Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1885-07-06
BRIGHT BITS.

AN FRESHMAN put up the following notice:
NV hoover Is caught trespassDg upon these
grounds VIII be given forty lashes on the bare
back Half the penalty will be paid to the
informer. '-ErchdR9e.
A CHOICE OF EvILs.-Mrs Masham :"What
a lot OF dust there is, Mabel! shall we have
the hood OF the carriage put up in 'front.'"
Mabel: ION, no. We shouldn't see anybody"
Mra Ma-hSm: shall we have IL up behind,
them Mabe ION. that would be still worse,
Tor nobody could see us"-f uRch.
REV. SAM JONES advises us to '.kick this old
world as we would Il rubber ball" No. guess
not sam, we've seen the trick before only it
was done by placing common strawberry
blonde brick beneath an AntiQuaied tile on
the sidewalk. IT is pretty good trick, sam
uel, but 1t will only take outside the city lin
its.-B0ston Gt)6e.
CUSTOMERS were scarce and the clerks in
the big store were idle. One was making "s4"
artstcaly on a sheet of wrapping paper
when the head OF the firm came up and said
Sharply: n, you are sketching, | see Mr..
smith, "I Is, rir,' replied Smith, nervously.
II was merely-iust-onlY drawing my salary,
sir; that's all. "-Pftts6urJ Chronicle.
FIRST DEMoCRAT-"R by are Mr.. Gladstone
and President Cleveland alikeY'
Second DemOcrat-"Give it up; tell u.s.
"Because they are both expert in the use of
the AK
Second Democrat, who has been trying in
vain TO capture the Office of an offensive partl-
san for three months, declares that this IS the
poorest conGndrum he ever heard.-Repu65t-
can JIeged J0&e.
WIEN lovely woman pines in folly
because her hair is growing gray,
What charm can sOQthe her melancholy?
What art can drive her grief awayY
The only art her woe to cover.
To hide her age from every eye.
To come the gum game DER her lover
And make her happy-is to dye!
Boston Gasette.
IN New Orleans they gave a show
To beat the big Centennial;
To which her people eaid they'd go
When came the great millennial.
And when the month of June had come,
With heat to melt our collars.
The great big show had sunk the sum
or about two million dollars.
-Norristoloa Herald.
CHARLES said Mrs. Spendall, 81 saw a
beautiful costume at Bizarre's to-day, and
should ike it ever and ever so much" 'And
| should like TO have you have It," replied
Charles, but really, Clara, l haven't the
money to spare.N "0h, you great tease! /
know better than that. / saw brand new
check book in your desk only yesterday, and
not one of the checks had been used, Boston
Transcript.
CHARLES SHELLEY, Oriental Hotel, Coney
Island, to ''Gath," whom he has invited TO
dinuer-How much do you weigh, George?
Gath-TwO hundred.
Bystander-You two are about the same
CATH hope I'm not as fat as Shelley.
Shelley-Oh, l weigh 300, but my flesh is
symmetrcally distributed, while you're a
shRpeless mass.
Gath Slowly and observantly)-Yes you
are getting some symmetry since you've lost
your nair.-Erchdn0e.
A STRONG CASE of circumstantial evidence:
Judge Robert Grlndrod, the Little Rock
EnglIshman who annually celebrates the
birthday Of the Queen, was recently summoned
as witness to testify in case Of hog steal
ing The am of the 'Og was sold TO me, your
honor, and hafterward, when suspicion was
excited, noticed that part OF the air OF the
'Og was lett on the am. Then we got the
'de OF the 'og ana saw that he air on the
am atted into the ole in the ide." The evil
dence was 50 conclusive that the thief was
convicted. n rk0HSal0 7rGgeier.
ONE Of our tOwnsmen who was recently in
Boston was very much struck with the show
bills ut dime museum, particularly so be-
cause it was announced that there was on ex-
hbltiOn a cannibal from the Fill Islands
This was what he lOnged 70 see; therefore
money was no object and in he went. While
looking upon the different wonders he was
approached by the cannibal. who whispered
in his ear; rs that you, JIM" Further con
versHtion elected the fact that the Fiji was
an old resident of New Bedford, and that he
was drawing So "A Gay sDd large audiences
Neto BedfOrd Mercury.