Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-02-20
THE ALARM.
"Burglarsl" cried Mr.. Jones.

Burglars" screamed the Misses
Jones. Burglars" screamed Master
Jones, as one after the other lights
flashed in the upper rooms and hastily
draped forms appeared at the bedroom
doors like the signal figures of ba-
rometer.
Jones and son, following each other
down stairs, one with a poker and the
other with a croquet-mallet, found the
street door open, saw a silk umbrella
and two hats vanishing around the
corner, and yelled police" but only
the echoes answered; and, after
careful search Of the house and some
lamentations over the hats and UNI
brella, the Jones family returned to
their pillows, though each one declared
next morning that he or she had not
closed an eye.
"And the worst of it is" said Mrs.
Jones, they'll be here again. Whel
they s''aFS ai~ays aasddT,it DO It. :" ent@r : -
II know a fellow who has splef-
did dog that he'll SELL" said Master
Jones. "The fercest fellow; bite
piece out of you as soon as look at
you. I'll get him if you like, and we
can turn him into the hall nights"
Thank you," said Mrs Jones. "Id
as soon have my throat cut by bur
glars as be torn to pieces by a savage
dog"
"But he'd know us all in a few
days" said young Jones "Pa, don't
you think it's the best planl-the big
gest fellow; you ought to hear him
howl"
"a dog is impossible in a city house
with only four feet of garden ground,
said MIR. Jones; "but iii buy an alarm
and pistol, and keep it loaded under
my pillow"
"Then | shall sleep elsewhere" said
Mrs. Jones. mo, III sit up all night
every night until l die, before that
shall be done"
"All women are idiots" said Mr..
Jones.
"All men are crazy, said Mrs Jones.
"But you shall have your way and
shoot your family if you like. That
always comes of having firearms
about"
'Let them come in and murder us,
then" said Mr.. Jones. 81 suppose
you object to the alarm, too"
But finally the alarm was decided
upon and purchased and attached to
all the doors and windows on the
lower floor, and two days after this
was done Mr. Jones, being obliged to
leave home on business, congratulated
himself upon his promptitude Of action.
with this alarm you are quite safe,
my dear" he said, as he took his de-
parture. "The minute you hear it
open the windows and scream for the
policemen"
Mr.. Jones then stepped into the car
rlage, which whirled him to the train,
which conveyed him to distant city
There he became very much occupied
with certain important affairs, and
when he had been absent month for
got all about the burglars, as well as
all about the alarm.
The letters from home did not men,
tion it, and so it passed entirely from
his memory; and, as at last he found
himself on his homeward way upon a
night train, which he had taken quite
unexpectedly-for he had written the
day before that he should not be back
for a week-it occurred to him that
his arrival would be delightful sur
prise for the family. lie had his F
iatch-key with him, and he quite F
chuckled over the thought Of letting
himself in and being found snug in
bed next morning.
won't there be timer said he to
himself. Mall scream. Theglrls-I
can hear 'em laugh. And Sam will
pretend not to be astonished-ha ha,
hal'
So, with his portmanteau in his
hand, Mr.. Jones, having reached
home, ascended the steps of his domi-
cile and deliberately but softly pro-
ceeded to open his front door,