Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-01-08
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

Il =
An annoying practical joke was play
cd on q bashiul young man who WAS
ing lady on q journey.
While going through tunnel. friend
knocked off the bashful young mans
hat, forced his fingers through his hair,
kissed the back Of his own hand. and
then slapped his own face violently.
Every one In the carriage looked in
that direction when the light came,
and the friend WAS apparently the most
surprised of all. Tho rufiied appear
ance and confusion of the astonished |
victim onvinced the spectators that he |
had tried 10 steal kiss, and had been
slapped.
At q dinner. party the coachman had
come in to help wait at table. Among
the guests was very dear old lady.
Coachman, 10 handling vegetables,
comes To the deaf party. !" Peas mum 2"
says John No answer. " Peas mum 2"
(louder). Still no answer from the deaf
party, placing her ear-trumpet to her
car lifts it interroga'ively TO the man,
who, glancing down and seeing the
tube, CALCULATES Well, it's a rum
way Of taking them, but suppose she
i kt \ ". mere 'ts hbu uOWu went
the ID as into the eaI-truin pet.
The meausst man have seen In all
nv pracJice," said a doctor, :" 10 a
patient of mine in the West end.
waited on him for len YEARS, furnishing
medicine aud everything, and never
e,uldlcollect a shilling, and tue other
day he sent a great basketfn! of bottles
TO my surgery and wanted lire to buy
them" Well, what harm was there
In that ?" asked his companion. "Oh,
none 10 speak of oh y the bottles were
the same ones had been furnishing
him with Tor the ten years | had attend
ed him"
Said young Mira Wylde, addressing
her husbands: Why do you invite
that odious Mr.. Goode TO the house,
John ?" Odious? Why, he Is noted
for his benevolence and nobility of
soul. Besides being very tender. heart
ed, he has cbarmingly unaffected
manners "Weli, | think he Is hor,
rid. He lisa perfect brute !" You
certainly used 10 admire him. What
has he done p - Why, last evening |
showed him our precious little darling,
and he said all babies looked alike to
him
Landlord TO tenant "GoOd morning.
tir fine day, sir. just called around
| To see II IL would be convenient to settle
your quarter . rent % "Do you know,
| land lord that none of the doors In this
| house will shut 2" New house, sill
new house, you know takes time TO
SETTLE "Ah, then there's pair of US
| Pm new tenant; II takes time
TO me 10 settle, too. Good morning.
| @ II again."
The following Is a riddle which was
supposed to be insolvable; When from
the Ark's capacious round The World
came forth in pairs, Who was it that
frat heard the sound OF boots upon the
stairs? The following Is the solution
To him who cons the matter DER A little
| thought reveals-lie heard II hrst who
went before Two pairs Of soles and
cells.
A noted scientist devotes ten pages OF
q rather heavy periodical TO the qnes
ton {" Is there more than one moon %
A gentleman who was leaning against
| lamp post in front OF his house the
other night solved the problem, to his
own satisfaction at least, and gravsly
| announces thai there are certainly
three, and perhaps more.
"Here, prisoner, stand up and give
An account of yourself" said magis
trate to a man who had been brought
before him for drunkenness. The pris
oner slowly arose, and Stealing himself
with great effort responded Your
honor, how can you expect, an &C
count from a man who has lost his bal
ance?"
"Ouida" don't believe in destiny
She saws: 81 believe there is nothing
which befalls us from a catarrh to cata
stropbe, which If we choose to be hon
est with ourselves, we may not trace u
our own imprudence. How abou
being struck by lightning, or sitting
down on a carpet tack.
English tourist to German tourist
"You seem to have been greatly bene
flied by your sea voyage" German
tourist {" Veil, mine vriendt, you vo
see been bedder as goot AZ drsdrade
budt ven l vos leave home, och, beef
SO bat, all der doctor in der vorl'
could do me no harm.
A Parish clerk apologized to church
dipnitary who had been summoned t
take a service at small village church
al am sorry, sir to have brought such
GENT eman az you to this poor little place
A worse gentleman would have don
L. we had only known where to fine
him"
Shakespeare alrvery well In hi
his way" said young man at the Hal
lem Debating Society, but
couldn't do the doll trick. What
Macbeth to the pancake dons in th
hat, or the money in the sugar basin
Answer me- that, now, what's Macbet
to them"
: Domestic Colloquialism. -" Ain
Won almost boiled ?" inquired litt
girl of a gentleman visiting her fathe
and mother. No, little one, can
saw that am. Why do You ask, Da
sy?" Oh, because l heard MANN
say your wife always kept you In ht
water"
"Clara, love but thee alone. lndee
sneak the truth" He paused-tf
blush overspread her cheek. She II
him draw her near. Scarce for emotio
could she speak, yet still she asked
accents meek: Chow much have you
year,"
Tom and Arthur have been rude
their mamma. Mamma has complain
- cd to papa, who is heard coming u
t. stairs. Arthur: say. Tom, here conn
At papa-I shall pretend to be asleep
). Tom: 81 sha'n't; shall get up ana p