Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-06-26
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


by the ancients-probably on account Of
their extreme antiquity.
New York city receives one million va
nanas per day The skating Kinks are not
missed so much there as they are in some
parts of the country
The Chinese believe that the only cure
for epilepsy is to stuff the patients mouth
with grass. The Chinese doctor doesn't
believe in putting his patient to death by
long, slow torture the difference is only
II difference in method.
a writer asserts that, unless boy has
some natural ability, nothing can make
him smart. We don't know about that.
We have seen some boys who had very
little natural ability, and yet they smart
ed II good share of the time.
A Boston man. claiming to be scien-
fist, says if the earth is not bored full of
holes it will burst. He has probably been
retained by a telephone company which
wants to put up some more posts.
A law firm in Dubuque, Iowa, is Foster
& Foster. The senior partner is Mrs.
Ellen Foster and the junior is her hus-
band. 1t is unnecessary to say that the
Juilol partner SWEEPS OtlJ lHe OIllCc ana
makes the fire.
The dentist always goes armed to the
teeth.
The bicycle is to be officially introduced
into the Bavarian army. The Bavarians
will now be able to make some use of
their hospitals.
An exchange remarks that, ''1G0 of Yer
>, La,
Montana That's the sort of young men
we can spare best
There is said to he a lady in Burlington
who is so extremely sensitive that she
never goes by Il pile of undressed lumber
without looking the other way and blush
ing.
a young lady asked gentleman why
he never attended a church entertainment
at only costs ten cents to 90 in, you
KNOW she added. eyes" was the reply,
lit only costs ten cents to go in, but it
costs about four dollars to get out"
a Rockford H., woman had her eye
destroyed, the other day, by the cork of a
beer bottle she was trying to open. You
never catch man getting hurt this way
He knows enough to keep his eyes shut.
Bartholdi's statue has already enlight-
ened the world upon one point New
DIRK $ men of means are the meaneSt men
in the ty.-Philddclphid North 4 inert
can.
"What is an epistle - asked Sunday
school teacher of her class "The wife of
an apostle" replied the young hopeful
Christian at WOrk.
Paralysis is one of the most terrible and
least understood atft ctioDS to (which I'm
mainly is subject, but people would have
good deal more respect for it if they
once heard of it tackling Il tough subject,
say,a book agents cheek.-Iull RirCr I'D
rance.
Miss Gonge is siXtythree years old, and
has written four hundred novels. This is
Il good record but one must reCollect
that Miss Ionge had no husband, or chill
dren to dress for school. 1t makes consd-
cradle ditference.-Puck.
Ninety-nine times out of IA hundred.
when you call out, "Who's there :" the
answer is Me- which is bad grammar,
but, worse than that, gives you no infor-
nation. Everybody is "me. '-ProgrCSS.
Mitchell is three years old, and his prn-
cipal playmate is Il Siberian blood hound
of immense proportions. The other day
the dog rolled him of the porch, four feet
from the ground, in play, and fairly
mopped the ground with the small boy.
When he let him 90, the child lay still.
looked up in his face, and said Don't
be afraid big dog boy won't hurt YOU ~
I-Hdrpcr'S Bdzdr
Instructor in Rhetoric-"Glve an exam
pie of syllogism." Logical Freshman
"All men are more or less alike | am a
man therefore am more or less alike. -
Yale Record.
o Teacher "die to ittle girl pupil Where are r,
take us to Florida again" Can you
tel what the capital of Florida is ~
boarders. "-Ptttsburg Chronicle.
One of our sections, in making his re-
port of burials, is explicit to a commend
able degree. For instance, such entries as
this occur: Died. John Smith male
aged three days, unmarried. "-Christian
Register.
Death in their ranks has nearly conquer
ed the Concord philosopher. Philosophy
by the way, has never been what it was
since Joseph Medill commenced spelling il
with an 'f'' in the place Of "ph."-Neu
Orleans PicdWtne.
why are they called pyramids, pa ?
asked Georgia, who was looking at a picture
of those wonders of Egypt. They are
called pyramids, my son, replied thu
see, they appear amid the general desola
ton of the desert. "-BOstOn Transcript
1t behooves everybody to be on the watcf
these nights for burglars. The old-fash
Toned habit that many good people have
of boiling their doors with a carrot and o.
barring out the festive burglar with mos
quito netting is getting altogether 100 dc
cOllctC. a spring gun at each window
and a bulldog on the front steps goes fur
Their to make more of Il show, and show is
what counts these days. Nothing so dis
courges an able bodied tramp or burglar
as to have the top of his head blown off by
Il load of buckshot. 1t is hint to then
that their company is not agreeable
/ LII nGl,n Hlr1IIH