West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-08-07
HUNTING A DRESS POCKET.
The Experience OF Colonel PettingiII while
LnoIlnr for n'NnII.e krN.


Looking for a'Valise Key.
Colonel Jim Pettiugil. who is a stout
man and perspires . great deal, went
home to his wife the other evening aud
asked her where she kept the key of his
yalise, as he wished to pack up few
things and take the night train for Mo
bile to look after some important BUSH
ness matters.
Mrs. Pet;ingill told him to 90 up-
stairs 10 her room and he would find
the key in the pocket of her black dress,
which was hanging on nail behind the
door She further explained that il was
her serge dress With a vatican plat
down the back. and looped along the
front with small satin bows, and con-
tinued to give a geographical descrip-
{ on of the garment until Pettingill got
tired and suddenly turned on his heel
and left her
Poor foolish mortal, he did not know
that it was easier, as the Scripture says,
for the eye of a rich man TO crawl
through camel than for him 10 find
the pocket in his wife's dress. Blinded
by his own confidence, he took the dress
oil the nail, and that moment his suffer
ing commenced. He took "A short sur
vey OF the garment as he held il up in
his left hand, in order 20 locate the posi-
ton of the pocket His eyes rested on
small opening and he thrust his hand
into it, only to find his fingers gliding
through n kind of bottomless concern,
and then, sticking his arm into il mp to
the hilt, he observed that his hand was
protruding from an aperture on the
other side. This caused him to change
the position OF the dress, and he saw
another opening and sounded its depths
and ascertained that it was the same
mysterious hole nc had been in mo
mcnt before.
This slightly annoyed him, and after
throwing of his coat and vest and mop
ping the streams of Precipitation from
ms face, he again went in search of the
pocket. He saw "a little slit on the right
side, and a softer light came into his
eyes. That is il" he murmurcd, and
putting his hand into shallow founce,
commenced TO grope around for the
key, which, however, was sleeping
snugly IN the pocket at least two feet
away. Pettingill got mad and began
to swear between his clcnched teeth
lie determined to find the pocket or die
minute he commenced stabbing the
dress with both hands, and hitting it
straight blows from the shoulder, and
dancing around it just as if he was en-
gagged in Il rough and tumble fight. He
glanced at the clock and saw that the
train would start in forty minutes, and
once more he jumped for the dress with
low yell that indicated plainly that
he was mad enough to match himself
against hornet. He jammed his head
INTO the folds of the dress and com
menced digging with both hands, and
the air got full of satin bows, pieces of
vatican plaits and smothered
growls. Then he got down on his
hands and knees and chased the dress
around the room, and under the bed.
and over the chairs, until he had to
gasp for breath. While seated in "A
chair resting himself, he glared at the
crumpled dress lying on the floor, and
the idea occurred to him that the only
way TO keep the pocket from lodging
him was to put the dress on. He did
so and then renewed his search, but his
hands would slide into loops. furbe-
lows, folds, llounces and everything
else except the much-desired pocket.
This was more than he could stand,
and he determined to take of the dress
and tear it TO pieces, and thus DIS
cover the dwelling-place of the pocket
lie pulled the dress up over his head rs
If he was divesting himself of a shirt.
but 1t got caught in his suspender
buckles and wrapped itself around his
neck in peculiar way, and he stopped
forward and tugged at it with all his
strength, but it would not give an inch
and appeared to tighten its grip around
his head. 1t was hot and he was
Smothering in its folds, and i'm order TO
release himself he beat the air with both
hands and danced up and down in one
spot until the window-panes ratified
j ne dress, however, knew that il was
getting the best of him and would not
let him go, and then Pettingill in his
rage made a blind dash and butted the
bowl and pitcher oil the washstand and
upset the rockng-chair. which prod
ded him severely in the ribs. The next
dive ne made the bureau suffered, and
cologne-bottles and powder-boxes.
mingling with tin bath-tub and a bird
cage, rolled over the floor.
Mrs Pcttingill heard the crash. and
fastening upstairs discovered her hus-
band lying on the floor on his back.
with his arms and head bound up i'm her
dress, and kicking both his legs in tho
air, and using profanity of one hundred
and forty degrees in the shade. She
pulled him out Of the dress, and he sat
up on the floor and gazcd at her in a
dalcd way and rubbed his ribs with
one hand and wiped the blood of his
nose with the other. There was look
in his eve, which told Mrs. Pcttingin
that it was not the time TO talk TO her
husband, so she merely picked UP the
dress, and without any trouble at all
stuck her hand i'm a certain place and
took ont the key, which she handed him
without saying word. II was too late
10 catch the train. so Pcttingill quietly
bathed his bruised head and then went
to a locksmith's shop. and when he
came home he brought his valise key
with him, and DO was chained to "a bar
OF pig-iron. lie says now that when he
wants TO go away he is sure TO find his
key outside of h, wife dress pocket
~ o. Times Democrat.
Artesian Wells in the Sahara.