Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1885-11-06

a Texas editor, who must be short of
type, spells wife, "yf." The probability
is he never dares to cut the original short.
though
A California farmer has just shipped
$4,000 pounds of mustard seed to New
York. The public will wait with bated
breath to learn whether the train draws
the mustard or the mustard the train.
An exchange wonders why Oscar Wilde
has returned to the lecture platform with
so much Of his hair gone. You must re
member that Oscar has been married.
dramatic critic says that Modjeska's
hands are Ground, long, well-formed and
generally in repose." 1t is evident that
she never had to spank babies or manage
a husband.
I The Vermont farmer who owns q big
grove of maple trees, can say that there
is some sweetness in his lot, after all.
Some people know good thing when
they see 1t.
Hole in-the-Day wants to 20 to West
Point, to learn the most modern and an.
proved way of letting daylight through
the people.
/ Quinn Bohannan is in the Nebraska
/ City Jail under sentence of death for the
murder of a young man with whom he
had controversy about the way to spell
the word "peddler." You touch Ne
braskan to the quick when you question
his ability to spell.
| An Ohio man was given morphine by
mistake instead of quinine, and the whole
populace of the town turned out and took
turns running him up and down the streets
to keep him awake. At about o'clock in
the afternoon the sufferer began to fight
the crowd, and the doctors pronounced
him convalescent.
'Now what is womans duty in home
missions - asked female lecturer and
a little girl in the back seat piped up
stay home and help pa tend baby -
The great trouble with the average
American citizen, is that when election
time comes on a rainy day he goes to the
poles instead of the polls. Diagram: he
goes fishing)
One ton of dumbbells has been ordered
for the Nassar gymnasium. The dear
girls will be stufIing their bustles with
them next.
A Burlington girl in a fit of abstraction,
picked up "A copy of "Kismet," scratched
out the st." and handed the book to her
lover. He caught on.
An exchange wants to know if a bicycle,
after taking header, doesn't see the
ground swell No the swelling is gen
orally confined to his own head.
Honesty and the ability to pay $50 OO
admission fee will enable any broker to
hpcnD1p "a mann bar nj tba Nav Work stopl-
exchange says writer. 1t isn't the form
er that keeps us out.
Some Nassar girls recently photograph
ed the moon and then looked for the man
with powerful microscope. They seem
to have had some previous experience of
the sex
There are one hundred and twenty-five
female physicians in Iowa, and only five
female lawyers. Everybody knows that
women have no confidence in their ability
to talk.
The custom of kissing babies is being
= justly censured these days. 1t is cowardly
to kiss the poor little helpless things.
, We'd rather take somebody of our size
, Ddnsrille Breeze
A theatrical troupe called "The Alarm
: Clock" company wound up its affairs AT
L d ".
, UUhC.
, An exchange POLITICALLY observes Jack
Frost will soon be writing his poems on
the window panes" Well, Jack is some
thing of a poet At least he makes beau
) full rime.-BOStOn courier.
"The prettiest thing in bonnets," said
Mrs. Bromley, the other day, "is-''
5 Your face, Mrs. Bromley" said the old
gentleman, gallantly-and Mrs. Bromley
+ carried around a nine-inch smile for a
= week afterward. -Philddelphi0 Call
y She wanted to break her husband of the
habit of drink, and began to cook his food
: in liquor, having heard that it would
> the first day; he showed no signs of no
ticing the change the second day, but af-
ter supper on the third day he said to her
p maria, you don't know how you have
j, improved in your cooking in the last three
- days. rid Bits.
i, "Weally, I have been twying to think
g. where we met
/ "Ah, indeed 1t was at Saratoga, las
p summer"
= "Weally Miss Chestah, beg yoah pah
l. don. | had quite fawgotten, don't yor
l. know, and | cawn't undahstand how you
could wemembah me so we'll"
quite easy, Mr. Morgan: you know
= the simpler anything is, the easier we re
/. member it. 60 Cincinnati Commercial
>, TrdrcltGr
II 1t is better to have an aching back from
= labor than an empty stomach from lazi
n uess-BOStOH courier.
u \ number of cOored men at Annapolis
l. have organized an oyster packing com
:, pany. But the colored man can pacl
st watermelOns better than oysters Boston
l. Post.
=, 1t is mean father who will spend tn
4 afternoon painting the front gate ut thi
a. season of the year and not drop hint o
, what he has been doing at the supper
=, table. -SOmCrruiC Journal
District Attorney-Do you consider tina
a correct statement, Mr.. Quimby? | know
that you do not You are a lawyer be
lievei Witness-Yes, sir. Then wis
y you would lose sight of your professional
d, character long enough to tell the truth.
e. -PhitddClphid CdlL
lie a boy was asked if he ever prayed il
III church, and answered: "Oh, yes, | a
to ways say prayer like the rest do just be
Il. fore the sermon begins" what do yoI
e. say ?" was the inquiry. Now lay m
s. down to sleep "-ErdnSpillC Argus.