The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1885-11-13

ltllltitlbCl bllAl 4 illsttlC ilO ti1Oll 10
hide my disgrace; | did not pretend to
be married or to be a wiSow, and the
mistress of the house was not unkind
to me- She liked me all the better for
telling the truth. l say no word to you
of my mental anguish-nO words can
describe it. but l loved the little one.
She was only three weeks old when a
letter was forwarded to me at the adj
dress | had given in London, saying
that my grandmother was i'll and
wished me to go home at once. What
was l to do with the baby? | can re-
member how the great drops of anguish
stood on my face, how my hands tTem-
bled. how my very heart went cold with
dread.
The newspapers which | took daily,
to read the advertisements for govern
esses, lay upon the table, and my eyes
were caught by an advertisement from
some woman living at Brighton who
undertook the bringing up of children.
/ resolved to 90 down that very day |
said nothing to my landlady of my in
tention. | merely told her that | was
going to place the little one in very
good hands and that | would return
for my luggage.
Il Ueant.-sO truly as Heaven hears
me speak, meant to do right by my
little child. l meant to work hard to
keep her in nice home. Oh, meant
well.
Il was ashamed to 90 out in the
streets with little baby in my arms.
"'What shall do if it aries?' asked
the kind landlady. You can prevent II
from crying she said; give it some
cordial What is cordial?' | asked.
and she told me. VIII it hurt the lit
tie One?' | asked again, and she
laughed
No she replied, certainly not.
Half the mothers i'll London give it to
their children. 1t sends them into a
sound sleep, and they wake M none the
worse for it. If you give the baby just
little, it will sleep all the way to
Brighton and you viii have no trouble
! must say this much for myself that |
knew nothing whatever of children.
that is, of such little children. | had
never been where there was a baby so
little as my own.
L bought the cordial. and just before
! started gave the baby some. l
thought that | WAS very careful: [
meant to be SO. | would not for the
whole world have given my baby one
half drop too much.
1t soon slept calm, placid sleep.
and | noticed that the little face grew
paler. Your baby is dying said a
woman, who was travelling in the third
class carriage with me. 1t is diving. |
am sure | laughed and cried: it was
so utterly impossible | thought: il was
we'll and smiling only one hour ago.
never remembered the cordial After
wards, when | came to make inquiries.
l found | had given her too much. I
need not linger on details.
on see that if my little one died by
my fault, it was most unconscious on
my part: i was most innOcently, most
iCnCTantly done. ! make no excuse. |
tell YOU the plain truth as it stands. /
caused my baby's death. but it was
most innOcently done; | would have
given my own life to have brought hers
back. on, my judge. can you imag-
Inc any fate more terrible than standing
quite alone on the Brighton platform
with dead child in my arms?
Il had very little money. l knew no
soul in the place. l had no more idea
what to do with dead child than a
baby would have had. / call it dead
she continued, for | believe it to have
been dead, no matter what any doctor
says. 1t was cold,-oh. my Heaven,
how cOld.-lifelesS; no breath passed
the little lips, the eyes were closed
the pretty hands stiff. bCliered n dead
I wandered down to the beach, and sat
down on the stones.
What was l to do with this sweet.
cold body? | cried until | was almost
blind; in the whole wide world there
was no one 50 utterly desOlate and
wretched. | cried aloud to Heaven to
help me-wheTe should | bury my little
child? | cannot tell how the idea first
occurred to me, the waves came in with
soft murmuring melody, a sweet sill
very hush, and | thought the deep,
green sea would make a grave for my
little one. 1t was mad and wicked I
know now; | can see how horrible it
was; it did not seem to be so then.
only thought of the sea then as my best
friend, the place where | was to hide
the beloved little body, the clear, green
grave where she was to sleep until the
Judgment Day. l waited until-it is
horrible thing to tell you, but | fell
asleep-fast asleep, and of all the hor-
rors i'll my story, the worst part is that.
sitting by the sea, fast asleep myself,
with my little dead babe OH my knee.
When | woke the tide was coming
IN full and soft, with swift-running
waves, the sun had set, and a thick,
soft gloom had fallen over everything.
and then knew the time had come for
what wanted to do"