The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-01-22

uCu0n-
TIM shosmaksE,s y . hss1ing art
A TIN vote-a matrimonial engage
ment.
MANI editors jokes are smear nom
sense.
Love is blind. especially il the girl
u rich.
IT is no use for bald Irishman to
put pomade on his head, and sing:
Hair oil raise my Ebenezer. Paris
Beacon.
PULL many flower Is born to blush unseen.
And waste It's frsg an:e on the do ert arr
Full many man hath drawn another queen,
And pulled swee ensd jack pot f.om its lair
| - Washington Haichet
LEvrrY about o breach of promise
suit is not meet. but it makes us smile
to think that the damage claimed is a
tender-lawin' stake. Teras SUtings.
SWELL. said George, Il must CO."
and then he said goodnight with the
Emma Abbott attachment thereunto
appertaining. If you must, you
mussed," replied Linda, @look at my
hair and ruffie." And he ruffied.
"WnL you help me press some
leaves?" the maiden asked her lover.
"H you will fasten them in your waist
belt I'll see what / can do" he an
swered. And thus q popular method
of pressing autumn leaves was in
vented.
AN ingenious woman has devised q
plan for getting satisfaction even from
her spouse's sonorous shores. When
| he gets we'll under way she ties mouth
harmonicon under his nose, and she de-
clares the music is lovely.
A TEMPERANCE advocate charged the
editor of q Western religious paper
with drinking whisky. The editor in
some establishment replied, "Why, you
wouldn't expect me to eat it with o
spoon, would you?" = Philadelphia
Call.
Elm street appears the following sign:
MY viii Is good,
My price In just;
III treat You we'll.
But can not trust.
--Harper's Bazar.
snow, darling. will you grant me one
favor before 1 ge?" "Yes, George, 1
will" she said, dropping her lashes and
getting her lips in shape. "What is the
favor can grant your "Only little
song at tho piano, love; / am afraid
there is dog outside waiting for me,
and want to brighten him away
New York Star.
AN exchange advises farmers to give
their hogs red-pepper tea as soon as
oh sc Io1
you do it, farmers; don't do it. The
pepper will start the hog to sneezing,
and the country will be filed with wild
galoots trying to sell you snuff boxes
and handkerchiefs for the convenience
of your hogs.-Ne,oman Independent.
A DINER at table d'hote displays
signs of irritation just because the
waiter happens to have spilled pl tie
of soup over his coat. "Don't worry,
sir-don't worry" says the head-waiter;
at is 7 o'clock" "What in thunder
has that got to do with it," yells the
victim. AFTER $3.50, sir, our soup
doesn't grease-hot water, sir; that is
all. "-Paris ECenmert.
JOHNNY AND THE BEE.
Careless little Johnny sat
Upon humble bee
And It's not wonder that
He rose quite hurriedly.
But before he settled square,
Across Bees mint did flash:
I'll run my stinger out, swear.
Before he makes a mashl
Johnny put his hands behind
And found a bee was dead.
And where the bee had been did find
place a little red.
The Judge.
/ SUSPECT that we underrate the
Mongol. The celestial, with all his
ignorance, has his share of shrewdness.
When some American capitalists were
endeavoring to get the consent of the
Chinese mandarins to develop the coal
fields of China, their answer was at
least not without diplomatic skill mo,
we cannot permit it. First, it will dis
place the center of gravity, and the
world will tumble over; second, If it is
a good thing for you it is good for us. /"
-Ingleside.
WHEN the late Gen. Ney, Duke of
Elchingen, was commanding the caval-
ry at Versailles, circus manager was
introduced, who came'to obtain dozen
cuirassiers to take part in the grand
triumphal entree of his circus. Il sup
pose you cdu nave tHtlll, huSWeIeu Ulo
Duke. "Whatll you pay them? p
"Three francs head. "Three francs !"
exclaimed the Duke, who was very
prudent in money matters. why,
man, I'll go myself"
HER SOLE WISH
know most women have a very thrOng
OF wishes: everything beneath the sun
They Cry and clamor tor; but among
The world OF wishes have only one
Just for little year OF what dream
This granted, life could be, would resign
The three-score years scant living, and would
deem
Myself most happy could such choice be mine.
Better. 1 say, one hour upon tho height
Than ages In the alleys rcstfn fold:
Bet er my ono ali-perfect. pure delight
Than oil the palcr pleasures lie can hold.
Then grant me, gods. the joy for which cry.
And take me ere its blessedness has waned:
Give me, pray. n de,nijohn of good old rye,
And break the demi ohm ere tbs wholly drained.
Riding Double.
Mr. Russell, famous M. i. II. in
the west of England, was on one occa-
sion running q fox hard ina wild and
unfrequented part of his country, when,