The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-01

IL thSA y WOhO % Bht<o III otaS@esDf ~
ought to go to the Irishman who vowed
to hang himself or perish in the at
Tempt"
"WelI, should give it to the hero Of
Dumas companions of Jehu.'"
why, what did he do?"
Our talk was being carried on upon
the hurricane-deck of homeward-
bound steamer from the Cape, in the
full enjoyment of doing nothing, after
all the excitement of Zululand and the
Transyaal border.
well, seemingly he objected to tax
ing his own life, SO he was always try
ing to get somebody else to do it for
him, and the more he tried, the more
he didn't succeed. Once no quarreled
with frst-rate swordsmsn, and killed
him without getting a scratch himself
Another time he went in amcGs band
of robbers, and they let him go scot
free. Then he challenged an English
man who was dead shot, and John
Bull fired in the air. At last he threw
himself into the thick of the battle of
Marengo, fired his pistol into a powder
wagon, and blew up not only himself,
but an entire Austrian regiment as
we'll"
"His report in that magazine must
have made some noise in the world"
remarked Capt. Crawford, of the til
Foot.
Come, don't you begin trying to
make jokes, Crawford, or I'll Jump
overheard" said Lieutenant Mason, of
the naval brigade. "After all, that fell
low didn't beat the wind-up of Bur-
nand's thrilling tale in the dime
novel style: And with wild cry the
wretched man plunged the dagger into
his heart, discharged the revolver
through his brain, swallowed the dead
ly poison, and sprang from the bridge
into the gloomy river below. But his
hour was not yet Gomez"
"Well, he deserved no credit, be-
cause he didn't succeed, as the German
editor said of the man who tried to kill
Bismarck. But, after all, who ever
heard of such things in real life?
Guess l have, anyhow"
We all started and looked around,
no one having noticed the presence of
Mr.. Hiram p. Dollarsworth, U. S.,
who, indeed, was as habitually silent
as the great General whom fame has
credited with the power of "holding
his tongue in ten languages.
Il kin beat that, reckin," pursued
our taciturn friend "Hev any of We
ever been at st. Malo?"
Il was there in 1864, Mr.. Dollars
WORTH" said 1; $50 can guess to what
story you refer, but I'm sure these
gentlemen will be glad to hear you
tell it."
Wall, guess it's worth tellin'," re-
joined the Yankee, with grim chuckle,
though L don't know if they'll believe
it, neither. You see, thar was young
French officer thar in my time,
one O. them young geese that
think the hull worlds out of
lint if their toe aches. One day
having nothin' better to do, Is'pose-he
made up his mind to kill himself, and,
like them highfalutin' Frenchers always
do, he concluded to fix it so as his sui
eide should be 'the talk of all Europe
So he gifts up airly one mornin', and
down he goes to the beach. takin' with
him rope, and pistol, and vial of
pizon, and q matchbox. Then he
climbs up one of the tide-mark posts
that's set in O row thar, just as the sea
was clost up to it, and he bitches one
eend o the rope around the cross-piece
at the top, and the other eend around
his neck, and then he set his clothes
afire with match, and swallered the
pizon, and let slap the pistol at his
head, and chucked himself off the post,
all to once"
"Well, he certainly deserved to sue
coed, after taking so much palms," said
Lieutenant Mason, as well as he could
speak for laughing.
"Guess he didn't, though" answered
Mr.. Dollarsworth; "for it was iist a
case of too many cooks Spite the
BROTH The bullet, Stead o. goin'
through his skull-whar it wouldn't
hev found many brains to stop it, 1
reckin-cut the rope and let him slick
down ker-swosh into the sea, and put
out the fire right away Then swal-
lerin' the saltwater made him sick, and
so he got rid of the pizon; and as if all
that warn't disappointing enough, the
food-tide washed him ashore all alive
and fresh, as them lying fish-dealers
say. But if he wanted to be 'the talk
of all Europe, 1 guess he got his wish;
for every newspaper on the hull CONT
nent had that story fore the month was
up, and the poor critter got so e-tar-
nally laughed at that he concluded to
jine the Mexikin Expedition till the
thing blew over" -DaUid Ker, IN Ed
itor's DraCer, Harper's Magazine.
Black and Brown Rats.