Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-12-23
NEWSPAPER WIT.

= 'tio P1OOI says: line name
OF Karageorgevics is on every linz
Inc Servlans must have a good deal
OF up to sustain such aweight as that.
Boston Transcript. 1000
The negro problem just now is how
to lit one hundred and fftv-dollar
mortgage from his mule with a fortv-
dollar bale of cotton and have anv
Mule left.-Macon (Ga.) Telegraph.
AN exchange publishes an article on
kissing from a Medical Standpoint
Well, why shouldn't they If they want
to? A doctor probably appreciates a.
KISS as highly as any one.-St. Paul
Herald.
AN exchange says that if clothes are
brushed up, that is, the wrong way,
they will not get shiny. We have tried
this rule on silk hat, and can testi-
fy that it works like a charm.-PhHa-
delphia Call.
In regard to modern languages, it is
said that the Chinese is the most diff
cult. We find this out when we try to
explain to our Chinese laundrymen
that pair of our socks is missing
Texas Siftings.
BABA GOPAL VIVA YAK JosHEE, a.
Brahmin Theosophist, is in Washing
ton. Upon his arrival in that CITY his
name was mistaken for crazy quilt
supposed to have escaped from tie
New York exhibition. -Norristown
Herald.
A ST. LOUIS tailorrecently left note
beside his dead body saying that he
had committed suicide Owing to the
extreme unreliability of tallors it is
believed by the police that he was
either murdered or is still alive.-New
York Graphic.
SHE walked up to the counter in the
book store and asked, "Have you The
Execution Of the Crane?'" hecouldn't
bring her mind to utter the vulgar
word hanging" It is unnecessary to
say that the salesman fell in a dead
faint.-Boston Transcript.
SHE-Oh, George, George, | have not
seen you since dinner! Where have
you been? Heal RI, wifey-sho
shorry-wen' off unexpectedly-hic-
like gun. She Why didn't you tell
me you were going off, dear? He
-Couldn' t-hic-didn't know [ wash
loaded.--Lite.
THAT was cautious old tramp who,
upon being asked whether he would
have a drink Of whisky, as he was be-
ginning a JOB of saving wood, or would
have it when he finished it, answered:
"Well, mum, think I'll take it now.
There has been pile of sudden deaths
lately. Fall River Advance.
SHOWING off: Two women were re-
Gently seen pricing gingham in a shop.
One remarked to the other on the la
bel to the goods: "See the American
eagle and the motto E pluribus unum
that's the French for in time of
peace prepare for war !'--BOstOn Id
vertiser.
A TEACHER took an apple from one
of the boys during school hours. After
while the teacher ate up the apple
while the pupils were busy with their
sums. The lad, noticing this, began
to cough. "What is the matter with
you?" inquired the dominic. ooh,
please, sir, the apple has gone down
the wrong way Standardization.
A DIsCoURAGING corn crop.-Man in
a carriage Ito farmer in a ield)-
'"That corn doesn't look as though
you'd get more'n half crop" Farm
er in the field 70 man in carriage.)
Don't expect to; I'm working it on
shares" Il mean you won't get
much to the acre." sDon't expect to;
only got half an acre" -Harper's Bal
Ear.
ONE of the Thanksgiving preachers,
referring to the distinguished dead of
the year, spoke of the prominent edi-
tors who have passed from the sane
tum below to the sanctum sanctorum
above" Shades of Ben franklin
And we have been looking forward to
heaven as a place where the weary
might find perfect rest.-Bufalo Ex-
press.
ScENE-A sub-editor's room. Sub
editor has evidently been dining.
Small boy from irate proprietary
-s'Mr. MacFinnegan wants to see you
Immediately, SIR" Sub. Tell'm I'm
out" Small boy-'I told him that,
sir, and he said was to go and find
you" Sub latter hazy deliberation)
-"Well, then go and find me. LON
don Graphic.
"REMEMBER, Mr.. Crimsonbeak, that
there are older ones than you at the
table," said Mrs. Shavepenny, in re-
ply to a remark the gentleman at the
head of the table had made. II am
painfully well aware of that fact,
ma am" was Crimsonbeak' only re-
ply, as he shut his teeth, and made
another attempt to saw the bird
Yonkers tatesman.
THE murderers have discovered some
astonishing vulnerable parts of the
human anatomy of late. From g.
paper this morning we learn that a
Georgia colonel was shot in the ticket
ofice;" the other day a man was
fatally shot through his door," and
not long ago another received fatal
wound ssin his window. New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Two old friends met on the train be-
tween Dallas and Fort Worth. After
the usual greeting one of them asked;
sIsn't Sweedlepipes living in Dallas ?'