The Democrat. (Scotland Neck, Halifax Co., N.C.) 1884-1896, 1885-04-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

PUNGENI PARAUkAPHN
The surest political appointment is
isappointment.-lN Marathon Independent
1t is not the change of scene that cures
so many travelling invalids. 1t is absence
from the doctor. x CaU.
''Im down en- roller skates" ex-
claimed he, as Is calmly proceeded to
regain his feet.-The Rink.
''Liquor strengthens the voice." says a
great tenor. This may be. 1t certainly
strengthens the breath. Cal.
The boy whose hair is cut by his
mother seldom takes of his hat when
there are any girls around. .-Nev YORK
Journal.
A New York man has bulldog that
by biting book agents. s.-Neteman Inde-
pendent.
The labor depression grows worse and
worse. A great many skating rinks are
only running on half time. Narration
INDEPENDENT
A French physician has written long
letter on the advantages of groaning and
crying. One is that neither will be mis-
taken for singing g.-Boston Post,
''Plant anything on your Kansas farm,
Bill?" "Yaas, planted mortgage
and two cowboys, but l am afraid l
can't raise nary one of 'em. .'-Bnndette.
An exchange asks, elbow shall we
prevent mice from gnawing bark off fruit
trees:" Kill the mice, of course. A
dead mouse never gnaws bark Graphic.
A man may be loaded to the eyebrows
with philosophy, and yet become as
helpless as child when he tries to get
the lost word with a woman.-C Chicago
Ledger.
The inability of George Washington
to tell a lie left gap in our national
! system that his fellow countrymen have
used every exertion to fill.-Pittsbury
! Telegraph.
| A Brooklyn scamstress carelessly left
needle in the back of a young lady Gus
I toner's dress, and now particular
friend of the family has his arm done up
in AMIGA Rochester Herald
You may talk of the signs of the weather,
| OF the coming days you may sing,
| But sitting down on red-hot stove
| Is sign of an early spring.
-Gor!t0m Mountaineer.
''How long does it take to become a
pianist?" asks subscriber. 1t is diff
cult to say. We know some people who
will never be pianists. This is reliable
and is published for the general good of
the community.
When Mrs. Pinaphor read that mil
operator in Philadelphia chad a thousand
hands," she looked little credulous,
and then quietly observed that cit must
! cost him an awful lot of money for
| gloves. -Notvistorn Herald.
A man never begins to find out how
little he knows about domestic matters
until his wife asks him to keep his eye
upon the baby, aud to see that pan of
melted butter is kept stirred, while she
goes into the attic to look through her
rag bag-FaU Ricer Aduunce
madam, can you tell me why tw
women stop in the middle of stree
crossing to TALK" 81 suppose they do
for the same reason that a man rushes
the top of his speed to get across the
track in front of train of cars and then
stands and watches the train 60 by"
The gentleman changed the subject
CHicogo Neaos.
Rural Reader fo agricultural editor)-
''Will you please tell me In the next IS
sue of your valuable paper, if ashes are
good to put on strawberries?" Agricul
tural Editor Gn the next issue of his
valuable paper)--" Pomona may like
ashes on his strawberries, but as for our
selves we prefer sugar and cream. y
| Ha,per's Ba=ar.
| There was little man,
And he had little can,
| And a quart or more of kerosene was in it;
And upon the kitchen fire,
| To make it burn still higher,
| He poured the oil, and in much less than
a quarter of a minute
There was no little can,
| There was no little man
The tales too sad-I can't go on-Oh! why
did begin it?
! -Det, oit Free Press.
A man in New York, who could speak
Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, Greek,
Turkish, French and English fiuently,
applied to the justice of the tombs few
daN ago for employment. While this
! unfortunate man was frittering away his
valuable time mastering several Ian
guages, he might have learned the art OF
pitching curved ball. and would now
be overwhelmed with tempting offers to
become the pitcher of score OF profes-
sional baseball clubs. .-NorristoWn Herald.