South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-10

on the s.dewalk TO take on the ice, said
to . friend, Nov that's benevolence.'
No. 1t ain't.' said the boy somewhat in
dignantly, it's salt
How far is it to Corka' asked q
weary footman. Seven miles, WAS the
reply. Whom would you like to see
,hereP' Faith. IT'S meself I'd ,oike to
sec there
who is that across the streei?' ooh,
that is q very close friend Of zine.
.Inaeed?' Yes, never lends q cent
johnny, what would you do if you
were TO see bad boy stealing some
fruitf' asked q Sunday-school teacher
of the best boy in the class. would you
not tell him be was doing wrongs'
Yes, indeed, would, and IL he didn't
make fair divide, I'd tell the store.
keeper
Hsw to make heavy bread light
Soak IL in kerosene and apply match.
One day, when the engines were fly.
ing down n Boston street in response
to an alarm Of fire. q man who was run.
ming was stopped by an eager citizen
in quest OF information, who asked
hurriedly Of him: whats a.fire?' To
which the other angrily replied: w hats
a-fire? Why, something in a state of
combustion, you fool! Look at your
dictionary
Too MUCH JERsEY.-'Does your wife
wear jersoy9' blandly asked the
snooth-toDgued dry goods clerk of
Farmer Furrow, who was making a few |
purchases for his better.balf.
NOV. look here, young fellow said
the old granger, with look of mingled
scorn and ferocty, don't yer be too
fresh. ! may be accuntryman, but I'll
be darned if II! take any CUFF from
YER
why, didn't mean anything tiisid-
ly retorted the clerk. Il merely asked
IL your vile wore o Jersey.
well, sir, if that's al! yer want to
know I'll tell yer. She milks Jerseys
and feeds 'em, and walters 'em, but. by
gosh she doesn't wear 'em, confo1nd
yer picter.'
Nancy Nance, Nancy Dance, Nancy
Hance, Nancy Vance an Nancy Nance
are mentioned as residents of one o:
the counties of Georgia. and u local
paper thinks NO other county can beat
The list for similarity Of names.
L dreamed last night that was
married. Is that . bad dream. said
cartain young lady Of Romney. The
only thing bad about il is that it is not
true replied her father.
Rowland Baldwin has just returned
10 San Antonio from hunting and
fishing trip to DEVILS River He was
telling his experiences. some of which
were very exciting. He told about
rattlesnakes twelve feet long, ard how
he was dragged through the water for
n distance of three miles by an enor.
nous catfish lie had hooked, he having
tied his line to his wrist.
Noticing an iacredulous look express
zion on the face Of John Randolph, the
ashsrman said:
Il suppose you think that am liarP'
No. indeed, 1 don't; / know it posi-
lively
so do /, for that matter, so you
needn't think that you are smarter than
everybody else. / knew it was lie
before you did responded Baldwin,
who never allows anybody to get ahead
Of him.
a STRONG GALE.--I have heard that
the wind blows very bard in these
parts said OH eastern man 30 a Dakota
citizen.
Tho citizen removed his hat and dis. !
played a head as bald as billiard ball. |
DO you see that, stranger!
Yes.
All caused by gcin' out O doors one
mornin' without any bat on, stranger
The Medical Era has discovered q re,
port that the University OF Pcrnsylva-
MIA is about to start n hospital for dogs
and other domestic animals. A 'Phila-
deIphia lady is supposed 30 be ready
TO endow a depart ment for cats liter.
airy and otherwise.
How do you sell teeth?' inquired
a man stepping into the Office of a
Chicago dentist