Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-03-12
TIE osCULAT0RY ART.
esAA0srNe aN0 PtAosoe-lcsL
re C.aary- Bird P~es asa the w~sesr-
t.n sm.sh. ss1th kefsr~aes. Aiss
a. ths Church PAR zaa oSheE
sariskles-

trrusrisuceo Reporter IL Cineiaaa.- En-
quirsFl
p. fae nonkes narried tee o4.~-sa SISTER.
Smoked Dc lig,s ana theH he klssea hef,
Kissed - hard * rzisea = blister
QAad sac ses ~ selL '-tAa Lsss-
fhls poet never allowed himself q os
embarrassed by facts, because ne other
animal t1an man INDUCES IN tne luxury
ia kiss. Ii Is too rich for them; too high
for their Uranium; too sltitudinoas Tor
however, that's neither here nor there
Men have been known q incur extresne
sAnzers for the privilege OF this moment
ary contact.
frigid condition 0f atnlos phere snd
number eleven brOzsn 10 this day keep
ten d0llsr-s-week young man from resS'n'
ing calls at the mansion Of Chicago mill
lonaire, from whose ia lighter he had taken
one mean, paitry little soon over kiss.
Noah Webster, in compiiin. his dietion-
AIRY, MAS unusually broad in nis definitions
aud exhaustive in reference. On reaching
the word "kiss" visions OF Mrs. Webster
must have loOmed up. Ii was . case
where knowledge would have been danger
I Gus 10 any married man. He confned him
self TO saying: "A salute made by 10 uching
with the lips pressed closely together and
suddenly parting them"-the cid sinner!
+ An old soldier defined il better by saying
il was "a report at head quarters"
webster's popular work fails 10 distin-
guish between the varieties. There is the
old maids kiss, with its dash of vinegar;
the maiden aunt's kiss. with its terrors.
Ornamented with corkscrew curls and gay
Al. H. wrssa liza
hat-rack covered with bombazine and
waits for victims TO come up and get their
medicine. The feat has TO be accomplished
without the aid of . net. It's brief, but
Oh, Lord You need plenty OF room for a
meeting with your visiting country rela-
tive who is S good as she Is big. See To IL
that the wall pictures are securely hung and
that the light ornaments Of the etagere are
slowed away in a barrel and well-packed
with otton. Ii your house has been built
by an honest contractor the explosion will
only shake the windows and bring down
an acre OF SO OF plaster. Wagner gets his
idea OF "Tristan and Isolde" from one of
these events, which is the reason why no
one ever goes to hear it. There is kiss
that, like church fair lemonade, is not
wanted again after the first taste, and in
contradstinction to this is the article oil
stored electricity. In one of the German
novels the hero has an experience of the
latter kind. This is the translation: $50
phis returned my kiss and the earth went
from under my feet; my soul was no longer
in my body; | touched the stars"
In New York bachelor and a young
widow were fined five dollars for kissing
on one OF the Central Park drives, and in
Philadelphia a married man was assessed
twenty five dollars for kissing another
mans wife. Pennsylvania always was
high tariff State, anyhow. inhabitants
are for protection in everything. In rura
dis riots, where tue refinements of civiliza
tiOn are unknown, they are much given e
games where promiscuous kissing is th,
order of the night. Taking his girl home
: from one Of these frolics the country
swain, on saying "gool-hy" at the gate
receives a kiss that comb mes the taste o
green-spple pie, sweet cider, dog-leg to
bacco, five-cent torches, onions, sprinl
green's, corn bread, sour-masb, came,
peaches and young shost.
Men scorn to kiss among themselves,
And scarce will kiss brother;
Women want TO kiss so much
! They smack and kiss each other
Women kissing each other has been lik
ened TO eating a veal sandwich guiltless o
E salt. Why they will persist in the nonsen
! sical performance when such a number O
D men are available and willing is a mys
: terry. Asking lady for enlightenment o.
: this question, she retorted TO the reporter
3 "why do men kiss each other, as saw
$ couple OF great bearded fellows do tn
n 10 ba afpr Suuif cha1 OF ~
+ ruptly oD the side track, the reporter coul
do nothing but wait with banked fires ur
> I'll the main conversational line was oper
when he moved out cautiously, runnin
& under a red flag TO avoid further collision
n John Bunyan disliked kissing in an
}, form. OF it he wrote: "The common sal,
i tation OF women l abhor; it is odious I
d me in whomsoever l see it. When i hav
IT seen good men salute those women the
n have visited, have made my objection
n and when they have answered me it was
q piece OF civility, / have told them il wa
70 not a comely sight, and have asked ther
: why they did salute the most bendsou
4, and let the ill-favored ones 60" job
& could not have much luck when he va
young. He did not know that althoue
y girls cease to kiss men at twelve year
70 they resume again at twenty. Perhaps h
y early days were spent in Iceland. whei
= the custom is as common as band-shskin
. in America, and as consequence, one h,
II to kiss ugly, dirty faces, snuffy-nosed ol
= women and filthy little children. Bas
u ball-catcher's masks ought 10 sell well
. that country.
> Referring again 10 the frst-quoted poet
mistake, il can be said that dogs and bes
u lick; cows and horses fondle each other
heads; love birds, nesting side by sic
Ia upon the perch, dip their rosy bills in
E. fluffy heaps of down. and the low class
z. ssvages have neither affection nor ar
: means Of expressing IL. So that. after al
kissing may be taken ss sctusl evidence
= intellect and Civilizations pleasant i'd
Z, ct any rate