Connecticut western news., 1885-06-24
HUMOROUS.
The skating rink barks a multitude

1hs @n"sAAb AafA %'''e@ W of shins.
 'T second the motlon," said tho smallest hand on the watch.
 "Jane. 1t is just II o'clock. Tell that young man to shut the door from the outside"
 "It is a very solemn thing Co got married" said Flipkins to his daugh- ter. "Yes, but it is a great deal sol emner not to-" she replied.
 A Galveston hotel was wrecked by the boiler blowing up. The boiler got tired of having the clerk do all the blowing up about the place
 A railroad man who married happi- Iy, referred to his condition as the Union Pacific.
 "Papa why do the little pigs get so much milk2" "Because we want them to make hogs of themselves"
 "All woman asks is to be loved,' says philosopher. True; and all a man asks is well-cooked meals.
 It was a western market reporter who put this into type; "Flour is still high, but 1t Isn't as deer as doe" A cyclone resembles a woman, be- cause when it make up its mind to 90 somewhere all earth can't stop it.
 The Princess of Wales is said to bc an enthusiastic angler. She Is hkeA wise a successful one. Several years ago she caught Wales.
 Doctor-"For dinner take forty-hve minutes" Timid patient-"Would 1t be dangerous to add a piece of meat and some vegetablesP"
 A bright story in grammar is told of a little school girl. "Quarrel," shs parsed, "ls plural" "WhyP" "BS- cause-why, it takes two to mako one"
 "Grandpa, dear. VIC have come to wish you many happy returns of your birthday, and mamma says if you give us each dollar, we are not to lose it on our way home"
 "oh, why should the spirit of mo tai be proud9" Give it up-unloss it be that he has humbugged his wife into thinking there isn't another man in the world like him.
 "There are good and bad points about this coffee" said the boarder, in a tn- diclal tone, "The good is, that there is no chickery in it; Che bad, that there is no coffee In it"
 Landlady-"The pipes arc burst and the water is all over the houte- Boarder-"Yes, Two noticed it" Landlady-"Did you2 Wherep" Boarder-"In the soup"
 There is one respect in which fash ionable young ladies and old her ring firshmen are exactly alike-they both spend the greater part of their time bragglng about last years catch
 What do you think of my nous tacheY asked young man of his girl. "oh. it reminds mo of a Western frontier city" was the answer. "ln what respect pray9" Because the survey is large enough, but the settlers are struggling"
 It is announced as a singular fact that the male mosquito never bitc1 He remains in dIgnined retirement while the busy female goes out for blood. But scientists win have good deal of trouble Co convince people, of some localities that the whole family does not engage in the amusement
 Bobby laboriously lugged pail into the parlor. where the family was as- sembled and asked his maternal grand mother to kick it. "why should I kick 1t, Bobby9" grandma inquired in amazement "Just Co amuse pc" said Bobby. "He said he would give tl0 any time to see you kick the bucket 7
 Doctor-"You say your wife is not feeling well. What are he symptoms Is her tongue coatedg" Bass--"rcll you the truth, doctor, didn't think it was safe to meddle with that. didnst want to ask her to put her tongue out, you know, for the very last time we had little chat, her tongue put me out"
 Tho drcary, weary croakori
 Win have to dlo so,no dayi
 Perhaps hon go 10 Heaven
 And walk the golden wayg
 But when tho shining pavemonts
 His gloomy escs behold,
 Ho'll shake his head and muttori
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