Daily Republican., 1885-10-14
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT,


awhile with lady ON the in
topic of matrimony conc uded
1t last with the emphatic question
u VIII you have me 20 CT am very
sorry TO disappoint you" replied the
lady, land hope my refusal will not
give you pain but 1 must answer
NO. Well-well, that will do"
said her philosophical lover; "and now,
suppose we change the subject"
IAN individual applies to cab pro-
how TO drive" Eyes, sir" You
know that you must be polite with all
your passengers?" "Ahi" "And |
honest. For example, what would you
do IL You should find in your cab
purse containing twenty-five thousand
dollars" Nothing at all. should |
live on my income"
Husband Angelina, dear, as 1 was
passing through the gardens / saw some |
asparagus ready for cooking. Perhaps
you would like to go and gather the
fruit OF OF the season yourself" Young
wife( AM ious to CONCEAL her ignorance
in the vegetable Department.: al tell
you what, Edwin-we will 20 together.
You shall pluck 1t, and l will hold the
ladder"
A man who had led reckless life lay
At deaths door. g. For my wife's sake
would like to l:ve," he said 10 the
minister at his bedside; "but it is q
consoling thought that We shall meet
again in heaven "Ah, sir" the
good man sadly responded, al only
the dying man, don't you think She II
get there
Mr.. and Mrs. u are on their wed.
ding tour. Mrs. " receives let.
! ter from her mother, which concludes
hope that you will be good and kind
to your husband, who is q noble fell
low" Mr.. &: " Is there no word
| for me from your mother" Mrs. -:
Oh, yes. She hopes you will be good
and kind TO such an excellent wife as |
| AN.
Johnny Cat the dinner-table): "Will
you tell US about your escape after din
ner, Mr.. Featherly?" Young Mr..
Featherly Ca guest): About what es.
cape. Johnny" have had no escape. "
Johnny: " Yes, you have. The
IDOL. killer, you know. Pa told sister
} esterday that no wondered you had
escaped him so long"
Pm a regular fool" said husband
to his wife, when he had done some
foolish thing or other, a,it is usual in
all we'll regulated families. I" 1t isn't
necessary TO put up sign, my dear, u
she responded, 30 fervently that there
didn't seem to be any necessity for
continuing the conversation.
"I never can enjoy poetry when I'm
cooking" said An old lady who dropped
In on us recently. " But when l step
out to feed the pigs and hist myself on
the fence, and throw my soul into a
few lines OF Wait Till the Clouds Roll
BY, it does seem as If This airth was
made to live on, after ALL.
"Did you ever notice how woman
takes the cork out of a bottle" asks o
correspondent. No, sir. We let the
women notice how we take the cork
out OF q bottle. No gentleman will
stand idly by and let woman struggle
to get q cork out of bottle. 1t taxi 81
her too long.
An Englishman who was traveli nl
In America was struck by the universe
duplication of the term gentleman
In that country, and inquired of al
American friend who really wer'
4" gentlemen in the States. wal.
lguess every one who isn't a lady," wa
the reply.
] A gentleman said to one OF his friend
that for some years his wife persisted
in saying that she was only twent.
years old d" Mine is more reasonable,
: replied his friend. " have succeede,
in making her enter her thirties, but
have failed to make her come out o
them"
When lady living in the countr
sent to town for doctor, she apologi
zsd for asking him to come such dis
; lance, Don't speak of it," answered
i the NJ. D., i" happen to have anothe
+, Ipatient in the Deighborhood, and ca
hus kill two birds with one stone"
A farmer and his wife went into
, dentists. GLOW much do you charg
: for film teeth ?" asked the farmer
9 From ten shillings to five dollars.
4" And for pullin'?" 1.-TWO shillings.
" Mariar," he said, turning to his wifi
> you'd better get it pulled"
.Ha! ha !" laughed citizen In tn
train the other morning. My viii
hit me on u soft spot when she strucl
l. that subject at breakfast. ''She mu'
10 have struck you on the head, then.
lsuggested Crimsonbeak, 10 whom tn
ID remark was maze.
A crusty old fellow once asked
i" What il the reason that griffins, dra
] CONS, and devils are the la les favori'
% sub jects for en- broidery designs ?" a." 1t
because they are continually thinkin
of their husbands" was the lady
= quick retort.
is You must cultivate decision of chal
acter and learn to say No, said
30 father to his son. Soon afterwards, wht
a the father told his son to go to bed, Il
"a boy said "No" with an emphasis TIL
b showed remembrance of the lesson.
pr The landlord OF hotel at quiet b
rs rising watering place makes the stai
us ling announcement in his advertis
or ments that Nobody dresses here, al
health and happiness are most soug
for"
!. "Oh you can Taught" said Fenderso
l. with show of Impotence; but a
d not quite so much fool as you think
am" " Tell You the truth" said Fog
81 didn't believe it could be possible
mi An acute observer says that trying
Ill do business without ad vertising Is Iii
's' winking at a pretty girl through pa
ne OF green goggles. You may know VIII
W. you are doing, but nobody else does.
Il lam afraid your dres, won't plea
ID the men," said gentleman to b
at fashionable daughter. why, papa
- she replied, don't dress to please &
men, but to worry other women?'
mo" said Miss Spins'er, 1t
wouldn't have any fool of man
B" And as you cannot get any 9th
kind" remarked Aunt Susan, "y'
prefer to remain single. Well, don
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