St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-09-05
A BRIGHT LIGHT DIMMED.
Why ELI Perkins Became an Inmate q
Lunatic Asylum.

n Lunatic Asylum.
What ruined me and got me into an
Idiot Asylum was this: used to have
strong contempt for lawyers.
thought their long cross-examinations
were brainless dialogues for no purpose.
But ever since Lawyer johnson had me
as a witness in wood case have had
q better opinion of the lawyers skill.
In my direct testimony I had sworn
truthfully that John Hall had cut ten
cords of wood in three days. Then
johnson sharpened his pencil and COM
menced examining me.
Now, Mr.. Perkins," he began. chow
much wood do you say was cut by Mr..
Hall?"
Just ten cords, SIR" l answered.
boldly. II measured it."
That's your impression?"
"Yes. sir"
"Well, we don't want impressions,
sir. What we want is facts before this
jury-f-a-c-t-s, sir. factsr'
.'The witness will please state facts
hereafter" said the Judge, while the
crimson came to my face.
Now, SIR" continued johnson.
pointing his finger at me, Twill you
swear that it was more than nine
cords?"
..Yes sir. Itwas ten cords-just-"
"There! never mind" interrupted
johnson.
''Now. how much less than twelve
cords were thcre?"
1.-Two cords, SIR"
..How do YOU know there were Just
two cords less, sir? Did YOU measure
these two cords, sir?" asked johnson,
savagely.
s.No sir, I"
There. that will do! You did not
measure it. just as l expected. All
guess-work. Now didn't you swear a
moment ago that you measured this
wood?"
"Yes sir, but
..Stop. si;! The jury will note this
discrepancy"
Now, SIR" continued Johnson. slow.
". rs he pointed his finger almost down
my throat Now. sir. on your oath. will
YOU swear that there were not ten cords
and half?"
.'Yes. SIR answered. meekly.
''Well now. MIR. Perkins, demand a
straight answer-a truthful answer, sir:
How much wood was there?'
..T-T-Ten &C cords" answered
hesitatingly.
You swear it?'
"I-I-d-d-do."
Now" continued johnson, as he
smiled satirically. do you know the
penalty of perjury. sir?"
'.Yes. sir, / think"
"On YOUR oath. on your sol MN
oath, with no evasion, are you willing
to perjure yourself by solemnly swear
ing there were more than nine cords of
wood?"
.Yes, sir, /"
..Aha! Yes. sir. You are willing to
perjure yourself then? just as thought
turning to the judge; you see. your
Honor, that this witness is prevaricat-
ing. He is not willing to swear that
there were more than nine cords of
wood. 1t is infamous, gentlemen of
the jury, such testimony as this" The
jury nodded assent and smiled sarcasti-
cally at me.
Now" said johnson, Il will ask
this periured witness just one more
question"
Il askyou, sir-do you know-do you
realize, sir. what an aWful-a-w-f-u-l
thing it is to tell lie?"
.Yes. sill, l said, my voice trembling.
And, knowing this. you swear on
your solemn oath that there were about
nine cords of wood?"
mo. sir. don't do ANYTHING Of"
Hold on, sir! Now how do you
know there were just nine cords?"
Il don't know any such thing. sir!
/"
"Aha! you don't know then? Just as
l expected. And yet you swore you did
know. Swore you measured it. In
famous! Gentlemen of the Jury, what
shall we do with this perjurer?"
But -
"Not a word, sir.-hush! This jury
shall not be insulted by perjurer!-
Call the next witnessn
This is why am now keeping books
in Lunatic Asvlum.-Ei Perkins.