davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18
TO MAKE HAPPY HOME.
Twenty Good Rules Laid Down ny = Re.
ligfOus newspaper

One-Lean to govern yourself, and TO
be gentle and patient.
Two-Guard your tempers, especially
in seasons of i'll health, irritation and
trouble, and soften them by prayers and a
sense of your own shortcomings and
errors.
Three-Never speak or act in anger I'M
til you have prayed over your words or
acts, and concluded that Christ would
nave done so in your place.
Four-Remember that, valuable as is
the gift of speech, silence is often much
more valuable.
Fiye-Do not expect too much from
others, but remember that all have an evil
nature, whose developments we must ex-
pect, and which we should forbear and for
give, as we often desire forbearance and
forgiveness ourselves.
Sixth-Neyer retort a sharp or angry
word. 1t is the second word which makes
the quarrel.
Seven-Beware of the first disagree
ment.
Eight-Learn to speak in a gentle tone
of voice.
Nine-Learn to say kind and pleasant
things whenever an opportunity offers.
Ten-Study the character Of each and
sympathize with all in their troubles, how
ever small.
Eleven-Do not neglect little things. il
they can effect the comfort OF others in the
smallest degree.
Twelve-Avoid moods, and pets, and
fits of sulkiness.
Thirteen-Learn to deny yourself, and to
prefer others.
Fourteen-Beware Of meddlers and tale
bearers.
Fifteen-Never charge a bad motive il a
good one is conceivable.
Sixteen-Be gentle but firm with chill
dren.
Seventeen-Do not allow your children
to be away from home at night without
knowing where they are.
Eighteen-Do not allow them 10 go
where they please on the Sabbath.
Nineteen-Do not furnish them with
much spending money.
Twenty-Remember the grave, the judy
ment seat, and the scenes Of eternity, and
so order your home on earth that you shall
have a home in heasea. Pfssbgferiaa
Chroaicss.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18
A MODEL WITH ESs.


'.Do you know the prisoner at the bar ?"
ssHim >"
Yes; answer up prompt.
THAT fellow there p
Certainly; do yon know him
.'Him -
s'Yes, TO be sure; why don't yon
answer -
'sWhy, pslIaw, Judge. Him al M mar
ried gals out Of the same family-sisters,
you might say
''Well, do you know him ?
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18
VOL. II.
SONG OF iii BROOK.

come from haunt's of DOT and hern:
make a sudden sally,
And sparkle out among the fern,
To Dickcr down n valley.
BY thirty hills ! hurry down,
Or slip between the ridges,
BY twenty thorps, IL little town,
And half Il hundred bridges.
Till last by Philips farm l How
To join the trimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But | go on forever
chatter over stony ways,
In little sharps and trebles,
bubble into eddying bays,
Ibabble ON the pebbles.
With many ii curve my banks | fret
BY many n field and fallow,
And many Il fairy foreland set
With willow-weed and mailow.
chatter, chatter us ] flow
To join the trimming river;
For men may come ana men may go,
But | go on forever.
| wind about, and in and out,
With here II blossom sailing,
And here and there a Iusty front,
And here and there Il grayling.
And here and there a foamy lake
Upon me, as travel,
With many "a silver waterbreas
Above the golden gravel.
N draw them all along, and low
To join the trimming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But | go on forever.
steal by lawns and grassy plots:
slide by hazel covers:
move the sweet forget-me nots
That grow for happy lovers.
slip. | slide, ! gloom, | glance,
Among my Swimming swallows,
make the ncttled sunbeams dance
Against my sandy shadows.
murmur under moon and stars
In brambly w~ildernesses
linger by my shingly bars;
loiter round my crosses
And out again curve and flow
To join the Drumming river,
For men may come and men may go,
But | go on forever.
-A{G.e6 TouuUSol
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Cant you understand plain English ?
Do you know this man -
'That'n?'
''Of course, you blockhead. Do you
know him %
Know him? Why. bless your old
heart, Judge, he's.got a pup now that l
give him morn'n five years ago, an you
never see such a dog in all your born days
as that'n turned ont to be. Why, pshaw,
Judge, you couldn't find nothin like him
with hide an hair in seven counties; but
the way | come to git him was just one of
the funniest blamed things you ever heered
tell of. You see the way Of it was this
uh o.
"Hold on. Stop right there. We don't
want any dog stories just now. Do you
know him -
'sWho?;
"Why, this man."
9Th? Why, | lowed you meant the
dog. Well, if I'd knowed the pup half so
well as did him, you can bet your socks
he wouldn never a got him, Judge; that's
what he wouldn't. Why, dog-gone it all,
Judge, that dog was half pinter, an-uhs'
stop this saving around and answer
the question, or you'll be committed
s'Uh?"
Il say you'll be committed
"Uh?"
Il say you'll be committed for con-
tempt? ~
NFor what ?"
'For contempt"
whats that -
Twill you answer the question -
YES"
well, then. why don't you do it ~
"Do what %
Answer the question"
What question ?"
"The one | asked yon."
"Which'n ?"
"Do you know the man ."
what man ~
THE prisoner at the bar
Il wonder now if you mean Bill Gimpsa''
Certainly. Do you know him -
Didn't l say we both married into the
same family ?"
Yes; but do-you-know him %
"Well, now, see here, Judge. Don't
you know I'd be like to know my own
brother-in-law ~
Twill you answer the question -
what question ?"
sDo you know Bill Gimps??''
Didn't give him a pup five years
ago?n
"Yes; but do you know him %
well, now, see here. Judge, | claim TO
be free born an half white, an do Won
sPose | wouldn't have any more sense
than to fool away a dog on a man | don't
know No, stree; | never got so blamed
flush with dogs as to waste 'em like that.
Know him OF course | do: better'n do
the size of my own feet or my ole woman's
voice, aud could'y told you so long ago if
you'd only asst me. Know him at the bar?
Why, blast it all, Judge, that S where | fust
got acquainted with him, by his standin'
treat, an | never knowed a man, Judge.
that was more certain to turn jack right
where it was needed in a game of seven-up
than him. You can go your pile on him
for that every time and never get left. Yes,
sir, I'd know Bill Gimps anywhere, even
in meetin though don't s'pose | could
ever make out how he got there. Know
him? Yes-sir-ee-bob. | know him as
well as | do when dinner-time comes. Is
that strong enough, Judge, or do you want
me to produce his note TO show how much
more | know him? | can do it if SIGH is
law
That will do"
.'Uh?"
You may step down.
Down where -
Down stairs, you Observation-Disclosures
20 Ledger.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Our stock of Canton floor mattings, at
Ice, 1Sc., 20c. and 25c., are better in quail
ity than we ever sold before. We bought
them direct of an importer at his closing
out sale, and our tariff of charges will be
found much lower than elsewhere, either
in city or country. Come and see them.
f. b. Humphreys g. Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Just opened, 3 packages of nice medium
weight unbleached sheeting muslin, elegant
goods, 80 inches wide. at &c. 40 inches wide,
10 cts. AZ inches wide at II cts. per yard.
Also heavy yard wide bleached muslin at
8 cts. a yard, as heavy as Wamsntta but
hardly so fine. May wear as well or better.
h. b. Humphreys q Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Turkey red table damask, sixty inches
wide, made by the Renfrew Mills and war;
ranted never to fade. This is strong talk,
but they say so and we believe them.
Eight new patterns just opened at Hum
phreY's.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

1880 yards calico, Simpsons best goods,
warranted fast %colors, at DC. a yard. All
the new spring styles just received and
opened at Humphreys.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

New stock of mems light weight merino
shirts and drawers, just the thing to put
on in place of winter weights, at Hum
phreys.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

We have a good hook lace shoe for men
at 81 .50, and the same in youths at Sl.25.
These are fine goods and will do honest
wear. We also have a nice grain button
shot for ladies at $f.25, the best we ever
had at the price. Il. b. Humphreys Il Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Children's button shoes at soc. to $1.00
The real genuine solar tips at S1.00 per
pair. E. b. Humphreys & Co.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

Boys percale shirts with collars at 40
cts. Boys cheviot shirts with collars at 45
cts. All kinds mems shirts at Hum
phreys.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18
EDWARDS
DRIGKLAYING AND PLAsTEnING

me subscribers announce that they have 10
Gated in Woodstown, and are prepared to exc
cute orders for brieklaying, plasteling and all
kinds of mason work, by contract or by the
day. at reasonable rates. Residence, Newtown,
I'd door sonth OF Railroad, East side.
t-6m. SHtOtGH ~ B1kU.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1885-09-18

That we can, in connection with the MONITOR,
secure you "A subscription to any paper or
magazine published, at IA much lower price
than the regular rate, and You will do well to
let rs know if you are contemplating Il sub
scription TO any publication.
THE MONITOR, Woodstown. Nj.
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
THE NATIONS HERO DEAD.
BY r. HASTINGS BRYANT.

Why toll a thousand bells upon the morning air,
Why stills the Fastening throng in busy mari
and street?
Why weeps Columbia-why mourn her daughters
Why blanche the brows when questioning
Why drop the flags half lowered on the mast2
Why millions bowed with bare and reverend
Why reddeniug eyes and tear-d-ops falling fast?
Why mourn the world?-the Nations Hero
dead!
Toll the bell for the toil-worn hero toll;
Sound the bugle-call the clarion anthem swell
From sea 10 sea, from north to southern pole.
Ring out oh braZen tongues the funeral knell
OF him we loved, who once our country saved
With sword, to truth and freedom strong allie !,
And broke the chains Of millions, dark ens.ayed.
Toll toll! tel the nations how he died:
Not in battles van, midst sabers c'ashing,
Not midst screaming shell and cannon flashing,
Not 'miGst bloody sweat, AM agonizng moan;
Not midst riies blaze the column CALLING,
Not in auxIoL IS camp or On CORY field;
Not midst thinning ranks OF con radts falling,
Did uesth's dark arrow piece his ear hly
shield;
1t fell NOT swiftly, as dazzling lightnings fash.
'Midst roaripg storm or angry Southern b ast-
As pes.ering worm that gnaws the towering a b,
Slow, cruelty, the Wlthering blight was cast. 49,
With quitt mein, ard suffering weakened frame,
Our Hero bowed to Heavens sovereign will,
And whispering low Jehovah's holy name, -
SCARED up to him who bade the waves te still.
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
THE WRONG SIDE.

Boston Courier.
What is your occupation?" the judge
asked the seedy,red-nosed man.
"pm a bartender, your honor" was
the reply.
"But the officer swears you're loafer
and pass the greater part of your time in
saloons"
"Don't a bartender pass most of his
time in saloons?"
''True," mused the judge. "By the
way" he asked, (which side of the bar
do you tend?"
''The outside, your honor"
II thought So" said the judge; "three
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
LOST IN THE BUSH.
A Young Girls Terrible Experience in Au
tralia.

A Young Girls Terrible Experience in Aus
Melbourne Argus
A special correspondent Of the Argu.
gives the following graphic account Of
the finding of young girl Clara Croshie
who had been lost in the bush for three
weeks: "It was on the. twentieth dav
after the girl left Mrs. Haines'house that
a couple of friends started out to look fo,
a horse which had stlayed in the ranges
j. G. Curwan, farmer and contractor OF
Warburton, who has been fourteen years
in the district and knows his way about
was accompanied in this quest by Will.
liam Smith, piano forte tuner of Kew,
who was on tour through the district.
They struck the CockatoO creek, and as
they watched the furbid stream flowing
through the oozy bed of large morass,
MIR. Curwan began to expatiate upon the
advantages ofcanals for drainage purposes
with as much fervor as the late Hugh
McCOll used to praise canals for irriea-
ton purposes. The friends grew so in
terested in the subject that they got of
their horses to discuss it, and they were
soon deep in the history of the Suez ca
nal and that of its engineer, DeLesseps.
Then remounting and skirting the
swamps: they were riding rapidly away,
when Mr.. Smith found the head of a
starved domestic cat, which had vainly
sought succor in hole in tree. MI.
Curwan obliged his town chum," as be
calls him, by waiting till Mr.. Smith once
more left his saddle, and with a stick
fully disentomed the feline victim of
misplaced confidence in the nutritiye re-
sources of the Lilydale bush.
HE was just mounting again when q
low sound like a young blackbird'
whistle caught the acute ear of the ex
perienced bushman by his side. 'Hish,'
said Mr.. Curwan. What'sthat?' Again
the wailing, plaihuve note was borne
softly on the breeze. 1t was enough this
time. Mr.Curwan was sure it was q COO.
e.e. Inever.' be saye, hear q coo-e.e
twice in the bush without answering it.
l answered it and the soft, weak voice
came to us again, just little louder.
was sure something was wrong, but I
could not say where the sound came
from because of the echo of the hills. /
galloped up the rise in front of us and
coo-e ed now and again. Every time we
coo-e-ed-iDdeed, oftener-we got the
response of that low yet piercing note of
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08

distress. When we got on to the hill I
was sure the voice came from the swamp
we had left. As fast as logs, boes, and
ravines would let us we advanced toward
the spot where we had been talking
about canals. / heard someone speak-
ing, but could not make out the Worrla
and the scrub was 30 thick / could not
see anyone.
"At last caught sight of a little oirl.
and it went to my heart to see her 80
thin and woe-begone, but could not
helieve 1t was Clara Crosbie, or that she
could have lived so long. The little
creature was tottering towards us in her
! ulster, without shoes or stockings on, but
quite sensible. She said, 81 want to 90
home to my mother. 1 have been lost
three weeks" She was so weak that
she could scarcely stand. I jumped off
my horse, put my coat around her, and
took her up in my arms. She said she
wanted drink, but wished to hasten
back to the camp with her, as I was
afraid she might 60 off. It would have
been terrible for her to have died in my
arms after all she had suffered and had
found her. She said she had lived in q
tree and used to 60 for water, but that
she had been too weak to 90 for any for
two days, and could quite believe it.
she said her clothes were it the tree, but
we did not stay to look for them, but
started home at once. Mr.. Smith went
on to bring some tea, and, although he
can't ride, never saw a man 60 across
country In better stile, AS if there v as such
thing breaking his neck in such a
tapgle. He met me half way, but 1 had
given the little thing drink out of my
hat before that. Didn't she lap it up
eagerly, and then talked all the more
about how she wandered away and
crossed the creek and found the hollow
tree, and got too frightened and too tired
to travel any more. We gave her some
tea and toast, and when we got to the
camp the cook said he saw a man who |
was lost in New leland, and the doctor
gave him some oatmeal with some |
brandy in it. But Clara smelt some |
pork and potatoes and she did beg hard |
for some of that dinner. l believes she
thinks me hard to this day. Afte sh
had eaten little and now that she felt |
quite safe and the excitement was over,
she began to look worse than when we
first found her. We could see the
ravages which hunger and exposure had
made, but considering what she had
gone through, she was wonderful chirpy.
She kept asking to be taken to her
mother in the blankets Of six of the
bays, for every man wanted to have a
share in wrapping her up, and when she
was washed and put to bed by Mrs.
Claxton at the hotel, which was nearer
han her mothers house. She has been
every since but you will see
her for yourself by and by, and get her
% talk to vOu. In week she will be as
light as ever, but it was a close shave.
don't think she would have lasted an
'ther night, as the next night stiff
rost was on and she had got too weak to
20 to the creek for the waterupon which
he lived. How she lived God knows.
have seen men used to hardships
mock under in fourth of the time
And think of the loneliness and the
wilderness of the place where she was
ound. 1t was enough to drive child
ike ner mad. She's living wonder
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
HELPING HIM QUO.

HELPING HIM QUO.
New York Sun,
Young Featherly (at late hour)-
Really, Miss Clara, it's very anoying, but
l had it on the tip of my tongue but a
moment ago. was about to say-to say
-er, singular, but it seems to have es-
capped me.
Miss Clara Coming to his assistance)-
Possibly you were about to say "good
night, Mr.. Featherly?
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
A YOUTHFUL SOCIALIST,

YOUTHFUL SOCIALIST.
Philadelphia Call.
Philanthropist-Here, here Stop
that. What are you doing to your little
brother?
Boy-Ain't doing nothin.'
"Why does he cry so then?"
Cause l took his candy away from
him"
"But didn't you have some candy
too?"
eyes, but l eat it all up"
THAT gives you no right to rob your
little brother"
Eyes it do. l am socialist, 1 am"
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
A GOOD srORY-REvISED.

Manchester Times.
That there is proper time and place
to sneeze, and when it can be proftably
done, is evinced by the conduct of q
young ensign, poor and friendless, of the
English army. He was once attending
q grand ball, and stood near the duch-
ess. She inadvertently uttered an enor-
NOUS sneeze-in fact, snort calculated
to bring on her the ridicule of the as
sembled guests. The young ensign took
in the situation, re-echoed the refrain,
and, grasping his nose as if to throttle
the sneeze, rushed from the room, leav-
the guests to suppose that he was the
offender. The next day he received .
captains commission from the duchess
husband. with q line from the lady that
'sit was an i'll sneeze that did nobody
any good"
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
so NEAR AND YET so FAR,

so NEAR AND YET so FAR.
Philadelphia Call.
Dainty dude-Melinda, how did you
like my serenade last night?
Melinda-I didn't like your position.
"My position? My attitude, you
mean"
mo, your position. You were not fal
enough away for me not to hear you,
and you were not close enough for me to
scald you.'
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
THE MOTHER OF 1T.

Father-You are not sending George
any money, I hope. At the rate he is
spending money his education will cost
more than it will be worth. He resorts
to all sorts of excuses to get money.
Mother-Butthis money is for an actual
necessity. He writes me that he is just
beginning to study German and must
have German student lamp right away.
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
An Interesting Cemetery.

Washington Correspondence of the Philadelphia Ne,cs
In wandering through "Oak Hill" Gem
etery, on the banks of the beautiful Rock
creek near Washington the other day,
came across the grave of as gallant 6
| man as ever drew sword in defense OF
bis country. Commodore George Up.
shur Morris died ten years ago at the age
o.. forty five years. He was the man
who literally "nailed to the mast oul
holy flag" and went down with his ship
"the Cumberland" rather than surren.
der to the rebel foe. That wonderful
fight in Hampton Roads, between the
Merrimac and Cumberland, will be re.
membered as long as history lasts.
George H. Boxer, the Philadelphia poet,
has immortalized Norris in his stirring
lyric, "On Board the Cumberland"
"Stano to your guns, men!' Morris cried.
Small need to pass the word,
Our men Al quarters ranged themselves
Before the gun was heard.
And then began the sailors jests:
What thing is that? say
A 'longshore meeting house adrift
Is standing down the bay.
frown came over Morris's face
The strange dark craft he knew.
"That is the iron Merrimac,
Manned by rebel crew.
$50 shot your guns an point them straight;
before the day goes by,
We'll try OF what her mettles made"
chser was our reply.
I need not repeat the rest of the poem.
1t eloquently tells the story of the fight
until the ship
Lurched to port and gave living groan
Morris was about thirty years Of age
when he fought his ship to the end
against such fearful odds. Congress
gave him a medal and promoted him
over the heads OF other officers. But for
the fact that his health failed him short
ly after that conflict he would have writ
ten his name higher up on the scroll of
fame during the remaining years of the
war.
His grave is marked by q beautiful
of marble representing
broken pillar enclasped by a wreath.
Fresh rOsebuds are strewn across the
mound every twenty four hours, and the
stricken widow, whose grief will not be
her gal ant husband every day, yelled in
ucdNy UldCA Grape, duu hccpS duU
watches over bis dreamless slumbers.
Watered with her tears and covered
with earth's beautiful flowers, the hero
of the Cumberland sleeps until the final
awakening. Around the base of the
is bed of lilies of the valley.
and ivy begins to entwine itself around
the cold marble and creep upward to the
broken shaft.
OTHER DISTINGUISHED DEAD.
Jefferson owns lot in this beautiful |
and has child buried within
it's gates. Perhaps the confederate lead
er may want to sleep his eternal slum-
Der in such magnificent city of the
lead, but then the bones of the great war
secretary, Edwin NJ. Stanton, repose
near his lot. General John 81. Eaton,
Jackson's secretary of war, who died
i've years before the sound of march
ng feet broke the stiffness of the Poto-
macs banks in fratricidal strife, lies bur-
ed here. His handsome wife, peggy
0'Neil," who dissolved the cabinet of
Did Hickory, and who, long after Gen.
married an Italian dancing
master young enough to be her grand
ION, lies in another portion of the ceme-
cry apart from General Eaton, who, by
he way, was her second husband. She
irst married Purser Timberlake, of the
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08

Texas Sntings.
An Austin business man was cleaning
out his desk the other day, and tearing
up old letters, when the colored porter,
who was in the office, spoke up and said:
"Boss, gimme one Oh dem letters"
"What do you want 1t for?"
81 promised to write letter to my old
nanny in Norf Car'lina, but as hasn't
larned to write yit, can jess send her
one oh dem letters you hain't got no use
for: hit will make her feel good, hit will"
The gentleman gave the affectionate
son q patent medicine, anti-fat circular,
which was duly mailed and addressed.
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08

Sober passenger, angrily-Look where
you step, man!
Tipsy passenger, apologeticaliy-Yes,
l do, the tr-trouble is to-hic-step
where look.
Western Kansas world., 1885-08-08
ELI PERKINS IN RICHMOND.

ELI PERKINS IN RICHMOND.
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Further on we came to very large
building and very ancient building.
"Is that tobacco factory, too?' I
asked the driver.
"No sab, dat's a 1neetin' house, sab;
dat's whar Patrick Henry made his
great speech, sah."
What did Patrick sey?" I asked.
"Why, he done cay, Glib me Liberty
or Civ me Death"
"Well, which did they give him?"
"Dey guv him bof, sab, bof."