The Penn's Grove record., 1885-08-22
FACETIE.

a SMALL boy WIN "a oaSo jail Dat over
his sbouIder, bis coat hanging on his
arm. perspiration pouring down his
face, vas asked by a gentleman near
the Polo grounds, recently, how the
game came out.
"Fo'ty-seven ter hfty-six," said the
boy.
The deuce you sayl' exclaimed the
gentleman, very much sstonished;
(which woh?'
"De Shantytowns. We beat the
Goatvillisns by nine runs.
"But / mean the polo game between
the st. Louis and Metropolitan clubs"
"Ohl replied the boy, with a look
of disgust upon his face. 81 dunno who
win dat game. Dem fellers can't play
ball.
COLONEL Nat Hammond was on the
train. not long ago, when a lank, inquir-
i~nR-look1ng stranger moved across the
aisle and took a seat by him. He
oazed at Colonel Hammond atten-
lively for q full minute, and then
said:
"Howdy do?"
81 am well, sir" replied Colonel
Hammond.
A pause for about two minutes; then:
''What might your name be?"
''My name is Hammond, SIR"
A stlll longer pause, and then: 81
hope there amt no harm done2"
'"There is not, sirl"
An embarrassing silence. during
which the stranger contemplated Colo
mel Hammond closely; then, "You see,
I've got an uncle lives up in Tennessee.
that | amt never seen, and / though /
might come upon him some time by iist
asking folks their namesr'
The king of Bavaria has ceased to be
the lovable man that ne once was. He
has developed INTO an enormous, cruel
and half crazy glutton. He shuns his
capital; he has no regard or affection
for his SUBJECTS; he turns night into
day, and he cares naught for family
ties, social etiquette, or kingly denean-
or. The crown heads of Europe, when
obliged to pass through Bavaria, shun
Munich for fear of exposure to his
rude vulgarity. The nobility keep
away from town; all the hotels are los
ing money, and without speedy remedy
Munich will o be ruined and de-
serted. Such are the awful results of
Magnetism.
A New YORK young man who i'm
AGNES be is a painter, recently took
one of his productions to an artist and
said:
"Now 1 want you to give me a ortiz
cism on this"
The real artist turned the picture over
and examined the back of it carefully,
and then said:
You have made n great mistake.
You should have bought cheaper can
vass.
SINCE all feminInity has taken into its
head to watch the baseball games from
the vantage ground Of the best seats in
the grand stand, it is interesting to lis
ten to the learned comments made upon
the progress of the game.
Wasn't that a splendid hit ? There,
now, why didn't he run ?"
why, my dear, that was a foul
ball"
well, I'd run anyhow"
But the umpire wouldn't let you.'
'0t course not. The umpire is all
the time yelling and running about and
interfering with the game. If it wasn't
for him BASEBALL would be real inter-
esting."
Yes, I've got a mighty good man,
Mrs, Callaper, but he's an awful tender
hearted body"
SIS he? Well, 1 wouldn't have
thought it,"
"Yes; bad news of any kind uses him
up"
ala, mel you don't say 2"
"He never could stand up under
trouble of no kind like me-"
''phat's very strange"
"Why bless you, ma'am, it just about
breaks his heart to tell him the sugar
box is empty, and it fairly gives him
a spasm whenever the -four gives out"
DRY gooGs merchant-''So, sir, you
think you could learn to become a sales
man?"
eyes. sir"
swell, ~supposing you were waiting
on that man and his wife over at the
lace counter. What would you do
first?"
81 should hold up the best piece OF
lace in the stock and ask the man If he
didn't think it becoming to his daugh-
ter's style of beauty"
"Well, what then q
ooh, nothing. The oma would
take care of the rest of it."
young nan. l don't want you for a
clerk. l want you for a partner"
Boston WEATHER. New York young