The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-07-16
THE MERRY SIDE !.

his strength The DIR, means that he is dying
A gentleman speaking of a farm in one of the
country townships, said that "nothing grew on
it but rocks and foxes"
You must not think there is method in DR.
Leonards madness simply because he is a
Methodist preacher.
Cleveland is talking of progressive Demo
cracy." He probably styles them thus because
they are all coming that way.
Ha! The Republicans are avenged on the
Prohibitionists No greater calamity could be-
fall the latter. Sam Cary is for them.
They are accusing Ex-senator Thurman with
an intention to write a book. Tell the Judge
that and his reply will not be fit to go into any
book.
A young man named Monrose Bechtel jump
ed into the Schuylkill River at Reading, Pa, a
distance of seventy-five feet. He was not hurt
but says he does not want any more of it.
DIR. Leonard is credited with the remark that
he will be elected Governor of Ohio. The DR..
evidently has not learned to fathom the poll
tical liar. 1t is easier to get the promises than
votes.
George Watts, of Michigan attempted to light
a match on empty whisky barrel, when the
barrel exploded, throwing him across the room.
It's dangerous thing to fool with, but George
will beat it. He will swear off lighting match
eS.
The wall of current poem is "WhoT Care
For Me When 1 Am Old ?" Why, the children,
of course. Every child in the family will be
anxious to give the old man Christian burial
if he only has little money.
1t is noticeable, and as significant as noticea-
Bile, that the Democratic papers express the
opinion that the Prohibition party is a very
good crowd and the Republican party is very
wicked crowd.
AT camp meeting at Paris, KY, there was a
big drunken fight, in which several persons
were badly hurt. AS the old lady remarked,
they 'belong to the church military"
Secretary Lamar's health is broken down.
We always knew a Democrat could not stand
prosperity. The only thing upon which DEM
ocrat will thrive is defeat.
The Mormons of Utah halfmasted the U. S.
flag on the 4th. Hal The insult should be
avenged! Call out the army and navy, and lets
go and take the last wife from the rascals.
Great swarms of frogs infest Texas. The resi-
dents do not know what to make of it. 1t is
significant, to say the least. Texas is Demo-
cratic State. When the frogs leave, look out
for the locusts, aud the flies, and divers other
scourges,
"Roman Nose" is the name of great Sioux
Chief, out west. But he has been pulled"
The coIored cavalry "blowed' him into a cell,
at Leavenworth.
ayes, Iknow him, said Smith to Brown, who
had been inquiring after friend, 81 know him
well, he is a marked man in the community
"Ah," said Brown, smiling proudly, "an for
what is he marked?'
"For having both eyes blacked.'
Last fall lady who is a vigorous Democrat,
remarked that "after Cleveland's election, po-
tatoes would only be twenty-five cents BUSH
ell. Now it don't make any difference what
they are, for where is fellow to get the twen-
ty-five cents.
New York girl was "married in fun' few
years ago, and when her real husband found it
out he sued for divorce, and the lady could not
get the mock-husband to let go. She had to
come all the way from San Francisco to prove
it was "only in fun"
buffalo Bill" captured the Carver "Wild
West" combination at Willmantic, Connecti-
cut, and broke up the show. Carver was ar
rested for libel, could not give bond, the In
dams were sent back to their reservation, and
the flow of gore stopped in the East.
A city in India desired TO ship ten thousand
pet monkeys by railway, but the railway COM
pany refused to carry them. Why they would
have thought nothing of that in this country.
1t would be jolly Sunday excursion.
"Why aint you rocking that cradle?" asked
an irritable mother of the small boy who was
peering intently out of the door.
"Cos' I'm watchin' the sky-rock etn' was the
reply. 1t was not long until the "sticlk" fell.
carrier-pigeon flew from Atlanta, Georgia,
to Baltimore, a distance of 5SS miles, in little
over 35 hours But il these bird-fanciers want
to see a race, let them start carrier-pig-
con and a campaign lie, side by side, and the
bird will get left, every time.
An African Queen has discovered that wo-
men make the best policemen, and has turned
all the male policemen off. There must be some
mistake about this. Women for policemen :?
WhySh never sleep.
81
Gen. Noyes declined the appointment of
Director of the Union Pacific Railroad. While
thousands of Democrats are praying for official
positions under Cleveland, it is sad to see Re-
publicans throwing appointments away, re-
fusng them when coming unsolicited.
man who formerly lived in Athens County,
said the principal industry up there consisted
n Winter
when the clay dried up in Spring, selling the
holes out for post-holes."
+s+
Rev. NJ. d. Turner, q Methodist preacher of
Georgia, committed suicide. Well, it's pretty
hard, but if Methodist preacher should be
caught in Georgia, without the means of get
ting out he's not to be so much blamed for
killing himself.
On last Wednesday. Fred Wulfmaier, of Gin
cinnati purcha hased ga small bottle of whisky,
and took walk in the cemetery" Next day
Fred's friends purchased small coffin and put
Fred into it, He took drink of the whisky
and died, like little mana very little man.
William Prendegast, of Buffalo, N. Y. got
drunk on 4th, ran his family out of doors,
made paste of flour, Paris Green and water
dancing around on the floor, when he fell dead.
His fantastic decorations saved the cost of flow
ers for the funeral.
E. Rosenthal, a young Jew in Portland, Ore
gon, killed himself to keep from marrying his
sister-in-law, after his wife died. The girls
parents had cowhided him to compel him to
marry. He perhaps concluded that if they
would cowhide him before marriage, there
would be fun afterward, and rather than take
the risk he died.
A newspaper publisher in Windsor, Ont.
claimed 1900 circulation, and obtained adver-
tising with that understanding. patron
found out that the circulation was just one
third of that, and refused to pay the bill. The
Court sustained the patron, as the publisher
had been obtaining money under false preten-
ses. If such ruling held good in this country,
there would be very few papers running in a