Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1885-05-06

Il
SELVES IN A SLEEPER OR DINING CAR.
MANY people have travelled all their
lives and vet do not know how to behave
themselves when on the road. For the
benefit and guidance of such, these few,
crisp. plain. horse sense rules of etiquette
have been framed.
In travelling by rail. on foot, turn to the
right on discovering an approaching train.
If YOU wish the train to turn out, give two
loud toots and get in between the rails so
that you will not muss up the right OF way.
Many a nice, new right OF way has heen
ruined by getting a pedestrian tourist
spattered ali over its first mortgage.
On retiring at night on board the train.
do not leave your seeth in the ice water
tank. II every one should do so. it would
occasion great confusion in case of wreck.
1t would also cause much annoyance and
DELAY during the resurrection. Exper-
fenced tourists tie string to their teeth
and retain them during the night.
If YOU have been reared in extreme pow
erty and your mother supported you until
YOU grew up and married so that your
wife could support you, you will probably
sit in four seats at the same time, with
YOUR feet extended into the aisles so that
YOU can wipe them off on other people
while you snore with your mouth open,
clear to your shoulder blades.
! Ii you are prone TO drop to sleep and
! breathe with low, death rattle, like the
exhaust of bath tub, it would be good
/ plan to tie up your head in feather bed
and then insert the whole thing IN the
{ linen closet, or if you cannot secure that,
YOU might stick it out of the window and
get it knocked off against a tunnel. The
stock holders of the road might get mad
about it, but you could do it in such way
that they wouldn't know whose head 1t
was.
Ladies and gentlemen should guard
against travelling by rail while in beastly
state of intoxication.
In the dining car, while eating, do not
comb your moustache with your fork. BY
all means do not comb yonr moustache
with the fork of another 1t is better to
refrain altogether from combing the
moustache with fork while travelling,
for the motion of the train might jab the
fork into your eye and irritate it.
If your dessert is very hot and you do
not discover it until you have burned the
rafters out of the roof of your mouth, do
not utter a wild yell of agony and spill
your coffee all over a total stranger, but
control yourself, hoping to know more
next time.
In the morning is a good time to find
out how many people have succeeded in
getting on the passenger train who ought
to be in the stock car.
Generally. you will find one male and
ona female Tho mo la uoaS intn tho WaSh
room, bathes his worthless carcass from
daylight until breakfast time, walking on
the feet of any man who tries to wash his
face during that time. He wipes himself
on nine different towels. because when he
gets home he knows he will have to wipe
his face on an old door mat. People who
have been reared on hay all their lives.
generally want to fill themselves full of
pie and collie when they travel.
The female of this same manned goes
into the ladies' department and remains
there till starvation drives her out. Then
the real ladies have about ID seconds apiece
in which to dress.
If you never rode in a vanished car be-
fore, and never expect to again, you will
probably roam up and down the car, me-
anderIng over the feet of the porter while
he is making up the berths. This is
good way to let people see how little sense
you had left after your brain began to
soften.
In travelling do not take along lot of
old clothes that you know you will never
wear.
Never walk through car staring every
body out of countenance, like Jim Crow
detective hunting for the James boys, but
mind your own business, be quiet, polite
and patient, and see that your ticket takes
you over the Great Rock Island route.
Then you will feel as though you were
among friends all the time, and you will
leave the train with pang of genuine re-
gret.-BU Me-.