Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1885-01-30
Up STAIRS, Jan. &c, 1885

store, an Ice mouse, ana good correspond
ent TO the EAGLE. CRITIC.
Up STAIRS, Jan. &c, 1885.
| To the Editor of The Daily. Eagle:
This winter has been most unfortunate
business for your poor but honest CORES.
pendent. have been the victim of circum.
stances over which have no control. The
Internal jingle of the merry sleigh bells out
| side almost drive me to distraction. My
reputation is gone. am looked upon with
distrust, and some have gone so far as to
term me the boss liar. Most of my woes are
the result of my holding most unenviable
position in society-that of the "oldest in
habitant," and if there be any who are hank
erin after my place they can be accommo-
dated on short notice by dropping postal
card TO my address.
Getting railroad and starting new town
had the effect of bringing large population
to this neck-o'-woods, being somewhat
connected with things generally, and being
the ''oldest inhabitant' in particular, every
stranger that came along inquiring for in
formation regarding the soil and climate of
the Minnesota were directed to your poor
but honest correspondent, with the assurance
that whatever he might tell them could be
relied upon. Now under these circumstan-
ces. if you were to take squint deep down
into your own bosom, or into ''the>back files
of the EAGLE" you might see at u glance how
an honest man in burst of enthusiasm
might be liable to say things that would not
stand the test Of the most severe winter that
has ever lit down on "Sunny Southern
Kansas" In this my direst misery appeal
to you, knowing that there is one man in
Christendom who can sympsthize with &
fellow-mortal in distress.
In the months of October and November
the weather was all that could be desired,
and every tenderfoot from the north was
loud in his praise of "thc Oldest inhabitant'
and "Sunny Southern Kansas" and l was
congratulsting myself on a series of picnics
during the winter, and a boom, and peace
on earth and good will to men. But De-
cember came and with it grim winter riding
in an icy car. Then the newcomers began
to say, 81 thought you didn't have any win
ter herei" then tried to justify myself by
replying "Oh this wont last but two or
three days, then we will have fine weather
again." But the fine weather didn't come.
and was besieged on every side with fool
questions, and made target for severe jest,
and sarcasm, and reminded of what had
said last summer, till at last tried to evade
my tormentors by turning into a side street
or scooting up an alley, or lodging through
a livery stable, or in some way making my
self scarce. But no matter how l might try
to escape, or find refuge, was sure to be
found out and be compelled To submit to
another Interrogation. Says the man
from Nav York, why it is colder
here than where l came FROM
why, the farmers are blowing in York state"
and pointing to the thermometer, shows me
that it indicates two below zero. Then the
"Ohio man" says: II had no idea that it
got as cold as this here, just had letter
from my old home, and the trees are leaving
out, the strawberries are in blossom and
people are making garden" Then that old
blue nose from Minnesota with hibitual
hump on his back caused by lifelong eff
fort to defend himself from the billiards,
tells me they are sowing spring wheat up
there, and navigation has been open for
three weeks. don't know where the next
man halls from, but he says ''the Oldest in
habitant" and sunny southern Kansas" are
two Id frauds. am in disgrace, am
disguised with the outer world, have
sought the solitude of my chamber and
piled the stove and all the fixtures against
the door for bsrricale, where hope to
defend my position until the friendly shades
of night shall fling u mantle of darkness
over my departure, when shall escape
from the neighborhood in disguise, and be-
fore this meets the eyes Of your readers,
shall be on my way to Nooraleens. may
meet watery grave in the mud of the Mis-
sissippi, or be pulverized in railroad
but not any more 'oldest inhabi-
Iant' in mine. This Is the last you may
ever hear from Q broken-hearted