The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1885-06-12
MODERN ARCHITECTURE.
Bill Nye Tells What Called Out His First
FalsehOOd.

FalsehOOd.
1t may be premature, perhaps. but
desire to suggest to anyone who may
pc contemplating the erection of a
tummer residence for me-, as a slight
testimonial of his high regard for my
sterling worth and symmetrical es-
tive of earnest admiration and warm
personal friendship than of great in
lrinsic value, etc.,-that | hope he will
not construct it on the modern plan OF
mental halluciatiop and morbid delir-
ium tremens peculiar to recent archi-
lecture.
Of course, a man ought not to look
a gift house in the gable end, but if
my friends don't know me any better
than to build me a summer cottage
and throw in odd windows that no.
body else wanted, and then daub it
up with colors that they have bought
at auction and applied to the house
after dark with a shot gun, think it
is time that we had a better under
standing.
Such a structure does not come with
in either of the three classes of renals-
sance. 1t is neither Florentine. Roman,
nor Venetian. Any man can originate
such a style of architecture if he will
drink the right kind of whisky long
enough, and then describe his feelings
to an amanuensls. Imagine the sem
sation that n of these modern, sawed
off cottages would Great a hundred
years from now, if it should survive!
But that is impossible. The only
cheering feature of the whole matter
is that these creatures of Il disordered
imagination must soon pass away, and
the bright sunlight of hard horse-sense
shine in through the shattered dormers
and gables gnawed-otf architecture
of the average summe resort. A
friend OF mine, a fewdays ago, showed
me his new house with much pride.
He asked me what | thought of it. l
told him | liked it t%lrst-rate. Then |
went home and wept all night. 1t was
my first t%alsehood.
The house, taken as q whole. looked
to me like a sk%ating-rink that had
started out, to make money and then
suddenly changed its mind and re-
solved to become 4 %tannery. Then
ten feet higher it had lost all self
respect and blossomed into II full
blown drunk and disorderly surround
ed by the smokcstack of a foundry
and with the bright future of thirty
days ahead with the chain-gang.
That's the way it looked to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends of mistit rafters and distorted
shingles that somebody had purchased
at sheritls SAFE. and the roOmS and
stairs were giddy in the extreme. l
went in and rambled around among
the cross-eyed staircases aud night
mares till reason tottered on her
throne. Then ! came out and stood
on the architectural wart called the
side porch TO get fresh air. This
porch was painted a dull red, and it
I had wooden rOsettes at the corners
that looked Ikea brand-new carbuncle
on the nose of q social wreck. Far
Their up on the demoralized lumber
pile saw now and then, places where
the workman's mind had wandered
and he had nailed on his clapboards
wrong side up and then painted them
with the paris green that he had in
tended to use on something else, 1t
was an odd looking structure indeed.
Ii my friend got all the material for
nothing from people who had frag-
ments of paint and lumber left owe
after they failed, and then if the work
men constructed it nights for mental
relaxation and intellectual repose, with
out charge. of course the scheme was
a financial success. but ~architecturaHy
the house is a gross violation of the
. statIaS in sf,,.b naSn. r,njn ,~ .r.
vided. and against the peace and dig.
nifty of the state.
There is a look of extreme poverty
about the structure which a mai
might struggle for years to acquire
and then fail. No one could look up.
on it without feeling a heartache fol
the man who built that house, and
probably struggled on wear after
year. building a little OF it at a time
as he could steal the lumber, getting
a new workman each year, building q
knob here and a protuberance there,
putting in a three cornered window al
one point and a yellow tile or 81 wad
of broken glass and other debris at an.
other. patiently filling in around the
ranch with any old rubbish that other
people had got through with, and
painting it as he went along, taking
what was left in the bottom Of the pots
after his neighbors had painted then
bobsleds OF their tree boxes-little ia.
vors thankfully received-and Their
surnonnting the whole pile with O
potpouri of roof, a grand farewell in.
cubus OF humps and hollows for the
rain to wander through and seek out
the different cells where the lunatics
live who inhabit it.
l tell my friend of one thing that
thought would improve the looks OF
bis house. He asked me eagerly
what it could be. l said it would take
a man of great courage to do it fol-
him. He said he didn't care for that
He would do it himself. If it only
needed n thing he would never res
till he had it, whatever it might be.
Then told him that he had a friend
one he could trust-who would stea
in there some night while the famll,
were away, and scratch a match on the
leg Of his breeches or on the breeche.
of any other gentleman. who happen
ed to be present, and hold it where i
would ignite the alleged house, anc
then remain there to see that the fire
department did not NEEDLE with it, he
would confer a great favor on one
who would c%heerfully retaliate in kline
on call.-BW Wye IN Chattanooga
Times.
An Expensive Luxury.
More than ever before has it beer