Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1885-12-20
cHsIsropHEs COLUMBUS.
Rin Eue. q Ms.g Eort lisreary.

Blu Re, On Nsp York Mercury
Probably few people have been more
successful in the discovering line than
Christopher Columbus, Living as he did
in dsy when a great many things were
still in an undiscovered state, the horizon
was filed with golden opportunities Tor
man possessed of Mr.. C.'s pluck and am
bition. His life at first was filled with re-
bluffs and dissppointments, but as last ne
grew to be q man of importance IN his OWE
profession, and people who wanted any
thing discovered would always bring 1t to
him rather than take it elsewhere.
And yet the life Of Columbus was q
stormy one. Though he discovered q con-
tinent wherein millionaire attracts no at
tention, he himself was very poor. Though
he rescued from from bsrbarism broad
and beautiful land in whose metropolis the
theft of less than half q million OF dollars
is regarded as petty larceny, Chris himself
often went to bed hungry. Is il not sin
gular that the grsy.eyed and gentle Column
bus should have added hemisphere, to
the history of our globe hemisphere, too
where pie is o common thing, not only on
Sunday, but drought the week, and yet
that he should have gone down to bis
grave pielessl 4,
Such is the history of progress in al
ages and in all lines Of thought and inves
,igstion. Such is the mesgre reward oil
the pioneer in new fields of action. pre-
sumo that America to-day has larger pie
era than any other land in which the Cock
ney English language is spoken. Right
here where millions of native born Ameri
cans dwell, many of whom are ashamed Of
the fact that they we're born here and
which shame is entirely mutual between
the goddess of Liberty and themselves, we
have style ofpie that no other land car
boast of. :.
From the bleak and acid dried apple pie
of Name to the irrigated mince pie of the
blue Pacific, all along down the lire o.
igneous, volcanic and strati6ed pie, Amer
ca, the land of the freedom bird with the
hieh instep to his nose, leads the world.
Other lands may point with undissem
bled pride to their polygmsmy and thell
cholera, but we reck not. Our polygsmy
here is still in its infancy and our leprosy
has had the disadvantage OF q cold, back
ward spring, but look at our pie.
Throughout q long and disastrous war
sometimes referred to as frstricidal war
during which this fair land was drenchet
in blood, and also during which aforesaid
war numerous frightful blunders were made
which are fast coming to the surface
through the courtesy Of participants in saic
war who have patiently waited for those
who blundered to die off, and now admi
that said participants who are dead die
blunder exceedingly throughout all THU
long and deadly struggle for the suprem
acy of liberty and right-ss | was sbou
to say when my mind began to wobble, thu
American pie has shone for respondent il
the full glare OF MONDAY sun or beneath
the pale green of electric light, and sh'
stands forth proudly to-day with her INDY
ing loyalty to dyspepsia untrsmmled anc
her deep and deadly gastric antipathy still
Gercely burning in her breast.
That is the proud history oil American
pie. Powers, principslities, Kingdoms anc
handmade dynssties may crumple, but tn
republican form Of pie does not crumble
Tyranny may totter on its throne, but TIT
American pie does not tottsr. Not o tot
No foreign threat has ever been able Il
make our common chicken pie quail. l d.
not say this because 1t is smart; / simpl!
say it TO ell up.
But would it not do Columbus good Il
come among US to day aud look over ou
free institutions2 Would it not please hin
te ride over this continent which has beer
rescued by his presence of mind from TIT
thraldrom of barbarian and forked over u
the genial and refining influences OF pro
hibition and pieH
America fills no mean niche in the grea
history Of nations, and if you listen care
fully for few moments you will hear SOM
American, with his mouth fall of pie max
that remark. The American is Away
frank and perfectly free to state that NJ
other country can approach this one. w
allow no little two for-a-quarter monarch,
to excel US in the size OF our failures or il
the calm and self poisea elaboration will
which we erect monument to the glory o
worthy citizen who is dead, and therefor
politically useless.
The careful student Of the career Of Col
umbus will End much in these lines That b
has not yet seen. He will realize when b.
comes TO research necessary before such al
article on the life and work OF Columbu
could be written, and he will thank me TO
it; but it is not for that that have dom
it. 1t is pleasure for me to hunt up ant
arrange historical and biographical dat
in pleasing form for the students ant
savant. am only too glad to please ant
crafty the student and the savant. Iva
that way myself once and l know how t
sYmpsthize them. Bill NYE.
P. ST. neglected to state that Colum
bus was married man. SILL he did no
murmur or repine. B. \.