News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-02-19
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS,
STRAY NOTES THAT WE FIND IN
THEM THIS WEEK.
rae Proper Time 10 CnII-SwenrinR on
iiIs Unmarried Daurhtcrs-t Clipper
he Was Hit Very Kurd, ETC., Etc.

| 1he following 6 story was related TO the
writer by Peter b, who was SUPER
ntendent of the Baptist Sunday-school
Raleigh, North Carolina, for many
| years:
One day peripatetic missionary beg
| gar was permitted to address the school.
He recounted the usual stories about
heather children, told of the missionary
efforts III foreign lands, and kept talking
It the restless little ones before him for
more than two hours. At last he said:
And now, my dear children, have
old you all about those poor dear chill
iren and their needs in that off hea-
hen land. And now what more can L
say2"
A bright-eyed little girl, who was
wearied almost to distraction, eagerly
and quickly said to him:
Please, mister, say Amen. "-Har-
l1er's 'DraUer."
TOO sANaUINE.
AS DIR. Blister was driving out in the
suburbs a lady ran out of house, and
halting the doctor, asked:
"Doctor, how is old Mrs. Peters COM
ing on2"
s.She's a sick woman, but think she
will pull through all right" replied the
doctor.
"You do Why, her son-in-law, Bill
Smith told me there was no chance
whatever of her recovery.
"Wen, you see he is a hopeful kind Of
fellow. He always looks on the bright
side OF things. ''--IepaS ,SIf1is9s.
THE PROPER TIME TO CALL.
Mistress of the housewife was at
the door, Bridget?
Bridget-The butcher, mum, afther
his money.
Mistress of the house--And did you
tell him that wasn't at home?
Bridget-Yis, mum.
Mistress of the house-What did he
say?
Br:dget-Shure, mum, an he axed no
whin We wud be at home, an Oi tould
him that ye were sat home" on Thurs
davs.-N. Y. Times.
hlo ONhAhhIED DAUGHTER.
''You have daughters, have you not,
sir 2 said minister to an old gentleman
with whom he had formed casual ae-
quaintance as a fellow-passenger.
The old gentleman essayed to answer,
but the question had strangely affected
him.
81 beg your pardon" said the minis
ter, gently, eff L have thoughtlessly
awakened in your mind recollections of
a painful nature. The world is full of
sorrow, sir, and perhaps my question
fecalls to your memory fair, beautiful
sirl, whose blossoming young life had
withered in its bloom. Am 1 not right
sir?"
"No, not exactly" replied the old gen.
teman, sadly. 81 have five unmarried
daughters, mister, an the. youngest of
the lot is twenty-eight years old. San
Francisco Lagleside.
SHE HIT HIM HARD.
It was late and she had been yawuing
for half an hour, but he did not take the
hint.
"I see," he said, "that Tennyson in
his drama speaks of men as Gods trees
md women as Gods flowers. It is nat
ural that he should compare women to
lowers, but cannot see why he should
compare men to trees"
81 can," she said.
"You camp
eyes; this is winter, amt it9
"It is''
veil enc saIu, ssnOtLIvI Java
as she glanced toward the clock, ''the
reason he compared men to trees is that
trees don't leave till spring"
He was on his way home a minute
ter.--Boston Budget.
CLIPPER.
"Did you advertise for man to do
clipping ?" asked rural-looking in
liyidual who had invad ed the editors
sanctum.
"H'm," said the Archimedes of the
printing office; "you don't look like
clipper. What have you been working
at -
The intruder toyed with the Office
shears and replled:
'Tve been shearing sheep"
The editor turned to his yellow paper
again and murmured:
''You can get chance down at the
brokers' offices, down in State street;
twelve dollars and half a clip. ."-Bos-
ton Bulletin
SWEARING OFF.
"John, thought you swore OF,
said Fourth street woman to her hus-
band the other evening.
"ThaSs right. did"
"Well, you took a drink of beer to-
night. I can smell it on your breath.
"That doesn't count, he replied.
Next day she shone forth resplendent
in bonnet.
"Mary," expostulated the husband.
ST thought you swore off buying bon
nets without my permission"
eyes, know" she replied archly,
"but this one doesn't count "-B"eak-
fast Table