Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1885-02-18
AN ESSAY BY BILL NYE.
A Humorist Gives His Views
on Butter Making,
And Also Tells How He Once Undertook
to Milk a Strange Cow

anu Aloo lcllS hoW llo OuOo Ouucil looh
to Milk Strange Cow
Butter is the mature fruit of the full
blown COW. 1t is the greatest effort
of her life. The COW tolls not, neither
Toes she spin; yet | say unto you that
solomon in all his glory could not beat
her on handmade, or rather mlll-maid
butter This subtle joke / have re-
paired and newly upholstered for use
during the winter
Butter comes from the COW in a
liquid state 1t is quite trick to win
her confidence so that she will yield it
up to total stranger once sought
10 WOO the lacteal fluid from the milk
retort of large speckled COW to whom
| was a comparative stranger. She
wasn't one of those bloodcd COWS that
look as though they have been cut out
of a sheet Of paper with a pair of
scissors. She was a low COW, with
coarse instincts, born in obscurity.
Her brow was low, but she wore
her tail hiyh, and she was naughty
0, so naughty. The young man who
had hitherto acquired the milk from
This COW desired one evening to HE
him away to neighboring village,
where he might trip the light bcmbas-
tic toe till the wee sma' hours anent
.he twa.' (Quotation from poet
who was poor speller.) He wanted
me to milk his large, speckled, plebeian
COW; and | SAID l would. The move
ment was certainly ill-advsed. l I'M
lertook to do as l had agreed, but
failed. From the moment | entered
her stall and made a commonplace re-
mark to her knew our acquaintance
would not lead to a warm attachment.
Somehow felt constrained and un-
easy in her society from the moment
we met until loving friends pulled me
out through the stable window and
brought me back to consciousness. l
shall never undertake to milk a strange
COW again until the sign is right. So
far the sign has not been right.
might be sent on Polar expedl-
ton and get stranded on an iceberg,
with no other alternative but to milk
a cow or eat an old friend; but l should
hate to tackle the COW unless the friend
was a very old friend indeed.
Butter is produced by eXpunging
the juice from a rare and costly chem
ical known as cream. Cream is the
bead on the milk. Milk is known as
dry AMI extra dry. A good milkman
will always ask you whether you want
your milk wet or otherwise.
An old well-digger named Grady
told me about going over into South
crn Indiana at one tme to dig well
for man named Withum. Withum
was said to be very close. He was
the most contiguous man in Indiana
His wife ust d to skim the milk on one
side, and then turn it over and skim
the bubbles off. 1t was a constant
struggle between Withum and his wife
to see which would be the meaner.
The first day that Grady was there
they had round ball of butter about
as big as a lemon and as hard as Pha-
raoh's heart. The butter-knife had a
handle that would turn every time any
one tried to get lick at the butter
and the little round ball would flop
over on the other side and smile. Now
and then a hired man would reach over
with his own knife and make slash
at it, but the butter, confident of its
own strength, would tip over with a
dull thud, and the man would heave q
sigh and give it up. Then another
Farmland would make wild dash at
it, but burst into tears and quit. Fl
nally Grady, who had watched this
performance several days, jabbed hi
fork down through the middle of the
yellow chunk and successfully cut il
in two. In the centre was small
solid wooden top. There says Gra
dy, "I've found out what the blamed
thing is wound on, anyhow" Bill
Nye, in Courier-JOurnaL