The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1885-12-11
How 1t Feels to be Killed in Battle,

AI tne DdJtlc Vi pnllOn Wto shOo
between the eyes. / was left on the
field for dead, published as killed, and
had the rare pleasure of reading my
obituary in the local newspaper sew
eral months afterward. 1t was fine
piece of writing, full of pathos, and
affected me strangely. Testimony OF
that kind ought to convince any fair
minded court that | really died for my
country, and ought to know something
about how it feels to go hence in a
glorious cause. | will therefore try TO
tell you how III looked to one who has
been to the margin of the dark river,
though il seems didn't quite cross
over after all.
When the shock struck me IL seem
as if was struck with crowbar com
ing endwise at great speed. A
thought of that kind passed through
my mind at that time. | felt the
missile tear through my head as plainly
as ever felt anything, though it did
rot do so, and | felt the air rush
through after it and chill my brain. l
was conscious what seemed to be two
or three minutes, from the amount of
thinking l did, but it might not have
been more than as many seconds, for
| / have since learned that the mind can
sometimes work with inconceivable
rapidity.
The first feeling that came over me
was one of most terrible disappoint-
meut. 1t was absolutely crushing.
1t was not feeling of regret that |
was cut down at the dawn OF man
hood never thought of that-but it
was feeling of cruel disappointment
that had not been spared to get to
the battery upon which we were
charging at the time | was hit. A
moment before, my blood had been
seething with that indescribable frenzy
cf excitement which can only be ex-
perienced when the veins are bursting
with thrill that goes through them
when a charge into the very jaws OF
death is being made. I was too much
maddened by the intoxcation of battle
to think of personal danger. Not a
thought of that kind crossed my mind.
In the earlier stages of the carnage
the sight of a dead man had sickened
me, and had felt my cheek blan.hing
and my knees trembling when the
blood of comrade REDEEMED the
earth, but not now. All feeling of
timidity had been swept away by the
magnetism of that sublime moment
when victory was in sight. l felt
tigerish, and thirsted for vengeance.
l wanted to get to that battery, and l
wanted TO get there bad, l was strain
ing every nerve to that end, and to be
cut down at the moment when victory
was almost within grasp, with shouts
of defiant triumph bursting from my
powder stained lips, tell you, friends,
it was simply awful. Nothing in
laguage can paint the wretched feeling
of disappointment that overwhelmed
me at that cruel moment. Had been
spared to re ach the guns, l believe l
could have died without regret, but
to be snuffed out before the job was
finished was calamity too great to
find expression in words.
, Immediately after being hit l felt
myself sinking into dazed condition,
,, and then came season of debate with
, myself as to whether was alive or
dead. | had hole straight through
my head big enough 10 admit good
! sized cane, thought therefore mus,
: be dead. A man in my fix would
: have been killed instantly, hence / was
most certainly dead SO far as the body
! was concerned. | could not be alive
1t was contrary to all precedent
r But some other faculty of mind wouic
q combat this argument and try to con
Il vince me that was still alive. 81 car
L move my hand or my foot" I woult
: reason, sand corpse couldn't do that
d so Pm alive after ALL "But l don
move my hand or my foot, the othe
faculty would insinuate. II simpl,
= think | do so I must be dead. My
brains are scattered over the ground
= There's no doubt about that, for
felt them 90, and that means instan
death so of course I'm actually dead.
And so it went until I lost all con
sciousness one part of the brain try
ing to convince me that | was dead
and another trying as persistently t.
pesuade me that l was alive, all in
dreamy, semi-conscious sort of way
gradually growing fainter and fainter
somewhat like the sensation of going
to sleep.
There was no feeling of pain nj
thought of death, except as stubborn
fact that could not be avoided No
thought of my past life no though
of frien0s or home. Not the slightes
regret of my untimely taking off, asid
from the temporary feeling of disa
pointment above referred to. Not
single pang that all my hopes and am
bitions had come to standstill M
future status was not once considered
There was no hope of heaven, no fea
of hell. heard no celestial music
| was not uplifted by angel hands an
borne gently away. No seraphic be
ings robed in light fitted before m
with rustling wings. No dark form
glowered upon me and barred the wa
to the realms of joy. l was simpl
drifting away from consciousness in
manner not at all uncomfortable m
last recollection being the mental de
bate as to whether | was alive o
nd dead.
no Who can tell but that death on th
LIE battle field may not have been in man
cases an exact repetition of my owl
feelings at the time when I believe
n, n my last moment had comef Had
IS. really died before recovering consc
business such would indeed have bee
my end.
ng remained in senseless conditio
u, 5,a four days, and when I came to tn
ed noise of battle was still ringing in m
ears. The debate was resumed, but If
stantly dropped by the introduction c