Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-09-02
PEEASANTRIES.

promise between a ChufCn Ialf anu d.
bank burglary Post.
WALT WHITMAN says that he is sor-
nv he does not know how to smoke.
So are we. 1t might sort of divert his
mind from writing poetry.-Burhng-
ton Free Press.
He WHO poses for thirty eight)--
eyes, this locket has been IN our faml-
" at least fifty years" She innocent
ly)-"How lovely! And where did
you buy it ?"-Life.
1T has been observed that people are
more quarrelsome in extremely hot
weather than at other times. This Is
probably owing to their desire to en-
10y a little breeze.-Boston Saturday
Evening Gazette.
LITTLE GIRL (ready for bed J.
Mamma, willyoutellme ghost story ?
Mamma-What, a ghost story now,
dear? Little girl-Yes, mamma, l
want to get awful scared so [ can sleep
with you.-New York Times.
SCARCELY a day passes that there is
not a death chronicled caused by
whisky. How long, oh, how long will
it be when this great curse to society
will become extinct and beer will reign
supreme!-Kentucky State Journal.
GEORGIA now boasts of a farmer
who raised potato weighing thirteen
pounds" according to an exchange.
That is nothing to boast of. Afarmer
who can'traise a potato weighing only
thirteen pounds must be very weak
man.
SWEET nuisance-"No; the scene of
The Mikado' is not laid in Ireland. 1t
isn't pronounced that way, anyhow.
See here! Amt you the girl that asked
us If ragout was the French for put
ting on your best clothes ?"-BOStOn
Post.
ARDENT Devotion. "YOu have de-
voted husband, Mrs. de Silva 81
should say l had? He is the dearest
mani in the world. Why, do you know,
when | was home for a visit last year
he lost ten pounds in weight. Wasn't
that nice ?"-PUck.
A MORMON editor has been arrested
for supporting two wives. The arrest
was undoubtedly justifable. An edi-
tor with an income sufficient to sup
port two wives must be engaged IN
some sort of crooked work.-Bing-
hampton Republican.
''WBY are travelling men called drum
mers, papa?" asked young Crimson
beak. "Wel, I don't know, my son,
unless it is because they are always
beating" 'Were you ever a drum
mer, papa?" Crimsonbeak intends
taking that boy in hand before long
Yonkers Sta tesnan.
A REPORT of a base ball game says,
''Larkins knocked Fulton, the new
pitcher, all over the field" That was
pretty rough on Fulton, and it is a
wonder it didn't kill him. If Larkins
had knocked the umpire all over the
field it wouldn't have been surprising.
-NorristOwn Herald.
LITTLE girl, do you know whose
house this is ?" asked asolemn looking
man Of a bright child seated on the
church steps. eyes, sir; it's Gods,
but He amt in" she added, as the
old gentleman was about to walk up
the steps, "and His agents gone to
Europe" -Christian Advocate.
YOU'VE PERKINS "Ethel, in few
short days l will be far, far away"
Ethel DISQUALIFICATION far?" Young
P. )desperately)"I know not-thou-
sands Of miles, perhaps. Tomorrow
night [ shall leave this house, perhaps
forever" Ethel with INTEREST,"
whats the matter with tonight ?"
A CALIFORNIA chap has caused the
arrest of two young ladies, who, he
alleges waylaid and robbed him. As
he is a dude who has neither money
or brains, it is difficult to decide what
they could steal from him. Perhaps
they wanted to measure his head so
they could get a pattern for pincush-
ion.-NeWman Independent.
YOUNG man Ito Boston grill see
that a contest has been arranged be-
tween Ryan and Sullivan to take
place in August. Bostongirl (loyally(
Yes. and [ venture the prOgnostica-
ton that our Mr.. Sullivan will pro-
iect his opponent into the central por-
ton of the Forthcoming hebdomad in
the second circumference.-T'he Sun.
A BRIGHT littlegirl who lives in Hyde
Park asked for a second saucer of ice
cream the other evening. 81 don't
think it's good for you; ask your faith
err" said her mother. The girl went
into the library and put the question:
s'Not MUCH" said her father, emphat-
ically. Papa says I can have lit
tie" she reported to her mother with
truthful and innocent eyes.-ChicagO
Tribune.
A FASHION item says: French even
ing dresses for young girls of cream
,colored Arab gauze have kilt skirts,
high bodices with low Innings, and no
trimmings save bangaline SASH" We
never saw ga young girl of cream-col-
ored Arab gauze'-she must be a new
and delicate variety-but we should
think a kilt skirt of that description
wouldlook very well on her.-NorriS-
town Herald.
Now, you tell me, Ihave fair mem
DRY, great capacity for learning Ian
guages, a large bump OF veneratlon,
and d well-developed head generally"
"You have" said the phrenologist.
as there anything" said the man
under examination, in the exuber-
ance OF his Joy, "that my head needs
to make it absolutely perfect ?''
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