The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1885-01-28
HUMOR OF HI DAY,

A foury composition-A bread pud-
ding.
Little Bedouin boys ore allowed al
the dessert they want.
A near-sighted man can be in the best
of health and yet look badly.
Its rather q singular thing that if you
expect to find coal you must look for it
in vein.
Fashionable walking sticks are very
heavy this winter. It will now be sim
ply impossible to tell the dude from the
cane.-BwlMgton Free Press.
Victor Hugo, at the age of eighty
three, is building a house and overseeing
the work himself, so as to be certain it
will stand a lifetime. -Detroit Free Press.
Don't fret if you cannot get into So
ciety. The oyster is often present at q
supper when he would perhaps prefer to
be at home in his bcd.-Boston Courier.
Kate Field says: "Mormon wives arc
horrible cooks" This is not strange.
It is q maxim old as the hills: TOO
many cooks spoil the roth."-lnter-
Ocean.
An old maid in Nashville keeps a par
| rot which swears, and a monkey which
| chews tobacco. She says, between the
two, she doesn't miss a husband very
much. Isareler.
A lady in Connecticut has q harp three
hundred years old, and johnson. says he
wants her to come to his boarding house
and match it against a piano he hears
there every day.-Mrchant- Traee!er.
Florence Marryat asks. in a lecture an
hour and o half long; "What shall we
Women do with our Men2" If Florence
would apply to a widow she would get
a correct answer inside of five minutes.
"Don't talk to me about Wagner. |
was an intimate friend of Rossini, and l
admire his music above all other operas"
81 think William Tell his best work"
"Do you know his 'Barber3'" mo, l
always shave myself"
A chicken was killed in Wilkes u
ty, Pa, recently, and three brass buttons
and the shell of q pistol cartridge were
found in its gizzard. Now we know
what his become of the United States
army.-Boston Transcript.
NAKED TRUTH
Little drops Of printers ink.
And little type "displayed,"
Make our merchants princes,
With all their big parade.
Little bits of stinginess--
Discarding printers ink
"Busts" the man Of business,
And sees his credit sink.
Bloomington Eye.
"Td have you know, sir" said the
iratc citizen to aman or the street, "that
nv wife is a heightened woman, and I
won't allow you to say q word against
her." Enlightened" replied the other,
II should say she is heightened; you can
hear her o mile when she is quarreling
with the n~eighhors."
"Ah, yes," he said, II love you" 81
am not young, John. There IS a little
gray in my hair, and some younger
woman may" "Never. All, my W
darling, you remember what the poet
saws, 1.-THE old is always the best" The
engagement was suddenly broken off,
San Francisco Chronicle.
"G~entlemen,n said an a%uctioneer, with
true pathos, ''if my father and my
mother stood where you stand, and did
not buy this stew-pan, this elegant stew.
pan, going at one dollar, I should feel it
my bounden duty as q son to tell both
of them they were false to their country
and false to themselves. -1rgon0ut.
BICYCLE BLISS.
A pleasant ride,
A gutter wide,
4 bruised and battered form.
Alaughing girl,
With flying curl,
Helps the 'cycler so forlorn.
A month Of calm,
To mend an arm,
His nurse that charming dame.
Gay Cupid's dart,
Pierced 'cycler's heart,
And kindied loves bright flame.
No,n VorL. .TOurunL