Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-02-04
PLEASANTRIES.

one knew that they contained air
detroit Free Press.
"I AM surprised, John" said an old
lady when she found the butler helping
himself to some of the finest old port.
So am I, ma'am. I thought you had
gone out" was the reply.-IDetroit
Post.
The Western Union Telegraph Com
pany has got the bulge on the messen-
ger boys III Washington. It obliges
them to ride bicycles, and they can't go
slow without falling off, Burlington
Free Press.
MINISTER CATER church)-You seemed
very much impressed by my sermon
this morning, Deacon. Deacon (whc
had dozed through it alD-Y-yes I was
er-very much interested, indeed, but
would you mind repeating the text?
The exact words have escaped me.
Minister--He g1veth His beloved sleep.
i Elk.
WHEN were the pyramids of Egypt
discoyered?" asked the teacher. "In
the middle ages" replied the scholar at
the foot of the class. "What do you
mean by the middle ages?" further ques-
toned the pedagogue. "Why, she
pyramidal ages, of course" The boy is
at the head now. That is to say, he is
earning board and washing in barber
shop Yonkers Statesman.
"I PLAYED good joke on my wife
last night" said Tweezers, who is not
kept out of Jail on account of his bright
ness. "What was it?" "I had our
coachman stand IN the dark hall and
kiss her, so she'd think it was me-"
"What did she do?" Nothing. She
only came into the parlor where was
sitting, and said, "Why, Tweezers, I
didn't know you had got home"
A FARMER who had engaged the serv-
ices of son of the Emerald Isle sent
him out one morning to harrow piece
of ground. He had not worked long
before nearly all the teeth came out of
the harrow. Presently the farmer went
mans progress, and asked him how he
liked the work. "Oh!" he replied, "it
goes bit smoother since the pegs have
come outl"
A CHARMING young girl, accompanied
by her octogenarian great grandmother,
who is all that the name implies, enters
a Paris dry goods store. How much is
this ribbon?" she asks of the polite
young clerk, who has bounded agilely
over several stools to wait upon her. GA
kiss yard p replied the young nasher
calamity. "Give me ten yards, then.
pay you-she always settles
the bills when we go shopping"
GIRL in Blue-There's young Mr..
Duderson over there; don't you think
he is just splendid?" Girl in Red
Splendid, that man of mushl Why, he
took me buggy-riding last week and
tried to kiss me-" G.I B.-Well? G..
I. R.-Well, he put his arm around me,
and-and of course told him to behave
himself. G. I. B.-Well? G.. I. r.
Well-he behaved himself! Both
Ugh!- San Francisco Post.
A STORY is told of Bishop Bloomfield
revisiting the University Chapel at
after long absence. Finding
the same verger there whom he remem-
bered in his college days, he said to him
You have much to be grateful for" at
have, indeed, my Lord, replied the old
man, "for / have heard every sermon
that has been preached In the chapel
for fifty years, and bless the Lord, I
am Christian stin."- Exchange.
HERR KREUTzHUBER is a member of
the secret police. Being on his way
home after midnight, he observes on
the street lamp placard. cha! these
of Socialists have posted
placard denouncing his Majesty" said
Kreutzhuber to himself. Being deter
mined to destroy the placard, he pain
fully climbs up the lamp post, and hav-
ing secured the reasonable document
he reads, Fresh paint" > Fiegende
Batter.
ANOTHER blast from the Arizona edit
DR.: "The hell-bore, red-headed smart
Aleck who makes abortive attempts TO
edit the little patent outside in Tender
loot City squeals like a stuck pig be-
cause we have shown up his political as
pirations. He pretends to be Mortified
because we drink good liquor and have
a red nose, thus hoping to throw dust
N the eyes of the public. But it won't
DO. The people know that there is no
more to him than there is to footIess
sock without any leg, that is, just moth
ng. Our nose is our own, and We pay
Tor our liquor in our hard money. Let
5he patent outside man put this in his
pipe and smoke it, Elk.
"THERE is a good story about Gen.
Hustled flying about the hotels at Albany.
The guilty wag at the bottom of it is
Congressman West. He picked up
retired son of toll in IKE street, rugged
1im up in nice overcoat borrowed for
he occasion, put a muff1er around his
neck to conceal an unfortuDate absence
If shirt, and took him to the Bald Eagles
oarlors, where he introduced him as
Member Hopkins of Greene, General,
md voter you can count on The
general, equal to any occasion, told the
spurious Hopkins a great deal more
4bout the Hopkins family and about
Greene than genuine member of the
amily could be expected to know. He
vent over in detail the steps in the
lard-fought canvass that ended in
iODkinS' succass ouito az wall aa If he