Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1885-10-03
Saturday Smiles.

Altoona street cars should have placards to
this effect: "ThiS can't wait for ladies to
kiss goodbye. "-Ahoona Tribune.
The "mashers'' are said to be going out and
the 'mowers" coming in. A mower is an ex-
quisite who swings his cane like q scythe as he
walks alOng.-NeO York Tribune
Old Block Frank Hatton has fourteen-year-
old chip PA, said he the other day, "I've made
up my mind where would like to go to college"
boy?" .'To Vassar," said the precocious child.
.Humphr calculated the proud father;
..darned ii 1 wouldn't like to go there myself
Waterbury american.
The funny feilow-the fool who delights in
wearing girls hat when he goes to a picnic
has been written up time and again, but no
melancholy gentleman. This type OF man really
sees no trouble. He has no notes in bank, but
he stands around and looks as though a sim
cursed world had thrown all its responsibilities
on his shOulders--ArkansdW Irareler.
"What shall play for you, Reginald?" asked
the fair young graduate of the musical college.
Anything you please replied the gilded
"Do you love Sullivan"
81 do replied the musical enthusiast. che
can slug the head OFT Mccartney every time."-
NeU York Tribune.
~ am very tired" said the lady at the head
of the boarding house table, Monday morning
other end. "You should not be" said the par
son; "you didn't preach a sermon yesterday"
NO" said the lady, almost nneonsciously;
pressive silence, which gave the minister time
TO reflect that he had come out only second
best-Philadeiphia Bulletin.
George lin the moonlight)-"I was at the base
ball game this afternoon, Clara, and l bet"
Clara reproachfullyi-"Oh, George, can you
speak of base ball on night like this? Rather
let Us turn our thoughts from earthly things to
the perfect beauty Of the sky above. How
wonderful is"
Georg e. was only going to say bet oys-
Clara returning to earth)H"Oh, George,
what night 1t is for oysters.'-Onlaha Bee.
De man whut's got er whole lot er little conn
pifshInents doan ermount ter much. De trick
mule ain no count ter work.-Arkansas Ifav-
eter.
The silver dollars are becoming more and
more nuisance. For particulars don't s'see
small bills .-LOWeU Courier.
What do we owe Thomas Jefferson?" asks q
New York newspaper writer. As Thomas
never kept a bar, you probably don't owe him
anything.-Loutscitie Cburier-journai
Newport Is noted q fashionable divorce
resOrt-Ptasturg Commercial.
The New York plumbers have demanded a
reduction of hours, except, of course the noon
hOur.-Loutsriiie Coarier-Journal.
The remarkable tendency in this state tn
nominate bachelors To the highest Office is due.
over the people that married men cannot GOV.
ern. The family is the school Of the state
Albany Times.
In a police court the other day the iudpe
asked: "Prisoner at the bar. is there anyIthige
you wish to say before sentence Is passed unon
your The prisoner looked wistfuliy toward
say '.GOOd evening"" Ii 1t would be agreeable 10
| the company.-St0e and Leather Reporter.
| Six OF one aud halfa-doZen of the other
Aother-"Mercy, children what are YOU MAX
ing such q noise for?' Children's Chorus
| "Why, to keep the baby quiet, mammal
| Udper's Buzar.
| Young lady very stoutl-Ah me! It's the wav
OF the world, Mr.. Featherly. We are here to
day and gone tomorrow. One after anOih OF
those who play famous parts on this earth die
and pass away. The last Is Jumbo! Poor
| Jumbo! The news OF his death affected me
| strangely, because-because-
| Mr.. Featherly tgaliantly getting In the old
loket-Er-oecause you are not feeling very well
/ yourseif:-NesD York Suh.
| Mr.: Duscnberry."My dear, where are ali
| my silk neckties?"
| Mrs. Dusenberry-"I used them In nv crazy
quilt put on the one you wore yesterday"
| have IA weakness for ties, / notice. By tha
| lot" Wa WV s'sAs'o''
.What. tiess"
| eyes. At Ieasta dray load of Them"
| "Good gracious, M Dusenberry. And lust q
little worm
| "Yes."
what kind OF ties are theye"
! Railroad ties my dear."-Ehflddelpht0 Gull
| Clarence" said Miss Penelope Waldo. q Bos
| ton young woman, "didn't hear you say tha
/ ON Shanx's horses?" "You did," said CiarencI
| gloomily. "Weil, don't you think, Clarence,
| continued Miss Penelope quietly, 'stnce Mr.
| Shank Is so kind that he would let You have
his horses occasionally TO take me for . driver
| And Clarence groaned In anguish as he reflected
/ how utterly impossible IL would be for HIM 4
/ disclose the ipdeutitY Of Mr.. Shank-LLfh