Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-06-24

On every Sunday night
Marathon Independent.
The favorite tool of the printer is
the adze.-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
The silent watches of the night
those not wound up.-Philadelphia
Call.
When the devil pays his debts. does
he sheol outl-Louisville Courier
Journal.
81 think they had better let the
old bible alone" said E. "That's
what you have been doing for years.
said S.-Boston Traveller.
A little girl has solved the botanical
problem why flowers are armed with
pistils. 1t is to shoot off their per-
fume with.-Lowell Courier.
The coat tail Irritation is the latest.
A wrinkled coat tail, bearing the
dusty toe marks, means 81 have
spoken to your father. ."-Ex.
"Well, my young gentleman, how
would you like your hair cut ~
"Oh, like papa's please; with little
round hole at the top."-Ex.
A little Boston boy being asked
why Lots wife was turned into a pill
lar of salt replied: Because she
was too fresh, guess. Boston
Courier.
Fond mother-"You are very sick,
my child l will send for DR.. Jones"
Daughter (quickly)-"Not DIR. Jones,
mother dear; he is engaged already"
The Rambler.
A celebrated physician boasting at
dinner that he cured his own hams,
a guest observed: doctor, l am
glad to hear that you have cured
something."-Lynn Item.
Blanche-"Yes, you do look hor-
ribly seedy, Auntie. I'm so glad
they've ordered you off to an en-
bracing climate" Auntie (who is
under twenty-one, and dying of love,
sobs out)-"I-I only wish they had,
Blanche. London Fun.
A traveller through Arabia writes
that when Bedouin is asked to drink
his answer would frequently be, mo,
thanks / drank yesterday" In this
country the answer usually is: "Well,
I've been at it all the morning, but
guess / can stand another. ."-Ex.
Fashionable wife: "Did you no.
tice, dear, at the party last evening,
how grandly' our daughter Clara
swept into the room. Husband with
a grunt) "Oh, yes, Clara can sweep
into room grandly enough, but
when it comes to sweep out the room,
she isn't there. ."-Ex.
II can't account for the small at
tendance at church on Sundays" re-
marked Parson Jones. "Neither can
l." replied Fogg with his customary
frankness; 81 went few Sundays
ago, and / couldn't see anything to
attract the small attendance 1 saw
there. Boston Transcript.
III regulated zeal for science may
have the most disastrous results
Only last week professor of anatomy
at n we'll known London hospital,
finding that the body on which he
had intended to hold post mortem
was lacking, cody took up surgical
knife and proceeded to open his class.
London Funny Folks.
In certain Arkansas dance house
and saloon there is reversible motto
hanging against the wall. At the
opening of the festivities the motto
reads: "God Bless Our Home"
But as the evening wanes, and the
knives and pistols flourish in the air,
the proprietor fops the motto over,
and it reads; "What Will the Har-
vest BE i"-Texas Siftings.
At the police court Accused,
you are blind?" eyes, your honor"
"You are charged with vagrancy.
How did you become blind ?" "By
a fit of apoplexy." "Why, then,
this picture on your breast represent
ing an explosion in mine, in which
you lost your sight?" "Please, your
honor, because to represent apoplexy
painting is powerless. ."-Ex.
Architect (to rich manufacturer
whose rival, Smith, having built him
self country house, determines to
have one also)-"Well, Mr.. Jones,
what prospect would you like your
new house to havc?" Mr.. Jones'
Prospect! Prospect! What sort of
prospect has Mr.. Smiths got?" Ar
chitect-"Oh, his has a south pros
pect." Jones-"Ah, well, give me
two of them" London Fun.
"See here" said an angry citizen
To n auack doctor. "that wonderful