The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-04-19
HUMORIST BILL NYE.

His Views on Communism--He Is No Longer
an Active Member of the Society.
New York Mercury
Dear Sir--Your courteous letter of the LIST
inst. in which you cordially consent to share my
wealth and dwell together with me in fraternal
sunshine, is duly received. While dislike to
appear cold and distant to one who seems so
yearnful and so elinging, and while do not wish
to be regarded as purse-proud or arrogant, /
must decline your kind offer to whack up
You had not heard, very likely, that am not
now Communist. / used to be, admit, and
the society doubt neglected to strike nv
name off the roll of active members. For a
number of years | was quite active as a Com
munist l would have been more active but
had conscientious scruples against being active
in anything then.
While you may be perfectly sincere in your be-
lief that the great capitalists like Mr. Gould and
Mr.. Vanderbilt should divide with you you will
have great difficulty in making it perfectly clear
TO them. They will probably demur, and delay,
and hem, and haw, and procrastinate until final
ly they will get out of it in some way. Still
do not wish to throw cold water on your enter
prise If the other capitalists look favorably on
the plan, will cheerfully cooperate with them.
You 60 and see what you can do with Mr.. Van
derbiltUend then come to me.
You 90 on at some length to tell me how the
most of the wealth is in the hands of a few men,
and then you attack those men and refer to
them in way that makes my blood run cold.
You tell the milionaireS of America TO beware.
for the hot breath Of q bloody handed Nemesis
is already in the air.
You may say to Nemesis, if you please that
/ have double barrel shotgun standing at the
head of my bed every night and that am IN
the Nemesis business. You also refer to the
fact that the seuth- hounds of eternal justice are
camped on the trail of the pampered millionaire,
and you ask us to avaunt. If you see the other
sleuth hounds of your society within a week or
two, wish you would say to them that at reg
ular meeting of the mlionaires Of this country,
after the minutes of the previous meeting had
been read and approved, we voted almost unani-
mOusly to discourage any sleuth hound that we
found camped on our trail after 10 o'clock p NJ
Sleuth-hounds who want to rambe over our
trails during Office hours may do SO with the ut
most impunity, but after 10 o'clock we want to
use our trails for other purposes. No man wants
to go to the great expense of maintaining a trail
winter and summer. and then leave it out
nights for other people to use and return it when
they get ready
do not censure you, however. If you could
convince every one of the utility OF communism,
it would be great boon to you. TO those who
are now engaged in feeding themselves with fat
beer out of a tomato can, such a change as you
suggest would fall like ray of sunshine in
thole; but, alas! it may never be- / tried it
awhile, but my efforts were futile. The effect
of my great struggle seemed to be that mems
hearts grew more and more stony and my panta
looms got thinner and thinner on the seat till it
seemed to me that the world never was so cold.
Then / made some experiments in manual labor.
AS | began to work harder and sit down less
found that the world was not so cold. IT was
only when sat down a long time that felt how
cold and rough the world really was
Perhaps it is 80 with you. Sedentary habits
and stale beer are apt TO make US morbid Sit
ting on the stone door stills of Railways and pub
lie buildings during cold weather is apt TO give
you an erroneous impression of life
OF course, am willing to put my money into
a common fund if | can be convinced that it is
best. was an inside passenger on q Leadvile
coach some years ago, when few of yorir
friends suggested that we all put our money into
a common fund and was almost the first one
to see that they were right They went away
into the mountains to apportion tho money they
got from our party but never got my dividend.
Probably they lost my postoflice address