Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
ROBINSON'S WIFE.
A Custom House Sketch by a Man of
Experience.


to say how long we have been mar
ried, but it is several years ago. At
that time travelling in Europe was
hedged about with many difficulties
from which now it is, thank heaven,
comparatively free. Passports We're
to be provided, and what not, and ia
short, It was the end and object of
every petty principality-this was be-
fore '66, and sovereign prince were as
plenty as blackberries in mid Europe
to make it as unpleasant as possible
for any traveller not properly accred>
tied to his or their serene Highness.
However, this has little or moth
ing to do with my story, which res
lates exclusively to my experience
with the Custom House officials, ex-
cept it be to explain how everybody
was suspicious Of everybody else, and
where diamond cut diamond was the
order of the day, thieves and advent
urers generally passed the frontiers
triumphant, while otherwise honest
folk frequently paid the penalty of
being caught in an occasional breach
of the moralities.
''Now my wife, like all her sex, had
peculiar notions on the subject Of
contraband goods. She held-in COM
mon, | am bound to say, with many
otherwise scrupulously honest folks
that Custom House officials were only
invented for the annoyance of travel
ers, and as such it was not only al
lowable but praiseworthy to circum-
vent them IN every possible way.
''In short, it was case of ali being
fair in love or war. They were there
to detect and prevent the passage of
certain articles. It was obviously the
duty Of every right minded person to
res ent this arbitrary conduct on their
part by carrying from one country to
another as many of the said articles,
concealed more or less ingeniously
upon their persons, as the nature Of
the case permitted.
Il, on the contrary, not only had
seriously qualns as to the honesty of
the proceeding IN question, but being
then, as now, of naturally timid
disposition / conceived that the pleas
ure of evading the payment of few
dollars on a piece of lace or box of
cigars would be dearly purchased by
the anxiety which / should endure
when I perceived the eye of G stern
visaged official fixed upon me, and
felt that [ looked like murderer, and
should politely be detained on suspi
ciOn. and perhaps searched.
Gwen the tenor of this last appeal
to her reason failed to convince my
wife. :"
CT am sure no one would ever
want to search me, she insisted. And
I really don't see the harm.
''To which l replied in the words of
a well-known novelist that L had
never known but one woman who
could understand reason, and she
wouldn't listen to it.
"Well, to make long story short,
we argued the question out until both
of us became quite warm, and ended
by absolutely forbidding my wife to
carry anything of a contraband nature
on her person. She made no reply,
and /, fond man, supposed the matter
settled [ had only been married a
few months, and | had the most
absurd ideas-as my wife will
tell you-on the subject of duty and
obedience, and SO forth. You see I did
not know the six.
eve had q delightful run through
Europe without any special disaster,
ana my wife's air of injured inno-
cence-expressed for the most in very
Indifferent French, but making up in
expression what it lacked in idiom-
when asked to declare any dutiable
articles, was positively beyond de-
scription.
ct was at Brussels, I think, that I
read Ia one of the English papers of
the arrest of French women at Dover
charged with smuggling over guam
tity of lace which they had wrapped
around their persons under their
clothing, and which was only discov-
cred on their being searched by the
officials.
1.-THE writer added that a regular
corps Of female searchers mad been
added to the department, and that
suspicious characters were invited to
step in and interview these ladies with
view to indicating their appear
ance or falling under the tenure Of the
law.
81 showed the paper to my wife,
whose only comment was, More fools
they
It suppose she meant to express her
contempt for women who were fool
ish enough to look suspicious. [
thought at the time she intended to
convey her opinion of the folly of at
tempting to outwit her Most Gracious
Majesty's servants, and [ felt relieved
at the idea that my arguments had
prevailed upon her at last.
"Once more, Brown, old fellow, I
showed my ignorance OF the sex. My
arguments had had precisely the
same weight with her as my COM
mands.
Mrs. Robinson spent a good deal
of money in Brussels. Indeed, when
on our way to Ostend came to add
up the amount / had given her during
our short stay. [ felt, [ must confess,
little staggered to find how much.
But it seemed little early to allude
to such mundane matters, and held
my peace, only considering what the
dickens she had pot In show for If