Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-04-17
A DOT AND A DASH.
A Cynical Misogynist Tells the
Story of His Capture.

Somehow, even in my most pacific
days, l never had the reputation of be-
ing an amiable fellow; and before Ire
ceived my first promotion (from cradle
to trundle-bed) my mother and aunt
had observed with well-founded appre-
hension the dawn of a cynical smile up
On my youthful countenance. I never
had occasion to quarrel with that smile,
however, for it did me excellent serv-
ice, and under its whitening sarcasm
sundry assurances to the effect that sui
phur and trcacle tasted very nice in
deed, and that throes of 1ncipient collie
lurkcd in the internal economy of for
bdden green apples died unspoken up
on lips long accustomed to such inno-
cent maternal guile. 1t had never been
my nature to take anything upon trust
least of all a woman; a fact that I
announce as being likely to explain to
inquir.ng minds the reason l had never
taken one ut all.
fear that an abnormal prejudice
against p%etticoats was born in me. [
looked upon the wearers as evils neces-
sary and perhaps even desirable to
some, but to me neither the one mort the
other. AS far as buttons were con-
cerncd in the question, l could use q
needle and thread to my entire salts
faction, and had, after much painful
e%ndcavor, become SO proficient that I
did no on an average impale mythumb
of,cner than three times per button,
which certainly was all any reasonable
man ought to expect.
A Washerman possessing the regula-
ton pigtall and slanting eyes kept my
shirts and collars immaculate; a FASH
1onablc tailor in the nearest city sup
pllcd my outer husk; while an ''un-
bleachcd American of the masculine
persuasion supplied material for interi-
or consumption. If it was true that q
detestablc woman made my bed every
morning and put my room to wrongs, l
was morally certain that a man would
nave done it much better, leaving fewer
s'mps IN the mattress and more bay
rum and cologne-watcr in the toilet
bottles.
In temperament I was inclined to be
phltgmatic, but still l was conscious
~ possessing q hidden capacity for
aecper feeling that some wise instinct
whispered had better remain undevel-
epcd territory. l have always OBJ
served that a standard roadbed with
1asy grades and few curves is a great
ueal safer than the trcstles and tunnels
vi mountain narrow-gauge, though
!he scenery may not be half so interest
ing l did not care for excitement; I
"aS fond of reading, smoking and quiet
incubation; and i had recently re-
sel'ed a bequest from a deceased rela-
1--WE that' IN reality, rendered the active
Rutsuit OF my profession unnecessary.
lut Tor a number of years I had been
ool1sed to labor for my daily bread and
lew other t%ritles, and 1 felt that l
thovld be happier for the occupation
. Is afforded me. l had no particular
.ss'fe to rise in the ranks when ] de-
@.m'ned to continue therein; it was
tatner the result of a conservative dis
EosItlon that did not adapt itself read
~ 10 changes of any kind. although l
te'ef became SO frantically conserva-
ave. as to resent the change in my for.
nrIL''es' or to wish that Aunt Jane had
"'osep another heir. In fact, l never