Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-03-20
THE COWBOY.
Bill Mos Idea of the Genesis of the Fee
tive Monarch of the Plains.

| Bill NVo's Aooe OF tne "e"esls
tive Monarch of the Plains.
So much amusing talk is being made
recently anent the blood-bedraggled
cowboy of the wild West, that I rise as
one nan to say a few things, not in .
dic;atorial style. but regarding this So
called or so-esteemed dry-land pirate
| who, mounted on a little cow-pony and
under the black flag, sails out across
the green surge of the plains to scatter
the 1ocky shores OF Time with his fell
lovnan.
A great many people wonder where
the eowhoy, with his abnormal thirst
for blood, originated. Where did this
jessie James, with his CORY record and
htstdauntless eve come from? Was he
BON in a buffalo wallow at the foot of
some rock-ribbed mountain. or did he
first breathe the thin air alongthe brink
If an alkali pond, where the horned
TOAD and the centipede sang him to
sleep, and the t%arantula tickled him
under the chin with its hairy legs?
Careful research and cold, hard
statistics show that the cowboy was
born in an unostentatious manner on
the farm. I hate to sit down on a
beautifulromancc and squash the breath
out of a romantic dream; but the cow
boy who gets too much moist damna-
ton into his system, and rides on a
gallop up and down Main street. shoot
ing out the lights of the beautiful bill
lard palaces. would be just as happy if
a mouse ran up his pantaloons-leg as
you would, gentle reader.
One night, while l had rooms in the
business part of a territorial city in
the Rocky mountain cattle country, l
was awakened at about one o'clocka n.
by the most b~lood-curdling cry Of
"murder!!" l aver heard. 1t was mur-
der with a big en-" Across the street,
in the bright light of a restaurant.
a dozen cowboys with broad SOM
breros and flashing silver ~braids, huge
leather chaperajos, Mexican spurs, and
orange silk ncckties: with flashing re-
volvers were standing. 1t seemed that
a big red-faced Captain Kid of the
band, with his skin full of valley tan,
had marched into an ice-cream resort
with a ~self-cocker in his hand, and
ordered the vanilla GOODNESS for the
gang. There being a dozen young
folks in the place, mostly male and fe-
male. from a neighboring hop, indulgg-
ing in cream, the proprietor, a meek
Norwegian with thin white hair,
deemed it rude and outre to do so. He
said something to that effect, whercat
the other eleven men of alcoholic cour~
age let off a yell that froze the cream
into a solid glacier, and shook two
kerosene lamps out of their sockets in
the chandeliers.
This annoyed the ice-cream agricul-
turist, and he took the old axe-handle
he used to jam the ice down around
the freezer with, and peeled a large
urea of scalp off the leaders dome Of
thought, and it hung down yer his
eyes, SO that he could not see to shoot
with any degree of accuracy.
After he had yelled '.murder!!' three
or four times, he fell under an ice
cream table, and the mild-eyed Scandi-
navian broke a silver plated castor
over the organ of self-esteem. and
poured red pepper, and salt and vinegar,
and Halford sauce, and other rclishes
on the place where the scalp was loose.
This revived the brave but murderous
cow-gentleman, and he begged that he
might be allowed to go away.
The gentle Y. NJ. c. 4. superintend-
ent of the ton-stamp ice-cream freezcrs
then took the revolyers away from the
bold buccaneer and kicked him out
through a show case.
All cowboys are not sanguinary; but
out of twenty you will generally find
II who is brave when he has his re-
volvers with him; but when he forgot
and left his shooters at home on the
piano, the most tropical violet-eyed
dude a climb him with the butt end
Of a suntlower. and beat his brains out
and spatter them all over that schoo
district,
In the wild unfettered West, beware
OF the man who never carries arms,
never gets drunk, and always minds
his own business. He don't go around
shooting out the gas. or intimidating a
kindergarten school; but when a brave
trontiersman, with a revolver in each
boot and a bowie down the back of his
neck, insults a modest young lady. and
needs to be thrown through q plate
glass window and then walked over bv
the populace, call in the silent man who
dares to wear a clean shirt and human
clothes.-BM Me-, IN Puck.