Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-11-25
Midshipmen's Franks.

men when he dared to be, Tor he was
not afflicted with much courage, and
among the middies he was regarded
as a sneak and known to skulk when
ever duty was unpleasant.
Boat duty, such as taking charge
of crews to water ship, going after
sand for holy-stoning decks, etc., is
never hankered after, but when a
middle is ordered there he goes
promptly, if he is good officer, with
out grumbling.
But Smith, as l will call him, was
always "sick" when such duty was
ahead, but he was well when "liberty
day" ashore arrived, or when the Of
fcers were invited to some ball or
party on shore he was sure to be on
hand.
To get even with the skulk had
long been on our minds. He pretend
ed, for the purpose of keeping in
favor with the captain or commodore,
to be very moral, indeed pious. In
their presence he scarcely touched a
glass of wine, and "grog," according
to his statement, was horror to him.
Yet some of us knew he had a reg
ular appetite for it and would use it
con the sly" every chance he got.
Our chance came at last. We
were laying at anchor off the navy
yard, having taken in stores and got
ready for a cruise. The commandant
of the yard gave party at his house
to which all the officers of the ship
not on duty that night were invited.
Knowing Smith would be on hand, a
few of us got ready to put him through
a course of sprouts. There was mus
ic, dancing and an unlimited supply
of refreshments. We got Smith to
take wine just as often as we could
get him into the refreshment room,
pretending great interest in him, and
then toward the hour when we young
sters had to go off aboard ship, four
bells or 10 o'clock, he was coaxed out
and given free nip or two of old
brandy from a flask carried for the
purpose.
So, by the time we had to start for
the boat waiting at the landing,
Smith was Every full" And yet his
appetite was so strong it required no
persuasion to get another good nip
down his willing throat. This last
put him in such condition that two
of us had to hold him up when we
started down the road toward the
landing. AS we went on he grew so
limp and helpless that when we laid
him down for rest he never moved,
hut lay and snored like an over-fed
hog.
Now came the elimination of our
plans. Laying him in a hollow in
the sand close beside the path, and
putting the half empty flask in his
hand, we scooped sand over him until
all but his face was covered. Then,
lighting half dozen sperm candles,
which we had brought along on pur-
pose, we placed three upright in the
sand at his head and three at his feet,
and left him in his drunken stupor.
We knew that in an hour or two
the commodore and all the older Off
GERS would come along on their way
aboard ship and he would be discover
ed. The night was warm and still
and the mosquitoes abundant.
We went aboard and soon were in
our hammocks, sleeping the sleep of
the just.
Next morning as soon as we were
up Smith was seen and interviewed.
He was in fearful rage. His face
was raw blotch from mosquito bites,
he was under arrest and in disgrace.
He had been discovered by the COM
modore and the other officers in his
shallow grave, and after their laughter
had changed to anger at seeing the
uniform so disgraced he had been
lugged to the boat by couple OF
stout sailors and brought on board.
From thence on poor Smith found
little favor with his companions. He
was known for just what he was, and
treated accordingly. In the steerage
he was known as the "ghost" and
guyed so numerically that he never
rested until he got exchanged into
another ship, where he had a chance
to mend his ways. But for years he
was known as the Pensacola dead
man." for the story Of his burial with
all the honors went far and wide
through the service.-Ned Buntline.
Il
He Went to Shoot.