The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1885-06-11
WHOLE No. $40.
A Chatham street Tragedy.

Leonidas Baxter was drunk last
Thursday. There is no question about
it. The policeman caught him in the
very act of attempting to pay for free
lunch in a Chatham street cellar, and
was Immediately arrested. On Friday
morning Mr.. Baxter presented sad
dened and unwashed face to the US
tice.
..Leonidas Baxter?" queried the JUS
tice, looking over his glasses at the
prisoner in the box.
Yes, SIR" humbly replied that indi-
vidual.
SIS that your right name?'
''Yes, sir" responded the prisoner,
with dignity. You don't think |
would play any tricks on the court 1
hope"
"You are accused of being in a state
of intoxication yesterday afternoon.
Policeman Smith arrested you in Chat
ham street. What have you to say for
yourself?"
True, your honor. l was intoxi-
Gated; but l had an excuse Listen,
before you send me up. am restaur-
ateur by profession. | once owned an
eating-house on Sixth avenue; but [
was unfortunate. could not pay the
rent, and had to move into Bleecker
street. Still my bad luck pursued me,
and | was obliged to move again. This
time L rented room in Chatham
street had very little money, and it
was necessary for me to get quick re-
turns from my investment. Chatham
street business methods, l need not tell
your honor, are not what / was accus-
toned to; but you know the old maxim,
When you are in Jerusalem do as the
Jews do. Across the street from my
place is an eating-den kept by shock
haired, red-eyed lobster, who, if 1
might offer the suggestion, ought to be
on the island. He has been my bane,
my curse"
"Well.' interrupted the justice; am
in hurry, Mr.. Baxter"
'tOne moment longer, your honor"
replied the prisoner, ''and L am
through. After l had been running
my plan one week, found that nv eX-
penses were S75 and my receipts S17. Is.
l had only 800 left. had to make a
stir some way, so / hired young man,
bought him a neat suit of clothes, and
started him out with big placard
fastened to his coat, which read:
Il eat my lunch at Baxter's Palace
restaurant
LAS he walked up the street, he at
tracted universal attention, and bust
ness began to pour in. About noon |
noticed that it suddenly stopped. On
going out, | discovered the cause of the
trouble. The lobster had seduced my
sign, filled it up with rum, and station
ed it in front of my door. Its clothes
were covered with mud, and its hat
was jammed over its head To the chin.
OF course, no one would come into
place with such sign. That expert
ment cost me $40. The next day
brilliant idea came to me, and | has
tened to seize upon it. 1t was my der
nier resort, so to speak. l went to the
dime museum and engaged the fat man
and the living skeleton. paid them
$50 apiece, my last cent. put a huge
card on the fat mans back, which
read:
- L eat at Leonidas BaNter's.'
"And on the thin man 1 put another
sign:
81 don't
Then l started them down the street
arm in arm. The effect was prodigious.
Crowds followed in their wake And
the populace at once began to inquire:
Where is Baxter's?' Let us 90 to this
wonderful restaurant l was in costa
sizes of joy. l contemplated renting
the next room and hiring ten new wait
ers. When | was in the midst of this
delirium of delight 1 was again brought
face to face with despair. From the
summit OF my prosperity L was hurled
into the depths OF ruin.
A deputy sheriff came in and closed
my doors. Then, your honor, 1 took to
drink to drown my sorrow. But L
shall be revenged on the lobster"
'What did he do to injure you this
time?" inquired the justice.
What did he do?" repeated the
prisoner. He changed the signsr'-
Puck.