Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-09-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A big diamond-The baseball field
Life.
."Stck to it" as the fly paper observed
to the fly Graphic.
Guns are only human, after all. They
will kick when the load becomes too
heavy.-Merchant- 7rareLer.
When barber seeks to make himself
socable with a customer in the chair, he
is only "scraping an acquaintance.
~ catch on" was probably what the
fish said when he took the baited hook.
"He weighed five pounds" was proba-
bly, the lie told by the fisherman. De-
trOH Free Press.
Dude-"You love me then, Miss
LYDIA" Lydia-'Lovei is perhaps some
what too much to say. At least have
sympathy for you, because your face re-
sembes so much that of my poor dead
Fido."
Some Eastern poetess asks the conun-
drum: "Oh, where does beauty linger2f
Our office hours are from eight to six;
mornings Moons and evenings generally
at home, or out walking with the family.
-Pec&S Sun.
Little Bcss to gentleman caller: "You
amt black, are ou, Mr.. M" "Black,
child9-why no, should hope not.
What made you think l was" "Oh,
nothin', cept pa said YOU was awful mig
gardly. y Burlington Free Press.
Some one says "only one woman in
thousand can whistle" Every once in
a while during the heated term, and
when the whole world looks dismal and
dreary, some bright ray of hope descends
to cheer the hearts of men.
General Washington went fishing at
least once. And on that occasion he
caught trout at least four inches long.
While down at the corner grocery in the
evening, after returning from his angling
tour, he was asked how much the trout
weighed, when he uttered those memor-
able words, viz. 81 cannot tell lie. 1t
weighed seventeen and half pounds"
-N07YistowR Herald.
She'd lovely little pug
With a very ugly mug;
And she nursed it, and she coddled it, and
kissed it;
She said it was so sweet
1t was good enough to eat
But, alas! one day it happened that she
missed it,
She hunted everywhere,
And she advertised, but ne'er
Did she more set eyes upon that canine
wilmer;
But at last she traced its fate,
And found, cruel to relate,
He'd been eaten by laundryman OF China.
Boston Gazette.
It is said of the Boston girl who got
lost up in the CatskillS the other day
that she shouted in an intellectual tone
of voice: 81 require assistance from some
honorable man of culture and refine
ment." When the farmer who found
her was leading her back to the hotel
she asked him if he was regular sub
scriber to the atlantic Monthly, and if
he had read "Natural Laws of the Spiri-
tual world" And when he said NO"
she forgot to thank him for his assist
ance e-NeW York Mail.
THE LocUsT's FATE.
A low locust sat in high locust tree,
. And he sang to his mate, "Zeezee, zeezee:
It's many a year since I've seen the bright
, sun;
It's many year since I've had any fun;
And, my dear, If don't paint everything
2 red,
1t will be zee zee
Now you see, zee zee,
Because every green leaf in the country is
deadp
But sparrow sat up in the same locust
tree;
And much oftener cussed than the locust
was he.
, And he said to his mate, "There's bug over
there
r Such nice little morsel for fond loving
pair;
, Just wait here minute, and I'll take the
boy in.
d Now don't tslip-chip-chip-
t Amt he -chip-chip-"
, And when they were through there was left
but skin.
o Washington Star.