Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1885-01-26

Light weight-The tonnage of cargo
of kerosene.
''What is the boundary that separates
a smile from tear?" ''Give it up"
'sThe nose''
little girl suffering with the mumps
declared she ''felt as though a headache
had slipped down into her neck
Nothing is impossible to him who wills
always excepting the having of the
provisions of his will carried out.
A Cincinnati editor claims to have seen
petrified girl We have seen good
many of them; they were all hired girls
''No, indeed!" exclaimed Mrs. Pop
snap, energetically, 81 don't believe in
the extension of woman's suffrage at all.
She suffers enough now.''
"John, what is the best thing to feed
parrot on?" asked an elderly lady of her
bachelor brother who hated parrots.
''Arsenic," gruftiy answered John
1t is reported that Mr.. Moody, the
evangelist, intends to found a plumbers
Christian association in Chicago. The
plumbers must be reached some way.
An editor suggests that everyone ''re-
solve that he will mind his own business
this year" That would knock the news
| paper business higher than dudes collar
A young man who was Tilted by his
| girl and subsequently married her, says
she treated him like bottle of patent
medicine. He was "shaken" before
taken.
Little George was questioned the other
day about his big sisters beau. elbow
old is he?" Il don't know" ''Well, is
he young?" 81 think SO, for he hasn't
any hair on his head.'
"Women who excite the greatest love
are often ugly says writer. We will
admit that they often turn out to be rath-
er sour-tempered, after man has been
fool enough to marry them.
eff you don't keep out of this yard
youll catch it." said Il woman to II boy
in West Lynn. ''All right" answered
the gamin. 81 wouldn't have come in il
I'd known your folks had it."
| A correspondent wants to know at
what height can man live. Personal ex-
perience has led us to believe that man
can live, if he has a job, at height OF
about five feet and eleven inches.
The wheel snake, which takes its tail
in its mouth and so trundleS over the
| ground, is to say the least, regardless OF
dress and its appropriateness. His walk.
| ing suit consists of swa!low-tail.
Sixty Harvard freshmen have dropped
their Latin, eighty their Greek and one
hundred their mathematics. This will
| give them sufficient leisure to study some.
thing mole probably poker.
'.Here, you little rascal, walk up here
and give an account of yourself-where
have you been?' CATER the girls, faith.
er." 'sDid you ever know me to do SC
when was boy?" ssNo sir; but moth
er did,
"What the Spade has done for Hu
man History" was the sbject of recent
address before teachers convention
The spade has always played very i'm
portant part in the closing scenes of the
historical drama
Pennsylvania man has invented 9
new kind of roller skating costume with
an accordian concealed in the rear pock
cts. The chief beauty of the thing i.
that where it is extensively used no othel
instrumental music is required.
At a school examination clergyman
was descanting on the necessity of grow
ing up loyal and useful citizens. In or
der to emphasize his remarks he pointed
to large flag hanging on the side of tn.
school room, and said: boys, what i.
that flag for?" An urchin who under
stood the condition of the room bettel
than the speakers rhetoric, exclaimed
ITO hide the dirt SIR