Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-01-09
HUM0R OF THE DAY,


A foury composition-A bread pud-
ding.
Little Bcdouin boys are allowed all
the dessert they want.
A near-sightcd man can be in the best
of health and yet look badly.
Its rather a singular thing that if you
expect to find coal you must look for it
in vein.
There are not many deer in the woods
of PENNSYLVANIA this year, and what few
there arc will die game.
Fashionable walking sticks are very
heavy this winter. 1t will now be sim
ply impossible to tell the dude from the
cane. e.-Burlington Free Press.
Alcohol can be produced from the nat
ural gas of Western Pennsylvania. AL
cohol, when misapplied, is productive OF
natural, oratorical as.-Hartt0rd Post.
Victor Hugo, at the age of eighty
three, is building house and overseeing
the work himself, so as to be certain 1t
will stand lifetime. e.-Detr0jt Tree Press.
Don't fret if you cannot get into So
ciety. The oyster is often present at
supper when he would perhaps prefer to
be at home in his bed.-BOstOn Courier.
Kate Field says: "Mormon wives are
horrible cooks.'' This is not strange.
1t is q maxim old as the hills: TOO
many cooks spoil the broth. Inter
Ocean.
An old maid in Nashville keeps par
rot which swears, and monkey which
chews tobacco. She says, between the
two, she doesn't miss a husband very
much. h.-Merchant- 1rare'er.
A lady in Connecticut has harp three
hundred years old, and Johnson says he
wants her to come to his boarding house
and match it against piano he hears
there every day.-Nerchant- 1raoe!er.
Florence Marryat asks, in lecture an
hour and half long; "What shall we
Women do with our Menu" If Florence
would apply to widow she would get
a correct answer inside of five minutes.
"Dont talk to me about Wagner. |
was an intimate friend of Rossini, and l
! admire his music above all other operas.
81 think william Tell his best work. "
"Do you know his 'Barber9" mo, l
always shave myself"
A chicken was killed in Wilkes coun-
ty, Pa, recently, and three brass buttons
and the shell of a pistol cartridge were
found in its gizzard. Now we know
what his become of the United States
army. Boston Transcript.
NAKED TRUTH.
Little drops of printers ink,
And little type "dsplayed,"
Make our merchants princes,
With all their big parade.
Little bits of stinginess- =.
Discarding printers ink
'Bust5', the man of business,
And sees his credit sink.
Bloomington Eye.
sTd have you know, SIR" said tho
irate citizen to a man on the street, "that
nv wife is a high-toned woman, and [
won't allow you to say word against
her. "High-toned, replied the other,
II should say she is high-toned; you can
hear her mile when she is quarreling
with the neighhors." ."
"Ah. YES, he said, ~ love you" II
am not young, John. There is little
gray in my hair, and some younger
woman may" "Ncver. All, my own
darling, you remember what the poet
Eeays. SThe old is always the best" The
engagement was suddenly broken OIL
San Francisco Chronicle.
"Gentlemen, said an auctioneer, with
true pathos, ''if my father and my
mother stood where you stand, and did
not buy this stew-pan, this elegant stew
nan. going at one dollar, should feel it
my bounden duty as son to tell both
of them they were false to t heir country
mud false to themselves. ar gonam.
q BICYCLE BLISS.
A pleasant ride,
A gutter wide,
A bruised and battered form.
laughing girl
With flying curl
Helps the 'cycler so forlorn
A month of calm, e..
To mend an arm,
His nurse that charming dame.
Gay Cupid's dart,
Pierced 'cyclers heart
And l1indled loves bright flame
, -NelO York Journal
-
Bat la Praerie, who can daily be seen
, on the streets of Marshfeld, Wis, was
born in the Michigan peninsula in ITS,
, his father being one of Astor's fur traders,
/ and his mother souaw. He served as
] scout and interpreter In the war of 1919,
, and was soldier throughout the cam