The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-03-19


The original barber-queue: Tho pig
tail OF Chinese tonsorial artist.
A YOUNG lawyer of Camden, Pa, has
just had his first case. 1t was case of
measles.
JUDGE-You are charged with drunk-
enness. Prisoner-l is, yer Honor. and
If We blaze I'd like to be dis charged. -
Washington Hatchet.
A GEORGIA man has paid for farm
with the melons off it, to say nothing
OF the struggling young doctors he has
firmly established in business.
"YEs," said the Deacon, "our Heaven
ly Father knows all our inmost
thoughts. "Then." replied Fogg, He
must be possessed of deal of worth
less information.
WHEN HE KICKS.
man Is very like gun.
TIE fact please try To affix:
For II he hnds he's charged too much.
Why. that's the time he kicks.
-fonkers Statesman.
WIFE-"Do you think jeff Davis
aimed ut despotic power?" Husband
(henpecked)-"I think so, dear. He was
found dressed in women's clothes. y
Ne,D York Sun.
"WHY don't you keep your hands
clean 2" asked Detroit parent of his
9-year-old boy the other day. "Oh, it
takes too much time, and times are
hard was the reply.-Detroit Free
Press.
LANDLADY-".Doy you find your steak
tender, Mr.. DUMMY? Ifnot. 1 will"
DUMMY (who was wakened at 5 o'clock
that morning by the cook pounding it,
-"Er-it might be we'll to let the cook
hit it few more times, think. "-Ne,U
York Sun.
MoTHER-"Are you quite sure. dear,
that young Featherly is not fond of
you? He certainly seemed very de-
voted last night when he buttoned your
glove" Daughter-"Ah, yes, mother.
but his hand never trembled. "-Ne,c
York S,tn.
"DocToR," said the grateful patient,
seizing the physicians hand, Il shall
never forget that to you l owe my life.
"You exaggerate,' said the doctor,
mildly; you only owe me for fifteen
visits: that is the point which hope
you will not fail to remember"
IA is easy enough to see that that
man has never served on Jury before, "
remarked an old lawyer in court to a
friend. "Why?" his unprofessional
friend inquired. Because he pays
such close attention to the evidence. y.
New York Times.
PA" said young Danbury boy to
HE Co Sxxrka ArN~
q hog-guessing match, my son." what
do the hogs guess about, pap" was the
next query. Little boys should be
seen and not heard" said the father, in
an impressive voice.-Ddnb,trV NeUs.
"ALGERNoN, love, the Doctor said
that / absolutely required q little
change. was forced to tell him you
was always just run out of it whenever
l asked you for any, and that it was
weeks since you had given me cent.
Then he said i must need a great deal
of change. Amt you ashamed, now?"
But he wasn't. Not one bit.
WHEN Mrs. Oleo. the clearinghouse
mistress, was told that the inspector OF
provisions had seized 46S pounds of
veal, 81 pounds of poultry, 81 pounds
of bear meat, 81 lambs, q barrels OF
peas. and 200 boxes of herring, she re-
marked: pretty good appetite; but
nothing to some of my boarders. You'd
ought to see them when they're good
and hungry"
AT THE RINK.
One more unfortunate,
Trusting the fat e.
Rsshly importunate,
Tried on the skates.
Pick her up tenderly,
Loosen the straps,
Fashioned so sleuderly.
Unused to mishaps.
Oh. it was pit full
That she should flop
Where whole city full
Must see her drop.
Pick her up tenderly,
Smooth out her dress.
Fashioned SO slenderly.
Made to caress.
Dumping nhumlnly.
Jolting the men,
She ~ pure womanly,
And tries 1t again.
Pick her up tenderly,
n u n al..