Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1885-08-14
moment. You are the man, Judge.
.-ArkaasdD TrdUeler.
Why He Was Bounced.

goods and ribbOnsP' inquired Mr..
Nathan Waltrous, senior member oil
the retail firm of Watrous & McGill.
of Houston. Texas. The party adj
dressed was "a florid young man with Il
ilord nose ilorid moustache, ami
norid hair He was, in short. quite a
Florida youth, and his name was
Theopolis Duggan.
IL reckon so,' he replied.
"Can you be suave?"
(which"
"Can YOU support becoming adj
dress in the presence OF ladies-po
likeness, suavity, you know?
"Oh, yes" answered Duggan, "ln
the last place | worked the boys all
said | was the suaviest man in the
troupe, and rustler among custom
ers."
"What business was itP"
pumps wooden and iron pumps
and hydraulic rams
Quite different line from dress
goods and ribbons"
well, yes, but amt aieared to
tackle 'em.
Mr.. Waltrous gave him trial. The
BOYS in the store Tabled him pumps
|
into the dress goods and ribbon de-
partment. The second day petite
brunette inquired for some "chicken
down" nuns yelling. Pumps com
menced to sweat.
'What color is it?" he blurted out.
The girl only rewarded him with a
stony stare. Pumps rushed oil after
new stock of information and in
CURED
"Is this a provision store or butch
er shop"
"WhyP" asked a one hundred and
fifteen pound salesman.
Because there's gal there by the
show case who wants chicken down
The one hundred and fifteen pounds
of pure and adulterated suavity wait
ed on her.
"Show me some elephants breath
cashmere" said an elderly lady in
gold bowed spectacles. Pumps
dropped roll of paper cambria, and
again started down the road after
some more information.
Whats elephants breathP' he
gasped. Hanged if ] amt thinkin'
I've struck II menagerie.
ut is shade of wooden goods,
murmured another salesman, moving
up towards the elderly lady and sell
ing her large bill.
'Bet your boots I'll catch on, said
Pumps, staggering before the glass
where ladies try on bonnets and hats.
Another Young lady interviewed
Pumps in the afternoon and said
You know soulache on gray velvet
is considered very chic.
1T is just the chickiest thing agoin',
: observed Pumps.
The Young lady looked grieved.
"Show me some giraffe colored cash
4 mere, she said quietly.
another animal wanted, mutter
ed Pumps. breathlessly, a he reached
the other end of the store. He, o
1 course, lost the sale.
SHOW me some crinolettes, de
Q manded spare woman with cast II
her eve. Pumps was nonpulsed.
+ "IfI was YOU wouldn' get a crino
lette,' he ventured.
r You wouldn' t. sneered the lady
D mo, not at this season OF the year
I'd get pair of striped stockings and
poke bonnet
The lady walked out.
.What did she wantg' inquired Mr.
Waltrous, who had kept his eagle eye
on the proceedings.
y "She was hankerin' after crino
h lette," said Pumps, land don't thinl
we have them IN stock.
"These are crinolcttes,' said Mr.
e Waltrous. sternly. and pointing to
pile of garments.
v Them! Why took them for has
" ball masks" said Pumps.
"You will have to do better tha
:, this" remarked Mr.. Waltrous, i'm
1t pressively.
% There is IA woman up At the iron
,e end who wants some Apollonaris
'. Hadn't better go out and get her
n glass of seltzer?'
'e Some more condensed suavity wal
10 ed on the lady and sold her pc
onaise, "A mOlierc waistcoat, an ostric
feather fan. and ten wards OF plum
colored velveteen. Pumps was pal
% alyzed.
n .'You fellows have got the thin
m down middlin fine he said, pullin
DC his vermilllon moustache before I'll
Is mirror.
Id evidently you have considerable
ne salesman to Pumps.
$. "All | ask is fair show f.
Us my money returned Pumps, d
ne iectedly.
t What would you do if lad
nc were to inquire for an import'
&c jerseyP -,
Pumps. This is no stock yard
e- dairy farm.
n THAT, my dear friend, said u
nd head salesman, lis a short jacket i
e, troduced into this country by Mr.
er Langtry. What if she should inqui
for tournure?
to "Me-oh I'd -"
ri That will do, shouted Mr.. w;
trous, bobbing up from behind
bale of sheeting; you can just tn
your back on this establishment, al
a hunt work in lumber yard. " Tea
"o SUttngS
as I'm the Days OF Stage Coaches.
ed A book recently published in En-
ell land, called the Royal Mail, tie
?" this story of the old coaching days:
"Speed was of the first consider
ne ton, and the stoppages at the wa
side stages were of very limited d
ess ration. At an inn the travellers won
hardly have made fair start in q
is peasing their hunger when the qua
would be heard calling upon them