Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1885-10-30
MOTHER" EARTH.
An Old Bachelor in Love with the
Pretty Planets.
Professors Theory That This Sphere Is a
Living, sentient Creature, That Man IL
Parasite and That Volcanoes Are
q Kind of Monster Measles.
IN. Y. world.1

Henry Nichols, or, as he now calls him.
If, Professor Henry Nichols, has been
at different times a sailor, real-estate
speculator,a a groceryman, a farmer and a
street-car conductor. AT present he is
established as a kind of carpenter in a lit
tie frame house in the extreme upper part
or the city. No one, perhaps, would ever
have known Prof. Nichols or his wonderful
cosmic theory, if the AtldRtic Monthly had
not hrst uEearthed him from his obscure
retire at among the desolate goat pastures
OF Fordham. In the only house on the
marsh block that stretches along Third
avenue from One Hundred and Seventy
second to One Hundred and Seventy third
street the professor employs happy ex-
istence in odd jobs of carpentering and by
lecturing to his friends of his discovery.
My theory" said he yesterday when
spoken to on the subject, "my theory will
mark as great O revolution in the worlds
history as did the theories of Galileo, New
ton or Columbus. 1t is simply the belief
that the earth on which we live is living,
breathing creature, an organism of flesh
and blood, of bone and sinew, of muscle
and brain. 1t has respiratory organs and
digestive apparatus like any other living
being; 1T entertains likes and dislikes, and
passes through the ordinary phenomena of
tirth, growth, maturity, decay and
death.o
How do you know your theory is a true
one?"
Il have talked with scientific men, with
college professors and with astronomers,
and not one was able to meet my argu-
ments."
"And your proofs are',-
well, take the tides, for instance. Ey-
cry living creature breathes, doesn't it?
The bigger he is the less frequently ha
breathes. A man will take breath twenty
times a minute, while an elephant, or even
horse, breathes much less frequently.
The mastodon used to breathe only once
III five minutes. So the big earth breathes
only once in twelve hours, OF twice day.
You can tell when it takes breath by the
tides. Twice day all over the world
they recede and advance. You NAV ask:
why doesn't the land move as well as the
water! Because if you will look at the
map you will find that the United States.
Canada and all of Europe correspond to
the upper part Of the earth's body, while
the water represents the abdomen or flex-
IDLE parts. OF course the softer or less
bony parts yi,ld to pressure more read
ily."
Then the mouth of this world of ours
you would place at the North pole?,
Exactly. If l am successful in raising
fund of $4,000 shall go to the pole and
prove that an opening one hundred miles
wide exists. l shall find that the earth feeds
upon star dust, stray meteors, lost comets
and perhaps some etheric substances, of
which we know nothing at present. The
Ice and snow about the pole go to prove
my theory. As in winter when you see
men with their boards covered with frost
and snow from their concealed breath. so
the earth's warm breath freezes.n
''Is its breath warm, then:"
"Look at Vesuvius ard answer the oues.
tion yourself, or at the hot springs of Lit
tie Rock, Ark. Volcanoes are running
sores of tie earth's body, eruptions. pim-
pies, or kind of monster measles. Earth
quakes are the throes of our planet in the
pains of collie or of disease"
Then what relations have men with
the sphere on which they live?"
Men are but parasites" said the Pro.
fessor, with calm contempt. Gas a doc
supports vermin so the earth supports us.
The trees and verdure on its surface cor-
ASSlphNS " VI luT Oh OJner animals. "
"And how long will this creature liveyn
"As an elephant lives longer than a man
and a whale longer than an elephant. so it
W ii he ages and ages before the earth
thinks of turning gray. Bot the earth is
middle-aged. and it is a good thing for us
that it is. 1t is settled in its round of
duties. 1t moves on its axis with the reru-
larity of clock work. 1t is like some staid
Old bachelor who never varies from his
daily tasks. Now and then when certain
planets with whom the earth is in affinity.
or.when Venus, whom the earth loves. is
In conjunction, great tidal wave rises up
Astronomers predict this months in ad-
vance, but they do not know the cause. 1t
is the earth signing for love. Well is it
Tor the poor parasites who live upon its
surface that the fires of its youth have
burned low, or our staid old planet might
! so sailing off into space ON a midnight es-
eapade, even as now and then you see
comet go whirling through space"