West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1885-06-12
SAVED From HE DRAFT.
How Peter DunS Managed To Escap
Conscription During the War.


During the darker days of tho war.
when it's holiday features had given
place to genuine blood and universal
sorrow; when the dazzling uniforms
had been dragged in the mud and dust
of many campaigns, and the soil of
every Southern State had swallowed up
the dear dust of brothers and sous. and
when the roll of drums and flash of
swords no longer won new recruits To
deaths grim carnival. there came tho
draft with all the honor>, but none of
the dcarly-bought glory of volunteer
service.
Pctor Duffy, an Irish blacksmith. with
a young wife and large family of holp-
less little children, was among tho first
in Southern Wisconsin to draw "A sor-
rowful pIizc. He felt that he absolutely
could not 90 He tried every way to
ovadc the call of certain death, but met
with nothing but chagrin, ridicu'c and
defeat
One day Hon. James III. Earnest was
speaking i'm the State Senate, when "A
messenger camo and told him that "A
man outside the Senate chamber wished
10 see him. Owing to somo nisundcr-
standing, Mr. Duly wa, ushcrcd into
the room. He had Il good deal OF hair.
which he allowed To grow i'm wild pro-
fusion. lie did not hold himself rpspon-
siblo in amy way for that hair His head
looked like an old hair mattress that
had been turned wrong side out by n
cyclone and deserted by its friends. lie
became the cynosurc of all eyes. The
speech lost its interest and came To "A
close
"Now, Peter" said Mr. Earnest.
whats the matter with youPn
"Sinator, I'm kilt, I'm cold carpsc.
Me wife is a WILDLY They do have me
grated, jim There only half a moilo
bcchunc me and parodoisc want vou
To see the Prissidcnt, or Jill Davis. or
Gincral MickLillan. or some of them
bycs and save me loifc If We can't do
1t, jim, I'm gorn oop, and me wife is
a wccpiu WILDLY bound for THE poor
house bcyant. Hip me out, Smator
Pass bill making it Glony ON the
holgh SAFE TO graft an Irish orphan into
this gincral massacrco DO that Jim.
and I'll pray fer We all me loifc, and the
Lord knows you made it, too, and I'll
do all yer blacksmiihin' at half proice. "
MIR. Earnest thought all those things
were impracticablc
Peter said he, "vou seem to- be
elected by IN overwhelming majority.
and III afraid your resignation would
not be accepted. Unless YOU fail TO pass
the medical examination you will have
TO 60, ! guess.
Theu Mir Duffy thought of some
thing
"Sinator, to tell the trooth. I can {
hare very well mesclf Whin | was an
! apprentice n rcd mools knocked the
dayloights out or me and impaired mo
listener.
Mr. Earnest had never noticed this.
but he really didn't want IT, see Duffy
90, and in the kindness of his heart hc
encouraged the idea little lie even
went over 10 see DR.. Hoyt at Camp
Randall, and while they made some
scientific experiments with lemons and
sugar and spirits, he drew the convcr-
sation toward Mr. Duty
The next day Mr. Earnest told Peter
10 come down TO the Park Hotel and
visit him q his room. At the appointed
hour Senator Earnest produced list of
questions and told him he would have
to answer these satifactorily. Pa
ticntly they set 10 work like "a class of
0ih'A'lAi1 " ilb ltANt HtitNllN HNfli0l i
list OF queries prior to the day of exam
nation. Every day after the legislative
session had closed Mr.. Earnest would
repair TO his room in company with
Mr.. Duffy, and they would 20 through
the rchcar-al Finally the time for
Dully's examination came. and Senator
Earnest had TO 60 TO Camp Randall to
assist A question would be- prOpound-
pI In Dniav nfI lao. tU,tt1I 4.
great gravity anil carncstncss To- Mr.
Earnest by him. and ask:
''What do You say, JimP" Then
Jim would baw he question into Duf-
fy's Oft year. The examination went
on first rate, only that Earnest nearly
died trying To- keep straight face
Finally came the last test. which zen.
orally caught the impo.tcr DR. Hoyt
turned with great disgust To- the other
examining surgeons and said.
"Gentlcmcn, we don't want this
bump ON n log. He cau't hear any
thing ! think wc had better leave the
bInnkcty- blank woodcn-hcad at home
whore his family can attend TO him and
see that hc don miss the resurrection.
This wa. said in 70 low tone Of voice
to catch the unwary lrishmon. but
-lowlY nc turned 30 Senator Earnest
aud graycly inquired.
What do ho say, Jim?"
Then Earnest, red in the face with
suppressed emotion, beloved into
DunP- best ear.
''Ihc doctor says you can't
hclr anything flr thinks Won
had better stay here whore youf
family call your attention
tO-fHo resurrection ~ mn Nyr jo
WercurB