The clarion., 1885-01-28

| hurt the feelingsp Pr Because you can {
tie rag around them" answered the
child Konhers Statesmen.
| John" said Philadelphia wife,
suppose we will have turkey for Thanks
| giving dinner" mo. dear" was the
reply; ''we cannot afford it" Il
thought not. but I'll make the neigh
| bors believe we had. III open one of
| the bedticks, take out a few feathers,
and scatter them around the yard"
Doctor-''You see, WHEY dear, have
pulled my patient through. after all;
a very critical case, can tell your
His Wife-"Yes, dear hubby; but then
| you are so clever in your profession.
| Ali if L had only known you five years
earlier feel certain my first husband
my poor Thomas--would have been
| savedr'
We now know why dndes like to suck
their canes so well. The latest style of
walking stick is made of bamboo, por-
celain-lined, and filed with rum. When
| temperance people sen young man
sucking the head of his cane. they don't
want to laugh at him any more-tbey
want to nab him.-Rurlsnqt0n W.
Free Press.
Mr.. Harry Hunter, upon hearing
that Podkins & Co. had fsied for 81, oO0.-
900, naturally wrote to Miss Halen Pod
kins breaking the engagement. but. as
the report proved to be without founda-
ton, he magnalimously proposes to
replace matters on the old footing. He
has decided, however. with Miss Hell
ems assistance, to remain bachelor.
Of Lord Alvanley, who died in 1857.
Lord Malmesbury tells the following
exnecdote: On one occasion friend of
tdis came for his advice under the follow
ing circumstances: "Mr. has
threatened to kick me whenever he seSs
me in society. What am l to do if he
comes into the room?" "Sit down."
replied Lord Alvanley. Toronto Globe
''What are you doing, Mary?" asked
a Sonerville husband. addressing his
wife. Il am sewing on crazy quils,
she replied. "Arc there any buttons
On itP'' mo - Il thought not" he
said; ''it wouldn'& be Ike YOU to be
sewing on anything shat needed but
TONS" and drawing dep sigh he pro-
ceeded TO fasten his sust 81 ders with q
half-burmed match.
A wee todhiler who made free sf our
house, and on whom my father had
sought to impress that -chi tlren should
be seen and not heard along with a
lot of other nKlxiras, one morning burst
noisily in upon us while at breakfast.
giving the door cyespnish bang as he
exploded with: Il dott want to be
seen; want to be hesear' Aud he
syas.-Ha1pe,'s Bozar.
Plantation philosophy More den
HoNf ~ do ffonr,a,. - 4 n
De ,yrapvine dean' cling tyr DIS linn 8
case it lubs de tree, but cave it waits
de tire ter hol' it up. 1t is said d.S
er man. Dat may be true, but a man
KANT show nigh so much goodness wild
poverty ez be ked wild er little money.
-Arkansaw IrareLer.
81 am an excellent sparrer," writes
young Athlete" Il am quick, strong,
cool and quite scientific. but my AIMS
are very short. How can / best i'm
prove my rearh?' With a brick.
my son, with a brick. Don't waste
time on scientific sparring. and don't
worry about your short arms, when a
good half brick. deftly put in, with or
without a twist, will enable you to
catch John L. Sullivan half way across
the street.
Two little boys sat listening eagerly
while their grandmother was telling
them the Bible story OF Elijah going to
heaven in a whirlwind with a chariot of
fire, when Uncle John interrupted her
with: "Myi what a cyclone that must
have been to carry a fire engine up that
wayr' Fire engine"' exclaimed Aunt
Betsy, coptemptuously; Il never saw
such man in all my life! There was
no fire engine or cyclone about it. 1t
was only case of cremation, wasn't it,
grandmother?"-Boston Transcript.
"What do you do when people come
in and bore you?" a warm personal |
friend asked of a merchant. When |
they stav too long, the oii;ce-bov, who |
is very bright and knows just when to
interfere, tells me that a gentleman is
in the counting-room waiting to see me |
on important business. = "Ha! Hal |
That's capital way to get rid of bores
who kon't know" just then the |
boy opened the door and sang out:
'Gent in the countin' -room waitin' to |
see you on important business"
Eyes, this is very old dog" said
spinster to a man who took an active |
part in the canine harvest. land we
should hate very much 10 have him |
caught on the street and locked up. I /
am very much attached to him, for I /
used to carry him in nv arm when he
was a puppy" DO you say, miss,
that he is very old dog aad that you
carried him "Oh She broke in.
recollecting that she had compromised
herself, Il mean he-he used to be old
when was little-I mean that moth
er used-go on away from here or I'll
set the dog on You. "-1rkensasO Trau-
eler.
This is how one Of the great social
problems is treated by the Chester Citi-
zen, Henderson, Tenn: Henderson
is getting too utterly stylish for its abil-
ity. Lots of people here who haven't
$500 worth of things go dressed like
they had the bulge on ali the corner
lots. Now we noticed o lot of little
wee tots of girls going to school the
other day. The fathers of some of
these girls were not earning over 5000
a year, and. besides having to supply a
family of six, these girls must be dress
ed as Princesses. There isn't any sense
in 1t. There was day when a calico
dress and a sun-bonnet were good
enough for school dress, and if finer
toggery was put on the wearer was
sent home with instructions to change.
1t is very painful for little child to go |
out in company dressed poorly when
the majority are clad in finery."