Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-02-11
pLEASANTRIES.

Ssnu 10 d-W1l1lu - ll10s
AT dessert-tim magnificent cake
is placed upon the table, to the uncon-
cealed delight of the young tyrant of
the household. "Oh," he cries in rapt-
ure, "give me some of that cake-plenty
of it-too much of it, pleased"
At little dinner party the husband,
while carving a fowl, let's wing fall on
the floor. "Do be quickl" his wife cries,
cor Ponto1l get it. He's justrun under
the table after it'll" Gall right, my
DEAR" says the husband, with great
presence of mind, Give put my foot on
it,"
The loving wife of dealer in city
milk was looking for a present for her
husband. She remarked to a friend ::
Il want to get something new-novel-
for him." "In that case" said the friend,
who was buyer Of the husband, 1T
would give him cow Providence
(R. t. News.
1--WE got new job" said a young
man, the other day. whats that ?"
SIN going to be detective in the
Philadelphia mint; and my girl says
she likes me better now than ever, and
that I'm good enough to eat now"
"How SOP" ooh, because she's always
very fond of mint spy Boston
Courier.
WHAT do you think of Mr.. Thomp-
son, map "He seems to be very nice,
but I would not encourage him if were
you" "Why, mammal" "He has red
hair. and red-headed men are always
deceitful." "But papa has red hair"
SWELL, not quite red, child. It's quite
red enough, though San Francisco
Chronicle.
FIRST Dude-"Aw, Chawley, my
dear boy, what wattlin' pace you are
goin' this mornin'" Second Dude
saw, yes, FitzuoodIe, my dear fellow.
Don't detwain me. I'm hard at work.
This is the busiest season of the year
to me- "By Jove, Chawley, what are
You doin'?" I'm dodgin' my cred
itors."- Philadelphia Call.
II WAS rich once and drank wine,"
said tramp as he poured out a stiff
drink of gin. when was that?" de-
manded the bartender. "A good while
ago." he replied, wiping away a tear.
Well, what are you crying about ?" 81
am crying to think what fool l was to
drink wine when / might just as well
have had gin. . Detroit Post.
The teacher was trying to teach the
boy something about navigation. "Now,
suppose your father should start to-mor
row morning to walk across the river
could he do it?" "No, sir" "Of course
not" said the teacher much encouraged;
@and why not?" "Because"- Eyes,
go on; because Because he's in
jail, sir. Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. BLINKER asked Matilda, the
house servant, few nights ago: "What
dreadful scratching is that out in the
kitchen? It must be the dog trying to
get in. never heard anything like it
in NY life" Oats no dog scratching
the doah. OATS de cook writin' a lub
letter to her honey-suckle, who works
ober in Chatham. . IKinderhcok
Rough Notes.
"I HAVE had horror all my life,
loctor, of being buried alive" said a
ick old lady to her physician. II am
ware that such feeling may seem
cry foolish, but I cannot help it. :"
Calm your fears, my dear Madame"
eplied the physician, reassuringly, sun
er my care you need have no appre-
ensions of being buried alive."-I New
.ork Times.
"MY diagnosis of your case shows me,
r, said young physician, "that your
constitution has become enfeebled
trough overwork. You need rest, alb
olute rest, to bring back your wasted
nergies to normal and healthy condi-
ion. What business are you IMP"
Ny wife keeps millinery establish
lent," replied the patient feebly.-
New York Sun,
A LIVING skeleton recently applied to
he president of medical college for
Employment. What can you do?"
sked the doctor. "Do you no any
hing about medicine?" "No," replied
he freak sadly. Are you strong
enough to work about the building?"
No" "Well, what can you do?" 81
idn'G know but I might be useful as a
demonstration of anatomy New York
Graphic.
IT is related that many years ago a
Mr.. Morgan, who represented West
meath in the House of Commons, when
Oh his first canvass called on Father
Mooney, an influential priest, and asked
him for his vote. The latter replied:
"Sir, I'd rather give it to the devil"
"But," said the candidate, "in the event
of your friend not coming forward for
the county, what then?" He got the
VOTE Buffalo Express.
AS the reporters were gathering the
names of the ladies at the masquerade
last evening, one of the latter entered,
dressed In an elegant costume. She
was Immediately approached by pen
cil-fend, who politely asked: "Your
name, please?" "My name is Miss
Brown" What is your character ?"
at has never been questioned. Young
man, you are little too fresh."- Sac
ramento (Cal.) Record Union.
He called for gin, and in a calm un-
embarrassed sort of way filed his
glass tc the brim. See here, NV
friend" expostulated the bartender,
@that is gin you are pouring out, not
water" The customer eyed him rebuk-
sno1v Owes +ba ton af the GLASS os bo