The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-07-23
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
IT is often the man that Is right who
is left.-Teras Strings.
The rooster has the most eg-otism,
but the hen has the most eggs.-Teras
Siffings.
IRIS poor rule that schoolma'am
cannot work in different directions
brakes Magazine.
WE contracted a cold last week, but
il has spread all over us agsin.-Bttr-
li1lgtOn Free Press.
IRIS bad to be out OF pocket, but it's
all up with you when you're entirely
out of breath. Gazette.
WHY is the Admiral of the American
navy like an appurtenance OF hotel?
Because he is Porter?
LIFE may not be worth the keeping,
but it is worth the giving up when
there is policy for $1,000 on it,
Merchant TrGUeler.
"THERE isn't much family likeness in
our family" said Johnny Dumpsey,
"and what there is is mostly for pie. -
Burlington Free Press.
THAT ladies easily learn to play the
violin is not surprising when their ex-
perience in handling beaux is taken
into OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
THE thief who steals a dollar
Can never rest content,
And enjoy the biisstul peace
OF him who earns a cent.
Whitehall Times.
A BosToN millionaire left his wife
her weight IN gold annually. The
celebrity with which she threw her bot
tie of anti-fat out of the window chal-
lenged admiration. Paul Herald.
ARE you of German extraction"
asked young lady of gentleman
whom she met the other evening at
party. We'll, no; not exactly" re-
piled he, "but have a cousin who
plays on the German flute. Cart
Pretzers Weekly.
DANIEL WEBSTER called tobacco "the
great catholicon which inspires immov-
able courage" DanI had evidently
finished smoking "two-fer," and was
en- route for the tobacconist's, with
club, when he gave this definition
Merchant Traveller.
sALLY's WONDER.
Gayly the bicycler
Glides Der the tar,
Like a dem- god olden
Astride OF q star.
His girl ut the easement sits
Watching his pranks.
While Sally the cook. cries. "MyI
Look at them shanksl
-Wdsht0otOn Hdtchef
WOMAN, God bless her bright eyes,
can make roses blossom in the desert,
and when so minded she can give to the
most commonplace affairs of life rather
much of a rainbow look, but to save her
eyebrows she can't use a pen without
getting ink on her fingers any more
than she can remember the day of the
month. Chicago Ledger.
"CoME here to me, you good-for-
nothing thing" exclaimed pious farm
err addressing his son. "You ought to
be ashamed of yourself, going fishing
on Sunday" Il didn't GO fishing, pap.
I only went down the lane to throw
rocks at them boys "Oh, we'll, that's
all right, then. Recollect, my son, you
must never violate the Sabbath"
Arkdnsdo Traveller.
THE REVISED VERSION.
monkey and parrot once
Left in a room together
Began to fight. and fought so hard
They nearly killed each other.
Their mistress coming home perceived
Their wrongs they had been righiing,
And said to them. I'm deeply grieved
To think that you've been fighting.
The monkey really felt quite bad
In thinking of his crime:
The parrot. gleeful, said, We've had
sheol OF time!"
-BOstOn Courier.
"AND so you admire his teeth,
Laura?" "Yes; certainly do think he
has the most beautiful teeth / ever saw
It's wrong to be envious, know, but I
never seen him smile but what / think
I'd give a hundred dollars if could
have his teeth" why, you poor silly
girl, that would be the same as throw
ing money away" "Why so, dear?"
Because he only paid ten dollars for
them when they were brand-new."-
Chicago Ledger.