The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-04-10
miscellaneous.
Hiram Jenkins Mistake.

Hiram jenkins drove slowly up the hill
road that led to the firm house of Deacon
Bates 1t was plain even to the casual oh
server that the errand he was on was of no
common Importance. No man would have
arrayed himself so gorgeously simply for a
purchase of II tub of fall butter or yoke of
steers. His hair was in state of distressing
smoothness, and seemed almost part OF the
glossy hat which covered il. His coat and
pantaloons were marvellous in their way, and
his boots, which had been deliberately black.
ed, reflected the rays of the setting sun
in manner perfectly binding to the behold
er. And yet, Notwithstanding his superiori-
ty in all these respects to the lilies of the field,
there was apparent in his actions a singular
sort of nervousness, a trepidation almost,
which rendered his appearance at once ridi
culous and awkward. This trepidation was
in no wise lessened by the sudden vision of
red headed urchin watching him from the
indoor, and who as the team approached,
with an ever widening grin, sped off in the
direction of the farm house and disappear
ed Il rough the kitchen door. Hiram was
conscious minute afterwards of being the
target for half dozen pair of eyes from the
sitling-room windows, and it required extra
ordinary strength ofmind on his part to drive
past the house to the shade where the horses
of all visitors were hitched. There are few
more awkward things to do than to get out
or in carriage when women are watching,
and though Hiram had probably never
thought Of the fact before, he fully experience
cd its truth, as, endeavoring TO spring gently
from the buggy, his foot slipped on the
wheel and he came down on his hands and
knees in the dirt. His remarks as he scram-
bled to his feet were confined to one word,
but that, though short, was the most express
i've one in the English language.
"Pll have TO go round to the barn pump
and wash my hands before can go in" he
said to himself. 81 suppose they are having
their fun out ofme in the house now. Con.
found it, wish hadn't started !"
AS he passed the door of the horse-barn
which was partly open he heard the sound
of voices. He listened and his heart sank as
he recognized the tone of his rival, Elnathan
Rogers.
II want her bad" he was saying. "Shc
just suits me. You can't always have her,
you know, and you'd better call the thing
settled"
~ don't know about that" answered the
deacon doubtfuly. "Ive always said, come
what would, wouldn't part with Jenny
But you hang ON 50, don't know"
"Say it's a btgain. deacon. I've thought it
over good while, and Jenny l must have
I'll treat her well you may be sure of that"
The deacon hesilated, blew his nose, and
finally said
She's gots some little tricks that nobody
knows nothing about but me, and don't
want to impose upon neiglbor"
"Oh, pslaw that's only an excuse, deacon.
I'm willing to risk il"
"She kicked lne in the stomach last winter,
and bit little Sammy not mort six weeks
ago. can show you the scar now"
"Great king i thought Hiram, land here
was going to pop the question this very
night. Who would have thought i'll"
"Ill take that out of her." said Elnathan,
continuing the conversation. "If she so
much as lifts her foot against me, I'll give
her lickin' that il last a month"
click ~ calculated Hiram to himself, aston
ished beyond measure. Lick Jenny Bates
Well, this goes ahead of anything l ever
heard of. And the old man doesn't say a
word! What neXtP'
A pause ensued, which was at last broken
by the deacon:
"Well, if you must have her, you must.
expect the old lady'll want something to say
about it, though. She thinks as much of
Jenny rs do. Won't you come into the
house p
Mot now. I've got to go down to the
village before dark. I'll be round some time
| to morrow"
Hiram jenkins waited until he saw his
successful rival climb the fence between the
farms Then he deliberately unhitched his
| horse got into his wagon and drove off,
| never cas- ing n look towards the window
where the fair Jenny sat 10 walchful expecta.
| ton. Not until he reached his own door
| did he draw long breath.
ut seems just like dream" said he to
himself us he slowly unbucklrd the harness.
| ITO think of Jenny Bates kicking her own
father and biting her own brother, and she
| looks as though butter wouldn't melt in her
mouth It's just as mean, though, in the
deacon to lick as It's for her to kick. The
old hypocritel Well, must say I'm nightly
d, ceived in the Bateses spose Elnathan
| Rogers feels cranky enough now he's got her.
just hope she'll kick his head of. Lucky
| for me overheard what did"
| Notwithstanding this self congratulation,
| Hiram felt all the pangs of disappointment
and jealousy. He had not only lost his
"girl," but had been cut in the most mortfy-
| ing manner 10y a man he held in thorough
contempt. He felt that even with what he
knew of Jenny's faults, if he could gain hei
hand be would carry her off in spite of his
rival or the deacon either.
A week passed by, and Jenny was never
ont of Hiram's thOuphts One day he went