The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1885-09-04
VOL. XXX----NO. 36.
VARIETIES.

What must do" asked u mean and
conceted man of friend who knew him
well, "to get picture of the one love mostg"
Sit for your own portrait was the reply.
New Cook-"An' please, ma'am, how
shall l cook the CLAIMS ?"-Mistress-
how have you cooked them in other places?"
New Cook-"Sure alters made iyster soup
wild en-"
You might as well undertake to varnish
a rainbow or try to stampede hunger with
dime with hole in it, as expect to prevail
on man to own up to his wife that he has
been in the wrong,
-Fact.-Youngster on the Hills, aged five,
to fond mother with her only child
"Auntie, you see Pm making torpedo, and
when it is done am going to put it under
baby" Frightiul imaginative anticipation
-"Plaze ma'am, wud ye oblidge poor bye
wild light? Shura yell only made to give
one glance of yer purity eye at me pipe,
light, and good dinner besides Moral
Always speak the truth in the presence of
the fuir sex.
-She-Do you make any reduction to
clergymen Gallant Old Confectoner-Al
ways; are you clergymans wife, She
(blushing) Oh no; am not married. G. o.
q. becoming terested)-Daughter, then?
She (blushing deeper)-No; but IL am en-
gagged to theological student
AT AN English court house at luncheon,
after morning service, the popular young
curnte was accosted by a venerable divine.
How long, sill" said he, did it take you to
write that sermon that you gave us this morn
ing ?" 10, abouta week" "Dear me-" re-
piled the other, ait took me four"
Labor would be much cheaper if tools
were sharper. Solomon said long ago,
when the axe is dull, then must be put forth
more strength" But he added in the same
connection, Wisdom is profitable to direct"
thus limiting pretty plainly his opinion that
man who had any sense wouldn't be caught
using u dull axe
Sweet Mistress Whitefluff in Deem
Water: Young housekeeper Cooking over
the market eports)-"Bridget, | shall want
you to go to market this morning" Bridget
-"Yis, mum. Wot'll get, mum ?" Young
housekeeper-" see that beef is much cheap.
er ON The hoot, and | presume that it's Just
as good. Get nice roast off the hoof."
To "st above the salt" is an old saying.
In England, formerly, it was the custom in
noble families for servants to take their meals
in the same hall with their masters. A large
salt cellar was placed in the middle of the
table, and it was customary for the servants
and poor guests to sit below this. To "sit
above the salt" therefore, was mark of
honor.
Make ii very strong and close, Uncle
John, said the lady of the manor to the negro
who was building new garden fence; my
Christianity can't stand the test of my neigh
boris pigs and chickens" II b'lieve you
missus," was the old mans emphatic re-
sponse "kase bin allus notice dat dere was
end tn all and upn6 Will ~
Dorness, an 'ligion, whar dar warn't no
fence"
"A Pontiac little boy was told at Sunday
school that when he died he would leave his
body here. After his return home he was
| much troubled in regard to it, and question
ed his parents. His mother explained by
saying: you will take all the good with
you, but leave all that's naughty here below"
lie thought moment, and looking up said
well, guess I'll be awfully thin when get
there"
Too often we demand more affection
than we give, more than we deserve, more
than it is possible for US to receive We do not
make allowance for differences of tempera.
ment, differences of taste, differences of attrac-
ton. In the domain of affection, if nowhere
else, there must be absolute liberty. The
slightest tyranny, even that of expectation, is
i"'"' w NV iiiS vi ioNC anu UCT TlCDeSb urea
sures will be showered upon those who are
generous enough to give literally, asking for
nothing again.
-Flipkins came down to the club last
night with great problem weighing on his
mind. "lf stand on my herd" said he,
| coming up to the boys with the air of man
who has got poser, "If stand on my head
the blood all rushes into my head, don't it ?"
No one ventured TO contradict him. "Now,"
continued he triumphantly, "when stand on
my feet why don't the blood all rush into my
feety" Because" replied Miss Coshanni.
gan's brother, because, Flipkins, your feet
are not empty" The boys all laughed, but
Flipkins said he couldn't see any joke.
-"You don't seem to have the slightest
knowledge of natural philosophy" growled
Brooklyn man, as the iceman left a chunk
on the sidewalk. With what.the. deuce.do-
you mean expression i'll his eye, the dispen-
ser OF trigid water retorted: Eyes, l do"
Then what do you mean by leaving so small
piece of ice on red hot day, and such large
chunks in cold weather." because know
that heat expands and cold contracts If |
left you a bigger piece this morning, before
night 1t would swell so that you couldn't get
it in your refrigerator. Good day~