The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-02-26

hCAOk
TIE song Of the mill is always hop
perfume.
TIE latest returns husband getting
homo from the club.
NOTHING il impossible to him Who
wills-unless he is Q married man.
IT is because ignorance is bliss that
counting is SO much pleasure to young
people.
s.SUrTEs to the sweet" as the man
said when he took his young wife to
live in fiat.
A RURAL obituary relates that @the
deceased had accumulated little
money and ten children"
WHEN boy of Is runs away with
girl of the same age the proceeding
may be called verdant slope.
A WOMAN at Pekin, ILL.,, has finger
nails an inch long. Her husband goes
creeping around as if he was walking
on tacks.
The reason that it is not good to Dor
row q husband Is because 1t is not
good for man to be alone. "-Teras
Siffings.
Soft blue were her eyes and lustrous.
Her breath was the breeze OF the South.
He kissed that fiIrt on the forehead.
And got bang in the mouth
"How DOES the milk get into the co.
coanut?" asks subscriber. 1t does
not get into it at all; the cocoanut
grows around the milk. Ask Us hard
one. Huntington Hatckeye.
WE are willing to take certain
amount of stock in the newspaper ac-
counts of Western cyclones, but, when
an Arkansaw paper tells about q zephyr
carving o bedquit sixty -one miles and
then going back for the sheet, we
aren't there.
GENTLEMAN-Ah, Patrickl Warm
this morning. Guess the young peo-
pie won't get much skating to-day. See
how wet the ice is. Patrick-Never We
fear. sorr; list wait till the sun gets
little hoigher and the dice will soon
dry off.
PASSENGER to conductor Look here,
aren't we behind time? Conductor
Yes, sorter. Passenger-Then why
don't you run faster? Conductor-Be-
cause we arc waiting for two men and
a boy to catch up. Passenger-What
for? Conductor-They are going to
rob the train.-Arkansaw Traveller.
AN eminent savant wa introduced at
an evening party to rather pert Young
lady. so, Mr.. -" she said, Il am
delighted to meet you. 1 have so long
wished to see you. "Well," said the
man of science, @and pray what do you
think of me now that you have seen
me?" "You may be very clever, was
the answer, "but you are nothing to
look at"
THERE'S the girl with the smiling face.
| The girl with the witching eye:
| There's the girl with tue stately grace.
| And the girl that is modest and shy:
| There's the girl with the winning air,
| The girl that's reserved and cold:
| There's the girl with the curly hair.
| And tho girl that Is rather old:
| There's the girl that IL grand and tall.
| The girl with the dtmpled chin:
But the girl that beats them all
| Is the girl that has got the tin
A LADY in Coseytown discovered a
mouse in the family flourbarrel. She
summoned her husband, and told him
to get gun and call the dog, and sta
ton himself near the scene of on
slaught. Getting up on high chair,
she commenced punching the flour~
barrel with pole. The poor mouse
soon made its appearance and started
across the floor, the dog Immediately
in pursuit. In the excitement the man
fired the gun, killing the dog. and the
lady tainted and fell off the chair. The
man, thinking that she was dead, and
fearing arrest for murder, cleared out,
and has not been heard of since. The
mouse escaped.
"WHAT is the population of the
world, papa?" asked o-year-old Edith,
who was making up sums for herself
on new slate. "You must not inter
rupt me now, Edith" said her father,
who was writing at the same table
$50 to Miss Smith," referring to the
governess. Her father was not SO busy,
however, but that he heard and was
amused by her saying, in low tone,
soon after: II know how can find out
myself. I'll look in the back of the
geography for the United States and
for Europe, and then [ can add Amt
Mary's baby and Aunt Jessie's baby,
and that will give it to me exactly"
En-.
In one of the schools Of this city q
miscnievous young American of Afri-
can descent got into trouble. He had
violated one of the rules, and his teach
er concluded that his offense was grave
enough to merit discipline at the hands
of the principal. Taking firm hold Of
the young gentleman. the teacher ac-
cordingly started for the room of the
dread administrator of punishment.
The young chap held back, began to
cry, and finally cried ont, in piteous
tones, "Oh, Miss, don't take me up
stairs; please don't. If you don't
take me mp there, I'll pray for You to-
night" She didn't take him up
Altoona Tribune.