Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-06-05
BRIGHT BIS.

JUDGE-"HOw old are you, madame?' Wit
ness-"l have no personal knowledge of my
age, and hearsay testimony, | understand, is
not accepted in this cOurt.'-BOstOB Beacon.
THEY didn't pick that stuff quick enough
dld they, mammal" asked a little boy as he
passed a grOceryaWheTe several cakes of Linn
burger were taking a breathing spell outside.
-ErchdRge.
BEHIND the scenes: First Crusader-''I say
Bill, let US put up nickel and send out for a
schoonerof beer between u.s. Second Crusa-
der-"Good for you, Bob. We had better do
II right now while we have got the mOGey, for
IN the next act, You know, we are captured by
me Saracens. and have TO pay ransom Of
$4,000 each. 7ecaS strings.
IT is said in defense of the English sparrow
nuisance that they eat the l7-year locusts. 1t
may be so, and 1t may not. Time VIII tell
Meanwhile, If it could only be shown in be-
hair OF the locust that he eats the sparrow,
what boon he would be. He would be a
stays with us a little while. Whereas the
sparrow. like poverty, sin and crime, is with
us alWays.-Herdtd.
81 SEE the papers are making a great fuss
about 'Conkling's scorn.'" NO, Is that sof"
"Oh, yes. l have noticed mum Der of articles
about It," well, can't be curedf" "What?"
81 say can't it be cured?" ''What do they
want to cure it for?" "Oh, don't know, but
one what?" "A corn" II said ConklinT,s
scorn, not his cOrn.H Yes know what YOU
SURROUNDINGS corn" Then they clinched.
Boston Post.
The wife of an optical instrument maker
tried. on landing at New York after a Euro
pean tour, to smugEle under her dress a guam
tlty OF afJinclal eyes. In reply to the usual
question whether she had anything to declare,
she sand, NO" most positively; but, on the
officer shaking her dress. the deception was
exposed, and. in spite of her ''NOs," the owes
had it But how absurd of the fair smuggler
to expect to escape detection when every eye
was upon her!-Eechdnge.
"AND what does this Mr.. Lively do for a
liYing?" asked the old lady.
He's newspaper man."
"A newspaper man. Goes around and finds
out what's going on IN the world. writes it
down and sends it to the newspapers"
"Sakes alive! l should think a great big
strong fellow like him might be in better busi-
ness-a carpenter, or blacksmith, or somathin'
OF that sort. '-Harper's Basar.
Ice CREAM INCIDENT
Life is real life Is earnest!
Well, old fellow / should scream,
And guess you'd thought so, too
If you had seen her eating cream.
-WasbinGtOn Hdtcbets
No enjoyment, but great sorrow,
Came across the Old mans way.
When he found he'd got to borrow
Else the bill he couldn't pay.
-GOrhdn, MOWntdineer.
LITTLE ERNEST, a small boy recently emAn-
cipated from kits, walked into the nursery
one morning, and was quite dsgusted upon
finding that il had not been put in order for
the day-one of the rules of the house being
that no playthings should he brought out until
the sweeping was done. He left the room for
short time, and, finding matters no better
on his return, exclaimed mpatIentiy: "Well,
hasn't this room been sweeped YETI" "Why,
Ernest" said his mother, "do you think that
is good grammar" "Oh, well, then" SAID
he, 'has it been s1ooDenF-St Nicholas,
FILIAL AFFECTION
There's a girl who, I've a notion,
Would make any household glad.
See her beautiful devotion
To her old and hOmely dad.
Who can say what is the reason
OF this fond and filial fuss
Why at this peculiar season
Should she treat the old man thusP
Though he's bald he's very thrifty,
And | venture now to guess
That she's working him for fifty
Dollars for new spring dress.
Chicago Rambler.