Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-06-06
=, isaac NEWTON NEW,
Scientif1c Journalist.


While d-liberating over this erratic card,
opportunity was given % survey its more
eri attic owner lie looked both young aud
old. However, it VAS quite apparent that
ae hal not yet turned into his thrties. He
nad ~iid aud restless gray eye, with
suggv stion Of green IN il, that WAS all over
the room several times ia a minute, jump
iag from the table to the ceiling, ricochet-
ting from there - the window. caroming
thence back 60 the table and then away
again His forehead had two great lObes,
which bnlzed out from his high front ike
rhs knobs OF door. while his whole cranium
was 50 expansive that .t looked as though
10 mi ght be crammed 60 the attic with
ideas. The thoughts that seethed ia b 5
burning brain must have incinerated the
roots Of the hair, he was bald clear up
% the summit OF his crown. The small
amount OF hair that be still retained wac
beginning 20 matarialiEe gray threads
His face was beardless and was character
lied by hollow cheeks and firm chin.
All this was taken in at very superficial
obsery alton, and just be was about tC
speak the city editor was practically para
lyzed by noticing that the visitors rather
liberal ears were fiattened back against his
head and nailed in place by two copper
taeks, the heads Of which just appeared
above the cartilage.
II see that you have noticed the Joiner
work on my ears" rather grimly observed
the visitor in opening the conversation
The reason for this will shortly be ap
parent 10 you"
HAS IL anvthin0 70 do with ssciantifict
journalism" suggested the host, rather
ssrcastically.
Much" was the laconic answer.
How, for instancet"
First, you must understand the great
ambition that has animated my life.
have endeavored 10 harness the winged
steed. Science, aud bring it into absolute
subsection for the benefit Of journalism.
have succeeded, sir, and believe the name
OF Isaac Newton New will be Immortal IN
newspaper annals. This is the first paper
TO which have offered my patented and
improved repOrtorial services. Ihave solved
all the riddles that reporters have ever en-
countered in the crucible of Science.
have overcome every difficulty"
But TO illustrate"
Good enough. By means OF my paten.
Star Chamber AnnihilatOr all private
meetings becomes my property. 1t is conf
posed Of an ordinary telelephone receiver,
a coil Of fine copper wire, and at the other
end tin funnel with microphonis at
tachment."
Have you got il with your"
"What!u
The Aunihilator."
"No. You see was unfortunate enough
70 have a slight difference with the hotel
keeper at Dearborn, and he retains my
grip until such time as | can adjust this
slight difficulty. I assure you, sir, this
difference is religious, not financial. But
I can illustrate without the Annhlator.
Now. | wear a voltaic electric belt and
zinc liver-pad And this slight protuber-
ance at the back"
1T looks like an a1Olescent hustle"
perhaps so-perhaps 50, although
had hoped it could not be observed. But.
be that as it may, this little rear extension
is layer of copper. 1t serves a double
purpose; not only does it lend hand
toward the completion OF my electric bat
terry, but il is 50 located that, should be
discovered while conducting my micro
phOnic reportorial researches, the kicks
would not injure me so greatly as other
wise And furthermore the ksker would
get shocked by the kickee's battery.
What's all this battery business good
for,"
wait, my dear sir, until turn the
luminous iuster Of electricity, ma gnetism
and chemistry on the long-darSened field
Of reportorial industry. Suppose a secret
meeting Of a Congressional COMMITTEES
was being held. You would asst IN me,
your only available secret meeting report
er. to go and decorate it. would go over
there, wait tin the gentlemen were all in,
then attach my microphons to the tran
som. reel of a few yards Of copper cord,
attach il 20 my voltaic battery, press the
receiver - my ear. aud from distance
take in ths proceedings. Sec"
He saw.
"Supposing again that vas your sc-
complished municipal reporter Note the
advantages Of my Annihiiator. II walk
F ing mp City Hall corridor I SOC two Al
aermen talking con6dentially, in the pub
+ lic interest. would carefully chuck my
microphons 60 the floor. walk OF a distance
aud drink IN the conversation The nails
IN these tender ears are o. keep those mem
bars from interfering with working the re-
ceivar.~
Great scheme Anything elssf"
'FYes. I have hundreds - mechanical
devices chat are destined ~ rsvolnri0nize
the journalism of the future. Bat they
are All in nv grip at Desrbon. ! should
ike 20 exhibit them - you. Butch. I
can not-it zrinds my proud sogi ton
u,us'@