Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1885-06-12
FUN

ON THE LIPs.-Rachel M orestadt. of No.
63 Baxter street. complained to Justice
Welde at the Tombs yesterday that her
husband Moses deserted her after they had
lived together for week.
Il never saw such GIRL" exclaimed
the husband. "She objects to being kissed
on the mouth. lean only kiss her cheek.
I guess husband has a right to kiss his
wife on the lips, but if he hasn't I would
like to know it. A husband has some
rights"
SIS that your reason for abandoning
herr" queried the magistrate.
Eyes, sir. If she promises me that,
she'll find me all that's desirable in her
husband
''Why do you object to being kissed on
the lips ?" she wife was asked.
''Tell him to stand away so that he
can't hear what will tell you, "the bride
replied.
The husband went away and the wife
said: 81 had all my teeth pulled out and
purchased a set of false ones. I dom
W0Au AAA4 w hAVW 4Vs A4O AlSAU SCu q
divorce from me if he does"
''How does your teeth prevent him from
kissing you without discovery ?'
s'If he was satisfied with one kiss it
would be all right, but he gets around me
and kisses me continually. He never has
enough"
the husband was not told what his wife
had said, and he was ordered to pay her
So week.-NeU York World.
echoed the young man; "why, I'D walk
through fire to sit by your side ten min
utes p
THAT'S awfully nice. 1 wish y, loved
ma that way.'' y
doesn't lie ?"
''Oh. no. She asked him at dinner for
$500 camel 's-hair shawl, and he made
her cry
'sHow?''
"Why, he said that, with wheat touch
ing dollar, and be half million bushels
short on delivery at eighty-seven cents
yard, she'd better be thinking of cailco
at six cents yard. Why, what ais you,
Augustus ?"
'I-I-that is, I've got to meet man
at sharp 8. Half million bushels short,
eh9 Good day, Miss FAIR banks.''
And he went off kicking himself for
not Being in love with an ice dealer,
daughter.
HER NOTION OF THE THEATRE.-The
were coming out of the theatre, aad as
he put her cloak about her he asked
''Well. how did you like it 2" "Oh, l
didn't like it at all, it was miserable. :"
"Indeed!'' Eyes. l couldn't see Anything
nice about it.'' "Why I thought it was
magnificent - Magnificent! But Their,
of course, you couldn't tell; why iJ was
nothing but common plush, and she thinks
every one will suppose it sealskln.''-
but | was speaking of the play" sol,
yes. the play was pretty good but didn',
you notice the sack that horrid Smith gin
wore ?"
Col. Halman Watts is an Austin gen
tleman of Responding turn Of mind, who
Is always threatening to commit suicid.
when things do not suit him, but who has
never succeeded in doing so. He became
depressed few days ago because his hal
flew off when he sneez5d, and desiring to
put an end to life, he started as usual for
ho oiofo NIT cuioi ipfa n,
off those boots first" said his wife, who l.
q matter-of-fact woman. what for?"
he asked feebly, pulling open the trap
door, s'Because the water will harden tt e
boots, and next time you go down to the
lodge in them, when you come home you
will complain of your corns hurting you,'
replied Mrs. Holman Watts, resuming hel
work on the sewing machine. HolmaI
shut the trap door with such violence that
the neighbors quarter of mile off
thought somebody was blasting rock.
Sunday Observance here to
me, you good-for-nothing thing,'' ex-
claimed pious farmer, addressing his
son. "You ought to be ashamed of your
self, going fishing on Sunday 81 didn't
60 fishin', pap. I only went down the
lane to throw rocks at them niger boys.''
"Oh, well. that's all right then. Recol-
lect. my son. you must never violate the
Sabbath
"Pa. who was Shylock ?'' Pater familias
with look Of surprise and horror)-
"Great goodness, boy; you attend church
and Sunday-school every week, and don't
know who ShYlock was Go and read
your Bible, SIR"
If Tennyson can write such frightful-
ly poor poem on the English navy, it is
notwithstanding to think what the result
would have been had he written about the
United States navy.
One Mcleod, Of Baltimore. has been
killed by pine board hurled against him
BY the wind. Paste it up On the outer
walls, ye editors-bored to death by wind
The prevarications of this spring. cir
Gus fosters have been manufactured with
so much art as to make the ordinary