The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-01-18

VIZ AND PLBAsANYBY.
Marriage promotes longevity among men,
Notwithstanding its tendency to produce
premature bsldness.
"Jsne, please bring.to my room at once
some Toe and Q bandage." us the baby sick
again, mumT' "Yee, he came in at o'clock
this morning"
A Boston minister says that the most
dangerous weep young man can carry is
lstch-Eey. 1t is also the hardest to learn
to handle expertly.
What's the matter, pat2 Are you afraid
OF work. sAfraid of it2 Divil bit Oi
can Icy doom along side av it widout bein'
nervous at all"
II au speaking" said q Iong-winded ora
Tor, for the benefit OF posteri ty." YES,
eaid one Of his hearers. ''and il you keep on
much longer your audience will be here"
Il am surprised, john" said an old lady
when she found the butler helping himself
TO some Of the finest old port. ''So am /,
ma'am. l thought you had gone ont, was
the reply.
A would be Wit once said. speaking Of the
fair sex "Ah, it's woman's mission to make
fools of men," "And how vexed we are,"
said bright-eyed Harlem lady. ito find
that nature has so often forestalled Us"
A young lady on being asked at a musical
w
ciousiy replied: st is that space OF time al
lowed for refreshments between the acts of
an opera or tine two parts Of concert"
A society editor got himself in . very un-
pleasant predicament in his efforts to ex-
plain how plainly . lady Was dressed ct q
reception. by saying that she wore no
jswelry ard the balance of her toilet to
match.
81 didn't see you at the party" said one
benedict &c another. mo; was tending q
wake" was the answer of the other, as he
thought how he promenaded the bedroom
Cor four mortal hours with kid that re-
fused to be comforted.
At q certain well-known hat shop in the
Bowery. near CT and street. an Irishmsn sp-
preached the counter. saying he wished to
purchase hat. "Whst size, sir2' asked the
assistant. "Begcrrs OF don't know" said
the Hibernian, scratching his head, hut OF
take noines in bootsl"
my dear boy" said the grs;-haired old
man, placing his hand on the young attor-
ney's shoulder and looking him kindly in
the eye, don't get discouraged; there's al
ways room at the top" "Yes." replied the
, promising young lawyer, Il got on to that
fact the first time stopped ct hotsl.n
A man telegrsphed on Thanksgiving eve
to friends in New England town: .Can
not be down until Saturday; foreman
drunk" When he went down. he was as
his friends received him. 1t came ont that
the telegram when received read: "Can not
c. me down before Thursday forenoon
drunk"
10 at one of the watering places during the
season an impatient young man walked
T mp to the bathing house in which he thought
hs male companion was dressing, and,
kkhocking on the same, testify inquired
sWhen In blazes are you going to get those
pants onr' There was faint gurgle and a
oilvery voice replied when get married,
suppose
certain physician IN this city took q
day for recreation and rest. He wandered
off into the woods, and with his gun on his
shoulder Travelled the country for miles
around. and late in the evening returned
home tired and weary and complsi ming to
his wife that he had killed nothing. Had
You only remained at home, my dear. and
attended to business. am sure you would
have been more successful
Jones entered his office and est down al
his desk IN q very pronounced and emphss
ic manner. What IL the natter inquired
his partner. Something gone wrongg'
s-Wrongi" repeated the exaspers.ed man
siwalked the floor with acrying baby from
midnight until 8 O'CLOCK in the morning and
"a left the house the first person met was
Smith. who said with an idiotic smirk: All
old man, you look rather tough. Dat viii
the toys again last night? Some ner
make me eIcK-"
\ "Tbefe's no use talking. I'm going to gel
married" said bachelor to married &C
ouaintsnce the other day while busily
engaged in sewing. Here I have workef
Y Just twenty minutes BY the watch trying tC
Rst this needle threaded, and then, just as
succes ded, pulled the thread out. Finally
got Il threaded, and now, after sewing or
this button fast and strong, / find I've
got Il on the wrong side, and have my WORK
al 70 DO over again"
s1 am going to keep q diary; WON'T yor
&iudly tell me how 10 begin itr-Lily
Well, TO tell tbs honest nude truth, Lii. W.
don't know much about this matter but w
hsveIseen several young ladies' diaries ani
they all begin: 'Got mp ct O'Clock; played
the piano one hour; went into the kitchen
and watched mother cleaning the stove
vert down to Mable's. Mable is horrid; took
= nap alter dinner: am tired out; Claude
called In the evening; / am so happy, {
dearl'.
PRAY. my Lord" querle, gentleman oil
Judge, what is the difference between
common law and eeuity?" Very little in
The end" responded his Lordship; "at com
mon law you are done for at once: in equity
sou are not % easily disposed of. The
former Is bullet which Is instantan eously
and charmingly effective; the latter sn ang
Sore IL kills him. Common law is prussit
\ acid; equity Is lsudanum." - Chsmbsr's
Journal.
Did you ever zee . woman play whist?
No. Well she does il somewhat as follows
Oh dear don't believe can ever gel
these cards axranged-Now let me see. thai
one goes there and oh dear I've dropped
1nanks-Now let me see-Oh Is it my play
-AefcZ I'm SURE don't know which one e
pmv-1heEe played tbs wrong one, bat
49, m1nd-heve got to follow suit?-