Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-06-28
THE LlME-KilN CLUB
Detroit Free Press.

headers OF This article are Iaultlhl WIFE
the tact that no less than FIVE dastardly at
tempts have been made within the last FIVE
years to blow Paradise Hall into the middle
OF next week, and now the list is to be
added to and the GROWING attempts partcu-
larized.
Nearly all the members had gathered in
the hall, and in FIVE minutes more the tn
angle would have sounded for the meeting
to open. Brother Gardner and SIR Isaac
Walpole.were discussing the subjectof trans
migration, and Giveadsm Jones and Elder
Toots were ending q game of checkers.
Pickles Smith, Elder Penstock, Whalebone
Howler and other members were matching
pennies, and a general atmosphere Of peace
and contentment pervaded the room, An
outsider would have said there was no sin
there, and the closest observer would have
failed to detect the least evidence OF an
oversbsdowipg sorrow.
Such was the situation when the huge
building was suddenly shaken a. if by an
earthquake. Plaster shOwered down, win
dow glass ratified and shivered, the bear traps
swung wildly to and fro, and from brackets
and shelves and inches busts OF Cicero and
relics from the pyramids came tumbling to
the floor in wild confusion. For an instant
every member OF the club seemed paralyzed,
but as soon as this feeling wore away there
was a general yell Of dismay and a rush for
,be door. No attention was paid TO rule
", which reads:
I'm case this hall is to, be vacated with
extreme suddeness owing to fire, flood or
other calamity, the President shall have ten
feet the start"
One wild, dismayed, terrorstricken crowd
rushed for the door, but not q man got out.
Judge Cadaver and Stepback Johnsing, who
had the lead, wedged, stuck fast, and the
space was checked.
1t was perhaps a good thing, as it gave
the members an opportunity to recover their
wits. In about two minutes heads, legs and
arms began to unite and untangle, and the
jam dissolved. All danger was past. While
Paradise Hall had been damaged to the ex-
tent of 5000, and while the club hand sui.
fered I'D appalling loss in sacred and valued
relics, no lives had been sacrificed. The
nearest approach to it was in the case of
Judge Cadaver. Some one stood on his
neck for about three minutes and delibe-
rately distracted four razors from his left
bootleg
The Gendish attempt was, of course, at
once investigated, but the results did not
pan out very much. The only suspicious
things discovered were a woman's cotton
stocking with a hole in the heel, a pair Of
blue goggles, a recipe for making ginger ale
without any ginger in it and a can, which
had either contained peaches or dynamite.
The villain, whoever he was had escaped.
As near as could be ascertained be entered
the grocery below (best goods and lowest
prices at this store), tied the a to the
handle Of o cheap broom, and, holding the
broom to the ceiling exactly under the spot
usually occupied by Elder Cohorts Smith,
had pulled the trigger and let her flicker.
The idea was to destroy the entire club at
one fell blow, but Providence happily frus.
rated the fndish design. Most Of the force
OF the explosion lodged off after q row OF
cars OF preserved pumpkin on a high shelf,
and this fact alone saved the hall above.
The best detective talent in the club was
at once detailed to work the case. Giveadam
JOKES succeeded in connecting the stocking
with q rejected candidates sister in.law, but
it was soon thereafter ascertained that be
never had a relative Of that brand. Sir Cod
driugton Duplex discovered that the goggles
were exactly like a pair worn by colored
man who was drowned in Lake Erie three
years ago., but could get no further. 1t was
quite evident hat he was on the right track
to connect the drowned man with the explo
sion, but he required time to see his way
clear. Samuel Shin laid great stress on the
recipe. 1t had evidently been written oui
for some confectioner or druggist. His idoa
wa to arrest all men in the city connected
with the drug or confectionery business and
hold each n ina separate cell until q full
confession was made.
Waydown Be5ee vigorously asserted that
the real clue wa in the can, and it wal
passed around for each member to smell OF.
1t had once been labeled, but the liable had
been removed in the most careful manner
1t might have contained peaches, but how
easy for an employe Of q canning estblish
ment to slip q pound Of dynamite in smonl
the fruit, and for an outside confederate II
purchase that very can? He would mov'
that all the employees Of all the canning fac
tories in the United States be arrested with
out delay.
The Rev. Penstock, whose paper cola
had been entirely ruined, and whose telling
were greatly narrowed up, believed in takini
an underhand advantage. He would ad
vertise in all the respectable newspapers a
follows:
FIFTY Thousand Dollars.-The party VIII
made the dastardly attempt to blow up Para
disc Hall the other night will hear of sone
thing to his advantage by addressing tn
Secretary of the club. Please commanicat
at once, o. the legacy may pass into othe
hands"
He argued that the villain would instantl
| jump 10 the conclusion that he had e 30,
thing on hand, and would straightWay fal
into the snare.
More than q score of members advance
theories and secured cleus, and some httl
confusion was created by Elder Toots risin
Up and asserting that the real Grimm,
probably belonged to the club. and con
mading hin to at M stand up and mai
o full confession. Nobody took advantsg
of his invitation. and the President said:
"Gem'len. I hev faith dat de unhun
v%illyian viii ultimately be puniahsd.
may not be for 6ve-ten-ffty-or even
thousand years, but hen git it in de can
Meanwhile we can't be to thankful ober d
escape. While we has bin considersb
damaged in q 6nanshal pint Of view. q
while wemus regard it as one ofde miracle
dat none OF rs war killed outright. We .
stil ondeck an still leftto pursue de routiI
Of our labors in behalf Of de. gineral pubi
Giveadam Jones an Waydovn Beebe 81
pinted 4 committee 10 sssess fnansh
damages; Rev. Psnstock An Judge Cadav
win consult wid de perleece, An Truss
PuIlback an Sundovn Smith viii take p
seshua Of De can en- seek 10 diskibse
contents. Let VI nor adjourn.