The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-03-07
A Struggle with a Stove Pine.

A Struggle with Stove-Pipe.
Putting up a stoveis not so difficult
in itself. 1t is the pipe that raises
iour-iifths of the mischief and all the
dust, You may take down Il stove
with all the care in the world, and yet
that pipe won't come together again
as it was before. You find this out
when you are standing on achair with
your arms full Of pipe and your mouth
full of SCOT. Your wife is standing on
the floor in position that enables her
To see you, the pipe, and the chair, and
here she gives utterance to those re-
marks that are calculated to hasten a
man into the extremes OF insanity.
Her dress is pinned over her waist,
and her hand rest on her hips. She
has got one Of your hats on her head,
and your linen coat on her back, and
a pair of rubbers OH her feet. There
il about five cents worth Of pot black
on her nose, and n lot of -four ON her
chin, and altogether she is a spectacle
that would inspire a dead man with
distrust. And while you are up there
trying to circumvent the awful con
trariness of the pipe, and telling her
that you know some fool has been
mixing it, she stands safely on the
floor, and bombards you with such
domestic notices as-"What's the use
OF swearing so?" "You know no one
hus touched that pipe" "You amt
got any more patience than a child
"Do DO careful OF that chair" And
then she goes off and reappoars Will
an armfu( more OF pipe, and beior,
you are aware OF it she has got thai
pipe so horribly mixed up that it does
seem no two pieces are alike.
You join the ends and work them t.
and fro, and to and fro again, and ther
you take them apart and look at them
Then you spread one out and jam tht
other together, and mount them one,
more. BUTT is no so. You begin t.
think the pieces are inspired With life
and ache to kick them through tn,
window. But she doesn't lose her pa
thence, She goes around with tina
awful eXasperating rigging on, with
length of pipe under each arm and
lOng-hanled broom in her hand, ant
says she don't see how it is some pee
pie never have any trouble putting u
stove.
When that part Of the pipe whicI
goes through the wall is up sh
keeps it up with the broom while yo
are making the connection, and stare
at it with al intensity that is entirei
sncalled for. All the while your pos
ton is becoming more and more intel
esting Tho pipe don't go together, :
course. The SCOT shakes down int
your eyes and mouth, the sweat ro!
your face and tickles your chin as
drops off, and it seems as if your arm
were slowly but surely drawing out {
their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rcscu
by inquiring if you are going to be a
day doing nothing, and if you thin
her arms are made of cast iron; an
then the broom slips off the pipe, an
III her endeavor to recover her hol
she iabs you under the chin with tn
handle, and the pipo comes down 0
your head with its load of fried 500
and then the chair tits forward cnoug
to discharge your feet, and you con
down on the wrong end of the cha
with force that would bankrupt
pile driver, You don't touch Thu
stove again. You leave your wife e.
aiming the chair and bemoaning i
I'M uries, and go into the kitchen an
wash yourskinned and bleeding hant
with yellow soap. Then You 90 dow
street after man to do the bushes
and your wife goes over to the noig
boris with her chair, and tells the
about its injuries and drains the neig
borhood dry with its sympthy, lol
before you get home.