River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-07-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


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HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Some CorOner's Jury Verdicts in York
shire, England.
A reporter went through the iuquestt
returned during the year 1850, and founC
some very unique examples of 'Englisl
as she wrote There were great many
inquests held upon persons who dice
from spasms, malarial fever, congestion
of the brain, chills, old age, and nature
causes. The following are the cause:
assigned for the death of some of til,
parties.
'She come to her death by strangu
lation il testimony we have sit oul
hands and seal the day above wroten. ;
"By taking into his own hands al
over dose of morphine, or something
of that sort"
From causes unknown to the jury
and having no medical attendance.
Game to his death from natiOna
causes"
IAN inquisition holden on the hern
ando road, near nonconner creek upor
| the body of John Brown there lying
dead by the jurors whose names art
hereto subscribed, who upon THERE
oath do say that he came to his dealt
in the following manner, by falling
off the log while trying to cross the
slue and fell in. "
said child, aged / day old, came tC
her death from spasms, said child hav
ing been found by the witness in {
trunk, under very suspicious circum
stances.
''The joueres on their ouathe do say
that he come to his deth by old age, a:
tina could not see ennything else the
matter.
Come to his death from the follow
/ ing causes, to wit, from some sudden
cause to the iOurers unknown
1.-The said deceased being an orphan
father and mother being both dead. "
DISABILITY caused by lunacy."
''She come to her death by lighter
striker her"
Come to his death in the following
manner to wit; He was born dead.
From laying outin the sun to dry
after tumbling down well.
''From the hands Of some person OF
persons to the jury unknown and after
ward a-going on the track and got run
over by incoming train.
Congestion of the brain an appli
cote titze."
''Diseas of the hart and applexity
fitze. "
''CaIded on left side by kittley of hot
water burning over on hir left side inn
megetly causing her death. "
From the effect OF heat receive by
her close accidental taking fire.
''From eXpOsier or something"
The Judges Spirited Woman.
II was sitting here, said the Judge
Gin this old pulpit, holding court, and
we were trying a big, wicked-lookin2
Spanish desperate for killing the hus-
band of bright, pretty Mexican
woman. 1t was a lazy summer day,
and an awfully long one, and the wit
nesses were tedious. None of us took
any interest in the trial, except that
nervous, uneasy devil of a Mexican
woman because you know how they
love, and how they hate, and this
one had loved her husband with all
| her might, and now she had boiled ii
all down into hate, and stood there
splitting it at that Spaniard with her
eyes; and ! tell you she would stir me
up, too, with little of her summer
| lightning occasionally. Wen, | had
my coat off, and my heels up, lolling
and sweating, and smoking one OF
| those cabbage cigars the San Francisco
people used to think were good enough
/ for us in those times; and the lawyers,
they all had their coats off, and were
smoking and whiting, and the wit
| ncsses the same, and so was the
| prisoner. Well, the fact is, there
warn t any interest in murder trial
/ then, because the fellow was always
brought in mot guilty, the jury
expecting him to do as much for them
some time; and, although the evidence
was straight and square against this
! SDanard we knew we could not con
| Wet him without seeming to be rather
! high-handcd, and sort of rejecting on
every gentleman in the community;
! for there warn any carriages and
/ liveries then, and so the only style
| there was, was to keep your pri-
vate graveyard. But that woman
seemed to have her heart set on hang
| inc that Spaniard; and you ought to
| have seen how she would glare on him
a minute, and then look ur at me in
her pleading way, and then turn, and
! for the next five minutes, search the
! -. F.,n H. h,y
/ face in her hands for Just a little while,
as if she was most ready to give up;
! but out she'd come again directly and
| be as live and anxious as ever. But
when the jury announced the verdict
Not Guilty, and | told the prisoner
he was acquitted. and free to 90, that
woman rose up till she appeared to be
as tall and grand as seventy-four-gun
ship, and says she:
- Judge, do | understand Won to
say that this man is not guilty, that
murdered my husband without any
cause before my own eyes and my lit
/ tie children's. and that all has been
done to him that ever justice and the
/ law can do?'
IS The same, SavsI.
/ Nih thth NtdC Np NOh AtthOA 7iie
did? Why, she turned on that smirk-
/ ing Spanish fool like wild cat. and
out with a navy and shot him dead
in open COURT
That was spirited, | am willing tc
admit"
Wasn't it thought said the Judge
admiringly. II wouldn' I have missed
it for anything. | adjourned the court
right on the spot, and we put on oui
coats. aud went out and took up col
lection for her cubs. and sent them of
to their friends. All, she was a. spirit
ed venchn From Mark Twain j
( Sketches.
Hair brushing by Machinery"
Everybody has heard of the new way
BARRIERS have of dressing hair-theil
patent rollers and patent brushes Thu
subject has the delightful sensation o
a brush rolling over his head at the
rate of an ordinary steam engine. The
wind. the tickling, the fairy-like sensa
ton, are almost equal to the institution
in which female fingers perform tn,
delightful office. A few days since
however, in a certain metropolitan