The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1885-09-02
WIT AND HU,ToR

caits her uis darling cabbage or his
little blue rabbit. =
The Princess Beatrice is so prettv
that she IS described as looking like
an American girl"
Robbie. said the visitor kindly
''have you any little brothers and SIS
tersg No. said wee Robbie. SOL
emmy. I'm all the children we've
got "--Astray.
Ii seems that Mrs Sullivan mauled
Prof John l. sullivan of Boston.
Then let US tear the gaudy chaplet
cago Carregf.
A Wisconsin editor has taken $50
bottles of pain-killer on advertising.
and is now ready to be kicked all over
town and come mp timber in the morn
ing. Detroit Free Press.
They didn't pick that stuff quick
enough, did they. mammaP" asked a
little boy rs he passed a grocery where
several cakes OF Limburger were tax
ing breathing spell outside.
When woman Is giving her hus-
band bit of her mind he should try TO
imagine what it would be like if he
was Mormon and was having seven
teen such bits served up 10 him.
a bright ST Louis youth got an auto
graph album filed with signatures. but
as they lacked neatneSs and uniformity
he bought u new book and copied all
the names into it Now lie is happy.
Great C@sar!" exclaimed the tramp
as he leaped over the fence. Great
seizeri' observed the farmer as he
watched the dog returning with sam
pie of the tramp's trousers.-Bostoa
Transcript.
A child who had once seen a grab
bag in church. after the contribution
box had passed hy one Sunday, whis-
pered to her mother: .'liow much did
you getF grabbed a,quarter. ton
gregatfona9tSt.
An Arizona man has stopped taking
an agricultural paper. He wrote TO
the editor asking how to get rid of
gnats- The answer came in the next
issue OF the paper. XIII them. "-NeW
lor6 Tribune.
Employer TO clerk-.I don't object
10 your going TO a funeral once in a
while; but | think you might bring me
home fish or two" Sunblush on the
end OF the clerks nose extends rapidly
TO his ears ,-h0r5ury -ddoocdte.
Client-How does my suit get alongp
Lawyer Splendidly; | shall get ut the
truth of the matter, if it is a possible
thing. Client-For heavens sake.
what are YOU thinking Off That's just
the thing that's going to ruin me.
Prof. Sullivan's interesting state
ment that he was never drunk in his
life was probably based on the liberal
definition that "a man is not drunk so
long as he can lie on the ground with
out holding on. "-Py0uideAce Journal.
An oil country resident, after hear
ing Goldsmith's poem. The Deserted
Village. read in an eloquent manner,
drew a long breath and said: ''rll be
darned if that village of sweet Auburn
don't remind me of Petroleum Center"
Preacher-How did you like my ser
mon Sunday. Miss GushingtonP Miss
G.-Perfectly delighted. was trans
ported. Preacher-To visionary lands
of Paradise, suppose? Miss G.-No.
sir. To the land of Dreams Paiid.
Gail.
Mrs. Baseom says she doesn't see
why they want TO make such fuss
about whether prominent Americans
have coats-of-arms or not She says if
it was coats without arms it would be
something TO talk about Darlington
Free Press.
1t is said that in recent fit of rage
Hannibal Hamlin threw half a mince
pie at man who was playing on q
bagpipe under his dining-room win
dow. The man was no doubt the pied
piper of Hamlin- Rats! - tttts6urg
Chronicle Telegraph.
A clergyman of Connecticut who re-
Gently died left all his moEey to mis-
sionary societies. and did not leave q
cent to feeble and penniless brother
who is in a public institution. But,
since Sheol is the worst place he can
be sent to, he doesn't care.
And so you have received divorce
from that vagabond husband of yours.
Mrs. Smith?'' ''Yes. am glad to Say
that have" Didn't YOU feel quite
overpowered when you heard tho de-
felt sort of unnamed, so to speak"
A clergyman in Central Illinois is re-
ported to have startled his floek a few
Sundays ago by the announcements:
.Kemember our communion services
next Sunday forenoon. The Lord will
be with us during the morning SER
vices and the Bishop in the evening""
Law sakes," said old Mrs. Relict.
'+all Melinda thinks of now is the
skatin' rink. And she's got so high
toned rollin' round on them wheels
that she can't even go her old mothers
homemade bread now, an she talks
all the time about the Dutch rolls they
have up there.
Featherly was making an evening
call, and the revised edition was being
discussed. ''ln the new Bible that pa
brought home" said Bobby. joining
the conversation. ''sister is four years
younger than she was in the old one.
Is that what is meant by the revised
edition." j. Sun.
A Young Subscriber wants to know
s'How can / earn a living without
working myself to death?" Oh. well,
you might starve yourself to death;
that would be easy, requiring little or
no effort just go to Texas and preach
the gospel and you'll get there some
time during the first quarter.
WHAT does the NJ ID. after your name
stand for, doctor?" asked Young Mr.
Toofunny. at the reception. MANY
Debts" replied the physician, with a
look that made Toofunny forget his
venerable little joke and feel that the
doctors bill had entered his soul. P.
Sit had already been in his desk
about six months.
Priest-TelI me. Murphy, how came
you by that black eye? Were you
hghling, eh?' Marpty- indade,
/ won't decaive yer reverence. Mike
O'Flaherty aud myself had little diff
ference; but sure. if yer riverence only
seen Mick eye. now, throth you'd say
there was nothin' wrong with mine at
all. at ALL "-Judge.
THAT actress. said young Hyson,
.'has been playing dancing parts ever
since L was a boy, and she isn't year
older on the bills than size was twenty
years ago No" said old Tintag,
s'that's because she has renude her
youth every season And then they
both fell back into the zareba TO change
their breath Brooklga Eagle
'sAre you fond OF etchingsP" asked
the young man who had taken the
hostess pretty niece from the country
down 10 supper. As a general thing,
yes. she answered, looking up into
his eyes with an engaging frankness
that threatened havoc to his heart;
shut. she added hastily, rs he started
to say something pretty. not any TO-
night, thank you-it is rather late. A
very little OF sherbet Is ali | care for. -
What it is coming to: He-Will you
be my wife, Claribela She-With
,.l..,atsra Hanrx- II. I -,s,.rs.1 v.x.,.