Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-04-19
THE LTME-KILN CLUB.
LECTURE ON 1.-THE RIGHT SIDE OF
HUMAN NATURE"
The Hon. Jerusalem ShotweIl Tells Every
One How to Regulate His Inter
course with the World and
the Eest Of Mankind.


Detroit Free Press
Brother Gardner announced at the opening
Of the meeting that he took pleasure in an
nouncing the presence of the Hon. Jerusalem
Shotwell, of Virginia. The honorable gen
tleman was known in the Shenandoah valley
Is "the Giant Of the Opequaw," and he fire.
quently had invitations to deliver his cele-
brated lecture in fifteen different places at
once His repertoire comprised twenty eight
different lectures on as many different sub
jects, and the one selected for delivery in
the presence of the Lime-Kiln club was en-
titled: "The Right Side of Human Nature"
During the delivery of the lecture. members
were requested to pay strict attention TO the
discourse, and Elder Toots was given stool
with only two hind legs, to prevent him from
falling asleep and rolling against the stove.
@Feller mortals," said the lecturer, as he
gulped down a glass of water and cautiously
looked at the three shirt-buttons in the bot
tom Of the glass, "dis human natur' of ours
am a strange muddle. We kin feel de senti
ment Of hate, love, indifference, sentiment,
admirashun, fear, reverence an disgust in
one short day. We attain de highest emi
nence, an We sink to the lowest slums.
We reverences one man an hate another.
We feel hilarious one hour an shed tears of
sorrow the next Stranger dan all the winds
dat blow-more valua BILE dan any weather
furnished by natur'-bold an fearless-weak
an vascilatin'-human natur' can be
praised an condemned in de same breaf.
'If We studied de natur' OF man as clusly
Is We do dat Of hoss We would not tread on
his cons so often. Man am as pliable as
rasses if you take him right. If you take
him wrong he am as brittle as glass an as
hard as stun. Dat am a matter We seldom
stop to consider. We take him as pleases us
not to please him. Our ideah is dat he
mus be put up wild our style-not to bring
us to his. 1 has seen dozens of men who war
bon all right split by contact wild de world.
Nobody took 'em just right, an dey wouldn't
study to take odder men right.
"Some men kin be bossed-some has to be
coaxed. Some am materially mulish-some
plastic. Some kin be reached frew deir
weaknesses-some frew deir strength. A
modest man an a proud, vain man mus be
handled on teetotally different principles
We make enemies and meet wild needless re-
bluffs and refusals bekase We fail to consider
desc troofs II our hoss has a habit of bitin'
We lay awake nights to devise some remedy
fur it II our naybur am material kicker
we ridicule his grievances an burlesque his
u1UuldSuuuA IL OuI uOsS dui too
strung to take de whip we are kesrful TO
keep do lash away from him If our nay bur
am too proud spirited to borrer our wheel
barrer an lend us his wsshboa'd We declar'
him beneath our notis an wash our hands of
de hull family.
ut am de easiest thing in de world to make
q friend. Fust, locate your man. Second,
size him up If he am vain, proud man
his his bnm
his wife, chilren an speeches. No man am
SO poo an lowly dat his words of praise
won't SCUM sweet to an egotist.
IF he am a cross, surly, out o'-sorts chap
feelin' sartin in his own mind dat de world
wasn't built on correct principles. doan' try
to argy wild him to convince him dat dis
airth am all o. Z. from cellar to garret On
de contrary side in wild him Growl at de
world, abuse mankind an tell him how sorry
you am dat he wasn't on han to manage
things about 200 Vars B. C. 1t will be like
doin' up a sore toe in a CREASED rag.
"When you meet a man who am sort o
sneakin' frew life on de quiet-nebber heard
of outside of his own nayburhood-modest,
unassumin', an only wantin' to be let alone,
feed him gum drops Tell him you have
heard his named menshuned as candidate
fur alderman. Ask him what var it was he
run fur de legislachur. lnquar' when his next
book of poems is to be published. AK him
il he am de Smith who invented the comet
He will cringe and vince, but he will go
home an think it ober an be your friend
fur life.
Oar am cranks to be humored. Dar' am
eccentrics to be praised. Dar' am circlin'
round us day by day a chain Of men and
women who doan' know beans from broom
sticks, but who mus be complimented on
deir exquisite tastes an high order Of intel
leck.
"As de time allotted to me has bout ex-
pired, let me say to you, in closn' dis dis
course, dat de man who makes enemies am
no reader of human natur. 1t am jist as
easy to make ten good friends as one enemy.
Abuse no mans pollytics Slur no mans re-
hgion. Hold no arguments wild a man who
has been soured by misfortunes. As fur
women-treat all alike by praisin' all. Re-
turnin' you my capacious thanks fur de en-
blematiecl Indifference you have exhibited
throughout the delivery Of this celebrated
lecture, draw myself to a close"