Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-12-04
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

A man in Massachusetts is 50 stngy
that he doesn't shade his letters when he
writes because it wastes ink.
Doctors now say that cocoaine is poison
So are tobacco and whiskey, but they are
very popular,
One never realizes what bustling
world this is until he has spent an even
ing in a roller skating rink.
Another instance of the dangers of fire.
quent bathing is reported. A Nevada
woman took advantage of her husbands
indulgence in II bath to elope with anoth
er man.
petroleum has declined twenty-one
cents" says an exchange. Petroleum
seems to have more moral stamina than
the average voter.
There is said to be man in San Fran
cisco who has four ears. What pity he
wasn't born a woman.
Constant Reader; Dear Sir The tur-
key came too late. All vacancies in this
Office filled.
This is the sort of weather when we
should think Ulster county, y. Y. would
feel comfortable.
a certain young lady in Burlington al
ways answers in proverbs. TO young
man who asked her if she would take a
little sleigh ride with him THANKSGIVING
day, she replied, ga miss is as good as II
mile"
Boston is rapidly ceasing to be literary
centre, but she still continues to be the hub
of the universe for beans
Five thousand people have been vac
nipntn1 in tl,apu hn
scare set in, and the Albanians feel all out
of sorts because there hasn't been a single
case of the disease in the whole city.
''Be alive ~ eXclams poet in rafting
pentameter Does the festive bard take
us all for fourteenth century cheeses
Horizontal reduction is frequently dis
cussed at skating Kinks.
Nesuvius is no pimple, and yet it is very
frequently in state of eruption.
The New York Trib,nc has been print
ing series of Talks with the Devil"
We understand the special reporter was
properly fumigated before he was allowed
b to return.
, The American Shorthorn association is
said to be prosperng. This is strange.
When an American takes Il horn he gen
orally objects to having it short.
Why don't more of the Chinese in this
country set up bakeries This profession
: would remind them constantly of the
tlowery kingdom.
Nine Henri Greville made her first APP
, pearance before Boston audience, deliv-
5 ering her lecture on Russian Life" She
; can't give Americans many points on
: rushin' life.
e A Belgrade despatch says that the popu-
lace there is enraged at King Milan,
l and that the name of Prince karageorge-
+ vichs is on every lip. 1t must linger like
e the Abbott kiss.
a a woman in Connecticut put a squash
: in the oven to bake, and it exploded with
: IA loud noise, blowing off the top of the
t stove. Here is a hint for O'Donovan
t Rossa and his compatriots. The potato
should no longer be the national emblem
of the Emerald Isle
, The cigar that is called imported is about
: as appropriately named is the hired girl
; we call domestic lOnkcrS Statesman
u 1t knocks all the gilt off the ginger
II bread of an editors life to know that when
l. he has written fiery and brilliant article
. denounclnG tyranny and exposing slavery
q he will have to go home and split kind
lings for his wife and shine his mother-in-
. laws boots.-Fdl Rircr Adrdnce.
Ifyou have a piece of work you can't
get done just give party of boys an idea
l that you don't want them to do it
=. BrOOklm Eagle.
: They say civil service candidate was
| rejected the other day in Washington. To
the question, Can you tell me of what
=, race Napoleon came ?' he replied, "Why
: of Corslcan." He was thought to be too
l.,.,ll al. Ia,
!. Trtbunc
e "Will you have the pleasure of dancing
with me :" was the invitation confused
j. youth extended to fair one at recent
dancing party.-BostOn Transcript
5 Picture dealer exhibiting picture
q That, sir, is II genuine Turner"
l Purchaser-"Ies, | see. You have t.
1t turn it around IA good many times before
Z you can make out what it is. "-Litc.
A drummer who has been in Soutl
n Florida for the past week says that the
l. beef in that section is so tough as to rem
: der it almost impossible to even stick /
d fork in the gravy.-Sdrdhndh Nccs.
/: what wild and reckless leaps were
II those of Sam Patch at Gene see Falls ?
e said IA lady to young Threadbrain. "Av
e -Sarm Patch jumped at the falls, eh
e Did he jump up-or down - Jumped
e over them-down, you know. He jumped
h over them twice and killed himself.
Wv eally Jumped twice and Killed nm
c self Aw--did he kill himself the first o,
:, second time he jumped n'-Trduellcr''
q MdgdziHe.
h Overheard in the park Irishman-
h Sure, an wouldn't wan o. thin bea
G. skins make Il foine buffalo robe ?'-Chi
cdgO Rdnlblcr.
ii 1t is now denied that Il little book re
l. Gently published, entitled How TO En-
n terrain Party" was gotten by the New
:, ! York Democrats for the benefit of TN
lr Mugwumps,-BO Trdrcller,
e An island III the North sea called tn
is Monk has entirely disappeared, and YES
IL sells now sail over the spot where it stood
1t must have been II cowled day when i
got leit.-BOStOn Post.
Feeble Frames, Shaky Nerves
Aud dyspcptic stomachs are usually found il
tt conjunction. Vitality is lacking IN all three
e How can thi, rc created? Simply 10y using
is IIostcttcrs stomach Bittcrs with regularity
Il abstainnE from habits inconsonant witt
- az Al 4