Beverly banner. [volume] (Beverly, N.J.) 1877-1964, 1885-10-17
VARITIES

A shoe manufacturing company is
not a soleless corporation.
A man named Butter recently died
in Indiana, and the most curious thing
| about it is that he died without an heir.
A colored gentleman went into
blacksmith's shop with his coat.taiI full
of powder. He came out through the
roof
A Georgia man tried to cut the
cords in the feet of his daughter so that
she could not imperil her soul by dane.
ing.
A machine has been invented which
will darn stockings by just turning
crank. "Who will care for mother
nov"
Queen Victoria couldn't appoint all
the great men who wanted the position
to be viceroy to India. but she got one
Dufer-in.
Patient--Doctor, what do you do
when you have cold in the head ?
Doctor-Well, madam, sneeze most
of the time.
They have got great aristocrat at
Danville. He won't even smile, for
fear people should think he was getting
too familiar with himself.
Penelope-Anna asks "What will
cure young man of wearing his boots
too small for him, with the toes OK
trelnely pointed ?" Corns.
Mother, to three year old out for a
walk after tea "See the full moon,
Mabel" Mabel suffering from satia-
ton. "Has the moon had supper, too?"
MIR. Digby, will you take some of
this butter?' Thank you ma am, |
belong to the temperance society-can't
take anything strong, replied Digby
Kansas brags that she has never had
a breach of promise suit since the State
was admitted to the union. If the girls
can't get the fellow they don't want his
money.
He who has pie has friends, says a
Russian proverb, which, being freely
translated, signifies that the doctor and
the undertaken stand in with the pie
man every time.
"Many man, says a learned clergy
man, sis blamed for doing and saying
hateful things, when really it is not the
man that's at fault-its the dyspepsia
that's within him.
A Nevada hunter spent three months
looking for grizzly bear, and the
mans relatives have spent three months
looking for him. They think he must
have found the bear
Women are the poetry of the world
in the same sense as the stars are the
poetry of Heaven. Clear, light-giving
harmonious, they are terrestrial planets
that rule the destines of mankind.
There have been various answers to
the conundrum Why is ship called
she ? We think the proper answer is !:
Because she is handsomst when she is
we'll rugged. Wives should cut this
out and show it to their husbands.
We have not heard Of any of the late
American bank cashiers being down
with smallpox in Canada" remarked
an exchange. The editor of that paper
evidently is not cognizant Of the habits
of bank cashiers. They never take
anything small.
1t is foolish to become discouraged,
The wisest of us all have much to fear
and the dullest of US have much to
hope for. To keep on the right path
patiently and perseveringly, taking
success humbly, and defeat Submissive
ly is the sure way to reach the end and
reap the reward.
"My little boy" said gentleman.
"you ought MOTTO eat those green ap-
pies. They are not good for little
boys ,They hain't eh p the boy re-
piled with his mouth full. Guess you
don't know much about EN-, mister
Three of those apple'll keep me out OF
school for a week"
"Did not the sight If the boundless
blue sea, bearing on its bosom the
white-winged fleets OF commerce, fill
you with emotion y asked an enthusi
astic young lady of traveller, yes
said he, "f,r awhile it did, but after n
bit didn't fill me with ANYTHING. 1t
sorter emptied me, like
The proper pronunciation OF the word
drama, says theatrical manager, ode
ponds upon what part Of the country
one is in. In Boston | call it draw
nah, in New York drahma, in Phila-
delphia drawma, in Chicago drammer,
but in St. Louis, in order to make my
self solid with the citizens, have to
talk about the draymy."
The Great American Chorus.
| SneeZinp. snuliinp and coughing ! This