National Republican., 1885-02-07
NEWSPAPER WIT.

A "chin.holder" has been invented. I'm
fortunately, 1t Is not intended for congressman.
u is designed for violin players.-NorristopR
Herald.
He.-I don't see Charley and Clara together
lately. She.--No, they've broken OIL Re,-
For good? She.-Yes, for her good.-Ponkers
| Statesman,
Don't be fooled. my boy. You can't bride a
womans tongue by brldaling her. 1t will
turn out just the other way in nine cases out of
ten.--Lot0eH Citizen.
"Here, waiter, take away these fried oysters;
they are bad" 81 know It,, sir; but we have
given you two more oysters than you called for
| TO make up for it."-Li0iei Mall
One of the currency cranks In the national
house complains that the currency "is too
| elastic" Well, when silver 50 cent piece
passes for dollarhe Is more than half right
HarVoH Post
South Main street woman was told the
| other day that a neighbor had "shuhled of
this mortal coll" She said she was very sorry
and hoped 1t wouldn't prove to DO anything
| permanent.-St. Adams Messenger.
"Might ask who lives here?' asked polite
gentleman of a stranger he met In front of a
handsome mansion. Certainly, SIR" as po.
iltely replied tho other. ''Who Is it, sirg' Pm
sure don't know" replied the stranger.
Gov. Adams of Nevada, happened to over;
haul an old coat the other day and found
So, 500 in one OF the pockets. He had forgotten
| all ABOUT tno money FROM lnG luCl tnul hON.
Adams could lose $500 without missing 1t, We
infer that he is an edltor.-TrOy Times.
Here lies the body of Sarah Jane Louder,
| Who died of taking Seidlitz powder,
| She did not take it In the way that was best,
She should have waited TIL II efleryesced.
| -IhRddtlDhld Ners.
Little Clara was taken with sudden, but not
think think / shall get weiIY Mother%Sof course
you will darling" Clara-"I don't think
shall, mammai and | guess rs best
| shouldn't Being under ., perhaps could get
| into heaven for half fare. boston Transcript
"Ahln said Sarcasticus TO his fellow boarder
VINO was shoyeling hash into his mouth with
| his knife "you must be descended from eth er
| the Athenlans or the Spartaus" you Halter
me-" blushingly responded :he putatiyc bar
distinguished ancestors@ because the use
of the fork at the table was unknown TO the
ancient Greeks "-NGU York Journal.
"There are some awfully mean men in this
city, and don't you forget II !, he said as he got
u fresh brace for his back against the dead
wall. anybody been swindling you p"
"Amounts TO the same thing The man next
| door To me didn't look out for his penstock
when the cold snap came on and the result
was Il tree2e.up which has lasted two weeks"
but how does that affect your Affect
| me! Why, our water was shut OIL for non
payment of taxes, and we were depending on
him "-DctroH Free Press,
"Does your wife wear jersey % blandly
asked tho smoOth-tongued dry goods clerk OF
Farmer Furrow, who was making II few pur-
Chasos for his better half Nov, look a-here,
young teller" said the old granger with a
look of mingled soorn and ferocity, don't yer
be too fresh. may be u cOunlrylnan, but L u
be burned II I'll take any gun from yer,
"Why didn't mean anything" timidly re-
tOrted the clerk, 81 merely asked If yOuI
yer want to know, I'll tell yer. She milks
Jerseys and feeds 'em and waters em, but, 10y
gosh, she doesn't wear 'em, coniound yel
plcter p'--BuningloR Hatgktye,