The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1885-12-24
.Old Nam ON Toast.

almost every n'Sn6 tIl iaIe, ENJOYING
banquets, and got half his living at the
festive board of different societies. He
got so that nothing but a regular
'.course dinner; would do him, and
the ordinary .'coar,e dinner" of Il fru-
gal home wouldn't make q first pay
ment in his stomach. But finally tho
stomach got too much of II good thing,
and a doctor ordered him summary
to cease attend ne %banquetS. and quit
living high late at night. He has al
ways thought some OF the banqueting
societies hired the doctor TO choke him
OFF, but could not prove it. However,
he quit, except in the case of the
Scotch banqucts. The st. Andrews
society would not let up on him, and
whenever the sons OF Scotia met to
talk of the r native land, around The
festive board, and TO S ng the old songs,
he has to be there. 1hev wouldn't
open q bottle of Scotch" or cut Il
cash in the haggis, unless they could
see his bald head shining for all. Mon
day night was st. Andrews night, and
when the toasts were well along, the
toast, 1.-The Press" was read, and his
nibs had to get up and work his mouth.
This was about what the feeble-mind-
cd old sport said, aud it is put in here
10 save writing 4 column or two of ed
itorial:
ME-. PREsIDENT-In all my expert
ence as q banquet toaster, q speaker at
the drop of the hat on the slightest
p~revocation, til is the first time that
| ever had Il speech prepared to read.
| have always found that if ] got up
and started my mouth going, and
turned my attention AWAY from il,
that it said something whether l was
conscious OF it or not. But as old age
has come upon me, L have found that
the talking utensils have stopped short,
to go again, and so | have taken
advantage of Il new invention. The
shorthand reporter and typewriter
have been called to my aid. This at
ternoon L called my shorthand re-
porter to my room, and said, 81 am to
respond to q toast, The Press this
evening, and [ want n speech. You
are q mind-reader, and J. will throw off
q few gestures, look wise Il few times,
contract my brow, and you go ahead
and fix up a speech The SHORT
hand m~ind-reader asked if l wanted
it funny, and | sad NAY: [ have
tried to say funny things heretofore,
and have got q reputation of being Il
SORT of idiot, and now 1 depend on
vou to save me-" The short hand re-
porter looked through me, and then
began to make hen tracks ON paper,
and presently the type writer began to
SHUTTER, and this speech was handed
all printed, which | will read you.
"Hr. President anil Gsnt!Gm eD of the
st. AnireW'S !SOcietH:-It is Il pleasure
to me, as it must be TO eve~y member
OF the newspaper profess on. to OBJ
serve hat at all banquets of all dis
tinguished people, Of all ~nationalities,
among the toastS there is always one
to the Press. 70 be called upon to
respond to that toast is deemed an
honor by all newspaper men aud well
it may be. BY the press you no doubt
mean the profession of Journalism.
That has changed materially since the
time when you gentlemen first landed
in America. Forty years ago, the
press of America was mighty small
potatoes. Perhaps it was no smaller
potatoes than the beginning OF the
business at which you gentlemen were
engaged, III that time. Every variety
of business was in its infancy. The
American merchant who to-day draws
h S check for II million, was then posi-
bly, travelling with Il p~eddler's pack,
or he might have been sweeping out 4
small corner store at a very small
The banker of to-day, whose vaults
contain millions of money. might have
been at that early date shining about
the street trying to raise Il small
amount of money that then seemed
very large to him. Those OF 0 who
are engaged in large manufacturing
enterprises were perhaps at that time
So it is " th the press. The editor
vas his W cOmpositOr, pr inter-, roll
er boy and carrier boy, and he had TO
20 about getting trusted for the ncces-
of life. To-day the newspaper
exercises as important functions in the
conduct OF the government rs the
bank ng and mercantile professions.
They nave become the most valuable
VI 1IlCIl VI DJIS.HcSS iICIC JHCg iEH
successful. and the poorest where they
are failures. Men who amass fortunes
in tie profession of iournalism, and
such cases have been known | can as
you, are as generous and do rs
much Tor the benefit of mankind as
richest Of other professions. In
stead OF being looked down upon as
poverty stricken. or struggling to
both ends meet, they are me IN
the stock exchange, in the Cabinet of
The President of nation, and they have
had mighty close calls to occupy the
presidential char. The newspaper of
has become as indispensable to
rou rs what you eat, drink. or wear.
Without them YOU would be in the
lensest ignorance as to what goes on
n the world. Your paper this morn
NO informs you of incidents that have
occurred Yesterday ut the other side
If the globe. Through the newspa-
)ers you are as well informed of the
business changes in any city of the
u ven the world, as you
ire of those in your own.
The King or Queen upon the throne
las the same fear OF the ouniprcscnt
interviewer that you have in your
business relations. He is everywhere;
Whatever tranSniTpS thar is of intereSt