Morning journal and courier., 1885-06-11
GOALS.

Housekeeper-"No;w we do not know any new recipe for cooking brains. You might try heaping coals of fire on his head. ."-Phil- adelphia Call.
 One of the essays of the Sunday school convention in Lynn is to be on "Absentees, and how to reach them" There are great many ways but we believe most parents pre- fer the slipper.-New York Graphic. sGet my life insured? Mo- sir. I'm not quite so selfish as that. I confess l was tempted to do it once, but I thought the ! matter over, and decided to do the liberal thing and insure my wife's life instead. ."- Boston Transcript.
 A New York artist recently shot himself before one of his unfinished paintings. You will occasionally hear of artist who can properly appreciate the merits of his own work and is not afraid to emphasize his opinion of it.-Norristown Herald. At spiritual seanoe a widow desired to communicate with her dead husband. els it really such dreadful place, John?" sNot at all; heaven is g delightful place." MT Medium" :" said the widow, turning to that | parsonage, "you have called up the wrong man. ."-Charleston News.
 'sDon't you think Miss Pink is pretty girls" asked Fogg. 'sNo, Pm sure I don't" replied Mrs. F. with some asperity. "Why, my dear,'' returned Fogg, ''I consider her an ideal beauty" Mrs. F.-sDo you? That's l because she has real beauty about her, l ! suppose. Boston Transcript.
 A New Jersey man, hearing that his wife 1 intended to elope, considerably went away ! from home on the evening named, so as to | remove every obstacle His wife suspected l the cause of his absence and dismissed her clandestine suitor. Moral: Never try to be smarter than woman. If you do you will got left.-Burlingto Free Press. 1 An eminent scientist is writing about 'fthe sun source of energy" Somehow it never seems to lend much energy to the man who sits on dry goods box eight hours a ! day basking in the rays of this infinite source of energy and wishing some GUS l toner would happen along or that he could think of something that would keep him awake until bed time.-Burdette.
 'You say your husband has good memo \ ry do you, Mrs Crimsonbeaks" ''Oh, ex- | cellent," responded the lady addressed. 1 s'Well, asked him to bring me home a ! mackerel week ago, aud he brought it | home to-day. Now, man must have a ! pretty good memory to remember a little | thing like that for whole week. ."-Yonkers 1 Statesman.
 ] The beer flew to his head-s'Mr. Snickle- | fritz" i" said the Austin Recorder to the ac- l with having assaulted this lawyer, and by | the looks of his head you must have used
 great violence" "A glass of peer fly to his
 head, schudge." q know" said the Re corder, pensively, tthat beer will fly to a | persons head if not taken in moderate doses,
 but that does not explain the scalp wounds. " 1 ''Dot glass fly nit der peer to his head. ? ! 'Oh, you hit him on the head with mug of
 beer. Why didn't you say at once instead
 of dropping into poetrya What was the provocationg' Dot shayhawk lawyer, said Snicklefritz, ''come to my saloon drunk,
 and say, Hello, Dutchy, why don't you put so tam soon?' I say would not hef dot, and
 a glass of peer fly to his head."-Texas Sift- ings.