Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1885-07-02
An,nurums department.

be taken to see Daniel r., the bone setter.
A bed for the invalid was eXtemporiZed on
cart, and accompanied by his mother, he
was, after rather painful journey, taken to
the town where the bone-setter resided.
The leg was duly examined, and it was
found necessary to haul it very severely, in
order, as the bone-setter said ''to get the
bone in" The lad was liberal with his
screams while this was going on, but event
ually the bone was ''got in," and he was
told to go home and in few days he would
be all right and fit for his work. "He was
lifted up on the cart again, and, with his
mother seated beside him, set off for home.
Didn't Danny do the thing well?" said
the Joyous old lady. Eyes, he did, moth
err" said the lad, "but was nae sic fool
as gle him the sair leg?" The "reg'lar fac
ulty" will, we have no doubl, appreciate
the story.
OLD, BUT GOoD.-The Cincinnati Gazette
a number of years ago, published a good
story on distinguished lawyer named Ben
ham, of that city. He was fine orator,
but much given to display of his vast clas.
sical learning. Ina murder trial he warned
the Jury to not allow public opinion, which
was against his client, to influence the ver-
dict. In concluding his appeal, he said !:
Gentlemen of the jury, give up; drop all
feeling in this matter, and be like the an
cient Roman in his adherence to the truth,
who, in its defence, eloquently declared !:
'Amicus Cato, anaicus Plato, anatcus Cicero,
sid major urritas,' q am a friend to Cato, a
friend of Pluto. friend of Cicero, but a
greater friend to truth). The papers the
next morning reported the eloquent lawyer
as having "closed his great speech to the
jury by finely saying II may cuss Cato, l
may cuss Pluto, may cuss Cicero, said Ma
jor Veritas."
This is something similar to story that
has been going the rounds of the press con-
cerning General Sherman. HeWas walking
along the streets of St. Louis with friend
and was very pleasantly accosted by gen.
member. Thegentlemans seeing how it was,
said in a low voice: "Don't you remember
me. make your Shirts" ooh! yes" re-
piled the general, smiling, then turning to
his friend, said "Colonel -, allow me
to introduce my friend, Major Schurtz."
sgA hoosier, who was jogging into In
dianapolis the other day, looked so down in
the mouth that an acquaintance halted him
to ask if any Of the family were dead.
"No," was the rather regretful reply. ANY
body sick ?" "Guess not. The old woman
was licking the children when l came
away" ''Then what's the matter?" "pve
been butted by railroad" GLOW "'
"Why, you know them five acres of mine
out there? l was calculating to ask the
company ST., 600 for the right of way across,
and have enough land left to pasture the
cows and raise our taters, but they played
sneak on me-" "They did?" Eyes; sent
one of their agents to me and bough mt up the
whole patch for $500 an acre. and I've got
to vacate. That's just the way with them
monopolies, and nobody need tell me that a
poor man has any chance IN this country"
INVITING ON FACTS.-Two men were
quareling. One of them threatened to shoot
the other. The threatened man, in revival
of an old piece of sarcasm, asked:
"Where do you bury all your dead ?"
Just then an excited man drew the satir-
ist aside and said:
"My gracious, you ought not to talk that
waym -,
"Asking that man where he buries his
dead"
"Why?"
because he is physician. ."-Arkansow
TraUeler.
HARD TIMEs.-''How are the times down
in the country, uncle ~ asked white man
of an old negro.
"Porely, sab, porely."
"What is the cause"
"It's de comm O. desc Yankees, sah."
elbow did they cause hard times?"
"By t'arin' down all de ole smoke-hOuSeS,
sah."
"Why did that make any difference:"
"Whuto Why did dat make any differ
ence? Confoun' 'em, sab, da tore down de
log houses an built brick ones in dar place.
Da needn't be so purticular. Nobody want
gwine ter steal nuthin'. ."-Ark. Traveller.
@"Sheol is not the correct name," said
the Texan, laying down the revised edition
with an expression of dissatisfaction.
-"But the most learned men in the world
have decided that it is" remarked the mis-
sionary.
II don't care, 1 know more about it than
they do"
''How Is that?"
"Because l came from the place where
they raise it,"
hG FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT
Morning-Old darkey (at gentleman's office
"Gud mawnin'', boss. Can't yer 'slst an ole
mand dis mawnin', sab ~
Gentleman-"Nott this morning. Charity
begins at home."
Night-Same old darkey (at gentleman's
home )-"Gud evenin', boss. Icalled at yer
home fer little 'sistance, 'cordin' to our
prearrangement dis mawnin' sah"
WHAT IS PRESENCE OF MIND?-At the
closing of concert in NorristoWn, while a
young man was struggling with his hat, cane,
overcoat opera glasses, and his young lady's
fan, all of which he was trying to retain on
his lap, a suspicious-looking black bottle
from the overcoat pocket fell on the floor
with a loud thud. "There," he exclaimed
to his companion. 81 shall lose my cough
medicine" That was presence of mind.
THE EFFECT OF CULTUEE.-Boston girl
Ito Uncle James, farmer)--"Do you like
living on farm, Uncle James,"
"Uncle James-"Yes, | like it very
much.'
Boston girl-"I suppose it is nice enough
in the glad summer time, but to 60 out in
the cold and snow to gather winter apples
and harvest winter wheat imagine might
be anything but pleasantly. Y. Times.
THE RIGHT KIND OF A WOMAN.-"Do
YOU like candy, ma ?" asked Il little Austin
boy of his mother.
mo, my son, it makes me deathly sick" "
81 am SO glad to hearit. You are the kind
of a woman l can trust to hold my candy
for me until am done playing.-SJfhgs.
Not A PERFECT BRUTE.-"Are you ac-
euainted with Pete Johnson?"
Eyes, he is a perfect brute"
81 don't think he is a perfect brute. He
may be brute, but he is not perfect one,
because he lacks instinct. y perfect brute
has instinct"