The Florida agriculturist., 1885-01-14
january IA.
VARIETIES.

Never fail, if gentleman, OF being
polite to the ladies.
A debating club at Quincy has decided
that 1t is more fun to see man thread
needle than woman drive nail. I"
"C5uilty or not guilty?" asked Dutch
justice of prisoner. "Not guilty.'
Den vat you want here? Go about your
piziness'
prominent lumberman has had his
coat-of-arms painted on the panels of his
carriage, with the Latin motto, "Vidi,"
which, by Interpretation is, 81 saw
The young journalist is known by the
fact that he always keeps a dictionary
handy. The old journalist does not
bother with dictionaries If not quite
sure of word he gives dab at it and
let's the printer figure it out for himself.
Philadelphia Call.
A narrow escape He, solemnly-
''You had a very narrow escape last
night, Miss Julia" She-'EMercy, what
do you mean?" He-"Well, you see,
had dream about you. l thought l
was about to kiss you, when the China
man raped at the door and l woke up. ,"
She, after pause-"The Chinese must
60"
Absent-minded.-"N Now, sir" observ-
ed the Judge in the divorce suit, "what
have you to say for yourself? Your wife
said she caught you kissing her maid"
II am very absent-minded," replied
the man. 81 thought she was my wife. !"
And the maid-what did she think ?"
'''I suppose she thought so, too. ."-Ihc
Graphic.
Wasn't to start Tannery. sc Lend me
your ear minute" remarked Mrs
Brown to her husband the other even
ing, says the New York Graphic.
"Will you give it back to me?" he in
quired, with mock anxiety.
'Of course | will, you idiot! Do you
suppose | want to start tannery?" She
got the ear.
'Oh, Lucy, if you knew the depth of
my devotion! Lucy, if you do not re-
turn my love l will kill myself Bless
you, Augustus, will return your love. -
''Oh, will you, will you? Then | am
happy beyond - eyes, Augustus, l
will return it. 1 have no use for it,
Chicago NetCS.
Not good fit.-She had bought new
jersey and for the last half hour had been
struggling to get into it.
of breath, after she had effected her
purpose, 81 shall have to send it back -
Whats the matter with it?" asked
her husband. ''Is it too small ?"
No, it's too large. ."-Detroit Post.
Duren is the third richest town in Prus-
sia, andsits millionaires evidently know
what good use to put their wealth to.
During the present year three members
nf for + ol0 Il
the Poor House with $4,000 marks, built
children's home with 100000 marks,
founded high school worth 10000
marks, and a fourth is now building an
orphan asylum.
"A boy at Presbytery examination
was asked: "What is the meaning of
regeneration ~ "Oh, to be born again, =
hereplied.o sQuite right, Tommy; you
are very good boy. Would you not
like to be born again? 2" Tommy gave
answer at last said mop .'Why, Tom
lny?" Tommy replied "For fear l
might be born assie.-Erery Other Sat
lfdQy. 40.16t,t1
They were coming out of the dime
museum, says the Chicago Ne,cs. Il
don't believe that wild man of Borneo is
avid man at all, y she whispered. "Why
mot?" he asked "He's civilized just
like other men," "What makes you
think SOP" Didn't you see the mana
ger pay him lot Of money?'' eyes, a
SEQ bill and lot of small bills" "Well,
didn't you notice how careful the wild
man was to fold the twenty outsider"
Judicial examination reported by
Pn,sclr: Judge, to witness Repeat the
prisoners statement to you, exactly in
his own words. Now, what did he say p"
Witness-"M My lord, he said he stole the
pig Judge impossible He couldn't
have used the third person" Witness
My lord, there was no third person.
Judge-1'Nonsense | suppose you mean
that he said 4 stole the pig" Witness,
slOcked-"Oh, my lord He never mem
toned your lordship's name!" Dismiss
ed ANONYMOUSLY. re.narvr
1t is utterly impossible for even sue
cessful presidential candidate to feel as
= important as a boy when he is allowed
to carry watch for the first time.
1'What time is it, sonny? ?" asked a
gentleman OF a boy on an Austin street
car. The boy smiled, and looking at his
Astronomical time piece, replied:
''Do you want the exact timer
eff you please"
elm two minutes it will be three min
utes to five minutes to a quarter past
three, replied the young gman--SJtangs
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CCNeUMPWlON CURED.