Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-03-05
WIT AND HUMOR.
The Zuni Indians have smoked Gig

The Zuni Indians have smoked Gig
arettes for 200 years.
Everybody is on the make now. 1t
y either make gioney or make an as
| signnient. bloomington Eye.
4 medical writer says anything that
will make q person sneeze viii cure the
/ hiecouglls SauH said. 81. Pau Her
alt
The small boy who wants to be an
angel finds himself checked ut every
/ itirn; N0w he ean't ride on the omni-
bus steps any mote. B9ston f'o5e.
wife. did You bring your opera
use it. .eHhy notpn ~Oh. | left
ms diamond ring at home. Boston
Bcacou.
| How anybody could shoot O'Dono-
van Rosa without hitting his Jaw is
one Of those mysteries that overcome
j us like 4 Summer cloud Florida
Iaaes- ntos.
How do you pronounce s-t-i-n-g-yp"
asked the feather Of tic Ounce Of the
class. The boy replied; TT depends
a good deal on whether tic word re
4 iSAN ~ - fNAsOit " . htc. - < fRktN1hle
Aetos.
An exchange prints an article head
cd do Hogs Payp' Some hogs do
not. There are number of thai class
in this city who owe newspapers, print
ing-ofiices, and every other shop they
ear owe; but they don't pay, those
| hogs don't san Aat9Rio Times.
/ Are YOU out in society this winter,
Mrs. Crimsonbeak?' asked an acquaint-
anee, meeting her in the millner's.
"Oh, Yes, replied the lady, admiring
an ostrich tip; Mrs. Fussaufeather and
| are both out. VIC don't speak, You
know. - IoRkers StateSmayt
a patent medicine advertisement
lproponnds thestartling question: do
you know why your liver fails to act?"
We do. Our liver has no legs to dis
play in fascinating tights, and docs not
yearn for the applause of the multitude
or the triumphs OF the stage. Through
Nail
80 yott tlidn't succeed very well
with your school in iilindisff mo;
had to give itup at the end Of the first
month. = did you use the blackboard
muchen mo. 1t was too large But
| used all the other furniture about the
room that wasn't nailed down. W
| 4 Graphic.
| A bright wife whose husband had
contracted club fever hit upon u bril-
liant scheme recently. She procured a
/ partly-worn gentleman glove and left
it on the parior sofa when she retired,
after sitting up until II o'eIock for her
lord. He does not 90 out in the even
ing now. Troy Times.
"Charlic, you seem downcast. What's
upP" Just lost hundred" Howe
Il bet 500 with Simpson that jenkins
would say, It's cold, ain ftp when we
met him. ''Weil, what Il Jenkins
say?" '.Why. the Internal ass said:
Well, is this cold enough for you2 !
just lost by n hair, you see.
Miss Roseieal (who is trying to force
a conversation What 10 YOU suppose,
Mr.. Van Noodle, makes our hoste s.
reception so invariably stupid9 Mr..
Van Noodle Aw. WEAKLY, haven Il
ghost of ideaw. Miss Il. And all The
other gentlemen are very much like
you. Yes, that must be the reason.
A student at the University 81 Texas
being short of funds wrote 10 his faith
en- in Galyeston: send me 800 by
return mail lie who gives quickly
gives dou lie. = The cid gentleman re-
piled by the next mail, inclosing $50
with the remark thai rs he had re-
sponded promptly the $50 nclosed was
equivalent to the desired 800 7eres
Sytiags.
"lieurictla, dear?n "Ycs. ma,
from the daughter at the door parting
from her sweetheart, who is iasl kiss
Ing her good night. ...Tell George to
look out FOR tie paint. George docs
not kiss her again. Henrietta thinks il
is real moan Of her mother to give her
away, until she remembers that The
front gate has just been newly painted.
San Ftdac SEQ Chronicle.
We hear many complaints Of hard
times, but really the Granger is gliding
along easily, and we would have no oc-
casion to call for money had we not de-
cided to build $4,000 residence this
spring, and we lack just Sl5.S7 of hav-
ing enough to complete the house, but
as soon as this amount comes in we
will lie all right. and we are not COM
planning as il is elnQha (Neb.)
Granger.
"Why, Caroline, aren't you ashamed
OF yourselfp" exclaimed d mother, en-
tering the parior, and addressing her
daughter. ''Your poor father has only
been dead three weeks, and here you
are playing on the piano. He's
been dead longer than that, NAV. He
died on the second, so you see he's
been dead four weeks" That's a
fact, said the mother. 600 ahead.
declare my memory is failing me. -
Arkdnsaso Trareler.
First College Man "Have you heard
the awful news about Princetonp"
Second College Man "Princetonl
Great C@sarl HASN'T burned down, has
it?n mo, not exactly; but it has
withdrawn from the rowing associa-
ton. .'0h Well, that's not so bad.
Such step was absolutely necessary
in order to give the students a fair
chance, You know" "A fair chance?"
Eyes, it is simply impossible for an ed
vocational institution to do full Justice
to rowing without actually neglecting
base ball.
f'Another big failure, said Smith, as
he opened his morning paper. "A big
failurePn queried his spouse. YES.
A firm in Holland, who were engaged
in the wholesale sugar trade. have
failed for $1,0J0,000 . lis it posi-
ble!'' exclaimed Mrs Smith. "The re-
cent reduction in the price of sugar
caused their failure, didn't it?'' Il
don't know" said Smith. Il guess
the reason of their failure was because
the weather was too cold for anybody
to dig sand
s'Seen that cut the Pennsylvania
roads made to Chicago?" asked the
Financial Tramp of the tramp in the
Palace ox-Car-''Sl for o thousand
miles. That's one mill miller ats
going to do great harTs to business,
dolefully responded the Box-Car tramp.
''Sure as you live, . replied the Finan-
cial tramp. THE cadging and hand
out industries will feel it severely
Who's a-going to work at tramping
with railroads at a mill mile!' Puts
burg Chronicle.
'Rejoice with me, my beloved wife,
he cried, as he entered the house, ire
joice with me; | have secured the po-
sinon!p "What. as cashier of the
Ninety-ninth National Bank?n s'Yes.
my love. enter upon my duties to-
morrow morning. '.How nieer she
exclaimed, as she kissed him. II viii
start tomorrow morning 'Starti