Daily Republican., 1885-02-05
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

M NH AMI m II N nj m 1N d
A young lady uptown was recently II
pissing from home for several days.
H or distracted parents sent detectives
forth In search Of her, and after they
had secured the country In vain, she
was given up. The grief Of her
parents knew no bounds, and when
they we're lust resigniDg themselves ~
the awful calamity, the young lady
walked in and stated that she had
simply been waiting for her change in
Sixth avenue dry goods store.
The lady who tapped her husband
gently with fan At q party the other
night, and said. Love, it's growing
late. think We had better 20 home."
ID the same one who, after getting
home, shook the roling-pin under bih
noss and said :" You Internal old
scoundrel, you, II you ever look At that
moan, nasty, calico faced, mackerel.
eyed thing that you looked 1t to night.
III bust your head wide open"
A German Of unspeskable height and |
competence was one day walking |
through the streets OF Philadelphia, |
when poor woman accosted him, and
begged for aims. He refused her. |
"Well," she said, 90 beg you at least
to give me one Of your left-off shoes 2"
"What would yon do with I"
Why, make II into . cradle for my
child II
A Texas Judge IL credited with the
following decision 1.-THE fact 10,
Jones, tho Jail Ia IN old. rickety affair.
A. cold ~ m iron wedge. You applied
ing IL o. your opinion that you would
ire. ~ to death there. The weather has
not moderated, and 70 keep you from
freezing I will direct the sheriff TO hang
you"
A window full Of pot-plants sudden.
~ descended into the street one morn
ing, filing the back bosom and hair OF
an elderly party with bulbs, earth and
thornr. A soon ~ he recovered his
speech he stated that be WAS . pilgrim
and stranger, but he'd bs id " he
cou ldn't lick tho man tho touched of
that powder.
"LtnRer not, darling" she said 10
him Ms he stood on the porch pressing
her hand before he babe her farewell for
the evening. He did not linger. He
saw the old man coming up the street
at . rapid gait. He fingered only long
enough 10 pull his hat down over his
eyes, spit on hts hands, and bound
actively for the sidewalk.
The story IL told of . New Bedford
Clergy man. now d. ID, who was asked
by IN Irisuman TO marry him. Why,
Pat" said the clerRynsp, what have
you come to me for? p why don't you
go to the Catholic priest 2" " I've
been 10 him, yer honor" said Pat,
" aud he told me 10 20 TO the devil, and
I've come"
Thee has perhaps heard that Herbert
Spencer Gays, "Americaps were borr
! twenty minutes late, and arc Away
Gu the struggle TO catch up" Nor
Q truly he might have said, American
were born twenty minutes ahead o
all other people on earth and were borl
, to stay there.
Piniug, sickly women should 60 u
q Colorado II they want health ant
7 strength. Mrs. Prather was not able l.
sweep her own room when she lived II
- Ohio. but the other day, after living Il
} Colorado one short year, she chase
2 her husband half mile with o pitch
= fork.
}. When man dies suddenly with
out the aid OF . ply siciAn," "A an Irish
g man once said, the Coroner must b
q | called In. II q man dies reRularl
. after being treated by doctor, every
body knows why he died, and th
COroner's inquest Ia not necessary.
o lis Mrs. Samuelson in ?" asked Mr.
N | Bozu IN bee of the servant 1T the houi
OF the former, on Austin avenue. IN
r. mum, she tole me herself TO tole 20
h she wasn't in" "That's very kind
Il her. Please tell Mrs. Samuelson that
didn't call this afternoon"
j. A gentleman was examinin An IN
t. brella, and commenting upon its Ill
quality. Yes" said q person presen
"he fancies everything he sees.
D. "And," added third party, sis II
y. clined to seize everything he fanciee.
: II there Is anything in this worl
10 calculated to make man forget tn
J. he's been to hear Moody and Sankey {
ot the previous evening, It. 10 to bOun'
" cbeerily out of bed in the morning Al
". light on the business end of q tack. !"
A little girl, four years old, created
" ripple by remarking TO the teacher
nt her Sunday school class: "Our dog
dead. / bet the angels we're scared Wit
:. they seen him coming up the wal
n, He's Cross to strangers.
A young gentleman at Kansas CT
sent seventy. Ave cents to New York
~ me'hod of writing with ont pen or In
~ he received ti6 following inscripti'
on a card: Write with q pencil"
Ed A burglar who has climbed up to
- garrett window on q ladder. IL arrest
= BY voice shouting: "Hallo. Their
DY what do you want2" MAY ask y
I for q glass of fresh water?"
ST why do you call stupid person
stick" asked Rollo one day. And IL
= los father said he didn't know, uult
IN H. WAS because that one end was Of
~ more account than the other.
A Kentucky Judge has decided th
man has no right to harness his W
"a To pillow, no, not even with q mu
i've And yet women complain that tn
! Lave no rights.
he ala what condition was the patriar
est Job 1t the end of his life Pr asked
Y Sunday school teacher. " Dead" cal
- " responded the American boy.
They are shipping apples from Ora
a. Rapids to Rotterdam, Holland. Tn
pack them 80 that they won't Rott
dam bit on the way.
en-. A New Jersey female college b
!, Of thirty. four red headed girls, and
TO principal dispenses with gas and
mes other artificial light.
"Ga,hered waists are still W
~ much In favor with young ladieI
" They are W it'll young gentlemen also
on, ---
~" County Court.
ON. Wednesday: afternoons session
ind Court convened at 3 o'clock, with
ven Chief Justice and Associates Woofi