The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-11-17
THE AGE OF SHAM.
PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS
STUFFED WITH SAWOUST.
The Stranger Delivers Homly to the
Reporter Deiusive Eictuals, Vile
Cigars, Imitation Everything
Only One Article Excepted.
Philadelphia PreSs.l

Philadelphia Press.l
IN a great big gilded eating house il
the business portion of the city, which Is
ttrOnged week days By myriads Of
nervous men with their mouths full of hot
coffee and their heads full of the ticker or
the trial list a reporter sat down to dinner.
The place was nearly empty. The only per-
at the next table a who, in
stead of eating. drummed idly the table,
and every now and then looked about him.
Whenever he did look about him lie smiled.
The smile was one OF those ostentatiouj
smiles that invite your neighbor to ask what
il is you smiling about.
THE TEMPLE OF SHAM.
The reporter lookel inquiringly at his
noighb1r. The latter hitched his chair up
t. the reporter with a nervous motion and
broke out: Il come to this place and OthOr
places like it to satiate myself with sham.
have come to admire sham. 1t Is the rul-
ing spirit Of the age. 1t is the outcome Of
the crazo for appearance5-the desire Of
every man to eat, drink AMI be clothed Ike
his betters. This desire can not be appeased,
for the price of the bsst is eterna lily fixed
therefore it is soppad with i'm imitation of
thu best at price it can afford to pay.
This place is temple of sham. Excuse
this homily. What are you eating3'
The reporter, who had his own doubts on
posed to be turtle soup
The stranger shifted contemptuously. at
isn't even attempted to cover up that sham"
he said. "Younotice on the bill of fare that
your turtle soup Is but 10 cents more per
plate that mock turtle soup. Calipash and
calipse, green fat, an historic delicaCy,
famed in the history of the worlds metro
polls as the acme of epicurean delight, for
10 cents mora than fried meat ball. But
the age likes to think it is eating turtle
soup It sounds rich-therefore the veally
counterfeit. | am going to eat Spanish
cmelette," continued the stranger, changing
the SUBJ ect
DOUGH MUSHROOMS.
The stranger gave his order to colored
waiter, who yawned and twisted his mus
tache against gilded pillar, and the ONE
lette was brought. The stranger investi-
gated the ingredients of the savory mess
with his fork, and on the end of the utensil
produced q mu ,hroom. "LoOk at thi<," ne
said. Then ne picked at the appetizng vege-
table with his knife, scraped off the covering
of sauce and began pairing the stem. 1t
crumb!el under the operation in decidedly
aavegetable way. The reporters eyes
popped out on his cheeks
what il it, he asked.
Dough-" replied the stranger. at i an
old trick. Musoro ms are scare AMI high
Still the patrons like to have the sensation
Of ordering mushrooms in their composition
If prices were up t. the mushroom market
= they would abandon the restaurant. So
they cat dough. 1t is harmless. / would
advise the propretors TO stick to dough and
not Indulge in toadstoOIs, which might worl,
injury
"TWO-FOR-FIvE's."
Tho stranger pu5hoI away the onlette
which, ne explained, he had only ordered as
an excuse for remaining in the place, and
strong column of smoke ont from the bottom
Of his lungs after deep inhalation, lie went
On talking at is n quo ,tion,' lie said,
whether any man OF tie present generation,
sRvo only the negroes, who roll their cigars
ont of leaves pluckaI from bales of raw
tobacco the wharvss of southern ports,
has ever tasted real tobacco. / myself hav1
-moked vaieran % long that you see
positively enjoy it. l confess that l do not
know what real tobacco is IIiot9 who
buy, and liars who sell variou, p.epara-
tons of valerian will tell you that they do
n Tie reporters cane, VIII ch hal lcan lean
i'm against tho vain co. while its owner
Eorget himself with sham food, fell t. the
IcOr with rafting noise. The strangers
eye followed the direction OF tho noise
That stick" said he (which is made to
represent Irish blackthorn, and was grown
in Jersey, leaned against panel which i
male to represent mahogany, AMI Is really
ssh. The imitation black thorn slid along the
imitation ma hoSany aul fell upon sJm2-
thing which j. meant to represent a marble
floor. 1t did not fail upon q marble floor
tut upon IA preparation Of a sOrt of concrete
fraIcI i, made t. Represent marble by 4
patent tile company The very nose pro-
tGced is sham.
EXCEPT ONE ARTICLE.
The rep erter. occupied with the horrii
,tolbt III his min as to whether the piece Of
beef in his month was hor e. paid no alton
ton 70 the strangers assault upon his cane
and the hnmilist continued. if to himself:
"A temple Of sham. The sunlight falls
through stained aIass, which is not stained
gIasS, bus stained paper lasted on window
faEeS 1t lights upon medalliops of ham
;ler brass and q frieze OF repOusse work
which are not hammered brass and re-
pousse, but PAPER mache. Truly the
The reporter interrupted the speaker
lie had come to the list course of his meal
Sir said he anxiously, lis the pie ini-
tatiou. to0!7 There was a silence in which
the disciple listened with bated breath and
the teacher framed his wisdom into words
"No " he said softly. No enc would im-
tate American pie" And producing coin
which he said should by rights he conn
gecteit, he paid his check and walked out.
Tho HZascotte.
youths Companion
\ E-ascotte, accOr linz to tho super.ti-