, 1885-07-19
cENrIrMEN on LEIsuRn.
a Tramp Who DispeIs some OF the Ro-
mance Of His PrnfessIon.

A search of weeks for one who not only
could talk and would talk and talk to
some purpose, came well near proving
fruitless. It was only by accident that q
ripe and mellow member of the ancient
and venerable order of the Sons of Rest
was coaxed out of IN odorous alley and
made to give up a few of the secrets Of
his profession.
1t took several visits, a wealth of plug
and little ct ceterds Of that sort before mu-
tual confidence was established and the
panicky feeling which seems to shake
tramp commercial circles with uncomfort-
able frequency was allayed. Even then
1t was only in fra%gamentary snatohes hat
his tale was told, and during the telling
he was as coy as n startled doe. But an
chewed plug is mighty and will prevail.
Many an erroneous notion about tramp
ism was corrected, and many an idol
shattered.
The profession amt wot 1t used to be.
I'd ruther take my chances in a town now
days than on the road" said this case
after being led up to the subject by easy
stages. THE country iakes all hates us
and | don't blame EN-, for some of the
boys does lots Of damage wot amt of no
use-like ringin' the necks of a whole
coopful Of hens, when two or three is all
we can use
There amt a good route left in this
country. The boundless West never was
much good, for there's too many hills to
climb and the houses are far apart, but
now its awful-just awful.
How Oh, lots of ways. | started
out this spring fer to take a run over into
Colorado, but the first day made me sick.
| did ten miles and | be cussed if |
raised a fist full o~fplunjer, to say nothing
Of a stummick full Now, ten miles is
too much for any white man to walk in
n day, these times of steam cans and
Electricity. | accepted the courtesy of the
Union Pacific road and came back in an
empty. Here I've been ever since.
The star luggers is all onto US bigger
a wolf. Now days | goes up to a house
and asks fer a mouthful of grub, when.
out pops some big, husky rancher who
has been layin' for me lroa behind a
door.
q" Git, says he.
Good mornin' says |, and you can
jest betcherliie | moseys. Then the mis-
cradle, graspin' GUS comes out and folders
me down the road SOS | can't lift nothing.
If that sort of conduct don't make a man
feel %incendiary, then my name in Anamas.
It's that kind of treatment wat makes
crime-aetually breeds crime. You may
think I'm lyin', but even the win en-
is getting sassy and impudent. They
don't scare worth a red cent any more.
One woman actually give me a look down
the snuzzle of a gun this spring. I.wasnt
afraid she would shoot. but she handled
the musket kind of reckless like, and |
didn't know but what she would work it
off some way, which would be pretty
much the SAINT to me, provided it hit me,
as il she had meant it.
IAN the old lays are played out, and it
takes an artist to live fat like we used to.
| really believe the chickens roost higher
than they did in the good old days. Oh,
times is getting awful The old man re-
tired to a cave of gloom, motaphorically
speaking, as he gave way to the food of
memories of the time before the tramp
business had been Frustrated by overrro-
duction. "A man has to either steal or
work some fake like mending umbrellas.
or mending chiney-that' about as handy
as any.
THE sympathy racket used to work,
but it's no good now. If there is any big
food or fire or epidemic, a man gets posted
and tells his story about how he was get
ting along nice. and the calamity came
along and knocked him out. He is tray
cling to see a sick wife, and all that sort
of thing. The boys call this the 'strug-
Gin virtue act. 1t works well on vim
men, old maids specially. 1t adds con
siderable to the aclaw of the occasion if a
man can fetch a tear or two. Tears is
worth, on the average, about two bits
apiece. always pick out a partner who
can SWIVEL easy, the kind wot can squeeze
out a tear thetll hang in the corner of
the eye, kinder pathetic like. There is
no need of a man who can do that going
hungry.
Organization? Nawr' This in deepest
disgust. why, the beauty Of tnmpin'
is that we acknowledge no boss of any
kind. Onct / fell acrost a young fellar
from a newspaper who wanted to get
onto the secrets of the profession. He
went out with me and my pard and we
let him stay by us till his money gave
out. Now | am truthful, for it costs too
much Of an effort to tell a healthy lie.
one will not stand alone long enough to
let you get out of the way before its
found out, but my pard was the Ign ist
kind of a prevaricator; and the way he
fed fairy stories to that kid would would
have made his fortune in some kinds Of
business | know Of One night we met
a lot Of the boys, and it bein' warm, we
slept ont in a grove. We initiated that
young fellar and perty near killed him.
We raided a clothes line and dressed him
up in sheets and night gownds and things,
and put him through according to
Hoyle.' He wrote it all up, | believe,
and it must have made an elegant yarn.
but the information it contained was not
valuable.
"IIow did | get into the businessl How
did you get into your business | took to