The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-17
HUMOR.

A COW has two ups, out cowsilps ana
tulips are not at all similar. Merchant
Traveller.
A CYCLONE is like a waiter. 1t car
ries everything before it.-Carl Pref
zePs Weekly.
A RESTAURANT patron, like dead
eagle. is measured from slip" to "tip."
BARRIERS Gazette.
WHEN the heart is full the lips are
silent; when the man is full it Is differ
ent.-Te.ras Strings.
TT isn't to be relied upon that every
pharmacist would make a good farm
assistan Yonkers Gazette.
"BE it ever so humble, there's no
place like home," sing the disappointed
office-seekers. -BrOOkly7l Times
GIVE the devil wide berth, and he
will give the VIDE berth reserved for
you to another. White Hall Times.
MARX TWAIN is said to come of
long-lived race. Many OF his Jokes
show their paternity and have family
characteristic. -BOs tom Times.
The longest word used in Eliot's In
dian Bible is Observation-Disclosures
ookwehtunkquoh. Ii makes a first
class clothes line.-St Paul Herald.
A CORRESPONDENT writes us 500
words on postal card, announcing that
she has just recovered from an attack
of failing health. Our attack has just
come on.-Chicago Current
A SCIENTIST studied geology.
His wife studied paleontology:
Their children detest
Trilobites and the rest,
But with hook and line learn ichthyology.
-YOutt's Companion.
The new Bible expression, o sheol,
may do for the clergy to expatiate
upon, but it can never be recalled like
the old word when man uses his
thumb-nail for screw-driver. -Neac-
man Independent.
ARE you going for business or
pleasure?" said a gentleman to his
friend about to depart for Paris. For
pleasure. "Does your wife accompany
you?" 81 told you l was going for
pleasure. "-BOstOn Post.
ARE your windows open toward
Jerusalem?" asked a representative of
the Salvation Army addressing ayoung
man. well, guess So" was the re-
ply; there's row of pawnbrokers'
shops right opposite our house. '-BoS-
tom Courier.
| A SCIENTIST says that the number of
stars seen by the naked eve is not more
than 1000. All the same, there are
occasions, when a man is willing to
wager that he saw $50, 900, 900, 900 stars
with the naked eye--to say nothing OF
q few million comets and meteors.-
NorristolCn Herald.
NEVER go back" advises a writer;
what you attempt, do with all your
strength" How about man who has
attempted to catch train but failed?
Is he never to go back? Must he wait,
no matter how long, for the next one?
All, we fear that abstract philosophy is
scarcely applicable to the events of our
concrete existence.-LOOeU Citizen.
"CALI again." said the man to the grocer,
| You must call some otheI day.
And the grocer quietly folded the bill
| And silently stole away.
Now, wonder" thought the grocer,
| Il, he 3 busted and cannot pay.
He certainly seems to be honest;
It's too bad to be that way.
The grocer went with his wife that night
| 10 see a two-shillng play,
And in the hve-doiar private box
| Sat the man who could not pay.
Toledo 1meT'ican.
| HER SILENCE.
She moves in n mysterious way,
| Ignoring callers, day by day:
| With firm resolve and solemn face,
| With quiet air and queenly grace.
| Following up each nrm endeavor,
Seldom conycrslng-smlllng never
Her meals she crunches all alone,
| What, think you, ma <es this maiden fair
Move with a sa1 and solemn ar?
Why does she never smile again
On aught in range I mortal ken?
| Ask OF her dentist, he can tell.
ne understands her reason wei:
He knows what all her grief's about
All her FRONT teeth have been pulled outl
l-Chica0O Weekly Sui.
| pDnwN Rpu.n