davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

She told mo that poor old Mr.. Heath
erbone died because the young Heath
erbones would not leave him in peace
at home, but dragged him here and
there for change of air, poor old man !
And then in the same breath she told
he how the young Smilers actually
murdered their old father by keeping
him in town, whenNa breath of country
air would have saved his life.
I wonder what she says about me
when I am not by. One thing is a COM,
fort, she has not brains enough to say
anything clever. It will be almost
worth the loss of my chair covers if she
stops dropping in" for q little while,
and sending in to borrow my things,
but I am sure she will never pass Mon
day morning without sending in to me
for soap. She has her washing done at
home, but she never a remember to
get in soap, so she borrows it from me.
She borrows everything from me, but
ter, salt, fat-irons, hair-pins, coffee.
mustard, darning cotton, pepper. She
got ashamed of herself once and cams
in to me to help her to make a list
Of things she ought to have in the
house, but the woman can't even spell.
She asked me were there two ps in
pepper, and when l said "Yes, three
she actually put three in q row.. like
this pepper"
Not content with borrowing my
things she constantly finds fault with
the thing she borrows. One day she
sent in for the loan of my steps to put
up curtains.
never would have risked them had
I had the least idea she meant to get
on them herself. They were q good
set of steps, well calculated to support
an average weight. but they gave way
under hers, and two of my steps and
her collar bone got broken. Oh! how
she tOrmented me about that collar
bone. Sometimes l felt tempted to
agree with some of the neighbors who
said it was a pity it was not her neck.
She took to literature once, and
wrote a series of articles called THE
Platitude Papers," by A. Platitude.
She meant to make me hear them all,
but I got an opportuns cold, which
made me so deaf that she gave it up
in despair, AID 1 have refused to read
them myself till she could get an editor
to do so first. So l think l am toler-
ably safe.
Since the episode Of the chair covers
I have become desperate, and L think l
will change my house. 1t is a little
hard on me. The locality suits me, SO
does the house, so does all and every
thing except the Platitudes: 1 don't
want to say anything unkind, but 1 do
not think there is one saint in the cal
endar, even Moses himself, who would
have patience to live next door to
them. So, it is not too much to expect,
even of a charitable, kindly, good-na-
tured old girl like
TABITHA TOMPKINS.
N. B. Mrs. Platitude has just sent
in for the loan of an easy chair. Well,
that woman has the impertinence Of
we'll, l shan't lend it. The line must
be drawn somewhere. I. TOMPKINs.
P. Spy heavens, she's coming IN
for it herself.-Judge.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
YOUNG
A Species Of the Monkey Family Which
Closely Resembles Man?

"A species OF the MONKEY F8uoLAy WHICH
Closely Resembles Man?
The chimpanzee is generally ad-
mitted to be the highest species of the
apes, because its anatomy compares
more favorably with that of man than
any other of the monkey family. The
adult measures nearly five feet in
height. Its body is covered with long
blackish-brown hair, which is thick
upon the back, but scant upon the fore
part of the body; at the sides Of the
head the hair is very long, and hangs
down in the form of whiskers; the eyes
are rather small; the lips are thick, and
admit of great %protrusion. The hands
and feet are nearly naked, and the
hairs of the forearm are directed toward
the elbow.
The chimpanzee is a native of the
Guinea region of West Africa. 1t has
only been within the last few years that
living specimens have been exhibited
in this country. Our Geological Gar
dens. Philadelphia, have now two in
.teresting individuals of this species
Although they are cOmparativel.
young, perhaps not older than six
years, yet they have an extremely an
tiquated appearance. 1 heard a coun-
tryman say to a bystander that he
Guessed they were seventy years old,
easy" One of them has such a great
fondness for an old blanket that he
carries or drags it with him wherever
he goes. Even if he desires to climb
to the extreme top of his cage, the
blanket must 60 along, although it
greatly retards his progress. He
knows its use, but does not always use
it judiciously. Thus, on an oppress-
lively hot day in July l have seen him
reclining for twenty minutes or more,
entirely enveloped in the blanket, with
the exception of his face, looking at
the spectators with a comical and pout-
ing expression. l saw one, when leased
and disappointed by its keeper, throw
itself upon the floor, and roll and
scream vehemently, very like a
naughty child in a tantrum. A board
shelf was placed across their cage for
them to climb upon. This they soon
found could be used as a spring board,
oAo hoSiihS SSShuS W SisS luOIC
pleasure than, when there is a good
audience, to steal gently to the center
of the board, grasp it tightly with all
fours, and spring violently up and
down, causing the board with Them
selves to vibrate rapidly, and produc-
ing at the same time a loud, jarring
noise. They then seem to greatly en-
JOY the startled and amused looks of
the spectators. Perhaps one of their
mos. human actions is ianguidly to re-
cline. and holding a straw in one hand,
liS1essly to chew al its tip, while the
eyes are rolled vacantly around. 1t
may be that they are then building
''castles in Spain" A lady observing
a chimpanzee thus engaged, said he
was thinking of liberty and his sunny
home. But l do not for q moment
suppose he was dreaming of and long
ing for his native home-the luxuriant
and balmy forests beside the calm-glid-
ing Gambia-but rather saying to HIM
self: Isn't it most time for that bossy
and consequential cousin of mine to
bring me my boiled rice and milk"
&C. Few SeiSs, in Scientific american.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
-H,,nSt looking cnuntrymau 4


The railway engines of fifty years
ago weighed eight or nine tons, had
eleven-inch cylinders, and cast iron
wheels four feet in diameter, the work.
ing pressure being fifty pounds to the
square inch. The engines of our day
have seventeen and eighteen-inch cyl
inders, wheels seven or eight feet in
diameter. and weight from thirty-fve
to fOrty-iiye tons. Instead of a speed
of sixteen miles they travel from forty
to fifty miles per hour.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
"A T NONSENSE"

A small boy, who slid down a tree
pretty fast, and blistered the skin OF
his hands, said: IL guess | don't yearn
for 4 hotter climb than this"
Teacher: ''Why are you writing in
such a big hand?" Tom: ..Why you
see, my grandmother is deaf, and I'm
writing to her."-Golden Days.
Professor Ito class in m%ineralOgy)'
"Can you recall L mineral occurring in
the liquid formg" Philosophical Stu.
dent: Milk; because it comes in
quarts!"
Powerful steel knives which will cut
cold iron have been invented. The i'll
ventOr hopes in time to produce knives
which will cut clearinghouse pie crust.
-NOrriStOWn Herald.
You are opposed to the use OF
slang. then, Jennie?" he said.
''Well. / should twitter!" she replied,
and then he knew that he must not use
slang any more in her presence.-Som-
srriAe Journal.
Said an astronomer to q bright
eyed girl, when talking of rainbOws:
''Did you ever see q lunar bow, miss?"
81 have seen q beau by moonlight, il
that is what you mean," was the sly
rejOinder.-N. Y. independent.
Some paragraphist says that Frank
lin did not discover lightning until after
he was married. There are many men
not half so great as Franklin who not
only discover lightning after they are
married, but catch thunder Chicago
Journal.
On reading in a newspaper that i
piece of fresh beef bound on the face
every night would make the coHplex-
ion fair. a Chicago drummer tried the
experiment. He put a quarter of beef
on each cheek and went to bed, and
next morning found that the brass in
in his check had formed verdigris on
the beef and poisoned two yellow cats
and a bob-tailed poodle that had been
nibbling the beef.-Paris Beacon.
The delights of a musical block are
thus described by bob" Burdette:
Hark and oh hear, the piano is banging
Sonnet and c%anticlc, chant and glcel,
The fellow upstairs his guitar Is atwanging,
The children are singing u jubilee.
Just over the way there's q banjo, 1 think,
With its "Pink-a-punk-pank, punk. pink.
And down ut the corner the man with the
Eute
Is rending the night with a t~ootle-too-toot.
And Dom pah-pah, Dom, pah-pah, bra-a, bra-a,
boom!
The brass band is practising in its room.
Honest looking countryman to
Kearney street clothing dealer. II have
brought back the secondhand over
coat you sold me yesterday" Dealer:
Never takes pack anything ven vonce
sOlt, mine frient." Countryman: That's
al. right. l merely called to say l
found a five hundred dollar bill swed
up in the lining, as the real owner
might call for it," Dealer: .'Of gorse
he will; he call already, mine teal
%frent," Selling the coat, ..you ish Won
honest man; ] give you feefty dollars
ash reward. Dot will pc all right"
C%ountryman having gained the street,
soliloquises: Guess l had better skip
to Portland before he discovers that it IS
acounterfeit five hundred dollar BILL
San francisco Posi-.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
Mnnn nm in presents giren a,oay.
XvIuI Send us ) cents postage.
W0UU,UUU and by mail you will get

free n package Of goods Of large value,
that will start you in work that will at
once bring you in money faster than any
thing else in America. All about the
$4,000 in presents with each box.
Agents wanted everywhere, Of either
sex, of all ages, for all the time or spare
time only, to work for us at their own
homes. Fortunes for all workers ab-
solutely assured. Don't delay. Il. HAL
LETT & Co., Portland, Maine.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

Catholic journals advocate the dis
continuance of preaching fulsome
eulogies and the writing Of fulsome
obituaries, respecting the dead.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
CONSULT THE FOLLOWING ALPHA.
BETlCAl LIST. ,

A1.BGMS. Arithmetics. Arnoid'S Ink
lgenuine), AlgebraS, Autograph Al
buns, Alphabet l. ocks. Authors Cards,
Arks, AccordeOns, Abstract Legal Cap.
BRUSHES. Baskets, Baby Toys, Books.
Bibles, Bells for boys, Blank Books,
Birthday Cards. Basket Buggies. boys
Tool-chests, Balls. Bankers Cases,
boys Wagons. Sleds and Wheelbar-
rows, Butcher Books, Brass-edyed Ru-
lers, Bill books, Book Straps, Base
Balls and Bats.
CANDIES. Cards, Calling Cards, { ii
Cases Combs, Comb Cases. Cigar g.
ses, Checker Boards, ChlIdren's Chairs.
ups and Saucers jfaney) Circulating
Library, Collar and Cuff Boxes, Copy
Books, Christmas Cards, Chinese TOYS,
CrayoEs, Checkers. Chess-men. CrOquel
sets.
DOM ESTRC Sewing Machines, Draw
ing Paper, Dressing Cases, Drums,
Diaries, Drafts in books, Dolls, Dressed
Dolls, Dominoes, Drawing books.
ENVELOPES, Elementary school
books, Erasers (blackbOard), EraSers
| (rubber).
FICTION Books, Floral Albums, Fur
nIture polish.
4: KAMMA R>, Biographies, Geome-
tries Glove boxes, toy Guns, horoscopes
(tO illustrate the laws of moIiou).
HARFEK'S Readers. handsome Holi-
day gifts. H~anu-giaSse>, Hobby horses,
Hand-satchels, Histories.
1NkS. Gall good kinds and colOrsL Ink
stands common and fancy.
JEW Ell Cases, Jews harps.
X El;S of ink, Kitchen sets.
l.EllG ERS. Ledger paper, Legal cap,
Lunch baskets, L~Ookingglasses.
MASON & HlmIin Organs, Magnets,
Music boxes, Magazines, Mustache
| cups, Mouth organs. MemOraudumS,
Music books. Music holders, Machine
oil, Mats, MOderator's records, Much
| lage, Microscopes.
NEEDLES for sewing machines, Note
paper.
ORGANS. Oil for sewing machines,
Organ stools, Organ seats.
Periodicals. Pictures. Puzzle
blocks. Presents, Picture books, Pianos,
Pens, Papetries, Pencils. Purses, Pol
'Ei 'i q "iitpiitb NiSNS< Iptl
cutters. Paper fasteners, Picture puZ-
Zle>, Picture frames, Pocket books,
Periumery and Periumery eases, Paper
racks, Pencil holders.
REV a X ID cards, Rubber balls, Rub
Der dolls.
SCHOOL books, Sewing stands, School
Satchels. States, StereOscopes and pie
lures, Scrap books, Scrap pictures,
Sewing machine needles. Scholars com.
panions, Specie purses, Singing TOW
eanaries, Sleds for boys, Shawl straps,
Shell goods.
TELESCOPES. Toys of ali kinds,
children's Trunks, Thermometers,
Tooth brushes Cfoldingl, Tea sets for
girls, Tool chests for boys, Ten-pin sets
for boys, Tooth picks, Tin toys.
VlOI-lNS and strings, Vases.
WOODBRIDGE Organs, Work bas-
kets, Waste baskets, Whips with
case), Webster's dictionaries, Weather
glasses, Work boxes. Whips for boys,
Wagons for boys, Wbat-nots, Wooden
tooth picks.
Eleventh Street, journal" Building.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

"1N more money than at anything
wv else by taking an agency for
AA' the best selling book out. Be-
ginners succeed grandly. None fail.
Terms free. HALLETT Book Co, Port
land, Maine. 4-32-y
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
VERY LOW.

Tuition for fifteen weeks $lj. Board
costs from $3.50 to 500 4 week. In
clubs and by collaborating il costs less
Places can be found Tor several more
students who wish IL pay part or whole
Of board by hOusework or chores.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
The Faculty.

PRESIDENT JONES has had over
twenty years experience in Educational
work.
PROFESSOR HAMLIN, Principal of
the Business [ Oilegc. has had over fifteen
years experience and is a Superior Pen
man and Expert Accountant.
PROFESSOR MOiILER is IN oriYiur
and inspiring teacher in the Natura
Science and Business Departm. nt>.
PROFESSOR LAWTON. Of Boston.
Mass. is L superior Instructor i'll Gu,ic
Miss Sarah Sherman, of Chicago, is an
artist Of rare talent and skill, aud 4 mo-
successful Teacher. Miss Lydia l..
Jones and Miss Je->ir CJNlaS are :rIi
yates Of the Northwestern University,
and able teachers. Mr.. A. A. Cowi,> il
Il practical short han : Reporter AMI AL
adept ut type-writing. TIE ether teach
ers are thoroughly Uulliuci.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

The drum is found in every country
Of the world except China.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
No Vacations.

The WINTER TERM OF ID weeks will
begin Dee. 81, but students CAN
Al ANY TIME, and are doing 50 cnntin
ual. Y, pay ing charges only from time Of
entering TO time Of leaving.
For particulars address the under
signed. W. p. JONES, A. NJ.
Prest. of Normal College. Fremont. Nrh.
b Ini0.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
Eleventh Street, journal" Building.
DR.. R SPECIFIC No. 1.

DR.. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 1.
\ Certain Cure for Nervous Debility,
Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Ennis
%sions, SpermatorrhUa, and all diseases of
the genito-urinary organs caused by self
abuse or over indulgence.
Price, 81 00per box, six boxes $500.
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 2.
For Epileptic Fits, Mental Anxiety,
Loss of Memory, SOfteniDg of the Brain,
and all those diseases of the brain. Prise
Sl.OO per box, six boxes $500.
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 8.
For Impotence, Sterility in either sex,
Loss of Power, premature old age, and all
those diseases requiring 4 thorough in
MIGRATING of the sexual organs. Price
$500 per box, six boxes $1,000.
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. T..
For Headache, Nervous Neuralgia, and
all acute diseases of the nervous system.
Price 5Oc per box, six boxes $3.50.
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. S.
For all diseases caused by the Oyer.use
of tobacco or liquor. This remedy is par
ticularly eficacious in averting palsy and
delirium tremens. Price St.0O per box,
six boxes $500.
We Guarantee a Cure, or agree to re-
fund double the money paid. Certificate
in each box. This guarantee applies 10
each Of our five Specifics. Sent by mail
TO any address, secure from observation,
on receipt of price. Be careful TO mention
the number Of Specific wanted. Our
Specifics are only recommended for spe-
cific diseases. Beware of remedies war
ranted to cure all these diseases with one
medicine. To avoid counterfeits and al
ways secur the genuine, order only from
DOWTY Il CHlNN,
DRUGGISTS,
1871 Columbus, Neb.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
SALMON
CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER.

Plans and estimates supplied for either
frame or brick buildings. food work
guaranteed. Shop on 18th Street, near
st. Paul Lumber Yard, Columbus, Ne
braska. 52 emo.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 8.

For Impotence, Sterility in either sex
Loss of Power, premature old age, and al
those diseases requiring 4 thorough in
MIGRATING of the sexual organs. Price
$500 per box, six boxes $1,000.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 4
DIR. WARNS SPECIFIC No.

For Headache, Nervous Neuralgia, and
all acute iseases of the nervous system.
Price soc per box, six boxes $3.50.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

Qleu In giving Me DlrCn, ana L always
thought my father hated me for it. At
any rate, after my step-mother died, he
took me to a small village somewhere
and left me with a strange man. l
have never married, but once had a
gal in Buffalo. l used to compose
songs about her, but 1 don't know
where she is now"
.'Doyou expect to live here upon pub
lie charity?"
Eyes. 1 have only earned $40 o since
last harvest a year ago. When l work
and eat women's cooking, l get sick
and have to quit. Here l shall have
pure water to drink, pure air, pure
food, and shall live in the ground. One
might almost live on this water alone"
'.But people will see that you are
well, whole, and apparently able to
work. They will not give you any
thing"
II got ten cents this morning, and
I'M never without a penny. 1 can
earn a living playing the bones and
singing at saloons, but I keep away
from them. / don't want to be called
a bum NV condition is the result of
misfortune and Suffering. Idon't want
yousto make my Ease a load on your
mind, though, as a charitable man
ought to do. Ialways get along. 1have
been taken for q miser. While living
in the swamps near Hamilton. Ont, I
was fired at one night. got a load OF
shot in the rim of my hat, my coat col
lar and the folds of a scarf around my
neck. No, I'm no miser."
The strange man continued to relate
incidents of his trampings; of his life
and experiences, and gave his views
upon all manner of subjects, including
labor, money, scenery of the south,
-.minstrelism" and newspapers-never
suspecting that he was talking to IN
Express reporter.-Brfao Express.
The Columbus journal., 1885-01-14

WOODBRIDGE Organs, Work bas-
kets, Waste baskets, Whips with
case), Webster's dictionaries, Weather
glasses, Work boxes. Whips for boys,
Wagons for boys, Wbat-nots, Wooden
tooth picks.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-05-09
FAIR-VIEW.

VIM. III. Miller has his new house
under roof. and will soon be able to
occupy it.
J. w. Snyder is charging his saw
mill, and is going to manufacture
broom-handles on large scale.
The Friendship U. B. Sunday
School reorganized two weeks ago
with Rev. w. B. Evers, as Superin-
tendent; B. F. Trostle and Chas.
Ramsburg Secretaries, r. X. Seibert
and J. l.. Seibet, Librarians; and
G.. r. Hers, Treasurer. The
school has a good corp of Teachers is
in a prosperous condition, and has
fine prospects for the ensuing year.
Miss Lizzie Riley has been sick for
two weeks, but is now convalescent.
The prospect for fruit crop is good
in this section.
The closing exercises of the Fair
View School will be held Thursday
evening, May IA, beginning at eight
O'Clock. The public is cordially in
vited.
The Sabbath School at this place
was organized ON last Sabbath. The
following Officers were elected for the
ensuing year: G. G. Janney, Supt.;
Rev. John Rowe, assistant Supt.;
Almon Smith, Secretay; John L.
Ambrose, librarian.
A fire, the origin of which is un-
known, occurred in Mr.. G. Tabler's
woods one day this week, and destroy
ed several panels of fence.
May 6, '85. NYE.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-05-09
KEARNEYSVILLE.

Bishop Geo. w. Peterkin, of the
Diocese of West Va, was the guest
of DIR. d. w. Border on Saturday last.
The following Sunday he preached at
Leetown III a. M to large congre-
cation, at Bunker Hill p. M, and
Middleway at night.
Some of our people last evening
were considerably excited over fire
visible westward of this place. 1t
proved to be in Mr.. Vanmetre's
woods.
We are suffering some from drought,
but hope ere you set this in type that
rain will have come.
Some of our farmers are planting
corn, but the majority have not yet
finished blowing. The dry weather
has been quite check to the growth
of wheat and grass, and the present
outlook for wheat is only half of a
crop. The prospect for fruit is very
bright. The trees are heavily laden
with bloom and if no frost comes, the
crop will be the largest in the county
for many years.
May 5, 1885. MARY BEAU.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-05-09
For The HERALD.
SHAD0WY THIN BROTHER j.

Our honorable and well beloved
brother j., of Shanghai. You accuse
us of smearing rather THICK in refer
ence to ID. HI. Dood. Now we are not
duck pond that is never stirred by a
ripple. We are not a poor box gap
ping for pennies and swallowing every
thing, good and bad, without any re-
sistance, consequently your charge
has sent our blood up to boiling point
and we want to meet you, look you
square in the eye, and tell you BROTH
er j., that you are mistaken.
All that we have said in reference
to d. HI. Dodd is TRUE. We defy
you or any other man in the County
to prove that we have made one false
statement in our letter. You bring
up man who can not find one friend
who is ardent enough to call him a
"Saint." What we have to say to
that, is, if he is a bachelor, all right !;
if he is married and not one woman
in the county loves him well enough
to call him saint, then he is too thin
for us. We should say he has but two
sides and they are thin enough to see
through. What do we want with an
ICICLE; we want a man with HEART
for our leader. We want a pillar of
strength, four square and solid, tow
ering heavenWard; we want the man.
ly and christian virtues, the skill and
polish, tact and energy, that we find
in David Henry Dodd-the man who
has scores of friends who honor and
love him, and not a few who would
stand by him true ere'e unto DEATH!
Of 10 dc
are willing to brand him an OUTLAW.
This gentleman must be swimming
over very wide gulf somewhere be-
tween Saints rest and outlaw! look
out. Right here we want to give you
bit of advice-nOt the advice you
give to Dodd's friends, viz, to keep
their mouths shut till after election, !"
but just the opposite, Open your
mouth aide and. give your man the
benefit of vigorous blast from your
powerful lungs. Help him out of the
water. Help him hunt a plank that
is worth standing on; show us all
sides of the man; bring out every
good quality. We want to know him
before we honor him. By the way
you do not want us to honor him, so
you say no Purple; no Laurel; no
Olive leavesw Ifyour man is insen-
sible to these things, he is too weak to
bear the heavy responsible duties of
Co. Supt., and yet this is the man
you are going to pull up by the ear
and sock into Office without ceremony.
Dear brother, we fear that you are
hugging a delusive phantom-a shad-
ow man. Have little of our butter
that you think we smeared too thick,
last week. Put in little beef bone
and sinew, too, and then if you have
a BETTER man than Dodd for Co. Su-
perintendent, bring him out. But if
he is a shadow, you will have to wait
until David III. Dodd's rising sun has
set, to call the shadows and MOON
beams out. M.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1885-05-09
LITTLE ORLEANS.

The Teachers' Institute, held in
Berkeley Springs, last week, closed on
Friday afternoon. 1t was well at
tended throughout the whole time,
having an enrolment of fifty three
the largest enrolment, no doubt, of
any Institute ever held in the county.
1t was conducted by Prof. Brown Of
Martinsburg, assisted by Prof. Cork
of Wheeling, private secretary ofState
Supt. Morgan, Both gentlemen are
men of ability as educators. They
conducted tho Institute i'm an able
manner, Prof. Brown displaying a
seemingly inexhaustible store of in
formation on every subject. Nearly
all the teachers remained for the ex-
animation, held on Saturday the, day
after the Institute closed. d.
May 4th, 1885.