Morning journal and courier., 1885-07-09
SECRETS.

t'The Secret of the Brook" is late poem. The secret of the brook must be the knowl- edge of what is going on between the banks. Boston Post.
 They are debating in Cincinnati whether to put chairs or pews in their new church. They might compromise on hammocks. Philadelphia Call
 'Attacked While in Bed" is the title of a new story Instead of writing about it the author should have lit the lamp and killed them.-Boston Post
 British Minister West, taking pattern from the Princess of Wales, is courting the favor of the Irish. He wears green spectacles when playing lawn tennis.-St. Paul Herald.
 An art critic speaks of ia bust picture in oils" He may be way mp in art criticism, but if he had been grass-high in grammar he wouldn't have said bust for busted.-Bur- lington Free Press.
 "What sort of an establishment is that across the way?'
 "They teach drawing, music and dancing" :"
 "A young ladies' seminary?"
 ''No, dentists shop"
 A scientific paper says that Ia few drops carefully applied with wet sponge. will re- move the spots from chromos." What is most needed is something that will remove the chromo.-Lynn Bee.
 Sam Jones, the revivalist, raised $21 ,000 in Nashville the other day on 8 sermon six teen minutes long. This encouraging little incident should teach clergymen to limit their sermons to sixteen minutes.-Norris- town Herald.
 The morphine habit, it is said, will cause the hair to drop off. Ladies who are addict ed to this habit should take the precautior to pin their hair on securely before starting out for promenade. A few extra hairpins will defy the opium habit.-Norristown | Herald.
 George (after the theater)-Do you know what this ice cream is made of7 Clara Scrap ing her dishl-No, George. George-It's l made of skim milk, oleomargarine, corn starch, gelatine and glucose. Clara Zen usiastically)-Indeed! What 8 delightful mixture it is!-New York Sun. Elderly but refined spinster (who has been giving lecture on risks run by young ladies nowadays in the pursuit of physical culture)-''And only yesterday Ethel went rowing with gentleman and in some c1yste- rious way the boat was upset and she wet both feet nearly up to her kneesW-Harper's Bazaar.
 ''Are them real cannibals?" inquired 8 countryman as he gazed on the wonders of 8 Milwaukee dime museum-''real cannibals?' ''Well, dye know what do with 'em if this was my show?" ''No; what" 'tPd starve lem for three or four days an then turn 'en | loose on the rest of the actors. just saw | the stage performance. ."-Chicago Herald. Little Elvira went to visit her grand
 mother. The country was revelation te
 the child. Among other things that excited her wonder and interest was lamb that
 came bleating to the door the evening of he1 arrival, ''Oh, Aunt Hatty," she cried, run
 ming indoors, ''theres a live sheep here that
 can talk as plain as anything. Do go out
 and here it say Ma '"
 | A k-Book-Soene, 8 Cincinnati bool store. Enter countryman, who walked III
 to salesman and said: ''Look yer, mister
 my wife says that ere cookbook is nc i goodr' Salesman-''What cook book?' l Countryman-''Why this ere one. My wifi
 says she understands her P's and Q's; bu
 this 'ere book is all full of lem, so she can
 make head nor tail of 'em." Salesman
 ''Cook-bookl Why, that's Cooks sSynopsi
 of Chess Openings;' a book on game that ii | played among g certain class of people. | Countryman-F'Yer don't say sol Why, | thought it war a cookbook, and Chess Op | enings war the feller's name wot got it upI' Southern Trade Gazette.