Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1885-07-13
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
HrOther Gardner Delivers Lecture
on Matrim0nY.,~

81 should like to spoke a few remarks
to Brudder Side Bar Skinner observed
the president, as the dust began to settle
in Paradise hail. 1oI ,-;i1s-f'C,y - s.-fo
Brother Skinner, who is young man
OF %, with mild eye and lilac necktie,
advanced to the front and the president
continued: s @ -.1t.a CHI
''Brudder Skinner, lie news has reached
my ears that you am about to be mar'd.
/ l trus' that de report ann true, because /
| believe it an de dooty of cherry young
man who can support wife to take
| one.''
| 1T am true, sab. I"
! "Den let me compliment you wild one
hand an spoke a few remarks to you wild
de odder. Gittin' mar'd has its VERY
] serious side. Eur instance, am de gal
! gwine to mary you bekase she loves you,
or to spite her folks bekase dey kept her
away from de skatin' rink? Am you
gwine to mary de gal fur love, or bekase
her father has some wealth which you
hope he'll shell out fur your benefit p. -
"Love am powerful emoshun, Brud-
der Skinner, but love widout pork and
Eaters to keep it goin' am like de froth
on top of soda-water.
am sartin' dat yon love, go ahead. If it
am only lollypop, hire out as deck hand
on steamboat fur week an it will go
away. / hev known couples ez seemed
to be dyin' of love. DER silly askshuns
made 'em de latin '-stock of hull nay
burhood. Dey seemed to dote and dote,
but it didn't last. AFTER couple of vars
de husband war home grumbler an
tyrant, an de wife gadabout an scold
What dey s'posed was love war only
lollypop.
'Doan' marry a gal hopin' dat her fad
der will set you up in de barber bizness
Most fadder-in-laws not only want all dey
heZ got, but am willin' to struggle fur
another $4,000.
"Doan' sot down an figger dat TO
taters, a loaf of bread, half pound of
meat am quart of applesass am goin' to
run you for a week You will want all
de salary you kin ai'rn, an you had bet
ter look aroun' an find somebody who
will lend you dollar now an den.
''Doan' fatter yerselyes dat all you
hev got to do am to hug in de house an
kiss ober de gate. You'll be hungry for
con beef an baked beans; your close |
will wear out your flour and butter will
waste away, an bill fur two months
rent will send chill up yer back De |
man or woman who specks dat mar'd life !
am green an shady lane, lined wild
orange blossoms on one side an ten dol
lars bills on de odder, am gwine to wake
up some day and find the rats leavin' de /
place in disgust
"Think of desc things, Brudder Skin
ner. You kin get wife in about five /
minutes, but it takes five Vars to git shet /
of some of 'em. Expeck about one days |
sunshine fur a week of cloudy weather !
Reckon on house rent comm due de fust /
of cherry month an de grocer an butcher /
keepin' an eye out fur you each Saturday
night. 1t will amaze you how de wood I
pile decides an how de flour gifts outen
de bar'l SO soon. Doan' walk into matri-
mony like lobster into box, but fgger
on whether de bait am with de risks. If
you conclude to mary you kin depend on
dis club attendin' de obsequies in a body,
bringin' along a bounteous supply of ham
sandwiches. If you decide not to, it aim
probable dat you will soon be promoted
to some posishun of trust an response
bility. Detroit Free Press.