Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-08-20

A Michigan girl told her lover that
she could never think of marrying a
nan with less than $40, 600, and a. he
was worth suit of clothes less than
nothing he went sadly away. That
night his uucle died aud left him
$1,000. The next day the detected
lover got q letter. 1t read: Dearest
George, I'm willing TO make 1t SIS,
OOO."
The big Woods" Of Minnesota
we'll deserve the name, for they cover
5 900 square miles, or $500, 600 acres
of surface. These woods contain only
hard wood growths, including white
and black oak, maple, hickory, bass
wosd, elm, cottonwood, tamarack,
and enough other varieties to make an
a. gregato of over fifty different kinds.
The hard wood track exteLds in a
belt across the middle of the state,
and surrounding lis northeastern cor
ner is an iamense pine region cover
Ing Il, 900 square miles, or Ii, 440, 900
acres
The Lake of Constance, In Switzer-
land, is bounded by five countries
Austria, Bavaria, Switzerland, Baden
and Wurtemberg. Now, as each
country reckons its time after It's CAPT
tol, considerable confusion exists
along the lake, which is often annoy
ing TO tourists. a tourist on one Of
the steamboats,, before dropping let
ter IL the box, has to ascertain care
fully in what country the mails are
deposited, SO as to put on a proper
kind of stamp The difference be-
tween Swiss and Australian time
amounts TO no less than twenty eight
minutes.
There are men in this very town."
said Sam Jones recently at Murfrees
| boro, who meet neighbor's wife
on the streets and take off their hats
and bow and smile as sweet and ten
Derby and say: How are you,
MADAME and then go home and wound
their own wives with their tongues.
Clever to all wives but their own.
And so it is with some wives; they
are all smiles and kind words ia COM
pany, and cut their husbands to the
hearts with their tongues God pity
the man who has such wife as that"
Or the Generals staff ia one Of his
| campaigns was rough-and ready fight
er, full of strange oaths" and stranger
vulgarities. One evening, in the
presence of General Grant and several
brother officers, he opened the cons
yerSation Ia some such way as this:
well, boys, I've got mighty good
thing to tell you. 1t would hardly do
10 repeat, Of course, In the presence of
ladies'" WELL" Grant interrupted,
in his firm out quite way, ''allew me
to suggest, then, that it might be ad-
visable to omit 1t in the presence Of
gentlemen.
a student at the university of Texas,
who had been leading a rather dissis
pated life, wrote to MS father, one of
the most respectable citizens of Dali
las: Dear Pal had the misfortune
to be upset in boat while out rowing
on the Colorado river. / lost the
beautiful watch which you gave me.
[ would like some money to hire a
man to dive for it. Your affectionate
son, Thomas" The old gentleman,
who was no fool, replied ''It is not
worth while diving for It, 1t might
as well be III soak in one place as an
other.
Who is the man asks the New York
Sun, to Introduce the ideal summer
clothing for an American? "Under>
clothing of very thin flannel, thin
wooden half hose, white canvas shoes,
shirt and trousers of light flannel
the color according TO taste = and a
broad somrero of sire Or thin felt.
A broad strap should condne the
trousers at the waist, replacing sus<
penders. The shirt should have a
rolling collar, with a jeweled button
or loose scarf, according to the taste
and means of the wearer. A pocket
in the bosom of the shirt should hold
handkerchief. A coat Of the same
material as the trousers should be
used as susnmer overcoat in cool
and rainy weather.
A retired old sea Captain ia the
norta of England bought a horse to
please his wife. The animal proved
to be risky, and several times succeed
ed IN spilllng the old lady. At last
the Captain, aided by another old
salt, attempted to break the steed of
his vicious habits He took kedge
anchor with stout line, and, fastened
one end of the line to the axle of his
phaton, took the kedge aboard and
the two men started for drive along
the shore. Soon the vicious animal
spied something which gave him an
excuse to run away, and dashed off
with frightful vivacity. The Captain
dropped the rejgns, and summoned all
hands to let 60 the anchor" The
anchor was let go, and caught firmly
in the sand. The unsuspecting quad
ruped pranced joyously along until
he got to the end OF the rope, and
then he paused-paused so suddenly
that the pheten was demolished, and
the two men shot up INTO the air like
a couple of sky rockets, coming down
in a fearfully dilapidated condition.
NJ