Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1885-02-20
Volume XII. mo. SO,
The LimeKiln Club.

| 4A0 xAAWC -0AAA VAUOs
eve hev got Bsptists, Methodists
an Unavarsalists in dis club" said
Brother Gardner, as he opened the
meeting, "an' is panied to diskiber
dat you hev many arguments among
you as to which religuB am de bes' to
lib by. Fack am, some of you hev bin
poundin' each odder ober do matter,
an it has come to dat pass dat sum.
thin mus be did. Elder Toots, you
an Whalebone Howker step dis way"
The mem bers mentioned trotted to
the front, and the President contin-
ued:
zone of you am . Methodist an DO
odder Baptist, an de odder arter-
noon you quarreled kase couldn't agree
which rel gun am de best. l has .
very high respect fur true religun-
de religun dat keeps men moral an
upright an honest an conscientius,
but want to say to you dat neither
one of you have enuff religun to worry
over-much less quarrel about. 1t am
de same as nine tenths of de religun
Of to-day. You pray, but it takes you
a long time to pay yer honest debts.
You sing, but you want do big eand
of ebery trade. You pity de poo sim
ners, but Heaven help de man who
takes your word fur it in hoss trade!
In odder words, in spite of all your
Sunday sanctimony, l wouldn't give
thirty cents on de dollar fur de debts
you am owing.
can what l say to you mean fur
a big sheer Of de ginersl public. Re-
ligun am beiu' used az cloak by many
Of de sleek sided rascals 10 die kentry.
Men who cheat, lie, swear an swihdle
six days in de week am quite sartin to
turn up in de church on de seventh.
De louder deir protestashouns Of re-
ligun de mo- deviltry de man am up to-
When find dat gun relieun keeps you
At work, smoothes ober quarrels, makes
you honest an cultivates q. forgivin'
speerit, III support you wild my las
dollar. Under present circumstances
you'd better DO less prsyin' an mo-
hard work-less singin an curb your
tempers. You kin sot down now, but
de mex time dsr am any quarrelin' in
dis club ober de subjict menshuned,
somebody will hear sumthin' drsp."
The Rev. Psnstock arose and de-
clared the Presidents assertions too
sweeping. For instance, he was an
ex-minister and claimed to live re.
ligious life. Could the President i'm.
pugn his consistency?
"Brother Penstock," answered tho
old man, 81 has heard you pray AZ.
preach an sing. an l know you calls
yers"lf Christian man, but whsr' am
dat So borryed of Pickles Smith eigh.
teen months ago? Whar am dat blind
dog you traded viii Samuel Shin fur y
pistol? What has become Of dat bogus
watch you traded wild Giveadsm Jones
fur one of de bes' wheelbarrers sber
seen in America? What did you set.
tie butcher bill fur fifty cents on de
dollar? How does it happen dat you
borrey yer -four an' tea an coffee Of de
nayburs? Who beat Elder Toots out
of mewl WORT $1O0?"
The Rev. Penstock made no reply.
He simply sat down like . man who
had had u two horse term driven over
him.
The Secretary announced . Litter
from Cowslip Singletoe, an honorary
member of the club At Meridian, Miss.,
asking if-taking present circum-
stances into consideration-thcrs Was
any call for the colored man to walk
fourteen miles to a political meeting.
"Dar' hain't now, an dsr' nebber
was" replied the President. "De less
de Guild folkse. know bout pollyticks,
Republican or Dimocratic, de mo- fat
he .ill hev on his ribs. Let him keep
at work, be honest an truthful, an he
will hev de goodwill of all white folks
an all parties, Let him Become an
idler an run arter pollyticks, an do
odder will hate him fur bein' one"
cam Trustee Pullback in de hall?"
asked the President after u long and
ominous silence.
Pulltack limped forward.
"Brudder Pullback," continued the
President, ''it war announced in de
papers dat de world was to come to an
eand on de mawnin' of de 5th isst."
eyes, sah."
81 Farm dat you sot up all night on
de night of de 4th maxim de biggest
kind Of q racket. About an hour be.
TO- daylight you crawled under de bed
an left yer family to shift for dem
selves. Am dis true?"
eyes, sah."
"Den it am my solemn dooty to fine
you $500 an costs. l warned you long
ago dat dis club doan' believe in signs,
ghosts, dreams, lucky numbers nor
Judgment days, an you has got to psy
de penalty"
Brother Pullback returned to his
seat crushed man. His income 10
about dollar a day, and he has .
family of sixteen persons on his hands
to clothe and feed.