The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1885-10-17
ALLEGED WIT.

EAGLES do not bring forth pigeons"
says an old proverb. They do If they
get their grip on them.-Boston Post.
THE Sunday School scholar who rar
home to tell her text, Evil cucumbers
currupt bananas" was not more
needless than many tired little lescholars
at school.
UsTOMER-"Hav you some i'm
ported cigars ?" New Clerk-"Not lust
now, but We shall have in about an
hour. The printer around the corner
is at work on the labels now" ."-Chica-
go News.
HAVE you any kids?" inquired
young lady of the new clerk in a glove
sore. "Not yet" said the clerk, with
a blush; II haven't been married but
three weeks. ."-Newmap (Ga.) Inde-
pendent.
SISTER Anne: 'Mow, Ethel be sure
and pray God to make you good
girl" Ethel (praying:) "Dear bod,
pleath try and make me a dood little
dirl, and if at firtht you don't thuc-
theed, why twy, twy again"
BABY cries, and is sent to a side
table. Papa says: when you have
a beard you can sit with papa" The
house cat jumps up familiarly beside
him. Baby (furiously:) Jump
down? You have a beard. Go eat
with papa"
POLDOOdY-I saw your name in the
bicycle race last Tuesday. Did you
ride? Ponsonby-O, yes. was all
there. did you break the record ?"
"No, but Icame the next thing to doing
it." "How was that?" 81 broke the
bicycle. "-Philadelphia Call.
"WHAr you want" said the barber,
as he ran his fingers through the few
remaining hairs on the head OF a GUS
tomer-''what you want is bottle OF
my hair restorer." ''What | want"
replied the customer, ''is a divorce" "
And the barber saidno more.-BOstOn
Courier.
IT is told of on old-fashioned rail
road man that, when it was suggested
to him that he ought to put on more
trains to relieve the few which were al
ready ia service, he replied, with fine
show of impatience: "What good
would that do? They'd fill 'em allup,
lust as they do the others "
81 AM Just as much opposed to tip
pling as anybody" said Henderson;
''but, nevertheless, liquor rightly used
is a blessing to humanity. When l
was i'll last winter, | actually believe it
saved my life" Fogg-"Very likely;
but how does that prove that liquor
Is a blessing to humanity ?"-BostOn
transcript.
A LOOK OF pain is on his face, the
guileless boy Is wild with grief; smarts
he beneath some black disgrace? Is
there no balm for his relief? All, no!
His woe is deeper far than any balm
or healing reaches. He stole the pan
try key from ma and ate up all her
unripe peaches.-LynB Union.
CUSTOMER (indignantly)-See here,
you've swindled mel You said that
chicken was young, and it's tough as
leather! Young woman (pertly)-Can
you guess how old | ann Customer
(bewilderedl - Eh - what? Well
should say sixteen. Young woman
(triumphantly)- Just sixteen You
wouldn't call me old, would you?
Well, | raised that chicken myself, and
l know that it isn't more than half as
old as | am!
COUNSEL flor the prosecution)-G
Will admit that your client was In
Boston at the time the affair occurred?
Counsel (for the defendant) No, Sir.
Counsel-You will admit that your
client was in Boston about the time
the affair occurred Counsel-NO, Sir.
COunsel-You will at least admit that
there is such a place as Boston? COun-
sci (emphatically)-No, Sir. If the
prosecution wishes to establish IN evl-
dence that such a place as Boston ex-
lists, II has got to prove 1t. We admit
nothing.
"'YEs," said the honest farmer, 81
know there are people what always
puts the big apples on the top OF the
bar'l, but | don't" That's right"
exclaimed the deacon admiringly. II
have always tried to convince folks
that that sort o'thing doesn't pay in
the long run" "If they'd 90 to the
city once in a while they'd learn some.
thing. I always put my big apples at
the bottom of the barl." That's
the way" Eyes; you see people has
got so suspicious that they most al
ways open the bar'l at the bottom
nowadays. Wait.
BOBBY" said his mother, "there
are two pieces of cakein the closet, one
for you and one for Oracle. The one
on the lower shelf is for you" Bobby
broke for the closet and presently
returned. "You said that the piece on
the upper shelf was for me, didn't
you?" he asked his mother. "NO,"
She replied, "That is Gracie's. The
piece on the lower shelf is yours"
F'Well, Pm very sorry, mamma, but |
ate Gracie's. But III tell you what III
do" and a generous light shone IN the
dear little boys eyes, "as soon as
Oracle comes home pllgive her part OF
mine. New York Times.
"SoME twenty years ago." said the
mild-faced stranger, ''my wife, while
sewing, suddenly missed her needle. She
sawnOthing more OF it and soon forgot
all about her loss until last week, when
-" ''When she suddenly felt pricking
sensation in her right foot" suggested
Doodle "When the point OF the nee
die showed itself between her shoulder
blades" guessed Coodle. "When the
needle was seen protruding from her
Youngest daughters left forefinger,"
intimated Doodle. "No," said the
mild-faced stranger, "you are all
wrong. She found it in a crack in the
floor. 1t had been there all those
years. Singular, wasn't 2" There
was a common desire to welter in the
blood OF the mild-faced stranger, but,
with difficulty, Doodle, Coodle and
Doodle restrained themselves.-BOs-
ton Transcript.