Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1885-07-23
HUNTING A DRESS POCKET.
The Experience Of Colonel Pettingill While
Looking for . Valise Key.

| Vho Experience Oh ColOnel fetttnSlll While
Looking for yalise Key.
Colonel Jim Pettingill. who is stout
man and persp;res 3 great deal, went
home to his wife the other evening and
asked her where she kept the key of his
valise, as he wished to pack up few
things and take the night train for Mo-
bile to look after some important bust
ness matters.
Mrs. Pet:ingill told him to 60 up
stairs to her room and he would find
the key in the pocket of her black dress.
which was hanging on nail behind the
door She further explained that it was
her serge dress with vatican plait
down the back, and Topped along the
front with small satin bows, and con-
tinued to give geographical descrip-
t ON of the garment until Pettingill got
tired and suddenly turned on his heel
and left her.
Poor, foolish mortal, he did not know
that it was easier, as the Scripture says,
for the eye of rich man to crawl
through a camel than for him to find
the pocket in his wife's dress. Blinded
by his own confidence, he look the dress
off the nail, and that moment his suffer
ing commenced. He took short sur
vey of the garment as he held it up in
his left hand, in order to locate the posi-
ton of the pocket His eyes rested on
a small opening and he thrust his hand
into it, only to find his fingers gliding
through a kind of bot:omless concern,
and then, sticking his arm into it up to
the hilt, he observed that his hand was
protruding from an aperture on the
other side. This caused him to change
the position of the dress, and he saw
another opening and sounded its depths
and ascertained that it was the same
mysterious hole he had been in mo
ment before.
This slightly annoyed him, and after
throwing of his coat and vest and mop
ping the streams of perspiration from
his face, he again went in search of the
pocket. He saw little slit on the right
side, and softer light came into his
eyes. THAT is it," he murmured, and
putting his hand into shallow flounce.
commenced to grope around for the
key, which, however, was sleeping
snugly in the pocket at least two feet
away. Pettingill got mad and began
to swear between his clenched teeth.
He determined to find the pocket or die
with his face to the foe, and the next
minute he commenced stabbing the
dress with both hands, and hitting il
straight blows from the shoulder, and
| dancing around it just as if he was en-.
gagged in a rough and tumble fight. He
glanced at the clock and saw that the
train would start in forty minutes, and
once more he jumped for the d eSs with
low yell that indicated plainly that
he was mad enough to match himself
against hornet. He damned his head
into the folds of the dress and com
menced digging with both hands, and
the air got full of satin bows, pieces of
vatican plaits and smothered
growls. Then he got down on his
hands and knees and chased the dress
around the room, and under the bed.
and over the chairs, until he had to
gasp for breath. While seated in
chair resting himself, he glared at the
crumpled dress lying on the floor, and
the idea occurred to him that the only
way to keep the pocket from lodging
him was to put the dress on. He did
so and then renewed his search, but his
hands would slide into loops, furbe.
lows, folds, founces and everything
else except the much-desired pocket.
This was more than he could stand.
and he determined to take Of the dress
and tear it to pieces, and thus DIS
cover the dwelling place of the pocket.
He pulled the dress up over his head as
if he was divesting himself of shirt.
but it got caught in his suspender
buckles and wrapped itself around his
neck in a peculiar way, and he stopped
forward and tugged at it with all his
strength, but it would not give an inch
and appeared to tighten it's grip around
his head. It was hot and he was
smothering in its folds, and in order tG
release himself he beat the air with both
hands and danced up and down in one
spot until the window-panes ratified.
The dress, however, knew that it was
getting the best of him and would not
let him 60, and then Pettingill In his
rage made blind dash and butted the
bowl and pitcher off the washstand and
upset the rocking-chair, which prod
ded him severely in the ribs. The next
dive he made the bureau suffered, and
cologne-bottles and powder-boxes,
mingling with tin bath-tub and II bird |
cage, rolled over the floor.
Mrs. Pettingill heard the crash, and
fastening upstairs discovered her hus
band lying on the floor on his back,
with his arms and head bound up in he1
dress, and kicking both his legs in the
air. and using profanity of one hundred
and forty degrees in the shade. She
pulled him out of the dress, and he sat
up on the floor and gazed at her in a
dazed way, and rubbed his ribs with
one hand and wiped the blood off his
nose with the other. There was a look
in his eyes which told Mrs. Pettingill
that it was not the time to talk to her
husband, so she merely picked up the
dress, and without any trouble at all
stuck her hand in certain place and
took out the key, which she handed him
without saying a word. 1t was too late
to catch the tran, so Pettingill quietly
bathed his bruised head, and then went
to a locksmith's shop, and when he
came home he brought his valise key
with him, and it was chained to bar
of pig-iron. He says now that when he
wants to 60 away he is sure to find his
key outside of his wife's dress pocket
N. O. Times Democrat.