The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-09-10
THE CHURCH DEBT.


the Life of an Eccentric Millionaire.
Ihave been thinking the matter over
seriously, and I have decided that if
had my life to live over again | would
like to be an eccentric millionaire.
l have eccentricity enough. but can
not successfully push it without more
means.
| have d great many plans which
would like to carry out in case I could
unite the two necessary elements for the
production of the successful eccentric
millionaire
Among other things would be will.
ing to bind myself, and give proper Sc
curlty to any one who would put in
money to Offset my eccentricity, that ]
would ultimately die We all know how
seldom the eccentric millionaire now
dies. would be willing to inaugurate
reform in that direction.
| think now that / would endow a
home for men whose wives are no longer
able to support them. In many cases
the wife who was at first able to sup
port her husband comfortably finally
shoulders church debt, and in irving
to lift that she overworks and impairs
her health so that she becomes an
invalid, while her husband is left to pine
away in solitude or dependent upon the
cold charities of the world.
My heart goes out toward those men
even now. and in case should fill the
grave of the eccentric millionaire, am
sure would do the square thing by
them.
The method by which our wives in
America are knocking the church debt
silly by working up their husbands
groceries into '.angel food, and selling
them below actual cost, is deserving of
the attention of our national financiers.
The church debt itself is deserving of
notice in thls country. 1t certainly
thrives better tnder a republican form
OF government tllan any other feature
of our boasted civilization. Western
towns spring up everywhere and the
first anxiety is to name the place, and
second to incur church debt and es-
tablish roller rink.
After that a general activity in trade
is assured. Of course, the general hos
tility of church and rink will prevent
ennui and listlessness, and the church
debt will encourage business boom.
Naturally. the church debt can not be
paid without what is generally known
through the West as the FESTIVAL and
hooraw. This festival is an open
market, where the ladies trade the
groceries of their husbands to other
ladies' husbands, and everybody has a
perfectly lovely time" The church
clears two dollars and thirty cents. and
thirteen ladies are sick all the next day.
This makes boom for the.physicians
and, later on, for the undertaken and
general tombist. So it will be seen that
the western town is right in establish
ing church debt as soon as the survey
is made and the town properly named.
After the first church debt has been
properly started, others willrapidly fol-
low, so that no anxiety need be felt ii
the church will come forward the first
year and buy more than it can pay for.
The church debt is a comparatively
modern appliance, and yet it has been
productive OF many peculiar features.
gyman who makes a speciality of going
from place to place as a successful debt
deInolisher. He is part of the gener-
al system, just as much as the ice-crean
freezer or the button-hole bouquet
Then there is the row, or social knock
down-and- -drag-out. which goes along
with the church debt. All these things
add to the general interest, and to ae-
quire interest in one way or another is
the mission of the C. d.
once knew most exemplary woman
who became greatly interested in the
Wiping out of a church debt, and who
did finally succeed in wiping out the
debt, butin its last expiring death strug-
gle it gave her wipe from which she
never recovered. She had succeeded in
begging the milk, and the cream, and
the eggs, and the sandwiches, and the
use of the dishes, and the sugar, and the
ban of an oyster. and theus of freez-
er, and about fifty button-hole bouquets
to be sold to men who were not in the
habit of wearing bouquets, but she
could not borrow circular artist to re-
volVe the crank of the freezer, so she
agitated it herself. Her husband had
to go away prior to the festivities, but
OA0OLOA AOA NV w Vi dIA bIlC lISCZ6Ts
He had very little influence with her,
however, and so to-day he is widower.
The church debt was revived In the fol-
lowing year, and now there isn't more
thriving church debt anywhere in the
country. Only last week the church
traded off seventy-five dollars worth of
groceries in the form of asbetos cake
and celluloid angel food, in such a way
that if the original cost of the groceries
and the work were not considered, the
clear profit was thirteen dollars, after
the hall-rent was paid. And why should
the first cost of the groceries be reck-
oned, when we stop to think that they
were involuntarily furnished by the
husband and fatherp
| must add, also. that in the above
estimate DOCTORS bills and funeral ex.
penses are not reckoned.-N. Y. Mer
curry.
AN idea Of the magnitude of the
cattle trade of the United States NAV be
easily estimated bv remembering that
in 1884 we exported $40. 600, 600 Of beef
and heef nr0duefa and that fbis wac