The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1885-05-28
ARP RESTING.
Ihe Experience of q Lecturer-How tho
Home Piace has Improved During his
Absence.

The Experience of Lecturer-How tho
Home Place hos Improved During his
Absence.
A whole week of rest--aris,ocratic
rest, I've been putting on airs of 2
gentleman and s!rutting around since /
came home, but my time 10 most out.
delicate hints are made that various
things need looking after. Little coops
are wanted for the Spring chickens.
Some blue grass sod must be hauled to
cover q new square in the front yard.
There is withdrawing, which / under.
stand, has got to be done, and the car.
pets must be taken up and beaten aud
put away. Oh, my country, is there no
rest for the weary-I find that the idea
prevails in my numerous and interesting
family that l have been off on a long
frolic and have feasted on the fat OF
Texas land, whereas l never worked 90
hard in my life, and was never so glad to
get home aud rest. For two long months
l was on perpetual strain trying TO
please-to please new people. every day
trying to play the philosopher and the
Wit, and feeling utterly unfit for both
trying to say smart things, aud repeating
them over and over AGAIN to new folks
until felt ashamed Of them and wanted
to beg pardon of my own Jokes.
But the joke is ell over now. There is
no joke in taking up carpet and beat.
ing the dust out of it. My folks have
done power Of work since have been
gone. There are three acres of ground
around our house-three acres of grove
and front yard and back yard and spring
lot, and it has all been swept and gar.
nished aud looks like it hsd been raked
with fine tooth comb. New steps have
been made at the front gate. A new
fence at the foot of the hill. The old
hen house with all its accumulated YER.
min has been torn down and moved
away. The old wood pile cleaned up
and concentrated. A new ash hopper
rugged up, and the garden is q model of
nice walks and straight rows and thrifty
vegetables. This gardening business has
always been my work and my pleasure,
and when Mrs. Arp would como out in
her sunbonnet and calico apron and sorter
oversee and encourage me was happy.
But sho had it all in charge this,!iime
and wanted TO surprise me with her hor.
ticulture. Well, I have known for over
thirty years that she could do anything
she set her head to, but I didn't know
that she would ever set her head to
gardening, considering how much else
she had to do. Of course I praised it
and went of into uxorial rhapsody, but
suddenly forgot my usual discretion
and happened to mention that cucumbers
should not be planted close to squashes,
for they would mix their pollen and
hQnd what uo;A oha UnL
much," said l meekly; "only the seed
will degenerate. at least the gardening
books say SO, but, I reckon they are
mistaken" got out of it as easy as I
could, but still find that the garden has
been informally turned over to me and l
am expected to finish it. was reading
the other day about old Spoopendyke-
how the old sinner lorded it over his
meek and submissive wife about the
gardening business, and when she sug.
gested the planting some flower seed for
ornaments he said: "What kind of
flowers artificial flowers I reckon
maybe you want to plant some old bon
net wire and few rags and raise you a
Spring bonnet" And when she ventured
to mention that n fountain would be
pretty, lie said: fountain how are you
going to raise fountain-where are
your seed-do you expect to plant q
bucket of water and have it come up o
fountain, you old weasly thing" Well,
I just want to get hold of him and help
his wife civilize him, for about fifteen
minutes. know some wives who
wouldent want any help. The old brute.
When a woman does her best to please
her husband he ought to appear pleased
whether he Is or not. know some
Spoopendykes aud have no respect for
them. If the peas in my garden are
sorter scattering am content, for I don't
care much about peas no how. The
Irish potatoes are splendid and can live
on them. itls
And there are some female Spoopsn.
dykes too scattered around. I saw one
In the cars the other day over in Arkan.
saw she and her old man got aboard at
station aud took seat just behind me
in the smoking car. They were right
common people-that is, lie was. She
had snuff stick in her mouth, and
when he motioned her to go in the seat
first she shook her head and mptioned
him to 60 in. After while the newsboy
came along with cigars and he took one
and looked at both ends and all around
and asked the price. The boy said ten
cents. He smelt of the cigar and then
felt for a dime. The old oman watched
him silently until then, but she couldent
stand it any longer. tnt
"You aint gwine to give ten cents for
that aeegyar are you ?" believe 7 will
Sally" be said. "Jest to burn up" said
she. "Thats what hits made for Sally"
said he. "Well do know, said she" "pd
look at dime long time before I'd
give it for that thing and then burn It
right straight up. If was gwine to be
q fool I'd bat q fool some other way"
BY this time he had borrowed fire from
me and got the thing to burning. aud IA
he puffed the smoke upwards he said !:
"Sally, i haint smoked a seegyer In shree
months and We are on eort of ffolic
now you know. You bought a dimes
worth of snuff yesterday morning, and
If you haint burnt It up you've mighty
nigh sucked It up--so whats the diffunce,
Sally 2" "Well, It was my money, said
she--my snuff never costs you nothin'-S
nary cent" "And my seegyar never
cost you nothin'," said he, and he elevated
his chin and screwed up bis mouth and
blowed the smoke away up yonder.
Well, j was on his side of that fight,
and I think she knew it, for when be.
gun a conversation with him she turned
her head the other way. i .,i
For hsfew days past have been going
fishing. The creek is close by, and the
fish are spelling for the frying pan, and
fishing is such quiet, conteinplatiye work