Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-04-27
WIT AND NCNIOK.

IL was WHY ITlsnIuun WHO ulsCON-
cred that borseradish was strong
enough to have been named after
mule.
A man has been arrested in Toledo
for imprinting Lake Erie kiss on
the lips OF a young woman. Probably
she wanted a superior" kind.
1t is said that the rollcr-skating fever
is abating in Maine, and the rinks are
being captured by the Salvation Army
and canning factory corporations.
When poet dashes off poem and
puts it on the editors desk, the editor
usually dashes it off and puts it in the
waste basket. N. B.--Poets please OBJ
serve this carefully.
Girl graduates in England wear
gowns precisely like those worn by the
university men. and made by the same
tailor. The only way to tell which
from tother is to wait for mouse.
There are so many Bill Joneses in
Idaho that, whenever any of them has
committed crime, the lynchers are
puzzled to know which to string up.
In such an emergency they usually
hang the one nearest to hand.
The fact that all the peach blossoms
have been killed and the fact that next
summer we will have just as many
peaches as ever lead to only one infer
ence, and that is that peaches do not
grow on peach-trees. Boston PosS.
Mother-Are you quite sure. dear,
that young Featherly is quite fond of
you? He certainly seemed very de-
voted last night when he buttoned your
glove. Daughter-Ah, yes, mother;
but his hand never trembled.-N. y
Sun.
Two Americans in London: II won.
der why every one is so happyp" asks
one. '.Don't you knowp" the other
one replies. "An Arab has just been
found dead in the Soudan, and it is sup
posed that the British killed him. "
Arkansaw 7rdreler.
"lf man wants to own the earth,
what does woman want" inquired
Mr.. Gap of his better half, after a little
family matinee, few days ago. "Well,
my dear" responded that lady in a
gentle tone, "to own the man. l sup
! pose. "-Boston Post.
Fashionable wife-Did you notice,
dear, at the party last evening, how
grandly our daughter Clara swept into
the room? Husband with a grunD-
o, yes, Clara can sweep into a room
grandly enough, but when it comes to
sweeping out room she isn't there. -
N. Y. sun.
Scene on horse-car: Passenger
Conductor, what are we being delay
ed forp" Conductor Misplaced
switch, SIR Little boy in the rear
"Well! that is what told mother this
morning when she gave me such a
whaling" Passengers in chorus all
smiling and satisfied.
"A man never knows" says Boston
writer, "when an idea is going to strike
him. OF its arrival he has no intellect.
ual premontion. That's fact, and
the majority of men never know that
an idea has struck them. Probably it
is because they are SO unaccustomed to
the habits of an idea that they don't
know when it has arrived.
Traveller.
A little boy on returning from Sum-
day-school recently, when asked by his
iholhSis w nav " hS thC SolOCI IcAlT
instantly replied: "Hold crater TO
Solomon's ear" For a moment the
mother was puzzled, and then could
not restrain her laughter as the true
text came to her-"Behold greater
one than Solomon is here Children
get strange notions and need plain
words and clear thoughts.
Boots Mended While You Wait. ~
Credulous party fhanding in his boots)
Look sharp. now, and I'll wait. !"
Shoemakor-''We're so full of work
you cant have 'em under couple of
days" Credulous party-"A couple
of days! Why, you rascally old hui !.
bug! you have got it stuck up in your
window that you mend 'em while YOU
wait" Shoemaker-"Jist SO; and Il
you Il walt couple OF days you.n nave
'em."
Colonel jeff Thompson, engineer on
the first train that ran into Greenville,
states that as he entered town he saw
large man standing near the track with
an open umbrella as a protection from
the heavy rain that was falling. With
spice of mischief he asked the large
man to close the umbrella, SO as not to
frighten the train from the track
Whereupon the large man hastily
closed his blue umbrella and watched
the proceedings with head uncovered
to the pelting rain. -Greenvtiie (Ga.)
Indicator.
Chicago actress-Oh, Mr. Bootman,
| just heard the sweetest thing about
Miss De Stella, the New York actress.
She wears in one play pair of slippers
made OF hair from her own head. Could
you make pair like that9 Mr.. Boot
man fashionable shoemaker)-I never
tried it, but believe ! can do it. 81
am so glad. | have the combings at
my room. Make them in any style you
choose. Remember, | give you carte
blanche" "Oh, any kind of a cart will
do. Send one load around this morn
ing to commence on"
"Horatius," said the school mistress
to a 9-year-old boy with two imposing
freckles on the knees of his pants,
"Horatius, please form a sentence with
the word toward in it and write the
sentence on the board" Horatius
w"nt to the board, and, after much
scratching OF head and friction of brain,
printed with the crayon, in letters that
looked like lot Of half-feathered
Shanghai chickens running after piece
Of dough, the following sentence: IL
toward my trousers. "-LeWiston Jour
nal.
General Albert Pixies ability to eat
is still wonder to his friends Years
ago he made reputation in this line,
and he ia one of the few men wbnsa
early promises have ripened. Recent
ly, while visiting in Little Rock. he
took dinner at the capital hotel. When