The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-03-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

That man up b"HfRgt0H fft' fFtSS-
The desperate cxtremitics to which
deyotees of roller skaiing are carried Is
shown in the case OF Il young lady at
Watcrtown who has traded her en-
gagement ring for $50 pair OF
skates. N. I. Com. .idrcFitscr.
A monument to Schiller is to be
erected in Lincoln Park, Chicago. and
the contract has been let to parties in
Stuttgart for 23. 2oa Poor Schiller.
He never heard OF Chicago. aud very
few peop!.. in Chicago ever heard or
him. N Q. Ptcayaae.
..Sgnart' and crisp are the latest
cant terms in London. the former
meaning fashionable. '-high-ton or
exclusive. and the latter signifying an
arrival at the highest apex Of ''stH ie.
Thus ..smart people are the upper
ten" and a crisp woman IS one
clothed in the extremity OF The mode
..Are you aware" asked the parson.
sthat Won will nave to answ"ri"r every
idle word at the last day? We'll
renlie,i the trifier. s'thereS comfort IN
that. The trial viii last so long thst
eternity vii! have nearly passed. ana
therefore ones punishment won't be
so very severe. = EoSto4 Transcript.
Professor Huxley insists that stock
mos of the same size. II OF different
colors. are not of the same sHe III All.
He might as we'll tell uS that stockings
of the same color. if OF different sizes,
are not of the same color at all. Ii Is
not known how long the Professors
mind has been in this acknowledgements
tion.-NorristOC1 Herald.
Friend-s.I should think you would
know the prices of all your drugs by
this time Druggist-''Why. do, of
course" .sThen how does it happen
that after you filled that prescription
for that gentleman you spent such
time looking over that book before you
could tell him the price? You were
irving to- find out the cost of the drugs,
weren't you:'' 20, no. Twas looking
over a commercial directory 10 lind out
how much he could afford to pay. =
Philadelphia Cal.
Candor was a merit the Chancellor
Kent possessed in an eminent degree,
and when upon one occasion he in
formed an individual he detested that
he was pleased 10 meet him. its caused
a friend to express surprise that he
should so diYcr@e from his known
frankness and sincerity TO express
pleasure at meeting >iiet a man.
s.That is ali right, my dear sir, D." re-
piled the jnrist, in his quiet. easy way.
81 was glad 10 meet him. but l should
have been very sorry If he was going
our way. ."--iibana E1hlrss.
-.Did YOU advertise for mau 10 do
elipping?'' asked rural individual
who had invaded The editors sanctum.
Him." said the Afehimedes of the
printing office: ''you don't look like a
clipper. What hast you been working
at?'' The intruder toyed with the Of
flee shears and replied: 1--WE been
shearng sheep Tic editor turned TO
his yellow paper again and murmured:
" on can get 4 chance at the brokers
offices down in State street: twelve
dollars and il haif 4 clip.
A genius has invented cushion with
spiral spring. 10 be Worn by skaters
where il will do the most GOOD. When
skater who wears one of these con-
fnEances sits down unexpectedly and
an Italics, rs il were. iiic spring throws
MIN right on to his feet again, before
ne is fully aware that there has been
an accident. The other night yOun g,
Ean provided with one OF these inyeA-
lions fell q little too hard. and 1he sRi-
raj spring reversed him so violently
that the rebound pitched him forward
and broke his nose. He will sue the
inventor for $1,000 damages. Norris
EeN2 Hcfald.
ACaR you see the stage peffHatly
Weil?" asked q gentleman at the play,
leaning forward 10 address the young
lady in front. Why. YES. sir, per-
faetlK." she replied. turning with some
sarprise- Nothing ut all in front to
obstruet your yew?'' he persisted anx-
iously. mo. sir. nothing" she said.
smiling pleasantly at his evident inter-
est i.l her welfare. But the next minute
he had an admirable illustration of the
changeabilitv of woman's temper for
she tiounced around Indignantly and
angrily tossed her disdainful head W hsn
he mnrmured politely: u congratulate
you. -iSeMerfitte Journal.
Two Young ladies entered cigar
store and one of them said timidly:
-'ftave you any choice cigars. sir? Want
them for a present 80 yes. Miss"
replied the tobacconist. 1--WE have uns
choice you like from a cent piece up"
81 think / will take some of the l-ccnt
ones, then, if they are choice. | had
no idea that choice cigars were 80
cheap. Won't Charlie be deli rhted?'
she said to her companion as they left
the store. Poor boy, He is so fond
OF a choice cigar. ami they will taSIe
all the better she added. with a little
blush. for hasing come from NE. -
N. T. Times.
There is in one of the schools of this
city miSchievious young American of
African descent who got into trouble
yesterday. He had violated one of the
rules. and his teacher concluded that
his otfense was grave enough TO merit
discipline st the hands of the Principal.
Taking firm hold of the young gentle
man, the teacher accordingly started
for the room of the dread administra-
tor of Punishment. The young chap
held back, began to cry, and finally
cried out in piteous tones: 30. Miss
-, don't take me up stairs, p-l-e-a-s-e
don't. If you don t take me up there
I'll pray for you tonightr' She didn't
take him up.-Au00nG Tribune.
''What is the population of the world,
papa?' asked G-year-old Edith, who
was making up sums for herself on i
new slate. You must not interrupt
me now. Edith" said her father, who
was writing at the same table. 60
~ .nlSc chiitu. " HcI gov
erness. Her father was not 50 busy.
however, but that he heard and was
amused by her saying in low tone
soon after: Il know how can lind
out myself. I'll look in the back of the
geography for the United States aud
for Europe, and then | can add Aunt
Mary's baby and Aunt Jessie's baby.
and that will give it to me exactly"
Speaking of mathematical jokes,
some years ago | was witness 10 a
curious wager between Charles Backus
and Joseph Murphy. the comedians.
The latter had told story. which do
not remember. illustrated by the Gu
rious action of number of wooden
roothpicks peculiarly arranged and set
an fire. "ShoW me that again, said
Backus. land I'll bet Il hottie of wine
can travel free TO San Francisco bv
just telling that story III the conductors