Weekly commercial herald. (Vicksburg, Miss.) 1884-18??, 1885-08-21

o. n " III 4aA tAAH
man. loving as I did, IWho can conceal the
true state Of his feelings must DO mora than
mortal
Ihad not spoken; / dared not speak Bet
ter uncertainty with hope than certainty
with despair. The day on which Philippe
refused my love would be as the day Of
death to me.
Besides, what had 1 to offer heri Although
succeeding fairly well for a beginner, al
present ! could only ask the woman | made
my wife to share comparative poverty. And
Philippa! Ali would have wrapped Phil
ippa in luxury All that wealth could buy
ought to be hers. Had you seen her in the
glory Of her fresh young beauty, you would
have smiled at the presumption Of the mar
who could expect such a being to become
the wife of a hard working and as yet ill
paid doctor. You would have felt that she
should have had the world at her feet
Had / thought that she loved me might
perhaps have dared to hope she would even
then have been happy as my wife. But she
did not love me-. Moreover, she was ambi-
tious.
She knew-small blame to her-how beau.
tiful she was. Do l wrong her when I say
that in those days she looked for the gift Of
rank and riches from theman Widowed heri
She knew that she was a queen among
women, and expected a queens dues.
Sweetest, are my words cruela They are
the cruelest l have spoken, or shall speak,
against you. Forgive themD
We were friends-great friends. Such
friendship is loves bane. 1t buoYs false
hopes; it lulls to security; it leads astray; 1t
is a staff which breaks suddenly, and wounds
the hand which leans upon it. So little it
seems to need to make friendship grow into
love; and yet how seldom that little Ia
added The love which begins with hate or
dislike is often luckier than that which
begins with friendship. Lovers cannot be
friends.
Philippa and her mother left my neigh
borhood. They went to London for awhile.
l heard from them occasionally, and on ,e or
twice, when in town, called upon them.
Time went by. l worked hard at my pro-
fession the while, striving, by sheer toll, to
drive away the dream from my life. Alasl
l strove in vain. To love Philippa was to
love her foreverl
One morning a letter came from her. ]
SOAO ~ ODCAs 1uO AO we IL COllLuAlACu Wu1
grievous. Her mother had died suddenly.
Philippa was alone in the world. so far as
knew, she had not a relative left; and l be.
lieved, perhaps hoped, that, save myself,
she had no friend.
/ needed no time for consideration. That
afternoon l was in London. II / could not
comfort her in her great sorrow l could at
least sympathize with her; could undertake
the management of the many business de-
tails which are attendant upon a death.
Poor Philippa! She was glad to see me.
Through her tears she flashed me a look Of
gratitude. l did all l could for her, and
stayed in town until the funeral was over.
Then l was obliged to think Of going home.
What was to become of the girll
Kith or kin she had none, nor did she
mention the name of any friend who would
be willing to receive her. As l suspected.
she was absolutely alone in the world. Al
soon as my back was turned she would have
no one on whom she could count for sym
pathy or help.
1t must have been her utter LONELINESS
which urged me, / n spite of my better judg
ment, in spite of the grief which still Cypress
ed her, to throw myself at her feet and de
clare the desire Of my heart My words
cannot recall, but / think-I know | pleade,
eloquently. Such passion as mine give
power and intensity to the most unpracticet
speaker. Yet long before my appeal wa
ended / knew that l pleaded in vain. He
eyes, her manner told me she loved me not
Then, remembering her present helpless
condition, / checked myself. / begged he
to forget the words l had spoken; not t.
answer them now; to let me say them agar
In some months time. Let me still be he,
friend, and render her such service as
could.
She shook her head; she held out her hand
The first action meant the refusal of m,
love; the second, the acceptance of m,
friendship. Ischooled myself to calmness
and we discussed her plans for the future.
She was lodging in a house in a quiet, re
spectacle street neal Regents Park. Sh
expressed her intention Of staying on her
for awhile.
"But alonel" Exclaimed.
'Why not9 What have l to feara Still
1 am p to reason if you can sugges
another plan"
l could suggest no other. Philippa wa
past twenty-one and would at once succee
to whatever money had been her mother.
This was enough to live upon. She had n
friends, and must live somewhere. VIII
should she not stay on at her present lode
ingsl Nevertheless, / trembled as / though
of this beautiful girl all alone in Londor
Why could she not love mel Why coul
she not be my wife9 1t needed all my sell
restraint to keep me from breaking aires
into passionate appeals.
AS she would not give me the right to di
pose of her future l could do nothing more
I babe her a sad farewell, then went BAG
to my home to conquer my unhappy low
or to suffer from its fresh inroads.
Conquer It'll Such love as mine is neve
conquered. 1t is a mans life. Philip
was never absent from my thoughts. LIE
my frame of mind be gay or grave, Philip
pa was always present.
Now and then she wrote to me, but he
letters told me little as to her mode of life
they were short friendly epistles, and CAV
me little hope.
Yet / was not quite hopeless. l felt tina
had been too hasty in asking her for he
love so soon after her mothers death. lie
her recover from the shock; then l will tr,
again. Three months was the time whic
in my own mind l resolved should elaps
before I again approached her with word
Of love. Three monthsI How YEARLY the,
dragged themselves awayl
Toward the end of my self-imposed teri
of probation l fancied that a brighter
gayer tone manifested itself in Philippa'
letters. Fool that 1 was, I augured wei
from this.
Telling myself that such love as min
must win in the end, 1 went to London. an
-. -. cam Dhilinnn Cla ~