Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-10-07
NEWSPAPER WIT.

NlSITOR-'AnO your 1unny HILL HAS
committed suicide?" Editor-'Yes."
V-"Poison Emo. Cut his jo-
cular vein. "-BOston Courier.
A SUBSCRIBER asks an exchange
''When is the best time to marry?"
Mr.. Enpeque says the best time for
such a ceremony is on the 31st OF Feb
ruary Herald.
THERE is g. man in HObOken who
has failed in business so many times
that his friends offer odds that when
he pays his debt to nature he won't
pay over twenty cents on the dollar
Puck.
"MY wife is really getting compli-
mentary," remarked Fogg. "Ah lhow's
that? ?" asked Brown. "Why she came
mighty near speaking Of my beautiful
raven locks" "How near, for in
stance?" "Why, she said my head
looked like crows nest"
BANK director-How are the cash
ier's accounts? Bank president-Why
do you ask? Director heard yes
terday that he had lately been vac
clnated. President-Well, what of
that? Director-They have small
pox in Montreal just now-Puck.
"WHAT is that butter made off,"
asked a boarder. "Don't you think
it is good?" mildly responded the
landlady, in Yankee style. II should
say not" well, you don't know
what you are talking about" 81 ad-
NIT it." calmly replied he.-OH City
Blizzard.
"ToMNIY, is your sister Clarinda in 2"
'Mebby she is, and mebby she amt.
What's your name?" "Why do you
ask" 'tWaal, We see, she said if Mr..
Tompkins called she'd be in, but if
old Cruikshank came she'd be out.
Which be your" Mr. Cruikshank de-
parted. Chicago News.
DID you attend church, my daugh-
ter?" Eyes, papa" Glow did you
like the sermon? '' "Well, the minister
stuck to his text, and | must say, de-
livered a very cheerful though some
what unreasonable discourse /" ''What
was the text?" "'Many are cold, but
few are frozen. ''-IndianapoiS Her
aid.
Mr.. THDIBLEFULL, after making an
exhaustive search all over the front
door of his residence with the key of
his office safe, sinks down in despair.
''Well, F." he says, ITS no kind of use.
Only way en- see to remedy the mar
rer, is for builders t. make tn kevhole
bigger n ia door. Hic l''-BroOkIyn
Eagle.
AMATEUR actor (who played Ham
let) "How were you pleased with our
entertainment, Miss Smith 20 Miss
Smith Ca truthful girD: "Well-er Mr..
Fresh, | am sorry to say it, but [
wasn't altogether pleased" Amateur
very much surprised): sis it posi-
BILE? | thought you admired Shakes
peare.'
Two men were discussing material
used for building purposes, and among
the rest laths. Commenting on the
tact that the price Of laths was COM
9aratively high, one of them remarked:
I don't see what in the world keeps
aths up" when a third party, who
never let's a chance 60 when he sees it,
made the simple reply: malls"
"AND so it's a sore throat you've
,ot, madam? And have ye ever had
one before?" ooh, yes, often"
And what did We do for it ?" ooh,
sometimes one thing, and sometimes
another" "And did We get rid Of it
hat way?" ooh, yes" ''Then I'd
ust advise veto do what ye've always
lone, and maybe you'll get rid of it
again
LITTLE Bess-'My dollie was awful
sick last night" Little "What
aused it -" "Well, we had veal Gull
yerts for supper, an guess she over
oaded her stomach" E'Bess, my dolly
sn't well neither. l feed her cookies,
IN they might have been poisoned,
you know" "Good gracious! I'd
i've her some kind of anecdote at
once. philadelphia, Call.
~ WANT to look at some pictures"
said Mrs. Stockandbond to hedealer.
Certainly, madam" replied the dealer
deferentially. "Now, there is 81 fire
painting that | think would please
you. 1t is of the pre-Raphael school,"
The picture suited Mrs. Stockandbond,
and she bought it. Now she tells her
friends that it was painted by an ar
tist of the name of Preraphael.
WIFE TAT late hour)-Well, where
in the world have you been? Hus-
band-To tell you the (hic) truth, M
dear, some of the (hic) boys at the
office gone way on (hic) vacations, y
know, an an short-handed y UNI
stan an I've bee-been film vacancy.
Eats homes truth, M dear, s'help me.
Wife-You seem to have filed the va
cancy pretty full.-NeW York Times.
''DEAR me, it is raining, Mrs. Brad
nail. You can't 90 out in the wet.
Won't you stay to tea ?" "No,
thanks; | must be getting home"
"Wen, anyway, you must wear my
rubbers." "No, thank you, Mrs. Hop
kins, it isn't raining much and besides
| haven't any strings to tie them on
with" After the door was closed Mrs.
Hopkins said she wished the mean old
thing would catch her death Of cold
Chicago News.
A New YORKER in looking for rooms
for winter quarters struck a good
looking landlady on Shawmut Avenue,
and, after terms were arranged, re-
marked that he wanted something hot
for supper, and was met with the re-
ply they always had it. On taking
10 c+ a slim lOolz