The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1885-10-03
UNCLE AMOS SPREADS HIMSELF
On the New River Lame Question, Showing
How Sinners Can have II Hard

On the New River Lame Question, Showing
How sinners Can have Hard
Road to- Travel.
Reported verbatim for the CHIEF by our special
stenograpller, TOMMY J.
Ny brey' rep, is lef9' !on dis even to
discuss de why an wharfore ob de situa-
shun ob affairs an de eopdishun oh tingS
in gennul in dis salubrious secshun OBJ
Ascenshnn, New Ribber. You has doutless
obsarved, as has, wifi feelin's OBJ mingled
awe an admirashun, de unswarvin intrnst
magnerfested by de correspondents OBJ de
Don's son CHIEF, an de De,nocsup in dar eff
forts ter convince de New Ribber peoples
dat dis var kentry wants er road-needs it
bad-mus' hab it-an' so 10th an sech like.
/ 'specks 20 has read dar contervarsys how
dey got dat road chock full OBJ mud NOM
ments, yaller- gators, de Bible, de Lo'd, de
PEELED to make a pilg' mage trough dat lane,
you kin jes calkerlate dey would smell Sheol,
fore dey got trough, shuah.
Now my brev'ren don't you lef' DER con-
vicshuns Establish in you comprehension de
delushun dat dat var contervarsy am gwine'r
terminate in fav'er'ble conclushun, an i'll
berry brief eventual you is gwine'r hab d
road so smoof you kin swap off you bosses
for roller skeets an glide from huyar to
yonder too quick; no indeed, honey, you isn't
you Sc mistaken-you'se gwine'r grab you
hoe, you shovel an you spade, an hitch up
you ox-team an tote you puncheons, an
git out dar, niggars-you huyar mean
hump yosef eff you 'spects ter navergate
terrier firmer on de exterior in dat lane.
My brew rem, likewise my sistern, willis
you hes been confnin' youselfs to obsarba-
shun, has been solilerquizen-yas, l has
been OF thinkin' whefur dem ar scripshur
writer's when dem wroted de hymn, Use
gwine'r plant my foots on de solid groun',"
ever 'spected to trabble trough de New Rib
Der lane, cayse if dey did dar logic war wifi
out foundashun, an dar foots am gwine'r
he in de same perdicerment when dey goes
ter plant.
Agin dey seq, DE sinner has hard road
~ tldDOlC. INO" lCOh uuJ huOWo SAAS
huyar commurerty hasn't been cheated out
OBJ DER share OBJ sinners, an axes, kin any
oh de ASSEMBLED huyar put bofe hands on
dar moufs an wifi clar conshuns say dey
hab struck enyting hard in dat lane twixt
de Bayou Manchac an de 'Sippi ribber
since summer fore las. Uh, uh! no you
cayn't. Pr'aps weso 'ception to de gennul
rule Oh niggas, an de angel Gabrul hab in
tersecd, SO de Lo'd done glib US good, saft
ting jes ter git shet OBJ i'm an to stop you
all from grumblin'.
Now if dem white folks 'ud jes 'semble in
dat lane an OK cize de mud, us pore cullud
folkses could utilize ou'sefs chokin' up
few OBJ dem mons'rous holes-but nigga
mus hab plenty mud wen he gins ter fill,
cayse de Lo'd hissef mus hab dat wen he
start in on job. Talk bout holes! Dey
tells me dat Robar an Thomas driv dar
wagins trough dar las Sunday, an durin'
der day it gun ter sprinkle, an bilne- by it
gins ter rain, an wen dey wuz ready ter
cum home de lane war jes hoatin; but new
deless Robar driv in-an' talk bout drivin'
dat nigga c'ud drive dem mules OBJ his'n
on de tilegraft wire fob two mile, turn 'roun
an cum down whar he went up-but whoa
unter him dat put his trus' in mule meat in
dat lane; he jes had time ter boiler "whoa
wen de hull contrapsh un sunk
inter de bowuls Oh de parish six inch obba
dat nigga's he'd. Willis he war strugglin
down dar, long cum Thomas, full of Seen
shu1. gin, an war a driven right obba whar
he wuz, wen Robar boiler up 60 Hi dar! you
Thomas, take you off-mule him foot off'n
me-" Now, don't yer know dat Thomas
cum mighty nigh losen' all his 'ligion he
pray 90 hard? But how you specs dey git
Robar out OBJ dar? No sab, dey did'n dig
i'm up, nor git no derrick: white man sed
Dinah- mite coax i'm up, an dey went an
got 'er, an niggas, Robar an dem mules
haint come down yit-sech am de powah Oh |
dat woman's charms-an' wen you'se goen
trough de lane, take an tro' yo' eye agin
de ole sickermore tree an you'se gwine'r
see de fragermunts OBJ gallun jug dat
smells whisky-das all dar is of Robar. |
Rake his cat in peace.
Now, gemmens, de chief pint OBJ my argy-
ment is ter ak you what's you gwine'r do !
bout it? You has you craps putty nigh |
gath'ud-what you gwine'r do wifi 'em?-
How you'se gwine'r git 'em to der ribber?
Spec Misser Louis gwine'r construc tela-
phone an navergate 'em out dar?-agin |
you'se mistaken: spec de noosepaper argy-
ments gwine'r do de biznuss? Oh, nh! Now
lissun to Uncle Amos what he lows to |
Use gwine'r pint Jim Shine or
Oh free to 'vestigate an ascertain |
from de intrusted parties de ultimatum, if
aey has one; but it's my repinyun dat we all !
niggas got ter brung out our mules an gin |
ter haul mud yonda 'less'n we wants ter be |
in de perdicament OBJ pore Robar.
Well, gemmens, as de utter destitushum |
ob apperbashun ewiuced by 'presherative |
orjience am a.o,, est in dis 'semblage, de- |
sist p. d. q. You, Dave jackson, put yo' |
razor back in yo' west pockit. Jim Lamp
kins, chune up yo' fiddle an play my fav'-
rte, "'Possum up de gum stump, coony in
lie holler."
-R00
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