The National tribune., 1885-09-10
TRIBUNETS.
It is getting to be so that man cannot drin

TR1BUNETS.
It is getting to be so that man cannot drink
anything of any kind any more with any sense
of comfort and safety. No sooner are we turned
from our fayorite beverage of water, pure wa
ter for me-" as it came from the cold oaken
bucket that hung in the well " by the shock
ing revelations of microbes deadly vermin that
look like interrogation marks, semi-colons and
other things for shadowing q period to ones
existence, than we are alarmed by the state
ment that even lager beer, which our German
friends say has more virtues than any other
liquid known to man, is dangerous.
A chemist in New York says that every glass
of beer drawn is more or less contaminated with
salts of zinc and tin, and occasionally nickel.
1t is not pleasant. The old fashioned whisky, it
is believed, furnished a man with copper-bot-
toned epigastric apparatus, which was at least
preferable to having ones intestinal regions
constructed of such base metals as enter into
the manufacture OF beer faucets.
The chemist also says that the foam on beer
is produced by bi-carbonate of soda, which,
taken in quantities, has avery deleterious effect
on the fibrin in the blood, and he continues his
doleful narration through half column of type
till ones confidence in his fellow-creatures and
the beer vat is utterly wrecked.
The King of New York Dudes" has failed.
His name is E. Berry Wall, and he is the grand
son of the man who made fortune in rope
making. Three years ago he came into his share
of the fortune, which amounted to 100000, and
since that time he has been going it at pace that
none of the nj her vOuuU mon of Naw Work onuld
catch up to. He is estimated to have at least 500
pairs of trousers, and different suit for every
day in the year. He led the fashion among the
young men of his own set, and whenever he
appeared in a scarlet neck-scarf of peculiar
make a striped blue vest with brass buttons, Or
patent leather shoes with yellow uppers, his
example was immediately followed by the
whole dude set of New York. He took to horse
racing, and kept an extensive stable, but he
was devout Anglo maniac, and was perpetu-
ally lamenting that "you neveS could have
sport in this country as you could over there,
you know" Il is not probable that he will
have anything left when his estate is wound
up.
Mrs. Jesse James mourns the readiness with
which the world forgets its great men. 1t is
but few years since Bob Ford's well-directed
bullet bereaved her of one of the most accom-
plished murderers and train-wrecker the cOun-
try ever possessed, and yet even now she is treat
ed as woman who has no sort of claim on the
community. She tried the other day to get
the railroad men to give her pass, or at least
reduced rates, from Omaha to Denver, where
she is giving exhibitions of her shooting skill,
but they made her pay full fare just like any
common woman.
Jay Gould's great timidity is well known.
He takes around with him most of the time
trained fighter to protect him from the assaults
he fears from his associates. Many years ago
an indignant broker named Maj. Seelover did
fling Gould over the railing to a floor IL or 10
feet below. 1t is now asserted that Gould is in
terrible fear lest Edwin Stokes kill him, as he
(Stokes) did Jim Fiske years ago. 1t is said
that this is one of the reasons why Gould so
persistently keeps at sea in his yacht at time
when the great stock movements seem to de-
mand his presence SO imperatively.
An exchange reports that the fragments of the
fellow who burst into tears were gathered up
by Wall Street spectators and sold for watered
stock.
The good old story is revived about tho man
who was called into court for the purpose of
proving the correctness of a Surgeons bill, and
was asked by the lawyer whether the doctor
did not mako several visits after the patient
was out of danger" No." replied the witness,
"I considered the patient in danger SO long as
the doctor continued his visits"
Life:
Boy (who does not appreciate sermons
DWELL, I'd just like TO know what preaching's
for, anyway"
Small sister: "Why, it's to give tho singers
a rest"
Troy Press. "All want is single heart"
writes poetcss. Probably she is trying to fill
bob tail flush.
Mark Twain, who. in business, is one Of the
most greedy and selfish of men, is becoming
alarmed at the stories that arc current regard
ing the enormous amount he is going to make
on Gen. Grants book. He has shrewdness
enough to see that these will seriously injuro
its sale, and he has set to work to discourage
belief in them. Paragraphs-undoub in
spired by him-begin TO appear in the papers
pointing out how little Horace Greeley and
Jefferson Davis really made on their books,
and how the present depressed condition of
business is exceedingly discouraging for the
book canvasser. The paragraphs usually wind
up with saying that if a few thousand dollars
are made it will be quite all that is expected.
Unqucstonably there will not be as much made
out Of the book as some Of the estimates, but ut
the same time there will be a fine fortune real
bxrh ofb fha for 1yo MorG