Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1885-09-05
SATURDAY. Smiles.

Walters make mighty poor poker players. A
waiter with two trays thinks he has a full hand
every time.-LotceU Citizen.
They say that sweet Emma Abbott is really
getting fat. Tine cunning thing.-.4Aanta Con-
SttutiOa,
The Boston girl never refers to delirium
tremenS as the jim-jams. She drops decorously
into slang by calling it the tight squeezes a la
James-Tte Hatchet.
1t is sad to read in a Philadelphia paper the
expression, point with alarm" That is not
the way the politicians put it. They never
point with ALARM They view with alarm
and point with pride.'-Louisriile Courier
Journal.
A lightning artist has secured a photograph
OF pistol bullet in its flight. He will next try
to catch shadow of mans weeks salary
when his wife, DESTROYS of a new fall bonnet,
mas got the wealth i'll her poSSeSSiOn.-Cincin-
Htui Commercial Gazette.
The work of raising the money for the Grant
monument IN New York is progressing finely.
Enough has already been secured to paw the
artists for completing the dcsign.-BostOn Post.
Prospecting Bridegroom Ito prospective bride)
Would it be possible do you think, dear,
am in receipt OF a dispatch calling me to- Buff
ialo ON important business. Prospective Bride
m afraid not, George, dear. The wedding
presents, you know, are only rented until Sat
urday.-Mtt,cdukee Sentinel.
Handy!-"Buy trunk, sir?" mo, thank ee;
I've got no clothes but these ere" "Well. what
o that? Can't We lock EN- up in it an lie
abed ID Sunday?"-Judy.
Hell is full OF women who spend their time
shoppEg.-lRev. Sam Jonesl Then they must
md bargains there.-BOstoa Post.
\ Bradford man says he saw another man
blown 500 feet into the air by nitro-glycerine
explosion. The man who went up thinks it
was 900 feet, and now there is prospect of a
quarrel between two old and close associate
Nars--Patsburg CtrOnicte-Ieiegrdph.
Rev. DIR. Newman. it is said is going to re-
turn to the west, whence ne was called by the
reverend doctor is known among the Indians
as The-Pious- Man-W hO-is- Never-ToO-Late-f or
Breakfast.-Chicag0 Times.
II say, Bobby" whispered Featherly, "was
your sister pleased TO learn that had called
Yes indeed she was" replied Bobby. "when
". y. Sun.
The young ladies at the watering places are
so handsome and attractive this year that
pretty often mosquito gets mashed" ON EN-
No'ristoWa Herald.
Lawyer-"For the life of me, can't see what
attraction people find in this stupid game of
base, base ball: Some day think I'll go out to see
them make fools OF themselves" Merchant
time line ides OF sane men going crazy over such a
needed nowadays" Time: week lateT.
Scene the grand stand at the baseball grounds
Lawyer tossing his hat in the air and yelling
bang my American heart, why don't you run
Mullisan?" Merchant-.Shoot the umpire!
Cut his heart Tart: out: Let me get at him." Po-
any of this here hoOdlum business here: Tll
nre you out II you don't shut up."-MemDI.is
Times
"Ph1lander,' said pretty girl to her bashful
beau, Il wish you'd tie this ribbon at my throat
can't see how to do it without glass" "Of
course I'll only be too glad to-" he said and at
once grappled the strings. After an unsuccess-
ful effort of nve minutes, during which he got
as red as a brick house and perspired like a
pitcher OF ice water on a July window sill, he
stammered: "1-I-don't think I can tie a re-
spectacle knot. Miss Mary" "Suppose, Phi
lander, she whispered with pretty little blush.
suppose you call in a preacher TO assist" Like
the unwilling of a beautiful mystery the situa-
ion unfolded itself to Philander, md he feels
better now.-DetrOu Commercial Adrertiser.