The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1885-11-05
Brother Gardiner on AIatrimony.

81 should like to spoke = few re-
marks to Brudder Side Bar Skinner, -
observed the President, as the dust be.
gan to settle in Paradise Hall
Brother Skinner, who is a young
man of %. with mild eye and u lilac
necktie, advanced to the trout, and the
President continued;
'.Brudder Skinner, do news has reach
ed my ears dat you am about to be
mar'd. trus' dat dc report am true,
bekase l believe it am dc dooty of cherry
young man who kin support q wife to
take one"
lit am true. sah,"
'.Den let me compliment you wild ono
hand an spoke few remarks to you
wild de oddcr. Gittin' mar'd has its
VERY serious side. Fur instance, am
de gal gwine to marry you bckase she
loves you, or to spite her folks bekase
dey kept her away from de skatin'
rinkP Am you gwine to marry do gal
for love, or bckase her father has some
wealth which you hope he'll shell out
fur your benefit?
'.Love am powerful emoshun, Brud-
der Skinner, but love widout pork and
taters to keep it goin' am like do froth
on top of soda water.
''Don't mistake your sentiments. If
you am sartin dat you love, 60 ahead.
If it EN- only loi,ypop, hire out as q
deck hand ON steamboat fur a week
an it will go away. hev known
couples CT seemed to be dyin' of love.
Deir silly ackshuns made EN- the latin
stock of a hull nayburhood. Dey SEEM
cd to doto and dote. but it didn't last.
Arter couple of Vars de husband war
homo grumbler an tyrant, an ds
vito gadabout an scold. What dey
s'posed was love war; only lollypop.
"Doan' marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set You up in &c barber bis
ness. Most fadder-in-laws not only
want all dey hcz got but am willin' to
struggle fur another so, Goa
'.Doan' sot down an fgger DIST fo'
taters. loaf of bread. half pound of
meat an quart OF applesass am goin'
to run you for week. You will want
all do salary you kin airn, an you had
better look aroun' an find somebody
who will lend you dollar now an
then.
"Doan' fatter yourselves dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de house an
kiss ober de gate. You'll be hungry
fur con beef an baked beans; your
cioze will war cut; your flour an but
ter will waste away, an bill fur two
months rent will send chill down yer
back. De man or woman who specks
dat mar'd life am green an shady
lane, lined wild orange blossoms on one
side an ten-dollar bills on de odder,
am gwinc to wake up some day an
find de rats leavin' de place in dignst.
''Think of desc things, Brudder Skim
ner. You kin get wife in about five
minutes, but it takes five Vars to git
shet of some of 'em. Expeck about one
days sunshine fur week of cloudy
weather. Reckon on house rent comm
due de fust of ebery month. an de gro
Ger an butcher keepin' an eye out fur
you each Saturday night 1t will smaze
you how tic woodpiie decides an how
de flour gifts outen de bar'l so soon.
Doan' walk into matrimOny like lobs-
ter into box. but tigger On whether
dc bait am wuth dc risks. If you con-
clude to mary, you kin depend on dis
club attendin' de obsequies in body.
bringin' along bountcous supply OF
ham sandwiches. Ii You decide not to.
it an probable dat YOU will soon be
promoted to some pOsishun of trust an
."-Ee!roit free ireSs.