The Arkansaw traveler., 1885-05-02
WOULDN'T HAVE soJERrNo." ]"
rPeck's Sun.I


 A Milwaukee theatrical manager. who is good story teller, told SNH man an anecdote the other day that was quite Imaginable the way he rendered it, but which will lose considerable of it's point and effectiveness in print, and may vary more or less from the strict truth in minor particulars.
 Once upon time, as fairy stories con- mence, Colonel Wood, of Chicago, the museum man, took in as partner in his theatre native from Arkansaw who thought the business would just suit him, although he knew no more about mu- seums or theatres than a hog knows about Choctaw.
 The evening of the day the bargain was concluded the new partner attended the performance, for the first time in his life, selecting seat in the parquette, close to the orchestra. His attention was di- vided between the play and the opera tions of the orchestra, the latter perhaps getting the lions share. It was noticed by Mir. Wood, who was also present, that when watching the musicians, he would frown and crochet his brow, and work his jaws on his quid of natural leaf more NA6OtSdSAy tAdA 0SudA
 The next morning he met the leader of the orchestra, Ia Frenchman) and &C., costed him:
 '' See here pardner, now thet l've got a right to chip in when I see anything goin' wrong about this theaytre, havin' bought an interest in it, I'd like ter ask you why you hev such lot of chumps in the music box with you2"
 "Chumps !' said the astonished leader. ma foi, what is zat chump5 don't not know him."
 "Why, sticks, to be sure; fellers who eyther don't know their business or are playing of on you"
 "Mon DieE, e'est impossible" replied the Frenchman "ve have ze best or chestra in Cheecago; absolute bayfatte- msnt."
 "Oh, come off now you can't fool me if am from Arkansaw. watched your fellers last night, and you didn't; your back was turned to most on lem. It's a Mary Ann fact that they didn't play more'n half the time. Why, that feller who blows the long horn that shoves in and out was foolin' with his insterment nearly all the evenin', the old fogy who pretended to play the bull fiddle only clipped in about every five minutes, the Dutchman who run the drums didn't hit the big one but twice to my cert'in knowledge, the fiddlers all 'sojered' more or less, and in fact the whole ca poodle acted just as though they thought 1t didn't make much difference whether they played most of the time or not Even you, yourself, fooled a good deal swingin' your fiddle bow around instid of gittin' all you could outen your catgut."
 But, ma cAer major, you seem not to comprehend. We haf to play just as ze music is written. Ze great Bach, Often. bach, and othaire mastaires of ze devine music haf put in ze rests for ze different instruments all through ze piece, and ve b af strictly to follow him."
 "You do, eh?" said the stubborn major; "well, we'll have reform here. ] hain't been brung up on plantation for nothin'. Why, sir, before the wah used to run over a hundred niggers, and you fellers did more sojeria last evenin' than the hull gang of em d do in week. Say; you get thunderin' salary, and probably consider yourself way up in music, don't you, uow ?"
 Leader (with a shrug): "OXi, I not complain of my sslarie; he is yer good but 1 haf, vat you call reputacionne l haf compose ze several pieces music myself vich haf been ze grand success"
 "Oh, you hev, hev you? Wall, I'll tell you what want you to do. You just tackle your sheets of hiarogliphics and do away with all those rests cid Ofen- back and the other chaps put in, so's the menll have somethin' to do all the time. You can't make me believe thet thar's any sense in payin' a lot of pirates to come here and fool away their time evenin's doin' next to nothin'."
 By this time the Gaul was mad; that IS to say, he had hot gall and if Col onel Wood had not happened along just then, there might have been a row be- tween the new proprietor and the mus;. clan. The colonel, however, by a few bland words, calmed the offended vio- linist and explained to the Arkansaw man that, hard as it seemed to a frugal man to see his employees apparently vast ing so much time, they were really keep ing time all the time, and all well-regu- lated orchestras had to have just about | so many men to produce the best effect | on critical audience. The majors only reply was: "Well, I'll be dinged p