Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1885-10-09
MY LAST REHEARSAL.

Probably the theory Of evolution
never received a more practical illus
tration, physically and mentally, than
in nv case. For whereas l am now
portly, sedate, well TODD father OF 9
family, church warden, overseer ano
guardian of my parish, some thirty
wears ago | was slender, harum
scarum bachelor, impecunIous, anc
ready at a moments notice for any
folly which might present itself TO my
sxcitable and mercurial temperament
Vicious, / certainly was not, but
merely thoughtless and inconsIderate
NV name is Matthews, and L was
christened Charles, after my uncle,
from whom my father had pecunlary
expectations. The late Charles Reade
was undcniably right when he said
that versatility never pays. was
fair baritone singer, a clever carica-
turist and admirable mimic, and en-
ioyed great renown as an amateur
actor. Yet Mt the age of twenty live
/ was entirely dependent on my father
for the necessaries Of life and pocket
money. My largest creditor at this
time was my tailor, to whom L was
pounds -four shillings and sixpence.
Unless my father 'stumped up" had
as much chance of being able to pay
the national debt as of defraylng this
amount. For some reason or other
NV father proved unusually obstinate
at this juncture and declined to do
ANYTHING in the matter; | remember
he described his conduct as tirmness.
| have omitted to mention that l was
in love with very pretty but portion
less young lady Of the name OF Walk
or. My father characterized this CIR.
cumsLance as another sample of my
thouyhtlessness and perverslty, as
among my acquaintance were several
young ladies with tolerable fortunes.
had quasl-rival for Miss Walkers
good graces, of the name OF Nobbs.
lie was so very plain and unpleasant
in his manners that | entertained no
fears of being ousted by HIM, and &C
cOrdingly we were very good friends.
lie employed the same tailor Binks)
as myself. and one memorable morn
ing Mr.. hobbs came to me and told
me that Binks had issued q writ
against me for the amount of my debt
The law against debtors at that date
was more stringent than it Is al
present, and | determined to leave
London and go into hiding for
time, until could prevail upon my
wealthy uncle to relieve me of Binks
claim. ! had few pounds in my
pocket, and informed Nobbs that
would start mt once for asmall water
ing place which | will here call Sea
mouth" | had never been there, but
had heard good account Of it from 8
friend who had found it cheap, qule
and salubrious. In an hour l had my
modest portmanteau packed (Which
had my name duly inscribed on 8
brass plate thereon), and was ste4m'
ing at the rate of thirty miles an hour
for the nearest posta town to Sea-
mouth. When | left the train | founC
there was coach about to start fol
Seamouth, n distance of eight miles
After an hours drive | was deposited
1T the door of the Red Lion" | was
not much puzzled as to the choice Of
my hotel. for the "Red Lion" was the
only inn III the place. Seam0uth con-
sisted apparently of one long, strag'
CLING street, with q few detached
houses on the outskirts. AT the dis
lance of hundred yards the open sea
tumbled and tossed on the shingly
beach. In ten minutes | felt as if
had done Seamouth, and contem-
plated with some feelings of dlsmay a
heightened residence in this secluded
spot. | had already secured bed
room. left my portmanteau and or
dered steak and access cries prior to
my stroll around the place. AS cross
ed the entrance hall To the coffee
room | found myself the Object OF
special obsel Walton by the staff of the
hotel. The rubicund bopiface saluted
me with broad grin, the Anticipated
waiter smlrlled in peculiar fashion
rs he fastened to open the door of the
coffee room, while a housemaid on the
stairs was evidently much more oc-
cupled in studying my personal ap>
pearauce than sweeping the carpeted
stairs. 4 half length of what was
evidently the cook peered from the re-
gionS below. l was about to seat my
self at one OF the tables when the host
advanced, and with very deferential
bow, begged that | would accept the
offer of private room. Anticipating
my objection, he went on to say that
no extra expense would be incurred
in consequence. So few minutes
saw me engaged in discussing a juicy
steak, some mealy potatoes, hsuked
by q tanksrd of nut-brown ale, with
an obssquious waiter as my sole atteu.
dant. | determined To write TO my
uncle immediately after dinner, as my
slender purse would soon be exhaust.
ed in defraying the cost of my presen,
luxury. AS the waiter placed an apple
tart on the table he remarked: "
think this your first visit to Seamouth,
sir9" l replied in the affirmative mut
teriug soto roce, ''and also my last. y
"Seamouth appears to be very
sleepy kind Of place" The old waiter
drew himself up, apparently resentine
the stigma on the little watering place
Very quiet, sir, but very select. But
VIC shall be very lively now yoa have
honored us with visit SIR" 1 failed
to perceive how the presence of fugi
tive debtor could add to the cheerful
ness of any place. But Imade no reply
considering the compliment would be
charged for in the bill. "It's hastonish
ing, sir, what difference the theatre
makes when it is hopen." But Sea,
mouth cannot support theatre, I re,
piled. mo, sir; honly when star
comes; remember, when was boy,
seeing Mr.. Macready hact here, and
people came from far and near to see
I'm. Our yard was full of traps OF
hevery description, and so it will be
hon Thursday next when Charles
Matthews makes his happearance.
As he said thess words the old waiter
made profound genufiection and left
the room. A light dawned upon me
my name was identical with that o.
the great comedian. The waiter hac
read the name on the brass plate Of
my trunk, and l had been mistaken
for the coming man. Twas chuckliNs
over the singular error, and had re
solved to disabuse the staff of the 'sRec
Lion" accordingly, whose curious re,
Of L. IL