The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1885-12-12
ABOUT FLIES.


A Dissertation Upon Their Orderly Quail
ties-why Bald-Headed Men Have Rea1
son to be Thankful for Their Slight
Inflrmity.
So far as my researches on this i'm
portant subject have extended, l find
that while there are innumerable races
and varieties of the fly family, they are
only divided into two great bodies,
namely, the tramp, and the domestic
fly. The former may be found more
particularly on the street cars, attracted,
doubtless, by the family market basket;
but when the basket fails to material
ize, he vents his spite on the passen-
gers in vicious attacks on every unpro-
tected portion of their cuticle, The
tramp fly will board car at the
Woods Run stables, and gather what
cold victuals he can as far as Market
street; here, if not satisfied, he leaves
the car and goes around to the Oak
land line, and, after lengthy and
leisurely ride, he eventually reaches
the East End. BY this time he is COM
pletely 'gorged," but, that neighbour
hood being too quiet for his playful
disposition, he steals a ride on the
Penn avenue car, makes connection
again with the Union line, and soon is
hung up for the night on the beams of
the Woods Run stable. Occasionally,
however, in thus swinging around the
circle he gets dazed, misses connec-
tons, gets into a strange fly roost, and
is lost sight of forever to his old asso-
ciates.
The domestic fly is different insect
in all his habits. No matter what tho
outside attractions may be, his motto
is: "Be it ever so humble, there is no
place like home;" and, if the truth
must be told, the humber the home
the better he appears TO like it. He
loves to frequent boarding houses and
restaurants, but is content to hang up
his hat in an ordinary dwelling when
the aforementioned resorts are beyond
his neighborhood. Longfellow, in his
matchless pathos, has compared trouble
to a host of vultures who watch from
distance for favorable opportunity
to descend upon their prey, and the
comparison holds equally good with
| flies at meal-time. Observe them, as,
in uncounted numbers, they promenade
along the boulevard overhead, chatting
with this neighbor and that over the
latest fashions, Or perhaps, denouncing
| the scandalous action of Miss Shoofiy;
but 10! the peaceful promenade or dis
cussion suddenly ceases, and strange
hush settles over Fyland. What does
it meanP Simply that the table is be-
ing drawn out for the evening repast.
Do they at once descend, in contem-
| plation of the anticipated feastP
Not by any means-they wait
for the appearance of tho viands Soon
all is ready, and down comes a fly,
then another, and another, till at last
they take complete possession. They
wade through the butter, go swimming
in the milk, play hide-andseek in the
bread, and perform such series of
antics, that in despair, the head of the
family arises, grasps the fly-brush,
swings it around vigorously, and
knocks II fly in the tea-cup of every one
at the table. Upon this elimination
of distress. all efforts at disposing the
intruders ceases, and the fly reigns
supreme.
Before closing this homily would
like to correct very prevalent, yet
very erroneous idea, that bald-headed
men are more annoyed by flies than
those who have been blessed with con-
siderable capillary adornment On the
contrary, egg-topped individuals are
rarely troubled with them. | have
made a special study of this feature Of
the subject, and have noticed that
where ordinary individuals expended 0
large portion of their time, temper and
muscle in combating the ubiquitous
insect, the bald-headed man has en-
joyed almost complete immunity, ant
smiled serenely at the ridiculous gym
nastics of his neighbors, The reason
for this is based on the aversion file!
manifest for anything of light color
their taste inclines them to sober hues
and therefore somber-headed people
must bear the brunt of their attacks
Happy bald-heads!-Pi Pittsburgh Ctron
ic!e Telegraph.