The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1885-01-28
WIZ AND HUMOR.

sections. AT theSe gatherings tue glilS
VEN .mouse!n and the young men jump
on chairs and shrek. Detroit Free
Press.
They say that figures won't lie, but
one il inclined to doubt the old saw
when he looks upon the figure OF a
fashionablv dressed woman. -Bosto7
Transcript.
If ii be true that the physicians have
plenty to do attending to imaginary
ailments. it is equally true that the sick
have plenty to pay for imaginary cures
--BOston TrdBscr pk
Two Connecticut lovers have just
made up after a quarrel which took
place ffty-eight years ago. The poor
fel ow held out rs long as he could
Philadelphia CAL.
The people live uncommon long IN a
certain town in Scotland. There are
two men there so old that they have
quite forgotten who they are. and there
is nobody alive who can remember II
for them. --B0tC- Bells.
An exchange, speaking OF certain
poetess says she makes good jellies as
well as good poetry. We suggest That
poets Q, morally go into the jslly-making
business, and their contributions will
find favor with newspapers.
Some children are often amusing by
reason of their conceit, as in the case
Of the young French gentleman OF the
mature age of 5, who, on being told
that the baby wanted to kiss him, said:
"Yes; he takes me f6r his papa
A "sweet girl-graduate" wrote the
following on the fly-leaf of her text
book on moral science: "If there
should be another flood, For refuge
hither fly; Though all the world should
be submerged, This book will still be
dry"
Annals of a quiet watering place
Lady visitor: "Oh, that's your vicar, is
itp What sort of vicar is hep" Lady
resident: "Oh, well, middlingl High
Church during the season, you know,
and Low all the rest of the year!'
Punch.
'Love my neighbor as myselfp" ex-
claimed the portly citizen; ''why, love
him much better than myself. They
were laying out a route for an elevated
railway, and / had the plans changed
so that the road should go past his door
instead Of mine"
While scattering a few crumbs for
the sparrows this severe weather don't
forget to throw out lot of old tomato
cans, barrel hoops, and cast-of shoes
for the poor goat, which has as much
right to live as the imported feathered
biped. -NorriStoaOn Herald.
A little boy was sitting by the bed
of his grandmother, who was very i'll.
"Ah, my poor child, she said, 81 am
very bad; / am going to die.n He look
ed very much mystified for few min
utes, and then suddenly exclaimed:
"Why will you die? Does God want
an old angelo"
A. lady, a regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over
all the stockings in the store, objected
that none were long enough. Il want, !"
she said, 1.-THE longest hose that are
made" "Then, madame, :" was the re-
ply, 'you had better apply at the next
engine-house."
Texas young ladies do not wear darn
ed hose. There was a leap-year ball
in Bryan the other night, and pretty
girl danced her dainty upper off. The
toe that poked out of the hole in her
stocking was so pink and pretty that
she was forgiven the crime of having
an unmended stocking on.
'.Margery," said E.helbert, as they
sat on opposite ends of the Turkish
divan, "why am / like the letter o."
and silence fell, broken only by the
melodiols cough of Margery's war
ranted New England throat ''Be-
cause DEAR" added Eihe bert, Il feel
that l ain useless without Z.
A man while in the act of jumping
into the river was seized by i police
man. ',What are YOU doing here?n
demanded the officer II was just
shout TO commit sdicide." Excuse
me, SIR" liberating him. 81 thought
you were skulking around looking fol
something to steal. Go ahead. ("
Not so far wrong, perhaps. DIR.
Whago Gnquiring into family history
-"Humph! Now, sir, will YOU tell me
what caused your grandfather deathP''
Shoddie de Parvenue-'0 OF course,
can scarcely remember him. but
have frequently heard my father say
that he III d of cho era infantum. "
MADAME, you've destroyed SO
worth OF merchandise. angrily re-
marked dude to lady, rs she seated
herself in chair in witch he had de-
posted a new Derby hat. Serves you
rs<.l,N rbo ell
the ruin; ''you had no business TO buy
q s. hat for 50-cent head. - Brooblgn
Eagle.
The maddest man in Baltimore is 8
certain saloon-keeper. A crowd came
into his place, called for beer, and Their
said they had seen man sneak down
the cellar through trap door. The
proprietor fastened down to investi-
gate, when the trap door was shut, and
The party drank and smoked TO then
hearts content.
''Never leave your clothes on the line
all night, remarks the household de
partment OF an exchange. Well, yes
It's better to hang them over the bach
Of chair in your room. Then if yoI
should happen to oversleep few hours
you won't have to 60 shining around
the back yard in the daytime grabbing
up your raiment.
An exchange contains an editoria
entitled Modify the Age" but it woulc
entail too much labor. N!nety-nin,
Dut Of every hundred women who have
passed their 25th birthday would wan
their age modified so they might tel
their friends they were only Is years
cid without lying about it. The scheme
is not practicable.
o, Boston, city of my soul!--Reginald
Ito his sister, as they walk up Beacon
street): 20. dear, there comes thai
man was introduced to at the club
He's descended from the Earl of Gov
entry on his fathers side, but can
find out who his mothers great-grand
father was, SO guess we had hettel
cross over aud not see him.
''Humphi' calculated a husband. a
he noticed the ladies corner" of hi.
family paper, ''they may confine then
TO one corner of newspaper, but a
home the whole house isn't big enough