The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1885-10-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

If you would take things easy when
you are older, my son, You will find
that you must take good many things
that are not easy while you are young
BurGette.
1T is a curious fact that the wild
animal known as the candid man is
never able to see your good qualities,
but he snaps at Your bad ones like q
hungry trout at a fiy.-N. y. Herald.
NOW. Willie" said a coaxing
mother, II don't like to take medicine
any more than you do; but just make
up my mind to do it, and then do it. -
The child looked up through his tears
and replied: "And, mother, I just
make up my mind that won't, and then
I don't. ''-Boston Transcript.
-"Uncle James," said a Boston
young lady, who was spending few
days in the country, sis that chicken by
the gate Brahmin?'' '.No," replied
Uncle James, she's Leghorn." "Why,
certainly. to be sure" said the young
lady. ''How stupid of me! can see
the horns On his ankles. ~ y. Sun.
Ethel used to play a good deal in
the Sabbath-schOol class. One day she
had been verv quiet. She sat up prim,
and behaved herself SO nicely that after
the recitation was over the teacher re-
marked: Ethel, my dear, you were q
very good little girl to-day" "Yes' m.
1 couldn't help being good. 1 dot tit
neckr'-7oLedo Blade.
please will you give me a piece Of
ice for my father? He's SICK" said o
little girl to the driver of an ice-cart, the
other day. 'What's your father sick of,
sissy" asked the driver, as he broke .
chunk from cake with q pick and gave
it to the girl. "Please, sir, he's sick Of
the heat" she replied, as she walked
away.-Bost0a Courier.
You say there is no timber on the
cattle ranges?'' asked the professor.
'.Not bush. replied the cowboy, mot
a twig." mo coal. no driftwood in the
streams, NO fuel of any klnd?" mot a
chip. sir.'' ''Then how do you cook your
meals?" ION the range" said the cow
boy. And the professor was just going
to ask ''what ranger" when he suddenly
remembered that it was time to wind his
wateh.-Go den Lays.
-McBeth Simmons, an Onion Creek
farmer, while in Austin few days ago,
took his dinner st the Brunswick Hotel,
There happened to be an old gentleman
at the dinner table who adjusted the end
of the napkin around his throat before
he began to feed himself. Simmons
looked at him for a minute, glanced
around the dining-room, and then said:
II say. Mister. amt you in the wrong
box? This isn't barber-shOp."-Tsx-
as Siftings.
"A Juvenile New Yorker visiting in
South Boston was shown the other day
a building which had been moved from
City Point to another portion of the
peninsula by means Of floats. He was
much interested in the matter, and after
apparently exhaus,ins the fund OF in or
nation to be obtained by questioning.
was silent for = moment. Then sudden
~ one more question suggested itself te
him: .'HOw did they get the cellar
arcund?"-Boston Joa,nok.
The laziness and impudence of tho
waiter of an Austin restaurant surpass
belief. Colonel Percy Yerger had or
dered hasty breakfast. He said to the
waiter: Hurry up that breakfast l
want 10 catch the sOuth-bound train that
leaves for San Antonio in half an hour"
ESQ putty sure, boss" replied the
waiter. ''dat de steak amt gwineter to
be done in time for de souf-bound trair
for San Antonio, but you can get your
steak in time to catch de MORT -bOun0
train what goes to Dallas in IN hour and
. half "-1s1ss G1tiNoa