St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-08-03
MIR. SAMPLAN,s CALLER.
His Unfimely Appearance aud His
ThOushtIess Remarks.

GrtSs.
Il was both surprised and grieved," said
Mr.. Samplan, ''when / awOke and found
midnight intruder in my bed-chamber. 1
do hate TO be awakened from a sound sleep
and / had always rather meet strangers by
daylight and take regular introduction.
''Well. this man-this very audacious
man-had the impudence to light my gas
and point pistol at me. Yes, sir, aud my
gas bills are OutrageOusly high, and his
pistol was probably loaded. / DO hate to
see man so utterly needless of other mems
rights. 1t might have Softened the matter
some had he been a gentleman in his speech
but he wasn't so-no. sir, he wasn't. As
opened my eyes and sat up in bed he
growled out in voice like sea lion:
- BE quiet, old man, or Pll bore your
brains with bulletr
do you suppose I'd use q man like that?
Never, I'd have some decency about me,
especially if my victims wife was beside
him. Ny wife awOke, OF course. and when
the burglar saw by her looks that she was
about 10 scream, he turned the pistol at her
and said:
leone, now, if you open that potato
trap of yours I'll pin your head to the
WALL
Think of such language from perfect
mouth No one will ever know how badly
and cried, and the audacious burglar he
clicks the lock of his pistol two or three
times TO keep US scared, and then remarks:
"'COme, old coon. want you. Git up
and pint out the valuablesr
1.-The brassiness of it, Wanted me to
help him rob my own housel was so
amazed at his impudence that got up. He
sat down in a chair near the door, pointed
his deadly weapon at my heart. and order
ed me to 90 ahead and collect all the money
and jewelry and leave it on the stand. Did
you ever hear of the like? i wanted TO
argue the case a bit. for I'm q man as
doesn't like to be sent to state prison for
robbing his own house, but he thunderS at
me:
'''Lively now, old spindle-shanks, orl'n
make corpse Of YOU
u assure YOU that 1 was considerably
perturbed. Look at these legs-large
enough to bear up an OK. Had he any
right or reason TO use the term Spindle
shanks'? He was no genteman-no gentle
man, sir. picked up about $500 in cash,
two watches and lot of iewelry, and when
1 turned them over to him he further re-
vealed his nature. Instead OF thanking me
for the size of the contribution, be groWled
out:
''Durn We. for an old skinfiint, but I'm a
good mind to bore ye!"
I'm no skinfiint, as all my friends will
swear to, and had given him all we had
in the house. After growing for awhile
he orders me back into bed. threatens US
with death if we move even a toe before
daylight, and then goes down stairs Here
he eats up our pies and cakes, breaks up al
our plated silver, carries OF the milk jug
and butter dish. and in going away leaves
the doors open for cats and mosquitoes and
moth-millers to come i'm.
II tell you what, such things 20 far 10
vex 3 good citizen and make bad man OF
him. ! want to be treated like a gentle
man, especially in my own house. / don't
like to have strange people enter my bed
room at midnight and brow-beat me. Nc
true gentleman will compare my wifes
mouth to potatO-trap. aud no man fit to
appear in good society will call me spindle
shanks, old coon, etc, unless we had boil
been drinking and were having hilariou:
time. / feel perturbed, sir-very much
perturbed, and if the thing occurs again
shall certainly go to the police about it"