Weekly Chillicothe crisis., 1885-06-04
PASSING EVENTS.

IcFeul.
The girl who is looking for q place
IN a church choir must have the key
to the situation.
A Pittsburgh, Mass, couple who had
been married thirty-three years were
recently divorced.
According to wise medical practi-
toner, smoking is more likely to cause
cancers than chewing.
Two colts-onc mule and one horse
were recently foaled by mare in
Yolo county, California.
A Beaver county, Pennsylvania,
baby's name is Grover Cleveland
Thomas Hendricks Reich.
Grasshoppers are causing consider
able damage to fruit in the vineyards
of Tehama county, California.
California fruit-growers are intro
ducing negroes to be substituted for
Cinnamon in tho orchards and vine
yards.
A poet SAYS: "Woman is the Sunday
of Man" He probably had Eve in
his mind, as she was the beginning of
the weak.
The war department has decided
that officers shall not be given staff
places on any but professional
grounds.
A turnip closely resembling an ele-
phant is on exhibition at Key West.
A man closely resembling beat can be
seen almost anywhere.
Someone says: "a play must have
a motive" Most of them have, and
it seems TO be to get people to pay
Sl.jO to see 25.cent show.
The president kissed pretty little
girl at recent reception, and it is re.
ported that "the smack of his lips
could be heard all over the east ROOM
Noticed anything fresh to-day?"
asked the dude as he strolled into the
editorial room. Nothing until you
dropped in," replied the editor, care
lessly, and there was no more said.
There is one thing dread" re-
marked Henderson, land that is q
premature burial" Don't worry
about that replied Fogg, "the thing
is impossible. There is no danger of
your beng buried too soon
Street.cars in New York, Albany,
and Washington are to be moved by
compressed air. The air chambers
are under the cars, which can he run
at the rate of twenty-five miles an
hour, and can be stopped at once.
A statement recently promulgated
contains the terrifying news-to to bust
ness men-that mercantile agencies
have established rule of verifying
mans financial standing by his state
ment to the Unsuitable tax assessor
The Bar harbor which first won no.
tice by Its peculiar wildness of nature,
has become the Bar harbor of modern
improvements, where the "heart of
nature" can be felt beating through
telephone wires, railroads, and other
devices of man.
A farmer and his wife went into
dentists. "IIow much do you charge
for filling teeth?' asked the farmer.
From 81 to So" "And for pull
ing?' Fifty cents" "Mariar,h he
said, turning to his wife, you'd bet
ter get it pulled"
"l've got another, my DEAR said
Mr.. Podsnap, rushing in to supper.
"Well, what is it?' replied Mrs. Pod
snap, sharply. who was maid first,
Adam or EveP' why, Eve, of course,
you simpleton. heard that month
ago"
Yes" said Fogg, 81 like to deal
with Snip. You can always depend
on what he says, you know. He told
me that last suit of clothes | bought
of him would wear like iron. And so
it did, exactly like iron. 1t looked as
rusty as the old boy in less than three
months.
A couple of little girls requested
permission to attend st. Paul's church,
in neighboring city, and their moth
er, having given her consent, was sur
prised to find her daughters at home
soon after the services began. "Why,
girls, y she exclaimed, "what brought
you home so earlyP" "Why, mother,
it is all over-we went to church, and
St. Paul came in his night-robes and
knelt down to say his prayers before
going to bed, and so we came home"
Instead of having lights streaming
from the diadem of the Bartholdi lig-
ure in New York harbor it is now pro.
posed to have electric lights placed,
with strong reflectors, around the
foot of the statue, casting n very
strong light upon it, and thus giving
the appearance during the night of a
shining statue. Then a great verti-
cal beam of light will spring from the
uplifted torch, whose light, it is cal
culated, will strike the lower stratum
of clouds, when any are over it, en-
abling the reflection upon them to be
seen far out at sea,
A popular New York variety actress
contrives to make an extra bit Of
money in her nightly vocation by sing
ing songs in which the excellences OF
the wares of various business men are
warbled forth. In an impersonation
of tipsy dude she vocalizes extrava-
giant praise of CERTAIN brand of wine
In another impersonation she extols
the virtues of certain cigarette. The
managers of the various houses in
which she has beer engaged have re-
monstrated with her in vain. As she
is good drawing card" she is allow
ed to have her own way.
"This talk about cholera coming Is
all rubbish, sir, all rubbish, and it
doesn't scare me cents WORTH
snarled the first stranger "Nor me,
either" rejoined the second stranger,
"and it gives me pleasure to meet
gentleman whose views coincide so
nearly with my own." The strangers
exchanged cards. The card received
by the first stranger was inscribed;
Graves, Undertaken. Refers
to the leading families" The card
received by che second stranger read;
"Martingale Drag. The Elite Liv-
cry Stables. Special facilities for
A successful theater manager is
quoted as saying that, in casting a
play, he assumes there is no such thing
as acting. He knows the scarcity Of
real mimetic talent. Not one actor or
actress in hundred is capable OF va
rying his or her work to any great
degree. consequently, when set
out to produce a play" he says, II