davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Love and burglars have some things
in common. The both laugh at lock
smiths, and they both have a good dea
of Cupidity about them.
Some one wants to know what il
more disagreeable than woman with
a crying baby. The answer to this is
1.-THE baby. "-HarJord Sunday Jour.
nal.
Scientists say that all the water on
the earth will dry up in 10.000.000
years. Most of our milkmen will be
able to accumulate fortune during the
interval. Philadelphia Call.
1.-THE best way of SOLDERING up is to
battle the head and wrists in cold water
and take potion Of bromide of potas
SUM and aromatic ammonia or valer.
ian." Only one better; don't get
drunk. Buffalo Express.
Mrs. Montague-Do you sing. Mr..
De LyleP Mr.. De Lyle with a superior
smqe)-I belong to the college glee
club. Mrs. Montague Disappointed -
., I'm so sorry, hoped that you sung.
IN. y Times.
81 pay my hired man sixteen dollars
a month and found" said old Blodget.
sAnd found" interrupted his niece.
"What do you mean by that? How do
you find him?" why" replied the
old man, IF he doesn't know I'm
comm generally find him either asleep
or with his arms around the hired girl"
The Judge.
Ills your pa at home, little girl?"
YES sir; do you wish to see himP"'
Eyes" "But you won't know him il
you do see him!'' ''Why, what's the
matter?" "Well, you see. out in the
country. on our farm. man and his
wife got to fighting, and pa he tried to
stop them. 20, indeedr' Yes,
you'd better call again. You wouldn't
know pa Chicago Journal.
why did you sell your oxenp" said
Dobyn to a colored farmer. swell.
boss. / took er notion dat wanted to
jine de church. what difference
did that make?" '.What difference dat
make! Boss, did yer eber dribe steersp"
II never did," s.Den yer can't
un'erstan' de sitwation; but I'll tell yer,
boss. steers hab mighty little 'spect for
'ligion. Dey don't know nothin' but
cuss words. '-Bost0n Post.
"A running moral
A man may go spiDn ng along,
Like bicyclst singing a song
And though he looks stately and tall
May be just on the edge of q fall.
And this moral the cycle conveys,
BE modest and sweet in your ways.
Because II you happen to get sad pitch
You'll find friends to help you right out Of
the ditch.
boston Budget
An editor lay in an unconscious
condition, and for some time it was
feared that he was dead. Cant you
rouse him. doctor?' was anxiously
asked. mo" the physician replied.
Il fear that life is extinct" Then the
editors assistant bent over and
whispered in his ear: "A gentleman
wants to put an advertisement in the
paper Immediately the unconscious
mans face showed signs of returning
life. and struggling to a sitting posture.
he said feeblv: "How many ljnes?"--
~ J. Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05

my young genius budded, and drove the
person who would send me on errands to
evaporation and profanity.
One beautiful summers day, when the
reapers were in the field, and the golden
grain was falling before the flashing
scythes, and the catbird was warbling mer-
rily i'm the hedges, and / was resting, oh,
so restfully, under the tree that bore the
early harvest apples, summons came from
the commander-in-chief of the department
that a friendless boy bearing my name
should go down through the orchard to the
bubblIng spring at the foot of the hill and
fetch the harvesters trimming bucket of
water. had not meandered far when
saw beautiful hornets nest upon a low
limb which hung almost directly over my
path. 1t challenged my admiration, for it
was as big as a peach-basket and as SYM
metrical as an old-fashioned jug.
i wasn't in much of a hurry, so set the
bucket down, and put my hands in my
pockets, and made a careful and critical
observation. At that time there was a
strong love of natural history in my ardent
nature, and when I saw something that !
didn't fully understand was prone to in
vestigate. Now that am older l am not
so much that way.
noticed that there was one old hornet
sitting at the main door, and that he wasn't
asleep. He had black eyes and a yellow
mustache, and he looked mad. / am con-
WINGED now that he was mad. He was the
grand outer guard, the exterior muc-a-muc-
pro tenn, or something of that sort, sup
pose. l had never before seen a hornet
with such an impudent countenance, and /
thought would just pick up stone and hit
him between the eyes, and then run before
his friends and fellow-citizens found out
the cause of the trouble. l was an i'm
pulsive boy at times, and did not always
stop to reason thing out before did it.
Usually / caught conclusion suddenly by
the slack of the trousers, and then, if !
found it wasn't the conclusion / wanted, ]
just let it go.
There was nice smooth stone lying Just
at my feet. picked it up, and with all
the vigor Of youth and an impulsive arm ]
threw it straight at that old bald-headed
door-keeper.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
THE HORNET.
An Interesting Study in Natural
History.
The Experience OF Sad-Eyed, Thought
full Boy-How He Was Stirred into
Unwonted Actlvity-A Phren-
illogical Phenomenon.

The hornet is an interesting srudy-after
he is dead. /. for one, want no intercourse
with the swift-soaring warbler commonly
called the hornet until am convinced that
he is thoroughly deceased.
have been reading in learned work on
winged things that family of hornets is
composed of males, females and neuters,
and that the males just sit around and give
orders, while the females and neuters do all
the work about the house and gather in the
daily provisions. The same high authority
intimates that the male hornet does not
sting. but is purely ornamental, as it were,
counting ease each shining hour, stroking
his blonde moustache, and wearing a glad
smile all day long. / wish could believe
this of the male hornet; but can not. My
confidence in him is weak, and no male
hornet shall approach very near to me, If l
know ii, until he has furnished satisfactory
evidence that he does not carry deadly
weapon concealed about his person.
can recall the time when family of
hornets forced themselves into my society
without waiting for an introduction, and l
don't want it to occur again. The details
of the affair are quite indelibly fixed in my
memory's archives / shall never forget
how it feels to be pierced to the heart by
the red-hot dagger of the bald-headed hor-
net until memOry's page is obliterated, and
the congregation has passed around my
defunct remains and rendered an honest de-
cision as to how look in complete repose.
l was but sad-eyed, thoughtful boy,
with faxen hair and tired cast of counte-
nance. and ordinarily moved about with
considerable delberation, because delibera-
ton seemed to agree with me- When
was sent to fetch anything / sort Of me-
andered, and if met anything by the way
that was alive Il would stop and throw a
stone at it That is the manner in which
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.


Emperor William, of Germany. al
WAYS has a chapter of the Bible read to
him Immediately after dinner.
The compulsory education law is a
failure in New York. according to Com
missioner Peck. of the State Labor
Bureau.-N Y. Tribune.
Edinburgh is probably the most
thoroughly Presbyterian city IN the
world. Out of total of 18l churches
124 are Presbyterian.
No fewer than 157 professors at
German universities are between the
ages OF seventy and ninety, OF whom
the greater part still lecture. Banke'
at ninety. is the Oldest.
"A clergyman has been making cal
culations. and announces as the start
ling result that all the salaries OF re-
ligious teachers in the country do not
amount to so much as the sum spent
annually in supporting dogs. Chr'st'a"
at Work.
New York has GA Catholic churches.
Chicago So. Brooklyn As, Philadelphia
As, St. Louis 43, Boston 38. Cincinnati
Sc, New Orleans 20, Baltimore 70,
Cleveland %, San Francisco and Louis
vile 81 each, Detroit 10, Buffalo and
Albany - each.
The masters of the great English
public schools complain of the imperfect
religious training which boys bring
with them from home. Even those
who come from conspicuOusly religious
families are found ignorant of the conn.,
monest facts in Scripture.
Two women have been elected to
the vestry of an Episcopal church in
Delaware, and Bishop Stevens has de-
cided that they are eligible under the
law. This is the first instance in which
women have been elected to such
position either in this country or in
England.-Zion's Adrocdte.
The Christian AdUocGte, being asked
by correspondent: "What is the OBJ
ject intended by the Apostle James in
ordering that the sick, when the elders
of the church go to pray with them.
shall be anointed with oil in the name
of the Lord?" replies that ''the passage
plainly means is any sick among you:
Let him call for the elders of the church.
and let them pray over him, using the
best medical skill in the name of the
Lord" ssSs=e
The commencement exercises at
the various colleges of the country show
that the disposition on the part OF
alumni to rally about their respective
"benign mothers" ON these occasions.
increases with each year, and the col.
leges are not backward in doing those
of their children who have done well in
the world due honor. The considera.
ton shown successful man by the
faculty and students of his old college
is one of the sweetest things he ever
finds in life.-Cticago Current.
"A uniform has been assigned to the
students of the Russian universities, the
wearing of which will be obligatory. II
will consist of a cap. single-breasted
frock-co and dark green trousers.
The cap. collar and cuffs of the coat
are to be of dark blue. the cuffs to have
broad band of gold lace. 1t is sup
posed that. as the bulk of Russian uni.
versity students come from poor classes.
the object of prescribing uniform and
adding to their expenses must be te
throw fresh difficulty in the way OF
very poor people taking to an academi
cal career.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
Good Advice.

Nose Schaumburg has new clerk
named Jake Silverstone, who is pretty
good in dragging in country customers and
selling them goods before they know it.
but he has bad memory. Yesterday
Nose said, impatiently:
"Silverstone, has you checked off dot in
voice of schentlemanly underwear
"Please 'scuse me, Misther Schaumburg,
but it yash escaped my memory already
some more"
$50 it vas escaped your memory some
more, already, don't it. / dells you vat,
Silverstone, ven you vas such stupid
schackass, Wy don't you make a note of
dose dings, chOost like dO."-Teras Sift-
mas
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
MY SWEETHEART.

IN in love with fair little maiden
With her eyes, with her lips, with her
hands,
With her dozens of dear little dimples-
And although she's petite
On her sweet little feet,
Tis a wonder to me how she stands.
And she loves me, this dear little maiden;
And her hands, and her eyes, and her lips,
And her dimples, all giving me welcome
In a sweet, artless way
Have their say, every day,
As TO meet me she lovingly trips.
viii she wed me, this sweet little maiden2
Bless you, no! That she never will do.
But, when have told you the reason,
haven't a fear
Twill appear to you queer;
For I'm thirty-while she's only two!
Allen g. Bigclou, in st. Nicholas.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
The shade Of Meaning.

what" exclaimed the Mortified deacon
to the minister, ''you think pugilism is a
respectable business?" 81 did not say
that" replied the minister, II said that it
was respectable enough" Respectable
enough?" ''Yes, respectable enough for
those engaged IN it"-BQston Courier,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05

spring / usually meandered, but on this
occasion turned aside for no obstacle. 1
lowered my record far beyond the expecta-
tions of my most sanguine friends, and as
the last and best-winded hornet reluctantly
gave up the chase and turned back to re-
port l fell over the fence surrounding the
orchard, and the thought came into my
mind that it was very, very hard to die so
young and fair, when the world was so
bright and full of promise, and the early
apples were Just getting ripe.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
The Way of the World.

Mani am going to San Francisco, and !
thought would see if l could get pass as
far as Chicago, as L
Passenger Agent (sharply)-No passes
given out by this company, sir. You'll
have to pay your fare.
''But, sir, am"
of poor men,"
you arc mistaken, sir. ! am Peter
Golddust the owner of the Great Gun
Mine. Pm able to buy your old road, but
u
Indeed! Able'to pay your fare? Why
didn't you say so before? Here are two
passes, my dear ir."--Philadelphid Cali.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1885-12-05
A STRANGE STORY.
The Remarkable Resurrection of
q Common Sailor.

How . Dead Man Returned to Life ia
Admonish Commodore Rodgers
and His Former Comrades
An Incident OF the
War of 1913.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
HALLOwELL.

party of Is of the Ladies' Relief Corps
surprised Commander ]. c. Chamberlain and
lady. by calling on them last Tuesday even:
ing, carrying refreshments with them. A
pleasant time was enjoyed.
Sheridan Lodge of Good Templsrs have
taken lease of Union Hall of Maj. Rowell
and are having it fitted up ready to occupy
April lst, Granite Lodge II. of p, having
leased the hall formerly occupied hy them.
We understand that Mrs. s. o. Winter
intends to move her millinery establishment
to the store next south of the Hallowell
National Bank.
Two of our old and respected citizens, J.
DeWolf Smith and j. B. Swanton, are dan
gerousy sick.
Mr.. jos. l.. Colcord who has been spending
the winter in Richmond. Va, returned about
week ago and is stopping here for the pres
ent.
The children of the city are invited to
meet in the room over Spaulding's book
store this afternoon, at 4 o'clock, to form a
juvenile temperance society.
The new lodge of X. of p. will meet this
evening in Odd Fellows Hail.
Mr.. Hiram Fuller Illuminated his house on
Wednesday evening, and on Thursday fired
President Cleveland.
Quite a number from here intend to 90 to
Bath Tomorrow evening, to witness the polo
contest between the Granite Citys and Ala
medas.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
Quaker Testimony.

Mrs. A. NJ. Dauphin a Quaker lady, of
Philadelphia, has done a great deal to make
known to ladies there the great value of Mrs
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, as cure
for their troubles and diseases. She writes
as follows; "A young lady Of this city while
bathing some years ago was thrown violently
against the life line and the injuries received
resulted in an ovarian tumor which grew and
enlarged until death seemed certain. Her
physician finally advised her to try Mrs.
Pinkham's Compound She did so and in a
short time the tumor was dissolved or caus ed
to slough off, and she is now in perfect health.
l also know of many cases where the medi-
cine has been of great value in preventing
miscarriage and allevating the pains and
dangers of childbirth. Philadelphia ladies
appreciate the worth of this medicine aud its
great value"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
A CHASTITY SCENE.
An ExplO sion by Which One Person
Meets Horrible Death and Sew.
eral Others are Terribly
Injured.
PIrTLBuRG Pa March !

PITTLBURG, Pa March ).
This evening Frank Kunkle, living in AL
leghenv City, placed in the stove to boil, a
mixture of turpentine tar and linseed oil,
which he had been told would cure his horse
of lameness.
In the room at the time, besides Kinkle,
was his daughter, Annie, aged Z, son aged
5, years, Julia and Walter aged l3. and a
young man named Depp.
1 he liquid had been on the stove probably
an hour when it boiled over. 1t instantly ig-
nited and exploded, scattering the scalding
liquid and flames in all directions. Young
Depp grabbed the can and started for the
door, while kunkle ran to the rescue of the
the children, whose clothes were in flames.
One by one he picked them up and threw
them out of the window in the yard and then
jumped out after them and tore the clothes
from their bodies. Assistance had arrived by
this time and the little sufferers were carried
back to the house. Annie was burned to a
crisp and died in short time in great agony.
Julia Walters was terribly burned, the flesh
peeling off her arms and legs. She is still
living.
There is slight hope Of the recovery of a
little boy also badly burned about the face
and arms
Mr.. Depp had the flesh burned off his hands
and arms, and Kunple was painfully but not
seriously injured.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
BELGRADE.

At the annual town meeting Monday, the
following officers were elected: moderator
Thomas Eldred town clerk, j. c. Mosher
selectmen, assessors and overseers of the
poor. c. II. Wymsn, f. F. Yeaton, and C. A.
Yeaton; town agent, c. II. Wyman; treas.
urer, L. w. Bachelor, supervisor, II. F. ID.
Wyman. Voted to raise $1,000, to defray
towns charge; 81 600 for repairs of roads and
bridges; $1,000 for support of schools
There is to be a dramatic entertainment a,
Masonic Hall Thursday and Friday evenings,
March and g. On Thursday evening there
will be given the drama Past Redemption -
followed by the farce THE Kansas Emf.
grants. On Friday will be presented the
drama down by the Sea-" followed by d
social dance.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
TEN MPERANCE.
The State Reform Club in Convention
at Auburn.

LEWISTON, March ).
The State reform club in convention at
Auburn, continued Thursday. Eighteen
clubs reported. Rev. T. T. Merry and Cal
vim Record of Auburn, Joseph Garcelon of
Lewiston and Jordan Rand of Lisbon, ad-
dressed the convention on the temperance
work of the clubs. The following State
committee was chosen:
Androscoggin-W. Waterman of Auburn.
Aroostook-Samuel Richards of Fort Fair
field.
Cumberland-J A. Kennedy of Portland
Franklin-John Allen of Pennington.
Hancock-A. II. Gem of Bucksport.
Kennebec-A. X. p. Buffum of Gardiner
Knox-T. X. Simonton of Camden.
I.incoln-Thos. Hills of Union.
Oxford-E. II. Brown of Norway.
Penobscot-Samuel l.. Stevens of Bangor
Piscataquis-Joseph o. Fitz of Dexter
Sagadahoc-P. H. Oliver of Bath.
Somerset-Jas. Duly of Skowhegsn.
Washington w. Ii. Nichols of Calais.
York-O. b. Chadbourne of Saco.
The next quarterly convention will be held
at North Gorham May and 7.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
THE RAILROAD STRIKE.
The Strikers Still Standing Out-PrOp-
ertv Removed for Safety.

DENNIsoN, Tex, March ).
At noon today the Missouri Pacific com
pany moved all their engines at this point
across the Red river into Indian Territory for
safety. 1t is understood that the entire force
of employees at the machine shops will refuse
to return to work tomorrow at the request OF
strikers at other points in Texas. There are
500 cars of freight here awaiting forwarding.
Every thing is quiet.
special from Longview says that the
strikers today rescinded their resolutions to
stop passenger trains.
At Marshal citizens committee waited
on Superintendent Cum nings, who said he
could guarantee full time if the men would
return at the reduced rates, and there was
plenty of work.
At meeting tonight Mr. Cummings guar
antee was rejected.
At Sherman the employees of the Texas
Pacific railroad were this afternoon notified
that they were Suspended indefinitely. The
suspension works hardships. as the Sherman
employees were willing to accept the reduc
ton 1t is rumored that the company has
determined only to run mail coaches till the
strike is over.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
Mr.. BLAINE AND FATHER CLARK.
"A CORDIAL Meeting After the Funeral of
Mr.. Blaine's Sister.

BALTIMORE, March 5.
wednesday after the funeral of Mrs.
walker. Hon. James G. Blaine met Father
Clarke, and their meeting though for the
nrst time was very cordial During the war.
MAJOR Walker family, of which Mr.. Blaine's
sister was member. lived in Baltimore. and
Father Clarke was their spiritual adviser,
and had spoken with them of the baptism
and confirmation of Mr.. Blaine. Holding
Mr. Blaine by the hand, after some CONVEX
satlon Father Clarke said: Your sister had
strong belief that you would one day return
to the fold of the Catholic church, the one
universal apostolic church. Stranger things
have happened. few months ago YOU
looked forward, no doubt, to q very different
scene from that from which you have lust
come. But my dear Mr. Blaine we have
holywrit for the saying, that it is better for
man to go to the house of mourning than to
the house of feasting and merriment."
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-03-06
CLEVELAND AT WARRINGTON.
Col. Pruden Retained-President Cleve.
land Receives Many Callers.

WASHINGTON. March 5.
At i2 40 the Senate adjourned without con-
firming any of the Cabinet nominations.
When the cabinet nominations were taken
up, in executive session, Riddleberger of Vir-
ginia, objected to the immediate considera-
tion of the nomination of Bayard, stating
briefly that he did so because of Bayard's at
titude upon the Irish question. He thought
him more English than American. Bayards
name being the first on the list, consideration
of all went over under the rules for a day.
There were short senatorial caucuses of
both parties this afternoon, after adjourn
ment. Today the democrats formed an or
ganization by selecting Beck chairman, and
thorized to appoint a committee OF nine to
arrange minority membership of the com
mittee.
President Cleveland has retained Col Pru-
den, as assistant to private Secretary Lamont.
Pruden was appointed by President Grant
His retention is heartily commended by mem
bers of both parties
The democratic Phalanx of Albany called
on the President in a body. They were fol-
lowed by detachments of clubs from New
York. New Jersey, Maryland, Kansas. Mis-
souri, and elsewhere. The President gave
notice that he would receive all who might
choose to come, between and 4 o'clock, and
during that time thousands of strangers paid
respects to the Chief Magistrate. The Pres
ident received them in the east room and
shook hands with each of them,
The crowd filed past in single file. and
owing to the immense number presenting
themselves. it was found necessary to dis
pense with the formality of introduction. He,
however, recognized many acquaintances in
the line and greeted them by name.
Gov. Patterson of Penn. and staff were
presented in body.