Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-09-10
Hints 70 a Yn,ang Editor.

There arc All astonishing number Of
people who Imagine that the editor IS
always suffering for something to fill
up with. One of these would-be pa
irons OF The press will stroll into n
sanctum, with something under his
arm, about the size and shape of 4 bot
tic wrapped mp in an cid newspaper
and. with an air Of q philanthropist be-
slowing aims on a mendicant, will
drawl out: Il thought you needed
something to fill up on, so ] have Just
brought you something good TO put on
your inside. If the editor is a green
hand, and has just started in the busi-
ness. lie interprets the remark of tho
woald=be-patron 10 mean that the
package under the intruder's arm is
something good to eat or drink. and
is intended for the inside Of the editor
Under this pleasing delnsion. The green
editor face lights up with happy
smile, and he reaches out for the nour-
ishmenl, remarking; II am very much
in need Of something to ill up with,
aud there is plenty of room on my in
side for anything good you have got =
The visitor not catching on, replies:
Il am glad to hear you say so. Please
print this manuscript sermon OF the
Rev. John Wesley Baxter. my de-
ceased uncle, who was recently eaten
alive in one of the South Sea islands.
The sermon will fill up four or five
columns of the inside of your valuable
paper nicely. You can give me 100
copies, and LII not make any charge
for the sermon. Next week help you
till up with biographical sketch OF
myself. =
Now is the time for the editor to act
Ii he hesitates he is lost. Ii the would
be patron is a small man. perhaps the
best reply is TO knock him down with
his uncle's sermon, and cayort about
on his PROSTATE body, after which
anoint the scoundrel by pouring the
contents of the ink bottle and paste
pot over his miserable head and tele-
phone for policeman to drag him oat.
That course may not make your paper
popular with the intruder, but it will
give il boom with the general public
who know him, and save you much
annoyance in the future
Ii you do not desire to resort to such
extreme measures, owing to the size of
the would-be contributor, take the
manuscript, look it over, count the
pages and the number OF lines on each
page, multiply them together. and
then multiply the product by twenty
five cents fine. After you have done
that, add ten dollars for loss of time in
entertaining the iiend who wants to
till up your inside with manuscript SER
mons, and tell him that you will pub
lish his effort when the cash is forth
coming, and not previously.
The young editor who does not
adopt one of these courses is lost If
he tells the would-bc patron that lie
Will publish it, ut some future day, the
bore will do as the patient boy did,
who was sent to borrow some clabber
from n ncighbor, and was told that the
milk had not soured yet The boy
took Il seat complaeentiy, and re-
plies; "Then I'll wait till it sours.
Never make an excuse that the con-
tribution is too long to appear in your
paper for if you do, he will sit down,
borrow your scissors and pencil, and
cut il down to suit or rather not 10
suit you. The only way TO prevent
your paper from becoming debilitat-
ed orphan asylum for the feeble. Grip
pied, and insane literary offspring OF
every scribbler in the country, is TO
adopt at the beginning one of the
methods we have suggested. The Sue
cess OF 4 newspaper depends as much
on what is kept out OF its columns, rs
on what appears N it,-r7A e.. u. SWcet,
IN Ark0pSGtC 1'ydce or.