The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

My son. why is If that you are al
WAYS behindhand with YOUR studies?"
..Because, if was not behindhand with
them | could not pursue them"
-One-half of the world does not
know how the other half lives; but, in
fashionable society, that isn't because
it hasn't tried its prettiest to find out
-SomerUiIle Journal.
Il am surprised, john" said an
old lady. when she found the butler
helping himself to some of the finest
old port so am /. fam. thought
you had gone out" was. the reply
Detroit Post.
My. my, how that chimney
smokes" complained wife to her has
band. ..It might DO worse. my dear. "
he replied, consolingly. I'D like to
know how" why, You see it might
chew" A fall of SCOT stopped the flow
of conversation Chicago Tribune.
The best thing to give your enemy
IS forgiveness; to an opponent, tole-
rance; to friend, your heart; 10 q
child. good example; to a father,
Difference: to your mother, conduci
that VIII make her proud of you; to
yourself, respect: to all men. charity
Boston Journal.
Isn't it provoking, Mrs. Nipup!
Nv husband and 1 were going to the
rink tonight, and l broke nv skates
this afternoon. III let you take
mine, if you think they viii fit you.
Mrs Fiipup." .'Oh, thanks, awfuily.
If they don't fit I can let my husband
wear them and l can get along with
his He has real little foot for q
man-'-N y Graphic.
The Thought reader" placed his
hand on the mans head. withdrew II,
and struck him a fearful blow on the
nose When the man got out from I'm
der the chair and asked the reader what
he hit him for he replied: Just As
placed my hand on your head You
Thought was fool: and don't allow
any man 10 think that. no matter ID
he's as bio as a house. - Western Rural.
Il am going to keep diary; won,
YOU kindly tell me how to begin it?'
Lily. ..Well, to tell you the honest
nude truth. Lii. we don't know much
about this matter. but we. have seen
several young ladies' diaries and they
all begin: Got up at eight O'Clock;
PLAYED the piano one hour; went into
the kitchen and watched mother clean
ing the stove; wen: down ID MabeFs
Mabel Is horrid. took a nap after din
ner, am tired out: Claud called in the
evening; L ana 50 happy; o dearF'-
Boston Post.
=" What ineomprehensible Miriam
dy's got to be senee she went thur
-cademy." remarked Mrs. Homespun
to her husband. IVY, wot's the gal
been dom now'" asked Daniel.
..Doin'!'' exclaimed Mrs. Homespun,
..w'y, she said she must go to her room
to disrobe, as she wished TO retire
early ..Disrobe and retire." MUIR
INJURED Daniel. --woi's them, MAJ Il
dunno" replied ma: but she didn't
do nothin' o. the sort She only IN
dressed and went to bed Did We ever
hear C SIGH 'eyarication?' Judg ng
from the groan that came from Daniel
il is safe to presume that he never did
-PresbytertdR Banner.
~ intended to tel Jane to bring a
fresh bucket of water" said the wife oil
Prof. Nottlehead. looking up from her
sewing. "You doubtless mean buck
ct of fresh water" rejoined her hus-
band. Il wish you would pay some
little attention to rhetoric Your mis-
takes are embarrassing. 4 few mo-
Eaeats later, the professor said: my
dear, that picture would show to bet
ter advantage if you were to hang it
over the clock" .Ah." she replied,
s.rou doubtless mean if were to hang
It shove tine clock. If were to hang
1t over the clock, we couldn't tell what
time it is. Iwish you would pay some
little attention to rhetoric. Your mis-
takes are embarrassing. "-Arhansaso
Traveller.