The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-09-24


Beware of the secret order fiends He
is one who has mania for joining every
society he hears of. 1t is disease
which costs man much time and money
and brings him no good. 1t makes no
particular difference to the fend
what order he belongs to, SO long
as there is something mysterious about
il, and it is run on passwords and grips,
and meets in very high buildings on
hot nights.
When young man is really crazy to
join something, he will hitch on to the
Golden Rule Chapters, to the Recon
strncted Order of Indians, to the Hy-
pothecated Sons of Cabbage. to the Most
Puissant Peruvian Bark Peelers, or to
any other that sounds grand or gives a
sword-bearer in the concern the most
Importance on wet picnic.
Did YOU ever catch on to o veteran
ancient and honorable Odd-Fellow? He
is character. He always looks alike.
That is, one looks like another. The
veterans in this order have always held
Office. They are covered with honors
and they are harmless. On the ends OF
their names are the most wonderful
collection of initial letters to be found.
Spell them out and they are the most
Exalted Rulers of the Universe, the
Past Grands of Affiuent Ideas, the Vice
Regent Regulators of Destiny, the Cur
tain Fixers of the Inner Temple, the
Superior Brass Rod Handlers of the
Third Veil. When the order gives an
annual ball or picnic these mems
names and all their titles are printed
In blue ink on red programmes. The
Chief of Police or Judge OF Supreme
Court would look upon one OF these
titled beings with awe. Hunt them up,
and what are they? One is a little shoe
maker, sawed off and hammered down,
who never speaks loud. Another is a
tailor too tired to work, who is always
on committee, and who would make
your acquaintance for fifteen cents.
Another order which runs on grips
is the Sons of Temperance. The plat
form of this organization is that getting
drunk is sociability and to keep sober
one must have company. The Sons al
low the ladies, God bless 'em, to be Wis
itors. 1t is for this that very many
shaggy, ugly looking men embrace the
order. The brothers of this style OF
order are apt to be weak, but they
brace up on titles descriptive OF Worth
and Wisdom.
There are also numerous orders put
up to tickle the fancy and catch the
chivalrous. There are the knights oi
Circles, Knights of Modesty, knights
of the Great unknown, knights of this
or chat; but mostly are they Knights
IL &hax
ought to be ut home. Little weazen
faced, bow-legged fellows are knights
of this class, and they make people
laugh when they march on the streets,
though the gay uniforms make them
feel good.
The secret order fiend is one who be.
longs to everything going. When he
has spent his time and money he be
comes fraternal vampire. He must
live somehow on the order he has fast
ened himself to. He manages to hold
forever what few Offices there are tina
pay salaries, no matter how tired the
subordinates have become of seeing his
name year after year. A professional
secret order Office holder is terribl,
thing and is to be avoided. So is The
fend who neglects his business, if b,
has any, on the plea of working for hi
order. The advantages of belonging t
orders are not great. Going to the
lodge" is no longer good excuse TO
getting q night out with the boys. 1
is SO thin any woman can see through
it. Be a nice little gentleman, ant
without any secret order monkeying
You may receive a grip of friendship
from all hands and hold a passover,
that will bring you welcome In all goo,
society.-St. Louis Whip.