Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1885-11-21
Heavens Best Gift to Man.
Chicago Ledger.

faces in scornful derision whenever
this fact is mentioned. But that wo-
man is prize package hard to beat,
is about as well established as any
thing outside of man in a fat gov
eminent position possibly could be,
and yet there is no denying the OBJ
trusive fact that this peerless jewel of
the gods has not been apportioned
among the sons of men in strict &C
cordance with all the laws of impair
tial equity.
Some men take the pleasing JUNCTION
to their souls that they have been
favored in the distribution above all
the salt Of the earth, in that they
have married the best woman that
ever wore a hairpin or kissed a baby,
while on the other hand men with
| piteous scarcity of hair will come for-
ward and as firmly urge that they
law DCCu ClllSClci Oul vi lllclI DlIlH-
right and yoked in bondage with a
being who could give the devil the
odds in any game of his own choos-
ing, and beat him out of his eyebrows
on his own ground. Why this is thus
is as hard to determine as the origin
Of strength in butter; but that it is a
good deal that way is as positively
known among that portion of hui
mainly who have devoted more or
less study to the remarkable changes
in the status of a -four barrel as that
the color Of the hair depends in a
large measure upon the bulk Of the
purse and its ability to hold man
up in the hour of trouble.
In the blind ventures of matrimOny
nothing is certain but breezy CONVEX
sation and familiarity with the hand
writing of a milliner; but all men
who have destroyed brain matter in
studious observation of the ways of
the dear creatures are agreed in the
conclusion that good looks and small
feet are not to be taken as an infalli-
bic indication of angelic qualities.
You can't tell much more about wo-
man by the looks of her eyes and the
shape Of her nose than you can tell
about the health of an egg by the APP
pearance Of the shell. A woman may
look as Pheasant to the eye as a drum
major at the head of procession on
holiday, and at the same time have
possibilities about her that will drive
a man to strong drink with a good
deal of celebrity shortly after marriage.
And, on the other hand, a female
with no more style about her than an
old bonnet is just as likely to turn
out all wool and a yard wide as a
gOsling is to come out Of a goose egg
A woman may have big feet and q
small head, red hair, freckles, and q
nose out of plumb, and still have
more than virtues enough about hei
to make a good stepmother, while
the dizzy beauty who creates a futtel
of admiration in the ballroom may
. have a tongue with a razor edge, and
a disposition that will snatch a mar
bald before his teeth begin to decay
The fact is you can't tell anything
about a wOman's heart and Othel
probabilities blythe size of her waist o.
the shape of her eyebrows. She may
prove herself very agreeable com
: pany on Sunday evenings for yea
or so, and inside Of six months afte
the knot is tied make reason gasp anC
; gurgle by her sheolish conduct an(
= back talk.
> The man who goes in pursuit o
,, happiness, and thinks he has founC
it in the shape of blue eyes and COLDER
!, hair, without shading his eyes witt
reason and looking below the surfac
y, for sharks and swordfish, will wax
!, up some morning with his feet on tn
= brink of a chasm a thousand mile
> high, and regret to the end Of hi
, days that he was not born with cOttO
; in his ears.
|" The beauteous seattle glossy crea
; ture whose silken coat is coveted b.
every daughter Of Eve, and dreade
. by every man of limited means-ha
= claws under the skin, and so it ma
i be with a damsel who looks too kin
i hearted to bite cheese in the dark
She may have tresses of nebuloU
. gold that would make a poet raw
II and shiver his Tyre to atoms; eye
{ that would drive Raphael to mac
u ness a mouth that would make a
II Angelo break his chisel in despair
It voice that would force an Ordinar
Is man to stone his grandmother out {
:, a blackberry patch, and at the sam
t;n,c. l,ox-o Jox-i1c oOOY1nrb II, har I