Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-03-21
BRIGHT BITS.

The New Orleans Exposition may be rather
weak financially. but it has clearly demon =
strated Its ability 10 stand a-loan.-B0rrts-
tO1on Herald.
"THE man who swears is not good talker."
So says the Merchant TrdUeEler. Very true,
hut it is too often the good talker who makes
the man swear.-BOSt0H Transcript.
A DOCTOR in Warren, n. H., makes his
rounds on snow shoes. One day he got caught
IN a hedge and five OF his patients recovered
before lie was discovered and eXtricated.-
BURLINGTON Free Press.
MARY ANN and the Venus of Milo.-Mlstress
Ito new housemaid): swell, Mary, what ia
it," Mary: ''Oh, this sculpcher, mum! l
hope you know it's broke. mum. l didn't do
it. 1t must have teen the cat or somethlnkn'
Fun.
IT is all very well to sneer at the great num-
her of pantaloons scheduled among tie as
sets OF Mr.. Arthur, ETC.; but one thing IS GER
tain--no one ever saw any breaches OF ETH
quette at the White House during his admin
istration.- Graphic.
A POUGHKEEPsIE family has jewel oraker-
want girl. The family engaged her the other
day while the master of the house was alb
sent. When he returned the family were
away, and the new girl refused to let him in.
He was only admitted after neighbor
vouched for him. hudson Republican.
Il AN SORRY. darling, that you are dis
plcased with me, but then you know that I
"Well then. | certainly cannot marry you,
George" "Why nOt?" "Well, you know per-
fectly well that my parents would never con-
sent to my marrying any one but MethO-
dist" and then she cried.-B0StOit Post.
GRooRR-strainers- strainers? Why,
no. Mrs. Gabb, we don't keen them; but our
coffee don't need straining if you know how
to make it,"
Customer testlly)-"O, don't YOU worry
Yourself about my cOOkin'. | know how to
make coffee a big sight better than you do.
nv coffee is as clear as cider"
''Then what do you want a strainer fOrt'
''For your sugar" PhjLddelphia can.
"YEs," said the honest farmer, 81 know
there are people what always puts the big
apples at the top of the bar'l, but don't"
That's right exclaimed the deacon ad-
mirngly. II have always tried to convince
folks that that sort o. thing don't pay in the
long run" ''If they'd go to the city once in
a While they'd learn something. / always
puts nv big apples at the bottom OF the
bar'l." That's the way" Yes; you see
people has got so suspicious that they most
always open the bari at the bottom noW-a-
."-PhtLGdeIphiG CAL.
The LAST SHOT OF THE SEASON.
Oh, the plumber,
The rich old plumber!
Won't he go il strong next summer?
He can sport store clothes
And shining collars,
Lay off at spas
Aud spend his $$SS
Happy!
Happy!
Happy old plumber!
To whom cold winter
Brings a warm summer.
Whitehall Times.
NELSON GODFREY HUMPHREY, of Leroy,
H., W hose book of poems, Random Shots"
has recently been published, appears to be
gradually usurping the place so long held by
the Sweet Singer of Michigan, Here are two
very characteristic "shOts":
The modest mules did watch us pass
Their masters shield in toIling;
Near Cornth sheep were moving grass,
The hogs vale subsoiling.
Two days had passed; on Mobile Bay
The oyster shells were breaking;
The ocean steamer on It's way
For foreign countries making.
-Nel0 York Tribune.