Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-11-05
ROUGH EXPERIENCE.


sane bought II rowing machine. My
appetite had been diminishing for some
time and felt in need Of little vigor.
Gus exercise. At least, | thought aid.
So invested some of my numerous
shekels in the Eureka Warranted Steel
Spring, Oak Body, Health aud Happs
ness-Producing Rowing Machine. bes'
in the world!'
After paying the express charges,
which were larger than the machine
itself, carried the thing up to my
room. trailing the name after me all the
way up. Once in the privacy OF my
own chamber, proceeded to unraVeI
the mysteries of it.
The man at the store where bought
1t had explained everything to me SO
fully that I was sure | had 1t down as
fine as an aldcrman'S virtue. But alasl
for the frailty of poor human nature
got the thing together after awhile.
so that it looked like the cut on the cir
cular which accompanied it. But there
were several little parts of the engine
that could not be shown on the cut and
with characteristic perversity failed to
adjust these However, II looked all
right. and | proudly called the sane
members of the household up to admire
my shape and see me paralyze the ma
chine. Twas going to show them that
there was at least one oarsman in the
family. In fact. / had very serious
thoughts about challenging Hanlan.
Now this particular +. w. ). ). q. Il.
H. 4 II. 7. R.-M. etc. was OF an aristo-
cratic temperament and seemed unwil.
ling to work unless everything was Just
right. So when | grasped the oars,
looked confident and proceeded to
.muscularize, the confoundcd inven-
ton vetoed the business then and there.
At the first stroke it protested. II did
this in very vigorous manner. 1t ele-
waited its head, reared up on its hind
legs and began to spill me around IN a
manner calculated to I'LL mule with
envy.
Then as if not content with this re-
buke, it fell over on top of me, and we
had a short struggle. the machine at
length forcing me down and sitting
square on my face, and covering my
noble brow with brui-e about aS big as
a banana.
A look of pain Immediately wcndcd
its melancholy way across my very mel
ancholy countenance, leaving its foot
marks to show future pitying genera
tions the course it had taken.
Then got mad. The idea of little
machine not able to stand on the floor
without something to hold il, having the
impud"nce to use m" IN that familiar
manner II was too much for my usual
good temper. and if had not been too
busy extracting the LEG Of the machine
from my mouth, | would certainly have
made uSo of some very un-~unday-
schoOl-like remarks. As il was,
thought considerable. Ny ear was still
tingling with the effects of avery loving
embrace. 1t tngles at the touch yet,
from the same cause.
As | said before. did not swear, for
the very good reason that couldn't.
never vet saw man who could spit out
decent cuSS word with one corner
/ of an outrigger, sliding seat, rowing ma
chine jammed firmly in his face. But
nv thoughts would look awful ia type,
In fact do not think they could be eN'
pressed in print under any considers
ton.
While the female portion of the family
was giggling and the other part roaring
outright, proceeded TO arise, and afte
getting myself from between the foo
and my tormeLtOr, succeeded in doin!
So The first thing did then was Il
relieve nv feelings This did in sucI
an energetic manner that the atmos
phere in nv luxurions bOudOir took OF
fine ultamarne tint, and some Iu
cifer matches lying on the gold-trImme'
marble mantle were ignited
After administering this much-necde'
relief to my outraged feelings, | pro
ceeded to arrange things. My dandc
: was up so high that it got tangled in III
beautiful. coal-black locks, and | wa
resolved to ride that many-named fen
= of machine or die. / shudder now t
think of the odds that were in favor {
my dying.
/. After little investigation I found tn
. cause of my misfortune to be smal
n innocent-looking eyebolt with which
= did not fasten the machine TO the foo
Il The bolt feeling slighted, no doubt, ha
: taken revenge by allowing the machir
r to act in the outrageous manner
Il which it did.
II However, after properly adjusting Il
eyebolt and making sure, rs ! though
:, that everything was all right. | aga
= took nv seat with a iust-see-how-eas
=. tits look on my classic features. +,
4 the second time grappled with the oa
d and swung grandly and majestical
m into motion. For the first two or thr
10 strokes everything went along
i, smoothly as a fat man on banana pee
II Then something seemed to give wa
y The machine had evidently woken ,
u' TO business after the quiet little nap
~ had taken on my shirt-bOSom, and HI
" settled right down to a realization OF t
fact that It had mission in this life
perform-and meant to perform il.
not know exactly how it happened. b
when loving hands had picked me O
!. of the plate-glass mirror and tied
string around me To keep the pieces
gethcr, I had a faint idea that my II
VI chine had challenged a dynamite facto
= to play baseball, and that ! was ump
u in the game that followed.
NV ambition to become a great oa
fe man evaporatcd right there. Mea
.. while the machine stands, or rather Ii
D. lust where il landed after the little to
nobody in the house having the cOura
TO approach it. If any Of the Su
)n readers wants to buy nice, gent
d. easy-going young rowing machil
IN strong, reliable and every way tr'
,g trained TO single or double harness, a
~ warranted docile and to keep in a
ks climate, he may be able to arrange W
to advantageous terms by calling on
n DO QUINN, Charity Hospital