Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-08-27
A WICKED JOKE.

II wonder what is the trouble be-
tween Puffer and Gambol and Sloan.
They hate him like poison" remarked
the judge.
Haven't you heard?" inquired the
major.
mo; what is it?"
"4ou know what terrible hand
Puffer writes? Someone told him once
that he wrote a diStingue hand, and il
set him up so that he now writes worse
than ever. Well, that happens to be
his sensitive point. He prides himself
on it. Gambol has a weak point, too
his eyes. He can't help being cross
eyed, but it worries him all the same.
When he goes to the theater he sits
with his back to the stage to see the
performance. He is first-rate fellow,
though. Abouth month ago, Gam
Dol asked Sloan to introduce him to
Puffer. Now, Sloan can't help playing
practical joke any more than he can
live without eating. IN arrange that
for tomorrow, answered Sloan; but
you had better take pad of paper and
a pencil with you. He is deaf as a
post, poor fellow. He can't even hear
terribly sensitive about it, too. So
when you meet him just act as if you
knew all about it. I'll see you at his
office at noon tomorrow.
"A few minutes later Sloan was
seated in the editorial rooms of the
Leader.
+" Iwant to bring a friend up here to
meet you tomorrow, he remarked to
Puffer.
Glad to meet any friend of
yours responded the editor.
HE is friend of yours, too, replied
Sloan. He greatly admires your edi-
torials. There is one popularity about
him, though
" What's that?'
He's deaf as a clam He can't
hear it thunder. He doesn't know it's
raining until he misses his umbrella.
He is very touchy on that point, and
you had better have some paper and a
pencil ready for him when he comes,
and act as if you always knew he was
deaf. 1t will MAXI him feel easier
THE next day at noon Sloan and his
visitor entered the Leader office. Puff
fer was waiting for them. Sloan took
their cards, and gave Puffer's to Gam
Dol, and vice versa. Both men smiled
at each other encouragingly, and. pro-
ducing pads of paper big enough to
write q presidents message on, sat
down beside the editorial desk.
:. i am glad to meet YOU wrote
Puffer on his pad.
'Gambol took the scrawl and looked
at it, first out of one eye and then out
of the other. A puzzled look came
over his face. Finally he turned the
paper upside down, and light of in
telligence broke upon his countenance.
Taxing up his pencil, he wrote:
. i am exceedingly sorry to hear it.
Did you ever try Simpsons extract?'
and he handed it back to Puffer.
"When Pulfer read this, his mouth
opened with establishment. He took
his pencil and wrote on the bottom OF
the sheet:
4 don't want any extract. | am
not sick. simply said l was pleased
to meet you
''Then he showed the paper over to
Gambol, aud waited for a reply. II
Gambol was puzzled at the first COM
munication, he was in reality stricken
dumb at the second. He glanced APP
pealingly at Sloan, who was at that
moment attentively looking at a pict-
ure on the wall, with his handkerchief
in his mouth to smother his laughter.
Finally he struck what seemed to him
to be a clue, and he wrote in reply:
Yes. thanks. don't care if | do;
but don't you think we had better 90
to lunch tirst?'
'Then he handed back the roll to the
editor, and smiled smile of mingled
dissatisfaction and relief
when Putfer saw the answer his
disgust rose beyond his control. He
rose up in his chair, took the paper,
and handed it to Sloan.
" See here, Sloan!' he shouted, see
what this grandson of lunatic has
written. Ibis cross-eyed fool evident
ly doesn't understand his own Ian
guage. What in Tophet did you want
to bring such a strabismic ass up to
this office to meet me forP Here take
this paper and write to him that | am
sick to-day, or dead, or anything, and
don't want to write any more; and the
next time you bring deaf and dumb
idiot up here to see me just let me
know, and I'll run out of town for a
week or so.
. That's all right yelled Gambol,
as he danced around the table: that S
all right, but if | wrote a hand like
yours I'd print my letters. I'd spell
them out on my fingers. I'd hire a
schoolboy to write for me. I'd
Say gasped Puffer, 'ain't you
deaf?'
" No, replied Gambol, amt you?'
Then both men looked at each
other minute and simultaneously ex.
claimed: Where's Sloan?'
But Sloan was wise man. He
was gone. Puck.