News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-10-08
TERMS $3.50.
HE HURRIED HER so.

his wife, who was getting ready to go
with him on train.
'tDon't hurry me, and pll be ready all
| the sooner" returned the busy woman,
snappishly.
The husband said no more, and let
her take her own time. In about three
| quarters of an hour she came down look
ing as trim as a new doll, and said !:
"Well, here / am, but what have you
been doing Why haven't you got on
your boots and coat 2"
"Oh, there's no great rush now, my
dear; no rush at all. The train has been
! gone d quarter Of an hour"
/ 'sWell you're a mzau thing sad the
woman, boiling out of the room that's
| Just what you are. If you hadut kePt
hurrying me all the time I'd have been
ready long ago. - Chicago Ledger.
''GEE" IN BosToNEsE.
A Western man who was touring
through the East, in passing a meadow
heard the driver say:
| abandon the direct progression to
the straight thitherward, and deviate by
inclinatorv and aberrant dextrogyratlon
into dextra1 incidence"
1t was an amateur Boston farmer say
ing ''gee Buck" to his yoke of oxen.-
ChacagO Inter Ocean.
A PROSPECTIVE PRESENTATION.
''fs to-day your birthday, Mr.. Gin
gerbread ?" asked johnny of the young
man is the parlor.
''No, Johnny. Why do you ask ~
''Sis is going to make you present.
She said So"
''Indeed. What did she say 2"
''She said you'd been coming here
long enough, and that she'd give you
the mitten to night"
I'm very fond of Burns" exclaimed
a romantic girl. "You are, ma'am.
Then tell you what to do, pour can
of kerosene on the fire some morning"
LANDLADY-'I wish to say that there
will be dessert to-day for everybody.
Those who have paid their board will
get pudding for dessert. Those who
have not will desert the table"
A MAGISTRATE has just decided that
an electric light company cannot recover
pay for light that it does not furnish.
This Is one of the points in which an
electric light company differs from the
Gas Trust
A SMALL son of Raleigh man, when
asked if he was not very much fright i
ened when the lightning struck his
fathers house, replied: "No, de Lord
wasn't gwine to hurt me; it was daddy
he was after"
"ARTHUR, I fear, ahl I fear-you
have ceased to love mem "Why, Emma,
what makes you think so2" ''Well, you
see, Arthur, it used to take you so long
to button my gloves, and now-you do
it so quickly!
Host Ito missionary" -"You see, doc
tor, society compels young ladies to dress
in these low-necked-" Missionary
dnterrupting)-"Oh, don't apologize!
No necessity, I assure you. I have
lived ten years among the Fiji Island
ers."
LADY. in registry office-'1 am afraid
is too small l should hesitate to trust
her with the baby" Clerk-"Her size,
madam, we look upon as her greatest re-
You should remember
that when she drops baby it doesn't
have very far to fall"
A BELFAST gentleman and wife were
riding out one day recently and stopped
at a house on Northport avenue, and
asked for drink of milk. The young
lady informed him that they had only
skinned milk, which the gentleman
said would do. After drinking, the |
man insisted upon paying for it, but the
young lady refused. She finally said,
1--WE want no pay; we give SKINNED
milk to pigs"
HIS FIRST CIGAR.
A small boy puffed at big cigar,
His eyes bulged out and his cheeks sunk in,
he gulped rank fumes with his lips ala;
While muscles shook in his youthful chin;
His gilIs were green, but he smole smile,
de sat high up on the farmyard stile,
And cooked his hat DER his CLASSY eye,
Then wunk wink at a cow near by.
The earth swan round, but the stile stood
still,
The trees rose up and the kid crawled down,
He groaned aloud for he felt so ILL.,
And knew that cigar had ''done him brown;
Fl s head WAS light and his feet like lead,
His cheeks grew white as a linen spread,
While he weakly gasped, as he gszed afar,
"If live, this here's my last cigar"