The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1885-05-02
THE PENALTIES OF CIVILIZATION.
Trials and Tribuiations of the Man Who
Wears the Regulation Costume.

New York Dawn.
What taxes do we pay for being civilized
just look at these two pictures, the one OF a saw
ave and the other of a civilized man sallying
forth for his days work. The savage siezes his
bow and arrow, and perhaps his tomahawk, and
bounces out of his tent, leaving Mrs. S. to bring
water from the stream, and to skirmish round
for dry wood to build a fire wherewith to cook
the squirrel, opossum. rattlesnake, or other
vemin he may bring home with him.
Mr.. Nineteen Percentury has eaten a light
breakfast, consisting of fried fish, omelette aux
fines herbes, beefsteak and wheat cakes. pre-
coded by an early glass Of seltzer water, and is
about to start for business. First he puts on his
his WHISTLES; then he feels in his
pocket to see if his watch is there,
and compares it with the parior clock to
ascertain whether they agree: feels in his inside
bTeast-pocket to assure himself that certain doc
uments are there; feels in his outside breast
pocket to know that his handkerchief is all right;
slaps his pantaloons pocket TO satisfy himself
that his wallet has not been left in his dress
trousers the calls his business garments panta-
looms or pants, and his social ones trousers);
then he looks inquiringly toward the ceiling,
trying to think whether there is anything else.
Here Mrs. N. p. comes in, a consulting inquirer.
Have you got your pen-knifeP
No, he has not, and he is sure to want it during
the day. 1t is found on the table in the next
room. He places it in his right hand vest
pocket.
Have you got your pencil case and memoran-
dunn hook?p
No-hunt-found-left hand vest pocket.
Cigar case2p
He feels left hand overcoat pocket. Eyes, all
right"
Match case7'
Feels-yes-examined-empty - replenishes-
left hand pantaloon's pocket.
"Ofice keys?n
Feels-yes-all right.
Latch key2'
Feels pistol pocket-yes.
Searches through six pockets-no-must be in
dress waistcoat. 1t Observation-Disclosures
left-hand vest pocket.
Don't forget those letters you have to mail"
"Oh, no." Letters want stamp-none in the
house-never mind-get them at druggists, only
he is always out of ~them-letters to be carried
in hand.
Don't go without your paper to read in the
cars"
''Oh, dear, no: where is itan Paper found
left-hand ~overcoat pocket.
Umbrella? 1t might rain"
ugh" He doesn't OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES OUT
of window. 'See weather acknowledgements
paper-safest perhaps to take it. Umbrella
propped up against the table, handy.
Now, are you sure you have the right change
for your car farew
Feels change pocket-pants pocket-no-ten
cents borrowed from wife-all rignt-now he'll
be off. Buttons up overcoat, pulls on gloves,
picks up letters and umbrella. Good bye"
''Oh, have you got your eye-glasses9"
Umbrella and letters placed on chair, glasses
taken off. coat NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. through
numberless pockets. No-probably dress waist
coat-yes-upper left-hand vest p~ocket-butto1
up, umbrella, letters-all right. Good bye"
"Oh! Niney, dear. you better leave me a little
money before you go, ! want to pay Madame
Hazelqui,ke to-day"
And this is civilization.