The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-11-13

from these:
KALKULAsHUNs oV A PRoGNoSTIX NATURE
Whenever yu see fox ov geese all stand
ing on one leg, except the old gander, and hi
clawing hiz cud, look out for southwest
wind tewmorrow, or the next day or the day
after, or at some fewter time.
Should there be cold weather during Feb
ruary, and should roosters refuse to crow and
the taxgatherer forgit tew call on yu, yu will
hay tew trust in Providence, and go it blind
for thare amt no man kan prognostiX what
will cum next.
Whenever dogs are seen travelling around
with nothing to do, and old maids refuse their
tea, and hop vines wont klimb, and grind
stuns wont grind, then yu may expekt lite
crop ov OATS and beans wont pay for har
vesting.
lfthe sun rizes in the east and sets in the
west, and the bull frogs sings sans in the
marshes, and there amt no pulling hair in
| the family circle, things are about az near
| right az yu can git them
Should there be no dew on the grass, in
the morning before sunrise, it IL an infallible
prognostix, that there didn't emmy dew fall.
EPIGRAMs.
If we give up our minds to little things we
never shall be fit for big ones. / knew q
man once who could ketch more flies with
one swoop of his hand than ennyboddy else
could, and he want good at ennything else.
About the hardest thing phellow kan do
IL tew spark tew girls at onst and preserve a
good average.
Going to law IL like skinning new milk
cow for her hide and giving the beef tew the
lawyers
II a man haint got a wel-balanced head
like teW see him part his hair in the mid
die
l had rather undertake tew be two good
doves than one decent serpent.
SAWS.
Fortune-Thc aggregate of possibilitys;
goddess whom towards court by stealth, but
whom brave men take by storm
Graveyard-A small patch ov land cult
waited by the dead Icing between time and
eternity
Anxiety-Miking kicking heifer with
one hand and holding her by the tail with the
other.
Marriage-An alter on which man lays his
pocketbook and woman her love letters
Bliss-Happness bileing over and running
down both sides ov the pot.
Mser-A wretch who haz dug out hiz
heart tew stow away hiz mummy in.
Soitude-A good place tew visit, but a
poor place tew stay.
Lap dogs-A nucleus for affeckshun out
w JOU.
Bacheor-The hero of cot bedstead.
Hash--A boarding house confidence game.
Deceit-A dead wasp with live tail
Sarcasm-An undertaken in tears.
Stinginess-The bran of economy.
Mule-A bad pun on horse
Law-'The shackels ov liberty.
Enough-Jist leetle more.
Dignity Wisdom in tights.
Twins-2 much.
INFIDEIITY.
AS moral philosopher Josh was opposed
to infidelty. Here are few of his mild
comments on the subject:
Did you ever hear of mans renouncing
Christianity on his death bed and turning
infde?
Neither gamblers nor freethinkers have
faith enough in their professions to teach it
to their children.
No atheist, with all his boosted bravery
has ever yet dared to advertise his unbelief
on his tombstone.
A man may learn infidelity from books
and from his associates, but he can't learn it
from his mother nor the works of God that
surround him.
Unbelevers are always so ready and anx-
ious to prove their unbelef that l thought
they might be just a little doubtful about it
themselves.
The infidel, in his npudence, will ask you
to prove that the flood did occur, when the
poor idiot himself can't even prove, to save
his life, what makes one apple sweet and one
sour, or tell why hens egg is white and a
ducks egg is blue.