The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1885-04-03
Tthe Rocietv Ca1i.

A 400 OVCloCy V8lls
Ine society call, - at present prac.
tloedI y nuisance Of great and vast
proportions. It IL one of those heri.
tsges OF the past which; like the but
tDns ON the back Of . mans coat.
though neither useful nor ornamental:
ar6 retained because ho one II Willing
% set the fashion of getting along
without them: It is like an Offensive
pond on rich mans land, from time
immemorial an eye-sore to all the
neighbors, yet not abolished because a
united movement among those inter
ested is impossible, and unless ali are
united efforts ut its abatement are use.
lees. '-%S
But among all tho absurdities Of 80.
ciel habits and customs, there is GER
salniy none more absurd than fashion
ABLE calling. 1t may DO set down as a
fundamental principle of the subject,
that, so tar as your entertainers are
c3ncerned; they do not care button
whether they see you or not, and as TO
yourself, 1t Is equally teitafn that no
call pleases you better than that made
at house where the inmates are not
a. nome: This being clearly under
stood, and the further fact remenriii.
bered that during the progress Of a
social call the entertainers and enter
tainees are heartily wishing each other
dead or at home, the b, alties of the
system come more prominently into
view than ever before.
But suppose you are o gentleman.
and preparing to 60 calling. You in
yoke the assistance of your tailor, for
It Is we'll knowp that one of the lead
Ing purposes III social visiting Is to
furnish an opportunity for the display
OF new rafment; and having inserted
yourself into your garments with duo
care, introduced your feet into tooth
PICK shoes three sizes too small, and
astonished your Uranium by crowding
1t into hat never intended for it, YOU
sally forth to do your social duties.
"Arc the ladies ut homer" Eyes. sir:
the ladies are at home." And YOU
are shown into the parlor to await
their coming, which may be in half a
minute or in half an hour, accord ng
to the habits of the ladies aforesaid.
who may be in state of chronic nep-
lige. and therefore require time to pre-
pare for a becoming entrance.
You amuse yourself by looking
around the parlor at the various oh
jects there displayed for the edification
OF such sufferers as yourself, take a
look in the mirr0f to make sure that
tho tttft of hair at the back of YOUR
head is lying down and not erect as
usual, give your cravat an extra touch,
and when you hcar rustling in tho
hall compose yourself in chair in a
position suggesting perfect ease, but
from which You can rise at q moments
notice to greet your entering hostess.
She enters, and asks you how vol, do.
and you toll her you do very we'll,
thank you, for it would be out of or
der to tell her that your head aches
from the tight hat, and your back feels
like 1t would break from tho tight coat,
and your corns are red-hot from tho
tight shoes. Then she tells you it is a
fine day. and you tell her: "Yaas, it is
remarkably fine day for calling, /"
and the serious work of entertaining
begins.
The feast Of reason that follows will
be notable chiefly from the desperate
attempts to keep up conversation
without saying anything. Words must
be used; and that in abundance; but
the fewer the accompanying ideas the
more successful the entertaining,
since it is understood that the parties
to the conversation are not at ali in
terested in the subject-matter, and so
lt 10 OF no consequence whether any.
thing is said or not so long as u con-
tinual noise is kept up which bears
some distant resemblance to intelli-
gent discourse. You will therefore
not be surprised to learn that the
weather has been bad for some time.
nor that she hopes it will now continue
good until it turns bad again. Inn
portant matters like these are not to be
neglected in social calling. for they are
the life of the call, and the caller,
more than any other member of soci.
ETY., earns his reputation by the sweat
of his jaw.
Occasionally some glimpse of reason
will appear in the conversation of your
hostess, and when they do they will
always be characteristic of the woman.
II you heed these you will be able, at
subsequent calls, to give her the inn
preston that you are a yery intelli.
gent man, by leading the conversation
into such channels as she is interested
in. and inducing her to suppose that
she herself is a woman of extra smart.
ness when she succeeds SO we'll in en-
tertaining you. Every woman has her
hobby, and it is by ascertaining it and
bringing her to talk about it that YOU
will succeed in getting the brain-wear-
ing task of Cabling for fifteen min
utes without giving utterance to an
idea, transferred from your shoulders
to hers.
1t may be dress, and if SO, you shall
and frills and futing and other "trip
peries innumerable, for quarter of an
hour at q time, without an interval
even for breath. 1t may be her chill
dren, in which case all the smartncss
they have done for the last six months
will be treasured up and repeated,
with thousand additions from the
imagination of the fond parent, and
you will be lucky if all tho family,
down to the baby, be not paradcd for
your especial behoof. 1t may be house.
hold affairs, and in that case you may
be sure that the utter worthlessness Of
all manner and condition of servants
will be the burden of the song. 1t may
be church affairs, when you will learn
all the good and bad points of the
preacher except those he made in his
last sermon, to which there will invar-
ably be complete obliviousness. 1t
may be missionary enterprise, upon
which you will be enlightened as to
the respective moral blindness of the
inhabitants of Timbuctoo as compared
with the people Of the Congo Valley.