Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1885-01-23
HUMOROUS.

Dup III HiiO N"9f0 OuV VI lClt Ht goes 10
the uncle
"What is the boundary that separ-
ates a smile from a tear?" Give it
ap' "The nose"
An eel was found in can of milk
recently, and it didn't appear to be at
all out Of its element.
Ananias has very bad reputation.
but it can be said to his credit that he
never wrote circus circular.
Pork is the only thing that. we hap
pen to call to mind just at the moment
that can be cured after it is dead.
An exchange asks how to remove
paint We have found that coat
sleeve wilt remove a great deal of it.
never met fractions goat,
Especially when tile field is wide.
But That nchc for many Il day,
And always on the butted side
A little girl suffering with the
mump5 declared she "felt as though
headache hal slipped down into her
neck"
1t rains alike on the just and un.
just on the just mainly because the
unjust have borrowed their um-
brellas.
A boy says in his composition, that
"onions are the vegetable that makes
you sick when your don't eat them
yourself"
1t is believed that Ananias died at
the right time to preserve his reputa-
ton. He wouldn't be considered much
Of liar these days.
\ popularity in connection with
the inhabitants of the sea is, that while
they are all permanent residents the
entire population is strictly a floating
one.
John, what is the best thing to
feed parrot on?" asked an elderly
lady of her bachelor brother who hated
parrots. arsenic" grufly an
sWered John.
a delaware farmer has put down
10000 herrings as a fertilizer. His
theory is that the crops will hurry
into the air away from the smell of
the herrings.
A young man who was Tilted by his
girl and subsequently married her.
says she treated him like . hottie -of
patent medicine He was " shaken
before taken.
mo man can do anything against
his WILL" said metaphysician
Faith" said Pat, a had a brother
who went to prison against his will
faith he did"
A Swedish chemist has discovered
that sea water contains alcohol. We
don't know that this has any connec-
tion with the expression "IIalf seas
over," but it may.
An exchange says that folded
newspapers placed under the coat in
the small of the back is an excellent
substitute for an overcoat. Now is
the time to subscribe.
"What you doin' now, Bill?" Moth
in. Been doin' of it for three weeks
and | can't stand it much longer"
"What you goin' to do?' Cit
somebody to help me-
Mistress to amiable servant maid:
81 am going to the opera this eve
ming, so l shall probably be home
late" Amiable maid: "Oh, you
needn't apologize to me for that.
Little George was questioned the
other day about his big sisters beau.
"How old is hep" 81 don't know"
"Well, is he young?' q think so, for
he hasn't any hair on his head"
A young man who was courting
widow asked her if she objected to
smoking. "Oh, no." she said; poor
John was very fond Of tobacco, and
allowed him to smoke all he wanted
to-before we were married"
"You must come and see me, my
dear" said lady to little girl of her
acquaintance. DO you know my
number?" "Oh, yes, ma'am," re
sponded the innocent child. Papa
saws you always live at skies and
sevens"
Little Rudolph one day begged an
invitation to dinner AT the table his
hostess anxiously inquired: Rudolph.
can you cut your own meat 2"
"Humph," said Rulolph, who was saw
ing away; "can't ]? I've cut up just
as tough meat as this at home"
.pshaw, Katep husband said one day.
In some domestic row;
.,You used to be too awful nice,
Why amt you that way know
"It's all your fault, she answered him,
nThat am changed OF late;
/ you would not alter Kate. You know,
! Did you not altercate?'
They who live in a worry invite death
hurry.