The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1885-09-05
RoLLo AND HIS FATHER.
Reasons Why Fat Policemen are Usually
Selected by the Authorities.

ROLlO AND HIS FATHER.
Reasons why Fat Policemen are Usually
Selected by the Authorities.
Mr.. Holiday was confined to the
house by severe attack Of rheuma-
tism, as Mr.. Holiday chose to call it.
1t will be noticed that Mr.. Holiday
was not above the habit. common to
most Americans. of using long word
where short one would better servs
the purpose.
As has been said, Mr.. Holiday was
confined to the house by severe attack
Of gou-, beg pardon, of rheumatism
and Rollo, as was his custom, COM
forted his father and made him quite
forget his bodily pain by plying him
ontinually with conundrums.
Father" said Rollo. docs fat run
faster than lean?"
Yes, Rollo, in hot weather, much
faster; but why do you ask my son?"
replied Mr.. Holiday, winking at Jonas,
who was engaged In bandagfng the old
gentleman's foot.
Because. father" said Rollo, 81
hoetot tudt bItN utftt ludht u man q
police officer until he is very fat"
Mr.. Holiday was much pleased to
find that Rollo was so observing; though
Jonas remarked under his breath upon
which there was a suspicion of whisky
that nobody with eyes in his head could
help observing that.
The reason why fat men are selected
for policemen, Rollo." said Mr.. Holli-
day, sis that it takes fewer Of them TO
make platoon, and therefore the ex-
pense to the city is much less when a
certain superficial area of police officer
Is called for. Then, again, two officers,
or three at the most, are quite sufficient
to block up one of our great thorough
fares and prevent the passage of any OF
the dangerous classi'
And that, Rollo," interrupted Jonas.
this time above his breath. lis why the
dangerous class always takes to the
alleys; apoliceman can't crowd himself
into an alley, you know"
Mr.. Holiday suggested to Jonas that
he was engaged to dress the feet Of his
employer, and not to volunteer any
alley-byes.
Mr.. Holiday, il should be mentioned,
INDUCED in paronomas;a only when II
was considered necessary to making
himself understood by the mental
classes.
And, father said Rollo with ami
nation, 1.-THE reason why so many
thieves and murderers and other gentle.
men Of that kind escape is because they
slip through the fat fingers of the fat
policemen.
mo. Rollo," replied Mr.. Holiday,
you are wrong there. To say that the
thieves, murderers Ell al. slip through
the fat fingers Of the fat policemen
argues that the fat policemen get their
hands on the thieves. murderers et al.
aforesaid; which would be in the nature
Of reductio ad a6surdiuni, or, as we say
in the vulgate. proving things that amt
SO. No, Rollo, whoever told you tina.
the fat policeman ever gets his hands
on thief or a murderer land here
Mr.. Holiday looked bard at Jonas)
was, l suspect, codding you-that is
to say, trying to deceive you. ~
But, father" exclaimed Rollo, in
surprise, '.if the tat policeman never
gets his hands on the thief or murderer,
what is he good forP'
give it up!" was the irrelevant sug-
gestion Of Jonas. who was apparently
becoming drunken every moment.
''Of much good. Rollo, replied Mr..
Holiday, not deigning to notice Jonas
remark. in the first place it takes
twice as much cloth to uniform him as
it would an ordinary person; conse-
quently manufacturers and dealers in
cloth are directly benefited, and
through them the people generally are
made to prosper. 1t would be impos-
sible to say how soon it would re-
suit, but there can be no kind Of
doubt that were 1t not for the large de-
mand for cloth on account of the fat
policemen, the mills would be obliged
to shut down, sooner or later, and the
dealers, of course, would be obliged to
shut up. Thousands of working peo-
Pile would thus be thrown out of en-
ployment, and nobody can tell where
the evil would end. You see, Rollo,
when you look into this question of fat
policemen. you must discuss it in a
large way"
'sReally." said Rollo, somewhat
abashed, II have looked at the fat
policeman many times; but l never
suspected that there was so much in
him."
Full most all the time." exclaimed
the miserable Jonas, who was evidently
far gone.
Then there is another thing" re-
sumed Mr.. Holiday. HE is OF great
help in preventing crowds. Where he
is there is no room for a crowd. In
helping ladies across the street, too, he
is very useful. No horse would under
take to run over him. Horses never run
up hill unless they are forced to it"
Mr.. Holiday said there were some
other things for which the fat policeman
was good, but owing to the press Of
business and the distraction of the gou
that is, rheumatlsm-he had quite |
forgotten what they were Therefore |
10 directed that he be left alone for
awhile, and that Jonas be taken to the |
pump and treated as the exigencies Of |
his case seemed to call for.-Boston
Transcript.