davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

side, boy was born who, at the time of his
birth, had FOUR grandparents and five great
grandparents alive, each of whom wss in ac-
tive work, earning his or her own livelihood.
Yet the village where these hale and hearty
crandsires and granddameS live and flourish
is one of the most unsanitary in England
Open sewers run down the center of some of
the streets Until few years ago the water
supply was from one shallow well Only
one solitary scavenger is employed on half
time for cleansing, repairing. and maintain
ing all the streets. Houses have been con
demned wholesale as unfit for human habita-
fion, to the intense disgust of the people.
Yet, notwithstanding all these adverse con
ditions, these families live and thrive vigor-
ously.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
ENTERTAINING A uoNDONER.
The Fish Story Gives Way to One About
Oystcrk

Oystcrk
Philadelphia Times1
"Did you ever hear of the joke some New
Workers played on a famous fish dealer of
London a while agoi Well, let me tell you
about it
This man, Of course, was familiar with
oysters, but had never seen any Of our
champions; 50 some of the friends to whom
he brought letters determined to show him
what co I'D be done in America in the way
of oysters and clans i believe there were
about twenty at the dinner and after the
soups the door was thrown open with a
bang and with much confusion two walters
appeared bearing an enormous plate upon
which were q dozen oysters on the half
shell Each one was over thirteen inches in
length, being the famous Long Fox
oysters from Old Point Com ort. One would
have served a man for three meals. The dish
was finally placed in front of the astonished
fish-monger, who anxiously inquired If it was
the custom Of one man to eat so much, and
% many. He was answered that it was and
was gravely informed that they would give
him an appetite for the clans, with which
the walters were now struggling. They were
the celebrated Groducks, that have been
quite lately discovered on the northwest
coast, and you can imagine the effect when l
tell you that each one was over a foot long,
eight inches wide, and some were ten, and
all weighed from six to eight pounds. A
dozen Of these steamed were placed before
him by the two men
"'Ye don't expect M to eat all this, do
yer he shouted.
Eat itr retorted the chairman, why,
bless your soul, that's what we take to give
us an appetite for the deviled clam,' and at
that moment three walters came in bearing
the shell of the great clam known as the Fri
dacna, an East Indian clam. The one valve
that the men brought IN weighed 80 pounds
and was filed with lobster salad. This was
lifted upon the table that creaked and
groaned again. This finished the English
man. He pushed back his chair, and no
body knows what he was going to do or say,
when all hands burst out into a roar Of
laughter, and being jolly fellow he saw the
joke and joined the Others in laughing
over itn
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
How Cotton Burns.

lAmer1cus VGa-l Recorder.J
@Um, yum, smell burnt cotton" said q
cotton buyer in front of Toole, McGarran &
Tondee's warehouse several days age.
"Here it is" said another buyer, picking
up handful of scorched cotton which was
lying on the ground. There is no fire in it,
though" he added careIsssly.
@How fast will cotton burnp asked TO
porter, who was standing by.
ut will burn faster than anything know
Of" said the buyer as he turned the stapjs
around in his hand, and examined it "Jut
to show you-here," and he picked up hand
full Of clean cotton and handed it to the re-
porter snow wad that up tight and put
your cigar to it. Then fold it up and put
your hands over it
The reporter did so. The moment the cigar
was applied the cotton caught and the fire be-
gan to sink down like drill into the hand
full. He closed his hands over it, and in a
short time it became so hot that he was una
BILE to hold it. Picking up another handful he
wrapped it around the fire, and, holding it
tightly in both hands, succeeded in crushing
out the fire, as he thought When it was
again opened, however, it began to burn as
hard as Over.
at is almost impossible to put the fire out
when once it catches cotton. The closer a
bale is packed the faster will it burn. 1t don't
spread out like anything else, but burTs di
rectly to the center, and consumes the inside
of the bale first l remember once in Savan-
nah on the wharf, where was billing some
compressed bales, that all at once a boy
yelled at Inc, and looking around saw a
bale l had just passed fall to pieces and
flames begin to come from it By
good luck the fire got no fur
ther That bale, probably, had been
burning couple of days. Gin-houses
are often burned up by the pickers
smoking in the field and letting spark drop
into cotton basket. 1t is dumped into the
wagon and then into the Clubhouse, and does
not get fairly started before night, and be-
fore any one knows it, the gin-house is on
fire and burnt.
big fires in warehouses" he continued,
"are often caused by careless drivers, who
smoke as they drive the cotton to town.
sThe tiniest kind of spark will sink into a
bale, and if not discovered will burn thous-
ands of dollars worth of cotton That is
why buyers. always carry as much insur-
ance as they can get There is NO telling
when big fire is going to occur"
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
initiating Their Elders

They were walking down Davenport street
. few days ago. Neither spoke The pair
had evidently had a lovers quarrel Her
face was stem and her nose half an inch
above the ordinary height He was glum
and misers bic. Tears seemed ready to start
in his eyer. The full width of the sidewalk
separated them Several persons passed and
looked amused. Suddenly he burst into tear
and ran across the street. She looked sad
and lonely, but her teeth were firmly set To-
gethsr and not a sound did she utter. A
gentleman spoke kindly to her, and, bursting
into tears, she cried: "Artie's runned off an
ler me, oh dsar!" He was not over 6 or
years Of age; she, possibly 5. They had been
sweethearts, but had had the usual luck
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

ICLuCdSO HtFdIuI
An interesting ruin in Mexico is thus de
scribed: The hill is about TOO feet
high, and half way up there is layer Of
gypsum, which is as white as snow and may
be cut into any conceivable shape yet suffi-
GENTLY hard to retain its shape after being cut
In this layer Of stone are cut hundreds upon
hundreds of rooms from 6xl0 to 16x1S feet
square So even and true are the walls,
floor, and ceiling, so plumb and level, as to
defy variation There are no windows in the
rooms, and but one entrance, which is al
ways from the top. The rooms are but eight
feet high from floor to ceiling, the stone
is SO white that it seems almost transparent,
and the rooms are not at all dark.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Changed His Mind About Her.
New York Star.l

New York Star.
u shall never call on Mrs Smith again.
said Mrs. Jones. II never want to see her
any more"
You women are very foolish to quarrel
over trihes," said Mr.. Jones' Mrs Smith
is very pleasant person, a little talkatiye,
perhaps, but on the whole very estimabs
woman You shouldn't attach any import.
ance to what she says What was the
trouble
"She said you weren't very prompt in pay.
ing your dsbtsn
@Well, by thunderl' shouted Jones, jump
ing to his feet, Il would give SIS if she wers
a man for Just ten minutes"
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
A Serious Mistake.
New York Sun. !

The only serious mistake lever made dur
ing my professional career" remarked a ply
sician, "was when cut the wrong leg of a
patient 1t resulted in his losing both legs,
poor fellow"
Il suppose when he learned of your mistake
he became very indignant and made a great
kick, didn't her
We'll, yes, he became very indignant, but
he didn't make great kick"
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Nothing I'm the Paper.

Wife tsarcasticallyl- you have
learned the morning paper by heart, m;
dear, would be glad of a chance to look il
over, but I'm not in any hurry; oh, no.
Husband tossing it across the table, -
Take it, there is no news IN it; nothing OF
any Importance, whatever.
Wife glancing it over)-I do not under
stand what u mean by no news of import
ance. Here is a statement to the effect that
Smith Brothers have reduced their IS blacb
silk to 81. Isn't that news Of Importance
Husband-Not TO us
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
The Admiral's Pun.
tChicago Tribune !


Admiral Duncan's address TO the officers OF
his fleet, when they came on board his ship
for his final instructions previous to the
memorable engagement with Admiral de
Winter, was couched in the following laconic
and humorous manner: Gentlemen of my
fleet, you see very severe Winter fast
approaching and have only to advise you
to keep good fire."
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
A Sly Darkey.
Texas SiftinNl

"Does you know John Jacksonl" asked jim
Webster of Pete Simpson.
Al should say does know him. He is an
awful sly cuss"
What has he eber done dat was 50 berry
smartf"
The other day seed him walking along
on the opposite side Of Austin avenue
called out, John, yoI John' two or three
times The 'niggah made out rs If he didn't
hear me. overtuck hlm and cotched him
by de arm, and dang my buttons, il he
wasn't anudder niggah entirely. You bel
he am a sly one"
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

ruI silence WAIVER, gratefully we,-
come to the ear. Should a family desire tc
move to a distant part Of the country, to
trade or visit another tribe, preparations are
made months, and sometimes a year before
hand. Dogs are purchased and trained, and
finally the start is made when the ice is
hard The Esquimaux are hospitable to
strangers. Their religion is fraught with
superstition. They believe in good and bad
spirits, who either protect and bring good
luck or cause sickness and misfortune They
also believe in the existence of the human
spirit after death
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

There is a firm Of female architects in
London which does a fiourishing business.
They manage to put several closet in every
room
The chief the Swiss federal bureau OF sta
tistics estimates that in the year 2oVo the
United States will contain population OF
600 600 600. Think of waiting for the cleo
ton returns In those days We feel reea
sorry for our poStsrity.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Reporters at the Day Of Judgment.
TSt Paul Pioneer Press

A Presbyterian doctor of divinity once
said to me at a general assembly, "You
newspaper men must have queer views OF
things. You are always looking on and
never taking part. Your knowledge and
habits Of thought must be very circumferen
tial and superficial l suppose, now, you
idea Of the day Of judgment is that you vii
have a table off at one side and report th4
proceedings for the morning paSer."
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
ROCCO
TAlgernon Charles Swipburnel

LAlgernon Charles Swinburnel
Take hands, and part with laughter;
Touch lips, and part with tears;
Once more and no more after,
Whatever comes with years.
We twain shall not re-measure
The ways that left us twain,
Nor crush the lees of pleasure
From sangulne grapes Of pain.
We twain once well in sunder.
What will the mad gods do
For hate with me, wonder,
Or what for love of youi
Forget them till November,
And dream there's April yet;
FORGE that | remember,
And dream that i forget
Time found our tired love sleeping,
And kissed away his breath;
But what should we do weeping,
Though light love sleepto to deathi
We have drained his lips at leisure,
Till there's not left to drain
A single sob OF pleasure,
A single throb Of pain
Dream that the lips once breathleSs,
Night quicken If they would;
Say that the soul is deathless;
Dream that the gods are good;
Say March may wed September,
And time divorce regret:
But not that you remember,
And not that forget
We have heard from hidden places
What love scarce lives and hears;
We have seen on fervent faces
The pallor of strange tears;
We have trod the wlne-vats treasurs,
Whence, ripe TO steam and stain,
Foams round the feet Of pleasure
The blood-red must of pain
Remembrance may recover,
And time brsng back to time
The name Of your first lover,
The ring of my first rhyme;
But rose-ieaves Of December
The frosts of June shall fret,
The day that you remember,
The day that l forget.
The snake that hides and misses
In heaven, we twain have known
The grief of cruel kisses,
The joy whose mouth makes NOAH;
The pulses pause and measure,
Wher e in one furtive vein
Throbs through the heart of pleasure
The purpler blood Of pain
We have done with tears and tressoaS
And love for treason's sake;
Room for the swift new seasons,
The years that burn and break
nismantle and dismember
Mems days and dreams, Juliette;
For love may not remember,
But time VIII not forget
Life treads down love in flying,
Time withers him at root:
Bring all dead things and dying,
Reaped sheaf and ruined fruit.
Where, crushed by three days pressun
Our three days love lies slain;
ard earlier leaf of pleasure,
And latter flower of pain.
Breathe close upon the ashes,
Ii may be flame will leap;
Unclose the soft close lashes,
Lift up the lids and weep.
Light loves eXtinguished ember,
Let one tear leave il wet,
For one that YOU remember,
And ten that you forgot
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
The Crestfallen Beggar.

A man armed with a clarionet stopped be-
fore shop door. Sir" said the beggar,
swould you mind giving me trifie! then /
won't deafen you with my music, but go off
at once" Not at all, my good man. Play
on; it makes no difference to me and it will
amuse the children" "Well, you see, SIR"
said the crestfallen musician, the fact is
don't know how to play" Then what's the
use of your clarioneti' ats merely to
frighten folks with"
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Crazy on Pumpkins.

lEXcnange.
A man start i TO ride home from San Jose,
Cal His road lay for miles through fields of
pumpkins and squashes. The constant
pumpkin panorama finally dethroned his
reason, and he reached home a maniac, cry
ing: See the squashes, see the squashes!'
He had to be strait jacketed and sent to the
asylum
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Went OF With a Bang.

Exchange.
A few days ago some dry sage on the bat
tle-feld of Missionary ridge, near Chat
tanooga, Tenn, took fire and the flames
spread with great rapidity. A stump soon
blazed up and in a few seconds a roar like
thunder reverberatei down the valley, and
the stump was blown into 10000 pieces In
vestigation developed the fact that three
shells were imbedded in the stump and ex-
ploded from the heat
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
New Orleans Picayune: A boy with
mustache does not feel down in the mouth
His down Is not long enough
The Boy that Watched the Pot.

The Boy that Watched the Pot.
Exchanged
In certain village in Maryland q small
boy kicked up breeze in the parish church
last Sunday. 1t seems that a certain good
woman bought q calls head and put it on to
boil, leaving her little boy 70 mind it while
she went to the church close by.
The minister had reached his filthy, my
brethren, when a small boy stuck his head
in the door and whispered:
Mammal"
The good woman recognized her son in
stantly, and began to make signs for him to
leave the door.
Mammal again came the whisper, this
time little louder than before
The mother shook her finger at the boy
warningly, and INDUCED in familiar panto-
r0ims with which she was accustomed to awe
her SON. But it didn't work worth cent
The boy was excited and in dead earnest, as
the denouement will show. Raising his
voice he shouted:
Mamma, you needn't wink and blink at
me, but you'd better come right away, for
the calfs head is buttin' all the dumplins out
of the pot.n
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
The Private Letter.
NOrriStoWn Herald

INOrT1StoWn Herald.
The private letter always beats the public
letter in getting into print. The more
private" it is, the more certain it is to be
published. A letter the writer wants de-
szoyed should never be marked private"
The fruit crop OF the country Is estimated
b b worth $l4O, 900 900.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

Give ME the jolly, rollicking liar, to whom
the habit comes so natural that he almost
believes he is telling the truth. His words
fall upon the saddle-faps on the side of our
heads with that soft, gentle effect we expert
ence when We disappear headforemost into
barrel of soft soap. He does not distort
truth particularly for the purpose of deceiv-
ing his hearers. He has a heart as big as a
Connecticut ham, and is sincerely mourned
when LIE departs for Liars Rest
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Due to the Toughening Qualities.

A statistician has found that the average
age Of men in the past forty years has ad-
vanced three years. This is partially due to
the toughening q ualities in the modern adul-
Iteration of foods and liquors Logwood
port wine, molasses whisky, oleomargarine,
glucose, cotton oil, and other vegetable and
mineral constituents of the refreshmsnt
supplies were strangers to the good old
Q
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

ICHCASO Herald.
A Georgia man has captured 100 'possums
this season. His triumph is tempered some
what, though, by the fact that he hauled in
Two polecats by mistake. Before he had got
through with them he thought he had cap.
sured 100 polecats and two 'possums.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
How "Nasbyv IoOks

TEXCLldIge.I
Everybody has heard of Nasty" ID. r.
Lockel of The Toledo Blade, but few .ould
imagine how he looks He is the shaggiest
and most uncouth specimen of manhood that
can well be thought Of He is short and
very broad, and his face is a red, red sun.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

Whenever a farmer gets labor-saving
implement for himself, let him think il
some thing to save his wife from kitchen
labor cannot also bs secured If so, he might
postpone the day Of his widowh0od
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
"ouId Rather He'd Stay Awsv.
lArkansaw Traveller. ]


"Look heah, Ransom" said an old negro N
young fellow. Il doan' min yer 'sociatiu'
Wild my daughter, but druther yer wouldn,
come roun' my house no mo-. Time fore de
las what yer wus heah missed er water
bucket, an de las time de bride wus gone.
an now, ez has a use fur de saddle, I
druther yer woulin' come heah don't saw
dat yer ain't homes, for b'lebes yer is; but
such cuis things happens while you is in the
neighborhood, 50 jeS' ter please er ole man.
what amt enjoyin' very good health, please
doan' come roun' dis house no mo-"
When the Dog Waa Asleep.
burlington Hawkeye.l
"Wen,' said George, Il must co. and
then he said good night with the Emma Alb
bo. attachment thereunto appertaining. III
you must, yoa musssd," replied Linda,
alook at my hair and rutaA" And hs
ERfasd
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
A Tired BOY,

"Oh, dear" yawned a little New York boy
after he had returned from church, II don't
wonder the world is so full of wickedness'
why sof' asked his astonshed mother
"Cause God picked out such q tedious day
for Sunday
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Advance in Civilization.

Buffalo Courier.
The cause Of civilization advance. Some
of the railway waiting room doors in Massa
chusets are now marked respectively
Men" and Women" instead Of Gentle
men" and Ladies'
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
A Little Ones Question.

Boston Times
MA, what do they give hens lime forr
@Oh, to make the shells OF their eggs"
"Well, did the hen that laid the golden egg
have her teeth filled like pa'sf
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Since the Organ Was Taken Out.

Detroit Free Press.
Boston's music hall echoes too much. A
snsezs from person in the audience goes
racing around the hall for Is seconds and
then lit s1msbody in the stomach.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

y [Pan Mall Gazette.l
Every now and then facts come to light
which seem TO conflict strangely with the
'eories of the doctors. For instance, st
.ovdon- q dirty. desolate viIla2e on Tvne-
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

year the remarkable number Of ninety-fouk
varieties Of wine grapes grown in that state.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
Words of Warning and Comfort.

Words of Warning and Comfort.
"If you are suffering from poor health or
languish on bed of sickness, take cheer
if you are simply siling, or if you feel
weak and dispirited,
without clearly know
ing why, Hop bitters
will surely cure you.
If YOU are a minister, and
have overtasked yourself with your
pastoral duties or a mother, worn out
with care and work, or man OF business or
labor weakened by the strains Of your everyday du-
ties, a man of letters toiing over your midnight
work, Hop Bitters will most surely strengthen you.
If you are suffering from over-eating or
drinking, any indiscretion or dissipation, or
are young and growing too fast, as is often
the case,
"Or If you are in the workshop, on the
farm, at the desk, anywhere, and feel
that your system needs cleansing. tom
ing, or stimulating, without intoxi-
eating, if you are old,
blood thin and impure, pulse
feeble, nerves unsteady. faculties
waning, Hop Bitters is what you need to
give you new life, health and vigor."
II you are costive, OF dyspeptic or suffer-
ing from any other of the numerous lis
eases of the stomach or bowels, il is your
own fault if YOU remain i'll. If
YOU are wasting away with any form
of Kidney disease stop tempting death this
moment, and turn for azure to Hop Bitters.
If you are sick with that terrible sickness,
Nervousness, you will find a Balm in Gilesd'
in Hop Bitters.
If you are frequenter, or a resiaent OF,
"a mia,matic district, barrieade your sys-
tenn against the scourge of all countries
Malaria, Endemic, Bilious and Inter
-mittent Fevers by the use Hop Bitters.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

If you are a frequenter, or a resideht of,
"a miasmatic district, barrieade your sys-
tenn against the scourge of all countries
Malaria, Epidemic, Bilious and Inter-
-mittent Feyers by the use Hop Bitters.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04
A Lady's Wish.

"Oh, how I do wish my skin was a, clear and
soft yours" said a lady to a friend. "You can
easily make il so" answered the friend. How"
inquired the frst lady.
by using Hop Bltters that makes pure, rich
blood and blooming health. 1t did it for me az
you observe.
~None genuine without a bunch Of
green Hops on the white Label. Shun ali the
vile, poisonous stuff With "Hop" or Hops"
in their name
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

own fault IL YOU remain ILL., III
YOU are wasting away with any form
of Kidney disease, stop tempting death this
moment and turn for azure to Hop Bitters.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

If you are sick with that terrible sickness,
Nervousness, you will find Balm in Gilesd'
in Hop Bitters.
Springfield globe-republic. (Springfield, Ohio) 1884-1887, 1885-01-04

II you are costive, OF dyspeptic or suffer-
ing from any other of the numerous lis
eases of the stomach or bowels, il is your