The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1885-05-23
0ait and 9umor.
she Got all the News.

1Is our mother at home, bub? iRquired
lady as she walked up to house on North
Side one day, and found a small boy with
an old campaign hat on, sitting on the steps
and shooting pebbles at dog over the way
with rubber-constructed Calling gun of
his own manufacture
Noun, she jist gone to the grocery to
Git some Goldfish for dinner, replied the
boy, punctuating his remarks with snufies,
" coz this haint our day for meat. We
only has it twice a week now, coz she's
saYin' up some money to buy new cloak
that'll list more'n take the tuck out O. Miss
Bailem7s for you see, ma jis can't bear
Miss Bailem, and it most kills her to see
her come out with good stitch on, an
every time she does git anything new why
ma takes on jis awful an says she wonders
what Miss Bailem pawned this time to buy
it with, and then she begins to cut us light
on grub until she kin collar sumpin thatlI
make Miss Bailem slam her door when she
walks along, an'-mam ?"
@Don't hit the poor dog, bub. You
hurt him then, real bad. Don't you know
that's wrong"
Noun, ma says faint. You see that's
Miss Nodget's dog, and ma is jist down on
her, oh, awful You see, Miss Nodget
has owed her three drawin's o tea for
more'n two months, an she'd had our
skillet vii if ma hadn't sent me after it,
and then she'd broket piece off n the
handle, an her man an pa don't jibe on
politics nohow, and ole NOdget he-mam?"
ssIsn't that your mother coming yonder?"
aNoum. Why, that's ole Miss Sim
mons. She lives in that yaller house over
yonder, an ma she jist hates her blame
sight worsen she does Miss Bailem, coz,
you see, when ma went to Ingeanny last
summer to see her brother what was going
to be hung, why, ole Miss Simmins some
how she found it out, an she jist got right
up ali put on her bonnet an went around
to tell all the neighbors an mann ?"
(Which grocery did your mother 60 to?
Rogers'?''
sNo'um. You see, we used to git all
our things at Rogers, but finally he jis got
SO he wanted the cash down every time,
an ma she jis got mad, an said she would
not have nuthin' more to do with no man
what gives thumb weight, an palms off all
his ole split stuff on her, an then ole Miss
Rogersssshe heard about it, an she jis come
right over here, an her'n ma they jis had
it up an down, an'-mam p
"Did your mother say she was coming
right back ?"
"No'um. She said maybe she might
lis stop few minutes an see Miss Nickum,
coz she's got baby what's got the measles
jis awful, an her man has jis been bilin'
drunk for week, an mann ?"
s'Will you tell her I've been here? |
can't wait any longer. I'm Mrs. Thomp-
son.
"Yes' UNI. Oh, yes, you're the woman
what ma was talking about Wednesday. |
member it coz that was our day for meat,
an'-mam p
did she say anything good about me?"
aNo'um. She jis said you put on
heap O. style for a grass wilder, an she jis
thought it was burnin' shame that you
was a goin' to marry that ole crossed-eyed
codger with a cork leg, coz he had money,
'thout gettin' no divorce from the red
headed boss thief that-mam ?"
"Tell your mother that she's good-for-
nothing gad-about, and she'd better stay at
home and keep her tongue in her head or
it'll poison her. never want to put eyes
ON her again. Will you tell her that ?"
@Yes'um, replied the boy, as he fixed
another stone in the sling and got ready to
make the dog howl, too.