davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
presents.

Here, near Pittsfeld, is the birthplace
of the only original wormless dried
apple pie with which we generally in
suit our gastric economy when we lunch
along the railroad These pies, when
properly kiln-dried and riveted, with
german silver monogram on top, if
fitted out with Yale time lock, make
the best fire and burglar-proof wormless
pies of commerce. They take the place
of civil war, and as promoter of intes-
tine strife they have no equal.
The farms in Maine are fenced in
with stone walls. do not know why
this is done. for did not see anything
on these farms that any one would
naturally yearn to carry away with him.
saw some sheep in one of these in
closures Their steel-pointed bills were
lying on the wall near them, and they
were resting their jaws in the crisp
frosty morning air. In another in
closure farmer was planting clover
seed with a hypodermic syringe, and
covering it with a mustard plaster. He
said that last year his clover was a
complete failure because his mustard
plasters were no good. He had tried to
save money by using secondhand
mustard plasters, and of course the
clover seed, missing the warm stimulus,
neglected to rally, and the crop was q
failure.
Here may be noticed the back
moose and a strong antipathy to good
rum. l do not wonder that the people
of Maine are hostile to rum-if they
judge all rum by Maine rum. The
moose is one of the most gamey of the
finny tribe. He is caught in the fall OF
the year with a double barrel shotgun
and pair of snow-shoes. He does not
bite unless irritated, but little boys
should not 60 near the female moose
while she is on her nest. The mascu.
line moose wears hare lip and hat
rack on his head, to which is attached
a placard, on which is printed:
~PLEAsE KEEP OFF THE GRASS.
F'''-.-'..
This shows that the moose is hu!
morist.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

An old soldier says sudden sense
OF danger will put an end to all sea-
sickness.-M.K Y. Sun.
"A New York lady had her dress
maker arrested for false pretenses be-
cause her wedding dress did not fit.
"A tough steak is something like an
incorrigible boy. Both may be i'm
proved by pounding.-Lo,0en Citizen
IAN Indiana young woman has in
vented q piano-stool that rests the
back" Her next-door neighbor will
now be sure to move into another block.
Chicago Tribune.
I'm de us'ness o. life er man mus
elder go up ur come down. Oar amt
no stand still. De sun doan stay at
twelve er clock more den er mint
ArbanSaaO Traveller.
When a man nearly breaks his
neck getting out of the way of a light
ming bug, supposing it to be the head
light of locomotive, it is time for him
to sign the pledge. .-Norristo0n Herald.
Hello. Dick; been to the lecturer"
inquired friend as they met about
eleven o'clock in the street, outside of
public hall. 'No, but I'm going to
one now," replied Dick, as he made for
home.-N. Y Post.
"A family physician recommends
those who expect to suffer from hay fe-
yer this summer to be careful in main
tanning health status, to live by rule,
and avoid causes of excitement. Change
of place is the most efficient remedy of
the attack that has fully begun. ChicG.
go Times.
-Goaded by jealousy, husband out
in Ohio shot professor of roller skating
in the head. The physicians left the
bullet where it was imbedded, plugged
the hole up with cork, and the pro-
fessor now skates as we'll and knows as
much as ever he did. Philadelphia
Press.
Poetry, waxed mustache, mystery,
long hair and a sweet tenor voice will
often make a woman feel as if there
was only sheet of tissue paper between
Heaven and herself, but it is the man
with the wart on his nose and six figures
in the bank balance who scoops her in
and makes her happy ever afterwards.
N. 7. Journal.
Bound to be foolish
Women have many faults
Men have only two:
There Is nothing right they say,
And nothing right they do.
But If naughty men do nothing right,
And never say what's true,
What precious fools we women are
To love them as we do.
A bashful young man who was
afraid to propose to his sweetheart
induced her to fire at him with pistol,
which he assured her was only loaded
with powder, and after she had done so
fell down and pretended to be dead.
She threw herself wildly upon the body,
called him her darling and her beloved,
whereupon he got up and married her
Boston Post.
20, l like travelling" said the fat
passenger, as he snuggled his big body
into one seat and his big feet beside his
grip in another. II like travelling, ex-
cept that the noise rings in my ears
rather unpleasantly." Rings in your
ears, eh?" spoke up the farmer man
who was standing in the aisle; that's
queer. Out to my place when we want
one to travel we put ring in his nose. !"
Chicago Herald.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

The Presbyterian General Assembly,
at its recent session, reported receipts of
SlO3,745 for the year by the ministerial
relief board, which maintains 204
clergymen, 279 widows and % orphans.
The Chinese authorities have
agreed to pay $500 as compensation
for the destruction of the mission prem
ises belonging to the Union Methodist
Free churches at Wenchow during the
late riots.
The clergy of Florida in the pasS
ten years have increased from seven
teen to forty, and the list of commune
cants from less than 700 to 1894.
There have been erected in the same
period forty-two churches and chapels,
The second anniversary of the
Chinese Sunday-school Union of New
York was held at the Madison Avenue
congregational Church recently. About
500 Mongolians were present There
are connected with this Union twenty
nine schools, having 700 scholars.
The King of Belgium, the President
of the African International Associa-
ton, has decided to open an African
Seminary in connection with the Uni
versity of Leyden, at which young men
will be prepared for missionary work in
the newly opened districts of the DARK
Continent.
The General Synod of the Reformed
Church adopted resolution appointing
a committee of leading ministers TO ex-
anime the Revised Old and New Testa-
ments, land report to the next Synod
whether it be wise and expedient fol
this body to recommend the same foI
use in public worship or private, or in
both. IN. Y. Examiner.
1t is not to the Methodists, as is
generally thought, but to the Presbyteri,
ans, that America owes the word camp
meeting. Certain Presbyterian minis
ters held sacramental meeting at a
place called Cane Ridge, in Kentucky,
in 1900. 1t was attended by more than
10000 people. and was protracted for
weeks. This was the first camp-meet,
ing ever held in the United States
Chicago Herald.
-Wyclife Hall, at Oxford, and
Ridley Hall, at Cambridge, were
founded few years ago by the Evan
SOAISthI L al " III buO SHuI CAI VI 4ILlSId
for the training of graduates for the
work of the ministry. The buildings
have cost 100000. The fees charged
twenty guineas) for each term pay all
expenses, except the salaries of the
principal and vice-principal, and for
those purposes an endowment fund is
being raised Of $125,000.
The Board of Trustees of Cornell
University have made an appropriation
of $1,000, to complete electrical ap-
paratus on large scale for the measure
ment of large electric currents. These
experiments are considered of great i'm
portance, and Professor Anthony, the
dean of the department of physics, will
be assisted by prominent scientists from
| different educational institutions in the
country. The experiments will be
made during the summer. = Buffalo
Express.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
FARMING IN MAINE.
Observations of William Nye, the
Veracious Chronicler.
Sleigh-Riding and Corn-Hoeing-A Grea
Stone Crop-The WOrmless Railroad
Pie--Gathering the Gram
berry Crop.

The State of Maine is good place in
which to experiment with prohibition,
but it is not good place to farm it in
very largely.
In the first place, the season is gener-
ally a little reluctant. When was up
near Moosehead Lake short time apo
people were driving across that body of
water on the ice with perfect i'm
punity. That is one thing that inter-
feres with the farming business
in Maine. If young man is sleigh
riding every night till midnight he
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
GORGEOUS GOLDEN TROUT.
A Mysterious Denizen of Kansas Creek
That Glitters in Dazzling Beauty.

That Glitters in Dazzling Beauty.
There is a trout in Whitney Greek,
tributary of Kern River, in Kansas"
said veteran New York angler, ''the
like of which does not exist in any other
water of the globe. 1t has an abode of
its own in the upper waters of the creek,
and it is not invaded by any of the other
breeds of trout, which swarm in the
waters below, simply because it can not
be got at by them. The reason of this
is very simple. About six miles from
the head of the creek there is perpen-
dicular waterfall, $50 feet high. The
rock down which the water tumbles is
solid and smooth on its face from base
to summit. There are no protruding
lodges or hollows at short intervals on
the rock, by means of which other trout,
with leap after leap, from ledge to ledge
and hollow to hollow, can scale this
watery precipice. as they do in the case
of thousands of high waterfalls else
where, and no trout or salmon that ever
climbed from mouth to head of the
steepest mountain streams can go up
this sheer fall of a hundred and fifty
feet. Consequently the trout above the
falls have never been disturbed by inter-
lopers of different variety, and they
live by themselves in the pure, cold
water, the most splendid family of fresh
water fish.
'They are fish literally bespangled
with FURNISHED gold and dashed with
spots Of the brightest crimson. The
first time ever saw one of these trout
l actually thought it had been orna-
mented by the person who had it with
flakes of gold leaf and that its red spots
had been heightened in color with the
brush. But this is their natural
appearance, and when they are taken
from the water and the sunlight strikes
them they glitter as if they were clad in
brilliant armor. They are called the
golden trout Their habits are the
same as the ordinary brook trout. and
they take fly just the same and fight
as gamely. Their flesh is no better Ii
is their beauty alone that places them
at the head of this great fish family,
noted for its beauty-N. Y. Sun.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
EDWIN M. STANTON.
How His Life Was Believed to Have
Been Saved.

hCSh cdfcus
General Grant, in his biography, re.
fers to a meeting at Louisville with Ed
win M. Stanton, when the Secretary of
War had such cold that Grant expect
ed him to die. Ex-senator Learned, of
Massachusetts,, relates the sequel of that
meeting in an interesting way. Mr..
Learned was at that time President of
the Ohio & Mississippi Railroad. When
Stanton left Louisville he went to JEFF
fersonville on his way to indianapolis.
He was met there by Mr.. Learned, who
had gone there to see about the trans
portation of troops. A car was set aside
for the Secretary of War. 1t had been
used by troops and was somewhat filthy.
The hose was turned on to its floors,
and it underwent a thorough scrubbing
In the big stoves at either end huge fires
were built, 1t was bitter cold weather,
and the car was long time getting a
comfortable temperature. Mr.. Stanton,
General Arson Stager (since dead), and
Mr.. Learned and his wife occupied the
car. Mr.. Learned says that he never
saw man travelling in worse condition
than Stanton, who had a congestion
that was rapidly closing in on him with
death-grip. He went over and said
to Stanton: "Mr. Secretary, l presume
as head of the War Department and
chief of its allopathic medical branch,
you would not feel at liberty to accept
relief outsider
II don't understand" said Stanton.
"Well, I've been a homeopathist for
twenty years, and l know you are a sick
man. If you will permit me, think
my wife has her package of medicines
along and that l can prescribe for your
relief"
"What would you give me?"
II think you should have stibium."
"What is that?'
"The first preparation of tartar
emetic.n
Then the Senator told the story OF
old DIR. Grey, who always prescribed
stibium, and had once said he expected
to have inscribed on his tombstone,
He prescribed stibium and died. "
Stanton said: Il don't know about
stibium, but think tartar emetic would
do me good" Mr.. Learned gave him
doses every ten minutes. finally length
ening the doses to half an hour At
Seymour Mr.. Stanton was much re-
lieved, but begged Mr.. Learned to &c
ON to Indianapolis. Just before reach
ing that city he got dispatch which
he told the Senator required his pres
ence at Washington as soon as he could
get there. Mr.. Learned insisted that
he would endanger his life by attempt
ing the trip in his condition. Human
life is nothing in times like these" was
Stanton's response. He asked for the
bottle of stibium and declared his in
tention of going on to the Capital. The
bottle was given to General Stager, with
instructions to lengthen the periods OF
doses to two hours unless the congestion
should grow worse, when they were to
be shortened. Stanton went on to
Washington under this treatment and
recovered. Months afterwards he told
Mr.. Learned that he considered himself
indebted to Mrs. Learned S homeopathic
medicine case for his life Chicago
T1.ib7fue
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

don't feel like hoeing corn the follow
ing day. Any man who has ever had
his feet frost-bitten while bugging
potatoes will agree with me that It
takes away the charm of pastoral pur-
suits. 1t is this desire to amalgamate
dog days and Santa Claus that has in
Jured Maine as an agricultural hotbed.
Another reason that might be as
signed for refraining from agricultural
pursuits in Maine is that the agitator of
the soil finds when it is too late that
soil itself, which is essential to the sue
cSessfal propagation of crops, has not
been in use in Maine for years. While
all over the State there is magnificent
stone foundation on which farm might
safely rest, the superstructure, or farm
proper, has not been secured.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
VERY TRUE, so MAY YOU.

Young man, you say you want wife
To bless your home and cheer your life,
A woman true in every way,
Who does her duty every day;
Whose love is strong and good and pure,
A love that wins and holds secure;
A wife that will not scold and fret
And make you wish you ne'er had met;
Whose presence is shining light;
Whose counsel guides and keeps you right;
Who tries to please in little things,
And to your home rare comfort brings;
A woman who knows how to mind
Her own business, that's the kind;
Who loves her home and stays right there
And does not run round everywhere
To gossip and to idly chat
And tell the neghbors this or that;
Who, when you re troubled, cheers you 1lp
And sweetens every bitter cup;
Who, when you're sick, will nurse you
through,
AS only loving hands can do.
Young man, take my advice in this
If you're in search of perfect bliss,
In weighing girls, see that you place
Good sense 'gainst beauty, wealth or grace.
My friend, you think that you are wise,
But some shrewd girl may shut your eyes
You think you know just what you need,
But your Impressions may mislead,
For other men have thought so, too
But they got fooled, and so may you.
Camden Post.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

Minno m naa known when passed through
t"innesota and Illinois what a soil
hn talnlne there was in Maine, 1 would
nave brought some with me.
Iii Inc stone crop this year in Maine
wiz oe very great. If they do not
tLack tt open during the dry weather
b mere will be great many. The stone
sa oluise is also looking unusually well
iIr THIS season of the year, and chill
there. "n0n was
IN IN the neighborhood of Pittsfield the
w".ay UounCry seems to run largely to cold
.h;uh a.er ana chattel mortgages. Some
sl snlnk that rum has always kept Maine
oaok' but claim that it has been wet
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

The agricultural resources of Pitts
field and vicinity are not great, the prin.
cipal exports being spruc7 gum and
Christmas trees. Here also the buckle
berry hath her home. But the country
seems to run largely to Christmas trees.
They were not yet in bloom when Wis.
tied the State, so it was too early to
gather popcorn balls and Christmas
nraSnntS
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
He Knew the Climate.

Commercial Travellers Wife-"Now,
my dear, what coat will you take with
you? 1t is almost June; your liner
duster will be enough. guess.
G. T.-"Lay out my fur overcoat, my
heavy cloth overcoat, my spring over
coat and my linen duster."
c. T.'s W.-"Why, my dear!-Yor
are joking, amt youP"
G. T.-"Certainly not. I'm going t.
travel in New England. ."-,Boston CQur
IeY. F.,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
VICTOR HUGO.
How He Would Have Punished Marsha
BaZaine.


BaZaine.
At Victor Hugo's house one evening
the question of capital punishment was
discussed, anent the commutation OF
the sentence of Bazaine into perpetual
imprisonment. Several politicians who
were present blamed this Communication
and maintained that no one had ever
better deserved death than Bazaine.
NO" said Hugo, Il would not have
loaded chassepots for him; but, if | had
been President of the Council of War.
this is what should have done: should
have convoked to the Champ de Mars
the National Assembly, all the troops
of Paris, all the people; and there in the
presence of that crowd, in presence of
that army, in presence of the represent
atives of the nation, should have had
Bazaine brought forward, dressed in all
the insignia of a marshal of France.
Then the President of the Assembly
would have read aloud the judgment
declaring Bazaine traitor to his coun-
try, and condemning him to degrade
ton. Then the senior subaltern officer
would have torn off his crosses, broken
his sword, trampled his epaulettes un-
der foot, and, the ceremony over, would
have said to the degraded man: Now,
Monsieur Bazaine, go! you are free!' y
No one can deny the grandeur of this
conception of moral and exemplary
chastisement. Morning Ne,os.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13
Tempting to Steal.

The practice of placing goods outside
shops, thus tempting starving people to
steal, is so utterly indefensible that its
continuance can only be accounted for
on the theory of its greatly stimulating
business. On that head a boot and shoe
dealer at Birmingham gives evidence
which appears almost incredible.
Having been reprimanded by the bench
for putting considerable portion of his
stock in trade outside his shop. he de-
clared that he could not help himself
He had tried the other plan for seven
months, and his books showed that it
made on the average difference of $50
pairs weekly in his sales. According to
his story therefore, he must have sold
4,500 fewer pairs during the period
when virtue triumphed over greediness.
That was, he evidently thought, far too
high price to pay for doing right, and
he therefore relapsed into selfishness,
with the result of his having to prose-
cute father and son for stealing pair
of boots from outside his shop. The
elder received two months imprison-
ment the younger fourteen days i'm
prisonment and five years Incarceration
in a reformatory. Clearly, therefore,
however profitable the practice may be
to traders, it is very expensive to the
general community who have to main
tain the offenders in prison. On that
ground alone, and putting humanity
out of the question, the State has an ex-
cellent right to interfere. Moreover. if
the practice were prohibited throughout
the kingdom all traders would be
placed on the same footing, and, as the
public are bound to supply their own
requirements, there could not be any
loss of trade in the aggregate. London
Globe.
In the Bernese Oberland parrot
one day made its escape and perehed on
the rain trough of farm house in the
neighborhood. The farmer, who had
probably never been out of his native
village, brought ladder to capture the
strange animal. When he had reached
the top and was reaching out his hand,
the parrot called out: What do you
want? What do you want?" The
astonished peasant at once took off his
cap and said: 30, beg your pardon, 1
thought you were bird! d!'-NttzetheiH.
In the course of a recent Montana
cattle case cowboy testified that "a
maverick is somebody else's calf that
Won cpt yoJlf brand nu first -
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

The Bank of Spain, on capital OF
l50,OO0,OO0 pesetas, had, by report
just issued, deposit account of over
2s0, 100000 pesetas, besides notes in
circulation to the value of 418,417, 800
pesetas, and total liability account of
919, 770, ITO pesetas. A Spanish peseta
equals 1873 cents in American money.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

The Supreme Court of Oregon re-
Gently decided that women should not
be admitted to the practice of law in
that State.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

1t is the sinners who find the least
satisfaction in the revised version. =
Philadetphid North american.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1885-08-13

In the course of recent Montana
cattle case cowboy testified that "a
maverick is somebody else's calf that
you get your brand on first"
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1885-07-04
Boston Culture i'm the wild
West.

A Boston man rather crippled the
frontier notion the other night at the
Columbia Theater. He went in &C
comparatively two ladies. AT the end
of the first act he went out and pass
ed into an adjacent saloon. He drank
his glass of beer and bought two
more He started into the foyer with
the beverage, and was stopped at the
door, of course. He was given to
understand that the Columbia was
not beer garden He apologized
and offered the man at the door one
of the glasses, which was refused.
He drank off both himself, put the
glasses down on the floor, wiped his
lips, passed in, made his apology to
the ladies, and sat through the play.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1885-07-04
Household Hints.

Never put ice-cold milk into boil
ing articles.
Articles likely to spoil should not
be kept in or laid upon wood.
Cream sweetened with powdered
sugar win keep for couple of days.
TO preserve flowers in water, mix
d little saltpeter or carbonate Of So
da with water and it will preserve
the flowers for two weeks.
Remove the mildew from linen by
wetting the spot, rubbing on chalk
and exposing it to the air. Diluted
hartshorn will take out mildew from
WOODEN stuffs.
Fly poison; Boil one-quarter ounce
small chips of quassia in one pint of
water, add four ounces molasses.
Flies drink this with avidity, and
are soon destroyed.
A good cement for mending brok-
EN- crockery ware may be made by
mixing together equal quantities of
melted glue, white of egg and white
lead, and boiling them together.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1885-07-04
An End TO Bone scrapimg.

Edward Shepherd, of Harrisburg, Ill. says;
ssHaying received so much benefit from Elec-
trio Btters, Peel Tiny duty to let suffering
humanity knowit Have had a running sore
on my leg for eight years; my doctors told
me | would have to have the bone scraped or
leg amputated. | used, instead, three bot
ties OF Electric Bitters and seven boxes Buck
:. LENS Arnica Salve, and my leg is now sound
and WE'LL
Electric Bitters are sold at fifty cents bot
tie, and Bucklen' s Arnica Salve at 25c. per
box by e. G. Williams Il Bro.