The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-04-08
WIT AND HUMoR.

|
never tackled q railroad restaurant
turnover.
The authoress Of Somebody's Scum
ming When the Moon Peeps forth"
was the daughter Of night-cook in .
restaurant.
A doctor says: "Kissing is a purely
American habit Let us remember
this, dear brethren, and ever literally
patronize home industry.
A perfect rush of Italian artists with
their attendant original dudes is exc
pected in America in few days. The
organ-grinders are to be banished from
Paris.
| Chinese try to smuggle opium into
San Francisco by putting it into the
soles of their shoes. Shall the heather
be allowed to thus trample on our
LAVISH
! Yes said the schoolgirl, who had
risen from the lowest to the highest
position in her class, II shall have o
horseshoe for my symbol, as it denotes
having come from the foot"
Our bookkeeper, who has taken o live
ly interest in this Egyptian business,
says that the accounts are balanced
thus: England--All loss and no profit.
\ Mehdi-An prophet and no loss.
It is amusing 70 sees lady take out
her face-powder, the morning after .
ball, to sprinkle on her white silk dress
to cover the mud that the hackman left
on her train when he stepped on it.
!, Owing to the custom of having their
feet tightly bandaged when young,
Chinese women do not have to wear
their heels, in the middle Of their shoes
to make their pedal extremities look
small lL>s .SItj If
A timid young man has married .
lady whose weight verges closely upon
200 pounds. my dear" he says to
her, ''shall help you over the fenceP"
NO" says she to him, 'helP the
fence!p-i gOT .. l..
When servant says she is busting
room, you know THAT she means. She
will take "a feather-brush, and make
the dust fy from one article of furni.
ture to another, without making any.
thing cleaaer, Il ia
A 13-year-old girl of Amherst, Wis,
has only blue sp0ts ON her face where
her eyes should be. We have seen
such pheno1n before, particularly
after Fourth of July, Christmas and
elections. Teas SlftEags.
A gentleman. of Milesian descent was
overheard describing Colonel Ingersoll
as an. "amethyst." This reminds one
of the man who wrote to his friend:
''Dear John: / was mistaken. He is
not Swedenborgiah.' He is Norwe-
gian. mo- .as9u;
An old gentleman OF "a and his bride,
aged 72, entered q railway car the
other day and took aseat by the stove.
A youth, occupying E seat behind. says
he overheard the Following: Old gentle
man to his bride:. ''Who's q little
lambP" Bride: 4'Bofe of u.s."
Just like mamma (rather q startler
for fond parent, who is taking small
child out to tea). Small girl: "Oh!
you haven't got my pinafore." Pa: II
cannot help that, dear; we're late al
ready" Small girl: ''Oh, dear me, it's
sickening! You can never wait min
ute."
An advertisement in q New York
uGW6pdpCI ku6b q WA0OU WAA AASPOc0
of her late husbands medical diploma
gives strength to the assertion that
doctors may come and doctors may go,
but the parchments go on forever. Is
there anything that money viii not
buy?
A young theological student in Wash
ington applied for and received q place
on the laborers' roll. He was ordered
to do some scrubbing. but refused. ON
the ground that he only wanted some
place where he would have nothing to
do but support the constitution" and
draw his pay.
The Hartford Times denounces our
old and esteemed friend Goldfish as
''worm-eaten fraud Of the briny deep"
When an American thus turns upon
his native fodder, can we blame Bis
marck for turning his back upon the
curly-tailed darling of Western fashion,
IN y Com. Advertiser.
"HaVe you been much out this
season." asked young West Of young
Crimsonbeak at the club the other
evening. well, should say had"
replied the young blood addressed,
earnestly; II took that little Miss Ban
gerhar out to ball the other night and
I was out just $40r'- Yoaker STATES
man.
A gentleman who observed Jimmie
carefully taking the census Of ccm-
pany assembled in the parlor awaiting
a call TO supper, inquired, Why" re-
pied the urchin, with troubled air,
there's nine of US. counting me, and
mamma has gone and cut two pies into
quarters, and that only makes eight
pieces"
A woman who invaded West Bend, |
Wis, and claimed to be the proprietor |
OF the town and the whole country.
was declared to be crazy and taken
care of by the town officials. This
furnishes q precedent for locking up |
the railroad men who labor under the
delusion that they own the earth
Boston GIobs.
'.Pa, am I q coloneiP" asked little |
Annie Wallace the other evening. |
'Why, NO, my daughter. What makes |
you ask thatP'' s'Why, cause Ella |
Hughes, from Cincinnati, what's visit |
in next door, told me yesterday was |
colonel, cause was born in Ken
lucky" THAT, daughter, Is Ohio
ignorance. am the only colonel in |
this family. Kentucky State Journal.
When the high-school girl went to
Tidioute to spend q week at Thanks
giving she wrote letter to Amy which
nearly drove that young lady wild in
the effort to ascertain her meaning. 1t
began; '.My visual organs were de- |
lighted to trace the inanimate lines Of |
your chirography over the folioic sur
face" Amy Is stin quits sick.
heard q group Of little folks chat /
tering to each other not long ago, and
Boosting Of the different occupations Of
their respective paternaI EreIAtions.
Said one small youth. my papa y
smarter yours, cause he'salawyer.
mo; my papa is the best. cause he's /
a senator and q lientenant-colonel
mot much he amt; my papa is BET
tern all;-he's pail bearer. San /
Francisco Report
ssOna Good Turn. etcn--A: ssTha /