Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-05-27
Bill Nye on Communism.

dlally consent 10 snare my Wealth anu
dwell together with me in fraternal
sunshine, is duly received. While l
dislike to appear cold and distant TO
one who seems SO yearnful and SO
clinging, and-while l do not wish to
be regarded as purse-proud or arrO-
CANT, / must decline your kind offer
to whack-up.
You have not heard, very likely,
that am not now a Communist. l
used to be, / admit, and the society
no doubt neglected to strike my name
off the roll of active members. For
number of years l was quite active
as a Communist. l would have been
more active, but l had conscientious
scruples against being active in any
thing then. s.'g
While you may be perfectly sim
cere in your belief that the great
capitalists like Mr.. Gould and Mr..
Vanderbilt should divide with you,
you will have great difficulty in max
ing it perfectly clear to them. They
will probably demur and delay, and
hem and haw and procrastinate till
finally they will get out of it in some
way. Still, do not wish to throw
cold water on your enterprise. If
the other capitalists look favorably on
your enterprise will cheerfully CO.
operate with them. You go and see
what you can do with Mr.. Wander
bilt, and then come to me.
You 60 on at some length to tell me
how the most of the wealth is in the
hands of a few men, and then you at
tack those men and refer to them in
way that makes my blood run cold.
You tell the millionaires of America
to beware, for the hot breath of a
bloody-handed Nemesis is already in
the air.
You may say to Nemesis, if you
please, that | have double -barrelled
shotgun standing at the head of my
bed every night, and that l am in the
Nemesis business. You also refer to
the fact that the sleuth-hounds of
eternal justice are camped on the
trail of the pampered millionaire, and
you ask us to avaunt. fyou see the
other sleuth-hounds of your society
within week or two, wish you
would say to them that at regular
meeting of the millionaires of the
country, after the minutes of the pre-
vious meeting had been read and ap-
proved, we voted almost unanimously
to discourage any sleuth.hound that
we found camped OH our trail after
10 o'clock p. NJ. Sleuth-hounds who
want to ramble over our trails during
office hours may do so with the ut
most impunity, but after 10 o'clock
we want to use our trails for other
purposes. No man wants to 60 to
the great expense of maintaining a
trail winter and summer, and then
leave it out nights for other people
to use and return it when they get
ready. | do not censure you, how
ever. If you could convince every.
one of the utility of communism it
would certainly be great boon to
you. To those who are now engaged
in feeding themselves with fat beer
out of a temato-can, such change rs
you suggest would fall like a ray OF
sunshine in rat hole, but, alas 4! il
may never be-. l tried it awhile, but
my efforts were futile. The effect OF
my great struggle seemed to be that
mems hearts grew more and more
stony, and my pantaloons got thinner
and thinner on the seat, till it seemed
to me the world never was so cold.
Then made some experiments in
manual labor. AS began to work
harder and sit down less / found that
the world was not so cold. 1t was
only when I sat down a long time
that / felt how cold and rough the
world really was.
Perhaps it is so with you. Sedent-
airy habits and stale beer are apt To
make us morbid. Sitting on the
stone door.sills of Railways and pub
lie buildings during cold weather is
apt to give you an erroneous imprcs.
sion of life.
Of course am willing to put my
money into common fund if l can
be convinced that it is best. / was
an inside passenger on a Leadville
coach some years ago when few Of
our friends suggested that We all put
our money into a common fund, and
| was almost the first one 70 see that
they we're right. They went away
into the mountains to apportion the
money they got from our party, but I
never got my dividend. Probably