St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-12-30
versity, and probably will be able to do it In
A NEW YEARS MESSAGE.

itJ. buG lJ lS very QlncIcllU lIOlll Iil6
New England New Year Of my childhood.
AS this season draws near / feel an irresist-
ible yearning to send to my own country
men something which may possibly remind
certain friends 1 left of my existence. I
thought had shut them from me forever;
find l cannot Year after year in this
strange land, as the season draws near,
have felt the same impulse. 1t is as if
then l would migrate to my Northern home
like bird Of passage. The feeling has
with me grown stronger and stronger. AS
L cannot come l send my thoughts-my
story-which hope and pray may meet
some old friends eye.
l was born and bred in the hard, narrow,
rigid life of family ''in straitened circum-
stances" in New England village. had,
when girl, two dominant desires. One
was to get away from my people, the other
to become physician. The love of heal
ing was inbred in mel mean to heal as
think only woman can heal-and to heal
principally women.
l don't say this as man hater-quite the
reverse. l state it only as my peculiar in
clinatiOn.
One of my besetting sins, and which in
jured my prospects in life, was an irresist-
ible tendency to ''cut up" and generally
at the very time and in the very place
where, of all others, I should have acted
decorously.
When was Is I told my parents I
wanted to be doctor. Women physicians
were little heard of in those days. My
family scorned the idea and threatened to
send me to bed for an indefinite period if
ever mentioned the subject again. So
nursed the thought and intent in secret. It
grew stronger and stronger. One day I
read in newspaper of a woman who had
commenced medical practice in Western
town. She was the first female physician
neWed strength to my determination.
At the age of 16 l commenced keeping
the books of a village merchant on the mea-
ger salary graciously allowed girl for
performing a mans work. I worked for
him five years and saved $1,000. With
this went to Boston and applied at GER
tain noted college, and stated my desire to
the principal of entering on a
course of medical study. He told me that
1 could manage to pull through" on
81, 1000, but that it would be hard work,
involving much deprivation and relative
hardship. On $1,000 he said could get
through properly, and advised me strongly
against making further effort unless | had
that sum.
Invent from the college and cried for
half an hour. l terminated my cry with
laugh, went back to my native village, kept
the merchants books for two years and a
half longer, returned to Boston with the
necessary 81, 500 and commenced my med
ical studies.
I went to Boston very full indeed of good
intent and resolution to abandon my mad
cap pranks. Imade in Boston one very
dear female acquaintance-the loveliest
nature I ever met. She seemed to accept
my odd makeup. though, possibly, she did
not understand it; but. for that matter,
neither did I then, nor do I now care.
The years that spent in the earning of
money to pay for my education and those
occupied in attaining that education were
years of close, hard living. deprived my
self of many things my nature craved. I
dressed very plainly and fed myself mea-
gerly. was obliged to deny myself amuse-
ment and recreation. l loved dreSs-rich
and expensive dress. l appreciated and
craved food much above the quality of 20
cent meals. was passionately fond of the
drama. l enjoyed all the elegancies and
luxuries life. Wanting in these my life
was continual starvation. 1 tried to COM
fort myself by the belief that in all this
necessary denial and pressing forward to-
ward the one aim-my education-I was
doing the right thing.
Was L? l answer. as now l see life and
it's necessities: Mol AS now 1 see my
case, longed for ten years to dress as 1
saw other women dress. I longed for
choicer food, cozy apartments and the graft
fication of many tastes. I look back with
loathing on my hard, narrow, pinched and
relatively squalid life. I made certain
friends, some of them wealthy. AS my
situation became known to them their
sympathies were enlisted in my behalf.
Offers of money followed. I took it;
more; took it almost greedily. [ clutched
it as the starving man might clutch
at some choice Wand given him which
he feared the others, starving, might snatch
from him. took it as one starved may
take any gift, thinking it was the last ever
to be received. l became covetous. 1
boarded away these gifts. While I would
not beg for more directly I did SO indi-
rectly. Though having then money enough
to supply the needs of the hour more in ac-
cordance with my tastes and desires, I did
not so crafty them. l continued still to
dress plainly and live poorly. l sent half
my soul to a bank vault and left it there
amid a package Of soiled bank bills-mine!
mine mine!-of which 1 would not touch
one to make my life and surroundings more
pleasant.
I found when 1 had sufficient means that
I had not the courage to spend them for
what had so earnestly wanted. The say
ing, calculating, cOst-to-a-penny habit Of
years chung to me.
Anything beyond my old plane of expense
frightened me. was cursed with mania
for cheapness. If purchased good arti-
Gle of any sort and paid for it good price
l would be panied for days at the thought
of parting with so much money. Had a
million been placed in my possession [
should have felt the same.
Isabel and l planned trip to England
together. L wished for a course of study at
one of the great London hospitals. We ar
ranged the trip and set time for our de-
parture.
But when I came to think the matter over
by myself it presented itself in very differ
ent light | felt that for this girl to accom-
pany me would be for both of Us misfor-
tune; that 1 should be ever leading her into
trouble through my whims and humors and
that her gentle and sensitive nature was
not able to endure the strain that would be
put upon it through my possible acts. l
went to England alone and without giving
her any explanation whatever
studied in great London hospital for a
year-rather a hard experience for woman
as woman in such situation is regarded
by the English medical student
- returned to America qualified physi-
clan. l had gained my end and had paid
dearly for it. The strain had been too mucil.
I was at the start splendidly equipped as to
physical vigor, but my health broke down.
l was ready to commence life, bnt now life's
cornerstone and foundation to build upoll--
health-was wanting.
The few friends had in Boston may re-
member how suddenly Disappeared; how l