The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1885-07-10

cooked!"
Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him a pie
pan into which he dropped his bottom
crust, and then poured in the mince
meat.
''Got to lift your teeth pretty high
to get around some of the meat" he
observed, as he tried to poke the
Jumps into position with stick.
II M not sure whether mother used to
CRATE the meat or crack il with ham,
mer, but it don't make so much diff
ference. It's the crust that talks,
when you come to conversation on pie.
Now, you do this" and he marked
out sprig on the top crust with his
thumb; land when you get it on, thus.
you pinch it around the edges, so.
SeeP My mother used to have an old
wheel out of a wooden clock, and she
printed landscapes in holes all over
the pie. But that isn't necessary. 1t
adds luster, but no dignity, to the per-
formance. Now, we put it in the
oven, this wise, and in a short time we
will have accomplished results in the
immediate line of pie"
cit is really wonderful how well you
remember how your mother made
them," smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"You won't feel badly because it
beats yours?' said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
kindly. s'You won't cry?' and he
chucked her under the chin, and
opened the stove door cautiously to see
how affairs were progressing.
"I'H try not to-" replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, casting her eyes down,
and suppressing something that sound
ed like sob.
ssLet's see. You stick in a broom
splint, don't you, when you want to
know If the pie is done? Where's
your broom? Show me the happy
broom that is to be immortalized by
testing this grand apotheosis of pie!"
Mrs. Spoopendyke produced the
broom, and the husband, carefully Sc
lecting one of the splints, jabbed away
at the upper crust.
s.It won't go in,' he remarked, rath-
er dolefully. selecting another with
similar results. '.The trouble is with
the broom. Haven't you got broom
that knows something about its busl-
ness, or is this one of those pious
brooms that won't work on Sundays?"
and he broke up several more splints
in a vain endeavor to penetrate the
pie.
Hadn't you better try the handle,
dear?" suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
mo, L hadn't better try the handle,
dear!" mimicked Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Come out here, and let's see what's
the occasion of this uncalled for resist
ance!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke hauled
his pie out of the oven and fired it
down on the table. ''Got an idea that
you're going to be assassinated with
broom splint, haven't YEP Think
you re sort of a bulwark of Ameri-
can liberties and bound to resent for
eign Intervention, don't ye2 Well,
you amt; you're only measly pie,
and you're going to have something
stuck in We, if it takes cold chisel
and cannon!" and Mr.. Spoodendyke
stabbed at it with a fork, and then
with a chopping- knife. without pro-
ducing the faintest impression.
you're up in pie, what dye suppose
is the matter with the thingP" he
asked, turning on his wife.
''If I'd been your mother, should
have put some lard in the crust" re-
turned Mrs. Spoopendyke, compla-
Gently.
81 don't know how you're going to
get lard in crust that you can't pene-
with beyonet!" retorted Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, upon whom it began to dawn
that there was hitch somewhere.
s'I've almost forgotten how. mother
did try pies to see if they were DONE"
s'Did she ever try a club?'' inquired
Mrs. Spoopendyke ke, timidly.
''No, she didn't try a clubr' roared
Mr.. Spoopendyke. Come thither, my
gentle pie!" he howled, planting his
fist in the middle of the apparatus.
s'Listen to the voice of the siren in
quiringly within! and he dropped it on
the floor, and planted his heel upon it.
Front door closed for repairs; en-
trance at the backn' and he kicked the
whole business to the ceiling.
''Your mother must have been very
vigorous for her age," observed Mrs.
calmly. |
.sI'ts those gasted Jumps of meat"
snarled Mr.. Spoopendyke, picking up
his pie, and examining its knobs and
bumps attentively. 81 thought they'd
melt when subjected to intense heat.
Anyway, the inside of that pie is all
right, if 1 could only get the lid off.
Got anything I can get under the
edge and lift the roof off this businessa
Gimme that can opener! Give way,
now! Whoop! Once more! Ri yah! All
together, now! Whe-e-e! There she
comes!" And the crush gave way re-
veallg chunks of beef and apple par
ings, half-cooked, and still steaming. !
81 suppose your mother put in the
spices and cider after the hired man
had wrenched the pie open,' remarked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, solemnly. =
you do, do YEP" squealed Mr..
Spoopendyke, sqatting down and
resting his hands on his knees. while
he grinned in his wife's face. '.That
lump of quicksilver you call your
mind, has got around to where it
transacts the supposing business, has
it? P'raps you don't like the pie! I
s'pose you've got some fashionable no.
ton that you don't care to associate
with this pie! Well, you needn't. I
don't force unpleasant acquaintances
on my wife. believe in making home
a paradise, I do! Go forth, pie!'' and
he SHE'D it through the window, glass,
sash, and all. "That suit youP' he