The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1885-05-21
TRIBUNETS.

Whatever Kansas people do have is likely to
be bigger better livelier than other peoples.
Their corn is so tail that it takes man and boy
to to the top of some of the stocks, and their
grasshoppers not only eat up every shred of the
tobacco in the patches. but sit on the fences and
beg chews of the passers-by. So we prepared
for this announcement by q Kansas paper as to the
severity of the rheumatism in the State "As We
go to press we learn of very singular and unusual
occurrence. John Conaway has been afflicted dur
ing the Winter with rheumatism, and on Wednes-
day night, while laboring in fit of eramping. the
bones in and both legs were actually
broken and crushed by the contraction of the
cles"
An Arizona man who subscribed for religious
paper sone time ago sent letter to the editor to
stop it, in which he said 1--WE find The ella Hc,cier
our local paper, much lvelier than your old milk
and-water affair. Besides, you haven't played a
square game in your ads My wife bought pair
of the corsets you advertised. and blamed if they
didn't bust in three weeks, and we them now
to mend the chicken coop took half dozen OF
the dead-shot pills you pulled up in a reading no.
tice week before last. and the next day / so
sick that all the doctors iii the town published bull
letins about my approaching death, ana the boys
said had the jim jams. For these reasons have
determined to quit your paper and read The Hoauter
only. As know it always lies, unless it is paid to
tell the truth, it can't lead me into temptation"
Louisville Courier-Journal:
Than be a noted doctor
I'd rather be dancer;
I'd hate to have em saying
i didn't know a cancer.
SaginG,r (lfici) Fers A good deacon OF one OF
our city churches meandered along of the docks
yesterday, and noticing a crowd of boys fishing he
began to reProve them for breaking the Sabbath.
In the middle of his harangue he stopped suddenly
| 10, Ipo br,t, q,
a small boy whose attention had been distracted
from his line Human nature was too strong for
him.
Teras Sifings: "What is the matter?" asked an
Austin doctor of n thin young man named Anter-
son Pye. 81 think the climate of Austin does not
agree with me- have great trouble breathing with
my lungs" "You would have great deal more
trouble breathing without your lungs" responded
the doctor; whereupon Anderson Pye got up and
adjourned and now he tells every that the
doctor does not understand his business.
ST. James Go=ette:
The Admiralty Lords, although offending,
Command our pity in their sorry plight;
Their dissolution clearly is impending;
Blown up by Tennyson and dynamite.
Detroit Free Press: What You in mourning! "
she exclaimed as she entered the car and caught
sight of acquaintance. YES" Some one
dead?" Yes" Dead and buried eh?n YES ~
well, that's too bad. Died of pneumonia, / sup
pose?" "No-of brain fever" Dear me, but
that's awful, How do you like my new hate"
The new conner ratified on in this fashion for %
minutes and then left the car As it started again
after leaving her the crosswalk, she made vigor-
Gus motions to the conductor. and when lie had
brought the vehicle to a halt she said - Won't you
please ask that lady friend of mind IL it was her
husband or one of the children who died. 1 forgot
to find out!" She didn't find out on that trip.