Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-09-12

half WY round the ring. I'll swow, l saw
more funny things than | can tell in o
month, and l shouldn't wonder but III be
busy most all fall tellin the boys about it;
specially the racin' Say, did you ever see
such time? 1t just tickled me to see
them fellers a fyin' around like mad, and
then comm up in front of
THE TELLER THAT RUN THE BELL RoPE
and kick an kick. tell you l Just snick-
cred right out when l saw that constable q
follering' the boss Kirby around srter the
second heat in the trot like he thought some
one would steal him. Dog my buttons but
did have time trying to git place 10
see. | started up the steps in the big
bildin', but some fellow stopped me and
wanted q quarter. Then started over the
road, but teller stopped me
ard said / couldn't go over but
another man called him and | jist
skipped into door under the place where
the teller Was pullin the bell, and then met
a real Bice teller. He was Just drinkin
out of bottle when come in and he
looked kinder surprised like, but he shook
hands and asked me TO take a little cough
medicine was feelin' bit a husky like
aud took little, and by mighty it was
list like the apple brandy brought along
for cramps We took Ii tie more, sn5
then ! asked the TELLER who had the bottle
who he was. He was town man, and I'll
give you tip he was great. asked him
if be minded goin around little and he
said no, so we started, and we
JIsT LAID OURSELVES OUT
10 have good time, and if we didn't have
a bumkin spuint old day of it, I'll heat my
hat. What'd we do? What didn't we do?
I'm kinder 'shamed to tell it, but in the first
place we emptied our pocket companion,
and that kinder made US feel good, you
know, and several glasses of that terrible
coed Wheeling beer just put US on high
horse. Fun Why, We throwed base balls
at little wooden babies, tried our lungs on
BLOWN machine, hit that thing they call
Yankee Boy saw the side show and end
ed up by drinkin'
SOME RED LEMONADE.
Wasn't that great lay out? Gosh it was
i'm mense. | think the last lemonade had
bad effect on US, howsomeever, because me
and my pard went down there by the grand
stand and heerd man talkin about TWEEN
ty five to five, and winnin' yer money back
tive fur ore, so we jest tried 1t and the man
Civ Us little piece of pasteboard with
priptin on it, but drst the tsrnal luck, We
out our shin plaster on the wrong creetur,
cause he come in come hundred yards be
hiud. Don't say that though, cause the
folks down in my neighborhood is awful
takers and they might have me churched
That would be awful.
Say speakin about deceptive things,
.hough. AFTER that race went over to see
that purity little jacksss, and was lookin
at him from behind, when the dodgasted
little fool let fly one OF his hinders and al
nest knocked the face off me. His pesky
boots hit me square on the specks
and broke EN- all to finders
knocked the daylights outer me
cause | couldn't halt see all afternoon
but got a new pair when | came over tt
Town
"Say, you know that 'shockin masheen
down tnere-that thing what has handle.
on it. When you ketch hold the man by
he steam guage just turns on the stun ano
sou begin 10 feel like needles was stickiu
sou all over. Well was comm past there
about o'clock and big man with a blue
suit, ribbon on his vest and sideburners
on his face was talkin' TO the little mai
who run the fake, and grabbed his masheen,
when the little teller he just swung around
bis right hoot awful risky like and every
lime it struck the big man felt it under hls
coat tail. Gosh that was circus. 1t was
more fun tran you kin shake a stick al.
"Wimmen folks are queer kinder Greet
urs, but tell you, boys, | never seed so
many purity girls in one lot as | did yester-
daT. used ter think our Wetzel county
asses took the potato, but have changec
my mind, although we kin show lots OF tln'
gals down in our kentry. The Wheeling
gals is especially purity, and (tee! he! he
Don't tell soul, will YouO | am kinder
mashed On one Of 'en.Gand as my old wo
mai been dead nigh onto three year, VIII,
[ think III make this creetur Mrs. Squash.
Say. boy. don't put it in the paper, anc
Iii send YOU an invite 10 the weddin.
At this juncture our talkatiye rura
friend began to show signs Of sleepiness
from the immensely OF the day, so tb'
crowd left, promising to see him at the Fair
,c-day, SITTER making him promise to be
there.