The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-29
HCMOR.

EVERY year is sleep-year with o POI
hceman.-T eras Siffi1sgs.
A srocK-DEALER-the gambler who
stocks the cards.-Teras SJtings.
FORTUNE smiles" upon those who
have winning ways.-Stockton MaUer-
lex.
WHEN he married her he exclaimed:
@Won at lastp When he got divorce
he exclaimed: @One at lastl'-White-
hall Times.
@PAY as you go" says q philosopher.
@But what would be the use OF going
at all, then |" remarks Canadian tour
ist.-St Paul Herald.
The prodigal son spoken of in the
Bible, who filled his belly with corn
husks. was, no doubt, troubled with a
husky voice the remainder OF his life.
Carl PretzePs Weekly.
IT is claimed that an able-bodied
whale can spout all day without getting
tired. An able-bodied lawyer can do
the same thing, but it makes the jury
very tired.-Chicago Ledger.
JoBBINs remarks of his neighbours
vintage, that from the serenades he
hears nightly from the neighborhood
he believes him to be cultivating the
cat-arbor grape.-Yonkers Gazette.
@YouNG FULLER" wants to know if
we can recommend ap opening for a
dentist Why not try the mouth of the
Mississippi? 1t is said to be full of old
snags.-Marathon Independent.
AMERICANS pretend to sheer at titles,
and yet tuft-hunting is so peculiarly
pleasant to this nation of sovereigns
that deputy constable's deputy can
hardly escape the profix Hon.-Indi-
annapolis Herald.
"YoU have no heart" sighed love-
sick swain to apretty coquette who had
dozens of admirers. "Oh, yes, have"
she replied. Il have heart enough to
accommodate every good-looking man
meet. Merchant TrGUeler.
"WHY did the Apostle Paul go to
Athens ?" asked Sunday school teach
er. "Please, sir, was it to throw the
detectives off the track?" answered q
Canadian tourists little boy whose papa
left him behind. Brooklyn Times.
A MUSICAL critic says of vocalist
that "when she sings her heart comes
into her eyes" She must have either
very small heart or very large eyes. If
she is one of these singers who charge
$4,000 and half of the receipts of the
house, her heart is small enough to go
anywhere. Herald.
The belts now worn by ladies in a
ballroom have knobs affixed for their
partners to take hold of, instead of the
old-fashioned arm-aroundwaist method
of waltzing. Any man who has ever
come home late and took hold of the
door-knob and danced ABOUND the key
| hole until his wife opened the door, can
comprehend the breezy richness and
soul-satisfying pleasure of belt-knob
waltz.-NeDma,1 Independent.
Bob BURDETTE, usually 80 well-in-
formed on all topics, speaks of "the
dear old grandma, 80 years old, who
reads without glasses, and eats pie
with knife, never had days sick
ness, or wore hustle in her life." All,
Robert, you didn't know grandma when
she was a giddy young thing along
back in 1907, A. ID. You can bet all
the doodle" you have got sailed down
that she used to wear hustle at some
period of her life, beside which the
ones of the present day are small pota-
toes and few in q hill.-Peck's Sun.
airs q great pity that Mrs. Trego
dropped off so suddenly, isn't it ?" "Yes,
it just is that very thing, mum. She'll
be missed for long time to come"
Indeed she will, mum. She, was
such a prime hand on gooseberry jam,
and she had promised to show me how
she made it, too, mum. I'll declare
when I heard she was dead jest felt
so bad I didn't care whether 1 got any
tomatoes canned or not. Chicago
Ledger.