davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
HUMOROUS.

ooh ma" said child of five, 81
am so glad there was flood!' ''Why,
child?' exclaimed mamma. Because,
if there hadn't been any flood shouldn't
have had a Noah's ark.
"A new song is called The Coming
Step" The coming step is probably
that of the old man, and if you are
prudent young man make your exit via
the window and over the garden wall
Hartford Sunday Journal
--"Ah, my little man, good morn
ing" pleasantly remarked an old
gentleman as he stopped and patted
Hewes street little boy on the head,
''have you any brothers and sisters?"
Eyes, sir; got four, but I'm the only
one that mounts to anything" replied
the urchin. -Brooklyp Times.
"A woman recently entered store
in Connecticut, and sat down in front
of an iron safe to warm her feet. After
sitting some twenty or thirty minutes,
she remarked thus: II never did like
them kind of stoves. They don't throw
out scarcely any heat, those gas-burn-
ers don't. IN. T. Iadependent.
First Boston girl: Going to vocal
practice this morning, Minerva?"
Second Boston girl: mo, my dear
Calliope, l have a bad cold and am
quite hoarse." First Boston girl: ''Aht
been exposing yourself to the weather."
Second Boston girl: Eyes, / went
out yesterday and forgot to put On my
spectacles?"-Boston Courier.
Railroad intelligence. - When
Major Converse was laying out the line
of the Sunset Route to San Antonio, he
one day took observations with his in
strument near the cabin of an old negro
on Cibelo Creek. ''Boss, am de rail-
road gwinter come neah my houseP"
''It will go right through it, replied
Converse. Hit will? Why boss, hit
amt gwinter be safe for de ole woman
and de children in de house ef de kears
runs smack fru hit. Teras Sifttngs.
Mr.. Bashful-My daughter is max
ing surprising progress as an amateur
artist. She recently painted a land
scape which was so real that the bel
lowing of cattle could be heard dis
tinctly. Mr.. Hashful-Pretty good; but
nay darter Sal kin beat that. Mr.. B.
What has your daughter been develop
ing as an embryonic artist? Mr.. H
don't know ez she hes bin doin that,
but she painted picture of green
cowcumber SO natural thatit give the
hull family the cholera morbus.
-"Mary Had a Little Lamb" in
French-English:
Marie possess one small mutton,
Her hair was black Ike SHOWS,
And all over that Marie promenades
Those sheep follow her nose
In German English:
The Marie dminutive lambkin had,
So white as snow was her fur,
And everywhere whittier Marie q walking
maze
m Z. Graphic.
She had voice like siren and
when she sang:
Mid play sure, sand pal aces though beam q
Rome,
Be it averse. oh wum bull there, snow play
sly comb
H, arm from thesk eyseaIn stew wallow
sheer
Witch seek through the whirl disneerm ct
twithel Swear!''
There wasn't dry eye in the taber-
naele, but if the programme hadn't sad
in clear unInistakable print that she
was going to sing ..Sweet Home .
a man might have thought his teeth
loose without ever guessing it.-,Brose-
Ign Eao'e.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
THE NEWS.
Compiled from Late Dispatches,
FROM WAsHINGToM.


DURING April the total issueof postage
stamps, stamped envelopes and postal
cards aggregated 271 ,s19, against 1884,
645, POO during the same month last year.
The number of stamps issued showed an
increase of 1900, while the issue of postal
cards fell off 100000 and stamped envel-
opes 100000.
DURING the month Of April the business
of the Pension Office exceeded that of any
previous month. The total number of pen
sions issued was $3.50.
PosTMAsTER-GE Villas appoint
ed six hundred fourth class postmasters
during April. These appointments were
made to fill vacancies.
On the 1st the President appointed E. J.
Hale, of North Carolina, to be United
States Consul at Manchester, Eng, vice
a. D. Shaw; John Goode, of Virginia, to
be Solicitor General, vice Samuel F. Phil
lips, resigned; and William NJ. Merrick, of
Maryland, to be an Associate Justice of
the Supreme Court of the District of Co.
lumbia, vice Andrew Wylie, resigned. j.
B. Baird, of Georgia, was appointed Super
intendent of the Dead Letter Office.
The public-debt statement told form) for
April is as follows: Total debt (including
interest), s., 1888, 9O7,571; cash in Treasury,
3,932,566; debt, less amount in Treasury,
81, 1893, 1885, 05. Decrease during April, ST.
AGA, 599. Decrease since April 30, 1884, $780,
075,229.
NEARLY one hundred clerks commenced
on the 1st to count the moneys and securi-
ties in the United States Treasury at Wash
ington, and it was not expected that they
would complete the work before the 10th
inst.
THERE were 1877 business failures in the
United States and Canada during the seven
days ended on the 1st, against 219 the
previous seven days. The distribution
was as follows: Middle States, At; New
England States, 16; Western, 46; South
ern, 40; Pacific States and Territories, IS:
Canada, 80.
AT twenty-six leading clearing houses
in the United States the exchanges during
the week ended on the I'd aggregated $685.
1877, 432 against $685. $50 the previous
week. As compared with the correspond
ing period of 1884, the falling off amounts
to 48.4 per cent.
In the United States and Canada the fire
losses for April aggregated $7,750000, and
for the four months of 1855 49,, $50 900, or at
the rate of over $1O5, 100000 for the year.
This increase was said to be out of pro-
portion to the advanced value of property.
ON the 4th the President and most of the
members of his Cabinet accompanied the
veterans of the Army Of the Potomac ON
their annual visit to the battlefield of Get
tysburg, and were received with a salute
of artillery.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

WASHINGTON, May Miss Clara Bar
ton, President of the American branch of
the Red Cross Association, in an interview
yesterday, called attention to the activity
of the movements of the Red Cross Assocfa-
tons in Europe during the last year, and
expressed the opinion that this increased
activity has resulted from quickened APP
prehensiGns of impending war; She said
that the close relations existing between
the leaders of the Red Cross Association
and the military officials of the various ma
tons cause the former to note with accu-
racy the warlike pulse-beats of the world,
and that she considers it significant that
there have been of late many active move
ments On the part of the Association.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

The Boston Globe rays that the
usual boom at this season of the year
in transatlantic travel has disappeared.
mot in five years." said one of the
leading ocean passenger agents the
other day, "has tao outlook been so
bad. When l think of the magnificent
lists which were going out this time
last year and compare them with
the present, / am tempted to tear my
hair and put ashes on my head"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
Almost Too Horrible for Credence.

Tucson, A. T., May 5.-An account of q
terrible tragedy has just been received from
Taratan, Mexico The seyen-year-old son
OF wealthy resident named Lopez was re-
Gently kidnapped, and the father was noti-
fled that the child would be killed
if $4,000 ransom was not deposited at
certain place within two days. BY
accident the note to the father was not de-
livered till too late to negotiate with the
criminals. At the expiration of the second
day the father found the body of his child
in the courtyard horribly mutilated. A
twelve-year-old sister, on seeing her BROTH
ers corpse, fell dead. The father has be
come raying maniac
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

In the Charlestown Mass Peniten-
tiary there is life-prisoner who says he
has bullet in his head which he can
feel move whenever he shakes his Graz
MUM. He has sold his head to q doc
tor for fifteen dollars, with the proviso
that he is to keep it until his life sem
tenee has expired.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

The capital of West Virginia was re-
moved on the LIST of May from Wheel
ing to Charleston, Kanawha County.
The seat of Government of that State
has been shifted several times from one
to the other of these municipal aspirants
for capitolian honors, and it is now
hoped that the new location will be q
permanent one.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

ABOUT the dearest piece of animate
pork in America is in the possession of
a Stroudsburg P~) farmer The
other evening he went to feed his hogs
and dropped pocket-book containing
six hundred dollars in bank-notes, and
sn industrious porcine gobbled up the
book and seemed to relish the green
backs as he would so much green corr.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

THERE Is very large colony of Rus
sian Mennonites in Bon Homme and
other counties in Dakota, and they re-
tain most of their old country practices.
One of these is their weekly fair. Ev-
cry Thursday thousand or more OF
them gather at Scotland, bringing what.
ever they may wish to sell or trade.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

II is reported that the maple sugar
crop OF Vermont this year will exceed
IN value $1,000,000. Vermont now
produces about one-third of the maple
sugar manufactured in this country.
Ohio and Indiana have long since
deadened and burned the finest sugar
groves which grew anywhere in the
land
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
--"Hello, old man, where are 70

-"Hello, old man, where are you
bound?" inquired the conductor of an
acquaintance in the smoking-car. GO
ing back East" was the response.
rather sourly. "Have you quit rail-
reading out in Idaho?' Eyes, have"
whats the lnatterP' ''Oh, / don't
want TO run locomotive in country
where towns die off so fast that in the
place where we get our dinners one
day the next day we stop as usual and
look all arouad, but not shanty is to
be seen. / like my dinners regularly, /
do, and no more Idaho in mine,
please "--Cbicdgo Herald.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

ALEADING New York journal says
that whatever else is the trouble with
us we are happily independent of jeal-
ousies, OF ambitious dreams, bloody
waSs and territorial greed; and if for
eign nations will 60 to war we can sit
quietly at home and philanthropically
aid them all by supplying them with
food from our abundance, and dong
tho carrying trade of the world under
the safe conduct Of the stars and
stripes
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

A NUMBER of cannon were washed UP
near the shore at Pointe Aux Anglais,
Can, by the recent great storms. They
are supposed to be relics of the disaster
to an English fleet which occurred there
nearly two hundred years ago, and
from which Pointe Aux Anglais derived
It's name.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

JAMES STEPHENS, twenty years ago
the great head-center of the Fenian or
ganization, has been driven out of
France on suspicion of being implicated
In the dynamite explosions in England
last fall, and is at Brussels, old, poor
and feeble.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
Tramps Flogged and Driven from Town.

ANDERSON, Ind, May -Four tramps
were taken from Jail Wednesday night by
forty men armed with long switches and
whipped until they bled For the past ten
days a gang of tramps have terrorized the
suburbs of Anderson. After the whipping
of the tramps a gauntlet was formed to the
river, and through this the tramps were
compelled to run and plunge into the river.
When each one reached the water he was
bleeding from the castigation he received
All got out safely on the other side. The
citizens of Anderson generally approve Of
the course taken.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

RICH and influential landowners in
Great Britain, including such persons
as the Duke of Argyle and the Earl of
Carnarvon, have begun movement
which has for its object the breaking
up of the largc-parcel system of land
ownership.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

M. DE LEssEPs was received into the
french Academy few days ago His
.eech is the shortest on the Academv's
record. M. Renan, replying, compli-
mented M. de Lesseps upon his adopt
ing the manly and piquant style of ora
tory originated by the Americans.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

The collcgians of France and the
young ladies ofvarious neutrality-suspicious.
have determined this year to go with
out the prizes awarded them annually,
so that the money spent in that way
may be used to aid in supplying the
wants of the wounded soldiers in Ton
uyiin
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

The Viennese astronomer, Palisa,
having proposed to allow any ono who
would pay him forty-fiYe pounds the
privilege of naming the last discovered
asteroid, the offer was accepted by a
Hungarian shop-keeper, who sent in
the name of his firm, Paprika-Schies-
niger, ard the name was duly given
the star. In this advertising age, other
industrious astronomers should be able
to do . thriving business in thus
placar6Hg the sky with the names Of
enterprising individuals seeking to
make their wares known. Carreask
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

THERE will be two editions of the
Revised Bible, the Oxford and the Cam
bridge, but as the plates used by each
University are cast from the same type,
the editions will be identical.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

THE progress of civilization is reflected
in a recent proclamation by Governor
McCurtain, of the Choctaw Nation, call
ing upon all practicing physicians to
meet medical examiners at the princi-
pal towns and undergo examination.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08
Two More victims of the tenement Fire

New YORK. May 5.-Miss Koerner, aged
twenty-seven, and Sophie Koerner, aged
thirteen, victims of the Sunday morning
tenement-house fire, died in the hospital
yesterday morning, making the number of
dead ten, with two more dying, and eight
still in the hospital in various stages Of dis
tress. 1t is thought that the death list will
end at fifteen. The building department is
in an nproar because Of the DEVELOPMENTS
of the fire, and a vigorous raid on defective
tenements and fire-eScapes will be made at
once. It is still claimed that Joseph Hum
phrey fired the building. His BODY was
first found dead by the frenen.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

A REMARKABLE coincidence is report
ed near Rising Sun, Ind. Two broth
ers named Thurmer recently became
violently insane at about the same time.
The cause was a mystery.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

IT is announced that Baron Nor
denksjold is preparing for a fresh at
tempt to reach the North Pole by way
of islands south of Siberia.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

THREE German capitalists have pur-
chased from the Canadian Government
large tract of land in the Northwest,
on which to establish Swiss colony.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

MISS FRANCES E. WILLARD denies the
Associated Press report that she recent
ly asserted that she had revelation"
on the woman-suffrage question.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

IT is reported that two millions of
dollars of New England's money was
invested in North Carolina gold mines
last wear.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

A NEW law now in force in Ohio re-
quires all the hangings in the State to
take place at the Columbus Peniten-
fiarv
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

ALABAMA physicians say that pneu-
monia is now worse In that State than
ever before within thirty or forty years.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1885-05-08

A Solitary Individual Enters an Express
Car Near Harrodsburg, Ind, Shoots
and Beats the Messenger and Baggage
man, Robs the Safe and Gets Away
with an Amount Estimated at About
$4,000.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
WISDOM.

Tell me what company you keep and
/ will tell you what you are. Refuse not
to be informed, for that shows pride or
stupidity.
Wise men are instructed by reason I;
men Of less understanding by experience;
the most ignorant by necessity and
beasts by nature.-[ Cicero.
May we consider each night as the
tomb Of the departed day, and seriously
leaning over IL, read the inscription writ
ten by conscience, OF Its character and
exit.-lFoster.
Enjoy the blessings Of this day, II God
sends them, and the evils bear patiently
and sweetly, for this day only is ours; we
are dead to yesterday and are not born
to to-morrow.-[Taylor.
War can hardly be waged between two
great nations, without extending be-
yond them. The fire of war naturally
spreads, the true principle Of nation,
as OF an individual, Is to suffer wrong
rather than do it.-[Channing.
The wisest and happiest man, Is he,
who by constant attention OF thought,
discovers the greatest opportunity Of
doing good, and with ardent and ami
mated resolution, breaks through every
opposition that he may improve these
opportunities.-[ Doddridge.
Word should never be spoken too fast
they never result to any thing good. A
man with quick temper will show his
character by his words, wherever he Is
lie will always be disliked by his fellow
men. Never say any thing in haste, for
word once spoken cannot be recalled
I Tillotson.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
The Problem.

written for the Light.
There's something wrong, and this all
know full well;
But yet the wisest seeks the cause In
vain;
No light breaks on the weary search
er's brain,
The secret deep, the hidden cause to
tell.
The rich are here, who would decry true
wealth,
Because few may gain by greed or
stealth,
Would bring dark chaos back to earth
again,
And undermine the source of life and
health;
But, still, what must be done, or
thought. or said,
When men and women beg to toll for
bread?
And want and famine dire their thou
sands Stay,
In this, our boosted land of equal laws!
And yet no hand Is found their march to
stay,
No mind to grasp, define, or note the
cause! NJ.
San Pedro, Houston county, Jan. 1885.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
An Historic Picture.

In Thursdays issue, the LIGHT made
mention Of an historical picture exposed
at Mic Tengg's and is informed that
the work was done by Mr.. Gentilz, artist,
volunteer of 1916 and for the inform
alton Of our readers we give part Of the
history, which the picture represents.
At about dark, on the 25th of March,
1919, the II decimated Texans (prisoners
at Mler, Mexico,) were ordered out into
separate court yard of the hacienda Of
FL Salado, to be shot.
just previous to the firing they were
bound together with cords, and their
eyes bandaged, they were then set upon
their executioners. They all begged
the officer to shoot them In front, and at
a short distance, saying: 1--WE are not
afraid to look death In the face" This
he refused, and to make his cruelty more
barbarous, ordered the firing to be done
at will and lasting from 10 to ~ min
utts.
The names OF the horoes and Of their
nativity are as follows: L. l.. Cash,
Pennsylvania; James Cooke, Virginia;
Robert Durham, william NJ. Eastland
Tennessee; Edward Este, New Jersey
Robert Harris, Mississippi; Thomas JEFF
ferson, Kentucky; Patrick Mahan, Ire.
land; James Ogden, Virginia; Charles
Robert, Tennessee; William Rowan
Georgia; j. l.. Shepherd, Alabama; J
NJ. N. Thompson, Tennessee; james
Toney. Connecticut; James Turnbull
Scotland; Henry Whaling, Indiana; NJ
G. Wing, New York.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
Unqualified Praise.

Every train from the East brings a
Pullman car full of Northern people, who
stay here day or two. Nearly all Of
these are visitors who have not been so
far South before. and the expression of
delight and surprise at the beauties and
advantages Of San Antonio and the sur
rounding country is unanimous. A high
degree Of appreciation is also paid to
the hospitality and oourteousness the
citizens Of San Antonio show to visitors.
This Is fiatterlng for the future Of our
city, as the personal recommendation OF
this class Of visitors is the best conceiv-
able advertising.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
Biddy's Idea of Dressing a Goose

Pcklehammer went hunting one day,
and was so fortunate as to kill fine
wild goose. He was very proud Of his
success, and invited number of his
friends to his bachelor abode next day
20 partake of roast goose.
The goose in question was given to
Biddy, his cook, who was but just ar
rived from "Onld.lreland," with instruc-
tions to "dress 1t in style, as he expected
company to dinner"
At the appointed time the guests, with
visions Of deliciously Drowned goose
floating ever before their eyes, repaired
to the residence OF Plcklehammer,
The dinner bell sounded, and In an
swer to Its summons the hungry COM
pany adjourned to the dining room.
They beheld the goose, to be sure,
lying in state on huge platter
in the center of the table, but
in the rare and feathered condition in
which 1t had left the sportsman's hands,
and most strikingly and stylishly attired
In "Mother Hubbard" dress Of a fam
ing pattern, and poke bonnet.
Biddy was summoned by the angry
| Picklehammer and was commanded to
explain why she had dressed the goose
in this ridiculous way instead Of cooking
it properly.
"Houly Mosesl" exclaimed the irate
damsel,. Eyer honor liver tould me to
cook the haste, an sure and wasn't II
yersilf as tould me to dhress 1t In sthoyle
an didn't spind the hull Of Yesterday
maxim the oritter Elegant 'Mithel
Hubby out Of some PAGES lift from me
own and n swate bunnit. Arrah! arrah
an It's lawn this house III be thii
blissid day sure, where my efforts Il
PLACE Is onnyprayciated."
Picklehammer hasn't been on "wilt
goose chase" lately.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
A HOME
OR A FARM FOR ALL.
Special Attention Invited to the
Following List of Bargains
In Lands, Ranches, City
Residences, Farms,
Building Lots !

We represent solely every piece OF
property advertised by us, and we claim,
without fear of contradiction, that we
have the largest and most diversified
list Of property in the Southwest; that
our facilities for showing property are
better, and we give more advertising
advantages to our clients than any other
firm in this city. We are prepared, at
all times, to accompany buyers to any
portion of the State where We offer
lands, and advise all wishing Information
to call or write for our Circular List Of
Bargains just out by
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03
BARGAIN COLUMN.
Parties Wishing TO Buy. Rent or
Sell Should Consult this
Column.
A FINE FARM OF 100 ACRES, FOR SALE.

AFNE FARM OF 100 ACRES, FOR SALE.
Fine tract of land of LOO acres, In
Harris county, six miles from Houston,
on Buffalo Bayou, railroad running by
same. Plenty Of water, grass and tim
Der. Some improvements, and part
under cultivation. Four hundred tons
of hay cut from same last season. viii be
sold cheap and on easy terms, at q bar
gain. Address, +. b. johnson, this
office, or j. w Bradley, Real Estate
Agent, San Antonio. 5-5-tf
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1885-02-03

A four room cottage, two galleries,
hall, stable, carriage house, well water
and irrigable land, for sale, 81 300
young fruit trees, shrubbery and shade
on place.
A five room cottage, stable, carriage
room, plenty of shade, and hydrant
water. Price 5000.