Daily Republican., 1885-11-25
MIRTH AND INCREMENT,

night" sbs replied sbyly. He was
inst on the point Of asking me to be his /
wife, when mamma came into fheI
room. But am very glad she did, >"
went on the girl earnestly 81 don't
think / should have been happy with l
George"
What would you like for dinner tc-
night, dear ?" asked young wife affec. /
tionately, as her husband was leaving
for his office. I'm let me see % he |
unused. " How would sweetbreads do |
l am very fond Of them. We used often
to have them at home, and they weToI
delicious |" "That will be lust lovely 7" |
said the young wife enthusiastically.
F" And I will go around to the bakers +
and order them myself"
A graceless boy greatly scandalised
his maiden aunt by teaching her par.
rot to swear, and her monkey to smoke l.
tobacco. Her bachelor brother, being
spoken to on the subject. cynically an. |
swered Oh. she has become quite
reconciled to the accomplishments of
her pets, a. between the swearing of one
and the tobacco smoke of the other,
she doesn't miss husbandvery much.
A traveller, returned from India, was
relating his travelling impressions.
What country that is!' he exclaim.
cd. There everybody keeps dozens
of servants. had four whose sole bust.
ness was to look after my pipe. One|
brought 1t to me, another filed, third
fourth" The fourth smoked IL, for
me. Tobacco never did agree with
me.
Scene-Railroad car. Milesian, to
fellow.passenger AZ We please,
sorr, wud ye be afther tellin' me the
mace Of thin foine houses" Fellow
passenger Those are orphan homes.
Milesian: An shure Is IL orphans
that live there?" Fsllow-passenger :
/" You've guessed 1t the first time"
tMilesan, after admiring the buildings:
Begorra, it's splendid thing to be
born an orphan"
why, Jimmy" said one profession.
al beggar to another, " are you going to
knock off already? It's only two o.
clock" No, you dunderhead," re
spondet the other, who WAS engaged in
unbuckling his wooden supporter; "I'm
oaly going to put 1t on the other knee.
Yen don suppose fellow can beg all
day on the same leg, do you?"
j By falling from . wagon, a Chinaman
whose life was insured for large
, amount, was seriously hurt. There
.
getting better: and ct length enc Of his
friends wrote to the insurance company:
ey.'
SOme one WAS speaking Of the end OF
the word. "Do you think 1t will come
no n ?" asked the eight-year-old Enc,
eagerly. No, guess not" was the
: reply. "Oh, hope 1t won't," said
tho wee pfrl :" 1t would be too mean IL
; 1t Md-befere get chance to be mar
ried."
1 Father-in law swell, Mr.. Helm
! rich, now tell me candidly, have you
!, reason to ne perfectly satisfied with my
daughter 2" Son in-law "My dear
sir, the only complaint have to make
is that You did not kick mo out OF doors
Z when came to solicit her hand"
Somebody ~ quoted as having said
TO London wit tbs other day III
9 seems TO me you stutter more since you
have lived in London than sou didwher
: ,you lived In Manchester. To whict
t he::sententiouply ep led !" Of o occurs,
| I do; b b. bigger tssn."
a In company the other evening, Hen
rietta heard some one across the room
4 quote the familiar phrase, Man pro
poses," and turning to o sister wall
flower, she remarked that she was tired
of hearing those old sayings that did'n
:. have D. word of truth in them.
4 :" Why do you wink at me, sir?" sait
q beautiful youpg lady, anzrily, TO 6
!; strap ger a. a party an evening or two
since. beg your pardon, madam.
e replied the wit. winked as men d.
n " hen looking at the snn-your spiend'
d or dszzled my eyes"
There having been various answers Il
= the connndrum, Why ia a ship cslie(
= . shs?" We think the proper answer
i is: 9 Because she Is the handscmes
i when welt rugged" Wives should en-
!. this out and show 1t to their husbands
g John. when you die would You lik'
q 10 be cremated?" No, Jane; no Gre
= nation for your fond husband. PUTIN,
;, on ice. have had u hot time enough
Il of it while alive" His wife has NO
7 sewed on button for him since.
. A school-board examiner lately asket
\ the following question OF q little girl
e What is the plural of MANI" Men 81
n VERY well; and what Is the plural Of
n child?" Twins" Immediately replied
1T the little girl.
;, A Hibernian gentleman was explain
: Ing to lady how she could avoid get
n ting into close roximity to Taurus
,. thusly: "If you sec field with ,twt
cows lying down in 1t the one standing
- up Is sure to be the bull"
Mrs. Jones: ''Thsy tell me that fellow
Smith Is paying his addresses TO the
Widow Robinson" Mrs. Brown"
don't believe word of 1t! Paying his
addresses. indeed! The fellow never
m paid anything in his life !"
e Arthur, 1 fear, ali IL fsar-you
have ceased to love mo !" Why,
Emma, what makes you think NO ?''
70 " Well, you see, Arthur, 1t used to take
i. you 30 long to button my gloves, and
o now-you do 1t 30 quickly u
i. DR.. Lawson TAFT has discovered that
b the hearing of women il more acute
o than that Of men. Husbands atsempt-
e ing to 60 up stairs without making ahy
d noise found that out long before DIR.
3 TAFT did.
An upset beehive is q rather lively
. circus TO get out of the way of, but 1t Il
q mere trifis compared to q woman
whose mind is upset at having found q
= bill for an unknown bonnet in her hus-
bands pocket.
' A shallow Drained top remarked,
r with the air of an instructor PEG
r pie should never laugh at their own
4 jokes. never thiuk of laughing at
y mine" Does anybody else ?" asked
e a youpg lady.
ell q lady leaving home was thus ad.
;. dressed by her little boy : Mamma,
i will you rslp smbsr and buy mo q
+ penny whistle? And le5 it be re-.
Il ligious one, so that can use 1t on Sun
lday -