The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-08-27
nUnoR.

EVEN heavy-built man can be light
hearted. BARRIERS Gazette.
WHEN the devil pays his debts does
he sheol out?-L0stisUiIie Courier
Journal.
The mosquito always files his bill
before he puts in his claim. --Nesc York
Journal
STRANGE to say, lacquer work keeps
many people busy in japan. Boston
Bulletin.
APPLES are the youth. new cider the
middle age, and vinegar the old age of
humanity Whitehall Times.
"PApA, why do the little pigs get SO
much milk 2" Because we want them
to make hogs of themselves. '-Bea-
con.
That was very conscientious humor-
ist who broke off an engagement be-
cause his girl had chestnut hair.-The
Ratchet
"THE first gray hair!" All, yes;
what emotions the sight of it stirs up
especially when you happen to find
it In the gravy.
THEY'VE changed the word little.
And Sheol's now the name.
But II you lead wicked life.
You'll catch It just the same.
Merchant Traveller.
THEY say the hustle Is to be very
pronounced again. Only now Jon
must pronounce it "tournure. oil
City Derrick.
The Italians believe that maternity
robs woman of her voice. This is
barren consolation to q man without
children. We long, oh, we long for an
heir.-St Paul Herald.
The Chinese have a proverb that
every man who rules himself is king.
Royal blood is not scarce in this coun-
try if every woman who rules her hus-
band is q queen. Chicago Ledger.
"ONLY one man in one thousand can
whistle" say writer. 1t is different
with boys. About one thousand boys
in hundred can whistle. And the
worst of it is, they don't conceal the
fact from the public. Norristotca
Herald.
"YoU are the only one love-" said .
young girl to her lover. Sorry to
hear it" he replied. why ?" Moth
ing, only 1 would rather at the present
time take my chances on q divorce than
a breach of promise case. Carl Pref
zePs Weekly.
WHAT are little boys made of, NAM
map" asked Brooklyn toddler. dust,
my child" dust, mammal "Yes,
darling" well, guess that's what
makes 'em like to muss in the ash bar
rels so much. Amt it, mamma ?"-NeiU
York Journal.
In Scotland the violin is regarded by
many people as the devils instrument
No religious family will have a violin
country at the present time, it seems
to us. is little of the kind of religion
they have in Scotland. Coat-
rier.
THIRTEEN MILLIONS is what we pay
annually for Postmasters and their
clerks. With what eager pride and ex-
ultation must these figures be read by
the hundreds who preside over the des-
TIMES of village postoffices at princly
salary of $3.50 per annum--Terds
Strings.
A BosToN surgeon successfully am-
putated the liberated tail of Bengal
tigress. When asked where he got the
skill and nerve necessary to perform SO
dangerous an operation, he said, "Oh,
this is nothingl 1 used to extract
teeth for my mother-in-law p-Netc-
man Independent.
"YoU don't drink?" "No, SIR "Not
even beer?" ~No, sir; 1 never drink
a drop of anything that can intoxi-
- l.
you know what I'd do if WIS in your
fxT mo. What?" I'D get my nose
enameled to prevent people from vast
ing politeness on me?"-Chicdgo
Ledger.
THE FUNNY MAN
Over Joke that was crippled and worn
The Funny Man leaned, with q look forlorn.
His garments were shabby, and soiled, aud
And bald I was his head whore he often scratched
As he tried to evolve a chunk OF wit.
OR verse or jest thai would make a. hit:
And he slowly said. asIhe glanced about:
Its q chestnut old. but Ill grind IL o,itl'
"A column of jokes is my daily task,
And WHO is the author never ask:
For source or credit care not at all
/ call them my own. though it takes some
And I twist Thorn around. and change the
names,
And resort to score Of little games.
Till my qualms Of conscience are put TO rout.
AS day after day grind the jokes out
The Funny Man paused, his pencil to whet
When the boss yelled in: Amt they ready
YETI
And the +. M. turned, with a mocking grin.
While cod wind blew through his whiskers
thin,
And these were the words he in turn did shout:
I'm grinding them outl I'm grinding them
outi-
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
-
Patience a Virtue.