Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-10-08
Aa1turuns 9epartlnent.

A WITNESS WHO WOULDN'T BE BULLY
RAGGED.-There was an exciting horse
stealing case tried up at Bodie last week,
and the opposing counsel bullyragged the
witnesses in manner calculated to have
convulsed even Frisco lawyer with en-
wy. Finally the name of a well-to-do old
granger was called, and he stepped upon
the stand carrying double-barrel shot gun
in his hand.
"What are you going to do with that
weapon ?" asked the judge.
"Well, I'll tell you, Squire" said the
old man cheerily. II hearn some talk
around here this morning that lyers calki-
lated to AK me some questions about lit
tie hoss misunderstanding I had myself
when I was young man in ther States, an
about my havin an eXtry wife down in Tex
as someWhar. Now Pm willing to tell all
I know about this here particular case, but
amt goin' ter take any begosh nonsense
from anybody: Pm a law-abidin' man,
Jedge, but I rile powerful easy: Now, then
60 ahead with ther procession" and placing
his cooked gun across his lap the witness
turned to the attorneys with bland smile.
There was solemn pause for few min
utes, and then the witness was excused, and
stepped down amid terrific applause.
A NICE BILL OF FARE.-It was at a
country hotel in Pennsylvania. The single
stranger who sat down at dinner was amaz-
ed when the waiter handed him 6! printed
bill of fare which began with oyster soup
and clam chowder and ran down to four
kinds of pie and chocolate ice cream.
"I'll take oyster SOUP" said the guest.
''Y-e-es, but we haven't got any," repli-
ed the waiter.
every well, give me clam chowder."
eve are out of that, too" ,
''Then bring me baked Whitetsh, fried
sausage, Saratoga potatoes, French wheat
rolls, ribs of beef and cup of coffee.
1--WE haven't got any, sir. All we've got
is beef steak, billed taters, and bakers bread
and Coffee"
"At that moment the landlord entered
the room, and the guest called out:
"See here, landlord, what sort Of a trick
is this ?'
sir, let me explain. My uncle kept sea-
side hotel and failed. He had 10000 bills
of fare on hand, and bought them at pri-
vate sale for 50. These are hard times
very hard-and we must utilize everything
and keep up style at the same time."
p9- The world will be glad of the assu-
rance that there are some men in the hum
blest walks of life who can't be bought with
the clink of gold. A Hoosier who lost his
wife few weeks ago was waited upon a
few days after the funeral by a man who
introduced himself as the agent of a Cincin-
natl medical college, and he went right to
business by remarking:
"Mr. Blank, neither of us has any time
to fool away. Your wife is dead and buried.
I want her body for the college. could
snatch it any dark night, but that's not my
way. How much cash will buy the body?"
"Dige'er up at your own expense?"
eyes"
"How much'll you give?"
Fifteen dollars"
"And the cofin?"
"Oh, that's no use to me-"
"Stranger," said the widower, "you skip
or I'll shoot. If you think Pm fool enough
to throw away forty-dollar coffin in these
hard times you haven't sized me up k'rect.
Let the old woman stay thar. She isn't
costing anything for board and lodgings,
and there amt a penny out for repairs.-N.
Y. SIN.