The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-02-04
Rusihess IN the I.lme kim CIub.

II would respectfully announce, ="
said Brother Gardner, as the triangle
sounded its closing note, ''dat de Rt.
Hon. Blackboard Scruggs am in de
aunty-room an desiahs to deliber his
celebrated lecktur' on de subiick of
cons, chilblains and SIGH. Shall he be
admitted an purmitted?''
Judge Cadaver moved that the lect-
urer be invited TO speak his piece. and
the motion unanimously prevailed. The
committee was requested TO escort him
in, and as he passed up the hall, blow,
ing to the right and lett, he seemed 10
be man about forty-five wears old,
bald-headed, a mouth large enough TO
take in n schoOl-reader. with promi-
nent nose and limp 10 his left leg.
After being introduced he reached over
and drank the pint of cold tea which
Waydown Bebee had brought down for
his individual use, and began:
TELLER NATIVES: Nv obiick in ar
roVin heah at dis pertickler time am TO
discuss matter dat eluslv cOnsarns de
hull Guild race of dis kentry. DE con
seems to be carniverous, omniVerous.
an mighty familiar on short notice. 1t
lies down wild de rich. gifts up wild de
poo, an stands right BY you widout
strikin' for higher wages. What
causes cons? In Olden Times de con
was supposed TO be a speshul mark of
good luck. DE fe Ter who could show
six or seven of 'em on one heel was
made CUB nor ober a province an al
lowed to keep half a dozen dogs. De
little bunch was said 10 contain a pearl
seventeen carrots fine, an people went
round erwin an amentin' bekase dew
had no cons.
''ln desc modern days we know dat
CONS am caused by temporary sus-
penshun of de circulashun of the blood.
mixed wild mo- or less reackshun an
abrashun. So fur as we know de pearls
found on de inside can't be used for
fish bait, an am darfo' dead loss to
do kentry. When yon heah any one
gwine around cryin' you kin bet a spot
ted calf agin peck of dirt dat dey
amt weepin' fur CONS.
de chilblain differs slightly from de
CON-" continued the orator, dropping
trOche into his mouth. cit doan'
bunch up an come to a head in one
pertickler spot. While de con am sat-
isfied to cotch on to toe an hang dar
fur month or two, de chilblain comes
purrin' round de heel, good-natured as
an ole cat. 1t kinder tickles We fur a
day or two, an you step higher an feel
like takin' your ladder out of the poo
house. But while you am wishin' You
could buy 400 barrels of -four fur 400
widders an orphans dat chilblain be-
gins to hunt around fur mo- ground. |
AFTER he kivers de heel he creeps ford |
TO de instep, skulks to de toes, an fust
you know you am huntin' for butte
jack and currycomb. He has come
10 stay all winter an late into spring. |
You can't coax, hire nor scare him
away. In olden days de chilblain was
supposed to arise from too much brains |
in de head. De man who had 'em was
a sort of double-ender |
an people looked up to his
heels as we'll as his head. In desc
times we know dat de chilblain am
caused by a sort of spontaneous emblem
atical corruscashun of dc epidermis
at a critical period. All dat brains has
TO do in de case am to invent a cure fur
de complaint.
hod HOSHuOu " ulSSIcSS q lew
on de subjeck of bunions,
bow-legs, sittin' down on a dog an
pickin up hot cent in front of a sa-
loon, but see dat de time allowed by
your rules am almost dispired. Let me
add, in conclushun, dat am purvided
wild a box of knives, gimlets. draw
shaves, pick-axes, acids, pincers an
razors, togeder wild full supply of
salves, plasters, wax, an so 10th an
AFTER de close of de meetin' | shall be
pleased to experiment on ali members
free of expense. / will now remark:
Cam SOILS curGHter pIur.buS Cicero tre-
mems simtiibWS General Jackson, and
thank you for your needless attentions
10 my unleeling remarks.