South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1885-04-24


A boy in . rursi spelling school sat
down on Q word ot one syllable. It vas
probably patch.
An amusing story IL told Of lecturer
who in discussing on the subject of
Health inquired. 'what use cen q
man make of bis time while waiting for
. doc,ori Before be could begin his
answer TO his OWE inquiry some one in
the audience called out, lie can
make hls will
Mamma, who tore M. Bland's hair all
outf' said little Mabel. Hush. child,
you must not speak OF suoh things
Papa 10 bald. too. you know Yes, but
I want to know who tore Mr.. BANDS
hair all out he isn't married.
A ring around the moon is q sign
OF rain. A ring around a giirs
finger is also sign of teign.
ooAEThIS8 DBTTER.-Sne STOOL on
the front steps gazing at the eclipse
through bit Of smoked glass, aud the
old fellow stopped his team at the curb-
stone and stood up il his wagon and
gazed all around in search OF the at
traction. Discerning nothing unusual
he called out.
What is it marm-what's tho riott
The eclipse she answered.
'Whar 10 itf'
ON the sum-
Yes. does seem little dim up thar,
he said. after long squ,nt. but, Lor'
a.massy. It's nuthin' fur grown folks TO
waste their time over II you want to
see eunthin' better--sunthin' real
excitin'-come out hum with mo-
I've got ave>lsgged calf, 3
two-headed chicken and an oak
tree as was struck by lightnin'. and
you kin see 'em all without q glass an
have billed dinner on top Of 'em for
nuthin'. 'Clipse of the sua eh! Well,
now, how little It does take to tip some
folks off their balance r-Dstroit Free
Press.
mo, said an old Vermont deacon, x
don't approve OF boss racin', and when
another member Of the church becomes
SO goddess AZ 10 try to pass me on the
road comm home from church, I feel
it my daty to the church to let out q
little on the rsins, just to keep him from
putin his trust 10 earthly things.
KINDNESS IN THE EXTREME. Well,
deacon, have you RENE mbered the poor
during this cold weather.
Yes, parson, think of them very
often. Only yesterday poor, SILVER
ing little fellow came to my door with.
out clothes enough to cover his max ed.
ness. 1t was very pathetic sight
What did you do for the poor little
creature, deacon3'
Let him shovel off my sidewalk and
it made him nice and warm, he actually
perspired.'
Two burglars had ransacked the house
and secured every porta BILE thing of any
value. While passing through the
pantry one Of them picked up piece of
Geld meat and was about to eat it.
Whist, Pat = said the other warningly;
'av yes forgot plat day it is7' 'Shure
an had said Pat, dropping the meat
It's Friday marnin'.'
Sportivs Widower-How much bet.
ter y'are than wife, old Clockey. The
smaller the (hic) hour q fellow goes
'ome the less noise you make bout it.
Life.
Why SHE DIDN'T.-A young woman
from the country was suing her ex.
sweetheart for breach OF promise and
lawyers we're, as usual, making a II sorts
OF inquisitire Interrogatories.
You say remarked one, that the
defendant frequently sat very close to
you?
Yes, SIR was the reply, with hectic
flush.
How closer
Close enough, SOS one cheer was all
the sittin' room We needed
And you say he put his arm arouad
your
No, I didn't
What did you say, them?
I said he put both arms around me.
Then what2'
He Rugged me,
Very bsrd?'
Yes, he did. So hard that CONS
purity near hollerin' right out
Why didn't you holerf'
Cause.
That's no reason Re nxnIicif nlaasa.