Daily Republican., 1885-05-22
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

" Mother" said a little girl who WAS
engaged In making an apron for her
doll, believe will be q duchess
when grow up" How do you ex-
pect to become duchess, my daughters"
" Why, by marrying a Dutchman, to
be sure" replied the little girl,
I" don't see how you can endure that
Pliffy girl, jack" said his sister.
am sure there's nothing In her."
Nothing in her indeed! l just wish
you'd been with US to supper after the
theater tonight" and he dropped a tear
over his buried salary.
Poor mani exclaimed physician,
as he approached the patients bed, The
seems to De suffering from beuraiiRa.
You're Mistaken" said the SICK
man " Her name isn't neuralgia; It's
Sophia and we've only been married
Six months"
Railway restaurant keeper mike,
what IL the matter with this carving
knife? made 1t AZ sharp AZ razor
this morning, and now 1t IL notcntd up
Ikea saw ?'' Sure, scr, one OF the
customers grabbed IL to cut a sandwich
in two"
A young lady explained to her lover
1
publishing, anu at the conclusion
o. her remarks, by way Of illustration,
she said - You may print KISS on
my check, but YOU must not publish
IL -
| Mittross Sarah, the joint ~ sin
Iply dreadful. Whatever p Isseased "l
10 choose 1t? Itisall boue." "Yes,
ma am that's what / said to the butch
err. told him tn, If it had been FOL
myself wouldn't have bought it,"
Lady (greatly excited): "oh, doc
tor, pray do come ut once to our house!
Doctor: Yes, directly, who Is Il,
dangerously I'll ?" Lady. am. But
as had no one TO send, l came mysel
TO tell you"
| When a yourg man lays siege TO
lyouug lady and insists upon her con
seDtng TO become mis- wife, she caDno
but confess that he Is " man after he
Town heart" however heartless she ma.
appear.
Mr.. Quibbs. 81 think Mrs. Forsy th
, is one OF the most beautiful women
ever saw. a lovely singer, too-such
sweet falsetto voice." Mrs. Quibb
(hot W: " Yes, and false SOL OF teeth
/ too"
. Tim -" If me employer does not RI
thract what he said TO me this nornin
!, ii shall lave his sarvlce !" Phelim
Why ,pnat did he say" Tim "Sure
he tould me | could look fer anothe
place"
: A small boy was playing truant til
, other day. When asked If be woul
. not .et whipping when he reache
home, he replied What IL hv
minuses of licking to five hours
. run ?"
IL AT an hotel. Visitor " Waiter
saw your thumb in this soup as yo
were bringing 1t to me" I" oh, it's of L
!, conseq uence, sir. IL wasn't hot enoug
r. to scald Ae
" Humph !" said young man at Il
!, theater with young lady. 81 coul
a play the lover better than that myself.
| wouldn't mind seeing you try 1t.
: was the naive reply.
Don't squeeze any small, squares, an
suspicious looking envelope that hal
= per to come among your wife's letter
y 1t will probably contain her new sprin
bonnet.
Il He tried TO kiss me, and Just to-
X him TO behave" said All ifate your
lady. Well, did he kiss you?" askt
her friend, 4" No, the idiot He b
haved
He: never have seen you wit
= out your spectacles before, Miss Mary
~ Sac : u No? l always take them {
@. when / don't want To see -
In what respect does deaf al
IS dumb married pair have al advanta
@. ovor other wedde'i couples? Ia beii
Y unsptakably happy