St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-04-26
POINTS OF VIEW.

Old Woman--Yes there is, and he'll find
it out some day.
Old Maid-He is the wickedest man in
the world, and that is saying good deal.
If [ had known what it was like | never
would have gone.
Old Bachelor-He seems to think good
deal of his family, but that is probably put
Oh for effect.
Stock Broker-He is good speaker and
it's worth dollar to hear him, but his ideas
of right and wrong would ruin him Oh Wall
street.
Fashionable Lady-They say his wife and
daughters dress very plainly. He ought to
be ashamed of himself, making the money
that he does.
Prominent Politician-His ideas are mine
exactly. This notion of future punishment
is the rankest kind of nonsense.
WITHOUT REGARD TO PRICE.
A stranger entered barroOm on the west
side and called for whisky. In one corner
of the room lay man in the last stages of
| intOXicatiOn.
Twill you have 10 or Is cent goods?"
asked the bartender
Ibid that man in the corner get his load
here?"
"Well, yes" admitted the bartender, 81
believe | did sell him few drinks''
''Gimme the same kind you gave him."
THE LIFE OF TRADE.
''How is your business flourishing, dea-
COM" asked the minister of Brother B., a
retail grocer.
Very fairly, but too much competition
is cutting down the profits. You don't find
that trouble in your line," laughed the dea-
con.
Il don't know about that" replied the
good man, shaking his head, ''since | have
been pursuing my labors among you people
here | have found quite formidable COM
petitor in Satan.
In telegraphic account of runaway in
Cincinnati among the list of injured was
Miss Reynolds, who was walking down the
street with her mother, had narrow eS-
cape, as the horse passed between them; she
had her clothes torn. Several others were
less seriously hurt" Probably the others
did not have their clothes torn.
MEANINGLESS EXPRESSIONS.
Many people have bad habit of making
use of phrases such as You don't say SOP"
''Is it possible?" ''They say" this or ''they
say" that, and other meaningless express
sions that become exceedingly tiresome.
jim Malcom's favorite is Good! I'm
glad to hear it, which he uses upon all oc-
casiOns. Recently he returned home after
a somewhat prolonged absence, and meet
ing an acquaintance on the street shook
hands with him and said:
well, how has business been with you,
old man?"
Every fair" was the reply, ''Fve no
cause to complain"
Good! I'm glad to hear it. You're
looking first rate"
Eyes. I'm very we'll"
Good! I'm glad to hear it. Wife well?"
''My wife died month ago"
Good! I'm glad to hear it,"
People should break themselves of this
sort of foOlshnesS.
REVERED CITIZEN.
A number of Kentucky citizens We're
standing on a corner discussing politics
when feeble old man with white locks
passed slowly by. Instantly every head was
uncovered.
"Who is that old gentleman?" asked a
stranger.
''Who is that old gentleman" repeated
one of the crowd in wondering surprise.
SIS it possible that live to hear that ques-
ton? Why. stranger, that old gentleman
is the inventor of the hip pocket"
A FAVORABLE SYMPTOM.
Mrs. B. (anxiOusly)-Is there any hope
or my husband, doctor?
Doctor-TO be frank with you. Mrs. B.,
yoJr husband is very sick man; but | have |
lost eleven similar cases within the past
fortnight and there must be a change in
slcl luck sometime.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Fcture dealer (to old Mr.. Remington)
That is a Rembrant sir.
Cd Mr.. RemingtOn-A what?
Picture Dealer-A Rembrant.
DID Mr. Remington-Oh, remnant | |
shdld say it was a remnant; looks though |
il lad ben lmOckin' round for years. The !
dolwoman would 90 into fits If / should !
tale that picture home.
PARTISAN DIPLOMACY.
hench DIPLOMAT link. Mees Cleve- |
LAM, Eat re president, your fazzer, ees Won
gra,de-vat you call heem-vOn grande |
statesman.
Mss observation-disclosures me. Monsieur |
Alanode. but the president is my brother,
not ny father
Frmch Diplomat-Pas possible!
DIFFERENT PARTS OF TURKEY.
\ Rdy who had been abroad was enthu- |
siastf over her visit to Turkey.
III what part of the country did you /
spen, most of the time?" asked young |
man. in the large towns?"
no. we preferred the Queter spots that !
are little frequented by tourists. We re-
maind several weeks in the furthermost /
end o the country and had some delightful /
experiences
''OL yes" said the young man. who is 1
possessed Of fine sense Of humOr, You /
preferred that part Of Turkey which goes /
over tie fence last
A WALKING ENCYCLOPEDIA. !
Ton. who is just out of college was told /
by his pretty cousin to whom he had given +
some GIsired information. that he was "a
regular walking encyclopedia"
.'Ah l don't know" sighed Tom, wear
ily.
''Dolit you know most everything,
Tom?"
Perhaps do: but If l don't feel better
than hive for day OF two past l shant /
want to DO very much walking.
THE NEW VERSION.
That beautiful old poem:
s-Oh. what's the use
OF chewing tobacco and splitting out the /
juice
has been rewritten by DR.. Flint OF New
FORK who thinks that many lives are lost
owing to an overestimate Of the nutritive
value OF beef tea. The new version is:
'-Oh. what's the use
OF throwing away fibre and swallowing
Juice"
APPLIED EXTERNALLY.
Mother-Was baby quiet while | was
out Bridget?
Bridget frecent importation)-Sh was,
NUM-
Mother-You gave her some soothing
syrup. as told you?
BTidget-Tes MUM gave her whole
jug full from the pantry an she's in the