The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-12-24
I WENT UP GARRET.

The other day l went up garnet to sort
out stOyepipe for our sitting-room stove.
| was once allowed the benign privilege of
applying the first person singular when
wished to mention any of my chattels. /
look back on that period of my life as
dream rudely disturbed by gushing wiles,
soothing-syrup bottles, Easter bonnets and
sister-in-law The proverbial mother-in-
law has been my steadfast friend through
out all the trying ordeals of my married
life, such as settling for last winters coal,
paying the cook who kicked when l drew
the line at canvass-backed ducks for her
cousin; the eagle-eyed policemen who
Yields the club and is a frequent visitor of
my little side door. Yes, l can safely say
that my mother-in-laW has been my firm
friend. My sisters-in-law have impoverished
me quite. Their fellows spark in my front
parlor; they fiatten the chair springs, wear
out the carpet, rub the paint off the door
step, aSd cause my gate to assume the post
ure of chronic debility.
However, that is neither here nor there
though they're mostly here so to speak. As
I said before, l went up garnet to sort out
stove-pipe for our sitting-room stove. To
the man of average patience, OF stability
and human endurance this might seem to
be one OF the pleasantest tasks thrown in
the way of male victim of domestic ex-
perienee. The devil is blaclxer than he's
painted, and Solomon in all his glory is q
chrome rival TO the tiger lily by the bull
frog pond-but the sorting out of a sitting
room section of stove pipe surpasseth the
comprehension of mankind, unless you've
been there The neighbors for miles
around must have stored their stove pipe
in my garrett. never saw such stipend
Gus eonglomeration of Russ and sheet
irOned either with rusty trimmings in all
my life
Outside the yellow leaf, fast turning to
russell, was rat5sing against the dry limbs
of the naples. The lordIy rooster perched
upon the rail fence and cIarioneted his
challenge to the weather vane on the horse
barn. The drowsy bee was asleep, for the
latent sun wasn't so latent as wonst it vast.
The cowboy didn't throw stones at the pud-
die frog; the puddle frog has crawled into
his hole and pulled the hole in after him.
In United States honest Injun, the auspici-
Gus winter is in the near future, and it,
time to erect the five-dollar-a-ton demolisher.
That's why am up in the garrett sorting
out stOyepipe, my dear. / took survey of
the field and my heart went way down
stairs, skunk into the cellar and tried to hide
among the cobweb-covered bottles. Phys
ically. it would have taken forty-horse
derrick to lift my heart back to its wonted
pedestal of pristine courage. Mentally
am strong on the mental, even if do wear
thirty-two-inch chest tape when / get
measured for a vcSt-I commenced my
vigorous onslaught upon that pile of pipe.
The section wanted, that is, the first sec
ton. was upon the top of the pile, lying up
among the raftefs. l tried to reach it. /
could not, 1 thought I would step upon
the lowest bit of pipe, and, from the ele-
waited position, / could readily reach the de-
sired pipe. / did; that is, stepped upon
the pipe, but didn't reach far enough to
grasp in a tangible manner the reached-for
object Perhaps, if l had had an arm
about fifteen feet long and sufficient cour-
age to back it 1 might have grasped the
pipe as I lay upon my back at the foot of
the garnet ladder. Bet heavily on your 10
cal ball club, go in full swipes on star