Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-04-10
.pIrA N POINT.

-
Always taking out of . meal-tub|
and never putting in soon brings you
70 the bottom.
-Menny a phool haz passed thru life
with fair sukcess by taking a back seat
and sticking to it.-JoM Billings.
Don't be fooled, my boy. You
can't bride a woman's tongue by
bridaling her. 1t will turn out just the
other way in nine cases out of ten
LowM Citizen.
People who wonder why mems hair
turns gray before their whiskers should
reflect that there is about twenty years
difference in their respective ages.
Edith, you want to know whether
funny men on newspapers ever laugh
at their own jokes" do you dear? Yes,
Edith, often-in fact, in a good many
cases, you will find that they are the
only ones who do laugh at them; but,
of course, this is conhdential.-Boston
Post.
Little Amy, chided for mischief,
protested that Susan (the servant) had
persuaded her. Said papa: Tell me-
exactly what Susan said" She saidI1
"You push that stand, miss, if you
dare" '.Them's my very words" in-
terjected Susan. And" pursued tho
little culprit, II dared, SO l pushed"
Thirteen is an unlucky number. It
is for this reason that when q shop
keeper halves a twenty-five cent piece
he Invariably gives you twelve cents,
The shopkeeper is unseltish, and as
somebody must run the risk of bad
luck, he freely takes it himself.-Bos-
ton transcript.
Lawyers Like Shears: I,
Two lawyers, when a knotty case was done.
Shook hands together and were i'll for fun.
how
You men who fought can be so friendly
"Ah!" said his counsel, Lawyers, though SO
-. keen,
Like shears, cut not themselves, but what's
between"
The doctor was visiting a lady who
wa in the habit of sendingforh him con-
stantly without being at all ill, and she
was entertaining him with q full and
particular account of her maladies, the
list Of which was as long as her glove.
On. B.-The glove of u lady is about
as long as her arm nowadays.) "Ah,,
MADAME says the doctor, with a look
of admiration, ''what robust health you
must enjoy in order to be able to with
stand all these complaints."-Water
bury american.
American heiress (who has just
married a title)-"What did that vul-
gar fellow mean by addressing you so
Familiarity, COUNT" Foreign Count
Cher new husband)-"Oh, nothing.
my dear. He just happened to know
me-" '.But he did not call you by your
title?" swell, no." ..Don't he know
you are a COUNT" mo; he only
knows mi by my stage name" ''Stage
name? How romantic! Why, you
darling, l did not know you had been
on the stage" 'Oh, yes; I've been
driving a Broadway stage for ten
years."-Phsladclphia Call.
-'Here's an item of some interest,
perhaps" remarked the new reporter,
as he handed over the following: .'Mr.
Elderboi is believed to be the oldest
person in town. His age is ninety
eight" "I'm ashamedl of you, Mr.
Slenderquill; I'm ashamed of you'll" ex-
claimed the editor. glazing over the top
of the item at the reporter. ''Whv
didn't you say that MI. Elderboi had
just cut his third set of teeth, that ho'
splits his w wood, gets in his own
hay, does all his own ploughing and
planting and harvesting; that he is be-
lieved to be the Oldest Mason. and has
voted for every President, from WASH
ington up to the present time, and that
he is 1O8 instead of ninety-eight? Why.
man alive! the Office boy could beat
you dishing up news!"-Boston Tran
ecriak.