The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1885-09-26
4n lisNte' 11ooa.

Pastor Downs. of Boston, said in a
recent sermon, Il wish was tom cat
an old tomcat" Persons who believe the
| scandalous charges against Mr.. Downs
think they know why it is unnecessary
| for him to wish to be ga fool-an old
| tom fool"
1t must be with an eye to business that
the grocers of New York go on pleas
ure trip to Niagara. The sand there is
of VIGOROUSLY white and saccharine
appearance, and in refusing to be beaten
| down in prices the hackmen, notori-
ously, set the highest example in the
world.
Simpson and his wife were on their
way to church, and the lady was putting
on her gloves. "My dear" he said, ''you
| should complete your toilet at home. I'd
just as soon see woman putting on her
stockings on the street as putting on her
gloves" "Most men would" she said,
promptly, and the abashed husband
didn't say another word.
A barrister named Missing was de-
Tending prisoner charged with stealing
donkey, and was severe in his examina-
ton of the witness. The case was that
the prosecutor had left the donkey tied
to gate, and on returning it was gone.
do you mean to say, Witness" said
Missing, "the donkey was stolen ~ 81
mean to say, SIR" was the reply, chat
the ass was nissing."
Here is story told by Miss Martineau
Of servant girl who came to her to be
hired. The girl had brogue that might
have been cut with an axe, but denied
that she was Irish. "Well," said the
novelist, 81 don't know whether you are
an Irish woman or not. All l know is,
you were born in Ireland" "Well,
ma'am," replied the girl, Suppose l
was; if was born in stable would be
horse?' She was engaged without
further parley.
Jefferson Davis does not like the old
hoopskirt story that has graced nearly
every account of his capture which has
been given in the twenty years since it
occurred. He says it is false that he
wore "a hoopsirkt, calico wrapper and
old straw hood" He does not deny that
at the time of his capture he Was par
TALLY disguised by feminine apparel.
The ignominious hoopskirt is, however,
more than he can stomach. and the rcpu-
dates it with loathing and scorn.
Miss Mollie Williams, of Memphis, has
ii future before her more dazzling than
that which entices electric girls from
Georgia to come out and capture the
shekels of the wicked world. She seems
to have sort of galvanic battery in the
roof of her mouth, which inspires her to
say without a blush (she is colored) that
she escaped from slavery in Cuba by
swimming all the way to Hayti, Sin
which trial she was supported by the
mermaids." Instead of raising canes
and chairs like Lulu Hurst, Mollie ought
to be able to raise the roof.
No more pungent wittlclsm was ever
uttered than that of Charlotte Cushman,
who had been invited to dinner by a
friend, and, rather than disappoint him
and the other guests, went, though she
had racking headache. She was seated
next an iusipld rich man, who piled her
with all sorts of empty small talk, to
which she made no response. Finally he
said: Il am afraid you are not in your
usual spirits, Miss Cushmanw ooh,
indeed responded the actress; "and
pray why?' because you don't seem
to appreciate wit" ''lIumphD' replied
the victim. "Try me, and see."