davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

The New York Sun quotes the pro-
prietor ola fashionable swimming bath
in that city saying: "The women are
the most delightful Of bathers. The
majority Of the ladies use their saeside
costumes, but quite number of ex.
pert swimmers wear the single gar
ment-that is, without skirt or tunic,
you know, and with the arms and
neck bare. No men are admitted
here during ladies' hours even the
swimming instructors are women, and
SO the ladies are perfectly safe from
observation. ] am here occasionally,
but then | don't count, you know. 1t
would surprise you to see some of our
more expert swimmers. We have a
dozen young women who take headers
from that platform up there, and we
have only one man who attempts
it. 4 ten-foot dive is not to be sneez-
cd at, you know. Well, the ladies
spring from it, head first, with the
fearlessness and grace Of birds. 1t is
usually the case with women that
when they make up their minds to dc
a thing they do il for all they are
worth. One Of my patrons is as pretty
in the water as she is in a drawing
room. She is great society woman
and her name appears constantly in
the papers. Her face is as delicate as
a cameo, and She has a soft little voice
like a nun. The FIRST time she came
here ! supposed she'd be timid, and
expected to send III attendant in Will
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
NO. ST..

"A rising young lawyer"
what is II medical studcnt?"
"a promising young doctor"
"What is II young member of the
legisature?"
"A silyery tongued orator"
"lf a man should marry an ugly
woman, how would you write up the
AFFAIR.""
II should speak of the beautiful and
accomplished bride"
"How would you speak of q loafer?"
Il should refer to him as our enter
prising fellow townsmau."
what is drummer?'
"The handsome and popular So and
So"
'ln writing up the commencement
exercises of the female college what
would YOU say?"
II would say that the beautiful
young girls, soon to become ornaments
of society, were charming in their
feathery array"
"lf Il countryman were to bring you
a lot of hard apples what would you
say?"
"Our farmer friend, Colonel So and
SO, honered us with call yesterday
Aside from giving us the pleasure of
his own genial SELF he laid upon our
table collection of the most choice
apples we have even seen. Come
again, colonel. when you have longer
to stay"
Correct. How would you speak of
a little girl?"
would call her a fairy
"What would you say OF boy"
would speak of his bright, intelIi-
gent face"
"What would you say of the man
who keeps few bolts of calico?"
81 would speak Of him as one of the
most successful merchants in the
state"
Yes, this school OF journalism is a
success. 1t defines the true position
OF the local newspaper. 1t makes the
business so clear that the student,
though fool, need not err therein.
1t attempts no revolution; makes no
mistakes.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

her. While l was thinking OF it she
came pattering down the walk, ran
out, gave a big jump on the end of
the spring-board and took a dive that
| never saw beaten in my life. Then
she come up, went hand-ovcr-hand to
the rail, and ran up the steps to that
platform up there Over she went
like a swallow. She comes here regu
larly, and she is the queen, There
are crack tennis, croquet and badmin-
ton players expert sailors, runners and
dancers, and those who can drive any
thing in horsehesh from mule to a
four-in-hand among the ladies of New
York, but when you come to swim
ming | have the champion. She's as
reckless as dock rat in the water and
as proper as Quaker on the land"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
Tracking the Thief.

Semedo, in his History of China"
relates very curious anecdotc Of pen
etration and quickness of mind which
occurred in that country:
: A certain chagueu, or governor of a
province, was taken very i'll, and re-
fused to admit any visiters into his
house. This being told to n mandarin
OF his acquaintance, he was very much
concerned, and after many importuni-
ties obtained an interview with him.
On his entrance he was surprised to
find no signs of sickness in his friend,
and asked what was the matter with
him? The governor at length told
him that he had lost the emperor =
seal out of the cabinet where it used
to be kept, and that the lock remained
uninjured he was sensible that the
seal was stolen; of course he could
transact no businss, and must soon be
deprived of his government, and prob
ably also of his life. The mandarin
perceiving the extraordinary nature
of the case asked him If he had any
enemy in the city. The other an
swered, ayes; and that he was an Of
iicer OF high rank who had long owed
me grudge" "Away, then," re-
piled the mandarin; "let your most
valuable goods be secretly removed
this evening; then set fire to the emp
ty parf, and call ont for help, to which
this officer must of necessity repair
with the rest, it being one of the prin'
cipal duties of his place. As soon a,
you see him among the people, deliver
him, in the public presence, the cabi
net shut as it is, that it may be secured
in his possession, and if he has caused
the seal to be stolen he will put it il
its place again when he restores tht
cabinet and if he is not the thief, YET
the fault will lie upon him for taking
so little care of it, and you will not
only be free from the danger, but alsC
be revenged on your enemy" The
governor followed his advice, and the
next day received back his cabine
with the seal in it, both parties keep
ing the secret for their mutual safety.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
IsIg Damages.

ERIE, May 22-The great trial Of
Louis Rooenweig vs.. the Lake Shore
Railroad, which las been pending
more than two years, closed to-day.
Rosenzweig obtained verdict OF $47,-
$50 damages for being put off a train
at Cleveland. The train was limited
express and the conductor refused to
accept regular ticket or money from
Rosenzwcig, who was passenger from
Cleveland to Erie. Mr.. Resenzweig
fell into pile of stone when he was
put off the train and paralysis was
the result. He sued foi 100000.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
A sad En 2'IisllIla IN n.

Judge Robert Grinrod is we'll
known citizen Of Little Rock. He is
an Englishman and so well under
stands the Yorkshire use OF the letter
n that he never fails to wrongly en-
ploy it. The other day, when the
Judge came up town, his face wore an
expression of such sadness that
friend, meeting him, asked:
"What's the matterw
"Oh, blast the bloody luck"
anybody sick?"
eyes. Iii ham sick, sick as han
'orse."
"Billious?"
"Naw, worse than that, man Hill
tell you. The other day ! bought
very fine rooster, intending to ave is
bloody 'ide for Sunday dinner. Hi'ad
promised my wife that | wouldn't
drink hany more beer, you know, but
Saturday hafternoon | wen tome pret-
ty full. She didn't suspect me and |
felt 'appy hover the bloody rum affair.
Halter awhile she said that HID bet
ter kill the blarsted chicken. Well,
went to the coop, got i'm hout, took
hup the 'atchet and wen tout to
stump in the yard. | got is bloody,
cad on the stump, gave i'm a w'ack
and threw i'm on the ground. Just
then my wife came to the door and |
said, mother, Hive killed i'm Just
then / looked around and saw the
bloody 'ide Of i'm flying hover the
fence. ! 'ad cut off the bIarsted
things tail. Hold woman,' said Hi,
Him pretty full and don'n you for.
get tit That's what's the matter
with me. Hi ate for a hlarsted fow
to make fool Of me in the presence
OF my wife, and hespecially when Iii
wanted to play sober"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
Running Street Car. bx Air.

The attention of the people here at
home is just now turned to the cable
street-car railroad that will soon be in
operation on Gilbert avenue, and while
the advance step in this way is un-
doubtedly great, yet even now expert
ments are being made in New York
with II motive power entirely new
that is, as regards the manner of its
application. 1t is a method OF driving
street cars by compressed air. A car
constructed for hepurpose issupplied
with chambers for the reception and
retainment, subject to use as desired
of compressed air. On the front
platform is placed small motor and
is so simply constructed as to be
susceptible OF easy operation. A suf'
ticient amount of air can be stored to
run the car ten miles. The car can
be run at the rate OF twenty-five miles
an hour and can be brought almost
instantly. to standstilI by the use OF
n powerful brake. 1t is to be placed
in service on the Steinway and Hun
ter's Point Railroad, New York Gin,
cinnati Eaqnirer.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
Origin Of Familiar Proverbs.

"Truth is stranger than felton, was
invented by al editor as headline to
a twenty-five lie so monstrously ex-
travagant that he knew no one would
believe ten words of it. The original
use of this proyerb is continued unto
this day. Whenever you see that lire
in a newspaper don't believe word
you read under it.
an make spoon or spoil horn,"
was the though of man who never
made q spoon in all his life, and who
knew perfectly we'll that he coulden't
make one, and only took mean
mans malicious delight in spelling a
horn. p. S.-For man who likes to
take his horn straight the introduc-
ton of u spoon always spoils it.
"A wink is as good as nod to a
blind horse" was said by a man with
stiff neck who tried to nod but couldn't
Although why any sane man should
wish either to wink or,nod at a blind
horse no man can tell.
"A little more sleep and little
more slumber," commonly attributed
to the sluggard, VAS stolen by him
from the night watchman who invent
ed it in his dreams.
EAST bind, fast find" was remarked
by police justice when he bound the
tough over to keep the peace and fined
him 1855.
Calls well that ends SWELL" wa,
said by murderer who killed IL dude
The name Of the murderer is suppress
cd lest he should be overrun Will
more orders than he could gil and thu
be compelled to hire clerk, who
would eventually run off with all tn,
money.
"All's fare in love and war;" was the
inspired throught of railroad con
ductor.
"One swallow does not make a sum
mer," was the brilliant remark Of /
man who was trying to see how man!
swallows do make > summer. Noti
Bene-If the thermometer got half S,
high as the experimenter did, the dol
days came right along on the heels o
Christmas that year. The record 0
the swallows, however, was lost in thu
dim mists of Oblivion, the great Irisl
swallower.
dead men tell no tales" was tn
joyous exclamation Of the first edito
who slew a man who came III with
continued story Of 65 chapters. |
Was the same editor WHO, upon receiN
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
A SuIperfIssOIIs BOY.

William Trotter has been paying
his addresses to Miss Rosa Hedstcer,
of WAGE. His visits have not been
very frequent of late, and last night
Tommy, Miss Rosas younger broth
er, said:
"You ought to come and see Ills
every evening, Mr.. Trotter."
"Why, Tommy"
Because it makes sister Rosa SC
happy to have yon go away. You
ought never to miss an evening"
They missed Trotter for the rest o.
that evening.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
An Old Acquaintance. a

The other day, Attomcy-General
Garland was stopped on the street by
an old negro who, after bowling polite.
ly, said;
81 reckons yer is KEEP putty busy
now, sah."
eyes, very busy"
"Yer doaH' pear ter rcco'nize me-
81 remember your face but | cannot
recall your name
"Dat's whut Thought, sab. Use Ely
Buck, an uster be er jestice O. dc
peace an vessel uster practice aforc
me down in Arkansaw. Doan' reccol
leck de time dat yer Tended de culuC
gennerman whut stold de hog frum Dc
white pusson, does yer? Wall, | see;
dat yer's in Il hurry, Good mawnin,
Use stoppin heah in de city an woult
like fur yer ter cali roun, an see me.
-ArkdnScm Traveller.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

One of the schools OF journalism has
become great success. During q
number of years many attempts to
teach the art Of journalism were made,
but the results were so far from being
satisfactory that with one exception
they have all been failures. The one
college, realizing the impracticahility
of the curriculum previously adopted,
threw it aside, employed man who
had, during many years, been engag-
ed in active newspaper work, and in
troduced a course Of study the achieve
ments Of which have proved that jour
nalism can be taught in colleges. The
following is areport Of the exercises
through which n graduating class was
conducted
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
COuldn't Defend Him.

Gentlemen" said the Judge, adj
dressing a number Of lawyers who
had assembled in the courtroom to
hear the docket read and to say 'no
motions, your honor" "Mr Calvin
Griggs has been indicted for assault
with intent to kill He says that he
is unable to employ council and |
shall therefore have to appoint one Of
you to defend him. Mr. Blunkens, |
will appoint Yell"
"Judge, would much rather some
one else be appointed"
"Why, are YOU busy?"
"No. sir"
"What, theu, is your excuse?'
al cannot eonscientiously defend
him"
"Why, sir?"
shortly after | got divorce from
my wife lie married her"
4That should not concern YOU"
alt does, judge. 1t made me mad to
see that anyone else was as big fool
as had been. ] don't mind working
for thief, but | cannot work for a
fool. No, | cannot defend him."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
The village Post-omco.

The Democratic leaders throughout
the country are more excited now
about the small post-ofiices than any
thing else. They find the masses of
the party more interested in this
class OF public patronage, A Demo
cratic ex-member of Congress, who is
still very prominent and influential
in the councils of his party, said to a
reporter:
"There is no use in attempting to
disguise the fact that there is feeling
OF dissatisfaction among the Demo-
Gratis, not the office-seekers, but the
business men and farmers, because of
the apparent delay in replacing Re-
publican Postmasters with Demo
Gratis Now, you take the little vii
lagos, and ordinarily a Republican
merchant has the Post-otiice perhaps
his chief rival in business is an active
Democrat, who has given his time and
money to his party in the past. Well
when the Democratic Administration
came in that Democratic merchant
asked for the post-oiiice, and he ex-
pectcd to get it right away. He sees
his Republican competitor hold on to
the Office and continue to draw trade
through it, may be after his commits
sion has expired. The natural effect
is that the Democrat is dissatisfied
and he makes his friends and follow
ers dissatisfied. Many of those men
do not understand, or do not stop to
reflect, that thousands and tens OF
thousands of other post-ofiices have
to be looked after, and that it takes
time to get through the lift lam sat
isted that the Administration is do
ing its best for the country and the
party, but my opinion is that they will
not be ready to make changes gener-
ally until the 1st of July"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
The Hope of the Republicans.

The quarrels or the mistakes of
their adyersaries must be the main
hope OF the Republicans. They are
not likely to have any other pro-
gramme than Democratic dissensions
and no device of their own will avail
them il the Democracy keeps solidly
together and carries out the admins
trative reform which is its pressing
duty and the immediate need OF the
country. The Republicans have
learned from defeat the necessity of
making concessions for the purpose OF
maintaining substantial unity. viii
the Democracy, which has owned so
many defeats to its own folly, be wise
enough not to abuse its triumph? =?
Will the administration remember
that it can go without disaster no
further than the rest of the party is
willing to go? Tho country is fairly
well pleased with the administration
at present and the Republicans are al
Il loss in what way best to assail it,
they are waiting for the administra-
ton to furnish them with Weapons
", Y. Sun.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
Expenses in New YOrl6's Custom
House,

WASHINGTON, May 22.-Secretary
Manning says that the records of the
New York Custom House on file at
the Treasury Department show a
gradual but decided reduction in the
expense OF conducting the business of
that Office. The payroll for the month
.of October, 1884, amounted to 1886,
600. The payroll for the month OF
April, 1885. amounted to $244 800.
The payroll for the month Of May
1885, just received at the department
amounts to $4,000, or $4,000 less
than for the month Of April and 500.
600 less than for the month OF last
October.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30
Newspaper Etiquette.

1t frequently happens that visitors
to newspaper offices do and say things
which are improper and rude, and
annoying. The visitor does notmean
to be rude, and has really not the
slightest idea that he is making him
self disagreeable, for the reason that
he is not accustomed to newspaper
etiquette. For this reason, we wish to
throw out few hints that will enable
the visitor to avoid unintcnticnally
giving ohense.
When You enter the printing Office
do nes handle the type in the cases,
Ifyou wish toexamine the type say so to
the printer, and he will be glad to stop
his work and empty the case out on
the editors table, where you can sit
in his chair and examine the type at
your leisure. Never mind putting
back the type, the printer can do that
when you get through.
Don't read the proof-sheets, clippings
or manuscript. If you want to know
what is going to appear in the next
paper, ask the editor to read out aloud
to YOU He has plenty of time, and
will be grateful to you for the chance
to quit his work and entertain you
If you want to look over the casl
book, make the editor go and get il
for you.
Never ask for a sample copy, bu
take half a dozen.
Never spit tobacco juice on the floor
always spit on the exchanges or or
the walls, otherwise the editor will
think yon are not accustomed to 4
newspaper Office. Make the edit0
feel that his presence does not ammo,
you.
Never ask for any old exchanges.
Just help yourself to the unopened
ones, for they always contain mucl
later news than those that have beel
opened.
Ask the editor, If you are a perfec
stranger to him, to supply you with I
duplicate to his postoffice box, so yol
can get his papers regularly. Ii he i
a gentleman he will furnish you will
II duplicate key without asking, bu
some editors are not gentlemen.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

There Is land of tears and bitter wailing-
land most like that drear one Dante knew,
Where wan faced NiobcS, with dark rsbes trail
ing,
In sad procession move, brow bound with rue
1t is Il land peoplcd by wtless mortals,
Compared with them the Virgins five were
And ii is writ above its gloomy portals;
I'VE did not think it paid to advertise"
There is aland that flows with milk and honey
Not the condensed nor yet the surghum
strains
Each dweller bears a gripsack fat with money
Bonds, coupons, stocks and various other
grains.
Happy are these as at high tide the fishes;
Nor tear doth drown the laughter in their eyes;
For better luck they have no sort Of wishes:
The pastrys theirs-they learned to advertise.
COTS Hand Book.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30


The June issue of THE ECLECTIC be-
gins with an interesting paper COM
batting the Speneerian theories, enti-
tied "The State rersus The Man." py
NJ. De Lavelcye, which is worthily fol-
lowed by a very important article on
the burning question OF "The Russian
Advance in Asia" written by great
Anglo Indian authority, Sir Henry
Rawlinson, X. G. B. st. George Miv-
ART concludes his discussion Of "Or
ganic Natures Riddle "Big Ami
mails is the title OF an amusing and
instructive paper in popular science.
Andrew Lang is represented by an
interesting 8 Judy of Comparative
Ghost Myths, and Matthew Arnold
comes to the front again with "A
Comment on Christmas" OF II e T.
specially notable papers are "Social
Science on the Stage" by c. Suther-
! II d Edwards. "T h G G M q II
Abroad" by G. Il. Dawkins. George
Sand" another account of a remark
able woman, and "Jules Ferry and his
Friends" The literary notices, for
eign literary notes, and miscellany are
unusually full, and the shorter papers
are OF an entertaining character. The
general make up of the number ap-
pcals to wide variety Of tastes.
Published by f. r. Pelton, 25 Bond
Street, New York, Terms, S. per
year; single numbers, IS cents; trial
SUBSCRIPTION for 3 months, 81. ECLEc.
TIC and any 81 Magazine, rs.
1t appears that the oppressed Mr..
Roach must make the Dolphin good
at his own expense. Heretofore, when
a naval vessel has been built by pol.
itician in good standing, it has been
customary to bring her up to the proper
standard at the public expense or not
to bring her up to that standard at all
The change is especially disgusting to
those contractors who have been in
the habit of putting in a bid for less
than vessel could be well built for
trusting to the libcrality Of the Navy
Department for extras. This reliance
is a broken reed now that the unsym,
pathetic Mr.. Whitney is Secretary.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

Two rival country editors, while at
a political meeting, were importuning
an old farmer 70 take their papers.
Gentleman, ! don't want both,
said he,
@Weil take mine" replied one Of the
editors mime has twice as mich
original matter as his
That 50? Well b'leve III take
his. ] always want the best
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

ing " demand for ten cents from a
poet for an epic poem upon which he
had labored twelve years, said, Write
makes smite." And again he smote
him so that he died
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1885-05-30

Teacher-"Whst method did Hor,
ace adopt to make Rome how'll"
student-eHe ran II wooden sorg,
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-04-22

Ferdinand Wardwas missed from his
cell in Ludlow-stre Jail on Thursday, and
his absence caused the officials to fear that
he had made his escape. At last he was
found in the kitchen, conversing with
the cook as TO the best way of cooling
fish.
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-04-22

become one of his characteristics, cant
you git some of the boys and induce
them to dig the grave as matter of ac-
commodation? I did intend to be bur-
led under tho pear tree, but land is SO
valuable I can't afford it, You don't
seem to be very sick, said l. Perhaps
you may recover oh, no, I'm gone,
he replied. I took poison just before
sending for you. I decided that l could
not afford to live. After fellow dies,
you know, and gets settled down, the
expense ceases. That confounded drug
gist cheated me. | had to pay five cents
for the poison. He should have given
ME two doses for that sum.
He was so stingy that he died without
a struggle. Taking it all into considera-
ton, John was the closest man I ever
saw
The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1885-04-22
A Stingy Man.

~ don't mind man being economi-
cal" said Colonel Bonely, ''but l do de-
spise to see stinginess. You all know
John Nutwing that used to sell
soda water and grumble when a custom
er insisted on taking it with syrup. Well
he was the stingyest man l ever saw.
Why, sir, he was so stingy that he used
to let his meat spoil. Said that he could
lot afford to eat it, it was so valuable.
One day a cart came along with barrel
of water. Just as it passed Johns gate
the thing broke down. Well, sir, John
went our, caught half the water and
poured it in his well. Said that he
couldn't afford TO see anything wasted.
Oh, yes, he was close. | was with him
when he died. He was perfectly willing
though ne dreaded the expense of having
a grave dug. Colonel, said he address
sing me in that anxious way that had