The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-06-19
VARIETIES.

-"Girls will be girls" says contempora-
ry. Oh, no, that's mistake. If girls wishes
are consulted they will be married women
some day.
MA, this paper says there arc 1850 bands
of mercy in this country What is band of
mercy?" can association for charitable pur-
poses. child" ooh | thought it meant
brass band that didn't practice evenings"
you are not afraid of the dog, are you
bub?" mo, ma'am." swell, then, why
don't you come right in? He won't hurt
you" "Im too timid, ma'am-that's what
ails me-, I'm always bashful when there's
dogs about"
-"Prohibition is a good thing" remarked
a business like passenger; II believe in it
and would like to see it adopted in every
State OF the Union. It's good for my bust
ness" "What business are you in ?" "Man-
ufacturing pint and half-pint TASKS"
-"Your age?" asked the Judge "Thirty-
five, your honor" replied the woman. Judge
But you were 80 the last time you were
here, three years ago" Shetland does
your honor think I'm the woman to say one
thing one day and another thing anolher?"
,,-Judge-"Murphy, you are drunk again
M.-"1esh, your ronor." J.-"Didn't you
soemnly promise me when let you off last
time that you would never get drunk again ?"
Ny esh, your-ronor; but l wush drunk
at the time, your-ronor. Mustn't 'sponsiblc
for what shaid"
1T has always seemed very curious
thing to NC" said the lady at the theater,
and then she paused. "Well," said her hus-
band little impatiently, what is that al
ways seemed such curious thing to your"
"Why, that baldheaded men should care to
sit so near the flies"
A ;,,1 i. l.
duty of husband to let his wife know
where he spends his evening when away from
home That judge lacks experience and
judgment. If u wife knew where her hus-
band spent his evenings when away from
home, she would be more unhappy than
ever.
II don't know about going bail for you,
Sam. You are bad niger and ought to be
locked up. You're disgrace to the COM
munity." 81 know | is, sab. Use bad mig.
gah ebbery way. But if you will go my bail
dis time, boss, III jump the country to-mor-
row mawnin' aud nebber come back Deed
won't"
journalistic Item-A young man of abil-
ity but not of much II cans was talking about
starting new paper in Houston and was
telling friend about it. "You can borrow
$50 and start a new pGper," said the friend
encouragingly you darned fool p' replied
the would-be journalist "if l could borrow
500, what would want to start a paper for?
l want to start paper so | can borrow the
$50"
-"Are you going 10 Coney Island this
summer ?" asked New York man to a friend
who is an invalid "Oh, yes, and am going
to battle three times day." was the reply.
"Do you think it will do you any good 7"
"4es; the doctor says l must take toddy
after each bath to restore the circulation.
That's why it does me good" "Well, am
going too, this summer. That's just the kind
of an invalid am"
"A gentleman of our acquaintance tells us
thefollowing good story, which goes to show
that the average boy has what Mrs. Parting
ton would call a "judicious" mind. He, the
boy wanted TO go in swimming. "But, my
son." rcjoined the anxious parent "swim-
ming is unhealthy. 1t was only this morn
ing that you were complaining of pain in
your stomach" THAT'S so, pa, but l know
how to swim on my back"
She had but recently arrived from the
"owld country" and being sent out in front
of the house to water large bed of crimson
petunias, the following conversation took
place between herself and the youngest son
and heir: 81 say, Bridget, what's the name
ofthose red howers?" "Shure, now, don't
like to tell we. 'Tisn't noce name they
have at all, dear; for twas up at the house
heard your own mother herself calling thin
spitunias."
1t is said that Tom Corwin, as he is
Familiarity called, was once trying easel in
which he was opposed to the late VIM. Writ,
when the latter tried somewhat novel mode
of discrediting the evidence of Mr.. Corwin's
chief witness, on whose accuracy and discri
mination everything turned, by showing that
he was person of astonishing credulty.
Wirt.-"Have you ever read Robinson
Crusoe ?"'
Witness-"Yes."
Wirt.-"Do you believe it all ~
Witness.-"Well, yes, squire, don't know
but what Ido."
The same answer was returned to "Gul-
liver's Travels and several other works of
fiction, Corwin all the while fidgeting and
getting hot. Presently. Mr. Writ, consider
ing the man entirely tlattencd out, resigned
him with bland smile.
Mr.. Corwin said he had only one question
to ask and put it:
Mr.. Corwin.-Have you read 'Wirt's Life
of Patrick Henry?"
Witness.-"Yes."
Corwin.-Do you believe it all ?"
Witness.-"Why, no, squire, can't quite
go that"