Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1885-08-22
CITY AND DISTRICT.


a WeDdefful PePfe1nanee Reported "a
the Departments Of Jasttes.
FHr DrsoovHnY o. A LxAHxxD Docron VINO
CLANS TO m ABLE 10 srnruLArD xIo
ou1Ncx BIZ NEANs OF ELEcrRo-PHoNKrIcs-
HOW MEN NAY BECOME ELOQUENT AT OH
DOLLAR a HEAD.
Among the letters which came to Attorney
General Garland the other day, was q
remarkable one from Sebastian county
Arkansas. The writer probably sent it 10
Ms Garland, believing that that gentle
man would take an interest In anything
from Arkansas and aid in developing the
wonders Of electrophonetics, which promises
70 shed such glory upon his state. THE STAR,
always ready to promote the interests OF
science, by reporting all discoveries or SUD
posed discoveries of value, gives space to some
extracts from the letter. The letter 4. descrip-
TIVE OF the effects Of "ElectroPhonetics
ern The Words Man pWonder,. and the writer says;
tEicity In the human body and then electrffy
talking and singing The application Of eIec.
trfeity to the sound of human voices will make
any song, text or subject interesting, animatine
ana lively. The doctor says that II h one Of the
simplest and easiest things In the world to
make electricity In the human body and then
twenty years Of hard work to make the dis
covery."
TIE ErrECr OF NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Az an Illustration of the great value Of this
wonderful discovery to the legal fraternity, the
writer says: 1.-TWO lawyers gave the doctor one
dollar piece for instructions In electro-phone-
tics, which they applied at the bar during
law suit between Bin smith and Parson Jones
In swapping horses. 1t only took the doctor
to generate electricity in the human body and
then charge the jury, judge court and the audi
T@st winter I'm Sebastian county. Ark. Bill
Smith and Parson Jones snapped horses. and
few days after Smith became dissatisfied with
the trade and sued Jones for $50 damage, and
then both employed lawyers. Both the law
yers reinforced their natural eloquence by
have been astonishing, even In Arkansas, judg-
Ing from the reports OF the speeches sent TO the
in other seC
ously known as "veivet," "corn.juice," "old
that the learned Arkansas doctor has STUN
hlsd BY accident upon some Of this finid, but
s tor sS that sbs IT r. tS,
duid have long been known in Arkansas, 50 the
theory referred to must be rejected.
the SPEECH FOR THE PLAINTIFF.
Smiths lawyer, after referring to the unwrit-
ten law regulating horse-trading, and the fact
that popular opinion condemned q man who
kicked" after getting the worst Of trade,
justified Smiths course in bringing suit in the
following swelling and eloquent sentences:
and issh my naked back with the tails Of ten
was not only cheated, but was robbed, de-
meni Of thousand bandits and highway rob rob
bers-the raging storms and cyclones that
sss ss s RI
vaults OF the eternal Heavens, could not have
brought By Parson Jones, the defendant at the
bar" fLong and continued cheering.I
After q pause, In which, it is supposed, the
electrified attorney took In another and fresh
charge Of the mysterious fluid, he proceeded:
ssmith II now like Prometheus bound to the
Sinai launched at him and the lightnings Of
terrible vengeance flashing In his face 1t is
enough TO make bis knees knock together, to
chill his blood and start each individual hair
OF his head upon It's end" A voice from the
Judge: 'Order! order in COURT! at is enough
I'm that place where are solemn groans and
hollow means, and shrieks of tortured ghost
EARTHQUAKES may growl below and promise to
the mountains and swallow millions; and then
you may gouge my eyes out and knock every
so1tn aoR R my t 1oa1 ~ his Zones qS not
After indulging In another series of dreadful
lied At the department, closed in the follow
Saentlemen Of the jury, if this trade is to
fion of Independence is a humbug-the wheels
Of civilization rolling in mud, and that Christ
Osna !. ihs dp o
"Now, in the name OF suffering humanity and
all the dead heroes OF our land and country, let
bosoms Of twelve true and good men that viii
send Parson Jones bowling and believing over
the granite hills and rugged mountains Of this
"Les IL come with all the force and power Of
volcanoes and hurricanes, for l tell you from
busted smith In swapping horses" Long and
Continued chseringJ
THE DEFENSE.
Though ono would suppose the English Ian
guags had been tired out In presenting the case
of the plaintiff, such IL the power at the COM
raand o( an adept in electro-phoneties that
Psrson Jones' lawyer replied in a speech quite
a. scathing and norcible in its way. "Bill
Smith, the plaintiff in the case" he said,
'swapped an old dopped-eared, long, poor.
lon the Suszards had played seven up for his
fsrcas ten years ago. Applause A horse that
has proven 70 be ungovernable and uncontrol-
witch bids defiance 70 the genius, skill and in
kenuity Of mortal man; q horse that might
n q mpSn the sWes. n scented at val al
from natures great reservoirs, and when night
green pastures and towering hills Of earth, you
might give corn, fodder and luscious hay until
tine 'aw Of ni and
upon terra nrma and Gabriel toot and blow his
horn thousand times before you could place
fat upon the bones of that horse lapplauseb for
which BIN Smith, the plaintiff, il praying and
s elm q you 70 give him Judgment Of ninety
After dwelling upon the eternal disgrace
which would attach to Arkansas courts, II a
verdict &h0uld be given to the plaintiff, the elo-
Quent advocate proceeded:
The Wind and the waves will blow and roll it
around the world echoing and re-echoing the
doloful news, that In the proud and noble state
q Arkansas q jury OF twelve men was found
that gave Judgment Of ninety dollars dam,
ages In swapping two Old plugs Of horses.
Chtldren yet unborn will rise up and ask their
fathenH Were you on that iury?' Tremendous
cheering and whooping.l In all coming time
when the voice Of the people shall elect their
the question win be put TO every member from
Sebsstian county: Were you on that iury.'
IThe judge-Order; order In the COURT Even
In the great halls Of Congress, amidst the wise
men OF the nation, our representatives will
have to suffer the deep disgrace and bumilia-
ton of being asked: Were you on that jury?" ,
IAppiause.l
The writer who reports these wonderful oc-
currences TO the department., says that DIR.
Bates will furnish fulf and written instruction
upon electro-phoneties at 81 for every appll-
can't. He fails to note what the verdict Of the
A Plea for the Horses.
To the Editor Of THE EVENING STAR:
In no city In the Union. believe, are horses
and mules so badly treated as In Washington;
nxz4 - g. -