The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-07-02

round here, but the liquor dealers
re gobbling up the major part of the
eal estate thus lost.
America may be a little tardy in
pedestals for monuments,
'ut when it comes to going out to the
ront gate and shooting off guns of
Welcome she is always on hand.
Judge-"How old are you, ma
lameW
Wltness-I haye no personal
knowledge of my age, and heresay
testimony, understand, is not accept
I'd in this court"
"There can be no grand men with
out grandmothers," says Kate Field.
That's all right as far as it goes, Kate,
but you fail to give the grandfather
any show. Give the old man a chance.
Chautauqua is corruption of an
indian phrase meaning foggy place
The faunder Of Chautauqua literary
circles knew what he was about when
he chose their name.
Tommy, did you hear your mother
call your" Course 1 did" "Then,
why don't you go to her at once%
"Well, you see, she's nervous, and it'd
shock her awful if l should go to sud-
den."
eyes," observed Briggs, "she is
young, unmarried and has over one
million dollars in her own name"
as she handsome?" inquired Wilson.
Handsome? said distinctly that she
was worth over a million dollars"
An old maid named McGoozler OF
Pee-wee, Ore, trots out an attach
ment enabling woman to carry an
umbrella without jabbing the eyes out
Of every mortal man that comes with
in twenty feet OF her.
Mrs. L.-"Louise, donnez-moi un
verrd'eau." Louise (the new French
maid, who received higher pay on ac'
count of her nationality)-"Faith
that must be French she's a talkin
I'm done fur, shoor."
1t does seem to be a little bit extrav'
agant to put three-hundred-dollal
seal-skin sacque upon three dollar
woman, but is sometimes excusablt
when it is the only way Of smother
ing three thousand dollars worth o
i'll temper.
Mr.. Newrich in Paris--Mr. N. (wht
does not trust himself to the pitfalls
of the Gallo tongue): waiter, sand
wiches." Waiter "Blen, M'sieur
quatre?" Mr.. NJ: "Ohl yes, I sup
pose cat is as good as anything wei
get in this forsaken country"
cha! hal" laughed a glenwood citi
zen on the train the other morning
"my wife hit me on q soft spot whel
when she struck that subject at break
fast" "She must have struck you o.
the head, then" suggested Crimson
beak, to whom the remark wa
made.
Minister Phelps went to horse rae
the other day, and not many days be
fore he was seen behind the scenes {
a London theatre with the prince {
Wales. Isn't Mr.. Phelps getting ratt
er gay and giddy for an inhabitant {
virtuous, straight-laced old Vermont
"Why should red COW give whit
milk?" was the subject for discussio
in an Arkansas literary society. A
ter an hours earnest debate the seer
tary was instructed to milk the CO
and bring in decision according
the merits of the milk. 1t was blue.
Jones and Stigall met on the stre'
last Saturday. "I'm going out
town to get a Sabbath calm," remarl
ed Jones as they we're parting. "Be
ter known as Sunday STILL believe
said stigall quietly; aud Jones four
just time to open bottle before tai
ing his train.
"Who's that?" inquired an old ma
at the theatre as a woman with
train longer than stage wait can
striding out before the footlight
"Why, that's the STAR" replied h
son. "The starr" eyes" "Wh
good gosh, Billy, she looks more lii
the comet"
4 "See here, husband. The poet sa
$ Woman is the Sunday of man. 'Wh
do you think of that?" "Pretty go'
for poet He's only one day O
If he had said either Monds
y washday, or saturday-pay-day-
had been nearer right"
a Mrs. Plaindame, after looking loi
and thoughtfully at the plaster cast
Shakespeare, remarked: "Poor ms
G how pale he wasl He couldn't ha
q heen we'll when II was taken - an,