davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Bill Nye Gets Left.

| aimed my panic-price cane at
the driver of a cream -colored car
with a blue stomach, and remarked,
"Ah, therep' l went inside, clear to
the further end, and sat down by the
side of Il young woman who filled
the whole car with sunshine. | was
so happy that gave the conductor
half dollar, and told him he might
keep the change. If by chance she
sees this, | hope she will remember
me- Pretty soon a very fat woman
came into the car and aimed for our
quarter. She evidently intended to
squat between this fair girl and my
self. But alb, thought | to myself in
low tone of voice, l will fool thee
So | showed my person along in the
seat toward the sweet girl of the Bay
State. The corpulent party, whose
name I did not learn, had in the
meantime backed up to where she
had detected a slight vacancy, and
where | had seen fit to place N.Y.
self At that moment she heaved a
sigh of relief, and assisted by the
motion of the car. which Just then
turned a corner, she sat down in my
lap and nestled in my bosom like Il
tired baby elephant.
Dear reader, if were to tell you
that the crystal OF my watch was
picked out from under my shoulder
blades the next day, you would not
believe it, would you ?"
will not strain your faith in me
by making that statement, but
that was the heayiest woman l ever
held.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Language OF The Red Indians.

One singular fact is the infinite
diversity of language. Not only
every tribe, butevery band, of which
there are sometimes fifty in single
tribe, has its own dialect or jargon
perfectly unintelligible to all who dc
not belong to that band. In all
times the Indians have disdained to
learn few words of an enemy (
language. Stranger yet, the Chey-
ennes and Arrapahoes for three
quarters of a century nave been firm
friends, camping and hunting to-
gether. and making war upon the
same enemies at the same time. The
children romp and play together in
the common camp. Yet not one in
ten of either tribe can hold the most
ordinary conversation in the Ian
guage of the other.
Unaole 10 speak each others Ian
guage, the Indians of the West have
constructed a wonderful sign lam
guage by which they hold inter
course. Gestures, signs are more or
less natural to every one. Among
the plains Indians alone have they
reached their most wonderful devel-
opment. So complicated and elab-
crate is this sign language, consist
ing of countless gestures and move
ments. the slightest variation in
which marks wide difference in
meaning, that only a few Indians in
the tribe are complete masters of it,
and the masses can only use it
slightly.
The signs do not indicate letters
or words, as with the deaf and
dumb, but ideas. There is one sign
to indicate hunger, another for stop
talking, another for summer, and
so on infinitely. Yet an expert will
either make or interpret long
speech, which consists of an infinite
number of signs following each 9TH
er with lightning-like rapidity. Two
strange Indians will meet on horse
back, each unable to understand a
spoken word of the other, and while
holding the reins with the left hand
will converse for hours with the
right, without single misunder-
standing.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Beer In q Mince f-ie.

One looked as sour as a lemon
factory and the other looked ex-
tremely jolly as they met on the
street yesterday.
"You look as vacant as hatful
of bungholes, Jones'" said the sweet
man to the sour man. Whats the
matter?'
"I'm sick all over"
"Wbat ails you?"
"I don't know whether I've played
a trick upon myself or my wife
played one upon me, but I'm sick,
all the same, and I've just commun-
ed with lamp-post until I'm as
hollow as a water-main."
Tell me about it"
well, you see, my wife's strict
temperance woman, and I'm fond
of little beer occasionally. The
other night | took home a dozen
bottles, labelled them cider and put
them into the refrigerator. Thus l
could have bottle of cider (?) at
dinner every day and my wife didn't
drop.
Il am also very fond of mince-
pie, and the other day / asked my
wife to make me Just lone one, as
she don't eat them. She made me
one all for myself. I'd only arrived
at the first station when | struck
something queer
"'What makes the pie taste so
queer?' l asked.
az can't imagine. Does it? she
asked.
"'What did you put in it p l in
quired.
"'The usual concomitants, and as
/ abhor brandy l put some of that
cider in it, said she.
Although | felt my boots work.
ing up to my collar button, didn't
dare say anything and l was COM
PEELED to gobble down every morsel
of that pie. I've bribed Tommy to
investigate, for think my mother
in-law put the job up. 1t she did.
there's going to be picnic the next
time she drinks cup O. tea"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
What it Cost.

We have frequently called atten-
tion to the possible improbable cost
of producing a very large amount
of butter and the pretty certain
damage to the COW. In competition
of breeds and individual animals
to make the best record there is fre-
quently an immense amount Of alb
surdity. The owner of a certain
cow, in order to excede the record of
another cow, is said to have fed 142
pounds of solid food per day, and
he exceeded the other cows record
by Just one-half pound in a week.
A writer, in referring to it says: Is
it possible that any COW could con-
sumo so much food in a day and
continue it for week p? This makes
994 pounds of food eaten in a week
by COW said to weigh 900 pounds
He got q pounds and ten ounces of
salted butter, one half an ounce
ahead of any previous record (hN
ought to have put in six ounces
more salt and had an even four
pounds a day, but was the play
worth the candle? Was the butter
at any reasonable market price worth
the food consumed and the care Civ
en-? Unless such tests show econo-
mic results they are absolutely val
ueless. Apart from the fact that no
economic results ere shown, it is
much to be feared that such sys
tenn of forced feeding will perma-
nently injure the constitutions of
the animals or of their progeny.
Everybody with good common sense
will have no difficulty in answering
the questions asked.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
A Scrap of Tartar History

The remarkable workmanship OF
the Tartars is proverbial. Their ia
vorite weapon is long curved ci-
metar, quite different from that OF
the Turks. 1t is made of the finest
of steel richly alloyed silver, and a
SWORD becomes an heirloom in a
family and descends to TIE first
born so long as the race exists.
When the last representative of the
family dies his sword which, may
have come to him from hundred
generations, is broken and buried
with him. The blades of the weap-
ons, which are beaten out on an
onyx stone anvil In the ancient Mo
gul city of Taztchintzy, the Holy
Place, are very thin. and the won
derful feats performed with them
are astonishing.
Once when Robo, the cousin of
the great Mogul, was caught in a
rebellion. his execution was ordered.
The most skillful swordsman of the
empire was provided for the behead-
ing, and the Great Mogul and bis
court assembled to see it. For a
second the keen Tarter blade fash
in the sunlight, and then decended
upon the bare neck of Robo, who
stood upright to receive the stroke.
The sharp steel passed through the
vertebr9, muscles and organs of the
neck, but 80 swift was the blow and
so keen the blade that the head did
not fall, but kept its exact position,
and not a vital organ was disturbed.
In surprise the Great Mogul ex-
claimed: What, Robo, ar. thou not
beheaded ?"
MY lord, | am," replied Robo,
"but so long as | keep my balance
right my head will not fall off" The
Great Mogul was so pleased withthe
deftnesss of the execuioner that he
ordered bandage to be tied on, and
Robo speedily recovered. He after
wards become loyal subject, and
was made cashier of the empire, be-
cause, as the Great Mogul remarked:
He knows that if he keeps his bal
ances right his head will not come
off," 1t is one of those curious
scraps of history thar are often over
looked.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Jones at the Circus.

When | was a boy / went to a
circus And | haven't been to a
circus since | Joined the church.
have had too much self-respect, and
so has any other man who has self
respect enough to have religion
When | used to go to circuses no.
body but poor white trash and mig.
gers went, and reckon it's that way
yet.
Well, was powerful hand to
take in the outside part of the show,
and while | was a bogin' round on
the outside | saw a couple of men
toting great bunch of dirty looking
canvass along, and | followed them
to where they was sort of an oven.
Well, these men built up fire in
the oven and then they hung up the
canvass and put its mouth over the
chimney, and pretty soon the can
vass began to Initiate and expand
and 10 little while it bad develop
ed into a magnificent balloon. Now
a man got into the carriage, and at
a word the straps were cut and the
balloon floated gracefully into the
air, and now looking back upon the
earth seemed to say, I" could have
carried fifty of you Just as easy
as one" have seen many Meth
odist and many Baptist who had
to be dragged to PRAYER meeting like
that piece of canvass and held over
Gcd's furnace till it had expanded
with the love of God, and when they
once get to floating they look back
and gather not one, but fifty oftheir
brethren and bring them along to
the prayer meeting with them.
From Sam Jones Sermon.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Trimming . Zebra's Hoofs.

Early Saturday morning Superin-
tendent Brown, of the Geological
Garden, put on his working clothes
and, assisted by his lieutenant, ]. P.
Bryne, marshalled at headquarters
his entire available force of keepers.
Several of them had long ropes, and
one man carried an armful of stout
rawhide straps. Butcher Dickerson
who kills all the superannuated
horses that are fed to the lions and
tigers, carried a big meat saw in one
hand and a sharp knife in the other.
Men," said the superintendent,
when the squad came to attention
in front of his office, I'VE are going
to pare down the zebra's hoofs.
He took the head of the line and
marched boldly across the garden,
halting at last in front of the pad
dock in which a zebra contentedly
nibbled the short grass. For some
time the animals hoofs have been
growing at an alarming rate, and
the superintendent had determined
to reduce them in size. The keepers
climbed the fence and the zebra
stopped feeding and laid back his
ears. Keeper Floyd. who has had
experience as a roper, coiled his las
SO and twirled it in the air. The ze-
bra twitche1 his tail and shook his
head. Finally the cast was made
and the moose curved gracefully
through the air and settled over the
zebra's head. With a quick, ducking
movement he threw it off, and then
squealing viciously rushed for the
group of keepers. For several min
utes the air was full of gray uniforms,
but when the zebra kicked off pal
ing and nearly stood on his head
just to show what he could do, he
seemed to be satisfied and returned
to his grass. The keepers crept back
less boldly and Keeper Floyd pre-
pared to attack the enemy in the
rear.
He coiled his rope again and this
time succeeded in making success
full cast. The zebra, when the rope
touched its neck, started to run, and
Floyd yelled for assistance and
clung to the rope. The moose tight
ened, and the zebra began to kick
and plunge. The entire force of
keepers grabbed the other end of the
rope and finally succeeded in throw
ing the wiry animal.
The zebra squealed with rage,
kicked. and squirmed and struck
out with his fore feet, but Ford hung
to his neck and Pendegrast seized
the animals hanks and adroitly
lodged his elongated feet, which
were flying through air ten strokes
to the second. The other keepers
rushed forward with their ropes and
straps and after fifteen minutes of
hard work succeeded in binding the
zebra's legs together, rendering him
helpless. Then Butcher Dickinson
rolled up his sleeves and, directed
by Superintendent Brown, sawed
off the abnormal growth of horn on
each of the zebra's hoofs. With his
knife he rounded them up nicely,
and when the job was done to bis
satisfaction stepped back while
Keeper Floyd cut the ropes and
straps that were twisted about the
zebra's legs. For an instant the an
imal lay notionless, and then leap
ing up made rush at the keepers,
and in a quarter of minute saw
the last gray coat fly over the fence.
Times.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
How they Order IL IN France.

If the teller of French bank has
doubts as to the honesty Of an un'
known customer, he does not trust
to his memory to recall the features
of the person he suspects, but calls
on science to protect the bank. He
gives private signal to the cashier,
and that responsible officer, while
the teller is in the act of making
payment brings the Photographic
camera conveniently placed beside
him, but invisible to the customers
to bear upon the unsuspecting par
t., and on leaving the bank be
leaves proof of his identity behind
him without in any degree being
conscious of the fact. As this ex-
pertinent has only been at work a
short time, it would be premature tc
pass a hasty judgement upon it;
merits.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Curious Custom in Russia.

The village of Minussinsk, in Rus
sia, has been troubled by the pest
among its COWS, and the conscript
fathers of the community held a
meeting to decide upon the best
means of putting stop to the ca
lamity. 1t was agreed that resort
should be had to the old Slavonic
custom of round ploughing. A Rus
sian paper gives an account of the
process. Seven virgins, two old
women and a young bachelor of good
character are elected At midnight
a procession of the peasants is form
ed, led by the two old women carry
ing pictures of saints. In the rear
of the procession the seven maidens
are harnessed to a plough, which is
guided by the young man. A light
furrow is ploughed around the vii
lage; and thereby, according to the
belief of the local agriculturists, a
barrier is provided against the evil
spirit. He has no power 70 pass
over the mystical furrow.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11

when Ned Armour threw aside his
paper, and strobe forward.
" Don's be too fast!" he ex-
claimed.
1t was the first time that Ned had
ever interfered in a business consul
tation, and his uncle looked up sur
prised.
Why, what do you know about
it ?" asked the latter.
i've a witness in my private
room 1 think you'd better examine
before proceeding further, answered
Ned. Wait a moment, and I'll
bring him."
Ned stepped out and returned i'm
mediately, escorting an infirm old
man, whose eye flashed as it fell on
the covering countenance of the
would-be heir.
"Tell these gentlemen who you
are" said Ned, though one of them
doesn't seem to need the informa-
tion."
am Antoine Bertrand" replied
the old man proudly, "the brother
and heir of him on whose fortune
this base wretch seeks to lay his law
less grasp. 1t was this villain, when
the star Of my illustrions chief went
down at Waterloo, who, through
perjury and fraud drove me into ex-
lie, and received, as the reward of
his perjury, my entire wealth. The
proofs he now presents are as false
as those he manufactured then, but
/ have the documents here which
will leave no doubt as TO my right"
The false heir did not remain to
see inspected the packet of papers
which the old man presented. Suf-
flee it to say, they were found in all
respects correct Marie Bertrand
was now a match for the wealthiest
man in the land, and when Ned told
his uncle that it was she whom he
had picked out for a wife, the old
gentleman didn't object neither
did Marie nor her father and Ned
Armour lived for many years, the
happiest of husbands.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Where She found IL.

"Some twenty years ago. said tht
mild faced stranger, my wife, while
sewing, suddenly missed her needle
She saw nothing more of it, and soor
forgot all about it until last week
when"
"When she suddenly felt a prick
ing sensation in her right foot" sug-
gested Doodle.
when the point of the needle
showed itself between her shoulder
blades" guessed Coodle.
when the needle was seen pro-
truding from her youngest daugh-
ter's left forefinger," intimated Doo-
die.
"No;;" said the mild-faced stranger
"you are all wrong. She found il
in a crack in the floor. 1t had been
there all those years. Singular
wasn't it?" There was a common
desire to weller in the blood of the
mild-faced stranger but with diff
Guilty Doodle, Coodle and Doodle
restrained themselves.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Fall Planting OF Bulbs.

BY all means plant some bulb:
this fall. In no way can you ex.
pend a small amount of money in
the garden to make it give you
more satisfaction. Tulips, hya.
cinths, crocuses and narcissuses
bloom early in the season, before
any other plants are large enough
or advanced enough to produce flow.
ers in any satisfactory amount
They are so brilliant, and keep their
beauty so long that no garden can
afford to De without them. Two OF
three dollars will buy quite aquanti-
ty of mixed bulbs nowadays, and
the mixed collection is quite as sat.
isfactory to most lovers of flowers as
the named bulbs are. which will
quite likely cost as much, singly, as
dozen of the unnamed ones, and
prove to be more beautiful.
These bulbs should be procured
and planted in October. Select a
place for them where the ground can
be kept free from water in the
spring. If not naturally we'll drain
ed renew the soil to the depth of a
foot or more and put in brick, old
bones, broken crockery and any,
thing which will hold up the soil
you have removed, sufficiently when
it is returned, to allow all surplus
water to drain out of it. Make this
soil rich with old and perfectly rot
ten manure from a yard in which
cows have been kept. No other is
so good for bulbs. Incorporate it
through the earth in which your
bulbs are to be planted. This is all
there is to be done until you set out
your bulbs. When you do that put
the larger ones, like tulips and hya-
cinths, four or five inches under the
soil and about eight inches apart.
The smaller ones can be planted
more closely together, and not quite
as deep. When cold weather sets in
it is well to cover the beds with
some coarse litter from the barn.
yard. This must be removed as
the plants begin to come up in
spring.
After they have bloomed ANIMALS
can be planted IN the bed. without
interfering in the least with the
bulbs. Do not cut off the tops. but
let them ripen and die off to suit
themselves. In planting them, do
not set them out in a haphazard
way, but keep each variety by itself.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
The Philosophy of Bonnets.

Think of man 100 years old
talking about bonnets Yet that is
Just what NJ. Chevreul, the famous
French chemist, delights to do. His
observations on the head dress are
curious, and may guide ladies in
their visits to the milliners. He
says a black bonnet, with white,
pink or red feathers or flowers suits
fair complexion. 1t does not 90
badly with brunettes, although the
effect is not so good, but they may
add orange or yellow flowers or
feathers. A white hat is only suita-
BILE for forid compilations, whether
blondes or brunettes. Gauze, Grape
or tulle bonnets suit all complex
ions. A white bonnet for blonde
should have white or pink flowers
blueis still better. Brunettes should
avoid blue, and rather choose red,
pink or orange Light blue bonnets
are especially suitable for fair per-
sons They may be trimmed with
white flowers, or even yellow or or
ange is indispensable. A green bon
net sets off a pale or slightly colored
complexion; it may be trimmed
with white, red or pink flowers. A
pink bonnet should not be worn too
near the face, but should be separat-
ed by the hair or by white or
green inside trimming, the color es-
pecially. White flowers with an
abundance OF leaves, produce good
effect On pink. A dark red bonnet
is only suitable for persons with a
highly colored complexion Avoid
yellow or orange Donnets. Violet is
not to be recommended unless sepa.
rated from the face, not only by the
hair, but by yellow accessories also.
The same precaution should be tax
en- for yellow bonnets, which can
only be worn by brunettes, with
blue or violet trimmings.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
HAND IN HAND.
The boats go sailing, sailing

The boats go sailing. sailing
Over silver sea
The wind has hushed its wailing
Through bush and tree.
Hand in hand, let us fare together
Through the sunny and windy weather
The birds have hushed their chorus;
Stars, through the twilight soft
viii soon be giimmering o'er us
The moons aloft.
Hand in hand, let us hold together,
Through the dark and starlit weather.
With dewy drops of healing,
The thirsty grass is pearled:
A Sabbath calm is stealing
About the world.
Hand in hand, let us fare together,
Thro' working days and Sabbath weather.
The little flowers are sleeping
The sun is out of sight.
God have us in His keeping
All through the night!
Tomorrow let US fare together,
Still onward thro' the changing weather.
The Qliirer.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11

This name is go familiar with the
people throughout the United States
that it is hardly necessary to state
that he is the originator of the great
DR.. Bosanko Cough and Lung Syr-
up, the favorite remedy wherever
known, for Coughs, Colds. Consump-
ton and all affections of the Throat
and Lungs. Price so cents and 81.
Sold BY C. N. Boyd.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
Whole Family Poisoned.

GREENsBURG, October ga mar
row escape from death occurred yes
Ierday at Manor. John Steiner was
sick and asked his wife to make him
some boneset tea. She took the
wrong herbs, some '.jimson weed, "
which Mr.. Steiner had to smoke for
the asthma, and the tea was drank
oy the whole family. Soon alarm
ing symptoms began to show them
selves and a physician was called.
He found out the circumstances and
gave them some relief They may
recover, but are yet in precarious
condition.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
A Great Storm IN Labrador.

HALIFAX, October "a great
storm ragged off the coast of Labra-
dor on the 11th inst, doing immense
damage among the fishing fleet gath
cred there. Eighty vessels were
wrecked, and at least seventy men
were lost. Two thousand persons
are now ashore in destitute condi-
ton. The news has created great ex-
citement here. Steamers will be i'm
mediately dispatched to the scene OF
the disaster with provisions, cloth
ing and other comforts for the cast
aways.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
A Railroad Mans Views

Mr.. Joseph Hickson, the agent in
Toronto, Canada. OF the New York,
West Shore and Buffalo Railroad
Company, is well known throughout
the Dominion. He writes that for
several weeks his little girl was i'll
with bronchitis. He used different
preparations and also had her treat
ed by physician, but without effect
Finally he tried Red Star Cough
Cure, and before one bottle was fin
ished she was perfectly well.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-11-11
$a,5o0,OOO For Education.

SAN Francisco, Oct. Ex-senator
Leland Stanford has given orders to
deed in trust his three immense
ranches, known as Vina, Gridley
and Palo Alto. for endowment of a
university and schools about to be
erected at Palo Alta in memory OF
his dead son. The three ranches
con- prise 5000 acres, and together
represent a value of s3,500,0O0. II
is Senator Stanford's intention to
make this institution the best in this
country 7 Europe, and the ablesi
professors will be secured both at
home and abroad.