davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
Not One, Bus TWO.

The old notion that the man and
wife are oue-and that the man is the
'.On1' has received a sad blow in Cali
fornia. Too Cheong, Chinaman resi-
dent in that State, having taken 2 GER
tificate which entitled him to return
went to China and got him asWife from
the Acknowledged maidens of the Flow
cry Kingdom. Bathed in bliss-the
only true bath true Celestial permits
himself-Too returned to San Francis
co with his blushing bride. AS he pre-
pared to land he was met by the stern
official of the Custom House, who posi-
lively forbade Madame Too to set her
ridiculously distorted foot on Califor-
Aian soil. The Restriction act was
''agin it" he said, in substance; and
without certificate from her Govern
ment required for Chinese non-laborers
she could not land. Too Cheong could
go ashore; but Mrs. Too must return.
In vain Too urged that he and his
wife were one, as he had often been
told on his American soiourn. The
Custom House officer could not see the
matter in that sentimental light. Off
cially he was compelled to look upon
them in an arithmetic light, and in that
aspect they certainly were two.
The courts were appealed to, but the
courts also took an arithmetic view of
the matter. One Judge held that the
wife did not take the status of her hus-
band, and being a non-laborer could
not come in under the Restriction act.
Another Judge held that the wife did
take the status of the husband and be-
came a laborer by marrying laborer.
But being laborer she came also I'M
der the Restriction act and could not
land.
This is hard on the particular China
man and Chinawoman involved; but it
is an advantage to the world at large
to know that the old-time doctrine as
10 oneness" in marriage is no longer
held. 1t is only another instance of the
individual suffering for the benefit OF
the race
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
An Escape.

One day the police, while making a
search, really had Olga Liubatoyich in
their grasp. A friend, distancing the
gendarmes by q few moments, had
merely only time to rush breathlessly
up the stairs, dash into the room where
she was and exclaim: ''SaYe yourself!
the police!" when the police were al
ready surrounding the house. Olga
had not even time to put on her bonnet.
just as she was she rushed to the back
stairs, and hurried down at full speed
Fortunately the street door was notyet
guarded by the gendarmes, and she
was able to enter little shop on the
ground floor. She had only 20 kopecks
in her pocket, having been unable, in
her haste, to get any money. But this
did not trouble her. For Is kopecks
she bought a cotton handkerchief, and
fastened it round her head in the style
adopted by coquettish serVant-girls.
With the 3 kopecks remaining she
bought some nuts and left the shop
eating them, in such quiet and inno-
cent manner that the detachment of
police, which meanwhile had advanced
and surrounded the house on that side,
let her pass without even asking her
who she was, although the description
of her was well known, for her photo
graph had been distributed to all the
agents, and the police have always
strict orders to let no one who may
arouse the slightest suspicion leave a
house which they have surrounded.
This was not the only time that she
slipped like an eel through the fingers
of the police. She was inexhaustible
in expedients, in stratagems, and in
cunning which she always had at her
command at such times; and with all
this she maintained her serious and Sc
we're aspect, so that she seemed utter
ly incapable of lending herself to de-
ceit or stimulation. Perhaps she did not
think, but acted upon instinct rather
than reflection, and that was why she
could meet every danger with the
lightning-like rapidity of fencer who
parties a thrust. Stepniak IN the Corn
hill Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
The Philosophy OF Lightning Rods.

A lightning conductor consists es-
sentially of long piece of metal, point
ed at the end, whose business it is, not
so much Gas most people imagine) to
carry off the flash Of lightning harm
lessly, should it happen to strike the
house to which the conductor is at
tached, but rather to prevent the oc-
currence of flash at all, by gradually
and gently drawing off the electricity
as fast as it gathers, before it has had
time to collect in sufficient force for
destructive discharge. 1t resembles in
its effect an overlooking pipe which
drains off the surface water of pond
as soon as it runs in in such manner
as to prevent the possibility of an in
undation which might occur if the wa
ter were allowed to collect in force be-
hind dam or embankment. 1t is a
tlOOdgate, not a moat; it carries away
the electricity of the air quietly to the
ground without allowing it to gather
in sufficient amount to produce flash
of lightning. 1t might thus be better
called q lightning prevention than a
lightning conductor; it conducts cleo
tricity, but prevents lightning. At
first, all lightning rods used to be made
with knobs on the top, and then the
electricity used to gather at the sur
face until the electric force was sufi-
Gent to cause a spark. In those hap
Ply days you had the pleasure Of seeing
that the lightning was actually being
drawn off from your neighborhood
piecemeal. Knobs, it was held, must
be the best things, because you could
incontestably see the sparks striking
them with your eyes. But as time
went on, electricians discovered that if
you fixed fine metal point to the con-
ductOr of an electric machine it was
impossible to get up any appreciate
charge, because the electricity kept al
ways leaking out by means of the point.
Then it was seen that if you made your
lightning rods pointed at the end you
would be able in the same way to dis
sipate your electricity before it ever
had time to come to ahead in the shape
of lightning. From that moment the
thunderbolt was safely dead and bur-
led. 1t was urged, indeed, that the at
tempt thus to rob heaven of its thun-
ders was wicked and impious; but the
common sense of mankind refused to
believe that absolute omnipotence
could be sensibly defed by twenty
yards of cylindrical iron tubing.
1t is not so we'll known that the brain
and spinal cord are apparently con-
ductors, and hence lightning stroke
on the head does not materially injure
the brain beyond SCATTERING the brains
and causing temporary arrangement.
Most 7,orCOnC Ct1,uck INV 1irbtpinr do
not remember anything about the
stroke, but others describe a sensation
such as would be caused by their being
struck heavy blow, and some have
Iikened the shock to what they would
be supposed to feel if torn into small
! pieces. COrnhjU Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
Swaim's Leading Counsel.

Judge Shellabarger is Ga years old
and very gray. A Washington letter
writer says: His forehead is high,
his cheekbones hollow, and his eyes
look out from under deep brows with a
brightness which shows that the fires of
intellectual activity are burning behind
them. He has had long public ca
reer. He was a member of the Ohio
legislature as far back as the days of
Frank Pierce. For ten years he served
in the national congress, and during
that time he took rank as one of its
most able members. He represented,
by the way, the Keller district He
now lives here il Washington in fine
brick house in the fashionable north
west. He is literary in his tastes, and
was last year the president of Miss Ran
son's Classical society. He has fam
lily, and about a year ago the whole of
them Joined the leading Presbyterian
church here. ''-Nea0 York EUening
Post
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
A Petrihed Girl.

A young lady living in the vicinity of
North East, named Lizzie Patterson,
has been relieved from life of suffer-
ing, which for fifteen years had not an
alleyiating circumstance. When a girl
at the age of 10 she was stricken with
rheumatism. A season of treatment at
the hands of the most skilled physicians
failed to relieve the sufferer. At the
age of fifteen her muscles became so
rigid that the power of locomotion was
entirely destroyed. Since then she was
confined to her bed and chair, and was
unable to do herself the slightest SER
vice. Five years ago the muscles be-
came so hard that the joints of the low
er limbs could not work. The fbrOus
tissues of the arms and hands were next
affected, so that they were entirely use
less, and soon like the lower limbs
were no semblance to the human anat-
omY. A year ago the muscles control
ling the head and neck were contorted
so as to draw the head out of shape.
The muscles in the face then hardened
and closed the lower jaw so tight that
teeth had to be removed in order to
make an aperture through which food
could be introduced.
To give the patient even moderate
amount of food required three hours
work, during which time the effort at
swallowing caused excruciating pain.
Vomiting and sufiocation finally caus-
ed death. Miss Patterson was 20 years
of age, and at the time of her death
she was actually petrified with disease.
The case is exciting great interest in
the medical profession. = Cincinnati
Commercial Gazette.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
a Good Watch.

Pat Jones bought watch from old
Anthony Speers. The next day ne en-
tered Speer's den and said:
''Look heah, whut sorter watch is dis
yer sole me?"
ode kline, sab, whut I tole yer it
wuz."
mo, faint no SIGH Nv er thing. Yer
said dat it would keep good time. Las
night jes' ez / went ter bed, / looked at
de watch an it WIZ jes' twenty minits
ter 'leben. Wall, when | got up dis
mornin', looked at de thing an it +Vuz
still jes' twenty minits ter 'Ieben. Yer
tote me dat it would keep good time. J"
Oats whit | tole yer an dat's
whUt de watch hab done cordin' ter
yer own ercount. Twenty minits ter
'leben when yer got up. De watch
kept de time-hil' it right dar. Had
den er been SIGH eh good watch it
woulder turned de time loose an let it
90 on. Oh, dat watch'l keep de time,
eff OATS whit yer want When yer gets
tired O. one time, come over an I'll
change it fur er nuder. Good mornin',
sab, Use powerful busy. Arkansat0
Traveller
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

danger Of taking cold from becoming
overheated; when you feel feyerish, or
fear that you may feel feverish, after or
before being exposed to the cold; when
you have purchased any article of
clothing; when you are to attend awed-
ding, funeral, christening or horse
trot.-Bosto11 Transcript.
Rev. Thomas Timmins, while in at
tendance at the Humane Association
meetings in this city, organized two
''Boards of Mercy" The object is to
protect all creatures from cruel treat
ment. Mr.. Lee Brown, of Chicago,
related an incident which occurred in
one of the schools there while Rev.
Timmins was at work. The pledge
was written on the blackboard, and
all the pupils but one held up their
hands to indorse it. The young hope
full replied: ''Well, I'll tell you. Bill
Daley sauced me yesterday and smash
ed m face, and want to lick him first
and then I'll join. PjttSbarg Times.
When a drummer has made up his
mind to sell merchant goods the mer-
chant might as well make up his mind
to buy. A Dallas merchant refused to
buy any whisky from st. Louis liquor
drummer. Its not worth while show
ing me your samples - said the mer-
chant in a very determined manner: 81
have no cellar to store any wine, even
if | wanted to buy" The drummer
put up his samples and disappeared.
Half an hour afterward he burst into
the merchants counting-room, his face
radiant with joy. ''Allow me to con-
graduate you. Everything is ar
ranged" ''What's arranged?" "An
about the cellar | have hunted you
up cellar and rented it for you at $40
a month. Teas Sittj11gS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
The Horse-Trader and the Horse.

The habitual horse-trader is not al
ways bad man and neighbor; but he
is always supposed to need especial
watching. He, certainly, is double
moralist except when he sometimes
merges his private code into his official
one wholly. For, the horse, which is
among the noblest of animals, really,
is somehow, practically, a corrupting
institution. He contains in himself
pretty nearly all possibilities of the
good and the bad. His scale of devel-
opments is of immense reach; and the
worst of it all is, that his qualities are
only to be known, within any moderate
approximation, by an expert. 1t is
hardly credible that under the visage
which seems so guileless there can be
hidden SO much deception. But we
know, to our sorrow, that it does hide
there. We generally find out the day
after an unfortunate purchase that the
animal driven up so proudly before us
yesterday is not the one that limps and
wheezes. The real entity was marvel
ously concealed. 1t is a wonder that
the head of the mythical sphynx was
not mounted upon a horse. Ii 1t had
been, Gdipus would have been worse
baffied to unravel its mystery. The
slipperiness, therefore, of the horse
trader, is easily accounted for. He
cannot very well help it. 1t is alto
gether probable that he is half the time
cheated himself. That he has more
virtue than he is credited with is evil
dent from the fact that he is rarely, if
ever, known to be rich, and never a
millionaire. The Hour.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

THE TURKISH BATH.
It's Hygienic Effects pinions of DR.. Ham
mond.

Much of the literature on the subject
of the Turkish bath owes its origin to
those who are financially interested in
the success of the baths. a such tits,
of course, to be regarded with a GER
tain degree of skepticism. In order to
get the opinion of high and disinterest-
ed medical authority in the matter, DR..
William A. Hammond was called upon.
In response to the question. lis the
Turkish bath always beneficial in its
effects?" DR.. Hammond said: 1.-The
Turkish bath is generally beneficial to
person in good health. Always is a
word which never occurs in physi-
clans vocabulary. Thus the layman
might say that strawberries were al
ways healthful, but the physician knows
that the generally harmless strawberry
when eaten by certain persons will pro-
duce a most violent eruption of the skin.
| am justified in saying, then, that the
Turkish bath is generally beneficial, al
though | have known cases in which a
serious arrangement of the body func-
tions had resulted from a single bath. y
I'm what cases are the baths most
injurious?'
In all cases where there is a ten
dency to heart disease. Men have died
in the bath from the aggravation of this
trouble produced by it. No one should
enter the hot room for the first time
without having had his heart examined
by physician"
care you patron Of the Turkish
bath?' was the next question.
IT -1Cod 70 +bo,,, - =
reply; ''but of late have contented my
self with cold bath every morning I
find that the best both for health and
cleanliness.
would you recommend that for a
person of slight physique?" asked the
reporter with a glance at the doctor S
stalWart figure.
II would Recommend it for every
one with whom it agrees. That is the
test of common sense and medical sci
ence. If you remain blue and cold af-
ter bath, don't take it again while in
the same state of health. If, on the
other hand, your system reacts, the eff
| feet is entirely beneficial. If you pin
me down to generalization, | should
say that the tepid bath is the most ben
eficial to the majority of people. The
| hot bath should never be taken in one S
| house,
When handed long newspaper clip
ping in which it was lahoriouely proven
that the curse of this age was a too
free use of soap and water, the people
of the temperate regions growing weak
and short-lived under its application,
while the natives of the North lived to
a good old age, encased in the dirt and
train oil, the doctor characterized it as
san elaborate argument built upon
false premises"
GA person should wash once a day."
he continued, with soap; for without
soap the skin will shed water like the
plumage of duck. Indulgence in a
Turkish bath should not be as frequent,
owing to its weakening tendencies. 1t
is preposterous to say that the inhabi-
tants of the North outlive those of the
South. The Esquimaux are a very
| short-ived race, while the negroes are
at the other extreme. Witness the
number of colored nurses who handled
the Father of his Country upon their
knee and still live to tell the tale. -
Ne20 York. Tribune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

Buchanan Reads poem describing
Sheridan's ride from Winchester is
said by friend of the latter to have
become the bane Of his existence. In
the popular mind that little iaunt on
horseback is his only achievement. The
rest of his gallant services have been
thrown into oblivion, so far as the
knowledge of the masses is concerned.
Women especially worry him almost
crazy on the subject. He is bound, in
common politeness, to answer their
questions about it, and unnumbered
are the albums in which he has been
compelled to write a verse of the poem
over his signature. He used to decline
to do this, on the ground that it was
not modest, but he found that his
scruples were not appreciated, and so
be now scribbles a couplet, which glo-
rifles the horse only, with nomention of
the rider
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

'My DEAR" said a Mormon wife to
her husband, II should think that you
would be ashamed of yourself, flirting
with that Miss r. as you did today
Flirting with her?'' he replied in as
constituent. ''Why, we have been en-
gagged for more than three months. It's
all over town. .Oh, I beg your par
DOM said the wife indifferently. IF
you are engaged to her I suppose it is
all right. When does the happy event
occur?" -Argonaatt
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

Senator Lamar, Cleveland Lead
or correspondent says, writes as
though he were monk in some old
monastery of the fifteenth century. The
letters are small and neat and made in
the up-and-down strokes in vogue be-
fore Spencer Invented his curves and
loops. 1t is a scholarly hand and
warmer than that of George Frisbie
Hoar, which stands upon the paper as
cold as Massachusetts and as reserved
as Boston, without aperiod or re-
dundant flourish. and abbreviated at
every point.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19
THE BOY OF THE PERIOD.
Some Epigrams from Mrs. Livermo-e's
Lecture.


There is a type of people affecting
Anglomania who say America is big,
but not large.
There is no fixed type of American.
We are too heterogeneous for that; it
will come by and by.
The type of manhood called the
American will be the strongest, man
Hest, hottest, best.
You can only make beautiful bronzes
by mixing many fine metals.
In America the great aristocracy is
that of money. 1t would seem as if the
nation were up for sale.
Every nation has its besetting sin, as
every individual has his.
We have had before US few hundred
years ago, a drunken ancestry. Their
| heaven was an eternal drinking saloon,
and the tendency remains in us.
The American boy comes into the world
with such history before him as no
Greek or Roman boy ever looked upon.
The American boy has it in his power
to clutch almost anything he may strive
| for.
1t is possible for him to attain mod
crate amount of wealth honestly.
At the age of 80 he can look on his
fortune with the consciousness that
there is not dirty dollar in it, and
that at 80 is a great thing to be able
to DO.
The glamor of life is gone at so.
Before we are aware of it our boys
stand in mems places, but their char
acters are not formed, and they have
! temptations that our forefathers never
| knew.
The majority of boys are strong in
their sense of power at an early age.
Thank God, never heard a mother
say what many men do of their boys:
| ''Let them come up naturally" never
| heard that doctrine advanced for any
other animal or vegetable.
Our boys are deficient in bodily train
ing.
DR.. Hammond has said that nearly
every boy unfit for the United States
training-ships on account of color blind
ness or heart disease was rendered so
| by heart disease.
No growing boy can use tobacco with
out suffering physically. l say nothing
of the morality of the question.
Boys do not receive the moral train
ing that they ought. In fact, the girls
do not.
The boy is an upsetting thing in the
house.
He has holy horror of being useful
about the house.
With all his fault he is loYeable, and
the hearts of the women 90 out to him.
There is scarcely day in my life that
do not receive the testimony of some
men as to the worth of their mothers to
them.
There is in these lads of ours a high
sense of honor and manliness when
young.
What happens between then and when
they stand in the criminals dock?
Someone has failed in their training.
| Every mother must give her boy a
careful training in personal morality.
Nature never pardons.
Though all men in the world may
teach that there is difference between
private and public morality, do not ac-
cept that doctrine for a moment
Every boy should be taught to respect
WOmanhOOd.
If a lad does not get his social train
ing early in life he never gets it. This
is why we find great men sometimes
exceedingly ill-bred.
Every boy should be trained to be an
American citizen-and so should every
girl.-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

a creditor having knocked at the
door, the fast young mans simple-heart-
I'd servant opens it. is your master
in?'' Il can not say, sir; [ viii see"
Tell him / have gone travelling" says
the young man. The servant does so.
Hum! When'u he return from his
Journey" says the disappointed credi-
tor. Il don't know sir. But'-as a
happy thought strikes him-'In 60
and ask him, sir. ''-F'rench Paper.
One of the New York blanket sheet
newspapers recently used a quarter of
a ton of ink in printing one days edi-
ton.
During the next 250years, it has been
computed. there can be only one total
eclipse OF the sun that OF Aug. Y, 1899
which can be seeD 10 England.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

The Chinese have a hard row to hoe.
They are barred out of every other
country, and now France wants to
drive them out of China.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-03-19

Response of ex-senator Doolittle at
the banquet given by the St. Andrews
society, at Milwaukee, in response to
the toast: '.America-the Land of our
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1885-12-25
LA CARTA.

He aquf la citada anteriormen
te, de nuestros correligionarios
Paerto-Rico, Diciembre % de 1885.
Sr. Director del BoLETIs MERoASTlG.
Muy sefior nuestro: En- Ell articulo
que con Ell tftulo Al Partid0, publica
Y. en- lagsr preferente de So ilustrado
peri6dico, correspondence al dia de hoy,
hace Y. refsrencia & IN escrito por no.
sotros presentado al Excmo. Sr. Pre-
s:dente del Oomite Central de nnestro
Partido, solicitando se coBfrmase d to-
dos los correligionarios, 10 mismo q los
acecindQd0s en- essa Capital gue loo
residentes on los densds p9ebios de Ia
Isia, Ell derecho reconocido en- todas las
jnatus Magnas de tomar parte en- sus
deiiberaciones acuerdos , saneionsdo
en la Ultima celebrada en- cinco de Fe
brero de mil echocientoe ochenta y tres.
Del articnlo de v. parsee despren-
derse que nosotros, al solicitar | !. rati-
fcaci6n de este derecho, y el Comite
Central al otorgarlo, como no podia
menos de hocerlo, 81 no guerra ponerse
ie ffente 4 al acuerdo de- Ia misIna
J9esa Aagsa 4 que asbe 80 xistencia,