davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Schoolboys WHO Ate Dynamite.
fTajliche Runschan.l

iTajliche Runschan.
We hear from Bensberg that a couple Of
schOolboys found a dynamite cartridge in a
ditch, which had probably missed fire dur
ing the New Yeer festivitie'. On removing
the wrapper the lads appear 10 have applied
their tongues 10 the mass, and, Judging from
the sweetness OF the glycerine it contained
that il was some kind Of Christmas confec-
tionery, they agreed 10 divide il, and each
greedily ate up his portion. This first at
tempt TO utilize dynamite as an article of
Diet may, however. he regarded as an utter
failure. for when our heroes got home they
both felt very i'll. Before medical aid hal
arrived an expulsion had taken place in an
upward direction, and the swallowed frag-
ments OF dynamite lay strewed on the
ground. There was after all no serious
danger, but medical science has had an op-
portunity. rarely occurring, OF Judging the
effects OF dynamite on the human stomach
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Queer Wrinkles.
New York sun
ruu- prSunp'S xrterr

THE BISHOPS vIsIr.
"WeIl my little man. said the Bishop to
Bobby, do you remember me'
''Oh. YES sir" replied Bobby. "You
stopped with "a when you were here before.
Pa thinks il can't cost you much for hotel
bills
A NEW ASPIRANT FOR BASEBALL HoNoRS.
Miss Boston TO baseball pitcher)-I was
present at the game tins afternoon, Mr..
Homerun, and / admired your pitching so
much. Your curves reminded me of Ho-
garth's line of beauty.
Pitcher college ciubD-Indeedl What nine
does Hogarth pitch for,
THE NATURE OF AN OATH.
Judge 90 darky witness)-Do you know
the nature of an oath
Witness-Sah.
Judge-Do YOU understand what you are
TO swear TO
Witness-Yes, sab. I'm to swar to tell de
truf
Judge-And what wiz happen if you do
not tell il
Witness-I 'spects our side iii win do
case, sab.
OF MORE THAN ORDINARY INTEREST.
First Kentuckian-You will take in the
hanging to-day, of course.
Second kentuckian with a yawnl-I
hardly think 50.
First Kentuckian (surprisedl Why, it's "a
triple affair. We may not have another like
il for year.
Second Kentuckian with sudden anima-
tion)-Oh triple, is it 2 Then of course III
take il IN. thought it was only single.
CIRcUMsTANTIAL EVIDENCE.
Kentucky coroner holding inquest)-You
think the body is that of Col Blood.
Witness-I am quite sure it is, sir.
Coroner-In what pocket was the bottle
foundi
Witness-Hip pocket.
Coroner-H Likely Col. BlooL Any
whisky.
Witness-No, sir; il was empty.
Coroner-Evidently Col Blood. Pint or
quart tottlei
Witness-Quart bottle. sir.
Coroner-Gentlemen, there lies all that
remains of our lamented friend, Col. Blood.
THE COLOR or NO IMPORTANCE
Grocer-Half pound of teai Which will
you have, black or greeni
Servant-Shure aythur win do. It's for
an ould woman that's nearly blond
HANDLING vANpERBILT's TRUNKS.
Ba3RaSc Md>UeTS ASSISTANT lat Granu
Central stationl-Here are fifteen pieces for
Saratoga.
Baggage Master - Well, hustle 'em in
lively.
Baggage Masters Assista mt They're all
marked ""
Baggage Master-Be careful OF 'em, my
boy; be careful OF 'em. We've got plenty
Cf time.
AN INsURMoUNTABLE OBSTACLE.
Prospective Bridegroom 90 prospective
pridel-Would il be possible, do you think,
dear, to postpone cur wedding until Mon
dayi am in receipt Of dispatch calling
me to Buffalo on important business.
L. Bride-rm afraid not, George dear.
The wedding presents, you know, are only
rented until Saturday.
SHE COULD TELL HER FATHER WAS RIO.
Little Mabel asked her father one day r.
taste most delicious apple. What remained
was ruefally inspected moment, when she
asked:
DO you know, papa, how can tell YOU
are big without looking at your
II cannot say" was The reply
Il can tell by the bite you too, OFT Of nv
apple, wcs the crushing reoly.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Dedicated To- the OH Maid whe Lives
Opposite.

Dedicated To the OH Maid whe Lives
Opposite.
4 lt anyboivS hu,Iless when YOU K man
rors 20 call.
II be enters AZ tle ktch,n or the p1rlor or
th hall
l. it an boi,'s business, but ths Girls he
goes 10 sc,
What that young mans name am station
may happen for TO bei
Is it anyboIy's business if he stays till it is
Or anybody's business il she follows to the
gate'
II be kisse, her al parting and she does not
seem % grieve,
Is IL anvbOdy's business save the mans who
take his leavei
II be CORES 70 take her walking on a pleas
ant afternoon,
Is it anybady's business that they do not
come back sooni
II by chance the5 come together upon the
public street.
Is it anybolys business II she blusLes when
they meeti
II he goes to see her Sundays and often stays
TO ltu.
Is it anybolY's business what bis business
there may bel
Is it nybody's business what sort of beau
she got!
Or anyhody's business if she loves him or
acs nOtl
E it gnyboIy's businessl / would really
IKE % know.
II its not TIN sure they're many who try &c
max 10 50.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
The Reverend samuers Methods Would
Not Work.
INashvlII, AmarlcnnI


A minister Of the gJsps, IN one Of the
counties IN Middle Tennessee bordering on
the Cumberland range thought that he
woulI try one n the Rev. sam Jones
dodges on his congregation and see how il
would cork. He bal SEEN the Rev. sam
use IL vi h wonderful effsc.. and he could
see no good rea ,ol wuy !. should not IrOve
equally as effective with him. and he was
badly in need of a mucilage cg some SORT to
make his hearers stick until r., could reach
the lastly On the occasion referred o..
he ascended the platform as usual, and,
after the prelimi's ~ services, be slowly re-
moved bis glasse-. and, g,ancing over his
audience, remarked solemhly thai he was
going 20 deal in some plain, unyarnishcl
gospel truths 20 day, and would try, the
Lord being willing and helping. 70 expose
the hypocrisy of protesting Christians and
II there we're any person or persons present
who did not want % hear it. they had an
opportunity righs then TO crack ont" To
ms utter surprise AMI CONSERVATION. this
congregation arose a. one man and "rGckel.'
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
4 BRITISH PROTEST.

%. 10 not bring the catfish here;
The catfish j. name Of fear,
o. spare each stream aEsi spring.
The Kennel swift, the Wandlc clear,
The lake, the loch. the broad, the mere
From that dctested thing
The catfish j. a hideous beast,
4 bottom feeder that doth feast
Upon unholy bait;
He's no addition To your meal.
He's rather richer than the eel,
And ranker than the skate
His face l. broad. and flat, and glum;
Hes like some mcrstrous millcr's thumb;
He's bearded like the pard.
Beholding him the grayiing flee,
The trout take refuge to the sea,
The gudgeons go on guard
he grows into "A startling size
Tie British matrcn 'tNOuld surprise,
And raise her burning blush,
To see white catfih. large a. man,
Through what the bard calls waters wan
Como with an ugly rush
They say the catfish climbs the trees,
And robs the roosts, and down the breeze
Prolongs his caterwaul.
All leave him in his Western flood,
Where Mississippi churns the mud;
Don't bring him here at all
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Reasons for Separation.

san Francisco AFEouauf.
An Australian parson was taking leave.
recently, Of a congregation with whom he
had not lived on the best Of terms. II do
not regret our separation, d,lr brethren,
for three good ard valid reasons. The first
is that YOU don't love me; the second, that
you don't love one another; and the third,
tina. God does not love you. You don't love
me-my salary i several Ironths in arrears.
You don't love one another-or there would
not be such a dearth of marriages among
you. And God does not seem to love You
a you ought to be loved, because there have
been so few funerals among you lately"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
A PLACE FOR EVERY MAN.

The Brewers should To Malta go.
The Ioggerheads to Scilly,
The Quaker- to the Fiendly Isles,
The Furricrs all To Chill.
From Spithead Cooks 20 DER to Greece;
And while the Miser waits
His passage 10 the Guinea coast,
Spendthriits are in the Straits.
~piustar- should 10 Needles 70,
Wnc-bibcr- to burgundy
Gourmands should lunch az Sandwich Isles
Wags la the Bay Of Fundy.
Musicians hasten 10 the sound
The surpioed Priest 20 Rome
While still the race Of Hypocrite~
AT Carton are at home.
Lovers should hasten to Good HIpe-
To some Cape Horn 81 pain;
D,hior- should 20 20 Ohio,
And sailors 10 the Maine.
Hi. Bachelors, TO the United State.
Maids 20 the the Isle Of Man;
let Gardeners all to Botany go,
And Shoeblacks 10 Japan.
Thus cmigrantS and misplaced men
Will no longer yeN us;
And All that aren't provided for
Had better go 10 Texas.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

Chicago Ledger.
'4What kind of man is hes Cool. lad.
or inliffsrentf
well, that depe lds good deal on who
teeters ON the other end of the plank with
bim.n
How SO, sirf'
We'll, if you size him up alongside Of
Judas Iscariot he Icons up middhn fair;
but when you come 10 set him down between
such fellers as you an me, Judge. he does
dwindle terrible sarprisin'-he does, for a
fact =
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Rising to the Occasion.
Boston Record.l


A youngster Of 4, rather noted for his de-
pravity than otherwise, was taken into his
mothers bedroom the other day and intro
duced TO his baby sister, day old. He
seemed 10 look ON the new arrival with con-
siderable embarrassment, not unmIxed with
disapproval, ami at the same time TO appre-
ciate the fact that it devolved upon him TO
say something worthy the occasion. Finally
be remarked, with rising infection ex-
presssive of great unctiousness, "Well, kcfe
she'll be O Christian
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Tood Fraud in France.
lChicago Journal

a new case of fraud with preserved food
has been disolC ssd by L. Carries in The Paris
Journal de Pharmacis ct de Chemie A
sample Of preserved tomatoes, when exam
ined, differed from a normal specimen by
containing much lie dry extract, potassium
bitartrate. and total phosphoric acid The
inference is that the sample in question con-
tanned but little tomato, and was chiefly
composed of carrots AMI pumpkins, the
whole being colorei with some anilins dye.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

docs your husband go to lodge, Mrs Glib
berickf
s.Well. he just don't. | broke up that
little game quite a while ago.
..Whv, how in the world dill YOU doitf'
s.Whenever he started for the lodge Iwent
with him as far as the skating rink, and
told him to call for me on his way home. 1t
only took few doses to cure him.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

Chicago Herald.l

ASwedish missionary. who has been la bor-
ing for many years in equatorial Africa,
has recently translated tns Gospel of st
Johr into the Congo language. and has had
il pr ntsi for the use OF the natives. Sweden
thus gains the honor of printing the first
book in COBgo
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

Chicago Ledger
Ex-President Hayes has divulged the fact
that he found running this government as
easy as swinging ON gate compared to the
trouble he has in persuading an old hen to
change her programme when she once makes
up her mind she wants To sit.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

Life Insurance. Agent-Come, let me make
you out policy.
Mr.. Dusenberry-Not to-day. sir.
@Why notl Tho premium on S2o. 900
woulin't be much. Ii would be a nice suu,'
Tn leave To your wife,
Il said not to-day, SIR Now I say never.
sir. A handsome young widow with So, 900
is the most dangerous legacy a man could
leave behind him.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

Some chillun KANT be teachsl how ter
berhabe darselves Yer may take de wils
turkeys aigs an hatch 'em out un'er de
tamest turkey in do Ian, but jss' ez soon ez
de young ones gifts big enuff da viii rize an
d. c-wav-
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
And n Scarce One. Too.

burlington Free Press
It's poor mule that doesn't work both
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
In the Town Park.
lPmxsutawney Tribune.

~Begorra.' said an Irishman the other day
as he gazsi over the public square, ~surs
this rilt be healthy town.
-Why sol' asked a bystander.
"Faith, sor. because there isn't seign OF
3 grave in the cimetery beyant'
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

The name Emma itself conveys luck.
Emma Albina, Emma Nevada, Emma
Thursby, Emma Juch and Emma Abbott.
all high sopranos, and all successful
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
A Good Price.

Ten thousand dollar; is the s.z, OF toe
lump of gold paid to Emile Richsbourx for
a serial story now running i'm The Petit
Journal Paris
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Life In Texas.
San Angelo Standard.

When travelling through life we invaria-
bly, pass the best shade tree early in the
day. When we need them, AMI at the noon
and evening Of our existslce, the sun comes
down and peels rur back
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22
Helena, Montana. Thursday, October d, 1885

thoroughly. Painted cages are bad for
BIRDS tor the reason that the little sOngsters
sometimes peek the paint OF and get sick
from the effects OF il
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-10-22

China has =. 500 miles OF telegraph lius.
and only seven miles Of railroad
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
a DISASTROUS EARTHQUAKE.
Loss OF Life and Property in the Vale
of Cashmere.

Loss OF Life and Property in the Vale
of Cashmere.
Dispa; ches from Bombay state that
disastrous earthquake has occurred in Cash
mere. India. The shocks began on May
31st and have continued at intervals of ten
minutes ever since. The shocks were very
severe at Seriuagur The barracks, in
which several hundred soldiers were quart
cred, were completely destroyed, collapsing
so suddenly that nearly half of the soldiers
were imprisoned in the debris. Fifty are
known to have been killed, while fully 100
are more or less injured. portion of the
city has been demolished, while very few
of the remaining buildings escaped injury.
The people became panic-stricken and fled
from the city, taking refuge in boats and
tents in the open fields. The loss of cattle
alone is very great. Succor is being sent
as rapidly as the Indian authorities can
organize relief. The shocks have not
ceased, and this greatly retards the work of
rescuing the people pinned in the debris,
and it is feared many must perish.
A mosque in the little town of Sopur,
twenty miles north of Serinagur, was de-
molished and 200 persons killed.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
THE LION GOBRLEs TURKEY.
The Bear Gets Left in the Cold.

The Bear Gets Left in the Cold.
Russia and not Turkey has been suing
for an alliance, and it is Turkey and not
Russia that has declined the proposals.
Russia has been making strenuous Efforts
to secure at least the friendly neutrality of
Turkey. In the event of war the control
of the Dardanelles would give Turkey. if
hostile to Russia, power to bottle up the
latter's fleet in the Black sea, to paralyZe
her trade aud to put an embargo upon the
greater portion of her mercantile marine.
NJ. Nelidoff, one of the widest and most
persuasive of Russian diplomats, was sent
weeks ago to Constantinople to tempt the
Sultan with every brlbe that Russia could
offer to conclude a treaty giving Russian
war and merchant vessels the right of way
through the Dardanelles. NJ. Nelidoff did
offer. the cancelment of the indemnity
which Turkey was ordered by the Berlin
Congress of 1878 to pay to Russia in con-
sequence of the Turco- Russian war.
The British Bait on u Golden Hook.
All this time England was making count
er proposals to the Sultan and using the
Soudan as q bait. The bait was ordered
on q golden hook. If Turkish troops were
sent to garrison Suakin and other points in
the Soudan, their expenses would be paid
by England, either directly or by taking up
a new Turkish loan. The Porte wavered
for q long time. The Russian debt had
been so long overdue that it had ceased to
trouble the Sultan. and England offered the
accession of territory, the rehabilitation of
his power in the eyes of the Moslem world,
and ready cash. British influence and
British gold won the day, and the proposals
of Lord Granville were accepted just one
week ago.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
June 9Th.

The glove contest to q finish between
Dempsey and Carr resulted IN victory for
the former in nine TOunds.-The ''Oecoy
Contract" case has been postponed to the
18th inst One Of the Sharon side shows
was before the Courts yesterday when Mrs.
NJ. Brown was sent to Jail for contempt
Another incendiary fire has occurred at
San Jose.-John II. Aufdemorte, clerk in
the United States Sub-TreasuTy at New
Orleans, is defaulter for $4,000.
A Reported Failure.
Ex-Governor Hale of New Hampshire is
reported to have failed for large amount.
and all his property in Vermont 10 have
been attached for four times its value.
HanIan. Ready.
Edward Hanlan says he will row Teemer
on the following terms: A race Of one,
two, three, four on FIVE miles each, at $1,000
a side for each race, or one thTee-m mile lace
for $4,000, the races to take place on any
course in the United States OF Canada.
Foreign Affairs.
Cholera has brol Ii out IN Madrid and
new cases are reported III Nalencia.-The
Black Flags are rayaglng provinces IN Ton
quin occupied by the French nCops.- Lord
Cadogan fIly Lonely won the Oaks.-ln
Serinagur alone eighty-seven were killed
and 100 wounded by the recent earthquakes
-Twenty-one anarchists will be expelled
from Switzerland Smallpox is spreading
in Montreal. Lord Garmoyle has taken
his seat in the Lords as Earl Cairns.
The Afghan Agreement
Gladstone stated in the House Of Com
mons that Russia and England had come
to an agreement concerning the points of
difference between them. which were TO be
referred 10 arbitration. The person chosen
for arbitrator has not been formally asked
to accept the duty.
Sir Peter Lumsdcn says that Colonel
Alikhanoff had openly boosted to the At
ghans that Russia wanted TO take Herat
and a great deal more. Sir Peter said
Russia would never have urged her absurd
demand il she had believed England was
IN earnest in resisting them. Russia con-
tinues her active warlike preparations.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
June SGh.

Isaac Hibbs, Postmaster at Boise, ]. T.,
has disappeared after defrauding the Gov
eminent out of between $50. 900 and $780,,
600 by means of fictitious money ORDERS
Agent Ford of the San Carlos Reservation
reports the Indians as peaceable at that
place; the Mexican Government is prepar-
ing to give the renegade Apaches warm
reception Herbert F., son of Henry Ward
Beecher, has been appointed Collector OF
Customs at Port Towsend. W. T.-General
Rosecrans has been appointed Register of
the Treasury.
Wine Shipments to Honolulu.
Statistics Of wine shipments from Sab
Francisco, published in the s. F, Mer-
chant, for the month of May, show that
Honolulu took nearly three times as much
as any other port, aud more than the total
amount shipped to Victoria, B. c., Mexico,
Japan. China and Tahiti. This. Of course.
is exclusive of shipments to New York by
the Panama line of steamers.
Foreign Affairs.
The French Chamber of Deputies re-
iected the motion to impeach the Ferry
Ministry.-The House of Commons re-as-
sembled yesterday. = President Zaldivar
denies that he betrayed Barrios.-Bird Of
Freedom won the race for the Epson Grand
Prize-The Berber railway plant will not
be given to Cyprus.-The overtures of the
Porte for an alliance with Russia are not
favorable considered at St. Petersburg.
The SEez Canal.
The Suez Canal Company unanimously
approved the proposition TO empower the
Directors to borrow 3, 00O,0 900 for the pur-
pose of enlarging the canal.
Sir Peter Lumsden
Passed through Vienna by lightning ex-
press for London. He seems thoroughly
disgusted with the result of his mission and
says he will never return to India. He also
stated that the Russians will prolong nego-
tiations until the railway is completed. The
Russians are at work night and day strongly
fortifying BatoUm.
Increased Duties.
American rye imported into Germany is
subjected to an advanced rate of 3 marks
ner 100 kilogrammes, which will be the
uniform rate for all countries.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
Foreign Features.

Twentv-tvo men were killed and many
others imprisoned by a co!liery explosion
near Durham. Ercland-The Derby was
won by Lord Hastings bay colt Mellon
The rebels who recently assaulted Cartha-
gena. on the Isthlnus OF Panama, were re-
pulsed with heavy loss.-The natives OF
San Salvador are fleeing to the mountains
TO avoid being made sOldiers.-Ihe cholera
is epidemic in Valencia, Spain.
Bold bankers.
Three masked robbers to-day attacked
and ovcrpowcred the manager and account
ant of the branch of the National Bank OF
Australasia. After stealing $1,000 they
escaped and have not been captured.
Ont of the SOudan.
The English troops will leave Assouan
about the middle of June for Cairo, at the
rate of 1900 week. The rebels have occu-
pied Korti, and it is expected that they will
advance upon Dongola when the English
have gone.
Rowing Russians.
The Cronstadt and Baltic squadrons of
the Russian navy have been ordered to
unite in a cruise with the object of execut-
ing naval maneuvers on q grand scale.
The united feet will consist of eighteen
men-of-war, a torpedo hotilla, training
squadron and several gunboats.
The Russian Tariff.
The Council of the empire discussed the
question of an increase of the tariff. The
general conclusion was that the increase of
duties on most importations should be 20
per cent.
Ross, the. Rover.
Wallace Ross sends a challenge to the
Turf, Field and Farm. proposing to choose
a mate and row a double-scull race against
Peter Conley and Charles E. Courtney next
September, over any suitable course, for
any distance, for $1,000 a side. He also
offers to row Courtney for a like amount,
from two to FIVE miles, single SOULS, Court
ney to deposit a forfeit of $1,000, to be de-
voted to charity in case he fails to come to
time.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1885-06-15
ia tEc Scaaam
vICron HrGO.s FrNrRAL
"a Passes Off Quietly-A Million PeopI'
Present.

20 Passes Off QuietIy-A Million People
Present
The funeral procession of Yictcr Hugo
started punctually at noon yesterday The
threatening clouds of the morning had dis
appeared and the sun shone forth bril-
Iiantly. Enormous crowds of people lined
the route of the procession, while masses
of people packed the interesting streets
for a great distance On either side the
buildings were black with people, as was
indeed every point from WHICH was to be
had a view of the unparalleled spectacle.
The funeral Grafton, which NJ. Floquet de-
Iivered at the Arc de Triomphe, touched
the hearts of his hearers and was greatly
applauded. The great procession moved
without a hitch during its course. Pre-
cedirg the hearse were twelve cars
laden with floral crowns. Besides these
aOO-wreaths were carried by various depu-
tations. Before the start of the procession
the police seized fifteen red flags and i'm
mediateIy destroyed them. 1t is estimated
that at least million people were pre-
sent.