davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-05-01

Hereupon come Brown and Spot em-Jones
and Snipe' EN- in the rear,
Arm in arm, each with his neck-tie dangling
down below his ear;
Each one made a short spasmodic pull upon his
rumpled vest,
And fronting up before the Judge, the whole
platoon right dressed.
"Hic, Your honor" said old Snipe,em. with
a voice suffnsed yet sweet;
'Hic, we've nader examination NOR n 'er usu-
al complete,
We've just gone-hic-tho'er can idate-s'pro-
fciency is fair.''
''Hic-you bet," said Brown, who eyed the
Court with mild, fiashy glare
" ,am re- throu aT said snpe-
He can draw Ter chattel mortgage-er three
aces every draw
z'sot all spot'em's ex-books and reports,
mine too-hic-hain't he Brown?''
"YOnng-hic-Jones, has got Ter principal law
Hb'ry now in town.
Z'g ter bully mor'l character-Jones squarer'
an string,
Raised old spot'em seventeen dollars an he
didn't have thing;
Z'by all means admit-hic-Jones Ter bar, 'ose
u book mus stay in town;
Hic-Old Srot 'stoo full for utterapceO sZ'as
SO" responded Brown.
f'Clerk, swear in Hic Jones, - old pro ten said
in language gruf and quick
(The Court supposed that jones' antecedent
name was "Hicn
Then the clerk said-somewhat vaguely-ssYou
do swear-hic-from lis date
You will solemnly support FER constitution of
Ter State,
De Ter lawyer Of Ter bar from lis date hic-
forthly hence
Hold up Ter han'loall 'ri-hic-bob-so help
Then the Judge gave Jones a chromo-Jones
received it with delight.
And the whole platoon meandered with right
fiank-hic-file right
So delighted was juror that single nail was
burst,
That did duty as button where the juror 8
jeans were trussed.
But the cardiac formation of young Smith was
turned to stone,
Ah-how lurid jones' future, and how dismal
was his own.
Years have passed and Smith and Spot'e m have
eXuded from the State.
Brown and SOak'em work for Findley- in the
coal banks, lifting slate.
snipe' EN- got in debtto every one, but nipe'em
never frets
They made him go to Congress so that he could
pay his debts.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
The Cultivation OF Horseradish.

The demand for this well-known and
popular condiment is such as to en-
courage its culture. which is very SIM
pie. The small roots, those of the size
OF 4 pipe-stem, are packed away in SAND
during winter. and in spring are plant
cd in burrows with the top end just be-
meath the surface. The plant W II grow
with very common cultivation, similar
10 ordinary full crops, and may be har-
vested with the pillow and potato digger
1t is remarkably tenacious of life and
spreads itself without artificial aid. The
preparation for market is the most diff
ficult port: the roots must be washed
and scrsped clean and white. and graft
ed and Immediately bottled with vine
gar. 1t is desirable that the grating be
done by machinery and bottled as
,pcedily as possible or it loses its pc
culiar flavor which makes it desirable.
The addition OF little sugar when lot
tied is more pleasing 70 some Its mos
desirable in spripg.-GsrmGn'ogfs Ist
egraph. S
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
CHARLES DICKENS.
The Great Novelist's Early Childhood and
Youth.


Charles Dickens was very little and
a very sickly boy, but he had always
the belief that this circumstance had
brought to, him the inestimable advan-
tage of having greatly inclined him to-
reading. When money troubles came
upon his parents, the poor little fellow
was taken away from school and kept
for some tine at an occupation most
distasteful to him, with every sur
rounding that could jar On sensitive:
and ret!nsd feelings. But the great
hardship, and the one which he felt.
most acuEely, was The want OF the COM
partnership OF boys of his own age. A.
few wears later on we read in Mr..
Forster'S Life" a schoolfellOw de-
ser;p.ion OF Charles Dickens: "A
healthy looking boy. small but WE'LL
built, with a more than usual flow or
spirits. inclining to harmless fun. sell
dora or never. tn nk, to mischief. He
USUALLY held his head more erect than
lads ordinarily do. and there was gem
eral smartnesS about him. Ih s. IS
akc. q very good personal description
OF the man. | have never heard
h; n refer in any way to his own
childish days, excepting IN one
instance when he. would tell
the tory. when he lived at Chatham.
he ard his ta,her often passed Cad
Hill in their walks. ami what an admi-
ration he had for the red brick house
n tn its beautiful old cedar trees, AMI
how it seemed to hsSa to be argaT and
fine than any othcf. house: anil how
his fathe. would tell him that if he
! were 10 be very pers4~ering and were
to wo K hard h might perhaf = some
| tiay come to I've IN it. l heard HIN
| tel! this story over and over aga n,
| VIXEN he had become the possessor OF
the vety place winch had taken such a.
, hold upon his childish afsct saS. BE-
yond this can rot recall q Single IN
stance of any allusion being made by
him TO his early childhoo1- He be-
lieyed the power of observation in very
Young children 10 be clos& and az
curate. and he thought the recollect on
OF most of Us ceuid go further back
than we suprase. do not know hoW
iar nv swa memory may carry ina
back, bat | have no rerlembranse or
nav childhood which is not !mmediase-
ly associated with him He had n
wor Jariul attraction for children ard a
quick pc ception OF thasr charac'ee and
| d;snosA tion> n most winning asd easy
wa wish them. full * fun, bet alsa
nj Sray,.> sympathy Tith taeir mans
snali troubles and lerplex'iies, which
made them recoan;ze 4 frs al IN h.m
~ onca.-CogRaiH NaGe-i'Is.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

.Don't 60, my good folks. / want a
little talk with you. You know OF the
engagement between Suzette and /, and
row as her future husband, propose
that we together search this room for
money which think old Gregory must
have secreted here. Come, let us begin
with the fireplace" and he easily found
the loose brick which he had seen In
the hands of the rag-picker on the
former occasion. Excitedly throwing
it down, he thrust his hand into the
opening, and drew forth an old stock
ing.
.sStop!' hurriedly exclaimed Suzetts,
'.you are not yet the master, and have
no right to open that. Give it to me. .
s.Just as you please" and handing it
to her, he again thrust his arm into the
hole, but found nothing more.
All now crowded round Suzette, curl
Gus and impatient, while she emptied
the stocking of its contents,--an OBJ.
long, lead box. Louis forced the lid
open, and what do you suppose there
| was inside?
Heaps of money!" No, sir. "a
big bank-book?' No, ma'am. Moth
ing but a pieco of paper with this
| scrawled on it: "Suzette, my child,
take good care of Misere, for the sake
of your uncle"
With chop-fallen countenance, Louis
was about to resume the search, when
the voice of Suzette arrested him.
Louis Franciscano, you will find no
secreted treasure, and as that seems to
be your object in coming here-you may
as well go!'
"Very good, mademoiselle, penni--
less bride is small loss, to my taste.
bid you pleasant adieu."
And he took himself off.
1t was now Henri's turn, and his
offer to take Suzette for herself was moi
rejected. They were shortly after mar.
ried, and she took her old place behind
the counter of the Daddy's bakery.
On going to remove the few things
from the old garnet Suzette remem
bered the lines her uncle had bequeathed
her, and endeavored to removed Msere
when 10 and behold. lie couldn't be
stirred! Henri was called in, but still
old Misere wouldn't bulge! A surgical
operation with pen-knife and post
mortem examination revealed the cause
he was stuffed with golden louis!
Suzette, like the good girl she was
ever after took the best care OF Misere
and his stulling!-Batiou's Monthly.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

A talent may be perfected I'D soil
tude: character only IN the world
Goethe.
1t is because ignorance is bliss that
counting is so much pleasure to young
people.
Attention, YOU manly young fellow:
Speak rudely to your mother; she loves
YOU, and will forgive you. Keep your
politeness for characterization A6ro-
cate.
Mrs. Al love to, hear Mrs Alto
sing. Her swell is very fine Mrs: b.
-..What are you talking about? That
is no swell. He's her husband-BoS-
ton Transcript.
"A physician declares that fat people
can reduce their weight by siesping
with their heads 10 the west. Always
remember this when you engage your
berth in sieeper.-M Y. Heratd-
There gees Mr.. Rust down the
street; he must be sick, he doesn look
well at all and his coat hangs fooslT
! about him. 'Ah! He surely has q
very bad fit indeed, il his coat don't set
well. "-Bufalo Courier.
A household magazine says that
every nice codfsh-balls are made by
| cutting Goldfish up. fine, etc. We sup
posed thai nice codfish-balls were made
by cutting a piece Of liver up fine. etc.
It seems like queer notion to pat cod
| fish in codlish-balls.-N OrriSteacR Her.
aid.
SAY" called the, boarder to the
water Yes, SIR was the: polite an
swer. Has the cook the recipe fol
making this puddingp" '+Yes, sir. !,
think She has, well. 60 out and tel
hec to throw it away" Then silenc'
healed the blows of sound-Merchdn
Irarcler.
"A Sad-Eyed Joke called on Phon
nv man in search OF employment
Where have You been employed?
asked the Phonny man. Chicago
sir" replied the Sad Eyed Joke
"Were YOU born there?' mo sir;
was stolen when Young and never ha'
my birthplace revealed to me. PITS
6sargk Chronicle Telegraph.
Every one who would rise must b
q. thinker and worker. Not chiefly b
study or reading will q man become tn
first; there IS often much knowledg
with few ideas; IT, ere are very lcarne
men without any grand thoughts G
their owr. Every one. whatever hi
opportunities, can exert his own ments
powers upon what is near to him, an
force will incrdaSe with exercise. Ii
can observe and compare and reaso
for himself; and. though his knowledg
may be limited his ideas will grow
There is no education for humanlt
without toll. none without activ
thought, feeling and purpose.-N- /
!. cllner
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
GREELEY'S BELl-BOY.
Eo,E the Young Man Kept the Buns Frol
the Editors Sanctum.

the Editors Sanctum.
Ben Van Houten, Greeley's old bell
boy, is driving a milk-vagon in New
Jersey. He was six feet high when in
the Tribune service. and he had eyes
like goggles and hand like the hand
of Providence.
Dub" said Horace to him, as he en-
tered his sanctum one night, 81 want
to write for an hour or two, and l don t
want to be bothered. Keep all the
buns out of my ROOM
"Yes, Mr.. Greeley" Ben replied in a
hoarse voice, for he had voice like 4
bull of Bashan.
Within half an hour Ben Bruce,
Dennis Mclaughlin and several other
political gad-tlies tried to buzz their
way to the old mans room, but were
summarily squelched by Ben. Finally,
Senator Henry Wilson, of Massachu-
sets. entered. He had been on cam
pairn tour in Indiana, and ne wore the
dirtiest buster and SLOUGH hat that had
been seen in New York since the de-
parture of the Pendleton escort in 1868.
The Senator dropped his carpet-bag and
advanced toward the open door OF Ter.
GreeleY's sanctum, when he was con-
fronted by Ben.
where are you going?" blurted the
Watchdog.
I'm going to see Mr.. Greeley the
Senator replied.
Not much YOU hain't," roared Ben.
Il "a
self solid with Horace. Git right out
O. here or III help you out"
General Wilson was dumbfoundec.
| H S face, usually red, was made recder
by Ben's manner.
Won't YOU be so kind as to take my
name in to Mr.. Greeley" he asked.
Ben looked hard at him, and asked
MS name.
WILSON," was the reply.
Well" said Ben. III so in an9
| see if he wants to see you.
He returned in forty seconds, NOR;
agitated than ever.
its just as l told you," he roatcc
..He won't see YOU; now, blame you
get out o. here"
| Wilson turned to Amos Cummings
night editor. who lay back in his char
bursting with suppressed emotion.
Whats the matter, Gencral?" h
asked.
Senator Wilson explained, while Bel
looked on in establishment.
There must be some mistake, thu
night editor remarked, land I'll taxi
you in and introduce you to Mr.
Greeley"
They entered the great editor sane
tum together Horace sat ut his higi
desk, his eyes close to the manuscript
scratching away like hen on fresl
sand-heap.
MIR. Greedy" said Amos, here
Senator Wilson. You refused To- Sc
him Just now
There was moment of silence. HOr
ace scratched away without los,lin;
up.
Well" he pipcd. in shrill alto
without removing his pen. 1.-The DO
said that a cursed old bum named "
son wanted to see me, and l Thought
r,s R;lIy Wilson n-,JOurl0ltSt
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL.

There are twenty-three Smiths at
Harvard College.
The subscription list for the base
ball nine at Amherst College has been
headed by $500 from the Faculty.
The Cornell University library has
received the addition of two thousand
volumes since june. The list of cur
rent periodicals numbers four hundred.
The new Billings Library Building
of Vermont University is to be dedi-
Gated at commencement in June. 1t Is
spacious and fire-proof, and has teen
been erected by means of gifs of
$4,000 by Hon. Frederick Billinga
Hard times IN New York State nave
affected the churches, and the economy
of reducing or doing away with church
choirs has been necessitated. A favor
tie plan is the forming of young peo-
pies chorises to lead the congregations
in hymns,-M Y Times.
The Methodist Church on Staten
Island recently paid the last dollar OF
it, debt, and celebrated the event by
tremendously burning the mortgage
and trustee bonds in front of the
pulpit. As the papers blazed the con-
gregation sang praise God froiu
Whom All Blessings Flow"
Courtesy, whether natural or ao
auired, is an excellent capital for boy
or girl to begin life with. Polite habits
and winning addresses have almost in
variably proven the open sesame to sue
cess. We all Ike to be treated with
| kindly consideration, and he is moi
wise in his day and generation who for
gets to profit by this fact.-Chicagc
Standard.
An appeal for clergymen to &c
there is published in Houston QdahoI
paper, which says: Among our peo-
pie are many who desire an opportut
nifty to attend religious services, and
they are already making arrangements
for the construction of suitable edifice:
in which to hold them. First com'
best served; therefore, Gospel mel
should not delay, for now IS the ac
cepted time.
| The cause of industrial education
continues to progress. The Mayors o
New York and Brooklyn advocate it il
| ~ nv"
like the time were fast approaching
when the debate as to the propriety o
teaching trades in the schools would b'
closed, and it therefore behooves the
workingmen's societies, if they hav'
not yet fully expressed themselves OF
the subject, to do so ut once.-cHTrent
The growth of Harvard University
is described in the NeW Portfolio by DR.
Holmes: During all my early year
my old Harvard alma mater sat still
and lifeless as the colosSi in the Egyp
tan desert. Then all at once, Ike tn
Commander statue in Don Giovanni.
she moved from her pedestal. The fal
of That stony foot has effected mira
Gle like the harp that Orpheus played
like the tech which CadmuS sowed
The plain where the moose and In
bear were wandering while Shakespcar
was writing 'HamleE.' where > few
plain dormltories and other neede
buildings were scattered about in M.
SOCIOLOGY days, groans under tn
weight of massive editiceS which bav
sprung up all around them"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
PITH AND PojNT.

The man who always finds some
thing good in the newspaper is the
chap who carries his lunch wrapped up
in it.
There were PAL DEGREES of divorce
issued in Philadelphia courts in 1854:
That is ringing the liberty bell loud and
long,-M o. Picayane.
What is economy" asks the
Philadelphia North american. we IL
tell you. 1t is paving ten cents Tor a
cigar and compelling your wife to turn
her last seasons dress to make it do
for another winter. The country 10
fairly bullying with such economy.-N.
| y Ledger.
-Mistress-Jane, 1 read in the news
papers that very much Of the candy
nov made is decidedly bad for the
health. You must be very careful that
dear little Fido does not get hold OF any
of tie children's candy.-Philddetph'a
Progress.
1t does seem to be a little bit ex-
travagant to put observation-disclosures
lar sealskin sacque upon a three-doiiar
woman, but it is sometimes eXcusable
when it is the only way OF smotherins
three thousand dollars worth OF Ill
temper.-F'aH Rirer AdUance.
"A woman in town became so in
te1ested in . poetical calendar for the
new year that she has torn OF all the
leaves to read the sentiments ex
pressed thereon. That OF Decembe'
81, 1885, has the proverb. quite appro
pirate in her case: "Haste make:
waste. "-Boston Journal.
Yes, my son. it is solemn. eterna
fact that Truth once crushed to eartf
will rise again" And in these days o.
awful carelessness truth is kept 81
busily engaged in performing the CRANE
rising act that she looks like maj
picking up pins.-Burdette.
What are you taking my boot
out of here for?" asked a gentleman o
his negro servant. "Whut; is desc yel
boots. boss?' You know they are
YOU trifling rascal" wall, | 'clar'
for goodness, bossr' Dropping thu
boots Il thought da WIZ de skut
ties, an l thought dat I'd go dowr
AFTER some coal, sab; Cuts how e.
man can be 'ceived. "-ArkansaW 1rdc
etcr.
Sir. can you give a poor man
Juarter?" why are you asking fo
aims, my manP'' Il nave just COM
from Spain, sir; l am an earthquake
sufferer" .'But you are not a Span
lard; you speak good English" 'oh
as 10 that. speak Spanish, but since the
earthquakes my Spanish is so broker
th.it ! am ashamed to cenverse in 1t. ,
l-LOuisrHLe COurier-JOUr7aal.
I'm aware that the Recommendation
do not agree with me-" said Rev. DR.
Foosterer, in his sermon. Next day
old Farmer Turniptops drove up to tn
rectory with half CARLOAD of old pink
eve potatoes. '.Mornin'. parSon," salt
he. ..Ye told us yistd'y that the com
mon taturs didn't agree wild yei 50
brought We trille o the finest pink
eyes ever We laid yer own Oh. Balls o
fionr-that's what they are!'-N. I
indeDenIeM.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20
PAwNINe THE wEDDiNe-eowN,

Its folds are thick and lustrous,
Its fabric rich and rare;
A Princess on her bridal day
Would scarce disdain to wear
A robe so chaste aud lovely;
And dark is fortunes frown
When comes the mournful widowed WIN
To pledge her wedding gown.
Still young, though worn with sorrow,
But yesterday il seems
The music of the Wedding March
Was sounding through her dreams;
And friends were all about her,
A leal heart at her side,
She fioated to the altar rail
A brilliant, beauteous bride;
Enwreathed with orange blossoms,
Entwined with glimmering pearls,
Her airy vail frosted film
Above her ripping curls.
To-day the vail is heavy,
And hangs severe and straight,
The dolorous Grape that tells its tale
OF unrelenting fate.
In that bright hour of gladness,
Ere yet on cheek and brow
Was faintest presage Of the pain
That clouds their pallor now;
What prophets voice had boded
The change beyond belief
For riches, utter penury,
For joy, the depth of grlef2
Life's bloom all nipped and blighted,
The shadow of the grave
Thrown bleak and black athwart the pain,
Where still her steps are brave,
Where still for all the pressure,
The whitening weight of care,
Within the weary, sunken eyes
Faith challenges despair.
Though desolate her errand,
Yet, needing daily bread,
Not wholly friendless and alone,
She lifts her stately head:
Herself might die of famine
Ere in the needless town,
Sole relic of the happy past,
She'd pawn her wedding gown;
But up narrow stairway,
Within tiny room,
A little face is waiting her,
A face where lilies bloom;
Two starry eyes are watching,
Two arms will closely fold
The mother in their fond embraces:
Their clinging makes her bold.
For this is woman's comfort;
A child's hand closely pressed
viii ease the sharpest agony
That wounds mothers breast.
Her darling shall not suffer
On hunger's wasting edge.
She leaves. for food and fire and light,
Her wedding-gown in pledge.
-Hdrper's Bdzdr.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

A London journal. desiring to ad-
vertise a dissecting-room story which
was the striking feature OF the Christ
mas issue, hired sandwich" men to
parade the streets, the boards in which
they were encased having the shape of
coiiin-lids, and the men themselves be-
ing dressed to look Ike corpses. The
horrible exhibition called out an indig-
nant protest from the decent press
Current.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

The British drink bill for 1888 foots
up 1928, 3S6,375. The quantity aggre-
gates 1.032, l42, 1853 gallons. This would
make lake mile long and mile
with depth of thirty feet. or sufli-
Gent to float men>Of-wars--C IicaSo
Infer Ocean.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Mr.. Charles A. Gray, of New Bed
ford, Mass. has suffered fractured leg
four times, and each time. to add TO
the interest of the occasion, one OF his
horses has died. --Boston Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

-.sNIurier hole is the name given to
\ mysterious hole in the ground near
Salem. Va. 1t IS 40xG0 feet in size and
1876 feet deep. The average temper
ature at the bottom is II degrees
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

The Mexican stage-coach Away
has two drivers, ore to hold the re'lS
and the ether to do tie whipping. The
latter carries bag of stones to throw
1t the leaders.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

wAn communications for ran 2age
should be accompanied by the name q N
ss an evidence Of good faith on the psrt o.
,he writer Write only on ono side OF the pc
per. Be particularly careful in giving pamc'
Ind oates TO have the letters and figures piA
and distinct
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

The skin OF tS;mpi, the Paris mur-
dercr, has been tannea. ana WI oa
u.ei in binding tn. books and do'u-
ments relating 20 his crime wh ca were
unfinished.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

When you hire . servant in Mexico
it is with the understanding thai his or
her entire family reside with you.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Mrs. Oscar Wilde is parrish TO green.
VIC are informed. This is o Dad give
away on 0scar.,-LoTsH Css'sea.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-02-20

Ono of the Indian chiefs in New
Orleans is expressiyely named Hard
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1885-01-14
The Rosa Belle.

Arrived here Monday afternoon from
Evansville laden gunwales TO the Wa
ter with flour, meal, bran aud ship
s.ufls. The time made on Rough Creek
wss pretty fair Cor the first trip miles
an hour. \ company of Hartford gen.
tlemen have purchased the boat and
will run il from here to Livermore as
long as the stage of wafer is sufficient.
IL will be "A great convenience to the
merchants and tobacco men, and re-
medy against muddy roads and intoler-
able railroad eXtortion.
Sister Cow feels especially happy at
the cargo OF shipstufis. All through
the night her amiable lows of gratitude
can be heard resounding in the hollow
distance, betokening distended udders,
bountiful diaries aud demulcent drink
to the lac-yearuing children Of Adam.