The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1885-11-05
THE MERRY SIDE!

PShbeeIS
Sunset Cox ha had his photograph taken in
| Turkish uniform. 1t consists of cap and bells.
g.
| ga Meigs county cow got drunk, few days
| ago. we've seen many great calf in the same
fix.
| The way the Northern Democrats regard them:
Wise-the "Rebel." Fitz Lee-the Confederate
General"
Portsmouth, to the New Well: aye are the
salt of the earthr' But there's a good deal of
| "gas" about it.
1t is encouraging to the friends of Reform, to
know that the Greenbaclx Party in Ohio is still
holding its own.
1t is useless to say that the Rink is not health
full. No girl ever had headache on regular
Rink evenings.
1t is claimed that Democratic politicians now
advise one another not to carry sugar-teats to
the Prohibition baby.
An English nobleman warns the Queen that
"rebellion may follow the hanging of Riel."
But Riel won't be engaged in it.
The Salvation Army has gone into winter
quarters at Youngstown. eFor when I am
happy in Him, December's as pleasant as May"
80
Mortal epjoymepts are never complete. Don't
go into raptures over the autumn tints, until
you have tramped for two or three hours in a
Fall Rain.
Ex-President Arthur declares he didn't save
cent of all the money he received as Presiden-
tial salary. Then he ought to be ashamed to
tell it.
The man who distrusts ev erybody because
there so many rogues in the world, has one
consolation. There will be one less whe n he
dies.
Mrs. Langtry has number of new suit-ors in
England. But these are bringing suits for goods
purchased while the Lily lived with her hus-
band.
When Foraker speaks in a Virginia town, the
Democrats start q counter-irritant side-show
big circus.
An Athens county landlord couldn't get
worthless tenant to move out of his house. so
he began to move the house away from the ten
ant. "That fetched him.
An old Democratic lady, hearing Republic
can politician urging the need of retrenchment,
declared that "Jim undetermined the meadow
with tilin, and that it beat all the trenches in
the kingdom.
Hendricks had two accidents lately, caused
by the wheels of the carriage in which he was
riding coming off. He is too big load, even
for an omnibus.
W. H. Paulin, an alleged criminal, was hand
cuffed in Youngstown saloon, while playing
the fiddle. Yet reckless young men will go
right on playing the fiddle.
s.+
One sign of Reform is that under Clevelands
administration a man has to roam around the
crossroads Postoffices for week or two to
secure half a dozen old-style postal cards.
''Hole-in-the-Day," Chippewa Indian, is
seeking admission to West Point He should
go in. What that Institution needs is a score
of good lively Indians, with tomahawks.
Every long haired tobacco-sucker among the
Democracy of the Shenandoah Valley wanted
to "debate" with Foraker-on the principle that
the burr desired to attach itself to the horses
TAIL
Bashful lover to girl in country: 'eWhy is
that sorghum like me?'
"Why, because it's green"
He lit out. He thought she'd say "because it
is SWEET
The bashful boy whose mother declared he
''never would stick at anything, got it onto the
old lady badly when he went to party and set
down plate of taffy.
The number of steers killed by hunters is
rapidly increasing. An astonishing number of
men have had heavy steers killed by bird-shot,
some of them at a distance of three hundred
yards.
The Gallipolis Bulletin says ''Foraker ran be-
hind Blaine nearly six thousand votes in Ham
ilton county," No, you mean that he ran be-
hind the work of the Mclean gang.
The attorney for the Democratic side, in the
Cincinnati election contest, declares that poll
sheets are the private property of the Clerk. He
means in cases where the Clerks are Democratic
If Fitz Lee is defeated in Virginia, there's
good chance for Barnum. That cavalcade in
circus procession would attract more attention
than the men with false faces who ride on top
of the cages.
John Watson, in the Ohio Penitentiary, has
inherited sevepty-five thousand dollars in the
West Indies but can't get away from Columbus
for three years yet. This is worse than tying
wisp of hay before a hungry horse.
Lie DeluOCTdlS ApeCleu tuS UOIucI COuASlOo
of Ohio to catch the Solid South fever and
stamp out the bloody shirt. The result showed
that the School House greater than the
Revolver
A Macarthur merchant offers to sell man a
suit of clothing on three months time, and
then take the pay in corn. There's a chance
You can wear out the clothing, sell all your
corn, and leave before that time.
1t is reported that President Cleveland will
hereafter give less time to office-seekers, and
more to business. This will be a serious blow
to the Presidents spiritual prospects, for he will
have to answer for more profanity than any
ten men in the United States
-
Mrs. Jane Briggs, of Michigan, while picking
cranberries, and wearing black shawl and
hood, was mistaken for a bear, by two excited
hunters and shot. We have heard of old ladies
being called "tiger,' "cat, !" ''she-devil" and the
like, but this is the first one we have known to
be shot for bear.
At the colorel Methodist Conference in Wash
ington, Prof. Myler stated, in lecture that
the claim that the Devil is under ground is
absurd. "Why, he'd crawl right up out of the
hoe,'' said the Professor. So he does, Professor
and it takes excessively hard work to make
! Eim him hunt his hole again, too.
-
Mrs. Annie Taylor's cooking-stove, at Clifton,
| West Virginia, wouldn't draw, and she fixed it.
She put a charge of gunpowder into the stove,
and touched the powder off; then the powder
touched the stove off; then the stove touched
the woman off, and she is not expected to live
| to repeat the experiment.
! at is said that Foraker will make w. E. Bun
| dy his Private Secretary" is the statement
found in several exchanges. By whom is it
| said, friends We have taken all other ap-
| pointments out of the Governors hands by
making them for him, suppose we allow him to
make one or two in his own room for himself.