News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1885-03-19

NOT VERY SENSITIVE.
Some Northern people imagine that
the Southern African is as full of per-
sonal pride as one of Fenimore Coopers
Indians. Uncle Nose, OF Austin, is not
one of that kind.
'I'se gwinter quit. has to look up
anodder place." he said to his employer,
John Ingle, wealthy merchant.
whats the matter with you, Uncle
Mose?"
"De bizness manager, Mr.. White,
has not kicked me in de las two mumfs.
Not once has he lifted his foot ag'in
me-"
81 ordered him not to kick you again.
L don't allow anything of that kind in
this establishment. 1 intend that no.
body shall hurt your feelings, Uncle
Nose"
"Ef I don't get no kicks Use gwinter
quit"
"Are you crazyP Do you want to be
kicked and cuffed about ?"
"Yes, sab, does. Ebery time de
bizness manager kicked or cuffed my
ears when he was mad, he got ashamed
of hisself afterward, and CUB me quar-
ter. Use done lost enough money al
ready, wild dis heah foolishness about
hurtin' my feelings. s."-IeraS SJtirgs.
PUT HIM UP.
An anecdote is told of the early days
and the time when court was first held
in this county in log tavern. An adj
joining log stable was used as Jail, the
stalls answering as cells for the prisoners.
Judge T. was on the bench, and in the
exercise of his Judicial functions severely
reprimanded two young lawyers who
had got into personal dispute.
A herculean backwoodsman, attired in
o red flannel shirt, stood among the
auditors in the apartment. He was
much pleased at the judges lecture
having himself been practicing at
another bar"-and hallooed out to his
worship (who happened to be cross
eyed:
"Give it to 'em, old gimlet-eyes y
"Who is that ?" demanded the Judge.
He of the flannel shirt, proud of being
thus noticed, stepped out from among
the rest, and, drawing himself up to his
full height, vociferated:
"Its this here old hoss I"
The Judge called out in peculiarly
dry, nasal tone: 'Sheriff, take that old
hoss,' put him in the stable, and see
that he is mot stolen before morning."
Dispatch.
THE TELEPHONE.
Brown (who has just had telephone
connection established between his of
fee and house and is very much pleased
with It'll tell you, Smith, this tele-
phone business is wonderful thing. I
want you to dine with me this evening,
and will notify Mrs. Brown to expect
you. Speaking through the telephone)
My friend, Smith, will dine with us
this evening. Now listen how distinctly
her reply will come back
Mrs. Browns reply Coming back
with startling distinctness) s)-Ask your
friend Smith if he thinks we keep
hotel.
THE EXCUSE.
A mother took her little three-year-
old son to an afternoon concert, and
when the first encore was given he was
frightened, and asked his mother why
they did so. She said, playfully, "Per-
haps they are glad she is done singing"
and Thought no more about it.
He seemed ~ be satisfied, and sat the
rest of the time reasonably well. The
next morning, after his father had asked
the blessing, the little boy clapped his
hands in very vigorous manner, and
when asked why he did so, said, '1'm
dad he's do~n. want some fis'."
HOW THE DOCTORS CURED HIM.
Two doctors were disputing by the
bedside of County Clerk Keenan, during
his recent illness.s
ST tell you the liver is diseased" said
one.
Nonsense; nothing Of the kind. 1t
is the Spleen" said the other.
Every well; we shall see who is in the
right at the post-mortem examination"
Hearing which keenan, became real
mad and got up and dressed himself.
He began to improve from that time
and hasn't known a sick day since.
THE MERITS IN THE CASE.
"What are the relative merits in the
case?" asked the attorney of young
man who had sought his advice in rela-
ton to a divorce.
''Relative merits ?" reiterated the
young man, who was apparently dazzled
at the remark.
"Yes," replied the attorney.
"Well, the relative merits in the case
is an exasperated son-in-law, and the de-
merits is a meddling mother-in-law.-
PretzeFs Weekly.
A COMPLIMENT IN DOUBT.
Dear friend Clara Cooking at Bellies
photography )-"What lovely picture u
BeIle-''Do you really think it looks
like me r
Dear friend Clara-"Oh, no, dear; not
q particle. "-BOSton Transcript.
CONDUCT.
''What shall do to gain eternal life?"
Discharge Alright
The simple dues with which each day is rife.
Yea, with thy might.
Ere perfect scheme of action thou devise
Will life be fled;
While he who ever acts as conscience cries,
Shall live, though dead.
SCHILLER.
The ROX Mood Going.