Morning journal and courier., 1885-08-27
FLYING.

] The house fly flies an average of three miles ! per day. He can't be biting babies and ! bald heads all the time, you know.-Detroit ! Free Press.
 f Sculptor Joel L. Hart has just chiseled g piece of statuary representing "Woman Triumphant" She is represented in gar | den leaning on a broom, with the hen dlsap. bearing in the distance. hiladelphis Call.
 | Certain patent medicine men will be griev' | ously disappointed if cholera doesn't make | it's appearance in this country this year I Their labor of Changing the labels on the bottles of their unsold stock of liver reme \ dies to "cholera cures" will have been throwr | away.-Norristown Herald. Young housekeeper Cooking over the mar ket reports) -''Bridget, I shall want you te | go to market this morning." Bridget-"Y Yis l mum. Wot'l get, mum!' Young house ! keeper-s:I see that beef is much cheaper or ! the hoof and I presume it's just as good I Get nice roast off the hoof. ."-New York I Times.
 Wife (reading the paper)-"Here is an ac
 count of another woman kissed by George | Washington, who has just died" Husband 1 (mind on business matters s)-"Yes?" Wife cone can scarcely pick up paper without | reading of some woman whom George Wash l ington kissed as having just died" Husband | Ca little impatiently)-"Yes,d dear; but dont
 bother me, Probably something poisonous | about him. m."-New York Sun.
 ''I tell you, Bromley, I've married ar
 angel"
 ! 70, no doubt! wait until you've been mar 1 ried as long as have"
 "Shes all smiles Bromley; never cross | word. Her voice is as sweet as the sound o1 ! a harp. Her. 70, she reminds you of harp, does she l Inside of a year she'll remind you of an ac- l cordion.'
 "Why of an accordion?' "Bscause she'll make the most noise when you attempt to shut her p."-Philadelphia 1 Call.
 Advice to Teacher.-Johnnie Fizzletop is one of the boys that attends the University l of Texas He plays hockey, breaks his 1 slate and makes the life of the professor mis- ! erable by shooting spitballs at him. Some I weeks ago Johnny showed signs of reforma- ton, but it did not last, for yesterday the professor caught him in the act of putting a oent pin on his throne. ''Johnny, know you seem to be a bad boy" said ! the professor sadly, "but I hoped there had been change for the better in your conduct. even told your father that you wers a changed boy. I hoped that you had become better boy, but I see I am mis- taken. I am grieved and disappointed: see that my hopes were premature. "Yes, that is all your fault You shouldn't go off at half-cock that way Remember that Da- l vid Crockett said: Be sure you are right, I and then go ahead, but you'll learn after a while. ."-Texas Siftings. SADDEST SIGHT. When a woman her home would decorate She stops not at obstacles small or great, But the funniest sight her trials afford ! Is when madam essays to saw a board. 1 With her knee on a plank, and the plank on a ! chsir
 She poses her saw with knowing air; ! Makes several wild rasps at the pencilled line, And is off with a whizz the reverse of fine. I With lips compressed she gets down to work, I And crosses the timber jerkity- jerk She can't keep to the line, her knees slip askew, But keeps to the work till the beard splits n ! two.
 | She has damaged the chair. she has ruined the ! saw,
 Her back is aching, her hands raw, And she finds, when she tries to fit her prize, \ It's an inch too short of the requisite size. ! Denver Tribune.