Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1885-01-02
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A wagon wheel is lazy thing. 1t ls
always tired.
"A morally conducted family should
have an upright piano.
In France a tax is levied upon batchcl-
ors. In America the levy seems to fall
upon married men,. CieUeland Herald.
81 say you are nothing but IA pigW
." Well, don't your forget, Jane, that
you are one of my ribs m-Paris Figaro.
"My poor fellow" asked the man of the
living skeleton at the dime museum,
"where have you been boardingW-
PicayuRe.
"No, SIR" said the practical man
"no bric-a- -brac on the mantel for me.
It's nuisance. Where's a man to put
his feet2"
An English doctor says that person
who can move his ears at will is a suspi-
cious character and cannot be trusted,
and yet every donkey. can do it. ..
A receipt for lemon pie vaguely adds:
"Then sit on stove and stir. constant
ly." Just as if anybody could sit on -
stove without stirring constantly. & =
. How sad the fate of.any man, ;, ~
How serious his loss,
When in a weakness, born of talk, y. =
His tongue becomes his boss. :.
- -Merchaat- TrGUelet:' ~
"Thore, now!" exclaimed .Mrse Popipr-
jay, as tray of dishes went crashing to
the floor, while the waiter was trying to
put Popinjay's quarter in his pocket,
that's what comes of tipping 3he
waiter. - Burlington Free Press. g.. G.;r
A great head "You have a great head
on your shoulders" said Mr. Mdlcahey,
to his bride of forty years. = r"I, have,
have I, Mister Mulcahey," "Yis you
have, Mrs Mulcahey." $50 l have, and
80 has tack, Mister Mulcahey.",
A young man in this city cannot quite
make out whether his girl was sarcastic
or not in her remark to him, after he had
quite proudly declared that there was
" noble blood {" in his veins, that only
the night before her father had said the
same thing about his Guernsey cow
Boston Times.
A British and Yankee skipper were
sailing side by side, and in the mutual
chatf the English captain hoisted the
Union Jack and cried out; "There's a
leg OF mutton.for YOU" The Yankee
unfurled the Stars and Stripes and
shouted back: "And there is the grid
iron which broiled it."-B0St0n journal.
A gentleman who was going to take
his family to see dramatic performance,
the other day, was surprised to see his
wife packing large trunk and filling
two large baskets with catables just be-
fore starting. "What are you doing
that fora" inquired the husband.
g Why" returned the wife, 1T says on
the bill that six weeks elapse between
the first and second acts"
A gentleman, the son of liberal mem
Der Of parliament in England, was rid
ing. recently near Stratford on-Avon,
when he overlook an agricultural laborer
driving an empty cart. Thinking the
opportunity favorable for soliciting the
mans views on political matters he
asked him several questions, but found
little encouragement. ''Do you go in
for politics about here9n, he at last asked
in despair. p, '.:.No," said the man, :" be
goin' for drain pipes.
TIE FOUR SEASONS. '.'. T.
In the summer each maids fancy
Lightly turns to thoughts of love,
And she studies DER how can she
Giye the ice cream trade. ashoye,.
= = r.. - '-WarSdtc Wasp.
In the autumn each maids fancy
Lightly turns to thoughts of love,
And She studies DER how can she
Be some fellows ''duCk1 or "'dove."
Gold Leaf.
In the winter each maids fancy
Turns to othoughts of wealth and love,
And she studies DER how can she
Marry rich and step above
-tt. -PdinsuitIe Democrat
In the spring each maids fancy
Turns to thought of Easter bonnet, =
And she studies DER how can she
Reconcile her pa upon it. - -
- PretzerS WeeelH