The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-01-29

Putting Up . Coal Store.
Mr.. Bogfioat was one Of those mild
tempered, benevolent men who never
said cross word to any one, and would
go without his dinner rather than hurt
the feelings of dog. He had been
married only two years, and in that
time he had never said cross word to
his wife, and she always thought him
az near an angel as mortal man could
get and live on earth in these days of
political campaigns, prize fights and
other crime. He never took lunch down
town, never talked anything except
business with the girls at the telephone
EXCHANGE, and belonged to neither
lodge nor club; in short, he had always
been O model husband, and all of Mrs.
Bogfoats lady acquaintance envied
her, which made her bosom swell with
womanly pride. There came a day,
however, that showed Mrs. Bogfoat
that with all her husbands tenderness
and taffy he had a temper, and although
1t took TWO years for her to find 1T out,
when it was aroused it was no common,
everyday temper, but regular shorter,
one that would make section boss on
q railroad turn green with envy. Mr..
Bogfioat had just finished his supper,
and was preparing to sit down to enjoy
his evening paper, after hard days
work, when his wife said: Hubby,
love, would you mind getting the coal
stove out of the wood-shed, and putting
il mp this evening? The hired man
is out with torch-light procession and
i forgot to ask him until he had left"
Mr.. Bogfoat was somewhat staggered
at his wife's request; for In all his I'M
eventful career he had never held
wrestling match with coal stove, and
didn't know just exactly how to begin.
However, he consented, and, pulling
off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and,
after wading through kindling- wood,
old peach baskets, broken bedsteads,
etc, etc, he at last found the coal stove
half buried behind some blocks of soft
coal He went manfully to work clear
ing away the coal, and when the task
was nearly finished, he was surprised
to find that every little while he was on
the point of saying damn. A sort of
uncomfortable desire, as it were, to
swear seemed to possess him, and the
more he worked the greater was his
desire to say or do something wicked.
The coal stove wasn't very large, and,
after putting and blowing with an occa-
sional "darn the darned luck" he man
aged to shoulder the thing, and, with
the exception of falling down two steps,
with the stove on top of him, succeeded
in getting it into the house with no
more serious injuries than black eye
and couple of loose teeth. Mr.. Bog
float never was pretty, and the black
eve and jammed mouth didn't add to
his beauty at ALL Mrs. Boghoat was
sitting in the other room sewing some
buttons on her better-halfs unmen,
tionables, singing softly to herself,
"Papa's pants will soon fit Willie, when
her dainty shell-like ear was greeted with
sound that froze the blood in her veins.
where in Chicago are the limbs to this
stove," and then followed a
noise that sounded as though some one
was playing football with a tin pan.
Frightened almost to death, Mrs. b.
went into the other room, and there in
the center of the floor stood Mr.. b.
with his hair on end, and his shirt
ripped open in front, beating the floor
with coal hod. When she caught
sight of that old gold eye, bleeding
mouth, and coal dust, all blended to-
gether SO artistically, she collapsed like
q rubber balloon, and went off into a
dead faint, but soon regaiued conscious
ness, and after hunting around for
about half an hour, succeeded in find
ing the legs of the stove. Thinking
that everything would go smoothly
now, she returned to her sewing once
more, and left Mr.. Il. to fight it out
with the stove. She had been seated
but few minutes when again she was
Mortified to hear wailing and crashing
of teeth, and on going into the other
room found her husband trying to fit
two lengths of stove-pipe of the same
circumference together, and after
pounding the thing all cut of shape he
stood upon the step-ladder, bowling
and tearing his hair. People passing
the house thought that Bogfoat was
killing his wife, and called the patrol
wagon; but when it was ascertained
what had caused the trouble, the crowd
dispersed, and one old grass widower
shook his head as much as to say that
he had been there. The stove was left
for the hired man TO fix, and now Mrs
b. is very careful what she asks her
husband to do, while he would freeze
as stiff as g pickerel rather than go
near that blasted mass of cast IRON
Pecks Sun.
Now Kind ~ nao