davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Feotc and Garrick (the latter, it is
well known, was extremely penurious)
were leaving the Bedford one night,
when Foote, pulling out his purse to
pay the bill, dropped guinea. I'm
patient at not Immediately finding it,
"Where on earth can it be gone to-"
he said. "Gone to the devil, 1 think, !"
rejoined Garrick, who had sought it
everywhere. "Well said, David"
cried Foote; "let you alone for max
ing a guinea 60 farther than anybody
else" One day, at one Of Foote'S
levees, mendicant author, who was
fond of offering wages, shouted out {:
81 lay my head you are wrong upon
that point" "Well," said Foote, II
accept the wager; any triAe among
friends has value" A clergyman
in Essex, who used to wear boots when
OH duty, gave as reason for it that
the roads were so deep in some places
that he found them more convenient
than shoes. "Yes," said Foote, "and
1 dare say equally convenient in the
pulpit, for there, too, the doctor is
generally out of his depth" Among
other anecdotes of Foote is one about
q dinner in Paris at Lord Storment's,
where the thrifty Scotch peer dispens-
ed choice wine in the most diminu-
tive of glasses, descanting much the
while on its exquisite quality and ex-
traordinary age. "Well," said Footc,
holding up his tiny glass, cit is very
little for its age" Talking once at
dinner, and coming to the very point
of one his best stories, Footc was sud-
denly interrupted by member OF the
party, who said, with an air Of most
consideratc apology: IL beg your
pardon, Mr.. Foote, but your handker-
chief is half out of your pocket"
THANK you, sir" said Foote, replac-
idg it, "you know the company better
than I do," and finished his joke.
"Why are you forever humming that
air ?" he asked a man without sense
Of time in him. Because it haunts
me-" mo wonder" said Foote, you
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18
ALPENA, MICH, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1s, 1885,

have murdered it so often" Much
bored by pompous physician of
Bath, who confded to him as a great
secret that he had mind to publish
his own poems, but had so many irons
in the fire he really did not know
what to do, Take my advice, DOCTOR"
says Foote, "and put your poems
where your irons are" The then
Duke of Cumberland, it seems, came
one night into the greenroom of the
Haymarket Theatre, and accosting
the English Aristophanes: "Well,
Foote,' said he, "here / am, ready as
usual to swallow all your good things"
Really" replied Foote, "your royal
highness must have an excellent di-
gestion, for you never bring any up
again. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A romantic incident recently oc-
cured in prosperous London suburb.
A devoted young High Church curate
of interesting appearance and great
popularity in his district was waited
upon by young lady of considerable
attractions, but with an air Of deep
melancholy, and clad in somewhat as
cetic garb. After some confusion and
the shedding of tear, she revealed
to him that she had ventured to visit
him on a matter deeply affecting her
happiness, she feared her life. She
conceived deep, a passionate love for
the curate himself. She knew, she
said, that her passion was hopeless ;
he, in his devotion to the church, for
which she loved him all the more,
had vowed himself to life of celiba-
cy, and she would resignedly carry
her attachment to the grave, which
she felt was not far off. But there
was one kindness which it was in his
power to grant her, the remembrance
of which would bring consolation to
her dark and weary path. Would he,
before they parted forever, give her
one kiss J? After some timidity and
agitation the young curate, touched
with pity, complied. The lady shed
another tear, bade him a&eu in hol-
low voice, and she departed. A few
days afterward he received neat lit
tie parcel gracefully tied with a piece
of blue ribbon, and ON opening it
found an instantaneous photograph
cabinet size) Of himself kissing the
young lady. Accompanying this was
communication from the fair Great
ure herself that there were eleven
more copies, and that he might have
the whole dozen at twenty pounds
apiece. Should he not be in want of
them it was her intention to dispose
of them in another quarter.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Speaking of these early marriages
/ am reminded of good story told OF
Justice of PEACE of an adjoining
township. A couple somewhat ad-
vanccd in years appeared before him
armed with a marriage license and de-
sired to be married. The venerable
squire, as the story runs, debated in
his mind whether he should open the
exercises by prayer or by set speech.
He decided in favor Of the latter, and
spoke as follows: "My young friends,
you are about to undertake one of the
darndest undertakings, that you ever
undertook to undertake. Charles V.
Babcock, in Pontiac Bill Poster.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A Nebraska editor Zone of the
hard-shell persuasion, probably plac-
ed the following inscription upon his
wife's tombstone: "To the memory
of Tabitha, wife of Moses Skinner,
Esq, gcntlemanly editor of the Bu-
gle. A kind mother and exemplary
wife. Terms, 50 year invariably in
advance. Office over Coleman's gro
Gerry, up two flights. Knock hard.
We shall miss thee, mother; we shall
miss thee mother; we shall miss thee,
mother. Job printing solicited
Exchange.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18
Mark Twain's Cat Story.

When | was fourteen years old /
lived with my parents who were very
poor, and correspondingly honest.
We had youth living with us by
the name of Jim Wolfe. He was de-
cidedly fine fellow, II years old and
very diffident. He and / usually
slept together, and on one very cold
winters night our daughter Mary,
my sister-she's married now-gave
what they called candy pulling in
those days, out West. and they took
the saucers of hot candy outside of
the house into the snow, under sort
of old bower that came out from the
eaves-it was q sort Of ell then all
covered with vines-to cool the hot
candy in the snow and they were all
sitting around there, swapping spit
and pulling candy, and in the mean
time Jim and were gone to bed; we
were not invited to attend the party
we were too young. The young
ladies and gentlemen were assembled
there, and we were in bed. There
was about four inches of snow on the
roof of the ell and our window look
ed out on it, and it was frozen hard.
A couple of tom-cats-it is possible
one might have been of the opposite
sex-werc assembled on the chimney
in the middle of the ell, and they
were holding sort of protracted
meeting, growing at fearful rate,
and switching their tails around and
going on, and We couldn't sleep at all.
Finally Jim said:
"For two cents I'd 60 up there and
snake them cats off that chimney"
So / said: "Of course you would"
He said: "I've a mighty good no
ton to do it now, anyhow, mister
smarty."
Said L: "Of course you have, GER
tainly you have; you have a great
notion to do it." l hoped he might
try it but was afraid he wouldn't.
Finally l did get his ambition up,
and he raised the window and climb
ed out on that icy roof, with nothing
on but his socks and shirt so short
that l dread to mention it. He went
climbing along on all fours ON the
roof toward the chimney were the
cats were.
In the meantime the young ladies
and gentlemen were enjoying them
selves under the caves.
When Jim reached the chimney he
arose to his feet, leaned around the
corner, holding on by one hand and
made pass at the cats. He missed
his aim, lost his hold on the chimney,
and his heels few up, and he shot
down and crashed through those vines,
and lit kersmack in the midst of the
ladies and gents, and sat down in
those hot saucers of candy.
There was a general stampede of
course, and Jim came upstairs drop
ping pieces Of china and candy all
the way up, and when he got up there
now, anybody else in the world
would have gone into profanity, or
something calculated to relieve the
mind, but he didn't-he scraped the
candy off his legs with chip nursed
his blisters little and said /:
II could have ketched them cats if
1 had had on a good ready"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18
Ayers Sarsaparila

Tor Rhsumatism, with entire success and,
after careful observation, declares that, In
his belief, there is no medicine In the world
equal 10 10 for the cure Of Liver Disorders,
0out, the effects OF high living, Salt
Rheum, Bores, Eruptions, and ali tho
various forms Of blood diseases.
We have Mr. LxLANp's permission to invite
al who may desire further evidence In regard
70 the extraordinary curative powers OF
Arms sARsArARILLA to see him person
ally either at his mammoth Ocean Hotel.
Long branch. or ct the popular Leland Hotel.
broadway, nth and 2sth Streets, New Ysrk.
Mr.. LxLArD's extensive knowledge Of tho
good done By this unequalisd eradicstor Of
blood poisons enables him 70 give inquirezs
much valuable information. - K
PREPARED gr -7r... /.SA
Dr.. .J.c.Ayer& Co., Lowell, Macs.
so'd by all prussissI q. sis hssu~ NJ eAl
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

1t has been discovered that the an
cient Greeks were fond of griddlc
cakes. 1t has been maintained by
many that griddle cakes are unwhole-
some. Now we know it. The an
cient Greeks are all dead. Griddlc
cakes undoubtedly did it.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A Chicago critic revives the old
SANDER that "Henry Irving's legs are
poems" They may say what they
please about Henry's legs, but, un-
like most poems, his feet are all
right.-New York Graphic. This is
another mistake. One of them must
be left.-Traveler's Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Joseph Cook says that in A. d.
2400 the population of the United
States will be 3,2O0,OO0,000. Those
of our readers who contemplate GO
ing to the circus that year will do
well to purchase tickets at the down
town office and avoid the rush at the
wagon.-Boston Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

The Century for November last
asks: GLOW Shall we Elect our
Presidents'" The best way we know
of is to give them majority of the
votes, unless you have the counting
machinery.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

The girl who hangs on the gate
with her sweetheart says she hopes
gas will not get to be cheaper than
moonlight.-Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

There is nothing like DR.. Thomas
Eclectric Oil to quickly cure cold
or relieve hoarseness. Written by
Mrs. M. j. Fellows, Burr Oak, St.
Joseph CO., Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Were Solomon alive he might give
Sullivan some sound advice, such as
"Go to thy haunt, thou slug-hard.-
New York Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A cologne bath is sort of penny
dip. 1t is one for a scent.-N. o.
Picayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

1t is very easy thing, even for the
most ignorant man, to be an author
of note if his name is worth anything.
Merchant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

1t is said that there is a soft side to
every man. That's the reason dude
is afraid to stand on his head.-New
York journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

One of the crack military compan-
les of Houston was out last week
practicing target shooting. One of
the members was told to shoot at the
door of deserted barn. He did so,
but missed the entire barn. The
captain was very angry, and told the
young man how bad it would be, in
case the enemy were shooting from
behind the door, that none of them
would be hit. Eyes, and wouldn't the
hostile enemies that were coming
around the corner Of the barn catch
fits 2" replied the Texas Bogardus.-
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Who would venture on the the jour
ney of life if compelled to begin at
the end Mime. de Maintenon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A Madison street girls answer to
the current conundrum: "Will the
coming man work :" is: "He will if
/ get him."-Wilmington Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

"a scientific Frenchman says he
has discovered a new process for
making artificial brains," said Mrs.
Wigglesworth, looking up from the
paper she was reading. Artificial
brains" shifted Mr.. Wigglesworth,
scornfully; "that's just like those
nonsensical Frenchmen, always fool
ing away their their time making
something artificial. What l want is
real brains-none of your make be-
lief nonsense" Mrs. Wigglesworth,
as she resumed her paper, demurely
murmured that she had noticed il too,
but she never should have dared to
speak of it herself. And Mr.. Wig
ellsworth rubbed his head in a dazed
sort of fashion, and wondered if he
really had expressed himself just as
he meant to.-Rockland Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A baby carriage is pretty sure to
be struck by a squall.-Lowell Cour-
Ter
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Cut down-the result of his first
Globe.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Mormons ought to be good sailors
they have SO much marry.time ex-
perience.-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

There's one line that every woman
delights to hang on-thc masculine.
Waterloo Observer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

A man who makes money hand
over fst-the prize fghter.-Louis-
Vile Courier Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

Alonzo asks for cure for love.
Marriage, Alonzo, marriage.-Nor-
ristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Mary had pair Of akates
All nickle plated DER,
And every time she put them on
She fell upon the floor.
She took 'em to the rink one day
And loaned 'om TO boy,
Aud when he sat upon his spine
She jumped and laughed with Joy.
Norristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18

An Independent Newspaper Of Dem
cratic Principles, but not Controlled b
ny Set Of Politicians or Manipulators
Devoted to Collecting and Publishing al
he News Of the Day in the most Inter
sting Shape and with the greatest pos
ible Pomptness Accuracy and Impair
iaIity; and to the Promotion Of Demo
ratio Ideas and Policy in the affairs
sovenment, Society and Industry.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-03-18
MICHIGAN CENT.!R!AL
The Niagara Falls Route.
MAIN LINE.

Arrival and departure of trains noted below as
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09
Personal.


Mr.. A. J. McFier, Of MeXia, is ia the
city.
Ed. Leachman, of the Waco Exam
iner is in the city.
w, Il. Parry, city secretary, left YES
day for Austin to be absent several
days.
Lieutenant Governor Gibbs, arrived
home yesterday morning, and viii be- in
his Office to-day.
Il. Z. Kelley, formerly secretary Of
the Board Of Trade now q resident Of
Cleburne, is III the city on a flying visit.
$. b. Wickens, travelling representa-
tive Of the st. Louis Globe Democrat. is
in the city looking lively after the in
terest of that paper.
Mr.. +. b. Fouke, popular travel.
ing salesman of a st. LIus house, has
accepted position with the South
western Land company.
Miss Mary Guitlot, the poetesa of the
Press association left last evening for
Galy estOn, to attenS the annual meeting
which conyenes Tuesday.
c. h. Gilbert, editor of the Abilene
Reporter and secretary of the Texas
Press association, passed through the
city Yesterday enroute 20 Gayeston 10
attend the annual meeting.
w. l. Hall, president OF the Texas
Press association, left on last evenings
south bound train over the Houston Il
Texas Central road for Galveston, 10
preside over the association which con-
venes Tuesday,
r. S. Kimbrough, member of the leg
lslature from this county, arrived in the
city last night, On route TO Huntsville,
whore he will meet the other members
OF tho Joint committee on penitentia-
ries, which meets the re on Tuesday.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09
MlSSlONARYlNG

II Is said that. war is a great mission.
airy. That 1t precedes christianity and is
an evangelizor. II may be, but certainly
there are very notable exceptions 10 tho
rule oil It's successful conversion of people
from their faith. Tho Roman mythology
did not extend rs far as the eagles were
carried nor does IL appear tina, Gaul, Ger
many or any of the eastern conquests of
the imperial city ever submitted their
faith TO the conquerors. The lessons of
the past, thon give no encouragement 10
tho philanthroplst or roligionist who
hopes for outstanding Mongolians or
Arabs through the fearful and heroic
treatment OF bloody war.
The experiment has been tried 80 Of.
tea before that II would seem absurd at
this day to predict any different result.
No amount of sincere devotion seems TO
avail against the ldolstry Of q people
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09

toward closer relations between the
sections.
In It's southwark journey the bell
passed through the present home of JET
ierson Davis, who accompanied it "a
New Orleans, and the occasion seemed
to draw from his lips the first public ex-
preston of patriotism since the war.
At last, even his impla-
cability melted. The brief address
which called him out did not come from
representative of either Philadelphia
or New Orleans, the north or the south.
Ii was neither quaker nor creole, Yam
kee nor johnnie" but thoroughly and
prominently national. The president
OF the United States Commissioners as
| ISOLATION was the speaker, and he spoke
IN behalf of that association, a body
composed of one representative from
each state and territory in the union
There was in the address no condoning
OF treason, but simply the voice of the
American people bidding the south to
forget the past and join in the great ma
tlonal march. That bell starts echoes in
every Intelligent citizens heart OF the
days whom there was neither north nor
south, but one common impulse of lib
erty. 1t is true that New Orleans had
no part in that struggle, but Mr.. Davis
! y
when in the darkest day of the war for
| independence that old bell was removed
from Philadelphia TO Bethlehem for
safe keeping, il was a detachment of
southern troops, under southern COM
mander that guarded it and gave il
safe escort. 1t is worthy of note, also,
that the president of The association,
Col. Bacon, is the commissioner from
bleeding Kansas" HIS military title
having be9n won in the war for the
union in one Of the regiments of his
naive state o. Ohio.
Thus far nature has not favored the
New Orleans exposition. The rainfall
has been unusually heavy, serving to
cast over everything wet blanket, and
| at best that city would have many dis
advantages to contend with as compared
with Philadelphia; but February, March
and April, bleak months at the North
are the most delightful Of all the year in
that city. Magnolias and sunny balm
take the place OF mud and clouds, aud it
is not too much to expect that cheer in
place of gloom will date from the install
lation ofthe old liberty bell, with all IFS
hallowed and inspiring associations,
memories and suggestions.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09

EVERYONE knows that dispatches
sent out by any government regarding
battles and disasters are never reliable.
From the best information obtainable
the conclusion will be arrived at that
Col. WILSON'S two steamers reported
stranded were disabled if not sunk by
the forces of Ell MAHDI, and that the
third and only remaining one, in which
he was able to effect a landing ON an
island in the Nile, cannot proceed in
either direction. Col. STEWART and
his party are hemmed in by the Arabs
and extraordinary efforts are being
made by LORD BEREsFoRD to rescue
them. 1t would not surprise any one, if
Col. WILSON and his entire command
were captured. GEN. STEWARDS army
is also in precarious condition, and
without relief is speedily afforded them
they may have to succomb to superior
numbers. 1t is now subsisting on short
rations and the men may be forced to
greater extremities.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09
Liberty Roll At the snnth.

The formal reception OF the old Lib
orty bell at the Words fair In New
orleans occurred yesterday. 1t was the
notable event of the exposition thus far
not excepting the opening itself. Evi.
IDENTITY a tender chord In the southern
heart was touched by that battered and
broken relic Of revolutionary days. Its
cracked sides respond TO the touch OF
the hammer In tone hOarse with age,
but eloquent IN its patriotic associations.
If Faneull hall was the cradle of lib.
erty, that bell was the infants hrst rat
tie box.
The poet who sung OF love as lord OF all
suggested In dim outline the deepest aud
most far-reaching truth of all philoso-
ply. The great thinkers who have ig-
nored or moderated its power have
gone far astray In their calculations.
In no respect is this more emphatic-
ally true than In affairs o. state. Toe
cohesive power that binds nation
together into one people under one gov.
ornment IN the pathos of patriotism
rather than tho cold analysis of proba.
BILE advantage. AS n consequence any
thing, no matter what, which serves 10
! rekindle the smoldoring embers ot love
of country must bo accounted auspi-
cious.
The New Orleans EXPOSITION Is in
deed an International affair, under ma
tlonal auspices, but it Is also, aud enl-
phatically, southern. The city of It's
location Is the commercial capital OF
the south. Charleston, Savannah, and
Mobile are no longer rivals.
10 sustains TO the south much the
same Representatives relation that
Chicago does TO the Northwest. The
expoIiion management is local, and
consequently southern. When, there
fore, Philadelphia decided to loan the
degree an act OF fraternity, movement
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1885-02-09
SIDEWALK NOTES.

There are quite a number of strangers
in the city.
The real estate market continues NC
tive. Several large sales arc on the
tapis.
Ernenwoin still holds the fort, and is
doing painting and paper hanging
cheaper thau ever; So Main Street.
The burglar proof wire screen, is now
on exhibition at the Office OF Henry
CARAT, electrician, SO3 Main street,
Dallas.
Ed. Aston keeps the celebrated Geo.
p. Plants "a / Patcut flour The finest
made. Try it once and you will mover
use any other.
j. ~. Swan, the well kown dairyman,
leaves this morning for Mckinney on
urgent business, and will be absent Il
couple of days. Il customers are
missed by his substitute in the delivery
of milk he viii make amends for it ON
his return,