River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1885-07-16
WIT AND HUM0R.

1t is strange, yet true, that no matter
how much you batter at a knot, when
you batter il out you always leave the
knot hole
mo, said a bride, II am not willing
that our wedding tour should include the
Yellowstone park. Yellow don't agree
with my complexion. y
Statistics show that boy babies are
more apt to die than girl babies BOYS
can not stand continual hugging, as
girls can.
Digby has been working hard at Ital-
ian all winter and resolves to try little
on newlv-arrivcd emigrant; "Parlate
Italiano, signor?" Emigrant. "Arrah!
Now what are We giyin us?"
Can you change a $50 gold-piece?'
he asked, as he gently placed the empty
glass on the counter Yes. said the
bartender. "Wen, I'll go out and see
if | can find one
Hostess Now. don't stay out here
all the evening Host-"WeU Join
YOU in ten minutes Hostess Miss
Screechy is going to sing, you know
Host-"Oh, WELL say an hour.
Two BARRIERS have been lynched out
West. There was probably sufficient
provocation for the act. They had evil
IDENTIFY suggested 4 shampoo, sir?" once
too often.
Did YOU ever notice how suddenly q
timid woman who is humming n oper-
attic air will switch OIL on 10 n religious
hymn when a storm comes up and she
hears the first clap OF thunder?
Given to Failing Said the girl who
had quarreled with her lover: "Oh, it's
all right! Harry said he should try to
forget me, but he always fails in every
thing he undertakes"
There IS still one thing in favor of
the dude-he will never blow out his
brains for any woman. A charge ofshot
fired into an empty space would not hit
anything.
A Cincinnati belle, in reply to the
question whether there was much culti-
waited and refined society in her native
city. is reported rs having replied: you
ist bet your boots that we're Il cultiya-
ted crowd.
In modern Egypt 4 young man S not
permitted 10 see his wifc's face before
marriage. As a consequence not infre-
quently soon after marriage he makes
up his mind that lac never wants to SEQ
it again.
Charlie seen, to enjoy life behind
that pair of trottcrs,' quoth Smithers
to Rather, As mutual friend sped
past them at 40 gals. "Nhy should
not he?" answered T. "life is but a
span.
Sullivan has iJined a base ball club.
When we learned some time ago that ho
had entered tho prize ring, we predicted
that he would 90 from bad to worse but
we didn't suppose his downward career
would be so rapid.
Laugh and TIE world laughs with
YOU, SINGS Ella Wheeler Well, yes,
sometimes. And sometimes it laughs at
YOU That is the time wien your
share in the fun is reduced to a mimi
mum.
Pretty but very cheap chintz dresses
are now worn on the streets by ladies Of
wealth The fashion was started by
sensitive mistre~scs who wish TO avoid
being mistaken fol- Iheh servants, who
wear silk.
Some one SAYS no thoroughly occupied
man was ever miserable. That man
| evidently don't know what it is to at
tempt tile feat OF keeping twin babies
quiet while their mother goes 10
church.
The temperance movement has made
/ rapid progress since this time year
ago. 4 least we have strong grounds
for thinking so. The sea serpent has
n. been seen in the vicinity Of one of
the watering places this season.
have often noticed that gallant
young men walking with their sweet
hearts offer the left arm while devoted
/ married men with their wives offer the
right arm. Why is this? Edith; Tho
left arm is nearest the heart; the right
arm is nearest the pocket-book. "
A ''whistling buoy" has been placed
in the ocean AT Southeast Ledge That's
right. There are anumber OF whistling
boys in this town who should also be
placed in the ocean-as near the bottom
as possible.
An esteemed New Orleans cotcmpo-
rary declares that dignity kills a picnic.
| Such may be the case in the South. Up
this way heavy shower of rain lasting
an hour would kill the most undigniiied
picnic deadcr than the middle mackerel
in the barrel.
Mrs. Bricbrack devoted nearly three
weeks to decorating a large jar and
then had it spoiled in the firing. Brlc-
brack came home inebriated one night,
stumbled over the thing and fired il out
/ Of the house. He tired it too hard,
and pieces couldn't be put together.
The New Orleans Picaylac, BY way
Of showing off its acquaintance with
great men. says "there il New 1orker
named Spinola who is noted for his
soirt-collar Are shirt-collars in the
South 50 rare that q man with one Of
them is a subject of remark?
In north Brazil there are no profess
sional dressmakera, the finest ladies us
ually making their own costumes. When
man buys his wife 81 dress be doesn t
have to give her SO 70 ret it made
There are some things in north Brazil
worthy of imitation in this country.
Magistrate (who has lately taken 10
himself wiz, severely II m, / think
have seen YOU here before. and on
similar charge" Drank and disorderly
female: mo, your 'onor; selp me,
baid-'eaded old cove, not bit like ye.
A collector Of autographs once wrote
10 General Sherman for his autograph
and q lock OF his hair, and received the
following reply: Tine man who has
been writing my autographs has been
discharged, and as my orderly is bald,
cannot comply with either OF your
requests.
a city gentleman. who invested 800
900 in a farm. and retired from the
granger business without a cent at the
end Of two years, bias started an agricul-
tural journal and is now printing some
very valuable articles on Farm Econ
omv."
Mrs. En.huse. "IIow / envy you and
your garden. Mrs SMITH ANY one
would know these wore fresh tomatoes
Little JOHNNY (who bias been in the
kitcacn) And right under Fresh To-
matoe-' there the biggest picture ever
saw. Il runs around The whole can
Can't 20. il, mammal
''] ~. where have y0a been so long.
my dear 1fr- Blauk?' '.Oa, I've been
vlsitiu' III the provinces Boston. Phila-
delphia, an3 such places. Them peo-
pie in the province. don't know nothin'.
WHY. when told chi about poor, dear
Jim Elliott biz funeral, and what
nice prize fight there was the other
night in a saloon, and how the cops
rot Oam5oozled. would YOU believe il,