Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1885-01-09
FUN

FUN
The New Editor Begins.
HE TRIES TO WRITE UP AN ACCIDENT
THE RESULT.
By the order of court the Chicago Times
has been placed in the hands of a new edi-
tor. Eugene Field, of the Chicago Netos,
gives the first days experience of this
court-made editor as follows:
LAS we were coming from our break
fast to our Office about 9 O'Clock this
morning" You mean yesterday morn
ing" suggested Major bennett ooh,
no; it was this morning." said Major
Hurlbut. Eyes, but you should write of
it as yesterday explained Major Den
nett, ''for the article will not appear I'M
til tomorrow. "True enough said
Major Hurlbut. So he made the correc-
tion and resumed reading. LAS we were
coming from our breakfast to our Office
about 9 O'Clock yesterday morning horse
belonging to Mr.. John Hogan. our es
teemed fellow-townsman, with blaze on
his forehead and a white tail attached to
a furniture car in Which there was
a piano that had been rented by
well-known Prairie avenue belle
with carved legs, became frightened
and rushed madly down the street
where there were many people scat
tering alarm and de struction broad
cast. On the corner of State street and
Indiana child of Michael Boiver, Esq,
our esteemed fellow townsman three
years old and wearing pantalets was
playing in the crowie1 thoroughfare.
Young, beautiful and innocent, this un-
happy child was called by all who knew
him P atsy, although his name is Patrick,
was overtaken by the bitter pill of adver-
sity, for in the midst Of his childish play
the pale hand of death stalked in and
bade him go with him to that bourne from
which no traveller returns Maj. Hurl-
but glanced at Maj. Dennet, and saw he
was weeping softly to himself. 1t argues
volumes for Maj. Dennet's discretion, that
lie did not volunteer an explanation why
he wept. II fatter myself" observed
Maj. Hurlbut, "that no one could have
made more delicate allusion to my old
profession as druggist than have done by
mentioning the bitter pill of adversely
see? 1.-THE child did not see the ap-
preaching horse" resumed the receiver
journalist, "but we cried. Will no one
save him from the iron heel of the pale
hand of death p Alas 1T was too late,
for ere we could interpose the horse Was
upon the unfortunate babe, and before he
could evade the cruel fate which strobe
after him on swift but noiseless wings he.
fell to the earth and was picked up an uii-
conscious corpse, from which condition ii
has been impossible to revive him up to
the hour of going to press. We extend to
the family our deepest sympathy, and are
Informed upon reliable authority that 10
damage was doEe to the piano. Truly, in
the midst of life We are in death, and let
us all be more careful about letting our
children play in the street where danger
turks and they are so liable to die without
medical assistance"
ANOTHER GAME ALToGETHER.--
IS Well" remarked the justice. what is
this young man accused of ?''
II caught him playing poker, SIR" re-
piled the policeman.
Yes returned the court; "but have |
no objections to poker, you know. If that |
is all the charge against him l shall dis |
charge him. What have you to say fol
yourself, young man 20
ST was sitting down with some friends
of mine, Your Honor, playing friendly
game of cards."
"Yes.'
I'VE had Jackpot on the table. 1t was
opened, and l came in On pair of deuces |
The man who opened it stood pat and bet
$40, and called him.
SCALED him on deuces? Twenty-Five |
dollars fine. Call the next"
YES" gasped the prisoner; but ! |
thought you didn t object to poker.''
Il doa't; but t, call man On deuces |
ism t poker. Call the next case."-Puck.
The county clerk has re ceived the fol-
10 wing letter which explains itself:
DEC 21st 1884
Dear Sir Mr. Ellis Don't Let John Hues |
have any Lisenes that his wife say So His
wife Say he want Lisenes without his |
Devource She Say Don't Let him have any |
Establisc Establish in the Pappers that |
Jhon Hues must not have any Lisenso |
my where he has Five five children & now |
want to Leave her and marree a mother |
woman that he want marry alice Jones
who is very common woman
Yours teruely MARIE RUEs
I agains him Leaving N e-Amherst Ne,o |
Era.
Truth IS MIGHTY" Hubby, did you
nail my letter ?''
Eyes, my dear. Had to run like fury |
% catch the first mai'.'
why. here it is in your pocket now.o
"Hey? Um-a-yes, so it is-no, this
sn't your letter; this is-that is, this ism It
he one you wrote; this is the one you
we're going to write and forgot
"John Henryl''
mo. Mary, didn'S mail your letter.
"Well, I'm awfully glad. 1 W. Mt to add
postcript.''
ONE WAY TO REMEDY IT.-"My
went on the temperance lectu