The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-03-12
THE MERRY SIDE !!

There! Just as we told you. On the
very day of Mr.. Cleveland's Inauguration a
fatal hog disease has broken out at Cald-
well, Ohio. With this Democratic hog
disease and Private Dalzell, both, the sit
uatiOn is bad enough.
Michael Croschinski. August Wekleski.
and Julius Wesuoski were arrested at
Detroit, last week for numbering Joseph
Scheffele Wekleski compelled 10. to
Scheffele off this mortal coil, by shooting
him with a revolver. But how could you
blame men with such names as that for
killing one another?
An exchange suggests that the natural
gas companies of Pittsburgh put Limberg
cheese in their gas-pipes, to detect leak
age A good idea. A wife would then
only have to leave the gas turned on to
keep her husband at home. The Limberg
and gas would smell as sweetly at home
as the Limberg and beer at the saloon.
A Doctor named Mckenzie, was run
ming around in Cincinnati, with dead
baby dangling under his arm. They
thought him crazy, but found out that he
was only taking the baby to his Office that
his students might have a picnic cutting
it up. The DR.. had taken about pint of
spia1tus taat1aeaati, but the ignorant Off
GERS thought that was dog-leg whiskey,
and arrested him.
The Portsmouth Tribune makes the
horrible and of course unwarranted
charge against Major Jack Dever that in
trial before a Justice where woman
was defendant, he spoke of her as 'this
here woman with quivering nose and
amalgamated chin" We cannot believe
that on our old friend. An attorney
might call a woman "a wall-eyed hag with
a pendulous snout," or ga red-headed jade
with an italic mouth" but to use such
language as the Tribune attributes to the
Major-we don't believe it, at all.
When Blaine was at Ironton last Fall,
he stopped with Mr.. Fl. B. Wilson. On
leaving he forgot to take his cane, which
greatly tickled Mr.. Wilson, who wanted
the stick as memento. But now Mr..
w. S. Swearingen, of Vanceburg KY,
writes that that is his cane, which Mr..
Blaine took from his hand at Portsmouth
when trying to shake hands. Wilson
treasuring Swearingen's cane, is like the
old German who was trying to sell an old
sword, and said:
"Dees vas der shword nit vich Palaam
shmote his ass"
But he had no sword he only wished
for one," said his hearer.
"VelI, so goot! Dot ish der ferry Won he
Wished forw
A few days ago Mr.. Hunsinger was
in his store, on Broadway, chat
ting with friends. Though one of the
owners, he does not attend to the store
and therefore some of the customers
might think him stranger. Some ladies
were dealing in the store at the time.
Suddenly one of them turned to Mr.. III.
and said:
'Are you going over to the Drug Store,
pretty sooh?"
mo, madam, 1 believe not, politely re-
piled the gentleman.
"Don't you keep Drug Store?"
mo, madam"
With look of astonishment the lady
asked: isn't your name Charley Will
liams ?"
Henry got away and had good laugh,
to himself, and rejoiced that there were
10 reporters loafing around. And that is
one reason why we do not say anything
about it.
Cleveland's slipping into Washington
on special train reminds US Of the two
South 'Cawlinians" who agreed to meet
at certain point and settle an old feud
by fight. Both were blooded stock,
"brave to rashness.' Along in the after
noon of the day in question, an old color
ed gentleman who was riding along upon
a mule, overlook one of them. The fellow
was out of breath, and was resting up for
still further pedestrian effort. AS the old
man approached he accosted his white
friend with:
"Ebenin, Mistah Fairchildl Thought as
how ye an Ben. WIZ a-goin ter hab fight
day-fst-an-skulr-
eve war, Uncle Rube, but the murder
Gus dog kim at me with a weepon, bent
on KILN me, an had to fly fur my life"
The old man laughed so loud and long
that his hearer became very angry, and in
the dignifed and dangerous tone of a
"Suth'n Gen'man," ordered the colored
man to explain.
"Wy, ye see-oh, no, no! vi, vi, vi!
Haw, haw, haw! Bound ter kill myself
laffinp'-
"What'n thunder yer laffin at, ye cussed
roared the "Gen'man,' shaking
his long long hair in rage.
"Wy, as kim up de road dis mawnin,
l met Ben, runnin' like mad. / got i'm
ter stop long 'nough ter gimme de reason
ob his haste, an he said Tom Fairchid wuz
a pursuin i'm with a weepon. So't seems
ye bofe kim near 'nough to de battle
ground ter git glimpse oh one anothah,
when bofe took to his heels, and ye bin
runnin frum one anothah, in opposite di-
rections ebber Sence."
Look yer, nigger," said the long-haired
fghtist, "ef ye want a shoe-string left on
yer back, don't ye say nuthln' about this
over at town. fur I'm a'goin ter play con-
KERN hero when git home, and convince
ther people thet I'm the best man in the
County"
And when Tom entered the town, look
ing like desperate who had feasted upon
human gore, he beheld the old colored
man standing upon street-corner, look
ing the very picture of solemnity, and
waving a small flag, while he whist1ed
"Hail to the Chief"