davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

'There is no such word as fail" AS
signment sounds much better.
Is marriage declining? asks an ex-
change. No; it is generally accepting.
1t is said that divorces are multiplying.
1t cannot be true, however, as divorce
from its very nature must be dividing.
A man has stall in a Cincinnati market
who has lost both his legs in the army
What splendid cashier he would make.
A scientific Journal tells how to pre-
vent hiccough. Another good way is to
refrain from going out between the acts.
Billy Muggins, who is single man, is
generally considered honest, but says
there are times when his fingers have
itched to hook dress. Well, Billy.
"All alone, my dear child? I'm afraid
that husband of yours neglects you. He's
always at the club when I CALL eyes,
mamma; but he's at home at other times. ;"
"Have you any kids?" inquired young
lady Of the new clerk in glove store.
"Not yet," said the clerk with blush !;
81 bavn't been married but three weeks
A damsel applied for place behind
counter. ''What clerical experience have
your" asked the man Of dry goods.
every little," she said with blush, "for
only joined the church last week"
An Irishman, recommending a COW,
said she would give good milk year af-
ter year without having calves, because
it ran in the breed, as she came from a
| cow that never had calf.
A young lady being taken to task for
| tight lacing, said she resorted to the
| practice on purely economical grounds.
elbow is that?" asked the reprover. 81
lace tight simply to prevent waistful-
ness.'
| s'Oh," said sufferer to a dentist, s'that
is the second wrong tooth you have pull.
| ed out!" every sorry, sir,'' said the
laundering operator, ''but as there were
only three when l began, I'm sure to be
right next time"
A minister, while marrying a couple re
Gently, was rather disconnected, on ask
ing the bridegroom if he was willing tt
take the young lady for his welded wife
by his scratching his head, and saying
"Yes, I'm willing; but I'd much rather
have her sister,"
go, heavens, save my wife!" shouted
a man whose wife had fallen overheard
in the Hudson river recently. He sue
ceeded in rescuing her, saying, s'My dear
if you had been drowned what should
have done? 1 amt going to let you car
ry the pocketbook again.
Puck says ssthey have a machine nov
which puts the artificial bloom on tn,
cheeks of forty girls at once" 1t is th
ty-who need an artificial bloom on th
cheek. And a contrivance to put OF
their artificial hair would save 'em 10
of time and trouble.
An old gentleman ofeighty-four havin
taken to the altar damsel of sixteen
the clergyman said to him: 'sYou vii
find the font at the opposite end Of tn
church" ''What do | want with the font?
asked the old gentleman. II beg you
pardon" said the clerical wit, 81 though
you brought the child to be christened.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

A VERY UNFORTUNATE MANA
venerable tramp entered an Austin
business house and said to the pro-
prietor:
81 am the most unfortunate man
in the world. Please do something
for me-"
81 don't know who you are," re-
piled the merchant. "You may be
an imposter.
''Here is certificate from Parson
Jordan of Galveston, that | am a
hard working. honest man, who has
been unfortunate"
GA certificate from Parson Jordan
| of Galveston % repeated the mer-
| chant.
eyes, sir; here it is,' repeated
the mendicant, handing the merchant
a paper.
The merchant looked at the paper
and said:
ssParson Jordan of Galveston is
my brother. / know his signature
very we'll, and his name on that cer-
tifcate is forged"
"Just as I expected whined the
medicant. 81 told you l was the
most unfortunate man in the world.
Think of me coming to the brother
of Parson Jordan, of all the people
in n'town, and showing him that certifi-
cate. Probably not another man in
Austin knows his signature. "-Ter-
as Siittings.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
CONSUMPTION CURED,

An old physician, retired from practice, having
had placed in his hands by an East India mission
AIRY the formula of simple vegetable remedy
for the speedy and permanent cure of Consumption
bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma and all throat and Lung
Affections also positive and radical cure for Ner
vous Debility and all Nervous Complaints, after
having tested its wonderful curative powers in thou
sands of cases has felt it his duty make it known
to his suffering fellows. Actuated BIZ this motive
and "A de sire to relieve human suffering will send
free of charge. all who desire it, this recipe, in
German French English, with full directions for
preparing and using. Sent by mail by addressing
with stamp naming this paper. W. A. MOVES, 149
powers Block, Rochester, n. J. nov24eow1y
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
Going to Church.


Some go to church just for a walk;
Some go to stare and laugh and talk;
Some go there to meet friend,
Some their idle time to spend;
Some for general observation;
Some for private speculation;
Some to seek or find lover;
Some a courtship to discover;
Some go there to use their eyes
And newest fashions criticise:
Some to show their own smart dress;
Some their neighbors to assess;
Some to scan robe or bonnet,
Some to price the trimmings on it;
Some to learn the latest news,
That friends at home they may amuse; ;
Some to gossip, false and true,
Safe hid within the sheltering pew;
Some go there to please the squire,
Some his daughters to admire;
Some the parson go to fawn,
Some to lounge and some to yawn;
Some to claim the parish doles;
Some for bread and some for Goals;
Some to vaunt their pious zeal;
Some to show how sweet they sing,
Some how loud their voices ring;
Some the preacher go to hear,
His style of voice to praise or jeer;
Some forgiveness to implore,
Some their sins to varnisho'er;
Some to sit and doze and nod,
But very few TO worship God
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria.
When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria,
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
Death and I.

looked upon my brother Death:
There was no room for weeping,
So beautiful and calm he smiled,
So holy in his sleeping.
I had no words to speak his name,
Fast wrapt in that strange wonder;
1 did not touch the form, whose chill
Revealed the spirits sunder.
And yet the same blue sky arched DER
The lark's delicious singing;
Through one broad track of quivering gold,
traced its upward winging.
From out the calm, one swift, keen thought,
My timid awe surprising
The soul that loved me loves me still,
In all its heavenly rising.
Yes, loves me still and holds me close,
VIII hold me thus forever:
The deep, sweet yearning of that love
Not heaven itself could sever.
1 looked upon my brother DEATH
The comforter and healer:
The tides of sorrow flowed apart,
And Death was Loves revealer.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

Most men judge newspaper or
magazine by the way it suits them
but an editor would soon have moth
ing to do if he made his paper to
suit himself.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. AND PR

WANTED AND PROFIT
w ABLE POSITIONS-By an old and prominent
Life Company, a few energetic and responsible men
who will devote their entire time to the business, to
act as General gents. To such men rare induce
ments will be offered, combining guaratee. All
policies non -foreitng and contestable by their
own conditions after three payments. Endowment
policies at life rates, new and popular plans En-
perence necessary but experienced and success
ful men who desire change will find it greatly to
their interest TO correspond with us before making
any arrangements. Address, Drawer 653, Albany,
New York. 3S-4
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
An Old Letter.

Only letter,
Yellow and dim with age;
Wistfully gazing,
L hold the torn old page.
Only a token
From one who loved me well:
The faded writing
Scarce the fond words tell.
Only letter,
Yet dearer far to me
Than all else beside,
Winding me, love, of thee.
Only letter,
Yellow and old and torn:
On my heart it lies,
Now / am old and worn.
Only message,
Tender and true and sweet,
The writer long dead,-
Never again we meet.
Only letter,
Hid in an eaken chest:
Close, close to my heart,
When lam laid at rest.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

Our state legislatures should enlist
the services of higher class of men.
These bodies have noticeably degen-
Grated in the last quarter of a centu-
ry
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

Have you Heart Disease? if so do not delay; DR.
Graves Heart Regulator is specific of thirty years
use, and we guarantee relief. Free pamphlet OF
F. f. ingalls,, Cambridge, Mass. $1.Oo per bottle
at druggists.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
i WISHED WAS DEAD!

After suffering several years with the Leacorrhea,
and no doubt would have been, only lady induc
ed me to try Sulphur Bitters. Now am WE'LL
Three bottles cured me.-Mrs. .Copps, Newport, RI.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

DERMANENT AND PROFITABLE PO-
L SITIONS.-By an old and prominent Life Com
pany, a few energetic and responsible men who will
devote their entire time to the business, to act as
General Agents To such men rare inducements will
be offered combining guarantee. All policies non
forfeiting and noncontestible by their own condi-
tions after three payments. Endowment policies at
life rates, and popular plans. Experience not
necessary, but experienced and successful men who
desire to change will find it greatly to their interest
to correspond with US before making any arrange
ments. Address Drawer 653, Albany, n. Y. G14-17
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

"Hilloo, Mac, old fellow come in,
come in; you're just in time,' he
said.
''By the powers exclaimed Mac,
'ye're not dead, Mister Goodhew !'
mo, old fellow" replied Good
hew, with laugh. ''but if your
pistol had carried bullet, should
have been"
"But the blood on your forehead
l saw it !' cried Mac "And Mrs.
Fuller-she's wild ye, l see ''
''No, no, Mac; wrong this time,''
returned Goodhew, smiling. "There
was no blood on my forehead; and
it isn't Mrs. Fuller that's beside me-"
"Whisht, man! I'm not dreaming
now; know what I'm talking
about" exclaimed Mac. "D'ye
name that there was no blood on
your forehead after hit ye, and dye
name that it isn't Mrs. Fuller along
side of ye at ALL"
sYes, old fellow said Goodhew,
rising and stretching out his hand to
the bewildered Irishman. s'The
mark on my forehead was only lit
tic red paint carried in the palm of
my hand, and ready to be slapped on
the moment you discharged your
deadly weapon; and the lady
"Yes, yes, the lady?" interposed
Mac
1.-THE lady was made Mrs. Good
hew about o couple of hours back"
replied the Englishman. 'sGive us
your hand, and drink our healths."
Mac did both, and ever after re-
mained a firm friend of Goodhew's,
although always little touchy On the
subject of ghosts. Moon.
WINTERING IN THE ARCTICS.
In the fall, just before it gets so
cold that the ice forms, says Lieut..
Schwatka, in the September st. NSch-
olds, the ships huddle together, and
each puts down two anchors, one at
the bow and one at the stern, and
these hold them from striking the
shore or one another until the ice
forms around them and freezes them
in solidly. Then the anchors and
rudders are taken up, and, with lum-
! ber which they have brought from
home, the whalers build substan-
tial house over the ship. They then
get the Eskimo to build sort of
snow house over the wooden house
and so, with all this covering to pro-
tect them, they manage to keep
warm and comfortable with very lit
tie fire however cold it may out of
doors. Sometimes they put in doub-
lie windows, the inside ones of glass
as usual, and the outside ones being
made of slabs of ice, like the curious
windows of the igl0s. The white
men do not live in these temporary
houses built on the tops of ships, but
in the cabin and forecastle, just as
if they were cruising out to sea. The
house is simply put over the ship to
keep the real places warm, and right
well it does its work. This shouse'
however, is very useful as place for
taking exercise, for ship carpenter
work, and for any small jobs that
may be necessary. The Eskimo
also congregate there, especially
about meal time; when generous
whalels treat them with sea bread
and weak tea sweetened with molas-
ses.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
You Can

Save time by calling on us for CLOTH
ING, you will
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12

p. SHIELDS.
CARPENTER AND JOINER, BARTON, VT
Z Satisfaction guaranteed in every respect. IA
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.

NHARLES GRAVES, Agent for Connecticut
OGeneral Life Insurance Co., Barton, VT.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-10-12
Find Everything

In shape of Garment, Style, and Pat
tern of cloth, and sizes to fit all shapes
and forms from the old gentlemen's frock
suit to the ''first pants" All goods
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25
Gbe St. gpbas 8eralN.
TROUBLE IN APACHE.

Apache county is experiencing considerable trouble from her county court system. Citizens of that county complain that stock thieves have been industriously plying their vocation to the detri- ment of stock growers and that they have been aided and abetted Tn their nefarious work by one or more prominent citizens of that county. Several arrests have been made and the parties have been bound over to appear before the county court. Judge Rudd, a good natured, honest citizen, who like necessity, "knows no law" Occu- pies the position of County Judge, and has made himself obnoxious to 6 certain element, who have given him twenty-four hours to leave the county. This the Judge, however, has refused to do, and it is said that his court presents the appearance of an arsenal, men bringing their Winchesters and re- volvers into court with them. What the ultimate outcome will be re- mains to be seen, but just at pres ent, the situation as seen by one who recently came from there, is by no means assuring, and the proba- billty is that it will result in blood shed as a very bitter feeling exists. Prescott Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25
DEFIANT SAINTS.

RuInor has it that Brother David Johns, one of the big mormon guns of Utah county Stake of Zion, declares that he will shoot the first deputy marshal who undertakes to to arrest him for polygamy. He would be a good subject for the officers to start in on. Other buffers have made such threats, but little men, clothed with the authority of the law, have run them in without bloodshed.
 The spirit of defiance in Provo is said to have its origin in Bishop Shoot, who tells the brethern that now Is the time for the towards to run, but as for himself there is no retreat, no lodging nor hiding.
 This is rough on the prophets and smaller towards, such as J. C. Graham, the proprietor of brother Shoots organ, and if he is not careful he will be "churched" for speaking against the priesthood.- Salt Lake Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25

Probably for the first time in the history of the penitentiary, a prison CT was brought here this week, was assigned room at the s. P. hotel, went to bed, got up in the morning took his breakfast and then pa tiently waited until his keeper went through the same programme. About nine o'clock they both start cd out and the prisoner formally took up his residence at the Hotel d'Ingalls. The prisoner was a Mormon, who doubtless longed for the title of martyr so cheaply pur- chased with a few days confne- ment, and hence would make no attempt at escape.-Yuma Repub- lican.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25

Some stock raisers are in the habit of branding calves that be- long to their friends, particularly if the friends are not about, at least we infer so from q conversation that took place in an Austin saloon. Said No. |:
 Il heard old Roundemup, on Spring Branch, will brand in the neighborhood of 2000 calves this year."
 ''1 don't know how many he'll brand, he'll brand pretty much all there are in the neighborhood, if he ain't watched. ."-Texas Siftings.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25

An Indiana farmer, who had brought to New York city five Jer- sey COWS, made an innovation up- on the usual practice at auction sales by calling for a pail, and de- claring aloud before the assembled purchasers his intention of milk ing the animals, to show of what grade they were. As the bids kept coming he kept milking, and soon got from one of the COWS two pail fuls. The novelty did not please the owners whose stock was to be offered, but in the estimation of experts it caused the farmer to ob- tain at least a hundred dollars more for each COW than he other wise would. The average price being four hundred dollars a head. -Ex.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25

Via Laguna, to the Indian Village of icoma, 16 m. Via Wingate to Ft. Wingate, m.to Zuni, 45 mirs Via Manuelito, to Ft: Defiance, (Navajo Agencylas miles; to Canon de Chelle, 6s miles to Keams Ca non, 90 miles. Via Holbrook, Tri-weekly Stages, to St. Johns s5 miles; to Ft, Apache, go miles; to Springervile, e5 miles: to ShowLow, so miles; Taylorville, s miles; Moqui Indian Village go m. Via Winslow, to Brigham City and Sunset. Via Ash Fork, Daily Stages to Prescott and Whippie Barracks, s4 miles. Daily Stages from Prescott to PhGnix, and Tri-weekly Stages to Ft. Verde.
 Via Peach Springs, to the GRAND CANON OF THE CoLORVDo, r miles.
 Via Kingman Daily Stages to Stockton Hill, 10 miles; to Mineral Park. I6 miles.
 Via Yucca, to Signal, 70 miles.
 Via Needles, Steamer to Yuma, Colorado River Agency, Ft. Mohave, Mohave City and Hardy vile, Arizona, and Eldorado Canon, Nevada.
 w. C. DENNlSON, E. ". SMITH, GenT Passenger Agent.
 GenI Superintendent.
 w. C. Nixon, Agent, Albuquerque, N. M.
The St. Johns herald., 1885-06-25
$lo0 REW AR1e

The undersigned will pay the above reward to any person or persons who will denOunce and prosecute to a conviction, any party or parties (eXcept our own emplOyes), for driving, killing or otherwise handling our stock. Our cattle are branded on the left hip as shown above with split in left ear; our horses have the same brand On left shoulder.
 HUNING G COOLEY,
 Show Low, Arizona.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21

During the administration of Pierce
there was an anniversary of the Anti
Slavery Society at the Broadway TAher-
nacle, and William Lloyd Garrison pre-
sided. The late Capt. Rynders at
tended, and when Garrison made an
attack on Zachary Taylor, the Captain
jumped on the stage and, Selling Carr
son by The collar, said:
"If YOU say that again I shall throw
you off the platform
He then asked if free spec ch was al
lowed, and Garrison said it was. Capt.
Rvnders turned toward the audience,
which was half white and half black,
and made a short speech, in which he
set up the theory that the negro was de-
scended from the monkey, and only
partially developed as a man. Frederick
Douglass, who was o ~fne-looking young
man, and a head taller than Rynders,
stood up beside him and said he would
leave it to the audience which was the
ape and which the man. Capt. Rynders
replied that Douglass wa half white.
ooh, then, I am only your hall
brother" retorted Douglass.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21
Newspapers In the United States.

According to n. ". Aver s. Sons
"Newspaper Annual" there were, in
tie United States and Canada in 1884
- 343 papers o. different issues, as against
l26O5 IN 1888. The United States had
crease of TAT. Canada had $50, COM
pared with $50 last year, a decrease OF
8. The United States had ], 1877 dailies.
against ], 119 last year. Canada had II
dailies, against 70 last year, and 44O
weeklies against 443 last year. New
York State had 40 daiies, one more
than in 1888. The other middle States
had 1T dailies, or Is more than last
year. The Southern States had TAT
dailies, an Increase of 3 since 1888. The
Western States had 555 dailies, an IN
crease of A, and the Territories had 70.
an increase Of 4 during the year. Papers
we're published in IS Of the 81 COUNTIES
OF the New England States, in every one
of the 80 counties of New York State.
and in every one Of the ia counties OF
the other Middle States.
In the Southern States papers
were published in 800 Of the /, Ill coun-
ties, showing a gain over last year of %
cOuntleS ID WHICH papers we're PuD-
lished. In the Western States papers
were published in 981 OF the 1929 coun-
ties, showing an extension into Z coun-
ties during the past year. The Terrific
ries represent 246 counties. in 146 OF
which papers were published. OF the
2,687 counties in the United States and
Territories, there are 1857 in which
papers were published, and $50 In
which no papers were issued, while one
year ago there were 416 counties in
which no papers were published.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21

POISONED 81 WALL PAPFR-Tvo OF
the rooms OF the Vienna Ncue Freis
Posse (the wr.ting-1oon and the sleep
ing chamoer) occupied by the Crown
Princess OF Sweden, in the palace a
Stockholm, had to be recently newly
oanered. The Princess health has
cen for some tine in a very precarious
tate, and 1t was found on close exami-
atom that shls..Vas due TO the arsenic
unnamed u the former wall paper
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21
JOyfully AStOni>hpd.

Mr.. James Brunt, De. uty Sheriff.
Baltimore, Maryland, writes In an ex-
peFlence of thirty years | have become
acquainted with numerous so-ca!led
specifies for coughs and colds. ut never
before experienced such surprising eff
cacy as was obtained from the Red Star
Cough Cure. | was attacked with a
severe deep-seated cold and cough. |
suffered for some time, and tried this
valuable remedy. | was completely
cured by the use of one bottle.
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21

HOTEL FARE-A correspondent st
New Orleans writes that at one OF tie
hotels a rear room, four flights up, i IL
voiced at $3.50 per day, a l.fe-nreseryirg
breakfast Tor $50, a dinner OF moderate
proportions 500. And yet it was an
nounced that the hotels would not ad
vance their rates
Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1885-03-21
A T who had engaged tho GOV

A FARNER who had engaged the SER
wees OF a son of the Emerald Isle sent
him cat one morning 20 harrow a piece
OF ground. He had not worked long
before nearly all the teeth came out Of
t4e harrow. Presently the farmer went
ont INFO the fed to take notes of the
mans Progress, and asked him how he
liked the work. "Oh !" he replied. ut
gors q bit smoother since the pegs have
come out -