The Wilmingtonian., 1885-01-17
HUMOROUS.

a bee line for home.
Mrs. Blinker asked Matilda, the house
servant, few nights ago: "What dreadful |
scratching is that out in the kitchenp It
must be the dog trying to get in. never
heard anything like it in my life." "Dat's
no dog scratching the doah. OATS de cook
wrtin a lub letter to her honey .suckle who
works ober in Chatham.
''Did you hear the news ~
mo, what is it,"
"Mrs. Blanks husband has died in Italy.
She is widow now. 1 feel right sorry for
her."
81 feel sorry for young Snobberly who
has been paying her attention ever since her
husband went away. He will have to mar
ry her now, expect"
"No, George, my mind is made up,' said
Miss Fussanfeather to her fiance, young
Crimsonheak, when that gentleman was
trying to persuade her to go somewhere
against her will.
us it, replied he, rather tartly.
"Yes, it is, was her firm reply.
"Well, it isn't the only thing that's made
up about you," said the blooming blood,
brushing the powder from the lapel of
his coat, and reaching for his hat.-States-
man.
A RAILROAD RoBBER.
'Well, Tom, have you had any good piclsin'
lately p"
"Yon bet. l robbed railroad company
last night"
"How?"
"Oh, held up a conductor and took his
months salary away from him.
''Pshaw, that amt robbin' the company
of anything"
"Ain't it, though? You just wait. The
job ain't but half done yet. The conduc-
torll tend to the rest of it.
LESSONS IN ASTRONOMY.
They were young and romantic and
although the minute hand was pointing to
IL O'Clock, they stood upon the porch gazing
at the stars.
'That's Jupiter, DEAR isn't it ?" she mur.
INJURED,
YES pet, and that is Sirius" he replied,
pointing to another star.
'Are you Sirius ?" she cooed.
He kissed her several times. Then he
pointed upward and said
'That's Mars, dove"
"And that's pa, she whispered, as a foot
step sounded inside, aud if the young mar
hadn't scooted he would have seen more
stars than he ever dreamed of. Her u;
wears 12! with brass toe.
THEY HAD BETTER STAY AWAY.
81 like to know about some office under
Cleveland ?" he said as he beckoned law
yer across the street from the door of hi
saloon.
"Well, what is it?"
81 like to know if | vhas to haf som
office. My place vhas headquarters las
fall for Cleveland CLUBS, und all der boss tel
me vhas sure of something fat"
''Then you are looking for something's
''Vell, l dunno When Cleveland vha
elected der poys began to drop in here. On
of 'em he says: "Vhat postmaster you vii
make for Detroit? By George! wish
WAS you y Yhell, dot tickles me, yo
know, und treat the crowd to peer. Poot
soon anoder crowd comes in, und of de
, poys calls oudt:
''Let dis convention come to some order
We vhas now in der presence of der mex
, boss of der Custom House. l calls for thre
cheers for Carl Dunder!
: "Then he says dot feels good all oafeI
, und it seems right too set up der peer"
II see."
: "Fhell almost eafery night gang com
aroundt to my place to shake me py de
hand und somebody sayf:
| 'liip! hip! huIrahl Carl Dunbar VII;
solid init der coming administration! f
: picks oundt der fattest office for himsel
und ne remempers his friends init der lea
= onesn
2 "Vhen somepody talks like dot l fee
shmley und SOFT und tap a new keg
lager. Now, l like to ask you if | vhf
F.: right. My poy Shake ys l doan' get
=, much as IA smell of office, undt my oil,
woman says der poys make fool of me-"
81 guess they are right.
Don't you pellet l vhas der Gustol
{ House?''
mo, Sir"
''Nor der Bostoffice
"No, SIR
"Don't hsf some place at So, 900 yearq
81 doubt it,
Wasn't even invited down to Washn
'' ton to see Cleveland go nit der Viii
: House?"
. Not unless you invite yourself"
'Vhelll vhell! So Shake und der oI
woman vhas right, uud der poys vhas pu
ting some soft soap on me Say ?"
eyes y
dot vhas al! right, but | like to S;
something und doan' you forget him t
night dot same crowd comes aroundt her
und somepody Will begin to hurrah for d
next postmaster. You ought to be her
Der dog Will be loose, and shall haf ty
CLUBS handy, and you will see fifteen me
in such hurry to get oudt doors dot Y,
pellet some earthquakes vhas shaking o,
Detroit! Shust come aroundt und see ho
disaI pointed ofice-seeker vhill handle ty
CLUBS und a phil dog Detroit Free Press