The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-11-26
WIT AND HUMOR.


The very fashion able young N an has
ordered slow yacht, because Its
English, ye know"
We will allow 80 cents apiece for
grown hens to parties whose paper has
been stopped and are still owing us for
it.-BIakely (Ga.) News.
Does your family play ball?" was
asked of little shaver.
'.Me and mother does" he replied.
II bawl, and she makes the base-hits.
The Troy Times says that "when
Massachusetts Postmaster gifts a letter
addressed to somebody, K PAN, he at
once chucks it into the mailbag for
Cape Ann"
An old goat in Mississippi recently
ate 200 green cucumbers, then broke
into a drug store, butted the top off
bottle of castor-oil and swallowed the
contents Rambler
The London Aedicat Times thinks
that the treatment of snake bite by
putting gunpowder on the wound and
touching it off with a match may be
thought rough, but is often successful.
Freshman Professor (holding up a
written exercise)-''I perceive that this
one was copied from outside helps.
The man who handed it in will re-
main" A half-dozen remained. - Yale
Record.
James Gordon Bennett has eight
owls over his Newport gate. 1t takes
a good many en- blems to properly con-
vey to the public an idea of all the
wisdom of a New York newspaper--St.
Louis PoSt-Dispatch.
A grocer's boy complained to his
employer that he was worked too hard
and did not get srtficien rest.
Il know, Johnny" admitted the
grocer, "that you are kept pretty busy
most of the time. but I'll see what can
be done. Perhaps when cold weather
sets in I'll let you draw molasses once
in a while"
Judge-'Prisoner at the bar, you
are charged with willful murder. Are
you guilty or not guilty?" Prisoner
that way? As you put it, it's diff
cult question to decide. S'posen we
simplify the matter by goin in for a
disagreement of the jury. boston
Transcript.
An article in an exchange is headed.
"Why President Cleveland Didn't
Fish Sunday" We haven't read it,
but suppose it was because he spaded
up half an acre of ground without find
ING single worm. Web frequent
ly been in the same aggravating pre-
dicament. 2. Son q week day
NorristoWn Herald.
.What you want" said the barber,
as he ran his fingers through the few
remaining hairs on the head of Gus
toner; what you want is a bottle of
my hair-restorer.
"What l want" replied the custom
er. sis a divorce"
And the barber said no more.-Bos-
ton Courier.
"If l were you and you were l., she
sang vigorously at the piano, and,
turning to him, said: ''Wha would
you do?' well, love-" he answered,
Judging from your disposition and
the color of your hair, I'd say you
would take a club and knock me off
that piano stool if | didn't stop sing
ing. "-Merchant Irareier.
A young Harvard man who was
travelling in England this summer was
asked by a gentleman in Birmingham
if Boston was not the ''seat of the
American Parliament. He replied
promptly: Yes. it was up to the be-
ginning of the Christian era, when it
was transferred to St. Paul, Mimi, in
honor of the apostle who converted the
Minnesotans. "-BoSton Courier.
Two men riding on railroad train.
One of them buys book, and after
reading it awhile throws it down,
turns to his chance companion and
says:
This is the dullest book | ever saw.
1t is fraud. I'd like to maui the au-
thor. What are you taking off your
coat for?"
81 am the author. "-ArkanSaw 7rav.
eler.
81 am very timid man." writes a
subscriber in Ohio. 81 am nervous,
constitutionally timid; a very coward,
in fact. | am ashamed of it, but
can't help it. Now, what profession
or occupation can | adopt in the prac-
tice of which l will be most perfectly
safe from harm or danger?" Go to
France, my son; 90 to France and be
duelist. Or you might remain in
America and DE a pugilist. brooklyn
Eagle.
There'il be a pretty how-de-do
among New Jersey lawyers if the
courts follow up the precedent estab-
lished by e-Chancellor Bird in his
decision that lawyer who induces a
client to give an So, mortgage for
1915 and then sells it himself for S4 200
must turn the profit over to the client
instead of pocketing it himself. Jersey
pettifoggers will fail to see the use OF
being lawyers if they have to be as
honest as other men. -AlientoVn pa.
Register.
"a am very tired" said the lady at
the head of the clearinghouse table
Monday morning to the good-natured
minister who sat at the other end.
You should not be-" said the parson;
you didn't preach a sermon yester-
day NO" said the lady. almost
unconsciously, "but listened to one ~
Then followed an oppressive silence,
which gave the minister time to reflect
that he had come out only second best.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Eyes, used to be a confirmed beer
drinker, but thanks to the efforts OF
kind friends, was able to throw off
the awful habit said the speaker at
a Kentucky temperance meeting,
Don't you kind O. banker after it
nowP" asked dyspeptic in the crowd.
mo, sir, not a cents worth" 'How
did you stop?" Just took little
whisky now and then, until the taste
for beer was wholly eradicated. 1t
was a glorious triumph, gentlemen, "
It'd BITS.
Miss Maud Howe's Tastes.
The genuine Newport belle, for she
has lived there since she was a child,
is Maud Howe, a daughter of Julia
Ward Howe, and who, though verging
I