Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-10-29
Something Will Break.

He Wore a paper collar which had
been in constant use for a week, and
this was attached to WOODEN shirt
which had faded from light blue 10
what might be classed as crushed
huckleberry color. His pantaloons
were of coarse linen, bearing straw
berry stains here and there, and his
straw hat had led the procession on
more than one Fourth Of July. TWAS
evident half mile away that lie WAS
from a back county. He must have
felt his isolation, but he marched up
Grand River avenue rs stiff as 4 poker,
carrying his extras in carpct-sack.
and turned in at Il hotel and asked if
he could be accommodated for q few
days while he looked around When
answered in the affirmative he grew
confidential and remarked:
Il may have TO 60 10 Washington be-
fore 60 back home.
Got business with the govern
ment?n quericd the clerk.
Yes sortcr. bizness. I'm after an
Office of some sort. y
'.Ah! Any particular clamp
81 should rcmarkl I've paid taxes
for seventeen straight years, been boss
at every Fourth of July, and had more
fights with the intidels in my neigh
borhood than you can shake a stick ut.
I'm going to climb an Office or break
both legs"
That was week ago. Yesterday he
departed for home, broken down and
dispirited When he settled his hotel
bill he had twenty-seven cents left, and
when one of the guests who knew of
his plans asked him how he succeeded.
he explained:
Say, I'm not the camel | thought /
was. | thought could climb an office
like COW shining up hickory, but
I'm left.
What were you after?n
Anything. | kinder thought I'd
like TO go rs minister somewhere or
other, but Teller in a saloon down
here wanted TO know how | could 90
as minister when | couldn't preach.
Another said might get into the Gus
tom house, but when | went in there
and asked man if he wanted an office
seeker he said he'd give me two minits
to skip
Did you go to the pension oflice?'
Yes. Went in there and saw the
boss, and he wouldn't take me because
/ couldn't cipher in cube root. /
thought | knew all roots in the State,
but he got me on cube.
'.How about the postoflice?"
'sWell, hung around there waiting
to see the foreman, until policeman
comes up and says he'd have letter
for me If | didn't move on.
Didn't you try for an Office under
the local government
"Yes-for dozen. / was intro
duced to seven different aldermen, and
it cost me So. 80 for beer, but that's all
it amounted to. | was Just half an
hour too late with each one of 'em to
get an office. was advised to see the
mayor and speak right up to him. He
WASH in, but his clerk peeled off his
coat and tod me to take my choice be-
tween going out OF the door or win
dow
''And you are going home?"
Going right back home. My boys
allus said was the sharpest man in
the county. I'm goin' 10 lick EN- in
potassium for bein' fools My wife calls
me Judge, and is allus telin' every
body that | was born to be great |
shall begin to call her an idiot before |
git within half mile OF the farm. y
you seem broke up.
I'm clean gone, stranger. / came
here to shear, and I've been shorn. |
was goin to git oils fur myself, and
then pick mp half a dozen fur the nay
burs, and it will be sick crowd when
we Git together in my barn and ] tell
'cm that we are ali left. I'm afraid
I'm really afraid, stranger, that some
body will offer resolution that the
bulwarks of Liberty are busted and
this country gone to Halifax. and that
it will be adopted by u risin' vote. -
Detroit Free PreSs.