The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-08-06
pIrn AsD'PoMr.y


PIrH AND P0MT.
Acousuc properties trumpsts.
AAB0sto1s Star.
VoMAS's sphere-An apple dump.
aing.--The Judge.
A TRADE scenter-The drummer
Nelc York Journal.
WHEN ignorance is bliss il is folly to
ask the landlady what she puts in the
hash.
We suppose the gaze of cross-eyed
girl might be technically spoken Of as
winding stare Rockldnd Courier.
"ANorHER cut-down," remarked the
barber, as he shaved the upper lip of a
youthful customer.-Boston Tran
script.
WE live to-day
We die tomorrow;
We're out OF cash.
We have to borrow.
Merchant lrdreler.
LIVE is real, and girls are earnest.
if they can't GET what they like
1afy. cream, and kindred goodies
They will organize strike.
-Cticugo >'ri.
San Bings, where are you going for
The winter?" 30, I shall take run
over to Italy and do Mount Vesuvius."
ST see going TO foreign climb"
BOARDING HOUSE keeper-"Why,
how deity you carve the beef. Mr..
Smith. You must be an adept" Smith
with q grunt OF exertion) -"Yes'm, I
am; I'm good wood-carver by trade"
AT THE RINK.
conceited, long legged young man
Was skating with a maiden named Ann,
When up flew the floor
And made him feel sore.
And spii. his pants from Beersheba 10 Dan.
--NOrrfStOTn Herald
THIRTEEN young ladies' in Newark.
New Jersey. have pledged themselves
not to kiss Young men who use tobac-
co. The remaining l,2l5 girls will
continue to kiss anybody they get a
chance TO.
HERE is deep-seated joke for the
hard thinkers What is the difference
between a fashionably young
man and tobacco chewer? One wears
the weed and the other chews it.-Carl
Pretzels DJeekly.
A CORRESPONDENT of q fashionable
paper ask: "What shall / get for
moths?" We should not get anything;
but, if the correspondent is fond of
moths. very acceptable present would
be a sealskin jacket.
"ALITTLE learning is" etc-Tommy:
GOOD dog, Nep! | say, Charley, who
was Neptune?" Charley: "Oh! he
was teacher OF swimming, and licked
the French at the battle OF What's-its-
name, We know Fam.
GIL take it out of his hide" re-
marked jim TO Mildred, referring in a
towering passion to some injustice done
him by schoolmate Don't take lit
out of his hide, JIM" replied the high
school girl, extract il from his epider-
mis-" (
"HALLo" said policeman, what are
you sitting out here in the cold for?
Why don't you 60 in the house Have
you lost the key?" "No," responded
the disconsolate citizen; "I-hic:-
haven't lost the key. ISe-hic-lost
tao key-hole."
A sHREwD old lady cautioned her
married daughter against worrying her
husband too mreh, and concluded by
saying MY child, man is like an
egg. Kept in hot water little while
he may boil soft, but keep him there
TOO long and he hardens."
SMALL girl-"Aren't you awfully
glad to be on land sometimes 2" I'm
cle-"Why, what do you mean? flat
ter myself | am on land most of the
time" Small girl-"lou arei Why,
papa says that whenever he sees you,
you are about half seas over"
AMOTHEG -IN-LAw is a very good friend.
And OF smoOths the troubles o. life
With Kindly advice, though some cynics pre-
tend
That her aim is to part man and wife
Thon pay her respect and you IL never repeat,
For some day her check she may draw,
And kindly assist you TO make mp the rent
BE kind 10 your mother in Jaw.
-bOSfpH Courier.
"lVE said often that l would take
means - prevent young men from COM
ing around ny house" said father the
other day, "and I've done it, Ny
daughter is too young to think of mar
riage What have you done?" asked
neighbor; bought dog?" mo. I've
bought my daughter piano"
''REaigArBER. sir, that you owe some
thing 10 your constituents" said one
memuer of town council to another.
''Eugl said the other, "if you owe
anything 20 your constituents, all I've
got b say IS You IL ucky. Why, there
are not e half-dozen voters in nv ward
that have nos borrowed money from
me
A ttEArLESIAN presents himself at po-
lice headquarters and asks to have q
general alarm sent out for his daugh-
ter, who is believed to have eloped
with the coachman. Describe her,if
you please" says the sergeant. well,
she is dark completed anda, wears ia
thingummy kind OF dress, cut. bias and
rs to her age. why, she,isstwo sor three
years younger than you'd take her to
be-"
COaldnt Face His Amanuensiss