The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-04-02
THE TRAIN FEVER.
An English Humorist Discusses Peculiar
Disease.

Among the diseases of modern life,
and one which DIR. Richardson has
hitherto paid hardly any attention, is
the train fever, an insidious malady
which, if it is not altogether under
mining the British constitution, helps
largely to make life more miserable to
many. Some people escape this disease
altogether, but they are the select few.
The majority suffer from it in one way
or another. frequently without their
knowledge. This fever seizes some
people every day as soon as their eyes
are opened. They have to be at the
station at 9:59, say, and life is zymotic
ferment till they get there. Every
movement is checked off by the watch;
if the victim is rather late in shaving,
he has to make up time over his hair
dressing; and should there be a debit
balance at the hour Of breakfast, it has
to be iquidated over the coffee. ~
Then comes the race for the train;
there are SO many minutes allowed, cal
culated to such nicely that if the
patient hears the whistle of the APP
preaching train before he gets to the
grocer's shop, or the elm tree in the
lane, or some other noted mark on his
chart, he knows he must run for it.
And very often he has to run, for some
times it is wet morning, and he can
not lay his hand on his umbrella; or his
wife has some very important COM.
mission to give him, and can not re-
member them 'sif she is hurried so, -
but viii not let him 90 till she does; or
perhaps he must 90 back ever so many
yards to kiss the baby, who will cry all
day if it is done out of this mark of
respect. So by the time he has reached
the station the fever has done its fell
work for the day, has upset his nerves
and his digestion, and set him gasping
and painting all the way up town. To
be sure, he catches his train. OF course
he might have caught his train quite
easily if he had got up in good time
and thought nothing about it; but the
fever will not allow man to do that.
1t is astonishing how men will 90 on
day after day, year after year, repeat
ing this sad experience. They can no
more shake off the fever by taking time
by the forelock than they can fly. 1t
would be amusing, were it not grieVous.
to stand outside suburban station and
watch the race in for the morning train.
Up come the fever stricken, with anx-
ious countenances, some running OUT
right; some, whose dignity will not al
low them to run, walking double pace
with set teeth and firmly clenched UNI
brellas and bags; all hurrying and fall
ing back half exeausted when they
reach their carriage.
: The fever, as it affects some ladies,
is really too awful to dwell upon.
Many ladies to whom railroad travelling
was youthful wonder, are impelled to
go to the station to make personal in
quiries as to the times of starting. The
day before the intended journey is gem
orally dedicated to this preliminary sat
isfaction of the fever. But there is no
peace either to the patients or to their
households for hours before the time
fixed. The fever always impels them to
the station full half hour before it is
necessary, and sometimes actuates
them to hook their umbrellas into
porters' neckclothes, or to seize guards
as emotionally as if they were recog-
nizing in them long-lost sons. Upon
other ladies, however, the train fever
has an opposite effect. 1t fills them
with dull despair. They know that
they have always missed the train they
have fixed upon, and always viii. If
the train they want to go by starts at
nine and the next at 1890, still pursued
by the relentless demon, they will start
for the nine, and, of course miss it, and
will sit in the waiting room for the next
hour and a half with lack-luster eye and
wan countenance. It is their fate, they
know, and it is useless to struggle
against fate.-London Globe.