Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-07-30
Aaaturoas department.
THE ALMANAC COAT.

THE ALMANAC COAT.
"Herman," said Hoffenstein, as he enter
ed the store and hung his hat on nail, ~
hat shust had big SURPRISE, you know"
elbow vas dat, Misder Hoffenstein?" in
quired Herman, noticing that the old man
was in a good humor.
"Vell, you see, 1 goes up NIT de exbo-
zitien dis morning und vat you dink, 1
meets Jake Loewenburg and Solomon Ny
ers, vat vas old frents uf mine in Vicks-
burg twenty-five years ago. Lowenburg
und vas selling beads und oder leetle dings,
and Myers told me dat he vas dere as an
Egyptian, und vhas making blenty of mon
ey. Veil, ven see dose fellows it dakes
my breath right away, because I dinks dey
vas ted. Myers broder Jake vas courting
nv wife Leah at the same time vas, und
We was great frents. Myers dells me dat
Jake failed in pisness at Leedle Rock q
shortxile ago und vas doing veil, because
he fails on one side uf his store und runs
de eoder.'
Hoffenstein smiled pleasantly at the idea,
and walked to the door and looked down
the street, and as he did so customer came
What can do for you, my frent"' he
, II want to get a good coat, but one that
is cheap. Pm a farmer, and 60 in for COM
fort more than do for STYLE"
''You vos right about dot, my trent, and
I dinks dot can fit you with good artl-
Gle at an easy brice. Now, here vos a coat
for So vich is de very ding you want" and
he pulled a coat out of pile of rather tough
looking clothing. .''i' w. =,
The customer commenced to examine IL,
but suddenly lifted his nose and exclaimed:
"WheW by lingo! there is last years
smell about this coat that is not pleasant.
What have you been doing with it?''
81 knew you vos going to say dot,",' said
Hoffenstein in nonchalant "Way, all my
customers say dot ven dey look at de coat
because dey don't know it. vas one uf dose
almanac, disinfecting coats vich hat Fshust
been put on de market not more as dree
months ago. De coat vot you hat in your
hand vas soaked in de vull factory we're it
vas made nit preparation expressly for
de purpose of geeping the cholera away,
und my bruder vot lifs in Europe writes
me last week dot de Prussian government
Won't let de people year any oder kind, SO
dot uf de cholera comes along dey WI
geep helty, you know. Herman, look IN
my desk und get my bruder Ike's letter,
vich you shows de gentleman. No, meter
mind. l forget dot 7 leaves dot letter NIT
my wife dis morning. Ny trent, dot coat
vos better for the cholery den all the doc,
tors und de medicine vot you can hat, und
de smell uf de preparation goes right away
ven YOU goes out NIT de air. Put on de
coat, my trent, und We sees how 1t hts' you
know"
The customer did so, and surveyed first
one side of himself and then the other by
the aid of the dingy mirror in the rear OF
the store. .'tA -SS q "a
'sWy do you call it an almanac coat?"
asked the customer who was rather pleased
with the cut of the coat.
because it vos made EXPRESSLY for gen
tlemen vot lifS on farm, und 1T viii dell
YOU how, de vedah will pc, und vot to do to
safe your crop. You see de changes in de
vedder hat de same effect on dot coat as
dey hat on so much quicksilver, und V0s
dWice as more reliable. Ven you see .de
coat commence to turn red around de collar
it vas sign dat dere is a full moon und 1T
yhas time to blant water MELONS, und ven
de tail of de coat shrinks und de buttons on
it 90 hat way up your back shust look oud
for bad, vet vedder, und don't pull fodder,
YOU know Ven de buttons drop den you
know dot de vedder will pc fine und you
can act accordingly. You take my advice
und buy dot coat, und you will find dot you
makes bedder grobs den any Won we're you
Ifs" .'r.a,.' .M... -
The customer appeared to be satisfied,
and after purchasing the coat and leaving
the store, Hoffenstein said: Herman,
vas shust blinking de oder day dot would
gif dotold shob lot away do some orphan
asylum, because it hat been in de stock efer
since de var, und it smells de whole store
up. I dink We bedder geep ita vile long
er, und work it off nit de almanac scheme"
and again he,walked to the door in the hope
that another customer would come in.-NeU
Orleans Times Democrat. 49,.