The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1885-10-01
aaOEFE.Vs rERN IN rROUBLE
AGAIN.

Hofenstein came down to his store ear
lier than usual, and there was q troubled
and angry look on his face which caused
Herman to say: 81 dinks someding
don't go right NIT you, Misder Hoffen-
stein ?"
"Vat pishncss was dat init you, if it
don't 60 right" replied Hoffenstein saw
agely, and his words were so sharp that
Herman, in his fright, dropped . box of
ladies' CATERS and ducked his head be-
hind the counter and pretended to search
for something. At last Hoffsnstein's an
ger subsided, and, with cold look in his
eye, he said i: Herman, do you know
Simon Loewenfelder, vat vas drummer
for Marx und Dreufus?"
"Yes, Misder Hoffenstein, sees him
de last time ven he vas here up NIT nv
cousin Moses Rosenfield's house."
"Vell, vos he Won of dem kind uf fel-
lows vat puts up shobs init beople."
"Idon't know dot, Misder Hoffenstein."
replied Herman, surprised and wondering
what the old man was talking about "Vat
makes you dink dot way"
"Vell, l dells you, Herman. My wife
Leah und myself haf been NIT each oder
for twenty-five years, und We don't haf
any disturbance undil knows dot fellow
Simon Loewenfelder, vat says to me :.
'Hofenstein, you vas getting bald init
your head, und if you don't watch out
you will find dot you wont haf SO much
hair as dere vOs on watermelon. If you
want blinty uf hair, you shust dake
onion, und slice it, und rub it ofer de
blace we're you vas bald, und you will haf
shust so much hair as you efer haf ven
you vas young. De remedy vat he gif
vos cheap, you know, und / dinks / will
try it ven | goes home last night, und 1
forgets dat my wife haf party at de
house und dot Nose Schwartz vas going
to blay de fiddle dere. Vile vas init
my room und rubbing my head mat a
couple of onions, my wife calls up stairs
und dells me dat all de peoples vos in de
parlor und better had come down and
join NIT de fun. / goes down init de
barlor, und laughs und dalks with Mrs.
Loeb und de first ding l know she ex-
cuses herself und fans und lifts her nose
init de air, und goes away. Den see dat
de oder beople do de same ding, und Ra-
chel Stein, vot dinks she knows efery
ding, asks me eff efer use bay rum. Old
Mrs. Goldstein den goes we're my wife vas
und says someding und Leah comes und
sits init me und shifts init her nose q
couple uf times, und vispers und SAYS,
We're haf you been?' l dells her don't
haf been any we're, und she shifts some
more und says: Reuben, don't dink
you smell like you vas belong to de Uni
ted States All de beople in the barlor
vas looking At each oder und smelling,
und saying it would be more pleasant II
all de doors und windows vas open. Leah
makes me come out init de back-room.
und wants to know we're / find dot shmell
vat l brings in de barlor, und dells her
vat it vas. She gets shust 80 mad rs q
vet hen, und says I disgrace de whole
family, und dells her dot if de beople
don't like vat puts on my head dey can
go de house away. Dot makes Leah
twice 90 mad as before, und she says dot
if l don't 60 wash my head dot she breaks
de barty up und Nose will 60 home nit
his fiddle. Dot vos how de trouble vas
started, Herman, und de whole uf de
night after We vas in bed Leah keeps me
awake delling me dot If / pays more at
tention to society und learns how to be-
have dot will look better ven l goes to
a barty."
Herman wanted to smile at the recit Al
Of Hoffenstein's story, but he was wise en-
ough not TO do 90, and pleased the old
old man by saying that some people were
too fastidious and put on too much style
to be agreeable.-M O. Times Democrat