The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1885-12-10
A LADY OF THE
BY r. J. BURDETTE.

Matte Clatteree did not impress you
AT nrst sight, as a progressive woman
She dressed in excellent taste, was rather
fond OF dancing and ice cream, wore shoes
with French heels, and Pm inclined to
think, changed her complexion in the ev
enlng. But she was a bright, indepen
dent sort OF girl, who had no idea OF
marrying a home or depending upon a
husband for support. She was a firm be-
never In woman's right to earn her owl,
living, and she believed that all profes
sions were open to her. At one time she
thought of preaching, but gave that up
because there was no pleasure in doing
all the talking with nobody to talk back
at you. She detested the practice of med
iclne because she hated housekeeping.
and she had just as lief put up pickles as
pills. She wouldn't lecture, because ey-
erybody lectured, and then she had never
been able to shoot anybody or jump off a
bridge or do anything else to get start
on the platform. So she read law. She
was close student and WIS admitted to
the bar after creditable examination.
She opened coy little office and waited
with commendable patience for fees and
clients. Ih's was easy work. All that
Miss Lawyer Clatteree had to do was to
SIT IN her office ten hours day and read
law books or engage in obstruse needle
work; nobody ever disturbed her. Sue
cess seemed to smile upon her from the
start. She had more elegant leisure than
the oldest lawyer in the bar.
But all thInpS como tn tha uyo,ooD ,,,bo
waits, and one day client came to Law
yer Clatteree He came because she was
a woman and would give her legal coun-
sci and eloquence cheap. She accepted a
very modest retainer, indeed, and made a
mental memorandum of the rest of her
fee that nearly turned her clients hair
white when he learned of it.
Lawyer Clatteree's first case, though
not OF national importance, was an inter
esting one. Her client, Webster Blue
grass, while driving across field belong
ing to Virginia Nonsuch, ran over dog
belonging to Jared Whiteman, who joined
farms with Miss Nonsuch Jared rushed
to avenge his dog, for the animal was
past rescue, and shelled Mr. Bluegrass,
entrenched on his load of hay, with stones
and clods and language, all about equally
hard, until the garrison made sortie.
load Of hay df'c and enaslitdd slid dewn 10y. from the
around the load thrice before he got close
enough to reach him with a pitchfork
handle, after which things went hard with
Mr.. Whteman, and for the next five min
utes he didn't know whether his next
friend was the doctor or coroner Be-
sides the principal, Miss Nonsuch was the
only witness to The tournament.
Lawyer Clatteree sat up of nights with
that case, but when it was finally called
for trial she was rosy and confident as a
June morning, and young Farmer Blue
grass was rather proud of his attorney,
and didn't seem to care much whether she
won or lost When Miss Virginia Non
such was called to the stand it was evil
dent that her sympathies were with the
man who owned the late dog and Joined
farms with her on the northwest. Miss
Clatteree had tried to prove, from various
weighty decisions of learned jurists, that
Whiteman's dog had no right in strange
field, but Miss Nonsuch testified that
Bluegrass had even less right there, hav-
ing been told more than once to keep out
and not use it as highway and short
cut. She testified that to the best of her
knowledge Bluegrass was the aggressor
in every way-in driving across her field,
in running over the dog, and in coming
down from the hay and assaulting White
man. She got along pretty we'll until
Miss Clatteree got chance to pulverlze
her on cross-examination. The court
room waited in breathless silence for
LAWYER Clatteree to lose or win her first
case.
"What is your name? ?'' asked Lawyer
Clatteree, with terrible composure.
"Virginia Nonsuch,' answered the
witness, defantly, as though she expected
Lawyer Clatteree would attempt to prove
that she was George w. Mackenzie.
"Married or single %
81 am unmarried" snapped the witness.
8 What is your age p
Objected to by opposing counsel, which
brought a spirited discussion, Lawyer
Clatteree claiming that she wanted to
show that the witness memory and pow
er of observation were affected by age.
Ruled out by the court amid much ex-
pressive pantomime by the witness.
"Who made that bonnet ?" asked Law
yer Clatteree.
Objected to and overruled, Lawyer
Clatteree asserting that she wanted to
show that the witness either made it her.
self or paid money for it, thus indicating
in either case failing mental power and
utter loss of taste aud discrimination. BY
this time the witness was furious.
WELL" SAID Mss Clatteree, fitting
back her chair, and by sudden effort
overmastering the impulse to put her feet
upon the table in the most approved law
y.r-like fashion, tell the jury what you
know about this fight How did White
man begin t?''
ale didn't begin it at all. Bluegrass
began it,"
aMr. Bluegrass, if you please, witness
You swear, then, positively, that you saw
Mr.. Bluegrass make an unprovoked as
sault upon this man Whiteman
eyes, si-Oh, mean yes. amt &C
custorned, your Honor.''-turning to th'
| Court" to see q woman perched uI
among lot of men, passin' herself of a
q lawyer-oh, my!' And the witnes
famed herself with furious vigor
Is aNeyer mind what you're accustome'
TO. Witness said Lawyer Clatteree, calm
". IS aud don't fan yourself too hard, You
curls won't stand it. Now when yo'
saw, or rather when You say you saw