The Portland daily press., 1885-12-04
ANCIENT HISTORY.
BY I. B.


A man accomplishes grave mistake,
When he-from self-esteem, solicitation,
Or other cause-aSsumes to undertake
A work for which he has no clear VOCATION
And so, however fairly he intends,
Bestows his tediousness upon his friends.
IT'S so with me: took the Poets place,
Because to have a Poet was convenient
And should there be failure in the case,
hope, when tried, the jury will be lenient:
That when their verdict comes to be expressed,
Twill be-"Wel, Grandpa tried to do his best
Now. though to genus make no pretence,
Be it remembered that on one occasion
An ASS tits written spoke, and talk'd good
sense,
Though it was done on somewhat rough persua-
sion.
But without blows, I'll try what can be told
About the worthless of the days ofold.
Among them we may reckon "Billy Hance,"*
Who, though not wise, or rich, or over witty,
Was one to be distinguished at a glance,
And known Familiarity about the City
For SO they call it now-'twas then town,
And with its history Billy's should go down.
In jobs and errands faithfully he wrought;
Had been a soldier in the Revolution;
Revered George Washington, and some folks
thought
CONSIDERED him Heavens choicestinstltution
And with the proper stimulants for him
Twas easy to be got lin fighting trim"
BOYS would call out to him that Washington
Once hid behind a stump, and was coward:
He would give chase, and they would draw him
It'll he by failing breath was overpowered;
Then would he rate them roundly for their
crime.
And promise them their pay another time.
When bringing milk, a teamster in one case
Accused of cowardice 'the nations glory
Billy dash'd milk and pitcher in his face,
And went to his employer with the story.
She smiled and said, well, take care, Billy, do,
OF Washington, and I'll take care of you"
Encouraged thus, be started off amain
Upon his erand, feeling vastly richer.
Passing his foe, he said, Say that again?
Do, and you shall have this Showing the pitcher,
And will get the money to buy more
OF Mrs. Preble as did before"
Once, thus insuted for the man he made
Savage and fierce as aught upon the globe, or
Elsewhere perhaps; but checked himself, and
said,
81 don't mind what fool says, when Tn sober;
But d--n you! some time when I'm drunk, you
let
Me hear you say So and see what you'll get"
One Sunday in the gallery he drowsed
OF the First Parish Westinghouse, and starting
Bewilder'd from his tpsy slumber, reused
BY hustle of the worshippers departing,
He shouted while the crowd were moving on,
With all his force, "Hurrah for Washington"
Judge Prentiss Mellen, grand and dignified,
For being tipsy once complained of Billy
Whose friendly greeting touch'd his Honor's
pride
And lodg'd him in the Alms-house.t-small and
silly
Such sorry spite the victim ne'er forgave,
But bore a grudge against him to the grave.
Though quiet if not teas'd, yet when enrag'd
He feard no odds-his courage was undaunted;
And when for any work he was engaged,
He scrupulously did just what was wanted;
Was true and honest-all allow'd him SO;
And never turn'd his back on friend or foe.
Let US remember Harry too, his son.
Loquacious, pleasant tempered, and half-witted-
But whom the young men chatted with for fun,
And liked to have him against others pitted.
Asking him once about his sister, "Why,'
He answered, "she's bigger fool than l."
In feign'd surprise, they said .'Can that be so?
A greater fool than you! How can you show it?'
Said Harry, ''WelI, am fool, know
But she-she is fool and doesn't know it.r
Much mirth was made by this; and they, no
doubt,
Thought Harry handsomely had made it out.
To join the Free viii Baptist Church he sought
~ a. ~
One T****s B***T-a good member thought,
And active then in the denomination
Said, Don't admit him. Harry queried why?
Because you are a fool,' was the reply.
'.Foo as am" he said, 81 should trust
Have wit enough to know, if was married,
My wife from my wfes sister, and the thrust
By Brother B***r no-how could be parried,-
For he, as Harry chanc'd to recollect,
Had made slight mistake in that respect.
Onpublic days. not seldom, folks who knew
His aptitude, would offer Harry liquor,
Then ask him for sentiment-and few
Could furnish one more apropos, or quicker.
Of keen perception he was known to be,
Strong memory, and quick at repartee.
They both have passed away but there should be
Some notice to their memory awarded;
They filled place in Portlands history
Which neither Goold nor Willis has recorded.
s'Honor and shame from no conditions rise:
-4ct lce1 your part-tltere all the honor lies.
Theirs were not names sat which a world grew
pale;''
Their deeds not such as strike mankind with ter
ror.
And retrospection show'd them to bewail
No henous crime, and only venial error.
May they in wisdom and in love increase,
And, life's brief turmoil over, rest in peace.
*Always so pronounced but spelled Hands, as 1
am informed.
fused also at that time as a house of correction.