davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09

Some times lawyer meets his
match on the witness stand. Not
long since there was a breach OF
promise case in an Ohio town. The
usual bully-ragging lawyer was there
but an unusual witness, in the per-
son of a county school marm, met
him.
'Ah, miss, said the lawyer. when
she had taken the oath, will you
state your name 2"
Elizabeth Martin" she respon-
ded quietly.
"Your occupation p
Teaching school,"
'How old are you?" be next in
quired. with sidelong glance at the
crowd.
''Old enough to know that it's
none of your business" she answer
ed, as gently as the ring dove COOS.
objection sustained p remarked
the Court.
The lawyers face fell, but ne brac-
ed up and went on, wlthouta smile.
'Do you know the nature of an
oath ?" ne asked spitefully.
"Oh, yes l heard you damn the
Court yesterday on the street for
ruling against you, and | knew you
were not saying your prayers.
The Court looked at the lawyer,
the lawyer looked at the ceiling, and
the witness looked at ease.
'Confne the answer to the case, if
you please said the lawyer. Now
will you tell the court if you know
the PLAINTIFF
Yes, sir, 1 know her.
what do you know of her ?"
"More good than do of lawyer"
That's not what want to know"
II presume not,sir, continued the
witness softly.
Il want to know" shouted the
now exasperated questioner, bringing
his fist down on the table, ''if you
know anything about the case be-
fore Court"
more than you do. possibly"
well, tell it to the Court, and
have done with it."
Thanks. know, your honor, that
Joseph Hill the defendant, asked
Mary Jackson the plaintiff, if she
would be his wife. 1t was done in
my presence.
"Indeed Isn't that rather an un-
usual way ofpopping the question:"
II don't know, sir. | have had
no experience. L happened to be
present because l came into the
room Unexpectedly and found the
plaintiff sitting in the defendants
lap, and he to show me that she
had right to save the furniture in
that way, asked her again to be his
wife, as he had already done a week
earlier"
by the way, Miss Martin, how
much does the plaintiff weigh p
''One hundred and forty pounds
sir"
How do you know so exactly ?n
"By the weight OF course,n she
smiled and the LAWYER went off on
another track.
''Did you think the defendant ~as
telling you the truth ?"
''oh, yes; you know he is not a
lawyer"
"Fhe witness will confne herself
to the facts, interrupted the Court.
Very well, your Honor, shall
pay no more attention to the state
ments of the attorney"
"That will do" said the provoked
lawyer. "The witness may now
stand down"
''May it please the Court she re
piled, "the witness would like to sit
down.
"The Sheriff will please provide
the witness with a chair" said the
Court. 'She seems to have sat down
on everything else in the courtroom,
and the Court sees no good reason
why a chair should be exempt"
The witness smiled placidly and
took the chair to await another call
to the stand"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
The Great Majority.

"No, it isn't the tramps l COM
plain of" said a Wayne county
farmer, as be called for ginger ale
yesterday. Il can drive tramp off
by simply bringing out my shotgun,
but with this other class it is differ
ent."
What class ?"
"Why, these busted theatrical
people who are hoofng it back to
Detroit. They come along at all
hours of the day and night, and in
all sorts of shapes. When a fellow
turns into your gate and announces
that be is Damon, and that Pytbias
is in fence corner half mile back,
too far gone to foot another rod. and
he backs this up by quoting Shakes
peare aud giving you the route of
his company for four weeks, why,
you've got to do something
"Of course
Romeo came along the other day
and reused me up, and went out
to find Juliet sitting on the grass
under a pear tree, resting after a
walk of twenty-five miles. They
had to have something 10 stay their
stomachs and put new life into 'em,
and | thought they'd eat me out Of
house and home. I've had leading
men, leading ladies, Williams, lovers,
chambermaid, and property men
walk in on me singly and by droves,
and / wish the season was over.
Curious how they all tell the same
story"
What is il ?"
"Why, they had the boss play and
the keenest manager. Everything
was calculated right down to a cent,
company was the best ON the road,
and there couldn't be no such thing
as failure. But there was. Treasurer
skipped with the funds-weather too
hot-too many roller rinks-allus
some good reason for Dustin up.
Poor critters Whenever | am woke
up at night by a voice calling out:
Me lord, a stranger begs glass of
buttermilk of thee / git into my
clothes and 90 down, feeling as if
all the cold meat in the house like
wise belonged to him."
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
The Origin OF Opium.

According TO the Bengal legend,
there once lived on the banks of the
holy river Hanga a rishi, or sage,
in whose hut, made of palm leaves
was a mouse, which became favor
ite with the seer and was endowed
by him with the power of speech,
After a while the mouse, having
been frightened by cat, at its ear
nest solicitation was changed by the
rishi into cat; then, alarmed by.
dogs, into a dog; then into an ape,
then into a bear, then into an ele-
phant, and finally, being still dis
contented with its lot, into a beauti-
full maiden, to whom the sage gave
the name of "Postomani," or the
'poppy-seed-lady."
One day, while tending her plants,
the King approached the rishI's cot
tage, and was invited to rest and re-
fresh himself by Postomani, who
offered him some delicious fruit.
The King, however, struck by her
great beauty, refused to eat until
she had told him her parentage.
Postomani, to deceive the King, told
him she was Princess whom the
rishi had found in the woods and
brought up. The upshot was that
the King made love to the girl, and
they were married by the holy-sage.
She was treated as the favor.te
Queen, and was very happy but one
day. while standing by well, she
turned giddy and fell into the water
and died. The rishi then appear
ed before the King and begged him
not to give way to consuming grief,
assuring him that the late Queen
was not of royal blood.
Said he: ''She was 4 mouse, and
according to her own wish / chang
ed her successfully into cat, dog,
an ape, Il bear, an elephant and a
lovely girl. Let her body remain
in the we'll; fill up the well with
earth. Out of her flesh and bones
will grow tree which shall be call
ed after her. 'Poso,' that is, the pop
py tree From this tree will be OBJ
tained drug called opium which
will be either swallowed or smoked
until the end OF time. The opium
swallower or smoker will have one
quality of each of the animals to
which Postomani was transferred.
He will be mischievous like a mouse,
fond of milk like a cat, or quarrel
some like a dog, filthy like an ape,
savage like a bear and high-temper-
ed like a queen"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
disappointed in the President.

The late Postmaster at May
Bloom, Ark. has written letter to
President Cleveland, in which be
says: "I don't care nothin' for the
money that's in this Office. A dol
dar an a half a year amt no more
to me than s. cents is to you. but i
don't want to be fooled with. Short
ly airter you tuck. your seat man
wanted to bet me that you wouldn't
be in office more'n year till you
would make some big mistake.
bet him a COW. Airter i got your
notice tellin' me to get out, | driy
the COW over to the feller's house an
told him he had won her. You not
only cut a mans pride, but you
break him up in business. | believe
you take pleasure in maxim feller
feel bad, an / don't believe you're
much Nv a Democrat nohow.'
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
THE ORIGIN OF .saEoL.

Twas lodge night in Eden and Eve was
alone
A vision of beauty. The glad stars shone
On her wondrous charms, and with tireiess
eyes
They studied her form while they studied
the skies.
The moon DER the picture her fair face bent,
And fingered till the last quarter was spent,
But Eve, regardless of moon or stars,
Ofblushing Venus or staring Mars,
OF Zephyr's kisses, Aurora's play,
Or the nude design of her polonaise.
Alone in her splendor did patiently wait
With uplifted poker behind the front gate.
But the moon and the stars saw different
From their lofty arch on that self-same
night
Doubtfnlly nearing his own abode,
His progress including both sides of the
road,
His person bedabbled with dirt and with
dew,
With hair in disorder and fig-leaf askew,
Behold Father Adam, coming from town.
He muttered qneer things to objects around
And said to the moon SO soft and meek:
''G'long, you was full yourself las week"
And something he ruefully murmured then
Still uttered with dread by the sons of men,
Was heard by the orbs in the listening dome
She-oI gimme fIie devil when 7 pef home ~
w. W. Potter, in the Buffalo Neirs.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
How to Hiring Good Times.

Economy and the paying of debts
have for two years been the order
all along the line, until to-day there
is less borrowed capital and more
capital lying idle for want of place
for investment than ever before.
What is needed now is simply con-
fdence in the conduct of public af-
iairs. Pesky and petty politicians,
whether horizontal or upright,
should stop their threats about inter
fering with the business of the coun-
try through visionary schemes in
the interest CT foreign manufacture
ers and capitalists. They viii amount
to nothing but disturbing agents,
while the Republican Senate stands
as wall between them and mis-
chief.-Mter Ocean.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
rhus Runs the World Away

Nurse to fashionable mother
The baby is very restless. ma'am.
/ can't do anything with her.
F. M.-She's teething. / suppose
N.-Yes'm. / think if you was to
take her in your arms a little while
it might soothe her.
F. MI? Impossible. / haven't
the time to spare l am just max
ing ready to attend q meeting of the
Society for the Prevention of Cruel
ty to Children. Give baby some
paregoric. @
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09

Livery stable keepers shonld al
ways keep Arnica and Oil Liniment
in the stable. nothing like it for
horses. For Sale by c. N. Boyd,
Somerset, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09

Nearly two hundred thousand
pounds OF grasshoppers have been
killed in the several districts of Mex
leo troubled by the pests.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09

Arnica & Oil Liniment is equally
good for man and beast. 25 and so
cents per bottle. For sale by e. N.
Boyd.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
CHARGES MODERATE.

Parties wishing to send money West can be &C
cemmodated by draft on New York In any sum.
Collections made with promptness. U. S. Bonds
bought and sold. Money and valuables secured
BY one Of Diehold's celebrated safes with . Sar-
gent h Yale $50 % time lock.
ACCOUNTS SOLICITED.
A1An legal holidays observed.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09
MITCHELL WAGON,

Which I selling will certify to my statement that
they are the VERY BEST Farm Wagon made They in
general in nearly every country the face of the
globe, and adapted every variety of climate 1t
knowedged by all to be the best proporoned best roned
best finished and lghtes running wagon made present
few facts that should be read by farmer about the Mitch
ell Wagons
1st Great taken in selecting only the best timber
that grows which at the proper of the and
piled under sheds until thoroughly seasoned The himbe-
ens much heavier than any other skens and
therefore less liable break The hubs dodgemortis
ed which makes the strongest and most durable wheel that
be constructed f. The patent boxcoupg used only by
this Company the wearing and weakening of the
axle ). The MITCHELL WAGON stands to-day at the
head and front of all competitors and known far and wide
the strongest and durable unequad in quality and
nh monarch of the road wherever known and used
Don't fail give call, and the wagon for yourself
Remember for the next NINETY DAYS l am selling these
at greatly prices 1t will pay you to buy of
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-09-09

A pair Of pants-two tired dogs
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
CHRISTMAS CAROLS.
About the Last of the Festivals in
Honor Of ST. Nicholas.

About the Last of the Festivals in
Honor Of St. Nicholas.
There was pleasant Christmas enter
tainment at Woodland Baptist church last
night. The neat little church was prettily
decorated with egergreens and about two
hundred people were present. The exer-
cises consisted of recitations and singing by
the children, assisted by the older members
of the Sunday school. Rev. Hubert G.
Woods, D. D., conducted the exercises and
he entered into thework with Lively spirit.
AT FORT SMELLING.
The Christmas festivities at Fort Smelling
were yesterday evening brought to a most
enjoyable conclusion by Christmas tree
and program of exercises especially in
stituted for the amusement and instruction
of the children resident upon the military
reservation. The new school house was
beautifully fitted Up for the occasion, the
decorations displaying many unique and
costly novelties. The Christmas tree was
an exceptionally beautiful one in point of
dressing and display and under its myriad
of lights was imposing in the extreme.
The entertainment opened with Christ
mas carol by the Sunday school children
which was very nicely rendered, the voices
blending well and the chorus being very
evenly balanced An address by Col. E
G. Mason, of Gen. Terry's staff, followed.
Col. Mason spoke most eloquently, speaking
of the beautiful traditions that fingered
around the Christmas festival. All hearts
turn at this time to the rocky hill in Bethle-
hem, and generous hearts and kind hands
provide gifts reminding friends of the greatest
of all gifts.
The program was enlivened by music by
the Twenty-fifth infantry orchestra and
magic lantern exhibition. The entertain
ment was In charge of Lieut. George
Andrews, Lieut.. Walter Howe, Lieut., A.
B. johnson, Mrs. Frank d. Smith, Mrs. D.
B. Wilson and Miss Frances Terry.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30

resident of New Albany, Ind, are at the
Ryan.
Hon. A. NJ. Fridley and II. G. Fridley are
at the Merchants.
Sheriff Odell of Kandiyohi county was q
visitor at the capitol yesterday.
Hon. j. A. Wilson Of Brainerd was regis
tered yesterday at the Merchants.
John Holden, P. G. Field, Litchf1eld. and G.
M. Seaman, Granite Falls, are at the Ryan.
j. M. Graham of jamestown, OAK, division
superintendent of the Northern Pacific rail
way, is stopping at the Merchants.
Hon. T. +. Coffin of Iowa; Hon. L. L. Bax-
ter, Fergus Falls; Horace w. Pratt and wife
OF Faribault were at the Merchants yester-
day.
II. 7. Gillett. Winona; o. Whitman, Red
wing; Howard Morris, Milwaukee,; Fl. S.
Holt, Toronto; H. W. Alexander, Dakota,
were late arrivals at the Ryan yesterday.
J, P. Heatwold, editor of the Mortified
news and president of the Northfeld, Kasota
q Great Western Railroad company, was at
the capitol yesterday visiting the railroad
commissioners.
Reuben Dorsey, st. Cloud; J. H. Cook,
Northfeld; Il w. Holmes, Huron, Oak; P.
Wollstein, Farbault; H. Sherman, Miss Sher-
man, Rochester; ]. NJ. Roach, E. p. Rhodes,
Moorhead. are among the arrivals at the
Ryan.
e. T. Jefery, general manager; c. A. Beck,
general superintendent; H. Tucker, general
freight agent; NJ. Gilleas, superintendent
Iowa division; H. Schlacks, superintendent
machinery, and A. HI. Hanson, general pas
senger agent of the Illinois Central railroad,
arrived last evening and are quartered at the
Ryan.
Lizzie May Ulmer and fifteen members of
her company arrived in the city from Omaha
yesterday. On account of the indisposition
OF Miss Ulmer the company have Cancelled
their dates for the present week and will re-
main at the Merchants until Friday, when
they will play at Saltwater, providing Miss
Timer has sufficiently recovered.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
LEFT WITHOUT A HOME.
A Woman Deserted by Her Husband
Without Money.

Patrick Sweeney, who resides On Pacific
avenue, came to the mayors Office yester-
day and told pitiful story covering case
of seduction, marriage and desertion, in
the neighborhood of his residence. At
midnight about three weeks ago he was
awakened by some one knocking at his door
and answering the summons, he found a
woman standing in the sharp night air pro-
tected only by thin night dress. She
plaintively appealed for shelter and she
was taken in and cared for by the mans
wife. She had been in the house but
s. ort time when she gave birth to an infant
and it was learned from her that she had
been married a month before to
bOilermaker by the name of Mat Bugh,
formerly employed by the Kenny brothers,
and that few days before he had deserted
her, leaving her in destitute condition.
MI. Sweeney is laboring man and has
family to support. but the comforts of his
home have been shared with the unfortu-
nate woman until yesterday, when he re-
ported the case to the mayor, who referred
him to the board Of control, where relief
will probably be given the woman.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
The Jewish Tabernacle.

The Rev. M. D. Terwilger had on the
fnll robe of a Jewish high priest in Jackson
street church last evening, and he exhibited
model of the tabernacle and explained
much of its symbolism. The purple and
white head gear, the flowing gown, the
girdle. breastplate with gold decoration and
little bells hung on his garment made rather
queer looking picture. About fifty were
present. The tabernacle was located in
one corner of the church, little tent with
the numerous curtains and drapings made
according to the Bible description of the
one the Israelites had. About the taber-
nacle was the court within white linen
fence. The speaker stood within this and
spoke for n hour of it's various parts and
their meaning. The exercise was very en-
tertaining and rather unique.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30

Paul branch of the league, as to the basis
of representation in the Chicago convention.
Mr.. Bell was also made chairman Of COM
mittee of seven, to be named later, to ar
range for mass meeting in the interests
of lrelands cause, to be held about Feb. 1.
Several new members were taken into the
organization and Hon. g. Ill.
Lienau and Capt. James Star
key were made honorary members
of it. j. P. Fortune sang one or two
songs and made short speech. He spoke
in particular of the postponement of the
Chicago convention, at which Parnell is
expected to be present, and said he believed
Mr.. Parnell had made the request, for the
reason that he did not care to announce
himself ON certain points of his future
policy, as he would be expected to do at
the Chicago meeting so early in the game.
The speaker believed that Gladstone was
tricky in his acts regarding Ireland, and
said that he must be met on his own
grounds. Mr.. McMann favored the meet
ing by singing ''The Minstrel Boy to the
War Has Gone" and brief speeches were
made by one or two volunteers.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
INSTALLATION OF OFFICERS.
A Happy Evening at Summit Lodge.
A. f. aud A. Nj.

Summit lodge No. 1863, A. F. and A. NJ,
looked very CHEEKY last night on the occa-
sion of the installation of the officers
elected. There were about seventy people
present, among whom were many ladies.
The installation ceremonies were very inn
pressive, being interspersed with vocal mu
sic. The following officers were installed:
John A. Berkey, W. NJ; Charles S.
Bunker, S. W.; Elias D. Libbey,
j. W.: A. NJ. Peabody, treas
urer; P. A. Bergsma. secretary.
DR.. Leasure presented R. B. Ware with the
past masters jewel, a beautiful badge, in
words of praise of the character and energy
of the man on whom it was bestowed. The
presentation was surprise to the recipient,
and he would only reply with few words
of thanks. Chaplain Marvin addressed the
people on the subject of Free Masonry and
his remarks were very clever and sparkling
with wit. The ceremonies were conducted
by E. L. Fryer. At 10 o'clock the exercises
closed with the congregational singing Of
'.Auld Lang Syne."
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
NOTHING WANTED BUT ICE.
Mr.. Hutchinson Arrives and i.
Ready to Build tho Palace.

''This weather is rather SURPRISE" said
Mr.. J. II. Hutchinson of Montreal, builder,
yesterday. ''for when l left Montreal three
days ago there was ten inches of snow, and
it was good ice palace weather. I was ex-
pecting to begin work at once, but it's too
warm. If the thermometer would drop to
zoe below zero for three or four days, that
would be all that is necessary. While we
are waiting, however, there will be enough
to do in general preparation, and if it holds
warm week longer we need not remain
idle. The Montreal people are considerably
interested in ST. Paul's carnival. and I shall
keep the papers there informed as matters
of interest come up. There viii be some
visitors here from Montreal, but they will
be mostly in scattered parties, as there are
so many winter sports there even without a
carnival, and the distance is so great that
few or no clubs will come. But you may
look for visitors from the South in large
numbers"
Mr.. Hutchinson will remain in the city
for some time, and the outside work on the
park will receive many suggestions from
him. AS to the palace itself there is no
preparatory work to be done on it. he says,
all that can be done is to wait for the ice
and then begin building.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
He Will BE Extradited.

Yesterday afternoon United States Com
missioner Spencer gave his decision in the
Kelly extradition case, holding the prisoner.
The papers in the case will be arranged and
forwarded by the commissioner to the secre-
tary of state at Washington, who will
finally dispose of the matter so far as the
United States is concerned. Advocate
Spragge said that the necessary steps would
be taken as soon as possible, but at the
shortest it would probably be two or three
weeks before Kelly could be removed.
Kelly appeared somewhat surprised at the
decision Of the commissioner, and said it
probably settled his case and he would have
to swing, as he would stand no show in
British Columbia. He had expected that
the alibi had been clearly proven.