Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-05-24
THE lIHE-KIlN CLUB.

tnanks Tor the tolloHing Valuaote renCs,
none of which are to be found in any other
museum on earth. Beware of limitations
and keep to the right ss you enter the door:
l. Apiece of rope with which "a Ohio
lawyer was hung. 1t may not be necessary
to inform the public that the hanging took
place many years ago-vhen the State was
new and Justice sometimes went with AE.
2. A circus bill eighty-tour years old. A
look at the relic will convince the most
skeptieal that circus men have made no
improvement in their gigantic efforts to tell
the solemn truth.
2. A hat worn By the first tramp who
made the tour of Michigan. On the lining
is written: Trust 10 Providence and fear
not" The tramp had very small head,
but what be lacked in this direction he
probably made up in size of cheek and
stomach.
The Case of sandbar Davis.
The Rev. Peustock wanted 70 secure in
formation. He had been informed tdat
Brother Sandbar Davis had been expelled
from the club because he hsd neglected
paving his dues. he had invited Brother
Davis over to his house 10 eat peanuts, aud
had been invited back to drink root beer
and he hoped that worthy member would
not be hsrshly dealt with for little tnsn
cial procrastinstion.
"Brudder Penstock, l reckon l kin gin
you de informashun YOU seek, replied the
President. "Brudder Davis has p1ocra3tl-
mated on Us for TO teen months. The odder
day Earned dat he was in debt TO eber7
pusson who would trust him IN de sum OF
fifteen cents or more. l went ober an sot
wild him on his woodpile an asked him to
explain. 1t was de same complaint dat ais
so many white folks. He war payin or
irwin to pay, mo rent dan could De met o.
a man on twice his salary. His wife was
dressin' better on $l2. per week dan could De
actually afforded on SIS. She was g!olu
high teas, an low coffes an soireeS, al ne
var payin' weekly iustallments on plush
kivered furnicher. He could run in debt,
but to pay de bills was different matter.
"Brudder Sand0ar Davis got mad at what
said an rendered his resignashun. 1t was
accepted right dar' on the woodpile. twar
cheaper fur him to get mad an resign dan
10 pay up his dues.
Il has warned you time an agip to keep
outer bebt. If you can't do dat yol mus
pay up an ray as you agree. Five hun
bred maguifcently dressed ladies, whose
husbands am dodgiu' score of creditors
walk de streets ebery day. Oar an more
downright hypocrisy; deceit, perjury and
crime in de way halt our white folks ho dan
YOU can mash with q croW-bsr. Doan
make SIGH folks an example TO be follered.
Own what you own. Lib widin your means,
no matter how much your naybor flames
out. Buy what you can afford, an what
you can't afford be proud 'nuf to go w!tout
Sandbar Davis an no longer member OF
dis club. On de book opposite his name an
~ritten: Two dollars day can't dress no
mans wife in velvets-
1t Wont Wash.
The Secretary then called toe attention
Of the club to the following from San Fran
cisco:
Brother Gardner:
RESPECTED S,a-A late number Of Nature,
be great English scientific journal, an.
roupces the fac: that the white covering Of
arctic animals conduces TO their warmth.
Please get the views Of your club relative
70 the effect of whitewashing stoves and
thus cause great saving Of fuel.
PLAro V. BEEswAx.
The question being open for debate Give.
adam Jones took the negative view. He was
The owner of white mule, aud that animal
xould stand and SILVER and shake with cold
v hen mules of other color had ten pounds
of s,esn on The dial aud sighed for January
sIow banks.
Judge Glucose Parker would side with
Brother Jones. His white dog would crawl
under the stove to get warm on the Fourth
Of July, and on winter nights ire had to
be kept for his special benefit.
The Hon. S,andoH Smith also wished to
add the weight OF his experience. lie was
ne owner of a white oYercoat. II vas not
one he picked up during fire in clothing
store. but was acquired in transaction fully
as legitimate as any purchase or sale II the
Board Of Trade.
During the period Of bis snCf cotored oTer-
coat he used to go around crying for ice
right in mid.winter. out nov, even IN APRIL
weather, his teeth clinked together unit! the
bows on the street advised him 10 bite on
stick. He bad worn that white overcost to
he meeting, and though ne had been within
six feet of red hot stove for forty minutes
he could still feel chiIis prancing up and
down his spine.
Upon the question being submitted to
vote, the assertion of Nature was voted
down by lis majority.
Reinstated.
Some two wears since Loyerum Blue, a
ianitor in one of the departments at Wash.
iagton, was made an honorary member, and
for some months his wise craftsmanship aud
Gladstonian policy were Of much benefit to
the club. He all OF q sudden made an at
tempt 10 bribe Brother Gardner into favor
ny a certain invention calculated to sell the
uublic and enrich q small ring For this
ne WAS expelled from the club. Since the
change of administration there has been
= bundant evidence that the expelled has
audergone a thorough reform and the Pres
dent row announced that LOverum Blue
would he restored TO membership without
aondi,ious While his aid would De very
acceptable in assisting to shape the for
ign policy of the cl1b it is hoped tbs,
past experience has taught him fruitful
lesson.
The Guilty Party.
The Librarian reported that some member
of the club, or some outsider who had gain,
ed forcible entrance to Paradise Hall, had
removed one of the sacred bear traps. It's
loss had not been discovered until that very
day, but such investigation SIS had been en-,
tered upon pointed to Elder Berry SnaiHe,
tree as the guilty party.
The Elder was pairing a corn of the big
toe of his right foot with white handled
razor. He kept growing pale as the report
progressed, and when his name was men,
toned he dropped the razor, and would
probably have tainted away had he not been
afraid Samuel Shin would go through his vest
pocket for sixty cents.
"Brudder Susfile,ree stan up eomman'
ded the President. What do know bout
de missin sacred Bar trap
"I-Itook it home, sab.
What fur
DE ole woman ssid it would drive de
Ghosts nuf