Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-06-03

l like that. We haven't all had
the good fortune to be ladies we
haven't all been generals, or poets, or
statesmen; but when the toast works
down to babies we stand on common
ground, for we've all been babies.
It is a shame that for a thousand
years the worlds banquets have ut
terly ignored the baby-as if he didn't
amount to anything. If you gentle
men will stop and think a minute
if you will go back fifty or hum
dred years, to your early married
life, and recontemplate your first
baby, you will remember that he
amounted to good deal, and even
something over. You soldiers all
know that when that little fellow ar
rived at family headquarters you had
to hand in your resignation. He
took entire command. You became
his lackey, his mere body servant,
and you had to stand around too.
He was not commander who made
allowances for time, distance, weather
or anything else-you had to execute
his order whether it was possible or
not. And there was only one form
of marching in his manual of tactics,
and that was the double quick. He
treated you with every sort Of inso-
lonce and disrespect, and the bravest
Of you didn't dare to say a word.
You could face the death-storm at
Donelson and Vicksburg, and give
back blow for blow; but when he
clawed your whiskers and pulled
your hair and twisted your nose, you
had to take it. When the thunders
of war where in your ears, you set
your faces toward the batteries and
advanced with steady tread; but
when he turned on the terrors Of the
warwhoop, you advanced in the other
direction-and mighty glad of the
chance, too. When he called sooth-
ing sirup, did you venture to throw
out side remarks about certain SER
vices unbecoming an officer and a
gentleman? No-you got up and
got it. IF he ordered his pap-bottle,
and it wasn't warm, did you talk
backi Not you-you went to work
and warmed it. You even descended
so far in your menial Office as to take
a suck at that warm insipid stuff
yourself, to see if it was right, three
parts water to one of milk, touch
of sugar to modify the collie, and a
drop of peppermint to kill those i'm.
mortal hiccups, l can taste that stuff
yet. And how many things you
learned as you went along; sentimen
tai young folks still took stock in tina,
beautiful old saying that when the
baby smiles in his sleep, it is because
the angels are whispering to him
Very pretty, but "too thin" Simply
wind on the stomach, my friends! Ii
the baby proposed to take walk al
the usual hour-2:30 in the morning
didn't you rise up and remark
with mental addition which wouldn't
improve a Sunday school book much
that that was the very thing you
were about to propose yourself? O.
you were under good discipline. And
as you went Auttering up and down
the room in your "undrsss uniform
you not only prattled undignifed
baby-talk, but even tuned up your
martial voices and tried to sing
"Rockaby baby in tree top" for in.
stance, What a spectacle for an
Army of the Tennessee And what
an affiiction for the neighbors, too
for it isn't everybody within mile
around that likes military music at
3 in the morning. And when you
had been keeping this sort of thing
up two or three hours, and your little
velvet head intimated that nothing
suited him like exercise and noise,
What did you do? You simply went
on, till you disappeared in the last
ditch.
The idea that baby does not
amount to anything. Why, one baby
is just house and front yard full
by itself. One baby can furnish more
business than you and your interior
department can attend to. He is en-
terprising, irrepressible, brimful Of
lawless activities. Do what you
please, you can't make him stay on
the reservation. Sufficient unto the
day is one baby-as long as you are
in your mind don't you ever pray for
twins. Twins amount to a perman-
ent riot; and there ain't any real
difference between triplets and an in
surrection.
Yes, it was high time for a toast
master to recognize the Importance Of
the babies. Think what is in store
for the present crop. Fifty years
hence we shall all be dead-I trust
and then this flag if it still survive
| and lof ,,s hopa Il v,ov-,c;Il - At