Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1885-11-20
MUCH MARRIED.
The Awful Situation Of a Poor
and Defenseless Man.
a Foiygam'at Who Has Thfrty.seven
Wives and Thirty.seven Motisrs-in.
Law-One OF the Beauties OF
the Peculiar lnstitution.
[I,ocky Mountain News.l

u,ocky Mountain Newsl
"Are there many polygamists ir'
Utahf"
''Oh, fair amount of them. Not &C
many, though, as me st people think.
expect that 1, myself. am about the big
gess polygamfst in Utah at the present
time.n
"Will you give me some of your matri-
moniai experiencef
''Oa, it's sd story. young man; ha
to begin. was very religious, ycu see.
and started ever from England with a
II rmon colony to the land of Eden, as
they called 1t. Well, have b,en prosper
Gus enough; can's complain. ah is
good enough ouitry, ut you see was q
young man aul had never been in love,
and Hannah Maria WIS very pretty
biack-eyed Mormon girl. the dauch chtsr OF
an elder, and I married her. We got
along well and were making monev, but
though was very uxorisus / was foolish
enough 10 b c me smitten with another
woman
"You nj lde a mistake"
u should say did. God bless your soul.
young man, it was a terrible mistake.
Susan was good girl luz she wasn't so
good housewife as Hannah Maria; and
she had such fidyosy mother-l r g1!ar
blasted Am rican mother r-in- law, YOU
know-who always thought needs ed adj
vice"
Didn't Hannah Maria have a mother
living. too?'
"Yes, bu5 she was coed old soul, quiet
ard easy going, and got aloug all right
with her till Susan's mother came Then
Susan's cd mother. who took snuff, came
in and insisted on running things. 1t was
really pitiful, too. Hannah Mtria's
mother took it very hard. Sle didn't say
much, but she used 10 gei up into the gar
ret and cry all to herself found 1t out
and cursed Susan's mother SO much tha
came near bsing turned out Of the Nor
mon Church."
Your church is pretty strict abcu
morality, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is A man WHO gets drunk or
uses profanity, IS hauled over tbs Goals
mig lty quick, tell You. You can't do
things you can d. in the other churches, ]
can tell you."
didn't Hannah Maria Kick over a sec-
ond wife?"
mo; she thought 1 was serving tho
Lord. She was good Mormon. She knew
was getting rich, aud she thou h
ought TO have lots of children. Ia tac.,
after had married Susan she encoura ged
me to marry Huldah Sapph;ra."
Encouraged you to tnko third wife:
You surprise mel'
Yes. she did. Bless your heart, she
had to do it in self defense. Susan was
a littls fighty and not veryl even
tempered, but Susan's mother was q ter
ror. So thers was no help for it, Susa1's
mothers nose was TO be put out of joint.
Il was no trouble to fia1 a wife, and Hull
dah SLphira was a graceful little blonde
prstty as peach, aEi best Of ali, AeS'
mother was in c,nsunption"
"Did she die?"
"Bless your soul. no. She got well,
confound her. but she did one good thing.
She made life a burden to Susan's parent
and protected Hannah's mother"
ibid Snsan's mother die?"
'God bless your life, no. She has had
every thing from soft corns to ep,leptic
fits. and has been threatened with a tu-
NOR, but she sticks IL out in Great shape"
"Tell me about your other wives"
"Oh. 1t is too long story. / got rich
AMI 6 It into habit of marrying. It's
just like your Colorado habit OF drinkine
whisky. 1t or ,ws Oh ona After the first
four or five wives one gets so stirred up
on the subject that you keep on sealing
TIL you don't kaJw when to stor. In the
course OF natur5 twins must cpme bat
woe to that wife in NJ ,rmo1 FANNY by
whom twins coms fhs 9th RS uil Iicx
on her, but bless your henrt every wo nan
can't have twi is. 1hsn tn. res pianos ]
bought pianI r Huldah, and sne was
good player. Tnen Susan's mot Ter de.
CARED that Su san must have one 10. SO
Susan got her piino, and every wi o that
marrisl ! aftsrw .rd h,lito I've y; ano.
Then thinS Of soothins s'rup and farnels.
WHAT is a man with 'hir v .seven homes
aud fifty abies going to d. WITH these
two items"
''It must be expens.ve?"
Il should say so. Then there are rat
ties and bonnets. Now az for lo,n ,ne.s
when married Mehitable Achsah Bath
sheba she was daisy. Pretty as q pict-
ure, clean. bright and fciever, and looked
well in anything. So bou hit her bon
net Then Mary Aun Elizabeth came
over to Mehitab:e's house one day and
Mehitable was dressing for church.
Why, sister Mehitable, where did you
get that love of bonnet? why. Arnold
bought it for me- Arnold did? Why,
the idea! am sure have always been
as good wife to him, Id TO think that I
and my six small children are actually in
need of strip d socks, and he buys you a
bonnetv'
"So.' continued Mr.. Underc II. II
fought Mary Ann b,nne', and Hu ali
bonnet, AMI Sophronia a bonnet, and
Judith bonnet. and evsn po1r II ,anab
asked me for bon let"
I'D you think of marry ng again?"
"Bless your virtuCus heart, no, should
say not-'
s'Are all your mothers i'm law iiving?"
Bless their dsar old false teeth, yes
Thirty in a l
ANY Of than deaf ami dumb?'
''No. and mona of their lungs are af.
fected."
"Do you favor the Edmunds law?"
"Now, don't let any body hear OF this,
my dear sir. What If my wives should
hear of it? Hav. pity on a p ,or. forlorn
Mormon. Yes" he adI,d, in a whisper,
II do believe in It, bat don't give it way,
and don't say that swore or drank wine
or toll you that ever had a mothsr.in-
law"
| shall you stay long in Dsnvcr?r
"Yes, as loag as possible. Do taxa some
wine with me- lam going to order an
other bottle. Yes. love Denver Come
and cali on ms as long as you lik,, but
d,n't introduce me to any ladies uliess
they are orphans and married and op-
pos d 20. both polygamy and divorce.
don't w1nt any more wives ani am pot
eligible ! wish ! was q bache.or.n
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