Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-01

v
and also injurious, as the fumes rising
from the dyed cloths and feathers are
poisonous.
An EngIishman's Experience on Our
Railways.
Cincinnati Enquirer
"Yaas, blawsted roomy country. I
shouldn't call it country, either; I
should call it q world, We know. But
cawn't you regulate your railroads in
America What I mean is, cawn't
you ave an official railway map with
the government seal-something re-
liable for foreigners, we know, and
stop these blawsted fakirs with their
bloody maps and hair lines?"
The reporter inquired whether the
travelled Englishman had suffered
morally, mentally or physically beS
cause of the American dispensation
regarding railroad maps and air lines.
'FWell, fancy, We know! In Chica-
go, at the Grand Pacific, man asks
for ticket to Cincinnati, and all the
reply he gets is Big FOur?' At first,
ye know, I fancled the booking hagent
had mistaken me for one of your Big
Four minstrels, and WAS properly
hinsulted."
You certainly don't look like
burnt cork comedian"
"Rayther not, ye know; and the
booking hagent did the quite correct
apology, and explained about the rail
way attachments of the four big Cit
es indicated on his bloody map. I
ope never to see another st. Leger run
if the Large Four Railway wasn't
laid down on a dead straight bangle
of forty<fve degrees between Chicago
and Cincinnati. It looked on the
bloody map to be the only railway
connecting the two cities, and I book
ed that way, ye know"
mice road, too"
''Yaas; but presently found my
self in Chicago again at the Palmer
Case. and when [ asked for Cincin-
natl ticket the hagent impudently oh,
served: I sci lover the Panhandle
Go that way?' And when Inquired
whether it was the Big Four Pan
handle, the hagent replied: big
-Four hell! See here, the Panhandle
is the route you want. Why, the Big
-Four runs way round by Kankakee
We make the connection straight
Then he flashed his bloody map with
q big black line on dead straight
angle of forty i've degrees between
Chicago ana Cincinnati, and said
Panhandle was tie Indian name for
pet route, ye know"
you patronized the Panhandle. {"
"Yaas."
''Nlce road?'
"Yaas, but low about the bloody
maps? All ave got hair lines? Com
ing Christmas time was in Chicago
at the fremont, and ] said TO the
booking agent there: Which hever
of the two lines to Cincinnati is the
shorter-the Big -Four Or the Pan
Handler Neither, sir; you want the
Monon; it's the favorite route; not
only takes you through an 'andsome
country, but it's a hair line Demme,
sir, [ 'ope never to see Lunnun'
Bridge if he didn't unfold another
bloody map with another blackline
at a bangle of forty five degrees con-
Meeting the two Cities"
''You took the Monon2"
''Yaas."
pleasant road?"
Yes, but 'ow about the bloody
maps? 'Ow many hair lines ave ye?
As remarked this is a roomy coun-
try, you know. It as to be. The
stock of Chicago 'otel liars would
crowd any country on the other side.
At the Sherman 'Ouse the booking
hagents showed me another bloody
map. I told i'm my experience with
the other booking blokes. Look ERE =
said e, my friend, do you want to go
to Cincinnati the way the crow flies 2
'Yaas.' Then you must take the c..
AND A. We skip you through Lima,
shoot you straight down and save you
time, trouble and expense. Try the
balrline once The bloke 'ad bloody
map, the same bangle of forty-ive
degrees. Ere it is. 'Ere's the rest of
the collection"
The travelled Englishman displayed
an immense package of railroad litera-
ture, the bullying bulk Of which sug-
gested at least 81 worth of Confeder-
ate script.
Find the A. and P. route all
right2"
"Yaas, but I also found more liars
Ia Chicago. Demme, sir, the A. and
B., the B, and G., the Fl. and L, the
J. and K, they all ave liars, bloody
maps. and hair lines at the same han
gle. I like your freedom ere. sir,
but IN Gawd's name 'ow is it? 'Ow is
it your Government permits the pub.
ication of 'alf an 'undred hair line
maps, hall laid out on the same ham
gle. leading to the same city, ye know?
Tow is it?"