The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-10-01
THE MERRY SIDE!

The great motto of the Democratic hosts is
"P. NJ" 1t stands for "Poor Me-"
When Parson Talmage speaks of his "Cabled
Sermons he means "Gobbled Sermons"
The weather reports say PORTSMOUTH clear
week.
Oh, Halstead, keep still! What the deuce
does a Methodist Bishop know about your
veracity.
A Cincinnati paper heads article 'whole-
sale Lying" Cincinnati is noted for its large
wholesale trade.
Friends. don't urge the Leonardites to vote
the Democratic ticket straight. It's bad enough,
the wav il is.
A swarm of bees took possession of Wash
ington Church. They were doubtless after the
girls in the choir.
The only Democratic recommendation is
about like this: "We've been just onery as
we knew how-now try us again.
Durbin Ward should leave the political field
in disgust. He has been kicked by the Demo
Gratis and slapped by the Republicans.
The Cleveland badge is said to be patch in
the seat of the pantaloons. The Cleveland
badge covers great Democratic principle.
Valentine Fritch, Cincinnati man, was cut
in the abdomen, and went crazy. Who would
have thought that his brains were there?
Since Prohibition went into effect in Kansas
the hog cholera has invaded the State. But it
is the four-legged hogs that are dying.
*a*
A man hearing of a Natural Gas explosion in
Pittsburgh, innoce ntly inquired If there were
many at the meeting. He thought it was
political speech.
Deshler Ohio, has had four elopements in two
weeks. This things extendi ng. Good by,
friends, you may not see us again, but it will be
no use to write!
John Oestermeier, of Pittsburgh, Pa, was
ground to dust In a rock machine. This will
suggest new idea to those in favor of crema-
tion.
The minister urged every member TO "put his
hand down into his pocket" when the sub
scription paper went around. He did it. He
kept it there!
Boys, we can clean out the Democrats. easy
Democrat down-but remember, boys, he's
tough, awful tough!
The Democratic Postmaster, at Spencer, West
Va, had to resign on account of in competency.
Thus it seems that Democrat may be 'of-
fensively partisan"
Gen. Miles proposes to make it so hot in New
Mexico that hostile Indians cannot stay there.
But when the Indians come he will probably
be Miles away.
Mrs. O'Neil, of Pottsville, Pa, was annoyed
by her Aunt Betty Keefe. She couldn't bear to
scoId Aunt Betty, so she got drunk and chopped
the old lady's head off with an ak.
A Cincinnati paper, telling of the big Repub-
lican meeting at that place, tells of the 'remark-
able attendance and enthusiasm of ladies' ,
Yes, but they don't count.
*.*
"a hotel-keeper at Akron fails =. says the tee-
graph. Thousands of them fail, and there is
nothing said about it, as the traveller who waits
half an hour for cold breakfast can testify.
80
DR.. Temple of Danville Va. concluded tc
whip Capt. Wise, for the honor of the Dan
Villains But he paused in his un-wse course
for the destruction of the Temple was foretold
The editor of the Roxbury, Mass, Gazette
| went crazy and killed himself. 1t is supposed
that large number of his subscribers came in
and paid up, voluntarily, which SO unsettled
the poor man as to prove fatal.
-.+
"Mark w. Townsend, of Wisconsin, shot and
killed his wife, then gave himself up to Justice
Keene.'. That's right, in SO far as giving him
self up is concerned. Now let Justice be sc
| keen as to string him UP.
| +.+
| "We meet Democrats almost daily who say
| they will not vote for Hoadly," says the Gal
lipolis Journal. When you meet one of those
fellows, Bro. Nash, just pat him on the bach
and say nothing. He won't do to bet on.
| An Indiana man named John Crawford car
ried worm in his head fourteen months be
fore getting it out. This "puzzles physicians
although many a man has carried snakes in hi
stomach for forty years, with little inconven
ience.
We believe the rules governing the prize-rins
allow one contestant to strike anotzer 'as soor
as his knees leave the ground, after a knock
down." That's a good rule That's good rule
A prize-fghter ought to be knocked onto hi
knees and kept there.
Tom Hyland, the Columbus policeman who
murdered his wife and shot himself is recover
ing, and will be arrested for murder. Thi
knocks the old maxim, that "a man who il
born to be hung will never be shot,"
|
Peter Sheets, of Tifin, Ohio, is in trouble
Every night stone and a ball of fire are thrown
through the window. He sees them plainly
but can't catch the fellow that throws them
The probability is that Peter has been running
over a chair and looking at the moon.
The young man called upon his girl, wearing
one of those bob-tailed coats with strap ano
buckle, that the dudish youth delights in. Thu
little sister of the young lady eyed the beau sus
piciously for a time, then in a loud whisper, ex
pressive of extreme disgust, said: "Say, Mary
he's wearin' his undershirt for coat!"
So
"a storm of wind and hail in Tuscarawa
| county" Well, we've warned you. If yol
don't quit voting the Democratic ticket
cyclone will strike you, sure. In fact tina
Washington storm was probably intended TO
you.
At Muncie, Indiana. Mrs. Woodwork ha'
one hundred people in a trance at one time, a
one of her meetings. This is remarkable Onl.
as to numbers. We never saw one hundred a
one time, our observation of the sleepers onl.
extending to three or four old deacons, asleel
in the s.amen" corner.
Friends, don't bank on Democratic disaffec
ton. A Democrat may have the smallpox, b
may break up financially, he may become
social outcast in fact he may endure all man
ner of earthly ills-but he always votes. Yo
can't discourage man who has been defeate
for twenty four years.
A half-dozen employees of the B. & o., il
Washington were too lazy TO cut down a tire
near the track, when ordered to do it. BIT
maybe the fact that two determined ladies wel
sighting shot-guns at them from two windows
had something to do with it. woman
! tongue is dangerous enough, but when backe
by shotgun, it should be left alone.
A man may plant himself squarely upon III
principle of Prohibition, and challenge debat
without any fea~, for there is no one TO d1spu