St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-05-03
SCINTILLATIONS OF WIT.
THE EpICURE IN LOVE.

And her lips ripe and full and deliciously
tempting,
Recalled early strawberries fresh from the
South.
And neer was a spring like the spring that
woOed her:
It's memory fingers though now am old
On that grass lay the hue Of the tender new
lettuce;
Those sunsets were gilded with mayonnaise
gold.
The planlzed shad were homeless, the spring
lamb was youthful,
The water cress fresh with the dew OF the
brook;
The sweetbreads cooked wholly, the GRO
quetteS all chicken
In the days when we both read from loves
open book.
TWO BUSY BUSINESS MEN.
First Business MAXWELL. how is bust
ness, old man?
Second Business MANIFEST rate. We
have only hall bedroom left and my wife
thinks she will be able to fill that this week.
How is everything with you?
First Business Man-Splendid. We are
always busy at this season of the year.
The women must have spring millinery,
you know. What do you say to a game OF
billiards?
Second Business Mani was about to
propose the same thing myself.
HARDLY WORTH MENTIONING.
st. Louis CitiZen-That Preller murder
was a terrible affair.
Chicago CitiZen--What murder?
st. Louis Citizen-The Preller murder,
at the Southern hotel.
Chicago Citizen Gndiffercntly) yes,
believe did hear something about it,
Yes, it was bad affair-for ST. Louis; but
in large city like Chicago the killing of
only one man is looked upon as rather a
tame affair.
Bob Ingersoll ought to think well of the
Bible. Ii it were not for the good book he
would not be able to clear 500 night. ~.
The disease which has troubled Gen. Grant
was not cancer. 1t was doctors"
MAKING SLOW PROGRESS.
A new York paper complains that in
Simultaneous photographs cannot be taken.
1t says that the camera has to be exposed
one two hundred and fftieth part of a Sec
Ond, and that that is as near instantaneity
as the inventors have come. The New Y ork
paper does well to complain. There is
nothing more tiresome than to be compelled
to sit in cramped position, with ghOstly
glare in your eyes and the back Of your head
clasped in a pair of tOngS for one two hum
dred and tiftieth part of second. If the
inventors cannot shorten this long wait to a
reasonable period they had better give up
inventing and go to work for living.
BETWEEN THE HORNS OF A DILEMMA
Friend Ito great actor)-How are you
succeeding in YOUR new DlaV?
Great ActOr-Bad business right along.
The fact is have become SO identified with
the character of Hamlet that the public
won't let me play anything else.
Frend-Why don't you stick to Hamlet,
then?
Great Actor-Because the public won't
come to see me any more.
COMING ATTRACTIONS.
''That is rather a good picture of Bob
Ingersoll," said husband, handing news
paper to his wife.
''And is that MI. Ingersoll?" she asked
in surprise, indicating a picture with her
finger.
mo" he replied, ''that is Jo-Jo, the
dog-faced boy. Ingersoll's picture is just
above it. They both show here next week. y
Mary Anderson has sold her steam yacht
hoiuuCt. ttlltl SlNCll up tIiC ltiC6t VI bCII5
nautical. Cor nautical read naughty gal,
and there's your chestnut.)
TO BE DRANK WITH ENTHUSIASM.
Gentlemen, "said an after-dinner speaker,
81 offer the toast, The advancement of
our public school system and the encour-
agement both by precept and (hic) exam
pie, of the moral and intellectual education
of the young | call upon Prof. Blackboard
to respond. Gentlemen, let there be no (hic)
heel taps"
QUICKNESS OF REPARTEE.
Mr.De Dhumme Gust introduced Jaw
fine da'ay we've had iss-er-er-Smith?
Miss Smith (tired already)-5Yes.
Mr.. De Dhumme-AW-bidS fair to be
fine to-mOwwah Miss-er-Smith.
Miss Smith (more tired)-Yes, but don't
you think the weather is rather dry sub
ject for conversation, Mr-erDe Dhumme?
Mr.. De Dhu1nme brilliantly
when the WeathaW is wet, MiSS-er-Smith.
BY THE SEA.
The air was soft as woman's touch,
The breeze was flower laden:
Beside the sea we slowly strolled,
l and that lovely maiden.
The sky was calm, all earth serene,
One of lifes dreamy phases;
But alas with anguish filled
My new shoes pinched like blazes.
When young man offers himself to
girl in an upright position, is it standing
offer or must all answer be given at once.
A friend who is in trouble wants to know.
HARDLY WORTH WITNESSING.
A rural citizen of the Southwest who had
been to town attended dance in the even
ing and assisted at an execution the follow
ing morning He was asked if he had had
a pleasant time.
"Well," he said in qualified tone of
voice, ''the dance was pleasant enough
for knock-down-and-drag-out and two
ladies shot-but the hanging was bout the
tamest affair ever SEEN"
PREPARING FOR THE MORROW.
"There, Exclaimed farmers wife wear
lily, as she sank into chair, ''Im through
at last. From 4 o'clock in the morning UNI
til 10 at night is long days work.
Indeed it is" replied the farmer sym
pathizingly. ''You must be very tired.
You had better darn few pair of stock
ing and go to bed, so as to be fresh for to-
morrow"
A DIAGNOSIS.
John Bull Ito physician Have You seen
the premier, doctor?
Physician
John Bull-What seems to be the matter
with him lately?
Physician fever.
UNDER A CRAZY QUILT.
He slept and dreamt that the kangaroo
Had given fancy ball;
The elephant came with the festive gnu,
The mouse with the ostrich tail.
A funny giraffe, that did nothing but laugh,
Dropped in with u centipede;
And cricket and flea that had just been to