Connecticut western news., 1885-05-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

1HM urht ueWnueAlGE N& duWNPh. Pharaoh made a ruler out of him, md he became stationary.
 "RoILHR skates must goI" yells a Brooklyn preacher. If he gets on g pair he'll find that they do go.
 TIE crow is not SO bad . bird. It never shows the white feather, and never complains without oawa
 IT is said that Arabs have no fear of death. We should think not The only thing a man can live for in that country is Co die.
 A MAN may be loaded to the eyebrows with philosophy, and yet become aa helpless as a child when he tries to get the last worn with woman.- Chicago Ledger.
 FRESH (reading Virgil) )- "'And thrice I tried to throw my arms around her that was as far as l got Professor Professor - l" That was quite far enough" ...... .a
 A KuRp Is not allowed wife until he is Q practised robber. If Fish and Ward of New York had been Kurds, we sus- pect they would have boon allowed to havo ten wives apiece. ... ..-...e
 AN exchange heads an item, "The United States Navy on the IsthmuS." We are glad to hear that 1t has reached land in safety, As VIC always feel troubled when it's on the water.--PUok.
 'tNiY arms roach out-in vain
 They fold the air"
 sings D. O. Stedman, in the Century. Of course they do They always do when you get on roller skates. --Rook- ldnd Courier.
 THK Lion will roar and the Bear will growl, but the American Eagle, high in the blue empyrean, with widespread wings, will rest, and with keen eye note the varying fortunes of the two, says a Western paper.
 A YOUNG and pretty woman has been wandering about New York saying that she wants to get married, and has been placed in an asylum, evidence of her insanity being that nhe should want to marry New York man.
 s,I UNDERSTAND you and Bnker arc out, said Steadyboy 10 FunnywAg, the other day. ''It's not Blker; it's that am out" answered Funny, sadly. ''How's that" "why, I'm out @ that Bilker owes me."--Hatohot,
 "A Los ANarLKs rancher has raised a pumpkin SO large that his twin ohil- dren use each a half-section for a cradle" That's nuthin'. In San Fran. cisco four full-grown policemen have been found asleep on single boat
 "YouR conduct surprises me l" er- claimed the good old farmer, when he caught neighbor's boy robbing his or chard. 'No more than your appear ance surprises me-" replied the incor- rigible youth, as he hastily departed.
 AN apothecary at Marquette adver- tises in the local paper: Attention, roller skaters We carry full line of plasters, lint, bandages, liniments, oint- ments, etc, for the relief of sprains and bruises, while our corn cure will help your feet"
 SAITH ono Nebraska editor of another 'ThAt one of the moet despicable and cowardly of our citizens should be al- lowed to. infiict the most puerile and libeloua sentiment upon worthy citizons in the only daily publication in the city is to be deplored.
 THERE is an old .story suggested by the present. position of affairs in Afghan istan. "were you in earnest, sir, when you pulled my nose2" "You bet l waA. " "Well, am glad you was, for want you to undersand that don't allow any one to joke with me in that fashion"
 HE was thclr rich old uncle,
 With groAt big pilos of tin,
 And they resolved that ho should dic, That they might rake h in.
 They didn't go and mix him Any poisoned tea to drink,
 But just gave him ticket To e roller-skating rink.
 ".a -Chiodgo TrfbtHe.
 I,rrrnH prattler to elderly visitor: ',Mamma says baby has got my nose. What does she mean, Mrs. Gummer" Elderly visitor; ''she means that baby's nose is like youra." Little prattler; 'sThen baby's got your mouth, hasn't she ? Cos she hasn't got any teeth in it."
 "wHAT explanation have you to of- fer2" asked the Judge. 'I found the pocketbook." 'In tho gontleman's pocket, suppose" "YeS, sah; of I had said found it somewhar else don evil minded folkses thought hab said dar was someHn spishous about dc transac- ton. "-T Teras Siftings. -....
 "YEs, SIR, desire to buy house in the country" said tho broker. 'I am sure mine will suit you," answered his caller. "It has beautiful situation right on the margin of lake, and" "That's enough. I don't want it. l will not buy anything on margins these | sv,o. W ar,,,hatfcallv Rnid tha broker.