Morning journal and courier., 1885-07-17
FAILURE ES.

l Out in Nebraska a man by the name of Onion has failed. He ought to be able to pay hundred scents on the dollar, though. It is said that Jay Gould dislikes railroad travelling. Perhaps he's afraid of being ! drowned. He well knows the amount of wa Y ter on the roads.-Yonkers Statesman. Paper plates are coming into fashion in the East. The only way the hired girl can get even is to bounce the tinware around and break stove covers.-Detroit Free Press. A Baltimore man recently kissed his wife so hard that she became deaf He is now said to be endeavoring to kiss her so much harder that she will become dumb.-Boston Post.
 It must be very healthy season over in now since we have heard of the death of any of Ellen Terry's husbands -Somerville Journal.
 Small pox was first introduced into Europe by the Sarad ems, but many of the people soon became acquainted with it without the formality of an troduction.-Newman In dependent.
 Mrs. Smith of Moultonborough, N. H., aged 93, recently took her first dose of medi- cine prescribed by physician. Apparently she has no desire to become centenarian.- Semerville Journal. There is a gorge in Yellowstone Park where no sound can be heard. When this becomes generally known married men of large families will flock thither for their va cations.-Lowell Citizen. The motto of the Audubon county, Iowa, Sentinel is: "Fear God, tell the truth and make money" It is only in the newspaper business that this combination can be made. i-Drake's Travellers Magazine. There are times in a mans life when the whole sky seems rose colored, and this old, dull world paradise One of these is when he has discovered a quarter in the lining of his last summers vest.-Boston Post. A (female) poet lanents: ''I sit all alone, sit by myself sit all alone" She used to read her verses to him while she had him. The grasshoppers and the tumble bugs make better poetry over his grave in the valley Buffalo Express.
 Musical Item-ttOne of these dollars is a counterfeit, ma'am" tHow can you tell?" Simply by sound. Just tap it and hear how clear the genuine sounds. That's tenor. Notice when[ tap the other one. That's base. "-Texas Siftings. "Do you ever have dreadful tired feeling come over you?' asked patent medicine
 ! manufacturer of 8 friend who complained of
 not feeling well.
 "Oh, yes, often," replied the friend 'sYou should try bottle of my cure all.
 | How often do you experience this tired feel | ingg'
 'sEvery time I see your advertisement on | the fences. ."-Exchange.
 A gentleman met a boy and asked him l what o'clock it was. Being told it was just
 | 12, he expressed some surprise, and said he thought it was more. ''1t's never any more
 ! in these parts, sir," said the boy simply, Fit begins again at l." In order to explain in a ! clear and simple manner the necessity of reg ! ulating our conduct by some fixed standard, ! schoolmaster asked pupil what he ought
 | to do with his watch if it went sometimes too | fast and sometimes too slow. ''Sel1 it" was
 the immediate response. A child who had | just mastered her catechism confessed herself disappointed, because, she said, though I
 1 obey the fifth commandment and honor my
 papa and mamma, yet my days are not bit
 longer in the land, because am still put to
 1 bed at ' o'clock '-Times of India. As rule mans fool.
 When it's hot he wants it cool, When it's cool he wants it hot,
 Always wanting what it's not,
 Never liking what he's got,
 I maintain rule,
 Mans fool.
 | St. Paul Globe