Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-03-08
A CHARMING CRANK.
curid and the Lack of Girls In Dakota
A Wight of Elouuencs That Rivals Proc
tor Knots Duluth Grafton.

Cupid and the Lack OF Girls In Dako'"-
A Flight of Eloquence That Rivals Proc
tor Knots Duluth Grafton.
Eel0 York Sun.
Cupid is q queer little chap. and the older
he grows the crankier he gets. de Bs oig.
ger foolmsker to day than he WAS 1000
years ago, when he induced Col Samson
The great original Gon.tailtwister sad con,
gressional. Jaw bone swinger, to lay his wool
and his glory in the lap OF half negro,
DELLA. He is q more egregious ninny-
breeder now than when he led all homers
heroes on that wild Grecisn bender after
the Sarah Bernbardt of the Trojan era de
il more unconscionable heather amid all
our nineteenth century blaze Of Gospel light
and liberty than when he and his scanty'
skirted mamma, Mrs. Venus, led the Pagan
orgies of Atheuian damsels beneath the shade
Of ancient olive groves. He Is creation 6
marplot, dignity dethroner, reasons upset
ter and scoffer. Old women, toothless ana
shrivelei, touched by the pestiferous little
archer who turks in rosebud and cabbage
heads, plaster their graveyard countenances
with enamels aud paints enough to gorge
camp of Kickapoo squaws swing gads and
ceweaws to every available protuberaneepile
on sweet sixteen toggery, and smirk ana
giggle in style that would drive a whole
bedlam of ordinary lunatics to suicide. The
bigger the folly the surer the stroke NO
man was ever truly in love who did not make
ioyous ass OF himself, aud the huger the
.ars the purer the flame. All maseulinityis
doomed, sooner or later, to be smitten, pune
rured, harpooned, and, sheltered beneath the
mantle or wings-whichever he wears-of
Saint Valentine, l wish to tel
all Womankind that nowhere else on earth
is that shifting, punciuriug and hsrpooninee
go essily done; nowhere else beaeatn the
sappbirean dome Of heaven does Cupid, the
Lilliputian gizznrd'piercer, come so near
having, like death, all seasons for his
own; nowhere else in all the grand rounds
Of the sun and moon and peeping stars, are
the victims so plentiful and so readily
catchable, crazable and smashsble as in
the vast imperial regions Of the Northwest.
the womanless wonderland OF the world.
Girls of America, look at Dakota, with
tour and half men and boys to every WON.
an and girl. Nearly every town in this
greatest and grandest of the territories is in
the same deplorable fix, counting its girls
over every night az carefully as old-times
ladies do their chickens or spoons, and never
able, by any arithmetic, to scare Up more
than one or two to every fifty fellows. The
whole great American Northwest groans
under the woes Of similar restitution
Think Of single missionary in Manitoba,
two or three years ago, with eight hundred
bachelors under his charge and not one
weddable girl or gushing widow
Girls of the woman-crowded, old maid
accumulating older states, here is the field
for you; here you are needed; here you are
sure of dozen husbands apiece if you want
them. Here is an empire, stretching two
thousand miles to the north and west, up
The Saskatchewan and across the mighty
Rockies, to the golden slopes of the Pacific
an empire vaster and grander, more fer
tile and beautiful and glorious than ever
Romes gilded eagles glittered over in her
palmiest days of power and pomp and pride
that waits the comming OF its mistresses
Its princesses and queens 1t is ready to
fling all its glories and its fellows at your
feet. Without you it is doomed to be vast
Sky.roofed, horizoned walled prison house
of hapless, hopeless satyrs, masculine
wilderness, womsnless realm.
Come West, young woman, come North
west; and stand not upon the order your
coming, but come at once. Every one Of
you is guaranteed to strike masculine
bonanza in ninety days time. And, as it
is but fortnight till st. Valentines and
Cupid's day, this screed may perhaps, pass
for Dakota valentine TO American femin-
unity; to the girls, the women Of the noblest
land beneath the sun, who have, individually
and collectively, no more ardent admirer,
no more devout worShiper, than
P. DoStN.
Devils Lake, Oak, Feb. %.