Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-02-26
An Inventors Dilemma.

In ground floor room in one of the
large public buildings of London sat a
man writing at table covered with
| papers. He was short. strongly
built figure, with a prominent nose,
and face hard and massive rs gran
ite statue, and wearing the set look
peculiar to men who have surmounted
great perils. Few. indeed, had more
practice in both than this man. for he
was no other than the Duke of Well
ington, and his crOwning victory at
Waterloo was still but a few years
old.
There was tinkling of a bell out
side, and then a murmur of voices in
the ante-room; but the duke never
raised his head from his writing, and
even when his secretary entered and
said,-
''lf it please your grace, that man
with the bullet-proof breastplate has
called again, and wishes very much to
see your grace for Il moment"
The dukes face darkened, as well il
might, for the man in question was the
most pertinacious bore whom he bad
ever encountered. The bullet-proof
cuirass was his own invention, and he
never lost a chance of declaring that
the safety of the whole British army
depended upon its instant adoption of
this unparalleled discovery" which
he carried about him and exhibited ut
all times and in all places.
Had this been all. he would soon
b,ro lon,, J;s,nsal Of. upl1ol-ily-
he had contrived to interest one or two
of the dukes personal friends and to
get from them letters of recommends
ton which even Wellington could not
easily disregard. Something must
clearly be done. however; for although
the fellow had hitherto been kept at
bay, he was evidently determined to
give the duke no peace till the matter
had been fully gone into.
For a moment Wellington looked so
grim that the secretary began to hope
for the order which he would gladly
have obeyed, viz, to kick the inventor
into the street forthwith.
"Show him in, said he, briefly.
The observant secretary noted both
the tone and the smile that accompanied
it; and he inwardly decided that it
would have been better for t1at in
ventor if he had not insisted on seeing
the duke.
In came the great discoverer-a tall,
slouching. shabby, slightly red-nosed
man, with a would-be jaunty air, which
gave way little, however, before the
..Iron Dukes" penetrating glance.
Il am glad to think that your grace
appreciates the merits of my inven-
tion," said he, in patronizing tone.
They are. indeed, too important to
be undervalued by any great command
er. Your grace cannot fail to remem-
ber the great havoc made by your gal
liant troops at Waterloo among the
French cuirassiers, whose breastplates
were not bullet-proof; whereas. if"
.'Have you got the thing with you?'
interrupted Wellington.
The inventor unwrapped very
short looking cuirass of polished steel,
and was Just beginning a long lecture
upon its merits, when the duke cut him
short by asking
''Are you quite sure that it is bullet
proof"
''Quite sure, your grace"
"Put it on, then, and 90 stand in that
corner"
The other wonderingly obeyed.
MIR. Temple" shouted Wellington
to his secretary, tell the sentry out
side to load with ball cartridge. and
come in here to test this cuirass. Quick,
now!"
But quick though the secretary was,
the inventor was quicker still. The
moment he realized that he had been
set up there on purpose to be fired at,
and to be snot dead on the spot if his
cuirass turned out not to be bullet
proof after all, he leaped headlong
through the open window with yell
worthy of n Blackfoot Indian, and
darted like rocket across the court
yard, vanishing through the outer gate
way; nor did the Duke of Wellington,
from that day forth, ever see or hear
of him again.