The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-07-31
A NERVOUS GROOM.


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How the Practical Gall Of > Chicago jus
tice Discencerted Him.
Two friends CHANGED TO meet on Grand
Avenue the other day and each seemed
to be glad to see the other. One was
evidently . travelling man and the other.
if one were to Judge by the nervous
twitching OF his eyelids. and the way
he constantly gazcd about him, had the
appearance of person who had rob-
bed bank, or murdered some one,
and was momentarily expecting to DO
nabbed.
81 say, Ned" said the commercial
looking gent, .'What have you been up
to, that makes you size up every one SO
suspiciouslyp"
"Oh, nothing much, said the other,
''but can you keep q secret, JackP"
"Well, if there is one thing that I can
keep better than another, it's secret, I"
replied the one addressed as Jack.
"All right, if that's the case, l don't
mind telling you. The fact is, / am
married."
"Oh! come of! You don't mean to
say that you have gone and done it, do
you, Ned?"
That's just about the size of it, Jack
You know the young lady that have
been ice-creaming and waiting upon for
the last six monthsp Well, night before
last, / went around as usual at eight
o'clock to make her q call, and the old
man lit on me with both feet This sort
Nf hrvf Ia a
sneak out Of the back door and we held
a council of war. 1t didn't take us more
than fifteen short minutes to make up
our mind to elope, and 10 before another
sun had come and gone we were in Chi
cago before Justice of the Peace, and
Nellie and were sOldered together as
tight as three dollars could make US. ;"
IFS that alp Why, Ned, you are as
nervous as hen with its head cut off.
If it has that effect upon people to get
married, don't want any of it in mine. ="
"Oh, it amt the marrying part of it
that makes me nervous; in fact, I rather
enjoy it, but its the Internal gall Of that
justice that has unstrung my nerves.
You know that when young fellow
embarks on a matrimonial voyage, no
matter what the circumstances may be,
if he loves the girl his only thought is of
her and his future happiness. Every
thing looks as smooth and fiowery to
him as good, healthy imagination is
capable of seeing; and as for their ever
being unhappy, why the thought never
enters his head. Well, when the JUS
tice had rung down the curtain on the
last act of our little matinee, and l had
'ponied up he called me one side and
said:
Young man, this getting married is a
very serious thing, and should be looked
upon as such. While there are hum
dreds of men getting married every day.
and living happily with the women OF
their choice, there are, on the other
hand, thousands, aye, might say tens
of thousands, who do not live hap
PLY together, and in consequence life is
burden to them, and they meet death
with a smile. Now, young man, what
am getting at is this: have some
blank divorce papers here, and for the
small sum of five dollars l will fill one
out for you in such way that In case
YOU and your wife ever wish to dissolve
partnership you will have the means
right in the family. thus saving lots of
trouble and expense
THAT, Jack, is what has nearly given
me St Vitus dance. The words of that
old reprObate set me to thinking. and
instead of looking forward to joy and
happiness. can think of nothing but
burnt beefsteak, mother-in-law, and all
sorts of unpleasant things. l am going
home this afternoon to square Nellie and
myself with the old man, and suppose
| will get another dose there. Say, Jack,
if you should happen TO run onto any
young fellow who contemplates mar
rage, by clipping, tell him to go to a
minister, and steer clear of Chicago
justice.-PecE' Sun.