The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1885-08-19
Crazy Quilt Architecture.

Nye, In the Chattanooga Times
, The 4meyicdn Architecf and Build
ing Neirs thinks, contains more truth
| than fiction:
! 1t may be premature, perhaps,
! but / desire to suggest to any one
! who may be contemplating the erec-
| tion of summer residence for me,
as slight testimonial of his high
. regard for my sterling worth and
symmetrical escutcheon-a tes-
} timonial more suggestive of earnest
, admiration and warm personal
friendship than of great intrinsic
value, etc.-that | hope he viii not
construct it on the modern plan of
menta, hallucination and morbid
delirium peculiar to recent architec-
ture.
Il OF course a man ought not to
look a gift house in the gable end,
but if my friends don't know me
any better than to build me sum-
mer house. and throw in odd win
dows that nobody else wanted. and
then daub it up with colors they
have bough: at auction, and ap-
piled to the house after dark with
shotgun, | think it is time that we
had better understanding.
Such structure does not come
within either OF the three clas-
ses of Renaissance. 1t is neither
Florentine, Roman, nor Venetian.
Any man can originate style of
architecture if he will drink the
lrigh: kind of whisky long enough,
and then describe his feelings to an
amar uensis Imagine the sensa-
ton that one of these modern, saw
ed-off cottages would create hum
dred wears from now, if it should
survive. But that is impossible.
The only cheering feature OF the
| whole matter is that these creatures
of a disordered imagination must
soon pass away, and the bright sun
light OF hard hOrse-sense shine in
through the shattered dormers and
gables of gnawed of architecture OF
the average summer resort. A friend
Of mine, few days ago. showed NE
his new house with much pride. He
asked me what | thought Of it. l
told him | liked it first rate. Then
| went home and wept all night.
Ii was my first falsehood.
The house taken as a whole look
ed to me like a skating rink that
had started out to make money, and
then suddenly changed its mind,
and resolved to become tannery,
Then ten feet higher it had lost all
self-respect, and blossomed into a
full brown drunk and disorderly,"
surmouuted bv the smoke stack of
foundry and with the bright fu-
ture of thirty days ahead with the
chain gang. That's the way it look
ed to me.
The roofs were made of little odds
and ends of mi.fit rafters and dis
tor,ed shingles that somebody had |
purchased at sheriff's sale, and the
rooms and stairs were giddy in the |
extreme. | went in and rambled |
around among the cross-eyed stair
cases and other Nightmares till rea-
son tottered on her throne. Then /
came out and stood on the architec-
tural wart called the side porch, to /
get fresh air. This porch was pain
ted dull red, and it had wooden
rosettes at the corner that looked /
like brand new carbuncle on the
nose of social wreck. Further up
on the demoralized lumber pile |
saw now and then places where the |
workman's mind had wandered and 4
he had nailed on his clapboards |
wrong side up. and tnen painted
them with the Paris green that he /
had intented 10 use on something
else. 1t wa; an odd-looking struc- |
ture indeed. If my friend got all the I
materials for nothing from people |
who had fragments of paint and lum-
Der left over after they failed, and
then if the workmen constructed il
nights for mental relaxation and III |
tellectual repose, without change, of
course the scheme was financial 1
success, but architecturally the |
house is a gross violation of the sta |
tutes in such cases made and provi-
ded, and against the peace and
dignity of the State.
There is a look of extreme power
ty about the structure which man
might struggle for years TO acquire
and then tail. No one could look
upon it without feeling heartache
for the man who built that house,
and probably struggled or year af-
ter year, building little of it at
time as he could steal the lumber.
getting a new workman each year,
building a knob here and a p,otub-
erance there, putting in a three cor
nered window at one point and
yellow tile or a ward Of broken glass
or other debris at another, patiently
filing in around the ranch with any,
old rubbish that other people had
got through with and painting it as
he went along. taking what was left
in the bottom of the pot after his
neighbors had painted their bob |
sleds or their tree boxes-little fav
ors thankfully received-and then I
surmounting the wholk pile with a
potpourri of roof, q grand farewell |
incubus of bumps and hollows for
the rain to wander through and
seek out the different cells where the 1
lunatics live who inhabit it.
/ did tell my friend of one thing
that thought would improve the /
looks of his house. He asked me
eagerly what it could be. l said it
would take a man of great courage
to do it for him. He said he didn't
care for that. He would do it him
self If it only needed one thing,he
would never rest until he had it
whatever that might be. Then
told him that If he had a friend
one that he could trust-who would /
steal in there some night when the
family were away, and scratch a
match on the leg of his breeches, or
on the breeches OF any other gentle
men that was present, and hold it
49, =, ,ro,,fd iap:ta the alleged