Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1885-04-30
Renr ANp rRrRE.

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that.
Cornerstone for conundrum-One is
Afghan worsted and the other is worsted
Afghan.-N y. Journal.
"And so you like the yarns we sea dogs
spin ?" asked the gallant young mariner.
~ dote on them |" said the yourg lady
passionately. And what shall tell you
of the doings of us salts?" he tenderly
asked "0h, tell me how you, lutf, !" she
innocently answered.
well" remarked the divorce lawyer,
what alimony do you want2" ~ think
$500, 900 cash and an income of $50, 600
year besides lawyers fees would only be
fair, +" replied the Indy. Fair madam ?"
answered the lawyer in surprise. what
business is Your husband in 2" ''He
owns a skating rink. Graphic.
At the police court; Accused, you are
blind ?" Yes, your honor" How
did you become blind ?" By fit of
apoplexy." "Why, then, this picture on
your breast representing an explosion in
mine, in which you lost your sight ?"
{" Please, your honor, because to repre-
sent apoplexy painting is powerless. y
lie Francois. ...
Not contagious-"S akes live, Missus
Bumby, why didn't yo' tole me Willee he'd
de humps !? Now I've done sposed de |
baby to um, an he'll hab 'em, shunh /"
II tink dais no danjah from UNI, Missus |
Ketchum, knse Willee's got UNI on one |
side only, an luther side hain't looked |
um tall, an dey've been long togedder |
aller time. "-Harper's BaSdr.
II was one of the genus tramp. He
| knocked at the door of house, and when
| kindly looking woman opened IL he
said: MADAM, l am very hungry. l
have had nothing for a week back"
"Why, you poor soul" said the good
/ woman, "wait moment and I'll find
something for you" And she gave him
an old porous plaster, and closed the door
before he had finished thanking her.
Detroit Free Press.
She Should Wait.-'I tell you once for
all not to bother me any more. will
never consent to be your wife" exclaimed
Miss Esmeralda Longooifin to Kosciusko
Murphy, an Austin dude. "Hold up now,
and wait till get my new dove-colored
pants from the tailor. guess you will
sorter change your mind then. Great
Scott | how beautiful those pants fit, and
how they match my complexion" ex-
claimed Murphy.-7eras SJtings.
This ancient but perfect specimen of
"bull" has recently been led out: "As
was goin' over the bridge" snid mn
tive of Erin, II met Pat Hewins.
.Hewins, says l, how are you 2
Pretty we'll, thank you Donnelly,'
: says he. 'Donnellyn snys l.,
that's not my nnine.' Faith,
then, no more is mine Hewins.' So with
that we looked ut nich other again, an
5 sure enough it WINS nayther of u.s."
"You are doing nicely" said the doctor
: encourugingly to IN old colorcd patient.
II will call again To morrow, and will
, leave you this prescription now to save
i you from pnin in the interim" Then he
|, went out "Da's or 'scriptiun dat the
ductLlI lct ," said the pntirnt feebly to
= his wife, ian vans yo' ter go ter dc
. drug sto' an get it filled. Tell dc drug
sto' man dat it's for my interim, mn be
!, sho' nm ilx him If lsG To take it eternully
=. or Jest rub it on de outside, I'M es so,
whl'. "--Nao York Times.
e Dry goods merchant: So, sir, you think
IL you could learn to become IL salesman Y
Il lies sir" "MclI suppose you were
! waiting On that man and his wife over III
~ the lace counter. " hat would You dc
c first - II should hold up the best piec,
70 OF hce in the stock and ilsk the man ii h,
If didn't think it was becoming to his
% daughters style of beauty" "Mell, wlm
n then :" "Oh nothing. The woman woul,
10 take care of the rest of it," Young maI
N don't want you for clerk. | want you
Is for partner"
1t During the wal, when Col, Bob Crockett
is was stationed at Camden, he had small
IN sign, Colonel Crockett's Headquarters,
Ia posted above his door. One night
er number of boys, having taken down til,
sign, went out TO tanners hen-house ant
10 after taking every chicken they coult
he find, left the sign. The next morning NJ
er old fellow entered Crockett's quarter
he and asked; 'Is this Colonel Crockett =
Or "Yes sir" lis this here your visitin
lie keyard ~ taking the sign from under hi
IL coat. Where did you get that /?
ty Found it this mornin' in my hen house.
n "What were your chickens worth |?
40 Fifteen dollars in gold" "Well, oil,
fellow, You break me, but here's you
money. Don't say anything about it..
Crockett afterward learned that Group,
old rooster and sick hen we're the onl
,r fowls that We're taken by the boys
a. ArkanSaD Traveller.
A preacher in southern Missouri, afte
nv sending his hat around among the breth
us rem, and vainly asking them to contribute
Nv clasped his hands, raised his eyes an
rs said " Lord, this is the toughest crow
IT. have ever found. have preached i
the Black Jack neighborhood, and hay
ed ridden the Red Range circuit, but thi
by congregation occupies n place littl
&C. further removed from the giving spou
nv than any people l ever saw. Amen.
ok Then, turning to the sexton, he sale
,e- i've got two gallons of whisky store
, n away not far from here. AS l don't us
ut liquor myself l nm going to give it
en- some worthy man. Carry the hat uroun
le. once more" The hat came back full ,
NO silver. The preacher went into the wood
as to look for the whisky. Up to fe
hours ago he had not returned + DFuke
ty 7raOelters' Magazine.
mt "Talk about dynamite, cnn tell you
h." true story of what nitro-glycerine ono
1t. did in our state. 1t was outnear Prairie d
nd Chen, where they We're blasting On I'll
ms Chicago, Milwaukee Il st. Paul railront
II The contractor had several kegs of III
ret stuff in IN underground place. One dn
~ ii workman left the place open by mn
IN, by some hogs came along found II Ike
en- open, and, NJ glycerne is ns sweet alinoi
Int came out by nnd by md soon wandere
.er into IL stable which contained about 4
no horses belonging to the contractor. III
10 hog got fooling around among the horse
en- hind legs, when one of them drew oil an
nd gave Mr.. Hog good one. The col
er cussiOn started the business, nnd not
vestigc WINS ever discovered of the hog, ,
RS a single huiSr or the stable. And whei
ell the stable once stood there WINS IL hole i
us the earth 81 feet deep ind more than 81
'es feet in circumference. Fact, gentlemen
-MH!i1n Wis., DemOcrdt.
ny Last week the tired editor, after labo
~ ing hard in the vineyard, concluded TIN
y, that he would go out among the brethren
'ot While down i'll the Dry Fork ncighbol
Is hood we preached Mt Ebenezer and lccon
re panied Brother Sam Hayfoot home I
u lnner. There We're several of the brethre
:" present, and among them we were please
Ne to notice old Brother Shopwell. He
ny rm old servant of the Lord ind hld til
10 small pox kept out of the way we thin
that his countenance would have escape
1r, II great wrong Sister Hnyfoot, kin
OF reader, knows how to get up goo
~ dinner. She has our idcn of cooking cnl
ny bage, for, like us, she thinks that the
ew should be boiled until Ill their brittlenes
ol melts into the everlasting pot After havin
''s served the inner man we again assemble
nB in the sitting room, where Sister Stovea
favored US with hymn and rs cents, fo
er which she wanted six months subscriI
Or tiOn One dollar Nynuld baua atruok n