, 1885-03-21
. WOMANLESS REALM.
A scREeo FROM THE WILD BOA
NEReEs OF THE YELLOWSTONE.
solids Of America. Look at Dakotai -
Ready to Fling An ITS ciories and
it, Fellows at Your Feet
Come Northwest.


Cupid = a queer little cn1p1 inc otucr No
grows the crankier he gets. He Is a bigger fool
maker to-day than ho was 1000 years ago,
when be induced Col Samson, tho great orig
iaai lion-tail tsister and congressional jaw
bone swinger,lto lay his wool and his glory In
the lap OF a ~half-negro Delilah. He Is a more
resistless moral tangler and common-senss
smasher in this 109th year Of Yankee Doodle
tina when he made tho FsAlmist David a
Mormon and an assassin. He Is a more eyre
gfous ninny breeder now than
when he led all HomorAs heroes
on that wild Grocian bender after
tho Sarah Bornhardt of the Trojan era He
is a more insffablo diot-manufacturer this
moment than when, twenty centuries agone,
be whoedled Mark Antony-tho ancestor Of
Susan b., who spells IL with an 'h"-into
casting aside the scepter Of tho world for a
nnppy-pated Egyptian mulatfross. He is q
more uncomfortable heathen mid all our
nineteenth century blaze of Gospel light, and
liberty than when he and his scanty-sktrted
mamma, Ms Venus. led tho pagan orgies
Of Athenian damsels beneath the shade OF
ancient olive groves BE Is creations maip-
lot, dignity's d~ethroner, reasons upsetter
and scoffer.
Fang OF ~hydrophobic cur never punched
a. many madoap fancies into Its victims
body rs tho slightest graEs OF ono Of his tiny
MnINMrua tunuI 1uMAtL OIu WuIntn
toothloss and shrivoled, touched by the
pestiferous little archer who Turks in rose-
buds and cabbage heads, plaster then grave
yard countennncos with ennmels and paints
enough 10 gorge a camp Of Kickapoo squaws,
swing gnwds and gowgaws to evory avail
able protuboranco. pile OF sweet sixtoon tog-
gerry, and sinirk and giggle In a style thai
would drive a whole bedlam OF ordinary
lunatics 10 suicide.
The bigger tho folly the surer
tho stroko. No freak Is too wild, no
vagnry too raonstrouzH Eagles mato with
moles, and swans with hedge-hogs. Tom
Thumbs Pima FOR Goliaths; sons Of Anak we'd
human h-ummingbirds; mighty Drained
heroes and statesmen rave over inane little
butterflies, puny wax dolls, and taify-faced
pirmies; kings bow down to ballet dancers,
and queens take refuge in the arms OF cooks
and coachmon; and, in all lands and clines,
In every condition and state, the cupid
wounded gosling and goslingcss have a hard
road TO travel to a paradise OF squnah-an
imaginary elysium, whose roses aro too
often rue.
All mascullnity Ia doomed, soor or later.
10 be nmlttsn, punctured, hnrpoonod; and,
sheltered beneath the mantle or wings
whichever be weaB-of swift-coming Saint
Valentine. l wish TO tell all womankind that
nowhere elss on earth Is that amiting, pune
turing. and ~harpooning so easily done; no
whsro else beneath the sapphirean dome Of
hoaven does Cupid. the Lilliputian giAzard-
piorcer, come noar having, like death, all
seasons for his ouns nnwhera else In all the
Er.nx rounds Of the sun and moon e-d peep
ing starr, nro the victims 20 plentiful and ~
readily c~atehablo, crazablo, and smashRble
rs in the vast imperial regions OF the new
northwest, the womnnless wonderland OF the
world.
Girls OF America, look at Dakota, with
four and a half mon and boys TO every
woman and girl. Thousands OF young n en-
terprising mon, bonanza farmers and minors,
raisors OF gold and golden grain, bankers,
merchants, town-site propriotors, and boom
ers, mining engineers and exports, lawyers.
doctors, ranchmen, army officers and mill
ionnire editors, coming congressman, gov
ornors, senators and constables Of the proud,
soon-to-bo northwestern giantess OF the
Union sistarhood. all dying to DO struck with
jewolled shafts, rendering oven tho misery
Of II delicious. Thousands on thou
snnds OF young men OF noble heart
and brain and Drawn, too bravo and ten
dor and true to be wasted, all signing and
longing TO DO heart-spitted, glgged like son
timental houndors-and not one maFringea-
bio girl to every ~haif-hundred Of them
Nearly every town in this greatest and
graadest Of the territories Is in the same d.
plorable fix, counting Its girls over every
night as carefully as old-timey ladies did
their chickens or spoons, and never able, by
any arithmetic, toscare up more than one
to every fifty fellows The whole great
American northwest groans under the woos
Of n similar restitution Think ola single
missionary IN Manitoba, two or three years
- Cun t--H-N-- ..-lmw kfu aAor~.
and not ono woddnble girl or gushing widow
Girls Of the woman-crowded ~old-maid-ac-
cumulating older states here Is the nsld for
you; hero you arc needed; here you are at a
premium; here you are sure OF a dozen hus-
hands apiece, II you want them Here is an
empire, stretching 1900 miles to the north
and west up the Saskatchewan and across
the mighty Rockies 70 the golden slopes OF
the Pacinc-an empire vastor and grander,
more fertile and beautiful and glorious than
ever Rome's gilded eagles glittered over in
her palmiest days Of power and pompa and
.pride-thnt waits the coming Of its mis-
iresses, its princeSses and its queens Il Is
ready 10 fling all its glories and It's fellows
at your feet Without you it is doomed to
30 a vast, sky-roofed, hori1on-walled prison
house Of haplezb hopeless satyrs, a mascn-
iins wilderness, a womanless realm
Come west young women, come north
west; and stand not upon the order Of your
coming, but come at onca. Every one Of
you IS guaranteed to strike q mascu-
line bonanza in ninety days m
This screed may, perhaps, pass for Da-
kota's valentine to American femininity; to
the girls, the women Of the noblest land be-
meath tho sun, who have, individually and
collectively, no more ardent admirer, no
moro devout worshiper, than myself