Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1885-10-15
LIME KILN ctuB.

The Evil Effects of Theories Upon Every
Day A6sirs Practically illustrated BY
Brother Gardner.
cam Kurnel Paradox johnson in dc
hall dis eavenin'?" blandly inquired
Brother Gardner, as the regular weekly
meeting opened on the forty-seventh
degree, in due and regular shape.
The "Kurner' arose. He was there.
Some time ago he invented the theory
that Canada thistles could be cultivated
to bear mustard plasters, and his
.countenance now betrayed the fact that
he expected to be patted on the back
and ordered to take the stool of honor,
under the Bear Traps.
'.Kurnel johnson will please step dis
way" continued the President, and the
kurnel advanced to the front, bestow-
ing look of three-ply contempt on
Hon. Erastus Furlong, as he passed
him.
"Brudder Johnson" said the Presi-
dent, as the victim stood before him
with folded arms, 81 want to spoke to
you in de plainest English language.
Earn dat you hev' invented the
ory?"
.'Yes, sah.''
ut has bin long time workin' up to
a climax. hash it'''
'''Bout var, sab. :"
81 thought so. 1t was bout var
ago dat | noticed you quit work. an
began to sot around on de curbstonc.
You didn't cotch on to dis theory widout
hard struggle, did you?''
mo, sab. 1t jist almoas' upset my
mind
Il thought So l remember when
you gin up de curbstone fur saloon So
ciety. Later on you began to play
craps an policy. Towards de last
agony of your struggle you begun to
shake dice an buy lottery tickets on de
money your wife armed at the wash
tub. Inventin' a theory am powerful
hard work. Brudder Johnson"
''Yes, sah,"
at am so hard dat your wife an.
chilren am now begin fur bread an
ole clothes. while you am in debt to
everybody who'd trust you and your
landlord am gwine to frow you out o
de house"
II is sorry, sab. but l couldn't
help it.
.'Brudder Johlson" said the P-asi-
dent, in a voice which made Elder
Toots SILVER ike d faded burdock in a
winter gale, IL want to say to you an
to all other members of dis club freu
you, dat no Guild man in America has
any bilness wild thcory-an original
theory. If white folks has got time
huff an money huff to loaf around
and diskiver-in DER own minds-dat
de moon am full of jackasses which
gallop up and down. or dat the Norf
star contains a race of people who walk
on der heads an feed themselves wild
der toes, OATS all right De problem
wild de Guild man am. fust, bread an
butter; second, house rent and raiment:
third, sich eddicaShun as will enable
him and his n to write an receive let
ters; keep posted on current events;
figger up how much weeks wages
comes to at dollar day; realize dat
de Atlantic am upon one side of us an
de Pacific de odder, an hev de sense to
go to de polls anG vote for honest, de-
cent candidates shan't fine you, an
1 doant want to expel you. but you
will retire to de ante-room with Give |
adam Jones fur de space of ten minits.
Ii you hold to any part cular theory
arter he gets freu wild you it will be
sunthin' YOU am PERFECTLY welcome tor
When the .".Kurner' returned to the
hall after the proceedings he was a
changed man. One coat tail was en-
tirely missing. the other badly battered.
and his general appearance was thai OF a
man who had met the tail end of cy-
clone in country where there was
nothing to hang to.-DctroI Free Press.