St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1885-04-03
POOR MANS ENJOYMENT.
Unfortunately IL Was at the Expense of az,
AdUertist,sg Rep eSentatiUe A,Tayed
z

Unfortunately it Has at the Expense of n
AdUertist,aD Rep eSentati1e A,Tayed
Regardless of Expense.
Opie p. Read in n. Y. Mercury.
''Kill him; why III kill him as certain as
l live. Put up with such an outrageous in.
suit? Never, sahl"
The speaker was Col Mortimer Chillings,
legislative representative from Putnam
county, AK. In one hand he held a bat
tered plug hat, covered with mud and drip
ping with water.
''What's the matter2' asked the speaker
of the house, approaching.
''Matterp' exclaimed the colonel, holding
up the hat; ''look at this.''
GLOW did it occurln
Occurred in the way of q direct insult,
sab. That's how it occurred; For some
time our country has had great notion Of
inducing immigration. How to hit upon
some practical method of advertising was
what bothered us. At last Sam Hines-you
know Sam. He that was whipped once by
the Kukux. Well, Sam, he got up petit
ton to the county court, setting forth the
advantages of putting on little style and
asking that an appropriation be made to buy
a plug hat for the representative in the legis-
ature. Said that few civilized airs, put on
by member, would attract great attention,
and that capitalists would want TO know
what county the wearcr Of the plug had the
honor Of representing. The scheme took
like wild fire. The county judge said in
speech that created great enthusiasm, that
the county had hitherto INJURED itself by al
lowing its representative to wear a hickory
shirt and pair of copperas breeches. Tho
appropriation was made, and with proper
ceremony / was conducted over to Geesen-
heimer's store. He only bad one plug,
mighty tall thing, but the boys said it was
Just the very kind, and that if Eastern CAPT
tai didn't pour into the county it would be
great mistake on the part Of people who
were on the lookout for good investments.
! couldn't help but feel proud when put 1t
on and set out for the state capital ! was
sure that ] would attract attention, and did.
As ! was walking down the street this morn
ing met a half-drunken fellow, who told
me to stop minute. | did SO, and waited
for him TO explain. Around the corners OF
his mouth there lurlied the rayeled ends of a
peculiar grin. What do you wantP said l.
The grin grew broader and the rayelled
ends Of popularity seemed to fit like the
corners Of a baudana handkerchief when
held up in a south breeze.
'"Mi5ter, said he, Il am poor man with
a large family on my hands. ] have never
asked charity, and until this moment had
ne yer thought that would ever ask favor
of any one, but you have forced me 10 an
extremity which / had hoped 10 avoid
'Whatscan DO for youP' asked. 'As tell
you he went on q am poor man. ] have
been cheated Of much Of this WORLDS enjoy
ment, and have withstood many temptations,
but, sab. there Is a crisis In the lives Of all
men. Until a few moments ago ] was quiet
and 'unassuming, but you have compelled
me 10 become demonstrative. Promise me
that # nv actlons-which indeed ] cannot
restrain-prove strange and freakish to you,
that YOU will reflect upon the general sadness
Of my life and excuse me-, and with that he
hauled Of With a stick ana knocked my hat
into the middle of the street Now look at
if. Before ] could recover from my surprise
draw had run over It, and steer driven
BIZ butcher caught It on bis horns and car
ried it half a mile. Look at II, will yOui
Oh. Pm going 10 Kill him. What explana-
ton can ] make ~ the county cOurti Hah
What can ] say when they ask me to give an
account Of mysefl Knocked of my hat be-
cause be was poor and had never seen any
fun. Kill him Why, all the doctors in the
town can't keep that fellow alive"