The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1885-06-23
SAVED FROM THE DRAFT.
How Peter DeSfy Managed to Escap<
Consc<iption During the War.


During the darker days of the war.
when its holiday features had given
place to genuine blood and universal
sorrow; when the dazzling uniforms
had been dragged in the mud and dust
of many campaigns, and the soil OF
every Southern State had swallowed up
! the dear dust of brothers and sons, and
when the roll of drums and flash of
swords no longer won new recruits to
deaths grim carnival, there came the
draft, with all the honors, but none of
the dearly-bought glory OF volunteer
service.
Peter Duffy, an Irish blacksmith, with
a young wife and large family of hep
less little children. was among the first
in Southern Wisconsin TO draw sor-
rowful prize. He lelt that he absolutely
could not 60. He tried every way to
evade the call of certain death. but met
with nothing but chagrin, ridicu.e and
defeat
One day, Hon. James H. Earnest was
speaking in the State Senate, when q
q
man outside the Senate chamber wished
to see him. Owing to some misunder-
standing, Mr.. Duffy was ushered into
the room He had good deal of hair,
which he allowed to grow in wild pro-
fusion. He did not hold himself respor-
sible in any way for that hair. His head
looked hike an old hair mattress that
had been turned wrong side out by a
cyclone and deserted by its friends. He
became the cynosure of all eyes. The
speech lost its interest and came to 8
close.
Now, Peter" said Mr. Earnest,
whats the matter with you?"
.'Sinator, I'm kilt, I'm a cold earpse.
Me wife is a WILDLY They do have me
grated, Jim. There's only half a NOBLE
bechune me and parodoiSe. want you
to see the President, or Jitf Davis, or
Gineral MickEllan, or some of them
byes and save me loife. If We can't do
it, Jim. I'm a CORN oop, and me wife is
weepin' wildly bound for the poor
house beyant Hip me out, Sinator.
Pass bill making it a filony on the
hoigh SAFE to graft an Irish orphan into
this gineral massacre. Do that Jim,
and I'll pray fer We all me loife, and the
Lord knows You made it, TOO, and I'll
do all yer blacksmithin' at half proice."
Mr.. Earnest thought ali those things
were impracticable.
Peter" said he, "vou seem to be
elected by an overwhelming majority.
and / IN afraid your resignation would
not be accepted. Unless you fail TO pass
the medical examination you will have
to 90. guess"
Then Mr.. Duffy thought of some
thing.
.Sinator. t. tell the trooth. I can't
hare very we'll meSelf. Whin was an
apprentice a red moole knocked the
dayloights out or me and impaired me
listener"
Mr. Earnest had never noticed this,
but he really didn't want tC. see Duffy
90, and in the kindness of his heart he
encouraged the idea a little. He even
went over to see DIR. Hoyt at Camp
Randall. and while they made some
scientific experiments with lemons and
sugar and spirits, he drew the CONVEX
satiou toward MIR. Duffy.
The next day Dir. Earnest told Peter
to come down to the Park Hotel and
visit him at his room. At the appointed
hour Senator Earnest produced list of
questions and told him he would have
to answer these satisfactorily. Pa
tiently they set to work like a class of
students who have secretly secured a
list of queries prior TO the day of exam
ination. Every day after the Legislative
session had closed MIR. Earnest would
repair to his room in company with
MIR. Duffy, and they would 60 through
the rehearsal Finally the time for
Duffy's examination came, and Senator
Earnest had to 90 to Camp Randall to
assist. A question would be PROFOUND
ed to Peter, and he would turn with
great gravity and earnestneSs TO MIR.
Earnest by him, and ask:
What do you say, Jim?" Then
Jim would bawl the question into Duff
fy's off year. The examination went
on first rate, only that Earnest nearly
died trying to keep straight face.
Finally came the last test, which gen.
orally caught the imposter. DR.. Hoyt
turned with great disgust to the other
examining surgeons and said:
Gentlemen, we don't want this
bump on a log. He can't hear any
thing. / think we had better leave the
blankety-blank wooden-head at home,
where his family can attend to him and
see that he don't miss the resurrection.
This was said in a low tone of voice
to catch the unwary Irishman, but
slowly he turned to Senator Earnest
and grayely inquired:
"What do he say, Jim"
Then Earnest, red in the face with
suppressed emotion, bsllowed into
Dufy's best ear:
The - doctor says-you-can't-
hear anything. He thinks you
had-better- stay-he re-where-
] -familY-can-call- YOur-attention-