The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1885-11-19
NOVEL HERONEa.

10 inc men Oh thelr CHOICE, thlrty-nlne
have married the wrong man, and
either fifty-one or sixty-one have died.
As compared with past years, the rate
of mortality is low. In former years
consumption was very prevalent in
novels, and the hectic flush usually
came out in the third chapter. Although
there is some heart disease, our heroines
are improving in health, and marrying
earlier. 1t is a slack week that does
not make wives of a half dozen heroines
in the first sixty pages, and in one case
in five the lady starts as wife and
heroine simultaneously. In forty-sev-
en- cases mothers have tried with very
good results. They have had one hum
dred and twelve children among them,
ranging in age from one month to eight
years, and he has rescued seventy-onc
of these from watery grave. Twelve
OF the husbands of these heroines have
persisted in railway accidents, three
have been discovered to be bigamists,
seven have found rote on the drawing
room table that explained everything,
and the remaining seventy-tve are
really the men she loves, though she
did not know it ut the time. Widows
are coming in again.
There have been three hundred and
seventy-two blondes and one hundred
brunettes. Broad low brows are in
great favor; in seven cases out of ten
the mouth is little too large. Of
these five hundred and sixty-two ladies
four hundred and thirty-seven have not
been beautiful, but they had something
irresistible about them-perhaps pert
little nose tipped the thousandth part
of an inch. A good noseis thus no Ion
ger what it was. Dimples, when they
are not bewitching. are intoxicating.
Seven hundred and ninety-two ears
have been shell-like. the rest rosy.
There have been over one thousand
almond shaped eyes, of which six hum
dred and twelve have had a dreamy
look and eighty-six have flashed fire
while eighty-four heroines drew them
selves up. It is remarkable how these
statistics vary. In 1876 the shell-like
ear, which the year before had stood as
high as six hundred and eight, fell to
three hundred and thirty-two, and rose
again in 1880 to seven hundred and
fourteen. The ripe red lip remains
stationary; but almond eyes are ex-
tremly variable. l have known them
drug.
Rarely has the heroine been created
who, being herself tall and slender.
had neither sister or a friend who is
small aud plump. Where the heroine
inclines to embonpoint, as she has done
eighty-three times this season,the foil
has to lose as much flesh as the other
gains. With Dickens the plump hero
inc was decided favorite: She had a
great time in the Waverly Novels, and
is still much admired in Ireland. She
may look pale by gaslight, or wear but
simple dressing of white, but she
must have finely rounded arms. Four
hundred times this year he and she
have been the admiration of the ball
room. Fifty-six times at the ball she
has tainted in his arms; seventv-nine
times he has turned haughtily on his
heel-this requires practice-and left
her; one hundred and eleven times he
has gone with her into the conservatory
to propose, one hundred and two of
these meetings being observed by
dark figure against the window; and
in all but seven of these cases he has
omitted to say that if his wife knew it
she might not like it. He had smoked
beneath her window one hundred and
twenty one times. and one-hundred
and fourteen shadows have passed
upon the blind. In every case it has
been she. A hundred and seven times
it has been warm night, and as she
opened the window and gazed into the
darkness, her beautiful figure was
displayed to the best advantage. She
had sighed ninety four times and asked
herself what could this believe:
Seventy-threc times he has seen,
wretched man, the folly of his passion,
and called at her fathers house to bid
them farewell. Half an hour has in
variably elapsed before he starts to In
dia; and as he turned his face toward
that great dependency, she called him
by his Christian name fortv-two times.
put her hand to her heart sixty-onc
times, and flung herself at his bosom
nineteen times. He has gathered her
up in his arms one hundred and seven
teen times-here the plump ones are at
a neutrality-suspicious. her against his
breast ninety-seven times, drawn her
to him seventv-four times, taken her
head between his hands one hundred
and two times, frightened his hold of
her little waist eighty-nine tunes.
strained her to his heart ninety times.
and snatched one burning kiss from her
lips before parting with her forever.
one hundred and one times. In the
great majority of cases when they next
meet, the man is very formal, and she
filings herself in his arms and asks what
it means. She cannot make it out at
all. but the reader can. Either he has
been persuaded by married sister to
engage himself to some one else, or he
did not know what love was, or has a
wife in foreign parts. The poorest
creature of hero / have encountered
this year was one who was struggling
with a prior attachment. l had got
so thoroughly into the groove that led
to the other girl that rather admired
his lmpudence, and read on to see how
he was exposed. He never was exposed.
1t was ambition, and there was no other
woman.
Cousins are working we'll together.
Forty-seven have liked eacn other from
the first, about score have drifted
apart, but the others have come to an
understanding. Some seventy times
the old uncle or the Old aunt leaves his
or her money between them on condi-
ton that they marry, the one who re-
fuses losing his or her share in the leg
acy. These old relatives are very &C.
centric sometimes, but they have al
ways this in common. 1t is the touch
OF nature that makes uncles and aunts
akin. These arc but the gleanings of
my notebook, which is furnished with
much else that tome at least. is very
curious and interesting.
German Ladies At Their knitting.
l once saw German lady knitting
new toes and heels to pair of stock
ings that were numbered 60, 1874.
'Have you had those stockings 50