davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Too Rich n Bath.

One day big, handsome Ben LIE Fevre,
saws the Cincinnati Commercial Gazette,
was having his rotund and jovial person
ality in a maj BILE batb-tub in the house
bathrooms at the Capitol.
While he was disporting himself in
tepid water made foaming with scented
soaps and was about ready TO be rubbed
dry by the attendant, messenger came
down and called to him from the outside
that there were some gentlemen above
anxious to see him on important busi-
ness for moment, as they were obliged
TO depart hurriedly to catch train.
"Who are they?" called the general,
as he blew the water out Of his nous
tache with a snort like porpoise.
"They are some gentlemen from Ohio
sir"
"Are they people from my distriet?'
asked Ben.
Eyes, SIR" answered the messenger
''Then, for heavens sake, don't send
them down here. Shut the doors there
and keep them out. Good Lord! If any
OF them find | bathe in a marble tut
and am rubbed down by niger, in
stead Of going down to the creek anC
drying myself with my shirt, it will los
me thousand votes"
The unterrifed and unwashed con
stituents didn't get in.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

II expenses were proportioncd TO re-
ccipts.
If home troubles we've never told TO a
neighbor.
If they tried to he as agreeable rs In
courtship days.
If each would try to be support aud
comfort to each other.
If each was as kind to the other as
when they were lovers.
If each would remember the other was
a human being, not All angel.
II both parties remombcre that they
married for worse as well as for better.
Ii men were as thoughtful for their
wives as they were for their swcethcarts.
II there were fewer "please darlings"
In public aud more common manners In
private.
If there were fewer silk and velvet
street costumes, and more plain, tidy
home dresses.
If masculine bills for llavanas and
feminine ditto FOR rare lace were turned
into the general fund until such times
rs they could. be incurred without risk.
II men would remember that woman
cannot always be smiling who has to
cook the dinner, answer the door bell
half dozen times, get rid Of a neighbor
who has dropped In, tend sick baby,
tie up the cut lnger OF IA two-year-old,
tie up the head OF six-year.old on
skates, and get an eight-year-old ready
| for school. A woman with all this 10
contend with may claim IL as privilege
TO look and feel little tired sometimes,
and word Of sympathy would not be
too much TO expect from the man who
during the honeymoon would not let
| her carry as much as a sunsbade.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Where Strong Wen Wept.

The morning that Lee sent word that
we were to retire from the road TO the
Appomattox courthouse and leave 1t
clear, none Of us knew what the order
meant, but even If we had known 1t
would have been cheerfully obeyed.
The troops withdrew among the timber
to the right and left Of the highway
where our commissary stores bad been
packed on the previous night. In lit
tie while Lee rode up TO the rear, ac-
compsnied only by Col. Marshall, his
aide. 1t was with the greatest difficulty
that the men were kept from rushing
out and surrounding the general, so
much was he loved. We crept forward
to the edge of the road and saw Lee re-
turning. His face was very sad. When
he was opposite TO us the soldiers could
no longer restrain Themselves and they
rushed out in wild mob around his
old iron-g horse, shouting: "Lee
Lee. Lee!" All discipline was thrown
TO the wind, and the men seemed TO feel
as II the end was near for | never saw
such loyal yet disorderIy rush. Lee
was calm and seemed to be profoundly
moved. When ne dismounted he made
a motion for silence and ring wa;
formed around him. Then he stretched
out his hand to us and said:
"GentIemen, have done the best
could for you. To-day have surren'
dered the army Of Northern Virginia
BOYS, go home. God bless you"
81 saw strong men throw themselve'
upon the ground at his feet and weeI
like women. The shouts and cries o
my comrades were heart-stirring. Lee
looked upon the scene for a moment
sighed and turned away. II was al
."-Aajor Quincy, in Nea' York Her
aid.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Good Advice 10 Young Wen.

To young men, Bob Burdett says:
You take basin of water aud place
your finger in it for twenty-five or thirty
seconds, then take il out and look AT the
hole that is>left. The size of that hole
represents about the impression that adj
vice makes on the young mans mind.
Don't depend too much on your fam
ily-the dead part | mean. The world
wants live men it has no use for dead
ones. Queen Victoria can trace her an
cestors back in direct line to William
the Conquerer. If you cannot get fur
ther back than your father you are bet
ter of. Your father was a better man
than old William. lie had better clothes
to wear, better food to eat, aud was bet
! ter housed.
If you are a diamond be sure that you
will be found. Cheek, brass or gall,
never gets ahead OF merit.
| love young man who Is straight
forward. Ask for what you want. If
! you want 10 marry rich mans daugh-
ter or borrow $500 from him, ask him
for it; it amounts to the same thing in
the end. 1t is always better to astonish
a man than to bore him.
Remember that in the morning Of life
come the hard working days. Hard
work never killed man. It's fun, re-
creation, relaxation. holidays that kill.
Hard work never does.
Those who come after us have 10 work
Just as hard as we do. When | shovel
the snow off my sidewalk, If perchance
| take a three-quarter piece of my
neighbours walk / put it back, because
! if didn't should DO him an injustice.
You can't afford to do anything but
what is good. You are on dress parade
all the time.
Don't be afraid Of pounding persist
emily at one thing. Don't be afraid Of
being called a one-idea man or a crank.
If you have one idea you have more
than most men have. Ii takes a smart
man TO be a crank.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

The young man fingered near the
managing editors desk, waiting for an
appointment on the regular staf.
"But you drink" said the manager,
wishing to let the candidate down easy.
YES" replied the young man; $50
did Alexander the Great"
"And you are dude" glanciDg at
the youths dandIfied dress.
$50 was Disraeli."
"And you are liar"
$50 was Napoleon Bonaparte."
"And you are head and ears In debt"
"Like Alexander Dumas"
"And you are a glutton.
$50 was Peter the Great"
"And you swear occasionally"
80 did George Warrington"
"You are likely to get drunk"
"Like Daniel Webster"
"You are not college man."
"Neither was Lincoln"
"And you write 3 wretcbedly l.legi-
bic hand"
T.ike Horace Greeley"
"And you can't make a speech"
"Like Grant"
"well," said the manager, plunging
into leap Of manuscript, "anybow, /,
we don't want you; you won't do.
Good morning."
The young man turned away exceed
ingly sorrowful. cts no sort Of use, +"
be said, ga fellow combines In his own
brain and person the traits Of all the
great men from Alexander to Grant,
and can't get a place on a morning
newspaper. This world Is growing too
fast for genius"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Boys Will BE Boys.

"Boys will be boys" observed trav-
elef from the South, "and guess it
doesn't make much difference whether
they are white or black, city or country.
Down where l have been in Florida
there's a little black boy hanging about
the place, and he is the LATEST chap l
ever saw. He is too lazy TO eat. He
sleeps two-thirds Of the time, and don't
get more than half awake the other
third. He has no ambition 10 do any
thing but snooze and get enough grub
to keep him from hunger. A few days
before left l was taking walk down
by the shore of the bayou when | heard
scream. Rushing into the tall grass
and weeds that fringe the water saw
the most horrible sight that my eyes
ever beheld. That colored boy was
hanging with his hands TO n sapling,
and his feet were in the mouth of huge
alligator. IL was plain to me that the
pickaninny had been asleep, and the
gator had crawled up and seized him.
| was so Mortified that it seemed as II
my heart would refuse to beat. would
not look upon such a spectacle again
for $4,000. 1t drove me finally wild.
| had no weapon, and as you may imag-
inc, | was frantic. Ii is my firm belief
that the sight of that gator with his
awful jaws upon the poor boys feet
knocked an even ten years out OF my
life"
"Did you succeed in saving the boy"
"IIe didn't need any saving. The
little rascal was as safe as you are this
minute. As | seized a fence rail and
rushed up TO beat the reptile over the
head, that boy grinned ut me In delight.
You see, the alligator was dead one,
and the pickaninny had gone down
there aud stuck his iect In his mouth
and hollered when he saw me walking
his way. | guess the LATEST Md that
ever lived was not too lazy TO play
prank"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
MARK TWAIN AS A CANDIDATE.

A few months ago 1 was nominated
for Governor of the great State Of New
York, to run against Mr.. John Il. Smith
and Mr.. Blank j. Blank, on an lnde-
pendent ticket. l somehow felt that |
had one prominent advantage over these
gentlemen, and it was-good character.
1t was easy to see by the newspapers
that if ever they had known what it was
to bear good name that time had gone
by. 1t was plain that in these latter
years they had become familiar with all
manner of shameful crimes. But at the
very moment that was exalting my ad-
vantage and joying in it in secret, there
was muddy undercurrent Of discom-
fort "riding" the deeps of my happi-
ness, and that was-the having my name
banded about in familiar connections
with such people. l grew more and
more disturbed. Finally, wrote my
grandmother about it. Her answer came
quick and sharp. She said:
"You have never done one single
thing in all your life to be ashamed Of,
not one. Look at the newspapers-look
at them and comprehend what sort OF
characters Smith and Blank are, and
then see if you are willing to lower
yourself to their level and enter pub
lie canvass with them"
But could not concede. | was fully
committed and must 60 on with the
fight. AS was looking listlessly over
the papers at breakfast l came across
thi. paragraph, and L may truly say L
never was so confounded before:
"PERJURY.-Perhaps now that Mr.
Mark Twain is before the people as a
candidate for governor, he will conde-
scend to explain how he came to be COLI
victed Of perjury by "a witnesses in
Wakawek, Cochin China, in 1863, the
intent of which perjury being to rob a
a poor native widow and her helpless
family of a meager plantation patch,
their only stay and support in their be-
reavement and desolation. Mr.. Twain
owes it to himself, as well as to the
great people whose suffrage he asks, to
clear this matter up. Will he do it!"
Thought should burst with amaze
ment. Such a cruel, heartless charge.
/ never had seen Cochin China. never
had heard of Wakawak. didn't know
a plantation patch from kangaroo.
was crazed, helpless. let the day slip
away without doing anything at all
The next morning the same paper had
this-nothing more:
"SIGSIFIcANT.-Mr. Twain, it will be
observed, is suggestively silent about
the Cochin China perjury"
Mem. During the rest of the cam
paign this paper never referred to me ir
any other way than "the infamous per
jursr Twain."l
Next came the Gazette with this:
"WANTKD TO KNow.-Will the new
candidate for governor deign to explair
to certain of his fellow-citizens the little
circumstances of his cabiE mates ir
Montana losing small valuables frou
time to time, until at last, these thing
having been invariably found on Mr.
Twain's person, or in his trunk news
papers he rolled his traps in), they fel
compelled to give him friendly admo
milton for his good, and so tarred an
feathsred him and rode him on a raj
out of camp. Will he do this?"
] latter this, this journal continuousl
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Why He Left the Church.

Preachers, more than other public
speakers, are annoyed by persons who
leave the house during services. Some
times young evangelist" who has
spent twenty years in vice and six
months in the pulpit, thinks that he has
done a wise thing when he reproves an
old man for leaving his seat. Several
nights ago, while young evangelist
was preaching to an Arkansaw congre-
CATION, a gentleman arose aud started
out. The evangelist stopped preaching
and every one gszed at the man who
had caused the interruption.
my friend, will you stops moment?"
The gentleman stopped. The preacher
continued: "You do not look like man
who wants to go to hell, but your ac-
tions certainly indicate such desire
on your part"
The gentleman stammered in his en-
barrassment.
w uab uld you say 'hC PA'"OhNA
asked, keenly feeling the advantage
which the pulpit always affords. "speak
right out and DON'T hem and haw. Re-
member that Jonah could not run away
from the Lord. We would like very
much to know why you are so eager to
shun the word of the Lord? Cone,
speak out, now. Don't hang your head
in shame" the preacher added, now
thoroughly alive to the issue and show
ing by his air, an air of pious intoler-
ance and self-appointed evangelism,
that he would soon deliver a telling
blow. "Come, | say, why do you hesi-
tate? Let these Christians here know
why you desire to run away from the
word of the Lord"
The gentleman replied; 81 hope, sir,
that you will not mistake my actions.
| am not embarrassed in the presence q
of so young saint. | have spent near
ly all my life in preaching the gospel,
and while | appreciate the great concern
which you have shown in regard to me,
must say that your uneasiness Is quite
i'll timed. Under other conditions |
would be amused at the caperings of a
supple youth, but my heart is almost
broken tonight. | leave the church
because have just heard that my little
boy is dead. Good evening, sir. = ar
kansap 7rareler.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

The amenities Of journalism do not
prevail to any considerable extent in
Colorado. The "Sweetwater Gazette"
remarks: "rhe mean, NANCY and meas
ly fraud, Dresser, who runs the vile
sheet across the alley, Is an idIotic inn
becile, horse-thIef and squaw, and
has no more soul than horned toad"
To which the Sweetwater Herald" re-
spends: "The rantankerous, biscuit
heeled Smith IL contemplate liar"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

Professor TO first applicsnt)-Name
and age, sir? First student-Abuer Bas-
com; age, IL. Professor ITO second ap-
plicant)--And you, sir? Second student
-Phineas Bascom; age II. Professor
Brothers? Second student Yes, cir; !;
Professor-Twinsf Second student
(doubtfully)-well, ye-es; twins on our
fathers side. We'rc from Salt Lake.
Professor-0h, oh!
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

"And he buried him in q valley in the lant
Of Moab, over against Beth-peor; but no maj
knoweth Of his sepulchre unto this day"
By Nebos lonely mountain,
On this side Jordan's wave,
In a vale in the land of Moab
There lies lonely grave.
But no man knows that sepulchre,
And no man saw it eer,
For the angel Of God upturn'd the sod
And laid the dead man there.
That was the grandest funeral
That ever passd on earth;
But no man heard the tramping
Or saw the train go forth.
Noiselessly as the daylight
Comes when the night is done,
And the crimson streak on oceans cheek
Grows into the great sun
Noiselessly az the spring-time
Her crown Of verdure weaves,
And all the trees on all the hills
Open their thousand leaves;
SO, without sound Of music,
Or voice Of them that wept,
Silently down from the mountains crown
The great procession swept.
Perchance the bald old eagle
On gray Beth-peor's height,
Out OF his lonely eyrie
Looked on the wondrous sight:
Perchance the lion, stalking,
Still shuns that hallowd spot,
For beast and bird have seen and heard
That which man knoweth not.
Lo, when the warrior dieth,
His comrades in the war,
With arms reversed and m uffied drum,
Follow the funeral car;
They show the banners taken,
They tell the battles won,
And after him lead his masterless steed,
While peals the minute gun.
Amid the noblest Of the land
Men lay the sage to rest,
And give the bard an honored place,
With costly marble drest,
In the great minister transept,
Where lights like glories fall.
And the choir sings, and the organ rings
Along the emblazoned wall.
This was the truest warrior
That ever buckled sword,
This the most gifted poet
That ever breathed a word;
And never earths philosopher
Traced, with his golden pen,
On the desthless page, truths half 80 sage
As he wrote down for men.
And had he not high honor
The hillside for q pail,
To lie in state. while angels wait,
With stars for tapers tall,
And the dark rock-pines like tossing plumei
Over his bier to wave.
And Gods own hand, in that lonely land,
To lay him in the grave?
In that strange grave without name.
Whence his uncofined clay
Shall break again, wondrous thought!
Before the judgment day,
And stand with glory wrapt around
On the hills he never trod,
And speak OF the strife that won our life
With the Incarnate Son Of God.
lonely grave in Moab's land!
o dark Beth-peor's hill
Speak to these curious hearts OF ours.
And teach them TO be still.
God hath His mysteries OF grace,
Ways that we cannot tell;
He hides them deep, like the hidden sleep
Ofhim He loved 30 well.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

SIS Washington's birthday celebrated
in Texas?" asked a New Yorker who
was visiting San Antonio. "0bseryed!"
exclaimed the astonished native; "why
it's venerated. 1t takes four carloads
of beer to fill the demand on that sacred
dav -
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

"What are the last teeth that come:''
asked teacher Of her class in physiolo-
gy. "False teeth, num-" replied boy
who had just woke up on the back seat.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

Spa, why does man break a promise
60 readily?" Because, my son, it Is so
easy TO make another one."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

CCHOOL STATIONERY.-Justr received q
y large supply OF all kinds OF school station
scratchers from cents to 20 cents Tablets
from cents to SO cents; Five Quires of Com
mercial Note Paper for 20 cents; xxx En-
velopes at cents D package (25); Colored Pen
ellis for drawing and other pencils cheaper
than was ever known; Black, Violet and Red
Inks very cheap; Copy-books and Exercise
books at almost any price. We make q spe-
cialty Of fine stationery.
Sep. Is, S5-iw. BAKER & McMURRAN.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
COAL! COAL! COAL!

Ill and l have been especially careful in
purchasing only the very best quality, entire
ly free from slate. Don't fail to examine my
stock and prices before purchasing.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
Valuable Real Estate
FOR SALE.

WE hsve for sale some valuable farms
w ranging from 10 to 325 acres, dwellings
in town and country, flour mills, saw mills,
warehouses, mill seats with water-power
suitable for manufacturing purposes, build
ing lots, &c, on easy terms.
We have also for sale a large number Of
farms in Fauquier and adjoining counties in
Virginia. A full description and prices can
be seen by calling at our office.
We have just published our Real Estate
Journal, giving full description of above
property, which We will send to any one de-
string copy. For further particulars call on
or address FLEMING & SNYDER,
Real Estate Agents, Shepherdstown, W. Va.
We have permission to refer TO Hon. a. r.
Boteler, B. +. Harrison, Cashier Jefferson
Savings Bank, Geo. NJ. Beltzhoover, Esq,
Attorney -at-Law, DR.. John Reynolds, NJ. ID.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

T OOK HERE!-If you want good and pure
i 4 seasonings; II you want fresh medicines:
II you want fine notions and cheap; If you
want fine cigars and tobaccos: ifyou want
you want the best paints and paint-brushes
IL you want anything kept in drug stores. 60
to BAKER & MCMURRAN.
Oct. %, lSS5-4w
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20

Of Confidence.

Avcp,c Sarsaparlla Is q medicine that,
AIEn y during nearly 40 years, in all
parts of the world, has proved It's effi-
cacy as the best blood Alternative known
tn modical scianpp
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1885-11-20
The Burial Of Moses.

"And he buried him in valley in the LAND
Of Moab, over against Beth-peor; but no mar
knoweth Of his sepulchre unto this day"
Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-08-31
A TRIP TO THE YELLOWSTONE.
a Couple of Salt Lakers Recife the
Reauties of Wonderland.

Mr.. G. f. and Harry Culmer returned
to Salt Lake Saturday night from two
weeks tour throughout the Yellowstone
Park. Both gentlemen are looking first
class. and during q moments converse
ton to-day with q DEMOCRAT reporter
Harry said with emphasis that the
National Park is a great place to visit.
The way TO get there is by Beaver canyon
to Firehole basin, in the centre OF the
famous collection of curiosities.
A great many English tourists go
principally toward making up the
visitors there, and the hotels are
damned full of visitors during the season,
now about over. Considerable dissatis-
faction exists there on the part OF the
Yellowstone Park Improvement Associa-
ton regarding the manner the hotels and
accommodations are conducted. 1t is pos
sible to make a tour of the Yellowstone a
perfect picnic from commencement to
end if the government would look into
the matter and make the required appro-
priations needed to improve the entire
park. While trip is attended with some
roughing-it, still the unsurpassed beau
ties oil the PARK amply coInpen-
safe for it all. Mr.. Culmer brought
back with him several thousand acres of
scenery, including sketches of the Grand
Falls of the Yellowstone land Shoshone
Falls of Snake river, which he claims
surpass in beauty, hight and quantity of
water the world-renowned Niagara,
and they are said to be infinitely
more imposing-to an artist, at least.
Several sketches of the famous geysars,
Minerals Terrace, ETC., were made and
will within few days grace the wallis OF
the possessor's domicile.