davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Nothing to the Harvest Apple.

Detroit Free Press.
A Watermelon and a Cucumber which found
themselves on the same stand at the Central
Market yesterday began quarreling.
You are all collie, to say the best of you," re-
marked the Melon.
And you are all seeds and rinds," retorted
the Cucumber
Come now, what's all this row aboutY
queried the stand keeper, as he finished selling
quart of Strawberries
Why" answered the Melon, "old Cholera
Morbus here is jealous of me-"
mo such thing! Old Rind and Seeds brides
himself on being able to kill two men to my one
and you know that is all wind!"
Hush, my children" whispered the stand
keeper while | appreciate both of you for all
you're worth, neither of you is justified in doing
any Dragging at this season of the year The
Harvest Apple is now knocking 'em out in one
round"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
| Doctor: Then you cannot like exercise.
Mason: THAT depends. Sometimes, you know.
| we work by the day and sometimes by the job
Serenade Song.

awake from dreaming of thee, love,
While beams the pale-shining moonlight;
dreamed thou vert singing to me, love.
The song that we sang last night.
In fancy seized my guitar, love,
And sweetly voices together
Fell softly upon the night air, love.
Like moonlight upon the dark river.
On waking found my guitar, love.
With my fingers clutching it tight;
So softly stealing away love,
I've come to thy window tonight
o list then, my loved one above me-
My heart beats so loud and so strong,
IT'S beating to tell thee love thee;
Sweet, open thine eyelids ere long.
Frank Payne.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
The Appointment of Judge Tree.

Boston Saturday Evening Gazette.
When President Cleveland was asked to ap-
point Judge Tree to foreign mission he replied:
"rd just as leaf as not"
This gracious to the application was
received with profound bow.
I'm making this appointment, however, con-
tinued the Chief Magistrate, "it is not to be
considered by any branches of the judges family
that they have only to apply for position to be
appointed"
"Certainly knot" was the response.
Then. guess, you can tell Judge Tree to
pack his trunk" said the President. You
expected me, of course, to appoint himp he
added.
eve knew yoa wood" was the reply.
well" said the President Il was aware that
Judge Tree did not pine for the Office neverthe-
less, in such position l am anxious to see, as
our English friends would say, good man at
the elm and while I'm maple"
''Chestnuts!' exclaimed the delegation in a
breath.
Then the President retired to his desk with a
pleasant smile on his face, and the delegation
departed, well pleased with the success of their
mission.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Mustered Out.

1t seems to me but yesterday,
Though twenty years have fled,
Since all the boys in blue came back,
BY Grant, the hero, led.
With waving flags and happy tears,
And loud and joyful shout
With warm embrace and fliendly grasp.
We hailed them, mustered out.
o, what a change these twenty years
Of peaceful life have made!
But yesterday beneath the trees
The grand old chief was laid.
He left his sword with honor crowned
Upon life's last redoubt.
And sleeps to-day in silent camp,
BY glory mustered out.
And where are they who led the Blue
Amid the flame of war,
And brought our beauteous banner home
Without missing star!
Unbroken are their dreams to-day
By battles martial shout;
And Hooker. Burnside, Thomas, Meade,
Are heroes mustered out.
No more along Potomacs stream
Are pitched the tents of Lee
No longer Shermans legionS march
In triumph to the sea.
The Wilderness where thousands fought,
Tonight is dark and still;
The taSselled corn is waving on
The slopes on Malvern Hill.
The silky grass is long and green
Upon the rampant old,
The farmer turns the ruSted she'll
Up from the dewy mold;
And war no longer shakes the skies
That smile above the South:
The robin woOs his sweetheart in
The lannon's brazen mouth
The trumpet's piercing blast is still;
The shackled slave is free,
The Mississippi pre- IDLY rolls
Unguarded to the sea!
The snowy wings of peace are spread
Where stood the embattled line;
The tall palmetto of the South
Leans to the Northern pine.
The battered saber breathes of times
When fields were won and lost,
The empty sleeve in silence tells
How much the victory cost.
Behold the heroes mustered out!
They sleep in glade and glen,
On mountain top, by river side
-Four hundred thousand men!
Beneath the flag our fathers made
They fought for me and you,
And crimsoned with their precious blood
Their honored coats of blue.
Upon an hundred battle fields,
In victory and in rout,
And in the PRISONS horrid cells,
The brave were mustered out.
The ranks grow thinner! Day by day
We hear the funeral chant
The gallant blue coats, one by one,
Follow their leader, Grant
The battle drums are muffied now
Upon the last redoubt,
And where the bugle's notes are still
The boys lie mustered out
Methnks I see the last camp fire
Blaze up against the sky,
The angel adds the last brave name
To the deathless roll ON high.
They're gone, but still in vision fair
I see the ranks of blue.
That march in glorious columns in
Jehovahs Grand Review
II. G. Harbaugh, in Attica Ledge
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16


They were sailing on the beautiful waters Of
Minnetonka, and she looked up into his eyes and
asked him to tell her about all the different
boats George" she said, whats a brig, and
a schooner, and yacht2 and, oh, George, what's
that little fishing boat out therel"
That Angie, is smack"
lSweetly George, couldnt-er-couldn't
you give me a-er-a fishing boat9"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Chance.

These things wondering saw beneath the sun:
That never yet the was to the swift.
Nor vet the fight unto the mghtest to lift,
Nor favors unto men whose skill had done
Great works, riches unto
Wise man of understanding. All is drift
OF time and chance, and none may stay sift,
Or know the end of that which is begun.
Who waits until the wind shall silent keep
Will never ird the ready hour to
Who watcheth clouds will have no time to reap.
AT day-dawn plant thy seed, and be not slow
At night. God doth not slumber take sleep:
Which seed shall prosper thou canst never know
Helen Hunt Jackson, ca. H.'')
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
An Attem pit at Precision.

Philadelphia Call.
Brow beating Attorney-Come, madam, you
must reply with precision. l question whether
you understand the meaning of words.
Witness-Oh. yes | do.
Attorney-Perhaps you Only think so-a vanity
which would be excusable Give me an example
of precision in the choice of words.
Witness If | said you are good lawyer, l
would be speaking with precision; but if | said
that you are gentleman
Attorney-Well, what would that be?
Witness-A downright prevarication, sir.
Attorney-That is all.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Something Very Unusual.

FhITaueIph1a CaII.
Waiting Wife-Why, Henry how strange you
look and act What in the world is the matter9
Early Husband (angrily )-Nothins's the mat
ter with me.
W. Wife-But there must be. Have you been
drinking absinthe9
K. ACKNOWLEDGMENT been drinking anything.
I'm perfectly sober.
". Wife tmuch relieved )-Ah that's it. I
thought there was something very unusual about
your looks and actions
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Heat in st. Louis.


chicago TrlDune.
First st. Louis Citizen-I see that, something
over hundred years ago, the sun shone so warm
that people cooked their meat simply by placing
1T in pan and setting it out doors.
Second St. Louis Citizen-Ah, those old chaps
knew more about cooking than we DO now.
f. St. L. C.-Why?
S. st. L. C.-Because nowadays there is no
Way provided to keep the meat exposed to the
sun from burning up.
F. st. l.. C-Qulte true. hadn't thought of
that. Let's go and take hot Scotch and cool
off,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Effects of Congress Water.
New York Times.

Little Girl lat Saratoga hotel) at Half Rates
You NAV bring me piece of tenderloin steak,
French chop, Saratoga chips, sliced tomatoes,
and chocolate, and let the chocolate be strong
and hot.
Waiter Ito mother of little girl)-Your order,
madame if you pleases
Mother-You may bring the same.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
A Silhouette.

The gambler gave grin:
"No, my friend, play game
IF have to die to win"
A Silhouette.
Camp meeting,
Damp seating,
Areated preacher;
Tramp feeding,
Bush beating,
While mosquitoes eat yer.
Skies lower,
Steady shower,
Tent but half completed.
Nary prayers,
Naughty swears,
More religion needed.
-Baltmo ore Times.
She said it very gently and she said it very low,
And she looked so very cunning as she donned the
calico.
I've now become author-why, can't you take
hint?
In putting on this calico I'm getting into print.
chicago Sun,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
No Social Attractions, Hey?

New York Graphic (Dem.l
''Seven-eighths of the callers at the White
House come for political purposes" We'll, what
of It'll What else should they call at the White
House fort
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
Engineer and Pioneer,

Engineer and Pioneer.
Worcester Gazette.
Teacher-What is an engineers Boy No. /
A man who works an engine Teacher-What
is pioneer9 Boy No. 2-The man that works
the Diano
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
BY the Day and by the Job.

German Paper.
Doctor: "You need exercise; what is your
employment Patient: II am mason"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
WHIMSICALTTIES.

ENSURE your life, an agent said.
The gambler gave grin:
"No, no, my friend, play no game
IF have to die to win"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-08-16
INTERNATIONAL BIBLE LESSON.
THIRD QUARTER. LESSON VIII. August %.
Elijah at HOreb-I Kings xix, lis.

GOLDEN TExT.-Anl after the fire a still small
voice. l Kings xix, II.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
THIHcs WORTH KNOWING.

Spuin's oosst defeDoos are in bad
way.
The shamrock is growing scarce IN
Ireland.
Steel nails are now almost exclusively
used.
A new tovnin Florida has been named
Bsysrd2
In the new usage fashionable dinneu
are not hong.
Frozen cream cheese IL popular in
New OrleanA
A tablet with . back 70 il like an easel
Is new menu card.
Compliant Is made that nothing TT to
eat can he had in Cuba
A ton Of gold is buried in the graves
every year
A Chinese state banquet sometimes
reaches seventy-five courses
Horse railroads were started in ST
/ Petersburg only twelve yesrs ago
The White Mountain towns net about
/ q, ,ooo. .OOo of summer visitors
Bog oak snd Irish diamond jewels are
( once more worn in London.
/ Krupp's newest death-dealer Is a 125-
ton gun that kills at nine mica
An EnElishrnan has q full suit made
rat skins. Il took SO skins
PENNSYLVANIA declined in farm vaiue
IS ner cent. between 1870 and 1850
According % resent census Green
land contains population Of 10000.
oculists predict that we shsd heoome
9 spectscled nation in ffty years more.
Nearly every village church IN Russia
has bottle of vvster from the Jorusn-
--sdztor,a in SuIjvn county. y ".
I i valued at $4,000 It came from Ire
hand.
In Genoa the policemen wear 80 rats
and carry sifver-headed walking. *
, II was customary IN Bnsisnl C =
plsrd the preachers IN the p,1-- -
Yesrs ego.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27

Did you ever listen 70 \ young couple
working up tn that point ot anectionate
intimacy az which they cal one another
by their Christian nRmesi
''It has been lovely party, hasn't H.
Mis- JHcksonf"
Lovely, Mr wilkins"
Il have known you 9 long time, -
Jackson"
And l have known you quite avhRs..'
',Tve often heard my sister sPsG- b.
You"
And my brother is always ta-s' F..
about you."
.Is be, I hear 40 much shout you L
I feel quite at home with you"
'It's a lovely night, isn't II Mr. Wiz
insT'
'sBesutifuL think Bdith's suoh
pretty name"
"Do youF I don't Ike it,
Edith"
what did you sayf"
fsOh. nothing was merely repeating
the name"
Il don't like all mems names I Ike
some Ike Philip and Ferdinand and
whist do you think of GeOrge'"
That's your name GeorgeT'
II beg your pardon
oh nothing was only repeating the
what : lovely aisht it is, isn't it, Miss
BdithTr
'sOh. there George wilkins, what did
YOU les ne slip on that cobblestons f0rf'
'rPon my werd. I didn't DO it Miss
EHfsh'
well ~. srs st home or I am. NJ
GEORGE
Il am very sorTy."
90 am Z Tn 50 much obliEed foT yOur
escort: I've had such a lively time"
And 50 have L"
Coed night, Mr.. wilkins
Good night. Miss Jackson"
Good night"
GOOD night"
Good night-Edith-"
Good night-Tcorge-'
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
TgIE LITTLE CHURCH uoUsE.


little church mouse stole out OF his houss,
AT the top Of the pulpit stair
NlSd slyiv looked down, III the folks OF the
town,
P-O eSsing IN kneei In prayer;
bat he that many had come to be seen.
And that more ha6 come to aee;
SO lac stole INSIDE to his 1ittle brown bride.
And thus to his mate sang lac,
- 4 very strange world Il the world below
havn't much faith In its faith, you know"
The little church mouse look'd out Of his house
Where the tinted aunbeams play.
While he wAtch'd the bride leave her fathers
side,
And December mated with May.
Then he heard her whisper her Efe louS vowA
As she took his gift OF gold
So he sadly sang, Hh1- the churrb bells rauS
For heart that vas bought and sold,
A very strange love is the love below.
wouldn't give much for the lot. / trUw."
This little church uscuse look'd out " I,t
house,
Thro' the haze ef the dying day.
While the children Eept, where = iovd QUE
slept.
To wake In 1he far-away,
When he heard the message OF perfect peace,
That hoated on unseen wings,
ThIs little church mouse stole into kis house.
And still to himself he sings,
"A very atrange liro this life would Be
Were II not tOz the end that We may no
so"
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
EBENSBURG, NOVEMBER 27 1885

,trsrcer ;ea,ed. Mr.. Clayton wanted TO
learn his business
You had q young man in Tour employ
orrr named I.ambert-GeorRe Lambert
the stranger began
III had. " Mr MrClsyton answered, scruteniz-
IN. -r'- curioj- sly.
.IIe hA conm;ss 5ned ns to deliver
Ehis -s.,Ier contsnu 80, slaeins
n L.. -. 81. ne haul OF Mr.. Clayton. who
oreneI il and found il to contain = num-
6er of bank bills
The old gentleman looked puzzled
This is "A mystery" he said was there
no message SentF
.'.N-none in particular" the stranger
.s4aumered; .sthat Is unless ] chOoss "a
aay that il was OH SccOunt Of forged
check OF yours, on which George Lsmhcrt
drew the money three years ago. You
will find the principal and interesf al
ri1,t think"
But no money was ever drawn on
forut d check of mime said MT. Clayton
unore and more asteOlshsd; " and - fol
George Lambert, though he aisappsessd
mysteriOusly about the time you msn"S1-
an honester fellow never hreathed"
And so the check was not forGsFFF
cried the stranger.
''What checkf'
l1~he check for hundred dollars. bear
txn YOUR name which Charles Lam be51
xRve his brother, and on which the latter
drew the money just before his disa ppear-
Anoe"
II tell you. no forged check ct uaihs
has been presented" said Mr.. Clayton
ennd am sure neither George Lambert
nor his brother ever thought of doing 9
dishonest act"
Thank Godr' exclaimed the stranger,
and throwing aside his disguise, George
Lambert approached and grssped his old
employers hand
just then Herbert Kendall entered.
George Lambert turned upon hin
deFcely.
1T =zas mat Villain" be sid who made
me believe that the check wa false. and
that l sas accused oz crime, 81 which
thought, - am e6nvinced be veil knew
could Snly cleer myseH By dsoouaetns
my brother. he eounsels4 hight ead
YtaIded 70 hts sdvics to save, - believed
! my brothers HSerty and good name
I ScoundEeij know ySur motives now.
have heaEt1 Of your contemplated mar
Rage II was TO clear the wsy Tor ths
that you made me al exile Etholin'
! Hais shall know all. and she Ia far 20
neols to besto~ her band IS the rSwAs'
for Porndyr'
Herbert R.adan hung his head In cor
fusion. He never became the partner c
kr Clayteo or the husband of Ethsffn
Hale. Indeed the latter has been fe
several years Mrs- George Lambert, an
Charles is junior member IN the house G
CLAYTON h Co
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
ISFi.sIATa s0cuTT.
Eoans lay Members Who HnE @E2
Epon Cstn9 the vulgar Language

Roang Lay Member who EnE 1E2
rpon Csfng the vulgar Language
A society was recently organized In
CAaoAgo BY young ladies Tor the purposs
- discoursgins ths use Of slang phrases
% conversation. At meeting. Wnhe .
member was addressing the society, she
Inadvertently msds use Of the expression
- awful nice" and was called 20 order by
. sister member for trsnsgressinS the
rules
uIn what way have / trRnsgresssdiT
asked the speaker, blushine deeply
'You said Is would be awful nice %
admit young gentlemen 70 our dehoers--
tSousH replied the other.
'SWeu, wouldn't It bef' returned the
speaker ''You know you said yourself
no longer ago than yesterday that"
''Yes; bus you said awful nice That's
dang"
you are going % Be % awful nice about II
perhaps Il ts; but wouldn't say anything
Il Were you. Didn't you tel Ssllie
Spr1ggirs this morning TO pun down her
besqusr
80 I didn't" rstorted the other. her
faee growing crimson, ssand SaAie SPrig-
gins VII say didn't saa won't &C hseS
on me-"
This b q nice racket ycu are giving
US" Cried the president after rspping
Is the object OF this society -
"To discourage slang" cried doEen,
voices
.Correct," said the president. ~GO
on with the funeral"
A member arose e explain that she
has been nned st the last meeting for
saving awful nice herself, but she
hadn't the stamps 20 pay Il now-vould
ssttle, however, in the sweet oy-and-by.
"Tyhatu be all right" said The press
dent; pay when you have She dueatE"
Another member asked u q young lsdy
oould say "old splendid" without sub
iectinE herself to = nne.
/ You bet she can't" sid the presi-
dent who was the original founder OF ths
seeisty, and therefore appealed 70 when
any nice question was 20 Be decided
Then" said the speaker, II move that
Miranda Pew come down with the dust
for heard her say that her beau wa
just old splendid"
Mtranda'a face was fu q blaze as shs
cried, We'll, II my bean was such hair
pin as your fellow Is, I wouldn't say Il"
shoot the ehinninR p cried the prsEi
dent; viii you never tumble -
But the confusion was too great % b
aIlayed Niranda's blood was up Sons
sided with her and others against her, EnS
amid the Babel that followed could b
heard such exolam ations as DRY up 7
Mice blackberry you are % Wipe Of
your chin r. Hire hall % Sc, when
motion to adjourn was carried by = lArg
majority.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
Nc Ariuecr,ss Need Appiy.

One day big, Handsome Ben Ls Fsvre
wns having his rotund and joviai personal
~ IN . marble bsthtab N the House
-. l-rOom at the capitol
While he was dSpOrtina himself 10
sepid water made fpsH1ng with scented
spaps and was about ready 70 Be rubbed
dry by the attendant q messenger came
Apvn and called TO him from the outside
tAas there were some ssntiensn shove
anxious TO see him on Important beeiness
fog moment, al they were Obliged 70
depart hurriedly TO catch tYain.
"who are theyl" called the general,
blowing the watts out Of his mustache
with a snort like q porpoise.
They are some gentlemen from Ohio,
dr"
Are they people from my district"
asked Ben.
Yea siH." answered the meSse niger
Then for heavens sake don't send them
down here. Shut the doors there and
keep them out, Good I4or1i IL any ~
them find bathe IN a marble tub and am
rubbed down 6y nigger instead OF going
down TO the crsek and drying myself with
my shirt, IL will lose me . Thousand
votes
The unterri1ed and un~Ashed con
stitueuts didn't get in.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-27
HOW 70 cURR OBESITY.
Tdsa Advanced by German PhYSae9sns
Medicine 90 Ne Avoided.

Tdsa Advances by GeSmsu PhYSaNsns
Medicine 90 Ne Avoided.
In she Fourth Congress a 0eYnnsn
uhveieiaus the arst subject disousseA wa
esrpulenceA Ebstein eAvanesd the opiuiou
that drugs were Of lisske ssrvtcs IN rsAue-
inx the snouus - set, soa thas - spttrs
change In The Toximen-tnct0ding 10th
tnK--was neeesssry-
Apv method which reduced the general
nutE4sion, end tAus removed tat. we q
faslurs ths fst aloae usugt be removed.
The naethod mus not require the tndiyt-
dual 10 give up hts business during treat
nent else 81 wsuld not Be generally sp-
plIca6le The msshod must Be capable Of
being continued tzdefnftely without pro
dpcina unpleasant resultA tor individuals
prsdisposed to oorpulence by heTeditY 81
constitution must Keep up tbs diet for .
long time
One method Is 10 cot OF all fatty foods
But as carbohydrates may Be changed h-
10 TAT In the body this is NOS Teaeonsnae.
The object h rather TO pTeTsnt the foTma-
tson Of fat IN the body. To secure than ~
y necessary to regulate she proportion 81
aIbuminous, stsrohy, and fatty foods %
that perfect nutrition shall hs sscured,
but no excess Of fat produced The
necessary amount OF fNt for q healthy man
is 1A2 grains per diem.
II this 70 reduced one-bsH . part Of the
smount necessary for nutrition VIII be
taken from the body to eompSnsste fnI
the reduced allowance In the food, and
SAus the excess Of fat may be removed
Under this system the individual doee not
suffer the distress which b felt by tAoSs
who are cut OF from al fatty food. and
the results are more successful and agree
able than those of the Banting system
Ths amount of carbohydrates h to b
reduced 50 that no surplus a6oVe bOdtl,
needs shall be taken
In the Bsnting system the diet is ctief
y heterogeneous which often causes N
digestion Ebstein gives nitroEcncu
food with the reduced allowance Of stAr5l
and fat in sufficient quantity TO keep 81
tho general nutrition and woYktnI
strength, but not in such amOunts a. q
overload and embarrass the organs wfnei
digest proteids The necessity Of mus
eular exercise Of sufficient force to pyc
duoe free preparation Is insisted HPVt'
Thls system has met with SVProvNi +
Germany on account OF It's success.
Hennsberg, in discussing the Sobjsci
approached It from different EtdaA and
! By = review OF the methods SdOpted (
( fattsning cattle, sought 10 deduce I'll
rules necessary to be observed in avOtiin
the accumulation Of fat N man. Th
! general discussion elected varying view
upOo the physiology Of digestion, but .
. agreed that the use Of medicine for 2
. ductng corpulence was to be avoided