Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1885-04-04

The first person to arrive got of
woodrack, hitched his horses and
noundered in, bearing with him such a
pungcnt odor Of curry.comb and bad
tobacco as to set the unfortunate news
paper man to sneezing The high
favored customer gaped around and
then, planting both elbows on the
counter, asked
OF tn cdmr in p
Clerk "Sir what is the nature Of
your business p
Customer -" Wall, I'd like to see tn
ed'tur himself ef | could. I've got a
leete advertisement want printed in
his newspaper.
CLERK -" The editor does not receive
advertisements. That is my business
Have you got it written out ?"
Customer producing a very dirty
scrap Of paper)-" Yaas. spose yen
prent it for nuthin' for an old sub
sctiber' I'm selling out, you know,
and there's heap Of folks around our
way takes yer paper, and they'd like to
know. It'll be jest as good news as
yen hev in your paper.
Clerk &c II will cost you one dollar
per insertion
Customer (expIosively)-" Jumpin'
jeehov One dollar an I've been
takin' yer paper four years "
Clerk eve make nothing on your
subscription. Your newspaper is much
the cheapest thing that goes into your
house. The advertisements are all we
have to live on"
Customer looked riled, and finally
grabbed his scrap of paper and bounced
out but after scratching his head,
rejecting few minutes outside the
door, re-entered, and persuasively
asked
Say, yen do it for half price form
old subscriber, won't you p
Clerk decidedly" Can't do it, sir.
Customer ~ Wall, there's your
dollar"
A clergyman entered solemn
visaged and specialized.
~ am going to hold special services
during next week. / wish you to
announce it, and please mention that a
collection will be taken up at the close
of each meeting"
Clerk Gnnocently)--" What space
do you wish your advertisement tc
occupy
Minister" | merely want ar
editorial notice; not an advertisement.
Clerk" We can announce you
meeting only in the form of an adver
tsement"
Minister (warmly)-" But this, sir, i.
a matter OF public interest--of spiritua
Importance to your readers. You mus
fill your columns with something, ant
surely nothing can be of more surpass
ing interest than my meetings"
Clerk ave must be permitted tC
edit our own paper in our own way
If you take a reasonable advertiser,
space we will be pleased TO make ;
short local reference to your announce
ment."
Minister Indignantly" How ex
ceedingly worldly! My dear younl
friend, how can you expect to prospe
in Christian landF
Clerk Quietly" The best Chris
tians | am acquainted with are thos
who pay their way and ask no favors
II there were not few of that sort
don't see how we would meet on
bills"
Minister (trigidly) ~" | shall consul
my friends" and stalked out, retlectln
severely on the mercenary character G
men who could not run newspape
without money.
But the doorway was present.
illuminated by vision Of lovelines.
A well-dressed lady, smiling in.a mo.
bewitching manner, stepped up to tn
counter, causing the exhausted youn
man to suddenly strike new position
finger his necktie convulsively, and &c
off his other smile, although he was il
wardly fearful she was only begga
like the rest,
Lady $50 sweetly)-"l want to as
il you will be SO kind as to notice o,
social to be held next Thursday evei
ing, for the benefit of the Ladie
Gospel Aid Society Tickets onl
twenty-five cents, and Pm sure (hei
she smiled a smile that agitated h
very boot hecls) you will buy coupl
won't you p
Clerk (head in. whirD -" Well
no-thank you gaining courage); "
get about a peck month OF the:
social tickets presented to us. Yo
could not get newspaper to W
them no, not for pay"
Lady" Well, you will give us
nice notice, anyway, 1t will be a goc
item OF news
Clerk" ! shall be most happy
write out an advertisement and insert
at the regular rates.
The smiles ut once went out, al
the lady did likewise, leaving the nc
nearly distracted youth to wonder
there was anything in life worth liviI
for.
He had not long to ponder, no
ever, A gentleman with an overpowt
ing air of biz, and an acre or two
shut front, strobe in while the clerl
hopes took an upward bound at Il
prospects OF now receiving genui'
order.
Gent - IL represent Shakespea
William, the great tragedian, I,
lines--lour times how much ?"
Clerk ~" Two dollars"
Gent All right, my boy. Her
your copy
Clerk =" Thank you"
Gent expect you to give
credit till we play Here are sor
clippings you can use III leave you
tnr insertion