Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-09-09
PEE4S4ANTRIES.

TAKING the cents of the meeting
passing around the hat.-Texas Sift-
Ings.
BEWARE of limitations" as the
monkey said to the dude.-BurlingtOn
Free Press.
THE topper demonstrates the motto
that ''there is alwaysrum at the top"
-Yonkers Gazette.
THEY play base ball in Siberia and
it's cold day, no matter which club
gets left.-BostOn Post.
SMITH: "What's your baby's name,
Jones!" Jones: "Aurora Macbeth. J"
Smith: "Queer name for a boy, isn't
it ?" Jones: eyes; but when he starts
a roaring in the morning he murders
Sleep"
A SCHOOL board examiner recently
asked the following questions of a lit
tie girl: what is the plural OF man ?"
"Men" every well; what is the plural
of child p" Twins" Immediately re-
piled the little girl.
FIRST boy-'"They say you are a
coward, a liar, al Second
boy-"Do you know what they call
your" First boy-"What?" Second
boy-""They don't call; they just
whistle. Texas Siftings.
GAY old gentleman to boy, on his
twelfth birthday: IT hope you will
improve in wisdom, knowledge and
virtue" Boy, politely returning COM
pliment, totally unconscious of sar-
casm: "The same to you, SIR"
WIFE-You don't tell me that Prof.
X. has been struck dumb? Husband
Yes, last night. And he was master
of seven languages. Wife-Is it posi-
BILE? And was he struck dumb in all
the seven New York Sun.
A BOTTLE of purple ink was, by an
awkward mistake, opened for port
wine at q Detroit supper. The first
inkling the guests had of it was when
they wiped their mouths with their
napkins. Cali.
OVERHEAD At Atlantic City on Sun
day: First young lady-"Going in to
bathe?" Second young lady-''No,
I'm sorry to say" First young lady
-"Conscientious scruples?" Second
young lady, sorrowfully-"No; porous
plaster"
SHE did not mean it, but he took it
as a hint. 1t was getting very late,
and suddenly the gas frightened up
very much. "Why, what caused
that ?" he asked. Everybody in the
neighborhood is going to bed," she
answered.-Progress.
MENU-This was the name of
Justly famous man who invented the
restaurant. The institutions of
Menu" thus became popular through
out Hindustan. Between Menu and
the gate-post he was a greater man
than Guatama.-Chicago Current.
"BILL, if you could make a wish and
have it gratifed, what would it be?
just one wish, mind you?" "Wen, [
believe I'd say, Give me about as
much of everything as a woman can
see at a glance" Heavens! Do you
want the whole earth Chicago Her
aid.
KISSING is said to be very good
thing to make a girls lips red. A kiss
has sometimes been known to make
girls lips red way up to thereof of her
forehead, when her mother came into
the parlor Unexpectedly just as the
kisser and kissee were coming under
the wire.-LOuisViLe Journal.
as that dress comfortable in this
weather." asked husband. "You
look as if you might have been poured
into it." 'Do you think it stylish
and becoming" she asked. eyes, it's
very stylish and becoming but"
."Well, then, it's comfortable" inter
rupted the lady.-Detroit Commercial.
SAID an exasperated Texas father at
the dinner table: "You children turn up
your noses at everything on the table.
When [ was boy was glad to get
enough dry bread to eat 81 say, pa,
you are having much better time of
it now you are living with us, amt
you ?" remarked little Tommy Texas
Siftings.
LITTLE Johnny Fizzletop is taking
music lessons on the piano. He took
his first lesson few days ago. When
he came to say his prayers in the even
ing his mother took his hands as US
uaI between her own. Johnny looked
up and said: ''This is going to be a
sort OF afour-handed prayer, amt it 2"
Texas Sfdngs.
CHARLIE SMALLFACE isn't always
correct in his pronunciation, but he is
apt to state the facts quite clearly.
He rushed into the house the other
day with look of agony and cried
ooh, ma, how that tooth does ache.
I'll bet its ulsterated." 1t couldn't
have been hotter, even with an ulster
on.-Hartiord Post.
WHAT is the difference between a
foggy day, the Prince Of Wales, an or
phan, a baboon and a bald-headed
man? During foggy day the air is
apparent, the Prince of Wales is the
heir apparent, a baboon has hairy
parent, an orphan has nary parent
and bald-headed man has nary hair
apparent.-LOweH Courier.
ARMY Officer (at Washington Yes,
| have been in the service now nearly
ten years. Young Lady, suppose
you have had some narrow escapes.
Army officer turning pale at the rec
ollection)-I had mighty narrow
escape only a short time ago. Young