The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1885-10-10
ALL SORTS.

The HdwbeBe says: A West Hill
man got up in vague state of mind the
other morning, and feeling around in
the dark for his socks, got hold of his
wifo's striped stockings. When he
pulled them on and stretched them up
he felt so completely dressed that he
didn't think of putting on anything else,
but went incoming around until he
found a lamp, and fell to the floor in
fit Of terror at the sight of bis legs.
When they restored him to conscious
ness they couldn't make him believe
that the house hadn't been burglarized
by circus clown or an escaped convict,
because, he said, "Isaw him the minute
/ struck the match, just as plainly as |
see you now. Nobody's safe in these
awful times"
"A good anecdote is told of a house
painters son, who used the brush dex-
terously, but who had acquired the
habit of putting it on too thick. One
day his father, after having scolded him
for lavish daubing, and all to no pur-
pose, gave him severe flagellation.
There, you young rascal" after per-
forming the painful duty, chow do you
like that?" "Well, l don't know, but
it seems to me YOU put it on thunder
ing sight thicker than did," whined
the boy.
1t is the Burlington Hawkcye that
remarks as follows: Edward Everett
Hale rushed into print about it and
made great fuss, just because woman
he met didn't know anything about it.
If Edward had ever met the woman on
a railroad train who bounces you tor
your opinion on the powers of returning
boards and qualifications of electors, and
says that the results of the unofficial
canvass of the poll-books so cast do not
in any degree vitiate the certified re-
turns IN all states so polled, and the
elective franchise could by no means
inure to the decision of an electoral col
lege thus chosen, or otherwise not: and
browns the rattle of wheels in that strain
for the next fifty minutes, he would go
back to that woman who doesn't know
the difference between a commissioner of
highways and President of the U. S. and
marry her.
AT dinner party there were two
sisters present, one widow who had
just emerged from her weeds, the other
not long married, whose husband had
gone out to India for short term. A
young barrister present was deputed to
take the widow down to dinner. I'm
fortunately he was under the impression
that his partner was the married lady
whose husband had just arrived in
India. The conversation between them
began with the lady's remarking how
extremely hot it was. ''Yes, it is very
hot" returned the young barrister
Then happy thought suggested itself
to him, and he added, with cheerful
smile, "But not so hot as the place to
which your husband has gone" The
look with which the widow answered
this happy thought will haunt that
young barrister until the day of his
death.
One of our Nevada ranchers, says
the Reno, Nevada, Gazette, sent his
wife East to see the big show in Phila-
dclphia. and followed in about three
months himself. The worthy couple
stayed with relatives, about ten miles
from Philadelphia, for six weeks, and
upon returning to the land of the sage
brush was asked for particulars in re-
CARDS to the exhibition. "Well," said
he, "I'll tell you how it was. My wife
was visiting round afore l went, and
didn't get to the city, and when got
there brother Jim was just thrashing
his buckwheat, and they kept us so
busy helpin' 'em that didn't get to the
show at ALL"
Last Sunday morning Squibs and
friend were late in starting for church.
They stood on the corner and motioned
to the driver of an Eighth street car,
who looked right straight at them, and
then gave them lively chase of nearly
half block to reach the car ''Let us
off at Buttonwood," said they to the
conductor, and he bowed in very com
placent and condescending manner that
he would do so. The expression of his
face was such that all doubt was in
stantly set at rest. The first sound that
issued from his lips, however, was
Girard Avenue! a remonstrance elici-
ted, with the same confidential and bland
assurance, the information that the car
on Fifth street runs back across Button
wood. They reached the church just as
the service was out. "Do you know,
Squibs," said the doctor, "that | often
wonder what we should do without
these street cars. They are so conven-
lent this sloppy, bad weather; the con-
ductors are so obliging, gentlemanly,
thoughtful" Squibs was struggling in
his heart to remember the Sabbath
day.
Some little time ago a gentleman
bought for a few pence, at a bookstall
in London, an old book which was of
no particular value, but which he hap |
pened to want. It was bound in yellum
and by the lapse of time the skin had
become separated from the cardboard to
which it had originally been pasted.
On reaching home, and when about to
commence the perusal of his purchase,
he noticed something between the vel !
lum and the boards. Without much |
thought as to what he was doing, he un-
folded the vellum, when, to his great
delight, he saw what proved to be near
lV a whole mack of very rare and ancient |