Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-08-05
PLEASANTRIES.

OONNElS cbIS hOW NAO1
asses ears" says a fashion journal.
So are dudes.-Boston Post.
ST. LOUIS teacher-Whati is the great
est motive power known to science?
Chorus by the scholars-Mules.-NcW
York Times.
A GOOD baseball player in Rhode
Island gets a bigger salary than the
governor of the state. He ought to;
he has a bigger iob.-Burlington w.t.
Free Press.
He (aesthetic, as they went down to
supper, laugh, d'you like etchings p
She from the country)-"Ye-es but L
don't think I'll take any tonight; it's
rather Punch.
WE have often wondered what lam
guage it was which the mule speaks so
melodiously, and after much study we
are forced to the conclusion that it Is
He-bra-ic.-Texas Siftings.
Miss MINNIE PICKETT will leave for
her home in Lumpkin on next Friday.
She leaves a good many young men in
this community to mourn her loss.
Their loss will be her eternal gain
Hwinton (Ga. appeal.
FIRST Lady-"Why do you keep
that small boy around here?" Second
Lady-"Why, he's my page" First
Lady-'Well, he's very pert. You
ought to get your husband to turn
down that page occasionally, so that
he can keep his place. "-BOston Budg
ct.
JUDGE-Why do you wish this wit
ness to be heard? observation-disclosures
you can place entire confdencein him.
Judge-For what reason? Defendant
Because he hasn't had time to con-
suit a lawyer. Judge-That is reason
enough. Let him be sworn.-Phila-
delphia Call.
The Gainesville Sun rises to remark:
Something is wrong. Two of our
citizens Of the legal persuasion were
heard discussing theology Sunday"
Nothing wrong in that. The great
head center Of the fraternity is said to
quote scripture as glibly as anybody.
Galveston News.
A VAssAR graduate being out in the
country, went into the stable of a
farmhouse. "Dear me, how close the
poor COWS are crowded together" she
remarked. eyes mum, but we have
to do that" 'Why SOP" $50 they
will give condensed milk" She be-
lieved it.-Texas Siftings.
My DEAR" whispered a man to his
wife, as they seated themselves in a
theater, II left my pocketbook at
home" Haven't you any money at
that be enough?" ''Enoughp' he re-
peated impatiently, ''it's a fve-act
play" Saturday Gazette.
CARE you superstitious, my dear?"
said Miss Birdie McGinnis to a newly
arrived stranger in Austin to whom
she had become engaged. ''Not bit;
but why do you ask?" replied the
youth. Nothing, except you are the
thirteenth young gentleman to whom |
have been engaged. "-Texas Siftings.
'MY DEAR" said a frightened hus-
band in the middle of the night, shak-
ing his wife, "where did you put that
bottle of strychnine?" Con the shelf
next to thepeppermint." "Oh, Lord!"
he groaned. "Ive swallowed it"
"Well, for goodness sake" whispered
his wife, "keep quiet, or you'll wake the
baby"
SOME parties in Hickman, KY,
NICUi11 w 11ofC lhOuSUCI CC1U-
fish, in the masticating sack of which
they found $50 in gold and So in
silver tied up in rag. It looks as if
this was another queer fish, probably
president OF q marine. bank-one of the
banks of the Mississippi-on his way
to Canada.-Texas Sifftings.
You travel through the country and
see some struggling houses and a couple
OF shanty stores and are told that it
is Bungtown. Acouple of weeks later,
under the head OF especial dispatch"
you read IN the papers that the "busi-
ness center" Of Bungtown has been
destroyed by fire, Gloss will reach fully
S15O,0OO." -Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
ais the coon a smart animal?" asked
a stranger Of old ST Jackson on Onion
Greek. "Talk. about coons being
smart" | should say dey was smart.
'sWell, how smart are they GA
coon played me de meanest trick
YOU eber heerd tell on. foun' hole
whar de coon went inter de groun',
and I waited dar all day long to shoot
dat coon, and when he did come out
he was polecat.-TexaS Siftings.
A DENTIST advised a man to have a
tooth taken out, assuring him that If
he inhaled gas he would feel no pain.
"What is the effect Of gas p" asked the
man sit makes you insensible, said
the dentist, "and you don't know any
thing that takes place." The man
took out his money ooh, never mind
the fee until afterward," remarked the
dentist. 81 wasn't thinking OF that, "
said the patient; 81 only wanted TO
seehow much money had"
"HELLo, Fred, you seem awfully
put out. What happened, eh?"
while ago. | tied on pretty girls
bonnet. The ribbons got tangled; her
eyes sparkled, her lips were cherry ripe,