Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1885-05-20
HE Is NOW ON DECK,
HE 10 NJ" ON OECAs
With liniment, leeches and lint,
In q bullet-proof arm0r clad,
he straightway seeketh the battlefield;
And his heart il heavy and sad.
Is he q professional nurse,
Or Knight like the ones OF old
Nay, neither of these is this ead-eyed man,
But q base ball umpire bold.
MISCELLANEOUS.

Nay, neither OF these is this ead-eyed man,
But base ball umpire bold.
AISCELLANEOUS.
CANOEING promises to be favorite
pastime this season.
VcE-PREslDENT HENDRICKS and wife
intend to 60 to Europe during the
summer.
AN Indian doctor in Utah was stoned
to death recently by his tribeforhaving
failed to cure a patient under his
charge.
IT is estimated that not less than
900 men will make a regular business
ofplaying base ball professionally this
summer.
The American climate is treating
kindly the obelisk in Central Park,
New York, adverse reports to the
contrary.
Mrs. RAGLAN, who lives in the house
where Lees surrender was signed, says
that not over IL to Is visitors year
come to that noted dwelling. ,s.s.s,
A MACHINE has been invented for
pulling teeth by electricity. In re-
cent test seven teeth were pulled with
it in FIVE seconds.
The Rev. DR.. Talmage says he is CO.
ing to Europe to rest and get acquainted
with his family. He has their
photographs, but has had no time to
pet acquainted. 1t is the first rest he
has had in thirty years.
lam acquainted with a man who be-
came utterly broken down from drink
but took the pledge and kept it for ten
years. At the end of that timehe was
swept back by simply seeing his clergy
man take one glass of wine.-COl. L.
". Higginson.
"JoHN," said bright girl to her
lover the other day, ri am afraid you
are forgetting me-" "Yes, Jennie,"
was the brave answer, II have been
in for getting you these three years,
in fact, ever since knew you. .'-BOs-
ton Beacon.
IT is the young lover who finds him.
self kicked down the front stoop by
the irate parent trying to save enough
on coal and gas to pay taxes with,
who makes his appearance before the
foolights.--PittSburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
"MYsrERY gold," q composition of
platinum, tin and copper, which stands
ordinary acid tests, and is said to
weigh as much as pure gold, is in favor
in England for articles of jewelry, and
has been availed OF by counterfeiters
for the manufacture OF sovereigns.
HERE is a problem that has puzzled
some of the best arithmeticians / ever
knew. "If man puts 500 in a bank
the day he is 21 years ofage what sum
must he add to it yearly to have
$50, 900 on the day he is so years of
age, receiving 6 per cent. compound in
terest on his money ?"-Cincinnati
Commercial Gazette.
WHEN you take an opium pill see
what you swallow in the form OF al
kaloids, as the chemist calls them:
Narcotina, morphia, coda, pseu-
domorphia. thebania, narceia, papav-
erina, rhmadina, crytopia, lauthopia
laudancodia, codamia, deuteropia,
laudanosia, protopia and hydrocot-
| arnia.
A YOUNG man named Payne, en-
ployed in Emerson's scythe shop at
East Lebanon, N. H., while going to
get q pitcher of water from u spring
! near the railroad track, fell through
the bridge into the river, but escaped
with slight bruises. Not returning to
his work, it was thought he was
drowned but he was found at his home,
where he had gone for fear his fellow
workmen would laugh at him.-L0wcN
(Mass.) Courier.
The longest cotton row IN the coun-
try, and probably in the world, is on the
Shiloh farm of Messrs, Station Il jeff
ries. The row begins in the center of
q hundred acre field and goes round
and round, spiral-like, until the entire
field is gone over. TO side up the cot
ton on one side requires only five and
a. half DAYS. In this field Mr.. Jenries
estimates that he will during the cult
vation Of the crop save at least the
work of one horse for three weeks
Tarboro IN. C.) Southcrner.
A DEAFand dumb printer, who
worked five weeks on the White Pigeon
Journal nearly frightened the manager
out of his wits the other day by sudden
ly demanding his time and announcing
that he was going to leave. He was n
postal detective on the war path for
a couple of young men who were
using the mail for wrong purposes, and,
having captured his men, he took them
to MISUNDERSTANDING (Nich.) Re-
publican.
IN Paris Il telephone ticket at half
q franc is issued at any of the post
Offices, which entities the holder to
five minutes conversation with per-
sons at any other of the city post-of-
fees, or at any of the Telephone Com
| pany's stations. The Telephone
Company offers, at the same rate,
conversations at any OF it's eleven sta
tions with persons at any other sta
ton, or at the residence of any OF it's
! members.
An alleged representative OF an al
legged company, says the Chicago Trlb-
une, persuaded the hairless section
of Trenton's population that they
could each and all become the owners
of beautiful heads of natural hair, on
| g. professional scale of terms ranging
from $25 to $50 per head. The hair
was to be there within @ certain gwen
time or money refunded. The stipu-
lated time has elapsed and the hair
isn't there yet, and worse still, the
hair elixir man isn't there either.
HERE is an advertisement taken
from q recent issue of the London
Court Journal, which suggests that in
the matter of shrewd advertising the
English can easily hold their own:
''To ladiesgoing into mourningthrough
the unfortunate war in the Soudan,
having their wardrobes to dispose OF,
Mrs. would feel honored by their
patronage. Furniture, carriages, jew
elry, and plate bought. Money sent
New Street, Dorset Square, n. W. No
post cards. e.
Miss CLARA KNowLEs, OF Winter
port, was for several years q matron
| = -o~AonSo v,r;onn near ROafnn