Hand County press. (Miller, Dakota [S.D.]) 1882-1893, 1885-07-16
RISE AID FALL OF THE ROLLER
RINKIST.
By BILL NYE.

have once more tired TO ride a pair Of
roller skates. That is the reason I got
down on the rink and down on roller
skates. That is the reason several people
got down on me. That Is also the reason
Why now state in public manner to
lost and undone race, AMI unless the roller
rink Is at once abolished, the whole civil.
lied race will be pl inged into arnica.
had tiled it once before, but had not
carried my experiments to successful
termination. made a trial trip around
the rink last August, bu. WAS ruled out by
the judges for incompetency, and advised
to skate among peopls who were hostile to
the government Of the United States,
while the proprietors repaired the rink.
On the 9Th OF September nestled in
the bosom OF a cyclone TO excess, and it
has required the bulk Of the succeeding
months for nature to glue the bones of my
leg together IN proper shape That il the
reason have not given the attention to
roller skating that should.
A few weeks ago read what Mr.. Tai.
madge said about this great national vice.
II was his opinion that If we skated i, n
proper spirit, We could leave the rink each
evening with our immortal souls in good
| shape.
Somehow it got out that on Thursday
evening would undertake the feat Of
skating three rounds in three hours with
no protection TO my scrurles, for one half
the gate money, TalInadgo rulcs. SO
there was quito a large audience present
with opens glasses. Some had umbrellas,
especially ou the front rows. These were
worn spread in order to ward of frag-
mrnts of the rink which might become
disengaged and set in motion by atmos.
pheric disturbances.
| In obedience TO Wild Wagnerian snort
from the orchestra, came forth into the
arena with my skates in my hand. feel
! perfectly Mt home before an audience
when have my skates IN my hand. 1t is
q morbid desire 10 wear the skates on my
feet that has always been my bette noir.
! W Aii shS o"'S wy pitNoS GlNC u UIhNS
check for that word SO that / can get it
when go aways
My first thought after getting myself
secured to the skates was this: Am / in
| the proper frame Of mind? Am doing
this in the right spirit? Am l aboTt to
skate in such way us TO lift the fog of
unbelief that envelopes a sinful world, or
shall deepen the Opaque night in which
my race is wrappedg"
Just then that end OF the rin'5 eirupted
In manner 50 forthwith and so tout en-
semDle that had to pLsh it back IN place
with my person, l never saw anything
done with less della. and less languor.
The audience went Wild with en:husi-
asm, and l responded 10 the encore by
writing my name in the air with INV
skates.
This closed the first scene. md my
trainer took me in the dressing room 10
/, attend cor sultatiou of physicians. A.
ter the rink carpenter bad jncKed up the
floor little. / went ont again. bad no
fears about nv ability to perform the
mechanical part assigned, but was still
worried over the question of whether it
weuld or would not be of lasting benefit
tn mankind.
Those who have closely scrutlnized my
frame in repose have admitted that l was
fcarfully and wonderfully made. Stu
dents Of the human frame say that they
never saw such wealt of l.lnberness and
looseness lavished upon one person.
They maintain that nature bestowed upon
me the hinges and Joints Intended for the
whole family, and therefore when skate
the air seems to be perfectly lurid with
limbs. / presume that this is true,
though have SO little leisure while skat-
ing in which To observe the method itself,
the plot or animus Of the thing, that my
opinion would pe of little value to the
scientist.
am led to believe that the roller skate
is certainly great civiliz"r and wonder
I ful leveler Of msnkind. II We so skate
that when the summons comes to seek our
ward within the general hospit J, where
each shall heal his brstcd cuticle within
the walls where rinkists sG'Iirn, we go
not like the social wreck, morally ana
( lyzed, bat like bired msu taking his
! medicine. aud so forth--we may skate
with perfect impunity, or any ono else to
whom we may be properly introduced by
! our cook