Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1885-01-15
COnnublalitie~.

"My poor fellow" asked the man of the
living skeleton at the dime museum,
where have you been boarding."
Maggie, don't like to see this dust on
the furniture" "All right, mum. I'll shut
the blinds right away"
A Kansas Prohibitionist wants maple
sugar included in the list of intoxicating
drinks, because il is a product of the flow
ing bole.
At the marriage of Miss Pearl Tyler,
daughter OF the late ex-President Tyler, at
Richmond, Va, the bride wore the vail
which was worn by her mother.
young lady is said TO be "of age" only
when she Is married. This is the reason,
we suppose, why so many elderly unmar-
ried ladies never get beyond their teens.
,'All great workers ought to he also great
rosters" said a noted physician. Ladies
who have such time getting their hus-
bands up in the morning should ponder
this.
At an English wedding the bridesmaids
were dressed in white lace, with long white
walls, with the curious additions of red
wreath and red shoes, as relief to the pre-
dominant color
Crusty old bachelor hear Smythe is
going to be married next week. NO, it
has been ostponedr $50 the poor fellow
has been granted respite. Poor devil, he
may get Oft yet"
A young lady in ST. Louis recently doused
young man with pailful of water while
he was on his knees begging her to be his
bride. Never get on your knees to a st.
Louis girl. Grab her around the waist at
once. Ii makes her mad to lose time.
When you 90 to bed you should always
hang up your watch it is better for it,"
remarked Wilson to his son recently. The
next night he asked the young man what
time 1t was. Il don't know replied the
youth. Where is your watch 2" II hung
IL up. sir
A young man in Chicago, whose bride
was deaf, whistled so loudly that her hear
ing was restored. He is not so happy as
he was. lie is now compelled to take of
his boots when he sneaks up the stairs at
midnight The practice of whistling can
not I've too strongly deprecated.
There never was a better example of the
concise form of expression common to real
Western Americans than the answer of the
man of the :,ierras, who, when asked about
the character of neighbor, replied, Mis-
ter, don't know very much about him
but my impression il that he make first
class stranger"
why don't you hang your hair, love?
he asked the other evening. as they sat in
the parlor after tea. why, dear. do You
think it would he becoming?' "Oh, yes,
guess so. but | wasn't Thinking abouf
that Well then. why do you want me
to bang it," well, / was thinking that
II you banged your hair the piano would
not feel 90 lonely" He had to get hls own
breakfast the next morning.
None OF these barrels are labeled with
the nature Of the contents" said the whole
sale liquor dealer to his clerk this is a
great blunder. We shall be obliged to bore
them and draw off little of the liquor or
we shall not be able to tell whether we're
selling brandy, gin, whisky or rum" Sup
pose We send for phrenologist ?" suggest
ed the clerk. a phrenologist? What 70. ~
He may be able to tell us what is in the
barrels by examining their heads"
Red as a rose was she,
Red beet was he,
And the marriage service duly read
And readily out Of the church they sped
asked the par>on the size Of his fee
got not a red. !" he answered me
Once upon AN evening dismal,
| gave her a paroxysmal
Kiss. and called her name, Baptismal-
Precious name, ! loved Of yore,
All, she was a darling creature
Pert Of speech, and fair Of feature;
But egad. you couldn't teach her,
For she had been there before
And only murmured:
slnzz