The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1885-07-31
FACT AND FANCY.

boarding house yards. They lead tn,
ooarderS to believe his breakfast egg
are freshly laid.
One of the most wonderful facts o.
the present age is the way actors con
tlnue to remain young American
tragedians" until they are past 80.
1t is said that Jay Gould dislikes
railroad travelling. Perhaps he i.
afraid of being drowned. He wei
knows the amount of water on the
roads.
a man can get gloriously drunk in
Japan for 20 cents. This is why the
Japanese who come to America save
their money aud take it home witt
them.
Instructor in Rhetoric-Give an ex
ample of a syllogism. Logical Fresh.
man-Au men are more or less alike
| am man; therefore l am more OF
less alike.
Terrible railroad accident yester.
day, wasn't it?" Hadn't heard of it,
what was it?" "The X road. YOU
know it?" Eyes, well?" sit paid a
dividend"
The aim of Chinese parents is to so
tutor their boys that if one of them
happens to sit down ON an eight-ounce
tack in the presence of company he
won't even bob up.
There are only two occasions when
man finds out what an atrocious viii
liam he is. The first is when he runs
Tor the aldermanship of his ward, and
the second is when his wife sues him
| Tor divorce.
81 have never given you credit for
knowing very much, madam said a
blunt old bachelor, "but--" Sir"
she Interrupted, do you wish to IN
suit" But" he continued, 'I
have always admired your grace and
beauty" Il accept your apology"
said the lady.
Frenchman Ito Kentucky citizen)-
sven re friend ask you re invite to
take &c drink viskey, vat you say in
AnglaiSP" Kentucky Citizen-''Don't
care if l do" "Doncar tido, oui But
ven you refuse re invite. zen vat you
say in Anglais?" "Well--er-I guess
you've got me now, Frenchy."
my DEAR" said frightened hus-
band in the middle of the night shak-
ing his wife, "where did you put that
bottle of strychnineP" ION the shelf,
next to the peppermint. 80, Lordr
he graoned, "I've swallowed it,"
''Wel, for goodness sake," whisper
ed his wife, "keep quiet, or you'll
wake the baby"
Did your story win the prizeP" "No,
but it came near winning it. 1t fail
ed only IN one stipulation. "And
what was thatP" sit was to have the
editors hair stand on end" "Oh, l
see. 1t wasn't exciting enough"
Eyes, 1t was" "Then why didn't it
make the EDITORS hair stand on endP"
ale hadn't any. He was bald-head-
ed"
AT an evening party Dumley was in !
troduced to young lady, and after a !
remark about the weather he said,
gallantly: ''And have l really the
pleasure of meeting the beautiful
Miss Smith, whose praises are being
sounded by everybody" "Oh, no,
Mr. Dumley," the lady replied; "the
beautiful Miss Smith to whom you re-
fer is cousin of mine" sob. that's
it. Well, thought there must be
mistake somewhere, said the gallant
Dumley.
A Fellow to be Trusted What do
you think of Bliffkins, Brown"
pretty fair sort of chap IN his way,
believe. y "Do you know him wellP"
''Oh, yes; l am very well acquainted
with him, indeed" ''And you con-
slider him a man to be trusted?" mo
loubt of it." "What do you base
your opinion upon?" Personal ex-
Flows thatP" ''Well,
'egan trusting Bliffkins shortly after
became acquainted with him, and
m trusting him still"
Gentleman-I am sorry to learn of
our wIfe's death. Uncle Rastus. I'm ,
lie Rrastus-SahP Gentleman-I say
hat am sorry to hear that your wife
as recently died. Uncle Rastus with ,
puzzled look)-I giss da' am some
,stake bout dat, Mistah Brown. 1 !
# de ole CONAN in gud health dis !
lawnin', sab. Who said she wah /,
eadP Gentleman-rve forgotten {
ow. Uncle Rastus (his face clearing =
p)-Oh, ya'as, now I understands, 4
all. Dat wuz err formal wife oh mine, .
Iistah Brown. She died mon foah ),
eeks ago. De present incumbent am .
Il right. n
Little Ernest, small boy recently '
from kits, walked into s.
lie nursery one morning and was t
ute Disguised upon finding that it ii
i'd not been put in order for the day I,
one of the rules of the house being "
lat no playthings should be brought
1t until the sweeping was done. He
1T the room for II short time, and
lding matters no better on his return h
impa;iently: "Well, hasn't p
is room been sweeped yet?" "Why, 81
nest" said his mother, "do you re
ink that is good grammerp" "Oh n,
sll, them" said he, ''has IL been ri
'openp" IT
In an Arkansas town, several nights u,
o, II mob, led by desperate man, til
srched to the Jail, dragged muir G
rer from the cell, and hurried with sh
IL to the outskirts of the town. III
oh man wore an expression of de- m
mination-features hardened by e.