Connecticut western news., 1885-02-04
WIT AND WIsDOM.

lHhlE hIe manD Hit-AaAAS tA s lSNNA@ orchard.
 TIE four seasons-Birth, Courtship, Marriage md Divorce.
 TIE bill collectors work is always dun before he gets his pay.
 EVERY dog has his day. md some of them want the night, toe.
 TIE young man who gets smit.en with a girl often geta mitten, too.
 DURING a cyclone the people are sure there is something in the wind.
 SHE: "What are you thinking of9' He: Nothing" She: "EgotiEt !"
 WHY are ladies good sailors Because they make good mates and can always command a smack.
 A MUSTARD man says that he has not made his fortune out of mustard eaten, but out of muatard wasted on plates.
 A MAN never realizes how little his word is worth til he receives a black eye and attempts to explain how he cane by it. WHEN Q man has a business thnt doesn't pay he usually begins to look around for partner Co share his losses with him.
 IT must somewhere be written that the virtues of mothers shall occasionally be visited on their children, as well as the sins of fathers.
 PRINCETON CoILnaE has withdrawn from the rowing association. IL would appear that Princeton is going to waste valuable time in study.
 A NEW LONDON boy cats thread and seems to thrive on it. There is one ad- vantage in eating thread. He generally knows what he is eating.
 "wHAr are ye doin' now, Billa' 'frol- Ter in a bank "The deuce What dye have to do2" "Have to tell when the stove needs more coal in it.
 RusKN says: No man has over lived right life who has not been ohastonod by q woman's love, strengthened by her courage mud guided by her discretion.
 A POET sings. q miss you, my dar- ling, my darling; the embers burn low on the hearth" Yes, it's an awful thing not to have a wife to attend lo tho fire.
 A CHICKEN with a clipped wing made several intellectual attempts to fly over a fence. Au Irishman who witnessed the efforts of the "chick" laughinely ex- claimed; "Begorra, she haa a defective flew. ."- Ctcvcldnd Voice.
 "I'M down on roller skates r said . young lady, while with party of friends the other afternoon in tho candy storo "Yes, l noticed you were yesterday when I saw you at the rink. You seemed to be down most of the time"
 A MAN who was 60 low with the fever that his physician felt it 10 bo bis duty to tell him he could not live, une1pect- edly recovered. His friends asked him how he felt when told that he must die His reply was, "I never felt 90 mortified in my life"
 A HOUSEHOLD magazine says that livery nice codfish balls arc made by cutting q codfsh up fine," otc Wo supposed that nice codfsh balls were made by cutting piece of liver up fine. etc. It seems like a queer notion to put codnsh in oodfsh balls.
 ANYTHING which makes religion its second object makes religion no object. God will put up with c great many things in tho human heart. but there in ono thing He will not put up with in it -a second place He who offers God second place, offers Him no place.
 GREAT and good men should be an in- spiration to us their light should ilu. minate us, their enthusiasm warm us. their spirit animate us. We must not, however, lose our own identity or quonch our own powers in the vain atteupt to live their lives or to initiate their hc- tions.
 Two LITTLE boys, aged five md sir years respectively, witnessed balloon ascension for the first time, recently. "ob, look look there !" exclaimed the youngest, "wbat is that2" "It's a bloon," replied the elder. "what makes it go up so fast?' "GaS." "what is gasp" "Wby gas is--is--is melted wind"
 Tms is the thing which know-and which, if you labor faithfully, you shall know also--that in reverence is the chief joy and power of life. Reverence for what is pure and bright in your own life reverence for what is true and tried in the lives of others for all that is gra- cious among the living, great among the dead and marvellous in the Powers that cannot die.
 Ar the Unitarian Club Mir. shippen told story recently related to him by Princeton professor, who had just come from an evangelical gathering. A Ger man guest, who was called upon 10 ad- dress the body, did not sufficiently dis tinguish between the accepted uses of the words obare" and "barron," and said: "It gives me great pleasure 10 ad- dress these venerable and barren heads
 Cosr Too MucH.-A lady of rc6no- ment and well dressed entered ono of our principal grocery stores a few days ago and ordered n quantity of sugar of such quality as had been advertised at very low figures. Sho said that she had bought a barrel of the same grade . short time ago, but as it had cost her more than was now asked she had con- eluded to wait until the price advanced before using it. sho had on oye open to