The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-08-14
PASSING EVENTS.


the poet ID by the editor regarded as
insanity.
When two girls meet they kiss.
When two men meet they don't. This
shows plainly who wants kissing the
most.
Connecticut widow, aged 104, has
given out that she will not marry
again. Widows never cease to be
artful-
'-Why is it." she asked, ''that stolen
kisses are always sweetest" Il guess
it is because they are taken sirup-
titiously."
A poetess signs: II sit all alone, l sit
by myself, l sit all alone" If she
would stop writing she might have
more company.
A Salem chap, who has been fined
$40 for kissing a girl, SAYS that fond
as he is of flowers he isn't buying any
more tulips at that price.
Cossack cavalry are called "Sons of
the Wind. When this becomes known
we shall probably hear congressman
referred to as Cossack cavalry.
1t makes man who has ia
ken his best girl to the sea-
shore rather incredulous 10 read
that "Money is remarkably slow
this season."
A news item says that "sharks have
appeared off the coast at Long Branch. "
This seems like rather impolite way
of announcing that landlords have
opened their hotels for the season.
There are times in mans life when
the whole sky seems rose colored, and
this old, dull world paradise. One of
these is when he has discovered a quar-
ter in the lining of his last summers
vest.
Hungry-looking Tramp to Timid
DISCRIMINATION long since YOU had
bite? Timid Fisherman-About two
hours. Tramp have not had a bite
in two days. Amt it time for us to
have some lunch?
A farmer near Auburn, N. Y, was
notified of the death of his daughter
and the hour of her burial. He sent
word that he could not possibly attend
the funeral as he was busy hoeing
field of potatoes.
Music boxes, which cost 800 twenty |
years ago, can now be purchased for
b. And yet the cry of "hard times"
s still abroad in the land. Some folks |
would complain of the ''cost of living"
if pianos were selling for 50 apiece.
The paucity of original witticism in
the papers at the present time is at
tributed to the fact that nearly all the
funny men of the country are engaged !
in the manufacture of poems having
for their principal incident the advent
ures of boy and green apple.
"Pa," asked little Johnny, ''do they
always have an inquest when anybody
diesP" Intelligent Parent-Oh, no,
my son! When doctor has been at
tending person there is no need of
an inquest. 1t is only necessary where
there is any doubt as to the cause of
death.
Baron Tennyson has three homes.
This is the difference between the poet
laureate and the American poets who
build verses for patent medicine.
There may be another difference, but
it cannot be detected in the quality of
their respective productions evolved
during the past two or three years.
Mrs. Harris called on Mrs. Jerrel,
whose husband had been dead
several weeks. 81 suppose you
still feel lonesome, Mrs. Jerrel?"
"Oh, yes, indeed. | miss him
very much. He used to get up
every morning and make the fire for
ne. Yes, am very lonesome without /;
him."
Mrs. Brown-What do you think? :
1rs. Godolphin has just returned :
rom Paris with several thousand !
lollars' worth of bric-a- brac that
he could have purchased just as
heap at home. Mr. Brownies, 1
now; she bought it at my store yes 8
erday afternoon. Q
Cluverius, the Richmond murderer,
asses the time reading the bible and
dmiring the bouquets sent him by a
friends outside of the a
ity. He also receives presents of
-uit. His relatives write to him to
heer up, but the advice is needless, +"
5 he wears a broad grin most of tho C
me. He eats heartily and sleeps well.
70 does not believe that he is destined
, die on the gallows. s,
The Los angeles Herald describes a c
,ecimen of the vampire family re- a
emily caught there: This huge u =;
)ecimen measured twenty inches 81 9,
ON tip to tip of his wings, and was Ii
retty well armed with teeth and
avs. His head was as large as the
sads of four or five ordinary bat +,
sads combined, and well hooded s.
it'll two ears fully as large as half ID
)llar. His majesty was as vicious
Id warlike as a scorpion or tarantula di
hen confined, and his bite would
'obably be as dangerous.
He had fallen into the stream, and c.
I'd already sunk once, and was going m
,wn second time, when n brave at
an leaped into the angry waters and t t,'
id hold of the unfortunate one. The q,
tier looked at his rescuer in be- I'M
eching manner and gasped; II beg, wi
y dear sir, that you will permit me wi
sink once more-in the interest of &c
erary tradition, you know. No per- ia
n ever read of was ever rescued III III
It'll he was going down for third In,
II 1. Il Il. Al.