The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-07-09
nUMOR.

Az exchange says that sharks teeth
haze been dug from an artes an well
1,2)O feet deep, near Jacksonville, Fla.
They mps. bury keepers Of winter ho-
tells very deep in Florida.
Mail.
"IAPA, where did the dogs get their
bark9" "Can't say for sure, my son,
but presume they obtained it when the
druggists, following Shakspeare's ad-
vice, threw physic to them. '-Boofon
Budget.
WE ken allus furgin er nuder pusson
easier den we ken furgin ourselbes.
EFF makes q mistake an fools roun'
de wraung man it takes me er laung
time ter furgin mesef fur not habin' mo-
Judgment Traveller.
AN exchange remarks that there is q
good deal more under boy s hat some
times than older people suppose. In
deed there is, but his, mother generally
finds it out when she goes prospecting
with a fne-tooth comb. Chicago
/ Ledger.
A CITIZEN stepped into Louisville
drug store and picked up q small bottle
of ammonia from the showcase. After
drawing two or three inhalations, he
said to the proprietor: Il see you have
got hold of some new goods. 1t seems
to be the right sort of stuff; just put
me up quart bottle OF 1.-THE IN
gleside.
TO A SCANDAL-MONGER.
When, obeying the doctor, you held out your
tongue,
You swooned when he swore twas alarmingly
red.
But, OH how much longer those swoons would
Had YOU known it but blushed for the things
1t had saidl
--New York Telegram.
A HOUSTON inebriate was reading to
his wife about the English in Egypt.
He remarked: "The camel can work
steadily for ten days without drinking.
Isn't that stranger" "No," she replied,
calmly; "there is nothing very strange
about that; I've known men who could
drink ten days steadily without work
ing. "-Teras Sittings.
ONE of our exchanges from way back
tells how the country choir spent the
time during one of the parsons long
sermons. Among other things, the
alto laid her head on the basso pro-
fundos shoulder and quietly slept for
an hour. She certainly ought to have
been put out, for when the minister
looked mp he caught her mapping on
first base. Portland (Me.) Press.
"YouNG Artist displaying o picture)
-"This painting is entitled Jonah and
the Whale" Possible Purchaser
Where is Jonah?" Young Artist
"You notice the rather distended APP
pearance of tho whales stomach mid
way between the tail and the neck? ?"
Possible Purchaser-"Yes." Young
Artlst-@That's Jonah. "-New York
Sun.
CONFESSION.
had loved her since first we met.
With Above cared not tell:
For feared mign lose my pet,
My beautiful one, my Belief
But poured cut OF my passion at last
While she listened with downcast eyes:
And my thpobbing heart beat fast
For dreamed might win my prize.
The mere thought flled my soul with bliss.
And, emboldened by fancied success,
pleaded far one litsle kiss,
AS a sign OF the msddens Yes.
Then her cheeks famed a sudden red
And knew what her bushes meant
Il will give YOU just one dear" she saids
Just little one for assent"
--.Somerrtue Journal
"AM on, the right road to the. viii
lager demanded d traveller of an old
darky who. was working In a field.
eyes, sah," said the darby. The
traveller pursued his way, but presently
returned very mad Il say" he shout
ed to the. old fellow, what did you
mean by telling ms that was on the
right road to the village?" II tol' you
de truf, deed did, boss" replied the
darky, "but yo' TUX de wrong direk-
shun, sah."-DraAe's Magazine.
"Do YOU consider him honest ?"
"Why, bless your goggles, Judge. he's
been q railroad conductor twenty years
or more" "That's.what / call volumes
in few words, sir. thought he had
roguish look. Yau may step aside"
Hold ca, Judge. / was going to
say what. sir?" "That / saw
him getting patch put on his boot
last night" "That alters the Gaze COM
pletely, sir. Why didn't you say to
begin with that he was an extremist,
and lot it go ut that ?'-0dicdgO
Ledger
AN american. while on visit to the
old country, was talking to group of
cocknsys about railway travelling, and
remarked that some of the fast trains
in this country ran long stretches at
the rate of mile minute. 20, that's
nothing to the rate they travel on this
side,' interrupted one of ths London
ers. 81 know the conductor Of one of
orr fast express trains who aimed q
blow with a club at man Standing at
little wayside, station through which the.
train passed, and knocked down and
killed a man standing at a station seven
miles further on. That's. what call
spaed. "-E9chdnge.
HER dainty grace.
Her dimped face.
They set me crazy:
Her perfect form.
Mid sealskins arm
She was daisyt
Her faithful slave,
DER her I'd rave
From morn till even:
Though Fate made me
Sixteen when she
Was thirty-seveni
Meath passions sway
| urged one day
| That we should marry:
She shook her head
And smiling said:
No. thank you, Harryl-