The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-09-10
THE MERRY SIDE +!

The safe motto for the politician is, MAN
proposes, but God disposes."
Hoadly says he sis ashamed of John sher-
man." He's trying to get even with John.
A Cincinnati paper says "the political field is
all bustle." This will give hope to the woman
sutfragists.
A quiet thought is better than an open insult
and there's no danger of getting knocked down
for it.
| A "trance revfvalist" over at Anderson, Ind,
is doing successful work-at filling the Asy-
| lum for lunatics.
The only glory the "Prohibtion Party
claims is the defeat of Blaine. And its work in
| that campaign stinks.
The druggist who sells morphine for zuinine
| is getting in his work Unto the graveyard) in
| different parts of the county.
| When the Party Prohibitionist says 81 am
holier than thou" he means that he can crawl
into smaller hole.
The report of man being choked to death on
a peanut, gives the "Prohibition Party" hope
of yet laying the Republicans out.
Pat. Ryan and Bob Neal had fight near
Point Pleasant, London Prize Bull Dog Rules,
when Pat chewed Bob's finger nearly off.
At Markleville, Indiana, four barrels of whis-
ky were stolen from a drug store. Of course
that druggist had to go out of business.
1t is better for Church members not to at
Tempt political speculation on their religious
capital. Judas tried that a long time ago, and
failed.
@HoadIy is like man sitting upon a horse
backwards-he can't tell just when he is going
to fall, nor how hard he is going to light.
Sullivan claims to have beaten McCaffrey,
but the Devil got Sullivan down and kept him
drunk in Cincinnati for two or three days.
Benjamin Cole, aged seventy, was sentenced
to be hung at Carthage, Mo-, for numbering his
wife. The two young hearts diant beat in un-
ison.
Sullivan is careful to say that MAN can
knock him out. He learned to talk that way
when he was at home with his sold woman"
A political campaign is something like a
wild-turkey trap. 1t is easy enough 10 get in,
but hard 10 see where you going TO get out
"Hens must be religious !" said little Johnnie,
"by the way they are singing. They might not
make good preachers, but they would make
awful good LAY Members
The records of the Board of Examiners at Ma
rietta, show that the lady School Teachers are
great deal smarter than the men. It's hu-
initiating, boys, but it's true.
Mrs. Mary Sweeney, of Charlottesville, Ind,
was run over and killed by railway train.
while trying to drive her chickens off the track.
But the chickens escaped.
The commander of the Salvation Army at
tempted to capture the driver OF a beer-wagon
in Springfield, and the driver knocked him
down. 1t was clear case of casting pearls be-
fore swine
1t is quite distressing to read that the Govern
ment can't circulate its silver money, as no.
body in Washington wants to handle 1T. What
kind of fellows have they got over in Washing
ton, anyway? Send it this way, boys.
50
At the glove-fight in Cincinnati, it is claimed
that Sullivan got go per cent, the management
40 per cent, and McCafrey "the rest" Domi-
nick wants to know what he gets for his trou-
BILE.
The "Prohibition Party" occupies the same
position occupied by the knights of the Golden
Circle during the war. They stab the Republi-
feat in the 'front.'
DR.. Leonard wants to debate with both Fora
ker and Hoadly. The DR.. is like the old dar-
key: "De Lawd man strike little chile wild
1itenin, but jes let um try old Sam whet!'
=
John Russell Young says Greeley "could not
admire Grant because the latter was soldier"
But the same objection did not seem to apply to
jeff. Davis. Mr.. Greeley found no difficulty in
admiring Jeff.
"I can whip yon J" said little Jackson boy
10 much larger boy, Wednesday. all
know We kin !'' said the larger, but when forced
| to fl ght whipped the little fellow easily. They
both lied.
A preacher named Gilbert Frederick, at Cen
tralia Illinois, has been sued for ten thousand
dollars damages, by woman. Why, she
might as well demand the whole basket collec-
ton next Sunday, and be done with it.
speaking of lunatics,'' said the teacher
''what would you think, if you saw a man
away off by himself beating himself with
club?" "Id Think" said little boy, "that he
was member of the Prohibition Party work.
ing off his surplus enthusiasm
Accusing the Prohibition candidate for Gov
ernor of drink ng Intoxicating liquors, and ac-
cusing the Democratic candidate of parading as
the champion of the colored people, certainly
make one of the most ludicrous pictures ever
seen in politics.
1t is perfectly shocking TO read of the dread
full fight between those two children, Anna
Sankin and Rosa Barnum, at Jamaica, Long
Island. Anna struck Rosa with an ak, killing
her instantly. Annals age is sixty-fve, and
Rosa's seventy.
While Foraker was speaking in Jackson, a
prominent Democrat got up and sauntered out,
remark1ng that "the heat made his head ache"
YES said old Second Virginia boy, 81
think all your heads will ache and swim before
he gels through
| Rev. B. N. Spahr, of Columbus claims that
Prohibition itself is ungodly, because no man
has right to say what another shall do. Then
| what right has the Reverend gentleman to say
that thief may not ride the Reverend gentle
| mans horse into another State. and sell him?
Prohibition party paper in Ohio says that
| "a good many ministers in Ohio have been Re-
publicans, but when the party straddles beer
| barrel, they will vote the Prohibition ticket"
! Oh You think they will get around the diff
| Guilty by crawling into the barrel, do you
To those Democratic papers that were so anx-
| ious for discussion between Foraker and
Leonard, we would mildly suggest that Leon
ard has challenged Hoadly for a discussion.
1t is quite distressing to learn, by the Com.
| Gaz. that Judge Taft has returned from Russia
in every poor health. having fallen away until
he only ways about two hundred pound" And
to think, we expected him to come home
| weighing at least six hundred"
A brute named Fulton attacked Rev. Shultz
in his pulpit at York, Pa, and beat him, for at
tempting to preach memorial sermon on
Grant. ShultZ ought to have knocked Fulton's
head off-in spirit of prayer, of course.