The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-01-17
ETIQUETTE OF WHIST.
IBm Nye, in New York Mercury.

Bill Nye, in New York Mercufy.j There are certain suggestions and note. relative to the manner of playing the modem, scientific game of whist, which VIC do not find in the dry rules laid down by our best writers. While they tell us the mechanical operations of playing and how to make the most of the cards held they do not tell us what small talk should be inserted between hands in order to tighten the sombre routine of play. Fol instance, should the dealer spill the cards on the floor while trying to shufis them, many would not know what to say in order to relieve him of his embarrass. ment. You should at that time ask him if you had not better procure bushel basket for him to snuff. in. This will a, once produce roars of laughter and the game will proceed smoothly. Mir. Hoyle has omitted such suggestions as these and have taken the responsibility oi naming few.
 Should you wish to gain the esteem and admiration of your partner and other lovers of whist, occasionally ask, "What's trumpr" and yawn, so that the players may admire the filling in your wisdom teeth. This shows your intense interes, in the game and gives your partner per- feet faith and childlike confidence in your play.
 The game may be greatly enhanced by the hesitation of a player when a new suit is introduced, and his bright, crisp and original remark that he'l be hanged if he remembers whether the ace of that has been played or not. This will show every one that an Advise Providence, seeing that you wouldn't know what to do with an intellect if you had it, saw fit te give yours to COW.
 If your adversarics gain the rubber and one of them does the scoring, make the remark that it is half in counting and suggest that you will keep the books yourself hereafter. This joke is still in good repair, and you can now get it with your pack of cards and counters of any first-class dealer. The game of whist is very much frightened up by these re- marks, and would no more think of getting whist cards, etc., without secur- ing the jokes that go with the pack than l would go into the minstrel business without Noah's Joke Book" and Adams great work entitled Mirth Without a Master; or, Every Man His Own Damphool."
 Should your partnert u mp trick W i b is already your own, show your superior knowledge of the game by abusing her if she be a.lady. This will convince her that you are a gentleman and that you know more about the game of whist than you do about common decencv. The Nf hssk a.. my hands. It is the blood of a man who played whist against me one evening and scolded his partner till the tears came in her beautiful eyes. He claimed that he had right to do 90 because she was his wife, but that didn't make any difference with the coroner's jury. She makes a mighty 6ne-looking widow, and do not regret the part took in the tragedy.
 There are two kinds of brute ve,te- brates. One wears hair and has the de- cency to stay cut of doors; the other wears clothes and makes money and insists on coming indoors and playing whist and abusing his partner. One hangs by his tail to forest tree and behaves himself the other hangs by his string to de- cent society and makes himself obnox- ious.
 Should your mind wander while play ing the game of whist, so that you fool ishly throw away trick, third hand, take back your card and substitute another, laughing merrily all the time. Your re- mains will look much better when ar- ranged for the tomb if you die with a smile on your face. If you wish to be loved by all who know you, and if you wish to secure an early immortality. insist on throwing away tricks in the third hand, yawn till the top of your head settles out oe sight, and occasionally ask, "What's trumps?
 Lots of people of that kind have died suddenly during the past five years, and many thought their deaths were caused by some secret society, but they were not. It's getting so now that if a man plays whist that way, the life insurance compa- nies will not insure him, and don't blame them. I'd as soon insure the man who goes around with his coat-tail pockets full of czar busting bombs.