The Somerset reporter., 1885-06-17
Selected.
The PrOnOtsstctnQ Craze.

A pronouncing test arranged by Port
land gentleman has been going the rounds
In Lewiston and Auburn, and has discon
certed large plumber Of gentlemen and
ladies'. In pronounclng the subjoined list,
nobody, here, has made less than go mis-
takes. Several have made more than 100.
Here 1t is:
1t was late In the afternoon of Michael
mas day, when a bedizened brigand might
have been espied bestridng a sIothful pal
try. riding toward the city of Seville. On
his shoulder he bore halberd and car
bine ip decorous manner, and his robust
physiqae, stalwsrt limbs and supple frame
sufiiced to prove that he WAS a formidable
rufflan. He halted before the gate Of mon
astery, from which soon issued sacriStan
in the garb of Capuchin monk. This
man was not appalled, by the sacrilegious
bearing OF the Caucasian visitor and would
not have been afraid Of Byron's Giaour, a
son OF Belial, or dozen buccaneers. The
splenetic father with q grimace demanded
the cognomsn of the stranger in bombas-
tic tone. He answered that his name WAS
Macleod but that his pseudonyme WAS Ray
Bias and that his father was the courteous
Gil Bias. This raillery caused a whipny
from the urlegged steed, who scented
he culinary preparations within the don
Jon of the castle. Without further ado the
iocund stranger lowered his visor and pre-
pared to enter In search of supper The
hostler led the way to the equerry and af-
ter some palaver served to the animal by
mistake for oats peck of crushed pyrite
or iron pyrltes The brigand tossed q
groat to the complaisant mental and en-
tered the bread doorway Of the dining
room, of late years called In polite par
lance the sale nsdnger.
Here were spread out truffles, spinach,
acclimated apricots, a fine anchovy caught
In seine near weir, shewbread on u sal
yer, strip colored with cochlneal and al.
monds. The feast was presided over by q
virulent Malay virago of Cayenne pepper
visage, veritab.e Pythoness, who in a
peremptory voice, without syllable of
romance in it, reminding one of tbs howl
of jaguar, ordered him to be seated. He
construed this as a permission to gorge
himself, which he was not 10th to do.
After the supper tarpaulin WAS given
to him and he stretched himself for the
night, first laying his Arkansas bowie knife
by his side ready for immediate use. Ener-
waited and exhausted he fell into lethargic
slumber. He was soon aroused by the
sound of q distant piano-forte played by a
pianist With small pedal extremities, who
managed the pedals with rare skill. With
AN effort he raised himself on his elbow
with nonchalance and took hasty recon-
noissance about him. The music, whir b
was an allegro movement in symphony
of Beethoven still continued. He rose to
his feet to ascertain TIVE source when he
was confronted by a grisly form clad in
cerements. At first he thought this va
gary of his Imagination. He. started as If
stuDg by a Utah rantnla and shrieked in
abject terror. Then bracing himself fot
the ordeal he aimed blow at the forehead
of the phantom, when with horrible
cachination it vanished.
He recovered his courage with the elias
ITCHY of caoutchouc and pursued the nu
steal sounds with the graceful tread of
courtier. He found Miss Anne Hemans 10
a distant apartment, on the walls of which
hung the most beautiful mezzotints extant
The lady greeted him with coquetry and
glanced at him in piquant manner. The
sight would have made hypochondriac
laugh cheerily. She was dressed In white
samite, bombazine, magenta stomachcr
and wore turquoise gems. He eptreated
her to fly with him on bymeneal journey
to Wyoming by way of IVA. She lenient-
ly consented, first inquiring about the state
of his finances. He told her that his as
sets and resources consisted of European
debentures.
They appointed a rendezvous on the mall
near the public park, Drawing all the priests
in the synod. They set out on drome-
Diary, although the maid had a severe at
tack of erysipelas first bestowing dona-
tive on the middle-aged matron of the din
ing room. The commaudant of neigh
boring garrison supplied them with q
drinking gnurd for their journey across the
desert. They also took supply OF jalap
in case of sickness, dose or two or tar
taric acid, quantity of cephaic medicines
and catarrh snuff to act on the respiratory
organs. They passed the frontier safely
and we're as lighthearted rs an aeronaut
They were aspirants for happiness. They
received billet-doux from the Sultan on
the way and were shortly cheek by jowl
with than monarch. He quoted from Mrs.
Sigourney, frsntispiece to finale, to dis
suade them from the saorifce they were
about to make. They used much tergiver-
sation as was their wont, admitting that he
took precedence of them In literature, but
receiving his coincidence with contumely
When asked to remain longer they saucily
replied. "We won't" After an hours
wassail, the Sultan and his grand vizier
departed on bicycles, leaving msjolica
vase, and geode of the shape of sphe-
roid as maturtinal Offering.
The combativeness of the fugitive couple
was aroused when they found that their
camel had been houghed. He had been
standing near slough Of mud and the
,oughing of the wind had concealed the
approach of the enemy, who had come up
rs trescherously as a serpent which sloughs
its skin. Our hero and heroine could not
see the rationale of this, so they snapped
the wounded beast for a canine pet and pro-
ceeded in brougham to a gondola, lying
in the archipelago from which Sevast, pol
aad been bombarded years before. After
decade of wandering they returned In an
quable temper and lived happy until they
departed for "thst undiscovered country
from whose bourne no traveller returns,
DR.. Cockburn and Don Juan were present
ut the autopsy. A subsistence of the cur,
rent discussion of orthRpY is daily looked