The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-04-30

A Barber-ous Tale.
~Did you ever have your hair cut by
o barber who was violin-player in an
orchestral"
We were obliged to confess that we
had never had that experience.
"Then you are in luck" continued
the young man. @Ever since the day
when the slightest approach to fuzz
commenced to ornament my upper lip
and blend with the peach bloom of my
cheeks, and it was almost necessary to
get out q search warrant to find mus
tache on my youthful face, have been
q patron of one of our prominent barber
shops. During the few years that have
elapsed since the days when had to
carry the necessary papers to prove to
the knights of the razor that was en-
titled to be shaved and was not an es-
capped lunatic, / have never had
occasion to complain of the treatment
received at the hands Of the proprietors
OF the tonsorial parlors or their efficient
employees until few days ago. From
the time / first learned of q man who
had his throat cut by barber in O
moment of emotional insanity, 1 have
deemed it policy to treat the manipula-
tor of razor with the utmost respect,
especially while being operated upon,
and would advise all others to follow
my example, as it may be the means of
saving their life. But / degrees.
II entered the pleasant apartments oc-
cupied by my friend, the barber. The
chairs were all filled but one, at the
rear end of the shop, and being some
What in hurry, did not stop to take
especial notice of the operator, but
wish now had looked before / leaped.
wanted my hair cut, and just as I got
comfortably seated in the chair, / cast
my eyes up into the mirror before me,
and IL was then that first beheld that
the operator was-well, he is one of the
proprietors of popular orchestra in
this section OF the country, and plays
the violin, and occasionally assists his
partner in prompting. He had been
out all night before playing for q coun-
try dance, which may have accounted
for the strange proceedings which fol-
lowed. He tucked the long bib neatly
around my neck, and waded in. For
the first five or ten minutes nothing un-
usual occurred, but standing in close
proximity to red hot coal stove made
my friend somewhat drowsy, and the
next time looked In the mirror, cav,
to my surprise, that his eyes were
closed, but so accustomed had he be-
came to his work, that he went on as
though nothing had happened. Sud-
denly he yelled out, Balance on the
head and simultaneously with the ex-
clamation, the sharp pointed shears
went something less than an inch into
my skull. tried to vacate the chair,
but he held one hand firmly on
my breast, and sang out again,
Down the center!' This time
he took side sweep as though
bearing down on the bass string,
and the shears clinched on the up
per corner of my left ear. About this
time my heart was in my mouth, and
visions of terrible crimes danced in
my head, but the more 1 exerted my
self to escape, the tighter became his
grasp, and the walls of the shop
echoed with Balance all, First
lady swing with the right-hand gent,
Lady in the center and seven hands
round Balance to corners Lady
to the right and gent to the left
Forward all, Join hands and circle
to the right Grand right and left.
1t seemed to me he was going through
the entire category of changes before
he let up. All this time, mind you,
his shears were keeping time with the
music, and he imagined the clippers
were bow and my head the violin. L
suppose, by his motion, that he could
see the fairy forms fitting about on the
ballroom floor. 1t was vile proceed
ing, admit, and, when he recovered
from the attack, my head resembled the
carcass of scalded hen, or the quilts
upon the back of fretful porcupine,
that Spokeshere sings about. Talk Of
a family man losing his hair Great
Caesars ghost, partner, if you want a
foretaste of the Internal regions mixed
up with an experience that will last you
a lifetime, get your hair cut some day
by barber who fiddles nights and cuts
hair in his sleep in the daytime. That
is what caused these court-plaster
patches on my head, and my prayer is
that the Wisconsin lawmakers will
this winter pass law making it State
prison offense for barber to play q
violin"
And our afflicted friend wiped tear
from his eye and accepted an invitation
to take bowl of beef tea in an adjoining
saloon.-JdnesUill Recorder.
Gloom Ahead.