Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1885-12-31
The Browsing Locomotive.


.'Wcll, If you had been where was
last ght. YOU would BIO just MS cross
as am, F" said man to his wife, who
had told him he needn't be 70 cross,
when he said the breakfast pancakes
were too thick, and too sopr, and too
tough.
20. l don't know" said the wife, as
she told the girl to put some more
baking powder in tho pancake batter,
and little water to thin it, ''You
were on sleeping car last night, and
you always sleep better there than you
do Mt home. !"
Yes. sleep well enough when tho
cars are moving. but we got into the
depot from st. Paul at 3 n. m, and
when the car stopped, | woke up. ]
wanted to sleep ill morning. as the
car stopped here. and SO / rolled over
10 go to sleep. IL was just as quiet as
death around the depot, until switch
engine began to monkey around,
switching cars. Did you ever try 10
sleep when an old COW with bell on
was browsing around in the street, or
in n garden? Then yol know how it
is. That switch en- ne would be heard
away up in the yard, half mile away,
ringing her bell like COW nibbling u
cabbage, then she would work up
nearer, and ! could hear her ..chew.
chew and snort as though she had
swallowed a turnip and got choked.
Then she would hitch onto q car or
two, and move away. would get
little nearer asleep, when she would
come back slowly, then stop and blow
her whistle, rs q COW would below,
and couldn't get it out of my mind
that it was COW. 1 found myself
dream ng about gong down into the
pasture barefooted, to drive up q drove
OF locomotives TO DO milkod. / had
them surrounded, and their cow
catchcrs all pointed towards The cow
yard on the old farm, and they would
stick the / heads out sideways to nibble
grass, and | would yell Mt them, and
one ugly old locomotive with one horn
would turn and run into Il brinile
locomotive, and she would run away
off into the woods, and | would have
-te-so aftor her. s:' ...;SSn Z had GOT, her
back into the road, all tho rest OF tuo
locomotives were acting up, one paw.
ing the ground and believing, another
running her horn into tho ground AM
throwing d TT over her back, while
others were rearing up and hooking,
and acting just like n lot OF cattle. Tho
only one that had sense was the old
"bell locomotive aud she started
right along towards the house as soon
as came out of tho woods. and the
rest reluctantly followed. 1t was hard
work 10 get the whole drove OF loco
motives through the gate of tho old
barn yard, in my sleep, because some
would block the way oil others, but
finally the hired man began to set out
pals OF slops and bran mash, and the
locomotive with the bell Oh ran its cow
catcher clear dow n into the bran mash
and then the hired girls came out with
milk pals and sloo,s, and told the
locomotives to .'hoist, and then they
sat down by the tender; and pretty
soon | heard tho milk from the loco
motives streaming into the tin pals
and the girls said, $50, boss" and
went to sleep. Say, pass them pan.
cakes"
"Well, / DECLARE said the mans
wife, as she passed him tho cakes and
pushed the maple syrup towards him.
"you must have been drinking. ii
does not seem to me that Il sane man
could imagine all that fool ishness, even
if he was half asleep. A locomotive is
about as much like COW rs you are
like an angel"
"What do you think" said the old
man, rs he empticd The syrlp over his
cakes. when | woke up this morn
ing and raised the curtain and looked
out OF the window, there was tGat loco
motive on a sidelrack right beside the
sleeper. and the engineer was right
down under it with an oil can. just
where | left the hired girls in my
dream; but there was no pail of Stops,
no farms. no barefooted boy, no moth.
ing but an old man in small box stall,
trying to put on his pants behind a
curtain, with woman in the berth
over him cilling the porter 10 bring a
lire escape so she could get down, and
sine had no shoes or stockings on. and
her corset was one of those old fash
ioned ones such as you used to wear
mother, at the tine that Lincoln was
elected, and her arms were hare clear
TO her shoulders, and she had dimples
in her elbows, and"
''Hush, you old fool. No wonde,
you couldn't Sleep" and tho fam ly
arose from the tab.o as one man.
--Ptck's san.