The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-05-01
VARIETIES.

"A Mormon editor, in recent issue of
paper, says: 1.-THE unknown woman who was
killed by the cars at this place about three
months ago proves TO be one of the wives of
| the editor of this paper" A new count ap-
pears to have revealed the fact
"A gentleman was giving little baby boy
some peanuts the other day. The good
mother said "Now, what are you going to
say to the gentleman ?" With childish SIM
plicity, the little fellow looked up in the gen.
tleman's face and replied, More"
A dog in Wanaqua, N. j., who for some
| time had been noticed to take bis breakfast
in his mouth and run off with it uneaten, was
| followed, when it was discovered that he took
his meal to decrepit and emaciated old dog
in a covert in the field, who eagerly devoured
the food thus provided for him.
One morning Freddie arose, looking
very much out of sorts, and soon showed
that he was in very i'll humor
What is the matter with my Freddy this
morning.? said mamma. care you sick"
mo, maam," he said with sigh; "but l
got up wrong side out"
The mistress of house in the city said
to young servant girl fresh from the coun-
| cher, has pigs feet" The servant departed,
and returned few moments later. "Please,
ma'am, don't know / couldn't see." "But
what did you say?' "l didn't say ANYTHING.
l looked at Mr.. Scott, he had boots on"
Johnny, put that umbrella away before
you YOU break a it." "Oh, shut upp replied
Johnny. What's that you say?" "Noth-
ing papa; only told the umbrella TO shut
up so could put it away as you told me to
do" The explanation came not q minutcto
soon for the old man had risen from his
chair.
-"Where did you get this French Bible ?"
asked Smith, taking up book from Blacks
table. Black-"French Bible The only
Bible have is the one you have in your
hand. Had it ever since l was married."
Smith (holding up the book)-"What do YOU
cal! that but French?" Black-"By gracious
fore?"
"A physician was driving along the street
when his horse took fright and ran away. He
knocked senseless. Presently he recovered
little from his unconsciousness and, noticing
the crowd which had gathered about him, re.
marked: Whats the matter, gentlemen?
Anybody hurt? Pm Doctor B.. Can I
be of any service?"
"A prominent lawyer now practicing in
key was under Indictment for some trivial
offence and without counsel The judge ap-
pointed me to defend him. was young and
very fresh at the time, and it was my first
case in court AS went forward to consult
with my client he turned to the Judge and
said: "1o' Honah, am dis de lawyer what
am appointed to offend me?" eyes" was
the reply. "Well," said the old darkey, take
him away, Jedge; pleads guilty."
"A tramp applied to an Elizabeth, IN. j.
woman for food one day last week and she
scolded him saying: why don't you come
at decent time-right after dinner or break
iast-not in the middle of the morning p"
de said: IL hain't got no watch" in such
plteous manner, that she relented and went
to the kitchen to get him something. Mean
time her reproof sunk deep into his heart,
and, to guard against making such mistake
In the future, he walked into the parlor and
carried off the handsome mantel clock.
,-"Say, Moses" said a customer to retail
clotn1ier, what is this story l heard about
"yot sthory ish dot sthoryp"
'Why, friend of mine said you made mis-
take the other day and sold him a ten dollar
coat for five dollars"
"How ish dot ?"
II don't know. He said he saw the figures
him."
We'll, veil, vot a schmart poy dot Chonnie
ish. 4oost like his fodder. | tole dot nov
he coot hat all vot lie make Offer two dollar
apiece ON chob lot off last chear's goats,
unit dot ish der way he peats his old fodder
unit fixes der trade. He marks dose goatsup
unit den yoost like innochent leedie sheep,
he don't see der price, und der gushtomer
drinks vot schmart weller he ish to beat a
poor leedle poy in der sthore. Dot Chonnie
Will COON oud on der high side off der pile
unit be CREDIT to his fodder"