Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-08-27

The art Of matchmaking and eldest
son hunting having been long since re-
ducci to a science by the mammas of
fashionable life, it has been thought
desirable to cmbody the same in writ
ing for the benefit of postcrity. and in
accomplishing this task the method Of
Euclid has been followed, both as one
which will bo universally understood
and as showing moro clearly than any
other the connection between the sue
ccssvc steps OF the science.
DEFINITIONS.
l. An undesirable partner is one who
has no town-hnisc, and whose income
has no magnitude.
2. a doubtful partner is title without
wealth.
3. Tue extromitics of ballroom are
the best to ilirt in.
4. A bad business is the plain incli-
nation of two young people to one an
other, who meet together, but are not
in the same circles.
D. When one fair maiden "sits on"
another fair maiden Uor courageous
illrting) } so rs to make the adjacent
company notice her, each of the listen
crH viii call it jealousy. and the fair
maiden VINO "sits on the other fair
maiden will be called ''too particular"
by them.
6, An obtusc angler is ono who does
not hook an eldest son.
Z. An acute angler is one who does
hook an eldest son.
s. A term of cndoarmcnt is the ex-
trcmty OF Irritation.
9. "A bluc-stocking is plain figure
having one decided line which is called
her crudition, and is such that when
forming the center of circle all young
mcu will be found equally distant from
that center.
10. A figure is that which is com
pressed by Il more or less confined
boundary.
II. A good figure is that compress
ed within an inch of the owners life.
II. Dali partners are such as, being
drawn out ever so well in all directions,
do not talk.
rOSTuLATES.
Let it be granted
!. That an eligible young man may
b. drawn by skllful management from
any one young lady to any other young
lady.
2. That an engagement for one dance
may he prolonged to any number Of
dances by II few iiUs.
3. That II visiting circle may be ex-
tended to any extent from West-end
square, and may be made to include a
marquis resident at any distance from
that square.
AXIOMS.
/. If your dauLht be married to a
nObOdy, the match is unequal.
:. If your daughter be married to n
duke, the match is equal.
3. Elder sons are preferable to young
cr sons.
4. Ii wealth be added to younger
sons, the two are equal.
5. II wealth be taken from elder
sons, the two are equal.
6. Two short lines may inclosc pro-
posal.
Z. If one young lady meets with too
much attention, so rs To make the in
fcrior angels ON either side OF her equal
to tearing her eyes out. this conduct,
ii continually repeated, shall at length
meet " th such reprobation at the
hands of the said angels IS shall lead
one to believe that they are not quite
angels.
PROPOSITION I-PROBLEM.
To secure an aristocratic partner by
the help of given Uinite) number OF
charms.
Let Il talent for dancing A. and Il
pair of fine eyes B, be the given finite
number of charms. Let ID be the aris-
tocratc partner.
1t is required to secure ID with A B.
Bring b to bear on an Old gentleman
c, whom you know to be acquainted
with ID. Tell the decided iiD f that
you are not engaged for this dance.
Then, since the decided iib + is equal
to very hroad hint, if the aristocratic
partner ID pass by at that moment, he
will be introduced.
Then with your captive ID. and to the
tune of the last waltz ont, describe the
circle of the room, and il at any point
OF the dance you meet the gentleman
&, to whom you are really engaged,
consoling himself with new partner
ii, let that be the point when the dane.
crS cut one another
Then since it has been shown that
your tine eyes b have had Il great effect
on the old gentleman {, much greater
will be their effect on ID; and with your
charms a B you will have secured Al
aristocratic partncrD. Wherefore, etc.
Q. l.. +.
"A. ~ Hcuthcote in LOngmams.