The Iola register., 1885-01-30
THE TOWN TRAMP.

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miller case. II am considerably mix
ed about that last name and don't
know whether I have spelt it right Of
not. Some of the witnesses called II
Strobenmuller, some called it Straw.
benmealer, and some simply Miller
but from the way the lawyers pro-
nounced it guessed it's spelled some.
thing like have written it.) As
was going to say, that deed was pref.
ty good hit and the fellows that got II
up had a pretty good idea Of what II
meant to go to law. The lawyers
were laughing at it, (that's the way
I found out about it) as though they
thought it a pretty good joke. I heard
one of them say though, that he
thought it was "a little too personal"
~
1t reminds me Of a picture I saw
once. One man. marked "plaintiff''
had hold of the horns of a cow and was
pulling with all his might. Another
man, marked defendant" had hold
of the cows tail, pulling as hard as he
could; while two men, marked "attor-
neys" were quietly but industriously
milking the said COW, one on either
side. I never knew who drew the
picture, but I'll lay tener and copper
it, that it wasn't either of the two at
torneys; they are altogether too sly to
give the profession away in that fash
ion.
~
I don't want you to think have a
grudge against lawyers; the best friend
ever had, God bless him, was law
yer. Poor Dick, I wonder where he is
now. He went to the war with me
and stood at my elbow like brother
all the way through. Brave old Dick!
If his bayonet hadn't caught the blow
that was reaching for my head as we
climbed over the works at Donelson, 1
wouldn't be alive to write to you now;
and then after the war was over we
tramped it together three or four
years, till he took it into his head to
go to California, and 1 haven't seen
him since.
So as 1 was saying, I Ihave no grudge
against lawyers; they are an evil, but
like a good many other evils they
wouldn't exist unless there was de-
mand for them. Did you ever think
of that? Did you ever stop to think
that the people themselves are really
responsible for nearly all the wicked
institutions that the people themselves
complain so loud about? Here in
Kansas you are having terrible to-do
about saloons and saloon keepers.
Everybody is abusing the saloon keep
ers as though they kept saloon out
of pure cussedness and forced an un-
willing people to buy whiskey wheth-
er they wanted it or not. I wonder If
it ever occurred to Everybody" that
the only reason men keep saloons Is
because "people" want whiskey and
are willing to pay Zig price for it?
If the people themselves didn't make
a demand for saloons there wouldn't
be any. If nobody would buy whisk-
ey there wouldn't be anybody to sell
it, that's certain.
And that's about the way it is with
lawyers; if there wasn't any money in
the business nobody would follow it.
And there wouldn't be any money In
it If people wouldn't get into foolish
quarrels and then take a still more
foolish way to get out of them. Strange
that people never will learn that it's
cheaper to compromise case, on al
most any terms, than to 60 to law
about it. Even if you win the suit it
costs you nearly as much as if you had
lost it. In fact in most cases the law.
yers are the only ones that really win
a law suit. Unless fellow has lots Of
money to throw at the birds, as they
say, he'd better keep as far away from
a court house as he can get.
OF course law suits are necessary
and there are cases which
from their very nature can't be COM
but I believe that three
fifths at least of the law suits that 60
before our courts could be avoided il
people would just be little careful
and keep their temper and love their
neighbor enough to let him have
part of the earth and not want to take
It all themselves. As said once be-
fore, I have always hung around court
rooms more or less and since this cold
began I have been in the court
house nearly all the time; and I have
figured it out that three out of every
five cases are brought about by a SIM
pie misunderstanding. sTwo men
make a contract and one understands
It one way and the other another way.
This makes some little difference when
they come to settle, and instead oil
each conceding something they rush
into court with it. AS Puck said, I
believe it was Puck wasn'tit? "What
Sools we mortals be-"
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