The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-17
THE MERRY SIDE!

John Sherman Vice-President! Rest assured
an Ohio man will be close to the throne.
So
A young lady named O'Brien, of Troy, Ohio
lighted her way to Paradise by coal-oil can.
The Cincinnati Telegram has been sold. Th
stockholders were sold when they started it.
A condenser thus describes the girls appear
ance in storm: Observation-Disclosures
+.s
The light question is the engrossing one O
the time. Almost every town has its gas-swell
80
Whether Kansas is q Prohibition State or not
a recent fire in Dodge City destroyed five sa
looms.
Score a success for Cleveland. His messag
was as long as Sam. Tilden's letter of accept
ance.
Usual Black, a colored man died in Ironton
unusual.
A battery of artillery has been sent to Utah
What will man with ten wives care for a bat
terry of artillery?
Democrats are beginning to talk up the cele
bration of "St. Jackson's Day." st. Daltor
OuSnG 10 nave u OaCe, tOO
-
The young lawyer who was caught with hi
arms about his girl, declared that he was prac
ticing in the "Circuit Court"
+xt
"Little child, NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. comes
but once year"
Parent-"Thank the Lbrd"
Frank Noyes, of Wellington, Kansas, wa
hung in a gateway. Young men should heet
the awful warning.
An eastern man went into Chicago restau
rant and called for a a"Trichenosis." He though
it was a new kind of pork-steak.
+x*
Little Boy-"Pa, what is meant by 'the ig
norant classes?''
Father.-"Those who do not agree with ou
views"
"Ah, !' sighed the keeper of peanut
stand, upon reading of the death of Vanderbilt
"our wealth cannot save us, after all !''
Let the Ohio Legislature remember when il
meets that party was badly crippled at that
place by recklessness, short time ago.
+.<
"Kissing under the mistletoe." said the young
man, "was all nice enough, but the lodging the
old mans toe was terribly discouraging."
-
Even John Sherman has been made respecta
BILE in Democratic eyes, by the escape from see.
ing old Black Jack made Vice President.
Weston and O'Leary have started on two
thousand mile tramp, at Newark, N. j. We
suggest that they walk in a straight line.
Levi Woods, of Pomeroy, shot to kill hog
and shot Ambrose Phillips in the leg, but didn't
h it the hog. Woods is perhaps cross-eyed.
The antiquaries have discovered Cleveland's
cradle, which the President had not heard OF
for many years. And he has needed it in the
too.
Rochester, New York, has demonstrated how
to make prize-fghters profitable They shut
them up and set them to work in the Peniten-
tiary.
Some fellow poisoned the dog belonging to
the Gallipolis Bulletin Office. So! A newspa-
per man can't have any property at all, can he?
-.<
They are talking of a political marriage by
the daughter of the late Alphonso. 1t is feared
the lady might become an old maid. She is
now five years old.
horrible murder of the "Brahma Family, near
Plymouth Rock" That family consisted of
chickens.
There was fine floral display upon the open
ing of Congress. Many of the members had
saved up money enough to decorate their desks
with boquets.
A recent show company at this place were so
nlor hot foil fhor TO do
pot, and wouldn't let them leave. The leader
If the crowd was a constable.
While they were holding religious services on
scaffold, at Williamsburg, KY, preparatory to
hanging man, drunken mob attacked the
thus proving that men are not hung
apidly enough.
A hog butted narrow-gauge train off the
rack at Xenia and smashed things generally.
The hog was slightly damaged, also. What ex-
client boarding steaks that pig would make!
#s"
Creditor, meeting debtor, and looking up to-
yard the clouds-"Change, this morning ~ But
he debtor hurried around the corner, swearing
hat he had "been dunned as often as he would
tand it,"
We heard of a man, q few days ago who want
d a pension for having mashed toe, more
han twenty years ago. He had been limping
round all this time, trying to stumble onto
ension.
s'Now why" said the smart boy of the family,
ought the Princess Mercedes to be a great
moker?" Everybody gives up! Because"
aid the smart boy, getting ready to dodge a
hair, "she's got plenty OF Spanish to back FER i'
"Cold weather!' said the man to the gour-
lond who was devouring mutton roast, at
he other side of the table.
eyes, but like cold wether!'
"What stock is that COW ?" asked one Jackson
lal.
"Half Jersey and half AIderny. was the
eply.
"Im dead" screamed a Southern man who
,as shot, and 1ell into the arms of an Irish
-iend.
"Thrue to the last l" said Pat-"a lie wild yer
.st BIRTH ~
An enthusiastic paper declares that THAT the
epublican party needs is more Mugwumps."
at he argues from the standpoint of a man
18th the itch. The more scabs he has, the more
pod humor there is breaking forth.
What's the of worrying about the Indian
uestion. Just wait few months longer, and
lere won't be an Indian left on the frontier.
he Quack Doctors will have them all East
ancing war-dances, and singing the songs of
le forest.
"Wh-o-o-o-p!' ~ howled the boy who had been
eading the yellow backed book, as he -four
he'd an old pistol, "I'm Lasso Bill, from Dako-
er!-"
"And Pm Clap-Board SAM, from right here!''
houted the old gentleman, as he proceeded to
IN all the wild-fire out of the youth.
At Ft. Worth, Texas, creditors of the Mutual
and Benevolent Association
f America had to seize the effects of the Com
any in order to save themselves 1t was a
old and successful seizure. The effects were
hree hundred dollars, and the liabilities one
nillion.
dispatch in a Cincinnati daily, speaking OF
lover killing his girl with knife says: The