Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-02-15
woMAM.
Some Of the rribulations Is Compelled
to be Cheerful Under.

#L
Some Of the T~ribulafions She is Compelled
to be Cheerful Under.
Rerisod By q Women gr ne LoreU fiaes.
Il is Q dreadful bother to be o woman and
do the business up in good shape. In the
first place, you've got TO look well, or else
you're nobody. A man may be ever 30
homely and stiIl be popular. Whiskers
cover up the most of his face, and If ne has
q big mouth nobody mistrusts il, and IL ne
does wrinkle bad on his forehead his friends
speak Of his many cares and OF his thought
full disposition, and tell each other that his
wrinkles are lines of thought. Lines OF
thoHght, indeed, when in all probability his
forehead is Wrinkled by the bad habit he
has got Of scowling at his wife when the
coffee isn't strong enough.
A woman must always be in good order.
Her hair must always be frizzed and banged,
as fashion demands, and she must powder
if she has q shining skin; and she must
manage to look sweet, no matter how sour
she may feel; her dress must hang Just SO.
and her lace must always be spotless, and
her boot buttons always in place. and her
finger nails always clean; and then she
mustn't whistle, nor climb fences, nor stone
CATS, nor scold when she's mad.
She can't go out alone, because ladies
must be protected; she can't 90 anywhere
when it rains, because her hair won't stay
frizzed and she'll get mud on her petticoats
and things; she can't be a Free Mason, be-
cause she would tell their secrets and
everybody would knew all about the goat
and gridiron; she can't smoke, because that
would be unfeminine; she can 90 counting,
because that would not be womanly. But
she must get married before she is twenty
FIVE. or everybody will feel wronged. Peo-
pie will sigh over her, and wonder why 1t Is
that men don't seem to take" and all the
old maids and widows smile and keep quiet.
Oh, these smiles and these significant
looks! They are ten times more than open
ISLANDERS.
It is a terrible thing to be an old maid.
Everybody knows it is, and the women who
are marrid to drunken husbands, and who
manage to quarrel with them six days out
ofseven, will live in an agony of spirit over
the single women and call her that poor
old maid"
\ woman must marry rich or she doesn't
marry well" And to many well Is the
end and aim of a womsn's existence, judg-
ing from the view which people take Of this
matter. 1t is e~verybody's business whom a
woman marries. The whole neighborhood
put their heads together and talk over the
pros and cons and decide whether
she is good enough for him.
There is nothing said about his
being good enough for herr And they
cri,icise the shape of her nose, and relate
anecdotes of how lazy her grandfather was,
and how her Aunt Sally used to sell beans
and buttermilk. Awomau must wear No.
2 boots on No. 3 feet, and she must man
age to dress well on Is cents a week, and
she must not be vain, and she must be kind
to the poor, and she must go Regularly tothe
sewing society meetings, and be ready to
dress dolls and make tides and aprons for
church fairs. She must be a good cook,
and she must be able to do up" her hus
bands shirts so that the Chinese washer
man would groan with envy and gnash his
teeth with the same unholy passion at sight
of Them.
She must always have the masculine but
tons of thefamily sewed on so they will never
come off while in use, and she must keep
the family hosiery so that nobody would
ever mistrust there were toes in, the stock
ings while they were on. She must hold
herself in constant readiness to find every
thing her husband has lost-and a man
never knows where to find anything. He
will put his boots carefully away on the
parlor sofa, and when he has hunted for
them hall an hour he will suddenly appear
TO his wife with q countenance like an
a%yenging angel and demand, What in the
thunder she has done with his boots" She
must shut all the doors after her lord and
master, and likewise the bureau drawers,
for a married man was never known to
shut q drawer. 1t would be as unnatural
for a hen to 90 in Swimming for recrea-
ton.
She must 90 to bed, first in cold weather
so as TO get the bed warm. Her husband,
if he be a wise man, never asks her to do
this. Oh, no! but he sits To gust mniSn
this piece in tho paper, and waits TILL sne
has GOT the sheets to q comfortable temper
allure. All, there are a great many tricks
IN the trade of living together. A woman
is expected to take care ofthe baby even at
ter the first infantile wonder has multiplied
into a round half dozen. And if he doubles
up with the collie or trials of cutting teeth
or the necessary evils OF mumps and measles
and whooping cough and scarlet fever and
rash and throat distemper and short sleeves
and bare legs and pins sticking into
him and too much candy and a bad tenn
per, why her husband tells her that he
does wish she would try and quiet
her baby" and he SAYS it zoo as if he
thought she alone was responsible for its
being in existence and as if she was con-
sderabiy to blame for it too.
And when she has the headache nobody
thinks of miniing it-a woman's always
having the headache. And if she is "nerv-
Gus enough to fly" nobody shuts the door
any q%uieter, and nobody tucks her on the
lounge with a shawl over her or coddles her
to death as a man has to he coddlei under
such circumstances.
We might go On indefinitely with the trou-
bles of being a woman, and If there is a man
who thinks a woman has an easy time OF it,
why, Just let him pin on a pound Of false
hair and get inside OF a pair Of c~orsets, aud
put on a pulLbsck skirt, and be q woman