News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-09-17
TERMS $1.5O.
FEELING BAD.

FEELING BAD.
The Arkansaw Trayeler is authority
for caustic letter to the President from
the late Postmaster at May Bloom, Ark,
from which we take these sentences: 81
don't kere nothin' for the money that's
in this Office A dollar an half year
amt no more to me than rs cents is to
you, but don't want to be fooled with.
Shortly airter you tuck your seat man
wanted to bet me that you wouldn't
be in office morn year till you would
make some big mistake. | bet him
COW. Airter got your notice tellin' me
to git out, | driv the COW over to the
feller's house, an told him he had won
her. You not only cut mans pride,
but you break him up in business. be-
lieve you take pleasure in making fel-
ler feel bad"
STOP HER.
GLOW is this, doctor9" said a country
editor 20 one of his subscribers. 81 sent
you bI1l for subscription, and received
So and this little cork. l can grasp the
idea embodied in the So, but I don't
quite catch on to the cork" and the C.
e. smiled his most affable smile.
"That means stopper, " said the doctor,
and he hadn't received copy of the
paper SINCE Cincinnati IraUeler.
THE BOY.
boy will eat and boy will drink,
And boy will play all day;
But boy won't work and boy won't thiHS,
Because he amt built that way.
Chicago Ledger.
A CRICKET STORY.
The newly appointed parson of very
hilly Kentish village being a cricket en-
thusiast, was resolved to instil love for
the game into his parishioners. Accord
ingly, meeting was held, subscriptions
and help were promised, and the sole
difficulty that remained to be overcome
was the { covery of suitable field.
The only1evel bit in the parish be-
longed to the butcher, who was can
tankerous, bumptious fellow. He, how
ever, consented to lend his field, and,
although he was known to be no
cricketer, he was asked to play in the
opening match. His first ball clean
bowled him; but, instead of walking
away from the wicket, he remained, with
the evident determination of continuing
his innings The umpire, therefore,
walked up to him and said: ''You're out,
Mr.. Bull, you're out" The butcher
turned round and said: ooh, I'm hout,
ham 1? I'm hout Well, hout you all
go from my blooming fieldF-LondOn
Truth.
BEYOND THE REACH OF MEDICINE.
tIyrLo4 o~o ,oroa of 1yo,,,
symptoms !''
Patient-''W doctor, I am very
nervous, and have palpitation of the
heart, think"
"H'm. Anything else -
eyes, am troubled with cold sweats,
and a tendency to start at every sound. !"
''H'm Have you been trying to get
the Post Office 2"
eyes"
'Medicine won't help you. We VIII
have to let the Post Office and nature
take their course. ~. Y. Sun.
SHE KNEW HIM.
sI tell you, my dear -" said an
old gentleman to his wife on the sum
sDon't 51 Ti'f' feTi me anything, sir, re-
torted the lady, with emphasis
f'But / believe"
..Bah what do your beliefs amount
to 9'
''But think"
sBah! You fatter yourself. What
are your thoughts worth 9''
s'But, my dear, / know"
sDon't talk to me about what you
know. What you don't know would fill
an encyclopaedia Everybody knows
YOU are stupid, old, senseless worth
less dotard. You don't know enough tc
come in when it rains"
s'Who is that old gentleman ovel
there?" asked a visitor OF the hote
clerk.
"Don't you know him Why, he il
the Chief Justice of our State Supreme
Court. y Chicago Tribune.
DAsHEs.
ssWE recently saw an account of the
different devices used by actors to keel
from smiling on the stage" writes al
editor. One never-failing device Is TO
the actor to catch sight of the manage
stepping out the back door with all th'
box-office receipts.-Ptcb.
Mrs. B.: care you not going to cele
brate your golden wedding 2" Mrs. G.
'sNo; my first wedding was woodel
one." Mrs. B.: "Oh, it could not be
YOU know" Mrs c.: '1t was. l mar
ried blockhead."
PRINCE LOUIS of Battenberg is sal
to be an excellent practical printer
When he was married he certainly got
''fat take" Considering his wife
dowry, there is no reason why he shoul
be ''out of Sorts"
CANINE, is it proper to say this 'ere
that 'ere ?'' |Why, Kate, of cours
not" "Well, 1 don't know whether
is proper OF not, but 1 feel cold in tn
ear from that air."
A CYNICAL bachelor of another cit
saws woman is good deal like an az
Gordon. You can draw her out, br
she ''makes music" if you attempt t
shut her up.
"OUR children cry for bread" was tn
motto displayed at recent picnic !
Chicago, at which 300 kegs of beer wei
consumed.
! IT isn't because a woman is afraid
: a COW that she runs away and scream
1t is because gored dresses are out
fashion.
/; A NEW story is entitled ''The Editor
e Wallet We have not read 1t, but
know that it must be very fiat.
WHEN Bulwer said there is no sue
word as 'sfair' he expected the yout
to make an assignment.
e A DIAMOND merchant may speak of b
goods being of the purest water, b
the milkman may not.
:, Bill Arp on Storms.
u A storm in the country is worth som
thinn to Gee We can look out and at