davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
Wherein Men aud wonen Differ.


When a woman becomes furried che
feels for a FAM when man becomes fur.
ried he feels for cigar.
Women Jump at conclusions and geDer-
ally hit meH reason things out logically
and generally miss it.
Some women can't pass q millinery
store without looking in; some men cant
pass q saloon without going in.
A woman never sees q baby without
wanting to run to it; q man never sees
baby without wanting to run away from it
Women love admiration, appreciation,
selfimmola,ion on the part Of others, and
are often weak, vain aud frivolous. DITTO
men.
A woman always carries her purse in
her hand so that other women will see it; Q
man carries his in his inside pocket SO
that his wife can't see it.
A woman can sit in q theatre for three
hours without getting all cramped up,
catching the toethsche or becoming faint
for want of fresh air; g man can't.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
An Important ptscorsrx.

The most important discovery is that
which brings the most good to the grestest
number. Dr. Kings New Discovery for
Consumption, Coughs and Colds, will pre-
serve the health and save life, and is 9
priceless boon to the afflicted. Not only
does it positively cure Consumption, bat
Coughs, Colds, Bronchitis, Asthma, Hoarse.
ness, and ali affections Of the Throat, Chest
and Lungs, yield at once to its wonderful
curative powers. If you doubt this, &c: q
Trial Bottle Free, at Logan 4 Co.'S Dag
StoRe.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
FUNNY COLUMN.
BIr. Blaine Remembered Chris.
Ckfcaco Herald.

Chicago Herald.
"Let me tell you little story about Jim
Blaine aud Frank Hstton," said passen'
ger from Burlington "a few years ago
Blaine was out in Iowa making spefches,
ard Hatton was then Chairman OF our
State Committee, and of course went along
with az big q man as Blaine to the various
meetings They were on the cars one day
going to a country town 10 speak at 9
meeting, when Blaine turned to Hatton
and said: AT his town we're going to |
believe there is q man named Chris Schla-
gle, isn't thereY Yes replied Hatton,
and know him by sight. IF you see
him on the grounds, said Blaine, point
him out to me. ! used to know him down
in Washington county, Pennsylvania.
After Blaine and Hstton had got upon the
stand, and while some local orator was
speaking, Hatton spoke to Blaine and told
him where Senlsgle was standing. Blaine
got up and marched straight for the man
pointed out to him. How are you Chris ?
he exclaimed, holding out his hand; I re-
member you well. You have changed
very little since knew you down in Wssh.
inston county. / never forget q face.
dow is Mrs. Schlagler 'B-but my name
amt Schlsgle, replied the astonished
farmer; my name is Scheimerhorn, and ]
never was in Pennsylvania in my life
Blaine walked back to the platform quite
discounted. Hatton said be had made
mistake, but Blaine looked at him in 3
queer sort Of q way, as if to say: I'll get
even with you yet Hatton never shed
tear when the news came last fall that
Blaine was defeated"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
One Cannot be Too Careful.
NssHGh / WiJ.) Timss.

Watermelons grow too large this year,
and where the family is small it is rather
hard work 10 make way with whole one
before the freshness ia gone. The matter
came up IS practical problem at Men
asha dinner table the other day. The sug-
gestion was made that it might be well 10
ps'ronize the dealers who sell half mel
ons. But another member exclaimed
That would never do; you haven't the
slightest idea what disreputsble family
may get the other hal"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
How the Actor Propo ed

That reminds me of 3 good lie heard
about Jim O'Neill. 1t is said that when
he was ABOUT to propose to his wife he be-
came greatly embarrassed, and seemed as
if something allied him. He tit as if
something was out Of keller. He glanced
about him, and his eye frightened. "Ab,
pray excuse me a minute" he said, and
wheeled small sofa to the corner OF the
room aud resErapgsd the furniture. Then
he led his bride that vas to be to q seat On
the sofa, knelt beside her, and poured into
her ear the tale of love he had 90 often
uttered before amid similar surroundings
on the stage This is doubtless lie, but
il is sn artistic one.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
A Great 0ars.ion.

Here ia the truth ia nut shell uttered
b. Wendell Phil % Is years ago: HOY
~ make the lAoorlpg msa SO-S less and
have more will have - be considered. For,
in spirs o! 81 social science and all the dry
Ibsoriziuy that Is flung ~ US from the did
f-rsD, churches and societies N the course
Of year. sill msin'sin that the ideal
civilization which Is 10 come, spd which IS
The Effort Of every man to hasten, 10 all
wrapped up IN that on PrlrclPi', that the
mas Of mankind work !. IS aud erjoy
themselves more. Every thirty years since
Christ d.ei-every tbuty years have al
can I'd tJEard thar snd-svvTy tbir y years
Of ,hs las, tso hundred has been an i'd
vance so marked thai Any one eau see IL
Flroye is ,readirg forward 10 the day when
The mss OF men shall work less and enjoy
moe aud ma ia the goal a. Rhich We aim,
and our OILS Ubi-c, in this movement is to
bsrea the progress OF humanity 10 that
direction,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
A Too EhectuaI, Fervent Prayer.
Tsr1s giGfD1s

Little Johnny Frizzletop got the idea
into his head from attending Sunday
school that be could get anything he want.
ed by simply praying for it A few even
irgs ago while engaged in his devotiODs be
prayed for base ball. a pony, new suit
Of Sunday clothes, q shotgun, quarter OF
dollar and various other things which he
wanted. While Johnny was thus praying
his brother Tommy burst into tears and
said in an sgouized voice: Mamma, please
make Johnny stop. Hes praying every
thing away from me"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
On the Eve of BOyhood

A gentleman passing along Franklin
street yesterday saw two children, sppa.
rently 5 and years old, playing in the
gutter. The elder wore pantaloons, while
the younger still chung to intsntiIe dresses
Stopping, he addressed the boy with
psntslooDs: Are you both boysY' mo"
was the snswer; I'm one and Johuny's
going to be one next week"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
DIED.

CR0U -E-0n Saturday morning. o. ober 81,
1sss, al 7o'cloSk, At sisnbeE vile, o, EENA ",
vile Of Jacob Crouse.
FantrAl Monday moFEirg, November "a, .. II
O'Clock, iron P, C 81 I. r r, AZ wheeling ss-
pot IuttrnsRt Ct MI Wed.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
Sew works. AnflPstbT to Chicago.
~ ~ a M

Lily Lsngtry is showing tie world how
well Virgil spoke when he said that the
descent to sheolis very easy. The actress
has gone With q Observation-Disclosures
gait from tho champagne and ices Of Bel
gravia to the gin and cheese of Bohemia;
and Mrs. Langtry begins her next season
in this country at Chicago.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
The Joke OF NIaud's Pa.
BiHghGmtOR RsPgb!ieGH.

Psps (Soberly)-That was quite mon
stroslty you bad in the parIor last evening"
Maud (usttlsd) -"Indeei That must
depend upou onss understanding Of the
term strosity
Papa (thoughtfully)-"Tell two heads
upon one pair Of shoulders, for example"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
LABOR,
n. Latest Industrial IntsIh'
gencs
ann At HOME AND ABROAD
v,,,yorsingmsn are Saying and DOING
Movements Of Manufacturers
and the State Of the
Markets.
o,,,a Wages and Good Times

l. !, also q question for economists
,.,Ssr such strong combinations OF cap,
S s|I.. now exist, using their accumulated
"a . a Are not actually forcing the rate OF
P o.s down to 8 point at which ell trade
:! VS. ;rr;pTiously affected; whether indeed,
Is Is, ~ .s,rpt depression Of business is not
us sns 10 this cause. Cheap labor may
PsI"SS doubtful boom, after oil, to the manu-
o % - Doubtless be thinks its vitality
.a~.o-,spt for him TO buy his own labor IN
~. W Cbsspsst market, but be can also see
' ,1s !, would be for bis great advantage II
' ~ he rest OF workmen could sell their Ia
SIN - IN Inc dearest market If they could,
. ~ = would have plenty Of money TO spend,
~ there would be . demand for his
81 Wage workers are consumers OF
,oaSs and they constitute a considerable
sso.,s Of the population. ls it rot for the
; sUnl Of tbe producers Of goods that
80 should be ~ large 3 class OF eonsn-
49, a. possible, with plesty OF money IN
,bsi, dockets?
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
Words Sweet as Oil but Keen rs swords.
HnrfIord pou

Good morning, Ciceley, dear; l was
just going by, and couldn't help dropping
in to ask you about the new feather trim.
ming" Isn't it lovelyH' well, yes, l
rather Ike it; but I'm afraid it will soon
be as common as sealskin sacks" That
would be pity. Only think, l haven't
worn my sealskin since you had yours.
There were few daggerlike chances, and
that morning call was ended
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
The Wedding Present.
Val Street NetrS.

The wedding guests had departed, and
the happy couple were making ready to 60
to the depot, when the newly made father
in law approached the newly made son-in-
Law and said: Julius, 8 didn't place q
check for $4,000 under Haitie's plate, as
is often done" No, sir; you didn't"
1t stead of that, julius, l credited the
amount to you on deal in wheat. It's go
much margin put up by sou, you see!'
Yes, sir; in case you call for more mar
gins and l can't put up youll-you'll--"
Close you out, of course, Julius. Good
bye, and may the Lord bless both my dear
children"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
81. Rirht Way Of Looking at It.

Awo.kingman who gets eighty cents per
-, c-n,s,sinF nth friend who was
w. the necessity OF 3 loser rat- OF in
go, on uorry. Why" says be, don't
a. 80 ;nrerys. on mon,y loSes | have q
L1n5,sd dollar, in the savings bank and 1t
5oysne a PAIR Of boots every year" Now,
mi, Illustrates the nsrrow view which too
o rI controls oDiuiOa With interest at
O one per cent the wsgss Of ali ordinary Is.
Sor would bs doubled This man would
,Ssn receive $3.50 per day instead Of 50
c cent Masipg allowance for the Increase
Of prices. he would De st least one hundred
S,Ii,rs be, er OF at tee close Of the year
Money at lo3 rates Of interest supplied IN
.5np5,pcs secures steady employment
When money is scarce aud interest high
fac workipgman has scsnt wages and
.e,u,y employment also Our Country.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
She Saw Fair Play for RaTeE,


The other day dog which was follow
ing a carriage turned aside and ran into o
yard on Park street. He might have ex-
pected 10 pick up q fall and winter stock
Of bones, but in this he was disappointed,
He was about turning away when 8 dog
owned in the house few out and rushed
upon him in reckless manner, and in the
course Of ten seconds there was biteas
bite can contest Of the 6ercest description.
A woman considerably past the prime OF
life came out Of tee house IS the dogs
rolled around, picked up club lying on
the grass near By, and seemed about 10 en-.
ter the struggle. She raised the club two
or three times, but let it fall as often,
and finally stood an interested spectator
of the fight. Among the dozen
pedestrians hating at the gate was man,
who called out: Say, stop ON Stop
'enp The woman raised her club, but
hesitsted to strike, Why don't you stop
EN- I" shouted the msn. I'm waiting she
replied. For whatI-don't you see
they'll kin cash otherTi In waiting to
see how it comes out; If my dog can lick
him ms al right; if he gets the bulge on
Rover I'll even up the chances with this
club" Rover got 8 neck hold, and shook
the stranger until his yells were heard 8
block sgsy, and, when he was finally per-
mitted TO sneak Of, The woman flung down
her club and mounted the steps with the
remark: Nobody nor nothing has been
killed IS ! knows Oh, and every one Of you
co9ld see that it was q square fight, and
victory fer the best aoS. Please don't rub
the paint Of that gate"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01

Cons yield to onions Ike msgic, but
DR.. Bulls Cough Syrupis 9 still better ard
BY far more agreeable means Of curing 8
cold or cough. You can buy bottle for
% cents at any drug store, and We are
sure it viii do the work every time.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01

CHocoLArE JELLY CAEE.-One-quarter
pound butter, 2 cupfuls sugar, 8 eggs. 3
cupfuls -four, caplul milk, leFeI tes
spooaful soda, tesspoonfuls OF cream tar
tar, one tesspoonful extract of lemon.
Cream for between cakes: One cupsul
chocolate, eupful sweet milk, yolks Of 2
eggs o., instead Of eggs, substitute table
sboonful coan, sne cupfuls sugar; boil
as stiff IS Jelly, stir ell the time; this re-
quires boiling over half an hour to be stiff
enough; when cool add l teaspoonful ex.
tract OF VaDlllS.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01
For Rent.

XIvANTED-Lady Agents for "Daisy" Shirt snd
w Stocking Supporters, Slender Braces, room
Forms, ! ress Shields, kubier Ginsham Bib,
Aprons, S.e'es, Insnu' Diapers, etc. Uur 900
agents ars max money fast so can gu. Address,
With siamp. z II. CAMPBELL 90, No. 49, ".
Randolph e., Chicago. iep20Tu.Thisu gu
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01

To properly commemorate MISS B.'LFE'5 sp-
pearanee here, the management have made ar
Tangsments to present. every purcba'er Of Re
rervtd Seat an llxi4 Phologrsph Of the entire au-
6ience at every pcr'ormaUcs as they hre seated In
the Theatre. inc uding one Of MISS b LIE, being
the Grandsst Souvenir yet prs'eSted Ia America
The Theatre will be illuminated with 30.oOO
CANDLE POWER by tina BTush Arc Light,
Machine manufactured eGprAssy for this purposs
at the enormous ex pen,e OF S!9'O0; the lens used
In the Photography being mar uisctured by the
sooVili Manu- acturlpg Company.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-11-01

nBAdui sSion So aud rs cents. No extra ehirge
for reserved seats. sale Of tcats at Banners
Monday, November 2. otS
, 1885-05-06

department Of Northeast Virginia and
the defences Of Washington on the Vir-
ginia side of the Potomac, and on May
p to the army Of the Potomac, which he
commanded at the battle Of Bull Run,
July 81. On the accession Of Gen. Nc
Clellan to command, Mcdowell was as
signed to the command of a division Of
the army Of the Potomac, and on the re
organization of hat army, March, 1862,
Of the first corps of that army, and made
major-general of volunteers. He was
placed in command of the department Of
the Rappahannock, April 1862; Of the
third army corps (army Of Virginia. Au-
gust, 1862, and during Gen. Pope's cam
paign in Northern Virginia, was engaged
at Cedar mountain, Rappahannock sta
ton and the second Bull Run. In July,
1864, he received the command Of the de-
partment of the Pacific; and Of the de-
partment OF the east in 1868. In No
vember, 1872, he vas promoted to major
general. u. s. A, and assigned to the
command Of the division of the South,
from which he was in 1888 transferred to
the division Of the Pacific
, 1885-05-06
FERTILE LANDS IN PATAGONIA.
Not a Bleak and sterf1o waate-vaIieyi
Of beauty and Fertility.
pce~ v-t o.u.

Not n Bleak and ster1o waate-vaIIeys
of beauty and Fertility.
New York SUM-
The expeditions of the Argentine re
public which in the past two years have
driven troublesome Indians in the
southern part of that country west of
the Andes, have brought home remark
able reports Of Patagonia, q large part
Of which they crossed in various dfrec-
tons. Patagonia has been generally
supposed to be a bleak and sterile waste.
The Argentine expeditions, however,
report the discovery there OF a vast ex-
panse Of beautiful and fertile country
capable of supporting a very large popu-
lation
These fertile regions are said to form
q quadrilateral extending from the
Limay or Negro river, about 40 degrees
sonth latitude, far toward the straits
Of Magellan. They are nSout 100 to
100 miles wide, and lie between the
Andes and the barren country strewn
with lava and extinct volcanoes that
begins midway between the two oceans
and extends to the Atlantic.
Gen. Nillegas, who, in 1888 led a part
Of the Argentine army into these
regions, reports TO the minister of wal
that they will prove a rich prize to the
republic when the pampas, 200 miles
vide. that separate them from Buenos
Ayres, are crossed by rail. He says the
soil will supply a very large variety Of
products, and that the country abounds
In lakes and small rivers, and is well
adapted for colonization. .I.u
col. Roa, who in the same year led
his command far south in Patagonia,
marching in various directions over
/, 900 miles, has recently reported that
the numerous valleys in the region Of
the Andes are unsurpassed in beauty
and fertility. Some Of them, he says,
are exceedingly rich in pasturage, tim
Der and water. He also found many
evidences of minerals in the mountains.
A large part Of Patagonia, he says must
hereafter be considered n promising
deld for enterprise, instead of a barren
land, destitute of all the advantages to
make it a home for mankind
, 1885-05-06

In a certain temple there was a
wooden idol which began to utter pro-
phetic answers and to give wise connsels.
Accordingly, it rejoiced in n very rich
attire, being covered from top to toe
with gold and silver, and was gorged
with sacrifices, deafened by prayers and
choked with incense. Every n be-
lieyed blindly in the Oracle.
All of a sudden-wonderful to relateI
the Oracle began to talk nonsense
took to answering incoherently and alb
surdly, so that, IL any one consulted it
about anything, whatever our Oracle
said was a lie; SO that every one won
dered what had become of its prophetic
faculty. The fact vas that the idol was
hollow and the priests used to sit in it
in order to reply 10 the laity, and so, as
long as the priest was discreet, the idol
did not talk nonsense, but, when a fool
took to sitting in it, the idol became q
mere dummy.
| have heard-can it be truel-thati in
days gone by there used to be judges who
were renowned for ability-so long as
they kept an able secretary.
, 1885-05-06

News IRON India Is boding no good to
Great Britain. Earl Dufferin, the wee
roy is reported as about to resign his Of
flee. 1t is apparent to him. evidently,
that unless England carries out the prom
ises made through him to the Indian
princes and the ameer, his influence will
be injured in such a degree that 1t would
be useless if not dangerous for hun to re-
main in India The task OF governing
India is one of great difficulty and dan
ger. The sometimes stealthy, sometimes
, 1885-05-06

Maj. Gen. Irwin Mcdowell. u. $. A,
died in San Francisco at midnight, May
4, from n disease Of the stomach; he had
been in a critical condition for two weeks.
At the time Of his death he was in com
mand Of the division OF the Pacific.
Irwin Mcdowell was born al Columbus,
o.. Oct. 10, 1878: educated at tho Col
lege de Tnoyes. France, and at the United
States military academy, from which lat
ter he graduated July J., 1888. Ap-
pointed second lieutenant of artillery in
the army; he was adjutant at West
Point from ls4l to 20; aide-de-camp to
Gen. Wool in 1916, as adjutant general Of
his division in the war with Mexico, and
subsequently Of the army Of occupation
At the battle Of Buena Vista he gained
the brevet Of captain, and in May. ls47,
he was appointed assistant adjutant gen
eral. being promoted 10 major in 1856.
Ordered to Washington at the beginning
Of the war, he served some time as in
spector Of troops. in organizing and mus
tering volunteers. Appointed brgadier
general in May. 1861, he was three days
later assigned 10 the command Of ths
, 1885-05-06

y $3.50
Perhaps some esteemed subscribers wn be
grieved whom they got the correct answer 70
the problem" presented in The News re-
Gently. "The month Of February, just
pas cd. had four Sundays four Mondays and
four OF every other day in the week. Can
some one fond Of figures work out the prob.
EN-: Whom will this occur againF" Since
this was published many able mathemati
clans have labored on the problem, and 10
plies are beginning 10 come In from all part
Of the state. None Of them are right
"A subscriber from 1873" sends the fol
lowing; Every common year this century
will have the same number Of days each in
February, but in the rotation OF this year II
will not occur until 1891, which will be sis
years hence, and not again till 1908, IA, %
81, "a, '53, so, 10. 's1, '67 and 1898"
Another esteemed correspondent says
February, 1891, will correspond with Feb
ruary, 1886. in regard to four Sundays, etc.
Now, the fact is that In every year wher
February has twenty-eight days IL will have
four Sundays. four Mondays and four Of
each day in the week.
, 1885-05-06

- 49, AA1H@N t
On the lower ridge of the Japanese
island Of Sado is a fine growth Of pine
trees, the homo of crows innumerable.
The Humber is remarkable, even in this
land OF crows. In the morning, a great
whirring OF wings, discordant cries, and
n black cloud Of these birds flying over
the city, tell that they are off on a
foraging expedition, no one knows
whittier. In the early evening by the
same token their return is proclaimed.
They seem 10 move in organized com
panies and almost in military style, n
''many-wintered crow at the head of
each battalion leads the changing rock
cry home" In appearance they re-
semble the raven more than the COM
mon crow. They are not an unmiti-
gated nuisance, as they are good scav-
engers. But still there is such an army
of them the question often arises, on
what do they subsistl 1t is a we'll
known fact, however, that they are
c~annibalistic in their tendencies, the
sick and feeble nes being deyoured by
the strong.
, 1885-05-06

A DISPATCH from Washington, May 5,
says: Mr.. Randall called at the White
house to-day and had n long conversation
with the president He had some law
books with him, and read several passages
from them during the conversation. One
of these books was volume Of the Penn
sylvania supreme court reports, from which
he quoted an opinion in which It is held
as a general principle that the authority
vested in an executive officer TO appoint
carries with it the power Of removal, and
hat this power is not ~Abrogated by any
legislation, such for example as u tenure
of Office law, which might appear to re-
strict or conflict with it, The president
said to another caller later in the after
noon that he had determined to move
very slowly and deliberately in the matter
of making removals and appointments.
His judgment had suggested this course
before he entered upon his present duties,
and his brief experience had already dem
onstrated that this was the safest course.
There was no great need of haste and he
was convinced that those who were bring
ing the greatest pressure to bear to expe-
dite changes in the government service
were acting without giving the matter pa
ten, and careful consideration and per.
haps without as muck light On the subject
as he himself had. AT any rate. his reso-
luton had been taken. He had four years
in which to do his work and in future
should move with even more dehberntion
han in the past, az the results following
some things already done had very clearly
shown that it would have been better 10
move more carefully.