Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-02-04

daliOn3 az tho close OF the tenancy, shs
would pocket her rent and depart.
Then, again, there Is Praying Patsey
He comes occasionally, just as tho
Judges are out taking their MONDAY
recess, and, statlonjng himself in tho
doorway of the courtroom, mutters g.
short prayer. Whether II be ritual or
extempore, and who may be the
special objects of his petitions bench,
bar, suitors or witnesses alike
matters of mystery, inasmuch as his ut
terances are so rapid and muflled rs to
be totally unintelligible. His act of de-
votion accomplished, he swiftly moves
toward another part of the court there
again to perform his self-imposed duty.
He is strictly impartial, comforting the
benefits of his microscopy offering on
every room in the building, not omit
ting even the Comptroller's Office and
the Bureau for tho Collection of Ar
rears. What ideas he may have re-
specting the necessity or value OF his
services no one knows, for he speaks to
no one. He is convinced, no doubt,
that his presence and prayers are abso'
lutely essential to. the welfare, if not,
indeed, the existence Of the building
and its inmates. One thing, at least, il
certain. If he does no good, he does
no harm, and his lunacy might easily
assume moro Objectionable form.
Yet an other demented amicus cnrte
is man who has once or twice made
his appearance, claiming the credit OF
and compensation for the invention OF
the submarine telegraph, the elabora'
ton OF the entire postal system
of the United States, and the establish.
ment of Civil-Scrvice reform. Consid'
ering the important character of these
achievements, and their great national
value, this public benefactor is very
moderate in his demands. He usually
presents his claim in handwriting very
unlike what one would expect as coming
from such gifted individual. 1t begins
81 claim an order from the Supreme
Court for one hundred thousand dol.
lars" 1t then specifics the valuable
services just mentioned, as being tho
items on which the claim is based, and
concludes with statement that, being
in immediate need, o. small installment
on account will be very acceptable. He
is considerate enough to intimate that
if it be not convenient to give immedi.
ate attention to his demand he will cal
again. 1t goes without saying, that he
always is told to call again.
Latterly, too, the courthouse has
been honorcd by the visits of middle
aged woman with q Celtic face, 0
determined expression, and o strong
accent. She has suffered depreciation
Of character at the hands Of
some person or persons unknown,
through which she has been "deprived
of the means of earning livelihood
She announces her intention of attend.
ing the sessions of the courts until on,
or other of the Judges removes this dis
ability. 1t is to be hoped that sooner
or later some way will be found to &C
complish this good lady's wishes, fol
she is an unfortunate soul and has the
staying power Of Coleridge's "Ancient
Mariner"
Perhaps the most unintelligible rep
resentative of the genus Is an Israelite
who haunts the corridors and favors al
corners with long and rambling
chronological disquistion on two kind,
of Jews whom he calls Reuben Jews
and Susan Jews, for which latter class
it may be said, he entertains the mos
supreme contempt. He kindly volun
teers the information that Susar
is not only in Jerusalem, bat il
New York and all over the world
1t is possible he may be right
Susan is a tolerably ubiquitous person
age. When questioned as to the identi
ty of the particular Susan to whom h,
has reference, he waves his hand i'm
patiently and informs his questionel
that he can find out all about it in tn,
Book of Esther. He generally closes
his discourse with the following puz
zling conundrum:
"Can they take away mine property
on six-days' summons, without name
without dato and without amountp'
Naturally, the person questioned
usually comforts our friend with ,
prompt and decided answer in the neg
alive, but is met Immediately by til,
perfectly crushing query:
Then why don't they pay me m.
Why, indeed? Perhaps, though, it i
that they haven't got the money.
All these lesser lights, however. pal
before Mr. Heintzlemann. They lacl
the clement of permanence. Their visit
are intermittent, and they soon tire
Not so, he. Their orbits are erratic
uncertain, cometary. He alone is dur
nal and eternal. Jurors, suitors an,
witnesses come and go; lawyers arc adj
mitted, practice and depart for new
fields:of usefulness; Judges are elected
serve and retire; bat he goes on for
ever
Poor Mr.. Heintzlemann! He will n,
doubt keep on filing his documents witt
the clerk, and seeking an opportunit.
to argue his motion, until the day come
when he shall present his case to th
highest court of last resort, and tn
long-wished-for modification denie,
him on earth be at last granted. Then
perhaps, the arrested faculties shall b
set free to find exercise in large
sphere Of beneficent activities. an,
the dim and troubled years Of his menta
bondage shall seem "as when on
awaketh in the morning, and behold,
was dream. Frederick Days Storey
in The Manhattan.
|