook hands
 "Why, of course, you can have my seat--all of 1.-the whole carp
 "oh, no, no, Doctorl I wouldn't for the worldr
 But, Doctor, insistr'
 "Well, Doctor, if you insist, I'll be glad to sit with you."
 "Of course, Doctor"
 And the doctors sat down together in one seat, and were so soft and tend CT and loving that tears sprang to the eyes of every passenger.-Detrott Free Press.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
THE FAMILY PHYSICIAN.
To Remove a Mote from the Eye.

To Remove a Mote from the Eye.
 Take a horsehair and double it, leaving a loop. If the mote can be seen lay the loop over it, close the eye, and the mote will come out as the hair is withdrawn. If the irritating object cannot be seen raise the lid of the eye as high as possible and place the loop as far as you can, close the eye and roll the ball around few times, draw out the hair, and the sub stance which caused the pain will be sure to come with it. This method is practiced by axmakers and other workers in steel.-Medical Times.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
mcCIeIInn,s Farewell to theArmy.


 Taking leave of the Army of the Potomac in November, 1862, General Mcclellan with his stan rode rapidly along the front of the army drawn ur in line to greet their commander for the last time. As the brilliant grour swept by the regimental colors of the Fifteenth Massachusetts caught hh attention. They had been out in many shower of lead, and had sui. fered especially at Antietam. Only Q few rags fIuttered from tho shattered staff, which was patched with band of tin rudely nailed on where 1t had been broken by shot. No other color, in that part of the line Rt least. was so badly torn. Riding rapidly, Mcclellan had passed the regiment before he could check his horse. but then he wheeled, returned, and halted. saluted the color. pathetic symbol of valor and sacrifice, by slowly raising his cap The thunder of cheers that acknowledged this act of gracious courtesy revealed one of the secrets of McClellan's popularity with his army. Worcester spg.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
The Way to Settle Scandal.

Dr. M. D. Hoge of this city, tells of two Christian men who "fell out" One heard that the other was talking against him, and he went to him and said: "Will you be kind enough to tell me my faults to my face, that may profit by your Christian candor and try to get rid of them" They went aside, and the former said: Be fore you commence telling what you think wrong in me, will you please bow down with me and let us pray over it that my eyes may be oponed to see my faults as you will tell them? You lead in the prayer" It was done, and when the prayer was over the man who had sought the interview said: Now proceed with what you have to complain of in me-" But the other replied: After praying over It it looks so little that it is not worth talking about. The truth is, I feel now that in going around talking against you have been serving the devil myself, and have need that you pray for me and forgive me the wrong I have done you" Dr. Hoge tells the story very well, and here and there in almost every community is man or woman who might profit by it, Richmond ( Vo.) Religious Herald.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
The Majesty of the Law.

Husband-The cen sus taker was in dear. He demanded the age of each of the family, and I was obliged to give him yours He said it was the law.
 Wife (enraged )-Lawl What do l care for law? John Smith, did you tell that man my ageP
 Husband (hurriedly )-Yes, told him you were twenty-three.
 Wife (molliGed) d)-Well, I suppose the law has got to be respected.-Neu York Sun.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
What He Gave the Society.

Bagley-We are about to hold meeting to organize a soup society this winter.
 Bolgertol,-An excellent project excellent.
 'I thought you would be in favor of it. l am canvassing in aid of the soci- ety. know you will give something"
 "With the greatest of pleasure. You may put me down for a speech at the meeting."-CaH. -s
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

The dairymen of Prussia-where farming seems to struggle under quite IS great depression now as in Great Britain-are fighting artificial buffers and demanding that the Government compel the makers to call their goods 1y their right names.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

A woman in New York, whose sym pathy for the blind has lately been quickened by the loss of her own sight, has succeeded, with the aid of friends, in establishing a circulating library and reading-room for the blind in New York and neighborhood, who, it is said, number about two thousand. How much good such an institution may accomplish is suggested in the remark to the librarian of a blind youth, as he was taking home book, "You can have no idea, sir, how terri ble it is to be forever alone with ones thoughts"
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
TOPICS OF THE DAY.

Dr. E. L. Nichols claims that mems ,yes are more sensitive than those of women to the colors red, yellow and green.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

During the last fifty years Moham- mechanism has made great strides on he west coast of Africa, whence it is striking back into the interior, and the prediction is freely made that ere long the Christian missionaries will nave to reckon with it rather than with organism.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
Treatment or Nervousness.

Exercise is of service, especially if taken early in the day. Sleep-that is, rest of brain-is essential. Every nervous patient should have at least seven hours-eight is a preferable number. During repose repair of the nervous system is in excess of the waste; hence it's value. With regard to the therapeutic treatment of nerv- ousness. the subject is so essentially scientific that no patient whose ail- ment is anyway advanced should do well to attempt self-cure. In trifing or incipient cases, all that is required is an abandonment of the producing conditions, and, even when the dis order has made some progress, gen. eral attention to dietetics-that is, proper food, drink, exercise, sleep and bathing generally result in the establishment of health.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16
Connecticut Western News.
 PUBLIsHED AT CANAAN, uTCHFlELD COUNTY, CT. EVERY WEDNESDAY, MORNING. s. c. BECKLEY, Editor and Proprietor
Local News a Speciality.

TERMS:
 200 per year, if paid strictly in advance if not paid at the expiration of three months g. 50 will be charged.
 Subscribers desiring their papers continued rnust piye notice at the EXPIRATION of their subscriptions, any previous nstice not being sufficent and unless all arrearages are paid, papers will not then be discontinued save at the ontion of the publisher.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

Cattle have increased more than threefold in the United States during the past ten years. Ours is the great est cattle. producing region on the globe. On farms there are now about 52,000,000; on ranch and range prop. erty west of the Mississippi about l0, 100000 cattle grsze.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

Abuse Of the Muscles of Baby Eyes!
 The two muscles-a set for each eye-act in perfect correlation, and enable the organ in an instant of time to cover an infinite range of vision. No fine adjustment of the telescope, no system of lenses and prisms can ac- complish this feat in an instant of time.
 The utmost caution is therefore im- peratively demanded of every person to whom is consigned the care of the young child from infancy to perhaps the third year of life. It is during this time that damage to the muscular apparatus of the eye may be done. The mother or nurse is eager to have baby see everything from a nursery window, or from carriage or car. How many tired heads, languid eyes, and disordered tempers result from this mistake! How often is loss of accommodative power, or enlarged pupil, or cross eye the consequencel Worms, "inward fits," sour stomach, flea bites, and bad temper are some of the morbid and moral posers which the mother and the family doctor pom der over.
 An indication of the delicate and undeveloped muscular apparatus of the eyeball within the first two months of life is found in the ease with which some infants look cross eyed. It is well known that in sleep the eyes are turned upward under the brows, and inward, and that a true crossed con- dition of the optical axes occurs dur ing this state.
 An occasional temporary crossing of the eyes of an infant above two months of age should be carefully in Vestigated. The child should be handled lightly; it should not be played with too much; it ought to lie or roll on its back in preference to sitting on the lap or in chair. Any unequal size of the pupils should be carefully noted. It may be either the sign of some internal trouble or a simple local affection of the muscular tissue controlling the pupil.-BabyhOOd
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

A woman's colony is to be establish ed in Colorado, to afford poor women an opportunity to support themselves. They will engage in bee and silk cul- lure, small farming, the manufacture of preserves and jellies, and other similar industries. A number of East ern ladies are at the head of the pro. ject.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

A comparative table of the strength of the merchant navies of the world, which has just been published in Franco, shows that Great Britain pos sesses 22,500 trading vessels, with an aggregate tonnage of 1l,20000o tons. Of these vessels 4649 are steamers, with a tonnage of 5.9l9,0O0 tons, or rather more than half the grand total of burden. The United States makes
 very bad second, with 6600 sail and 2,700,000 tons. Norway has 4200 vessels, with 100000 tons; and Ger many, which comes immediately after her, has 5000 sail, with a total of r. 100000 tons; France, Italy and Rus Iia bring up in the rear, each with less than 5000 vessels. The proportion of steamers is, however, of greater i'm portance than the total number of ships engaged in trade, and in this re- gard France stands second, although she has but 458 steamers, of 667,000 tons in all, to Great Britain's 4649; Germany presses her closely with APO steamers and 475,000 tons
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

A New York engineer--J. c. Good
 ldge, Jr.,-suggests plan for moder- ating the climate of our North At Iantic coast. He assumes that the reason we do not get the benefit of the Gulf Stream now is that wo have between us and it a Polar current, coming down along the coast of Labrador through the Straits of Belle Isle, and forming tte cold western wall of he Gulf Stream. The existence of this current is we'll established. What MT. Goodridge proposes is, that it should be stopped in the Straits of Belle Isle by dam at point where it is about 10 miles wide and 150 feet deep. The dam, he says, could be built with the adjacent rocks, and the cost would not exceed $40,000,009. The effect of this would e, he calculates, to change the tenn perature of the coast from Cape Hat tens to Newfoundland. Nova Scota would have a climate as mild as Cape May, and Block Island and Cape Cod would become winter watering places.
Connecticut western news., 1885-12-16

The new craze is the fir pillow, con- sistfng of an unbleached cotton case filled with twigs of the fir tree dried in the sunlight. The pillow case is of linen, canvas, satin, or plush, accord ing to the taste and the pocket of the maker, and upon the surface is em- broidered a likeness of the fir itself, or some emblematic motto, such as "Give me of thy balm, O fir tree" The pil- lows are said to have soothing effect on the nervous sleeper, giving sweet and dreamless slumbers as if by magic.
 The territory of the United States where hops are successfully grown is very limited. For a radius of about forty miles, with Cooperstown, 0tsego county, N. T., as its center, forms more than half of such territory east of the Rockies, the only other places being three of the northwestern coun- ties of New York, small portions of Vermont and Michigan, and parts of Wisconsin. On the Pacific coast the production of hops has increased from l5,00Q bales in 1880 to 10000 in 1884, there being about IFS pounds to a pale.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-20
Fighting Witches in Prussia.

Prussia is no doubt highly-ciyilized
country, but her northern and north
Eastern regions do not appear to be Just
now the most desirable places of resi-.
dence for persons of the Jewish race or
old women OF retiring habits and unpre.
possessing appearance. To torture q re.
putel witch is, seemingly, pursuit al.
most os congenial to the agricultural
Borussian as is the persecution of Jews
to the Pomeranian operative. The latest
achievement in the former line is reported
from Stangenwalde in the columns of
Ne Danziger Zeitung. A potato
hAyker, returning from the Danzig mar
ket to her village with lame horse. was
driving past the cottage of an aged fe-
male, believed throughout the country
side to be in league with the Powers Of
Darkness, when the tired animal came to
II dead halt, and declined to proceed any
farther. This not unnatural result of
lameness and fatigue we forthwith as
scribed to spell, cast upon the horse by
the venerable dame inhabiting the cot
tage and at late hour of the same
evening the indignant potato hawker's
husband and mother-in,law proceeded to
haul the sorcereSs out of her bed and to
infict the most barbarous torments upon
her with view towards compelling her
to exercise the demon of which she had
obviously caused the horse to be pos
sessed. They hacked her fingers with
knives, kicked her, trod upon her face,
and beat her numerically. Her screams
aroused the neighborhood, and between
forty and fifty peasants were soon assem-.
bled in the poor old woman's dwelling,
where they gave all imaginable encour-
agement to her brutal tormentors. One
burly pumpkin volunteered to fetch
razor wherewith to severe the arteries of
her wrists. Another produced rope.
aud was adjusting clumsily-tied moose
round her neck, with the avowed inten-
ton to hang her, when she was rescued
from his clutches by the district physi-
clan fl, M Carthaus, who happened to be
visiting patient in Tangenwalde and
was attracted to the scene of the outrage
by the shrieks of the victim. -Lonond
Telegraph.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-20
Politics Of the Future,

Out of something over ten million
of voters, some 10000 the last cleo
ton cast their ballots for the Prohi-
bition candidate, Governor st. John.
This does not, however, represent the
real feeling of the community on the
necessity of the nation taking a hand
in restraining, if not abolishing the
sale of intoxicating drinks. 1t is q
remarkable fact that wherever the
single issue of Prohibition and anti
Prohibition has been presented to
the voters, the prohibitionists have
succeeded by overwhelming ma
jorities. This was true of Maine, To-
wa and Kansas, the only three States
in which the naked issue was pre-
sented without entanglements with
party, personal and local questions.
1t is admitted by the shrewdest poll
ticians that were total prohibition
put to vote in Ohio, Michigan, Wis
consin and Minnesota, it would be
sanctioned by the people of those
States, and at the rate at which the
temperance sentiment is growing,
there is little doubt of its ultimate
adoption by the whole nation. But
there are many impediments in the
way of its advocates. The politi-
clans are all opposed to the agitation,
and hence the party machines, the
irregular organizations, do what they
can in keeping it from coming to the
fore at election time. When the
courts of the country have so far
acted in the liquor interest, they
have partially nullifed the will of
the people in Ohio, Iowa and Kan
sas. The liquor dealers, of course,
are very powerful; but with all these
drawbacks the horrors of the liquor
traffic are so obvious that the public
against it is steadily deep
ening. The women of the country
are on the side of prohibition. Nor
al issues with our people always win
in the end.-From Demorest's Month
ly for February.
Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-20
The Drceitfnl Kangaroo.

Lamb-like as is the face Of the kanga.
roo, tender and soft ns are his eyes, he
is by no means as gentle and tender as
he looks. Like the heather Chinese,
his countenance bellies him., and there
are few more exciting and, withal, danger
GUS sport than kangroo shooting. To
the hunter seeking for some new sensa-
ton, a visit to the wilds of Australia in
searchof kangaroos can be recommended.
1t requires feet horse to run an old
one down if he gels fair chance to show
tail, and strong, well trained dogs to
tackle him when brought to bay. Inside
his soft, dewy lips are strong, formidable
teeth, which can bite severely. His fore
paws, weak as they seem, can lift dog
high in the air and crush him to death |;
while, when lying down, his favorite
fighting attitude, he can kick with his
powerful hind legs in a manner. that
rapidly clears q circle around him, and
woe betide the man or dog that comes in
reach Of those hugh claws, which can
make flesh wound deep enough to
main the one or kill the other. OF
course, we speak Of the great kangaroo,
the boomer, or old man Of the colonists.
As matter of fact, there are some thirty
different kinds Of kangafoos inhabiting
various parts of Australia. They varyin
size from the tiny hare kangaroo of South
Australia to the several giant species,
some of which stand nearly six feet high.
London Globe.