The Florida agriculturist., 1885-04-29
April 20.
VARIETIES.

tnere are TWO Things In this world no
Dodyl ever prepared for-Twins.
ltmakes a red nosed man yerv angry to
nave little girl ask him in the presence
OF others if it hurts.
While her mother was taking fly out
OF the butter, little Daisy asked, ''Is that
butterfly, mammal"
1t is only the woman who is given
away IN marriage. The man gives him
self away before the honeymoon is over.
Oscar Wilde, who favors abolishing
the coat and waistcoat, will, if he keeps
on, soon look like a society lady in full
dress.
1t seems no more than right that men
should seize Time by the forelock, for
the rude old fellow sooner or later pulls
all his hair out.
A health journal says you ought to
take three-quarters of an hour at dinner.
1t is well, also, to add few vegetables
and piece of meat.
A little American boy who was read
ing newspaper, paused in his labors,
and asked: 'tPa, does Hon. in front of
mans name stand for honest 2" AS
pa happened to be a member of the
Texas Legislature, he answered right up,
and said that it did.
''Ef kin jes' get to heaben," said an
old negro, "dat's all l axes. l doan
kere ter march up wild er brass ban an
make er mighty stir. doan ak de an
gels ter shout, nur de saints ter rush an
shake hans. No, sab. 1 doan ak all
dat, for all l wants is to git dar. Da
needn' put dase'fs to der trouble O.
handin' roun' pies an sweet stuff. Hoe
cake sorter creased wild er bacon rim is
good huff for me-"
Old lady Goodheart took up news
paper the other day, and upon reading
the caption Making Bessemer Steel"
she threw down the vile sheet and ex-
claimed: "I've no patience with the
papers any more! You can't find a
thing in 'em that doesn't make your
blood bile. Now l don't suppose that
Bessemer had any notion of stealin', but
they went to work and made him do it,
My, my what wicked world this is"
Children said the Sunday-school
teacher, looking over the top of her
glasses, "we should always be glad and
happy for our many manifold blessings
Even the birds thank their maker in
song-hear those canaries across the
street, pouring forth their musical
praises" please, ma am, - interrupted
little girl who was playing tit-tat-too
on the fy-leaf of a hymnal, Nthem amt
a-praisin'. That's what canaries always
do
Little Innocent-This is a very swag-
ger flower, amt it, Cissie? Cissie-No;
it is not swagger flower; it is choice
exotic, and you should handle it more
carefully. You have rubbed off some of
its bloom on your nose already. Little
Innocent-Are you a choice exotic, Cis-
sic? Cissie-No. Why do you ask f?
Little Innocent7-Because Captain Slings-
by rubs off your bloom ON to his nose SO
very, very easily. I've seen him do it
often. So there! Yah London Fun.
"Ma," said Johnny, one Saturday
morning, "where do good little boys
ma. "I don't mean when they're dead"
answered Johnny, in tone of disgust;
"where do they go when they are alive?"
81 don't know" remarked the mother,
absently. 81 suppose they stay at home
with their mammas." "Oh," said
Johnny; "oh, thought maybe their
mammas sometimes took 'em to the
theater." Johnny's mother caught on.
Brown, (who has just had telephone
connection established between his office
and house and is very much pleased
with It'll tell you, Smith, this tele-
phonic business is wonderful thing. l
want you to dine with me this evening,
and will notify Mrs. Brown to expect
you. Speaking through the telephone)
My friend Smith will dine with us this
evening. Now listen and hear how dis
tinctly her reply will come back Mrs.
Browns reply, looming back with start
ling distinctness)- your friend Smith
if he thinks we keep hotel.
"Hackerston's COW" is Scotch prov
erb, OF which the following is the origin
A tenant of Lord Hackerston, who was
one of the judges of the Court of Session,
one day waited on his lordship with
woeful countenance. "My lord," said
he, II am come to inform your lordship
of sad misfortune; my COW has gored
one of your lordship's cows so that fear
it cannot live." "Well, then you must
pay for it." Indeed, my lord, it was
not my fault, and you know am very
poor man." 81 can't help that; say
you must pay for it; am not to lose my
cow" "Well, my lord, if it must be SO
/ cannot say against your lordship-but
stop, my lord, 1 believe have made
mistake; it was your lordship's COW
that gored mine." 80 that is quite
different affair-go along, and don't
f,.o,1bla mo I or1 hucxy--OO alOnO I CO ,,