Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1885-06-25
Mrs, HACKEMUP ORDERS
JERSEY.
BY MEMO.

All things taken into consideration,
matrimony had not proved to be the
elysium which Mrs. Hackemup's vir.
gin fancy had fondly painted, when, as
the youthful CD and unsophisticated
maiden, Juliana Keziah Skiggs, she
had hardened to the honeyed eloquence
of the magniloquent DIR. Peter Co.
lumbus Hackenup. Various discrep-
ancies between the Doctor as lover
and the Doctor as husband had
Jared terribly upon her delicately SEN
sitive organization, while the unfilial
conduct of her children, Belinda and
Harry, drove the iron more deeply into
her tender soul. Although in her bear
ing toward them she was O personifca-
tion, to quote her own language, OF
Patience on O money meant perspir-
ing with grief" still their existing rela-
tions were at best sort of armed neu-
trality, while, for the most part, Belin-
da saucily carried figurative chip on
her straight young shoulders for Mrs.
Hackemup's express delectation, indi-
eating by her manner a decided 7lOli
me ta11gere which that lady dared not
defy.
1t was not strange, therefore, that
Mrs. Hackemup, although greatly cha
grined at Belinda's blindness in eloping
with John Heron, the high-minded and
industrious, but comparatively poor,
mechanic. when Greenberry Gordy's
plethoric money bags and mummi6ed
self were at her disposal, was never
theless relieved to be rid of her step
dau0hter at whatever cost
DIR. Hackemup, whose imagination
had reveled in visions of Greenberry's
pIo5iintment, Yielded 6imiss;elff is;lff' iof if time
to despair. 1t was then that Harry,
hitherto "thorn in the flesh" in the
ingenuity with which he devised
schemes for tormenting his step.moth-
er, with the natural chivalry CD of the
average American boy. came to the res
cue. Constituting himself her escort
and protector on all occasions, his deli
cate attentions to Mrs. Hackemup were
touching in the extreme, manifesting a
consideration and thoughtfulness as
gratifying as unexpected to the recipi-
ent.
Roller-skating being all the rage in
Hawkinsville, he accompanied her to
the rink, and, not content with this, in
sisted upon teaching her to skate. If
Mrs. Hackemup on terra firma was not
to the fastidious eye a thing of beauty,
on roller-skates she was fearful and
wonderful to behold.
Blssfully unconscious that the smiles
whiee eR1Esda Ds'a6snt JtAr &atifafnff4HaEa8Ae,
she persevered, undaunted by falls and
bruises, returning home each evening
with glowing account of her success
to DIR. Hackemup. That detected gen.
tleman interposed no objection to this
amusement. The rink was a fruitful
source of revenue to him, and when
ever the subject was mentioned kalei-
doscopic visions of crushed skulls and
broken limbs, which he would be called
upon to repair, fioated with delightful
certainty upon his fancy, redering him,
in consequence, most amiably disposed.
"Come nearer to the fire." said he,
blandly, to Mrs Hackemup and Harry,
as they entered his Office upon return
ing from the rink one cold night in
April. "Have you not noticed ah, that
as you approach the caloric radiator,
you become ah, much warmer than if
you keep at distance from it? Did
You observe" to his wife, "that, after
falling with force, you arose somewhat
ah, bruised? Do L prognose your
SENSATIONS correcCIy
"Yes," assented Juliana Keziah.
somewhat doubtfully; although my
nose wasn't as much affected as my
cheeks. There was something in the
air which made the chaps annoy me
dreadfully. 1 never was worried that
way before. No matter how much my
face was exposed, never was pestered
with chaps"
II should opine not, indeed, madam,
roared the disgusted Doctor, his tran
sient amiability quickly disappearing
before the lucid utterances of his guile
less spouse.
The majority of the patrons of the
rink having been reduced to the condi-
tion of helpless crippless, the manager
wisely concluded to depart for fresh
fields and pastures new. announcing q
| grand race en- costume, free to all, for
the closing evening.
Mrs. Hackemup and Harry were de-
| lighted at the prospect, but carefully
| concealed from the Doctor their inten-
tion of appearing en- costume.
Harry, it is true, ut first felt some
misgivings about this, and advised his
step-mother to 60 simply as a spec
tator.
"Well," snapped she, with scorn,
"you might at least suggest something
more opprobrious than decayed veg
etarian, the White Maid of Avenue,
for instance"
(which avenue" said Harry, inno-
Gently; "the Fourth or the Fifth?"
Il shall recommend thorough
course of standard friction for you,
Harry" replied the lady, severely.
"If you were at all we'll read, you
would know that refer to the heroine
of SCOTS beautiful pome, The Nor
mon.' But" animatedly, "as have al
ways been an advocate for women's
righteousness, shall openly proclaim
my sententions by appearing in the
Boomerang costume. Don't stare SO,
Harry. / suppose you know what ]
refer to--short dress, Turkey pants,
and a stove-pipe hat. 1t will be
uneekqu without being ooter, and,
pensively, II think il will become me.
As one of my old sparkers used to re-
mark, It's not your face alone, Miss
Juliana Keziah, which detracts, but
your figgur."
Absorbed in the preparation of hel
costume, the intervening days sped
rapidly by.
Il will be Moloch Of all I survey,
remarked Mrs. Hackemup, the night
of the race, as, arrayed in the Boom.
erang costume, she triumphantly sur.
veyed her reflection in the mirror. aye