The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1885-12-25
A Philosophical Printer,

''It's all the dumbdest kind o. fool
ishest nonsens'," said "Whiskers."
otherwise known in the composing
oom as Slug 16, IAN Pm sick ont"
what is it?" inquired the "make
up" sweeping a pile OF foot slugs and
quoins from the surface OF the impos-
ing stone into the drawer beneath.
That's what it is" continued Whis-
kers ambiguously, knocking the ashes
from his clay pipe on his boot heel.
"Well, what is itl' persisted the
make up, "~slicing' afour-column ad.
into the form.
"Why, all this slushy chat about
success in life bein' the result of pure
devotion to ones perfesh. It's all
CUFF. Big lum tum% roosters what has
made their lucky, an' hasn't got any
furder to go to crafty ambition; men
who thinks their mighty biff-who've
got thar in great shape-they don't
cling to their perfession no closer'n
poor folks. They're Just as likely to
stuff an'enjoy themselves IN a pecoo-
liar an eccentric style as any O. us
ducks. It's been SO ever senst
Horace Greeley's day, an knowed
him an held cases on the Tribune
when Horace was:he palmiest. Hor-
ace was a great editur; mine you
don't say q word agin his editin' even
ii his stuff VAS hard to read-always
allowed me ten cents extra to set 1t
but it wasn't the ambition OF his life
to be a great editur, was it now"
well, we'll play it was, 60 on
said Slug 10.
"Play nuthin,' I say it wasn't.
But Horace got thar, didn'the? He
took the cake, didn't he? Didn't he
now, hones'?"
$50 IN, Whiskers; you have got
thirty minutes before it's time to
take copy" said the foreman.
Eyes, Horace made the rifle. He
got to be the biggest editur in thelan',
in his day. And then what does Hor-
ace do? What did he turn his at
tention to? Cabbages! Horace
wasn't satisfied with bein' something
he could be boss in, but he must 90
fddlin' aroun' with something he
didn'tknownothin' about an couldn't
handle, an the c~onsequens was,
whereas he could make big money
rurnin' q newspaper, his cabbages
cost him S1.sS a head. Bah!
"Then thar's Dana Charles A. Dana.
He knows how to conduct q news
paper, but he amt satisfied in that
way, not by a durn sight. His hobby
is hens. He thinks his forte is runin'
a hen house, an the ccnsequens ishe's
got chickens scattered all over Long
Island and Jersey shore. That's his
forte, he thinks, hens is. Bah! | be-
lieve in a shoemaker a sticken' to his
last.
"Then there's Hayes-Rutherford,
ex-President, touched the top rung OF
the ladder afore hequit; he's got the
hen fever, too. He amt satisfied
with political glory, but hemust try an
cross those poultry breeds as God
never intended they should be crossed.
Waugh! Don't talk to me.
can there's Bonner, another old
print. Me an him worked together in
the same alley, onct. He's a good
chunk of a journalist but he don't
know it. Bonner thinks he's q hoss
jockey. He's stuck on fast stock. He
isn't satisfied to run in the same rut
natur intended for him to run in"
Look at ex-President Arthur. Why,
that mar would leave the White
House door wide open an go off fish
in. ulster to do that when l was a
kid, but ! never did so after | adopted
the printin' perfession. Pm true to
my calm an chew me eff I'd leave
the White House fodder to rassel my
grub in It muskeeter swamp like a
country %picknicker. It's altogether
too lowerin' to the individual an it
stultifys ones appetite. Any chump
can go tishin'. Humph!
"1'hen thar's Jay Gould. He is SO
rich hecan heartheinterast comm in O.
nights, just a ridin' in like dead mat
terrattlin' into your cases whenyou're
distributin'. Hedoesn't know, though,
what he'scut outfor, JAY doesn't, but
he goes monkeyin' aroun' flowers and
hot houses, smellin' o. geraniums,
oleanders, pinks, Gala lilies an SIGH.
Never satisfied with his profession as
a boss financier. It's the way O. the
world, though. Slug 10, give us achaw
o'that plug O. terbacco | see stickin'
out yer bootleg"