Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-12-17
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
az think I'm the unluckiest man in
town." said a husband to his wife.
/" Smith has owed me Ave dollars for
me to day." "Didn't he pay 2" she
asked auxiously. " Yes, he paid; but
while he was In the act Of giving me
the money, Brown came in-you know
I've owed Brown Ave dollars for more
than . year-and, Of course, had to
turn the money over to him. That's
what call hard luck p
az tell you. Bromley, I've married
an anael,' "Oh, no doubt 10 Wait
until you've been married as long as
nave" "Shs's all smiles, Bromley
never Cross word. Her voice 10 as
sweet Is the sound Of q harp. Her"
"Oh, che reminds you Of harp, does
she? Within year she'll remind you
| OF an accordeor." "Why OF an accor.
deon?" "Bscause she'll make the
! most noise when you attempt TO shut
her up"
A Brooklyn man who is building
himself q home, stood in front Of the
half fnlshed structure the other day,
when stranger accosted him with
" Are you the owner ?" Yes SIR"
" How do you propose to heat your
house ?" I" With mother in law, cir"
/" Perfectly satisfactory, 4" stammer-
ed the stranger, as he passed on to
dodge around the corner.
Pa: ;" / do not like that young man,
and wish he would keep away"
Daughter: I" He does not come very Of.
ten." Every often He 10 here nearly
every evening and sometimes In the
AFTERNOON" But, pa. he never comes
in the morning." mo; wish he
would" You do ?" q Yes. IT he
could once see you in the morning, he
would never come again."
Little Mabel asked her father one
day TO taste q most delicious apple.
What remained was ruefully inspected
q moment, when she asked: Do you
know, papa, how l can tell you are big
without looking a. you?" cannot
say" WAS the reply. can tell by
the bite you took out Of my apple" was
the crushing answer.
is to-day your birthday, Mr.. Cling
gerbrat asked j Johnny OF . young man
in the psrlor. No, Johnny. Why do
you ssk?"" Because sister is going TO
make you present.; she said 30 T"
I" Indeedl WHAT did she say?"
She said you'd been com.
ling here long enough and that she'd
lgive you the mltten Tonight"
| Wife Con board train bound for
niagara Falls): there are 30 many
bridal couples abont, dear, perhaps we
Inay be taken for one." Husband
|" No danger. A gentleman asked me
Ia little while ago IL | was your first or
second husband" Wife: =" What
Iwbers is hep" Husband: he got Of
at the last station"
The colonel: Great Casarl another
hat? you are the most extravagant wo.
Imam in America. Why believe you
have got different hat for everv day In
1.-The week" Mrs. Colonel: why OIL
lone for every day In the week, but none
for Sunday. l want a finer one for Sun.
lday."
Belkins Ito his friend Cobbleton):
hear that you have married your
ed You to 30 lower yourself?" Well, i,
was this way; owed her for washing
She said that IL didn't pay her abe
would sue me. Married her to prevent
litigation. Now the'llnever get a:pen-
: my"
Wife Ito her husband, who is arraug.
ling his papers,: What have you got
there In this parcel?" Husband: "They
lare the dear "Reminiscences of our we'd
lding-tour." Wife: Oh, You sweet
Icresturel Pray, what kind Of remini
sciences are they?" Husband: They
are hotel bills!"
Papa (soberly) That was quite q
|, monstrosity you had in the parlor last
: evening ?" Maud (nettled) Indeed
!. That must depend upon ones under
/ standing the term 'monstrosity. -
!. Papa (thouehtfully) Well, two
heads on one pair OF shoulders, for ex'
smple."
"Mr. Tart, / have written somt
verses on my dog; would you like Il
hear them ?'' "Oh, don't trouble your
self TO read them, Mr.. Muse. just le
= me know what part Of the dog they ar
! written on, and will visit the kenne
Isome day and read them myself"
-, Nov tell me truly, professor, wha
do you think Of my voice ?" asked littl'
( Miss Macscreecher. after giving thu
professor q specimen of her vocaliza-
Ition. "Oh, my dear Mees Macscree
cher" replied the polite professor, "
1couldn't be 30 rude As dat II
X 81 say, Bobby" whispered Feather
Ily, twas your sister pleased to learl
"a that had called upon l,er ?" " Yes, In
deed she was" replied Bobby. Whei
mother told her that Mr.. Featherly hat
called while she WAS out she said
Thank Heaven.
"Are your domestic relations agree
{, able?" was the question put 10 an un
happy looking specimen Of humanity
"Oh, my domestic relations are al
right" was the reply. " It'ss m,
, wife's relations that are causing tn
y trouble"
She ST don't like my bonnet no,
that I've got it. 1t don't match m
d. hair at ALL" "You ought to hav
~ though. of that before You bouah
" it." She: Ny bonnet?" He:" Nc
=Iyour hair"
N "You see," said Blooms to his sweet
@ heart, in describing how he stepped o
q . lady's train and tore It, ~ lost m
NJ head. you know |" ibid you mil
~ a. ,.x,oh 9u aha nu ariad