The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-04-02
He that wishes by the plow to thrive
Can now enjoy q ride and drive.
Up With the Dentist.

With eleven teeth had 1 parted with
out the aid of anasthetics. Uncondi-
tionally surrendered them to the dem
tist, who was willing to receive them for
consideration. A twelfth must 60.
As took the chair of torture l remarked
that it was four footed Golar and would
hurt.
"Take gas" suggested the dentist.
"What is gas? 2"
"Nitrogen monoxide-the best anns.
Lhetic known. 1t is harmless and serves
WE'LL"
"I'll take it; give me enough"
The dentist brought forth rubber bag,
the wooden muzzle of which he thrust
into my mouth.
With bound 1 sprang into the air.
attempted to fasten my hold upon
something, but everything gave way
even giant elm came up by the roots. I
realized that 1 had but few minutes to
live. All my friends-I saw every one
were watching me. My deeds, good and
bad, filed past me. I will not say which
formed the longer procession. A man
to whom l had given a pewter quarter
asked me how I liked it, and said that he
knew would come to it.
Now was going upward, and when [
had reached great height l swooped
down like bird of prey and dashed
through wall of solid masonry-just
hundred feet thick by actual measure
nlent. A dozen times [ scared aloft,
and as many times sailed down. When
descended all the stone fences, cobbles,
powders and trees ran to meet me. l
hit then, ALL. Now I was ascending
again, but in different manner. A bal.
loon miles in circumference was bearing
me upward. l clung to its lower part
with nv teeth. My hands were in my
pockets, for the air was chilly. Above
me was the balloon car, and out of it
leaned man resembling the dentist. In
his hand he held an immense pair of
tougs. He regarded me with manifest
displeasure.
we were rising at fearful rate of
speed-so fast, indeed, that l could not
! shut my eyes. The wind blew the lids
open and held them back. At last the
man in the Ger said: "Now I'll pull that
tooth; you must cling with your nose
while I pull" l obeyed, knowing that
1 was in his power. The tooth came out
on the end of the tongs, and was placed
in the car. Soon after I heard tumult
in the car above. The dentist appeared
and shook his clouched hand at me and
shouted: "Confound your old tooth !
1t is growing so fast that it will crowd
me out. Pretty fellow, you are to shed
such 6 monstrous moler." | thought
this wa, very unkind. had not asked
him to pull the tooth, and how could l
be responsible for its size?
Again the dentist appeared and cried
in great wrath: II shall throw it over
board--lookout!" It did not hit me.
saw as it whizzed by that it was many
times larger than the capitol building at
Washington. hoped that none Of my
friends were standing where it would fall
upon the earth. We were now near the
sun and approaching nearer at Lightning
speed. The dentist sat on the edge of
the car, dangled his leg and smoked.
He had the impudence to ask me why
| did not smoke. 1t was so warm from
proximity to the sun that decided to 60
no farther. relinquished my hold and
shouted: Goodbye, old jawbreaker."
Quick as thought, insulted, indignant,
the dentist rushed for his tongs. "Pll
pull them ALL" be said, and as l fell the
tongs heightened and gave chase, but
could not overtake me.
After falling all day and all night, l
came near the earth early in the morn.
ing. AS l few downward, gilded
weathercock on church steeple crowed.
I considered this offensive, and, by some
unknown agency, arrested my flight and
went back to the weathercock and de-
manded to know what he meant by 1t.
He crowed the louder. This was too
great an insult. few at him, when,
presto, he began to crow louder and to
grow larger I WAS on the earth now,
fleeing from monster cock. The church
and steeple were still attached to him,
but lie had become so much larger that
they were no impediment. 1 remon-
stratei with him, but his only reply was
a blow from the foot that held the church
and steeple. He vas on the point OF
dancing hornpipe on my stomach, when
/ emerged into a new world in time to
hear the dentist say: "There it is" at
the same time holding up a tooth. Ibid
you know when l pulled it?" eyes; |
saw you and your tongs pulling, but l
felt it not. You we're great while about
it! How long have l been here 2" The
dentist consulted his timepiece. "One
minute and twenty seconds"