Bridgeton pioneer., 1885-12-31

things about III such u manner that
the BARREL OF soft soap stood where the
pork should stand; and she, in her
haste, not noting the change, had
mounted the former.
Land O. massy! What won't that
man do next, I'd like to know?"
Making plunge for the top of tho
barrel she tried to extricate herself;
but each successive attempt proved
only a failure.
"What ou arth's body going to do
in this fix? Marsha! Marsha Ann!
What can that gal be about that she
don't come when | call her? Hanging
on the fence, warrant, a-talking to
that Tom Ryder. I will Tom Ryder
the hull lot if l ever git out of here!"
Just at this moment Marsha came
through the hatchway.
"Where are you, mother?'
"Where be l? l should think you'd
ask! Go ask Tom Ryder! Mebbe
he'll tell you-that's all you think on
and leave me to git along alone"
"Where are you, mother? didn't
hear you call. l was washing the
greens. )"
.Here 1 be. tell you, in the soap
barrel. Where do you s'pose?"
'.In the soap barrel?" queried
Marsha.
One glance was sufficient. Con-
vulsed with laughter, she seated her
self on stone jar to recover suffi-
ciently to render the needed assistance.
MARSHA Ann Stutson! What do
you mean? Haven't l learnt you
to lo,,rh of nthaJ fg1l-S' nolo mi
ties? And here you be a-laughing
right in your mothers face"
But, mother, never saw you in
soap barrel before"
'Tain't noways likely you ever will
again if git out of this one. Go out
into the lot and call your father and
Jabe to come here quick as their legs'n
fetch 'em. But you needn't tell them
what's happened they'll find that out
quick enough when they get here"
Marsha, once out of her mothers,
sight, enjoyed another hearty laugh,
and ran for the men, who, dropping
their rakes, fastened toward the
house. Marsha waited at the top of
the stairs, trying to compose her coun-
tenance before entering the presence
of her mother; at last she led the way
for Jabe, saying:
Mother has met with an accident
down here"
Peering through the darkness, hon
est Jabe exclaimed, on beholding her
mothers stuation:
chow did you get in there?"
'It's none of your business how l
came here. I'm here and have got to
be got out some way or ruther
Where's your manners, Jabez Hovey,
that you'll stand there and laugh at
me in this perdickerment?"
''Perdickerment! l should say it
was soap barrel, if l was any Judge" :"
"What if It's? Do you think L m so
big a fool that don't know what I've
got into? Marsha, where's your
father? Why don't he come along?"
'He is coming"
Eyes, SOS Christmas. 1 s'pose if
the house was afire he wouldn't hurry
a mite the quicker"
"Why, judy" said Mr.. Stutson on
entering the cellar, where on 'arth be
ye, anyway"
Where be L? Can't you see moth
ing? Better put on your specks and
look in the soap barrel. Wall, l de-
clare for it! Eff l hain't got to stand
here and wait for another to haw-haw
and giggle! For my part, | don't see
nothing to laugh at What are you
thinking on, Giles Stutson, a-standing
there laughing like that at me? What
kind of use is it for me to learn
Marsha Ann to be respectful when
you, her father, don't t show no respect?"
"Come, come, mother. don't scold.
If you could see yourself as we can
you'd laugh yourself; you couldn't
help it,
''But how came you to git in there,
Judy? Guess you must have got foul
of that cider barrel"
''Giles, what do you mean a-talking
so when you know was one of the
leading wimmin in the temperance
cause, and the idee! accusing me right
afore my own child of doing sich a
thing"
"Wall, Miss Stutson, how are YOU
going to get out?" asked Jabe.
THAT'S what I'd like to know.
Jabe, you get that wash bench around
here so that | can have it to step on to-
and you take hold of this side and
Giles, here, you take tother, and when
you two hist me up, Marsha Ann can
scrape off the soap, Here, Giles, you
amt good for nothing! Ye never was
knee high to toad. If | ever git
another man, I'll git one that won't
have to stand on sheet of paper to
reach a soap barrel!'
After numerous attempts, Mrs. Slut
son was partially outside the barrel,
with one knee resting on the top,
when splash she went back again,
scattering the soap in every direction,
u goodly portion lodging on Giles
shirt front, while he, with the others,
was enjoying another hearty laugh.
''Did | ever see sich a pack of fools?"
There's no use crying over split
milk, Judy.
'Spilt milk and woman in bar
rel of soft soap are two different
things, and you'll find it out so aforc
you get through"
Il always told you, Judy, if you'd
do little less scolding, and use little
more soft soap, you'd make a good
many more friends than YOU do now"