Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1885-11-26
"Reminiscences ofChicagO's Great
Lawyer.
Chicago Tribune.

Chicago Tribune.
No lawyer at the Chicago bar was
equal to the late genial, witty Emory
A. Storrs in quickness or brilliancy OF
repartee. His replies generally came
like flashes OF lightning, as per these
samples:
Once in court StOrrS made an OBJ
lection to the testimony Of u certain
witness, wheI eupon opposing counsel
remarked: 1T hurts you 10 meet the
truth" ooh, no replied StOrrs, as
quick as a flash, Il never met the
truth. 1t and always travel IN the
same direction"
In similar vein was his rather cruel
remark to a friend OF his who vas in
the witness csGir, and who declined
to make a statement Just as StOrrs
evidently wanted it II should liketO
favor you, Mr.. StOrrs," said the wit
ness, but | have even more regardtor
the truth than for you"
90, very WE'LL" was the lawyer re-
ply; ''but q man at your age ought
not to desert old friends and take up
with strangers"
80, yes, said Storrs once OF ar emf
nent and wealthy Chicagoan, so
and-so is a nice man, a very nice man.
l never observed but one thing OBJ
iectionable in him, and that is thathe
is insufferable."
A friend once chided him upon his
improvidence and urged him to pre-
pare a competence for his old age.
odd age" said Storts prOphetical-
ly, dis a rustcd stove pipe. | may
burn out, but | shall never rust
On another occasion his reckless
ness with money being adyerted to he
retorted:
Money! If | tried to save it |
should become its slave. Now II IS
my weapon. When | fling it at people
they become slaves OF mine
To an attorney who in cour; sprung
an ingenious but unsuccessful surprise
Storrs triumphantly remarked: "lou
attempted murder and accomplished
suicide"
Some OF the sharpest shafts that
ever left Storrs' culver were aimed at
HAYES. His well known DESCRIPTION
OF HAYES al the Garfield funeral VIII
bear repetition:
There stood Il. B. Hayes clad in a
long, linen ulster, with a straw hat on
the back Of his head, holding III ms
right hand a yellow worsted bag with
the letters r. b. III. worked IN purple
by Lucy on one side. And no one
spoke to him except a policeman, ana
he told him to keep of the grass:
During the campaign OF 1870 otorT'
lunched with Hayes at Fremont. In
describing the meal a year or two al
terward, he said:
at was q royal banquet. AZ one
end OF the table sat Rutherford. WIN
a plate Of Clipped beef in front OF nm
At the other end was Lucy, with some
baked apples and bread. In front OF
me sat Schuyler Colfax. Between us
was a pitcher OF ice water ,
r.. c.. Crawford recently related IN
the New York World a new and char
acteristic anecdote. Storrs was TAX
ING n brief rest at Saratoga, ana one
dav a group OF m~illiOnaires began 10
chat him about his lack o. prudence
in money matters. Suddenly storrs
turned upon his tormenters and ex-
claimed: "
"You rich fellows appear to THINK
that money is an intellectual process
and that the wealth acquired by you
proves that you are a very superior
kind OF men. You are very much ms,
taken. There is nothing intellectual
about acquisitiveness. 1t is merely an
animal trait. 1t is less highly deyel-
oped in you gentlemen than IN o
chipmunk. The beaver IS very much
YOUR superior in this regard: Where
are the rich men in history There
are two only who live in the legends OF
literature-Dives, who survives Oh aG-
count OF his fortunate connection WIN
a pauper, and Grpsus, becausehlsname
has been used by poets merely asa
SYNONYM. Gentlemen, where are tue
stockholders who built the Parthe.
non9 Doubtless in their day they SAT
around in Athens and spoke Oh tho
fine work that Phidias was dong ior
them. But, gentlemen, where are Tue
stockholders to-day and where Is
Dbidiaa9p