Daily Republican., 1885-04-09
MIRTH AND MERRIMENI'

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
Delighted young husband What a
treasure you are, my love thought
you were 30 bound up In music, and
painting, and embroidery and such
things that you would not think Of CIV
ing attention to such unpoetic things as
meals but here you have one of the
most delicious plum-puddings / have
ever eaten" B'ushing bride Oh,
do not forget that you always liked nice
things" But getting me such a.
delicacy must have taken you consider
able time" Well, It did but that
was because neither Bridget nor /
knew how TO get 1t OPEN" "Get what
open, my love p" Why, the can the
pudding came In"
why he loved music" Your wife
is cutie a vocalist" " Yes, and en-
courage her in it as far as is in my
power" "Quite right, too, for music
10 o divine arr. l think 1t is the most
elevating and purifying of all arts !;
and Shakespeare was right when he
eaid that the man who has not III usic
in his soul ID fit fer treason, strata
gems. and spells. Don't you love
music ?" "Very much, indeed /"
And your wke's singing l should
think, would please you greatly ?"
alt does. it does, assure you; fol
when she sings she can't talk, anc--"
The lady came in at that m ment, and
the conversation was not continued.
An Irishman who was a dealer in o
small way, and kept little donkey and
cart, came. on one occasion, to o
bridge wheA a toll was levied, bu,, 10
| his disappointment. found he had not
enough money to pay 1t. A bright
| thou ht struck him. He embarrassed
| the donkey and put 1t into the cart.
! Then, eettin between the shafts him
self, To pulled the cart, with the donkey
standing in 1t, on TO the bridge. In
due course he was hailed by the toll.
collector. "Hey, man." cried the
latter, "whaur's yer toll?" "Begorra,"
said the Irishmap, "just ak the
dro!veip'
" Maria" said Mr.. Jones, who has
boon trying his hand at poetry, d" have
written sonnet" Have you, deaip"
said Maria, sweetly, as she nibbled the
Blate.pencil she was holding for Willie.
Why do you call it a sounet?" "Oh,'' y
answered Jones, loftily because 1t will
rhyme SO nicely with bonnet" Maria
thought sbe detected latent sarcasm
"You might have said hat" she muir
INJURED, demurely. Why hat?" asked
j Jones, with interest. "It would rhyme
| go nicely W it'll fiat" purred Mrs. jon es
A silence that might have been fel
ensued.
Old Simpbips Is what might be call
! ed q comical chap. A literary frien,
invited him to rake glsss of wine IL
a restaurant. "Have you read my las
two poems?" asked the literary friend
{" Yes, 1 have read then," replied oil,
simpkins, with sigh. "Well, tell M
now, candidly, how do you like them?
!" Candidly?" sob, certainly" oh
first of those two poems Is absolutel,
| worth less, and the second Is not quit
: up to the standard of the first one"
/ "Do you call that q veal outlet
q waiter" said an exquisite, one of til
most delicate type even In that favorit
region of exquisites, the West-end
I "Wby sir, such veal outlet as that is a
Il insult TO every sell. respecting calf !
the country" The waiter hung hi
: head in very shame for a momen
and then replied In the language of th
IA humblest apology: 81 really didn
intend to insult you, sir"
!. A little four year. old remarked
" her mother on going to bed " l al
It not afraid of the dark, mamma" N
of course you are not" replied b.
- - mother, "for 1t can't hurt you" "Bu
~ mamma, l was little afraid once whs
Ii | went into the pantry In the dark
get an apple" What were yr
- afraid of, dear ?" asked her mothe
II. 81 was afraid couldn't find the q
ct ples."
"These cakes remind mo of mot
,s er's," said Mr.. Young husband to b
&c. wife. WE'LL" she responded, q
ar never expected to hear you say til
I any CT my cooking resembled 20
At mothers. She was wonderful oooH
ct. have no doubt, for you have said 8,
- was. In fact, there was only one thi
VI that she ever failed in" "What v
\ that ?" "Cakes."
A new fireproof hotel is to have st
Dr. beds, asbestos mattresses, and tin shee
!: The bells will be tongue. tied, the ele
- tor will be water balanced, the drill
*, will be frozen, the bell boys will
w. polite, there will be fire escapes Fl
II every fireplace, the gas cannot
= blown out, and patrons cannot be ov
IN charged.
s ~ Johnnie Is q thinker. Pa" he asl
4 st one day, show big was Adam when
was berned 2" "He was q man, 8
. as large as a man when made. "Tl
T. he never didn't have any boy +
T.. did hep "No, my son."
right away got married ?" "Ye
"Golly No wonder he never laug
w. much |"
emo" said a farsi GIFTED father;
don't want dog to keep the yo'
BY" When?" asked the dog d
or. "After my daughters get n
az RED" But what will you want {
, dog then?" "To keep them and t
husbands from coming back here
livei''
A laundering compositor, in set
up the toast, Woman: without
man would be savage" got the p'
tuation in the wrong place, which n
be 1t read: Woman, without her
se rs would be q savage" The mistake
not discovered until the editors
ac undertook to. read the proof.
our A hotel keeper is Australia who
cd. been troubled with guests blowing
the gas, 10 said to have Obviated the
fculty by posting this notice :" Tn
IVY latiyes and friends of the guests
i. blow out the gas will have to pay
the amount wasted before the body
u be delivered.
N, A householder who lately effecte
sale. was offered bottle of porte
confess the animals faiiings. Inc
sm tie was drunk, and he then sair