Daily Republican., 1885-03-19
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

The young man WAS evidently homes
In his Intentions, but three years Q
constant counting had failed to over
como his excessive bashfulness. The,
were sitting on chairs ut . respectable
distance apart. Said the young man
having spent Ave minutes In search o
subject :" How do You get along Will
your cooking 2" Nicely" replied
the young miss: 81 am improving
wonderfully. l can make splendid cak'
now." Can you 2" said the youni
man, in . pleased manner, "Wha
kind do you like best ?" " I like ON
made with -four and sugar and citror
and raisins. and lots .of those things
and beautiful frosting on the top,
responded the young miss. Why
that's wedding-cake r. exclaimed
the young man nervously. JUS
shyly. The bans have been published
What do you do whom people 90 me
In and bore you?" warm person al
friend asked Of q merchant. " When
they stay too long, the office.boy, who
10 very bright and knows just when te
interfere, tells me thsta gentleman Il
In the counting room waiting to seo me
on important business" "Hai ha
that's . capital way to get rid Of bores
who don't know-" just then the
boy opened the door and sang out
Gent In the countin room waitin' to
sec you on important business, sir!"
For . wary and thrifty business man,
commend as to . commercial traveller
who the other day received from n
wealthy acquaintance in another city
. proposal to marry bis daughter. The
latter added /: "Be sure TO come; my
daughter 10 an acknowledged beauty,
and Is sure to please you" The COM
mercial traveller wrote back that he wa
willing TO come, but cautiously inquir-
I'd: "Suppose, however, she does NOT
please me, will you pay my travelling
expenses home agaih?"
"Pray, my lord" quaried q gentle
man OF . Judge, what 10 the difference
between common law and equity?"
VERY little In the end" responded his
lordship; ''at common, law you are
done for at once; In equity you are not
80 easily disposed of. The former Ia .
bnlst which is instantsneously and
charmingly effective; the latter an
anglers hook, which plays with the
victim before It kills him. Common
law Is prussia acid; equity is laudanum.'
Two young ladies Of literary tastes
were discussing their reading, when
one OF them remarked: II have been
engaged with = delightful work for q
week past" Indeed! What Is it?"
"'Anthcny Trollope's AutobioRra-
ply" "Who is the author?" Really
l don't know. have locked over the
title page and through the preface, but
l can't find airy reference TO the author
at ALL"
" How dare you, sir,go about calling
yourself my brotheY-in-law ?" 81
didn't exactly call myself your broth.
or in.law 2" Then how did the. re-
port get about?" ~ said I wasn't
your brother in-law exactly" What
do you mean, sir? You are not my
brother.in law Mt all You never mar
ried my sister 2" "No but wanted
to do 30 -
This 10 how they criticise q prima-
donna In the far West From her
clear, birdlike upper notes she canters
down to the base racket, and then cush
ions hack TO sort Of spiritual treble
that makes every one Of the audience
imagine that every hair on his head IL
the golden string of celestial harp
over which angelic fingers are stray
ing"
A lad who had been bathing was In
the act of dressing himself when one of
his shoes rolled down the rocks and
disappeared in the water. In his Mt
tempts to rescue 1t he lost the other
one also, whereupon, contem plating his
feet with most melapc holy expression
no apostrophized: Well, you are q
nice pair OF orphans, amt your"
Miss Lilly, seeing q certain friend Of the
by all soTts of afiectionate caresses.
"You are glad when come to dinner"
said the invited guest. "Oh, yes"
replied the little girl. "You love me Q
great deal, then?" "Oh, it isn't for
thatl But when you come we always
have chocolate.creams."
"JAck, my dear fellow, your cousin
Is delightful creature wish had
any thing ofthe kind" "Why not 2"
i" She can't play the piano" T" Well,
you don't think she is any the worse for
that, surely 2" 81 said she could not
play the piano, but the mischief 10 she
will play, Notwithstanding"
Several schoolgirls were discussing
their future vocation. One Of them
was going to be en- artist, another q
poetess, ETC., etc. And what are you
going to be 2" one Of them asked of .
little girl who had not said anything.
I've made up my mind that I'll be o
rich widow when I grow up" WAS the
demure reply.
" My FRIEND" said seedy person to
an acquaintance At the ferry, wish
you would lend me penny to cross the
ferry, amt got q penny In the world. 4"
Well, should like to know" was
the reply, what difference 1t makes
TO n man who hasn't got q penny In the
world which side Of the river he is
ou %
Young wife, new to marketing -
You may send saddle of mutton for
dinner" Butcher Yes, madam ;
what kind must 1t he ?" Young wife,
thougbtfuliy " ell, as my husband
is away, and there is 10 one in the
house tut mother, myself and tw 20 SER
wants, you HAD better send side sad
de, thibk."
Young wife ." am determined to
learn at what hour my husband comes
h Dme ar night, yet, 40 what l Will,
cannot keep awake, and he il always
careful not TO make a particle of noise.
Is there any drug which prod uces wake.
fulness 2" o d wife mo need to buy
drugs. Sprinkle the floor with tacks.
A .pong the obituary notices Of a coun-
try paper we recently noticed the fol
lowing: "Mr. -, Of M. aged
eighty three. passed peacefully away,
on Tuesday evening last, from single
blessedness to matrimonial bliss, after a
short hut sudden attack by Mrs -, a
blooming widow of thirty-five."
They bad had q little party Of guests