The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1885-05-02

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a round trip ticket to travel the distance
from here to the sun. This being the case,
The Gossiper will be content if he can get
rs far as Deer Park, or on a moonlight eX.
the summer.
The following beautiful apostrophe to
spring is what Brother-n,law Stone, the
Marseilles Register man, wrote one bright
sunshiny morning, of last week, just before
he had donned his pantaloons; it is a clas-
sic send off with the solemnity BETTING
such an occasion we rise to remark that the
robbins are here, the bluebirds are chirp-
ing, the pee.wee is nesting, the sand hill
cranes are circling aloft, the odorous buz-
card is in his ETHEREAL glory and spring,
gentle zephyr-laden, tan-bestowing, freckle-
giving spring, in all its pristine glory is
with us once more With dignity over.
coming, we watt our thread-bare bandana
to our classic brow to wipe the perspiration
incident upon such Il literary effort, and
with becoming grace turn to accommodate
the next man who wants to stop his pa
| per-
Fornof the FIRE Press man, was so glad
to avail himself of the 81 rate to Chicago
and return that he rode out of Streator on
the cow-catcher. Bean, of the N0aitor
says that if the G. Il. q Q. will sell round
trip tickets regularly for 81 that he will
supply his family with a hash basket and
send them to Chicago every day,
II
A south side young lady says that her
lovers arm is just 30 inches long, and says
further that she knows this to be fact be
cause that is just the measure of her waist
The evidence is sufficient for all purposes,
and the survey made by the young man
is entirely satisfactory, it is hoped,
4
The day after the city election in Men.
dota, IA journalist up there began an edito-
rial in this style: with pen of gold dip
ped in the oil of gladness right then
he broke off, jabDed his old stub pen into
a raw potato and went out to moisten his
gullet with ten cents worth of raw corn
juice.
Big wood -plle-aX-boy non est-eXcit-
ed female parent-"C h-a-w-l e-e-e echo
answers me-river-boy waiting for a
bite-no bite-no tlsh-siX O'clock p NJ
boy soaking wet-hungry as bear-don't
care about meeting his mother-comes
home--she meets him-takes Chawlee |
across her knee-curtain drops-last act.
A La Sale high school girl on being ask |
ed what is a mummy" replied, "a mum
my is an embalmed dead body from which
the intestines and the soul have been re-
moved"
The city druggists are preparing their
tanks for the soda water campaign and |
soon will be heard the siZz of the foamine |
stuff as it fills the glass, spreading its arc,
matte flavor on the air. The country mai
den and her good nattred, awkward beau, |
after getting their tin-typeS took" will
gather at the fountain and imbibe this de
licious stuff and feel happy. After wiping
the foam off her ripe red lips they will
loon, while their fellows will take IA walk
around the block and have a game of pool
- *
The Streator Ho0Stel' as it called itself
the other day bymistake, in giving its rates
for judicial announcements, says that edi-
torial notices and pedigrees of the judges
will be furnished at the regular adveftis-
ling rates.
4"
A Peru woman stopped for a lady friend
10 accompany her to the roller skating rink.
Nothing 10th, the lady, who was cooking
some sauerkraut, told her visitor to wait
until she put on some pigs feet and then
she would go with her She rushed about
in a hurry and packed up as she supposed,
her skates, but when she reached the rink
She found that she had rolled up the pigs
feet. and on rushing home found the skates
in the sauerkraut.
#a*
A gentleman who attended a fancy din
ler party was asked on his return how the
aides were dressed He replied II did
not look under the table and there was no
lress above it to speak Of"
S." *
Here comes another of those talented
fellows, crowding the season with blank
poetry. He belongs to the Streator Free
Press, and he seems to have it just as bad
IS the Marseilles man, as follows: THE
beautiful spring has come. The budding
rees, the growing grass and springing
lowers fill our hearts with emotions of
gladness; and under the iutlu-
,nce of these emotions we feel inspired TO
,ing madrigal expressive of our poetic
h,,s , narap, tCry command fypp, |