Savannah morning news., 1885-02-19
BRIGHT BITS.

BUTLER is still scrapIng sand from his bread
that fell butter-side down. Phitddelphid
TImes.
THE Kansas ProhibitiOnist is dead, but St.
John still lives 1t Is now a case of all mon
key and no organ.-Peorid Transcript.
THE Pennsylvania doctors and undertakers
holG their conventions on the same day. AS
there is nobody to bury while the doctors are
away from their patlen :, the uudertakers
thus arrange things so as 10 lose 10 time
Louisville eCOuFierJOUrRGt.
WIFE-"What a number of ladies there was
at church this morning wearing scalskin
sacoues | counted no less than twenty =
seven" Husband (who won't see the point
DO you think that is the proper way to oc-
cupy ones mind while at church, l didn't
notice a single one" Wife-"NO one can
scarcely be expected to notice such things
when ones asleep. ."-Ne1n York Sun.
II FIND you guilty of robbery, and will give
YOU two wears in the State Prison. said the
austere Judge to the prisoner. who was sur
rounded by galaxy OF brilliant lawyers.
NOW, look "a here, Judge" replied the pris-
oner with a look at his array OF counsel,
..ain't YOU pretty hard on me? know a man
is Judged by the company he keeps; but you
must understand don't keep this kind of com
pany when Tm free. ."-Yonkers Statesman
BRIDGET Ito head Of the house)-The coach
man has elOped, soor.
Head of the hOuse-Great Caesar! My daugh-
ter. oh. my daughter.
Bridget-Shure an its not yer daughter it's
the missus.
Head of the hOuse-How long ago;
Bridgct-NOt folve minutes, so0r.
Head of the hOu e-TOO late! too late!
THE lady of the house was a handsome
woman of a mature order of beauty, and
when she had completed her toilet she gazed
fOndy at herself in the glass, and remarked
be as good loaking as l am, wouldn't you.
nowg" 'Yes'm; almost as much as you
would give to be as young as l am" IL Is
not believed that this epigrammatlc young
woman will be chosen again at the expiration
Of her present term.-LJe.
AFARMER in the eastern part of the State
missed couple Of his cows some time ago,
and diligent search and notices in the coun-
ty papers failed to bring them to light. es-
terday. however, while IN the held, nc noticed
a hole in ore side Of his pumpkin, and, on get
ting a lantern and going in, he found the lost
cows quietly eating pumpkin seeds and get
ting fat. The hole in the fruit was caused by
the rapid growth of the vines, which had
dragged it along over the ground for half a
mile.-hdnsGs TeetOtaler.
SAMv.HARRIs lives at Fort Worth. Neither
he nor his wife is very smart as will be seen
by the following incident: Last night sam
heard noise under his bed. There Is some
body under the bed, said sam to his wife
"It's Fldo, | guess" mo, think it's bur
glar." replied sam. "Just reach your hand
down and If it's Fido he will lick it," The
burglar, Tor II was one after all, overheard
the conversation, and when Sam reached his
hand down the burglar licked it all over very
affectiOnately. This was entirely satisfactory,
and they both went to sleep, but when they
woke mp next morning there was not much
left in the house that was worth carrying of.
-Tesds Siftin0S.
AN EPISODE OF MONDAY
Big umbrella,
Little man;
Runs as quickly
AS he can.
Breeze is blowing
Fearful gale;
Man is looking
Very pale.
Turns a corner,
Strikes cyclone;
Sudden ripping,
Heavy grOan.
Big umbrella
Inside out.
Little man up
Water spout.
". Y. Journal.