Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-05-30
BRIGHT BITS.

"HOw can the Weather Bureau produce
RAM asks an inquisitive scientific journal.
The usual way is by predicting fair weather.
Puck.
ANOTHER murderer has confessed that he
Killed man wears ago thereby DESTROYING
the clue which the detective was working up.
Boston Post.
NEW YORK MINISTER has attracted
crowds to his church by hiring brass band
10 pay every Sunday, but his victory will be
OF snort duration. Pretty soon some one will
take away his whole congregation by hiring a
bearded woman to preach.-BOStOn Post.
INDEPENDENT EDIToR-"Have you sent the
PRESIDENT copy Of yesterdays paper con-
corning my editorial making him Washing
Ton IN nobility and a jackson in enerev?'
Cierk-'f Yes, sir. Mailed it last night" "Well,
I've got one IN day giving him hail Column
Dia. Don't send thaU."-HarpeT's Weekly.
ASTRONOMERS now announce that the great
red spot on the face of Jupiter is disappear
ing; This IS most gratifying assurance. for
as Jupiter is still incandescent we have fe AIRED
that some DR.. SangradO would declare the
red spot on Jupiter's face to be q cancer. en-
tlrely due to his incessant smOkng.-Nel1
York World.
A MINISTER forgot to take his sermon with
MN TO church, and his wife discovering the
mistake sent It to him in charge of a small
boy, who was to receive 10 cents for the Job.
Presently he returned for the money. you
delivered the sermon, did yOu?' she asked.
=
himself. "-Religious Herald.
MRS. DULITTELIE-''I can't get anv of nv
novels published, and I've a great mind to
seek for fame in some other direction" Mr.,
DuLittelle-"In what other direction?" at
doesn't matter much what. | might follow
the example of Mrs .Blinks, for instance. She
hasEot herself in all the papers simply by max
ing 224S different words out of the word in
94omprehIe9nsi!b,lilty.' II don't know her, but
and give each other points on fastening sus-
pepders with bent hairpins. - PhiLddelphid
can.
"YoUNG GENTLEMEN" said the lecturer in
chemistry, "cOal exposed to the elements loses
~ per cent. OF It's weight and power. This Is
due to the action of the alkali constituents OF
-" But what IL there is dog sleeping
near the coal, professors" None of your
levity. young man; this is a serious matter. -
THAT'S what dad thousht when 2 per cent.
OF his coal disappeared during three nights of
exposure. Then he asked my advice as a
student OF chemistry, and / told MIN to buy a
dog. He bought dog with bay window
teeth and the springhalt ia his upper lip. and
now we don't lose ! per cent. of our coal a
month. That's the kind of a practical chem
list am. Now go on with your theory
Chicago Herald,
SCENES OF SPRING EVERYWHERE
a topsy-turvy tumult and strange strife
stirred,
\ dusty, damaged dinner and wild, wicked
WCrd
The chronic carpet cleaning with strong,
stout stick,
The pipe that's SO perplexing and the tack's
tragic trick.
The. subtle soap sequestered where the fleet
foot falls,
The pasty painted passage and the white
washed walls,
A boundless bill to balance and a SCARED
shin TO scan,
a weak and weary woman and a mad moody
man. -Chaed0o Tribune.
"YoU are member of the Board of Trade,
are you not, Mr.. Smith"'
Il have that honor, madam"
Il have heard that you are very wicked
lot down there. They say you gamble and
cheat each other terribly"
THAT assertion is a falsehOod."
And you are really honest?"
1--WE compare favOTably in that respect with
any body Of business men in the city or coun-
try"
You don't tell me! How wicked it is for
people TO set such rumors ahoat."
at Is objectionable. Why. have been a
member Of the board ten years, ana during
all that time have only known two genuine
rascals on it,"
"lndeed that is really quite creditable. Is
the other one still member Of the board?'-
Detroit journal.