The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-12-03
THE MERRY SIDE!

Keely's Motor has been thrust before the pub
lie again. 1t is still being run by natural gas.
*.+
"I can't see," said the turkey gobbler, 'where
lies the righteousness of giving thanks by muir
der.''
Many man sings "Here, Lord, give myself
away" without knowing how terribly he is
doing it.
Boston has had another sens ttion. She has
raised from Baked Beans to Sunday prize
fight.
No great. man in this country ought to be
willing to die until after the death of the last
wood cut artist
They have voted the whisky out of Atlanta.
This proves that even Democracy can get along
without whisky.
The Democrats have been sending the Presi-
dent 'possums for Thanksgiving dinner. He
sends them back 'crow."
SIS"
G. Kerry, of Dubuque Iowa, has lost Faith in
marriage. 1t was Kate Faith, who married him
then ran off with his money.
The name of the Clerk of the Court in Hamil-
ilton county is Dan. Dalton. The Democrats
now write it D-n Dalton.
Ironton has started to bore hole through the
earth. If they don't find oil or gas, they'll let
air through the old thing anyway.
Down at Winchester, in Adams county, they
are hearing tpanthers'' scream at night. Mix a
little more water with it, gentlemen.
+.*
Judge Foraker is thinking about renting
Music Hall, in Cincinnati. He wants room to
file away the applications for office.
'Now, boys,' said Jackson woman to her
boys who started out hunting, be careful, and
don't carry your guns loaded %
A woman in Wisconsin is accused of being a
witch, and is charged with causing the hog
cholera. She must be awful ugly.
When Mississippi Congressman accuses a
Foreign Minister with being an assassin, it is
time to rejoice in the beauties of Reform.
Allen o. Myers says Judas Iscariot was no
worse than the common run of politicians.
That's voice from the Democratic side.
The Mormons in Utah are turning the tables
by arresting U. S. officials for cohabitating with
prostitutes. But the great Mormon evil must.
<.+
The people of Princeton, KY, have good
deal to answer for. They rescued a College
graduate who was los It in cave near that place.
Two thousand feet in Portsmouth and no gas!
Well, tallow candles are cheap and Jackson
county could supply the city with pine knots.
49,
The Ironton Register says the Indians now at
that place use bologna sausage as regular diet.
The "dog-feast" alway was favorite with saw
age epicures.
An exchange says ''the rabbit market has
been lively" A score of hunters at this place
can testify to the same thing-so lively they
couldn't hit 'em, at all.
The changing of to g. in the Cincinnati re-
turns, was clear case of "seven-up." But the
Circuit Court seems to have "euchered" the
Democracy after all.
'tHa!" said Jumbo-Mumbo, King of the Can
nibal Islands, as he placed large, fat missiona-
ry before his wives, ''See what fine turkey me
brought em for THANKSGIVING"
The Treasury Department has discovered
great scarcity of silver dimes, and has ordered
more of them coined. The Treasury Depart
ment has never visited the saloons.
ga fea," said an Irish wit, sis moity nimble
crayther-when ye put yer hand on him, he
isn't therer' The Senatorial candidates in Gin
cinnati have found out this great truth.
Its nice thing to be an heir, but not an heir
to the McCarbetal estate, at Salem, Illinois.
There is six hundred dollars and forty-five
heirs, and they are lawing about this amount.
+.+
"Young WON en- are not particular enough in
whom they marry" declared lee
turer.
"But the young men are ~ sighed an old
maid.
Capt. Howgate has been seen. and wants to
quit travelling. He signs for quiet and rest. In
the language of the good old hymn, he seeks
SIN solitude to shed the ''Peniten-tial tear.
Another man, this time in Springfield, Ohio,
swallowed his false teeth. Dentists should
make teeth of more digestible ma terial, if peo-
pie will persist in making lunches off of them.
"."
"We should" said the farmer, ''be thankful
on this day for everything" But when he
found that somebody had stolen hame-string
from his harness, he woke the echoes in that
whole neighborhood
Old John Robinson has to pay five thousand
dollars because one of his horses, "Old Ginger"
trampled woman. Old John has probably
gingered many horse, but the tables are turn
ed this time.
His Majesty, the Emperor William, recen tly
shot twenty head of game, at grand hunt. 1t
required about as much skill as it does to go
into slaughter-house and stick pig.
What the illustrated magazines of this couh-
Try need at this time of year, is an artist who
will not picture rabbits with the fore feet
;praddled out like playful kitten. They don't
run that way.
"God is merciful to us !" said the minister who
was preaching THANKSGIVING sermon, seven
he hairs upon our heads are numbered" Then
he girls and boys looked up and snickered.
The minister was bald-headed.
-
A drunken man walked into police head
uarters in Philadelphia, and declared he had
killed man in Chicago. There is no record of
t, but he couldn't see how a man could get
trunk on Chicago whisky and not kill some
body.
From the reports in the daily papers it seems
hat the ministry is suffering almost as much
rom scoundrels, as are the Skating Kinks. The
coundrel makes mistake-a man don't have
o be preacher to be good scound-el
Twenty men have proposed to Fannie Mills, |
he girl who wears No. 80 shoe-not on ac-
count of the great matrimonial feet, but be-
,ause the old man offers five thousand dollars
o any man who will marry her and take those
eet off of the farm.
Columbus has a constable who ought to be
stuffed and placed in museum. Having an
attachment against the manager of the Clara
Morris Company. he entered the private of
hat lady, and seized the whole businessmen
even allowing the lady to put on her hat.
Time, mdnight-man walking floor with
infant in arms-"Why, Mr.. Simp
8ins" said visiting cousin, "in our town a wo-
man would no more think of going of and
hn1 Cno,, c1nn