, 1885-07-04
PETER PEPPERT0N'S 4TH o.
JULY TRIUMPH.

tPui to record By Dom Piattl
The Fourth o. July is a day set apart by the
citizons OF this blessed country IN which to
glorify themselves aud mutilate their of
springs. While tho parents exnlt their horn,
in more SENSES than ono, and declare, one
unto the other, with much vociferation.
that we are the bravest, smartest and
hiehest-tone1 people ON the face oftbc earth,
with the best government under tho sun,
their malo offspring Of end age, armed
with Chinese crackers, toy cannon and PTS
tolls, make the day hideous, and in their pa
triotic excitement burn out their dear eyes,
blow off their sweet noses, ind in many in
stances climb the golden stair IN a very hasty
and unseemly manner
Were these accidents confined TO the little
actors We might deplore their mutilations
and early deaths, but we would be comfortfd
with the thought that the tende patriots
had themselves to blame, # any blame at
taches TO the patriotic custom. But, unfor-
lunately, many consequences occur beyond
the range Of youthful exuberance. Fright
ned horses dash of to utter destruction
with patriarchs on wheels. Women, in holt
day attire, nave found themselves in flames
as VOL and no Ere escape available, while
cities nave been burned and millions Of
property destroyed, nil for the qualification,
in a barbarous way, Of young America.
Any attempt at a mitigation Of the null
sance Is met with opposition from the pa
rents themselves, who claim hat It is well
TO have patriotism developed in the child
rem. But why should it take such a wild
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Why not set the day apart as one devoted
to a general breaking Of window panesi
Let 1t be promulgated, as the law, that on
the great Fourth every kid in the land, to
illustrate his noisy patriotism, shall smash
with pebbles all the windows in sight. This
would he less dangerous and offensive than
the powder business, and quite as sensible.
l never could comprehend why, in this
patriotic demonstration, we hould pattern
after the Chimes and have IT go off in loud,
disagreeable noise and foul odors. Among
savage nations 1t is common to become a
nuisance while rejoicing, but civilized races
take their Joy and exhibit their rejoicing in
n civilized way. PROFESSIONS with banners
and sweet music. festivals, in which wives
and children take part, occupy the day,
while at night artistic display OF fireworks
plense the multitude. The child that ON such
occasions, should bang off a pistol or rack the
nerves with that barbarous combination OF
red paper and powder, called a Chinese
cracker, would be seized and thrashed on
sight. The little fend would find 1t I'M
pleasant for DAYS after to hing on its center,
so a to come to a sitting position.
Ew.tr E,urfh - JtIu rf,raa ~ n raaIf1tnr
appreciation Of Lambs humor, TO be found
in the question he propounded for a debat-
ing society, to wit; Was Herod as bad a
character as history representsfn l turn
then to Hoods letter from the bachelor
brother, who, in view Of the prophesied
earthquake was written to by his sister in
the country, who proposed putting her
children under his care at London, answer
ed; "Daar sister, send up the earthquake,
and keep the children
There is but one celebration OF the Fourth
] treasure In memory, and that because Of
the ludicrous incidents that survive the recol-
lection Of tho noise.
was a law student under my nlustrious
father, who bad retired from the profession
he adorned to a quiet farm life in the valley
Of the Mac-o-cheek. My brother student
was Tom Gallagher, and together we delved
In those boastly commentaries known to the
world as Blackstone. As all science is based
on terms and a supposed reason for them,
blackstone is invaluable to the dull fellows,
who accept his absurd definitions without
being ablo 10 detect their absurdity, ami
take sounl for sense.
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a science and treato1 rs such. The bar was
composed OF men who came to the practice
from honest toll, Sho split rails and plowcd
the ground for means on which to SECURE
croJgI education to act as schoolmasters
and who thon taught in tho winter so as to
Do able TO study for their profession in the
hummer. HGrd-handed, knotty-headed fel-
lows, thsy made our judges, member Of
congress and leaders cf the people, and were
generally az earnest and solemn as mules.
We had debating societies In those days,
and one night OF every week in the winter
the ~neighbors would gather in the country
rcheol-house. dimly III with tallow dips, and
hear great orators discuss such grave ques-
tons as TO which caused the most evil TO
humanity, wal or i-ntemperance; or whether
Caesar or St Paul was the greater man, or
any kindred question capable OF presenting
two sides. The subject chosen a week in ad-
vance, had the orators selected, and thu nd
vocates designated to think cloud on their
legs came around with authorities, and fair-
ly lifted tho roof with their eloquent utter
ancos. Tho Q were selected for either side
by tha president of the society, who bad to
decide at the end Of the debate which party
carried OF the triumph. l observed that
each orator succeeded in convincing himself,
whether he captured the audience or not
and 1t was no circumstance for
the eloquent sons Of thunder to appeal, at.
tar adjournment to their muscle. and treat
the valley TO sundry darksned eyes and
bloody no o..
For the position OF orator on tho Fourth |
am attempting to chronicle. we were all
candidates The committee Of citizons
- A. IL