Omaha daily bee., 1885-11-14
PEPPERMINT DROPs

Our 'steemed contemporary-the oyster.
Talk. Is cheap, but not when you talk
through II telephone.
There is no occasion fer a man with O cold
In his head 10 be Idle, Hes UP to has SneClG
IN business.
I've lost ten pounds Of flesh on your &C.
count sighed Inc butcher, as a dog rlh Oh
with u steak.
A smart fellow In Warren county, Pa, has
done u good business This tall by selling We'll
urIed Bermuda onions tor liyaClnth UlIlbs.
The turkey is about the only creature that
is sorry the election excitement Is over. lie
lGels mat he Is getting painfully Consp, CuOus.
n great deal has been sad about learning
20 say No. II YOU would teach Il man TO say
No, Just ask him If he would like 10 pay that
little bill TO day.
The most successful dairyman in Wiscon-
SIN sayS:"l always speak tOa COW ~ do Ia
lady Of course, "lOu are lOuNing a little
palI-water viii do YOU good
,Sp0odle was saying that when he was
abroad he was presented al couIt. "rhc deuce
You We're! CNC.aimed FOgg. How did Ii
lIal'peh' How mucn did they fine your
Thirty-fOnr thousand dollars has just been
pad Tor a seat in tile New York sock -
cilalgc, and yet some peope KICK against
pay llE my GEMS Tor Il scat i'll "A Minstrel
Snow.
Aplate has been discovered on which a pie
can Dc based without burning wullc the ms.
trcss OF the house is In,shIng her novel and
the cook is having a few last words with the
Policeman.
A western lecturer recently advertised a
lecture Tor ladies Ovcr2j years OF age. The
lecturer was promptly ON hand, but the audi
ence consisted of Onty one ~perSOn-tne Ice
turer ) aged grandmother.
II am surprised, sirr' hundred the presi
dent, rs he caught the cashier gong through
the sale one night. 80 am L. stld the cash
ier. ~ thought you were the burglar | huel
10 blow up tine SAFE after / d got through"
"What is usually the nationality of a boot
black, my dear" asked Mrs. Caution While
her husband was Stuuyins the score OF an Al
leshany game. 20. IL VARIES replied Cau-
tion; Sometimes they are Polish and some
times Shlnese.
Then you don't believe that loveis blindP'
No, | DON'T
"nOw does that Gomez"
We'll, sir, L never knew a young woman
to fall IN love with u man who dyed MS WIS
kerS."
"A California blacksmith is dangerously Ill
with g,anders, contracted while shooting Il
horse And n pennSylrania woman is sui
fering from u sprainod ankle, contracted
While ''shOoing'' u hen. There seems 10 be a
fatality about this shooting business.
The Portland Oregonian gives the following
paragraph to illusgrae the prosperity IN the
mines: &c. b.. KIM arrived here Sunday
from CRur d'Alenr mines. On the boat he
saw seveaty-nve barrels Of whisky going into
the mines on an order from one man Tor u
hundred barrels"
An American tourist in Switzerland was
awakened by his rot al mate, an Englislllnan,
who urged him to get up. Hurry up, Or you
will lose the magnificent spectacle OF the sun
rising" as that all the Siln does here?
Well it does that in New York, too. | thou Ght
breakfast was ready by the joyous ring OF
your voice"
AT Forty-Eight'' is the caption of Ella
Wheeler WilcOXS latest poem. Ella is get
ting truthful since She was III lr Cd. Tw0
years ago she wou dn't have owned TO n day
over 80" But really, ELLA is more OF a chest
nut than we would have dared to imagine.
We always fancled thnt she was Il coy young
thing of about a..
The Detroit Free Press says some fellow
has patented ian automatic stool that shuts
up when the COW kicks" This may be Il
valuable invention, but we don't believe the
ingenuity OF man is capable OF producing II
continuance that will cause the mixer to shut
up when the COW kicks. That is the time he
or she opens out and uses language.