The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-04-10
Van Slvk.

avenue wit q a gentleman named Va
olyoA no had succeeded in scraplnI
III acquaintance with me. He belong
40 one of the proud old Knickerbocke
families, that helped swindle the In
liians out of Manhattan Island. Val
Slyck is very clever fellow in hi
way. He is certain, in his own mind
hat the New Workers are the smartes
people in existence, and also that he Il
The smartest among all the New York
,rs. He IDEAS not think, but know:
positively that it would be impossible
or Omnipotence itself to make New
York any more perfect than it is al
.eady.' He suspects that you are lg
1orant of all this, hence he reminds
you often, whenever he has chance.
Van Slyck has not got o. very exalted
)uinion of Texas or Texans, but he
vas kind enough to inform me that he
obtained that unfavorable opinion be-
ore he ever became acquainted with
ne. 1 believe he was introduced to
iiobs, the genial freight agent OF the
Sunset route, some years ago when he
was on visit to New York. l think
have partially succeeded in remov-
NO the prejudice in Van Slyck's
mind, but he has great deal to learn
ret.
AS we walked down Lexington ave-
Tue, Van Slyck, who was full of life
ind hope, he having had several hot
whisky punches, discoursed about the
advantages New York had over the
est of the planets, and he was par
icularly severe on the Lone Star
tate.
Nothing in the world could induce
ne to live in Texas. l would never
eel safe for moment. would always
)e under the apprehension that some
hing dreadful was going to befall me.
I'd be afraid of the cow boys" said
Van Slyck.
81 don't think you would be in any
LANCER from the COW boys, but you
night run risk of the cows trying to
sat you up on account of your green
less.
There is no security for human life
n Texas. There is no telling what
night happen to me-" said he, paying
10 attention to my insinuation that he
was greenhorn.
"Human life is very secure in New
York." replied. "You never hear of
my murders or robberies. Nobody
aver gets run over, OF dropped off the
Elevated road"
IF 1 was in Texas 1 would be afraid
20 walk on the streets on account OF
ihe desperadoes.
"They are not so dangerous.
'And then the people in Texas can
aot possibly have the culture and pol
.sh peculiar to New York"
"It's just as you say. The people of
New York like polish. That's the rea-
,on they 90 to Madison Garden to see
Sullivan and some other ruffian polish
each other off,"
Here in New York, " continued Van
Slyck, paying no attention to my
home thrust, ''every precaution is
taken to protect life and property.
You are just as safe on the streets as
you are in your own house. You may
walk the streets for hundred years
and never"
/ looked around to see what had
checked Van Slyck' flow of eloquence.
Really his flow of eioquence was not
checked at all, but it had merely
irifted into another channel.
"I'll sue this internal city for
$50, 900. o, but I'll make the bloom
ing corporation sweat for this"
Van Slyck had suddenly changed
MS position. He was down on The
side walk. One leg was doubled up
lnder him, as if it was made of India
rubber while the other was out of
tight down in coal hole. Judging
,y the expression of his face he was
lot enjoying himself very much. He
lad needlessiy trodden upon the cover
If coal hole, and it, like the worm
which was trodden on, turned, and
Town he went, barking his shin very
severely, and splitting his coat all the
way down his back. The suddenness
If the incident was surprising. l was
lot as much surprised as | was when,
IN one occasion, saw the editor of
he Houstin Age pay for beer that he
lad ordered. That did make mo
atch my breath.
helped Van out of his difficulty.
lis leg was not broken. which was
omething unusual in coal hole ac-
ident AS general thing the man
VINO falls into a coal hole breaks both
egs and Injuries his spine. l picked
% Van Slyck's hat. and having busted
t, put it back on his head. His nose
led from the shock, and he was lame
IL over with the exception of his
ongue, with which he made the air
lue with profanity.
There are no coal holes in Texas"
remarked. busting him off, but he
yas too busy rubbing himself, in sew
raj different places, and talking down
trough the hole to the wooden head
d idiot, who had left it open. The
alter talked back. From what he
hid infer that Van Slyck's ancestors
-ere not as respectable as he pretends
hey were. The man down in the coal
ole threatened to come up and break
very bone in Van Slyck's body, and
as afraid he would come out, and
i've Van Slyck another Irish punch. |
8 it was he threw diatribes and 7
hunks of coal at Van Slyck through q