Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1885-10-15
LAW COURT INCIDENTS.
The Humor of the Cross-Examiner
and the yyitness-Funny Sayings and
DOInos on the Bench.

HIM strikingly exemplified in courts
of Justice, says Chambers Journal,
and tie Judge or barrister or any other
person of discrimination who has ar
rived at an old age in the service of q
law court must possess clear insight
into the traits and pecul;aritiGs of man
kind.
Nothing is so much appreciated in a
court of justice IS fun, and it is prin-
cipally this aspect of the qestion that
this paper intends to deal with. The
solemnity with which they are gener-
ally associated, and the serious issues
at stake, render wit and humor more
acceptable, as being a deviation from
the beaten path Of decorum. There
are times, however, when levity is
much out of place, although often ms
dulged in; for instance, 1t is most in
appropriate to find barrister joking
while the prisoner at the bar is charg-
ed with murder; and the jokes of a
judge who is constantly making fun,
if any little opportunity presents it
self, ia the end fall fiat, without leav-
ing any appreciate effect, which is
not the case when, now and then, this
high fuLctiOnary emits remark
which does not fail to call forth nGirth
and laughter.
A ready reply or cutting sarcasm is
sometimes used as weapon OF de-
Tense by 8 witness. Occasionally,
even in the most unimportant case,
he will be cross~examined by the OPP
posing counsel to such an extent that
unless he be a clear~headed and tank
ing person he will be liable to commit
himself. This is one of the aims of
counsel-to confuse the witnesses and
constantly remind them that they are
on oath. Some indulge in the latter
practice to an insufferable extent.
O'Connell was conspicuous for his
powers of examination. and of follow
ing up, if possible, any part Of the
evidence the Witress endeavored to
evade. During Munster circuit he
was engaged in a case where the ques-
ton was the validity of will, by
which property to some amount was
devised, but which the plaintiffs al
legged was forged. O'Connell noticed
that the subscribing witness during
examination swore that 1.-The testator
signed the will while life was in hir."
witness: 'Was it not that a live fly
was in the dead mans mouth while
his hand was placed on the will?"
The witness, Through fear, actually
confessed that this was the case.
A barrister named was defending a
prisoner charged With stealing don"
key, and was severe in his examina
ton of the witness. The case was
that the prosecutor had left the don
key tied to a gate, and on returning
it was gone. do you mean to say
Witness" said Missing, "the donkey
was stolen?n 81 mean to say, SIR"
was the reply, chat the ass was miss
ing"
A witness may be obstructive, and
give a barrister great trouble IN re-
tusing to answer questions pat to him;
but this methCd of procedure is not SO
effective as quick, sharp, and ready
repartee.
An eminent English architect was
being examined by counsel, who was
using every effort in his power to de-
preciate the witness opinion.
''You are builder, I believer"
mo, sir; am not builder; | am
an architect"
''Ah, well, builder or architect or
architect or builder-they are pretty
much the same, [ supposed"
Il beg your pardon; they are total
~ different"
ooh, indeed Perhaps you would
state wherein this great difference
consists"
s'An architect, sir, conceives the
design, prepares the plan, draws out
the specificatlon-in short, supplies
the mind. The builder is merely the
machine, the power that puts the
machine together aud sets it going"
'Oh, very well, Mr. Architect;
that will do. A very ingenious dis.
tinctiGn, without difference. Do
you happen to know who was the
architect of the tower of Babel?"
''There was no architect-hence the
ncofusion."
(Which way did the stairs run?"
a witness was once asked, and his
reply was THAT depended on circum
stances. If you are at the bottom,
they run up, but if you are On the top
they run down."
Curran was examining witness,
auu ldlIlnS u yet q UifcCb duSW WEI,
said: There is no use in asking you
questions, for see the villain in your
face"
do you, sir?" said the man, with
a smile. ''Faix, never knew my
face was a looking glass beforei"
prisoner at the bar" said judge,
''is there anything you would wish to
say before sentence is passed upon
you?' The prisoner looked toward
the door, and remarked that he would
like te say Good evening" if it was
agreeable to the company.
The sayings and doings of the bench
generally csmmaHd mOre attension
than any thing which emanates from
any other part of the court. Probably
it is kind of policy openly, if not in
wardly, to appreciate the judges jokes
on account Of a high judicial position.
Some judges have been remarkable
for their wit in giving decisions and