St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-26

Those tendrils wind around my heart,
The rosebud's thorns have made me smart
Would could think thou vert no snare,
o boutonniere.
-Argonaut.
THE HONEST LUNCHMAN.
Bill NYe Finds One at a Minnesota
Eating House.
Bill Nye, the great humorist, last week
visited Kasota Junction and stopped with
Mr. Holbrook, who runs the railroad eat
ing house at that place, as well as the Man
k alto bus and hack line, and this is what
the funny Bill had to say: Over at Kasota
Junction the other day I found a living
curiosity. He was man about medium
height perhaps about As years of age OF a
quiet disposition and not noticeable or pc
culiar in his general manner. He runs the
railroad eating-house at that point, and the
one odd Characteristic which he has makes
him well known all through three OF four
states. could not illustrate his eccentric
ity any better than by relating circum-
stance that occurred to me last week at the
junction. had just eaten breakfast there
and had paid for it! 1 stepped up to the
cigar case and asked this man if he had "a
rafting good cigar"
Without knowing it I had struck the very
point upon which this man seems to be
crank, if you will allow me that expression,
though it doesn't fit very well in this place.
He looked at me in sad and subdued man
ner and said:
''No, sir; haven't a rattling good cigar
in the house. have some cigars that l
bought for Havana filters, but they are
mostly filled with Colorado Maduro overalls!
There's box over yOnder that bought for
good, straight ten-cent cigars, but they are
only chaos of hay and Flora, Elmo and
damfno all socked into Wisconsin wrap
per. Over in the other end of the case is
brand of cigars that were to knock the tar
out of all other kinds of weeds, according
to the urhane rustler who sold them to me
and then drew on me before I could light
one of them. Well, instead of being fine
Colorado Claro with high-priced wrapper,
they are nothing but Mexican stinker in
Mother Hubbard wrapper. The:commercial
tourist who sold me those cigars and then
drew on me at sight, was good deal better
on the draw than his cigars are. If you
will notice, that each cigar has a
spinal column to it, and this outer debris is
wrapped around it, One man bought
cigar out of that box last week. told him,
though, just as am telling you, that they
were no good, and if he bought one he
would regret it. But he took one and went
out on the veranda to smoke it. Then he
stepped on melon rind and fell with great
force on his side. When we picked him up
he gasped once or twice and expired. We
opened his vest hurriedly and found that in
falling this Boquet de Gluefactory cigar,
with the spinal column, had been driven
through his breast bone and had penetrated
his heart. The wrapper of the cigar wasn't
so much as cracked"
but doesn't it impare your trade to run
on in this wild, reckless way about your
cigars?"
lit may at first, but not after awhile. l
always tell people what my cigars are made
of, and they can't blame me, so, after
awhile they get to believe what say about
them. often wonder why no cigar man
ever tried this before. do just the same
about my lunch counter. If man steps up
and wants fresh ham sandwich, l give it
to him if I've got it. and if l haven't it |
tell him so. If you turn my sandwiches
over you will find the date Of its publica-
ton on every one. If they are not fresh,
and have no fresh ones, tell the Gus
toner that they are not so blamed fresh as
| blC yOuuS luhl WlOl OliC SduAy AtiooetNhSs
but that can remember very well when
they were fresh. and if his artificial teeth
tit him pretty well he can try one.
Its just the same with boiled eggs. l
have a rubber dating stamp and as soon as
the eggs are turned over by the hen for in
spection, / date them. Then they are boiled
and another date in red is stamped on them.
If one of my clerks should date an egg
ahead, I would fire him too quick.
ION this account, people who know me
will skip meal at Missouri junction in
order to come here and eat things that are
not clouded with mystery. do not keep
any poor stuff if can help it, but if do, l
don't conceal the horrible fact.
''Of course new cook will sometimes
smuggle late date on a midieval egg and
sell it, but he has to change his name and
| flee.
81 suppose if every clearinghouse should
date everything and be square with the pub
lie, it would be an old story and wouldn't
pay, but as it is, no one trying to compete
with me, do well out of it, and people
come here out of curiosity good deal.
| 1.-THE reason try to do right and win the
public esteem is, that the general public
never did me any harm, and the majority of
people who travel are kind that may
meet in future state. L should hate to
have a thousand travelling men holding mug
gets of rancid ham sandwiches under my
nose through all eternity, and know that
| had lied about it.
s.It's an honest fact, if I knew that I'd
got to stand up and apologize for my hand
made, all-ar0und, seamless pies and quar-
antined cigars heaven would be no object.
t-Mankato Free Press.
I