The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-11-19
WIT AND HUMoR.

principal difference between them is
that the Puritan takes to water and
Sullivan doesn't. t.-Norristown Herald.
Another Communistic newspaper in
New York has failed. The difference
between a Communist flag and Com
munist newspaper is, that one is red
and the other ISM read.
One of the curiosities at the White
Sulphur Springs is poet who wears
buttons on his vest which cost $16
each. He's not real poet; real poets
don't know what vests are.-R0chester
Post Express.
The entire business portion of
Western town was reported as destroy
ed by fire; and when charity associa-
tion made inquiry. to render some as
sistance, it was discovered that q soli-
tary saloon had been swept away.
Little boy, beware! The good. kind
lady who gives you gingerbread to-day,
when you come over to play with her
little boys and girls. may be your
mother-in-law some day in the rosy
future Cincinnati Merchant Traveller.
The betrothed bride of Spring gfield
man objects to marrying him while in
mourning for the death of relative,
and he has waited thirty-five years for
an interval in her grief. SO close to-
gether have been the bereavements.-
A. y. San.
Sons of great men all remind us
that, to make their lives sublime and
apprcciative to find US, they must man
age. every time. to fulfill hard condi-
ton; for no fortune is SO sad, in
youth of high ambition, as to own
famous dad.
We do not notice in Canadian papers
the names of any late lamented Amer
lean bank cashiers and other dear alb
E. sent ones as being down with small
pox. It takes Iiveiier disease than
smallpox to catch a skipping defaulter.
Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
DIR. Loring advises the people of the
different States to preserve their for
ests. Now, while there can be no
doubt that preserved forest is good,
the modern cook-books give no formu-
la for the way in which it should be
preserved. Mr.. Loring should tell
them how to do it-Chicago Tribune.
Sam Jones claims the credit of con-
verting Sam Small. who will now sub
stitute solemn preaching for his anus
ing ''Oid 81" sketches, and who, has
begun by telling q congregation that
he was suddenly converted at 4 o'clock
in the afternoon while emerging from
q protracted spree. Mr.. Small will
hereafter be known IS 'sOld Saul.
A poor crofter who had scant past
ure for his pet COW one day tethered
her ON the summit of barren hillock
on his bit of land, where sand and
stones were far more plentiful than
vegetation, and. looking around him.
exclaimed: SWELL. Rosie. If you
haven't muckle to eat. you have at any
rate y splendid view. w."-Scotch faper.
Says Georgia newspaper: We note
with regret the death Of J. N. Bryan OF
Neville. Mr.. Bryan was . hamless
gentleman of many peculiarities He
has for many years worn his hair as
long as any ladys and done it up in an
old-fashioned net. He was also a SOM
nambulist-would walk miles all
through dense swamp while asleep.
Mamie-.How can Lucille marry
that old fossil, ClosetstsP What if he
is so rich!'
Sadie-'Did you know that he has
heart-disease so badly that the slight
est shock is liable to prove fatalp''
Mamie-''Ah, that's It
Sadie-"Yes, and Lucille thinks she
will be able to shock him. THE
Rambler.
The story goes that roomful OF
factory girls in the rubber-works at
East Cam bridge. Mass, were yester-
day affected by the fumes of naptha
used in the composition of u cement
and fell TO shrieking, dancing and
laughter. 1t might not be q bsd idea
to burn naptha at the footlights to put
q little life into some of the comic
opera choruses. Washington Star.
A boy in a California school re-
marked that the teacher had red hair.
He was whipped to make him retract,
but he insisted that he could not tell 8
lie, and he had the utmost confidence
in his judgment of color Tiie woman
declared that she would beat him to
death unless he changed the word
from red to auburn, and he abused his
conscience to that extent, but after
ward took the case to the trustees.
who sustained him and dismissed the
bright-headed punisher.AM =: Suh.
There is not little quiet laughing
at the expense of the store-keeper in
CSthCl0 WI gave u UIdS6-Uduu cOu-
cert in front of his premises, an even.
some of his neighboriug shop-keepers
had their show windows lighted up,
Indignantly demanded that they should
turn out their lights, as he didn't want
people to suppose they were paying
any of the cost of the music. Spring.
field (Mass.) Republican.
Young mani am willing to lend
you 800, Gus. but you mustn't say any
thing to anybody about it. II 1t should
become known that l had lent you
money I would be importuned to
death.
Gus (pocketing the money! Thanks!
pledge you my word that will never
speak of it to soul.
Young man-All right. About when
will you return me the money, GusP
Gus-'Sh! NUNS the word, old
boy.-M T. San.
'.It's terrible thing to owe money, -
said Smith. ITO be compelled to
dodge around this corner and to avoid
meeting q creditor ON the street It
takes the manhood out of one, and he
soon loses all self-respect. / am glad
to say that / NO longer owe o dollar. +"
''I'hen those old debts that have
bothered You so long are all squared
mp. are theyP"
''Yes, thank Heaveni The last one
became outlawed yesterday. IN r
Sun.
Clerk Ito proprietor)-"Wh 10 the
selling price Of that new lot Of black
silk opened this morningf Mrs. 8
wants to know"
Proprietor-"Mrs. S. is . nuisance.
She always complains about the price
of goods and yet never buys. Tell her
a dollar and half yard. 1t cost two
dollars"
Clerk Ito Mrs. So zone dollar and a
half yard. madam"
Mrs. S. feeling of the silk)-'.It
seems high at dollar and half
However, you may cut me off twenty
two yards IN T. Times.
A man who would whipsaw an ace
and attempt to call the turn by putting
Gas we have often seen him) $4-his