The Russellville Democrat., 1885-12-24
sAM's SUING SHOT.
Gems From sam Jones Sermons
 m St. Louis.
A CHANCE FOR THE KIDS.

fOl those Colonels and Majors and Judges who grace cur eurbstones and saloons. They have nothing io com mend them to God but their money and their means. If there is any body l want to sec go to heaven it is poor white folks and niggers.
 A SOBER LAMP POST. If negative goodness was religion, then one of these lamp posts out here would be the best Christian in town; it never cursed, nor swore, nor drank drop since It was made; it never did anything wrong. HARD ON BOB
 never uttered sentence in my life to prove that the Bible was true. 1 never spent five minutes in my life trying to prove there was hell. l never spent fifteen seconds in the pulpit Tn my life trying to prove there is q God. Nobody but q fool needs such argument. DRUNKEN CHRISTIANITY. I tell you I hate this thing you call drunkenness, and no man hates it more than I do, but had rather nave member of the church who would get drunk every or 4months, but would work when he was sober and do his level best, than one of these sober fellows that ain't any account anyhow, that might just as well be drunk or just as well be dead.
 PROGRESSIVE EUcHRE DAMNED.
 And I say another thing. There is no progressive euchre player in this house that ought not to be in dicted for violating the laws of Mis- souri and be put in one of the jails of the county. How do you like that? IL is just gambling scientifically, magnificently, gloriously, socially, and so forth. That's what it is.
 AWAY FROM HOME.
 There is many fellow that is a good Christian in St. Louis, but If he were to wear an indicator when he went to New York, when he got back hls wife would quit him in my candid judgment.
 RED LICKER AND THE CHURCH. Red liquor and Christianity won't stay in the same hide at the same time.
 THEORETICAL INFIDEL. while Bob Ingersoll is sort Of theo retical infidcl, that gets $l ,500 . night for being one, and you hack here. like fool, are one for nothing and beard yourself.
 GODS ELECTED.
 You all do the co operating and God will do the indorsing, and then we will be elected by large ma jorlty.
 ST. PAUL 4 CRANK.
 And if St. Paul was to preach in St. Louis to-day, he would be telc graphed all over America as the greatest religious fanatic that ever made track in this country.
 SAW A sPooK.
 l got a good square look at myself sixteen years ago, and have thought more of every nigger l met since than 1 do of myself.
 RATTLE THE DRY BONES.
 While 1 am here in St. Louis, God Almighty helping me, I'll give thls old town an airing before leave her.
 WARNING TO THE DECENT.
 Now, all the decent people ought to be out of town during the airing, but it's going to be odoriferous. You can put that down.
 DANCING IN TIE DARK. Go intoa ball room with your Christ ian light. It will go out. It won't burn there.
 NUT FOR DIR. TUDOR.
 If Dr. Tudor has dancing, theater- going goddess members, it is his own fault, and God will hold him respon- sibic for it. I would not have that sort of cattle in my church forty eight hours.
 SAW A snow.
 Put the Lord Jesus Christ by you in thcater and see how he looks at certain things said in that theater. and there are Methodists in this h.'use, and members in all the churches that patronize those places, and if they were to go into your par Ior the next day and say the things they heard there the night before, you would kick them over your frcnt gate.
 A MoRTGAGED NOSE. And there are women in St. Louis 1 that will go and hear things in the theater whose tendencies are the most vulgar of the vulgar, and sue will be tickled all over. and she will 1 come to the church and she will have her poor little nerves all shock ed to pieces at something Sam Jones ! says, and she will turn up her nose at me, and can always tell when the devil has mortgage on wo mans nose. It is always turning up Loud laughter and applause. And he IS gong 10 foreclose 1t some of these days, too, sister. and he will | get the gal when he gets tue nose. !
 LOOSEN 'EM UP.
 1 want 10 get your hide looscne,I < up. Sometimes the curry. comb is worth more than the corn m . hide