The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-08-13

PiIH AND POiNLs
ACOUSTIC propsrties-eax trumpetaL
A MAN il called confirmed liar when
nothing that he says il confirmed.
THERE is one town in Connecticut that
has no fear of the measles. It's Had
dam.
IT is good consolation to see plumb
or compelled to buy something at re-
tail drugstore.
Has the new tenor good voice? o,
yes you could hear 10 above all the hiss
ing. Paris Paper.
The Venetian gondolier has pecu-
liar way of tying his craft; in fact it is
the moor of Venice.
A GEORGIA Judge says Kill all the
Doctors. Physicians have no patients
with such men.-Teras Siftings.
A DEBATING club at Quincy has de-
cided that it is "nore fun to see man
thread needle than woman drive
nail"
A New HAMPSHIRE cobbler makes
squeaky shoes to order. His well-heeled
customers are bound to have music in
their soles.
The fact that Chinaman took the
first prize in English composition at
Yale ought to astonish none. Ameri-
can students can't attend to football
and study at the same time.
AT college examination q Professor
asked; docs my question embarrass
you?" Not at all SIR" replied the
student. Not at all. 1t is quite clear.
It is the answer that bothers me-
THE Cincinnati Enquirer concludes
an editorial with the startling state
ment that "it is great thing to have
queen We opine that it all depends
upon what your other four cards are
Minneapolis Tribune.
SOME years ago lady in Boston
died. Her husband, being strong
Spiritualist, desired to hold communi-
cation with his departed, and inquired
If she was happy. 40 yes" was the ,
ply, II am happy here; yet, after all, it
isn't Boston"
TWO STORMS.
Long-rolling serges OF a falling sea.
Smiling the sheer cliffs of an unknown shore.
And by Jagged rock, swaying helplessly,
mast with broken cordage-nothing more.
cWlILtalung udkee OF "a durh, ureary StOrms
He opens with uncertain hand his door;
Two o'clock a. M; he sees the white form
OF waiting wife-we need to tell no more.
-SornervtAe Journal
GRANDPA trying to be severed
"Now, Mabel, tell me why you didn't
put that quarter gave you into the
plate at church this morning. Like
to see little girl give cheerfully and
not let her right hand know what her
left hand doeth.'" Incorrigible grand
daughter who is saving the money for
candy)-"That's Just the trouble, grand
pa. Ny right hand thought my left
was putting it in, and my left hand
thought my right was, and so between
the two of them it didn't get put in at
all. Life.
Two POLISH coreligionists we're on
journey hot summer-day. Have you
anything with you. Matthias?' "Yes, a
a bottle of Hungarian wine. What
have you got, Tilotf?" "a dry tongue"
Good. Then we will divide our pro-
Visions" "Yery good? Begin Mat
thias produced bottle of wine from
his wallet and It's contents were hon.
orably divided. After this had been
done, Matthias, wiping his month,
asked the fellow-traveler to bring out
his provisions. "Il' answered Tiloff.
"Why, yes. your dry tongue" IT
haven't got one now p was the reply
HebretC Journal.
TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
They spell il p-l-a-c-q-u-e,
But the way some people talk,
The word ia still in mystery,
For they pronounce IL ''plawk
Still others have their own sweet way,
And when they would remark
Upon the painting they survey
tbs what lovely plarkv'
Perhaps some charming girl will sigh,
Scanning your brio-a-orac,
"Id give the world il only
Possessed that darling 'plack
And then again some lusty lout
Will make your poor ears ache
By asking with stentorian shout
lis tibet there thing 'plakeY
And 50 IL seems quite hard to choose.
Which of these varying styles TO use
All cant be right. so you must take
Which you like best "plawk," "plark."
"plack," or 'plake."
The Judge.
ALGERNoN-"Ahl my deah boy; so
glad to see you; and how is your suit
with Miss DeRich coming on?"
Alphabetically, my boy, can't
say that I've made much progress so
far, but / believe I've hit on the right
idea now. Do you see this dawg9" "Of
course. What delightfully."- English
pug; Just like the one that Miss De
Rich admired, by the way" Its the
49,