Daily Republican., 1885-09-16
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

d" swimming is unhealthy. 1t was on
lily this morning that you were com.
Iplaining OF pain In yOur stomach.
That's 50, pa, but know how to swim
on my back"
Little Miss Pert" oh, mammal Lila
Benson's got little brother. Won't
you buy me one, mamma" We're |
TOO poor, dear. haven't the money"
Il" Couldn't you pay dollar week on
him, mammal, That's the way you got
the clothes wringer, you know"
"There is only one thing that makes
line doubt the truth OF the Gospel said
Colonel Mooney, when Bob Roosevelt
was trying to persuade his friend TO
turn from the error Of his ways.
4" What is that?" asked Roosevelt.
I" The apostles we're nearly all fisher
men,"
Big sister (shouting to Bobby
Il" Bah bee! You are wanted to do an
errand." Bobby (shouting back 81
" Tell mother can't do 1t now. I'm
busy" Big sister" It's not mother
who wants you; It's father" Bobby
Chastity" All right. Tell him III
be- there in minute"
"Why, Harry, you couldn't be 80
= lcruel rs 70 wish to stone that poor little
bird? How do you think its little ones
-lwould feel waiting all day for their
{ father to bring home worm?" Harry
! (after due reflection -" Well, 1t would
TO all right II killedt tbs whole family
wouidn't III"
II Bobby" said the minister at the
h dinner table, "what do you expec5 TO
minister. l shink." aHrha,'s q laud.
|. able ambition, indeed, Bobby. Do you
" think you will like to be n
minister" "Oh, yes," Bobby replied.
Pa says you've got the s1fteet job in
- Town."
D Confcund it ALL" said Smith,
=, there comes Jones, and owe him ",
% He'll ask me for 1t, sure" !" III tell
d you what to do" suggested Smiths
n friend. "Just take drink out OF that
N lstreot fountain" How will that
ts prevent him from asking me for the
a money" He'll think you haven'i
K got any"
ltl Colonel Yerger has just been paying
mum Der OF bills which his hopeful son
=, who il a student at the University Of
4, Texas, had contracted. had nc
n idea" said the old man TO his son
al "that studying was 40 expensive,
ok i" Oh, yea, 1t costs money" replied thu
,tsIyOutu, anu uiuh oVuuy ~ w.
~. much, either"
X, Featherly was making an evening
Icall, and the new minister WAS being
x. discussed. Presently the gentleman
d. himself was shown into the parlor
Tor Good evening, Mr.. Longprayer,
70 said Featherly cordially. We wer
WI lust speaking about you as you cam
III in. Speak Of the dev--er-yes-um-
at warm evening Mr.. LonRprayer."
The minister was discussing the q ues
Il. lion of baptism with the infant clast
est He was not sure how many OF tn
NO children understood the full siHnih
i nu canoe of the rite. "How many OF 20,
nv have been baptisedP" he asked. Sovt
&C, raj OF the children put up their hands
4 as there any one else who has bee
49, baptised 2" asked the minister.
: w " little girl shyly raised her hand.
md haven't been baptised," she said, br
Use l I've beon vaccinated.'
go Gentleman" What are you dom
Uncle Rastus?" Uncle RAJ
TOI tus-"I'se workin' TO- Sam Jones, sab.
gu. G en- tleman-" What at?" Uncle Rae
ven tus-" Pickin' black berries up on o
n Mrs Browns pasture lot" Gentlema
: --"Dosen't Mrs. Brown object to II?
RI- Uncle Rastus-"She doan't know 1t
=.
~ for pickin' Mrs. Browns berriesi
Z Uucle Rastus-" He lows me ha II VIII
. pick"
DEs "Do yon ever think, George, dear
al Bill abe said, and her voice was soft III
w low, as betitted the perfect beauty
'OR the night, how ciosely true happine
Mrs. Ia allied, with tear" don't belle
IT. ever do" replied George. Yss
ri she went on. looking up into his IA
-. when one is truly and wholly happ
ct there In but little to divide smile a.
-, u tear" "That's q fact, said Geori
NV but l never thought of IT befo
81. There's nothing but the nose"
I'm In a car on train bound West
rest was discovered that little boy show
2ts symptons of measles. You will hs
-----.i to take the child forward to the smt
a-ti mother, "He cannot remain here
- AS the tired mother complied nth
EN-. ldictnm, the little boy said: rs he
hast doctor, mamma" "No," she rerli
2t' {" he il a conductor" Well, th'
ON how does he know that tobacco smt
stan. Is good for the measles?'
t ,tc,sk As one of the aldermen was leavl
the City Hall the other day he was
lp. ICOsteO ny bliahBoi, uiuooh "".J
=.s..- der a rye straw hat and linen dus,
E.c with: "Is this the City Hall?" 80
eI IL sir" "Is their an up stairs to 1
rni. "Certainly." Can go mp in the c
and yator?D HYou can. "And come do
1T 1.-THE same way?" Yes SIR" I
Thanks l wanted 70 write colu
sketch about it for our home pa
Those are facts enough. Goodbye"
johnny Fizzletop, who is attend
i ithe Texas University, did not ret'
Cu nome until about o'clock the OF
afternoon. Johnny, how did
n IN. come to be kept ip?" asked his fail
4plest AZ gave you written excut
lien " know You did, pa, but ! did
Il nor present it TO tho teacher" rep
,ryous Johnny. Why did you not do q
suffer II regret TO hurt your feelings, pa,
upon your style Of composition il not au
n ,ser and felt u delieacy 10 exposing the
Wits norauce of the bead of the famil
ING "Bes sure and come up at the Key
burn. IG, darling" wrote q young lady !
itbout postscript to her love. Key OF
d can exclaimed the gentleman. what
digest earth does that nean?" I" Key of
, t hose Why, that means one sharp" ans
/ an Tered his musical room mate.
TaketI nust not exhibit my ignorent
Fad OF replied the Young lover. I'll pay
root HACK In her own musical language,
the deuce of 1t Is l don't know
mail musical note from chicken traf
" Write and tell her that the Key o