St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1885-03-26
The Alarm.

the upper rooms and hastily draped
forms appeared at the bedroom doors
like the signal figures of barometer.
Jones and son. following each other
down stairs, one with poker and the
other with croquet-mallet, found the
street door open, saw a silk umbrella
and two hats vanishing around the
corner, and yelled ''pOice ~ but only
the echoes answered and, after a care
full search of the house and some lam
eHtatiOns over the hats and umbrella,
the Jones family returned to their pill
lows, though each one declared next
morning that he or she had not closed
an eve.
"And the worst of 1t is" said Mrs.
Jones, they'll be here again. When
burglars determine to enter "a house
they al ways do it,"
II know fellow who has a splendid
dog that he'll sell" said Master Jones.
'The fiercest fellow bite a piece out
of You as soon as look at you. I'll get
Linn if YOU like, and we can turn him
into the hall nights"
"Thank YOU" said Mrs. Jones. ''I'd
as soon have my throat cut by burglars
as be torn to pieces 10y savage dog"
"But he'd know us all in II few days."
said Young Jones. "Pa, don't you
think it's the best plan the biggest
fellow you ought TO hear him howl"
"a dog is impossible in city house
with only four feet of garden ground"
said Mr.. Jones "but I'll buy an alarm
and pistol, and keep it loaded under
my pillow"
"Then shall sleep elsewhere" said
Mrs. Jones. "NO, III sit up all night
every night until l die, before that
shall be done"
"All women are idiots" said Mr..
Jones.
''All men are crazy" said Mrs. Jones.
"But You shall have your way and
shoot your family if you like. That
always comes of having firearms
about"
LET them come i'll and murder us
then" said Mr.. Jones. Il suppose
you object to the alarm, too"
But finally the alarm was decided
upon and purchased and attached to
all the doors and windows on the lower
floor, and two days after this was done
Mr.. Jones, being obliged to leave home
on business, congratulated himself up
on his promptitude of action.
"With this alarm you are quite safe,
my DEAR he said, as he took his de
parture. ''The minute you hear it,
open the windows and scream for the
policemen"
Mr.. Jones then stepped into the car
riage, which whirled him to the train,
which conveyed him to distant city
There he became very much occupied
with certain important affairs, and
when he had been absent a month for
got all about the burglars, as well as
all about the alarm.
The letters from home did not men
ton it. and so it passed entirely from
his memory; and, as at last he found
himself on his way home upon night
train, which he had taken quite un-
expectedly-for he had written the
day before that he should not he back
for a week-it occurred to him that
his arrival would be delightful sur
prise for the family. He had his latch
key with him, and he quite chuckled
over the thought of letting himself in
and being found snug in bed the next
morning.
Wont there be a time - said he to
himself. "Man scream. The girls
| can hear 'em laugh. And Sam will
pretend not to be astOnished-ha ha,
haw
SO, with his portmanteau in his
hand, Mr.. Jones, having reached
home, assembled the steps of his dOmi-
cile and deliberately but softly pro-
ceeded to open his front door.
As he did so the alarm was sprung,
a racket and jingle filed the house,
and simultaneously with that, AIRS.
Jones, the Misses Jones, Master Jones,
the cook, the chambermaid, and the
waiter thrust their heads out of their
respective windows and screamed "PO-
lice -
Almost as they did so two clubs
struck the pavement and two giants in
uniform seized Mr.. Jones by the arms.
''Ah, got you this time" cried one
of them. "We've been looking for
you for some time, too"
"Let me CO. said Mr.. Jones. 81
live here. It's mistake"
yes, I've no doubt it's mistake"
said the policeman.
"But tell them-tell them; let me
offer proof" pleaded Mr.. Jones. ''They
all know me tell them it's Mr. Jones'"
"He says it's Mr.. JONES'" cried the
policeman to Il nightcap aud shawl at
the window.
"My husband is in Chicago" said
Mrs. Jones.
But she peeped ont nervOusly. How
ever, she did not recognize her hus-
band. Mr.. Jones had left home in
tall hat and Overcoat, but during his
absence he had unfortunately purchas-
ed a travelling "ulster," that touched
ms heels, and a cap. He wore both,
as was natural upon IA midnight jour
ney.
mo, ! never saw that object before"
said Mrs. Jones. "Do take him away"
You'll appear tomorrow 2" said the
policeman. you'll appear against
him, ma'am p
Decidedly. | shall consider it my
duty" said the lady, and shut the !
window.
Then Jones demonstrated with the |
policeman, and begged to have Mr.. |
Smith next door called, and was told /
to- hold his tongue. Jones was not /
mild man. In a few minutes his wrath 1
boiled over he attacked tho police
man with his umbrella bravely and /
was defeated. He arrived at the sta
ton house with black eve and
bruise on his forehead, and frothing at
the mouth with rage, and was locked
up after having been recognized by
several experts as ''Tommy the Tap
ner.r a noted burglar, for whose arrest
a large reward was offered. His valise