davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
THE CHURCH SEXTON.
How lie Erred In His Estimate of til
Standing of Worshipers.

Splendid day! VIII have quite a
turnout. There's nothing like sum-
shine to draw an audience. It's better
than all the popular preachers that ever
were born.
''Oh! there's my memorandum book;
I'd like to have forgotten it, and If
them directions hadn't been attended
to, most likely l should have lost my
place. Takes out a memorandum and
reads]:
by order of Judge r., the woman
who squints apd eats cardamon seeds
is not to be put in the seat in front of
him.
''By order of Squire b., the young
man who ogles his daughter and wears
plaid pants is to be put somewhere ON
the other side of the church.
"By order of the wealthy Miss
Prudence Prim, the young man whose
clothes smell of cigars and brandy shall
be set behind her.
"The request of Mr.. A., mechanic,
that strangers he not shown into his
pew-to be attended to if convenient.
Quite a chapter anyhow. But peo-
pie are beginning TO streak in. There's
two young women waiting. They are
common sort of folks, 1 guess; gentility
don't come quite so early as this Have
seat, marmp She says with n bow,
if you please, sir. No matter; polite
ness is cheap article, il don't cost
nothing. So here goes the two women
into one of the back wall pews. Here's
two more birds of the same feather;
wooden shawls, straw bonnets and cot
door; good enough in all conscience.
"Ah! there's bride. Satin, velvet
and white kids; fine broadcloth and
white vest. Shall have the pleasure
of showing yourself and lady some
seatsp They must have some frst-rate
seats for they are evidently somebody's.
What difference there is in folks!
"Now there's dressmaker and a
! school-mistress, nobodies. Back seats
good enough. Two young lawyers
somebodies; / must find seat in the
middle aisle. A broken-down minister,
coat rather scedy, cravat rather coarse
-nobody-side aisle. Six fashionable
boarding-school girls-smebodies
middle aisle, ifpossibe. Rouged checks,
but splendid silk cloak, somebody
middle aisle. An apprentice boy,
decent-looking, but n nobody-side
aisle.
Who'll say amt Judge of human
nature? Don't know who man is
the minute see himp
"Now there's one of cur seedy-coated
old fellows coming. Don't l set him
down as a nobody, and won't he be
glad TO get any kind of seatp III
show folks that under stand my bust
ness. Have seat, sirp
"Confound my ill-luck. Just as
was putting him into one of the poorest
seats of the house, along comes Judge
r., who, spying him, comes up and
says he; All! how dye do, Governor
B.p Take seat with me, sir; my wife
will rejoice to meet VOC Shaking
hands with the sccdy coat, he looked
daggers at me. and i'll bet fourpenct
I've lost my place. Who'd have thought
the old fellow was an ex-Governor?"--
81. Paul Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
A EAC1 NV.
Tho ENp"ri nee OF ~ tia Crrsb Gcn-
tic'nau In D. ~ ~; Lrt'er.

Tho Evp"ri nee OF II A u" Crr,, Gca-
tic'nau In q ~ ~; "a i.rt'er.
Colonel Ycrgrr. of Austin, bad just
finished writing letter. II was vry
important that il should 30 oil by tho
next mail, SO he rang the bell. and upon
the colors'l servant, Matilda. appear
ing, he handed her the letter, saying:
Take this Letter to the letter box on
the corner MS fast as you can. 1t is
very important
Matilda, the colorcd girl, went out
with the letter, and meeting the coach
man, handed 1t TO him, rcmarking:
jess you take dis hear letter to de
letter box"
The coachman started ont with the
letter. He happened 10 see q friend
passing, and 1t occurred to him that he
might save himself the trouble, so he
handed his friend the letter, requesting
him to post it without delay, rs il was
very important. That night the coach
mans friend, just before retiring. made
the discovery that he had forgotten to
post the letter, so he gave it to one of
the boys ut the stable, cnjOining him to
put it in the letter box early next morn
ing.
The stable boy was about to comply
with the request next morning, when a
baker, with whom he was acquainted.
happened to drive past in his cart.
"Hello! Tom" exclaimed the stable
boy; you take this letter and drop it in
the letter box and save me the trouble"
Among the customers of the baker
boy was Colonel Yerger himself. Just
as the baker boy drove up to the Yerger
mansion, Matilda. TO whom the letter
had been originally given. was just
going out of the gate on her way to
market. The baker boy handed her the
letter with the request to shove it in the
letter box. But just at that moment
Mrs. Yerger happened to open the door
and saw the boy hand her servant .
letter.
Il will have no such goings on as that
in this house." exclaimed Mrs. Yerger,
and she seized the letter from Matilda's
hand, and running into the house, ex-
claimed, in an excited voice to Colonel
Yerger:
1T is not safe to have that Matilda
about the house any longer Here she
is getting letters on the sly"
She handed the letter to Colonel
Yerger, who rccoiled in establishment
when he perceived the identical letter
he had written and addressed the night
before. Uttering an exclamation too
profane to print in family paper,
Colonel Yerger violently forced himself
into his coat, remarking:
'.Now 1 will post that letter myself,
and then l will know it is done. v
Teras SJtings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Foolish superstitions Dogs
Notwithstanding Cats-Charming
Away Warts.

81 think there are more idle, silly
superstitions in the popular mind of
the subject of physiology than any
subject l know Of" said an eminent
physician.
"Why do you say that Tell about
some Of them?"
"Take the popular notion in regard
to hydrophobia. If healthy dog
bite a child and years afterward 90
mad, the child will go mad, too.
You'll find that sentiment almost inc
radicable. Credit to the nineteenth
century, isn't it p So isthe corollary
from the proposition that when a
child is bitten by dog the beast
must be killed to keep the child from
going mad. Then there is that time
worn, but ever new scare, that cats
suck babies breaths. What a cat
could do with baby's breath is a
deep and unfathomable mystery to
me. l suppose they get into cradles
where there are children because of
the warmth, and superstitious people
are norin love with cats, and espe-
cially black ones. They twist the
vampire story around till they get the
breath-sucking story.
Another medieval anatomical
romance is that man has twelve
ribs and the woman thirteen, because
God took rib from man and made
woman from it. You will laugh at
the idea, but / heard men vehemently
declare it was true, and were perfectly
astounded when they found out they
were mistaken.
"The most common superstition
is the charming away of warts. Sensi-
bic white people will do all sorts Of
silly hOo-doo tricks to get rid of warts
They will try to git people to buy
them from them; they will cut as
many notches on the stick as they
have warts and hide the stick, in the
hope that somebody will find it who
will get the warts which have been
charmed of. The notion that if q
toad touches person warts will come
at the place of contact, is so strong
that l venture to say that there is
not one in twenty but is afraid OF
touching toad as a rattlesnake. Mil
lions of toads are killed annually on
this account, when they are really the
farmers and gardeners best friend
as they feed upon the bugs and worms
that destroy their plants.
"The most of these superstitions
are harmless, but one of these warl
myths is probably the most dangerous
superstition extant. They say that il
a horse hair Git must be black one
be tied tightly about a wart it will
disappear. 1t will usually. Also
usually it is replaced by a cancer
which is hardly desirable exchange
More cancerous growths are caused
by this crazy idea than come from
any other cause. l could go on fol
hours at a time on these medical sup
erstitions if 1 had time to relate them
or you had to listen to me. Elk.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
THE OLD ClO' MEN.
How They Manage To Dispose OF The
Accommodations.

How They Manage tn Dispose OF Their
Accommodations.
Some very amusing characters are
conspicuous in the streets of New York.
met one of these the other day. He
was middle-aged man, with shrewd
face and dark eyes. He was dressed in
coarse, loose stuff, much the worse for
wear, and he carried several garments
over his left arm. He was what we
call an ''old clio mana gathorer of
cast off coats and trousers, shoes and
boots and hats. AS was passing him
he asked me if had any old clothes to
sell, and assured me that he paid the
highest market prices. Then this little
dialogue, inspired by my own curiosity,
ensued
what do you do with the things you
pick up?" l inquired.
"What do l with themp" he said,
with laugh, 81 get rid of them-at q
profit"
"HowP"
"How? Easy enough. sell them
to the Westerners, and this is the way 1
do it, AS soon as l get big stock l
make up lot of bundles. as n pair Of
boots, a hat, q coat, or something else
in each. / stuff the bundles into cheap
bags and then start for some Western
town. hire store there and sell off
the bags ut auction. When that's done
/ take the first train out of that place.
If stayed till morning I'd be lynched.
There's a hundred places don't dare
to show my nose in. Once-only once
Il was caught badly to. lost the
train and had to stay all night in Mis-
sissippi village. The next day l was
kept mighty busy, l tell you, buying
back my bags and old clothes. never
saw such mad people. The trade is
dangerous you see, but II pays.
The philosopher whistled briskly and
went his way.-Gcorge Edgar Mont
0o,ney.u, IN NeWark advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

discovered there are three kinds of "qs"
the hard "g," the soft "g," and the
refugee" Beau has for the feminine,
arrow" peacock, ''peacockess;" and
German, ''Gerwoman;" the feminine of
bachelor Is "old maid. widow" of gos-
ling, "ganderess;" and of fox, share"
The plural of colloquy is colleagues,
colloquisei" and the chief parts of teach,
teacher, taught"
In English history, moro surprises
await us. king Stephen was tho
first English martyr who was martyred
in England; he was burned alive in ST.
Adams in Holborn." 'Magna Charta
was great man, and he was called
Magma Charta because he used 10 go
about preaching" The Heptarchy
was called the United States, it appears,
at one time; and it also may not be
generally known that saint Thomas a
Beckett was tax-gatherer, and one day
he quarreled with the Black Prince,
and wanted to kill him." One sapient
historian observed that the Treaty OF
Utrecht was fought between the Zulus
and the English" Some remarkable
and original information was given, too,
regarding Chaucer, Spencer and Swift
The first named person, it seems, wrote
"Esop's Fables" the second wrote the
"Wcalth of Nations;" while the third,
who lived in Johns reign, was a great
astronomer and joker"
But it is in sacred history that many
bright pupils surpass themselves in
leaving the region of facts and boldly
plunging into n sea of speculation. In
the opinion of one +" the Pharisees were
bad people who used to wash. " Pontius
pilot another affirmed, was one OF
the Arabian Nights; and third genius
discovered that the Greek translation
of the Old Testament was called Latin. !"
To the question: "Who wrote the
CatechismP" one said: .'St. Paul."
of the prophets" ITO whom did S.
Philip preachP" was one of the ques-
tons put. "To the unicorn, was tho
answer.
Here is the pith of a talented young
ster's paper on the "Good Samaritan. "
"A ccrting man went down from
jerslam to jeriker, and he fell among
thieves and the thorns sprang up and
choaked him--whereupon he gave tup-
pins to the host, and praid take care on
him and put him hon his hone hass.
And he past by on the other side. ="
This and the following are not, as
might be supposed, American exagger-
ations, but authenticated instances Of
examiners experiences.
The last specimen is in answer to the
question: ''Who was PILE
lived in bark maid of bullrushes, and
he kept Il golden calf and worshipt
brazen snakes, and he het nothin but
qwhales and manner for forty years.
He was kart by the air while riding I'M.
der bow of q tree and he was killed
by his son Abslon as he was hanging
from the bow. His end was peace. y
Chambers Journal
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Lace and Heavy Curtains.

1t is a well.known fact throughout
the State. that we are carrying and
selling more curtains than any house
in the State of Michigan. We inn
port direct all of our curtains, which
enables us to undersell our COMPETE
tors and give our customers all the
latest styles. We have just received
a new style of Lace Curtain which
give room the same effect as stain
ed glass window, they will be very
popular this season and the prices are
very reasonable. Lace Curtains from
S1.00 to $500, Heavy Curtains and
portiers from $500 to $125.00. We
are showing 80 different kinds of cur
tain poles from 50cts to $500 apiece,
all complete. Our stock in
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
LAWYER and Witness.

Counsel (to witness)-"Was your
wife with you on the occasion refer
red TOT"
Witness-"No, sir"
Counsel-"You are sure? Re-
member you are on OATH"
Witness-"I am quite sure"
Counsel-"Was she present with
any one else ?"
Witness-"No, SIR"
Counsel-"Did you tell her that
night?"
Witness-"No, sir"
Counsel-"Oran any subsequent timer
Witness-"No, sir"
Counsel-"You said nothing to her
whateveri"
Witness-"Not a word"
Counsel getting angry)-"Now
state to the court the reason or reasons
why you did not consult with your
wife regarding the important events
which occurred on the occasion men,
toned"
Witness-"Because 1 haven't got a
wife. New York Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Cure for Piles.

Piles are frequently preceded by q sense
OF weight in the back, loins, and lower
part of the abdomen, causing the patient
to suppose he has some election of the
kidneys or ncighboring organs. Attlmes,
symptoms OF indigestions are present,
fatulency, uneasness of the stomach, etc.
A moisture, like Precipitation, producing
a very disagreeable itching, after getting
warm, Is n common attendant. Blind,
Bleeding and Itching Piles yield at once
to the application of DIR. Bosanko's Pile
Remedy, which acts directly upon the
parts effected, absorbing the Tumors, al
laying che intense itching, and eaecting a
permanent cure. Price 80 cents. Ad-
dress, The DR.. Bosanko Medicine Co.,
Plque, o. Sold by Houk Il Perkins and
II. Becbe. 723y1
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
The Druggists r.

The letter ar" with a tail flourish,
as employed by physicians in pre-
scriptions, is the symbol Of Jupiter,
under whose special protection all
medicines were placed. The letter
itself (Recipe, take) and its flourish
may be thus paraphrased: under
the good auspices of Jove, the patron
of medicines, take the following drugs
in the proportions set down. Elk.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
M ORTGAGE SALE.


Whereas, default has been made in the conditions
of certain mortgage, bearing date the thirty
day OF March, A. ID. 1888, made and executed by
Destimonia Gurnscy, administratrix OF the estate
Of John c. Gurnsey, deceased, OF the county of AL
pena, State of Michigan, to Edgar ii. Watrous OF
the same place, and recorded in the Office of the
Register OF Deeds for said county of Alpcna, on
the 14th day Of April, A. D. 1888, in liber OF mort
cages on pages los, LOG and 107, and
WHEREAS, There is now due and payable upon
said mortgage, the sum Of three hundred and six.
tytwo dollars ts362.0ol, for principal and accrued
interest, and .
WHEREAs, No suit or proceeding has been insti-
tuted mt law or in equity, to recover the dept Sc
cured by said mortgage, or any part therof;
Now, therefore, notice IL hereby given that by
virtue Of the power of sale contained In said mort
gage, and under and In pursuance OF the statutes
Of the State of Michigan. in such case made and
provided the undersigned, on Monday, the 21th day
OF July, A. ID. 1885, at twelve o'clock noon, mt the
front door Of the Court House, in the city OF Al
pona In said county of Alpena that being the place
where the Circuit Court for said county Is held,
will sell at public auction 10 the highest bidder the
premises described In said mortgage, OF so much
thereof shall be necessary to satisfy said debt
Said premises being situated in the county Of Al
pena, aforesaid and known and described rs the
northeast quarter "a of the northwest quarter
ca Of section twenty t27l and the southeast
quarter IN Of the southwest quarter "a OF Sec
ton twenty-five t22), all In town thirty-two t32l
north, Of range seven az east.
Dated, April 18th, 1885.
Mortgagee.
BLAnE 4 ConooRAx,
Attorneys for Mortgagee 'i6w1a
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
PARLOR FURNITURE.

We are prepared to show our GUS
toners much larger stock than ever
before, in all the latest designs, and
offer very fine suite in Tapestry, for
$4,000, a handsome suite in Embossed
and Plain Black with spring edges,
for $4,000. These goods are of the
best value in Michigan, for the money.
We are showing supurb assortment
of Easy Chairs from $500 and up
wards. $1,000 buys handsome Plush
Patient Rocker. We will sell this
season a Marble Top Table, 20x2S,
White Marble, $500, and dark Mar
BILE. Lounges as low as $3.50. We
have 100 solid black Walnut Beds at
$3.50 each, worth at least 800.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
J. b. NEWTON, Atty fer PltG.
MORTGAGE SALE.

INV
Default having been made in the terms and
ditions of n certain indenturc of mortgage bear
ing date the 10th day of April A. D. 1881, and ex-
ecuted by and between Isaac +. Selleck and AIDA
v. Selleck of the first part, and Columbus N. Dag
Office of the Register of Deeds for the county of Al
pena, on the 22nd day of April, 1881, in lber of
mortgages, on page 81, and by which said default
the power of sale in said mortgage contained has
become operative, and IL being claimed that there is
now due and unpaid at the date hereof said
mortgage the sum of one hundred and twenty-nine
dollars and thirty cents, l.l29.30l, for principal
and interest, together with attorney fee Of tiff
teen Cl5l dollars, provided for in said mortgage and
no suit or proceeding either ut law or in equity,
having been instituted 10 recover the amount
cured by said mortgage, or any part thereof, now,
therefore;
Notice is hereby given that on the 10th day of
September A d. 1885, ut two o'clock in the afternoon
of said day. at the front door of the Court House.
in the city of Alpena, county of Alpena and State
of Michigan, that being the building in which the
gagged premises situated is held, there will
be sold &C public auction, to the highest bidder,
the premises described in said mortgage, so much
thereof may be necessary to satisfy the said debt
the interest thereon. and said attorney fee and all
costs and charges allowed by law Said mortgage
ed premises are situated in Apena township,
county Of Alpena, and State of Michigan, and
land described in SAID mortgage follows, to-wit :
Southwest quarter of the southeast quarter OF
section 25, town thirty-two north of range eight
(sl east.
Mortgage.
VIcToR G. BUREHAM,
Attorney for Mortgage 72iw13
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
ALPENA WEEKLY ARGUS.
MISCELLANEOUS.
TWO TABLEAUx.

TWO TABLEAUx.
Mother and Child.
Two little dimpled, rosebud feet,
As the apple blossoms sweet
Nestled IN one loving hand
Where bright sea waves kissed the sand,
Long ago!
Two little hands like rose leaves lay
On a warm breast as fair as they;
Two little hands all pink and white,
Like the tinted sea-shels bright,
Long ago!
Two merry, glad, wlde-opcn eyes
Looked up with wondering sweet surprise
Into two mirrors, faithful true,
Which mothersoul looked tondly through,
Long agol
Two pretty, poutlng, pins-pearl lips,
Peach-tinged, like toes and finger tips;
Two lips of richer, ripper red
On Loves warm kisses swcctly Tod,
Long agol
A precious, helpless lump of clay
In which pure bright spirit lay,
Waiting the mothers watchful eye
To train II for the by-and-by,"
Long agol
Child and Mother.
Two wrtnkled hands ike dead leaves lay
Soft folded DER breast OF clay;
Two wrinkled bony, bare, brown hands,
Where sea waves kiss tho crystal sands,
Now us then!
-
Two tired. tired feet, all thin and worn
On lifc's rough rocks, oft bruised and torn;
The weary feet, too weak 10 20
On life's rough pathway 70 and fro,
Now us thonl
Two fearless eyes close yelled from light,
Meath soft-frinped lids OF pcarl'gray white;
Two love-lit eyes, deep, tender, true
No moro the mothcrso looks through,
Now MS thcnl
A precious, lifelcss lump OF clay
From which the soul hath passed away;
A loving woman. tender, sweet,
Kisses tho face, the hands. the feet,
Now as then!
-Ethcl Ethcrton, in Detroit Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
Kidnapping Children.

The 81. James Gazette remarks that
at the beginning of the preient century
it was commonly believed that master
chimney-swceps used to ki1nap the
children of well-to-do parents nd force
them to the slavery of climbing CHM
neys. There was perfect scare about
the matter at the time. andft WIS not
altogether without foundation. That
gypsics have frequently been in the
habit of stealing children when they
can, there Is no doubt; and vase
which has just been heard at Middle sex
Sessions shows that kidnapping is eve
now not extinct A Mr.. Jackson, a
blind gentleman, and mcndicant | 3
profession, was pursuing his calling.
when he came across little girl, whom
lie first asked to lead him over the road,
and then persuaded TO accompany him
home. Here Mr.. Jackson and his wife
detained the child, taking her out with
them to beg. Six months hard labor
for the man and three for the woman
was the sentence for the offensc.
Y. Post
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22

The smallest magazine ever pub
lished is said to be the Musical Month
ty of London. Its size is 81 by u
inches. IL has been reduced to these
dimensions by phototypc, end tho con-
tents includes several musical pages.
The reproduction is exquisitcly done;
but the most tiny Of the type. infinitely
smaller than any ever cast, can only be
read by the aid Of magnifVng gl3ss
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
. HERIFF'S SALE.

asr facas issued ont OF the tirouit Court for the
county OF Alpena, dated ON the 10th day OF June,
A. ID. 1885, in favor Of Clarisa Harshaw, plaintiff
ments Of John Heating and Charles Heating, de-
PENDANTS, for the sum of one hundred dollars aud
hftyone cents sl0O.5ll, and returnable the first
day of September, A. d. 1885, 20 me directed and
delivered, 1 did on the I'd day of july A. ID. 1885
levy upon all the right title and interest of John
Heating and Charles Heating, In and 10 the follow
ing described real estate, to-wit The southwest
quarter Of the southeast quarter Of section three
f town thirtytwo (32l NORTH OF range six t6l east
All of which shall expose for sale at public aue-
ton or vendue 10 the highest bidder at the front
door OF the Court House, in the city Of Alpena in
said county, on the 9th day of August A. d. 1885,
at ten o'clock in the forenoon Of said day.
Dated July I'd, 1885. $3.50 -.
JAMES L. DENTON,
Sheriff of Alpena county.
BY CHAs. L. LYNCH,
727w7 Under Sheriff.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-07-22
CHAMBER SUITES.

This season, is composed of the best
manufactures in the country. We
are showing 100 different styles in
Mahogany, Ash, White Maple, Cher
ry, Walnut and Imitation Mahogany.
Note some of these prices: In Ma.
hogany Imitation suite for s24.00,
Ash suits for $4,000; Maple suite,
for $500, Walnut Marble Top
suite, bevel glass, for $4,000, a
very handsome Mahogany Imitation
suite, bevel glass, all polished, for
$1,000, and one style for $4,000. We
have bedroom suites from $500 to
100000.
Persons visiting Detroit will find it
pleasure and profitable in spending
an hour or two in our ware rooms,
and they are always welcome whether
they wish to purchase or not.