Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1885-06-18
MATRiMONY,
The President Of the Lime Kiln Club In
duIses in a Few Reflections.

The President Of the Lime Kiln Club In
dulees in a Few Reflections.
II should like to spoke few re-
marks to Brudder Side Bar Skinner,
observed the President, as the dust be
gan to settle in Paradise Haul.
Brother Skinner, who is a young
man of twenty-three, with mild eye
and lilac necktie, advanced to the
front and the President continued:
'.Brudder Skinner, de news has
reached my ears dat you am about
to be mar'd. l trus' dat de report am
true, bekase I believe 1t am de dooty
of obery young man who kin support
wife to take one"
cit am true, sah."
'Den let me compliment you wild one
hand. an spoke few remarks to you
wild de odder. Gittin' mar'd has it's
VERY serious side. Fur instance, am
de gal gwine to mary you bekase she
loves you, or to spite her folkes be-
kase dey kept her away from de skat-
in rink? Am you gwine to mary de gal
fur love, or bekase her father has some
wealth which you hope he'll shell out
fur your benefit?
.'Love am powerful emoshun,
Brudder Skinner, but love widout pork
and 'taters to keep it goin' am like de
froth on top of sodawater.
don't mistake your sentiments. If
you am sartin dat you love, go ahead.
If it am only lollypop, hire out as a
deck hand on steamboat fur a week,
an it will all go away. I hev known
couples ez seemed to be dyin' of love-
DER silly ackshuns made EN- de latin =
stock of hull nayburhood. Dey
seemed to dote and dote, but it didn't
last. AFTER couple of Vars dc hus-
band war home grumbler an tyrant,
an de wife a gadabout an scold.
What dey s'posed was love war only
lollypop.
Don't marry gal hopin' dat her
father will set you up in de barber biz
ness. Most fadder-in-laws not only
want all dey hez got. but am willin' to
struggle fur another $4,000.
'.Doan' sot down an figger dat fo'
taters, loaf of bread, half pound of
meat an quart of applesass am goin'
to run you fur a week. You will
all de salary you kin arm. an
uceuy you udu DeGbcT lOOh dIOuu du uuu
somebody who will lend you dollar
now an then.
"Doan' flatter yerselves dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de house
an kiss ODER de gate. You'll be hun
cry fur con beef an baked beans;
your cloze will W. ar out; your flour an
butter will waste away, an bill fur
two months rent will send chill up
yer back. De man or woman who
specks dat mar'd life am green an
shady lane. lined wild orange blossoms
on one side an ten dollar bills on de
odder, am gwine to wake up some day
an find de rats leavin' de place in dis
gust.
Think of desc things, Brudder
Skinner. You kin get wife in about
five minutes, but it takes five Vars to
git shet of some of 'em. EXpeck about
one days sunshine fur a week of cloudy
weather. Reckon ON house rent comm
due de fust of cherry month, an de
grocer an butcher keepin' an eye out
fur you each Saturday night. 1t will
amaze you how de woodpile decides
an how de flour gifts outen de bar'l so
soon. Doan' walk into matrimony like
lobster into box. but figger on
whether de bait am with de risks. If
you conclude to mary you kin depend
on dis club attend n Gle obsequies in a
body, bringin' along bounteous sup
ply of ham sandwiches. If you decide
not to. it am probable dat you will soon
be promoted to some posishun of trust
an responsibility.-DetroI Free Press