Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1885-05-06
PIE4S4VTRIES.

Daily Paper. We protest against this
minute chronicling of the daily actions
of prominent men.-Harvard Lam
pOOn.
rrrLEgirl (only child -"P mso glad,
Mamma, l don't live all the time at
grandma's" Mamma Why, my
dear?" Little girl-"Well, it must be
so dull there without me. "-Pr0gress
1T is reported that President Taylor
of the Mormon Church has skipped
out" and cannot be found. AS he has
25 wives it is supposed that he stayed
until after midnight at the lodge and
was afraid to 90 Observation-Disclosures
Call
BmL-''How do you spell opshinul,
Sam?" (Sam hesitates.) "Come, [
thought you had a college education.
Sam-sDid; but it was opshinul wheth-
er [ took in Greek and Latin, or balls
and bats. YOU know. Look IN the di-
rectory "-Harpers Weekly.
AN Irishman, lately landed, was
taken to see the cathedral. AS he en-
tered the magnificent building, bewil-
dered by its beauty, he turned to his
companion and said, "Phwy, Moike,
it bates the divil." THAT'S the in
tention, Pat. albany Times.
A YOUNG Crichton.-Young lady:
And how is Johnny getting on at the
new school, Mrs. Scatterpole? Mrs.
Scatterpole: Oh, beautifully, my
dear! He's learning six languages
French, German, Latin, Greek, Alge-
bra, and Euclid Fun.
He Didn't Catch On: do you like
Shakespeare" murmured Katrina
fresh from the seminary, as she threw
a soft, languishing glance of her blue
eyes into Hans Schweitzer ruddy face.
''Yaw, fraulein, like Shakes peer, or
any oder beer, better don never vos."
st Paul Herald.
THE elephant can go. A very good
ivory is now made from bones and
scraps of sheep-skin. The next I'M
provement will be the playing of the
game OF billiards by machinery. When
this is done young men can stay at
home and improve their miuds.-New
Orleans Picayune.
QUoD (Herat DemonstrandumI
Herat is held to be the "Key OF In
dia," key which the foe at its
gate must not be allowed to hold.
Perhaps the best key for India is the
'Squi vive!" At any rate, that partic-
ular gate cannot be kept secure by
ttolting. Punch
THEODORE WoKEs, the artist, relates
an incident which he heard in Ger
man post-office. A countryman was
inquiring for letter which he affirmed
should have reached the post-otfice a
week before. 'Pos' estant ?" post
restante) snapped the postal clerk.
'sNein," replied the applicant meekly,
"Catholische "-Ingleside.
'MY wife, said Jones, "is an excel
lent performer on the iewsharp."
why" said Smith, sit is singular
instrument for woman to play on"
beats all the Instruments, though,
that women generally play on"
"How's that?" "Why, she can't talk
or sing while she is playing. boston
Courier.
ITALIA's wandering genius of crank,
the booming business OF Esculpians,
the school-boy taking furlough from
his books to interview thespiral angle
worm, the homely hen that huns her
humble hymn of Easter emblems, and
the housewives howl as with the moth
she holds her annual joust-these be
some symptoms that assert to me the
years conjunction with the wanton
spring.-YOnkerS Gazette.
SMITH keeps a savage dog on his
premises. and near it's kennel board
is displayed with the warning in large
letters, Beware of the dog" II sup
pose," said Jones, pointing to the
warning, 'you have painted that sign
in large letters SO that he who runs
may read" No" said Smith, "but
he who reads may run. '-Boston
Courier.
II THINK it's absurd that young
ladies should kiss their poodles," said
Murray Hill man to his friend.
''There's no reason for it." 90, yes,
there is; and there's also a precedent
for theproceeding." ''Please explain. :"
1'The reason is that most of the girls
have nothing better to kiss; the pre-
cedent was established by Mark An
tony when he said, Havoc, let's lip
the dogs of war New York Journal
AMONG the curiosities that Paul
Boyton has on exhibition is a talking
parrot, which can give any order that
Is issued on shipboard. The other
evening when the wind was blowing a
pretty stiff breeze, Jim (thep arrot) be-
gan to muster all hands on deck to
take in the light canvas and reef top
sails, using a great many nautical
phrases that are not given in any en-
cyclopedia, much to the amusement
Of the guests present-New York Iefe-
gram.
THE Smithville (Ga.) Enterprise
thinks: "The course of true love does
not always run smooth in Lee County. :"
1t prints the following correspondence:
"Miss -: Can have the exquisite
beatitude in escorting your corporal
system over the space intervening be-
tween your parental domicile and the
edifice erected for the worship of the
Supreme Being after the diurnal lumin-
airy has receded behind the Western
horizon?" Thanks, am going with
my aunt"
A SPORTING paper contains an arti-
Gle entitled: "How to Prevent Acct