Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1885-02-05
A New Crime Under the sun.

2 y H +
When old Anderson Brumley an
nounced himself as candidate for JUS
tice of the peace, the people of Buck
Short township felt that the time when
they were to have an able and upright
administration OF judicial affairs had
arrived. Old Brumley had never OPEN
ed law book; therefore he was regard
ed as honest. He had never hesitated
to take off his coat and fight the best
man in the neighborhood therefore he
was considered able. He had never
been backward in denouncing his enc
mics; consequently he was regarded as
citizen of wisdom. With these ac-
complishments, his election, in the ex-
pressive parlance of politics, was
"walk over" Shortly after Brumley
took his seat on the red oak woolsack,
man named Billy Malone was arrest
cd for stealing grindstone.
This here is a mighty important
case said the magistrate, when the
culprit had been arraigned before court.
In lookin' oyer these here law books,
don't find no mention of grind-stones.
L. was big oversight in legislature
not ito put down grind-stones In the
books, fur it mout have been knowed
that some blamed RASCAL in this part o.
the state was agoin' to steal one. Folks
in this here part of the country, let me
tell you, will steal anything. Wa'al in
the absence o. any statuary burin' on
the subjeck, reckon I'll make this here
charge manslaughter in the first de-
gree
Your honor said a lawyer, that
would be impossible
would it p Wa'al I'll jes show you
Pm running this here court
Your honor
Call me jedge, if you please
well, judge, there is no such thing
as manslaughter in the first degree
Amt thar p Well,I'll jes show you
I'm RAINING this here court. Prisoner
at the bar, have longed fur opportu-
nifty o. teacEin' a lesson to the risin'
generation. You have given me that
chance. don't delight in seein' a
man fall from grace, but when he does
fall, thar amt nothin' that pleases me
so much as to tangle my hand in the
ruffles o. his calico shirt. Manslaughter
is mighty serious charge, young fel-
ler.'
Il amt slaughtered no man, yit,
jedge.'
'Shet your mouth, impudent violater
o. the sacred law o. the land. No mat
ter what you done, an when man dis
putes my word, WY he'd hetter wish
that his bones was made outeu Injun
rubber an hls back kivered with the
skin o. a yaligator. Young outragnr
o. the principles o. civilization, for this
great crime of manslaughter IN the fust
degree, | sentences you to be hung next
Friday
Judge exclaimed the lawyer spring
ing to his feet, this proceeding is inn
possible
rs it /? Wa'al III jest show you Pm
runnin' this court. When you get to
be jedge, 1 won't come aroun' tellin'
you what you can do an what you
can't
Great Caesar, judge, such a course
as you are taking is violation Of the
State Constitution
1t it Wa'al III jes repeal the State
Constitution right here. This feller
oughter be hung, an if 1 had catch him
ten days ago, whuther or not he had
committed manslaughter i'm the fust
degree or stole grind-stone in the sec
ond, which is the same, wuld have
sentenced him to be hung. Mr.. Consta-
ble take charge o. this man, an SEQ that
he is hung up in a respectable manner.
Any lawyer what don't wanter be sarv-
ed in the same way had better keep his
mouth shet. Pm runhin' this court