Morning journal and courier., 1885-08-10
UNTOLD.

'Are you ills' asked the physician; '1et ! me your tongue, please" 'sIt's no use, doctor" replied the patient; E'no tongue can | tell how bad feel"
 '.Theres something in this cigar that makes me sick, said pale little boy to his sister ''I know what it is," responded the | little girl; ''its tobacker!'' A gentleman said to minister: "When do you expect to see Deacon s. again!" tNever," said the reverend gentleman sol emnly ''The deacon is in heaven "-Inde- pendent.
 Jones had just returned from vacation l trip to the South Shore. When asked if he ! had seen any Duxbury clans, he said he did not, but he had seen dogs bury bones.-Bos- ton Transcript.
 An Irshman wrote thus to the wife of a sick brother; eff Jamie isn't dead yet, re- moind him of the twenty shillings he owes me on the pigs if he is, tell him not to give himself any consurrun about It." Pat, having been on spree, fell down one flight of stairs and landed at the top of the next. Looking down the first flight, he raised himself up, he exclaimed: 'sBedad, that's the first time I iver fell up sthairs wid such force."
 Mamie-Why, Sadie, you have let your hair grow dark again. Last time saw you it was lovely blonde. Sadie-Yes, dear, but you know I am in mourning now for poor, dear papa. Pm not wearing light shades at all.-Chicago Rambler. A doubtful diagnosis. ''I'm 'fraid, Missus Brown dat dish yer is a of de gastrick febah.' Mrs. Brown: "Wa'al, doan see how he ketched de gastrick febah roun' heah, kase we doan burn muffin but karisene, an powerful little CT dat. "-Har- per's BaZar.
 ''Is the 'coon smart animal?' asked stranger of old Si Jackson on Onion Creek. 'tTalk about 'coons being smart, I should say dey was smart?" ''Well how smart are theys" "A 'coon played me de meanest trick you eber heard tell on. I foun' hole whar de 'coon went inter de groun' and I waited dar all day long to shoot dat coon and when he did come out he was polecat." Texas Siftings.
 Simon Gardiner, citizen of Blossom Cove, recently addressed an important letter to the governor. The following is an extract from the communication: 'I have this here day named fine boy after you He is as lively as harvest's hands appetite and can squawl louder than goat. How I do wish you could see him. His mother dead set on naming him after his Uncle John be- cause John keeps store, but says No; no, mother, says I, i've will name him after the governor of this here State. We aint never showed our respect for none of the governors, eand it's high time let me tell you.' Whats the use in naming him after the governor?' says mother. He will forgit it in five minutes and never will send the child nothing and he is needing of every thing Tut, mother, John won't give him anything Yes, he will,' mother says. John will do the right thing, see if he don't I wouldn't give in, though, and now the child is named after you. How I wish you could see him. It would tickle you mighty nigh to death. He is mighty scarce O duds, but he got voice like a calf. He is the peartest chap ever seen in my born days. Mother wants to bet me that you won't send him nothing, but don't bet sense tuck to preaching. She lows that you air stingy, but know heep better than that. If you want to disappoint mother send-I was going to say send down something, but never mind. How do wish you could see him. "-Arkan- saw Traveller.
 SONG THE PRINTER
 Forever bending OCT my XIX.
 My hfe's not filled with FEE,
 Forever sticking to my stick
 My laborS never co.
 To do whats right make my rule,
 mind my PIP and co.
 I've got my faults, will confess,
 Nor try them X %. I loved girl named Emmaline
 My love for her was great; An Elm among a thousand EmmS,
 None could her M U late. And when she said she did return My love, with blushing grace
 printed on her lips kiss And did my Elm M-'-. Minneapolis Tribune