Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-03-19
The War in Israel.
CHAPTER ".

4ss-Jeferson and Hartman Die Hard, bu
i Die-Ihe Chief Musician Escapes By tn
Skin Of Her Teeth!!-&c., &C., dc.
Hear y people. And attend, nations
Let those who have been hiding in the rock
and caverns come forth, for the great battl,
of Cog and Magog has been fought, will
victory for Israel, ''the only true"
Now, on the fourth day of the reign O.
| King Grover, who sat upon the throne il
Washington in the third month of this year
and seventh day of the month, the watch
men of Israel blew upon their rams horns,
| ana the bell was rung, and Israel assembled
| at the synagogue. The High Priest sat upon
| his throne, and those who waited upon him
| gathered around him to do his biddings.
| Now, for a much a. Israel had not offered
| sacrifices for whole month, it was desired
by High Priest Bedott that sacrifices should
be made. Now, when Dedott east his eyes
| around for IA ram, there was none found. So
the High Priest was greatly yeXed and sore
ly displeased. But while Bedott WAS weep
ing on account of the lack Of = sacrifice suit
able, one of the slaves of the High Priest
suggested that, in lieu of the absence of a
ram, that they might offer one of the sisters,
as they had plenty to spare. Now, this
greatly pleased the High Priest, and he said,
.'let the fires be kindled." Now, Israel had
no express command to offer human sac
ritices; the ''chapter and verse" could not
be found. But Israel is always capable of
meeting such emergencies, and when they
haven't any scripture to sustain them, they
manufacture 1t according to the peculiar
of Co oil
ready, one of the servants Of the High Priest
said; ''Sister Harmony has been fellow
shipping with the aliens, and eating with the
uncircumcised, and going to the Union Sun
day SCHOOL, When this was noised abroad.
all the ''ony true" put ashes and dust ON
their heads, and stamped the floor with rage.
So the tumult was very great, reaching even
to Philip the scribe.
Now, Sister Harmony was offered one
chance for her life, and that was to ask Is
rael to forgive her for things she had not
done, and to say that she was sorry, when
she had nothing to be sorry about.
The High Priest had not smelt blood for
many days-not since the head of Amaleck,
the Proselyte, had been taken off,-and Sun
flower, who fell by dancing, had her little
neck wrung off by the "only true"
Now, Sister Harmony sat quiet, and mild
as lamb led to the slaughter, and dumb
as featberted. Sc the High Priest Redott
known as Ell Mahdi, the Charger, rose up and
said to Sister H.: "Answerest thou not a
word? l will tear thee to pieces!" So the
sisters head was taken off, and she was de-
clared expelled from the "only true" and
Israel was charged to withhold the right
hand of baptized fellowship. This was the
sacrifice Cd tfaIGrafiop, md ha2yiing done his
best to exile good woman, the High Priest
dismissed Israel, to meet on the eleventh to
fight King Hardy.
CHAPTER V.
Now on the eleventh day of the third month
of the first years reign of Grover the DEM
ocrat, Israel was commanded to prepare for
battle. Row, early III the morning OF the
eleventh day, while the goDber crew. and the
goose eaekled-even about the rising of the
sun, the circumcised were seen Fastening
from one part of the camp to the other, pre-
pairing for the fight. Now about the time of
the Mountain whistle, which is u O'Clock,
certain ciFcumcised from the regions round
out, were seen coming, and in due season
arrived: and when the rams horn Fas blown
for the assembling OF Israel, they took their
seats near the High Priest in the following
order, to wit: Andrew Jackson tarty and |
Rev. Damascus Cast Steel, of the Kingdom |
of Iron Joseph Dobbns-or Dohin-or Dob |
ing-don't know whicil-and Bro. Greene |
Goggels, deacon from the Kingdom of Mid |
die Fork, over against Reynolds, which is |
fcrnenst Iron on the south. Then there was |
next one Geo. Rawlings feom the Middle |
Fork, where it empties into the northeast,
outheast, southwest, east, with Imboden |
FORK. Next came King Baker Pasha, the |
Publican, leaning upon his staff; he repre-
sents the lost tribe. Next came the Rev. |
Frazier and Mr.. Jennings, from Union, 200 |
strong. And last, but not least, came Thorn
IS Maxwell and Gordon Hardy from Mount |
Zion over beyond Jordan. These brethren,
lelqyad, had been invited by IsEsel TO come !
over and help them turn loose a certain |
difficulty which seemed to be too
zig for Bedott to manage.
Now when the song,
1--WE love our Church, o God,
Inc House OF our abode"
Elder Frazier, of Union, 200 strong, offered /
prayer. he prayed for Israel, who needed |
ais prayers, and CALLED upon 6 cd for wisdom,
which, under the circumstances, was an ex-
trayagant request.
Then the High Priest stepped forth and
that the ball was now open. Then
mere were several brethren drew their fa-
Eorite weapon, the ''iawLone of an as, =. and
eVeral duels were fought.
Bro. Frazier welded his bone like il was
10 new feat for him. The great question
'otherlng the minds of these elect Israelites
vas this: they had been called to settle the
between certain Israelites of the
5eilevlew Synagogue. Now, there is no law
authorizing Israel to transfer hel power to
ny other party, and these foreign circum-
ised wanted to know what they were there
OF, any way. Now Bedott, the High Priest.
wanted them to fight with Israel, and all he
ne. This was objected to by Frazier, the
Ugh Priest of Iron, who said thew must
ght alone, or fight not at ALL
Now, as there could be no cbanter and
erse found authorizing this Council of war.
II Israel was greatly perplexed. Finally.
ONE one suggested that, as it was an ex-
RENE case, they would nuke it law. and
st the war Council fight ii out for Israel:
nd then, when they were all tired, Israel .
rould turn in and clean up the Grand Coun-
i and all. Now this pleased Bedott and
'aker Pasha, but the trouble was, How shall
be battle be begun? Now Israel withdrew, {