The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1885-06-19
RISE AND FALL OF THE ROLLER
RINKIST.
BY BILL NYE.

y nave once more tried to ride pair
of roller skates. That is the reason l
got down on the rink and down on roll
Ter skates. That is the reason several
people got down on me. That is also
the reason why snow state in public
manner to a lost and undone race; and
unless the roller rink is at once abol-
ished, the whole civilized world will be
plunged into arnica.
had tried it once before, but had not
carried my experiments to successful
termination. l made trial trip
around the rink last August, but was
ruled out by the judges for incompet-
ency, and advised to skate among peo-
pie who were hostile to the government
of the United States, while the proprie-
tors repaired the rink.
On the 9th OF September, nestled in
the bosom of cyclone to excess, and it
hasrequired the bulk of the succeeding
months for nature to glue the bones Of
my leg together in proper shape. That
is the reason 1 have not given the at
tention to roller skating that / should
A few weeks ago, l read what Mr..
Talmage said about this great national
vice. 1t was his opinion that if we
skated in a proper spirit, we could leave
the rink each evening with our immoral
souls in good shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thursday
evening | would undertake the feat os
c L ~ inn fh1nn dc l.
with no protection to my scruples, for
one-half the gate money, Talmage rules.
So there was quite a large audience
present with opera-glasses. Some had
umbrellas, especially on the front rows.
These were worn spread, in order to
ward off fragments of the rink which
might become disengaged and set in
motion by atmospheric disturbances.
In obedience to a wild, Wagnerian
snort from the orchestra, came forth
into the arena with my skates in my
hand. | feel perfectly at home before
an audience when have my skates in
my hand. 1t is morbid desire 10 wear
the skates on my feet that has always
been my bette nOir. Will the office boy
please give me a brass check for that
word so that l can getit when l go
away?
Ny first thought, after getting myself
secured to the skates. was this: Am
in the proper frame OF mind2 Am 1
doing this in the right spirit? Am 1
about to skate in such a way as to lift
the fog of unbelief which now envelopes
a sinful world, or shall l deepen the
opaque night IN which my race is
wrapped ?"
Just then, that end of the rink erupt-
ed in a manner so forthwith and so tout
ensemble that / had to push it back in
place with my person. never saw any
thing done with less delay or less
langour.
The audience went wild with enthu-
siasm, and responded to the encore by
writing my name in the air with my
skates.
This closed the first seance, and my
trainer took me in the dressing room to
attend consultation of physicians.
After the rink carpenter had lacked up
the floor little, | went out again.
had no fears about my ability to per-
form the mechanical part assigned me,
but was still worried over the question
OF whether / would or would not be of
lasting benefit To mankind.o
Those who have closely scrutinized
my frame in repose, have admitted that
| was fearfully and wonderfully made.
Students of the human frame say that
they never saw such wealth of timber
ness and looseness lavished upon one
person. They maintain that nature
bestowed upon me the hinges and Joints
intended for a whole family, and there
lore when / skate. the air seems to be
perfectly lurid with limbs. I presume
that this is true, though l have SO little
leisure while skating in which to observe
The method itself, the plot or animus of
the thing, as it were, that my opinion
would be of little value to the SCENT
st.
/ am led to believe that the roller skate
s certainly a great civilizer and a won
1erful leveler of mankind. If we so
skate that when the summons comes to
seek our ward within the general hos
oital, where each shall heal his busted
;uticle within the walls where rinkists
squirm, we go not like the social wreck. |
morally paralyzed, but like hired man
,aking his medicine, and so forth-we |
may skate with perfect impunity, or any !
one else to whom we may be properly |
introduced by our cook. -se-
Skating on the roller skate is like
riding on railway train. If the man
agement is good and we behave our
selves, we feel safe. Rinking in and !
ot itself is not dangerous from moral |
point OF view.with good associates and |
l solid road-bed we are safe. So it is
also in travelling. If our rink tickets
ire good in well conducted rink, and |
our railway tickets read over the Great |
Rock Island Route, we have done wisely
md the rest remains with us. We NAV
wreck ourselves in front of the engine /
Or injure ourselves morally and physi-
ally at the rink if we wish to. There
ire many, however, who are not agitat-
ID over the rink question. To such it
night be well to say that the Rock
sland Roads still carrying people with
elegance, economy and COM
ort.