Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1885-01-02
A Powerful Speech.

l once knew man who was nomi.
mated by his fellow citizens for a GER
tain Office and finally elected without
having expended cent for that pur.
pose. He was very eccentric, but he
made good officer. When he heard
that he was nominated, he went up, as
said, into the mountains to do some
assessment work on a couple Of his
claims.
He got lost and didn't get his bear.
ings until day or two after election.
Then he came into town hungry,
greasy, and ragged. but unpledged.
He found that he was elected, and
in answ er to telegram started off fo1
Frisco to see dying relative. He
did not get back until January. Then
he filed his bond and sailed into the
Office. He fired severel sedentary
deputies who had been in the place
twenty years just because they were
good workers" That is, they were
good workers at the polls. They saw.
ed all their energies for the campaign
and so they only had vitality enough
left to draw their salaries during the
balance OF the two years.
Tins man raised the county scrip
from sixty to nlne:y-fve in less than
TWO years, and still they busted him in
the next convention. He was too &C.
centric. One of the delegates asked
what in'Sam Hill would become of the
country if every candidate would skin
out during the campaign and rusti-
cate in the mountains while the battle
was being fought.
Says he: II am a delegate from the
precinct of Rawhide Butter, and l CAL
klate to know what l am talking
about. .
Gentlemen of the convention, lust
suppose that everybody from the Presi-
dent of the United States, down, was
to git the nomination and then light
out like house afire and never came
back It'll II was time to file his bond j:
what's gong to become of us common
drunkards to whom election is an oasis
in the bad lands an orange grove in the
alkall fats2
"Mr. Chairman, there's millions of
dollars In this broad land waiting for
the high tide of election day to come
and float 'em down to where you and
l, Mr.. Chairman, as we'll as other
parched and patriotic inebriates. can
git ahold of 'em.
Gentlemen, we talk about string.
ency and shrinkage of values, and all
such funny business as that; but that's
something don't know a blamed
thing about. What can grapple with
is this: If our county offices are worth
10000, and there are otherl little claos
and soft snaps. and walks overs,
worth, say $40, and the boys, say,
are willing to do the fair thing, say,
blow in fifteen per cent. to the central
committee, and what they feel like on
the outside. then politics, instead OF a
burden and a reproach, becomes a
pleasing duty, joyous occasion, and
a picnic to those whose lives might
otherwise be dreary monotone.
"Mr. Chairman, tile past two years
has wrecked four campaign saloons,
and timer who socked his wife's for.
tune into campaign torches. is now in
a land where torchlights is no good.
Overcome by dull market, fnan.
cial depression and a reserved central
committee, he ate a package of
Rough on Rats, and passed up the |
tiume. He is now at rest over yon-t
der.
"Such instances would be common
If we encouraged the eccentric econo-
my of official cranks. 1t is an evil
that is gnawing at the vitals of the re.
public. We must squench it or get