Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-06-28
WIT AND llUNOls.

NtII-MatIlIhH, MAY w oht illo
the street bitP The boys say there's
a comet to be seen. Mamma-W Well,
yes; but don't go too near. Anckdoten
Wdgdzyn.
The question which every 10y dis
cusscs at some time or other is, "Whut
are parents good forP" and not every
boy arrives ut any definite conclusion.
--NcO York Heraid
A man should never doubt tho pos
sibility of getting quart into pint
flask, when he has seen how his wife
can get No. 6 foot into u No. shoe.
--F'dN Rircr Jdrdncc.
1t has been decided by st. Louis
Judge that three chromos. bust of
Lon gfclow, and an oil painting worth
SO may legally constitute an ''art par
lor. Detroit Free Press.
"Wherc does Mr.. jenkins live, and
how old are you, my dear?" he asked
of the pretty attendant at the apart
ment hotol-and demurcly looking in
to the pockets of her apron she an
swered, "Suite 16, sir.'
One of our scXtons, in making his
report of burials, is explicit to COM
mondable degree. For instance, such
entries as this occur: 'nied, John
Smith; male; aged days. unmar-
ried. W Christian Register.
At one of our colored churches the
brethren were surprised at the short
ness of the contributions, but their
wonder ceased when they discovered
that one of the collectors had tar in the
top of his hat.-McDuHe Journal.
What are your views regarding the
Chinese question: asked a reporter of
an almond-cycd knight of the washtub
and starchboard. "Three ccntce col
lar; ten ccntce shirtee; ii centee cuff"
was the intelligent answer. - Lynn
Union.
"Why are they called pyramids, paP"
asked George. who was looking at a
picture of those wonders of Egypt.
They are called pyramids, my son.
replied his father. without hesitating,
"bccausc. you see, they appear amid
the general dcsolation of tho desert"
-BoSton Transcript.
Qualifications in Limburgcr cheese
have been discovered The flavor of
that delicacy has long led us to suspect
| that something was the matter with
| the Bismarckan food. We thought
maybe it was not pulled until it was
ovcrripe; but if it is adulterated that
explains it.-NOrriSt0Wn Herald
Pm getting dreadful fat, my dear"
said a husband to his wife, II must
get set of dumb-bclls and practice
with them" "Why not do rs Mr.
Smith did when he was getting so
fat What did he do?" Broke up
housekeeping and went to live in Il
boarding house. .'-Boston Courier.
Her head was pillowed on his breast,
and looking up in a shy way she said:
"Do YOU know, dear George, that"
You mean dear James, | Think he
interrupted, smiling fondly at her mis-
take. why, yes, to be sure. How
stupid | am! was thinking this is
Wednesday evening. .'-N. Y. sun.
The love and affection that exists be-
tween brothers frequently begins to
exist when they are mere children.
"Will Tommy always be younger than
| amp" asked little Texas boy of his
mother. ''Yes, sonny" That's bull
". I'll always be able to lick him and
take his things away from him as long
rs he lives.
Chicago girls don't have to let them
selves down with ropes or shin down
ladders when they want TO elope. Tho
old man opens the front door for 'cm,
carries the bundle out on the steps,
and locks the door with the remark:
when you get tired of your cowboy
come home and take the cooks place
at 50 per week.
IL wouldn't worry about the cholera,
dear" said wife to her hus band; ''it
isn't at all likely that it will reach this
country" 81 don't know about that
he replied, ncrvously; ut might break
out at any moment, and we might have
n frightful time. II think | had bet
ter pay the back pew rent, anyway. "
Indianapolis Journal.
"Here is clever little article that ]
am sure will meet with the approba.
tion of your readers he said, as he
tiptoed into the editoral-room. IL am
afraid, replied the editor, as he looked
it over, that it will not meet with the
appreciation of my readers" "NoE
Why not?" "Because it will never
have chance. IN. Y. Times.
Now, Johnnie" said fond West
|
helped himself to good deal more cake
than he could well make way with,
"anothcr time you'll mind me. told
you you couldn't eat all that cake" ="
"Well,' said Johnnie, still struggling
with big slice II could if my vittelth
d only thettle. ."-BoSton Record.
The coachman and the chambermaid
were to be married in September. One
day they were having a small-sized
lovers quarrel in the back yard and
he kicked a ham nearly OFF the dog,
standing near them. ''Don't kick that
dog" she exclaimed angrily. "Don't
worry about the dog" he replied,
lust wait till get you" The match
is ot.-Merchant Trdveier.
Mrs. Minks-There it is again. To-
bacco, always tobacco. What will you
do when you get to Heaven, where
there are no spittoons? Mr.. Minks-
Perhaps there will be some there. Mrs.
Minks-lndced there won't The idea!
What will you do then. Mr. Minks?
Just answer that Mr.. Minks-l really
don't know, my dear, unless we can
get seats near the edge. Ihitadeiphia
CAL.
"What did you pay for these cigars,
my son. They are not at all bad"
Three for half-dollar. governor"
That is wickedly extravagant. Why,
never think of paying more than 10
cents for a cigar myself" "Well, |
should think 10 cents was enough. II