davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
Fixing a Washer.
New York Star.

In the first place he was SO years
old, baldheaded, and ought to have
been ashamed Of himself. In the next,
he probably had a wife and four or
five children, and ne had no business
running after strange gods GA a rail-
way train.
There were about twenty passen>
gers IN the coach, and Of these only
five were females. TIE one who laid
over ali the rest for youth, good looks,
and a far-away look in her eyes, had
seat all alone, and she seemed dis
posed to peruse novel.
This old bald> head, this old masher
in human form, on whose wrinkled
forehead the kiss of fond wife could
yet be seen for so cents on the dollar,
got his eyes on that girl at an early
date, and the conductor had scarcely
made his round before he walked up
the aisle and plum ped down beside
her She betrayed surprise and maid
emily modesty. Indeed, she looked
too coy and sweet for anything.
The old masher began to talk, max
ing himself fully at home, and after a
little the girl seemed to enjoy his com
pany. The rest of us dld pity her
from the bottom of our hearts. So
young! So unsophisticated! So ready
to fall into the net being spread for
her by that old gravel hoofed hyena
1t might have been half an hour
after he sat down when we saw the
back Of his neck flush to deep red
succeeded by paleness which would
have put roller flour way back along-
side of tar. Had he found carpet
tack? Did the motion of the cars
make him seasick?
Then we saw her shake her head to
emphasize her words, ana pretty soo.
the old masher pulled out his wallet
and counted out $50, and put the bills
in her hand. This was no sooner ac>
complished than he bobbed up, re-
turned to his original seat, and sat
down with a On it." which was
heard all over the car.
The girl counted the money twice
over, nodded her head as she finished,
and the bills went down behind the
lace at her throat.
Old bald>head! But wasn't he mad?
lie snorted and kicked and scraped,
and nobody dared go near him until
the train reached Dayton and the sad
eyed girl got off. Then ne spouted.
Says he:
"Durn 10y buttons! but we were
talking away as sweet as sugar when
she suddenly says:
mister, l want $50.
'Not Of me?'
"You bet"
"'Cause why?"
"'Cause if you don't I'll stand up
here and scream out that you have in
suited mel The men on this car will
not only punch your old bald head
until it will ache for the next SIX
months, bat your name will get into
the papers and your dear wife hold
surprise party over your remains.
Come down."
''She had me. I forked over"
Every listener realized that ne was
telling the truth, and every man
gasped out:
by the great horn spoon!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
LONG AFTER THE WAR.
The Strange Meeting of Generals
PrenIfss and Iarmaduke.


At the panorama of the battle OF
Shiloh IN this city, a few days ago, a
small shriveled-up man made himself
conspicuous by going around the place
snlveling dolorously. He did not ap-
pear to be more than five feet high,
He was dressed all in black. AID his
attenuated form and gray whiskers
gave him peculiarly grotesque o.
pearance' He seemed to be greatly
interested in the panorama, and as he
moved from one point of view to an
other he groaned and wept copiously.
A tall rawboned manssapproached him
he were gray clothes and military
SLOUGH nat, and he had the general o.
pearapce of a Missourian away from
home on holiday.
Reckon you were at Shiloh, Ell,
strangers" asked the tall! raw>boned
man.
Yes" replied the small, shriveled-
up man, land I shall never forget it +;
it was the toughest battle Of the war "
81 was thar" said the tall, raw bon
ed man, land my regiment was drawn
up right over yonder where you Sc e
that clump Of trees"
you were a rebel then?"
4 was confederate, replied the
tall, raw~doned man, land | did some
right smart fighting among that clump
of trees that day."
st remember it well, "said the small
shriveled~up man. ''for [ was Fed
eral soldier, and the toughest scrimm>
age IN all that battle was among that
clump of trees"
''Prentiss was the Yankee General, y
remarked the tall, raw>boned man.
land I'd have given a pretty sum to
have seen him that day. But, dog-on
me, the little cuss kept out of sigkt,
and we uns came TO the conclusion
that ne was hidin' in the rear some
Whar."
"Our boys were after Marmaduke, y
said the small, shriveled up man, ''fol
he was the rebel General and had
bothered us a great deal. But we could
get no glimpse of him-he was too
sharp to come to the front, and it was
| lucky for him too"
ooh but what scriNmage IL was !!
said the tall raw oned man.
Chow the sabers clashed and the min
MES whistled?" cried the small. shrvel-
ed up man.
The panorama brought back the
old time with ali the vivianess of 8
yesterdays occurrence. The two men
were filled with a strange yet beauti-
full enthusiasm.
Stranger" said the, raw-boned
man, I'VE fought like devils that day,
ard we fought to kill. But the wars
over now, we amt soldiers no longer.
Gimme your hand!'
with pleasure" said the small,
shriveled up man and the two class ped
| hands.
"What is your name?" inquired the
tall raw boned man.
81 am General B. N. Prentiss, ,
said the small shriveled up man.
''The-you say" exclaimed the tall,
raw bOned man.
eyes" rAafirmed the small shriveled
up man; land who are you?"
''I'' replied the tall, raw boned man,
''I am General John S. Marmaduke.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
A Funeral with no M0urners.
Lewiston Me. } Journal.

>
An Augusta clergyman was asked
to conduct the funeral of man IN an
adjoining town. Swho died with the
reputation of having been miser, a
few days ago. He is believed 10 have
been worth $S5, ZOO, but his house was
bare and mean, and he had no friends.
Before the service the clergyman ask
ed some of the deceased, that he might
speak of him appropriately. They
told him how snug the miser had
been how he had ground the poor
that came into his clutches, and SO
on.
But what were his good qualities"
asked the clergyman.
Didn't have any," was the laconic
reply.
didn't he have one redeeming
trait2"
mot Id one," irreverently
answered the neighbor.
st was the most difficult duty that
ever performed, said the clergyman
afterward. ''There was no bible IN
the house, and it was leng time be-
fore one could be found. Then the
man in charge of the funeral had dls>
appeared I asked where he was, and
my informant said with a grin, Dun
no. Guess he is hunting for mourn-
ers. "
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
WHERE THEY NOW ARE.
Some Confederate Generals. and What
They Find to DO in Zines of Peace.

They Find TO DO IN Alnes OF Peace.
Over half a dozen of the exconfeder-
ate generals who went into the war
bachelors have remained single ever
since, among them Gen. Curtis Lee,
the handsome and popular son of the
confederate chieftain, and General Ju-
bal Early, who is now 70 odd.
Where he appears to speak In the
Virginia campaign Fitz Hugh Lee is
received with enthusiasm, and bodies
of mounted men ride out from every
town to meet him and escort him to
the hotel.
Most of the ex-confederate generals
who are not IN politics are interested
in some way with railroads.
Gen. Longstreet will next month
open a winter hotel in Georgia near
the gulf coast.
Fitz Hugh Lee is short and stout
with grayish chin whiskers, and looks
like farmer.
AS then he did all the swearing
for Stonewall Jackson" Jubal Early
continues to enjoy the distinction of
of being 1.-The tallest sWearer in Vir-
gina"
Gen. w. Ell. (Runy) Lee, son of the
late Bobert E. Lee, is now a prosper
Gus farmer IN Fairfax County, Vir-
GINA.
Age has not made any inroads upon
Gen. Joseph E. Johnston, now United
States railroad commissioner. He has
gotten over the nervous trouble from
which he has suffered for many years.
He is married but has no children.
The commandment of the troops in the
Shenandoah valley for a long time was
Gen. John Echols, who is now o direc
tor in the Chesapeake and Ohio rail-
road and president OF the Lexington
and Big Sandy road,
Although in the convention that met
before the war, Gen. W. G. Wickhaa,
now the vice president of the Chesa
eeake and Ohio railroad voted against
secession, he galloped the first troop
of horse into Capital square and ten
dered his sword to state and confeder-
acy. He commanded a brigade during
the war, and although his home was
within the lines he did not cross it's
threshold but twice and was each time
carried in wounded. When he sur
rendered with Lee at Appomatox he
disowned the confederate leaders built
the first schoolhouse for colored chill
dren in the south. He became the
leader of the republican party in Vir-
ginia and did much to make it respec-
/ table. He was driven out of the party
by Malone and is now supporting
Fitz Hugh Lee for governor.
Mahone's bitter enemy, Gen. Bradley
T. johnson, is now practising law IN
Baltimore. He is a brilliant and a
handsome looking man of about so.
Dark as an Indian and straight as
an arrow, standing over feet 4 inches
Gen. R. Lindsey Walker has not
changed much. He has recently gone
to Texas as superintendent of the state
house at Austin.
| Gen. Taliaferro, who commanded
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
st. Louis Observatory.
st. Louis Globe-Democrat.

The new observatory at Washing
ton university is about complied, and
bids fair to be one of the most perfect
in the country. The earth upon Which
it is built, at the corner of Eighteenth
and St. Charles streets, is of pecul~
lar stiff clay, which allows very
slight transmission of vibration. and
consequently the observations will got
be appreciably interrupted by Che
Earring of the building for external
influences. Prof. Pritchet, who has
charge of the astronomical departs
ment, is making preparations Which,
when completed, will insure a most
instructive ano interesting years
work. Through the generosity OF a
few public spirited citizens he has
been enabled to contract for a new
telescope and clock, which were much
needed, and the character of which
will place this institution among
the first in the country.
The object glass of the telescope
is six and half inches,
and was made by Alvin Clark, of
Cambridge, and the focal length is to
be eleven feet. This instrument,
when complete, will have sufficient
power to discover body as small as
the custom house in this city on the
surface of the moon, and with this
Prof. Pritchett purposes to operate
during the fall and winter IN his ex-
change of signals with the observa-
tory at the City Of Mexico. 1t is also
proposed to enter upon course of OBJ
servations to determine the truth Or
falsity of the nebular theory, or sys>
tenn, which has become an interesting
question OF late, owing to the dlscov-
cry of one first magnitude star and a
smaller star III one of the heretofore
unoccupied spaces. The cost Of the
telescOpe will be 50 500.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22

| the Virginia militia at the the time OF
the john Brown trouble, is still an
active man, over SIX feet high. and at
tends To his large estate near Glouster
Point, Va. bordering on the Chess~
peake Bay.
One Of Mahone's fast friends is Gen.
Y. d. Groner, now living at Norfolk,
and occupying the position of PRESS
dent of the National Compress com
pany.
Physically Mahoue weighs less than
ninety pounds. He was engineer when
the war, broke out, and rapidly rose
to position He had command OF the
defenses at Petersburg, and distin-
guised himself at the battle of the era
ter. Lee singled him out of all the
generals to accompany and stand by
him AT the time of the surrender.
Gen. Bsauregard continues TO act as
counsel ana promoter of the Louisi>
ana lottery.
It is curious that Gen. GUSTS Lee,
though a grandson of Mrs. Custis,
bears most marked add striking re>
semOlance to the pictures of WASH
ington.
Gen Hooker, who lost an arm at
Vicksburg, is now practiclng law in
Mississippi, and is the closest personal
friend of jefferson Davis. During
the past summer he was at the Vir-
ginia warm springs
Gen. Walker, who commanded the
Stonewail brigade after iackson's
death, IS now over 60 years of age.
He is a practicing lawyer in Virginia
and has lieutenant governor or the
state.
Ex-Lieut. Gov. and Gen. Robert E
Withers, of Virginia, is six feet and
stout and gray, and is an active law
yer. with large practice.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
Clocks of the White House.
Exchange.

There are a number of handsome
and historical clocks IN the White
House. The clock in Col. Lannon'S
room has in it cathedral gong that
mas such charming sound that per-
sons frequently wait to hear it strike.
It is modern affair, but has many
admirers. There is clock in Miss
Cleveland's room that has been go
ing without the interruption of an
hour for over % years. In the presi-
dents bedroom there is another
beautiful clock. In the Blue Par1or
the famous clock, once the property
of Napoleon Bonaparte, and by him
presented to Gen. Lafayette, who IN
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
Col. Pat. DOnOyan's Speech at the
Tennessee BANQUET.

Earth's two greatest oceans, 5000
miles apart, shall roll up in thunder
ing oratorio their echo of the high and
glad refrain; the vastest CULTS and
grandest lakes in all creation shall
join the chant; river after river, huge
rolling floods, shall conspire to swell
the giant paean; Supporters waves,
Mississippi's torrents, Niagara's misty
thunders shall roar it far and wide
the hurricane crashing through ten
thousand mountain gorges, from the
Alleghenies to the Cordilleras, from
the Adirondacks to the Sierras, shall
chime it: the raging billiards, b lrlin G
six>inch hailstones on sky-bounded
and horizon-fa faced Nebraskan plains,
shall whistle and rattle it; the cata-
mount shall shrek it, the prairie wolf
shall howl it. the lone owlet boot it
and the grizzly bear shall growl it
and the burden of it shall be: Am
erica for Americans! One country,
one flag, zwei lager-from Green
lands icy mountains to Darien's COLDS
en- strands! E Pluribus UDum! Erin
Go Braghl Now, henceforth and for
ever more, world without end-amen,
a~w0uen
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
A POrker and the Chinese.
San Francisco Examiner.

The upper deck of the Alexander
Duncan was loaded with hogs Waen
the fire broke out in her hold a few
days ago. The smoke curling up from
the hatchway and the yells from the
assistant engineers as the5 ordered the
fremen hither and thither caused
much CONSERVATION among the swine.
One large gentleman hog made leap
ana sprang out Of the environments of
his pen over the rail into the water.
He was 10 peril between the fire. boat
Gov. Irwin and the Duncan for q
moment, but 1t was not long. Getting
into open water the animal struck out
for Goat island, which point ne would
have reached without a doubt but for
the intervention Of a couple of Mon
gOlian fishermen who were passing
the end of the wharf ST the time.
They spotted the porker, and i'm
mediately took measures to secure
him. One did the rowing while the
other took up position IN the boat
for the purpose OF grabbing the pig
when the opportunity offered itself.
He had not long to wait, as the eff
icient oarsman soon placed his craft
alongside the swimmer. The tail of
the latter was seized and the other
Chinaman was summoned to aid in
the capture. In the meantime the
boat was scudding along at a wonder
full rate Of speed, drawn by the pigs
tail. At last the porker was pulled
down amidships, and Chinaman No.
2 took a hold on the ear of the hog.
All Fun. the first Chinaman, sang
out: Hoop lap and this was sig
nal for simultaneous effort at rais>
ing the porker from the briny. Each
responded with all his strength. The
hog came up and was very near over
the gunwales, when he gave squeal
and kick, and All Fun lost his
balance. A threatening billow rolled
by at the same time, and over went
Cinnamon, boat, pig. and all. 1t is
greatly to the credit OF All Fun that
he staid with the shote, with q won~
derful slngleness of purposs, until he
had swallowed several gallons of sal>
water. The Cinnamon were taken in
by q passing tug in half>drowned
condition. The present whereabouts
of the hog is unknown, but it is bet
lieved that he pursued his first idea of
going to Goat island.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
Gov. Seymour Tells a Story.
New York Star.

"The longer I live," said the gov
ernor, ''the more certain [ am that
you can't get out of New York State.
When I went down to Florida I was
constantly getting evidences of New
Workers on the journey. At Jackson
vile took carriage and started out
to see something of the South. I
went on for some time without find
ing anything that looked like it.
Finally l came to place that looked
like an old time plantation. A man
leaned against the door whom l was
satisfied must be a native. [ drove
into the yard and spoke to him, apollo
giving for my intrusion on the ground
that | was stranger from the North.
The man looked at me fxedly, with
out replying. At last he said: 'Why,
governor, how are you? | haven't
seen you since l heard you speak at
Ithaca five years ago."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22

turn presented 1t to President George
Washington, still keeps perfect time.
1t is of alabaster and French gilt
bronze. 1t runs for 80 DAYS at one
winding. In the Red Room President
Lincoln's clock of ebony and gold still
strikes the quarters, halves and hours
with wonderful precision. The only
American made clock in the White
House was manufactured in New
York. It's kept IN the Green Room,
and was purchased when James Mon
roe was president
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
The Girls of New York.
Bill Nye in New York Mercury.


I desire to say one word in regard
to the girls of New York, large num-
bers of whom / met while there. We
did not have an opportunity TO be-
come thoroughly acquainted, but I
met large namber of them casually.
I used to get out early and continue
until late into tbs evening, meeting
the girls of New York on the crowded
thoroughfares.
Some like to stroll in the parks and
others yearn to ride on the elevated
railway, that they may see what the
people who live in the second stories
of New York, have for supper; but I
think that to stem the angelic tide of
young and beautiful girls in Gotham
is certainly as pleasant duty as a
stranger can perform.
The girl of New York, whether
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-22
Can't Last Forever.
Fleigende Batter.

Wife (weeping)-You swore eternal
love and fidelity to me, and here we
are only three years married, and
love and fidelity are quite banished.
Husband-Don't upbraid me; it's
your own fault if you're not contents
ed. For heavens sake, now long do
you expect eternal love and fidelity to
last9
Sharp County record., 1885-04-09
PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS.

DR.. Sullivan left for Calamine last
Monday.
Frank Webb, Of Ash Flat, was in the
Shade last Tuesday.
-S.H. Davidson, Esq, attended Fulton
circuit coart this week.
R. K. Arnold, Esq, of Williford, is
Fu5!ioasing in our midst.
Uncle Billy Horton is the sprightly
carrier Of the Hardy mail.
g. L. Henderson is afflicted with the
Hquict smiles It's a boy.
Uncle john Miller, the gardener, is
"pulyeriziog' Eookrum "tTuok-patohes." "
II, =. Adams made business trip to
Hardy last Saturday, returning Sunday
night.
C. W. Davidson and Wm. B. Scarlett
made a fylng trip TO BatesyiIle Monday
and Tuesday.
Mrs. Dr. Craig has the thanks of the
RECORD family for our first 'me0O' OF
turnip-greens.
*. Bradley, Sharp ccunty's initial
newspaper man, is now editor of a Texas
paper, called the Black Waxy.
DR. J. G. Whitten, an ex,citizen of
Evening Shade and boss whito-washer OF
Sharp, is looking natural on cur streets
this week.
JAS. II. McCaleb has left Batesvlllo
and retsrned 10 Evening Shade. Owing
to the death of bis employer, e. ".
Browning, the business of the firm will be
discontinued.
i. Till Medley returned last Sunday
from Dos Moines, Iowa, where be has
been "railroading" for the past sl1
months. Till's many friends gladly well
come his arrival.
Miss Minnie and little Cora Cabler
made our dismal paste.shop look more
pleasant with a hurried visit last Monday
eve. Call again young ladies. Our door
stands aiar for the reception Of the little
girls; and We will take special delight IN
making their visits profitable.
Sharp County record., 1885-04-09

i8h out the limit Of tla law-fvo mills
for teachers wages.
There was time. few brief years age,
that outsspoken advocates of special tax
in this county met with little favor; but
we rejoice as the type ere arranged to
announce the fact, th;s such is not the
ease now. The question has become SO
popular throughout tn county that ore
half of the electors en- last May express,
ed themselves for taE. The fimsy az
gument3 of9red by The opposition was
by its own better judgDant-~a desire to
educate the iliiterate and let enIighten.
ment smile across the e0untenances OF the
children. desire t. feyever Danish ignor.
ance end all appearances Of crime from
our otherwise favored country, and let the
children of Sharp be preparing them
selves for the warfsres of this life
hnshed, and we are pr I'D to know that a
great majority of those 'no tax" men here
in Piney Fork TOWNSHIP are now for five
mills, first, last and ell fhe time.
In some portions Of 90 county we un,
derstand that few are opposed to voting
G. special taz because they think the sher'
if and treasurer get too much for collect
ing, taking care Of ard disbursing this
fund. which is very wrong. Tbs collector
is entitled to four and two ffths per cent.
as his total compensntica for clerk hire,
his own time and lah~', besides other
necessary expenses. The treasurer gets
only two per cont. of this fund as be does
all other funds coming into his hands,
making total of 96 40 on each hundred
doIlarS collected and dIsb1rsed, which is
$3.50 less than you pay on q proml9ory
note given in an ordinary business transS
action for the same amount We can
hardly think that there is q man within
he borders Of the cOuHty so narrowly
contracted as to haTbor the abo7s as an eX'
cigq fer voting mo tax, and thereby says
n substance, "I'li suffer my children and
INV neighbors children - grow 10 in ig
noranco. even at this enlightened age Of
the world, before I will vote to put fsw
cents into an otsicer's pocket" For the
cake Of your own blind ignorance, don't
think of such an argumoa5 again, but re-
solve henceforth 60 do oil in your power
for the adv8ncement of 4 car county, your
own immediate section, t}e first step to.
wards which il she n 4pDrasgement Of
every move rnst eohus rs olIId up or
growing free schools.