The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-11-12
JACKSON. OHIO THURSDAY, NOVEMBER II. 1885.
THE MERRY SIDE!

1t seems that New York has Hill the Repub-
licans can't climb.
Virginia is Democratic State, as near as we
can tell from this distance.
Let's quit betting on New York, and stake
our money on baseball game.
Many q young man has bright prospect
but it is prospect for the Penitentiary.
Cleveland went home to help Hill out, and
the Democrats lost over 800 in Buffalo.
-
The cold fact of the election returns is by no
means as sweet as the fond anticipation.
In Mississip ppi there is a great Democratic vic
tory. There was no other ticket in the field.
Cleveland shuts out the office-seekers now.
They hope to shut him in out in about three
years from now.
The more Republicans who drop the Enquirer,
the more that paper abuses Cleveland. 1t wants
to get solid again.
New York used to be called "New Amster-
DAM" The Republicans only use the last sylla-
BILE in speaking of it, now.
sing, as he looks toward the East, 'What are
the Wild Waves Saying?"
It may be observed by careful attention that
the m odern remedies never get down to business
on a disease of less than ten years standing.
..*
The report that Bill Nye was killed at Hills
boro, caused momentary Joy, until we learned
that it was not the alleged humorist.
The word comes from Chicago that firm of
hide-dealers has assigned. They probably
couldn't skin their creditors any longer.
Many fond parent is training boy for the
Law, or the Ministry, while the boy is training
himself to start out as a Professional Skater.
The Columbus Dispatchs funny man says:
" sPious President, please pie u.s., is the office
seekers cry Il seems that "pi-us" is the word
with Cleveland.
West Virginia paper-whose patrons are
sending in pumpkins on subscription-notifies
them that it is money, not pumpkins, that it is
in need of.
1t isn't the loudest talker who commands
greatest attention. The sigh of zephyr is much
more pleasing than the roar of March wind.
president Cleveland voted the straight DEM
ocratic ticket.' And still some people will
claim that he has the good of the country at
heart!
The Gallipolis papers have gotten the weight
of pumpkins up to nearly ITO lbs each. "A we'll
known farmer hving''-but it's no use. We're
too near Gallipoliis
Miss Katie Tabb, of Louisville, had her cloth
ing take fire while kneeling before the CRATE
praying. Came near ascending in a chariot of
fire, as it were.
Phtladelphian is buying up old cows in
Trumbull county, Ohio, and shipping them
East to Bologna Sausage Factories. What's the
matter with the dogs?
The old saddle carried Fitz Lee through, in
Virginia. A few more campaigns like that,
however, and the people will be taught to re-
spect man above the middle.
Fanny Mills, Of Sandusky, is said to be
prize for some young man hunting wife and
an appropriation. But Fanny has feet eighteen
inches long. Still a slipper of that size would
be good thing in family.
Several women offered their votes in New
York, but were refused the right to vote. The
law considers that there are enough ''old wo-
men" on the mems side now.
+.t
10. Kemper, of Cincinnati, sold bottle of
lager for twenty cents, and the U. s. Commits
sioner charged him ninety dollars for selling
without license. Now 10. signs "vere ish mine
brofits?"
Amid all the ups-and-downs, successes and
Iofo of aO1a o1,c hot Tho
prohibition Party" is still coming. True, it'sa
little behind, but still pegging away.
So
Mississippi has the best Democratic organiza-
ton of any State in the Union. If a Republi-
can comes out tor office there, they kill him.
This makes it easy on election clerks.
"That capital is as much yours and mine,"
shouted street Communist, "as it is the prop
erty of the rich ~
"Yes, if you work for it shouted a listener.
Professional skaters of the ages of three and
five years are travelling about the country. We
may expect the other extreme neXt-to see
ninety winters cavorting upon rollers.
President Cleveland entered the White House
few days ago for the first time,
because he has not had time, heretofore. He
has seen d good many "blossoms," though, in
his official career.
The Salvation Army gives praise for "captur-
ing seven rebs, from the DEVILS ranks" in Mid
dleport. We would suggest to the Army that
there's mighty good picking, in that line, over
in Virginia.
DIR. D. L. Gooch, of Ironton, late Democratic
candidate for State Senator, will remove to Gin
cinnati and go into the Drug business. He
would rather sell ipecac in Hamilton county,
than take it, in a political way, in Lawrence.
We are informed that Louisville is "disturb-
ed" because a colored man is on the Grand Jury.
But it is nothing new for a community to be
by Grand Jury. They are not dis
turbed enough, is the trouble.
A band of Indians with bears and monkey
went to Gallipolis to show, but the Mayor
couldn' It bear them, and ordered them out of
town. The Mayor was utterly wrong in this.
That was frst-class Uncle Tom IS Cabin Troupe
that you drove off, Mr.. Mayor.
Mr.. Thomas Cogan, of Cincinnati, said in
recent interview that sif the Democrats all over
county, the State would have been Democratic
If the Hamilton county plan had been tried in
other parts of the State, the Penitentiary
wouldn't be half big enough.
So
Gentleman in search of fast horse: "Whats
the time of your horse?1
-Four year-old!''
"But how long, to the mile?"
Seventeen hundred and sixty yards"
"But what time does he maker?
"Twenty-four hours a da"--
"But what's his speed? ?"
"Fastv
"How fast?"