The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1885-06-15
Rise and Fall Of the Roller Rinkist.
BY BILL NYE.

Rise and Fall Of the Roller Rinkist.
BY BILL NYE.
have once more tried 10 ride pair of
roller skates. That is the reason | got
down on the rink and down on roller
skates. That is the reason several peo-
ple got down on me. That is also the
reason why now state in public man.
ner to lost and undone race; and unless
the roller rink is at once abolished, the
whole civilized world will be plunged in
to arnica.
l had tried il once before, but had not
carried my experiments to a successful
termination / made trial trip around
the rink last August, but was r2led out
by the judges for incompetency, and adj
vised 10 skate among people who were
hostile TO the government of the United
States, while the proprietors repaired the
rink.
On the 9th of September, nestled in
the bosom of cyclone to excess, and 1t
has required the bulk of the succeeding
months for nature to glue the bones of
my leg together in proper shape. That is
the reason have not given the attention
to roller skating that should.
A few weeks ago, read what Mr.. Tai
mage said about this great national vice.
1t was his opinion that if we skated in a
proper spirit, we could leave the rink each
evening with our immortal souls in good
shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thursday
evening l would undertake the feat of
skating three rounds in three hours with
no protection to my scruples, for one half
the gate money, Talmage rules. So there
was quite large audience present with
opera glasses. Some had umbrellas, es>
pecially on the front rows. These were
worn spread, in order to ward off frag>
ments of the rink which might become
disengaged and set in motion by atmos-
pherc disturbances.
In obedience TO a wild, Wagnerian
snort from the orchestra, | came forth IN
to the arena with my skates in my hand.
| feel perfectly at home before an audi
fence when have my skates in my hand.
1t is a morbid desire to wear the skates
on my feet that has always been my Bet
noir. VIII the office boy please give me
brass check for that word so that | can
get it when l go away2
My FIRST thought, after getting myself
secured to the skates was this: Am
in the proper frame of mind2 Am doing
this in the right spiritr Am | about tC
skate in such a way as to lift the fog OF
unbelief which now envelopes sinful
world, or shall | deepen the opaque night
in which my race is yrspped7"
just then, that end of the rink erupted
in manner so forthwith and so tout en-
Sembie that had TO push it back in place
with my person. | never saw anything
done with less delay or less languor.
The audience went wild with enthu
siasm, and responded to the encore b.
writing my name in the air with ny
skates.
This closed the first seance, and m,
trainer took me in the dressing room I,
attend consultation of physicians. AT
ter the rink carpenter had lacked up tn
floor little, went out again. l had II
|, fears about my ability to perform tn,
mechanical part assigned me, but wa
still worried over the question of whethe
it would or would not be of lasting bene
fit to mankind.
i Those who have closely scrutinized IN,
frame in repose, have admitted that
was fearfully and wonderfully made. Stu
dents of the human frame say that the
never saw such a wealth of limbernes
and looseness lavished upon one person
They maiutain that nature bestowed up
on me the hinges and joints intended fo
a whole family, and therefore when
skate, the air seems TO be perfectly lHri
with limbs. | presume that this is trut
though have so little leisure while sksi
ing in which to observe the method il
t self, the plot or animus of the thing, as
were, that my opinion would be of littl
value to the scientist.
| am led to believe that the roller skat
J is certainly great civilizer and wor
V Gerful leveler of mankind If we so skat
p that when the summons comes to see
our ward within the general hospita
where each shall heal his busted cutie
within the walls where rinkists squirn
II we 60 not like the social wreck moral
d pulal1 ECut DuL Inc uiitu tlldH tdhll
n his medicine, and 50 forth--we may ska
with perfect impunity, or any one else
u whom we may be properly introduced |
II our cook.
oil Skating on the roller skate is like rit
ing on railway train. If the manag
ment is good and we behave ourselve
It we feel safe Rinking in and of itself
Y not dangerous from a moral point of vie
4 with good associates aid solid ROT
20 bed We are safe. So it is also in trave
Ling. If our rink tickets are good in a VT
Il conducted rink. and our railway ticke
y read over the Great Rock Island Rout
r. we have done wisely and the rest renal
10 with us. We may wreck ourselves
front of the engine or injure ourselv
y morally and physically at the rink if '
IS wish to. There are many however wi
is are not agitated over the rink questio
\. To such it might be well to say that Il
: Rock Island road is still carrying peoE
with comfort, elegance, economy al
rs despatch.