The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-07-04
THE POLITICAL CRANK.
ISt. Panl Heraldl

There are many varieties of the politi. cal crank. Every phase of politics has its own particular species. Hence, the caricaturist finds here an ever-present theme in times of scarcity. We notice only a few of the general characteristics of the political crank. To speak of all would be impossible. The political crank as rule sees only good in the party he is for the nonce training with, and noth. ing but utter vileness in all opposing parties. He is very apt to change his party often. As no party will adopt his peculiar ideas, he is constantly trying his fortune in pastures new. He is always gazing on the political vane to see which way the wind is setting, so that his sails may be trimmed ready to tack. He is ready to espouse most absurd movements, and howl in their front ranks, and then as the years whirls round be found in the ranks of the enemy, the foremost derider of his whilom friends. He has no con- ception of loyalty to friend or party, but under the mask of ultra holiness, betrays his friends, stultifes his own record, and goes wherever selfish aggrandizement may lead him. He may be republican governor one year, and next oppose the party which has nursed him into promi- hence, tooth and toe nail, on a prohibi- tion ticket. He may be a democratic governor one term, and in the next shriek death and destruction to all democrats. He may be a wild and rabid anti-monop. olist in theory, and in practice fondle a bunting monopoly as the darling of his heart. He may be delegate in the front ranks at national convention, with not enough grit to protest against a unan- imous nomination, and then through the campaign tear heaven to tatters reviling the candidate of his own making. He may pose as an opponent of the spells system, and then make Washington howl to get his special cronies retained in of- 6ce, or his son or nephew appointed to a collectorship or foreign mission. He is nothing if not inconsistent. If he be a democrat he professes abounding love for purity in politics, and an overwhelm- ing desire to see that the peoples money is not squandered or stolen, and then feels like tearing his hair out with rage, because when he counts the money in the treasury he finds it all there. A de- hciencY of five or six millions would have been picnic of delight. He glories in besmirching his opponents, and white. washing his own associates. If he is a republican he opposes the most praise worthy nominations for the most fiimsy reasons. In his eyes no good can come out of Nazareth. He is always ready to ind the worst motive for the best act on the part of the president His ears are always open to scandal, and his eyes have a preternatural sharpness to see iniquity in the most innocent move. If he be a prohibitionist he reveis in inconsistency. If one party cannot go to the extreme he wishes, he Hops over to the party which has invariably opposed him. If he can not get total prohibition, he clamcrs for free rum. He will starve to death rather than stoop to take the half loaf. The man who will not follow him to the edge ot the chasm is coward and knave. A Pharisee of the Pharisees, there is none perfect, no, not one, except his own lordly self. As an anti-monopolist he masquer- ades under a name, while his every day associations and practice give the lie to his pretensions. As a woman -suffragist he is always to the front at both the camp-meetings and free-love conventions of the short-haired apostles of home des- olation, but invariably refuses to sign the petition of the young and modest lady, who, instead of filling her head with vague theories, may desire clerkship in the department. where she may honestly earn her living; on the ground that hay ing no vete, she has no political standing. And so through the entire gamut. The political crank, whatever his creed, has neither morals, conscience. nor heart. He is the quintessence of sel6shness and greed. No matter how gentle and meek the outer covering seems, the claws of the tiger are always hidden under the velvet touch. The walls may be whit ened, but the odor of the sepulchre is proof against all deedorizers. Like Reu- ben, he is unstable as water" and thank God, like Reuben, he cannot excel.