Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-04-02
PATENT MEDICINES.
The Allurcments of Printers Ink. mr.
How TO Place Them Before
the Public.

The patent medicine man who know
the public, who understands the allure
ments OF print, knows the art of arrano
ing deceptive advertisements. Years ao,
a simple announcement was enough r.
bring medicine into notoriety; but il
those days people believed in captivating
print.
The advertiser must now adopt some
mode of deception. He has learned q,
at least has come to believe, that the peo-
pie, look upon advertising as an AMUSING
dodge. This belief has caused advertise.
ments OF great display to sink into disre-
pute. The man who desires to sell soma
thing must not only show the s,lperior;ty
OF his goods, but must illustrate the pleas
ures which the public shall exner;anco
by dropping into his house. Professor
Stages, who has carefully considered oil
these polnts-a gentleman whose medi-
c!ne Is known all over the country, de-
slres us to insert for him several hnndrod
dollars, worth of advertisements. Con
sequently-without farther excnsa wo
submit the following:
frederick William may have objected
10 any one teaching his son Latin, a fact
Whlch Is transmitted to us by able histor-
lans, but Notwithstanding adverse cir
cumstances, no one could keep him from
taxing Stages Proficient Projectiles.''
Oh, remarked Sam Johnson, INV
misfortune is great. From the parents
whom love, have inherited scrofula.
am sufferer among men, laughing
stock among women. Why did not my
people take Staggs's Lymphthic Lasin-
gers ?"
" Frederick the Great, in an address
to his troops, said: My me-my fellow
men-lt is with the most profound graft
tude that l address you. The fortunes of
war are indeed fitful, but the cordial pre-
pared by Professor Stages is as enduring
as the cookie burr on the back of a
black sheep. Dark clouds have come
over us, but don't forget to take Stages
Municipal Geewhilikenism. The bright
sun rises in the west and sets in the east,
but my dear people, don't lose sight of
this medicine. My government was be-
set by foes, my kindred were suffering
under the influence of nostalgia, but
when was persuaded by my druggist to
swallow half pint of Stages Epluribus
Unum Confirmation Nuggets, the saw
mill shook off its lethargy and proceeded
to do its work with neatness and tele-
graph"
Several years ago my son was law.
He objected to getting up in the morning
and making fire. The doctors gave up
hope, but three doses of Stages Hilarious
Hot Helper caused a complete change.
Now the soft youth arises at morning and
splits kindling wood 1 would advise all
parents whose children are similarly af-
fected to use the same remedy"
"Gibbon incurred the displeasure of
many learned men, although he estab-
lished reputation among historical
thinkers. His structures upon Paul were
trifle severe, yet in after days Millman
attempted to show that Gibbon was
wrong, and that he should have taken
other medicine, when we all know that
the Wingless Wormifuge of Professor
Stages would have smote him in the
neighborhood where it would have done
the most good"
Life, said the ancient philosopher,
lis uncertain 1t is unnecessary for a
modern writer to attempt a refutation of
this assertion, for we all know that it is
true, still there is way by which we can
avoid death. Take Stages Lightning
Laughers. Price ST.
''It is said by men who accept holy
writ that Solomon was the wisest man
who ever lived. We will not attempt to
dispute this, but we all must acknowledge
that he would have been much wiser had
he taken Stages Stomach Strengthener."
"Talleyrand' said that language was
made to conceal thought, but at last he
was compelled to acknowledge the fact
that Stages Liver Lifters are super
natural in their Effects
when Caesar was stabbed, he lifted |
his eyes and said Take Stages Robust
Revolutionizers.'