The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-06-04
HUMOR.

nOMORs
BoARDMd-HoUsE keeper-sWhy, how
deftly you carve the beef, Mr.. Smith.
You must be an adept" Smith with
q grunt of exertion)-SYes'm, am; I'm
o wood-carver by trade"
sHE tried to kiss me and / just told
him to behave" said an irate young
lady after sleigh-ride. SWELL. did he
kiss your" asked her friend. mo, the
idiot; he behaved. "-Erchange.
"I'M terribly down in the mouth"
said Young Siimlet. Il don't see any
thing to warrant belief that you could
get down in the mouth, with such an
apology for mustache as you wear,
retorted Miss Cute.-Boston Times.
"DID you enjoy the party, Emma?"
"Ever so much, mamma" Il hope you
were a good little girl and listened to
what was said to your" Il did, mamma.
I listened all the evening to one person
talk" "Who was talking?" Il was"
He comes in with stride.
And the co n opens wide.
And leaves IL where open he throws IL,
And make US look GUNNER
Than we did in the sunimer.
When he always was careful TO close It.
-BOstOH Courier.
A TRAVELLER through Arabia writes
that when Bedouin is asked to drink
his answer would fire uently be, No,
thanks; 1 drank yesterday In this
country the answer usually is, We'll,
I've been at it all the morning, but 1
guess / can stand another"
In the year 2400, Joseph Cook says,
the population of this country will be
5000, 100000 Those of our readers
who contemplate going to the circus
that year will do we'll to purchase tick
cts ut the downtown Office and avoid
the rush at the wagon. -ETchange.
LEGAL OATH.
do YOU" said Bess C, tother day.
In earnest love me. "a you say,
Or are those te der words a. piled
Alike to fifty girls besidef'
Dear, cruel girl" cried /, -forhear,
For by those eyes, those lips swear ~
She stopped me as the oath took.
And cried. You've sworn-now kiss the book"
-Umdha RepUbttcdn.
"WERE there many out last night?'
asked Mrs. Crimsonbeak of her hus-
band the morning after public rehear-
sal of the Philaccordion Soc ETY.. "Yes,
L should Judge So" replied Crimson
beak, dwelling on the rows of empty
seats at the concert; "lhere didn't seem
to be many in. "-Yo1akers Statesman.
In Rome in ancient times the candi-
dates for Office wore white robes, and
could be seen before daybreak on cleo
ton day mingling with the voters pro-
claiming their political principles. The
fat that they wore white robes would
seem to indicate that the newspapers
didn't throw mud" in those days.
NorristoCn Herald.
"OF the seven newspaper men who
reported Webster's famous address of
the laying of the cornerstone of Bunker
Hill monument, Edward Everett Hale
is said to be the only one now living"
AS Mr.. Haze was only 3 years old when
Webster delivered his speech, his re-
portorial work on that occasion may be
set down as a phenomenal journalistic
feat.-Atldnta Constitution.
The man who does the funny bust
ness for q humorous paper was out
call ng one night, and said something
to the girl which made her laugh.
"Why, Mr.. Johnson, how funny you
are!" she exclaimed. IL ought to be,
Miss Tomkins," he answered; Il make
my living by being funny" well, L
l don't like it," she continued, sudden
ly looking dissatisfied. "No? Why not ?"
he inquired, somewhat surprised. Be
cause, Mr.. Johnson, 1 hate to hear
people talk shop" johnson has since
reserved all his funny ideas for his
paper. -Mercharlt Traceler.
PATENT-MEDIcINE Vender-"Did you
ever try my infallible preventive for
coughs and colds?" Stranger-"No,
sir. never tried it myself, but friend
of mine did," p. M. Yves? and
how did it work." StraDger-@Beauti-
fully. He took two bottles of it just be-
fore the cold weather set in, and he
didn't have cold or cough the whole
winter" p. NJ. V.-"That's the way
it always works. There's nothing like
it; nothing like it, SIR" Stranger
always works that way. Ell? I'm sorry
to hear that My friend, YOU know,
died five minutes after finishing the
second bottle "-BostOn Transcript.
ROLLER SKATES.
One more unfortunate,