The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-01-10
VAN SLICK.
IAIe1. E. s~es.. in l exas sihings.l


 avenue with gentleman named Van Slyck who had succeeded in scraping an acouaintalce =:sh me He belongs to one of the proud old KnickerbockeT fam flies. that helped swindle the Indians ou, of Manhattan Island. Van Slyck is a yery clever fellow in his way. He is cer- tain. in his own mind, that the New Workers are the smartest people in exist ence. and also that he is the smartest among all the New Workers. He dees not think, but knows positively that it would be impossible for Omnipotence itself to make New York any more per feet than it is already. He suspects that you are ignorant of all this, hence he re- minds you often, whenever he has a chance Van Siyck has not got very exalted cp'nion of Texas or Texans, but he was kind enough to inform me that he obtained that unfavorable opinion be- fore he ever became acquainted with me I believe he was introduced to Gibbs, the genial freight agent of the Sunset route, some years ago when he was on d visit to New York think have partially suc- ceeded in removing the prejudice in Van Slyck's mind, but he has a great deal to learn yet.
 As we walked down Lexington ave nue, Van Slyck, whs was full of life and hope, he having had several hot whisky punches, discoursed about the advantages New York had over the rest of the planets, and he was particularly severe on the Lone Star state.
 Nothing in the world could induce me to live in Texas. 1 would never feel safe for a moment. would always be under the apprehension that some thing dreadful was going to befall me. I'd be afraid of the COW boys" said Van Slyck.
 "I don't think you would be in any danger from the COW boys, but you might run the risk of the cows trying to eat you up on account of your green ness"
 "There is no security for human life in Texas. There is no telling what might happen to me-" said he, paying no atten- ton to my insinuation that he was a greenhorn.
 Human life is very secure in New York;" l replied. "You never hear of any murders or robberie,. Nobody ever gets run over, or dropped of the Ele- vated road"
 "lfI was in Texas 1 would be afraid to walk on the streets on account of the desperadoes."
 "They are not so dangerous"
 And then the people in Texas cannot possibly have the culture and polish pc culiar to New York;"
 "Its just as you say. The people of New York like polish. That's the reason they go to Madison Garden to see Sulli- van and some other ruffian polish each other off,"
 Here in New York;" continued Van Slyck, paying no attention to my home thrust, every precaution is taken to pro- , tect lite and property. You are just as safe on the streets as you are in } our own house. You may walk the streets for a hundred years and never"
 looked around to see what had checked Van Slyck's flow of eloquence. Really his flow of eloquence was not checked at all, but it had merely drifted into another channel.
 I'll sue this internal city for $50 900. O, but I'll make the blooming corpora ton sweat for this"
 Van Slyck had suddenly changed his position. He was down on the side walk. One leg was doubled up under him, as if it was made of India rubber while the other was out of sight down in coal hole. Judging by the expression of his face he was not enjoying himself very much. He had needlessly trodden upon the. cover of a coal hole, and it, like the worm which was trodden on, turned and down he went, barking his shin very severely, and splitting his coat all the way down his back. The suddenness of the incident was surprising. was not as much surprised as was when, on one occasion, saw the editor of the Houston Age pay for beer that he had ordered. That did make me catch my breath.
 helped Van out of his difficulty. His leg was not broken, which was something unusual in a coal hole accident As a general thing the man who falls into a coal hole breaks both legs and inJures his spine. picked up Van Slyck's hat, and having dusted it, put it back on his head. His nose bled from the shock, and he was lame all over with the exception of his tongue, with which he made the air blue with profanity.
 "There are no coal holes in Texas" remarked, dusting him off, but he was too busy rubbing himself, in several different places, and talking down through the hole to the wooden headed idiot, who had left it open. The latter talked back. From what he said infer that Van Slyck's ancestors were not as respectable as he pretends they were. The man down in the coal hole threatened to come up and break every bone in Van Slyck's body, and l was afraid he would come ont, and give Van Siyck another Irish punch. As it was he threw diatribes and chunks of coal at Van Slyck through the coal hole.
 The people in the house came to the window to see the fun. They laughed heartily. They were somewhat disap- pointed that Van Slyck had not broken his neck. Van shook his fist at them, but comforted him by saying:
 0Tf ie irnnoxsihIe Enr fhe neoDle of