The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-05-14
THE MERRY SlDEI

q. B"
They are going to have a Bench Show" in Cincin-
NATL Of course they will all be ''bench-legged" dogs
How unreasonable. that men look for yellow butter
when the grass is green. And the men are sometimes
green, too.
College Society in Virginia elected Cleveland an
honorary member. but he declined the honor. Posi-
bly, he did not know what it meant.
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The Gallipnlis Bulletin jokes the jackson County
Republican on having twenty three announcements
in the Standard. Count them again, Brother.
DIR. Burchard preached his farewell sermon in New
York. few days ago. The Doctors departure pre-
sents the aspect of kicking hmsefout of sight.
Patti has just sailed for home with "a barrel OF
money! She got part of 1t by singing, and the rest
perhaps for the of her portrait in the Pears Soap
advertisement
young woman in Pennsylvania who had been
married weeks. eloped with a former lover. Thus
1t is that the honey moon may pass behind a
cloud.
young man sent postal-cara query to an editor
ito decide dispute" The editor replied that "the
way to decide dispute is to quit disputing."
I'D: Nixon has sh1rt-horn COW that gives I've gal
We don't know. We don't know whose COW
beats 1t.
The fru-tree liar has ont of business. the late
frost liar become discouraged. and the bighen'seg
liar defantly amid the verdure of gentle
Spring.
Leave this farm!'' yelled irate farmer to boy
who sing his place. 'Of course will ~ re-
piled the boy; ibid you think 1 goin ter pack
the old place off?',
'Doing a successful business" said old business
man. sis like pulling mp hill-requiring constant care
and effort. But after you begin slide down hill
comes the rapid travelling and fast display.''
"a
The Gear of Russia carries the sword but the Gar
ina seems to wear the spurs. IF she says fight, he
will Hght If she says peace, he will be meek and hap
py.
the funniest thing that taken place in the
Democra tic ranks in a long time is Allen o. Myers
writing TO Secretary Bayard that Capt. Putnam is
man of bad character.
The long-sufer ing and patient Democracy of Gin
cinnati be rewarded at last by a recognition
from the Government. There will be two Democrats
appointed janitors at the Postofice.
+x+
Two Chillicothp papers spatting about which
gives the news quickest and most fully. Papers
shonld let their readers judge of that matter The
1t himself.
Energy and perseverance qualities great val
TO most people, but not to the loafer who sat and
toied three hours, trying take string out of
piece of perforated board without breaking either.
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A poem is going the rounds of the papers, headed
Where Are The Wicked Buried 9' It's not much
where they're buried. where they're resurrected,
that becomes momentous question.
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There is entirely much hurrying in this world.
An Ohio young man so busy few days ago that
Picnic. on account of pressing engagements He was
engaged in a four-day contest on roller skates.
Harry Whitman of Portsmouth, while loading cars
with fire. brick for Chicago. shut his little in
a by mistake and knew nothing about 1t until the
little fellow reached Hamden. Harry probably
thought that boy was a "brick.'
Fitz-John Porter is going write for the Century
Magazine, paper on the Pennsylvania Campaign.
Fitz will perhaps present good paper-as he had
more time to write during the campaign than the OFF,
GERS who were fighting.
The trouble between the European powers may be
amicably adjusted. but comes the horrible news
of threatened war between the Base Ball Associa-
tons in the the United States. This will ruin the
money market and have wonderful effect on the
price of wheat.
A person never knows what hollow deception forms
the basis of society. The young man who smells so
sweetly of costly perfume has only been around to
drug and advertising card to carry
his pocket.
Cleveland has. had a narrow escape. While his
train was near Hanover. Pa. few nights ago. some
desperate villain fired three shots at the train" He
didn't fire at the the President in. though,
and they didn't really know whether he fired at the
train at all. It's dangerous thing to be great man.
An exchange, speaking of the firing upon the Pres
fdential train, says: "The President has been re-
exposed himself the train, he ought to be shot
oughtn't he?
Talk about the superior genius of man! Why. just
give a woman an old dry goods box. hatchet and a
few nails and she will manufacture chicken-coop.
and pig-pen and use up the scraps making picket
around dead flower.
Mrs. Eddy. the advocate of "Christian Science,
CUES that physical suffering exists largely If not
wholly in the mind. That may do. where the victim
is suffering from the music of hand-organ, but one
good square toothache kicks that theory out of
They arranged for Cleveland to visit Getty sburg.
with the hope that there would be enthusiastic
But he about appreciative the old lady who
was presented with cotton lamp-mat, and be-
gan to wipe her nose with it.
President Cleveland went with party of distin-
guished people view the Battle-Ground at Gettvs-
burg. few DAYS ago. and evidently took interest
in the Tvs proceedings Why should he be enthus-
ed? Did not his partv meet of the
of its history on that spot?
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chiropodist claims that human character is indi-
ted by the shape of the ootand selecting types OF
character by this method is never-failing. Taking
the general condition of the foot indication of
character, would have difficulty in selecting
some men of superhuman strength.
Club raidrd last week and AZ hats taken. >.
This is the first time ever heard of even Demo-
cratic club getting into such condition that they
would steal their own hats and mack them off and
hide them. The river water there should be di-
luted.
YOUNG MEN!-READ THIS.
THE VOLTAIC BELT Co., of Marshall,
Mich, offer to send their celebrated
ELECTRo-VoLTAIC BELT and other
ET ET,TPIc AppTJANcES on trial for thir-