Connecticut western news., 1885-06-10
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WIT AND WISDOM.

"NorHMo is impossible to him who wills" No, nor to the lawyer who con ducts the case.
 SoNm one says that liquor strengthens the voice. This Is a mistake, it only makes the breath strong.
 PROSPERITY and prudence are spoiled differently, but they generally mean about the same thing. -- Chicago Ledger.
 Tm good deeds that most sons now. adRys prefer that their fathers should leave behind them arc real estate deeds.
 A GRAIN of sand may be tho germ of new world, but a button in the right place does moro good in the rushing present.
 TH1s is the season when tho small boy in the country takes off his shoes and gets more fun tramping over sharp stones than his mother could on a velvet carpet.
 AN anxious inquirer asks "Where would you advise mo to go to learn how to play the piano9" To the woods. dear to the deep, dark, damp, danger ous woods.
 A MAN may have wealth, honor and fair health, children that look like him, and beautiful wife, and still not know the full meaning of seraphic bliss tll he sees his name in print.
 THERE is one place in this country away down in Maine-whero the people are SO polite that they never speak of unmarried ladies as old maids. They simply call them ladies-in-waiting.
 IT is said that much suffering is caused an animal by defective shoeing. This will be readily understood by noticing Q woman shoe q hen. The poor bird docs not seem to know which way to go.
 IT is claimed that tho highest faculty of language is to conceal thought IL may be, but when a man falls over . wheelbarrow in the dark 1t Beoms to lose its grip somewhat in that particular.
 ANIMALS of different species can got along together in the samo pom with some approach to harmony, but tho oldest man living never saw crowd of boys play marbles together without a row.
 "ALouIsvnhE gentleman has had the first tooth of his grandchild boautihod, and is now wearing 1t as a pin for his shirt front" We should be inclined to remark that this is too thin if it wore not tooth out.
 IN an article on tho currency an Ari- zona editor says "We are rich beyond the dreams of the imagination in gold and silver" The next article is m car nest e1hortation 10 the subscribers to pay up, as the editor is "badly strapped
 ONE of them was just coming out of the Post Office, the other was going in. They stopped, shook hands, smiled, and the first one observed: "Quite Q swell affair, that of Smiths" "Indeed What was it2 "A boil" And then they separated without shaking hands.
 IN the hearing of tho case of a young colored man in Poughkeepaie, N. Y., the charge being disorderly conduct, the Recorder asked the accused how the quarrel betweon him and another man commenced. The prisoner replied; "Well, it wur jess like dis; bot Abe Johnson 25 cents he wasn't Twin, and he bet me 25 cents he was, and dat was what started the row." a.
 A GENTLEMAN, with his wife, lately visited one of the Attleboro cemeteries with one of the directors of the place for the purpose of selecting lot After inquiring the prices he asked if he must pay in advance, and, according 10 the Advocate, got the reply: "Well, no, guess you're good for it, only if you don't pay right down you will be eT- pected to bury somo of your folks within two years."
 YEs, Sam, get homo late agin dc odder night, an my mudder she Sayi "Chile, whar you bin out SO late agin dis yere night2" sTse been out callin' on a lady" says. "Well, chile, why you don't como home fore midnight" she says. "Kaze I couldn't git away before. Kaze dc lady were a settin' on my hat. an I was too much of gemman to call her 'tention to de circumstance." says. "Well, now, honey" she says, ''iis look a-yere, an you member dis now, or you git leff out. Next time you visits lady iis keaf1 vour hnt of yo' lnnu