The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-05-03
VARIETIES.

What a man wants-All be can get. What
WOMAN wants-All she can't get.
The wheat crop of India is estim ated to be
ine with prospect of a full harvest.
1t only lsts 81 to dress family in Porto
Rico Tor whole year. 1t Is expended mostly
in hats.
A woman never really feels that she has
too many thumb nails until she is lacking
down q carpet
"Only match box" remarked Fogg at
The theatre the other night, referring to the
SEATS where the young lovers sat.
New Jersey woman broke her hush and
OF the habit of usiog naughty words by
sen'ly murmuring Chestnut every Ii ne he
sxore.
A clergyman in Paris, Ky, stopped his
prayer to lead an unruly boy cut by the ear,
and then went on: AS l was going;on TO
say, Oh, Lord"
Doctors are more numerous in Vienna
than IN any other city in Europe. There
are ten times rs many in proportion to the
population as in London.
A man dined at q Kansas City restaurant
yesterday, and, after finishing mis- dessert,
deliberately shot himself. There are some
things too humiliating for human endur-
aIce.
What Is a ship without q sailg
Ad1eu my love, adieu.
What Is monkey without q TALL
dude, my love. dude
Fast oregonian.
A Chicago woman scar ID burglar away
by pointing hair brush at him. Sons men
who have been boys can never look at hair
brush or slipper in the hands of q woman
without wanting to run.
Chicago has o good many Sins to answer
for, but the gentleman who snatched con.
tEibution box from the kind deacon who was
passing 1t around for another purpose is
disgrace even to Chicago.
In Patagonia they fine a man two goats for
killing his wife. The law is very strict on
the subject, too, and if the fhe isn't promptly
paid be is ompelled to marry again. Thst
makes him hustle around for the goat.
"It's criminal to kiss"
Said the beautiful miss,
And the youth. with efrontery sublime,
Kissed the maid and said, There.
IL I'm-hanged declare
II Will be Tor y capital crime"
Boston Courier,
A certain distinguished Cincinnatian says
the proper way to kiss girl is to plant it in
the middle of her hand aud shut her fingers
down on it for safe keeping. 1t may not be
as sweet as the real yum-yum variety, bat it
certainly takes the palm over all the ordin-
aIy brands.
A writer says that Europeans in India
rarely suffer from snakes, the boots protect
in e their feet, which is the part OF the body
most frequently struck by serpants" In
this country the boots would have to come
up ever the mouth in order to afford pro-
lection against 'snakes."-Norristown Her.
aid.
An Illinois law student was caught in the
| acs oil vigorously arguing an imaginary case
before saw horse and twelve sticks of cord
| w cd the latter representing the juro-s and
| the former the judge. He "allow we'd" that
he never appealed 10 a more intelligent Jury,
nor ever argued before q more impartial
| judge.
| Since the downfall OF the last French u
| piTe, n. Brisson's is the twenty second min
isby which hes endeavored to conduct affairs
| In ii at countrv- Mr.. Cleveland is our TWEEN.
| ty second President so that the Frenca Re
| public has bad in fourteen and half years
| the came number of administrations that the
| United States has had in i09 years.
Some people are born cheeky some achieve
| cheek and some have cheek thrust upoa
them. but when Ii comes to a whole face 1t is
| found in the fellow who will let his girl 60
| to he Ioller-rink alone, pay her own admis-
sion and the rental for skates. and half
| hour later he comes up, skates all the even
| ing with her and then taxes her home and
wants her TO Kiss him at the gate.
First Tousoral Artist THAT man, Presi
der Cleveland, will make good many
mistakes. oullsee now" Second Tonsoriel
Artist-"Tbey say he's got plenty OF. horse
sense, and that's q good thing to have"
That's all right. but what good does that do
q N an ~bo don't know what's going on in
the world? He can't keep posted. He's got
no one to- tell him all that happens every.
where" "And WHY amt he?" He shaves
himself"