Madison times., 1885-06-13
A SCIENTISTS REPORT.
A Document from Bill Nye on Tuber-
cular Gum. BOils.

cuIar Gu1n. bO1lss
To the members of the Academy of
Sciences at Erin Prairie, Wis.-Gentle-
men: beg leave to submit herewith
my microscopic report on the several
sealed specimens of proud flesh and eth
er mementoes taken from the roof of Mr..
Flannery's mouth. As Mr.. Flannery is
the mayor of Erin Praine, and therefore
has world wide reputation, deemed
it sufficiently important for the world at
large, and pleasing TO Mr.. Flannery's
family, to publish this report in the
medical journals of the country, and
have it telegraphed to the leading news
papers at their expense. Knowing that
the world at targets hungry to learn how
the laudable pus of an eminent man ap,-
pears under the microscope, and what a
pleasure it must be to his family to read
the description after his death, have
just opened new box of difficult words
and herewith transmit report which
scrap books of Mr.. Flannery's immediate
family after his death, but a priceless
boon to the reading public at large.
Removing the seals from the jars as
soon as | had returned from the express
office, Ipourcd off the alcohol and reek-
lessly threw it away. A true scientist
does not care for expense.
The first specimen was in good state
of preservation on its arrival. | never
saw more beautiful or robust prolifer-
cation epitherical cell nest in my life.
1t must have been secured Immediately
after the old epitherial had left the nest
and it was in good order on its arrival.
The whole lobule was looking first rate,
You might ride for week and not run
across prettier lobule or more artistic
aggregation of cell nests outside peni-
tentiary.
Only one cell nest had been allowed to
dry up on the way, and this looked a
good deal fatigued. In one specimen |
noticed a carneous degeneration, but this
is really no reflection on Mr.. Flannery
personally. While he has been ill, it is
not surprising that he should allow his
cell nests to carneously degenerate. Such
thing might happen to almost any of
us.
One of the scrapings from the sore Oh
the right posterior fauccs found on its
arrival had been seriously injured, and
therefore not available. | return it here.
with.
From an examination which has been
conducted with great care, am led TO
believe that the right posterior rafter of
Dir. Flanney's mouth is slightly indurat-
ed, and it is barely possible that the
northeast duplex and parotic gable end
of the roof OF his mouth may become in
volved.
l wish you would ask Mr.. Flannery's
immediate relatives, if you can do so
without arousing alarm IN the breast of
the patient, if there has ever been
marked predisposition on the part of his
ancestors to tubular gum boil. | do not
wish tc be understood as giving this
diagnosis as final at all, but from what |
have already stated, taken together with
clinical and pathological data within my
reach, and the fact that minute, lobuat-
ed gum boil bactina were found floating
through some of the cell nests, have
every reason to fear the worst. | would
be glad to receive from you fol micro
scopic examination a fragment of Mr.
Flannery's malpighian layer, showing
evidences of cell proliferatIon. | only
suggest this, of course, as practicable in
case there should be malpignian LAYER
which MIR. Flannery is not using. Do
not ask him to take malp ghian layer
off her cell nest just to please me.
From one microscope examination
hardly feel justified in giving diagnosis
nor care to venture anv suggestion az TO
treatm ant, but it might be well TO cal
comine the roof of Mr.. Flannery's mouth
with gum arabic, white lime and gine in
equal parts.
There has already been some extrava-
satlons and marked multifoHRi.y /
also noticed an iuAamed and angry color
to the stroma. with trimmings of the
same. This might only indicate that
MIR. Flannery had kept his mouth open
too much during the summer and sun
burned the roof of his mouth, were it
not that / also discovered traces of gum
boil micro les of the squamas variety.
This leads me to fear the worst for Mr..
Flannery. However, if the gentlemanly
courteous, and urbane members of the
Academy of Science. of Erin Prairie, to
whom | am already largely indebted for
past favors, will kindly forward to me pre-
paid another scraping from the mansard
root of Mr.. Flannery's mouth next week
l will open another keg of hard words
and trace his gum boil theory to a sue
cessful eImination if l have to use up
the whole ceiling ofthe patients mouth.
Yours, with great sincerity, profund-
ity, and verbosity, BILL NYE,
Microscopist Lobulist and Microbist.
Hudson, Wis, Nav 8. Utica Observer.