Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-05-21

Boston Courier.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
See her coming Now she places
| Down the street, One small heel
Face so cunning, Squarely on
| Form so neat The orange noel.
| tarrlage graceIui, Slips upon her
| Figure straight Well-formed pate;
Lovely vassar Awkward Vassar
| Graduate. Graduate.
See il lying FLYING parmants
On the walk, Then disclose
Some one will Pretty foot,
Upon il stalk Exquisite hose.
orange peel Dude is mashed,
| is on the wait And sees his fate!
For the Nassar Sly old Vassar
Grauuate. Graduate.
A coal-dealer suggests that premi.
um be offered to the housekeeper who
can exhibit the largest pile of ashes
collected during the winter and spring.
George Mcdonald, the novelist. is
editing new edition of Shakespeare.
lfthere is any one thing that this world
wants more than another it is a new
edition of Shakespeare. PHILADELPHIA
| Call.
The young man who had Just made
his "hrst appearance on any STAGE
was telling his friends all about it.
ibid you receive any floral tributeP''
was asked. NO. he replied, ..but ]
lodged all the eggs!" There was tri-
umph in his tone.
The poor never realize their poverty
so intensely as when they are brought
by necessity to wear the dainty gar
ments concocted for them by fashion
able but kind hearted young ladies at
| the last meeting of the Dorcas Club
S0nerville Journal.
Two men in Texas hotel were talk
| ing about taxes. (which do YOU pre-
| fer, direct or indirect taxes?n Il don't
want any at all, That's the kind | am
in favor of, and let me tell you there
are lots of people in this country who
think as | do. "-HarJord CotVunt
The London journals have not vet
decided whether it is Suakin, Suakim,
Souakin, or Souakim; but when Gem
eral Graham gets home he will be able
TO settle it, He has had considerable
of spell at that place. = New York
World
Journalist to his wife-I feel very
bad this morning. don't see that it S
worth while to go to work, for my head
aches SO painfully that cannot think. y
Wife-Don't try to think any to-day,
dear. Stay at home and work on your
book. y Arkansat0 Trareter.
81 trust the current of my discourse
last Sunday was not sufficiently formid-
able to hopelessly ingulf you,h jocose-
ly remarked a young Detroit clergy
man to a lady member in his eongrega-
ton the other evening. 30, no! 1t
was quite shallow enough for comfort
able wading, thank you'll
Mamma" said Freddy Popiniay.
''do sounds ever get drunk" what
a silly question, replied his mother.
We'll, l don't care, anyway" cried
Freddy. Il heard our minister say the
other day that the sound was dissi-
pated in the air. and if dissipated don't
mean drunk, I'd like to know what it
does mean. - burlington Free Press.
young man." said a revivalist
solemnly, ''do you feel that You are
prepared to answer the summons at
any momentP Do you realize that
when you 60 to bed at night you may
be called before the morning dawns?h
80, yes, sir. I'm night clerk in a
drug store. an all you've got to do is
keep on ringin' the bell until you hear
me boiler. IN Y Sun.
What do you think of
my writingsP Are they too satirical?
Fogg-Satirical, you rogueP ! never
saw your like. You're cutting every
body up. You're perfect vivisection-
list. Henderson - You ilatter me.
Fogg bit You're viyisection-
ist And the best of it is that the man
who reads your slashing articles does
not know that he is being cut up. They
act as an an@sthetic, you know. Dos
ton Transcript.
A candidate for city office was
reading morning paper which during
the previous year had been condemning
him furiously but had changed its tone.
He smiled as he read pleasant para
graph, and remarked sneeringly to a
friend sitting near: ala, the sheet is
becoming quite complimentary us
itP' Eyes; it calls me gentleman
now, but last year it called me thief,
a liar, and a scoundrel. y 30, you
mustn't notice that; this is your off
year you know. Merchant 1raueIer.
There used to be an old gentleman
who lived up in one of the parishes of
this State who was noted for his ire
mendous department and punctuality.
Arriving in the city for the first time,
he accosted young man about town
who was standing on the corner of
efr ;.l
friend, +" said he, taking out his watch,
''to go to the st. Charles hotel.
"Well," said the gilded youth, '.you
may go, but don't stay but half an
hour. "-Neto Orleans TimeS-Democrat
A gentleman signing himself ''Phil-
anthropist'' writes the Bulletin to in
quire 'if the electric light may not
prove factor for reform. If the bus
mess streets were nightly made as light
as Franklin Square, do you think men
who love to be respectable would tum-
BILE into the street at q late hour to be
taken home by the police? Isn't this
modern light an antagonist to deeds of
darkness and shame?" We give it up.
When we don't know whether there is
dynamite or soothing strip back of an
inquiry we make it rule to let it alone.
-Nor0ich (Ct) bulletin.
Some of our readers may remember
the ancient definition "a noun is the
name of thing, as horse, hair, JUS
tice.n In the Memoir of Adiel Sher-
wood, d. d." recently published, the
storyis told of a young man who Stun
bled grievously at this point ..What
is noun then?'' be said; ''but first
must find out what is horse-hair JUS
tice." He meditated upon this for sew
eral days, until seeing his father seated
in his legal capacity as Justice of the
Peace in the old horse-hair settee, he
exclaimed, with delight: Il have
found it; my father is horse hair JUS
tice, and therefore noun. - Chicago
Standard.
A Worcestershire woman, new to
London, had her child christened in
company with the children of some of
her London acquaintance. After the
ceremony, the presence of so many lit
tie ones inspired herewith brilliant
idea. Why shouldn't they all have
their portraits taken? She knew a
place where they did them cheaply,
and. what was more, she would defray
all the expenses. Such an offer was
too good to be lost, and a party of a
dozen children-the lady was very par
ticular about their being twelve-at