The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1885-04-08
VARIETIES.

child" "Well, if man is born in
Holland is he hole?"
Dobson says his friends seem deter
mined to give him the title of Dr. His
butcher, baker, and all the rest do so,
but they put DIR. after his name instead
of before it.
Uncle John-Well, Jimmy, have YOU
enjoyed yourself to-day? Jimmy-No, l
haven't. I've had miserable day. I'm
Gle John-Miserable day! How's that?
Jimmy-Aunt Betsy told me to eat all
the dinner / wanted, and l couldn't.
Young Gilpin, on returning from a
ride with his sweetheart, was asked
where he had been. "Oh, out riding
with a party" "Yes,' spoke up his
young brother, "and when / saw you
you We're supporting your party enthusi-
astically."
AS he gazed at her soft, rosy cheeks
with look of never-ceasing admiration,
he was impelled to remark: '1Your
cheeks are as beautiful as peach. :"
care they ripe" she asked innocently.
And he Immediately went out and bought
three for quarter.
''Can you tell me, said rich young
fop to poor, but beautiful girl, "why
it is that ladies nowadays look so much
to money in the matter of marriage ?"
She lookedh him cody over and answered:
Il suppose it is because they so seldom
find anything else in a man worth hav-
ing"
Little Prattler to Elderly Visitor -
Mamma says bahia has got my nose.
What does she mean, Mrs. GUNNER ?"
Elderly Visitor:-"She means that ba-
by's nose is like yours" Little Prattler:
"Then baby's got your mouth, hasn't
she? Cos she hasn't got any teeth in
it."
''I am soon to be your wife, Henry"
she murmured, holding his hand and
looking tenderly into his eyes-''your
own wife. will have perfect confidence
in you, but if ever find you speaking
to that white-faced Anna Maria Smith
I'll tear her eyes out. San Francisco
Chronicle.
A teacher in one of our schools in
quired the other day if any of her schol-
ars could give the definition of the word
dandy" This seemed puzzler till a
little boy near the front held up his hand
and said, II know what dandy 18th. !"
"And what is it?" "He it'll boy what
killeth the griffith
''Hello, Smythe, what's the matter I?
You look all broke up this morning. /"
$50 l am; had horrible dreams last
night; disturbed my rest" "What did
YOU dream about?'' 'eYou know my
wife has been attending cooking school
to learn how to cook. Wei / dreamed
she made lemon pie and l ate il"
Young Lady Cat hotel table)-'tDo you
know thatyulgar person at the adjoining
table who is eating with his knife ?"
Another Young Lady-Is. it possible you
don't know Mr.. Smith, whose uncle has
Just died and left him million dollars ?"
Young Lady-"No; is that he? How
gracefully he handles his knife. IN. Y.
San.
Young housekeeper, with small expe-
rience in marketing:-'I hardly know
what to order for dinner; we had veal
Yesterday and lamb the day before"
Butcher-"How would leg of mutton
do? or beef? or tongue?'' Young House
keeper, relieved at the question: ooh,
yes; that would do nicely. You may
send me a leg of tongue"
CHOW then,' said the school-teacher,
an ardent advocate of temperance,
"what is it that causes men to ight?"
While waiting for some one to shout
"Rum" little boy held up his hand
and cried: "Dogs." 'sDogs!Y exclaimed
the teacher, in astonishment. Yesem.
When man says his dog is better'n
another mans dog, there's sure to be
fight. "-Boston Courier.
Experience may be dear teacher"
remarked clergyman, as the contribu-
ton box was returned to him empty;
''but the members of this particular
flock who have experienced religion have
accomplished it at very trif1ing cost.
The choir will sing the seventy-ninth
hymn, committing the first, third and
fourth verses in order to save unneces-
sary wear on the organ.
An editor who had advertised for
man to do clipping for his paper was met
by sly-looking parsonage who said that
he would like to secure the position.
''Do you think that you could look over
papers and find items of INTEREST,""
Eyes sir" "What is your regular bust
ness?" ''I'm a detective" Great
goodness, sir, you won't do. You would
never find anything. "-ArkansatU Trnv-
eller. M ntss 81 snnee..ss
A well-known city professional man
who has a brand new baby was advised
by friends to rub the little one with lard
and camphor, as it was troubled with
some complaint that treatment was sure
to cure. The father went down into the
kitchen, got some lard out of pan, and,
mixing it with camphor, rubbed it all
over the babv's feet face and neck. Next
morning the mother found that the poor
little thing was covered with crust of
cold mashed potatoes. --Pittsburg Chron-
IL