Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1885-11-26
CHING CHONG.
The Effect of Bad Whisky on Happy Ce-
lesfiaf.

Ching Chong is child of the yellow
dragon, upon whose copper-colored
forehead the sun of thirty autumns has
cast his unmistakahle mark. Ching
Chong is a follower of Confucius; he
worships the bones of his ancestors,
and on the natal day of the great Joss
he religiously decapitates yearling
rooster and burns yellow iire-cracker
paper before the altar of his patron
saint.
Ching Cnong believes also, as the
sacred priests OF the Chinese divinity,
Iang-tse-Ki-Bang-B Bang. taught him
while yet canny kid. that at the time
OF an eclipse an internal dragon seeks
to devour the sun. and is only fright
cned off by promiscuous beating Of
milk-pans, gongs, coal-scuttles, coffee
pots, and the demolition of miscella-
neous collection OF tinwarc. accompa-
MED by vocal exhibit that would
knock sheol out of the gamut and put
a gang of college freshmen to the
blush. Ching Chong felt happy yes
terday. The fact that the San Fran
cisco coroner had been forced to give
up his captured Chinese boneyard in
fused peace and Joy into his Monaghan
soul with the thought that one day he
would thus be boiled, and his scraped
bundle of lime phosphatcs be packed in
a tin case, sent to his relatives in the
rice-fields of Yang-how-C Chilling Bong
and be worshipped by coming genera
tons with oblations of rice-cakes, rat
on toast, and crow-nest's soup. So he
imbibed the festive forty-rod till the
shutting off of the electric lights per-
suaded him that an eclipse of the sun
was about to threaten the universe. In
terrified haste he visited his friends in
the alley between Sixteenth and Sew
cnteenth streets and Larimer and Law
renee, and finding no orthodox materi-
al with which to brighten away the en-
gorging and engaging dragon beyond
Il few deceased tomato cans, he at
tempted to make up the difference in
vocal exhortaiion after his own pecu-
liar way.
Shortly some one fred a revolver to
frighten him, but it only stimulated
further exertlons, enlivened now by a
Chinese dervlsh dance, which brought
IN crowd and investigation by the po-
lice. When arrested, Ching Chong
had apparently swallowed spring
mattress, and had started his tongue on
tour across the continent, He would
raisee muchee helleei like Mclean
man; he would shootce back if he had
n gun; no foolee Ching Chong! he
cleanee out crowd, and paintee town
red! heap washee morrow and get
monee for more drunk! he fightee dra-
gon, eat up sun! hi! hi! The police I'M
feelingly spoiled the crowds fun by
putting q head on this interesting
Asiatic performance, and escorting the
actor TO the JUG.
Ching Chong smoto the air with his
tongue vigorously all the way, and
offered to teach his captors the impe-
rial dialect if they would only give him
u little more time. But not being in
search OF such knowledge they fired
him into the cooler, where he passed
the night revolving many things in his
mind. From his pockets were I'M
earthed a nucl-abuscd silk handker-
chief, the toe OF a sacred toad, key to
the Denver JoSs-housc, Il tablet enumer-
ating the souls of his ancestors, five
copper taels, Il beef skewer, and seven
hairpins strung on yellow paper as a
charm against evil spirits. Three
friends with very long cues and per-
suasiyc mien, calculated to the police
official in broken China their earnest
and heartfelt desire TO bail their &C.
lestial brother out, and promised all
manner OF things to the lieutenant in
charge, but it was no go, and Ching
Chong will have Il chance TO
explain to Judge Barnum this morn
ing the minor beauties OF this phase of
Chinese faitE. -DeHrer tribune Repub-
Linn,