The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-11-28
A MEAN REVENGE.
Why the Major Did Not Marry the
 Widow Proportion.

WtuoW Fepperton.
 Sometimes the most inhuman revenge is visited upon a man who has committed but slight ofieEse. Major Bradlcbone, though pompous and overbearing of man. ner, is still. we all know, far from mean ing any harm; but the other day he was made the victim of as mean a trick as was ever played on human being.
 The mai or always patronizes a certain barber-shop. where one particular barber always slaves him. i'm Lacy. the one particular barber, has ever been proud of his catchn' and not unfrequeutly has he twitted Bob Mortimer, the black rascal who "holds down the front chair in the shop. The major always enters the shop with proud strut, and, pulling his heavy, black moustache, walks back and takes seat in Jlm Lacy's chair.
 "l'm gwine ter fix dat proud white man." Bob unused. "l doan erlow no pusson ter fool wid me-"
 Just then the major entered.
 Where is Jim ?" he asked after mak- ing survey of the shop.
 "Ain's in, boss. Hab CT seat. I'll wait on yer"
 "No, want Jim."
 "Boss, yer neber has tired me. Jes' try me wunst an ef doan gin yer sad estackshuu, wy, l won't charge yer nothin'."
 " want Jim, tell you"
 " All right, sab. He'll be back in CT half hour. Call roun' CT gin."
 The major went away and Bob sat down and unused. He threw his great intellectual faculties into the work of de- vising means of revenge. After season of deep thought, he jumped up, slapped the back of his head, haw hawed, and exclaimed:
 "Oh, l'se got dat triAin' white man. Oh, I'se got him fouler den CT fish,"
 He hurried into saloon, and returned with piece of Limburger cheese. He cut the cheese into the right shape, took the tin foil from around )im's bar of po- made and wrapped it around the cheese. Just as he had completed the work, Jim entered the shop, and, few nom ents the major arrived.
 How are you, Jim ?''
 "Fust rate, maj lh, hab a seat, sah. How's yer own self"
 "Not very we'll. l am suffering from the worst cold in my head 1 ever had"
 The major sat down and Jim began work.
 "I want you to be very particular to- day, Jim"
 "I will, sab. I'se allus purticuler wid yer, boss"
 "Yes, know, but want you to be more particular than you ever were before. The truth is, 1 am going to get married at one o'clock"
 "Dat CT fAck2"
 "Yes, am going to marry the widow Pepperton-"
 "W'y, yer's been boardin' at her house, ain't yer ?"
 "Yes, for long time. The truth is," and the majors voice sank to a whisper of confidence, owe her three hundred dollars, and I gave her my note for the amount. soon discovered, in conse- quence of bad business, that could not very well pay the no.e, so 1 asked her to marry me. She hesitated at first, bu, after while she came around all right. This morning she told me that as soon as the ceremony is over she will make me a present of the note."
 Good oman, ain't she P
 "The best in the world, and an impc.- tant feature in the case is the fact that she is the best feeder in the town. Il won't have any trouble after am mar ried. Will have no board bill to pay and can always borrow few dollars of her :"
 Hab permade on yer mustache 2" Ji asked as he finished shaving the major.
 @Yes, put it on pretty thick"
 Jim proceeded to put on the @ @pomade." q Whew P he exclaimed, and, turning to the bootblack, he said:
 Henry, 90 out there an tell them fel. lers ter dribe dat bone wagin erway. My greshus, CT pusson kain' hardly git his bref. Doan yer smell suthin', maj ah7"
 "No, my head is too badly stopped