The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1885-05-08
JOHN B. COUGH
FINDS A REGULARITY ON BROADWAY
WHICH AsroNIsHEs HIM.
A Spree Condensed Into an Hour-An In
toxicated Dandy in tho Lobby of
Theatre-spider Toboggan-
Ing.
["Uncle Bill's" New York Letter ]


Time and labor are wonderfully econo-
mized in this rapid town John B. Cough
has discovered this truth, end at the same
time learned something new in his time worn
topic of intemperance. II didn't think" he
said to me, that there was q phase Of evil
anywhere in the civilized world that
l wasn't familiar with, for I've made
q hobby Of temperance reform
for thirty years and more. I have studied
'nebristy In every quarter Of the civilized
earth, and among some of tho savages be-
sides, and yet find here in your New York
popularity Of the curse which astonishes
me. What mean is that the facilities for
going on a spree, without the loss of any
time worth mentioning, are sumptu-
ously provided. Broadway Is lined with
bhar-rooms for this special purpose.
The business or professional man may start
from his downtown quarters at 4 or 5
o'clock and arrive at home for dinner as
drunk as a lord-having got so during his
walk up Broadway. counted between
Wall street and Thirty third street forty one
saloons with particularly inviting exteriors-
absolutely gorgeous In the decorations, which
could be seen from the street, and, am in
formed, correspondingly handsome inside
and tho majority Of them close at o'clock
In the afternoon, as soon rs the patronage Of
men ON their way home is over Thus o
spree can be condensed into an hour be-
tween the business Of the day and the
recreation Of the evening" Isn't 1t hor-
riblei"
date in the contemplation OF intemperance.
For instance, the intoxicated dandy whom
saw last evening in the lobby Of a theatre
too funny u, ha lad aIxy IIa
was in full evering dress. Doubtless he be-
longed to that minority Of our population
who estimate culture and social worth by
the standard Of a swallow tail coat, holding
that the man who goes out in the evening in
one Is gentleman, and he who doesn't Is q
mere person. This fellow was In tho limp
and dawdling stage Of inebriety, when his
sensations were FAR more acute than his de-
meanor indicated He leaned back against
the railing, with an idiotic grin on his face,
and his eyes drooped 50 that friend thought
him asleep
"Sthop, he said, on being shaken, you'll
sphoil T sport"
"What sport, old chapf was asked.
"T-t-tobog- ming"
"Tobogganingi What's the matter with
youi Brace up, and don't make spectacle
of yourself"
"Hushi Look here. Shee this fellow, "
and he indicated spider that was slowly
climbing up the lapel Of his very low-cut
vest; "that's fellows t-t-tobog-ning on my
shirt front, and sspect he'll break his
blamed neck next time down. Watch'm."
The insect had now gained the neclktie Of
the dude, and was stepping onto the glossy
surface Of the shirt. A score of SPECTATOR
eyed his exploit.
"Now he'sh off," calculated tho wearer OF
the snowy bosom.
The spider tried to crawl across the poll
ished space, but it looked as though he
really meant to slide-vhich he did, in spite
Of his best efforts, and slipped down with
all the CELEBRITY Of a tohoggan. But 1t was
his fatal trip, a. predicted, for he fell to the
floor dead. And the yells of laughter fright
tened the audience almost into panic. on
the supposition that there was fire.