The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-07-24
THE rIME-PlEcE VEST.
Honensteln Gives His Clerk Lesson In
Practical Economy.

Honensteln Gives His Clerk Lesson In
Practical Economy.
Trade on Poydras street was dull, and
most of the shop-keepers in the vicinity
of the market occupied chairs on the
sidewalk and chatted with each other
about the news of the day. Hoffenstein.
however, sat alone, engrossed in deep
thought and wondering if the present
summer would be as dull as the outlook
indicated. While he was thus engaged
Herman came to the door and said:
"Misder Hoffenstein, if We don't purity
quick puts some camphor NIT dose black
merino vests de reaches will eat dem all
away, und / drinks it will be veil if We
does de same ding NIT dose vite WOOL
hats, because de last time dat l sells
Won uf dem de man comes back to
de store de next day und dells me dot
he find enough of bed-bugs under de
lining to stock house, und dot he hat
to boil he hat shust like it vos a vegeta-
BILE before he could wear it. und den he
dells me dat ven he boils it dat de hat
stretches worse den 4 biece uf army
beef, und dat it spreads until he get his
wife to bind all uf de edges around mid
red flannel. und uses it in winter for
blanket. He makes me so mad ven he
dalks dat way dat dells him if he don't
90 de store out, hits him NIT he top uf
a shoe-box, und before / says anyding
else, he knock me Ofer. de head NIT
pair of dose star brogans vot vos laying
on de counter, und he goes away und
no policeman comes. Ii it don't hat
been dat nv aunt dies in Shreveport
last year, would hat Wiped him until
he drinks dot he don't will nefer come
aroand dis store again init any ut his
foolish NIT me-"
Swat makes you always dalk to custo-
mcrs dot way" said Hoffenstein, an
grily. "You loses his pisiness und YOU
gets Wiped in de bargain. Ven you
sees dot de customer vas mad, Wy don't
YOU dell him dose yite WOOL hats vas de
regular blanket hat, und dot you vas
sorry you nefer dink uf delling him
about dere biculiarity ven he buys Won.
In dot way de man would dink he gets
good bargain mitout knowing it, und
YOU keeps his pisiness. 1t vas shust
about time dot you vas dinking how to
handle de drade, you know but you
don't, und because it vas dull you goes
around und nefer drinks. l hat been
Watching YOU, Herman, und 1 sees
dot if 1 don't say noding dot after vile
YOU gets so lazy YOU won't even keep de
flies away from YOU" Then Hoffenstein
withered his clerk with a glance, and
after pacing the floor moment said:
'.At vat price vas you holding does
merino vests, vat you dells about vile
ago."
-Four dollars, Mr.. Hoffenstein."
"Vat did dey cost at de auction sale?"
"Dey shust cost eighty cents piece,
sir, und vas de damaged goods vot
comes from Goldheimer's store ven it
burns down."
'Vell, den, you dakes de marking
brush und put card NIT de show-vin-
dow dot We sells dose vests Mt 1915,
vich vas way below cost. Dot will gif
YOU someding to do, und it will keep
your mind busy, because if you goes
around here much longer mitOut any
ding to do first ding know will catch
you writing boetry for de Sunday bapers,
und den will run you out uf dis store
in such way dot you will d;nk you fell
out uf window. und you don't had bet
ter dink dot don't mean vat l say. elder.
Now YOU can dake your coat und go
home to dinner. und vile you vas dere
dink uf blan to sell dose vests. Dell
a customer ven he comes in dot dey vas
called de Timepieee vests, und dot dey
dell de time uf day. How many buttons
vas on dose vests?"
.Six Misder Hoffenstein."
We'll. den, dell de customer dat a
button drops off efery two hours, und
dot it splits open in de back vonce in
efery twenty-four hours. und safes de
exbense of 4 watch. If dat wasn't salts
factory to de customer you can say dat
de vest viii rip in de left side vonce in
five minutes, ind in the right side efery
auvarter of an hour. Remember vat l
saw. Herman, und dell de beople vot you
please, shust so you sell dose old vests
and make room for de new stock, you
know
"Yes, Misder Hoffenstein."
And Herman left the store. deter
mined to do all he could to please his
employer and to avoid repetition OF
the lecture.-N. o. Times Democrat.