davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
He Had, the Horse Down.
Arkansaw Traveller.

Look out, won't yer?" exclaimed
an old negro, addressing his horse.
''Mine who yer's slobberin' on. I allus
noticed that when er pusson slobbers
on yer, he amt gwine ter stop at dat,
bat is gwIne furder." Just then the
horse kicked the old negro, sending
him spra wiling on the ground. Oar,
didn' tell yer som he exclaimed,
scrambling to his feet and shaking his
fist. ''Ketch me in er lie, will yer
han? Eber heah me tell er lie? No
yer didn', but neber mine. Time [
add down dem oats yer won't feel like
han'lin dem hoofs SO mighty free.
Hoss got into de habit o. Kickiu' me
onct an KEEP on er addin' down his
oats. He wuz er mighty big headed
hoss, SO ne KEEP On er kickin' an [ KEEP
on er addin' down his oats. Now
whar IS he? L2yin' out yander in the
bone yard. Yerse'f be out dar et yer
doan mine. Whoa, heah now. an
lemme git on yer"
Just as he seated himself on the
horses back, the animal kicked up
and threw him off with a jar that
made the whites of his eyes twinkle.
',Uh," he grunted, arising with
difficulty. Keep on an git in de
habit O dis thing. Split er pusson
open ergin de face O. de Lawd
ernighty's yea'th an den speck ter be
treated like one o. de fambly. Keep
on, I tells yer, but dis ebenin' when
yer poke dat naouf O. youra in de
trough yer wont fine no oats dar. Den
yer'u heah er loud laugh. Den yer'll
look up an see me settin' on de rack
pole. On, Use got yer down"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04

The pretty checked and striped silks
make very cool and stylish suits for
summer. There are very pretty chine
silks that are adapted to the same pur-
pose. Chine silk come in white and
all delicate tints, both plain and en-
bfoldered, and make most lovely
dresses. Embroidered pongees have
the patterns done in red. blue or brown
on the natural color.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
Wished He Was a Cow.
Pretzel'S Weekly.

"Why do fill yourself so full of
whisky?'' said Johnnie Mailer to an
acquaintance who was taking his
fourth drink inside of five minutes
IAN animal would not do that"
'Wuz zer mazzer wiz a hog?" re
piled the inebriated individual.
We'll, F" said John, Il don't wish to
call you hog, but 7 do wish you were
a COW SO far as drinking is concern
ed"
ga how IL that?n
well, a cow is satisfied with two
horns, but YOU are not
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
Willing to Take the Risk.
New York Times.

Il w-want two g-grains of q-quinine
and four o>ounces of w-whisky," ="
shiYered man with malaria 10 the
drug clerk, an I'll take it n-now."
Isn't that rather small doseg'
suggested the clerk. You seem to
have got it bad"
Il don't know but what it is. Make
it e-eight ounces of w-whisky, an I'll
run the ris k.n
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
4 Chinese Joke.

Texas Siftings.
I want my shirts"
You gotee tlickee?"
No, I've lost the ticket"
mo tlickee. no shirtee."
you hand over them shirts"
"You Flenchman?
mo, am no Frenchman.
You go getee Flenchman, then
glyee shlrtee. Chineeman belly faid
FlBnchman. I Flenchman want heap
fghtee. Flenchman blad man"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04

A prohibition state convention viii
be held at Springfield, Ohio, July
and 2. A full state ticket will be Nc
mated.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04

In the for ward end of street-car
two girls were discussing young
man. The victim appears to be of
that variety of young man some
times called a high roller" The
girl who seemed the least acquainted
with him asked the other: "What
sort of fellow is he2" "Well, Ill tell
you," was the reply; "he's just the
kind of a fellow who, if he had roller
skates, would be sure to have skate
case.n
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-06-04
Hairy and Otherwise.

The Romans never adopted long
hair, considering it effeminate.
Mr.. Cleveland is the first President
who mas ever worn only mustache
Kings and mobiles among the
Franks were distinguished by long
hair.
Lord Justice Knight Bruce refused
to hear barrister because he wore a
beard.
It is said that Cynosius, the tyrant,
singed his beard off with hot walnut
shells.
Archbishop Tate forbade one of the
clergy to officiate because he wore a
mustache.
False hair was worn ages ago. 1T
was preached against by the fathers
of the church, but to no purpose.
Red hair, in general was an AYERS
sion to the ancients, a mark of repro
baton, even before the time of Judas.
Black hair was rot highly esteemed
Dy the ancients, the possessor of ii
being thought jealous and quarrel
some.
Red hair became popular under
the reign of Queen Elizabeth, and
has continued more or less so ever
since.
Mr. Henpeck's Muscular Exercise.
Newman Independent.
Now, my DEAR" said Mrs. Hen
peck, W no was reading a magazine,
what do you think of this9"
What do think of what?" growIed
Mr.. Henpeck.
MY magazine says that ten single
men die of cholera to one married
man. Now, what do you think of
that, Mr.. Growler?"
"Oh, that's because married men
take SO much more exercise than sin
gle men,"
'What exercise do you take. Mr..
Henpeck, that a single man doesn't
take, I'd like to knoW?"
Carrying a colicky baby four hours
every night"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
WHY they Blushed.

In one of New YOrk's largest oil
houses is employed Il boy some.
what under size, whose duties are
to keep the Office clean and make
himself useful. One day the Sc
nior member OF the firm happened
to chaif the little fellow about be.
ing so small, and said to him:
you will never amount to much
you are too SMALL
The little fellow looked up from
the work he was doing and said:
Small as | am | can do some
thing that no one else about this
here place can do
'Oh, what is that 2 asked the
senior member,
'I don't know as / ought to tell
you,' lie replied.
But the employer being anxious
TO know urged him to toll what he
could do, that no ono else abont
the place was able 10 DO.
Il can keep from swearing, said
the little fellow.
There was a blush on more than
one face present, and no anxiety
for further information from the
very small boy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
Announcing Engagene nts.

When a couple are engaged there
is seldom any sensible reason why
all the world should not know it,,
and, therefore, the new fashion OF
announcing engagements Just be-
fore a prominent ball and having
the ladies and gentlemen cOngrat-
ulated by their friends is to be COM
mended. To be sure, if tho engage
ment is afterward broken, the
thought of these public congratu-
latiOns would he embarrassing; but
if the fashion tends to prevent
promises of marriages being lightly
given it will serve good purposes.
The girl who might say yes when
asked to marry, with the mental
reservation that if anything better
comes along she will contriye not
to keep her word, will think twice
about it if she has to 90 through
such form. Marriage engage
ments are frequently too lightly
entered into and too lightly set
aside. The engagement should be
nearly as sacred contract as the
marriage itself, and it should be
such an engagement that both par
ties would he proud to have it
known among all their common ac
ouaintances.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
SHENANDOAH HERALD
ADVERTISING RATES.
THE STORY or A BLSRFUL BEAU.

Talking about Maine, Continued
az old friend to newspaper man,
that reminds me Of something that
happened down our way when L
lived there-when / was boy. 1t
was in country town. A young
fellow VERY bashfuD was out riding
with his girl one afternoon, when
he saw an old farmer coming down
the road in his hay rigging. On
tie seat beside him was a little cuT.
"'l'm going to have some fun,
Sal, said the young swain, hauling
up beside the old farmer. The
farmer drew up, and the young fel.
low bawled out, nudging Sally.
"Say, stranger, Pm powerfully
struck with that there dogof yourn,
and I'd like to buy him.
"Well, responded the farmer, IL
think an all fired heap Of that dorg
myself, and | amt particular about
a sellin' of him.
Z" Well, j allow / want him pow.
erful bad, and / don't mind givln'
five dollars for him.
The farmer saw he was being
guyed, so he said :
'You pear to be a likely young
cuss and you've got gol-darned
hanson gal in there with you.
I'll tell you what I'll do: you throw
your arms aroun' that ere gal and
give her a good smack, and don't
mind givin' yer the dorg'
"That was enough for the BASH
ful young man; he whipped up his
horses and went on. They rode
along in silence for an hour or more,
Sal in her corner and Bill in his.
Then Sal sort of edged up to Bills
side, turned scarlet, and looking
coyly up in his eyes, said:
"Say, Bill, it pears to me that
you didn't want that dorg powerful
bad, did your
That settled it it broke the ice,
and one of their grandchildren is
going to school here now.-N. Y.
Telegram.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
STRANGER TO ROMANCE.
A Chap who Wants Texes Placed on
Kisses, Courtship, and Ladies who
Paint.


Kisses, Courtship, and Ladies who
Paint.
= CORY, PENN, October H.
Joseph Snyder, of Baltimore, pub
fishes small monthly newspaper.
In it's editorial columns he presents
to his readers, under the heading Of
'Our New Tax Bill the following:
For kissing a pretty girl, 81.
For kissing very homeIy girl.
80. the extra amount being added
for the mans folly.
For every Irritation, 10 ents.
For ladies' kissing one another,
81. The tax is placed at this rate
in order to break up the practice
altogether.
For every young man who has
more than one girl, cents.
For counting in the kitchen, 50.
For courting in the parlor, 81.
For cOurtlng IN romantic place,
50, and so cents for every offence
thereafter.
For seeing a lady home from
church, 20 cents.
For seeing lady home from Il
temperance society or other meet
ing, ) cents.
For ladies who paint, so cents.
For wearing a low.necked dress,
81.
For each curl on II lady's head
above ten, cents.
For any unfair device for en-
trapping young men into matri-
mony, So.
Old bachelors, over thirty, are
to be taxed $40 and sentenced to
banishment to Utah.
Each boy baby, so cents.
Each girl baby, 10 cents.
Every pretty lady to be taxed
from 25 cents, she to fix the esti-
mate of her own beauty. 1t is
thought a very large amount WILDE
realised from this provision.
Families having more than eight
babies are not be taxed; and tor
twins a premium of $40 vii be paid
of the funds accruing from the tax
on old bachelors.
Each Sunday loafer on the street
corners or about church doors is to
be taxed his value, which is abont
two cents.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
THE LIGHT- HOUSE KEEPER.

Mr.. George d. Rea, in the children
Record, gives voice to the hght'h mousse III
the following verses;
"On a sunken rock in the open sea
Stood lighthouse high and strong
And the lamp was there with its splendid
fame,
And the keeper all night long.
" But the keeper had naught of pity or
love;
A hard selfish man was he
He shaded the lamp and sent out no light
Der the dark and perilous sea.
" Safe in comfort himself the mighty shiI s
Might strike or 20 safely by,
LET them strike or go down, who cares ?
said he;
Men have only once TO die.
One dismal night by strong wind drlv-
en-,
Came a ship with all sails spread
No one thought Of danger, for no one knew
of the sunken rock ahead.
East sweeping along came the s"il-eiad
ship,
The white foam leaped from her prow'
ANS welle cried the wstchman pacing
the deck
AIS well passed from stern to bow
Il
" But scarce died away had the watch
mans cry,
When crash plunged the ship to her
fate;
And there was that beacon that would
have saved,
But twas seen, alas too late.
" Oh. fearful cries of the drowning men
From the seething waves that night
And they cursed as they sank, the merci
less man
Who refused his saving light.
" The men of the ship are the heather
world
The beacon the book Of God
The keeper, the christian who shades Dis
lamp
And sheds not its light abroad"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
Outcast London,

Much excitement has been made
by reports recently published on
the vile condition of the slums
of London. In one cellar was found
a family consisting OF a man sick
with smallpox, his dying wife,
three half naked and dirty children,
and one pig. In some parts there
is one gin.mill to every bundled
persons. What defilement! Yet
corresponding impurities often de-
file the human blood. They can be
cast out by Browns Iron Bitters,
the great strengthener and purifier.
Mr.. b. }. Stranger, OF Starke Lake,
Florida, says, 'Rrowl'a Iron Bit.
ters is tho best blood purifier 1 ever
tried. 1t gives all the satisfaction
q man can want
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
NOveIet i'm Four Chapters

-
cHAprKRI. A second aisle,
4 second toueh An angels smile,
OF hands-nOt much A marriage
But listen; A vow for life,
A maiden sighs, A happy wiie'
And see her eyes, A carriage
They glisten
CHAPTER III.
A thrilling dance, A mothers tears
A killing glance. A fathers sneers
A capture; "Forget her"
A snowy glove, ApOstman,' knock
The pledge of love A dreadful shoeki
rapture, A letter.
A twilight shade, A new-iound SOD
Where plans are made; Two parents Won
Deligbtfull A dover
A fond embrace; A little cad
A prying faco- Their nephe"-S@O
How spitefuli And sour.
A swift goodbye. cHAPTER w.
stifled sigh: A baby-boy,
Conjecture. Mas precious Jo!
A mothers room, Is sleeping;
A daughters gloom; A little glri'
A lecture. Pas precious pearl
Is peepirg.
CHAPTER H.
A hurried fight, A happy par
A darksome night Upon one chair
That covers: Conversing;
A heartfelt prayer, While grandpapa
Breathed by a pair And grandmama
OF lovers. Are nursing
-Chamber's Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
An OId.Time Lullaby.

Up by the stairs they merrily climb
Three little white gowns at sleepy-time'
Big brother Benny and baby Grace,
And funny wee-boy with the happy face
And mamma sings as they mount the STAIR
These cranky words to queer old ar
go to bed sleepy-head,
And sleep for money to buy COW "
Said Benny, "Such humbug never heard
And don't believe it a single word.
II slept all night, and sleep all day.
Do you think I'd be any richer, sayi"
The wee.boy nodded his curly head.
Mamma, sing it aden " the baby SAID
"Go TO bed sleepy-head,
And sleep for money to buy cow"
Said Benny, "who made such silly song !
1t tells story; it must be wrong"
at can't tell, Benny, only know,
II was sung to me long years ago,
By your auld Scotch granny, sweet ana
dear,
When was as small as baby here.
So 20 to bed sleepy-head,
And sleep for money to buy cow"
IF grandma said it, it must be true;
But don't believe it, now say, do you
And tell me, mamma, I'd like to know
When she sent you to bed, did you always
gop
ayes, always went, as you must now"
Said the funny wee-boy, "Then where
your cow?7
ooh, 20 to bed sleepy-head,
The COW jumped over the moon, they
said"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
Wonderful Cures.

w. d. Hoyt & Co., Wholesale
and Retail Druggistsof Rome, Ga,
say; We have been selling DR.,
Kings New Discovery, Electric
Bitters and Buckleh's Arnica Salve
for two years. Have never han
died remedies that sell as well, OF
give Suoh universal satisfaction,
There have been some wonderful
curea effected by these medicines
in this city. Several cases of pro
nounced Consumption have beer
entirely CURED by use of a few bot
ties of DIR. Kings New Discovery
taken in connection with Electric
Bitters. We guarantee them al
ways. Sold by b. Schmitt.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
The Farmers Song
BY ANNIE WALL

I'm up with the lark in the morning
And out in the dew-sprinsled grass
Enjoying the pure, airy freshness
And bealth-laden breeEes that pass.
| watch the east glowing and frightening
The sun shows himself in the sky
And hear the birds singing and chirping
In the wild plum thickets close by.
see the corn waving and nOdding,
As though it would welcome the light
When the bright blue arch Of the heavens
Throws of the dark curtains of night.
| list to the voices Of morning,
And pleasant to me is the call
Of the win Is, the brook and the wild birds
And peae fo,,a her wings over all.
I feel my who.- lsture expanding,
Nv heart brimming over with praise,
For the peaceful delights Of the country
And heart-rest find in its ways.
For sweet are the voices Of nature,
whispering through woodland and field
And feel there is mach Of divineness
In pure country places revealed.
Some sigh for the charms Of the city,
It's hurry and 'wildering glare,
Rnt give me the charms Of the country,
There's life in its sunsbine and air.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
DR. B. F. MAPHIS & BRO.
- Dentists.-

orycrs: Woodstock and saumsyille' virginia
In woodstock, ist and 50 weeks OF each month";
ii, ssumsvilie I'd and 4th seeks. -.....-
se-e An need Of nrst class Dentistry a. moder-
.te pricea will do vel 70 call -.,- m
IN set. of Artincial teeth from 500 70 tlIOO'
al. .OO and 5000. 49, .,ooo suv.r
aliings from 75e. 70 $500. a.. 49,, o.,a.,a
Artinciz teeth put up on soha goa, oola 80
s.isloid CombiuAtion, Celeloid and Rubber plates;
0old and Porcelain rivoting' clasps 49, epo.'-.
.,tsntion gwen TO hilipg and preserving tho h@-
s.,-.I tseth, and correcting the Irregularities
All work warranted first class. A..
- Tee,h extracted absolutely without pain Dy
he use Of Nitrous oxide Gas
Marchis.-tL
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

AN EXCELLENT HINT.-The way
to keep money is to earn it fairly
and honestly. Money so obtained
is pretty certain to abide by its
possessOr. But money that is in
herited, or that in any way comes
without a fair and just equivalent,
is almost as certain to go as it came.
The young man who begins by saw
ing a few shillings, and thrifty in
ere ases his stOre-every coin being
the representative of good, solid
work, honestly and manfully done
stands a better chance to spend
the last half of life in afiluence than
he who, in his haste to become rich,
obtains money by dashing specnla'
tions, or the devious means which
abound in the foggy region lying
between fair dealing and actual
fraud. Amongst the wisest and
most thrifty men of wealth, the
concurrent proverb is Money goes
az money comes.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
An Enterprising, Reliable
House.

Mr.. B. Schmitt can always be
relied upon, not only to carry il
stock the best of everything, but
to secure the Agency tor such ar
ticles as have well-known merit,
and are popular with the people
thereby sustaining the reputation
of being always enterprising, and
ever reliable. Having secured the
Agency for the celebrated DR.
Kings New Discovery for Consump
ton, will sell it on positive guar
antee. 1t will surely cure any and
every affection Of Throat, Lungs
and Chest, and to show our conf
dence, we invite on to cal and gel
q Trial Bottle Free.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
a BIaideD's Lament )

"Mother.D she said with heart that beat
Loud as her tones of woe,
''To you the secret III repeat
This cold world cannot know.
Law thy hand on my throbbing brow
Nay, shrink not from the theme
Oscar has come for two weeks now,
And ueyer said "ice creamw
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

'Ebcnezer,' said Farmer Furrow
TO his SON. Il am informed by
Deacon DewgoOd that he found a
dime with hole in it in the col
lection box on Sunday. Do you
know anything about isP
Iou bet do, dad. l put it
there. wouldn't tell a lie for 10
cents
But | gave you a good dime
why did you put that holey one inr
Cause | thought the heather
that got it would stick it on a
string and wear it around his neck
TO remember me by
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

|, Though numerous pauses may op-
crate to turn the hair gray, all that
Is needed TO restore the natural col
or isHalPs Vegetable Slcilian Hair
! Renewer. For more than twenty
wears its sales have been enormous,
but we have yet to learn of its first
failure.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

'Does your husband go to the
lodge, Mrs. Gibberick
well, he just don't. broke up
that little game quite a while ago!
'Why, how in the world did you
do itT
whenever he started for the
lodge | went with him as far as the
skating rink, and told him to call
for me on his way home. 1t only
took a few doses to cure him.-Chi-
cago Ledger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

Little Kitty had been disobedien
and her mother had been telling
her that God could see every sly
and naughty act that she did. That
lady was very much amused few
minutes later to hear her little
daughter say as the pet dog follow
ed her, Go back to the house, e,Gyp,
it's bad enough to have the Lord
follerin me all ayound wlfout hay.
ing you as we'll
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

DO you ever have Q dreadful,
tired feeling come over you 2 asked
patent medicine manufacturer o.
friend who complained of not feel
ing well,
'Qh yes, often,' replied the friend
you should try a bottle of ny
oure.all. How often do you expe
rience this tired feelingG
Every time 1 see your adyer
tisement on the fences 80
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

Blow cayenne pepper ipte cracks
where ants congFegate. Ants don't
like it, Mice will also feel insulted
and turn their tails upon haunts
which have been red peppered.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23
JSo. L. KELLER

DR. 7. +. LOCKE,
IL SURGEON DENTIST.
OFFICE: Main St., opp. the Court House.
WOODSTOCK, VIRGINIA.
Artificial teeth inserted in any manner
desired. Careful attention given TO NIL
ing and extracting. Parents should orlng
their children and have their teeth e1,
amined, and procure information that VIII
Sc of great value in after life.
All work guaranteed. Prices moderate
July 10. 's5.-ly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

Renew and retain your youthful
appearance by using Halls Vege-
table Sicilian Hair Renewer, the
best article of its kind,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

There is only one thing l regret
about my execution observed the
condemned murderer. what is
itr Hha suspense
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

my DEAR, said a father to his
daughter, 'how long ago was it
that George Jackson went west to
seek his fYrtuneP
'Just a year, the girl replied
with a blush.
'Was there anything between
you and George! | sometimes
thought that he was fond of you.'
'IIe was, papa and the girl hid
her face on the old mans shoulder.
Il promised George when he went
away that / would wait for years
if necessary
Il have a letter from him.
'Oh, papa ? she exclaimed. Does
me-er-has he-oh, tell me, what
does he sayP
He want $40 to get home with
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1885-10-23

returned to Mr. Brown, who quiet
" and satisfactorily consigned 1t
10 the flames.