Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1885-07-01
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT'


He WAS Q married man, blessed with |
an extremely Jealous wife. One evening |
he seized . chance opportunity to escort
. charming miss ofsweet sixteen, whoseI
blue eyes and dark, dropping lashes ex-
ercised Q glamour over every man who
happened TO come within the range Of
their charm. Al last her home was
reached, and as they paused at the gate
the maiden turned her lovely orbs upon
him and said Z" I'm 20 grateful for |
your kindness - Don't mention II,
/ beg Of you |" he CALCULATED calamity.
Very likely the sophisticated maiden
misund erstood the motives OF his re-
mark, for she quickly answered, in q
re assuring tone Oh, / certainly
won't as long as live, If you don't
wish me to-"
A fashionable young man OF beauti-
full village, who Is of o very economical
turn, has the habit, when he sends a
note to his girl. Of adding this post
script "Give the boy biscuit for
carrying the NOTE" Recently the young
lady promptly sent the young man
quite number OF biscuits, informing
him that he could henoeforth prepay
postage, and when the ra.ions were
exhausted, 10 draw on her for more. A
cold wave now blows between that
ysund lady and her collect on-delivery
young man.
Two ladies, during q friendly meet
ing in the street, got to quarreling
about their age, and used very strong
language toward each other. At last,
a. II 70 end the dispute, one Of them
turned away and said In very concila.
tory tone of voice: /" Let Us not quarrel
any moro. I, at least, have not the
heart to do is. never know who my
mother was she deserted me when Q
baby, and who knows but that you may
have been that heartless parent 2"
An old lady in the county had o
dandy from town TO dine with her on .
certain occasion, and on the table there
was An enormous apple pie. Good
ness madam" said the gentleman,
" how do you manage to make such q
pie 2" Easily enough" was the old
iady's reply; tive make the crust up
in a wheelbarrow, wheel 1t under an
apple tree, and then shake the fruit
down into it."
Tramp: "Please give me something
to eat. I've not had warm mouth
full OF solid food for week" Here,
my good man, Is "a plate Of nice hot
soup for you," replied the cook. Ho,
soup - he howied. Haven't you
got anything else =? This makes tht
fifth plate of hot soup I've had in the
last hour. 1t Is not healthy to put &c
much soup into an empty stomach"
What are the elegancies of speech p
Did not some high words pass be
: tween them before the first blow va
struck ?" asked lawyer In an Austin
, court of . oolored witness. Higl
words No. indeed, sab Dey uset
de lowest kind Of talk. l could under
stand cherry word dat passed between
EN- puffectly. Dey talked right plai'
to one Anuder."
IT. was long after midnight, and tn
minutes we're clicking by like hours
"I love graceful elm tree" she re
I marked. How / wish were an eln
D trse I" he responded quickly.
. wish you were too" Why do You :?
he inquired, with q world Of devotio
in his voice. Because" she replied
trees leave once . year, At least"
81 A physician, walking with frient
said to him Let US avoid that prett
little woman you see there on the lef
she knows inp, md casts on me looks
! Indignation. / attended her husband.
I" All understand. You had the mi
fortune to dispatch him." On Il
CONTRARY" replied the doctor, / save
Ihimr'
There WAS q court martial held on
lyoung officer who had gone on spr
and had q light in q tavern. The tavel
1 uI hatara tho
!, and put in the witness. The pris
q ner was placed In full view. WI
. ness, de you recognize the prisoner
Yes. your honor, and most of q
Q lcourt."
. Homo Charities. -"Madam," he b
Y gan, as he lifted his hat at the ffol
door, 1T am soliciting for homo chal
ties. We have hundreds Of poor, IA
ged, and vicious children like those |
your gate, and our objects is" Isl
those are my own children" she int
rupted, and the front door was violen
ly slammed.
paddy, what's your belief" said
gentleman to an Irish guide, anxio
to discover what his religion wa
"Shure, yer honor, I'm Of my landlady
belief" whats that, Pat?" he |
\. quired. "Why, then, owe her Il
lie half years rent, and she believes thu
70 III never pay her, and that's my belle
Go too
n Young Wife: am determined
te learn at what hosr my husband CON
home at night, yet, do what l will,
" cannot keep awake, and he La alwa
careful not to make particle Of moi
r. Is there any drug which produces wal
- fulness?" Old wife: " No need to b.
o drugs. Sprinkle The floor with tacks.
y "Hallo, Charlie! How are you g.
$. ting on" "Oh, very nicely 4
" travelling How,. you know" A
your" Z" Yes, i'm an advance agent
Well, what do you do?" Oh,
!. 20 to a town, and when I can get
n hotel keeper to advance me lit
oo money, go to another"
oo Waiter (to cook :" sorge, the gel
90 at No. 3 says as 'is potatoes amt good
"a says az they've all got black ey
OF on en-" George (real name Patrick
W "Bedad, then, it's no fault O. min
0o The soalpeens must have been foighti
! !" y after put them into the pot.
90 Jack, thought you said tina. t
$50 pretty. fair.haired woman we "a
80 walking with Smith was his wife
90 " So she is." "Oh, pshaWl You mu
'oo be mistaken. Why, ! saw him at t
ZOO museum last night pick up her fan "a
be emile and bow as he banded 1t to her
II Are you tirei?" asked young la
~. of her escort, as he suddenly sat do'
81 on the floor of the roller skating rim
lgs "No-o-no," he stammered; b b but
'ss tn think th-th. the Wv wheels of tn i
o. these skates are IT, too er-er-round,
d don't cher-know,"
An old German merchant was
formed that lady had called to