Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1885-08-14
A GROTESQUE DUEL.

VIZ 0oaA
How Colonel Skerrett Proved Him
self to Be a Brave Man.
Colonel Skerrett, Major Marsh and
Captain Pickering were sitting in their
room at the Hotel Anglais, Paris. They
were Americans on their travels, all
three rough-looking down-Easters, who
had gone through the worst fire of the
civil war. DR.. Vicaire, surgeon in the
French army, was standing in front Of
them. regarding them with a severe
air.
II come to denounce to you as you
have insult my friend, NJ. lie Lieutenant
Foulon. He demand re satisfaction -
SAID Dr.. Vicaire, particularly address
ing Colonel Skerrett. .You have kick
his dog. You write apology, yer goot.
You no write apology, you choose
ze-ze-ah! vat you call Parme-ze"
''Weapons." said Major Marsh. COM
ing to his assistance. DIR. Vicaire
bowed.
.Apologize for kicking his darned
curl" shouted the Colonel. ''What
did it come swapping and barking at
my heels for?? 1 would kick Mr.. Foo
dong himself if he did that"
'Ah!" replied the Doctor, EVER goot!
Insult Additionally" and he blew his
nose like a flourish of trumpets.
Colonel Skerrett was as brave a man
as ever stood in boots, but besides his
conscientious objections to a duel. the
cause of quarrel was so ludicrous that
he only answered with a burst OF laugh-
ter.
':Ah!" said the Doctor, calmly, but
rcddening. 'lnsult tree" And he
took q prodigious pinch of snuff.
The three friends looked at each
.other. Major Marsh took the word.
'.My friend will allow me to act for
him. We have the choice of weaponsp'
.Yes."
'.Ihen I choose them that nature
provided. Fists?"
.'Feest!!" sad the doctor, pondcring.
-t'You mean
Major Marsh explained in panto-
mime.
"sir" cried the fiery doctor, ':you
make re game of me! I see you after
my friend have re satisfaction"
''Don't get so hot, now. What do
you say to stuffed clubs in a darkened
,roomp"
1t took a long time to make the doc
tor understand this proposition, but
when he did he rejected it with con-
:stantly increasing wrath. Captain
Pickering suggested a rough-and-tum-
sble in a pit-kick, scratch, bite, claw
and gouge. Major Marsh thought an
excellent way of settling the difficulty
would be for the two adversaries to go
into shallow water and see which could
drown the other. Finally, Colonel
Skerrett suggested that they should
bring a keg Of powder on the field; cast
lots; and whichever lost should sit
upon the key and apply the cigar he
had just been smoking to a hole in the
keg. DR.. Vicaire tore his hair ana re-
jected ono and all.
''Why." said the Major, cit pears to
me that we haven't got the choice of
weapons at all"
"Of re weapon. yes! But zis is no
weapon. Swords, dagger, peestol, gun
10y all weapon. But q gouge, re
feest, re clup rempli, or vat you call re
stuff clups-ch, monsieur!!" and the
worthy Doctor stamped with rage.
Doctor" said the Major. quietly,
<sthe last suggest on of Colonel Skier
rrett is one that has been acted on. in
at least one case in one of the Southern
States of Amer ca. If yourfr end wants
an out-and out dooel, he will accept
kLo oAou &c ~ Ia ,rol of ,,orr1oy, ,,~ln~.
them conditions. Ii he don't he is only
foolin' with the matter. People blaze
away at each other here for half an
hour and shoot nothing but the pigs.
When we du a thing in the States we
du it,"
'.Sir!!" shriekcd Vicaire. with con
.centrated rage. "You coward, you
;p%oltroon, seclrat! l post you in re cafe,
re hotel. 1 and my friend whip you
W til ze-eh!-ze whip of re horse!''
ard0he rushed from the room, swing
ing his hat frantically in one hand and
pluckn at h hair with the other.
Left to themselves, the three friends
laughed heartily. AS for the DOCTORS
threat of personal chastisement, Major
Marsh alone looked strong enough to
horsewhip the National Guard if il
were called out. For the posting in the
cafes they cared exactly nothing. They
chatted and smoked and were begin
ming to forget the whole affair.
But an hour later the writer an
,nonnced: EN-. lie Lieutenant Foulon:''
M. Fouian advanced into the room,
bowed courteously to the two. and adj
dressing Colonel Skerrett, said in per-
feet English:
II have just seer my friend Vicaire.
Possibly he misunderstood. From
what he told me, | understandthatyo
made propositions which NJ gentleman
would make. Therefore YOU are NJ
gentleman. 1t remains to be seen i
You are a coward as well. / am awar
that your last proposition is a mode o
the duello practiced in some parts o