The Indianapolis sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1880-1904, 1885-01-09
BOB %INGRRSOLL.


Washington Correspondence.
1t recently fell to the lot of your CORES
pondent to attend q stockholders' meeting of
a corporation, in which Bob Ingersoll is an
Office holder. That noted pagan presided
over the deliberations of the would-be mill
ionaires present. AS usual he was full OF
sparkling fun, which is difficult to COM
municate on paper. The charm of that man
is his OVERLOOKING good humor. People do
not value Ingersoll's opinions or wants
Of opinions. His godlessness has no
attractions for the average man, but his
Astounding lollity just shuts ont all effective
disspproyal. He is a man of big brain, big
ger stomach and biggest capacity for forcing
cheerfulness upon his hearers. His merry
blue eye always contains the beginning of
q smile that broadens out through the mus
cles around his mouth in TO a laugh and
circles all over the surface Of his great,
broad, smooth face, as the waves caused by
a summer breeze cover the waters of a wide
lake. His short, hslf-pug nose, set right in
the center of his visage, has always a
funny wrinkle that makes perpetual
speeches as to the never-failing sunshine of
the mans disposition. His fat figure shows
contentment and self-ssIlsfaction in every
one OF its round curves. His attitudes and
gestures are constant expressions of the
pent-up drolleries that are every minut
struggling into expression. whether he
stands before the public or is in the midst of
a social company.
On the occasion now referred to Ingersoll
told his associates that they had met practi-
cslly to wind up the affairs of the corpora.
ton, which had proved a money-losing con-
Germ from the beginning. he went on to
detail his own losses through his connection
with it. Holding in his hand q list of the
stockholders. and groaning in a serio-comic
way, he exclaimed: my eye rests on q
name here which is very appropriate to a
man who would go into such sn prise
as this. The name is Gosling-Hsnry A.
Gosling.
The secretary of the meeting turned to q
little delicate. featured, slenderIramed man
who sat near and said, Henry, he's calling
for YOU" Poor Mr.. Costing meekly re-
sponded. That's all right"
All" said Ingersoll, 81 didn't know Mr..
Gosling was here. Well, the G in my name
ought to stand for Gooselet. Yes, I'll go
back of the shell and say I'm Unmatched"
He then went on to set out in ludicrous
terms the way ne had been beguiled into
putting his lost thousands into this unlucky
business. There was little Heron came to
me with his head full of inventions and his
pockets full of machines. he had in one
| pocket his paper made from palm that he'd
wash and iron and fold as q Iaundry.w0man
would her clothes. In another pocket he had
a dredging machine. He wanted to take the
bottom out of the Potomac River. In another
pocket he had q little gold washing machine
for gold-mining on the Chestatee River. In
another pocket he had q miniature train of
cars, and railway, TO illustrate his patent
switch. In another pocket he had q paper
tester. His clothes were all pockets, just
pockets sewed together. They reminded me
OF the woman who wanted q cool dress, and
said she believed she'd have il made of but
ton-holes.
In discussing the methods of an agent OF
the corporation, Ingersoll turned to one OF
the stockholders and said:
Proctor, do you know why the English
farthipg was coined? I'll tell you the rea-
son given for it by an Englishmsu. He said
il was made for the convenience of the
Scotch in making their contributions 10 His
Mai sty's charities"
Someone suggested that the present hard
times, which had operated to the damage of
the company, might be m~itigated by a wise
course of action by Congress.
Pooh" said Ingersoll, Congress is no
more good TO the business of the country
than q pocket is in q shroud. We are largely
dependent ia this country for our prosperity
upon the misfortunes of the rest of the
world. II Russia and India have
q poor crop, we can sell enough wheat to
make Us all rich. The trouble is our cities
are too big. Too many people are living by
their wits instead of producing. My plan is
to increase the number of that class that
both consumes and produces, and diminish
the non-producing class which gathers in the
cities. l do not expect, however, to see q
speedy end TO business depression. With
corn in Kansas at eight and ten cents q
bushel and wheat lower than at any other
time in twenty years we need look for no
good times in the near future. W. L. c."