Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1885-02-06
FUN

SteAQ OF men. IL must % nODl0 Slkut W
see one of those dark eyed females in the
ring racing mad bull, but how different
would be the scene if one of our American
girls should attempt it. The sight would
bring tears to eyes that never wept before.
II any one has ever seen an American
girl climb rail fence at sight of COW in
an adjoining field they can form some idea
of what she would do if brought face to
face with a mad bull. No wall would be
too high for her to climb, and you can
gamble On it that she wouldn't let any
grass grow under her feet while getting
into the next county. OF course, there
are some girls, like Lulu Hurst, for in
stance, who would take bull by the tail
and toss him over the fence, but the ma
jorlty of them would want to 20 home to
their ma.-Peck's Sun.
The following is vouched for by brother
editor, and Notwithstanding his general
reputation for veracity is. without doubt,
true. An elderly and we'll known gentle.
man Of Boston, who, while he likes to sit
at the convivial board, will not touch any
thing spirituous, devoting all his attention
to the tactical fluid, was invited out the
ether evening by party of choice spirits.
4 huge milk punch had, however, been
prepared for him, and when he was asked
what beverage he would prefer, his reply
was as usual: "Well, I guess I'll take a
little milk" The punch was brought, and
all eyes were turned toward him to note
the effect. Raising the glass he took a
sip, and then another; at the third. how
ever, he drained the tumbler, smacked bis
lips, and looking lovingly at the empty
glass, observed: "Great Caesar what
COW !''-Boston Post.
''That young Mr.. Smith is an awful
fool. Do you know what he did when we
were on the boat ?'' mo, what did he
do ?" "He obtained a whisk- broom and
attempted to brush the whitewash, as he
called it, off my back" Nothing very
foolish about that" "Not if it had been
whitewash, but you see it was nothing
but my corset showing through my
jersey"
a i
Cured to him that he ought to have the
help Of one or more of his fac boys. Lift
ing up his voice he called, hut not boy
appeared. At dinner, of course. all ap-
peared and it was not necessary to call
them. "Where were you about two hours
ago, when wanted you and shouted for
your" Il WAS in the shop settin' the
saw" said one. 81 was in grandma 8
room settin' the clock" said the second.
Il was 10 the ba IN settln' a hen, }" said the
third. 81 was in the garnet settin' the
trap. said the fourth. ''You are re-
markahle set," remarked the farmer.
"And where were your" he continued,
turning to the youngest. II was on the
doorstep settin' still.
MUST SHE ALWAYS "HUsH. IA very
little girl, who is also a very noisy one,
asked her mother the other day with all a
child 3 simplicity: mamma when little
girls die they 60 to heaven, don't they 7"
"Yes, DEAR" replied the mother ssAnd
dol'd they have wings and white robes ?'
Yes" ''And Crowns :" Yes 'sAnd
harps ?'' Eyes, dear' Then after
long meditative pause, in very solemn
manner: Twill they let them play the
harps p
II have read every book in my husbands
library. 1 really don't know what to do
for something to read, said newly-mar-
ried woman to friend. ''Why don't you
get another husbandp" was the reply of
the other party, who had some experience.
The above is said to have occurred in Bos-
ton.
'Janey," of the Second Ward, asks:
"Why does my lover always kiss me with
one side of his mouth I" 1--WE don't know
mich about this kind of business, Janey.
Maybe he uses the other side of his mouth
for the other girl. There is nothing like
keeping good edge on and having things
even.''
Religious young man to skeptical young
lady" You know, Miss Honey. in the
Bible it is stated that even the hairs OF
our head are all numbered" Skeptical
young lady to religious young man
Well. Mr.. Bundle, suppose that means
the hairs also of ayoung man g mustache,
doesn't 1t ?" giving him wicked and sar
castle glance.
"Will you help ne press some leaves p
the maiden asked her lover. elf you will
fasten them in your waist-belt I'll zee
what can do" he answered. And thus
. popular method of pressing autumn
leaves was invented.
PERFECT HARMONY.-A fashionably
dressed lady. accompanied by a distin-
Ruished looking gentleman, called at the
Office of prominent Austin lawyer, who
asked:
"What can do for you2'
81 want to obtain divorce from my
husband here" said the lady,
"And want to obtain a divorce from
her just as badly as she does from me-,
said the husband.
"Where such perfect harmony of senti.
ment exists between husband and wife the
law provides no adequate remedy. You
had better 60 back and live together until
you disagree with each other more than
you do ct present and then perhaps 1 can
do something for you."
''Five Bedford (Pa.) women, four Of |
whom are grandmothers, have set an ex-
ample to their sex by walking from Bed
ford to Everett. eight miles, in three |