davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
Emery Storrs' First Fee.

once heard Storrs, says a Wash
ington correspondent, tell of the first
fee he ever received. He was first
admitted to the bar and was in the
Office of prominent lawyer of an
interior city in Illinois. A farmer
who had a COW killed by a railway
train employed him to prosecute a
suit for damages, and Storrs got a
verdict for $75. A few days after
the farmer came in rubbing his hands
in great glee, and congratulated Storrs
on the eloquent speech he made to the
jury. "The old critter wasn't worth
more than $15," said the farmer, "and
how you got s75 for her is more than
1 can comprehend. 1t must have
been that speech of yours. ] know
it was that speech, and I'll pay liber-
ally, my boy. Have you collected
the judgement ?"
II have" replied Storrs.
"Then we'll settle, and I'll pay you
literally, too.
Storrs handed out $15, saying :
"There's your share of it."
"How's that?" asked the astonish-
ed farmer.
"Well. you say your old COW was
worth only S15, and you admit my
speech was worth $50. Amt you sat-
isfed ?"
"Waal, no." responded the farmer,
II don't think it quite honest"
"Then take that, you blank cor
morant," exclaimed Mr.. Storrs, throw
ing out another So bill.
Storrs, had only one child, a son,
George Storrs, who at last accounts was
in the office of Chauncey Depew, of
the New York Central railroad. He
had an adopted daughter, who some
two o" three years ago eloped from a
boarding school near New York with
an actor. A telegram was received
at the office of one of the Chicago pa
pers announcing the escapade, which
had occurred some days before, and the
editor sent the dispatch in manuscript
to Storrs, who happened to be at
dinner party, with the words, "Is this
true?" written under it. He took
out his pencil at the table after read
ing the dispatch, and under the in
quiry wrote the words: eyes; please
publish the fact without comment,
further than that my love and re-
sponsibility for that girl ended when
she got out of the window. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
A Perplexed Teuton.

A good-natured, but slightly in
ebriated German, came into the Clark
street entrance of the Court House
yesterday, followed by "yaller" dog
of nondescript breed. He stood
outside of the Sherif''s Office for a
minute undecided which way to turn,
and he finally sided over to "Tony"
Kakuska, the engineer, and hiccough-
ed:
"Zay, l vaund do git license"
Certainly" said Tony. "Come
right along with me-" The engineer,
acting in good faith, took the stranger
to the window of the marriage-license
clerk in the County Clerks Office,
and turned him over to Deputy Sal
monson with the information that his
protege wanted n license.
whats your name? ?" asked Sal.
monson.
Anthony Hoff heimer."
Sign your name to this affidavit"
handing him blank application for
marriage license. After he had
signed the paper, Sal,nonson asked:
"How old are you?"
The fellow looked at him a moment
and answered: "Vell, wat is dot gei
to do wild dem license I"
answer my question"
Gall right. dirty-dree."
"How old is she ?"
"Dree years."
Salmonson is generally an amiablt
sort of person. but this answer mad,
him hot, and he spit out:
"Say, I'm no fool; If you don
answer my questions properly II
have you thrown out of here"
20, you git oud vot are you dry
in to git dro' me 7"
"How old is the ladyf / aske'
you"
Say, are you grazy2 rot do yo,
take me fort l vaunt n hcence, an
| vaunt you to quit YOU monkeyir
wit me-" "Will you answer sncc 70
all-how old is the woman r
! A CLEAN Of light seemed TO Aas
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

suddenly upon the mind of the Ger
man, and looking up at the legend
Marriage Licenses" over Salmonson's
desk, he said, with a grin:
"Mein frient, we are bode mistaken
once. l dond want marriage license
but dog license. De voman's name
is Flora; she is dree years old, and
here she is"
Salmonson nearly tainted, and the
German was referred to City Clerk
Plautz's office.-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
Not On the Bills.

1t was country hotel in Pennsyl-
vania. The single stranger who sat
down at dinner was amazed when the
waiter handed him printed bill OF
fare which began with oyster soup
and clam chowder and ran down to
four kinds of pie and chocolate ice
cream.
"I1l take oyster soup" said the
guest.
eyes, but we haven't got any,
replied the waiter.
"Very well, give me clam chowder.'
I'VE are out of that, too"
"Then bring me baked whitefish
fried sausage, Saratoga potatoes
French wheat rolls, ribs Of beef ant
cup of coffee"
1--WE haven't got any, sir. AL
we've got is beef steak, billed tater's
bakers bread and coffee"
At that moment the landlord enter
ed the room, and the guest called out
"See here, landlord, but what sor
of trick is this :"
"What? Oh, that bill of fare
My dear sir, let me explain. M,
uncle kept seaside hotel, and h
failed. He had 10000 bills of far
on hand, and l bought them at pri
vate sale for So. These are har'
times-very hard-and we must Util
ize everything and keep up style a
the same time. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
A Grim Canadian Humorist.

luc lOrOutO 0iOUc SiNCs thO ioi-
lowing will of the late Mr.. Dunlop:
"In the name of God, Amen. l,
William Dunlop, of Gairbraid, in the
township of COlborne, and District Of
Huron, Western Canada, Esquire, be-
ing in sound health and my mind just
as usual, which my friends who fiat
ter me say is no great shakes at the
best times, do make my last will and
testament as follows: Revoking, Of
course, all former wills, leave the
property of Gairbraid, and all other
landed property l may be possessed
of, to my sisters, Ellen Boyle Story,
and Elizabeth Boyle Dunlop, the
former because she is married to a
minister, whom God help) she hen
pecks; the latter, because she is mar
ried to nobody, nor is she likely to
be, for she is an old maid, and not
market ripe and also I leave to them
and their heirs my share of the stock
and implements Of the farm provid-
ed always that the inclosure around
my brothers grave be reserved; and,
if either should die without issue,
then the other to inherit the whole.
| leave to my sister-in-law Louisa
Dunlop, all my share Of the house
hold furniture and such traps, with
the exceptions hereinafter mentioned.
1 leave my silver tankard to the eld-
est son of old John, as the represen-
tative of the father. / would leave
it to old John himself, but he would
melt it down to make temperance
medals, and that would be sacrilege ;
however, / leave my big horn snuff
box to him; he can only make tenn
perance horn spoons with that. I
leave my sister Jennie my Bible, for
merly the property of my great-grand-
mother, Bertha Hamilton, of Wood
hall; and when she knows as much of
the spirit as she does of the letter, she
will be a better Christian than she is.
| also leave my late brothers watch
to my brother Sandy, exhorting him
at the same time to give up Whiggery,
Radicalism, and all other sins that do
most easily beset him. l leave my
brother Allen my big snuff-box, as 1
am informed that he is rather a decent
Christian, and jolly face. I leave
parson Chevassie (Maggie's husband)
the small box 1 got from the Sarnia
militia, as a small token of gratitude
he has done the family in taken a SIS
ter that no man of taste would have
taken. leave John Caddel silver
teapot, to the end that he may drink
tea therefrom to comfort him under
the affliction of a slatternly wife. I
leave my books to my brother An
drew, because he has been so long q
jangly WALTON, that he may learn to
read with them. l give my silver
cup, with sove, eign in it, to Janet
Dunlop, because she is an old maid
and pious, and therefore will necessa-
rily take to horning, and also my
granny's snuff:shell, as it looks decent
to see an old woman taking snuff.
In witness whereof / have hereunto
set my seal, the 31st day of August
in the year of our Lord one thousand
eight hundred and forty-two.
w. DUNLOP.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

care your domestic relations agree
able?" was the question put to an
unhappy looking specimen of human
ity. "Oh, my domestic relations are
all right" was the reply; "it's my
wife's relations that are causing the
trouble. "-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Rum and honey is said to be one of
the best cough medicines for a family
The wife can use her share of 1.-THE
honey-while the husband, with his
usual self sacrificing devotion, gets
away with the nasty rum.-Fall
River Advocate.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

The editor of the Deadwood Roar
er attended church for the first time
last Sunday. In about an hour he
rushed into the Office and shouted to
the telegraph editor:
what in blazes are you fellows
doingf How about the news from
the seat of war;"
"What news ?"
"Why, all this about the Egyptian
army being drowned in the Red Sea.
Why, the gospel sharp up at the
church was telling about it just now,
and not word of it in this mornings
paper. Bustle round, you fellows,
and get the facts, or the Snap Shot
will get ahead on us. Look spry
there, and run an extra edition il
necessary. while ! put on the bulletin
board, Great English Victory in tn,
Soudan. "-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

A collection was taken up in a
Kansas church recently, and when
the hat reached the seat occupied by
lady, her daughter and little son,
the two ladies found themselves with
out a cent of money. Young America
reached over and put cent in the
hat and then whispered to his sister {:
"There, just saved this family from
being whitewashed." New Orleans
Times Democrat.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

"Well, that's a new idea. / never
heard O. putin spittoons on the side
O. the house before?' remarked an
old countryman, as he walked up to
our telephone transmitter and made a
bullseye the first shot.-Palmer Jour-
nal
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

The address that Arabs place on
letters is very long and very pious.
Here is one on a letter sent to a
writer in the Berlin Tablatt: ain
the name of the merciful God, the
benefcent. This writing is from one
who serves his Lord, from X, the son
of x; and if God wills it will get
into the hands of our friend Sidi Mu-
sa, the son of Hamdalla, the Prussian,
the Christian, in the city of Tiara
bolos, Trippoli, the illustrous, the
famous. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

"Do you know old Virgins of our
town? That's he sitting across the
aisle there" Every stingy, isn't he ?"
"Stingy is no name for it. He keeps
a coffin with a false bottom, and
whenever he buries wife the coffin
is pulled out and saved for the next
one. In that way he has made one
coffin do for four wives, and it is a
good coffin yet" Chicago Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

The following is the reply given by
one of our prominent scholars -
Teacher: "What are metamorhic
rocks?" Pupil: "Metamorphic rocks
are rocks containing metaphor
Plymouth County Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

A Los Angeles rancher has raised
pumpkin so large that his two child
rem use a half each for a cradle
This may seem very wonderful in the
rural districts, but in this city three
or four full grown policemen have
been found asleep on a single beat
New York News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Book Canvasser (to little boy at
the door,: "Can l see your ma,
sonny?"
Little Boy: "No; she's busy in
the kitchen putin dow peaches"
Book Canvasser: "Have you got
big sister ?"
Little Boy: "Yes; but she's busy
up stairs putin down carpets.
Book Canvasser "Well, where's
your paf"
Little Boy: "He's round the cor
ner putin down beer."-New York
Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

An old citizen, just from fishing
tour with two bass, says he can sing
double bass with any fish Tyre of
them all.-Oil City Blizzard
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
It Was Real Mean.

"Dear me, it is raining. Mrs. b rad
nail. You can't go out in the wet.
Won't you stay to tea?
mo, thanks; must be gettb 'g
home"
"Well, anyway, you must wear m y
rubbcrs."
mo, thank you Mrs. Hopkins; it
isn't raining much, and besides L
haven't any strings to tic them on
with"
After the door was closed Mrs.
Hopkins said she wished the mean old
thing would catch her death of cold
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

A Corporal who should never be-
come General-corporal punishment.
London Funny Folks.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

1t looks paradoxical. The Parsees
are said to be rich and generous, yet
there must be great deal of Parsee
money among them.-Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Mrs. Coyne has sued a man in
Youngstown for damages for breach
of promise. He didn't want Coyne,
but she does.-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Why is Africa like a CREASED pole
Because it is an unhealthy cline
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Professor -"Name an oxide"
Student Leather"
Professor. -"Oxide Of what ?"
Student ."Oxide of beef"
The profs ssor came -sry ne ar fai
ng.-Bosts n Beacon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

The Mohammedans freely acknow-
ledge the Koran.-Merchant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28
Advertising Rates.

Business cards. one year, one dollar for every
Hire.
IsOosi S'ctsras ssc SsgSs SOr lise ga sssa iUM
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1885-10-28

Prices and Terms allKe to all.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28

w Is assorlcd coIorcd brocNdcs AZ y, loo
" plaid cuttings :, 10 aud leic
colored plain wool nllcd nj
. as, medium and heavy weights 10 To l3c
~ assorted colorcd wool filled brocades,
IN I'M and heavy weights, 10, Is and 25c
,CA Ndia plaid cashmeres. ~ 10 2aC.
ilrA Hlurc cloths. new shades, ~ To 25c.
llsM bination suitings, plaid and ng
,1tctA Toe
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
ai,tel.
An auctioneer, by
jas. Blows, liOnhnm, Tex.
LAMpAsAs SPRINGS.
Great Health and Pleasure Resorl

This place has Justly earned the repu-
tatiou oi being the great health and pleas
nrc resort ot the Southwest. For mer-
curial, rheumatic, cnlaneous and kidney
diseases, these waters are the most GER
tain auxiliary and specific known. The
hotels are conceded TO be the best In the
country The San Geronimo, central y
and delightfully."- located corner filth aud
Main streets, Is one OF the most comfort
lblc, elegantly furnished and best yenti-
lated houses IN the stutc, which, with Us
excellent cuisine and moderate rate Of
81 per day and and special rate 10 parties
by the week OF month, make the San &c
routine grcnt fpvorite. Two sample
rooms ON first floor, twenty feet square
cach-best IN thu state.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
MnIlng DO he Lrd Astrnn.

Special to the Gazette
DALLAS, TEN, Oct. 2I.-Thc duings Of Mr.
Emory last wcck In taking his stop daughter
cora randall TO Maud Dunhar's With the inten-
ton of accomplishing her ruin and his subso
uutut arrest and Incarceration are known 10
che renders of TuE GAZErrE. ON yesterday
there came 90 the ely womun giving Che
name uf Icttic Natcy claiming To be- widow
"A sister to Cora Randall, and haillng from
Plano. She hunted Cora up and the two went
~ Maud lunhar's early last night, Maud forth
with sent for Police Ohcer Pryor to take Cora
away, saving she should not 20 a-t1y In her
house, The officer took tlie Two women 10 the
81 james hotel where they put up for the
night, and len carly this morning.
The impress lon prevail among The officers mat
the woman L. MOI a sister To Cora, hui It woman
who is trying IN mysterious ways help Emory
out of lis trouble. II g. a notorious fact thai
EinOrS went to Plano whou I've Jumped III
bond ana alter hrioi stay there returned To-
DllI-.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
Grapevine.


GRArvINE, TEN, Oct. Give are needing
rain he this section 20 bring up the grain.
Mrs. :. T.. Williams died Yesterday after a
long illness. she was buried to-day.
col ". H. kccnc is very III with some
pulmonary disease, and is not expected Ia
recover
There win he a nrst-eass Touring mill in
upelatiOnhero soon
The young ladies and gentlemen nj this place
gave a concert last night which was com
pletc success. The proceeds go toward repair
ing the college
We had an alliance speech and organization
meeting here on the I'D. The speech was by
Mr., George.
Business IS on boom. Cotton Is coming in
rapidly, and our merchants are feeling happy.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
Colorcd Lnbor suh.tIlnted ror WIN

GALvEsToN. TEN,, Oct. 27.--1his MOI u
Capt sawyer, agent the Mallory Line Ste.
snip company, finally announced the intentk
OF retaining rolored labor on the wharf. q
least for the present, and until the very unlike
" time when Il Is demonstrated that that class
% men are unable TO meet the requirements OF
the work This finally ends tho hlstor,
of the strike beginning on the nth
Inst. 10y the demand of white lahorers for 80
cents mn hour and, on its refusal, the cdnsc.
qn0nt suspension of labor Colorcd labor was
at once substituted. The strikers then offered
their acceptance OF the old rate. which was 10.
FUSED proposition to divide labor was then
Us lntermrdiotors. The colorrd men accented
II, but rclegatcd the matter to capt SAWYER.
capt. sawyer In turn referred II TO the Mallurys
al New YORK. and now the answer comes that
the black element remains Ths decision
throws 100 men out OF steady employment and
Il Is broadly limited that the eud has not yet
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
Fixing UP "a wlre Pool.


SAN ANTONIO, TEN. Oct. 25.-Thc fence. wire
dealers of san Antonio, headed by ,;ntcs of tbc
-, Louis southern Wire manufacturing com.
pany ana y New York representative held a
secret conclave this morning at the oflice of n
large iirm here, but they refuse To- give any in
formation ms to the object of their meeting ar
the result OF their deliberations. II is well I'm
derstood outside, however. that there A. n
movement on foot 10 effect u wire pool and
boost up the prices. san antonio L. perhap.
lhe largest depot In the south for The sale of
tcnce'wirc there being many thousands oi
miles OF II In use on the mammoth cattle range.
of West Texas and Northern Mexico. Pur.
chascrs will soon ind out the change in In,
proportion.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28

NEw YoBK, oct. PA horrible story
of fire and loss OF life comes from Hobart,
Delaware county, this morning. which Is
best told in the words Of Martha .Inbeck,
a twelve-ycat-old girl, who gave the fol-
lowing details 20 the coroner's jury.
"Thc day before the trc,n she said,
"my mother and baby and myself were
upon the hill. Mother laid baby on the
Ground aud piled lot of dry brush to-
gcthcr. She got some matches out Of her
pocket aud said She intended to burn her-
self and baby on the brush-pilc, and II
wanted to 20 with them to heaven she
would put on more brush and could lie
down and burn, too. ! snatchcd the
matches out OF mothers band and took
the baby up Ia my arms and would not let
mother have him, and coaXed
her 20 20 home with me.
ON the morning of the fire
woke up hearing baby crying. The
house was all smoke. Jumped ont Of
bed and called TO mother. She did not
answer me. | ran 10 hcrdoor, and II was
lockcdb ! could hear her soothing baby
and CRYING | ran back 10 my room ana
walked my little brothers, and dressed
myself quickly. ! then started 70 get
them out OF the house, as | knew II must
be on fire. When ! got them 70 the front
door. found barrel of -four placed
against II so that II could not be opened.
! heard the fire cracking, and was almost
chokcd with smoke. don't know how
/ ever moved the barrel of flour,
bnt got Il away far enough 10 opeu tie
door so We could got out. When | cot
my brothers out of doors, ran TO q window
IN Iny mothers room and looked Ia. ]
could hear baby screaming. Tho room
was black with smoke, and mother was
lyl1g on the floor She had fire OF wood
piled around her like a birds nesr. II
was blazing high. II was so awful that
think must have gone crazy, for don'i
remember anything more. When Dir
I Hartford asked me where mother and
baby were, and told him they had gon'
10 the hill, | think the scene with moillul
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
ON STRIKE.


The Tnilors Demand II Uniform and Adj
vauocd Scale of Prices.
The journcymcn tailors of Fort Worth
lay down their tape and scissors and went
on strike yesterday. Twenty tailors, a
large proportion OF the force at work in
the city, walked out The cause OF the
trouble is uniform scale OF prices which
the men have adopted, and which makes
IL slight advance in wages Yesterday
evening eight houses signed the nuw scale
aud two still held out. Those signing
were; James IL. Martndale, Ed.
Otto, James Morrison, c. j.
Kilt, II. A. Frederick, Philadelphia
Tailoring Co., and O. NJ, Lockhart.
Dahlman Bros. and Il. Morris re-
fused to sign The first have four men
out and eight still at work. Mr. Morris
has only one man at work, six having
Joined in the strike. They object to the
new scale on the ground that II Will
force them pay as much for inferior
rs good work, The tailors have or
ganizcd into an association, which they
contemplate merging in the Knights o.
Labor
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1885-10-28
THE PROFESSOR.
a Sparkling Comedy Played b, Fine
Troupe.

4 Sparkling Comedy Played D., Fine
Troupe.
Ripples OF laughter greeted ''Ihe Pro-
fessor' at the opera-houSc last night, aud
the audience was entertained with fine
presentation of one of the brightest cone
dies ever written. The dialogue of the
play Is exceedingly rich, the situations
extremely funny, and the interest of the
audience never Tags from beginning TO
end. The characters were assumed by
young people who added the natural
bouyancy of youth TO their clcvcrly sus-
tanned parts, and the liberal applause and
laughter demonstrated the appreciation
aud amusement of the auditors.
The two leading characters, the Pro-
fcssor and Daisy Brown were we'll sus-
tanned by Mr.. Barrows and Miss Kitty
Cheatham who are the stars of the troupe.
Mr.. BarrOwS is n comedian of fine
qualities, and his deliucatOn OF the &C.
centric Professor is fOrCjble. unique and
very funny. There is great deal of high
comedy in the part, but at no time is It
tireSonc His reading OF the lines APP
pcals to the liner sense OF humor, and
there is no suspicion Of n burlesquc in
his acting, which deserves unstintcd
praise. Miss ChCatham, with her clear,
fresh, musical voice and lovely face, was
a most fascinating child of the woods,
and her artless manner made her a favor
tie with the audience before the curtain
rolled down on the first act. She Is u
line type OF the Southern girl, and her ne
cent proclaimed heras such. she Is iu.
, tensely Southern IN her speech and mofc.
mcnts, and her nature is that of oNp
4 reared in warm climate, Perhaps lit