The Columbus journal., 1885-04-15
the COWBOY.
Sill Nye's Idea of the Genesis OF tho foo'
tive Monarch Of the Plains.

Bill Nye's Idea OF the Genesis OF eDo Fo1'
tive Monarch of the Plains.
So much amusing talk IS being made
recently 'anent the blood-bedraggled
cowboy of the wild West, that 1 rise a.
one man to say a few things, not in .
d~ictatorial style. but regarding this So
called or so-esteemed dry-land pirate
who, mounted on a little cow-pony and
under the black flag, sails out across
the green surge of the plains to scatter
the rocky shores of Time with his fell
bowman.
A great many people wonder Wnere
the cowboy, with his abnormal thirst
for blood, originated. Where did this
Jesse James, with his CORY record and
his dauntless eye come FROM? Was he
born in a buffalo wallOw at the foot of
some rock-ribbed mountain, or did he
first breathe the thin air along the brink
of an alkali pond. where the horned
toad and the centipede sang him to
sleep, and the tarantula tickled him
under the chin with its hairy legsp
Careful research and cold, hard
statistics show that the cowboy was
born in an u~nOstentatious manne on
the farm. 1 hate to sit down on q
beautiful romance and squash the breath
out of a romantic dream; but the cow
boy who gets too much moist damna-
ton into his system, and rides on a
gallop I'D and down Main street. shoot
ing out the lights of the beautiful bill
lizard palaces, would be just as happy it
a mouse ran up his pantaloons-leg as
you would. gentle reader.
One night, while / had rooms in the
business part of a territorial city in
the Rocky mountain cattle country, l
was awakened at about one o'clOcka a. m.
by the most blood-curdling cry OF
.:murderw I ever heard. 1t was III
der with q big en-" Across the street,
In the bright light of q restaurant.
Q dozen cowboys with broad SOM
breros and flashing silver braids, huge
leather chaperajos, Mexican spurs, aNd
a silk neckties; with flashing re-
yolvers were standing. 1t seemed that
q big red-faced Captain Kid of the
band, with his skin full of valley tan,
had marched into an ice-cream resort
with q s%elf-cocker in his hand, and
ordered the vanilla GOODNESS for the
gang. There being q dozen young
folks in the place, mostly male and fe-
male, from q neighboring hop, indulg-
ing in Dream the proprietor, q meek
Norwegian with thin white hair,
deemed it rude and outre to do 50. He
said something to that effect, whereat
the other eleven men of alcoholic oour-
age let off a yell that froze the cream
into q solid glacier, and shook two
kerosene lamps out of their sockets in
the chandeliers.
This annoyed the ice-cream agricul-
turist, and he took the old axe-handle
he used to jam the ice down around
| the freezer with, and peeled a large
area of scalp off the leaders dome OF
thought, and it hung down over his
eyes, so that he could not see to shoot
with any degree of accuracy.
After he had yelled ''murder!" three
or four times, he fell under an ice
cream table, and the mild-eyed Scandi-
navian broke a silyss>P plated castor
over the organ of self-esteem,- and
poured red pepper, and ST. and vinegar,
and HalfOrd sauce, and other .rellshes
on the place where the scalpwas loose.
lnlS reVlVeO the DTdSc uuI HluIuciouo
cow-gentleman. and he begged that he
] might be allowed to 20 away.
The gentle Y. NJ. G. A. superintend-
emit of the ton-stamp ice-cream freezers
then took the revolvers away from the
bold buccaneer and kicked him out
through a show case.
All cowboys are not s~anglinary; but
out of twenty you will generally find
one who is brave when he has his re-
~volvers with him; but when he forgot
and left his shooters at home on the
piano, the most tropical v~iolet-eyed
dude can climb him with the butt end
of a sunflOwer, and beat his brains out
and spatter them all over that school
district.
of the man who never caFries arms,
never gets drunk, and always minds
his own BUSINESS. He doA't go around
shooting out the gas. orfntimidating a
kindergarten school; byt when a brave
frontiersman, with a revolver in each
boot and a bowie down the back Of his
neck. insults a modest young lady. and
needs to be thrOw9 through a plate
glass window and hen walked over by
the ~populace, calm the silent man who
iares to wear a clean shirt and human
clothes.-BM Nye. in Puck.