Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1885-11-26
ALL ABOUT WOMEN.

THAT Wits and Satirists Hare Had to
Say-Cynical and Cemlcal Remarks
About Feminine Peeuliarities.
The funny man and the cynical
writer can always find something
witty and sharp to say about women
collectively; in other words, he al |
Ways shoots forth his sallies at long
range. Here are few Of their gen.
sralizations. Eidu, one of the repu-
ted seven sages, said: "Whether
women be handsome or not does not |
signify. II they are ugly, they turn
ones stomach; if they are lovely,
they turn ones head" Montague
said he would net be a woman, for
then he could not love her. And
Lady Montague remarked that the
only objection she had to be q man
was that she should then have to
marry a woman.
A modern wit defines the differ
ence between men and women: "a
man gives forty cents for a twenty
five cent thing he wants, and a woman
gives twenty-five cents for a forty
cent thing she does not want"
On the subject of courtship and
marriage we can report some interes-
ting sayings. A German writer says
a young girl is a fishing-rod, the
eyes being the hook, the smile the
bait, the lover the gudgeon, the mar
riage the butter in which he is fried.
There are really tive eventful periods
in the life Of a woman; enc, when
she wonders who she will have; the
other, when she wonders who will
have her. A cynical sailor has given
his reasons why ship is always
called "she." It is because the ships
are useless without employment,
they bring news from abroad, they
wear caps and bonnets, they are Of
ten painted, and man never knows
the expense until he gets one. And
during the war Artemus Ward OBJ
served: "None but the brave deserve
the fair, and none but the brave can
live with some of them" Here is q
purely ironical description of the
sex: "a woman is q mighty handy
thing to have about the house. She
doesn't cost any more to keep than
you'll give her, and she'll take &
great interest in you. II you 60 out
at night, she'll be awake when yer
get home, and then she'll tell 70,
all about yourself, and more, too
As to wives some vile traduce
says that month before marriage
and a month after death men regar,
their wives as angels.
| Douglas Jerrold observed: ON
motion of wife at forty is that
man should be able to change hel
like a bank note, for two twenties.
A gentleman once rode up to pub
lie house in the country and asked
"Who is the master Of this house?'
II am, sir" replied the landlord
''my wife has been dead about thre
weeks"
| But there is nothing so calculate
to call out the deep earnestness of
true woman, and enlist her mos
faithful devotion, as the doing up @
her back hair. There was, once upo
a time, Connecticut man who be
lieved in self-improvement, and VIII
suggested to his wife that the
should argue some question, frank
and freely, every evening, and try .
learn more of each other. Th
question for the first night happene
to be whether a woman could be e,
pected to get along without sprin
hat, and he took the affirmative
but they say that when he was las
, seen he had climbed up into the ha
loft, and was pulling the ladder u
after him.
6 A gentleman cenversing with
Brooklyn lady about the absurdit
of female apparel and the frivol!t
of fashionable life, exclaimed: 81
there on earth bigger fool than
: mere woman of fashien?" III
questioner considered himself sh,
up aud put dswn, like a disagreeabI
, book, when the lady answered: "Yes
= the man who admires her"
"women," quoth Jones, "are fine salt
of life,
, Atonce boon and a blessing.n
"In one way they're salad, indeed, repli,
Brown,
"They take SO much time In the
dressing"
1t is said that the full dress of
native lady in Colombo ia hairp
!. and two garters, and in the West I
dies that ladies wore corsets fro
INSTINCT natural love of beiI
= squeezed.
Much ridicule has been heaped u
on woman because she can't keep
secret. A gentleman sat down
write deed, and began with 'sKnt
all women by these presents" "Y'
are wrong" SAID by-stander;
ought to be Know all men," I've
well," answered the other. "if
women know it, all men will,
, course"
Said Lord A to friend, W
- wished to convey a matter of imp
tonca IN a Iadv U;tbon{ d;rac{Jv M