Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-03-03
evening gemotrat.
BILL NYE's BUDGET.

BILL MES
Much that is annoying in this life is
occasioned by the use of high-priced
word whore cheaper one would do. In
these days of failure, shortage at both
endu, and financial stringency generally,
/ often wonder that some people Should
so on, day after day, using just as eXtrav-
agant language as they did during the
flush times. When | get hard UP, the
first thing l do is to economist in my eX-
pressions in everyday conversation. Ii
there is marked stringency in business,
| lay aside first my French, then my
Latin, and finally my German. Should
the times become greatly depressed, and
assignments become frequent, | begin to
lop off the large words in my own Ian
guage, beginning with 'incomprehensi-
bility," "unconstitutionality, etc, etc,
Julius Caesars motto used to be,
''Avoid an unusual word as you would a
a rock at sea" and julie was right about
it, too. Large and unusual words, espe-
cially in the mouth of ignorant people,
are worse than "Rough on Rats" in a
clearinghouse pie.
Years ago there used to be a pompous
Gus in Southern Wisconsin, who was a
seif-made man-extremely so. Those
who used to hear him assert again and
again that he was a self-made man, al
ways felt renewed confidence in the Gre
ator.
He rose one evening, in a political
meeting, and, swelling out his bosom, as
his eagle eye rested on the chairman he
said:
'Mr. Chairman! move you that the
cheer do appoint a committee of three to
attend to the matter under discussion.
and that sayed committee be clothed bv
the cheer with ominiscent and omniuo-
tent powers"
The motion was duly seconded, and
the cheerman said he guessed that it
wouldn't be necessary to put it TO vote.
81 guess it will be all right, Mr.. Pink
ham. guess there'll be no declivity to
that"
And so the committee was appointed
and clothed with Omniscent and OmnipO-
tent power, there being no declivity to it.
We had self-made lawyer at one time.
IN the northern part of the State, who
would rather find a 75-cent word and use
it in a speech where it did not belong
than to eat a good square meal. He was
more fatal to the kings English than
O'Dynamite Rosa. One day he was
telling how methodical one of the county
officials was.
why" said he, ar never saw a man
do so much and do il so easy. But the
secret OF it is plain enough. You see, he
has a regular Totunda Of business every
day"
1t he meant anything, / suppose he
meant routine of business, but a man
would have to be mind-reader to follow
hum some days when he had about six
fingers of cough medicine aboard, and be-
gan to paw around in the dark and musty
garnet OF his memory for moth-eaten
words that didn't mean anything.
A nelghbor OF mine went to Washing
ton during the Guiteau trial, and has been
telling Us about it ever since. He is one
OF those people who don't want to be
close and stingy about what they know.
DE likes to go through life shedding in
formation right and left. He likes to get
q crowd around him, and then tell how
be was in Washington at the time of the
post mortiSe examination"
"Boys, you may talk all you're a mind
to, but the greatest thing l saw in Wash |
ington," says he, twas DR.. Mary Walker |
on the street every morning riding one OF !
these philosophers"
He painted the top Of his fence green,
last year, SO he would kind of combinate |
with his blinds"
II he would make his big words "com-
binate" with what he means little bet I
ter, he would not attract SO much atten-
ton. But he don't care. He hates to see
o big, fat word loafng around with moth
ing to do, so he just throws one in oc-
casionally-for exercise, I guess.
In the Minnesota Legislature, in 1867.
they had under discussion a bill to in
crease the per diem of members from
three dollars to five dollars. A member
IF the lower house, who voted for the
measure, was hauled over the Goals by (
one Of his constituents and charged with
corruption In no unmeasured terms. To
all this the legislator calmly answered
that when he got down to the capital and
found out the awful price of board, he
concluded that his "per disdem" ought
10 be increased, and so he supported the
measure. Then the belligerent constitu-
ent said;
81 beg your pardon and acquit YOU of
all charges of corruption, for legislator {
who does not know the difference be-
tween crown of glory and the price of a
days work is too big blankety BANKED
fool to be convicted of an intentional
wrong. "-Nesc York Mercury.