Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-01-23
Sunbeanns.


A little girl calls her good father "par
excellence"
The man without q future-a busted
stock broker.
Somnambulism is believed to be an
unconscious trance action.
1t is the feeblest mustache, as well as
the sickliest child, that gets the most
fondling.
People learn wisdom by experience. A
man never wakes up his second baby to
see it laugh.
A Zulu belle is like the proverbial
prophet. She has not much on'er in her
own country.
In the social circles of the chicken yard
the lines are very distinctly drawn, for
each hen has her own set
Mary Anderson says she is not afraid
OF Bismarck. She must, then, feel con-
fident that she doesn't contain trichin@.
The trout season is at its zenith, and
you can now catch a five pound trout with
a 200 pound liar almost any day in the
week.
A Baltimore swell went to fancy dress
ball as donkey, and his friends say it is
the first time he ever failed to make an
ass of himself.
What is wanted in this country, said
the bride as she examined the wedding
presents, lis silver service reform. That
set is plated"
81 dreamed last night that was mar
ried. Is that bad dream e. Cross father:
1.-The only thing bad about it is that it is
not true"
All, how significant the Kentucky coat
ot-arms-two colonies holding on to each
other for fear of falling and saving,
United, we stand divided, we fall!"J.
The reason why Richard Ill. when
waking from q troubled dream, called for
another horse, was because he disliked
the nightmare which he had SO recently
ridden.
A muff is defined as ga thing which
holds'a girls hand and don't squeeze Il"
Correct and any fellow is "a mufP' who
will hold girls hand without squeezing
don't see the bell, " said a handsome
woman at the front door of house to an
lrlshman shoveling coal. "Faith, mann.
an We wud though av ye were to luck in
the glass;"
II has knowed men ter tell n dozen
lies jes' ter tell one truth" saws Opie
Reade. "Dis showed dat da wuz mighty
fon' O. truth but dat it wuz q mighty
sca'se artikle wild EN-"
A West End bank in London, with n
humor that half atones for the tyranny of
the act has issued an order that gentle.
men must not wear boards or mustaches
during office hours"
"Advoirdupois sociables" are the FASH
ion in Pottawottomie county, Iowa.
Each young man has his girl weighed
and pays for her supper at the rate OF half
cent pound on the figures.
"Do you know" asked a gentleman at
the bird show, "why robins are more
Intelligent than hens ?" "No," was the
reply. Because they are better posted
in the higher branches"
A small boy testified in Justices court
that the atfray took place on Sunday,
How do you know twas on Sunday :"
Because that day had to 90 to the
side door of the saloon to get beer for
dinner"
why do ladies make such good arch.
ers said the oonundrum man, lighting
q cigarette on the sole of his shoe
Don't know and don't want to-" said
the editor. "Why, because of their
cupidity !"
".What did the lady sing for you ?" in
CURED Jones of Brown. "tOh. Fair
Dove, Oh, Fond Dove. "What did she
sing that old thing fora" Because, "said
Brown, "she was Fond Dove it, / pre-
sumo"
A question for puzzle solvers: "In
waltzlng with young lady not over
seventeen years, pretty and one the never
get-dlzzy sort, does the young man 90
around the lady, or does the young lady
go around the young MANI"
What kind of sauce will you have with
your steak ?" asked the waiter of diner
in q restaurant where the condiments
We're served with the orders. eff the
steak is as tough as yesterdays q couple
OF circular saws will be best"
Papa what is the tariff p asked q
little boy. Gazing COM
at the youthful knowledge
seeker and sadly shaking his head, the
father replied: my son, cannot tell
lie. l do not know" And he told the
truth.
Pat, you shot both barrels into a reg
nlar jam of ducks, but 1 don't believe you
killed many" said the hunters compan-
ion. "Oi didn't did Or" exclaimed
Pat. Jus look in the wather there,
will yez? It's fairly alive wild dead vans ~
"Do you believe that woman nova
lays would die for the object other lover"
asked bachelor friend 81 don't know
she'd die or not" answered the
Benedick, "but I've known her to 90
Wild when the trimming didn't suit her"
$50 that's glazier is it2" exclaimed
Mrs. Malaprop, as glass "puddin" fell
ow passed by you don't say Well,
I'VE often heard of their tumblin' down
Sides and wondered it didn't
give 'em lots of panes, an sure enough
t has"
doctor, said the grateful patient.
eizing the physicians hand, IT shall
lever forget that to you owe my life"
You exaggerate," said the doctor, mild
y; "you only owe me for fifteen visits;
hat is the point which hope you will
lot fail to remember"
"I don't see why you are SO particular
bout your hair" said a churlish hus-
and II don't suppose Eve ever wore
'angs." &c don't suppose she did," re-
lied the wife, with quiet smile, "but
L. 10
Ter husband to admire her. ="