The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1885-10-29

The opium joints should Do dmsocas-
cd.
A ROLLING mill-a rough and tumble
prize fight.
A CONSCIENTIOUS miIlman never
wears pumps.
AN important suit-a mans wedding
garments. - Burlington Free Press.
BEAu-"why do you prefer q wood
fire?" Belle-"Cause it pops!"-The
Judge.
THESE dime museums make no bones
Of exhibiting live skeletons.--BostOn
Globe.
EXPERIENCE is the best teacher-par-
ticularly if it is someone else's expert
ence-Louisrille Journal
A MAN who is habitually forgetting
can't very well be trusted, for he is apt
to forget his principles--PecEs Sun.
81 MET Mr.. Smith in shabby coat q
while ago. He has not failed has he ?"
90 no, he only puts on that coat when
he goes to the Assessors to give in his
property for assessment. "-Ieras Sift-
ipqS.
"DoEs the shining steel blade l hold
inquired an Oh City barber. "What?"
81 asked if the razor hurt you?' "Is it
razor?" "Of course it is. Whyw
Il thought it was q saw, but, if you are
sure it is n razor, go ahead. "-OA City
Blizzard,
THE OLD MANS COAL.
Soon the wintry winds will whistle
The town and country DER,
And the young man and his misSu
Not stand In the entry door.
But beyond, within tho parlor,
They viii seek loves blissful goal
While the fire keeps a-burning
Up the old mans costly coal.
-Someruilte Journal
WEBsTER's spelling book, it is said,
still sells at the rate of 100000 copies
O year. And yet it is never called for
at public library, while half a dozen
volumes OF Ouida's novels may be taxi
en- out in one day. The plot in Web
sters spelling book is not thrilling
enough to please the patrons of public
Libraries -Norristolvn Herald.
I'd like a kith,
My pretty NTH.
Becauth Aith It'll thweet.
Iray, DO you know
That kitheth grow
Where iipth OF sovorth meet?
SHE.
Oh yeth, know
Where kithesh grow,
Wit out your nting lookth;
Becauth, you th9e
y Q he re he.
read of IL in bookth.
An Albany gentleman, who broke o
rule of the Associated Charities by Civ
ing aims on the street, tells an instance
which gives curious commentary on
human nature. A poor woman with q
child, met him and said: 90, sir, you
are rich and happy, and I should be
perfectly happy if / could only have
So for the children at home" The
gentleman said: "Well, if So can make
any human being perfectly happy here
it is" The woman, seizing it, replied:
40 L wish / had said tenl"
A TRAVELLER in Nebraska noticed at
small station that the mon collected on
the platform all wore a most detected
look. Their subdued manner and sor-
rowful appearance indicated that SCI
rious disaster had occurred whats
the trouble?' he asked through the
car window; "a lot of people MUIR
dered?" mo, stranger; it's woser'n
that" said citizen: "The White Ele-
plant burned down las night"
whats the VIII to ELEPHANT" "Hit
war the only iikker store In town,
stranger. "-Detrou Post
He bad dozen rat-traps slung over
his shoulder as he promenaded up New
street in search of customers, and when
asked the price lie replied: Down =
way down. Rat traps have followed
Wabash, End you can take your pick
for 30 cents" "But that's too high"
We'll, being as Western Union has
shrunk, Won can take one for A." TOO
high" "What! Well, l must follow
New York Central Well say 40"
"Come down" Say, mister, do you
want a rat-trap at Texas Pacific fig
ures?" asked the old man. What are
they?' ''Why, you take a trap for
nothing and J give you quarter to buy
cheese with. - IFGu Street Ne,Us.
az INTENDED to tell Jane to bring
fresh bucket Ct water" said the wife of
Prof. Nottlehead. looking up from her
sewing You doubtless mean a buck
ct of fresh water" rejoined her hus-
band. 81 wish you would pay some
little attention TO rhetoric; your
mistakes are embarrassing A few
moments later the professor said any
dear, that picture would show to better
advantage if you were to hang it over
the clock" "Ah" she replied, "you
doubtless mean if were to hang it
above the clock. If / were to hang it
over the clock we couldn't tell what
time it is. wish you would pay some
little attention to rhetoric; your mis-
takes are embarrassing. "-Arkdnsa
IrdUeler.