The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1885-12-03
PHUNNY CRAFTS.
HITHERTO UNPUBLISHED.

| h4AdEh1O
Is maiden better when she's tough
Mikado
Why is it that laborer's wages are still
hire when they are reduced?
''What Told My Wife, is the title of 6
new book. It is almost needless to saw il
is fiction.-Puck.
| An English magazine asks: "Why has
art declined?" Perhaps art has never
been properly invited NewYork Graphic
bath robe, gentle Eulalie, is robe
worn to the bathroom, just as a buffalo
robe Is robe worn while hunting buffa-
loes.-Punch.
ButtOns-"M issus told me to come down
and tell you she was not at home" Huff
cut. $50 back and tell your mistress say
[ haven't called."-Tid-Bits
The girl of the period now carries her
hands In her overcOat pocket just like a
man-partly because it's English and
partly, doubtless, because there are holes
in her gloves.-Lowell Citizen.
A poet says kiss is "the meeting of
souls" Hence, we presume that a kiss in
the dark happens only when two souls ac-
cldentally run against each other by rea-
son of lack of light.--Lowel Citizen.
The American citizen is very much better
off than a king. While it took eight doc
tors to get away with the royal Alfonso,
one doctor generally does the business for
a citizen of the United States Courier
Journal.
Mrs. Beacon new to housekeeping)-
"Good morning, Mr.. Cults. Can you give
me good piece of roast beef?" Super
cilious butcher Madam, I can give YOU
good piece of beef to roast Harvard
LampOon.
First Gascon- eldest son was born
with two teeth" Second ditto mot to be
outdone) milne had slight indications of
a beard" Third (triumphantly)-My
daughter was born ready vaccinated.-
Paris News.
You have to call for MISUNDERSTANDING
orin Sweden when you want match. Usu-
ally it is daylight when you get through,
and you don't need one. The Swedes are
very economical people.-Somerville
Journal.
"Why does marriage make men thought
ful?'' asked young lady of an old
bachelor.
''Wen suppose it is because they are
continually wondering what's going to
happen next"
The latest dude agony in New York is
to shave the moustache down to a narrow
fringe one-eigth of an inch along the
curve of the upper lip. The dude finds
his greatest difficulty in getting the
ustache.-Picayune. SEas
Burlington Free Press: ga Massachu-
sets man brought jug of cider to the
editor of his country weekly and the
knight eff the quill Immediately shut him
self in and hung out placard saying,
This is my busy day"
'sWhat do those letters stand for?" ask
ed curious wife of her husband, as she
looked at his Masonic seal. ''Well, really,
my love, The replied encouragingly, II pre-
sumo it is because they can't sit down."
She postponed further questioning.
New York Sun: "When I last dined
with you, Mrs. Ferguson" said the minis
ter, "a remarkably neat and tidy young
girl waited on US. Is she no longer with
your ''No, SIR" replied Bobby, una dis
charged her because she was too pretty"
doan know why er pusson wants ter
cut IF er dog tail. If Natur hadn't wanted
de dog ter had er tail she would N hab gin
him one. It IS er pityful sight ter see er
glad dog try ter wag his tail when he amt
got none. 1t pus me in mine DER man dat
hab los bof arms tryin' ter shake hams wild
er frien'.-Arkansaw Traveller.
Arabella-'sNow do tell me, dear, why
you broke your engagement with Mr..
Golden" Julia-"Well, I found he was
too fond of drawing and painting" Ara
bella-"Why, should think that would
just suit you, with your artistic tastes"
Julia-"But his taste ran to drawing checks
and painting the town."-Harper's Ba-
Zaar.
A few days ago two men were in Smiths
barber shop. One had red hair and the
other was bald-headed. Red hair to bald
head-aYou were not around when they
were giving out hair?" Bald-head- Yes,
I was there; but they only had little red
hair left and wouldn't take il. "-Bowers-
vile, (Ga.) Union.
For the Courier-Journal.]