The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-12-10
~ undertaking I. to the kind care and patronage

aFliterary career. it certainly was mnch
later IN lie than most men commit the folly,
aor n1.e l nad passed forty-five years before
ever wrote line for the public eye What
little reputation may have made, has been
accomplished within tho last nine years and
l consider that owe all of this little to the
klndness OF the world at large, who, while
they have discovered but little wit or even
hunof, in what have written, have done
me the credit to acknowledge that MY pro-
auctions nave been free from malice min
all my faith, hope and charity upon this one
impulse of my nature, and that is, if could
nave my way there would be smile contin-
Ealy EEaliy On the 1ace OF every human being on
God's footstool, and this smile should ever
ana anon widen into a broad grin
u have not the inclination to go into an
enxIended account Of the trials and failures
tnat L nave met with since first put on the
cap and bells. but can assure you that /
would not contend with them again for
what little glory and stamps they have won
The bad spelling under which Josh
billings pregnant sayings so proftably
thrived was purposely taken on, partly
through fear of his ability to spell cor
reetly, and partly from eccentricity. So
Billings quasi-phonetic method became
all his own, and no man lives who can
flx law thereto. His was horse sense
expressed in the plain Saxon of homel1
people. He turned out aphorisms grin
ming with truth. If his lectures were
nondescript it is because they lacked
unity and coherency. not matter. He
was neither 'Artemus Ward nor the droll
and brilliant Phoenix. nor Bob Burdette,
nor Mark Twain-that everybody
knows; he was Josh Billings, kind of
Old Man of the Mountain, who talked
wisdom to the people with his books
and came to amuse them with the
same, expounded in his dry but humor-
Gus way, from their platforms.
In certain localities. says repre-
sentative of the Redpath Lyceum Bu-
reau, Josh Billings was in demand, and
could command one hundred and fifty
dollars for lecture. being called for in
tirst-class courses; but he was of that type
and grade of lecturer who does his best
business when visiting place the first
time. He WAS then u curiosity. 1t was
a joke of his that he was once invited to
lecture in Pennsylvania town. He
went, but found no advertising had
been done nor any preparation made.
He was referred to young man, who
told him he had been called there to ad-
dress about twenty-five fellows, who
wanted to lock themselves in, chew
tobacco. and be comfortable. Josh
Billings agreed, and got his seventy five
dollars for that star-chamber lecture.
The only relevancy that the title, milk
had to the lecture of that name was that
Billings drank a glass of milk at it's
outset. Such was the oddity of his life,
his thinking, and sayings. Here are
"Sum oV His sayings"
at il better to no less than to kno SO mutch
that amt so.z-
"a broken reputashun is like a broken
vase; 1t may be mended, but always shows
where the krak was.
'If you kant trust man for the full
amount let him skip. This trying to get an
average on honesty has always been a fail
ure.
''fhare is no treachery in silenee-silence
is hard argument to beat
Don't mistake habits for karacter. The
men ov the most karacter hav the fewest
habits.
''Thare liz cheats in all things-even pizon
IL adulterated.
''Ihe man who liz thoroughly polite IL 2
thirds oy Christian emmy how.
kindness IL an instinkt. politeness only
an art.
"Thare iz a great deal ov learning in this
world, which il nothing more than trieing to
prove what we don't understand.
commence at the middle of the ladder and
reach the top-and probably you and don't
belong to that number,
Zone ey the biggest mistakes made yet il
made by the man who thinks he is temper
ate: just because he puts more wafer in his
whisky than his nejghbor does"
Josh Billings had lecture called
''The Probabilities of Life; perhaps rain
and perhaps not The following is a
representation, the fidelity of which
many will recognize, of Josh struggling
with that serio-comic feat:
In 1873 Josh Billings lectured at St.
Joseph. Mo-, to large audience. The
next morning he went into the First
National Bank, just across the street,
from his hotel to get the proceeds of
his lecture-some $500, mostly in 81.
and 50 bills. exchanged for bills of
larger denominations. The cashier.
JOSIAH Hull, was temporarily busy,
and Josh turned aside to street
window to await his turn. Joseph G..
Corby, proprietor of the st. Joseph
Gazette. entered on business. He had
heard Josh lecture the night previous,
recognized him at once. and engaged
him in casual conversation, during
which Josh exhibited his ssroll," re-
marking that as he was on his way to
San Francisco over the Union Pacific
line he was afraid they would charge
him for extra baggage if he carried that
big wad along, and that he had come
to get it reduced. In a few minutes
the cashier was at liberty, the two
stepped to the counter. and Corby
courteously introduced Josh to Mr..
Hull
why don't you introduce yourself
firstP" said Josh, turning abruptly upon
Corby.
Corby made as graceful an apology
as a man could who was half-em-
barrassed and three-fourths mad, and
they shook hands and were friends, but
Corby will never forget his first
Introduction to Josh Billings. Toledo
Cor. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Prosecuting Attorney to prisoner
What provocation, Mr.. Smith. had you
for shooting the deceased? Prisoner
He called me Mr.. Smith instead of call
ing me Colonel Smith. That's why.
During the subsequent proceedings Mr..
Smith was referred to as General Smith.
Stftsuqs.