Morning journal and courier., 1885-12-12
BALD.

Bald head, like Unfinished doors, are des- titute of locks.-Roxbury Advocate.
 Butcher-'FPorterhouse steak, madam!" New Landlady-''No, boarding house. ."-Tid Bits.
 The tattooed couple have got married. The ceremony was marked success.-Fal1 River Advance.
 ssPapa, have guns got legsa" ''No." "How do they kick, then?' s'With their brooches, my son. n."-Columbia Spectator.
 A California man has four ears. He will have a delightful time when his daughter begins to learn tine piano.-Courier Journal.
 As 8 rule lawyers are a brave class of men. "It's conscience that makes towards of us all, you know.-Yonkers Statesman.
 A 'sfaint" comet has just been discovered. It's faintness is probably due to loss of sleep from being out several nights in succession. -Pittshnre Chronicle- Telegraph
 Mime. Greville in recent lecture said "Once there was young man who fell in were intimately acquainted with the young mar. =--rJe--,iste.~., izer.I<7- ssz.,.zsa
 A fashion journal says: Horizontal stripes become very tall and slender ladies. " As it is not stated whether the stripes should be planted in hills rows, we don't think we will attempt to raise a crop of tall and slender ladies this season.-Wa ashington Ratchet.
 A Chicago boy of fourteen years recently ran away from home to become pirate king. He was captured by 8 policeman and returned to his parents. He didn't become that kind of king, but after 8 brief inter view with his father he was aching.-Norris- town Herald.
 Legal intelligencs-A young lawyer who had recently been admitted to the bar of San Antonio came to Judge Noonan for advice. s'1 want to ask your advice, Judge, about very important matter" s'Well, what is it, Timothyg' "Lawyer Howl has been telling everybody that I am donkey. Don't you think ought to fight him or sue him for damagesa' "You say he called you 8 don keys' "cYes" 'Then fight him by all means If you sue him he will prove it on you."- Texas Siftings.
 The Musical Courier tells the following anecdote about the composer of the "Queen of Sheba:' At fashionable dinner party Goldmark is introduced to a pretty young lady from the country. It appears to him that she does not seem to be sufficiently inn pressed with the homer she has just received, and so he adds a gentle reminder: "Carl Goldmark, the composer of the Queen of Shebap" Whereupon the rural belle, with charming naivete, replies: "Remunerative position, isn't it?' Goldmark withdraws in disgust.
 The Rev. Sam Jones whoops up the boys sometimes and rakes them terribly about their gambling and drinking frolics. s'Oh, Pve been all along there, boys. l know all about it, and I used to go to balls and dance, too, boys. But when I wanted to get mar ried, when wanted to settle down with 6 good wife, quit drinking and gambling; and I didn't go to ball room to get my wife, but went to prayer meeting and got good one." He told this in Texas, and when he returned to his boarding house his landlady, who had heard his remarks, said: "I doa't blame you, Brother John, but poor Sister Jones, where did she go to get her husbandp' They say this is the only time he has hean foored since he quit drinking. g.-Vicksburg Herald.
 Do de lawyers keeps goin'
 Fe' sowin an hoein,'
 Yet in spite ob all de blowin'
 By de men berry kncwint
 An de 1appn an' de crowin'
 Wid de eloquence f1owin,
 Oars none kin say perZackly