Morning journal and courier., 1885-12-28
 HOLES.

''And what does Oracle darling expect to find in her stocking after Santa Claus comess' asked fond mother of her little girl. The baby face looked grave and then wise, cun- ming little smile curved the red lips and dim pied the sweet cheeks as she said plaintively 1T know, mamma; holes."-Goodalrs Sun. A Swanton couple called on a minister and desired to be splieed. When the deed was committed the bridegroom said he was short of cash, but that the minister might take his pay ill kissing the bride. The parsen looked once at the girl, shuddered and then gave the fellow receipt in full. He hadn't the heart to take mp with his generous proposi- tion.-St. Albans Messenger.
 This story is told of MT. Choate, the law yer: The son of prominent prelate was ushered into his office one day. MT. Choate, who was writing at the time, merely said, 'sTake a chair'' and went on with his writ ing. After the lapse of fifteen minutes of an embarrassing silence the visitor grew i'm patient and said, ''I'm Bishop -'s son. " Whereupon Mir. c. replied, "Take two chairs"
 'Why,' said ward politician, it is just as easy for man to be honest as it is dis tend to say that you are honests" some one asked ''Me? Wy, of course, I do." 'Wasn't it proved that you stole an over coat last fall?' 'fOh, yes, but that was g mugwump, and consequently don't count As long as I am 6 Republican or Democrat I am reasonably honest, but I confess as a mugwump I was 8 trife off."-Arkansaw Traveller.
 "Hew's business2" ''First rate! Why, my bookkeeper, sir, MT. slye, cleared s10,- 900 last quarter.'' s'Did hea And how about yourself?' tsWell, I can't tell exactly It'll depend on how much he has made this quarter. If he has done as well he did last quarter, our creditors will get about three cents on dollar. We are able to tell just where we are just now, you see, be- cause NIT. Slye left for Canada last week and forgot to strike a trial balance before he went. ."-Boston Transcript.
 Mrs Fizzletop has been making an earnest effort to have her son Johnny taught to play on the piano. A few days ago Mrs. F'izzle top called up stairs:
 'Why ain't you practicing your piece. JohnnyF'
 q am."
 s'You are not. You haven't touched the piano in the last half hour"
 ''Pve been practicing all the same There are pauses in this march, and am practic ing them over and over until I know them perfect. ."-Texas Siftings.
 MT. Sol Smith Russell tells how he recent ly renewed an acquaintance with MT. Otto Schnellgarten, of Milwaukee. Schnellgarten set ID tlle DoeF dIu pIeSohIly Iet ne see, Sol you oond me vas aloud the same age, ain't it! How old you, any vays'' ''I am 37 years old" replied MT. Rus sell. "Ach, gome now, dot vas 8 choke" i" insisted Schnellgarten, smiling skeptically. ''No,'' protested NIT. Russell, S'I was born in 1S4S." ''In eighdeen fordy eighd, chg cried Schnellgarten. ''Get oudI gatch you now You told me dot ten years ago!''-Chicago News.
 A sERENADER SNEEzES.
 Beneath thy lattice, beaute0us maid,
 Maid of the starry eyes;
 Ere he begins his serenade
 Thy faithful lover sighs
 Fair Dian shows her silvery light;
 Thy easement pray unbar,
 And will touch for thee tonight,
 Sweet love, the light guitar
 I'd sing besides, but ask me not,
 My own, my guiding star,
 This night, at least. for have got
 A touch of light catarrh.
 Boston Courier.