The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1885-09-04
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

A big diamond-The baseball field
Life
"Stick to it," as the fly paper observed
to the fly Graphic.
Guns are only human, after all. They
will kick when the load becomes too
heavy. Merchant TraUeler.
When a barber seeks to make himself
sociable with customer in the chair, he
is only ''scraping an acquaintance.
81 catch on" was probably what the
fish said when he took the baited hook.
"He weighed five pounds, was proba-
bly, the lie told by the tisherman.-De-
troW Free Press.
Dude-"You love me then, Miss
Lydia" Lydia-"Love is perhaps some
what too much to say. At least | have
sympathy for you, because your face re-
sembles so much that of my poor dead
Fido."
Some Eastern poetess asks the conun-
drum: "Oh, where does beauty linger"
Our Office hours are from eight to six;
mornings, Moons and evenings generally
at home, or out walking with the family.
-Peck's Sun.
Little Bess to gentleman caller: "You
amt black, are GU, Mr.. M" "Black,
child2-why no, l should hope not.
What made you think | was" "Oh,
nothin', 'cept pa SAID YOU was awful Mig
gardly. y Burlington Free Press.
Some one says 'only one woman in
thousand can whistle" Every once in
a while during the heated term, and
when the whole world looks dismal and
4 lri,rht e bO,Na IogcopAo
10 cheer the hearts of men.
General Washington went fishing at
least once. And on that occasion he
caught IA trout at least four inches long.
| While down at the corner grocery in the
evening, after returning from his angling
tour, he was asked how much the trout
weighed, when he uttered those memoir
able words, viz. Il cannot tell a lie. 1t
weighed seventeen and half pounds. {"
-NO1ritocA Herald.
She'd lovely little pug
| With very ugly mug;
! And she nursed it, and she coddled it, and
kissed it:
She said it was so sweet
1t was good enough to eat;
But, alas. one day it happened that she
| missed it,
And she advertised, but ne'er
Did she more Set eyes uron that canine
| wilmer;
But at last she traced its fate
And found cruel to relate,
He'd been eaten by laundryman of China.
-BoStOn Gazette.
1t is said of the Boston girl who got
lost up in the Catskills the other day
that she shouted in an intellectual tone
| IS ,o,,,iro n
honorable man of culture and refine.
ment.n When the farmer who found
her was leading her back to the hotel
she asked him if he was regular sub
scriber to the atlantic N0nthjY, and if
he had read Natural Laws of the Spri-
tual world" And when he said NO"
she forgot to thank him for his assist.
Rnce. -Ne,o York Mail.
THE LoCUsTS FATE.
A low locust sat in high locust tree,
And he sang to his mate, "Zeezee, zeezee;
It's many a year since I've seen the bright
sun;
It's many a year since I've had any fun;
And, my dear, If don't paint everything
red,
1t will be zee zee
Now you see, zee zee,
Because every green leaf in the country is
| deadn
But sparrow sat up in the same locust
tee;
And much oftener cussed than the locust
was he.
And he said to his mate, There's bug over
| there
Such a nice little norsel for a fond loving
pair;
Just wait here minute, and I'll take the
boy in.
Now don't lip-chip-chip-
Amt he tip-chip-chip-!'
And when they were through there was left
| but skin.
Washington Star.