The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1885-01-06
In Despair.

In Despair.
Montefarious Glover, who, some
time ago, graduated from the medical
department of the Arkansas Univer
sity, has forwarded to the trustees the
following letter:
GENTLEMEN Every able.bodied
man may in time learn to chop wood
or scrape the spears of grass from the
tender cotton plant; he may. in time,
learn to shear sheep or lend valua'
bic aid at a hog-killing. but 1 do moi
think fate will take him by the shout.
ders and shove into the successful
practice of medicine The diploma
which you SO generously gave me,
please find herein enclosed. / have
handled it carefully. and l think that
it is quite as valuable now as it was
when received it from your hands.
u hen | came to this place and an.
bounced my intention of devoting my
energies to the health of Swamp
Range, the people extended to me
many congratulatory greetings, and !
had many reasons for feeling proud
that l had clutched the flowing skirts
of the curative goddess: but now I
am willing to sell, below cost, my
hand saw and carving knife. / gave
hardware man dollar and six bits
for the saw and one dollar for the
carving knife. l will take seven
ty-five cents for the lot. If you
know of student who wants a fine
kit of tools, please refer him to me.
perhaps 1 was too ambitious.
Doubtless | attempted to reap too
large harvest with too small sickle.
| have long known that medicine is
wearing the short ruffies ofexperiment.
Alas, that | tried to adorn il with a
checked shirt and a pair of flax
breeches! Placidly l sat in my log
Office awaiting my first call. The
sunlight of promise streamed through
the holes in the roof, and the dragon
fly, dipped in gauzy gold, buzzed
against the window-pane. The call
came. I was summoned to attend the
bloody bedside of man who had been
crushed by sawlog. The sufferer.
hearing that had been sent for, died
before [ arrived. | keenly felt the
insult, and was half tempted to cut of
his leg anyway F.; and would have done
50 had | not forgotten my saw.
Though somewhat discouraged, L re-
sumed my stool of patience. l soon
received another call. The dragon
fly of gauzy gold was not buzzing in
vain. Buckling on my Esculapian
armor, | marched forth to attend a
man who had been suffocated while
cleaning out we'll I saw no means
of relieving him, and instead of al
lowing him to recover l went to work
on him and soon had him laid out.
The next evening / visited a man who
had chills. / noticed that he did not
shake enough. We all agree, gentle
men, that it is proper for a man to
shake When he has chill; We know
that when he fails to shake, it is a
bsd sign. Realizing all this, | slipped
a piece of ice down his back. He
shook-he shook off the mortal coil. !
| then saw that l had given him an |
overdose of ice. Things went on in
this way until the wagon maker, who
made all the collins for the neighbor-
hood, would get out his lumber and |
90 to work every time he saw me
pass. He was making money at my
expense. ] proposed to levy tax
upon him, declaring that he should
not expect me to contribute so largely
TO his support, but he spoke roughly
70 me and made me long for chance
10 pay him a professional visit.
al tried honestly to create reform
within myself. / knew that people
must be taking exceptions to my
course, AMI decided to stop expert
nenting, and come down to the GER
sainties of practice. After this / lost
put one case. He got out of bed and
an away before / could get to him.
This was enough to disgust any one.
When L returned to my office, III