The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1885-06-13

Tsras Niftinqs.


Nathan Waltrous, senior member of the
retail firm of Waltrous & McGill, of
Houston, Tex. The party addressed
was forid young man with forid
nose, forid mustache and forid hair.
He was, in short, quite Florida youth,
and his name was Theophilus Duggan.
Il reckon SO, he replied.
Can you be suave2'
(Which p
Can you support a becoming address
in the presence of ladies-politeness,
suavity, you know7'
'Oh, yes answered Duggan, Sin the
last place l worked the boys all said l
was the suaviest man in the troupe, and
rustler among customers.
what business was it ~
'Pumps-wooden and iron pumps
and hydraulic rams
Quite a different line from dress
goods and ribbons.
well, yes, but l ain It afeard to tackle
'em,
Mr.. Waltrous gave him a trial. The
boys in the store labeled him "pumps"
from the first moment of his initiation
into the dress goods and ribbon depart
ment. The second day a petite bru-
nette inquired for some chicken down"
nuns yelling. Pumps commenced
to sweat.
'What color is it p he blurted out
The girl only rewarded him with a
stony stare. Pumps rushed off after a
new stock of information and inquired:
is this provision store or butcher
shop2'
'Why7' asked a one hundred and
fifteen pound salesman.
Because there's a gal there by the
show case who wants some chicken
down.
The one hundred and fifteen pounds
of pure and unadulterated suavity wait
ed on her.
Show me some elephants breadth
cashmere, said an elderly lady in gold
bowed spectacles. Pumps dropped a
roll of paper cambria, and again started
down the road after some more infor-
nation.
whats elephants breadth p he
gasped. Hanged if 1 amt thinkin'
I've struck menagarie.
1T is shade of woolen goods, muir
INJURED another salesman, moving up
towards the elderly lady and selling her
large bill.
Bet your boots I'll catch on, said
Pumps, staggering before the glass
where ladies try on bonnetS and hats.
Another young lady interviewed
Pumps in the afternoon and said:
you know soutache on gray velvet is
considered very chic
1T is just the chickiest thing a goin,
observed Pumps.
The young lady looked grieved.
SHOW me some giraffe colored cash
mere,' she said quietly.
Another animal wanted muttered
Pumps, breathlessly, as he reached the
other end of the store. He, of course,
lost the sale.
Show me some crinolettes,' demand
ed spare woman with cast in her
eye. Pumps was nonplussed.
IF l was you 1 wouldn't get crino-
lette, he ventured.
you wouldn't sneered the lady.
NO, not at this season of the year.
I'd get pair of striped stockings and
a poke bonnet
The lady walked out.
what did she want P inquired Mr..
Waltrous, who had kept his eagle eye
on the proceedings.
'She was hankerin' after crinolette,'
said Pumps, 'and l don't think we have
them in stock.
These are crinolettes, said Mr.. Wal
trous sternly, and pointing to a pile of
garments.
Them Why l took them for base
ball masks, said Pumps.
you will have to do better than this
remarked Mr.. Waltrous, impressively.
There is woman up at the front
end who wants some Apollinaris.
Hadn't better go out and get her a
glass of seltzer p
Some more condensed suavity waited
on the lady and sold her polonaise,
moliere waistcoat, an ostrich feather fan,
and ten yards of plumb colored vel
veteen. Pumps was paralyzed.
you fellows have got the thing down
middlin' fne,' he said, pulling his ver-
million mustache before the mirror.
Evidently you have considerable to
learn in this business said the head
salesman to Pumps.
'All l ask is a fair show for my
money! returned Pumps, dejectedly.
what would you do if a lady were
to inquire for an imported jersey?'
what are you giving us?' whined
Pumps. This is no stock yard or dairy
farm.
THAT, my dear friend, said the head
salesman, SIS a short jacket introduced
into this country by Mrs. Langtry.
What if she should inquire for tour
nure?'
'Me-oh-Td-'
THAT will do, shouted Mr.. Waltrous,
bobbing up from behind bale of sheet
ing; you can just tournure back on
this establishment and hunt work in
lumber yard
Pearls.
When credulity comes from the heart