Morning journal and courier., 1885-12-30
TRIALS.

Bagley (to Bailey): I say, Shocks has drop ped on to very bright advertisement: hasn't he-Snooks, the lawyer, you know. Bailey: What does he says Bagley: Asks the people to give him a trial, He's just opened his office, you know.-Tidbits.
 'FWe bend the knee, but not the elbow" enthusiastically exclaimed an orator at a tenn perance meeting the other evening. ''That's SO" said an unclaimed sinner on a back seat ''It's the only way you can get your mouth to the bunghole. ."-National Weekly. A father was very much annoyed by the foolish questions of his little son. "Johnny, you are great source of annoyance to me-" s'What's the matter, pa." ''You ask so many foolish questions. I wasn't big donkey when I was of your age." ''No, pa, but you've growed 8 heap since. "-Troy Press.
 At one of the schools in this city yesterday the master, in general exercise, wrote the word 'tdozen" on the blackboard and asked the pupils to each write sentence contain ing the word. He was somewhat taken aback to find on one of the papers the following uniuue sentence: q dozen know my lesson" -Newburyport Herald.
 A very loquacious lady, calling one day to consult her physician, talked on and on with such volubility that the latter could not get in 8 word edgewise. Growing impatient, he at last told her to put out her tongue, which she did. He then said: ''Now please keep it there until you have heard what I have got to say to you. .'-The Argonaut. "Ah! dearest" sighed the young man, kneeling at the feet of his ownest own, fdOes thou know what of all outward things is nearest nay hearts" F'Really, can't say,'' she | health in this changeable weather I should think it was flannel shirt" She was too practical, and it broke the engagement.- Troy Press.
 "Charles," said Mrs. Spendall, ssI saw a beautiful costume to-day and I should like it ever so much" ''And I should like you to
 have it," replied Charles, ''but, really, Clara,
 I haven't the money to spare" "Oh, you
 great teaseI I know better than that I saw
 brand new check book in your desk only
 yesterday, and not one of the checks had
 been used. .''-Hotel Gazette.
 ''Do you recognize this instruments' said
 the lawyer to the prisoner at the bar, point
 ing to written contract. s1 think l do,"
 calmly responded the man addressed. "Win
 you be kind enough to inform the court what
 the nature of this instrument is2" 'You
 drew the instrument up, believer asked the
 prisoner sI did, replied the tormentor.
 s'Then I should say it was 8 wind instru-
 ment ''-Yonkers Statesman.
 Thoughtful Boston young lady, intensely
 interested in ancient history, to Harvard
 junior: E'Ah, MT. H., when you think
 pressed with the sense of our indebtedness
 to the great Rosetta Stone?' Harvard junior,
 slightly discomposed, but coming gallantly
 forward: "Yes, yes, indeed; but then her
 reign only gives us further proof of wo-
 mans influence you know" Enthusiastic young lady dessends to lower level.-Bos- ton Journal.
 Eastetn man-ssYou think would do we'll if I were to bring my family out here and grow up with the country" Western man
 FsDo well. You couldn't help it, stranger.
 The West is the place for business Large ideas, you know, an lots O room to branch out in. I left the East twenty-two years ago. I couldn't stand it back there. I wanted air.r Eastern man-"And what are you do- ing now." Western man-'Im brakin' on the new road "-New York Times.