Milford chronicle., 1885-01-23
TEXAS PACIFIC FIGURES.

q asked the price he replied:
t "Down-way down. Rat-traps hay
! followed Wabash, and you can take you
9 pick for fifty cents. p"
/ "But that's too high"
f "Well, being as Western Union hai
! shrunk you can take one at forty-fYe. y
: "Too high"
( "Well, I must follow New York Cen
trail. Well say forty"
J Come down."
''Say, mister, do you want rat-tral
at Texas Pacific figures ?" asked the ole
man.
, "What are they p
"Why, you take a trap for nothing
and I'll give you quarter to buy
cheese with. - VAL Street Net0s.
THE RHINocERos AND THE LAWYER.
A Rhinoceros, having run down 9
Lawyer, stood over the Prostrate mar
for a Moment to glOat upon his Prize
when the Victim made an Earnest Ap
peal for his life, claiming that he would
some day Return the great Favor The
Rhinoceros Deliberated for while, and
then Decided to let the Lawyer go.
Several weeks afterward the Beast got
into Row with an Elephant and killed
- end Fearing trouble he went to the
/ IL: s.s and said 4Now is your time to
ReGnqf By the lamentedy yVTssit Vdsts' itss'sS0 to De,
fend my case. 'Uh--ah-e&ss.isEtll,y:
stammered the Lawyer, "but you arc
iust too late. Only last night the
Friends of the Elephant Retained me to
help Prosecute you. Sorry, you Know,
but first come first Served" Moral
When you get a lawyer on the Hip
never let go.-DetrOit Free Press.
TRUE FOR A YEAR.
"What is that you say2 Harry mar
ried Well, I'll never believe in men
again.
"Why p
"The oaths of love that man swore
to me r.
"Well, but you threw him over.
] You've been married three months"
! 81 don't care. He was so devoted to
me, and when Jack proposed to me and
accepted, Harry declared that he
would be true to my memory and
mourn me as one dead to him. "
"Well, it's Of no consequence now to
you"
'He might have been decent about it.
He might have remained true to me for
ayear, anyhow. San Francisco CBroil-
icJs.
IT KNOCKED OUT HoMEsIcKNEss.
A young woman recently from the
Emerald Isle occupies the position Of
domestic in a mansion in the immediate
vicinity of the Homeopathic Hospital in
Boston. A few days ago friend called
upon her, when the following colloquy
ensued:
"And aren't yez homesick, Bridget2"
"Homesick, no; why should I be
homesick ?"
"Bein' away from home and every
thing so strange like"
"Faix then it's the same as if was at
home 1 feel. Isn't the fine hospital,
the Home o. Patrick, close on there
beYant ?"-BOStOn Courier.
SCATTERED THE ENJOYMENT.
"Sure, he got on bit av a sphree,
Mrs. McGlagerty, the selfish ould baste
that he is, bad luck to him; and that
did he do. dye think ? Why, Bridget,
darlint, he went as sthraight home as
the handle av hod, locked himself up
in the house, and there, begora, he
sthaid till he was as sober as Pat Dom
ovan's mule, an niver gave the neigh
hors one bit av the benefit, not by so
much as the shmell av his breath. |
When my mon does ony thing av
that sclt he goes sthraight into the |
middle av the sthreet, and scathers en-
iyment wheriver he goes. Chicago |
Ledger.
HOW FREDDY ENTERTAINED HER.
"Mamma," cried little Freddy, as his
mother entered the house, "Mrs. Smith
has been here. She waited a long
time"
''Did she ? and did you entertain her,
Freddy ?"
"I guess SO, mamma; It any rate, she
laughed lots"
''Yes. What did you say to her ?"
'Lots O. things. She asked me how
Did I was, and when I told her was
Eve, just the same number of years you
we're older than papa, 1 guess she
thought it was real funny. You oughter
heard her laugh"
FOLLOWING THE PATTERN.
He was from Boston, and had told her
that Boston set the pattern in almoste ev-
srything for all other cities in the Union.
ITO change the subject" he said,
isn't it strange that of all the internal
sent to people nowadays not
me ever gees off ?"
She supprer sed a yawn and replied,
They probably follow the pattern of
Boston young men,"
He went off as soon as he could get
nto his overcoat and hat - Chicago
Ni0S.
Everybody seems to be busy here" J
EN- lrked a Newman man to friend he
'as visiting in Tuscola.
"Oi course they are, said the Tuscola
ian. "You see, our people have started
creamery and are making large guam
tics of butter and cheese,
''But that surely don't give everybody
/ Tuscola employment ?"
"Oh, yes, it does r. t
"How?" '
"Why, in trying to get the taste out i,
{ their mouths l''-NelODsGn hldepeRd- t.
at c
A LOVE SICK SWAIN. S
"What can [ do to make you love )
e ?" asked a South Side love-sick
vain of his inamorata, the other even
g. o
Buy me a diamond ring, a sealskin \
eque, stop eating onions and tobacco, |
We over shifting and whining, throw Il
,ur shoulders back when you walk and r.
Y to be man !" a
The youth thinks he will not be able Il
follow the recipe, and is now in search d
some other girl who will name easier a.
Carl Pretzeps Weekly.
SINGLE FROM CHOICE. a,
Glow is it you never married, Char. IS
n" r
"Oh, don't know, exceptI remained Il
lgle from choice. Al
why, I heard that you tried to get
at Podgkins girl year or two ago.
,lYas / did naE har tn rlnal.r.r ~ . A