The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1885-06-06
STRAYED OR STOLEN.

THE LAUSDREss daily soliloquy =
FAYE, there's the rub. Boston Tran
script.
A CURIOUS fact in natural history
That so many fishes frequently go il
seine.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know
what kind of a bear the Russian beal
is?" It's bugbear.
VAssAR COLLEGE girls want to be al
lowed to keep pet dogs. These shoulc
certainly be in the cur2iculum.-Bostor
Transcript.
ANOTHER MURDERER has confessed thai
ne killed a man years ago, thereby de
stroying the clue which the detective
was working up.
Why is it dangerous to be out in
spring7 Because the grass has blades,
the flowers piStiis, the leaves shoot and
the bullrushes out.-EL.
EULALIA-''So You at last succeeded
in bringing young De Rich to the pop
ping point7"
Edfth-"Yes, but it was a pretty tight
squeeze. "-Er.
We SEE it denied that President
Cleveland has the ague. The report was
started by Office seekers who had got
the cold shake from him.-Boston Tran
script.
GUEST AT the .reception-This is a
dreadful bore. Let us 60"
Stranger agree with you. but my
wife don't let me go. am the host
Err.
THE difference between the old
Scotch poet and the modern spring poet
is that in his case it is the poet Burns,
and with them the poetry burns.
DoCroR-It is nothing but an attack
of dyspepsia.
Wife-And what does that come from.
doctor?
That comes from the Greek, madam
-Ez.
COLLEGE STUDENT translating from
Firgil-And thrice l tried to throw my
arms around her-that was as far as
got.
Professor-Quite far enough.-Er.
EDWARD ATKINSON says that silver is
not as valuable as are eggs. This may
be true, but pocket full of the former
does not cause as much anxiety as the
same quantity of the latter.-Boston
Transcript.
A YOUNG man became violently insane
in a New York boarding house the
other day. His landlady probably
trusted him for weeks board, and the |
joyful surprise dethroned his reason
CONNECTICUT HAS calf without eyes
or tail. What evidence OF merciful |
Providence to thus deprive the poor calf
of sight and keep it ignorant of the ter
rible truth that it has no tail.
Ell MAHDI must be a man of extra
ordinary mental caliber Although
Nolsely has received a classical and
military education, yet we venture to
say that Sir Garnet would give 81 900 to
have 81 Mahdi's head. = New York
Tribune.
BISMARCK Is allowed salary of SIS, 900.
But it should be remembered that the
Chancellor doesn' It have fortnight off
in the summer and never gets a Satur-
day afternoon for a visit to the base ball
grounds.
THERE ARE 5000 women employed in
Australian railway offices. The Austria .
ians are long headed people. What a
don't know about trains, how
ong or how short they should be, etc., s
ETC., isn't worth acquiring.-Er. 4
A LOWELL genius has invented a trap +;
with which he expects to catch cholera
germs, and thus put check ON the
disease whenever it appears. The trap !
will be baited with green apples, tramps i
nd section of sewer pipes. il
Considering all the countless charms 2
md accomplishments with which Pro-
lidenee has endowed lovely woman, it
Ioes sometimes seem strange that He =,
idn't bestow on her the faculty of doing
p bundle up decently. T
CRGsUs BUCKwoRTHY ST. Ito Ruskin
lie We're, art critic)-Now that's what |
all fine picture; shows remarkable
alent. Ny daughter painted that, sir, 4
nd wouldn't take $500 for 1t. Why, I
he paint alone cost $3.50.
ABLE TO pay it: well" remarked
he divorce lawyer, what alimony do
on want?" n
Il think $500 900 cash and an income
$4,000 year, besides lawyers fees
ould only be fair" replied the lady.
Fair madam ?" answered the LAWYER Il
/ surprise, what business is your hus- r
and in?'
he owns skating rink II