Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-06-19
Our kALIGIDOSCOPIt
A court plaster-a kiss.


wish it had been so.
Every year the force and size of West
ern hailstones increase. If things keep
on this way, the revolver will lose its use
fulness in the free and easy West
A Connecticut lady has made 224S differ
ent words out of the word 'incomprehen-
sible." She might have made 2249 if she
had only thought to add woman"
A chief of Washington bureau says
"You do not care to boss u woman around
as you would a man" The great sachem
appears to have had some valuable expert
ence.
81 don't care" said Bobson, who has u
house full of small children, eff our fam
lily hasn't any distinguishing character
istics. | am sure of one thing that runs
in the family, anyway"
"What is that ?" asked Popinjay.
"Their noses"
"Dress is purely matter of conven-
tion," says u writer He couldn't have
meant a woman's rights convention.
A Rhode Island farmer was recently
knocked senseless by couple of of foot
pads, and robbed of his wallet and his
false teeth. This is the worst instance of
a mans being cheated out of his eye-teeth
we ever heard of.
1t is said that mosquitoes, flies and other
pests will not enter room in which the
castor-oil plant is growing. 1t seems that
the small boy is not alone in his horror of
castor-oil.
Mr.. ID. II. Thing, a prominent Maine
politician, a Democrat, has obtained the
postmastership at Mount Vernon in that
State. He went to Washington under the
impression that the administration knew
u thing or two, and was not mistaken.
Nine Nilsson says she never gets tired
of hearing herself sing. Women are all
alike; those who can't sing are equally
fond of hearing themselves talk.
1t is said that Henry Ward Beecher has
changed his religion five times since he
began to preach, To be consistent, he
will have to change his politics about four
times more.
A Burlington man asked a doctor what,
, in his opinion, caused the most sickness
the year around. The doctor replied, with
, out hesitation, THE prohibitory law"
All legislatures have two branches, but
as a general thing they bear nothing but
leaves.
A tramp arrested in Ohio the other day
: had twenty-five corkscrews in his pockets.
He wanted to be prepared, should fortune
ever send him the bottle
When man is just about to sneeze you
, couldn't buy him off with a consulate
Boston Post.
: The Burlington FREE PRESS refers to
!, General "Rosecrans." We suppose the
apostrophe is put in to denote that he is at
last in the possessive case.-LoUcll Cour-
ter.
Teacher-"Can you tell me which is the
olfactory organ ?" Pupil frankly answers,
mo, sir" Teacher-"COrrect." Pupil
goes off in brown study.-BOStOn Trans
5 cript
The Boston Post is glad to hear that the
; Prince of Wales sat down and talked with
Minister Phelps like an old friend. Oh,
you get out. Phelps doesn't recommend
: any Boston daily, and you can't make any
body believe it.-DetrOtt Free Press.
! Says the Chicago Nelrs James Nc
. Daniel, a stage robber sentenced to nine
ty-nine years Imprisonment, broke Jail at
! San Antonio, Texas, the other day, and
+ has not yet been recaptured. If he will
), come back his sentence will be committed
: to life imprisonment and no questions
a asked"
t You amt gwine to give ten cents for
4 that seegyar, are you ?" believe |
: will, Sally" he said. Just to burn up"
| said she. That's what hits made for,
e Sally" said he. "Well | do know" said
/ she, "I'd look at dime "A long time before
). I'd give it for that thing and then burn it
e right straight up. If was gwine to be a
a fool I'd be fool some other way.'-Wd-
!, terbury American.
$ They keep finding indictments against
Ferd. Ward, but after man has been
> drowned fifteen twenty times IT.
Y use to pour more water over him.-DetrOtt
u Free Press.
a I, The friends of Yale are beginning to be
u anxious over an apparent decline in the
4 high standard of scholarship which has
- been maintained in the ball field for st
many years.-HdrttOrd COurdnt.
&c Big Bear is not what you would call I
o.: model of gentlemanly beauty but the tel
Is prisoners who have escaped from hi
~ claws freely admit that he is very capt.
# naturalization Transcript.
e A Vermont paper speaking of the fash
n ion of making gold badges TO represen
e kitchen utensils, asks how gold grldlrol
would strike us. Very much like an iroI
81 one, perhaps, if we didn't dodge it.-Bilg
$, hamton Republican.
n An Arizona man has stopped taking Al
e agricultural paper. He wrote to the edi
10 tor asking how to get rid of gnats. The
II answer came in the next issue of tn,
he paper "kill them. ~. Y. Tribune.
;; ayes. it may be angel cake, said Jones
Il who had been persuaded by his best CIR
g. to test her culinary abilities, but for thu
y last two nights since tasted iC I've seeI
!, more little devils, hobgoblings, snakes
~ wild cats, and spooks than would Grove
Is seven-story pandemonium. st. Pau
~ Hcrdld
q. Johnny, it would be good thing TO
! YOU to remember in life that we never ge
a, anything in this world if we don't ash
y for it,"
II Yes, we do, pa ~ answered Johnnie
.. promptly, Il got IA licking in school TODAY
20 and you can bet didn't ask for it f0nk
10 ers Statesman.
a 1t is thought that the recent cold weathe
IT was caused by the heavy fall of Hale NJ
n in New Hampshire.-Boston Transcript
n An offensive partisan" is fellow VIII
as insists upon staying in an office that som
1t other fellow wants.-Netp orleans Plea