News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-04-23
THE LTME-KILN CLUB.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM PARA.
Disc HALL.
Envy Steals into the Quiet 1TeefinR Room,
and Three Prominent Members Lose
their Positions.

!
their Positions.
The excitement which has prevailed
among certain of the older members Of
the club came to q climax Saturday
evening. What occasioned the excite
ment was kept profound secret among
a dozen, but it may be stated here that
the rumpus was kicked mp by Prof.
Sunhower Smythe, a local member with
harelip and toes turning in.
For some weeks past the professor has
hankered for an official position, and
failing to secure recognition of his mer-
its, he organized conspiracy to de.
throne Brother Gardner. By circulat-
ing many false statements, and by forg-
ing the names of several individuals to
false documents, he enlisted the sympa-
thies of Elder Antimony Swift, Deacon
Cohort Davis and Judge Cutoff KEN
perberry. He approached Huckleberry
Tompkins with the plan, and even went
so far as to offer him new ffty-cent
door-mat to join the conspiracy, but
Brother Tompkins was true blue, and
gave the whole affair away.
When the meeting was called to order
the three conspirators were in their
seats, entirely unsuspicious of the sand
club which was hanging over their
heads, while the president, Sir Isaac
Walpole, Waydown Bebee, and others
in the ring, carried very serious counte-
nGnces. The plot of the conspirators
was not yet fully ripe. Prof. Smythe
was just settling himself down to sound
Elder Toots in the matter, when
Brother Gardner rose up and said:
Envy am de parent of half de WICK
edness in dis world. One of de fust
principles of human natur' am to be-
grudge some odder pusson's good luck,
but de mint common sense am called in
fur consultation dis envy disappears
except in isloated cases.
"We envy de rich, while it am p'raps
our own fault entirely dat we am not
classed among 'em.
"We envy talent, an yet we am
fo'ced to acknowledge to ourselves dat
we frew away our opportunities.
"Find me man who am down on his
fellowman on gineral principles an I'll
show We chap who orter be in State
Prison by de same rule.
"De Lawd put us heah fur each to
make his own way. De field am world
wide, wild plenty of room fur all. If one,
by his applicashun, perseverance, in
tegrity an determination, towers above
de QUE who waits fur luck an feeds his
soul on envy, any conspiracy to pull him
down should be sot down on by all
good men. Brudders Smythe, Swift
an Davis, should like to see de three
of you at de foot of the grand staircase.
Dar' am a leetle matter dat I wish to
discuss in private.
The trio of conspirators were evidently
greatly surprised at the request, but
suspected nothing and followed the
President down stairs. AS no one else
was permitted to follow, it may never
be known what happened on the land
ing. What the meeting heard may,
however, throw some general light upon
the subject.
l. Yells of terror.
2. Sounds of heels striking the walls.
3. Sounds of cloth being ripped and
torn, and boot heels striking the fence
on the other side of the alley.
4. Bump-kerchunk-thud-deep ST.
lence.
5. The echoes of the toe of No. 13
boot striking against coat tails.
Soon after these aforementioned sounds
had died away Brother Gardner entered
the room with sweet smile on his face,
and walked straight to his seat without
word. There was blood on his lefG o...,
the polish was worn off his right boot,
and one end of his collar was unbut-
toned, but this might have happened to
any man who had fallen down stairs.
"Misser President, shall 1 cross de
three names off de book ?'' asked the
Secretary.
"De Char reckons you may" was the
answer, San we will now take up de
regular bill O. fare"