Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1885-08-26
WIT AND NUNIOIs.

Of knowing where they can find him
when they want him.
Judge" How old are you, madam"
Witness-I have no personal knowl-
edge of my age, and hearsay testimony,
understand, is not accepted in this
court. "--BoSton Beacon,
Dear me-" said lady in Fifth
avenue the other evening. How the
china craze Is growing! Here's New
York club that is paying $4,000 for n
pitcher. '--Albany Times.
Matilda's lover to her little sister
Come, Myrtle, give me kiss, only
one. l.. S.--No, l won't; you asked
Tidy for just one, in the parlor, before
dinner, and you took two.
Col. j. Annoy Knox of Texas Syf-
ings lectured in New York in behalf of
the Bartholdi pedestal fund. Among
other bright remarks he said: "The
English have something which passes
current for humor and which is not, |
assure you, to BIO laughed at"
81 see you are building q new house,
Mr. Brown" Eyes, you are right"
made the money out of whisky, l
supposep" "No." "Why, you are a
liquor dealer, are you notP" 30, yes;
but the money I'm putting into this
house was made out OF water / put in
to the whisky. Every cent was made
out of the water, sir. )"
A California girl has been discovered
with two mouths, one in each cheek.
This kind may do very well in the Far
West where girls are scarce and it is
convenient to have those who can kiss
two fellows at once, but they would
never DO popular in the East where
there are not enough fellows to 60
around.
Fogg- There's that odious Mrs.
Fawnatail. How do dislike that wo-
manr' Brownie, come now, you're
prcjudiced. You're not acquainted with
her yet; you've only seen her two or
three times; you'll like her better after
you come to know her; she'll grow on
YOU" Fogg-"Thc deuce she will!
Well, sir, / hate parasites"
You want to know why it is called
the English sparrow, do you, Ethel?
Well, dear, it is because it is very En-
glish in its ways. Making moro noise
than any other bird of its size, quarrel
ing all the. time that it is not eating,
and seeming to think that this great
universe was created for its especial
benefit. That is why it is called the
English sparrow, Ethel.-Boston Post.
Almost from the time man is born
he is anxious to see his name in the
newspaper. A little fellow of some
six years came in to his mother the
other day and said with good deal of
excitement: "I'm going to have my
name put in the Palmer Journal. I've
licked two fellows, and l want
my name put in the paper. And he
proceeded at once to write a note to
the editor.
From the pcrsistency with which the
Deceased-Wifc's Sister bill is being
agitated in England, it may beinferred
that the Englishman cannot be happy
until he gets an opportunity 10 marry
his wife's sister. As we have heard
nothing of u Deceased Husband 8
Brother bill the conclusion is irresisti-
BILE that his wife thinks one member OF
a family is enough-if not too much
Norrist0wn Herald.
An ostrich-egg weighs nearly thirty
times as much rs an average hen 8
egg; but to hear tho hens remarks af-
ter laying an egg one would suppose
she had beat the ostrich out of sight.
1t is good deal the same way with
human beings. Some will make more
fuss and brag over their little thin
shelled achievements than others do
over an invention of work that becomes
historical.
A traveller, recently returned from
India, was relating his travelling i'm
pressions. what Il country that Isl"
he exclaimed. "There everybody keeps
dozens of servants. had four whose
solo business was to look after my pipe.
One brought it to me, another filed it,
third lighted it for me" "And
the fourlhp" "The fourth smoked it
for me. Tobacco never agreed with
me. "-Miscelanea.
A well-known physician OF this city
claims to have caught two and one
fourth pound trout the other day. and
now we learn that the same day q
small boy seining for minnows in Hale
brook netted a similar fish. 1t is a
strange coincidence, surely, and if we
did not have the utmost confidence in
the boy We should think tho doctor
had been fishing with silver hook
Burlington Free Press.
Shakspearean chestnut: "You do not
love me any more, John. When we
were first married you did not dash
away in such hurry after supper and
you never forgot to kiss me. 80,
well, child, don't fret. I'm as fond Of
kissing you as ever, but I'm in q big.
ger hurry. I'm only like Brutus."
"What do you meanP" why, you
know that it was not that he loved T.
seize 'er less. but he loved t roam
more"
Englishman-"I, aw, see, aw, that
the divine Navy Anderson is to reside
in England permanently dontchel
knowP' American-"So l have heard.
"Couldt leave deah old England, ye
know, after she got acquain ted, ye
know" "Oh, that was not it." at
was not?" "Oh, no: she has deter.
mined never to marry, and wants tc
keep out of temptation; that's all. ~
Philadelphia Call.
ut is my unalterable decision,
Clara" he said firmly: II cannot walk
on the avenue with you if that poodle
is to accompany us. You must choose
between him and me. 1t rests witt
you, Clara, if our engagement shall bt
broken Off" "Oh, George!" the cir
replied, and her face assumed an asher
hue; "this is all so sudden. You mus
give me time to think it over. One
week, George, and you shall have YOU
answer"
A l0-year-old Rochester boy on the
| cara cominU Tn Troy fhe other dav he