McCook weekly tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 188?-1886, 1885-05-28
Daniel o'connell and Biddy MORT

When Daniel O'Connel was yet a
young man his talent for vituperative
language was so great that he was
deemed matchless as a scold. There
lived in Dublin certain woman, Biddy
Moriarty by name, who kept huckster
stall on one of the quays nearly oppo-
site the Four Courts. She was first
class virago formidable with both fist
and tongue-so that her voluble i'm
pudence had become almost proverbial
in the country roundabout.
Some of O'Connel's friends thought
that he could defeat her with her own
weapons, while others ridiculed the
idea. The Kerry barrister could not
stand this; SO he backed himself for q
match. Bets were offered, and taken,
and it was decided that the matter
should be settled at once. So proceed
ing to the huckster's stall with few
friends O'Connell commenced the at
tack on the old lady.
whats the price of this walking
stick, Mrs. Whats-your- name?"
"Moriarty, sir, is my name, and a
good one it is; and what have you to
say egin il? and one and six pence's the
price of the stick. Troth it's chape as
dirt, so it is"
zone and -sixpence for walking
stick; whew! Why, you are no better
than an impostor to ask eighteen pence
fo,. hat ooct Won two -
1.-TWO pence, your grandmother. re-
piled Mrs. Biddy. "Do you name to
say that's chatting the people 1 am?
Impostor, mdeed!"
CAY. impostor and it's that call you
to your teeth" rejoined O'Connen.
"Come, cut your stick, you cantanker-
Gus jackanapes.
Keep civil tongue in your head,
you old diagonal" cried O'Connell,
calmly.
"Stop your jaw, you pug nosed
badger, or by this and that" cried Mrs.
Moriarty, "Ill make you go quicker nor
you came"
Don't be in passion, my old radius
anger will only wrinkle your beauty"
''By the hockey, if you say another
word of impudence, I'd tan your dirty
hide, YOU bastely common scrub; and
sorry I'd be to soil my fists upon your
carcase."
"Whew boys, what a passion old Bid
dy is Ill; [ protest as l am gentleman
"Jintleman! jintleman! the likes of
you jintleman! Wisha, by gor, that
bangs Banager. Why, you potato-fa faced
pippin- sneezer, when did a NADIA
gascar monkey like you pick enough of
common Christian decency to hide your
Kerry brogue?"
easy now-easy now," cried O'Con-
nell, with imperturbable good humor:
don't choke yourself with fine Ian
guage, you old whiskey- drinking paral-
telegram"
What's that you call me, you MUIR
derin' villain?" roared Mrs. Moriartv,
stung with fury.
"I call you," answered O'Connell, "a
parallelogram; and Dublin judge and
jury Will say that it's no libel to call
you So"
ooh, tare- an-ouns! oh, holy Biddy!
that an honest woman like me should be
called parry bellygrum to her face.
I'm none of your parrybellygrums, you
rascally gallows bird; you cowardly,
sneaking, plate lickin' bliggard!"
ooh, not you, indeed!"h retorted
O'Connell; "why, I suppose you'll deny
that you keep hypotilenuse in your
house."
cts lie for you, you by robber;
I never had such thing in my house,
swindling thief"
) "Why, sure all your neighbors know
very we'll that you keep not only a
hypothenuse, but that you have two
diameters locked up in your garnet,
and that you go out to walk with
them every Sunday, you heartless old
heptagon.
ooh, hear that, ye saints in glory!
Oh, there's bad language from fellow
that wants to pass for a jintleman. May
the devil fly away with you, you wicher
from Munster. and make celery-sauce of
your rotten limbs, you mealy- mouthed
tub of CUTS"
! "Ah, you can't deny the charge, you
miserable sub-multiple of duplicate
ratio"
! GO, rinse your mouth in the Lihey,
you nasty ticklepitcher; after all the bad
words you speak it ought to be filthier
than your face, you dirty chicken of
iBeelzebub.
j "Rinse your own mouth. you wicked
minded polygon-to the deuce I pitch
you, you clustering intersection of
st-ng superficies!"
"You saucy tinker's apprentice, if you
don't cease your jaw I'll" But here
she gasped for breath, unable to hawk
up any more words, for the last volley
OF O'Connell had nearly knocked the
wind out of her.
"While 1 have tongue I'll abuse
you, you most inimitable periphery.
Look at her, boys! there she stands-a
convicted perpendicular in petticoats!
There's contamination in her circum-
ference, and she trembles with guilt
down to the extremities of her corollar-
les. All! you're found out, you rectl-
linear antecedent and equiangular old
bag! TITS with you the devil will fly