The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-10-04
THE BOSS GANDER.
He Finds on the Comstock All the Comforts
of the Goose Creek Mountains.

Dan de guile, in New York sun.
A light or two ago red-eyed individual of
cowboy port and mien meandered into Com
stock saloon. and deployed in front of the bar.
Without degnng look toward the array of bot
tied manslaughter temptingly displayed, tho
stranger proceeded to introduce himself, in a
short speech. as the Boss Gander of the Goose
creek mountains, ''real Kentucky gentleman,
and graduate Of the Lexington University"
He apprised those present of the fact that he felt
himself growing al moldy and widowed for
want of congenial exercise. The Comstock
range pleased him we'll enough, except that
the people were too good and lnoffen.
sive to afford him that relaxation of
his succumbing to the slow decay of
dry rot He would not say that he looked upon
them as being pack of cowardly coyotes, but
would assert that in his presence they made
themselves too sweetly seraphic and too readily
agreed to any and every proposition he might
think fit to advance. What was the good of his
announcing himself as dangerous and ugly to
handle, when nobody could be found with sand
enough to dispute the assertion2 Out on the cat
tie ranges you found men. There the souls of
men were not bowed down and cowed by the con-
ventionalitieS and amenities of socalled civiliZa-
ton. There man would not see a camel in the
Clouds nor hear a whale blow in the hills even
though asked to do so at the muzZe of revolt
yer. On the cattle ranges of Montana and Idaho
could at all seasons be found spirited and in
structive argument supplemented with invigo-
rating exercise.
Now" said the apostle of true manliness
from the Goose creek range, now when | tell
you that think you are the most white livered
set Of ours that have yet encountered in all
my travels. | don't expect that any of you will
dispute the assertion when tell you that
don't believe there is one among you but would
shed tears were to spit in his face. don't
pect one of your crowd to show that he is aware
of my presence. When I tell you that the man
who is saying these things is here present, and
not to be hunted for | have not the least fear
that any of you will ask him to amuse you'll"
Having concluded his speech of defance-sa-
voring much OF the oratory of Piegan brave
the Boss Gander superciliously surveyed the
several occupants of the saloon. No one said
word foc no man present felt it to be his duty to
engage in a rough and tumble fight with a
man for whose opinion he did not care
straw man is not obliged to turn scaven-
ger and undertake the abatement of every
nuisance that comes in his way, though he may
meet with some that very offensive.
II perceive that l have estimated you all at
your true value" said the Boss Gander. Now.
if it would do me the least honor, I'd just haul
you all up here by the ears and knock your heads
together"
Somebody ought to teach this windy fool
a lesson" said bystander Il do not feel
personally aggr:ved. but it would seem to be
a work that should be done in justice to the
community at large. The fellow. though he
struts so fercely in his vaquero outfit, is evil
pricked yet, even in pricking bubble you
may come in contact with good deal of foul
air"
The man addressed said: 'Drowsy Dan went
into the rear card-room a few minutes ago. He
is doubtless asleep Dy this time, but he would
consider it no hardship to come out and deplume
this cackling Goose creek gander. He'd wiring
his neck for dollar"
Suppose we bring Dan in?' said the other
and the two men left their seats and went to-
ward the card room
The Boss Gander observed the movement.
and evidently thought that the two men in
tended to make their escape by rear door.
Following them with his eyes. he cried: II have
always coyotes leave when the grizzly bear
comes down the mountains Crows take to flight
when the eagle comes in sight"
The two citizens made no reply. They found
Dan sitting with his head on q card table, sound
asleep and snoring like grampus. They awoke
him and explained their errand Yawning until
the top Of his head seemed about to reach
level with his ears, Dan. said: "A dollars Ya-a-
ow-ho-so-hum! A dollar is small sum to wake
teller up for but I reckon I'll take it. He-ah-
hum! Eve got nothing else to do just now so
I'll 60 out and feel of the Teller"
AS Dan walked out into the saloon, stretching
his giant limbs and yawning, he at once observed
the red-eyed stranger
'.Yo-ha hum yawned he. soThat him?,
An affirmative nod from one of his companions
assured Dan that his eyes had been directed
Alright
Slouching up in front of the Boss Gander, Dan
yawned and said WELL let's begin"
''Sir9" said the stranger
Here" said Dan. lets go to work"
The Boss Gander began to comprehend, and
threw himself into war-like posture Dams
arms shot out two or three times like the pistons
of a doub!e-cylinder engine. The apostle of
manfpess from the cattle ranges went to the
floor without getting in blow, and was kicked
under table and up against the wall like wet
dishrag, Where he lay unconscious. Dan held
money--srnall money to be walked up forr he
took himself to the rear room to finish his nap
The Gander presently regained his Senses
and cFawled out from under the table. He blew
his nose, picked up his hat, hauled his trowsers
up under his pistol belt. shook himself into
shape, and said:
"Gentemen, was there sleepy looking man
in here moment ago?"
He told that somnolent individual had
take the trouble to come in and see him.
Il suspected as much" said the d-eyed
Then turning to those standing about he thus
addressed them:
Gentlemen, l feel it to be my duty to hum
bly, beg pardon for any disparasing remarks that
may have inadvertently let fall here in regard
to the valor and potency of the citizens of this
town. | now find that there places in your
pleasant little city where gentleman
who is pining for some of those comforts
to which he may have become habituated
while sojourner in more favored regions
may meet with those who are sufficiently hos
pitable to minister to his wants. Yes gentle
men, you have among you good Samaritans
How call you the gentleman who was just now
in to see me, my late colloquistp
He is known as Drowsy Dan, they said
"Ah! Drowsy Dan! The name does not sound
promising, yet the man is very satisfying and
instructive. Think you the somnolent gentle
man likely TO be inclined to partake of some
thing In the way of liquid refreshment after his
recent exercse2"
He is doubtless already sound asleep, " said
one of the men who had introduced Dan to the
strangers notice; ''but should you, at any time
during your STAY on the Comstock. find yourself
wasting away for the want of the comforts of
the cattle ranges, call around, and for your ben
eft we will awake Drowsy Dam"
Thank you gentlemen, thank you heartily
l shall do so bat at present do not feel that I
shall for some time to come desire to commune
with our sleepy friend, except at very long
RANGE and the satAd Boss Gandar uandorad