Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1885-07-25
SAN FRANCISCO LETTER.
A CHAT WITH BARNUE'S CURL
OSITY COLLECTOR.
Beautiful Charcoal Women An
American King and Champion
Liar Abroad-SoIne Experiences.
correspondence of the RzooRD-Umok. ]


around the world seeing very little Of its
curiosities To meet man who has
tnveled with his eyes open IS a privilege.
Mr. Phil. Kirby, native Of Baltimore is
now resting by the Bay. after three years
OF life in Asia, where he was engaged as an
agent Of Barnum, in finding and obtaining
curios for the renowned sbowman's city
of tents" The following dissertation upon
his romantic experiences abroad demon
strates that the full-hedged American circus
agent is not only master Of the white Gle
plant trade, but the champion liar q the
universe. He says:
Why MEN SHOULD BE HAPPY.
Men ought to be happy everywhere on
this earth, for I've been into its remotest
corners, and never yet found 9 place with
out beautiful women. In the interior of
Japan, where white men had never been
seen, the men fell down 10 worship one, but
the women began coquettng just the same.
| tell You there is no use denying it, all
woman are tiirts. Why, right in the heart
Of Africa those Eubian women know how
to inyeigle a man and then laugh st his
would-be attentions. Splendid physiques
they have, too; graceful as possible, and
blacker than the blacklist negro in America
Their skins are soft and shine like polish
From Japan ! sailed for America with
sixteen acrobats, five dancing girls, two
ourang-Outangs, a lot Of boa-constrictors,
fifteen curious AsiatiC natives. none Of
whom knew a word of English. | also had
other Cufi0sities, but not they, nor all my
five years handling BaTnum's nenageries
gave me the trouble of those girls Though
unable to converse, they took 20 flirting
with the Oceanic officers Ike ducks take to
water.
Cashmere woman are unQue8tionably
nearest physical perfection OF any human
beings. Though intelligent IL conye-sing,
there is an air Of dreamy languor about
their creamy complexion and large, ex-
pressive eyes that makes man fancy him
self among the angels just by gazing OF
their beauty.
i YAFKEEE Trade TACTTCs.
On entering the royal palace ct Mande-
lay ! found King Theobaw seated on s
fQVr-fQQt square dais, against magaitiCently
embroidered tapestry " INTERPRETER pre-
scented me- but the King looked as black as
thunder. I thought the jig was up sure,
when he said TO my man Why does he
not PROSTATE before nae as do others p
Through the interpreter. said, " am an
American, In my country We are all
kings, and PROSTATE 10 God only" He an
swercd, OF course, if he IS king VI home
he may stand
He ordered his court 10 withdraw, and
upon my word, almost laughed. They
dare not raise even on ali tours or turn
around but crawiish out, sliding on their
bellies feet first II was z Tepulsive sight,
but necessary form to that element Of
human nature. If allowed 10 approach the
King standing, they might stick q knife
into him o. any moment so treacherOus
are they I STAYED SIX weeks in his palace
/ had learned, through Consuls, that he
would trade only when half full. So /
brought g fine stock OF American liquors
and other works Of art for gifts ! started
in 10 Eli him with champagne. But great
Cesar Wept | thought he'd drink down
Barnum million. 1t was pouring water
on a ducks back for a week, and not a
word about elephants. Then persuaded
him that ole Kentucky and champagne
vas nice mixed drink, and that brought
him silly My business had 10 be led upto
with great tact for the Burmese worship
white elephants and such thing as one
leaving the country had never been
dreamed Of,
THE WORLDS LEVER.
Al last, for $50 COO I bought Q splendid
fellow. of q light chocolate color With
white face He weighed eleven tons, was
docile, kind and perfect in form. Alter
that ! got q female of nine tons weight Tor
$4,000 she was q dark-cream or ecru
color. In the meantime my eye vas kept
peeled for other curiOs. ! found the King
had g hairy family, comprising parents and
grown son. They were wonderful. Their
skins we're brown and their hair natural,
but there was. in addition, an unnatural
growth of . beautiful glossy, straw color
like the silk in an ear of green corn, or
raw silk. 1t grew about two inches long
on the breast, arms, legs, and an lnch-wIde
strip above their eyebrows. TheObaW
promised them 10 me for 5000, i the
Queen would consent-in fact, he would
sell his kingdom for money.
But the Queen IS the power behind the
throne l loaded her with gifts, and oh,
how / did WOO that woman. I'm from
Wooer county, too, when ! spread myself
| gradually raised the price TO $4,000. no
use. She would not give up her pets. The
King limited that they were connected by q
secret, but was too afraid Of her to give II
away. | br bed every retainer on the
place, but they were all afraid Is death OF
the Queen, and would only drop o word
here and there. | never could find It out
THE TRAVELLER gErs LEFT.
Finally, I gave up, and started overland
with my two elephants, two royal priests,
fifty natives and a camel tram. to the
steamer port. 1t was one unendlng oya-
ton. In towns, people knelt so thick pray
ing t. the beasts, we would be hours pass
in0 short distances. The animals were so
intelligent they won my heart, and stayed
about great deal petting and feeding them
In port we cinched belly-bands around
them. and with mOnstrOus steam power
graphing hooks, hosted them on board
without a struggle on their part.
had box stalls of siX-lnch plank, IN
which they seemed comfortable; but soon
after leading, while munchlng some green
e-ass. NV big chocolate drop suddenly
threw up his head with roar and broke
through his stall Ike so much paper. Peo-
pie got out Of the way and he began tear
ing the ship to pieces IN rage. got q
two and q half-inch Manila rope over his
hind foot but Lord he snapped 1t like
You would cotton thread. Then got an
iron cable, and that anchored him. By
and by he lay down on his side, as II he
was sleeping; but priest said he vas
dead I could not believe 1t, and waited
long time for him to wake Then | felt all
around his noble heart-all still. ] ran a
move. He was gone. l buried him in an
immense pit with barrel OF lime over
him, and so ended the first lesson.
THE OTHER ELEPHANT OK 4 TEAR.
The smaller one came along all right TO
Singapore. That is a lovely city. Its
streets are paved like an asphaltum walk
and bordered with trees trimmed TO meet
in an arch overhead, from which depend
lamps at regular intervals. Here the
natives had me arrested for stealing the
elephant, and detained a fortnight at
great expense. OF course they had no
case On the last day l was dining, when
through the air came the sound of my
elephant uumpeting. l knew that meant
business and hurried to the scene. People
were fleeing for life. She was crashing
houses, pulling up trees, and playing smash
generally. When she came to a pond she
rushed into it and covered herself, only
i -