Grand Rapids morning telegram., 1885-03-04
A FRlSKY GRANDPA
Increasing in Koowlaags as ths
Years Co BY


ifs.Eks ~Aut
II uT7lerstsll ,our father is sick " ssid
= middae a st nlaa t. au.taer a. theF
ere luachins a. ths clah one day u this
aeek. Is Getting pretty wrii alsns ia years,
isngt hes"
'.Yes. he j. oser eighty aud he knows
more than any iaaa ever s4e " said tae
oas ADDRESSED you ean't teu hin any
thing"
I'VE eli, that is aics. Il aast b. pleasant
L. have father who Is so wsa posted.
What does his .reat intellis snce seem a.
run tof''
"Oh, everything" said the son of h.s
father. He does not realize that he Is
over thirty-fige years old. ani wants u
DO evorythiag that he did when he was
young. III weighs almost three hundred,
aud gets around wlth cane, aud can't
walk block IA an hour, and YET tae 9th r
day be took notion he wanted 70 ride on
horseback, aud ordered the coachnau Ia
saddle up one of the carriage horses. 1
happened along just as be had climbed up
on the woodshed 70 get on the horse, aud
knew II he ever get Oh that horse he would
fall of and split vide open. 50 tried to
AtAotn " AAu ut-tis OAA Bt y lc ifAaA anu e%AtH
1 didn't want him 10 have any fun, and
when helped him down and talked pleas
ant TO him, be cried, aEd said il was hard
10 have aa unduti.ul son that would 20
back ON his father. Ola, - is IN his Sc
oni childhood, but he does not realize IL,
poor man. He used 10 skate about seventy
years ago, and you couldn't make
him believe hs couldn't skate as we'll to-
day. The coachman thinks the old man
runs the house, and be VIII do anything
father says. The other day the family
heard crash upstairs as though the
roof had fallen in, and they went up TO
grandpa's room aud found him sitting on
the floor crying. He said he had fallen
down ia an epileptic fit, aud had been
there two hours, aud nobody had come 10
see what was the matter. He said be
might die aud nobody would care. My
wife told him he must have been doing
something unusual, but he said it was no
such a thing. They called in the coach
man To help lift him, and then it WAS Il -
veloped that father had on my sons roller
skates, which he had induced the coach
man 10 : rap Oh his feet. When told that
he was too old aud fat to skate, he said
he could skate Just as well as he ever
could If we would ie1 him alone, and not
be SO afraid that he would have any en-
jovment. Oh, it is "A great trial t. do
right by him, because he thinks We d.
every thil- 10 spite hin. II has no ju X
meat about eating, and II We suggest that
be ought not 70 eat certain thiag he
thinks are trying to starve him, and he
will eat everything in sight. During the
Il
picnic. | don't know how he does It. but
ne discovers the first watermelon and
cucumber OF the season, and iOr four
montls there is hardly a day but he 10
doubled up ike a jack-Snife with chol-
era infantum. | don't say as he en-
joys coOlera mpTbus, but think he has an
ide: that don't want him 10 have chol-
era mOrbus, and so he has it To spite as.
He may be tied up with a double bow-knOt
with cramps one day, and the next day,
when he opens on cucumbers, If l ask him
ii he don't think it is best 10 give his pan
jandrum a rest one day and refrain from
the cucumber, he will be indignant and say
he don't want no fool boy TO tell "A man of
his age what to eat; and when he is in the
throes of death from eating such stuff, be
Will say he can't imagine, for the life of
him, what has got into him to be sick 50
much, as he has always been healthy. Ii
| allude to watermelon or cucumber, be
will say those things never hurt him, and
he will lay it TO some pie. or custard, or
som -thing, or say be believes somebody
wants To get rid of him, and he is being
slowly poisoned. He had rather die than
take bath. He seems to think we want
TO drown him. He thinks everybody that
calls comes to see him, and when ths door
bel rings be gets ready to 20 down to
the parlor, and no matter who is there,
be hobbies in and shakes hands with
everybody, and says they are very kind
10 call on an old man who don't have
any comfort. He chews tobacco and ho
will 90 into he parlor when my wife has
lady callers, and take off the top Of the
coal stove and spit in the reservoir, and
complain of the unhandness OF these new
fashioned stoves, aud talk about how
handy oli-fashioned fire places used to be
TO spit in. On, sometimes be makes my
wife SD she were dead, but she is very
kind 10 him. She kicked once last summer.
though. She had consented to his going
about in his shrt-sleeves. and always viii.
Bat one day last summer. when IL was hot
be was in his room with nothing on bat
his sdiri and drawers, when the bell rang.
aud some high-toned ladies called about
some church matter. The old gentleman
was in hurry. for fear they would get
away before he could find out what they
were talking about, 80 he grabbed his cane
and came limpiDg down stairs My wife
heard him, and spoke very pleasantly,
saying. Come right in, grandpa To
say that grandpa came right in would
not be enough. He loomed up in the
parior door ike ghost, with a smile
on his face and some muskmelon seeds no
his under jaw. aud said. "a be walked Up
% a dignified lady who was near-sigbte3
wall, wall. am glad to see you sup
pose my wife came near going into a con
niption 1T Poor Old man. he bad been H.
such hurry he had forgotten his pants
He didn't know what msJe The ladies ad-
iourn 80 quick. hat when they were gone.
and nv wife beegn - give b IN piece Of
her mind, a good big piece. be admitted
that perhaps be Vas wrong iu coming