The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-03-20
MY FIRST MURDER
Reasons for Committing It, and
Why It Shall Be My Last.

never realized, until quite lately,
what a lot the fellows who write hooks
and things have to answer for For in
stance, am pretty sure that l should
never have thought of committing MUIR
der but for particular article in the
Cor,ahiN Magazine. don't often read
magazine articles, but this one was
brought to my notice in rather excep-
tional way. 1 had occasion to pay a
visit to my dentist, and on being shown
into his waitingroom observed at once
that there was an addition to the cur
rent literature upon the table. l had
been there (rom circumstances over
which l have unfortunately no controD
so frequently that knew the list by
heart. i had tried them all, at various
times, and had found them, without ex-
ceptlon, vanity. Under such circum-
stances, 1t may be imagined that /
caught sight of the familiar yellow cover
-~of the CornhiU with much satisfaction.
/ found, to my surprise, that it was a
quite recent number, bearing date Sep
TENDER last L bounced upon it, and
was soon deep in a highly interesting
story, entitled, THE Curate of Churn-
side" 1t set forth how a nice young
curate, by name Walter Dene, of
charming manners and artistic tastes
a man who showed the tenderest
solicitude for little sick girls, and a
touching consideration even for their
aged OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES impelled, by
&c nIr - Jn,,
his uncle. / had always had a
prejudice against murderers. whom 1
pictured to myself as vulgar and brutal
persons like the late Mr.. Peace, but
began TO see that there might be another
side to the question. The story showed,
in the clearest and most unmistakable
manner, that Walter Dene really had
no alternative. He had not the least
wish to murder his uncle, but the old
gentleman formed an obstacle to Wal
ter s union with an amiable and deserv-
ing young lady, and il was absolutely
necessary that he should be removed.
Accordingly. Walter makes up his mind
to remove him, and does so, stabbing
him artistically in the back with a
bowie-knife. 1t shows the natural
kind-heartedDesS of the man, that hav-
ing, in withdrawing the knife, acct
dentally wounded the paw of the muir
dered mans favorite spaniel, Walter
Dene sits down quietly by the side of
the corpse. and binds up the dogs
wounded limb with his own pocket
handkerchief. had reached this point
In the story, when the folding-doors
.opened. My dentist appeared in the
opening, with his usual crocodile smile
q never could realize crocodiles' tears,
but | can picture their smile eXactly),
and beckoned me in. | had to Law
down the story unfinished. and to this
day don't know what ultimately be-
came of the tender-hearted murderer.
For the next half hour or so my atten-
ton was diverted from the subject by
extreme personal discomfort, but on
leaving the chamber of horrors and re-
gaining the street the history came back
10 me with renewed vividness. found
myself examining Waiter Dene's argu-
mcnts for the suppression of his uncle
with sort of personal interest. For l,
too. have an uncle. l. too, love (aud
=am beloved by) 4 charming girl, and
my uncle is the only obstacle to our
union. don't mean to say that he OBJ
.jects to it-quite the contrary; but the
mere fact of his continuing to exist,
and thereby retaining possession of his
money, which would otherwise come to
7ne, is an effcctual bar to our happiness.
Dear Julia is charming girl, but, like
the young lady in the song, her face is
her fortune. and it is hardly to be sup
posed that /. Benjamin Grylls, a clerk
in her Maics.y's Civil Service at ESQ
a wear, could marry on that, even with
the additional hundred or so my uncle
allows me. Really the parallel was
wonderfully close. In some respects,
indeed, mine was the strongest case.
For Rev. Walter Denies uncle was not
{sare BY the mere fact of his existence)
oh ectionable. biine aDdS! Not to men,
ton his disgusting habit of calling me
Benny. and of cracking what he was
pleased to consider Jokes at my expense,
he had sundry manners and customs
which, to dslicate-minded person,
Were extremely offensive. He scossLd
xxrar an old serge jacket and carpet
slippers, and moi Grfrequently he would
scoaie down TO breakfast without collar
or necktic. and not always in the clean.
est of shirts. Nov if there is one thing
more than anot,- on which l pride
myself, it is MY shirts. l always wear
<Uncle Thomas pays the laundress'
ar clean shirt every day, and my