The National tribune., 1885-10-08
She Became a Mormon.

81 don't say as approve of Mormonism,"
observed the old man as he chewed away at a
fresh qud but l owe one o them ere Nor
mon Elders a debt of gratitude 1 kin never
pay"
"How's that? ?" asked one of the group.
"Waal, j don't mind tellin' ye the sarcum-
stance to while away the time. Long bout
20 years ago. when had some shape to me, a
widder up in the Chenango Valley got stuck on
me. | WAS mashed on her. 1t was q sort of
mutual fire insurance company. Two hours
after / first sot eyes on her she sguoze my hand
| responded by hugging her waist. She called
me her deary. l called her my dovey. Dang
my buttons if We wasn't engaged in less'n five
hours,"
"Was she nice?"
"Um! She was an angel! For about four
weeks l was the happiest man in York State
1t seemed as if / trod on air half the time
Bmeby dark shadder got UP and bumped
itself across my azure sky"
"What was it?"
"Why. diskivered that the widder had her
faults. She had temper like an old meat ak ;
she smoked pipe; she walked in her sleep;
she believed in dreams. We had q little tiff,
same as all lovers. and she picked up an old
scythe and run me half mile. Then begun
to claw off,"
Wanted to break, eh?"
The wust way. She begged my pardon and
WIS the nobest Roman on earth, but insisted
that the silver cord was busted. Then she sued
me for breach o promise-damages, $4,000"
"That was tough"
ayes. I sweat over it like yoke o. cattle
drawin' in hay. The day the suit was to be
called driv down to the depot to take the train
for the COuntyseat, and / found her there.
She come right up an shook hands as if nothin'
had happened and when we went into the cars
she says, says she:
"'John Henry, 'tain't your money I'm after,
but it's you I want
az But you can't have me, Lucy Ann / an.
swers.
"'Mebbe not, but you had no right to prom
ise me-
"Waal, purity soon looked down the car and
/ spies a Mormon Elder. / kn0wed he was,
cause I'd seen him in Attica. He was a mis-
sionary, sent ont to gather in the harvest. The
harvest had been mighty slim, and he looked
as glum as a grasshopper left behind the drove.
l goes over to him and softly says:
Elder, what of the canse?'
"'Tis glorious one.' lie answers
"' And the convcrts?'
GO Rather skeerce.'
say, Elder do you want to make hun
dred dollars and fustclass convert at the same
timer | axed him.
- If it ar the Lords WILL he solemnly an
swcrs
Waai. L sent him over to talk to Lucy Ann,
and i'll - minutes she whistles TO me. / goes
over, and they was squeezing hands and iookin'
everlastB' bliss into each others orhs.
John Henry, says she, "a widder woman
may want money, but she wants second hus-
band wuss. Let's dicker.'
"' How much to squelch the suit, Lucy?"
Gimme two hundred2' In 20 minutes
had it all fixed, and in three days she headed
west with the Elder"
Ever hear OF her afterward?"
Slightly. Ab0uta year after met the Elder
over i'll the Mohawk Valley. He wouldn't speak
to me-
Whence this disdain?' says I, as I driv
him into a fence corner
"'A Alas!' sgbs he, but you were too good.
She broke my jaw, busted my harem, and
kicked SO much OF the stuflin' out of Brigham
Goung's Bible that we can't find huff Scriptur'
to hold aprayer meetin' OH. Go away, designin'
yilain-ge way
And / went"