Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-05-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

bad habits-Worn-out garments.
A railroad strike-A collision.-Ea.
Aroller skater is known by his bumps.
Sallie Ratus is the girl that takes the
biscuit. Tile Hatchet.
The wife's pathway in life is generally
. buy way.-BostOn Post.
When stovepipe is out at the elbow
he SCOT begins to play out.
In Denmark the rooms in the hotel are
III bald-headed-that is, they have no
ocks.-SJtings.
Would it be just to say that all physi-
ians partially get their living by pill
lge?-The Judge.
According to the doctrine of the sur
rival of the fttest, the last man will un.
loubtedly be tailor.-Life.
often cold shoulder pleases the recip-
ent, especially if it happens to be cold
shoulder of lamb Waterloo Observer.
The empress of Austria has private
circus. Many American ladies have
hem to on lodge nights COurier.Jour-
lal.
A poetess sings, "I Have Found
What Silence Is" Her friends, it is
understood, are not so fortunate. Boston
Transcript.
More light" is the watchword of
progress, but more of the opposite
quality in load of coal is what the
people are beginning to demand. - CHI
ago Ledger.
"What is the dollar of our daddies'm
lsked college paper. 1t is what the
average undergraduate pays his wagers
and anti-temperance subscriptions with.
-Burlmgton Free Press.
"What One Girl Did " is the title OF
new story. She doubtless did the
same as all other girls do--jump up on
;able and frightened poor little mouse
10 death. .-NeV York Journal.
A philosopher writes, "Man is the
merriest species of the creation" Did
;he philosopher ever see man when it
was first broken to him that he was the
father of twins9 We trow not.-Ne0
York Graphic.
"How Love is Made in Persia, is the
title of recent article. 1t is probably
| made there of the same compound parts
as here, that is, millionaires daughter
one part, impecunious nobleman one
oart, desire for title torty-nine parts, de-
iire for wealth forty nine parts. Mix
Boston Post.
isis says she can't come down to-
1ight: she has severe headache. That's
what she says; but Cholly don't give it
away, she's lynn like house afire. She
nurt her bunion so tryin' to wear num-
Der two shoes on a number four foot,
that she can't walk" was the way
Fourth street eight-yearold excused his
sister when her beau called. Brooklyn
Times.
A sporting paper contains an article
sntitled "How to prevent accidents in
/ ;he game of baseball" This difficulty
nay be overcome by the substitution of
garden digging for baseball. A young
nan who is digging garden never gets
INJURED by running the bases or by the
oat flying out of another players hand;
;hough when he gets through with the
game he may be induced to think he has
exchanged backs with a man one hun
ired and ninety seven years old.-Nor-
riSt0pn Herald.
"The spring has sprung again, sir,
And have brung sir,n
Said he, "some little verselets that the whole
world would like to read.
] know you'd prize them,
You'd better revise them
In an idle hour dashed them off at almost
lightning speed"
A journalistic
/ Encounter fistic
Then ensued, and, crashl the poet whirled
( downstairs and through the door.
The bright young writer
Was not a fighter,
/ But he'd often dashed off poets at almost
lightning speed before.
-SomerpiLIe Journal.