Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-06-09

Unfortunately az ~ - st tue kxpenss "a
"a AaseFtlsisx kepFsseDtsttse Arrassa
Re,xArdisss Sf Espease-

Cafortaa4ssiy a. ~4s st the kKPeass "a
sA Advertising BepFsseBtsEise Arr@ssa
Regardless 81 EsPeass-
-Opie Keid 10 \ Aegc0ryl
% Xii him. shy, Iu kiA hlm ss
=, ,taia - / live. Pat up with saeh
outrageous iusaltt Never. sah 80
Ths speaker was Colonel Mortimer
Chillinzs. legislative representative from
Putnam County, ARK. Ia one hand be
held battered Slug g-hat, covered with
mud and dripping sith water.
- What's the mAtrsrt asked the
Speaker of the House approaching.
4" Matter 2" exclaimed the Colonel, hold
iag up the hat; . look al this"
" How did Il 0ccur."
:. Occurred ia the way OF direct in
suit, san That's how it oceurr Ell For
s0ms time our county has had a great no.
IiOn OF inducing imIuigF Fati0n. How 70 AIT
upon some practical method Of advertis-
Ing was what bothered as. At last Sam
Hines-yoa Know sam he that was
whipped once BY the ka-KlaX. Well,
sam be gos up petition 10 the County
Court, setting forth the advantages Of
putting On a little style AMI asking that an
hat for the Representative in the Legis-
latnre. said that a few civilized airs,
put on by member, would attract
great attention, and tha, capitalists
would want 10 know what county the
wearer Of the plug had the honor of repre-
senting. The scheme took like wild fire.
The County Judge said, in a speech that
created great enthusiasm, that the county
had hitherto injured itself by allowing its
representative 10 wear a hickory shirt aud
a pair OF copperas breeches. The appropri-
alton was made, and with proper ceremony
/ was conducted over 10 Geesenheimer's
store. He only had one plug, a mighty
tall thing, but the boys said il was just the
very kind, and that If Eastern capital
didn't pour into the county 1t would be q
great mistake on the part of the people
who were on the lookout for good invest
ments- l couldn't help but feel proud when
put il on and set out for the State capi
tai. was sure that would attract atten-
ton, and did. As | was walking down
the street this morning | met half
drunken fellow, who told me TO stop u
minute. / did so, aud waited for him to
explain. Around the corners of his mouth
there lurked the raveled ends Of peculiar
grin. "What DO you want:" said |. The
grin grew broader, aud the raveled ends
of popularity seemed 70 fit like the COR
ners of a bandana handkerchief when held
up in a south breeze.
Mister said he, L am poor man
with large family on my hands. | have
never asked charity, and until this moment
had never thought that | would ever ask
favor of any one, but You have forced
me 10 an extremity which had hoped TO
avoid What can | DO for you:' l asked.
/ AS tell YOU. he went on, Il am a poor
man. 1 have been cheated OF mach OF this
/ worlds enjoyment, and have withstOOd
many temptations, but, sab, there is cri-
sis in the lives of all men. Until few
moments ago / was quiet and unassum-
/ ing, but you have compelled me to become
! demOnstrative. Promise me that If my
actions-which, indeed. l can not restrain
/ prove strange and freakish to you, that
/ you Will reflect upon the general sadness
/ Of my life and excuse me- and with that
be nauled off with a stick and knocked of
/ my hat into the middle Of the street. Now
| look at il. Before coul1 recover from my
surprise a dray had run over it, and a
/ steer driven by butcher caught it on his
/ horns and carried it half a mile. Look at
/ il, will you: Oh, Pm going to kill him
/ What explanation can make TO the COun-
/ ty Court? Hah. What can l say when
they ask me 90 give an account of myself;
/ Knock Il off my hat because he was poor
and had never seen any fun. Kill MIN
Why, al the doctors in the town can't
| keep that follow aliven