davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Couldn't Turn.
lRnnhagt,ar lola

Ex-Governor Wood IL ons OF the stump
speakers OF the Pacific coast AT one time
he was living near the r 3cty mountain
range. He and his businasi par.ner were
both ambitious to Kill a buifa o, 50 elrly
on, bright morning they startel ut for a
hunt, each armed with gJol rife. For
long time no buffIlo appeared Finally, in
IA deep, long valley they sulie lly came
upon an immen 's buffalo bail stan ling on
an elevation within easy ranye u their
guns But the ex-governor ; courage failed
HIM at the sight OF such III M '.er. an | he
begged Williams not TO shoo. "Humoir
replied Williams, as he rais'l his gan to
his shoulder, "io you th.n'i | am gong
to hunt this long for buR 10 an / tn IN
throw away such a chance as that" Wool
then bejou ghC him no to fire ulti b, coull
reach place Of safe This h, pro. n Sc
when the later ran down the val ey and up
the oppo it, side, where stood a juniper
tree up which he quickly climbed But
just before he reached the tree the souni of
n gun greeted his ear. Turning, he saw
Williams, without hat or gun, rushing
down the hill, a rod a: a leap and the
wounded buffalo in full pursuit At the
bottom Of the valey was long, deep and
very narrow gully, into which William,
plun rel, but an instant later clambereI
out OF and rushed for the tree. Go back!
Go Lack!" shouted Wool, az be saw his
da ige"; "g't .nto the gullyr' Not
mncn" ytl.eI Williams, as he increased
his speel ''Thar's the d-,st big grizzly
in thar ever you see. I'll chance the buf.
falo."
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
They WIN Never DO No Again


riargsret vandergr.ft In Tho Century,
The maid ,n aunt, In her straight tackei
chair.
With n flush on her pale AMI wrinklei
cheek
And borrified, NOR tihed, M stified air,
Was just about TO speak.
And the mai len niece, a nice little maid
Stood meexIy twirling her thumbs
about.
With a halftriumphant, half-afraid,
AMI wholly bs witcni ~ pout
Said the maiden aunt: "will you please
What your h,ad' were doing so CLOSE to
gethsri
You could easily, assure you, Jane.
Have knocke me down with featheri
"When / think Of your bringing up-ny
care,
Ny scrupulous care-and it's come to
this! You
Appeared 10 b. sitting calmly there,
And letting a YOUNG MAN KISS you'll
Now tell me at once just what be said,
And what YOU replied. This is quite
trial;
So do not stand there an hang your head,
Or attempt the least denial!
.'If catch you once more In such AK
Thou III you are u, can tell you. Jane,
shall treat you Just as II you were O.
And senI you TO school again!
"Aye you going to tell me what he said,
And what you saidl I'll not stand this
trihing;
So look at ma. janet Lift up your headl
Dent go as il you were st.h.ng!'
Her voice was shaken-of cour sc, with f,ar: |:
He said-he saId: VIII you have me,
Janaf
And said would But. indcel, aunt, dear,
Well nc yer do 80 again!'
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
ItfevItIes.

BingIampton Republic IN She loved,
alaA she Lowell m | sic Lowell me ers
wen III" gu shes some nlnny OF a versifier
We think # sh, had wal e until after h,
was wc,ned b'fo"e loving him. and that
proces were deferred until after his exit
from cllIhood, the poet would die unloved.
Exc lanye: Professor Of Chemistry
Supposs ytu were called to patient who
hal swallowed heavy dose of oxalic acid,
what ull you admin ,teri Jonss (who
Ia prs paring for the pulpit, and who only
takes chemistry b,ciuIe 1t is obligatory
/ would adm n ster the sacrament
New YORK Worll: Mr. John Meecham,
N merchant OF NJ mp ais, objected to Cpen.
Ing tie new s:,ci exchange in that city
with p.lyer. although he was sinformed that
the il rsti u in woui specially deal with
future, ., and he irreverently remarked that
he wJuII a oon think of opening jack
pot with prayer.
1exas Siftings: The Servians are adj
yanciug cautiously into Turkey territory.
The more cautious the Servians are the
better for them, otherwise they may dupli-
cate the experience of the inquiring man
who thrust his hand into horses mouth to
sec how many teeth he had. The horse
closed his mouth to ses how many fingerd
the man had.
Exc arse: 'Oh, George. how sup rli.
tiveIy still, clsar and beautiful is ,hs
night" she whispered, leaning her fuel I
velned 'emrl. az last his coat collar; ''nLw "
500. b NJ, low re dfuli Yes" he repIe /,
toiIr with her chestnut aureo.e lair,
WHIT. n eh. 10 shoot cats"
Wal: A ma in Long Wool, F.a, r.
ceLtlI oxch lnge weekly pale" 10 "A
mula l. tr Ill was no. 81 inaDDrCD Il ate
a It " uld sam at first blush Th.j AZ
both elevators OF the human race
B son Bulletins: Good grac Gus, sad
the nen vi en- she discovered the porce al u
egg in Ler INST, j shall be a Trick aye
neA
The new North-west., 1885-12-04

After I came to New York lived in q
quiet street. which Is now q noisy thor.
oughfara Ispent most OF my time when
away from the Office In my room hap
penei to look acro,s to the opposite house.
yhere l saw pretty girl at one of the win
dows. She was leaning against the case
msnt tapping on the glass with . pencil
After this I saw her at the same place many
times We had got a. far IS . nodding ac-
quaintance. but ! had no opportunity OF
speaking to her. s...-.
One afternoon. having come home soms-
what early, was at my window thinking
VI my pretty frie ID oppo lite. almost IN
consciously tappsi q salute to her on the
window pans vita my pencil using tho
telegraphic signs i was very much sur
prised when reply came from hsi In the
same way. She understood the signs and
could use them. After that we had long
talks across the street, AMI, as our interest
in each other dsepenei into warmer feel
ing. many u tender mes age was sent by
the air line You may not believe it, but
we were engaged to be married before we
had ever exchanged . word or before
either had heard the other speak word.
Afterward was introduced properly. and
married the young lady the following
Christmas. eEl that l. what / call getting a
wife 1on tick /"
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
He leaped on one of the empty chairs

He fedped on one Of the empty chairs.
"'Lldie' and gentlemel,' shriexel he, Il
Im a free and eniightelei citizen Of this
glorious republic, and | aim the proud
privilege Of enjoy.n; Mr. Artemus WARTS
aiecdotcs Wien 1 enjoy any thing | lIugh
ut lou l. and when laugh max a nose
/ cast no reflection on you, M follow
citizel-, but / 3 clear 10 me yolr heads ars
to thick for NJ. WarIs store, TO pene-
lrlte THE re It OF the ssntelco was lost
In the confusion that followed:
"'OLt with him?
"'n no is he!
"'aL II Pitch him in thu ,ndr
"'Dry upl
"Anl hundre Is of similar observat ons
rent the air. pantomtmed to Smith to
wit draw. He obsyed, and, peace bs!ng
re tor d, preceded. This episode rathsr
fmu,rI me, ami fell into my be'; vein.
It,ld them aneciote after anacdote, story
after story, and frei off a fusllade Of crisp
and biting jests 1t was no use. l coul
not for the soul OF me rouse them to any
outward expressions of appreciation CT
enjoyment Then j ielt vexsl; at last !
grew whimsically vicious in my despair
In for penny, In for a pound, thought !,
when | suddenly stopped, and, glaring
defiantly az a c.rta man in the audience,
! pointe1 at HIM with my index finger, and,
looking at my watcI, said:
Ladies' and gentlemen, for three-q quar-
ters Of an hour have been trying my
hardest TO dig laugh out of you. Up to
now / haven't succeed ii. / don't wish to
bepersonal, but il that man with the red
hair and the long ncs, doesn't laugh soon
shall stop this solemnity ani 60 and hang
myself'
snow, mark tho provincial mind" re-
marked ArtemuI "The audience, who
had passed over some mighty fine wheezes
and a few we'll crustel Joe Millers, re-
garded this allu5io to the red haired man
with the long nose as a tremendous local
joke, which they thorough UNDERSTOOD,
and they simply howled 1t Is true |
had not calculated ON this combined result
OF audacity and accident; but l felt that
the audience had had something for their
money, and had not left their homes ent rely
in vain.
"1be audience rolled out, cbattering
away, and my faithful j. p. Smi h stood
at the door to collect opinions
What did they seem to sayf ] ke1,
when we got to the hotel, and were totaling
up the receipts
Say replied Smith; well, oul Int
lik, to repeat all heard, but one man said
he guessed You were laug hing at them in
your sleev We, and that you were darneI
fraui, anyhow, and gently in'iIu ltei that
the next time you visitei Gosnen you'd
better have your life insured. Another
man said you might be smart enough for
some towns, but you wasn't up to the mark
for Goshen
'gere the landlord Of the Buck Joined Us.
He seemed a good-n aturei man, and / ven-
tured to ask him what he thought of my
lectura.
"'Wall, said he, with crushing urbanity,
while frank expression dancei into his
honest blue eyes, ~ didn't quite get grip
Of what you were preachiR about You
see, I'm not much of hand for shows and
sich like; but, by the great United States
when you pintei out that ar red -hair'd
rooster with long beak-wall, I must say
lthowt it were the best thing ever heerd
In my life'"
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
HIS FIRST LECTURE.
uo, Artemus Ward Failed 10 Bring
Down His Hoase.

Howard Paul In T. Y. World
.'B fore ! ventured TO storm the big
ities" said ArG.muS Wari to M II
;hought I'd take a modest turn In some OF
he towns and villages up through New
Yo-k state. AMI settled to begin at an out
hde place cilled q Jshen, great cheese ana
1utter depo.. Nv agent was an afvertis-
ng f,nd named John =. Smith who stuck
1. nothing as far as printers ink was con-
,erned, and was a bit of q wag In his way.
de promise to do his bvel best to make
;he lecture succeI4 We Ius up at the
principal Inn AMI distrib butei hatful OF
rec tickets, so as TO b, sure cf dccsnt
Towd in the hall We'll, everythin. was
m readiness. and at thu last moment l seat
or Smith. who was to tend door: said,
John. feel shaxy and neryou, AMI wish,
lfter the pc ople g,t well IN, you'd give me
4 hand now and then to start en- on
"'Lnve IL to m, sa d Smith, encourag-
ng.y, I'll fix all that
'At the proper time pre- Ien:ed myself to
he expsctant public was riggsd out in
, white vest I'd tie, and lookei as insipid
Is boilei fowl ! didn't get hand.
Smi was too busy collecting the tickets
% look after nv entr ance, so my seni-oh
vas not stimulating / began my lecture
n SLOW measured tone OF voice AM you
night havs Eeari cannon ball drop or ths
lea ing of a pocket handkerchief At any
.a.e the! were attentive, | thought; 50 L
ct off in du, course wha5 / considered a
Joke ThsS didn't take it. paussd; then
went on. BY and by / les OFF another
ame result: then another, and Smith, who
lai got through his ticket collecting and
nserCe himself among tbs people. began
o applaud Justify.
my experience of sympathetic city au-
licences had previously suggested that
when some one boldly and bravely leads
1ff tn. applause Others usually follow, but
ii Gushe 4 this habit did not Dtain. A man
we ! up in front cried, Silenc,! Hi s-h!
Again / proceeded, AMI told them
story that many time AMI oft had re-
late with screaming success in private
,ircIe'. Smith this tim, set up terrific
Suffaw, stamped ami clapped his hands
and rocked backward /. and forward as
though he waJ utterly overcome by my
lumor. The audience were not to he lured
into following his example.
= 'Silencel shouted ona
Don't interrupt the speaker" howled
another
- Turn him outp roarel a third
"And half the audience rose to seq who
had caused what they thought Al un-
seemly ami riotous interruption in the tv1n'
mg's proceedings A farmer-lcoking man
uear Smith had a THICK stick in hi; hanl
AMI menacing look in his eyA | thought
he meant business aud would 60 for him.
| ha come TO a dead stand stIl', an my
agan; saw his opportunity. de I'apd on
one OF The empty chairs AMI proceelel to
iddr 81 the auliencs.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Found, bat Empty.

taWerIcah htRlster, Phrb
There IS good story told of John r.
Rogers minnie Palmer's john when he
first came TO Europe as very young man.
His kind father sent him abroad, giving
him for his expenses a purse containing
$1,000. Among other places J. r. pal a
visit to Monaco. and lost his 81, 900 in very
short order. He. therefore, cabled to his
father: PLEASE send me another 81, O00-
lost my pIrse." and went to bed and slept
the sleep of tn, just The next morning
he met friend who lent him thirty Ma
poleons Hs then took a fresh turn at
roulette, and quit the tables with 5000
francs, whereupon he again cabled to his
parent: Never mind money-ourse
found" The same night Fortune, fckle
goddess, was again unkind, and he was
reduced to his last Map" Another
cablegram was dispatcheI, and this time
It read: Send money-purse found but
1t was empty"
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Ths ichthyophagous Club.

The Ichihyophagous club OF New York
city will holl its annual reunion In that
city shortly. Its invitation carls real as
follow: toe club points with pride TO the
very low rate Of mortality at its tables and
the fact that the insurance companies no
longer class IT, members as extra haxlri-
ous' This result has been attained BY not
allowing the younger members 70 indulge
too freely in snchytr@us triventral- opectin-
atus or In sfrongylocsntrotus drobachien-
sis. but In confning them to the safer and
more paiAtab.s marine forma like p,euro-
hrachia rholodactylA. trout from the
Bisgosh. snl Lutjonus BlackforiiL Thsrs
viii b several medical men present., whs
will make mo charge for attendancs.s
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
She Wanted style.
lChristIan at Work. ]

Little Mabel was saving her prayers til,
other night. AMI had concluded the NJ
petitions for earthly blessings for herself
and family, when she suddenly paused and
looking up into her mothers face saii:
There lis one thing more want 10 ask
for, mamma; can IT,
Certainly IL il is not wicket" was tas
-eIlE.
AZ this the little one proceeded; "Ani
inaka all cur folks tylish, smsnn
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Accurately Defined.


Marc Antony Orig, the distinguished
tragsiian from the way back c.rcuit-M,
friend, how Is this' The house was cold
last night-cold-cold-caholdl And vet |
had distributed mo good gold among the
ushers to insure a hearty welcome a1d
tumultuous applause"
Mr. ochstein, the prosaic and Hebraic
manager-Golti Two dollars un' a helluf,
You don't get no dumultuous abblause for
no two dollars un' a hellufl Dot don't get
you no more as gordia rezeptionl
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Cheap Pleasure.
tFf,u~ cyis.f.r

wat Is Il you wants, Schacob" asked
Nose Schaumburg of his oldest son.
Give me haluf OF dollar, fodder"
"Vat does you want ter do NIT dose large
sums Of monishf'
''I wants ter make myself some pleasures.
wants ter go dot theatre in"
''Choost be a sensible boy, Schacob."
Vat yer wants me ter do foiderf"
II dells you how to gets all dot pleasures
vat you wants midout schpending mon les.
Ven YOU goes dot pet in, and dot vetter
wash cold, choost stick yer feet Outside, and
ven dey vas mcss frozen choost pull dose
feet dot warm psd in. Idells you dot wash
pleasure. Vat for, Schacob, you wants
ter make yer oli fodder weep init ose
friyoloas pleasures vat wash SO expenshive.' >,
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Notice Of Final Entry.
U. u, LAND OFFICE,

Helena. NJ. T., November 8, 1885
Notice is hereby given that the following named
settler has filed notice of his intention to make final
proof in support of his claim and that said proof will
be made before the Probate Judge of Deer Lodge
County. M. Tat lis Office in the town of Deer Lodge,
Saturday, the 18th day OF December A. D. 1885, to-
wit: "
JOSEPH HEILMAN,
who made Homestead Application Number 1877
for the sH OF SWA and the SW4 Of sen Of Section
No. 10, In Township No. 0, North OF Range No. IL
West and be names the following witnesses TO prove
his continuous residence upon and cultivation of said
tract, te-wit-
james b. McMaster, OF Deer Lodge +. o., and
Dominic Melen, James Butler and Alexander Wight,
all OF Stone Station p o., Deer Lodge county, NJ.
s53-6t r. Atkinson. Register.
o. B. OBannon, Attorney for Claimant.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Notice Of Final Entry.
II. 4. LAND OFFICE.

q. 3. LAND OFFICE,
Helena, NJ T.. October q, 1885. !
Notice is hereby given that the following named
settler has filed notice Of his intention to make I'm II
proof In support of his claim and that said proof will
be made before the Judge of the Second Judicial Dis
trict Court of Montana or, in his Absence before X
L. Davis Clerk Of said Court at Deer Lodge, M. T..
on De ember 8, 1885, viz
JOSEPH HENDERSON,
Who made Homestead Application No. 1886 for the
WV NEA. WV sen. section "a, T 10 N, of X 13 W
He names the following witnesses prove his contn
nous residence upon and cultivation of said land, to-
wit:
Allan Mcdonald, Albert Tinklepaugh Allen Nc
PhaiI. and John Wedde all of New Chicago, NJ. T.
s51-6t PARKINSON, Register.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
LEGAL ADVERTISEMENTS
SHERIFF'S SALE.
William Coleman, Plaintiff,

William Coleman, Plaintiff,
Va.
II. Clay Cosens, Defendant.
ITO BE SOLD AT sHERIPFS SALE at O'Clock
i m. Saturday, December 12, A. ID. 1856, In front
of the Court House door, In the town and county of
Deer Lodge, Territory of Montana under and by vir-
the of an execution Tor deficiency, issued from out
the District Court Of the Second Judicial District of
the Territory of Montana. In and for Deer Lodge
county, In the above entitled cause the following de-
scribcd property, to-wit:
All the right title, interest and estate of the de-
fendsnt, ii. Clay Coeens, in and to the a of N e
n of Section q. T 8 n 10 west. Also the N x 4
u Section ~, t X 10 west. Also the N W y
Section II, T N X 10 wet.
The above described property being situate In Deer
Lodge county, NJ T., and levied upon the prop
erty of the defendant, II. Clay Cosens.
Dated this 18th day of November. 1885.
JAMES b. McMASTFR,
S54 1t Sheriff of Deer Lodge county, M. II.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Notice Of Final Entry.
u. S. LAND OFFICE,
I~f.na NJ r N.y X 1SSh

u. S. LAND OFFICE,
Helena, M. T, NoY. 8. 1Ss5.
Notice l. hereby given that the following. named
settler has filed notice OF his intention to make final
proof in support of his claim and that sad proof VIII
be made before Orren Emerson. Probate Judge OF
on December 49, 1885, viz:
NELSON N. SOULE,
who made Homestead Application No. 2sll for the
sW4 Section 2S, T6NR14 W. lie names the fol-
lowing witnesses to prove his continuous residence
upon, and cultivation Of said land, to- wit
John II. Yandell, Duncan Campbell, Thomas
Robotham and Emerson Soule, all OF Philipsburg,
MT.
$50 Ct r. Atkinson. Regirter.
ii, r. TITUs Atty.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Notice Of Final Entry.
UNITED STATES LAND OFFICE.
n N...r

HELENA, M. NUF TT, IooO'
Notice II hereby given that the following. named
settler has fled notice of her intention to make
hnal proof In support Of her claim and that said
proof will be made before the Probate Judge of Deer
Lodge county, NJ. T., at his office In the town OF
Deer Lodge, Saturday, the 18th day OF December
A. ID. 1885, to-wIt-
MARY MANLY,
of Race Track P o., Deer Lodge county, NJ. T., who
made Homestead Application No. 1913 for the EE Of
NWA, and Lots Nos. and OF Section No. Is, in
Township Nc O, North of Range No. West, and
che names the following witnesses to prove her
continuous residence upon and cultivation OF said
tract. TO wit
Patrick Quinlan John r. Hemsed, James Murphy
and Patrick BOyle-a of Race Track r. o., Deer
Lodge county, NJ T.
Ss3-Gt r. Atkinson, Register.
o. B. o'Bannon, Atty for Claimant.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
Notice Of Final Entry.

U. 5. LAND OFFICE,
Helena, Mont, Novembe. IL, 1855.
Notice Is hereby given that the following
named settler has aled notice OF his intention 70
make na proof IN support of his claim and that said
proof will be made before Hon. VIM. j. Gabraith,
Judge OF the District Court of the Second Judicial
fore the clerk of said Court, at the office OF said
Clerk at Deer Lodge City, Deer Lodge cout ty NJ t.,
on Saturday, December 10, 1895. viz.
JENS JENSEN,
OF Race Track Deer Lodge county. Montana Terri
tory who made Homestead Application No. :77S for
the WV of NWA and WV of SWA of Section s,
In Township O. North of Range West.
He names the following witnesses to prove his con-
tinuous residence upon, and cultivation Of said land
viz
Peter johnson. Hans Golde, Lars p. Beck and An
drew Hendricks son, of Race Track, Montana Terri
tory.
s53.6t F.ADKINSON, Register.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
An Accommodating Stamp Clerk.


Let me have five two-cent s.amps
please" said lady to the ret all stamp clerk
la the postoffice yesterday.
''Yessum." he said, handing them out
Cant you let me have them in one
piecer she addei.
Certainly. ma am" said the clerk. 'Can
/ SEMI them hom, for your
''Oh, no; don't live far-only on the
north sids-and I am going right home.
woudn't want to put you to trouble"
mo trouble at all" said the clerk 81
haven very much to do to-day, and could
verv easily spare an hour"
Very much obliged" said the lady,
smiling sweetlv. 'Dsar me" she said, put
ting on a stamp, "what horrld bother il
is to stamp lettersl Why can we send let
ters AMI let the postofiice send in their bill
once a month";
'They might as WELL" said the clerk
sympathiz IN mention the fact in
my next sssaye to congress"
will you. How nice! But you mustn't
men ton my name. Say the idea was sug.
gested by north side society lady"
The new North-west., 1885-12-04

William Coleman has
Just received that car
load Of extra good hand
picked Winter Apples,
which he will sell very
reasonably. Those want
ing bargains in a winter
supply of this fruit, should
call early andleave orders.
The choicest of Lem
ons and Oranges always
on hand, at low prices.
sac If.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04

L. s. LAND OFFICE,
HELENA, MONTANA, Nov. II, 1885.
pafnra tha Raoistar and Racaiyar

7
HELENA, MONTANA, Nov. II, 1885.
Before the Register and Receiver.
Complaint having been entered at this Office BY
Henri q. Koenker against William j, Palmer for fail
IRE 10 comply with law as to Timber Culture Entry
No. 81, dated September 10, 1S79 upon the N 4 Sc
WHNEA Section 10, Township N Range 10 W,
In Deer Lodge county, Montana with view to the
cancellation of said entry contestant alleging that
said William j. Palmer has never broken or caused TO
be broken any of said land embraced In his said entry
The said parties are hereby summoned TO appear al
the office the 2ith day of December, 1885, at IL
o'clock a. m, TO respond and furnsh testimony con-
cerniug said alleged failure. And the parties are
notified that testimony to be used at said hearing
will be taken before Nathan Smith. Justice of the
Peace, at Garrison, Montana, commencing on the
18th day Of December, 1887, at 10 O'Clock m:
F. Atkinson, s.W. LAnGHORNE,
ATTORNEY, S54 II Register.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
In a Texas Hotel.
Texas Siftings.l

Ian ilidy-Mr Winthrop. I've go. you .
nice bei-fellow.
IntTui icr-Yes, stranger. the Cayortin
Cataclasn OF Ca averas canyon IL gwile ter
bunk with yer ternigh.. The lanilady
avs you come here from Bostin, Tor yer
health, AMI are scared OF Texa, despera-
does hut none of 'em win come nsar you
when tine Cavortin CatacIasm Is In bed
with yer.
The new North-west., 1885-12-04
SAFE For SALE.

A No. 3. hre- proof. combin.,;o, -,
Safe, Of standard CONSTRUCTION IN r.sss Cieoold
ic,s Ss new 10 every respect, will be sold n !.
"a n9urs applied tor soon. The No. ref.r.
snd = inches deep inside-iarre cncush ~ sss
ssss Ss,n.y ~. purposes. Weight 100 po,,nds. The
THE NEW NoRrH.wEsr