New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1885-01-14
WIT AND HUNTOR.

f 1OeSs
Keep your cash i'll your own hands. where
l nothing can trouble it:
! And every time that you field it across,
It's as plain Il as the light of the day that you
Don't fret if you can not get into So
ciety The oyster is often present at a
supper when he would perhaps prefer
to be at home in his bed.-Bcsto,s Coat7-
Ter.
The Prince of Wales is Colonel of six
teen different regiments. This is not q
circumstance to Florida; here we have
sixteen Colonels to one regiment
Florida Times Union.
''Pa, how funny this looks in this
paper. The printer has got the words
all mixed up, SO there is no sense to it. -
''No, no, my child. That is a new poem
by Tennyson. Independent
An old Vermont farmer who went
down to visit Boston returned and told
his wife there ''was the long-waistedest
girls he ever seed in his life down thar. I"
He caught sight of a few with Mother
Hubbards on.
''Hotel clerks are human beings"
says the Hotel Register. This is import
ant, if true; but we have always sup
posed them to be demi-gods at least.
If they are human beings, they are very
superior ones.-Boston Transcript.
There are living in New England
more than thirty persons upward of
one hundred years of age. This goes
to show that the mince pie served down
East is not so deadly as that found in
Chicago restaurants.-Chicago Herald.
cts but fitting that the son should
! be brought up to the fathers calling"
but well wager the old gentleman finds
it difficult to bring them up to his CALL
ing to build fire these mornings of low
mercury and high winds Spriagfeld
Register.
Policeman-"Have you a permit to
play here?" Organ grinder-''No, but
it amuses the little ones so much"
Policeman-''Then you will have the
goodness to accompany me- Every
we'll, sir, what do you wish to sing?"-
Fiegenede Blatter.
A Brooklyn young man is quite
"gone'' on Hamlet - Reading it
to the girl of his heart last week, he
came to the passage: cor if thou wilt
needs marry, marry fool.'' lis
that proposal, dear?" she asks Yes,
darling" he replied. And they settled
it there and then.
a shrewd old lady of this place eau
toned her married daughter against
worrying her husband too much, and
concluded by saying: my child,
man is like an egg. Kept in hot
water little while he may boil soft,
but keep him there too long and he
hardens. ''-Lochhauen EIpress
The length of Welsh names is proven.
bal, but even Tafy seems outdone by
the title of Mahrathi WORK lately pub.
lished in the Bombay Presidency. e.,
"Shrimanmad Observation-Disclosures.
neutrality-suspicious. ALA which
means, Oversees Describing the Death Of
Pe>hwa Mahaw RaO l. ''--Lt710ou Ora.
phic.
In the citadel is shown small can.
non which was taken at Bunl<cr's hill
! A party o: Americans were looking al
the gun the other day, while q sergeant
reciied its history. Eyes" said lady
''you've got tie cannon, but I CUES:
we've got the hill AS "a patriotic cpl
gram, tn is worth Il place in history
The Theatre.
Young Man CATER long interval o.
silence)-A penny for your thoughts
Miss Clara. Miss Clara (suppressing
yawn)-I was wondering if that clocl
isn't slow. 1t seems to me that church
let out four hours ago, and now it S onl,
midnight. The young man left with
out parting with his penny, and in con
dcrablc haste.
Gentlemen, said an auctioneer. Will
true pathos, ''if my :ather and M,
mother stood where you stand, and dit
rot buy this stew-pan, this elegan
pan-going at Sl-I should feel
my bounden duty as Il son to tell boil
of them they were false to their coun
try ami false to themselves. ''-Sa1
Francisco Argonuut
eve q big piece of news for you, oil,
fellow-going to be married next montl
to the charmingost little widow eve
was, ga widow? Beware of widows
A widows heart is like house on
moves into-you are always sure to tin,
something that recalls the previous ten
ant kicking about in some cupboard O
garnet. '-Efcnch Paper.
The other day a precious ycrngste
was asked if he was papa's boy. H
answered, ''Yes.'' 'And are yol
mammals boy. too?'' '.Ycs,' replie
Willie. "Well, how can you be papa
, boy and mammals boy both at the sam
timer 'Oh,' he replied, indifferent
!, ~, ''can't wagon have two horses?'
, That settled the questioner.
, ''Do you know the prisoner" aske
, the Judge. Eyes, SIR replied tn
: witness. ''What sort of a reputation
: has he?" s'Reputation? First-class.
what has he ever donep'' ''Done
, Why, your honor, he killed four me-
in Texas with three shots, and Their
, isn't man in this country who cal
whip him in fair fight. ''-F'rench Ora
, phic.
, In box at the opera two ladies ar
( bringing their op ra glasses to bear o.
{ third-a brunette of mature year
> made beautiful with superb diamonds
''Look," said one; sit is the Counties
x. Her hair is jet black, and am sur
. that it was gray last year." ever
t true, my dear. But you forget that sh
is in mourning. She lost her brothe
t some months ago.
3 "Ouch!' exclaimed young john,
: Jarphly, who was receiving "remind
7 err" "You got the wrong end, ma
l you got the wrong end of the ruler
8 That end has got the brass tip on it,!
: 'lt's poor rule that won't work bot
ways, "philosophically replied Mrs. Jal
phly, as she adjusted the stick to hi
T derelictions. -Httsburg Chronicle,
! Miss Ollie Price, one of the sweet
I est young ladies, will very soon launc
, that giddy young fish, Glen Hutchin
: son. understand that it will be n
t brilliant illumination or sumptuous feas
affair, but with puritanic simplicity
amid the ancient walls of her Uncl
Gabe's domicile, they will be made one
May the good work 60 on and on
Adatrvtlle, Ky:, Sittiugs.
Q The Fullerton Telescope man is wri;
!. ing history of Nance County, and i
: order to get to the beginning has gon
!. back to the creation If the world II