Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-09-25
A CROss-EYED LOVER.
he Awful Mistake Made by Miss
Eugenia Philpot

ould never trust or employ a cross
ed man, for the Lords had set His
ark on tho fellow, and that was
boueh for him. Now my great-grand-
thcr is dead-has been dead for some
ears-and l don't like to contradict
Is opinions, because he can't take his
Urn at opposing mine; but I do think
{ would have allowed that there are
sccpt;ons to tho rule. Surely Mr..
ugustus Holloway. the artist, was
pch an exception, for a more modest,
indy, sincere and generous person 1
ever knew, yet his eyes crossed in the
lost aggressive and perplexing way
Fer beheld; nor could any curious or
t%icntitc observer fully describe the
elative position of these organs; for if
on undertook to stare at them, you
ever knew that one eye was not stern
glaring at you with rebuke; and, in
eed. it generally was. Augustus did
ot like to be inspected; deformities
(aturally make their possessors sonsi-
i've, and his had been a source of much
toublc to him, for his Dyes looked so
many ways that he was held account
bile for wandering glaaces that he
ever sent or meant.
Once, at an artists reception. no was
Eollared and dragged into the anteroom
BY q fiery and unnamed young naval
b%licer, who considered that this meek
kreature had stared at his betrothed
20 persistently for endurance. while
eslly Mr.. Holloway was ~intently
studying light and shade on a canvas
kar to one side and above the shrink
Ag damsel's head, with a view to
'itlg his annual report of this ':in-
eresting OCCASION for a daily news
(aper. 1t took several minutes and
he intervention of four agonized
f.ends to rescue Augustus from the
impending cane of Lieutenant Black.
ind make that gallant tar understand
he great obliquity OF his victims
%ision; but, alas! nc apologies
Eould heal the wounded spirit, for the
rouble was to be lifelong 9, and who
NEW how often he might provoke pun
Ehment and how rarely escape from
The experience opened to him an
(wful vista.
He could not be cured by surgery
Plat had been tried in vain; and it was
Equally vain for him to try to keep his
E!yes on some inanimate thing when
here was danger of his offending, for
nc eyes themselves were recusant; and
FHen in church, if one regarded the
preacher. the other shot dark glances
kmong the pews.
He was upbra;ded by young lovers
or watching their shy billing and
Foomg. when he was really cycling
md talking to the disappearing dow
ea@@e: opposite him to attract her atten-
Ion away from the doves.
he narrowly escaped an experience
At the police court because. while he
vas buying cologne at a druggists,
Inc cast one o. them heyes of his'n
lght hinto the safe 1 was a hopenin'
stead of mindin' his hown BUSINESS
rs the new clerk testified in court when
mat safe, the very mcknight, had been
popened and robbed. 1t was lucky for
augustus that he had dealt with the
s1hop-man who sold him his All Rae
Pc Ia C2oche farina for the last ton
years; and even the judge smiled when
1hat disguised clerk rebutted the little
EnSlishman's testimony with: "Oh,
%lonsense! that was Mr.. Holloway, the
painter; he'd have been glad enough
70 throw both of his eyes into the safe,
y they'd come out straight; but ne
wasn't even lookin' into it. for he said
10 me. when l give him the cologne,
what's that green stuff in the topJar'
Its a lovely Tint"
Poor Augustus! to repeat his adven'
lures would take longer than the Ara
oian Nights. and be far more monoton'
f1Ns, Tor they all hinged on those un:
u nged eyes. But worst of all, he fel
Eohe tine day. not in a ditch or chalk
PIT but recklessly fell in love. There
were two Misses Philpot living in tn
humerical-named street round the cor
her IRON his studio. l do not and dare
hct give the real name of the street
lest some fearfully veracious person
should directly set to work and prov
.nat there vas such a str's.t. ane
40 nous with that aspect and plan II
.'at street, and no PhIlpots aver llVe'
~ that street or house either. l an
wiling to give it up on the PhilPots
"iu t OWE that I have supplied then
WIN a new name for this occasion y
ana ald that I should have said there wer
'Afee Misses Philpot. but I really torgo