West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-11-06
THE JOURNALS RAMBLER.
BY 4 H%ArFIELp.

We come to u full stop, we viii ask
respectable West Virginians To par.
don us for giving the fact to the pub
lie.
He attended the public schools Of
his day. lie was so bright and in
dustrious that he soon knew more
than his teacher, and this created a
great talk throughout the neighbor-
hood. There was 4 meeting Of the
school trustees and il vas decided
thas the teacher. must 20 and that
The Rambler,shOuld take his place.
The Rambler had gotten the teacher
down in an argument in which the
teacher claimed that "six and six
are twelve was correct; while The
Rambler, with all his great minded.
ness, kHetC that six and FIVE is
twelve was right, and there was
nobody but a fool that would say
anything aginst the brilyant idee."
This action OF the trustees. il was
thought, would make a great man of
The Rambler. In fact, it would give
him a chance to spread out. Bnt
instead of spreading ont he began to
swell at the feet and the swelling
never stopped until it struck his
head. He is now one Of the worst
cases of swell-head we have ever
seen.
At an early age he began to write
essays, and they were so deep, in
thought, that the village parson was
utterly unable to- extract from any of
them a single idea with which to EN-.
bellish his Sunday sermon for the
edlhcation of the most learned of his
congregation. The Rambler now
had the village parson down, and the
news was hcralded beyond the
bounds Of the neighborhood.
We next hear of him as a newspa.
per correspondent. His letters
caused quite a ripple of excitement
in scientific circles. They were anx.
iouslY looked for by the psychologists
who, after reading the first one, were
of opinion that the human mind was
subject to freaks unknown TO spccu
lative philosophy or mental science.
In n of his letters he claimed that
Forbes, Smalley, Townsend, and
other eminent correspondents, were
no more than stupid pupils in jour.
nalism. Forbes never had the face
To write anything aftcrward; Small
ley left the Trt6uae; Townsend lost
his health, and Bayard Taylor died
soon after. The Rambler now had
the psychologists and eminent cor
respondents down, and the news was
hcralded beyond the bounds of the
ma2istcrial district.
lie next turns up as a plagiarist.
Really, in his last letter he steals
about half a column which was orig.
inally published in the San Francisco
Chronicle, and gives it to the intelli.
gent public rs original. We have
since learned that the Chronicle con
templates a suspension. His desire
for stealing crops out everywhere.
For instance Some time since he
asked a certain young man TO 90
to- the different stores and shops and
make 1t n business tn speak Of The
Rambler letters cum laude; and as
an inducement, he spoke Of several
valuable articles he had in his pos
session, and closed his address 10
the young man by saying: Al these
things aCiA / gi0e thee, if thou wilt
JuH dotCn dad ,CorShjp me. Now, the
above words lin %itslics) are the words
of temptation spoken TO the Savior.
on the mountain, and The Rambler
has literally stolen them from the
Devil. The Rambler now has the
San |FErancisd0 ChroNicie and the
Devil down, aud the news is spread,
ing throughout the. county.
The Rambier "a kind of sacriieQ.
ious trinity, one in three and three in
one and nothing in any of them
bpbs up serenely rs a critic. His
ability in that direction is extraor.
binary, Some months ago he criti.
cised the writing OF Corresponds mt,
in his fierce way Of doing things, and
that writer's first condition was
worse than the last. This so en-
cOuragcd The Rambler that he now
walks nearly erect, while previous to
gaining such eminence as a critic, he
was so hide-bound and hump.backed
that il was the common remark on
the street, among the boys, that his
shoulders had had a law suit and
that his hips had gone up as wit.
nesses and never returned home
Some Of The Rambler's criticisms
are remarkable for their sparkling
wisdom and originality Of thought
He has been heard TO criticise the
coarse and 1imsy style adopted by
Macaulay, in his History of England
and in giving examples of the style
he would have adopted, had he been
in Macs place, b~ystanders have been
brought to tears.
One example of this astute Ram
bler's criticism must be given here,
although we feel confident that there
are some who will takeit for joke
not once thinking II is a fact:
Not long since he was endeavoring
TO show some gentlemen wherein the
language used in the Bible could be
improved. lie said "NOw, here is
a verse from the 10Th Psalm The
heavens declare the glory OF God
and the armament sheweth his handy
work Now, / would have written
IL so as TO read this way Tho heav.