Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-08-31
Motto of the oleomargarine dealer

Motto of the Oleomargarine dealer-FOr
butter or for worse.
A young girl of the Sioux nation is de-
scribed as chiefly remarkable for her fine
dark eyes. Why not call her Black
Eyed Sioux then?
1t was Il trifiing circumstance that
clouded the domestic bliss of recently
married Toledo couple-she had corns,
and he had razor.
1t is now quite the style for the bridal
couple to be an hour too late, so as to
produce the impression that neither cared
very much to get married.
Professor: eff you attempt to squeeze
any solid body, it will resist pressure"
Glass smiles, and cites examples of excep-
tions which prove the rule.
You cannot blame German for his
fondness for lager. A language that calls
for such an awful strain on the throat as
his does is the party to censure.
An Irishman watching game of base
ball was sent to grass by foul which hit
him under the left rib. ga fowl, was ut?
Begorra thought it was mule"
"Oh, where does beauty linger?" de-
mands a Quaker City poetess. AS usu-
al thing she fingers in the parlor until
her mother has cleaned up the kitchen.
The letters P. o., my son, mean post
office, but turn them right around and
| they indicate the reason for certain chang
es now going on-offensive partisanship.
A Pennsylvania man put some dynam-
ite in the kitchen stove to dry the other
day, and neither the stove nor the dynam-
ite can be found. Some men are awful
wasteful.
"Women are so contrary" said Blobbs.
81 thought when 1 got married my wife
would darn my socks and let me alone.
and darns me-"
James, did you divide your paper of
chocolate with your brother?" eyes, GER
tainly, mamma; ate the chocolate and
|
ing, you know"
| Professor-In one evening 1 counted
twenty-seven meteors sitting on my pi-
azza. Glass expresses great astonish-
ment at the sociable character Of the
heavenly bodies.
small boy was playing truant the 9th
| bo
whipping when he reached home, he re-
piled: ''What is five minutes licking to
five hours of fun?"
eff you don't keep out this yard you'll
catch it," said a woman to a boy in West
Lynn. GAN right" answered the gamin !;
'I wouldn't have come in if I'd known
your folks had it,
An exchange says ga miss in Iowa
has hair that sweeps the floor" Now if
this miss had hair that could cook, wash
and iron, and milk the cows, what bo-
nanza she would be as wife!
A man on Long Island tried to drive a
nail in case of nitro-glycerine. If he
could have kept himself from scattering
all over the Island until he struck the Sec
ond blow he might have succeeded.
A little five-year-old boy, who had seen
peacock for the first time, ran into the
house eXclaiming to his sister: "Oh, Liz
zie, I've seen great, big, monstiferous
tail walking around with hen tied to it ~
Phrenologist-You bump OF imagina-
tion is abnormally large, sir. You should
write poetry. Citizen-I do write poetry
Only yesterday 1 took poem to an edit
or and that bump where you are feeling
is where he hit me.
s'Here," said the farmer, as he exhibit
ed broken jar to the manufacturer, 81
packed this jar full of butter, and the jar
split from top to bottom. Perhaps you
can explain this phenomenon" "Oh, yes,
l can," was the ready reply, ''the butter
was stronger than the JAR
An Englishman once boasted that he
had been mistaken for a member of the
royal family. A Scotchman hearing this
replied that he had been addressed for the
Duke of Argyle. Whereupon an Irish
man said he had been taken for greater
person than either, for as he was walking
along the street one day friend came up
to him, exclaiming "Holy Moses is that
your"
l.
CONSUMPTION CURED.