The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1885-02-05
WIT AND HUNIOR.

A cranky concern that through the long
night,
| Ger the bed where you sleptwas so eauclly
streaming?
The silk patches so fair,
Round, three-cornered. and square,
Give proof that the lunatic bed-quiit ID
o. the crazy quilt mania triumphantly raves.
And maid. wife, and widow are bound as IT'S
slaves.
There's good time coming, boys. +"
| So say the wisest men;
| But if they're right. will some OF them
Please specify just when!
The cartoon now figures prominent
ly. The car-tune is, Your fare, please,
gentlemen.
and a three-wheeled a tricycle., to what
cycle does the wheelbarrow belong'"
A woman at Pekin, H., has finger
nails an inch long. Her husband goes
creeping around as if he was walking
on tacks.
The conductors on street-cars III
Mexico Away carry revolyers. Proba-
bly, they want to shoot the fares after
they have knocked them down.
1t is well enough to permit people
to keep on discovering gold mines, but
when you are asked to buy stock is the
time for you to close your left eye
Detroit Free Press.
A man who paid the plumber $500
for putting the water on every floor of
his house said when the chimney
caught fire the engine company did the
same job without charging him PEN
ny.
"Oh! yes" said the Kentucky man.
1--WE keep a COW, and also have a well.
We can't make the punches without
milk, you know, and a COW can't get
along without water. ''-PtitadeLphia
| CaH
A bashful youth, confronted with the
contingency of having to ''speak to the
old man about her, was heard to re-
mark: "After a fellow pops, then
pops the fellow that worries the
most"
A Brooklyn man split some ink on a
rug and expended So Is to get the stain
out. AS he could buy rug for S1.75
he is correspondingly mad, and lays all
to Cleveland's election. - Brooklyn
Times.
Joaquin Miller processes to have
cleaned against the warm, tremendous
mouth of the Mississippi. In the in
terest of sane poetry, it is pity the
mouth didn't open and take him in
Boston Herald.
Gen. Dan Sickles, who lost his leg in
the late war, was asked by waiter in
a restaurant how and when he lost it.
Sickles says he replied: Young man,
lost loo af ho -
Hill, and don't you forget it,
At the recent Woman's Congress one
lady remarked that Its a nice thing
for a man to keep his mouth fit to be
kissed. y What has that to do with
woman suffrage? Is this forecast OF
campaign tactics in the halcyon futuref
The Philadelphia Call explains why
there are no lodges or clubs among the
Mormons. ut is out of the range
of possibility to expect TO find
eighteen or twenty wives all asleep
when the belated member gropes his
way upstairs. "
Miss Prettypert- why don't you
come over with your sister to our place
sometimes, Johnnie?" Johnnie (ris-
ing 10)-''Wel, it's like this. y'know,
Miss Prettypert. Where there's a
rippin nice girl like you'll | came often
people might think l had intentions,
and I'm not a marrying MANI
The total number of cigars produced
in the United States is 100000, 00C
annually. 1t makes a fellow awful sad
to think that he can't smoke them all
or 1t would make him sad were he not
aware that there are some 1899. 999, 600,
more or less, that he wouldn't smoke
| under any circun stances. -BOstOn
Transcript.
4 Norwich man told q lady that he
would be pleased to spend an evening
at her house. She replied that she
would be very glad to have him do so,
and further asked the young man to
eall on Friday evening. She said she
would not be at home herself. but
mother and the dog would be there
Hartford Times.
"Algernon, love, the doctor said
that absolutely required q change.
was forced to tell him YOU was alwar.;
Just run out OF it whele ever | asked You
for any, and that it was weeks Since
you had given me cent. Then he
said must need great deal OF change.
Amt you ashamed, now?' But he
wasn't. Not one bit
Shall | sing When the robins neat
again. darling?' she asked with a
sweet smile as she moved toward the
piano. Yes, love" he replied. Then,
after a moments pause, he added:
ALLOW me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
till next year She did not sing,
and he doesn't GO there any more.
An Arizona sporting-man was re-
Gently inveigled into a church fair and
induced to try his hand at the wheel of
fortune. In half an hour he had all the
money in the bank and a mortgage on
| the church. He very CONSIDERABLY
gave them back the mortgage. and in
the future the church Will choose its
victims with more care. -PUck.
A man in town received a note
Christmas. in which the writer thanked
him for some conscience money, which
he supposed the man had sent. The
receiver of the letter. wrote a note in
answer saying: Your letter would be
correct but for two reasons. 1 never
had any money, and l never had any
conscience to speak OF. "-LalUrence
| Mass. american.
when were the pyramids of Egypt
discovered" asked the teacher. In
the middle ages" replied the scholar
at the foot OF the class. What do you
mean by the middle ages?' further
questioned the pedagogue. "Why, the
| pyramidal ages, of course" The boy
is at the head now. That is to say, he
is earning board and washing in bar
Der shop.-Ionkers Statesman.
Johnnie, have YOU been fghting?"
sravely inquired Mrs. Jarphly. NO,
man. answered the heir of the Jarp-
lys. John Schermerhorn, how dare
| you tell me eli untruth.n exclaimed his
mother. Where did you get that
black eye, STRIP L traded another
! boy two front teeth and broken nose
| for it. replied Johnnie, as he crossed
the wood pile.-P'ttSburg Chronicle