davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
NIPPED IN THE BUD.
A Social Calamity Averted by = Little
Explanation.


A Social Calamity Averted by = Little
Explanation.
He looked all around to see if any.
body was within hearing. and then
dropped his voice to whisper and said:
BOSS, I reckon you kin gin me a
leetle information. What does pusson
do when he elopes?"
s.Why, an elopement is when a man
and woman or boy and girl run away
together"
"Whar' do dey 60 TOP"
20, anywhere they decide upon"
"Who pays de expenses?"
1.-The man, of course"
"How long am dey gomez"
Sometimes 3 week-sometimes for.
ever"
"Who pays de expenses back?"
'sThe man."
.What becomes of de woman's hus-
band?''
"Well, he generally arms himself with
q shotgun, and if he overhauls the
couple he shoots seven kinds of day
light through the man and forgives his
wife and takes her home"
"Fo' de Lawd! Shoots right at yep
"Yes."
"Fills ye right full o shot?"
"Yes."
.Doan' gin We no time to run or re-
pent, an can't be bought off wild a
silver watch and $2?"
mo, SIR"
..Now! Sayr'
sWell."
Il isn't gwine! TIE changed my
mind! Good dayr'-DetroH Free Press
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
PUNeENT PARAGRAPHS.

Women are tho hardest conun-
drums ever given to man, and yet man
never seems to be willing to give them
up.-N. y Ledger.
1t is supposed that out Of eighty pei
cent. who remembered the poor, about
eight per cent. gave something to them.
-Roston Transcript.
Yes, my boy" said an old min
lister to his SON, who was going out to
do battle with tho world; ''be as wise rs
q serpent and as harmless as . dove;
but if you forget any part of this ad-
vice do not forget that part about being
as wise as q serpent" ."-Boston Courier.
The man that I marry" said
Clara, ..musG be handsome, rich. brave,
clever and good-tempered." "But how
will you discover that he possesses al
those qualities?" 81 can see for myself
if he is handsome and can easily ascer-
tain if he is rich. don't so much mind
about the others. ."-PMladelphia Record.
-"What name does your husband
call you by?" said . bride to a friend
who had been married several years;
''does he call you ducky or lovy? My
darling calls me ducky." .Does he7
Mine used to call me popsey-wopsey.
but he doesn't use that term now
..What does he call you. then?" He
calls me, Say, thereF IN T. Sun.
How much for candy?" said .
little boy. six sticks for five cents, eh!
Now, lem me see; six sticks for 5 cents.
five for cents, four for cents, three
for 2 cents, two for l cent, and one fol-
nothing. I'll take ono stick, mister !"
He got it, but the dealer is still in q
state of bewilderment, and can't see
how that can be.-Montreal Canada
Witness.
II used to think Edmund m
angel" sighed Madeleine. ..Matri-
mony, however, opens ones eyes, and ]
find him perfect bear" 30. how de-
lightfulr' exclaimed Sylvia, clasping
her hands and looking unutterable
things. s.Delightful?" echoed Made
leine, in amazement. 'Yes, delightful!
Tell me, dear, isn't bear one of those
awful animals which hug one to deaths
Yes. know it is! How happy you must
ber' Madeleine had fainted.-OH City
Blizzard.
You don't cook like Sary Ann
used to, Matilda" he said. in tones of
gentle, exasperating reproof; mo. it
seems to me you can't cook like Sary
Ann used to- On another occasion it
was: You're not as smart in gettin'
round as Sary Ann was, Matilda. You
don't appear to ketch on where she left
off, About this time q heavy rolling
pin came in contact with his head.
"What do you mean by that, you vix-
emp" he exclaimed in agony. I'm
doing some of the work Sary Ann neg
lected," she replied. and there was
much peace in the family thereafter
-Philadelphia Record.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11

scendants will be prosperous; if it passe:
at another angle distress will overtakt
them. This compass, SO necessary in
determining every location, has twelve
cyclical characters, analogous to the
twelve signs of the zodiac, inscribed al
equal distances around the outer circle
The first is at the northern extremity,
and is placed at the back of the tomt
which. unless for special reasons, al
ways faces south. The order in which
the signs are read and calculations made
is from east to west. according to the
diurnal motion, as it appears to them, oi
the sun and stars. If bend in the wa.
ter course is noted to the north, it indi-
Gates thatsse descendants, if poor, will
be thieves. or, If rich, that they will be
robbed. If the same sign appears on
the northeast, it shows that the de-
scendants will die young or be left wild
ows, or worse still, men without chill.
dren. If the bend in the water course
occurs to the east they will become vag-
abonds. At the next point disturbance
and rebellion are indicated. At the next
q snake will grow of itself in the tomb,
causing restlessness to the bones of the
deceased. and, consequently, to the for.
tunes of his posterity, bringing the evil
wind of unhappy destiny with special
force to blast their prospects.
The water in front of tomb should
never be stagnant, but always running
in q stream. Riches and rank are
supposed to flow capriciously from point
to point, hence SO much depends on the
,$ fha 0kor hx- he
tomb. The cutting Of roads or the
building of bridges or dams may alter
the course of the water and disturb the
natural influences of the place, and a
man may be ruined in fortune by the
displacement of hundred weight oi
earth behind the grave of his grand.
father.
In building houses, ancestral halls,
temples, and laying the foundation oil
villages, the service of the geomancer
is absolutely necessary to secure the
proper conjunction of good influences.
In front of a village, for instance, a
straight road leading directly out of it,
with people going and coming. or a
small stream flowing in a straight
course from it, are said to dissipate the
good influences. An open air altar. a
bamboo grove or groves in front, and to
have the left side low and the right
high, are all unlucky signs. The great
antidote for this system of grossest
error is the spread of Christian science.
True knowledge Of astronomy and
physical geography will do much to
break down this mass of superstition
which has covered the whole face of
nature with a mantle of sinister inflH-
ences and made a mans personal
virtue, as well as his outward pros
perity, depend upon the physical
surrounding Of his home or the location
B. C. Henry, IN Washington National
Republican,.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

OF the young ladies in the Normal
College in New York twenty-five per
ccnt. are Jewesses-N. r Sun.
The village Of Brussels, in this
county, is, We believe. the first munich
pality in Ontario to elect . woman as .
school trustee.-GodericA (Ont.) Star.
-Ex Governor Hoyt Of Pennsylvania.
tells that when he was in college Uafay-
ette) he and his classmates got board
for eighty-seven cents . week.
-"Thon." the proposed new pronoun
Gmpersonal, singular number) is being
taught by some of the teachers in tho
public schools, tho Lewiston (Me.)
Journal says.
"A right word tomorrow In IN OBJ
scure school-room, by IN obscure teacher
to . very unpromising scholar, may
change the destinies Of life, perhaps Q
nation.-School Journal.
Albuquerque, New Mexico. has IN
Indian school thoroughly organized,
with elaborate accessories for teaching
the aborigines useful trades as well as
educating them.
The Presbyterian Church in Salem.
Ore, within the past four months has
become sef-supporting and received m
accession of thirty to its membership,
sixteen of these on confession of faith.
"A pastor in Massachusetts, village
has the eccentric custom Of presenting
every baby born into his congregation
with rattle, The record Of the last
three years shows the purchase Of twen-
ty-five rattles only.-Boston Journal.
The United Prcsbytersan's afirmar
tive answer to the question: 'Can . per
son live and die . Christian without
knowing it," suggests to the CAristidn
Register another question: 'Can per
son live and die . Christian without
somebody else knowing it7'
Robinson Crusoe has been translated
into Latin for young students, the OBJ
ject being to render the study OF Latin
attractive. Boys and girls who, in these
days, 60 to school, should congratulate
themselves that they wefe not school
mates of their parents.-Current.
The statistics of the salaries paid
Congregational ministers in Connecti-
cut show that Of the 298 churches only
fifty pay o., 900 . year or moro, and 128
pay less than 1000. The average for
the whole is about $1,000. The aver
age for all except the first-named fifty is
about $3.50. The lowest salary is about
e4OO and the highest 5000.
1t is somewhat startling to the
reader OF the School Journal, devoted
to school education, to find in its col
A.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
A cAR6oNIFERous coNcEIT.
BACK, my love, in the Rons of time.
Ere man on earth did dwell
An the Dreamy carboniferous cline,
Perchance 1 loved thee well.

Back, my love. in the seons OF time.
Ere man on earth did dwell
Al the Dreamy carboniferous cline.
Perchance l loved thee well,
me seif-same question may have asked
ihat now sets your cheeks axlow.
When we were saurians and haskad
In the sunshine of long ago.
Iae rich green ferns as a carpet spread
1t the foot of stately trees.
mat lazily rustled over head
In the ianguid tropical breeze.
truth >
OF the burning words told
10 you when the world was in its youth,
In sunny days of old.
hut the sunny day was night at last,
our former selves were clay:
into the shade of Il vanished past
our JOY was swept away.
The sharp, cold wind is blowing,
Driving the fallen snow,
But the coal in the CRATE is glowing,
ana tell me, love, do you know
The freight flash is telling
tender tale and true,
how with love our hearts are swelling,
love that is old, yet new?
For the gentle light is the same, love,
That kissed us in days of old.
And though ages has held the truth, love.
That once to the trees we told.
Let the storm-king ride in icy pride;
Heed not the wind and snow:
Darling, again am at your side,
In the sunshine of long ago.
Thomas p. Conant. in Harpcr's Bdzdr.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
The Dress Of Great Men.

Daniel Webster usually wore suit Of
snuf-brown color, with large soft
neck-tie. Martin Van Buren was very
fastidious about his clothes, and always
appeared during the summer in the
whitest of white linen duck. His clothes
were cut in the latest styles. and he
wore very high stock neckties, out of
which peeped his standing collar. An
drew jackson also dressed well, though
he did not make his clothes . great
matter. Henry Clay wore . swallow
tail. and . standing collar extravaganza
ly high. James Buchanan was always
very precise in his clothes, always ap-
pearing in full dress. s.-Washingtou Cor.
Cleveland Leader.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
ROLLER SKATING.
The Furor which Prevails In One Of the
Towns OF Maine.

The Furor Which Prevails In One Of the
Towns OF Maine.
A man by the name of Brown left 4
village in this State about two years ago.
Last week he returned, and just as he
was strolling down the street of his ma
tive village he met farmer by the
name of Smith who was not prosperous
when he left. and lived just outside the
village. Brown was surprised to see
the stranger attired in . dress-suit, with
a silk hat and big diamond pin blaz-
ing on his shirt-front, and he inquired:
..Been to funeral to-day?"
'.Why, bless you, no."
sNo2 see you have got on your best
clothes; are you farming yet?'
EARNING! Well, / should say not.
am running roller-skating rink down
here"
Where is your son Jim?'
20, he's running 3 rink"
"And your daughter Lize?"
''She is skating under the manage
ment of Tim Jones in the Maine rinks."
..And your wife?"
.She skipped out with Prof Meechin,
an instructor whom hired when first
opened the rink"
us Elder Longsermon preaching here
still?'
mo; he resigned from the ministry
and is now rink instructor
Who's preaching in the placer"
Nobody"
Nobody? What's the matter?''
Church turned into q skating-rnk."
.sYou don't say sop
s.Yes. true - preaching"
where's Bill Beck. the grocery
man?''
He went out of business year ago
He's got the ioe-cream stand down in
my rink"
"Pshaw! Where's Aunt Sally Bakon
and Deacon Schultzer2'
why, dang it all. they are travelling
around visiting rinks, doing the old
man and woman act on skates. tell
you they're immense.
..Say, Dan, what became of your old
shepherd dog, Cairos'
..Darned If the dog didn't get the fever
and one day he sneaked in behind the
place where / keep skates to hire, put
on pair. and rolled out on the floor
Just as nice as any human being. when
all of q sudden his hind pair Of skates
got mixed up with his tail, which tripped
him up, and he fell backwards and
broke his neck"
Poor dog!'
..Gosh, can't help crying when I
think of his sad and tragic end"
lis there anybody left in this town
who does not skate?''
Yes"
Where are they?"
up in the cemetery on the hilL"-
Bangor (Me. Commercial.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
DULL DAYS.

Why Some AercAaats aro - Seoaativo %
Elaet1at5sa ~ Trade.
"Why is it that merchants are 30 SEN
sitive to the fluctuations Of trade? l
have been in two or three stores to-day
and they all spoke Of it, bsipg re-
markably dull day-but little doing
and appeared quite blue. They have
had . good trade right along, and !
should think they would rather relish .
quiet day. now and thenr' interroga-
lively spoke . citizen yesterday to . re-
porter. The reporter replied: '-Have
you ever thought Of the peculiar situa-
ton of the dry goods merchant! He
pays large rent he must have good
force of clerks, he must burn gas freely
and then goods arc sold very low now.
His margins are very small and his sales
must be largo to mako his profits equal
his expenses, Every merchant knows
just what his daily expenses are. The
largest retail dealer in the city can tell
you Just what his expenses are per min
ute. When the merchant looks at his
cash book and sees the money coming
in slowly, he realizes that every moment
he is losing money. for his expense
are the same, trade or no trade. II HE
expenses arc $500 or $500 per day. you
zee he may lose money rapidly and
there is NO wonder that he Is sensitive,
for men don't like to see the cash 10
count run against them, even for . day.
OF course, some are moro sensitive tc
these wrong side accounts than others
Some scarcely notice . days slacknese
in trade. making their calculations on
longer time-a week or . month-aud
compensate for to-day's light business
by saying that it win be al the more
active tomorrow. He il, in many 70
spects, . lucky man. Hope always
keeps him in good spirits, while tho
merchant who broods over days dull
ness casts . gloom over the entire estab-
lishmont- sometimes think il would
be better il the merchant could only zee
weekly or monthly statements Of &C
counts, but Of course they want tc
know where they stand each day, and
perhaps, as rule, that Is best yet to
some it may be the cause of certain
degree Of unhappineas.-Toledo Zsle-
Qr0Ds.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11

-Thaddeus Louis Poniatowski, .
grandson of the King of Poland, has
gone west to become q cowboy. The
first thing his festive companions of the
plains will do will be to abbreviate that
name into something less jaw-breaking.
Chicago Tribune.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11

Heart disease takes q man worth
go. .OOO, Co.," are the head lines in .
Buffalo paper. We never have heard .
woman called that before; but it isn't an
inappropriate name. when YOU stop to
think about it.-Puck
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11

Horses that are not free drivers will
require less urging if driven with , bEi.
die with blinds.-Pkil0delphi0 Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
A Novel Traffic.

The cowboys here. writes Midland,
CTex.) correspondent, in the good
weather are doing little business on
their own account by killing wolves
with strychnine for their hides. The
hides they send to Chicago. getting a
fair return for them. A New York
woman, who came out here to keep .
hotel. with her husband. has started up
an interest in curlews' wings which are
fashionable adornments for ladies hats,
and the cowboys are killing curlews
now by the score. The curlew is abun-
dant on the staked plains, and their
wings, which are brownish green, with
splashes of dark brown and green, are
very good backgrounds in millinery for
few more brilliant feathers. The cur
lew nests in the prairies by scraping up
some dry grass under tnft of gramma
grass. They drop four eggs into the
nest. and it is as rare as 10 discover =
four-leaf clover to find a nest where the
four small ends of the eggs are not to-
gether. Tke eli wings bring ten
Cor Coz. caed5s 4 'N' 80
"A fashionable Chinese lunch con-
sists of little bits of cold chicken with
sauce, little bits of hot chicken boiled to
rags, morsels of pork with mushrooms,
fragments of cold duck with some
other sort of fungus. watery soup,
scraps of pigs kidneys with boiled
chestnuts, very coarse rice, picked cu-
cumber, garlic and cabbage. patty of
preserved shrimps, all in infinitesimal
portions. SO that. but for the plentiful
supply of rice, hungry folk would find
it hard to appease the inner wolf! All
these are eaten with the deceptive chop
sticks. which are as easy to use as two
Faber lead-pencils. Tiny cups Of rice
wine. followed by more tea, complete
the repast.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1885-04-11
CHINESE FOLK LORE.
Firm Belief Of the Celestials IL
Signs and Portents.

Dread OF UnIucky Words and Charms
Amulets-Many Instances OF Super
stitious Beliefs and Practices
Related-The Wind and
Water Dogma.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-05-14
Plea for the Policemen.

There is popular and generally accept
ed suspicion that some policemen are COW
ards. 1t iss vile, wicked Islander of the
deepest dye. There is long list Of things
that no policeman, however delicate his ner-
vous organism, is ever known to run away
from. There is not q case on record where
lone of the finest" has ever shown that he
was afraid of. -.
A servant girl at the basement door-it
there is no stirring on the block.
A brewery-when no other officer IS IN
sight
A muddy strset-if be is stationed where
handsome women are in the habit of cross
ing.
A "Y" or an "X" for keeping one eye
closed-if there is no chance of being found
out.
A square sleep-when there is no danger
Of being caught mapping.
The neWspapers-it he stands in with the
reporters.
The family entrsnce-after the rounds
man has Just passed. .,
Swearing to set Of facts to suit himself
in police court-ff the prisoner has no
friends or is q personal enemy.
A side door-on Sunday.
A summons before the Board OF Police
Commissioners-if he goes there simply as
a witness against some other officer.
A gang-if he belonged to it before he
went on the force.
A drunken msn-if he is paralyzed.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-05-14
Ffx&&&&xx&44ot4&Sx4+osx*&x1s

right, as people are apt to look no further or
deeper. 1t is a sorry situation to chronicle,
but so it is, and the only thing to do is to
6ght the devil with FIRE. By the
csrelessnsss of the Democrats in the ILL.,
nOiS legislative district q minority candidate
has been elected who in all probability will
be the cause Of adding another Republican
U. S. Senator to the present majority and
which may result in seriously hampering
the action OF the Administration during the
entire term, But the deed is is done and
there's an end on 1t. The thing for all citi-
sens IA do when they have a vote is to take
care to cast it if only to elect dog-pelter.
It's q sacred and inestimsble gift, is the
right of suffrage, and to abuse or neglect it
in the manner that many American citizens
do, is an insult and disgrace to their inteli-
genee. 1t is an unworthy disregard of a
valuable privilege that every thoughtful
man out to blush crimson to think he has
been guilty Of
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1885-05-14
THE BALLOT,

The recent futile attempt in the Thirty
fourth Illinois district to return Demo
cratic legislator for the enc who had died,
is only a notable repetition Of what often
occurs in nearly every community and
which is the result of an inappreciation o.
the elective franchise. Time and again
have writer's, lecturers and takers exhort-
ed, appealed and cosxed good citi-
zeus, to always cast their vote, no matter
how great the difficulty. Time again and
Oft has the most effective, logic been eI-
pended on the dereict citizen and the most
vivid picture painte of the ultimate conse-
Suences Of neglecting his elective birth
right. But alto no purpose. The man OF
business, and often the workman too,
will gulp down his breakfast
and HE to his shop and forget that such q
thing as an election was going on around
him. It viii only recur to him the next
morning as be glsnces over the columns OF
his fSYorite paper, that some direputsble
Ioater, whom he wouldn't permit to SIT on
his curb stone, has beaten John Smith for
Council, the most estimable citizen in the
ward, by 100 majority. Then it is he rises
ND from his easy chair and tries to kick
himself into a poultice; or he gets out of
sorts and smacbs the baby for trying to get
its morning kiss; or dismays his wife BY
upsetting his coffee and not eating
his breakfast, or saying dang the
blasted luck" or doing 8 dozen
other things which leads the family to
believe there something awful gone wrong.
But then they don't know what he knows.
They are not aware, as he is, that the appsr-
emit 100 majority simply represents the stay
at-homes who would have voted for the de-
feated man If they had dreamed what was
going to happen. His wife and children
are unconscious of the visions Of high taxes,
fat Jobs, lax laws pOorsly enforced, that are
bounding through his brain and which are
making him wish there was no such thing
IS Republican government because no.
body knew how to appreciate the right to
vote except the wicked and ungodly. All
these things and much more enter his
mind, and be and all the other old fossils
and mammals and go-home-&tdusk-people,
who don't come out again until next day,
And therefore never know what mischief is
going on around them, subsequently meet
and express their silly indignation and de-
nounce everybody but themselves for the
wrong dOings and the awful condition of
things. and then, BY and BY, it all stops and
is all forgotten until the mex. time, when it
is all done over again with little variation.
The Illinois occurrence is this
very condition Of things, only
on Q larger scale The Democrats were
lulled into ancisd security, and sbOnt half
of them felt sure it was no use bothsring
about voting, as every body else would vote
and 90 and sos election was assured any
hsw. Thre is no sympathy for such people
ss thess neither should they in their defeat
expect sympathy. In modern politics, as
in wx, al sharp tactics and advantages are
fair. It's success that counts. and 50 one
keeps out Of the clutches Of the law it 8 all