Milford chronicle., 1885-01-16
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
vyuAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOh-
Ous COLUMNS TO MAKE Us SMILE
A uusIness essTrnusacti0n-The Old, Old story
In a Texas GrOcery-His Wedding Pres
ent-Ina n saw AIiIl-A Disappointed Nor
mon, Etc, Etc.
Tgr wrFr WHO KNOWS IT ALL.

1TaY love.
Z. wi,. NJ know 7 do. II 7 were
man would sSSs% - - I'm, T. Son to ID
would never be content ia anAtha'
an ordinary, humdrum business 4Oyr,rs
would Just bring me living.
An hour later the couple, standing II
a narrow doorway with the rain beating
fiercely in.
Wife-"How do I look %
Husband-''Very much like a specu-
lator, sharer Of my Joys and Sorrows
A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.
Sam Oppenheimer, of San Antonio,
was one of the passengers on the San
saba stage that was robbed few weeks
ago. 4,,o
ton of your head, ," remarked one of the
robbers, holding a pistol under Sans
nose.
ssT,hree hundred dollars wash every
cent 1 got, so hellup me schiminy gra-
shus. :"
"Hand 'em over"
sam did SO, keeping back six dollars.
''What are you keeping back them six
dollars for ?" mildly inquired the rob
-, 7sipg his pistol against Sans
All parties uesirInEes~ ssIueures.
Farm Property, Household Furniture, Merehan-
disc, Vessel Property, Canneries, Canned Gooos.
Fruit Dryers, Steam or Water Power Saw or Grist
d Mills, can be accommodated and have it placed in
any of the following responsible cOmpat les;
continental German Amer an,
ssFotba Fire, Manufacturers, F. & NJ.
from the paper, ''thelP Peoples,
dred and forty-eight co6~a 6av.i ii'0'
IaSu Wb6h' ndon & onoosbt.,
'Great Scott !" @uon o Lancashire ,ll
minutes. and then the old man knocked
the ashes from his pipe and remarked;
"Three hundred and forty-eight, eh?
Jist exactly what 1 counted on when
stopped you from going into the mercan-
tile business and put you into saw mil;
A saw mill is sunthin' that can't ial
once in fifty years, and when it does the
law gives ye the mill-dam, and ye can
steal all the saws from the creditors. -
Val Street Nes0s.
WHY HIS TORTURED LOOK
On the st. Lawrence we once met a
poor Indian who had just came out of
prison. A more woebegone and wretch
ed looking man we never saw. He
was as limp as a week old paper collar.
''Did they starve you IN prison 2
"No."
''Did they treat you with cruelty, over
task you with labor or torture you In the
dark cell ?"
''No, the great white chief did none Of
these things.
why is my red brother so anguished ?"
''They made me wash myself. UghY
-IOFOnt 0 Mail.
IN A TEXAS GROCERY.
Major Stout "a Republican, to Col.
Slim, a Democrat)-I say, kurnel, has
President Cleveland replied to your ap-
plication for the Collectcrship of the
port of Galveston?
Col. Slim-I haven't had any reply
from Grover yet. 1 can't understand
the delay.
Major Stout-It's hardly time for you
to hear from Cleveland. 1 applied to
President Arthur for a post office three
years ago, and he hasn't answered my
letter yet-Terds Sittillgs.
TEE OLD, OLD STORY
The Colonel-"Yes; he was senior
wrangler of his year, and she took
mathematical scholarship at Girton;
and now they're engaged.
-
ING + and OH, how different their conver-
safion must be from the insipid twaddle
of ordinary lovers
THEIR CoNvsRsATIoN.- He - "And
what would dovey do, if lovey we're to
she-"Oh, dovey would die, too!"-
Punch.
EXPLAINING FAITH
"Faith is a confidence in the exist
ence of something we cannot see, my
little dears," the superintendent ex-
planned to the juvenile Sunday-school
class. 'For instance, when you buy
peanuts you kno r. +heoJA is a kernel in
side of the shell. Now, that is Iarpsa.-s>,
Do all comprehend me?'
Glass (unanimously)-"Y th il"
Superintendent - '"Then, what is
faith ?"
Glass ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS p
Detroit Free Press.
BE WOULDN'T BE EQUAL TO THE JOB.
81 suppose, said a politician, who
had been somewhat bored by a reporter,
''that at the day of judgment you will
be on hand to report the proceedings ?"
''Yery likely, he replied.
Sand you will take down my sins as
they are called of with a good deal Of
pleasure?"
"Oh, shan't be assigned to report
your sins.
"Why not?"
''Because Pm not a shorthand writer"
his WEDDING PRESENT
''There, my daughter" said the old
man, placing a deed for beautiful man
sion among the wedding gifts, 'ts my
present, and my best wishes for your
future happiness go with it. God bless
you, my child; God bless you r and he
turned away chOked with emotion.
els there a mortgage on it, pa?" she
asked brightly, rs she arranged the
deed conspicuousY on the table
"No," he said, there is no mortgage
on the deed; it's on the property. --SttR.
NO CASE.
''Prisoner, SAID Prosecutor Buxton,
lyon are charged with gambling"
''Gamblipg? What is gambling ?"
''Playing cards lor money"
''But l did not play cards for money;
I played cards for chips
well, you go5 money for your chips
at the end OF the game, didn't you ?"
''No; didn't have any chips at the
enc OF the game.
HIS BUSY TIME
FIRST Dude-Aw, Charley, my dear
boy, what wattlin' pace You are goin'
This mornin'.
second Duda-Aw, yas, Fitznoodle,
mv dear seliow Don't detwain me. I'm
hard at work This is the busiest sea
son Of the year to me-
by jove, Chawley, what are you
.1~iris 90