Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1885-10-10
Leaf by leaf the roses fall,
Yolp by yelp young chcrubs bawl.

1t Is tne Oiu, Ola STORY.
Leaf by leaf the roses fall,
Yolp by yelp young chcrubs bawl
The trap springs and another victim is
caught. The ministerial lariat Is thrown,
and another hapess pumpkin is writhing
and dancing on the airy nothingness OF
honeymoonatic deights-and the honey
moon is made of greenest green cheese.
One by one have seen my booncst com
panicns pass, ever passing, away 10 that
dread bourne whence no voyager returns,
save through Chicago divorce suit or the
expense Of Il frst-ciass funeral.
A few years since, a noble band OF hand
some aud high-aspiring friends stood around
me-fresh, bright, verdant young plants.
The matrimonial simeon has swept over
the plain, and where are they now? smit-
ten, blasted, cut down like the grass of The
fold, which to day is and tomorrow Is made
into hay to feed donkey or line goose
nests Faded, wthered, dry enough for
peasticks Alas! alas! what has got into
the youth of the land?
Caught by gigglc.
See how they wiggle.
In vain do I stand like he Niobe, and
with outstretched arms, implore them TO
halt and consider their latter end. The
tee hee of maidenly merriment, comes float
ing on the perfumed air, and the admon-
tory roar of a friendly Niagara would be
unheard. Heedlessly, needlessly scoVning
instruction, onward they are rushing, surg
ing, and pushing down to destruction, or to
matrimony, which too often amounts to
about the same. The young, the brave, the
ugly, the pretty, the silly, the witty, the
brilliant, the stupid, all yield to Cupid, all
seem resistlessly bound to travel the broad,
gudgeon. beaten path that leads TO heatific
moonshine, white kids and neckties, orange
blossoms, affairs and mumbling parsons, to
vineclad cottages up four pairs of stairs,
grocer's bills, wash days, sad biscuits, slop
coffee, seedy hats, patched elbows, faded
calicoes, drudgery, squalls, and varlegated
unpleasantnessea.
Adams wooing ccst him Eden, and got
him kicked over his own garden fence IN
bare-slzin trousers and 6g-leaf roundabout,
plump into the brier patches of an unknown
world OF sin, thistes, and cradles.
Lots Ducnea came within grazer OF
getting him turned into a Cardiff giant of
sacked Turks Island salt.
Jacobs courtship of Miss Rachel Laban,
who bosses the lemonade well at every
church festival, subjected him to fourteen
years of bitter slavery as wet nurse to herd
of goats, while all the other girls in the
neighborhood giggled at him daily from the
windows.
For the bliss of resting his infatuated pate
in the blue-check apron of dusky Delllah's
lap, Col. Samson, the great original lion
splitter and jawbone swinger, allowed him
self to be shorn of his wool, his strength,
and his glory, and played blind horse for
years in Philistine treadmill.
David had to steal his sweetheart and
bushwhack her distempered old father the
rest of his life.
Solomon's jularky made him a renegade, a
Mormon, and idolater; for she darkey'5
sake the Wise Mantle builder of that
magnificent temple whose golden spires,
elittering in Judea's evening sunlight for
nearly five hundred years, proclaimed the
glory of Israel's God to all the world-soy-
eregn, songster, and sage inspired-torsook
his religion and became fool, and burnt
incense in jewelled censers to stuffed croco-
diles and picked toads.
In pressing his suit with the "star-eyed
Egyptian, sweet sorceress of the Nile" who
was q mulatto, the father of our distinguish
ed fellow citizen, COL Susan B. Anthony,
threw away the sceptre of the world. The
grass widower Napoleon's second courtshlp
was his first step on the road to Waterloo
and ST. Helena.
All such risks and discomboberations you
have saved me by railroading me through to
marriage without love and courtship-but
guess, if the yellow back scriptures are true,
You have cut me out of lots of fun.
Married To be married! Well, hardly.
What is married but mismated, too often
marred? Nature plays many high old quips
and quirks, and kicks up her venerable heels
in countless cau-can pirouettes and whirli'
GIGS. She stufs aPresident with apeanut ped
dler's soul and makes hero's heart throo
beneath the ragged waistcoat of q scavenger
She drapes galvanized oyster wenches, OF
worse, in the rich laces and brocades O.
Senator's, Governors, and Cabinet Minis
ters' wives, and encloses the spirit of a sain
or q martyr in the dingy tatters of g char
woman or beggar. She wraps courage
gratitude, and affection in the hide of dog
and swaddles baseness and brutality II
broadcloth and fine linen. She permits two
legged donkeys to bray in all our legislatlv'
halls and dine at our Delmonicoes' Will,
their superiors in eyery worthy quality anC