Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-09-03
A CANTANKEROUS PUG.
The Trouble "GOogIes,' Caused and
His AwfaI Expense Account.
Forest and Stream.


Forest and Stream
Pet dogs that have been contamin~
ated by their contact with human
beings, and especially those little lat
ter day saints that have managed to
WIN ribbon or SO for their little lady
owners at q bench snow, put old Buff
fon's analogous conclusions as regards
the dogs mental pliability and eocIl-
ity to flight
o. course there are exceptions. st
least it is fondly to be hoped there are.
but to the average stalwsrt there is no
greater pest on earth than a spoiled.
dyspeptic, cantankerous, inbred pug.
1T makes the veins of my forehead
swell, and my hat suddenly grow too
small for me, " said well known club
man the other day, Ito think of one
little pet brute in particular. He re
sides where am stopping at present
in fact he belongs 10 my wife.
little thought when the dog>hawker,
who has beefsteaks tied to bis LEGS to
allude dogs, stopped me on Broadway
and suggested that should buy the
fawn colored pest. that he had designs
on my peace of mind Otherwise L
should have stranged him. Ia weak
moment went home and told my
wife / had seen such a pretty pug-I
thought the dog pretty then From
that moment ] had no rest; she want
ed him at once. [ tried TO dodge the
issue, but 40 good. Every day l came
up town my wife would throw her
arms around my neck-I have been
married three years and know what
that ls-and whisper: Darling, has
the man sold that pretty pug yet? NoF
Then Charlie, dear, won't YOU buy
him for me? The Griggses have pug,
and 1t makes me sick to think
haven't got one, too [ bought that
pug, and we nave had feas ever since.
For two weeks my wife kept me
awake at night asking me how I
liked this name and that name for her
pet. She went though every book in
the library IN search of an inspiration.
It was no use. Then she leased me
for names. [ suggested 'Kapitanos
| Antitratikas,' and she laughed at me.
[ mentioned 'Stuffeymeguzzen,' and
she got mad. L then retired froru the
christening racket, and she settled on
| GOGGLES. There were other GOGGLES
in the dog world, SO our pug is now
known as Lanjan's GOGGLES, and
greatness has thus been thrust upon
me. Such is fame
my wife came home one day aud
| said that there was To be dog show,
and that she had entered GOGGLES,
and that she wanted me to tx up
pedigree right straight off. I did it.
[ copied most of it out of "Burke's
Peerage," adopting only the Christian
names. 1t took better than any pedi-
gree ever heard of, and GOGGLES won
the prize. But my wife made enemies
of seventeen of her most intimate
lady friends, all of whom have been
trying to buy or steal GOGGLES ever
since.
Now that GOGGLES has become a
winner he has put on more frills than
dozen virgin queens. He smashes
things, chews things, bites things,
destroys things, and steals things. He
gets sick, and the family physician bag
| to be called in. He has the canker,
and when be gets well OF it he starts
in Cd the mango. He gets better and
has to ride in the park. He RECEIVERS
and gobbles everything hesees. Just
run your eye over this paper" con-
cluded Mr.. Lanjan, and see what
GOGGLES has cost during the montn: