Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-07-16
THE BOTTLE.

I believe I'll have a glass of some
thing comfortable" said Tom Bar
naby.
Tom Barnaby was not member of
any temperance society whatever, and
had no dislike TO the taste of liquor.
Not that be was drinking man. On,
dear, moi Never was drunk in his
life; never even slightly overcome by
liquor. But still-well, still, a nice
glass of something comfortable struck
Tom ia pleasant light, and he gen
orally took 1t when it did.
To night it was cold and chilly and
gloomy, and the wind ratified the
shutters and crooned down the CHM
ney, and made a banshee Of itself
along the street; and Tom, who was
not very fond of reading, could not
lose himself IL book Or magazine, and
there was no one to talk to, and the
resolution above recorded seemed to
be the most natural thing in the
world. "a glass of something COM
Portable" said Tom, ''and a biscuit,
and then I'll turn in"
Then Tom went to the closet to look
for a vessel in which to bring the nee
essary liqut for the comfortable
something from the corner store, and
spied on an upper shelf a green bottle,
with fat body and long neck,
which had nothing In it, and smelled
of nothing, and he set it upon the
table. while he stirred the fire and
put the kettle on, that everything
might be ready on his return.
Mrs Tom was absent from home,
and Tom was keeping house for him
self. He was on his knees before the
stove, raking it when he heard a
groan. 1t was a faint, far away
sounding groan; but it had such a
ghostly sound that he started.
whats that?" he cried and some
thing answered.:
"Only me"
And jumping to his feet, Tom Bar
naby stood staring about; for there
was nothing in the room that ought
to have had voice but himself-not
even kitten on canary bird.
''Who IS me?" cried Tom.
tom had ought to know" said the
voice.
And this time Tom saw it came
from the green bottle.
Hanged if it isn't the bottle - said
Tom. ''is it spirit, or what?"
And it answered.:
''Yes, worse luck. 1t is spirits. Bad
spirits, too. Gin, rum and brandy
Whisky and alcohol"
"Oh, that kind /" said Tom.
Yes, +" said the bottle. "Five devils.
I've been possessed by them all. Years
and years they led me such a life that
! wished | was smashed; years and
years until your wife got me and put
blessed vinegar IN me. Nice, sharp,
respectable vinegar, that never did
worse than give some poor cabbage
eater the colo. And [ thought
should end my days IN decent vine
gar bottle, and here I am-going te
nave ore of the devils back, I know.
On, what did that woman go away
tor! Where did she go?"
Tom, who had grown used 10 the
phenomenon of talking bottle, and
lid not mind it at all, nodded his head
sagely.
Right there" he said. tits ex-
ceedingly uncomfortable TO have a
wife away, but you are very foolish
to talk as you do. What harm is
there in moderate drink? All you'd
hold wouldn't hurt fly. You've been
listening to teetotallers
ST haven't teen listening to any
body" said the bottle I've formed
my own conclusions. There was a
time when I thought as you do. It
was when [ was brand new bottle,
with a gilt label Best Holland Gin,'
on me, and my owner. the Equor
dealer, took me out of my case and