Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-10-25
"A BUDGET or BILLINGS.
Specimen Grist Ground at the Mill
OF the Great Humorisi.
Wisdom as Well as Wit Concerning Sub
jects OF Familiar iuterest---SOund :.
Sense in the Midst of the
Showering Sparks Of
fun--Sunbeams.

Henry W. Shaw, who died at Monterey,
Cal. recently, had reached the short mark
of three-score and ten, having still five
years Of the scriptural allotment in his ia
for. he lived long enough, however, to
enjoy richer harvest Of fame and wealth
from bis works than any other American
humorist, except perhaps, Mark Twain.
Josh Billings success was almost an acct.
dent. His wittiest and Wiset'ssyiDgs passed
unheeded until he followed Artemus Wards
example, and began systematic course Of
phonetic spelling. His first noteworthy at.
tempt in the humorous hne was an "Esss
on the Muel," and his last astonishing sue
cess was in 1888, when he started the
Farmers Alminsx." From the latter he
Melted $4,000 within ten years. At bis
death Mr.. Shaw was worth about JOG, 000,
mach Of which was gained while writing
at 800 week for q New York story pa.
per. Some of the best specimens Of the
humorist's writings are appended:
The Detachable Oyster.
Mi opinyun ov oysters on the haf shell
remains unchanged. / konsider them bet.
ter vittles than ever Jupiter or biz wife
Juno swallowed, altho they had the pick ov
all the best provishuns in their day. But
kant say that woman kan take an oys.
ter oph from shell without spiliDg the eff
feet. 1t il one ov them gimnastic feats
they should slwas prakliss fust for Tong
time in the subdued stiffness ov Gum pri
vate pantry. They are called "bivslves"
by the unlearned, but this IL o vulgarizu.
The true nsmei IL goodbye valves, term
of affeckshun applied tew them when they
waz fust swallowed whole oph from the
half she'll A good opportunity for con,
trast between the POPULARITY of Billings and
the wit Of such persons as Ths, keray is Of,
fered here. Thsckeray once said, after eat.
ing particularly large raw oyster, that he
felt as though be had swallowed baby. II
-EDIToR.
The Interesting Frog.
The frog il. in the fust case, tadpole, aul
boldly and TAIL without cumming tew @
head. He travels in pond holes, bi the
side ov the turnpike, and IL accelerated b
The activity ov his tail which wriggles with
uncommon limberness and vivacity. b
anb bi, pretty soon, before leng, in few
daze, his tail IL no more, and legs begin Il
emerge from the South end ov the animal
and from the North end, at the same time
may be seen a disposition tew head out
In this cautious way the frog IL built
Frogs have 2 naturs ground AMI water
and are az free fom sin az an oytter.
never knu frog tew hurt ennybodsy who
paid his honest debts and took the daily
papers.
One Kind of Laugh.
There IL one kind cv laff that / alswyt
did recommend it looks out ov the eye
fust with merry twin kle. then it kreepI
down on it's hands and knees and plays
around the mouth like pretty moth around
the blaze ov kandle, then it steals over
into the dimples ov the cheeks and rides
around in thoze little whirlpools for while,
then it lites up the whole face like mello
bloom on damask roze, then it swims
oph on the air with peal az klear and az
happy az o dinner-bell then it goes bak agin
on golden tiptoez like an angel out for an
airing, ard laze down on irs little bed ov
violets in the heart WHARF it cum from.
A Fine Point In Natural History.
The length ov time that COOS kan stan
on one leg depends entirely upon na,iff en-
durauce oy the goose. A good tuf goose,
ehould think, mite do it for three weeks
bi shopping legs occasionally.
In Reply to Query.
Jordan is hard road to travel" i
kant tell you who was the inventor ov this
ssyipg-sum footsore Gus, probably, who
waz too lazytto keep boss and wagon, or
else hotel darby carryin' trunks all day.
The Pride of Ancestry.
AS near az ken rekolekt now mi an
sestors were in the ark with Noah. and had
a pr vate state room, just forward Of the
wheelbouee.