Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-02-25
PLEASANTRIES.

A GAME law-never trump your part
Ier's ace.
Il DEFY any one to say I'm coward y
mo, William. You are not coward.
No one ever saw you take water
Mrs. INGALLS, says that woman is a
silent power in the land. That will be
news to thousands of husbands.
"WHo made you. George?" asked a
country Sunday-school. "God." "Who
made those hills?" "Don't know, sir /;
just moved here" The youth had been
living in the city.
The Zuni Indians have smoked Gig
arettes for 700 years, but then they live
in the open air, and have the decency
to get rs far from civilization as posi-
ble.-l Philadelphia Call.
"MY husband is troubled with insom-
MIA" remarked Mrs. Gray. "Is he ?" re-
piled Mrs. Green. 81 thought some
thing was the matter with him. Don't
you think he needs rest?
AN editor suggests that every one
resolve that he will mind his own bust
ness this year." That would knock the
newspaper business higher than a
dudes collar, says the conscience
stricken Burlington Free Press.
"LovE him? No, mamma; I hate him.
The impudent young scamp" "Then I
suppose, my dear, you will break your
engagement with him?" "No, indeed
not; / shall marry him." swell, we'll;
didn't believe you hated him as badly as
that New York Graphic.
A CHICAGO man has bed with an
automatic music box attachment.
When it is time for him to awake it
plays the overture to one of Wagner's
operas. The only man who ever over
slept himself on that bed was born deaf
and couldn't hear it thunder.
LITTLE Clara was taken with sudden
but not serious illness. mamma" she
said, "do you think l shall get well ?"
"Of course you will, darling" II don't
think I shall, mamma, and I guess it's
best shouldn't. Being under 5, per-
haps I could get into heaven for half
fare"
wonder what that man is going to
do with that bundle of switches on his
wagon" remarked boy to his father.
MY, son, / am sorry to see that you
are not close observer" the father re-
piled. "Thatis not bundle of switches.
The man is an honest farmer, and is
hauling some one cord of wood"
"MAY it please your honor" said a
good deacon in defending a minister
from the charge of kissing members
wife. II had a dream last night, and
saw two angels, who declared the pris-
oner to be not guilty" Every good,
returned the judge, "cause them to ap-
pear as witnesses, and I'll swear them.
"WAAT is the price of this organ p
asked gentleman of dealer. "Three
hundred and sixty.fve dollars replied
the latter. "Phewi" exclaimed the
gentleman, faint that rather high ?"
"Oh, no, sir; you can see for yourself, it
is card rates." "Yes, but what do you
sell them for?" "Forty-three dollars,
sir"
THERE is no blank SO blank as the
blank that appears for man when he
gets up in public assembly and forgets
what he was going to say-unless it is
the blank which appears before an
amateur IN skating-rink when his legs
begin to spread out and he don't know
which one to follow Burlington Free
Press.
"WHAT have you got there?" said old
Pungleup to his daughter; "some
pressed flowers ?" "Y-e-s-s," replied she,
turning red. Don't seem TO have made
a good job of it; what were they pressed
against 2" why er-against my belt,
murmured the girl, who had been to q
picnic with Charley. But the old man
never tumbled.- San Francisco Post
"MR. SMITH, is ague catching, just
like the measles?" mo, my little deah
What made you think SO ?" "Coz, when
you was here the other night, you know
petting sister Jane, when she had the
ague, ma said, after you'd gone, that
you was no good and hadn't got any
money, and that Jane had better give
you the shake. thought may be it was
catching"
THE practical genius of the English
people occasionally receives homage
even from the most patriotic French
papers. LIE Gaulois tells story o.
aun Anglais" who married rich wife
for her money, and who, upon discover
ing too late that she had wooden leg
did not give way to useless repining
but promptly insured his better hal
against fire.
"OH, Mr.. Smith," said young lad.
at church fair, IT want your help fo
a moment" Certainly" replied MI
Smith, what can I do for you'll" :"
just SOLD tidy for fifteen dollars tina
cost fifteen cents, and want you to tel
me what percentage that is" "A trans
action of that kind, my dear Miss B.,
said Mr.. Smith, who is lawyer, "get
out of percentage and into larceny
brakes Travellers Magazine
BOBBY begged his mamma to buy
drum. 81 am afraid, Bobby" she re
piled, "that If I were to buy you drum
grandpa might not like it very well.
@That wouldn't make any diferenc
mamma" Bobby argued, "cos, you see
the drum amt for grandpa; it's for me.
This conversation occurred a goo,
Doh