McCook weekly tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 188?-1886, 1885-04-02
Van Slyck.

families, that helped swindle the In.
1ians out of Manhattan Island. Van
Slyck is very clever fellow in his
way. He is certain, in his own mind,
that the New Workers are the smartest
people in existence, and also that he is
ihe smartest among all the New York
srs. He IDEAS not think, but knows
positively that it would be impossible
or Omnipotence itself to make New
York any more perfect than it is al
'eady. He suspects that you are ig.
lorant of all this, hence he reminds
you often, whenever he has a chance.
Van Slyck has not got O. very exalted
opinion of Texas or Texans, but he
vas kind enough to inform me that he
obtained that unfavorable opinion be-
ore he ever became acquainted with
ne. l believe he was introduced to
iiobs, the genial freight agent of the
Sunset route, some years ago when he
vas on visit to New York. | think
have partially succeeded in remov-
nc the prejudice in Van Slyck's
mind, but he has great deal to learn
ret.
As we walked down Lexington ave-
lue, Van Slyck, who was full of life
md hope, he having had several hot
whisky punches, discoursed about the
advantages New York had over the
est of the planets, and he was par
icularly severe on the Lone Star
Itate.
Nothing in the world could induce
ne to live in Texas. / would never
eel safe for moment. would always
De under the apprehension that some
hing dreadful was going to befall me.
I'd be afraid of the cow boys" said
Van Slyck.
81 don't think you would be in any
hanger from the cow boys, but you
night run a risk of the cows trying to
sat you up on account of your green
less.
There is no security for human life
Texas. There is no telling what
night happen to me- said he, paying
10 attention to my insinuation that he
vas a greenhorn.
Human life is very secure in New
York." replied. "You never hear of
iuy murders or robberies. Nobody
ever gets run over, or dropped off the
Elevated road"
IF was in Texas 1 would be afraid
% walk on the streets on account of
jhe desperadoes.
''They are not so dangerous.
"And then the people in Texas can
not possibly have the culture and pol
sh peculiar to New York.
Its just as you say. The people of
New York like polish. That's the rea-
son they go to Madison Garden to see
Sullivan and some other ruffian polish
each other off,
'.Here in New York. =" continued Van
Slyck, paying no attention to my
home thrust, "every precaution is
taken to protect life and property.
You are just as safe on the streets as
you are in your own house. You may
walk the streets for a hundred wears
and never"
looked around to see what had
checked Van Slyck's flow of eloquence.
Really his flow of eioquence was not
at all, but it had merely
1rifted into another channel.
"Ill sue this internal city for
$50, 1000. o, but I'll make the bloom
ing corporation sweat for this
Van Slyck had suddenly changed
lis position. He was down on the
side walk. One leg was doubled up
lnder him, as if it was made of India
.ubber while the other was out of |
sight down in a coal hole. Judging
~ the expression of his face he was
not enjoying himself very much. He |
lad needlessiy trodden upon the cover
If coal hole, and it, like the worm
which was trodden on, turned, and |
Town he went, barking his shin very |
severely, and splitting his coat all the
way down his back. The suddenness
If the incident was surprising. was
lot as much surprised as l was when,
IN one occasion, l saw the editor of
he Houstin Age pay for beer that he
lad ordered. That did make me
latch my breath.
l helped Van out of his difficulty. |
lis leg was not broken. which was
unusual in II coal hole &C
'ident. As general thing the man
Who falls into coal hole breaks both
egs and Injuries his spine. 1 picked
Up Van Slyck's hat, and having busted
t, put it back on his head. His nose
lied from the shock, and he was lame
ii over with the exception of his
ongue, with which he made the air
'lue with profanity.
There are no coal holes in Texas"
remarked, busting him off, but he
vas too busy rubbing himself, in sew
raj different places, and talking down
through the hole to the wooden head
d idiot, who had left it open. The
after talked back. From what he
aid I infer that Van Slyck's ancestors
we're not as respectable as he pretends
hey were. The man down in the coal
ole threatened to come up and break
very bone in Van Slyck's body, and
vas afraid he would come out, and
i've Van Slyck another Irish punch.
IS it was he threw diatribes and
hunks of coal at Van Slyck through
he coal hole.
The people in the house came to the
window to see the fun. They laughed
earthly. They were somewhat disap-
ointed that Van Slyck had not broken
is neck. Van shook his fist at them,
ut 1 comforted him by saying:
sIt is imDossible for the people of