The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1885-07-30
THE BULL.
Gentlemanly Bovine Who is Extremely Fastidi.
Gus In His Opinions About Feminine Attire.


fSan Francisco Netos Leiterl
A bull is a gentleman cow, with sensitive
and excitable temperament, which renders
him an uncongenial companion when the pre-
vailing style of dress fails to receive his apprO-
baton. / have known bull intimately for
years without single jar in the harmony of
our relations, and then, as l sauntered home
one dreamy Spring morning through the nod
ding buttercups, listening to the CHEEKY pipe
of the partridge Or the mellow coo of the ring
dove, with my whole being en- rapport with
nature, and my wifes shawl on my arm,
have been rudely, almost hastily, reused from
my reverie and impressed with the improved
aspect of nature ON the other side of the fence.
This may have been a momentary weakness
on the part of my friend. / hope it was, but
since that time / have mildly but firmly in
sisted upon my wife sending her shawl home
by one of her relations. The bull is equally
fastidious in his criticism of feminine attire,
and brusque in the expression of his opinion
thereon. A city young lady who. along with
226 other young ladies, had been my wife's
dearest friend at school, was paying US visit
last Summer, and, after clapping her hands in
innocent glee when she found that butter
didn't grow in buttercups, nor gooseberries on
geese, started one day across my ancestral
acres, carrying real sweet parasol, with red
stripes, fringed with guipure and ornamented
la Turque, which she told my wife was chic
and quite la mode
She tripped along with just trip enough to
display her embroidered ankles, without en-
dangering the set of her dolman, and seeing
my thoroughbred Holstein standing ankle-deep
in clover (all aristocratic bovines in paintings
and on paper stand ankle-deep in something)
she artfessly prattled: F." Oh, what pretty cow
Where is its darling little baby caller" Then
the Holstein seemed to get offended at the IN
gentlemanly asperson, or else disapproved of
the chicness and Ia modify of her parasol, for
he uttered an ominous below, Indicative of 8
and there, or die in the attempt. My previous
acquaintance with these symptoms made the
fence seem dismally far away. i am brave
man, but Wellington himself never knew what
it was to stand in the way of an unsuspecting
female with red striped parasol, and listen to
the unqualified remarks of Holstein bull
with fastidious tastes. I said, with great pres
ence of mind, Lets you and I run foot-race
to the fence, and the loser pays pound of
gum-drops. Col"
1 think must have got little the start of
the young lady, or else city girls can't run, for
came in first by about 10 yards, with the bull
good third, his head down and an expression
in his eye which said: Give me red parasol,
or give me DEATH" As scrambled up on the
fence without regard to my usual dignity of
department, heard scream-the city young
lady rose in the air, the hand-embroidered
ankles became distinctly visible, the parasol
fell on the bulls horns and I clutched a
very demoralized dOlman, with hysterieal
female inside of it, and held them in safety on
the top rail. While the Holstein devoted his
attention to DISCRIMINATING the offensive sun
shade, 1 assisted the young lady to reach the
ground ON the other side.
After an examination, cursory on my part
and more minute on hers, she was found 90 be
unhurt, and asked her how she managed to
get ON the fence so quickly. She blushed and
stammered: 1.-the nasty old cow-hooked
his-hookers-under me, and-and helped me-"
"Thanks," said ], "awfully."