The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1885-05-14

And then. with manner nervous,
She added. For I'm very sure
That some one would observe US"
Boston Courier.
His nose was red as q dAnger-light
ne an nsIi hls eye eyes were s1nken and aim;
The tumbler up to the brim-
But the barkeeper drew the tumbler back,
AS he glanced the customer DER,
ana SAID, Ny friend you have made q mis-
We don't keep wholesale store"
Boston Courier.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
See her coming Now she places
Down the street, One small heel
Face so cunning, Squarely on
FORM 50 neat The orange peel;
Carriage graceful Sims lIpOn her
Figure straight, NeI-formed pate;
Lovely tassar Awkward VassaF
Graduate. GraduatA
See II lying Flying garments
some one Will Pretty foot,
Upon 1t stalk. Exquisite hose.
orange peeI Dude is mashed,
Is on the wait And sees his fate!
Graduate. Graduate
A coal-dealer suggests that a premi-
um be offered to the housekeeper who
can exhibit the largest pile Of ashes
collected during the winter and spring.
George Mcdonald, the novelist, is
editing q new edition of Shakespeare.
If there is any one thing that this world
wants more than another it is a new
edition of Shakespeare. - Philadelphia
Call
The young man who had just made
his first appearance on any STAGE
was telling his friends all about it.
''Did you receive any floral tributep'
was asked. NO." he replied, but
lodged all the eggsi'' There was tri-
umph in his tone.
The poor never realize their poverty
so intensely as when they are brought
by necessity to wear the dainty gar
ments concocted for them by fashion
able but kind-hearted young ladies at
the last meeting of the Dorcas Club
SomerUIELe Journal.
Two men in Texas hotel were talk
ing about taxes. (Which do You pre-
fer, direct or indirect taxesp" al don't
want any at all. That's the kind am
in favor of, and let me tell you there
are lots of people in this country who
think as do. "-HarJord COurGnt.
The London journals have not yet
decided whether it is Suakin, Suakim,
Souakin, or Souakim; but when Gen
eral Graham gets home he will be able
10 settle it. He has had considerable
of spell at that place. - Neso York
World.
Journalist to his wife-I feel very
bad this morning. don't see that it's
worth while to 60 to work, for my head
| aches so painfully that cannot think"
Wife-Don't try to think any to-day,
dear. Stay at home and work on your
book. "-Arkansat0 Traveller.
81 trust the current of my discourse
last Sunday was not sufficiently formid-
able to hopelessly inguf you," jocose-
| ly remarked a young Detroit clergy
man to lady member in his congrega-
ton the other evening. 30, no! 1t
was quite shallow enough for comfort
able wading, thank you'll
Mamma" said Freddy Popinjay,
'do sounds ever get drunkP" what
a silly question. replied his mother.
well, don't care, anyway" cried
Freddy. Il heard our minister say the
other day that the sound was 'dissi-
| pated in the air, and if dissipated don t
mean drunk, I'd like to know what it
does mean. ''-BUrEtngtors Free Press.
Young man." said a revivalist
solemnly, do you feel that you are
prepared to answer the summons at
any moment? Do you realize that
when you go to bed at night you may
be called before the morning dawns?"
80, yes, sir. Pm night clerk in a
drug store, an all you've got to do is
keep on ringin' the bell until you hear
me holler. IN Y San.
Fenderson-Whatd do you think Of
my writings? Are they too satiricalF
Fogg-Satirical. you rogue? 1 never
saw your like. You're cutting every
body up. You're perfect vivisection-
| list. Henderson - You fatter me.
Fogg-Not a bit. You're vivisection-
ist. And the best of it is that the man
who reads your slashing articles does
not know that he is being cut up. They
act as an anasthetic, you know.-BoS-
ton Transcript.
A candidate for a city Office was
reading a morning paper which during
the previous year had been condemning
him furiously but had changed its tone.
He smiled as he read a pleasant para
graph, and remarked sneeringly to q
friend sitting near: ''Ha, the sheet is
becoming quite complimentary" as
itP" Eyes; it calls me a gentleman
now, but last year it called me thief,
a liar, and a scoundrel" 80, you
mustn't notice that; this is your of
year you know" Merchant TraveEer.
There used to be an old gentleman
who lived up in one of the parishes OF
this State who was noted for his ire
mendous department and punctuality.
Arriving in the city for the first time,
who was standing on the corner Of
Canal street. Fl wish, my young
friend" said he, taking out his watch,
''to go to the st. Charles hotel -
''WelI,' said the gilded youth, ''you
may go, but don't stay but half ar
hour. "-NeS0 Orleans Itnes-Den1ocrGt.
A gentleman signing himself Phil
anthropist' writes the Bulletin to In
quire '1if the electric light may moi
prove factor for reform. If the bus
} mess streets were nightly made as hght
as Franklin Square, do you think mer
who love to be respectable would tum
. BILE into the street at late hour to be
taken home by the police? Isn't thii
modern light an antagonist to deeds O
darkness and shameP" We give it up
When we don't know whether there i!
| dynamite or soothing strip back of al
inquiry we make it rule to let it alone
-NoriOtch (Ct.) Bulletin.
Some of our readers may remembel
the ancient definition ga noun is thu
name of thing, as horse. hair, jus
tice." In the Memoir of Adiel Sher
wood, D. d. recently published, tn,
+. story is told Of a young man who STUN
bled grievously at this point ''Wha
is noun then9'' he said; ''but first
must find out what is horse-hsir jus
tice." He meditated upon this for sew
eral days, until seeing his father seatet
T in his legal capacity as Justice of tn
Peace in the old horse-hair settee, b
, exclaimed, with delight: 81 hav
found it; my father is horse-hair jus
tice, and therefore a noun. CbtcGS
: Standard.
l Near Chickasawhatchee, Ga, says th
!, Savannah NesOs, a line of earthworl
can still be seen which were thrown u
e by Gen. Jackson (Old Hickory as
Z protection against the Indians on b
march to Florida through that sectio
;" in 1878.
There are about 1000 more female
than males in the city of Berlin. Thi
8 fact is all the more remarkable as theI
is a garrison of soldiers in the cit
which numbers 1000 men.
Ell The Grand Army Post Of South Al
! ington, Mass, intends giving q nov
: entertainment-e pie party, reall.
= Each lady is to contribute a pie, Il
8 pastry of which shall bear her nam
r The pies are to be wrapped in pap
y and sold to the highest bidders, WI
1 ara than aNToctad IN do escort dUtY II