Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-11-02

''Paint me as am" MARBLES poetess.
She certainly is not read.
1t will soon be time to brush up the
old headline, ''drowned while skating"
''Many overskirts are slashed only on
one side," says a fashion writer. Evi-
IDENTIFY mispriut for splashed.
True, the leopard cannot change it's
spots, but the defaulting bank cashier
can-pretty lively, too, sometimes.
A minister, having some of his old SER
mons, was asked what he had in his pack
age. ''Dried tongue, was the reply.
Besides other labors, the women of
Fiji have to do all the fishing. In this
country they only have to clean the fish.
Samuel Miracle, an Ohio man, is the
father Of seventeen boys. Here is con-
elusive refutation of the saying that the
day of miracles is over.
A Massachusetts girl was nearly scar
ed to death the other day by the rattling
of a box of pills she had in her pocket.
She thought a doctor was after her.
Washing gton landlords are counting the
days before congress meets. Already
the hash machine begins to stir in its
sleep.
A Pennsylvania man committed suicide
rather than take some physic ordered by
the doctor. 1t is supposed that he was
in hurry and couldn't wait.
Sam Jones says that waltzing is moth
ing more or less than "hugging set to
music" Samuel is so nearly right that
it must be he has tried it himself some
time.
Philadelphia is pleased to learn that
she has thirteen more pie factories than
Chicago, while her death rate is not quite
so large. If the pies won't do it, why
doesn't she use Gatling gun.
Boston girl "Gawge, see the papers
say that smallpox was brought to Bos-
Long vacuum of silence. "Gawge,
have you been exposed to small-pox?''
''Naw. Why?" "Oh, nothing; only l
thought I'd tell you I've been vaccinated. ,
A bright little girl who lives in Hyde
Park asked for second saucer of ice
cream the other evening. 81 don't think
it's good for you; ask your father" said
| her mother. The girl went into the IL
brary and put the question. sNot much, y
said her father emphatically. ''Papa says
can have a little," she replied to her
mother with truthful and innocent eyes.
The president has habit of doing as
the darkey did, when the minister de-
| scribed the two roads, one as "de one
dat leads to def, an de odder takes de
| trabbeler to endles' woe." ''In dat case, u
| cried the bewildered colored brother,
''dis darkey will take to de woods" The
president may find man in 'sde woods
whom he will consider capable to collect
the duties in Boston.
''You have missed great opportunities,
| Colonel" said a man at funeral of a
friend. ''Now, here is our friend P, died
and left S4,0O0,OOO. You and he began
life together. You havn't saved your
money and he did, eyes" assented
the Colonel, ''and there he is in his coffin,
going on ong journey without cent
in his pocket, while I'm alive and got a
| $40 dollar note in mine" The first speak
er lost interest in the conversation.
| A tall woman with IL red face and con-
tident manner walked into an uptown
bank few days ago and presented a
check. "No good, madam," said the
teller briefly, 1.-THE check is not endorsed. y
| "Never mind that said the applicant
for cash, "it's all right; he's my hus-
band" ''It makes no difference We
must have his own signature, even if he
is your husband" "Well, you give me IA
pen and III sign his name, | lust want
you to know, young man, that he's Il
mighty silent partner to our combination
| and I'm the boss -