The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-06-27

respect ior the King James version of
the Old Testament that he proposes
tn continue to swear by it. He says
the word sheol is not so soothing to
the pent-up feelings as the old one
"What brought you to prison, my
colored friend?" said philanthropic
visitor to New York prisoner, 1.-TWO
constables, sah." "Yes; but l mean
had intemperance anything to do with
it?". Eyes, sab dey was boi OF 'em
drunk"
In Lapland, where the nights are
from three to six months long, beaux
often kiss their sweethearts "good-
night" about six weeks before day
break. Their stock of caramels. pea
nuts and small talk becomes exhausted
by that time.
do you see that man going along
on the other side of the street,"
Eyes He looks like a tramp"
"He isn't, though. His is full of
brilliant achievements"
Indeed Who is he?"
"a lamp-lighter."
Grass grows fast, " says an exchange
Certainly who ever heard ofits grow
ing loose.
Some one says that liquor strength
ems the voice. This is a mistake, it
only makes the breath strong.
When you fite, yoost battle init
yourself, und ofer you got ticket, dhen
you vas a great succeed.
A new style of note paper is called
the Antique" When a young man
makes an epistolary proposal of mar
riage to II woman of 40 years and $40,-
600, he should use antique note pa
per-if '"fools"-cap is not handy.
Poor fellow. He lay in a stupor.
The physician had said that he could
not recover The minister came and,
bending over the bed, solemnly re-
marked: you must prepare for the
worst" The poor fellow, whose wife
had been doing the cooking, opened
!, his eyes and said; "Why, is dinner
e ready?"
Two shop girls were talking. "My
employer" said the pretty one, with a
toss Of her head, Says Pm an angel
t and he is just too handsome ror any
s use"
y "Bah," replied the homely one, with
n sneer, "angels must be right cheap
and plenty, when he won't pay them
:. more than 81 a week for sixteen hours
i work day
n A minis forgot to take his sermon
d with him to church, and his wife dis
,r covering his mistake sent it to him il
charge Of q small boy, who was to re
ceive ten cents for the job. Presently
!, he returned for the moneo "You de
:, livered the s;rmon did you" she ask
. ed. 81 jes' guy it to him; he's de
= liverin' of it himself"
Yes" said Mrs. Catchem, "thos'
is are my daughters over there on th'
ID sofa they have half million between
lr them" 1t was not until after the.
,e were married to those daughters, tha
O. the two young men who overhear'
A. the above remark found out that Mrs
Catchem referred to the rich old cod
:, ger who sat between the girls. Mrs
- Catchem couldn't tell fib, but sh
a. knew how to speak the truth advar
', tageously.
ot Yes, Sam, got home late agin d
'e- udder night, an, my mudder she say
in Chile, whar you bin out so late agi
dis yere night?' Use bin out calliI
-, on lady, says. Well, chile, VIII
an You don't come home fore midnight
:. she says. 'Kaze | couldn't git ava
before. Kaze the lady were settil
on my hat, an was too much Of
ar gemmen to call her 'tention to de ci
cumstance, says. Well, now, hol
ey,' she says, 'jes' look a-here, an yo
he member dis now, or you git left on
'h- Next time you visits lady jes' ket
= your hat off Yo' lap"
l. MOUNT McGREGoR, n. Y, June |
General Grant arrived here at q
7re this afternoon. The last stage OF Il
journey was the worst, as the joltil
'uv caused the General much pain al
fatigue
SARATOGA, n. Y, June ia d
patch from Mount MeGregor sa
Gen. Grant passed better night tn
for month past, and feels greatly G
49,, couraged. To-day he is able to Il
, his voice better than for some til
ho back, but he avoids talking, sayi
that he will let others do that.
ltee New YORK, June 1s.-- The S
says Roscoe Conkhng contempla
!, making three weeks trip to Cal