Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1885-06-19
FUN

THE JUDGES Doc STORY.-"You talk
about dogs" said the Judge, "you talk
about dogs-I can tell you the funniest
story about dog"
Ibid you know the dog?" said the doc
tor.
II did. This dog belonged to friend
of mine, who used always to take him out
with him"
ga bad habit, (" put in the doctor, 'you
should never let dog know too much"
1.-The dog used to wait outside for him
when he went to call on friend. One
night they were very merry party and
they kept 1t up late. My friend got very
drunk. The dog finally got restless and
began to howl. A champagne bottle just
passed his nose and he smelt it and shut
up. About 2 O'Clock in the morning my
friend came out. He said goodnight,
shut the door, walked in by the garden
gate all over the flower beds, and finally,
unable to get out, he lay down on a rose
bush and went to sleep. The dog watched
by him till the milkman came along in
the morning, picked him up and took him
hOme.'
''That's nothing" said the doctor.
sYou just wait minute. Two or three
nights later he went and called on his
friend again and took the dog with him.
The dog waited outside little while and
began again to howl. Another champagne
bottle was thrown at him. He smelt it,
winked to himself and tr0tted off. He
went home, scratched at the door till the
servant girl opened it, attracted my
friends wife's attention, made her follow
him to pile of planks and whined till
they got out very long and broad one.
Then he directed them to where his mas
ter was, and when the door bell rang and
the door opened, the jewellers found the
dog, my friends wife, the servant and a
stretcher, That dog knew what was
needed. you bet"
SWELL" said the doctor, IL thought l
knew all the dog stories, but that 3 a new
one.''
A GOOD REAsoN,-"No, gentlemen, y
exclaimed a middle-aged man. who was
talking to crowd on Austin avenue,
nothing in the world could induce ME to
allow one of my children to enter school
room, for the reason that"
You hire a teacher to come to the
house," interrupted one of the crowd.
mo, it's not that. It's because"
''They are too sickly to 60 to school, :"
exclaimed another excitedly.
mo, that's not the reason, either. No
child of mine shall ever attend school, be-
cause -
because you don't want them to be
smarter than their daddy.''
mo, gentlemen, the reason is because
I've not got any children"
TIE KIND OF TRIMMING IT NEEDED.
-"Now," said she, with bright smile,
show do you like my bathing suit?"
"Well," said he, as she held it up before
him, 81 think it might be improved by a
little trimming.
'Certainly, my dear; am willing t.
oblige you, and perhaps it would make 1t
all the prettier. What do you think l
should trim it with-red or white brald?"
Il Think said he, as he cast his eyes
over its scant proportions, ''that it would
be good thing to trim it with an over
skirt.''
She hasn't spoken to him since.
TRYING TO PUT ON A HEAP OF AIRS
But 1 tell you he's good man,
81 don't care if he is; shan't vote for
him.
"Why ?"
He tries to put on airs.''
SIN what way ?''
''Why, b. gosh, he wears two suspenders
n carries his terbacco in box, an be
never thought o. chuckin' his pants into
his boots till he wanted the nomi alton. :"
Editors. have their peeuliaritiss as well
as other people. They practice and incul
cate brevity, which is virtue. They are
abaent-minded, which is failing. 1t is
not strange then that one should send
note to his lady-love like the following -
dearest, I have carefully analysed the
feeling entertain for you, and the result
is substantially as follows. I adore you!
Will you be miner Answer" Then after
a moment of thought he added in drea-
my, absent way: "Write only on one side
of the paper. Write plainly and give real
name, not necessarily for publication, but
as guarantee Of good faith"
II amt got no use for Mr.. Jackson"
said old Patterson. ''Why?" BEAT me
outen cents" ibid, eh?" "Yes, sab.
1 seed his vest hangin' On de fence an
sarched de pockets an foun' whut 1
thought wuz er quarter, but it want
nuthin' but one o. desc heah twenty cent
pieces. Eff dat man hader been homes.
he wouldn'ter fooled me in dat way.
ain It got no use for him.
Asking Too Much.-A man applied at
house in San Antonio for aid. s'You
should 60 to work and earn a living,''
was the indignant reply. $50 to work
1t isn't bad enough that am so poor that
I have to beg, but here you come and want
me to work besides
snow, then, John, - said the restaurant
keeper to his boy, bring out those sand
witches We put up last winter. Here's
big order come in to supply the Sunday
school picnic"
a gentleman came home in the "wee
sma' hours ayont the twal,'' at the South
End recently, and was surprised to find
his wife clad in black. why are you
wearing these mourning garments 2" he