Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-06-24
Beating the Parson.

| rluSe ices lOrH no Iuean part VI u
minister's income. We receive all
the way from $5 to 500 per marriage
generally, although in many instances
we are beaten clean out of the fee,
In the first place, there's the envelope
dodge. One night a happy, loving
couple awoke me in the middle of the
night and wanted me to marry them,
1 arose, dressed myself and perform
ed the ceremony. As the parties
turned to leave. the groom hunted
through his coat-tail pocket, and when
the brides head was turned he sur
reptitiously handed me a well-flled
envelope. bowed them out, think
ing had been well paid for my trou.
BILE. hurried to my room and told
my wife she could have the new bon
net she had been plaguing me about
tore open the envelope, and what
do you suppose was in it"
HUNDRED dollars or sol"
"Ten sheets of reporters copy
paper l think that fellow was a
member of the press"
"Then there's the marriage-certif.
cate dodge. It's good one. I've
had it played on me and l know of a
number of others who have suffered
Here is my case /: An apparently
well-to-do couple came to my house
and / married them. After the con-
summation of the ceremony the groom
said he wanted handsome certificate
with costly frame.
"'Let it be nice; anything below
s25 will suit. Call it twenty-five,
said he, streking his mustache pomp-
ously. when can l have itr
II told him if he'd call in the lat
ter part of the week I'd have nice
one for him. The certificate and
frame cost mes17. They were gorge
Gus. That's the frame up there
around my grandmother" said the
minister, signing. "The certificate
can be purchased at cost price.
another case is fresh in my men,
ory, as it is of recent date. After 1
had married couple the groom JIM
gled the contents of his pockets and
withdrew his closed hand. AS 1 bow
ed him from the front door he got be-
tween me and the bride, and shaking
my hand warmly, placed large coin
in it as he bade me a hearty goodbye.
l have that coin yet. Here it is"
And the dominic produced a leaden
sinker that had been beautifully
rounded and sapd-paper to make it
resemble a 500 gold piece.
"Checks drawn on broken banks or
banks that never had any existence,
or banks where they never heard Of
the drawer, cannot be classed under
that head. The ministers of our
cities could furnish n fine collection
of these if they were called upon to
do SO. The efrontery of these de.
praved beings always takes the form
of bashfulness. They make believe
that they arc too bashful to offer the
money in the presence of the bride.
Whenever / hear a bashful man jim
Cling in his pockets, l am not certain
that his pocket does not contain nails
or keys until he produces coin, and
/ am not certain of the genuiness Of
the coin, until / have tested it with
my teeth. An honest, God-fearing
man comes out boldly, and in present.
ing his offering makes little joke
about his bride being worth it, or some.
thing of that kind. That makes us
all happy, and there is no need Of
fracturing ones teeth.
However, l was fooled once by q
man who did this very same thing
He had neglected to provide a ring
and l loaned him one l always have
on hand. After the ceremony he 70.
turned it, asking me what my charge
was. I told him we made no charge
but if he felt inclined to rcmunerate
ME he could do so. He jocosely re.
marked that he guessed his bride was
worth $25, and if she proved good
he'd send me s25 on every anniver.
sary of the wedding He called for
pen and ink and filed out check.
He insisted upon my praying for their
welfare before they left, and l did so.
They had never heard of him at the
bank where the check was drawn
"And you was prayer sutY
zone minute! really felt like
amending that petition, for it was a
fervent $25 one. l trust the way
ward youth was benefited by it. He
needed all the prayers he could OBJ
tain by false pretenses. The ring he
handed back to me was not mine.
When he felt into his pocket for the
check he exchanged it for fve-ccnt
brass one. have used it ever since
when occasion required."-Ncw York
World.